#i'm not opposed to playing/reading them. but i need to be convinced.

[goldensunset]

Oooohhhh After the BW manga you wanna read the Kanto and Johto arcs so bad ooooohhhh l

two games i haven't even played????

[ghostofskywalker]

hi!! i love your writing so much!!

could i request a fake dating/undercover as a couple trope with hunter and a gender neutral reader? or just the prompt “Your flirting skills need work”

no pressure tho!! and thanks!!

hello! i'm so happy to hear you like my stories - thank you for the prompt and i hope you enjoy this one!!

words: 1,128

summary: in the middle of a crowded market on Ord Mantell, you have to get pretty up close and personal with Hunter. But it's only to make sure your covers aren't blown, what other reason would there be?

Play It Cool

clone troopers masterlist || request a winter ficlet!

Hunter was a genetically modified soldier who possessed a strength you could only ever dream of, and who had been trained for most of his life to be a terrifyingly effective combat operative. His face tattoo and the vibroblade that never left his possession also contributed to his menacing demeanor, especially to those who had made the mistake of opposing the Bad Batch.

He was also a terrible actor.

Usually that wouldn’t be a problem, but this time was different, because you were currently clutching his (way too sweaty) palm as you walked through one of Ord Mantell’s crowded night markets. You just had barely been able to convince one of the local shopkeepers (a sweet old Togruta who sold hand-woven clothes) that you two were a couple, simply based on the fact that his body language and expression made it seem like he didn’t want to be there.

“Your flirting skills need some serious work,” you hissed as you let go of his hand for a moment to wipe it on your pants. You could have said something about his sweaty hands too, but you chose to hold your tongue this time. “Did they not cover this in all your special training?”

“No, they didn’t,” Hunter hissed back. “I don’t think the Kaminoans ever considered that we’d be working with any other person, because we didn’t even have a Jedi.”

“Well, you’re compromising this assignment, so you need to act like you’re in love with me,” you said lowly, wishing things were different right now. This mission may only be a simple information retrieval, but you still had to make sure that the two of you didn’t stick out (more than you already did) among the usual shoppers and passerby of this particular market. Hunter didn’t respond, but you caught a glimpse of an expression you couldn’t quite read cross his face. As much as you would have loved these roles to be real, you didn’t think that was ever going to happen.

You didn’t blame him for not noticing the fact that you had an obvious crush on him. The crushing grip of the Empire’s fist was only growing stronger by the day, and the Bad Batch had a target on their back for simply being who they were. And so when Cid had asked you to do this for her (and suggested that you pretend to play lovers), you couldn’t help the way you agreed, simply because you didn’t know if you would ever be able to live the real thing. However, you could have never expected just how awkward Hunter was when it came to this stuff.

A few minutes after you spoke to the Togrutan shopkeeper, you noticed a burly looking Rodian hovering around the outskirts of the market, which certainly struck you as odd for this particular setting. Rodians weren’t uncommon on Ord Mantell, but you usually saw them in groups, and the expression on this one’s face (and the fact that he seemed dressed for combat) certainly seemed concerning.

After a subtle nod in his direction, you and Hunter began to tail him from a safe distance. Soon however, a clear issue arose: the Rodian had gone down an alley, and it would be considerably more difficult to follow him without raising any kind of suspicion.

Unless of course, he believed you were in the alley for a completely different reason.

With a silent sigh, you resigned yourself to your fate and tried to think of the best way to explain to Hunter what you were about to do. Eventually, you decided that it was probably best not to say anything, and instead just hope to the Maker that he trusted you enough to make the best decisions, and that things wouldn’t be too awkward between you two once this whole evening had concluded.

He looked a little confused as you began to drag him into the alley, because he had clearly weighed the options (and the risk) here. “Trust me,” you whispered, silently hoping that this was the right thing to do. Positioning yourself against the outside wall of a nearby building, you squeezed Hunter’s hand a little tighter and pulled him towards you, all while listening for any snippets of conversation deeper down the alley.

“We can get that to you,” a gruff voice said, and you knew that this was likely the information you were sent here to get. “For 300.”

“Fine. How long is it going to take?”

“A couple rotations maybe, but I’m sure we can work something out if you need it quicker than that.”

In order to keep up the ruse, you couldn’t exactly be taking notes as you listened, but you tried to commit all of that to memory for later. You also hoped that neither party would re-trace their steps towards where you were currently standing, but you weren’t that lucky, and soon you were faced the impending reality of being found out.

“I’m going to do something, and I need you to trust me,” you whispered. Hunter had barely began to nod when the footsteps started to grow closed, and all you could do was grab his face and kiss him.

You weren’t a trained actor, if you wanted a kiss to look real it had to be real (to a certain extent). The shadows offered some form of cover for all this, but it wasn’t enough. You had originally planned to keep an ear out for any kind of trouble, but the fact that Hunter’s lips were so soft, and that you had been dreaming of this moment for quite some time, really made it hard to concentrate. That, and the fact that he had moved both his hands down to rest on your waist as he kissed you.

When you finally did pull away from him (and made sure the coast was clear), you immediately apologized. “I’m sorry for springing that on you, but we didn’t have that much time.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” he said.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to make things weird between us and-”

“Y/N,” he said, cutting you off. “Everything is fine.”

You nodded, not sure what else to say. You wanted to kiss him again, but now did not seem like the right time for that. All you could do was hope that one day you would be able to admit how you felt about him to his face, and that he felt the same way about you.

And as the two of you walked back through the market with the intention of heading back to Cid’s, you did realize one pretty important thing.

Hunter was still holding your hand, and it felt a lot more natural this time around.

- the end -

i no longer have a taglist! if you're interested in being notified when i post, you can follow my library blog @ghostofskywalker-library and turn on notifications!

[lost-technology]

The Twin's Dossiers

So, something I've been thinking about a lot and something I have seen speculation about, both on tumblr and on the sketchiness that is TV Tropes: The Dossiers of the twins on the Project SEEDS computer in where the Tesla record is being stored. It has information on Kni (Nai) and Vash, with Vash's file expressly in with Tesla's folder, which alarms a lot of fans. And a lot of us are wondering how did it get there? I've wondered, was it just a computer record the ship just does automatically about whatever goes on in it? Did Rem input the data for, say, health-information reasons (presumably to delete it all later?) Was it...for sinister reasons? Or did William Conrad come along and input it? I believe that Conrad did it.

It's possible that I'm wrong and will be eating crow when the second season of Stampede comes out, but as of now, I believe that it makes the best sense. There isn't a record of them like this in the manga. There is the Tesla record, but no trace of them on the main ship's computer.

First of all, I'm not sure the ship's computer would just be tracking them and making its own record, even with advanced AI, nor would have a deliberate file-placement. Second, Rem isn't stupid. She tells Nai to eat and drink like a human and to hide his powers. She does this for a reason. It is doubtful that she would keep records that the rest of the crew could be in danger of discovering should an emergency happen with the ship that would cause them to wake up. Third, the idea that Rem would have something sinister in mind for them is grossly out of character. I've seen that idea fronted. I think those people haven't read the manga. That leaves... The bastard, himself. In the manga, Conrad had opposed the experiments on Tesla along with Rem (according to her). He met Vash and Knives briefly when he'd not gone back to sleep right after the emergency situation on the ship and had snuck around. He was accepting of them, found them quite a wonderment and agreed with Rem to keep them a secret. He later wound up being recruited by Knives, but was more of his personal doctor / Plant-scientist and wasn't involved with the Gung Ho Guns / was just another recruit, held at literal knife-point and looking for atonement. In Stampede, he took a level in Asshole. He wasn't the greatest of guys in the manga, but he took a real hit in Stampede, doing gruesome human experimentation on Wolfwood and Livio personally, as well as on Rollo (who is sort of a new, Stampede-only character given how much he differs from the original Monev's origins). In Stampede, much like the recruitment meeting in the manga - Knives knew Conrad. He sought him out. While Knives *could* have found out Conrad purely from records, I think they'd met before, on the ship, just like in the manga. So.... since these suspicious dossiers exist, since Knives knew Conrad on sight and since Conrad is much more of a bastard in Stampede, (I think he was more involved with Tesla, too) I'm going to wager a guess that an incident happened like what happened in the manga with the crew waking up, Rem putting them back to beddy-bye, Conrad staying awake to meet the twins... And then at some point, putting their data into his research-computer. In other words, I think in the reboot, he gave Rem false assurances, convinced her of his remorse over Tesla when he probably wasn't as remorseful as he let on. Or perhaps something more complicated is afoot. Nai he saw as a "perfect being" - untouchable, the perfect bridge between Plants and Humans. Meanwhile, Vash is in the same folder as Tesla - perhaps, as a Plant with some human needs (food / water / sleep) and no apparent powers (until the push-pull thing comes into play), Conrad sees him as "the expendable twin," and thus a good test subject model, just like Tesla. He certainly treated Vash as such in the Soup.

[underoospeterparker]

hi! Im not quite sure if your requests are open at the moment, but I was wondering if you could possibly write a Poly! Marauders x reader? Maybe where the reader talks a lot and is ignored by parents and friends of is yelled at often for small nervous habits they do unconsciously? You don't have to ofc!

Love ur work!!

hi guys! i've been inactive for a while, trying to focus on schoolwork and things, but now i have some time so i thought i would write something! i'm sorry if i didn't respond to any requests, ill try to get those done asap. thanks so much! love u guys<3

to anon: ofc! hope i did this one right:) i kind of did it more hurt/comfort cause you guys know i love my comfort trope<3 also if you didn't want it like this, don't hesitate to send me another req if this was too over the top with the hurt, or you didn't like the tropes:)

warnings: implied and referenced abuse, mention of sirius's past trauma & abuse, feeling not good enough, insecurity, shy!reader, introverted!reader, bruises, hurt/comfort, crying

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"(y/n!)" you snapped out of your daydream, blinking your eyes lazily as your focus adjusted to your surroundings. "ignoring us is not okay, (y/n). you need to tell us why you are behind in your classes. you're not doing good enough. we need you to stop getting distracted and focus on your work." your dad scolded you.

"argus, don't you think you're being a bit too rough on her?" your mother said quietly. "i'm sure she's doing her-"

"eleanor, don't interrupt me," your dad said quietly. that shut your mother up, and she said nothing else. you felt for her in that moment, being trapped in a relationship where she couldn't say anything, couldn't voice her own opinions because they would get shut down every single time.

it scared you to think of ever being in a marriage like theirs. because of your parents, you had trust issues, and you didn't think you could let anyone into your heart because of how your parents ended up.

they were high school sweethearts, fell in love at the young age of 16. as a kid, you would look through old boxes in cupboards, filled with old pictures of your mother and father at your age. it was crazy to think that they too fell in love, just like you.

but how their love ended up petrified you. how they thought their love would never end but it did, when you were born. you'd never seen your parents happy, let alone happy together.

playing with your fingers to try and distract yourself from the conversation you were having, you thought of your own relationship with your boyfriends. it was the complete opposite of your parents. they were comforting, respectful, caring and they always loved you no matter what.

your thoughts were interrupted by your father's voice. "for god's sake, stop fidgeting like that!" he yelled, and grabbed your wrists tightly, making you flinch. you could already feel the bruises forming.

