#i'll try my best to work in this i promise 😔

[kobb4ni2]

[ GENDER NEUTRAL (?) FEM (?) READER ]

My Marine! Reader who is very popular, and for the sake of this idea I’m going to give her as a Vice Admiral. I CAN HEAR YALL BOOING OKAY I KNOW SO BASIC LEAVE ME ALONE😔😔

TW: Imagine Gojo fans….but make them Marine!Reader fans. !!! Also I haven’t watch Film Red but I guess there’s some sort of internet platform to share vids or an internet overall, soo take this sh!t talk with salt.

Marine! Reader is a calm and nurturing person, their charisma with their hard working self made them a deserved Vice Admiral. Ever since you sailed out to the sea you’ve attracted many eyes, may it be admiration because of your strength , or awed because of your undeniable beauty even in battle. And even if you’re not in a mission you would always use your heavy berries (YOU’RE A VICE ADMIRAL U HAVE TO GET THOSE BIG BERRIES) to re-visit the town that you just saved, being responsible to the damages and paying for all of it. People there had to rub their eyes to make sure that you were the correct person. When you were in your white layer clothes you would be calm and try your best to be nonchalant making sure that you were deep engrave on your job but when you visited and started making small talk people were shocked! Over time the civilians you’ve saved from the many villages or small islands you’ve saved have accepted you to their communities. They would make small banquets whenever you arrive, even though you told them several times to not do it, they will always go against your words and hope that you eat well.

Kids would play with you even with your intimidating height, they would swing on your arms and whenever you try to leave they would grab on your legs to slow you down, the kids parents might have been worried but when they saw you intriguing them with a smile in your face they immediately calmed their nerves. Grandmas and Grandpas would always pinch the vice admiral’s cheeks, and since they were normal civilians you had to bend down to make squish your cheeks. (IM GETTING CARRIED AWAY IM SORRY)

But back to plot. Your calming and nurture personality, your beauty that could shine in battle has captured many eyes of other marine, civilians or even pirates! And this where the one piece internet goes in.

Aight imagine someone made an edit of Marine! Reader, it could be you fighting, or even doing an official interview! Cool right! But if anyone ever opens the comment section it would be just filled with the most ATROCIOUS, MOUTH GAPING, EYES OUT THE SOCKET down bad comments💀💀 here's some examples.

-

Marine! Reader's Fav pet (real!): "The way that it started getting bricked up like its Bob the builder is crazy 😅‼️(I don't even have a wee wee)"

<3: "ten minutes in the room with them and one is walking out pregnant, and it's not gonna them (I'm a dude)"

hewwo:3 : "JUST THE TIP [NAME] PLEASE IM ON MY FUCKING KNEES, IM SO DESPRATE PLEASE😭😭‼️‼️"

Marine! Reader's bewbs mole: "TILL THE WALLS (not the room) IS COVERED WHITE!!!"

[FOR FEM MARINE!READER] ammniaa: "Want their strap inside of me so bad, that i might think that I'm pregnant brooo😞😞😞"

Astro laddie : "My flaps started clapping out of excitement <3"

Star 4 her: "All lubed up and ready to serve 💓💓"

Beeheaver: "Man I don't care if they're 14'9 tall, ITS GONNA WORK I PROMISE😈😈‼️‼️‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥"

In Marine!Reader I thrust!: "Yes [NAME]~ There~ I'm sensitive there!~ Nghh~~

Marine! Reader's bloody bandages: "CMON [NAME] I CAN'T DO ALL THE WORK MY SELF, MY FINGERS HURTS😾💢"

reimikoba: "My muscle memory will always remember their fingers and tongue (＾▽＾) "

pantsonfire: "Not a fishman but, damn whenever I see them in my screen, it's natural habit suddenly is water from their-"

scary monsterz: "bend over and ready, warm and cozy, toys and liquid on sight"

-

Aw man if yandere [character] ever fins out how popular their beloved Marine! Reader is, they would make sure to cut the wifi GLOBALLY

I'll just end it here, cuz I feel like this is just a stupid ass idea 💀 yall can give me some brain juice aka asks 4 thus doe :3

The edit video I was thinking about when I was making this. (I can't do velocity edits just transition and tweeing💀)

[kurogane2512]

hii! can i request Navia x fem reader where navia is possessive of the reader u can make it fluff or nsfw up to u pls🥹💗 i just love her sm now and there’s not much navia ff yet😔

HII IM SO SORRY FOR BEING LATE AHCIEQIDC

Game: Genshin Impact

Characters: Navia x fem!reader

Type: Fluff

The prophecy had come to a pass in Fontaine and people were allowed to live freely and without fear now. You were on your way to the Court of Fontaine to start your daily duty as a Garde when a familiar sweet voice called out to you.

"Oh, Y/n!! There you are!" You knew who it was all too well- Navia, your best friend.

"Navia? You are up early to—"

"Hey, listen to me! Can you accompany me to an interview later today?!" Navia interrupted as she beamed in a joyful tone and affectionately held your arm.

"W-Woah, what sort of interview?"

"Ah, Charlotte wants to interview me after all the recent events with the prophecy and my father's case, you know? I just thought of asking you to come along and perhaps you can also put in a word or two?"

You blushed feeling her so close to you, your arm pressed into her chest as she leaned on you and looked at you with puppy eyes.

"You just have to go to The Steambird, right? Do you really need me to accompany you?"

"Oh, come on, don't be shy! I'll tell her to not take photos of you, you can just stand nearby and I promise I'll be done quickly~"

You averted your gaze and struggled to reply, you weren't against going but you also had your own duties to do. Navia sensed your discomfort and felt dejected then leaned away from you.

".....Unless, I'm interrupting your work. Haha, sorry, I got a bit carried away with my own needs. But I would love for you to come."

Ah, there it was. That look and that smile that always made you agree to her no matter what. You let out a sigh then nodded, "It's fine, I'll have someone cover my shift. When do we leave?"

Navia's eyes widened in excitement and she lunged at you in an embrace, "You are the best, Y/n! Thank you so much!!"

You blushed more as she giggled and continued embracing you, you slowly wrapped your arms around her and patted her back.

"Yes yes, enough of that. Tell me the time we leave, I'll come to pick you up."

"Ah! It's at 11 am, you can meet me at 10:30 outside the base~"

You agreed with a nod and she giggled further, "Hehe, thank you, partner!~"

Then she dashed away as quickly as she came. Navia was always like that, but you found her recent behaviour slightly strange. This wasn't the first time in the past few days that she came up to you this way and clung on with some excuse, even inviting you for lunch or dinner during or after your shifts. You weren't blind to notice the absence of her usual 2 guards, Melus and Silver, then after a bit of digging you found out they died recently.... Was Navia trying to find comfort in you?

You reached outside her base at 10:30 as decided and she came out within a few seconds, all dressed up in her beautiful attire and carrying her gunbrella. She was quick to interlace your fingers with hers and pulled you towards The Steambird HQ, clearly excited for the interview but you wondered if she was masking her sadness all this time by acting this way. Charlotte was already waiting and immediately escorted you to her office and started interviewing Navia while you stood outside and waited.

"I must admit though, Navia is really suited for these things.... She shines so brightly and her smile is so contagious, to think that she cried back when all those things happened.... I should have been there for her."

