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forgeofthenine · 7 months

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Omg in the last few posts you were talking about heat as in temperature but my brain registered it as something COMPLETELY different and it got me thinking…

What if tieflings had some kind of a heat cycle and they get extra sensitive and desperate because of it?? I can imagine Zevlor and Rolan being super embarrassed or nervous to bring it up, maybe Dammon’s more chill about it but still extra needy

So, this has absolutely been a passing thought in my mind and as soon as this request came in I knew I just had to push it to the front of my request queue, purely for my own mental health lol

Gotta admit, I'm a fan of omegaverse dynamics and I actually looked a little into irl animal biology and mating behaviour to get a better feel for what I think tieflings would be the most like. So this has both general headcanons and some NSFW headcanons for the individual bachelors

You probably didn't expect quite this much (over a thousand words of tief content) when requesting but this had me in a chokehold, I hope everyone enjoys <3

TW: NSFW under the cut, very heavy breeding kink, overstimulation, alpha/omega adjacent dynamics

Tiefling NSFW heat and rut headcanons

General

So, I feel like once all tiefs reach sexual maturity they'll start to either have heats or ruts, depending on their biology

Anyone with female biology will have a heat, and I feel like they'd have heats similar to cats but with a slightly longer time between heats

So generally they'd have a heat every two to three months or so unless they're pregnant or have other health issues

For the ones with male biology they'd definitely have a rut

They'd follow similar patterns to the women, but it's not unusual for some tieflings to have longer stretches between their ruts if they don't have a partner

A single tiefling that isn't particularly sexually active might only go into rut once or twice a year

I do think a male tiefling could prematurely go into rut if exposed to a females heat, and couples that have been together for a while will sync up

They have pretty typical heat and rut behaviours with nesting, possessiveness, and a pretty undeniable breeding kink

Nesting, possessiveness, and general mood shifts tend to start setting in during pre-heats and pre-ruts

Pre-heats and pre-ruts can last two to five days, and a full heat and rut can last anywhere from two days to a full week depending on the individual

In saying that, having a partner can definitely shorten both heats and ruts, so single tieflings working through things by themselves will have longer heats or ruts

Heats and ruts can also become more painful the longer they go on without the relief of a sexual partner

Tieflings can tell when others are in heat and rut mostly through pheromones, but a female tieflings tail will also involuntarily lift when she's in pre-heat/heat and around a male

I wonder if I should go so far as to headcanon that they have knots, I did already give them all ridged dicks

Dammon

If you and Dammon aren't dating then he'll be much more shy about his ruts

He basically disappears from his forge and the public for a few days and then comes back as if nothing happened

Once you start dating him is when you find out why he pulls the disappearing act

Dammon is actually very open about it now you're both together and have already been intimate

Blushes slightly while trying to explain some of the more physical, primal aspects

Would flush even more if you tell him you find the whole thing incredibly attractive

The next time he has his rut, you're the only person allowed to see him, and he really is a sight

Naked and tangled in his sheets, all flushed and tense, undeniably hard as he palms himself while looking over at you

Even the way he strips you of your clothing is different, he just about rips it off you as he kisses and nips down your neck and chest

While Dammon is usually one to take his time with making you feel good when he's in rut the only thing on his mind is getting to cum

Though even in his hazy mind frame he still makes sure you're comfortable the whole time

Even a near sex crazed and highly hormonal Dammon is still a very caring partner

You know he's going to bend you in half as he fucks you, he just loves how good you look underneath him like that

Breeding kink go brrrr

This man always fucks like he's trying to breed you but it's off the charts when he's in rut

I hope you're ready to be fucked within an inch of your life because his refractory period ceases to exist

Absolutely watches as he pulls out of you and some of him cum leaks out because he's stuffed you so full

Dammon praises you so well too, you can not shut up this man and his dirty talk

"That's it gorgeous, you take my cock so well."

"You gonna make me a daddy, darling? 'm gonna knock you up, full you up with my cum."

Once his rut dies down enough, he'll scoop you up for a bath

There is no way you could stand after the way this man just wrecked you-

Dammon takes very good care of you, and then you do it all again the next day

Zevlor

Whether you're dating Zevlor or not, he's your personal wealth of knowledge on everything tiefling

So what do you do when a book you read mentions 'the times of year and conditions unique to tieflings' and doesn't explain it?

You go and find your favourite paladin

Zevlor is so embarrassed, dating or not, explaining to you how tiefling heats and ruts work

Can't even keep his eyes on you

When you two are dating and you realise you didn't see him at all yesterday, it's time to go hunting for the man

You have an idea of what might be going on but nothing prepares you for what you find

Much like Dammon, you find him tangled in his bed sheets desperately trying to get himself off

He lets out the sexiest groan when he sees you standing there

He's the gentlest of the three while working through his rut

Even then, Zevlor is noticeably rougher with you than usual

Has you in a missionary position, his whole body pressed to yours as he pants in your ear and thrusts into you

Zevlor can't keep his hands off you when he's in rut, they're all over your hips and chest and giving light tugs to your hair

He gives into the primal need to mark you too, it's the only time he'll give you hickeys

Breeding kink: the sequel

Absolutely tells you he's going to breed you, and fucks you like he means it

Doesn't even think as he uses his hands and tail to spread your legs so he can fuck you deeper

Zevlor loves to look at the way you tremble every time he fills you with cum, using his fingers to help you get off at the same time

Even while he's trying to find his own relief, he makes sure to make you cum so many times you end up overstimulated and about to cry from the pleasure

Definitely has you cockwarm him as the two of rest, the thought of you keeping his seed so deep in you until it takes just gets him going again

You'll know he's ready for another round when Zevlor starts grinding himself into you again

When the worst of his rut is over he gives you the best massages

Apologises so profusely too the first few times you help him through his rut, even if you tell him how much you like it

Rolan

There is no way Rolan is ever telling you anything about heats and ruts

Absolutely forbidd his siblings from mentioning it too, he's just way too embarrassed for you to know

Even when you guys are dating he just locks himself away in his tower for a week while he works through it and recovers

This man will not tell you anything

And then he forgets to lock the door

As soon as you open it you're met with the sight of a whiney, teary eyed Rolan trying to get off by grinding against a pillow in desperation

Unlike with the other two, there's no clear 'top' when you're with Rolan during his rut

He loves having you ride him until he sees stars just as much as he wants to bend you over his desk until everyone else in Ramaziths tower can hear you scream

Rolan loves hearing you when he's in rut

Yell his name, tell him that you belong to him, tell him how good he fucks you, say he looks so pretty when you ride him-

He loves all of it so much

He's also the one that bites you the hardest, expect him to draw at least a little bit of blood by accident

Breeding kink: the trilogy

Rolan isn't letting you leave the room unless he's knocked you up

Absolutely puts a fertility spell on you by brushing his hand over your lower belly and murmuring the words

He also refuses to pull out unless it's to change positions, and if any cum leaks out of you he'll push it back in with his fingers

Overstimulation is the name of the game with Rolan, he wants you both overstimulated and crying and completely fucked out

This man believes in equality and we love him for it

The youngest of the tiefling bachelors and definitely the most pent up, it'll take all day before he calms down enough for the two of you to rest

When things do calm down, after he makes sure you're both clean and fed, Rolan wraps you up with him in his bed and will read to you

It's his own personal flavour of aftercare, cuddling and reading your favourite book as he makes sure you're comfortable and happy

And it all starts over when you wake up the next morning with him hard as a rock against your ass

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stinmybubs · 1 month

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"I want you."

AN: Hi hi! I haven't ever really posted on tumblr because I'm so obsessed with reading lol, but I just decided to say fuck it and write wtv I think of.

18+!! Please be advised there will be mature content! Minors I cannot control you but DNI if you do see this, thank you so much!

AFAB! Reader! x Bakugo Katsuki

Bakugo is a hothead, we all know this as a fact. Getting close to him wasn't that easy, you found him a bit annoying because of his constant yelling every time someone tried to be nice to him.

You never considered Bakugo Katsuki as your type, maybe Kirishima, Midoriya, a little bit of Denki, hell Mina sure was up your alley. But the way you saw the hot headed boy changed a bit overtime, it was his calmness. He never really got out of line unless provoked or wanted to show off a bit. Which you found awfully cute.

It was the little things. Noticing how he treated those he kept around him, just the cute ways he'd refuse to make eye contact with people especially when he was embarrassed.

Sooner or later you found yourself staring at him more often, noticing how beautiful he was, yeah beautiful...but also how awfully hot he was. His biceps, chest, arms, legs, everything was just so ugh. The way he looked in tank tops just made you drool.

AN: Okay okay I'm getting off track of actual head cannons I am so sorry its been so long.

B Katsuki He notices how you stare, and cant say he hates the attention you give him, of course he loves it. He revels in it.

B Katsuki You never noticed, but he always kept an eye on you. Not only was he too afraid to speak to you but he knew you didn't see him in a good way. I mean you made it pretty obvious from the beginning and by the way you used to look at him. He was never too good at properly talking to someone. Especially people he liked. So he started with small things, trying to be calmer even though everything everyone said was stupid. He just wanted you to like him, but he didn't know if you ever will.

B Katsuki When he noticed the staring, his heart skipped. It made him nervous and he never knew where to look. But now, its time to show off even more knowing you're watching. He tried looking over from time to time to see your reaction to what he was doing, did you like it? But one time he saw you looking everywhere but his face and the smirk on his face when he found out...his ego inflated so much that day.

B Katsuki The worst part of trying to drop hints at Bakugo was hot but frustrating, the way you'd purposely bend over in his line of sight, or the way you'd purposely unbutton your shit whenever it was "hot." But the fucker never even looked your way or said anything.

B Katsuki Oh he noticed, he noticed your little tease. And how he longed to touch you. But what pissed him off about you doing this was how the other boys could see this, especially on one particular day.

Class 1-A decided to collectively work out together, especially try to motivate the non-athletic classmates. Your workout clothes weren't that different from the rest of the girls, a tank top and some work out shorts. You and the girls were kind of slacking off until Bakugo came over yelling for you guys to stop fooling around and actually work out or in his words. " Leave ya' takin up space." And with that the giggling was over.

"Ugh..." You groaned, leaning against a wall to regain your energy. You quickly grabbed the small towel you had resting on the bar while you were attempting to bench press, wiping the icky sweat from your forehead and chest.

"Eugh, water...need.." This time you weren't even attempting to be a tease, you just wanted some fucking water. You bend over to check the time on your phone, lowering your head with a hand on the wall, resting your eyes with a sigh.

"Ugh...we've been here for only 30min." You sigh, lifting yourself back up and stretching your back. Not realizing the fuming Katsuki staring at you.

"Oi' fuckers I didn't say you can stop workin' out!"

Bakugo yelled, noticing a handful of guys staring at you. Denki, mineta, Kirishima, and Sero. Now he's pissed.

