#i wish i had this place to myself again | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dreamsofyexiao · 2 years

Text

i miss last November when it was just me and i was alone on this blog

#I'm sorry there's nothing wrong with anyone it's just me i get too affected #i wish i had this place to myself i wish i was alone here #I'm sorry I'm crying so much tonight i just can't get last year back even if i wasn't happy then i still miss what SN was to me #i hate this now I'll never have it back #i miss it so much i miss what it used to be #i miss when i loved the characters and everything so freely #they were so special then #and they were so pure #i just want to love like i used to love i want to be held by it again #i hate fandom i hate all fandoms so fucking much i don't care about community i don't care about what anyone else think or feels #i really don't i wish i realized sooner I REALLY DON'T #i could care maybe if it didn't feel like it all had to stir together if i felt like I could still hold onto what's mine #i regret posting stuff on the tags i regret making myself known at all #i was happy then when i did i wanted the tiny piece of community but now i want to be alone #i didn't know then what it could possibly take from me #I'd rather be alone #i wish i had this place to myself again #i hate it i hate the influence of everyone #i loved SN so extremely deeply i found myself slowly i was building the world i needed to be in #and i loved and i keep trying to love but something has died #it's not the same #because now it's no longer mine do you understand #please oh please can someone understand????????????#i loved it so much i took what was a franchise and made it something of my own

1 note · View note

cerise-on-top · 3 months

Note

hey!! its me again. your only current madcom requester (as far as i know), i was wondering if you could please write skittles and possibly deimos (seperate) with an artist s/o? specifically one who is constantly doodling them and making art for them? thank you!

-💾

Welcome back! Thank you for another Madcom request, I was looking forward to writing it! This one was also really sweet!

Deimos and Skittles with an Artist!S/O

Deimos: He draws from time to time himself and isn’t even that bad at it either. Sure, it’s never gonna be an elaborate painting or anything, but small drawings of Sanford eating some kielbasa or Hank getting beaten by Doc again. His drawings are usually more on the humorous side since he prefers those. Either way, he’d feel honoured that you like him enough to want to doodle him this much and draw for him. Yes, he knows that he’s hot shit, but it’s still nice. In fact, everyone at S.Q. will know about you being such a wonderful artist since he’ll show those drawings to everyone. You’re such a nice person, and so good at arts, it deserves to be shown off to everyone he knows. Give him enough drawings and he’ll draw something for you as well. As mentioned before, he’s pretty decent at drawing, but he’ll genuinely put in some effort into drawing you, for example. Deimos gets around a lot, and he does loot quite a bit whenever he can, so don’t be surprised if he walks up to you with some art supplies that he got from somewhere. You’re always on his mind, so naturally he’ll get something for you just so he can see you draw. Sometimes you might even get to draw with each other since he would get into it again ever since he received a few doodles from you. Although I should mention that he’ll still draw funny things to get you to laugh, he does want to see you be in a good mood. And if it’s because of him, even better. However, he’ll keep each and every single drawing of yours in a box, they’re near and dear to him. I know he can draw too, but he would love nothing more than to ask you to draw a picture of you and him together as a keepsake. It’s more personal than a picture to him and takes more effort.

Skittles: Like Deimos, he, too, draws from time to time. Unlike Deimos, he’s not very good at it, but that has never discouraged him from drawing a nice scenery. In his eyes, with everything he creates he’s only gonna get better and better at it, so he really doesn’t mind not being the best at drawing. He likely has tried drawing other grunts as well, including you, so you’ll likely see a drawing of you here and there. How could he not, after all. However, he proudly does show you his drawing as well. Hypes you up like no one else when it comes to you drawing. Sure, he’ll be quiet when you are drawing, but he’ll never miss an opportunity to ask you about some new creations you may have made. He’s as genuine as it gets about it too, he really does want to see your drawings. However, he’s not a very good critic since everything you make is the best thing ever in his eyes, so you really shouldn’t ask him for constructive criticism if you want some. He can and will find something good about each and every single one of your drawings, whether you like it or not. He hangs the drawings you give him up as well. Especially with magnets on the fridge since he wants to see them for as long as possible. Also keeps them in a neatly decorated box, and also shows your skills off to everyone willing to listen to him. If you’re ever down to take some commissions, he’s your best bet since he can always find someone willing to buy from you. Very excitable about your skills and loves talking about you in general. Nevada deserves to know about how great you are. Skittles will also come up to you with some art supplies here and there, if he can find some. As long as you’re happy doodling away, he’s happy as well. Gives you a big hug for each and every single drawing you make for him, he wants to reward you somehow.

