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warrioreowynofrohan · 3 years

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Thoughts on Mistborn Era 2 (Wax & Wayne):

My main take on these was “ah, looks like Brandon’s taking some time off from his magnum opus to write pulp Western/detective/crime novels”, and I was very amused to look up Brandon’s comments and see a ton of interviews with him saying, “so, this is absolutely me having some fun writing pulp Western/crime novels”. It’s nice to have a writer who’s not too proud to - accurately - describe his own stuff as pulp yet still do a good job of it. They remind me a little of the Dresden Files in terms of the mystery aspects, the urban fantasy tone, the wit, the lack of diplomatic/political subtlety of the protagonists and, of course, the rampant property destruction. But Brandon’s a much more thoughtful author than Jim Butcher, and treats his female characters better.

On the topic of gratuitous property destruction: Wax, for goodness’ sakes, stop shooting the ground! That’s infrastructure, Wax! Fixing the streets takes work, Wax! You’re not a dusty dirt road in the middle of nowhere any more, Wax! Just drop a coin like they dud in the old days! Or a shell casing or bullet if you desperately need to be hardcore. But rampantly firing off weapons in urban areas just to get a base for your Allomancy is a terrible idea.

This was a wonderful follow-up to Mistborn because it was a lot lighter and the stakes were a lot lower, which is nice for a change. I was reading the intro to Elantris where it was talking about people in Brandon’s early writing group telling him he needed to raise the stakes, and personally, I like low stakes. Well of Ascension/Hero of Ages were a grind, much as I liked the ending, and I would be up for more stories like Dawnshard, with low stakes and the heroes resolving the plot by non-violent means.

Marasi and Steris are both very well-done characters - I was definitely shipping Wax/Marasi in the first book and had no expectations of the Wax/Steris engagement lasting, so I was quite surprised, but the switch was well done and I liked it. Marasi and Wax’s feelings were a crush/hero worship and a rebound, respectively. And it’s nice to see a relationship grow gradually like Wax and Steris’ did. What Brandon did with Steris, starting out with a portrayal readers are unlikely to lije and letting her grow on them, is risky (especially with female characters) because readers may hold to first impressions, but I thought it worked very well.

Wayne’s backstory and reaction to it hit hard and was one of the best elements in the series. Another entry in the diverse array of Sanderson redemption arcs. It’s interesting because Wayne both is and isn’t haunted by it - he takes it seriously, it affects him deeply, but he doesn’t habitually brood, and it doesn’t prevent him from being a generally lighthearted, funny, silly person most of the time.

Wayne is absolutely right about the value of certain goids being an arbitrary thing invented by rich people. I’ve had caviar, once (as a garnish on a nice pasta dish at a fancy restaurant). It tastes like nothing. Entirely nodescript. The sole purpose of caviar is to communicate “this dish is fancy (and so, by connection, is the person eating it)”.

I’m deeply protective of Sazed and get very affonted when characters criticize him. I think he’s done an excellent job. It’s hard to wrap my head around the sheer scale of Bleeder’s overreaction to the possibility of her boyfriend moving back to the city. Though on one level it makes sense in that the kandra are of Preservation: she is going to see maintwnance of an existing situation as inherently better and more desirable, even if a change could still turn out well and be something Wax enjoyed. And I don’t feel like Sazed telling him about Bleeder being Lessie would have helped anything - it just would have made the decision to kill her harder, not less necessary, because she was incredibly malicious, destructive, and dangerous and there was no other way of containing her.

The resolution of Shadows of Self is exactly the sort of thing I wanted to see, politically: the mass protests and risk of riot over poor wages, unemployment, and mustreatment of workers is resolved by a committment to address those problems, because the workers’ anger is legitimate and their cause is just.

I’m heartily frustrated by Wax, because it is his responsibility - it is literally his job, he has employees and a Senate seat! - to address the major political and economic problems of Elendel, and he neglects them. I don’t care if you’d rather be out shooting things! You have resposibilities! The workers in your factories are the source of the money and prestige that lets you engage in your gentleman-crimefighter hobby, and you owe it to them to see that the city operates in their interests. You can do far more good in that way than by shootin’ bad guys. Do. Your. Damn. Job. Steris seems to be nudging him in that direction, at least.

In general I’m impatient with a lot of the law-enforcement attitudes. Miles is a villain for whom I have absolutely no sympathy. Oh, so you’ve turned evil because, despite your 15 years of work in law enforcement, crime still exists? Yeah, maybe that’s because your belief that crime will stop existing if you shoot and/or hang enough people was never realistic. Likewise with Wax’s skepticism regarding Marasi’s ideas on how crime can be reduced through better urban planning and social policies - no, Wax, it won’t entirely eliminate crime, there will always be people who are just plain malicious, greedy, venal, or violent, but if you can reduce it by, say, 50-70% by better social policy, that would still be a good thing, right?

The period newspapers are great fun. I want a TenSoon plushie! Come on, Brandon, you’re musding out on a fantastic marketing opportunity! The one thing that bugged me was the ‘Pewternauts’ in The Bands of Mourning. In the first place, it’s a nonsensical name - real-world dreadnaughts, of which these are obviously supposed to be the equivalent, were called that because it literally meant ‘these having nothing they should fear’. The apex predator of military warships at the time, if you will. You can’t just create a random fantasy portmanteau amd pretend that it works - it’s like calling a scandal in a fantasy novel something-gate even though the Watergate scandal doesn’t exist in that world! Secondly, dreadnaughts were part of a massive military arms race in a world where European wars had been commonplace for centuries. The Elendel basin had never had a war in 300 years - these aren’t something that someone would invent just off the bat. Having similar technology to turn-of-the-century earth doesn’t mean it will be applied in the same ways, not with a completely different political context.

In general, New Seran’s complaints seemed overblown. Yes, the transit system treating Elendel as a hub and lacking effective connections between the outlying regions in aggravating. (It’s a provlem that plagues urban public transit systems even now - most routes are either local or feed into the city centre, with relatively few goung from one suburb to another, even as trans-suburban commuting vecomes more common.) But it’s not remotely the kind of thing you fight a war over! I feel like Brandon’s trying to recall the American Revolution, a bit, but the distances are so small (Elendel and New Seran are about as far apart as Ottawa and Toronto) as to make that ludicrous. What they really need is some kind of equivalent to a regional district authority, where representatives of multiple local governments can get together to work on issues of regional planning.

#brandon sanderson #mistborn era 2 #wax and wayne #marasi #steris #sazed #dawnshard spoilers #politics

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bisexual-books · 4 years

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Dustin’ off the ole blog (or why I don’t feel bad for Becky Albertali)

Hey guys. Wow. Its been like two years since anybody posted here and three since I wrote anything of substance? In my defense I adopted a teen so life got super duper busy around that time, but now that I’ve (mostly) sorted out the day to day parenting stuff, I’m back. At least for today. Because whooo boy do I have A LOT thoughts and feelings about the situation with Becky Albertali.

So let’s jump right in : I don’t feel bad for Becky Albertali . Not at all. I think she is wrong and am not moved by her medium post. I think Gabby Dunn is on the right track to criticize her and I would like do so as well because I think she is wrong.

What Albertali (and her twitter fans) seem to willfully ignore in her medium piece is that readers don’t side-eye straight authors without good reason. We do it because over and over and over again, straight authors do a shit job of writing about queer issues, creating realistic queer characters, and discussing queer issues. How does an author earn the ability to avoid that side-eye? How do they avoid questions, comments, and concerns about their ability to do those things in their writing? By being an open and proud member of the queer community ie coming out. Coming out is important and difficult work in a fundamentally heterosexist society, and hence is rewarded as such by our community. If you don’t do that work, why exactly should I or any other queer person give you that cachet?

Fundamentally I see Becky Albertali wanting the socio-emotional bennies of queer author status, without doing the work of coming out. And I’m just not finding much sympathy for that. She is not owed the benefit of the doubt by readers, particularly queer readers. She has to earn it. Yes, it probably was difficult for her to be questioned about her orientation while questioning, but those questions are reasonable and legitimate.

Queer readers don’t just sit around like a dragon hording legitimacy and saying ‘mwhahaha’ to poor little straight authors. We do this as a self-protection mechanism with good reason. We’ve experienced characters that are just a grab bag of stereotypes. We’ve been gutted when straight authors we trusted as allies say horribly offensive things. We’ve read arguments about queer people that bear no resemblance to our real lives and we’ve literally cried ourselves to sleep over disappointing, nasty, rude, offensive, and heartbreaking books (at least I have).

If Becky Albertali and her defenders want to make life easier on queer authors, then instead of blaming queer readers for asking those questions, they need to interrogate why those questions need to be asked and how to reduce that need.

Instead I see Albertali in her medium piece blaming queer readers for needing to protect themselves, for needing to side-eye, for needing the explicit power of #ownvoices and support of out authors. I don’t see her piece putting rightful, blame on straight people and straight culture that created these situations in the first place. Blaming queer readers for daring to question her is a pernicious type of victim blaming, and I have no time or patience for that. We erect these walls to protect our own hearts and souls, not because we’re big meanies. If you don’t want to be on the wrong side of the wall, then help dismantle the need for it. Don’t blame us for its existence.

I’ve seen some people on twitter say this is somehow gatekeeping or cutting people off from exploring/discovering their queerness in art. And I think that argument is off base. No one was preventing Alberteli from making her art. She could have written in a notebook or on Smashwords for all the days of her life. People can make a dozen deviantart accounts or twitter accounts or AO3 accounts or tumblr accounts or discord servers and post their queer art creations all over the internet while they work out their queer feelings. It is easy and free and no one is stopping anyone else from doing so.

However I think when you cross the line from creating your queer art to profiting off your queer art, something fundamentally changes. The stakes go up. Queer readers need to know so they can decide who to trust with their hard earned cash. We live in capitalism, man. If you think that sucks, help dismantle that too.

Albertali looked back in her piece, so I also want to cast back to early 2015, when Albertali first published Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda. Bi YA author Corrine Duyvis woudn’t coin the term/hastag #ownvoices until September of that year. And it was A LOT easier to get a YA book with LGBTQ characters published if you were straight. How do I know that? Because it was like pulling teeth to find queer authors writing queer characters outside of small queer presses. I was hardcore book blogging at that time. The mainstream publishing industry side-eyed YA/kidlit queer authors, especially those who were less polished due to poverty/educational attainment/systemic racism/disability, to favor straight white authors with post-graduate degrees along with a handful of token queer authors that were already a part of the publishing industry. This was slowly changing but it hadn’t changed that much. It was still easier to get a queer YA published as a straight person.

And Albertali knowingly entered into and profited off that system.

She literally has cash in the bank off the publication of the book Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda, the subsequent film that became Love Simon, the subsequent book reprints and merchandise under the name Love Simon and the subsequent Love Victor show on Hulu. They sold Love Simon shirts at Hot Topic for $20 for crying out loud. She was able to obtain that money, prominence, and influence because she presented herself as a straight woman.

There is no comparable story in queer authorland because queer authors are simply not given the opportunity to turn their queer novels into multimedia cash cow franchises. The closest thing I can think of is Armistand Maupin’s ‘Tales of the City‘ and that took 20 years to be made into a tv miniseries with subsequent books. That was 27 years ago and to my knowledge, no one sold shirts. So for most of my/ Albertali’s lifetime, there has been no viable path to create a queer media empire as a queer author. None.

Until Albertali did it while pretending to be a straight girl.

She says that she legitimately did not know she was queer when Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda was published or when Leah on the Offbeat was written. It does suck that she had to figure that out while living such a public life and I feel bad that it was hard. But honestly it sucks for everyone to figure that out. It sucks to figure that out as an isolated teen or a professional adult. Its just an emotionally grueling process. Wanna make it better for future people? Again work to disable heterosexism and heterocentrism in wider society. Blaming queer people for that heterosexism and heterocentrism, and chiding them for not giving you unearned benefits of the doubt doesn’t do anything to disable those systems. No one forced you to sign a movie deal or do a ton of interviews, you did that all on your own. Ignorance of the consequences of your own actions doesn’t exempt you from having to deal with them.

Only very very recently has the publishing landscape shifted so #ownvoices is a selling point instead of a liability. Only very very recently (and I would argue very minimally) has the publishing industry valued #ownvoices authors enough to nurture and polish their skills with open submissions and contests for people who don’t have grad degree levels of writing skills. And Albertali is upset at being excluded from this? When she literally has the educational privileges of a doctorate and significantly more money than the average queer author has made in my lifetime?

The closet sucks but no one forced Albertali to stay in it and queer people didn’t create it. She chose to publish and license her work to reap the benefits, and as such also reaps the consequences. Apparently one such consequence was that it was personally difficult for her to understand her sexuality and her mental health was poor. Well.... until we can disassemble heteropatriarchy that is the world we live in. Get your queer house in order before you go pro and open yourself up to real reactions from queer readers. But if like Albertali, you don’t do that while choosing more and more publicity and raking in wheelbarrows full of cash, well, don’t expect much sympathy from me.

- Sarah

#becky albertalli #coming out #the closet #queer readers #queer authors #gabby dunn #ownvoices #yes I'm still mad about Bermudez Triangle #84 years later #essays #bisexual authors

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zargsnake · 3 years

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Knightkiller: Anakin and Obi-Wan’s First Adventure

Chapter 9: Crix Spartak

Word Count: 2309 Links: Chapter 1, Table of Contents

* * *

Two Years Ago

Shmi sits at a desk by the windowsill in Watto’s shop, composing fake documentation for a shipment to a more legitimate planet. She used to do this kind of thing all the time for Gardulla on Nal Hutta, and she's very good at it. Forging and faking are probably her best skills. She knows legal-speak and formatting; she has a knack for coming up with random numbers and convincing names. When she has a sample of handwriting or writing style from a real person, she can imitate it flawlessly, which she has done for business leaders, crime lords, and even Senators. When she doesn't have anything from anyone real, she invents someone. She has no honest idea what the closest Senator's name really is, but she's invented a self-serious personality and a squiggly autograph that has tricked docking-receivers as far away as Rodia.

Watto has little use of this power of hers for his day-to-day needs, but he sometimes comes up with plots to trick his neighbors using Shmi’s forgeries. And, sometimes, like now, he needs her tricks to get rid of stuff, like these ten tons of toxic waste he ended up with from a bad bet, and that he now wants to pass off as fertilizer and sell to a gullible offworld farmer who won't be able to trace it back to him.

Writing isn't bad work. It’s challenging, and, malicious as it is, she knows she could enjoy it, if she let herself: getting into people's heads, living other lives, for just a short while. It is like solving a puzzle, to figure out how to make other people believe something that isn’t true. The cruel intention of the trickery is not her own, it never is, so she doesn't let that aspect of her work bother her, not anymore.

The only bad part, from her point of view, is the knowledge that her words get to go somewhere that she does not.

And the only good part, really, is that she gets to look at her little boy as she writes. He sits on the desk, next to her cobbled-together, whirring word-processor. He is carefully cleaning a fragile hyper-carburetor with a rag, putrid green gear-soap, and a very serious expression.

Suddenly Crix Spartak pokes head through the window: “Skywalkers!”

“Crix!!” Anakin nearly drops the carb, but of course his reflexes are too fast. He spins around on the desk and grins at the gladiator.

Crix leans on the windowsill -- then lifts his arm quickly from the heated clay, and leans just one calloused elbow on the sill. “Good morning, Ani.” He reaches across and tussles his hair. The boy nearly glows with happiness.

Shmi raises her eyebrows at the man her son admires so much. “Good morning, Crix. Can we help you?”

“D’you wanna go for a spin on the old speeder?”

“YES,” answers Anakin.

“We have a lot of work to do. Not all of us have 6 free days out of 7,” answers Shmi.

“I don't have any work, Mom!”

“I can think of one or two things for you,” she tells him.

“Just a loop round the block, Shmi? You'll be back in a minute.” Crix rests his head on his hand and smiles at her, looking just like a puppy.

She looks at him with a very deliberate expression. “I can't.”

“Take me!” says Anakin, heedlessly.

“Ani! You need to stay with me while I work. I don't want you zooming around, testing the limit on your tracker-bomb.”

