speakingagain · 9 months ago
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So I got that Shadow Work journal that's all over tiktok, but I got it like 6 months ago and then lost it till last week. I'm good at doing that.
Anyways, i did a few of the first exercises in the book and it asked about things from my childhood that still upset or make me angry. And as I filled out a few pages worth, I realized that I'm mad over something I had no control of from when I was like 6 years old. If I do my math right at 2:30 in the morning, that's 16 years. No. Wait...18? Hold up. 24-6.....18 years. Yeah. Okay, I was close.
Eighteen freaking years of being pissed off. That's shit that you would hear from the grumpy old man dying from liver failure would say. Not a 24 year old. That's a lot of hate to hold onto. And I had several pages of shit I'm still upset about.
I would never have considered myself to be an angry person. Ever. But my examples of "angry people" has been pretty... extreme. My sperm donor (father) is a very angry person. He always has been. I remember we came home one time from getting groceries and he threw a frozen solid box of lasagna at the family dog because it pooped inside because we had been gone for hours and had no way to get outside.
That was one of his calmer episodes too.
My little brother (step that technically doesn't count) used to run around screaming and breaking things because he wouldn't get his way. He once got so mad over something when he got picked up from the bus stop that he burst a blood vessel in his nose and had a really bad bloody nose. I didn't think that was actually possible, I thought it only happened to horny teenage boys in anime.
My soon to be ex husband has the emotional regulation skills of a toddler. He used to boast about how he put another kid's head through a window because they made fun of his sister. Or when his mom's car (that we had been using while she was out of town) got repo-ed, I was on the non emergency line too figure out what happened to the car and he came in screaming and breaking things. The woman on the other line asked if I needed help. That was when I first realized I was experiencing domestic abuse but I thought it was just a moment of weakness and her could change and I loved him so much that I would stand by him through these trials. "But Daddy, I love him!" Right? Yeah I know.
Anyways, that kind of thing was always normal for me. That's what I used to think of when they said 'angry person'.
But that's me. I am the angry person.
Now granted, I never hit anyone, or broke someone's stuff or anything like that. But that's honestly just kind of the bare minimum for being able to regulate your emotions. And I don't want to be angry. I hate being angry. It's so much effort. So I made a plan to work on forgiving.
First, I wanted to learn more about what it actually means to forgive. My father always told me that "God wants us to forgive and forget." And that never made sense to me because of someone hurts you, why would you forget they did it and just let them do it again? Turns out he's actually just a manipulative asshole, who knew?
My ex, when I would call him on his bullshit used to ask me, "how long are you going to hold that against me?" (My favorite was when he asked if we could take turns sleeping on the couch after I found out he was cheating on me for the last 2 years and I laughed and told him 'fuck no'. He genuinely couldn't understand why I would disagree to that, so I told him, "because I wasn't the one who couldn't keep it in my pants". He left the house for an hour and came back pouting.) He also was a manipulative asshole but he was also really bad at it. But him always asking this made me question what the difference is between holding someone accountable and holding a grudge and learning from the pain they caused you.
So I've been doing some research. And there's a lot of differences of opinions on the topic of forgiveness. Mainly between the religious definitions and the basic definition I found in Webster's dictionary. And then there's the psychologic mumbo jumbo to understand too. I actually haven't come up with a solid answer on when it crosses the boundary between remembering and learning from the pain to holding a grudge.
And I imagine I will get probably the same confusing answers if I ask those around me. Everyone has different beliefs and experiences so no one will have the same opinion on it. I'm wondering if it is a subjective concept, and it will have to be something I can only judge in the moment.
Or maybe I'm just still feeling the effects of being manipulated over it. Who knows?
The next step for figuring out how to forgive and move on is to look at things I need to forgive, and figure out if I need to forgive them, or forgive myself. So, I made a shit list.
So far, I have a few people on it because I kept falling asleep while writing it (shh don't tell my boss). I plan on adding more once I have more of a decent brain process and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I had three columns:
Who?
Did what?
Why should I forgive?
And it was really kind of cathartic and eye opening to write down things like "I deserve to be happy." "I deserve to be safe." "I deserve to be seen and heard." " I deserve to be healthy. " My 'Ah-ha!' moment or my 'oh shit' moment I guess.
I now need to decide how I'm going to get myself closure. For example, I can talk to my mom and tell her that her making comments about how much I eat makes me feel like shit and that some things just don't need to be said. But I'm not going to reach out to my sperm donor and say "hey, remember when you called me a wh**e because I wouldn't let you hold my hand?....the fuck you mean no? I moved out that night????" I'd get no closure and I'd probably just end up more pissed off than I am now.
It would be a waste of my time and effort and quite frankly, it would be like talking to a really dumb brick wall. So what else could I do?
Kick him in the shin? That's called assault and I wouldn't make it in jail.
Make a voodoo doll of him and have someone else kick him in the shin? While that sounds hilarious, I don't know any voodoo and I ain't messing with the shadow man.
So maybe I'll just write out a long ass letter and light it on fire while screaming "suck my dick" into the abyss. Seems cathartic enough? I dunno, that one may also require years of therapy. But we will get there eventually. Hopefully.
Any suggestions?
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girltomboy · 11 months ago
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Last week's self help course was interesting enough but not actually super helpful. It kind of pissed me off at times because of its occasional corporate dick riding tendencies. It was a welcome break from work though (with free lunch), so that was something to appreciate it for. I finally gave M the bracelet I got for her and she loved it and thanked me and said she owes me a gift now but she doesn't 😭 I was the one who owed her a gift for her birthday plus last year's secret Santa when she got me an alien necklace even though she wasn't my Santa!
On Friday we finished early, so M and I had enough time to go to her apartment, listen to some coworkers' funny calls, make dinner and eat, go to a random concert at the Christmas fair opening, and drink mulled wine. We had Saturday plans, so we didn't stay out too long, but it was nice and fun to roam through the crowd with her and watch the concert.
On Saturday I woke up at noon so I only had enough time to eat something, take a shower, and roll 2 joints for me and M to smoke at her place 😭 the plan was to make mulled wine, but smoking together has been a long time goal of ours, and we finally had the opportunity, since her flatmate went home for like a month or two. We met up to go and buy mulled wine and Sunday breakfast supplies, mulled the wine, then her cousin came over to pick up some money she owed him. And then overstayed his welcome when he heard I was staying over AND we were gonna order food. And he also messed up our plans to order from this new fast food place we've been talking about for ages, and instead convinced us to order from the cheapest, worst place 🤮 I'm pretty sure I got some sort of skin allergy from that fake cheeseburger I had, and it wouldn't even be the first time. Like a few hours later I saw a spot near my mouth that looked like a hickey but obviously wasn't one. Idk if it's still there 🤡 but I'm never eating from that place again.
Anyway, M's cousin wasn't even getting our jokes and just spent a few hours drinking cider and eating a grilled cheese wrap, and gossiping about M's flatmate. When he finally left, M and I went out on the balcony to smoke and we couldn't stop laughing, we kept having the exact same thoughts at the exact same time, our one shared brain cell kept getting activated like a ping pong ball between our skulls. When we went back inside we had to put on the videos we'd watched with her cousin again because they were just too funny and her cousin's presence prevented us from appreciating them to the fullest extent.
So we spent like hours watching random funny videos on youtube, then we decided to watch a horror movie we'd been wanting to watch at the cinema for ages, but we could never find the right tickets for it. So we watched It Lives Inside, and it was probably the worst horror movie I've ever seen in my entire life, hands down. I will make a separate post about it, but god I don't think I've seen a GOOD like GOOD GOOD horror movie from this year so far. They've all been either just bearable or downright awful like I can't believe the current state of horror. Anyway, it was entertaining because we kept laughing at the translated captions, and it was bad enough to tire us out. Afterwards M kept asking me what else I wanted to watch, and I was already sleepy so I kept being like idk whatever you want, and we got stuck in this cycle of indecision, but we ended up going to sleep.
On Sunday we woke up at 8 then went back to sleep until 11, M scrolled through youtube looking at food and I played with her little hamster. Then we made breakfast, ate, watched some more youtube videos, and I left. I ended up smoking the second joint at home by myself, I ate some snacks I had from last week and played video games with my friends the whole evening. They pissed me off a lot, not just because of the game. At some point my bf yelled and I told him to shut up and he got more pissed off, which made me upset and I'm only gonna talk to him after he apologizes. Like I'm just not gonna accept that u yell when you're angry at a game, especially when it's your fault + you complain and hate it when other people yell. And he was like "I'm not gonna change how I react" and "expect to have other fights about this" umm I really don't think that's gonna happen lol. What do you think goes through my head when the person I'm in a relationship with says those things to me? Am I just gonna be like "okay! yay🤗" Like don't be surprised that I'm upset with you and not speaking to you if you downright refuse to work on your toddler reactions and also warn me of future conflicts? Ur gonna be fighting your own demons cause I won't be there for that
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casspurrjoybell-24 · 1 year ago
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Sugar Punch - Chapter 6
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*Warning Adult Content*
Maddox Zane
'Fuck... Why won't it just stay down?'
I tighten my grip around my cock and lean my head against the shower was as I kept up the pace around my length, stoking myself harder and faster to drive out the frustration that just wouldn't leave.
I wasn't sexually frustrated as I slept with someone not two nights ago, so what the fuck was wrong with my dick every time I saw that puny little shit's face pop into my head.
It was becoming a fucking issue that whenever I saw him enter the gym my dick would twitch in my shorts, which to me was just something I didn't understand because I wasn't gay.
I wasn't attracted to him, I didn't get that butterfly shit, I felt nothing looking at him so then why was I jerking off to him in the showers?
The whole thing was driving me crazy.
I've never wanted to fuck a guy before but now I'm starting to think that's what I need to do to stop all these thoughts of him, invading my fucking sleep of all things, ever since last night when I dropped him off, he's all I thought of.
It wasn't sexual either, for the first time in years I was genuinely curious about him, even going as far as to google the fucking guy, only to get nothing out of it other than feeling like a damn creep for stalking him online.
He's fucking 18 and I'm almost 31, this just doesn't happen in your thirties, I had never questioned my sexuality before because I didn't need to, I loved having sex with girls, fuck it didn't matter if they were big or small, small tits or big, I loved them all.
Not once had I thought about being with a guy but Theo could be someone I wouldn't mind ramming my monster into.
Look at me, getting ahead of myself, he's not even into me like that.
I must be losing my damn mind.
Finishing up, not feeling any better with myself I decide to just head on home, unsatisfied with what I just did in the shower room, not feeling fulfilled from just my hand.
The week was passing quick and the days started to blur together, I didn't have anyone to train other than John who's competing today, Friday and Theo, who I had at four for an hour, apart from that I worked with my trainer to get into shape for my upcoming fight next month.
I'd be watching John fight, hoping that he picked up anything I taught him and used it for a fucking change, that and I didn't feel like staying home with my hand wrapped around my cock, thinking of a certain someone.
I disgusted myself how little I gave a shit about what I was doing, if anything I had never felt more turned on, and horny, then I was when I thought about the things I could do to him, fuck, it made the days go faster.
I had gotten lots of offers this week, heck, I could've populated a small country with the women who were coming onto me in just one day at the gym but I just wasn't in the mood for it.
It was nearing four and Theo would be walking through those doors any minute now, I should feel bad about how I used him to get off, but no guilty emotion came, if anything I was looking forward to our training sessions together.
I wasn't going to think too much into why I felt this way, it'd only make my head spin going around in circles to why I felt like this.
My phone started buzzing in my pocket, as I most likely got a text, so I grab my phone from my pocket and see who it was texting me.
It was a number I had saved under Theo Banks.
Theo: Hi Maddox, it's Theo, I won't be able to make it today... I'm sorry for taking this long to tell you, I haven't been feeling well and I only just woke up, sorry again, I will be back next week.
He's sick?
I saw him Thursday and he looked fine, a little beat up but fine, I didn't get any feeling that he wasn't feeling right, if anything he was into throwing me on the mat and putting me into a headlock.
So, he's not coming, now what the fuck am I going to do?
I had an hour free.
I should be pissed off, I hated when clients did this just minutes before a session but I was more curious why he was sick and wonder if he ate something, if it's true that he just woke up.
Maybe I could just leave and drop by, it's not like I had anything else to do beside this lesson with him, that was now cancelled.
No, that's fucking creepy Maddox, he'd obvious be burdened having my ass show up out the blue with food, plus it wasn't like we were friends, our relationship was professional.
I shot him a text back, sitting on the edge of the ring.
Maddox: Focus on getting better, I'll see you next week if you're up for it, just keep me posted.
This guy, he might look like a weak guy, short and skinny but he was determined alright, I liked that about him, it was refreshing even though he was new to the scene, I really felt like I could make him into a decent fighter.
Theo: I can't wait 😊
"Pft." I snort out, sighing and closing my eyes shut as a familiar feeling comes over me.
I look down at my shorts and groan out and lay down on the ring mat, holding my head in my hands as I start laughing, thinking I might be losing my damn mind right now.
I couldn't train this guy if I could barely control my dick and if that happens this is going to become a big problem for me in the long run.
I wonder what it was about him that just did it for me?
Sure, he was alright looking, plain face with nice eyes, not a bad jawline, he was skin and bones and pale, he was the opposite of me.
Not to mention he was short, almost like a girl, he didn't have any hair on his face, he was practically a kid at this point, so what the fuck was I doing getting hard over him for.
He did look cute when he blushed though, I always thought men blushing was just creepy but it didn't look bad on him, I thought it was even funny until I saw him on the machine Tuesday, talking to the new girl who joined the self defense lesson along with him.
Just watching him talk to girls was painful, it was obvious the guy had never been with one the way he lit up like a Christmas tree and then ran away, even though it looked like she was into him.
He was an awkward guy, kept to himself and there was no presence of him online, which made me wonder if he even had any friends looking after him right now.
When I dropped him off Saturday his house was dark and it was already half five, doesn't he have parents live with him?
More importantly, do they not give a shit that he shows up with fresh bruises?
It annoyed me the more I thought about this guy.
He was being bullied, I wasn't a fucking idiot, I knew the signs, as did Rick, the people that came to Rick for self-defence lessons were people going through shit, whether it be a stalker or just wanting to feel safe but I didn't get that from Theo.
He wanted to get strong and I admired that, I wasn't going to pity a guy who was fighting to survive, which is why I still stick to my word in not getting involved unless he asked for help, he had his pride and I had mine.
Still, what was he doing right now?
His parents wouldn't be home, so I bet he's playing those nerdy fucking games he mentioned.
Screw it, I grabbed my phone from beside me on and clicked on his name and decided to just fucking text him, it wasn't that weird, even so, the guys a fan and I was going to use that to know more about him.
Maddox: You owe me an hour.
I waited patiently for his reply and two minutes later it came, making me grin as I clicked on his name.
Theo: What do you mean? 😥
My dick started to twitch as I typed in my reply, whilst thinking of all the things I could do in an hour with Theo in arms reach, all the sick things my mind shouldn't shut up about whenever his face popped up in my mind.
Maddox: What are you doing right now?
I sat up and adjusted myself in my boxers, waiting for him to reply to me I got down and walked to my office and grabbed my bag, keys and wallet.
My phone buzzed and I looked at what he typed.
Theo: Uh… nothing, I just got out of bed 😓
I took a moment to think about what I was doing, going over the pros and cons of my actions of phoning him instead of texting, yet despite how something like this could potentially fuck me in the future, I chose to just fucking do it.
I pressed the call button on his name and put the phone to my ear and waited.
One ring, two, three, until finally on the fifth ring he picked up, making me sigh out, as I was sure he wouldn't pick up because of how fucking random it was.
"Hello?" his quiet voice came out, making me grin.
"It's me," I say, before rolling my eyes as he probably saved my number.
Turning my light off in my office, I grabbed my stuff and locked up the gym, keeping the phone to my ear.
"Since you owe me an hour, you need to keep me company until your time is up," I said, not ashamed of how messed up and manipulative that sounded.
The line goes quiet just as I turn the basement lights off and head for the second exit leading to the underground car park, where I parked my car.
"Oh, I guess I could but right now?" he stutters out nervously as I get into my car and turn it on.
I put my earphones in and connected them to my phone so I could talk to him without being caught with my phone in my hand whilst driving.
"You said you were free."
"I am, it's just I..."
There was a pause. "
I was going to shower," he says shyly as I picture his cheeks going red.
I drove out of the carpark and went into the direction of my apartment.
"So? My time is precious and you owe me, Theo."
I was being a bastard but I was having fun teasing him as the line went quiet again, as I could just picture him getting all worried for no reason, the guy was a walking puppy, always looking at me like he did something wrong.
"Have you been trying out your diet?" I asked curiosity.
"Ugh..." he mumbles out. "Yeah well... kind of, I haven't really moved that much but I tried one of the recipes you suggested," he adds, louder this time.
"Oh yeah, which one?"
"T-The chicken salad... with carrots." he said, making me laugh at how his voice cringed out the word 'carrots'.
Fuck, I was way over my head phoning this guy, now there was no going back, I had just screwed myself getting tangled with this kid and pushing myself in his life like this, for reasons beyond my control.
Might as well have a bit of fun with him, I've already jacked off to him several times, what more could I possibly do to make this situation any worse. 
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soyzolecito · 1 year ago
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I moved.
There are little bits of me scattered across state lines.
Pieces of the skin from my fingers as I anxiety picked my way into this tiny studio.
Alone. For the first time in my life.
Over days and weeks I have unpacked the clothes, the books, the wall art, the kitchen shit
And yet
I'm dragging ass on the desk stuff.
