#i wrote this down. because i was too scared and sad about the recent chapter | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sideblogforcrimpy-plus · 8 months

Text

Rinse; Repeat

Words: 4,478, chapter one of probably two.

Rated: Handle with care, cw suicidal thoughts/discussion, canon typical violence, hints at abuse/bullying

Summary: Spencer and Derek meet before either of them are in the BAU. Spencer is hesitant as a deer to be close and all Derek wants is to be close (so does Spencer). Spencer is clearly Troubled and Derek just wants to love him softly, honestly. Like filtered afternoon sunlight and sepia filters.

but for real I just, I saw a post that made me laugh and go 'ahaha, unless?' and then sat down uncomfortably on the floor for three hours and wrote this.

For my own comfort/entertainment, Derek and Spencer are closer in age than my recent google search would lead me to believe. Thank (●'◡'●)

---- 2003

Derek was having a truly sucky day. The academy was rough, and as good as he was at all the physical stuff, there were some real smart people and he was so scared that he was all brawn and no brain. Not that he’d readily use the word ‘scared’ to describe himself if he could help it, but he was.

But realistically, he did get this far. So he did have some of the brain, but was it enough? Had he set his sights too high on the BAU?

Still, the doubt and insecurity wasn’t going to have him quit early. Partly because he really, really wanted this, but also partly because what would he tell his family if he’d put so much time into this and failed?

They’d comfort him and say they’re proud; he knows it. But would he be proud?

He doesn’t want to find out.

Dead tired despite the lack of physical training that day, he walked through the house and out to the balcony, only part stopping to shed his jacket and backpack.

The sun was long gone by now, and the stars were too hidden in such a built up area, but he braced himself with his arms on the railing and stretched his neck, trying to relax.

God, how many people even got through the academy each year?

“Chances are, if you’re already in the academy, you’ll come out the other side.”

God?

Had he asked that aloud?

Derek just about jumped out of his skin, training be damned. He was on the top floor and roof access was blocked. He must have made some sort of noise, because the sad, quiet voice came again.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“I’m not- I wasn’t… Startled.” Derek rubbed his forehead, hoping his voice didn’t sound it; startled. He wasn’t sure he’d heard that organically in conversation, more something you come across in text, in books and things.

“Oh. Sorry for assuming?” The speaker was hesitant, like they’d started apologising before they really knew why. Curious, and not thrilled someone had roof access and it wasn’t the guy (and his sister) who had the top floor apartment, Derek leaned out over the railing and twisted his neck, trying to see who answered him.

Before he could get a glimpse, he heard them step back.

How close to the edge was he? He watched as a bit of rubble fell past him and to the concrete below.

“I don’t think that’s something you need to apologise for, man. How’d you get up there, anyway? I was told we weren’t allowed because they don’t have railings. Or insurance, I think.”

“Well, that makes sense. Although a fall from a five story building isn’t guaranteed to be fatal; you’re better off on the eighth floor for that. But then again, there have been people that survived from even that height so, you can’t really win, can you? If you’re scared of heights or something.”

Derek’s curiosity took a quick dive into concern that sped right down to worry.

“Now I think you got that the wrong way around, better off on the lower floors if there’s no railing, right?”

There was a long pause, and Derek wondered if he’d be able to get up onto the roof in a reasonable amount of time if he had a sense of urgency pushing him.

“Perhaps. Can you imagine the injuries you’d be left with after surviving the fall?” He heard a foot scuff the ground above him and thought he’d started sweating despite the cool breeze. “It’d really suck to not have insurance then, huh? As the building owner, I mean.”

“Okay man, well, that’s a dark topic. And since there’s no railing, or maybe no seats up there either, why don’t you join me on my balcony instead? I might even be able to find a beer or something for you.”

“It’s not safe to go into a stranger’s house.”

“It’s not safe to think about people surviving and not surviving falls while you’re alone on a rooftop, close to the edge, and there’s no railing.”

“Well… Perhaps that’s a reasonable counterpoint.”

And that’s how Derek started becoming friends with a bundle of limbs and greasy hair that hid an incredible but haunted mind.

–

Spencer didn’t have a phone, so he’d just show up at Derek’s apartment intermittently. Well, his and Sarah’s. His mother had put money towards them renting it for the duration of Derek’s time at the academy and Sarah’s short term study since they lined up almost the same, with him likely finding some place more permanent for himself after.

He didn’t do well in the claustrophobic, shared dorms of the academy so would escape to the apartment when he could, and Sarah was completing her course close enough to make the apartment almost worth it.

It had two shoebox rooms, and they had to share a bathroom, but it still had two rooms so it was a step up from the low bar the academy set. But she was out often with friends, study, and a part time job while he was still largely sleeping at the dorm, so they hardly saw each other.

He’d come back to Spencer hanging out near the block only a couple times; he didn’t seem to like loitering, like he was concerned Derek’s neighbours would get suspicious.

More often, though, Derek would go out onto the balcony and make some sort of noise, and Spencer would respond from above. Over time, Derek was relieved to note that Spencer was usually not so close to the edge as he was the first night.

But most of the time, unfortunately, was not all of the time.

Spencer wasn’t all that interested in drinking, but he was interested in sharing whatever he’d learned about recently. He absolutely did not share much about himself at all.

Despite how private Derek felt as a person though, he found he was sharing quite a lot about himself with Spencer. It was hard not to, inviting Spencer into a place he and his sister were living in though. She’d met him in passing once or twice, and had commented after he left, thankfully, about how shy he seemed to be.

Spencer was a bit like butter from the fridge; he needed time to soften up every single time he came over to Derek’s.

His most recent obsession, to Derek's suffering, had been body farms. After finding out that Derek was studying at the academy (which he was loath to share on account of those ever-present insecurities), Spencer had told him that he was interested in criminal behaviour, among other related things.

Not in a ‘watch true crime documentaries just for the nightmares, apparently’ kind of way, but more to work out the why, and sometimes guess at the how, of everything. He’d dropped stupid time into geographical profiling, in Derek’s opinion, for someone who wasn’t pursuing a career in a related field.

“And they have one, a body farm that is, in East Tennessee. Did you know that they run ten week courses there? Something they’ve done recently is watching for changes in hair for a body left in a car for two months. That’s so specific, isn’t it? Hair changes in a car? Although it’s safe to assume they’re obviously looking for more at the same time.”

“Obviously,” Derek agreed.

Spencer was way too excited for the topic at hand.

Derek continued before Spencer went back to talking about something like maggot life cycles. “Okay, so if I get through to being an FBI agent and I see a body in a car, you’ll be the first person I call.”

“You mean when. I don’t have a phone.” Spencer’s lips had a little curve, like he was self-conscious of smiling still but couldn’t help it fully.

“Right, right. Can you tell me how to summon you then, or will I just have to come here and call out at the roof until you appear?”

Now that was definitely a smile. Why did that feel just as good as high test scores?

The next time Derek was at the apartment, Spencer didn’t show. But there was a phone number written on a paper plane that had been thrown onto his balcony. Three, actually, and one he picked up on the way to the apartment that was stuck in a sad, over-pruned and under-watered hedge out front. How many had Spencer made that Derek didn’t find?

Eleven, it turns out. Spencer was a horrible shot, but Derek liked watching his long fingers folding the paper in what was ‘the most aerodynamic plane folding method’ the next time he was over. It felt a little silly to challenge him on it, especially since Derek knew fuck all about the aerodynamics of paper planes. And Spencer called him out on it.

“Superior hand-eye coordination doesn’t mean your plane folding method is superior, it just means you’re good with your hands.”

Derek wiggled his eyebrows, but continued speaking after he let the flush of Spencer’s cheeks sit for a moment.

“So you want me to throw one of yours, to see if I can do it better with your method?”

“It’s a reasonable request. You can’t test two theories for quality results if the testing methods are different.”

“You’re a sore loser, you know that?”

“You’re an unfair winner, did you know that?”

“So you admit I’m a winner?”

Spencer felt terrible that his next plane hit Derek in the eye, so Derek only milked it for half the time he would have liked to.

Spencer shoved his shoulder when Derek finally caved and laughed, indignant.

“You were playing it up!”

“It’s paper! It can’t hurt me that bad.”

“It did hit your eye. They might be the fastest healing body part, but they’re not impervious.”

“Pretty boy, if you want to kiss it better, I won’t stop you. But you don’t need to worry that much about it.”

Derek saw that sweet rush of colour on Spencer’s neck and cheeks, and the smile he was trying to hide before now took a shy edge as he tried to look casual.

“Well, if I injured you, I should do what I can to help.”

His voice was so quiet that Derek almost missed what he said. He tilted his head in question, raising a brow while trying to figure out if this was more word-based flirting or if one of them would actually take it further for once.

Spencer’s eyes were focused on his fingers, picking at lint that certainly wasn’t on the leg of his pants but held his gaze anyway. His eyes flickered up to Derek’s face though, and his tongue darted out to wet his lips just after.

“Well, you’re the doctor out of the two of us, what do you think I need?”

“I’m not a medical doctor.” Spencer’s voice seemed to be getting quieter, but Derek liked that his gaze was flicking more to Derek’s lips now.

“Maybe so, but I bet you know more about first aid than I do, especially with that fear of germs you got.”

“Me not shaking your hand is normal. The number of pathogens passed during a handshake is staggering. It's actually safer to kiss.”

Derek almost laughed at how embarrassed Spencer looked at that line, but knew if he did Spencer would think he was laughing at him and might take offense.

“So I should kiss you goodbye when you leave? Doctor Reid, who knew you could be so forward?”

“That’s not what I was saying! I just-”

Derek held up his hands, placating, while Spencer seemed to flap his. “Now now handsome, I didn’t say I was opposed.”

Derek thought he was floating when Spencer, so quickly it was barely a kiss, pressed his lips to Derek’s cheek when he left that night.

–

The next time Derek heard Spencer’s voice from above his balcony, he was almost back to his subdued, distanced self from when they first started speaking. It was over an hour before Spencer let Derek coax him inside. He was shocked when Spencer came to his front door, hair lank and pulled forward to try and cover his eye and cheek that were dark with bruising.

“Spencer, what happened?” He ushered the younger man in, directing him to the couch.

“Nothing. An accident. What were you saying about the fitness test?”

“You’re not interested in fitness tests, what happened?” He tried to bring his hand up to Spencer’s cheek, tilt his head up into the light and assess the damage, but Spencer shied away from him, getting up and heading to the kitchen instead.

“I’m interested in the fitness test.”

“I’m not. Since when are you interested in that?”

“Since you’re the one talking about them.” Derek tried not to feel warm and fuzzy with that comment. Spencer was being genuine, the man was a terrible liar, but he gives away shy truths when he wants to distract.

Derek leaned against the tiny kitchen counter while Spencer turned the kettle on.

“I thought you didn’t have tea at night because of the caffeine.”

“Well, I don’t think I’ll sleep tonight anyway, so I may as well enjoy a tea.”

Derek scrutinised him, wordlessly getting a still sealed pack of decaf tea from the cupboard and putting it down beside Spencer’s hand on the counter.

“You know this isn’t truly decaffeinated? It’s just lower in comparison to other teas.”

Derek stayed quiet and watched as Spencer started to squirm under his gaze. He turned then to face Derek, a frown on his face that softened when he saw whatever emotion Derek’s expression wasn’t hiding. Concern, probably.

“I thought you said you wouldn’t use your behavioural training on me.”

“I thought I wouldn’t feel the need to with you.”

Spencer’s lips pressed into a thin line before he turned back to the kettle, mumbling. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

When Derek put his hand on Spencer’s shoulder, Spencer jumped, then looked guilty.

“Sorry. I don’t-” He looked at Derek’s hand, which he’d pulled back like he'd been burnt when Spencer flinched at his touch. “I don’t mind.” He wrung his hands, nervous or something like it and unable to look at Derek with that soft red on his cheeks again, marred by bruises. “I don’t mind. The contact, if it’s you. But I’d rather not be surprised by it just now.”

“I get it, pretty boy, and I’m sorry.” He held out his hands, palms up, for Spencer to take. Spencer’s hands shook a little, and he’d forgotten to pour water into his mug now.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay, I won’t ask how you got- that.” He jutted his chin to try and gesture at Spencer’s purpled skin while his hands were occupied. “But is what I see all you have, or is there more?”

Spencer bit his lip, watching his own thumb as he rubbed it against Derek’s fingers.

“Spencer, please.”

Spencer shrugged, still unwilling to meet Derek’s eyes.

“It’s not just that. My face. It’s-...” He lifted their joined hands, but didn’t let go of Derek’s to gesture any better. Instead, he pressed their hands to Derek’s chest, just beneath the collar of his shirt, then slowly moved them down and around a little to Derek’s sides. The movement was awkward, but Derek appreciated the tight grip on his hands, and the touch Spencer was initiating, and the information being shared all in the way Spencer was capable of.

“It’s all over, isn’t it pretty boy?”

Spencer hesitated, almost nodding before deciding to try and move on. “I don’t know if I qualify for that. Not normally, or especially now.”

The shy smile was back, and too self-deprecating for Derek. But fighting Spencer on that too strong right now would push him away, so he let some of that anger slide away before he spoke.

“You callin’ me a liar, handsome?”

“No, I think I’m calling you a sweet-talker.”

“But a lying sweet talker, hot stuff?” Spencer pursed his lips as he looked up at Derek, finally, to suppress a smile.

“I’m starting to think you have a biased opinion.”

“I’m starting to think you do too, although on the other side of the spectrum. Why are you so hard on yourself?”

Spencer squeezed Derek’s hands before letting them go, turning back to pour hot water in his mug. Derek bit back a sigh when Spencer changed the subject again.

“So only two weeks before you’re done at the academy, huh?”

Throughout the night, as Spencer started melting into his more comfortable self the longer he was there, he was less aware of the bruising on his face. It wasn’t until he caught his reflection, or Derek staring, or felt it twinge when he smiled too wide, that he remembered it and grew self-conscious again. That he pushed his hair back in the way of it like if Derek couldn’t see it then Spencer could forget he was injured.

He’d foregone contact lenses and worn his glasses that night, like he did most nights, and Derek thought it might be so it felt like there was another barrier between his bruises and the rest of the world.

Derek wanted to kiss them better, and then all the other hurts Spencer seemed to have. And Spencer sure seemed to have a lot of hurts.

Hurts like how his expression tightened when Derek asked about his childhood, his parents, his friends, or his time at school. How Derek, in the earlier days, made a comment about Spencer missing social cues, and heard a bitter ‘well I can’t pick up on cues if I don’t have anyone to teach them to me’ in reply before Spencer tried to cover it up.

How if he had a particularly bad day, he was so jumpy near Derek that Derek almost wanted to sit on his hands to show he wasn’t going to use them for anything.

How on days when Spencer’s eyes were sunken with a lack of sleep, and the clothes he wore showed how thin he was, and he was so so close to the edge of the ledge on the roof above Derek’s apartment that he thought Spencer just might not care if he fell over the edge.

Like he’d had a lifetime of hurts and still had to face more each day, and Derek only saw little slivers of him and couldn’t learn enough to help him as much as Spencer needed; as much as Derek wanted.

God, he was going to make a terrible profiler.

“Derek?” Spencer looked hesitant, and Derek realised he’d spaced out; probably while staring at Spencer’s bruise again going by how he’d tried to angle his face away awkwardly, unable to fully turn and hide it while looking at Derek at the same time.

Derek couldn’t help it, he just kept on staring. Spencer’s tongue darted out to wet his lips again, and Derek’s eyes tracked the movement. He knew Spencer noticed that, too, by the way his breath seemed to stutter.

Slowly, he shuffled forward on the couch, eyes holding Spencer’s gaze as he did so.

This time, Derek’s name from Spencer’s lips was much quieter, like he was asking for something instead of questioning him.

“Spencer,” The younger man’s eyes dropped down, watching as Derek’s hand came up to his arm; his shoulder. Watched it still as it moved higher, cupping his unbruised cheek. Spencer turned his head, almost pressing a kiss to Derek’s palm as his eyes closed and his bruised cheek was fully on display.

“Spencer, I’ll be gentle. May I?”

Spencer didn’t open his eyes, just hummed in agreement, nosing at Derek’s palm.

Goosebumps broke over Spencer’s neck when Derek’s breath hit his cheek, and Derek felt him shiver. Careful to avoid the worst of it, Derek skated his lips over Spencer’s cheekbone, pressed them just in front of where his earlobe met the back of his jaw, then trailed them down his jawline.

Spencer tipped his head, allowing easier access as Derek watched Spencer’s fingers grip the couch cushion beneath him. Unsure if it was entirely due to sensation or something going on in his mind, Derek didn’t push further. Using his hand on Spencer’s cheek, he turned the man’s head to nudge his nose to Spencer’s.

“This is alright?”

In lieu of an answer, slowly, Spencer lifted his chin and kissed Derek on the lips. Derek’s chest swelled and he smiled into it, his other hand coming up to Spencer’s side.

They shuffled closer to each other, to be able to press themselves into each other more comfortably. Spencer’s mouth opened beneath Derek’s lips, and he could taste that terrible decaf tea and honey, and the cashews Spencer liked to snack on while reading.

He wondered what Spencer would think he tasted like, the cheap vending machine snacks and the god awful protein water he’d bought without realising it was terrible.

Suddenly, he had the urge to brush his teeth. He made to pull away, but Spencer’s fingers curled in his shirt and his resolve weakened.

Their hands were slowly moving over each other, everything was moving so slowly. Sweetly, like they were learning each other and had all the time in the world. Derek’s fingers found the hem of Spencer’s shirt, and he tugged the man’s lower lip between his teeth as his fingers slipped under the fabric and brushed against Spencer’s skin.

God it was soft, but it felt thin, too. He became scared of hurting Spencer, especially when remembering he had some other injuries too. So he kept his touch light, fingers probably tickling as they travelled further up Spencer’s side as Spencer laughed into the kiss.

Spencer tugged at Derek’s collar, then his fingers slipped around to cup the back of Derek’s neck. Caught up in being able to touch, they quickly moved back down, trailing over his shoulder and down his chest, then Spencer’s hands lingered there. They would have moved further down, Derek thinks, with his hands now pushing Spencer’s shirt up, if it weren’t for his sister coming home.

They didn’t realise until they heard her laugh, surprised.

“Oh, Sorry! I didn’t text ahead, my phone died. Go about your business!” She laughed again, more of a giggle, then her bedroom door clicked shut. Spencer was rigid beneath him - when had he pressed Spencer into the couch beneath him?

‘Sorry, Spence, I didn’t-”

Spencer pushed him up and off, the heat flushing his face more than the usual shyness or what Derek might expect from making out on a couch could bring about. More than embarrassment of being caught, even. He scrambled to get up and right his clothes, walking to the door and scooping up his bag on the way.

“Spencer, wait! Where are you going?” He didn’t want to pull Spencer back by catching his arm, knowing the man wouldn’t react well. His eyes seemed watery and Derek was lost.

And he stayed lost, when, after three weeks, Spencer hadn’t come back. His texts went unanswered and when he called the number was disconnected.

And he kept right on being lost when Spencer didn’t come back to visit him before he had to move out.

–--- 2005

Derek scowled at the scene before them.

“You’re saying someone was turning people into books?”

The local officer walking them through the scene nodded, nose wrinkled but face otherwise resigned.

“Yup. See, we had a couple people go missing here and there. Transients, runaways, you know the type. And we’d thought they went missing by choice. Sure, we looked,” not enough, Derek thought. “But we never thought they’d end up. Well. As books.”

“As books.” Derek’s skin crawled.

Aside from a specific wrinkle in his brow, Hotch didn’t even look perturbed. “These materials, would they be specialised? Potentially unique or traceable?”

“The tanning stuff? Not as far as we can tell. Out here, we got people doing this the normal way, tanning hides and such. A lot of leather workers out here. As far as we can tell, it’s basically all the same stuff.”

Hotch looked back at Gideon who shrugged and looked at Derek. “He’ll take a breather now that we found his workshop; he’ll need time to set himself up again. Derek, you’re going to a library to speak to someone about human skin book binding.”

Derek and Elle looked at each other before Derek held his hands out, gesturing broadly.

“We just have someone who knows about human skin being made into books?”

Elle smirked at him. “And you get to visit them. How nice.”

Derek wasn’t thrilled about it, and the feeling that his skin was crawling and unclean hadn’t left since they found the workshop their unsub was using. It reeked in both usual and unexpected ways, and the forensic investigator on scene and all too happily told him that urine could be used in the tanning process.

Perhaps a clean, quiet, library would help in easing his mind, but the subject matter wouldn’t. Derek flashed his badge at the desk, and the librarian assistant he’d found nodded without him needing to explain.

“Agent Gideon called ahead, I’ll lead you through to the doctor now. The books were already here, we’ve held them for ages, but the doctor only arrived recently. Good timing, too, what with this horribleness happening.” She chattered as she led him through shelves, picking up carelessly placed books as she went and piling them up on her other arm.

“Wait, the doctor showed up for the books after the murders?” Derek frowned; Gideon hadn’t called that far ahead, had he?

“Yes, though it’s not his first time here. He’s such a joy to have.” She looked at Derek, then laughed. “You don’t think he did it, do you?”

Derek shrugged, and she shook her head. Then, they stopped outside a room labelled ‘staff only’, and she knocked before pushing the door open.

Derek patted down his pockets for his notepad and pen, then stopped short when he looked up.

The assistant kept talking.

“So this is the doctor Spencer Reid, the veritable specialist on these books. Our Margaret, who usually cares for these books and who we’d recommend you to normally for this, she’s been unwell. But we’re lucky to have Dr. Reid here,” After that, she looked between the two, and her smile slipped into confusion.

“Do you two know each other?”

Derek swallowed, and Spencer barely moved.

“Well, I’ll just leave you two to it, then.” She cast a hesitant glance at Spencer, who nodded to her, and she seemed to take that as a sign it was safe for her to leave them alone.

“Spencer?”

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ohmytomorrowisthursday · 1 year

Text

Until I Fall - Part Thirteen

Levi Ackerman x Fem Reader.

Eventual romance but this is a slow burn, definitely angsty and darker. It will also focus a lot on Hange, Erwin and the original scouts. Eren and the 104th training corps will be around but I’m focusing on the older characters in here. Your self insert name is ‘Azeria Becker’ pronouns She/Her/Hers. Using a name because don’t like using ‘y/n’.

Cannon universe. I wrote this for myself but I hope that you enjoy it, too lol <3

cw: imagine literally every awful/gory thing that happens in SNK. Death, violence and gore. Drinking, sex. (bolded ones in this chapter)

I will be releasing 2 chapters at a time every few days. You can find all chapters here.

The afternoon was eaten up with sending letters. Hange had given you not just a pile - but what looked to be a crate full of letters to send away to people. The sheer amount of letters was shocking to you- there had been so much loss after just one expedition. Did Hange and the higher members write these after every expedition? It hurt you to think of the people who would be reading these letters on the other side- parents, siblings, friends. When would you be in one of these letters too? What must go through your head when you’re always the one who survived? Maybe that was why Shadis had stepped down. Still, you tried your keep your mind focused on your task and not dwell in the darkness of the situation.

Finally though, it happened; a letter to Oliver’s parents was in your hands. Your eyes swelled with tears. They could never know what happened to him. How scared he was, or how bloody it had been. It was the worst secret that you’d ever have to keep. And still, those secrets would just keep happening, because people were always going to keep dying and you’d always have to keep those nightmares to yourself. How did everyone do it? How did Hange, Mike, Levi and Erwin manage to keep such a brave face? Did it ever get easier? You placed his letter in the pile for the Utopia district and continued on.

After you had finished, you headed over to the reserves and recruited carriers for the job; the injured or recently recovered who were often employed for tasks such as this. As they all rode away, the sun began falling and the air cooled; it was finally done. You had been so immersed in the work, that you hadn’t realized how tired you’d become. After a day that felt a million years long, you finally headed for the dining hall.

Like all moments during that day, you finally saw how few Scouts were really left. The hall was sparsely peppered with people, eating solemnly and silently. The sadness that lingered in the air felt all the more draining; where was the noise? You slumped down at a table alone and started writing and drinking a hot cup of tea.

“Hey, there you are. I was starting to think that you’d ran away,” Levi’s voice cut from above you. You kept your eyes focused on the writing, “Sorry to disappoint, I’m still here. I was doing work for Hange today. I was hiding in an office all afternoon.” He sat down beside you, placing his tea and food down at the table. “Oh great,” he groaned, “The two craziest scouts teaming up together. That’s always a good sign.”

You lifted your eyes and turned to point at him with your pen, “Has it ever occurred to you that you keep befriending the craziest people? What does that say about you, huh?”

He looked at you with his disinterested glare, “It means pickings are slim for friends around here.”

You rolled your eyes, “Ugh, you are so annoying.” He looked down at the paper resting in front of you, “What are you doing?”

“Writing a letter to my parents,” you sighed, “I should let them know I’m okay. I had to mail out letters to people’s families today and I’m sure that everyone will start talking about our latest massacre as soon as they catch wind of it.” Levi sat quiet for a moment, looking down at the half written sheet. “Are you not going to eat dinner?” He finally asked. You shrugged your shoulders, “I’m not that hungry today.” Suddenly, Levi’s face turned to anger, “Like hell you aren’t.” He lifted himself from the table and walked off. You turned and watched as he got another serving of food from the cook and wandered back over, placing it in front of your letter. “You need to eat, idiot,” he shook his head and sipped on his tea. You tried to conceal the smile that you had on your face as you reached for a bite, “Thanks.”

“Where do your parents live?” He asked. You were surprised, since when does he want to know about me? “They live in Orvud district. Out in the northwest of town,” you replied. His eyebrows raised, “Orvud? Wow. What the hell are you doing here?”

It made you embarrassed, “What do you mean?”

“You clearly must be from a good family if you’re from Orvud,” he crossed his arms, “Why did you leave and come all the way out here? I’m sure you could have easily become an MP.”

You blushed, “I grew up comfortably, I guess. But I’ve always wanted to be a scout. The MP’s don’t do anything. They just sit around all day, drinking and playing cards. The only time they ever act is when some rich lord would get bent out of shape because some poor soul had to steal food from their land. Why would I want to do that?”

He looked at you with his usual unreadable face. “Your parents must have been thrilled when you told them that you didn’t want to join the MP’s,” he said sarcastically. You let out an exasperated laugh, “Oh you don’t know the half of it. I had been working as an apprentice mechanic for them and we were contracted out by the MP’s. My parents had spent years setting me up to become one. When I told them that I wanted to be in the Survey Corps, they nearly disowned me.”

He was listening intently to you. Finally, he sighed and reached for his cup, “I was right, you are crazy,” he smirked at you.

“Excuse me?” You asked, feigning annoyance.

“You graduated at the top of your class, you’re smart and educated and you’re from the richest district outside of Mitras and you decided to move away and risk your life fighting titans. You’re crazy,” The two of you stared at one another, your face blushing from embarrassment. “I like it,” he added. You nudged him in the arm and smiled.

