#i would have experienced it not only as someone who has never publically dated anyone but as someone who is sex repulsed and on the

[transmeds]

back to my little rant i had on "is there asexual oppression and if so, what is it?" the whole idea of asexuals that have an enjoy sex immediately invalidates them from experiencing any potential opression.. there is literally no conceivable different between having sex because you love your partner or because you love sex. even "allo" people sometimes struggle to make this distinction. if someone is oppressed for being asexual, it would be at the Very Least for not having sex like being called a virgin or something. but yknow to these ppl sex favorable aces exist so throw that out the window.

the only thing that separates "sex favorable aces" and "allos" is a made up word. thts all. not only bc i dnt think sex favorable aces exist but because there is literally no difference in any way.

[nicromancytarot]

BEHIND THE CURTAINS OF KNOWING YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE

No one asked for this, but I wanted to see if anyone else has these issues and if so I wanted to let you know that you’re not alone! So hello and welcome to my beautiful literature podcast on things I’ve experienced since knowing who my future spouse is!

For a little context, my future spouse (based on right now and if things go to plan lmao) is an influencer, but they won’t be an influencer by the time we meet, I’ve known about this connection between us for a year now.

I don’t hate the fact that they’re going to be out of influencing by the time we are together, however I don’t like that they’re gonna leave me for hours a day, like what do you mean you have to actually go out and go to work while I’m sad and alone at home?

I personally feel as though it’s one of the most isolating experiences, I feel like I need to be loyal to them although they’re probably not being loyal to me. I feel weird thinking about other people, and I’ve rejected an amount of love offers since, I was in a situationship recently that I ended since I knew that me and this dude would only date to date, and not date to marry. I don’t think I ever want to subject someone to dating me while I know that I’m going to end up with someone else, like I can give times, names, dates, it’s insane. My friends don’t understand it as they think it’s stupid to devote myself to someone who I may not even end up with based on timing (I will, or I’ll die) however I feel I know that I want to end up with this person, so why would I want to ruin that?

Dating and marrying this person links heavily into my career decisions, I’m working on going into the music industry, it’s so stagnant as I don’t know where to go after writing music, like how do I produce this shit??? So if we don’t end up together, it means I haven’t made it in the industry as I hoped I would.

Even when they do stupid stuff online that I don’t agree with, I feel like I need to be there to support them, like they’ve been semi cancelled a few times in the last 2 years and I’ve stepped back, moved onto something else but then been like “oh damn, my monkeys, my circus 😔” WHICH IS SO???? It’s certainly frustrating, that’s the best way to explain it.

Luckily for me, this bro is lonely, ain’t got no one to share a bed with, waiting for me fr fr lmaooo. But I hate seeing people say stuff about them like “I ship them with X” or saying something inherently out of pocket about them, although I’ll never voice it, it makes me feel so territorial, and I don’t even have the right to do that right now!!

Again back with the influencing stuff, they have a persona, I feel worried because what if I’m only into the person they perform as for their audience, and not their authentic self? And what if they end up feeling the same?? I mean Im assuming not since we’re gonna get married, but still brotherrrr.

Watching their downfall sucks, I feel privileged to be able to check up on this person every now and then since they’re public, but based on our connection and the next 2 years, their career is only taking a downwards turn until they change their profession, and then by then they might hop offline forever and I’ll die until we meet! (I’m very dramatic)

Constantly doubting myself and looking for more confirmation, someone could slap it into my face and I’d still question the authenticity until we are married with 5 kids, 3 cats and a dog (I don’t want 5 kids actually, that was a lie)

I like watching edits of them on TikTok, that’s a pro.

Thank you for entertaining my 3am thoughts!!

[behindsonglyrics]

“Question...?” (Midnights) Matty Healy Masterpost

I haven’t done an analytic post in quite some time! I’m a little rusty, but I felt like this would be fun and …Question? has been pondering on my mind for some time now.

Before I hop into it, this is just a personal analysis theory. I’m not Taylor. I cannot ‘confirm’ whether a song is about someone, only Taylor holds those cards. Since it is a solely a theory; if you have a different opinion on ‘who’ you think a song is about, that is ok.

---

Now anyways, let’s get started...

Short Summary: …Question? Is a song where the song narrator (singing the song) is specifically reminiscing about a short lived moment of the past, regarding a short-lived situtationship, which we cannot fully call an official relationship because it was fleeting. The song narrator ponders on Questions she’s asking a former brief past lover. The narrator also opens up her heart, and telling her side of the story to that past brief lover, whom she has the Questions to.

Who is the ex fleeting situtationship? (Who the song is about?): Matty Healy.

How is it about Matty, well firstly, I know commonly Harry Styles is thought to be the  muse of this track, and (you never can say never, he very well could ‘still’ be as Harry has similar coincidences experienced and the OOTW sample) but heavily it seems to lay on Matty.

---

Let’s take an insight look to the lyrics, in a more depth way:

‘Good girl, sad boy / Big city, wrong choices”

Taylor tends to usually refer herself as a ‘good girl’ and has in previous songs, which narratively make it easily to come to the conclusion she is speaking about herself here. The ‘big city’ she refers to is New York, which, Taylor first met Matty Healy in 2014. New York is the “big city” as it’s often nicknamed the big apple for a reason.

At the time Matty had also met Taylor, it was known he was going through a lot himself: former heroin-addiction, outbursts, etc which led to a band intervention. He was not in a good place at the time of the rumors with Taylor.

“Wrong choices” also aren’t from Matty’s end either, Taylor is also speaking about her own wrong choices in the setting of New York.

“We had one thing goin' on / I swear that it was somethin'”

This is a very specific lyric that many may overlook, but tells a lot by the song narrator. Taylor indicates that she, “swears” they had something going on, meaning there wasn’t anything official, or set in stone. Thus why she, “swears” by it. This lyric here tends to steer me away from the Harry Styles theories, as Harry was in a full fledge (official) relationship with Taylor, unlike Matty where they were briefly having “something going on” even though it was fleeting, and she explains (in the rest of the song, why).

But one thing after another | Fuckin’ situations, circumstances | Miscommunications, and I have to say, by the way | I just want some explanations 

This lyric is quite intriguing because it is insight what led to to derailing and the shortness of this situtationship, and Taylor is asking for an answer (to, whom) she is singing to. Around the time Taylor was seeing Matty (in 2014), briefly as it was just starting up, there was an interview where he described potentially dating Taylor Swift as ‘emasculating’ and denying the possibility of them dating when asked in the past. He later apologized publicly, and said his words were miscommunication, implying they were taken out of context and correcting what he meant.

There is a letter somewhere of his public response, I can’t find the link right now, but it does exist.

Which fits the “miscommunication issues” that led to lost.

Can I ask you a question? Did you ever have anyone kiss someone in a crowded room and every single one of your friends was makin’ fun of you but fifteen seconds later, they were clapping too?

I won’t say much about these lyrics, as it’s a very straight forward retelling specific moment, and Taylor (the narrator) is asking how they felt about that, but it is obvious they shared a kiss, his mates teased him and it’s not the ordinary, only for them to be cheering them on, which mates tend to do. You could also say this scenario is weird for the both of them based on the circumstance.

Half-moon eyes, bad surprise Did you realize out of time?

So, Matty seems to have a hooded eye shape, which you could describe as ‘half-moon’ and when he smiles becomes more obvious in which she is describing. When she also asks, “did you realize out of time?” Is their situtationship coming to an end, and him knowing such.

“She was on your mind with some dickhead guy / That you saw that night”

Now commonly people think these lyrics apply to Harry as Harry looked distressed seeing Taylor with Calvin (masterpost here) but Harry wasn’t the only one during this time who was experiencing this. Around the timing of Matty and Taylor when Taylor started to get close and began seeing Calvin, Matty was there. That exact day. Dickhead guy is also Calvin Harris, btw for anyone specifically curious. 

“But you were on somethin' It was one drink after another”

As already said in this masterpost previously, Matty in the past was taking heavy drugs during this era of time. By 2017, an intervention was held for him by his bandmates. “On something” is pretty on the nose from Taylor.

What also debunks. …Question? Being about Harry Styles, is Harry in an interview himself said he never took drugs, until One Direction split. As he didn’t want to be the one who “fucks up.” It’s been said as well, Harry took One Direction seriously way back then, while his other bandmates (Louis, Zayn) were experimenting. He was “not on something” (Harry) he saw Taylor and Calvin, and that was the BBMA. Unlike Matty who “ran out of time” immediately after, cause after their breath flirting back and forth, Taylor met Calvin right then.

“Fuckin' politics and gender roles”

Matty has been politically outspoken for awhile now, I don’t know too much about him, but 21-year old Harry at the time wasn’t politically outspoken, besides maybe saying “don’t go to sea world” which is all I can really find, etc.

“Got swept away in the gray”

This may or may not be a similar reference like how Halsey paints Matty Healy and associates him with the color gray, he has strips of gray in his hair. Gray (as a color) = associated with some negative connation's, as it symbolizes loss, gloom, etc. Just like “blue’ is associated with describing the feeling of sadness.

---

Other than the lyrics, let’s talk about the sampling from OOTW.

There are theories that ‘About You’ may be Matty’s song to Taylor (whether it was written about her ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ up to you), but About You is saying, “did you think I forgotten” while OOTW is, “I remember” … Lastly, it is Jack who has long time worked with Taylor both on OOTW and Question. Both songs are on each others pre-set list as well.

[katelynsimpsince2016]

For context i did not watch the early half of S1. I accidentally watched it from malachi’s castle on but I do have a pretty alright grasp of whatever happens before that, so don’t be shocked if I’ve got details that’re wrong.

So, Zane’s the high priest of O’khasis. He can’t really go out and flirt with anyone because of his position, bc a: he’s a holy man, people are certain he has to be celibate from every sort of worldly relationship and b: no one would reject him solely out of fear of the monarchy, ignoring the everything else dating the high priest comes with.

So obviously when he goes to officiate a wedding and see his idiot brother, he’s very surprised to meet a lord who really doesn’t care who he is. Aphmau barely has any memories of the past, why would she be afraid to get in his space and threaten him if he steps out of line or tries to hold his position above her? It’s her village and these are her people. Zane’s used to yes-men and women who only want him for his money or status, if they don’t see him as the untouchable priest and get all flushed when he’s so ‘kind’ (read: formal/polite, which he is required to be) he’s very much not used to a fiery woman with a kind, loving heart who’d be happy to fist fight him. Especially not someone who also seems to see him as a person, too.

Which results in him promptly swooning over aphmau because it’s very refreshing to be knocked off his pedestal for once. Except he has no idea how to court a person at all, especially in public, and he’s a royal so he’s used to marriages only being arranged for people of his status, so obviously he’s quick to just,,, try and make her marry him.

Doesn’t work very well but she’s quick to use the opportunity once she sees it. If she marries Zane she’ll be able to have political power in O’khasis plus she’ll probably be able to get some sway over other things, and she gets to make her side of the deal so she immediately sets rules. Like how she’s not leaving Phoenix drop and how he has to pardon Garroth. It seems like it’s purely a business arrangement until he moves in with her for the rest of his stay and he’s trying his best to make it comfortable for her. Telling her how wonderful she is, and helping around the house, and playing with Levin when he doesn’t have any work to take care of.

Aphmau doesn’t like him back for awhile, mainly because she notices how he seems to not know anything about relationships or expect anything from her. She realizes it’s not a deal, it’s that he likes her but has no idea what a genuine relationship is supposed to look like, which is probably why he gets so confused when she does things like kissing him after the wedding.

I’ve got a migraine and i’m gonna go knockout and see if it fixes so like if this is even remotely coherent I’ll write more on it when I wake up

zane being the awkward one and aphmau being the shockingly interested one is the only version of this ship i will ever take! aphmau beginning to understand why zane is the way he is and seeing the child in zane is so heart warming. like,, he genuinely struggles to show affection and just was never taught how healthy relationships work. aphmau herself isn’t that experienced either but they can learn together

[charmixpower]

Any Aisha/Layla headcannons?

