#i don't get validation in my daily life from my family

[zzzzzestforlife]

practical daily habits and affirmations for high-energy productivity 💫

tips from a busy part-time psychology student / full-time software engineer🏃‍♀️

i was inspired by HBR's "energy crisis" checklist but i wanted something more positive and affirming 🥰 so i ripped the thing apart and put it back together with (self) love 💕

bonus tip: don't try to incorporate too many new habits at once! start with just one or two and once you find yourself doing those easily, you can add more!

Show Your Body Some Love 🤗

🛌 I regularly get at least seven to eight hours of sleep, and I often wake up feeling well rested.

I have a strict bedtime, even on the weekends, and start my night routine at least thirty minutes to an hour before.

I follow Best Zesty's night routine. 😉

🍴 I eat a healthy breakfast.

I wake up thirty minutes to an hour before my day actually needs to start so that I have time to prepare food and eat at the table/bar.

I eat fruits/veggies, carbs, protein, and take my supplements.

🏋️‍♀️ I work out enough (at least four sessions a week that are a mix of strength and cardio training).

I follow workout routines that are safe and body-positive.

I consult with a doctor or trainer if necessary.

😌 I take regular breaks during the day to truly renew and recharge, including a relaxing lunch.

I listen to my favorite music.

I go for walks in nature.

Show Your Emotions They're Valid

🧘‍♀️ I am able to let go of feeling irritable, impatient, or anxious at work, especially when work is demanding.

I take time to meditate, practice mindfulness, and/or breathwork.

I recognize that I have a distinct identity that is independent of what I create/produce.

💕 I am fully present with my family and loved ones.

I enjoy deep and frivolous conversations with my people.

I put away my devices when sharing physical space with others.

🥰 I have enough time for the activities that I most deeply enjoy.

I schedule and protect my focus time for both my work and my hobbies.

I run my life like a well-organized engineering sprint. 😉

🙏 I stop frequently enough to express my appreciation to others or to savor my accomplishments and blessings.

I write thank you notes (or text messages) for the people in my life.

I keep a gratitude journal.

Show Your Mind It Is Powerful

🌲 I am able to focus on one thing at a time, and I am not easily distracted during the day.

I use technology to my advantage with apps that help me focus.

I start every day with a to-do list I made the night or week before so that my transition between tasks (a.k.a. the black hole 🕳️) is seamless and distraction-free.

👀 I spend much of my day focusing on activities with longer-term value and high leverage, rather than reacting to immediate crises and demands.

I regularly say "no" to optional activities/tasks that I know do not serve my long-term goals.

I plan for the future to prevent crises from arising in the first place.

🤔 I take enough time for reflection, strategizing, and creative thinking.

I keep a morning pages journal.

I regularly engage in a creative hobby/collect inspiration.

🚪 I don't work overtime, even if it's just answering/reading messages.

I have a strict clock-out time and snooze my notifications on a schedule.

I schedule activities after work that help me unwind and/or think about something else.

Show Your Spirit What It's Capable Of

✨ I spend enough time at work doing what I do best and enjoy most.

I am honest with my manager/mentor about my career goals so that they can help me align my daily tasks with them.

I keep a daily log of my activities at work so that I am aware of how I'm spending my time.

💖 There are no gaps between what I say is most important to me in my life and how I actually allocate my time and energy.

I have a vision board to remind myself of what is most important.

I keep a mood tracker so I can find patterns in what makes me happy and what doesn't.

😤 My decisions are influenced by a strong, clear sense of my own purpose rather than external demands.

When making a decision, I take time to articulate my own opinion to myself before soliciting the opinions of others, which I then consider from multiple angles.

I know that we don't just "find" our purpose in life, we create it by the little things we do every day.

💝 I invest enough time and energy in making a positive difference to others.

I regularly volunteer to help others and/or set aside time to help others when they ask.

I share quality time, physical affection, helpful information, etc. with others.

feel free to add your own suggestions/thoughts in the reblogs/comments~ you got this! 💪

[bambisnc]

the leaving someone at the airport trope is so so crazy to me because what do you mean we know we love each other so, so dearly that it actually feels like how a thread would when it's stretched too far apart. what do you mean we have to say goodbye because we both know it's better for you to leave. we know you'll get better opportunities there, we know your reason to leave is totally valid and this is not a fucking movie with the trope that “oh love <3 love is all i need i'll leave everything to be with you <3” and even if that is, in fact, what they feel they should do you won't let them because you want what's best for them, even if it completely destroys you - one painfully beautiful memory at a time.

and oh my god the actual moment when they have to leave. you're there at the airport, they say goodbye to all their friends, family, whoever there is with them but you just can't bring yourself to say it. obviously it goes unspoken that you both want the other to wait for you but how could either of you say that? how could either of you ask the one you love to suffer, to be in pain, to be without that one constant in their life and not seek other companionship? so in the end you just end up not saying anything. there's too many people, there's not enough words, you can't express all the feelings you have unless they physically become one with your skin and even then you doubt it'll be enough, how could it ever be enough? but of course you can't let this show for fear that the other who seems to be oh so calm and cool about this would start to question their decision. 

the worst feeling though, is when the doubts start to creep in. what if.. the reason they seem so unaffected is because you simply just don't mean that much to them? you know it's logical to leave, hell you more or less forced them to make that decision but it stings so, so much to think that they may have, subconsciously or not wanted to get.. away from you?

but hey what can you even do now the plane's already left; they're gone. maybe forever. they’ll never be yours again but what if they weren’t ever yours to begin with? maybe they'll move on, maybe you'll move on, maybe you'll both be reduced to nothing but a nostalgic memory, to old playlists, to borrowed clothes, to photos in that special folder named after the other; none of which you can bear to part with. the dazed, out of sorts state you're thrust into exists like an omnipresent cloud but you can't, no you must not let it affect your daily life.

so you go about everything just as usual even if for no other reason than to satisfy that little spirit of spite and yeah you hear about them every now and then; it's not like everyone around you has a lingering grudge (or a crush? to be fair, in a way they are both rather fitting, aren't they?) against them, you can't help but wonder if they hear about you, think about you as well? if they feel all the feelings that torment you every second of every day till you're not even sure what exactly it is that you're feeling anymore and if all of what you're feeling is still for them or is it somehow, for some reason targeted towards yourself? for falling for them in the first place

wc : 614 dang 2 away from 616 /pensive notes : man. last ep of friends s1 really got me in my feels huh. anyw trying out a new font?? (made some more edits bc the font was not working out + grammar rarely ever grammars like how it's supposed to grammar) (edit #69420 WHY DOES THE FONT KEEP UN-SMOLIFYING??) also -> rb's + feedback appreciated!! ^_^

[check out my masterlist for more <3]

[pixelnrd]

hello! ive binged your blog this past week and have been so invested and impressed with how professionally everything has been done. I particularly liked the snippets of your 'process' you've hinted at in other asks. I havent been around since the beginning so i wanted to ask what inspired you to undertake such a large project! or, rather, did you expect it to be as big as it became? each generation has 70+ daily posts, their portrait headshots, family portraits... i love it! were you trying to build an audience when you started out? was it a covid project that you had time to build a huge queue for? i think ill be starting my own narrative simblr here soon and i'd love to hear your thoughts or advice about your journey with it, if any.

Hello and thank you for such a lovely message, it's so nice to receive feedback on the quality of my Decades Challenge because I do put so much effort in behind the scenes thanks to my agonising perfectionism!

As a project it has grown beyond what I thought it would be, to a point that I had to reign it back in in early-2022 because I couldn't keep up. I'll put more detail under the cut ✨

The Langstons started as a covid project in 2020. I was an unemployed student with a lot of time on my hands. I'd done legacies before and was pretty good at getting close to the end so that was the 'project', to do the Decades Challenge. And while looking for inspiration like cc and builds etc I found simblr and discovered people were posting their Decades Challenges here with narrative attached. By this stage I'd already played a fair bit into my Langston family (they had 4 kids by that point) so I decided to start posting my sims as well, which pushed me to put a bit more effort in with shots, story, editing etc because I had imposter syndrome. I didn't intend for there to be much narrative or story, and I think that's pretty obvious when reviewing the 1890s Langstons, but it started to grow as I was posting because I wanted to give my sim characters justifications for their life paths I was sending them on... and it all kind of took off from there, as a Decades Challenge story.

Covid over 2020 and 2021 in my country forced us into hard lockdowns, and over those 2 years I had heaps of spare time for home-based hobbies - so I just kept pushing myself to keep going with my Decades Challenge for something to do. I got really into creating storylines and costuming and wanting to do the project 'justice' because of how much effort was going in and how many generations I needed to cover to finish it. Then I stared doing lookbooks, creating portraits and character pages, and then making cc (which was a fun side project).