Because when I unpacked the clothes I found the things I bought and showed you. I found a wool lint ball that was caught in the hood of one of my jackets that I never meant to take with me. Considered sending it to your house. Still haven't decided.
When I unpacked the books, I found the series we were reading together. I found others we discussed but never got a chance to start.
When I unpacked the wall art, I found the pieces you gave me. I found the ones you hung on your wall.
When I unpacked the kitchen shit I found all the things you gifted me because you knew that I would need them just exactly right now.
I cried with every finding. Small weeping pauses.
And I knew that unpacking the desk would probably reduce me to a puddle on the floor.
It does.
On the floor amid piles of paper; staring at pictures of us and notes you wrote me that I never threw away, I am openly sobbing. Enough to cause an asthma attack. Enough to make me wonder just how much I have to lose in order to find myself. Enough to make me wonder if having a best friend is worth this profound level of grief when things end. Enough to make me need a break.
I haven't eaten today.
I stopped eating almost entirely that last few weeks in your house.
Terrified and angry and indignant and questioning everything.
And I've not yet stopped being all of those things.
I feel...expendable. Not just to you. To a lot of people, though not everyone. I know that I am not.
But I FEEL expendable. As though nothing will ever explain this loss of over a decade of what I thought was true connection.
Did it start to fray toward the end there? Every one of my absolute flaws making it impossible to be loved by you and yours anymore?
Eventually, it will not hurt this much. I know this, and it almost makes me sadder because I do not ever want you to mean less to me.
And you've got your own reasons, your own story, your own thoughts and feelings. They are all valid.
These are just mine.
I am an asshole.
I have been told that I ruin things sometimes, and I don't think I'll ever be able to forget that.
I still love you.
I wish that shit wasn't...this.
It feels like a piss-poor ending to a relationship that I have always found stunningly beautiful.
You are and always have been the only person I have let see me who didn't want to run away. Until you did.
And that's ok because you never owed me anything. I was fortunate for the years that I got.
I love you.
I am sorry for everything.
And also...I'm not fucking sorry at all.
I AM sorry for causing chaos with the people you love most.
I AM sorry for being so scared of losing you that I stopped speaking to you.
I am not sorry for being who I am and for learning to live authentically.
I love you.
And that's definitely my problem, not yours.
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pbmonkeybutt · 4 years ago
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Ah beans
My dang eyelashes are gone
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romanoffsbish · 3 years ago
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Everything Has Changed
AU, MobWives! Wandanat x Reader, MobWives! KateYelena x Reader (Platonic), SecretRivalMob! Carol x Reader (brief)
CoffeeShopOwner! Reader /
TrustFundBaby! reader
Chapter 3 | Masterlist | Chapter 5
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Yelena's POV
It's been an incredibly slow week, business is booming with little to no need for us, and it appears all of our rivals are laying low. We did take about half of their people out last month, not to mention, the businesses we commandeered from them in doing so...
"Kate, my love!! What do you want for dinner?" I question my wife, while spinning in my wheeley chair, incredibly too indecisive to pick myself.
"Chinese!!" She shouts back from her office, where I last left her playing trashcan ball.
"Sounds perfect." I shout back, grabbing my phone to place the order, but stopping as I receive a text from my stupid sister.
NaTRASHa 🤢 🗑 🙄
* "Hey, have you heard from Y/N? We had fixed everything, so she went down to cancel her date and now she's nowhere to be found. Wanda's freaking out and I'm growing concerned too. Have Kate hack the lobby's security please, and see if Y/N's sent you a sign yet, please Lena..."
"On it!"*
As soon as I saw that message, my heart immediately dropped, and I ran to see if the device I have linked to her watch is going off...
Fuck!
I never leave this out of earshot, so I'm not sure how I managed to do so the one time I actually needed it...
Y/N's POV
Oh no... I'm in a basement... Tied to a chair... God, this woman is so stupid, it's only a matter of time before my four, extremely hot, mob bosses break the door down...
"I see you're awake.." Her whiny voice breaks through the dark space.
"Glad to know you can see, now, care to elaborate on why you've kidnapped me?"
"Thought it was obvious, your owners fucked up my daddy’s business arrangements, so I stole their bitch."
"Woah, woah, woah... I'm nobody's bitch."
"Well, we had a date, and then next thing I know you're canceling, obviously because of them. Sounds like you're their property and they are staking their claiming."
"So, all of this is because I canceled our date? How long has it been since you last got some?" I playfully question.
"Don't get smart... You better watch that pretty little mouth of yours, before I put it to better use." She growls out.
"So, what exactly did my mobsters do to yours?" I question, while making 'pew pew' sound affects.
"You clearly don't value your life all that much."
"Astute observation blondie..."
I can feel the energy in the room shift from annoyed to full blown pissed, and next thing I know Carol's left the room.
Well shit...
"So, it seems your owners are taking their sweet time to collect you..." She says as she reemerges.
"Girl, if you don't stop insinuating that I'm their property..." I scoff, while rolling my eyes
"Then what? You seem to forget who has who tied up here." She laughs out.
"Kinky..." I reply, smirking as I've succeeded in annoying her further.
She groans in frustration at my incessant need to get the last word in.
"I'm fucking over your shit!!! " She shouts, then moves to straddle my lap.
"I've done my best to be nice.."
"This is you being nice?" I gasp in question.
She rolls her eyes at my comment, then abruptly slaps me in the face, causing my head to jerk sideways.
"Uh oh... My mobsters aren't going to —." I start, then immediately find myself shut up by a ball gag being aggressively shoved into my mouth.
"Much better..." Carol coos, then traces her fingers across my jawline.
"You're such a brat, I'm not sure how those two even handle you... If you were mine you'd never speak out of turn."
I roll my eyes at her accusations that I'm somehow a brat... The action probably furthering her assumption, but did she just expect me to be grateful to her for kidnapping me?!
"So, as you asked earlier, your owners and their partners, took my daddy's business. They knocked out over half of our people just last month, and commandeered the businesses we've aligned ourselves with. So, I'm my daddy's special hitter, seeing as how no one really knows about me. I was only initially sent in to retrieve useful information on the women. So, I got myself a job at Stark Industries six months ago, where we know they run their show, and started planting bugs. Sadly, they didn't talk about anything important outside of the meeting room that I could never sneak in to. Some guard was always posted there, even in the off hours of the day. I listened through hours of recordings, which is where I got my idea to just take you. Such a simple mark you were, the pretty coffee shop owner across the street. It also helped that you were so broken, practically desperate for my attention, and you dropped your walls and accepted my date."
Desperate?! Girl, please... I actually hesitated, and clearly that was my gut telling me you’re a psycho.
"Yo-ur-e de-lus-ion-al" I brokenly mumble out over the ball gag.
"Sorry dove, I didn't quite catch that..." She sweetly remarks, chuckling darkly as if she'd actually done something.
"Well, I have to handle some things, I'll be back in a bit. Don't go anywhere." She casually states, winking my way, then everything goes black once more as she hits me upside the head with God knows what.
Yelena's POV
"Detka! Change of plans." I shout over the beeping from her doorway, she looks up as she hears the alarm, and her face pales instantly.
"Check the cameras in Y/N's lobby, Natasha said that's where she was headed last. Then run scans to find out who the hell this skank with the death wish is."
Shit…
“On it, where’s Natasha and Wanda? Do they know?” Kate questions me as she sets up her laptop beside her desktop.
“They knew first, apparently they fixed things, then she never made it back upstairs. That was over thirty minutes ago now. They’re on their way. I’m going to see if I can track her location.” I state, making my way back out and towards my office.
Natasha's POV
Wanda's in absolute hysterics, and I feel like I'm also about to lose my mind... I refuse to do so though, this is exactly what these people want.
"Detka, pull yourself together! Don't give them what they want, or this will just continue to happen.." I try to reason with my wife.
"Natasha! Y/N's a sarcastic idiot, she's going to get herself killed, and it will be all our faults. What were we thinking bringing her into this?? She's just so innocent, and we're —."
"Calm down dorogoy, Y/N's not the least bit phased by our lifestyle, and she's also pretty tough. Our rivals know better than to actually harm her, they're just trying to ruffle our feathers and you spazzing out in the open gives them what they want. Chill out."
"They better be prepared for a storm, because I'm not about to play nice." She replies cooly, switching moods so fast, even I find myself alarmed.
We quickly change into more business appropriate attire, and hop into our car to head back to the office.
Wanda takes off towards the meeting room instantly, having already called in our men.
Yelena's tracking Y/N's watch—knowing that it's still attached to her person because it requires a specific key to remove it.
Kate's been left to find out everything there is to know about this woman who dared to take Y/N. I'm currently checking in with everyone, before moving to prepare the weaponry for the ambush to come.
"What do we got?" I question Kate, while tossing my jacket over the chair.
"So, I have found out the woman in questions name is actually Carol Danvers, and she's apparently an employee here. Carter hired her for Stark roughly six months ago, upon sifting through our footage, it seems she's been bugging our offices. I've also seen she's tried to get to the meeting room a handful of times. I'm now hacking the city's footage, cross checking her image to see if I can find who she's tied to. I'm still failing to see how she figured out about Y/N though... We haven't had her back in the offices since the holiday party fiasco last year. She couldn't have found out she's important to us by simply seeing we enjoy her coffee..." Kate explains, then continues to ramble on.
"Kate! We literally live with her, so it's not hard to deduce... Y/N mentioned that the girl apparently lives in our building, so this has been a long standing game. I’m assuming our business practices last week is what led them to acting upon it now.” I explain to Kate what I think took place, and how we’ve somehow landed in this mess.
“I’m going to get the weapons loaded, and then we’ll meet with Wanda and the guys to come up with a plan text me if anything comes up.” I reply, then swiftly make my way to the weapons lock up.
Y/N’s POV
I start to come to at the sound of arguing.
“What the fuck Carol? I said you could kidnap their girl, not mark her up… Do you have a death wish? We already lost half of our guys last week…” I hear a man shout in frustration.
“Daddy, I couldn’t help it, she was being so annoying…”
“Listen, you need to get your emotions in check. This is why I never used you before, because you can never stay focused on the end goal. The moment they break through our doors, which they will, and see her hurt it’s your funeral.”
“But daddy..” She whines.
And I’m the brat?…
“No! If you wanna be a spoiled brat, you can face the consequences of your actions.”
Exactly
Judging by the sounds of it, this is not her parental figure, and I’m even more uncomfortable than I was before.
Don’t get me wrong, a daddy kink’s fine, but something about their dynamic just feels predatory…
I hear her whine as the door slams, finding he’s taken off, and we’re alone together once again.
“Oh, little dove… Daddy said I shouldn’t have hurt you… I however disagree, and since I’m already in trouble, what’s a little more pain, huh?” She relays in a sickeningly sweet tone, completely opposite of her intentions with me.
“I didn’t hear any rebuttals, so let’s get started shall we?” She chuckles, slowly inching towards me.
She moves into the light, smirking deviously at me, while twirling a five inch blade against her finger.
“Such smooth, pretty skin you have there dove, I can’t wait to leave my mark.”
Wanda’s POV
Everyone finally has made it into the meeting room besides Kate. She said she just needed to get the last of the pieces to fit before she can fill us in.
“This is taking too long, I don’t care who’s behind this, I just want to get her out!“ Yelena suddenly shouts, standing up as she bangs her fists against the table.
“Yelena…”
“No! This is all your fault! Had you guys not messed with her head, she never would’ve accepted that date to begin with. Y/N’s been happily single for years, then in an attempt to get over you two she threw herself at this blonde bimbo..”
“Regardless of it that’s true or not Yelena, we have to wait!! There’s more at stake here than just Y/N’s safety, so pipe the fuck down!” Natasha commands, but I can see how she is just as desperate as Yelena is—we all are.
“I’m —.”Yelena starts.
“ENOUGH!” I shout, entirely too stressed as it is to put up with their sibling rivalry nonsense.
“The goal here is to have as little casualties as possible, and to bring the son of a bitch who did this to face his maker. If we storm in there without knowledge, we’ll never get it later. They’ll cover their tracks faster than we could dig them up. Natasha’s right, there’s too much at stake here, and part of that is being able to go after who’s at fault here.“
“Rumlow!” Kate shouts as she shoves the doors open
“Rumlow?” I turn to question the brunette.
“Yeah, Carol’s just one of his many girlfriends, and he sent her in for information recon. I also just got visual that Rumlow left his warehouse on the south side looking rather pissed.” Kate rushes out.
“Well, ladies, let’s go save our girl! Boys, find Rumlow and bring him to the sanctuary.” I command, then leave with my fellow bosses towards our fully stocked Lamborghini Uris.
————————————————————
2,155 words
❤️ Kaitlyn 🤪
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Hi, Ary, very inactive ex-mutual(i think???) here. Good to see you thriving! ♥ It's been a while since I've dipped my head into cockles stuff. Could I perchance maybe ask uuuuum tf is going on??? lol I see Mish apparently confirmed he used to stay over at Jensen's in Van, and heard newbs were apparently freaking out about it and getting a bit messy, which I get that, business as usual. But I'm also seeing shit about spin-offs? And Jared getting in a twitter fight with Jensen, causing/resulting in stans to going feral and sending hate?? I know you're not as big a fan of Jar, but that's part of why I figured I'd ask you, you usually have a really level head about this kinda stuff. If you don't wanna answer publically, or at all, that's totally chill!
Hey, Rhi! We're still mutuals! Of course we're still mutuals! When I saw the notification of your ask, I was like "Hey! I haven't seen you in a while!" and my husband was like "???" and I said "Tumblr" and he said "Oh."
It was a wild time haha.
In any case, welcome back to the dumpster fire! We are obviously still a mess. So to catch you up, I guess I will start by summarizing both before and after the finale (not sure where you left off so this might be redundant for you) ... basically, it became obvious as the end of the show neared that Jensen was not on board with the plan for the finale; although Jared never stopped singing its praises.
We got confirmation of this during a zoom interview where Jensen said that he actually went into the writers room as well as called Kripke to basically voice how he didn't agree with the direction the final season was going, but he was shot down on all fronts. In another interview, he was asked "What would you tell your younger self going into this career?" And Jensen responded with: "I would tell myself to just keep your head down and do the work" meaning, "Don't try to change things because you can't." I also think that this whole situation is what he wrote "Let Me Be" about for his first Radio Company album, but that is just my own speculation. All of his reluctance, even though he always followed it up with "But I eventually saw the value in the script" or "I came around in the end" (which never sounded sincere, and I don't think he was really trying to sound sincere) made us all very nervous about what was to come for 15x20; and of course, when the last two episodes aired, we saw just how badly they fucked it up.
After the awful finale, the entire fandom became aware of the CW's heavy handed role in the thing, basically squeezing all the life out of SPN to shape it into a ramp from which Walker could launch itself. They not only erased all the love and joy and representation that Cas's love confession gave us, they also tore apart the things that made sense about the bond between Sam and Dean, making it really just about Sam-- and therefore Jared, which of course, Jared seemed to be fine with ... even though no one else was. Misha barely said anything during the finale, and a few of the other actors talked about the show ending in various posts, but Jared tweeted up a storm ... and Jensen? Jensen just sat in sexy-silent resentment of the whole thing. He didn't tweet, he didn't post, he didn't say a word once he no longer had to, and I think that's because he was already going full-steam-ahead on his plans for redemption.
Which brings us to Chaos Machine-- Jensen and Danneel's new production company that is being run by a queer creative director and has a mantra of inclusivity and representation woven throughout it's fabric; and apparently, the first story that Jensen wanted to tell through this new platform is the origin story of Sam and Dean's parents; so last week (?) he announced the upcoming production of "The Winchesters" -- the untold love story of John and Mary. Obviously, John is not the most likable character from the show, so the idea was met with a lot of resentment when it was first announced, but Jensen has gone on to say that he is excited to take on the task of telling the "true" story behind these characters-- the one that makes sense with the pre-established canon and doesn't reject it. So, given that, the idea is being mulled over with a bit more optimism from the fandom.
Who isn't being optimistic though?
Jared Padalecki.
When Jensen made this announcement on Twitter, many of his friends and coworkers congratulated him, but not Jared. Jared responded with a passive aggressive: "I'm happy for you, man, but I wish I didn't hear about it through Twitter." This of course, sent all the die-hard Jared fans into a tizzy and they immediately began asking him if he was serious (hoping it was just a joke-- we all hoped it was because there would be fallout no matter what one's opinion on Jared is). Instead of leaving it there though or just deleting that tweet, Jared went on to tweet some more, saying that he was being serious that he didn't know about the plans for the prequel, and that he was "gutted" that Sam apparenlty wouldn't be included (mind you, this a prequel to SPN... meaning BEFORE Sam and Dean were even born, so how could Sam be included? But Dean is apparently narrating this story so maybe Jared thought Sam should be helping to narrate it? I don't know). But Jared being Jared couldn't just leave that there, he then went on to tweet at Robbie Thompson who was announced as a writer for "The Winchesters" so then Jared went off on him too, calling him "Brutus" and a "coward" acting like Robbie betrayed him (speculation is-- Robbie refused to write for Walker, so Jared is pissed that he essentially chose Jensen over him). He did fairly quickly, remove that tweet attacking Robbie, but of course the damage was done at that point. And it truly only took his first tweet calling out Jensen for some people to be like "Jared-- that sucks if you didn't know but why are you saying any of this publicly?"
