#i'm going through a weird time. i'm unemployed basically

[googledocsdyke]

the THING is that when aziraphale says “i forgive you” he means “having been utterly re-brainwashed by the supreme and intoxicating force of Approval from a Higher Heavenly Authority to validate my prior life as Good and Righteous and True, i, wracked with newly-reborn self-loathing about ever having turned my back on heaven, forgive you, whom i love and must therefore surely be good and worthy of forgiveness, for rebuking the chance to ascend righteously into heaven with me” and when crowley hears “i forgive you” he hears “crowley i forgive you for the crime and moral lapse of desiring me, of wanting, of kissing me, of giving me love that i cannot possibly respond to nor reciprocate, of being who you are which is someone who is not only a demon but, much worse, wants me.” If you even care. (And for the record you shouldn’t)

[arammies]

pac: your qualities that surprise people

ू take a breath and focus on the question. then pick a pile that stands out the most to you. you may pick more than one pile. if nothing catches your attention, then there is simply no message for you here at the current moment.

ू many many thanks to my guides and your guides for helping with these messages :)

ू ~0.4k words each pile. there are three parts of this reading; in general, strangers/acquaintances, and your close ones.

ू deck used; the weird cat tarot

from left to right, top to bottom; pile 1, pile 2, pile 3, pile 4

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pile 1

— general —

[ eight of cups ]

okay the keyword here is content. whenever you think something doesn't serve you, while you take time to be frustrated about it, it doesn't take long for you to walk away even without knowing what the future holds. you have a very strong will and respect your worth so much so when you know you need to move on, you'll immediately move on. you struggle to let go but once you decide enough is enough, you do let go. i feel compelled to tell you that it doesn't matter if it's small steps or big steps, the thing here is you do indeed make the first steps so kudos to you for letting go things that don't add up to your life :)

— strangers / acquaintances —

[ three of swords, seven of cups ]

woah. you're so strong. you've been through literal hell and you still hold those dear to you close. not to say you're not phased by the challenges of your life, but you understand that the law of nature is that everything will pass so you give grace to yourself and the people around you very much. you gain more knowledge on what to hold onto and what to let go as these challenges come. you're also very adaptable in every aspects. you don't like to be fixed in a box. for example, you don't have a specific aesthetic that you relate to, and you simply like everything from here and there. so like when people talk to you, they're like "wait, how do they have so many different interests??" . i don't know why but they're really like giving me "gasp, shocked, ???" energy lmaoo you keep doing you pile 1!! be awesome!!

— close ones —

[ the chariot, two of pentacles ]

oh my god pile 1, so like your qualities that surprise them is also funnily the explanation for the strangers / acquintance part. that you're a very, very balanced person. when you think and make choices, you're aware of both the materialistic and the spiritual world, both the feelings and the consequences. often, you try not to view things just from one perspective which is also why your close ones think you make one of the best judgement. i feel like they go to you for advices a lot and not like just minor ones either, the very very big ones that can make or break their world, because again, you help them see in a wider perspective. this quality of yours is also what makes it possible for you to have multiple different things or interests going on for you, because you know which to prioritize. and you might even enjoy having different source of knowledge and stuffs going on for you because even though sometimes it might be a hassle to keep up, you're just really content with what you have.

thank you for reading pile 1, have a great day !!

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pile 2

— general —

[ the moon ]

people are so scared and confused by how you live your life. they don't think they'll ever get how you manage to embrace your situation with open arms, how you can move forward in life living like "that", their words not mine. i'm feeling that the majority of you might have been or still is, unemployed, homeless or freelancing etc. they can't grasp how you can live so calmly despite your life being so stagnant. but at the same time, they're also very inspired by it ?? in a way, they're basically saying "i don't know how you can live like that but i respect you for it". your energy is also very refreshing and i've never felt this relaxed so i assume people feel that way about you. when they spend time with you, you remind people to breathe.

— strangers / acquaintances —

[ ace of pentacles, three of cups ]

people who don't know you well are always suprised with how abundant you are, or that you make your life seems so. as in you're someone who goes along with the flow of life, and goes through it rather peacefully with whatever that is going on. they also notice how you accept both the good parts and bad parts of both yourself and life, rather you cherish it. you might be someone who doesn't understand good and bad in societal terms like people having icks or people calling someone a good person or a bad person, to you no one is purely good or bad. everyone is simply human. so the way you see things makes your judgement very clear; you acknowledge both sides but i get the feeling you don't like the term of pros and cons or good and bad in general because you think everything is just simply be.

— close ones —

[ the high priestess, queen of swords ]

again, you're just so good at simply being there. you don't feel the need to rush into anything if there's no urgency to, you don't mind doing nothing. which surprise your close ones, because people often are scared at not doing anything. but you're simply very accepting of the things going on in your life, you acknowledge that you'll have different phases in life and this is just one of it. you might even come off as very unbothered but i get that this trait of yours doesn't come naturally, you went through some hardships which opened your eyes to shift to this new way of seeing things. you're open to various opinions and are very patient and understanding with your life. because of this, some of your close ones might even look up to you.

thank you for reading pile 2 , have a great day !

· · ─────── ˗ ˏˋ ❀ ´ˎ ˗ ─────── · ·

pile 3

— general —

[ knight of cups ]

they're amazed that you're such a go-getter!! you just keep on having things after things. and it also surprises them because you're still so excited for your journey despite them seeing you already tried many things, you just want to keep trying and trying. they're also amused because amidst all this busy schedule, people can see that you would always make time for your loved ones, whether when close or far. they see that you bring a part of your close ones around in things you do and places you go.

— strangers / acquaintances —

[ ten of cups, the devil ]

ooh they see you as someone completely happy with what you have. perhaps you achieved most of your goals in life or are about to. but you're completely in love with almost every aspects in life especially your connections and relationships with other people. which is also why they're so weirded out by how you still have things to look forward to do in the future. to them, it's like you've achieved happiness, why are you chasing for more? why are you planning more and more moves? aren't you happy enough? which to that i say fuck them lmao cause you clearly know what you're doing.

— close ones —

[ knight of wands, wheel of fortune ]

yippeee!! shut them haters mouth zip zip!! your close ones clearly see that you're not as greedy as people make you out to be. it's true you're working on more goals, but they're aware that these steps you're taking are only to deepen the connections and relationships that you have aww. for example, you want to get more money so you can buy your close ones stuffs they can't afford or to donate to those that clearly need more help than you. and you know that since you're able to do so, you will do it. and you clearly enjoy doing this, your closed ones can see that. again, you've achieved most of your big dreams and if you're still in the process, this wheel of fortune card is just another confirmation that your dreams will be aligned way sooner than you'd initially thought. also i'm getting that you're not just abundant in physical world, but also the spiritual world. you might be one of those people whose gut hunches are always right and it spook your close ones a lot haha. you could also have precognitive dreams :0

thank you for reading pile 3 , have a great day !!

· · ─────── ˗ ˏˋ ❀ ´ˎ ˗ ─────── · ·

pile 4

— general —

[ page of cups, ten of pentacles ]

you're very playful. it seems like you've newly developed this trait? or strengthen it more? like you just gotten out of a period of self journey of accepting yourself and your wounds. now, the people see that whatever danger throws at you, you just kind of blurt your tongue at it? lmaooo and for people that are more acquainted with you, they notice you're facing your past wounds with such a cheeky energy. it reminds me of lightly joking about your traumas because you've processed and accepted them, and not in a joking as coping to distract you from the depths of your wounds way. you're also very very stable, or long term stability is about to come your way. now you just sit in your glory and you watch as things unfold, you're confident in your capabilities. everything in your life is aligning to a space of more security and comfort, and this is all because of how you have this set of values and morality and hold onto them tightly. you're just doing you, is what i get their general reaction to this are.

