#my parents genuinely asked me if i was asexual and they only knew i liked guys cuz they asked

[robsterskellington]

After watching Hazbin Hotel, I got a little bit of brainrot, thinking about how Vaggie's love for Charlie helped her regrow her wings. I noticed that while Lucifer is considered "fallen", he still has his wings, so I wrote a small dumb thing lol.

"I still don't know how they grew back, exactly..." Vaggie had her Angel wings stretched out, allowing Alastor and Charlie to have a look. Carmine did hint that it was Vaggie's love for Charlie that allowed them to grow back, but surely that was too simple?

Lucifer had moved into the Hotel after the last Extermination, since it was an excuse to spend time with his daughter again, but also because... being lonely *really fucking sucked*. He watched the scene and tilted his head, "Well, love is the only thing able to heal broken wings."

Well, that answered that. Alastor tilted his head with a wide grin, "Is that right? And how would a *fallen* Angel who kept his wings know that?"

"Al..." Charlie hissed slightly- she didn't want them at each other's throats, too scared of not having her dad around anymore. However, she was curious, especially when she saw the expression on Lucifer's face. That was when she realised: "Dad... did- did the Angels take your wings?!"

Lucifer laughed nervously, "Fuck. Yeah, actually. Adam himself sliced my wings off with some kinda Holy sword. Actually, Vaggie and I are twinsies!" That was when he turned his back with his wings out. Vaggie looked then saw what he meant; both Lucifer and Vaggie had scars where their wings connected to their backs!

Charlie also noticed and gasped softly before looking at her dad, "Mom fixed your wings?"

"...no, actually. Well, partly." He smiled warmly, and began to tell a little story: "Years after falling, and seeing the consequences of my actions, I hit one Hell of a depression. The light in the darkness was your mother. She made me laugh, relax, and much like you, she never let me give up on my dreams."

Everyone had sat on the couch listening to Lucifer explain, though he never said anything dirty, even when Angel asked: "Did she top ya?"

Lucifer was blushing while Alastor froze with a wide eyed expression, having what Husk had dubbed an *asexual panic*, and Niffty just giggled like an idiot. Vaggie chastised him in Spanish while Charlie cringed, "Angel, I don't need to know about my parents *doing it*."

Angel was about to argue, but Lucifer cleared his throat, "Well... intimacy had something to do with it. It certainly helped with the depression."

"Fuckin' called it." Angel laughed while Alastor covered his face, and Vaggie held Charlie's hand.

That was when Lucifer had an expression he'd never had before, like he was peaceful, "I had a bad day. I was just sat at my desk, not doing anything, I had no strength. That was when Lilith walked up to me, and told me that she had the best news. I wasn't sure what she meant, until she took her hand, and pressed it against her stomach." He put his hand against his own stomach as he said this, and everyone understood.

That was the day Lilith and Lucifer became parents. Charlie felt tears well up in her eyes as Vaggie squeezed her hand, but Alastor seemed to have a more genuine smile on his face this time, "It wasn't the news itself that healed you, was it?"

Lucifer rolled his eyes, "Ugh, I hate that you get it. No, it wasn't." He looked at his daughters face and smiled, "As an Angel, I obviously have the powers of creation, and I could *feel* your soul within your mother. That tiny life I created by a method that some Angels thought was impure. And it was like when your soul sensed me, it grew brighter. Next thing I knew..." He extended his wings, a bright smile on his face.

Charlie let her tears fall as she ran to hug her father, who held her close. He pulled away slightly, cupping her face in his hands and wiping her tears before kissing her forehead.

Husk was the one to summarise the story for Niffty and Angel, who did get it, they just needed confirmation: "Old Fairy Tales talk about True Love and how it can heal anything. Charlie's love, and the love people have for her, gave two people important to her back their wings."

And with her love, they'd never lose them again.

[skys-archive]

TW TALK ABOUT PSYCHOSIS AND PARANOIA

Guys I can tell this is gonna be bad

I'm out of my antipsychotics and people are testing me so hard. This is the worst time I'm going to go psychotic.

My boyfriend of a year and a half is at basic training right now for the army. I haven't talked to him in about a month because of this. We weren't able to see each other for a while beforehand for reasons that don't matter related to this post, but a few days before he left he showed up at my house with a few of my things and basically was just there to reassure me that he was safe and okay and would be leaving that Monday for basic.

Today my best friend called me and asked me if he was engaged. I said no, she asked if I was sure. She sent me a TikTok. It was one of those "you may have dated him but I get his last name" posts with a picture of my boyfriend(??) and her together and her hand with a ring. Part of the thing is, this was posted in May. When we were still very much seeing each other very often.

I'm very, very confused. He's not the kind of person to not tell me things, we've been together and serious for a long time and I genuinely love him more than I've ever loved anyone before. It somehow feels so so fake. Hes never dated her as far as i know i didnt think he even really liked her. If it is fake, a thought I have is that, his parents are very very homophobic. They've constantly pressured him into being straight and marrying a woman. I feel in my heart that there's some explanation that makes sense. But I don't know if that's real instinct or if that's my delusions getting the best of me.

If it's a thing for his parents, why would he never tell me? If he didn’t love me, why would he keep seeing me? It's not like it was for sex, I'm asexual.

I feel like there's an explanation. But I can't get one right now. He's at basic, I can't talk to him, i wasn't able to see him much prior so I never found out the address of where he is so I can't send him a letter. I have to wait several weeks.

And on top of this, I'm finding out that other people knew. Other people knew this and didn't tell me. It's starting to make me think people are out against me. It's making me think people are trying to hurt me as much as possible.

I've struggled with paranoia and psychosis for years. With my boyfriend, I've always had the issue of other people. I will admit, before I knew him he really wasn't a great person. He did a lot of things he shouldn't have. Before I met him he started to get better. He is truly a great man now, and I'm really proud of how far he's come and how much he's grown. But anyway, a lot of people knew him before. A lot of people don't like him. The whole time I've dated him, I've had people telling me he'll be bad for me. That he's grooming me, he only wants me for sex, he's bad for my mental health, etc when all I've ever seen is the complete opposite. He never pressured me into anything sexual, I've been happier with him than any other time in my life. And quite frankly about the grooming just, no??? He's not???

But im psychotic. I have paranoia. I have delusions. On multiple occasions all of these things people say to me have gotten to my head. I've gotten thrown into episodes convinced he's playing this long sadistic game to hurt me as much as he possibly can. Nearly every time there's a misunderstanding, it starts to make me panic. I start worrying that people are right. And that if they are right they'll never have sympathy because "i should have seen the signs". Every time, he and my best friend have helped me pull out of it. To recognize that I know it's not true, I have proof it's not true. They're patient and loving and caring and do everything to help me be okay when I have psychotic episodes.

But right now I don't have that. I can't talk to him. I can't talk through what I'm feeling and thinking and what's scaring me. I can't have him help me explain everything. And I can't with my best friend either. Because we don't fully know. We don't know what's going on we don't know if it's true we don't know why thus happened. So she can't sit there with her logic as she always does. She can't say that she's seen me be happier and watch how great he is for me because all of this is so out of the blue that we don't know. We don't know what's going on.

And to top it all off im not on my risperidone right now because I had an issue with refilling my medication and US pharmaceutical industry is shit. So I have all of these things eating away inside my head and I don't know what to believe and I'm not even on the medication that helps me deal with it.

I don't know who to believe I don't know what to believe. How can I believe my instincts that there's more to this than I'm seeing if my brain is full of delusions that make me believe myself against all facts. I'm once again convinced that this was a game. That he decided to play the long game for two years and being fake and do everything to love me and treat me wonderfully and just be perfect only to rip it all away from me when it would hurt the most. And I know logically this can't be true can it this can't be real. He's never like this. Who plays the long game just for their own sadistic tendencies BUT PEOPLE DO IT. People are sadistic people like to see others hurt.

I don't know. I don't know what to do. I have several weeks until I can figure out the truth. Several agonizing weeks of letting delusions and paranoia flood my head until I'm back in that awful spot I was all over again.

I'm so scared. I can't fix it this time. I can't pull myself out of the psychosis. I don't want to go back.

I don't know what to do.

[my-castles-crumbling]

okay so hi..

um ive seen people do this so ig im going to as well.

basically i and my gf (she/her) have been in a relationship for nearly 6 months (6 in two weeks). we're both 19.

we met through my bsf and her bsf dating and now we are (i had the biggest crush on her but genuinely didnt think she'd give me a chance).

ive had pretty bad luck in relationships before and they never lasted more than 3 or 4 months mainly due to the fact that im asexual and btoh previous oartners just assumed they could change me (???) but she genuinely understood and went out of her way to make me comfortable and make it known that nothing will be demanded of me more than that which i can give.

from the beginning of the relationship, ive made some rules very clear which are like my no nonsense ones, like i wont tolerate them usually at all.

one of them being not making me purposefully uncomfortable and the main big one is not yelling/shouting, especially at me. (i have past trauma from my parents and it has in the oast made me shut down completely for days at a time, only getting up to feed my cat)

on one of our beginning dates i mentioned this really nice and sorta expensive restaurant that ive always wanted to try but reservations are really hard to get.

she joked saying that oh id love to go with hou ehicb i laughed at but was mildly excited about.

so i got the reservation for yesterday, i made the reservation for two.

last month i told my girlfriend that i have finally got the reservation and would like to go with her, told her the dates and time and everything and she seemed genuinely excited to go with me.

now last week i confirmed her availability again, and asked her what colored dress she was wearing so i could match it with my clothes and we decided on a color etc and also to get ready at my place because her bsf has their family over so shes will be staying with me for 2 weeks.

now, yesterday, after i was done with my work i went to the living room just to well see her and hug her cz i missed her a bit since i hadnt really seen her in about 5 hours (i was working). when i knocked at her door, she opened it and was ready with a dress (not the color we agreed on), her purse laying in the background as she greeted me with a big smile and kiss (on the cheek).

i asked her isnt she ready a bit early and she just looked at me confusedly and said no i hve to meet R (her friend) at 4:30 so im just on time.

i asked why and where she's going just to know if she'd be back and she said that theyre going to the mall and then to the movies because R is leaving in 3 days to go on vacation so they want to spend some time togetehr.

i smiled and wished her luck, i thiught that maybe i got the day wrong but i hadnt and i was actually really sad because all my life, everyone in my family would repeatedly just forget about my plans and my shit for others' and she knew abt that.

but anyways, so i decided to still go and i took this really lovely lady, who's homeless but i buy her a meal everyday and take her out to lunch once a week. (shes like in her 30s btw)

we had a lovely time and the food was divine, i even helped the lady get ready in a changing room.

but anyways on my way home i realised i had 3 missed calls from my girlfriend and a text that just said.

we need to talk as soon as you get home.

the moment j entered my apartment, she just started to yell at me about how much of a piece of shit i am, how people forget and its not a big deal, how im an arse, how not everything is supposed to be about me, and could i possibly imagine how she felt coming back to an empty apartment, she thought something had happened to me.

that is not the order she sais everything in but someway through my breathing started to get extraordinarily fast and i coukd feel my vision getting blurry.

i said sorry to her, or i think(?) i cant really remember stuff when i get panic attacks like this. i took my cat and went to my room.

it took quite a while for my cat to calm me down bur she was able to in the end.

this morning, i made breakfast for her and since i have today off from uni i decided to go to my job (i work part-time remote but can come and go to the iffice if i wish)

its my break rn and im thinking about it, maybe it wasnt a big deal? maybe i should have reminded her again but like idk it was a pretty big thing for me.

i feel bad, i feel like i made a mountain out if a molehill and shouldve just apologised properly and explained to her that its okay and that it wasnt that big of a deal.

i dont knwo?

i wanted some advice because i truly feel very strongly for her and shes the only relationship ive had in which i feel valued and had zero self doubt (up until yesterday)

im sorry it was so long, and thank you for your help.