You looked down and remembered Navia's state from 3 years ago when her father died and continued to be falsely accused, tarnishing her name and reputation. You helped her investigate as much as possible, even using your position in the Gardes to gather sensitive information but nothing ever worked until recently when the truth finally came out and she felt relieved. Yet, the happiness was short lived as she lost her 2 other close companions soon after.

"Thank you, Charlotte! Hey hey, I brought Y/n with me, do you want to ask something from her?~" Navia mused as she stood up and proceeded to come out with Charlotte, ready to head to the photograph studio.

"Ah— n-no, I can't answer anything so it's better you don't try." you refuted making Navia giggle and Charlotte decided to not pursue you either. You watched their photo session carry on and waited outside when suddenly Navia called you in and held your arm closely again.

"Hey, take one photo with me, Y/n! I promise, just one is enough and it won't be published anywhere! It's... just for our memories!"

You were against the proposition but if it would make Navia happy then you would accept. As promised, Charlotte only took one perfect little picture and immediately gave 1 copy to each of you then you bid farewell to her and came out.

"Want to have lunch together, Y/n? I'll book a table at Hotel Debord~"

"Ah, I'll have to return to my shift now. Some other day, perhaps."

"Is that so? Fine then, we'll have dinner together!~"

Navia dashed away before you could reply in any manner and all you could do was sigh and accept her. Later in evening, you were standing at your post when you saw Lyney and Lynette around the area and they soon came up to you to chatter away. Lynette was quiet the whole time but she was attentive to everything you said, her tail standing upright most of the time. You weren't sure what this indicated.

Around the same time, Navia approached the venue and saw you with both of them and she couldn't help but notice Lynette's upright tail and her lightly flushed expression, she immediately understood what Lynette was thinking and a surprising neediness came over her. She knew it was wrong but she wanted you all to herself. She ran up to you three and affectionately hugged you from the side while greeting them both, making Lynette slightly surprised at the physical contact but she gave no significant reaction. Lynette was too good in hiding her expressions, after all.

"N-Navia! You are already here? It's only evening!"

"Aww, Y/n, I was just wanting to see you and talk to you! And look I made you favorite macrons too!"

"Navia, I'm still on duty. I can't slack around this way...."

Lyney and Lynette soon left watching you two converse with each other, not wanting to interrupt. Navia released her hold around you and smirked to herself before stepping away a little, but still being quite close.

"Sorry, I don't mean to bother you. I really have made macrons so come and eat with me when you get free, okay?~"

"Navia, you.... Why are you doing all this?"

"Hm? What do you mean, Y/n?"

You sighed, "Look, it's no use pretending otherwise. I have noticed it a lot by now. You are acting..... different, strange even. Is there something you are trying to hide?"

Navia looked at you wide-eyed then forced a smile and averted her gaze, "What are you talking about, Y/n? I'm Spina di Rosula's boss, I have many things to do!~"

"That's not what I meant. Tell me...." you paused then cupped her face from one side, "....What is on your mind? Are you upset about something? Sad even?"

Navia was further shocked and struggled to reply then you continued, "Is it about.... Melus and Silver?"

Ah, seems you hit right on spot. Navia's eyes squinted and gave a bitter smile, "Nothing escapes you, Y/n. It's pathetic, isn't it? I know they both died honorably and I would forever cherish them in my heart but.... but they became like family to me after my father died."

You knew something was up with her. You looked around then hastily pulled her away into an empty ally then gently embraced her, catching her off-guard.

"It's not pathetic, I understand, Navia. You miss them, there's nothing wrong with that. And I'm sorry I haven't been a great friend during this time, I should have done more...."

"N-No, you are wrong, Y/n! I know you care and you do enough already. It's just I....I get lonely when I'm away from you, and I get this strange feeling of envy seeing you with others....."

"....Is that what happened earlier with Lyney and Lynette?"

Navia slowly nodded, "You are really dense, Y/n. But yes, that's what it was. I....I don't want to lose you too, you are the only one I have no aside from Spina di Rosula!"

Navia tightened her embrace and started sobbing on your shoulder, burying her face in your neck and you simply held her the whole time to let her pour her heart out. You decided it was time for you to act on your feelings.

"Listen, Navia.... I don't know if this is what you want to hear right now but I'll say it. I will always be there for you and support you, I will be there whenever you need someone, whenever you feel sad and want to let it out to someone. Whatever it is, I'll always be there. Because.... I love you, Navia. Not as a friend but more.... Would you like us to date....?"

Your face was red saying all that and Navia couldn't believe her ears, she let out a small gasp before softly chuckling and embracing you again.

"It's not what I expected to hear but it is much better than anything I expected.... Me too, Y/n. I love you as well, I would be very happy to date you~"

You looked at her shock but softly smiled then she leaned in to connect your lips in a soft kiss, your lips cuddling with each other in perfect harmony before she pulled away with a sigh and gazed at you lovingly.

"Stay with me tonight, Y/n. I want to.... do so much more with you."

[wannabelife]

hello! could i please req hard dom seungkwan with a corruption kink? with really messy sex and multiple rounds of cum stuffing/creampie and then watching it inside you?

aaaa that's hard that's hard, i'll do my best 🫡🫡 i hope you like it !! im sooo so so sorry for taking so long with this 😔

warnings: fem reader, dirty talk, semi public, food play

"hmm it tastes good, do you want it?" you hum and seungkwan without much thinking just stare you down.

he doesn't know why you would choose this dress in the first place. its not like you're out together just the two of you, you're on a social event with your colleagues.

he's already watching you when you're happily getting the ice cream they're offering around before coming to him.

"sure" he says, his voice coming in a much lower tone. him having a hard time not being affected.

you offered the ice cream to him, some of it getting stuck at the sides of his mouth as you giggle at him. and fuck, how cute you sound.

he presses his thumb on the corner of his lips, cleaning the ice cream that is now on his finger. he places it to your lips as you out of habit suck the remain sweet. you just realize what you've done, once he swears under his breath after it.

"seungkwan..." you say, your cheeks getting red and hot as you feel shy "behave, please"

he smiles, hugging you to him "you should too" he says.

"what!? im doing nothing!" you defend, still flushed.

"you're so cute, i wanna ruin it" he shoots back as your core clench and you're all red. he takes another bite of the ice cream before you finish it up, handing to the waiter that passed by.

"babe, can we fuck?" he says, leaning to the crotch of your neck.

he's staring down and you have to follow his line of sight because he looks like he's staring at your tits. when you look down, you can see a bit of strawberry ice cream starting to drip down on your skin. before you can think about it, seungkwan is diving right in. he spreads his tongue flat on the line of your breast, cleaning the ice cream from it, sucking until its all gone. but he isnt satisfied just yet, he goes down a bit more, teasingly pressing a long kiss to your clothed nipple above the dress. as he's staring back at it, he sees it hardening, marking the material. he smirks and looks back at you again, you're all red and hotness rushing through your body. seungkwan feels his cock tightening, he's getting frustrated and impatient.

"seungkwan!" you exclaim, gripping his hair slightly to push him off, but the motion just makes him grunt, wanting to get closer.

"it will be quick, i promise. we can go to a more private place" he keeps trying to convince you.