I wanted to build an audience at the start because I wanted to gauge whether anyone was as interested in my sims as I was in others', and when I stared getting feedback and responses to my posts it was very validating and flattering, so that spurred me to keep up. I never dreamed it would get the audience it has now! It's nice being told that something you are making is good. IRL at the time, I was pretty miserable - I graduated my Masters without a job, I was trying to conceive and failing, I was lonely due to covid and lost some of the best years of my 20s - but simblr made me happy and was a distraction from those hard things and so I really poured effort into the thing that brought me happiness.

2022 and 2023 forced me to pull back from my Decades Challenge project due to pregnancy and becomming a parent. It felt very natural to drop it at the time, but since finding my groove with parenting and my new life I still want to finish this project because it's been nearly 4(!) years of effort and I'd hate to leave it so close to the end. So that's why I'm still here - in a reduced capacity to what I was in 2020 and 2021 at my peak - trying to get it done. I don't post lookbooks or do cc anymore, because I just don't have the time anymore. But everyone is so encouraging, I have made some nice friends here and I'm constantly in awe of and inspired by the sims, content and stories others are creating. There is so much more potential for historical gameplay in the years since I started my Decades Challenge - farming! horses! infants! - and I hope that my project has inspired others to have a go! That's the best legacy I could hope to leave...

[incomingalbatross]

Things about Gus:

He has ALWAYS lived a compartmentalized life. His parents didn't approve of Shawn, so his friendship with Shawn meant half-living over at the Spencers' as a kid, and putting "friend" and "home" in separate boxes.

This seems to continue into adulthood; Gus loves his parents and family, and maintains good relationships with them, but he also doesn't seem to share a lot of his outside interests or priorities with them. (Though I'm on S2 of this rewatch so I may not have all my data.)

He also compartmentalizes, as many people do, while at work. He's good at his career, knows the ins and outs of his workplace and coworkers, and puts in the work to stay in good standing there...but at the same time his work friends have NO presence in his life outside of work, and his job has very little overlap with the rest of his daily concerns. He knows which coworker hand-makes her own pasta and which routes have just opened up, but he also checks off his duties as quickly as possible and spends the rest of his work hours quietly coasting.

Psych, of course, is his hobby/side job/true calling, depending who you ask and when, and very much bound up in his friendship with Shawn. Gus clearly loves and is invested in it and equally clearly does NOT want it, or Shawn, leaking into the other areas of his life.

FURTHERMORE, however, Gus has even more interests and hobbies that are sectioned off even from Shawn's attention—mainly because Shawn thinks they're nerdy and absurd. He's a nerd! He got all excited about the Santa Barbara con. He knew several cosplayers there by name. He is WAY into Harry Potter. He collects coins and plays online poker and frankly gets up to all kinds of stuff that he doesn't talk about at work or with his parents or with Shawn. I know in my heart that he has a Livejournal.

Oh, and let's not forget he got married in college and never even mentioned it to Shawn until it came up.

Anyway! My point is, Gus is used to compartmentalizing his life, and when considering whether or not he thinks of himself as "normal," I think it's important to note he probably has a very relativistic understanding of "normal" as a concept. His double-act is considered weird and immature by most people, yes. But most of his hobbies would ALSO be considered weird and nerdy by most people, INCLUDING Shawn. And on the flip side, he probably knows that most of his coworkers have "weird" hobbies or interests of their own that just don't come up, and he definitely knows most of his weird fandom friends are leading "normal" lives irl.

So I think his response to the question would be...is he normal? Well, normal in what context? He can fit in well with a variety of people, and that's as much as anybody can truthfully claim, isn't it? What's normal for his parents isn't normal for work, which isn't what's normal around his nerd friends, which isn't what's normal around Shawn.

And like. There are some valid points there. It just completely misses the fact that he and Shawn together are an unhinged pair of 12-year-olds in adult bodies and no one else is reaching their native levels of Nonsense, ever.

[tuulikki]

I have a problem with that list of things that make a person 'culturally christian' as the post couples it with the implication that one can cease being culturally christian while still doing some of the things on that list.

I'm probably misunderstanding shit but it bugs me. Several things on that list are unavoidable in daily life, and thus my Jewish friend (and the Jewish poster who made the list) fall into the culturally christian category because they use a christian calendar and buy chocolates on valentine's day. And yet the poster says 'those of us who are not culturally christian' which contradicts their own argument? No? I'm an atheist and I'm absolutely aware of other religions, but the world around me doesn't care, I have to say it's 2022. And it doesn't bother me, tbh. I don't say AD anymore, that's on purpose. But that post...I don't get why it assumed the OP didn't understand that these things come from christianity. The assumption that all victims of religious abuse are living in culturally christian environments, or that they don't know other religions are different from christianity...i really don't like that attitude. It sounds like implying that they haven't found the better religions yet and that's why they're atheist, but not even fully so because their culture remains influenced by christianity. It's condescending. (be gentle, i'm not looking for a fight, and it's ok to not respond if what I'm saying pisses you off because it misses the point.)

Hey, thanks for the ask! I hope I can explain things, and if there’s anything you find frustrating at the end of it, please send another ask and I’ll try to do better—it’ll likely be due to my not being coherent 🥲

The key misunderstanding here is how massive “culture” is.

Using a Christian dating system or observing aspects of Christian holidays doesn’t inherently make any person culturally Christian. Those are byproducts of dominant Christian religion in a culture. But the person who has never felt their own culture subordinated and othered by that culturally Christian default is the cultural Christian. Many culturally Christian people may be deeply alienated or flat-out hate religious Christianity, but the culture we inhabit is culturally Christian and it is our culture. It can be hard to spot how much you’re a product of your culture, but the fact of it remains.

It’s like being raised by a family: it defines what you think “family tradition” means but will also affect little things like what food you want to eat when you’re sick. It’s not that who you are is determined by your family. But you are shaped by the experience of being raised in that family. You can’t erase that history: what you choose to reject or continue from your family legacy is a conscious choice informed by what you’ve experienced. And you can’t assume that the way your family works has any universal applicability, or that that cutting your family out of your life makes you a blank slate, or that your way of rejecting your birth family is universal.

If you are from a culture that is historically Christian, you exist as a part of that culture. People who aren’t culturally Christian can of course be members of a culturally Christian society because participation (and belonging!) in the society is not defined by adherence to the religion. The culture is, however, shaped by centuries of that religion. And people who aren’t culturally Christian are forced to accommodate the majority culture in ways which people who are culturally Christian will not. (The classic example of cultural Christianity is the culturally Christian neopagans/witches who try to argue that the winter solstice is “inclusive” because it’s not Christian. As if “Christian” or “not Christian” are the only ways you could measure exclusivity and inclusivity!)

The OP of that post wrote the phrase “being an atheist is a valid belief system.” That’s some raw cultural Christianity. It presupposes the following:

religion must have a deity (how else atheist?)

atheism is primarily defined as an absence of belief in a deity (rather than omitting a particular act or social practice)

atheism and religion are both defined as being determined by personal belief. The belief in question is in a system of some kind.

adherence to a system of belief determines a specific identity label, which an individual will apply to themselves. This label marks them as a member of an identity group whose members are defined by such individual declarations of belief.

belief systems can be valid or invalid (and it’s worth arguing about)

None of these things are universally believed by all cultures. But a culturally Christian society absolutely assumes those things to be true.

So my point is that atheism in culturally Christian societies is overwhelmingly defined in dialogue with and in reaction to the core tenets of the various Christianities that have dominated those societies. That’s what we’re trying to say when try to tell culturally Christian atheists that they are culturally Christian. I don’t want to be condescending, but the fact that some culturally Christian atheists don’t seem to be aware that they are products of their culture and that they enjoy a baseline level of membership privilege in that culture is… very challenging to me? We’re not accusing them of being crypto-Christians, but since their definition of “religion” is still so Christian, that’s what they hear. They use a narrow, culturally-bound definition of religion when they say “l’m not religious”—and they assume their definition isn’t derived from that culturally Christian experience.

You can’t surgically separate the history of dominant religious traditions from the cultures that practice/d those religions: the culture shapes the religion, the religion shapes the culture. A culturally Christian atheist from England is a different kind of atheist than a culturally Buddhist atheist from Mongolia. You can’t exist in a vacuum.

Deprogramming yourself in this context means acknowledging the fact that you have privilege. This privilege is something you get by default whether you want it or not. It’s not merely knowing that other systems of belief exist or writing “C.E.” at the end of the year. It’s accepting that you are the product of a certain culture that is not universal, even though its dominance can make us feel like it’s a natural default.

Culturally Christian privilege doesn’t invalidate any person’s religious Christian trauma because culturally privileged people can be abused within the social structures they benefit from at the same time. There isn’t a moral binary here. No one is assigned a static moral category. Someone telling you you’re benefiting from cultural Christianity is not them saying “gotcha, you’re irredeemably problematic! #cancelled!!” It’s an invitation to ask yourself if you’re being held back by what you’re trying to reject. To put it in terms we all understand too well: “cultural Christianity” isn’t a sin, there is no shame attached to it, and there is no pressure to be pure and cleansed of it because that would be impossible as that’s not how people and cultures work. And the fact that some of the worst of it still lives in our heads does not mean that we are bad, because there’s no one judging our thoughts, only our actions. The fact that we have a term to describe what lives our heads—which allows us to be aware of it—is a gift, not an accusation.

