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dragoncopper · 2 months

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The Apparition

Summary: You have been feeling a presence for months. You are sure that you are losing your mind. But then the presence makes itself known to you. Your soulmate finally found you. Word Count: 20k (take a moment) Pairing: Female Reader x Noah Sebastian Warnings: Major character death. Lots of talk about death. Smut - oral sex (f receiving), p in v, unprotected sex, fluffy loving sex, fingering. More warnings: This is the first work I have written that I am posting. I really hope someone enjoys it.

The continuation or bonus chapter... here.

The whole story on A03 here.

A/N While this is mostly a fluff piece, there are quite sad moments in the story and lots of crying. This is a work of fiction. There are mentions of Noah's past and as we do not have good information, I filled in the blanks. This is not an accurate depiction of his past.

I used Noah's playlist on Spotify to help me with music choices. These are, however, the songs that I felt fit with the story: Sleep Token - The Apparition (obviously). Sleep Token - Telomeres. Hozier - Work Song.

I have proofread it myself, so there might (for sure) be some errors.

I will post a link to A03 also.

1. You You would not say that you believed in ghosts. Not at all. It made no sense and your brain needed something to make sense for you to accept it. However, lately you have been noticing things, and it has been happening for a while, but you have always made it off as nothing. Surely, you just made a mistake, forgot that you had done it. But it has come to the point where you cannot deny it anymore.

It started with simple things, like you would be certain that you did not leave your pen there on the desk. Sure that you did not open the curtains in your bedroom. Items in cupboards just slightly out of place. These things were so easy to dismiss as nothing. But then you started feeling like someone was in the room with you, a presence – this was not a scary feeling at all, more comforting, like the presence was there for good reasons. You sometimes felt a slight warmth, like a breath near you. Even your pet would look at something that you could not see, never reacting in an alarming way but just looking.

Intellectually, you knew it did not make sense. You also knew that if you were really feeling these things, it should probably worry you more than what it did.

Dreams have been more vivid, you still have a hard time remembering what you dream, but they have changed. You would often wake up feeling incredibly sad, even crying. You would also wake up mid-laugh with no memory of what caused these emotions in you. And most damning was that you would be sure that you had been held – still feeling the warmth of an arm around you or a hand holding yours, even though you were very much alone in your bed.

This was not limited to your home. Although it was rare, you would occasionally feel a hand on the small of your back when you were stressed, a hand on your shoulder when you would start to panic, a whispered ‘breathe’ when you became angry.

Because your brain longed for logic, because you have always been one to look for rational explanations, you had tried to figure it out. Your conclusions came to the fact that you probably needed to see a professional. But you did not do that. You do not really know why not.

One night you woke up, not sure what woke you, but there was an unmistakable hand holding yours. You felt the weight of it, the heat, the size. You took a deep breath and tried to stay calm, because you couldn’t see anything in the dark. You squeezed the hand gently and it reciprocated with equal tenderness. You reached your other hand over to feel, too scared to move the hand being held. But you knew if you tried to touch this hand it would disappear and that just broke your heart, made it clench in pain. So, you left it. You just held the hand, trying to get information about the hand without seeing it or moving again. The hand was larger than yours, long slender fingers and it held yours with deliberateness.

Another night you were woken by a voice whispering your name, right by your ear. You were sure that it was him even though him talking or making any sound was very rare. You woke up, smelling smoke and immediately shot up to see what was going on. A field nearby had caught fire, causing big billows of orange smoke to be visible when you looked out the window. You could see the flames, but it wasn’t near enough to be of danger to you, but the wind was blowing some of the smoke in your direction so you closed the windows. You were almost relieved when you smelled the smoke on the curtains the next morning, because you were sure for a second, you had dreamt the whole thing.

Things started escalating as soon as October hit.

You would feel the bed dip with a weight behind you, but no one was ever there. When you unlocked your phone in the morning, a song would be paused, ready to play. It was sometimes songs you knew and loved and sometimes songs you had never heard, never knew existed. The song would always have something in it that you needed – lyrics that made you feel hopeful or even just a fun song to lighten your mood. You would always try to accept the message as best as you could. You felt the hand in yours more often. You realised it was not as often as you would have liked.

The disappointment in you when no song waited for you in the morning was enough to ruin your day. You knew that you were losing your mind – and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

2. Noah I was near her and that was what was important. I knew that I was better when I was near her. More real. But I kept reliving a moment in my life that evening and it just would not stop. I knew that my emotions bled through to her often, so I tried so hard to keep these memories at bay because they were not pleasant for me and I knew she would feel some of it in some way.

Memories were very vague for me, there was so much of my life and who I was that I just cannot recall. But certain pieces were clear, some just less fuzzy. I sometimes did not even know myself.

The memory was of the day that I died. This one was annoyingly clear. The sun was shining bright, it was a hot day. I had the window of the car rolled down. When my dad lost control of the vehicle everything slowed down in my mind, like I had time to process and stop what was happening, prevent this tragedy from taking the lives of everyone in that car that day. But I couldn’t. I remember bracing my hand on the roof of the car as it started to flip, my head being smashed so painfully against the frame of the car. The continuous motion that felt like it went on for so long. When it finally stopped, I was lying there, the sun burning me as I watched blood pooling around us. Most of the blood came from a head wound my father had sustained. I knew they were all dead. I knew I was too. I made it the longest, only officially dying in the hospital a few hours later. All alone.

I cannot even remember what car we were in. I cannot remember who else was in the car. I cannot remember what my father looked like. But the feeling of my pain shooting through my body was detailed in my mind. Did I even have a mind anymore? Over and over this played. I knew she was dreaming about it when she started clenching her hands into fists and her breathing became uneven. I did not want her to have bad dreams. She would not even understand where this dream came from.

I have been able to touch things lately. Not just accidental movements after trying for ages like it has been for years. I have tried leaving her notes in the beginning. But I could never hold the pen successfully. It took immense concentration in the beginning, but it has been getting easier slowly. Now I could leave her notes if I wanted to, but what do I say to her after years of being here with her. She can hear me sometimes, but I do not want to scare her. I try to be subtle. Sometimes I just feel like she needs me. And I wish I could be what she needed so bad. So, this evening, I lay down next to her and hold her fists between my hands as best I can. Hoping to provide some comfort while we both live through the accident repeatedly.

3. You You woke gasping through a sob. Your head hurt, your muscles were so tense, but you remembered a lot of the dream. You knew the images were not yours. You knew you had to keep remembering. So, you leap out of bed as fast as you can, head pounding at the sudden movement. You went straight for a pen and the first scrap of paper you could reach. You wrote down some of the images before they flew away never to be recalled again.

Car accident. Yellow car. Blood. Tattoos.

You tried to think of more. You really tried so hard, and added ‘hospital’ to the list. A fat tear splashed on the paper and then only did you realise you were still sobbing. You stood up straight, wiped your cheeks and tried to take a deep breath, but it shook. You got ready for work, washing your face with cold water. The whole day, you were distracted and you could not focus. You have had dreams that were strange before, where you couldn’t remember the details. Writing down the memories of this one worked so well, that while you were constantly clutching at the crumpled paper in your pocket, you didn’t need it anymore, you knew the words on the paper so well now.

The tattoos were new. You knew it was significant. You feel like the accident was strangely familiar to you in a way, but the tattoos that covered the arms and hands of the person was a new detail. You regularly closed your eyes throughout the day trying to visualize what they looked like. There were tattoos on his neck also, but his face was clear, pale and smooth. You always had a feeling he was a man. A male? You felt sure now. You felt utter frustration that you could not remember what the tattoos were of.

You took a deep breath when you felt a warmth on your shoulder. He was here. Focus on anything you could remember, even if it seemed silly, you told yourself.

Red, there were red features in a mostly black and grey mass of art covering his arms. You hoped it was not blood that you saw.

You saw blood pooling from wounds sustained in the accident. So much blood. The driver had black hair. And he had dark hair also, but not black.

Then an image shot through your head of a hand pressing flat against the roof of the car in desperation to stop himself from getting hurt. The hand was the most clear, vivid image you have ever managed about him. The hand was really large, with slender fingers, exactly what you felt when your hand was held during the night. But now you had bright light shining on it and you knew so much more. The nails were short and neat. The thumb was bony and stood out far to the side. The tattoos were so clear, there was no way your mind could have come up with this. An image of a goat with red eyes and a red horn on the back of his hand, very elaborate calligraphy on his knuckles and a Leaf-Village symbol on his index finger. A crescent moon right where his index finger meets his hand on his thumb’s side.

You grabbed a pen and tried drawing what you could remember, it was not great, but it was something. You took the drawing, the paper from your pocket which you tried to smooth out and put them between the pages an empty notebook you found in your bookshelf. That evening, you placed the book and a pen right by your bed in case you needed to take notes again.

You had taken medication during the day to calm yourself down and to help with the pounding headache, so you fell asleep quite easily. You felt his hand rest on your arm as you were falling asleep and you pictured the tattoo there.

4. Noah There was a strange hopefulness in me as I watched her draw the picture of the back of my hand. She truly saw me in the dream. I wished that it could have been a better dream, one that was not terrible for the both of us. But it clearly stuck with her.

As I was laying with her, that very hand resting on her arm, I wondered if there were other ways I could tell her who I am. Who I was. Despondently, I tell myself, yet again, that I barely knew who I was. I could not even remember my name.

Since the tattoos got her attention though, I searched through my mind to find a memory that had something to do with my tattoos. I could see them all on myself now. I had many. Sparser on the legs but still so many to choose from. I thought of the Moon Lady on my leg, I had fond memories of getting her done. Not super specific, but I was laughing with the artist. It felt lighter, happier and I kept thinking of that, while slowly making circles with my fingers on her skin.

5. You Yellow walls, framed pictures, happiness.

You were laying on the couch, your hair damp from the shower, the window open to allow the cool morning breeze in. Your eyes were closed as you tried to relive the dream you had last night. The whole vibe was so different from the previous dreams that you enjoyed it and felt such relief to not feel your heart clench, the moment you woke up, with sadness.

He was getting a tattoo done on the outside of his left leg, just above the ankle. He was laying down then sitting up - constantly changing position throughout. The artist was a man about his age, with a mass of dark hair pulled back in a mess at the back of his head. While you couldn’t know what they were talking about, there was clearly a bond between them, joking and laughing all the while. You tried to focus on him. You needed to know more. His hair was long, well past his shoulders. Dark brown eyes. A smile that made your heart clench. He smiled with his whole face. His eyes squinting almost shut, a brief exhale with white teeth showing. He would also pull a pained face every now and then from the tattoo gun dragging across his skin.

You tried to get clues about the tattoo shop, to look out of a window, but his attention was focused on his friend and you couldn’t really get anything useful. You wish you could record the dreams and go through them frame by frame.

You felt fingers carefully touching your hair. You keep your eyes closed trying to determine if it was maybe the breeze, but it was definitely not. You were always so scared of scaring him away if you were to look or even reach out and touch his hand back.

The fingers started to gently comb through, as gentle as every time he decided to touch. It was rare during the day, it mostly happened when he thought you were sleeping. You sighed deeply, enjoying the feeling. And then you smell him. It was brief whiff of clean, fresh, masculine.

Tears well up immediately and you do not even know why.

You swallow, take a deep breath and decide to be brave. “Can you hear me?” you whispered.

The hand disappeared from your hair. You did not move. You waited a while and then you felt the hand back at your hair, stroking a strand away from your face. You hold your hand out, palm up. “Can you hear me?” you ask again. A single finger strokes a line in your palm. Your breath catches. The touch sent a wave of goosebumps across your whole body.

“Who are you?” you asked. You wait for a long time and get no answering touch. “Do you know who you are?” it was the only thing you could think of. A moment, then a cross was drawn in your palm. Your heart starts to beat so much faster. You sit up, folding your legs in front of you, keeping your eyes closed. You placed a hand on each knee, palm up. You felt such nervousness, not wanting to scare him off, but desperately wanting answers. You needed to ask carefully.

“Do you have tattoos? Did you have tattoos?” you grimace, not knowing how to approach this with more tact if you did not have more information. One line on your left palm. Yes. “Why are you here? With me?” You get no response. “Do you know why you are here?” You try again. Again, no response. You badly wanted to open your eyes. You do not even know why you were keeping them shut. You blink them open and you see absolutely nothing out of the ordinary.

“Are you still here?” One line. Yes.

“Are you trapped here?” A cross. No.

“Do you know who I am?” Yes.

“Did you die?” your voice is barely audible. Yes.

“In a car accident?” Yes. “I am sorry.” He squeezed your hand.

“Do you need help?” No response. “Do you need closure or peace or something?” No.

“I am not afraid of you. Should I be?” No.

Each of his reactions were slow and deliberate. It felt so real when he touched your hand that you wanted to close your eyes again, so that you could picture him there. But he was there. You needed to know the rules of this. He has spoken before. “Can you speak?” A hesitant no.

“You have spoken to me before?” Yes.

“But you cannot now?” No.

“Only sometimes?” Yes.

He took both of your hands, and pulled them together, giving a brief squeeze before the hands disappeared. No more questions.

6. Noah I enjoyed it when she was home the whole day, because it was so much easier to stay present. I was not always. I disappeared sometimes. She was puttering around her small place dressed in stretchy pants and a large shirt, her hair messy. She was so beautiful like this.

She had on a playlist of all the songs I have left her. I could not understand how I could not remember my own name, but had a whole cache of music in my brain. My head?

Each song I chose was with a reason, but it often worried me she would see the wrong reason. She would stop what she is doing every now and then to listen to the lyrics, sometimes even looking them up. Sometimes she looked at her phone with an expression on her face that clearly said she did not like the song, it made me smile. Some songs she would straight up laugh at me – it felt like that. Some she would sit and listen, nodding along or tears welling up. Some songs she knew and she would sing along and even dance. I joined her, but she did not notice.

Things have changed since our limited conversation. I did not scare her and that made me bold. When she was on the couch, listening to the music still, legs crossed as she lay with her arms above her head, I sat by her. When she fell asleep, I got closer and ran the back of my fingers across her cheek. She leaned into my touch, a small smile on her face. Maybe she was not as asleep as I had thought. So, I kept stroking her skin, then traced an eyebrow, ran a finger down her nose. She reacted so perfectly. Times like this I wish I were real with more heartache and passion than I could explain.

“Thank you for the songs,” she exhaled. I cupped her cheek then. I kissed her forehead.

She felt it, because her eyes shot open, but she could not see me. She had a blush on her cheeks. Adorable.

“Did you just….?” She could not finish the question. Her palm was not ready for me to answer, but I as soon as I touched her hand, she flattened her hand, and I answered her.

She was quiet so long I started to panic, thinking I had crossed a line. I managed a soft, whispered, “Sorry.” This was easier it seemed when I was in stressed.

Her eyes went wide, and she looked around, but she still could not see me. “I heard you,” she beamed. “Don’t be sorry, it was sweet.” I felt relief.

She touched her fingers to her forehead where I had kissed her. After some time, she said, “I don’t know if you have control over what I see in my dreams about you… but you need to give me a clue so I can figure this out.” I drew a line in her palm, meaning that I will try.

I tried very hard, putting all my concentration into it, “Is it okay that I am here?” I whispered.

She frowned. “Did you ask if it was okay that you are here?” she whispered back.

Yes.

She took a long breath before she answered. “In the beginning, I was sure that I was losing my sanity. I was a maybe a little afraid. But you became a pleasant addition to my days.”

I smiled at her, but she did not know.

“I miss you sometimes,” she added. “Where do you go when you are not here?”

“I don’t know,” I managed.

“How long have you been here?”

“Years.”

“Years,” she exclaimed. Her face contorted in confusion. “I was not aware of that. You never made yourself known.”

“Couldn’t.”

“Why here? Why me?”

I could not get another answer out. So instead, I placed my hand in hers, pressing our palms together.

7. You You woke up gently with your fingers wrapped around two of his fingers. Without letting go, you stretched and rubbed your eyes with the other hand. “You did it,” you said sleepily. You turn back to where he had to be next to you, and brought your other hand up to cup his. If you kept your eyes closed, you could forget that he was not real, that is how solid he felt. “I saw you walk out of the tattoo shop,’ you sigh. “I saw the sign.” His other hand joined. “I just need to figure out how that leads me to you.” You got up later and sat at your computer with a cup of coffee ready to start the search. Mixed emotions coursed through you. You typed the name of the tattoo shop and immediately got a list of results. It was in a small town very far from where you were now. You have visited this town before, loved it, thought of going back many times. You were confused by this information. How did he end up here, so far away, with you?

Now that you knew the location, you knew what had to be searched next. But you did not really want to. Getting answers here would make everything too real. It would take away the small morsel of hope you had.

You felt his hand on your shoulders, quietly encouraging you to continue.

You typed in the name of the town followed by 'fatal car accidents'.

There were not many results, but you reluctantly started clicking through, reading news articles and other bits, quickly skipping if you saw it was not the one you needed. Eventually you clicked on a short article in the digital newspaper. It had a small black and white photo and your whole chest felt constricted. It was him. You read through it slowly.

You turn your chair around completely, so you could face him, held your hands out and he took both with his. “This is a little confusing,” you breathe. He squeezed. “You were alone in the car when you… “

He took one of his hands away. “The article says it was dark and the roads were slippery from rain and that you must have lost control of the car. It doesn’t give much more than that,” by this time you were speaking so softly. You gave him a moment, knowing this is not what he remembered. “In the dreams the sun was so bright,” you add. You knew he understood.

“Your name is Noah,” you finally said it out loud. His name feeling almost familiar on your tongue. He takes your hand again and squeezes so hard it is almost painful. “Noah Sebastian Davis.”

Then, while the tears are gathering in your eyes, one of them escaping and slipping down your cheek, your heart breaking for this man that was not really there, you saw a flicker of him. Like signals were lost in his broadcast and saw him on his knees in front of you his head hanging, his hair, cut short, falling forward, while his hands were up in yours.

You suck in a breath so fast, and feel tingling goosebumps run through your whole body. You tried to keep your cool, not knowing what to say. He was processing some significant news and you did not want to be insensitive by freaking out about seeing him. Even if it was brief, the image was seared into your mind. The stunning beauty of the man kneeling in front of you would be easy to recall and you would do so often.

Once you have calmed down, you tried to focus again. “Do you remember this accident at all?” you asked him. He drew a cross in your palm. “I will figure it out, don’t worry,’ you reassure him. “We will put the puzzle together.” He squeezed your hands again, both of them.

You hear a faint and sad, “Thank you.”

“I’m sorry it was not happier news,” you say equally softly.

“Thank you for my name,” he clarifies.

You squeeze your eyes shut, realising what a big deal it must be for him to know that. “It suits you,” you say with a small smile.

That night as you were reading before it was time to sleep, you felt the dip on the bed and then an arm drape around your middle. You smiled sleepily and put the book down. “I saw you today, Noah,” you said. “When I was telling you the news, I saw you for a moment.” His arm tightened briefly. But other than that, you got no response. You fell asleep feeling the weight of his arm, seeing the image of him in your mind.

8. Noah I was lying next to her, she was sleeping deeply, her deep steady breaths accompanied by the lightest of snores. Learning this knowledge about myself was such a peculiar feeling that I did not know what to make of it. My name felt foreign and so familiar at the same time. How could I not have known my own name. But knowing it felt like such an important piece of the puzzle of who I was. I would say the name, trying it out, often. My name was a bigger shock that finding out that I did not die like I thought. My mind must have gotten things mixed up. But knowing I was alone in the car was a relief. Such a small mistake. And it cost me so much. I am aware that I do not even know everything that I am missing out on. But the heaviest of the burdens was not meeting her for real. The real me. Because I know we would have. I know it. Our souls have a bond that I cannot explain. It aches in me to know what we are both missing out on because of my mistake.

She sighed, rolled over, her arm reaching out and came to rest across my ribcage. Or where my ribcage should be. This was the first time this has happened. Normally when she rolls over where I am, she goes right through me, and she does not even know. Now, she is holding me. She knows, even in her sleep, she tightened her hold, pulling us closer together.

My moments of realness have been happening more often. I was trying to figure out why, what causes it, so I can make it happen more often. High emotions on my part definitely seem to play a role. But her feelings were also a factor. Hers were harder to solve. But I felt like I knew her better than I knew myself. In my bones, in my soul, I knew her. As she was getting to know me, it made me more real to her. But it had a physical effect on me also.

I rest my hand on her arm, and try to wiggle closer to her. I rest my lips against her forehead. ***

I leave a song on her phone. A calm but uplifting song in major. I want her to feel peace and contentment, because I do after hours of holding each other. She plays it on repeat while she gets dressed, brushes her teeth, fixes her hair. I watch her do mundane things all the time, my soul feeling at peace whenever I am near her. But, also, I feel so strongly for her that even the mundane is magical when she is doing it.

She is in a good mood this morning. Her usual morning grumpiness almost absent completely. While she is making breakfast for herself, she is moving to the song still playing, swaying with the sounds. I take a big risk and go behind her, placing my hands on her hips. She pauses and sucks in a breath, realises it was only me and relaxes again.

I have kept touching to hands only for so long, that the new sensation of her holding me while she sleeps and touching her so casually is overwhelming to me.

“Close your eyes,” I whisper right by her ear and I can see the goosebumps rise across the skin of her neck. Without hesitation she closes her eyes. The trust she has in me.

I turn her around, and rest my arms around her middle and start to sway the both of us side to side. Her hands reached out, her eyes still closed, and felt around, touching my chest, flattening her palms against me and running them upwards, slowly until she found my shoulders, resting her hands there close to my neck. She swayed with me happily, until she started to shuffle her feet to get us to start rotating slowly on the spot in the kitchen, her breakfast forgotten.

She was smiling in the beginning, but by the second play through of the song the smile faded and tears started falling from her shut eyes. Her lip and chin were quivering, like she was trying to hold back. I wiped away the tears on her cheeks, holding her face for a moment and then holding her closer to me, so that her head was resting against my chest. I was a lot taller than her. She cried for a while, keeping her eyes squeezed shut – I knew why.

“Why are you never real?” she asked, her voice strained. I had nothing to say. I just held her tighter.

9. You He has not been present for a few days. You are worried and you miss him more than you care to admit. He is in the back of your mind the whole time, even when you are busy with other things. You have saved the photo of him from the newspaper on your phone and you look every so often. You think about the change in hairstyle from that day you saw him when you told him his name.

You are worried that the whole thing was all in your imagination. You also worry about why he would stay away this long if it was not your imagination. Every day you wish and hope that he would show up, be home when you got there, that he would leave you a song, a sign, anything.

It was six days after the dance in the kitchen when he was back. And the relief you felt was immense. You woke up in the middle of the night, and he was wrapped around you. Never before have you felt so much of him. His legs were tangled with yours, his arm around you pulling you back into his chest, his head in your hair. It was the best feeling.

You have stopped trying to make sense of this. You knew he was not real. But yet, he was so real. You had no idea how you could feel him, hear him and know this ghost or spirit or entity so well. You held him too, gripping his arm, as best you could, drinking in the feeling of having him back.

“Do I make you sad?” he whispered to you. His voice sent shivers down your spine.

“No,” you answer immediately, no thought necessary. “Why would you think that?” you whisper back.

“You cry often when I’m with you,” he said so softly it was barely audible.

You swallow and take moment. “I am sad sometimes. I feel sad about what happened to you. I feel sad that I could not meet you before it happened. But you do not make me sad.”

You feel him nod against you in understanding. He squeezed you with his whole body. He is real this evening like never before.

“Is that why you left?” you say turning to look at him even though you could not see him.

“Yes,” he breathes. “I don’t want you to be sad.”

Emotion wells up in your chest so much that it aches. But you swallow the tears. Instead, you take a breath and force more neutral tone to your voice. “You make the sadness better. I always feel better when you are here. I really missed you.”

“I’m sorry,” he kisses behind your ear. “I missed you, too.”

“Where did you go?”

“I don’t really go anywhere. If I am not here or with you, I kind of disappear,” he explains. “I came to check on you a few times.”

“I didn’t realise,” you say.

“I will always check if you are okay,” he says, his voice fuller.

“Why me?” you asked him, not for the first time.

He was quiet for a long time before he answered. “After I died, my whole being knew I had to find you. My soul, or whatever, went straight to you. I didn’t know why. But when I found you, everything felt right.”

You have never heard his voice this much; it was deep and beautiful. You could listen to him forever. What he was saying was even better. “It does feel right,” you agree.

“I think I can hold you and talk to you from sheer relief that I am near you again,” he says this quickly.

“I am not complaining,” you smile. Keeping your eyes shut, just in case, despite the fact that it was dark in the room, you turn to face him and blindly search until you have your hand on his cheek, you feel his soft skin with slight stubble. How is he not real? “Please don’t leave again.”

Then he presses his lips against yours, slowly and deliberately. You inhale deeply through your nose. He was warm against you, you felt how his lips molded into the kiss, his body pulling yours closer. He pulls away, only to kiss you again and again. He was firm but gentle. It was everything.

“Fuck,” he exhales. “I have wanted to do that for years.”

With those words leaving his mouth, you see him again. You didn’t even realise your eyes were open. But in the dark you saw his outline, his dark hair a contrast against his pale skin. You wanted all the lights on, but you knew it would break whatever spell was cast in this moment.

So instead, keeping your eyes open to try and not miss a thing, you kiss him and you are more forceful than he was. His hand comes up over your ear as he holds you, and when you part your lips slightly to deepen the kiss he moans sweetly and does the same. Your eyes close because you could not help it. It was too good, too much and not enough. His hands were not still for long, his impossibly long fingers in your hair, in the shell of your ear, his thumb stroking your skin. When his tongue touches yours, so soft, the sensation courses through your whole body and you grip him, trying to get him closer, as close as you can get. He makes sounds that sound like desperation. You could die from this and your ghost would be his.