Yeah yeah! Aisha is always hard for her because the timeline of events, and what Aisha would of realistically able to learn with the way her parents are don't match what we see she's capable of. Every day she makes my head spin XD

The comics fucked so hard with the idea that Aisha was on Magix when it was attacked helping the pixies. I imagine she helped redirect the army of decay to keep the Trix from actually paying attention to Pixie village

The idea that Aisha was there, fighting off the army of decay just like the Winx, and barely missed them sings to me. They missed eachother by a hair! It's fate that they're both there! Idk it's so much fun

Aisha isn't her birth name, when running away she used a new name so no one would connect her to the currently lost princess. Layla is her birth name. I thought it would be cute to add both of her names in there

Aisha will try just about anything once. She has the worst case of FOMO, and hates not experiencing things

Aisha is very close to Tressa, and would often run off into the ocean to talk to her as a child. Tressa doesn't understand any of Aisha's parents actions, and often encourage Aisha's to mischief and to follow her dreams a lot like Anne did. Aisha only started talking to her because of Anne, and they're pretty similar all things considered

Aisha gets pretty close to Francis, the fairy of laughter, during her first year. They have a lot of the same classes, and Francis's laid back joyful nature does wonders to chill the anxious and stressy Aisha during her adjustment period

Aisha hates worrying about her public image and what people think of her with a passion. I can't imagine her ever taking the throne, because just thinking about the pr would give her a migraine. Once she and the Winx become the new company of light, she shuts down all her socials and starts wearing more sunglasses and such to avoid the paparazzi

Aisha tries to come off as cool and confident but she has like zero interpersonal skills because she's had like two friends before the Winx. What I'm saying is that the early part of her and Nabu's relationship involved a lot of blushing and awkwardness. Neither of them had actually ever been on a real date before and anyone could tell from a mile away

On that note, no one can convince me that Aisha has had a male friend, or even had a real conversation with a guy she wasn't related to before s2. It simply never happened

Out of all of the Winx, Aisha takes her job as Guardian Fairy the most seriously. Everyone else has a second, primary job, on top of being a guardian (Stella with her fashion, Musa with her music, Tecna is making stuff, I like to imagine Bloom doin stuff that's art related, and Flora probably becomes a magicbio scientist) except for Aisha. She's the only one who treats being a guardian as a main job, and anything else as secondary. The Winx usually let the lower, weaker, guardian Faries handle most things that don't require someone as powerful as them, but Aisha handles just about everything on Andros. She really enjoys it too, be finds the work of helping people very fulling and understands why the boys wanted to become specialists

(unsurprisingly if Aisha wasn't a fairy she would of become a specialist, like Anne wanted to)

Due to this Aisha is one of the most active in the practicalities and day to day function of protection a planet and works the closest with her planet's military to deal with things like magical monsters. I can imagine her mentoring younger faries who want to do a job like hers

On that note Aisha is fiercely dedicated to Andros. Like, everyone else cares about their planets, but Aisha takes it to the highest level. The Andro's people took her in when she ran away and taught her wave spells, rain dances, and all sorts of things she couldn't even imagine at home. She loves her people and community so dearly she can't put it into words, so working to keep that community safe and happy as a public servant is the job I think would make Aisha the happiest. She'd be ecstatic to be able to give back

(I like the idea that Aisha was knighted after standing up against Valtor and doing everything she could to save Andros, and I wonder if that would be a proper position in anything? Like there's likely different classes of Guardian Fairy, Aisha is more of the deals with physical threats and natural disasters kind, but I wonder if that gives her rank in other institutions)

Aisha totally gets a squire at one point. Please. I think it would be really funny. They're just a younger fairy trying to get the hang of this whole Powerful Fairy thing, but Aisha takes her role so seriously. I think it would be even funnier if this was her later seasons love interest. Why is this guy apart of the friend group when Nabu is still alive, bc he's Aisha's baby. She's teaching him about fairy stuff. I don't know enough about this Nex guy or his plot lines to say anything except I think this would be really funny

Aisha is so competitive that she's terrible at group sports. She takes them way too seriously, constantly get upset at her teammates, and should not be allowed to play them. Based on the fact that my mother banned me from team sports as a child for the same reason...some people just aren't built for competing with other people. In my defense I was like 8

I think she'd ask all the guys to teach her a little bit about each of their weapons. She thinks Stella's focus weapon is really really cool and wants one for herself but doesn't know what style she wants to go for

I feel like Aisha would by the most down for sparring, along with Bloom. Idk, something about those two. I imagine they'd spar a good bit to keep their skills sharp, and a little for fun

She seems like the kind of person who loves horror but is beyond easily shaken up. Drags Riven or Tecna to see a horror movie with her and neither of them understand why she keeps doing this to herself. Piff is annoyed with her

Speaking of Piff, faries usually go to "get" a pixie when they're struggling with someone. For example, Roxy is gonna probably get a pixie to deal with the fact that her magic developed faster than her body could handle (one transformation per year is the fastest you can go without consequences, and Roxy did their two or three) so she went to see if there was a pixie that could help relegate her magic. Aisha's parents did the same for her, under advisement form Teboc. Piff has been with Aisha since Anne left, and they're really close. Most pixie fairy relationships are kinda friendly but not super close, ie they usually go their separate ways after they get what they want, but even if Aisha over comes her chronic night terrors Piff and Aisha wouldn't leave eachother

I think because Aisha is based off of Beyonce she should have an amazing singing voice. She'd never do anything with it, as the stage fright would actually kill her, but sometimes she provides backing vocals for Musa

It's a personal hc of mine that Aisha and Diaspro know eachother. I just think it would be a good influence in Diaspro to see someone who already broke away from the stifling requirements of royalty and decided to become her own person, while it would provide more motivation for Aisha to get away as she watches Diaspro lose all personality and hobbies outside of what is deemed acceptable

[klaeus]

Whats it like to date Klaus (in general)

ㅤㅤi mean, to put it simply, it's a lengthy uphill battle. not only does he have more than his fair share of issues and enemies, he is also a master of self-sabotage. ❛❛ he's doing what he does. given a chance at happiness, klaus runs the other way. ❜❜ this really stems from two main beliefs of his: 1. he doesn't deserve happiness. 2. happiness is a weakness, and so is love. not only does loving someone make them a liability as a potential pawn for an enemy to use against him, but it also means handing them the power to hurt him. that's two risks he's very unwilling to take on, and those are only like ... entry level stuff anyone that wants to date him would have to break through lmao. say they make it through that first layer - underneath is rampant paranoia, possessiveness, a controlling nature and a large but fragile ego propped up by deep self-loathing and doubt. they would need to go into a relationship with him expecting to need to be patient, reassuring, willing and able to soothe his fears and build up his confidence / faith in the strength of their relationship so he isn't constantly worried about them leaving him. it'd be a hell of a lot of work.

ㅤㅤbut if they can hang on long enough to dig past the bad, klaus does love very strongly, twisted as that love may be, and is endlessly devoted and protective. guarantee the person with him has never experienced such a deep love, nor one with such a promise of eternity. he is intense in all things, and once he's hooked in, they have him forever ( save for if they choose to abandon him ). klaus has a habit of hyperfixating on his chosen person, and this can easily slip into obsession, hence that twisted aspect i mentioned earlier. this is where his possessiveness and controlling nature can come back in, but honestly, if he truly likes someone, he lowkey respects and enjoys them giving him pushback and putting him in his place, so to speak - so even if he tries to control where they go or who they talk to, they can literally just tell him to piss off and he's like damn, okay, i'll back off lmao ( he's the type to find backtalk from his s/o sexi fdksl ). it would be him constantly fighting against his covetous nature, because while he inherently wants them all to himself, he doesn't truly want to isolate them and make them miserable. it would take time for him to learn how to regulate these negative emotions, but i could definitely see him wanting to do so for the right person.

ㅤㅤon a more positive note, klaus enjoys spoiling his s/o in all ways possible. travelling around the world, getting them lavish wardrobes and accessories, painting countless portraits of them, giving them literally whatever they want that's within his ability to get. quality time is very important to him, and he will try to spend 24/7 with them if he can ( to a clingy degree 🙄 ). he obviously struggles with verbally expressing his feelings, and attempts to compensate for that with gift giving and physical touch; the latter being a big sign of his trust in someone, as he's very skittish with being touched. cuddling, holding hands in public, falling asleep together etc are all things that would be reserved for someone he was serious about, and had trust in. he's also of course very devoted to taking care of their physical needs, but i'm trying to keep this serious rather than thirsty 🤭 long story short there though, he views satisfying them as his favorite pastime hehe.

ㅤㅤtl;dr it's exhausting, aggravating and overall just a lot. but can absolutely be worth it after he's given time to fucking chill.

headcanons on this subject can also be found here, here, and to a lesser degree here.

[homemade-ghosts]

I honestly don’t get why antis, Rinis or PWs say the things that they do. One of things in particular, “Ricky was a bad boyfriend to Nini, so therefore he’d treat Gina no different.” First of all, he has completely different experiences with both girls so he can’t love them both for the exact same reasons. Also, Ricky’s lack of growth in S1 with Nini versus his growth with Gina in S3. I mean, you can have romantic feelings for 2 or more people simultaneously. Who would’ve thought? smh

The amount of PWs who seem to actively want Ricky to treat Gina badly is absolutely wild to me (& honestly, concerning). It feels like they resent Gina for not choosing their Fave White Boy™ EJ, to the point where they think she should suffer for recognizing her own worth and breaking up with him, after coming to terms with the fact that he could not & would not give her the love that she wants & deserves. They want Gina to be punished for what they perceive as her having “wronged” EJ in some sense (I won’t even get into the racist connotations associated with that — but they’re there, in big, flashing neon letters).

& on top of that, I can guarantee you nearly every rini/PW who claims Ricky will somehow treat Gina badly 1. Thinks EJ was a model boyfriend, despite the fact that he lied to & repeatedly ignored Gina + her wants/needs — making her feel like she was asking too much of him or that she (being a girlfriend for the first time where EJ was/is much more experienced) had done something wrong. & 2. They’ll jump at the chance to say that Ricky has only ever/will only ever love Nini and that they should’ve gotten back together.

So, basically, Ricky was a bad boyfriend to Nini and that’s why he shouldn’t be with Gina, yet they want him to be with Nini, the person they claim he treated so poorly? The level of hypocrisy is insane.

& implying that Ricky was a “bad boyfriend” to Nini and, because of that, he’ll be a “bad boyfriend” to Gina suggests that every relationship is the same, that you can’t possibly be a good partner to someone when it didn’t work out with the person you dated before them. If that were true, no one would ever be able to fall in love more than once. We’d all be doomed to either spend the rest of our lives with the person we were with at 16/17 or spend it alone. What a miserable existence that would be (at least for those of us that want romantic love). People change and who they love is often a reflection of that, as it should be.

Ricky isn’t solely at fault for the fact that he & Nini didn’t work out, either. They didn’t break-up just because he was unsupportive or because he was too clingy (two things he has never once been to Gina, by the way — even when things were strained between them while he was with Nini, he complemented her BATB dance routine & that continued into s3, where he was constantly in awe of her talent, encouraged her & told her he was proud of her. & in contrast to being overbearing with Nini, Ricky gave Gina space, no questions asked, when she made it clear she needed time away from him, mid-s2).

Ricky & Nini also broke up because they couldn’t communicate with each other or understand what the other needed. Nini, despite knowing that Ricky hates change & has abandonment issues, stemming from his mom moving to Chicago & starting a new life without him, waits until the very last second to tell him she’s moving to Denver. Oh, and she tells him in front of everyone, having apparently learned nothing from the last time she sprung some big news on Ricky in a very public forum a whole season prior. Then, when Ricky wants to talk to her about the parallels between “The Rose Song” and their relationship, she tries to convince him the song isn’t about him, even though she knows it is, and basically runs away from Ricky to avoid talking about it. Meanwhile, Ricky & Gina have, on several separate occasions, sought each other for advice & comfort. They tell each other things they don’t tell anyone else. Communication is their strong suit. 

& I know some people could/would argue, “but what about when they weren’t on speaking terms during 2b?” to which I would say that, when you give someone the room they need to process their own emotions, alone, because you understand that that’s what they need in the moment, that’s a form of communication, too. The problem (or one of the problems, among many) with Ricky & Nini is that they couldn’t understand what each other needed.

My point is not to suggest that the breakup was Nini’s fault specifically, or that I think she’s a bad person for treating Ricky the way she did, but to say that Nini was as much of a bad girlfriend to Ricky as Ricky was a bad boyfriend to Nini. That’s what happens when you try to force a relationship with someone you’ve outgrown. & just because Ricky & Nini have outgrown each other, it doesn’t mean that they didn’t love each other and it doesn’t mean that either of them aren’t deserving of the chance to be able to grow with someone who is better suited for the person that they are now, who makes them the happiest, most-fulfilled, best version of themselves — the way that Gina does for Ricky & vice versa.

You’re so right, you can love two people at once. I’m sorry if that upsets #them, but that’s the way it is — just because he loved Nini, doesn’t mean he ever stopped having feelings for Gina. Feelings aren’t simple, love isn’t simple. & while Nini will always be Ricky’s first love, his love for Gina is different, better. It’s healthy and it’s selfless & to suggest he’s not deserving of that love because his past relationship (one that he’s learned a lot from, mind you) didn’t work out is…well, it’s stupid. 

At the end of the day, Ricky treated Gina with nothing but love, kindness, respect & admiration when they weren’t dating and we’ve been given no reason to believe he won’t continue to do that now that they are dating (the only difference is that now he can kiss her while he does). #They can stay mad about it.

[ihatebnha]

“However… I do like to imagine him going thru a string of bad breakups in his early 20s, but only because I think the angst tastes good and because it makes him EXTRA sure about being with you.”

See I love this but I also love the idea of demi Bakugou experiencing his first everything with you. I don’t know which I like more. 😅

Though I do appreciate the aspects of the first. It would make sense; he’d have no issues finding someone wanting to date him. And I do believe sincerely that he longs for that ‘person,’ someone who loves him and has his back no matter what. And all his friends are pairing off, getting married, having babies, etc. He’s very apprehensive, but he gives dating a shot.

And it just keeps not working out. One after the other. I could see him giving up, staying single for several years. By the time you come around, he’s become so jaded about the entire thing. That longing within him has never stopped, but he’s believed for a long time that it’s just a stupid ass fairytale he’s concocted in his head and it will never become a reality. Throws himself even more into his hero work than before. Hates how empty it makes him feel, no matter how hard he works, how hard he tries. It fails to fill that void within him.

And then we finally enter the picture and man’s is hella shook. 😁 (I am also electing to ignore the latest manga events. Nope. Nope. Nope.)

Obviously there are a bunch of different ways this could all go down. I love exploring the possibilities!

(Editing this to ask if you got my message? That for some reason I can’t see any of your replies to my posts or message you??? I’M CONFUSED, BESTIE!!!)

Gonna hyperventilate over this tbh, AS THAT'S LITERALLY EXACTLY HOW I IMAGINE IT!!!

Here's this guy named Bakugo... who could have anybody he wanted, not because people like him... but because they like that he's handsome, somewhat of a celebrity, and rich; and because he wants love, or at least... isn't against it, he gives it a shot... only to be shot down time and time again because, as it turns out (/s), his cold exterior... doesn't just go away like magic when he's offered pwuss.

(I like playing on the trope of "rough guy only soft for his lover..." as I think the public probably thinks his attitude is kind of a joke, that he just puts up a front to hide his soft side, boo hoo, and when you get to know him, he's instantly nice.

We all know that isn't the case, though.)

I talk a lot about that all the time, though, and don't want to repeat everything you already said, but... you could probably even combine that idea w/ the demi headcanon too, cuz you don't have to rule out one to have the other, you know? Bakugo who knows/thinks he can love and longs for it... but keeps getting into all these relationships that just don't work out...