“I've calculated for that,” says Crix. “Your tracker-bombs are the same as mine. The loop I planned wouldn't go anywhere near the limit.”

“Please, Mom? I'll work twice as hard.”

“No need for that.”

“I'll bring him back in ten minutes.” Shmi does not look convinced. “Five minutes.”

“Please?” Anakin begs again.

“Ten minutes,” she concedes.

Anakin sets the half-cleaned carb down, crawls off the desk, moves the carb onto a shelf, and climbs back onto the desk and over the word-processor into Crix’s arms.

“I'll bring him right back to you,” says Crix.

“If you don't, I will kill you,” says Shmi.

“I'm more afraid of you than any gladiator alive!” he tells her, laughing.

“Good! You should be!”

“Is that YOUR speeder?!” Anakin interrupts them.

“Yup! -- Well. Not really. But I won it, anyway.”

“It's BEAUTIFUL!”

“Ani!” Her son looks at her. “Keep it down.”

“Sorry!”

“Have fun.”

“I will!”

Crix grins at her, drops a big yellow flower on her desk, and points at it. She rolls her eyes and he blushes and carries Anakin to the speeder to drive him around. Shmi can't compose at all without her little muse at her side. She sits there, worrying, as they drive somewhere out of sight. A minute passes, and she picks up the flower. She doesn't recognize it. It must be an import. He must have won this, too.

They return in just eight minutes.

* * *

One Year Ago

Anakin is not supposed to be in the audience of the death match. No one wants him here, not his master, not his mother, not even Crix himself.

But he just had to come. Everyone is talking about it. He’s never known anyone so talked-about, so famous. He feels so proud. Crix is like family. And everyone, all over town, is raving about him, how unstoppable he is, what a bloody, powerful killer he is. And now Crix’s master has rounded up a spectacular squad from faraway worlds, incredible people who are paying huge amounts for the chance to fight him, to fight Crix, to fight his mom’s cool boyfriend.

They say there’s monster-men, like Wookiees, and there’s even a Mando, whatever that means. Everyone is saying they’re crazy. Everyone is saying all his opponents are gonna die, shot by Crix’s bespoke mega-blaster or crushed in Crix’s bare fists. Anakin can picture it, but he can’t really believe it; he has only ever seen those hands used for good. It'll be Crix’s grandest fight yet, maybe even the grandest fight that's ever happened in the universe. No one can keep Anakin away from such a prospect!

He has an average amount of chores, but he sets his droids on them. His newest and, by far, most ambitious droid, C-3PO, isn't much for cleaning or repairing, yet, but he can speak, a little, and write, a little more. His mom bought Anakin a fairy-tale book and assigned him to copy out the letters to improve his handwriting. Anakin sets Threepio on the task instead, and hopes that his mom won't be able to tell.

He does feel guilty, but he's too excited to feel that guilty. He sneaks out without telling her. There was a sandstorm this morning; fortunately it has passed, but the leftover wind keeps kicking sand into the air.

The arena is in a different neighborhood than the slave houses. Anakin lifts up the tarp of a delivery truck and hides in there to hitch a ride. To his surprise, the truck is full of gross little creatures called gizka. They crowd around him and rub their big faces on his legs. He pulls one onto his lap and pets its soft horns and noses.

“I wonder why they're taking you to the arena? ... Oh, I bet the gladiators are gonna slaughter you.”

He finds it kind of funny, in a sad way, that these little animals are so cheerful; that their doom is close, and they have no idea. He pretends his hand is a sword and chops it on their heads, making them coo and squawk. He laughs.

Once he hears a crowd outside, he sneaks out of the truck and hides among the people. He is far from the only urchin running around, but he does not pick pockets. His mom forbids it, and they wouldn't be allowed to keep the money, anyway.

He follows the other children and soon finds the hole in the arena’s wall which they use to sneak in and out. He fits inside the thin crack without too much difficulty, and flits around the dirty, dark area behind the stadium seating. He finds a spot with a good view, between the legs of some pink-skinned person. He leans on the bench and rests his head on his arms, and watches the battles with wide eyes.

He almost doesn't recognize Crix, in a ridiculous helmet with a big feather, but the nasty red scar across his shirtless torso gives his identity away. He's touched that scar; it feels rough and scratchy.

Crix is more than just a killer; he is a performer. He yells and growls and taunts; he makes obscene gestures and even takes bites out of his opponents, both animals and people. Anakin feels shocked and uncomfortable to see him this way, but it does not lessen his affection for him. It only increases his amazement, that one person could contain two such different personalities.

Just as the pilots and farmers had predicted, Crix wins every battle with ease. His main strategy involves shooting to stun, weaken, and disarm his opponents, and then taking them down with glamorous, bloodthirsty wrestling moves. Anakin has never seen such gratuitous and extended violence before, though he has seen plenty of people die, from podrace explosions to mechanical accidents. Until today, the bloodiest thing he ever saw was someone's tracker-bomb explode their head, but some of these deaths far surpass that one. When he starts to feel dizzy, he looks away and takes deep breaths, but he is too invested to look away for long.

Something about all this murder makes him feel cold. But it isn't a real cold. And it isn't nearly as bothersome as this heat or this wind. He rests his sweaty forehead on his arms and swallows his own spit, but it is a weak comfort. The bench shakes under his arms as the audience bangs their feet on it. Anakin marvels at their energy. He wishes he was having as much fun as they are. He really is trying to enjoy himself, and he sort of is. The thrill of it all is similar to podracing, and the triumphs are satisfying. He supposes he will grow into liking it.

After forty minutes of this action, the host announces the next opponent -- the Mando, Chahlee Tiango. Anakin watches the helmeted warrior posture and pose as the audience frantically cheers and boos.

The little boy is starting to feel bored. This would be much more exciting if they were flying around on fast ships, not shooting and punching each other. The only real difference anymore is the color of the blood. But Chahlee looks like a human, meaning he'll just bleed red, which isn't anything new.

Anakin looks at Crix, whose helmet cracked in half in the last battle. Now that his face is visible, Anakin can enjoy his confident smile. He wishes his mom were here to see her boyfriend winning so much. He supposes she would hate it.

As Anakin's thoughts wander, the audience jumps to its feet and screams uproariously. Anakin fastens his eyes back on the battle.

Crix was shot right in the chest. He crumples. A wave of sand lifts from the ground and nearly covers him, like a blanket, hiding him, as if he were never there. Tiango takes a gleeful lap around the arena.

The audience is screaming far too loudly to hear anything from the announcer. The bench is shaking too much to remain a suitable armrest. Anakin stands up straight and stares ahead.

The pink legs that had framed Anakin's view now jump and move around with everyone else, obscuring the arena with cloaks and pants and boots. The other children in this hideaway start moving around, their own views also disrupted, trying to find better spots. Some of them move in front of Anakin. He lets them. He backs off further into the shade.

“Crix…” His initial shock starts to wear away, and he feels tears cross his parched face. “You were supposed to win! They all said you would!”

He had to lose eventually. No one can win every time. Mom told me he would lose, sooner or later. Everyone dies. It's okay.

It really doesn't feel okay. But this feels like podracing, too. Failing. Losing the game. He has been close to death himself a few times, especially when Sebulba is in the match.

He wipes his eyes and holds his fingers in his ears, which are popping from the terrifying decibel level of this audience. He squints his eyes and waits for the volume to settle and the people to sit back down.

What am I waiting for, though? They'll just continue with Tiango as the new champion. I don't want to watch that.

He makes a half-hearted attempt to get another good view, but one of the other children accidentally brushes up against him, and the feeling of being touched makes him deeply angry. He doesn’t trust these other kids. He doesn’t like them. They can’t understand. That wasn’t their friend who just died. It’s too loud here. And it isn’t going to get quiet. Not for a long time.

He worms out the crack in the arena wall and sees a truck that looks similar to the one he used to get here. He hides under the tarp again -- it is now empty inside. The truck jostles along, though it doesn't take exactly the same route back. It takes Anakin a little closer to home, but then it makes a turn he did not expect. He wonders if the truck will eventually come back around to the slave houses. He has no way of knowing. He fears it will wander out of range of his tracker-bomb. He jumps off the cart and walks the rest of the way home.

Chapter 10: Gafia Chumpi

#my story #my art #star wars #knightkiller: anakin and obi-wan's first adventure #shmi skywalker #anakin skywalker #crix spartak #chahlee tiango #scifi #action #cw violence #cw gore

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kiki-is-writing · 3 years

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the beginning and end of everything UPDATE!!!

DISCLAIMER: This is my original work. I choose to share my work here and here specifically for my comrades in the writing community. Plagiarism in any form will not be tolerated.

HI EVERYONE! I FINISHED MY NOVEL! Whooo hoooo!!!

It’s actually sort of surreal, I started it in June of 2020 and now it’s 2021 and it’s over! Ty, Jude, Ada, Dorothy, and Madison have been living in my head since October 2019, and less than a year and a half later, they’ve been brought to life! Crazy!!

A summary in case you forgot/are seeing this and don’t know who the hell I am:

Ty Kassisieh has no direction. He’s just graduated college with a degree he doesn’t care about and no clue what to do with his life. Per his parent’s request to be more like his genius twin sister Ada, he picks up a job at a local library to save some money. There, he meets his coworker Jude, who’s stuck in a position not too far from his own, and Ty immediately sees the potential for companionship. But after speaking to him, Ty discovers Jude is everything he isn’t: he’s cold, introverted, aloof, and worst of all, humorless. Soon, Ty forgets all about his initial goal and becomes determined to crack Jude and see what makes him tick.

Ty’s journey of self-discovery is uprooted completely as what begins as an investigation blossoms into a friendship, and then into something more. Ty is forced to confront the feelings he’s been pushing down since high school and come to terms with himself, his family, and the relationships he thought would never change. It’s only when he befriends a young library patron, Madison, that he finally begins to see the world for what it is and figures out how to pave his own path.

Here are some stats!

Word count: 65,900 (it’ll get at least 20k words longer)

Genre: Romantic comedy

POV: third person limited, present tense

Characters: Ty, Jude, Ada, Madison, Dorothy, Diane, Omar, Paul, Uncle Hubie, Ethel

Chapters: 15

Font: Times New Roman (sorry)

This was my second novel, but the first novel where I actually knew what I was doing, at least a little bit. And holy shit, I learned SO much about my writing process:

1. I cannot pants for the life of me. I have no idea what I’m doing without an outline. But sometimes, the outline doesn’t know best. I added a ton of subplots and off-the-cuff scenes halfway through that have no set up, gave up on subplots that weren’t working halfway through, it’s a disaster of a plot. BUt the important thing is that I know how to make it perfect. I know what the story needs and how to get that.

2. Why can I only write in bursts? I wrote like seven chapters, half the novel, in the month of July. There was a day where I wrote almost 5,000 words. And last night, I wrote for 6 hours straight, without eating, drinking, or going to the bathroom (because frankly, I forgot those things existed) and I cranked out a chapter and a half in a DAY. I had such a headache and was very hungry by the end, but it was SO REWARDING.

3. I noticed while drafting is how often bits of my real life bled through. Little anecdotes, arguments, dynamics and experiences. Those who know me particularly well can probably pick out little allusions to either some of my past works, my friends, and myself.

It was 1:00 AM when I finished, and I live on the east coast of the U.S. so we’d just had a huge Nor’easter (New England for blizzard) and I went outside in the middle of the night, in my pajama pants and my uggs, and stood in my backyard and looked at the trees and processed the fact that wow, I just wrote a novel. It was cathartic and beautiful and I 110% recommend standing in snow up to your knees by yourself in the middle of the night. Very peaceful.

As exciting as it is to be done, it’s kind of weird to be ending it. I started this novel from Ty’s first person POV, and he was just kind of another goofy, dorky character that shared my own sense of humor as well as my sense of perfectionism. But as I wrote, not only did I realize that third person worked so much better, but I started realizing how much of me and my own journey as a queer person had gone into this. It turned from a light-hearted, silly rom-com with little depth, a fun summer project to keep myself busy, to the most self expressive story I’ve ever written. I didn’t expect it to come out with much deeper meaning, it was summer and I was on a light-hearted rom-com kick, and life was carefree and silly and I wanted a book that reflected it. And then, school started, and life just descended into absolute chaos, and it was November, and it was NaNoWriMo, and I was writing my novel while watching CNN for a week straight. (But it all turned out great! New president!)

I can’t remember exactly when I started to incorporate my own struggles growing up as a queer kid, but somehow they bled through in the second half. The last scene of the book is (no spoilers) an incredible breath of fresh air for Ty. It’s something I can only wish for every queer teenager, that moment where you can finally be unapologetically and authentically queer without that nagging worry in the back of your mind. I’ve struggled over this past year with my identity, and as Ty found his place, I found mine as well.

Seriously, writing this book was one of the best experiences I’ve had. Yes, the entire time I had a separate document open, writing down every little thing that needs to change, but I legitimately feel excited for draft 2 and continuing working on this project. I think about how much this book helped me, unconsciously creating the story that I needed to hear, and how maybe, in ten, fifteen years, some queer teenager will be wandering around a bookstore and pick up The Beginning and End of Everything. Maybe just because the cover is pretty. Maybe they like the F. Scott Fitzgerald reference in the title. Maybe they heard about it on Twitter somewhere. But they pick it up, and see themselves in Ty, or in Jude, or in Madison. I know every book that gave me that feeling, I cherish them so deeply, and all I really want is for someone to get that feeling from something I wrote. To see themselves in the pages and know they’re not alone. It’s cheesy, but it’s true, and it’s important.

I think one of my favorite themes in the novel is the whole ‘someone’s got your back’ thing. I 100% did not mean for it to go in the way it did, but I was writing this as I was going through some Stuff, some stuff in which I realized that having someone, just one person in your corner can mean the entire world, if only for that moment. And if there’s no one in your corner when you need it, you can be in someone else’s when they need it. Frankly, I love how it plays out throughout the novel. There was always that theme of Ty and Madison sort of being there for each other, but as I found myself in the first semester of the school year building new friendships with incredible, smart, funny people (albeit most of that being online) and strengthening old bonds, it worked its way in, and it fits perfectly. It adds depth and strength to the story I couldn’t have done consciously.

Essentially, it is still the romantic comedy I intended it to be, but it’s also a coming-of-age (except much older than the traditional coming-of-age). Watching some of my close friends and family graduating college and continuing to struggle with their identities and places in the world I think is what truly carved out this idea. Because not everyone has everything figured out as soon as they graduate, and I feel like, as a teenager, that’s something my friends and I really need to get through our heads. A lot of us expect to have everything figured out as soon as we turn 18. But, we’re 18. There’s a lot of life ahead of us, and we can’t possibly know what we’re going to do so young. So I think that was my main source of inspiration for this novel, and I’m really proud of the way that fleshed out. Of course it needs lots and lots of work, but. I like it. The way my personal life bled through and strengthened the story is incredible to reflect on. Honestly, I really, truly, cannot wait to start working on draft 2.

taglist:

@alicewestwater @august-iswriting @lottieiswriting @phiwrites @jennawritesstories @chloeswords

#the beginning and end of everything #teenwriter #am writing #my writing #my novel #writblr #writeblr #writing update #teen writer #young writer #writingupdate #writer problems #writerscommunity #writing #drafting #nanowrimo #losenanowrimo2020 #camp nanowrimo

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velkynkarma · 3 years

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So I’m suuuper late to the party, but I finally, finally finished Rhythm of War.

I am delighted by it. Thoughts and reactions under the cut, just in case for spoilers.

OKAY SO I had a lot of feelings about this book, and I wanted to be able to sit down and read the book properly and devote time to it, instead of sneaking paragraphs here or there during work breaks. So that’s why it took me so long to read it. In a way I feel like a terrible fan for taking so long when I was so excited about reading it for over a year, but in another way I am satisfied that I did it justice.

