#i’ve been thinking about this a lot but i think its sort of a cycle i keep following into where like ….. im not that active on this blog bc

[wuahae]

ok i say this a lot but i Will make more of an effort to be more active on this blog :”)

[borzoilover69]

I've always had this feeling that Dirk envies his brother and hates himself for thinking of Dave that way.

( elaboration under the cut )

I’ve always had this headcanon that Dirk is in some ways jealous of Dave, especially after the game. Jealous of the way he seems so great compared to Dirk, with a better life, a lot more friends, and easier to bounce off of and get along with by far, while Dirk struggles to form connections and understand tone cues due to his relatively isolated childhood. In both the alpha and beta universes, he's a hero in Dirks eyes, even if Dave doesn't consider himself one. A hero, that Dirk could never hope to achieve to be.

Dirk has always wanted to be a knight and Dave is a knight, he was “enough”. Where Dirk believed himself to have failed in a way to grant any real damage or order in his void session, Dave pulled a lot of hard work to make sure his counted. In a way it’s a jealousy covered by admiration. He admires Dave so much that he is essentially a pedestal to everything Dirk wants to be and subsequently cant be. The way he talks, the way he walks, all the friends he has that Dirk doesn’t really have. He doesn’t seem to have half the issues that Dirk himself perceives himself as happening.

The sort of jealousy that makes Dirk pick at himself. Because he knows it’s one sided. He knows it’s not good to feel like this, not healthy. Why does he feel so much dislike for Dave when he’s so great? Dave has been nothing but nice and accommodating to him. And that makes him in a sense hate himself more. Its a cycle of realising he dislikes his brother due to envy (in turn caused by how he puts him on a pedestal as a true "hero"), then questioning and lashing out at himself internally for harboring negative emotions towards Dave, beating himself about it because his self hatred confirms he can never be Dave, before listing all the reasons why Dave is great (and he isn't) and falling in this cycle all over.

I think he’d hate himself because he can’t find the end of the cycle. A snake that eats itself. Dirk can’t be him. Yet in some ways he wishes to be as great. But he can never be that great, because Dave is the top bar in his mind. Which leads to hate for how he thinks about it and how he’s again, doomed to be himself. And only himself.

Dealing with jealousy and envy in that matter, he would likely not bring it up to anyone, not even Dave or Jake. He might make some semblance of a mention of it, but of course the fear of being seen in a certain light by both parties makes him back off and make him reluctant to talk about it in general.

[thebowieconstricker]

Hello! I saw you wanted requests for Lucifer, and I would love any sort of angst where Lucifer ends up comforting the reader, like maybe something happened to the reader, or the reader is just really stressed and just breaks down

Ease My Mind

(Lucifer Morningstar x reader)

AN: To this request: yes yes yes yes YES I just KNOW that he gives the best hugs and is so ready to comfort the people he loves. For this fic, I decided the angst is a little of everything, job struggles, moral dilemmas, and some self-doubt, so I hope I delivered. This isn’t proofread so please alert me to any errors! Thank you for your request! <333

Summary: You have a bad day at work and it triggers a breakdown. Luckily, your big bad boyfriend is here to help.

Tags: Gender neutral reader, could be read as platonic if you reeeeally squint but it’s implied romantic, heavy on the angst, a dash of fluff, Lucifer is trying his best, you guys are precious.

Warnings: Reader is afraid they’re being used by the people around them and they have lots of thoughts about being useless and others not liking them.

Also, the title is inspired by the song “Ease My Mind” by Ben Platt, go listen to it! Enjoy ya heathens!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You’ve been used by others for your entire life.

And now you were stuck in that same cycle in death.

As a young, naive, alive-person, you were desperate for some one to love you. Growing up in an environment where compassion was scare, you decided that the only way to get people to notice you was by offering to help them in some way. A favor, a ride, somewhere to crash, and, for one specific person, a place to hide the bodies. In life, you had gotten so deep into your desire to please others that you had latched onto the first person to give you the time of day. Unfortunately for you, that individual happened to have a thing for serial killing.

Looking back on it now as you miserably walked back to the hotel, tears threatening to fall down your face, you couldn’t think about anything other than how stupid and useless you were. It was your fault that they were found out, your fault that the innocents were dead in the first place, your fault you were stuck in hell and that fucker was still out there.

How much time had passed on Earth? How many more had they killed?

On most days, you could compartmentalize, putting the bad thoughts in a little box and shoving it in the back of your brain, but work had broken you today. You worked for the Vees, specifically Velvette, and it was no secret how they overworked and abused their staff. You were stuck picking up Velvette’s leftover energy drinks for as long as she had control of your soul.

And yet. You thought maybe someday, someday you might make a connection. You might impress her, or surprise her, or something, and maybe she would give you a break.

But no. Today you had been an hour late for the first time and Velvette had screeched at you, calling out all of your flaws and insecurities and bringing all of the horrible memories that you had oh-so-carefully stowed away to light. But you held back tears and did your fucking job, the emotions boiling all day and the hectic office space doing nothing to calm it.

You had needed this cry for a long time, and now there was no stopping it.

Walking along the brimstone pathways, you finally made your way to the rickety Hazbin Hotel. Its incomprehensible height only worsened your now growing headache as you walked up to the doors, grabbing the handles and swinging the heavy iron frame and red-stained glass open.

You immediately started towards your room, but you were blocked by the obnoxiously cheery Princess of Hell herself, Charlie.

Charlie’s not obnoxious, you’re so vile for thinking that.

Shit, the thoughts were getting worse and you could not do this right now.

Charlie, oblivious to your mood, smiled brightly. “There you are! How was work? I’ve got someone here who’s been waiting-“

You shoved past her, bumping her harshly.

“Not in the mood.”

Charlie frowned in confusion behind you.

“But, wait, hey-“ You ignored her pleas and- ah shit, now Angel’s in front of you.

“Hey, babe, you might wanna hang around for a sec-“

You shut your eyes tightly and moved your hands towards his chest, your fight or flight kicking in as you pushed him.

“ANGEL, leave me alone.”

Why would you yell at Angel like that? He’s just being nice.

Shut up shut up SHUT UP

Everything was only getting worse. You bolted to the grand staircase and raced up the steps. As you sped down the seemingly infinite hallways, the tears you had been fighting back for the last millennia finally fell. With a choked sob, you finally spotted your bedroom and lurched for the doorknob, swinging the door open and slamming it behind you as you bursted into your room. You ran to your bed and grabbed a pillow, hugging it tightly as you loudly cried.

Charlie only keeps you here because she needs the guests, you know. She hates you. They all hate you. They wish you weren’t here. You’re just lying there, crying, why would they want you?

The hateful thoughts were all you could hear in your mind. As you pulled your knees to your arms holding your pillow, you wanted nothing more than to disappear. To just pop out of existence and finally be free of the burden of yourself.

Then, suddenly, three knocks at the door.

“GO AWAY.” You screamed, throat on fire from your sobbing.

A voice came from outside. A smooth, relaxed, kind male voice.

“It’s me, hon.”

You froze, terrified. Quickly you climbed to the floor on the left side of your bed, blocking your body from the view of the door. You took several deep breaths, trying to steady your nerves.

“Come in.” You said shakily.

You heard the door creek open, then footsteps.

“Where ya hiding these days?” He awkwardly chuckled, clearly trying to lighten up the mood you were in.

“Just- stay over there.” You were still holding your pillow, and you gave it an extra squeeze.

“I’m a mess right now.” You sniffled.

He paused, like he was thinking. “Well, if that’s what you want, but I hope you know by now that I’m always happy to see you. Even when you’re a mess.”

You felt the bed shift. He was sitting on the opposite side.

Like a child looking for a secret, you turned around to look at the back of his head. His hat was gone, probably left downstairs, and all you saw was his sweep of blond hair.

He made a ‘hm’ sound. “Bad day?”

You nodded. Then, realizing he couldn’t see you. “Y-yeah.”

You watched him nod. “I’m sorry about that.” He fiddled with his cane, his hands tightening and loosening around it. “Would you… like to talk about it?”

You paused.

Lucifer had been a confidant of yours since you first arrived in Hell. He was the one to tell you what was going on right after you died, calming you down and offering you a place to stay. Sure, you didn’t know that he was literally the Devil, but everything about him made you feel at peace. Like you could deal with the hand you were dealt.

Secretly, though, you were waiting.

Waiting for the moment when he would reveal that he only kept you around because he needed you to do something for him.

No one was that kind, or caring, or wonderful.

He wants something from you. Why else would he keep coming back?

You had yet to answer his question. Lucifer sighed.

“You don’t have to tell me anything. I just want you to know that I’m here for you, okay?”

The voices were still wringing in your head, you were still crying, and you felt pathetic.

“I- I don’t- fuck, would you please stop acting like you care?” You knew your words were harsh but they were begging to be said.

His posture straightened in surprise.

“I do care! What makes you think I don’t care?” He sounded hurt.

Nice going, you hurt his feelings.

You bent forward, hands covering your face in frustration. A fresh wave of tears rises through your body and you loudly cried out, too scared and angry and sad to hide it anymore.