"i'm sorry. i'll work harder," you murmured, eyes focused on the floor. you couldn't meet their eyes. you knew you were a disappointment to them. it just hurt too much to even look at them.

THE NEXT DAY

hogwarts was made for gifted witches and wizards. although you were relatively smart, you had to work really hard to get good grades, as opposed to some of your friends who barely studied and still managed to get exceptional grades. it infuriated you.

you had managed to convince two of your friends to help you study, as they were really good at astronomy.

at the library, you were excitedly telling your friends about a new book you were reading. you continued, a huge smile on your face, saying, "and so then, the she finally gets together with him, and it's just so dreamy and i-"

"oh my god, (y/n)! are you done?" your friend snapped at you. she looked extremely annoyed at you, and once you glanced at the clock you saw that you'd only been speaking for a few minutes. you didn't get why she had to be so annoyed with you. you didn't do anything wrong, did you?

your smile dissolved, and you quietly said, "yeah."

your friend then proceeded to tell you guys about her new relationship with cedric, who you didn't care about in the least. "i'm just gonna go up to the dormitories," you said quietly, excusing yourself. your friends didn't even notice your departure.

what kind of friends were they? they hurt your feelings, always making you feel worthless, just like your parents. your boyfriends had told you they were both wastes of time but you had ignored them.

'where are they, anyways?' you thought to yourself as you looked around for your boyfriends. you needed them right now. tears pooled behind your lash line as you thought about what had happened.

you felt almost guilty for wanting to see your boyfriends. you didn't want them to pity you, and so you went up to your dormitory, which was completely empty at this early hour. falling face flat onto your bed, you finally let your tears fall.

a few minutes later, you heard a knock at the door, then a soft, "baby? are you in there?" it sounded like james, and you sobbed quietly at his voice, at the comfort it brought you even without seeing him.

"c'mon, let us in," remus said through the door.

"please?" sirius chimed in. "if you don't, we'll feed you to the rats."

"pads!" james whisper-screamed. "why would you say that?"

you smiled. they could easily cheer you up, even just their voices.

you grabbed your wand off the bedside and undid the lock on the door. your boyfriends came bursting in, not expecting the sudden movement, and they caught sight of you on your bed.

"oh, sweetheart," rem said softly.

making his way over to you, he pulled you into his lap and your legs encircled his waist. you let your head fall into his chest and his hand came up to smooth your hair. "shhh," he cooed into your ear. "it's okay."

jamie was already on the other side of you, thumb stroking your palm, already warming you up. you winced slightly as his thumb pressed on your bruise from yesterday.

siri sat on the bed opposite you, and his eyes darkened protectively when he saw the bruises lining your wrists. "pup, what's this?"

for a second you were confused, then you realised what he was talking about. your eyes grew wide as you said, "it's nothing, siri, I promise." you knew about his past, you didn't want to bring it up and have him do something he would regret.

"no, sweetheart," sirius put a finger under your chin, tilting your head so your eyes could meet his. "who did this to you?"

your eyes filled with tears and the anger on his face softened, but he was still inquisitive. "dad," you mumbled under your breath. "but it wasn't his fault, i was being a brat, and-" your tears came back full force, and you whispered, "and i'm not good enough for them." you laughed wetly, then continued. "my friends ignore me. they probably think I'm stupid and useless. i don't deserve to be here. it's all my fault for being friends with them. it's my fault for not working hard enough for my parents."

the boys exchanged a look over your head. their princess, believing she wasn't good enough? well, they couldn't have that.

sirius lifted his hand from your chin to cup your cheek. you leaned against the warmth radiating from his palm, tears still silently flowing down your face. "it's not your fault," he murmured. "it's never your fault. please remember that, baby."

"you deserve everything and more," james said softly.

remus hugged you tightly against his chest. "don't let anyone ever tell you different, princess."

you cried into remus's sweater, letting out everything you'd felt the past few days. they let you cry, knowing it'd be useless to try and get you to stop. you needed a good cry.

"i'm so-"

"don't you dare apologise." sirius's eyes grew serious. "otherwise we're truly feeding you to the rats."

you giggled, hand coming up to wipe your tears but james did it for you himself. they really treated you like their princess.

"i love you guys," you mumbled, sniffling quietly.

their faces softened. "love you too, bug."

[svngiem-remade]

hi! i saw your post about mtl requests !! can we maybe see mtl likely to date a foreigner or mtl likely to ghost you for a couple of days?

-⚡️

#! — MTL TO GHOST YOU FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS | in SKZ

genre. slice of life.

wc. 546

note. I feel like I'm qualified enough to judge this as a serial ghoster myself 🤭 hope you enjoy, tho it's very simple and not proofread :(

bang chan

yeah, he’s at the top of this list, who could've seen this coming? he’s NEVER on his phone, and I’m 100% convinced he checks his messages and calls only once or twice every two/three days. if you need to speak with him urgently, you either have to barge in his dorm or studio or text another member and ask them to tell him to check his phone. he’s just so overworked and tired he genuinely forgets to text and call you back :(

longest he’s ever ghosted you: 6 days.

seo changbin

same situation as chan. spends most of his time either working with 3racha on new songs or at the gym (he’s DEFINITELY a gym rat, fight me), while the rest is spent eating and sleeping away, so I think the last thing on his mind is being on his phone— though he always makes it up to you by surprise visiting you after work.

longest he’s ever ghosted you: 4 days.

hwang hyunjin

it would be a rare occurrence since he’s always on his phone, either taking selfies, scrolling on his social media or playing random games, but when he feels the need to take a break from the internet, he turns his phone and other devices off to spend time alone and focus on his hobbies and interests. though he wouldn't be opposed to you visiting him and spending time together :)

longest he’s ever ghosted you: 3 days.

han jisung

this man right here is always, and I repeat— ALWAYS at your apartment, so he doesn't feel the need to answer your texts and calls as soon as you send them— I mean, he already spends 90% of his time with you, why stress?

longest he’s ever ghosted you: 1 day.

lee felix

why do I feel like he’d ghost you only if he was really angry at you for some reason or if he lost track of time while scrolling tik tok and forgot to answer your texts 💀

longest he’s ever ghosted you: 12 hours.

yang jeongin

chronically online— that’s how I would describe him. he’s always sending you OOTD, random videos, pictures and selfies, so I think you’d be the one to start ghosting him after some time lmao. but if he ever ignores your calls and texts, concerts, group practices or schedules that keep him from checking them are to blame.

longest he’s ever ghosted you: 8 hours.

lee minho

this man is constantly on his phone, and his bubble profile is the proof— like, when is he NOT on it? so if he isn't answering your calls and texts, it’s either completely accidental or on purpose, oop—

longest he’s ever ghosted you: 5 hours.

kim seungmin

basically ghosts anyone but you. he always misses you and wants to keep up with what you’re doing and talk to you as much as possible, especially if it’s a long distance relationship :( the only time he did ghost you though was during an award show, given that he couldn't use his phone and read your “hope you have a good time, puppy!” text until he sat down in the company car hours later. needless to say, he felt so guilty he immediately called you.

longest he’s ever ghosted you: 3 hours.

please reblog, comment and like, feedback is very much appreciated, plus, I love reading your thoughts!

→ masterlist.

— pink = was unable to tag!

taglist : @strayingawayy | @shinsosmatcha | @zoe8stay | @sensitiveandhungry | @baby-photos0325 | @tinkerbell460

© SVNGIEM, 2023.

[mystique-6]

Kinktober (It's really Whumptober) Day 7: Spanking

 Summary: Ailis' unresolved trauma is triggered and she takes her feelings of guilt and remorse out on her companions. Astarion makes her pay a price for it.

Hello! My hyperfixation on Astarion has got me in the writing mood so I will be participating in Kinktober using @flightlessangelwings Kinktober list. The pieces may be part of a bigger fic(s). I have started the fic. If you like this please consider checking out my main fic, This is Me Trying. (Can you tell I like Taylor Swift?) Either way, I hope you enjoy. I do plan on completing the 31 prompts though it will take me past October. I also have the fic posted on AO3.

Warning: Anyone under 18 do not interact. Please pay attention to the tag warnings below.

Tag Warnings: Spanking, Light BDSM, Safe, Sane and Consensual, Un-Resoled Trauma, Guilt, Survivor's Guilt, Nudity, Snuggling & Cuddling, Aftercare, Whump, No Sex, NSFW

Additional Note: This fic involves Spawn Astarion. I have stated that some of these prompts will be used in my main BG3 fic, This is Me Trying. This one definitely will be. This is actually a very important chapter for my OC and I saw an opportunity to have a practice run of the chapter. I'm glad I did it because I know now for sure that a flashback chapter will be needed. This ended up being too much exposition. Still, I hope there will be some people who enjoy this fic. If you are reading This is Me Trying and don't want spoilers though, you may want to skip this one.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from BG3.

        

  Ailis felt her headache growing as her group argued over how to rescue the tieflings…again.  Two days ago, they’d entered the Shadow-Cursed lands.  Earlier this day they’d met a group of Harpers and had helped them in a battle against a batch of shadow monsters.  This had gotten them an invite to the Last Light Inn, the final sanctuary left in these lands.

            Once there, they’d been revealed as true souls.  The leader of this faction of Harpers, Jaheira, had made to attack her group, but thankfully the tiefling child, Mol, had convinced the woman to give them a chance.  It was clear now, though, that Jaheira just saw her group as a tactical maneuver.  She wanted them to use their status as true souls to infiltrate Moonrise Towers and find a way to kill Kethric Thorm; the person who had taken over these lands.

            She didn’t necessarily oppose to looking into Kethric Thorm.  He seemed to be involved with the Absolute Cult and they were in desperate need of answers about their tadpoles.  Looking into Thorm and getting information on the Absolute and their tadpoles aligned with each other.  However, Jaheira also wanted them to go on a rescue mission.

            While her team had scouted around the inn on their arrival, they found some of the tieflings they’d helped at the grove.  About half of the group was missing.  It turned out that the road they had intended to follow to Baldur’s Gate had been destroyed.  They had opted to travel above land through all the Shadow-Curse instead of cutting out most of it by going through the Underdark.  The group had been attacked by Absolute cultists.  Many had been killed or captured, but the rest had found their way here.

            Ailis was sympathetic to their plight.  She could feel the hopelessness, grief, and guilt from those who remained.  She couldn’t stop Rolan’s angry words towards her earlier in the day from playing on repeat in her head.  But they had their own problems.  They needed to start putting their whole attention on getting rid of these tadpoles.

            “This arguing is ridiculous!”  Wyll’s shout caught her attention.  He made eye contact with her.  “Chief, tell this lot we need to save the tieflings first.  Thorm can wait.”

            “If we go in and bust their prisoners out, we’ll make the cultists hostile towards us and we won’t be able to get the information we need,” Shadowheart protested.  “The tieflings have to wait.”