#madness combat #madness combat x reader #deimos #deimos x reader #madness combat skittles #skittles x reader #I always wished I could draw but I'm not really patient enough to teach myself and improve haha #I also just realised that Deimos would be sort of like Scout TF2 in this #I always liked to view those two as good friends if they existed in the same universe #except Deimos would likely be a bit smarter. he can probably read #wait he's a hacker he can most definitely read. Deimos is a smart cookie #I love saying smart cookie. it's such a cute expression #I used to have the biggest crush on Deimos when I was still with my ex. Deimos is just really good and fun #I even wrote a fic with him once that I posted as well #not true I've written two fics with him now that I remember #would I have ditched my ex for Deimos? absolutely no questions asked #but then again he was not a very good person in the first place. neither is Deimos but at least I'd have had fun #I'd have gotten to talk about IT with him which is good. I love IT it's such an interesting field. even if computers are the worst

24 notes · View notes

a-lil-strawberry · 17 days

Text

Please pray that a complicated billing situation will be sorted out and covered by my insurance. It's for an ambulance ride I had in June for a panic attack. Some of you might remember me panicking about it a few months ago when I got the statement.

#it's a giant bill and my mom's insurance which is my primary only covered a tiny portion of it #and the ambulance service tried only once to contact my secondary insurance and they never even got it #so they never covered anything #but they were never contacted #so then i made them contact each other when it was made apparent that otherwise i would owe $2020.#yes two thousand and twenty dollars #and then i was waiting for them to deal with it #and today i just received another statement still showing that they never contacted that insurance and that i owe them the money by the 30th #so i panicked a little bit #then called the insurance and they said they had just recieved the claim on the first #so then i called the ambulance service and told them so and asked if the due date of the 30th was still in place #and she said no it's on hold and the insurance lady said most likely some of it would be covered #so hopefully it will go down drastically #and man this whole situation is like.... why did i have to do all the contacting back and forth #i thought that was y'all's job #but whatever #so now i am waiting again :)#fully aware that i may still owe a large chunk of that #but it's okay bc i am starting a new job and all will be well :)))))))#right???????#all will be well??????#and it was a dang panic attack that started all this #so i feel somewhat like this is all my fault #if i had never taken that thc gummy and greened out so bad and worked myself up none of this would be happening :)#but that's not healthy for me to think #it's in the past and i truly thought i needed to go in so in that moment i was doing what i thought i needed to do to take care of myself #i should be proud of myself for that #i just wish healthcare was different in this country

7 notes · View notes

bunnihearted · 20 days

Text

🐇☀️☁️🍦

#im glad i went today to hang out with my friend c:#it was nice to just hang out with another person and talk and stuff #i also just like how considerate she is #and she's accepting and chill. i can like tell her that oh im sorry if im low energy now im just overheated bc of the weather and im feeling #sad. and she'll be like dont worry thats ok! and it also is ok she doesnt get annoyed or anything #plus she doesnt look at me weird when there's awkward pauses and i cant express myself properly lol #i overanalyze too much i know :c but anyway it is always nice talking w her so it was nice today #we walked to a sushi place and then to the library #i only stayed for like 30min at the library even if i wanted to stay longer #i realized that it's bc like she had sushi which gives her energy #but i cant afford to buy things out lol so i never eat and refresh my energy #so after 3hrs i got so low energy and just wanted to go home #i should try to find smth easy and cheap i can bring to snack on so i can stay longer!! T-T ugh.. next time!!#we also met a dog! :o she was just standing alone outside a house and stared at the gate #and we came by she walked up to us and looked at me and was like 'get me inside :)'#so my friend went around the house and the owner came and was like omgggg she ran away again!!!#im glad it was so easy to help the dog bc i could not have left her alone by a street w cars and stuff #but she was so sweet and cute and let me pet her 💗#hmm yeah! then i walked home in the heat that killed me... and now im sitting in front of the fan ^-^#im not cut out for summer!!! anywaysss it was just a nice time #i wish i could've stayed longer. i'll make sure to bring a cheap snack next time so i can hang out more