You fall asleep with your head on his shoulder, him stroking your hair, his one thigh between yours. If you could keep your eyes open all night you would, you were terrified of missing one moment.

But, gloriously, when you opened your eyes with the first rays of sunshine coming through the curtains, he was still there and visible. You were facing each other, still close together, clinging to each other almost. You had to pull your head back a bit to see his face properly. You drank him in, struggling to resist the urge to touch. His hair, shorter than the photo you have, messy, forward over his forehead, hiding his eyebrows. The slight pout on his lips, the slight stubble on his face. He was perfection. Literally nothing on his face was less than perfect.

You traced a finger down the length of his straight nose, lightly. When he started to wake up, he started fading and your heart sank. “Noah,” you say watching him fade into nothing.

“I’m right here,” he says, pulling you closer.

10. Noah “What are you doing?” She is sitting up in bed, back propped up against pillows, the glow from her tablet illuminating her face.

She startled a bit, looked in my direction, but I knew she couldn’t see me right now. “Research,” she said her eyes back to the screen. “I think I have found something.”

“What did you find?” I sit next to her, close enough that I could see the screen too.

She winced. “It’s not all good news, unfortunately,” she starts. “From what I could gather, you were twenty-seven when you died. The dream I had of you dying with other people was bothering me, because the article said you were alone. Also, in the dream the sun was so bright.”

I just scooted closer. Talking was a bit difficult this evening. I laid my head on her shoulder.

She leaned into me before she carried on. “You were in another car crash when you were eleven, with your dad and other people. Everyone died in that crash, except for you. You must have combined the memories in your mind.”

Flashes of the blood pooling went through my head and suddenly I could see my younger self there instead. Absolute panic knowing everyone was dead, being pretty sure I was too. It made sense.

“Then I also know the tattoo artist’s name. Nicholas Ruffilo. You were very close friends; I found his social media and there are some photos of the two of you.”

She swiped through some photos and I felt a tug in my chest at these memories that I could not really remember. But I felt a connection to him if nothing else. It was the strangest feeling, seeing myself, knowing it is me, but not feeling the full link I was supposed to.

“It’s strange, isn’t it,’ she said putting her hand in the direction of my knee, finding it eventually and keeping it there as a reassuring gesture. I nod against her. “Do you remember any of this?”

“Not really,” I manage to whisper.

“Lots of instruments and middle fingers in the photos,” she snorts lightly.

I chuckled quietly.

“I can’t find any information about your dad, however. I think it’s a dead end there. But I can try and make contact with him,” she gestures to the photos, “I am sure he will have information.”

“Maybe.”

“Is it too much?” she asks.

I take her hand when I reply, “It’s a bit overwhelming, yes. But thank you.” I kiss her cheek.

“Okay, I will wait,” she says tenderly and puts the tablet away. She then comes closer and places her forehead against my one cheek, her free hand cupping my other cheek. It is a gesture of comfort. “Sorry if I pried too much.”

I shake my head, bringing the hand I was holding up to kiss it. “I appreciate you.”

I start to maneuver myself that I am between her legs, laying on my stomach, resting my head on her chest. I wrap my arms around her as much as a can. I can feel her heartbeat against my ear, I breathe her in. She wiggles slightly lower on the pillows and immediately holds me back, her arm across my back, then she gently scratches across my back, sending pleasurable shivers through me. Her one leg even hooks over one of mine.

“I appreciate you, too.” She says after some time.

“This,” I sigh, “is so much more than I ever thought I could wish for.” I whisper hoping my ability to talk does not slip away. “When I came to you, I thought I would just hang here forever, never being able to interact with you at all.”

Her scratching continues rhythmically. “You being here has made my life so much better,” she whispered back.

I was eternally grateful for her acceptance of this entire situation exactly the way it was. With neither of us really understanding anything. But I was not sure if it was as good for her as it was for me. Regardless of how I feel, I was still not real.

11. You There was a song waiting for you, it was almost every morning now. It was upbeat with a female voice. You listened while waiting for the kettle to boil. As usual you took a while to fully wake up, so at first you had it at low volume, not really listening with attention yet. A lot of the times, Noah’s intention was the vibe and not necessarily the lyrics.

But a few play throughs later, as you were sipping your coffee a few words were captured by your brain and you stopped mid-swallow. You grab your phone and sure enough you were not imagining it. Touching Yourself by The Japanese House.

Your mind starts sounding like static in your own ears as you try to process what this means. Because you have wondered a few times how often he is present without you knowing. You knew he was not always present or whatever. You also trusted that he would leave you in moments that would require privacy, like bathroom moments and so on. You would also be lying to yourself if you did not admit that it has crossed your mind many times in certain moments; whether he was watching.

With your face hidden in your hands, you say, “Noah, are you here?”

“Yes,” he says sheepishly.

“Where are you?” you asked, looking up, but you could not see him.

“I am by the fridge,” he says.

You felt stupid as you look in the general direction of the fridge to talk to him, you were certainly looking in the wrong place, you often thought it must be funny sight to him. “This song,” you start.

“Yeah,” he says. You can hear the smile in his voice.

“What are you…” you trail off, the awkward feeling getting stronger by the second. “Are you trying to tell me something.”

“I guess so,” he says. There is a breathiness to his voice, like he is laughing.

“This one was not for the vibes?” you say your voice small.

“Well, no,” he says he sounded slightly closer. “The vibes are nice though.”

“Oh God,” you say hiding your face again. Not knowing if you should laugh or panic. “You were there?”

“Please don’t be embarrassed,” he says, very close now, but you almost want to back away from him.

“Noah, what the hell?” You are panicking and laughing at the same time, since your brain did not know which one to pick. You look up, wishing you could see his face to help you read the situation better.

“I’m sorry,” he says, “I left as soon as I could. But…”

He takes your hands, and this anchors you. You knew where he was and felt him, making it easier to have this conversation a tiny bit. “But,” you say loudly, needing him to finish his thought.

“I cannot always make myself leave, you know,” he says. “I do not always listen to my own instructions.”

“You could have to told me you were there,” you say your voice getting higher in pitch each time you speak.

“I couldn’t make a sound and I was turned away, in the corner trying to leave.”

“You were trapped!?”

“No, that sounds harsh, I just couldn’t do what I knew I had to,” his voice calmer and lower.

Your brain was trying and failing to come up with something to reply with.

“I knew then that I had to tell you that this was a thing that could happen. I don’t want to be creepy. But I didn’t know how to bring it up,” he says his voice soft.

Despite your blush, you burst out laughing, head thrown back, from your belly. He flickered into view. You saw relief and shock on his face. “You decide to tell me with that song!?” You look him right in the eye now.

“Was it that silly?” he asked.

“Yes, you could have just said it. But I appreciate the thought you put into this one.” You grab his face and kiss him quickly. “I am still embarrassed, though.”

“Seriously, don’t be. But, in the future?” he asked.

“Well,” you say feeling weirdly emboldened. “In the future, I will ask if you are there.”

“And then you’ll tell me to fuck off,” he nods.

“Yes,” you kiss his chin, it was all you could reach without him leaning down. “Or, I’ll invite you to stay if you want to.”

His eyes widen as he looks at you, a small smile forming on his lips. “Interesting.”

12. Noah She had the car packed and ready for the very long drive. I was going to tag along as far as it was possible for me to do. But I was very uneasy and nervous about the whole thing. At the same time, I felt excited. I did not know what to expect really. I knew this could be very eye opening or devastating, and mostly for her sake, I hoped it was a good experience.

She had contacted Nicholas and the only excuse she had to see him was to make an appointment for a tattoo. Then she obsessed over which tattoo to get, was in communication with him about the design and decided on a date and time. I had a lot of input on the tattoo and I loved that she even asked me.

We stopped at a store where she ran in for snacks, me following behind, telling her to buy marshmallows. I missed them.

I knew she was not able to see me during most of the drive, but I put myself in charge of the music. She would tell me to skip or make requests if she felt strongly, but mostly we could listen and sing along quite pleasantly. I was nervous about the length of the drive and that she might start feeling sleepy so I kept things upbeat.

“Are you nervous?” I asked her.

“Yes,” she said immediately. “How do I have this conversation without sounding like a crazy person?”

“I think you just need to be honest.” I said helpfully.

“Noah, honesty is not going to do the trick here. I need to convince him that this,” she waves her hand in my direction, “is happening without being weird. This is going to for sure be weird.”

I try to feed her a marshmallow from the packet, but she shakes her head. “Maybe you should wait until the tattoo is finished. What if he chases you out or something?” She looks at me in the wrong place, in horror.

“I didn’t think of that,” she said.

We stop about half way to fill up the car, she went to the bathroom and got a coffee. She was tired, so we did a sing along for a while to get her more alert.

“What if you find out something about me that you don’t like,” I finally ask what has been bothering me most.

She was quiet for a moment while she thought about it. “I am not very worried about that,” she said. “It did cross my mind, but I am sure there won’t be anything that bad. We all have pasts and did things we are not proud of.”

“I am terrified about what you might find.”

She reached out and I grabbed her hand, interlacing our fingers. “Don’t be,” she smiled reassuringly. “You let me know when I need to stop, and I will.”

We held hands the rest of the way, or my hand was on her thigh.

When we got to the bed and breakfast she immediately went for a shower and I waited for her on the bed. She came out of the bathroom wearing her usual oversized t-shirt she slept in, her legs bare, hair wet. She grabbed her pillow from her bag, threw it on the bed and then towel dried her hair before sitting on the bed next to me.

13. You You were restless, you were stressed and nervous and you felt like something was crawling over your skin. You kept turning, flipping the pillow, taking a sip of water and you just could not settle down. You were exhausted from the drive, but you just could not let go and fall asleep.

Next thing you knew, Noah grabs you around your waist, whispered, “Come here,” and pulls your back so that you are between his legs, your head resting on his shoulder. He pushed the covers off to one side and his large hands were firmly running up and down your arms, like he was trying to get rid of the crawling feeling. He grabbed your hand every now and again when he made his way down your arm, he ran his hand through your hair. “You are okay,” he whispered. “Breathe,” he said.

You did not need much encouragement for that part, because his hands all over you made your breath quicken and deepen. You squeezed your legs together and tried to stop yourself from grabbing him back. You close your eyes firmly and turn your head towards him and press your lips firmly against his neck, he tilts his head ever so slightly to give you better access. You touch your tongue to his skin and taste him and the way it was all him with a bit of salt made you turn slightly in his grip and free your one hand from his ministrations so you could throw your arm around him and hold him in place as you lick up the column of his neck to his jawline. You do this slowly and deliberately.

“Jesus,” he moans and his mouth is desperate to find yours in a crushing kiss. It was a kiss of urgency, like you were holding back for way too long. You definitely were.

You turn your body as much as you can so you can access him more easily as your hands grab at his shoulders. He bites onto your bottom lip and drags his teeth as he pulls away and then bites into your neck gently. You grab his hair at the sensations he was sending through your body. You were both panting. His breath hot against your jaw as he finds his way back to your mouth. You kept your eyes shut.

He makes the bold move, because your boldness was turning into uncertainty for many reasons. He moved out from under you to hover above you, kissing you all the time. Your whole being was burning for him, every part of your body was alive with need for him, but your brain kept wondering how all of this was even possible. You actively decide to not worry about it, because no one knew the answer, not even Noah. So, you would just take whatever you could.

His hand lands on your hip and he runs it down your thigh and then over where he taps lightly. You ease your legs apart and he settles there like it was always where he was meant to be. He runs a single finger along the top of your underwear, back and forth, asking permission. You quickly squeezed his hand as an answer and then pushed his shirt out of the way and up his back, needing more. You manage to wrestle the shirt off him and then he sneaks his hand into your underwear slowly making his way to where you wanted him most.

“Is this okay?” he pants. You open your eyes and there he is in all his glory kneeling between your legs leaning forward on one arm, while the other hand was very gingerly touching you, his hair tousled from your fingers running through it, his dark eyes seemed even darker.

You grab his arm and lean forward needing to be closer to him, “Noah,” you breathe, “yes,” you nod. You kiss him messily and pull him back with you and when his fingers slowly drag through the wetness there, you gasp and he moans. He starts a rhythm with his touching, drawing circles with his fingers and it immediately drives you insane. You grip onto his back with urgency, not even knowing what you are trying to achieve other than to be closer to him, climb inside of him, anything. When your nails dig in, he moans again and the way his voice cracks, the deep tremble that vibrates through his throat is beautiful and filthy. “You are killing me,” you rasp.

He hesitates for a second. “In a good way?”

“God, yes, in a good way,” you barely manage to get out.

Then, he grips the edges of your underwear and starts working them down your hips. You lift slightly so he can slip them off entirely before he is back where he left off.

He kisses you, his lips just pressing against yours with insistence. You hear and feel his breath and you wonder for a second if breathing is necessary for him. But then he stops what he is doing so that he can press a single finger into you. He does this slowly. He squeezed his eyes shut, but you are in awe of him and just how impossibly ethereal he looks that you cannot look away if you tried. “So warm,” he says.

He readjusts himself so that he has better access to you, but this makes him more out of reach and you do not like this, but when he moves that finger inside of you with surety, curling it just slightly you throw your head back and let out a moan of pleasure. This makes him smile. When he adds a second finger, so that his pointer and middle fingers are working together you can feel the tingly, deep feeling starting to build up. He goes slower, like he knows exactly what you are feeling, dragging the feeling out longer. You move your hips along with him, he keeps gently pushing your thighs apart with his body. You reach for him and he grabs your hand, entwining your fingers together without a thought. Then the feeling reaches its peak and the orgasm washes through your entire body in intense but almost gentle way. It does not overwhelm you that you feel you want to push him away, instead when he works his fingers all through the orgasm, you gripping him rhythmically, it is just what you wanted and needed. The feeling is so intense that you feel tears stinging at your eyes, you try to blink them away, knowing that Noah will think he was making you sad.

But he already saw, and he was kissing your eyes, running his hand across your face to push your hair back as finally removes his fingers from you and then he lays between your legs, his weight comforting against you. “Are you okay?” he asks.

You can just nod.

“You are so amazing,” he whispers in your ear, he keeps his head buried in the crook of your neck. You reach your arm around him and hug him to you as close as you can. You squeeze your thighs around his hips. Then he maneuvers himself so he is next to you and he pulls you closer, so your head is resting tucked under his chin, he tangles your legs together. “Now, please get some sleep,” he mumbles and his arms rests across your waist.

You still wanted to ask about him. You still wanted to overthink the whole reality of everything. But your eyes were heavy, you were warm and so comfortable breathing him in that you fell asleep effortlessly.

14. Noah Nicholas greeted her with a shy warmth when we arrived. He had a beanie pulled over his messy black hair. He showed her to his area, showing her the final design again, asking if she was sure, getting the stencil ready. I kept my hand on her lower back, I could see she was tense, breathing too fast, kept wiping sweat at her brow. She was panicking.

“You can take a moment before we start,” Nick said so calmly and with such kindness. I looked at him and felt familiarity. His mannerisms and slightly awkward demeanor seemed not only familiar but hit me so much deeper than I ever thought it would. After my death I have only ever felt a bond with her. I did not expect the fullness in my heart from seeing someone that had clearly been a dear friend of mine.

She lifts her skirt up where she stands in front of a mirror and Nicholas slides closer on his chair with wheels, holding the stencil. He patiently takes his time and asks her is she is happy with the placement, asks if she is sure. He applies it with gentle precision and rolls back to have a look for himself. When she convinces him that she was happy, he shows her to the bench. She settles herself on the bench he had ready, covered in plastic. She awkwardly tries to find a comfortable position and I can see that this is overwhelming for her. And I understand, the whole thing is a strange situation to say the least. She lays back a little and she exposes her thigh again. Meanwhile he is carefully wrapping the tattoo gun, placing cling wrap everywhere, filling little containers with ink. He is meticulous. While he is distracted, I stand behind her and I rub her back, squeeze her hand, run my fingers through her hair. I cannot offer any verbal reassurance; we are not sure if he would hear.

Both of us are sure that it is only her that can hear me. But we have no basis for this belief. We could be wrong. Now was not the time to test our theory.

Her skin is clammy by the time Nick comes closer to start the process. He asks if she is ready and she nods. He stretched the skin and starts. I can see the pain etched into her eyebrows immediately as Nick draws the first line. She puts a hand behind her back for me and I grab it and hold on.

“It is pretty painful,” Nick laughs softly and kindly. “You just let me know if you need a break or anything.”

“Thank you,” she chokes out. This was worse than she was bargaining for. I feel guilty.

I carefully rub her hand, even massaging at times. I would bend over and kiss her arm, her neck every now and again as a distraction and as encouragement.

“So how did you hear about me?” Nick asks. They have exchanged some pleasantries. Nick was trying to make her feel at ease, but he was also shy and it did not come as naturally to him.

She blushes when he asks this, because she has no idea how to answer this question. She takes a moment, while she is squeezing my fingers so hard. “I actually heard about you from Noah.” She says this while looking intently at him for a reaction of any kind. He stopped tattooing and looked her in the eye, a slight rattled look on his calm features. “Noah?” he says while he is processing the information.

“Yeah. Davis.” She says and I can feel how her heart starts beating even faster.

“Wow, I was not expecting to hear that,” he says softly, he looks down like he was just flooded with memories that were now playing through his mind. In that moment, I wanted to comfort him too. “He’s been gone for three years.” A deep furrow formed on his brow.

She nodded solemnly. “He was very fond of the pieces you did for him,” she said, calculatingly giving very little information.

Nick smiled. “He was so young when we did some of it. Fuck, he was so young when he insisted on getting a sleeve on one whole arm.” The smile faded a bit and he sighed. He shook himself and started tattooing again. “He always was an old soul. Insistent on doing what he wanted, how he wanted, when he wanted.” Nick drew a few lines of the tattoo before he asked, “How did you know him?”

She tensed for a moment. I rubbed her back softly. I was feeling every bit of the emotion in the room too. By the looks of things, I was in a room with the two people that I cared about the most. “I did not know him very well before he died,” she told a half lie. “But I just kept dreaming about the tattoo of the Moon Lady and I thought it must mean something.”

He glanced up briefly and then back to his work on her thigh. “Yeah, he dubbed her the Moon Lady,” he laughed. “I designed her special for him. I also helped him fix the mess of a sleeve he had done when he was way too young.” “You two were close?” she asked quietly.

“He was my best friend.” Nick had a sad look on his face. “Since Noah was fifteen, we just hung out all the time. We had some good times. We actually met because he came looking for work at the tattoo parlour I was apprenticing at.” I was listening to every word he was saying, drinking it all in.

“He had such an independent mind,” he continued. “He was playing for a band and he was so sure that music was his future, he dropped out of school and everything…”

“He dropped out at fifteen?” she asked a little shocked.

“Yeah, he was a different one,” Nick smiled. “I miss him.”

The image of the moth that Nick designed for the tattoo was slowly taking shape, her skin was red and she flinched every time he used the rough paper towel to wipe away at the ink and blood. She was in agony, I could tell.

“This is so much more painful than I ever thought it would be,” she whispered to me while we were in the bathroom. She had asked for a break. “I thought I was tougher than this.”

‘You are doing great,” I whisper back.

“I should have just asked for a coffee date or something and spilled the beans right away,” she was splashing herself with cold water, rubbing her neck.

“You are doing fine,” I insist.

“I really am not, Noah,” she huffs. She stares at me for full minute. “Are you fine?” she asks.

“No,” I answer simply. She takes a step closer and goes down on her knees in front of me where I am sitting on the closed toilet. She takes my hands.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers.

“I feel like I can remember something as soon as he says it. Like he is filling in pieces of a puzzle,” I try to explain. “I want to hug him. Is that silly?”

“No,” she says.

“I don’t like seeing you in pain.”

“It’s my own fault.”

“Maybe you went too big for the first tattoo.”

“Maybe. But everyone always says you should go bigger than you think.”

We kiss there by the toilet in the black and white bathroom, comforting each other as much as we can.

15. You You go back out and smile and grit your teeth through the last end of the shading done on the moth, but you also bite back tears. The whole thing is too much. You are in so much physical pain you are struggling to cope, your heart is going through all the emotions of learning more about Noah. You are also so worried about him and how he might take any news that comes out of this. You are all over the place.

“Tell me more about him,” you prompt.

“He was very private. Only really shared his secrets with the people he was closest to. I don’t remember him ever mentioning you,” Nick’s voice was still soft and kind.

“I’m not trying to pry,” you quickly explain. “I guess I just wish I had the chance to know him before…”

“That accident was tragic,” Nick said. “I could not believe the news when I heard. I was even waiting for him to pat me on the shoulder at his own funeral I was in denial so bad.”

“Slippery roads in the rain, right?” you add.

“Yeah,” Nick nodded. “But he must have been speeding. Noah was always a very responsible driver. You know, especially after what happened when he was young. When his dad died. He always had respect for the rules, he knew the consequences for being reckless too well. I wish I knew what had happened. Wish I could talk to him again.”

“Do you think something was suspicious?” you ask.

“Sometimes,” Nick sighs. “But I have made peace with the fact that I will never know.”

“Accidents can happen so quickly,” you try to comfort. “I just always hope that he was at peace. That it was quick. That he didn’t suffer.” Once the words were out of your mouth you realise how hard you really did hope that. How much it haunted you that Noah went through a death. You also realise that you have never said this to Noah, because you feel how he rests his head against your shoulder. You want to turn and hug him, hold him.

“God, I hope so too,” Nick says, his voice small. “From the police report it sounds like that it was quick. His injuries were severe.” He stops tattooing for a moment to lean back so that he was looking at the ceiling. Your heart was breaking for both these men.

“I’m sorry,” is all you can think to say.

“If I cry now, I will have to resanitise everything,” he tries to chuckle. He takes a deep breath and continues to tattoo.

You bite back tears yourself, blinking as quickly as you can. You can’t think of what else to say.

“You haven’t said how you know Noah,” he said.

You notice the present tense. “Him and I were talking online. For a few months,” you lie quickly. Knowing that the truth would not go over well at all at his moment. “I had a great time talking to him. It was texts only.” You had to account for your limited knowledge.

“Oh,” Nick says nodding.

You do not say anything again.

You drive back to the guest house, your leg wrapped in cling wrap, taped at the edges, Noah’s hand resting just above the tape. You feel like both of you are hanging by a thin thread and you are quiet all the way. He rubs your thigh comfortingly. You squeeze his fingers back.

As soon as you close the door of the guest house behind you, you and Noah are in each other’s arms, clinging to each other and within seconds of that you start crying, chest heaving for air and then Noah is crying too, burying his face in your neck, his breath hot.

You take his hand after a while and guide him to the couch, where you lie down and he lays next to you on your good leg’s side, his head on your chest. You both cry for a while longer while running your fingers through his hair and rubbing his back. “I feel like I miss him so bad,” Noah says later his voice thick. You kiss his hair. “The connection I felt was insane.”

“He was very kind,” you say.

“I wanted to speak to him and tell him I’m okay,” he sounds defeated.

“We can make a plan,” you reassure him. After a while you whisper your suggestion, knowing it was not great. “We can write him a letter?”

Noah reaches over and pulls up your skirt to expose the tattoo and he lifts his head to look. He absent-mindedly starts picking at the tape around the edges.

“I need to let him know,” he says. “Can we write the letter now? How’s your leg?”

“My leg is fine,” you say. You get up to get your bag and dig out a notebook and a pen. “How do you want to do this? How honest are we going to be?”

Dear Nick I felt the need to clarify a few things. I had no idea how to say these things to you yesterday. I felt like saying it would be disrespectful to you in a way, because I had no idea if you would believe me. I did not want you to feel like I was playing with your emotions. I lied. I did not exchange texts with Noah. He appears to me. He says he has been appearing for years, but I have only been able to notice for a few months now. His ghost, or soul, or presence or essence, I don’t know. I know that is crazy. So does he. But it is true and I don’t know what to tell you about it. He cannot remember a lot of things; he is unclear on a lot of his past and I came to you to try and get some extra information. I felt in the moment that it would be insensitive to tell you this, because then you had to respond to me – and how is anyone supposed to respond?? Noah was with me yesterday during our session. He asked me to say the following in the letter: He cannot remember you as well as he wishes, but that he does remember that you were a person that made him feel seen and safe. He knows that he loved you dearly. He was also so adamant to let you know that he was okay. I am leaving town, I have a long drive home, but should you wish to contact me I will leave my contact details at the end. I will also have breakfast at the restaurant on the corner from your shop, should you wish to talk to me in person. Thank you for doing a great job on the tattoo. Thank you for being so important to Noah when he needed you. Kindest regards

16. Noah I carefully pealed the cling wrap and tape from her leg and then with great care put on an ointment that Nick had suggested. This morning when we woke up the skin was not red anymore and the tattoo looked great almost no scabbing. It was beautiful. I had a viscerally emotional response to it, seeing my friend’s work on her thigh.

“Does it hurt?” I ask.

“No, just sensitive,” she smiles at me.

We returned to the shop after writing the letter and left it under the wiper blade of his car, we decided that we really did not want to make him uncomfortable and force him into a situation he had no choice being in.

I was so nervous about breakfast, having no idea what to expect. I could tell she was too. She seemed calmer, the adrenaline of the pain from being tattooed out of her system. I think it contributed to her emotional response the previous day. But I still felt nauseous with the need to connect with Nick and it was truly strange.

When the car was packed and we double checked the bathroom for anything we might have left behind, we quietly drove to the restaurant. She picked a table at the back, a little secluded but sat in a spot where she could see the door, should he decide to show up.