— strangers / acquaintances —

[ six of wands, eight of swords ]

it seems that you gained some positive attention like getting praises, promotions etc and i feel like it was very recently as well. regardless, the cards are telling me that you have a fair amount of both people supporting you and wanting to see you fall. now, regarding the achievement, those who support you from afar are really proud of how far you came, that your gentle soul finally gets the appreciation they deserved. to them, you have a really pure heart and energy while being such a hard worker. you really have their support, pile 4. now onto the people that don't like you as much, these can be external factors that had or are negatively impacting you, but i feel for the most of you, it's the people instead. they see here that you're standing tall in yourself, not shaken up by their advances as you deliberately close your eyes and ears to anything they have to say. you also don't make a move either and this really hurts their pride (lol serves them). they're seeing you in all your glory and your unbothered energy makes their insecure asses more insecure.

— close ones —

[ page of pentacles, seven of cups ]

your close ones are aware that you cherish your inner child very much. tbh this whole spread screams inner child. anyway, you make decisions after listening to your inner child but you're also very grounded in reality. like you have that thirst for enjoyment a child would have but you're not a child in terms that you are blindly going anywhere without knowing the cautions of the place. you nurture your inner child very much so you try to things that would make them happy, and your close ones are really happy you're happy. remember that achievement in the strangers / acquintances part? i feel like that alone has opened up so many opportunities and choices for you, choices that would make your inner child so happy. they're just super proud of you, they know you've been waiting for this day. and since you have a solid foundation of principles, they trust that you would make the best call for future choices whether or not you ask them for their advice. there's just so many good things waiting for you pile 4 :)

thank you for reading pile 4 , have a great day !

· · ─────── ˗ ˏˋ ❀ ´ˎ ˗ ─────── · ·

[lyriumrain]

As an unemployed, 31 year old autistic/ADHD person who's been through a few jobs and many, many years of volunteering and various training/certificates, I ask - what do I do? What exactly am I supposed to do? Because society is telling me I should just die.

I see a post going around time and again, often reblogged by "successful people" I follow (aka people who have found their favoured career path), that says networking is vital - that you can't get anywhere without networking.

So, with that in mind - what do you do when people don't like you? What do you do when you don't "fit in" anywhere? What do you do when masking your autism doesn't work? What do you do when unmasking, and trying to be yourself, still doesn't work?

Something I've greatly struggled with is people... just not liking me. I'm not saying they're bad people, quite the opposite - it's normal to not like/be neutral about someone who you unconsciously perceive as "weird" or that something is "off" about them. However, I can't do anything about that. How people perceive me from a quick conversation is not in my realm of control. So... what do i do?

At the end of the day, the supposed life-changing networking hasn't ever panned out for me. That is just the reality I live with. People, generally, don't like me enough to be interested in what I want to do, they don't like me enough to remember me (so there's no mentioning of me to people who could help), and in the rare instances where someone tries to help - it's down career paths that are not compatible with my abilities and limitations (and god knows I've tried to follow those paths regardless because, despite how this post might come across, I am actually an optimistic person - I'm always holding out hope that the next thing I try is going to work out).

I am forever grateful to everyone along my journey who's been kind to me and extended a hand, but the fact of the matter is they were not in a position to help me in a meaningful way.

"Networking", (aka socialising), is just something humans do. Which makes sense why it's become this... "thing" in capitalism, a "thing" that you need to do to prove you're a good worker. A thing that people are always talking about, but also never talking about at the same time. There's zero help for those of us who cannot seem to get a grasp on it. Just network, network, network.... and if that doesn't work then "obviously" you're the problem - "obviously" you're just a horrible person to be around.

This is not a "woe is me" story btw, it's a story of fucking anger. What am i supposed to do? I wish someone could just tell me what basic life skill I must've never been taught that will permit me entry into living a normal life.

[raideo]

Issey drama anon here, please tell us about Romance Doll because I have not heard anything about it

also, have you heard of Quartet? I've seen like 50 gifsets from it and it seems legit funny as hell

UMMM WELL- I'll put my thoughts on Romance Doll under a break at the end because the movie is pretty nsfw and weird and yeah...

Quartet is on my list! I'm definitely going to watch it at some point, but I also really wanna watch Miracles! Honestly that one has been the most interesting to me from the beginning but my adhd is just causing me to watch whatever's convenient first, not the ONE IVE REALLY WANTED TO WATCH THIS WHOLE TIME. I still have to finish Koisenu Futari too... I stopped that one cuz I was watching it with someone and we had a long period of time where we couldn't watch it. And then also it's just VERY HEAVY as a person who happens to be demi who has gone through periods of feeling like I could be aroace in the past. It's so realistic and deals with the painful things as well as the funny things and I am scared to finish it bc I KNOW THERES MORE HEAVY SHIT TO COME but it's an amazing show AND I DO WANT TO FINISH THAT ONE TOO.

And on a completely polar opposite note: ROMANCE DOLL, LMAO

Ok so, this movie is very much one of those WEIRDLY REALISTIC stories where all the characters are so real and flawed and HUGE MISTAKES ARE MADE by characters and it's just such a wild ride. You probably haven't heard about it because its FUCKING WACK.

Without giving too much away in case you wanna watch it (netflix dropped it last monday, which is actually why I ended up watching it over the weekend at all, but it's still available to rent on amazon 🙄) Issey plays Tetsuo, an unemployed art college grad who is desperate for a job. His friend gave him a tip about this sketchy job opening but told him literally nothing else about it. He shows up and this old woman greets him and shows him around and he's a bit shocked to find out it's a shop that makes SILICONE SEX DOLLS. The woman is like "your friend didn't tell you that???" And Tetsuo was like "he literally just said there was a job here-" and she laughs and says "Some friend he is then!" Honestly I loved the old lady she's great, I wish I could remember her name I'm too lazy to go look it up rn.

Anyway so yeah, he takes the job even though the interview was super awkward and there's this gross pervy old guy who works there and he doesn't really care about the subject matter he just needs money (mood)

One thing and another happens (and a lot of me wanting to slap the old man into next tuesday, seriously he's the worst) and a little bit later Tetsuo meets the love of his life through some bullshit connection to his job, and they end up getting married some time after, but she doesn't know what he does for a living and ITS ALL VERY HARD TO EXPLAIN WHY HE KEEPS THAT FROM HER without spoiling things but just- the movie is wack, I really didn't like it in the beginning but it pulls a complete 180 and ends up being this weirdly emotional and AT TIMES, a holesome wholesome slice of life movie??

Don't get me wrong it doesn't sugarcoat things like objectification of women and there's some degree of realistic portrayal of that bc of the whole Tetsuo working at a sex doll shop thing, it is very true to life- how men can be gross even if they aren't going so far as assaulting anyone. It doesn't excuse it either it just presents it as it is, which is good I think. But then there are OTHER moments where the movie is very sex positive- so its a wild fucking trip tbh. Definitely don't watch it if you have sensitivities to the things I mentioned above bc bro omg the first half almost had me like "yeah I can't watch this" a couple times jfc.

BASICALLY by the end of the movie the message is that communication and being open with people you love (and not getting bogged down with anxiety and guilt) is important, because on top of not being fair to the people who are important to you, hiding things from them can eat you up inside and make you act irrationally and hurt them even more whether you realize it or not. And also, you never know how someone will feel about the things you don't want to tell them. Something that could be huge to you could be no big deal to another.