            “There are ways around that,” Gale said.  “We could use confusion spells or disguise spells.  Or we could make it look like the prisoners broke out themselves.”

            “That seems like a lot of effort when we can just rescue them after we take care of Thorm,” Shadowheart said.

            “I agree with Shadowheart,” Lae’zel said.  “Though it pains me to say it.”

            “This is getting ridiculous,” Wyll sighed.  “Ailis, come on.  Set this lot straight.”  She felt a surge of anger course through her.  She always had to be the one to solve all their problems or play mediator.  It was growing tiresome.  It was draining her.  It was too big of a job with this crew.  She could feel her skin crawl with anxiety over the overwhelming job of managing all their egos.  Her nerves prickled at their expectant stares.

            “Ailis…” 

            “We don’t have time to be wasting on the tieflings again,” she snapped as her emotions boiled over.  A part of her was horrified at what had just spewed from her mouth and her gut roiled with guilt from the shocked and dismayed looks on Karlach’s and Wyll’s faces. 

            “I’m surprised to hear you say that,” Gale said in a saddened tone.

            “As am I,” Lae’zel agreed.  “I didn’t think you had it in you to ignore people in need.”

            “Oh please,” she said.  “I’m hardly a hero.”

            “You are to these tieflings,” Karlach stated.

            She ignored a fresh stab of guilt and shook her head.  “We need to focus on these tadpoles,” she said.  “We don’t have time to spend on a group of people who are clearly doomed.”

            “Wow,” Shadowheart said.  “I would expect that level of callousness from Astarion, but not you.”

            “Well, that’s rather rude,” Astarion whined.  “I probably would have kept that thought to myself.  Probably.”

            Ailis sighed.  “Look, what happened to the tieflings is tragic, but we need to focus on our own problem,” she said.

            “Then it’s settled.  We’ll investigate Thorm, and then we can free the tieflings,” Shadowheart said sounding pleased.

            “Well, that depends on what we find out about these tadpoles while looking into Thorm,” Ailis replied.  “Don’t forget these parasites are time sensitive.  At some point we will transform into mindflayers.  If we discover that’s going to be sooner rather than later, we won’t have time for the tieflings.”

            “You’re seriously saying you don’t want to help the tieflings at all?!” Karlach cried angrily.

            “I’m saying, that our tadpole problem is more important right now,” she said.

            “I suppose if we take out Thorm, that would make it possible for the Harpers to help the tieflings,” Gale cut in.  The wizard was always trying to find the middle ground.  He wanted so desperately to be liked.  She usually found this endearing, but right now it only fueled her anger.

            “I suppose that’s an option if we need to take out Thorm at all,” she muttered.  More incredulous looks greeted her.

            “If we need to take out Thorm?” Wyll repeated, astonished.  “Ailis, have you not paid attention to these realms?  Look what the man has done!”

            “What he’s done doesn’t concern us,” she argued.  “Our focus is getting rid of these tadpoles and if we can do that without spending time killing Thorm, then that’s what we’ll do.  End of discussion.”

            “I think there’s a lot more to discuss,” Karlach snapped.  The floor around her began growing scorch marks.

            “Easy now,” Wyll soothed.  “There’s no need to get worked up.  This is just a disagreement.”

            “One that we’ll all work out,” Shadowheart added.  Ailis snorted and the cleric glared at her.  “And what did that mean?”

            “Oh, I just thought what you said was amusing,” Ailis replied.  “‘We’ll work it out’ Ha!”

            “What are you getting at, Ailis?” Shadowheart snapped.

            “I just think it’s cute that you think you all will figure it out,” she replied.  “What you really mean is I will figure it out because I am always the one to figure out what we’re doing.  I am always the one who manages everyone’s opinions to come up with a solution.  I am the one who manages everyone’s ginormous egos!”

            “Now, that’s not really being fair,” Gale tried to intervene.

            “Fair?” she shrieked.  “No!  What’s not fair is dumping all your trauma on me and expecting me to deal with it for you.”

            “Darling, I think you…”

            “Don’t ‘darling’ me,” she snapped at Astarion.  “I have to do everything for everyone!  And no one ever helps me.  No one ever checks in on me to see how I’m doing.  So the only one whose opinion matters here is mine.  We need to learn about these tadpoles.  If that leads us to needing to take out Thorm fine, but if not, our next step is whatever gets rid of these parasites.”

            “You’re out of line, Ailis,” Shadowheart growled.

            “Now, hold on,” Wyll intervened.  “Ailis did make some fair points.  We could put more effort into controlling our emotions and…egos.  However, Ailis, you are the leader of this group and it’s your job to…”

            “Yes, I am the leader and I’m doing my job,” she cut him off.  “I’ve told you what we’re going to do.  That’s the end of the discussion.”

            “So, we just have to do what you say now?  Our opinions don’t matter?” Shadowheart scoffed.

            “That’s exactly, right,” Ailis replied coolly.

            “And if we’re not willing to go along with that?” Shadowheart asked through gritted teeth.

            “Then you can leave,” Ailis said.  She knew she was going too far, but she couldn’t stop herself.  She couldn’t bring herself to back down.  The frustration of the last few weeks was bubbling over.  Still, her guilt increased at the look of hurt on her companions’ faces.

            “You’d really kick out any who disagreed with you?” Lae’zel asked in a tone of surprise.

            “Don’t tell me you suddenly disagree with that philosophy,” Ailis replied.  “You’d have had me kick out most of this group a few weeks ago.”

            “I…”

            “You know what?  I’m done with this,” Ailis cried.  “Whoever decides to join me, meet back here in the morning.”  She turned and stormed out of the building.  She stalked angrily down to camp and began pacing the rocky shores of the lake nearby.  As she paced, she could feel her anger and anxiety turn inwards.  She shouldn’t have yelled at them.  They didn’t deserve that.  She just couldn’t stop thinking of Rolan’s words from earlier that day.  He was right.

            “You’re going to burn a hole in the ground if you keep pacing like that,” Astarion’s snide voice called out.

            Ailis glanced up at him and scowled.  “Go away, Astarion,” she said.  “I don’t want to talk right now.”

            “Yes, I gathered that,” he replied sitting down on a large boulder.  “Still, someone needed to check on you.”

            “And they decided to send you?” she asked.

            “I sent myself,” he replied sounding a little annoyed.  A stern look crossed his face when he noticed her look of disbelief.  “I’m not completely callous to your well-being, Ailis.  I care that something is clearly upsetting you.  Why don’t you tell me what it is?”

            “You don’t want to know,” Ailis replied bitterly.

            “Ah, but I do,” he said.  “It must be something big to make you go off like that.  Now go on and tell me.  It will make you feel better.”  She began to pace again.

            “You just want me to go back to being complacent,” she grumbled.  “You don’t care.  You just don’t like it when I’m a bitch, but it’s not my…”  She cut off when he stepped in front of her to stop her pacing, and gripped onto her shoulders.

            “You’re not a bitch, Ailis.  You’re just upset.  And yes, I do care,” he said.  “If you talk to me about whatever has you so upset, maybe you’ll feel better.”

            “I…I can’t,” she replied.

            “Yes, you can, darling,” he said.  “Just tell me what has you upset.  It was what Rolan said, wasn’t it?  You’ve looked agitated since that conversation.”

            “I can’t tell you.  You’ll leave if I tell you.  You all will,” she cried, tearing herself out of his grip.  She began pacing anxiously again.  This time, he didn’t try to stop her.

            “No one’s leaving, darling,” he said.

            “You would if you knew,” she said.  “You’d have never agreed to travel with me if you knew.”

            “Well, now I think I have to know,” he said, trying to teaser her to a lighter mood.

            “I’m serious, Astarion,” she replied, though she did stop pacing.

            Astarion nodded.  “I’m sorry, darling,” he said.  “Still, I think you better tell me.  I think it will help.”  She sighed and closed her eyes.  She opened them when she felt his arm wrap around her waist, and he led her over to the boulder he’d sat on before.  “Here.  Sit down here and we’ll talk.”  She gathered herself for a moment and stared out at the still water of the lake.

            “This isn’t my first time leading a group of people,” she said slowly.

            “I gathered that,” Astarion replied.  “You lead troops in the Espax War, didn’t you?”

            “Yes, and I have plenty of guilt over that, but that’s not what’s bothering me now,” she said, and then glanced up at him.  “How much do you know about the Espax War?”

            Astarion shook his head.  “Nothing,” he replied.  “I’d get bits of news when hunting targets, but that’s it.  Espax is a long way from Baldur’s Gate.”

            Ailis nodded.  “The war started as a rebellion against Espax’s government,” she began to explain.  “By all accounts, Espax had an incredibly corrupt government.  There were two factions running the rebellion.  Both wanted to take out the existing government, but their ideas for the future government differed.”

            “A recipe for disaster,” Astarion commented.

            “Exactly,” she said.  “The factions managed to overthrow the original government, but they couldn’t agree with each other enough to build a new one.  They began fighting and it turned into a full out war.  Both sides began recruiting soldiers, originally from their own people.  However, one faction was more popular than the other amongst Espax’s citizens and most went to fight for them.”

            “So, the faction you fought under had to resort to other methods of recruitment,” Astarion said.

            “By the time I was press-ganged into service most of the people fighting were doing so unwillingly,” Ailis replied.  “Even those who had originally joined freely had turned against this faction by that point.  They committed horrendous atrocities.  Many even said they’d rather have the old government back than continue to support this one.”

            “And you led people in attempts to escape?” he asked.  “Or overthrow?”

            “Escape,” she answered.  “When I first got there, I tried to escape on my own.  When that didn’t work, I started recruiting others who wanted to leave.  There were a few of these attempts.  They all ended with many of my group dead or tortured as punishment.”  Her hand came up to her face to worry at the deep scar running down her cheek to her jaw.  She had a smaller one below her right eye.

            Astarion gently moved her hand away from the scar and rested their intwined hands on his lap.  “Is that how you got those scars?” he asked.  “Trying to escape?”

            “Helping someone else to escape,” she said and then smiled bitterly at his incredulous expression.  “I had given up trying to escape by the time I got these scars.”

            “But you were still helping others to escape?” he questioned.

            “Not at first.  For a while I just gave up and did what they wanted me to,” she said.  “I’d accepted it as a just punishment for my previous crimes.  I proved to be a good soldier.  After a while they trusted me with training new recruits and then leading small groups in battle.  Eventually, I began to form friendships with others there.  The two relevant to this story were Nash and Marissa and her three kids…”

            “Kids?” Astarion said.  He looked surprised.

            She nodded.  “They recruited anyone they could,” she said.  “They’d take criminals being transported to the gallows like I was to travelers just passing through.  Many of the travelers had children.”

            “Is that what happened to your friend?” he asked.

            “No,” she replied.  “Marissa was in the war almost from the beginning.  Her husband was part of the rebellion and was a supporter of this faction.  Marissa had no idea until after he was killed in one of the first skirmishes.  The faction blamed her husband for the loss of so many lives in that skirmish and so did a lot of the dead’s’ families.  The faction told her if she worked for them, they’d forgive her husband’s failure and keep her and her children safe.