She ordered coffee. I had my hand on her thigh. She had pulled the skirt up to expose the tattoo, to get relief from the material touching the sensitive skin. I traced the outline gently. I could tell she wanted to talk, she was crawling in her own skin again, fidgeting with a straw wrapper that was on the table. The coffee came and she slowly sipped at it.

“I’m not even hungry,” she whispers. But we need to kill time. So, she ordered something, just so we could stay a little longer.

“If he doesn’t show,” I say, sighing, “It’s okay. This was never a guaranteed success anyway.”

“Yeah,” she sounds defeated. I love her for helping me with this. I want to tell her but instead I kiss her cheek and she gives me a weak smile.

And then Nick walks through the door.

She stands immediately, waving him over.

He did not smile. He just walked over, his hands buried deep in his pockets and he looked everywhere except at her. He seemed like he had had no sleep. He slides into the seat opposite her still looking away.

“Hi,” she says.

“Hi,” he answers.

The waiter shows up and takes his order for orange juice.

“You need to explain that letter you left me,” he says looking her in the eye for the first time. “It was messing with me all night.”

She nods. “I know that what I said is crazy. I am aware. But it is true. I don’t have an explanation of how it is possible. I am not a psychic or any of that shit.”

“How do you communicate with him?” he asks.

“You believe me?”

“I did not say that.”

She grimaces, but steels herself before she begins. “At first it was small things, like sounds I heard in my house, things not where I left them, touches, whispers. For a very long time, I was convinced that it was my mind playing tricks on me. But eventually, he was more in control of himself and we could start talking and he could touch me. It got to the point where I had to accept it regardless of how I felt. He became a comforting presence to me.”

Nick was quiet for a moment absorbing what she said. “You said he couldn’t remember much?”

“No, he can’t. So, I starting having dreams, like he was giving them to me. I dreamt of you one night, giving him the Moon Lady tattoo and it was so real, the details the way you two were joking around. Then I started to take all the clues and I started putting the puzzle together. I am not explaining this very well.” She takes a few big gulps of her coffee.

His orange juice and her breakfast arrive, they both ignore their orders.

“You said he was there yesterday?” he asks.

She simply nods.

He leans forward, holding his head in one hand. “I could have sworn that I saw him yesterday. Almost from the corner of my eye, you know. Part of why I was so emotional talking about him to you. But I was sure it was just because our conversation was about him”

Her eyes went wide. “We didn’t know whether you would be able to see him or hear him.”

“He is okay?” Nick asks his voice thick.

“Yeah,” she says.

I feel my heart clench so much it hurts. I get up and stand behind him. I make eye contact with her before I carefully place my hand on his shoulder. He tensed immediately and I felt elated that he could feel it.

“Is he…?”

“Yes,” she says.

He brings his hand up and places it over mine. “Jesus,” he says giving a nervous laugh.

“It’s just Noah,” I say quietly. He heard me. He twists around, stands and grabs at me and we hug so tight.

“This is fucking weird,” he says.

“You need to be cool, people might look,” she says, but she is beaming.

We release the hug and he awkwardly looks around, because he couldn’t see me. “I miss you,” he says.

“I miss you,” I whisper back.

He sits back down and I sit next to him. She picks up a fork and starts eating her breakfast, the tension gone from her face.

“Can you remember the crash?” Nick whispers.

17. You You watched for about a solid hour while they spoke and caught up. The friendship that they shared was obvious to you, as they were so at ease with each other, despite the absurdity of the situation, despite the time apart, despite literal death. Noah’s eyes had a sparkle to them and it made you so happy to see. It was strange to see him interact with someone else, but it was so humanising. You said very little and were happy to just watch the two of them and absorb Noah’s laugh.

Eventually you had to leave though. Nick took you to his car where he had a box that he handed to you. “I packed this last night,” he said making eye contact with you. “I wasn’t sure I was going to give it you,” he looked down. “But I think you will both really learn a lot from it.”

You gave Nick a long, tight hug and thanked him many times. Noah and Nick hugged quickly. You promised to keep in touch.

“That was great,” Noah said his voice sad.

“That went a million times better than we ever hoped for,” you said.

“It did,” he said. “I can’t believe that he could actually feel me, that we could speak. I have never felt as real as I did when you could both hear me.” His voice grew soft at the end.

You reach over and gently take his hand, he intertwined his fingers with yours. “We will make a plan and see him again. I can absolutely see how the two of you were friends.”

“Are,” he corrects you. “We are friends.”

“Yeah,” you smile. You keep your eyes on the road, but you want to look into his eyes. You knew this was a lot to handle. “I am dying to know what’s in the box.”

“Me too,” he says.

“You open it, we have a long way to go still. Could kill some time.”

He drops a kiss to your hand before he reaches back to retrieve the shoe box. He settles it on his lap and stares at it for a while. You say nothing. He carefully lifts the lid of the box and slowly pushes it back. “Well fuck,” he breathes. “What?” you ask, sneaking peaks at the box.

“You drive,” he points through the windscreen towards the road. “I’ll give details.”

“Okay,” you snort.

“Right so, it seems like some of my stuff,” he says. “Hang on.” He digs through the things in the box.

“Noah,” you say in frustration after a while.

“Alright, alright, biggest item is this shirt.” He takes it out and shakes it out so you could look quickly. “It is a white shirt and it has a picture of…. It looks like Jesus and the devil playing basketball.” He laughs. “That is so cool.”

“Give me,” you take it and immediately smell it. Spicy and clean. “Mmmm, smells like you.” You keep the shirt on your lap.

“Then we have a beaded necklace with a big cross on, some bracelets, a plain gold ring.” He holds each piece and waits for you to look. He studies each item with care. Taking his time with each piece. “Here’s a copy of Into the Wild,” he flips through the pages of the book.

You were speechless. These few items meant the world. It was such a generous thing of Nick to do.

“Here is a flash drive also,” he says his voice sounding almost scared.

“The laptop is behind my seat.” You feel nervous.

Again, he rummages around in the back to take out the laptop. It takes a moment for him to boot it up and settle back. “What do you think this is?”

“Probably photos,” you say.

“Why am I scared of this?”

“Because whatever it is, it was your life,” you say gently. “Take your time.”

“Can I just say thank you to you first?” he says. “Thank you for doing this. Being there for me.”

You steal a glance at him. “Of course,” you say. “I feel honoured that I am allowed to witness this.”

“I love you,” he says his voice deep. “Do you know that?”

Your heart beats faster instantly, you feel it trying to climb up through your throat. Why would he say this while you are driving? You want to stare into his eyes and hold him and comfort him. You slow the car down and pull off next to the road. He seems confused by your actions. Once the car is fully stationary, you undo your seatbelt and practically climb over to him as much as you can and you wrap your arms around his neck. You press your face into his neck and breathe in his smell. “I love you,” you whisper. He wraps his arms around you and squeezes you so tight.

You start peppering his neck in small kisses heading towards his jaw. You feel him smile and your heart swells. Kisses along his chin, his cheeks, his nose, his eyebrows. Finally, he takes your face between his large hands, his hands resting over your ears and he kisses you firmly, you feel him swallow. Then his tongue is gently at your lips and you kiss him back, opening up to him. The kiss is tender and he smiles into it and it makes you feel out of breath. When you break apart, he rests his forehead against yours for a few moments.

“Thank you for pulling the car over before doing that,” he whispers against your cheek with a giggle.

You laugh. “My pleasure.”

“Also mine,” he laughs. “But seriously, did you hear me?”

You nod, eyes locked with his. “Did you hear me?”

He nods. “I’m not even real, though. How can you love me?”

“You are more real to me than anything,” you say.

18. Noah I insert the flash drive into the laptop. We were on the road again. She turns her head and smiles at me while I watch her drive. I see the sparkle in her eye, and the emotions she feels for me are written on her face and she shows it to me without hesitation. Never can I express how that feels – the words do not exist to explain the feeling shattering my heart and then lovingly putting each piece back in its place. My heart that does not exist either. It’s almost painful. And it’s the best feeling. I should have told her that I loved her with flowers and music and grand gestures. But I needed her to know so badly in that moment.

“Are you okay?” she asks, suddenly frowning.

“I just love you so much,” I say as explanation.

“Noah,” she smiles. “I love you, too. But is this too much for you? We can wait until we get home. We can wait as long as you want.”

I take a moment to think about it. “Honestly, I want you to be able to look with me. I don’t want you driving, I want you holding my hand when I do this.”

She reaches out her hand and I take it. “Okay,” she says. “We wait.”

I kiss her hand. “I can offer you other entertainment?”

“Oh yeah?”

“Eye spy?” I say, trying to think of other games. She laughs and I think that I live for that sound. But I do not. I exist for that sound.

“I have a better idea,” she giggles. “Go pick a playlist with older music and then we guess the song. We see how much you can remember.”

“Interesting, you want to compete with me,” I say, starting to search for playlists. “If it is a banger, we play it through and see who knows the most lyrics.”

She nods with a big smile. She has my shirt wrapped around her neck like a scarf, she keeps smelling it.

We play the game and she drives. We sing along to songs, laugh when we get it wrong. We argue about which songs qualify as bangers. I feed her dried apples and sips of water. I watch as she walks to the bathroom when we stop for a break and she adds a desperate running step because she couldn’t wait any longer. She comes back with marshmallows and a coffee.

We got home and we unloaded the car with heavy limbs. She kept stretching and rubbing her butt, saying that she sat it completely flat. I assured her it was just as delicious as it was before.

As I stood under the spray of water from the shower head and I felt the water pelt my skin, the water droplets running down my body, I wonder if I really feel it, or whether I was just so in the moment, so desperate that I made it real in my head. I wish there were a rule book and that I could understand. But then I shake myself and decide that I should stop wasting my time on wondering. Enjoy the warmth of the water while you can feel it, Noah. Let yourself feel cleansed by the soap, Noah. Just stop thinking so goddamn much.

When I enter the bedroom, she is under the covers, pillows arranged how she likes it, her eyes gently closed. She must be tired. Ambient light is all that covers the room in a soft, warm glow.

I lift the covers and settle behind her, inching my way closer and closer until I was right up against her body and I put my arm around her waist and I put my face in her neck. “Hey, baby.”

She hums in response, her head tilting to allow me more access to her neck. I kiss her neck repeatedly and slowly and go up her jaw.

“You still awake?” I ask eventually.

“I am,” she whispers. She sounds slightly out of breath. She squirms and, in the process, pushes her butt back against me and I gasp in response. The sensation sends shivers down my spine and makes me achingly aware of my groin.

I take a deep breath to calm myself down a little. My hand goes under the shirt she is wearing and I feel her bare skin, soft and smooth. “Is this okay?” I ask.

“Yes,” she breathes.

I run my fingers over her waist with light touches, slowly working my way higher until I can feel the flesh of her breasts and then I take my time touching, squeezing and holding them. I feel her hardened nipples against my palm and I drink in every heavy breath she takes and releases. Her hips ever so slightly pushing back against me consistently. “My god,” I moan in her ear. “These are so perfect.” I kiss and suck at her neck. Rational thought was leaving me rapidly. “Come here,” I pant and I make room for her to turn onto her back and then I immediately lean in and over her and kiss her. My hand is still palming her breast.

She kisses me back with so much passion that I am overwhelmed for a few seconds. She has her hands on my shoulders, rubbing along them softly, in contrast with the way her tongue is running along my lips with fervour. “Noah,” she says.

‘Yes, baby?”

“Please, Noah.”

“What do you want? Tell me?” I pull back and make eye contact with her, making sure I hear what she is about to say.

“I need you,” she sobs almost. I have to kiss her solidly before I pull back again.

“What do you need?”

“You, all of you,” she says, her leg hooking around mine and she runs her hands down my back, lower and lower. “I need to feel your skin against mine.”

“Alright,” I nod and I push her shirt up and she lifts her shoulders just enough that I get it off and I slowly drag the shirt down her arms and then she is bare and I cannot breathe. I immediately lower my mouth and kiss a line between her breasts before I kiss one while my hand is on the other. I lick around her nipple, my tongue leaving shiny wet spots in its wake. I glance up and her head is thrown back, her eyes closed. “Hey,” I whisper to her and she looks down. “Keep your eyes on me,” I say. I flatten my tongue and glide it across the hardened bud of her nipple and she moans, then I bite down very softly and she grabs my hair.

“Can I take off your underwear?” I say locking eyes with her. She bites her lip and nods. I move my body and move the blankets so I can reach her and I trail my fingers down her stomach and to her hips, and I slide my finger under the elastic and pull them down her hips. “Lift,” I say and I grip it and drag it down and she lifts her legs up so can remove them more easily. I look at her to make sure she was still okay with all of this, and I see she is nervous. But her eyes also look at me with dark hunger. “You still okay with this?”

“I am,” she squeaks.

“You sure?” I say, standing up on my knees on the bed. She nods. “I am going to ask you to open these legs for me, love. Are you okay with that?” I say this sternly. I need her to understand that my intentions were far from pure. She looks me in my eyes and I see her swallow heavily.

“I am so sure,” she whimpers.

Relief and arousal floods through me at the same time. “Thank fuck,” I breathe and then, “Open.” I grab one ankle and help to place it far away from the other and I maneuver both of us so there’s a bit more space for me and I settle down between her legs. I could already see her arousal glistening in the faint light. Salivating, I kiss her soft inner thighs and hook my one arm around her upper thigh, holding her in place. Then I take a finger, the same finger that has already been inside of her, and run it up and down spreading her arousal. She responds by squirming a little, she is biting her lip. I use my hand to spread her open slightly and then I press my tongue to her and I am overcome with her taste and emotions and the feeling of my cock becoming even harder. I lick up to her clit and then gently suck on it and she bucks her hips, and I feel victorious. “You taste so good,” I say. I drag my tongue down and it sinks into her wet mess at her opening and I drink her in. “So very wet,” I say as I suck on her again. Her hips start to move, it seems, of their own accord and she lets out little moans and she reaches down and grabs my hair. I am so into that. “Noah, oh my god,” she cries. I feel like a god between her legs.

“You want my fingers?” I ask.

“Yes.” No hesitation.

I slowly and carefully push two fingers into her and I hold my breath as I feel her insides clench around them. I pump them in and out of her slowly and curl my fingers and she is moaning, and just like the previous time she tries to close her legs but my body is in the way. “Baby, take my hand,” I reach my free hand up and she takes it and grips it. “Is it too much?” I ask.

“I don’t know,” she moans, “It feels so good.”

“Grip my hand tighter when it gets too much. I need you to hold on for me,” I look her in the eye. “I am going to keep going, okay?”

She nods and I pump my fingers again and then I lower my mouth and lick over her clit and when I feel her hips move and her grip on my hand tighten, I lick faster and harder and I keep going until she tells me that she is going to come and I keep going. Her hips lose rhythm and I look up at her and watch her utter beauty as she comes apart against my mouth. She brings her free hand up and clamps it over her mouth and I still hear her cries.

When she stills, I remove my fingers from her and climb up towards her so I can kiss her. She is breathing heavily, so am I. I kiss her tenderly, and she responds eagerly, her hands traveling all over my arms, shoulders and back. “I don’t know how this will work,” I say as I dare to look down at myself. “But can I please, please fuck you?” I bury my face in her neck, I have to concentrate to not just mindlessly rub against any part of her.

She pulls back from me and hold my face between her hands and she looks in my eyes for a moment, looking back and forth between my eyes. Love radiates from her and she pulls my face down to kiss my nose. “What do you need from me?” she whispers. “I need to be inside you, as soon as I can possibly manage,” I smile at her.

“What did you mean you don’t know how it works?” she says looking concerned.

“I just mean because I am a spirit. A ghost. I don’t know. But, honestly, the boner feels very, very real to me.”

“Yeah?” she asks and her hand is feeling me over the boxer briefs I have on. I have to squeeze my eyes shut and breathe through the feeling. “Feels real to me too. Hang on.” She lifts up slightly and pushes the briefs down a bit so I am free from the constraint. She wraps her hand around me slowly and pumps up and down a few times excruciatingly slow. She lets go and her index finger teasingly swipes up the bead of pre-come from my tip and she sucks it off of her finger and if I was not already dead….

“Christ!”

“Definitely real,” she giggles. “Fuck, I didn’t expect you to taste that good,” her face suddenly serious.

“Um, thank you, baby, but we do not have time for you to taste more,” I say quickly. “I am already about to explode and I haven’t even been near to being inside of you.”

She lifts up and kisses me again. She is sloppy this time, running her tongue along my bottom lip. “I don’t mind waiting,” she whispers.

“Lay back,” I tell her and she keeps looking at my face with such adoration. I rip the briefs off and then I take a hold of myself and run my cock up and down her a few times, across her clit spreading the wetness a bit, she throws her arms up above her head and sighs loudly. “You ready? I’ll go nice and slow.”

“I’m ready,” and she wraps her legs around my hips trying to encourage me closer.

I slowly and carefully push past the resistance at her entrance and keep going until I am completely buried inside the heat and clenching wetness. I literally could not breathe. I fall forward on top of her, my elbows trying to keep some of my weight off her. Her arms wrap around me immediately, her thighs gripping me and she peppers my face with kisses while I struggle to inhale. “You are fucking perfect,” I manage to get out. “Perfect.” She started squirming under me. “Please,” I choke out. “Wait a second. I need to calm down.”

She patiently rubs my shoulders while she licks at my neck. “I love you,” she whispers in my ear.

“I love you,” I sob into her skin.

She soothingly rubs my back and I hear her take a deep breath near my ear and then she exhales slowly and then deep breath in again and without a word, I join her breathing and then I start feeling like I have a bit of control back. So, I start moving just a little and work up to a steady rhythm and she opens her legs wider and clings to my arms. “You feel so good,” she gasps and I cannot believe that this is real, and I have to tell myself that I had better not start overthinking.

I lift myself up a bit so can have more leverage and I look down at her face contorted with pleasure, her body beneath me, the body that I have been looking at for years, never dreaming this would be possible, the body that I knew I was lucky to just be able to briefly touch in a moment of realness and here it was – gorgeous and writhing with me deeply inside of it. I fuck her harder and slightly faster and I hear the slap of skin on skin. She cries out and swears and moans. And this, I think, could not possible feel any better if I had been alive. Suddenly, she makes eye contact with me and she nods with very small movements and her hand sneaks down between us and she touches herself. “Fuck, baby that’s so hot,” I say to her. “I am not going to last much longer.” “Please,” she says and she tries to sit up and reaches up for me, so I lower myself down so I can kiss her and she kisses me. “I am coming,” she says. I grab her hand and we kind of lose control at the same time and I still most of my movements and she is twitching and gripping me so tight and it lasts so long. She bites my shoulder and then licks it to sooth the bite. I stay inside her and collapse and our breaths are hot and heavy.

“Baby, just let me stay inside a little longer,” I say because I am so sensitive. She jolts every few seconds as aftershocks go through her. “I love you,” I tell her again because I need her to know so badly. How much she means to me. “I love you.” “I love you so much,” she rubs my shoulders again and then starts running her fingers over my back lightly scratching. Goosebumps form over my whole body.

“I don’t need heaven, ever,” I whisper in her ear. “I have already found mine.”

19. You You wake up and you smell him, your face resting against his shoulder blade, your naked body curled up around his, his back to you, your arm around his waist and you are holding on to him like your life depended on it. When you open your eyes, you realise that your breasts are pressed up against Jesus’ face on his back and you cannot help but smile at that.

For a long time, you just admire his broad shoulders with a dusting of freckles where the tattoos do not cover his skin. You look at where he has slept his hair into standing at odd angles. You listen to him breathe, slow and even with a slight whistle when he inhales through his nose. When you move your feet a little, you feel the course hair on his legs. Every single part of him was so absurdly perfect. Except when your brain starts thinking, again, that he is dead. You press your hand to his chest, press it firmly. You do not feel a heartbeat.

When he stirs a while later, he turns to face you with a dopey smile on his face. His face is slightly swollen from sleep, his lips are puffy. His lips are a part of him that you have been greatly underappreciating. They are just so kissable. His eyes are squinted almost shut. Beautiful.

“Hey,” he croaks and moves closer so he can hold you, his long arms wrapping around you and his mouth resting against your forehead. “How are you doing?”

“Mmm, I feel great,” you say. “And you?”

“Oh, I am so very good and great and relaxed and wonderful,” he smiles against your face.

You laugh and kiss his chin. “You are so warm,” you say as you snuggle closer.

“And you smell amazing. You always do in the mornings.”

“You smell me in the mornings?”

“Absolutely, I do,” he says and drags his nose along your face until its buried in your hair.

You lay in comfortable silence and almost fall back asleep when he says, “That flash drive is haunting me.”

“Shall I go get it?” you ask. You have thought about it, but there have also been many other things on your mind. The way he kept calling you baby the previous evening being one of the things.

“I will, I’m just nervous still.”

“I have to go to the bathroom anyway. And I am ready to hold your hand. But if you want to wait, that is also fine, you know that.”

“Okay,” he says apprehensively. You search and find your shirt that was flung off you and pulled it over your head. “Leave the underwear,” he says pouting at you.

You make sure to pull the shirt down as low as it would go when you leave to the bathroom first, and then to go find that laptop where the flash drive is still inserted.

Noah is already sitting up and he has arranged the pillows for you both to be comfy. You climb in get under the covers and scoot closer and you place the laptop on both your laps. “You do it,” he says.

“Okay,” you run your finger along the mousepad and click to open the folder. Inside are photos, videos and audio files. You just know that whatever you are about to see is going to make you cry. He wraps his arm around your shoulder. “We can stop whenever you want. Where do you want to start?”

“Photos.”

You click and then you start clicking through the album and it was already a lot to handle. Many photos of Noah with friends, you only recognise Nick. Photos of Noah where he was so young. Photos with his skin in varying stages of being tattooed. His hair in different styles. There many photos of him making silly faces, many with him holding musical instruments, many with animals.

Noah was quiet for the most part, only commenting occasionally. “Is that a dermal piercing?”

“It looks like,” you smile.

The two of you can only guess at the other people. Noah tells you that some of the people look familiar, but he could not really place them.

So, then you go over to videos.

Videos were mostly of him hanging out with his friends, making jokes, being silly, drinking, making music. Many videos of Noah singing, some, where was very young, singing songs, clearly still finding his feet. But as Noah ages in the videos his talent becomes more and more pronounced. His voice improving, the songs improving. Videos of him playing guitar, playing keyboard, making music on the computer.

Noah would hide his face with some videos and with others, he would nod his head along with the sounds. You loved the insight this gave. The details neither of you would have ever known.

Until the video that started playing was a slideshow.

Noah gripped your hand slightly tighter and you squeezed back as images cycled with a Matchbox Twenty song playing. Tears were rolling down your face silently as you couldn’t help but imagine being at the funeral, knowing that you have lost this man. At the same time, you know that it happened.

Noah eventually stopped the video when he could not take it anymore. His head dropped down and you moved closer. He turned and buried his face in your neck and you held him as close as you could manage. A few sobs shook his body and then you couldn’t hold it back anymore either. You could guess what he was feeling. He didn’t have to say anything. The loss of everyone he knew, the life he knew and mostly himself. This life that he could not really remember.

He fell asleep after a while, you running your fingers through his hair slowly.

Later he softly kissed your neck and whispers, “How do you think we would have met?”

You think for a moment before you say, “Me getting a tattoo and you coming by to visit Nick. Or maybe at a concert, in the crowd.”

“By the looks of how rowdy my friends and I seemed to get, you could have been a neighbour that complained about the noise,” he adds.

“Maybe just at the grocery store, I would have been checking you out for sure.”

“Yeah?” he asks.

“Definitely.”

“We could have both been hiding from people in a social situation,” he grips your hand.

“Oh, I can see that,” you smile.

“We will never know, and that kills me,” he whispers.

You resist making a comment about that. “But we did meet. It might not have been the way it should have happened, but you found me regardless.”

“That is true,” he takes a few breaths. “I would have been staring at you too, by the way. In the grocery store.”

“Thanks,” you laugh.

20. Noah The thought plagues me non-stop. I don’t want to think it, I actively try not to, but just keeps coming up. For days and days when I am with her, when I am not, I keep wondering. I try to leave her alone a little bit, to see if it goes away. But it doesn’t.

“Noah,” she calls out into the living room. She is reading a book on the couch, but she looks up and keeps searching for me.

Maybe now is the time to bring it up. I walk closer and reach out my hand to her and she takes it. She moves over and I sit next to her.

“Are you okay?” she asks it very quietly. She knows something is eating me. Then new thoughts about how well she knows me crashes around in my head and I don’t know what I even want to say. “Something is bothering you,” she states. “Did I do something wrong?”

My heart breaks. “No,” I kiss the back of her hand. “But I have been thinking about something lately and I have to just tell you.”

She just nods. Her mouth is already turning down slightly, her eyes jumping back and forth between mine. I take both her hands in mine and turn towards her more. I can hear her take a breath and hold it. I look down at her knees.

“I am terrified that I am keeping you from living your life,” I say, still looking down. She says nothing. “What if you should be having a moment meeting a real live human being you should be dating? What if you spend too much time with me and you miss the life you should be living?”

She still keeps quiet, I can hear her breathing has picked up, but I cannot bring myself to look at her.

“I am sure you are my soulmate,” I carry on. “But maybe I am not yours. Maybe we never would have met, maybe I just died and you have another soulmate out there waiting for you.”

“What are you saying?” she finally speaks. Her voice is small.

“I don’t want to selfishly hold you back,” I say.

Tears splash down onto her arms and our hands and I look. Her bottom lip is trembling and a steady stream of tears are running down her face. “This sounds like you are saying you don’t want to be here with me anymore.”

“It’s not about what I want,” I try.

“It is, though,” she states.