AN: Uhhh, this turned out to be wayyyy more than headcannons. Safe to say that this is going to have a pt.2! Yay my first 2 parter! I cannot write long stories so :3 Oh! I am recently getting back into writing so I am very sorry if the grammar is horrid and the story sucks it was off the top of my head as I wrote, no pre-plan, no nothin. I am very sorry! But thank you for reading. <3

#bakugou katsuki #bakugou x reader #mha bakugou #bakugo katsuki #bakugou smut #mha x reader #mha headcanons #katsuki bakugo x reader #stinmybubswrites #katsuki #bakugou headcanons

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dnpbeats · 3 months

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drop the dan loving goblin phil essay rn

(in reference to my tag on this post)

OKAY SO! In BIG dan says this about phil: "And this is when, through the magic of the internet, I met Phil. And obviously we were more than friends but it was more than just romantic. This is someone that genuinely liked me. I trusted them. And for the first time since I was a tiny child, I actually felt safe. [...] Especially to anyone that has experienced the kind of self-hatred that I have dealt with, one person accepting you can make all the difference" (ty @goldenpinof for the transcript 🕺). Now obviously, this is in the context of dan being gay so for the most part he's referencing his sexuality here when he talks about being accepted, and I am not trying to undermine that at all. But I think that phil's acceptance of dan went deeper than just his sexuality (goblin Phil comes into this I promise lol).

dan also talks a bit in BIG about how he was nerdy and was bullied for that before he was bullied for being gay. He's also mentioned other times how being nerdy/geeky didn't use to be accepted. In the 4/13 stereo show, dan says: "Before YouTube, if you were a nerd, you felt like you weren't a valid member of society unless you were, like, captain of the football team or whatever. [...] Now, thanks to social media, it's like 'oh, okay, well if someone like Hank Green can exist, I'm fine.'" What's extra interesting about this example specifically is that dan is talking about representation in response to a fan prompting him to talk about queer representation in media. So like, yes the majority of dan's struggles in accepting himself were surrounding his sexuality, but I do also think there was a layer of being a nerdy kid at a time when it wasn't cool or fun that added onto him not accepting himself. And I do not think that that's completely separate from his nonacceptance of his sexuality.

So, what exactly does this have to do with dan expecting phil to be super debonair and then having those expectations shattered? But then still wanting phil, arguably even more than he did before? Well, I think that phil was (and is) unapologetically himself, and that was inspiring for dan to see. dan said in BIG that he didn't meet an out gay person until he was 18, so either that person was phil himself or he met phil shortly afterwards and phil was therefore one of the first out gay people dan knew. and we know from phil's coming out video that he wasn't ashamed of his sexuality at that time. but phil's acceptance of himself goes beyond his sexuality, like just look at his YouTube content at the time. he was doing experimental stuff that was weird as shit (I don't mean that in a bad way I like his old vids!). most people probably would not have the confidence or self-assurance to make the stuff he was making, let alone post it. and then, beyond that, he was just a nerdy guy himself! but it was something that he openly talked about online and we know he and dan bonded over video games/tv shows/etc.

And now let's think about this from dan's perspective. He's been watching this guy's videos forever. He's been talking to him online for the past couple of months, and while he was talking with phil (rather than "amazingphil"), I'm sure there was still that element of like "wow holy shit I can't believe I'm talking with amazingphil!" Hence why dan says in the mean girls video that he was expecting phil to be all "hi, I'm amazingphil! 😏" when they first met (also side note, when dan starts to make this joke phil starts doing it at the same time, so I'm sure this is a discussion they've had before lol). but Phil wasn't like that!!! he was all hunched over and awkward and dorky! because he was nervous!! BUT he wasn't ashamed of that. he wasn't trying to put on some AmazingPhil™ Smooth Operator Refined front. He was just himself. Unapologetically so. And for dan, I think that that meant so much in terms of accepting himself, but also feeling accepted. because how was he going to believe phil when he said "dan I love you for who you are" if phil was hiding himself around dan?

So yeah, I think that's why dan saw goblin phil, not amazingphil, and was still like "yeah I want to build my life with this person." Because for him, phil represented self-acceptance and being accepted and a safe place and someone who he could be on the same wavelength with and true unconditional love and someone he can geek out with and someone who will let him yap for an hour about whatever the hell dan has decided to talk about that day. of course he would like phil more than whatever version of amazingphil he had built up in his head. because phil loves dan for who he truly is and dan loves phil for who he truly is :)

#when I said essay I meant it 🤡#dan and phil #ask #spacedaisjes #dan howell #phil lester #d&p

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dontmixpaintinyourcoffee · 8 months

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My favorite Conduit Of The Horrors 🩵

Rambles and art stuff under the cut

I love thinking about the primary trio post-nmpd, and there have been some really cool headcanons floating around, and long story short I rewatched Yellow Jacket and I have some ideas in the works. I don't know if this is post-Yellow Jacket or in the middle of it or what, I'm not actually thinking that deep about it I'm just having fun lol. For reasons I needed to have a finalized design for Hannah soooo-

I managed to seriously screw myself over by deciding to try and draw 2 characters I adore that are played by four extremely different looking actors. It was frustrating, but interesting to try and pick out what I thought the most important features of each version was.

So like, for BF Hannah I just used Kendall Nicole as the reference, easy peasy. But aging her up was a bit of a juggle. Eventually I ended up kind of grafting Lauren's expressions onto her face shape, which I also referenced Angela Giarratana for. Just to get that familial connection in there. It really helps that they both have that distinct chiseled chin, it's really fun to draw and fairly easy to replicate. (Side note, Lauren has an incredible ability to suddenly look like a deer in the headlights out of nowhere. The nervous energy that rang through her performance as Hannah was amazing, and I couldn't get over how damn expressive her eyes were)

I was gonna have a more detailed drawing of Ethan in there, because I absolutely love their relationship, but I chickened out. I ended up basically just drawing Joey's version with slightly shorter hair that is longer on one side, like a half-mullet thing. This is partially to try and synthesize the two versions in my head aesthetically, but mostly it's to differentiate him from Pete. Pete is a little difficult too, I actually really like how Nick Lang played him and wanted to incorporate some features from there, but I decided to save it for another day because I was giving myself a headache. Honestly a lot of the stuff is just hair texture, cause one of the most defining traits for their designs in my head was the way their curly hair was styled. But at the same time Joey's current haircut is damn iconic and I love being able to swing it around for the drama Ghibli-style

#arachnophobia #arachnophobia tw #spider tw #spiders tw #hatchetfield #hatchetfield fanart #starkid #starkid fanart #yellow jacket #nightmare time 2 #nightmare time #black friday musical #hannah foster #ethan greene #coffeepaintart #wow there was a lot of jazz hands during that murder

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black-lake · 2 years

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astro observations 2

more observations today for ya? this time both signs and aspects. 🦊

Should I call it the Aquarius post? 🤔 I mentioned Aquarius too many times, sorry I relate too hard, bear with me.

Highlights: aquarius, MC, IC, sun, virgo, capricorn, gemini, sagittarius, jupiter, mercury, moon, scorpio, aries, uranus

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🦋 Aquarius placements especially sun, moon, mercury, mars, MC and ascendant are PROS at ignoring your texts until they want to answer. It's like they either consciously ignore your text to rebel against what others expect them to do and do exactly what they want at that time, or unconsciously rebel in the same way desiring complete "freedom". My bestie is aquarius sun and I'm aquarius MC, we answer each other's texts days or weeks later and are okay with it 💀 oh, the answer is also too irrelevant it makes you want to throw your phone at a wall yay 😻

🦋 Fire moon + fire/air mars and anger issues 🤝

🦋 Virgo moons, you had a critical mom or parental figure, you internalized her voice, you criticize without knowing. Your words can make someone self conscious even if you think it's innocent judgment 🥺 Your words can also make some's day because you are trusted! (applies to gemini moons and mercury too). Don’t take it for granted. Until you know how to use your judgment for good, with balance and kindness you become the warmest most looked up to friend.

🦋 Capricorn moons are such complex individuals, their trauma is unique to them, they can endure and have endured a LOT. They are extremely caring or deadly careless no in between. Keeping it professional is what they're good at. Each one I met is so much different than the other, they have similar but different stories, but they all have this grounded energy that can make them even seem heavy energetically. Once evolved, they can be the wisest people to talk to.

🦋 Aquarius MC individuals might have been too emotionally attached to their family at a young age, especially their mom (with leo 4th). They had so much passion and love for their mom and realized it wasn't equally reciprocated, they were manipulated (hits home). They also might have been jealous and needed the love and attention all on them, but they dgaf anymore. 😎 At a certain age, their family broke their trust and they became completely detached. They learned to be emotionally secure and set strong boundaries with people which shocked everyone. They stopped giving energy to their family or anyone else. They ran out of f*cks to give so soon.

🦋 Aquarius MC/IC they were and always will be seen as weird and different from their family and everyone else (hell I'm seen as controversial and questionable even when I sit still and do nothing). love that.

🦋 Also if you have Aquarius MC, IC or Ascendant check when saturn transits 4th or 10th or aspects the nodes/mc. This indicates the end of karmic cycles with your family related to your self concept and self expression. You will have a chance to break cycles and be more individualistic. It may be painful but hold on. 🥺

🦋 Gemini and Virgo ascendants can be introverted or extroverted, mostly introverted, unless they have planets in the 1st, much air or fire energy. They always have a way with words tho no matter what, and they always are nervous, their minds never shut down, they keep thinking and rethinking lol. These individuals break social norms, research and discuss topics much more profoundly than what has been done before. They have topics to talk about that were forgotten or not discussed enough.

🦋 Sagittarius moons and placements, feeling the need to laugh at the wrong, very wrong time. LOUD laughs . Laughs that make others stare with a look of concern. Making jokes when it's time to get serious. Repeating jokes as it gets more serious. Making more jokes when someone tells them to stop. Laughs at people not laughing at their jokes. Laughs at their own joke before they say it. plz I admire.

🦋 Gemini, Virgo, Aquarius, Capricorn, Aries, Leo, Scorpio mercuries intrigue me the most, they got something impressive about them, the way they talk and their words are powerful, can equally be destructive and toxic. People can take them the wrong way. What they have to say should be heard period. Watch your speech if you have these signs, you don’t want to hurt people or yourself.

🦋 Now I don’t like to talk about how Scorpio and Aries mars are seen as "sexy" because it's been said trillions of times (even tho I like to read them because I'm a scorpio mars 💀). But hear me out, the most prominent thing about all scorpio mars individuals is that they like to move in complete silence, like they don't exist, like you will never catch them. Every decision they take in life is private, because that's the only way they can shock you with their big success and revenge on all people that didn't believe in them. They want to keep you guessing and never give you answers but will show actions and accomplishments only. Their biggest dream is to come out on top once everyone has forgotten about them (or not), but to see your jaw droppin is their wet dream loool.

🦋 Mercury conjunct Uranus? and all aspects for that matter, but especially the conjunction. You cannot convince me that these individuals are not geniuses, no matter how dumb they act. Take care of your mind, it's something special gorg. Also your voice must be so unique, it stays on someone's mind and is so vivid when they think of you.

🦋 Mercury conjunct Jupiter, the philosopher. You just like to talk about abstract and broad topics. Spiritualist at heart, rational to deny it often tho. You have sooo many interests it's insane. You are the jack of all trades. People expect you to know things? You come off as a know it all, even if you don't mean it (yea I have it I relate). You have lessons to learn and teach those around you especially about their concept of life and beliefs. Any compliment you give can mean a lot to people. Your positivity is infectious.

