#i'm restraining myself for a reason because once I start it it's going to become my whole personality for an undescript amount of time

[aishangotome]

Elbert Greetia: Blind Love Ending Epilogue

Blind Love Chapter 25

♡———♡

Several seasons have passed since we started living in Crown Castle.

Occasionally, we have days like this--when we can't get out of bed.

Kate: Mmm... Lord Elbert... we should go eat soon...

Elbert: ...No.

When I try to gently remove the arm that's hugging me from behind, my already limp body is rolled over, and he hugs me from the front again.

Elbert: ...Today, I'm not taking a single step outside.

Kate: Ah, ah--

Elbert licks and bites all over my body, leaving marks as proof of his possessiveness and obsession.

--The trigger is always trivial and sudden.

In a locked room, we made love until we were both drenched in sweat, then dozed off and woke up to eat in bed. As we chatted about silly things, before we knew it, we were melting into each other again – as if losing the contours of our bodies.

Kate: Wait, Lord Elbert...

Elbert: ...No?

He lifts his head from my chest and tilts it.

His blue eyes waver anxiously beneath the smooth sway of his golden hair, and the depths of my chest tingle sweetly.

Kate: ...No, I don't dislike it...

Elbert: I see... That's good.

Kate: But...

Elbert: ...But?

My face grows hot, and I hug Elbert's head tightly to my chest.

Kate: When we spend time like this... my body feels strange for a while after...so it's a bit troublesome.

Elbert: ............

Elbert: ...You're cute even when you're troubled.

Kate: Oh my...That's the one thing that really troubles me, you know...?

Elbert: ...Ah, I apologize.

Elbert: But... you're still cute even when you're angry.

Kate: ...

Elbert: ...hehe.

His shapely lips kiss the tip of my nose, leaving me speechless.

--Elbert, smiling happily, is the most beautiful person in the world.

-

William: Elbert has become more of a "greedy queen" than before, hasn't he?

After dinner the next day--after seeing off Alfons and Elbert, who had been called away by Victor, William raised his teacup to his lips and laughed cheerfully.

Kate: Is that so...?

William: Yes. Perhaps it's because he's learned to desire for himself... not for the sake of gaining someone's approval.

His hand reaches out and brushes away the hair that had fallen on my shoulder.

His fingertips touch the exposed nape of my neck.

Kate: ...William?

The memory of Elbert's lips leaving a mark of obsession there resurfaces, and my cheeks heat up.

William: This is a cute mark.

William: But Elbert's desires, from now on--may even consume your hands, feet, eyes, and ears.

William's red eyes narrow as if testing me.

The mark Elbert left tingles sweetly.

Kate: ...I understand.

Happiness, love, heart, body, life... fleeting things slip through our fingers no matter how tightly we cling to them.

I know the urge to capture, bind, consume, and not lose them burns within him.

(But Elbert... is a strong and gentle person.)

I know he suppresses his desires day and night so as not to hurt or sadden me.

I know the reason he occasionally locks me in that room is because the suppressed desires reach their limit and overflow.

(So... even if Elbert's kindness is one day consumed by desire--)

Kate: ...If it satisfies Lord Elbert,

Kate: I'd be happy to offer my arms and legs...

My whispered voice was, even to my own surprise, dreamily ecstatic.

William: ...Elbert truly found a wonderful jewel.

His fingertip traced the red mark and then left my skin.

William: I look forward to seeing where your love will lead.

Elbert: --Kate.

Kate: Ah, welcome back Lord Elbert...

Before I could turn around at his call, he pulled me closer.

Elbert: ...Come.

(Ah, there it is again.)

You look at me with such longing, covetous eyes.

I will gladly bear the sin of your greed once more.

-

As soon as we returned to his room, Elbert embraced me.

Elbert: ...I apologize.

Elbert: I try to restrain myself, to not take you away like this so you won't suffer...

Elbert: But...

His fingertips trace the spot where William touched.

Elbert: ...I couldn't.

His blue, ocean-like eyes are moist with a dim obsession, filled with pain.

(The happiness and pain Elbert feels right now)

(It's all my fault.)

Along with the guilt, a tingling pleasure runs down my spine.

He looks so pitiful, so adorable... so lovable, seeking me as if drowning in pain.

Following the feelings welling up in my chest, I kissed his lips.

Elbert: ...Kate?

Kate: You don't have to restrain yourself.

Elbert: Then... why do you look so pained?

Kate: ...Because I'm happy.

Kate: I'm happy that you desire me... that you're suffering.

Kate: I'm so happy that my chest aches...

Elbert: ...

Kate: I'm the one who should apologize, for being happy that you're suffering...

Elbert: ––Quiet.

Kate: Mmm...

Our tongues entwine deeply, our kiss stealing each other's breath, sending a tingling sensation through my head.