[bucky-barmes]

♥︎ Destined (To Fail?) ♥︎

[ gif from @topgundaily ]

bradley 'rooster' bradshaw x f!mitchell!reader

in which you get called back to top gun to teach the next detachment. sounds like a dream gig until your two most hated men are there also

chapter one: here we go again

a/n: this is going to be relatively canon to the new film, just with lil tweaks here and there to make it flow smoothly. readers callsign is highness, thought it was pretty clever of me seeing as she's mav's daughter (also it just sounds badass af), reader also has a name as i felt it's just what felt right and flowed well with the story (and totally not just now realising that the first and last name start with the same letter like bradley so let's just pretend i did that on purpose) also i am but a humble australian writing about the us navy so if i got anything incorrect pls either let me know nicely or just deal with it bc i don't even know anything about my own navy let alone another country's

word count: ~3.5k words

contains: this story is gonna be angsty so hold on to your butts, already angsty af from the get go, swearing (are we surprised?), rocky relationship with father(figure), hangman being a flirtatious lil shit, reader being a badass, i think that's about it but pls lmk if i missed anything!!

as always, reblogs/comments/feedback/etc are always always always appreciated and wanted ♥︎ pls i crave external validation

my blog is 18+ only, minors dni

[ all my work is my own and not to be reposted or translated anywhere else ]

You and Bradley Bradshaw were destined for each other. Growing up together, you were inseparable, seeing each other daily. Spending just about every second of the day in each others company.

After everything that happened with Goose, Maverick swore to never leave the family’s side. Even when his own relationship was falling apart. Nothing could come between Mav and protecting that family.

So, ever since Bradley was born, exactly 1 year and 2 months after you, you had been practically joined at the hip, impossible to separate.

It was no surprise to anyone when you announced that you were officially dating in your teenage years. Although your father would say that he was less than impressed with you dating any boy, even Bradley himself. But he had accepted it, only after a thorough talking to from Carole Bradshaw.

There was only one thing that could come between you and your destiny. Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell. And boy did he really get in the way. Really took everything you held dear to yourself and threw it in the dirt, stomping all over it.

~~

“I’m gonna kill him, I swear I’ll fuckin’ kill him!” Bradley stormed through the door, red with rage.

“Brad, what happened?” You were quick to jump up to his side, concern evident in your voice. The paper you eagerly held on to before now an after thought.

“Maverick! He fuckin’ pulled my papers.” There was venom dripping from every word Bradley spoke, anger coursing through his veins. “All of that work, down the drain, everything I’ve done is all for nothing.” He was pacing and throwing his arms in the air, unable to contain the pure rage running through him.

“I’m sure there’s been some sort of misunderstanding, dad would never-”

“No, Mia! You don’t get it, he’s ruined everything, everything I’ve ever worked for!” He was facing you now, yelling, basically spitting his words at you. “You’re his daughter, you’ll never understand, never have to understand. You’re gonna get everything in your life handed to you no questions asked!”

You couldn’t believe his words. Didn’t want to believe his words. They cut deeper than anything anyone had ever said to you.

“You think I have it easy because he’s my father?” You spat back, just as venomous. “I have to work twice as hard as anyone else just to prove that I’m not some nepotism baby. No one’s ever going to appreciate me for my own ability, I’ll only ever be the great Maverick’s daughter!” You threw your hands up in disbelief. Disbelief that he would even think that. Disbelief that you were standing in your kitchen screaming at each other.

“Well I guess we’ll never know.” Bradley chuckled cynically. “If he pulled my papers, there’s no way in hell he’d let you get accepted.” You clenched the paper in your hand harder instinctively, shoving it into his chest.

“That’s why I never told him, I’m not that stupid.” Your eyes narrowed at Bradley as his widened, smoothing out the paper to read.

‘We are pleased to inform you of your acceptance into the Naval Academy in the field of Aviation Welfare’.

Bradley could only stare at you, slack jawed, eyes darting between you and the letter.

“I can’t believe this shit.” He shook his head in disbelief. “This is so fucking bullshit!”

“What the fuck, Bradshaw? I thought we were in this together?”

“Yeah, we were, until your dad pulled my fucking papers.”

“That has nothing to do with me. I didn’t exactly ask for him to be my father. Hell, I would’ve specifically asked not to have him if I could, but I fucking can’t, okay. Are you really going to let this, him, ruin everything?”

“He already has, when he pulled those papers.” You stilled, all emotion draining from you at his words, going numb.

“So this is it? Everything’s over?”

“My life may as well be, thanks to him.”

“Get out of my house.” You had to force yourself not to scream at him, knowing that it wouldn’t help the situation. Bradley said nothing as he stormed out of you kitchen, letting the door slam on his way out.

~~

That was the last time you saw Bradley Bradshaw, your boyfriend, before you left for training.

That was also the last time you referred to Pete Mitchell as your dad. You disowned him as your father and vowed never to forgive him for what he did to Bradley, and subsequently, you. From then on, he was only ever Captain Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell to you.

~

It had been years since you had spoken to either of the two men. Pete had tried to insert himself back into your life, showing up at ceremonies and important events in your life, but you always kept it strictly professional, refusing to acknowledge him as your father.

Bradley, on the other hand, you hadn’t spoken to since the incident back in the kitchen of your family home. You’d never admit it, but you never truly got over him, and you made yourself a promise to never let anyone get close like that again. The two men you should have been able to trust the most destroyed you in a single day. You would never let that happen again.

That’s why you were surprised to receive a call from Admiral Beau ‘Cyclone’ Simpson. You had crossed paths when you attended Top Gun, (like father like daughter right?), but you didn’t think you had made much of an impression on him. You may have kept to yourself, but you also always made your opinion known, even if it was an unpopular one, and definitely put people in their place if they were out of line. But if anyone dared liken you to Maverick you’d have their head for it, as a couple of the men from your Top Gun squadron found out the hard way.

Clearly Cyclone appreciated your skill as well as your personality, because his call was to invite you back to Top Gun to teach the next intake. Something about a mission that was too classified to discuss over the phone.

~

Making your way back to Fightertown had you reminiscing on the ride. You had chosen your trusty Triumph Thruxton to fully enjoy the long journey, packing only your essentials in a large duffel bag secured across your back.

You and Bradley had grown up here. Just about every turn held a memory of the times you spent together.

You didn’t have long to reminisce however, as you were soon pulling into the Top Gun base, back at your old stomping ground. Now, memories came flooding back of your days flying there, coming out top of your squadron. That was potentially the best day of your life, knowing you finally beat Maverick, finally were better than him. That didn’t happen to be the first time you had proved yourself better than him, either.

The briefing for the cause of your return was long and tedious. There was an underground uranium plantation breaking NATO laws that needed to be taken out. You were assigned with teaching the best of Top Gun how to succeed in this, and most importantly, to teach them how to all make it back home. Your main task was to ensure the team became just that, a team. Easier said than done when most of the pilots that graduated top of the class had an ego to match. But you were always up for a challenge.

Seeing as you were now back in your old stomping ground, you thought it was only fitting to visit Penny at the Hard Deck after the briefing, you definitely needed a drink after the news. Maybe you could even scope out some of the class while you were there.

As you stepped through the door of the bar, you were greeted with the familiar buzz of chatter and music from the juke box. It was only mid afternoon, but the place was already lively.

You made a beeline for the bar, dodging already tipsy bodies moving around the room chaotically and thumped your hand on the bar twice to get Penny’s. You couldn’t help the grin that spread across your lips as she angrily turned to see who had the audacity to get her attention like that. But her death glare soon slipped to a shocked grin when she spotted you, dropping her cloth to give you a hug over the bar that was so tight you thought she might crack a rib.

“Mia! What the hell are you doing back around here?” Penny poured you a beer as she gave you a questioning side glance.

“Apparently they need some new life ‘round here to teach the new- well old new meat.” You flashed her a smirk over the rim of your glass she had handed you before taking a sip.

“Well, god help the poor souls that cross your path in that classroom.” She returned your smirk easily.

“Penny, my dear,” a tanned, blond-haired man approached the bar opposite you, a smirk on his lips that you just knew was there 98% of the time. “I’ll have another round on my tab, please.” He threw in a wink for good measure. Then, his eyes were on you, widening slightly at the sight of you as he chewed on the toothpick between his teeth.

“Well, well, well,” the blond made his way around the bar to stand next to you. He leaned an elbow on the bar and rested his palm on his defined chin. “And who do we have here?” There’s a glint of something, lust, surely not, in his eyes as they roam over your features.

“Who wants to know?” Eyeing him up and down right back as you took another long sip of your beer, only your look was one more of annoyance than lewd interest.

“She’s a woman of mystery, Hangman,” Penny placed his 3 beers on the bar for him. “Good luck.” Winking at you before she returned back to the other customers waiting.