"are you crazy?" you laugh nervously as if it was a joke but its far from that.

"please, babe, i have a boner" he states and your mouth hangs open. for you, you did literally nothing, how can he get arousal right now.

but you ease it, you let him lead you further the wood, where there's no one but you two. he starts kissing you as your back meets the most far away flowered brick on this place.

its already messy, the kiss getting sloppy when he unattached your lips, going down with his kisses.

"you're a freak, boo seungkwan" you say, your chest already heaving with the intensity.

his hands caressing up your legs, under the dress "you look too cute in that dress, can't help it" he spread his fingers on your clothed core and you whimper in surprise.

he goes up, caressing your lower belly now, before sliding his hands under your panties. he slips his fingers up and down, massaging your clit here and there as you get wetter each second. you can help moaning with the feeling.

with his free hand, he undo his jeans, pushing his cock free from all the coverage. he sighs in relief, his tip red already sensitive from all the lack of stimulation he's been feeling.

he does a few bumps as he works his fingers in your clit "ready, babe?" he askes.

you just nod, feeling hazy. he pushes your panties to the side, handing his cock to your entrance. he slides his head in, your eyes going shut from the burning feeling. he keeps slowly thrusting in, and when he hits your further spot, both of you feel full, moaning, letting your breath go like you've been keeping it all this time

doing as you order, he pulls his cock, just to push right back in. your hands gripping his arm harshly as he starts to pound into you.

your core keeps clenching around him, adjusting to his size and seungkwan has a had time controlling himself "fuck! you feel so fucking tight" he says

you moan, feeling him everywhere "seungkwan move" you beg, needing more.

he picks up the pace as both of you get arousal, the wet noises able to be heard. he pushes one of your legs up to his waist, his thrusts meeting further inside you as you moan louder. your eyes going shut, and your nails dig to his skin. he starts thrusting again, meeting your g-spot repeatedly now, the sounds of skin slapping filling the quiet sound of cicadas and birds inside the wood as he's not going easy on you.

"so good to me. so good, yn. let me use this pussy just for me to cum, what a nasty little thing you are, aren't you?" he says, as both of you chase your highs. you rolling your hips to meet his thrusts.

seungkwan pushes your dress upper, getting a good view of your core. he hands your waist, the grip tight, leaving red marks under it as you both feel yourselves close to cumming.

"'m close, kwannie" you moan out, your head going back.

he hums, pressing kisses to the skin above your throat, as it shakes with pleasure. one of his hands sneakily goes down, delivering a slap to your clit as you clench on him, he swears under his breath, the hot breath hitting your neck as you whimper. he eases the pain, drawing circles on your clit as he thrusts inside you.

it's all too much, and in seconds, your body goes stiff as you let it go right after, wetting his cock as you're cumming, moaning his name.

he keeps driving your high, feeling himself closer "you're going to be good and let me fill up this pussy, wont you?"

you whimper again, the overstimulation starting to kick in as you beg "please, kwanie, please"

he presses your ass, spreading your cheeks with both hands, pushing your hips slightly up as he gets a better view of your entrance. he releases a throaty moan as he's cumming too.

his hot cum hitting the spot under you, as you moan and clench again. seungkwan mirrors your action. he slips his cock slightly off, leaving just his head inside as he keeps cumming.

he cant help thrusting back in, as he feels you clenching again, he stuff his last drops of cum inside you, seeing the cum decoring your pussy, some of it treating to slip off as he's moving.

he slips off completely when his cock starts to get back to its flacid state, placing it with his hands, trying to keep every single drop inside.

"keep it all in, babe, dont waste it" he says as you do your best not to let it drop. he gets his hands to his base, cleaning the cum that dirty there, and handing back to your entrance too.

you whimper as his fingers thrust it back in. when he's all done, he puts your panties back in place, some of the cum slipping to it as your eyes shut with the sensation "keep it for later when we get home, hm?" he says and you nod ridiculously "now lets go back, my good girl" he praises lastly, pressing a peck to your lips before you both walk back to the event as if nothing happened.

[captain-mj]

Can you do another part for alien korangi au? I'm starving 🙏😔 (love ur writing btw❤️)

Part 1 Part 2

Thank you!

Horangi sighed as König left. He really doubted that he'd actually be back. Maybe the next solar cycle of his species when he got horny again. As nice as being swept away sounded, it just didn't actually happen. All kinds of people and non people promised him this.

Horangi checked his debt, seeing the giant chunk taken out of it by König's generous payment. He had tipped heavily, easily paying a month of Horangi's work.

Two months passed. Horangi continued to work as normal. Sometimes, his mind would wander to König again.

The biggest part that he missed was the intimacy of it. König didn't speak the majority of the time but he had pressed into him and held him so tight.

It was a lot better than most of his clients who left him aching and starving for a nice hand through his hair.

Horangi groaned and stretched, back arching. He checked his debt.

5 coins.

5.

Horangi could go outside and ask that of someone.

He quickly went to check who deposited so much money.

Colonel König. As a tip.

Horangi stared at it for a long time.

5 coins.

Someone knocked and he sat up quickly. He scrambled up and got dressed before opening the door.

König.

"Hi."

König didn't speak. His hood kept his face covered. But he did lean down and brush their cheeks together. "My Liebling."

Horangi growled and shoved him before yanking him closer to him by his belt loops. "Not a word for two months!! Not a word! I thought you had given up on me!"

König shook his head. "Worked a bunch of overtime. Was too busy. Also didn't want to waste any money." He yanked him along before making himself calm down and instead gently lead him.

"Why leave 5 coins?" Horangi had none of the same scruples, yanking König to him constantly and making them bumbled around.

"Wanted to pay it in person."

"This is crazy. You get this right? You paid so much money for me. You didn't even purchase me! Just paid off my debt like a crazy person!"

"I could've purchased you?' König sounded rather interested but it was clear he was joking. Especially since he was currently trying to nuzzle back into Horangi.

Horangi hit his ribs and kept following him.

König handed Horangi the money and Horangi paid the last of everything. It was a rather anti climatic. He was just... there. And he was free to leave for once.

König hummed. "Can I have my date now?"

"Gongjunim, you can have whatever you want." Horangi said smiling at him.

They ended up a parlor nearby. It served tons of things, the best being pastries. König paid for everything, insisting on it. Mostly because Horangi had no money.

He watched Horangi eat with a ton of interest. He didn't lift his hood very much so Horangi couldn't return the favor.

König purred happily when Horangi took another bite. "Any plans?"

"Not really. Burned a lot of bridges back home."

"Could get you a job working for me."

Horangi stared at him. This wasn't hesitation. Instead it was introspective. "Am I just going to be your paid secretary that you bang?"

"Mercenary."

Horangi's interest was immediately piqued. "Go on."

"You'd be a merc that I scouted that I bang." König said with a smile in his voice.

Horangi tapped his fingers. "Only when I want it."

König blinked in shock. "That was a question?"

Horangi found something about this man to be very attractive. He wasn't sure what exactly it was, but he did.

Some patrons were watching them with unease. Probably waiting for König to suddenly go crazy. Start eating people like some beast.

Horangi finished eating. "I'll take you up on it. For a little while. Something to get me on my feet yeah?"