Its just a very interesting movie. I don't know if I'd recommend it, theres some NUCLEAR SECOND HAND EMBARRASSMENT CRINGE MOMENTS like oh my god i wanted to die- and like I said above, there's lots of intense subject matter and some not so pretty moments that a lot of people may want to avoid. Id for sure check one of those sites that gives content warnings before watching bc hoo boy...

But all that aside, once again Issey is an incredible actor and his range is apparent in this movie. I saw some like- borderline SLAPSTICK physical comedy moments that had me so surprised bc he did them so well but its so new and different from anything else ive watched him star in. Dude is just unstoppable tbh. He HAS 👏 THE 👏 RANGE!! 👏

Also you get to see him naked a lot. So there's that!

[theluxuriansecret]

Diary Entry 02092024

Dear Diary,

SO much has happened since the last time I wrote. I hate that I have kinda fallen off from writing but honestly, I only ever want to use my computer at my dsk and I never wanna sit here though LOL. But today I am feeling really good, fresh sheets on my bed, clean room, freshly showered, i feel really good right now. I don't know where to start really so I guess i'll just start with news thats not really news.

One, I'm still unemployed *palm to face*. I'm not going to lie I haven't sent in a job application in like a week because so many of these jobs are not real, they're already filled, I'm getting a bunch of rejections. It's a bit much I'm not gonna lie. I DID have a job interview yesterday because a previous interview that I had, the interviewer liked me so much and was like "yes, you didn't get this job, but I really like you and I think you'd make a great fit in our company somewhere, jus not here" basically. I think it went well, but I'm not going to hold a high flame to it this time. I am applying to these government job that was recommended to me. It's a job I guess. Sometimes I wonder why I'm not super ambitious, but truly it's for someone else. I don't care about all that stuff, not that I'm not a good worker or hard worker; there is simply more to life than work.

OKAY here it is. I am excited about this one. I have a boyfriend. WOAH I know, I can't believe I didn't lead with that, I had to get all the boring shit out of the way first. SO, I have written about this guy before. He was actually a guy I had a crush on around a year ago and ended up sleeping with in October. Turns out sleeping with a guy really doesn't stop him from liking you. Some of them just really don't like you, OUCH! That's alright though. Things are going so well with him and honestly I don't want to jinx it. But this shit is truly something I only thought I could have in a fairytale. He lets me be me. He understands I am a human. He understands I have dreams and goals and wishes outside of him. I have hobbies, I have friends, I have a life; he is not my world, I am my world. He lets me be and I love it. Our chemistry is other worldly and our connection is truly something I have never experienced before. In our conversation it's like we manifested each other. AS we got to know each other as friends and were working on ourselves, we found our way back to each other and deepen our connection. Last night I realized I really love him. I love him so much. He's wonderful. I mean I have always loved him, obviously in a friendly was. As a friend, I adore him; I did then and I do now, even more. This time around I love him, I really do. We both recognize that we are always growing and changing and that we need to work through things together as a team, as a partnership, and what makes it better is that he is a really easy person to talk to.

Last week I decided i was going to go se him because there was no way I could wait for our original date to se each other. He lives 4 hours away now, but this ain't my first rodeo. So, instead of waiting two months I drove down to where he lives and spent like two days with him, in that he did tis really cute Valentine's day thing for me and it was wonderful, got me flowers, chocolate, wrote me a card. It was so sweet and I loved it. Our time together was just mazing, nothing felt weird or awkward, it felt how it usually does, just with more love honestly. He took care of me the whole time, something I have never experienced before, and wow. i do just love him. (Which I have not said, or will say until I see him face to face honestly, but honestly want him to say first LOL)

I spoke on the phone with one of my besties yesterday and she is silently going through a lot right now, and I'm going to do my best in supporting her through it as much as I can. She struggles with substance abuse and she's entered a new relationship with a 30 year old insecure ass man. He is insecure about EVERYTHING. Mind you this girl is a Sagittarius, you can not be insecure dealing with a sag. I feel for her though, and I'm glad that she sees me as a confidant. I'm glad that she is able to trust me and really share with me her very ral struggles.

OH btw I am going to Miami in March and I'm very excited! Real first trip with no parents, my girls, and a beach AHHHH. I'm mad excited. (I REALLY WANT A JOB THOUGHHHH)

That's all I got for now though. Till next time xoxo

SOTD: Such a Thing by Alex Isley + Jack Dine

[asknightshitau]

`` Hello? Hello, hello! ``

WARNING

This ask blog will (eventually) contain blood, language, typical fnaf things, mentions of suicide, death, adult/triggering topics, flashing lights, loud noises, and lots of jumpscares!

Welcome 2 my ask blog!

There are a few things you need to keep in mind before you can start interacting, so please continue reading!!

ABOUT :

WHAT IS THIS ASK BLOG ABOUT ?

It's about my FNaF AU, Nightshit! It will be going through the lore of this au, starting in 1983!

WHAT IS NIGHTSHIT?

a fnaf au made by me! its an au that incorprates some old theories, strays a bit from canon, and concepts i wanted to play around with! things from the games, books, and movie r all added into this au!!

EXTRA?

aaaaa

my main blog : @daveygutz

RULES :

NO NSFW / EXPLICIT ASKS/INTERACTIONS W/ ANY OF THE CHARACTERS. ESPECIALLY MINORS. suggestive asks for 18+ CHARACTERS ONLY r okay.

You are allowed to give items and interact with the characters!

If you have any questions for me personally, please say specifically its for me OR ask it on my main blog!

make sure to lmk what character(s) the ask is for!

shipping is fine HOWEVER there are a few canon relationships in place and PLEASE DO NOT SHIP SMTH WEIRD AND/OR ILLEGAL/GROSS. ty!!

CHARACTERS :

these are all the main characters you can ask/the blog/au is focused on for now! you can also ask characters not on this list, as theres a lot more. (and i mean a lot.) lore will be unlocked as the ask blog goes on, so for now their descriptions are pretty vague/basic and will change as time goes on. Check back every so often!!

WILLIAM V. AFTON (HE/HIM) ; A friendly and outgoing business man & father of 5. He's rather beloved in the small town he resides in, due to having a hand in the creation of Fredbears Family Diner! Of course he couldn't have done it without. . .

HENRY T. EMILY (HE/HIM) ; A rather closed in and quiet man, a striking difference to his business partner. When not working, he's a father to twins, Charlotte & Samuel Emily!

ANJELA M. AFTON (SHE/HER) ; Mrs. Afton! The loving and cheerful wife to Mr. Afton. Her cheerful demeanor seems to brighten up a room at times, which comes in handy in her job as a nurse!

LORAINE EMILY (SHE/HER) ; Mrs. Emily! Shes a bit on the shy side, but is Anjelas best friend! Shes currently unemployed, but that doesnt mean she isnt a hardworker!

MICHAEL D. AFTON (HE/HIM) ; A 12 year old who tends to get into trouble sometimes. He gets annoyed by his younger siblings sometimes, especially his little brother, but who doesnt?

EVAN S. AFTON (HE/HIM) ; Mr. & Mrs. Aftons middle son! He has a bright future ahead of him and tries his best to be nice to others! He thinks his older brother is super cool though, despite him being only a year older than him, which can sometimes get in the way of his attempts at being a good kid.

CRYING CHILD (HE/THEY) ; The youngest son in the Afton Family, being 10. He's rather sensitive and quiet, but that doesn't seem to bother his energetic best friend, Charlie! He doesn't have many friends, but he doesn't mind. He also gets called a lot of funny nicknames, which makes it hard for people to remember what his real name is. I'm sure someone will figure it out someday.

