#i wrote this a year ago

[astriloquus1]

I hate you

I don't feel strong emotions. I don't show them. That's what people want. And, guess I am a people pleaser. I stay quiet, put my head down. The more I look at others, the more I hate myself. But you, when I look at you, I hate you.

I hate you For being so loud, and for making me want to look at you. And just as I turn to look away, I hate you, for smiling and making me smile. (And just like that, I knew, Darling I'd set the world on fire for you. I'm scared, How far have I set this yearn for you ablaze?)

I hate you You talk and I want to listen, I want to look into your eyes and get lost And I know I sound crazy, And I hate you, for making me crazy about you.

(And as much as I deny it, I knew, I hate you so much that I think about you all the time. Can you hear it, in my silence that reaches to you?)

I hate you. Ruffling your perfect hair, Making me wonder how it would feel, To wake up next to you And see how perfect your hair would be.

(And my heart flutters around you. I hate you for giving me these feelings, I'm confused, what am I to do with this?)

I hate you For staying, For not running away I hate you, for not trying to melt my ice down, but guarding it with your own flames.

I hate you stupid.

I hate you for taking away a part of me, without even trying. I hate you for giving me all of you, without even asking. i hate you, for making me fall for you.

(And somewhere, In between or beyond these lines, I think, that I dread, that I love you.)

{ I knew you were a bad idea but here I am. And it's been the best idea I've ever had. }

[realcrocodiletears]

music i love - five seconds flat (2022)

This album just does something to me that I can’t describe. The way I have developed an emotional, personal attachment to this record is something uncanny for myself. Being familiar with Lizzy McAlpine from her rise to fame on TikTok, and her song “Apple Pie” graciously shown to me by my girlfriend, five seconds flat was a new, breath-taking experience. It builds upon her prodigal composition skills and superb songwriting, while also expanding on her mellow, acoustic, melancholic sound. One we were previously familiar with on her debut record. There is something about five seconds flat that allows it to be melodic and soothing at times, or angry and grungy, or cheery and buoyant. The record is as versatile as it is consistent; Lizzy shows she isn’t afraid of taking risks or going outside of her bubble.

There is a story being told as the track list progresses, and by the pre-concluding track, “chemtrails”, it’s put into its entire perspective. Speaking about the closer, chemtrails, first is important because it symbolizes a type of loss yet to be explored on a the record: death. "chemtrails" is about Lizzy maneuvering life without her late-father, consistent with the theme of the album. Longing and loss are at the heart of the album; it being marketed with theme of skulls, ghosts, and the end of everything. Love is the prevalent theme on five seconds flat; loss of a partner, tragic death of love, the pursuit of love. “all my ghosts” captures this pursuit beautifully, painting an accurate picture of the honeymoon phase, the trauma of heartbreak, and the recklessness that can come with love. There is a lyric that I just love on the 8th track, “ceilings”. The lyric is “and it feels like the start of a movie I’ve seen before”, and it tells us how Lizzy has been here before when falling and love, knowing well how things may end, causing her to hold back from it.  “ceilings” also being the most notable track on the album that projected Lizzy into the mainstream.

Production on five seconds flat also expands on her soft sounding acoustics from her debut record without sacrificing her signature tone, harmonic vocal stacks, or acoustic presence. I absolutely love the way the strings introduce the second chorus of “called you again”, or the funky synth line that takes over the bridge of “erase me”. The mixes are done perfectly to compliment and contrast the grungier moments on “firearm”, or the soothing vocals on “hate to be lame”. Lizzy’s voice manages to compliment the calmer moments with the highs of her range, or fill the mix during punchier chorus lines with the lows. Philip Etherington Ehren Ebbage is credited for the production of this record and he did an outstanding job at transcending the indie, soft-spoken, melodic sound we were used to, to one that improves and expands to a fuller more dynamic tracklist.

As a piece of art, five seconds flat works so well, showcasing lyrically and sonically the highest highs, the lowest lows, and everything in between. It builds personal connections with the listener, giving you a place to cry, scream, shout or whatever. It’s also worth mentioning there is also a whole short film that goes with the tracks on the album. How cool is that? Easily one of my all-time favourites, and my favourite release of 2022. I mean it when I say I would do anything to listen to five seconds flat for the first time again. 

9/10

~ will

[nikdymetonedostihne]

“A co je ti po tom? Co je ti kurva po tom ‘gustíne?” “Drž hubu, dvojko.” “Alespoň mu vykej měj tu laskavost, dvojko” “Mistr, který nadává, nebije” “Ale ty jsi jeho, debile.”

[romansleftshoulderpad]

As a writer, I love going back through the comments I've gotten on AO3. I promise that the minute you take of your time has been appreciated for hours/months/years

[runaway-misfit]

I went out tonight with My closest friend. And then I saw the person that used to be my closest friend. And I thought to myself when will we become like me and her? When you leave? When you realize I'm only a person and I can't be your backbone. You ask me to move to another state with you but I barely have the bravey to move out of this house!