General thoughts/reactions:

I am legitimately impressed with how well Sanderson handled Shallan’s Dissociative Identity Disorder. DID is one of those mental illnesses that gets butchered so hard in media, and carries such a stigma of being “evil” or “creepy.” But Shallan’s representation seems much more factual in terms of how we know DID works today, including but not limited to:

Created from a severe trauma at a very young age, in which the brain starts splitting itself in order to protect against traumas and form survival mechanisms

Alters exist to protect the system and handle tasks for the host that the host cannot handle. Both Veil and Radiant handle tasks/functions that Shallan can’t

Also establishing that different alters can have different skills (such as Shallan being good at drawing and Lightweaving while Veil is bad at it, or Radiant handling espionage poorly)

Establishing that actual DID treatments do include encouraging alters to learn to work together and establish communication lines between each other. I like that the three create a pact to work together and rules to stand by and enforce them on each other to the best of their ability. They mess up sometimes (Radiant killing Ialai, Veil forcibly taking over sometimes). But they try.

But also establishing that prior to Shallan’s realization of what was happening at the end of Oathbringer, each of these alters had their own memories and ways of handling things and did not necessarily communicate with each other

Establishing that multiple times in prior books when Shallan thought she was ‘acting’ she was actually Blending with another identity, either Veil or Radiant. This becomes more apparent when Veil or Radiant actively discuss being the ones to do things that were previously from “Shallan’s” perspective (such as Veil learning slight of hand/etc at the beginning of Words of Radiance). This stuck out to me as especially interesting since accounts of people with DID often mention not knowing they have it or are switching for years, but being semi-aware of doing things differently than normal.

Veil being a protector-type alter and a trauma holder is extraordinarily common in DID cases and made an absolute ton of sense. It also suggests that she’s been around for YEARS longer than before Shallan ‘created’ her which, again, is not uncommon with DID cases

Veil, at least, also acts like she’s much older than Shallan, even calling her things like ‘kid.’ While Veil is, of course, no older than Shallan, this is completely accurate that alters can have different ages and even different genders to the host body in terms of how they perceive themselves

Establishing that fusions/integrations are possible, with Veil being ‘absorbed’ by Shallan at the end. This is a part of DID treatment and I like that it was handled in a way where both alters consented and the trauma was released, but it was handled. Even if Veil developed additional skills over time, it’s clear her first and foremost job was as a trauma holder alter, and once the trauma was no longer being hidden, her ‘purpose’ was done. And now Veil is a part of Shallan, and the expectation is that somewhere down the line, Radiant will join too.

Very very VERY VERY importantly, establishing Shallan’s interaction with other characters as a system with DID in a way that did not make her look like she was ‘crazy.’ DID is super serious and systems are often stigmatized. But I adored that Adolin is supportive and treats each alter on their own playing field (and even seems to be able to recognize them without Shallan changing hair color). I love that other characters like Kaladin admit they don’t exactly get it, but do their best to be respectful of it anyway. I love that nobody treats Shallan like a freak and sticks her in a padded room, and that people DO respect her wishes and treat Veil and Radiant as equally viable people. I love that it’s treated so healthily.

Honestly my only real ‘hmm, not exactly like that’ moments were thinking back on how Shallan ‘created’ personalities. Veil being a trauma holder for Shallan’s old memories implies she’s been around for a long time, so she wasn’t really “created” in that sense, just given more of a face/name. But Radiant appears to have been created spur of the moment when Adolin was all ‘hey, let me teach you to swordfight!!!’ To the best of my knowledge people with DID don’t really have control over when they split, nor do they really get to actively ‘design’ their alters. It’s more like alters form as needed to handle something. But considering how accurate everything else is, and that possibly this is just Shallan’s way of handling her splitting in a way that makes sense to her, I’m willing to give this a cautious pass.

Also maybe lost memory moments. People with DID generally can lose time. Shallan doesn’t seem to, but then towards the end we also see she’s not a reliable narrator in her own right, since somehow Radiant managed to kill Ialai when we’re reading that passage. So it’s possible we the readers are missing things because Shallan is, too.

That said, the way DID works, it will never really go away even if Shallan does fully integrate. I’m curious if more alters could form down the line. I thought this had been happening with ‘Formless,’ but Formless didn’t turn out to be another alter so much. Oh well.

I had wondered about Shallan and Pattern’s bond for a while, and I’d been wondering if maybe she had a different spren ever since Pattern mentioned he could go away or she might kill him too back in...Oathbringer, I think it was? It seemed strange to me that Shallan wouldn’t have seen him around for a long time in his pattern form, or that she’d get chased by so many cryptics in book 1, if she’d been bonded to him this whole time. Or that she had a shardblade she could summon in book 1, but Pattern hadn’t been established as a character yet. And then when Adolin met a deadeye Cryptic in Shadesmar, I was like, ‘damn, that’s Shallan’s first spren isn’t it.’ And I was vindicated. I feel stupidly proud of myself for catching even one of Sanderson’s twists.

I think this is the first book in the series where Kaladin’s arc didn’t really grab me as much as the others to start. Not that it was bad, I still really enjoyed it, especially towards the end. But I was surprised to find when I got to Part Three and Kaladin’s name was listed but Adolin’s wasn’t that I went, ‘awww, damn,’ and used that as my break point for the night.

I think part of this is that so much of Kaladin’s story that I love and adore is about not just Kaladin, but Kaladin’s friends and found family arcs with Bridge Four, and so much of that was taken away from him in the early part of the story. Like Kaladin, I guess I was just sad about everyone moving on and him being along. Sigzil going off to be the new Windrunner leader, Rock leaving, Rlain leaving (for a while at least), Adolin and Shallan leaving...it was hard. I felt his depression. Unfortunately, it made it a bit difficult to read, I guess.

On the flip side though, Kaladin’s ending arc in the story was A+ and I loved it. I love that his Fourth Ideal is specifically accepting that he cannot save everyone, which is something he’s struggled with from his very first appearance in the very first book. I love how this sheds so much light on that moment in Oathbringer where Syl is calling for him to speak the words and he just can’t, because at the time, he wasn’t ready to accept that he couldn’t save everyone. I love that he admits to Dalinar that he really did need help and a chance to recover, and that his setup for the next book doesn’t seem to be as Stormblessed, the soldier, but as a healer. And I love that he made up with his dad in the end, and did manage to at least save him.

ROCK. NOOOO.

TEFT. NOOOOOO!

And yet as always, Sanderson books are the only books where I really feel...ok with character death. It’s sad, for sure, but also deaths have purpose in his stories. Nobody is killed meaninglessly.

I think my favorite arc was Adolin’s, throughout the whole course of the book? I can’t help it. I love my enthusiastic, optimistic himbo who is just doing his best. Every time he was like ‘well I’m useless since I’m not a Radiant, but I’ll do the best I can’ I was like NO, HONEY NO, YOU’RE SO IMPORTANT, DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT YOU ARE REALLY? Look at all the people you help!!! Just look at them all!!!

As stated earlier, I love that he’s just so damned supportive of Shallan’s condition. Even if they don’t have words for ‘DID’ in Roshar or even understand it in their own terms, he’s just so damn supportive. She tells him she’s got multiple alters and he’s just like ‘cool, how can I help.’ He loves his wife. He’s friendly with Radiant. He’ll share jabs with Veil. He just wants to help, always.

I love that he’s so supportive of Kaladin too. I adored towards the beginning, where Kaladin’s going into a depressive spiral, and Syl gets Adolin because Adolin is one of the few people he can’t intimidate. And I adore that Adolin is supportive, but in a way that shows he gets it. He knows it’s not safe to leave Kaladin alone with himself and refuses to let that happen. But he also doesn’t force him to participate and acknowledges that yeah, you can feel like shit, and that’s ok, but you’re gonna feel like shit around other people, because it’ll help you. And it does. And I love that a thousand pages later Kaladin starts going into another depressive spiral and happens to mention, ‘fuck, Adolin’s not here to pull me out this time,’ recognizing what Adolin can do. I just love how much their friendship has progressed.

I love that he’s still so supportive of his brother, even if Renarin was barely in this book. I love that he even briefly defends Renarin against Shallan, even when he recognizes she doesn’t really mean any harm.

I adore his continued arc with Maya. I love that he was so excited to go to Shadesmar so he could see her again. I love how he’s clearly had offers from spren or other Radiants to talk to spren about bonding to him, and he’s like, ‘nah,’ cause he’s loyal to her. I love how everyone keeps insisting ‘deadeyes can’t speak, deadeyes can’t feel’ and he’s just like, yes?? Yes they can??? Have you ever fucking tried??? I love that it’s his genuine connection to Maya that helps her recover enough to actually talk on her own with more clarity, and how she’s clearly coming back to herself. And what a revelation, that Maya and the others deliberately sacrificed themselves. And I love that ultimately it’s his bond with Maya that gives him success with the honorspren. He did this his own way, with his own skills, in a unique way that nobody else has ever done before, because maybe he’s not a Radiant in the shiny new sense of the word, but he’s the only person out there willing to treat his sword like a partner and show kindness to spren and that shows.

I also really do hope he works stuff out with his dad because he’s got every right to be angry but also, I want him to be happy :(

Ultimately I adore Adolin’s whole polarity, that he’s a masterful duelist and combatant, and has probably killed hundreds, and yet his best quality is his sheer kindness. He has really grown on me as a character since book one, honestly. I remember not liking him in book one. I still don’t, when I reread it! But in the rest, he’s probably second only to Kaladin as my favorite.

Venli. I remember not really liking Venli in earlier books. I thought Eshonai was cool, but Venli I remember just not really vibing with. Seeing her story really made her a lot more interesting to me though, especially since I love her whole gradual growth as a character. Openly admitting to herself that she’s a coward and just wanted to get attention against her sister...and then doing something about it to better herself. Doubting her abilities to do so and being uneasy about it the whole time, but ultimately doing it anyway. She’s a flawed character, but she’s a good character, and I grew to like her so much more after seeing her story.

Also, I loved Eshonai’s mercy at the end there. Fuckin yes. Bittersweet smiles all around.

Szeth-son-son-Vallano wore white on the day he was to kill a king, because apparently white is the listener battle color, it makes SENSE now

I am also veeery curious what is going on with Szeth, who wasn’t really in this book all that much. And I’m curious if ‘Sixteen’ in Lasting Integrity is actually his dad, because they sure drew attention to a hiding Shin man and then immediately never mentioned him again.

Raboniel. MAN. What a fucking character. I was fascinated with her from the beginning. I never knew exactly what to think of her, because we see her from so many perspectives. Leshwi, who has been established as possibly the ‘goodest’ and most sane of the Fused, openly tells us not to trust her. We learn she’s done terrible things in her lifetime, like trying to create a plague to destroy all of humanity, and one of her titles is just straight-up scary af. She learns how to really, truly, actually kill spren, which is terrifying. She tried to kill the Sibling, which is obviously Super Bad. And yet, she’s such a compelling character. She’s polite and reasonable, to a degree. Clever and enormously genre-savvy, but also blunt and to the point, knowing full well Venli is being used to spy on her and Navani is working against her and blatantly stating so. She’s so intelligent, and is willing to both respect Navani and work with her to create things together, and recognize her worth. I never fully trusted her at any point, because we know she’s done so much to be scared of, but man, I enjoyed reading her segments so freaking much. I was sad when she died, and her weird frenemy relationship with Navani was really intriguing.

I really enjoyed Dabbid’s little segments. I’m so happy he’s comfortable talking around the others. I’m also happy to see Sanderson delving into including more autistic characters in different points on the spectrum, while also showing other people treating them well.

Taravangian. I still don’t know where to stand on this guy and I’m very nervous now that he’s basically a god and apparently smart enough to outwit everyone else again. I was excited when he actually managed to kill Rayse but fuck, we might have been better off with Rayse.

SOMEBODY ACTUALLY MANAGAGED TO OUTWIT HOID AND I’M SCARED AF AT WHAT THAT MEANS

Moash. I just. Fuck. I don’t even know. I’m not even sure if this counts as him killing under his own power or not. He doesn’t really want to take responsibility for his actions, and as long as Odium takes his pain and feelings, he doesn’t have to. But that moment when he wasn’t protected, he seemed upset with what he had done. So I really have no damned clue where his story is gonna go. But fuck, it’s scary how easily he almost undid Kaladin completely. He knew exactly what buttons to press. We’re lucky the Pursuer ignored him and attacked anyway, or he really would’ve won.

I’ll admit, my Cosmere knowledge is less than stellar, so I’m still not entirely sure I understand the stuff with the Heralds and Mraize. But I am definitely curious to see where it’s going on a surface level, at least.

LIFT USES LIFELIGHT that explains a lot. I wish she’d been in this story more because I adore her lol.

I know Sanderson announced Ace Jasnah a while back, but I love that it’s been so firmly established in the book itself. No beating around the bush or leaving people to wonder. She just straight-up says she’s got no real interest in sexual stuff and never really got how it drove others. I love it. I love seeing that so honestly and bluntly stated.

Anyway I’m sure there’s a lot more to be said but overall, A++++ as always, super adored, next one when????

#Velkynkarma rambles #Stormlight Archive #Rhythm of War spoilers

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #466

“she is the butcher, she wants the air / she hides the scars under her hair”