CHARLOTTE J. EMILY (SHE/HER) ; Crying Childs BFF!!! Shes super energetic and fun to be around! Her favorite animatronic is Fredbear, or at least it is for now! She also thinks her twin brother is an alien, but thats a story for another day.

SAMUEL EMILY (HE/HIM) ; Charlie Emilys twin brother! He likes typical (HUMAN) boy things, like any other 11 year old!

ELIZABETH M. AFTON (SHE/HER) ; The oldest daughter in the Afton Family! She LOVES all things pink, ponies, and flowers. Also makeup! and clowns, surprisingly. She normally hangs out with her BFF Susie or with her dad, though it's mostly her sitting in his office while he works.

ABIGAIL S. AFTON (SHE/HER) ; The baby of the Afton Family! Shes a baby. erm not much info abt her yet!

SUSIE FITZGERALD (SHE/HER) ; Elizabeths best friend!!! HORSE GIRL 100000%. Shes very protective of her toys, especially her Freddys ones! She only lets Elizabeth touch them, and even then she watches her at all times.

SPRING BONNIE (ANY PRONOUNS) ; An animatronic rabbit! What more could you ask for? He's basically Fredbears other half! This type of animatronic doubles as a suit that can be worn by employees, though he's mostly worn by Mr. Afton!

FREDBEAR (HE/HIM) ; An animatronic bear! The main star of the show! This type of animatronic doubles as a suit that can be worn by employees, though he's mostly worn by Mr. Emily!

more characters and info will come later on! theres also a few other characters you can ask about, such as Jeremy, Samantha, Pigtail Girl/Cindy, etc along with some ocs!

thats enough yapping now!! 😝

go and ask smth!!!!

[lobotomizedlady]

I literally need you to talk about how much I hate that thing you just rb'd saying how much it sucks (objectively correct) bc I'm losing my mind rn why is it so FUNNY like the author is clearly trying to be deep which makes it hilarious bc it missed the mark so badly

thank god you asked bc I'm literally about to go through every single line to point & laugh

"murder has its sexual side" no shit, sexual sadists are like the most common type of serial killer and literally everyone knows that

"often you should act like you're sexless" uh. I don't know how any woman is supposed to do that lol. our sex shapes our reality. dumb weird take

"people who don't work with their hands are parasites" what the fuck are they trying to say. I mean I know what they're trying to say, anyone who isn't blue collar is a parasite, but aside from that sentiment being totally ridiculous it's phrased badly. white collar ppl work with their hands. so do musicians. so does basically everyone on earth aside from unemployed ppl.

The next 3 are fine, just very basic takes that have been said a million times so I'll just move on to the more egregious ones. such as...

"slipping into madness is good for the sake of comparison" oh my fucking god do I hate this. I HATE THIS. spoken like someone who has never experienced "madness". fucking moron absolute imbecile.

"sloppy thinking gets worse over time" yeah, that's called a bad habit. they are known to get worse over time. revolutionary take truly never been done before

"taking a strong stance publicizes the opposite position" this is another one of the particularly braindead takes. so what is the alternative exactly, according to the author? being a lukewarm fencesitter and letting the ppl willing to fight for their opinions take over for better or worse to avoid giving them more exposure? you go from the opposition possibly winning to them definitely winning bc you're not taking a position at all. fucking idiot

"the idea of revolution is an adolescent fantasy" there have been literally thousands of revolutions, they have happened at some point in virtually every human population, open a history book or maybe go back to first grade you fucking idiot

Next one is just a convoluted and purple prosed way of saying religion is the opiate of the masses, which is a much more succinct and understandable way to put it.

"the most profound things are inexpressible" clearly, as you've said nothing remotely profound so far

"timidity is laughable" so are we meant to take a strong position or not. make up your mind

"torture is barbaric" you should be tortured for writing this post.

"when something terrible happens people wake up" yeah no shit. people are gonna be more alert and paying more attention during a terrorist attack than they will be on their sunday grocery run. btw having to read this post was my own personal 9/11 and yes I'm wide awake, congrats socrates

[midnightcowboy1969]

michael taylor from m2d :)) 8, 20, 21, 30 (for the character asks!)

Mikey :) hmmm

8. Your favorite outfit of them.

My favorite outfit has to be:

But my favorite look, I'll say, has to be the unemployed house-husband attire!

20. A weird headcanon

He takes offense to the word "yuppie." It is basically a slur.

21. When do you think they were at their happiest?

This is kind of difficult for me to answer... also, it's been some time since I watched the show (I need to rewatch the show, I say over and over again).

The easy answer is that he was at his happiest throughout the majority of the show. Sure he and Joey bickered but that's how they show they love each other dfghjk no but the way they actually grew from childhood friends to enemies to co-parents, brought together and healed through Nicole, their daughter... living as a family. Joey, Nicole and him. Best years of his life.

30. The funniest scene they had?

I cannot choose a single funniest one. He is so funny! So iconic! So many funny scenes! So many iconic lines. "You're not ordering a McDaughter!" "Get therapy!" etc.

However, there is one scene which I'm mentioning only because it just came to me and it made me giggle. So in the s3 episode Enviormental Case Joey is being an enviormentalist king which lands him in court and he gets ordered by the judge to pay a fine but Joey being his king self says he won't pay, so he is willing to go to jail for his cause, and Michael, frustrated with all this, stands up and says he'll pay the fine! So he walks to the front of the courtroom yknow where the judge is seated but Joey gets to him before he can pay up and they have a little discussion right there in front of the judge (and yknow the rest of the courtroom). Joey pleads his case to Michael but Michael says "This isn't High School detention! This is jail!" this is serious stuff!! and then the judge tries saying something because hello?! and Michael shushes him! Michael shushes the judge! Such a Michael moment. Too upset with Joey to think straight ;) truly.

Thank you <3333

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

your answer made me tear up too, i don't think anyone has cared enough to ask how i've been in so long. i feel like the bad days are permanent, they seem to appear so often i just can't bear it anymore. i try to hold out hope but maybe i'm just kidding myself. i've been so sad for so long, i don't even remember how to be happy. and that makes me so sad. that the thought of passing away seems so much more of a relief than to continue living. i know for a fact i failed my exams which means i'll either have to drop out or redo my exams. which also means i won't get to do placement. and if my family knows of this, i don't think i can go through that again. i can't. the pain was way too much last time, i suppressed those memories. i'm not stong enough to go through that again. i know death is the easy way out. and i'm a coward for wanting to take it but i'm so desperate. i don't want to feel the pain anymore. the numbness, the anger, the guilt, the sadness, i can't.

i'm sorry, you feel so much more comforting than my own big sisters. i don't think they even deserve that title truthfully. but thank you for letting me rant, you don't even have to post this. i don't mind. i truly hope your day today was much lighter than mine. i hope you experienced some form of happiness today. i hope you're well. love you more than words could ever say, thank you for letting me spill my words on here. please don't feel pressured to post this. i'm sorry for how weird this ask is. i'm sorry for unloading it all on to you 💕