“Why did you join the Survey Corps?”

Levi’s grey eyes were staring down at his teacup, empty now. He shook his head in amusement, “Erwin recruited me. That’s not really a good way of putting it- I joined to kill Erwin for some guy in the interior, and in the end it was either staying here or going back to the underground. I guess you can tell which one I chose.”

You were stunned and confused. “…Oh?”was all that managed to escape your mouth. “Wait- you need to elaborate now.”

And so he did. He told you about his life in the underground, running a gang and stealing from the lords who controlled the stairs. Running from Erwin and being held at knifepoint to join. His friends and their deal to assasinate Erwin in exchange for freedom. You were entranced as he told you. It was hard to imagine that right below your feet as you grew up, there was an entire world of people who had never seen the sky. It was horrifying. Looking at him now, you couldn’t even imagine what he had seen in his life.

“Is there any family of yours left in the underground?”

“No. My mother died when I was young and I was her only kid. Kenny- who knows where he is now. I haven’t been back once since I left. I can’t imagine much has changed. Same rotten shit hole it always was.”

He looked down at the table in front of you. “Ah, good, it worked.” You looked down to see that you had eaten all of the food he had brought for you. Butterflies filled your stomach. He was never sweet but he was kind. He just had a funny way of showing that he cared. “Do you feel better now, brat?” He asked, seemingly pleased that he had gotten you to forget about the dark mood of the day. You smiled back at him, “Yes, thank you.”

“I know that it’s not easy to go through a loss like that, but you need to take care of yourself. There’s no point in being here if you’re too weak to fight.”

You nodded. He was right- you felt a lot better now that you had some energy. “I don’t know how you do it,” you said, flatly.

He kind of shrugged, “I don’t know either. It’s best not to think about the past, it’ll eat you up alive. As long as you know that you did what you felt was right, there’s nothing else you can do. We just need to win.”

“You’re a very strong person, Levi,�� You looked into his eyes shadowed by his dark hair. He was so handsome, and the more you learned, the more beautiful he looked. You had never met anyone in the world quite like him. He grabbed the back of his neck and turned away from you “Tch. It’s nothing,” he offered. “Do you want to train tomorrow? I want to work on my hand-to-hand,” He asked.

You sighed, “There’s nothing I’d like to do more than beat you up tomorrow but I think my body is still too injured. I’ll have to wait a few more days.” He looked down and nodded, it seemed like he was disappointed. “Do you want to join me in helping the veterinarians tomorrow? We’ve got too many horses and too few people,” You said.

“Alright,” he replied, lifting himself from the table, “I’m exhausted. Goodnight, brat. See you tomorrow.”

You wandered over to the fireplace in the dining hall, sitting cross legged in front of it, watching the flames dance around. You couldn’t stop thinking about him. Levi Ackerman. Dark hair. Calloused hands from all the hell he had been through. Tired eyes. A kind heart. Why did you feel this way? The guilt fell over you once more. It felt selfish to say, because there was so much to do. But you couldn’t stop yourself. All you wanted was more of him. More seconds with him- less of that time fighting titans and more of it here, in the dining halls and in your dorm. You thought about how his hand held yours; the rough feeling of his hand. It was so warm. You wanted him to touch your face with it. A rushing feeling washed over you and made your heart flutter. Do I have feelings for him?

You sat and watched the fire until it turned to embers.

chapter fourteen

#levi ackerman #attack on titan #aot fandom #levi x reader #levi attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk #aot #levi aot #levi fanfiction #aot fanfiction #aot fanfic #levi fanfic #levi heichou

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svucarisiaddict · 2 years

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Hello, how are you? I hope you have been well.

So I saw these prompts that kind of stood out to me and I was thinking about them in reference to one night stand series;

“I’ve never felt like this about anyone, and honestly it scares me.”

"I never stood a chance, did I?” “That’s the sad part – you did once.”

"You were more then a one night stand".

but idk, I just liked them for some reason. Not sure if they work but I thought I'd send them over and get your thoughts?!?!

I don't just see her listening to Sonny and going okay then happy ever after but I also don't know if she is really willing to stop with him either. I'm probably reading to much into this but what do you think?!? When your write a series such as this one was there a thought on how it will go or is it something when you start writing?

I know it sounds silly, I just like the reader. She's flawed with her putting up the walls, arguably self destructive and going back to Stone who seems to be that safe, familiar relationship even if it's not the best (ex for a reason). I love that despite her feelings for Sonny she isn't hanging around to wait to get hurt or even be anyone's second choice.

But Sonny here, I guess the choice has gone because she has, but honestly he's pined, had feelings for, had this close relationship with Rollins for ever that we know. But he had this chance right with someone else. And look what happens!

I'm so invested and like alot of your fics I have been going back and re reading..... Im sorry I'm rambling with no real questions at 4 in the morning my time.

Ps. Okay John Carter, yasss. Such a mood and I love him. I was quite young when ER was on but my mum got me into the re-runs much later and he was def my fav! So excited to hear your writing for him.

First, let me say thank you for sending me your ask. I love when people ask me questions about my series! You really seem to get my writing and the characters :)

The prompts are perfect for the series. So, thank you! In fact I used one in the most recent chapter of the series!

She is definitely not over Sonny nor will she just accept his explanation of his feelings for Amanda. We all know Sonny has liked Amanda for years. Deep down he probably does. You are not reading into it at all! That’s exactly how I want the story to come across.

As far as my writing I usually have a rough idea of how the story is going to play out but sometimes change on a whim. It may depend on how I’m feeling that day emotionally, not liking what I wrote and rewriting, getting a better idea, etc. And sometimes I just get stuck on where to take the story. I’m releasing the next chapter later today and I am working on the next. And I’m stuck. I have a couple different ways to go.

You’re not silly. I like the character too. I try to write real characters. Everyone has flaws and I try to reflect that in my writings. I feel people can relate to a story or character if they see themselves in a similar situation to having the same feelings and reactions.

Peter Stone is complicated. He is a broken man but he has the capability to love deeply. He truly cares for and loves our leading lady. I have a feeling he is going to fight for her and prove his love to her. Whether he’ll be successful is to be seen.

Don’t count Sonny out though! He cares for the reader as well. She’s made him realize that there is someone out there other than Amanda he can love. I do think he’s torn on what to do because now he thinks that the reader is over him and he lost his chance with her.

I’m still uncertain who the reader will end up with, if anyone! We’ll see where the story takes us!

I’m so happy to hear how much you enjoy and are invested in my fics. I appreciate it so much! Please message me with any questions on my fics, my process, etc.

I love Carter too. I was so naive and sweet when the show began. There were times when he irked me and I didn’t care for how he behaved. I have a middle story for him and the reader but need to work back to thow they meet. I have a couple of different scenarios but not sure if I like them. Stay tuned for Carter fics!

Thank you again so much!!

#sonny carisi #peter stone #asks #fics #prompts

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lgg5989 · 2 years

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MavDad: Letters From Home

A/N: Here is some more MavDad, as always please leave ideas for more chapters in the comments! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻😁

Also on Ao3!

PS - this is a longer read, 1900 words. It got away from me!

----

Mav quickly made his way to the ship’s mail room. Today was a pickup day and he was sending a letter to Brad and Carole. While he did get the opportunity to make phone calls from time to time, mail was a more reliable means of communication for them.

He missed his family, and had read the last letters from them so many times over he almost had them memorized by now.

Maverick,

We hope that you are staying safe, after that scare a few months ago, we have been a bit more worried as of late. Brad is doing well in school, and baseball. He wants to sign up for a travel team over the summer, don’t worry I will be sure to send you lots of pictures from his games. He knows that you would be there if you could.

Don’t worry about me, I’m doing okay. I have made friends with a few mom’s from Brad’s baseball team. We have hired a babysitter together and are getting some drinks next week. Its been nice having other people to talk to, its usually a bit more lonely when you aren’t home with us. I included a few pictures for you and a letter from Brad. The first one is Brad’s school pictures, doesn’t he look so handsome? I swear he looks more and more like Goose every day. When you get home you will have to show him how to shave, The second picture is of him and I at Goose’s grave. We miss your stories at our visits but I’ve managed to tell a few that Brad didn’t know yet.

How are you? Is there anything you need us to send you? A care package perhaps?

Stay safe out there and remember, we love you.

Love,

Carole

Brad’s letter was included inside the envelope too.

Uncle Mav,

I am glad that you are staying safe on your missions, I am always a little worried about you. Mom and I are doing well, I am holding down the fort here at home. Mom is going to sign me up for travel baseball this summer so by the time you get home I might be even better than you! Winning isn’t as much fun when you aren’t home to take us out to ice cream. When you are home we will have to celebrate the ones you have missed.

I am doing good in school and I made the honor roll last semester. My friend Jake taught me how to ride a skateboard. I have to show you all the cool tricks I can do now when you come home. Mom has been making me wear a helmet all the time when I am on it after I came home one night with a scraped up knee and a bruise on my elbow.

Mom and I went to visit dad at the cemetery last week. I hate going without you, your stories always make it a little less sad. Dad sounds like he was a lot of fun. Mom told me about how he used to play the piano, even in the middle of a crowded restaurant or bar, and he would sing at the top of his lungs. And that she always used to be so embarrassed by him, but eventually he made her have some fun. I feel like I remember that, but all the memories of him are kinda fuzzy. Maybe I can learn the piano too?

Mom has been rather sad recently. I think she is missing you and dad. I hope the Navy lets you come home soon. Do you know how much longer it will be? Have you gone on any cool missions? Who is your wingman now?

Love,

Bradley

Mav smiled to himself, he wanted to make sure he got his letter off in time. This one was important because it was Brad’s birthday coming up and he wanted to make sure it arrived with time to spare.

He put it in two envelopes and wrote DO NOT OPEN TIL June 24th on the outside of the first envelope before addressing the second. Even though he wouldn’t be home for Brad’s birthday, he wanted it to be special.

Carole,

I promise that I am doing well. I have been staying safe and patrol has not given us any issues as of late. Please don’t worry too much about me, I’m sure you have other things you need to be focused on.

I miss you guys too. I am thinking of trying to apply to a state side position for this next deployment. That way I can be home more and perhaps a little safer. I can’t wait to come home. It sounds like I have a few months left at the very least so it will be a while still.

I’m sorry that I am not there to come with you to see Goose, leave a beer from me the next time you go yeah?

I have been decorating my quarters with the pictures you sent me. I’m sure every man on the ship knows not to open my locker on the off chance that one of the several photos taped up falls out.

I will never say no to a care package, maybe a small one to fly under the radar? I would love some of those cookies that you and Brad made for me the last time I was gone. They might be stale by the time they get here but they are still damn good compared to anything else on this ship.

Don’t let Bradley open his letter until his birthday. I included a special gift for him! Staying safe.

Love,

Maverick

Brad’s letter was tucked into the second envelope and had a slight bulge to it from the different items he had tucked inside.

Bradley,

Happy birthday bud! I hope you are having an amazing day. I’m sorry that I cannot be there to celebrate with you again. I will try to get permission to make a phone call out to you today. If I can’t then know I am thinking of you and that I love you and I hope you have the best 13th birthday.

I am doing my best to stay safe for you. You’ll also be happy to hear that I have avoided making anyone too mad at me the last few months. Hopefully I can push for a state-side position when I come home so that I don’t have to be away from you and your mom any more.

I included a few birthday presents for you. The first and most important item in here are your dad’s dog tags. I’ve been keeping them safe for you and now that you’re old enough its time I hand them over. You know I don’t believe in luck, but those tags are lucky. They have saved my butt a few times and I hope they do the same for you. The second item is a challenge coin I picked up off an Admiral. Keep this one for the future, it’ll come in handy, just trust me. Lastly, there is a picture for you. It’s one of your dad and I after we had been told we were going to Top Gun. Your mom tells me that you are looking more and more like him every day. I wish I was there to see it.

I’m glad that you are riding your skateboard in style! Safety first as you always tell me. I’m so proud of you for making the honor roll, we will have to celebrate when I come home. Make sure your mom sends me lots of pictures of your baseball games. I know it sucks that I can’t be there, remember that I am always with you. And don’t think, just do.

It is hard for your mom to be alone. I hope to be home in a few more months, probably in time for the holidays. I haven’t been on any missions recently, just patrols. Right now my wingman is Warlock, he has been doing a good job of watching my back.

I hope to see you soon bud, I love you.

Love,

Uncle Mav

Mav finally made it to the mail room, a smile on his face, he didn’t miss the outgoing batch of mail.

“Got something to send Maverick?” Brody, the ship's mail attendant, asked.

“Yes sir,” Mav replied proudly, “got a letter for my son’s birthday.”

“Something special then!” he smiled at him before taking the letter, “let me put some extra postage on there for you to make sure it makes it in time.”

“I would appreciate that, I’m sending it a little early to make sure it gets there,” Mav informed him.

“You can’t be too careful!” Brody shot back with a smirk, “the postal service is not what it used to be.”

“Yes sir, thank you for your help,” Mav said as he turned to head back to his bunk.

As he laid there, trying to fall asleep before patrol, he smiled, knowing that his letter would be there for Bradley to open on his birthday.

—-

Brad had been waiting by the door for the last three days watching for the mailman.

“Honey, dinner is almost done!” Carole called to him through the house.

“Just a second mom, he is coming down the street now!” Brad shouted back as he raced out of the house to meet their mailman at the box.

“Good afternoon Mr. Bradshaw, I believe I have something for you today,” the older man said with a smile, presenting him with a beaten up looking envelope addressed to Bradley and Carole Bradshaw.

“YES!” He shouted as he grabbed the letter quickly, a loud, “THANK YOU,” sent over his shoulder as he raced back in the house to his mom.

“Mom, MOM, its here!” he yelled as he made it into the kitchen, a huge smile on his face.

“I’m guessing you want to open it before dinner, huh?” Carole questioned, with a sly smile on her face.

“OF course I do!” Brad exclaimed.

Carole laughed at his excitement, “alright honey, let’s open it up then!”

As they tore into the first envelope, Carole was confused, why were there two? When she saw the writing on the outside of the second she started laughing, “I guess your Uncle Mav sent this on the just right day, didn’t he?”

The letter had made it just in time, on Bradley’s birthday.

As Bradley tore into the envelope, the phone rang. He looked at his mom before running over to pick it up.

“Hello? Bradshaw residence!” Bradley stated proudly.

“Is this a Mr. Bradley Bradshaw?” Mav asked, laughing at how grown up Brad sounded.

“Uncle Mav!” Brad shouted, “We just got your letter!”

“I must have sent it at the right time then,” Mav replied with a smile, “happy birthday bud,” his voice cutting out towards the end.

“Thanks dad, I love you,” Bradley said with a smile.

“I love you too Bradley,” Mav got out before the phone lost signal.

Brad hung up with a smile.

“Did he lose signal?” Carole asked him.

Brad huffed out a sigh, “Yeah, he got to tell me happy birthday though.”

“I’m sure he would have spoken longer if he could,” Carole said comfortingly.

“I know…let's open our letters, I want to eat some cake!” Brad said, smiling at her.

It was the best birthday Brad had while Mav had been deployed, and thankfully, the last one without his Uncle Mav.

#top gun fanfiction #top gun #top gun maverick #bradley rooster bradshaw #nick goose bradshaw #carole bradshaw #pete maverick mitchell #maverick mitchell

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still-a-morosexual-help · 3 years

Text

OBEY ME! LESSON 60 DETAILED SUMMARY + DISCUSSION/THEORIES

*I wrote this days after the lesson was first posted and never bothered to go back and edit it so meaning there will be me theorizing about the next lesson as well

*I write a small para for each chapter and I write it immediately after finishing that chapter so there’ll be theorizing about the next chapter too

*I swear more than usual here

*Some of the dialogue is heavily plagiarized and a few is lifted directly from the story, the game is to figure which is which.

*Summaries and Discussions/theories for all the other lessons can be found on this blog under #obey me spoilers or #my theories or #my headcanons

Welp this is it… DAMNNNNNN the last two seasons each had a lesson near the beginning of the season dedicated just to a date with Mammon and I’m praying S4 has one as well and though it sucks Mammon & MC’s hellos and goodbyes are always really sweet and ahhh how am I already missing them. I’m desperate for S4 and I haven’t even finished S3 yet… fuck okay.

Post Lesson 60 edit: The last chapter goodbyes are gonna be direct quotes cause I’m an emotional mess.

As MC is about to head outside Mammon calls out to them and tells them to bring him a cake on the way home, they ask him why he’s been so cold and distant with them lately and he frowns at them and says he doesn’t know what they’re talking about and tells them not to forget the cake and then he leaves. Asmo who had being eavesdropping laughs and says that even for Mammon that was oddly bossy and arrogant. He then asks if he can tag along with them partway cause he’s heading to the spa. As they walk past the lake Asmo tells MC not to hold Mammon’s recent attitude against him and that he’s so upset about having to leave MC again that he doesn’t know what to do with himself and since rn all he can think about is MC he’s not sure how to act around them. Asmo says Mammon’s spending too much time dwelling on this. He looks disappointed and shakes his head when he asks himself what he’s gonna do about Mammon and that he’s being a child. (IS2G Asmo is the number #1 Mammon x MC shipper???????? Relatable) MC asks him if he hasn’t been dwelling on leaving. He asks if they wish he was and says they’re always on his mind and that’s why he doesn’t seem any different now. He says the actual reason he’s still so himself and not outwardly upset is cause he has faith (HA!) that they’ll end back together again like all the previous times they had to separate. He says he’s still sad about having to say goodbye but all that makes him want to do is treasure the moments they have rn. They can hold his hand, kiss him or say that’s a really Asmo thing if him to say. He smiles and says positivity is one of his charms (Asmo ily but weren’t you the one who got drunk and cried and needed to have Satan carry you back home the first time MC left…) They eventually part ways. I’m guessing the order of the rest of the ‘goodbyes’ is gonna be Satan, Mammon and then Lucifer cause those two always end up last in that order…

EYYYYY! They run into satan and ask where he’s off to. He says he’s off to the bookstore to stock on some human books before they head home and asks MC if they want to tag along. He hands them a list and tells them to start looking from the top and that he’ll start from the bottom. He says thwy can use magic as long as no human sees them (ME: thinking back to that one human MC, Belphie and Diavolo scared the shit out of…Hmmmm). They agree and he says that knowing they studied under Solomon makes him feel safe to trust that they know what they’re doing. He says he always knows he can count on them when he needs them and that being in the Devildom without them will be troublesome (I said in the fairy dust/angel lesson that Satan & MC are incredibly similar and that their friendship is highly underrated and I still stand by that.) MC uses magic to lift a book from a high shelf and Satan warns them that someone’s coming making them loose their concentration and the book to come falling down, Satan shields them though and gets hit with it instead. They each ask if the other is alright and he says they need to be more careful that no one sees them (ME: INTENSELY THINKING BACK TO THAT TIME WITH DIAVOLO AND BELPHIE WHEN MC WAS WILLING TO BARBEQUE A MAN FOR FIRING A GUN AT BELPHIE) He blushes and tells them he’ll show what he means and he takes them behind a bookshelf where no one can see and wraps his arms around them and pulls them close (Satan what kinda romance novel pickup line was that??? Also all I can imagine is that SNL bookstore skit with John Cena & Aidy Bryant). MC can kiss him, wrap their arms around him or just thank him for shielding them earlier. He says there’s no need to thank him and that he’s just happy they’re not hurt, He then laughs softly and asks if they’ll be okay once he’s gone. They ask him in turn if he’ll be okay. He blushes and says he won’t and that just thinking about life without them was enough to drive him mad.

At dinner levi asks if everyone is there and Beel looks sad and says Mammon isn’t, Belphie sighs and says he always has to make things difficult. Levi says it’s okay and he gets it and that Mammon obviously thinks dinner’s gonna suck since Levi made it and holy shit can we pls take Levi to a therapist pls? Belphie says Levi’s beating himself up for no reason and Levi goes on a rant about how he’s an ultra-negative, depressing otaku and how no one likes being around him ajndsvddjsnk LEVI pls!!? (unrelated but Levi’s actually my third favourite) Belphie asks MC to go get Mammon and Beel tells them to hurry. They knock and enter his room. They ask him what he’s doing and he says he was just watching a shark movie Satan gave him. He asks if they’re here to tell him about dinner and that they should head back and eat and not to worry about him. He looks upset and says he’s not in the mood to eat. They say they’re really gonna miss him and he’s eyes widen for a sec before he looks away and asks if they’re some sorta kid. He then laughs though and says they’re not the only one who feels that way. He blushes and says of course he’s gonna miss them too and that they already knew that. He asks if there isn’t some other way for them to stay together forever. He says that being a sorcerer they have to make something happen. They can say a.) that despite being a sorcerer they’re still pretty green and he laughs and says the one time he needs them they’re no use at all. He blushes and tells them to hurry up and ‘ripen’ and that a green sorcerer won’t cut it. B.) being a demon he should make something happen. He says if there was something he could do he woulda done it a long time ago. Looking aside again he says hanging out with them and talking about dumb stuff is something he takes for granted and he just realized he won’t be able to do it again anytime soon, he says that once he’s back in the devildom life would be dull and that once he used to be happy as long as he had money but after they met that was ruined. And now during his free time he thinks about them and feels all worried and unsettled. He blushes and asks them to stay with him and keep him company since all this is their fault. Belphie texts them asking where the fuck they are they say they’ll have dinner with Mammon later, he then wishes them luck with Mammon.

In the music room Levi’s bemoaning how he understands that any coffee he makes won’t be good enough while a wide eyed Asmo asks him what he’s talking about cause as you can see Asmo is drinking his coffee, Levi says he never admitted it was good though. Asmo smiles and reassures him that it’s actually good and asks Belphie to back him up. Belphie says he wants no part of any of this which immediately crumbles all of Asmo’s hard work and makes Levi depressed. Lucifer pops his head in and once he spots MC asks them to come to his room. They ask what he wants to talk about, he says he’ll tell them when he gets there. To the room as a whole he says that Diavolo wants them all at the hotel the next day. This surprises both Mammon & Beel, and Satan asks if there’s another problem at the hotel, making everyone turn and eye Levi who turns red and protests. In his room Lucifer asks if MC knows why he called them and they say nope. He asks if they really don’t know or if they’re just playing dumb. When they don’t answer he says it’s about why Diavolo called them to the hotel. He says Diavolo hasn’t told him the reason behind it and asks if MC knows, saying that for Diavolo not to tell him it has to be either something that’ll supremely piss off Lucifer or something that Diavolo finds fun and exciting that Lucifer won’t like but will have to endure. They say they don’t know anything about it. He says, “what do you think you can lie to me? Have you forgotten who the fuck I am exactly!?” When they still remain silent he drops the blank faced glare and laughs saying he can take a guess at what’s going on considering they’re not willing to share. He says considering this is them they’re probably gonna do something nice for them and he tells them they’re really sweet, they tell him not to stop and to keep stroking their ego (or they can ask for a reward). He says he may considering how things go tomorrow. He then pauses and says he’s actually in the mood to indulge them today so he’ll sing their praises just for today. (They can ask if he’s sad about saying goodbye, he says yes and then blushes and says obviously that means they’re spending the night in his room – I noped out at this point. Is it weird that Lucifer’s the only brother I can’t see MC platonically sharing a bed with?) They then tease him saying this is very unlike him. He blushes and agrees, saying that when he’s with them he doesn’t have to be the avatar of pride but that’s okay because they love all the different sides of him (I thought this was really sweet, Lucifer needs to know that there’s someone who loves him as a whole even the parts of him that are massive jerks and I love that this interaction can be read as either romantic or platonic. He smiles and says he’s looking forward for tomorrow.