As you might know, Jared has had issues in the past with posting hurtful things on social media, and has even used it as a tool for attack before-- calling out customer service agents and public workers that he felt have wronged him, which is bad enough ... but for him to then do the same thing to his best friend of well over a decade? Many people who had once liked him or at least gave him the benefit of the doubt (I used to ...) stopped after this latest twitter tantrum.
However, some people have suspected for some time that J2 had a falling out either shortly before the finale or just after. Their public/social media interactions have seemed awkward, stilted or even non-existent in moments that they normally wouldn't be. In the past year, when Walker premiered, Jensen didn't say much about his friend's new venture other than a "Congrats. buddy" here and there. Later, we learned that Jensen refused to work on the show ... Jared said he make him do it, drag Jensen to the set "kicking and screaming" which made many fans quirk up an eyebrow because, why would Jensen put up a fight unless the two weren't as close as they used to be? And then Jensen moved his family to Colorado (either permanently or for an extended period at least) which is notable considering how he moved to Texas seemingly to be closer to Jared, even buying a house that was near his. All this was just speculation though; but it wasn't until Jared's tweet complaining about not knowing about the prequel that the theories behind them falling out, became less theory and more fact.
The day after his twitter tantrum, Jared tweeted again-- not retracting his statements or apologizing, but instead saying that he and Jensen "talked" and were "all good". Jensen then tweeted too, parroting this statement to some degree, which only made the whole thing even more sour in the mouths of the fans. The fact that Jared didn't apologize for his outburst and throwing his friend under the bus, and also the fact that Jensen-- Mr. Sexy Silence, Mr. Never Tweets, Mr. Tech-Ignorant-and-Proud, actually had to POST SOMETHING saying that he and Jared made up, it just screamed OPTICS. It was obviously the work of agents and PR firms and lots of people going "Look, if you two keep beefing, that will mean the death of both of your projects. Even more people will stop watching Walker, and this SPN prequel will never get picked up due to the scandal." So, the two "made nice" publicly to quell the chaos, but in my opinion, it's all too little too late. Jared started a storm that he can't contain now with a little tweet, and it seems like he knows that too because before he talked about him and Jensen making up, he asked that people "not send threats". He could have just as easily said that he shouldn't have made this a public issue and that he's sorry, but instead, he continued to play the victim and stoke the flames by alerting us all to the damage he's done.
Now, like I said before-- I used to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't think he's an awful human or that he deserves to be attacked or anything, but he is an adult man with very poor judgment and an obvious selfish-streak a mile wide. He should know better, and he should have more respect for his so-called "friends" and "brothers" than to make them targets to public ridicule. I have a hard time believing that Jensen still sees Jared the way he used to, and I wouldn't blame him a bit for wanting to pull away-- especially when he's moving on to so many new and exciting things. Jared certainly deserves happiness just as much as anyone else, but he went on twitter and basically asked for a scandal, and he got one.
The question is now-- was there a motive behind it? Was just looking for a reason to bring his and Jensen's falling out to light-- while making himself looking like the victim in the process? Or did he genuinely not know about the prequel and just decided to go about "not knowing" in the most toxic and hurtful way he could manage?
In any case, that is the drama ... that is the J2 insanity in a rather lengthy nutshell ... that is the tea ... and I hope it all makes sense.
But the good news out of all of this is, Cockles is thriving-- they are happy and in love and Jensen calls Misha "Babe" and Misha misses waking up to see Jensen in the morning, and they are just as cute and wonderful as can be.
So, I will end that there. I am so glad to see you back, and I hope I answered all your questions in a way that made sense ... I tried anyway!
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💖💖💖
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jaeminscoffee · 4 years ago
Text
Enough. (m.)
Pairing- Jung Jaehyun x reader
Genre- Smut, Fluff towards the end.
Word count - 3k
Warnings- Harddom!Jaehyun, Sub!reader,Rough sex (are we shocked), manhandling, degradation, choking, overstimulation, strong language, hair pulling, spanking, slight size kink, dirty talking, Jaehyun is pissed.
(just realised this is the longest warning list I've made so like, buckle up, you're up for a really messy long ass ride)
Summary- Jaehyun had had enough of your behavior.
(Minors kindly try not to interact with my blogs!)
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Jaehyun's life has been going at a very fast pace with the ongoing promotion of an ordeal according to you. 
Don't take it the wrong way, you were extremely happy that your boyfriend's getting promoted, but he's so caught up with it that you get the minimal attention from his side. Or so you think. 
Jaehyun is an extremely kind lad, but is an extreme disciplinarian. He is also highly patient, which you take a little too much advantage of. 
Take for example this one time the past week, Jaehyun had left early for a really important meeting when you'd decided to spam him with pictures, well not so moral. He wouldn't have minded if it was when he was in his cabin, but thinking it would've been something important seeing how many messages he was getting, he opened your texts, a picture of you in his favourite pair of lingerie took up it's place on his screen, and his fucking colleague got a glimpse of it. 
Strike one. 
Then came this time when he was busy completing a very crucial project, you texted him in bold "I'm in trouble' making Jaehyun's heart jump right up his throat. When he'd called you the very second, all he heard right after you had picked up the call was you whimpering, gasping his name slowly. You were touching yourself without his permission. 
Strike two. 
He could deal with all of that, stuffing the madness deep within him to not give you what you want, wanting to show you that your petty ways of grabbing his attention won't work on him. That just riled you up more. It got you even worked up seeing him walk in and out of the house with nothing but content on his face, no matter what you'd do. Want to scream at him? Well go ahead, Hm, silent treatment? Nah. Nagging should do the work, right? Wrong.
It's when he arrived home, all happy with the news he'd received at work when you decided to act up. 
"I'm home!" Jaehyun screamed from the entrance, loosening his tie, making his way towards where you were, the bedroom. 
"Babe! I've got good news--!" he got cut off, by you slamming yourself right onto him, holding him by the wall beside your bedroom door. 
"Have you been ignoring me?" you ask, voice gruff. Jaehyun's face seemed to contort, pondering when he'd done so. 
"No?" He answered, mostly questioning himself. You huff out, turning towards the side as the neediness from being lonely and untouched for over weeks got the best of you. You look at him, dead in the eyes, "Yes you did. You picked up none of my calls.-" he cut you off with his reasoning "I was in a meeting baby-" you cut him off this time, "And you ignored each one of my texts. You saw them, but didn't bother replying." 
Jaehyun let his eyes roam around your figure, draped in his black shirt, hair left free, face red from anger, chest heaving. He smiled knowingly. 
"I was busy, now would you be an absolute sweetheart and make me something while I go freshen up?" he ended with a hum, bending down to place a peck on your lips. 
"No." you reply, backing away from his body, walking backwards as you grip at the hem of your shirt, "No?" Jaehyun replied, now standing comfortably by the wall you'd shoved him onto with his arms folded over his chest. 
"No." you confirm, "Alright suit yourself." he shrugged, still standing there to see what you've got up your sleeves as you proceed to walk backwards in the direction of your closet. 
"I'm going over to Johnny's. At least he'd pay me more attention." you mumbled the last part, wantedly a little louder for him to hear. 
Jaehyun furrowed his eyebrows, he'd just gotten home. "And why would you do that?" he asked, stepping away from the wall, taking one small step towards you. "Because he knows how to give me attention and when." you reply loud and clear. Jaehyun visibly stiffened. 
You and Johnny had a history, you met Jaehyun through him, in fact. You guys were what your friends called friends with benefits. You'd cut off those ties and resorted to being best friends after getting into a relationship, of course. But Jaehyun always seemed hesitant to let you be alone with Johnny, but still gave you the freedom to do so. 
"What did you just say?" his voice gravelly as he took another step towards you. Jaehyun's sudden shift of demeanor makes you flinch the slightest. "I said, he knows how to give me attention and when, better than you for that matter."
Now that was strike three. 
Jaehyun's eyes darkened, as his built figure took long, fast strides towards you, scaring you a little, knowing you'd crossed the line. He stopped just an inch in front of you making you crane your neck to look at him, him lowering himself to be eye level with you. 
"What are you trying to get on, Y/n." Jaehyun asked, the pent up frustration of over time finally getting to him, gripping your shoulders in a tight hold making you hiss under your breath. 
Clearing your throat, you look down, then back up to his eyes, "Literally nothing. All I said was I'm going out to Johnnys" you stare at him with the same intensity his gaze held. Jaehyun's eyes narrowed, "Give me the exact reason." he asked, voice multiple octaves low. "Exact reason?" he hummed, "Well because my boyfriend won't fucking touch me so i have to seek help from my fuck buddy. There, happy?" 
You blink and next second you feel yourself being thrown down onto the sheets, earning a short gasp from your mouth. "Starting to whore around again, huh?" he spoke through gritted teeth, stripping out of his work suit, his biceps bulging as he removed his tie, his wrist watch, discarding only the watch by the side table, tie still in hand. 
"Well, whores get treated like whores." Jaehyun looked at you the way one would look at their prey. You whimper, his words, his aura, his voice all going straight to your core, sending shocks all throughout your body. "Strip." he ordered, standing tall, tie wrapped around his palm, arms folded over his chest, shifting his weight from one leg to another, body still adorning his white formal shirt and the black office pants, shirt tucked in making him look ethereal. 
You immediately comply, having waited for this all about the week, the only real material to remove being his shirt that had lifted up your thigh from how he'd thrown you onto the bed. 
You sit on your knees waiting for his next command. Jaehyun let out a throaty chuckle at your innocent gaze. He walked over towards the edge of the bed, gesturing with his hands for you to come over. You crawl over to him, sitting on your knees once again. You see him unwrap the tie and hold it in one hand, the other reaching out, "Give me your hands." he said in a throaty voice. You hesitate to do so, not wanting to be snatched of your freedom to touch him. 
You look at him with the most appealing, seductive look you could muster, trying to change his mind, all Jaehyun did was stare at you, boredom visible in his eyes. He waited, raising his eyebrows as you looked down at your hands that were resting on the bare flesh of your thigh. Jaehyun clicked his tongue, clearly annoyed, he took hold of your hands in a tight grip, "I don't like repeating myself, baby" he fumed, placing the silk clothing around your wrist, wrapping it multiple time before tying a knot tight enough to leave a bruise, making you wince, "And you know that." with one last tug at the knot, he backed away. 
Jaehyun removed his shirt, ripping it basically and all you could do was stare at him with lust oozing out of your eyes. At the sight of your boyfriends toned torso, you let out a silent moan, reaching your hands down between your thighs with your now tied up wrist, trying to soothe the aching. "Touch yourself and you won't even be allowed to fucking come." He growled, discarding the belt and his shirt, the only clothing on his body being his pants. You flinch at the tone of his voice, subtly brushing the tip of your finger on your clit, removing it immediately at his words. 
"Good. At least you know who does what here." Jaehyun exclaimed with voice dripping dominance, walking towards the bed once again and onto the bed, sitting the same way as you, still being taller. He trailed his hands up from your stomach, through the valley of your chest, and towards your neck, wrapping the elegant digits around the muscle, applying pressure, pushing you down onto the mattress. 
You look at him eyes wide, as the pressure increases, "Tell me, princess. Why have you been acting up lately?" Jaehyun inquired, hovering over your body, his broad shoulders covering you almost fully, the feeling of being powerless making your essence drip down onto the sheets 
"Answer me, bitch." he raised his voice, grip tightening around your neck, "J-jae-" you tap his hands, trying to let him know the pressure was too much. He didn't seem bothered though, until you frantically tried your hardest to gather as much oxygen as you could, he loosened just the slightest. 
"I-i'm sorry.. " was all you could get out, his eyes roaming all over your face before leaning down and capturing your lips in a rough kiss. Finally having some sort of your skinship with your boyfriend making you feel ecstatic as you allow yourself to slip into your subspace. Jaehyun swiped his tongue across your bottom lip, then biting it hard enough to draw a small amount of blood, making you gasp out loud, him taking advantage of your open mouth, slipping his tongue in. 
The exact moment, without you noticing, his hands had trailed down your body, towards your throbbing core, cupping the heat before shoving two digits straight into your wetness. 
You scream into the kiss, Jaehyun gulping down the sound, pulling away to hear your moans that were so addicting to his ears, the only thing keeping you attached being a string of saliva. 
Jaehyun didn't like it slow, his pace inhumanly fast in thrusting in and out of you, drawing moans after moans from you. 
"Look at you squirming already, tsk." He laughed, looking down at where his fingers disappeared in you, essence splattering each time he pulsed in. 
"J-Jae!" you tug at your wrist, wanting something to hold onto as he kept going, fingers curling in you making you jerk as you feel the tip of his fingers brush against your soft spot. 
With the actions of his skilled fingers, his gaze and the constant taunts, you felt yourself being dragged towards your high, expecting Jaehyun to slow down at the feeling of your wall clenching around his fingers, but all he did was smirk at you, moving downwards and increased the speed of his arms, the other wrapping around your middle to keep you in place as you thrash around, feeling your orgasm rip out of you. 
Jaehyun gave you one last smug look, before lowering himself, capturing your bundle of nerves in his mouth, fingers still going on about wanting to force another orgasm out of you.
You try closing your legs, the action making Jaehyun graze his teeth on your clit, removing his mouth from it right after, only to give your core a slightly rough smack, "Keep it open, baby. You wanted this." he mumbled against your core, vibrations of his voice travelling up your stomach, making your nipples painfully perk up, then resumed sucking and tugging on the sensitive bud. 
"jesus, fuck!" you cry out, not being given the chance to come down from your high, making you shut your eyes tight. 
Jaehyun dragged his fingers out slow, shoving it in with full force, watching you lift your back off the sheets, making the boy chuckle. His fingers fastened, if that was possible, tongue circling the clit, as you feel yourself near your second orgasm. 
"Ah, you're close again. Good, good." he spoke against your south lip, the feeling drawing you straight towards your high, as you feel a tear slip out of your eyes. 
Jaehyun immediately removed his fingers, lapping up the juices sprawling out of you, watching you twitch from being overstimulated. Eating you up clean, he backed away from your burning body, quickly discarding his pants alongside his boxer, chucking it somewhere behind him as you turned towards your side from the slight pain in your abdomen. 
Jaehyun looked at you, all fucked out, boosting his ego up further, as you desperately tried catching your breath. Futile. 
He let himself crawl back up your body, his hands removing the stray hair falling on your face, brushing his fingers through your tangled hair as you let yourself melt at his soft action. Funny, because the next moment, he gripped your roots, pulling you back onto your back making your breath hitch. "I had you come twice in less than 10 minutes, princess. You think Johnny could've done that?" he grunted, his painfully hardened dick now aligned by your entrance, making you squirm away as much as you could, Jaehyun keeping you in place with his hands tangled in your hair.
"Why the fuck are you silent now? Huh? Finally feeling bad for your sorry ass?" he tugged at the roots once again, making you shut your eyes tight at the pain, wanting freedom to move your hands however you want, being restrained by his necktie around your wrist.
Jaehyun dragged his length over your wetness, lubricating it before shoving it in completely, "Good, b-because i rather prefer you moan than use that annoying voice t-to talk about another guy" he grunted, the wetness and your tight walls feeling pleasurable on his member. 
You let out choked moans, letting Jaehyun ram himself inside you, tears continuously flowing down your cheeks. Jaehyun removed his hand from your hair, placing it beside your head instead to balance himself over you as he set a fast pace in going in and out. 
Jaehyun groaned, letting all his anger out by torturing your core, "Ja-jae slow down, I'm sensi-t-tive" you blurt out, mouth wide open. You hear him growl, pulling out of you, instead of saying anything, he flipped you onto your stomach, lifting your hips up in the air, before shoving his length back in. You let out a loud enough scream, clenching around his member, "That h-hurts.. " you cry out, keeping yourself up the best you could with your tied hands. "It should. With how you've been acting, you fucking deserve it." Jaehyun spoke, moving his hips against yours once again. In all honesty, you didn't want him to slow down, the pain not too unbearable, just perfect enough to be extremely pleasurable. 
Busy trying to focus on the feeling of his member moving in and out of your numb walls and trying to control your breath, you fail to notice one of his hands leave your waist, rubbing the flesh of your ass in a circular motion, lifting it up and bringing it down with full force, making you yelp at the sudden contact, "That's for being a fucking slut the entire week" his hands came down again, smacking the exact same spot, "That's for distracting me during work" you moan out, feeling your climax come closer with each smack, "That's for touching yourself." he groaned. 
He rubbed the reddening skin, bringing it back down with all his power, "That's for thinking about Johnny when I'm your fucking boyfriend" he finished, feeling you clench around his member as you reach your high. 
"And now she's coming again, fucking pathetic." he swore, your wetness producing squelching noises each time he pushed in, your overly dripping cunt now simply aching, unable to feel pleasure anymore. 
"J-jae i can't.." you say out in a strained voice, arms giving out as you lean your upper body down onto the mattress completely. "You can take a little more, and you will." he replied, going faster as he felt himself nearing the edge. Thrusts sloppier, Jaehyun reached out forward, gripping your hair once again, making you arch your back in a painful angle, as he held you there. His other hand reached out around your body, rubbing your clit in fast, circular motion, wanting you to come along with him. 
You tug at your wrist again, feeling the material pierce through your skin, making you cry out loud with pain both in your core and your wrist. 
You bite down your lips, feeling Jaehyun halt his hips, seeds coating your wall, the feeling having you experience an intense orgasm. 
He pulled out after emptying himself in you, your cries getting muffled, you feel both your juices drip down your thighs as Jaehyun gently lay you down. 
He took a hold of your hands, removing the tie, wincing at the red bruises, placing soft pecks all over the bruised area, he mumbled out a sorry, to which you just nodded your head. 
