#i'm going to spend however much i need to spend or work out a payment plan if necessary

[confinesofmy]

oh. cool. i have a huge cavity in the tooth that i most recently got filled, the one where the dental assistant didn't go in after so i wound up leaving with an unpolished filling and excess filling material bonded to a healthy tooth, both of which had to be fixed by someone else. so i'd assume he either didn't remove the entire lesion before filling or in his sloppiness he left a pocket for bacteria to gather in that couldn't be cleaned. that is so neat! *adds another piece of bad news to the 2022 stack and watches as it teeters back and forth but somehow doesn't fall* haha okay! 😃🔫

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for calling out my friend's spending habits?

✈💸 to find later

I (NB 20s) have been struggling to find employment for a long time. I've been struggling a lot with money- I'm technically indebted to my bank due to an overdraft I dipped into during my last weeks of university while paying off surprise fees, and in the entire year since have been unsuccessful in paying it off for any meaningful length of time. The stress has been immense and I've been avoiding like the plague any kind of personal purchase or leisure activity that might cost me anything. It's a mindset that's been making me profoundly miserable and that I'll probably struggle to get out of for a long time.

However, in the past few weeks, I've managed to land what I can only describe as my dream job. It doesn't start for another couple months, and the pay won't be fantastic (it's an internship), but without a doubt it will change my life. Desperate to do something nice and give myself a break, members of my family agreed to lend me money via plane tickets to do a nice trip this summer and see my best friends abroad, my last big hurrah before entering the full-time workforce for the rest of my life (and being able to pay them back). And I've been really excited! I've been saving even harder than usual, scraping up cash and politely asking grandparents. It won't be easy to support myself in another country in my financial situation, I understand that, but I'm at a point where I think I can do it for a short time and not be a burden on the people who are hosting me.

However, the only issue comes with my friend (NB 20s). I've known them for years, we're extremely close, and we've been waiting for a chance to see each other again for most of that time not knowing if it would ever happen due to my financial situation, so this is the opportunity of a lifetime. They really want to host me, for at least 2 weeks, and do all these nice things together we've been planning. But in the past month or so they've all but drained hundreds of dollars from their bank account in art commissions and room decorations for themself, all of which they've been excitedly showing off to me and our other friends, all the while running out of money entirely. They can't pick up work from their (seasonal) job anymore, either, so there's no way for them to earn back the money now, and recently they've started having to push their commissions just to cover their student loan payment this month. In ordinary circumstances I wouldn't mind and would try and help them out, but I won't be in any financial position on the trip to cover their bills as well as my own (at least not regularly), and I feel like this would have been so preventable if they'd just... picked less wildly expensive things to buy as a treat, knowing the circumstances.

They've said they're also stressed and need to buy themselves nice things sometimes, which I totally agree with! I'm not that much of a party pooper, they are in a rough situation themself right now and the stuff they bought does make them genuinely happy. But it also sucks to watch them then have to struggle to pay for bills and necessities because of it, and I feel really selfish for thinking of it in the framework of our time together later as well. I've done my absolute best to be able to spend at least a few weeks having a great time with them not worrying and pinching pennies while taking care of myself, but now I'm worried we're just going to spend the trip with both of us stressed out of our minds and stuck at home struggling to pay for gas. I'm an anxious person, and the few times I've tried to bring up my worries in a more gentle way, they've vehemently reassured me everything will be fine, but now I'm leaving in just over a week and everything seems like it's getting worse instead of improving.

I know I should be just glad to spend time in their company, even if it is just at home, but I can't stop feeling like the way they've been spending money in the leadup to this has been really irresponsible and preventable. But even if so, it made them happy in the moment so i should be happy for them too, and surely it's just straight up none of my business? It's also not like they can take it back now- it's already happened, and they can't earn the money back if they wanted to. I feel like if i called them on it at this point it'd just be a dick move and come across pointless and jealous, but I also can't help but think it's unproductive to let this gnaw at me the entire time, like I should really be communicating this kind of upset and talk it out first in case it comes to a head and boils over and ruins our whole time together.

I'm aware I'll be long into the trip by the time this posts but it'd be nice to look back and see other perspectives.

[apricotbuncakes]

"How does donating to your GoFundMe support your Top Surgery?"

I'm glad you asked about this -> gofundme and how it works!

But first: if you can't afford to donate, REBLOG THIS TO HELP IT REACH MORE PEOPLE. You can also repost it to other sites or share directly with those you know can help! This helps a lot because I'm unable to constantly reblog and share it, limiting my reach to external communities.

GoFundMe, in it's most basic explanation, is a collection service that tracks how much money a certain fund has been donated to and holds onto it for the individual/group/organization until they withdrawl (or 'cash out') the money.

GoFundMe takes a portion of what is donated to keep their own business running, but most of it still goes to the person you intended to donate to! This is also why surpassing a goal when on a crowdfunding service is extremely important. If I got exactly 10,000 in donations, I wouldn't have actually made all of that money because of the portion that is taken out.

That said, it is still incredibly helpful! Of the money that I can receive from the donations, I can put that towards so many different things!!

Due to legislation and otherwise hostile environments being created for trans people across the United States (in what is rightfully being called a genocide, but I digress) I'm choosing to go the 'out of pocket' route for top surgery, meaning I'm not relying on my insurance for the procedure. Insurance can take significantly longer, and they have a limited number of people in network (aka people who accept my insurance for payment) that can perform this. It can also limit 'cosmetic' aspects, even if those things are considered standard practice, like nipple crafts.

Basically, by paying 'out of pocket' I'm allowing myself a shorter wait time because im not having to fight with insurance, or sacrificing quality over coverage.

Is crowdfunding my only option to cover this? No! I'm saving up what I can, but I work an hourly-wage job that is considered under livable wage even though it's above the minimum. I'm scheduled to work 116 hours at a part time job for college students, just in the month of March. Because I'm disabled in several aspects, this is taking a significant toll on my physical well being. I am in a better position than other people because I'm living with one of my partner's family who provides transportation, rent (housing), electric, and water utilities, and in trade I help with food through Food Assistance, a portion of the car payment, and my portion of the phone bill. I'm also paying back the minimum monthly cost for my student loans (though I'm working to get that paused for the time being). But I'm still not making $1,000 a month after taxes and bills, which means that without spending extra money, I'm only saving a few hundred a month on my own for this goal.

All of that means that I'll need to look into financing options, what are essentially loans for medical procedures. That's where the crowdfunding comes in. While I am able to make monthly payments to cover this, depending on the plan, interest can start up in under a year. With a $10,000 surgery (that price includes the estimated costs for doctor visits, tests/scans, the procedure itself, aftercare supplies, money set aside for bills while I can't work during recovery, etc) waiting to pay all of that after the interest has started adding could take literal years, and I'd be pouring more money than I can afford into it. By crowdfunding however, I would be able to get the surgery and prior/post supplies and expenses paid for, and then pay for most (if not all) of the finances/loans I took out for it after.

Basically, in my circumstances, the crowdfunding is being raised to help me pay the loans I need for this procedure off, amongst other expenses related to the surgery.

"But why do you NEED top surgery?"

Without getting into the statistics, or even legislative parts of it (and what may try to stop me from getting it by proxy), I'll stick to the facts of my individual situation.

My breasts are a literal pain in my back, and with Fibromyalgia (a disability that causes chronic pain, even when 'nothing' is wrong, a poor explanation but one that is satisfactory for this discussion) it just makes it that much worse. My breasts are rather large and are causing me a great deal of struggle to even breath properly because of their weight.

Even if that wasn't the case though, they cause me significant gender dysphoria, meaning my body is distressing me because it doesn't match my perceived sense of self as a man (or masc) person. Socially, emotionally, and mentally, they limit my transition and health, so removing them is in my best interest (my therapist even agrees). Getting this surgery done ASAP is a priority for me because of this, as well as the aforementioned growing hostility for trans people, and Anti-Trans legislation that feeds into that.

"What else are you doing to raise money?"

I understand that some people are cautious to donate money to someone who may not bring doing tbeir on effort to save money themselves.

As I said before, I'm saving what I can with my disposable income (or money that does not go directly to bills and expenses). I'm not spending on frivolous things (for me, that's eating out, new clothes, trinkets, subscription services or otherwise unneeded items). Unneeded items do not include pet supplies, medication expenses, NEEDED clothing (like weather appropriate clothes for the season), hygiene products like deodorant and soap, and other items that are not bills but are still needed.

But I'm also going to start applying for grant/scholarship money for trans people, or money I don't have to pay back. This money (should I qualify AND receive it) will go directly towards my surgery expenses so I don't have to pay as much money back on loans.

There is a chance I won't receive any of them that I apply for, which is why my gofundme goal is the total cost still, so I'm not low balling myself and having to raise the goal later.