Don't worry, you can always rant to me. Sometimes we just need to let it out, to get it off our chests because too often we don't have anyone trustworthy to talk to openly and many wouldn't understand it either. I wish I could help you through this, I'm having similar struggles too. I actually blew up my professional life a week ago because I panicked. They wanted to give me the residency I asked for after fighting with them for months and when they gave it to me I ended up not accepting (for reasons listed bellow but also because they bind you contractually for life). I just spent the last year not even living but surviving, working nights so often I didn't feel human at all and I barely saw my family (my younger niece barely knows who i am), I don't even have friends anymore because everyone kind of just gave up on me. They didn't understand how tired I was from work, I just didn't want to do anything after work. I went from a packed covid unit to urgent care back to infectious diseases and it's been so exhausting both mentally and physically and my chronic illnesses have all gone havoc in this time and I've come to realize that even though the pay is better when you work nights and on calls, my health and general well being have no price. So when my contract is up this March I'm going to be unemployed for a bit until I find a job as a GP and that's scary as hell and no one quite understands why I left a higher paying job in a hospital 20 mins away from me by foot that I lowkey dreamed about and wished for my entire life. Guess they were right when they said be careful what you wish for...I got my wish and it cost me everything else and I was miserable. If I had the option I'd leave healthcare altogether, but my background is basically a nursing degree and then a doctor's degree so I'm stuck with it...unless I marry a richy rich dude 🤣 (can I get Charles Leclerc pls) but yeah, I understand what you're going through. Life is so fucking hard all the time and most people just have to stay up float and that's it, but people like you and me are constantly swimming against the current with chains pulling us under. (There's a song by The Pretty reckless called Under the water, I recommend you listen to it, kind of like a soundtrack to this whole thing). I refuse to believe it won't get easier one day (despite my year starting with a firework going off in my face followed by a terrible case of chicken pox that made me miss a weekend trip to Austria, making my skin awful, and now a flare up in my condition), IT HAS TO GET EASIER. Until then, please reach out to me whenever you need it. It's not a burden. Hell it's like group therapy, we can commiserate together over shitshows of the day. Can even be fun? Either way, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere yet. I'll keep fighting and I really hope you will too so that one of these days we can talk about the good things we get to see and live. I'm hoping everything happens for a reason and one day that reason will be clear. 💕

[weebsinstash]

Oh sweetling I'm so sorry. If she's that toxic to be around then she may be too far gone. I don't usually tell people to give up on someone, but for now until she has her behavior and lifestyle choices actually dawn on her I suggest stepping away.

Do not burn yourself to keep others warm. No amount of self sacrifice and kindness will help her right now. Some day she may figure herself out and maybe she won't but until she grows as a person and actually honestly reaches out to you first with proof she wants to change don't put yourself at risk for her.

Your pain is understandable, you are mourning the sister you used to know, and it's dawning on you she may never be who she used to be. Realizations like that are never easy. If you can safely take time off I suggest it. You need time to process the grief and pain.

(This also became an extremely long answer because I'm just trauma dumping st this point)

It's fucked up. I don't know what I can do? And I see signs of her still trying to have a relationship with me or something but, it genuinely feels like the only way I can hold a conversation with her is if I perfectly tailor every word, like walking on eggshells. Like. The first day I saw her she showed me her phonecase, and she has a sticker from Spirited Away on it which was a movie we watched together as kids and we loved it so much it practically rewired our brains? And then later that night she's like "look at this pipe my (loser) boyfriend got for me, doesn't the swirls remind you of Dodo from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends?"

And I think "theres my sister! She's still here! She still remembers all the times we spent together! She still loves me!"

But then the entire time the rest of the visit she'll barely look up from her phone. We barely spend half a day with her and she's already "i miss my boyfriend" and saying how "we're keeping her from him" even though she's unemployed and has basically been spending every waking minute with him for months. There was once a time when she was a teenager and we were visiting my grandma because she was really sick from her lungs filling up with fluid and that ENTIRE TRIP she was bitching and moaning about wanting to see her bf even right in front of our grandma

Can I just drop in that we were visiting her for several days and we barely got to do anything with her because 1) she kept trying to force us to hang out with her boyfriend 2) she kept refusing to take a shower and put on clean clothes and 3) she would barely hold a conversation and needed everything repeated to her like it was so bad we're wondering if she has undiagnosed ADHD or if she's just using so much stuff she's going braindead and 4) she slept like the whole time and I don't know if that's from drinking or weed but literally, she stays up extremely late and then sleeps all day

I feel shitty because our visit was probably just extremely stressful for her. I tried. I took us out to dinner and I took us all to a movie and im trying to have conversations with her and then later on in the trip she just snaps that we aren't even asking any questions about how she's been doing? When we've been trying to talk to her the whole time? She just perceives things differently now, through her own lens.

There was.... one point when my mom was trying to talk to her and she's just being pissy and weird and my mom just breaks down crying saying "why won't you talk to me? Did I do something wrong? Tell me what I can do to help you"

And my sister is just like "are you serious?" Like she doesn't even understand or CAN understand why mom's upset and then doubles down by "you guys are just overwhelming me, I have anxiety and ptsd and I don't like to talk on the phone and listen to voicemails" and then she starts listing off all the terms and conditions to speaking with her, how you have to text her and ONLY text her (because that way she can control the conversation and can ignore you or disappear whenever she wants), don't text her too many messages at once, don't ask specific questions, don't talk to her before 9pm, meanwhile my mom is just crying trying to communicate with her and she's emotionless, even annoyed

At one point during the trip I just snapped at my sister because she was just sitting there being a massive cunt. She was refusing to shower so we could go out and have fun because "i don't have any clean clothes, they're all at my boyfriend's and I don't know where he is and he has the keys to my apartment" (turns out he keeps his house completely unlocked anyways so she literally had no excuse for not letting us go get her clean clothes) so then we literally run out and buy her new clothes to wear as a surprise and that infuriated her for some reason? She wouldn't even look at them? The very first words out of her mouth were "are you trying to force me to wear a bra in public" and when mom kind of chuckled yes she's IMMEDIATELY "no, then fuck you"

So after bickering with her for a few minutes of her refusing to fucking bathe I just snapped. I said "mom put your shoes on, we're taking her back to her fucking boyfriend" and we got into this big heated argument where I said a lot of things but so did she. At one point im like "you're a monster, you're acting like a monster, look what you're doing to our mother"

And later on after she stormed out of the hotel and calling a lyft, she uses the excuse that "oh if I had been actually talking to her I would know that being yelled at triggers her ptsd and her abusive ex used to do that to her all the time" but like, mom and I agree that she was actively looking for an excuse to leave anyways. She found fault in everything we did from the moment we got there.

She's just stuck in this opinion that we don't care about her and that's coloring her view of every single thing we do, while also simultaneously demanding our support. when my mom asks questions about her wellbeing she interprets it as my mom being controlling and implying she's a loser. Or the opposite where she takes absolutely no responsibility for her actions. At one point my mom said something like "Emily im just worried about you going out to bars at night without covering up" and she, without flinching, replies "well neither of the times I was raped was for what I was wearing, so :)" like genuinely said it with so much sass and venom and a smile like she was making some kind of point

Like. Emily. Genuinely what kind of fucking logic is that, for one, and for two, it's not even true. From what I understand one of the times she was attacked was because she was hanging out with men she didn't even know doing coke with them without underwear on and she fell asleep there. Like. She's gotten to the point where she uses all the horrible things that have happened to her as an excuse to keep being dangerous. It's like some professional victimhood shit, she won't tell you the details but she'll throw it in your face like a weapon, she repeatedly threw up the fact she was assaulted AS A WEAPON to make us feel guilty, and then demands sympathy and support

Well I'm sorry but guess what. If you have all this trauma and anxiety and ptsd for years and years and YEARS and you're not even trying to do something about it and are even continuing to put yourself in danger, then why should I have any sympathy. Why should I throw myself on the ground at her feet begging for forgiveness for not knowing about something she didn't tell me about? How can she complain i never talk to her when she demands only to be texted and can't even hold a proper conversation?