König smiled at him. "You'll stay in my home."

Horangi hummed. "You don't have a harem like some of your species does right?"

"No.... If i did, we wouldn't have met. I'm very glad I don't have a harem." König didn't meet his eyes.

"Take me home then."

Horangi was on König's bed and being attacked. König kissed him all over, pulling him in between his thighs. He purred and wiggled, rubbing all over Horangi.

Horangi laid back and let König snuggle him. "My liebling.'' König cooed and put his face in Horangi's neck.

They existed tangled up for quite a while before things dragged König away.

At night, they once again intertwined, being rather insistent about it. They tangled together and kissed.

König's hood ended up on the floor. Horangi held him close and kissed him sweetly.

They started to make love. König was so sweet about it. So nice and sweet. He thrust into him over and over and over again. Driving right into his sweet spot.

Horangi held on and reveled in the pleasure of everything. König kissed him softly, licking into his mouth. "You're so sweet."

Horangi wailed when he came. He couldn't help it.

[gisellecnz]

Hello everyone, I just want to confess something... I just felt like I did the most worst crime ever. (I'm sorry if how I'm writing this whole thing looks immature? and also on how I've been using wrong words to use. 😭) And it is something I want to start avoiding from now on.

As you can see, I am a minor. Yes a minor, probably way younger than you think... 😭 (but not too young though. I just don't want to tell my actual age.) (And also please continue reading before you do anything)

Ever since pandemic, its where people have been quarantined inside their homes for like, 2-3 years, right? And because of that most people do then was just be on their phones all the time.

I also did that–and now I've been exposed and influenced to a lot of things especially on social media. (I had unrestricted internet access ever since I was a kid)

I currently think about it a lot of times now, and it's actually so bad about how I got exposed by a bunch of things...even though I was so young. (like dirty jokes, etc.) And I think I have grown up way too fast... You can see it in how I typed in my other posts, and it's now how I naturally type. 😭

(Okay, I don't know how to explain this part well... Generally, I'm very bad at explaining. But I hope you guys somehow understand 😭. ) (Please ask me questions if there are things you don't quite understand, I don't really elaborate well when it comes to these stuff)

That was also the time i grew an obsession over anime. And I also had crushes on anime characters to the point I figured out people wrote fics about them. Like, "[character name] x reader" and then boom I figured about smut.. Pls 😭 I really didn't care about the "mdni" warning back then. (I don't know if I'm using this term right, but it's something like I got hypersexual? I'm sorry, but I think it's just something similar to that.)

And now I've become a writer as my hobby, I downloaded tumblr almost a year ago so that I could post my works and also read others fics.

And ever since yesterday i had realized something 😭. And I am so sorry about my behavior on this. Even though I'm not in the right age yet, I still readed smut. And smut is like.. Considered porn right? And most of the authors I follow, or people ive talked to in tumblr are like around 19+. Others are even in college and have their own jobs too. And one of my favorite authors is like 12 years older than me. And some authors I follow also write smut. I also ignored mdni parts in their works. 😭

So this is basically what happened (because I am very bad at explaining so I just put it like in a story way):

I am a minor who reads smut, which are only intended for adults. I knew it wasn't appropriate for me but I just brushed it off.

And then one day when I realized I was talking to older people, something clicked in my mind 😭. They are ADULTS. They are in the appropriate age to read smut. (I mean, of course, but I just brushed it off back then.) Then they had "mdni" in their bio. So, that realization made me uncomfy 😭. It's like I made a really huge crime. And I've also become an author on this app, I can't just go on without telling the truth. From now on I'll try to avoid reading smut. Guys it's basically like you're an toddler who suddenly gained consciousness

Again, I am very very sorry for just brushing off the mdni back then 😭. But I'll still continue to read the sfw ones only.

To the other authors there who write sfw and nsfw, please I promise you that I will only read the safe ones now and not the nsfw anymore. 😔 

But it is definitely okay if you want to block me. Thank you for reading this whole explanation! I've learn my lesson now 😭

I just readed this whole thing again and I realized how messy it looked... But either way I can't change it because its the most best way I explained this 😔

[gyuswhore]

it’s the karina requester again from before 🤭 i really really loved the karina fic and it’s been on my mind for a while 😵‍💫 if the drabble game is still ongoing then could you do another fic of her confessing to fem!reader? just overall really fluffy please? 🫶 (it doesn’t have to be a part two to the other one but it would be nice 😔)

hiii im so happy you liked that one, hope you enjoy this one just the same <3

this can be read as a standalone, but I continued it from the first ask!

also im really sorry I took my sweet time with this, I've been vv distracted lately :(((

lawyer!karina x femlawyer!reader

masterlist

part 1 | part 2

***

You aren't entirely sure why you agreed to this considering you can barely utter a sentence around her. But alas, you sit in front of her at a restaurant table, trying not to stare for too long.

It was jarring when she had asked you to dinner, to what seemed like a casual meal between co-workers, but one that you accepted without thinking.

"Have you opened the Maher files yet?" you ask quietly, trying to fill in the silence.

"Let's not talk about work here, that's bleh" she responds, placing a bit of meat in your plate, "try that it's really good"

You slowly pick up your utensils and bring it to you mouth, giving her a nod of approval as you chewed.

"Did you finish painting that wall in your living room yet?" she asks out of the blue.

You didn't know she remembered that.

"Uh, yeah I did. Had to get some help though, but it finished up pretty nice"

"Why didn't you ask me? I love painting walls, it's so therapeutic" she exclaims.

"Oh", you respond, "I didn't know. I need to repaint the lobby too actually-"

"Perfect", she cuts you off, "don't ask anyone else. I'll help you"

Before you can refute she starts again, "Do you wanna get ice cream after this? I know such a good place down the road. They're family owned too, their stuff is the best"

The smile she has on her face as she rambles about her favourite ice cream place is enough to make you heart swoon for the 20th time that night. She was so effortless, and it was enough to have you doing cartwheels.

"Sure"

After Karina was satisfied with your stuffing of food, drinks and dessert, she proposed a walk in the nearby park.

"It's mostly empty around this time. No annoying children, I promise"

And so you oblige, once again, because god forbid you ever say no to anything this girl says.

"There's a reason I asked to hang out with you tonight" she starts, halting her steps as you do the same to face her.

Your heart sank.

Oh.

This wasn't because she wanted to get closer. This was for a favour.

"I need to talk to you about something, and it's kinda serious." she continues.

"I'm not sure if this is out of the blue or not but, I was kind of hoping you'd realise and maybe say something"

She stops for a minute, and looks up from her shoes.

You had no idea where this was going.

"I really like you, Y/n"

[the--rebel--fae]

Update 💜

Hello my lovlies! I know I've promised a new fic and my Requests are still not done...I am so sorry for that my friends 😔 I've just been really busy--I'm a part time, trying to be full time journalist and plus my etsy story commissions have made me swamped. Plus there's the little new occurrence of my neck and migraine issues but we are working through that! I haven't forgotten about y'all nor my stories, I have several of em either in my Google docs or my notebook waiting to be done. I'll try my absolute best to get a lot out this coming week, I just thought yall could use an update. Again sorry my loves, I will get on it though! Virtual pinky swear!