            “There was no choice for her.  She agreed.  She mostly did secretarial work for them.  She wasn’t thrown into battle until the last few years when things were growing increasingly desperate,” she explained.

            “They started putting the kids into battle, didn’t they?” Astarion guessed.

            Ailis nodded.  “When I first arrived, all children stayed in camp,” she said.  “The older kids kept the barracks in order and watched their younger siblings.  But the war wasn’t going well and they couldn’t get enough soldiers.  In the penultimate year of the war, they decreed sons that were fourteen or older would be put into battles.  They would ‘try and keep them off the frontlines’ they said, but we all knew they’d end up there eventually.

            “Marissa was beside herself with worry.  Her oldest son was nine months off from fourteen,” she continued.  “We all saw the war would be ending soon, but not soon enough for her son.  On a night off, me and our other friend, Nash, took her out for drinks to let her vent her worries.  She kept repeating that she had to do something.  That she couldn’t let this happen to her son.”

            Ailis closed her eyes and sighed.  “I was the one who suggested escaping,” she said.  “Marissa was hesitant about it at first.  Punishment for runaways by this point in the war was almost always death, and if they didn’t kill you, they’d make you wish they had.”  She worried at her scar again.

            “You got her to agree to the attempt though, didn’t you?” Astarion said.

            “She came around to the idea,” Ailis said.  “She didn’t like it though.  It didn’t sit well with her.  She didn’t think it was fair that just she and her kids would get out.”

            “Why would she care about that?” Astarion asked perplexed.  “She should have just worried for herself…and her kids, I guess.”  Exasperation and amusement settled across her expression.  The vampire spawn’s lack of empathy tended to reveal itself in inopportune times.  There was no point admonishing him, though.  She’d accepted by this point there were some things Astarion would just never truly understand.

            “Marissa wanted to get more people out,” she continued.  “After some convincing she got me and Nash on board.  Well, she got me on board.  Nash only agreed to it because I was going to be involved.”

            “You and him were involved?” Astarion asked.  She could see he was trying to just sound curious, but she heard a jealous note in his tone.

            “We had an arrangement.  Like ours, really,” she admitted.  “There weren’t any deep feelings.  We both got what we wanted out of the other.  And Nash wasn’t exactly hard to look at.”

            Astarion snorted.  “So, did it work?” he asked.  “Whatever plan you concocted to free people.”

            “For a time,” Ailis said, “but after six or seven months they were cracking down.  Nash insisted we had to stop, at least for some time.  But Marissa’s son would be turning fourteen in just over a month and there was already talk of lowering the age to thirteen.  I insisted that we do one last escape to get Marissa and her kids out.

            “Nash didn’t like it but he agreed if it was just Marissa and her kids I led out.  The night started like every other escape night, but…it all went wrong,” she said, closing her eyes against the painful memory.

            “Nash betrayed you,” Astarion said.

            “No.  Not Nash,” Ailis said.  “The night guard he bribed to ignore anyone he saw escaping.  He might not have done so willingly.  I’ll never know.  They killed him.  Guns went off when we breached the camp.  We ran off into the woods, but they knew our routes.  Marissa and I tried to gather the kids together and come up with an alternate route, but a soldier shot off a gun near us and her little girl ran off frightened right into the open and they…they shot her.”

            “Ailis…”       

            “We went back with them after that,” she continued through her tears.  “They brought us to the General’s tent to interrogate us.  They wanted to know everyone who was involved in the operation.  We did our best to conceal who’d been involved, but in doing so, Marissa incriminated herself by admitting it had been her idea to help families escape.  I tried to intervene; to convince them it was all on me.  I had the history of escape attempts, not Marissa.  All my attempts got me was a knife to the face.  They then forced me to watch as they killed Marissa.  They killed my friend right in front of me and her remaining children.  That was my punishment.  They wouldn’t kill me.  I was too useful to them.”

            “What happened to her two sons?” Astarion asked.

            “Nash got them out,” she replied woodenly.  “He was high ranking in the army.  One of the lead officers had a niece who couldn’t have children.  They lived away from the fighting.  They weren’t involved at all.  They were willing to take them in.”

            “Nash couldn’t have done anything for you or Marissa when you were captured?” he asked.  She could tell he was judging her old friend.

            “No,” she replied, harshly.  “He made it very clear from the beginning when we were planning the operation he wouldn’t lose his position for something he thought was foolish.  He did what he could for us when we were captured and that’s it.  What happened to Marissa and her daughter wasn’t his fault.”

            “It wasn’t your fault either, Ailis,” Astarion said.  “None of what you’ve just told me was your fault.”

            “It was though,” she insisted.  “If I hadn’t planted the idea of escape in her mind, Marissa wouldn’t have thought to include other people in it.  I should have insisted that night that we would only get her and her kids out.  Or I should have caved and agreed with Nash.  He had high rank.  There were things he could have done to keep her son safe.

            “I got Marissa killed.  I got her daughter killed.  I got all the people from my original escape attempts killed,” she said.  “I can’t help the tieflings.  I’ll get them killed.  I’m going to get everyone killed!”

            “Ailis, darling, look at me.  Look at me!” he repeated when she turned her face away.  She reluctantly turned and met his gaze.  He looked very concerned.  “Ailis, what happened to your friend and the others was not your fault.”

            “It was.  I…”

            “Did you force them to try and escape?” he asked.

            “What?” she cried, confused.

            “Did you force them to try and escape?” he repeated.  “Did you threaten pain or death if they didn’t follow you?  Did you blackmail them into joining you?”

            “No!” she cried, appalled.  “Of course not!”

            “Were they aware of the risks they were taking when they agreed to join you?” he grilled.  “Did you tell them the potential consequences?”

            “Yes.  I drilled it into them what could happen if we failed,” she replied.  “Astarion, why…”

            “I’m asking you, darling, because I’m trying to understand why you think you’re at fault,” he said.  “Based on everything you’re telling me, you only gave everyone an option to join you.  You didn’t force them.  You let them know the risks so they made informed decisions.  I’m failing to see how you bare any responsibility for what happened.”

            “I led the attempts.  I was responsible for all their lives.  I am responsible for their deaths,” she said.  “You should leave.  You should let the others know what a failure I am and leave.  Nothing good will come of following me.”

            “I’m not leaving, Ailis,” Astarion said.  “And neither is anyone else.  If you told the others what you just told me they’d tell you the same thing I am.  What happened was not your fault.”

            “I was responsible for all of them.  That makes it…”           

            “That does not make it your fault,” he said firmly.  He gave her a soft expression and gently wiped tears from her face.  “The burden of the failures may be ours, but what happened to those people…that’s not your fault.”

            “You’ll feel differently when I get you and our companions killed,” she whispered.

            “You’re not going to get us killed, Ailis,” he said.  “We’re all getting out of this alive.  We’re not like your previous groups.  You have a group of skilled individuals with you.  You’re not alone in defending everyone.  You have us to reply on.  Everything is going to be fine.”

            “You don’t know that,” she said.

            “No, but I have a feeling,” he replied with a smile.  She said nothing in return.  She just sat there and stared out at the calm waters.  He began to massage her scalp, probably hoping to help her relax, but she couldn’t let her failures go. 

            “Sometimes I think it would have been better if that wagon had reached the gallows,” she said.  His hand stopped moving through her hair.

            “You really think it would have been better if you had died?” he asked.

            “A lot of people would still be alive right now,” she replied.

            “You don’t know that,” Astarion said.  “They could have died later in the war.  They most likely would have.”

            “They’re not the only lives I’m responsible for losing,” she said.  “Trust me, Astarion.  I deserved to be brought to the gallows.”

            “You don’t think four years forced into a war that wasn’t yours was punishment enough?” he questioned.  “You don’t think your guilt is punishment enough?”  She shook her head.  “Well, I do.”  He stood up and she felt her mood plummet even further.  She had wanted to be alone when she came down here, but now it was the last thing she wanted.  She couldn’t blame him for wanting to get away from her though.  She’d just encouraged him to do exactly that.

            He didn’t walk away, though.  Instead, he turned back towards her and held out a hand for her to take.  “I think I know a way to help ease your guilt,” he said giving her a smile.  “Do you trust me enough to give it a try?”

            When they’d first met a few weeks ago, she wouldn’t have agreed to anything he proposed.  At least not without a detailed breakdown of what he intended.  Now though, she took his hand and let him lead her through their camp.  She was relieved to find it was still empty.  She didn’t want to face her companions yet.

            Astarion led her through camp to the abandoned building they’d found.  There had been a squabble over it as most of the group had wanted to take up residence there as it had a bed.  It was decided that no one would set up permanent camp there.  They would use it for group meetings or personal time only.  She guessed the latter was what he had in mind now as she looked at the clean sheets that had been put on the bed.  She felt a spark of irritation.  She should have realized he thought sex would make her feel better.  It was the last thing she wanted right now.

            Still, she would go along with it.  It would be easier than trying to explain why his action was insensitive to her feelings and the argument that would ensue.  It wouldn’t be the first time she endured sex to please a man’s ego and it most likely wouldn’t be the last.  And Astarion was very skilled in bed.  Maybe it would prove a good distraction from her thoughts.  As they approached the bed he let go of her hand and then sat down on the edge of it with his feet shoulder length apart.  He looked at her with a serious expression.

            “Remove your pants and undergarment, Ailis.  They get over my lap,” he ordered.

            Ailis blinked and stared at him dumbly for a moment.  This wasn’t how they usually did this.  “I…what?” she said confused.

            “You wanted to be punished, didn’t you?” he questioned and her face flushed a hot red as she realized what he intended to do.  He smiled wickedly at the sight of her blush.  “I do love it when you blush.  It’s such a rare occasion.”

            “I…I’m not a child,” she protested, though that statement certainly made her feel like one.

            “Only children can be spanked?” Astarion replied with a widening grin.

            “I…I’ve never…”

            “You’ve never received a spanking before?” he questioned, surprised.  “Your mother never had you over her knee?”

            “My mother didn’t believe in hitting children,” she replied, defensively

            “Well, as you’ve just pointed out, you’re not a child,” he said. 

            “I…”  She didn’t finish her statement.  She didn’t know what her statement was.  She squirmed where she stood and stared at the floor, trying to come up with something to say.  Astarion’s feet suddenly came into view, and then she felt his cook fingers caress her chin as he lifted her face so she was looking at him.  He brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ears.

            “You’re rarely this flustered,” he murmured softly.  “What has you concerned?”

            “I don’t know what you’re expecting to get out of this,” she said.

            “He frowned, puzzled.  “Get out of this?” he repeated.

            She flushed.  “I know some people do this for fun,” she said.

            He nodded.  “Yes, and you may find you enjoy this, but that’s not the intended purpose of tonight,” he said.

            “Then what are you getting out of this?” she persisted.  “My pain?”