Jaehyun moved his body to sleep beside you, placing a kiss on your forehead as he ran his hands up and down your back in a comforting manner, making you calm down, "You okay?" he asked softly, you murmur out a faint yes, snuggling up his chest. 
After minutes of silence, the pain finally reducing the slightest, you ask Jaehyun, "you said something about having a good news..?" you whisper out loud enough for him to hear, eyelids growing heavier. He laughed out at your question, looking down at you, placing his chin on top of your head.
"Oh yeah, i got promoted."
1K notes · View notes
captains-simp · 4 years ago
Text
Carol Danvers ~ Two Sides Of The Same Coin
Chapter 1: Audacity
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The bounty of a lifetime isn't one you're about to turn down, despite the life threatening challenges and rivals. The most irritating of which is an intergalactic superhero who becomes insistent on aiding you, whether you like it or not
Two
[ masterlist ]
Buy me a coffee ☕
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"For the hundredth time, I don't know where he is! Either buy something or go someplace else."
Fuck, another dead end.
You searched the bartender's irritated eyes for any trace of a lie, already knowing you wouldn't find any but still holding onto a glimmer of hope you would catch a trace of something.
Nothing.
What had hope ever gotten you anyway?
"Just some Asgardian ale." You muttered. You really shouldn't have been buying such an expensive drink. Not to mention wouldn't be able to have much of it due to your plans of not passing out drunk that night. But you were just as frustrated and tired as the bartender.
A break could help. You lied.
You paid the bartender and tried to ignore the harsh feeling of regret already being planted in your gut. At least the alcohol would get rid of that - before it got worse.
Taking the glass, you dragged yourself to the back of the bar towards the corner you thought you wouldn't be disturbed in. That was usually the kind of environment you had your best ideas and tactics planned. The noise stopped your mind from wandering and the low level allowed you to concentrate. Even the slight buzz of the alcohol had its advantages.
But there was no success that night.
The bartender knew nothing. He was your final lead who would corporate with you. The next person you visited would be far less welcoming.
You had known that would happen when you accepted the job. It was going to be the hardest one you ever did, and the most rewarding. You had to keep reminding yourself that.
You're going to make a lot of enemies. You warned yourself for the hundredth time that week. It was true, you would. The number of people you could trust would plummet. You would have your own hit on your head. Was that really something you were prepared for?
I already have. Nothing will change. I've prepared for this. This is the bounty of a lifetime.
You were staring into your glass when she sat down. Her blonde locks were a blur in your peripheral, a momentary distraction from the recognisable colours of her suit.
It was hard to comprehend it for a second. She had arrived so suddenly and caught you unaware. Something you weren't familiar with. It was unnerving.
You sat upright and met her studious gaze. She was watching you carefully, as though trying to get a read on you. You did the same.
You had always wondered, maybe even hoped, that you would meet her. You were in two different lines of business but it wasn't like you hadn't crossed paths with heros before. There was usually some kind of mutual understanding, even some respect. You were quick to learn there wouldn't be any of that from her - not in that bar.
"Y/l/n." Carol stated, as though the pair of you were already acquainted. But it was far from a warm greeting.
Part of you wondered if you had done something illegal in your last job. Usually things like that were never dealt with, no one had the time to be chasing around bounty hunters when they were practically always on the move (and you saved the authorities a lot of trouble).
"Danvers." You replied. Both of you maintaining your stoic expressions.
"Captain Danvers." She corrected. You didn't acknowledge that and made no effort to correct yourself, wondering if it would damage that ego you had heard so much about, so she continued. "I've heard you have some information that could be of interest." She said. You didn't like where that was going. "What do you know about Daexire?" Fuck all. "Working progress." She quipped an eyebrow at that and waited for you to elaborate. You hoped she would be quick to catch on that you weren't much of a talker and that you had no interest in letting her swoop in to take your bounty.
"Do you know where he is?" God, no.
You breathed deeply through your nose before you leant forward onto your arms and flicked the side of your glass. The sound carried between you for a brief moment.
"Do you really think I would be sat here if I did?" Carol's eyes flicked down to the liquid in your glass, took in your outfit then finally returned to your slightly narrowed eyes.
"I wouldn't be surprised." You put a lid on the anger starting to replace the regret in your guts.
You were about to assure her that wasn't what you did, that whoever had told her about you didn't know you at all. She started talking again before you could, not picking up on - or maybe just not acknowledging - the trace of annoyance that may have slipped. You blamed the alcohol for that.
"Do you know anyone who does?" You did. That was a long list you were working through. Daexire was a famous man. But he was also a feared and respected one. Both were hard to overcome.
"I don't." Had it been another bounty and another hero, you would have told them. However a bounty like it wouldn't come up again, it was what you needed to escape that life you had forced yourself into. And Carol's complete disregard of your capabilites was definetly something that was going to encourage you. Maybe your pride was a little fragile.
Carol narrowed her eyes at you for longer than you were comfortable with, because you both knew she didn't believe you. You also both knew that you wouldn't tell her anything different. Yet she persisted.
"Daexire is a powerful man. He abuses that power and will continue to do so until he's stopped." The seriousness of her voice had a small voice in the back of your head urge you to tell her what she needed to know. She was right. Daexire was powerful, and so was Carol. But you knew what you were doing too.
"So I hear." Was all you said as your eyes stayed fixed on hers.
"This is serious, y/l/n." Carol warned.
"So I hear." Her jaw clenched firmly at that. You were glad to see you had gained the upper hand in some way. It certainly encouraged you.
"You're in way over your head with Daexire." It was your turn to clench your jaw. She didn't even give you the benefit of the doubt.
"And what makes you think you're not?"
Without a word, Carol held her arm out at her side and aimed her fist at an area over your shoulder. Swirls of yellow light flowed around her fist with spikes of blue and red among it.
There was no time to admire the lightshow. A blast of energy left her fist and fired across the bar, sending everyone into panic.
Everyone ducked down to avoid the blast and it's damage but you weren't focused on them, or even the photon blast. Sure, it was a little close for comfort, but Carol wouldn't hurt you. That you were certain of.
"You want to distract Daexire with a lightshow?" You quipped, feigning disinterest. Carol was far from pleased with that.
"You're going to get yourself killed trying to capture him." She no longer held herself back, set on saying something to make you second guess your stubborness. "Just tell me who can lead me to him and it will all be over so much quicker." Carol was growing impatient and didn't try to hide it, or perhaps she was unable to. You had been taking the piss more than anyone had in a long time.
"I can handle myself and I can handle Daexire." Your confidence in your knowledge and abilities had never failed you before.
You downed the Asgardian ale in one before Carol could get another word in. Embracing the instant, electrifying burn of the alcohol, you stood up from your seat and left the bar without looking back at Captain Marvel.
* * *
"I don't know anything." He was lying through his teeth, which were currently tainted a light red from the blood in his mouth.
Just as you had guessed, your visit wasn't welcome. The moment he opened the door to you he tried to slam it in your face upon recognition, instantly attempting to flee through the back door. He had put up a fight when you caught him - a surprisingly long one - that had ended with him tired to his own chair while you looked around the house and asked him questions.
You found nothing. You knew Daexire never liked having a paper trail of his work, but you would be kicking yourself if you didn't try.
"What was the last thing you designed for him?" You asked as your eyes wondered across the mantelpiece.
The man, Owen, was renowned for his weapons. They weren't exactly your style, but you had seen enough close up demonstrations of those weapons to know they were efficient to say the least.
They were all overtly large and had a hell of a kick to them (and must be a joy to try out) not to mention the most expensive weapons on the black market. So it was no surprise there had been countless rumours that Owen had designed one or two things special for Daexire. Whether it was a spineless ass-kissing attempt, a try for an alliance or just fear of being on Daexire's bad side, you weren't sure.
"Nothing. I've never had any business with him." You didn't have to turn around to know he was lying. Having him in your peripheral was enough.
"You're not getting out of that chair until I'm satisfied with what you tell me." You said, eyeing the figurine of an old fashioned Earth car.
"I have nothing else to say." Owen scowled.
"Maybe we could have a chat instead?" You spun around at the sound of the cocky voice.
Carol met you with an arrogant smirk at the sight of your confusion, wanting to know how she had snuck up on you without you noticing...again!
You watched her in annoyance as she strolled across the room towards Owen.
"Seems like you do know people who can help, y/l/n."
"Must have slipped my mind." Not bothering to conceal the lie. Carol hummed in response and trailed her focus back to Owen.
"Daexire. Where is he?" Carol demanded in a no-bullshit tone. You watched Owen  carefully, curious to see if he was going to respond differently to the arrogant blonde, that would definetly be irritating.
"I already told that crazy bitch," he nodded in your direction, "I don't know." That wasn't a lie. He really didn't know. That didn't mean there wasn't other things he could share.
Carol clearly hadn't come to the same conclusion. In a second she had her arm raised and fired a photon blast across the room, making a prominent indent in the wall. That's getting annoying really quickly.
"He really doesn't know." You said as you leant back against the wall, your arms crossed as you watched the interaction.
"And how are you so sure?" Carol asked, completly unconvinced.
The corner of your lip twitched into a small smile. You weren't going to let Carol in on your secrets. At least not yet.
"I just do. So leave it."
"No chance." The swirls around her wrist started up again and this time Carol levelled her arm to Owen's chest. She wouldn't...would she?
Owen seemed skeptical too, willing to try his luck. "You're not going to kill me."
"Who said anything about killing? There isn't just one level to this thing, you know? It could just hurt...really badly." Carol left her implications hanging in the air as you both watched Owen fidget in his seat.
"I really don't know where he is-" Carol's fist lit up more and a soft hum emanated from it warningly. "Because no one does." He said in a rush, turning his face away. "He knows about the bounty and he doesn't trust anyone right now." Owen explained as fast as he could.
Carol glanced over at you, much to your surprise, and you nodded. He was telling the truth.
"So he's scared?" Carol asked, still holding her fist close.
"He's preparing."
"For what? Me?" You rolled your eyes and tried to ignore Carol's I'm-the-centre-of-the-universe attitude.
"For anything." That had you wondering just how many people were going after Daexire. You had assumed it would be very few. For most they wouldn't even come close and if they did it would be certain death.
"And that's all you know?" You knew it needed to be asked, but you hated that question because you were already certain of the answer. You looked up to have your thoughts confirmed. Truth.
You walked towards Owen and took a knife from your belt. He leant away for a moment but relaxed when you started cutting the ties.
Another dead end. You pondered if the knowledge that a lot of people were after Daexire would help you at some point. You knew you shouldn't let that optimism distract you.
"Thank you for your cooperation." Carol said in a mocking business woman tone.
Owen made the smart decision of not responding and rubbed his wrists as he watched the pair of you leave with another scowl.
"So where now?" Carol asked as you stepped out the door of the house with the blonde right behind you.
"Were you following me?" You accused as you took a step back to put some space between you.
"Yep." You didn't know if it was that Carol knew you would see through her lie or just that she wanted to declare that with some pride. The smug look on her face told you it was the latter.
It has been a couple days since your meeting in the bar. You would be lying if you said Carol hadn't popped up in your mind since then, wondering if you had made the right decision in brushing her off. But you really hadn't expected her to be following you.
"Well stop. This isn't happening." You motioned between the pair of you and made your way back to your ship to consider your options.
"I helped you out in there!" Carol called out as she jogged to catch up with you.
"You did fuck all." You scoffed. She didn't have a reply for that. You weren't entirely right - she did help - but you would have been fine on your own. Interrogation was something you excelled at. It wouldn't have taken you long to get those answers on your own.
"I can help." She insisted.
"Then help yourself, Danvers." Deliberately not calling her Captain.
You remotely opened the cargo door of your ship from the device around your forearm before you turned around to get another look at Carol.
"And don't follow me." You said as the door closed. She made no objections, but something told you you would be seeing the blonde hero again.
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karlajoyner · 4 years ago
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Stressed Out (Sunset Curve x Reader)
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A/n: So starting off I've made a master list that I'm posting real soon for you all to access my stories without the scrolling. In order to post it I have to update my post about my requests/taglist and soon because I do get a lot on that comments that ask for more Charlie or more Owen and I wanna give you guys that but I also wanna make sure that I get through the requests that you guys send me with plots and storylines. It just makes it like a thousand times easier to have something to work off of. Opposed to me coming up with my own storylines that I have to do a lot of reading on my own to get my gears working! But again thank you guys for the comments! And finally I wanna say thank you for sending in your requests and your feed back. It is much appreciated!
Disclaimer: Alex is bi in this one not taking away from the fact that he's gay in the show it just runs best for this storyline! There is no Bobby btw! Haven’t written a foursome with 3 guys before so it might suck ass. And it’s not much but it’s something so enjoy my fellow fantoms!
Warnings: Smut (18+)
————
I internally groaned walking into school. I wasn't the worst student. But by far I certainly was not the best. Which is why I had a reputation since I first arrived to high school.
That and I was in a band with 3 of my best friends. Who all happened to be guys. Hot guys at that.
Which automatically made me the schools slut. It was fine with me but the boys didn't like the label.
No matter how true it was.
"Hey y/n heard you gave Mike Dawson a blowjob this weekend. Just when I thought you couldn't be anymore of a slut"
"Mind your fucking business Hayley" I heard a familiar voice speak up for me. A smirk spreading on my face as I felt an arm wrap around my shoulder.
"Did she come to you right after Patterson? What's it like to be her sloppy seconds?" Hayley Becker spoke with a wicked evil smirk plastered on her face.
"Fucking amazing actually. God the long nights we have. It's so great" I heard another familiar voice from my left. A large hand intertwining my fingers with theirs. She rolled her eyes clearly not expecting my boys to speak up for me. But then again neither was I.
"Slut"
"Skank"
"Whore"
"Bitch" I spoke as the bell rang.
"Just watch your back y/l/n" She said before turning around and walking away.
"She will!" Reggie shouted after the dark haired girl. The three of us expectantly looking at our bandmate.
"What? I didn't even get to tell her we would too" I sighed shaking my head at the boy.
"Thanks for sticking up for me guys but I can do that myself"
"We know. But your our girl. And apart of this band so we're kinda obligated" Alex spoke as the four of us walked to first period.
"Your really not"
"Come on y/n you know we're still gonna do it"
"I know and I only let you today cause I can't deal with that bitch at this time of day. I mean seriously it's 8:00 o'clock in the morning. Does she not have anything better to do than spread rumors about me?"
"Apparently not. So you and Jake Mills behind the church?" Reggie asked.
"Didn't happen considering I was with you idiots all weekend. You know your the only guys I touch" I bit my lip hearing the three of them chuckle.
"Yeah well it better stay that way. I don't wanna hear Trevor O'Connor bragging about banging you in the boys locker room again"
"Schools golden boy?" I questioned.
"He tried starting the rumor yesterday during p.e but we quickly shut it down" Reggie explained as I stopped a few feet away from the science room to continue talking.
"So Hayleys boyfriend wants to bang me? Wow"
"Yeah but don't even fucking thing about" Luke said pushing me up against the lockers beside us.
"I wasn't. Unless you guys piss me off" I grinned pushing him off of me. Opening the door a few feet away and walking in.
"Gentlemen. And Ms. y/l/n. Your late"
"Sorry Mrs. Daniels we had to deal with something"
"And did this something give you tardy passes"
"It did not"
"Detention. All of you"
"That's nothing new to them Mrs. Daniels"
"Shut the fuck up Hayley" I scoffed taking my seat beside Alex.
"Ladies stop it before I send you to the principal"
"Yes Mrs. Daniels" Hayley and I spoke in sync.
"I can't believe Luke dated her" I whispered towards Alex glaring at the blonde bimbo.
"Jealous?"
"Why would I be? I already have him. And I could have her boyfriend too if I wanted him" I said taking down the notes on the board.
"Mrs. Daniels I can't focus on the lesson because they're distracting me with their talking" Hayley spoke pointing an accusing finger at us.
"We are not!" I shouted sitting up.
"Yes you are probably talking about who your gonna whore around with next"
"Yeah it's your boyfriend if you don't check yourself Hayley"
"Trevor would never do that!"
"I'm pretty sure he would"
"Ladies principal office right now" I scoffed standing up.
"Wait!" Luke shouted standing up. Everyone's heads whipping toward him. He made his way over to me groping my left boob.
I scowled at how hard he squeezed glaring at him.
"Dickhead" I muttered.
"Mr. Patterson! You too principals office" We looked at the other two boys expectantly. Alex immediately rolling his eyes before standing up.
"We could do this the easy way or the hard way Mrs. Daniels"
"If she goes we go"
"I cannot send you two away for absolutely no reason Reginald" Mrs. Daniels spoke challenging the boys.
I close my eyes preparing myself for what came next. Alex was quick to slap my ass while Reggie pulled me in for a sweet kiss. Immediately earning gasps from my classmates.
"Now I can do it. Office all of you! And detention today after school!"
I groaned walking out of the principals office with my bandmates.
"Detention for 3 weeks. Seriously?"
"To make it worse we have to spend 2 of those with Hayley" I spoke seeing the blonde talking with Trevor just a few feet away. Being sure to send them a harsh glare, I finally turned back to the boys.
"Hey you'll be with us everything's gonna be fine" Reggie said throwing an arm around my shoulder leading me away to our next period. That we conveniently had together.
"No it won't. I also have to chaperone the stupid homecoming with Hayley" I cried wanting nothing more than for the day to be done for.
That afternoon we spent in detention not leaving until late afternoon. Due to the fact that my detention went on longer than the boys.