“I want what is best for you.”

“And you don’t think that it’s you?”

“I am considering the possibility,” I whisper.

“Have I given you any indication that I need more than you?”

I keep quiet this time. I am hurting her and it was not my intention.

She cries audibly and I hear her breath catch and feel her shake. “Do you want to leave?” she asks simply.

“No,” I start. “Noah,” she interrupts me. “Don’t bullshit me right now. Tell me the hard truth. Do you want to leave?”

I take a moment to think how to phrase this. “With my whole heart, I want to be with you.”

“Okay,” she wipes her tears and takes a shaky breath. “Here are my thoughts,” and she touches my cheek until I make eye contact and then drops her hand. Her stare is intense and the tears are threatening. “You do not get to choose for me. It’s that simple. You make decisions about what you want and I make decisions about what I want.” She waits for it to sink into my head. “I need you to stop being noble, or whatever, and just understand that I can tell you to fuck off if I want to.”

I nod. “Alright.”

“If I am your soulmate, you are mine. I know the situation is not ideal. I know it’s weird and neither of us know how this works. But I love you. And fuck you for saying all that.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know what you meant,” she says, “And I need you to trust me. Trust that I will be honest with you if I need something to change. Do you think I haven’t thought about these things? That maybe I am holding you back from heaven or some shit?”

“You are heaven,” I smile.

“Shut up, Noah,” she whispers. “All I know is we have this, whatever it is. I know I love you and I know that I choose you over all things living. It hurts me that you think I would be better off with someone else. That I need to go look for someone that isn’t you.”

“It kills me to think that,” I say quickly. “I hate the thought.”

“So, stop it,” she says taking my face in her hands. “Stop trying to fix everything. Stop thinking so much. This is immensely fucked up, but it is our fucked up and we get to make it of it what we choose.”

I smile at her. I place my hands over hers. She kisses me quickly. “You are too wise.”

“You need to stop letting these thoughts fester and then run away with you.”

“I realise I can overthink sometimes,” I sigh.

‘You think?” she wasn’t even smiling.

21. You You gasp awake, immediately trying to sit up, your breath hitching as pain ripped through your chest. It felt like you couldn’t inhale as the images of your dream is all you can see. Your limbs tangle in the blankets and the darkness has you confused.

“Shhhhh,” he says next you as he tries to get a hold of you, but you thrash against him and you have an overwhelming feeling that you needed to run, get away. Then you hear the sob tear through your throat. “Hey, it’s alright.”

He is persistent in his efforts to touch you, tether you to reality. Despite your violent movements, he gets a grip on you and he gently pulls you closer. Slowly, with your body fighting with all its might, you give in and allow him.

You begin to realise that it was a dream. A terrible dream, but it still hurt so bad. It still felt real. You felt the rain on your body, how the water drenched through your clothes, how it weighed down your hair that stuck to your neck and forehead. You could smell the fuel, the wind blowing, and the smell of tyres that had been desperately braked too hard. You saw the puddles of water and how the lights reflected in it. But most horrifically you saw him, your Noah, trapped in a car. His head was limply hanging against his chest, blood running down his brow. You walk closer and try to open the door of the car to get to him, but your hands to through the door like you were a ghost. You see inside that his arm was clearly broken and that his body was strangely close to the steering wheel where the airbag had deflated. His body looked wrong, broken. He was unsuccessfully trying to take a breath, with weak, jerky movements. You watched him die. Watched as the little bit of life drained out of him and he went still.

The horror and desperation were all that you could begin to process. You would give anything, absolutely anything, to turn back time, to replace your body with his. You wanted to scream to whoever was listening that they could have whatever they wanted, if you could save him. You wanted to climb into the car and fix him, you wanted to climb in and join him. Your entire being wanted to correct this mistake.

“Is it a bad dream?” his voice says next to you.

You cling to him with all your might, your sobs now so heavy that you could not talk or explain or breathe.

He rubs your back, holds you back and whispers in your ear that everything is alright, that he is there when you are ready to tell him. He soothingly hushes you.

You could not even feel relief that he was there, that it was him that was right there. Because you knew that what you dreamt was what happened. This beautiful soul that was comforting you, had really died right there, his chest crushed during the impact. But you weren’t there to help or even witness it. He had been all alone. Your heart was broken, because you would have endured all of that if it meant that he not been alone. You would have died right next to him if you could.

After what felt like hours, the sobs had stopped, but the tears still ran down your cheeks and into his shirt. Your face felt hot and swollen. “Do you want to know how you died?”

So, you tell him as gently as you could. He was quiet while he was stroking your hair, listening to the whole story without a word.

“I don’t remember any of this,” he says his voice small and very soft. “But,” he swallows. “I do remember feeling calm when I died. I have no memory of what happened to my body, but I remember that I didn’t feel alone, or scared. It felt like someone was there to help me through it.”

“Like God?” you ask.

He was quiet again for a very long time. “Maybe it was you.”

You look up at his face in confusion.

“How could you have known what happened if I can’t even remember it now? Maybe your soul was there with me. Looking after me and helping me die. Maybe our souls have been entwined for a lot longer than we thought.”

You did not know what to make of what he said. But you liked the idea that even if you couldn’t save him, you were there for him in a way.

“I wish I could have saved you,” you croak.

“You did, love.”

[End]

Bonus Chapter (kind of)

#noah sebastian fluff #noahsebastian #bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian fanfiction #noah sebastian fic #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian #noah sebastian smut #fluff #noahsebastianfluff #Noah sebastian fluff #soulmates #crying #Ghost Noah Sebastian #19 672 words

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bloodyinkandquill · 11 days

Text

Ban Hammer and sibling Reader

i almost typed x instead of and i almost screamed, my birthdays coming up so trying to figure out if my partner can come visit me for it, but collage schedules get in the way, might have to settle for thanks giving instead, anyways let’s write this lmao,

oh and for this you’ll see a lot of my head canons for how the spawns work in phighting, i will also use the canon of children being spawned with the mental and physical age of around 10, they also will just be considered 10 from their spawning!

- A child born to one of the Spawns without parents were a dime a dozen, more common then having parents, they’d still run a blood test to see if you had any biological family, siblings or parents, sometimes on rare occasions they’d find a sibling but for the most part the children were alone, left to be raised by the Spawn keepers, in a large building full of kids like you, for 8 years till either by some miracle you were adopted or more likely you aged out and were set into the world, or unfortunately also commonly, you’d be outside of the Spawn building with no keepers nearby and be involved in some sort of violence, and that was just one more open bed in the Spawn building

- You were just another kid, never really had any friends, but you’ve only been alive a year or so, you knew you would never be adopted, you’d age out, there were so many other kids, stronger, smarter, cuter, whatever than you, so you tried to make the best of your time in the Spawn, so when the keepers said your room unit was going to the park you were excited, one room unit at a time would go places so you were very happy to be going somewhere

- When you got to the park other kids started running around and playing with each other, you went off towards the sand box, but when you got close you saw someone was already playing there, looked older than you, maybe 14? With yellow horns, they looked off, maybe like they were dyed? They were building things then destroying them, laughing to themself and occasionally looking in a certain direction and talking, you weren’t sure who to, you gathered your courage to approach and ask if you could play with him, when you walked up behind him he turned around and you saw he had four eyes, you were a little surprised but said you liked his eyes, he lit up at that saying people usually think that they’re weird or scary, you asked to play with him and he agreed

- You learned his name was Ban Hammer, you had fun, eventually moving from the sand box to other things, he was older and bigger than you, neither of you minded and had the time of your lives, soon enough the keeper called out that you all were about to leave, you were sad and he asked why don’t you come back tomorrow, you explained you couldn’t, you were a parentless child living in the Spawn, he frowned and turned towards a certain direction and asked the air if he could keep you, you were, incredibly confused

- After some one sided conversation you heard the keeper call out your name, you were about to say bye and run over to the group when you heard a adult sounding voice groan and say fine, then looking back materializing in front of you was a demon, no not a demon, one of the swords, you were dumbfounded, Ban Hammer ran up and hugged her thanking her, she said to you that she’ll foster you, because she loves her son so much, if it works out she’ll adopt you, you were a little scared but if this worked out you’d not only get adopted but by one of the deities, you thanked her and she went over to the keeper you and her son in tow

- After that you begun living with them, you and Ban Hammer were very close, running around and playing all the time, he had to learn you weren’t as strong as him, you were younger and a mortal, he was a demigod so he had to watch his strength around you, neither of you minded and you two became very close, Windforce warmed up to you eventually, if one day you woke up and noticed you felt a little stronger and life there was some divine protection over you, you didn’t say anything but you did leave her a little gift

- As you two grew older you got closer, play fighting and talking about what you wanted to do as adults, you also started jokingly making fun of each other, playful banter and soft jabs, you formed a true sibling bond of going into each other’s rooms, turning on the lights, staring at each other then just leaving, since Windforce still had her duties to attend to you two would commonly be home alone, you never minded since she’d spoil you two whenever she got back, you would also assist him in dying his horns yellow, you did it once or twice too because you both wanted to look more like your mom, neither of you knew why his horns were purple to her yellow but you’d just shrug and put the dye on them

- With him being older he’d take you places like to go get food or to a store to buy snacks, since he could summon wings to fly with you worked out a way for him to fly you places, some nights you’d go soaring in the sky, it was those nice moments that made you closer, he’d play a prank of pretending to drop you but he always made sure you were never in any actual danger, you were one of the only mortals who ever got to see the world in that way, soaring in the air without a care in the world

- Once you two were both adults you saw each other less but still hung out often, meeting up to talk about your lives or to see Windforce, he stopped dying his horns yellow to look like your mom, and he started creating the Ban Lands, you offered assistance on occasion but for the most part he worked on it by himself, you’d reminisce on childhood memories, playing together and pranking each other, you still did on occasion, you’d butt heads in a playful way, if either of you were interested romantically in someone the other would instantly research everything about them and then deem if they were worthy of the other

hope you enjoyed! i semi projected me and my sister’s relationship, i have two but one isn’t biological (long story) so im far closer to my biological sister, she’s older and i love her/p (obviously)

#x reader #phighting #phighting x reader #phighting!#platonic #ban hammer x reader #banhammer x reader #phighting ban hammer #ban hammer phighting #banhammer phighting #phighting banhammer

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scourgeofgotham · 7 months

Text

FLORA

Are you in love with him?

(BATTINSON) BRUCE WAYNE X FEM!READER

SMUT 18+

contains: dd/lg, dubcon, manipulation

A/N:

i wrote this before i became incredibly depressed and anxious to the point i couldn't eat

i dont really have any motivation to continue writing atm, thats why its so short

You slept soundly in his arms, his heart beating against your ear. You were happy. You felt safe.

You woke up, your eyes adjusting to the dim light of the room. It was dark, you weren’t in his arms anymore, his body wasn’t against yours.

You were alone in a dark, cold room. You felt lonely, sad, confused, but most of all, you felt terrified. He took advantage of your emotions, to only throw you in a dark and cold room alone. You felt sick to your stomach, but you needed his love, you needed his warmth. You grabbed the robe he left you and put it on. You decided to walk around the manor and see if you could find him.

Your heart raced as you stepped foot out of the room, the manor was eerily quiet and dark. You called out for him but there was no answer. You were so scared, where could he have gone? You continued walking around the manor, the wooden floor made loud sounds as you walked around. You kept walking around the manor.

There was no sign of Bruce or anyone else. You started to believe that Bruce didn’t want you after all. You called out for Bruce again, this time with more fear and desperation in your voice.

No response.

You went back to his bedroom, tears dotting on your lashline. Why didn’t he love you? You thought to yourself. You crawled back into bed and cried yourself to sleep. It couldn’t be, he promised to love and care for you. He couldn’t have done this to you. He didn’t want you, and you were alone in a cold and dark manor. You were back where you started, feeling alone and scared. The sheets were cold. The room was quiet, only your sobs filled the air.

You wanted him. You needed him.

You fell asleep crying at the lost of him. You were crying over the man that kidnapped you.

Hours had passed, before you woke up.

You felt a weight on your chest, the sheets were slightly warmer now. Your body was filled with anticipation as you woke up slowly, your heart racing. You turned slowly to see him behind you, his head resting on your neck, his arms wrapped around you. He was sleeping, his grip around your arms wasn’t tight, it felt soothing and loving. You turned around fully and nuzzled into his chest, completely sobbing into him. His eyes flickered open slightly as he felt the sobs.

He held you tightly, his arms now tightly gripping you as you cried into him. You were completely vulnerable in that situation, you gave in to your emotions for Bruce. You loved him, you hated him, you wanted to be with him, you wanted to run far away from him. Everything you felt was conflicting “Shhh…” he whispered, “you’re alright, my little fairy” he smiled gently, his eyes looking at you lovingly.

In that moment, he knew you were completely and utterly hooked on him, in love with him, under his spell. He kept holding you tightly against him. You couldn’t move, his arms were so strong, so powerful, yet so loving and caring when he held you. You felt safe and protected. “Why did you leave?” You whispered. You wanted him. This was the most confusing, conflicting, intense but love-filled emotions you’d ever felt. It was overwhelming. “I had something to take care of, my little fairy” he whispered. His voice was low and sweet like honey. He kissed you once on your forehead. “I won’t leave you, forever.” He cooed. “Never?” You asked. “Are you sure?”

“I will always be by your side, my little fairy. Daddy will make sure you will never be alone” he promised. “You must make sure you’ll love me as much as I loves you, you must be a good little girl and listen to me,” he gave you a strict look, the kind of look that filled you with fear and longing at the same time. You were stuck inside this twisted, one-sided relationship that was the strangest and most confusing thing you’ve ever experienced. “Do you promise to love Daddy forever, Flora?” He asked, holding your chin. His eyes were full of love and obsession, he looked at you as if you were the most prized possession of his. “Yes or no, answer me” he whispered, his voice was strict and firm. Your heart fluttered and your mind went blank, it felt like you were under a trance of his. “Yes..” is all you managed to say. But you couldn’t deny your love for him either.

His words and acts of love made it impossible for you to not love him. You were a victim of a Stockholm Syndrome. You craved his attention, you feared him, but you also felt safe and cared for in his arms. “Good girl” he smiled. His grip around you was less tight, not as forceful, but he still held you tightly against him. He kissed you softly on the forehead.

“Let’s sleep” he whispered.

You nodded lightly. You felt exhausted. In the midst of your tears, of your conflicting emotions for him, you couldn’t hate him enough to not want to be with him. You wanted to be loved by him, cared for. You wanted to belong to him. “Goodnight” he whispered.

You felt safe being in his arms.

Once again you fell asleep in his arms.

#batfam #batman #bruce wayne x reader #batman x reader #batman x y/n #batman x you #battinson #robert pattinson

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crazyunsexycool · 11 months

Text

My Little Love

Chapter 28

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x enhanced!Reader

Word Count: 3.7K

Warning: MAJOR ANGST, sad everyone, explosions, gunfire, major character deaths, talks of injuries, a child using a gun (you'll see) cliffhanger

A/N: I am kind of sorry for this...

Series Masterlist

Pillows were laid out, blankets were ready for use, snacks were prepared and everyone was in their comfiest pajamas. Alpine was snuggled up to Henry and Lottie was snuggled up against you.

🎶 “Life is a highway

I wanna ride it all night long.

If you’re going my way

Well, I wanna drive it all night long.”🎶 The three of you sang along to the movie.

“Can habe mo’ mama?” Lottie lifts up the bowl you’d used for popcorn.

“Sure thing, Sweet Angel. Do you want some more bubs?”

“Yes please.”

“I’ll be right back.” You grab the bowl and your phone and head to the kitchen.

After throwing a bag of popcorn into the microwave you look at your phone. There’s some messages in your family group chat but none from Bucky. You’re itching to text him just to give him encouragement. This has to be incredibly difficult for him, it would be for you too. These were the people that had a hand in creating his kids. In abusing and hurting them with the hopes of creating monsters.

The microwave beeps letting you know that it’s done. You turn your attention to that instead and decide that Bucky doesn’t need a distraction.

There was a weight on your midsection and a second later a blood curdling scream. That woke you up with a start. When your eyes adjusted to the darkness you realized Lottie was sitting on top of you. Her hands were gripping your shirt hard enough to rip it. You were disoriented for a moment before you remembered you had been in the living room watching tv and must have fallen asleep. Another sob from Lottie gets your attention. She’s panting as she calls out for you over and over again.

“Shh it’s ok sweet Angel, mama’s right here.” You sat up and brought your knees up to lay her back as you tried to sooth her.

“Bubba, bubba.”

“I’m right here Lottie. You’re ok, you’re safe.”

“Mama?” Henry’s sleepy voice breaks your focus for just a moment as you look at him. Alpine curled up in his back as she slept. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know honey, maybe she’s having a vision.”

“Mama.” Charlotte cried this time and then her eyes shifted to look straight at you. It felt more like she was seeing through you.

“Hey baby, you’re ok. What did you see? Can you tell me?”

“Mama.” She said with a hiccup. Her hands were on your temple and she put her foreheads to yours.

****

The morning light peaks through the curtains as Lottie opens her eyes slowly. With a yawn and stretch she sat up and admired her Barbie pajamas. There’s a teddy bear snug in her arm and she’s sitting in a pile of pillows. When she looks to the side she finds Henry sleeping with Alpine snuggled up on his back. When Lottie looks towards the kitchen she sees you moving around. As best she can, Lottie stands with the intention of making her way to you.

“Warning. Incoming projectile. Warning. incoming projectile.” Friday announced.

Metal blinds start to lower over the windows and Lottie whimpers, scared of what’s going on.

“Henry, Charlotte.” She heard you calling them and running toward the living room.

You barely make it to them and throw yourself over their smaller frames when a blast rings throughout the room.

****

There was ringing in Lottie’s ears as she began to regain consciousness. There’s rubble and smoke and small fires springing up in the living room. Through crying and coughing Lottie sits up. Your arm is thrown over her but your eyes are closed.

“Mama?” Lottie calls you but you don’t stir.

She pulls herself from your grip and she winces when she gets up. Her once pink pajamas are now crimson. When she lifts up her top there’s an ugly gash on her belly.

“Mama no seeping.” She shakes you but still no response. “Bubba?”

Lottie looks over at her brother and begins to cry. He lays next to you, lifeless. His eyes opened and glazed over with blood around his mouth and nose. There was a bang at the door and then another.

“Mama, Mama.” Lottie shook you, crying as she called out your name.

A group of men all dressed in black, a red skull with tentacles emblazoned on their uniforms barge in. One of the men grabs Charlotte. She tries to wiggle, punch and kick her way out of their hold but to no avail, she's carried out while she cries and tries to reach for you in hopes that you will save her.

You gasp as you pull away from Lottie’s hold. Her bottom lip trembles as she looks at you.

“Oh my sweet Angel it’s ok. I’m going to keep you safe. I’ll do anything to keep you safe.” You pull her into your chest and rub her back until she calms down.

“What happened mama?”

“She just saw something bad. But now I know what it is and we can make it better.” You kiss the top of Lottie’s head and then pull Henry to your side. “I need your help sweet boy. I need you to go and change out of your pjs and into outside clothes and shoes.”

��Ok Mama.”

Henry gets up and runs to his room while you get up and go to Lottie’s. She clings to you and you have to reassure her that nothing is going to happen. After finally getting her dressed you change into something more suitable.

“Let’s go Henry.” You call out from the door, he runs to meet you with Alpine in his arms. You smile at him and let him walk out first before looking at your apartment for what may be the last time.

“Mama.”

“Yes sweet Angel?”

“Bad men coming. Want dada.” Her usually bright and happy eyes are now full of concern and fear and it kills you.

“Yes they are, but mama is going to keep you safe until daddy gets back.”

“Hill.” You call out as you burst through the command room doors with Henry and Charlotte following close behind.

“Y/L/N, now is not a good time.”

“You can’t get a hold of them can you?”

Hill looks from one of the monitors to you with a furrowed brow. She nods towards an empty office and you follow her in with the kids.

“How did you know?”

“This is what happened on my first mission after we found Charlotte, remember?”

“They’re flying into a trap.” She says.

“Not necessarily a trap but a distraction.”

“What do you mean?” She crosses her arms over her chest.

You explain everything you saw in Lottie’s vision, giving as much detail as possible. Some parts make Lottie upset again but you have to get them out anyway. It’s not just yours and the kid’s lives that are at stake, Tony doubled the agents while they left for your protection but if Hydra was able to get in quickly that means they had the firepower to get through anyone.

“And they’re after the kids?”

“It seemed like it.”

“We have to do something.” Hill sighs. “We can’t just evacuate, they could have eyes on us right now, but you have to leave.”

“I have a way to get out.”

“But where will you go?”

“The tower. Tony reinforced it after Loki’s attack on New York and Hydra won’t think we’d go there.”

“We tell no one, the less people know the better your chances of getting out safely.”

“And the team?” You ask, since the vision you haven’t been able to stop thinking about Bucky. When he gets back he’ll think the worst and it’ll kill you to not be able to let him know right away that you and the kids are ok.

“I’ll let Bucky know of the plan and have him meet you there.” Maria gives you a reassuring smile. “As for the rest of us, we'll prepare to give Hydra a fight when they walk through those doors. That should distract them enough so that you can get away.”

“Thank you Maria.”

For the next hour you and Maria make a plan to fight back and an exit strategy. If anything goes wrong from the compound to the tower you are going to need someone to know more or less your backup plan.

“Stay safe, I’ll see you soon.”

With a nod you leave and take the kids with you. You head back to your apartment to grab some last minute things. Their teddy bears and favorite blankets, things that will give them comfort and then you head straight for Bucky’s personal garage. Tony had set it up after you gave him the motorcycle for father’s day. Bucky happens to keep another car in there. One he prepared for something like this. It held supplies for the four of you, and Alpine. It was fitted with weapons and bullet proof everything but no tracking system that anyone could hack. Bucky had started working on it shortly after finding Henry. He always told you Hydra wouldn’t give them up so easily.

****

The kids were buckled in and Charlotte had finally fallen asleep. Henry sat quietly next to her, holding her hand for comfort. You sat in the driver's seat, completely alert of your surroundings. The car was parked in the woods of the compound. Close enough to see the main building but still hidden from prying eyes. There were agents going on with their early morning routine but considering they were armed to the teeth you knew Maria had gone through with an emergency briefing.

As soon as the first rays of sun peeked over the horizon you turned the car on and started to drive off. It wasn’t until you got to a private, lesser known entry point that you heard it.

The explosion.

You’re still not sure how Charlotte managed to show you her vision but the thought of you not being able to protect them brought tears to your eyes. Soon enough in the distance there was gunfire and more explosions and you picked up speed to get as far away as you could. It was easy to leave the compound with the fight going on.

You don’t look back, your focus is to get to the tower.

****

You had just gotten into the city. Hopefully you'll be able to get to the tower soon and it would be easier to keep track of what was going on at the compound from there. You could also keep an eye out for the team from the tower. During the drive down you kept a police scanner going so that you could be aware of any accidents or closed roads so that you could change directions easier.

What you heard was much worse.

There was an amber Alert out for the kids and your description as the kidnapper along with a description of the car you were in. Police were advised to use any force necessary to bring you down. Of course Hydra would still have some people within police departments to use at their will.

“Fuck.”

“Mama what’s wrong?” Henry asked from behind you.

“We can’t go to the tower baby.”

“Where are we gonna go then?”

“To see the only person I can trust right now.” You look at him through the rear view mirror.

As soon as you can you get back on the highway and head up north. It’s risky to be on the highway but you’d rather the highway where there are witnesses than a backroad where there would be no one and hydra could definitely get you there.

“Mama.”

“Yeah sweet boy?”

“There are cars following us.” Henry says. “They have been for a few minutes now.”

“Are you sure?” You look at your side and rear view mirrors to get a look at the cars.

“Yeah, they’ve changed lanes when you have and they change their speed when you do.”

“Fuck.” You hit the steering wheel. The last thing you need is a gunfight on a highway.

You decide to lose them and swerve among the cars until there is enough distance between you and them. Through the traffic you manage to get some distance and you don’t stop until you come to a traffic jam. Your heart is beating out of your chest as you have to slow down. The police scanner goes off talking about a small accident. You flick your wrist and make a way for your own car.

You’re creating more distance and you’re past the accident. Cars are clearing out of your way as you speed down the highway when a car comes speeding up behind you. You take a deep breath and prepare to make a move at the right moment. With another flick of your wrist you manage to make the other car flip. Unfortunately you now have about four SUVs on your tail again and a crying Lottie who woke up from the noise.

Henry grabs the gun from your bag sitting on the passenger’s side and then the suppressor. He puts them together and checks for bullets.

“Henry, give me that. It’s not a toy.”

“I know it’s not a toy mama. I can help.” He says and then he disappears.

His window rolls down. With one arm wrapped around his seatbelt Henry leans out of the window.

“Henry, get back in your seat, please baby.” You call out but you can’t do much other than weave through traffic and try to stay steady.

A shot goes off and out of the side mirror you see one of the SUVs swerve off course and hit a barrier. With three more quick shots Henry has effectively stopped Hydra from pursuing you, for now at least.

“Are you ok sweet Angel?” You ask as you hug Charlotte.

“Am scared. Want dada.”

“I know sweet Angel, me too.” You smooth out her hair.

Her now thick and healthy and shiny black hair that fell just to her shoulders. It grew quickly but that’s what the serum’s doing. She had grown so much in the very few short months since you’d found her. Lottie looked like a whole different child. So did Henry. They had both gained a healthy amount of weight, their cheeks were rosy, they smiled easily, and they knew what love was. Now all of that was in danger and you felt helpless in all of it by not having Bucky at your side. He would know what to do and where to go.