...that he wonders WHAT he's doing wrong. He keeps trying and trying to love all these people but never feels like he really... falls for any of them, nor thinks he's even all that attracted to any of them beyond... certain aesthetics.

(Maybe he even tells them he needs time and it’s just not taken seriously…)

And they get mad at him ofc, for starting, or agreeing, to something he never really follows through with... and then just being his usual self (which means kind of a jerk). But it's not like he's not equally as confused or frustrated by it all; worn down by being told he was lying or not going fast enough or even that he's "different" than they expected... which is how + why he probably ends up being okay with dumping someone or being dumped, and then later, giving up entirely.

It's only when you come around and just... be his friend, let him take his time, explore the natural course of your relationship... that he finally realizes what was going on. He better than anyone knows you can't light a fuse that isn't there, but it's sometimes possible to make one. And then he falls. Falls hard. Falls forever.

Just took that extra bit of time no one else was willing to give him (and you being you, ofc) cuz they were too busy thinking he was a jerk (which... no shit, Sherlock). Then he never leaves you.

[kimmysurveyblog]

35

Where were your parents born? Ontario, Canada.

Have you ever used public transportation to get to work? No.

Who in your family has the coolest job? Teacher. I think it would be a fun job.

Have you found your first gray hairs yet? Surprisingly, no.

What is your favorite food to put gravy on? Fries.

Do you know anyone from Canada? Most of the people I know are from Canada.

What's your opinion on astrology? I think it's silly but if it gives people joy and guidance, I'm happy for them.

Do you use TikTok? Yes.

Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? Absolutely not.

Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? I don't have a preference.

Are you good at hiding your feelings? No.

Can you drive a stick shift? No.

Do you care if people talk badly about you? Sadly.

Are you going out of town soon? No.

Does anyone hate you? I don't think so.

Do you think you'll be married in 5 years? Probably, yes.

Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? Yes.

What’s the best part about school? I miss the simplicity, the routine, the socialization.

Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? Lots of them.

Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? I did not.

Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? My boyfriend, yes.

Do you have a good relationship with your parents? They're both passed away now sadly but I did with both. It makes missing them so fucking difficult.

How do you want to die? Old age.

When was your last physical fight? Never.

Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? No idea.

Ever made out in the bathroom? That sounds awful.

Are you scared of spiders? No, unless they're very large.

What is/are/were your best subject(s)? English.

Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? Yes.

Do you have trust issues? No.

Favourite food? Broccoli and bacon alfredo. I'm glad it's a pain in the ass to make or I'd have it much more often.

Do you believe everything happens for a reason? No.

Is cheating ever okay? No.

What makes you happy? My daughter, my boyfriend, Stardew Valley.

Is there anyone you would die for? My daughter and boyfriend.

What’s the best news you’ve gotten lately? I can't think of any.

^And, the worst? My mom died.

Do you like getting dressed up? I don't.

Would you be embarrassed to find out you snored loudly in public? I would not do that.

Are you reading any books at the moment? The Time Travellers Wife.

When was the last time you had a tick on you? Never.

Have you been to the Grand Canyon? No.

Do you like grapes or raisins better? Grapes.

What is the picture on the desktop on the computer you’re using? Wintery forest picture.

Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? Yessss I get that sometimes and it sucks.

Do you believe in ghosts? Yes.

Would you ever stay overnight in a haunted house? Nooooo.

When was the last time you had an injection? What for? Dental freezing on Friday. I needed a filling.

Is there anything you cannot wait to be over? Yes. This grieving period. I'm just so tired of the aching, the longing, the crying, the breakdowns. I just want to get to the part where it only hurts sometimes and it's not so hard.

What was the last thing you had done at the dentist? Filling.

Does your best girlfriend have any talents that you don’t? She's amazing at sewing!

What color eyes does the last person you kissed have? Blue.

Did your parents ever read stories to you before bed? Every night as a kid, they both did.

What are you listening to? The sound of our aquarium filters and my daughter's white noise machine.

Do you like hickeys? I do not.

Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? No.

Do you have any summer plans yet? Not really.

Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? Soooo many times.

Are most of your friends guys or girls? Both?

Who do you text the most? My boyfriend.

Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? Yes.

Do you miss your last sweetie? No. That was so long ago!

Do you know anyone who is pregnant right now? Yes!

What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? IPA beer.

Do you play any games on your phone? Pokemon Go.

Have you ever shaved your face? Yes.

What was the last vaccination you got? COVID, like 2 years ago.

Do you have a brother? Yup.

Would you ever have a bird as a pet? Yessss. I hope we get one someday.

Have you ever had to speak at a funeral? More than once, sadly.

When was the last time you saw your father? 16 years ago.

Any time when you need to search something on the Internet, which search engine do you use? Google.

Do you believe in saving your virginity for marriage or no? No.

When you open your web browser, what is your home page set to? Why did you select this? Google.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #178

What was the last big change through which you went? Do you deal well with change, typically? Have you always? The very obvious answer is how much my legs have improved. Walking is usually more uncomfortable than fucking agony nowadays, and after being so used to the extreme weakness in my legs, I've come leaps and bounds. Change can still stress me out, but I've definitely gotten friendlier towards it.

What is something fun you have done within the past week? I watched Girt finish Nier; it's his all-time favorite game so I loved watching him be all enthusiastic about it and share interesting stuff. I'd actually already seen him play it once, MANY years ago, but I completely didn't remember the plot (he finished the game when I was so done and VERY much barely conscious lol), and this time he played the "Replicant" remake, so the quality of everything was improved. I thought it was great, its soundtrack is especially astounding.

Have you ever read any self-help books? Nah, I'm not nearly interested enough in the genre to get past a couple pages.

Do you thank the bus driver? Yes, you should thank any person that serves the public; bus drivers, waiters, everything. That's just common sense to me, like it's so rude to not show appreciation for someone serving YOUR needs. "But it's their job to ____," I don't give a fuck say thank you you ungrateful shit.

Are you scared of needles? Only very long needles that penetrate very deeply.

Do you know anyone who is/was a drug addict? Yes.

Do you tend to cave into peer pressure? No.

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? Yes.

Who was the last person you went to the movies with? Girt. I'm TRYING to talk him into seeing Barbie now lmfao, I don't think it's happening though. It kinda surprised me how unwilling he is, and I do kiiiinda worry he's fallen into the "it shits on men too hard" crowd, but I don't know.

Do you ever fear falling asleep? Well yes, for some reason no doctor has been able to confidently figure out, I have severe nightmares/terrors nearly any time I fall asleep. This has been going on for years though so by THIS point it's not so much fear, but annoyance.

What do you think is the youngest age someone should lose their virginity? I'd personally be very nervous if I knew my kid was having sex before 16, but I'm completely aware that it's not very realistic; teens developing a genuine libido is gonna happen and they're gonna do what teens do. I feel like this would, for the most part, vary with the person and their level of maturity and self-discipline, but what do I know.

Do you believe in abstaining from sex until marriage? That's a personal choice that isn't mine to make for anyone but me, HOWEVER I do see how waiting until you're legally bound to see how sexually compatible you are may not be a great idea. That's very important to some people so you should know this before you get married, in my own personal opinion.

What is your sexual orientation? Pansexual.

What is something you have acquired with age? TOLERANCE, open-mindedness, the ability to see what's right and wrong is almost never black and white and those also aren't the same thing for every single person, and that's okay. I've definitely learned to see that the world isn't experienced only through my own eyes and my moral compass.

Do you enjoy history? I really don't, I do believe it's important to know history to be aware of what's been tried and failed + why, but I'm just not interested, man. I also was so bad at dates and names and I just found it all boring.

Have you ever changed religions? Haha three times I guess; OG was Roman Catholic just because I was raised that way from birth, but it quickly turned to Christianity, in my earlier 20s I felt the most connection to Neo-Paganism, now I'm an agnostic/atheist of sorts. Got very high doubts that's ever changing.

Have you ever lied about your gender? Nah.

Have you ever designed your own Facebook timeline cover? I've EDITED pictures for that purpose, but I've never like, made some sort of collage or anything for this purpose.

What is one site that closed down that you wish would come back? Give me back my kabam.com Dragons of Atlantis game please I want it back the app is not the same

Are you a fan of the Saw movies? I've never really watched them, honestly, and I'm not very interested just because of the SHEER level of "you don't want to picture this" the traps are. It's not the gore that gets me, I just don't want to imagine going through that stuff; physically seeing it in movie form is anxiety-inducing.

Do you ever forget how old your siblings are? Only my half-siblings; I have none of their ages memorized. It's not that I care less because they're "just half," instead it's that they're not regulars in my life, like I see them once every good few years for a few days at most.

Who last talked about kissing you? Girt, I'm sure.

Did you speak to your father today? No, I haven't for a while. And I'm sure I won't until my nephew's birthday party on the 19th.

Would you ever get gauged ears? The first holes in my earlobes are; they're only 4mm and I don't plan on going any larger because one ear in particular will almost certainly tear if I push it any further.

Do you believe in moving in together before engagement or marriage? That's MY preference, like I definitely think it's wise to see how you exist in the same home before you tie the knot.

Did you ever give a hickey to the last person you kissed or you guys didn’t go that far? Yes.

List five of your favorite YouTubers. Markiplier (I don't really watch his content anymore but he as a person I still adore), GameGrumps, Rhett & Link (I haven't watched their stuff in many years now, but like Mark, I still adore them as individuals), John Wolfe, and Snake Discovery are all up there, but I definitely love more than five.

What pet names do you use with your significant other? All the usual ones I can think of, some far more than others.

Who is your best online friend? Mazzy and Tez aren't just my best online friends, they're my closest friends out of anyone if you're not counting my boyfriend and mother.

Who knows more about you: online friends or offline? HAHAHAHA ONLINE, I have ALWAYS been WAY more open about myself online, especially in terms of hobbies and interests and artistic stuff I do.

What’s something you find unconventionally romantic? Someone teaching you about something they're passionate about. Like how sweet is it that they wanna share that joy with you. YES you can overdo this and be overbearing about it, but in willing doses, I think this is very cute to share your passions.

List 3-10 things in nature you find amazing. Sentient existence itself (hell, even non-aware organisms are fucking fascinating), outer space, evolution, life and death and how it goes back into life in an everlasting cycle, mountains and volcanoes, canyons where you can see time right in front of your face in the layers of rock, fossils, really clear water, love and affection being exhibited beyond just the human species, and the deep ocean. I could go on for a LONG time, nature is endlessly fascinating.

What is one song that you've been listening to on repeat lately? "Platz Eins" by Lindemann is one.

Do you enjoy creative writing? Yes, very much.

Do you sleep with just a sheet in summer when it's hot? No, I change out blankets. Thicker comforter in the cold months, a thin blanket when it's hot.

Do you get bursts of creative energy or is it more consistent? I feel like I definitely have this baseline creativity going on, like I get especially artistic ideas so regularly (I have ongoing lists of a variety of art-based projects I wanna get to some day), however I absolutely do have bursts of increased creative drive. I fucking love those.

Have you ever been chased by a dog? Not by one that had any intention of hurting me; just pets chasing while playing.

Is your voice high, low, or somewhere in the middle? It's definitely lower than your average woman's.

What's the next friend or family birthday coming up? Will you buy them a present? Mom's is the 5th. And no, I have literally no source of income so I physically can't even buy her a candy bar or some shit, and it's fucking embarrassing and honestly agonizing to be That Person who goes into her bday empty-handed. I could write or draw something, but I haven't been able to think of what yet...

What was the last book you read? I'm currently reading Wings of Fire: Darkness of Dragons by Tui T. Sutherland. I've gotten into the habit of reading before bed and I'm enjoying it.

What are your plans for tomorrow? Nothing.

Is there a gang problem in your area? Not in my very specific area, but this city absolutely does, no one likes this place.

Do you make your Starbucks order more complicated if it isn't busy? I don't even go to Starbucks.

Would you date an already attached person? Hell no. In MY romantic relationships, you're picking me or them, and there's no in-between.

When you marry, will you wear white? I doubt it, I think I'm probably gonna wear black. But white is still possible.

Is there anything significant happening this month? Mom's and Ryder's birthdays, and I know Ryder will have a party. This weekend I'm going to Girt's sister's new place for the first time; I know that's not really "significant," but dude, anything that breaks my daily routine is worthwhile to mention in my world lol.

What are your grandfathers’ names? I only remember my mom's dad's name, which was William.

Have you ever seen a snake in real life? Living to 27 and not seeing a single snake, at least here, would be extremely odd. Yeah, I've seen plenty, I have a pet snake in my own house.

Do you know anyone that has been held hostage before? Oh yikes, not that I know of.

Can you ever hear dogs barking from your house? Does it annoy you? Yes, and admittedly yeah, it does. Our next-door neighbor particularly has a big dog named Kira, and she is CONSTANTLY barking, and she's not an indoor dog (she's behind a proper fence, calm down), so you certainly hear her. It doesn't annoy me to the point I'm gonna go bitch about it, but dogs barking is a noise I just do not like.

What's your main reason for booking taxis? I've never been in a legit taxi; they're not really a thing around here. I've taken an Uber with my mother literally once in my entire life, because of car problems.

When was the last time you saw your partner (or your best friend)? He was here yesterday; we finished Silent Hill 2 finally and that was fun, I was glad he liked it. It was nice, the last visit we played his favorite game of all time, and this time we closed off mine.

How did you sleep last night? Surprisingly very good.

Do you like candy corn? No, it's disgusting to me.

Are you bored right now? Yes; my anhedonia has been VERY severe the past few weeks. We're in the process of adjusting meds because I'm pretty sure I've reached the point of developing an immunity to something. It's happened with my psych meds many times before, so I expected it to happen again.

Do your grandparents speak English as a first language? Yeah, to my knowledge they all only spoke English.

Do you remember to turn lights off in the rooms you're not actively using? Yes, when you live in a family that actually has to worry about their bills you learn this shit quick lmfao.