            His eyes widened.  “Your pain?” he said shocked.  “Ailis, how hard do you think I’m going to hit you?”

            “I don’t know!” she cried.  “I’ve never done anything like this, except for that Loviatar priest.  I don’t know how this works.  I know you enjoyed watching that priest strike me.”  She expected him to get mad, but he just stared at her thoughtfully for a moment.

            “Hold out your wrist, Ailis,” he ordered.  Confused, she did as he asked, holding her arm out in front of her with her palm up.  His own hand struck her wrist before she even saw it coming.  She hissed and drew her arm back, cradling her wrist to her chest.  She gazed at him with a shocked expression.  His own was perfectly neutral.  “Did that hurt?”

            “Yes,” she replied in a tone that made it clear she thought he was crazy for asking.

            “Is the pain unbearable?” he asked in the same neutral tone.

            “No,” she answered, eyebrows furrowed.

            “That’s as hard as I intend to spank you, give or take a little,” Astarion said.  “I’m not going to beat you black and blue.  You’ll be able to sit down tomorrow.”

            “But when the priest…”

            “I didn’t know you very well when you let the priest beat you.  I hadn’t fully decided I trusted you.  I thought you must have been into that sort of thing and responded accordingly.  I was surprised you never asked me to do anything similar when we began having sex.

            “You’re not wrong that I get off on others pain.  I’m not going to lie about that,” he said.  “But the purpose tonight isn’t the pain.  You carry a lot of guilt over your past.  I just want to try to help you release some of it.  As for what I get out of it, well, control.  We don’t have to do this, though, Ailis.  I’m not going to do anything to you that you don’t want.”  She believed him.  Even before she really began to tryst him, she’d trusted him to stop if she asked.  He was always attentive of any boundaries set during sex.

            “Okay,” she finally agreed.  “What do I say if I need you to stop, though?”

            “Just say stop,” he told her moving back to his previous position on the bed.  She didn’t follow yet.

            “Don’t people use specific words for this sort of thing, though” she questioned, “because they might say stop on instinct?”

            “Yes.  A safe word is usually put in place for that reason.  However, due to our personal histories if you say stop, I’m going to take that at face value,” he said.  “So don’t tell me to stop, Ailis, unless you really want or need me to, okay?”

            She nodded.  “Okay,” she agreed.

            “All right then.  Remove your pants and undergarment and come here,” he ordered pointing to a spot right next to him rather than demanding she get over his lap right away like he had originally.  She moved slowly as she completed his orders.  A nervous anticipation had her heart racing, and she couldn’t help trembling a little.  Astarion noticed and took her hand in his, gently massaging her knuckles with his thumb.

            “Are you all right, darling?” he asked, giving her a soft look.  “We can stop.”

            “No, I’m all right,” she said.

            He nodded and his expression turned stern.  “Do you understand why you’re being punished?” he asked.

            “For failing to save…”

            “No,” Astarion said and she gave him a puzzled look.

            “You said this was to try to relieve my guilt,” she said.

            “It is, but I’m not going to punish you for something that wasn’t your fault or something you already received punishment for,” he said.  “Pick something else.  Something more recent.”

            “I shouldn’t have yelled at our companions,” she said after a moment.  “I was being unfair.”

            “You certainly were,” he said.  “You shouldn’t have taken your problems out on them.”

            “I know.  I’m sorry,” she whispered.

            “I know you are.  Still, you need to receive punishment for your actions,” he said.  “How many times should I spank you?  How many have you earned?”

            “I…I don’t…” she looked at him helplessly.  She had no basis for this.  She felt completely lost in the moment.  Luckily, he seemed to understand.  He gently squeezed her hand in reassurance.

            “How about I give you two options, and you choose what works best for you?” he suggested and she nodded her agreement.  “Option one: I give you ten harder strikes.  Option two: I give you twenty with fifteen being the same strength I slapped your wrist earlier, and the last five a bit harder.  Either way, you’re going to be able to sit tomorrow, Ailis.”

            Ailis thought about it for a moment.  Ten sounded more appealing than twenty.  She wouldn’t have to be in an embarrassing position for as long.  However, the slap he’d given to her wrist earlier had stung and the skin was still a little pink.  The skin on her ass would be even more sensitive.  She’d never done this and she wasn’t sure she was comfortable having him hit her any harder.  Getting through five hard strikes seemed better than ten and if she couldn’t handle it and had to tell him to stop, she’d have already taken at least sixteen.  She’d be able to say she gave it a fair chance.

            “Twenty,” she said quietly.  He nodded and gave her hand a final squeeze before letting go.

            “All right then, darling,” he said.  “Get over my lap.”  She awkwardly positioned herself over his lap.  He helped her maneuver so his one leg helped support her upper torso even as her head hung down just below his knee.  She held onto his one knee with one hand and the sheets on the bed with the other.  Her ass was completely exposed to him, and she trembled with nerves.  She jumped when he placed a hand on the center of her back.

            “Try to relax, darling.  You’re safe,” he soothed, rubbing her back a little.  She took a few deep breaths and slowly felt her muscles relax.  “That’s it.  Are you ready for me to begin?”

            “Y-Yes,” she said.  “Do I count them out loud?”

            “Hmm, that is an appealing thought,” he said in a teasing tone before growing serious again, “but not tonight.  We can examine that possibility another night if you decide you like this or find it helpful.  I don’t want to push limits tonight.  Now, take one last deep breath for me before I begin.”  She did as he said, and the first stroke came as she let the breath out.

            She let out a startled squeak.  It hurt.  It felt worse than the strike to her wrist had.  Still, it was not unbearable.  She hadn’t quite processed it, when the second strike hit, and then she stopped thinking as he continued to land blow after blow.  By the time he struck her ten times she realized she’d made a mistake in choosing twenty strikes.  Her skin where he’d hit her felt like it was on fire and the pain was increasing with each strike even though the strike’s strength hadn’t changed yet.  When he reached the fifteenth strike her tears finally spilled over and down her cheeks.

            He stopped after the fifteenth strike for a moment, but any relief she might have felt vanished when he shifted his leg so the seat of her ass raised to a higher position.  She whimpered as she thought of where the last five, harder blows were going to land.  He hushed her and comfortingly stroked her back.

            “It’s just five more, darling, and then you’ll be done,” he assured her.  “Do you think you’re ready to apologize now?”

            “Y-Yes.  I’m sorry!  I’m sorry!” she cried.  “I didn’t mean to act like that.  I couldn’t stop myself.  I…I…I…”

            “Shhh.  Shh, darling,” he soothed.  “Breathe for me.”  She tried to do as he said and took big gulps of air in until her breathing found a rhythm again.  “Good girl.  I’m going to give you the last five strikes now.  I want you to try and release your guilt with them, all right?”

            She nodded and then the first blow hit and any thought of trying not to cry anymore escaped her.  She started sobbing and it took everything in her to not ask him to stop as the next blow hit.  She had felt worse pain before than this, but this just felt so intimate.  She wanted to bare it for him.  Right now, she would do anything for him, so at the last strike, she tried to release some of her guilt.

            Astarion helped move her into a sitting position on his lap.  He managed to adjust her so her ass was mostly between his thighs so nothing rubbed against her reddened skin.  She buried her face in his shoulder and sobbed ash she clutched to him like her life depended on it.  She stroked her back and hair and pressed a kiss on the top of her head.

            “Shh.  It’s all right now, darling.  All is forgiven.  You’re all right,” he soothed.  He repeated a variation of these words until her sobs turned to cries and then to whimpers until finally, she ran out of tears.  She rested, slumped against him, feeling more exhausted than she had in her whole life.  They sat like that for a few minutes and then she felt his hand slide between her legs and a cool finger split hear seam, running the length of it before brushing over her clit.  She let out a shaky gasp.

            “What do you think, darling?  Based on how wet you are, you seemed to enjoy that.  Should we move on to more enjoyable activities?” he asked.  She thought about it for a moment.  She was surprised to find she had evidence of arousal, but in the back of her mind she’d been aware of a stirring of heat between her legs that was different from the heat on her ass from the spanking.

            Still, she shook her head.  “No.  I’m sorry.  I don’t feel up to it,” she said, her resolve to endure it from earlier cracking.  She knew he wouldn’t make a big deal out of it.  “I’m sorry.  I know you were planning on having sex tonight, but…”

            “It’s all right, Ailis,” he cut her off.  “Don’t apologize.  We both have to want it, remember?”  She smiled and nodded.  He moved his hand back to a more acceptable spot on her thigh.  “So, what do you want, darling?  How are we spending our time tonight?”  She opened her mouth with an immediate response but then just as quickly clamped her mouth shut and looked down at her lap.  “What’s wrong, Ailis.”

            “Nothing,” she said.  “It’s just, what I want…you won’t like it.  I’m trying to think of something else.”

            “Ailis, darling, look at me,” he ordered and she raised her face to meet his eyes.  “You’re just tried something very new to you that had you completely out of your element tonight.  You’re going to get whatever you want.”  He grinned.  “Within reason of course.  So, tell me, what do you want.”

            “I just want to naked cuddle,” she said.  “And I want you to stay with me all night.”

            Astarion nodded.  “Very reasonable,” he said and kissed her forehead.  He slid her to sit on the mattress.  Her full weight was on her ass though and she felt the skin burn as it brushed against the sheets.  She jumped up from the bed and clutched her ass.  Astarion laughed and she gave him a hurt look. 

            “I’m sorry, darling,” he said as he stood up.  “The look on your face was just funny, that’s all.  Here.”  He helped slide her shirt and upper garment off.  “Stand there for a moment while I undress and then we’ll get you on the bed comfortably.”  He kissed her forehead again and she stood waiting as he quickly undressed.  When he was naked, he sat down on the bed and then moved until he was lying down on his back in the middle.  He held out his arms for her.  “Come here, darling.” 

            She climbed onto the bed and crawled over to him.  He pulled her down so she rested mostly on top of him.  Her head rested on his shoulder.  She hissed when he pulled the top sheet over them, but the sting only last for a minute.  He stroked her back and left gentle kisses to her forehead every few minutes.  Her eyelids grew heavy and she felt sleep trying to claim her.  She tried to fight it, but Astarion wasn’t having it.

            “Go to sleep, darling,” he ordered her gently.  “You need to rest.”

            “I want you to stay,” she murmured through a yawn.             “I’m not going anywhere, Ailis,” he promised.  “I’ll be here when you wake up.”  She smiled sleepily as he pressed another kiss to her forehead.  It was the last thing she felt before sleep finally claimed her. 

[taintandviolent]

long rambling rant about AHS delicate below the cut (contains spoilers!!)

listen, I had my qualms with this show from the get-go because it was filmed during the strike, and the circumstances surrounding said filming (after speaking with someone who shall remain nameless) were beyond shitty. but, not wanting to be a groundless naysayer, I gave it a good college try anyway. I went in with as little bias as I possibly could, truly.