If you really want to, I'm also opening commissions (three slots total). Because I'm packing myself to the brim with my main job, I won't be able to complete them as quickly, though I will work on them as frequently as possible. Commissions have the benefit of the money going DIRECTLY to me, so gofundme doesn't get a cut of it.

Have any other questions? My ask box and DMs are open!!

[babblable]

Haha. Welp!

So this year has been abhorrent for me and my household in many different ways! However, to keep a long story short:

I had a horrible meltdown at work last month due to a build up of stress, severe fibromyalgia flares, positively SHITTY managers and quit my job. I just couldn't do it anymore there. Especially not when said managers responded poorly to my distress and it took a manager from a different shift and another manager from a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STORE to finally calm me down enough for me to be safe going home.

I am now unemployed.

My household and I are moving to a better, more spacious and accessible place of living.

That said....

My bills for October are paid and I don't have to worry about being homeless or hungry while I look for another job or get other accommodations figured out. However, November bills onward are not feasible for me right now with.... 38$ in my bank account, especially not when I still have to pay for getting to and from job interviews. Bus fares ain't cheap and apparently our bus fare system here is changing???? god. And syringes for my Testosterone cost money too. not much, but it all adds up.

I'm primarily worried about my phone bill, as without that, I cannot get transportation to my doctors appointments, which means I can't get the medications or mobility aid I need to keep my disabilities managed nor can my providers contact me in case of changes and vice versa. It also means potential employers can't contact me.

I do have to pay back what I owe the rest of my household members for my portions of rent, down payments and loan payments that they're covering for me until I find a job or other form of accommodation. I'd like to keep that as small as possible so I can build my savings back up. ;w;

How to help!

During this time, once I've applied to a slew of places, I'm spending the rest of my free time finishing the commissions I've had queued for a while. I'm also streaming a variety of content and doing art in general that I post here after each piece is done! I write too, but not quite as much. Still, if you like any of what I do, be it art, videos, streaming or writing, consider helping out a disabled genderqueer lil guy by buying me a coffee!

Once I'm done with my current set of commissions and update my sheet, I'll open up commissions again and keep you all updated on that!

It's also totally okay if you can't help financially! believe me, I get it. It'll help just as much to spread this around! Any help is appreciated, ;w;b <3

[shadowi8]

When Ryūji and Rin moved in together, Ryūji learnt that Rin is really good at managing money.

Being a student in a dormitory away from home, Ryūji, despite having a scholarship, learned to manage his money for all the things he needed; food, school supplies, clothes, etc.

However, Rin was better than him.

Ryūji: We've got, like, 20 bucks for the rest of this week and the next one.

Rin: It's more than enough

Ryūji: ??? Did you hear I said 20 bucks?

Rin: Yes. I told you that's enough.

Ryūji: ???? I'm sure not.

Rin: Give me that. We're going to make some spending cuts on food. The good thing is that we already paid the rent, electricity and water for the month, so we don't have to worry about that. Uhm. But we can't afford to go out to eat elsewhere, so you're going to have to decline all invitations until next week. As for transport... Well, I can walk, you... Don't you have a bicycle?

Thus, Rin accommodates here and there, and although it is a bit difficult for Ryūji, they manage to survive the two weeks until the payment of both arrives.

Ryūji is pleasantly surprised, actually, because he didn't expect Rin's ideas to work to such an extent.

I don't think the church had that much money, and when they were at the True Cross Academy the money was even less, so Rin and Yukio must be used to stretch the money even if it's only $1 a day. Ryūji, on the other hand, I think he's more used to always having a little more money than necessary.

Rin is not very good at very complex things, but he can do simple math. I feel like he's more of street smart than school smart, I don't know if you get what I try to say xD

[qqueenofhades]

Although I decidedly do not need student loan forgiveness (my parents were able to pay for my entire college tuition so I didn’t have to take loans or even work during college, which should tell you all you need to know about my financial background) I stand in solidarity with y’all and I hope Biden comes through on this. I’d much rather my tax dollars go to loan forgiveness than blowing up people abroad.

In this case, it's not Biden we need to worry about; it is, and as ever, the fucking Supreme Court. If some asshole Republican AG sues the administration over this (which they will) and if it reaches the Supreme Court (which it might), then you can absolutely 100% guarantee that it will be struck down in a 6-3 decision along ideological lines. As I said before in all my other posts about this issue, that was the shortcoming with Biden doing this as an executive order (though I'm glad he did anyway). Of course the usual suspects are bitching and whining about how cancelling $10k outright ($20k for Pell Grant recipients, aka the poorest/low-income bracket of students) isn't enough and he should have just done it all, but the plan also contains major structural improvements that will have much longer-term ramifications apart from just outright cancellation, including:

As long as you're making payments (which can include $0 monthly payments if you're on an Income-Driven Repayment plan), NO INTEREST will be added to the principal balance of your loan. That is huge. I probably have at least 10K more in debt than I did when I graduated with my masters, because of the fucking interest. This is one of the things that make student loans so predatory: even if you pay the minimum amount, and if you pay it steadily, you just can't get out of debt because it keeps compounding and increasing. This means your balance will be frozen, and paying it down (even, again, if you don't actually pay anything!) will make a difference!

Full cancellation in 10 years if you've made qualifying payments (which again might be $0 if your income is low)! Also huge! People can spend DECADES paying, so capping it at only 10 years and then they're gone either way is major!

IDR plans are now capped at 5% of your discretionary monthly income, instead of 10%, which again goes a long way to making payments affordable.

If you made payments up/past March 2020 (the start of the first pandemic pause) you can actually get that money back!

Cancelling 20K in debt for the lowest earners/Pell Grantees is legitimately fucking game-changing, and will fully erase student debt for an estimated 20 million people, predominantly Black and Latino with no generational or family wealth to speak of. Even if I get 10k knocked off my student loans, I'll still have upward of 50K left over from my undergraduate/graduate degrees; I also have separate UK-based loans from my PhD which I have had to continue paying this whole time (even though Britain is literally on the verge of becoming a failed state due to economic collapse, but I digress). Of course I wish that I, personally, qualified for more forgiveness or that it would all go away. However, I absolutely recognize that this policy is going to help a lot of people who are considerably worse off than me (and I'm broke, so there you go).

Anyway, there's a lot of good stuff in this policy, and I expect further reform if the Democrats can hold/increase their Congressional majorities. But like I said, the problem isn't Biden; the problem is fucking SCOTUS. So let's see what happens.

[bluebeesknees]

Hi Bee! Going anon because I feel so awkward asking this and I genuinely like you and your work is beautiful ;;;;;;

Patreon subber here! I've noticed that you seem to be drawing less and less of BTS art and more of that anime show. Which is 100000% your prerogative and I fully support anyone following their own joy and especially artists creating art that interests them, not just to cater to their audience, so this is in no way me asking or requesting you to draw less anime and more BTS! However, I'm not in the greatest place financially right now and I need to be more strict with myself and where I am spending my money and to make sure where I'm spending my money also aligns with my own wants. I wish I was in a position to just remain subbed as a patron no matter what because I love your art and want to support you as an artist, and I've really been warring with myself over this for the last couple months because that truly where my values lie when I have the means. But between the topic and amount we're paying for, I'm feeling torn. I TOTALLY get the reasons for the decrease in content, your health issues and school and work are completely valid, but it doesn't change the fact that we're getting noticeably less now than we did a year ago, and you've been promising it's temporary for set periods (first school and exams last year, then work, then health), but it's held pretty steady for at least a year now and has never returned to the level many of us subbed to originally despite repeated assurances that eventually things will pick back up. Less content is honestly not a big deal in and of itself, but it doesn't sit right with me that you haven't been upfront that these changes will be permanent, always promising that the current volume is temporary. But also there's been no broaching the subject of the fandom your creating for the majority of the time now changing from what your subscribers subbed to or for. Again, I fully support you creating for whatever interests you, but when I subbed you were solely a BTS fanartist and described your patreon as such on twitter, offering early and uncensored access to NSFW art, and you've never said anything to your subscribers about your focus permanently shifting to predominantly be anime. So far in 2024, not including previews for or commissions, you've published 2 BTS art posts and 8 of the anime characters on patreon. In the position I'm in, it just doesn't make sense for me to be spending a monthly subscription fee on fan content that isn't something I follow or know anything about. So I guess what I'm asking is for confirmation that you will no longer be focusing on BTS art? Truly you are so talented, I genuinely do love your art in general, I just can't afford to spend monthly money on something that doesn't genuinely interest me, even if I wish I could stay subbed just to support an artist I admire.

Dude hey! It seems you put a lot of thought into this so I'll answer accordingly!