Elbert: ...If I don't have to restrain myself,

Elbert: I want to make you forget the feeling of being touched by anyone other than me... right now.

Kate: ...

His gaze, dark and burning hot, falls on the nape of my neck, and once again, my heart trembles with joy.

(I want to be branded with all of that possessive love--)

Kate: Please... paint me all over with you.

Elbert: ...Kate.

Elbert's hand rougly sews my wrists to the wall.

Kate: Nngh--!

I felt a sweet pain as he bit my neck, crucifying me like a butterfly.

The body that had made love in a sloppy manner just yesterday only picked up pleasure from the pain, overflowing with nectar.

Kate: Ah, ah....Nnn.....

Elbert's soft, hot tongue brushed the deeper red marks, caressing my throat, collarbone, and chest, making a watery sound.

Elbert: ...Let me expose you even more.

Elbert: Let me touch you deep inside, where only I can touch you...

My wrists were released, and I was about to collapse, but I was still standing with my back pressed against the wall. Elbert wet my entire body from top to bottom with his lips, tongue, and fingertips, opening my blouse, and removing my skirt and underwear.

It was as if he was carving my entire body into his own.

Kate: Lord Elbert...

Elbert: Hm...What...?

Kneeling at my feet, Elbert looked up at me, running his tongue along my trembling thighs.

His ocean-blue eyes, stirred as if to churn up the obsession lurking in their depths, melted into a muddy pool. The deepest part of my body, a place only Elbert could touch, ached madly for him.

Kate: ……I love you.

Elbert: …… Ah……

Elbert: I love you too.

Elbert: My –– my only, Kate.

Avaricious love erodes the gentle him.

While I cherish his kindness, I dream of the day when I will be robbed of everything by his greedy love.

That day will surely come, someday--

It will be the best happy ending for us.

-

Roger: Hey …… What do you think about El's fate?

Roger asked the man next to him, watching Kate from a distance, groaning while looking at the flowers wet with morning dew.

Alfons: El's fate …… "To die without gaining or fulfilling anything," was it?

Alfons, who was asked, leans languidly against the pillar and looks towards Roger's line of sight.

Alfons: I interpreted it literally to mean that nothing would remain in his hands……

Alfons: But if it means suffering from an endless desire for love……

Alfons: I think it's too romantic to call it a curse.

Roger: ……Are you envious?

Alfons: I'll hit you.

Another figure appears in the garden.

A man with golden hair that is dazzling even from a distance and a beautiful appearance like a bisque doll finds Kate in the flower garden and calls her name in a voice sweeter than any flower nectar.

Elbert: Kate.

Kate: ! Yes, I'm coming.

Picking a flower, Kate runs.

A fluttering butterfly, as if lured by a flower.

Roger: Haha, she looks happy just being called by her name.

Alfons: …… If I could smile like that.

Alfons: The pain of love would be just a little spice.

-

Elbert: That flower is ……?

Kate: I was looking for a flower that suits you, Lord Elbert.

I gently decorate the pure white rose I found in the garden on his hair that looks like it was spun from gathered light.

Elbert, adorned with roses, blinked his eyes.

Kate: Look ……It's very beautiful. As a thank you for the flower crown the other day.

Elbert: ……I have more things to decorate my room with again.

Kate: Shall we make it into pressed flowers?

Elbert: That's a good idea. ……Put it in a frame so it doesn't break.

Kate: Hehe, then I have to buy a nice frame.

Elbert: ............

Kate: ……Lord Elbert? What's wrong?

Elbert: ––Nothing.

Elbert: I was just admiring you again.

Elbert: You are the most beautiful in the world today, smiling happily.

Let's stay together until the best happy ending.

While embracing the joy and pain of loving each other ––.

----

Both Ending Clear Epilogue

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[Return to Ikevil Masterlist]

[greenerteacups]

I power read Lionheart months ago and it's been living in my brain ever since. In random moments, I see/think about your characters in the world around me. Like: a couple in the park holding hands? I start musing on your Draco's PDA thoughts. I remember the handholding moment as the Third Task started. I see a threadbare book in the thrift store? I wonder how fired up Hermione would be if someone asked her if wizards had an obligation to fix Muggle goods. If Reparo can fix a roof (and costs a witch nothing), should impoverished Muggles have to fight with their insurance company after a storm? On and on. I love it.