Like. I'm almost done with this huge ass post, I'm just, like you said I'm grieving the loss of the person I used to know and I'm worried that someday very soon I will be ACTUALLY grieving her. But I was trying to ask her fun questions to try and connect with her and show an interest in her? At one point im like "hey sometimes I think about learning new things or new hobbies just for fun. Like I bought a soapmaking kit and an embroidery kit to do crafts because I thought that would be neat. Is there anything you think would be fun to learn?"

And she just shut me down "haha there's nothing I'm good at" nd just went right back to her phone and ignored me when I asked "ok but hypothetically if you could learn anything just for fun what would it be? Just hypothetically?". Just gave me fucking nothing at all.

And then, like, she was trying to force us to hang out with her boyfriend when he's a stranger and also we came to visit HER, SHE'S the one we haven't seen in years, but we were still talking to her about him and asking questions to try and show an interest in him to try and be supportive? And she got mad over that too. "You can ask all these questions about him but you can't actually meet him" yeah honey because youre 27 and he's almost 40 and he's taking advantage of you during an extremely emotionally vulnerable point in your life and we don't approve and quite frankly if it was legal I would beat him within an inch of his life

I'd also like to point out that even though she has her own shitty apartment, she's apparently staying with him in his family home where he lives and shares the house with, uh, we don't even know how many people? Soy sister is living with her boyfriend who still lives with his Guatemalan Catholic family who I'm sure does not appreciate her walking around without a bra and nipple piercings, and my sister even admitted his mother will knock on the door and stop them when they're having noisy sex in her house. Also just like, there are men and other people in the home who are not even related to her boyfriend and she doesn't seem to conceptualize how disrespectful, gross, and dangerous it is to always be half naked in front of other people? She's my own sister and even I'M like "please stop being such a whore"

Just. God. I want to help her but she doesn't see a problem. Or the problems she does see you're not allowed to comment on while she plays victim and demands sympathy. I hate it. I feel disgusted. I feel used. I feel like she considers me an ATM she can dump all her feelings and trauma onto and unconditional love and support comes back out and I can't do that anymore. It's why I stopped talking to her. At this point I don't know whether to keep her at arms length or just completely cut her out. I hate this. I was already struggling with my mental health and this doesn't help. It really doesnt.

[blueempty]

It was super nice out today

I'm finally bordering on fully healed from my illness. I think after not eating for two days my stomach is kinda unsure how hungry I am throughout the day so I might've overeaten today but I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm just worried about tomorrow cuz I'm supposed to go into work to make up for the 4 days I missed and idk how long I'm gonna be there or what I'm doing but I wont have food readily available unless I bring it

I got really lucky the night I got sick cuz basically what happened was I grabbed PDQ on the way into work, ate it for lunch, then somewhere around like 8pm started feeling off, and then around 10:30 I was so cold my fingers were going numb. But the lucky thing was that I was in sort of the middle step of a test that would've kept me there till like 1 or 2am, so I was able to throw my samples in the fridge and bail

But anyway the positive thing is I'm better now. I felt pretty productive yesterday cuz I did a bunch of stuff around the apartment and took a really good nap. Today was slightly less productive but the humidity was low and it was cool out so I let the outside air cycle through the apartment while I took a low quality but comfy nap out near the bird. And before that me and my friend beat Barony for the first time. By doing it as a Skeleton I unlocked the ability to use the Conjurer class for the other monster races, and while Insectoid Conjurer turned out way worse than I even thought, Vampire Conjurer kinda whips ass and I'm having a really good time with it. Finding good team composition is really hard when youre both playing monsters though so I may just be normal and play a human next time we do multiplayer

But ye, I'm gonna try to finish my current patch Signalis run soon and I wanna see how fast I can 100% Mario Wonder again just off memory. Thats my main two projects rn I guess. It feels weird losing 4 days to like hungry fever dream status but I'll get a handle on everything soon. It always lowkey feels nice when I get to act unemployed though I gotta say

Marigolds are bouncing back also. Apparently fall is the season where they die but theyre looking better since ive been misting them every day

Peace and Long Life

[frostbite-the-bat]

.

i still cant believe its been basically over a year since the start of my last year at my high school - like i am free from that now.

the first month or SO was pretty breezy - before things get harder and things are still getting started. but still, less breezy than the other years of course, as we already had some dumbass typical-for-my-school bullshit thrown at us.

i was terrified of my finals that were coming later next year, but i was still carrying through. i also began realizing i am basically in pain daily - NOT just my hands. but couldn't pinpoint the cause but i knew that practice where we do laborous physical shit was going to be a nightmare. (it was)

after covid and bad untreated carpal tunnel shit it was a nightmare to go through note-heavy classes too. not being able to pause for even a second or you miss out on important notes, getting weird looks from your teacher. literally gasping for air as your hands cannot handle the sharp pain from having to write this fast. and you're still 'slacking behind'.

that got better and then worse in some days. but. sure. can deal with that. have been dealing with that since.

but at time went on and on i became more and more miserable, more scared of my future. this school was hurting me more and more, being constantly neglected by my teacher. me especially. the others being better at what they did, so they got some special treatment. more time at the more laborous work for me!! it was a painful fucking nightmare both physically and mentally

i dreaded going there everyday. everyday i wanted to drop out - i wanted to get out of that god damn hell school. as things got worse so did my thoughts... and yet i made it! i managed to get through. i did it.

at this time last year i would've been already going through so much shit. and yet i'm here. like. i've actually done it. i lived. did i deserve that?? did anyone deserve that treatment we got there?? absolutely fucking not.

in all fucking seriousness i couldnt be happier right now doing nothing, even if it does get to my brain sometimes. even if i know i wont get good treatment in the future, possibly. but even then there's still a future for me. even if still under my parents - if i do get a job i can just quit i will not be tied to a shitty teacher and possible legal trouble if i dont attend. this teacher who also likes getting too personal and nice and then whips out some of the most cruel most insulting shit you could imagine. i hope shes fucking happy quitting the job after essentially abusing me and my classmates. i hope shes happy doing her own thing after screaming and yelling at me and telling me to cry harder when i did a simple mistake. i hope she's fucking proud of herself for this. i hope she knows how miserable we all were during her classes, or rather, the lack of them, as she never taught us anything and made us do her own personal event shit for her. i hope she knows i dont ever plan on doing anything in my life thats like what i studied at this school and graduated from basically because im so scarred by it.

seriously. how was any of this legal. it cant be. i feel so sorry for any future students, but also happy, since they wont have to deal with HER anymore.

i do not, honest to god, plan on going back to any school anytime soon, and i'm just fine staying unemployed for now even if just.. completely under my parents. i cant do shit anyway. but god im happy to just.

rest finally after all that. nobody deserves that. looking back and not living through it anymore makes me realize how fucked up it was. its so surreal. im not dealing with that anymore.

but god is it going to haunt me for a long time.

[user5726816393]

I have a pretty weird, topsy turvy view on my work ethic. Throughout high school and undergrad, I thought I was a lazy, procrastinating underachiever. But at the same time, I did also work like 32 hours, 4 days a week, often going a whole month or more without a single day off from school or work.

I dare say, during my time at 85, I was pretty good at my job and worked hard to push out a lot of cakes and pastries. I like to bitch about how much I hated it and how much I needed to get out, but I didn't hate working in the kitchen; I just hated that the pay felt like a dead end and I was working under shit managers. If it seemed feasible, I think I would have been very content with a lifelong career in food service.