“It’s ok baby we’re safe with mama.” Henry said from his seat next to you.

You had the SUV parked in a wooded area away from street views and roads. The kids needed a break and so did you. Besides, you were already where you needed to be, you were in your hometown.

“Where are we going after this?”

“We are going to meet up with your dad.”

“An Steebie?”

“Yes and Steebie.” You tell Charlotte and smile.

You glance at the clock on the car radio and sigh.

“Ok guys, stay here and Henry, keep yourself and Charlotte invisible until I get back. Can you do that?”

He nods. You lean forward and kiss his forehead and then Lottie’s. She moves to sit with her brother. Henry holds her hand and then they’re gone from your sight.

You run to where you need to be and make it to the edge of the forest easily. There at the edge you stand behind a tree and watch. A few cars pass by the small road but your eyes are on the building across the street. When you see who you’re waiting for you step out so that you can be seen.

“Y/N, what the hell are you doing here?” Your dad asks as soon as he gets to you. It didn’t take him long to spot you and he ran over.

“Dad.” You sob as he hugs you, pulling you away from the street.

“What’s wrong?”

“I need your help.”

“What is it? Was it Bucky? Did he hurt you? Because I’ll kill him if he did.” He says as he pulls away from you.

“No dad, he’s on a mission. It’s hydra.”

“The people that hurt him and the kids?”

You nod. “Come on.” You lead him back to the SUV and explain everything on the walk back.

“What do you need me to do?”

“I need you to take the kids back to the city, to the Avenger’s tower specifically.”

“What about you?”

“Hydra thinks I have the kids so I’ll let them believe that. I’ll lead them as far away as possible to give you a chance to get to the tower. Maria Hill will be there and hopefully so will the team. The kids will be safer there.”

“And then what?” Your dad asks but you can see that he already knows the answer.

“You send the team to come get me but not Bucky. The kids are going to need him and you tell him I said that.” You say as you get to the car. The door opens and the kids jump out.

“Gwandpa.”

“Grandpa.”

Eddie gets on one knee and hugs the kids. You take a deep breath to try and calm yourself before you cry in front of the kids.

“Will you do this for me?”

“Of course I will kitten. Are you sure you can’t just come with us?”

“It’ll be safer for them if I lead the men following us away.”

“Ok. I have some old military buddies that will drive down with me for extra protection. We’ll get them there.” Eddie pulls you in for another hug.

The realization hits you. This might be the last time you ever see him again so you hug him tighter. When you pull back you see tears in his eyes and you give him a sad smile before turning to go back to the SUV. You grab the kids’ backpacks and Alpine and you give them to your dad.

“I’ll give you a minute.”

You kneel in front of the kids. First you bring Charlotte in for a hug. You kiss her temple and hum a lullaby to calm her down from the small sobs that are starting to escape her.

“Mama, bad man take you.” She declares with tears in her eyes.

“It’s ok. I love you so much baby. You are so smart and good, sweet, funny. You’re always going to be my sweet Angel.”

“I lobe you mama.” Charlotte says before kissing your cheek. “Best mama.”

“Go with grandpa and be good, ok.”

You watch as Charlotte runs to your dad and hugs him. Then you turn your attention to Henry.

“C’mere.” You stretch out your hand for him to take but Henry throws himself against you, his arms wrapped around your neck and he cries. “It’s ok baby. Everything will be just fine.”

“I can go with you. I can keep you safe mama.”

“I’ll be just fine.”

“You can’t go, you can’t leave us.” Henry cries harder.

“I’m not leaving you.”

“But baby said the bad men take you. They’re going to hurt you if they do.”

“I know but I can change that now that I know what’s supposed to happen. Listen to me.” You pull away and hold him by his shoulders before cupping his face and wiping tears away. “I need you to go with grandpa and Lottie ok. I need you to keep them safe, you have to keep your baby safe. Can you do that for me?”

“Yes.”

“Good. I love you so much my sweet boy. I know this is scary but we’ll see each other soon and this will all just be a nightmare.” You kiss his cheek. “My sweet, brave, kind boy. Tell your dad that this wasn’t his fault ok? Whenever you see him sad.”

“Ok.”

“Go with your grandpa and keep Charlotte safe ok.”

He nods again. With his head down Henry walks towards Eddie. He puts on his backpack and takes Alpine in one hand while holding Lottie’s in the other. He fades in and out as they walk away from you.

Then you turn and get in the car. You already know your fate, hydra takes you. But you’re willing to give yourself up if it means that Henry and Charlotte never have to face them again.

You’re pulled by your hair out of a tub of ice cold water. It feels like thousands of needles are pricking your skin. You try to take a breath and take a moment to look at your surroundings but you can’t. A few seconds later you’re dunked into water again. Your hands are tied behind your back and you have a few broken ribs as well as cuts, scrapes, maybe even a concussion and a dislocated shoulder. In addition to all of that they must have given you some type of sedative because it’s very hard to stay awake and stay focused. Hydra had caught up to you and they managed to get some type of explosive under the car. It was the only way they were able to get the upper hand. As long as the kids and your father got to the tower safely you didn’t care, you just hoped that Bucky wouldn’t blame himself.

You get pulled out of the water again and this time you’re dragged somewhere else. They force you onto your knees as you cough up water. Finally you can actually breathe. There are footsteps that stop right in front of you but you couldn’t care less as to who it is. Hydra is all scum and they’ll all die once Bucky and the team find you. Sharp nails dig into your cheeks as the person before you grabs your face and moves your head so that you’ll look at them.

“I had lost all hope that I could turn you into what you were meant to be.”

You stare incredulously up at your captor. Disbelief and anger surge through you but you only manage to say one thing.

“Mom?”

Ch 29

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glubsurleseuil · 5 months

Text

Don't be scared - Chapter 2

A Pennywise X F!Reader fanfic. First - Next

Chapter warnings: Violence, blood, discreet mention of a desire to die. It's just the beginning, it's about to get worse.

(Note: It was translated by Deepl, English is not my mother tongue, so I apologise for any mistakes. If you want to correct me, don't hesitate!)

(Note 2: I found the gif at @pennydaddywise)

(Note 3: The "lyrics" of the song are actually quotes from Mr Stephen King.)

It was a difficult night. First, when you arrived home, your body's first reflex was to throw up in the toilet. Then your brain's reflex was to search your apartment from top to bottom to make sure no one was home. Then, finally, you curled up in a ball on your bed, scared out of your wits, unable to sleep. Every minute, you checked your phone, not wanting to believe that the clown's damn message had disappeared. You'd searched your whole phone but couldn't find it. And you hated for most of the night the incredible capacity of the human survival instinct to try and make you believe that all these strange and terrifying events never really happened. Finally, you fell asleep convinced that no, you're not crazy.

Of course, like every night for some time, you had a dream. But not the same one this time. This one was just as hazy and incomprehensible, but less terrifying, and you woke up more peacefully. It made you remember the clown's message: Don't be scared... You laughed nervously, shivers running through your body just thinking about your adventure the day before.

The day had gone by too fast for your liking, and you'd been unable to concentrate on anything, that damn clown haunting your mind at every turn. Then it was finally time for work.

It was a quiet evening, without too many customers. These evenings are often pleasant to spend, but this evening in particular, you could take advantage of it and go home early. The very idea of not seeing the sun when you leave the bar terrifies you.

"Are you sure? There's no one on stage tonight. You can sing if you want."

Your boss suggests you go on stage when there's no one there. You love these moments. Singing and playing on stage is the only time you feel your life isn't miserable. But singing tonight means coming home later, when it's dark... Fuck.

You can't refuse. These moments are too rare. You get up on stage and take advantage of this moment to forget everything, your rotten life, the sadness, the anguish... The clown...

Monsters are real, And ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.

Your voice trembles slightly and you close your eyes to concentrate.

God is cruel. Sometimes he makes you live. The devil's voice is sweet to hear.

At the end of your song, the few remaining customers applaud. You hate that noise. It reminds you of harsh reality.

Finally, the bar closes and you leave through the back door. The cool silence of the night reminds you of the horrors of life and you look down the dark, empty alley. The lights are still malfunctioning, and there's a large section of the alleyway plunged into darkness. Obviously...

You reassure yourself that you don't have to go into the forest this time. Phone in hand, you make your way down the alley, lighting every nook and cranny, and you're soon relieved to see that there's nothing and no one there.

You move forward, a little more reassured, towards the exit, towards the light. And as you put your phone back in your bag, something touches your back. It's light and it bounces against you. You turn around slowly, cautiously, holding your breath...

A balloon? A balloon. Red, floating in the middle of the path, alone. The first thing it brings to mind is your dream from last night. Yes, there was a red balloon in it, which you grabbed and flew high into the sky...

Looking at it more closely, you see a piece of paper hanging from its string, wriggling like a hanged man. You untie it and unfold it. On it, in ink as red as blood, a message.

DON'T BE SCARED

You swallow your saliva as thick as sand and your whole body shakes with tremors, preparing to run. But as you turn to leave the alley, two gloved hands grab you, one by the nape of the neck, pulling your hair as you go, the other by the mouth, pressing down hard enough that you can't scream. And you find yourself facing those predatory golden eyes, one of whose pupils squints outwards. A multitude of gleaming, pointed teeth, dripping with slime, smiles at you, just inches from your face.

Faced with such an apparition, your first instinct is to punch the face you recognize as the clown's, but you instantly regret it. True, the grip of his hands has loosened, but you note with horror that his features have deformed where you struck him, his uneven teeth protruding from his mouth in an excruciatingly inhuman way. Blood is dripping from his lip... floating upwards would be more accurate.

You push him back hard and turn to flee, knowing full well it's no use. He grabs you by the arm and pushes you violently back against the alley wall. You grit your teeth as you feel your back and the back of your skull crash against the hard surface. With one hand, he grips your neck and lifts you to his full height. No matter how hard you pull on his arm, you're unable to free yourself and breathing becomes difficult. The clown brings his face close to yours like an enraged predator.

"I said... don't be scared!!!"

He finishes his sentence by slamming you back against the wall. You close your eyes in pain, your head begins to spin and you no longer feel strong enough to push him away. All you can do is watch him rage at you, hoping it's just another nightmare.

"You don't want to live, I know it! Then why are you afraid? Stupid, ridiculous humans... This fear... So beautiful, so appetizing. How am I supposed to resist this?!"

The clown hits you once more, more brutally. This is too much. As your arms fall unconscious to your sides, you faint under his fingers and everything goes black. The last thing you hear is the clown swearing to himself.

When you open your eyes, you're unable to understand where you are. An old-fashioned smell of mildew assails your nostrils and you see dust flying in the dim light of the room. You realize you're lying on something soft, covered. Probably a mattress on the floor. Soon, the pain in the back of your skull reawakens. You run your hand through your hair to find dried blood tangled in your locks.

You sit up abruptly, the events before you fainted coming back to you in an unbearable headache, and a question forces you to hold your breath. What else has this clown... this thing... done to you? Trembling, your hand raises the old grey blanket over your legs and you begin to inspect yourself... Nothing. At first glance, anyway. Everything suggests that he's just put you down there, nothing more. You breathe again.

Your gaze finally settles around you: you find yourself in an empty room, apart from the mattress you're lying on. The light is diffused, so unnatural that you want to define it as dark, even if that doesn't make sense. The windows are so dirty that you can't tell if it's still night. You have no idea what time it is or how long it's been since the clown attack.

You suddenly see your shoes tossed haphazardly around the room, as well as your bag. That's all it takes for you to rush out of the mattress and rummage through it, your phone being your goal. But you panic when you realize it's buggy. It doesn't look particularly broken though, it simply refuses to work, the screen displaying bizarre glitches and... The message the clown marked last time, in the forest. You throw your phone to the ground in anguished annoyance.

Close your eyes. Inhale. exhale. You've got to get out of here. A hint of determination returning, you pick up your phone, your bag and put on your shoes. Passing as quietly as possible through the first doors you come to, you arrive in a corridor with a staircase leading down a few meters from you. You descend carefully, the steps creaking beneath your feet. But there's no sign of the clown, and the door opposite the steps seems to be the entrance door. You suddenly have the foolish hope of getting out of here without any trouble.

You approach slowly, your hand sliding noiselessly over the handle of the closed door. You turn it slowly... but nothing happens. You pull, you push, quietly at first, then louder and louder, suddenly panic-stricken. But nothing happens. The door doesn't move. It doesn't move at all. As if it were an optical illusion painted on the wall. A groan of despair escapes and you hold back your tears. Inhale. Exhale. All is not lost, there are always the windows.

They're as dirty and dimly lit as those upstairs, plunging the house into an atmosphere of eternal twilight. Some are boarded up, but not all. In a room that looks like a living room, you work hard on one of them, but get the same result as with the door. In a fit of anger, you end up banging on what's supposed to be the glass, even throwing a stool lying around, in vain.

A few seconds pass before a cry of rage comes from your mouth. And you knew that all the noise you'd made would attract the clown. A weak but piercing laugh pushes you to turn towards the entrance to the room. There he is, leaning against the wall, mocking you without the slightest hint of embarrassment.

"Silly, silly little human. Thinking you can escape from my house. So stupid, so angry..."

He pauses, and you can see his mocking smile break down, giving way to annoyance, his features turning stern.

"...So scared... again..."

You step back as he moves closer to you. You'd have thought his eyes were blue a second ago... You quickly bend down to grab the stool you threw at the window, tossing it at the clown to distract him and get around him, running towards the living room exit. You already knew it wouldn't work and you're not surprised to feel him propel you to the floor. He barely gives you time to turn around before pinning you down on your back. Your eyes see his face blurred by tears, while you feel warm drool running down your shirt. Above you, the clown shakes frantically, as if arguing with himself about what to do with you.

"Fear... so delicious... Maybe I should... eat you.... No! Or maybe... just a little...?"

He shakes his head like an animal shredding a piece of meat, and the comparison terrifies you.

"No. No! You are..."

His gloved hand caresses your face with a gentleness that makes you sob. Your eyes close tightly, as if that's enough to make you forget everything that's going on.

"...perfect. I need you."

You feel the clown's breath coming closer and your eyes reopen in panic. You can see his lips curling over his sharp teeth, many more of them. Your brain refuses to believe what it's seeing and you start laughing nervously.

"Don't. Be. Scared."

It's an order and he emphasizes it by snapping his teeth together in a jaw-clenching sound that echoes in your head. At this point, he lets go and walks away, leaving you alone on the floor with your migraine, covered in drool. All you hear is the echo of your own delirious laughter, resonating in your eardrums as if it belonged to someone else.

#it 2017 #pennywise #pennywise x reader #pennywise x you #pennywise fanfiction #it #horror #tw: blood #tw: violence #I'm still writting this i'm so happy!!

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seaoflove07 · 3 months

Text

Cravings in the Dawn🌹

• A commission artwork by Lesyarei •

Oc x Canon.

Characters: Azusa Mukami & Christine Melendez. (Rose)

A commission Fan Fiction Written by @afi-writes @afi-mukami

Author Oc @yuriko-mukami

Fandom: Diabolik Lovers.

🔞⚠️⚠️ NSFW, Not for Minors! ⚠️⚠️🔞

Note: I can't bring myself to write my own smut. 😅 So I'm glad there are writers who do steamy commissions.

I did give the dialogue to the writer and the rest she poured her magic with her style.📝 🔥🔪🌹

The pinkish hue spreads through the sky just above the high trees, the first cue of the morning. Christine has been watching the dark sky for a while now, tossing and turning every now and then. Now light dangles into the room, caressing the rosy curtains and bedsheets with its sparkles. No way Christine can fall asleep this morning, not when every nerve in her body tickles. There is this deep yearning rising in her, pulsing through her veins, demanding attention.

The arms locked around Christine aren’t truly helping the situation. Especially not when Azusa nuzzles her locks in his slumber, his scent of fruity black tea with a hint of flowers sailing in as Christine draws breath.

Five days.

For five days without making love to the man who lays next to her. A sigh presses past Christine’s lips. Five days full of work for Karlheinz’s plans. Five days full of chores in the mansion. Five days hitting the bed in the brick of dawn and passing out from exhaustion.

Yet now, Christine is wide awake, feeling how neediness courses through her body. Such a wrong timing.

Azusa lets out a soft mumble while Christine’s gaze embraces him. He has worked so hard, deserving every ounce of rest he can get. Not wanting to disturb him, Christine sneaks from under his arms gradually. Another mumble, an arm tugging a pillow, hugging it instead. An adorable sight.

But adorable isn’t what Christine would need now. Not even the long bath earlier has shaken the throbbing need away. Slightly annoyed by her urges, Christine grabs a silk robe from the backrest of a chair and wraps it around her. Even though the fabric is light, its touch on her skin is enough to send shivers all over. Oh, she would need so much more. Drawing a breath, she pushes the longing aside and heads for the kitchen. Perhaps a glass of water can cool her down.

But this isn’t a lucky morning for Christine. Of course, the water couldn’t help her. Heading back, yet another sigh vibrates through Christine. She reaches for the doorknob, but it escapes her fingers just when she’s about to grab it. Lifting her gaze, she meets the eyes that bore through her full of worry and anxiousness.

A second passes, perhaps two. Cold fingers grip around Christine’s wrist, and Azusa hauls her into the room, slamming the door shut.

“Azu, what’s the matter?” The question jumps off Christine’s lips.

“When I woke up…” Darkness slithers into Azusa’s eyes and he only firms his hold. “...you weren’t there near me in the bed… Or rather… you weren’t around… in the room at all... I feared that you might… have abandoned me...and had left me... Just thinking about it… It got me feeling… very sad… and incredibly scared...”

“Azu…” Slowly, Christine pulls her wrist from Azusa’s fingers only to lean in and cup his icy cheeks. “I will never leave you because I love you.”

But Azusa’s gaze is like the one of a hurt animal. “Then why… did you leave the room… without telling me…!?” His usually sluggish tone of voice pitches higher.

Christine shifts in front of him. “You were still sleeping, and I didn't want to wake you up.” She allows a tiny sigh to leave her mouth again. “I couldn't sleep. So… I went to the kitchen to drink a glass of water.”

“Really…?” Confusion wafts over Azusa’s face. Yet it is soon twisted into suspiciousness. “Or you might be using that… as an excuse for me… to lower my guard...then use that opportunity… to run away and leave me…”

“Azusa stop!” Christine frowns, staring at her love. “You need to learn to trust me. I haven't given you any reason to think that I'll leave you for someone else.” So frustrating! Always this! Always! Why can’t Azusa see how much she loves him? Why can’t he trust that she will stay? Stomping her feet on the carpet, Christine gives the man a final glare. “I'm done talking to you, I'm going to bed now.”

“Wait!” Azusa’s voice is almost insinuating with desperation.

But Christine doesn’t mind. She has gotten enough of this. Turning her back, she refuses to answer. The bed is calling for her.

The next step is never taken.

“Don't you turn your back on me…! I’m not done talking to you yet...!” Azusa seizes Christine’s shoulders, his fingertips digging into her skin as he turns her around so fast, that her head is spinning for a moment. But only for a moment, for the reliant lips capture hers.

“Azusa, no…” Christine shoves Azusa’s chest, breaking the smooch and forcing a whine out of the Vampire. “I want you to trust me…”

For a while, nothing is being said. The couple stares at each other and the silence is thick between them.

Azusa shifts as if he is feeling physically uncomfortable. “It’s hard, Rose… especially when I know… that other men want you…”

His anxiety is kicking in, isn’t it? Christine locks her gaze with Azusa’s while she lets her robe slide off her shoulders and onto the floor. Lifting her hands, she tugs the straps of her nightgown until they run down her upper arms. With a sway of her hips, she allows the piece of garment to drop and pile around her ankles.

“Azu…” Without a hurry, Christine steps out of the nightgown and brings her hands on her curves. There is fire in her loins and desire in her belly. “...you have had my body many times. But…” She slithers her fingers under the waist of her lace pink thong. “...I want you to know.” She draws the lingerie down little by little revealing everything as the ache between her thighs grows more and more insistent. “I'm still yours. My heart and body will always be yours.”

As Azusa’s eyes caress her with lusting, invisible fingers, Christine steps closer. He is all she wants; all she can think of. “My body craves you… Azu…” She sinks into his eyes, and the wet heat flares in her. Lust burns in her brain and she can concentrate on nothing else. “Please… make love to me…”

Azusa swallows. “Rose…”

For a tiny while Azusa’s eyes settle on Christine’s breasts. Just a moment later, he lifts his hand and starts to unbutton his shirt. One by one, the fastenings drop open, baring his chest to Christine’s waiting gaze. He drops the piece of clothing on the floor, and with a swift movement, he scoops her up and carries her through the room, tossing her on the bed so hastily that her head sinks into the pillow. She doesn’t even have time to dampen her lips with her tongue before he is over her, showering kisses on her.

The smooches take over Christine’s senses as she sinks into bliss along with them. Trembles course through her as Azusa takes her lips with his own. So all-consuming. It’s impossible to resist the pull of passion that draws them both in. The kiss is hard, then soft and hard again, coming like waves to the shore, making her blood pulse in her veins with a scarlet web of desire.

Finally, Azusa breaks the kiss and tugs Christine’s bottom lip, scraping it with his peeking fangs. A metallic inkling of a taste wafts onto her tongue, a cue of her own blood. Azusa’s mouth moves down to Christine’s slender throat, his teeth finding the column of her neck and piercing it. The white pain strikes her mind, and she can’t hold back a whine that pushes past her lips.

“Sing more… for me, Rose…” Azusa traces Christine’s side while he focuses on sucking her blood. Releasing a moan, he licks over the bite mark and fishes the last drops of the delicious liquid of life before moving down.

When Azusa’s breath breezes over Christine’s skin, her nipples perk up from the mere thought of what is to come. A cry escapes her when his fangs thrust into the ample flesh of her mound. Drawing blood once more, Azusa caresses her other breast and toys with its hardened peak, gliding his thumb over the nub. Combined with the bite, the sensation hauls Christine into a mixture of sweet pain and luscious pleasure.

As if asking forgiveness, Azusa kisses the reddish bite, tracing the mound until he reaches the stout bud. Flicking over it, he forces a whine out of Christine. Grazing with his fangs, he sucks the nub into his mouth and whirls his tongue around it. Shivers run down Christine’s spine, and she squirms under her lover, wailing.

Releasing the bud, Azusa captures the other and gives it the same treatment. More laments of lust escape to the air while yearning ignites deep within Christine.

“Your voice… spurs me on…” Azusa breathes against the nipple. “Rose… let me hear… more…” He inches closer, sinking his fangs into the soft flesh of Christine’s breast. Squealing, she laces her fingers with his hair, presses his head closer, and arches her back to meet his lips and fangs again and again.

And that is only the start of their tingling tango of delight and desperation. Azusa’s fangs find all the sensitive spots of Christine’s, for he knows them well. The mouthwatering scrunch of her upper arm, the cushiony of her waist and belly, the bounciness of her thigh. With each bite, comes a mark of ownership, a sign of love and dedication like no other, painted with pain like proof of life. The perfection the couple only shares with one another and no one else, raw need meeting pure desire.

Heat uncurls in Christine’s abdomen, the urgent need that demands more. She thrills at the thought of Azusa moving inside her.

“Azu…” A quivering whisper. Christine craves more, her body flaring with fervor and mind hazing with urge old as time. This man, this love is all she needs. Meandering under him, she calls him to take what belongs rightfully to him, teases him with the promise of delight.

“Rose… your scent…” Azusa showers Christine’s stomach with thousands of smooches. “...it is… like a garden… My own… rose garden…”

Releasing his grasp, Azusa shoves his pajama pants down along with his underwear as if a cue that Christine’s carnal desire will no longer be denied. He kicks the clothes off the edge of the bed. “You are mine, Rose… I will not hand you over… to anyone…”

Azusa seizes Christine by her waist and flips her over. Her cheek meets the pillow, sinking into it as she wheezes. Just a moment later, Azusa’s fingers entangle with her hair while he buries his nose in it and breathes her in. As he kisses down her nape, his breath is ragged in her ears. He traces her skin, enlacing his fingers with her hair and tugging gently while keeping his other hand on her shoulder blade and scraping her neck.

The soft pecks of his lips on her spine are ever-so-gently. Yet, the possessive desperation lingers between the couple and paints every touch, every lungful of air.

Nuzzling Christine’s spine, Azusa presses another series of smooches on it and inhales deeply. “Your scent… Rose… It’s intoxicating…”

Christine loves to hear Azusa’s sweet words. He clenches his hand in her hair, his digits delving into it for a while before he slides his fingers down her back, cherishing every inch of her skin.

Soft moans of satisfaction sail out of Christine as Azusa holds her waist and caresses the small of her back with his mouth. She can’t help but sway her bottom for him, and he answers the cue, hauling is closer and covering the buttocks with kisses as well while palming the squeezy flesh over and over again.

The fangs puncture Christine’s buttock, forcing a lament out of her. Azusa can’t resist suckling even more of her sweet liquid of life. Her palm meets the headboard of the bed, fingers scratching it as Azusa moves south while his hand reaches the apex of her thighs; the tip of his finger dips in followed by a moist draining sound.

“Rose, you are… so wet… for me…” Azusa’s words vibrate against Christine’s skin just before his tongue glides to the valley between her thighs, savoring the sweet cavern. At the same time, he lets his digit sneak past her pearly gates, sinking in and retreating again. He works his fingers into her once more, igniting her. Her body vibrates in response, and she bites back a whimper.

Azusa’s swirling fingers spread Christine wide, spreading her wetness all over her rosy petals. Curling his digits, he provokes more muffled moans out of her, inflaming her veins with gratification. Kissing and licking, Azusa traces Christine’s swollen folds. She opens for him like a flower as he inches his fingers out only to slash his tongue inside, working her entrance, driving her wild. The sensation locks her in the prison of desires, moistness spreading on her thighs with each delicate flick while his digits reach her already throbbing nub of pleasures.