The brothers are all surprised when from the hotel they are taken to the currently most popular club in the human world that has been reserved all for them, with Simeon making all the food and Luke making cakes. Luke tries his best to protect the food from Beel while Satan and Mammon say how surprise they were by Barbatos’s magic making them walk out into the club after walking into the hotel. MC asks if they like it and Lucifer says of course they do and thanks them for doing this. Solomon says he has a present for all of them too, Levi worries that he cooked for them (though he asks it with the sweetest smile cause all these demons are still hanging on to not letting Solomon know his food is toxic waste in case it hurts his feelings) and Lucifer whispers to MC that if so they might all die here. Solomon says he had offered to help cook but Simeon had insisted he had it all handled (he looks awfully disappointed when saying this). Mammon cheers on Simeon and Belphie says “…yeah I never thought I’d owe my life to Simeon but here we are” Their real present is Solomon lighting up the room with what, according to Belphie, looks like a fallen star. Asmo gushes about how beautiful it is. Beel asks if he can eat it. Levi laughs and tells him he better not. Diavolo says they should officially start the party and everyone cheers. In a side lounge area Simeon says seeing the brothers enjoying the party so much makes all the effort feel worth it, Barbatos says he’s just happy seeing Diavolo having so much fun and he thanks MC. They say they could never have done it without their help in the first place. Simeon says it was MC to got them all working together to make this happen in the first place. Levi then arrives to come drag MC towards the karaoke (which Diavolo insisted they have – poor man’s still trying to sing a duet with Lucifer I see)

Satan and Asmo complain about Levi hogging the mic and singing anime songs, he yells at them for not understanding the raw passion and energy of anime songs (which isn’t that true? Anime songs have a unique kinda passion that makes you hyped that I’ve never being able to find in other songs..). Levi tells MC to forget about them and MC asks to sing a duet. Levi says he’ll queue up a bunch of duets and Mammon yells at Levi for hogging the mic and using this as an opportunity to hit on MC. Levi laughs and says that he’s not swooping in and doing anything the way Mammon said and that MC wants to sing with him. Mammon then blushes and demands to sing the next duet with them from MC. Asmo then calls the one after that and Mammon asks Beel & Belphie what they’re doing. They’re mixing drinks. MC says there new drink (demonous with scorpion powder and something else) sounds really good (cause they’re a freak like that) Belphie says the flavours do seem to go surprisingly well together and he asks Mammon to try some. He protests saying they just want to use him as a guinea pig. Lucifer’s drawn to the commotion and says they all seem to be fun, Levi asks if he wants to sing next and he says later, he then thanks MC for planning a fun surprise for them and that they were able to create some nice final memories in the human world before heading home. MC says they’ll share more great times together and Lucifer laughs and agrees saying this won’t be the last time they’re all together and this is just one of many happy memories they’ll share in the future. When they go back to the lounge area Solomon says they could hear them all talking, singing and laughing all the way from over here despite the music, emphasizing that they could hear Levi the most. Diavolo asks them to come sit and pours them another drink and says they were all talking about them and how they helped them enjoy their time in the human realm. He thanks them from the bottom of his heart. Solomon says last time they were all together in the Devildom and this time it was in the human realm and asks where they should be together next. Luke is surprised he’s already thinking about the next time. He laughs and says it’s cause he can barely wait for the next time they are all together. MC can suggest one of the three worlds. (personally I chose the Devildom cause the brothers aren’t allowed in the Celestial Realm and as much as I am completely in love with Mammon’s human world look I miss the aesthetic of the Devildom.) Diavolo laughs and says he’s happy they’ve taken such a liking to the Devildom and that he’d love for them to come back and that the brothers will be thrilled too. From the distance and getting closer they hear Lucifer telling his brothers to quit pushing him. Mammon tells him to just hurry up and go inside. Levi says Lucifer has to be with them or they won’t be taken seriously. Lucifer groans and asks if they’re actually planning on saying “this to him”. “Of course.” Says Satan. Belphie says it’s at least worth asking. Asmo agrees saying anything’s possible if you put your mind to it. They all tumble into the lounge area and Solomon asks what brings them all here. Lucifer looking tired says that his brothers have something to ask Diavolo. Mammon tells Lucifer not to act as if he isn’t part of this and as if it hasn’t been on his mind too. Diavolo chuckles and asks what they want to ask. Beel says they’ve all been thinking about something for a while now and they want to discuss it with him. The brothers all together yell: “We want MC to join the family!” GUUUUUYYYYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!? Not me softly sobbing at the image this makes in my head ahhhhhhh!??????? AHHHHHH!?????????? MC’s shocked and speechless. Asjvfkjffvuiefhi pls don’t give me hope like this wtf and what do they mean by join the family cause I don’t mind Lucifer more or less adopting them, and like Beel said they already seem to be a part of the family but MC brought up proposals with A LOT of the brothers so is that what they mean? Like marriage??? But they’re all asking and other than Beel & Belphie wanting to share with each other and Asmo being open to threesomes none of them want to share MC so……. Also I do not see my OM! MC getting married at all but at the same time if it was to squirrel their way into a permanent position in the family then…

Diavolo’s wide-eyed and stunned silent, and then he asks “…huh!?” Solomon bursts out laughing. Luke is red faced and tells Solomon this is no time to laugh. Solomon still laughing chokes out that he’s never seen Diavolo so stunned. Luke pauses and then asks what exactly they mean by ‘join the family’ and then he turns red and demands if they mean marrying MC. The brothers obviously haven’t really thought about what ‘join the family’ means and only now realise it can imply marriage. Asmo immediately volunteers. Mammon red faced protests to MC marrying Asmo and then stuttering says that if they’re gonna marry anyone they should marry him (he screams the last part out after struggling through the first part). Levi gets pissed saying if MC marries a scumbag like Mammon they’d have a dark, terrible future (watch me put together a 200 slide presentation refuting this) Belphie tells Asmo and Mammon to back off before they mess things up. Lucifer, looking dead tired, says it’s already a mess. Diavolo goes, “Umm…Lucifer?” and asks him to explain what’s going on. He says the others want MC around on a permanent basis so they don’t have to say goodbye ever and they put their heads together and decided on this. “Marriage!?” goes Luke. Solomon says the demons hadn’t thought how they’d make them part of the family. Lucifer tells Satan that he can look at the others like they’re a band of idiots but to leave him outta it. Solomon asks MC what they think of all this and they say they want to be part of the family too (it’s implied through out the main storyline that generally MC’s someone who’s very calm and collected and who while being incredibly blunt doesn’t express their emotions outwardly much (at the beginning of S2 Lucifer even comments on them being more expressive than before they left) but I’d like to imagine at this moment they are wet eyed and beaming because of these loveable idiots who ARE their family even if it’s not official). Diavolo smiles and says he sees. Luke has problems with humans and demons mixing and being a family (LUKE I THOUGHT WE WERE OVER THIS!?) “Yes, Luke. I know…” says Diavolo. His face then becomes serious and he’s silent and contemplative. Diavolo looks at MC and says that though they aren’t aware of it there’s still bad blood amongst the three worlds and that no matter how much they all want to be a family and stay together it’s not within his power to let that happen. He looks upset and apologizes. Lucifer is silent. He says though that his goal is to one day remove these barriers between the worlds and that he’ll do everything in his power to make that happen, and as the future demon king he promises that one day he’ll make it so that they can marry anyone in this room (I’m screaming just MC – queer as hell and with they/them pronouns waiting in the human world for marriage to get legalized only to fall in love with someone from another world and having to wait AGAIN for marriage to be legalized… I’d have lost my entire shit.) “WELL, isn’t that good for you, you apprentice poaching motherfuckers but guess what I’m a human meaning WE can get married in the meantime… CHECKMATE, BITCHES~” says Solomon. Mammon actually snaps at Solomon and calls him a “son of a –“ before he remembers the child in the room and trails off and snaps at him not to say stuff like that. Belphie asks if Solomon can even be classified as a human given his age. (Can MC even be classified as fully human given the whole Lilith situation? I mean ik Lilith was reincarnated as a human but she still kept and passed on her supernatural magic. Plus there’s a Belphie devilgram that takes places pre S1 that implies MC’s not fully human plus that whole thing about fairy hallucination angel!Lucifer not taking MC’s word for it when they said they were human… it’s very likely though everyone here’s too dumb to realise it). Satan says at this point Solomon might as well be a demon. Asmo tells him not to pretend to be a human when it’s convenient. He laughs and says that even though he can’t grow old or die he still belongs to the human race. Beel says that maybe but Solomon isn’t playing fair, Levi agrees and says Solomon’s also making him jealous. Diavolo says MC sure is popular seeing as they are all fighting over them. Lucifer says he knew this would happen and that’s why he didn’t want them to have this discussion. Luke’s shocked that MC’s got demons and the world’s greatest sorcerer wrapped around their finger, MC asks him if he sees them in a new light now. Luke says he thinks it’s impressive but it also creeps him out.

Back near the dance floor, Satan laughs and says Beel’s eating too much, Beel says Satan’s drinking too much, Satan who actually seems tipsy says he’s nowhere near his limit and challenges Beel to a competition to see who reaches their drink/food limit first, Beel agrees. Given how much beel can eat I can only assume this is the last we see of Satan RIP. Barbatos, looking uncharacteristically extremely worried, tells them to slow down cause neither of them know to stop. Levi, finishing up his song, calls for Luke who booked next but Mammon says Simeon went to put the “little guy” to sleep and asks Levi to come play cards instead. Lucifer, who’s playing with Mammon, asks if he hasn’t lost enough at this point, Mammon turns red and says this time he’s gonna win it all back. Asmo laughs and says Mammon just jinxed himself. Belphie asks why MC’s looking around the room so restlessly and they can say A.) I don’t see Diavolo anywhere B.) where’s Solomon? Either way the answer is he has no idea where Solomon went but he did see Diavolo head out earlier. He says the two of them are probably together talking. MC finds Diavolo and asks what he’s up to. He says he wanted a break and to gaze at the city lights and sober up a little since he won’t be able to see them again for awhile. He asks them to sit next to him and then laughs and says he could barely believe his ears after he heard what the brothers asked. He says he’s known the seven of them for a long time and knows how close they are and that it’s unbelievable that they’d want to include someone new to the family (MY HEART!? ALSO FOUND FAMILY TROPE!) He says it almost makes him jealous. They say that they know for a fact that he’s very important to the brothers too. He’s like “thanks for saying that but rn you’re either playing dumb or you actually are this dumb which makes me question my taste but then again I’m also in love with Lucifer so…” and he says he’s jealous of the brothers not them (Sure, Jan. We know you’re jealous of them both don’t lie). He says he feels the same as them and blushes and says he keeps thinking about how it could be if they were together forever (Sir, pls Lucifer is right there. He’s available. Pls.) He says if their relationship was on that level and if their bond was deep and permanent like those of a family he can’t even imagine how amazing that’d be (he keeps repeating ‘family’ and the brothers weren’t even thinking marriage when they asked for MC to be part of their family and Diavolo was really shocked and he now said specifically it was them asking about being ‘family’ before Luke even first mentioned marriage that made Diavolo jealous. What I’m saying is that considering Diavolo’s lonely, strict childhood the one thing he wants more than anything is a family not marriage specifically). He smiles and says they beat him to the punch and that he asks them to give him time cause he’s gonna do everything he can to mend the bridges between the three worlds for MC and for the brothers…and a little bit for himself. He gives them his word.

Out on the balcony Solomon greets them and asks if they shouldn’t be down with the others, they say they needed a break and wanted to talk to him, he wonders if the others would be pissed if they knew Solomon had MC all to himself. He says he figured he’d stay out of the way today and let MC and the demons spend time together considering he’ll have enough time to hang out with them later. He says he can’t believe they asked MC to join the family and that he didn’t see that coming. He starts laughing again about how serious they looked and how shocked Diavolo looked, and how Lucifer looked like he had a migraine (Ik we all say Lucifer’s the sadist but have we considered…) MC asks if he really thinks it’s that funny (and I’m pretty sure they’re offended on the brothers’ behalf and hurt cause that’s what they want too.) Solomon says for him it’s funny. He says it’s common of a demon to ask for a business arrangement or a pact but he’s never heard of them asking humans to join their family. He smiles and says he’s beginning to think he chose a “truly incredible” human as his apprentice. MC asks what the demons in his life are to him, he gives it serious thought and said these days he sees them as close friends. MC asks if things were different earlier and he says they were but also asks that they not get into things rn cause the story is long and tedious, MC asks if he’s just trying to avoid their question and if he’s gonna tell them the truth or not. He laughs and says nope and that though you can’t tell it by looking at him he’s a little too tipsy. He reminds them that they’re barely a sorcerer rn and that they should leave questions like that for later until they can use “magic like this” without an incantation. He uses magic to teleport the others on to the balcony (what a snake. Imagine instead of going to a crowd to escape a conversation you use your magic to bring the crowd to you to avoid a conversation AND to set a line for MC to reach before they can start poking at his past.) Asmo says he’s being wondering where the two of them went and how naughty it was to sneak off together, Levi complains about being cut halfway through a song, Beel asks MC to judge his eating competition with Satan and Satan says it’s actually a drinking competition. Barbatos looking deeply concerned asks if the two of them intend to empty the hotel’s pantry AND its wine cellar. He asks MC to stop them. Lucifer’s goading Mammon and kicking his ass in a card game and Mammon refuses to give up (HC that Lucifer taught Mammon to play cards up in the Celestial Realm as a way to get him to sit still and NOT set the drapes on fire). Belphie comments on the card game and the party continues. (Pretty sure Solomon saw the demons as pawns or tools to get what he wants/ for more power and that he was much more ruthless with making pacts with them than he is now when he pesters Lucifer (aka getting Asmo drunk while he was upset and making a pact) the question is why? And why did Michael basically sponsor this? We know that the Celestial Realm and Devildom had just called a truce when Michael took an interest in Solomon so could it be that he wanted someone to keep an eye on the demons and the best way to do that was to have a powerful human sorcerer make as many pacts with demons as possible. I mean Solomon made a pact with Asmo mostly because he was Lucifer’s brother and Michael still has a heavy interest in the brothers so it could be possible that he wanted Solomon to make a pact with one of them so that he could see what they were doing?)

LAST ONE GUYS! :) I’m okay really :)))))))) Outside the manor in the morning, Barbatos tells Diavolo it’s time and Diavolo looking really sad agrees. (RIGHT OFF THE BAT HUH!?) Even Solomon seems upset when he realizes it’s time and then that damn song starts playing, that ending song that always chokes me up and this time it doesn’t feel as sad as last season because honestly the “Till we meet again” party really helped while last season all the brothers tried to run away with MC and that shit HURT but it still makes me choked up FUCK I want them back so badly. Diavolo comes up to MC and says they have to return and that though they weren’t here for a long time it was really fun. “So, till we meet again, MC” he ends with. Barbatos thanks them for all they did to make their stay in the human world more comfortable. He says next time they meet he’ll prepare a special tea for them that he’s sure they’ll like. From here we’re going to direct quotes because I am EMOTIONAL:

Mammon says, while not meeting their eyes: …Listen, why’re you sittin’ around twiddling your thumbs, huh? I saw how hard you worked to become a sorcerer, so I know you got it in ya. (He blushes, still not meeting their eyes) Hurry up and learn summoning magic ASAP! You big dummy… (he finally looks up at them and smiles) And once you learn it, you’d better summon ME first! All right? You promise, right? (MC can either hug or kiss him….AND YOU GUYS MUST KNOW ME BY NOW SO MC just kisses him in front of all the brothers just like that????????? – he blushes and looks away again) Dammit, now I wanna take you back to the Devildom with me… (He meets their eyes one more time, face still red)

Levi says, blushing and looking aside: …You know that game we were playing? Final Devil Kingdom… (He looks up at them, still blushing) Well, I’ve decided not to make any more progress in it until I see you next. (He smiles brightly then) So we need to get together and play it again as soon as possible, okay? I mean, I’m dying to move on to the next dungeon… (He looks up at them with a sad expression then and they can either hug or kiss him and look I love Levi but I’ve already made my choice so MC hugs him – he blushes and gets a determined expression on his face) I’m going to be messaging you a lot, okay? So… don’t ignore my texts, or I’ll cry. (He smiles at them one more time)

Satan says, looking confident and meeting their eyes: …There are several cats who come by the manor for food each day. Make sure to take care of them for me. If you’re on the job, I feel like I can rest easy knowing they’ll be okay. (He frowns, blushes and looks away then) But keep in touch. Let me know how the cats are doing every day. Got it? Every day. (They hug him and he laughs and then says with a smile) Knowledge is power. The more you have, the better off you’ll be. So study hard, and learn to stand on your own two feet as a sorcerer as soon as you can.

Asmo says, looking really upset but making eye contact: No matter how I dress myself up or how cute I make my nails and makeup, if I can’t show it to the one I love the most, it won’t be fun at all. (He smiles then) So, I’ve decided to think about it this way… I have to strive to make myself more and more beautiful with each passing day! 🤍 (He smiles even more brightly) So that one day you’ll fall for me completely and then you’ll be all mine! How does that sound? (MC hugs him and he giggles, and says smiling) I’m going to put a little something extra on my hug! 🤍 (he squeezes them closer)

Beel says with a soft smile looking in at them: …It was fun getting to eat together with you every day here human world, MC. (His smile brightens) You know, when you’re with the right person, good food has a way of tasting even better. I want to be able to eat with you all the time, every single day. I want that to be normal. And I’m going to do whatever I can to make it so that someday soon, it really will be like that. (MC hugs him and he blushes and smiles and says) Make sure you eat enough, okay? Take care of yourself.

Belphie says also with a soft smile, making eye contact: I’m glad I got this chance to live here in the human world. Spending each day together with you in your world has been incredibly fun. (He looks sad and looks to the side) …Having to go to sleep every night in a house without you in it from now on is going to be really sad, and really lonely. (MC hugs them and he blushes but his expression is still sad and he doesn’t make eye contact) Take care, MC…

Lucifer’s wearing that fond smile that makes his eyes squint shut and he says: …Never did I imagine that one day, I’d find it this hard to say goodbye to you. I’ve managed to shock even myself. (He looks up at them then) Once I’m back in the Devildom, where I can’t see you anymore, this feeling is probably going to grow even worse. I hope this is every bit as difficult for you as it is for me. (MC hugs him) …Let’s make sure we see each other again sooner rather than later. (He gives that soft fond smile again)

Barbatos opens the portal. Solomon tells them all to take care. There’s a flash of bright light and the opening song starts playing. “MC!” Yells Mammon with a bright smile before he jumps in. “Toodles!” Says a beaming, waving Asmo. “Till next time!” says Levi with a small smile. “Take care of yourself!” Says a brightly smiling Belphie. “Bye…” Says Beel with a smile. “See you around.” Says Satan with a smile. “See you next time.” Says Lucifer with a nod of his head and a smile. “Goodybe, MC.” Says Diavolo with a bright smile. There’s another flash and the portal’s closed and they’re all gone. The credits play thanking all the main and side character VAs over human world backgrounds and YOU! Back in front of the manor Solomon says it suddenly got so quiet that he feels lonely. MC’s silent and doesn’t answer him. “Hey,” he says after a bit, “didn’t they officially hire you as their “babysitter” because you came here looking for a job, you know that thing you need to be able to survive independent adult life in the human world… Did they ever pay you for that?” “…SON OF A B–” At the angel’s halo Simeon tells a sad, silent Luke that the others must have gone back home by now, Luke quietly agrees. Simeon laughs and asks if that bothers Luke. Luke blushes, stutters and denies it. Luke tries to change the topic by telling Simeon to hurry up and grind some coffee cause they’re about to open. Simeon says they still have enough time and Luke says he’s gonna take out the trash and runs out back to avoid his feelings and this conversation. Simeon laughs. The door opens and Simeon turns to tell them they’re not opened yet but trails off. ??? says, “I can see that, yes…” Simeon’s eyes widen and his mouth turns down, he’s too shocked to say anything. ??? says, “Well, look at you. I could almost believe you really are a human, brother…” Simeon’s entire face goes blank and settles on a cold emotionless expression though he still doesn’t reply before he slowly smiles, “…Welcome. So glad you could stop by, Raphael.” And the chapter, the lesson and the season is over. So…SO…you know I don’t even have words really. I’m not, we really are getting new characters aren’t we. I mean I said in some of the earlier summaries that at this point with the way they were hyping up the angels in this season that it only makes sense to bring them in BUT I never 100% believed they would and now I’m just???? They really are gonna do it holy fuck GUYS!? I need S4 badly like rn immediately but given that the break between S2 and S3 was really small AND that they maybe introducing at least 2 new characters the break between S3 and S4 might be longer AND I get it y’know but still I desperately need this now. Holy shit. And Simeon’s facial expressions! How he looked surprised and upset and then how his face just shut down (something we rarely or never? See from him) and then how it smoothed out into a smile ajsdvbkdwhskcjksk Raphael’s way of speaking fit exactly with what I imagined after what Asmo, Lucifer and Belphie said about him. This kinda formal, authoritative, cold, distant way. And the tension between him and Simeon!? “BROTHER!????” Does he mean brother in the same way as the Sins do or is it more brother in arms the way I see Lucifer and Simeon being in the Celestial Realm? It felt cold compared to them. Pls give me a heavily dysfunctional, distant and cold angel family to contrast with the dysfunctional but close and loving demon family I WILL SCREAM. I’ve screamed all my angel and celestial realm theories in the previous summaries (there are a lot) so I’m not gonna go into detail about them here but I will say I’m keeping my fingers crossed for morally dubious/grey angels who believe they are completely in the right at all times and I’m deeply scared of getting at least part of S4 without the brothers as we are introduced to the angels – I mean don’t get me wrong I’d love if they took time to introduce us to the angels without the brothers’ dynamics with them being involved and to give us a chance to hear their side of the story before they have the whole reunion between everyone BUT I’ll also feel the heavy withdrawal effects of being deprived of the brothers so yeah. Overall the goodbye to the brothers felt far more uplifting than last season’s one given that they ended with the upbeat opening song and not the melancholic sounding ending song. WOW okay. I’m gonna try and get through the hard lessons and unlock the chapters I couldn’t since S2. SEE YOU NEXT SEASON! LOVE AK 🤍

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yournameyn · 3 years

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Feeling Deeply Chapter 5

Genre: Arranged Marriage Fic. Fluff turning into angst?

Pairing: Namjoon x OC

Summary: The story of two deeply feeling nerds who find themselves in an arranged marriage. (Details here). Our OC is called Brishti. It’s a Bengali name meaning rain. Namjoon calls her Rim (short for her pet name, RimJhim which means the pitter-patter of rain). She calls him Joon.

Warnings: NOT THE NAMJOON OF OUR DREAMS. Argument. Fight over tiny discrepancies that turn out to be a huge problem. Domestic violence. Not a happy chapter.

A/N: Have you ever felt this, reader? When you watch something and realise exactly what you need to realise in that moment? I’ve had that so many times - seeing my feelings mirrored in a show. That’s something that I’ve tried to have Brishti feel here. Also, this is how I see the natural progression of this Namjoon, the one who obliged to duty rather than his dreams. It took me a long time to write this but I love what’s come out. Let me know what you think!

Current Chapter: London, late 1963. Love fully blooms between Namjoon and Brishti. And yet, something’s not right. A visit to the ballet and a conversation brings forth realisations. The inklings that Brishti was trying to avoid transform into writing on the wall.

Previously in Feeling Deeply: Preface Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Chapter 5

The magic about new love isn’t really in romance or even in true intimacy. It’s in how violent new love is… and just how much time it takes us to feel it’s impact.

In the new love between Namjoon and Brishti, everything had been roses and honey, overflowing, swaying in a gentle breeze. They spent every second possible in each other’s arms. They had to tear themselves away from each other when they had to leave home. And even then, it hurt as though they were part of the same cloth.

Brishti had thought about how they had become woven, their souls an ornate tapestry. Namjoon had told her then about a Japanese tradition of weaving that was a sort of meditation and a kind of worship to a god called ‘Musubi’. The disciples say it is like being part of the cosmic tapestry. Being tied to each other.

“Just like we are… I felt a pull toward you and I followed it. I was scared… so full of doubts about who you were and how this was all going to go… I had promised myself that I would fulfil my duty… whatever happened ” Namjoon had said, petting Brishti’s hand gently, “And I… I still can’t believe it… It… you make me feel like I can… trust myself.” Brishti had looked at her genius then and wondered what a strange world it must be that made a man like Namjoon doubt himself, “Always, always trust yourself, Namjoon-ah.” and settled into the crook of his neck.

It was indeed a strange world that caused Namjoon to build an armour around himself. Because ‘London’ and ‘Lonely’ sounded just the same to him. His years alone in this strange place had been unkind, unrelenting. Brishti had been the only softness he had felt in a long long time. Armours built over years can break in an instant, though. For him, it was the moment when he and his wife had crossed the threshold to becoming lovers. High on the magic of new love, he had not realised it.

Sitting across from each other after that fateful evening, Namjoon and Brishti were both wide awake in the early hours of the next morning. Brishti buttoned up the shirt they never fully took off. Namjoon had tickled her with his toes. They propped their feet against the other’s to see just how vast the difference was (he melted seeing how small her feet were and hadn’t stopped playing with them since). Caressing each toe, he remembered something he wanted to ask -

“How did you know what Saranghae is?”

“Mm…” she stretched her arms, “I know what it means…” Brishti said.

“I know you know… from the way you… after I said it… You asked Yoongi about it?” Namjoon cautiously asked about the only other Korean Brishti knew. To his surprise, she nodded no, still denying him any information. Namjoon had to tickle her foot for the answer.

“Okay! Okay! Wait! Pleeeease!” Namjoon stopped and Brishti bent down to the bureau next to her bed and pulled out a textbook - LEARN HANGUL THROUGH ENGLISH. Namjoon looked more shocked than she had expected. “I asked Yoongi about the book-”

“You don’t need to Rim… I’m not learning Bangla, am I?” Namjoon said. He was touched but he didn’t want his love to do anything he couldn’t reciprocate.

“I would have asked you to learn it… if I wrote poetry in my mothertongue...” Brishti said. Namjoon was shocked. She went on, “You really think I didn’t know?”

Namjoon blushed and smiled and flopped over in Brishti’s lap. She brushed his hair as she explained, “You light up at the mention of lyrics and poetry, you keep a notebook by your side at all times, you’re moved by the things that people usually don’t pay attention to… I know you’re a poet, Joonie.”

Namjoon looked up at her and said, “No one has ever called me that…”

Brishti leaned down and kissed her gorgeous husband. “You are... From what I know, I bet all my books that you are a great one... And… I… I would love nothing more than to be part of your world of words, Joonie… It must be strange… to be understood but in a foreign language. If you would let me, I want to understand you in your language… Do you think that’s something maybe--”

He got up and all but jumped on Brishti, pinning her down to the bed with the cutest puppy-yell she had ever heard. “Yes! Of course, yes!”

They both understood that this was a proposal. The truest kind - a gentle request to explore Namjoon’s universe. They would later joke about how she proposed to him after a month of being married. Namjoon was completely delighted by this person with him, his person… one who really saw him.

He pulled her to him saying, “You’re the best part of my world, Rim...” and kissed her.

Each moment of love flowed through the next. When they had to be separated, they couldn’t wait for the next one, their moment again. On weekends they would visit museums and find their favourite paintings and sculpture or their favourite prehistoric relic and animal. Brishti hated the fact that Namjoon had to work overtime to compensate for these weekends and she often voiced how unfair it was.

In response Namjoon would just give her a peck and say, “As long as I have you, I’m happy.” This pricked her but she was too taken by the man before her to pay heed to it.

Namjoon was just about able to keep a straight face at work but everyone around Brishti was acutely aware of how much she loved Namjoon.

At one point, her colleague and best friend, Min Yoongi had yelled at her, “Yhaaaaa! Stop blushing?! It’s just a clock… what could be romantic about a clock?!” Sayuri-san, and she were hanging around Yoongi’s table when Brishti looked at his new flip clock and started blushing.

Brishti laughed along with everyone else but explained, “It’s involuntary… that’s what happens when you’re married to a poet.”

Sayuri-san corrected, “I know too many wives of poets to know that’s not necessarily true… It is true though, when you’re in love with a poet… Go on… tell us how exactly poet Namjoon makes you blush about a clock...”

Brishti blushed even more at that. Yoongi rubbed his arms and demanded, “Tell us because there’s some really weird things coming to my mind… like you guys have an exact time when...”

Brishti stopped his imagination, “No no no… it’s nothing like that… he loves digital clocks... because he loves to watch the time turn to 00:00… zero o’clock he calls it… and on days he feels sad, it’s like zero o’clock is always there to comfort him… like it’s a point when the whole world holds its breath and he can feel happy again… but these days… with me… he said he wants the clock to keep going after 23:59… he wishes time would stretch on… beyond 24:01…”

Yoongi sighed and sat back down, “You’re making me fall in love with Namjoon… ahhh that is beautiful. He should be published...”

“Imagine him saying this directly to you and you might know how I feel… I can’t stop talking about him...”

“Oh, we know. But honestly none of us care… your poet-librarian romance is getting us through our single-ness.” Yoongi reassured her.

The three of them continued to talk about the ways in which Brishti could repay Namjoon’s wordsmithing in graphic ways.

It was that evening, wasn’t it, when Namjoon had enveloped her back in the warmest hug as soon as he’d entered their flat. Brishti was in the kitchen when she heard him enter but hadn’t expected this. He kissed her neck while telling her the good news, “We got our first Korean client today… because of me… Mmmm… Why do you always smell so amazing?”

Brishti turned around and hugged him again, “That’s amazing! Namjoon-ssi! I’m so proud of you!”

“He’s from a wealthy family… so he can actually afford our firm… its not exactly the work I wanted to do--”

“It is a step toward that idea, right? It’s still good work, fighting for justice?” Brishti asked, stopping him from undermining his own work.