🦋 Mercury aspecting Jupiter, especially conjunctions can give a lot of optimism, this applies to neptune positively aspecting chiron as well. I see it in charts of people that have heavy saturn, pluto or chiron energy, to balance the darkness, their ability to think positively is healing to them and others because likely other things are destroying them in life and they already have many wounds. Your optimism is not an illusion, it's a gift from the universe. Life gets better as you spiritually evolve.

🦋 Moon opposite/square mercury, such a hard aspect. A constant mental and emotional conflict. You don't know whether to trust your thoughts or emotions. You don't know when you're trusting either. There is a direct and strong influence of thoughts on emotions. Now that means your thought can hurt you or elevate you so be careful. Especially at a young age your thoughts and others' thoughts have hurt you deeply, as you grow you learn how to balance it out, to not give a f*ck. The good thing about this aspect is that these people pick up on their thought patterns easily and have potential to manipulate their minds to their benefit. Mental health is important to these individuals. Don't let your mind run wild especially in a negative direction. It's also important to surround yourselves with positive people. Music might be important for you to process emotions.

🦋 Conjunctions are far from being "neutral" aspects imo. They are powerful natural talents and gifts in perspective, confidence, expression and skills. These aspects are always positive, even to challenging planets, if they act negatively then there are likely other challenging aspects to the same planets, the native might have not learned yet how to work with this energy or hasn’t realized their potential. Conjunctions are the highest and strongest potential any two planets can reach. The planets don't become "one", they rather meet eye to eye, acknowledge their qualities fully and work out their differences beautifully which manifests in the form of talents and potential. Yes like all aspects they got their negatives too but their positives enormously surpass the negatives. Conjunctions are highly positive aspects, it's unfair to call them neutral.

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wlwprker · 11 days

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coffee + post it notes- s.r. x barista! reader

a/n: I am so bad with titles omg sorry! I literally had a dream about this so I'm turning it into a little blurb! I have never written for Spencer before so i hope this is okay haha :) this was longer than i expected omg lol

warnings: minimal proofreading, use of bold and italics, I apologize for grammar or spelling mistakes

wc: 1,126

Spencer was not having a great morning, he was not anticipating the rain to be as heavy as it was and just as luck would have it, his umbrella got stuck and was not helping to protect him from the downpour. Spencer sighed in annoyance as he bolted and nearly lost balance as he got on the train, the ride was not bad but there was one thing he needed more than anything:

coffee.

Spencer is not a coffee drinker at all, he drowns his coffee in lots of sugar that Derek teases him for which is ridiculous, he needs the sugar! He was early enough, he usually is one of the first people to enter the building, but he didn't want to wait for coffee, he needed the caffeine as soon as possible. Spencer stops in his tracks when he sees a quiet coffee shop that is very close to work, and he has no idea how he has never seen it before. Spencer pushes open the door to The Thinking Cup Cafe and the smell of coffee and pastries hits him all at once but there's a third smell that hits him that most people don't pick up on, but Spencer picks up on it immediately.

The smell of books.

Spencer sighed happily, his bad morning long forgotten as he took in the shelves of books that lined the walls and the quiet bustle of the morning rush of people getting their caffeine to start their day. Spencer walked up to the counter to place an order, but he almost tripped over himself when he made eye contact with you. You were really pretty, it made him extremely nervous.

"Hi! What can I get for you today?", you ask with a smile on your face and that smile warmed him instantly and he hasn't even had a sip of coffee yet.

"Oh- I'd just like a medium black coffee with lots of sugar, please", Spencer hated the way he nearly forgot how to speak because of you. You were just a barista at a coffee shop, and he could barely get a full sentence out without stuttering.

"What's your name?"

"Spencer"

You smiled softly as you made his order, and your friend eyed you curiously as she watched you write out a little note on a post it note and folded it and tucked it behind the order receipt that you attached to the cup. Spencer thanked you for the coffee and headed to the office, he sat down at his desk and took a sip of his drink, but he caught sight of the post it and his eyebrows furrowed as he took the note and opened it and read:

I hope you have a good day :)

Spencer smiled and folded the note and tucked it away from prying eyes, he wanted to keep this a secret even if it meant nothing.

You looked forward to seeing Spencer even if he never came regularly which made you develop a tiny crush on him, you missed him when he didn't come in, you swore to never get hung up on a guy like this, but he felt...different.

Two weeks went by, and he had finally returned to your coffee shop and your coworkers took note of how you visibly glowed and they thought it was hilarious.

"You are a lost cause", your friend had whispered to you between handling customers, and you ignored her. Spencer scanned the shelves of the books, picked up two books and walked to the counter.

"Hi! welcome back! What can I get for you?", you felt like a little girl with a crush, but you couldn't help yourself, he just radiated kindness and he piqued your interest probably because you barely knew anything about him.

"My usual, and these two books, please", Spencer said shyly, and you found him incredibly adorable. You got his coffee for him and wrote out another note and stuck it one of the books, you decided to make it your thing with Spencer even if it never went anywhere, you enjoyed your little fantasy.

Spencer got back to his desk and opened one of the books and saw another note which made him feel warm inside, he liked that it was your own way of communicating with him, he felt special.

You are starting to become one of my favorite customers but don't tell anyone!

The smile on Spencer's face was huge and being a profiler surrounded by profilers, they were curious. JJ was the first one to make the step to approach Spencer because he rarely smiles like...that. She was intrigued.

"What is making you smile so much?" JJ asked and Spencer frantically packed his things away and stuttered out an excuse that was not believable at all.

"I'm betting it's a girl" Derek said as he watched Spencer at his desk for the fourth week in a row smiling brightly with a faint blush painting his cheeks. Emily nodded in agreement as she pondered what to do next. Penelope left her office to see what the huddled group was discussing, and her face lit up at the mere thought that Spencer had found someone.

"When can we meet her?"

Spencer nearly fell out of his chair as he busied himself with paperwork, but he knew he couldn't not answer her because she is persistent especially when it comes to her friends love life.

"It's nothing like that, I don't even know her name! She's just nice and very pretty", Spencer mumbled as he avoided Penelope's eyes. Spencer adored Penelope so he couldn't not spill the details to her.

Despite his best efforts, he walked into the coffee shop with Penelope, Emily, JJ, and Derek. He found himself looking at you while you were talking to a coworker, he just wanted to know you more than just the barista who gave him his coffee and slipped in notes.

"Spencer, hi!", you said as you smiled at him, and Spencer waved back with a goofy smile on his face. Spencer felt his face heat up at all the words of his friends praising you, he wanted to hide.

Spencer left his friends and walked up to you and you both fell into easy conversation as if you were friends for years and soon enough you both had to go back to your jobs, but you didn't want this connection with Spencer you had to end.

As if he read your mind, he scratched the back of his neck before speaking. "I don't want this to be over"

"It doesn't have to be, do you want my number?"

Spencer was grinning ear to ear as he pondered what the future held for the two of you.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fluff #wlwprker🥀💌#criminal minds

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hanniebread · 2 months

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what comes must go. yoon jeonghan

warnings. mentions of tuberculosis as well as terminal cancer, bittersweet sort of ending, kind of angsty and sad.

wc. 1.9k

an. i wrote this in thirty minutes while listening to radiohead so it's pretty meh, but i wanted to post it regardless lol. also i'm really nervous to put this out there because i've never actually published anything before so i genuinely have no clue if this is even worth posting or not... please try to enjoy regardless umm thats all

everything happens for a reason. over time jeonghan had grown to be painfully aware of that fact, being fed the phrase on a silver platter by his mother throughout his entire life. everything has it’s own purpose, and once it’s done serving it, it goes on to be something more important–something more solemn and dignified.

when a tree dies, it weeps sap before finally resting; though it’s slumber isn’t eternal, as it goes on to become a life source for those around it. some trees take on different purposes, falling to the ground to create a new path for living creatures that may wander towards it. a tree laying over a river to become a bridge is the same as a tree that spreads it’s roots into the ground to become a mother.

in fifth grade, jeonghan’s hamster died. his mother broke the news to him–though she didn’t tell him directly, making up some excuse about his pet going on an adventure to explore that of which he hadn’t had the opportunity to see while he was living in a cage.

he figured out what really happen two years later, now being old enough to truly grasp the concept of death, though he didn’t shed any tears. jeonghan figured that since everything has a purpose, there must’ve been a reason behind his beloved pets death. there had to be an ulterior outcome, something that let to a happier ending instead of the despondency and disconsolateness you’d feel when envisioning death. it took him a while, but he’d forced himself to accept the fact that he’d never know the real reason, because what comes must go.

in eight grade, just before he’d be sent off to a prestigious high school, jeonghan fell ill with tuberculosis. everything he’d worked for, the education he’d craved throughout his entire life, had been stripped from his hands and thrown out the window with one examination. when the doctors informed him of this, he almost didn’t believe it. everything had gone so well for him, and he’d worked to keep it that way--yet when he reached his highest, he was dropped to his lowest within just a few seconds.

he found himself unable to grasp the notion, though he knew it was more than that by now, it was his new reality. throughout the healing process, he found himself asking: was god punishing him for being happy? was this meant to happen? did this have a reason behind it?

by the time jeonghan had become well enough to go home, he’d already missed his entire ninth grade year, shifting into the next without experiencing any of it. he’d recovered well, though he was still too weak to go off to the school he’d imagined himself in since he’d picked up a flier as a child, the school he’d earned the right to attend. he spent his days homeschooling from his bedroom, his eyes becoming droopy and devoid of any light they’d held previously. though he found it challenging to stay optimistic, he remained hopeful–because what comes must go. he knew his pain would leave him, and he knew there had to be a reason behind his suffering. everything happens for a reason.

in twelfth grade, jeonghan had made a full recovery, and attended his senior year at school in person. he found himself thinking back to the three years he’d spent by himself, and his chest swelled with gratitude; despite all of the damage it’d done in the moment, he realized that everything he’d gone through had built him into something stronger than he was before. when he was handed his diploma, he realized his mother was right.

when jeonghan turned nineteen, he began attending harvard. he found himself surrounded by groups of amazing people, his mood almost never dropping–which was a huge contrast to how he’d behaved just years prior. he’d smiled wider than he knew was possible, and though he didn’t want to, in the moment he couldn’t help but remember: everything that comes must go.

when jeonghan turned twenty, he met you. your presence felt like a breath of fresh air, something that made him forget about the past and the future, allowing him to just live in the moment. as he got to know you, he’d found himself appreciating things around him more than he realized was possible, cherishing every moment for what it was instead of thinking about what it’d be when it became nothing but a memory.

when jeonghan turned twenty-one, he fell for you. loving you came easy, becoming something he’d do subconsciously, almost as if devoting himself to you was as simple as breathing. he found himself behaving as if he was a teenage boy again, giggling at the mere thought of you. he brought you flowers, ones he didn’t even know existed until he’d gone on a tangent trying to find flowers that perfectly suited you, to which he decided were red carnations.

confessing to you was nothing short of undemanding. he found himself telling you how he felt as if he was stating the obvious, as if it was something so undeniable and simple that you’d have no reason to question it. he spoke the words "i love you." in such a way that it was on par with "i'm alive right now." – something so matter-of-fact that it came straight from his heart and fell right out of his lips. when you’d accepted his feelings, and even returned them, he felt as if he’d just won the lottery. that day he decided he’d live life without worries, letting himself be happy no matter what. living would be easy for him, as long as he had you.