Christine’s breath comes in soft pants as Azusa’s fingers keep stroking her, sending her into shivers of ecstasy. Her clit cries out for him, her back arches and her fingers clench the blanket as if it is the only thing that keeps her in this realm while he drinks deep from her candied well of bliss. Again and again, bold swipes of his tongue send her spinning in the whirlpool of sacred sensations.

“You taste… so good, Rose…” Kissing her entrance, Azusa slides his tongue toward Christine’s buttocks, snaking its way between them and forcing yet another whimper past her lips. She tenses for the unfamiliar sensation as Azusa tests the new waters, a soggy lick probing the opening he hasn’t conquered yet.

Shivering, Christine squeezes the blanket. What is this? But the protest dies on her lips as Azusa keeps going, kissing and lapping with relish. Small drifts turn into tidal waves of delight, taking Christine beyond reason. Whimpering, she surrenders while Azusa’s tongue wins over her confusion and his thumb dances over her pulsing pearl.

“Every part of… you is mine…” The whisper vibrates against Christine’s buttock, and right after the wet tip of Azusa’s tongue gives her another thrill of rapture.

• Full Uncensored Artwork, Here •

Wailing, Christine grasps the blanket under her and instinctively tugs it into her mouth, stifling her voice. If anything, that drives Azusa further, and his tongue starts to tantalize and tease her whilst his stroking and petting on her glossy bud never stops. She writhes against his hand and the tongue that slips in, tormenting her ever-so-sweetly.

Almost losing herself to the pleasure, Christine shifts her hips adapting to Azusa’s moves. Rapture shoots through her at his touch and tortured moans squeeze from her mouth. If this doesn’t stop soon, she will come apart right here and now. Her moans break through, echoing through the room… and just then, Azusa’s fingers withdraw, and his tongue leaves a wet trail on her bottom.

“No! Azu, please! Don’t stop!” Christine’s cries of yearning cut the air.

“We should… cum together, Rose.”

As Christine wails and heaves, Azusa collects her into his arms, supporting her against his chest. She can’t help the trembles that dash through her muscles from both exhaustion and eagerness.

Nuzzling Christine’s nape, Azusa nibbles it with the peaks of his fangs only. His mouth tells her without words how loved she is. He grabs her chin, gently tilting her head to captivate her lips and lock her into a prison of smooches. The earth-shattering kisses sail into Christine’s heart, for they are not only because of lust but adornment as well. Like Cupid’s arrow into her chest, Azusa’s lips speak a language of their own in a long and leisurely manner.

I love you.

I need you.

I’ll never let go of you.

Spoken words aren’t needed. In silence, they flow from one another as an endless stream that binds them together.

While they kiss open-mouthed, Azusa grinds his erection against Christine’s backside. It slides across her folds, and she can feel how ready he is to take her, to show her to whom she belongs. Nudging her dampened petals, he briefly pauses at her pearly gates, then pushes them wide and shoves his length into her core. Heat meets coldness, creating an inferno spiced with an ice storm.

Azusa sighs with satisfaction as his hardness fills Christine, stripping away everything but her need for him. He places one hand on Christine’s hip, holding her there as he hits the deepest parts of her. For a moment, he breaks the kiss and bites her lower lip, drawing a drip of blood. The wound is sealed fast but the swollen sensation doesn’t leave Christine while the couple sinks into the dance of smooches and bounces. Her body molds against his, as she enjoys the coldness of his skin and the roughness of his thrusts.

“Rose…” Azusa’s breath whispers over Christine’s lips. He ravishes her body while kissing her over and over, pushing all else from her mind. His kiss is full of possessiveness, greedy for even more.

Christine groans into Azusa’s mouth while he claims hers again and again, his lips crushing against hers. They gasp, moan, and writhe while the sun rises above the trees and paints the room with a golden hue of rosy pink. To kiss Azusa like this forever would not be long enough.

• Full Uncensored Artwork, Here •

Christine cherishes the feel of his tongue rubbing hers and can’t help but suck it, enjoying the suction. He’s in her, filling her completely. Not just her body but her mind and soul as well.

Azusa’s hands are cool but demand more and more from Christine. Her breasts bounce with each thrust and the golden cross along with them, hitting her chest every time. He cups her mound, squeezing and caressing it. Gently at first, then rougher. His thumb rasps against her hardened nipple, and soon, he can’t resist the urge to roll and pinch the aching bud, forcing out wailing moans from Christine but only to muffle those with his smooches.

They pant in pleasure, lost in heat as they move together as one. Azusa presses harder into her, deeper, filling Christine up with his cock. Her pussy tightens around him as his length pierces her from behind over and over again. As she stretches and melds, clenching him, he releases a hungry moan into her mouth. His harsh, rough strokes rock her body while they merge, lips on lips.

“Rose… you are…” Azusa pants onto Christine’s lips. “...mine…”

Trapped between torment and ecstasy, Christine’s inner walls ripple against Azusa. He slows down but only to hasten his pace again. Pounding into her depths, he groans, almost growls into their kisses.

Christine’s whole body is on fire with bliss. Her toes curl and her back arches as the waves come, sizzling through every part of her. Azusa’s steely bouncing sends her toward the edge as he pulses in her, making gratification rocket along her veins. He clasps her hips with both hands, pulling her hard into his final thrust, and at the same moment, a soul-shattering orgasm robs Christine of her senses. Azusa’s jerking shaft gushes into her, and his growls of pleasure mingle with her laments. His body tenses as he pours his load deep into her, unleashing his love and melting in her heat.

As he wraps both arms around Christine, Azusa stays inside, letting her milk him while nuzzling her nape through her sweaty hair. “Rose… I love you… so much…”

- End -

Thank you for reading. 📖 🌹

• Artwork by Alluraalteal •

#diabolik lovers #diabolik lovers fan fiction #diabolik lovers oc #his rose #azusa mukami #azusa & rose #diabolik lovers fandom #mukami brothers #diaboys #diahell #diabolik lovers fanfic #diabolik lovers fan art #christine #diabolik oc #written by afi mukami

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lunajay33 · 2 years

Text

My Beast🐺🪵

Summary: Y/n finds a wolf in the woods but isn’t scared, she finds comfort being around the big wolf and continues to go out to the woods to be with it, until the wolf shows it’s true self

It was the weekend and I thought after the stressful week, I’d decide to go down to La push and relax

I made it to the pretty empty beach and sunk my feet in the sand, I always loved it here, the sound of the waves, the silence away from society, sometimes there would be guys from the reservation but they were always nice when we would interacte

I stayed on the beach for a few hours letting the wind calm me down, then deciding to take a walk through the woods, rarely anyone went out there and most of the time I strayed from the path and wandered around

As I walked through the thick bushes and tall trees I heard a noise, I looked around and saw something in the distance, I followed and once I got closer I realized it was a wolf, I usually would have ran but something about being near this beautiful creature made me wanna stay

It turned around and spotted me, I slowly walked closer and by the look in its eyes it seemed rather calm almost excited

“Hello!” I said smiling

It walked closer and circled me making me laugh in excitement

I placed my hand on it head, gently rubbing its soft fur

“You’re so beautiful, but how on earth did you get this big”

It whined, swaying it’s tail quickly as it laid on the ground, i soon followed

It placed its huge head on my lap and closed its eyes, I could feel it’s strong breathe against my thigh

I brushed my hands through its fur for what felt like forever but in reality it was only an hour, I could stay like this forever

It stood up and walked around me curling its body around me, it’s warmth was so comforting that I ended up falling asleep

When I woke up I felt a push against my stomach, I looked up to see the wolf standing over me, using its snout to wake me up, I sat up realizing it was night time

I stood up feeling sad

“Will I see you again?” I asked knowing I wouldn’t get an answer

But to my surprise it nodded confusing me but exciting me either way

“I’ll be back her again tomorrow, if you understand me please meet me here at the same time” I placed a kiss on its snout and reluctantly started walking away but it followed by my side, all the way until the I got back to the beach then he ran back into the woods

That night I barely got any sleep, all I could think about is how I managed to hang out all day with a huge wolf and leave without a scratch

Once I woke up I raced to get ready, grabbing a quick breakfast and heading back to La Push, the boys were at the beach today, I waved once they noticed me and headed to the woods

I made my way to the same spot as yesterday and the wolf wasn’t there, it was a long shot anyways, to think that the wolf understood me but I sat against a tree, I didn’t want to give up hope just yet

I sat for a while when I saw the wolf running towards me, I stood up and opened my arms as it snuggled it head against mine, I wrapped my arms around it neck and held it close, i still didn’t know if the wolf was a girl or boy but for some reason I had a feeling it might be a boy

“I missed you my pup” I said as I pulled away

It whined and licked my face

“Ahhhh” I laughed wiping my face

It stepped back and leaned down confusing me

“What? Do you want me to get on?”

He nodded and I gently got on, not wanting to pull on his fur, he stood up and ran off shocking me, I leaned down and held around his neck, he was incredibly fast and it felt so freeing

We finally made it to a clearing, noticing a cute house and those boys from the beach were here now, I leaned down and whispered

“Are these your friends?!”

He nodded as I leaned down against him as he laid on the ground letting me hope off but I stayed close, right next to him snuggling into his neck since he was still taller than me

We walked towards the boys noticing they seemed excited

“Hey Seth!” One of them said

“So your name is Seth! It’s nice!” I said and he licked my face again

“Hi everyone! How do you know Seth here?” I asked

“He’s a friend of ours! Part of our pack!” Sam said

I had met them many times but only for small amounts of time

“Wait so…..wait are you guys wolves too or do you just call yourselves a pack for fun?” I asked confused

“It’s true we are all wolves but you must keep this a secret”

“So why even tell me if this is suppose to me kept secret?” I asked

“Seth here will explain everything to you, right Seth?”

“Yup!” I turned to see a boy, a really cute boy standing next to me in only shorts

I didn’t even realize the change

“So you can change into a wolf?” I asked and the look on his face seemed nervous

“Ya it’s in our genes, we turn into wolves to protect people” he said fidgeting with his fingers

“That’s amazing! I wish I could do that, but why show yourself to me?”

“Well as wolves there’s this thing that happens, we can’t control it but we imprint on our soulmates, we are connected to them, to be there to protect, to love, to be a friend, brother, boyfriend what ever the imprint wants and…..I imprinted know you” he said looking at me waiting for my reaction

“So I’m your soulmate?” I said beyond happy, my soulmate is this sweet guy and also a wolf who protect others, I must be the luckiest girl in the world

“Ya you’re my perfect other half”

“Wow this is crazy, I can’t believe I landed the cutest soulmate!” I said

“Hey I’m not cute I’m a man” he whined

“Okay you’re a man, but what does this mean for us then?”

“What ever you want, it’s up to you”

“No I can’t decide everything, this is a part of you too, why don’t we just get to know each other and see how things go!”

“I’d like that a lot!” He smiled and pulled me into a hug, he was still as warm as he was when I first cuddled with him

“I’m proud of you Seth!” Sam said and that’s when I realized the guys were still there but I’m the end I knew that I just became a part of this beautiful and magical family

#seth clearwater #seth clearwater x reader #twilight #paul lahote #jacob black #sam uley #leah clearwater #bella swan #forks #la push

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nokiatelava · 7 months

Text

✿✿My People✿✿

Author’s Note - Hi again! I don’t have much to say I think!! I think this one is gonna be a bit long.. Longgggg.. But I hope you all enjoy the story!

Summary - Today is the day you absolutely dreaded. You’re moving away, and your father is stepping down from Olo’eyktan. Now Awpxey’s parents had made their decision, and you’re all ears waiting for him to tell you.

Warnings - crying, mentions of a knife, mentions of a cut, kissing, actually moving, flashback from getting kidnapped, anxiety, throwing up, small fainting spells, girl having a crush on a girl, comfort

That morning, you woke up feeling heavy. Incredibly heavy.

You sighed as you continued to fake sleep, hoping to catch more of a desired slumber.

“Y/n.” You hear a voice. “Y/n, wake up.” Soon after you feel a hand come down onto your shoulder, shaking you gently.

Scrunching your face you open your eyes, your vision is blurry at first and it scares you.

It reminds you of that night all those weeks ago.

Your breath picks up more as you still could barely see.

You shot up to sit up straight, your arms coming out in front of you to feel around your surroundings.

Your body is slowly becoming more frantic and you’re panicking.

“Hey, hey. I’m right here, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Your arms are pushed down before your head is placed onto someone’s shoulder.

“D-dad?” Your voice is weak as your chest rises and fell quickly.

“I’m right here, it’s me babygirl. It’s okay.”

You closed your eyes as you reveled silently in your father’s arms. His warm hand rubbing your back up and down worked to calm you down.

“Sorry dad.. I just got scared because I couldn’t see..” You whispered embarrassingly.

“Don’t apologize for it Y/n. I know what happened that night was really, really scary.” You nodded against Jake’s shoulder, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath.

After a minute of silence you couldn’t hold it back anymore.

“I don’t wanna leave.” You let out a sob, tears falling onto the crook of your dad’s shoulder.

“I know babygirl, I know. I don’t want to leave either.” Jake’s voice became a bit shaky as he really thought about the situation.

Of course your going to be sad you have to leave. You were born here, raised here, had all of your good and bad moments here.

Because of the Sky People, you are being ripped away from your home, family, and life.

The future you had planned for yourself now is completely ruined.

Those bastards have ruined everything for you.

What they did to you that night has left you traumatized and full of scars.

A scarred state of mind and a scarred body.

You can’t go to bed peacefully at the thought of the terrors that haunt you. You can’t even wake up without a skipping heart from a simple tap on the shoulder.

“What they did to me that night wasn’t right dad.” You shook your head as the tears only fell more.

Jake only nodded, rocking you in his arms as the tears in his eyes started to spill over.

“You’re here now, and I got you. I’m not going anywhere Y/n.” You let out a small smile at your father’s reassuring words.

“I’m gonna be here to protect you always.”

“Thank you dad.” You pulled away from the hug, still smiling. “I love you.”

“I love you more Y/n.”

Jake caught sight of the remaining tears left on your sleeked cheeks, so he brought his hands to cup your face, and gently swiped his fingers under your eyes.

“He’s cleaning your tears for you just like he had done when you were a baby.” Another voice is heard from behind you, you look to see it’s your mom, a small smile on her face as she looked at the scene in front of her.

“You were always falling, scraping your knees.” Neytiri kneeled down next to you, brushing loose strands of your hair behind your ear.

“You always tried to be a little tough guy. Holding your tears and not looking any of us in the face.” Jake laughed as he recounted the many memories.

“I was just embarrassed!” You defended yourself.

“You never complain when you’re in pain Y/n, and that scares us.” You looked at your mother.

“It scares you guys?” You asked quizzically, and Jake nodded quickly. “A lot.”

You huffed as you thought about it. There has been a lot, a lot, of times where you’ve been in pain and have never said anything.

“Sorry guys..” Your ears fold down as you feel a sense of disappointment in yourself, but your parents smile as they hug you.

“Stop apologizing Y/n.” They said in sync.

Next thing you know, other hands and bodies are felt toppling onto your hug.

“Yeah sis, you should cut that out.”

“Lo’ak, I’m gonna be nice to you this once.” You sigh in warning, rolling your eyes.

After making sure you, and everyone else had their stuff.

It was now the time to do the most difficult thing in your life.

The ceremony of your father stepping down from Olo’eyktan was soon, and you couldn’t stomach it.

Your body only felt the need to churn itself more as the sight of Awpxey came into view.

Your shoulders sagged as he got closer to you.

“If you came to tell me bad news, just don’t say anything.” All Awpxey did was hug you.

And you had obviously interpreted that wrong, thinking without asking.

You wiped your eyes as your lip quivered intensely, sniffling like a wild animal.

“I’m gonna miss you so much.” Your voice was faded and broken as you shook in his hug.

“No, no, no, no, no! Y/n, Y/n I’m so sorry I didn’t mean for it to come off like that.” Awpxey moved back and held your face in his hands.

“I’m going with you.”

It was like a heaven in your ears, as if an angel was actively talking to you.

“Really? Y-you are?” You grabbed onto his forearms to keep your balance as what he said made you dizzy.

“Yes Y/n I am, I swear!” You cupped his face, bringing him into a passionate kiss.

You weren’t really thinking much about where you were while you were freely kissing your boyfriend.

You pulled away from the kiss. “Awpxey where are your parents? I-I have to say thank you to them. I have to because they’re letting you come with me and we’re going so far.”

You scratched your head as you moved away, trying to peer into the huge crowd of people who were awaiting the ceremony to start. Trying to spot Itxä and Puo.

“We’ll find them later, okay?” He pulled your hand gently from your head, holding them in both of his hands.

You looked into his eyes, smiling giddily.

“I’m excited..” You whisper, pulling your hand to cover your smile.

“I am too.” Awpxey’s ears twitched as your laugh registered in his head.

“I’m really thankful for your parents you know… For letting you actually come with me.” You swallowed as you looked down.

“You’ve gotten me to open up. A lot. And with something like this, all I need is support.” You started to nervously chew your lip as you thought carefully for your words.

“I don’t have a lot left to give Awpxey..” Your throat started to hurt as it felt like it was closing in on itself.

“If I had to be there by myself, I don’t think I would have talked ever again.” Your voice broke. “I love you a lot Awpxey. And you have done so, so much for me. And I can’t thank you enough.”

Awpxey smiled at your words, reaching his hands up and wiping your tears away. “Don’t cry for me Y/n.. I’m happy I’m going with you. I’m going to be here to support you forever.” You laughed through your tears, nodding while you wiped you eye.

“I’ve cried a lot today already.” You laugh embarrassed. Awpxey laughed, “have you?”

You nodded, “oh yeah. Started right after I woke up.” You shook your head as you wiped your hands on your loincloth.

“Today is a stressful day Y/n, it is not your fault.” You fiddled with your hands awkwardly.

“Can I have a hug Awpxey?” You physically felt like leering the other way because of the question.

Awpxey only grinned. Without a word he wrapped his arms around you, squeezing you close to him.

You returned the gesture back, letting a deep breath go as you tried to mentally prepare yourself for what was to come.

Your father looked on from afar, watching how you and Awpxey interacted.

He doesn’t know exactly how to feel.

He’s happy, happy his first babygirl has found the love from somebody she wants.

He’s angry, angry as he feels like your being taken away from him, angry as he feels like his love wasn’t enough.

He’s sad, sad as he realizes you have finally grown up, you are no longer a baby. No longer crawling around, no longer sucking your thumb, he’s no longer rocking you to sleep.

His fingers twitch as he remembers what it was like picking you up. You were the chubbiest baby out of all your siblings. Lo’ak not to far behind.

In the end, all Jake did was let out a soft, small smile.

He is happy.

Your fingers shook as you had them held tightly to your sides. Watching closely as your father stood in front of the young warrior he was passing his title over to, Tarsem.

Your heart pounded hardly in your chest, the harmonic beat loud in your ears.

You watched as Mo’at spoke, her words going in one ear and out the other.

You couldn’t stand the moment of silence, the moment of silence right before the knife Tarsem held came down to your father’s chest.

The scream Tarsem let out rattled through you. You were so jumpy, too antsy. Your eyes wide open as you looked on in a somewhat fearful way.

Awpxey’s hand came around and fell lightly onto your lower back. “It’s okay Y/n, just breathe tìyawn, breathe.” You let out a breath you had no idea you were holding.

Your father is no longer Olo’eyktan.

Your mother’s head fell as she began to cry. You were quick to wrap yourself around her, holding her head to your shoulder.

Your heart continued to pump harshly in your chest, and Awpxey stood right behind you, his hand rubbing your shoulder warmly.

You tried your hardest to hold your tears, but it was impossible.

When your father stood back up straight, wails were audible from the crowd.

The people were almost just as sad as you. The Olo’eyktan they’ve had for almost two decades now has to step down early.

Their Toruk Makto is leaving. The man who had led them to victory against the Sky People 17 years ago.

When your family approached the crowd, the people split just like the sea. Allowing your family to walk through the middle.

People turned their heads to hide their crying faces, children watched on in sadness as they had to see you leave.

Many cried.

Not only did you babysit, but you also taught a group of children.

They loved you like you were family, and you the same. So to hear their cries for you only broke your heart more.

You had to force yourself to walk forward.

Soon, you were approaching where you all were supposed to meet your ikran.

That was until you seen Itxä and Puo.

Your knees started to feel weak and you didn’t know what to do. When you finally got close enough, you were able to see their happy but saddened faces.

“Thank you so much for letting Awpxey come with us.” You look between the both of them, your hands coming to rest over your heart. “I am forever grateful.”

Itxä smiled at you, pulling you into a hug. “I know our son loves you very much. He wouldn’t have taken no for an answer regardless of what we could have said.” You both laughed, rocking in the hug.

When you separated, you turned to Puo, the small smile you had still on your face.

“Take care of yourself Y/n. Remember to take time for yourself.” You nodded at Puo’s kind words, pulling him into a hug also.

You left to give Awpxey time with his parents. So you walked towards your grandmother, who was busying herself with petting Azraa’s head.

“Grandma.” You called, playing nervously with your shawl. Mo’at turned to look at you quickly, a bitter smile on her face.

“We are leaving soon, I wanted to say goodbye one last time.” Your grandmother only nodded, her throat too dry to force words out.

“Protect yourself over there Y/n. If you need to, always separate yourself if you need time to heal.”

“Here,” she pointed to your chest, insinuating your heart. “And here.” Placing her finger directly in the middle of your forehead.

You wrapped your arms around her, hugging her tightly.

“I’m gonna miss you grandma..” You whisper, biting back the new wave of tears.

“I will miss you too Y/n.” The two of you talked for a little bit before the rest of your family finally re-grouped and Awpxey came along.

You noticed his face was red, and you knew immediately he had to have been crying. But you didn’t say anything out loud, not wanting to put him on the spot.

Though, you did brush a finger over one of his knuckles as you stood together.

Your hands intertwined when your father started speaking.

“The journey to the clan we’re moving to is a long one.” Your dad looked through all of you. “About 5 days.” Your dad sighed.

Tuk let out an exaggerated groan, “why does it have to take so long?” Jake smiled as he responded. “So we can be safe Tuk, we need to be far away from here.” His hand came down to her head, softly running his hand through her braids.

“So we won’t make it there by tomorrow?” Her childish innocence make your heart slow a bit. She still doesn’t even know what is completely going on.

“No, we won’t make it by tomorrow Tuk.” Neytiri laughed as she reached under Tuk’s armpits, picking her up.

“You want to ride with Mama?” She spoke to Tuk kindly as she walked towards her ikran, Tuk’s nods being visible from far away.

“Let’s head out now..” Your dad merely whispered, walking with his head down as he approached his ikran, Bob.

You looked at Awpxey, nodding before exchanging a quick kiss — though it was more peck like.

You all mounted your respective ikran, flying towards the edge of the forest.

When you all were far enough, you turned to see the view.

And oh my Eywa was it beautiful.

You wished you could have enjoyed the beauty under best circumstances. This will probably be the first and last time you ever get to see a beautiful, full view of your home.

You try not to acknowledge that information as you turn around on your Ikran, facing forward ready to try and embrace this change.

The journey was tough.

Some days were hard as your family had to travel through storms. You had never seen the ocean before,and you were shocked to how angry it could get. The waves would hit high, the strikes of sounds that violently percussed off the rocks when the waves hit them punched a sense of fear in your stomach.

At one point while you were flying over a rock, a very, very strong wave reached up, going past Azraa’s stomach — her whole body — which had gotten you both drenched in saltwater, and had also pulled you down towards the relentless, unforgiving sea below.

After that, you had made sure to stay clear of being too close.

On the last day of your flight, you sighed in exhaustion as your butt felt so sore, your head feeling dizzy while your stomach turned.

At least it was sunny outside.

It was early in the day, which was great because it would give the clan you’re coming to a whole day to warm up to you. You gained the knowledge that the clan’s species was Metkayina, and the village you will be asking to live in is called, Awa’atlu.

When the island had finally came into sight, all you could do was smile. The feeling of going up and down and the swaying of flying made you feel sick, although you loved to fly, it was an action that wasn’t meant to be used long.

When you had flown over the tide pools and pass some living spaces, a loud conch was blown.

Multiple times.

It felt like the vibrations were traveling throughout your whole body, your stomach dropping as a nauseous feeling crawled up your throat.

When landing, the feeling of not being in the air felt foreign, and your body leaned forward, slumping as you blacked out for 3 seconds max. Coming to, you got off your Ikran, disconnecting from the overdue Tsaheylu, making your kuru feel sore.

People gathered quickly, spears held up towards the Sun, making the dangerous weapons glint with a deceiving shine.

Your legs shook like jello as you walked, and you held onto the gear around Azraa to keep you steady. That was until a hand wrapped around your bicep, pulling you in.

Without looking you immediately laid your head against that person’s shoulder, already knowing who it was.

“Awpxey..” You licked your dry lips as you shook your head. “I feel sick. I don’t feel good at all.”

Awpxey only rubbed your back, noticing the way your skin felt clammy as he tried thinking of something to say that won’t make you feel worse.

“We won’t be here for long Y/n, we only need to be granted the permission of sanctuary, and then you can sleep.” He whispered quietly into your ear, deciding on that as he knew how tired you must feel.

You sighed, thinking negatively and wondering what would happen if you weren't granted Uturu.

What do you do then? Are you supposed to just hold through and fly for Eywa knows how long until you finally fall upon a village that will take you in?