Overall, the season felt very disjointed and haphazard for me. while it didn't lack the classic AHS stylization, the plotline didn't feel like a season of AHS at all. I'm not sure what it felt like, but it wasn't the show I know and love. albeit, i'm not a fan of pregnancy storylines and this was entirely that, at its core and even during its reveal, but i gave it a shot anyway, for the sake of it being AHS. I'm not sure why or what motivated RM to go with a story based off Delicate Condition, like what was the driving force where he read it and went NEEDS TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH AMERICAN HORROR STORY STAT???? don't understand that all. i guess it stays true to his recent obsession with focusing on real issues as opposed to ghosts and ghouls and fun shit, but I digress.

the lesser, supporting roles were all played wonderfully. everyone who was a 'background' character for lack of a better term did a great job. which usually isn't how it goes for AHS.... everyone does a great job and it's this amazing cohesive success, regardless of if you have a starring or a supporting role. didn't feel that way with Delicate. also having absolute monster talented actors like Billie Lourd and Leslie Grossman but making them some superficial PR specialists? weird. weird choices all around.

Emma Roberts didn't exactly shine in this role, but she wasn't playing the stereotypical bitchy girl that she usually plays so I can at least give her that?? i guess?? kudos for uhhh brancing out or something? it was a very lacklustre performance, in my opinion. as are most of her performances, but that's a conversation for a different day. i'll say that it was the most.... *grits teeth* invested I've been in her. all her other characters are just preppy bitches. anna at least had some emotional substance.

Kim K was.... well, not great, but she was better than I thought she'd be. I'll say that. I'm not convinced that she wasn't just being herself.... but yknow. she knows how to "play" a mean, scary upper elite type bitch in charge kind of role, I guess. sounds like I'm just describing her... well, anyway.

the finale felt extremely rushed. I felt like none of anna's hallucinations were explained, what was real, what wasn't real. what were they?? the sisterhood of what? why were they still alive after decades and centuries?? what was the baby? what was the fucking spider thing about??? why were spiders so prevalent in the promo stuff? and the - ugh lord have mercy, the "battle", if you can call it that?? a simple chant being what defeated Siobhan?? c'mon, be so for real with that. that was like they had NO idea what they were doing and they just decided last minute to be like "a magical whispered spell hooray!! the evil is defeated!!!" afjhdeskjsd. what.

is it worth a watch...??? uhhhhhhh I guess so?? if you're a completionist and wanna try? I truly don't know how to answer that man. like if this was my first introduction to AHS I probably wouldn't watch another episode of any season.

anyway, tldr AHS: Delicate was very weird and I rate it like a 3/10. Maybe 4 because of the supporting roles being acted well. I don’t know man.

[fandomanimatic-tournament]

Fandom song animatic tournament: Side A Round 2

The other side - The Greatest Showman Musical

"Don't you wanna get away from the same old part you gotta play? 'Cause I got what you need, so come with me and take the ride It'll take you to the other side"

How bad can I be? - The Lorax (Movie)

"How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just doing what comes naturally How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just following my destiny How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just doing what comes naturally How ba-a-a-ad can I be? How bad can I possibly be?"

Remember that we're voting on how Iconic they are for ANIMATICS, not for the song itself. In order to make things fair, the tone and mood of the song should not affect how iconic it is (for example, a serious song should not be considered more iconic than a joke song just because it's serious)

Propaganda and animatic links of the songs under the cut:

The other side - The Greatest Showman Musical

Propaganda:

uhhh i never watched the greatest showman but the song goes HARD and its cool as fuck to see how ppl portray these opposing tropes & characters in their animatics

Obnoxious as hell but without it weed be down so many homoerotically charged interactions. The enemies to lovers people would be quaking

it was so popular even i wanted to make an animatic of it 😭 (i never did cause i didn’t even have a stylus at the time but i think that was for the better)

Luz and Hunter. Grian and Mumbo / Etho and Bdubs. Hawks and Dabi. I'm sure I'm forgetting something

oh my god??? the homoerotism of trying to convince ur enemy to join ur side??? whats there not to love?

The only objectively good song in The Greatest Showman deserves some respect, god damn it. Also it's a very catchy way to show a character's betrayal/character changes in general.

The song just overall slaps and also it's great for showing characters having a conflict with one trying to convince the other to join the opposing side

its very character driven, so no wonder its very popular. almost every fandom ive been in has an animatic of this song.

Animatics with the song:

Creepypasta Marble Hornets

Karmaland

BNHA Villain Deku

The Owl House

The Promised Neverland

She-Ra

How bad can I be? - The Lorax (Movie)

Propaganda:

it’s an evil bop

I need everyone to go watch How Bad Can I Be? By Public Spam Account. The best animatic every, plus the song is perfect for any villain character and came from a movie deeply important to tumblr lore

...the only propaganda i have for this is the time two years ago when a zine team gave andrew francis like $50 to sing part of it in the voice of morro ninjago thanks to a joke about onceler morro. someone did animate it if that helps at all

Animatics with the song:

DSMP

Hermitcraft

Darkstalker Animatic

DeadCells The King Animatic

MBIT ENTJ Animatic

Please be cautious and read the title, description and warning cards on the animatic videos if you decide to watch them. If you've got specific triggers I'd recommend even more caution when watching animatics of fandoms you don't know, since sometimes canon-typical themes don't get warnings.

[capsensislagamoprh]

Well, well, well. Not

Fueling my crazy-assed head cannons with In Cannon facts.

I swear to all the CANNON GAWDS this is correct. I know this is true IRL. So, makes sense in cannon, right? Source: Boy. Don't @ me. You have seen him observe Yurio's eyes for more than there dazzling color. He's seen into them. You have seen him put things together in one night, from choreography and improve. This takes a lot of skill. You not only have to be able to read the room, but the people involved as well. Being uncomfortable makes this sort of thing really bad, it could hurt people. Not with this man in charge. Otabek, why you just the most chill ... I STG this guy is old school FEY. Radiates it so bad you look it up and this is the image you get: Otabek causally droppin everyone's stress levels by EXISTING.

These manors. Most punk thing you will ever see. Everyone this day? Yurio. Victor. Chris. You see them. They are some kind of 'out there'. Most people are. Not Otabek. This man is in your face polite, which is quiet, genteel, and shocking. SHOCKING. Do you know how much EMOTIONAL DAMAGE you can do with the right word and a calm demeanor? I do. I have been DEVASTATED by this. This man wields the most deadly sword.

Honestly, this is just fueling my 'this guy is secretly well connected noble and just wont admit it because who needs that kind of attention. He likes music. He likes to skate. He knows who is his soul mate.' This boy be BOI. Man, I have heard LEGENDS less backed up by cannon than this. I love him, your honor and would like my petition for him and Yurio to get married yesterday to be approved by the court of law, and possibly several deities. Thank you.

I mean, I got no notes. Just more head cannon fuel. Bet even Lilia Baranovskaya can find no wrong in his posture. Just his flexibility. But. may boy, if it gives you an ass like that? *ahem* Whole bod, really. I am not sorry.

Old. School. Fey. Prince? King? If you play Changeling: the Dreaming (White Wolf) you know what I mean. Where Yurio is a new world Fey, Otabek is so old school, and it just makes me happier than I understand. The dynamics. Opposing elements that just click. Yes, your honor, I have a petition to push that proposal thrugh. You'll see the *drops several reams of paper on the desk* signatures on these pages. *rolls in several more boxes*

That formality is called 'finality'. There is no argument to be made against it that dose not make the person arguing a massive ass. There is no wheedle room. This is practiced in the highest circles. Also, that side eye, like JJ may have pushed Otabek's patience one to many times. Bet you it was when he heard how Yurio reacts to JJ calling him 'princess'. Otabek is far to respectful to push an unwanted nick name. Also, that's his boyfriend, your honor. We may get to see a duel. Suggest crossbows at range. You know Otabek is a sniper shot.

You bring this man home to your ice daddies, Yurio. Because I wanna see Victor freak out, Yuuri be happy, but confused, because this man has ALL the manors and Yurio is hissy kitty personified. The. DYNAMICS! your honor! Otabek with his courtly love until Yurio is ready. MY FRIKIN GAWDS! The way Yurio looked at Otabek's skating and made that little sound with the patented Victor-is-Interested-in-Something pose? We may not have to wait long. These Two Your Honor!

I KNEW IT! Otabek (when not suffering the all cursed helmet hair) pulls that under cut off. JJ dose not. Also: this is a man for whom the phrase 'I'm disappointed' can be summed up in a single look that will sear you to the soul and change your whole damned reincarnation cycle. You cannot convince me that even the worst person would be able to take that look and not feel something inside be blanketed in warmth that says 'I know you can do better, you deserve the effort it takes,' then cry about it because they know he's right.

Yurio is very much used to being *tiched* off. People thinking he's a kid, like perma-nine, over reacting, to emo. You know what that's like. Ever kid does. It's painful. But like, Otabek? He knows words are useless here. Just the action. Sometimes that's all it takes. Yurio is very much ready to fight. When it doesn't come? Well, self reflection time. And boy can self reflection hurt. Also THE DYNAMICS, YOUR HONOR! Tinny, elegant, ethereal on the outside Yurio vs. Masculine, buff af, strong and ever enduring Otabek. One has the personality of a raging fire, uncaring of who they burn. One has the personality of untouchable covering the deepest waters you will ever find. To deep and you'll drown. Each soft for exactly ONE person. MY GAWDS YOUR HONOR!

You know Otabek follows Yuri's Angles, and that's how he found him. This man has had a whole assed 'soul mates imma marry him' crush Situation (tm) since he understood those eyes. Eyes he never forgot. There are Nobel Prize winning poets less eloquent than that. It constantly reminds me of

“they asked "do you love her to death?" i said "speak of her over my grave and watch how she brings me back to life” ― Mahmoud Darwish

I mean, this is how I think of that 'eyes of a solder' line. I will take no notes.

I mean, this is legit. And then he encourages Yurio. It may cost him a metal to do that. But he did it. And he was happy for Yurio. This man is a fucking saint. There is no suggestion box, please file your opposing opinions in the round receptacle to the right. YOUR HONOR! If you'd be so kind as to sand the ink before you hand that over to the court clerk for filing. I now have to go house hunting for these two so I can have them (Yurio) constantly annoyed by CANNON PAIRING who love the Secondary Cannon OTP, but lets be honest, Victor is gonna be a shit about it because he's not forgot what he went thrugh when he was courting Yuuri. Otabek. Silently suffering. Trying not to laugh. I bet he breaks down with the most charmingly, light up the room, dimple having, white teeth flashing smile anyone has seen, putting stars in everyone's eyes for all of three seconds when they finally break him. His laugh is music. Promptly puts on his normal blank expression and acts like it never happened. This is a thing now. Also he can sing and play/write music, and because he couldn't do ballet, took ballroom to get his dance skills. You will not change my mind.

[magpiefngrl]

You know the square people use to decide what fics they’d take with them to a deserted island? I was thinking about it and I sat down and wondered what my top fics were from the HP fandom specifically. When I boiled it down from the hundreds I’ve read, 9 1/2 Days tied for first place with Heal Thyself by astolat. (Just after those two was The Miseducation of Draco Malfoy so I suppose you can tell that I love character development in fiction.)