Hi!!

Okay so...this is hard because, I don't know if either of you are to blame, here. Your girlfriend wasn't great for forgetting, but then I was wondering why you didn't say anything? But then she was shit for yelling later....

I'm wondering if this is the first time this has happened? It sounds like a lack of communication, you know? I think you guys really need to sit down and discuss how you were both feeling. But if this becomes a pattern, especially your girlfriend yelling, I would think more about the relationship.

Keep me updated! I'm naming you orange anon.

[shayberri789]

In honour of Ace Week, I'd like to talk about my experience with growing up ace.

Many, many of my fellow aspecs talk about growing up feeling broken, to the point where I almost felt "fake" because I didn't share this apparently universal experience. (No slander to them by the way, I can recognise myself for being the oddball that I am, and the reason I escaped the self-hatred and broken feeling is. Actually kind of funny)

(Also sorry this is very long and rambly, editing is a bitch on mobile.)

I've always known I was aromantic and asexual. Not the terms, but I know I have been like this since before I can remember. The most important aroace memory I have is the one that saved me over a decade of grief, one I made when I was seven.

I was in grade one, and in a tiny, tiny school with literally only 4 people in my grade. My best friend, Jess, had just broken up with our classmates Thomas (they had been dating the way all 7yos do, and Jess has always been boy crazy). She was ranting to me about him, and I was a bit bored with it, playing about on the patio wall. I distinctly remember saying to her: "I'm never gonna get a crush! Dating is too much drama." And that was that. I promised myself never to get a crush.

And for years, I thought I was fantastic at keeping promises to myself. I was a pretty child, and I've always been kind, and many of my guy friends developed crushes on me, or felt pressured to have a crush and decided I was the best option. I don't know. I turned every one of them down, and said I wasn't going to date because I'd made myself a promise not to. I never developed a crush on anyone myself, and I thought it was because of a promise I made when I was seven. I never felt pressured to have a crush because of that promise, and all my girl friends accepted it too as an answer when they asked if I had a crush. We were like, ten, we didn't know better. None of us even knew what the lgbtqa+ was. Same-sex marriage was only legalised in 2006 in South Africa, and I didn't have a phone or access to the internet until I was 13. We also weren't as steeped in the amatonormative bullshit that comes with growing up, or fandom, or the internet.

When I was around 11-12 years old, we went to the coast to celebrate one of my childhood friend's mom getting married. Both his parents (his mom and later adoptive father) were close family friends, and while we were there I met up with an old friend I'd lost contact with.

I found out Dune, the lost friend, had had a crush on me since pre-primary school. He'd put a ring on his finger and declared that he was going to marry me when we grew up. I think He'd given up the notion by the time we reunited, but it made me feel weird. I started actually thinking about crushes, and my promise, and I worried that maybe I'd been repressing feelings. Did I accidentally close my heart to love because of my promise? But... not having to deal with crushes made my life so much easier, I wasn't sure if I wanted a crush. But I was worried I'd broken myself. It didn't help that when I brought this up to my mom (who is, by the way, an amazing woman and completely supportive of me now and my very queer brother and is bi herself) she said that closing your heart to love was unhealthy, and I should let myself feel things.

In retrospect, that's solid advice. I wish I'd listened to it more before I developed repression of emotions and memories as a coping mechanism to deal with immigration and a new country. But at the time I took it as confirmation I'd broken myself because again, I was eleven, and while I've always been mature for my age I still was lacking a lot of knowledge and growth.

Fortunately, I've always been a stubborn, genuine thing. I only changed parts of myself I didn't like, or thought hurt others, and no one else was allowed to decide that for Me. And I liked the peace not having crushes gave me, and I saved myself many years of grief and worry with that decision. It was three days of worrying about having broken myself, compared to an almost lifetime of many other aspecs.

That conviction was admittedly hard to hold onto though. I had several squishes in my childhood and the following yesrs, or maybe they were actual crushes but I doubt it; and I started becoming vaguely aware that saying I'd made a promise to stay single and unattracted to anyone was a weird reason for turning someone down when you're like 13/14yo. I stopped talking about my promise, but I never got a crush, never wanted one, and never wanted to date. I just kept living my life, even when I immigrated and said family friend's child from earlier, a boy I had been friends with since I was literally three years old, told me he'd been in love with me for five years the day I landed in my nee country. Thanks Vin, that's totally something to drop on your childhood friend when she is busy feeling like she'd lost everything. I spent a week analysing the last couple years of our friendship to figure out if he even cared about me the way I did about him. We're not very close anymore.

A year later, in Year 10/Grade 9, my new best friend invited me around to her house to tell me "something important". When I got there, I found our other friend we'd been growing closer too over the last couple months there already, and they were holding hands. Tess said to me, very gingerly, "Shay, I just wanted to let you know that I'm pan, and Saph and I are dating."

Three things you should know: I was barely aware that "gay" and "lesbian" was a thing at this point, I had no gaydar or ability to predict romance, and had quite frankly forgotten that crushes were a thing. I wasn't even looking for chemistry in my friends. I was caught completely off guard. I had no fucking clue was pansexual was. I'd only just started learning about the queer community and did not know how to react to this, and was suddenly, horribly reminded that my friends were at the stage where they cared more about finding someone to date than plodding on happily with the friendships we had. Tess later told me I "was a bit homophobic because of the way I recoiled with a slightly disguisted look on my face."

Honestly, I think it's because I was disgusted by romance in general and was unprepared for the confession, and was suddenly re-evaluating the entire friend group dynamics. I'm gonna forgive myself if I reacted badly, but I honestly wasn't aware enough of heteronormative culture, had forgotten amatonormativity existed, and didn't know enough about gay people to even be homophobic.

That night, I spent four hours researching the lgbt community to understand as much as I could, to find out how to support my friends and be a good ally. I still thought I was straight, back then. It got to the point where I knew a good deal about the queer community and experiences, enough to help my brother figure out he was pan and trans, and yet I still did not come across any aspec identity. Not in Tumblr screenshots, not on the wiki pages I read, not from word of mouth from the queer people I met irl.

I even went through about a month or so where I thought I was bi. I had enough common sense long before then to realize that a promise made when you're seven should not affect who you crush on, just what you do with those feelings, but it was the only explanation I had, so I quietly stuck with it. When I found out more about the queer community I thought to myself "... am I gay?" And critically evaluated myself, and came to the conclusion I felt the same about guys as I did about girls, and I must be bi, surely? But that didn't feel right, and It honestly made me feel uncomfortable to label myself as that, so I never mentioned it.

Fortunately soon after that, I was talking to one of Tess's old South African friends, who told me he was "asexual" (in hindsight, and seeing how he grew, I think he was actually aromantic. But, it's not my place to tell people how to identify). I didn't know what that meant so googled it, and realized... hey, this covers a lot of how I feel (or rather, what I don't feel). It wasn't quite right, I didn't really understand sexual attraction either (I still don't, really, but I do on a rational level), but it fit me better and explained a hell of a lot more than bisexual did, so I claimed it. Plus, pretty flag.

I tried to come out that pride month. I made an ace flag-coloured version of my profile picture, looked up the pride days for June, and decided I would change my pfp and bio on ace day to come out. Which I did! And many people congratulated me on figuring myself out, even more were confused as to what it was, and the rest didn't notice. But before all that, I'd accidentally come out on aromantic's day, first, much to my fear and embarrassment. I didn't realise I could be both aromantic and asexual. I didn't want it to seem like I was trying to be 'special' to fit in with my friends (I value genuineness greatly, and never wanted to appear like I was presenting myself falsely, especially for something like a trend or peer pressure). I quickly changed my pfp and bio before anyone noticed, and did it on the correct day at the end of the month.

Fortunately, it did make me look up aromanticism, and realize this identity fitted the rest of my experiences. But, I still didn't know I could have two identities, because I didn't know about the SAM model. I decided to stick with asexual, because I liked the flag more.

I still felt a bit like an imposter, though, like I wasn't really welcome in the queer community, and I always knew I didn't fit in the cishetallo one. I didn't know any other ace people except for the guy who told me about the term, and he was far too interested in sex and hot people for my comfort. I dedicated myself to learning more about the queer community as a whole, the lived experiences and politics, so that I could continue to support and be with my friends (who had, one by one over the year or so, come out as queer in some way, as one friend group does after the first one bites the bullet) even if I "didn't really belong".

It took me a while to feel fully comfortable as asexual, and to internalise I could be aromantic too and accept that (I called myself Grayromantic for a time because I thought the squishes had been crushes, and I almost wanted to hope I wasn't completely locked from love. I've since learned better and honestly, I'm really happy as plain aroace). I went through a period of trying on all kinds of micro labels to explain my experiences, but I've come to settle on the plain old aroace label. I'm happy, and I'm happy with myself. I also found the sunset aroace flag last year and fell in love with that, too 😂

I'd like to give a huge thank you to @fuckyeahasexual for all the information and support their blog gives, and the experiences and constant acceptance and reassurance that we are all ace, and for the info they give on aromanticism too. It played a huge role in my coming out and being proud, and then being loud and proud for the remaining years of high school. It's allowed me to meet so many more aspec people, and help people figure out their own aspec identities in my real-life community.

So yeah, I am, very extremely aroace. I swing wildly between sex and romance neutral to outright repulsed, and I have no interest in a qpr or any other relationship beyond family and friendship. (Shout out to my brother for getting into a qpr and then telling his actually aroace sister about it last out of everyone!).