“Woah, woah, hey, it’s okay, hon.” Lucifer’s voice was nearing your form on the ground, and he was quickly at your side. You could feel his presence beside you.

He sighed in exhaustion. “Listen, I’m not- I’m not the greatest at this, but I’m gonna ask so I don’t upset you. Do you want a hug? Or a hand on your shoulder-“

Your arms were wrapped around him before he could finish his question, clinging to his waist and biting your face in his neck.

“WOAH there- well hey, sweetheart, there you are.” You could hear him smiling as he gently brought his hand to rub your back.

“I’m sorry. I- I’ve just had a shitty day at work and I’m worried about a lot of things and- I don’t want to take it out on you.” You were shaking, but he held you steadily.

“What kinda things are worrying you?” He asked.

And so you told him. In the comfort of his embrace you were able to somewhat coherently explain all the things that had been freaking you out. Velvette’s torture at work, your own moral dilemmas about your life on Earth, and you were just getting into your feelings about others using you when you felt Lucifer’s breath hitch.

He leaned away from you to look you in the eyes and gently put a finger to your chin.

“Honey, I want you to know that I know for a fact that the people here really care about you. Not because you’re an extra pair of hands, but because you’re you. You’re wonderful to be around. People like you.”

He looked at you with a warm smile and leaned towards you, giving you a small kiss on the forehead.

“I like you. I care about you because you’re worth caring about.”

You stared at him in awe, your mind finally at ease after such a chaotic day. Smiling, you leaned back into him to rest your head on his chest.

“Thank you, Luci.” You reached out and took one of his hands, holding it tightly in an effort to show him how grateful you truly were for his words of assurance.

He tightened his fingers around yours and grinned down at you.

“Always, love. Now, let’s get you on the bed, okay?”

You nodded and he gracefully picked you up, gently placing you on the bed. With a snap, you were in comfortable clothing with a warm blanket around you and plenty of soft pillows.

“You want me to hang out for a bit?” He looked at you through half-lidded eyes, clearly sleepy.

“If you don’t have anything else going on…” You offered, already half dozing off.

“Even if I did, I would love nothing more.” With an affectionate grin he curled up beside you, and you immediately went to lay your head back on his chest. As you drifted away, listening to the King of Hell’s heartbeat, you took a deep breath.

He was right. Things were gonna be okay.

You had friends.

You were loved.

[ossifer-bones]

the paul poll compelled me to just quickly write up my little opinion piece on paul and necromancy in the tlt verse bcs tags are a pain in the ass to elaborate on my opinion in: paul horrifies me. i think that a lot of people read palamedes' interpretation of lyctorhood as being some sort of objective truth and that there is a right way to do lyctorhood and paul is it, but i just don't agree with that; i think in a series rife with unreliable narrators, palamedes' views on lyctorhood should be considered as subjective as any other person's.

“Can one person even be two people? I feel like I’ve only got enough room inside for me, and sometimes like that room’s not even enough.” “Lyctors can,” said Palamedes, “or at least—they thought they could; in fact all they became were half-dead cannibals. I think a true Lyctorhood is a mutual death … a gravitational singularity creating something new. A true Grand Lysis, rather than the Petty Lysis of the megatheorem [...]

what he says here about lysis is in response to nona asking if one person can be two people, and thus it is a very loaded statement when coming from someone heralding from a society where the extreme co-dependence of the fundamentally unequal necro/cav bond is encouraged, especially considering camilla and palamedes are called out by others from that same society as being an exemplary case of co-dependence in that department!

camilla and palamedes are arguably more equal than any other cav/necro pair in series, in part due to that co-dependence, but we even see in NtN that cam does stuff that undercuts that equality (telling pyrrha to lie to palamedes, 'don't tell him i was weak'). and that equality, that love, is shown to be thought of as coming at the cost of freedom: when palamedes says, “I cannot bear the thought of using you.”—camilla responds, “Love and freedom don’t coexist, Warden.”

in the end, every permutation of the necro and cav pairing is irrevocably descended from john + alecto's example and while i think beauty can be found in some of them, they all suffer from the same fundamental imbalance that bond hinges on; nonconformity abates it, but abolishment is required for real freedom from it. the so-called indelible sin of lyctorhood is just an echo of the original sin john committed.

If there was one thing Gideon knew about necromancers, it was that they needed power. Thanergy—death juice—was abundant wherever things had died or were dying. Deep space was a necro’s nightmare, because nothing had ever been alive out there, so there were no big puddles of death lying around for Harrow and her ilk to suck up with a straw.

necromancy necessitates consumption, taking by its very nature: death, especially violent death, is what fuels it—infants producing more thanergy on death is literally a noted phenomena! paul's birth, while it could be seen as triumphant in the sense of it being an act of creation, is literally identified by palamedes himself as a mutual death, death being required to fuel it the same as any other necromantic working. i don't want to say 'necromancy is fundamentally evil' but uh... it is irrevocably tied into john's conception of human nature: "This is the problem, the incorporation, this is the hardest part … It’s the human instinct, to take."

something i always point out about camilla and palamedes' grand lysis is theparallel with gideon and harrow's incomplete petty lysis: both come about as a result of a fully-realised lyctor (ianthe, cytherea) having cornered the pair, resulting in both being threatened with imminent death (camilla critically injured and palamedes facing expulsion from naberius when ianthe re-emerges; harrow necromantically spent and gideon having suffered multiple injuries, both going to die when cytherea breaks through the bone dome). paul's birth only happened as a direct result of the continuation of the lyctoral cycle of violence, with ianthe in cytherea's position; per palamedes, “I am not saying this was our inevitable end … I am saying we have found the best and truest and kindest thing we can do in this moment.”

paul may be the best and truest and kindest thing cam and pal could've done in that moment, but that moment should've never came to pass: the codependency instilled into them through their society, the violence that put them in that position, and the consumptive necromancy that made paul possible. paul is horrifying because they are the most hopeful and kind thing, and they are the product of two people, one sans his own body, undergoing mutual death to fuel their birth.

they're the truest response to one flesh, one end: an oath purportedly coined by cristabel and alfred, who compelled their necromancers to ascend via a suicide pact.

valancy says one flesh one end sounds like instructions for a sex toy. can’t stop thinking about that so can someone stop cris and alfred before the sex toy phrase catches on, thanks.

did the sex toy phrase really need a response?

[izu]

hey just wanna say that i LOVE your art!!! i’ve seen you on twitter and ugh just can’t get enough of it! also do you happen to have some johnshi headcannons?? cuz if you do i would like to see them all!! :3

thank you so much!!! i hope to draw more.... also get ready bc i have way too many headcanons and this'll probably be super long winded unfortunately . this isn't all of it but its most of it

- kenshi is a heavy sleeper. after moving in with johnny post-tournament he begins to unwind from his former unhealthy schedule that was supported by his yakuza lifestyle. johnny wakes up at 5 am to work out until lunch, and kenshi sleeps in til like noon or 1. johnny thinks its cute

- they either own a fuck ton of cats or ferrets. johnny seems like a ferret guy to me

- they like watching director's cuts of movies instead of actual movies because kenshi can actually understand a little more of whats happening while the directors explain certain scenes and go into depth about the composition and art direction. its a win win situation for both of them

- johnny actually reads a ton of books, but is embarrassed about it. leftovers from being a ""nerd"" in high school. kenshi thinks its adorable and he likes hearing johnny retell the book plot and express his exasperation with it unfolding as he reads

- johnny has a sweet tooth and kenshi has a more refined palette, he will try anything johnny sets in front of him though, even if he isnt much of a sweets guy

- on that same note, johnny is very good at cooking! every other night he plans a meal for them, and it's almost always a winner. lots of japanese style dishes (took some trial and error on johnny's part) because he wants to impress kenshi

- they go to red carpet events together after a couple of years of dating, but for a while they pretended (to the press, too) that kenshi was his newest bodyguard. rumors spread fast though and it ended up being a perfect time to let johnny come out publicly as bi

- kenshi's parents are actually very very supportive. i think he'd be nervous at first but his mom thinks johnny is very handsome and his father agrees its a good change for their family. kenshi has two sisters who absolutely raise hell over kenshi nabbing a sexy gaijin star and he is very embarrassed about it. much to johnny's delight

- they spend every weekend on the balcony of johnny's new loft in his jacuzzi just talking and being sappy. kenshi genuinely gets a lil upset when things come up and they miss their date nights

- everytime kenshi returns to the states after visiting home johnny makes a big scene at the airport. lunging at him, crying sobbing

- kenshi proposes first, but johnny had been nervously trying to wait for a good time to do it himself. one upped. he is still very upset about this well into their marriage as old yaois

- kenshi is the top 👍 i think we all knew this but still

- even if he doesn't need it, its sort of a ritual between them so they never stopped; johnny is still kenshi's sight dog when they go out and he doesn't feel like relying on sento.

- sento's ancestors like johnny a lot and kept being annoying about kenshi needing to get hitched already hskw7kejej

- kenshi is achillean, gay. always has been. his arrangement with suchin was. arranged. and she was his lesbian beard for a while. the two are very very close and she visits their home often. johnny is trans and bisexual, but he's only out about being bi.