Who do you think cares the most about you? My mom. What do you do when you’re pissed off? Isolate and cry. Have you ever had unprotected sex? Good luck catchin' me do that. What did your mother study at university? Social work. What was the last thing you took a video of? I have zero idea. What is your least favorite kind of weather? Hot and humid weather can actually fuck off. What was the last housework you did? Does changing my cat's litter count? Have you ever had famous neighbors? Not to my knowledge. Have you ever lived in a small community where everyone knew each other? Nope. Have you ever actually drank warm milk? NO EW EW EW EW EW Do you talk to your pets? If you don't, are you REALLY a pet parent??????? Who is a famous person you could see yourself reading a biography about? He's always said he doesn't want to but I really hope Mark writes an autobiography one day alskdjklafjw;ejr Are there any numbers you dislike for any reason? No. What skill that you have do you make most use of? idk man Have you ever done something sexual that you regret? Nah. Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret? No. Have you ever ate so much you puked? No. Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance? Sometimes/some places yes, other times/places, no. Would you rather eat cookies or brownies? It would probably change with what I'm feeling, but I lean towards a nice center piece brownie. :^) If you’re out late, where are you likely to be? This literally never happens. Do you ever visit your mall’s arcade (if it has one)? Our mall is lame as fuck. It definitely doesn't have one. What’s your absolute favorite topic to discuss? Mark, lmao. What is your least favorite topic to discuss? Politics. Have you ever been confined to a wheelchair? "Confined" seems like a strong word, but a nurse did give me one at the doctor's office when I massively tore a ligament in my foot and could barely walk at all. If you have a job, who’s your closest friend at work? Don't remind me that I don't have a job. Have you told anyone you love them today? Not yet, but I'm sure I will later. Have you ever worked in an office? No, but I guess that's what I'm going to wind up going for once I'm ready to job-hunt again... It feels sad that I'm actually aiming for the cubicle life now just because my interaction with people would be much more limited than with most other jobs. Who does the grocery shopping in your house? My mom. Do you prefer margarine or butter, and why? I don't even know if I'd recognize the taste difference. Have you ever been in serious trouble at work or school? No. Do you have any strange fears or phobias that you’re embarrassed of? That I'm embarrassed of, no. Can you smell anything right now? No. Have you ever tried coconut water? No. Which Asian country would you like to visit the most? Idk. Maybe Japan? How old were your parents when they got engaged? I have no idea. Have you ever done a first aid course? No. If so, would you be prepared to perform CPR if necessary? No. Have you ever ‘done it’ in a hotel room? No. Just the idea grosses me out. Where is your next vacation? Couldn't tell ya, buddy. Which are better black or green olives? I'm not a fan of black olives, and I won't even TRY green ones. They just look so fucking disgusting to me. Does your car have a backup camera? Mom's doesn't. Have either of your parents ever been in trouble with the law? No. Do you have a preferred brand of bottled water? Essentia. Is your skin more oily, dry, or combination? It's a combination depending on the location. Where did you meet your current significant other? High school band. What kind of house do you wish you lived in? One that's in the woods. What was the last compliment you received from an old lady? I don't have a clue. Do you know how to cut hair? Properly, no. Have you ever had a classmate die? I believe maybe once? If you have a song stuck in your head, what is it? I recently discovered "Foxy, Foxy" by Rob Zombie and it's Good Stuff. Do you tend to space out a lot? Very much so. What people have changed your life for the better? My parents, my psychiatrist, a PHP therapist, Sara, debatably Jason... Have you ever had any kind of dangerous addiction? What’s this addiction? Caffeine, I guess. Are your parents still married, divorced, or split up? Like this decision? They're divorced, and while it sucks for your parents to split up, it's a decision that I definitely approve of given all they ever did was fight when I was growing up. Them staying together would've been very destructive. Have you ever heard of Hollywood Undead? Do you like them? Well yeah, and I like a large number of songs to where I'd consider myself a fan. I actually had a shirt in high school. Has anyone ever called you a coward before? Who called you that? I don't believe so. Are you a Jeffree Star fan? Or no? Do you think he’s awesome/dumb? Honestly, yes. Like he's done dumb shit, but has more than sufficiently apologized for it in my opinion and changed his behavior for the better. I also - astonishingly - like his music quite a bit. As well, his work ethic is fucking INCREDIBLE, like extremely admirable. Has your grandmother ever made you anything? Not including cookies. I don't think so. I don't even think she ever liked me. Do you disgust anyone? Did they tell you that? Why is this, anyways? Not that I know of. When was the last time you cried, and why (if you want to share)? I don't remember, actually. Probably just about life. Who was the last person who was rude to you? *shrug* Do you have a relationship with God? lol no, and even if I believed in him, I wouldn't have a remotely decent opinion of that entity. Is weed legal in your state? No. Have you ever thrown up in class? In kindergarten, yes. What is something that you used to be ashamed of, but now you’re not? As a kid, being a girl, I was so embarrassed by liking Pokemon. Now, I am literally wearing an Eeveelutions shirt and went out in public lmao. I couldn't care less about loving them cuties. Have you ever walked outside in below zero weather? No; I've never experienced those temperatures. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Yes, but I was sitting down. I would be WAY too scared of dropping a baby otherwise. Are a ton of your Facebook friends getting married and having kids now? I legitimately think most of my friends on there already have kids and/or are married/engaged. It's triggering sometimes and was a massive motivator for me taking a break from there. What’s something you believe in that most people don’t? So uh, I hope this doesn't sound insensitive given how it just passed, but I 100% believe the U.S. government was to some extent involved in 9/11. There is an incredible amount of evidence when you do the research. Is there anyone who’s dear in your heart who’s going down the wrong path? I worry about one of my good friends quite a bit. She is horribly addicted to pot (like, she admits it) in a state where it's not legal, and I'm concerned she'll face legal repercussions eventually. She also dates an absolute lowlife asshole, but they've been together for a very long time, and I just worry about how that might damage her later down the road. Do you get enough sleep? God, it never feels like it. What’s something you wish you would have known sooner? That college wouldn't work for me. Like, I dropped out of three. I do NOT want to know the debt I'm in. What’s the next big project you plan to start? Idk. Possibly something for Girt's birthday because Mom really pissed me off and doesn't want to spend *any*thing to help me get something for him. Is that bad on my end? Like she pointed out he knows I don't work, but like... come on. He's my bf, one of my greatest friends ever, and you can't spare anything? I really don't know if that's selfish or not; it's just that if I get him nothing, I will feel like ACTUAL garbage. So making something may just be my only option. I just dunno what... Do you think you were cute in your baby pictures? omg yes, idk what happened Do you remember pre-school? A lot of it, yes. My long-term memory is pretty damn amazing. Would you allow your children to date prior to 16? Yes. Does your town have a farmer’s market? I think so? Which app on your phone do you tend to get the most notifications from? Pokemon GO, lol. How old were you when you met your current best friend? Around 11. What is something you gave up on after many failed attempts? Photography is coming real fuckin close. I've been trying to go somewhere with that for YEARS. Would you rather read a book, or listen to the audiobook? Physically read. I think my attention would stray listening to an audiobook. Do you think tomorrow will be a better day than today? It's possible, idk. I had a doctor's appointment today that absolutely slaughtered my mood, so I feel fucking horrific, but Girt is also coming over today, and I'm sure he'll cheer me up. I won't see him tomorrow, so that's a bummer. With which friend are you most likely to share a secret? Sara. What is the last thing you complained about? It's hot as shit outside. Is there a show you swear that you will never watch? 13 Reasons Why. What was the last topic that you ranted about? Anti-vax bullshit. Who is the most sensitive person that you know? Bitch, me. Have you ever had a tooth (or teeth) pulled? No. What did you do last Halloween? Literally nothing on the actual holiday. :/ Fire drills: Did you ever wish they were real… just once? ... To get out of school, yes. :x What was the last thing that you felt strongly about? I am still positively livid about Texas' "heartbeat bill." Fuck that place and fuck that law. What is one insecurity you have about your body? Um, everything???? What is one part of your body that you are proud of? Nothing????

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''foxy foxy'' by rob zombie

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muffinlance · 4 years

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Hi! Hiniwalay from A Healthy Dose of Forgetfulness here. Dunno if this is the right place to ask, but I’d really like me some constructive criticism? I don’t want to impose. However, I figured that your transcendent writer’s brain has already ran through the expansive multiverse of greater possibility and the only effort left is to verbalize it in a manner that my measly beginner’s wit can fathom.

...How the heck did this post blank, okay time to reconstruct that reply quick.

So! In general, I very much like giving crits. But. I like giving crits to stories aimed at pro markets and writers trying to go pro/who have already made it. Which is a whole 'nother ballgame from fanfiction. I think fanfiction largely benefits from nice friendly happy comments and encouragement, because it has a totally different aim and culture and I have legitimately made grown-ass adults cry with my crits and then had them thank me for it. In general making people cry is not something to be encouraged, and I would never inflict that upon someone who hasn't seen actual examples of my crit style and had a chance to make the informed opinion on whether they really wanted to sign up for this. And I likewise need to check out their style, both at giving and receiving criticism, because just like writing, critiquing has various levels of skill and I will assume people are at "adorable breakable rookie" level until I have concrete proof otherwise.

So. My style of crits is really really good for people serious about getting serious, and I'm super proud everytime one of my crit partners finds success because yay, I helped a little!

But it is not at all a good style for fanfic critiquing.

Also there's a ton of etiquette you'll build up over time with your crit partners in a serious crit community as you find stuff that works for you. I personally specialize in fully complete stories and wide-scale structural issues (I have put in my time in the Basic Editing And Scene-Level-Issues mines and I am not going back), which really isn't so great for fanfic in-progress works.

In conclusion: I am super flattered, but a terrible horrible fit for this request.

#y'all have no idea how many times I've scripted full novel critique notes for finished fics like Embers #but fanfic is really not the place for that #these are works finished and beautiful in their imperfections #and I need to resist the urge to sink my teeth in and shake #writing stuff

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anangelicday-mrwolf · 3 years

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Wolfsbane : Noblesse Fanfic (post-ending)

(previous chapter)

Chapter 33 – Nice to See You at Last, You Rat

“Lady Lunark...?”

The voice could not be softer, but the werewolf warrior jerked as if she were touched by fire.

In turn, she caused an almost identical motion in the young warrior who addressed her.

“Uh... Your order, please...”

She turned her head, doing a terrible job of hiding that she is dreadfully keen on her leader’s mood.

Lunark directed her eyes towards the two rookie warriors, who were just as conscious of her as they stared in waiting.

They happened to be standing in one of Union’s facilities, officially dubbed as “dispository.”

Based on the Union dictionary, “disposal” comes with a definition different from its counterpart in the civilian world.

The process of disposing something does exist, but irredeemable, permanent disposal is a highly rare case in Union.

Because it is Union belief that even the most useless, outdated file or source could one day shine in the future.

For this reason, every file or source deemed “to be disposed of” follows two steps: (1) its online copies are deleted, and (2) it is duplicated into physical, hard-copy format to be disposed-slashed-stored.

And this is when a dispository comes in handy.

Although she was once an elder of the Union, Lunark could not remember the last time she was at a dispository.

She was back to her main task: discovering and shutting down Union’s facilities, especially those that were in possession of Crombell.

She remembered how she could only suck her thumb as she came across one facility after another already shut down by someone else.

However, for once she landed upon a facility with its doors locked, not sealed for good.

Which is why the three young warriors assigned for today’s mission seemed clueless about what to do.

“First we must get rid of all evidence that could hint our presence. Judging by the location and the order of shutdown for each of the facilities we ran upon, the rat who had been ahead of us all this time will be here. So let’s get ready for our guest.”

The warriors immediately got busy, and so Lunark was given time to get engrossed in her thoughts.

Her reasons were hammering her head that she should not let herself get distracted when she is outside for business, but her head was beyond her control.

She could not help but recall once again the conversation she had prior to this trip.

*****

In spite of the invasion by Union’s weapons against noble heads of clans and failure in initial activation of QuadraNet, werewolves regained peace.

Or rather, they could shake off the confusion, which unfortunately did not apply to everybody.

For instance, a certain werewolf who ended up thwacking her human crush’s lips with hers was still very far from peace.

The problem was that she had to make it so obvious that something was bothering her, and wherever she went she made the occupants tiptoe with nervousness.

In the end, Muzaka summoned her in privacy for a talk.

“Are you really planning to zip your mouth for good?”

“...I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about, my lord.”

“Playing pretend, are we? Well, I should’ve known, based on your atmosphere for the past few days.”

Her eyes were sore, and her tongue was tied. However, her head had never been nimbler.

‘What do I do? Did he notice that I’ve feelings for Frankenstein?’

Lunark was aware that Muzaka does not take kindly the relationship between human and wolfkind. She would not be surprised to find out that he was outright opposed to the idea.

And she would rather make herself Maduke’s stepdaughter than to have Muzaka look into what lies in her heart.

Plus, she knew Muzaka would rather give Maduke a peck on his face than to offer his blessing for her and Frankenstein.

“Is it because of Frankenstein?”

And just like that, Lunark started to wonder if she should start calling the dead werewolf daddy.

Muzaka smirked at how Lunark’s face turned stony.

“Honestly, it’s not that hard to guess. There were only a very few changes in our land lately. Union’s invasion. That blondie’s visit. And trouble with the QuadraNet. But since that blondie happened to have gone around the time you changed, anybody would be able to guess he did something to you. So, is it because of him?”

Despite knowing that silence is definitely not the remedy right now, Lunark could not utter a sound.

Muzaka, on the other hand, was quite unfazed by her silence, which made her question whether she should take it as a good sign.

“I’m sorry, but I say no.”

Muzaka yielded what Lunark had been predicting from him all this time, although the fact that she saw this coming did not stop her mind from crumbling to pieces, to the very bottom of her stupefied body.

“I know I don’t get to play a vote in your relationship. And it’s not like I have power to officially ban you from a relationship. But if I dare give an advice, I do not think this is recommended, Lunark. And I’m sure you know why I can’t say yes. Racial difference serves as no bars in love. I truly loved Eileen, and Ashleen was a gift like no other. To me, they were my entire world.”

Lunark could feel her heart throb as she watched how Muzaka spoke of their names without the slightest flinch.

She could not imagine how many rakes in heart and how much the magnitude of pain he would have gone through until his own family’s names turned mellifluous upon his lips.

Which is why on the other hand, she felt guilty as hell. She actually made Muzaka bring out his deceased family.

“However, our story did not meet a happy ending. Yes, there were bastards that intentionally set fire upon our path. But it does not change the fact that our story is a masquerade of blood, tears, and death.”

Muzaka’s voice remained as placid as it was, but Lunark could not even dare make a face that she wanted to comfort him.

“And as far as I know, I am the starting point of our kind’s taboo regarding relationship with humans. It’s been alive ever since my first era of reign. And I do not wish to see you suffer even little by eyes and ears against relationship with humans.”

“My lord...”

This time Lunark spoke; she did not want to keep her mouth relieved of its duty for the rest of their meeting.

Nonetheless, she could not manufacture any sound afterwards.

“And I have a practical reason as well. As you’d know, Frankenstein is in no situation to get involved in a relationship. Let’s be frank here – and I’m not trying to accuse you – you don’t think you can strike up a good relationship with him at this moment, do you?”

Lunark’s chest seized even harder; this time Muzaka sounded much more legitimate.

“And it looks to me that your feelings are already taking effect upon you. Need I remind you, you’re a warrior – the most influential one, next only to Garda. You should know that you have tons of work allocated to you, and I believe you’re smart enough not to make yourself a hindrance in our kind’s pathway due to unrequited love. However, should you make yourself a hindrance because of your feelings, I must take proper measure as your lord.”

Muzaka sounded strict, stern, pulling down Lunark’s head even further towards the ground.

Lunark even felt dizzy because his words were as veritable and unbreakable as they could be.

The only reply she could produce was a confirmation, a gratitude, and a promise to be careful.

Her reply was halfhearted, but he would anticipate her to stay true to her words.

And she knew that. She knew that awfully well.

*****

Now that she returned to her field work, she could see that Muzaka was right.

She happened to be agonizing over her feelings at the very scene where she is supposed to get bustling.

She virtually scolded, slapped, and slammed her head to knock it off. She recognized the problem, and she wanted to fix it.

Alas, an elephant is bound to dance in one’s head the more they try not to think of it.

‘Frankenstein... What would you tell me if you figure out what’s with me?’

Would he poke fun at her with that oh-so-impish face, making a condescending show of how he did not expect her to fall for him?

Or would he snap at her that he will have none of her feelings whatsoever?

Lunark could only roll her eyes in her shoes, hopelessly tied to her heart racing to the far end away from her head. That was when the new warriors returned to her.

“Lady Lunark...”

“We just finished the job.”

“Now what should we do?”

Lunark barely managed to hide her wince and answered them.

“Now let us wait. Brace yourselves, all of you. It could take us hours, days, or weeks until we get what we want. But we are not leaving empty-handed. This time we will catch that rat still going about and nipping away what should be our duty.”

Lunark regained her stance as a senior warrior, tall and proud and authoritative.

The new warriors, overwhelmed by her posture, bowed their heads in mixture of anxiety and motivation.

“Now, positions, everybody. You know what to do.”

The three werewolves sang “understood” in synchronization before they jumped into the air, and Lunark followed suit, sneaking into the corner of the dispository that provides the best view of the entire space.

She wished, however, that they would get to stay as long as possible.

She knew that there is no good in taking so long until they could leave.

Yet she wanted to return as late as possible; otherwise she would get to meet Frankenstein again rather too soon.

Lunark grit her teeth in the lowest volume she could pull off, feeling how her lips would boil with heat every time she thought of him.

Sadly for her, it turned out that Lady Luck was certainly not on her side for the day.

She could hear clicks of heels, drawing nearer and growing bigger every second.

In reaction, her muscles tensed with automatic alertness.

After she waited to make out the profile of someone who had been ruining werewolves’ tasks all this time, she got to stare at and scan from head to toe the said someone.

Then suddenly, the visitor’s head violently rotated to a corner of the dispository, and Lunark’s eyes enlarged as she reminded herself who happened to be hiding there.

Bam! Came a thundering noise and a groan of pain.

“What are you? Who do you think you are to spy on me? Well, doesn’t matter. I don’t know how you found me in this place, but you saw my face. Which means you just earned yourself a death sentence.”

Clenching the least competent warrior in the room by the throat, the unknown figure sliced the air with her other hand.

Thud!

Dust and wind were whipped up one more time, along with the impact from Lunark’s feet, when she jumped in just in time to stop a potential carnage.

“And who do you think you are to lay that filthy paw of yours on our warrior? I hope you’re ready for your consequence.”

The woman’s eyes twitched, in clear recognition of the former 5th Elder.

“Nice to see you at last, you rat. You might wanna call your parents right now; you won’t be going home tonight.”

As Lunark bickered, Helga did not even cringe, instead squinting her eyes in a way her eyeballs would bulge out with hostility.

(next chapter)

At last, Muzaka noticed lol. And at last, Lunark found Helga. I may be the writer, but I feel kind of bad for throwing Lunark into two troubles at once. I really wish I can write something fluffy for her very soon! By the way, “dispository” is my creation for this fic. There is a reason why I came up with this facility; however, I will save the reason why for later, for as of now it could serve as a spoiler. Please stay tuned to find out why!