I've been aroace my entire life, and I've never wanted to be anything different. I've dealt with my fair share of both microaggressive and straight-up aphobia from strangers, loved ones, fandom and society in general.

And I've never related to those posts about people growing up feeling broken, and for every single aspec out there like me who skated on through life and to their identities without that trauma as well, I tip my hat to you. We are valid, we are no less aspec than those with different traumas to us, and we are no less important or alone or isolated than they are. We're all in this together, and we should all take pride and care in one another. For our similarities and shared experiences, and for our differences. Happy ace week.

[48787]

I am literally always correct about media

Three episodes into Bravern.

I saw the first episode, not even, the first fucking MOMENT it said "This is a training exercise" I knew, I fucking KNEW, I was in for the Evangelion Rebuild 0.00 You Do (Not) Want To Watch Evangelion experience. And my Brothers in Shinji Ikari's goop, I'm ignoring that parenthetical because thesis never exist in the first place, and parents never exist in the first place, it's all just the complete and constant Holy Trinity of living in the present for the present. And oh boy that Angel sure is Cruel.

If you don't think I'm speaking "Truth" you need to realize two things about me:

1. I've seen footage. They've shown us so much, and broke show-don't-tell DELIBERATELY multiple times to address the immediate concern that the audience should be asking IMMEDIATELY if they've seen the same footage as well (Like how it obviously has a 1 to 1 Evangelion LCL bit but it's green and referenced as "From The Abyss" doing that absolutely devilish charm of manipulating by never telling lies, only different truths, further proven by "Wait how do you know about that?" Or how the outro is clearly on a stage but then it almost tears or blurs into stars. You fuckers remember MyHouse.wad right?? You know this shit means something, right??) Or the invocation of very very very specific tropes followed by another very very very specific trope, or the deliberate subversion of trope followed by a character deliberately trying to force the trope out of subversion into genuinity. Many such cases, too many to list. I've just seen footage and I don't know how people don't see the fucking massive amount of narrative foils-per-minute, both within the show and connecting outside the show. The Evangelion shit is easy, it goes far deeper than that. (A good example is how they were clearly invoking starship troopers-y Earth patriotism and then subverted SST by the mixing of genders in a changing room seeming awkward and like it's not supposed to happen but happening anyway to form an extremely subtle juxtaposition.)

2. I stay noided. Every fucking subtle change of the framing device, of a characters features (Like in the outro alongside choice moments in the show, similar to the effect Cyberpunk Edgerunners that I can first remember coming from Evangelion), the minor moments of nonfalsifiability, the constant IN CHARACTER "Don't think about it just do it my way and it'll be okay" explanations that only rhetoric-obsessed mentally ill person like me would understand (Followed by things that only make sense if you knew what to look for), the fact that the intros and outros are literal propaganda that the audience WANTS to buy into (I believe representing the passion the fucking love hypercube evokes and each member experiences uniquely), the consistency of certain stylistic choices (Like conflating the stars and crosses to focus on Evangelion just a little more), the deliberate choice to use an entirely new stylistic transition or in between just to pretend like it wasn't anything important at all, it all MUST have meaning. The whole POINT is the power of inspiration and the neutrality of power being two coexisting ideas. The clothing metaphors, the masking metaphors, the gay metaphors that form subtle trans metaphors that form certain asexual-aromantic-agender metaphors, the literal fucking AT fields that are broken by vulnerability. Lewis (The current parallel to Bravern) loses but chooses what's cool so he can try it better next. Ishami (The current parallel to Lulu.. not Vi Brittania I swear, absolutely zero connection at all, tooooootally) is more "serious" but far more vulnerable and has his masks broken down.

They're fucking in a love triangle but tricked you it's actually a fucking square that's been folded so the corners are touching. Which corners are touching which? Good question asshole, it's all of them.

Someone thought "the MegOp ship is pretty cool. If they weren't around would it be Hotrod/Rodimus and Soundwave instead? They are kind of thematic opposites to both their normal foils anyway." and then made a whole show about that after everyone who ever heard that either didn't see enough footage or couldn't stay noided long enough to realize what a genius they were. And since no one understood just how much context builds up to even being able to think that in the first place, they just made the perfect show about manufacturing consent. For what? Literally anything and everything, including nothing.

I know exactly how fucked up the polycule formed when a mortal dares to ask "What if the three parts of the Holy Trinity, like, kissed and fucked and made out?" would be because I dare to ask it constantly, I am living it, we all are. It's the Divine Comedy, it is hell, it is chicken it is eggs it is in between your legs (10 points if you've seen enough footage to get this), and above all else it's hot as fuck and makes me want to never give up and live forever, no matter who you are no matter what you love doing.

I love this fucking show, I can't wait to finish it so I can be proven right on all accounts.

Y'all dumb motherfuckers keep refusing to understand Evangelion, your hubris makes you think you're somehow above Shinji, that you'd be different if you were put in his shoes. And that will always mean people like Lulu and Bravern will always exploit you for the love of doing it.

I have so many thoughts about this show and they're all right and if you think a single one of them is wrong you will literally be proven wrong because I will always be right, in time and out of time.

Maybe the next post or two will be more coherent since I'm taking a break, but I should actually finish the show first so I can gloat even harder about being objectively correct about everything in the universe ever.

[uswnt-mostlypinoe]

I know I don’t post my personal thoughts on here very often, but I need to post something for my own therapy. Megan Rapinoe…

It’s extremely difficult for me to try and find the words to express how much Pinoe has meant to me over the past (almost) 13 years.

I used to play right midfield in soccer, but lost my love for the game nor did I enjoy watching any form of it.

One day, my dad randomly happened to be watching a 2011 WWC group stage match. He just stumbled across it flipping through channels and only knew who Wambach was.

He started listening to the broadcasters explain how a player had been benched from being a starter right before the WC started due to not performing to the coaches’ liking.

This player was then subbed onto the field and almost immediately scored, proving the coaches all wrong. She proceeded to run to the corner, pick up a furry microphone, and belt “born in the USA” for all to hear in celebration.

My dad yelled for me to come witness this player with “a shock of blonde hair.” As the highlights replayed, he explained the events that just occurred, knowing that he had just witnessed the start of something great.

After that, I was glued to the rest of the WC. Then, the quarterfinal match against Brazil happened… To this day, I have never seen a match quite like that: the highs and lows, the drama, the fairy tale ending… the cross that changed everything. Going forward, I was not only hooked to this team, but I felt a very special connection to Pinoe.

I started watching every video I could find that was about Pinoe (I will never forget roomies for life [wild turkeys, chocolate croissants, Gumby, megan rapinoe I went to the casino…], hometown visits, the video with the shins music, I could go on and on).

I fell in love with the sport of soccer again. I worked on tricks in my house, watched every game I could, started this blog dedicated to soccer, etc.

But it was bigger than just the renewed interest in sport. Megan Rapinoe became the first person who I did not personally know who I genuinely cared about. Up until that point, I had never had a hero (outside of my parents of course) like others around me did. As a socially awkward, reserved, low self esteem teenager, this was important for me.

I didn’t know what it was about her at first. But I found myself wanting to be just like her. I changed my hairstyle, my fashion, my music interests, and tried to be a more confident person. I’ll be honest, I was obsessed with her. I even questioned my sexuality, thinking it might explain why I’m so fascinated with everything about her (eventually realized I’m actually asexual).

After the team won the Olympic gold medal in 2012, I wanted nothing more than to see the team play in person. The problem was, back then, they rarely ever came to the Midwest. So my family and I decided to take an 18 hour road trip to watch them play in Rochester, New York.

I will never forget that trip as long as I live. My family happened to be staying at the same hotel as the team (I swear it was purely a coincidence). I met a lot of players that weekend (Hope Solo, Alex Morgan, Carli Lloyd to name a few). I cried like a fan girl while speaking to Rachel Buehler in the lobby due to my excitement.

And of course, I met Pinoe. I was terrified to talk to her. Thankfully my dad was there. He had no problem calling her over to get a picture as she was leaving the restaurant part of the hotel for practice. She graciously took photos with my family, but I was at a loss for words.

Later, I ran into her in the lobby. She came over to where my brother and I were standing. She asked us where we were from and was impressed to hear how far we traveled to support the team. She went out of her way to have a conversation with us, was interested in what we had to say, and made us feel like we were talking to a friend. She shook our hands at the end of the conversation and said she’d look for us at the game.

After that conversation, I’d never felt such a high in my life. I felt like if I could have a normal conversation with my hero (without humiliating myself) that I could do just about anything.

I continued to watch the games and attend as many as I could depending on the drive. It was so fun to get to watch her play in person. The creativity, vision, and play making skills that woman has makes her one of the best players the team has ever seen.

And just when I thought it couldn’t be possible to be more amazing, Pinoe started to unselfishly use her platform to advocate for others. As someone who comes from a family with some unique needs, advocating for all groups is very important to me. Her work for lgbtq rights, women’s equality, and bringing awareness to racial injustice is helping to change the world.

As someone who works with kids as well as individuals with disabilities, I strive everyday to be kind, empathetic, patient, and understanding in order to help make the world a better place. I strive to advocate for others.

Megan Rapinoe is everything I want to be. She is so genuine, confident, and empathetic towards all people. She’s my hero, she’s my role model, she’s a good person.

I truly don’t think soccer will ever have another Megan Rapinoe. I’m so grateful I got to see her play in her last game in Chicago. I will miss seeing her on the field. I cannot thank her enough for everything she’s done for soccer, for human rights, and for me. And I cannot wait to see what her next chapter brings.

[shy-sapphic-ace]

I want to talk about my day yesterday presenting my pride flag bracelet project at school! :D (if you're not interested feel free to scroll by)

So yesterday at school was the day where the students graduating from my school in my program (International Baccalaureate, or IB) have to present their end-of-year project, that they create themselves and set their own criteria and use to learn new skills and gain new experiences and such. I had all year to work on it with the help of my personal project mentor, my old science teacher who helped me set my schedules and organize my stuff. The presentations lasted the whole day with IB students of the other grade levels coming during the day and in the evening, we presented to our parents, some graduates of the program, and the parents of kids who possibly want to join the IB program at our school.

So my project was to make a total of 315 bracelets with the colours of 21 different pride flags (rainbow, gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, omnisexual, aromantic, asexual, aroace, abrosexual, trans, nonbinary, genderfluid, genderqueer, agender, bigender, trigender, demiboy, demigirl, and demigender) to sell this summer at the pride parade happening in Montreal. All the money I would make is going to Jag, an lgbtqia+ organization. I also sold some bracelets to students at my school on Valentine's Day and I was offering some during the presentations as well. This was my poster:

I got to stand beside my friends for the presentation, so that was fun. Anyway, here are a few nice things that happened during the day:

One of my friends bought like ten bracelets for herself and her friends, and she'd invited over some more of her friends to see her presentation and they bought some too!