Do you have many snacks in your house right now? No, Mom and I avoid that because we're very "out of sight, out of mind" with food, and if unhealthy shit is here, we're gonna eat it. It's just healthier for us to not have stuff available to us.

Do you keep alcohol in your house? Not regularly, no. I uh, think. Maybe Mom has alcohol somewhere, but I doubt it; both of us only drink usually for holidays, and never a lot.

Did you have a bunk bed when you were a kid? Yes, for me and my younger sister. I started off in the top bunk, but in my pre-teen years before Ashley moved out and I got her room, I preferred the bottom bunk.

[bemuscious]

https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/36_questions_for_increasing_closeness

Set I: 

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world whom would you want as a dinner guest? 

A person who has never experienced fine dining/a particular form of cuisine before, and due to economic/geographic factors, likely never will if not for our date. 

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way? 

I think I would prefer to be famous after I died, if at all. I don’t particularly like attention that centers on any single aspect of my being, which I would likely be famous for. It takes away the excitement of getting to know someone progressively and if I were to get so famous as to be idolized, I think that form of rapport is especially dangerous (for psychopaths like me lol). I would prefer to affect the world in a way that is tangible, but not ego-centric. 

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

I don’t, but I probably should haha. I think the complexity of the call needs to be considered for sure, but nowadays, most phone calls involve a first line of defense that are patient enough to point you in the right direction even if you meander through a half-baked strudel of words. 

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? 

Honest to god, cold shower first thing, extravagant breakfast, then off on some patchwork mission related to music creation or ecological restoration, then a dance party, then sex, then video games with my sexual partner. 

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? 

I sing to myself every day and I sing to my cat if that counts as someone else haha. 

6.  If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? 

I would want the 30 year old mind, most definitely. Being cognitively spry in advanced age is not exactly floating in my family gene pool. 

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? 

I think I’m probably going to starve to death. I will elaborate only if my interlocutor is ready for a long, dark conversation path. 

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. 

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

Public education 

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?  

I would treat myself with curiosity and compassion, not shame or like i’m burdensome. 

11.  Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

[type it out]

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

The ability to befriend anyone and everyone. 

SET II: 

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?

I would like to know exactly how to hack my brain into being hyper productive. 

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? 

I’ve dreamed of travelling the world and I haven’t done it out of both fear and financial constraints. 

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Surviving an 11 hour surgery? Getting a physics degree? Helping a kid adjust his behavioral issues before kindergarten? Writing and recording my own song? I will have to come back to this one.  

16. What do you value most in friendship? 

An understanding that I might not always be pleasant to be around nor will I often try to strike up conversation simply due to a deeply emotionally damaging upbringing that did not welcome open communication. 

17. What is your most treasured memory?

Playing halo 2 with one of my best friends Isaac. 

18. What is your most terrible memory? 

Either waking up with a breathing tube in my throat after an 11 hour surgery and proceeding to be extubated or being abused by my mother when I was 5 for not understanding algebra. 

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

Yeah, I would probably stop working on myself as a person and just try to have the best time I could possibly get in a year. 

20. What does friendship mean to you?

Speaking the same language and confiding in each other. 

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

Not a very prominent role, unfortunately. I’m trying to get better about this by showing people in my life as much affection as I can muster, but it is very tricky learning to love even myself. 

22.  Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

Not very close or warm at all. We love our cats, but due to a series of tragedies starting with the death of my father when I was 8, it has been very tough to feel any amount of warmth from my family. I think my childhood was still pretty good, regardless. I don’t think it would be reasonable to compare my childhood with many of my peers in similar socioeconomic classes. It would make more sense for me to compare my childhood with that of other kids who had single parents, to which I would say my childhood was pretty awesome. 

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

My relationship with my mother has come a very long way; she used to be quite abusive due to her own upbringing, but she has improved a lot and I have done everything in my power to forgive her and sympathize. I even helped her get through her degree when I briefly worked full time as a land surveyor. 

SET III:

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling…”

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

...pure, unadulterated joy and a ridiculous pantheon of niche interests (from both of us).

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for them to know. 

I am trying my very best to be a loving person who provides as much value as I can and sometimes I get a bit insecure that I’m not offering enough and I apologize in advance if I impose my insecurities onto you or anyone else with you in my midst. 

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

I last cried in front of my visiting cohort at an ecovillage when someone was monologuing about the destruction we are doing to the planet and I cry at least once a week for various reasons. 

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them [already].

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

Someone’s dedication to something. 

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

I would regret not telling every person who has ever touched my life that I love them and I haven’t told them that because I am sure they are feeling plenty of love without me. 

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

My sister. She’s been my best friend since childhood. It would be more devastating than disturbing. 

36.  Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how they might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

[topconfessions]

About the whole TOP dating young girls thing, I’m completely on board with you. Reading his natal chart, I can see partly why he has that preference. He’s an Aries moon and a Libra mercury big time. Most fans seem to perceive him as this mature, experienced and thoughtful man from his appearance and stage image. But if you follow him for more than 10 years you can tell that he’s the complete opposite. Not to say that he’s a bad guy who has little to no regard to his own actions and just acts as he’s pleased. He’s just not the type to plan ahead and prefer to live in the moment. He can be very impulsive and prioritizes his own needs that often leads to confrontation isssue if he were to deal with more emotionally mature people. It’s that thinking “why deal with it if you can just avoid it”. In a way I think he just tends to act from an emotional place until when things (accidentally) crash and burn he’s just lack the socially emotional capacity to deal with them. Fuck around and find out lol. It’s nothing new with wealthy, in-power, 30s men, let alone someone who has the advantage of being one of the most good looking kpop idols. Men like him wouldn’t go for women the same age because let’s face it, they can see right through these men’s antics. I’ve seen too many stories like this play out irl that often involve infidelity so I guess I’m glad he’s still taking time to enjoy and explore himself, maybe doing some emotional maturing before putting a ring on anyone’s finger.

Regarding his childhood, I believe it’s a huge contributed factor here. I have no doubt he faced a lots of body shaming in his teenage years. When something like that happened to you it shaped your self esteem and how you view yourself for a long time. This man needs validations and guides more than people think.

EXACTLY.

as for fans, top knew what he was doing as well as YG and BB members. TOP promoted an image to protect his real self so fans would never be able to catch up with him and how he operates (he may not have did this intentionally but it worked in that favor) so we wouldnt ever think he's out doing xyz or hanging with so & so cause he swears he is ___ type of person. He literally told us for years he wants the literal opposite of what he truly leans to. I think truly his ideal types and all he ever said was him speaking of what T.O.P would want if his entire stage image was a real person or 2nd personality. like forgive me, I'm not trying to be that person to stereotype mental illness cause BPD disorder is serious and not always the way hollywood glamourizes it to be, but like if top had multiple personality disorder and TOP was a real personality, I could see him embodying everything he said and dating older sophisticated mild mannered rich women. It's either that or he was speaking ideally of what he thought would make him look good and what he could benefit from clout wise. And yeah that aries makes sense.

I won't be in over my head but I once comapred my compatibility with him on that astro theme site and it's like to accurate go to for celebrity, public figure and historian birth charts & romantic compatibility, baby....me and top were 0% bitch, I had better compatibility with fucking ted bundy, jesus and the anti christ than TOP lmfaooooo I was BLOWN back then! but I don't match well with YG artists but my scores were high with SM artists. they come off more sentimental and meaningful in their relationships and relations that YG people in my own opinion. so thats just random plug but that was enough for me to know top is total opposite like you are saying. cause a good majority of my chart leans to what he said but aries x cancer placements dont go together lol.

Only mature young fans i.e kids who maybe had a rough life and were wiser beyond their years or just naturally mature ate tops image as fact. I won't lie, a part of me believed him but I was caught in the mix of idolizing other groups aside from BB, making friends and love through bb and the fandom wars so that clouded my judgement keeping me preoccupied enough to not look deeper. But I could always tell as time went on and I got older that he was not that person. It's an image. just like how beyonce acts like she's a badass legend but keeps pushing the PR machine to ruin Michael Jackson image by having media & his own childern on PR payroll through mj estate say she's on MJ level and surpassing it. Even more so with ehr acting like she's the ultimate woman but she stayed with a cheater her sister wanted to beat up physically and she popped out 3 kids for this man plus jay z has a criminal record and dead side hoes in his past but it's ok cause he's a mogul now. terrible. but fans who are young or obsessed won't use common sense to see she's very or used to be very soft spoken and introverted she is not about the demon time baddie life she promotes in music. Its the same for top, he's not the guy he portrays in interviews, varities, reality programs and on music shows.

I'll give top credit, the image cultivated or was given was great but he himself has a lot going on so he couldn't carry that forever. I still think that before recent 3 years, top saw himself as if he was where kim woobin is but he isn't there. I think KWB has something, just something top is lacking and likes to believe he has but doesnt. but TOP has that durability to comeback in a way I don't see KWB coming back if he was under harsh conditions like top etc.

SORRY I STARTED RANTING LOL. This is why I didn't let up on those insane bts and few crazy VIP fans in the arguments here months ago. you tink you know BTS but all it takes is one top style scandal and leaks to show they are different people.

He's...I don't want to be mean or like too blunt I won't say mentally stunted or emotionally stunted, but it gives slight MJ syndrome, like he has that need for that stimulation that young people provide positive or negative plus let's cut bs: most men of all ages want YOUNG girls unless they are in that phase of their life they want family and strictly to focus on serious relationship, even then if every other male in society american or korea could have a young decently fit / attractive side piece or secret sex buddy with nobody finding out? it'd be a jungle cause everyone would do it - which I'm bot even shaming cause I can separate my morals from just the reality of how complex relationships can be and say that some relationships probably do feel like they need an escape or a vacation with someone else, but at that point - just be single.

Young people just suit him being cause like you said he's not the pragmatic type to plan ahead and really be that responsible. he operates on whims and of the moment. that matches with young people. they're concerned about the now and not making a deep literal fuss about things in life like older 20s to 30 something people are. His scorpio sun makes him come off more stable than he is and yeah, I could see all of that really. I wouldn't mind meeting top but I wouldn't rush to date him now or put responsbility on him if we were friends cause he is not that dependable friend in that manner. he's dependable long term wise in loyalty and emotions with listening but dont depend on him to pull through something planned that places weight on him LOL. just don't. Yeah he is ironically doing the right thing by just taking this time in his 30s to fuck around and have fun. if this was america he wouldn't be able to do that, like literally he'd have the freedom to but his reputation would be in the toliet and he'd have to navigate his pool of girls cause women in america are tough and like you said they see through these antics. girls would be airing his ass out like how adam levine got aired out or he'd be talked about Leo Dicaprio. In a way there is no such thing as single in american hollywood cause you'll always be pigeon hold unless you are like keanu reeves level of loved. Like I've seen people trash zac efron calling him easy cause he doesn't seem to have serious standards when he dates casually although he isn't a super easy to date guy if that makes sense, but he's a libra so LOL.

yeah. I really agree with the last you said. he does need the validation and older women will give that sparingly in ways that aren't the instant gratification or ways he may want it. GOOD TALK THOUGH!

none of this makes him a bad person but he's not the stereotypical guy like the others in dating. he's gonna mary some young woman in his late 30s or mid 40s and she'll traditional very serene etc.

[starseed-twenty]

🌌 Jupiter in the Houses 💫

- Jupiter in 1st 💎

* Jupiter in 1H people are people who most likely have big features on their face/body (e.g, big eyes, big lips, a big forehead, big thighs, etc.)

* When you get to know them you'll probably find that they are the most confident people you've ever met (but they don't necessarily boast too much about it). They may even be too confident and it can manifest as arrogance.

* Fortune is not too scarce for them (throughout their life). They may have gone through rough patches here and there, but they always try and look at the positive side, and thus, positivity (fortune) comes in easily for them too.

- Jupiter in 2nd 💎

* I think this one is pretty obvious. People with 2H Jupiter are fortunate when it comes to finances, possessions, skills and luxury. Jupiter gives these people an abundance of what the 2nd house holds: money, assets, wealth, talents/skills, so they do find luck (if not now then later) when it comes to these things.

* Most likely they enjoy boasting (maybe in a lowkey way) about the things they have. From luxurious items, to their skills and abilities to do something, to their body (2H also rules the body).

* They also most likely hold many values, ethics & priorities and try to keep up to their many values.

- Jupiter in 3rd 💎

* People with this placement may be individuals who like to talk or enjoy thinking and talking or communicating to a bunch of people. People also just seem to be drawn to their way of communicating. They may even be digitally well-known.

* These people may also have a number of siblings, friends or cousins and probably get along with them well. It's not likely that they are lonely or have too few family members or friends [unless their Jupiter is badly aspected].

* They most probably also have a lot of activities or interests. This could range from hobbies they have, to a collection of something (movies, books, magazines, etc.) or social activities they're part of (such as clubs, societies, bands, etc.).

- Jupiter in 4th 💎

* Having Jupiter in the 4th house can make someone rather fortunate when it comes to foundations/groundwork. They've had good, proper and solid foundations throughout most of their life. This can range from forming a plan, to starting a business, to developing a hobby that ends up being something substantial.

* The 'Jupitarian abundance effect' for them might take on mostly the family department. They most likely also have a big home or family whom they really love and feel blessed to have.

* These individuals may also be pretty connected to their background/heritage. They really do try to connect with their roots and see the good in aligning with where (they feel) they come from.

- Jupiter in 5th 💎

* 5H Jupiter people are probably fortunate when it comes to the romance department. They like to meet people who seem very compatible with them and they gel really well. However, Jupiter likes to give things easy and give things a lot. Meaning, these romances don't last too long cause there's another one waiting.

* On the other side, these people may also have an abundance when it comes to children and have a lot of babies.

* They also probably have a ton of hobbies, or go out/have gone out a lot. They enjoy having fun out with the people they love. They also most likely enjoyed their teenage/adolescent phase, doing many things throughout their high school years.

- Jupiter in 6th 💎

* People with 6H Jupiter are often people who constantly have work or jobs to do or that they create for themselves. They enjoy it though, because Jupiter (being a positive planet) makes them see the positive side to it. This can then make them quite busy people.