I know I haven't been as reliable as I wanted to be in the past few months and I apologise for that. I don't mean for this to sound like an excuse, but I did very much believe for things to be temporary. (I tremendously overexhausted myself with my degree and my health has been a bit shit since qwq) I overestimated myself and should have had more foresight and taken proper breaks with the payment cycles as well.

Now, as for the shift in fandoms, I have wanted to broaden my range of fandoms I produce art for for quite some time. I do still very much love BTS and the aus I made mean a lot to me still. But the fandom in general has sparked a lot less joy than it used to lately and I've gotten a bit bored drawing only them. BTS was already an uncommonly long obsession and while i wouldn't call it burn-out, I AM a bit singed. I haven't announced something like a permanent shift on my patreon or twitter because it isn't, I love to draw them still but my focus just isn't as singular as it was for the past few years.

I know that keeping multiple fandoms under a single hat on patreon isn't ideal, and I completely understand that patrons don't always vibe with that. So I do not take it personally AT ALL should they decide to leave. Honestly it makes me very grateful to see that this meant enough to you to contact me like this.

Jjk is currently the thing that interests me the most, but I did plan to return to the roots of doing bangtan ship polls again for next month!

You've definitely given me stuff to think about. I'll make an announcement in the next few days regarding future plans.

And finally, I'll plainly say that my focus on bts art won't return to the level of intensity it started out as for a good while. It will continue, but not as it was. As you said, it's good for an artist to draw not only for an audience and I won't ever force myself to do that either. But I should have been more transparent, maybe it really is time I overhaul my page to represent the current me.

Ok, enough serious waffling, Please Do Not Feel Bad for cancelling your subscription!! In fact I encourage it if it doesn't spark joy anymore!! Smutty patreon art is a luxury expense and shit is hard enough these days!! I pinky promise I will not be mad above some entirely impersonal mild annoyance that my monthly budget shall now encompass 3$ less :)

I hope I covered it all, if you want to ask me about anything else, feel free to dm me, I promise I won't bite. I should generally encourage more plain feedback on my page so if you have more notes, I'd love to hear them!

But for now that's all!

Love, Bee 🐝 💙

[neckromancy]

Not self ship related.

I've barely told anyone but I've decided to fuck it all and book my dream vacation.

I've been saving up since I was 19 to go to New Zealand. I am 31 now. I've had enough savings for a while and it has actually caused me so much financial distress to have so much money in my bank account; any financial benefit was forfeit despite being low income. I've saved hard with the little that I've always had. Only since a year ago I became more financially stable, although old habits die hard, I am still quite scarce in what I spend on food, living etc... I've always prioritized my dream vacation. The thing to keep going for, the reason to live, etc etc.

I've not booked my holiday because I had fear of going alone. I have autism and I get stressed out easily, and when I get stressed, I basically blank out, nothing makes sense anymore, and I basically go crazy (not in an angry way, but just a very upset way).

However, I've been grinding my gears so hard over this. None of my friends shared this dream and only in recent years it had come to light that some are interested. Issue is that they never saved up for it, and I honestly felt my heart dropp when they told me they would be ready no sooner than 2029.

A lot can happen in those years. They can lose interest, they can fail to bring up their savings, any of us can get cancer and die - YES this is literally where my mind goes. I genuinely often think about getting some terminal disease before I can go. I'll also be closer to 40, I am overweight, will I be as capable of going? It brings a lot of anxiety. Heck, what if my financial situation turns around again and I have to go back the way I lived before? My savings started draining VERY hard because I had to find out I cannot work fulltime and I had to eat away at my New Zealand money, watching my dream falter slowly, because any financial benefit... I was just not eligible for unless my savings would lower drastically.

So I've been thinking for a couple months now, more than half a year actually... about going alone after all. I've had so many talks in therapy, with fellow colleagues, just... people, about the situation, and honestly... I've cut the tie.

I'm going to New Zealand. I'm like ... crying over how much stress it is giving me, yet also joy. I've booked a trip and paid for the deposit. To pay for the rest I am still managing bank administration.

It's just giving me SO much stress though.

I've had to do the one thing I hate: install a banking app on my phone. It is the only way for me to do a payment above the 5k threshold, they literally won't let me do it through the browser (I tried, I called them, and I hate phone calls). I had to order a credit card because it is the only way to get my e-visum, along with accidentally uploading the wrong photo which means that I have to re-do it after they find the mistake in a few days, which I also needed to install an app for... gods!

I never wanted my phone to be involved with any financial things, but I suppose it's worth it for my dream vacation.

But here's the thing.

I did not tell the friends yet. The ones I'd go with. I am still too heartbroken by the 2029 shocker. I don't know how to tell them I'm going by myself, that I said "fuck it, 2024 is my year" and went ahead with it.

It's why I am posting about it on this blog and not my personal one, one of them follows me there.

I don't really know how to deal well with this. I'll first focus on getting my administration sorted, because god damn.

A cancellation insurance costs another 500 euros, and for what? The small chance I end up hospitalized and cannot go anymore? I have 6 more days to pick it up... but for now I am too stressed. It's just so much to do all of this by myself.

Oh, and the only reason I am capable of doing this alone is because I am taking a guided tour. No way I could do without, I have no driver's license or anything. The tour includes the flight, the hotels, the travel... it's nice. I just need to do a separate booking to visit Hobbiton, obviously I am going to Hobbiton. For that I also need to wait for my credit card...

I'll be so relieved when all administration is done.

[tangibletechnomancy]

The thing about AI art is, it is easier than conventional art, but it's also not. Like any other art form, it has an infinitely high skill ceiling. It is entirely possible to spend just as much time and effort on an AI-created piece as it would take to produce a visually identical conventional one; it just involves a different skill set. However, the skill floor - the minimum amount of skill required to create something a layperson will find visually appealing - is lower.

And I want to make something crystal clear: as much as I bitch about reckless and malicious use of AI art, I do not believe that taking advantage of that lowered skill floor to make something pretty inherently counts as malicious. It's the factor that enables a lot of that malice, but on its own, I wholeheartedly believe that it's not even just neutral, but a good thing - which makes it all the MORE offensive how it's abused by some really loud and obnoxious voices.

Art is possibly the #1 reason I could never be a capitalist - because art is a "phantom need"; while not as urgent of one, it IS a human need as real as food, water, and shelter. It's about communication, expression, being able to look at something and go "oh, I was here", and all kinds of other things that...sound simultaneously as fundamentally necessary as they are, but also kind of pretentious when written out, because they've been devalued for so long in most English-speaking cultures (that good ol' Catholic guilt + Protestant work ethic and frugality gospel). Most people's mental health suffers drastically without it, even if they don't realize they're seeking it out or suffering without it. Art is even good for physical health - patients have better outcomes in hospitals that don't skimp on art and aesthetics. Art therapy is a very real thing that can save or extend lives; in fact Van Gogh's body of work can be seen as the prototype for art therapy - what makes his work so impactful to so many people isn't just the visual itself, but understanding that this brought a person the tiny scraps of joy and relief he needed to stay alive just a little longer. Lack of enrichment shortens people's lifespans. Art is one of the most universally human ways of getting that enrichment.

Something that lowers the skill floor to make nice art, or makes it attainable with a different skill set, makes that accessible to more people. When we step back a moment and theoretically remove it from capitalist bullshit, that is a wholly good thing with zero caveats and if you somehow disagree on any grounds other than "but we can only do that in theory", then, to be brutally honest: I don't trust you.

Unfortunately, yes, we CAN only do that in theory, so yes, that fact...gets abused. We're seeing it. It's not theoretical. Recall that the two reasons I'm here are 1) watching people's objections cross the line from complaining about those abuses to just plain dangerous reactionary neophobic gatekeeping reminiscent of when digital illustration's "danger" to physical art media was a hot-button issue (and look back now - turns out, just like I predicted then, physical media didn't die out; physical and digital painting and illustration can coexist peacefully!), and 2) wanting to do my part to embarrass the people who maliciously use the lowered skill floor to materially harm conventional artists and see that harm as a feature, not a bug, because so many non-artists, especially those with commercial products that need art, see art as a pretentious frivolity that doesn't deserve recognition or payment. (Trust me, I'm well aware, I've been dealing with them since I was 9 or so--)

But what I'm saying is...it's disgusting that those types even have the POWER to potentially be more than an annoyance in the first place, all because art - a "phantom need", one of the earliest things that defines us as humans, something we've used to communicate since before written language, something we handed down from parent to child in the Stone Age, is wrapped up in this exploitative system of people literally living and dying by what a bunch of rich clowns think. There's always going to be a conversation about the value of art as a form of expression attached to an artist, and the value of art as a part of collective culture detached from the artist; the fact that we have to complicate it with the additional aspect of monetary value in a system that declares that if you don't produce enough monetary value you deserve to die - it's bad enough that such a system exists in the first place, and it just gets messier and uglier when you ensnare art in it.