#korean webcomic #korean webtoon #fanfic #noblesse #frankenstein #lunark #frankensteinxlunark #wolfsbane

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bigskydreaming · 5 years

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IMO, realistically Dick would have been the first one to reach out to Jason upon hearing he was back, for the exact same reasons he took a chance on Damian as Robin (which Bruce very likely wouldn’t have), and he took a chance on trusting Raven and forming the new Teen Titans to stop Trigon after the Justice League had already turned her away because demon energies mumble mumble, and look I’m just saying -

Dick Grayson is the guy who takes chances on people. Who gives them the benefit of the doubt. Who risks big for even the possibility of having his faith in people justified.

The only reason he didn’t do that with Jason, and help ease the way towards Jason reconciling with the family...

IS BECAUSE DC SPENT YEARS ACTIVELY NOT WANTING JASON RECONCILED WITH THE FAMILY.

Keeping Jason at odds with the rest of the Batfamily was absolutely a CHOICE DC made, deliberately and consciously. So like....instead of looking to shitty interactions that make EVERYONE involved look out of character, to use as inspiration for Dick and Jason’s interactions in fics that otherwise are more than happy to disregard canon anyway.....

I’m just saying, instead of writing Dick as backing up Bruce’s caution and disapproval towards Jason, what if instead you look to the very very very well established pattern of Dick trusting and being close with people his father definitely doesn’t approve of and is wary of, like....idk, pretty much all the Titans at one point or another, plus a bunch of the Outsiders, plus the considerable number of criminals and antiheroes he’s managed to make nice with over the years, and like...tbh, off the top of my head, the only person I can think of who both Bruce and Dick don’t like that much is Ollie? LMAO. That’s it. And in Dick’s case, that probably has a lot to do with the fact that Ollie’s never been a huge fan of his either.

*Shrugs* Anywho, have Dick and Jason at odds after the latter’s return if you wanna write them that way, I mean, whatever, but this guy who is all stiff and uncomfortable and judgmental around Jason with no other reasoning given that like, Bruce doesn’t trust him or approve and thus neither does Dick, like....what???

(And yeah, I know he was written that way in Brothers in Blood, but again - see the bit where DC didn’t WANT Jason getting along with the family, and also....Jason showed up in town in Dick’s costume and started getting Dick a reputation of murdering people, and Dick happens to care quite a bit about how he’s seen as a vigilante, given that he’s always put a ton of effort into being approachable and such, and then Jason started poking directly at Dick’s still fairly recent and HUGE scab aka his feeling responsible for Blockbuster’s death....like, there are plenty of reasons why in that particular story arc, Dick wasn’t falling over himself to be like welcome home little brother who had a million and one opportunities to approach me and THIS is the way you chose to do it. And like...none of them have anything to do with Bruce).

But like, bottom line....behind the scenes decisions always play a huge role in these things....and make no mistake, originally DC brought Jason back to be a Batfamily antagonist. That was their Big Idea there. He wasn’t intended to occupy the angry Robin niche, DC wanted someone to fill the ‘fallen from grace’ Robin niche....until they eventually realized no most people wanted Jason as a good guy or at least antihero and not pitted against his family and they took advantage of the reboot to do that.

Like there’s a reason that Brothers in Blood and Outsiders were pretty much the ONLY time Jason and Dick interacted after his return up until Battle for the Cowl, and that’s because the majority of Nightwing writers didn’t WANT to use Jason when it meant having to have him and Dick dramatically at odds with no chance of anything other than that.

Like....the very specific reason that people writing Dick just mindlessly backing up Bruce’s stance towards Jason in fics with no dissent, like the reason this drives me up a wall isn’t even actually because of my uh...well documented opinion that they were closer before Jason’s death than is usually assumed. No, like even without that, that characterization for Dick completely fails to take into account that for a good twenty years, Dick was DELIBERATELY characterized as the guy who took chances on the very people Bruce wouldn’t.

That Bruce himself was characterized as saying the thing that he was most proud of Nightwing for and why he felt he’d become a better version of what he’d always wanted Batman to be, is because Dick had never lost his ability to trust in people even after being let down....because his trust was never based in naïveté but was rather a conscious CHOICE not to let the reasons he’d been given not to trust people actually take away his determination to have his faith in them proven RIGHT.

While DC was leaning into all the stories that highlighted Batman as paranoid and untrusting like The Tower of Babel with his contingencies against all the Justice League and Brother Eye and stuff, for a good fifteen years before Jason’s return....throughout all that time they were intentionally writing Dick as being the polar opposite of Bruce in that SPECIFIC regard. Like, for decades Dick was the guy DC wrote all the other characters turning to when they wanted to COMPLAIN about Bruce’s trust issues or refusal to give someone or something a shot. It legitimately just does not make much sense to simply position him as Bruce’s unquestioning number two in all matters Jason when in most every other matter Dick is the first one to be written challenging Bruce’s decisions.

So many of you guys have spent years writing Dick as the real problem child, unreasonably stubborn and likely to pick a fight with Bruce at the drop of a hat (PARTICULARLY people who write about Bruce and Jason in his years as Robin)....how come THAT characterization only seems to disappear the second Bruce is like “welp, Jason is bad now forever, oh well” huh? And only then for once Dick is like sounds about right to me boss! Like....hmm. Nothing about that seems convenient to anyone?

Like if you’re going to keep one thing in mind about Dick’s character, how about instead of his temper or flightiness or cheery jokes or chipperness or unreasonable stubbornness like....what if instead people focused on a core characteristic like how even as far back as The Judas Contract, one of the Titans’ most iconic and definitive stories....

the Titans only beat Deathstroke after he infiltrated them using Terra as his mole and literally all of them were captured except for Dick....because Dick didn’t have to rescue the others all on his own.

He did it with Joey’s help.

Because pretty much right after the reveal that Terra was a traitor who was working for Slade for as long as they’d known her....Dick chose to take a chance on trusting a complete stranger, with the story then validating his decision to believe the best of this new person instead of compounding the idea they never should have trusted Terra by having Joey turn on them too.

And the fact that the very first new person Dick chose to trust after Terra’s betrayal was Slade’s very own son....that wasn’t a coincidence. That wasn’t dramatic irony.

That was the POINT.

And this core characteristic of Dick’s has been held up time after time after time....so why can’t something like THAT be treated as defining and indicative of him as all these other fanon flaws and attributes that are usually based on a mere handful of panels or issues and then blown wildly out of proportion? How come he can spend so much time being characterized in fics as hot tempered and likely to go off about anything when most of the examples to back that up have to deliberately be pulled from stories of brainwashing or where he’s for other reasons still acting OUT of character by the canon example’s own admission...while characteristics that entire iconic story arcs have HINGED upon go not only unacknowledged....but completely flipped?

You tell me.

#dick has his own opinions ppl #like #this is kinda 90% of his characterization #DISAGREEING WITH BRUCE

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helenarasmussen87 · 4 years

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Writing Asks

This the post where I know no one is going to ask me anyway.

1. Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.

Something that is like a “Oh hey, what happens if we do THIS!” and go from there. Usually ends up having loads of emotions, comfort, angst, introspection, loads of kitchen sink dialogues, not too much action. Families, happy endings.

2. Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

Fluffy stuff and humourous stuff. I am a little too serious for either one and my humour is drier than the desert and very odd. So no.

3. Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole?

Teacher and Student relationships. Necrophilia, abuse of all sorts, underage. Just not my thing. I’ve gotten unable to stomach a lot of grimdark and super dark stuff as I get older so I won’t write it. But go ahead if that’s your thing.

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

Two, since I can’t have more than two on the burner. Learned THAT early on and they’re Terror AU’s One is a fixit, but with health complications and angst. The other is a Modern Day AU which has two professors falling in love after one gets injured and the other worked as an EMT and helps to take care of him and they fall in love.

5. Share one of your strengths.

I can offer insights on what flows and what doesn’t. I can also happily shred my own drafts if they don’t work.

6. Share one of your weaknesses.

Action. I work at it, but it’s not my favourite. Or war writing.

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

“Danny had to turn his head away to hide his smile, because he knew that it was a legitimate concern for Jose. Most of the time, he had jumped into bed with his partners first and then did the mating dance.

Although extremely smart in other aspects, dating and social interactions were always a bit skewed, because he was always second-guessing himself and nervous as hell.

“That’s actually how things work out in these situations. At least it did for me and my ex and for me and Claude.” Danny explained calmly, making Jose nod and take another pull of his slurpee.

“So what do I do? Like is there a time when I bring up the possibility of us sleeping together?” Jose asked, the words slightly mumbled as he chewed on the straw.

“You don’t bring it up. You’ll just know when the time is right for it to happen. Sex isn’t what a relationship should be built on. Yes, it’s nice and it’s part of it, but it’s not the end all to be all. Trust me on this. It will happen if it’s meant to happen.” Danny explained, hoping that he had put it all in the plainest and simplest terms he could for his friend.

I am proud of this because it was majorly borrowing from life and I can see the difference from earlier writing.

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

“Sergio laughed shortly. “I’ve already done enough of that, and look at where it’s gotten you. Yeah, legally I hold claim over you. I could make the club buy out your contract and sit at home all day, having litter after litter.”

Iker’s blood froze at that and he turned to look at Sergio to see if he really meant it, but Sergio’s face gave nothing away.

“Or I could sign your rights to the club and let them sell you wherever or to whomever. Take you out of Spain, or sell you to Getafe or Malaga. All of these things I could do. The club actually did bring it up at that meeting you didn’t show up for.”

Iker blinked, his hands going numb as Sergio’s wickedly honed words hit home.

“I’m not telling you this to hurt you. Or make you feel indebted. I’m telling this to you because you’re this close to losing your spot and that’s the last thing I want for you. But there’s only so much I can do for you.”

He sighed and looked at Iker dead in the eyes.

“I miss him too, Iker. I miss Antonio every fucking day. And I miss you.”

Iker swallowed hard as Sergio abruptly turned and left, slamming the front door and freeing him from the command so suddenly that Iker fell onto the couch and curled up in it.

He had no energy to do anything else. Not when he was all too aware he’d fucked up and fucked up big and needed to fix it.

Borrowed from life again and it was more of a dialogue that needed to be had when you finally realize how much you fucked up and how much you need to stop coasting and make it right.

9. Which fic has been the hardest to write?

ALL OF THEM! Kidding. I want to say the one I’m working on right now. I was lucky enough I got a ton of help fleshing it out. I can see the end of the 1st chapter and I am having a hell of a time writing Goodsir’s chunk. He’s turned out more emo and romantic than I was expecting.

10. Which fic has been the easiest to write?

The QuiObi prompts for the prompt week. Took me like two hours to knock them off and post.

11. Is writing your passion or just a fun hobby?

Its a passion and a hobby. It helped me through a lot of rough patches and keeps me sane.

12. Is there an episode above all others that inspires you just a little bit more?

Mostly music or a change in life. I tend to write when everything is in flux with me.

13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?

Just write. Worry about editing later. Once you have something on the paper, fixing it up becomes easier.

14. What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across?

Edit as you write. You don’t get anything done.

15. If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose?

Oooh. I think it’s a toss up between my Qui-Gon/Jango fic in a pastoral setting where they have put their pasts behind and are farmers on Concord Dawn. Or the Werewolf fic I wrote during my RPF phase.

16. If you only could write one pairing for the rest of your life, which pairing would it be?

Bloody hard. I would have to say Fitzier (Commander Fitzjames/Captain Crozier)

17. Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

Depends. Sometimes I go straight from beginning to end and sometimes I end up writing the middle and not figuring it out until later.

18. Do you use any tools, like worksheets or outlines?

Outlines. I have notebooks I jot down point form notes about the characters and the plot.

18. Stephen King once said that his muse is a man who lives in the basement. Do you have a muse?

Mine is a librarian or an alchemist trying to figure out answers and how things fit in.

19. Describe your perfect writing conditions.

A good playlist. Alone, in my room.

20. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

I revise it along the way when I sit down to write. Then before I post, I give it a once over to make sure it flows and makes sense.

21. Choose a passage from one of your earlier fics and edit it into your current writing style. (Person sending the ask is free to make suggestions).

All my old fics are honestly gone so I’m skipping this one.

22. If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why?

Honestly? The Duo and Heero one I wrote about them being in an abusive relationship where they split up, then got back together again. I was again writing from life, and I have seen couples who did overcome it, but looking back, I think I should have written it that they separated and went their own ways.

Keep in mind I was very young when I wrote this, and I was in an abusive relationship myself and didn’t realise it at the time. He hit me once, apologised and never did it again. But he did end up manipulating me, gaslighting me, and emotionally abusing me until I finally had enough and left.

23. Have you ever deleted one of your published fics?

Yes. Loads of them due to me not wanting to finish them. Or the hosting sites going under.

24. What do you look for in a beta?

Someone who is honest, someone who knows the way I write, and has suggestions to fix those said things. But someone who is themselves is the best. Because they know what they want. Same here.

25. Do you beta yourself? If so, what kind of beta are you?

I do, simply due to lack of steady betas. Flow and story telling, but I also look for syntax and formatting as well as grammar. I will miss typos, so I run spell-check too. I mostly use a mental rubric. Teacher training.

26. How do you feel about collaborations?

I haven’t had a successful one due to the second person always deciding that they can’t follow through or up and disappearing. So I don’t do them.

27. Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

Oh my God! I read so much and so many different people that I can’t pinpoint three. I usually end up reading a fic or two, so I can’t say why I read the author.

28. If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

I haven’t done that. I do admit to having inspired by fics. I wouldn’t ever presume to do that. It just feels like a snub.

29. Do you accept prompts?

Not really. I can’t tailor write stuff consistently.

30. Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant?

Oh always! I end up liking the characters that somehow never make it until the end. And in the Terror, unless you want to write angst all the time, you HAVE to ignore canon. And I mean BOTH the book and the show, since the book is nasty. The show is amazing, but oh my god is it depressing.

31. How do you feel about smut?

Yes damned please!

32. How do you feel about crack?

Depends on how well it’s done. Sometimes it is needed. Sometimes it’s like “Why?”

33. What are your thoughts on non-con and dub-con?

A bit tricky. I don’t mind non-con, but it has to be handled well. Dub-con, especially in A/B/O happens within context and it is usually dealt with. So I can tolerate that more than the first. Outright abuse, no.

34. Would you ever kill off a canon character?

Yes. Not often thought. But yes. I usually try and keep as many alive as I can though.

35. Which is your favorite site to post fic?

AO3, its a wild place and I love it for that reason.

36. Talk about your current wips.

It’s an AU where two professors that live in the same building and work in different faculties get thrown together and start to get to know each other. Due to circumstance, one gets injured and the other kind of volunteers to help take care of him, where they fall in love. The others in the vicinity do also. There’s Canadian shenanigans and baking.

37. Talk about a review that made your day.

That they really liked how I wrote Frank Randall and would like to see more with his son, an OC I created for the story.

38. Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?

I either delete, or give a generic reply and leave it. I’ve got stuff to do.

40. Write an alternative ending to [insert fic title] (or just the summary of one).

Nope. It just doesn’t work for me.

*somewhere I fucked up on the number but here you are*

Whoever wants to do this.

#about the author #asks #memes

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canyouevencauseicant · 5 years

Text

3000 (Peter Parker Imagine)

Request: “Hi love! can you please do a peter x reader headcanon where the reader is Pepper’s niece and she and peter babysit Morgan? thanks!”

Word count: 4.4k

Your phone began to ring just as you finished eating your dinner. When you picked it up, you saw Pepper Potts’ picture lighting up the screen. You loved your aunt with all your heart, and your little cousin even more so.

You knew it had been so ridiculously hard for them since the loss of Tony Stark, your uncle. You were also having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that you would never seen him again. You missed his sarcastic wit, his teasing nature, everything. He was your favourite uncle and you his favorite niece. “But I’m your ONLY niece!” You’d always exclaim when he called you his favourite, giggling slightly as he ruffled your hair.