when jeonghan turned twenty-two, you told him you had terminal cancer.

suddenly, the phrase he’d lived by made no sense to him. everything happens for a reason? that had to be a complete lie. he thought back to what he’d always told himself, ‘everything that comes must go’, and in the moment the phrase felt like a punch to a gut rather than a subconscious reminder. he didn't want you to go, he didn’t want it to happen–and instantaneously, he felt like a child again; like a child battling their own emotions, ones which they can’t control or understand. that day, jeonghan cried himself unconscious.

it was nothing new that loving you came easy, but loving you on borrowed time felt more tortuous than enjoyable. he tried his best to ignore the fact that your light wouldn’t stay aflame for much longer, but the thought lingered in the back of his head with every glance he took.

when you were hospitalized, jeonghan visited you every day. he spent every second he could by your side, talking to you, clinging on to the idea that maybe–just maybe you could hear him. he knew this day was approaching rapidly, he knew that you didn’t have much time left, yet every night when he left the hospital, he went home and prayed. he prayed harder than he ever had before, harder than when he attended church every weekend as a child, harder than he had when his mother told him that his father had gotten into a car crash, he prayed until his hands were sore and red from squeezing each other.

the day before you died, jeonghan brought you red carnations. he’d always visited with flowers, which meant that your hospital room was nearly flooded with them; but he’d never had time to stop and get the ones he truly believed you deserved. anything other than this felt shallow and generic, but he couldn’t explain why. perhaps it was because carnations were the flowers he’d associated with you all this time, it’d become his way of expressing his love to you when you weren’t able to tell him you felt the same anymore.

on the day that you died, jeonghan felt as if a piece of him had died along with you. nothing could put into words how it felt as he held your hands, which had slowly become cold; his eyes stinging as tears pooled in his eyes and fell on to your empty, unmoving chest.

jeonghan missed you so much it was unbearable. sometimes he’d be so overwhelmed with sadness and grief it felt as if he was going to die, his chest burning as he struggled to breathe. there was no way in hell that this happened for a reason. his mother was wrong, everyone was wrong, everything he lived by was wrong, and he felt so lost that it made him question if he should even seek out help anymore.

the first time jeonghan visited your grave, it was on his twenty-third birthday. he tried to enjoy the day with his friends, which had also been your friends at some point, but he found himself wanting nothing more than to spend the day with you, even if it meant he’d really be by himself. he felt more guilt than he’d imagined as he realized how long he’d waited to visit you, though he knew it wasn’t for the wrong reasons. as jeonghan sat next to your grave, he let himself cry again, the only thing comforting him being the thought that you were there with him. he knew that he had to accept your death eventually, and that nothing in this universe could bring you back, because everything that comes must go.

that day, jeonghan brought you pink carnations.

healing wasn’t an easy process, and it didn’t get easier as he progressed in life without you. when jeonghan turned twenty-four, he rented out his first house with a friend you both shared. he adopted a cat, cut his hair, and tried his best to become a new version of him. though it was hard, and he viewed it as nearly impossible, he didn’t give up. despite how cliche and foolish it may sound, he knew you wouldn’t have wanted him to.

jeonghan knew he’d never think the same after you passed, and that proved to be true. he didn’t blame his mother, he’d never truly blame her, but he found himself so overwhelmed by his feelings that he didn’t know exactly who to point fingers at. in all honesty, if he opened his eyes, he knew that he’d find it to be nobodies fault. “some things just happen,” seungkwan had told him the day he’d cried to his best friend on the couch they’d bought together only recently, his chest heavy with guilt. “whether or not they happen for a reason doesn’t matter, what matters is that you make the best of the situation and enjoy what you have while you have it.”

spring rolled around quickly. when jeonghan had moved into his new house, he’d noticed small buds of flowers by his window, resting unborn and full of potential as they stared at him, almost expectantly. he didn’t mind, because maybe they’d grow to be something beautiful, something full of life for as long as it’d be alive. maybe they were there for a reason, one he was yet to find out. the thought made a bud of hope blossom in his chest, one much like the dormant flowers sitting almost next to him.

a week later, they blossomed into white carnations; and jeonghan allowed himself to cry once more. he knew they’d close up eventually, retreating back into their shells as the seasons changed, but he found himself thinking: ‘maybe that’s okay. they’re here right now, and that’s all that matters.’

he didn’t let it trouble him, because what comes must go–and if he’s lucky enough, maybe it’ll come back around.

#seventeen #svt #seventeen imagines #svt imagines #seventeen x reader #svt x reader #jeonghan x reader #jeonghan #seventeen jeonghan #seventeen angst #seventeen fic #svt angst #svt fic #seventeen drabbles #svt drabbles #seventeen x you #svt x you #jeonghan x you #yoon jeonghan

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gyougherea · 4 days

Text

crp/mh pride hcs

got inspired by a mutual (the-s1lly-corner) <3 i wanna have a silly post about my silly guys. under cut bc i might get long

jeff the killer

jeff feels very greyrom/aro bisexual to me, i think he "prefers" women because he doesn't wanna admit he's bisexual at first. idk if he explicitly uses the greyrom label or anything but it describes him pretty well. he/him

liu woods / homicidal liu

can we give it up for TRANSHETS!!!!!!! realized he was trans (ftm) at a young age, didn't get to transition until adulthood because the only family who supported him was jeff. mainly to hide from his past he's also stealth about being transgender. he/him

sully (liu's cohost and protector) is arohet i think? idk haven't thought much but i do think liu and sully have slightly different seuxalities. it/he (EDIT: its sexuality is also influenced by the fact that it's an introject of jeff)

jane the killer

lesbian and also trans mtf!!! transbian jane epic win. i think she knew for a while that she was a lesbian and then also realized she was trans in high school as she was going further through puberty. i think she's femme lesbian specifically??? she/her

nina the killer

bisexual (initially had a pref for women, now just has a pref for the glasgow killer, aka jeff), cis girl but LOOOOOVES experimenting with pronouns!!! she/her default but PLEASE use neopronouns on her she would literally die for you if you got wacky with it

ben drowned

even if he wasn't ethereally both 12 and 32 he would still 100% be aroace. that shit does not intrigue him! he also uses he/they pronouns, maybe it/its. lost their gender in the whole becoming a computer shit

ticci toby

transmasc nonbinary, biromantic asexual! he/him pronouns specifically, despite not being a man he really leans into masculine terms and also even is on T and gave himself top surgery! yes. to himself. don't ask. it looks awful. world's worst top surgery scars award

clockwork

she/her. not butch not femme but a secret third thing (the butchest lesbian twitter can handle before getting scared /ref)

tim wright (two hcs)

normal hc is that he's biromantic aceflux! he doesn't really have a preference, frankly he's nervous about entering a serious relationship regardless of gender. his asexuality is kind of a roulette; he also probably falls between sex-neutral and sex-repulsed. he/him

"my house now" hc is that he's an intersex butch lesbian (not sure which exact intersex disorder but one of the ones i'm debating is something with 46,xx dsd?) that doesn't care about gender but uses he/him and masc terms because someone called him that and he was like "why not lol". he/him but frankly not offended if any other pronouns used

masky uses he/they in the first hc, it/its in the second hc

brian thomas (two hcs)

normal hc is that he's a gay man! discovered he was gay pretty early on in life and was probably tim's unofficial bisexual awakening back in college. very open about his identity, he's like the queer beacon in my eyes. he/him

"my house now" hc is that he's a lesbian and trans mtf! for the longest time she thought she was a bisexual man, but then in her late 20s to early 30s realized that not only did she feel like One Of The Girls(TM) but also that the only "man" she was attracted to was tim, who's not a man, so whoops! transbian time! she/her

hoodie uses he/it in the first hc, it/they in the second hc

jay merrick

trans ftm and bisexual! went on T but hasn't gotten top or bottom surgery before becoming the nefarious skully or whatever. cracked his egg in college, but probably figured out he was biseuxal in high school. he/him

skully uses no labels just vibes. queer/abrosexual and genderfluid are probably the labels that best describe them but again they don't fucking care. they/them default but sometimes uses others depending on which of their "many" are at the forefront

jessica locke

now if that's not the biggest lesbian i have ever seen in my life... her and taylor absolutely get married in lesbians after the comics are over. jessica probably always knew she didn't like boys but didn't realize she liked girls until a fateful sleepover in middle school or something. she/her

nothing specific for the others rn, might make a part 2 if i come up with more <3 adios

#jay's jots #pride headcanons #creepypasta #marble hornets #jeff the killer #homicidal liu #jane the killer #nina the killer #clockwork #ben drowned #ticci toby #tim wright #masky #brian thomas #hoodie #jay merrick #skully #jessica locke

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firefly--bright · 7 months

Text

peeks and blinders (you know me)

jean kirstein x gender neutral! reader, modern au

summary : being loved required patience and time and hope. luckily, jean provided all of them, without hesitation.

warnings : feelings of being deeply alone, heavy, hurt/comfort but mostly hurt, reader might sort of have depression

a/n : aha. lol. lmao. uhmmm yeah this is incredibly self indulgent and a projection. if you relate to this please PLEASE know that you're a) not alone and also b) I'm here if you ever need anyone to talk to. i wrote this with an unhappy ending in mind but with the poll results (and let's be honest, the aot finale) I decided to make it a happy ending instead. don't worry, everything works out in the end. this fic might just be terrible if you're already sad, so reader discretion is advised! i dont expect anyone to read the whole thing!!! but if you do read it, I hope you like it because I spent way too long on it. the ending might've been a little rushed only because I wanted to get this out as soon as possible so I could move on with a new fic idea ;)

taglist : @mrsnobodynobody @holding-infinity-and-a-book @jeanscremebrulee (side note- thank you for the kind words in my taglist form's criticism/comments question. i truly, deeply appreciate it :) )

masterlist is in pinned post! ✿ requests are open! ✿ likes and reblogs are appreciated! ✿ join my taglist ✿

✿ recommended playlist to listen to while reading ✿

living with someone meant showing yourself, something you weren't afraid of. well, not afraid, more just apprehensive. there was too much of a potential to fucking up a relationship; showing yourself too much in the one place you're allowed to be yourself without restrictions and limitations. you love your friends, you love jean, but sometimes the quietness of being alone was more than welcome because it had to be.

so when jean asked you with eyes that didn't meet your own if you wanted to move in with him, you didn't answer. quiet literally, you paused from eating the slice of pizza in your hand. he continued on with his nervous 'making-up-for-the-lack-of-response' ramble, explaining how you technically already lived together, how he liked finding your toothbrush next to his, and reluctantly admitted that he sometimes used your soap when he wanted to have a good day. a speech that warmed you despite your answer.

because no matter how comfortable you'd be with anyone, sharing the same space with them was a different kind quiet, unrelenting vulnerability. the fact that you existed and let someone percieve you without hinderance was...too much to think about. you had been alone your whole life, not in a pitiable way, but in a way where you didn't have a childhood best friend. you didn't have people stick around, like you were only at a corssroad of people's lives and greeted them with familiarity and comfort that they'd craved, despite your want and desire for it yourself. they'd continue on with their path while you would sit there, patiently, passing time.