Your thoughts were interrupted when a creature flew over the heads of your family. You didn't put effort in ducking. Your knees were too weak and you knew that the person commanding the animal was not going to hit your family on purpose.

A man had climbed of the loud screeching creature. And by the outfit and accessories he had on, he had to be the Olo’eyktan.

And he obviously was because as soon as he was close enough, your father had greeted him with his hand coming to his forehead and down with a small bow. Looking behind himself to make sure the rest of you were following him in front of the watchful eyes of the clan.

“Olo’eyktan Tonowari, Oel Ngati Kameie.”

The Olo’eyktan was kind, he looks kind, and he was quick to greet your father, and all of you back the same way.

“Jake Sully, Oel Ngati Kameie.”

As your father and Tonowari got to talking, you closed your eyes. Trying to level your breathing and calm the waves of nausea that flipped your stomach.

Your attention was taken as you heard the shuffling of sand, and an increase of the murmurs from the clan that was gathered around you.

You reluctantly peeled your eyes open, they burned from the duration of time they were forced to be held open.

You noticed the crowd parting, making way for a figure that hasn’t yet meet your sight. Though you gained an idea as you heard the melodic rattle of what seemed to have been seashells.

Your theory was proven right when a woman had exited the crowd, her pace was slow and she walked cautiously, watching every single one of you.

You could barely focus on the conversation that was happening between your parents and the clan leaders. The only thing you could do was try to ignore the way the Sun beat your back, the usual warm, sunny feeling felt dreadful as it spread an uncomfortable heat throughout your body. This only made the feeling in your stomach worsen, your face tightened, your eyebrows stiff together.

Awpxey felt it against his shoulder, and he turned to you, concerned. “Y/n?” He seen your expression, and quickly wiped a hand against your forehead, a cold sweat was the outcome against his fingertips.

“Shit.” He mumbled, “hold on for me tìyawn, please.” Awpxey adjusted your body, holding you in a way that was comfortable for both of you as he felt your body start to slack.

“Awpxey.. ‘M s-so tired.” Your teeth chattered as your eyes began to close. “Hey, hey Y/n, can you stay awake for me?” Your eyes barely moved, but Awpxey had seen that Amber yellow and was satisfied,

He ran a hand through your sweaty hair, wanting to find a place to kiss you that wouldn’t bother you.

Before he even could, the Tsahìk was standing in front of you both, she looked at you closely.

Eywa has said something to her in her heart about you, she took a liking to you. But looking at the state you were in, it tugged her heartstrings.

It… Shifted something within her.

But before any actions were made, you couldn’t hold back the bile that emitted from your stomach.

It fell right into the sand.

Right in front of the Tsahìk’s feet.

Soon after, your legs gave out, knees buckling as you fell into the sand, Awpxey falling with you while holding you close.

“I-I’m so sorry.” You chattered out.

How embarrassing…

Though after, your heart drooping to your ass as you realized this whole little thing could jeopardize your family staying here.

The Tsahìk was quick though.

“You,” she pointed to Awpxey. “Follow my healers to one of the healing maruis, I will continue here.”

You were pulled up slowly by Awpxey, as he followed two women who stepped from the crowd.

Your father looked as he seen you walk away, your legs barely strong enough to hold you up.

It made him ridicule himself.

How had he not noticed? How had he not seen you become like this when you hopped off Azraa?

His own questions floated, floated in what seems like a pit of too many things to remember and too many things to be doing.

It’s like if his brain is running out of storage, his head working up too much.

The bouncy sensations of the walkways that allowed the Metkayina to walk around their village did little, but a lot to help you.

As you walked, the bouncing gave you a bit of a cooling sensation from the warm sweat you felt breaking out on your body, but it sure as hell didn’t help that twisting feeling in your stomach.

You still felt sick.

By the time you had finally made it to the healing tents, and by the time the women had placed a good sized bowl in front of you… You had thrown up again into it, filling it up almost halfway. The healers looked shocked, but tried their best to just continue setting up whatever they needed to make a salve for you.

Awpxey held and guided your body to a free mat in the corner, trying to shade you from the Sun peeking harshly into the marui.

One of the young healers looked on at you two in a curious bewilderment. Watching the way Awpxey sweetly spoke to you and comforted you.

Is this what love looks like?

A gentle snap in front of her face was what she got as her answer.

“Aiya!” Another young healer whispered yelled the girl’s name, calling her attention and giggling at how she looked at the both of you.

“Instead of gawking, finish grinding the powder so we can add it to the medicine!” The young girl’s cheeks darkened at the word gawking.

What gawking? She wasn’t gawking was she?

“R-Right sorry! I wasn’t gawking though!” With a reluctant breath Aiya grounded the powder until it was thinner than it was before, slowly pouring and mixing it in with the medicine they were to give you.

“How about you go take it to her Eiya? Since you, you know, enjoyed staring at them earlier.” One girl joked, and even though it was supposed to be a joke. All the other girls quickly agreed, handing the medicine to Aiya before nudging her forward, and just leaving.

And leaving. Leaving. They just left, just like that. What friends they are. They know how hard it is for her to talk to strangers.

She walked hastily, trying her best to bring you the medicine to make you feel better without spilling it.

When she reached Awpxey’s back, she poked him.

“Mh.. Give this to her, have her drink it.” She held out the small bowl, and Awpxey took it gently, explaining what you needed to do before softly placing the bowl in front of your mouth.

Aiya wanted him to work quicker. She wanted to see you get better. She had this foreign, impatient urge to… Talk to you.

When you finally finished drinking the medicine, Awpxey making sure you had every last drop, you had taken a deep breath.

The twist in your stomach started to disappear, your skin started to feel less moist and finally cooled down, feeling how it usually did any day in the Sun.

“Wow..” You whispered astonished. “I feel so much better already!�� You looked between Aiya and Awpxey.

“Thank you so much for that medicine, it’s really working!” You smiled at Aiya, slowly scanning your eyes around her face.

She’s really pretty.

It wasn’t said out loud, but you and Aiya had thought it at the same time as each other. But only looking into each others eyes, you both knew exactly what the other thought.

Awpxey noticed how the both of you seemed to have clicked, though he didn’t say anything, just let it play out as he noticed you and Aiya begin to smile shyly at each other.

The scene was interrupted when the Tsahìk came walking in, it was only now that you noticed her round belly. How did you not notice it earlier?

The Tsahìk’s eyes lock onto yours, and she stepped close to you. “Come, Y/n.” You were shocked at the fact she somehow even knew your name.

But you quickly didn’t care anymore, as you remembered that you were not there when the Olo’eyktan and the Tsahìk were deciding to either let your family stay, or leave.

When you finally get up, you stand next to her, impatient.

“I come to know your name now, but I forget his.” She nudges her chin towards Awpxey. “What is his name?”

Is she playing games with you? Knowing that you want to know whether you were granted Uturu or not. Yet instead she’s asking for your boyfriend’s name.

“Awpxey. His name is Awpxey.” You rush out.

She nodded, humming a quiet “hm” before she ushered him up with her hand.

“Come, let’s go.” Now you were really nervous.

Though you all paused when she turned around and faced the girl that was in the tent.

“Aiya, you come too.” You noticed how the girl’s face was at first shocked, then lit up. Her ears perked and listening as her tail swished lowly behind her.

Now it had to have been fine if she was coming too right?

You tried not to dwell on it too much as you followed the Tsahìk on the walkways, noticing you were walking deeper into the village and through the many maruis that were built over the mangrove roots.

She was leading you to a tent, right? This definitely isn’t the way you came. There’s no way she’s leading you out.

Awpxey noticed the furrow in your brow and had reached to hold your hand, holding it in that way you both found comfortable for the uneven amount of fingers you both had.

Aiya walked behind, her stomach warm as she watched the both of you hold hands.

She wants to hold your hand…

Her eyes widened as she rubbed her forehead, trying to wipe away those thoughts.

It had to be the stress and lack of sleep she has from becoming a healer. Right? Yeah, that’s it.

Suddenly, she stopped right in front of a tent not to far from the edge of the walkways.

The ocean was not too far, and the view looked so beautiful from where you stood.

When you had looked into the tent, before your foot even hit the floor of the inside, your father was rushing towards you.

“Y/n,” his hands came to your cheeks, holding your face and examining you lightly. “You feeling okay?” His tone only held worry as his eyes stayed focus on you.

You nodded with a small smile. “I’m okay dad, swear.”

His eyebrows dropped in relief, a breath exiting his mouth. “I’m sorry for not noticing babygirl, I’m sorry.” You shook your head, grabbing onto one of his hands on your face.

“It’s okay dad, it really is. You’re stressed, I know you are. And this really came out of no where, the sickness. Either way, I feel so much better now, promise.”

With a small smile, you held out your pinky, joining it with your dad. A happy little tradition your father taught you and the rest of your siblings.

Neytiri watched on behind your father with a smile. Watching how you and your father slowly started to get closer emotionally and bond more.

It made her happy, knowing that you want to be with the family more often.

Eywa knows how broken Jake was when you had separated yourself from everyone and everything at the ripe age of 12.

When you walked deeper into the marui, you thought it was beautiful. It was definitely different, something you were not used to.

But you knew that life comes with change. And with change comes adaptions and arranging.

You took a deep breath, looking around smiling at everybody. It was really pretty in here, and the floor felt good against your feet.

Neteyam huffed a small laugh as he walked past you. “I guess Y/n likes it.” You laughed as you bumped his shoulder as he walked by.

When you turned back to the entrance, the Tsahìk and Aiya were gone.

About an hour later, when you all were almost done with placing your belongings down and putting your stuff down to sleep, your dad called a ‘Sully Family Meeting’.

Lo’ak must have known because he was a hair away from successfully leaving the tent before Neteyam chased him out, and pulling him back in.

Kiri had an attitude as Neytiri called her, responding with a moody, “what”. As she sat down.

Tuk kneeled over a covered crate next to Jake, playing with her fingers as she took deep breaths.

After a moment of silence your dad had gotten serious. “I need you kids on your best behavior, I mean it.” He looked through all of you.

“Learn fast, pull your weight.” He looked straight into Lo’ak’s eyes as he said. “Don’t cause trouble, got it.”

Lo’ak responded with a ‘yes sir’ as he knew the demand was targeted towards him.

Neteyam chuckled before he reached over, squeezing the base of Lo’ak’s neck, pulling his hand back when Lo’ak hissed to him.

Lo’ak receiving a side-eye in return.

Though you didn’t pay much attention to that as Tuk spoke up, tears in her eyes as she stated she wanted to go home.

“Aw Tuk.” Your mother looked at her with sorrow, the same sorrow she felt in her heart.

Jake took her hand, holding one of her fingers. “Tuk.. This is our home now.” He paused before a spoke again.

“Now, we’re gonna get through this.” He nodded surely, Neytiri following along also.

“We’re gonna get through this if we have each others backs, alright?” Your mother cut in, adding a quiet, “what does your father always say?”

Hesitantly looking around, waiting for someone else to speak, you all said. “Sully’s stick together.”

Though it was all out of sync..

Your dad nodded, “yeah that’s right Sully’s stick together.” He looked at Neytiri before turning back to look at all of you.

“Now this time with some feeling, yeah?” Within a few seconds you all were repeating the quote, “Sully’s stick together”, a bit louder.

Although it was still out of sync, the effort from the rest of you was present.

Kiri was doing her own thing while she said it though. You could tell that she was feeling really dejected by moving away from the forest. Hell you were too, but you tried to tune your mind to accepting that there was no changing this.

Like your dad said, this is our home now.

As the rest of the day passed, you wondered what nightfall looked like around the village. You stayed around the exit of the marui, watching the sky as it darkened little by little.

Eclipse looked the same as it did from the forest — and that made you smile — though the environment was obviously different.

You wondered if sleeping here would feel more relaxing, since you’ve always heard people fall asleep to the sounds of the ocean. You decided on just not thinking about so you’ll be more patient. You couldn’t wait to see for yourself.

Falling asleep was not easy.

Though the sounds of the ocean moving directly under your new home was nice, it was.. So different.

You weren’t entirely used too it, at all.

You know it’s going to take a while to adapt.

The next morning after a quiet breakfast, the Olo’eyktan and Tsahìk’s son and daughter, Ao’nung and Tsireya came to retrieve you and your siblings to begin training they had a friend with them, you heard his name to be Rotxo.

And you had noticed the pretty healer was with them to, Aiya was her name right?

When you approached the waters edge, the four of them dived in, you and Awpxey looking quickly at each other before diving in next.

When you had opened your eyes under water, you were shocked, entranced at the beauty that was fulfilled in the ocean.

It was beautiful. So beautiful.

You could get used to this, you smiled. Oh definitely.

Awpxey and Aiya quietly stared, looking at you and how your beauty and essence seemed to mix in with the Sea of Pandora.

Looking over at Awpxey, you smiled, a few bubbles coming out your mouth as you reached your hand out to him. He took it happily, and you pulled him down towards the sea floor, deciding on wanting to look closely at the small animals that swam about.

Tsireya watched Aiya look at you and Awpxey attentively before she made a small clicking noise with her mouth, making Aiya turn to her.

Tsireya signed a worried ‘are you okay’ to her, waiting for an answer.

Aiya nodded quickly, signing back ‘I’m okay! Just looking at them, they are so cute together!’ Her face turning to a light shade of purple, though Tsireya only seen it as the waters reflection.

One thing about Aiya, she was good at playing certain things off.

Tsireya nodded happily in agreement before turning around and swimming off to catch up to the other siblings.

Aiya turned to the direction you and Awpxey were before, though she was only met with the sight of coral, a slight frown forming on her face.

That was before she had gotten a plan.

You were ecstatic, the little specimens that passed you and Awpxey every second made you kick your feet harder to swim with them, being careful touching certain things as you don’t know what’s good or what’s bad yet.

Your head turned quickly when you seen a certainly big figure move in your peripheral. You looked closely to see it was hair flowing as someone swam around.

From the outfit you could see it was Aiya, you swam towards her, going to her front to wave happily at her. Awpxey catching up a few minutes later as he was playing with a snail.

Aiya waved to the both of you, a smile on her face as she started moving her hands in a foreign motion.

Was it sign language? This looks a bit different though… You had learned the basics of sign language when you were younger and would visit Hell’s Gate with your father, but that was American Sign Language.

Was she signing in Na’vi? Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you tried to decipher what she was saying.

She seemed to notice your confusion and pointed up to the surface of the water, and made a ‘come’ motion.

You nodded, kicking up to the surface and taking a deep breath as you reached the top.

She popped up next, then Awpxey. Keeping yourself afloat you had asked her, “is that sign language? What you had used while we were under?”

She nodded, “it was! Sorry for just thinking you understand right away.” You shook your head, smiling. “It’s okay, when I was younger I was taught sign language but never in Na’vi, I only know the basic stuff in English.” You giggled.

She laughed too, “I should teach you! Well, if you want me to? It might be useful.” She looked at you, waiting for you to say what you think.

“No, yeah definitely! That would be great!” You agreed immediately. Aiya looked a bit shy as she brought her hand slightly out of the water, pointing lightly behind you to Awpxey. “And him? Does he want to learn too?”

Looking behind yourself, you seen Awpxey staring up at the sky his eyes scrunched from the Sun as you can tell he was looking at the clouds.

You turned back towards her, laughing. “He’s a bit dumb, but I think he’ll like learning.” She smiled, nodding. “Let’s go to those group of rocks over there, there is a few more things you need to learn, like breathing.”

Following her, you had to turn around to bring Awpxey as he stayed looking at the sky, messing with him you pulled his hair, making him gasp as he attempted to chase you.

As Aiya stood on the rocks, she was able to see how quickly you were able to evade Awpxey in the water.

Laughing and out of breath you climbed onto the rock she was standing on, you paused as you seen her hand outstretched, but you grabbed it just in time because when she pulled you up Awpxey appeared right where you were.

Your heart was pumping amd you held your hand over it as you realized where he was. “He almost grabbed me Aiya, you saved me.” She was smiling amd nodding, but her heart felt like it was about to fall through her rib cage.

You were still holding her hand.

The cool water that was dripping from her hair to her body did nothing to cool down her skin that was beginning to grow hot.

When Awpxey was now trying to climb up the rock, she held out her hand again, acting without thinking. She was close to letting out a squeak as Awpxey clapped his hand against hers, the both of them pulling at each other to get him on the rock.

You knew.

You knew you were still holding her hand, and you swung her hand back and forth in yours, letting her know you were fully aware.

“Hey Aiya?” She turned to you, her neck stiff as tried to ignore her hand swinging together with yours. “Yeah Y/n?”

“Can we all swim a bit more? I really like how it looks underwater.” You smile shyly.

“Of course!” She nodded, you don’t have to ask me, let’s go.” You skipped excitedly to the end of the rock, making sure there wasn’t any other ones you looked at the two of them.

“Let’s jump at the same time!” Awpxey nodded quickly, tightening his hold on Aiya’s hand before lining all of you up.

Aiya’s heart was going through an overdrive. What is even happening?

After a quick countdown she was now submerged, which put her back into reality quick. Swimming through the water she found you in front of her, swimming towards the ground again.

She noticed you liked playing with the coral, running your hands over the bumpy edges and following the small fish that swam by.

After swimming around and playing for a bit, there was a clicking noise heard underwater. From what you could decipher it sounded like an animal, so you looked around curiously, expectantly.

The clicking didn’t raise anything for alarms, the clicking sounded sweet, almost as if it were only calling out. Trying to track where it was coming from, you spotted something move underwater,

You squinted your eyes quickly trying to focus, it went behind a big section of coral that wasn’t too far from in front of you, so you swam toward it.

Several seconds passed, and then a creature, almost as resembling as an ikran came from around the corner.

Your eyes widened in excitement as a smile pulled onto your face.

The animal swam towards you, gliding through the water gracefully as it approached you, placing its face close to yours, making you “cheek”-cheek with the still clicking animal.

In this moment you were beyond ecstatic, seeing a sea creature this beautiful approach you so calmly and swim around you as it nuzzled itself into your cheek.

You noticed the animals Tsaheylu pocket and gripped it gently, grabbing your queue from behind your head before you connected them softly.

Tsaheylu underwater was no joke, you almost swallowed gallons of water trying to get used to the familiar though unfamiliar sensation that was passing through your nerves system.

Testing, you gave the soft direction to swim up to the surface, and up you went, put not blazing fast. The animal pulled you at a soft but firm pace, bringing you to the oceans top like you had asked.

As you surfaced, you gasped for air before letting out an excited squeak. Looking around for any signs of Awpxey and Aiya also resurfacing. When they popped out of the water next, they both had huge thrilled smiles.

“Y/n!” They called out at the same time before swimming to you, racing somewhat.

“Guys! Guys! Look it! Look what I got!” The creature you still did not know the name of spun you on its back, letting out its own excited trills of sounds.

“Good job Y/n! The way it approached you so easily, she sensed you!” Aiya subconsciously reached for your hand. “She sensed your kind energy and strong heart.” Aiya rambled with a smile. Awpxey swam up next to the both of you, placing his hand on your knee. “Good job Tìyawn, see? You always claim you are not that special, but here we are!”

You thanked him, looking down at the creature with a shy smile, a blush accompanying your face. “What are they called?” You looked up to Aiya, softly petting the creature’s rough skin.

“They are called Ilu. A common sea animal used by many of the Metkayina for hunting, traveling and such.” You nodded, listening intently.

“They are so beautiful..” You whispered, silently admiring the eye of your Ilu, that was before she squeaked, showing her excitement.

Mid-day was approaching, and swimming for hours on end left you starved. So for lunch you and your family returned to your maruì.

For Aiya though, she thought it as unfortunate that you and Awpxey had to part ways with her.

Was it selfish? Somewhat, right?

She shook the thoughts in her head away as she was telling herself you both had to leave. Obviously to eat and nourish yourself so she can see you.

After you completely inhaled your lunch as you bragged and raved about how you tamed an Ilu, you happily stepped out your new living space.

Squinting your eyes against the Sun, you all walked to the area you agreed to meet Ao’nung and Tsireya at, you didn’t fail to see the way Lo’ak’s slouched shoulders straightened quickly once she came into view.

Hm. You tried to hold in a smile as you looked at the back of his head.

Looks like Lo’ak’s got a crush.

The rest of the day was spent learning how to properly hold your breath, learning more facts about the Ilu you are learning to ride, and information and traditions of the Metkayina.

As eclipse started to approach everyone headed home.

Everyone but you, Aiya, and Awpxey.

All the way until the stars infiltrated the sky, the three of you sat and talked about any and everything.

Maybe adapting won’t be so hard.

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for reading all this!! I did say it was going to be a long one, but I hoped you enjoyed it! Sorry for taking so long to update!! Two months? I’m actually sorry because during those 2 months I have gained many followers and I feel like I’m not doing much! So this is me back in commission!! Also, how do you guys feel about Aiya? How should I continue with her? But anyway! Thank you for reading 🤍!!

59 notes · View notes

justmystyles · 1 year

Note

hi there !! so i have a bit of a heavy request for you.

could you maybe do a hurt / comfort with harry where he finds out you’ve self-harmed and he comforts the SHIT out of you?

been going thru a bit of a rough patch lately , i hope this isn’t too much :)

have a good day lovely!!

Scars

check out my other works!

pairing: Harry Styles x plus size reader

word count: 2.2k

summary: can harry be the comfort you need after falling back into old habits?

warnings: self-harm

a/n: so i woke up to this ask first thing this morning, i usually stay away from heavy topics like this, just because they require a special amount of care, and i don't know that i can do them the justice they deserve. but i was so moved that this lovely anonymous user asked me to help them through thier rough patch that i got to work on it immediately.

anon - thank you so much for asking me to help you through this time. i know we don't know each other, but if you ever need someone to talk to, i am right here. and that goes for any of you. i know i'm new here, and just a faceless username on a website, but i am always happy to be a listening ear, or do whatever i can to be there for you.

tags: @allthelovehes @ameerakane20 @ash-craze @bethanysnow @blue-ballad @brightlightsinlife @creativelyeva @cute-as-ducks420 @fanficismydrug @gem1712 @golden-hoax @gothmingguk @groovychaosavenue @hillzrry @iceebabies @indierockgirrl @jerseygirlinca @jng4kook @jooniesbabie @kaverichauhan @lexiecamposv @n0vaj3an @ravenclawdirectioner @stylesfeverr @superchrystaldrug @tenaciousperfectionunknown @tiaamberxx @thechaoticjoy @theekyliepage @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @youknowwhaaat

You stood in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at your bare torso as you ran your fingers along the fresh marks. It had been years since you’d found yourself in this place, and you were silently cursing yourself for getting here as the tears streamed down your face.

The first time this happened, it was a complete accident. You had been so frustrated at something or other, you honestly couldn’t remember the initial catalyst at this point, that you had clenched tiny crescent shapes into your palms. As you watched the blood emerge, you felt a sense of calm. At least this pain was tangible. If you were going to be hurt, you wanted to at least see it. So that’s what you did.

For a long time after that, when life became too much, when you were feeling alone or misunderstood, you would mark yourself. You always knew it wasn’t the best way to handle things, but it gave you a sense of control you didn’t otherwise feel you had in your life.

You were usually pretty good at concealing the scars. Tucking them away the same way you did with your emotional struggles. Until you were asked to be a bridesmaid in your cousin’s wedding. The dress was gorgeous, your cousin knew about your body image struggles, and took the utmost care to find something that would be flattering for you, something you would be comfortable in. And then you tried it on, unprepared for the slit that went up to your mid-thigh, showing off your collection of scars. Nobody said anything at the fitting, even though they all noticed. A few days later, your cousin spoke to you privately, and you broke down, telling her everything. She was incredibly supportive, and worked with you to make sure you got the help you needed.

But here you were, years later, feeling like that sad, scared girl from all those years ago. You weren’t sure how it escalated to this point, you had been through a rough couple of weeks at work. Late hours, nonstop meetings, more criticism than praise. Your family were all so busy with their own lives that you barely had the chance to speak with them. And then there was the one person that was supposed to be your rock, Harry.

Harry was incredible. You had never felt so loved, so cared for. You still remember the first time you showed him your scars, and told him about your past. He listened with rapt attention, tears pooling in his eyes. When you finished, all he could do was place soft kisses to each of your scars, muttering apology after apology and promising to protect you from ever feeling that much pain again.

But he was on the other side of the world right now, he couldn’t be there for you in the way you needed. Between the time difference and your busy schedules, you felt like the two of you were merely pen pals. It wasn’t his fault, this was his job. You knew that, it was what you had signed on for when you started seeing him. That didn’t make you feel any less alone though.

You were startled out of your thoughts by your doorbell. You furrowed your brow as you checked the time on your phone. Who would be bothering you this late? You splashed some water on your face to hide your tears, and grabbed your shirt off the towel rack, throwing it on before moving to the door.

You left the chain on the door, opening it a sliver to see who was on the other side. The moment you were met with Harry’s sparkling green eyes and wide smile, the tears made their return. You stood in silence, the door partially opened as your brain tried to process that he was here, standing at your door.

“I think I’ve successfully proven I’m not a nefarious stranger, think you could let me in now?” He joked.

You closed the door just long enough to remove the chain before opening it wide, sniffing and wiping your eyes as you took him in, really took him in. Before you could react, he had charged over the threshold, wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his face in your neck. “I missed you, angel.” He murmured against your skin as his lips left soft kisses against you.

“I missed you too,” you say as you pull back. He looks at your tear stained face, bringing his hand up to wipe the wetness away. “But what? Why? How?” You’re at a complete loss, he wasn't supposed to be back for another week.

Harry chuckled at your flustered state, brushing a stray hair behind your ear. “I was able to get things wrapped up early, so I’m here to surprise you.”