- johnny tends to have a really shitty sleep cycle, light sleeper, easily thrown into insomnia, the busy street life can really fuck up his routine when hes already had a terrible day. which ends up with the both of them on the couch, talking, watching a show, kenshi with his head on johnny's shoulder. they fall asleep like that 7 times outta 10

- the older they get the sappier and grosser they get . everyone who knows them hates their gay asses . jax and sonya included

- also they both get dad bods when they get older bc of all the good eating. neither are insecure about it. its hot

- kenshi is undeniably the spoiled one. gifts, fancy dinner dates, unrelenting affection and praise. he starts believing he deserves good things, that he is loved, solely by johnny's persistence with showing him instead of telling him

- cris ends up being their friend again after a while. i just dont like the cris villainization when its contrasted with johnshi support. she had her reasons to be upset at her alcoholic, spending-addicted husband, y'all

- johnny like action/sci fi movies. kenshi likes romcoms.

- they host parties. they're awesome parties.

[spaceprinceencie]

I think about Nagito’s death at the end of SDR2 a lot. There’s so much symbolism and meaning in it. His death reflects a lot of the other deaths from the first game, which is a cool easter egg, but the meaning of that also kind of blows my mind. 

The symbolism of how he’s embodying so much of the despair from the first game, compiled into a single death. How he’s depending on his luck to burn out every last ounce of despair from this death game, while also embodying every ounce from the last one at the same time. He - intentionally/consciously or not - is embodying as much despair as he can so he can burn it all away and bring hope. 

But most recently I’ve also been thinking a lot about the spear. 

Because there’s two major ways you can interpret Nagito’s luck cycle: either luck is a real supernatural force that exists in the DR universe, or Nagito is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Personally, I do think it’s hard to argue that everything that happens to Nagito throughout the series is totally unrelated to some greater supernatural force. But I also think it’s so tragic to think of his luck cycle as just a bunch of psychological tricks. So a little bit of this is a “what if”: even if it’s not the most likely explanation, there is a way of arguing for it and I think that’s interesting. He believes with all his heart that he’s cursed by this luck cycle. That good and bad will happen to him in extremes, in waves. Confirmation bias tells us he’ll pick out that pattern easily, searching for evidence that supports his understanding of the world, and then presenting what is essentially cherry-picked evidence to other characters. Which is often what we see of his luck cycle: the narrative he has constructed. Then, throw in how he’d subconsciously make decisions and put himself in situations that further supports his view of himself and the world. He might purposefully put himself in precarious positions when he thinks there’s bad luck due. He might do something like hang a spear above his own head. That act, metaphorical or literal, is then, also sort of his essence, isn’t it? Nagito hangs spears above him, poised to kill him, and waits for his luck - real or not - to use them. And when the spear falls, because if you keep hanging spears above your head eventually they’ll fall, he calls it intentional and purposeful. He calls it part of his luck cycle. But how much of it is really luck, and how much of it is that he’s just hanging spears and waiting? How much of it is that he really believes he deserves bad luck or pain or hurt? Honestly, we don’t know exactly if the poison killed him before the spear did. We can certainly assume it did, since Monokuma rules Nanami the killer, and because the spear was supposedly released upon Nagito’s death (and the nature of the poison). However, I think there’s enough doubt in there to argue that, even if its unlikely, the spear did kill him. Monokuma could’ve lied, there was no one and no way to prove him wrong after all. The poison could’ve weakened Nagito just enough that he wasn’t dead until the spear impaled him. 

Just, think of the potential symbolism of the fact that we can only assume- based on incomplete and biased observations - that the poison killed him. That Nagito’s luck killed him. From that biased assumption, we are led to believe his luck is cyclic and intentional. Just like everything Nagito does and says could be seen as a biased presentation of evidence that leads us to the same conclusions. But realistically we can also assume that Nagito just killed himself by hanging a spear over himself and waiting. We can also assume Nagito's luck isn't as drastic as he claims. What if, in reality, he just keeps hanging spears above him and waiting, maybe even hoping, they fall?

[the-derpy-duck]

The TFA universe is a fucking nightmare and I wish people would actually talk about it. Long rant incoming.

Don’t expect good spelling or grammar I’m sorry

Like the show didn’t even care enough to address how fucked everything was. Like all the little baby robots just don’t have names until they go through the military/boot camp, which doesn’t make a lot of sense as the whole point of basic training/boot camp is taking away one’s identity and individualization aka what a lot of cults and extremist groups will do to get people to go along with whatever they want them to, as it’s a lot easier for group think to occur when there is a group. The whole “small cog in a bigger machine” bullshit speech is literally just that but dressed up to look and sound pretty (propaganda). But half of the names given at the boot camp are insults and that’s really fucked up. And it’s almost implied that the other transformers recognize Bulkhead and Bumblebee’s names as being insulting in nature because when Sari introduces herself to Bumblebee it sort of goes like this:

“My name is Bumblebee” “I’m Sari” “Oh don’t be, I like my name.”

But that would also imply that the show was thinking about acknowledging how messed up its own world is and I don’t really think it is. I think that’s a joke, was meant to be taken as a joke, but could be read into as world building or something.

It’s been a hot second sense I’ve rewatched season three of tfa but from what I remember, Ultra Magnus was sort of a dictator? Like I know that there is some form of election, but the main way anything gets done is through the council of primes and in TFA it is established that “prime” is a military rank, and those who advanced to “prime” have to be approved by the council, which Ultra Magnus is the head of. He doesn’t have full dictation over it (he wanted OP to not be horribly punished) but he does have a sizable amount of control (op was still given a job and got to keep his rank). The election cycles are nonexistent as the only time anyone thinks of trying to replace Ultra Magnus is when he is on his death bed. So is it like the Supreme Court? The people technically elect a leader but the council that would decide on important laws and if they are constitutional is chosen by the leader, not the people, can serve until they die, and can do fuck all and no one will challenge them because they have the final say on the law? For a thing like economics or the Supreme Court it would make sense to have these be not elected officials for the sole purpose of “they wouldn’t be pressured by potentially not being re-elected and so they would be able to do their jobs without worrying if it would please the people.” A lot of things done to fix and adjust the economy will look really bad at first but it ultimately serves to balance everything. But the people in charge of the FED and other economic shit also don’t serve until they die. Long tangent to say, not a lot of democracy in this word.

The only way to gain power in cybertron seems to be to either join the military or do a hyper specific job. Also how long has ultra Magnus been the leader? Was no one ever unhappy with how he lead? Sentinel Prime was but that was seen as a bit of a taboo. Also Sentinel’s Cybertron immediately turning into an Orwellian styled red scare nightmare was a choice. Establishing curfews during a time of potential war where the planet/country/city could easily be targeted for an attack isn’t in itself unreasonable. It’s immediately taken to 11 but the general idea of curfews makes sense. As well as reporting potential spys for the main reason that spy’s had been proven to have infiltrated the prime counsel thing. It goes to fear mongering almost instantly but the general idea isn’t bad.

Im interested to know how Ultra Magnus would have handled the situation because the show just sort of is neutral about him. He’s just there most of the time and tells OP not to try and be a hero. I want to know if he would have done something similar to Sentinel and I want to know if the show would address it. Because the general difference between UM and SP is that UM is better at hiding how much he manipulates power. He’s still a dictator even if he isn’t an antagonist force. He’s not a benevolent dictator because dictators, by definition, cannot be benevolent. If they were truly benevolent then the people would get a choice in the world that they live in.

All this to say, “dictator bad”

ALSO is there no trial system? Wasp just was sent to prison and they didn’t think to look into any of the evidence? Did no one think to maybe investigate the people who would have had the codes or spare keys for the locker things? Do they just send people into solitary confinement without any sort of hearing or evidence or was Wasp just waiting for his court date? Why does Optimus want Bumblebee to apologize to the guy who clearly doesn’t want to speak to him? He literally watched Bumblebee give an apology and a reasonable explanation for his actions. He wasn’t making excuses he was manipulated by a person who he thought was his friend and the main reason why he was able to be so easily manipulated was because the person in power was actively antagonist towards him. He did the right thing. He asked a person, who would have known how to make a report, how to make a report. If shockwave wasn’t the person who was in that roll then Wasp probably wouldn’t have been framed. And even if Bumblebees wasn’t the one who found the things in his locker, Sentinel still would have found them because Shockwave planted them. I’m sorry but asking a person how to make a report so you can go around the person who is acting aggressive towards you and holds a significant position of power over you isn’t the same as purposefully ruining someone’s life. Bumblebee was going off of evidence that was 100% circumstantial, biased, and highly questionable, that doesn’t automatically mean that he was trying to frame Wasp. If he had reported that he overheard a spy communicating with the decepticons and had reasons to believe that it might be Wasp, then I would assume that whoever the fuck would do an investigation and either clear Wasp or just arrest him because due process and fair trials is for babies. In which case, it still wouldn’t be the fault of a person who isn’t in control of anything. Blaming Bumblebee for what happened to Wasp is like blaming doctors for how expensive medical treatment is. He trusted the wrong person and that person used his trust against him. The people in power did not think to do an investigation into any of this. And even if the whole Wasp thing was open and shut why wouldn’t they look further into this? Maybe there was other spy’s? Did anyone think about that? No? It also isn’t Bumblebee’s fault that Shockwave got to the position of Prime. The security system and the people in charge of screenings didn’t pick up on the fact that there was a spy. That is not the fault of a random cadet who trusted someone. Shockwave’s actions and the people who died because of them are the fault of Shockwave. Bumblebee’s fuck up did help him not get caught, but it was also the closet we see to him being caught before he becomes a prime. If the people in the TFA world weren’t so fucking stupid then this wouldn’t of happened because maybe this hyper advanced world would have fucking security cameras. If they can figure out how to bend time and space then I think they can figure out how to install things that would record a conversation.