* They most likely (lowkey) have an obsession with their body, how their body looks, how they should treat/feel about it, and what they eat. This is a stretch, but they may also be people who like to eat weird stuff or exotic stuff. Always trying things out.

* Most 6H Jupiter individuals also like pets/animals or have at least one pet/animal.

- Jupiter in 7th 💎

* People with this placement often meet plenty and various people throughout their life. And from the people they meet, they take or learn something. They almost never meet someone for no reason.

* They probably have this thing of giving people the benefit of the doubt. So they always try and see the positive in people, and have belief in the things they say.

* Similar to 5H Jupiter, they are fortunate in the romance department. They meet amazing people and get all carried away, falling in love in 0.2 seconds. Unfortunately, with Jupiter comes abundance, so these don't last as long as they'd hope for because the romance department is making room for more.

- Jupiter in 8th 💎

* Jupiter in 8th house people relatively receive an abundance of karmic experiences. They may suffer from one thing at some point, but eventually that suffering ends and breeds a new life within them.

* They may also suffer from feeling indebted though. It's like they see something great about giving to someone. Whether it be their family, friends, people from their past, or anyone, they have this sense of constantly giving [and sometimes giving their all to something too].

* This is a bit of a stretch, but these people (when they're emotionally/mentally healthy) can be some of the most iconic individuals. I see a lot of icons with this placement.

- Jupiter in 9th 💎

* Most 9H Jupiter individuals are either the most open-minded or the most closed-minded people you'll ever meet. Their way of thinking and sense of higher-knowledge is unique. You could either find it easy or hard to speak to them because of the beliefs they have.

* In general though, they are thought-seeking people who just love experiencing things. From travelling, to dates, to debates, to talking about dreams, etc.

* Fortunately, they also have their Jupiter where Jupiter enjoys being placed. The 9th house is naturally a good house for Jupiter because Sagittarius rules the 9th house and Jupiter rules Sag, so these lucky-stars live life with a bit of ease, connecting comfortably with the abundance that Jupiter has to offer.

- Jupiter in 10th 💎

* People with Jupiter in 10th are really fortunate. Not only to have this placement because this is pretty much the best one, but to have fortune when it comes to their career and public life.

* They are perfectly fit for the career or jobs they would like, they gain a lot of experience (pleasant experience too) in their field of work, and are seen as admirable/have a prestigious position.

* Their life can be focused too much on their career though if they don't also dig deep into their roots and appreciate their loved ones, so it's best they try to balance it out to live a successful life.

- Jupiter in 11th 💎

* Having Jupiter in 11th house can mean you connect with a group or groups of people in quite a beneficial way. There is an abundance and fortune when it comes to you involving yourself with certain groups, the community, societies, or social media.

* So 11H Jupiter is a pretty favourable placement for people who would like to one day be famous. If you have Jupiter in 11th then connecting with a large mass of people, mainly on social media, should not be too difficult or harmful for you.

* Your goals and aspirations are also ones that don't become too difficult for you as the power of Jupiter makes reaching them pretty easy. So if you're aiming at something, it'd be best for you to push it. Jupiter is with you.

- Jupiter in 12th 💎

* Jupiter in 12th house people, from what I've seen, are pretty spiritual people who typically come across an abundance of karmic experiences or get to see and feel spiritual insights throughout their life a lot.

* They see the positivity and beauty in aligning with spirituality and connecting with the subconscious/retreats from the world and believe that they mainly find their fortune there (which they do).

* These people may, more often than not, find it hard not to dream wild or have a 'grand scale' image of what they want/the things they plan. They keep a lot of hope for the future in that sense. At the same time though, they may get deeply sad (but try to keep it hidden) because they're such hopeful beings; and that sometimes people don't understand them.

Side-note: Having a Jupiter in retrograde can make the advantageous energy that Jupiter gives off a bit wonky or not as efficient/powerful as it normally would, so there are some (not-so-good) side-effects that could come around in your life if you have Jupiter in retrograde.

[stargazer-balladeer]

Jealousy [Genshin Impact]

Characters Included: Aether, Albedo, Childe, Scaramouche, Xiao & Zhongli

Notes: Ngl,, this is a mess 🤣🤣 just like my mind- ;;w;; hope ya’ll like this!��

Reader’s Gender: Neutral

Warning: swearing in Scara’s part :(

Tagging: @genshin-obsessed

Aether isn’t a jealous-type at all, he trusts you that you won’t go behind his back. When he does get jealous, it’ll be either because he’s tired or someone interrupted his precious time with you or he just got back from his journey. But the one thing he hates the most is someone interrupting your date. 

His time with you is precious, every hour, every minute, every second, he cherishes them all. After all, he doesn’t know how much time he has, so he tries to make up every second in time with you. So if someone tries to interrupt his precious time with you, he’s pissed and pouty-

He’ll have a pout on his face as he glares at the person talking to you, wanting them to go away already. He doesn’t care if you reprimand him for scaring that person away, he doesn’t care if that person was important (like Jean or Diluc-), they're all the same in his eyes. When that person goes away, either scared or amused (Kaeya), Aether would immediately bring you into a hug as he peppers your neck with light kisses. 

If Aether sees that you are having fun with someone else, he can’t help but let his insecurity rise up. What if you left him for that person? What would he do with the shattered pieces of his heart? He’ll have a dark and sad look on his face, like a kicked puppy- he’ll walk away with his head hanging low. You better realize that Aether is gone or I swear I’ll--

Overall, his definition of jealousy is just being pissed by someone- 

“Tsk. That person really has the nerve to try to take away my time with you… I’m not jealous.”

Albedo, at first, would be confused at the sudden foreign feeling inside him when he sees you getting friendly with the other Knights. He doesn’t know what he’s feeling at that moment. Should he go there and drag you away? Why the sudden urge of kissing you in front of them? Why is his chest twisting painfully inside him? He really doesn’t understand-

He would consult Sucrose about it, and Sucrose concluded that he might be experiencing “Jealousy”. At first, he rejected the idea, saying it was a childish thing to experience. And that he has no time for that. But as the days pass, he soon realizes that Sucrose was indeed correct. 

Whenever someone would approach you, he would be staring (more like glaring) at them in the distance. His eyes would narrow if he sees that person casually touching you. But Albedo would only intervene if someone took it too far or if he sees that you’re uncomfortable. 

Albedo would never tell you that he’s jealous. It is kinda hard to see him jealous but the slightest change of his eyes and how his lips quirk into a dissatisfied frown made you realize that he’s jealous. Also, his mood sours if he’s jealous. He might ignore you for a while, don’t worry, he’s not mad! He’s just a bit pouty because he was just right there, why were you talking to that person?

Overall, won’t admit he’s jealous and might ignore you for a while.

“Why are you here? Shouldn’t you go back to that person? It seems like you two were having a pleasant conversation after all.”

Childe, similarly to Aether, is not a jealous type of person. Even if you try your best to make him jealous, it wouldn’t work. He can always see through your plan, so making him jealous purposely is always gonna fail. 

But here’s the thing. Childe is good at hiding his true emotions, the mask he has now was carefully carved and shaped by him. So he’s good at hiding his true motive, good at hiding his emotions, good at hiding his thoughts. This means that you wouldn’t know that he’s jealous. Though he’s still rarely jealous. He has a high pride towards himself that he wouldn’t get replaced easily. If there was ever a competition, he would happily compete with them for your heart- (competition and fights are what he lives for-)

He wouldn’t get jealous of you simply hanging out with someone, but if he sees that you’re having fun with the person. His jealousy meter is rising, he would hide in the shadows as he watches you and the person happily talking with each other. Once his jealousy meter reaches a certain meter, he would casually appear beside you and drag you away from that person while exclaiming that you two have something to do.

Like I said earlier, even if he was jealous, you can’t tell. So it’s 9 out of 10 chances that you were able to see his jealousy. If you tease him about it, he would just shut you up with a kiss- Also, there’s also this 50% chance that he’ll make out with you in front of the person. And he wouldn’t stop, he would just continue. You wouldn’t notice the person leaving, too caught up in your makeout session. When you two pull apart, he has a cocky smile on his face. 

Overall, secretly jealous but wouldn’t show it-

“There you are, sweetheart! I was searching for you everywhere! Come on! We have something to do! If you’ll excuse us, stranger, I’m going to have to steal away my (princess/prince)~”

It’s very obvious that he’s a jealous/possessive type. He would glare at anyone who dares to even go near you. No one can steal you away while he’s with you. Those who are stupidly brave (Childe-) will get zap by his Electro as Scaramouche drags you away while huffing. 

But he’s like this because he never has anyone to care for him before, your love is the only thing he has. Never has he experienced being loved before. He was despised by his fellow Harbingers and Fatui. He was hated by almost everyone he met. No one showed him any sort of affection unless they were simply using him for their own gain. You, who was undoubtedly naive and stupid to trust a Fatui Harbinger, manage to not only befriend him but make him fall in love with you. 

He gets jealous easily. Even if you two are the same gender, he’ll get jealous. He’ll immediately appear by your side and whisk you away, ignoring your complaints and the stare of the person. Sometimes, if someone is flirting with you, he’ll make out with you in front of them. Even though he doesn’t like kissing you in public, he will make this time an exception. The flustered look on the person’s face brings him such satisfaction-

Scaramouche would glare at that person who you’re talking to, doesn’t matter if you were the one who started the conversation, he would be seething with rage. How dare they talk to you?! Your attention and time should be spent on him! You might need to talk to him about his rather alarming behavior. After that, he’ll mellow down a bit. But that doesn’t stop his glares on that person. 

Overall,, even though he manages his anger issues, he’s still jealous if you spend time (even if it’s only a minute) on another person- 

“I told you to stop associating yourself with those low-life people, my beloved. You shouldn’t waste your breath on them……. Of course, I’m fucking jealous! You should’ve seen how they eyed you! I wanted to kill them on the spot for looking at you-” (chill scara- do you want some snickers-?) 

Xiao wouldn’t admit it but he’s jealous. He would rather die than ever admit that he’s jealous of you hanging out with your fellow mortals. Especially if you are on your way to meet him and a person starts to talk to you, somewhere, Xiao is glaring at the person and you are talking with a small pout on his face. He might not appear to you at all unless you decided to give him some Almond Tofu. 

Similar to Scaramouche, he never felt love before and doesn’t care much about it. He thought it was weak to love somebody, imagining giving everything up just for one person? Gross. But when Xiao met you for the first time, he thought time stopped. At that moment, he knew he would make you his. You manage to capture his heart just by appearing in front of him, so take full responsibility-

You can immediately tell if he’s jealous because he has a scary face on with an (adorable) pout. He’ll glare half-heartedly at you, grumbling that you should go back to whoever that was. Even though he acts like a baby at that moment, he was just insecure. You were a mortal, he was an Adepti. You can die any time while he lived for millennia now. Wouldn’t you prefer to date a mortal like yourself? One who will grow old with you, one who isn’t as cold-hearted as him? You might need to reassure him again-

Xiao trusts you, yes, but he doesn’t trust the mortals much. He actually prefers if you spend your time with someone like the Traveller, one he knows and trusts. He’s just being wary and cautious. Don’t worry. Even if someone decides to corner you in an alleyway or somewhere, Xiao would be there immediately, raging with fury-  

Overall, an overprotective, insecure baby that gets jealous if you don’t notice him-

“Did that mortal harm you? I saw how they grab you.. They should pay for their sins- how dare they hurt someone like you.” 

Zhongli is also not much of a jealous-type. He trusts you whole-heartedly and allows you to talk to anyone freely. He would only be alarmed if that person makes you uncomfortable or decides to harm you in any way. But other than that, he lets you be. As long as you return home in one piece.

But he would be annoyed if someone (its always Childe-) decides to interrupt your date. He prefers having alone time with you because he is constantly busy with work. He would not-so-subtly try to shoo away that person. But if you intervene and let them stay, he decides to let them be. But be prepared to have another date tomorrow to make-up the date ruined.

Even if he’s jealous, you couldn’t tell. He just his usual face on, with a rather malice smile on his face. If you look away for even a second, the person you’re talking to is already gone when you return your head. You blink, a bit offended at that person for suddenly leaving in the middle of the conversation. While Zhongli besides you just pat your head. (shh.. You don’t need to know that he scared off that person,, it’s our little secret-)

BUT! His jealousy will only show if you spend the entire day with another person, and completely ignoring him- when you return home, prepare for your punishment for spend your day with another person and not giving him his daily dose of kisses-

Overall, a rather calm guy that rarely gets jealous

“How rude. You’ve been ignoring me the whole day, and yet you spend your entire time with another. I’m your lover, am I not? And to add to the wound, you forgot to kiss me. Oh well, guess it’s time to get them now.”

[x] Main Page || [x] Mondstadt Page || [x] Liyue Page || [x] Fatui Harbingers Page

[taechaos]

No More

from Textbook Love drabble series

pairing: bully!Jungkook x nerdy!fem!Reader

genre: dark romance, college au

synopsis: Perhaps love isn’t all you need to be with Jungkook. Maybe it's a sign you and him weren't meant to be.

warnings: fluff, daddy kink, public sex, degredation, mild angst

word count: 6.7k

a/n: dedicated to a good old gemini, known as pretzel anon. happy birthday! this was shit! 💞 can someone let me know if i made a stupid mistake i was really high while writing this lol

If every couple goes at their own pace, how does one know if the relationship is rushed or a slow burn? What is considered a date, and how many do you have to go on to stop calling it a date? Maybe there’s a book called Dating for Dummies.

Jungkook has taken you out once: a fast food meal on the curb across your campus. Romance is subjective, so you thought it to be very romantic when he fed you a french fry under the streetlights while you were too stuffed to finish your food. “I paid for it,” he’d said, “so you have to eat it all.”