Namjoon nodded, “Yeah… He’s a dancer… Park Jimin. All the posh types know him as one of the best dancers in the Royal Ballet. They call him Jim… as if it’s too difficult to say Jimin?” Namjoon shook his head in disapproval. He began helping Brishti with the chopping and continued, “He was born in the UK and trained since he was 5... He got into the Royal Ballet but he’s been passed up to be a principal over and over even though everyone who has seen him dance apparently knows that he’s far far better… So recently he spoke to the director there... and of course the director made a racist slur and asked not to bother him with this again. He can’t even quit and work at another company because of the contract they have him on. There’s a non compete clause… meaning he won’t be able to dance with any other company. That’s all he wants… to be able to get out of that contract… I’m hoping to convince him to press charges on racial discrimination too. We’re not in the 20s anymore.”

When Brishti didn’t respond, Namjoon looked up at her. “That’s horrible… I’m so so glad you’re taking up the case. But please tell me what you ate when you were alone?” He looked down at the carrot he’d been failing to cut.

Namjoon scrunched his nose and admitted, “Canned food mostly.”

Brishti said, “I’m really really glad you’re getting to do work that you are passionate about, Joonie, you deserve it. Now, you should know how to cut a carrot.”

Namjoon pressed up against Brishti’s back. She reached back up to the nape of his neck and made him moan into her. Then… then Namjoon made her forget how to cut carrots.

He had these ways… Namjoon, with his touch, his voice, his languages both spoken and soundless. He was lighting new paths into her self. She loved learning him. Paths she didn’t know existed, that she’d been longing for.

The scars of the loneliness, emptiness that Namjoon had experienced had turned his longings into a kind of starvation. He needed to be nourished and also devoured. Brishti was just the creature to do it. He could feel her warm fingers trace rows of pleasure onto his skin. He felt them bear down and singe when the two of them had to move away from each other. He felt those ropes tug at him as the end of his workday neared. Namjoon closed his eyes each night at her touch, the feeling and fragrance of her body. He felt blooms of intimacy spring up like seedlings out of the soil of his skin. And deeper. In the earth of his soul. So he did the only thing he could. Reciprocate. Namjoon sowed his love, his desire, his need onto her, into her every night.

There were times, though, when she would feel his absence in the middle of the night and see him working in the dim light of a lamp. She knew he had to work hard to do what he wanted but she also saw he had to continually prove himself to people who weren’t even paying attention. The reason they weren’t paying attention was painfully clear to Brishti but she was yet to experience it’s full stab.

Namjoon wanted to shield her from it. He was counting on an armour that didn’t exist anymore to protect himself and his wife… the reason he liked his life again. Whenever she came out and switched on a brighter light, reprimanding him for straining his gorgeous eyes, he saw that it did prick her - this world and the unfairness he had to endure. She would say something small, an almost-complaint that alerted him… against her for some strange reason. She would say something that would be easy to ignore and yet would prick him, like - “I don’t know why they haven’t promoted you yet.” or “Why haven’t they taken up Jimin’s case yet? You’ve worked so hard on it.” Everytime she did that, he would have to pacify himself.

‘I’ve told her so much about the Jimin case… she’s just really invested’ Namjoon thought to himself. Just so he would avoid thinking, ‘I shouldn’t have told her.’

He would have to calm himself, give her a peck and try to convince her to stop worrying. “As long as I have you, I’m happy.” Namjoon would always say.

Then, Brishti smiled as she always did. While trying to understand why that sentence bothered her so much. After almost five months of exploring this wonderful man, some part of him still felt unfamiliar… like it didn’t fit in with the rest. Still, these things take time, she had heard from so many women over the years. Besides, she was blessed with a man far far above the norms. So, how could she prod? These are things Brishti had told herself - until the night she couldn’t stay silent.

The couple was coming up on their fifth month together and Park Jimin had gifted Namjoon a ticket to the final show of the season as a token of gratitude, for having heard his story.

Brishti was nervous about going to this kind of a gathering and had told her husband to meet her there.

She had enlisted the help of Sayuri-san to look appropriate for the event. Her slightly longer hair was clipped and her eyes were kohled. She wore a burgundy knee length fringe-ended dress that she had received from her gracious host, stylist and make-up artist - an inheritance of her brilliant life tucked into the black pearl beading and deco design. It was a big departure from the usual tie-die or band tees and jeans with her baggy coat. She had carried the coat but felt this strange sort of compulsion to stand in the cold air in the noodle strap dress, for him to see her.

She felt butterflies in her stomach and kept fiddling with the coat she had draped over her arm. It was electric when she saw him.

Namjoon looked gorgeous in a tux. All of Brishti’s nerves were soothed just by looking at him. He had brushed his hair back. Tall and dashing - better than any heathcliffe could ever be. And with his reading glasses, he looked like the lead of a romance novella that would make all the women swoon. Indeed she was swooning. Brishti was suddenly warm in the chilly, windy night. And when Namjoon saw her, blood rushed to her cheeks. Everything inside her was running helter skelter in a panic. Brishti felt everything drop in the few moments it took for Namjoon to reach the top of the stairs. Dolled up like this, outside of her element, she felt like an imposter. Some angel needed to be standing in her place. For the first time, feigning beauty, Brishti felt like she wasn’t worthy of her husband.

She was finally able to keep her feelings aside when he reached her.

Namjoon kissed her palm like a gentleman and whispered in her ear, “Let’s go home… I need a private kind of dance…” Brishti blushed. Namjoon put his arm around her and felt the chill that had settled on her skin. “Aren’t you cold? Why didn’t you wear the coat?” Namjoon asked. Brishti just shook her head no and the two of them walked in.

Brishti assumed that the ballet would be a welcome distraction from the storm that brewed within her. She had read up about the show, the piece they were going to perform -

Tchaikovsky’s venerated Swan Lake. The story of a young girl who falls in love with a prince who promises to save her but fails. Ofcourse there were finer nuances to the story but this was the basic plot. As the lights dimmed, Brishti felt pulled in by the music, the eerie beauty of it’s melody played in perfectly with the questions that were swirling around in Brishti’s mind -

Why do I feel wrong?

Is this what Yoongi was talking about? Anxiety…?

Why does Namjoon look so... different?

Why is he so quiet, so… distant…It’s like he’s keeping himself away from me despite being right next to me, arm in arm, like the true Namjoon is somewhere in a glass case? Deep deep beneath whatever this creature is who is next to me?

I’m thinking too much. No. What is this? Why am I feeling this way?

It’s the music… no its not just the music… something is fucking wrong because all I feel like doing is breaking that glass case that’s locked away My Namjoon and presented this fucking imposter. What the hell is going on?!

Brishti barely managed to keep it together. She kept her eyes on stage…

It was like seeing a moving painting being created by invisible hands and the music was the sound of the brushstrokes, amplified. Park Jimin was playing Rothbart, the owl-like magician who curses Odette into a swan until she finds someone who would promise to love her forever. The questions in her mind and the power of the spectacle before her forced her tears to keep flowing.

Namjoon saw Brishti cry and held on to her. But the more he tried to comfort her, the more uneasy she became, the more she coudln’t contain the tears in her eyes.

The curtain fell at the end of Act three when the prince realises he has been tricked. Brishti, somehow, mirrored his grief. The prince was cheated by Rothbart into believing that his daughter, Odile, was Odette. Rothbart relished his plan so despicably it made Brishti’s stomach turn. The prince had already declared to the ballroom full of people his vow to love and marry the maiden by his side - Odile, not Odette. Park Jimin played Rothbart so skillfully, so beautifully that despite being the villain, despite being covered from head to toe, he was the star. Rothbart giggled delightfully as he revealed to the prince that the girl in his arms wasn’t Odette at all. That Odette was waiting for her prince by the lake. The curtain fell as the prince felt the stab of betrayal and rushed to Odette.

Brishti rushed to where she did not know. She wanted to get away from Namjoon, from this feeling that she couldn’t understand, couldn’t explain. She was angry. She wanted to break something. Tears still flowing down her face, she found a corner that was hidden away in darkness. She went in. Brishti sat on the couch there, for what seemed like eternity, breathing heavily. Nothing made sense. It felt like her insides were twisting into each other. Suddenly, though, a door creaked open and out came an angel. A man, glowing, having just freshened up. He saw her, saw her fear and instead of pulling back in shock, approached with a strange kindness. He held her wrist and stayed silent for a moment.

His beauty was also a kindness to her. In that moment, Brishti could breathe a little bit better. He sat down by her knees, on the floor and when he spoke, his voice flowed like a tonic, “First time at the ballet? It’s overwhelming… I know. You’re okay. You are safe. Rothbart is not here. Talk to me… what are you feeling?”

The tears kept flowing. This man was different, she knew he understood what she was feeling like. She felt safe, but not as if she was with a saviour, rather as though she was with another victim.

“What are you feeling…” Park Jimin repeated. The pieces were falling into place in her head. This is Park Jimin, the man who danced as Rothbart. The man who should have danced the Prince. Who should have played Odette and Odile.

“I feel… rage.” Brishti trembled as she spoke. She could breathe again.

“Yes… Rothbart is… evil… I’m sorry-”

Brishti nodded her head no. “At the prince.”

Jimin was surprised. “Let it out. You can scream in here and no one would know.”

Brishti didn’t need another invitation, but her rage wasn’t a scream, it was a whisper - “I want to hit the prince. How could he not now? He couldn’t see that that girl was not Odette? Is he blind? The way she moved, the way she danced… which only means… it means that the prince knew… somewhere he felt doubt but he… He couldn’t fucking trust himself enough?! I don’t know why this is breaking my heart… Why can’t people trust in themselves?! It’s a pathetic fucking excuse and I can’t buy it… I just can’t. Why did the prince...” Her hands covered her face as she wiped her tears. She composed herself.

Jimin pulled out a kerchief. “May I?” Brishti nodded and he dabbed her face with care.

“The prince trusted his sight more than his soul. And now, Odette will die because of it. As always, the woman pays the price.”

“He dies too, you know.”

“What a waste…”

Jimin smiled, “Thank you… for watching the show, for feeling it so much.”

Brishti managed a weak smile, “Thank you.” Jimin stepped away and sat next to her, at a respectable distance. “I’m being lied to.”

Jimin nodded, “I know what that’s like. I feel that rage against the prince too. And still, we must be kind to our liars.”

Brishti clenched her teeth, “Why? Where’s the fairness in that?”

Jimin moves away, in a dejected kind of daze and pours himself a drink, “That’s the biggest lie, fairness. Cruel joke.”

Brishti walked toward the door. “I should go… Thank you.”

Jimin raised his glass to her.

Brishti wore her coat and walked toward the exit. She found Namjoon in a panic and suddenly felt like she could reach him. He looked so relieved to see her. She couldn’t help but feel awash with love as he crashed into her in the warmest hug. It was as if he was the one who was lost.

“Are you okay? Why were you crying?” Namjoon asked her as he stroked her head and held her in the hug for as long as she needed.

“I need to ask you something.” Brishti whispered as she pulled away. They began walking down the stairs of the theatre.

“Änything.” Namjoon replied.

“Your firm… they refused the Jimin case, right?”

Namjoon froze. His jaw locked up. “Let’s go home.”

The rest of the way, neither of them spoke a word. They entered their home in a cold silence. They washed the night off themselves and entered their bedroom, which was completely devoid of the heat and desire that usually filled it right up to the ceiling. What used to feel like an ocean, now felt like a vacuum.

When Namjoon walked in, Brishti reminded him, as kindly as she could,“I said I need to ask you something. You said, ‘anything’.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to talk about it.” Namjoon was cold again. Unfeeling. Unreachable.

Brishti tried her best to be calm… “When would you want to talk about it?”

Namjoon breathed in - “Why? Am I answerable to you?”

“Yes.”

“Well, we disagree. I don’t think I am answerable to you. What would you have done if I wouldn’t have told you about it in the first place?”

“I would still be feeling what I’m feeling… I would be even more furious though.”

“Fu- why would you be furious? I have to work there, I lost the account. I’m feeling hurt and disappointed in myself and instead of helping me, you’re angry?! What the hell could you be angry at?!”

“I’m being lied to. I’m being tricked.”

“What?!” the contempt on Namjoon’s face made her head throb. He was angry now.

“There are two Namjoons here. I’m being told there’s only one and--”

“That is some philosophical trash that you learned from one of your books. Real life doesn’t work that way. But how would you know?! You don’t have a real job. You have a hobby. A hobby of stacking books in order. You’re just plain lucky that someone is paying you for your hobby. That’s not a job. You of all people cannot tell me about the things I have to do to keep my job. I have tried my best to be as honest as I can be--”

“As honest as you can --”

“Listen to me!” Namjoon thundered. His loud voice might as well have been a punch. It rang through her body and rattled her bones. She had tears in her eyes but clenched them down as Namjoon continued yelling, “Enough… enough with the fucking tears. What the fuck are you so sad about?! I don’t need you to pity me. I don’t need anyone to feel sad for me. I have tried to be a good man - do you even know how much other men don’t even mention to their wives?! I told you everything. EVERYTHING. And now I’m being punished for it. Time and time again I tried to console you… even though I was the one hurting… I tried to be there for you and tell you… as long as I have --”

Brishti couldn’t take it anymore “Don’t. Say that.” She didn’t yell. Her voice was just above a whisper and yet it sent a chill down Namjoon’s spine. She wiped her tears. “I didn’t ask to be consoled. I was just… curious. If a few questions from me hurt so much maybe you should ask yourself why. I’m not lucky that someone decided to pay me for my hobby. It’s nice to know what you really think of my job. But whatever you think, I created my job. I created my life. I fought to come to london. I fought for the right to earn--”

“Oh please... spare me the feminist lecture...” scoffed Namjoon.

“Sure. Take up Jimin’s case.”

Namjoon felt the burn of white hot rage. He wanted to strangle her. He was so used to touching her… and she was his… in this bedroom, he had made her his. He wasn’t thinking. Namjoon strode toward her and held one massive palm over her mouth and the other on her neck and pinned her to the wall. “YOU WOULDN’T HAVE KNOWN ABOUT THAT IF I DIDN’T TELL YOU.”

It took him a few moments to realise what he was doing. Brishti was shocked and tried to scream but no voice came out. She was trying to get him out of his daze when he finally saw her, saw his Rim, horrified… by him. Namjoon pulled his hands back instantly. He saw a red bruise bloom where his hands were - on her face and on her neck.

“This is how you make your conscience shut up?” Brishti’s voice was hoarse. “You think this has nothing to do with your conscience? With the best part of you? The part that you made me fall in love with? Are you really telling me you don’t know that this is why you can’t write the way you used to… You’re killing my Joon and asking me to stay silent. I can’t.”

The searing anger still hadn’t died and it burst out of him, “Why are we fighting like this… over Jimin… why don’t you take up his case if you fucking love him so much?”

“What do you think I’m doing right now?”

“You… Why are you fighting for him against me?!” It was here that Namjoon realised his armour was gone. The idea of who he is... suddenly vanished. And the one thing that had made him feel safe, like his true self, was slipping away. “You’re saying… just tell me… you’re saying what I think you’re saying.”

Brishti did him the only kindness she had left in her, she explained, “Jimin wants to leave but can’t. He stays because he needs to dance. He stays because he cannot get out of his contract. You say you want to help people like Jimin, you roll your eyes at white people who can’t pronounce our names, you feel guilty for asians who have much less than we do… but then you also don’t raise an issue when your boss holds meetings in clubs where people of other races and dogs and women are not allowed. You work overtime for the privilege of weekends… You say you are trying but… as far as I know… you don’t have a non-compete clause in your contract, Namjoon.”

That hit him like an iceberg. Namjoon’s legs gave way and he just sat on the bed.

He watched as Brishti put on her coat and left, covering her bruises with a scarf.

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Chapter 6 - to be posted.

#bts kim namjoon #kim namjoon #forever rain #fanfic #namjoon fluff #namjoon arranged marriage #namjoon x oc #arranged marriage #slow burn #slow burn fic #fluff fic #bts fanfic #bts #indian oc #red thread fics

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quazartranslates · 3 years

Text

Welcome to the Nightmare Game II - CH7

**This is an edited machine translation. For more information, please [click here]**

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Chapter 7: Resurrection Overture (VII)

You couldn't see the difference between day and night in the Village of Dusk. Qi Leren walked in the street and walked towards Dr. Lu's clinic.

After the task in the Holy City, Dr. Lu should have survived—he was still unconscious after being detoxed from ingesting the Nightmare Witch’s poison-medicine, so he was sent back to the Lord’s castle by Qi Leren, perfectly avoiding the chaos in the late hours of the night and once again winning the dangerous task. Qi Leren was convinced that his luck level was off the charts. He couldn't even envy him.

When he came to the door of Dr. Lu's clinic, Qi Leren was vaguely excited. He didn't know how Dr. Lu would react when he saw that he was still alive.

He raised his hand and knocked on the door, and there came Dr. Lu’s faint voice: "I’m going to the grave today, you can’t see the doctor."

Qi Leren kept quiet and knocked on the door.

After knocking for a while, Dr. Lu on the other side became angry and opened the door to denounce the guest who was harassing the doctor. He suddenly saw the smiling Qi Leren standing outside the door looking at him. His face went white with a scream: "Ghost!!!!”

Seeing that the door was about to be thrown closed, Qi Leren flashed sideways into the house and angrily grabbed Dr. Lu, who was about to run. "What happened to your face? Who hit you?"

Dr. Lu, who was black and blue, covered his face and refused to let him see it. Qi Leren pulled him up like a carrot and angrily demanded, "Look, I'm still alive! Come on, who bullied you?!”

Because Dr. Lu looked young, Qi Leren never regarded him as his senior. He usually took special care of him when doing tasks together. Now, he had been bullied like this in the few days that he couldn’t see him, which made him angry.

Dr. Lu completely ignored the second half of his sentence, stared at him for a moment, and then rushed to touch his neck.

It was warm and had a pulse. Dr. Lu cried with a "wow", hugging Qi Leren to death with a strength that he didn’t know he had. Qi Leren was scared by him and wanted to throw him off, but when he heard him cry he became heartbroken and softened, standing patiently as he waited for him to calm down.

When Dr. Lu finished crying, Qi Leren's shirt was soaked, and he wondered where he’d gotten so many tears.

"I saw your body with my own eyes," Dr. Lu said with a stuffed up voice, his nose and eyes still red.

On the contrary, Qi Leren poured water on him like a master: "I was dead, but I had a resurrection item that allowed me to come back after seven days. I didn't say anything about this, and I made a mess."

Dr. Lu complained bitterly: "Do you know how long I cried?! I cry when I think of it. I'm so sad. I also wanted to clean up your things for you, but there was no key to your house and the door couldn't be opened. I had to cry and go home, I was so ashamed."

Although he has known Qi Leren for a short time, it was a friendship established in a dangerous and terrifying world. Seeing his best friend die, Dr. Lu, who was already full of feelings, was very sad. After the completion of the task in the Holy City, he had followed Ning Zhou to evacuate the residents, and the Holy See’s staff took the living residents away from their hometown. He and Ning Zhou had returned to the Village of Dusk. Ning Zhou was in a bad state along the way. Dr. Lu didn’t dare to cry. When he got home, he had seen the training menu Qi Leren had before, and then got into bed and cried for a long time.

He didn't really feel the deaths he had experienced before. He only felt as if he was playing a game that was too realistic. It wasn't until he saw Qi Leren no longer breathing as he was buried in the tree tomb that Dr. Lu had realized the cruelty of the world.

"Well, don't be sad. You haven't said what happened to your face?" Qi Leren looked at Dr. Lu's face carefully. Dr. Lu's forehead was swollen and covered with an ointment, and his mouth and chin were cracked. It looked miserable.

"I... I fell..." Dr. Lu whispered.

Where would Qi Leren believe this: "You fell all over your face?"

"Really." Dr. Lu showed him his sleeves and bruises on his elbows. "I was born with an uncoordinated cerebellum, poor balance, easy to fall when running, and failed in all sports."

Qi Leren remembered that Dr. Lu mentioned it to him before. At that time, he didn't care. He thought it was an excuse to be lazy.

"Can this be cured?" Qi Leren asked seriously.

"Ah, I’ve been treated? I can just use [Doctor’s Orders], it doesn't hurt anymore, that is, the bruises haven’t returned," Dr. Lu said after a pause.

Qi Leren was distressed yet amused: "I mean, can you cure your coordination problem?"

"No, but more exercise will still improve it some... I’ve also been exercising recently, that is, the training regimen you gave me before... I just always fall, but now I’ve thought of a solution of wearing more clothes when I go running, so when I fall it doesn’t hurt. It's just too tiring, I’ve never been so active in my life," Dr. Lu complained, and secretly glanced at Qi Leren. "Anyway, I’ll work hard and won't hold you back. Oh, my [Doctor’s Orders] have also been upgraded. Now the treatment effect is better. I’ll still milk you in the future. Tanks like you who die particularly easily need a reliable healer like me."

Knowing the cause and effect, Qi Leren was really angry and amused, and lastly he was a little touched. For a long time, he had positioned Dr. Lu's role as a healer who could find 100% of the task items and counterbalance his own luck value, so he didn't expect him to help in battle. Now it seemed that his death had had such a big impact on Dr. Lu. In fact, Dr. Lu had grown a lot more than before.

The two chatted for a long time, and Dr. Lu also carefully told Qi Leren what happened after his death, especially about Ning Zhou. Dr. Lu was very happy to learn that Ning Zhou could come back in a month at most. He accepted the fact that his best friend was gay and he was eager to teach him prostate massage skills that could make even straight men fly up. After being shot down by Qi Leren, Dr. Lu gave him a look of "peerless martial arts will be lost".

Qi Leren was hungry, too. He pilfered the delicious cupcakes Dr. Lu hoarded and ate his meal under Dr. Lu's resentful gaze.

"Those are my favorite ones... I waited in line for three hours to buy them." Dr. Lu wanted to cry.

"I just died and you were in the mood to line up to buy cupcakes, confiscated!" Qi Leren ate two of them and thought they tasted really good. No wonder they were so popular.

Dr. Lu looked at the cakes with a flat mouth amid his grief: "I was going to take them to your grave to offer them to you."

"Oh, I'll take them." Qi Leren smiled and smashed half a cupcake, stuffing it into Dr. Lu's mouth. "Well, you eat it too. It tastes really good."

Dr. Lu, who is good at buying, said happily, "As long as you don't die, I’ll buy it for you every day."

"Bah, don’t say something so unlucky! I don't want to die again," Qi Leren said.

"But you always die when you use S/L Data," Dr. Lu poked a knife in his sore spot.

“……”

The two men hurt each other for a while, and Qi Leren became tired. Because Dr. Lu had no extra bed at home, he ruthlessly robbed Dr. Lu of his bed. Heedless of the fact that Dr. Lu, who had been robbed of the bed, was whining off to the side, he fell asleep rolled up in the blanket.

He had another nightmare.

In his dream, he returned to the church at the top of the old site of the Vatican and stopped in front of the huge stone door.

He held out his hand to push the door open, and his remaining reason screamed at the top of its lungs telling him to stop, but in his dream he was ignorant and fearless and bravely pushed open the door.

The deceiver is watching him with a charming smile.

Blinded by shock at that moment, Qi Leren had no time to take in the smile on Su He's face. He actually laughed with no malice, only a hint of ponder and ridicule, just like a human watching crickets fighting to the death in a jar, watching quietly, wondering which one would win.

Once upon a time, Qi Leren didn't quite understand why Su He always had a calm and casual attitude, as was the case when he first met him. While he and Dr. Lu were extremely nervous, Su He remained composed. Because for him, this was just a cricket game. How could a chess player who could overturn the chessboard at any time be afraid because of the thrills on the chessboard?

Qi Leren dreamed of his death again.

His throat’s trachea was cut, and the pain of suffocation and the weakness from blood loss brought back to him with the dream. He crawled desperately on the cold ground, every inch of distance exhausting him, and his will constantly collapsed as he was tortured by death. He couldn't persist and gave up...

"Qi Leren, Qi Leren wake up!"

Qi Leren suddenly sat up, short of breath and in a cold sweat. Dr. Lu sat by the bed and looked at him anxiously: "You asked me to wake you up at this time... You seemed to be having a nightmare."

"...I'm fine." Qi Leren wiped the cold sweat on his forehead with the back of his hand. "Is there any water?"

Dr. Lu poured him a glass of water.

Qi Leren gulped, slow to come over from the nightmare. This dream reminded him that Su He might already know about his resurrection, and he might make another action. He had to be careful that Du Yue wouldn’t leak the Nightmare Game. At the end of the day, this was actually his fault. If he was making the arrangements now, his first choice would be to ask Chen Baiqi that if anything happened to him, she should give his letter to the Courthouse’s Prophet.

It was a pity that when he wrote the letter, it was during the time when he accepted the role of "Red". At that time, he and Chen Baiqi weren’t very familiar with each other, and he didn't like the Court, and he didn't even know about the Prophet. Naturally, he couldn't be as thoughtful as he was now.

He could only mend things by getting a contract from Chen Baiqi for Du Yue to sign, swearing that he would keep this secret.

His appointed time with Chen Baiqi was coming. Qi Leren got up, put himself together, and walked towards Chen Baiqi's home.

-----

Editor’s Notes: I love Dr. Lu so much 😭😭😭 He’s like an awkward parent who texts you about a cute cashier that he thinks is gay after you come out to him because he’s trying too hard to show that he’s supportive

-----

[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter >>>]

#Welcome to the Nightmare Game #欢迎来到噩梦游戏 #danmei

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lambourngb · 3 years

Note

“It was supposed to be a regular, boring morning shower”

First line tag

A million years ago, an anon sent me this ask for the first line meme. I woke up possessed and wrote “stuck in gravity, clawing for some bravery” in 10 days. This story is complete, 23,000 words. I put the first two chapters up on AO3 early in honor of the news of our show coming back. The rest goes up tomorrow.

beta thanks to the wonderful @tasyfa

Pairing: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes, Alex Manes/Forrest Long, Michael Guerin/Maria Deluca (past) Kyle Valenti/Maria Deluca (implied/mentioned)

Tags: Starts Forlex ends in Malex, Getting back together, Nebulous Season 3, Angst, Pining, Alien Soulmate Bullshit, Emotional Infidelity, Communication, Emotional Hurt/Comforot, Explicit Sexual Content, Dirty Talk , Telepathy, Handprint Sex

Summary: A year after Crashcon, Michael knows three things for certain.

1. He loves Alex and he probably definitely always will.

2. Having Alex as his best friend makes everything in his life better.

3. Knowing, thanks to his bullshit alien biology, that Alex still fantasizes about his body regularly while dating someone else for a year, well, that is a little more difficult to navigate.

It’s fine. It is all just fine.

Author Notes: This content is probably not appropriate for review by a college writing class on tumblr, just saying but you’re welcome to leave a kudo if you like it.

*****

It was supposed to be a regular, boring morning shower for Michael.