Thanks for opening up your asks for questions! Seriously, that's a badass move. There have been a few stressful moments in my life where--bing!--I check Tumblr and read one of your answers and I'm immersed in your HP world again, carefree and curious. <3

I have about a billion things I could ask/am curious about, but I'll restrain myself to two. This time. ;-)

Draco's mentioned once or twice that Harry & Ron don't understand him and Hermione. I was interested in that moment right before Draco follows Hermione to the Owlery. Harry stopped Ron from saying anything, and Draco recognizes that he's probably just as ignorant about Harry and Ron's friendship. So: 1) Is it too spoilery to ask what Harry (dear, sweet boy that he is) has noticed about Hermione & Draco? Does he think of them as one nerdbrain, or is he like Draco? Hermione? Weren't they married like, ages ago? I'm so fascinated by what others see when they look at Draco and Hermione because good GOD, what a power couple. And 2) Could you speak to Harry and Ron's relationship? Is Harry like, "Ron, you've gotta kill that Hermione pipedream," or is that topic irrelevant in the face of Quidditch gossip and less relationship-driven moments? Their (Harry and Ron) connection just seems so...necessary. It's beautiful.

I hope you're doing well! Thanks again for sharing such an immersive, gripping story with us.

Aw, this is so touching, thank you! I'll try to answer your questions as best I can without spoilers or breaching any rules on author-answer-ethics. Standard disclaimers: anything not in the text doesn't count, if I want you to believe something I have to give you a reason to believe it in the body of the fiction itself, and you're free to disagree with anything I say here. For the purposes of these types of questions, I'm basically just a fan who knows what the author had for breakfast this morning.

Harry knows that Hermione and Draco are... something. I think this comes through most in the arc of Book 4 where Ron separates from the group, and it becomes a tricycle of Draco, Hermione, and Harry. Harry is miserable, and it's not just because Ron leaves (although that's a large part of it); he's now in the position that Hermione occupies for most of the original series, where he understands very clearly that his other two friends, while both loving him very much, are First in each other's minds. He has a number of remarks that start to show his irritation with this, though he tries his best to be understanding — it is a similar dynamic to him and Ron, after all. (Fun story: I didn't realize until late in my drafting how much Hermione and Draco's dynamic echoes Harry and Ron in canon, from meeting on the train, the paying-for-candy moment, the Sorting, the class partnership, etc.)

All this to say that Harry looks at Hermione and Draco and sees a wall, in the same way that Draco looks at Harry and Ron and sees a wall. He doesn't understand it, but he knows that's deep water, and he knows he's usually better off not touching it. (Some of this comes through in Ron's conversation with Draco by the pumpkin patch; there's a blink-and-you-miss-it reference to "whatever the hell you and Hermione have got going on," along with a quick gloss on their weird pseudo-spiritual mind-meld connection, which was meant to give a glimpse into how the rest of Gryffindor sees them: eerily well-suited people with separately terrifying abilities who, when together, sail merrily off into their own universe of intelligence/plots-and-schemery and become a black hole of You Don't Want To Fucking Know. I sometimes amuse myself by thinking of Dean and Seamus giving the first years PSAs on Do Not Approach the Wild Swots In Action.) And he, like most of Gryffindor Tower, would have to be blind not to see how much they favor each other. They're always together. There's really nothing that they can do to hide it.

Which is probably why he pulls Ron back in the Owlery moment. He understands that what Hermione is dealing with is something that Draco, perhaps only Draco, can fix. She needs to hear a very specific kind of reassurance, and she needs to hear it from him. In the same way, when Hermione tried to calm Harry down before the plan to rescue Sirius in the third book, she failed miserably; they love each other intensely (they're siblings! the muggle-born twins!) but they're extremely different, and of all the Quartet dynamics, they're the ones who seem most at peace with that. Harry and Hermione's friendship works because they get what the other needs and they get that sometimes it's not them. (Harry more than Hermione, because she's still working on the concept of "sometimes people do not want my help" in general, but still.) There's a reason basically no one ever speculates about them being involved outside of a joke, because no one who knows them would think they could work romantically. They love each other, but they weird each other out, and they're content with that.

In contrast, Ron and Harry's friendship is more of the soul-bonded, life-partners, "he is more myself than I am" kind of friendship. Catherine and Heathcliff dig-up-the-corpse-to-lie-down-with-it type of shit. When Ron gets a death scare in the finale of Book 3, Harry goes fucking ballistic. Likewise with Harry's portkey fakeout in the end of Book 4 — Ron loses his shit. They are deeply, irrevocably attached to each other in an almost codependent way, which is the product of Harry's "first friend ever, like literally fucking ever, not nobody else, not one" situation meeting Ron's "first person who ever loved me as Ron and not so-and-so's brother" situation. So just as you put it, really: necessary and beautiful (and messy).

[tagedeszorns]

Can you show us your drawing process?

Many of my pictures are the result of emotionally charged inspiration. This can be a picture, a film scene or, very often, music. In this case: "Hurt" by Johnny Cash.

Once I'm in the mood to draw something and inspiration has provided me with a vague idea, I create my first scribble.