I walked into the studio behind Luke not really in the mood to practice.
"What's wrong y/n/n? You seem down" Reggie asked as I plopped back onto the couch.
"I'm just tired is all. And a little stressed out"
"But we've gotta practice baby, for our next gig. Sunset Curves so gonna rock that book club" Luke said picking up his six string. I watched as Alex and Reggie sent him a glare, the boy immediately putting it back down.
"Or we could take a day off" He spoke coming to sit to my left while Reggie was on my right.
"That sounds amazing" I mumbled feeling Alex begin to massage my shoulders from behind. I craned my neck allowing him more access. Now feeling a little more relaxed than before.
"So tell us y/n/n why are you stressed out?" Luke asked as I shut my eyes.
"Well for starters I'm so gonna get my ass beat when I get home" I sighed feeling Reggie begin to rub my arm to comfort me. Something he did often with how anxious I got.
"And there's just nothing I want to do more than run your ex girlfriend over with a bulldozer" I mumbled hearing a chuckle escape their lips.
"Sounds like a plan" Alex said as Luke intertwined our fingers.
"We'll make a day out of it. Just us four and a bulldozer" He joked making me giggle. The laugh got caught in my throat as I felt a soft kiss on the side of my neck.
"Seriously guys? Not today. No way" I spoke opening my eyes.
"We just wanna help you relax"
"That's what you said last time. I couldn't walk right for 2 days" I mumbled the last part.
"We'll be gentle" Reggie spoke.
"I know you will Reg. It's them I'm worried about" I spoke earning a pointed look from Alex.
"Okay Luke"
"Am I that rough?" He asked a frown forming on his face.
"Sometimes" I admitted feeling a little bad.
"Gee I'm sorry baby" Luke spoke kissing the back of my hand.
"It's okay. I like it when I'm in the mood" I said watching as Alex walked around the couch.
"Well then boys why don't we help our girl relax for today" Alex said bending down in front of me. I bit my lip as he spread my legs open feeling a slight breeze hit my covered core.
"Well there's no need for your skirt or these" Alex spoke toying with the waistbands of both my skirt and panties.
I shimmied out of them with ease leaving me exposed to my best friends like I'd been many times before.
"She just gets prettier every time"
"And wetter"
"Mind if I taste baby?" Luke asked. I nodded my head, watching as he dipped his long fingers in between my folds. Moaning as he pulled them back up to see them glistening with my cum.
"So good" He whispered putting them in his mouth.
"Okay I want a taste now" Alex said opening my legs a little wider.
"Guys. A little help" I huffed as Luke and Reggie hooked themselves on each of my thighs to keep me still.
"Please" I begged getting more turned on by the second. The blonde didn't hesitate to latch onto my core. A loud moan escaping my lips.
"Oh fuck" I struggled to keep still as he moved his tongue skillfully through my folds. Lapping it inside and out as moans fell from my lips.
I whimpered as Reggie slowly began to rub my clit making the pleasure intensify.
"Use y-you're f-fingers" I mustered out Alex obeying my request sticking two fingers in my wet pussy. Picking up the pace. My eyes screwed shut as a familiar feeling of bliss coursed through me.
"Look at me baby" Luke muttered turning my head to look at him with his free hand. I opened my eyes looking into his blue ones covered with complete lust.
He was quick to smash his lips onto mine as the other two worked on building up my orgasm. Which wasn't far at the pace Alex was working on me.
"Holy shit!" I panted pulling away and throwing my head back at the amazing sensation of my orgasm hitting.
"You squirted princess" Alex grinned wiping away the liquids dribbling down his chin. I giggled at his swollen pink lips placing a quick peck to them.
"What now baby?" Luke asked rubbing his hand on my thigh.
I looked at the three boys before discarding any remaining clothes I had left. Watching as their eyes raked me up and down like many times before.
"Reg can you just fuck me today. I really need gentle" I begged as his cheeks turned bright red whenever I asked him to do something. Whether it was sexual or not.
"Sure beautiful" He smiled lopsidedly pushing his lips onto mine.
I sighed in content as he pushed me down on the couch. My head landing on Luke's lap giving me a little leverage.
"She's something else" Alex spoke to no one in particular.
"Your telling me" Reggie panted pulling away to undo his belt and jeans. I bit my lip looking up at the boy with the blue eyes. Who no surprise had a smirk plastered on his face.
"Condom" I heard Alex say presumably to Reggie. But I was too entrance in Luke's gaze wanting to include him. Upon hearing a ripping of a package I glance back at the boy who was hovering above me.
"I can do something for you after if you want" I bit my lip speaking towards Luke.
"It's okay baby. It's about you today" He said moving his hand down from my collarbone to my boob.
Reggie and I moaned simultaneously as he slowly entered me. Immediately stretching me out.
"So tight" He muttered beginning to move at a steady pace.
A squeal escaping my lips as Luke pinched my nipples paying close attention to each of them. He'd always been a boob guy.
I pulled Reggie down towards me our lips meeting in the middle as his speed began to increase.
Then there they were again. Fingers were now rubbing circles on my clit presumably Alex's sending my body into pure ecstasy.
I moaned loudly into Reggies mouth as I felt myself my inner walls clench around him. Earning a groan from the bassist. His thrust becoming more sloppy.
"Shit. Shit. Oh fuck" He cursed as his orgasm hit. Mine coming seconds after.
"Holy fuck Reg" I panted coming down from my high.
"That was pretty fucking hot princess" Alex spoke as Reggie got off of me to go throw away the condom.
"I try" I joked sitting up. Luke immediately removing his muscle tee and handing it to me.
"You do know this isn't gonna cover much up right?" I questioned him putting it on anyway.
"Who said we wanted you to cover up baby" He said pulling me under his arm. I sighed contently placing my hands on his bare torso.
"Anyways Reg why don't you go run her a bath inside the house" Alex suggested throwing me my panties that had been thrown onto the lazy boy.
"Got it!" Reggie said coming over and placing a chaste kiss to my lips before running out of the garage.
"I get to clean her up in the shower. Called it" Luke said as Alex wrapped his arms around my waist.
"Just as long as I get to put her to bed"
"Guys I've orgasmed twice today give me a break"
"Are you feeling more relaxed princess?"
Alex asked grinning at me.
"Much. Now if we could do that consistently for the next 2 weeks then I might be able to get through detention with Hayley without ripping her head off" I spoke earning a laugh from the two boys. Both of them knowing well that I wasn't joking.
————
Up Next: Carrie Wilson x Reader
Owen Patrick Joyner x Reader
Charlie Gillespie x Reader
Alex x Male Reader
Luke Patterson x Reader
Charlie Gillespie x Reader
————
@lolychu @headheartbellarke @bookish0918 @kcd15 @ifilwtmfc @moviesbooksandfandoms @lovesanimals @lavender-writer @kaitieskidmore1 @morganayennefertyrell @iloveteenwolf @ghostofmgg
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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years ago
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Gateway Drug | Part Ninety-Four [PT.1]
Words: 3.1k
Warning(s): explicit language, mentions of substance abuse
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NIKKI 
"My wife doesn't tell me she's having an important surgery done, no, no, she just tells her girl friend Sharise who tells Vinnie and I'm the last one to fucking know about it." I tell Amber. 
"I didn't wanna stress him out." Vivian insists, raising her brows. 
"No, you just don't wanna keep me in the know just to piss me off." I argue. 
"Nikki, go to hell." She tells me. 
"You're not talking to him like that in here," Amber scolds her. "Just like he's not talking to you like that. We aren't doing that anymore. That was the issue last week. I didn't stop you two from talking trashy to each other and it got you where you are right now." She states. "Vivian, why didn't you tell Nikki about your procedure?" 
"I didn't even tell the father of my kid I was having it done--I'm just a private person." She tells her. 
"Duff doesn't even know?" 
"No, he doesn't, and he's not going to." She looks at me. 
Note to self: call Duff when she leaves. 
"Why haven't you him?" Amber asks her next. 
"Because I was freaking out over it enough as it was. I didn't need more people freaking out over it." She says. "So I just told Sharise because she was the one driving me home from it."
Amber just raises her brows and thinks for a second, her lips pursed. 
"You see what I have to deal with?" I ask as I motion to Viv. 
"Nikki, please." Vivian rolls her eyes. 
"And she wonders why I won't fuck her. She doesn't deserve it at the moment." I add. 
"Your dick isn't made of gold, Nikki, it's some trophy I should have to earn--especially when you clearly have no qualms tossing it around like a hot potato from one pussy to the next." 
"That's not how you were acting last week." I argue. "
"But you won't fuck me because I'm not Vanity." She says back. 
"I won't fuck you because the thought of screwing a pregnant chick makes my skin crawl." I admit. 
"You'll go down on me while I'm on the rag but me being eleven weeks pregnant--barely showing--is where you draw the line?" 
"Right, sorry, 'I won't fuck you because the thought of screwing a pregnant chick makes my skin crawl when she's pregnant with a baby she cheated on me to conceive,' there, that's better." I correct myself. 
"At least I know the lovechild I have, exists. Do I even wanna think about the girls you've probably knocked up across the globe the last several years?" She accuses me. 
"Unlike you, dear, I know how to fucking use condoms." I cut back at her.
"Gee, can't imagine where I learned to hate condoms in the first place." She sarcastically adds. 
"Fuck if I know, you were telling me to take the damn thing off the first time we even had sex, little miss, 'I'm a virgin', 'this is my first time,' which looking back now is so obviously bullshit." I scoff. 
"I was until you fucking corrupted me." 
"My apologies, I didn't realize I was creating a cum monster whose main ambition was to procreate." 
"And I didn't realize I was creating a codependent junkie." She doesn't hesitate to throw back at me and we're both silent just enough for Amber to cut in. 
"I am going to give you two homework." She says, sighing, glancing at the clock. 
We're out of time. 
"I want you two to write each other a letter, one that doesn't involve putting one another down, and I want you to pick a time--any experience or memory with on another--that you consider the happiest you've been with each other, and I want you to mail them to each other, and next visit you'll read each other's letters back to one another to remind that person what they wrote. Sound easy?"
We just look at each other, not saying a word. 
I didn't want to waste my time writing something for her that she'd just rip up without reading, and I knew she would, and I could see she didn't want to do that, either.
I'm great at song writing...but love letters? 
I think back to the last love letter I wrote for Viv...the one in the back of her Bible I gave to her. 
It kind of hurts that one of the last physical confessions of love I gave to her was practically a suicide note. 
I close my eyes and groan, rubbing my forehead. 
Fuck.
I try to think back to my happiest time with her over the last years. 
Like flicking through the index of my mind--as best as I can, at least…
I let out a heavy sigh as I flip from channel to channel, chewing my gum, getting frustrated when I can't find anything interesting to watch. 
"Are you gonna find a channel and stick to it or are you gonna keep flipping through the same channels and expect programming to change in a matter of seconds?" Vivian asks in a borderline snap, getting aggravated with me. 
I just roll my jaw and turn the T.V. off, tossing the remote onto the coffee table. 
"I didn't say turn it off, Nikki, you can watch T.V., just pick a channel and stick to it." She sighs, her Bible still in hand, the pad she's using to take notes in, in her lap. 
"No. You just read your shit in peace and quiet. Sorry for the interruption." I reply, passively. 
"Nikki, turn the T.V. back on and watch it." 
"I'm good." I state. 
"Ugh, you are such a whiney baby." She mumbles and I raise my brows, looking at her. 
"I'm a what?" I ask, and she looks at me. 
"A whiney baby." 
"A whiney baby?" 
"Yeah." She says it surely. 
I'm grabbing her socked foot that's in my lap, making her squeal, her Bible and notepad falling in the floor when she kicks at me as I start tickling her foot. 
"Nikki, stop!" She laughs out, sitting up and trying to fight me off of her. 
"No, I'm a whiney baby remember?" I remind her, letting her foot go, getting on top of her, my hands moving to her waist, making her laugh again, trying to push me off of her. 
I lean down and kiss her exposed neck, and stop tickling her, instead wrapping my arm under her, pulling her against me, settling between her legs. 
She sighs and kisses me when I lean down to her. 
Once we pull away for air, I run my thumb over her lip and she blinks up at me, slowly. 
I can tell she's thinking, "what the hell is this? What are we doing? We aren't dating, we're not just friends, though, so what are we, Sixx?" 
I don't know, either. 
I'd tell her that but I don't want to freak her out or something. 
I like her, a lot...more than a lot…
"What is it?" She asks me, and I realize I've just been staring at her. 
"I, uh...I'm not really seeing anyone else anymore, you know?" I say, hoping she gets the hint, and she raises her brows a little. 
"Oh." She replies.
"Not that it's a big deal or anything." I add. 
"I wasn't thinking it was." She shakes her head a little...but I can practically see her doing little mental cartwheels and screaming out with joy. 
I just smile at her, kissing her again.
I wrinkle my nose at the memory, not quite sure if that's when I was at my happiest with her. 
I just decide to keep digging through more of my memory--what's left of it, that is--until I'm grabbing my pen, and writing away at the paper. 
"Shhh, shh, you're gonna wake her up!" Vivian whisper yells at me as she holds a sleeping Skylar, the little baby wrapped up in a thick blanket, pacifier in mouth, knocked out cold.
"It's nearly 5:00a.m., what the hell are you doing up?" I ask her, trying to talk straight after a night of booze and blow. 
"She hasn't slept since midnight. I've been trying everything but she just dozes for a few minutes and then wakes back up and whines." She explains.
She looks tired...exhausted, really. 
"You want me to hold her and you go to bed?"
"She doesn't like you, the second she gets the feelings you're holding her, she'll wake you screaming." She reminds me. 
"She likes me." I argue. 
"Nikki, she purposely pees on you anytime you change her diaper, she gets antsy when you hold her--not to mention the amount of times you weren't paying attention and put her clothes on backwards or inside out and she pitches a fit." 
"Hey, trying to dress a squirmy kid is military-grade patience training. If you try to perfect whatever it is she's wearing, she gets irritated and just wants down and starts moving around more and making it more difficult to get some clothes on her." She just chuckles a little and gets quiet in the light of the little reading lamp, her eyes closing slowly. 
"Viv," 
"Hmm?"
"Go put the baby in the little crib thing Sharise brought over and go lay down." I tell her, quietly. 
"I'm fine where I'm at." She insists, but I know she's not. 
I take the chance and gently pick Skylar up, causing Vivian to say, "Nikki, don't wake her up," and I carefully make sure not to wake her as I carry her to the guest bedroom and put her in her playpen on her back like Sharise drilled into mine and Viv's heads to be sure of. 
She doesn't wake up, and when I get back to the living room, Vivian's asleep in her chair, cuddled under the blanket she had Skylar under. 
"Alright," I nudge her awake and she hums, furrowing her brows. "C'mon," I say to her, and she reaches her hands out. "What is it?" I ask her. 
"Can you carry me?" She asks and I sigh out. 
"Yeah, baby," I don't tell her, 'no,' despite not knowing whether or not we'll get to the bedroom because I'm tired and I know she obviously is, too, and she's not light as a feather--which will just make me more tired by the time I head to the bedroom. 
I scoop her up and make it to the bed, only nearly dropping her once due to losing my footing--which that's not her fault. That's just the evidence of my night out. 
When I lay her on the bed and pull my clothes off, crawling in beside her, she's snuggling up to me under the covers.
"You smell good." She mumbles to me. 
"I don't know how. I smell like cologne, sweat, and booze." I mumble back, my eyes closed. 
"You smell good." She repeats it. 
"You do, too." I reply. 
"I showered. You should try it some time." She says. 
"Okay, Sixx, don't make me whoop your ass at five in the morning." I tell her, keeping my eyes closed, and she giggles, pressing her lips to my cheek, and my jaw, her nails trailing down my chest to my abdomen, deliberately running over the trail of hair leading down to my…
"It's five in the morning." I groan out, biting back a moan when her hand wraps around me, another kiss being pressed to my cheek. 
"We can be done in a couple minutes." She tells me. 
"I thought you were tired." I reply, trying to wake myself back up being that a certain part of me is up and alert. I rake my hands down my face as she straddles me, before looking up at her. "You're like those spiders that wait for the males to be vulnerable then they fuck 'em and kill 'em." I add, despite my hands running up her thighs to her waist…
"You always complain about early morning sex but then by seven o'clock you're the one not letting me tap out." She reminds me. 
I just grab her hips and push her off of me before getting on her, making her laugh before my mouth catches hers, my teeth bitting at her lip before my tongue smoothes over it, making her moan softly. 
By the time we're finished and satisfied, I'm getting off of her with deep breaths, the both of us gasping for air, covered in sweat--even our hair. 
We don't hear Skylar down the hall which is a good sign that she's still asleep. 
It's weird having a baby in the house. I know it's temporary, until Vince and Sharise get back from their little Florida getaway, but it's odd taking care of someone else aside from Vivian.
I wonder what it would be like if Viv would've actually been pregnant when we got married like she thought she was. 
We'd have a two year old by now. 
How fucking bizarre would that be raising a kid in this life at the moment. 
Sure, Vince is doing it, but that's because Sharise is solid as a fucking rock. 
I'd take a bullet for Vivian--fucking die for her--but she's not solid like that, not right now, at least. She used to be. 
I mean she's still sober as shit but sobriety doesn't help much when you're wired even though you don't have a drop of anything in your system.
Look at me, like I'm one to be talking about dependability.
I look over at her, she's passed out, damp red hair across her pillow, covers pulled over her shoulder…
I reach over and run my fingertips across her cheek, the palm of my hand moving up to smooth over her hair as rays of sun start to filter through the small parting in the blackout curtains.