WAIT- doesn’t Bumblebee use something similar to that to figure out the decepticons plans and relay it back to earth? And they have computers that have screens so why don’t they have cameras installed?

Anyway, Wasp blaming Bumblebee makes sense. It makes sense that he is angry at him and it makes sense that he wouldn’t forgive him. That’s not the issue I have with this the issue is that OP also blames Bumblebee. Which I guess would also make sense as animated Optimus seems to be deeply rooted in the military and is a string supported of Ultra Magnus. It is stated in the first episode that he watches propaganda and repeats the military speech about being one big machine. He lies to save his friend and he sucks for that because his friend abuses his power whenever he gets the chance to and he knows this. Optimus lying for Sentinel is much more  egregious to me than what Bumblebee does because Bumblebee didn’t know that Longarm was a spy. I understand why Optimus would lie for Sentinel, he is a loyal friend and he definitely did blame himself for what happened. That doesn’t change the fact that he KNOWINGLY let a person who he knew to be irresponsible and who got others into dangerous situations into a position of power. I think Ultra Magnus knew that Optimus was lying and like- why are you people like this?

Bumblebee could have been called out for so many different things that he actually did. Like is he a bad friend? Yes. He treats Bulkhead badly, most of there interactions are just him insulting Bulkhead and Bulkhead never insults him back. If they both were insulting each other then I wouldn’t really have an issue but most of the time they are seen together it’s just Bumblebee being an asshole. He’s willing to abandon his team and objective to chase down Blurr, he doesn’t listen when people tell him not to do something and it often leads to problems. There are reasonable things to call Bumblebee out on but the Wasp thing doesn’t make sense. If Optimus wanted to address Bumblebee never taking responsibility for his own actions, then why not do that when a consequence is the result of Bumblebee’s actions in a meaningful way. What the hell was he supposed to do? He didn’t know how to make a report so he asked. This is one of the only times that Bumblebee stops to think and consider his options, he could have immediately began spying on Wasp and the other cadets but he didn’t. He wanted to pass it off to the right people who would be able to handle it.

Animated OP frustrates me because I come so close to liking him and then he does something that personally annoys the hell out of me. I get why he would lie for his friend who was manipulative and generally awful towards him but its still just like— you have seen the consequences of his actions. This is no longer just hurting you or him, it has maybe killed a person and he has not changed. Optimus thinks he can change but he has an obligation to not let him hurt anymore people and he just needs to tell the truth. It’s really hard to leave friends behind, I know that. Even when they hurt you and actively make your life worse it is still extremely difficult to let that relationship go. I appreciate how Optimus has issues in that regard. But it’s gotten to a point where Sentinel’s poor judgment and refusal to listen to others puts himself and others in danger. Optimus gave him the opportunity to continue to cause harm to others, and he really wants to sit here and say that Bumblebee was making excuses when he just wasn’t? And he never and would never be called out on this.

One last thing, Ultra Magnus and the rest of the high command clearly don’t give a shit about the cybertronians who were fighting (they were so willing to just kill Arcee for the activation code) in the war and also don’t ever try to investigate any issue further. Potential spy? Eh sure throw him into solitary confinement. One of our top cadets went missing and might have died but no body has been recovered? Well fuck, gotta just say she died and not look into it to make sure there wasn’t any malpractice.

So in conclusion:

The name thing both doesn’t make sense and makes too much sense

Ultra Magnus is kind of a dictator kind of not a dictator

Optimus prime spew’s military bullshit and propaganda and no one cares

Wasp is a dick, didn’t deserve what happened to him

Bumblebee is an asshole, he still didn’t try to ruin a persons life.

No one cares about investigating serious crimes and accusations

[fishyfishyfishtimes]

hey im thinking about going into marine biology for school but is there anything specific i need to know before going in?

sorry if the question is a bit stupid!!!!

No such thing as a stupid question!! Now, I’m not a marine biology student — I’m an environmental and aquatic sciences student — but I suppose it’s close enough. One thing to remember is that a noticeable part of biology degrees also includes other natural sciences, namely chemistry, physics and math! My specific degree, for example, has two compulsory chemistry courses and two compulsory statistics courses, and a wide variety of elective courses in these two subjects! Meanwhile the biology degree some of my friends are pursuing has the same two compulsory chemistry courses and two compulsory math courses. These subjects can be difficult, but they’re super important to know! Our environment and its functions are determined at their core by the laws of physics and the laws of chemistry, they tie into how and why matter acts the way it does, how elements and matter cycle through the environment, how organic compounds are formed and transformed, and so on. It’s good to consider studying them! Mathematics are also so important, as a biologist who may conduct research or otherwise work with information, one must be able to understand data — it’s why I’ve chosen to study statistics as a minor subject, it teaches you how to manage, analyse and present data! All important for a biologist.

Perhaps your degree won’t be the exact same or your educational path will differ from mine! This just came to mind as a thing I think is good to know when pursuing marine biology — or any biology — so it won’t catch you off guard! It sort of came as a surprise to me ^^’’ Otherwise, my degree has been pretty similar to what I’ve expected: it’s a lot of work but it’s work related to interesting topics, and the work is more hands-on with laboratory and field work! It’s wonderful and rewarding and I wish you good luck getting into marine biology! :)

If any marine biology or marine science students would like to add things, that would be wonderful! I know that @eddieintheocean and @ilovecoelacanths study just these subjects, perhaps they have some additional information to give that I wouldn’t know?

[nereidprinc3ss]

Jokes and being 'horny on main' aside I find it so fascinating how many women are drawn to both Spencer Reid and MGG. Like he's not classically handsome, in the way most macho Hollywood men are. He's softer, more poetic looking and his personality is also very unique. I think he feels safe (from what we know anyways), and there's something to be said for why women (especially younger women) go nuts for this kind of smart, goofy, caring guy who is truly weird (more so MGG than Spencer). Yet you'll still have incels on Reddit/Twitter parading the toxic alpha male shit to impressionable men and creating this vicious cycle. There was actually an interesting class I took on Romance novels and how because they're sort of an unexplored medium that hasn't been taken seriously in the cultural zeitgeist until recently it's been able to develop into a safe space for women, written by women. A lot of men call them unrealistic and yes they can lean trope-y and drama-esque but also at their core its about women reading about men that are good communicators, with decent personalities and hygiene

idk WHY he is the most visually appealing man I’ve ever seen, and idk why he has this crazy staying power for me—like normally my celebrity crushes are crazy intense for a few months and then they just disappear one day, but me and matthew are approaching our year anniversary and i see no signs of stopping lol!!

i think personality does have a lot to do with it. mgg is genuinely a weirdo like he’s a weird dude with a lot of heart and he seems really passionate about the things he does. men who care about something outside of themselves, and don’t take themselves too seriously, do tend to make me feel safer. i can’t speak for other women and obviously we don’t know him in real life but if he’s secretly an asshole he does a fantastic job of hiding it!! his sense of humor requires a kind of self awareness and awareness of other people that we don’t usually expect from famous men, and the way he speaks about and interacts w his female friends/coworkers is really amazing too.

idk, obviously we don’t actually know him and i try very much not to idolize people (especially men) who i don’t know. but he’s so funny and seems like an actually kind person who lacks some of the hangups that other male celebrities have and that make them repellant to me

also men saying romance novels are “unrealistic” need to give me a fucking break. women know that the men they read about in romance novels aren’t realistic representations of men in real life but men don’t seem to understand that porn is a fucking joke and not a realistic representation of real women. yet they hold us to those ludicrous standards all the time. until they start thinking about the porn they watch as a complete MADE UP FANTASY the way women think about romance novels i really do not want to hear it from them lmfaooo

especially when our fantasy is being treated respectfully by a good man and their fantasies include anti gravity boobs and removed ribs and viewing women as objects made for their pleasure

can you tell im mad about this…

anyway thank you for sharing your thoughts!! i completely agree<3

[herbofgraceandpeace]

Spoilers for A Deadly Education below:

(I haven’t discovered how to do the read more link on mobile yet, sorry for being a tech loser.)

So I really, really, REALLY enjoyed A Deadly Education! It was such a deeply, richly imagined world, and the exposition of it was done wonderfully through El’s grumpy, sarcastic inner dialogue. I don’t think you could actually justify it as complaining, but it sort of works as an explanation for her breaking the fourth wall.