jean admitted it to you. indirectly, he had confessed that he wanted to see you vulnerable and bare open in a way that people wouldn't know you normally. in a way where you were simply a locked window that noone had the key to. but there wasn't anything special to hide, no great overview of the city or the sea or rolling hills and valleys and large fields. no, just an unimpressive view of an unmowed backyard. untamed and messy - again, nothing special. just years of neglect while also being looked at. nothing special.

you didn't want him to see it. and technically, he asked you. you stopped spiralling just as he started his own, realising the effect your non verbal answer had on him, you simply said "I'll think about it." and tried to crack jokes along until the end of the night. because if nothing, then jean deserved some peace to balance out the turbulence that came with loving you.

in all honesty, you didn't know what you did. how you comitted the monsterous feat of getting him to love you. how he loved you in your entirety (or lack of it), how he woke up everyday and chose to love you despite everything that you took from him, drawing out his grumbling patience and gentleness because loving you meant waiting. loving you always, somehow, meant not loving you, because there was no way someone would know you, all your stories and opinions and ideas and still choose to love you.

living with you meant knowing your anatomy. not of your physical, breathing body, but the inside of your organs. it meant knowing that your stomach was filled with guilt, that your mouth could only utter whispers of people who once loved you and 'im sorries' to someone who won't know. it meant knowing that your hands were always aching to be held, that your skin was only ever warm when it was loved. it meant knowing that your chest was always heaving, yearning for a breath of relief that would never arrive. it meant knowing that your eyes always wandered off to the weighing scale kept at the back of your closet, always wandered off to find another pair of eyes that would look similar to yours. it meant knowing that your hair was always knotted with the doubts your mouth would never ask. it meant knowing so much about you, about the grey matter in your brain and about what flowed through your veins was nothing but pure doubt and discomfort with the unholy temple that was your body, the temple without a god, the temple that noone went back to. a body without a home.

he wouldn't want to know. he shouldn't want to know, and more importantly, he wouldn't like finding out. it would either be too much or too little, and his fingers would cramp up with the effort it took for him to pry you open, only for no prize to be met with. besides, you were okay just talking to yourself, no matter how insane it sounded. you got through so many years being self-sufficient, right? you didn't know how to handle it, handle someone actually loving you without doubt. you had lived long enough without it. someone loving you was new, something you didn't have a map for, something you didn't have any precautions against.

you and jean slept together that night. in the same bed, breathing the same air, under the same covers. you didn't share the same sleep, however, as his mind made dreams and yours went on like an unfinished painting - a list of unfullfilled answers, no meanings, trying and failing to come together. you found yourself watching him breathe; just his chest moving up and down and up and down, your hands twiching to rest on top of his but you didn't know if that's where they'd belong. if his body would wake itself up because of your touch - everyone was always surprised by how cold your fingers were. you were used to it.

maybe living with him wouldn't be that bad, right? as he said, you already shared the same space to a point where the pair of you felt comfortable enough to not care if your hair was groomed perfectly or if the colours and patterns of your outfit were clashing. but would he like it? would he like just how much more comfortable you could get? just how much you could ask for? just how long you could lock yourself up in the bathroom and try to cry? would he like to know just how long you sometimes spent on your bed, refusing to get up because your heart felt too heavy for your chest? for when your heart felt like it could fall through your back, punch a hole through the ground and bury itself in the earth until it could somehow bonify and fossilize and archeologists would recognise, instantly, that it didn't belong there.

he'd leave. that was something you knew for a fact. your love wouldn't be wasted, ofcourse not, neither would the time, but maybe he'd leave feeling like he'd wasted himself at your expense. or maybe he wouldn't think about you at all.

your night was spent with your brain spiralling - thoughts about how you didn't know how to handle being loved the way he loved you, about how you probably never had a childhood best friend that was still in your life because the phases of your life weren't meant for anyone but yourself to see, about how much your hair fell due to the stress of distracting yourself from overwhelming sadness by studying and creating while also being only slightly average at it. you fell asleep thinking about how the abundance of being alone, to you, meant being not alone at all, because there was no differenciation of company and lonlieness because there hadnt been any company to remind you of the lonliness at all- your eyes had fluttered closed and breathing evened.

jean always wondered if you were hiding something from him. not in a bad way, not in the way where he couldn't say he loves you, but in the way where you'd hesitate. and if he didn't love you as much, he probably wouldn't have even noticed. but fortunately, he did know you. a little too well.

he knew how much you loved the crunchy autumn leaves, so much so that you would alter your paths just to crunch one under your boot, a smile of satisfaction gracing your face after hearing the noise it made. he knew how much your fingers would reach out for his. he knew how much you tried - with everything. he knew of your unsaid struggles, knew when and what made your mood sour. and he loved it, he loved the fact that he knew all of those thing but more importantly, loved that he loved them.

loving you felt like it was a built-in feature.

but despite all of this, he didn't know why. he didn't know why you were the way you were. he knew you tried, but he didn't know why. he knew you struggled, but didn't know why. and it was driving him crazy, especially after last night. he couldn't help himself, even if he could see you, again, trying to diffuse the situation with lighthearted jokes, he couldn't help but think a little too much.

did you not want to? jean had always been honest about how much he struggled with being either too much or too little, about how much the words hurled by his friends when he was young hurt him, about how much his love proved to be uncomfortable and silent and resigned. maybe his honesty was too much for you. maybe you didn't like the burdens he came with, maybe you didn't like knowing how much his father's absence had affected him, or about how much his previous partner altered the way he saw himself to a miserable extent. you hadn't asked for all of this, all of him, all of his parts. maybe you were getting sick of it.

or maybe, if Jean's knowledge about you served right, you were being hesitant again.

he swears he doesn't mind it. you not wanting to move in with him wasn't a problem, but he just wished he knew why. the whole day, the only thing on his mind was how he could feel less hesitant towards him, god, anyone but him. he knew, firsthand, how it felt being so overwhelmed by inconsequencial doubt where he was left with so many regrettable unanswered questions engraved into the palm of his hands because he kept them hidden in his fist for too long, where he wishes, prays, and hopes for an answer that he knows will never arrive even if he doesn't look for it.

there are many things jean wishes and prays and hopes for. you're not one of them. but only because you're here. he doesn't need any other wish to be fulfilled or prayer to be answered or hope to sparkle. you are, inadvertently, all of them. a love without doubt, a wish without a cost, a prayer without a sacrifice, a hope without desperation. you're all of them. you're everything.

but he knows that if he's hesitant this time, if he doesn't reach out to grab you, if he doesn't do something, no matter how desperate, he will most ceratinly feel a deeper regret than he has ever felt before. and yes he may be exxagerating it, but he doesn't care. he'd learnt not to care when he was with you - he's learnt to be comfortable with you and around you. he wants to tell you that it's okay if you don't want to move in with him because his home is wherever you would be, his home is his hand on your thigh, his home is watching you blink in thought, his home is the sound of your footsteps. his home is anywhere with you. you are the only person who has the right to know that.

he makes his familiar way over to your apartment. you're not home yet, sasha informs him with a sleepy voice and messed up hair, "but you can wait in their room." she says because everyone knows that you wouldn't mind him waiting in your room. including him.

he does your routine - the one he's seen you do countless of times when you enter your room - take off his coat and hang it on the back of your door where one of the hooks is kept empty for him, shoulder his bag off and put it down on the spot next to your desk, turn on the desk lamp and the night lamp because you refused to turn the overhead lights on, because "they are so hideous why would I want to turn them on," according to you, and then finally occupy the space on your bed, laying his back down and his hands resting on his stomach as he waited for you.

staring at the cracking paint on the ceiling of your bedroom, jean thinks. from his pending homework that he's mentally figuring out how to schedule to how he's going to conduct this new group project with people he has never talked to before to how is it already the second last year of University because it felt like the first day was yesterday, until finally his thoughts landed on you. of course it would always lead to you.

it started from him thinking about University, then about how he met you on the second day, seeing you in one of his classes, sitting diagonaly across him, how you conducted yourself, slipping your bag off and checking your phone. then it turned to him seeing you at the freshers party where he saw his now ex-partner with someone he knew he shouldve questioned more. how he stormed off of the party with half tears of sadness and half of anger, catching a glimpse of you in the corner of the room, looking kind of lost. he saw you multiple times after that but never talked to you. he saw you at an ice-cream parlor once. he wanted to talk to you, but Connie had loudly confirmed the tickets to this new concert, which took away Jean's attention from you. but then he was introduced to you by Marco, because of course it would be Marco who had the pleasure to befriend amazing people. he met you then, properly, when you introduced yourself, and he nodded at you with little regard.

jean shook his head with a little smile. he had been so stupid, that day. he barely looked in your direction as you got acquainted with Marco, Connie and sasha, but he didn't disregard the fact that you looked less lost than you were at the party.

you had a way of sticking around, jean found out after that. he didn't realise when you had slipped into his life, hiding in plain sight. one night he found himself awake the same time as you and the next, he found himself saving a seat for you in the class you shared with him. soon enough, you knew him as well as he knew you, and there was softness in the recognition your eyes held when they met with his. the same appreciation of his existence, something he hadn't felt before. he couldn't say that he knew you as well as the back of his hand, because really, he knew you like the back of your hand, because he'd looked at your hands more than he'd ever looked at his, noticing all the little creases and scars and veins and hairs. he knew what warmth they held, he'd felt it after your hands made their way into his while walking back to your dorm on a cold night. a night jean would never forget because he had frantically knocked on your door right after leaving you there, because his senses had finally worked and he had finally found out that he wanted to kiss you. and he did, and you kissed back, and jean swore he had never been happier even while he could hear sasha and Connie and Marco cheering for the both of you. he kissed your forehead as a goodnight that night. you were in his shirt.

you were his home before he even knew what his home was, before he could find out for himself. you became an answer with a question.

he sighed, hearing your footsteps make their way through the tiny apartment, saying a small "hi," to sasha who was sleeping on the couch. the door to your room swung open just as jean sat up, his weight resting on his forearms on your mattress. you didn't seem surprised that he was there, just flashing a smile at him before removing your bag and placing it down, and jean felt his heart flutter with comfort as your presence filled the room.

his eyes trailed you as you did the same thing he did a few moments ago, plopping yourself down right next to him. your breathing evened out with his as the two of you lay in silent comfort before jean spoke.

his voice was a low hum. the words were barely different, but you understood them anyway. "yknow you can talk to me about anything, right? even if it's sad or not funny or not...I don't know, not remarkable. you can say it. i won't laugh unless you want me to." he says. it's a flimsy promise, but you know his words hold a meaning that you can't quiet grasp.

his palm lays on top of the back of your hand.

he's warm. scarily so, because why would someone hold so much warmth towards you? more importantly, jean extended his hand without even meaning to, like muscle memory, which was, again, terrifying, because loving you as habitual purpose was scarier than you having to prove yourself for it.

your shoulders relax almost instantly; habitually and with purpose. was the purpose of it to not have a purpose at all? was the meaning of your being to not have any meaning at all? was it just to love despite it?

you wanted to do good. not in a special or overly remarkable way, because you knew you would never reach that mark because you never had, but in the way where you'd be recognized. in crowded rooms, you'd be sought out for because of your "goodness" - be it reliability, comfort, all the things you usually associated with jean. which was ironic, because noone who didn't know him like you did would ever think of jean in that way.