“I’ll eat anything from your hand,” you’d replied bashfully. He got a bit awkward after that, and you regretted saying it until he began feeding you and even holding your drink to your mouth. It was a successful first date, but you wanted it to last longer; feel your heartbeat out of rhythm with every smile he threw at you until the sun came up. Unfortunately for you, he walked you to your dorm a little after dinner.

Luckily for you, you know that wasn’t your first and last date. You’re going to ask him out for the second one because it’s a beautiful day outside and you’ve studied all morning for your finals to clear up your schedule for Jungkook. A walk in the park sounds nice, then a picnic, maybe he’ll even hold your hand! Is it too soon for another date though? It’s only been less than a day… 

You’re wearing your favorite outfit for the occasion: a pale blue floral dress that has a rectangular collar on the chest—without cleavage, God forbid—and sandal heels to match. You even styled your hair, and hopefully dressing to impress works; you don’t want him to say no. The current issue is finding Jungkook, and you don’t want to be that person, but you’re avoiding calling him in case you bust him with another girl by searching instead. It makes you guilty for having trust issues, but infidelity has its impacts.

Regardless of your internal concerns, you’re happily humming as you skip on the sidewalk, checking every corner for a certain someone. So far no such luck, and if he isn’t in his dorm, and if he doesn’t go off campus on Sundays, where could he be? In someone else’s dorm…?

“Stop,” you scold yourself with a roll of your eyes and continue your hunt. Next location: the back of the building. The front is cleared out, so is the dorm; what’s happening in the most secretive area? “God,” you sigh. Is this how your thinking process has always been? You hope it is.

The beat in your steps has gone missing when you’re rounding the exterior of the building because of your reluctance. You’re contemplating calling him until you see the back of a man with a girl in front of him by the benches, presumably kissing from the smacking noises. You clench your phone in your dress pocket as you watch them, hesitant to find out who the guy is.

“Jun–” Your voice goes quiet when you see the tattoo of a dragon on his shoulder, peeking out from his black loose tank top. It’s not Jungkook’s tattoo. You bite your lip and ignore the relief in your tight muscles; he’s dating you now, that’s what he said. It’s different, so there’s no point in worrying about his loyalty. 

You shake your hands off and walk faster to the taboo spot. There’s no point in worrying, there isn’t, not when he told you he would make it up to you. There’s no reason for your heart to race from expecting the worst when you make the final turn.

A shaky breath leaves you and a small smile follows when you see him smoking with his friends by the back exit. There are four people with him, Taehyung included, who is sharing a cigarette with him. He notices you first because he’s facing you whereas Jungkook is facing the clear forest across. He waves you over with a wide grin, his eyes lighting up.

“I see a pretty girl at 9 o’clock,” Taehyung says and Jungkook turns his head, the rest following his lead. You take tiny strides while approaching them and bite down on a shy smile.

“Hi,” you greet in a small voice. Your eyes immediately lock with Jungkook’s, who looks baffled.

“Hey yourself,” Taehyung greets back. “Care to share?” He holds a burning cigarette out to you with a slight bow, as if offering you a rose.

“She doesn’t smoke,” Jungkook answers for you without looking away. Is he displeased?

“Have you ever tried it?” he persists before inhaling the stick and blowing it in your face. You cough and hold a fist to your mouth, shaking your head. Jungkook slaps the back of his head before taking the cigarette from him and putting it out on the wall he’s leaning against. “You owe me a whole pack now.”

“Care to introduce us?” a guy you don’t know asks curiously. 

“Oh, right–”

Jungkook cuts him off before putting names onto the three strangers’ faces, Namjoon being the one who asked for the introduction, and when he comes to you, he says, “Meet… my girlfriend.”

“Thought you said she was a lousy nerd, Taehyung,” Yoongi comments before chugging from his flask. “Doesn’t look like it to me.” Taehyung chuckles uncomfortably before rubbing the nape of his neck as you tilt your head at him, the glint in your eyes never fading at Jungkook’s words.

“I didn’t get a close look at her before, didn’t know she was a real beauty,” he recovers with a flirt. Another slap on the back of his head. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Seokjin diverts the topic. He appears very nice and seems to be the only one not smoking. His friendly smile puts you at ease and you politely tell him, “The pleasure is all mine.” Good first impression on all of Jungkook’s friends: check.

Your boyfriend ignores the interaction and stares at you until you gaze at him as well. “What are you doing here?” You can’t read his expression.

“I wanted to ask you…” you play with your fingers nervously, “if you wanted to go to the park with me?”

Jungkook quirks a brow as Namjoon and Seokjin wiggle their brows, Taehyung frowns, and Yoongi smirks. Quite brave of you to ask him out in front of his smoker friends, and it’s impressive that you play into such a role of textbook love: only caring about what your crush thinks. When Jungkook peeks to see their reactions, more or less weighing their judgement, he’s satisfied when he realizes none of them give a flying fuck about him being with a girl next door; someone outside of his type of rather than a free escort, really. 

He doesn’t care about what they think when he smiles down at you and says, “Let’s go.” You bounce on your heels when he swings his arm over your shoulder and walks away from the scene. The unsteady heartbeat is back for the same reason as last time, but you’re waiting to request something else.

The park near the university is peaceful with groups of friends hanging out; couples sitting on benches; the sun shining down on the trees and grass as you aim for the ice cream stand. You try to muster up the courage to ask him first, but you’re feeling courageous as you pull away from his arm and instead latch onto his hand and intertwine your fingers. You glance at him with a blush to see his reaction, but he doesn’t look at you and only squeezes your hand nonchalantly. His grip is tighter than yours. Maybe it’s from the heat, but his cheeks are tinted in a light pink shade. 

You stumble on your heels when you stare at him for too long, but you recover from a fall last second. He holds onto you anyway, furrowing his brows at your shoes. “High heels? Are you trying to reach my height?”

“You like them,” you giggle and continue your struts more carefully. When he frowns, you worry, “Do I not look good in them?” 

“Why would I like them if you can’t walk in them? You look pretty in flats too.” 

After a whole afternoon of eating ice cream, blushing at anything nice Jungkook said, listening to his music while sitting under the sun, the evening has come. Throughout the day, you were dreading the end of it because every second with him is so enjoyable. The warmth of his hand when you play with his fingers is a feeling you never want to forget, and you didn’t notice the little smile on his face when you were lying on his chest as he watched you do the most endearing and innocent thing one could think of. 

“So precious,” he’d thought. It makes the argument from yesterday feel all the more terrifying when he remembers how close he had gotten to losing this moment. It’s nothing he’s ever experienced or even seen before; plain jackpot.

You’re off the school grounds as you walk on the streets passing cafés with Jungkook, hands locked and feeling perfect. You wonder if he has ever done this with anyone before, but then he’s never been in a relationship. Who are the people that comment in his Instagram posts then? A question strikes you, and you admire his side profile as you ask, “You don’t like it when people call you– Ah!” Your balance wavers as you stumble again, this time falling on your knees after your ankle bends. With the pain tolerance of a baby’s, your eyes instantly water and you let go of his hand as you hold onto your ankle. It’s sprained.

“Shit, are you okay?” He crouches down and picks you up bridal style before sitting you down on a nearby chair. The café’s lights allow him to see the scrape on your knee and the bump on your ankle. “Hey, hey, don’t cry now,” he rubs your injury soothingly as he cringes at your tears. He doesn’t know how to comfort you as you whimper and sniffle. 

“Damn these heels,” you cry quietly. 

His eyebrows shoot up in surprise at your wording. “This is my second time hearing you swear. Swearing apparently helps with pain though. Say ‘fuck’.”

A chuckle leaves your mouth, but you decide to try it anyway; the throbbing muscle hurts too much. “F-Fuck.”

“Fuck these heels,” he encourages.

“Fuck these fucking heels,” you level. Maybe the theory is correct, because it feels slightly better when he laughs at your rare vulgarity. A minute passes with you trying to keep your tears at bay while he lightly massages your wound.

When he notices you calm down, he asks, “I don’t like it when people call me…?”

You sniffle and rub your eyes before saying a few seconds later, “Daddy.”

He blinks, stares at you, and his heart skips a beat. With your soft pout and red nose, you look so little to him. “... Yes?”

“Huh?”

“Oh,” he smoothly snaps out of his shock, “I don’t have that kink… Um, say it again?”

“Daddy?” 

It sounds different hearing it from you. Without the drawn out whine or the eggplant emoji next to it, and with your voice, it actually sounds cute. “What does that word mean to you?” he shifts the conversation with a subtle blush.

“I don’t know. You call a fatherly figure daddy, right? A man who takes care of you. People say it during sex too. You’re being a daddy right now.”

“Stop,” he warns lowly, “we’re in public.” He stands up from his kneeling position and picks you up in his arms again. “Have you ever called anyone that?” 

You clasp your hands behind his neck as he walks with ease, as if he isn’t carrying anyone in the first place. “No. My dad walked out on my mom when I was little, and I haven’t met anyone who treats me like you do.”

“Wait, you… think of me as your… daddy?” His eyes are wide and he’s gaping at the path in front of him with knitted brows. He looks so intimidating when you scrutinize his features, but you know he’s just flustered. You timidly nod against his shoulders. “Christ. Why?”

Your answer isn’t immediate because you don’t want to come off as too strong, but he’s impatient as he squeezes your waist. “I know you don’t want people to call you that,” you whisper understandingly, “but you’re so mean to others, and you hurt anyone who upsets you.” He rolls his tongue around his cheek uncomfortably. “Whether it be with words or actions. But you’re so sweet to me… You can be really rude, but you care a lot too. You don’t even smoke around me,” you laugh lightheartedly. 

“I mean, you are a baby. You make it difficult to not treat you like one,” he jokes with a hint of truth. You snuggle into his neck with a lopsided grin and your breath fans his tan skin. “I don’t like being an asshole to you, but I’m not exactly a nice person either.”

“You’re carrying me to my dorm,” you point out as a counter.

“I’m only nice to you; somewhat. And… I don’t like being called daddy by horny women, or men for that matter. I’ve never liked it, so I’m not exactly sure why I’m hard right now.” You tense against him. “Something about your sweet, innocent voice calling me daddy is really fucking hot.” He sighs to collect his thoughts; he can’t wait until he’s in your room. It would just be torture. “Did you get on birth control, baby?” He keeps his volume low in case of someone eavesdropping.

“Yes,” you mumble and grow nervous at what he’s thinking.

“Good girl,” he exhales and swiftly enters an empty alley between two restaurants. “Quite the slut too, telling me all this in a crowd.”

“I’m sorry,” you breathe as he presses you against the wall and has you wrapping your legs around his waist. He’s so thoughtful, carrying you even when he’s shaming you so you don’t put pressure on your injured foot. The shadows casting from the walls in the narrow space limits your vision, but you don’t need to see anything when he’s doing all the work by rendering you immobile from the press of his hips.

“Good choice with the dress,” he says while pulling out his belt and releasing the buckle. You hold onto him tightly without the security of his hands. He pushes his jeans down and has you towering over him by adjusting your position from the back of your thighs. Your breathing is quick and shallow from the anxious anticipation of the raw stretch, but he’s so nice to you today: he shoves your panties to the side and rubs your folds to collect your arousal as lube. He’s being thoughtful by relaxing your walls with his fingers first, and you bite down on a moan at the sensation. He’s still taking care of you by silencing you with a bruising kiss. 

“Thank you,” you sigh against his lips. His two knuckles are deep inside you as they curl and scissor. As nice as he is, he’s also very impatient and it’s not long before you feel his tip lightly poking at your entrance. 

“Ideal for a quick fuck.” He flashes a dazzling smile before it falters in order to concentrate on positioning himself. He closes his eyes and bites his lip as he slowly enters you, a lot more gentle considering the setting and knowing how vocal you get. A hum rumbles in his throat as you gasp when he’s halfway inside. When he bottoms out, he waits a few seconds for you to adjust before his rough nature returns. “You gonna stay quiet for me, little girl?”

“I’ll try.” Your heart is pounding in your chest when he leans in your ear, his breath tickling your neck. 

“You know that’s not what I wanna hear,” he whispers. He isn’t going to fuck you until you say what he wants, and your diffidence doesn’t make an appearance when his fingers are digging so hard into your thighs, his breath is hot on your skin, and he’s completely nestled inside you.

You lean into his ear as well, and meekly say, “I’ll try my best, daddy.” You can feel him shiver under your hands and hear him grunt, “God,” before he starts moving. Fast. You’d think he’s in a rush from how his pace picked up so quickly—roughly—but he may have just discovered his new kink. 

There’s no point in being quiet when the slam of his cock is enough noise deep in the alley, and he realizes that before you do. You’re bouncing in his arms, mouth open in a silent scream with only huffs leaving to not expose your doings, until he growls, “Say it again. Again and again.”

The chilly breeze from the night weather doesn’t affect you when he has you flush against him, and heat creeps all over your body not only from his hard and impatient thrusts but also from his words. “Daddy,” you whine, the same drawn out whine that he used to hate hearing; it makes his abs contract and clench now, a groan catching in his throat. He sounds almost animalistic, and your eyes screw back in pleasure. 

“Quiet, you fucking slut,” he reminds with a following moan. 

“I-I’m sorry, daddy,” you whisper in a strained voice. You can’t keep your vocal cords steady when he’s knocking the breath out of you every time he hits your cervix so deliciously. Jungkook’s a total paradox when he’s being so aggressive yet sweet at the same time, but it feels too good for you to complain. Your head is in the clouds when he bites on your shoulder to practice what he preaches: being quiet. 

“Do you love me?” Maybe that’s not the way you should go on about asking to hear his sweet nothings, because he bites you so hard that you feel his teeth break your skin. 

“The fuck kind of question is that?” he snarls. He licks a drop of your blood off of his lips when he faces you, but the bruising pistoning of his cock doesn’t differ; maybe slams into you even harder. “Hm? Answer me, dumb little slut.” He pinches your thigh cruelly, emitting a pained gasp from you.

 “I just want to hear you say it, please daddy,” you mewl. “I love you so much.”

“Keep fucking begging.”