Thing is, it's natural to want recognition for your art - it is, after all, about expression, and a lot of the time that's about seeking connection. It's not natural to be put in a position where you might not be able to feed yourself, let alone your family, if you don't either get that recognition or give up on art completely for some other abusive undervalued job, and it is certainly not natural to be surrounded by people who think this is fair and just and you don't DESERVE to be able to keep yourself alive no matter how hard you work because either you're pretentious and lazy, or you're a sellout, depending on which side of the survivability line you land on.

Making it easier for people to Make Art is not, and will never be bad. Making it profitable for the people who think that art is for either lazy do-nothings or greedy sellouts to take over artists' work, however...to put it in less-than-academic terms...ew.

[easierreadthandone4711]

Days Off

"...but all I ever took away from therapy was a somewhat clearer understanding of how messed up I was." - John Moe, The Hilarious World of Depression

I had expectations for my days off. The work week didn't end badly, even though a co worker of mine left a nasty taste in my mouth after speaking poorly about my work ethic to another co worker. The work load was easy and I was able to get a lot of reading done.

The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls has me triggered and infuriated. I won't spoil books here but when I say the parents have me feeling some type of way...smh. Its been a great read though and I can safely say my oldest is also my literary twin.

I haven't mentioned her yet but I made a new friend here in Nantucket, she works with me currently and has been such a godsend for me. I'm not even sure she realizes how vital her taking me under her wing has been. For my first day off I woke up early with an optimistic attitude and ready to get things done. The front desk was finally having someone come fix the heater after days of freezing at night - while he was fixing I planned to go to the store to grab laundry necessities and food for the upcoming week. I would return and go to the gym, update my blog and get some studying done.

Ten AM came and went with no maintenance man in sight so I called the front desk and asked them if I needed to be here while he fixed it, they said no. I was only slightly annoyed that I was beginning my day later than I had planned but, shxt happens and I still had the whole day ahead of me so no big deal - nothing is fucked.

The prices out here are crazy and every grab off the shelves made me sick thinking about the total cost going up. Shockingly, the laundry items were cheaper than I expected and I was grateful for it. Typically, I don't purchase items like that at grocery stores, as the cost is much higher.

When I returned, the heater was fixed and I filled up my mini fridge. Things were moving swimmingly until I realized I did not have a working battery for one of my devices. I managed to find a store with a cheap one thankfully - but there those dollar signs were again. I do want to clarify that I am not in a pinching pennies situation, however, as a government employee, the shutdown would effect my paycheck and to make sure all will continue being taken care of, I've been extra cautious about spending.

Unfortunately, all of this pushed into what would have been my gym time and I moved onto the next items on the list that I needed to take care of. I cracked open a black berry cider, made some turkey sliders and popped open my work laptop to finish enrolling myself and my kiddos onto my insurance.

There it was, an email stating I owe a very unexpected amount to the travel card issued by work. I gathered all of the statement/payment records and the notebook where I keep track of all my purchases and payments.

**Side note - there's a store in Boston called Muji and it was like stationary heaven to me. Other writers get it. Pens, planners, and these notebooks that hit like butter to my brain and I just cannot get enough. I have about a dozen of their notebooks, I would have more but I gifted my children and a couple friends with one their own. Giving the gift of a space for their thoughts <3 Just to reiterate, Muji, in Boston, chefs kiss.

**continuing..

I realized that when I made the discovery of these notebooks, I transferred over my bills/finances from old spiral notebook of lesser quality. Best decision ever, or so I thought. Normally I make sure to copy all the past entries so that I have no need to refer back to the old books but for whatever reason I did not do that this time. I was shxt out of luck and I was not going to be able to cross check my records with theirs. Its fine, I assured myself, just another change in plans today, I am going to audit the bit myself from day one, starting from May 24th. The new notebook begins in August so I figured, easy peezy. All is well, nothing is fxcked and I'll figure it out.

I finished out May and June expenses and prepared myself to compare mine to theirs - except, when I went to do so, I see that the earliest payment was in early July and I paid a couple hundred short of the actual amount I should have paid. There it was, the beginning of my spiral.

What did I do? How did I miss that many expenses when I reviewed them in June? How could I be that stupid? This is basic fxcking math - you fuxcking idiot. There you going being the cause of your bullshxt again. What were you thinking?! I can only imagine what the rest of the months look like. You probably owe the whole amount and more you fxcking idiot. How do you expect to make the next move for the kids if you can't even get your fxcking math right?! Math they could do. You call yourself a mother. You're just one fxck up after the other. It sickening the way they deserve better and they ended up with you.

Writing this out is troublesome because I sound really mean to myself. Sounds like a lot but in that moment, the glimmer of light I had began the day with was gone and I was once again the worthless waste of space again that can't do anything right.

I made a payment towards the card, closed my laptop, shut the lights off and turned on a random movie on Netflix. I sank into my bed telling myself it was okay and I'd be able to figure this out, Afterall, I've been through much worse than this, right? The gentle voice that I'd been working on was backed into a corner, the winds from the spiral holding her down. Numbers and images of the kids swirling around, slapping her around and making sure she stayed down, quiet. No, you don't get to talk yourself up for this one, stupid. So fxcking undeserving. You have one job and you're failing.

The movie came and went, unamused, I clicked play for the next distraction to begin. Didn't make it to the gym, didn't read, didn't blog... more than half my day gone, wasted. It brought me even lower. A few silent tears made their way to my pillow case, in those moments I focused even harder on the movies. This shapeless, colorless, invisible feeling was pulling me down deeper and deeper.

A knock at the door came, it was my new friend. She said she wanted to check on me before going to her room. I hadn't mentioned to her how I was feeling but in that moment, it didn't matter how she knew, I was being pulled back up for air and I wasn't going to fight it. I explained a little bit about the email and my discovery. She said, "you hungry?" I said yes and she gave me 30 minutes to get ready.

Dinner was nice, we spoke about football and the food in front of us. We remained present in that moment and that allowed my gentler self to get up and say it once more, it's going to be okay.

Depression doesn't work that way though, does it? As the book calls us "saddies", y'all get it, the saddies get it.

I played trivia with my babies until I couldn't see my phone screen straight anymore and then I fell asleep, hard. I'm not sure what startled me up this morning but I knew it was going to be a day of convincing myself to get out of bed. Don't worry, I made it out - lucky for me, feeling my body fat rolling around in bed is enough to disgust myself and I got up to prep for the gym. But first, my coffee.

While sipping on my coffee and scrolling through the social scene, I ran into memory lane. A video of my oldest saying good bye to her little brother, it was the first day of kinder. From behind the camera, I ask her if she's going to miss her brother - its quick and easy to miss, but I spotted it just then. A breath in, glossy eyed and a clenched jaw you can barely see because her cheeks are so round, a breath out, she nods and says "yeah". Her little brother looks to her with puckered fish lips for a kiss and they say good bye. The video ends there but the memory continues to play out...hand in hand, we begin walking towards her classroom. I ask her if she's ready, her expression scrunches into her serious face and her hand goes a little tighter. "Yes." she says it with conviction. I ask her if she's nervous, the scrunch gets tighter, so does her little hand. "No." I said okay, and gave promises of a fun day. I knew she was nervous, I could see the battle being fought in her eyes. She fought hard to keep that courage on her face and I wasn't going to let her know that I knew it was all a facade. I would never let her know that she didn't really succeed in hiding her fears, she needed to know she won that battle so that she would feel ready to take on what was up ahead. I held my own tears back that day because I needed her to know that I knew she had everything she needed to win that day. My tears would singlehandedly ensure that we would both lose the inner battles.

There was no gym today. I gave myself some grace and rested from the battle I have been fighting for so long. The wars that go for years hit different you know? My babies are strong for me, and I have to be too, for them. So this entry is serving as evidence I did SOMETHING today, even if it was more for healing purposes than productivity.

[99corentine]

I'M ALIVE

My tumblr people, when I said 'Buying a house, will be gone for a few weeks', I massively underestimated how much time it would take me to get this place sorted (particularly as it's an older house with previous owners who didn't take the best care of it, so it needed a little TLC). It's a much happier house now.

I've now spruced up most, if not all of it, which means I'm in a position to start writing again. It's still going to be a while until the next GHD chapter, but just letting you know I haven't disappeared into the aether.

Oh and thank you very much to everyone who's created fanart despite my absence! I'll have a look through all of it and start reblogging over the next few days ^-^

Also if any of you are yet to buy houses, I have learned the following in my efforts:

Make sure you have savings (HEFTY savings) because as well as your first mortgage payment + all the little fees that miraculously appear right at the end... there is just so. Much. Stuff. That you need when you move. I am so unbelievably lucky that I had money leftover after the sale went through (spoiler: I have a lot less money now...)