After a few more hugs and whispered I missed yous, the two of you got settled on the couch, turning on the television for background noise as you caught each other up on the past few weeks.

Once he had gushed about the projects he had been working on, and you had shared some minor details about your world, you got settled in his arms and the two of you started watching television, just enjoying the feeling of being with each other again.

As the evening went on, Harry’s hand absentmindedly traveled under your t-shirt, stroking the skin on your hip before moving around and running up your stomach. You were half asleep, the comfort of being in his arms making you forget your actions from earlier in the day, so you didn’t register what was happening until he softly said your name in a questioning tone. You hummed in response.

“What happened here?” He stroked over the marks once more.

Your eyes went wide and you sat up, pulling your shirt down to ensure he couldn’t see anything. “Nothing.”

“Y/N,” Harry said in a gentle warning tone. He reached for the hem of your shirt, but you scooted away from him on the couch. “Please?” His tone was less of a warning and more of a plea this time.

You took a deep breath and lifted your shirt, holding the hem just below your bra line. Harry’s eyes went wide at the sight, running a finger down your stomach as tears immediately began to pool in his eyes. “Y/N, these are fresh.”

You open your mouth to respond, but all that comes out is a guttural sob. All of the pain, loneliness, everything from the past few weeks being released at once. Harry is on you in an instant, wrapping you in his arms allowing you to cry against his chest as he strokes your hair and holds you for as long as you need. You both know this is something you will need to discuss, but you’re also in no state to have that conversation right now.

“Shhh,” Harry coos. “It’s alright baby, I’m right here. Let it all out.” He holds you tighter, wanting to make sure you knew he was there, and he wasn’t going anywhere. His own tears begin to fall as he continues to listen to your wails, and feel your body shake against his.

The only words spoken for the remainder of the night are Harry’s assurances to you that he’s there, and that he’s got you. Eventually, the two of you fall asleep in each other’s arms on the couch.

The next morning, you stretch your body as your hand comes to your eye, wiping the sleep away. You can feel that your face is still puffy from your tears, your head pounding. You look around and see that you’re alone. You stand from the couch and head out in search of Harry. You immediately hear the sizzle of a frying pan and make your way into the kitchen to see Harry’s back to you as he stands over the stove.

“Harry?” Your voice is raspy and low.

He turns immediately, greeting you with a sad smile as he takes you in. “Hey baby.” He steps up to you, placing a gentle kiss on your lips before bringing his hand up, brushing your cheek with the backs of his fingers. “Go sit at the table, alright? Breakfast is almost ready.”

You nod and take your seat, watching as Harry disperses the scrambled eggs from the frying pan to two plates that are already stacked high with pancakes. He brings them over, placing one in front of you, and the other at the setting beside you. He then goes to the refrigerator, pulling out a bowl of fresh fruit, putting it between the two of you.

“Juice?” He asks, wanting to make sure you have everything you need before he sits down.

“Um… water please?” He nods, kissing the top of your head before going back to the refrigerator and getting you a glass of water.

When he returns, he takes his seat beside you and the two of you eat in silence, Harry occasionally reaching over to squeeze your thigh gently. His way of reminding you that he is there. You know a conversation is coming, but you don’t dare speak first, hoping to put it off for as long as possible.

Once you have finished eating, Harry clears the plates, putting them in the sink for later. He comes back to your side, taking your hand as he sits. “Baby,” he says softly, searching your eyes. “What happened?” You shake your head, dropping your gaze to the floor, he immediately slides his finger under your chin, bringing your eyes to his. “Talk to me. Please.”

You feel a lump in your throat when you hear the desperation in his voice. “I’m sorry.” You choke out.

“Hey hey hey,” he moves his hand from under your chin to cupping your cheek. “Don’t be sorry, you have nothing to apologize for. I just want to help you. But I can’t help if you don’t talk to me.”

You close your eyes, leaning into his touch and take a deep breath. The warmth of his hands on yours gives you the push you need to start. You tell him everything, all the things that have gone wrong over the last few weeks. The overwhelming feelings of hurt, loneliness, inadequacy. It feels so good to get it off your chest. You look at Harry as you speak, and you see no judgment in his expression, you know that he’s taking in everything you’re saying, and that his brain is working overtime to figure out how he can fix it, how he can make everything better.

Once he’s sure you’re finished, he wraps his arms around you and pulls you into his lap placing soft kisses along your jaw. “Baby, I wish you had told me. No good can come from keeping this all to yourself.”

“You were busy. I didn’t want you to worry about me.” You wrap your arms around him, burying your face into his neck.

He tilts his head, pressing a kiss against your temple. “Angel, no matter what I’m doing I am never too busy for you. I want to be here for you for everything, the good and the bad. We’re a team, right?” He feels you nod against his shoulder, he places his hands on the sides of your neck, pulling your face back to look at him. “I need to hear you tell me, baby.”

“We’re a team.” You say softly.

“That’s right,” he brings your face to his, kissing you softly on the lips before kissing away the tears that had fallen. “One of the things I love most about us, about you, is that I know that no matter what is happening I have you. I can run anything by you at any time. Right?” You nod in agreement. “What kind of boyfriend would I be if everything was one sided like that? I came to you with my stuff, and you just took it on while also managing your own, all by yourself.”

“I don’t want to be a burden on you.”

“Y/N Y/L/N, you are anything but a burden. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.” He assures you confidently. “Just you saying that proves how selfless and giving you are. But in order to take care of me, and everyone else who loves you, you need to properly take care of yourself.”

You nod in understanding. “Thank you.”

“No my love, thank you.” He said with a soft smile. “Thank you for trusting me with your heart. I promise you, no matter where I am or what I’m doing, if you pick up that phone and tell me that you need me, I am going to do everything in my power to give you whatever you need. Okay?”

“Okay.”

He pulls your face to his, kissing you deeply. Enough to feel all of the love that he has for you. He doesn’t just want to tell you how much you mean to him, he wants to show you. When he finally pulls away, he rests his forehead against yours, brushing your cheek with his thumb. “Do you want me to run you a bath? I think you could use some relaxation.”

“Will you stay with me?”

“Of course, my love. There’s nowhere I’d rather be.”

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles x fem!reader #harry styles x plus size reader #harry styles headcanon #harry styles angst #harry's house #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry edward styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles blurb #harry styles fic

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jisunghannie · 10 months

Text

Choose Me

PAIRING: Hyunjin x fem!reader

WARNING: Swearing is used in this story. Lots of angst. Angst to fluff

SUMMARY: You and Hyunjin are dating. You were originally his makeup artist and quit because you wanted to be with him. That was your sacrifice. However, he betrayed you and cheated on you, or so you thought anyway.

WORD COUNT: 4,010

A/N:

.°•○>><<○•°. = POV switch

.°• ✿ •°. = Flashback/Present time

`○°.• ✿ •.°○` = Timeskip

-ssi is used to describe someone older (Maknaes use this to address you!)

-ah is used to describe someone younger (Hyungs use this to address you!)

I should've written that in the first part. So sorry, that was my mistake. I took the full day writing and revising. Sorry if it's not long enough! I really wanted to post part 2 for those reading!

Part 1 is here!

"Can you just stop!? God. I already told you. I don't want an explanation!" You yelled at Hyunjin. "I'm trying to explain because I care about you. So please. Don't go... I need you..." He pleaded. Hoping you would listen to him. "Hyunjin. There's nothing for you to explain. No matter how out of it you were or how tired you were you still should've been able to prevent it!" You yelled at him. "When will you get that through your thick skull?!"

"I won't leave you alone until you listen! I want to save this relationship with you!" He yelled back. You held your tongue, trying to bite back your tears. "So please..." He said gently, this time caressing your cheek. "Listen to me y/n..." He kissed your forehead. "Please... I'm begging you... just... listen..." He said sadly, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"No... I'm not going to listen." You said firmly. "I'm not listening because I would've NEVER! EVER! Done that to you." You said yelling, tears pouring down your cheeks as well.

"We're done Hyunjin." You said. Breaking away from his grasp.

"Then why do you still cry..?" He asked gently with a hurt tone. You stopped in your tracks. As you turn to face him. "Why do you still care so much..? How can you say we're done when you're crying the same way I am..?" He asked, wanting an answer. You wanted to answer. You wanted to say you loved him so much and wanted to work it out with him.

And then, you woke up.

You woke up in a cold sweat. Tears rolling down your cheeks. You turned to the window to see it was still dark.

"Damn.. you scared me there y/n-ssi." Jisung said. He saw your sad and scared expression. "Another nightmare huh?" He asked as you nodded, wiping your face. "Come here angel." He said as you crawled over and comforted you. "What was it this time?"

As you explained to him he sighed.

It had been a week since you'd seen Hyunjin and all these nightmares had just gotten worse. You dreamt of the argument you had before you walked out. You understood that it was your fault, and the more you replayed the scene in your head. Your nightmares had made the argument worse and worse.

"Y/n-ssi... maybe it's time to go talk to him..." Jisung suggested as you looked him in the eye, "But how could I Ji..." He saw the genuine hurt in your eyes. "I didn't tell him we're over but it definitely feels that way and I'm not even sure if he wants to see me and-" You were cut off by a tired Minho.

"He does miss you y/n-ah. Incredibly. He texts us how you're doing. Not only that but how do you think we know your favorite food and stuff." He says sitting down next to you. "It's because Hyunjin tells us."

You felt more tears rush down your face the more you tried to wipe them away. You missed Hyunjin so much, but couldn't help the fact that you felt guilty. You were the reason why you two were away from each other. Maybe if you had been more understanding, then maybe you two wouldn't be without each other.

.°•○>><<○•°.

Hyunjin has been doing better because his friends were picking him up. However he would be lying if he said that he didn't miss being by your side, waking up next to you, seeing your morning texts, and even eating with him.

Hyunjin's phone went off as he looked at the notification, hoping it was you. But it wasn't of course. Instead he was met by a text from the Maknae that started this.

Unknown: Hello Hyunnie! It's Ha-Yun!

Unknown: I hope it's okay that I'm calling you Hyunnie!

Unknown: Let's meet up sometime! Just you and I!

Hyunjin didn't bother to save her number. As he was going to clear his notifications he saw a reminder.

'Reminder for next week! 1 Year Anniversary!'

It was your guys' 1 year anniversary next week. He was even more heartbroken. He spent so little time with you within the 1 year you two have been together. Maybe he has been a bad boyfriend. He looked even more sad, and just then, Chan walked over to him.

"No sad faces. If you miss her so much we can go see her." Chan said, trying to cheer him up. Seeing his dejected face he sat next to him. "What's on your mind?" He asked. "Our 1 year anniversary is next week and I still haven't made up with her. How will we ever make up if we can't even talk to each other." Hyunjin said as Chan smiled.

"It's easy. You forgive her right?" Chan asked as Hyunjin nodded. "Then you have to make her forgive you." Chan said as Hyunjin looked confused. "How is that easy?" He asked, wanting an answer from the cocky hyung in front of him. "You know what she loves, you know her better than we do, just try to explain to her about the situation from your perspective." Chan explained. "How will that change anything? She's probably heard it from Minho or I.N or Jisung already..."

"You never know until you try." Chan reassured him. As Changbin sat next to Hyunjin. "She loves you so it'll be another talk. Trust me, y/n-ah is understanding so she would definitely listen. She might've not listened at that moment because she was upset but it's been a week already. I'm sure she's ready to listen." He tried reasoning with Hyunjin.

Hyunjin sighed. He understood what they meant but something about it. He couldn't bring himself to do it. He was too much in his head to properly apologize.

"On the bright side." Chan said standing up. "We have a Q&A with our stay."

"When is that again?" Felix asked, butting his head in.

"Oh come on Felix, that's next week." Seungmin said knowing better.

"But next week is my 1 year anniversary!" Hyunjin said with a desperate tone. "Can't we postpone it?!" He asked, his voice raised.

"Easy, easy. I tried but we couldn't. It was actually supposed to be the last week of our work week but we had to train the new soonly debut group." Chan said trying his best to keep a nonchalant tone and face on. Hyunjin looked horrified. He didn't know what to do. Chan, noticing the worried expression that Hyunjin wore, he sighed. "We will only be there from 3-6 pm. It won't be long. You'll still have time to make up with y/n-ah if that's what you want to do."

Hyunjin looked relieved but he still was paranoid. How would he talk to you? It had been a week and this was your guys' first actual fight. How would he make it up to you?

.°•○>><<○•°.

"Chan said we have a Q&A with the stay next week." I.N said as they ate breakfast.

"Alreary? We hust hot hack." Han said, his mouth full. Not being able to decipher what he really said. Minho knew what he said.

"Yes, already, and so what if we just got back? Don't talk with your mouth full, that's disgusting." Minho said after finishing the food in his mouth as you giggled.

Han finished the food in his mouth and was incredibly snarky with his next words, "What are you? My mom?"

Minho said and threw his chopstick at Han's head. "Just eat, and get me a new chopstick." Han sighed as he picked up the chopstick on the floor and dropped it in the sink, grabbing Minho a new one.

"If you have nothing planned you should come to the Q&A y/n-ah." Minho said, giving you a smile. "I'd love to-" You were cut off by a notification on your phone.

'Reminder next week! 1 Year Anniversary with Hyunnie <3'

Your heart broke again reading the words on the screen.

"Hey, what's wrong..? Is it Hyunjin?" I.N asked as you shook your head. "Our 1 year anniversary is next week... the same day of the Q&A..." You stated simply as Minho sighed. "Chan probably knows it's not that long, in the past our Q&As range from 3-6 pm sometimes 7 pm. But they always start at 3 and end around 6 or 7." Minho said as you took a big sigh of relief.

"What should I even get him?" You asked the 3 males with you at the table. "Well he loves art so you could anyways get him a new pack of paints or a canvas." Jisung said. "Or even a piece of art from his favorite artist." I.N suggested. "Nonetheless, he'll appreciate whatever you get him so don't worry." Minho said as you smiled. "Or you could surprise him at the Q&A!" I.N said excitedly. "That's a great idea!" Jisung said. "But Hyunjin is a private person. He doesn't like his relationships out there..." You said almost as if you were insecure.

Minho sighed as he looked at you. "You should come to the Q&A. But only if you want to. If not, you could always surprise him at your guys' home after the Q&A." Minho suggested as you nodded. "That sounds a lot better." You said, your tone, much more calm, actually excited given the predicament you guys were in.

`○°.• ✿ •.°○`

It had been 3 days since the talk of what to get Hyunjin for your guys' 1 year anniversary. You were planning to give him the element of surprise for his gift. You were going to show up at the Q&A and once it was done you were going to give him an apology and tell him that you were sorry because he didn't get a chance to explain, and more!

You smiled at this thought. Right now you were with Jisung, choosing an outfit for the Q&A.

"This outfit maybe?" He asked, showing you a comfortable outfit he had picked out with a large white puffer jacket with gold embroidery, a beige turtleneck shirt, with beige cargo pants to match it. A chunky white belt with gold embellishments to match the puffer jacket. Along with white chunky boots.

"That's beautiful Ji... but how much is it?" You asked, not wanting to go over the price limit. "Ah, ah, ah!" He said pulling the clothes away making you puff your cheeks in irritation. "You told me to find an outfit and since I did I will take care of expenses!" He said with a smile. "You can't! That means it must be super expensive!" You said looking horrified. Not even Hyunjin spent that much on you before. "Trust me, Hyunjin will love this." Jisung said as you finally gave in. "Fine... Thank you Jisung." You said as he smiled. "Now go get changed."

As you changed into it. You really felt like Hyunjin couldn't take his eyes off you in this outfit. You felt worthy of being his girlfriend in this outfit. I guess asking Jisung to pick out an outfit wasn't too bad.

"Ji, this outfit is perfect. Are you sure you want to buy this?" You asked once again for confirmation. "Yes! Now go get changed and I will pay for it." He said as you nodded. You really couldn't wait to see Hyunjin again.

`○°.• ✿ •.°○`

It was the day before their Q&A. You wanted to practice your makeup. You still did it here and there but it wasn't as much as you used to put on. As you grabbed your products you realized some of them expired. So you told Minho that you were going to go to the store to buy makeup.

As you got there. The people there recognized you immediately. One of your old coworkers jumped on you for a hug.

"I was so sad when you quit and didn't come back! What even happened?" She asked as you smiled. "Sorry for leaving without warning, but I need some more makeup." You said as she nodded. "Are you still working for you know..?" She said quietly, trying not to expose your work. "No, we are dating. Funny enough, we got into an argument before our 1 year anniversary which is tomorrow. I'm planning on surprising him tomorrow at his Q&A event." You said as you realized your friend's mouth was open so wide that it would've been hitting the floor. "Y/n that's amazing!! You're dating him now! Not only that but for damn near a year?!" She exclaimed loudly. "Hush, hush!" You teased smacking her shoulder lightly. "Sorry, uh take my number I gotta get back to my work." She said as you exchanged numbers. "I'll see you!" She said, giving you a big smile.

You missed this place a lot. You stopped working here when you got together with Hyunjin, wanting to support his work with everything you had. Of course it was a sacrifice but a sacrifice you were willing to make.

As you were reaching for your usual concealer, someone's hand touched yours as it seemed they were looking for it too.

"Sorry-" You said but before you got to finish the person cut you off. "Sorry, do you mind if I take it? I need it for tomorrow." She said as you looked at her. 'She's so pretty.' You thought. "What's tomorrow?" You asked without thinking. "I have a Q&A, a collab with another group. I'm sure you've heard of them. Stray Kids." She said as you looked at her. "I have but how come you guys are collabing?" You said, it must've come out wrong because the girl took major offense to it. "How dare you! I'm someone important. Ha-Yun! Remember that name before you start coming to ask for an autograph." She said, grabbing the concealer and walking off, bumping into your shoulder before leaving to pay for her stuff.

You were hurt but you genuinely didn't understand why she was so offended. You've never met her so what was her deal with Hyunjin and his group? You chose to forget about it and saw another shade of your concealer misplaced and grabbed that and went to check out with other products.

As you went back to Minho's place. You didn't mention your encounter with that girl as she might've been a crazy, obsessed stay and didn't want to scare Minho.

The next day when you woke up. You did your skincare and ate. You took care of the dishes and did your laundry as you packed your stuff.

"So you're finally going home?" Minho asked, smiling. "Yeah, thank you for keeping me here Minho." You said bowing in respect. "Of course, any time little one." He said. "I have to get going, but my bathroom is clean so feel free to do your makeup in there." Minho said as you smiled. "Thank you."

You then took your makeup bags and unopened products and got to work. When you finished you felt beautiful. After you put on the outfit, you put on your matching pair of earrings and necklace that Hyunjin bought you on your first date. You smiled at the memory of him giving you the gift. It was definitely a night to remember.

As you looked at the time. You saw that it was 4:38 pm. You were so late. You grabbed your bag and your important makeup needs and rushed out to the location where the Q&A was taking place.

When you got there it was 5 pm. You saw the boys sitting down as another station was empty. You heard Felix's voice and looked up. "So you guys have been wondering why we have 6 unopened seats. It's because we are here to tell you guys that we have another group. It is going to debut soon. Welcome them onto the stage!" Felix announced as the stays went crazy and once they took a seat. You recognized one of their faces. You couldn't put your finger on it, but you definitely recognized one of the girls.

"Now for introductions!" Chan said as you tried to dig in your memory for a while. It came to that girl's turn. "For introductions, remember, name, position, and favorite memory as a trainee." Minho said. As she stood up. "Hey guys! I'm Ha-Yun, I'm lead dancer, and," She said walking out to the group of males next to her. "My favorite memory as a trainee was probably working with Hyunjin. Who trained me as a center!" She said, placing her hands on his shoulders. "I love him so much! Hopefully you'll see us working together more often!" She said smiling. "Isn't that right Hyunnie?" She said as Hyunjin just looked awkward.

You didn't understand what their relationship was to each other until you saw her give him a kiss on the cheek. In front of paparazzi and all of the stays. "Let this be a reminder that Hyunjin is taken by this soon to be!" She said as Hyunjin just sat there. He gave a chuckle. "Okay, thank you for that Ha-Yun... moving on..." Hyunjin said.

Ha-Yun... Now that name sounded familiar. 'How dare you! I'm someone important. Ha-Yun! Remember that name before you start coming to ask for an autograph.' She remembered. She was so pretty. Prettier than you ever would've been. So why did Minho not mention her looks before.

You clutched your bag. Tears pricking your eyes. 'This was a mistake...' You thought. 'I shouldn't have come... he would look so much better with her...' You thought as tears were clouding your vision.

Just then you and Hyunjin made eye contact.

'Oh no...' You thought as you took steps backwards. You then turned away and started to run away from there. You didn't want to see his face. Not again. Why did she have to do that? Why didn't he push her away? Why did he laugh? Why? None of this made sense to you as you ran away. Hurt that Hyunjin would even accept that from her.

You ran back, calling a taxi back to your place. You didn't care. You were cleaning up all your things and leaving for good.

.°•○>><<○•°.

'Oh god. Not again.' Hyunjin thought. He then stood up. His members looked at him. Minho, knowing what had just happened by Hyunjin's expression, stood up with Hyunjin.

"Sorry guys! We just got word from staff that this event was only until 5! Until next time!" Minho said. As the other members were confused.

As they left the stage. Chan looked at Minho confused. "There's no time. Hyunjin. Go now." Minho commanded as Hyunjin nodded. "Thank you..." He said quietly. "Go! Now!" Minho yelled at him as he ran back home.

Chan was so confused. "Mind explaining?" Changbin asked as Minho turned and explained the situation from the beginning of the week.

Hyunjin was horrified that he had messed up. Not only that but on your guys' 1 year anniversary. He didn't want to end, not like this, not ever.

When he got home. He saw that you were sobbing, packing all your things. "Y/n what are you doing..." He asked as you turned.

.°•○>><<○•°.

"Y/n what are you doing..." You heard Hyunjin's voice and you turned to look at him. "I'm leaving for good what does it look like..?" You said with obvious hurt in your voice.

"What... please... no..!" He said reaching for your hands causing you to drop whatever was in them. The coldness of his hands touching the warmth of yours. You looked at him. His nose was all red. Tears, glistening his eyes. You were hurt by his expression but you knew that you had to go. You couldn't keep playing the girlfriend who pretended to be clueless just because of your love or the amount of time you spent with him.

"Don't go... don't not like this... please..." He said bringing your hand to his face as your felt his cold face. "There's no point in begging-" You were cut off by Hyunjin yelling. "Listen to me damn it please!" He sounded desperate now. "What's there to listen to?!" You yelled back. More tears rolling down your face.

"How are you going to tell me to listen?! I saw it with my own 2 eyes, Hyunjin. My own eyes. How she kissed your cheek. The one I'm fucking holding. The one that I used to kiss. As you laughed at that gesture. How are you going to tell me to listen?! The chemistry between you guys on that stage was real. How are you going to tell me otherwise?!" You yelled at him with genuine hurt in your voice. “You're trying to explain what to me Hyunjin?! That I'm dumb? An idiot that's blind that doesn't see that her own damn boyfriend of a year get kissed by another girl on the cheek?! Yeah! Go on! Say what you have to say then! I'm listening-”

"Just listen!" His voice cracked, "Please... for goodness sake... do you love me or not..." He asked, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Of course I do!" You yelled pulling away. "How could you even ask me that?! I love you with every bit of my heart. My soul even if you want to go that far! I would sacrifice anything for you!" You yelled back. "Only for you to treat me like this. Like I don't mean anything to you! After all I did for you! I don't even know where to start with you! After I healed for you so I could apologize! Only for me to look like a fool waiting for you patiently. I'm not some stupid girl who's going to turn a blind eye Hyunjin!"

"I know..." He said, giving a breathy sigh. "I know that already..."

"Then why do you keep putting me in these situations that I have to endure?!" You yelled at him.

"It's not that y/n!" He yelled even louder. You held your tongue. "Fuck... where do I even begin. You're the most amazing, loving, most beautiful girl this world has ever seen. I'd wait for heaven and earth even in the next life to see you again... You don't even know what I would sacrifice for you to see what I see in you. You don't see the things I see. The-the things that I love. Fuck. Like," He said, stuttering as he caressed your cheek. "The cheek I'm holding..." He kissed your forehead. "The forehead I kissed..." He saw the jewelry you were wearing. "The jewelry I bought..." He said looking you in the eye. "It's the person I love... right in front of me..." He said, his voice cracking. "Can't you see... I love you..." He said gently as you cried. You both fell onto your knees on the floor.

"I'm sorry Hyunjin... I'm so... so... sorry..." You cried as he sighed. "I'm sorry too... I'm sorry for the stress I caused you love… I'm so sorry…" He said running his fingers through your hair as he kissed your head. "It's all okay..." He said relieved. "Do you forgive me..?" He asked. "Yes... a million times yes..!" You said hugging him tightly. "I forgive you too love..." He said as you both hugged on the floor.

As you both cleaned up. You both agreed to get your things from Minho's place tomorrow morning. You both slept in your shared bed. You fell asleep first as Hyunjin took a picture of you both in bed with you sleeping, sending it to the group chat.

Hyunnie: We worked everything out. Thank you guys. You guys don't even know how grateful I am.

I.Nnie: About time, and no problem

LK: Good.

Channie: Oh goodness

Yongbok: Congrats!

Minnie: 👍🏻

Binnie: That’s wonderful

Hannie: Yay!!

Hyunjin smiled at the texts as he put his phone down and kissed your forehead.

"Happy 1 year anniversary…”

@straykeedz @httpswilloww

#skz stay #skz imagines #hyunjin skz #skz x reader #skz fluff #skz angst #skz hyunjin #skz hwang hyunjin #hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin hwang #hwang hyunjin x reader #hwang hyujin imagines #hyunjin x reader #skz

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