“So, Hangman? You like word puzzles or something?”

Hangman couldn’t help the slight snort of laughter that escaped him. “Gotta admit, haven’t heard that one before.” He nodded to his friends as they came over to grab their beers, realising that they’d probably never make it to the pool table they were gathered around. “But,” he glanced back to you. “I guess you’ll just have to find out how I got the name.”

If you were being honest, you zoned out about the time his posse came to rescue their drinks. Your heart had sunk the second you saw his famous Hawaiian shirt walk through the front door, fear only solidified as you heard a voice call out “Rooster, that you?”. You gulped down the remainder of your beer and slapped down a $50 note to cover your drinks, plus some. Your eyes caught Penny’s and you gave her a silent plea of ‘I was never here’, she replied with a knowing nod.

Hangman just stared at you, confusion spread across his handsome features.

“Thanks for the chat, Hangman, but it’s time for me to go.” You spoke as you hastily got out of your seat, eyes flashing to where Bradley was now standing with his friends, his back to you.

“Hey, can I at least get your—” You were up and making your way out the door before Hangman could even finish. “Name.”

“Like I said, Hangman, woman of mystery.”

~

Training began the next day, with only 3 weeks until the uranium plant was operational, you had to get a move on if any of this was going to work.

You were stood at the back of the room, having entered after the candidates were seated, waiting for Admiral Bates to introduce you.

“And she’s one of the greatest pilots I’ve seen come through this program. I give you Rear Admiral Mia Mitchell, call sign Highness.”

Your heavy boots thundered on the concrete floor as you walked up the aisle between the tables to the front. You could feel every single person’s eyes on you, and if you had’ve looked, you would have seen a few staring a little more intensely than others.

You turned on your heel at the front to face the group, flashing Bates a smile before nodding to the team. Eyeing them over your Ray-Bans, you noticed Bradley clench his jaw, avoiding eye contact. Jake Seresin, on the other hand, was clearly trying to hold back his shocked expression and act cool. But you could see him chewing on his gum a little harder.

It was your turn, however, to try and mask your shock as Admiral Bates introduced the second teacher. He and Simpson had warned you that there would be a second person, but gave nothing away on who it might be. Now you knew why.

“His exploits are legendary, and he’s considered to be one of the finest pilots this program has ever produced. I give you Captain Pete Mitchell, call sign Maverick.”

Your whole body stiffened, subtle smirk your lips just held falling slack jawed. The echo of his boots walking up the aisle reverberated in your ears.

He nodded at Bates and then you as he moved to stand beside you. Not him. Anyone but him.

You silently thanked yourself for keeping your Ray-Bans on, otherwise the whole room would have seen the sheer terror in your eyes at what was happening around you, and you couldn’t let the candidates see any weakness.

“I’ll let you two take the floor.” Admiral Bates stepped to the side, allowing you both the freedom to speak.

Pete held up the instruction manual for the F-18 aircraft. “I’m sure you all recognise this, and know it better than the back of your own hands.”

“Hell yeah.” “You’re damn right.” You were able to pick out the voices of Hangman and Coyote as you stared at Pete, wondering where the hell he was going with this. Obviously the team knew the manual, it’s your bible in Top Gun.

Pete dropped the brick of a book into the trash can beside him, and everyone gasped. “Well, so does the enemy. What they don’t know is you, the person in the box. Over the next 3 weeks we’re going to learn every single detail about you, anything we can use to our advantage to win this fight.” You’re sure he felt you stiffen beside him, you could feel his eyes on you from your peripheral.

Pete continued to explain the mission, a uranium plantation going against NATO laws that needed to be destroyed. All happening in 3 weeks. Everyone’s faces mimicked each other, pure shock and concern at how the hell they were going to manage this.

“Anything to add, Rear Admiral Mitchell?” Pete’s voice snapped you back from your mind wandering, you cleared your throat.

“Say again?” You turned to face him, the sound of the candidates in front of you chuckling filling your ears. You forced the red tinge away that was trying to make its way up your neck.

“Do you have anything you’d like to discuss?” Pete gave you a questioning look as he rephrased his question to you.

“Ah, right,” you cleared your throat again, turning to face back to the team in front of you.

“As I’m sure you’ve realised, Captain Mitchell here is in charge of prepping you for the flight and potential fight, the nitty gritty stuff. Well, I’m here to take this roomful of egos and turn it into a team.” You pushed your sunglasses onto your head, allowing your eyes to roam over the group in front of you, lingering on Hangman as you mentioned egos. “My job is to get you working and communicating effectively as a team, so if you have any plans on hanging your teammates out to dry, I’d suggest changing them. If you leave your teammate in a dogfight, 200 pushups; if you sacrifice them to make yourself look better, 200 pushups; if you do anything to put your team at risk, 200 pushups.” The room was silent, your authority bleeding through your words.

“I’m expertly trained in reading people, I can see straight through you if you lie to me, so just make it easier on the both of us and don’t try. I’m here to learn anything and everything about you, to build this team and make sure you all get everyone home safe to their families. Any questions?” The room remained silent, everyone staring at you with wide eyes, even Pete. “Excellent. Training starts at 0600 hours tomorrow, sharp. Dismissed.” The class stood, collecting the notes they had taken and filed out of the room, leaving you and Captain Mitchell alone.

“So are you going to tell me what the hell that was, Mia?” Pete was staring at you square on now, brows knitted together in a mix of concern, confusion and frustration.

“It’s Rear Admiral Mitchell, let’s keep things professional, Captain Mitchell. And to answer your question, that was what I wanted to discuss with the class.” You chose to ignore the way Pete’s body language deflated at your cold manner towards him.

“That was a bit much, don’t you think?”

“We have three weeks to make a team out of the best of the best, we don’t have time to fuck around here, Mitchell. Do you want these guys coming back or not?” Were you a little more blunt than you intended? Maybe, but you really didn’t care.

Pete just shook his head and sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I suppose you’re right. You always did know how to win friends and influence people.” He chuckled to himself as he walked out of the room, shaking his head slightly.

~

The last night of freedom before shit got real. The Hard Deck was packed as usual, the whole team for the uranium plantation mission was there, all taking the time to get to know one another better. A fact you wished you’d have been warned about before you stepped foot through the door.

“Highness! Come have a drink with us!” Natasha Trace, aka Phoenix, was already pulling you in the direction of the of the pool table the team was gathered around before you had a chance to protest. Fraternising with the team, your students, wasn’t exactly what you had in mind for your last night off in who knows how long.

“Well, I’m glad to see everyone is getting to know each other better, especially outside of training.” You gave them all a tight-lipped smile, hovering at Bradley for just a touch longer than the others. He just stared at you blankly. Clearly he still wasn’t over everything that happened, you thought to yourself.

“Fancy a round with us, Highness?” Something about the way Jake Seresin spoke your callsign made you uneasy. Not in the sick to your stomach kind of way, just in the way that made you think there was something more beyond what he was saying.

“That depends, you talking pool or beer?” You could feel yourself easing up around them all quicker than you realised, even flashing Seresin a cocky smirk as you answered him.

“I’m sure we could work something out that involves both.” Seresin winked and the rest of the team could only stare in quiet shock at the not-so-subtle flirting going on between the two of you. It made Bradley’s blood boil.

Natasha could see the effect the interaction had on Bradley from a mile away and she nudged his shoulder with her own.

“You good?”

“I’m great.” He replied through gritted teeth, obviously the complete opposite of fine. He could only glare as you accepted the beer Seresin had just bought for you, noticing the trace of a genuine smile behind your usually professional smile. It made him sick. Out of all people, it had to be Seresin?

“And that’s a fuckin’ lie.” Natasha was facing Bradley straight on now, hands on her hips in a way similar to that of a mother concerned for her child.

“Quit it, Trace!” Something about the way Bradley bit at her name made Natasha wince, if he continued on like this, there was no way in hell he was making the cut and they’d be stuck with Hangman as lead. Over her dead body.

Bradley could already sense she was about to press further and cut it off at the source.

“Just fucking leave it, Natasha.” He turned on his heel and stormed off towards the exit before she could protest further, leaving her staring at his retreating figure.

Something about the way he snapped almost made you feel bad for him. Almost. But you weren’t about to let Bradley fucking Bradshaw ruin your night, or your career. He would have to either get over whatever his problem was with you, or pack his bag and walk off the mission. There was no way in hell you were going anywhere, even if you had to work alongside Mav. This was potentially a career-making mission, and nothing was going to stop you from what may be on the other side of it.

perm taglist: @katieshook02

some moots i think might like it: @traitorjoelite @coyotesamachado @callsignvalley @ohtobeleah (pls let me know if you would like to not be tagged in future ♥︎)

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hi, I heard that people who come from abusive households have issues getting used to the peace, once they leave. Adjusting to not having to "fight for your life" anymore. But it caught me harder than I could've ever expected. There's still this stress and panic inside of me but, when I lived with my parents, I knew what I can do to make the possibility of an abusive "outbreak" less likely. And doing so made me calmer. Things like loading the dishwasher. I did it like an addiction, when I lived with my parents. Because I knew, the dishes are one of the things they loved to get angry about. My partner called me obsessed about it and in hindsight she was right. But now there is nothing, I have to do, in order to avoid abuse. And by that, nothing to make me calm and calm down my inner stress. I feel like running all the time but with no direction and no goal and actually no idea why, but I can't stop. Like, I can't even load a dishwasher because I don't yet own one. This is so messed up and I feel like a freak more than ever again, but that's the reality right now. And I feel so guilty, because my life was supposed to start after I moved out and I was supposed to be my happiest. But now I am feeling worse than before and I don't get anything done. What can I do?