Love,

~ Rebel Fae

[huckleberrykai]

okay so I saw your post about, mean dom Kai after coming home from a bad day at work, and it was genius... but imagine, him coming home from a bad day of work only to find you had a worse day, and suddenly He's the one crying under You. Like the Switch in people in power just changes so fast. One moment he's teasing you, and the next. You have your hand around his neck, and... 😮‍💨😫 the whines that leave him 🙌 the sobs as he Begs you to let him cum. The way he squirms beneath you. His hands which are now tied to the bed post with pretty ribbon pulling in a desperate attempt to touch you or himself, he doesn’t know which. Pretty eyes looking up at you so pleadingly. Lips pouting and swollen. So hard beneath you, that you can him throbbing. Telling him to shut up and be a good boy,before finally sinking onto him.

Sorry this is so long, I got way too into this and my fingers wouldn't stop typing. 😔

😮‍💨 Satan has a special place in hell for me. Simply waiting for me to move in.

He's so perfect 😌

I don't regret sharing this

omg are we all in a subby kai mood today or something jskasd love it

(i luv this cause i'm a firm believer that he's a switch depending on the day, mood and situation - like this man adapts and plays every role WONDERFULLY. messy desperate sub? check. mean hard dom who'll fuck your brains out til you're blue in the face and covered in bruises? check. soft dom and king of loving sex and body worship? CHECK BABY! in a goofy playful mood with no real dynamics, just two horny lovers with silly best friend energy? he's got it in the bag. i truly think he's just down for whatever, he'll try anything once LOL)

ANYWAY I DIGRESS LETS GO!

mm kai being in a bad mood already, man needs to get his dick wet ! he knows you'll be down for it, you always are - but when you walk into the kitchen where he's throwing dinner together and look like you have a thunder cloud over your head .. his priorities change a lil

he knows it feels good to just let loose and channel your bad day into railing your partner, and he loves when you dom him anyway~ so maybe his bad day could be fixed by you taking the reigns and taking it out on him hehe

so after eating dinner together and venting out all of your frustrations of the day to each other, he'd get a little touchy-feely jskjdk a few kisses here and there then suddenly you're in bed making out as usual. kai teases you a little as he normally does, but when he notices you aren't biting back or even willingly submitting - he puts his idea into action.

"'m all yours for tonight honey. i'll be good i promise. use me however you like."

and that's all it takes for you to roll him over underneath you and secure your hand around his neck. "thank you baby boy~ be good for me and i might let you cum."

kai is already losing his shit bcs you're so hot like that LOL

absolutely nearly finishes untouched the second you pull the ribbons out to tie him to the headboard LMAO completely underestimates just how mean you can be when you're in that dom headspace~~ he suppose he deserves it after he's had you in that very position countless times hehe

he'd start crying sooo quickly. he's so hard and frustrated when you start grinding on him while you suck n bite his neck and scratch red lines into his chest. you'd keep his sweatpants on him and get completely naked above him so all he can do is watch you play with him with glassy eyes, unable to touch you or keep quiet at the little stimulation you give him. whenever he whines or complains you give him a little slap to the side of his ass, or maybe to his scratched-up chest >.< "good boys are patient. if you want a reward you better be good."

that shuts him up quickly !

but ask him to beg ,, and boy will he beg. "please fuck me. please.. need to be inside :("

the pout on his lips is too much to deny, so when you finally pull his pants down and sit on his lap with his dick nestled inside you he moans like you've never heard before. "that desperate huh? pathetic. you wanna be good then you won't make a sound. one peep and you won't cum tonight, got it? shut up."

and he nods like a sad puppy. your pace is brutal and he has to bite his lips to keep himself from whining. when you feel him start to twitch inside of you and his face scrunch up in concentration, you ask him to beg again ! because who wouldn't when he looks so pretty pleading for mercy muahaha

he'd let out all of his pent-up whines and moans as he begs you to let him cum with sickly sweet words ~~ "'so good.. please! please let me cum! so warm n pretty, can't help it.. please 'm being so good!"

so you can let him ! or have some fun and ruin his orgasm muahaha

either way kai checks out, cum leaking from his dick while his head spins - you completely stilled on top of him and crying thick salty tears from his disappointing (or fantastic depending on how ur feeling hehe) orgasm. when he finally opens his eyes after having them squeezed shut and seeing the fire still burning in your eyes and the sadistic smile on your lips.. he knows he got himself into a doozy of a situation ~ but that's exactly what he wanted 😌

MAN IMS ORRY THIS HALF TURNED INTO A WHOLE ASS DRABBLE subby kai got me feeling feelings today fhuedjwk thbaku for sharing this i am screaming !! so many thoughts

and it's okay, i belong in hell too we can hang out together and talk abt subby switch kai 😋💗

[deerainy]

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

°•☆•° the skeletons in both our closet

yayyyy I managed to post today, everyone clap! jk but I've been struggling to write every day lately because of work... I'm working full time next week so it might be even worse 😔 I promise I'll try to do my best and update at least every 2 days!! thank you again for all those who comments and leave kudos, it means a lot <3

[harryfeatgaga]

getting into a fight with harry 😔 maybe it's one of the first times you have an argument in your relationship and you're both just so upset over it because you both hate fighting but things just boiled over 😔 and I think he would definitely never yell or raise his voice but he knows things are getting really heated so before either of you can say anything hurtful he just takes a deep breath and says "i need to go for a bit... I'm going to go for a walk, I just need some time" and you're so upset over that but he says "I'm not leaving, and i promise I'll be back i just- I need some time to myself" and with that he's out the door and you're in tears already 😔 he comes back a few hours later and you're on the couch wrapped in a blanket, he comes over to you and sits down but he keeps some space between the two of you and that hurts more than anything else 😔 he hands you a cup of coffee from your favorite shop and it's quiet for a minute before he says "I'm sorry" and you're already interrupting him saying "no i should be apologizing-" but he cuts you off, shaking his head and saying "just let me talk? please?" so you nod, and he sighs saying "i shouldn't have said any of the things i did, and I'm very sorry about anything I said that hurt your feelings... I never ever want to hurt my girl like that" and you're trying to hard the little tears in your eyes but you're not doing the best job 😔 and he feels like crying too just from seeing you so sad but he knows it's not the time 😔 he takes a shaky breath and says "so if you want me to leave for the night i understand, just give me a minute to get some things and then I'll be out of your hair" and he's already getting up from the couch but before he can even take a step you're saying "no, please don't- I want you to stay" and he's a little surprised, he thought maybe you'd want some time away from him after you were so unkind to each other but he says "of course, I'll do whatever you want, always" and before he can say anything else you're getting up to give him a big hug 😔 your voice is muffled against his chest when you say "I never want you to leave.... I don't care how mad I get i still want you to stay with me" and at that he really can't help crying a little bit, he just loves you so much 😔 knowing you're his girl and no matter what, you can always work things out with him😔

NOOOOOOOO OH MY GOD STOPPPPPPPP IM GOING TO CRYYYYYYYY PLEASEEEEEEE 😔😔😔

[lady-de-mon-coeur]

20 questions for Fic Writers

Thanks for tagging me @rosie-b !

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

33 (some of them are posted to anonymous collections).