Charity shops are amazing for picking up furniture on the cheap, as is eBay and the like. You will wonder why anyone pays full price for new furniture, especially the big stuff like sofas

However DO NOT buy flat pack furniture second hand on eBay unless it's from an actual furniture company that does refurbished or whatever. If you buy it from a seller, as in the IKEA wardrobe that's been sat in their bedroom, it will be crap. It'll have a sag or a lean to it and none of the assembly holes will line up anymore. You will spend 7+ hours (yes...) assembling a wardrobe, only to realise at the end that the doors hang at an angle and there is nothing you can do to fix it

If the previous owners offer to chuck in a washing machine/dishwasher/whatever, decline. My sellers were like 'You can have our washing machine for £45' and I was like 'That's cheap for a washing machine, even if it's an old model it'll tide me over until I buy something new'. Friends. This washing machine smelled worse than anything I have ever smelled, and it worked exactly twice before it broke and filled with opaque grey water. You bet your ass the sellers knew that when they offered it me and just couldn't be bothered getting rid of it. I basically paid £45 for the privilege of paying someone else £20 to take it away when my hastily-bought new washing machine turned up. Never buy someone's old appliances. I should have known from how the sellers treated the house that they wouldn't treat me any better

Where you have cheaped out with furniture and the like, spend on the permanent stuff like floors. I got a fancy wool carpet and it is the sexiest thing. I could sleep on this carpet it's so comfortable, I practically bounce from room to room.

Anyway that's about it from me. How have you all been?

[francesderwent]

Babes if you're open to it - probably the adult thing I struggle with the most is budgeting so any advice would be helpful 💖💖💖

this is probably going to be my least helpful answer, because my success in money matters has very little to do with budgeting and much more to do with being viscerally terrified, on a cellular level, to spend money. I would not recommend it as a strategy, because it is disordered. however, the terror was premised on having such a small income that I was technically far enough below the poverty line to qualify for government assistance soooooo maybe it was warranted.

here is all I know:

what money do you absolutely need for rent/car payment/loan payment? set that money mentally aside. you do not have it. you do not see it. you are looking away.

the money I need for gas (now that I have a car) or public transit (when I was using the bus/metro) I neither budget nor set aside ahead of time, because I've always been bad at predicting how much I'll actually need and I'm also bad at curbing my excursions. I just pay for what I need when I need it, and feel vaguely guilty when I use up a tank of gas or a metro card more quickly than usual. this is not recommended, it is just what I do.

set a limit for Expensive Treats like buying a fancy coffee drink or getting lunch out which is slightly less than you would naturally tend towards, so that it's doable. when I lived in the city I went by the rule of only buying lunch out once a week, and the rest of the week I either schlepped home for lunch or I brought a lunchbox. (I don't remember how much coffee I bought, because it was in a haze of caffeine addiction.) if you tell yourself "NEVER go out" then I think you end up caving and going out anyway more often than if you set yourself a goal.

if you can, go nuts on Inexpensive Treats For Home. it's way more budget friendly to have a dozen different boxes of fancy tea and really nice ground coffee at home than it is to be buying fancy drinks out all the time. buy a big bag of candy! they're pretty cheap, and they work for me as a substitute for love basically anything! don't not buy snacks for home when you'll just end up buying them when you're out and about! make your home space as homey and full of comfort as you can, because it is always more expensive to find your comforts in the public square

speaking of which. I don't know if you drink, but when possible, try not to drink alcohol out. I am a life-long chooser of food over drink just because I happen to like food better, but also. if you're meeting friends at a bar after class, and you order an appetizer instead of a drink, it'll probably be cheaper, and meanwhile everyone around you will get hungry and end up ordering drink and food. alcohol out is like a once-a-month treat, if that. it is so expensive!!! having friends over and buying a whole bottle of something is more manageable

I always counted Special Purchases like books or clothes as kind of coming out of my food budget? like, "I went to the used bookstore this week, so next week I won't buy coffee" or something. this is probably an inhuman approach. but it worked better than setting an imaginary dollar limit on how much I could spend on...miscellaneous...because miscellaneous is really hard to predict.

the one year of my life that I consistently spent money on Experiences, I had to call home and ask my dad for money because I ran out, so I have no advice there :( I am too poor for experiences

I said it would be unhelpful and it probably was!!! sorry!!!!!!

[palaceofpassion]

(Human MLP AU) Rarity needs help in her job so she asks Twilight to help her. However she unfortunately is busy so she sends Spike to help. Things are akward after what happened at the truth or dare. However he shows that he can be very helpful and is someone who makes sure to give it his all even if that isn't enough. Could even see Rarity deciding to reward Spike for the assistance. However Spike doesn't need it since he just wanted to help someone in need and wasn't looking for payment. Whether she still takes him out shopping for some clothes for him or not that depends on you.

"Spike Darling, I must say! You are quite proficient at this!"

Rarity was initially hesitant when Spike showed up, saying that he was taking Twilight's place to help her with her overdue work. Not only did she still have that nagging feeling in the back of her head, she wasn't sure she could trust him with more delicate tasks, or to do the simple moving of items that could break.

But as it would have it, he was a far more efficient worker than any of her friends, or her own sister! He worked with such speed, that not only was she already done, but she'd even managed to finish quite a bit of extra work on the side as well. The most interesting part?

The tingling feeling hadn't been there at all while they'd been working. Mayhaps keeping him busy was the answer? Though that would only solve the issue on a small basis. Regardless, she felt she owed him, and as remise as she was to spend too much time in his company. 'That was a rather rude thought...' She did think he deserved something.

"Spike."

His head swiveled slightly, "Yes Rarity?"

"It would seem I am once again in your debt. It would do me no well to not repay you."

He gave her the strangest of looks, as if she was speaking another language all together! "Rarity, I'm not doing this for payment, you don't owe me anything. I just like helping people." 'It makes me feel like I have some use.' "So it's alright, and... and I'm not dumb. I know that everyone's uncomfortable with me. So yeah, it's alright."

When he smiled she felt a warm fuzzy feeling in her belly, but that was quickly overshadowed by a sense of remorse. "Spike, dar...darling, I'm sure that no one means any harm." She didn't, evne if she felt bad about it now... but... she couldn't really argue with the fact that she had been actively avoiding him.

"I know... I know, I don't blame anyone. It's just the way it is." He took a breath as he placed down one last piece of material, "It's alright. I appreciate it. If you want to help though, help Twilight get out more. She needs to spend less time studying. Anyways, I'm going to head out now, take care."

She was left speechless as the young man simply waltzed out. Usually... people wanted things from rarity, and those were usually things. She'd seen the way he'd looked at her during the dance, as hard as it was. So... it was oddly surprising. 'Quite the gentleman... though I do wonder what's wrong.' She wanted to get to the bottom of this now. No one should be that lonely.

[booitsash]

4.11

On Wednesday (4.10.24) morning, I dreamt of the place I lived in 2017 with my mother and the evil lady lord with her family. It triggered me so much that my mom wanted me to move back to that house and have people share with us while she wanted me to take the garage room. I was terrified from that room ever since I saw a rat on the ceiling and every piece of furniture made me feel comfortable.

Back in 2017, my aunt left to go to Vietnam, we needed to find a place to live because we wouldn't be able to afford the monthly payment. I was pausing on work for only a few months and realized that poverty was real and it hit me. I realized I wasn't the type of child who could afford not to work because I needed to make money to live comfortably. I couldn't think of anything else at that moment but to study hard and work hard. I pushed myself so hard that I would take class from 7-12pm and work from 1-6pm and had to spend another 6 hours to study. It would takes 2 hours to commute. Thus, I would only have less than 4 hours to sleep per night since I have to wake up at 5:30am to get ready and head out by 6am. We endured it for almost 7 months and it was the first time in my life I had to beg someone for help. I asked my aunt and came to her crying to move back with us. She took me back and even though we lived with a grandmother, she wasn't mean to me. I never dealt with someone who talk down like I'm dumb and shit on my pride even though they barely know me.

Even though I blamed my aunt, she was the person I thought I could run to. When I was in such a tough situation and hit with another financial crisis, I thought I could run to her again. However, this time I couldn't. She chose to turn her back and I had to gather all of my strength to go through it. The events really made it difficult to continue with school but I made it. I graduated with an engineering degree and two associates in mathematics and physics.

Life may not turn out the way I want but it is still better than the miserable events I've experienced. I thought it would be better, but I know it shall be if I am determined. I'm going to get what I deserve and what belongs to me.

[kittenzeke]

I am just trying to think about and plan my weekend. I wanted to pay rent/utilities as soon as SSI hit, but I have to wait until the 1st because the post card statement that tells me how much to pay is lagging.

This is annoying because I have more peace of mind spending any amount of money after bills are out of the way. The sooner I pay, the sooner I can call my new case worker and let them know that is accomplished. (My original one retired.) I was supposed to reach out anyway. It's been a long time. Oh well.