Hi Anon, I am so sorry for the experiences you’ve had, the trauma you’ve had to survive, and how it continues (very understandably and validly) to impact you.  I empathize with the hard feelings around unmet expectations that you had hoped for once you were in a safe space - and now trying to process why things feel worse. Before going into potential tips, I’d like to validate that this is (unfortunately) not an uncommon experience for survivors - link, link, link - are all articles that discuss the impact on our brains when we are raised, and live, in abusive households (whether familial, childhood, intimate partner violence, etc).  The impact on our brains cannot be diminished.  It sadly has taken the entirety of your life to leave its impact and it is physically impossible for your brain to untangle, and rewire, and heal within a short time frame after everything that happened.  Which isn’t to say don’t bother!  But just in the sense that as hard as I know it can be, please be patient with yourself as you weave through the second phase of your healing journey.

You are safe, that was paramount in order to begin that journey, but now comes the second part of transitioning into relearning who you are when you are not in survival mode.  Some articles on where and how to even begin can be found here, here, and here - but I hope that if there is anything heard from this reply it may be this: I’m sorry for the things that were done to you, it is not your shame to carry but theirs, and you are worthy of healing.  I wish you well. And please don't hesitate to send in another ask if you were looking more for general how to do daily tasks tips - I read the above as seeking validation and potential understanding as to why, and steps towards healing, but can certainly provide daily task resources as well. - Mod Kat

[lcftyambiticns]

Alright, forgive me if this is stated somewhere on your blog already but I am curious: why do you think he has such a big inferiority complex? (If you also think he has one, I think I did see it in your hc somewhere) And if you don't think that's the reason, what do you think caused him to be looking for outside admiration so much?

꧁ ℋEADCANON.

No worries and thank you sm for this ask!! <3

He has a superiority complex. But to be fair, the difference lies mainly in the symptoms and behavior, from what I understand. However, I don't want to delve too deeply into the psychology of it all.

In a nutshell, yes, the way I see it, Lorroakan harbors feelings of inferiority, which he doesn't acknowledge and copes with by overcompensating in the other direction: putting others down to elevate himself, having an exaggerated sense of self-importance, entitlement, and superiority over others.

While he claims not to care about the opinion of others, that's not entirely true. He craves admiration and worship, especially from people he deems his peers, such as city patriarchs/matriarchs, fellow wizards, etc.

Impressions matter greatly to Lorroakan, as they serve to validate his inflated ego and reinforce his (deluded) belief in his own greatness. Also... connections, you know? It's a means to elevate his social status, get support for his endeavors, influence, and so on.

It's one of the reasons Ramazith's Tower is so important to him (wealth and power aside). Lorroakan relishes in his newfound prestige within the arcane community as his (wizard) peers now flock to him, seeking access to the knowledge and artifacts that are now his. The canonical fact that he won't share any of this knowledge is very telling imo.

As for what caused this (and this is entirely my HC, though it kinda makes sense for him, doesn't it?); growing up in the Slums of Athkatla in a household with a drunk father and being the middle child of six siblings wasn't exactly a great start.

Imagine growing up dirt poor in one of the most wealthy cities in Faerûn, while you have nothing and feel like a second-class citizen. You catch glimpses of that wealth almost daily, yet it remains just out of reach. This sucks. But I also think this really stoked his ambition. I want to live like this one day.

Aside from that, his family life wasn't great. His father was a mean drunk who mocked Lorroakan's ambitions to become a wizard and make something of his life, because a) It's forbidden and you're going to get us in trouble and b) Just accept the harsh truth that you're a poor wretch like the rest of us, and you'll never amount to anything.

His father was miserable and seemed intent on spreading that misery to everyone around him. It's easier to wallow in self-pity than to actually try and fight for something, which is precisely why Lorroakan has zero tolerance for it. Except when it comes to his own, naturally. He is allowed to whine as much as he wants, HOWEVER he is a fighter, a hustler, amibtious af and when he's done whining, he'll adjust his crown and get off his ass. Anyway.

Then there was his older sister, a sorceress, the only one in their family. She wasn't allowed to practice magic either, of course, but Lorroakan's family respected her a lot more simply because she was "gifted". She could easily do what Lorroakan had to study hard for, and she belittled him for it. A lot. She also got a lot of attention. Lorroakan didn't get much attention at all unless he was being told off for getting in trouble.

Phew. That's a long read :,)))

[femmefatalevibe]

So I have a question and I'd like to ask for advice. I am 23 and I absolutely hate my mother. She basically knew that my dad was deadbeat and she was telling me about it the other day yet she still managed to be with him. On my way to finishing my bachlors degree and I actually think of entirely dropping her out of my life. It's a tough decision but she has abused me a lot. Mostly mentally and there's no respect between us, only mild tolerance. I know my decision is radical, but any advice on how I can move on and not think about her once I'm out of this house? I'm fully aware its a tough decision, but I can't do it anymore.

Good for you! Personally, I believe it's more radical to perpetually keep someone toxic in your life purely because they made a decision to bring you into this world. It was her job to create a stable, loving, and healthy relationship with you from birth until now – not the other way around. Please read Adult Child of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson if you haven't already. This book is incredibly validating <3

Honestly, you're going to think about her a lot in the beginning. The grieving process of mourning a living parent who just couldn't be there for you is real. However, the best advice I can give when dealing with this type of situation is:

Validate and allow yourself to feel your feelings. Understand that all the harm and emotional abuse done to you is real

Lean on your support system (trusted friends, loved ones, a therapist)

Acknowledge the potential relationship missed out on in life because of the abuse. While it is ultimately your mother's fault, you have the right to acknowledge a relationship that was unfairly stolen from you from the get-go

Geninuely consider what makes you happy and what you can pursue in life to make you happy without any fear of judgment from your family (or anyone else, really). Create a vision board and then a game plan. Take a small step. Repeat every day to help you step into this new chapter of your life

Find ways to nourish your inner child daily/weekly. Be the mother to yourself you never had. Make yourself a nice cup of tea every evening, draw a relaxing bath, brush your hair slowly, and/or cook a nice dinner most nights of the week. You deserve to feel taken care of – even if it's only you present

Once you pull away/cut or limit contact, don't fall into the trap when she starts to play nice and tries to make amends. She's still the same person she's been for 23 years, so, as difficult as it is to internalize, understand that she won't change no matter what you say or how you behave. If she hasn't taken accountability for over two decades, this pattern won't be broken and reconfigured due to your deciding to take a step back. The moment you let your guard down and allow her to re-enter your life, the cycle will repeat. Don't get sucked in

Best of luck! Hope this helps xx

[tricornonthecob]

Will someone please get this boy a Xanax

Felicity Steals An Entire Fucking Horse: The Movie (2005)

pt1 pt2 pt3 pt4 pt5 pt6 pt7 pt8 pt9

"Jesus Christ why do I keep doing this fuck fuck fuck fuck"

Mom-Friend Ben is having his daily aneurysm a little early today

Yes its supposed to make him look slovenly and he's a dickhead but if his shirt were clean, this is just the Slutty Historical Novel look.

you know maybe if your first interaction of the day wasn't immediate and unprovoked violence, the horse might be more inclined to working with you and then you wouldn't have such awful buyer's remorse.

Finally, a task that Ferrari was actually bred for!

You ought to be more mindful of the chaotic good and lawful neutrals hanging out in your weed gardens before you go yelling things like that, Nye.

"No, Felicity, I was trying to not die."

The Ben/Felicity ship dynamic is The Anxious One That Survives To At Least Act 3 Of A Horror Movie and Absolutely Zero Self-Preservation Instincts. Also girl what the fuck is going on with your bangs.

"Girl what the fuck are you talking about that's a domestic animal that wasn't even feral"

Yes, that's a valid point and an important Life Lesson, but I feel like there's a better and more immediate way of introducing to her the concept of Consequences In Horse Theft. Such as "Hey did you know this is the 18th century and what you're doing looks exactly like Horse Theftin' and the punishment for Horse Theftin' is probably death by hanging hahahahahahaha I knew."

Also like, can you image. "I disguised myself in your clothes so I could trespass and steal a horse, then brought you to the scene of my doings instead of just telling you outright, potentially implicating you in crimes punishable by death."