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

52,124.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Miraculous Ladybug. The first fandom which made me write fanfiction.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

You Weren't Supposed To Know (the most kudosed fic of mine)

Sleeping Beauty

I'm Not In Love (am I?)

Kiss Addiction

Ice Cream Never Lies

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to respond to all the comments. If I didn’t respond, there might be two reasons for it: I didn’t get around to responding yet or I really don't know what to respond.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

So Happy Together. I don't usually write angsty endings. I apologise to everyone I made cry with this fic.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Learning To Live Without You.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really. I once got a strange comment, totally unrelated to the fic it was left on, which made fun of my profile, that's all.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do write smut, but I post it anonymously.

What kind is it? Nothing bad, I promise. Most of the time it's all fluffy lovey-dovey stuff, but there are also some experimental fics.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I don't really like crossovers, so I don't read nor write them. But I appreciate good fan art made for them.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, because let's be real, why would someone do that?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I considered translating my fics to my first language, but now I don't think it's a good idea. But I would be happy if someone translated some of my fics to French.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

@lad-bug-and-chad-noir helped me with writing my early fics 💖

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

The love square!

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I don't know if I'll ever have the strength to finish Lady In Red, but I'll do my best.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Writing emotions?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogues 😔

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

No thoughts, head empty.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Miraculous Ladybug.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Can I choose two? Learning To Live Without You and Skin to Skin.

I'm tagging @gameguy20100 @aalissy @miraculous-floconfettis @talkstoself @monpetitchattriste

[2btheanswertothequestion]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @stevethehairington and @hotluncheddie. Thank you! 🖤 🖤

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

35, spread over two accounts.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

345 730

3. What fandoms do you write for?

A bunch. Currently it's Stranger Things and the Spiderverse films, although I'm starting to have Arcane thoughts too.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

November Paramedic (Stranger Things)

Unraveled (Spiderverse)

your eyes on me (i think i'll cause a scene) (Stranger Things)

Lesson/Plan (Stranger Things)

this might mean something (Stranger Things)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, eventually. It might take a few years but I do it! I promise I enjoy replying – I'm just slow and forgetful.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really do angsty endings, or angst at all. On my second (secret!) AO3 account one of my fics ends with the main character "dying" and getting mutilated, but in a kinda hopeful and poetic way?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of them end on an equally happy note.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No. When I still posted on ff.net I sometimes got harsh comments, but they tried to be constructive and helpful, plus I asked for critical feedback, so I don't count it.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, and the good kind? I hope? 😆 I think I'm pretty flexible when it comes to kink and such, though usually in a light way. So far I've only posted gay smut (but I have lesbian and straight stored away on my laptop. Maybe I'll finish it and show you one day).

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't even read crossovers.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

See above answer.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but it seems like it'd be fun!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Impossible to answer as my favorite ship is the one I'm currently obsessed with. I'm not more attached to any of them. When I was in the midst of the ST obsession it was Steddie and Lumax, and later Buckingham. Nowadays I'm more focused on Punkflower and Timebomb. Who knows what'll come next.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My big Mortal Kombat fic 😔 It's almost 7 years since I last updated and my standards have gotten so much higher; I'd have to rewrite the entire thing before I could continue.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think my strength is that I don't have one big strength or weakness? I'm rather good at everything. Not the best at characterization, dialogue, prose, etc. but competent enough at everything to create some good, balanced stories. A jack of all trades, as they say.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Adding meaning to my writing. Writing just for fun is, well, fun, but sometimes I'd like to actually say something with my writing.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Only after rigorous research.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

First written was Naruto; first published was Romeo and Juliet. That's right, I'm versatile!

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I'll list a few, because I cannot choose just one:

November Paramedic, because of how fun it was to write and the wonderful reception it received. This fic convinced me I can be funny.

Uniquely Mine (Stranger Things), because I think I did say something with it. It's very pretty and heartfelt. Also, Stobin 4ever.

synchronicity (cut me open, cut you down) (MCR), because my beta (ily Andréa, wherever you are) and I did such a good job putting it together. Most coherent fic I've ever written. It just works so well, and I really feel my vision came through.

Unraveled, because of basically the same reasons I gave for synchronicity. This one isn't finished yet but I just know I'm going to love the end result.

There! That was fun. Now I'll try to tag people I think haven't already done this (but no pressure): @throughthevale, @madaboutmunson, @riality-check, @hilarychuff, @its-just-a-glitch

[neoarchipelago]

Why u didn't upload another story about Simon ghost riley?? I'm waiting for ya

Heyyy so... One of my bosses is on vacations... My other boss is a 83 years old man who's currently half passing out in the fucking store. I've had to call an ambulance once already this week. I have a lot to do in between my work, managing the team in the back and babysitting a grown ass old man to make sure he doesn't die on my shift.

I'm not trying to be rude and I'm so SO sorry, I've been taking time to upload the next chapters but I'm kind of in the middle of a nervous breakdown, especially because money's tight and I got to pay rent.

I love you all, and I know y'all are waiting on me, I promise, I'm doing my best my darlings, just give me a bit of time, it's almost the weekend I'll be able to work a bit on my chapters if possible...

I'm sorry, I'm exhausted, but I'm not forgetting about this, I promise 😔

[terribleweh]

Indie KING CLAWTHORNE from The Owl House! NOT SPOILER FREE.

Please read the rules under the cut before interacting!

[ added 11 june: REALLY emphasising the slow activity! ]

ASK PROMPTS -> [ Always accepting + open to non-mutuals, unless stated otherwise in the tags! Go wild. ]

ABOUT KING -> [ WIP, so just a wiki link for now 😔 ]

MUN.

You can call me Forest, and I'm 20! I find it amazingly difficult to talk to people and keep a conversation going, so if we happen to speak ooc... I promise it's nothing against you! My social skills are just something else lol, but please let me know if I have said or done anything that upsets you - it'll never be my intention.

I am also perpetually in slow activity mode. My motivation and muse are very fickle, amongst other things in my life that might keep me from being here. This means threads/asks may be dropped over time (unintentionally or due to lack of muse), but you're welcome to ask me about it!

INTERACTING.

For the time being, I am not mutual exclusive; so anyone is welcome to send asks, unprompted or through memes (unless specified in the tags)! Starter calls will be kept mutuals only for my own sanity.

Asks and prompts are the best way to interact with me. Plotting isn't a strength of mine, unfortunately - but I'll likely be up for most things!

With replies, I try to do it oldest to newest, but I am so slow that it doesn't always work out. I also won't reply to every ask I get - this is always due to muse, whether I have inspiration or not... but please don't be discouraged from sending more! You can send as many as you like - the more the merrier, it gives me variety and options to choose from. -> Sometimes I will practise this when sending memes, just know that I'm never expecting you to answer all of them! If receiving multiple asks bothers you, feel free to let me know and I will keep that in mind :)

FOLLOWING.

Two of the main reasons I might not follow back: I'm unfamiliar with your fandom, or I'm not sure how our muses would interact. I prefer to stick to fandoms I know for that reason, but if you have an idea you're welcome to jump in my ask! A secret third reason: I didn't realise/forgot to check.

I guarantee I always read rules before following, if you have one available. I try to send passwords, but it does make me a bit uncomfortable so there might be occasions where I don't - but again, they will have been read! -> I do follow quite a lot of people, so I'm bound to forget rules sometimes. Please give me a little nudge if I break one of yours!