One of her friends had a really nice colourful button-up shirt and I wanted to compliment it but I was too shy, but when they asked to buy an asexual bracelet they complimented me on my shirt and my hair!! So I told them I liked their shirt as well.

A bunch of adults (and some students) said while reading my display "wow, I never knew there were so many flags! I only knew about the rainbow one!" and most of them looked genuinely interested to learn about the different flags and their meanings. A lady also told me "oh my gosh, more people should know this! This is important!"

A young kid, maybe 10-11 years old here with his mom, listened to my presentation and told me it was cool, and asked me if I was lgbtq myself. I said yes, lesbian and asexual, and I pointed at the corresponding flags on my display, and he gave me a thumbs-up and said "Awesome! I support you". (Seriously it was so cute)

I got complimented a lot on how nice the bracelets looked, and how much time it must've taken to make them.

There was also this retired teacher who used to work at this school and who always came back for the project fair, the first openly gay teacher in the school and the former leader of the school's Rainbow Alliance Club, who came by to compliment me on my project, he bought two bracelets and gave me five dollars and told me to have a happy Pride this summer.

And there was this really nice old man who came to see my project, listened really attentively when I explained it, asked me questions about the organization the money was going to, and then took me by the shoulder and said "I think it's wonderful that in this generation, you can do a project like this and present it. Back when I was your age, you couldn't do something like this, and it's just amazing that it exists now. Who are we to judge others, right? Good job on the project." and he called his wife over to show her all the bracelets I'd made and she said they were beautiful.

So anyway I had a really god time even though I was exhausted by the end of the day. It was so nice to have people genuinely interested in my project and the pride flags, and I can't wait to sell them at the Pride Parade this summer! (:

[menalez]

How did you figure out/come to terms with being a lesbian? If you don't mind me asking. It was difficult enough for me to and I am very lucky with where I live/my parents not being deeply religious. I can imagine it was even more difficult for you

my parents aren’t religious either so that wasn’t a problem for me! but yeah it was hard to figure things out since i’m from quite a religious and homophobic society. it was also additionally more difficult bc of me having faced trauma when i was in my early teens, which added to the confusion i felt.

idk i think just knowing of other lesbians and having read other lesbians’ experiences helped me realise it more, but i recall feeling a way about this one girl in class and when i told this guy that pressured me to be with him, he was like “now u can finally understand how i feel about u” (bc i genuinely did not understand the concept of attraction and would always question him on it). that was what made me realise i’m into women.

it took me a while to then realise that women are like ACTUALLY attracted to guys. i just thought it was normal to find guys ugly and their bodies unattractive and to find kissing and romance cringe and nothing interesting (actually i thought maybe that made me demisexual or asexual, i didn’t even consider that maybe i’m just attracted to women & not men). i remember doing those quizzes and the kinsey scale test and so many tests repeatedly and one day i just thought to myself “i think i’m a lesbian”, i was 18 at the time and it was the first time i even allowed myself to consider it bc i didn’t even want to consider that i’m not into guys before then. i remember feeling like i got a really high fever and almost paralysed, like this massive panic that i only ever felt one other time in my life (when i realised that i erased that something extremely traumatic had happened to me). i cried and freaked out and panicked and wished it could change but i already knew for sure at that point that if nothing i had done in my life managed to “fix” this and make me into men, then nothing will. then when i first kissed a woman & we had sex, i knew there was no way i was anything but a lesbian bc even tho she was awful in bed and annoying and it wasn’t a good sexual experience, it felt.. right. it didn’t feel like i was doing something unnatural or forced for once.

luckily my mom accepted me pretty quick. i never told my dad but sometimes i feel like he knows, but i dont plan on sitting down & coming out to him ever bc he’s homophobic. in general, my situation is quite atypical for my country bc i come from a non-religious & communist family (from my mom’s side, which is the side i’m close to) and having experienced trauma and such, so i don’t have the same experience with coming out & realising my sexuality as the average bahraini lesbian. i never thought homosexuality was wrong and i was that one person fighting everyone else in class for saying being gay is a mental illness or a result of bad upbringing (& then running away crying bc they’d all gang up on me to say it is unnatural etc). the hardest part for me was coming to terms with not liking guys bc i realised i could never have a normal & complete life in my country and it made me realise that even if i WANTED to live in bahrain, i won’t be able to be happy there and would probably kill myself if i have to stay there and be closeted again.

so.. basically i had to do some introspection and gain some self-awareness and actually think about it, and then i had to listen to my feelings for once.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

So TW medical bitterness, cancer, hysterectomy, abnormal periods, mental health, past abuse. I just want to encourage others with my story, I guess.

Since 2018, I knew something was wrong with my uterus, but I figured I was just young and didn't know stuff yet. I developed late emotionally/physically, like not even getting anything near a stereotypical period until I was 22, even though I'd been spotting since 12.

I started bleeding a lot and never really stopped, even with a fist-sized blood clot that nearly made me pass out. But I got on birth control for the anemia and they said it would reset my reproductive system.

Which for a lot of people it does! Not so for me.

Fast forward to 2020, and I'm in the hospital for a pulmonary embolism that was caused by the very same birth control that kept me from bleeding to death. I asked to get a hysterectomy because something ain't right.

They told me that I being was dramatic and swapped me to progesterone-only birth control. I didn't stop asking though.

Fast forward again to 2022, last November, and I got on antidepressants for the first time. Honestly, it's amazing no longer having a maelstrom of ADHD, anxiety (thanks hospital stay), and depression in my head where I feel lost.

But then I started bleeding again. The antidepressants overrode my birth control. So I quickly switched to another antidepressant and got into the gynecologist who put me on a progesterone booster.

They did an ultrasound and get this, in the 3 days I bled, my body made 19 mm of uterine lining. 19! A month later when I went back to see how much had been dissolved by the higher dose of meds (as is supposed to happen), I was only down to 16 mm of lining!

Obviously, it's not working and I produce far more than should be possible. NO SHIT.

Anyway, so March of this year, I had a D&C surgery. They scrape out my uterus and send all the contents to the lab for testing.

LO AND BEHOLD, TWO WEEKS LATER I AM CALLED IN BETWEEN NORMAL PATIENTS AND TOLD THAT I HAVE UTERINE CANCER.

The only thing I cried about was that I no longer have to fight to get the hysterectomy because it's now seen as a lifesaving operation instead of "convenience".

I'm the one driving this meat suit and I told them there was something wrong for YEARS.

So, in 8 days (April 27th, 2023, since I don't know when this will get shared), I get a hysterectomy and my life back. All the risks of birth control, the weight gain, so much will be gone and I can lower doses on my other meds.

Yes, I'm fat and they can blame as much as they want on that fact, but now that the causes of my overeating are finally getting fixed, I'm losing said weight and I will finally be free.

I'm a subset of asexual with sexual abuse trauma, so while I know the big choice I'm losing, I would rather be alive and foster kids when I'm older than have kids/a relationship and be the emotional/verbal abuser that my parents were because it's so internalized that I haven't dug it out yet.

Never stop asking. Never let them sweep you off to the side. Make your doctor rule out everything until they finally do what you want.

I'm bitter, I admit it. I'm bitter against my mom for not diagnosing me with my ADHD and getting me medicated as a child. My first adderall was my 30th birthday, because I snuck behind her back for it. I don't give a shit about the stigma of mental health, I want to be free. I want to be me.

Find the good doctors out there and hang onto them. Dig your feet in and stand up. AFAB are more than the uteruses we are born with. Fat people are more than just our fat. We are people worth getting real genuine help by the medical field. We need more people to learn how people of different races are built differently too.

I now can't even take HRT (to stave off menopause) because I've had both embolism and cancer.

I admit, I wasn't strong enough to fight against my family for the help I needed, and I'm not sure if it was because I was a coward or just not mature enough. But I'm a human being.

I'm going to win and be happy, even if it takes me fighting for the rest of my life to be seen as worthwhile. I'm so tired, but I won't fall. I can't.

-Audra

Hi Audra,

I'm so sorry that you struggled to get a proper diagnosis and treatment, but I'm glad that you could get the help you needed. Your experiences highlight the importance of advocating for ourselves and persistently seeking the help and treatment we deserve.

The bitterness you feel towards your mom and the healthcare system is valid. It's natural to have complex emotions when reflecting on the past and the support that could have made a significant difference in your life. But the focus now is on your well-being and reclaiming your life.

Please know that you are more than the conditions you've faced. You are a human being deserving of compassion, understanding, and comprehensive healthcare. It's essential to take care of yourself mentally and physically as you continue your healing journey.

I hope I could help. Please feel free to reach out if you need anything.

-Bun

[transmeds]

back to my little rant i had on "is there asexual oppression and if so, what is it?" the whole idea of asexuals that have an enjoy sex immediately invalidates them from experiencing any potential opression.. there is literally no conceivable different between having sex because you love your partner or because you love sex. even "allo" people sometimes struggle to make this distinction. if someone is oppressed for being asexual, it would be at the Very Least for not having sex like being called a virgin or something. but yknow to these ppl sex favorable aces exist so throw that out the window.

the only thing that separates "sex favorable aces" and "allos" is a made up word. thts all. not only bc i dnt think sex favorable aces exist but because there is literally no difference in any way.

[the-hopeless-haze]

Oh, My Precious Whore

A/N: didn’t really think I’d ever be posting fic on here again… but I am tired and need a distraction so… have this as a treat

Pairing: Claire Underwood x f!reader, implied Duncan Shepherd x f!reader

CW: derogatory pet names, implied smut (will not occur in full until the next part)

Description: idk this is just pure filth bc there’s a severe lack of f!reader fic and… Robin Wright is hot af. Also had to throw in some Duncan in there bc I love Cody Fern

Maybe you should feel worse right now about what you’re doing, but you don’t.

You, at the very least, should feel scared. The Underwoods, or well, Underwood... she was a powerful woman and if you stepped a millimeter out of place your life was likely in danger. Or so they said. Your in-laws were wary of her, you know, but she was wary of them, too. You think. She’s a difficult woman to read.

The rumors concerning the crimes her late husband supposedly committed are lengthy and convoluted, but you suspect they hold some truth to them. Most rumors usually aren’t based totally in fiction. Her husband was truly a ruthless motherfucker. Claire... Claire doesn’t seem to be ruthless. Nor does she seem to be what you would describe as a motherfucker.

No, she’s a cold hearted bitch. A bitter, sociopathic cunt.

But you never wanted what was good for you.