"i.." you say, trailing off. you want to say that you know, but it'd be a lie. it'd be a false promise, and jean didn't need that any more than he needed you. so you say, "I'll keep that in mind."

jean doesn't buy it. his hand squeezes yours, stubbornly. "no, i don't want you to keep that in mind, I want you to want to do it." he says. his head turns towards you, watching the side of your face with an expression you know better than anything. the slight furrow of his brows, slightest scowl on his face that was masked by a layer of genuine concern.

"what I mean is.... you don't have to be so hesitant with me." he says. you want to blink back surprise, except that it's not really surprising. he's seen you, more so than anyone ever has, so it's not surprising that he'd see if one day was affecting you worse than the other days. it makes you want to scream because you don't know how to deal with it.

you close your eyes as if that would help. it wasn't like you were good at running away from affection, mostly because you never needed to. if anything, you were used to running towards it, desperately, just trying. but here it was, now, the resolution of it all, of all of the aches and creakings of your deepest yearnings, yet you couldn't seem to look at it. look at him - at jean, your best friend, someone you'd do anything for - with eyes that matched his.

you sigh. there's a deep silence, and jean isn't anticipating anything. his hand is still on yours and he feels you squeeze it tightly, but he isn't going anywhere for you to hold on to him. even if he wasn't tethered to you, he'd want to stay by your side, without any precautions or promise of a fruitful result. he'd stay with you regardless.

he isn't waiting for you to say anything, because being with you feels more than adequate, like it's instinct, like his shoulders relaxing when it's just the two of you, or like that tingly feeling in his chest when you kiss his cheek after a long day.

but when you do speak, it's with resignation and certain grief. "i dont think you'll like me. if I... if we move in together, I think, realistically, you won't like it."

"how can you be so sure?" he asks. it's not a serious question, but he thinks it's a start. you're doing it, you're being less hesitant, and atleast that's somewhere to begin.

"i just am." you say, shrugging. but it's not a fact, atleast, it shouldn't be. it isn't to jean. he's rolling his eyes now, but he's not annoyed or digusted. "how?" he presses, because he knows there's more, there always had been with you.

"i get too much. and then too little. like none of it is ever just right. and I'm scared that you'll see it and...I don't know, get frustrated at my lack of everything." you say. there's truth in every word even though you desperately wish there wasn't. you're still hesitating, but it's less so. your hand is still in his, still squeezing it. it was predictable - something you found yourself relying on - the warmth of his palm and the way his hand would also engulf yours with the same echoing softness it always had. even if his fingers were calloused and a little rough, it didn't matter. they still held you the same.

he's clinging onto every word you're saying, every small explanation, every twitch of your eyebrows. he knows what's going to come, he knows there's going to be an admission of guilt coming on soon enough but he also knows, more importantly, that he'll be there to tell you that no, he does not regret loving you, and yes, he will keep doing it over and over and over again.

"I've never been... wanted like this. or like anything, I guess. and I'm so scared," you breathe in deeply, keeping your tears at bay. jean pushed himself onto his forearm, looking at you in a way you've never been looked at before. "I'm so scared of disappointing you because I think that's all I've ever done. that's all I know how to do." the box is open now, and it's not forced or pried with effort. jean has always known how to open it, you think, you just didn't let him. he does it now, with the same hands you find comfort in, the same gentleness that his eyes have always held for you.

you're crying. you don't have anything else to add to your statements, and they hang in the air as if waiting for you to complete them, expecting you to do something. but you don't and you can't and jean is holding you, his hands are at your sides and your nose is buried into his shoulder and you think the words and the expectations can wait for now, or for however long jean is willing to take care of you.

your shoulders shake. jean is whispering into your ear, asking you to breathe. he's saying it so kindly that you feel the need to comply, and when your lungs finally calm, he rewards you with a kiss on your forehead.

you think if how much of a liability all of this is. about how much you weigh in emotions when you're this open and vulnerable. not even like an open, unhealing wound, but more like that feeling you get when you finally decide to read an unread text message that had been sitting there for a month, but you're the person who both sent the text and also the one replying to it and also the one who was watching it unfold. you caused this, you were the only one who was replying, and you were also the witness to all of this.

but now jean was here. it was unusal and strange - someone being there, actually, physically and mentally present instead of those placating "you'll get over its" that were repeated to you by the few people you decided to open up to.

the two of you are silent now, only broken up by deep, almost heaving breaths from you, something you wish you would stop doing. instead of you digging your nails into your palms like all the other times, your nails are clinging onto jeans clothes, and he doesn't seem to mind. instead of it being your blankets like all the other times, it was Jean's soft heat wrapped around you, moving with each breath you took until your chest didn't feel as heavy anymore.

"i know." he says, finally. he doesn't expect you to answer, ofcourse, but he knows you're listening because you shift slightly in his arms. "i know...too well, what it's like. i know that moving in means more to you than it means to people in general. i know that it's not even about moving in together. i.." he's being hesitant. finding the right words, but for once, Jean's happy about this trait of his. he's glad he rethinks decisions and the next time when he tries again, he's more sure of it. hes sure that he loves you, hes sure that he wasn't made to love you but he grew into it because there's that choosing again, the fact that yes, he did probably have a choice, but he would never even consider it. he doesn't want to consider it and maybe that's more important than there even being a choice. he wishes he could put it into words that would make sense.

instead, he opts to say, "I am so sorry you had to think all of this all alone for so long. but I'm...I'm here now. i know that won't solve everything instantly, ofcourse it won't, but I will be here until it will. i will wait."

there's promise in his voice, a conviction that you hadn't heard before. you trust him, you always have, but you don't know if you trust yourself with this. you don't trust yourself to be someone he loves. he's quick to quiet your concerns after yet another peck on your forehead.

"but don't you think I take too much?" you ask. its doubtful, the steps you're taking on the usually thick ice that has turned too thin too fast. you're afraid you're going to offend him, but you stand no chance against Jean's all-knowing sigh. it's not a tired sound, not one anyone gives before they're about to give up. you're not sure what kind of sigh it is, but jean doesn't let you figure it out for yourself because he's answering.

the ice turns into concrete. he's become your footing, the reason you're still standing and not under numerous feet of cold water. "i dont think you're taking. your....your love doesn't ask to take. you love despite everything, not because of it. everyone, including me, focuses on how to be loved, on how to be a perfect image that probably won't last for too long, but you..... you focus on shaping your love, the love you give. i dont know if you've noticed it, but you do. you don't take too much, you give without expectations. you give with hope. it's beautiful." he pauses. "you're beautiful." he says. he's not looking anywhere else but your eyes that are welling up with familiar tears.

you suck in a breath. "im not used to sweet words, jean," you say, the breath you held releasing with a bittersweet smile. "i dont know how to handle all of this love you're giving me. i think... i think you love me too much." another tear down your cheek and onto the mattress. jean wipes away it's remnants.

"i dont love you nearly enough." he says with the same laugh you had given him, "but you'll grow into it. just like how you grew into everything else, you'll grow into being loved. i grew into it too," he says. his forehead touches yours. the proximity makes you shiver. "i grew into just how much you love me. and I wanna keep growing into it because I love loving you. i love you loving me, as selfish as it sounds."

you take a moment to register his words. yes, you weren't used to being so vehemently and stubbornly loved and taken care of, but you could. you could get used to it, get used to crying in your beloved's arms, being fed spoonfuls of carefully heated up soup that would settle into your belly, being looked at for more than a split second. you couldn't fathom it now, sure, only because you could've never believed it before, but that could change. you could grow into loving love, into accepting it just as freely as you had given it.

jean wasn't holding you with a death grip because he knew that you wouldn't leave, atleast, he didn'tanymore. he would've done it, he had all the reasons to. if he were still fifeteen, he would've thought that he had to come beg and cling on to love to make it stay. he had to do something spectacular, something entirely not himself in order to prove that he was atleast worth giving a try but with you...he didn't have to beg. he didn't even have to ask. for a while it felt undeserved, all of this care you were giving his somehow beating heart, all of this ointment you were providing to his broken bones, but he somehow, miraculously, grew into it, because he let you in. he let you see him with the eyes that would rival the ones he was sure the gods had, he let you see him and all his unknown and unsaid sins and let you love him anyway because you wanted to, because you didn't see something in him - a potential of something greater - but you saw him as he was. as he is. and nothing in your smile changed. and if you could do that, then he'd be damned if he didn't love you the same.

no words were said after that, only Jean's heartbeat mingling with your own in your ear. both of your eyes were closed, his hands relaxed on your back, your chest no longer heaving, commanding you to pay attention to it.

you fell asleep in the silence of promise.

---

the promise continued even a week later, turning into two, turning into four, wherein jean kept loving you despite and because of, unafraid and unwavering and for the first time, without any hesitance.

you were keeping up on your promise too. trying to accept it - all of this affection, his affection - without hesitance. it was hard but mundane things usually are and you continued to grow and mend and try, above all else, which was more than jean hoped for.

he's passing you the brush he had slathered the perfect amount of toothpaste on, slipping into the comfort of the cool night warmed by the heat of your previously taken shower in your bathroom. you smile at him as a thanks, and he nods as a welcome, and no words are spoken. no words need to be spoken, and his right hand makes its way to the small of your back, his left brushing his teeth as you start brushing yours and you think that maybe everything is uncertain. everything always has been and always will be, and loving someone has always been uncertain, too. being loved has always come with doubt and guilt and shame. but the only difference was that now, both of you hoped. you hoped that everything would be alright in the end, jean hoped that he'd get to share the same bed as you in the end.

hope was flimsy and hopeless, too optimistic, but now it served as something you both shared. the shared sentiment of hoping that you'd have eachother till the end was more important than the uncertainty. it meant that both of you would keep trying. you don't need to be sitting, waiting patiently and hopelessly at the same crossroad now, because Jean's hand is on the small of your back, the watch on his wrist is still and unticking, and you're walking down the same road with the same landmarks and the same gravel because you want to. you've moved from your old spot on the pavement because you want to. you're learning how to love the sound of your own footsteps, how to love the action of one foot infront of the other, and the best part is, Jean's learning too.

loving isn't a reciprocal or a transaction or a grand 'aha!' it's an act of hope. hoping they'll see you the same. hoping they'll have the same hopes as you. hoping they'll want to be loved by you, because hope doesn't require anything grand, hoping doesn't require a god to pray to or a cost to pay. it requires soft, undettered, unsaid patience. something jean, persistently, had. something you, stubbornly, held.

you paused from brushing your teeth to look at your love. you were wearing his old t-shirt that had faint stains of ink and old paint on it, and he was donning the headband you had owned for years to keep his hair out of his face. he glances at you through the mirror, then turns to you, nodding to you, eyebrows arching in a question.

you spit out the toothpaste into the sink. looking back to him, you say, with all the conviction and hope you can muster up, "I want to move in with you."

jeans mouth turns upwards, still full of toothpaste. he doesn't say anything. he doesn't need to say anything.

everything's already been said, already been understood.

because he knows you. and he couldn't be more happier to.

(when you pick the curtains for your new home, you are held up by jean, who's hands grasp the ladder you're on. you're looking down on him after the work is done and he's smiling, and you're smiling, and at night you're using the same stove to make the same dinner that the two of you will share along with some old wine and old stories. he holds you when you fall asleep, and your arms are around his torso as he snores softly. your love is stored in the blood of his veins. his love is stored in the palm of your hands, and even if you don't hold it, it still stays there, unmoving, growing, attached.)