The characters were so deliciously real and believable all around, not just El! Side note: I love, love, love books with many women characters; they are just like life, which ALSO HAS MANY WOMEN CHARACTERS. I don’t think it has to be just women authors who do this, but it’s telling that they’re usually the ones to do so. Anyway, the boys and girls of this book were such people very teenagers, and it heightened the drama naturally as a result! A lot of the book relies on hierarchies of the kind usually found in school stories, but that wasn’t just a cool gimmick or means to enliven the stakes. It meant that the morality of their actions was much more obvious and undeniably relevant, and that’s such a powerful truth about suffering on its own! It strips back the fripperies of life and requires us to make very real decisions about what our relationship to the people around us. What will we do to survive? Can we survive alone? And what counts as survival? If we sacrifice others to save ourselves, what will be left of us at the end?

I loved the way that El’s internal dilemma centers around her ability to harm others easily and her desire to not do so—and sometimes, painfully but so realistically, her battle with her desire to harm them in retaliation for how she’s been treated. One of my favorite parts of the book was El’s moment of decision on whether or not to fight the maw-mouth; it reminded me strongly of the moment from Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables when Valjean has to decide whether to turn up at the trial of the man who has been misidentified as Valjean himself. In both cases, the protagonist is forced to make an utterly self-sacrificing choice—to choose something which will most likely destroy their life completely in order to save someone in many respects undeserving. The freshmen El was attempting were young, innocent, and helpless, but they had done her no favors, and she knew she would gain little to no benefit from saving them. But she did it anyway!! Just as Valjean has to realize that he can’t keep his position as mayor and do good if it’s built on the unjust suffering of this man. (I’ve no idea if that connection makes sense to anyone but me, but I’m tired and can’t explain better.)

I couldn’t help contrasting this book with Spinning Silver since I just read it, and I have to say I was delighted by how much more open discussion of morality (see the paragraph above lol) there was in this book! Spinning Silver was so action-focused that I’ll have to look deeper to get at its themes, whereas El’s narration AND her character arc brought it all to the surface in A Deadly Education. Another of my favorite moments was El’s thoughts on her own anger with Magnus; there was lots of real, convicting truth there. You cannot fight the cycle of violence, of fear, of hatred with the very same weapons—you can only break it through choosing mercy and justice (paradoxically) and giving of yourself. Which brings me to the delightful Orion Lake! Ladies and gentlemen, a certified Boy. I’m not sure if he could be called a narrative foil to El (I’m so tired help), but it’s interesting to observe the difference in how they go about caring for others. El is jaded; she sees the brokenness of the world and all of its cruelty, and she chooses to help others (by denying herself at all times!) anyway. Orion sees much less of the evil in people and in the systems of the world—but! fascinatingly! he sees the evil in the scholomance system in a way that El doesn’t (or at least isn’t prepared to deal with yet). He can’t be bothered to think about the consequences of saving everyone, but he’s darned well willing to die doing it. I was amused and frustrated with El for not seeing him as a kindred spirit earlier on in the book because they both recognize the fundamental principle that might does not make right, that the strong should not prey on the weak. Yet while El refuses to acknowledge how deep her loyalty to this principle really is, Orion’s thoughtlessness means that he’s blind to the ways he himself is perpetuating the abuse of the weak through the enclave. Delightful stuff, and realistic character conflict born of different perspectives and experiences!

also, did I mention we get sisterhood?? I don’t care if they’re just friends, El and Aadyah and Liu are sisters now. To me.

Basically, it’s a great book, and I can’t wait to read the next ones

[hyumjim]

Oh yeah I have been thinking about this for a while re: overzealous callouts typically targeting trans women. Basically I shudder to think what any of you people would do with even an ounce of institutional power. I have one of those jobs where I’m a mandated reporter of child abuse. And for my job I spend time in people’s homes. And I’ve been doing this job for seven years. If I have good reason to suspect that a child is being abused then I need to call child protective services. You know how many times I have done this over seven years? Twice. And both times it was because a child asked me directly to do it. And I sat with both kids and we called CPS together. In one case this resulted in the cops coming to their house and in the other case, nothing happened. In both cases I stayed with them for as long as I could.

Now, over the years of course I’ve heard a number of questionable things. I’ve thought, yeah, this person is probably hitting their kid. I mean, it happens a lot, and some degree of corporal punishment is still normalized in many homes. I don’t condone that, and I’ve had a lot of conversations with parents about it and suggested many alternatives. But the bottom line is that I cannot be trigger-happy when it comes to calling CPS. CPS is a deeply flawed system. Many of the people I work with are extremely used to having CPS called on them. Truancy from school on its own is enough to open a CPS case and criminalize parents. Abuse absolutely happens and needs to be addressed when it does, but so often, police involvement, system involvement is not the answer. Kids get removed from homes and placed with foster families who can be more abusive, less closely monitored, and don’t even have the relational bond that acts as a protective factor. Parents receive the message that they are unfit to care for their children, which makes them worse as parents, and the cycle continues, etc.

So whenever something that’s questionable comes up, I always speak to my supervisor about it and we discuss whether or not I need to take it to CPS. But the answer is almost always ‘no.’ It’s a last resort, only to be used when absolutely necessary. And even in cases where it’s absolutely a necessity, like the one I mentioned where the cops came? That call resulted in me being cut off from the young person entirely. Because his abusive mother knew that I made the report, and forbade me from ever speaking with him again. Which she can do, because he’s her child. For all I know, nothing came of the investigation and his parents retaliated against him more harshly than before. So do you think I made the right call?

Mind you, I’ve seen all sorts of really fucked-up family dynamics, all kind of patterns of emotional turmoil between families, a lot of parents saying terrible things that I think nobody should say to a child, and vice versa. It’s my job to sit with these things and try to help. Not to call someone to come and take away the problematic person.

The point is that I’ve had to sit and think deeply about when to report abuse, as part of my job, for years and years of my life now. And I see the ease and eagerness with which people on here will smear a trans woman as a pedophile with the flimsiest of evidence (i.e. agreed with another user who turned out to be an abuser; has kinks that are triggering to me personally; has innocuous sfw art on her blog of a teen anime character). And I think wow, if you guys had a job like mine you would be ruining people’s lives frequently. Just something to think about.

[ladylooch]

Loving & Leaving- Part 4

Visit the series page here.

A/N: Now, we are seeing a shift for our little “non- lovers”. And that’s all I’m gonna say about that 😘 Thank you so much for your love and support on this one. It’s been dreamy and exciting!

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: Swearing, lots of vomit talk, pregnancy, angst.

The month of December is hell on earth for event planners. Between your own personal celebrations leading up to the holidays and your client's, you never have a moment to yourself. I’ve seen the inside of my house for a maximum of two hours since I returned back from America. The other times I’ve been there its falling into a pile of exhaustion on my bed before my alarm goes off to do it all over again. My work weeks have transitioned into 70+ hours. At least I know there is light at the end of this tunnel when I return to New Jersey with my parents on Tuesday.

Then, I’ll be able to spend time with them and… hopefully Timo, depending on if I can slip away or not. Communication between the two of us has been limited the last two weeks. I’ve responded to his texts and we have shared a few brief phone calls. At least he’s understanding and supportive. It helps that his season is ramping up and requires a majority of his focus.

We send pictures and TikTok’s, but I haven’t responded to those in five days. I’ve missed every one of his FaceTime calls this week too. Despite my admitted history, I am honestly not avoiding him. The grind of the holiday season is simply catching up with me. I find myself falling asleep the moment I sit down on my couch with a glass of wine. When I’m awake, I feel so overwhelmed that even keeping up with my friends and family here is disappearing from my never ending list. I’m overwhelmed, nearing burn out and honestly, sick. So sick. The last three days, my body has seemingly rejecting all this stress with a nausea I can’t seem to shake.

Which brings me to where I am now, puking, knees quivering on the tiled bathroom floor of an event center for the third time in three days. It’s my last event before Christmas and I’ve spent more time in the bathroom tonight than anywhere else. This is a different kind of sick. It feels like my body is purging everything I put into it before I can get any sort of benefit from it. All I ate was a piece of bread, fast, while rushing back from a dessert emergency in the kitchen. I barely got the last bite down before I was sprinting back to the bathroom.

“What is wrong with me?” I moan, laying the side of my head against the stall. I move to wipe the back of my hand across my mouth. I rest my forearm into my breast and groan at the tenderness. Awareness begins to seep into my thoughts. “No. This is not happening.” I whisper to the empty bathroom.

The door swings open and I grimace, not wanting to have any of the guests of my high-end client hear me. I thought I would have some time alone with the speaking part of the program under way.

“Em, are you okay?” Rhea, my assistant and long-time friend, asks.

“Um.” I pause, pressing the back of my hand furthering into my wet lips. My stomach lurches and I vomit again. I can hear Rhea sigh outside of the stall.

“This isn’t like you.” She says what we are both thinking. I’m rarely sick. This is new. “I’ll be back.” She calls before leaving the bathroom. I sit on my knees, eyes screwed shut, spitting into the toilet. My phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out, seeing Timo’s FaceTime call. I can’t answer that right now. Not when I think… I won’t let myself even finish the thought.

Rhea returns, kicking a pink, pregnancy test box under the stall. The woman on the front grins joyfully. I can’t say I feel the same. I consider denying that I need one of these, but Rhea and I spoke this morning about how weird my cycle has been. I had my period a few weeks ago, but it was almost non-existent. I chalked it up to stress, except… now I’m sick.