You were several years older than Morgan, and Tony got a lot of practice for real fatherhood when he babysat you when you were little. Then, suddenly, he became a dad too. However, at that point, the Blip had occurred, and you had been wiped from all existence. You were brought back to life five years later, and suddenly found that you had a little cousin. You had finally gotten a chance to meet Morgan and the two of you clicked. You felt closer than cousins; to you, Morgan was like a little sister, and you were like a big sister to her. She loved you like a big sister and called you that whenever you were around.

Morgan was mature for her age and was curious beyond belief, and just like her dad, she liked to build things. She seemed to have grown up so much in the few months since Tony’s death.

But she was not quite yet grown up enough to be left alone.

“Hey, (Y/N), honey! It’s Aunt Pepper. I was just wondering if you’d be able to come babysit Morgan for a couple hours. I have some deadlines coming up so unfortunately, work’s gonna run a bit late today.”

Pepper sounded a bit stressed out, but you were really happy to hear from her.

“Hey, Aunt Pepper! Yeah, of course, I haven’t seen you nor Morgan in a little while! When did you want me to head over?” You replied, already beginning to assemble your things as you spoke with her over the phone.

“The sooner, the better. You know Morgan, she’ll wreak havoc trying to build things out of any item she can get her hands on,” Pepper sighed, allowing for a moment to pass before she quietly said, “She’s just like her father. Just like Tony.”

“He would be so proud of her, Aunt Pepper. Of both of you,” you said gently, knowing Pepper was hurting, “I know he’s proud of his girls.” To that, you received a small but genuine laugh from Pepper. You were glad even for that. “Anyways, well, I’ve got all my stuff ready so I’ll head right over,” You stated, slinging your backpack into place as you prepared to leave.

“Thank you so much, (Y/N). I appreciate your help,” Pepper replied, her voice sounding relieved. She paused for a moment before continuing, a slightly teasing tone creeping into her voice, “You know, you should invite Peter to come help you.”

At that, you audibly choked on your own spit and flew into a coughing fit while Pepper laughed over the phone. Pepper knew that you had a huge, HUGE crush on the young man behind Spider-Man’s mask. Peter was also like a son to Pepper, so she could tell that he also had a pretty huge crush on you, too. With both of you being so close to her (and you and Peter having been best friends with one another for years), Pepper was eager for the two of you to finally reveal your feelings for one another and start dating already.

Even Tony knew and constantly teased Peter for his crush on you (and you for your crush on him) before the Snap. However, since Tony’s death, you had seen very little of Peter and you knew your uncle’s death had hit him hard. Peter and Tony had been close and Tony had died mere minutes after being reunited with the web-slinging teen and yourself on the battlefield at the Avengers facility.

You could still hear the sounds of Peter’s sobs and see the complete shock and grief on his face as Tony passed away. You had wept alongside your aunt and Peter, and you could still remember how Peter had clung onto you and buried his face in the crook of your neck as he sobbed, clutching you tightly as you wept into his chest and held him just as tightly. Had the moment not been caused by such grief and loss, your heart would’ve been racing and your head spinning so fast you would’ve been too dizzy to stand at being held so closely by Peter.

Something had shifted between you and Peter, especially after that moment out on the battlefield where you both wept in each others arms. Suddenly, the two of you were much, much closer. And given that the two of you had been dead for five years without even realizing it, as well as the fact that you both had to deal with the confusion and difficulties with adjusting to this new world, it was safe to say that you both felt as though there were some unspoken thoughts and feelings that floated between the two of you. Even at Tony’s funeral, you had been by Peter’s side for almost the whole thing, and during that time, you had felt Peter’s hand slip into yours, holding your hand tightly. You squeezed back, trying to comfort him and let him know you weren’t going to let go. And you didn’t.

“P-Pepper, agh! Oh, come on!” You just barely got out, still choking slightly on your own spit. Once she had managed to stop laughing, Pepper spoke gently, “Come on, (Y/N). You haven’t seen Peter in a while and I know for a fact that he misses you. Just as much as you miss him. I’m going to ask him over. He loves Morgan too much to refuse. I won’t tell him you’re there, I’ll leave that as a surprise for him. Thanks again for your help, (Y/N), honey. I love you. Let me know if Morgan gives you any trouble, and let me know when you and Peter finally start dating!”

Before you could even start to think of a reply, Pepper had hung up on you, leaving the dial tone ringing in your ear. You just stood there in shock, trying to comprehend everything that had just been said and what was going to happen. As you put your phone away, you couldn’t help but feel your cheeks turn bright red at the mention of you dating Peter. ‘God, I wish...’ you inner voice sighed, and you had to ignore the pang in your heart as you headed out towards Pepper’s house.

*TIME SKIP*

It took you close to an hour to get to Pepper’s house, but when you got there, you couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous. You would be seeing Peter for the first time in a while, but you figured you still had a little while before he got here. So, you jogged up to the front door and knocked the secret knock you had established with Morgan a little while ago, a special knock to let her know it was you.

However, it wasn’t Morgan who opened the door.

Standing there in front of you was none other than Peter Parker himself. The brown curls you loved running your fingers through when he napped, the warm, brown eyes that made your heart flutter, the lips you had dreamed of kissing way more times than you care to admit, everything about him was so familiar and comforting to you. This was the young man you were head-over-heels in love with.

You had to stop yourself from gasping out loud as you saw him, but before you knew it, you had practically flung yourself at him and threw your arms around him, all your nervousness from before flying out the window at the sight of your best friend.

“Peter! Oh, my God!” You exclaimed, hugging him so tightly you were sure he’d have difficulty breathing, “Oh, my God, you’re here! You’re already here! I haven’t seen you in ages, I’ve missed you so much!”

Peter was in complete and utter shock from the moment he opened the door. There you were. Standing there, in front of him. For a good few moments, Peter legitimately thought he was dreaming. Were you really here? Could this be true? You looked more beautiful than ever, and Peter felt his heart rate skyrocket in a second, heat crawling into his cheeks. The girl he loved and his best friend was right there in front of him. Your (Y/C) eyes glistened with joy and surprise as the took him in, and then before he knew it, you were tightly hugging him. His heart just about jumped out of his chest as you hugged him, and he quickly hugged you back just as tightly, resting his head in the crook of your neck, taking in the familiar scent he had come to love and associate with happiness and peace over the years; your scent.

“(Y/N)... (Y/N), is it really you?” Peter asked, still in disbelief as he held you even tighter to him. You nodded your head as you let him go for a moment, leaning back to look him in the eyes, a huge smile on your face, “It’s me! Aunt Pepper told me she’d ask you over to babysit, too! I didn’t expect to see you until later but, man, I’m glad to see you right now! I haven’t seen you in ages! How have you been? I’ve missed you so much, Parker!”

You punched him in the arm playfully, causing Peter to chuckle slightly. “I missed you, too, (Y/N). Much more than I’d care to admit. I...” At this, Peter dropped his gaze from your face, the smile disappearing from his lips, “I’ve been better. I-I, I just...” He sighed, running a hand through his hair, “Everywhere I go, I see his face. I just really miss him.”

You immediately knew that he was talking about Tony. You could see his eyes were red around the rims, and the dark circles around his eyes were darker than you’d ever seen them before. You didn’t notice it right away, but now, it hit you like a ton of bricks; Peter looked exhausted. He looked tired and broken and it hurt your heart to see him this way. You knew he was grieving, but you didn’t know just how badly he was hurting.

“Peter...” You spoke softly, bringing your hand up to cup his cheek gently, ignoring how fast your heart was beating in your chest, “It’s okay. I miss him, too. A lot. It’s okay to feel that way. We both loved him. As an uncle... as a father figure... he was a big part of both of our lives. He saved our lives, and billions of other lives, too. He’s still here with us, Peter.” You moved your hand from his cheek down to chest, resting it lightly over where his heart was, “He lives on here. In your heart. In mine. In the hearts of those who loved him and admired him. He lives on in our memories. I know it sounds super cheesy, but it’s true. Tony never truly left us.”

Peter just watched you carefully as you spoke, and a couple moments after you had finished your small speech, he just took a step forward and hugged you once again, even tighter than before. “How do you always know just what to say, (Y/N)? It’s almost like you can read my mind,” Peter mumbled into your skin, which caused goosebumps to break out over your skin. You just hugged him back once again, chuckling lightly, “I can’t read your mind. I’ve just known you long enough to know you better than you know yourself sometimes.”

“Scary, but definitely true,” Peter chuckled slightly at your response before taking a deep breath in, “I’ve missed you so much, (Y/N). I’m so glad you’re here. Y-You know... I-, It... It feels like there’s been a hole in my chest all this time but now...I- I feel better. Like part of me that’s been missing suddenly returned, somehow.”

Your heart skipped a beat. You were sure of it. Peter’s sudden revelation made you want to melt into a literal puddle on the floor and just scream out in pure joy. You loved him so much and the words that came out of his mouth just about made your chest explode. You were sure your face was a violent shade of red, but before you could tell him about how you felt the same, a sudden shout startled you both.

“(Y/N/N)! You’re here!” Morgan shouted with pure glee as she ran to the door, sprinting around Peter and almost knocking you over as she tackled you into a hug. You let out a small squeal and laughed as you hugged Morgan back, ruffling her hair slightly, “Hey, mini Stark! I haven’t seen you in sooooo long! How have you been?”

“Good! I’ve built a bunch of stuff using spare parts from the microwave! Come on, (Y/N)! Come see!” Morgan grabbed your hand, tugging you into the house. You giggled at the sight of your little cousin’s excitement to show you her projects, and it warmed your heart to know that she wasn’t always hurting at the death of her father. Peter smiled for what felt like the first time in a long time as he watched you follow Morgan down the hall, chatting with her and asking her questions about what she’s been building and how she figured things out.

‘Come on, Peter! Ask (Y/N) out already!’ The little voice in Peter’s head borderline screamed, but he brushed it aside and shook his head to clear his thoughts. He had had a crush on you for as long as he could remember, but he was always afraid to make a move because he didn’t want to ruin the friendship he had with you. You were one of his best and dearest friends. The two of you had had many movie nights, spent many years goofing around and getting to know each other better than any other two people you knew. He knew your darkest secrets, and you knew his. He had fallen in love with you, and he had already lost so many people in his life. He couldn’t bear to lose you, too. He wanted to think that you liked him back, and even though your actions seemed to confirm that, Peter was still too afraid to tell you how he felt, just on the off chance he was misreading the situation.

“Pete, you coming?” You had come back to the front door, smiling gently at the young man as he jerked his head up to look at you, snapping out of his little trance. He smiled back at you as he closed the front door and locked it behind him, “Yeah, I’m coming! Can’t miss Morgan’s explanation of how she built a scale model replica of Mr. Stark’s Iron Man suit using the microwave.”

“Holy crap, she built a replica of his suit just using spare parts from the microwave? Jeez, she really IS Tony’s daughter,” You replied, your eyes wide in surprise. Your little cousin was impressive in her abilities to tinker with random objects and turn them in something else. She really did take after Tony in her intelligence and she had even inherited some of his wit and sarcasm. It made you and Peter laugh as the three of you played together, building small objects out of scrap pieces of metal and teasing each other. The whole time you were all together, you and Peter kept glancing at one other, smiling, looking away quickly while blushing and chuckling slightly whenever you caught each other’s eye.

Morgan had obviously picked up on it, because out of nowhere, she suddenly asked, “Are you boyfriend and girlfriend?”

The question startled both you and Peter. Silently, you cursed Morgan for being so observant, and you also cursed Pepper for inviting Peter over at the same time. Although you were extremely happy to see him, right now, boy, were you freaking out. Both you and Peter turned bright pink and looked at each other before you both stuttered out some half-formed answers.

“I-I, We-We’re not-”

“I- I never, ah,-”

“W-We haven’t-”

“If you’re not boyfriend and girlfriend, then why do you guys always look at each other?” Morgan continued, cutting off yours and Peter’s stuttering. A few moments of silence passed as both you and Peter fought with your emotions. If you were going to reveal your feelings, you certainly hadn’t imagined it happening like this, and neither had Peter.

When neither you nor Peter came up with an answer, Morgan spoke up once more, her voice suddenly soft, “Is it like how mommy and daddy love each other 3000?”

At that, your heart almost shattered in your chest. You looked over at Peter and decided to bite the bullet. Might as well say something to give Morgan an answer that she could understand. So, you simply smiled at Morgan gently before nodding, “Yes. Exactly, Morgan. Just like how your mommy and daddy love each other 3000. Peter and I love each other 3000, too. And we both love you 3000.”

This answer seemed to satisfy Morgan, because she smiled and replied, “I love you 3000, too!” Then, she proceeded to get up and walk over to her mini replica of her dad’s suit and began playing with it, humming some tune to herself happily as she did so. Your cheeks had turned bright red as you slowly turned back to face Peter, who was staring at you in shock but had a goofy little smile on his face.

“Y-You love me 3000, (Y/N)?” Peter asked you quietly, his heart pounding a million beats per minute. ‘Shit!’ the little voice in your head shouted, ‘(Y/N), what have you done?! He must’ve caught on that you saying you loved him was your genuine answer!’ That made you start to panic slightly; what if he didn’t really feel the same? What if you just screwed everything up for you and him? Was this seriously happening?

You turned an even darker shade of red as you put your head down, mumbling pathetically, “O-Oh, shut it. N-No, I-I just... I, I mean...” You turned even darker red, seeing as you trying to argue really wasn’t going your way. So, you gave in, lamely stating, “Y-Yeah, I-I... I do love you 3000, but I didn’t know how else to answer Morgan’s question, and I-I, I guess I just-”

“I love you 3000, too,” Peter breathed out quickly, his cheeks bright pink and his breathing a bit quicker than before. Peter felt, for the first time in his life, as though he were lighter than air. Today couldn’t have gone any better for him. The girl he was madly in love with actually loved him back.

You were so surprised by this that you looked back up at Peter so quickly that you cricked your neck, your heart beating so violently you were sure he could hear it. You couldn’t believe that what had just happened, well, happened. You had confessed to loving Peter in front of him, and somehow, it turned out that he loved you, too. It was absolutely crazy to you.

Peter was smiling at you, happier than you had seen him in a very long time, and suddenly, you found yourself leaning in towards him. Peter watched your face carefully as he, too, leaned in. Before you knew it, you felt your lips gently meet his in the most delicate kiss you’d ever had in your life.

Electricity coursed through your veins. Your brain almost felt as though it was short-circuiting. You were kissing your best friend, Peter Parker, Spider-Man himself. And what’s more, Peter Parker loved you. He loved you. It was real. This was really happening. Butterflies went wild in your stomach as you deepened the kiss, placing your hands on his chest as Peter brought his hand up to cup the back of your neck.

“Ewwww! Peter and (Y/N) are kissiiiiiiiing!”

Morgan’s exaggerated shout caused you and Peter to break apart, but the two of you couldn’t help but smile before cracking up. The two of you started to laugh harder than you had in months. You both laughed until your ribs hurt, both of you ecstatic by everything that had just occurred.

“Come here, mini Stark! When I catch you, I’m gonna tickle you until you pee your pants!” Peter shouted, jumping up and running after Morgan, who giggled and screamed as she ran away with Peter in hot pursuit. That just made you laugh even harder as you trailed behind, running to keep up with the other two trouble-makers. You and Peter chased Morgan all around the house, laughing and giggling and hitting each other with pillows, using them as shields and long cardboard rolls as swords in imaginary sword fights. Then, Morgan became a superhero, trying to chase and capture you and Peter, the bad guys, as you ran around the house, trying to find somewhere to hide.

After a couple hours, Morgan had gotten really tuckered out. So, you took her upstairs to put her to bed. You read her a story she loved hearing, and as you pulled up her covers and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, she mumbled sleepily, “I love you 3000, big sis.” “I love you 3000, too, Morgan. So does Peter, and your mom, and Happy. We all love you 3000. Goodnight, little sis. Sleep well,” you whispered back, turning off the light and closing the door behind you as Morgan fell asleep.

Your anxiety suddenly crept back up on you as you realized you and Peter would get to talk now. Part of you was convinced that it wasn’t real. What Peter said about loving you was meant in a friendly way. ‘But he kissed you, (Y/N). He kissed you and held you tight. He DOES love you,’ The little voice comforted you, and you just took a deep breath before heading back down to the living room, where Peter was waiting for you.