Then, after undergrad and quitting 85, I took it easy for a bit and was basically unemployed a while as I tried to figure out what to do. Only to get restless and go back to work, eventually pivoting into my job at Medtronic. I never thought I'd end up working the same job as my mom. For all her complaints about how lazy I was, I think a small part of her genuinely died inside when I fell into her line of work.

She had worked so hard to give me and my siblings every opportunity, and there I was in the trenches next to her, working 68 hours, 7 days a week. I was clearly unhappy there, but I think she worried a bit that I'd get complacent and get stuck.

Finally getting out, and having another shot at school, and able to actually make something of myself, I thought to myself, "we can't fuck it up this time." Despite that, and what I felt like pushing myself to be better, I couldn't help but feel like I was falling into the same old habits in my undergrad. Sleeping late playing video games, binge watching shows, sleeping through my first class in the morning. I thought I fucked up again. I didn't change.

But at the same time, I'm doing more work for classes than I ever did during my undergrad. I'm on top of my reading for more than 90% of my classes, I show up to networking functions and talk to people, I landed a pretty major fellowship my 1L summer, I cooked just about every single meal my 1L year, I'm competing in a moot court competition, and I'm on the executive board for APALSA my 2L year. Sure, I ran uncontested but the fact I was motivated enough to take it upon myself says something, right?

I used to say early on during my undergrad, that I'd give anything to not be a genius but instead to have a good work ethic. Well, in law school I've been truly humbled by the actual geniuses around me. I'm no genius, never have been. Instead, maybe I can finally say I'm not a lazy person. I may feel lazy, but I truly dragged my ass out of bed and busted my ass throughout my 20s. I should be proud of that. I am proud of that.

[t-lostinworlds]

My emotionally drained arse resonates with your post on so many levels. I've got no energy left, nothing to keep me going and nothing to look forward to. (And let's be real, as bleak as this may sound, trivial things to hang on to, just to make it through the day/week/month don't outweigh the torment you put yourself through to experience them - no matter how pleasant the temporary feel of "joy")

Currently living everyone's nightmare scenario where you leave school/uni/training only to end up unemployed with no prospect. (I got no interests/passions or skills to follow, therefore no lead) Nearly hitting a year of unemployment, and my depression is worse than ever. I don't even know how to justify my gap on my CV anymore without making it sound like a pathetic excuse.

"What future are we working towards exactly?" - For real. A mystery unsolved. If anyone's close to cracking this case, please hit me up.

yeah i feel you. the work thing is kinda different for me bc my job now isn't the same as to what i studied for and what i'm saving up for to continue school (i'm not even going to start how long its been) so it's a weird place but i also found that it's actually pretty common but that still doesn't really reassure you that much. and then there's this whole thing with my country's education system that's...basically my batch was a product of an experiment where they tried this new curriculum but it wasn't thought out properly so we've kinda been fucked over AND then covid hit so. not to mention everything else in the world is fucked.

and yeah, it's funny looking back at younger where i wanted to do so many things and was so ambitious in a way that i was so so soooo scared of the world "ending" bc i still wanted to do so much and now i'm just here like...if an asteroid where to hit us then fair enough. what humans are doing with the world, not to mention everything else seems to be made to be against your favour then you just get tired.

but what i can say tho is so many people feel this way so much. and whoever put the idea out there that you should've already figure life out by the age of 25 is a liar and is spewing bullshit. i've talked to a mutual about this already (aria if u see this ily <3) and she's made some great points how we're still young and we still got time. it's deffo easier said than done but yeah, i've just been reminding myself to take it day by day.

[victoriousscarf]

Can I ask about the path you took toward working in public history? I'm in grad school at the moment. (I also have a complicated family situation and the world is kind of a mess so I'm not necessarily expecting an answer that gives some kind of set path I can follow, I'm just curious.)

Ok... So ...

Like I think it's always hard to be in the public history field and be like yeah! You're totally gonna get something! Because of my like cohort when I started grad school I think... 3...no 4 of us have stable employment in the field. One I know of is field adjacent. One left to become an artist, one has never held a job in the field at all, and a lot have either struggled with work or been underemployed. So it's rough and I think the pandemic has made library/museum/archives jobs way harder.

But.

I went to school specifically in a program for archives and records management. That program no longer exists, and most archives jobs want an MLIS anyway. (I've gotten some shady looks from hiring managers not in the field because they're like... It's not an MLIS and I'm like no? Because it was way more specialized?? Like I am super qualified okay I promise). This was... Not a great idea. The more specialized you are, the harder to switch tracks it is. I've been considering going back for a museum degree just for more flexibility because that's honestly the only way to survive in this field. Right now I'm seeing more museum jobs than archives, but my curator friend was insisting it was the other way when she was applying so it's also just luck of the draw.

So I have super specialized education. Pros and cons.

I then took an internship as an interpretive ranger at a national park site. And that was the best thing I ever did for myself. There are several programs that do internships with the NPS, but a lot of them are age specific. The one I did was for 26 and below, so it wouldn't be useful for older folks going back to school but! There's also federal jobs that are either for people still in school (I think it was called pathways back then?) Or some jobs are only open for recent grads. It was paid and they provided housing. A lot of internships don't do that and it's awful and there's been a slow but steady reckoning in the field that unpaid internships are bad and exclusionary to people who don't have any support sytem backing them.

Working for the NPS opened up a lot of doors for me. The federal government is very difficult to break into. It doesn't really matter what the job posting says, if you don't have experience, you probably aren't getting through the questionnaire. (And yes. There are questionnaires. So. Many. Questionnaires). But if you luck into an internship, you learn about the system and you get experience and no matter where you go after that, it's good to have in your pocket in case you need it again.

After that I also lucked out with a partnership program through my old grad program. It is definitely worth checking to see what sort of connections the program might have. Because I got something like 9 months of work that was paid for by my grad program to work in an entirely different state to finish a project for them. Look around, connections really matter in the public history field. If you have the chance to go to a conference, yeet yourself toward it. It's hard to like meet people, but the nice thing is most folks in the field are fucking nerds who are probably socially awkward too. Archives potlucks are hailrious because 89% of the folks have got social anxiety. They all wanna bring a book and sit and read quietly. But the more people you meet, the more connections you make, the better (also Archivists looooove twitter. Ugh. And there's a lot of really good archives/library/museum groups on facebook. I'd recommend them).

The more weird shit you can put on your resume, the better. Saying which parks I worked at (sometimes very famous ones) made me stand out. I also ran a day long academic conference in grad school and was president of a student chapter of a professional organization. It almost killed me, but it stood out in people's minds. One of my co workers did field work in Eygpt, and our supervisor mentions seeing that on her resume all the time. Like that was part of what drew him to it. Again, money is an issue for most people and this is hard to pull off, but weird shit helps you stand out. Emphasis anything cool you've ever done in your whole life. I also did national history day in high school. That meant I was our education specialists favorite person when it came time to help high schoolers on their project. Even if it's too late for you to do that in high school, see if you have a regional competition nearby. Or state even. Volunteer. That's also something that stands out (plus helping wee history nerds can be a treat... When you're not being reminded why high school was so terrible lol).

I also moved to 6 states in... 5 years. And I don't mean neighboring states either I mean I started on the west coast and flung myself all the way to the western side of the Mississippi River. And then North. And then South. And then West again. This is not possible for a lot of people because a) money and b) family. Even with all that moving I was unemployed for 6 or so months in the middle of it. It is hard to be looking for work so constantly and then packing up your life and yeeting yourself to another state /again./

I also have a chronic condition with regularly scheduled flare ups. Moving away from my family for work has sucked, being in pain and having to explain to a new boss I'll have to take some time off every year to like, lay on the floor in pain, sucks. So like. It can be done even WITH stuff like that too.