“How do you just have one of these?” I mumble, hating that we are both on the same page. 

“At some point, these things are like strips of gum in your purse.” 

We fall quiet.

“This is a low moment for me.” I mutter, ripping the box open. “Taking a… test at a client event is so embarrassing.” I work my way to sitting on the toilet. 

“You need to be able to eliminate this.” She responds, leaning against the bathroom door. I scowl, hearing my phone vibrate against the toilet paper dispenser. I know that’s him again. So does Rhea. He has the same routine. Calls three times and leaves a message on the third. “Interesting timing. At least you'll know who’s baby it is.” I glare at the stall door as I snap the cap of the test back on.

“Can I have a minute here?” Guilt squeezes my throat at how unfriendly my tone sounds. My whole world seems up in the air right now and I just need her to stop talking. 

But the absence of Rhea’s voice makes my phone vibrating louder until it feels like it’s rattling between my ears. A ping echos in the bathroom signaling a voicemail. I grab my phone, listening to his message.

“Hey Em… uh, it’s me again. Look, I know you’re busy but I’m going to be honest this feels like you’re kinda ignoring me. Did I do something? Or… *heavy sigh* I don’t know. Can you just call me? I miss you. We play tonight, but call me.. I’ll pick up. Just… I want to know you’re okay. Bye.”

My bottom lip trembles at the sound of his voice. No. I am not okay, sitting on the floor of this bathroom, trying not to puke again at the reality of the test in my hand. Worried tears build as I sense the two minutes pass. I know the test is ready, can feel it in my shaking hands and the passing of another song from the band beyond this room.

I move my fingers and die at the distinct plus sign that greets me.

“Fuck.” I cry, throwing the test down on the floor. It bounces underneath to the next stall. My abdomen shakes with sobs and terror as I clasp my hand over my mouth. “Fuck.” I say into my palm again, quieter, listening to the classical strings float into the bathroom from the event space. The soft music is an ironic soundtrack to my whole world crashing down on top of me. I look up at the ceiling, tears crawling from the corners of my eyes. They drip into my ears as I shake against the cold floor.

What am I going to do?

How am I going to tell Timo?

A few days later, after arriving in New Jersey for Christmas, I’ve come to the, admittedly, irrational decision that maybe I just won’t. It’s been an exhausting few days that’s accompanied more nausea and tons of smell aversions. One of them is eggs which Nico is innocently frying up for breakfast.

“You want some?” He asks me as he cracks three eggs for himself.

“No.” I can barely respond without gagging.

Our parents went off on their own for a walk around the city and to grab a cup of their favorite coffee. Usually, I would join them, but my stomach has been so touch and go this morning that I didn’t think I could. Nico continues to move the eggs around and they get more fragrant. I try to switch breathing through my mouth, but the smell seems to coat my tongue. My stomach squeezes and I rush from the kitchen with my hand clasped over my mouth. Nico watches my back with confusion. I return to the kitchen wordlessly when I am done, grabbing a glass of water. Nico stares, eyebrows cocked in question.

“Not sure that motion sickness lasts for days, Em. Maybe you need to see a doctor. I can ask one of the team doctors if they can come over?” I’ve already seen a doctor to confirm my pregnancy. And the thought of getting a team official involved has my throat tightening. I come back to the counter, slowly sitting down and rubbing at the tense muscles in my neck. My gaze drifts to the dining room table, grimacing at the reminder it’s one of the places we could have conceived this baby.

I was so stupid to start us down this road. Yes, I’m on the pill. Yes, I take it regularly. No, I have no idea how this happened. When I brought it up to my doctor, she shrugged, saying no birth control options are completely guaranteed. Then she handed me the sonogram I didn’t ask for, that’s now tucked in my suitcase, buried beneath all my clothes.

I watch Nico scrape his eggs onto a plate, then sprinkle more salt and pepper onto the fluffy peaks. He’s right here in front of me, but it feels like we are a thousands of miles apart. Loneliness grips my heart, making my eyes wet as Nico comes to sit by me. The heaviness of being the only person who knows weighs on me. But, here, in his kitchen, I can feel my little brother’s safety being stable enough to take some of that weight from me. I’m going to tell him, I decide as he shuffles his eggs around, spearing a few onto his fork.

“It’s not motion sickness. I’m pregnant.” I tell Nico, who pauses with his eggs at his open mouth. The egg flies off when he exhales sharply. I bite my tongue against the vomit pressing into my esophagus.

“What?” 

“And it’s Timo’s.” I didn’t intend to tell him, but it flew out before I could stop it.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of.” Surprise absorbs my face now. “I know you two fuck around.” He motions at me with his fork. “Have for years. You two are awful at hiding your obsession with each other.” My mouth is slightly slack as he stabs the egg back on his fork. He stuffs it into his mouth and continues while he chews. “Never understood why you wouldn’t go all in.”

“Because I have a life in Switzerland.”

“Yeah, that’s gone now.” He swipes the air in front of me with his fork again, gesturing to the pregnancy. I narrow my eyes at his bluntness and obvious lack of empathy. “What did Timo say when you told him?” I am silent. He brings his brown eyes back to mine, squinting. “You did tell him, right?” More silence “Emma.” He snaps. 

“I just found out.” I defend myself. “Not that I really owe you an explanation.”

“Get dressed.” Nico says, pointing down the hall to my room. “You’re going to tell him now.”

“No, I am not.”

“Yes, you are. It should have been your first stop when you got here.”

“I can’t just show up at his-”

“Are you keeping his baby?” He cuts me off. A heavy inhale pulls my lips apart.

“Yes.” I say without question. It never crossed my mind to not go through with this.

“Then get downstairs.” His voice is final, like there is no reason to continue to argue further with him.

“When did you stop being my protector?” I grumble while rising to leave the counter. 

“Who says I stopped?” His stare is pointed. “Go.” His tone has softened at the obvious tears in my eyes. “I wouldn’t send you if I didn’t think it would be okay.”

I try to remember those words as I stare at Timo’s apartment door seven minutes later. I thought about texting him, but then there would be so much small talk and I can’t do that right now. I contemplate bailing, but my brother comes to mind, knowing he’s going to expect a report from the conversation when I return.

“Damn you, Nico.” I mutter as I raise my hand to knock.

I wait for a minute, maybe two, gripping the sleeves of my sweatshirt in my hands. No sound comes from the other side of the door. I think I might get off easy. I even turn to head back towards the elevator. Then the sound of the lock flipping halts me. My stomach drops out of my body, hitting the floor and flopping around in unease.

“Hey.” Timo is breathless as he opens the door. He is wearing a pair of jeans, waistband of his Calvin Klein underwear taut against his abdomen. He stands shirtless in the entry way, rubbing a towel over his hair. The brown strands flop against his forehead as he looks expectantly at me. He looks so sexy, warm and welcoming, with a gentle familiarity. “Didn’t realize you were in Jersey.” He becomes obviously tiffed, understandable since I dropped off the face of the planet… again.

“Yeah.” My voice is breaking, so I clear my throat. “I’ve been here for a couple of days.” I say, fingers twisting the cotton tighter in my palms.

“Ah.” His voice goes flat and he looks away in annoyance. “So we are back to you ignoring me?” I shake my head, dropping my eyes to the floor. I feel queasy and start shaking. I hope he can’t tell.

“Can I come in?” He pauses, dropping the towel down to his side, like he might not let me. But him and I both know that’s now how it goes with us. The smell of his cologne is strong with my heightened senses and I cough in discomfort as I walk past him.

“I’m going to get a shirt.” He disappears down the hall, coming back in a black t-shirt that hugs his body. He runs his fingers through his wet hair while looking at me. “I don’t have long. I’m… meeting a friend.” I stare at him, wondering if it’s a friend of the female variety. I really don’t have a right to ask, so I don’t. My gaze drops to the couch. “It’s just Kevin, Em. The Kings are playing the Islanders.” He crosses his arms and leans back against the island of his kitchen well across the room from me. His biceps bulge against the fabric as he studies me. “You don’t look like you came here for small talk. What’s up?”

“I’m pregnant.” It’s abrupt. I know. Almost too fast for him to catch in real time, but I can’t hold it in anymore. The words are too full and tumble from my mouth in a rush. My heart shutters with each anxious beat. I bravely lift my eyes back to him.

Timo seemingly glitches. He is confused, not quite understanding, like he wants to ask me to repeat what I said. Then, I watch as the registration gradually fills his body. He begins to stand taller, eyebrows dashing up his forehead. When it clicks, his blue eyes widen in alarm.

“Mine?” He asks quietly. I try not to flinch at the question, realizing he will, logically, want a paternity test. He has assets and money and a career to protect. Funny, I thought being pregnant without a boyfriend was the most shameful thing I’ve done in my life. I think that experience is going to top it. Eventually, I nod in response as tears fill my eyes. He pushes out a loaded breath that fills my chest with discomfort. I look briefly back to his face, seeing a million emotions dash across his features, none of them actually registering.