What I love about your fic in particular though was that you didn’t shy away from the not-so-nice aspects of Draco’s personality, such as how he used to bully Neville or play tricks on Dobby. You addressed the more difficult aspects of his personality, implied strongly that it was in no small part, because of how he was raised, BUT at the same time, you did not reduce him to victimhood and I really really liked that.

A trope that comes up a lot in fiction (in general, not just fanfiction) is making a villainous character into a victim. It seems to be the fastest and easiest way to get the audience to root for them.

But that doesn’t always sit right with me, because sometimes it feels as if the writer is trying to get the audience to side with a particular character without any actual growth from that character. I think there’s a fine line here because an explanation for why a person is the way they are should not be used as a justification or an excuse for the harmful things they do.

That’s why I really really loved your fic. I loved that you used World War II and the Holocaust as a vehicle to help Draco address his own bigotry. That being lost in the world with Harry helped him to confront and struggle with the things he had taught to believe as opposed to what he was actually experiencing for himself. The romance between Harry and him was believable and breathtaking and didn’t take away from Draco’s journey. In all my years of reading, I’ve noticed that this is a very very hard balance to strike. One that even very successful, seasoned writers struggle with and you pulled off so gracefully! I’m in awe.

I’m sorry for the long comment and for rambling I just think you really need to know that your story was wonderful and I’m so glad, so thankful you wrote it.

Gosh. What a lovely and thoughtful ask 💗💗

I'm really happy to hear that you enjoy my fics, esp. 9 ½ Days, and I'm thrilled beyond words that you enjoyed the way the romance unfolded side-by-side with Draco's unlearning. It was indeed very hard for me to write a convincing romance which evolved little by little with Draco slowly changing at the same time. I banged my head on my desk so many times while writing the fic and it's a significant reason it took me 5 years to write.

I hear you re: Draco's growth and portrayal. One of my (many) pet peeves is fics portraying Draco as a victim who only got into the DE because he was being forced but in his heart he was an innocent baby. I find that this, besides being inaccurate, also strips Draco of all agency. It makes him nothing more than a puppet, which in turn makes him very boring. I find canon Draco fascinating. I like the idea that yes, he happily joined the magical equivalent of KKK and he used the equivalent of the n-word with abandon (while also being a bully and a rich toff that looked down his nose on people), and that later he saw some atrocities and realised the true meaning of belonging to a hate group. The cost of it. I imagine the enormity of his guilt and how hard he works in order to change himself, and all this is what makes him such a thrilling character. For me, anyway.

Heal Thyself deals with all this so well! I absolutely adore this fic. It blew me away when I read it. I kept pointing at the page and going "Yes! THIS!"

Look, I don't expect every single fic to make a song and dance about his redemption, sometimes a girl just wants to read a 3k PWP, you know? But when I come across a story where I can tell the author relishes in Draco's complexity, I sure do appreciate it.

I'm very pleased you liked the way I explored this side of him in the fic. Thank you for the very kind message! My fic being one of your desert island fics is so, so touching! I'm all emotional now 💗

[kaaragen]

🏷🎬💎🔎🤔 for the fanfic writer ask game!!^^

Thanks for the ask! And sorry for taking so long to reply!

🏷 Is there a tag you like to search for when looking for fanfics to read?

Not particularly...I guess the one's I most often go for are relationship tags (e.g. Ahsoka/Barriss obviously XD) but otherwise there isn't any that I would regularly search. Depending on mood I might exclude some though!

🎬 If a movie or show were based on your fic, which fic would you choose and who would you fancast?

Well, a Clone Wars-style version of And if we Fell Together would be a delight - if we're in the realms of wishing for the impossible! But more realistically, a fan animation of I Give To You would bring me tons of joy!

Fancast...nope, I really don't have much idea on this one sorry XD I will say that, assuming we're excluding original actors, my pick for adult Barriss for a while has been Mandip Gil (she can do intense, emotional looks so well!)

💎 Do you often write about a relationship or focus on an individual?

That's a good one! I'd say relationships thus far has been my thing, as I do like pulling out the little conflicts and tensions that happen between people (particularly as they're trying to work out their relationship whatever that is). With that said, you can't really do that without also understanding them as an individual so they're kind of tied together in my head.

No surprises, but Ahsoka and Barriss as a relationship and individuals is the main focus XD But I am enjoying working with the mutli-directional relationships among the Spectres, and their different play-offs with each other

🔎 Does anyone beta read or edit your fics?

No, I don't have anyone beta read or edit - it's all my own work (and mess)! Partly, this is because I'm never normally far enough ahead of schedule to allow such a thing XD

The only occasion on which someone did read a chapter was when Gabby (@kirahsoka) very kindly agreed to read 'The Last Temptation of Ahsoka Tano' (which was written very early on) as I knew that chapter was going to be make or break for the fic, so I needed to be sure her fall was convincing.

🤔 Would you ever want to write something canon if you got the opportunity?

Absolutely! It would depend on how much freedom I have to do things (I know you won't get perfect freedom writing for a franchise for all sorts of reasons), but it's not something I would be opposed to. I do keep a stock of some ideas that I can put into action, if Disney ever does come calling. One of which would be a canon-compliant Barriss and Ahsoka story that would explain how Barriss gets to the point she does in 'The Wrong Jedi'. Maybe one day...

(I have, unfortunately, had to bin my post-sequel Trilogy idea because of the new announcements...)

[meditating-dog-lover]

Blood work results

I got my first set of bloodwork results. Things look good, though I am concerned about my insulin/blood sugar and male sex hormones (I'm a woman).

My insulin and blood sugar levels are within the normal range, but high-normal. Same with a lot of my androgens and androgen stimulating hormones. I have elevated testosterone levels (not too high, just a bit). I'm concerned that I may have insulin resistance or PCOS. My sister has both conditions. Though after my annual woman's health exam, my doctor said everything looked fine. Also my lipid panel looks great, and these are elevated in women with PCOS.

I have low levels of some omega-3 fatty acids, but I've switched to fish oil which contains them, unlike flaxseed oil. Even my thyroid hormone levels went down compared to my last test. I wonder why.

I absolutely know for a fact that I've recently been overweight. And definitely stressed. I've been implementing intermittent fasting for 4 months. I have lost weight and I am convinced I have more to lose. If these are the results that appeared on my bloodwork, then it's an indication that I need to lose further weight. Type 2 diabetes runs in my family, so I don't want to experience that and due to the predisposition, I need to maintain that low/normal body weight, do IF, and eat well. I was pretty slim in 2018, but I had an ED. I want to go back to a similar body weight but with IF and balanced non-restrictive eating as opposed to calorie and food restriction.

In 2021 I did blood work and my glucose levels were fine. I was eating a lot of sugar and junk and was stressed and in an awful mood and had poor sleep, though I was active and in slim shape. I know stress and sleep and physical activity do play a role in insulin and blood sugar issues and not just eating a lot of sugar and carrying extra weight. I know walking helps a lot too. I do need to work on my stress though. With all of the news from Gaza and my terrible eczema I got much more stressed. I'm sure the stress made my eczema worse and it was awful this year. I don't recall my eczema being as bad in 2021 though. I wonder if there's a hormonal link to eczema now that I think of it. And my sleep is better now, thankfully.

All I can really do is to continue IF, continue to shed more fat, manage stress, continue my good sleeping habits, continue to walk a lot, and don't eat a lot of sugar and junk (my diet is better now, thankfully). Perhaps some supplement ingredients can also help, like chromium, berberine, and inositol. I'm very happy with my D3/K2 and magnesium and now my fish oil supplements. I'm going to find a go-to multivitamin that can help with my hormones if possible, and a go-to gut health supplement that can help with my gut issues I discussed yesterday. I read a scientific publication that illustrates a link between intestinal permeability and insulin resistance. It would not surprise me that gut issues can cause hormonal imbalances such as what I'm seeing. And increased testosterone can be caused by insulin sensitivity/elevated blood glucose (not necessarily with PCOS which I've never received a diagnosis for).

The goal is to lose fat and to reduce my stress, and to continue the IF, good sleep, and healthy eating habits. Eventually I will find a go-to multivitamin that can help with my hormones and a go-to gut health supplement which can help my gut and in turn, my eczema and hormonal issues.

[covenofthearticulate]

Tell us about Louis's sex life with Lestat and Armand, I gotta know 🍿

god, Louis is the luckiest man alive (unalive?) lmfao you just KNOW he’s getting an insane amount of action any time lestat and armand are under the same roof asdfgahvf

I'm absolutely convinced the first time they were all under one roof together for more than a few days, Armand and Lestat were both immature enough to try and make each other jealous by sleeping with Louis (Armand definitely plays dirty by echoing Louis' Jumbled Orgasm Thoughts into Lestat's head— it backfires at least once because GUESS WHAT louis still thinks about lestat in bed with other people LMFAO) but eventually this pewters out when Louis catches on and tells them to just cut the bullshit and fuck each other (and they do. and Louis enjoys a quiet night reading, like he damn well deserves).

ANYWAY, the thing I love about Louis having both of them in his life is that they all read each other in such different ways, so I think it’s really great that no matter what mood he’s in, there’s someone who knows exactly what he needs. Louis has a tendency of thinking himself into a corner, and some nights he needs Armand to step in and take the wheel and mindfuck him into a state of bliss. Other nights he needs Lestat to do just the opposite and coax him into his body and remind him of what it feels like to be alive. 

They also both pick up on different things that Louis doesn't even know about himself like!!! Lestat is very well-versed and dependent on physical cues, so he picks up on the way Louis tilts his head ever so slightly to the side when he's curious about trying a New Idea, the way he rolls his ankles and flexes his heels when he wants to go harder, or the way he'll hide his face in Lestat's shoulder when he's about to come because he thinks his orgasm face is silly.

Armand, of course, has access to Louis' mind, but on the whole he's much more emotionally intelligent so he actually doesn't use much of the Mind Gift (he also is well aware of Louis' aversion to the gift). it's much easier for him to pick up on the roller coaster that is Louis "repressed-gay-ex-catholic" de Pointe du Lac, and Armand is so much more patient in terms of giving Louis the time and space to process things. Sometimes it takes a while for Louis to be able to stretch out of his comfort zone, but Armand is in it for the long game, baby.

They both also have very different tactics to getting in his pants LOL like it's actually fucking hilarious because if Lestat tries to flirt and cuddle up to Louis while he's reading, he'll get all huffy and annoyed, but when Armand comes waltzing in and casually rests a hand on his knee while he reads, Louis is putting that book down and going for the jugular in like 30 seconds flat LMAO.