I'd love to have a kid in a couple years--maybe even within the next year--it just depends on the band, whether we're where we need to be by then or not...whether me and Viv are where we need to be or not, too. 
Which as of right now, we're great. 
We're more than great. 
We haven't argued in two weeks. 
Two fucking weeks. 
Who the hell goes that long without arguing? Certainly not us, but here we are. 
We weren't fighting as much because we were having sex like bunnies. I'm talking at least twice a day--Twice. A. Day. For two and a half weeks. 
Looking back, I know it's because she was in the wake of a miscarriage, I was in the wake of Vince and Razzle's tragedy, we were both craving a quick fix and I guess sex is how we were illusioned into believing we were healing. 
In reality we obviously weren't solving anything, just brushing it under the rug, but it was honestly the happiest I had been with her for our marriage. 
It was peaceful. We weren't at each other's throats. We weren't at war. We looked forward to seeing each other and spending time with each other, and it was the closest we got to being how we were when we were just dating...so that, for me at that time, was the happiest I remember us being.
The next day I'm taking my enveloped and stamped letter down to the mailbox in the hall near the recreation room, passing by Amber on my way, seeing her nod at me in acknowledgment before I'm halting myself and coming back to see her. 
"Hey, Doc, I need a word." I tell her. 
"Can it wait, Mr. Sixx, I'm running late for a meeting?" 
"I wanna know why having sex with my wife is a bad thing?" I ask, and she stops and looks at me. 
"It's not. Nobody said it was." She tells me. 
"You told me it might jeopardize our progress if we move too fast." 
"Because it very well could. You both have co-dependence intertwined in your sex lives." She explains.
"Well, I don't know if you've been paying attention to the last couple sessions but my wife has needs right now. And not having sex with her right now is jeopardizing our progress because she thinks something's wrong with her." 
"But you've told me, and her, you don't desire her because she's currently carrying another man's child."
"I've been thinking about it and I told her I'd work this out with her and how I've acted towards her is kinda contradictory to that." I admit. "And I can't go home and screw her into next week because you've got me paranoid about messing things up, now." 
"Have you told her my opinion on sex in your relationship as of now?" 
"No."
"Well, then, tell her about it and I'll take the blame for it." 
"I don't want you to take the blame for anything, I want you to 'ok' me banging my wife." 
"If you want to, 'bang,' your wife, then you can do that. There's not a law in the universe barring you from getting intimate with her."
"Sure as shit feels like it." I argue. 
"Tell you what, you talk to her about it--tell her my opinion--and we'll touch on it in the next session." She suggests. 
"Pun intended?" I ask and she furrows her brows, looking unamused. 
"...Okay, nevermind." I mumble. 
"I'll see you Friday for your session with the boys, have a good day." She tells me, giving me a nod before walking away. 
I just shake my head a little, irritated, and drop my letter in the mail box, heading to the payphone to try to call Vivian. 
"Hello?" She answers on the second ring and I clear my throat. 
"H-Hey, it's me," I say, and she's quiet for a moment. 
"Hey," she finally answers and I let out a breath of relief. 
"Do you wanna visit tomorrow? I need to talk to you about something." I tell her. 
"Is this where you tell me you're filing for a divorce afterall?" She asks and I rub my lips together. 
"No, Viv, it's not. It's about our sex thing." I struggle trying to define it. 
"Can we even have a sex thing if we aren't even having sex?" 
"Ha. Ha. Smartass." I state. "Seriously, you wanna come?" 
"More than you know." She replies and I can't help but laugh. 
"Pun not intended." She adds. "I'll be there around nine o'clock, if that's okay? I have another appointment to check on the baby since the surgery and then I'm gonna try to go shopping for some decently healthy things because I'm gaining too much weight at the moment." 
"You're pregnant--that's your excuse to eat whatever the fuck you want, when you want it, isn't? Like a chick liberation thing or something." 
"I'm eating too much junk, I don't want to pop out a fifteen pound baby. My pussy will rip to my ass." She says and I get a horrifying image. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, Nikki, I gotta go." 
"Alright, see you then. Bye, baby." 
"Bye." She replies softly before hanging up.
I pick at the inside of my lip with my teeth, another thought coming to mind...and my eyes shift to my pinky ring on my right hand...the same one I'd proposed to Vivian with back in '83.
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artificialqueens · 3 years ago
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Gimme Love, 8/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder
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AN: Oof! After this part, we have one more chapter. Things start to look a little bit better for Brie in this part of the story. Not completely, but she's getting there. Enjoy!
TW for this chapter: mental health mentions
2020
A week later, still no change on the Ed Sheeran thing. Launch day was just around the corner, and my nerves were wrecked. And Jujubee still hadn't spoken a word to me.
It was only morning time, and I hadn't even been awake for 5 minutes. Already so many things were playing in my mind.
I still hadn't reinstalled Messenger. So I had no idea whether Blair had replied or not. I really wanted to just forget about her already, but it was slow. I probably should have applied for counselling sessions with HR. I hired a lady a few years prior named Dela, and apparently, she was brilliant.
But therapy could wait until after the launch.
I had seen Jujubee at work a few more times, either making eye contact and looking away just as quick or trying to say hello at least. She'd just brush by.
I tried texting her but never received a reply. As much as she had pissed me off, I missed her. A lot.
"Hey, this is Jujubee. Leave a message."
Beep.
"Hey, Juju, it's me." I paused, struggling to figure out where to go from there, "Look, I...I know things are bad between you and me. But I...I don't want to lose you."
I couldn't think of what else to say.
'Please, talk to me?'
'You mean a lot to me.'
My silence was going on too long. "I...hope to see you at the prelaunch party...OK. Bye"
I hung up, burying my face in my pillow, feeling very pathetic. And because I was impatient, I thought to try reinstalling Messenger and try there.
Or was that too much? And did I really want to risk seeing a reply from a certain someone?
...Fuck it, I was doing it. I'd just ignore her. Yeah, I'd do that.
Blair: Wow. I didn't think…
I never clicked a message quicker. I sat up with my back against the headboard, eyes already reading the message.
Blair: Wow. I didn't think you'd actually reply! For sure, girl, we need to hang out! I'm in New York for two weeks anyway. Perfect timing, right? Give me a call as soon as you get this. TTYL.
"Oh my God." I let the phone slip into my lap. How was this real? How the fuck hadn't she found that message creepy? Were things starting to look up? I couldn't just leave her on read. It was sent last week, meaning she was still in New York.
Good. This was good.
But still, why didn't she address the confession to my feelings? Why was she avoiding the subject?
Sorry, you have to hear my innermost thoughts, all these questions. It just goes to show the whirlwind my head was experiencing.
Make a move, Brie.
My thumb hovered over the phone icon in the upper right corner. Do I just...do it?
Yes.
I clicked the button. It rang for a few seconds, the nerves telling me to just give up.
"Hello?"
Why the fuck do the people on the other end always say 'hello' like they didn't see who is calling them?
Why was I even thinking that?? Focus, Brie.
"Hi," I said.
"Wow, I didn't think you'd call." She sounded surprised.
"I'm sorry I keep doing this," I said too quickly. "Anyway, yes. Let's hang out."
There was a moment of silence, and I realised how panicked I sounded.
"Brianna, are you OK?" I heard the concern.
"What? Yeah! Of course, I am." I cleared my throat, "Just a bit...stressed out. Trying to...deal with this launch thingie and...deal with Ed Sheeran, I don't know," I laughed nervously before almost slapping some sense into myself, "I'm not majorly stressed out, though. I can still hang out."
She laughed. And fuck I realised just how much I missed it.
"You always made me laugh. You wanna grab a coffee?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Great! When are you free? I would say today, but I'm stuck with this thingie…" She replied.
And a thought hit me. "Actually... there's gonna be a party for my thing. It's for that project I told you about...back on Prom night, I don't know if you remember."
"Of course I do, Brie. I've been following all the media coverage. It's pretty awesome."
"You have been?" I sounded a little too excited and then reminded myself to not sound too desperate, "I mean, that's pretty cool. But yeah, there's a party the night before the launch. I could add you to the list."
"Yeah, of course! I'd love to come."
"Fantastic. I'll send you the details."
"Well, I'll leave you to it then."
"Thanks."
"I can't wait."
"Me too."
"Bye, Brianna."
"Bye, Blair."
She did the awkward half-spoken "bye, bye, bye," and hung up.
I threw my phone down onto my duvet and puffed out a breath of air.
"Yes!" I punched the air, "Yes. Fucking yes."
Shit was definitely looking up.
I found myself loading up my emails. "Dear Ed Sheeran, I appreciate your enthusiasm about participating in our project. However, after some thinking, we would love for you to perform at the event instead. This is strictly for your safety and the safety of everyone else. Sorry for the inconvenience. Kindest regards, Brianna Caldwell and team."
Sent. Easier than I thought.
No matter what the reply would be, I felt strong. Two problems down in less than ten minutes.
All that was left was Jujubee and Mom.
Fuck...the Mom problem.
It wasn't that I didn't love her. I adored the woman with all my heart. But I was still afraid of that recurring conversation, the memories of how I was a problem child. And if it wasn't that, it was my Grandpa.
Funny how those were always the recurring topics, things I didn't want to address. And now, on top of things, we were going to have to talk about Piggie's health.
I sent her money for his medical bills, so maybe things were different for him.
But still, the other topics of conversation I just wish we could avoid…If only there was something else to talk about...
Wait.
I stared at my phone and instantly became very still.
There was one subject that had gone unaddressed for so long - too long. Oh, God.
Half an hour later, I was in the kitchen, shaky hands pouring a cup of coffee. I couldn't call Mom immediately. I needed to will myself, build up my willpower.
After two cups, I found Mom's name in my phone book, hesitated to hit call but forced myself.
I breathed deeply, taking a seat at the breakfast counter and put the phone to my ear.
Ring...Ring...Ring...Ring…
She answered but was silent.
"Mom?" I spoke.
"Hey, honey." She sounded deflated.
"Did you get the money?" That was all I could think of to start with.
"Yeah. It's actually really helped. He's already showing improvement." She paused. "Thanks, baby."
It was painful how thankful she sounded, yet so miserable.
"Mom, I'm gonna come see you," I confirmed.
"Really?"
"Yeah." I smiled upon hearing how she lightened up. "I'm sorry about last week. My phone just...cut off, I guess."
I heard a sniff before she spoke again, "It's OK. When are you coming around?"
"Well, I got the launch this week, so maybe not now. How about 2 weeks?"
"Yeah, that's perfect. I have a job interview to prepare for anyway. I applied to this new boutique that opened in town. My interview is next week."
"That's great!" I was actually excited for her. Things weren't just looking up for me, it seemed. "I'm really happy for you."
"Yeah, me too. I'm not even nervous. Just ready to start working again. Anyway, how about you?"
"Actually, Mom…" I paused, squeezing my hand into a tight fist.
"What's wrong, Brianna?" She lowered her tone.
How did she know? I didn't even sound sad. Mothers intuition? Because I always thought that was bullshit. Like, if I was a Mom, I'd be the worst in picking up on things.
"You there?" Mom asked.
"Yeah, I just…" I licked my lips and swallowed. "Mom. Why was I adopted?" I sighed. "Why did they give me up, Mom?"
She was silent for a moment. I could practically feel how she turned cold. "It's time, isn't it?"
I nodded, not that she would see, "Yeah. I...I need to know."
"OK...How about we talk about that when you come here?" She asked.
"No. I...wanna know. I need to know." My voice cracked. "Or I won't be able to move on."
She's silent again…just for a moment. And I felt like I crossed a line.
But she spoke. I hadn't crossed any line.
"OK...Brianna? I just want you to know that I love you, and I always will. No matter what, I'll never stop loving you." Her own voice was cracking now. "When you came into my life, I never realised I could be so happy, how I felt when I met you. You were this...little light that brightened the dark...a reminder that life wasn't so bad. And I promised I'd give you the best life. I'd be the best parent you'd ever have." She paused again. And I knew she was crying. "Brie, it wasn't that your parents didn't want you. I'm sure they knew that they would have been the luckiest parents in the world." She was crying. "Brie. They...they went for a drive one night. And it was raining really bad. And they…"
She was silent. But I nodded slowly, my eyes just staring at the counter, glassy with tears. "I-I understand."
"I'm sorry, baby." She whimpered. "I should have told you this years ago. I...I didn't know it would affect you for this long. I'm such an idiot."
I held my forehead in my hand. "No. No, Mom. You're not. You had no idea." I sniffed.
"I know. I know. But I just...I...How do you tell a child something like that?"
"Don't worry about that, you idiot. I know now." One of the tears finally slid down my cheek. "I love you, Mom."
"I love you too, Brianna."
I smiled, wiping the tear away. And then a quiet laugh escaped. "OK, I can't lie. I don't wanna leave you like this right now. Let's talk some shit or something."
She laughed in return. "God, you and your potty mouth."
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colour-outside-the-liness · 3 years ago
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Oh Disneyland Paris sounds fun yeah! Were you and your roommate already close then? I went to Walt Disney's world with my aunt and cousin when I was like 11 but it would've been way more fun if I could've taken my best friend with me for sure. Maybe we can go to the one in Paris now that she lives just 3h away from me! Oh I see, sounds like LA was really fun for you yeah! your roommate didn't mind third wheeling tho? Hahaha
Yeah Canada is beautiful but what I liked about it the most was the massive improvement in quality of life I had compared to where I was living before and just being able to be who I am and people accepting me for it. Not being worried about violence 24/7 felt pretty fucking great too. So yeah I highly recommend living there if you ever get a chance. But I am loving Portugal so far, people are a bit more judgemental here tho but I like that it's easier to travel to a lot of countries I've always wanted to go to. Everywhere you go there are pros and cons tho so sorting out priorities is key. But Toronto is my favourite of all the places I've been, before living there for a year I had already been two times!
Jesus 50 states, sometimes I forget how big the US is. And you can totally do it if you plan it out! After watching Bly Manor tho I really want to go to Vermont especially during autumn season looks really pretty! There's this fic I love (only the sun by prestonarchives) where Dani and Jamie go on a road trip from Vermont to Maine and I did their entire journey on Google maps street view bc I was so obsessed with this one chapter fanfic I had to immerse myself entirety in it hahaha. So now I want to go there irl. Here's the link if you haven't read it before!
https://bit.ly/3BLy4WR
Omg I totally remember reading that on CBML and being a bit confused bc I was like why would she think you can't see the moon from the great wall of China HAHAHA but I thought it was really funny and endearing yeah it's even funnier now that I know you said it irl haha.
Oh so ENFP-T means extraverted, intuitive, feeling and prospecting personality with a bit of turbulence. Which just means you're curious, perceptive, enthusiastic, an excellent communicator, festive and good-natured. On the other hand you can be disorganized, unfucosed, a people pleaser, overcommitted, too optimistic and restless.
I wonder what Jamies and Danis mbti are as well as their zodiac signs 🤔 I think Jamie might be an ISTP-A bc she's definitely an introvert, very practical, stubborn, assertive, layed back and energetic at the same time. And Dani is either an ENFP-T like you or an ESFJ-T with the whole selfless thing going on.
AE already made it canon that Jamie's an aries (and it makes sense) but I can't figure Dani out. I've thought about her being a leo ♌ bc she's generous, passionate, warm-harted and dominant in her own way and THE HAIR haha. But she's got some pisces ♓ vibes going on too...idk. aaand I'm back at it again with the astrology signs haha.
To be fair your recent drunken exp it was dark and at least you didn't think the road sign was a bear or something (don't know what kind of wild animals you've got over there) that you wrestled with and ended up in a ditch and your best friend let you believe that happened for 3 years up until recently haha. 😂 but yeah some things happen for a reason, having life threatening health issues doesn't sound great tho, but I guess it's a good thing it stops you from drinking too much and making dumb decisions. And hey maybe I secretly want that to happen again idk maybe moving countries is not exciting enough, I have to go out and make a complete drunken fool out of myself in a completely foreign place hahaha. I guess that did kinda happen last month when my best friend came to visit me from Spain and we got drunk on wine, I got lost on the way back home and it was way past curfew. 🤔 shit I'm 29 will I ever learn...
Episode 9 is 😢😍🥰😰😭🤬☠️ just the worst roller-coaster I didn't even know I was on. Haha I was more pissed off than heartbroken the first time I watched it ngl.
Well then maybe the way you do accents is friendly and funny so people can't really get mad at you haha. Like Dani! Oh so that's called a Geordie accent! I see, it's really really cool. AE said Jamie is from Lancashire but that's a whole county isn't it? Idk if there's a specific accent to this region. Knowing you speak kinda like Jamie is something else tho, I think if anyone who spoke like her ever talked to me irl I wouldn't be able to pay attention to what they were saying 😂 just the accent haha.
Oh so you already have 4k something words for it nice. I'm kinda starting to feel an obsession with this medieval AU growing in me, I made a Pinterest board just for it ngl hahaha but I'm still resisting creating anything for it, I did a face study yesterday for Dani and Jamie to see if I finally pick up the idea and just do it but my brain was still like "I don't want to do this rn" and was just being a little bitch about it so I'll just let it cook for longer see if we can reach an agreement eventually (if ever) haha.