9 notes · View notes

thebirdandhersong · 1 year

Text

hey will be off tumblr for the rest of the week - things are Happening again and my head feels ready to explode.........would really appreciate prayer again. I'm constantly feeling like I'm on the brink of something (I don't KNOW what) terrible and I need to figure things out without before my body really DOES decide to shut down from the stress and the strange depressive dread that has been very difficult to shake this month. I would like to not feel like crying or throwing up at certain points in the day and also would like to not be so exhausted in the heart and mind area so that I can actually deal with these things. Especially since finals are looming ahead

#wish i had my support network but what with all my friends being so busy #with school work engagements marriage pregnancies housing issues #and my priests both up to their ears in work and all my older sister figures #having issues and more important things to deal with and my family being one of the sources of high stress #i dont have anyone to talk to or go to at the moment #so i need to figure that out before i have another health crisis because my body's starting to give up on me #(again)#on top of that there needs to be planning in place for the summer and next fall and graduation #i just want to stick my head in the ground like an ostrich and stay there!!!! instead of wading through this mess during midterm season #and having to start finals the WEEK after midterms end #complaining again sorry #i am so tired and trying to be cheerful/distracting myself only lasts a few hours #im trying. i promise im trying. but the world seems rather bleak right now #and it is very hard not to feel so very alone #anyway i love you all and i'll see you soon

60 notes · View notes

angelkissedface · 10 months

Text

i know tanabata was a month ago...but there's no time limit on my feelings

#art #2023 #fanart #disclaimer im not fluent in japanese and had about 30 tabs up to figure out how to write this sentence #so i apologise if its a bit clunky haha #but his wish says 'i want to find my place' :')#the key being that the word 'place' here can be read as 'place that i belong' or 'place that i am free to be myself'#sobs #ugh i rly love him #i will draw him again its rare i just wanna sit and draw a canon character instead of my ocs haha #genshin impact #scaramouche #the wanderer

27 notes · View notes

alullinchaos · 2 months

Text

wait off topic if I change Cinder's semblance for my rwby canon-adjacent au.... would this be controversial editing to warn people that the tags are novel length but that i love them and also @graythegreyt pls read them when u have a chance

#wick lore #i have asked myself this question with almost every character but for cinder i was thinking abt her dustweave (?) clothing #dustweave. dust infused. something like that #her v1 outfit that has the design on the sleeves that lights up when she sends out fire. that's her using fire dust that's in the cloth #but as far as i know this is a detail that literally never comes up again like we never see anyone else with clothing like this #so i asked myself. what if that was her semblance instead. that she had the ability to sew dust into cloth #how hard would it be for the girl modelled after cinderella to know that her semblance required her to do domestic labor to be used #thus explaining why it doesn't show up in later volumes because once she gets the maiden powers she thinks she doesn't need it #idk i think making her semblance be 'she can heat stuff up' and thus making her semblance indistinguishable from maiden powers #for the entirety of the series. is a bit of a waste. bc semblances say a lot about characters right #i know there's a point to be made about like. it manifested as that at that time because cinder has always been angry etc etc #but wouldn't it hurt from a different narrative angle. to have her semblance be dustweaving. when she doesn't have any money #no money to buy dust with but a semblance that makes her a skilled and incredibly rare craftsperson but can she bear to sell her skills #when they've been used against her for so long? when all she's known is hard work and grit and sweat? when it's probably dangerous?#anyway i think im about to hit the limit for tags but. lmfao. the possibilities!!! also the association between handsewing and the HOME!#something she's always wanted but never had. a safe place to sit by a fire that she doesn't have to tend and do her work...#also like the possible tension with mercury bc she's wishing her semblance was more offensive + merc's like BE GRATEFUL YOU HAVE ONE???#i headcanon that mercury has a semblance though. that he has silver eyes and his dad took those from him by making him hate the world #...anyway #goodnight

8 notes · View notes

thenwethrowitonthefire · 2 months

Text

Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family

#fucking hell #it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister #who was equally dreading the day #my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt #then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present)#multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way.#combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high #weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells.#this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing.#then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on.#my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence #i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum #who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?)#me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting.#Which amuses the bored and the deaf #but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed #they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes #finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism*#still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously #(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something)#me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room #and made things appear that should not be there #I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go #you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room.#i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear #I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that.#the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well #she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer #maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk.#can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important

7 notes · View notes

milkweedman · 9 months

Text

It's really something to hear my sister talk about how much moving was a mistake. Given that she is the only one who wanted to move and it was supposed to decrease her commute which it did not at all, and also cost me my entire life savings and a semi functioning knee. Like wow. It was a mistake you say. That's crazy bro. If only someone had told you this multiple times and tried to talk you out of it. Fucking alas.