You initially thought Jungkook became more honest and affectionate when you’re being intimate, but it seems that one word brings out a different side to him: wild and sadistic. Perhaps there are two sides of him being a daddy, one not so much of a fatherly figure. Controlling, dominating, and violent. You’ve received too many bruises in one night.

“Please, please, please, pretty please,” you comply in a cry and hug him tighter.

“Missing something,” he tuts with a breathless laugh. “I love you, stupid girl, more than anything.” He stops ramming into you, and the drag of his throbbing length loses its pace but not its strength. “So, so fucking much,” he strains before slamming into you one last time for his release. With him stuck brushing against your sensitive spot and his shaky moan, your lashes flutter and you clench down on him with the intoxicating wave of your orgasm coursing through your trembling figure. You whimper his name as his cum fills you, the warmth coating your walls while you lose your sense of awareness. 

“Stand on one leg,” he breathes. You know he’s referring to your safe foot, so you disentangle your legs from his waist and stand. The only sound aside from the drown out dialogues from the restaurants nearby is your panting. Though he’s just as drained of energy as you are, he adjusts your dress and underwear for you, even fixing your hair before he pulls up his pants and lifts you. “Don’t call me that around others by the way– especially Taehyung.”

“I promise,” you assure with a chuckle.

The next day, a dreadful Monday, is not so bad when you get to link with your boyfriend and other friends by your usual spot on the benches. You don’t have a lot of lectures throughout the day, and you sit next to Jungkook who’s chatting with Taehyung and Yoongi after your long morning lecture in the afternoon. You peck his cheek as a greeting with a lovesick grin, and the former annoyed look on his face vanishes when he sees you. Soyeon and Minnie are close by, and thankfully there’s no tension between anyone. You’re forgiving, but you aren’t going to forget.

“So you two are actually back together, huh?” Taehyung says with a mocking smile. “What goes around comes around, Kookie.”

“Taehyung, you’re not making this any easier on yourself,” Yoongi murmurs.

Jungkook scoffs and rolls his tongue around his cheek—an irritated habit. “Well then Tae, I’m going to be polite and ask you to not be a homewrecker.”

“I have been hanging around Soyeon too much lately…” he jokes with a tilt of his head.

“Don’t turn this on me,” she says with a quirked brow, tone as soft as Jungkook remembers. You sit back and sigh at their bickering. “I didn’t know his name, you have no excuse to be flirting with her.”

“He isn’t–” You can’t get a word in when Jungkook agrees, “She’s fucking right, you know. Stop tailing around me to get a look up at her skirt.”

“I am not–"

“Oh for God’s sake,” Yoongi sighs like you do. Both of you share a guilty look, apologizing on each other’s behalf. It’s only when you start tracing the tattoos on Jungkook’s arm that he finally looks at you.

“You like it?” he asks, a bit smugly. You nod with a tiny smile. His tongue darts out to lick his lips before he pecks yours, and says, “I’ll add your name to the collection. Thinking of inking my knuckles.”

A blush from his kiss, and a bashful smile from his idea graces your face when you cutely pout, “No…” He laughs at your very obviously fake denial and closes in on you, teasing in a whisper, “Yeah? You like that?”

“Look at you two being so adorable,” Taehyung interrupts with a dreamy sigh, “but I want ice cream.” He holds his hands up by his elbows on the oak table and leans his face on them with fluttering eyelashes. “Kookie? Ice cweam? Pwease?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Jungkook winces at the disgustingly cutesy face he makes, and you release a humoured breath at the friendlier banter. “Go buy it yourself, moron.”

“I don’t have money and I want her tea on how you two made up,” he flutters his lashes again with his fingers intertwined; begging so silly. “Pretty please.”

“Now I’m definitely not going to leave you alone with her.”

“Baby,” you interject, and his eyes widen at the nickname. “I want ice cream too.”

He flashes a quick glare at Taehyung, easily giving into your needs with a sigh. “You’re paying, fuckface.” He snatches his wallet the moment it’s out of his pocket and walks off while spinning it between his fingertips.

“He stole my fucking wallet,” he frowns without offence. “Oh well. So…” his eyes trail to you with a mischievous glint, “you never smoked before, right?”

You shake your head, a bit curious—albeit amused—as to where he’s going with this. 

“You wanna know something? Jungkook reeeaaally likes smokers,” he stretches his hands for emphasis. It piques your interest, and you raise a brow. “I can teach you. We have to do it fast, before he comes from the store. Okay?”

“Um… okay,” you laugh as he switches seats from across you to Jungkook’s spot. 

He takes out his pack where his lighter is also stuffed as he speaks, “So what I’m gonna do is teach you how to shotgun.”

“You can’t do that with a cigarette,” Yoongi states in boredom, a plain contrast to Taehyung’s hyperactivity. “Don’t listen to him. He’s lying to you.”

“Oh, shut the fuck– okay, sorry, didn’t mean to say that.” He turns to you with glimmering excitement, “It’ll be easier on you if we do it with a shotgun.” You merely shrug because you don’t even know what that means. He sticks a cigarette in his mouth before holding up a hand to his lighter, inhaling until the tip burns. Smoke flies past his lips as he explains, “You inhale from the filter, but don’t inhale too much. You’re going to cough, maybe feel a little lightheaded since it’s your first time, but try to hold it in, okay?” 

Taehyung peeks behind Yoongi before shifting his attention to you. He takes another drag from the cigarette but doesn’t exhale. “Okay,” you say with a nod, sharing his excitement at a new experience that Jungkook could potentially approve of. You can rely on Taehyung’s honesty, though the bad memory from before leaves a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach, but you’re ready to create better memories with him. He flips the stick until the filter is between your lips.

He wraps his lips around the tip and your eyebrows shoot up at the proximity. He holds your face between his large palms, and the cigarette is hidden behind his hands. He leans closer and nods at you, and you take the cue to inhale. You hear Yoongi blow out a deep breath just as you take in a shallow one. The urge to cough strikes you instantly, and you hold it in the best you can; your cheeks puff out as you slightly wheeze, and smoke leaves from both your mouth and nose. That’s when Taehyung pulls back, the intense eye contact gone, and you hear Yoongi scoff and the heavy footsteps of someone else. You cough into your hand when Taehyung slips it out of your mouth and holds it under the table.

“What the fuck?” Jungkook asks incredulously and throws three wrapped popsicles on the bench. You feel slightly dizzy when your small coughing fit ends, and you grow confused as to why your boyfriend is glaring at you with such intensity as his eyes flicker back and forth between you and Taehyung.

“Had to take you up on the homewrecker offer–” Taehyung’s sentence is cut off when Jungkook pulls him up by his collar, hesitates with his fist flying midway, then forcefully pushes him onto the pavement instead. He’s also confused– frantic, and doesn’t know what to do.

You’re semi-conscious of what he’s doing, but consuming nicotine for the first time leaves you feeling quite strange. You feel like you’ll stumble if you try to stand up, and slur if you speak, so you just wait it out.

“What– Why are you just sitting there?” he asks you with violent gestures. “What the fuck?” He holds onto his head, and all of your friends are quiet as they watch him. They must have missed you smoking for the first time. Yoongi waits for him to stop pacing.

“It’s not what you think, Jungkook,” Yoongi calmly tells him. What is he thinking though? “I know it looked–”

“The fuck it did! Right fucking in front of me? How the fuck are you so calm?” he yells. 

“Hm?” you say. He watches you in astonishment: bottom lip jutting out and brows scrunched. If he didn’t see you shamelessly kissing Taehyung out in the open, he would be doubting his own vision because of how unbothered you seem. It bewilders him; why aren’t you reacting at all?

“They weren’t–”

“It took almost one fucking week of dating for you to resort to this?” Taehyung is still on the ground as he sends you a warning glance, Yoongi is unbothered by the ordeal because he’s constantly interrupted, and Jungkook is fuming at you while you just sit there.

“I was just curious,” you relate to the cigarette that is still lit beneath the grass next to Taehyung.

An astounded laugh is his only response as Taehyung smiles at you, but you’re only looking at Jungkook. “And here I thought, like a fucking idiot, that you were the only girl unlike my mother. And you,” he looks at his old friend with menace, “show your face around me, and I won’t hold back again. God, I need to kill someone,” he sighs before storming off. So he doesn’t like cigarettes?

When the fog in your mind begins to clear up, you stand to go after him just as Taehyung blocks your path. “I need to tell him I won’t smoke again,” you try to push him aside, but he doesn’t budge.

He laughs. “It’s not about that. He thinks you and I kissed because I made it look like it.” Just as you’re about to confront him, he clarifies, “Listen, I just want his reaction on this, okay? Don’t you want him to feel how you felt when he kissed your friend?”

“I’m over that.”

“Are you though?” No, you aren’t. “Aren’t you paranoid? All nervous when he’s around other girls? Or even when he’s just not around you?” Your silence prompts him to continue, “You’ll truly forgive him if you take revenge. You know he won’t do it again if he feels the same way you felt.”

“But that’s cruel…” you try to reason.

“And what he did wasn’t?” 

Like the little devil on your shoulder, he enters your mind and reads it for his own agenda. What is his intention? Do what he couldn’t do with his ex? Is he… helping you? What he did was bad, so why aren’t you calling him out for it?

“What do I do?” you dodge his question. He knows the answer anyway.

He smiles with satisfaction. “Let’s talk it over a few cigarettes, hm?”

Back to square one– no, square zero. At square one, you could at least interact with Jungkook, do his homework and have him kiss you when he was satisfied; you don’t have anything to do with him now. Taehyung warned you of this, told you Jungkook would start seeing other people and avoid you unless he wanted to hurt you. How he knows him so well is beyond you, because that’s exactly what happens in the next four days.

You watch him from afar like before, see that scowl on his face that you haven’t seen in a long time after you met. Only two aspects have changed: the eye contact and Taehyung’s lack of presence around him. Jungkook’s eyes are always on you, filled with so much disdain and hatred, even when he’s kissing another girl. Smoking stops you from crying because of how dizzy you get, and Taehyung is always with you – waiting. Both of you are waiting for Jungkook to do something, and it’s a surprise Taehyung still hasn’t been beaten to a pulp for just talking to you.

Maybe it’s a sign that you and him weren’t meant to be. In the span of a short while when you were together, only problems have surfaced. So much misery and anger in a relationship isn’t normal; it’s toxic. But you wait anyway.

“Look at him glaring at you with a girl on his lap,” Taehyung chuckles before lighting up his cigarette. He’s leaning on the wall next to the campus entrance with you.

“Nothing new,” you croak and take a drag from yours, coughing again. It’s déjà vu, if anything. One has to learn from their mistakes to reach success, right? This situation is just one of them for the better of your relationship. Has to be. 

“Worldstar,” he sings with a laugh. “I kind of miss hanging out with him, though; and the rest of my friends.”

“Yeah.” You can’t exactly pay your utmost attention to his words when you’re having a staring contest with Jungkook, who is practically devouring the unidentified girl’s mouth. It doesn’t sting as much as long as he has his eyes on you because you know what it means now: he’s trying to make you jealous. You didn’t know that before, but you didn’t know Jungkook as well as you do now before either. 

“I know what you’re thinking.”

“You somehow always do.”

Your reply humors him. “You want to go up to him, tell him what I did. But you know I’ll stop you.” His eyes squint as his cheeks hollow to inhale the nicotine. It’s a Marlboro Red, not exactly fit for a starter like yourself. You hate that you can’t even stand without using the wall as a leverage, but the effect is a necessary distraction.

 “Why are you… so invested in this?”

He shrugs. “It may not seem like it, but it’s going to help strengthen your bond. It also gives you enough time to stop liking him and fall for me instead, but that’s just a plus.”

“What?” you slur. The cigarette is hanging on for dear life between your fingertips because of how weak you feel.

“We should kiss– for real this time,” he blurts. “He’ll talk to you sooner. God, I really want to kiss you.” He drops his stick before grabbing your face and softly crashing his lips against yours. You don’t close your eyes, you don’t really do much of anything while he does what he wants. It goes on for twenty seconds before he slowly pulls back. “He’ll talk to you tonight,” he exhales. “You’re welcome.” He pecks you again.

You finally close your eyes and your head hangs limply. “You’re the real problem,” you murmur, “you keep tearing us apart. The villain.”

“That kiss was on me,” he admits, “but I’m just making you face reality. Sometimes you have to be the bad guy, right? Only reason I can smoke with you is because Jungkook cares a fuckton about me. I’ll make it up to you as well, when your relationship isn’t a fucking lie.”

Couples go at their own pace, don’t they? Maybe this is how long it’s supposed to take for you to be one with your betrayed boyfriend. This is the real beginning; Taehyung is just the catalyst. 

You see it when Taehyung is gone and Jungkook isn’t kissing back anymore. He isn’t even glaring. He’s just blank.

Perhaps love isn’t all you need to be with Jungkook.

It’s late in the evening and the nicotine still hasn’t worn off. You haven’t moved an inch from your spot and neither has Jungkook from a distance, still on the same curb across. The girl left when she didn’t receive any responses from him for a minute straight. An emotionless “fuck off” was enough for her to angrily storm off.

You have no idea where Taehyung went and you’re sitting on the ground with your knees to your chest and hands on your sides. Jungkook is staring at you from the bench. You just need to wait because he’s going to approach you like his friend told you.

People aren’t in the yard so it’s mostly empty in the open space. The lights from the streets and inside the building you have your back against don’t allow you to see your boyfriend clearly enough. He doesn’t have an issue with making out your features though. That kicked puppy expression on your face is drawing him, but he hasn’t been cruel enough.

It’s been difficult treating you like shit, so he doesn’t bother. It’s pathetic anyway, more pathetic than having smeared lip gloss on his mouth that he hasn’t wiped off. He knows he shouldn’t be so immature – he’s twenty years old. He’s old enough to be able to communicate, but no one’s been making it easy for him.

He has to decide whether he wants to be with you or just end it all before he feels any worse. 

As the saying goes, no pain – no gain.