His first Sunday off in over three months deserved a little self-care, he had decided. The summer had brought an abrupt uptick in work at the garage with increased summertime driving leading to more careless accidents and stranded motorists to tow to safety. While Walt would deny it to the end, Michael couldn’t help but notice the old man had slowed down in his work. Between doing his best to keep Sanders’ in business and taking shifts at the Crashdown to fill in for the still-absent Liz so Arturo and Rosa could have their own break, taking the time for more than a perfunctory late night wash down felt luxurious to Michael.

There was a point to staying busy, with filling every hour inside an engine or on a different project around the junkyard with his trailer and that point was distraction. Distraction from the awareness that everyone was thriving. Max and his new-found ‘cousin’ Jones were reconstructing the history of their people’s language and literature together. Isobel had recently celebrated her three-month anniversary with Monica, an artist who shared the same studio space as Rosa. Maria had made exploring her alien-rooted abilities the focus of her life outside of the bar, combining her knowledge of yoga and meditation to crack the ability of moving forward in time. With that success, she had managed to bring back the answer to saving her brain from damage from the future. Her work with Kyle in developing the treatment for her and Mimi had led a new romance there. Then there was Alex, the true focus of Michael’s need for distraction, marking a one-year anniversary with Forrest.

It was fine. All Michael had ever wanted was for Alex to be happy. The distractions he had filled his life with helped soothe the edges of knowing who was at the root of Alex’s new-found peace.

In the last year, Michael had built a permanent wooden deck out in front of his Airstream, transforming his fire pit into an outdoor brick barbecue oven, before moving on to recycle discarded auto glass into window panes for a small greenhouse complete with a rainwater cistern off the rear of the trailer. The actual interior boasted its own changes, an expanded shower stall and more of a kitchen set up than a hotplate and kettle with a small split-level stove and expanded countertop. The next task was building a canopy to shield the deck from the elements. At some point, Michael had acknowledged to himself that each piece he had worked on had turned his portable, transient can-go-anywhere Airstream into a stable fixture at Sanders’.

A home with roots.

A home without Alex and he had accepted that, respecting Alex’s choice of partner. They were the right people for each other, but were always meeting at the wrong time. For a while, he had waited patiently for things to end with Forrest. He had been happy enough to work on being Alex’s friend in the meantime. Then, once they were truly friends sharing every stupid moment of their days via a text message or over a beer at his trailer, he had felt the betrayal of his selfish thoughts keenly. What kind of friend would root for a break-up? What kind of friend would wish heartbreak on the other?

The asshole kind, he had concluded.

As the hot water from the shower head poured over his head though, the acceptance he had about Alex moving on was just a little farther from his reach because Alex was currently thinking about him. They weren’t platonic friend-thoughts either.

A ghost sensation of a hand skirted down Michael’s body, lingering over his chest hair, and fuck, Alex had really loved to card his fingers through it. His mind was awash with impulses not his own, hot anticipation and the thrill of pleasure dropped down his body like the free-falling crest of a rollercoaster. Michael closed his eyes, soaking in the feelings. A gasp escaped his mouth, heard by no one in his trailer. Good God, Alex was really ready, waking with morning wood or to someone — Wrapping his own hand around his hardening cock, Michael stroked himself in time with Alex’s thoughts, pushing aside his own. It was best to just give into temptation and enjoy the moment.

It was something he had learned to embrace with varying degrees of eagerness over the last few years.

The connection with Alex had formed apparently sometime after the shed, but it had taken him over ten years and Alex moving back to Roswell to realize what was going on between them. The summer they had turned eighteen, they had barely been able to keep their hands off each other in the desert, and when Michael was alone, all he could think about back then, was Alex. His head had been a complex swirl of emotion, slingshotting him from the highs of seeing Alex to the lows of facing his own aborted future. There was the longing for Alex, the sadness that he knew their time was limited because Alex was going to go places, and he was stuck in Roswell watching over Isobel, but in the background, of what he thought was a relic from Jesse’s attack, was always a sense of sick fear, of being caught. Again.

Then over the last ten years, Michael would experience this awareness, and suddenly all he could think about was Alex. How it felt to touch him, the wickedness of his mouth, the burn and the stretch to accept Alex’s cock as he took him inside with a bitten lip- Michael thought it was just his mind, giving him a touchstone to happiness and the remembrance of being loved briefly by Alex. Nostalgia. Afterwards as he caught his breath, with his chest splattered with come, the sadness would seep in again, stealing whatever light that was made by those memories.

It wasn’t until after the drive-in, when Alex had spent almost two months avoiding him in person, that Michael had realized that those moments, late at night or early in the morning, were tied to Alex. It took falling into his bed one night, after visiting Isobel in her pod to finally piece it together. His face had hurt from crying on the drive home and the urge to sleep and never wake up again had been so incredibly strong that it took a moment for him to realize he was thinking about Alex. His cock hadn’t even been on his radar, but suddenly all he could think about was getting sucked off.

Fuck, he hadn’t wanted it then, too sad and scared about Isobel to feel much connection to his body for the purposes of pleasure, but the sensations and feelings that had overtaken Michael were too intense to fight that night. Later as he panted, open-mouthed and staring at the ceiling of his Airstream with distant thoughts of cleaning up, his phone rang once. Only the once. Then a ding of a text.

Alex -is home: Sorry pocket dialed.

The rush of self-loathing that hit Michael as he read the message had been so strong he had dropped the phone on the floor of the trailer. That’s when he knew it wasn’t his feelings in his head because in all the years of knowing Alex, of loving Alex, he had never once felt disgust toward himself for his feelings for Alex. From the moment across a borrowed guitar, Michael had accepted the tilt of his axis toward Alex Manes as a fundamental fact, like force equalling mass times acceleration.

Alex hadn’t shared that comfort, and the more Michael tuned into what was going on in Alex’s head, the more his heart broke. Two things became clear to Michael over time; the occurrences were sporadic enough for him to know that he only felt them when Alex was specifically thinking about Michael when he jerked off, and the post-orgasm feelings of disgust and self-loathing were not isolated incidents for Alex to feel afterwards.

“Sometimes things end in a whimper, Guerin-” and Michael had numbly accepted that as proof that while Alex might enjoy thinking about his body, about the ways he had pleasured Alex in the past, Alex had no desire for anything more from Michael. The sex was epic, fodder for a late night fantasy, but Michael himself? He was not someone that Alex wanted to want.

He had changed Alex’s name in his phone from “Alex -is home” to “Alex -is a bad idea” after that and then cursed himself for the trick of alien biology, doomed to be forever aware that he was an example of backsliding to Alex. When Maria had reached for him that night in Texas, he had welcomed her because she seemed at least self-aware of the fact she didn’t want to want him. There was zero chance of a misunderstanding between them that night, even as he kicked himself for still following after people who swore to him that it would never happen again.

For a long time after Caulfield, he had thought perhaps the grief of losing his mother had broken the link with Alex, setting them both free in the wreckage and dust of the prison. The dying psychic screams of his people had rolled over him, scorching his thoughts into cinders as that last connection to love and hope burned out in his mind, his mother’s life extinguishing under the thunder of Semtex and C-4. Then one night shortly after moving his trailer to the Wild Pony, it had happened again. The same overwhelming feeling of need, of longing, but this time the self-loathing afterwards had been accompanied by a crippling feeling of guilt. He had laid there in the twilight of the Wild Pony’s loft, having silently come into his palm while the sound of Maria’s breathing brushed against his ear. For the first time, he had joined Alex in that feeling of self-hatred.

It was past the time for him to flip the switch from ‘tortured lust’ to some semblance of friendship with Alex, if he could and so tentatively, he agreed to work on uncovering his mother’s past together with him. He updated his phone again with that decision in mind to “Alex -sup bro”.

After Maria had learned the truth about Rosa and sent him away with betrayed eyes, he experienced a moment of weakness for Alex after the visit they had made to the Long Farm. There had been a lightness in how Alex had moved that day, his steps had been considered but committed as they had explored the last place his mother had felt at home on earth. Inside of Michael’s heart, he had been able to feel the pieces moving together while he had stood in a place where Nora had had a family, next to a man who had always represented that promise to Michael. The openness of Alex’s smile as they had waited for Forrest Long to reappear had had Michael thinking dangerous thoughts again about a future with him.

What if. What if Alex were ready to take a step toward him without the weight of the past?

That tenuous hope had lasted until the night after Alex had given him the piece of the ship’s console. Standing in his bunker near two am, he had been examining the new piece of his ship, of his past, puzzling over why it wasn’t bonding with the rest of the console when he had felt the awareness of Alex creep into his cells, into his DNA. Eagerly he had opened his jeans with both hands and had fisted his cock, letting himself go with the pull of Alex’s desire. In the aftermath, he had found himself on the floor of the bunker, with come dripping off a fallen drawing of a ship’s engine, but near tears with the knowledge that nothing had changed for Alex. It had still been the same fear flooding his veins, still the same anchor of tortured longing and deep shame weighing his limbs down even as he had been left wrecked by how good his body had felt.

It had been madness for Michael the next few months as he had fallen in deeper with Maria, while the connection with Alex had kept tugging at his soul. There had been little rhyme or reason to when it had happened. Weeks would pass where he apparently hadn’t crossed Alex’s mind once, and then there had been a week when every night Michael had been hit with the same mix of love, lust and bottomless need. Thankfully it had matched with the week-long retreat Maria and Mimi had taken together, saving Michael the work of explaining to her why he was wearing out the washing machines at the Fluff N Fold with his dirty sheets.

The self-torment Alex had felt about him had slowly lifted, to the point when Michael had found out the truth about Walt Sanders, he had called Alex without hesitation. The contact in his phone had changed to ‘Alex- best bro’. If he had finally become a measure of comfort for Alex to remember in his most personal moments, then perhaps Alex could also become a comfort to him, without the mire of their trauma holding them frozen in place.

He had been fooling himself completely in the aftermath of Alex’s abduction that friendship would ever be enough for him. The wounds from his breakup with Maria had still been bleeding below his skin when he had stepped into the Wild Pony to hear Alex singing about him. About them. Then he had been hit with the connection, blossoming open for the first time ever in Alex’s actual presence under the spell of his song.

There had still been a ghost of darkness in Alex’s feelings for him, as he had sung about fighting battles but for the first time in a long time, Michael had felt that there was hope that Alex was finally finding peace with Jesse dead. Despite Isobel’s prodding him to stay and make a move, he had known that it wasn’t their time yet. There had been too much grief and regret swirling in his head, and not just from Alex, but he could be patient for them both for the right moment. The connection had never felt more alive between them that night on the promise of a future.

At least that was what he had thought, until time had kept passing yet here he was, standing in his shower with his hand on his dick a year later, while Alex was across town in someone else’s bed but clearly thinking about him.

Michael watched as his seed dripped down the fiberglass walls, the shower spray sending it down the drain in an eddy of his own frustrated longing. His body was calm, at least, and his mind was buzzing with happiness from Alex. He concentrated on the euphoria floating between them in particular. Alex had soaked up pleasure this morning, pursuing it with a greed that Michael couldn’t help but admire, and then he had let himself go without any hint of shame. God, it felt good to know that Alex had finally found that comfort with himself.

He breathed in and out, counting the seconds down until the connection faded. Once it was over, he gave himself five more minutes under the hot spray, letting whatever was welling in his eyes, slip unseen down his face. He cursed his stupid alien biology in the same breath that he clung to it for giving him Alex again, if only briefly.

After he was dressed for his brunch plans with everyone, he checked his phone before he left, to find a text from Alex. The contact had been updated one more time, six months after the Crashcon, from “Alex -best bro” to “Alex -bf”. Isobel had been way too excited to see that notation, until Michael had patiently explained it had stood for ‘best friend’. Maybe in another universe it was ‘boyfriend’, just not this one.

This wasn’t crumbs, he had argued to her, Alex was still a feast for him in whatever way he could have him. He read the text with his mind still working to box up the feelings that lingered for Alex, “Tell everyone we will be late- overslept”. The ‘we’ was what puzzled Michael the most about the whole situation over the last year. Why was Alex still thinking about Michael the way he did while he was with someone else?

AO3 link for more

#malex #malex fic #roswell new mexico #getting back together #season 3 #set a year after the crashcon 2x13 #not forrest long friendly #alien soulmate bullshit #publishing this ask and posting a link is self-indugent but wanted nonnie to see it #Anonymous #alien soulmate shenanigans #cosmic soulmates

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horansqueen · 4 years

Text

Stuck With You - Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Cruel To Be Kind

🡪chapter 1 🡪chapter 2 🡪chapter 3 🡪chapter 4 🡪chapter 5 🡪chapter 6 🡪chapter 7 🡪chapter 8 🡪chapter 9 🡪chapter 10 🡪chapter 11

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

Oh I can't take another heartache

Well I do my best to understand dear But you still mystify and I want to know why I pick myself up off the ground To have you knock me back down, again and again

click here to be on the update list

�� "Are you sure you can't do anything?" I asked with a begging voice and puppy eyes.

I knew it probably wouldn't change anything but I was ready to try anything to get an other room. I had waited over an hour to talk to someone who was in charge and then had to wait an other half hour to get an answer. Apparently, I was on a waiting list and they couldn't tell me when they would be able to assign me a new room on the girls' side. It all depended on when there would be a spot available, meaning that a girl had to move out, and obviously, they couldn't tell me when it would happen.

"I'm very sorry." the woman replied, making me sigh.

I could read in her face that she felt sorry for me, but she probably thought it was making me uncomfortable to be in the boys' building. If I wanted to be honest, I didn't really care if I was with boys or girls, I just wanted to be far from Niall. The longer I stayed near him, the more I realized that I actually liked him more than I should. I couldn't even think of what a whole year would do to my feelings.

"Alright, well thank you anyway." I replied, sending her a sad smile and turning around to leave.

It was horrible to think I was still stuck in the same room and I was pissed at myself for even mentioning it to Niall. He probably expected me to leave the room very soon and I was scared he'd be pissed at me for staying.

I walked out of the building as an other idea popped in my head and quickly, I took my phone out of my pocket. I started checking if there were rooms to rent off of campus but still close and I got very excited when I found a few. Unfortunately, they were expensive and I put my phone back in my pocket with a sigh after added them to my bookmarks. Perhaps, I could get myself a job to pay for a room, at least until a room in the girls' building would be available. The thought of moving out over and over made me grimace but at the same time, I knew it would help me not fall in love with Niall, and I was also well-aware of how bad he wanted me out.

I stopped in front of my room and stared at the door for a few minutes. The truth was, I was tired to fight with Niall but I knew it was inevitable. I knew that one of us would say something to annoy the other on purpose. We were both quite good at this game, and I was not in the mood for it. I was also a bit scared that I'd catch him naked on top of a girl again and although I knew it would probably help me with my goal of hating him, I also knew it would hurt me and I was even less in the mood for that. Slowly, I brought my hand to the knob but I felt my heartbeats accelerate and pressed my lips together before putting my palm on the door gently. I took a step closer, turning my head and trying to listen to what was happening on the other side. It seemed to be quiet and I breathed in before quickly turning the knob and walking in.

Niall was not there and the room was quiet. I blinked a few times and closed the door slowly as I was getting a notification. As I grabbed my phone, I realized how sweaty my hands were and how stressed this whole thing was making me.

'Dev, where are you?'

'Can I crash in your room tonight?' I just typed and sent, ignoring his question.

I watched the three dots move for a few seconds before I sighed of relief as I got his answer.

'Of course'

As Louis had mentioned to me, I was lucky that his roommate had recently got a girlfriend and was often gone a few nights in a row because we weren't sure if he would just accept to share the room with me. I had been crashing for two night already in his room, making sure that Niall was out whenever I needed to get something in our room.

When I received a text message in the morning, I groaned, a bit mad that I kept the sound of my phone on. I started late on wednesday's and I could really use more sleep. It was true that I spent my free time with Louis in his room, but most of the time, we were busy with studying and school projects. I was starting to think I was getting a bit on his nerves but I had a job interview in a few days and hopefully, I would get it and be able to rent a room. I hadn't talked to Louis about it because I knew he would try to talk me out of it and somehow, I knew he would succeed.

'7pm at the library'

I sighed when I read Daxia's message and closed my eyes again before sending her a thumb up and putting my phone away again. I lied down on my back, my head on Louis' pillow and I heard him groan next to me. Poor Louis, I was invading his room and invading his bed. It really was time I would give him his space back and find a new place to live.

"Sorry If I woke you up." I whispered, my eyes fluttering open.

"No, it's cool." he said in a husky voice. "Is everything okay?"

"Yea, It's just that project..." I shook my head a bit and shrugged. "I'm dreading this."

"No, you're stressed to see Niall again. You've been avoiding him for two days and knowing you, you'd keep doing it for months." he pointed out before clearing his throat. "This can't be mentally healthy, you know that, right?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Louis sighed and sat up, rubbing his eyes before sending me an annoyed face. "Are you kiddin' me? Dev, trying to hate someone that you actually have feelings for is not a healthy way to deal with this."

"What's the right way? Letting him hurt me over and over again?" I frowned, sitting up slowly. "Anyway, it's just a few hours, I've got this."

Rolling his eyes, Louis got up and searched through his stuff for a towel. "Okay, do as you please." he let out, shrugging a shoulder, but I could read a bit of anger in his voice. "If it changes anything, he likes you too, and he's trying to fight it too. You two are oblivious. And obvious. Oh you know what? You're also both obnoxious!"

"Any other adjective that starts with an 'O'?" I asked a bit rudely, making him turn his head quickly in my direction.

"Yes! Obstinate! And... and... overbearing!" he continued a bit louder. "And obscene, but that's a different story."

My eyes got bigger and a smile drew itself on my lips, making him chuckle. I grabbed one of his pillow and threw it at him, making him laugh even more as he turned a shoulder to block it.

"Shut up!"

"Heyyy, be nice!" he joked, raising his nose up. "I'm letting you sleep in my room so you owe me!"

I knew he was joking but my amused smile turned into a fond one. "I know, thank you Louis. Thank you so much."

I walked to the library a few minutes late and immediately noticed Daxia, sitting at a table a bit further, her books spread on it as she scribbled something quickly. I walked up to her but it took her a few seconds to notice me and she just sent me a small smile as she gathered all her books.

"Good, you're finally here." she whispered, getting up. "Come on, I reserved us a room so we don't bother everyone and we can talk a bit louder."

I nodded and followed her for about half a minute but when I stepped foot in the room, my smile fell and my heart sank. Niall was already there, sitting at the table with Asher, and I had no idea that seeing him again would make my heart drop in my stomach. He looked up at me, the same damn lock of his hair falling on his forehead before he passed his hand in his hair, pushing it back. I held my breath when out eyes met until I realized Daxia took a seat next to Asher and I was the only left standing up. I cleared my throat and took the only seat left, which, of course, happened to be next to Niall.

After a bit more than two hours, we had managed to put both parts of the project together (the one Niall and I had worked on, and the one Asher and Daxia wrote), and we were working on a conclusion.

"Devon, you can not seriously tell me that Dali was the most important surrealist painter of all times!" Niall argued firmly with a small chuckle, shaking his head. "Without Breton, surrealism wouldn't even exist!"

"That is the most stupid thing I've heard today!" I let out, feeling slightly insulted.

"He's the founder of it all!" Niall continued, getting his back straight and frowning at me. "Argue with that!"

"He founded the movement!" I corrected him. "And being the first doesn't mean being the best!"

"This is ridiculous, you're delusional!"

"Now, that's an argument!" I replied with sarcasm. "And Dali was the only one who didn't need drugs to paint!"

"So he was insane even sober? Big deal!"

"SHUT. UP!"

Niall and I stopped immediately at Asher's voice but we kept looking at each other, and something in my stomach stirred. Despite the fact that I believed in what I was saying, I would normally have a calm conversation and probably even agree on some of the things he said. But it was Niall, and I had to do everything to hate him, right?

If I wanted to be honest, though, I had enjoyed our discussion and it would have been near perfection if we hadn't almost yelled at each other.

"You know what? I'll just finish the last few sentences by myself." Daxia proposed with a sigh before getting up. "I think we're all a bit tired."

Asher did the same and finally, Niall and I got up at the same time. We walked out of the library and when I heard my name, my heart skipped a beat. Why did it sound so special in his mouth?

"Need a ride?" he added after I turned to look at him.

The left corner of my lips raised up and I nodded once as we walked together to his car.

"Thank you." I told very low, glancing at him.

"No problem."

We remained silent until he parked his car and he finally turned to me, raising his eyebrows. "You know there's actually no proof that Dali didn't do drugs, right?"

"He used other methods." I shrugged.

"Doesn't mean he didn't also do drugs." he explained, making me tilt my head. "Besides, painters were the worst. They were always drunk or high, especially surrealist painters. You just like Dali's methods because they were... well, they were insane but unique."

I sent him a small smile and shrugged. "Maybe."

"Did you ever try?" he asked, raising his eyebrows with a smile. "Like, staying an hour on your head or, that spoon thing?"

This time, I chuckled and shook my head. "No, I don't work with dreams or images. I mostly work with my feelings."

"That's bold, don't you think? That means people can literally see your soul."

My heart skipped a beat and i lost my smile before swallowing hard. "You do it too with your music." I pointed out in a whisper. "People can hear your soul."

"Touché." he breathed out with a sad smile. "It's a big deal to share that with the world, isn't it?"

"Yes."

I leaned my head on the seat, my upper body turned his way, and when his eyes met mine, I remembered that time he drove Louis and I back to our room. I remembered the kiss and the way he was gentle and sweet. I wanted him to always be like that with me.

"Where were you for the past two nights?"

"I was not even sure you noticed I wasn't there." I chuckled.

"I did." he replied, glancing at his hands on the wheel before looking back at me. "I thought maybe you took a break and went to your parents' or something. I mean you were pretty pissed."

My smile vanished and this time, the image that came back in my head was Niall naked on top of a girl. I swallowed the lump in my throat and cleared it, looking away.

"I was not... I was not pissed." I just replied, a bit scared that he'd ask more about it. After all, I couldn't tell him I was jealous and hurt, right? "I was not very far, I was in Louis' room."

Silence. I finally looked up at him and his face had completely changed. He stopped the car and opened his door as I did the same and followed him.

"Good, well you should sleep there tonight too." he let out rudely, not looking at me.

"Why?"

"You said to tell you when I'd have a girl over?" he added, raising his eyebrows as we walked up the stairs. "Well there will be a girl over in our room tonight."

"Oh."

He unlocked the door and threw his keys on his bed, turning swiftly to me and crossing his arms on his chest. He looked mad and it hurt me more than I wanted to admit. That was exactly why I had to hate him, but it was probably one of the hardest thing I tried to do in my life.

"Grab your stuff, alright? Louis is probably waiting for you."

I stared at him for about a minute, remaining motionless, and finally grabbed a few things. He didn't move and when I was ready to go, I stood in front of him but he was avoiding my eyes.

"Well, goodnight I guess." I murmured and shrugged. "Thanks for the ride, too."

Without thinking, I took a step closer and got on my tiptoes. His eyes finally met mine and his angry expression turned into a surprised one. I kissed his cheek softly, my lips barely touching his skin but I still could feel his stubble scratch my chin anyway. I felt my heart jump in my throat at how bold I was and got back on my feet quickly.

"That was a nice discussion."

I could tell him that I hoped he'd have a great time, but it would be a lie, so I pressed my lips together and took a step back.

"When we didn't yell at each other, yea, it wasn't so bad." he added.

The left corner of my lips raised up in a sad smile and I nodded. It was nice to see a soft expression on his face instead of anger and I breathed in, turning around and leaving. I closed my eyes right after I closed the door and tried to hold back the tears inside. What the fuck was I doing? I was supposed to hate him, and not let my emotions invade me and get the best of me.

Why was I trying so hard not to cry that my throat actually hurt from it? Why did it matter if Niall was going to have sex with an other girl? It's not like I was an option in his mind anyway. But the question that echoed in my head over and over again was, why did it hurt me instead to make me hate him?

I jumped and got out of my thought when my phone made a sound. I knew it was Louis and I just breathed in and out a few times, trying to get back to my senses. I didn't want to bother Louis with my feelings again, and I was not in the mood to have a discussion about Niall. Daxia was right, we were tired. In fact, I was exhausted. I had no idea how I'd manage to go to class, study, work on project, paint and work all at the same time. There had to be an other option but I couldn't seem to find it and I just took a few steps before knocking softly on Louis' door. I could find a solution tomorrow, and anyway, it was not like my brain was functioning properly anyway.

I couldn't stop thinking about Niall and what he was about to do, and my heart ached every single time I thought about what I had seen before. It was one thing to imagine it, but when it was an actual image from an actual memory, it was even worse.

Louis was almost already asleep when I step foot in his room. I just put sweatpants and a hoodie on and joined him in bed without a word. I was tired but I couldn't seem to fall asleep and when I did, I couldn't stop the nightmares from taking over my mind. Maybe I should actually paint from my dreams, too, just like Dali. But then, my painting would only involve a broken heart and two naked forms.

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan story #niall horan writing #niall horan au #niall horan college au #niall horan enemies to lovers #niall horan uni au #my fanfics #swy

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auror-lovie · 4 years

Text

I Loved You, Mr. Scamander; Chapter 3

━━━•✦.✧. Author’s Note.✧.✦•━

Chapter 3!

You can find the playlist link in my bio! If you want to be added to my taglist, just send me an ask or fill out the taglist form that is also linked in my bio!

━━━━━•✦.✧. Summary .✧.✦•━

Newt comes to terms with his feelings. Years go by, Theseus and (Y/N) part ways. Leta enters the picture and Paris seems to be calling them.

━━━━━•✦.✧. Warnings .✧.✦•━

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald spoilers!

Another Hamilton reference~! (It’s small, but you’ll catch it)

LETA REDEMPTION (Because all we really need is to talk things out like adults.)

I had to make up some wizard version of “distance bracelets”

In this house, we stan healthy mutual breakups. None of that over-dramatized stuff. (Although those types of breakups are usually the norm)

It’s a little sad.

━━━━━━•✦.✧.☾.✧.✦•━━━━━

“Just know that before Theseus… It was always you.”

(Y/N)’s last words echoed in his head for quite a while. What did she mean it was always him?

“It’s not like I liked her or anything.” He mumbled to the Bowtruckle resting on his shoulder.

Pickett chirped as if to say “Yes you do!”

Newt scoffed. “It’s not like I like the way her eyes light up like stars when she’s excited! O-Or the way she plays with the ends of her sleeve when she’s nervous! Or how I know she likes milk and honey in her tea…” He sighed and leaned against the wall of the shed.

“I don’t like her… I don’t wonder what it’d be like to wrap my arms around her when I finally kiss her. I don’t wonder what it’d be like to hold her hand and walk the town. And I don’t wonder what life would be like for us if I told her that I…” Newt ran his hand through his hair. “No… I don’t like her…”

He looked at Pickett, “I love her…”

The Bowtruckle nodded

“But she’s with Theseus now… And if he makes her happy… Then I’m happy for both of them.”