[thelavendernarwhal]

I found a short story I wrote for an assignment and thought it was too neat to sit in my drafts, so here we are. (For context, the prompt was to write about a picture and I wrote about the Dark Margin based on a painting I made of it. Convoluted, I know.)

A harsh prick of light stung their eyes as they stared out over the sprawling ocean. The rock outcropping they crouched behind provided enough cover for their pupils to adjust but they craned their head around it before they were ready, not wanting to wait in the shadows any longer than needed. How long has it been since they’ve stopped at this place? It felt like years. They guessed it could have been, but it very well could have been a few minutes at the same time. Time was a funny thing down here.

Not that it mattered much. Subdued waves still crawled onto the rocky shore while pink and blue patches shifted around the corners of the sky in their kaleidoscope pattern as they did before, so not too much had changed in whatever interval had passed. Even the worn rock they had rested on last time was nestled into the sand right where they left it. Maybe it’d be nice to take up shop there once more. The longer they dwelled on the thought, it was pure luck that they found this spot again. The scattered maze-like landscape of this world rarely ever led someone to the same place twice, let alone a place they wanted to be.

They glanced around the clearing with a closer eye first. Too many times had they settled down somewhere only to be ambushed by whatever lurked in this realm to trust their first judgment. Although, it should be fine here. The creatures of this abyss wouldn’t be able to handle any areas this bright. With that final piece of resolve, a familiar calm settled into their bones as they crept into the clearing and sat down on their smoothed stone. It was…nice, for lack of a better word, to know that some brightness could be found in the dark, no matter how muted. At an earlier, more hopeful time, they might have entertained the idea that if they swam toward it for long enough, they could escape this world. Not that they’d ever try it, but it was a comforting thought nonetheless.

They didn’t know why, but this little spot always made them a tad bit sentimental. Perhaps it was the backdrop of a sky that didn’t move as much as its colorful counterparts or the gentle feeling of water lapping against their feet, but it never failed to make it easier to think. Even the stony structures on the beach and towering out of the sea seemed more solid here than anywhere else.

Slowly, their eyes adjusted enough to look far out into the horizon; endless miles of water greeted them, reflecting the ashy sky and filling the air with salt. They never recognized how beautiful it was to use their senses until all they could pick up was dark and decay. How long has it been since they’ve gone to a real beach? Too long, that’s for sure. That would be like trying to understand how long they’ve been down here; a mystery they have attempted to solve countless times but gave up on before they could reach a satisfying answer. It could have been the tranquility around them, but part of them wanted to try figuring it out again.

Although, it would have to be when that same tranquility wasn’t trying to pull them into sleep. Granted, the rock wasn’t very comfortable for that kind of activity, but maybe a few winks would let them dream of a day with real sunlight and the sounds of a warm ocean breeze. They sighed, settling into the gray sand and leaning their back against their smoothed stone. For now, this sea will have to do.

[lady-shadow-and-darkness]

Hear me out :

Teen Dazai and Chuuya going around finding every single arcade in the entire city and always having the very top two high scores in most of the games to the point where every single teen who has ever lived in Yokohama and has gone to any arcade is like "I don't know who the fuck Mackerel and Slug are but they're annoying."

[thebestiaryofboysiveloved]

Lover

We talk about sex in the kitchen 

And later, while I am brushing my teeth

I remember the black bow on my underwear 

Inviting you to untie it

Peel me open like a present 

And the twinge I feel

Is equal parts shame and longing

Perhaps I should not think of you like this

But then, I knew it would happen

I hunger for what I cannot have 

Because it is safest to linger 

In sure rejection 

You have had sex more recently

Than I have

And I wonder if you untied me 

Would you be repulsed to learn

That my grand tales of fucking

Are mostly the same tale

In different costumes

You could not love me 

Because I do not know how to love you

Or at least, this is what I tell myself 

Really I should mastrubate more

Perhaps then I would stop seeing you

Pulling me into a kiss in the hallway

Your famous hands wrapping their way

Around my body 

More hand than man

But man all the same 

I love you in that you are my friend

In that you make me feel safe

You laugh at my jokes

And care when I am sad 

Is this love or a cry for decency? 