#i had enough for plane ticket so i could get married #i had JUST gotten enough #and theres literally no way ill ever save that up again #especially considering that my sister is convinced we wont get another year here because the dog is so badly behaved #like this. was your. idea. good fucking grief #i couldnt afford to stay in our old apartment just by myself nor could i afford a new place #since i quit my job to help move and also because it had become unbearable #i just feel like. i got the short end of the stick somewhat #i really wish i could get my own place.

28 notes · View notes

aller-geez · 16 days

Text

Vent in the tags, just keep scrolling~

#since becoming homeless (again...)a little over 3 months ago #my husband and i along with my four dogs (3 wolfdog/husky mixes and a AmStaff mutt) AND our 3 cats #have been living on the floor of an amazing friends garage since February #waiting for my husbands inheritance to be processed by the bank so we can actually go back to a normal human existence #but until then everything is a major fucking struggle to even eat every day :^)#and ive been in a bad spot mentally for a while now #the bestie is going through some MAJOR life stuff right now and has a lot more to worry about than our dumb ocs and snzblr #i just wish i had some actual friends in the community instead of the half of snzblr that has me blocked lol #its really dumb and desperate for me to want people to be nice to me and maybe even form some kind of friendship when im clearly shown that #my presence in one of the only places i used to feel scene is honestly unwanted #i wish i didnt care so much but damn man im tired of always being alone and having conversations with myself #but oh well i guess this is what i get #geezievent #well this is embarrassing lmao

2 notes · View notes

pondscummy · 21 days

Text

the "also sick" comment isn't like "btw I'm SICK, how dare you not know" it's me saying I'm sick like how 2/3 of my roommates are

but like I'm so;;;; it feels so rich that L is like wtf do you want from me about me not replying for 45 minutes when I had to beg his gf over hours and hours of texts every so often to not force me to sit in unwiped shit after my surgery bc she had openly told me she just didn't rly feel like setting up the attachable bidet after telling me for weeks she would, and I never ever got a reply from her or L ever acknowledging that they were wide awake hanging out and laughing while I was like stuck in bed barely able to move begging for follow through on a commitment they made in advance and i eventually had to spend over $100 to hire someone to come out the next day and do it for me and I had to hold my shit for hours lmfao

like L is sooooo great at couching things in flawless tumblr wellness speak but only to talk about how valid they are for not showing up for you and how fucked up it is that you MIGHT ever have a moment where you can't be 100% there w them. like idk what to tell you I've been laying in bed with a sore throat and cough and fever passing out and waking up to roll over in buckets of sweat like the rest of the house. I do genuinely get being annoyed by a lack of response but it's also right back to this whole thing about Always assuming I'm mad at them which is legit one of the only things that actually makes me mad fjdkddhk like bro I do not THINK about you when you're not acting like I'm a bomb about to blow (also, as an aside -- we all take turns buying TP and it's usually me who does it like it's not out of pocket for me to say hey you are the One person who is out of the house already rn, can you get this on your way bc None of the bathrooms have back up rolls and one is totally out and I had to text our sickest roommate telling her to use the bidet and drip dry like.... "am I the first person you asked" yes bc you are the person who makes the most sense dumbfuck. I'm not being "overly needy" toward you or whatever jfc)

they literally told me at one point that the reason they're so scared of me is that my face is "triggering" for them when I'm angry or not feeling good and puts them "back in a really bad place" they have seen my face angry literally 3 times and each time it was on my way back to my room to decompress and each time I said nothing to them other than that I was in a bad mood and I was going to go to my room. I didn't yell either I just said it normal. like I genuinely feel gaslit here like I'm this horrifying monster of a man when it's like dude sometimes people are mad I don't know what YOU want from ME!! I do all my venting here where they can't ever see it even tho we've blocked each other, I censor their name like anyone even knows who they are, I isolate to chill out and it's literally been less than a handful of times like should I fling myself from the roof??????? would that fix it???