I can’t watch him process anymore. I begin to soothe myself with internal thoughts. It doesn’t really matter what he wants from this. I’ve already made my decision. I’m only here because Nico forced me. I cross my arms over my tender chest, walking towards the windows to see the city skyline. Tears distort the buildings together. I’m collapsing under so many different emotions. It’s like I’m seeing that plus sign all over again.

A drop slides from my left eye, gradually dragging down my cheek. I reach my hand up, flicking it away. My teeth dig into my trembling lip as I sniffle. Timo’s hand comes along my upper back, wrapping around my neck and gliding me into his body.  His other hand wraps around my waist as he buries his face into my cheek. I enclose my arms around him, shoving my face into his chest and releasing my suffocating sobs into his shirt.

“I’m freaking out.” I squeak.

“I know. It’s going to be okay.” Even as his voice shakes, he is so, so gentle with me. His hands press me into his body like he wants to absorb and shield me. “What do you want to do?” He whispers into my hair. “It’s your choice.”

“I’m gonna do this… I’m keeping the baby. ” I tell him. I can feel his body deflate beneath me. For a moment, I don’t know why, but then he presses his face deeper into my hair, kissing my scalp with feathery kisses meant to soothe.

“Okay. I’m happy to hear that.”

I nod, glad that he isn’t pressuring me any which way. I don’t think I could handle his anger with me for wanting to see this through.

“Em, I’m here. You don’t have to do this alone.” I begin to tremble in his arms. He’s not even questioning further about this being ours. “Does Nico know?”

“Yeah. About everything. He is why I am here.” 

“You weren’t going to tell me?” He stiffens, pain deepens his voice which makes me feel like shit.

“I.. well yeah, but maybe when we ran into each other in July and I was 9 months pregnant.” I pull back, tilting my chin to see his face. It’s calm and measured, which helps soothe some of the turmoil in me. He reaches up for my cheeks, stroking his thumbs to collect my tears.

“July?”

“Yeah, I confirmed everything at the doctor on Monday. I’m due July 26th.”

“Off-season.” He murmurs with appreciation. “Most NHL couples plan for years to get a July birthday.” I look away with a scrunched nose at the word couple, causing a heavy sigh to drop his shoulders. “Can we agree right now that you’re going to stop fighting the way you feel about us? Please. For our kid?” He says it so casually, like he’s used to and accepted the idea of our kid. My heart grows in my chest for him.

“Becoming a mom isn’t the only thing I’m terrified of.” I confess.

“Baby, I’ve promised you since day one that I would take care of you. I’m not going to let anything hurt you, including me.” He is so sure as he speaks to me. I drop my forehead back to his chest.

“Do you really want this?” I whisper to him, even as he wraps me tighter into his arms, tears dashing down my cheeks again. “You don’t have to do this.” I pull back, reaching up to hold his face in my hands. My thumbs rippling his skin with their pressure.

“You’re all I’ve wanted for years.” He presses our lips together. I cry into his mouth, feeling overwhelmed with everything that has and will happen between us. I feel like I don’t deserve this. Not his sweetness or his understanding at our situation.

“I’m sorry.” I bubble out between sobs. He runs his hand up my back to my head, encouraging my forehead to rest against his shoulder as he rocks us gently. There’s a whole laundry list I could apologize for, but I start with the big one. “I shouldn’t have taken the condom away from you. This is all my fault.”

“Weird, I thought I was the one who came inside of you… three times.” He chuckles at the memory.

“I encouraged it.”

“We both did.” He takes his share of the blame easily from me. 

“I didn’t mean for this to happen.” I need him to know that.

“I know, Emma. You’ve been trying to get out of loving me for years. You would never do this on purpose.” I stare at him with blurred vision, blinking so the tears fall down my cheeks. Now I can see him clearly, looking at me like he might finally get the chance to love me for the rest of our lives. I swallow hard, then let myself surrender to him for good.

“I’ve loved you for a really long time, T.” I hum, eyes brightening in earnest with my confession.

He smiles because unlike me, he already knew that.

[yourlocalscallywag]

KinitoPET theory (spoilers)

So I’m still obsessed with Kinitopet and there’s been these small theories I’ve had on it. But lately I’ve been trying to connect some things and I think this could be a plausible theory.

So, when we start up the game for the first time (and sometimes afterwards) it has a power button on the screen as many of you know. Seems pretty strange, right? And once you click it, your screen fades to black, showing an old 1990’s-early 2000’s computer. It will ask for you a password, This makes me think we are entering another world in a way, a web world one could say. But here’s the thing. That computer we put the password in is not our computer, like the one we are playing on. It seems like it is someone else’s.

So let’s think. Not our computer. We enter a “different world” (on our true computer). What does this allude to? Sonny.

So, if you don’t know the Sonny lore, here’s what I personally think it is/means. Sonny seemed to be the one who made Kinito. He started with one line of code, but that seemed to spiral out of control for some reason. Soon, it became Kinito. Now, I am unsure whether Kinito and Sonny were ever good friends, but I like to think they were. In the odd email you receive titled “IT’S NOT TOO LATE”, you will find that, once decoded using a scramble decipher, there’s something of interest at the end of the email. It says, “I fear that when we delete the server. . . you. . . you will delete me?”

Hmm, delete? That’s sure interesting. Speaking of deleting, does deleting things pop up again in the game? Yes! In the true ending, you delete Kinito and the world in that computer that isn’t ours. Speaking of that computer, isn’t it odd that we “know” the password (as it works every time)? My conclusion to this is that we play as Sonny, and that the computer at the start is his, we know his password, and we can delete things like him

Now wait, you’re probably thinking, “why would he leave emails for himself?” Simple. Everytime he finishes the game on choosing to stay or not stay with Kinito, the cycle resorts, making him forget everything, so he left clues for himself, like the emails.

So, we, the player, are Sonny. But what about Kinito? Well, I think I know who he actually is, as well as his friends.

Kinito fourth wall breaks a lot, that’s for sure. He also tries to stop and distract you from finding clues to the true ending, aka trying to stop you from hurting him and his friends. He is aware you delete him in the true end, and obviously knows how to code, so he knows he’s in a “game”.  Also, speaking of his friends, something is very interesting about them. Jade is a scientist, so nerdy and whatnot. She builds things, and is green. Sam is, well, Sam, and orange. Notice how when you click on the body bag in the decor section of the mini game, your mouse moves on its own, and that it’s constantly moving.  Remember this for later. Now, I believe it is Jade who, when going through the Factory Frenzy scare, says “I’m here again, aren’t I?” She seems to be aware she is also in some sort of cycle, or game.

Last but not least I want to point out that they all seem to know they are trapped in their own world. In the hidden area when interacting with the fountain in the Web World, it will get all dark and gloomy, and a track from the OST will play called “Deep Below the Code.” Notice how it says “below”. Keep that in mind.

So, I have my conclusion. Think about all the points discussed. They forget but remember small things every reset cycle, they know they are trapped below the code, Kinito knows he’s in a simulation/game, Jade is green and is a scientist, Sam is orange and your cursor constantly moves during the body bag scene, you befriend all of the characters, and, during the true ending, you help them all “escape” (even if it’s in death).

My last point is the creator’s name, troy_en. Counting the letters. There are 7 including the underscore. What other name has 7 letters? Toby Fox. What else has 7? The 7 human souls in undertale. So, my theory is that Kinito is actually sans in an alternate timeline, and that you are the player who can free them from being trapped below the surface, aka the code. Or, if you choose to play again, you can reset the cycle. Jade must be the alternate alphys, being a scientist, and that she has a kind soul, hence her being green. Sam might be another character, maybe papyrus, who has a brave soul, hence the constant moving of your cursor, just like you have to constantly move through orange attacks in undertale. Anyways, I hope you liked the theory and feel free to discuss, and I wish you all a happy april first and whatnot. This theory has gotten very long and now my fingers are falling off.

[bunmellos]

Hi!! Huge fan of your artwork and I’ve been following you for a while now!