Sometimes, you swear you love Duncan and you wish it was easier to convince yourself. He a good husband, all things considered. Perhaps a little too focused on work, but... he treats you well to make up for it. He is loyal to a fault, if anyone ever was. You met him through a friend, and though it makes you feel guilty you used him in a vain attempt to get closer to Annette.

But Annette didn’t swing your way, as she told you in not so many words. Or, rather, she said, “Just be a good pet and marry my son. You on his arm will do well for everyone all around. Your dalliances on the side are no one’s business as long as you keep them secret enough that not even Duncan finds out.”

So you agreed, and accepted his proposal you figured she no doubt hounded him into. It’s not so much that you don’t like men, you do, and Duncan is such an attractive man, and he’s a thorough lover... it’s just you suppose you have a preference for women. Older women. You used to joke in high school that you wanted to be a high-end escort for rich older women getting away from their CEO husbands for the weekend.

But your parents would have never approved of that plan. So you went to law school instead. Which was fine. You make decent money without Duncan, but with him you’re somewhat of a young, hot power couple. You’re not really interested in policy the way his family is - you just like ingratiating yourself amongst these people with influence. You get off on brushing shoulders with the powerful. Parties don’t mean much to you. Everyone is truly an evil son of a bitch, no matter what they say when the cameras are on. No one cares about progress, not unless it’s self-serving.

The first time you met Claire, you thought you might die. She barely gave Duncan a second glance but you? She stood and chatted with you about your latest case your firm had taken - how she knew about it among all the other things on her mind, you don’t know - but it was a pleasant conversation, all things considered. You know her and Annette used to be close. You wonder how much Claire does know about you.

You know you can’t trust her. At all.

But after that incident, Duncan grinned and shook his head. “Wouldn’t want to give credence to those rumors. She might have it out for you.”

“Rumors?” You asked, panicking already. Did he know?

“That Claire is a lesbian. It’s been floating around some circles, that that’s why she wasn’t truly upset at her husband’s death, that that’s why she’s pushing so hard for female rights. It’s interesting. It is the first time I met her, but having done so it wouldn’t entirely surprise me.”

You can tell. That woman probably isn’t a lesbian, or if she is, she’s very good at utilizing her charm to make it seem as though she’s not. If anything, you’d peg her as asexual. She uses sex as a weapon. Fair enough. You’ve seen even weaker women feel the need to use it.

You wonder if she’s ever had sex purely for herself and not for manipulation purposes.

You wonder if she could even do that. You reckon you don’t really care if you found out the hard way.

It’s a few weeks later that you receive a message stating the President required your audience. And you know you should tell Annette, or Duncan at the very least, but you don’t. You know you shouldn’t show up at all. But Annette said to keep your dalliances secret. So secret they will stay.

“How loyal are you to the Shepherds?” Claire asks when you arrive. Straight to the point. Good.

“As loyal as I have to appear,” you tell her.

Claire smiles a little. “Why did you marry Duncan? He doesn’t seem quite your type.”

“And what do you presume my type is?”

“Perhaps more feminine. Older.”

“Mm. And what is your type, Ms President?”

“Why did you marry him? Did Annette threaten to out you?” she repeats.

“Not in so many words,” you say.

“Hmm. Interesting. He has no idea, I presume?”

“Why did you call me here?” you ask, your anxiety getting the better of you.

“I need information on the Shepherds. And I believe I have something you’d want in return.”

Your head starts spinning, but no, spinning is an understatement. It’s fucking doing somersaults. You cannot believe what she’s proposing.

“You want to prostitute yourself to me for information?”

And Claire does the last thing you ever expected the bitch to do. She walks across the room and slaps you across the face. Hard enough to sting, but not as hard as you bet she could. You feel the cold metal of her wedding ring press against your cheek as she grabs your chin, her cold blue eyes piercing through to your soul. “Don’t you dare fucking accuse the president of the United States of debasement, and don’t ever assume you have the upper hand.”

“Claire—“

“Are we on first name basis, slut?” she asks, her hand slithering down to your throat. Holy shit, you think. This bitch might actually fucking kill me. You think you’d care more if this wasn’t possibly the hottest thing that ever happened to you. “I didn’t think so. Now. What are your loyalties? Who are you closest to?”

“Duncan, obviously. Annette lets her guard down around me because she likes that I think she’s hot, but she still doesn’t like me. Bill and I don’t get along.”

“Interesting. How much does Duncan know?”

“I know more than Duncan.”

“Really, now? Are you just saying that? Because if you don’t prove to be useful...”

“What? You’ll kill me?”

Claire laughs. “No, you’re much more fun to me alive. But tell me… do you know where Duncan came from?”

“I mean, I truly don’t know how Annette’s cunt could birth anything, given how much of a bitch she is, but…”

Claire smiles. “Yes. Much more fun alive. Duncan is not her child.”

“Well, that’s a relief I don’t have any chance of keeping the Shepherd bloodline alive,” you snicker. “Where did he come from, then?”

“I’ll tell you… in time. But you have to tell him, too. In front of Annette and Bill. I want them all to know.”

“They’ll skin me alive if they knew I was here.”

“Do you want to fuck me or not? These are my terms.”

“So that is why I’m here?”

She only smirks at you, the wrinkles around her blue eyes crinkling as she does. “Your attraction to me is far more interesting than... well, men are pigs, right? I’m sure you are well aware. But you, you look at me like you want to fuck me, sure, but you also know your place. You respect me, even if you try to talk back. Men don’t know any better.”

“Have you ever slept with a woman before?”

She only smiles. “Does it matter?”

“Just wanted to know if there was credence to the rumors.”

“Rumors? You’re quite bold. I’m the one with my hand...wrapped around your throat.”

“It’d be pretty messy for you if you killed me right now,” you retort, wincing and rubbing your legs together as she increases the pressure on your neck.

“You’ll learn not to talk back, whore. To think you’re a married woman...”

“Yeah? Did you hold your marriage sacrosanct?”

There’s that smile again. She’s beautiful, ethereal, but there’s something so inhumane about the way her lips move upward to smirk at you. Maybe you should learn to shut your mouth, but you always were a brat. Besides, it’s more fun this way.

“I did.”

“Liar,” you accuse, smirking at her as you do, and she lets go of your throat and before you can miss the feeling too much she slaps your face again, the right cheek this time, much harder than the first time. You let out a startled, strangled moan on impulse, stumbling back a little against the wall.

“Oh, did that hurt?” she coos at you condescendingly, fixing a piece of your hair that fell out of place as you stand back up, pressing your back flat against the wall for stability. Claire crosses her arms and stands directly in front of you.

“I can take it. I can take more than that,” you say boldly.

“Oh? What else do you like, slut?”

“You name it, I’m game.”

“Anything? Handcuffs? Whips? Knives?”

You nod at everything she comes up with. Jesus, you would let this woman carve out your heart if she wanted it.

“If I make you bleed?”

“Better.”

“Interesting. Does Duncan play these little games with you?”

You laugh. “No.”

“You only want a woman to do these things to you?”

“Precisely. Are you kinky, Madam President?”

“Whatever my partner requires... I make certain I provide.”

“But what do you want?”

“I’m a hard woman to please.”

“Oh. Is that the kind way of saying Frank wasn’t good in bed?” you ask, feigning sympathy. She only smirks again. “I’m surprised you didn’t slap me for that. He must have really been awful.”

“You think you could do better?”

“Women do everything better,” you laugh, earning perhaps the only genuine smile you’ve gotten from this woman the whole time. “That’s why I wanted to know if you’ve been with a woman...”

“No. But I’ve thought about it. Never had a woman as interested as you.”

“I find that very hard to believe. Maybe you just never noticed. What gave it away?” You’re aching for her to touch you again, give you anything, even pain, but she stands still in front of you.

“I can just tell. Besides, I was interested to meet you. You’re the Shepherd’s weak link. I knew Annette didn’t vet you carefully enough.”

“Are you saying me being gay is an issue?”

“Are you so naive to think it wouldn’t be, given the state of this country?” she retorts. “But that’s not all. I can tell you don’t like them. I could tell you were easy... on more than one account.”

You roll your eyes. “I fucking hate Bill. I mean it’s awful to say, he’s not doing well physically, but he’s just made life a living hell for me.”

“Why?” she asks, tilting her head to the side.

“I don’t know. Maybe he hates gay people. Maybe he hates women. Both. Don’t know.”

“So everyone knows but Duncan? Funny how he’s kept out of all the good family secrets that concern him.”

You sigh. “See, sexuality’s a funny thing. I like Duncan. I do. And sometimes sex with him is good if not great. He’s a good partner. But I just prefer women.”

“Must be nice to have it figured out. Your generation did have it easier.”

You look at her questioningly. You never thought someone like her was human enough to struggle with such a thing, but perhaps that’s an unfair assessment.

Or she’s playing you.

Still. She’d have to be quite a good player - not that you should underestimate her skill - to talk about something as personal as her struggles with sexuality. Straight people just don’t get it. Would she really be this easily well versed if it was a game?

“There’s still a long ways to go,” you say.

“I intend to rectify that.”

“Of course you do.”

Her eyes narrow at you and she tilts her head. “Do you think I should be doing better?”

“Yeah. Come out, for starters.”

“Says the woman in a sham marriage.”

“It’s not a sham. I love Duncan,” you protest.

“Then why are you here, selling out his family just for a chance to fuck me? You’re not much better than I am.”

“I don’t think I’ve told you anything yet. Besides. It’s not his real family… as you say.”

“No. You haven’t told me anything I didn’t already know. But I haven’t fucked you yet either, have I?”

“Touché.”

“Come over here,” she beckons, leaning against the desk and once again it strikes you where you are - the fucking Oval Office. Are you seriously going to have sex in the Oval Office? Conservatives would be disgusted by this (although it wouldn’t be the first time this office was defiled). “Don’t look so scared now. You can’t back out at this point.”

You nod, trying not to look as nervous as you feel and walk the few steps over to her, your legs inches from hers. God, you’re practically dying from the anticipation alone.

“Does Duncan ever tell you how beautiful you are?” She asks. You’re absolutely shellshocked. There’s no trace of sarcasm in her voice.

“Sometimes,” you murmur.

“Just like men to not appreciate what they have.”

“Mm. Frank didn’t appreciate you, Claire? Didn’t make you feel good? I would. If you were my wife I’d make you come every fucking day,” you say, and boldly you decide to punctuate that statement by pressing your lips to hers.

Mistake. Or maybe not, you don’t know.

Her hands tangle in your hair and you feel her stand up, press against you firmly before backing you into the desk, pushing you onto it until your back is flat on the wood, and she’s hovering over you, her lips ghosting yours.