I literally know it's bc I'm a man too. none of this was like this until my facial hair came in more and it got crazy worse after I got top surgery and they're so so vocal about how much they despise men and think men should all fuck off and die and there's only a handful of acceptable men that they've personally vetted. despite them pretty clearly having a trans woman fetish bc they only date or look at porn of trans women and they do the whole step on me mommy thing about it even tho their gf has complained like. lmfao you're just a baby te//rf even tho you ID as trans masc yourself. like that's all this even is. I'm a big (5'3") scary (spent the whole weekend w my coworkers asking if I was 12) man who's obviously going to snap and kill you all bc sometimes I *checks writing on hand* get frustrated and go lay down about it

#pond.txt #and again i'm not EVEN mad rn (well. obviously i am *now*) i was SLEEPING like fhekdjdkddjl bro let me live i'm SORRY #should i whip myself should i kiss your feet my lord and savior jc. should i fall upon my sword for you.#is my t dick too big and scary to live together does it cast shadows in the hallways that frighten you HDKSDHKDDHDK #all the time i wish wish wish there was some way for me to move out early without me fucking myself financially #but i'd be on the hook for $11.400 and i do NOT have that to drop dhskddhhfj and i would need to pay that PLUS buy a car #it was so night and day the difference in my mood when i was on my work trip tho. even when i had moments of like feeling down on that trip #it was so fleeting and so like. well I'll do what i need to so i can care for myself #whether that was staying in my room and getting some sleep or rallying and being like hey @ self you're making shit up about no one liking #with no proof so let's get back downstairs and hang out w someone new and prove ourselves wrong.#life felt so bright and happy and it was so easy to talk to strangers and laugh and just let loose and like myself #even on a 13 hr travel day i was like taking notes on mental health things in my journal and reflecting and feeling so positive about makin #changes like not letting excuses stop me from going out and living my life even in this interim period between moves #and then i got back home and was like oh right. this place that makes me miserable with people who openly dislike me. great lmao #my plan is still to try to not let myself get in my own way of living life bc if i can get out & meet people it'll keep me away from here.#ANYWAY!!! *eats cough drops like candy*

2 notes · View notes

sonofshu · 24 days

Text

‎ ‎

#I'm broken #I was already broken but now I feel like I can't do anything #Ive done too much #and now I'm just a piece of shit who won't apologize to anyone upfront #Just crying in the tags pathetically waiting for anything to happen #I can't do this #I can't help people no matter how hard I try and it makes me feel like I have absolutely no purpose here #and It's taking too much of a toll to fail #I should just go to sleep and forget about everything #but sleep is for people who care about themselves #I do care about myself #but I care in a way that I need revenge on her #I loathe her and everything she's done to the people that tried to love her #she's pathetic and ugly and I don't see how anyone even tried to befriend her in the first place #and I feel especially bad for the people who succeeded #because she turned into a clingy parasite for everyone who talked to her #She never even had the courage to start a conversation with people and made each and every one of them feel like this shitbag didn't care #She just hurts and hurts and hurts until she comes crawling back to apologize only for her to clam up all over again #she's selfish and rude and pathetic in every awful way and I wish people would learn that about her #I feel sorry for her and everything that becomes of her shitty actions #but she never FUCKING learns and it ends up hurting everyone that was sorry enough to pity her with conversation #I wish she would just suck it all up and try to be a good fucking person for ONCE in her FUCKING life in a way that didn't make people want #to fucking #off themself just because they TALKED to her and she rudely FUCKED OFF TO NOWHERE #because at the end of the day #I say to myself #at the end of the day she tries her fucking best #BUT NOBODY SEEMS TO FUCKING SEE THAT SHE IS CONSTANTLY FUCKING TREMBLING AT THE MERE *THOUGHT* OF HAVING TO LIVE AS HERSELF #and I feel so bad for her #I feel bad for me I guess

2 notes · View notes

friendlifyre · 29 days

Text

i think ive finally hit that point where ive accepted that i need to Allow myself to enjoy genshin more casually otherwise it wont be long before i stop enjoying it altogether