Jungkook slides down the wall and sits next to you after trudging in your way. It’s silent at first, and he doesn’t return your gaze when you look at him. You wait, and so does he. But he’s more impatient than you are; more hurt. 

“What did you see in him, for God’s sake?” His voice is tired; words merely a sigh. You stay patient. “I mean, right after I opened up to you? Why?”

“I was paranoid,” you croak quietly, as if you’re about to faint, “terrified of you being with someone else. Maybe if you felt what I felt…”

He lightly shakes his head. “No, you didn’t think of that on your own. You didn’t kiss him either.” You lean your head on his shoulder. “You didn’t want to smoke, didn’t want any of this to happen. What are you doing, my love?”

You sigh. “I didn’t do anything. I don’t do anything.” The issue is that you let yourself be manipulated and molded into anything Jungkook likes, but he’s never told you what he likes. “All I know is loving you. That’s it,” you shrug tiredly, “that’s all I do. Everything I do, I do for you.”

“I’ll ask you for one thing– okay, two. Scrub your fucking lips and never talk to that piece of shit again. I’m not friends with good people,” he turns to you, “I don’t want you around them. I’m stuck in a constant cycle of toxicity and you’re the only good fucking thing in my life right now. I don’t want you to smoke or talk with my friends.”

“Then why do you?”

He stammers, “I-I’m used to it, I don’t fucking know. I know how to protect myself, but you’re too… untainted for them. Look at us, we don’t even fucking dress similarly. You and I have nothing in common.” He huffs to himself and looks up to the sky. “If you know what’s good for you–”

“You are good for me,” you interject.

“Don’t fucking lie to yourself,” he scoffs at you, “I’m anything but good for you. Do I give a fuck though? No. I’m selfish, and I don’t want to lose you. But if you–”

“I don’t.”

“Okay.”

Another moment of silence passes. He’s the one to break it again. “I don’t want to have an issue like this ever again. No more infidelity, or whatever the fuck, no more silence. Communication, right?”

“Right. And no more getting involved with your social life.”

“Thank you,” he bows his head and licks his lips with a sigh. “I can’t deal with this again. I don’t want to leave like my dad, whore around like my mom; I just want to have normal fucking relationship problems.” His anxiety translates to his body language: nibbling, knee bouncing, cracking knuckles. He doesn’t like to talk about his family, friends or even you. You’re calmer in comparison. “Tell me… we’ll start over.”

“I’m not resetting my love for you,” you playfully nudge him.

The corner of his mouth curls. “Not like that. Let’s go back to you doing my homework.”

“Really?”

“I missed a fucking assignment today, okay?” he laughs. “I want to forget about all of this sad shit, you ever meeting my friends, Sooyen or whatever, all of it. Just you and me, okay?”

“Set our own pace,” you add with a nod. “No one interfering with our… bullshit.”

“Don’t fucking swear,” he puts a hand over your mouth and pushes your face with a wide grin. You giggle with him. 

Now that Taehyung and Soyeon’s over, there’s nothing left to chance with the involvement of someone else. Trust blooms instead, and it’s not so bad when Jungkook shares a cigarette with you as you take tiny puffs per his instruction. You are safe with him; not dizzy, lightheaded, manipulated, nothing. 

You’re happy, and so is he. Maybe that was the intention, but it means nothing. Taehyung sought vengeance through your relationship, and that’s that. No one can hold Jungkook against you when he’s in the palm of your hands, ready to tell you more than anyone else can offer. 

Jungkook’s love and trust: check.

When he flicks off the ash of his cigarette, you snuggle into him and whisper, “I love you daddy.” His ring glimmers under the moonlight as he pets your hair.

“Love you more, babygirl.”

[lunaastoir]

fluff/relationships w the liyue crew

characters included: xiao, childe, beidou, and zhongli

ik i forgot ningguang i promise i’ll include her in part 2, i just didn’t have time :(

all x a gn! reader 

my liyue babies :,) ft. ningguang in spirit

an: i was listening to my soft playlist (more like listening to cupid’s chokehold on repeat, no i am not basic 🔪) and i thought some fluff headcanons would be cute w these sweet people

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xiao

ok so no surprise that he hates liyue harbor

he hates anything w a lot of people in it so he prefers to stay at wangshu inn tyvm

but by contrast, you love liyue harbor sm (it’s gorgeous i mean c’mON)

you go there often to retrieve your commissions in order to stay closer to xiao (liyue harbor is closer than mondstadt he argues but you’re well aware that they’re both equally far away)

so if anyone asked, xiao would absolutely refuse to go to the harbor like i hate people??? why would you even ask???

but,,,he’s so sOFT for you

if you asked??? he would agree in a heartbeat

but since he’s >:( angsty boy, he makes you think that he won’t go even when he’s already decided that he’s coming w you

he puts up the “if you so require, then i guess i will assist you with your travels in liyue harbor” but in reality he would definitely have said yes even without the almond tofu

while he hates the harbor, he thinks that with you anything is bearable :,) simp

you take him to see xinyan to vibe w her music and you can tell he really enjoys it

even tho he’s like 🕴 the entire time, you see the softer look on his face and the very slight smile on his lips as he listens to the music and watches the crowd

so so so cute very soft for him

i do see him as a subtly touchy person in public like brushing the hair off your face, swiping his thumb across your cheek, or gently pulling your hair back when you have a plate of food in your hands 

the type to link your pinkies together - he claims it’s so you don’t get lost but yk better 

after the concert is done you take him to that one waypoint near mt. tianheng and the both of you just watch the city lights and the way they reflect beautifully on the water surrounding the harbor 

personal headcanon that xiao absolutely loves stargazing since he believes the stars are the one true constant in his life especially since he’s experienced so much loss (basically they’ll never leave him god i hate myself why do i make everything SAD)

mini headcanon off of that - he doesn’t stargaze with people,,, like ever 

it’s something he loves to do alone so the fact that he lets you stargaze w him and even allows you to shift your head onto his lap while you watch the sky is a huge deal 

he loves it when you softly whisper abt how your day was or something you saw that made you laugh 

he just loves hearing your voice, it automatically calms the voices in his head 

you absolutely ADORE when he has flowers in his hair especially cecilias (cecillias? ceccillias? idfk) and you make a point whenever you go to mondstadt to pick a fresh batch of cecilias just for xiao while enlisting the help of your favorite bard  

these soft moments on the mountain are usually when you’ll sweetly tuck in a flower or two in his hair while laughing 

he’ll blush fiercely while looking away but will tuck the cecilias in securely as you’re unable to do so due to the position you’re in on his lap

all in all - this was not meant to come out as a date idea but we’re going w it 

this is so cute xiao pls let me put flowers in your hair sweet boy <3

childe

god, loml, my favorite war criminal after eren yeager 

there’s never a dull moment w this man - if you wanted peace and quiet, why the hell are you dating him bestie???

is the type of person to yell out “Y/N, i can’t believe i ran into you here!” if he sees you somewhere even tho you explicitly told him you were going to be here in the morning (ik you have a good memory ajax don’t lie to me 😐)

i don’t see him as being obnoxious w pda unlike someone else kaeya but he would definitely participate (think: handholding, cheek kisses, an arm around your shoulders)

loves it when he comes home and sees you in an apron cooking 

domesticity just makes his heart melt so you can be sure that your face will be peppered w a lot of kisses afterwards <3 

absolutely ADORES it when you trace his scars absentmindedly when you’re lying down or even when you’re having dinner in public  

he’s been far from his family for so long that small acts of mindless affection like this really make his heart happy 

you have him drunk on your love luv haha see what i did there 

he will let you put makeup on him. no i do not take criticism ⛄️

he already has on lowkey thick eyeliner,,, don’t be shy put some more bestie 

he will shamelessly go out in public w whatever you made him wear - doesn’t really give a shit even tho he has a reputation to maintain 

speaking of reputation,,, yk his mask? yeah that one - the red hair accessory that he has on his head

well on the mask, he attached a little charm the both of you got together on your first date during lantern rite 

it’s this adorable fox that we all shamelessly kill for meat and he placed it so it anchored to the side of his mask so when he fights it isn’t a nuisance or anything (does that make sense??? i hope it does) 

his subordinates notice and while they’re stoic around childe, behind closed doors they do whisper abt the mysterious person who’s captured his heart 

not so mysterious anymore when they literally see him cling onto you during his daily patrol around the harbor 💀

it’s ok tho he’s lucky he’s cute 

bestie,,, pls give him a neck massage 

i just KNOW he’s tense there idk something abt the way he carries himself just screams “my neck hurts so bad someone pls help me i would ask but my pride literally will not let me”

so give him a neck massage :) don’t worry tho he’ll definitely return the favor and then some

LOVES TICKLE FIGHTS 

he’s obsessed w them,,, it’s just the faces you make??? he can’t get enough 

he loves seeing the pure joy and the brief fear (he’s kind of a sadist) in your eyes before he attacks you w those damned hands 

it reminds him a lot of simpler times w his siblings and he’s happy he brings you joy and makes you forget your worries - at least for a little while 

all in all, he’s a good boy and no i will not tolerate childe slander 🔪 kaeya slander tho 😏

beidou

you pulled beidou??? wow everyone’s jealous (pulled as in literally from the banner and in this context but no i do not have beidou and no i definitely do not want to talk abt it)

god made beidou and zhongli just so all of us could have a sexuality crisis 

anyways, being w her is hard i will not lie 

not bc she isn’t a capable lover - no, quite the contrary 

she’s an amazing partner but the problem here lies in the fact that she’s almost never on land 

it’s hard working a long distance relationship but y’all love each other so it works out :,) 

when she is physically present however, expect to never be bored 

she’ll quietly fix the wrinkles on your shirt or fiddle with your fingers in her hands while she recounts her adventures out on sea 

she sometimes gets worried she bores you, however the way your eyes light up every time she tells a tale always reassures her otherwise

definitely the type to let you use her claymore if you want to learn 

she’ll provide useful tips as she tucks her hands into your sides gently, positioning you correctly so you don’t hurt yourself 

miss girl is an AMAZING cook 

i just know she cooks the best meals - i mean she’s friends w xiangling after all 

whenever she comes home from a voyage she’ll always insist on making something for you even if she’s abt to pass out 

pls tuck her into bed and promise her that she can make you something in the morning <3 the poor woman needs rest 

brings you back trinkets but they’re actually very practical 

she knows you won’t have much use for a simple charm (not that there’s anything wrong w that) but she believes you’ll like something practical more so she might get you a new engraved knife from the most recent place she’s been to 

definitely the type to surprise you when she docks 

i can imagine her anchoring her ship out a little ways from liyue harbor and rowing to the dock in order to make sure you aren’t alerted of her presence (i’m sorry the mental picture this made in my mind is SENDING ME INTO ORBIT but she means well i love you)

will take you to remote spots she’s found in her travels through liyue 

for example - the little heart shaped island and the island quest (?) that you had to use kaeya the bridge maker for in order to get to im sorry i’ll stop w the kaeya slander

she’ll get you seashell bracelets or necklaces idk why but she gives me those vIBES 

they’re super nice ones too, only the highest quality for you 

yes she’s a bruh girl but i also see her as someone who would enjoy intimate moments like watching the sunset or something 

“yo wanna catch the sunset, i heard it looks sick from the jade chamber” said before ahem it yk fell from the sky

kasdjksfashfjsahf yes ofc i would love to catch the sunset w you pls come home luv

anyways, she is a woman i would give the world for 

zhongli

ok gimme a sec i need to get my gentleman mode on 

this man,,, THIS MAN 

everything w him is so soft like your entire eXISTENCE w him could go in a museum it’s that beautiful 

in the morning when he visits you, he always brings you a cup of your favorite tea and a bouquet of glaze lilies he got from madame ping

holds the door for you, pushes the chair out for you, uses a napkin and brushes sauce off your lips when you’re eating - you name something sweet, he’s done it

secretly loves it when you fuss over him 

he doesn’t like to fight but say he encountered a group of hillichurls he couldn’t avoid and promptly defeated them but ended up tearing a part of his tux(?) (is it a tux? i could not tell you)

not that big of a deal, i mean it’s a scratch, he’s a 6,000 year old god, he’s dealt w much worse 

but seeing the worried crease in your brows as you usher him to sit at the table while quickly grabbing antiseptic to clean his wound

“it’s just a scratch, my dear. do not worry i’ve dealt with much worse.”

you quietly protest abt how “yes zhongli, i understand you’re an archon and have gotten worse injuries but i’m worried about infection just please let me take care of you ok? <3″ 

when you say that he feels weird emotions,,, wdym take care of him? 

he’s always taken care of himself or been expected to take care of others as the former ruling deity of liyue so having someone else genuinely worry abt his wellbeing creates a warm feeling in his chest 

he strikes me as the type to knit you something??? idk maybe it’s the grandpa vibes but i headcanon that he would knit you a scarf for the colder weather, it’s cute 

in the privacy of your home, he really likes picking you up

he loves it when you wrap your legs around his middle while he gets up to go do the dishes or smthg 

domesticity go brrrr

if you’re into making flower crowns, he would totally have you on his lap and wordlessly hand you a glaze lily whenever you expectantly hold your hand out while weaving the flowers together 

he expects you to make the crown for yourself but when you place the crown on his head and it fits perfectly while simultaneously tucking a glaze lily behind your ear, he looks at you dumbstruck 

his mouth parts open in awe and it’s quite literally the cutest thing

you’ve broken him 

thinks it’s the sweetest thing - will keep it on his head for the whole day 

he’ll even put it in water before he sleeps so it won’t wilt and he can wear it the next day <3 

scenic picnics!! scenic picnics!! 

the type to take you to the nicest spots in liyue to chat abt the history of the land w you over a cup of tea and your favorite food (whatever you like, he doesn’t mind)

recounts the people he’s met in his long life before finishing off by saying you’re by far the best person he’s met 

zhongli strangles lovingly come home soon 

thanks for reading! if you have any requests don’t hesitate to send them in <3