I might call my grandpa in a little bit and ask if I can do laundry at his house. I have to see if they're still doing work on the parking lot where I live, though. I don't want to haul my laundry all the way to the entrance. Furthermore, if the cones are still blocking where he'd park, it would be harder to bring my laundry back upstairs, plus anything else.

I wanted him to take me to the dollar store and Sprouts for some light shopping too. Those places aren't far from his house.

I still feel guilty asking him for anything even though he's doing well for someone in his situation. (He doesn't seem to be suffering over his toe he had amputated, at least.)

I don't know what else to do, though. I don't think any friends feel like dropping everything to help me with these tasks.

There is a lilac bush out front in between his yard and his neighbors' yard. While I'm there, I want to harvest a few heads of flowers and use them in lemonade. I hope the dollar store has a pitcher and new ice cube trays. The ice cube trays I bought when I first moved in here have already fallen apart.

Aside from the items I need for lemonade, I was hoping to find socks, a new tooth brush, sponges, composition notebooks, and some more disinfectant spray at the dollar store. There's probably more I'm forgetting.

I am not sure what all I should get from Sprouts besides the lemons. Maybe some more lion's mane mushrooms and tulsi tea. I have a big list of ingredients for meals I'd like to make, however, I am struggling with meal planning/executive function and Sprouts is expensive.

That being said, I would be willing to buy some blue corn flour anywhere I can find it. I'd rather not order it. They didn't have any last time I went to Trader Joe's.

I want this particular flour in order to make tortillas, pizza crust, and anything else I can think of from scratch. I imagine my favorite tacos would taste better with home made tortillas and guacamole instead of the pre made kind I find in stores.

Speaking of food, I need to take a few minutes to call and recertify food stamps. Otherwise any and all spare money is going to food for a while. I don't know how long it's going to take for them to re-approve me if I don't manage to do this before some cutoff date.

My copy of "Anything That Moves" by Jamie Stewart from Rough Trade never came. I need to email them and explain soon is a good time to process my payment. Maybe they tried while my account was empty. :(

Speaking of ordering stuff online, Helix will get a reward if I buy from Gamersupps. I have been eyeing their energy powder for drinks for months now and it seems finally worth trying. It might save me some money that would normally go to energy drinks, kombucha, yerba mate, and coffee. I need some way of indulging my caffeine addiction that is cost effective.

As for how I will mix the powder, I *sort of* want the latest cup from them but I saw reports from customers of these cups cracking frequently. I can't justify spending that much on something that might break almost immediately. I like the art on the latest one a lot because it's the nurse from Poke'mon, though.

I am gonna have to look around Walgreen's for some sort of plain shaker cup or water bottle. That's gonna fuel me to collect a bunch of water proof stickers, though. I should be more careful about how I spend my time.

Anyways, if Gamersupps steps up and improves their cups, I will order more than just the mixings someday. Especially if they happen to feature more characters I like by then.

My only other concern is I don't know how every single ingredient will interact with my meds. It seems safe at first glance, but I plan to bring the container to my next pain management appointment and talk to him about it. It's part of their rules I have to show them all my pill bottles and any supplements I take.

[jovnie]

The king's arrogance | Namjoon

Summary

The King had knowledge on everything and one in his castle, however he knew nothing of the kingdom he ruled before him. That was till one day he left and found you a street merchant.

Words 5k

Namjoon king au! Reader civilian!

Warnings: fluff, cocky joon, medium amount of smut, mentions of parent death, creampie, oral ( female ), big-dick Joon, nonconsensual touches, creampie, rough sex, lot of plot. Very quick relationship.

I beg that you listen to The mary go round from the moving castle [ slowed ] when reading. I think you'll enjoy it even more with it in the background.

Namjoon sat on the throne, laid back and legs spread apart as a servant read him his to-do list for today.

"Well sir, today starts the month planning of the ball. We have a few colors I'm sure you'll enjoy, however, I'm sorry to inform you that the family members that shouldn't be named threatened third way onto the guest list" the man spoke in fear, nodding and sighing namjoon dismissed the servant with talks of the guest later.

"Mrs. Pot is the tea almost ready?" He asked kindly as the elder Korean lady nodded with a bright smile. Smiling softly, the older lady pinched his cheeks softly.

"I still remember when you were a baby and your late parents running you from tea session to tea session. Oh, how I'm sure you miss them as much as I " her smile faded, as she poured the tea on the table in front of him.

"I do, it's been 18 years now. Since I was 10 I believe, so right 18 years. I'm sure they would've loved to taste this freshly poured tea once again" he reassured, rubbing her back and once done taking a sip with her.

"I'll make sure to clean the alter table later and pour some tea with them" she smiled delicately, as took a drink of her tea.

That was right this year would make it the 18th anniversary of his parent's passing ever since the flood. It was heartbreaking, as his eyes dimmed in sadness the older lady pinched his cheek as he smiled with a tear down his cheek.

"Now don't go soft on me Namjoon, you have to stay strong for those who can't and I know it all hurts. But they'll be watching you like garden spirits. I know your mother is very proud and your father knowing how much a man and a king you have become. Now I have to go, it's time for me to go tend the gardens. Goodbye joonie" she waved, after collecting the empty teacups snd pots. Watching her wheel everything away, namjoon felt comforted by her words and took a deep breath before getting up and moving on with his day.

He spent the day testing and looking at fabrics, color swatches, and paper samples. The ball, gala, or celebration was very important for the kingdom. They only three one when it was important and this time it was a celebration of life once lived aka his parent's death date. September 4th. This day celebrated life and death, just like fall. He loved the metaphor behind it and hated how true love ended so quickly in his eyes. However he too wishes to be able to die with the one he loved dearly by his side, he hated how romantic it sounded and how bad he wanted it. Love wasn't an easy game and not once could he find someone who commented with him in a deep, if not spiritual way.

Itching the back of his head, he walked on and into his room. He had another busy schedule ahead of him. Sometimes he just wished he could live amongst the people for a day. That's what he'll do. Looking around for his leather satchel, he put together what he called a commoners bag. A bag that contained money, an id, and a diary. Looking around for clothes that seemed passable for a commoner and changed into them. From there he grabbed his stuff and snuck his way out of the Castle through the bag. He made sure Mrs. Pot knew where he was just in case this would get him in trouble. After all, the family would show up unexpectedly most of the time and he had people watch his every move as well.

Making sure his hat covered all of his hair, he walked into the street lights and found a carriage ride who was going home or into the city. He paid the guy and let him into the buggy and the city.

Namjoon did this for a weak till he knew the ropes of running out of the kingdom St night, he tried his best to avoid getting caught with the knight guards and the pesticide workers who showed nd yelled deals in his face. He also learned patience along with that, another valuable lesson needed as a king or so he was taught.

One night he went into a low-lit bar with entertainers. Majory we're female and drove the men in the room wild. He's had his fee share of women, but not when it came to this level. He found it charming and often sent gifts to them for their hard work. From the kingdom's guards and not him personally. Still, he ordered rice wine snd some jerky, before leaving. leaving a lady much shorter than him, bumped into his shoulder.

"Guards there's the thrift!" A younger woman pointed, as the men ran after her. Wanting to know what was up, he walked up to the merchant and simply asked. You explained that the woman was a theft, they would steal all her family food at night to make their profit.

"I'm sure you can be more um what are these?" He asked, picking up the food he's never seen before.

"Fruit?" You questioned grabbing the lemon out of his hand. "Well shops closed sir, come back tomorrow and you can buy our lovely fruit," you said kindly, walking up the stairs in this wooden place. Following you, namjoon closed the door behind and also walked up. Namjoon didn't know much manners, but he had the basics for a king. However, to a common person like you, he was a pest, rude, etc.

"Um, what are you doing?" you asked folding sheets for your bed up.

"It's nighttime aren't you gonna ask me to stay and wait till morning?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I supposed. By the way, there's a futon bed over there. I'll make dinner soon then!" you welcomed, as namjoon looked ok confusion at what the blanket on the floor was trying to imitate. Taking off his shoes, he placed his bag on the 'futon' and hung his jacket and hat on the hanger by the door.

Arriving back you blushed hard, as a beautiful looking man was now clear in your view. Luckily for namjoon, you had no money to spend on papers like everyone else or let alone money to go to the balls either. Therefore you had no clue that this man was a noble, let alone the king. If you did you would've just died at how you just treated him.

"It's beef and seaweed soup, with carrots and onions" you listed off as you placed the bowl on the floor diner table. Placing a spoon and a napkin on the side, you forgot the drink. Walking away you grabbed him a cup and poured lemonade in, before walking back. On your arrival, you saw him going to town on the meal. He slurped and moaned as he complimented your cooking. Chuckling, you sat the glass of lemonade down and took the napkin to wipe his chin and cheek. Placing it down, you watched him continue and enjoy it. Although there was only enough for his, you still had something to eat. You simply had bread and butter with some lemonade as well.