...Felicity did you not just see the horse run away. Did you hear the part about "Give the horse to anyone who can ride her" and stop listening to all the parts about him saying "never come back," she's probably safe from that rn.

"Neither are all the people your family enslave, but that's another story."

That is the look of "...I really. REALLY. Don't have the stomach to be the punishable-by-death crime secret keeper."

And that is the look of "Oh, Goddammit, I'm about to be the punishable-by-death crime secret keeper, aren't I."

"Go down to the creek and buy it off the Dutch pirates!"

what the fuck is she huffing.

wow way to interrupt an outrageously shippable moment. Christ this really is the superior ship.

Annabelle you do realize adding "Forbidden Romance" elements to the ship only makes it stronger.

Felicity I love you but your ADHD-ass is so dense sometimes.

"We are going to die on this hill with all the social awareness of a bitchy potato."

She's a loyalist to you.

When the fourth graders debate politics on the playground and it gets dramatic.

she's either highly amused, screaming internally, or a little day drunk. Maybe all three!

awwww the loyalty themes!

"Bitsy!"

"Oi, fuck off, yeah?"

[csmeanerr]

For the love of god don’t post if anon fails but with regards to the creative red stuff I see where they’re coming from with pronouns. As a trans person myself I get verbal abuse daily from my immediate family who use it/its pronouns to degrade me because they think being transgender is “bullshit made up by people online” and just a phase I’m going through. I’ve had psychiatric appointments, medical counseling and therapy, and even had a psychiatric report diagnosing me with gender dysphoria among other mental illnesses to prove this is actually affecting my daily life.

When my psychiatrist talked to my parents about family counseling to help them understand my trans identity, my parents took me away from the psychiatrist for “enabling my delusions”. They throw out my opposite gendered clothing, they constantly raid my room looking for anything I’m hiding, and they make it a point to antagonize me by using the wrong pronouns because “if you’re not going to accept you’re born a girl and are a girl then you don’t deserve to be called anything.” Being referred to as it/its is incredibly dehumanizing and degrading and I don’t care if someone wants to be referred to that way, I don’t have it in me to strip a person of their status as a living being and demean them by addressing them like an inanimate object. It’s so uncomfortable and stressful and it feels awful.

I struggle heavily with nounself/emoji/neopronouns too because of my mental illnesses and learning disabilities since they break sentence structure and don’t flow properly or they have varying pronunciations/uses and it’s difficult to remember how things work. I wouldn’t interact with people either if I can’t address them in a way I can understand because if I mess up it’s going to be the end of my social life since me messing up is going to get me labeled as a bigot or a LGBTphobic jerk when I’m not. There is truth to them being rehashed “attack helicopter” memes too which ARE harmful to the trans community.

You might think your pronouns are easy to understand and not hurting anyone but that’s not true. They are. They’re not guaranteed to be easily understandable to every other person. You’re actually just complicating things more and giving other neurodivergent people an even harder time than they might already be having, which makes the situation and stress worse.

I’m sorry to add to this topic mod but this is a matter that personally affects me every day and it hurts a lot. I have a mental wellness clinic appointment in the new year to find a therapist and my family has already said they’ll call the cops and report my car as stolen if they believe I’m going to the appointment to discuss my trans identity issues or seeking aid with transitioning. The reason they think it’s all fake bullshit is because people claim being trans is a choice and they’ve seen the emoji/nounself/neopronouns and they don’t believe in it. My psychiatric report that I brought home was even shredded and thrown out because it used my preferred name and pronouns and thus was “filled with bullshit”. I know that I’m not the only one negatively affected by these things either.

post related

nope fuck off your issues does not allow you to invalidate other people and misgender them in turn. it/it may be dehumanizing to you but to someone else might be exactly what they want to be called, same as you want your own pronouns acknowledged.

the fact you go on an entire spiel of how much your family thinks you're full of bullshit and then turn around and say other's pronouns are "attack helicopter" memes is a bigoted take. in short it basically reads: my gender identity is valid but yours aren't

and you sure did type out that the only reason you hide these insanely awful takes is solely to keep your social standing and not that you actually give a fuck about changing your perspective because clearly you don't think other neurodivergents might experience themselves differently or deserve to be respected for those choices

every reason you brought up has been an issue for YOU that YOU are then making OTHERS put above their own validation for YOURSELF.

just fuck off. use people's fucking pronouns it's not that fucking hard to not be a complete shithead. the LGTBQA+ umbrella is larger than you think and you don't get to draw a line of what is or isn't under that umbrella. it's for all of us. stop being selfish.

[compassionatereminders]

Hey, Kat! Sorry for the essay. I'm feeling very dumb and disillusioned after a friendship went poorly. We started chatting on here and talked frequently (like a lot a lot, way more than I usually can keep up correspondence with people), so we bonded super quickly. like, daily chats for a couple of months, unheard of for me outside of my best friend for 15+ years in the early years of our friendship. But I got overwhelmed with offline stuff for a couple of weeks and got flaky and ghosty with talking. They were hurt so they blocked me and I clearly owed them an apology, so I made it. We went back and forth a little and I explained (not for the first time) that I'm bad at responding and also explained that I need time to write serious messages because I am precise about word choice and need to sort my feelings out properly beforehand. I wanted to do better for them but I was honest about the fact that timely replies are something I've struggled to do with everyone in my life for most of my life, so it wasn't going to get better in a week or just a month. But I told them they aren't obligated to stay in a friendship like that and just wait for it to get better; I wanted to respect their social needs and I acknowledge that expecting timely communication is extremely valid and normal. I wasn't in the right! The stuff they were sending me was just... a lot to parse through, both emotionally and verbally, especially because there's so much offline shit happening for me right now and they brought up feelings I had no idea they had for me. But when I took longer than a day to respond, they told me I disgusted them and then ranted about all the horrible things they hope happen in my life from here on out. Basically tried to turn the most personal, hopeful things I'd expressed to them into, idk, barbs that I guess they thought would hurt me and make me feel like a monster of a person or hopeless. Luckily that type of shit just doesn't make me feel that way and the fact that they thought it would makes it clear to me that this person thought they knew me way better than they actually did. Now I worry that I'm too open to others. Vulnerability has been a saving grace for me psychologically and I am just... so, so open to talk about damn near anything. Not as an active practice, I just am! I think sometimes people misinterpret this as a deeper connection with me than it is, though. When people open up back on stuff that I'm already very comfortable being vulnerable about, it's possible it means more to them? But like, what does that mean? Do I share less of myself? I don't want to! Being open about life and hardship has directly improved my happiness!

I'm just lost. I feel very dumb because I almost met this person offline before this happened and now I'm wondering how safe they even would be to know in that capacity. I'm at a point in my life where I'm prioritizing finding and building a found family, something I'm fucking good at, but now I'm worried that like... I can't navigate the current social landscape? Like, I'm not equipped to? I just don't get what I could have done differently in introducing myself or expressing myself so they didn't end up with impossible expectations from me. I don't blame myself (AT ALL) for being lashed out against and the two of us already talked it out (I am no longer their friend), but this isn't the first time I've opened up with someone just for them to get weird and aggro like this over something disproportionate. We talked personal lives and beliefs and aspirations, yes, but I didn't tell this person anything I wouldn't also feel comfortable saying on a live or to a new friend--which is what they were. I feel misunderstood in a way that actually bothers me for the first time in so long and kinda feel like giving up.... but the extrovert in me is dying for a wide social group.

Your "friend" sounds really mean, manipulative and emotionally immature and I'm sorry you had to deal with that kind of behavior. But the solution isn't to stop being vulnerable. Maybe you gotta test people a little by disagreeing with them on something minor or establishing a boundary to test that they're decent beyond the initial charm before you open up completely, but keep trying to connect. There are still plenty of good people in this world!