“I’m a hard woman to please,” she reiterates and you realize she never fucking lost her breath while you feel like the wind was knocked out of you. “I’m ambivalent about attention in general. But look at you, whore. You crave it, don’t you? Just want someone to tell you that you’re a good girl... oh, look at you squeeze your thighs together. Are you wet for me, slut?”

“Why don’t you see for yourself?” You ask, spreading your legs slightly for her.

She shakes her head, her straight platinum locks shifting as she does so, brushing against your face. “See? You’re not a good girl. You’re a dirty filthy whore and you just don’t know when to shut that whore mouth or close your fucking legs.”

You stay silent - you’re not sure what to do now. Do you antagonize her, push her further, see if it will rile her up again? Or do you try and kiss her again?

Claire has other ideas. “Beg,” she hisses in your ear. “Get down on your knees and beg for me.”

—- and I am evil and ending it there! Plz let me know if I should continue this!

[onlydreamofmysoul]

Oh goodness okay. I need some good ol’ Cliona’s Corner advice if it’s not too much to ask (if it is, please ignore 💕).

So I’m a cis female who’s always loved men but recently looked a bit longer at girls and noticed that yeah they’re pretty. The thing is that I’m on the asexual spectrum, which is also a recently learned fact. And for me that means I 100% don’t have any desire to sleep with women, while with men I would consider doing it if my partner wanted. And when I picture getting married, or dates, or parenting- it’s always with a man. Not once a woman. So I’m realizing now that calling myself “bi” as I have been for maybe just under a year....doesn’t really fit too well for me. And that would be fine if not for the fact that some of my good friends make a huge deal of no one in our group being straight, gay (or slightly gay) people being superior, ect.

And it feels super weird having everyone see me and accept me as bi when I don’t feel bi. And I don’t want to be just another straight girl who pretended to be bi for just a little bit before she got bored and went back to men. And I don’t want to be excluded from their pride celebrations just because I identify with straight, because I’m still aspec. But I’m worried if I say I’m straight they’ll see me differently, start to other me.

So my question really is....is pride month a good time to come out as straight?

Wow!

(That last line gave me a bit of a giggle! It would be a great headline!)

Okay let’s crack on!

First of all, you do whatever the fuck feels best for you. I totally get what you mean about your friends, I knew people in school who would actively diss someone (and not in a joking way) just because they were straight? And it always really bothered me! It actually became so intense and spread out over so many things (like nothing could happen without it being gay. This is not an internalised homophobia thing on my behalf to say this, this was something else altogether). It really ended up hurting a friend of mine who was their friend too and happens to be straight and she’s still friends with them to this day (she’s friends friends with them, I was more ‘we shared a few classes’ friends of you get me) but now she genuinely hesitates to tell them about her love life due to things they’ve judged her for in the past.

Starting this off with a horror story was prob not the best way to do this!

The point of that story really was to say, if you feel that telling them you’re straight would be a Thing, you don’t have to tell them. You don’t owe anyone anything. If you want to, great! But you don’t have to.

(Side note, as an ace person, you can still be part of the lgbtqia community, you could also emphasise that to them if you wanted because, loopholes) if they try and exclude you just cause you’re only attracted to guys, then really, they’re not as open and inclusive and progressive as they may claim to be. I’ve actually seen this a lot, where people in the lgbt community try, idk, make you fit into what their idea of queer is? But it doesn’t fucking matter, the only person who’s opinion you need; is your own.

Personally; I think pride is a great time to come out! Pride is all about expressing yourself and having the freedom to do that! You’re not a stereotypical girl who ‘pretended to be bi’ (tune in another time for a rant on why that’s absolute bullshit and no one should be shamed for being open minded and figuring themselves out) you’re a person who took the time and effort to come to turns with yourself and your mind and your body and really, that can be a hard thing to do, so go you!

If I’ve learned anything, it’s that we humans are ever-evolving. Who knows, in the future you might realise a different label suits better, but if this one works for you right now - fantastic!!!

(And I’ve said it a million times but I’ll say it again, you don’t have to label yourself as anything if you don’t want! In my head I’m just... me. Labels aren’t my thing really. I’ll use them to help other people grasp certain aspects about me but in my own head, I’m just chillin)

I hoped this helped even a little bit. Remember, only you knows what’s best and what’s right for you. Do whatever feels best. I’ve got your back either way, if anyone gives you any grief just send them my way!

Sending so much love and support!

Clíona💕💕💕

[misterbitches]

hi @yeedak thank you so m uch for replying with what you did. YAY ADHD!!!!! ur partner sounds like she rocks >:)  as do u

i found it really illuminating and i agree with all of it. and god as much as i understand reticence when black people are interracially dating (it is so hard) i also hate it when people dictate it and also to a degree that it makes it extremely uncomfortable for the person themselves. to me it really is about a sense of control particularly if you are a woman. constantly trying to pick someone’s life partner for them instead of letting them find out if it’s a) something they want or even want to do b) something they can handle and c) their experience. it can purely cultural as well. my mom is a black american but my father is nigerian and that was basically a sin. however my father’s siblings? the women who had to marry extremely quickly and had to be with nigerian men or at the very least african? divorced. because they had to clamor for love for approval, pop out babies, and look what that got them. i totally understand you and  your mother. and you’re right about all of it.

the idea of a man whore is so funny to me too because it’s not about sexual liberation it’s literally about them wanting to use people as disposable which is why sexual liberation for women as well can be confusing. but all of this isn’t so we can develop our own imaginations and find out our own inhibitions. like you said in all of it and i found this part very very interesting and true, “youth is for sex and no mention of asexuality.” when you get older you are not sexual, when you are a child you are unsure about it, but there’s a time in our lives where we shouldn’t waste it, where it’s only acceptable in that window, where it’s dictated. tangentially i think it’s very funny that the people we sleep with also become a point of pride. let’s say if he is a man (as a bisexual~**~ gorl) but he’s ugly, i should be ashamed, too?

so much boxing in and pushing and dictating. they really are here to spread a message. and i know things ar ehard. i can believe people ask you that but it’s still so.....weird? i remember saying something about my sexuality once and it’s not like i knew the people but then they started asking me questions and i honestly felt embarrassed and like an outsider. i dunno.

and your analogy of a mirror was perfect woaaaaaaah that’s what im gonna say now thank you so much credit to you. gENIUS!!! as real life changes, what we see changes. but media doesnt come first.

also totally agree about watching what people consume and not falling into those patterns. and when “bad” things are shown i do not understand why shows are so scared to show them as they are or not romanticize. a real issue to introduce when it comes to age gaps would be why it is frequent in the lgbtq+ community. that is a real thing because when you have to hide yourself of course you can be stuck in a state of arrested development and trying to re-establish times you may never have. that’s a geniuine fear and concern, it’s understandable even if i don’t particularly care for it, but it’s like for these writeres there’s no reason to look deeply or put that into their story. so why are they doing it? and what is the message here? uGH. and what ur mother said makes so much sense we are just constantly absorbing all these messages and culture absolutely aids to it and you’re right about the generations. and sometimes things stop and start but i genuinely think (and know) that for us to continue forward and not have the constant backwards taht means we have to push to get there and demand and that also means we have to make an effort to end the harm we then see on screen. rape culture dictates these shows. it relies on it. it is disgusting but rape culture is the norm, the norm is the oppression so we have to attack it otherwise it sticks and htat’s exactly why we see what we see.

and the unacceptability of gender fluidity is what keeps the genre SO INFLEXIBLE sincerely. it honestly just pulls so heavily from patriarchy and the roles in which we have to follow to uphold that structure. 

it’s really just not enough to show us things any more wihtout taking it into consideration. and like ive mentioned there’s soooooooooo much media that has a lot to say that embeds itself. there’s this thing my friend linked me to on re-examining queerness in korean cinema (much like my dad’s country; patriarchal, more “conservative, anti lgbtq+, reliant on capital. africa is different because of the blackness component but the structures aided by colonialism absolutely remain and continue and that’s how we see such similarities. thse countries are more “overt” in this output but still you know. america. sucks) because we are trying to re-evaluate what it means to be heard and seen. the different ways and sort of the message that a lot of us as lgbtq+ can feel. you know, how we can get a feeling on if a person has our same experience, how we kind of have to learn to identify that. not sure if this makes sense...

your mom sounds really cool. and i’m fucking sorry. so many men do that. i live with both my parents but even then i see this power imbalance i can’t stand and you know i would have believed it was normal if i wasnt able to learn aand had to build up thinking skills. there was one day that it hit me that there are parts of my parents relationship i abhor, that are imbalanced, that make me find my father disgusting and make me ashamed of my mother. i don’t want that to happen to me or my potential children. if i have a male partner for life, which i am sure i will because offffffff heteronormativity and homophobia and being half black american half nigerian, he cannot recreate that. i am optimistic on what people can do without needing such grand structures or the support of the elite etc you know? that’s how we know there’s good work that exists and people we can find that arent with the status quou!!! 

and who want a better world. we have to know we can rally that together. i think part of that is constant demanding of things to do better. there’s a rage against the machine song called settle for nothing and it’s about 0 compromise. there’s a famous quote i dont remember by who that’s basically like there’s an idea that there’s a limit to asking for dignity and what you deserve because when people realize they can live better lives they want to cultivate that more and more but that means a loss of control and a sharing of power from the top. nothing is ever enough if it can be better and we are allowed to demand it (or take it.) we deserve the world, we are being told that we’re asking fo rtoo much. are we? really? 

i was thinking about the children thing as well bc...lmao i was so tightly contorlled as a child and it really messed me up but at the same time, like you, i honestly do not want my children watching drivel. like even with youtube. a friend of mine said that what she thinks she will do is try and hammer home how fantastical these things are, they do not reflect reality, and to get them to understand the spectacle. at the same time i’m like does a child really need to watch these dumb tiktok stars or jake paul? but then im like i really dont want to control them. but like what if ur kid asks u to go to some like fucking BL concert or some shit like what do you say to that?!??! I DONT WANNA SAY NO BUT AT THE SAME TIME UHHHHlmao but at the same time we have to give them tools to analyze and do the right things and follow their hearts

however,

as you know

LOL

tysm for responding, lovely talking to you and hearing your thoughts!!!

oh btw so u r from kashmar? that is very cool......VERY COOL

[just-ornstein]

Capp siblings, Tybalt, Juliette & Hermia ❤️💔🌈🔮🌷🍕

Ahhh my children! <3 Thank you for this ask!

Tybalt Capp: ❤️: OTP Mercutio/Tybalt... I mean is that even a surprise? Besides the enemies to friends to lovers trophe that I absolutely adore, reading Shakespeare, the play "Tybalt and Mercutio are Dead", watching the movies and their Sims bios/memories, I felt like both may have way more in common than they might think! Both the black sheep of their family, ton of responsibilities placed on their shoulders from a young age and in reality both simply want to be told that they're doing a good job. I think that once they'd put their Monty/Capp status aside and have a genuine conversation they'd quickly come to realize they're not that different at all!