✿

#jean kirstein x reader #jean kirschstein x reader #jean kirstein #jean kirstein x you #aot #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #jean kirschtein

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meruz · 5 months

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hi im putting all my asks in one post again. these are from like the past month and a half approx? some digimon thoughts some tmnt thoughts some art musings u know the usual

@waywardistics YAYY thank you so much for ordering! I'm glad it got to you & that you are enjoying it!

this is kind of a missive to everyone who ordered but: I am very nervous about pre-orders whenever I do them... nervous that not very many people will order, nervous that there will be supply chain or production dilemmas and I won't be able to get copies out to people in a timely fashion, nervous about having people's money but having an indeterminate amt of time where i have not yet "held up my part of the bargain" etc etc SO. THANK U GUYS...FOR ORDERING and being patient and im so glad it got to y'all

@seanonthemoon (idk why i cant tag u BUT) interesting... i gotta be honest I don't think abt the crests that much. i agree that they're very much like heres the "girl" crest heres the "nerd boy" crest etc to the point that it becomes almost meaningless. but i think what makes them even more meaningless to me, and is probably the reason they kind of designated girl/boy crests etc is that i think like the digivices they're toys and merchandise more than they are actual narrative tools LOL. I wouldve loved something with cody and mimi! theyre both so deeply empathetic and sensitive.. theres a lot they share but i think because they look so different on the surface it would make it difficult to market that merch...booo capitalism boooo toy marketing its all sexist bullshit at least here in the u.s. idk if japan is that different though.

I'm actually a little frustrated with how often 02 and 02 related media squanders cody in general lol. he feels like a parallel of izzy, joe, and TK(season 1 tk) while also being kind of none of those and suffering through lackluster characterization as a result... and then once ken joins the team it feels a little redundant. there's a couple cody-centric eps of 02 I remember really liking but then i think abt how he's been used since in like post-series content and 02:the beginning where they made him type on the computer even though obviously that's yoleis thing but because he had nothing else to do and aghh... my blood boils. i feel like the youngest but most serious anime achetype even at its bare bones is actually rly interesting idk why they don't play it up. UM. Once again my opinion is that he should be taller LOL and maybe they should play up his kendo martial arts honorable training stuff more idk. tallest + youngest + most serious just seems like a recipe for success for me. well. theres still time. and theres always fanfic.

THIS IS SO NICE TO SAY and not the first time someone has said it but i appreciate it everytime because i really admire the mm art style so much. It's like part of why I got really into the movie because I really recognized my own artistic sensibilities and aspirations in the way they stylized everything.

UM And i feel like since watching the movie and looking at all the concept art and making my own art i do feel like its only become more obvious how much my own art is lacking LOL LIKE when you see something that feels so similar I think the differences only become more stark. those artists are definitely on a different level than me. But it's nice to hear people say it doesn't look so different from their pov. thank u ^^

thank u!!!!!!! i love mundanity and naturalism... there's something so beautiful abt it to me lol... I feel like my anatomy needs work actually but ive been feeling better abt it this year so it's good to hear! thank you!

DLKGDSGDLALSNDF WAS IT TOO FAR..?? firstly, yeah I was thinking late teen/young adult ages for both of them ie 18-19ish, definitely not the age the kids are in the movie lol.

but also they arent DOING anything in that pic it is literally just a confrontation + some innuendo... I think teens should be allowed some less than subtle innuendo.. its like one of the top 3 classically teen pastimes...

this is such a funny ask to get because i feel like i haven't been able to do thin lineart until like. this past year or two maybe LOL. UM having a line-centric art job helped I think. I started on craig of the creek back in 2022 and thats a show where we spend a lot of time inking so I had a job where I was constantly moderating my line weight 40 hours a week every week for over a year. disappointingly, much of improvement is simply horrendous amounts of practice.

Here's a tip though: I think a lot of thin lineart boils down to confidence. I think instinctively we read thick, bold, fast lines as confident but theres actually a lot of obscuring you can do with a thick line. if you're not sure whether the nose on the face or a browline should be a little more left or a little more down you can hide that with a thick line and pretend its a shadow. or hide it with a bunch of quick lines and the eye can kind of approximate where looks best among the mass.. whereas a thin line is rly singular and stark and hides nothing, it needs to be precise. so anytime i know i want thin lineart i spend a LOT of time sketching, making sure i know exactly where i want my lines to go. so im not second guessing by the time im inking...

ok thats kind of a broad tip lol... here's one thats more applicable: IF POSSIBLE, lower your pressure sensitivity on your device. most devices have some way to edit your pressure sensitivity curve. I use a surface pro at home and this is what my pressure curve looks like most of the time.

When I work on a wacom it looks even more like a reverse L shape LOL. I'm naturally a really heavy-handed artist and I use a "light" or "hard" pressure curve to compensate for how hard I'm always pressing on the pen lol. if you're like me and you struggle with going too hard with the ink too fast... this will probably help a lot!

SFHASLDFH I LOVE THIS ASK this is like the type of question a person gets asked when chalk drawing on the sidewalk at recess LOL. but i understand because I've been struggling also for like. months. I think I'm finally starting to nail it down though so here's some of my observations.

[feel free to save this img but **please do not re-post it or share broadly**. my biggest fear in the world is to spend 30 min on some notes and become a widely proliferated art tutorial im not even kidding. i made it low contrast and difficult to read on purpose.]

my other tip is to just look at and study a lot of reference because that's all ive been doing. the tmnt are really cartoony so its difficult to use like actual anatomical reference unless ur going for that look BUT theres been so many adaptions in so many different styles that there's a real treasure trove of stuff to look at for how to simplify, stylize, and dissect these characters while keeping the recognizable essence. so theres lots to pull from.

If you want to expand further, it's also good to have 5) something sci-fi 6)something fantasy 7)something mundane/slice of life. a bedroom is a really good go-to. And of course some bgs can be two or more of these things at once.

I've definitely answered asks abt bg tips before but here's one specifically for if you want to do bg design for a job:

Your portfolio should probably have at least one of each of the following 1) an interior 2) an exterior 3) a cityscape 4) a nature scene. Just to cover kind of the basics of what you'd be asked to draw on any given project.

I actually feel like I don't have that many cityscrapes in my portfolio... this is something I'm gonna try to work on in the coming year LOL. OH ALSO. This is a very basic tip and people will tell you it all the time but its worth repeating: look up portfolio websites of artists who have the job you want. An easy way to do this is to go onto imdb for any cartoon or movie you like and to find the names listed as "bg/background designer" or whatever then just google that name +"art" or "animation" most artists have some public facing internet presence so it's not hard. spend time studying their work and hold those images in your head! it's a good way to get a good idea of what "industry standard" looks like and comparing ur own art to it... I know people sometimes get bummed comparing their art to others but if you can keep your head up lol.. it'll help you figure out what you need to work on!

ok thats all i have to say sorry for typing so much. happy new year everybody who read this far LMAO!!!!!

#ask

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verflares · 3 months

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ough woke up to like 100+ new followers... even after pruning the bots !! um thank you very very much!! 😭

i have a pinned (which you should probably also read especially the last paragraph that would be nice) but i guess it'll be nice to do a little infographic post too. if only because the new attention brought by 'one drawing i did tht broke containment' is making me kind of nervous lol

as you might've already guessed i mainly draw, write and post loz here. i have very little interest in drawing anything Besides loz right now so. what you see will be what you get 👍 i don't really post or draw anything lu-related but it Is adjacent to my interests by proxy so i do enjoy it when i see it ^_^ i dont see a difference love is love. as they say

i am also very much an amateur!! i only started learning how to draw again in december after pretty much not touching a tablet for years. you'll probably see stuff that looks wonky or rough because of that but i am trying to tell myself that it is ok. i am cringe but free as they say :)

other than loz though i do unfortunately play and have over 3500 hours in ffxiv. i'm also posting a lot of dunmeshi right now... you might see baldies gate or whatever games i'm playing at the time (my chatter tag is personal.txt). i also like pokemon and i love biology and animals :) i have a cat named mittens

um what else. i play dark knight/summoner in xiv. my favourite zelda game is probably skyward sword. anon is off right now but you can send questions i love yapping and talking about whatever ^_^

here's a small snippet of my pokemon collection. thanks for reading and thank you for stopping by :)

#have you guessed what my favourite pokemon is? thats right! its gliscor 🙂#i do in fact have his + gligars sitting cutie but a lot of them ar eburied atm until i can get proper shelving/storage sorted #so . dont worry. i take care of them and i Do in fact have more #personal.txt #ill probably rb this later tonight or something just for full coverage. otherwise its business as usual i think

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revenantghost · 1 year

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Hey! So i must i adore you analysis on Wolfwood as you compared his story beats to maximum and how they got changed, something that I dont really see people commenting on

I must say however, do you think vash and wolfwood are bound to have the same kind of relationship they had in trimax? I adore stampede like crazy and was enjoying it so much until around ep 10/11 where it got cleared they were very much going a seemingly different route than what we thought. And to be honest the moment i saw they pumped Knives and Vash dynamic like crazy got me thinking tristamp will be completely about them and not also Vash and WW/others (which i think is as important as K and V for trigun to work out) or tristamp will be mostly Vash and Knives and WW and Livio.

You seek to have a super optimistic (lol) look for s2 and beyond so i wonder if you think (either by beats laid out by tristamp, maybe i am too blind or pessimistic to realize them) there may be something similar to vash and wolfwood’s relationship in trimax???

Oh man, thank you so much!!! I’m honestly so happy that people even read that rambling because it’s been driving me absolutely bonkers. (I’m just gonna link that post here in case anyone’s interested)

But tl;dr: I think that it’ll be similar! Honestly, I think the Vash and Wolfwood dynamics have to be similar, because that’s such an integral part of Trimax. I jokingly called it the Vash and Wolfwood show to a friend when I started reading it—and yeah, that sums up a lot. Though I REALLY see your worries about this. I think we got a much heavier dose of Vash and Knives to really make the stakes super personal, but I have a feeling Knives will fall into the more distant role he takes in Trimax because, as he says, Nai is dead. Long live Knives.

Tristamp season one is a prologue, confirmed by the team very purposefully calling the continuing work the final phase despite saying the sky is the limit on future content depending on fan support. It speed ran a lot of stuff, and I think that was knowingly done because the staff has stated multiple times that they needed everything to be as perfect as possible, but they didn’t know how it would do. I don't even know if they thought they could do a second season. Trigun has historically not been popular outside of the cult following ’98 had in the west—Trimax was just an afterthought that many fans hadn’t read before Tristamp grabbed us all by the throats.

To touch on the other relationships, I like that Tristamp is that it's already expanding on characters that I felt could have spent more time in the spotlight. Like, I'm very eager to see where they take the girls! Because Meryl’s falling into the same role but with a vastly different career in this, and she’s already way more present . Why are they following Vash? How present will the girls be? MILLY!!! With Meryl ripping down Vash’s wanted poster at the end of season one, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s her mission to clear Vash’s name, and hijinks ensue. She already has deeper ties to Wolfwood than any other version before, which makes both of them stronger for it. I’m nervous to see how this all plays out because change scares me and I love this story so much lmao, but I do think it’s good! I already went off about how I love how important Meryl already is in the story, she’s a foil to Vash and the faith in himself he never had, and I feel like that only strengthens and reflects against the foils Vash and Wolfwood have going on. And Milly! I’m so excited to see where they go with her.