“Is Morgan asleep?” Peter asked quietly, and you just nodded your head in reply as you sat down next to him on the sofa, “Yup. She was out like a light. Poor thing, we really exhausted her.” “Yeah, we did. But I’m surprised we even managed that, she has so much energy,” Peter chuckled, to which you smiled and nodded in agreement.

A moment of silence filled the room, and you felt the heat creeping back into your cheeks as you suddenly asked, “P-Peter... When you said you loved me, too... did you mean it? I-I mean, did you mean it as more than friends?” Peter looked up at you in slight surprise, his cheeks turning pink again as he nodded slightly, “W-Well, yeah... I do love you. A-And I mean, I really love you. I have for a long time.”

At that, you grinned and pretty much tackled him in a hug, knocking him backwards onto the couch as you started to laugh in sheer happiness. Peter hugged you back and also began to laugh, his heart feeling as though it were about to explode. You loved him back! You really did love him back!

“I love you, Peter Parker. More than a friend. I love you,” You whispered, looking into Peter’s brown eyes as you said those words to make sure he heard you, heard those words you had been waiting years to say. Peter smiled and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, then the tip of your nose, and then your lips before replying, “I love you, too, (Y/N).”

“Wow, I-I can’t believe this is actually happening. Man, it almost... it almost feels too good to be true,” You spoke aloud, voicing your thoughts as you looked down at Peter, “You’re not an illusion or something meant to drive me insane or try to kill me, are you?”

Peter looked up at you with a confused expression before laughing, “No, I’m not an illusion. I’m really here, and I really do love you. Have for some time.”

“Well, then, if you don’t mind, I’d like to kiss you again,” You stated matter-of-factly. Peter just shrugged his shoulders and replied, “Well, I definitely won’t argue with that because I wanna kiss you again, too.” With that, you pressed your lips to Peter’s once again, still in complete disbelief that you were kissing Peter Parker, your best friend of many years. Today had turned out to be a dream come true.

The two of you had gotten exhausted yourselves, chasing Morgan around the house, and before you both knew it, you and Peter had fallen asleep on the couch, intertwined with one another as you both slept better than you both had in months. Both of you were safe, now. Safe and in the arms of someone who truly loved you.

*TIME SKIP*

“(Y/N)? Peter? I’m home!”

Pepper called out, just loudly enough to be heard without waking anybody up. She took off her shoes and locked the front door behind her as she walked into the living room, looking for her niece and her as-good-as-adopted-son. When she got to the living room, she found them both.

(Y/N) and Peter were sound asleep in each other’s arms, curled up together in a way that Pepper could tell that they were probably now aware of each other’s feelings; Peter had one arm underneath your head and the other wrapped around your waist, his lips literally a hair’s width away from your forehead. Meanwhile, you had one arm tucked up against Peter’s chest, the other resting comfortably around Peter’s waist, both of you sound asleep and looking more peaceful than Pepper had ever seen either of you awake.

“I knew it. It’s about time,” Pepper whispered, to nobody in particular. She quickly grabbed a blanket and covered the two young lovers, smiling down at them as she made a mental note to tease them and ask what happened in the morning. She made sure to tell Aunt May and (Y/N)’s parents that they were both safe and that they’d be staying the night, and left it at that. Somehow, Pepper knew that Tony could see this too and that, wherever he was, he was probably saying, “Finally! The two lovebirds, together at last!”

#peter parker imagine #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #spiderman imagine #spider-man imagine #spider-man x reader #marvel #marvel imagine

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gaytoxe · 5 years

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here’s the thing about kaito momota for me: at first, i didn’t really understand his character and saw him kinda just as the bro character that i loved since he was a hero that always looked on the bright side and motivated everyone around him to keep going. little did i know that this motivational ball of sunshine could actually be a lot more complicated than i first thought.

seeing him break down in chapter 4 for a couple times, i realized that it wasn’t just him being mad that one of his friends was being accused.

kaito lies a ton. he’s selfless and would rather be the person others need rather than what he himself needs. his version of a hero is a person that is just like a huge wall or pillar; something that can’t be broken down and doesn’t need repairs no matter what. a person that is full of constant support and motivation that doesn’t need anyone to share their weakness with and doesn’t even have any evidence of weakness. he’s constantly forcing his happiness in the darkest situations for the sake of others, and he barely talks about the negative parts of himself. i mean, we never hear about him missing his grandparents or space since someone always interrupts or an event ends up snatching the spotlight from him. because of his prideful stature and his care for everyone around him, he only ever seems to talk about the good parts of himself and never his flaws.

what flaws does he have, you may ask? it’s quite literally the way he sees a hero and how he is almost all the time.

kaito’s version of a hero doesn’t have weakness, doesn’t show weakness, and doesn’t even experience weakness. a hero that everyone can depend on without depending on anyone else. his version of a “sidekick” is someone that is “weak” in the sense that they have potential but just need someone to help them grow.

so he did just that with shuichi and harukawa. he helped them grow.

when shuichi finally grew stronger, kaito was obviously proud and happy for him, but he also grew envious of how he could solve all the cases thrown at them and find the truth without his help. it’s two-sided.

in chapter 4, when kaito constantly tries to prove that gonta wasn’t the killer, it wasn’t just because gonta was his friend and didn’t seem like someone to kill. it was also because kaito felt weak and inferior. he tried to scramble back up to the top and prove his worth to everyone, but in those efforts, he showed some of his weakness to his sidekick. to him, it’s the worst thing he can ever do as a hero. showing weakness is legally not allowed in his mind, and his inferiority and desperation bled a little from him.

his greatest strength is his greatest downfall, and he wasn’t ignoring shuichi because of him. he was ignoring shuichi because of himself. his weakness that he showed he tried to hide throughout that time for everyone’s sake but mostly shuichi’s.

in chapter 5, kaito ends up being as powerful as ever when he’s about to die. he comforts everyone and dies smiling, content with the fact that he didn’t die to monokuma’s execution. he triumphed as a hero and it really took some fucking guts to be able to stay smiling as his illness ate away at him. just as i said, he was the person everyone else needed him to be and not the person he needed himself to be. his mindset is quite unhealthy. he needs someone to call him out on his bullshit and be willing to help him grow as a person, which is why i ship oumota so much.

one of the reasons why i don’t prefer saimota or harumota more than oumota is the big factor that, in kaito’s eyes, he isn’t legally allowed to show weakness to his sidekicks. shuichi also dangerously idolizes kaito and kaito would most likely end up staying his hero character around him.

however, a shuichi that calls kaito out on his shit and is willing to help him grow? that’s the kind of saimota i want. they don’t have to be rivals; that’s the base need that needs to be set in a relationship. you don’t hide things from each other and rely on each other. nothing is one-sided.

however, harukawa is a very different story. she goes against everything kaito believes in and tries to kill the mastermind at the end despite that not being what kaito wants at all. she makes him comfort her instead of comforting him before his death and figuratively kicks his gravestone by doing everything he doesn’t want her to do. it’s very toxic in my opinion, and the fact that no one brings it up is even worse.

now, kaito believes in everyone. and i mean everyone. even ouma. he clashes with him so much because he believes in him, wants him to prove him wrong and wants to believe that ouma isn’t bad and that he’s a good person. he wants to believe he isn’t anything that he’s saying and he wants to believe that he can help him. he never wanted him to die and he really, truly did care about him.

and, on top of that, he wants to understand him. being the only one to really see how ouma feels probably fueled his pondering of what if and the question of who really was he on the inside the whole time?

kaito sees people for who they are, rather than what they are. even though ouma may be a liar, that doesn’t stop kaito from believing in him as a person, which is shown from the fact that he helps shuichi and harukawa because of the fact that they have the potential to become strong. he sees what they can be and doesn’t give up when he hits a bump in the road. they’re extremely similar in the sense that they both lie and wear masks.

that’s why they complete each other; they call each other out on their shit and therefore help each other grow as better people. besides, they’re the only ones that can keep up with each other’s energy. even with shuichi, i’m sure it’d still work out, but ouma is a better fit for kaito in that he isn’t afraid of telling him when he knows he’s lying about something. kaito isn’t afraid of doing it, either. and they both really do care.

overall, kaito really truly is the embodiment of a hero; he’s just in the first stages of it. he’s slowly acknowledging his issues one by one, but he’s not at his final resolve just yet, and i think he realized that at the end of the day, he really was a hero with his flaws.

no one is perfect, everyone has flaws, and we all need to understand them. that’s just something we need to come to terms with. it’s one thing to know them, but a mark of a real hero is having the confidence to tell people about their problems and let others in to help them become a better person. while kaito isn’t at that point just yet, he would definitely be able to realize it at one point. he might not have been able to realize it quickly, but seeing him grow is a really good experience for me because i can relate a lot to how he feels.

but understanding flaws and letting people in to help fix them is just another chapter of his story; another chapter of kaito momota, luminary of the star’s story. the hero that stayed smiling no matter how he felt and the hero that’s still learning to accept his faults. the hero that really shines as bright as all the stars combined.

kaito really is an interesting character and is a lot more complex than what’s on the surface; it took me quite a while to really understand his character. it’s probably why he’s the only one i can legitimately write. i’m slowly gaining speed on ouma’s character, but there isn’t a single character out there i understand more than kaito.

being able to write his character and see him grow as a person whether it’s because of ouma, all of his friends or his own ponders through my own writing really is a joy to me. he’s a complex character that truly is a hero and that just needs more time to become everyone’s shining star.

i love kaito for his flaws and for his selflessness; i love him for him as an entire character. he is and forever will be my favorite danganronpa character and, of course, my favorite astronaut.

he’s not perfect like he wants himself to be, and he never will be, even if he desires to not be flawed more than anything.

and i’d like to think that, at the end, he realized that exact fact and grew determined to work on his flaws, no matter what; that’s just the kind of person he is. even with his flaws and the difficulties, he’s determined to keep going and help everyone, and that’s exactly the reason why he’s not only my favorite character ever but also why he’s the brightest shining star around.

our flaws are what make us human, and i think kaito fits that saying perfectly.

#kaito momota #danganronpa v3 #ndrv3 #mine #kokichi ouma #shuichi saihara #maki harukawa

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natsubeatsrock · 4 years

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My 10 Favorite Posts, So Far

Well, tomorrow makes 5 years of blogging as natsubeatsrock. It’s been quite a crazy 5 years and I’ve made a number of crazy posts in the time between starting this blog and today. To celebrate I wanted to talk about 10 of my favorite posts over the past five years. This list isn’t necessarily ranked from least to most favorite, but there is one post I can call my absolute favorite.

Let’s go!

Honorable Mention: The Rewrite of Fairy Tail: Part 16 (Lisanna) [originally posted March 27, 2019]

As an honorable mention, I want to shed some light on my favorite post from last year. I started making this post months before the series was on the verge of ending. As I was working on this post and decided to work on rewriting Fairy Tail, I started to rework this series as a defense for keeping Lisanna in the series, as opposed to cutting her. This has been a theme in a lot of the posts I’ve made about Lisanna since a post I made before that one and I do plan to talk about that in the future.

#10. My Incredibly Unpopular Thoughts on: Ships/Zervis [originally posted October 25, 2015]

This is the earliest post in my top 10 and it shows. Around this time two big things happened: I made a post on August 31st called My Incredibly Unpopular Thoughts on: Juvia and the fandom exploded over Zervis, due to the revelations in canon. I intended to make that first post a part of a series and this was too big of an opportunity to pass. I remember that writing this was ridiculously easy for me. In fact, it’s one of the shortest posts for me to draft and upload with its relative size.

While I’m not as proud of how my writing prowess shines in this post, almost everything I’ve said in this post has become my philosophy on ships since posting it. My thoughts on shipping fandoms? Check. My thoughts on canon weight of ships? Check. My wishy-washy feelings over Zervis? Check. For a long time, this was my favorite entry in this series, but we’ll ge tto that soon enough.

#9. Bye, Bye Lucy: Part 4 [originally posted May 20, 2017]

A lot of you may be shocked to see this post on the list. “Bye, Bye Lucy“ was a series of posts I did explaining all of the issues I have with the infamous subset of fanfics that has Lucy get kicked off the Strongest Team in favor of Lisanna, resulting in her leaving Fairy Tail. I had a ton of fun working on this series. So much so, I actually ended up writing a story based on the idea I posit in Part 3 of this series, which I released earlier this month. But, individually, Part 4 is my favorite individual post in the series which focused on the idea of Lucy leaving the guild over the whole situation.

Originally, this whole series was going to be one really long post at just over 10,000 words. However, around the time I was working on the part that would become this post, I realized that these stories fail with each successive plot point important to this trope of story. At this particular point, any stories lose me as both stories inspired by Fairy Tail and as their own type of stories. No good story that I know even tries to play with these tropes has Lucy actually leave the guild, even temporarily.

#8. Why I Still Ship Nali (Even if Most of the Rest of Fandom Doesn’t) [originally posted March 1, 2020]

I didn’t want to add too many posts from too recent on this list. As much as I think my current writing is my most consistent writing, it would be hard to say that too many of my posts now are at the same level as many of the posts coming up on this list. But, I’m honestly glad that I made this post, especially considering some of the things surrounding its creation.

About three months into my blog, I made a post called “What I Need to Stop Shipping Nali (and why I still do)”. Around the time I was going to post it, I guess someone made a post questioning why people would still ship Nali. It’s become one of my least favorite posts and I’ve felt it desperately needed to be updated for a while. I decided to tackle an issue I’ve had seen in much of fan interpretations with Nali: doing nothing past Edolas with Nali. I wrote the first draft out months ago and waited for a good opportunity to type it out. When I got the hate messages, that felt like as good a time as any. Speaking of which...

#7. My Response to Anon-san [originally posted March 31, 2016]

A bit of backstory may help with this one. I posted “My Incredibly Unpopular Thoughts on: Lisanna” on Easter that year. I check my phone coming out of my church’s night concert and I got the two messages I respond to in this post. When I first saw I got messages, I was worried because that was the first time I ever got negative anon messages. But when I read them, I knew I needed to talk about this as my 3,000th post on this blog - a milestone I was on the cusp of approaching when I got the messages.

While I like the precedent my response seemed to set for my dealing with this type of stuff, the reason this post is here that I legitimately love the messages I was responding to. Every now and then, I read them to myself just to remind myself they exist. I’m not even sure why I got them in the first place. They don’t even seem terribly connected to that Lisanna post. While complaining about fandom has been something I’m apt to do for a number of reasons, I can’t imagine which post got on their “nevers”. But believe me when I say that I am feeling very cooling about the fact that I did.

#6. My Incredibly Unpopular Thoughts on: Nalu [originally posted July 9, 2016]

I’m sure this one isn’t much of a shock too many of you. Around the time I made this post, the “anti-Nalu“ community was very different from how it is now. I had made a couple of posts about some of the issues I had with the ship and its fandom, but nothing on this scale. As a part of Fairy Tail month, I figured should try to explain everything I saw wrong with both.

Even as I wanted to do this and made plenty of similar posts before this, the thought of backlash terrified me. I made sure to set it up to post when I knew I’d be away and wouldn’t be able to see how it was received. When I finally did see the responses to this post, all of them were positive and from people who agreed with me. It’s become my favorite post in the series and still seems to serve as a great primer for people who don’t ship Nalu.

Though I’m kind of sad that a lot of the stuff I talked about in that post regarding the development of Nalu and fandom habits haven’t changed almost four years since I first posted it. When I went to make the sequel for this post, I was shocked how little fandom changed and how stuff inside and outside of canon seemed to embolden fandom to be worse about other actions over abour 18 months. Though, I didn’t hate Nalu when I made this post, even as I stopped wanting to ship it around that time.

#5. Opinion I’ll Probably get Stoned For #100 [originally posted April 29, 2016]

I really have to get back to making these. “Opinions I’ll Probably get Stoned For” was the series I was known for starting less than two months into making this blog. It’s a series where I drop spicy takes ranging from Sweet Bell Pepper to California Reaper. I’ve gotten into it with fans over more than a few of the posts in this series. However, my favorite of the series is one of the longest editions in the series.