💔: No OTP Honestly, I'm not too big on Tybalt with anyone but Mercutio (even though Puck/Tybalt can be kinda cute). However, I cannot for the life of me imagine Tybalt in a straight relationship, even makes me mildly uncomfortable because I so strongly headcanon him as gay. To anyone that does like him as straight, totally cool, more fun to you! In the end everyone plays Sims differently and as long as you're having fun that's all that matters. :D I just cannot imagine Tybalt as Straight myself haha.

🌈: Sexuality Ohhh, this dude is gay, very, very gay. He didn't realize for the longest time, just thinking he hadn't found the right girl yet, until well... He got to know Mercutio properly and he was shot with Cupid's arrow. A lot of frustration piled up that he didn't even realize had to do with the fact he was developing feelings for someone.

🔮: Something Random With some Occult ancestry on his father's side he may have more magic running in the family than he might think. ;) He's also amazing at fencing, something that was taught to him from an early age on and often used for self-defense... And sometimes simply to show-off. Cares a great deal about his family as well, like his sisters are his everything. A secondary Family Sim for sure!

🌷: Flowers or Plants They Like Tybalt has a lot of internal turmoil but he has some fond memories of picking flowers with his mom as a child. Forget-Me-Not was a common flower to be found and sometimes he still likes to be near them to be reminded of his mom. Amaryllis is also a flower he loves, planted in the Veronaville gardens his mom would sometimes pick a few pretty ones to put on his room. They represent pride and self-confidence. The name meaning 'to sparkle' because Cordelia loved seeing her son blossom into the young and loving person he was turning out to be. Sadly when she died his self-confidence went down the drain and he became way more agressive about trying to keep up that pride. These flowers are some he does keep on his room, or pick out when he sees them blooming in the garden to bring to his parents grave. Lastly Wolfbane also known as Aconitum. A beautiful purple flower often associated with Occults. This one I picked for him because I feel like that while they are beautiful, these flowers are often associated with a warning sign, to remain cautious. But even misantrophy and death. The colour purple is also associated with magic, richness and royalty (and all 3 of these flowers have pinkish-purple colours, or at least variations that have it). The reason why I picked these in particular? Well... It will later on become more apparent as the story progresses. ;)

🍕: Pizza Topping Onions, pepperoni and extra cheese!

Juliette Capp: ❤️: OTP I don't really have an OTP for her, but I do like her with Romeo and while I'm actually pairing Romeo with someone else for the first time. They're still a pairing that I think is cute and could definitely work on the long run. But they need to remain open and honest with each other. I don't interpret Romeo being a Romance Sim as him being unfaithful, but rather that he cares a great deal about romance, loves affection and may, be polygamous. Once they talk everything out I think they would literally die for each other, I mean hey, they're Romeo and Juliette! They'd be the type of super cutesy couple you'd see on the street, sharing ice cream, laughing, etc.

💔: No OTP I don't think I have a pairing for Juliette that I genuinely dislike. At least I haven't ran across anything that made me go: Ehhhh.

🌈: Sexuality As Straight as a pole! She might be bi-curious, but I think she would lean way more to men. She's also asexual!

🔮: Something Random Is actually very good at writing poetry and keeps several collections in her room, she would likely send them to Romeo or read them for him. And Romeo? Has kept every single one she's written for him in a specially assigned book in his room. He keeps them very close to him as they're very special. Juliette also probably doesn't even want to be the Heiress, but it appears she doesn't have much of a choice. She was raised to carry on the name, something she had been prepared for since birth. But she doesn't dare bring it up, most of it is probably placed in underlying insecurities. If she had someone she could talk to she would probably feel way more confident in her role.

🌷: Flowers or Plants They Like Sunflowers! Their brightness and colours just bring so much happiness to her and if it came to her she would probably have grown them in the garden of their mansion as well. Sunflowers also stand for faithfulness, loyalty and adoration, something which in my opinion greatly represents Juliette who's probably of the most supportive people you can have in your friend group.

🍕: Pizza Topping Tomatoes, cheese, olives, onions and mozzarella! If she's feeling especially daring green peppers on top of it as well.

Hermia Capp: ❤️: OTP Hermia/Puck or Hermia/Puck/Romeo! I wasn't too sure on Hermia/Puck at first until a friend of mine really managed to sell me on the idea. They're soulmates, very much meant to be together, loving to share knowledge with each other, tarots, fortune telling, magic, etc. They also love each other for everything that they are, even the flaws, trusting each other with everything. I cannot really say why I love Hermia/Puck/Romeo yet as it would be a major story spoiler, but I do think Hermia and Romeo have way more in common than one might think as well. c:

💔: No OTP Hermia/Mercutio, I simply cannot see it happening. While I think she may have held feeling towards him, they weren't deeply rooted and in the end Puck had always been her first love. Mercutio does eventually understand and move on from it as well. They remain close friends.

🌈: Sexuality She's bi and falls for someones personality. While she can develop crushes easily, she only falls in love deeply after developing a deep and emotional bond with someone.

🔮: Something Random Hermia is a trans woman, something she knew very early on. Her family and friends have been nothing but supportive! Hermia, despite what her interests may reflect is actually fascinated by magic, occults, sci-fi, etc. Similarly to Tybalt she's got magical ancestory and if stimulated it's very likely she might become one of the most powerful Witches the world has ever seen. She's always been interested in nature and Puck's fairy ancestory and likely would want to become a part of that world in the future as well.

🌷: Flowers or Plants They Like Unlike her siblings Hermia is moreso a succulent type of person. Being into magic and dating Puck she's started making herself more familiar with them, as well as herbs and spices, to try and get into making medicines and potions. Succulents are also way easier to take care off than flowers which can decay rather easily. If she had to pick a flower she'd like (although she would mostly use it for her hair or decorations) it would be a Sea Holly, which despite their prickly and torny exterior have beautifully dark colours, which is also great to be used in medicines.

🍕: Pizza Topping Mozzarella pizzas are her favourites, she also likes herbs on top of it for some additional flavours.

[topsytervy]

Rafe with an Asexual Reader

Because it’s Ace Awareness Week (hello, by the way, I’m not dead), I decided to do a kind of canon Rafe (minus the murder) little thing with an Asexual reader.

Word Count: that’s a good question

Warnings: like one mention of cocaine, swearing, talks about sex, mentions an ex trying to out the ace reader (WHICH ISNT COOL! DONT EVER OUT SOMEONE! IT’S THEIR DECISION OF WHEN AND WHO TO COME OUT TO!), i think thats it

Everyone knows Rafe as the kook prince

has issues with his dad, has a coke addiction 

Has definitely had some adventures in the bedroom if you're picking up what I'm putting down (lets face it, there’s a good chance Rafe is kinky)

Has had his fair share of casual hookups

And let’s be honest, Rafe’s attractive

I mean, have you seen his eyes?

And while many girls saw him at a party and thought 'cant wait to get him out of those khakis'

You thought about how amazing his hugs probably were because, holy shit, his arms

No one even thought Rafe knew what asexuality was (and they were right)

It started when you accidentally bumped into him at a kegger at the boneyard, causing him to spill his beer

"Oh shit, Rafe! I'm so sorry! It's all over your shirt!"

 Rafe was pissed but when you apologized and genuinely looked upset about the damage you had done, he was a bit less pissed

After all, you were trying to fix your mistake and he was touched by that fact, considering your friend group despised him

You told him you had a Tide to go stick in your backpack that was over by Kie at the campfire and he followed you

You grabbed your backpack from Kie, not wanting JJ to start shit with the kook and you and Rafe walked away from the noise of the kegger.

Rafe noticed the pins on your backpack and was interested by them, taking in each one of them as you dug through your bag

You had some pins of cartoons like Courage the Cowardly Dog, Scooby Doo, PowerPuff Girls, The Simpsons, South Park, etc. But also some random ass pins JJ pocketed from stores that he thought you’d like

But there was one pin that stood out from the rest.

A pin that was black, grey, white and purple striped

"What's that one?" He asked, pointing at it.

"Oh...uh...its the asexual flag…"

You were out but you weren’t out, if you know what I mean

The only people you came out to were JJ, John B, Pope, Kie, your parents, your ex, and Sarah after she joined the group but that's a whole different story

Your ex threatened to tell everyone on the Island after you broke up with them but after a quite successful threat from John B, Pope, JJ, and Kiara that ended with Pope (or Kie if your ex is a girl) decking them, they kept it quiet

Rafe raised an eyebrow to the new term presented to him 

"If you don't mind me asking, could you explain what that means?"

"Uhh...its the flag for asexuality…"

"I get the flag part. Just the asexual part is what I need explained to me."

You explained it to him as best as you could, but in the end you just said “I don’t desire the sexual parts of a relationship”

Rafe leaned back, completely intrigued by the fact that you had no sexual attraction 

"So asexuals just...dont really do sex."

"I mean...there's a lot more to it. There’s an entire ace spectrum and it’s a lot to break down.”

"Okay. Break it down for me."

You guys talked about the ace spectrum for 2 and a half hours before noticing that the party was dying down

You two stood up, deciding that both of you needed to find your friends before they found you and thought that Rafe assaulted you or something

"I kind of like the idea of that." "Of what?" "Being with someone who just doesn't really care about the sex part of the relationship but the other aspects of it." 

When Rafe got home that night, he watched Anthony Padilla interview asexuals and googled it as if he had an essay due the next day

He knew he wasn't ace but he found it interesting to learn about, maybe it was the thought that someone could love and care about him and not just want him for sex

When Sarah got up at 2 am for a glass of water, she saw him still up and on his phone

"Texting a booty call?" "No." "Telling a girl that last night was fun and all but if anything, you want to keep it casual?" "No, Sarah."

She walked in to look at what he was doing, only to see that he was reading an asexual article

"Either you've discovered something about yourself, which I find kind of hard to believe no offense, or you met Y/N." "I did, in fact, meet Y/N." 

He slowly started making his way up the ladder from acquaintance to friend and eventually, months later, he asked you out on a little casual at home date

JJ practically launched himself off the couch the first time Rafe walked into the chateau behind you

You quickly managed to somehow stop the blonde from getting close enough to throw a punch at the older boy

"Why is he here?" JJ asked, practically shooting daggers at the boy with his eyes. "Its fine. We're just here for my charger and then we'll be on our way, J" JJs gaze went from Rafe to you. "I'm sorry. Run that back." You grabbed JJs hand and pulled him into the kitchen as Rafe stood awkwardly in the doorway. "I promise you, he has no bad intentions. He made that clear from the start.." "You don't know his motives, Y/N, and people lie. Especially people like Rafe." JJ glanced at Rafe from where he stood. "JJ please. He's different from what you think." You begged. JJ looked at you and you gave him a little pout and the classic puppy dog eyes. JJ rubbed his hands over his face before holding them up in surrender. "Fine. Fine. But if it goes south, you better text me-" "Pecan Pie. I know. Thank you, JJ." You said before grabbing your charger from the counter and scurrying off.