[easy-revenge]

hey!! idk if tumblr ate my ask, the himeno brainrot has faded or if you just didn’t feel like it (which is so valid lmao no worries) but i would love to hear your headcanons for her!! xx

hiii so sorry !! i actually started answering ur ask when i was on vacation a couple weeks back and then i didnt have enough ideas and put it in my drafts....and to no one's surprise i forgot about it lmao so thank u for reminding me !!

also i can't NOT have himeno brainrot atp don't worry heheh

however im afraid I won't deliver too much on this bc instead of like individual headcanons ive mostly just filled in the blanks that canon left with my own things (often self-indulgent) and made up a life for himeno which i now basically treat as canon lmao (yes this is delusion central)

i will attempt this though but fair warning that a lot of the behaviors and things i associate with her aren't very wholesome or a jolly good time (i suffer daily with this brain)

(cw for mentions of addiction and a lil bit of drugs, i promise it gets more lighthearted after the first few ones lmao)

so, starting off strong, I don't think himeno spends a lot of her time sober. namely, i headcanon her almost always running on some kind of buzz. i think it's established that she handles her liquor well so i dont think it would be noticeable at work, but considering she trained under kishibe for a long time, i can see her having a flask of her own and sipping at it throughout the day.

in the same spirit, i think she would also take any opportunity to properly get wasted. friday nights with aki at her apartment, outings with the people from work etc, especially if she doesn't have work in the morning. i think maybe she believes she's more fun to be around when drunk.

i don't think these behaviors are about entertainment, but rather a way she's found to be more "functional" and able to keep doing what she does and uphold the carefree persona she's established, hence incorporating them into her life to the point of very rarely being stone cold sober.

i think she also doesn't like the idea of her family knowing about how she copes. maybe she doesn't answer her father's phonecalls sometimes, scared of sounding too noticeably drunk at noon on a tuesday. or she's often stressed about her sister's occasional surprise visits in case she comes over and finds himeno's place in disarray and her in a similar state.

apart from alcohol, which is basically canon, i once had a thought about himeno occasionally abusing pills. pain meds prescribed for recovering from a work injury hitting just right paired with some beer on the side one evening and boom yk. i bet it wouldn't be too hard for her, considering her line of work, to get her hands on opioids regularly enough, especially since the story is set in the 90s and doctors used to prescribe them left and right before the amount of patients getting dependent skyrocketed.

to complete the holy trinity of vices, again based on things mentioned in canon, i think himeno is also the type of person to sleep around a lot with distraction being the objective. she has a reputation for getting flirty and handsy with ppl from public safety when drunk and i think that speaks for itself. this is not inherently a vice ofc, but in her case I don't think she engages in this behavior being sound of mind. it almost never happens when she's sober and i headcanon her often regretting it at least briefly the next day.

oof that was a lot lmao. um chill anyways, on a lighter note i have a couple thoughts about her relationship with aki !!

i think it's a habit for them to take care of each other's injuries after missions. im actually writing a fic about aki showing up at himeno's doorstep, bleeding and expecting to be taken care of in his own begrudging, stuck up way lmao. i think himeno is less likely to straight up go to his house for that, but i see them leaving public safety and going home together to shower and bandage their wounds in companionable silence.

additionally to that whole thing, i personally do believe that their relationship could've had a non-platonic side to it, albeit still casual in its nature. leaving that aside, i think they share quite a bit of affection and physical touch regardless, considering how casually we see them invading each other's personal space in canon. so i think they sleep in the same bed a lot, after tending to each other's wounds, or getting too drunk in himeno's living room. i think it took a while for aki to stop being tense and relax into it, but they settled into a comfortable zone and it was sth they both needed more than they would ever admit.

fujimoto once talked about himeno and said that she is the type to leave a lot of her stuff behind at aki's place and u better believe i ran with it. clothes, hair brushes, a spare toothbrush in the bathroom, you can't change my mind. i also think that to some extent it goes both ways. himeno has a shitload of aki's tupperware at her place, from all the food he brings her weekly, and she never washes them unless aki comes over to do it himself and by the time he decides to take some back, there's always more. black hair ties are often littered in her bathroom cabinets and on one of her night stands. a book on her windowsill that aki brought to read before bed once and then never took home.

not to get dark again, but talking about them is bound to make me sad sooner or later :) based on the way she thinks about aki's death in canon, i think she would often panic when thinking about aki's shrivelling lifespan, especially at the beginning when aki had a lot of years to spare and surely used the sword more freely. i imagine her being restless in her bed with aki sleeping next to her, feeling compelled to check on his breathing or his pulse. reach over and touch his hand to feel him alive and warm, hoping it would soothe her to sleep.

i also think she's there a lot of the times aki cries. i bet the first time she saw him was accidental, or at least not a conscious decision on aki's part. i also bet himeno didn't really know what to think of it initially, but soon looked at aki under a different light bc of it. i think aki finds comfort in himeno being in the same room as the tears spill from his eyes after a day of watching people die. and i think himeno loves giving him that, even though it tugs at her chest in uncomfortable ways she can't quite point out.

i feel compelled to but i won't go into the whole being in love with aki situation, because first of all its not even a headcanon but very much there and secondly i will ramble indefinitely about how i think her pining for him would manifest and this is already a huge post god bless

on a slightly different note before i bring this to a close, i like thinking about her bond with kishibe a lot as well. it's not shown enough in the anime or manga, but i imagine them being friends. i think they would go out for drinks but more to talk than get wasted. i think they'd have the capacity to talk about very real things but also nothing at all. kishibe might be the only person himeno talks to properly about aki, aside from her letters to her sister, because he shares the same life as her and inevitably has more space tl understand. maybe kishibe gets to talk a bit about quanxi too.

haha oh well :D that's all i have for now. if u read this far thank you and also im sorry lmao. hadn't sat down to microwave himeno like this in a hot minute i loved getting the opportunity to do it so thanks for the ask anon !! till next time ~

[witchthewriter]

tag game: stranger things edition

Thank you @maniac-maniac-maniac for tagging me!

Btw anyone can play if they want to! Don't feel like you have to wait to be tagged 🦋

Ride or die ship (your otp)

I- I don't really have one... I don't like Mike and El; she's on another level. I think I have to ship a couple, it would be Argle and Jonathan?? Or Robin and Vickie. Oh! Robin and Nancy!

Most annoying ship

Mike and El... I hate how she feels as if she isn't good enough for him while she is literally the main character? And I can't have El being insecure because my girl is BITCHIN' 👏👏👏

Second favourite ship

Me and Eddie <3 <;3 <3

Favourite platonic relationship

STEVE AND ROBIN! They are platonic SOULMATES! Absolutely amazing chemistry by the actors.

Underrated ship

Joyce and Jim; they were already Mother ™ and Father ™ even before going on their date at Enzos.

Overrated ship

Mike and El, AND Steve and Nancy. I mean I do like the trope of Female Character Has Big Ambitions with Boyfriend Who Has None. But Steve and Nancy are too dissimilar. As well as Nancy and Jonathan - there is no chemistry there.

One thing I would change in canon

Eddie's death duh.

Something canon did right

... Introduce Eddie, I'm SORRY I'm being annoying but c'mon he is the best thing about the goddamn show. It was boring for me before.

A thing i'm proud of creating for the fandom PLEASE BRAG ABOUT YOURSELF I WANT TO SEE/READ YOUR ART

It's so old, but my Vampire!Eddie Boyfriend headcanons. Looking back it could do with a lot of editing, but the idea that Eddie was actually turned into a vampire because of the bat bites was brilliant (credit to whoever came up with that first).

A character who is perfect to me (wouldn't change a thing)

I got TWO, season 1-3 Hopper, because I really loved his whole punch first ask questions later. And his weight, I loved his weight. I think his weightloss in season 4 wasn't just for Stranger Things, I think he genuinely wanted to be skinnier. Which ... I mean his body his rules, but I loved him more when he was heavier tbh.

And OBVIOUSLY EDDIE. HOW DID THEY COME UP WITH THE PERFECT CHARACTER?! They could have made him a one, maybe even two sided drug dealer who couldn't graduate high school. But no, he has so much heart and SOFTNESS. I actually fell in love with him after the cafeteria scene, when he was with Chrissy. He just became this caring, open, kind guy who also had a LUNCHBOX full of fcking DRUGS.

The character I relate to the most and why

You already hate me by now because I've spoken about Eddie so much, but yeah ... Eddie. It's one of the reasons why he's so well-loved. The outsider, the one everyone thinks is weird - I think all can relate on one level or another. Especially growing up ... not so well off. Seeing Eddie live in a trailer but he's still so popular; it gives a lot of gratification (if that's the right word?)

Character(-s) I hate the most and why

Mr Wheeler - he is literally such a shITTY DAD. WTF. In his daily life he doesn't care about his family, or show any interest in them.

STEVE'S PARENTS - WHERE ARE THEY? WHAT ARE THEY DOING? I mean they could be travelling for work but that's still neglect.

Billy - if he wasn't a good looking character no one would like him. In the original script he was actually supposed to called Lucas the n-word because he's racist. And in the scenes with Lucas, there are underlying motifs that show his racism. So, yeah, I hate racists.

Martin Brenner aka Papa. Motherf*cking asshole.

Something I've learned from the fandom

Um... that the majority of us really love big-haired, soft-hearted, drug dealers? I mean okay, I don't really get into fandoms anymore because of bad past experiences. I guess what I've learnt then, is that everyone has their own opinion - doesn't mean yours is wrong or any less valid.

Three tags i seek out on ao3

I don't go on Ao3 a lot, but Hopper, basically just Hopper omg ahahha. Or soulmate AU.

A song I strongly associate with my otp/favourite character

I gots no songs I associate with my otp but I do for Eddie - The Sails of Chiron by Scorpions. It's a bit of rock but also ... really sensual?? I found it because Eddie made me fall in love with 80s heavy rock.

No pressure tagging: @sardonic-the-writer.