Armand and Lestat also know that sometimes they’re not exactly what Louis needs in the moment, so sometimes (not every time, but sometimes) Lestat will suggest Louis visits Armand. And vice versa, every other week when Louis gets cranky, Armand locks him in a room with Lestat like “You two just need to bone.” 

cue: this exact reaction from Louis: 

When it comes to settling on an arrangement between the 3 of them actually sharing a bed together (as opposed to taking turns with Louis)...I think Armand might’ve been the one to first suggest it, but I honestly feel like Louis would’ve been the one to actually bring them both together and make it feel like it was their idea in the first place LOL. Lestat doesn’t like to share, and Armand doesn’t like feeling like the third wheel, but Louis has a way of asking for things without really outright asking for them. He so rarely makes requests of Lestat or Armand in the first place, so of course they oblige (it also gives Lestat a Very Convenient Excuse for coming to terms with the fact that he is, in fact, attracted to Armand).

I will say I think it's only on very special occasions that the 3 of them get together, but when they do, it's absolutely decadent. There are so many different dynamics between them that are just constantly in flux so it's really interesting!! Like...when Louis is with Lestat he tends to want to be more dominant, whereas he's more comfortable being submissive to Armand, but between Lestat and Armand it can be a bit of a tug-of-war in terms of who has the "power." So with the 3 of them it's just a constant changing of positions and dynamics. I've always seen it as something that leans a little bit more playful (well, as playful as sadistic/masochistic vampires can get). Like, there's an unspoken agreement to leave the baggage at the door when it's the 3 of them together.

There's a lot of pampering of Louis and he's shy and resistant at first (he HATES attention! he hates feeling like too much of a hedonist! why are you just STARING at me, Lestat, don't you have something better to do?) but listen Lestat and Armand are very persuasive ;)

(it's also not always Louis-centric!! Louis and Armand have made Lestat cry from overstimulation MULTIPLE times. Louis and Lestat team up to play good-cop/bad-cop and deliver punishment and reward with Armand.)

ANYWHO I think the whole thing is just very cathartic for all 3 of them!! Louis has two hands and he deserves the best of both worlds!!!

[melishade]

Another banging chapter !!! Thank u for the recent chapter in this tiresome day I have several questions for this one 1. Erwin against genocide ? Hmm, I thought he fully support Rumbling, dont judge me, I only follow trend if Erwin lived instead of Armin, he'd beside Eren trampling the world. Elaborate your opinion, cause I dont get it. 2. Why in the backward earth didnt Megatron and his co tell about Eren situations and his ability ? Everyone could've prepared for the worst if they tell Survey Corps about them, especially OP, Hanji, Levi, Armin, and Mikasa. Hell, maybe they will try to convince Eren, or maybe sorry ass beat up in Levi case. Nah, it wont change Eren to change him unleashed his bullshit shitstorm. I have a prejudiced about Louise freed Yelena and the rest of Extremist Restorationists from jail. Oh maybe you can make OP and Megsy realized there is a trigger for Eren ability (Cough cough, Historia) 3. Wil you make Kenny meet Levi and tell him that he is in the good side now (sort of) ? Cant wait for trio Ackerman in action, Kenny and Levi bickering, Mikasa tired for their shit and tried to stop it, it would be hilarious IMO

OK, I think thats all. Huff, thats quite a lot to ask. Thx :)

So these are spoilers for Attack on Titan and Attack on Prime chapter 82, so go read it if you haven't.

First question about Erwin I think that Erwin could go either way when it comes to supporting or opposing the Rumbling. You just have to look at Erwin's character as a whole. Because his motivation for joining the Survey Corps was to find out about the secrets of the outside world and prove his father's theory. A selfish motivation. But when he survived his first expedition and watched his dying comrades give heart and soul to the cause, he had to hide his ambitions behind the glory of humanity's survival because he felt so guilty for leading his comrades to his death for his own selfish benefit. I'm sure that some part of Erwin did believe in the survival of humanity when he was alive in the main story, but it wasn't a top priority. Not to mention he was doing monstrous shit and sacrificing his comrades when he needed to in order to achieve his goals. His plans were effective, obviously, but it literally took him a mountain of corpses to get there. So you could factor in Erwin's selfishness for wanting to activate the Rumbling and his desire to do anything and everything to protect the walls and have his plans succeed. If we are looking from the perspective of Erwin's selfishness and him playing his part as a monster to ultimately protect the island, then Erwin would be in support of the Rumbling.

But I think the one key scene that would make Erwin oppose to the Rumbling is his death charge. His final stand. Because Erwin didn't have to go to Shinganshina, but he wanted so desperately to see what was in the basement and prove his father right. But right when the Survey Corps backs are against the wall as Zeke is killing them off slowly, and Erwin confesses his sins to Levi, Levi tells him to die, and Erwin says thank you to him. Erwin's last stand is him abandoning his dream, abandoning his selfish desires and finally fighting for humanity. Erwin's last stand was that of glory and altruism because he was finally doing the right thing for the right reasons.

Mind you, the Walls have always been cruel to him. It was the people in the walls that killed his father, not the people in Marley. It was the people in the walls that scorned and ridiculed the Survey Corps. It was the people in the walls that arrested him and beat him and planned to execute him. He knows just how selfish and cruel humans can be, but he still chose to fight in the Survey Corps. He didn't abandon his own dream, and he didn't abandon humanity despite the cruel treatment, so I don't believe he would allow for the destruction of the outside world because they all hate him and the island.

In AOP, Erwin's story plays out differently. He lives, and tells his sins to Optimus during the coup, and Optimus is understandably angry at Erwin. Erwin's guilt came to the surface when Optimus showed up, because Optimus has always been altruistic in nature, but Erwin hasn't. So when Erwin gets to live and leave the Survey Corps because Optimus said he wouldn't serve if Erwin was in command, Erwin is left with guilt and shame at the lives he let die out of selfishness. Now Eren wants to do that, kill lives out of what is clearly selfishness, and Erwin can't let that happen out of guilt and compassion. Erwin has abandoned his humanity multiple times, but I think when it really comes down to it, Erwin will still find a way to chose his humanity to make up for the cruel things that he's done.

Of course, we'll never know how Erwin would react in season 4. He merely watched from the Paths along with everyone else. But I think the salute at the end signified that he supported Levi and his choice.

Second question regarding Megatron's secrecy.

Megatron's team consists of Erwin Smith, a retired member of the Survey Corps, a civilian who's not supposed to know top government secrets, Nile Dok, someone who is sharing those top secrets to a civilian, and Kenny fucking Ackerman, the guy who killed over 100 MPs, was part of the old government, and was in prison before Erwin broke him out. If Megatron's comes up to them now with this information, they're going to ask how he got it, and he can't bring up their information. If he does, he's in deep shit, Nile loses his job, Erwin goes to prison, and Kenny will be killed. It's the same reason why they had to omit Erwin and Kenny from the report and say that it was Nile, Ymir, and Megatron who suspected Zeke's treachery. Megatron was already mistrusting of Zeke, Nile had info on the wine transportation, and Ymir was a witness. They have to frame it so that information gets told without sounding like a madman while no one gets arrested.

Third question

Kenny and Levi will interact in AOP. It's just way later. lol. But the other stuff I can't answer because that will be too many spoilers.

I hope these answers are to your liking.

[homenecromancer]

idly thinking about this and. like. might be hard to explain to some of my coworkers but different concert crowds have very different vibes, and the "good" crowds for me might be unexpected for them. like just drawing from recent-ish or memorable experiences

dadrock bands (possible coworker perception: this would be mainly older people, some of other ages, but "well-behaved") : cishet white dads who think they are clever/witty but are actually deeply, deeply annoying. transphobic 20-year-old boy with shirt off who was clearly expecting a high-five from me as he exited the venue. (denied, and he is lucky i have more self-control than he does, because i wanted to bite him.) wayyyyyy too fucking many trump shirts, confederate flag paraphernalia, et cetera.

metal show (possible coworker perception: "that music is Satanic!!", scary guys, fights) : people were nice even when i could not answer their questions or noise made communication difficult. mix of age ranges. despite the Viking theming of one band, relatively few "oh no, oh i don't like the hammer necklace that white guy's wearing" moments.

rap show, older artist (possible coworker perception: [racist / "i'm not a racist buuuuuut" comments] ) : people who apologize when i gently tell them they can't do something or go somewhere. lots of couples and groups. people overall seem, at most, anxious about seeing their fave perform.

country show (possible coworker perception: haha hell yeah y'all i love this stuff) : white people central. people get plastered beyond their ability to handle themselves, and then get mean, loud and entitled. fights. "right-wing fashion" in action: those t-shirts from the company with the crossed-rifles logo [i am not getting close enough to read the text], anything referencing the second amendment, shirts you'd buy at a truck stop [unfortunate that these are often sported by shitheads, because wolf shirts are cool], et cetera.

mexican rock band (possible coworker perception: [racism] ) : potential for heavy drinking. i feel bad because i cannot always communicate effectively. people are mostly exuberant and happy to be there.

basically after years of experience, my assessment of "what's the vibe of this crowd likely to be / how pissed-off will i get if things start going poorly" is somewhat opposed to what my (mostly older, white) coworkers think. often the key is whether people in the crowd assess you, specifically, as potentially sympathetic, and i frankly fuck more with, like, metal crowds or [many bands from the 2000s] than i do with country music crowds.

like to the point where i may start avoiding country shows specifically, because i try to approach my job as "i am selling you my time". and if i have to bite my tongue to not tell middle-aged cishet white guys to fuck off and stop trying to "joke" with me in that specific show-off way, because it's not my fault everyone else in their life has agreed they are not funny, and now they find themselves trying to toy with someone who is forced to interact with them at work -- i am gonna need more money and to be convinced it's a good use of my time. and at a country show it's not like i can tell myself "at least this is [band], they might play [song]", so i'd rather be at home lmao

[sapphicdib]

I'm glad my little fanart spurred up more ideas! I'm also glad you liked it ajshdsd anyways the blorbos to all of this (enjoy reading a shit ton of oc writing): Fish Under Tide: He wouldn't be opposed to the idea, but wouldn't want in as he sees no reason to free himself of taboos even if love makes him feel icky, also because none of his ancients live on his can anymore. He would be absolutely opposed to it if he knew of the rot though. But it isn't like he'd have much of a choice in rotting or not if his neighbor UV decides to get in, since his neighbor lives literally above him. Pollen Of Flower: She would be opposed to the idea, she doesn't see any need in going against the ancients, because her ancients actually like her and treat her with respect. Unnecessary Violence: He would be in on the idea right away(if he didn't know about the rotting part), he HATES his ancients with a burning passion and would do anything to torture them back, anything to gain the power to torture them back. He would kill for fun and the rot would absolutely just skyrocket his possessive behavior over DP. Deserted Pulse: She would be in on the idea too, she also hates her ancients due to their neglect and disownment of her, so she too would want revenge, especially if her boyfriend decides to get in on it, why not? She'd be convinced by him anyways. (UV and DP would become the most attached to each other with the hivemind in play, if one of them were to die/get the other would lash out in just pure rage)

UV and Pebbles would get along >:) I tried to find a ref of him but I think I am simply Stupid LOL so if u ever wanna send me one I’ll prolly doodle him n Pebbies together hehe <3