It took a while for Newt to come to terms with his feelings. A year to be exact. He had his research and creatures to keep him busy. Though it didn't help when his mind would wander to thoughts of (Y/N).

He had to face his feelings like a grown-up. Newt finally wrote her a letter, apologizing for his behavior on that day. To his surprise, she wrote back.

My Dearest, Newton

It’s been so long, but there was never a day where I’d hope and wait for one of your letters. I would've waited for as long as it took- forever even. Now, I would’ve written to you first, but that would’ve rushed things on your end and I didn’t want that. I wanted to give you time. Merlin knows how stubborn you can be.

Once again, I do apologize for not telling you that I was dating your brother. Like most important news, we wanted to tell you in person. I hope you can find it somewhere in your heart to forgive me.

How are you, Newton? Are you eating well? Taking care of yourself? (Your creatures are not the only ones that need care). If not, I’ll go and take care of you myself, like the old days- AFTER I scold you. Also, this may be a bit soon, but Theseus and I are still willing to meet up for tea. Let me know when you’re available.

With Love,

(Y/N)

Of course, he’d forgiven her. He’d done so the moment she left him alone in the hallway. And scold him? Who was she, Victoria?

Newt let out a soft chuckle as he set down her letter in a box. This box contained every memento he had of (Y/N)- from photos, to letters, to news clippings. “I’ll always forgive you…”

•✦.✧.🔎.✧.✦•

Theseus was a bit skeptical when (Y/N) decided to visit Newton a Saturday. Not that he didn’t trust her or Newt. It was out of the blue. For a year they hadn’t been in correspondence, but now they were acting as if they were never apart?

~*~*~

Newt and (Y/N) spent most of the day in his case. The hours ticked by as he introduced her to all the creatures he’d written about in his letters.

“Mummy’s here…” He cooed as he showed her the occamys.

(Y/N) giggled, “You’re their mummy?” “Of course I am. Being a single parent is hard!” He huffed. (Y/N) thought for a moment, then an idea popped into her head. “Then as your best friend, I get daddy rights.” She claimed. “Y-You can’t do that!” “Too late, Mr. Scamander. It’s decided.” “Says who?” “Says Pickett!” She replied, a smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. Newt frantically looked around his coat. He patted it, trying to find his beloved Bowtruckle. “Pickett?” Her smirk turned into a soft smile. “Come on out, Pickett. Or your mum will get a heart attack.” She whispered to the creature hiding in her coat pocket. Pickett crawled out of her pocket and rested on (Y/N) shoulder. He chirped, making Newt look up. Newt let out a sigh of relief, “Pickett, don’t scare me like that…” He looked at (Y/N), “Consider yourself lucky, he never leaves my side... Commitment issues.” (Y/N) looked at Pickett in awe as he crawled onto her hand, holding onto her pointer finger. “Don’t worry. I won’t leave you…”

~*~*~

That day, Theseus had a meeting with Travers and Victoria. Before the meeting, he asked Victoria if this was normal and she explained that this is how they were. They could spend years apart but put them in the same room and they’d act as if they never were. By letter or being there in person, their friendship was set in stone.

After the meeting, Theseus had gone to Newt’s flat to pick (Y/N) up. Knowing both of them, he knew they’d spend the whole day with his creatures. He knocked on the door and waited. When no one came, he slowly turned the doorknob, not surprised to find it unlocked. He shut the door behind him and walked into the living room. “Newt? (Y/N)?” He called out. Silence. Muffled laughs could be heard from the basement. Theseus smiled. It felt good to know that his girlfriend and his brother were getting along. He made his way to the door of the basement. He opened the door and quietly made his way down the stairs. “Brother!” He cheered, but his brother seemed distracted. Newt was staring at something in the distance. Well, whatever he was looking at, it wasn’t in fear or wonder. It was something else. “Why didn’t you answer the door? I could’ve been a serial killer.” Theseus said as he continued down the stairs. “I was wondering if…” Reaching the bottom of the steps, he paused. Newt was leaning forward on the desk, resting his chin on his palm. Theseus knew that look. He hadn’t seen it on his brother before, but he had seen this look on himself. It was love. ‘What could he be looking at-’ He thought as he looked in the same direction as Newt. And there he saw it. (Y/N) was holding a bucket of food over the mooncalves crowding around her. “O-Okay everyone, listen to daddy!” The mooncalves looked at the bucket she was holding. She smiled and tipped the bucket, pouring the food in the spaces that weren’t occupied by a mooncalf. The herd turned their attention from (Y/N) to the food. Though one was still nudging her side. (Y/N) looked at the lone mooncalf and giggled, “Harold, I don’t have any more food. Go on!”

“Harold” stared at her for a moment before running back to the area with food. (Y/N) looked at the mooncalves before paying attention to the Niffler hanging on her shoulder. “And you, Niffler! You can’t go around stealing daddy’s wrist watch!”

Theseus could help but stare at the scene with the same look as Newt. His shoulders became more relaxed- putting aside what happened during the meeting. He shook his head, breaking from his trance and finally made his way over to Newt. He patted Newt’s shoulder, startling the younger Scamander brother.

Newt flinched before looking to whoever brought him back to reality. His face changed from annoyance to relief when he saw his brother standing there, “Theseus! I didn’t hear you come in.”

“I was calling out to you for the past ten minutes!”

“Guess I was a little distracted….” Newt said nervously.

“Thes!” (Y/N) called out, causing the brothers to look at her. “C-Can we get one?” She asked, walking towards them while cradling Niffler.

•✦.✧.🔎.✧.✦•

Soon, things went back to normal. Newt and (Y/N) were exchanging letters like never before. The universe seemed to be giving them a time of peace. Then again… there’s always an unsettling calm before the storm.

~*~*~

(Y/N) and Victoria walked into the Ministry's Headquarters one morning, chatting about new tactics to try out. Victoria recognized an old friend standing in front of the building directory booth.

“Leta…” She muttered. “Where?” (Y/N) asked, looking around the entrance hall. “Oh.” “I… I’m going to talk to her,” Victoria hesitated. How does one talk to someone they cut off and haven’t seen in years?

(Y/N) placed a hand on Victoria’s shoulder. “Hey… If you feel uncomfortable, you don’t have to force yourself into a situation if it’s going to cause you anxiety.”

Victoria stared at Leta for a moment before looking at (Y/N), giving a nervous smile. She stuck her hand out, her palm facing toward the ceiling. (Y/N) smiled and held her hand, interlocking their fingers. No words, but the message was clear: “I’m right here.”

The pair walked up to Leta, hand in hand, who was standing near a bench. Victoria took a deep breath and exhaled before tapping Leta’s shoulder. “L-Leta?” She stuttered. (Y/N) noticed this small sign and lightly squeezed Victoria’s hand. Leta turned around. “Yes?- Victoria?” Her gaze shifted to see (Y/N). “(Y/N)? What are you two doing here?” “We work here!” (Y/N) trying to make light of the situation. “I guess I’ll be seeing you two more. I started working here recently…” Leta trailed off. A moment of awkward silence passed and (Y/N) nudged Victoria’s arm. Victoria, finally finding the courage to say something, looked at Leta again. “Hey, I know we ended things on a bad note in our sixth year. And… I want to apologize for not being there for you. Newt wasn’t just our friend, he was yours too.” “Victoria, you don’t have to apologize-” Leta started. “I know I’m probably the last person you want to talk to or see right now, but all I ask is for your forgiveness. Maybe the three of us could meet up for tea?” Victoria said, her hand now shaking as she held (Y/N)’s. “Three?” Leta asked. Victoria motioned to (Y/N) and gave a shy smile. Leta hesitated for a moment. She could deny the request. She could make a scene. She could- but she wouldn’t. They were adults. Being petty and making a scene was childish behavior and she was above that. They all were. “Of course. You two are as inseparable as you were in school.” Leta said with a smile.

•✦.✧.🔎.✧.✦•

Years went by and Grindelwald’s members were getting stronger and smarter. They were using tactics (Y/N) and Victoria never heard of. Their mission assignments were rarely with each other. Even more so, they were far away from the other. Worried about each other’s well-being, (Y/N) had gotten them friendship bracelets. Each bracelet had a charm- Victoria’s charm was a crescent moon and (Y/N)’s charm was a star. Victoria had put spells and enchantments on the charms. It was to signal when the other was near and only activated when they were on missions. Despite the troubling times, (Y/N), Leta and Victoria repaired their friendship. They had tea, shopping days and sleepovers to make up for the lost time during their school years. As for Theseus and (Y/N)... There was trouble in paradise. They rarely spent time with each other outside of work. All they ever talked about was work: what their next move was, who was going on what assignments. They tried to make time for each other… They did... Warm hugs and passionate kisses turned into “Don’t go” hugs and “Goodbye” kisses. The mental stress and constant fatigue were straining both of them. It wasn’t toxic to the point where they were spitting out abuse, but the emotional neglect is what got to them. They loved each other, but the timing wasn’t right. Their break up was inevitable. With the war going on, they both decided it was best for them to stop seeing each other. If (Y/N) prided herself in anything besides her work ethics, it’d be her ability to keep her professional and personal life separate. Sure, Theseus and her broke up, but that didn’t stop her from working with him. She didn’t run away. (Y/N) continued to work by his side, always hoping for the best and a safe return.

•✦.✧.🔎.✧.✦•

With Grindelwald in the custody of the Magical Congress of the United States of America or MACUSA, things had finally settled down. It was Valentine’s Day and Victoria had decided to take (Y/N) out for dinner- a girl’s night out. “Newt ran into this muggle, or no-maj as they call them in America, and they had a suitcase mishap. Next thing you know, his creatures were out and about in New York! Not only that, but he also aided in the capture of Grindelwald.” (Y/N) praised. “Now you sound like his mum.” Victoria joked, sipping on her wine. “Mrs. Scamander? Oh, she’s such a dear. I love her!” “You had two chances to be her daughter-in-law, but I guess the universe had other plans.” Victoria shrugged playfully. “Vi! That’s uncalled for!” (Y/N) huffed. “I’m just stating facts, love,” Victoria said, her gaze following a couple being ushered to a table. Theseus and Leta- “Wanna just get take out?” She said abruptly. “I’m fine just sitting here, Vi…” Victoria eyed the couple as they sat down, “I-It’s no trouble. We can just get our food and eat it at home…” With furrowed brows, (Y/N) turned in her seat to see what Victoria was looking at. “What are you looking at-” “(Y/N), don’t” Too late. “Oh…” (Y/N) turned back and looked at Victoria. “I… I think I’ll take that offer on take out…” Victoria flagged down a waiter and asked if they could take their meal to go. (Y/N) sighed, swishing the water in her glass. “I never thought I’d need to do this again…” Victoria tilted her head to the side, “What do you need, dear?” “I… I need a week.” “Say no more, I’ll tell Theseus you need a week off.” Her week to get over Theseus was a bit different than her week to get over Newt. Mind you, she still punched a wall and wrote letters that she immediately destroyed, but she was an adult now. Meaning she could drink.

~*~*~

“Alright, stand all together! Mr. Scamander- Ah, not you. The younger one! Yes, you! Newt! Smile!” The photographer for the Daily Prophet ordered as the camera flashed. After the book release, they all met up at the Ritz for dinner. “Congratulations, Newt! I’m so proud of you!” (Y/N) cheered. “Thanks (Y/N). I couldn’t do it without you. You’ve been my motivator since forever.” Newt admitted shyly. “Ouch. I'm so offended…” Victoria said dramatically. Newt chuckled nervously. “Of course you all played a part in writing my book. Although, I did appreciate not getting a howler for my birthday.” He gave Victoria a look. “That one time was the most aggressive birthday greeting I’ve ever received.” “Take a joke, Newton!” Victoria grinned. “Since we’re here to celebrate, Theseus and I have something to say,” Leta announced to the table. “Leta and I…” Theseus started, holding Leta’s hands in his. “We…” “Theseus, if you don’t say something, I will toss this roll at you.” Victoria teased, roll already in hand. Leta rolled her eyes playfully before giving her full attention to the group. “Theseus and I are engaged!” This caused (Y/N) and Newt to choke on their water. Theseus and Leta were… engaged…? Victoria set the roll down on her plate and looked at (Y/N) and Newt. The couple took their reactions as a good sign. Theseus smiled and looked at Newt. “Newt… I’d like to ask if you’d be my best man.” “W-Well… Alright…” Newt mumbled. As for (Y/N) she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Years of being with Theseus and the topic of marriage rarely came up. But… Leta and Theseus were only together for a short while… ‘Why was it always Leta?’ She thought. Her breathing became shallow. There was this ache in her chest- she needed air, but her heart felt like it was racing a mile a minute. She felt like she was phasing out of reality. The surrounding noise became deafening. She felt dizzy and her palms started to sweat. All she felt like doing was getting out of there. Victoria noticed this. “Hey! (Y/N) and I have to run to the restroom. I seem to have stained my shirt and I need (Y/N) to help me wash it off.” Before anyone could say anything, Victoria held out her hand, her palm facing the ceiling. (Y/N) nodded and held her hand. The pair of them stood and rushed to the restroom. Little did they know, Newt noticed the signs as well. And all he could do was sit there. After all, Victoria knew how to calm her down. She always did.

~*~*~

Once in the restroom, Victoria locked the door. (Y/N) had flung herself into her friend’s arms and started to sob. “I don’t understand… Why Leta? I don’t hate her, but it’s always her…” (Y/N) cried and she hugged Victoria. Victoria sighed and rubbed (Y/N)’s back. “I don’t know either… She was always attractive and charming. Her hair was shiny and flowed nicely. Her personality was different from the stereotypical Slytherin.” (Y/N) sniffed and looked up at her friend in confusion. “With talk like that, it sounds like you fancy her.” She shrugged, “I did once, but that was a long time ago. When she hurt Newt… No, when she hurt you, that’s when I stopped. I couldn’t love someone who would ever think about hurting you or Newt.” “What about McLaggen-” “We don’t talk about the twat. He was an entitled prick that tried to shag me on the first date.” Victoria gagged. (Y/N) giggled. “I don’t even know why I’m crying. Theseus and I are friends. Leta and I are friends… So why does it hurt to see them already engaged?” Victoria held her by the shoulders. “(Y/N), my love, your feelings are valid. Even if you moved on it’s okay to relapse or reminisce once in a while. What you don’t do is spiral back into a corner of isolation. I understand that it happens, and those feelings are valid as well. I want you to know that I’m here for you. And so is Newt. We’ll be right here for you like we always have.” “Victoria…” She trailed off. “Ah-ah. Don’t go falling for me. Or I’ll show those Scamander brothers what they’re missing for not treating you the way you deserve to be treated.” Victoria teased, giving a wink. It always made her heart flutter when (Y/N) said her full first name. “Tempting, but what I was going to say was thank you. Thank you for being my best friend.” (Y/N) said before walking over to the sink to wash her face. “Don’t let Newt hear that. He’ll throw a fit and be all pouty.” Turning off the faucet, she flicked some water towards Victoria. “Hey watch it! Dry cleaning isn’t cheap!” Victoria exclaimed, trying to block the droplets of water. Giggling, she grabbed some towels and dabbed her face dry. (Y/N) sighed in content. “Okay, I’m ready to face them.”

~*~*~

“Victoria! (Y/N)! You’re back!” Leta cheered. (Y/N) smiled, “Y-Yeah. It was quite the stain.” “Hope you three didn’t miss us too much~” Victoria teased as they sat down in their seats. “Now that you’re here… (Y/N), I’d like you to be my maid of honor!” (Y/N) blushed. “M-Me? Oh, I don’t know…” If she were to accept, that meant she’d be close to Newt for pictures and seating arrangements. “Please? It would mean a lot to me.” Leta begged, her lips forming into a pout.

She glanced at Victoria before looking at Leta, “Only if Victoria will be one of your bridesmaids.” “I was already planning on it.”

•✦.✧.🔎.✧.✦•

According to the Ministry of Magic's Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Newt’s efforts in New York didn’t sit well with them. He was on a temporary travel ban and was there today to try and revoke it or to at least shorten it. To his dismay, it did not go as planned. Newt walked out of the meeting in defeat. He bumped in (Y/N), who held onto his coat. “Any luck?” She whispered. Newt shook his head. “No… The only way they would lift it is if I worked as an Auror, under my brother’s direction.” “Ah, I see.” She trailed off. (Y/N) looked around before saying anything. “I’m waiting to hear from Dumbledore about our next rendezvous.” “Newt!” Theseus called out, finally catching up to his brother. Newt turned to face Theseus, while (Y/N) let go of Newt’s arm. “You think I like the idea of Grimmson any more than you do?” Theseus spoke testily. Being out of breath didn’t help his temper caused by Newt’s actions. “Listen, I don’t want to hear how the ends justify the means, Theseus.” “I think you’re gonna have to pull your head out of the sand!” Exasperated, Newt replied, “Okay, right, here we go. What a selfish… irresponsible...” “You know, the time is coming when everyone’s going to have to pick a side. Even you.” “I don’t do sides.” “Newt.” (Y/N) said firmly. Theseus looked past his brother to see (Y/N) standing there awkwardly. She’d never seen them argue like this before. Newt took the small distraction and turned to go, but Theseus grabbed his arm to hold him back. “C’mere,” Theseus said as he pulled him into a hug. Newt didn’t reciprocate but didn’t push Theseus away either. “They’re watching you,” Theseus whispered in Newt’s ear. (Y/N) cleared her throat causing Theseus to pull away. Theseus looked at her, “(Y/N), I-” She held up her hand, signaling him to stop. “All the paperwork is complete. And I’ll make sure Newt gets home safely and doesn’t do anything to increase his travel ban sentence.” Theseus raised a brow in confusion, “There’s no need for you to-” “Theseus, Travers needs to meet with you immediately,” Victoria announced from behind. “I guess I’ll leave it to you. See you, (Y/N),” He said before leaving the three of them in the hallway. Victoria made her way to (Y/N) and Newt, making sure no one else was around to hear. “I can’t go with you this time, but keep me updated. Dumbledore is waiting for you.”

~*~*~

After the day’s events had passed, all Newt wanted was to return home and be in the comfort of his creatures. (Y/N) had tagged along, but he didn’t mind. She was the creatures’ father figure after all. The pair walked swiftly up the front step but paused outside the front door. The lights in Newt’s sitting room were flashing on and off. Newt opened the front door cautiously as they entered the house. They spotted a baby Niffler swinging from the brass cord of a table lamp, which caused the light to flicker on and off. The baby Niffler succeeded in stealing the brass cord before spotting Newt. It scampered away, knocking all manner of objects to the floor. (Y/N) had spotted a second baby Niffler sitting on a set of weighing scales, pinned down by gold-colored weights it was attempting to steal. Newt and (Y/N) looked at each other and nodded. They had a plan. The first baby made its way to the dining table. It caused a saucepan to drop on top of it, as it continued moving across the table. Newt tossed an apple into the opposite weighing scale, sending the baby Niffler flying into the air. She caught both baby Nifflers as they fell, then tucked them into her pockets. Satisfied, they headed toward the door to his basement but turned at the last moment to see a third escaped baby Niffler climbing onto a bottle of champagne on the counter. Inevitably, the champagne bottle popped and the baby Niffler zoomed toward them on top of the cork, soaring past them and down the stairs to the basement. “Bunty! Bunty, darling, the baby Nifflers are loose again!” (Y/N) called out. Bunty, Newt’s assistant, hurried into view. She was a plain girl who was crazy about creatures and hopelessly in love with Newt. She peeled off the Nifflers, from (Y/N)’s hands, with freshly bandaged fingers. She tempted the last baby Niffler- the champagne cork rider- with a gold necklace, then tucked all three into a nest full of sparkling objects. “Well done,” Newt said, smiling at (Y/N). She returned the smile. “I’m so sorry, Newt, they must have picked the lock while I was cleaning out the Augureys-” Bunty apologized. “Not to worry, dear. It was an accident.” (Y/N) reassured. The three walked together among the enclosures. “Hmm . . . I’ve fed nearly everyone, Pinky’s had his nose drops, and-” “-And Elsie?” (Y/N) asked. “Elsie’s droppings are nearly normal again,” Bunty said, matter-a-factly. “Wonderful. You can clock off now-” Newt looked at her fingers. “I told you to leave the Kelpie to me and (Y/N).” “That wound needs more ointment!” She argued.

“I don’t want you losing fingers over it.” Newt marched toward a patch of black water. Bunty trotted in his wake, following him like a school girl following her crush. “Seriously, you go home now, Bunty. You must be exhausted.” “You know the Kelpie’s easier with two.” She pleaded, really wanting to help. (Y/N) rolled her eyes. ‘Not to be mean, Bunty, but please leave…’ They approached the water and Newt unhooked a bridle hanging beside the pond. “Perhaps you should take off your shirt?” Bunty suggested, hopeful. Newt, oblivious to her intentions, replied, “Don’t worry, I’ll dry off quickly enough.” He smiled and jumped into the water. (Y/N) cleared her throat. “Come on, Bunty. Off you pop. Newt and I can take care of Kelpie.” She said with a forced smile on her face. Bunty, flustered, nodded quickly. “Y-Yes ma’am.” She stuttered before clocking off and exiting the basement. (Y/N) sighed as she waited for Newt to emerge. Newt burst back out of the water and Kelpie was bridled. Now docile, it shook its mane. “Someone needed to let off some steam. Ointment, love?” (Y/N) handed it over. Still mounted, Newt applied ointment to a wound on Kelpie's neck. When he dismounted Kelpie, he settled down next to (Y/N) to catch his breath. “Someone had fun.” She teased. Newt laughed, “You try holding your breath whilst holding onto Kelpie!” “I would’ve used the Bubble-Head Charm.”

He flicked water at her face, “I-I get it. I’m bad at Charms.” “Luckily for you, I received an outstanding in Charms~!” She claimed. “Y-You see, I would have thought of that, but Bunty… You know…” “Distracted you?”

“Exactly. Although… I wouldn’t mind being distracted by someone else…” He said, muttering the last part.

She heard that- “And who would you make this exception for?” (Y/N) asked, brushing his hair off to the side.

The tension was high. She knew it was a messed up thing for her to start falling in love with Newt all over again. She couldn’t help it. Love was selfish and so was she. She had loved Theseus with her whole heart. Only for the flames to be extinguished by the troubles of fighting a war that was bound to happen. Now that Theseus and Leta were planning to get married, she fell back to Newt.

He wasn’t taking the news well either. It seemed like he had no closure. Love was selfish and so was he. He realized that he was only infatuated with Leta. With (Y/N)... He knew he loved her. So much that there would always be a small part of his heart that held his love for her so close. And no one would replace that.

‘You…’ He thought.

•✦.✧.🔎.✧.✦•

Travers had called (Y/N) into his office. He leaned forward, his hands folded together. “I have a solo assignment for you.” “What mission could result in me going solo in a time like this?” She asked, feeling a bit uneasy. (Y/N) rubbed the star charm on her bracelet in a clockwise motion- signaling Victoria that she was being sent on a mission. “Since you and Newton Scamander are pretty close, I want you to keep a close eye on him. With his loyalty towards Albus Dumbledore, we can believe that Newt would go to him for a way to sneak under the radar to travel internationally.” Travers informed. “But sir-” “That’s an order, Miss (L/N).” He said, sternly. “Why do I need to go solo? You always encourage us to have a battle buddy. I request for Victoria Howard to accompany me on this mission.” “Request denied. She will be accompanying us to interrogate Dumbledore. Now, what is your assignment?” “To follow and keep an eye on Newton Scamander. And to report back to you if he’s seen breaking his travel ban or any other suspicious activity.” (Y/N) replied monotonously. Who knew that this assignment would lead (Y/N) to follow Newt and Jacob, his muggle friend from New York, to Paris?

#fbawtft #fbtcog #theseus scamander x reader #newt scamander x reader #theseus scamander #newt scamander #harry potter fanfiction #fantastic beasts fanfiction #Series: ILYMS

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books-fishlegs-was-awesome · 3 years

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So... I wrote something!

It's for the HTTYD movies (though I am working on a books!verse fic currently as well) and mspec Snotlout because I'm projecting. (It's part of a oneshot series of this headcanon, though I've only written one chapter so far.)

You can read this work on Archive of Our Own here, however I do understand that some people do not want to visit that site. Therefore, I have also included my writing below the cut.

Still, it would really be appreciated if you read it on there. (Though not necessary!!!)

Find a happy place, find a happy place...

Details: Angst, Hurt Comfort, General Mspec Snotlout, (If You Squint) Romantic Ruffnut/Snotlout, Mentioned Hiccup/Astrid (sorry), Mentioned unrequited Snotlout/Fishlegs, Set sometime in Race To The Edge and after Big Man On Berk.

Cw: Very tiny mention of iternalized bi/panphobia, Struggling with identity.