I was wondering if you had any advice for people wanting to become music majors/professional musicians? I’m currently a senior in high school and I want to play saxophone professionally, but the thought of entering the “music world” (which many people have said is unstable and hard to make money in) scares me a little. If there’s any advice you can give on college and life as a musician I’d love to hear it!

aah thank you!! music is definitely a difficult field to get started in. the culture around our instruments and repertoire are pretty different but here’s a couple tips that are universal:

1. whether they’re required or not, try to fit some pedagogy(teaching) classes into your curriculum. teaching is one of the best ways to ensure you have a steady income, which is really hard to come by as a freelance musician and/or someone fresh out of college. teaching privately allows you to set your own schedule, rates, and policies, and personally i think it’s very rewarding to watch your students grow and get to know all sorts of people :> middle schoolers are really fun to interact with LOL

2. try to build relationships with your peers, instructors, and community members. this one is really important in my opinion! iirc pretty much all the gigs ive booked came about because i was recommended/invited by a friend or mentor, and my good relationship with local orchestra teachers led them to recommend me to their students for private lessons. how you play is definitely important, but networking is one of the most vital skills for a musician to have

3. in a similar vein, try to jump on opportunities even if they’re daunting! usually they aren’t as bad as you think they’ll be (i get crazy anxious when i go into a new situation or even when preparing for first rehearsals of a concert cycle, so i’m still working on this one lol)

4. don’t limit yourself to /just/ performance. i’ve known lots of fantastic musicians who manage different aspects of a professional ensemble, do instrument maintenance, etc., while still playing on the side. one of the most rewarding jobs i’ve ever had was when i worked in a music store as a string specialist. i learned what makes a quality instrument, differences in materials, basic string repair, even a little bit about winds and brass (as a violinist i still can’t believe brass players bathe their instruments O_O)

as for school itself, i think the most important thing is that you get along with your private teacher, since they’ll be your closest collaborator. take lots of auditions and take advantage of the built in rehearsal+practice time! i rushed through school as fast as possible because despite its wonderful music program i Hated my university and where it was located and i’m still kicking myself for graduating asap instead of taking my time.

currently i definitely take a defensive approach to being a musician. as you’ve probably noticed, most of my advice leans on leaving yourself other options in case playing professionally full-time doesn’t work out. obviously i don’t know the full extent of your situation but most people don’t get the performance job they hope for straight out of school- music programs are notoriously bad for failing to set their graduates on a steady career path, which unfortunately is just how it goes with the arts. i’m still trying to figure out what i want to do and i constantly have to remind myself that my life isn’t over just because i’m not soloing with orchestras around the world or whatever at 23 years old; im still growing as a musician even after graduating with a degree and i have my whole life to improve !! which i think is one of the most important things to remember

i think that’s about it for now but let me know if you have any other questions :] good luck!!

[takeyourcyanide]

This is going to be difficult for me to coherently put, but I’ll try.

The Mind Electric (Miracle Musical) means a lot to me - which is really saying something. I’ve been religiously listening to it for years now, and I only wish I could’ve discovered it sooner, as little me would’ve been astounded at just how relatable it was. It would’ve been a sort of comfort, just as it is now.

I don’t know if this was what they were going for when writing the song, but it is possibly the most accurate and respectful depiction of schizophrenia I have ever seen within any form of media. And it’s only more impressive if none of the members of the band happen to be on the schizophrenic spectrum themselves.

(A lot of rambling about the lyrics and shit and the song below the cut)

I don’t even know where to begin with the song itself. It is the most profound and excellent piece of art I have ever had the pleasure of listening to. It expertly tells its story through not only what are some of the best lyrics I have ever heard, as someone who listens to everything under the sun, but also through all of the background noises and conversations that even play during the singing itself. The distortions are representative of not only fading, incoherent, burning (caretaker reference), and non-chronological memories, but also the desire to possibly not think of oneself in a certain way or simply not seeing oneself in a particular light (the referring to himself as insane) but being forced to, or struggling to recall one’s memories. The way in which the song builds up, only to hit at the end is masterful. The way in which he begs, he pleads for just a semblance of sympathy and understanding - for the help he has become so utterly desperate for… There are no words that can convey what I’d like to express. The background noises can also be representative of not only the electric chair (various zaps and such), but also hearing whispers and indiscernible sounds at random times (schizophrenia). I love how they depict just how the judgmental, pompous, and stigmatizing nuns, judges, and doctors can ultimately be, especially towards those with a mental illness - like in the lyric “here in my kingdom I am your lord I order you to cower and pray.” In the lyric video, pray flashes between pray and prey, which can be interpreted as both these mental health professionals preying on their patients, especially at the time the electric chair was thought to be a good form of treatment, but can also be interpreted as your own brain preying upon you, you being the prey in its kingdom. Oh and this also goes along with the line “condemn him to the infirmary.” It is detailing how patients are treated in psychiatric wards and hospitals and such, of course. Perhaps it’s a bit of both. They wonderfully depict how cognitive decline feels - how it feels to observe as you agonizingly deteriorate before your own two eyes, and how no one seems to understand what is ultimately happening, simply settling on essentially torturing you (electric chair), not taking you seriously or listening to you because you’re below them and “insane.” I love how, at the end, he says “Doctor, I can’t tell if I’m not me.” A constant in and out, losing yourself and gaining yourself back momentarily, only to feel yourself being taken away by the static once more. You’re too distracted by the incessant noise, by how difficult it is to simply live to even bother with whatever you used to, only making it more difficult to live - a constant cycle, a constant battle. By the end, there will only be a shell of what was once you. You can either accept their “miracle cures” or die. You can tiene accept their scrutiny or face the most horrifying death imaginable. Because you have to live and watch as you still have your body, but not longer yourself. I love the line “see how your brain plays around and you fall inside a hole you couldn’t see.” Precisely. You don’t even realize when you fall into the hole. Things are just exponentially worse, but it’s as though it’s always been that way, and you know no else. “Please help me understand what’s going on inside my mind.” At this point, you’re willing to accept their medication, their torture, because you can’t fucking take it anymore. It’s a desperate plea. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I so different? Why I am struggling so much? You cry out for help only to be either turned away or judged throughout treatment, treated like a dog needed to be whipped into submission.

And GOD do I love “see how the serfs work the ground and they give it all they’ve got and they give it all they’ve got and you give it all you’ve got til you’re down.” BECAUSE YES. Absolutely. You give it everything, but you’re essentially fighting a losing battle. You walked into a war you knew you were going to lose and fought like hell anyway, only to end up institutionalized, or unable to simply exist anymore.

Just every single lyric. Every single fucking lyric. I could go on about this forever with anyone who would be willing to listen. I have more to say.

Not to mention nuns being involved, as religion was often viewed as its own cure if I’m not mistaken, like schizophrenics used to be thought of as demon possessed. It’s clear this is set somewhere in most likely the nineteenth century, as many source say electric chairs/electroconvulsive therapy were in use primarily from the 30s to the 70s. They declined in the 60s and 70s, but apparently saw a resurgence in the 80s. Anyway. The way it begins with the whole song in reverse? Anyway, I am done for now.

[novantinuum]

Fluid musings about the trailer that I’m still continuously adapting after sitting on the thoughts for a while and peering around at other people’s interpretations...

ONE: The Ouroboros as part of the title card.

Many have said it before, but I think the chances of BotW Link and Zelda either being connected to, deeply influencing the actions of, or BECOMING ancient Link and Zelda is very likely now.

One definition for the meaning of this symbol is: “a gnostic and alchemical symbol that expresses the unity of all things, material and spiritual, which never disappear but perpetually change form in an eternal cycle of destruction and re-creation.” This theme lines up really well with the reincarnation cycle of Legend of Zelda, and with the idea that our BotW Link and Zelda we know may change form in some way to become part of the beginning of their own cycle.

I do think it’s INCREDIBLY relevant to mention that the traditional ouroboros is one serpent eating its own tail, but this logo has two serpents eating each other’s tails. This brings me a lot of hope that Zelda will have a role in this game just like Link- it won’t be just ONE of them connected to the past, it’ll be both of them.

TWO: This may not be Zelda.

This figure’s pose reminds me a lot of Ganondorf’s body caught in an uncomfortable stasis underground. The hair looks different by the ear and there is a necklace seen that isn’t with the figure below, which seems more likely to be a Zelda. It also doesn’t look like there is a collar piece on the figure below’s outfit, but there is here. Or... it could be just weird little differences in the mural + perspective, who knows.

THREE: I’m very curious if there is some plot reason for these dead trees at the right.

The trees on the island ahead are all filled with vibrant life, golden leaves... and the trees on the island to the right are... void of life. The landscape there looks a lot more rugged and barren. Is there a reason for this? Will this be a progressive change on these islands above... symbolizing corruption, or are there simply different types of scenery across all the islands?

FOUR: What are these for??

The new item hanging on Link’s belt in place of the Sheikah slate is this funky little device. There look to be eight slots in which these glowing green canisters can hang. The golden decorations on the canisters have the same aesthetic as Link’s new arm. In this shot, four of the slots are filled, and the others are empty. If it’s hanging in place of the slate, then does this have a gameplay mechanics relation? Or could it be a storage solution for whatever main plot collectables Link needs to obtain via dungeons? Or... a 4 spirit orbs = power up situation, where you need to fill all canisters to get an upgrade?

I’m also very curious where and from whom Link gets this from.

FIVE: Hylia? Someone else? Tears?

Who is this? Is that headpiece their face, or a magnificent mask? It kind of reminds me of a moth, in design. I’ve been seeing a lot of folks say this could be a depiction of Hylia, but the design doesn’t entirely resemble what we’ve seen of her, IMO. I’m more suspicious it could be someone entirely new. Regardless though, this figure seems to be holding aloft seven tear shapes, which might be the titular “tears of the kingdom.”

But what ARE the tears of the kingdom? What power may they hold? What would happen should they be stripped away? Is this figure offering them, or taking them? Is this figure friend or foe?

I previously went “omg what if this figure on the left is ancient Link” but now I can see the same hair and headpiece motifs as in the previous photo. They’re the same person. And the figure on the right is making some sort of contact with Ancient Zelda (?), and there are two twin tears above them. Is this a peace offering? A draining of energy? A meeting of allies? A meeting of enemies? It’s hard to say as of now. And are these two of the seven tears seen above, or two extra tears? Do the tears represent places or people, or are they actual obtainable objects?

Many, many questions.