I am trying to seek out others 

Strong boys with big hands

But they elude me

Maybe because I am focused on you

Or maybe they can smell my near-virginity

Sure I lost it

But how long can it stay lost before it is found again

I don’t think I will ever tell you

How I feel 

Like most things

It wouldn’t be fair

[nataliescatorccio]

"I always used to get a lot of impostor syndrome, and feel like I was a bad actor, because I don’t do actor-y things like [using emotional memory]. It’s kind of like a last resort for me. I have more of a technical approach to acting, where research is the bulk of it. Making sure that I understand every single thing that’s on the page, every word. I know what my character’s favourite colour is, I know how she sounds, I know how she walks. I know what her fucking middle name is." - ELLA PURNELL

[rev-pirate]

Happy 10 year Anniversary to Tumblr Heritage Post Thrift Shoppe by Pixlriffs 

[astriloquus1]

I don't need to write a lot anymore. I don't need to watch sappy romcoms or read books about love. I don't need to draw or paint or cook or stress clean anymore All that I did to get my mind off a void of yearning, I don't need to do anymore. My mind's not tangled all up. I don't have that conflict of heart anymore.

Everything feels like it's all right, Nothing worries me like it used to, Everything seems more beautiful.

All of this, because of you. So if this isn't love, What is?

[ratbastarddotfuck]

idk man my sense of masculinity is built upon joy and strong hugs and big laughs and protecting the people around me by drawing the attention of assholes to myself. when I was younger I used to go for the "brood and be grumpy" shtick, and it just made me and the people around me feel bad. I think my power now is in the ability to unwaveringly be a silly goofy guy. I want to bring laughter & love to a space. and obviously that's not a uniquely masculine trait (there's no such thing) but it's one of the biggest factors in how I experience my transmasc gender. god. I love being big and loud and full of love. promise me you won't be afraid to be bold?

[bixels]

The idea that uni protesters are "elitist ivy-league rich kids larping as revolutionaries" on Twitter and Reddit and even here is so fucking funny to me if you actually know anything about the student bodies at these unis. Take it from someone who's going to one of the biggest private unis in the US, 80% of the peers I know are either from the suburbs or an apartment somewhere in America, children of immigrants, or here on a student visa. I've heard about one-percenter students, but I've never met one in person. Like, don't get me wrong, the institution as a whole is still very privileged and white. I've talked with friends and classmates about feeling weird or dissonant being here and coming from such a different background. But in my art program, I see BIPOC, disabled, queer, lower-income students and faculty trying to deconstruct and tear that down and make space every day. So to take a cursory glance at a crowd of student protesters in coalitions that are led by BIPOC & 1st/2nd-gen immigrant students and HQ'd in ethnic housings and student organizations and say, "ah. children of the elite." Get real.

[avicecaro]

i think it’s important everyone knows about the little roman girl who died at only five years and seven months old, and her grave reads "dum vixi, lusi" or "while i lived, i played"

[clonerightsagenda]

Thank you for applying for a library card!

We are a large metropolitan library with twelve branches here in the city and a consortial agreement with ninety-seven different timelines (and counting). Your card is your ticket to our physical and digital collections, where we have something for everyone.

You’ve indicated that you are licensed for time travel and regularly travel in time or between timelines for work purposes, so you are eligible for our trans-timeline borrower’s card. Please read this document carefully to ensure you’re using your new card to its fullest potential and in compliance with library policy.

Our services:

The library has a floating collection, meaning items remain at the branch where they were returned rather than being sent back to the lending branch. However, we do return inter-timeline loans to their home universe to minimize temporal strain. If you’re browsing the shelves and see a book phasing in and out of existence, alert an employee. It’s probably misshelved.  

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You asked, and we listened. Our new online catalog displays reviews from patrons from all relevant timelines on items exceeding a 90% similarity score. We request that patrons keep debates over the superiority of their timeline’s version to venues other than our catalog.

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The library has a robust inter-timeline loan system. If you’re looking for a book or article not published in this timeline, fill out our online form or ask at the circulation desk. The average wait time for an ITL request is five business days. That’s shortened to three if you’re requesting an item stored at the James Patterson Interdimensional Warehouse. (Note: This estimate may change as the warehouse continues to expand under its own power, or if our courier gets lost there.)

Our policies:

We do not accept returns before the publication date (month and year). Cataloging books paradoxically created through stable time loops gets too complicated. You can check a book’s month of publication in a review journal like Booklist, which we make available online and in our non-circulating magazine collection.

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Violence is against library policy. If you are about to battle your alternate self from another timeline because you ran into each other in the cookbook section, take it to the parking lot.

In conclusion:

Libraries are committed to free access to information, and with the resources of dozens of timelines available to us, our mission has only gotten bigger. In fact, we’re hiring! If you’re looking for somewhere new to apply your time travel certification, we’re looking for team members in our inter-timeline loan department. Entry-level courier positions do not require an MLIS. Familiarity with James Patterson is a plus.

We can’t wait to see you in our library. (Maybe we already have.)  

[originalartblog]

I can excuse Dazai not trying to nullify Shibusawa's fog because Fyodor was there, and they really could have just incapacitated Dazai and gone right back to their nefarious plan

but the facts are that Shibusawa was unknowingly keeping himself alive as a singularity and Dazai can nullify singularities, so there was a much less convoluted way to stop him.