A blush was spreading across his face, creeping down his neck, splotching onto his chest. It burned. He didn't want it to burn, he didn't want to feel this way at all! (But there was nothing he could do to stop it, some things were just out of his control- no matter how hard he tried to keep them in his grasp.) So he turned away from the window, looking away from where Hiccup and Astrid were laughing and joking (as lovers like them did). He sunk down to the floor, sliding his back down the wall until his knees were brought all the way up to his chest- arms wrapped tightly around them. Squeezing his eyes shut, the dragon rider tried to stop his heart from racing so fast. Deeply breathing, he slowed the approach of the eventfully appearing chance of tears. He didn't like when he cried, it made him feel weak. (Like any teenager born and raised on Berk, he didn't like feeling weak.) Sure, he knew that it wasn't bad to cry; Hiccup had told him that. And though it had been reassuring at the time, it just made him feel worse when he thought about it when he felt like crying. Especially if part of the reason he felt like crying was Hiccup himself. Or maybe it was Astrid? It was getting harder and harder to tell as the days went on, like each second that passed was another second where the lines blurred. Another second where he felt bitter about this whirlwind of emotions- of attraction. Another second where he didn't know what to do. A strangled sound left his throat, he couldn't stop it. (The noise was drawn from in his chest, he could feel his lungs punch out the air even though he didn't want to breathe to get it back in. It was somewhere between a sigh and a groan, coming out sadder than he had meant it too. More pained than he even knew he could be.) That was why it was weird, because he wasn't expecting to hear something that represented how he felt. Because he didn't know if there was even a way to capture the internal conflict he had been experiencing over the last few months. (Had it really been that long? How could time fly and yet crawl so slow at the same time, how could this have started then if it felt like it was only yesterday? And yet, how was it that it felt like years since he hadn't felt unsure of what he 'liked'?) He didn't have answers to these questions, except the first one because he knew what day it had been when this had really started. He had been having questions for a while before it, years back even, but they had really gotten stronger ever since that whole fiasco with Fishlegs. Now, that was something he didn't have words to explain. Why had Thor Bonecrusher just been so... Really, there were no words that could show how he felt! Nothing stronger to explain the bitter anger that he had with himself after coming to his senses, after Fishlegs was properly back. No way to show the way his heart did a little dance whenever he thought about the series of events, even if it was laced with the fury and jealousy that came with knowing that if he hadn't accidently hypnotized the blond in the way he had he could have pushed off this identity crises for later. Why hadn't he just kept his mouth shut? Now he had to relive so many of those emotions again and again, every time he looked at his friends. (Even Tuffnut was doing something to him, and that wasn't very normal.) He curled into and even tighter ball, hitting his helmeted head against his arm again and again, the strength of the action getting weaker each time until it was only a light tap. How was he even supposed to deal with this? Was the answer just giving up; or was it admitting to himself the truth (but, in that case what was the truth)? A whistling sound disturbed his thoughts, and he whipped his head up, turning to face where the noise had come from. Immediately, he made eye-contact with the person standing in the doorway. (He hadn't even heard it open.) Ruffnut. They stared into each other's eyes for a moment, the teasing smile that had been on Ruffnut's face disappearing as she made out the intense- real, fear on the

ravenhaired dragon rider's face. Maybe she had been expecting to be able to tease him a little bit, in a friendly way of course, because he had managed to mess up at something again. But no, she saw the emotion behind his eyes before he could realize and put up a mask or anger. She swiveled her head to look out the door, and then turned back to him. "Snotlout?" she asked, "Are you okay?" His face twitched as he tried to smile (managing only something more akin to a pained, teary eyed, grimace). But when he started an attempt to jump to his feet and act like nothing was wrong, Ruffnut rushed forward. She pushed him back down to the floor again, hands on his shoulders and her face full of concern- but firm. "Stay sitting," she demanded, the insistence coming as a surprise to the other as she didn't wait any longer for him to respond. As she went back over to the door and shut it, he tried to argue back. "Why should I listen to you?" he scoffed- though he feared his voice cracked a little in the middle and made the sentence less imposing. But even if this extra emotion wasn't added to the statement, Ruffnut just rolled her eyes as she walked back over and crouched the the ground besides him. "What's wrong?" she asked, taking him off guard with the further worry about his emotional state. "Nothing?" he lied, clear in the fact that the response came out more like a question of it's own. She scrunched up her nose, "You don't sound very sure about that," He was silent. There wasn't any way to keep the 'truth' in his answer evident if he spoke again, so he had nothing else to say. But Ruffnut wasn't taking that as an answer, so she shook her head and reached out, cupping Snotlout's face in her palm and forcing him to face her. "Hey," she stared into his eyes until he flicked his own away, hating to maintain eye contact, "You can tell me, I'm not mean all the time you know," He swallowed, but didn't say anything else. In response, she sighed and let go of his face, leaning her own back against the wall and copied the other's movements- staring forward into the darkness that was the rest of the unlit, empty dragon stalls. Almost in sync, they both wrapped (or re-wrapped) their arms around their knees. Ruffnut smiled at this, turning to see if Snotlout had noticed as well- but he didn't seem like he had. He was still staring forwards, a blankness in his eyes that made it hard to see what he was thinking. Hard to see how he felt. Her face fell once more, and she turned towards the dark parts of the building again- they weren't lit up by the light that made its way through the window behind them, or under the cracks in the door. The dust that floated in the air created little specks of light further in, reflecting what little brightness made it to them through the thickly shadowed space. Trying to keep her spirits up, Ruffnut hummed, "Welp!" She exclaimed, sounding awkward even as she tried to fit in with the shadows and sadness that laced the room. "I don't think this has been a very helpful conversation, but I do really want to help you. I don't bite, you know," Snotlout groaned and put his head in his hands, sounding more aggravated than sad or scared now. Ruffnut bit her lip, "Oh come on, it can't be that bad! I'm not that judging!" Snotlout gave her a look and she thought about it harder. (When she thought about it, it was fair that he didn't trust her fully. Still, this wasn't something she wanted to spread rumors about. This sounded serious.) She had a heart! "Okay," she started. "I'll go first then! I have plenty of things that are stressing me out, and you do too but you're not telling me what's wrong so I'll just talk instead," Snotlout groaned and she looked over at him, "Do you want to speak? Because I'm getting pretty mixed signals here," He didn't respond, but she didn't speak either. She was waiting for him to say something, or leave. He wasn't the type of guy to hide in some stable building and feel bad for himself- usually made some sort of show out of it. Acting like it wasn't that much of a big

deal, so the seriousness he was treating this with was honestly scary. But finally, after minutes that seemed to stretch into years, Snotlout opened his mouth to speak. "I've just been having a lot of questions recently," he said- but it definitely felt like he wasn't telling her the whole deal. "What kinds of questions?" She asked, "Because if it has to do with math or hair care I can't help, sorry," He stared at her, seeming unable to read if she was serious or not. She bit her lip, "sorry," she repeated. "I didn't mean to interrupt you, please continue," Snotlout shook his head. "No, it's nothing," he stated simply, "I should stop wasting your time- go out and build a tower or something," Frowning, Ruffnut shook her head. "You're not wasting my time! I had nothing better to do anyway," "Sure," scoffed Snotlout, "I'm sure," Ruffnut frowned, "Seriously man, please tell me what's wrong. I'm getting worried, you know we both hate to be worried!" Snotlout rolled his eyes and both the dragon riders went silent again. Ruffnut was waiting for the other to speak, while Snotlout was honestly just hoping and praying that she would leave. He was pretty tired already, even if he knew that there really wasn't another way out of this situation. Even if he left, she would be able to track him down if she felt like it. Honestly it seemed like she might feel like it, the worry in her voice seemed genuine, no matter how little he wanted to believe it. (He sort of hated the idea that the people he knew were thinking about him, which was odd considering how much he normally enjoyed the thought. Maybe it was because he felt weak, he didn't want that to be interpreted in anyone's eyes. Things seemed to be changing with him recently, maybe this was the next thing.) It took a long couple of minutes of staring at the dust that floated in the air before the male dragon rider sighed, seeming to give up on the idea of Ruffnut leaving. "Things to have a kind of been on my mind since..." He trailed off, staring into the distance for a second before shaking his head as if coming back to the present. "...since the whole Thor Bonecrusher fiasco," he finished. Ruffnut stared at him for a good long moment, so long, in fact, that he began to wonder if she was judging him. But when she spoke it was clear that she wasn't, "Yeah," she sighed. "I get that," Snotlout blinked, "you... what? With Fishlegs?" The confusion was clearly evident on his face because Ruffnut shrugged, "I don't know man, I guess? But what you would relate to more wouldn't be with him," Suddenly it clicked, "You mean," Snotlout started, sounding quite oddly joyful indeed, "you know what it's like?" Ruffnut cackled, "Of course I do, duh, identity crisis is basically in my name," "Not quite?" Snotlout tried to butt in, but was cut off as the other continued. "Plus, Tuff's also been through similar things- and I'm always right by his side to see it. Though, I guess this is more of realizing that some people actually... are attracted to people and realizing that he's not 'normal' or whatever," The twin turned to smile at Snotlout, "People like you and I go through more questions like 'is it even possible to like everyone?' 'are these emotions even real?' You know?" Snotlout blinked, much of his earlier panic forgotten. She really did understand. He had to admit, it was kind of strange to all of a sudden realize that he wasn't alone in this. That there were other people like him. But it was a good sort of strange. (Something more akin to joy.) It felt... nice to not have to be alone. It was going to take some time to get used to, this solidarity between him and Ruff, but he liked it already. (The plush was returning, but it wasn't bad at this time. It felt sweet, even.) Yeah, he thought as Ruffnut continued on with whatever she was talking about, he could get used to this.

(2,218 words.)

Sorry if there are mistakes I was extremely sleep deprived and sad when I wrote this.

#httyd movies #httyd race to the edge #httyd fanfiction #my content #snotlout jorgenson #ruffnut

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rons-hermiones · 3 years

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Come Find Me

by rons-hermiones

Summary: Unplanned, Hermione is forced to spend Christmas at the Burrow due to her grandmother falling very ill. After being ignored by Hermione for weeks, Ron is determined to show her how much she means to him. Just before he gets the chance to tell her, Bellatrix Lestrange shows up with other plans for Hermione. Can Ron get to her before it's too late? (Ron/Hermione Half-Blood Prince AU)

Rating: M for language & dark themes in later chapters.

Chapter Nine

Soon after breakfast Hermione disappeared back to Ginny’s room, she traded in her flannel pants for sweats. Keeping on her navy jumper, she threw on a warm cloak from her trunk and snuck into the garden.

Despite the cold, the outdoors were refreshing. Something about being outside just calmed her, helped clear her head a bit.

Slumping against her new favorite spot, an old oak tree, she pulled out the very book she’s kept to herself for weeks. Hermione begins to read it, eyes skimming the same passages over and over, jotting down important points in her notebook.

Like usual, she was so engrossed in her task at hand, she failed to notice someone walking toward her.

“Bonjour mon chèri.” Fleur’s smooth voice announces, seemingly floating over to Hermione through the breeze.

At first the brunette jumps at the surprise, having been tense lately, but soon she relaxes. Fleur was just about the only person she was willing to talk to these days.

Like Hermione, she had been feeling out of place, trying to find her footing. And sure they were in two completely different situations, one being engaged to a Weasley, the other pining after one, but it was oddly comforting to not feel so alone.

“Bonjour Fleur, comment allez-vous?” Another bonus, is that for whatever reason, the blonde reminded her eerily of her grandmother.

Maybe it was because they both lived out their days in France and Hermione was trying to cling onto anything when it came to her Gran as of late, but Fleur’s presence allowed her to think of the woman without feeling sad. To just remember her how she is, a kind, loving woman.

“Bonne.” She smiles, Hermione just now notices the blanket in her hand, “I’ve been sent on a mission to keep you warm!” She giggles, subtly nodding to the window.

Hermione looks over to find Ron standing there watching them, but as soon as her eye catches him, he drops the curtain like he was never there.

“Oh, I’m fine.” She tells the woman, quickly closing her journal and book.

“Well, I was given very serious orders that I get this quilt to you.” Then, she drops on the grass next to the younger girl.

She grits her teeth, “you can tell whoever sent you that if they want me to have that, they should’ve come themselves.” And she doesn’t even know why she said it, Hermione has in fact been avoiding Ron.

“I said the same.” The blonde states, “but you seem to make poor Ronald rather nervous.”

Hermione remains silent as she begins to pick at the quilt Fleur’s laid over them.

“I know what happened.” The older girl states after a moment.

Her eyes snapped to Fleur’s blue ones, “you do?” She sounds strangled.

Curtly, the blue eyed woman nodded, “of course. Ronald writes Bill about any chance he can and Bill can only offer so much advice about girls.”

She scoffed before she could help it, “yeah, pretty girls like you, and Lavender Brown, or even,”

Fleur cut her off, “they were all about you mon chèri.”

At this a twisted laugh left Hermione’s throat.

“No je jure!” She exclaimed, “Every night Bill comes to bed and reads his letters, he suggested I should join him to practice some English. At first it helped, but now I am invested!”

“Nice to know my life is entertainment, Fleur.” Hermione teased with a small smile.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that!” She defended, but then noticed the smile on the younger girls face, “alright well, it is entertaining. Anyway, if Ronald knew I read them or am telling you about it, he’d surely die from embarrassment.”

In turn, the witch just scrunches her brow, imploring the woman to go on.

Fleur clears her throat and sits up, “Oh Bill!” She starts in her best English accent and Ron impression, stifling a laugh from Hermione, “Almost died again tonight! Hermione saved me, again! She is brilliant, oh Bill,” she gasps dramatically, “I need something to get her for Christmas, but she’s already perfect! What do I do? Please write.”

“No way.” Hermione laughs at Fleur’s impression and at the dramatic recap.

“I swear it! Recently his letters have been a lot more, how do you say?” She pauses, “pathetic.”

“Go on then.” Hermione encourages liking the amusement of Fleur’s performance as Ron, as well as the additional information.

“Bill I am a,” she thinks for the exact word, “a tosser! A right tosser!” Hermione laughs, that was something Ron would say, “I have messed up terribly, Hermione, she’ll never speak to me again and I can’t blame her.”

Suddenly, Hermione’s brown eyes go wide as Fleur goes on, this time dropping back to her normal voice, speaking softly, “It’s so hard without her and I would give anything to make things right.” She finished.

The brunette's vision began to blur, “he really wrote that?” She asked hoarsely.

In turn the French woman nodded, “every word.”

A tear slipped down Hermione’s cheek at the knowledge. Knowing Ron missed her too made things even harder. She doesn’t think she has it in him to talk things out and go back to how things were. She’s too scared to be hurt again, she doesn’t know if she’ll survive.

“Look Hermione,” she sighs sadly, “I understand that things between you and Ron are complicated and that you are hurt. We all see that, he sees it more than anyone, and he’s been beating himself over it since.”

“Fleur, I,” she begins to protest.

“I am not saying you should forgive him just like that, what I’m telling you is that he knows he’s hurt you and it’s killing him. Just give him a chance mon chèrie.”

She contemplates this for a few moments. Her heart aches for Ron. It’s kind of backwards that she feels bad because he’s aching for how he hurt her, and she feels bad about it. It’s like she just can’t scrub him out of her life, no matter how much she thinks he wants her gone, she knows that’s not the case.

And Fleur’s right, she isn’t ready to forgive him, she probably won’t be ready to for a long time, but she is willing to take a step with him. To hear him out and just try and understand, but when the time is right.

“Okay.” She says simply, wiping at her eyes with her wrists.

The blonde plants a warm kiss on her bushy hair and moves to stand up.

“Stay warm.” She flashes her a small smile as she works her way back into the house.

“Fleur!” She calls before she can help herself.

The French woman turns eyes wide with curiosity.

“Not that I’m not grateful, but why did you tell me?” Hermione just needed to know.

Again a smile sat on her pretty face, “because us girls, we need to look out for each other, especially here,” she gestured to the Burrow where eight men were currently residing, “you and I especially.” Subtly hinting that the only two other women were Weasley’s themselves.

A small smile now stretched on Hermione’s lips, “thank you Fleur.”

And with a wink the blonde walked back into the house knowing if she and Ron got through this, one day Hermione would surely be her sister.

...

“Fleur’s been out there a long time, what do you reckon they’re talking about?” Ron asked, still looming by the window.

“I dunno, you.” Harry shrugged over his Quidditch magazine.

“Hardy har.” Ron shot back sarcastically.

“Have you figured out what you’re gonna do tomorrow, with your gift and all?” He asked casually.

“How’d you hear about that!” Ron bellowed embarrassed.

The chosen one dropped his magazine to his lap, eyeing his friend, “the whole house knows by now, except Hermione.” He shrugged.

“I’m gonna hex the bollocks off Bill.”

“Wasn’t Bill, it was Charlie.” The green eyed boy corrected.

Ron rolled his eyes, “even better.”

“Well,” Harry drawled, “Ginny told me Hermione’s trunk is overflowing with gifts.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

The ginger shook his head, “doubt she got me anything mate, not unless it’s puking pastilles, you know, without the purple end.”

“Oi, that’s my best mate you’re going on about, don’t you doubt for a second that she wouldn’t get you anything.” He said annoyed with Ron’s lack of faith.

Weasley said nothing and continued to poke his head out the window, quickly jumping away when Hermione’s brown eyes found his.

“You and Hermione may not be speaking but she does care. I reckon that’s the problem, that she cares too much.”

He drops his hand from where they’re clutching the tattered drapes, “I know that Harry.” Ron says defeatedly.

“You seem to be forgetting.” He sits up, “I know for a fact she’d die for you Ron, even now, even when you two aren’t speaking.” Harry states.

Ferociously, the red head shakes his head, “don’t say things like that. I don’t wanna think about that.” His response was reaching that of when Fred made his Death Eater joke yesterday.

Sensing his best friend's rising temper, he quickly averts the subject, “so when are you gonna give her it? The gift.”

Ron shrugs, his initial plan was to give it to her privately, explain everything behind it, but as Christmas closed in he grew more nervous. “Leave it under the tree?” His voice is high and squeaky.

“Ron,” the dark haired boy grumbled, “again my knowledge about girls is limited, especially when trying to think about Hermione like that.” He squirmed, “But I think if you put this much into the gift, you might as well explain why.”

“It’s not easy.” He admits quietly, plopping onto the couch, “it wasn’t easy telling you, or Ginny, or even breaking up with Lavender.”

Harry shakes his head, “I think that’s the whole point Ron, if things were easy then we wouldn’t know how much we wanted them.” He said quietly, silently reflecting on his own wishes.

“Harry Potter,” Ron said after a moment, “when did you get so poetic?” He teased.

In response the chosen one laughed and chucked his magazine at the gingers head.

“I reckon I’m rather tired of watching some tosser feel sorry about himself.”

“Who ever could you mean Potter?” He joked.

“Hmm, tall, red hair, blue eyes, I think he’s Gryffindor keeper. What’s his name? Roger? Rupert?” He suddenly sounds a lot like Slughorn.

“Shove it.” He chuckled, “I don’t even know what I’d say.” Ron commented.

Harry sat up and went to the edge of the couch cushion, scooting closer, “pretend I’m Hermione.”

His face scrunches, “what? No! That’s bloody weird.”

“Come on Ron! You need all the help you can get. I don’t think anyone can handle this from the two of you anymore.” The chosen one encourages.

From the rare good mood Harry seems to be in Ron complies.

“Hermione, would you please,” he notices Harry watching him, “can’t you like... look away?” His friend rolled his eyes and kept staring at Ron, “would you please come outside with me, I’d like to give you something.”

“No Ronald!” Harry shrieked in his best Hermione voice.

“Harry what the hell? You’re supposed to make this easy!” Ron countered.

“Well would she?” The dark haired boy asked.

“Good point,” the ginger agreed, clearing his throat, “anyway, it would really mean a lot to me and I’d like to talk to you.” He tried entering the act again.

“Oh so now you want to talk?” The Boy-Who-Lived asked, impersonating his best friend quite poorly.

“Harry.” He groans.

“Fine, fine.” He stops, “let’s talk.”

Averting his blue eyes from green ones, he envisions Hermione somewhere in the room, “I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for hurting you. I know that it won’t fix anything, but I’m through with Lavender, we should’ve never been together. Not when it was hurting you and you don’t have to tell me why, I knew it was, so I’m sorry. I really am, I just hope you can find it in yourself to consider forgiving me. I’ll be here, however long it takes.” He rambles out, momentarily forgetting Harry was even there.

“Is this when we snog?” The chosen one says, interrupting the daze.

“Oh shove off.” He grunted back annoyed.

“I thought you did good Ron, I’m sure you’ll have to account for at least two interruptions, but, I think it’s a start.” Harry’s voice is now serious.

“And that’s all I’m asking for, a start.” He clears up.

“Well as long as you buck up tomorrow, that’s what you’ll get.”

Before Ron can even answer, Harry’s green eyes find the window. Abruptly, Weasley turns and panics.

“Fleur’s coming back! Act casual.” He jumped to the couch and acted as if he were napping, leaving a laughing Potter.

The door soon opened as Fleur appeared, “Bonjour boys.”

“Oh hey there Fleur, didn’t even notice you came in.” The redhead states, causing Harry to chuckle even more.

The blonde rolled her eyes, knowing what he was doing, “you know Ronald,” she began, too casual for his liking, “I’ve been told by someone, that next time you’re to give them something you should do it yourself.” Obviously she was referring to the blanket, but Ron’s mind jumped to the gift in his room.

“I told him the same!” Harry called happily in agreement.

“Oui, smart boy.” She praised me.

“Alright, alright, I get it. I swear the next thing I need to give Hermione will come directly from my hands. No one else’s.” He promises.

Fleur stares at him for a moment before a grin stretches across her face, “good Ron, for a moment I was worried you were a, what was it? A right tosser.” She says before leaving the room.

For a moment he’s left shocked by her words, wondering why she’d say such a thing. Then suddenly, his mind flashed to how he closed every single letter to Bill: A right tosser, Ron.

“Oh Merlin,” he grumbled red as a tomato, “Bill!” He bellows as Fleur’s giggles float from the steps.

#ron x hermione #ron weasley #hermione granger #ron and hermione #rons-hermiones come find me #hp fanfic #hp #romione #romione fanfic #sixth year

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binniewon · 4 years

Text

Paring: BTS/Female!Reader

Summary: You had never let yourself fall into love because every time you did you got hurt but when seven boys come into you life and seem to ruin everything you might actually find a reason to fall.

Warning:Mild language, mention of panic attack, reader has a bad past, mention of alcohol abuse

Word Count: 8k

A/N: Hi loves so this is something that I have been wanting to do for a long time I hope that you enjoy it! Also I am sorry if there are any mistakes I edited as best as I could I have never written this much lol!

You could hear the light laughter of kids playing on the playground, the small talk that would be made between friends, sisters and brothers it was all so fresh in your mind even as you walked out of the orphanage doors and out into the cold dark world you looked back at the place that had so many bad memories but in them were also good ones strangely you would miss this place.

You walked the streets with a small trash bag of clothes and an envelope in your pocket with money the wind brushed coldly across your face as you sat on a bench the swish of the river in front of you was a sweet sound to your ears where would you go now all you had ever known was the orphanage but now you were eighteen and on your own the first thing on list was finding a place to sleep tonight.

The loud talking and laughing of people in the streets was a drastic difference from the quiet orphanage you knew, you knew that you would need to get that place out of your mind it was one chapter in your life and now it was time to start the next one.

“Um…ma’am where can I find a motel” you asked a random lady that walked past you she smiled sweetly at you and told you the directions to the nearest one which was only a few minutes away you thanked her and started walking you were tired but you could make it.

You unlocked the door to the cheap motel room and was immediately hit with the strong stench of alcohol and cigarettes you pushed it aside it was only a temporary living place until you could figure out what you were going to do.

That night was a bit rocky you had your normal nightmares that you have been having since you were young who would have ever thought that your own mind would trap you in a never ending saga of screams and cries for help, you don’t remember your childhood before the orphanage that much you were sure that it was your brains way of protecting you all you knew was that it was terrible if the fact that you spent most of your life in a rotting home with broken kids and an even broken system said anything.

You woke up to screams that you later realized was your own it took you a quick second to recognize where you were you wiped the sweat off of your face and stretched your limbs before you got out of bed and made your way to the bathroom you slowly stripped off your drenched clothing and stepped into the shower the sudden icy water hit your warm skin and you jumped back you thought that the water would eventually get warmer but you were wrong if anything it got colder that morning you showered with freezing water and the fresh image of your nightmare still hanging over your head.

After your shower you put on some clothes that were way too tight for you but it was the only thing that you had and you didn’t have enough money to buy new ones you figured that you would go to the library and try and apply for collage on their computer you knew that it wouldn’t be easy but all you could do was hope that you at least go into one even if it was a community college you figured that collage would be your next step in life your next step on a new journey.

The refreshing smell of books welcomed you with open arms as you stepped into the library the librarian gave a kind welcome and asked if you need anything “No thank you” you said as you started to walk to where the computers were you slowly let your fingers brush against the books on the shelves a library was always your safe place you came here when you were angry, sad or even happy. It was something about the atmosphere that made you feel safe like as long as you were here nobody could hurt you.

You slowly sat down on the chair and turned on the computer not knowing what you were looking for you typed in collages in my area and you were met with a long list of names you were sure you would be here for a while.

A small tap on your shoulder made you jump as you woke up out of your sleep “I’m sorry Miss I wasn’t trying to scare you but you had fallen asleep” the librarian from early said to you with a small smile on her face “oh thank you” you said as you sat up and stretched your arms before you went back to what you were doing.

You got out of your sit and started towards the door you had found a few collages that caught your eye but it was closing time, gradually you made your way down the street looking at all the different shops and people with gigantic smiles on their faces as they looked at their friends or loved ones you wished you had that but you had fallen so far away from socialization that the slight thought of talking to another human scared you why did you have to be like this maybe if your head wasn’t so messed up you could allow yourself to fall into the arms of love and life but that might never happen.

The loud growl of your stomach made you quickly look around for an affordable meal it wasn’t long before you found a gas station the light jingle of the bells on the door alerted the cashier that they had another customer they said a lazy welcome and continued looking down at their phone. You rolled your eyes and looked around for anything that could count as a meal as you walked back up to the front you realized that they had actually food you ordered two pork burritos the cashier bagged your things and told you to have a good night you smiled and walked back into the coldness of the night.

You unlocked the door to your room and made your way over to the bed after you had changed into your sleepwear you grabbed the bag with your food and began to eat it wasn’t the best thing that you had ever had but it would suffice.

The next morning you woke up to feeling like you were going to puke you quickly made your way to the toilet and threw up all of your dinner after you fleshed the toilet you sat there and looked back on your life how everything led you to this moment you had never been shown any attention it is probably the reason that you are so afraid of people now but you knew that everything that happened to you happened for a reason you just needed to figure it out.

For the next two years of your life you had made little progress the only thing that you could actually be happy about was the fact that you got a job it was nothing major you just worked at a book café it was really the only place that would hire you and the only place that you wanted to work at you liked the atmosphere it was calming.

You recently applied for a collage and was still waiting to hear from them until then you would continue your life as you had “Y/N” an excited name called out for you it didn’t take you long to realize that it was the voice of your boss and owner of the café Jade “It came in it freaking came in” you looked at her dumbfounded what was she talking about what came in “Jade what came in” she looked up from the mail in her hand and then at you “Are you flipping stupid or something the collage finally wrote you back you will found out if you got in or not” she said as she laced her fingers together and looked at you fondly “I will open up the shop and you can read this good luck” she said as she handed you the mail and patted your back.

30 minutes you sat there for 30 minutes before you actually opened the damn letter even then you couldn’t read it this was going to decide the next stage in you live your next chapter if you didn’t get in then you really didn’t know what you were going to do next. You let out the air from your lungs and quickly looked at the paper as soon as you did it was on the floor Jade walked in and saw your face and the paper on the floor and thought the worse “Oh I’m sorry sweetie you can try again or a different collage” she said as she came and hugged you “I got in” you said quietly still surprised “What did you say” she asked as she pulled away from the hug “I got in” you said again she looked at you with wide eyes “You got in oh my gosh my baby is going to collage” she said while she jumped up and down this is your next chapter and you were going to make the most of it.

You got your luggage out of the back of Jades car when she found out you didn’t have many clothes and you didn’t have a suitcase she took you on a shopping spree which you repeatedly declined but she still dragged you out of your foul smelling motel room and to the mall you can truly say that, that day was the best day of your life.