But this does change everything with Wolfwood. I keep thinking that Tristamp has changed Wolfwood fundamentally and keep needing to go back and rewatch because he is Wolfwood. He’s younger and rougher around the edges, but he’s still that moron I know and love. (Sometimes I’ll be reading fic and I don’t even realize that the person’s only seen Tristamp because they just get him and the dynamic right—Orange is doing a good job even if it scares me deeply lol)

I do have complete faith that they need to and will let Vash and Wolfwood’s dynamic shine just as brightly as it does in Trimax. I think, actually, a lot of that comes from outside of the text, though I could probably do another rewatch to pick up on all the loose threads they’re laying down to grow Wolfwood’s character and his dynamic with Vash in particular.

First, a new bit of info I saw recently is that the director, Kenji Muto? Apparently hasn’t even seen ’98, or at least hadn’t seen it as of making season one. Of course there are other writers on staff, and the crew has admitted to being huge Trigun nerds, but if your only exposure to Trigun is Trimax??? Wolfwood is massively important to Vash. Doing that dirty would be greatest sin you could make against this franchise.

Second, Nightow is so involved in creating this. He was involved way before most manga authors are brought in on anime, and even said that pretty early on he basically gave it his blessing and said that they got Trigun. (Though he still approved everything from then on as well.) And Wolfwood and his story arc in Trimax is so powerful and so moving. Nightow obviously had some significant investment and emotion in it, in Wolfowod and Vash’s relationship and journey. Like, I cry at things sometimes, generally just ooze tears, but Nightow and this damn manga made me sob. I can’t imagine he would tell the crew they understood Trigun without Wolfwood’s character and his ties to Vash being a priority. I know typically Japanese creators won’t throw shade at adaptations like we see in Western realms, but I rarely see the level of enthusiasm Nightow has for this project.

Okay, because this is getting long, and I’m getting into Trimax spoilers next, putting this next bit under a cut, continue at your own risk.

It’s actually funny, because for the end of that Wolfwood post, before I started my rewatch for it, I originally had a pretty specific prediction about what would happen. Then the ‘sky’s the limit’ on future content came out, and idk what to expect. I thought that the next season was going to be the Vash and Wolfwood show ala Trimax, we were going to fall in love with Wolfwood, and we were gonna have him couched at the end of that season. Because the couch is so essential, it’s so critical, but my god do I want this man to survive the narrative, if only once, and have it mean just as much. (Can you tell I’m torn on this every second of every day of my entire life) And after writing up that whole post I’m even more confused because I have no idea where the fuck they’re taking him. But at the same time, we have major plot threads tying us to that scene so much earlier. The vials existing way earlier, Livio and Razlo being introduced, that line about grieving but still deserving to smile and eat that Wolfwood gives Vash in the episode he’s introduced??? We're making everything more coherent and tied together, and fuck, we're screwed.

For now, all I’ve got is that I think some shit is going to happen to Wolfwood during our two-year time skip, maybe something with Chapel, idk how they’re going to inevitably use Livio against us, but we saw a softer Wolfwood in Tristamp. He needs to harden to be who we know. Orange said they’re going to be more like their other selves here, and though Wolfwood already has some faith in Vash, but he does not have faith in humanity. That’s the growth we have yet to see, and that’s what is really at the core of their relationship and development. It’s still there.

Many people who read Trimax are absolutely gutted and wrecked by the couch. That defines a lot of readers’ experiences—Wolfwood’s character arc is an absolute masterclass in writing a satisfying and meaningful conclusion for a character. So for them to change this much about someone who is that important, they have to have a plan, and a damn good one for Nightow to sign off on it. I’ve seen folks talk about how apparently the team spent the most time working on Knives, Vash, and Wolfwood’s characters (this one I haven't seen a source for), but as you said, we can already see it in the brothers’ relationship. They have a plan for Wolfwood. It’s only a matter of time before we’re wrecked by it.

Yeah, they are gonna keep doing stuff that you or I won’t agree with, or that we think could be better. Every version of Trigun is pretty flawed in certain ways imo, even though it might be beautiful or a favorite piece of media. But all of the concerns of mine that Orange could answer in the first season, they did so with flying colors and blew me out of the water. So don’t get me wrong, I’m scared. I’m so fucking terrified. Both Vash and Wolfwood are my favorite characters in Trigun in such different, integral ways to me. I love them deeply. And Orange is changing so much.

But Orange adores Trimax as much as I do. Nightow is 500% on board. So I’m biting my nails about it, but I choose to have faith. We’ll get wrecked by this adaptation, and I’d bet money on it if I had any lol

OOF, THAT WAS LONG. I hope this was actually helpful/useful and not just incoherent feral rambling!

#Trigun #Trigun Stampede #Tristamp #Trimax #Trigun Maximum #Trigun Meta #I guess???#This feels like rambling more than meta but idk man #All of my 'meta' feels like feral ramblings to me #God I'm so sorry about this #Ask #Anon #Yadda yadda #My Trigun Meta

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gunsatthaphan · 5 months

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🏆 Top 10 of 2023 💫

a few anons have requested this and I was also kind of indirectly tagged by @blneobin, @elizabethsebestianhedgehog and @khaotungsfirst for slightly different posts but I decided to just combine them all into one 😄 hope that's fine with everyone ✌🏻

My watchlist wasn't very extensive this year due to time reasons but here are my personal highlights:

Don't think I have to explain much about this one lol (she says as she proceeds to write a whole paragraph) After the masterpiece that was The Warp Effect and the disaster that was Never Let Me Go, I was nervous about what Jojo was gonna cook up with this one lmao but luckily my fears were unjustified. The watching experience was absolutely insane and it turned me into a different person in the time between August and October lmao. It wasn't perfect, I got annoyed at times but overall it's undoubtedly my number 1 this year. SandRay my loves, my babes, my roman empire lmao. I loved their story so much, they were the main characters for me lol but it was such a good ensemble in general and each cast member was the perfect fit for their respective characters, including Mond as Boeing who was the cherry on top of all the madness and also my boy Mix as the first Only Friends Stay guest, leaving room for imagination lmao. It was raw, real and unapologetically chaotic aka my favorite kind of plot. pure perfection. Jojo outdid himself once again. 10/10.

No words just vibes. It went by SUPER fast and I'm still mad that they chose to air an 8 episode show twice a week like whose idea was that?? To air a treasure like this in the course of 4 weeks is more homophobic than Jim's family lmao. But anyway. Doesn't change the fact that it was an incredible production, so visually stunning, so carefully written and so well executed down to the tiniest detail. It deserves every single award it won because what a masterpiece. It made me extremely emotional but in the best way. I'm still in awe. amazing. life changing.

I kinda hate to admit this bc it was SO full of crack lmao but it was SO much fun?? I had low expectations but I had the best time from start to finish. It made me laugh so hard I frequently dislocated my lungs lmao, the overall watching experience was just incredible. Story-wise it was sprinkled with the typical Domundi nonsense, the surreal cartoonish vibes were dominating and it was overall another show where I couldn't tell you what the plot was afterwards lmao - but everyone who lived through the Cutie Pie experience wouldn't expect anything less from these people lol. I loved it.

We're only halfway through but I'm so obsessed with it that I'm including it lmao. It's SO adorable and pure, offgun are back with the puppy honey vibes in all of their fully evolved glory lol, the writing is excellent imo and it's the perfect balance between silly, cheesy and honest emotions, good communication and the notorious offgun magic lol. Whenever I say I want a good romcom, this is what I mean. I was so annoyed when it was announced as I was convinced it was gonna be a downgrade from Not Me but it's really not. It's just another show where OG can showcase their dynamic in a completely different setting. I love it.

I'm still having mixed feelings about this one due to obvious reasons but looking at it from the outside I have to include it because objectively speaking this was an excellent production. The narrative was intelligent and worked so well, my boy Gawin was shining so much as Pisaeng, I still can't believe he wasn't the first choice because he's literally the perfect fit for this. I loved the symbolism, the blossoming romance and just Pear. that's it. just. Her. she was incredible. G&K had good chemistry, I was struggling with K.'s presence but the show was just so good that it overshadowed the rest. Loved it.

This show got a lot of hate which I sort of understand as it was low budget, cheesy and with heavy lakorn vibes but on god it really hit the spot for me lmao. JaFirst are my runner-up babes lol, I love their dynamic so much and seeing them make their comeback in this with completely reversed roles had me squealing lol Punn was the most adorable cookie, others cringed, I blushed lmao I loved the setup so much and him and Achi were everything. period.

Another show that's still airing but I'm really liking it so I'm including it as well lol. It's surprisingly well written and Pavel is doing fantastic in his comeback, I had lowkey written him off after the disaster that was Coffee Melody but he's back stronger than ever. Love that for him. The rest of the cast is very solid too, a lot of familiar faces who all stepped up their acting game since I last saw them with a special shoutout to Thanapon who is doing amazing. The story is super interesting and goes so far beyond just the racing stuff which was my apprehension when starting it. And even the omegaverse stuff is not as bad as I thought (so far.. don't wanna jinx it lmao). It's overall doing very well. Love it.

This one also got a lot of backlash lol but I loved it!! JoongDunk are my second FirstKhao lmao they're very dear to me, their on-screen dynamic is good actor carries weak actor and I'm aware of that lmao but to me they just work so well. Idk what it is. Even though Dunk's acting leaves room for improvement, they have a ton of chemistry and they're mastering the secret crush plot. This was fun and light, not too serious and I found it very enjoyable. the only thing that irritated me was the butchering of AouBoom like what in the world was that. Tee probably added them because he had to and disregarded them in the process but their story was abysmal. But putting that aside, it was a very nice show.

This was very brief for Mame standards lol and I was considering dropping it after episode 2 but then it surprisingly picked up, I started to really get into the story and SunnyPak worked very well for me. I was surprised that they just disappeared afterwards as I was expecting MMY to milk them like the rest of their couples but oh well. Mame made her GL debut in this which I appreciated but I wish they had casted someone else as Marine because sorry sweetie but she was terrible lmao rip. Yiwa was a very sweet and likable character and she deserved a better partner. That plus the special episode being stupid as hell, It's getting raking #9 lol.

This whole season was... a very wild rollercoaster ride lmao. I would say it was a 50/50 for me, half of the episodes were fun and the other half were horrendous lol. My personal highlight were The Eclipse episodes, they were pure fluff and adorableness, paired with some minor dumb fights but overall this was exactly what I was craving after the ordeal AkkAye went through in The Eclipse lmao but also I could easily sit through 10 episodes of Akk and Aye just being cute and cuddly and doing absolutely nothing else because duh. They're my comfort couple 🥺 I also quite enjoyed the ATOTSxBBS crossover and also surprisingly the ABAAB and NLMG episodes were a lot of fun!

thank you 2023 for - once again - giving us good gay food lmao. here's to an even better 2024 🧡

#top 10 #bl dramas #bl drama #top 10 bls #top 10 of 2023 #🧡

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