But I have been incredibly lucky. Because I got a few breaks when I needed one. Because I was in a position to go for what I could take. I also missed certain chances I should have been able to take. That's never a good feeling but it doesn't mean one missed chance or fuck up is the end of the road.

So yeah, as you said, every circumstance is different, every road is different, but I do think hearing a) it can be done and b) different approaches to how it can be done, can really help. Like even if you can't do the same stuff, maybe there's something in there that can help out. Some spark of an idea of something to try.

(I'm also making this public in case it helps anyone else ... I hope that's okay).

(this got long lol. But I was trying to think of like any advice that could help. There's a lot of pathways to get into the field, but volunteering, weird shit on that resume, being willing to go the extra bit, those are probably the most basic take aways anyone could try).

[missbecky]

Okay, time for another long post about a cool weird thing that happened with my cards last night. I still don't know how I feel about deities, I don't know that I'll ever worship one, as that's just not me to worship. But I have felt as though there was an entity, goddess, force, something trying to reach me. Any time I've tried to glean information on who it was, I kept getting a door slammed in my face. I kept getting messages that I wasn't ready. And I was totally fine with that.

I'm unemployed right now, I'm a single mom, and I live with my disabled mother to help take care of her. With COVID-19, we don't take chances as my mom is in the high risk category. What that all means is that I've had way too much time on my hands. So I've been like a sponge, soaking up all the knowledge I can when it comes to witchcraft. Not being ready wasn't that big of a deal, because it just meant I got to do more research and keep putting off stuff I didn't really want to do.

Yesterday, I did my daily card draw, and the message was suddenly way different. Change has always been in the messages, but also the stopping in order to be ready for the changes. Yesterday morning I drew the the star, the chariot, and the hanged man reversed. I took that as a go for it.

Later that day I was prowling all the research servers, and the went to Google something about deities, and found an article/blog post someone had written about wishing people would stop using a very specific tarot spread for deity identification. Naturally, I decide to do that very spread. It was a five card spread, I wrote down what I wanted to know, and started shuffling. I shuffled for what felt like forever, and then when I laid the cards out, without thinking, I laid out 7. At first I was going to put the last two back, but decided to leave them. And the cards were all over the place. But I looked at it, and thought, "whoa, whoever this is, is not messing around.

So this is what I laid out.

Before I get into breaking down what these cards meant and how each one directly correlates to one specific deity, I want to point out where my head was at going into this.

I basically really actually got started with everything like 2 weeks ago. I'm basically still a newborn, right? Anyway, as soon as I start researching, I keep getting drawn to Deities. That's weird because I'm an agnostic and basically have no interest in higher powers. If they're there cool, if not cool. I have always believed that if there is some kind of being that could mold and shape the world, then my puny human brain can't comprehend them anyway, and it's really none of my concern. So, it's been really strange that this repeatedly keeps sticking out for me. I get the distinct impression that whatever energy is reaching out to me is female, a tie to the moon, the feeling of 3 was there, I knew it had to be associated with motherhood, and just a general overall feel of the empowerment of women. Naturally, I just kind of assumed Hecate, but that never actually felt correct to me.

So the 3 of cups being the first card just kind of reinforced the sense of 3 to me, and the whole sisterhood aspects of women empowering women. I wrote down 3, sisterhood, and good times. In the spread that was supposed to be 5 cards (and I did 7), the first card was supposed to sum up who the deity was.

I love my tarot deck for the strength card the most, I think. Strength is a mama bear. Again, this confirms my feeling of being tied to motherhood. The second card was supposed to represent the deities weakness. I wrote mama bear, power, and overly protective.

The third card was the chariot, and according to the spread this was their strength, their power. I wrote down action, strength, determination, will-power.

Then I get to the 4th card, the lovers. This is supposed to be what they rule. This one had me scratching my head. Now the author said this one will be harder to figure out, because the deities could even try to be snarky with this. I didn't even know what to do with this card, but like it made sense later. As I was going through each card individually, however, I came up with nothing, and in turn wrote nothing.

Card 5 was to be their symbol or association, and I had drawn 7 card. Anyway, I began analyzing the reversed hierophant, and the reversed 2 of cups. By that point I'm feeling personally attacked. And then the King of swords felt like a slap in the face. Words like logical, smart, level headed came up, which is honestly the person I've always prided myself on being. What was that person doing trying to contact a deity? I basically had to stop and ask myself wtf I was doing.

Like all shadow work, I decided to go browse the internet to distract myself from having to think about it too much. So I start googling triple Goddess and love, even though the lovers definitely didn't feel right, I'm like what the hell? Why not? Hecate and Diana come up, well that's not right. So I decide to take away the triple deciding I could just be way off base with the whole 3 thing. So I Google goddess of female empowerment and found a list of badass goddesses, and Artemis stuck out to me. But I'm like, no, that can't be right. This peace loving hippie couldn't possibly identify with the goddess of the hunt (which was the extent of my knowledge about Artemis). I then Google goddess of sisterhood, envisioning a woman running with a girl gang fucking shit up. What the fuck do you know, but that is Artemis.

After that Google search, I decide I clearly don't know enough about Artemis, and had recently downloaded some Greek mythology books, have never had the slightest interest in Greek mythology, but I saved them in my Google drive just in case. After finding out a bit about Artemis from Google, I turned to the digital books I had.

It was crazy how each of the cards began actually tying into the mythology of Artemis. She traveled with like a gang of nymphs, which I'm sure there was some sisterhood there. She helped her mother deliver her twin brother, and became like the patron God of childbirth. She defended babies and Young girls. She only ever wanted to belong to herself and so she requested everlasting virginity. From what I read she was very protective, straight up murdered rapists, and she was strong to a fault, which made sense why the strength card was listed as weakness. Apollo challenged her to hit a target way out in the ocean that she couldn't see, telling her she couldn't do it, she did it to prove she could and there was no better sharpshooter than her. The target was Orion, the only person she ever loved. So the reversed two of cards made sense. The reversed hierophant made sense because she was not traditional, she went against the grain. Her story is far from ordinary, even by mythological standards. She was a straight up badass that lived life on her terms and no one else's. There's nothing more rebellious than a woman with such control of her own life and destiny. And of course the chariot would be her strength identification, she was nothing but action oriented. The lovers could be interpreted several ways, but I take it as a woman who loves herself so fiercely she had no need for any other kind. But also when I think of love, I don't think of romantic love, I think of the bond i share with my daughter. She fiercely loved her brother, and maybe because she helped with his birth it connected her to him similar to that of a mother and child? That of course speculation. But the lovers card could also be a jab at her eternal virginity. And the King of swords sounded exactly like Artemis.

So I'm convinced this spread is talking about Artemis, but I can't shake the aspect of 3. Can't let that one go. Don't know why. So I'm looking through the l The Greek Myths by Robert Graves, and in it he speculated that Artemis was in fact a triad/triple Goddess!!!

Needless to say, I lost my fucking shit after reading that one. I was right in what I felt about what traits I felt the energy having, and the fucking spread related with every gd card.

Oh, and apparently Artemis chose to spend most of her time in the mountains. One of my favorite thing in all of the things is the mountains of Colorado, second only to my daughter, and I even identify as connected with earth elements the most because of my love for mountains. Makes me wonder how long Artemis has been trying to get my attention 😉

Anyway, I don't know what this all means to me personally yet. I've been ridiculously drained today, it's already 11 pm, and I only just now felt like I had enough energy and focus to write this out. So haven't had much time to sit with everything I experienced and felt last night.

However, it was very exciting! And I had to share my experience!