Months before posting this, I remember seeing one of my favorite Graytear bloggers get into trouble with Gruvia shippers. One point brought up that particularly pissed me off was the moment that Gray was about to used Iced Shell against Silver. According to the Gruva shipper, the fact that the panel remembering Juvia is bigger than the panel remembering Ultear showed enough of Mashima’s priorities. This argument literally made me sick to my stomach. For months, I’d privately joke that this proved the exact opposite: Gray went through with Iced Shell because he remembered Juvia.

To celebrate hitting the milestone of 100 posts in that series, I decided to make a longer version of the series and explain my thoughts in depth. As soon as I had the idea, I knew that had to be the one. My favorite thing about this post is that, despite clarifying that I’m not terribly serious about this argument twice in the post, I actually got blocked by a Gruvia fan over this post. I guess they didn’t see it as that funny of a joke. Weird how that works.

#4. Nali Week: Scars and Unkept Promises [originally posted July 24, 2016]

Every once in a while, someone will make the remark to the effect of “People should stop complaining about the ships they don’t like and make stuff for the ships they do like”. Thank goodness no one has actually said that in regard to my posts. As much fun as I’ve had over the years complaining about the stuff I don’t like in Fairy Tail and its fandom, I do make a point to talk about the stuff I do like and why every now and then. While the series was running, ship weeks usually meant meta posts from me and this is my favorite of them.

This post was born from my own musings about how the anime dealt with Natsu and Lisanna’s relationship. I wanted to talk about its handing through the perspective of Lisanna being an important person Natsu lost and how that works with his desire to see Igneel again. The big moments I draw on is his promise in episode 75 where Lisanna asks Natsu to save her if she ever gets lost and their reunion in episode 79.

The perspective I took in that post is one I don’t really take a lot. I’m not arguing against an idea a lot of people in fandom agree with. I’m not even really arguing that my perspective is the correct perspective. I’m explaining the thought process that Natsu, as I interpret him, has regarding someone he cares about. The stuff I talked about in this post has become part of my interpretation of Natsu and traces of it can be seen in a lot of the posts I’ve made since. We have to bring Nali Week back.

#3. An Open Letter to the Nalu Fandom [originally posted October 1, 2017]

I love satire as a rhetorical tool. I love taking an idea I disagree with to so large an extreme that the problems with it are obvious to even the people who agree with it. While many of my posts have drips of sarcasm and irony, I love making an entire post based on the idea of pointing out the problems with an argument. Consider that I’ve done similar things with Opinion #100 and, to an extent, my most recent story.

The trick is finding something with problems that are so glaringly obvious, you can’t imagine people actually taking its side. In the case of this post, it was a hilarious letter addressed to the “anti-Nalu’s”. Apparently, the idea that people openly didn’t like Nalu got on “the nerve of every last one of their pussy hair“. So they wrote a short letter they meant for fans who don’t like Nalu to read. I would give them a pass becasue they were apparently on their period, but they were defending those Twitter pics of Natsu and Lucy on chain leashes.

It’s worth mentioning that this was a few months after the original series ended. I had been trying hard not to make a post about Nalu and the stupid things I saw their fandom do. I didn’t even talk about the pictures they were defending. When I made this post, I figured that I was probably not going to be making many more posts about Nalu for a while. So I decided to throw in every issue I had with the Nalu fandom between talking about it a year earlier and then.

As you can probably tell, I haven’t stopped complaining about Nalu and its fandom. This post seems to have set the tone for how I would deal with the ship and its fandom this side of the ending. Instead of pointing to why a ship fails for me, I’ve been talking about why others should have expected the ship to fail. And, if recent events are a sign of the future, it seems like I’m going to have stuff to say about it for a while. Yay?

#2. Why was Ichiruki Popular? [originally posted July 6, 2018]

What does it say that this post is among my top 10, both on this list and in terms of most notes on a post on this blog? This is a Fairy Tail blog for crying out loud. I shouldn’t be able to get so much attention for talking about a series that isn’t Fairy Tail. It almost certainly shouldn’t get more attention than most of my posts about Fairy Tail. A few people even liked and reblogged it this week.

Then again, this wasn’t my first time talking about other series. I’d already spent time talking about Rave Master, Naruto, and Monster Soul on this blog. I asked my followers if it would be cool if I spent time talking about other series, now that Fairy Tail had ended. Since I got a fairly decent response I decided to talk about a few series, including Bleach.

I got into reading Bleach about a year before it ended. At the time, I was following people who were already into it and was well aware of the popularity of Ichiruki and infamy of its fandom. I was fairly behind but I didn’t see much reason to ship Ichiruki when it ended and I saw the fan meltdowns. Imagine my shock when I got to the end and felt exactly the same about its chances when Rukia said Ichigo’s just her friend. I made this post to vent.

If I started reading Bleach about a year before getting into Fairy Tail, I likely would have been a Bleach blogger. This post served as an interesting glimpse into what that timeline might look like. It’s also one of the few posts that sparked actually interesting responses. While many have pointed to the anime as a reason for its fan popularity, I can’t tell how the staff came to the conclusion that Ichiruki needed to be portrayed as more romantic than in the manga.

#1. I’m late to the “Nalu wasn’t the original plan” party, aren’t I? [originaly posted December 10, 2016]

I’ve made a lot of posts on this blog. I’ve said a lot of things, done a lot of analysis and meta, and shared a lot of opinions here. And yet, I can’t say that too much of the stuff I’ve said is important. Not to say that my insight into certain topics isn’t appreciated. It’s just that much of what I’ve said over the years, even in some of the posts on this list, likely has been and would have been said by anyone else if I didn’t say it. The biggest exception to that has been this post.

A few months before this post, there was a leaked image of Mashima’s afterword in Fairy Tail S regarding the extra chapter Special Request, which happens to be one of my favorite chapters in the series. In it, he admitted that he didn’t originally plan on writing Natsu and Lucy’s relationship as romantic and was currently writing them as somewhere between friends and lovers.

When I first saw it as an image on a Tumblr post, I was extremely hesitant to say anything about it. I didn’t know about Fairy Tail S and assumed it was a troll. When it was confirmed by another blog, and it source was ultimately verified, it was a dream come true. Mashima had vindicated my thoughts on the ship literal months after my big post on Nalu. And yet, not many people were talking about what this actually meant for Fairy Tail and the fandom moving forward. So came this post.

In many ways, I’m still shocked that I still have to point people to this afterword and what it means for Fairy Tail. I’m sure many people know Mashima didn’t plan on making Nalu happen, but I doubt many people understand that fandom is outright incorrect to say that Nalu hsa been obvious from the jump. In a weird connection to the previous post, Mashima’s comments on Nalu are similar to comments Tite Kubo made regarding his writing Ichiruki. Even now, it’s hard to say that Nalu will become canon knowing Mashima’s original intents.

Of the most important thing to come from this post, this marked the start of me starting to hate Nalu. Up to this point, I went from being indifferent to it to not liking it. However, once this came to light, I came to actually hate the idea of Nalu as romantic. I’ve had even less patience for the fandom that made itself near synonymous with the Fairy Tail fandom at large on every site ever. I doubt that will change anytime soon and I’m not sure if that’s a bad thing anymore.

Well, that’s my list of my favorite posts. I’m sure you guys have favorites among my posts and maybe some of them are on this list. If you want to see more of my other personal favorite posts and reblogs, I’ve tagged all of them as fav on my blog, including this one. Here’s to 5 more years of whatever the heck I’m doing on this blog!

See you!

#this was fun #i spent too much time through the anti nalu tag for this #i've made a lot of fun posts #fav

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ivory-haired-queens-blog · 5 years

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I just played ep 3 and you wanna know what things fucking ripped my heart out and fucking stomped on it and tried to shove it back in with scotch tape and glitter glue? SPOILERS, DUH.

*Also this might be the most in-depth and analytical thing I've done so... it's long.

A) When Louis picks up Minnie's crossbow and fucking accidentally shoots that woman and he's like "i..I didn't mean...fuck" or something like that. That fucking voice acting shredded me and I will never be over that. Louis, Louis of all people, the lighthearted jokester that just wants everyone to be happy was forced to shoot a woman in the skull! In one of the most grisly deaths in the season at that! Skybound can throw hands with me for that one. Also when Clem goes to get Aj Louis, even as broken and torn as he is at this point, he still tries to come with her. The best boy honestly.

B) Look, I know Lilly is the villian of this season. I'm fully aware of this. But she obviously still kinda cares about Clementine, as in ep 2 she said, and I quote "this SHOULD be easy." But it's not. It's not easy to shoot clem. But then she just fucking takes Aj? And then tries to strangle Clem on the side of the boat? And then when I mercied her and tried to let her live, she just???fucking kills James??? Like, I already didn't like James (I'm sorry James stans) but he didn't deserve that. And then the bomb goes off and we don't even get to Aj in time??? Like, 👊👊👊 throw hands.

C) When Aj talks about Clem getting bit and how he'd want her to bite him. Like, fucking James just had to say something. This boy is 6, maybe 7 at the absolute latest. He's impressionable, he learns from what he hears. You can't just tell him that walkers are still kinda human. If they had any shred of humanity left, they would not kill people. Especially those close to them, like Lee's brother tried to kill Lee when he was under that lamppost. Just fucking stop I'm crying.

D) LOUIS' STORY. If you did the Violet path and didn't hear Louis', basically he was rich. Like, filthy rich. But the only thing his dad wouldn't buy him was singing lessons. Louis got so mad at what his dad said to him, "You can either be happy or you can be rich," that he wanted to teach his dad a lesson. He started buying things on his dad's credit card that eluded to his dad having an affair (jewelry, hotel rooms, etc.) And when this worked, his parents got the divorce, he came clean. He told his dad "You can either be rich or you can be happy." A week later he was at the school. And just fucking??? How much his character has grown in the 8-9 apocalypse years??I'm so proud of him. Sure, younger Louis was a little shit, but he knows how fucked up what he did was. If you watch the scene, it's so....heartbreaking. like it's his biggest regret, even with all the Marlon shit thrown in. I love Violet with my whole heart, but I fucking love Louis' storyline.

E) VIOLET WHAT THE FUCK??? As I stated before, I love Violet. She's my favorite gay/gal in the whole apocalypse. But what the fuck? Like, you...I get it. I saved Louis instead of you, but wait a fucking minute I made it blatantly obvious that I love Louis (my son) and when you see me in the prison cell you're like "fuck you I'm staying here with my psychotic gf." Like??? I think the writers made a huge character mistake with that because there's no way Violet would have actually done that to me. Also especially after Minnie admits to killing Sophie, which I'll touch on later. Like, her character would NOT do that. Idgaf if she still loved Minnie or not, she'd be fucking pissed.

F) We have to talk about Minnie. Just....ugh. Props to telltale/skybound because holy fuck. That got me. That got me good. She just??? Is completely brainwashed by the delta and lilly? She killed her own sister, and despite me telling her what Tenn told me to she still locked me in the cell? Also she doesn't say one loving thing to Violet, who literally is willing to get herself blown up just to be with her. And when that woman tells her her family is the delta and to forget about Tenn she just fucking accepts it? Like??? Fuck off bitch?

G) Louis' date was the cutest shit

H) I'm sorry but at the party that first bio sounded a fuck ton like Marlon and Idc what anyone else says you cannot convince me that my love Ruby ever did such things.

I) I hate that the story is so compelling that, even after all she's fucking done, I still care about Lilly. I call this "the Kenny effect." We have history, and that matters a lot to me. Even if I don't agree with her ever, I still don't want her to die. (Like with the Kenny/Arvo thing) I see her as family, which is why in s1 I let her stay after she shot carley and in ep 2 of this season I told her we were family. I do care about Lilly, and then she just kills James??? Like, ugh. I wish she would just fucking stop and I could hug her and everything would be fine and Lee isn't actually dead and Christa and Molly and Kenny and everyone's alive and AAHHHHH.

J) The scene where Minnie has clem's knife against clem's chest and is pushing down is so fucking similar to the Kenny/Jane situation is s2. Minnie is Jane and Clem is Kenny, this time all of the kids from the school is clem. Both Minnie and Clem want them to be safe, but they have very different ideas on how they'll be safe. Clem wants to protect them at all costs, and Minnie wants to protect them by getting rid of clem. (Like how Jane wanted to get rid of kenny) I'm crying in the club.

K) James fucking making me walk in the barn full of walkers to touch the wind chime. I was literally so anxious during this and I knew that it's a game but just??? That would have been a pointless death.

L) ABEL. NO! Look I don't like this guy as much as the rest of ya'll, but they way he just breaks down??? I refused to torture him, and I put out his cigarette. He begs to be killed because he doesn't want to turn. This is so visceral and raw that I almost cried when my knife went through his head. Then the screen thing told me I tortured him in front of Aj?? Hello? When did I do that??? I gave him mercy, I gave him peace.

M) Louis toasting to the fact that he thinks he's gonna die at the boat just fucking destroys me.

N) Rosie is the goodest girl and didn't get enough screen time.

O) Louis helping clem up when she gets pulled under water by a walker is cleansing for my soul

P) Omar and Aasim got like 4 lines between them and that's fucking breaking the law

Q) I literally only found 1 collectible where the fuck where they all???

R) I was legitimately going to not kill any of the walkers when James was getting his mask, but I honest to God kept dying over and over so I literally had to kill one of them.

S) the fact that James kept bringing up how much of a heartless bitch I am for not caring about dead people that are walking and killing the living and everyone I've ever cared about.

T) The sheer genuis of the dialogue option that asks James if he knows the names of the walkers and he's confused and clem is just like "Omar, Aasim...Violet." like, he doesn't know the walkers. They're killing machines that he has no attachment to. Clem's friends are alive, and she cares about them deeply. Like fuck off m8.

U) Aj is so broken and confused and scared I don't know how to fix him he's a murderer but he's trying to atone and I just hope to God Lee would actually be proud of Clem and I just wish he was alive and Clem and Aj and him were a family and he could meet the boarding school kids at then Louis would learn about history, something I hc him as never being good at in school, and Louis teaches him how to play the piano and he teaches Violet how to actually map the stars and she teaches him all the fighting skills she's learned and Lee takes a liking to Tenn and makes sure to thank Omar for cooking and appreciates willy and mitch and what they do and supports and learns medicine from ruby and stops Aj from killing Marlon and talks him through the bad shit and helps him atone for his sins and then he meets Rosie and when he sees Lilly again she stops being a hateful cunt and we kill all the delta people and go back to the school and everyone, including mitch and James and Minerva and Sophie is alive and this is getting way to long aahhhh.

V) When Louis is freaking out about the responsibility of planting the bomb, and it gives you to either slap him or kiss him and that's the fucking cutest shit

W) the fact that it never let's me hug Tenn or Willy, nor have a funeral for Mitch. Like I know we were crunched for time, but it would've taken 10 minutes tops.

X) to my knowledge, Tenn and Menerva never see eachother. Maybe she would have changed if she saw him? I don't know...

Y) I don't have the option to cuddle with Rosie and that's an actual crime.

Z) When the kids are talking about all the people they've lost. 34 people. 34. We've lost a lot, don't get me wrong, but I don't think it's 34. It might be close, but some of those people we weren't close to nor knew for very long. Also the fact that they've lost 34 but only have like 5 graves. Wtf?

*) AND THE BIGGEST THING THAT TORE MY HEART INTO PRICES WAS THE LEE SCENE, AND THE DIALOGUE OPTION OF TELLING LEE HE'S NOT REAL AND HE TELLS CLEM THAT IT'S OKAY TO BE A LITTLE NUTS AND THEN THE HUG AND THE "LOOK AT YOU..." FROM LEE AND AAAHHHH I MISS HIM SO FUCKING MUCH.

*Edit: I'm not saying I love Lilly as much as I do Kenny, I could never like her that much, even if she had a change of heart and died protecting clem or Aj. I'm saying "the Kenny effect" because he was being an asshole, however you try to defend him. He wasn't in the right, and harmed an innocent kid (Arvo) just like Lilly does. Cool? Cool.

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