Glad to hear you had a good weekend! Even if it left you feeling exhausted in the end. And yeah it makes sense for you to say you don't have favourites haha! Have a great week Colour, take care! 👋✨
Yeah me and my roommate have been friends since we were like 14 so when we went to Disney Land we asked if we could be roomed together because we've been best friends for that long now... been best friends since school and now we live together. She's seen me at my best, my worst, has seen me in all my stages in life and has been there for a lot of the rough stuff I've been through and I've been there for all the stuff she's been through!! Nah she didn't mind at all we had some moments where me and my ex would just go and be a couple and have dates but my ex didn't want me travelling that far alone so invited my roommate too because she didn't like the thought of me flying 11hours alone or being in airports alone so my roommate came with me and we had a great time Awwh good I'm glad it was such a nice place and that you didn't worry about violence all the time but I'm so sorry you ever had to worry about that anyway that can't be easy. I would honestly love to live in Canada I really hope I get chance one day... I'm glad you're loving Portugal but sorry people are judgemental there but I am glad it's easy for you to travel around to other places... oh yeah every place has it's pros and cons I mean England has some pros but it sure has a lot of cons too so I know all about that Yeah America is SO big but I do want to get around all 50 states at some point and I am stubborn enough and determined enough to make it happen eventually even if I don't get around them all until I'm like 70 I'll make it happen haha!! No I haven't read that fic but it sounds amazing so I'll definitely check it out thank you for sending me the link Yeah... that really happened to me and it was just a dumb moment where I had this momentary lapse of knowledge in my brain and now I look back at that question and I'm just like... "you idiot" and this is why people are shocked when I get questions in quizzes right because I have said some really dumb stuff but I'm glad people found it funny and endearing... and I'm glad it makes it better to know I really said that haha Oooo I didn't know that, I like that and I think it's definitely fitting for me!! I think from what you've said about what ENFP-T means Dani could easily be that too and I don't know anything about the other one but I will take your word for it matching Dani because you know way more about this stuff than I do. I have no idea for Jamie though. And with zodiac signs I love that Amelia looked at Jamie and thought she was an Aries, as for Dani I have NO idea what her zodiac would be... in CBML she's a Leo but in MoU with what I have planned for her birthday she'd be a virgo but I don't know anything about zodiacs... all I know is all the pieces I've ever met have been the opposite of what Dani is so maybe that has something to do with their whole charts but I know a lot of other people always make her a Pieces and I trust what other people say about zodiacs more than what I know about them because I really know NOTHING about them haha Nah I knew it was a road sign because of how heavy and hard it was- nah we have no bears where I live... I don't think we have many dangerous animals where I live... got a couple of badgers that can be pretty aggressive but that's about it we don't have much that is scary here or at least not in the little part of England I live. Having life threatening health issues has been hard and since having my spleen removed in January (that was the surgery I needed to try and fix the issue I had) things are even harder now because I have to take antibiotics for the rest of my life to stop me getting any infections because if I ever get a chest infection now or a really bad cold it can be really dangerous but I take it all in my stride and not drinking is just a way to make sure the antibiotics actually work properly and to make sure nothing happens to me... and like you said, means I don't do anything dumb too... haha drunken stories are the best I have been lost a few times when I've been drunk... and I don't think you do learn, I have siblings that are
like 40 and still do dumb shit... I know at 27 I am still doing dumb shit too I don't think I'll ever learn haha 😂 Its such an emotional roller coaster and honestly I was just devastated the first time I watched it... no TV show or movie has ever made me cry the way Bly Manor did when I first saw it and it still makes me cry now. I can cry just thinking about that last episode. I definitely mean it in a friendly way so I hope it comes across like that. Yeah the accent in Billy Elliot is a Geordie accent and its my favourite accent there are other accents around the north that are called different things. Yeah Lancashire is a county and again in Lancashire there are loads of different accents I can't really pinpoint Jamie's down to a city I just know it's Northern. I'm from Yorkshire but don't have a strong Yorkshire accent I just have a Northern accent, like people never believe I'm from the place I'm from because I don't sound like I am but you can definitely tell I'm northern... honestly there are so many accents in England... you can drive for two hours in any direction in England and the accent will change like two times at least it's insane... see a lot of people say that but I am not a HUGE fan of the northern accent and I think it's because I grew up there. I much prefer Dani's accent to Jamie's but like I said to me, Jamie just talks normal there is no accent really haha Yeah 4k words for it but it's all jumbled up it's not like a chronological story yet it's just all over the place haha but I hope I can get it all structured properly soon!! Awwh good I'm glad you're already interested in this medieval AU!! That makes sense you're resisting creating for it but I think it's so cool you did a face study for Dani and Jamie even if you didn't wanna finish it I think letting things cook for a while is always a good idea if you're not in the right headspace right away I had such a good weekend but I am so tired and today I had a busy day too celebrating my roommate's boyfriend's birthday so I've had so many days that have been so busy and right now I am just really to sleep haha!! Yeah definitely don't have favourites but I have spent more time with one of my nieces than the others simply because I always look after her if her mum and dad are working and I'm not... like until I start this new job I am looking after her for an hour every day after school while she waits for her mum and dad to finish work but I don't have favourites haha!! Thank you so much I hope you had a great weekend and that you have a great week too!!
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Our Own Kind of Love Letter
Inspired by this tik tok:
Carlos chuckles and waves a little as he returns to his work on the computer. Cecil stands and bids him goodbye before leaving. They had been getting together for the past three months as Cecil teaches Carlos the history of Night Vale. He's come to notice the other man is a lot more soft spoken away from his mic. He seemed almost….shy. 
Carlos looks away from the computer and notices a jacket draped over the chair Cecil had been sitting in. Cecil's jacket. He pushes his chair back and moves around the desk, picking the jacket up. It was softer than he expected. He isn't sure why, but for some reason he brings the coat to his face and buries his nose in it. It smelled of Earl Grey Tea, limestone and something completely and utterly Cecil. Should he return the jacket? Of course. But now? It's late and Cecil is most likely about half way home by now. It would be rude to call him back. That leaves tomorrow. He'd drop it off in the morning, he decided. Part of Carlos wanted to wrap up in the jacket, to smell Cecil all around him. Then he pauses. Okay now you're just being weird. 
Carlos quickly puts the jacket down, hearing something solid hit the ground. 
"What…?" He crouches and picks it up. It's a tape recorder. Safe to assume it fell out of the jacket's pocket. "Oh god. Please don't be broken." Cecil is going to be pissed….
It didn't look broken…. Carlos holds his breath and hits play, hoping it worked fine. 
"I...i talked to Carlos today. For the first time. Actually he did most of the talking but I didn't mind. It was rather adorable…..is it okay to say that about someone you just met?"
The speaking stops and Carlos assumed the recording was over before there was a soft inhale. 
"I'm extremely lucky he's even willing to talk to me at all." It sounded like Cecil was fighting to keep his voice from breaking and it made Carlos's heart hurt. "I was an idiot on the show last week. I don't know what came over me. I try to control myself but on air…..it's as if I lose any filter. If I keep this up he's going to-" Cecil's voice does break that time. "He's going to end up hating me because of inappropriate commentary. I don't want that. I want at least a-a friend."
There was a click to signal the end of the recording before another click as a new recording began. 
"Carlos is actually still willing to be around me. It's a miracle. Also. He's a really good friend. His jokes tend to go over my head a lot but he seems entertained so I don't mind. I was surprised when he asked to learn about Night Vale. No one really talks about the past anymore. But a new perspective is nice. He seems happy to learn. Of course he is. He's a scientist. He told me 'A scientist is always learning Cecil. With everything they do.' Well….whatever makes him happy. He looks best with a smile…" 
The recorder clicks again and Carlos turns it off before another recording can start. The second recording was much happier than the first. He assumed there were more recordings but it's wrong to snoop. This did give him a lot to think about though. He gathers the jacket and the recorder and carries it to his apartment above the lab. 
-----.-----
Cecil got about halfway home before realizing he didn't have his jacket. He sighs and pulls into the Ralph's before turning around and heading back to the lab. It didn't even cross his mind that Carlos may be asleep until he pulls into the parking lot of the lab. He gets out of the car and tries the door, finding it unlocked. Maybe he was still up. He noticed the office door is slightly ajar and makes his way over. He can see Carlos inside. His heart melted a little when he sees Carlos's face buried in his jacket. Did he smell good? He watches Carlos put the jacket down and winces when something solid hits the ground. He watches as Carlos picks up the recorder he keeps in his pocket at all times to record his thoughts. He holds his breath. Please don't listen please don't listen please-
"Oh god. Please don't be broken." 
Carlos speaking brings Cecil out of his thoughts. He covers his mouth to silence a giggle. If a simple drop broke the recorder it would have been out of commission ages ago. 
"I….i talked to Carlos today."
Cecil freezes. Oh gods. He's listening to it. At this point, fight or flight kicked in. Cecil chooses flight and hurries back to his car. Once inside the car, he grips the steering wheel as he feels pressure builds up in his chest. How could he be so stupid as to leave that behind? He probably ruined the growing friendship between Carlos and himself. He would have to face Carlos to get his stuff back. Maybe the void will swallow him on his way home.
-----.-----
Carlos takes a deep breath and knocks softly on the door of Cecil's booth, jacket in hand. He hears a soft shuffling before Cecil opens the door. 
"Carlos." He says softly. Why does he look terrified?
"Hey." Carlos clears his throat. "Right. Um....this is yours." He offers the jacket. 
"Thank you." He takes the jacket with slightly shaking hands. He bites his bottom lip for a moment. "Dropping the tape recorder is probably the least dangerous thing to happen to it." Cecil blurts. 
Carlos is stunned for a moment. "You were there?"
"Well….only for a moment." Cecil keeps his eyes down. 
Carlos instantly felt guilty. "I-Im sorry. I shouldn't have-i know its personal. I just wanted to make sure I hadn't broke it."
"Carlos…"
Carlos looks at his watch and swears softly. "I have to go." He leans forward and kisses Cecil's cheek without thinking about it. "I think you should listen to the last recording. And then call me. Alright?"
"Okay…" Cecil says softly, touching his cheek as Carlos hurries away. He shuts the booth of the door and digs out the recorder. He looks it over. It had a new scratch but that was nothing new. He sits down and takes a deep breath before pressing play. 
"Cecil...i don't know when you'll be listening to this but i want you to know I could never hate you. Its true when I first heard you on the radio I was a bit overwhelmed but then i got to know you. The real you. I was amazed at what I found. The person that you are….and so I'm asking you, Cecil, if we can explore something more. Something….personal. I want to learn. To learn about you. About us. Oh, and P.S. you could always just ask me to explain my jokes. I will. I promise. One more thing. I've always found you adorable."
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harryfreakinstyles2 · 5 years ago
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Torn (Part 1) H.S.
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The sunlight is streaming through the curtains and gleaming off the vinyl flooring of my apartment while I try to force myself to roll out of bed. My alarm is screaming at me for the tenth time this morning. My eyes strain against the intrusion of light as I reach for my phone on the nightstand to stop the ringing in my ears from that damn alarm. I glance at the text on my screen from my best friend that I must have received after passing out around one am last night while trying to finish my essay.
Julie is almost the complete opposite of me in every way. She's unorganized and scatter brained and way more adventurous than I will ever be. But she also makes our little two-bedroom apartment feel like home even with the dirty dishes she leaves in the sink and as crazy as she drives me, I would honestly be lost without her.
Me: You know I had that essay to finish! But it sounds like you had fun like usual! I might have to join you next time! We'll see! Lol
I text back and head to the bathroom to hop in the shower before class. I turn the water on and wait impatiently for it to heat up, my tiny bathroom becomes filled with steam as the hot water helps wake me from my zombie state and relaxes my muscles. I'm dreading class this morning. My stupid elective class I took because I figured it would be an easy A to fill in the extra credits I need to graduate in May, but I am starting to realize that the easy A might not be worth the painful boredom of sitting in that stupid class twice a week. I hurry along getting ready as the morning is rushing by faster than I realized and soon I'm running out the door praying I have time to get coffee on the way.
*
I stick my key in the lock of my apartment door still sipping on my iced coffee. I feel mentally drained after having to put so much energy into staying awake in class, luckily it's the only class I have on Thursdays. I can smell the scrambled eggs as soon as I walk into the apartment. Julies favorite hangover food, I will never understand how that girl can go out so much during the week and still go to work and finish all her school.
I walk into the kitchen and I laugh to myself while taking in Julies disheveled appearance, the aftermath of her late night out.
"Shut up", She groans glaring at me from her spot in front of the stove.
"I'm sorry, but you look pathetic" I laugh again not being able to hold in my amusement.
"Don't be a bitch, you're just jealous that I had a blast last night while all you did was write a paper all damn night." Julie snaps at me but I can see the hint of a smile on her face.
"Alight alright" I say with my hands up in surrender not wanting to actually piss her off. I pull a barstool out from under the counter and take a seat across from her.
"I was serious when I said you are coming out with us this weekend" she huffs, "We are going to this cool hipster club that just opened down the road. It is going to be a lot of fun. And I'm not giving you a choice, so tomorrow night, we'll head out around ten." Her words rush out fast. I am assuming it's so I won't have the chance to interrupt her and make an excuse of why I will not be doing anything of the sort. I roll my eyes when she turns back around to flip her eggs.
"I really don't want to... It's been a long week between work and school and all I want to do is sit on the couch and watch a movie." I groan at my relentless best friend. This is her third attempt in the past two weeks to try and get me to go out.
"Allie, you're 21, not 81. Would you please stop being so lame and just come out with us!" She pleads with me, "It'll be fun I swear!"
"Ughhhhh fine but if I hate it and get bored then I'm coming back home!" I say giving in but still hating the idea.
"Fine fine! Ahhhh yay!! It's going to be great!" Julie excitedly jumps up and down like she is twelve and are moms said yes to a sleep over on a school night. Finally she stops, leaving her dark brown hair messier than it was before, if that is even possible. I try my best not to laugh at her again.
"Alright I'm going to go to my room for a bit before I have to go to work at 6. Do you work tonight?" I ask. Her work schedule is constantly changing every week I can never keep up.
"Yea unfortunately, I wanna call out but I can't because I have tomorrow night off to go out and I actually need to make some money for a change." She says with a groan.
"Okay then I'll see you tomorrow! Be sure to put on your best fake smile and maybe brush your hair or something or you won't be getting very many tips tonight" I tease her as I walk to my room. I turn around just in time to see her middle finger raised in the air at me with a smile on her face.
*
My evening shift at the local coffee shop blurs by as the hipster kids and sorority girls shuffle in and out throughout the evening. I found I was convincing myself that going out tomorrow night is exactly what I need to get out of this comfortable rut I have found myself in the past few months. With graduation about three months away I should probably have some actual fun before my college days come to an end even though night clubs are not exactly my idea of fun.
*
I wake to a loud pounding on my bedroom door. "Allie!!! Get up! We have to pick out an outfit for you for tonight! I have to leave for work soon! Get up! We won't have time later!" Julie continues banging on my door.
"Ugh, Jules! Give me like 10 minutes!" I groan back at my annoying best friend. She insisted last night that she had to pick out an outfit for me because I don't know what a proper "club outfit" is.
Ten minutes later I've brushed my teeth and changed into some shorts and a t-shirt. I open my bedroom door to find Julie sitting impatiently at the counter with a cup of coffee.
"Okay, come on in and let's get this over with." I say to her rolling my eyes. This is not what I want to be doing at nine am.
"Oh stop being so dramatic." Julie mumbles at me as she walks past me and into my room.
I follow behind her and sit on my bed as she starts to dig through my closet for her version of an acceptable outfit for this evening.
"Okay, so we want something sexy but also comfortable. Maybe some skinny jeans and a cute tank top. Or even a jean skirt," she says excitedly.
"Sexy. Really. You know I can't pull off sexy." I mumble at her. Does she honestly think I can be sexy. She has definitely lost it. In the thirteen years she has known me I have never been sexy. I don't even own anything that could be considered sexy.
"Yes, sexy. You have the curves all you're missing is the attitude Al."
I don't have the first clue on how to come off as sexy, but I have a feeling Julie is going to teach me. This was such a bad idea. I can already tell that tonight is going to be a disaster.
Twenty minutes later I'm standing in front of my closet staring at myself in the floor length mirror in one of Julies jean skirts that rests nicely on my hips and stops a few inches above my knees and only makes me slightly uncomfortable. She has paired her jean skirt with one of my low-cut white tank tops and a pair of short strappy black heels. Lucky for me it has been a warm winter and it only gets into the mid-sixties right now at night here in Georgia. Especially considering Julie told me I am not allowed to wear the gray cardigan I tried to put over the tank top.
"So? What do you think?" Julie asks me while I stare at myself in the mirror. She's beaming, obviously proud of her work.
"Umm I like the outfit, but I'm not sure," I mumble.
She rolls her dark brown eyes at me, "Allie, you look hot trust me. You just have to own it. That is the key to being sexy, it is all about the confidence."
"Alright," I try to say with a sense of confidence, but my voice betrays me and I sound even more unsure than before.
"Shit, I have to go I am going to be late for work" Julie says as she rushes out of my room. "You look amazing! I will be back in time for us to do our hair and makeup before we leave! See you later girlie!" She yells to me before she slams the front door closed behind her.
I let out a breath I didn't notice I was holding as I look at myself once more in the mirror. My chest fills the tank top nicely threatening to overflow because of the pushup bra Julie forced me to wear even though she knows I hate wearing it because it makes my boobs look even bigger than they already are. She doesn't understand that problem seeing as she barely has any boobs. The tight tank top paired with the fitted jean skirt shows off my tiny waist and curvy hips. The jean skirt goes down just far enough to cover my full upper thighs. Overall I don't hate the outfit as much as I expected to, if I wear my long blonde hair down and maybe curl it a little I think I might be able to pull it off.