It took him a bit to notice you didn't have a bowl which made him feel a bit guilty but instead handed her 30 ₩ which was a lot during that time. Not wanting to take it, he "accidentally " dropped it down your bra and smiled.

"Well it's late, we should sleep and then go out to shop for food and new clothes" the man spoke.

"I'm sorry but I don't know you, how do I not know you're not trying to kidnap me or steal or worse kill me!" You mentioned as the older man stripped off his shirt.

"You don't have to, just know ill help you and accept the gift" he spoke, pitting his clothes beside him.

"Excuse you, you don't come in someone's house and act like this. Do you even have manners?" You added in frustration.

"I paid you, it wasn't a gift. It was a payment and I can tell you've never gotten one" he snickered, laying on the futon snd taking your cover. Annoyed at the man, you crossed your arm as he mouth "you have a problem?"

"Yes, I do! What's your name to begin with?" You asked, laughing it off he closed his eyes.

"Surprised you don't know and it'll stay like that for a bit darling" he whispered, moving over he patted next to him. "Sleep with me"

"No! I don't sleep with strangers like that, unlike you I have honor " you mentioned, getting up to go change into something appropriate for bed. Once done, you came back and he was still in the same position as before.

"I think I demanded that. besides I can ruin this little shop of yours if you don't. " he threatened, looking at his nails snd then at her. Well dressed and groomed man, you could visibly see the power he likely had. This was your mother's business and you promised her you would take care of it. Saddened you laid down next to him and whispered "please don't, this is all I have left."

"So we're on the same page I believe, no?" He asked, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Yes," he replied. She felt uncomfortable and annoyed at the fact she had to do this for a business. Let alone a man, then again the men weren't always so kind to the women here, most always. She sighed and just accepted it, as he covered the two up.

"Call me Joon, " be whispered in your ear. Nodding, his hands traveled up and down your wist. Coughing, he halted then stopped after finding a comfy place to lay his hand.

"Do you do this with every woman?" You asked, curious.

"Well the last time I had a woman in my arms, she tried to advance me in marriage" he mentioned, putting his neck in-between your shoulder and neck.

"I do however have experience If that's what your aim is?" He said softly.

"Not really, I mean if a stranger just threatened your job and made you do this. Along with inappropriate touching for people who just met, I'd believe you'd be the class below poverty. Not a king not noble" you told, unexpectedly holding his arm between your breast.

Noticing, namjoon's cheeks flushed red. Luckily the lantern. Was behind him and not in front, so she couldn't see. "Toché" he replied.

"However I can see you've had a bad experience with men hmm?" He asked, softly brushing his nose on her neck.

"So you're not around here I see, well yes every guy here is just shit. Rude snd ignorant as you" you huffed, as raised an eyebrow.

"I'll give you that, feminist huh. Cute, haven't met one till you" he smiled, intrigued. "It seems like I've violated it huh, touching you snd acting sloppy" he added, moving your hair out your face.

"Glad you noticed, now turn the candle out!" you demanded, closing your eyes. Doing just that, he then wrapped his leg around you snd kissed your cheek.

"Good night"

Morning came, as the two of you laid there comfortable in each other's embrace. With him being the first to wake up, he tapped your shoulder and you woke up soonly after him. Yawing and stretching, you made sure your hand hit him on purpose.

"Sorry," you said coy, as he rolled his eyes up and shrugged it off.

"So when's breakfast?" He asked, getting up as you realized he had just worn cotton briefs. One's that we're expensive and that added more mystery to him. Why was someone who could've been from a noble family be here and threatened for his stay? Then the thought of maybe it's all stolen.

"The time?" He asked waving his hands over your face as you realized you had zoned out.

"Sorry, we have to go get food and we can buy food at the square." You mentioned.

"Where's the bathroom?" He asked, you pointed to the medium-sized room across from him. The place was small and combined, so you could see the kitchen from the bed area and a mini living room. Nodding off he grabbed his clothes snd began using the pump to pump water into the bath.

"Don't use all the water!" You yelled.

"I can and make you join me" he yelled back, smirking.

"No ill make you get more water from the lake behind here" you replied, itching your hair.

"Don't you have to get more water anyways, less work" he mentioned, leaving the door open and sitting in the tub? This man was quite weird when it came to flirting, it somewhat seemed motherly and innocent. However on the other hand, overly sexual and mysterious.

"Fine" you huffed, striping and walking towards the tub. That's when that harsh look he had softened and turned into a stare. There you were in front of him, naked snd he took every moment to vies your body. He saw how thick your hair was and how curvy your body was. He liked that, he paid attention to how big your breast was and the fact it looked like you haven't trimmed in a week. Which meant you looked old enough for him to do special things with.

"How old are you?" he questioned.

"I love how you did all of this without asking' she rolled her eyes, trying to muster a pony 0tail with the length and thickness of her hair.

"Turning 20 next month!" she replied excitedly.

"28 next month as well" he replied, breathing out the air he had subconsciously kept in. Getting in, she sat in front of him, covering her chest with her knees.

"I can still see you!" he laughed, grabbing the soap from the tray. Washing his body first, he took his hands and spread her legs open and washed below and around her arms and chest.

"Open," he said, waiting. Opening your arms you rolled your eyes and he splashed you with water. "Manners young lady " he mentioned. Knowing he's right, you sighed. Your father once told you the same when he was alive and because of that "Joon" reminded you of your father a bit. He acted mature and young simultaneously.

Washing your arms and your thighs, you washed off the soap on his neck and took the plug out to drain the dirty water. Placing the soap down, he spread his legs open and you accidentally saw something you shouldn't have. Frightened and embraced, you blushed. Taking his hand and pushing your gaze to meet his. He smiled softly.

"It's fine, just don't get too threatened by it. I'm aware of the size," he mentioned, looking you in your eyes. Nodding, you this time pumped the water until it was all out. Cleaning the both of you, you couldn't help but feel shy snd flustered. He felt the same, only he knew how to hide it. But not everything he knew or wanted to hide.

He looked in your eyes, noticing a soft dismal look on you to which he replied with "tell me are you okay?" Thankful for the concern, you told him about your parents passing and the shop's importance to you was. He understood automatically and exchanged his parent's passing in less detail. He didn't think he'd meet with someone with such a familiar background as his, even if they were below Noble.

He took her hand and placed it on her chest. "They're here, I'm sure your mother would be proud of how you came out to be. So leave it at that" he smiles wildly, with his eyes closing shut a bit as he did. You were glad to hear that and he never thought that Mrs.pot's comfort would come in handy, but he's glad to say and share a similar message.

"Speaking of do you have an altar?" He asked gently, unplugging the water and helping you stand up. Nodding you pointed out the door to a small corner. He thanked you and grabbed both of you a towel. Getting dried and dressed you did your hair as he went over to pay the slightest respects. Smiling at how kind the gesture was, you walked over to the rack and tripped over your foot trying to hand him his stuff. You saw a journal fall out and your eyes met his.

"You're a journalist?" You questioned, fixing your dress and hair before getting up and handing his stuff.

"Yeah, not from here tho," he lied, dusting dirt from your shoulder. Nodding you both made your way down the stairs, as he took your hand. Noticing it, you smiled. You wondered why he was being nice to you all of the sudden, however, that all changed when a guard walked past by and he brought you to a kiss. Confused and his eyes waiting for them to go, you kissed back hesitantly. Letting go, you looked at him worried he shrugged it off and you walked him to the square.

Hand in Hand, you brought namjoon to the bakery. Looking around, he pointed out the most expensive bread on hand and paid. Thanking him, he leads your hand to the vendors outside. Lucky for you, he knew about gardening and what was good. He helped and taught you the basics snd you learned you've been scammed for years. Thanking him, you took him to a cart of flowers and smelled the fresh roses, looking up at him. He paid for the golden yellow rose bouquet. Now it was for his favorite part of the day, clothes shopping. But beforehand, he pulled you into a cafe.

"Two bags of your finest coffee," namjoon ordered, by now you shouldn't have been shocked at how much he could spend. But seeing him use more money than you've sent your entire life was a sight to see snd each time you were thankful. You had enough food and supplies to last week if not a month. Holding you close by him, you realized you warmed up to him and small gestures like that felt comforting to you. He noticed and did it more often.

Soon it was night and there was only, one dress store open. In there was a beige dress that sparkled in the shop's lights. Running to the window to look, you smiled. Feeling a hand on your back, he took a step in and pulled your hand in with him.

"Welcome to Gezels tailor and shop" the owner greeted. He was an older man with gray hair a fragile smile.