OTHER.

I have a tendency to write King's dialogue in uppercase - not because he's shouting all the time (though he is definitely a loud boy), but because it helps me find his voice better. However, if you'd prefer me to write his dialogue normally because it's difficult to read, let me know and I'll drop it in our interactions!

Credit to @/bugresources for my icons!!

Will be updated as needed, but if there's anything you're unsure about feel free to ask :]

[autisticlee]

almost every time I have met online friends irl, they stop talking to me either immediately after or very soon after, usually after increasingly acting weird or distant towards me. it makes me feel awful. and then i'm afraid to meet anyone irl again.

I feel so silly and stupid that I have a lowkey fear creeping below the surface about going to visit my friend and their gf this summer. what if they end up hating me 🙃 i've thought about mentioning it to my friend, but I don't want to make them feel bad about it!!!!!! it's not their fault I feel this gross fear. they didn't do anything to make it happen. they're super excited and always tell me about it!! i'm the one that is struggling to feel excited because i'm haunted by past experiences that will not stop repeating like i'm stuck in an endless loop of hell!!!!! 😭

I try to remind myself that thos friend also

I seem to give off this bad vibe irl that everyone except me notices and it makes people want to avoid me. I don't know what it is or how to fix it but I wish I could!!!! perhaps i'm just simply not likable 🥲 i've had people want to be roommates and act like best friends meet me irl and suddenly start avoiding me until they straight-up ghost me. I don't understand 😔

i'm very willing to work on myself....if I knew wtf was wrong with me!!!!! but I do not!!

I also fear it's something I can't change and it's something that's part of me, so I literally can't do anything unless I mask and become a fake person. but that's so uncomfortable and lonely in itself and feels pointless. what if it's just normal autism traits and people are assholes???? then I have no choice in the matter.

everyone tells me i'll ~find the right ones~ or whatever. befriend other autistic or ND people. but it never matters. they all end up the same in the end!!!!! fellow autistic and adhd people have hurt me MORE than NTs!!! do you know how many times I thought I did find "the right people," made them promise to not do what the last ones did, promise to respect my needs and boundaries, and promise to be honest and talk everything out, but then a little while down the way they do exactly the same shit they promised not to that everyone else did?!

when the same shit keeps happening over and over, at what point does it stop being "other people are the assholes" and become "im obviously the problem" ??????? i'll have people tell me it's not me that's the problem. it's other people. those same people will become "the other people" themselves. so is it REALLY them that's the problem, or am I too goddamn stupid to know what's wrong with me and what i'm doing wrong ?!

sometimes people will put a blame on me but not tell me why it's me. just a broad statement with no details that point fingers at me. "you're gaslighting me" (after opening up to a close friend group about a difficult thing I had just experienced and that was the response one gave and then completely ghosted with no explanation, leading to the whole group abandoning me)

sometimes people will complain about certain things I can't help. "you ruined my whole day!" (some girl telling me this, a few months later after kicking me out of a group. I needed help navigating nyc subway to the bus station because my phone GPS didn't work there and she said it was ok, she'd gladly help me. then yelled at me about it a while later when she got mad about something else, about how I ruined her day that time by making her help me and being a burden 🙃✌️)

sometimes someone will drop out basically mid conversion, get extremely distant, go from replying with novels to one word replies until not responding at all, then suddenly block me a year later after ignoring me. only to come at me with "you stopped caring about me and haven't messaged me in a year" despite our last messages being me saying I miss them, them saying they've been busy (despite having the time to talk to multiple other people and ppat their message screenshots online every day and be online all the time) and me responding telling them to message me when they aren't busy so we can chat again, but never getting a response!!) only for them to admit they muted me and didn't want to talk to me "for no reason" they literally said that to me lmao wtf. how is there "no reason"

sometimes it IS them that's the problem though. like one girl who accused me of liking her and sabotaged our whole friendship based on these baseless delusions she had. sje decided she was going to "choose" to be straight (she's bi) and decided i'm a "man" (I was trans masc and starting my transition at the time, but am actually nonbinary. it was just required to be trans masc where I live to get treatment. nb people aren't allowed) and she decided guys and girls can't ever be "just friends" she even got very upset at me when I told her she's wrong and not even my type and i'm asexual/probably aromantic. she claims I ~knew saying that would hurt her~ because she apparently told me that kind of thing hurts her before. I did not know this, she never told me this. that's also a weird thing to think/say??? saying it upsets you that someone ISNT attracted to you but also being upset and ruining the friendship if they are??? what the fuck lmao. goofy behavior. I thought she'd be delighted to hear she was wrong about that but nope. she wanted to feel good that someone liked her even if it cost the friendship. haha weird 🙃 she also talked shit about me being autistic at one point lol. fellow ND being a ND hater. sue was all kinds of messed up, but at least I knew it was for sure her that was the problem and not me this one time. but she wasted so much of my time and energy that I can't get back.

it's not always clear why people do what they do, and it drives me insane until I can figure it out. most of the time I cannot. so I go on knowing i'll unknowingly fuck everything up yet again. it feels guaranteed.

I just want a stable and comfortable friendship that's close and secure. one I know will last. one where I can relax and enjoy the time with the other person and not have to be hyperaware of every little detail and look out for potential patterns I recognize that every friendship seems to fall into just like the last, that will lead to the same shit. then force me to have to try harder to save the friendship before it gets worse!!!! but trying seems to make it worse somehow. I don't fuckijg know.

I AM TIRED AND EXHAUSTED AND DONE. i've reached the point where I don't have the energy or willpower to try getting closer with anyone and have to sit here feeling lonely and disconnected from everyone. I don't feel like I have even one single person I can trust or rely on. not one. if I go to anyone, i'll just burden and annoy them. they can say I won't all the want, but that's always a lie. always. last time I trusted a group wo told me that, I got told I was gaslighting them. not told why or how. but apparently losing a thing important to me and confiding in my closest friends about it is "gaslighting" now and is justification to cancel me from our group trip and then not invite me back into the group chat when I switch accounts LOL.

after that shit, I just cannot. I genuinely thought that were "THE ONES" you know, those mythical "the right people" i'm alwaus being told about thar apparently exist. but every time I find them, I am wrong. so I have no fucking clue what to even look for. they seemed so good at first!!!! how do I find better???? and how do I not fuck it up wven thought I can't figure out what the FUCK I did wrong by sharing a very deep, personal, important thing with my closet trusted friends?!

if "the right people" can't even accept me then wtf am I supposed to do??? I feel like I either deserve this, not having friends or anyone to rely on, or I just have to accept that i'll always be alone. maybe I can have little casual surface friendships....but I'll never have anything deeper and closer. i'll never have the type of thing I feel I need that's hard to explain. maybe it's just the trust of knowing something will last and is stable. i've never had that. i've been walking on egg shells my whole life around everyone. and its so uncomfortable and sucks. it makes me feel so goddamn lonely. especially when I see everyone else has their person or people.