The date was literally just you two in his living room with you curled up into his side as you guys watched childhood movies together

"Okay, you're up. What's a movie you watched when you were younger?" "The Great Mouse Detective." "Alright."

You two ended up falling asleep at some point during the second Mulan and Sarah came home

She had to cover her mouth with her hand to stop her herself from squealing at the fact that her horny ass brother was getting into a relationship who just didn't have the horniness

She snapped a picture and sent it to John B, who showed the rest of the Pogues and JJ felt himself smile a bit cause you looked so peaceful and content

She also sent it to Rafe 

When he woke up to see that his sister sent him a text he was annoyed at first but opened it nonetheless

He smiled when he saw the picture and immediately saved it to his camera roll

Rafe, reluctantly, woke you up to take you back to the Chateau

As the two of you talked on the porch of John B’s house, discussing details of your next date, the pogues, minus Kie, watched out the window before John B slowly opened it so he could listen

“Really? You three on going to eavesdrop on a whole conversation that doesn’t involve you?” “Kie, don’t act like your surprised by this fact.”

The night ended with Rafe kissing you cheek before getting back into his truck and pulling out of the driveway

You watched him leave as you addressed your audience

“I know you three are at the window. Stop acting like you’re discreet about it. You guys would be the worst fucking spies ever because you opened a window that hasn’t been greased in eternity so it squeaks when you open it and a spy would know better than to do that.”

[that-was-anticlimactic]

📂 hmmm let's see... how about Toph?

aw Toph Beifong, how I love you,

Okay. So. First:

Obviously, Toph can tell when people are lying, but much like how the gaang always forgets that she’s blind, they forget that she’s a living lie detector. After the war ends, the kiddos are all obviously traumatized and always ask each other how they’re doing and they usually always say “fine” and Toph can feel that they’re lying but she just... doesn’t do anything. Sometimes it’s obvious a person is lying, but sometimes they can really pull it off and Toph is the only one who knows. She just lets them be, though, because she would want to be left alone too. In her mind, if it was a big enough deal, they wouldn’t say that they’re fine (also because that’s the reasoning she gives herself to not talk about her problems). She doesn’t want to push them.

Eventually, and let’s use Aang here because poor kid suffers so much trauma and no one really talks about that much (myself included, I need to pay more attention to Aang), Aang’s mental health really starts declining and everyone is really worried but Toph always lets it go because she doesn’t want to push him or stress him out. One time, it’s so bad that they ask Toph to out Aang for lying and she just shrugs and says “he wasn’t lying” even though he definitely was.

After a week or two like this, Aang kind of just breaks down and Toph instantly feels guilty because deep down she feels like she could have prevented it, but she didn’t. It’s one of those times when she learns that letting people believe a lie, no matter how good intentions are, is worse and more hurtful than telling the truth.

It kind of starts making her more honest than before. She began by calling everyone out on every little lie until she realized it would probably be better to talk to people in private and I just... mmm... I feel like Toph wields so much power after the war because everyone will always say “I’m fine” and she knows, she knows, they’re lying.

And now for an angsty Toph-related headcanon because I said so:)

Toph’s parents. Mmmm. I have not read the comics and also I heard they were... iffy... so we’re disregarding comics here. Toph’s parents kind of suck. Like, once she talks to them after the war, they treat her like a helpless child again and not the LITERAL HERO she is. She doesn’t live with them, but she wants a relationship with them, even though she physically cannot make her say it out loud. So, eventually she blows up at them and Earthbends and her parents are like “okay, if you’re not a child, then start acting like an adult” and COMPLETELY misread the intention behind what Toph was saying. Ontop of that, they constantly complain about everything to her. Like trivial things. They complain about trivial things to a traumatized child (not to mention they did like nothing during the war smh, they just sat there and were rich). Like, they complain about each other to Toph say all of these things that she never wanted to hear ever and that no parents should actually burden their child with. Eventually she just... stops.

She just never answers letters, never returns to the city, much less the house. And it just... it kills her because she wanted to fix their relationship. She wanted to try and be a family again and she tried. She tried so hard but her parents never pit any effort in.

It was actually Zuko (or Azula...) who kind of made her realize. Like, I’m just gonna say: Sokka and Katara HATE Toph’s parents, like, with a burning passion. Toph offhandedly mentioned some of the terrible things her mom said about her dad and vice versa to the gaang and Katara was about to go give them the biggest lecture they had ever received. Katara lowkey got all mother hen (but sometimes Suki would have to drag her back and be like “you’re smothering her” so Toph wouldn’t feel like Katara was acting like her parents) (and again, Toph would never say it outloud, but she could never think of Katara in that way ever. She’s SUCH a better person than her parents could ever be) and would try and... not be the mother Toph never got to have, but give her the support she never had.

Anyways, Zuko or Azula talk to Toph and are like “take it from one abused child to another, your parents are abusing you” which just confirms the suspicions she had deep down but refused to believe. She was just filled with so much rage because it’s not fair and she was trying so hard but her parents really don’t care about her in the way that they should of and she gave them so many chances to be better but they never took it.

okay so, sadness over, let’s make Toph happy:)

Toph is asexual (and maybe aromantic, unsure as of right now) because I said so:))

Toph takes great pleasure in going to The Jasmine Dragon and just... listening to make sure no one is ever rude to Iroh or any of the other employees ever. If they are, she causes trouble so they can feel ashamed for being mean to people in food service.

no you know what? Am I going too overboard? Yes. Do I care? No. One friendship Toph headcanon for everyone in the gaang.

Aang: Toph and Aang both help remind the other that they’re children because they both forget sometimes. Toph is great at taking Aang away from work and making him take breaks and spend time for himself rather than others. Aang is great at giving Toph the “having friends as a child” experience she never had. He teaches her games he learned from all four nations as a child and sometimes they do really ‘childish’ things like playing bending tag or even like regular tag with each other just because it’s nice.

Katara: oooh the Toph and Katara friendship is one of my favorites in the show. The two are both ridiculously competitive. Like. Out of everyone in the gaang, they are the most competitive (let’s be real, Sokka is too petty and WE NEED TO FOLLOW THE GAMES RULES to be competitive and Zuko just gets angry and rage quits). But eventually, they learn that they’re stronger when they work together and make a competitive truce. So whenever people need to team up for games, they immediately go to each other and they destroy everyone.

Sokka: Sokka and Toph ahhhhh I love them so much. Sokka adopted Toph as his daughter-sister, as in he can’t choose whether he wants to replace her dad and be her dad or be the protective but not overly protective older brother she never had, so he calls himself “father-brother” and everyone hates it, but Sokka was never good at naming things. Also, one time they were really bored, so they decided to try and invent a language that is never spoken, but can be interpreted through Earthbending. Like, different methods of bending meant different things and stuff. It worked... kind of? Sokka likes learning and Toph likes kicking dirt and making people confused about what they were doing. They both have short attention spans, though, so they didn’t get far. They each still remember s=certain things and still talk through it (since Sokka is not an Earthbender, he taps his foot on the ground or kicks dirt a certain way. It’s kind of like morse code, bit different because only Toph can feel the taps).

Suki: Suki Suki Suki I love you! Suki is Toph’s go-to for fake relationships. Like. These two have been in a fake relationship with each other too many times to count. Toph’s parents invite her to a formal event but she needs to bring a date (and also she doesn’t want to go but she wants to repair the relationship)? Suki is her date. Suki needs to attend a royal event because she’s the highest Fire Nation palace guard (because I said so)? Toph comes as her date. A random person is hitting on either of them and they don’t know how to respond without unnecessary violence? Find the other and kiss their face.

Zuko: Zuko and Toph, what a pair. They both find beauty in nature (in different ways, obviously), so they’re walking buddies. They’ve gone on hikes together, like week-long hikes together. They’ll walk around the palace together... sometimes they’ll just sit together in silence because they don’t always need words to be friends.

Azula: (because yes, I am including the three girls): y’all. These two together can scare the entire world. Not just because they are actually insanely powerful, but because they make the most horrific self-deprecating jokes known to man and say it with intense seriousness that everyone has been genuinely worried at some point before they caught on (if it’s serious, they say it as a joke). One time, they both made these depressing jokes at lunch and Aang choked on his food. He didn’t die, but like. He was so unprepared that he choked. What I’m saying is, these two have a really weird relationship that takes place entirely through insults at each other, theirself, and everyone they love.

Ty Lee: Toph was actually scared of Ty Lee at first because of her chi blocking abilities. Not like terrified-scared, but like if you even take one more step towards me I will smash you with a boulder no matter your intentions-scared. Also, Ty Lee was so perky and kind of loud and Toph found that suspicious at first. It wasn’t like an Aang perky or loud, it was like... well, Toph couldn’t explain it (as in, I, op, cannot explain it), but it was a bit overwhelming? And then one time Ty Lee just. randomly visited her at her parents’ house even though they “weren’t friends” and Toph was just ????? but let her come in for dinner anyway because she kind of wanted to see how her parents would react to this peppy girl. Her parents ended up making a kind of snide remark at Toph’s expense during dinner (which was the usual but Toph didn’t realize it was a b u s e) and Ty Lee went off. That’s when Toph knew there were reasons to be terrified of this girl, but she would never be on the receiving end of her fury unless she really deserved it. They have very different family situations, but take pleasure in actually talking about it to each other. Because Ty Lee is a very open person and Toph is not. Toph thinks it’s nice to just let Ty Lee ramble on (kind of like Mai) and Ty Lee thinks Toph gives really good advice and has good insights (plus strives to help her feel more comfortable with her feelings). They become spontaneous buddies and randomly show up at each other’s houses when they’re living at home and it’s just nice.

Mai: last but never least, Mai and Toph! These two. feel for each other. so much. Rich kids, only children, parents who ignore them, ahhhhh, do you smell that? The repression of feelings:) Sometimes, they prefer to just be around each other because everyone else can kind of be overwhelming. They can communicate through few words and they both like throwing things, so they like sparring together a lot, It gives them a chance to throw things with another person who likes throwing things. For them, sparring is like this connection and it’s own method of loving each other (as friends do) and it’s just really nice for both of them.

Okay. I am done. Thank you, Grace, for fueling me.

I love Toph and I don’t give her enough attention.