"Well take that dress in the window snd tailor it to her size. His much is it?" Namjoon asked, pulling his wallet for the last time today.

"₩ 10,000" the man spoke, paying upfront the older man invited you to the back room and told namjoon to stay upfront. Nodding, you walked ahead and namjoon sat in the chair. He had a diary to write about today's and yesterday's adventures. He started up about the bathtub time you shared snd imagined your body once again. If only he knew his to draw, he'd paint a pretty picture in the book. Soon after finishing his entry, you walked out with a note.

Note: the dress will be ready for you miss before dusk, come back tomorrow with your lover -Gezel tailor and shop

You handed it to namjoon and he read it, as the two walked out. Suddenly loud commotions of horses snd guards ran through the city with lights.

"The king's missing!" The horseman yelled into the square. Namjoon in a panic rushed you two into the forest nearby. Confused, but following him. You wondered if he had something to do with it, besides this wasn't the first time he ran away from the guards today.

"They can't find me or ill be in trouble, act like a lover, please. I'll pay you in gold when I can" he begged on his knees with his hat on his chest.

"Don't pay me, think of it as a token of my gratitude. I'll help, but you have to explain everything when we get back," you murmured, taking his hands and helping him out the dirt. Making you drop the food and his bag.

Suddenly, he gripped your body and jumped both of you in a lake as he heard the sounds of horses clamping. A sound you didn't even hear. Holding your head under the water, he waited for the light of the torch to leave the lake area before swimming the two of you up.

Taking deep breaths of air, the two of you swam to the doc snd he helped you up first before himself. Luckily, the food wasn't damaged. Frustrated, you grabbed the food and his bag as you walked home. Walking in, you kept the lights off snd went to the second floor.

Stripping you of your clothes snd placing the bags down, you watched him do the same. Forgetting you had to pump the water, he suggested he'd go do it and you nodded giving him directions snd within 30minutes he was done. Striping once again, he hugged your body to his chest. You soon felt tears on your neck and small crys, you rubbed his back snd just stood there till he let go.

"What's wrong?'" You asked concerned.

"I could've killed you!" he cried, remembering the look his mother gave him before dying in his arm. His father did the same thing to his mother, only on a ship in the middle of the sea. Hugging him, you rubbed his back and placed a kiss on his lips. Holding you to his chest, kissed you back, and laid back so your bare body laid on his.

"Let's wait to shower" he suggested, kissing your neck. Nodding your head no, he flipped you over on your stomach softly and trapped your legs with his. "Please?' He asked, leaning down on your level on the floor snd holding your chest in his hand. Agreeing, knowing what's about to happen you loosened up snd he turned you on your back.

His hands ran around your chest and thighs, leaning down to kiss your naked body as a slight moan came out. From there, he moved his lips to your mouth and softly moved yours to his hair. Taking note, you ran his fingers through his dark brown ones as the two of you danced with each other's tongue. Namjoon removed his lips snd traveled down south, gripping his hair in pleasure you moaned grinding your hips. Meanwhile, he took in a natural aroma, one he found arousing. Moving his tongue around the bud, he softly kissed your thighs leaving bruises.

Looking at your head tilting back snd eyes closed with heavy to light breathing. He took his pointer finger snd rubed softly in circles, moving his body to tower you with one arm. Noticing the shift of best around your neck, you felt his warm breath move down your neck and by your ear.

"Let me tell you something darling, I'm not who I say I am" he kissed around your neck, papering it in kisses. Hearing you moan, made him aroused by the minute. However he knew it was time to go back to the castle, only he wasn't going empty-handed. As your hands rubbed his back, he whispered "I'm Namjoon, they're looking for me, darling. Tonight the last night I can spend here so let's make it count" in a raspy tone.

In shock, he gave you a minute to calm down as he could hear your heart. "I'm sorry" he apologized.

"No need, but for whatever this may be for you. Just know I haven't done anything like this with anyone," you admitted. Humming he moved to the other ear and whispered "I like that, just know it will hurt after a few minutes snd then feel better or the pain could feel good!" he warned. Taking his warning, he gently rubed you as got on his knees and opened your legs wide. Watching as he did, you noticed he was fully erected at this point and ready. You closed your eyes snd tensed your muscles as he began to simply grind his tip into you.

He was right there was pain, which caused you to bleed a bit. However, it was enjoyable without a doubt. Soon he was able to put 6/9 inches in as he trusted slowly. Moaning under him, he moved his in circles biting his lower lip as looked at your fuller lips and leaned over and wrapped your legs around his waist. After a few moments of waiting for you to adjust, you thought about today snd how it was so obvious he was the king snd yet it flee by.

As you moaned loud, his thrusts began to speed up snd the two of you could hear the sounds of his hips banging into yours snd your ass as he went faster.

"Ah, baby!" He grunted, grinding into you deeply as your hands rubed into his hair. Morning louder, his lips conceded back to yours as you held on snd then to your neck where you heard his heavy breathing. Your body was tightening around him, as he went in deeper now putting himself in. Not to mention you began to pool around him which gave him more speed in the end.

"Namjoon!" You moaned in his ear, holding his back tightly as your legs unwrapped snd opened wider for him. Cursing under his breath, he went harder as you began to arch your bag in pleasure. He held onto your back as your head went backs and the build of pleasure built up quickly.

you held onto his muscular shoulders while he moved you closer to him to go deeper. With that sending you over the edge, you screamed his name in pleasure as yours and his breathing began to match in heaviness. Shopping for a second, namjoon looked you in your eyes and thrust slowly as he was too close and it felt too good.

"In close, but I don't wanna cum yet" he grunted, thrusting deeply in and out.

"Then cum when you can't hold it!" You urged, outta breathe enjoying the depends. "I'm fine with children" you explained. Nodding, he continued and went harder this time.

His mouth roamed your chest, sucking and pulling on the bud as your back arched and mouth open in response. You this time, grinded back cgroundhim to jolt forward and start panting.

"Fuck don't do that unless you-" you interrupted doing it again. Pushing your legs back and open wide he started hammering into you as you began screaming in both pleasure and slight pain. You scratched his back and he immediately let go of your thighs snd pushed your hands back. As your body began to shake under him, he went faster as his chest heaved in breathing and yours became flushed with red. He started to let his enjoyment show more and tilted his head back with his eyes close as he went faster. He allowed the sounds of your whimpering snd moans to fulfill his urge as his balls smack your body hard causing a loud moan to come out from him.

Moving his hips to go at a slightly different angle than before, he noticed you started dripping more and more causing your heat to became more and more pleasurable on his end. He leaned down to your chest and held you as he began moaning in ecstasy as a thick load covered your walls in white.

Stoping and catching his breath, he mouthed something so simple but daring and that was simple.

"Don't leave me"

To which you replied softly. "I won't"

Soon the both of you gained the energy to get in the tub. There you two conversate on what it was like for him to be the king and all, what he planned on doing, and where he wanted to do next.

"Please come back to the castle with me tonight?" He begged, holding his hands with yours.

" I don't wanna be a drag" you looked down.

"You won't, I promise you'll enjoy your new life" he stated happily as ever.

"Namjoon don't you think it's too fast, we just met and all." You mentioned.

"Right, that is an undeniable truth. However, I know you felt the same way I did snd I know this isn't a fairy tale. But I truly feel like we could have a life" he spoke, holding your hands to his chest. Yes, that was true, you did believe in fate snd everything. But this was soon and so much.

"I'll go, but you have to let me have the ability to leave, " you said sadly, bring you to his chest he nodded and turned your body around in the tub.

From there you two did what was needed and packed a small bag of hygiene snd the coffee from earlier to go. You two had to walk back to the castle without being seen or heard at all. Which called for a few close times of being caught, from there he showed you a secrete gate entrance that led straight towards his room. From there, he tried his best to pick you up and take you to his room. there which Mrs. Pot sat praying

"I'm home and I brought a guest" he mentioned putting you down. As she recognized Mrs. Pot, she immediately went to hug her.

"It's been a while, my dear, I remember when you were both sized. I see you ran into the king, ah I knew he would've found you. I mean he's always had an eye on elegance and beauty" she mentioned embracing you tightly and pinching her cheek the same way she did with namjoon.

"I'll tell the guards your home" she looked at namjoon winking. Itching his head as he smiled, he turned to you and stripped naked again.

This time he leaned on the top of you again and you immediately kissed back. "It's a yes" you knew immediately as he took off your clothes once again that same night. Only this time, he focused on filling you up till he couldn't anymore.

"Fuck, this is amazing" he cursed, moving his hips harder as you who was behind sensitive began moaning his name louder and louder. Your legs opened wider and pools of arousal soaked the bed, making him lose control once more in you before pulling you close and moaning in your neck. Spilling once more, he simply uttered

"I love you"

"I love you too"