and don't get me wrong, i'm fine with being alone by myself. if I lock myself up and don't see or pay attention to others, i'm perfectly fine and don't feel lonely. it's as soon as I see other people being together, and ESPECIALLY when i'm woth other people that I feel this deep and painful sad/loneliness that doesn't go away until i'm away from people for a while again. but even of i'm enjoying my alone time, there's often things I want to do that require others, so I can't do them and it makes me feel bad. my old therapist telling me last time I was avoiding people due to (unknown at the time) autistic burnout, that we are a social species and require interaction with other people, so I NEED to make friends and interact with others always echos in my mind. I wish I DIDNT need others and can lock myself up alone forever. that feel less painful than trying to be with others. seeing and being with others makes me feel awful and alone. being literally alone feels comfortable and not lonely, most of the time. as long as I have a single-person hyperfocus to occupy my entire existence with.

but despite feeling like this, the burnout I hit from losing several important things to me at once about a couple years ago and my friend group ditching me when I needed them most is debilitating and still going strong. I feel like this is my new permanent state of being. I don't have the energy to put any effort into friendhips. if they don't maintain themsleves or the other person doesn't put in most of the effort, I WILL let it die and act like I don't give a fuck (I do, I just don't have the power to stop it). it's all on the other person's shoulders to carry the friendship the way I carried all the ones in my past. it's my turn to be the unresponsive friend who doesn't put in effort and responds with one word. not because I secretly hate the person/friendhipz but because i'm perpetually burnt out and literally can't do much anymore. I just can't.

that doesnt mean I can't keep complaining about how lonely and disconnected I feel!!! just because i'm not trying to fix it doesn't mean my feelings are invalid! "just keep trying" only works for people who have the ability to try. my ability was destroyed and am now unable. I would need a miracle of a person who puts in enough effort and genuinely cares enough about me to nurse me out of burnout hell to the point where I can put full trust and faith into them and call them my best friend.

but I doubt that will happen. I won't believe it until I see it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! being "positive" and hoping for the best keeps biting me in the ass and makes the fall hurt even more. I do not have the spoons and willpower and energy for that again i'm sorry 😭

wow this was a long ramble. it's taken me 2 hours to write this. I just wrote exactly what my brain was saying and rambled off topic. this was originally supposed to be about how, while I want to be excited to visit my friend and their gf, it's really hard to because all my past experiences make FEAR lurk around every corner.

I expressed an anxiety to my friend about the trip but only said it was about going to the airport and flying for the first time ever. and alone at that. if I tell them about this little hell demon on my shoulder, it may upset them. they're always telling me how they're so excited and I can't ruin that!!!! the more excited they are, the more comfortable/less worried I feel i'm allowed to be about it??? I NEED that energy personally. and I want them to keep that for themsleves as well. especially when it's not that I don't trust THEM. I don't trust myself. I could do any number of things wrong and make a good, fun, exciting trip go bad, or create a bad after-effect that makes it all slowly break down after. my friend expressed even wanting me to move in with them and their gf. be roommates. where have I heard that one before lmao. multiple other times before a seemingly good friendship gets destroyed for unknown reasons 😭

I hate that my brain has to live this way thanks to past traumas. cptsd mixed with autism/adhd is literally hell. but when you basically never know if you're the one fucking everything up accidentally, are afraid to hurt someone important again, don't know what a real/healthy friendhip is meant to look like due to never experiencing one, and don't have the energy to deal with this shit anymore, it's impossible to make your brain chill the fuck out.

there is a chance everything will go well and nothing will change. there is a smaller chance things will even improve. I can only hope, even if I know hoping for things ends up hurting more.

"what's the worst that can happen" i'm always asked, as if the person asking thinks nothing bad can happen. imagine being very far away from home and your trusted best friend you're there with betrays and hurts you for who knows what stupid reason, and you're stranded there, alone and upset, with no one around you who cares or wants to help or comfort you. you're treated like a burden and have no one to turn to. you're trapped and alone, surrounded by strangers in a big scary city. your whole world and everything you knew is falling apart in your hands as you try desperately to patch it badk together, but your once trusted person is purposely pulling out the seams. your supposed-to-be-happy experience is forever tainted and ruined. you get blamed for it all when you're confused and lost as to what even happened! it takes years to put the pieces together and come to a conclusion about what and why it happened. but that experience left deep scars that affect everything that comes after.

I don't want want that to happen again lmao. I cant make my brain not have intrusive flashbacks when faced with a similar scenario. it's literally how trauma works.

i've heard you can heal from trauma. but is that possible when the trauma wound constantly gets reopen every time it even starts to heal? if the same shit that caused you trauma keeps happening over and over and over and over....things replying in your head end up repeating themelves despire your best efforts to go a different direction....how do you heal? how do you convince your brain to not feel like this and think these things when it feels like reality rather than a worry since these things have happened literally 100% of the time!

that's the problem. you can't heal a flesh wound by rubbing dirt and shit and sharp objects on it all the time. I feel like the only way to heal is to be able to have someone I can actually trust and reply on. someone who proves to me that they won't become another source of trauma. the wond needs a clean and stable environment to heal in.

but i'm broken. i'm annoying. i'm incredibly boring and have no personality. my interests are few and very weird. i'm not likable to most people or for very long and do and say the wrong things all the time. etc etc. *throws pity party or whatever that's actually based on facts probably because no one proved them wrong yet and idk the real reason so i'm simply guessing* so how am I supposed to make a person do this lmao since you can't force people to like you and be a good friend. I also can't force myself to like people so the person needs to be someone *I* like and feel comfortable and connected with as well. hitting two birds with one stone is.....not easy. especially when you're as clumsy and uncoordinated as me.

hopefully my trip goes well. hopefully a miracle happens and we get closer. but I can't rely on it. I can't even think about it. I keep making myself focus on other things and nkt think. but sometimes something reminds me and then this now THREE HOUR long rant happens. 😭✌️

[thespiritoflife]

OMG I just saw your post about your mental health one and I want to say you're not alone . You can do this . It'll pass away . Yes I'm promising you you'll feel better after few days . Because I recently had a panic attack and it was strong . Reality is that I think about life matters too much and too hard . I've a tendency to take too much work and be stressed about situations which are out of my hand . Whenever I've decided to go with flow and put my faith on universe that everything will turn out good for and my soul I've felt peace . Serene . Happy and joy . So I want to say figure out your triggering points and see from where your facing these and then decide yourself for what to do . Because I believe in finding solutions rather than pondering upon problems. Andddddd if you need someone to talk to I'm in all ears . Surely we've met just a few days but remember Alaeza is here for . Cheering for you to move forward and enjoy each and every moment with your head held high 🫂💖.

* fighting *

ah alaeza, you're so kind, you just made my day ♡ thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words. i am happy that i am not alone in this but i am sad that you exactly know what i am talking about and you had strong panic attacks too 😔

oh, yes, we are both overthinkers. 😩 but i love your words, that you put faith in universe and you decided to go with flow.

i'll try it too!!! universe know what's best🤍

oh, we've just met few days ago? i don't know why but i have feeling we know each other for ages! ♡♡

thank you so much for your kind words, it means really lot to me. i appreciate your ask, i appreciate YOU.

and remember, i am also here for you, always, if you needed me, i am here.

i hope we both will feel better and better!! i really hope your panic attacks will reduce!!

that gif you sent me so cute, aww🥺🥺

sending many many love ♡♡