After you had gotten everything out of the car you turned to Jade as she stood there trying to hold back her tears never once in your life had you cried you figured there was no reason to, it only gave you a headache and it didn’t solve anything but when you looked at her the only person who had ever shown you love and compassion someone who had quickly became you mother and friend the tears came out on their own accord you didn’t even realize it until Jade ran up to you and put you into a bone crushing hug “I will miss you” you said sadly as you pulled away from the hug and looked into her eyes you had so much that you wanted to say to her but that was the only thing that would come out “I miss you too now go have fun but learn also call me when you have the chance” she said as she hugged you one more time you smiled at her and looked at the building it is time to start writing you next chapter.

The following months had gone smoothly you had surprisingly became friends with your roommate it turns out she was a foreigner exchange student from Korea her name was Eunji you both had a lot in common she was also an orphan and had gotten into a small collage in Korean she told you that as soon as she got the chance she left that she was tired of seeing the same thing over and over again and that she wanted something new.

As you both walked down the collage halls you saw that they had an exchange program and one of the place that you could go was Korea you really wanted to go but you didn’t want to go alone you figured that you would ask Jade since she was your only friend but you weren’t sure if she wanted to go back it didn’t really sound like she wanted to but maybe with you being with her it would be different.

“Eunji I have something to ask you” you said carefully as you ate a bit of you salad “Yes” she stopped what she was doing and looked at you giving you her full attention “I saw today that they have an exchange program and on there they had Korea and I was planning on going and I was wondering if you would like to go with me” you said as you looked at her you could tell that she was contemplating and you kind of hated yourself for asking her you knew that she went through so much while she was there why would she go back “Okay I’ll go” she said nonchalant you looked at her surprised “You will need a translator no” she said with a small smile on her face it was settled you were going to Korea you needed to tell Jade.

“Make sure to spray anyone with this if they even get close to you also be careful of what you eat your body might not be used to it and-” you chuckled “Jade I’m fine I have Eunji” you said as you looked at your new best friend with a smile “Okay but be careful please” she said as she hugged you one last time “I will”.

You and Eunji sat down in your sits and buckled up “Welcome Passengers” the flight attended started to tell us everything that we already knew so you slowly started to block her out and look out at the evening sky it was so beautiful the light calling of your name woke you out of your day dream “We should go to sleep we won’t be there anytime soon” Eunji said to you as she started to get comfortable in her sit you decided you would listen to her so you slowly got comfortable and started to fall into the arms of sleep.

You woke up and saw that the sun was starting to rise “Miss would you like something to eat” the flight attendant asked nicely you nodded your head and got something for you and Eunji you figured she would be hungry when she woke up you were right as soon as she opened her eyes you heard her stomach growl “Here I got you a sandwich” you said as you handed her the box of food she thanked you and sleepily started to eat her food you looked at her and thought you couldn’t have asked for a better best friend she was going back to her past to make your present better nobody had ever done that for you when she looked at you, you held out your pinky to her “Promise me that we will always be friends no matter what” she looked at you weirdly but still put her pink in yours “Promise”

You walked out of the airport and looked out at the many buildings this was defiantly going to be different “Let’s go get some food I’m starving” Eunji said as you both got into the car “Have you ever had Korean food” she asked you as she started up the car “No” she snickered “Well you’re eating it today” you both laughed at her sass filled statement “Okay I’m excited”.

The night life in Seoul was amazing it seemed like there was more people out during the night time than during the day but you actually liked it since you had become friends with Eunji you had gotten out of your shell more it was like she had a cure to everything that was wrong with you or you thought was wrong with you Eunji just said it was your personality but you disagreed with her, she was like this happy pill that would make you forget about your messed up past she helped you begin your new chapter you don’t know where you would be without her maybe still in your dorm room curled up in your blankets trying to get away from the thoughts in your mind Eunji was your savior.

“I love it already” you said as you and Eunji sat down and looked at the Han river the sound of the running river relaxed your body you could get used to this “I am glad that you like it I wasn’t able to ever enjoy the Han River this much but now that I have someone to enjoy it with I think that I might enjoy staying here with you” she said as she looked up at the sky and then at you with a smile “Best friends for life” you said as you held out your pinky “Best friends for life”

The irritating sound of your alarm woke you up annoyed you blindly searched for your phone not finding the object you peaked your head out of your warm covers and saw that it wasn’t on your nightstand where you left it last night “Good Morning Y/N get dressed we have class in an hour” you looked behind you and Eunji standing with your phone in her hand with a smile on her face you rolled your eyes annoyed yet you still got out of bed you guess she was excited.

You both walked up to the large stairs at the college entrance “Wait we do have all of our classes together right” she looked at you and laughed “Y/N you will need to learn Korean at some point, I won’t always be there to translate” you looked at her like she was stupid “I know that Eunji I have already started to learn on my own I was just asking a question” she looked at you flustered “Umm...sorry we have all but one class together” you nodded your head and started toward the school.

The school setting was completely different than Americas but you knew that you would adjust fast “Hi my name is Eunbin what is your” a guy said to you as you walked into your Anthropology class “Y/N” you said as nice as you could while walking to a sit at the back of the class “Nice to meet you Y/N would y-you like to me my friend” his heavy accent was kind of adorable you could tell he wasn’t good at English so the fact that he was trying to be friends with you even though there was a language barrier touched your heart “Sure” he cutely clapped his hands together and sat down next to you now you weren’t as scared to be in the only class that you didn’t have with Eunji.

You looked up from your lunch when you heard Eunji’s voice you were surprised to see that she was not alone but with seven other people “Y/N I met some new people from my class met Kim Namjoon he also speaks English, Kim Seokjin but you can just call him Jin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook” they all waved at you with sweet smiles on their faces “This is my friend Y/N” you bowed your head in respect “It was nice to meet you Y/N but Eunji we have to leave now we have another class in a few minutes” Eunji told them bye and excitedly sat down in front of you immediately you could tell something was different about her but you just brushed it off and went back to eating your food as you put your head down you saw something out of the corner of your eye Jimin and Taehyung were holding hands and not in a friendly way.

You looked at Eunji confused but she was in a daze “Eunji, Eunji EUNJI” she looked at you with a haze to her eyes “I think I might be in love” she said you nearly chocked on air even more confused as to who she was in love with because she had to know that there was something else going on with those seven boys “Who are you talking about” you asked her innocently “The boys they are so handsome and charming and smart and-“ you interrupted her “Totally in love with each other” she looked at you like you were crazy “No they aren’t they gave me their number even if they were I wouldn’t mind having all of them” she said with a smirk on her face “Okay” you said not wanting the conversation to go any further.

A few weeks later you were sitting in your dorm room working on your Korean when there was a sudden knock on the door you sleepily stood up and went to answer the door but before you could Eunji came out of the bathroom with a beautiful red dress on she did a quick look over in the mirror and went to open the door “Eunji baby you look-wow” you heard the voice of Jimin say it had only been a few weeks but you could tell that they had all gotten really close to Eunji in fact you had started to see Eunji less and less “Where are you going” you asked her as you went back to your spot before the sudden disruption “To the club I would have asked if you wanted to come but I know you don’t like big crowds I’m sorry we might be able to do something together soon but right now I have to go bye” was all she said before the loud bang of the door filled the silent dorm room you could tell that you were slowly starting to lose your best friend.

A few months pasted and Eunji was barely at the dorm room anymore a few weeks after that night she came clean about being in a relationship with the boys she told you that they had an open relationship but they were willing to only love each other and her nobody else. Because the boys lived off campus she had basically started to live with them you only saw her in your classes together or when she comes to get more clothes to be honest it hurt you to your core the second person that you allowed to see you the actually you and she treats you like you’re a random person in the collage.

You knew that she usually came to the dorm on Friday so you waited for her you were going to tell her that you were moving out of the dorm and off campus with Eunbin but you were in for a surprise when Hoseok Yoongi and Namjoon came instead of her “Oh hi Y/N how are you” you knew that it wasn’t their fault but you couldn’t help but feel like they took Eunji away from you “Where is Eunji” you replied coldly “She is at our dorm we came to get some of her clothes since we were already out” Namjoon replied with that disgustingly sweet voice of his “Wow look at you begin great boyfriends” you said sarcastically as you wrapped your arms around your body and looked away from them “There in the left closet” you said and got up to leave the room them being there was a little too much for you “I can’t help but fill like you don’t like us” Hoseok said in Korean you scuffed and turned to him “No I actually don’t” you said and walked out of the room slamming the door behind you.

It might have been the fact that you were Eunji’s “best friend” or it might be the fact that you seem to be the only person on the plant that hates them but after that day it seemed like they were always around you and most of the time it was without Eunji even though it wasn’t anything major you still noticed the difference and quite frankly you didn’t like it.

“Hi Y/N” Taehyung said as Him and Jimin walked up to you during lunch you did what you usually do and didn’t reply you just got up and went to leave “It is rude to not reply to someone who is talking to you” Jimin said sharply that statement made you upset “And it’s not polite to take someone’s best friend from them” you said and started to walk away but a grip on your wrist stopped you “We’re sorry okay we just want to be friends whatever we did to hurt you we’re sorry” you chuckled and folded your arms “I don’t fucking care about your sorry okay just get the hell out of my life you can have Eunji she doesn’t want me anymore” you turned around and saw Eunji standing there with her eyes wide “What makes you think I don’t want you in my life Y/N” you laughed “You got to be kidding me not only did you basically move out of the dorm you don’t talk to me unless it has something to do with the guys and when I ask if you want to hang out the answer is always the same “I can’t today I am hanging out with my boys” and honestly I’m fucking tired of it Eunji I came to Korea so that I could continue to write the new chapter in my life so that I could get away from the demons that haunt me every time I closed my eyes I came here with you but I think it would have been better if I came by myself I want you to know that I am leaving the dorm tonight and moving in with my real friend” you said as tears rolled down your cheek as you went to pass her she grabbed your arm “I thought we were Best Friends for life” you ripped your arm out of her grip “I thought we were too” .

You don’t know why but ever since you ended your friendship with Eunji the nightmares had gotten worse you had also developed a rather unhealthy liking to alcohol it seemed to numb the pain that you constantly felt in your heart also since that day you had become more reserved you barely spoke to Eunbin even though he tried to break through to you, you decided that you would never fall that deep into anything again whether it was love or friendship the only thing that had ever come with that was pain.

On a Saturday night you were out at a pub and for some reason it had been a particularly bad day it might have been that you only got one hour of sleep since the nightmares were so bad or it could have been that you were suffering from a massive hang over from Friday. It was well over Midnight when you decided to leave the pub and attempt to head back to your dorm while you were walking you accidently bumped into a group of guys you mumbled a sorry and kept on walking but the guys didn’t really take kindly to that “Watch were you’re going” one of them said you didn’t reply and you didn’t stop either one of the guys came over to you and turned you around “Y/N” confused as to who would know your name you looked up and saw Jungkook looking back at you with his doe eyes “Why are you out here so late” Jimin asked concerned as he walked towards you it didn’t take long for you to realize that Jimin Taehyung and Jungkook were the guys that you bumped into you quickly got out of Junkook’s grip and stepped away from them “Leave me alone” you said as you turned around and started to walk away from them.

You could hear them right behind you so you speed up into a jog you assumed that they weren’t going to leave you alone so you started to run and hope that you were faster than them but you were wrong they quickly caught up to you and grabbed you “Leave me alone I j-just want to be alone” you said as you hit the chest of whoever had taken hold of you. You felt their arms wrap around you and pull you into a hug “It’s okay Y/N it’s okay” you realized that they person that was holding you was Taehyung you didn’t want to admit it but it felt good being in his arms you actually started to melt into his touch but reality crashed down on you and you pulled away from him “Stay the hell away from me”.

They all looked at you confused at your sudden outburst “Y/N what is wrong with you” are they stupid or something this is all their fault why else would you be out here half drunk and an emotional train wreck “We aren’t going to hurt you Y/N” Jimin said as he carefully walked towards you “Why don’t you just let go hm” he said as he cautiously held your face in his hands “Let us make you feel better” was the last thing he said before he smashed his lips against you’re the warmth of his kiss heated your whole body you slowly started to let yourself fall deeper into his passionate kiss when you felt hands travel down your arms and light feathery kisses on your neck “Just like that baby” Taehyung’s deep voice whispered in your ear.

Never in your life had you felt this type of love before guys usually ran away from you but it wasn’t like you were so egar to talk to them either but you wanted this you wanted to feel loved and wanted like you were now, Jimin slowly pulled away from you and started to kiss the other side of your neck the light sting brought a slight moan out of your mouth Jimin walked behind you to allow Jungkook room “Babygirl you look so beautiful like this” Jungkook said sweetly before he slowly kissed you his kiss was drastically different than Jimin’s his was more slow and careful it was like he was killing you slowly.

The sudden realization that you were kissing your ex best friend’s boyfriends dawned on you and you pushed him away “I have t-to go” you said as you ran away you could hear them calling your name but you ignored them how could you do this?

That night you cried so hard that you almost threw up the only thought running through your head is you needed to get out of here there was nothing for you in Korea anymore you contacted your collage but they said you had to live there for a who year you had only been here for six months so you had a whole six months left before you could leave you would just count down the days until you could get out of this place.

A few days later a light knock on the dorm room door woke you out of your slumber Eunbin usually gets the door at this time of night and he also knew that you had been having a hard time so you just figured that he would get it. As you started to fall back asleep another knock sounded it was then that you remembered that Eunbin was not here but with his family on a trip, with a huff you got out of bed and went to the door.

“Can we please talk” it just so happened to be the three men that cheated on your best friend you snickered and went to close the door but Jimin put his foot and jam it before you could close it “We aren’t leaving until you talk to us” Jimin said you bit your tongue and turned your head annoyed “Fine we can talk through the door but you aren’t coming in here” you were holding your ground they weren’t getting through to you that easily you could hear one of them huff “W-we are sorry Y/N we don’t know what got into us that night but Eunji hasn’t really talked to us since you guys stopped being friends in fact she stays in her room most of the time the others have been trying to get through to her but she isn’t budging” you were actually worried about her it wasn’t like Eunji to not want to be surround by people she loved “I-is she okay” you asked concern dripping from your words “We don’t know” Taehyung said you could tell he was equally concerned you huffed and opened the door fully.

They looked terrible their hair was in disarray and they had large bags under their eyes it looked like they hadn’t slept in days “Come in” you said as you turned around and walked into your small but homey living room “You guys don’t look so well” you told them honestly Jimin sadly smiled but didn’t say anything “So why are you here again” they looked at each other and then back at you “We needed a place to stay being in the house with her is just so…-” Taehyung stopped but Jimin picked up where he left of “suffocating” he said as he looked down at Jungkook’s hand and slowly intertwined their fingers together “Is it okay if we stay here” Jungkook asked shyly you wanted to be cruel and tell them no but they looked like they were about to lose their mind you knew that feeling and you wouldn’t wish it upon anybody “Fine you can have my room I don’t think Eunbin would take too kindly to random people sleeping in his bed” you said as you got up “the bathroom is the first door on the right and my room is right after it Goodnight” you picked up the blanket that Eunbin always kept on the couch because he was always cold, the couch wasn’t the most comfortable place to sleep but you hoped that they would only be here for the night.

“Thank you” Jimin said as they walked towards your bedroom you didn’t say anything if they didn’t look like death warmed over then you would have told them to leave and never come back.

You woke up gasping for air another nightmare when would they stop you got up and walked to the bathroom as you stood in front of the mirror you rolled your strained neck and turned on the cold water you let it slowly run through your fingers it was a nice contrast from your burning skin you quickly washed the sweat from your face and walked out of the bathroom.

As you sat down on the couch you looked around for your phone and realized you hadn’t brought it with you when you got the door “crap” you said quietly hopefully the boys were asleep carefully you walked towards the door to your room and opened it as quiet as possible you knew you left it on your night stand but it was so dark that you couldn’t see anything you had to trust that you knew where you were walked, you jumped back after you knocked something off of your desk you stopped for a second and held your breathe when you were sure that you hadn’t woken them up you quickly tried to locate your phone “Who’s there” you heard a sleep filled voice say “It’s just me” after that the lamp on your night stand turned on you had woken up Jimin “I’m sorry I was looking for my phone” he looked down and handed it to you “Thanks” he smiled and rested his head on his hand while he looked at you it didn’t look like he had been to sleep at all yet he looked 10 times better than he did earlier you smiled at him and made your way out of the room his eyes followed your every move “Goodnight” you said as you went to close the door but he quickly got out of the bed “Wait” he whispered as he followed you out and shut the door behind him and lend against it “What’s wrong” you asked him as you leaned against the wall opposite of him “Nothing I’m just not tired anymore”

You guys stood there for a while and talked quietly to each other “Why don’t you have a boyfriend” he asked you suddenly but you just looked at him “or girlfriend?” you chuckled “I don’t believe in love” you said as you looked down “All my life up until about two years ago I had never known what loved felt like being an orphan isn’t something that guys or girls look for in a partner” you said as you raised your eyebrows “Why” you asked suspiciously “No reason” he said with a small smile for some reason his eyes drew you in it wasn’t like they were anything magnificent just your normal dark brown but they were so beautiful you sadly allowed yourself to get lost in them for the first time in forever you allowed yourself to fall and it was then that you felt the tears roll down your cheeks “We should go back to sleep” you said as you started to walk away but he grabbed your arm before you go get far enough away “Why do you do that” you looked at him confused “Do what” you asked him “You allow yourself to let go but then you put your walls up again” how did he know that you had only ever really talked to him twice and one of those times he kissed you “You’re not good at hiding your emotions” he said “Why don’t you allow people in” he gently let go of your arm “Because Jimin when I let people in I get hurt I always get hurt and it’s not fair what have I done for the world to treat me so cruelly I-I just want to feel love you know I want to allow myself to fall but every time I trust someone they do something that makes me feel worthless like I don’t deserve love and honestly Jimin I’m tired I am so tired” you said as you let your head fall on his chest “Why am I not allowed to feel loved” he slowly wrapped his arms around you “You are Y/N…you are” was all he said as he slowly rocked you both back and forth.

You didn’t hear the door open but you felt arms wrap around you from behind “What’s wrong baby” the voice belonged to Taehyung “N-nothing” you said but he just chuckled “I know that’s not true Y/N but you don’t have to tell me I will wait on you” for the first time in a long time you allowed yourself to truly fall and this time someone caught you.

The boys left the next morning and promised to text you every day and surprisingly they did you guys slowly started to become friends. It was a few weeks after that day and you were sitting and watching YouTube on your computer when loud banging on your door got your attention you quickly got up and went to answer the door it was Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook but this time they were with the other boys and you didn’t see Eunji but you did realize that Taehyung was holding a sobbing Jimin and Jungkook had tears streaming down his face as well “Can we please come in” Namjoon asked sweetly but you could see behind his façade “Of course” they all slowly shuffled in you closed the door and turned toward them “I-I we don’t know how to tell you this” you looked at them with curiosity in your eyes “Just tell me” Namjoon looked at Yoongi “We can’t find Eunji”

You were furious how they hell do they not know where Eunji is and why are they coming to you and not the police “Y/N can you please stop pacing” Taehyung asked you nicely you stopped and looked at them ready to yell at them again when your phone rung you answered it without looking at the caller id “Hey Y/N how have you been” it was Eunji you knew her voice it was the same voice that would talk you out of your panic attacks after your nightmares the same voice that promised that you would be best friends forever “Eunji where the hell are you” the boys all perked up at her name but didn’t say anything “I want you promise me something Y/N” she said with a shaky voice “Eunji just please tell me where you are I’m worried” you could hear her take a deep breathe “Y/N just promise me something can you do that for me please” you wanted to say no and yell at her for scaring you but you didn’t “Yes I can” you heard her snuffle “Promise me that you will find love” you huffed angrily “Why would you want me to promise you that right now, where are you” she just chuckled “Y/N we bonded over our past because it was so similar we were each others rock I found love but I slowly fell out of love but I can tell you that it helped me and that is why I am on a plane and why I am leaving Korea” you almost dropped your phone “Eunji why” your voice cracked “Korea isn’t for me Y/N it is only filled with ghost of my past it is not the place for me but it is for you I could tell when you stepped off the plane so please just promise me that you will fall in love I want to know that you have a shoulder to cry on and someone to annoyingly wake you up in the morning” you took a deep breath and wiped the tears from your eyes “I-I promise” the tears where falling fast but you didn’t let Eunji know you could tell she was already crying “Best friends forever” she said sadness laced in her words “Best friends forever” “Bye Y/N” you heard the line go dead and it was then that you fell to the floor sobbing it hurt so much because you could tell that, that was her last goodbye to you.

It had been two months and you only ever left your dorm to go to classes and you only left your room to eat or use the bathroom that day you cried yourself to sleep and when you woke up you cried some more Jimin wasn’t really helping he did admit that he never loved her but she had become a really good friend to him the other guys tried to be there for you but every time you looked at them you saw Eunji.

“Y/N” Eunbin called out for you with a soft knock on your door you let out a soft yes “There are people here to see you” you grabbed a blanket and made your way to the door when you opened it Eunbin came into your sight sympathy written all over his face you gave him a forced smile and made your way down the hall, when you stepped into the living room you saw the boys all standing there “Hi Y/N” Jin said you were surprised that they had recovered so fast but you had this feeling that they were all just like Jimin and had only looked at Eunji as a close friend “Hi guys” you said as you sat on the couch “How are you doing sweetie” Hoseok asked as he sat next to you and put an arm around your shoulder and pulled you into a side hug “I’ve been better” you said honestly they all hummed in agreement “Would you like to go out to eat with us” Jungkook asked with a smile on his face you didn’t have anything better to do “Sure”

After you guys had eaten you all walked around Seoul it reminded you of your first night in Korea you were so amazed at the night life and all of the people and somehow it still amazed you, your favorite part about Seoul is the Han River you come here because it helps clear you mind so as you stood and looked out at the river you allowed all the thoughts in your mind to disappear you looked to your side and it looked like the boys were doing the same thing a smile managed to make itself to yourself and in that moment you thought that you had never seen anybody more beautiful than them.

After that you guys spent almost every day together and if you were being honest with yourself you were starting to fall for them but you couldn’t tell them that it would make things different between you all you didn’t want to ruin a great friendship because they made you feel safe also since you had become friends your nightmares had stopped it might be because one of them is holding you every night.

They had convinced you to move in with them after Eunbin had to move back to his home town after his mom got sick but you weren’t complaining you loved the warm feeling that they gave you every time they complemented you or pulled you closer.

“Hey Y/N are you free tonight” Namjoon came in your room with Jin behind him “Umm… I think so yeah” they smiled “Great we are having dinner tonight we have something to tell you” you slowly started to panic but smiled anyway and told them okay you prayed that it wasn’t anything bad you had finally started to feel safe, wanted, and maybe even loved.

You walked out of your room and saw them all sitting on the couch when they looked at you their jaw dropped you didn’t know why it wasn’t like you were in a dress but they all quickly recovered and acted like nothing happened “Are you ready” Hoseok asked and you laughed a bit “Yes I am”.

When you got to the restaurant the waiter took you all to the reserved table and you noticed that there were nine seats instead of eight but you just brushed it off as a mistake. You were proven wrong when Namjoon got up and said that there was going to be someone else joining, you were confused they usually tell you this kind of thing but you guessed it was a surprise and oh were you surprised when a girl was on Namjoon’s arm when he came back she sat in front of you and introduced herself “Hi I’m Cho-hee nice to meet you” you introduced yourself and bowed in respect.

The rest of the night went normal they weren’t paying as much attention to you but you didn’t mind “Do you want dessert” the waitress asked when she came back to your table Yoongi looked at you all since he was paying “Sure” Cho-hee said they all said they wanted dessert except you “Y/N are you sure” Taehyung asked and you just nodded your head.

“We have something that we need to tell you Y/N we figured you should know since you are our friend” Jin said, that hurt, Taehyung quickly responded “Best friend” and that hurt worse “Ok” you said as you looked at Jin but Jungkook spoke instead “Cho-hee is our girlfriend” and that killed you, you looked down trying to register their words they had a girlfriend and they are just now telling you and in front of her you couldn’t even get words to come out so you got up and ran out of the restaurant.

The cold air on your wet face felt soothing as you sat down on the bench that you and Eunji sat the first day in Seoul you don’t know why it hurt so much because you knew that they didn’t feel the same way they couldn’t they always introduced you as their “friend” or “best friend” and if they did something that to some would seem intimate they would make it known that they only saw you as a friend.

After sitting there for a while you got up and decided to walk around you didn’t know where you were going you just knew that you couldn’t sit and listen to the thoughts in your mind anymore. When you stopped you realized that you were in the same place that you shared the kiss with Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook the place where you believe your feelings for them were born.

“Y/N” you heard you name being called and looked up you saw two people running towards you they were too far so you couldn’t tell who it was until they got a little closer and you realized it was Yoongi and Hoseok you heard what sounded like Yoongi tell Hoseok to tell the other that they found you “Why did you run out like that” Yoongi asked as he walked closer to you “I-I don’t know” you lied of course you knew it was because you loved them you finally admit to yourself that you love them but it was too late now they already have someone else “You see Y/N I think you do know and you just aren’t telling me or us” Yoongi said as he crossed his arms you saw out of the corner of you eye that there was more people running towards you and you knew that it was the other guys “Are you okay” Taehyung said when he reached you he tried to grab you but you stepped back he furrowed his eyebrows confused “What’s wrong” he asked concerned “I don’t know” you said quietly as you looked at your shoes suddenly finding them interesting “Can you please stop with the lies Y/N just spit it out” Yoongi raised his voice you could tell he was upset “I-I” he huffed “Spit it out” you looked at them “I love you there I said it are you happy now” you asked angrily nobody said anything they just looked at you with wide eyes.

“I wasn’t going to say anything because I knew something like this would happen I don’t even know why I love you or when it started but I can say I hate myself for it I knew that this would happen it always does so just tell me to get my things and move out and you don’t want to ever see me again” nobody said anything for a while “But we can’t do that” Jungkook said as he walked closer to you “Why is that” you asked confused

“Because we love you too”

You sat up quickly out of the bed and ran to the bathroom you hated throwing up it was the worst, you felt a hand rub your back “Are you okay baby” Namjoon asked sleepily you must have woken him you and if you woke him up then you woke up the others “Y/N are you okay” Jin asked as he came running into the bathroom Yoongi and Hobi right behind him “I’m-” you didn’t finish that sentence before you lend over the toilet again “You don’t think” Hobi asked as he looked at Yoongi and then Jin “I’m not pregnant Hobi” he looked at you sheepishly but still replied with a you don’t know that “You do realize that for a whole year I lived off of gas station food right I am sure it is just food poisoning I will be fine” They all just smiled at you and helped you get off the bathroom floor.

As you laid back down and looked at them you thought about how lucky you were all your life you had been looking for a reason to let yourself go free and a reason to truly let someone love you and you love them you didn’t know but they were in front of you the whole time they were everything that you could have asked for they allowed you to fall and they caught you they always caught you.

“What” Jin asked you sweetly you smiled…

“I love you”

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