[vivalavi-daa]

K-Dramas (February-May 2022)

1. My Liberation Notes

About: Three siblings, exhausted by the monotony of day to day adulthood, seek to find fulfillment and freedom from their unremarkable lives

Interesting posters, lovely intro video, and beautiful sceneries that makes every scene & line that's being delivered seem poetic. These are what captivated me from the beginning. But it's not just that. My Liberation Notes is remarkable because it realistically depicts the mundane lives of adults that the actors said it feels like they are shooting for a documentary. The way they explore adults issues such as loneliness, working lives, family dynamic, and even highlight the introverts struggle is what really gets me... Every character has something that I can relate to. And that's why it's so easy to get immersed in the story.

It may be a slow paced drama, but that's its charm. Even when there are so many quiet scenes with no dialogues, I find it so refreshing to watch how much the silence speaks and how inner monologues could deliver deeper meanings to the stories. The lines make me feel that my uneasy feelings about life/the world feel validated while watching it.

My Liberation Notes is a gem with a genre that's hard to find & that makes it my fave drama of this year <3

2. Twenty Five Twenty One (2521)

About: In a time where dreams seem out of reach, a teen fencer pursues her ambitions and meets a hardworking young man who seeks to rebuilds his life.

2521 has everything you could ask for in a youth drama: heart fluttering romance, heartwarming friendship, and hopeful stories that encourage you to pursue your dreams. I knew I'd love it when it started out engaging with the introduction of young Hee Do & Yi jin who have a contrasting perspectives about the world. Yijin is a hardworking guy who starts to feel the weight of reality and feel lost, meanwhile Hee Do is a bright girl with an optimistic spirit. Her existence has brought Yijin to hold on hope and be brave enough to taste happiness that comes his way. I must stress, I love how they build connection in the pursuit of happiness together!! The friends to lovers excellency!

Asides from the two relationship, the whole friendship stories of the five are what makes it more gripping. Their characters development, how they bond with each other, and how comical & refreshing each scene of them together was. It truly brightens the atmosphere of 2022 <3

3. A Business Proposal

About: Hari, a regular employee, shows up to a blind date in disguise of her rich friend to scare him away. Things go awry when he turns out to be her CEO and makes a proposal.

1) I didn't expect the scenes to produce this much laughter and 2) I didn't expect this kdrama to be this nice & entertaining! Even though the stories is full of cliche & (even some cringe lines), they managed to get high ratings during its airing. It's no wonder though. Not only serving us with the leads' visuals, every character is interesting in their own way and both main & side romance are just as adorable. It's a light kdrama & that's amusing to watch. Definitely one of the best romcom to me!

4. Thirty Nine

About: Three best friends leaning on each other as they experience life, love, and loss on the brink of turning 40.

This drama was claimed to be heartwarming, when it turns out it is also heart wrenching at the same time. I was particularly drawn to the lessons that friends make life worth living and that love always perseveres. It's heartwarming to see the three best friends are so devoted to each other and try to be their happiest selves when they're together. The actors' chemistry is also overflowing more than I can expect. One thing I want to note about 39 is that I don't agree with some of the things in this kdrama (if you watch the drama you'll know). It's not a flawless kdrama but still, it's a decent adult friendship kdrama with impeccable acting & satisfying characters arc.

5. Shooting Stars

About: Daily lives of people in an entertainment agency and romance between a top star and a head of the stars' promotion team.

The trope is nothing new, it reminded me of kdramas like So I Married an Anti Fan with slight difference. I can't describe the trope well... and that, in fact, is what makes it appealing. The leads are friends who are also enemies who will (obviously) become lovers. Their interaction dynamic is really engaging to watch and wrapped in fun vibes. At first, I wasn't that attracted to the portrayal of the side characters though. But as I get to know them, they become more interesting & I realize that they're also important part of the story as they give us insight about the lives of people working in entertainment industry.

5. Tomorrow

About: A young man who is employed by a company of grim reapers in the underworld to save people's lives.

I was mainly fascinated by the visuals the whole time I watched this... and the plot is also compelling. A company of grim reapers? Interesting. A division of grim reapers whose job is to save people's lives? Sign me up. Also, with the team that consisted of two cool grim reapers (who behave like cats) who adopted a guy (who behaves like adorable puppy)? Amusing.

Each episode has different themes to tell, but it has a central story. Though dealing with serious issue like suicides, it is also combined with humour but stlll, those who feel vulnerable must be careful with the triggers. It's a supernatural drama with unique vibes and it's reflective with advices to give.

6. The Sound of Magic

About: a magician living in an abandoned theme park who helps a disenchanted teenager enduring her harsh reality.

I didn't expect it to be a musical drama?? although the title seems pretty obvious. But I like to be surprised & impressed though. As the first musical kdrama I've ever seen, the first few minutes is already intriguing. The characters have interesting stories, especially the mysterious magician. Tbh it felt kinda off to see the casts in their roles at first (the after effects of seeing them in their previous works) but their good actings as great actors help me got adapted to see their roles immediately. The whole musical performances always filled with magical & pleasant looking cinematography & I like that a lot.

7. The Killers' Shopping List

About: An odd murder case near the supermarket that leads the supermarket workers (Dae Sung and his mother) with Dae Sung's girlfriend to figure out the case together.

Watched it for the casts, and the plot seems new and interesting too. It is filled with misteries but seasoned with humours. I have watched two eps and it's not bad, but I am still waiting to be more enthralled though...

Kdrama recs: 7/?

[isa-ah]

*coughs up blood* i just sent the message to my mom that im cutting contact lol for people who are nosey

I'm about to start a new chapter in my life, so it's time to tie up loose ends with people who will not be turning the page with me.

This begs the question; how patient should you be? How long do you give someone to learn, to make the choice to grow, and to find their respect for the people around them? Days, weeks, months, years? Because I've been waiting for nearly a decade and I'm tired of it.

I thought for a long time that tolerance was the best I could hope for. Gritted teeth and being allowed to sit at the table with everyone else. Not being openly mocked. I thought, when I was a kid with no self worth, that that was the best it could ever be. But I'm older now. I'm an adult, I'm getting married, I have mature peers, and I've started to realize how absolutely bullshit that is.

I deserver unyielding support and love. I deserve respect. And I'm getting it- from Lo's mom, from Lo's family. They've shown up en masse to celebrate with us. Not a single person has questioned my identity, has made me feel disgusting or unwelcomed or decieved. They're ecstatic to be involved in the planning and execution of our union- and it's lead to questions not about me, but about YOU.

They want to know why YOU'RE not involved. They want to know why I cried so hard I nearly threw up when Drew told me he would never support us. They want to know why I don't have a SINGLE family member in attendance. And when I tried to explain it, how it happened, the resurgence of disbelieving disgust I was met with made me realize they're right to feel that way.

These strangers have shown me more compassion and understanding than you ever have. You've had nearly a decade to figure yourself out, to step up and become a better person. To not just tolerate, but to LOVE me. And you haven't. And I've lost any expectation for you to. It's 2022 and you've done nothing to unpack your internalized homophobia.

And the funniest part is, it's not just you! You've made my brothers into bigots as well.

I tried. I fucking tried. I pressed for family dinners. For outings together. For conversations between us, between you and my soon to be husband, so you could understand that we're not monsters. We're just people. We love and support each other, and we were trying to establish something of that with you.

What we got in return was consistent homophobic and racist commentary and jokes over the dinner table. Rape jokes, Holocaust jokes, and your daily usage of the word "gypped"- an anti Romani slur coined as part of the genocide of Lo's ancestors. We tried to grin and bare it, under the assumption that with time you'd learn, but fuck. Why are we the ones left holding the bag?

We put up with your nasty bullshit, and you can't even make an appearance? You can't even say NO? You ignored me when I tried to ask you to come to our wedding. To my FACE, you IGNORED me. You did NOT even RESPECT me enough in that moment to say NO. I gave you THREE chances. And you could not even be bothered to say no.

And so, why am I still trying? Why am I holding the line, keeping communications valid, when after so long you've done nothing but regress? You're a worse person now than you were when my grandparents died. You taught me the foundations of anti racism and that gay people were just normal people. So why are you so unbearably nasty now? What happened?

Well. I don't know how to tell you this, but it's a line you've chosen to cross. You are, and I mean this genuinely from the bottom of my heart, a religious extremist. You've chosen the white person's guide to colonization over your own child- again and again and again and again. And for the last time. I won't keep asking you to pick when I know I'm only going to lose.

I hope that in time you'll find your humanity again. That you'll start to unpack and understand how far beyond any level of tolerance or compassion you've swung. How much you've not only hurt me, but damaged my brothers world views. They're going to struggle to ever settle into any space that isn't unambiguously straight, white and religious. They're going to internalize things deeply- DEEPLY- about their own worth and the worth of people who aren't exactly like them. And it's going to hurt when the day finally comes that they have to confront the knots on knots on knots that you've allowed to be tied up within them.

I know, because I'm nearly twenty-six and I'm still dealing with the fringes of what I was taught as a child.

It's not too late for you to grow and change. I'm not writing you off. But I'm not going to keep channels of communication open for someone who thinks so lowly of me and my husband. I love you. But I'm done.