I groan staring at myself in the mirror one last time before collapsing onto my bed. I have no idea what to expect tonight I haven't been out since my freshman year. Even though Julie will be there I can already see myself sitting in the corner the whole night. I hope the night won't be a complete disaster. At least all our friends will be there and I can catch up with Emily. I push away the anxiety as I hang my outfit for tonight back up and head to take a shower.
I'm sitting on the couch buckling the straps of my black heels as Julie walks out of her room looking like a Victoria Secret model in her tight dress that leaves little to the imagination. She spent an hour doing my hair and make up after she got home from work and I spent most of that hour telling her to tone it down. It has always been that way with us. She is the one who wears full make up and heels almost everyday and I am the one who forces myself to put on eyeshadow every now and again and wears converse as much as possible. But somehow we always seem to balance each other out, she helps me step out of my comfort zone and I keep her from being arrested.
"See this is why I don't go out with you!" I grumble at her.
"What are you talking about? I didn't even do anything!" Julie says defensively while grabbing her matching clutch off the kitchen counter.
“You didn't have to, you just come out looking like that and when I stand next to you I look like a freakin sack of potatoes!"
"Are you kidding me!?! Look at you! I wish I had those curves! We both look great and we are ending the conversation there." Julie says annoyed at my comment.
"Whatever." I mumble back.
"You are not going to start this night pouting, so get over yourself and let's go the Uber is ready downstairs!" she says sternly. Julie is the kind of person who has no problem telling you how it is, she has been that way ever since we were kids.
The Uber ride to the club lasted barely five minutes leaving just enough time for my stomach to get queasy with nerves. The car comes to a stop in front of a building littered with people stumbling in and out of the doors. Julie says a rushed 'thank you!' to the Uber driver as she pulls me out of the car behind her.
"Come on! Everyone else is already inside!" she says as she pulls me along after her and into the crowded building. I glance at my phone it is now ten o'clock, I will stay till at least midnight and then leave I decide.
The room is so dark it is hard to see the faces of the strangers as we shove our way through the crowd to find our group of friends waiting for us. There is a slight stench of smoke in the air and my heels stick to the floor just enough for me to notice. I hate this already. Julie is aggressively pushing her way through the overly friendly crowd of strangers. I decide that my best bet is to stare at the back of her head and follow closely behind her so I don't get lost. Suddenly Julie does a high pitch squeal letting me know she has found our friends. Our usual group of friends are standing around a high top table toward the back corner of the club. There's Maya, who Julie and I met in freshman English. Julie gets along with her better than I do because they have similar personalities and Maya will go out with her any day of the week where I will not. Then there is Dylan the common frat boy with the perfect hair and teeth, wearing his usual khaki pants and button up shirt. Maya and Dylan have been dating for a little over a year now. Next to the already drunk Dylan is his best friend Sam. Sam is in the same frat as Dylan and despite being best friends, Sam is sweet, polite, and funny unlike Dylan who is usually obnoxious. Sam is much more attractive than Dylan with his light brown hair cut short and his muscular arms looking perfectly tanned in his white button up. On the other side of the table there is Tabitha and Emily. Tabitha and Maya have known each other since middle school so they are really close similar to Julie and I. Wherever Maya is, Tabitha is usually close by. I get along best with Emily out of the three girls. She is quieter than the others and although she has no problem going out and having a good time she has a lot of other priorities she is focused on as school is coming to an end. We tend to sit and talk whenever we are all hang out while everyone else is drinking and goofing off.
"No way! Allie you actually came!?!" Maya says too dramatically bringing the attention of the whole group to me. "I mean Julie said you were coming but I thought she was just joking!" Maya continues with an annoying giggle and I force myself not to roll my eyes at her.
"Good to see you too Maya. Can someone point me in the direction of the bar please." I say to hopefully change the topic. I am going to definitely need a drink to get me through this night.
"I was just about to go get myself a drink if you wanna come with me?" Sam offers with a smirk making me blush like always.
"That would be great! Thanks," I say with a smile.
Sam is quiet most of the time but he is charming. And he is one of those guys who is absolutely gorgeous and has no idea.
Julie rushes over to the girls and the giggling starts instantly as Sam and I walk away from the group.
We make it to the bar with Sam only having to guide me past one group of drunk guys. Even with heels on I am still quite short making navigating the crowded club difficult as I can't see where I'm going. I order my usual crown apple and sprite, and try to refuse when Sam wants to pay for my drink but ultimately he wins as he hands the bartender cash and walks away with me following behind.
"So are you as ready for graduation as I am?" Sam awkwardly starts conversation over the loud club music as we make our way back to our group of friends. This was the usual with Sam. For a guy who is this attractive and has girls falling all over him, he always comes off awkward when we try and talk.
"Yeah I'm so excited, but also incredibly nervous. There is too many decisions still left to make," I awkwardly laugh.
"I get that. You would think that since we are finally finishing we would be less stressed out not more," Sam says with laugh.
I turn to respond catching his blue eyes, leaving me speechless. I am saved as we arrive at the table and Sam is greeted by Tabitha begging him to dance with her. She clearly already had a few drinks and Sam is too sweet to say no.
The night feels like it is dragging on forever. I'm not having a bad time but there is definitely other things I would rather be doing and on top of that Julie seems to be in a crap mood for some unknown reason so she is not making the night any better for me. It has been about an hour and a half and I've had three drinks making me just tipsy enough that my nerves have vanished.
"Jules I really have to pee!" I whine at her again.
"Okay okay, just give me a minute," She says staring at her phone.
"I've been waiting like ten. Just point me in the direction of the bathroom. I will just go by myself," I say back irritated as I sway back and forth to help with my urgent need to pee.
"Okay fine, go towards the bar and to the left," She instructs me without look away from her phone. I am trying not to get annoyed at her but she begged me to come out and has barely said two words to me since we got here.
"Thank you!" I say dragging the words out dramatically.
I make it to the bathroom without any issues to my surprise considering the three drinks I have had and the crowd seeming to have grown in the last hour. Luckily there is only one girl in line and I don't have to wait long. I wash my hands and check my make up in the mirror surprised it still looks almost perfect. I walk out of the bathroom and reach down pulling the hem of my skirt further down my legs as I walk.
"Ugh fuck!" I mumble as I collide with something solid and liquid pours down my skirt and legs.
"Oh shit! Sorry!" I hear a thick English accent respond.
I look up to find bright green eyes staring directly into mine. They are slightly covered by a mop of beautiful dark brown curls. His eyes stay locked on mine so intently that I have to look away so he can't see me blush under his gaze.
"It's fine. It was my fault I wasn't paying attention." I say faster than I intended as I wipe at my skirt.
"Wait a minute, let me uhh...." the handsome stranger starts to say as he looks around and then disappears and reappears with a rag from the bar.
"Here, I'm really sorry," He says again holding his hand out to me with the rag in it.
I take a second to glance at the tattoos covering most of his left arm. Quickly dragging my attention back to the liquid running down my legs I grab the rag hoping he didn't notice my staring. I wipe at the remainder of whatever he had in his cup off my legs and look up to find him staring again.
"Thanks," I mumble quietly despite the loud music as I hand him back the rag. My cheeks feel like they are burning, partially from the alcohol in my system and partially from his staring.
“The least I could do. I'm Harry," He says with a smile revealing large dimples in his cheeks while holding out his empty right hand for me to shake. I stare at his outstretched hand for a minute before grabbing it.
"Allie, nice to meet you. Sort of," I say returning his smile and taking his hand in mine. His large hand makes mine feel even smaller.
"Allie." he repeats with a smirk. His accent making it sound beautiful while his eyes continue to stare into mine making my stomach flutter. I am so happy I downed that third drink or his stare alone would have made me a mumbling mess by now.
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hoopdiddies · 5 years ago
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I'm Not Over You// Ben Hardy x Reader (10.1)
A/N: The last part! Here you go! Thanks for supporting the entire series, guys. Means a lot ♥ ♥
Summary: A wedding brought you apart and it will be a wedding that will bring you back together
Warnings: Microscopic angst and FULL ON FLUFF
WC: 3k
Tags: @haendel-me-with-care
@mrsdoradominguez-barnes
@mickmoon
@lakef
@mrsmazzello
@valeriecarolinaw
@queen-turtle-boiii
@loveandbeloved29
@hazme2
@boherahpsody
Parts: 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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"What- I thought Gwil- never mind, did I hurt your shoulder?" You stumble over your words and he chuckles, the curve his red lips are sporting making your insides melt.
"No, you didn't."
"Oh thank heavens. Sure I didn't add to your injuries? " You had to say it but luckily, he shakes his head good-naturedly and seems to have shrugged off the issue. "I'm okay now. I've been for so long actually." At least you've got the conversation going, against the odds of you doubting that it might've ended up awkward with how long you haven't been in touch. You smile crookedly and rub your arm, sighing profoundly to say another word but as you open your mouth to do so, Ben beats you to it. "What about you? How've you been?"
You shrug. "Same old but tortured...and pissed...at Joe...for doing me injustice like that." He rubs the back of his hair and cocks his head to one side. "Oh? Tell me about it."
You give him a brief, speculative look– thinking that it's a miracle you're talking normally like you haven't kissed each other the day you left him lamenting on a hospital bed, been in contact for an entire year and made love with your eyes during the ceremony– in that order.
You snap out of it and look around the busy reception. "I- well-"
"To make it easier, let's head out for a walk on the beach, shall we?" Ben steps aside to let you leave before him and you tuck a tendril of your hair behind your ear, nodding as you walk ahead. He follows you out and you glance over your shoulder, looking past him and seeing Joe wiggle his brows at you from their table– to which you widen your eyes in annoyance and a little gratitude.
Your walk has been graced with the twinkle of a thousand stars and the calm splash of the evening waves against the shore. You've let your hair down from the tight bun you've put it in and taken off your sandals to traipse along the water while Ben remains along the dry sand to stay practical– not that you aren't. He just has his shoes on while you're holding onto yours.
You haven't strolled far from the party with the lamps spanning from the vicinity within the reception still present as you tread along. You've told him all about Barcelona and your studies and everything else concerning your life there; so far it's been good and jolly. He's taken a new project and is in the process of filming, something you've congratulated him on as well– the previous one being his full recovery and you didn't bother to bring up the prior events to that, it might just lead to something you'd lose your voice to talk about. It's a relief that you are able to share a few laughs in between, something you thought wouldn't be possible anymore. You haven't talked to each other like this is ages.
"I guess we're both working our fingers to the bone." He chuckles and stops in his tracks to enjoy the breeze. You involuntarily mimic his stance and stand semi-still on the water, tossing your sandals onto the driest part of the sand.  "I guess. Business before pleasure they say."
"Well my business is my pleasure so it seems like it only applies to you." The smile on his face widens thoroughly and you scoff underneath your breath, swinging your leg back and forth, creating mini splashes. "Excuse me, it applies to neither of us. I love working for something I know will finally lead to my dream."
He hums and bends down to pick up a pebble, casting it smoothly against the water and makes three skips. "It just occurred to me that you never once told me anything about your dream to become a doctor or anything." You give him a fleeting smile and shake your head, crossing your arms as you begin admiring the sky. "If I had told anyone, it wouldn't come true."
"Seriously?"
You raise your hands up briefly in defense and let out a chuckle, bending down to pick up a pebble to skip as well. "I'm living proof that it's effective, you should try it sometime." While you cast your pebble and watch it skip, he studies you intently and with great focus, drawing in a sharp breath before taking off his shoes to join your spot in the shallow water. He sets it aside and stands next to you, lifting his gaze up to the sky and then to you as you take in the cluster of stars dotting the heavens.
The gleam in your eyes as you beam at the starry view puts him under a spell and you sense his piercing stare, encouraging you to catch his fixed look. "What is it this time?"
He gulps, his mouth going dry. "I've sent you a message a couple of weeks back. Never got a response from you..."
You angle your head to one side amusingly. "I replied? Maybe you just don't check your inbox that much- and wait, I changed my number, how did you-"
"Our boy, Joe."
Of course. Joe really needs a new girl in his life, he must be exhausted from being such a mediator.
"And yes, I don't check my inbox a lot. Busy as a bee lately." He adds with a defeated smile present. You weave your fingers together, keeping your vision limited to the horizon yet sensing his eyes penetrate through you.
A little shy to let him see your blush creeping up your cheeks, you tear yourself away from his gaze and sigh inwardly. "I know that look somehow."
"For the third time asked in this lifetime, would you care to finish the dance we had at the after party? A dance to satisfy all the dances we never had the chance to finish. "
Your mouth shamelessly hangs like an attic door with loose hinges at how he was able to remember that. You recall his attending physician say that there would be no risks of amnesia or any sort of memory loss, although he shouldn't be able to recall minor details.
But then your dance wasn't a minor memory.
Ben's still waiting for your answer and you recompose yourself from the jaw drop, stuttering in the slightest as you speak up.  "Uh y-yeah. I mean, we never get to finish dances, am I right?"
Without tethering himself from taking your hand in his, he draws you close to him, the movement of your legs making small ripples and swishes in the water. You can't keep a firm eye on him and as he understands your uncertainty due to how long it's been since the pair of you have closed a distance, he manually positions your arms around his neck, putting a little forethought into snaking his hands around your waist to ease you into it again.
"Hey, like old times, right?" He cajoles softly and you look up at him.
"Like old times." You repeat after him and find it easy to stare into his eyes again, once more submitting yourself to the metronomic beat of your heart. He initiates with light sway, feeling the crashing waves beneath your feets put an effect to how you're moving. With you studying every detail of his face adoringly, you notice the small yet noticeable scar on the near left of his forehead; a small residue of his injury. You frown as you reach up to trace your finger smoothly across his scar, your heart breaking at the memory of that night.
Ben takes notice of your flitting expression and cups your cheek to alleviate the worry you've put yourself in at the sight of his scar. "Hey, hey. Don't worry about it, I'm okay now."
You hang your head apologetically, chewing on your bottom lip with the urge to bring up what you wanted to suppress out of guilt.
"I'm sorry if I left you like that. At the time you really needed me the most, I scrammed and ghosted you for an entire year. I broke my promise, your arm and a small fraction of your skull," as inappropriate as it is to laugh a little at it, you let it slip past your lips anyway to give it a stretch and lighten the weight on your shoulders, "and it's all thanks to Joe for making up that worst case scenario."
Joe did say you'd hurt him on every possible level– ranging from physical to spiritual. Though you didn't afflict him physically per se, your carelessness on the highway did. "I'm so sorry, Ben, for letting my emotions get in the way of what we had. Our friendship. You loved someone else then and being in a way cursed with unrequited feelings, I-I had to distance myself."
He assures you with a loose smile, twirling you under his arm and leisurely pulling you back to his body. "Every bit of it is alright. I had sworn on the day we met that I'd protect you with every fiber of my being and I should be the one that's sorry. All you ever did was love me," he stares down at you intimately, lifting your hand to his lips and kissing your knuckles, "though how clueless and unbearable I was," a kiss to your wrist, "through all my complaints and nasty fits," a kiss to your cheek, the sensation making you giggle slightly, "through my clumsy tendencies, " a kiss to your nose, "through all my mood swings after a bad day on set," an elongated kiss on your forehead, parting away deliberately before flicking his eyes to your lips and back to your Y/E/C orbs. He gulps audibly at how he's asking you for permission to do it. "When I couldn't return that love to you because I was blind enough to let Rosy stay. For loving me...in both my lowest and highest."
He's risking a few inches in but you can tell he's holding back. You slacken your arms from his neck, little by little dropping them to your sides as his green eyes finally overwhelm you.
The corner of his eyes crinkle as he smiles, breathing out the words you've long waited for. "You've held my heart in your hands even when you were miles away and though you won't be staying for long, I'll always be waiting." In the same way you had when you left, you tip your head back to let his lips meet yours only this time it doesn't take him by surprise. Your lips don't move against each other for a few seconds and you pull away, breathless.
His green eyes are wide yet flecked with awe, unruly brows lightly creased together with small strands of his combed back, blond hair falling into them but they soften as the smile on his face widens. "You're not with Joe, are you?"
You chuckle, shaking your head and heaving out a defining exhale. "I never was. You're not with Rosy anymore, are you?"
He shakes his head as well and it appears the blissful grin on his face won't be coming off anytime soon.
"Long done. I love you, and you alone."
You'll be blaming him later for the ear-splitting grin now etched on your face.
"I love you too, Benjamin."
He throws his head back in relief and lifts you up in his arms, tilting his head back as he savors the full feeling of your lips on his, the kiss gradually becoming open-mouthed.
As if on cue, the fireworks meant for Rami and Lucy come launching up into the sky and bursting into bright colors, the sparks raining down and vanishing into thin air shortly after. Cheers of the people emanate from the party as Lucy and Rami share the same kiss from outside at the same time you and Ben are. You pull away with unridable grins on your faces and share the magical sight of the fireworks lighting up the night sky with no other disturbances to ruin the moment.
"You think they'd start wondering where we are?" You hum with your head rested against his chest. He kisses your hair and smiles as he tightens his hold around you, revelling deep in the moment.
"They'd get the idea, babe. They'd get the idea."
Lucy was right, Ben has always been your soulmate; the three dances you've had in your lifetime somehow always brought you back to each other. Hopefully the one you just had will be the one that will never tear you both apart ever again.
You've yet to thank Joe for tricking you into thinking that it was Gwilym he wanted to spin you off to.
How magical is that tape you used to stick the polaroids together?
It somehow pieced you and Ben in the same manner and stood the test of time.
-Fin-
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