I use a different colour overlay for each scribble layer. This helps me to sort myself out. It has become a habit that the first raw scribble is coloured purple. Then green, then red for the actual outline. Red and green also have "historical" reasons, as before the time of print films, the preparatory artists in old comics used these colours. But that really doesn't matter today and only feels good to me because it creates a kind of spiritual connection to my ancestors. Does that sound crazy?

Once the composition is finalised, I look at all kinds of pictures that can serve as a reference for complicated parts. For example, photos with extreme perspective foreshortening and the like. Reference images are extremely important, hardly any artist who works a lot with anatomy does without them. The human body is fascinating, but it has some quite astonishing characteristics that you can't make up!

It's a good idea to have a folder where you can store interesting pictures of anatomy for possible future references. I have a lot of collections called "Arms_Foreshortened" or, my most hated, "Feet_Angled".

Once I have defused all the anatomical booby traps, I start working on the design. Sometimes I already plan where I'm going to set accents with flat, black elements. In this case, I wanted to keep the focus on the demon and therefore designed the body at the bottom to be very blocky and restrained.

Now it's time for the final outline. You can see that the green scribble is already very close to the final drawing. But that doesn't always have to be the case. Sometimes there are several completely different green scribble stages.

I have a few ink brushes that I use again and again, but I'm not 100% satisfied with any of them. I'm still looking for the perfect brush. Both for pencil and ink. I have quite a few home-made brushes - especially for special pieces like chains.

As I rarely or never really colour, I use black to give depth and weight. And to draw attention. Black can have both a restrained effect by concealing unnecessary details (for example, on the body in the picture below) and also draw the eye to itself, as with the black parts of the demon.

I love black. Black is fantastic.

Then add a little background (I hate backgrounds) and you're done!

[arisenreborn]

Arisen & Pawn Terms of Address & Endearment - Reverie & Rann

Rann to Reverie:

"Arisen": A most basic way of addressing her, most often used while in the presence of other Pawns. Sometimes refrains from using it around people/in areas she might not wish to be identified as the Arisen, or it may otherwise be unwise to do so.

(Reverie's Rating: 5/10 - She'll put up with it and there's no real fighting it, but it's far from her favorite thing.)

"Master": Similar to Arisen, but it utilized at any time more safely. There is over time an increasingly sentimental and meaningful way in which he says it. She is not merely his master as Arisen and Pawn, but something far deeper and more significant.

(Reverie's Rating: 6.8/10 - Much the same as Arisen, the only thing that elevates it's score is that she can hear that sentiment behind it. Sometimes she thinks it sounds like a confession...)

"Reverie": Originally softly broached in the privacy of their own home, used most often when they are alone - or in matters of urgency or seriousness. Gradually he does grow more comfortable that it begins to slip more casually, until it becomes his primary mean of addressing her.

(Reverie's Rating: 10/10 - Few things make her happier, or like her heart is where it ought to be, fluttering in her chest. In all truth, it's probably a good thing he used it slowly at first, letting her get used to it. Often when he says it, it sounds like "I love you.")

"Your Majesty": Used once or twice in jest in lieu of her complaints about Brant's way of addressing her - but also a strange irritation within himself. Something about it feels 'right'. It's said with love, adoration, and deepest devotion. And yes, a pinch of teasing.

(Reverie's Rating: 9/10 - She would hate it if not for the fact it truly came across as a fun pet name, like a secret between them.)

Reverie to Rann:

"Rann": Well, what else would she call him? Even when she first started out with no memories and little idea what was going on around her, his name (and presence) were comfortable and somehow familiar, like they were stitched into the weave of her being.

(Rann's Rating: 10/10 - It's just his name, but it feels more his own, like there's meaning to it somehow, when he hears her say it.)

"Avierann": It was Reverie that remembered this name first, oddly enough - though she can't say why. When he recognized it he insisted 'Rann' was what he remembered for a reason, though not for any dislike of the former. She likes to keep it for herself a little, to use it in private, like she's unlocking a secret - and he feels much the same.

(Rann's Rating: 10/10 - It resonates so close to his heart, as if shaking off the ages of dust and dirt that time have accumulated over it. Something about it makes him feel he is close to the truth - not his truth, but theirs.)

"My Heart": Reverie's revenge. First used shortly after their reunion in the Unmoored World. The weight of it's significance and depth of meaning is not lost on either of them. (Plus from my meta writers view, the nods to Rann being 'asleep' and only 'moving' when she returns [a heart without a beat] + if things had been different she would have regained her heart, but sacrificed reclaiming it in part because she 'doesn't need it'.)

(Rann's Rating: 10/10 - I'm physically restraining myself from adding higher numbers I'm playing by my made-up rules here, but it's also true he's just a simp and anything she calls him bears weight. This particular, 'personally crafted' term of endearment however calls to mind all they have struggled against and overcame, the sacrifices they've made to get this far, and the new life together they've finally made.)

[lucky-dyse]

[Because you said you were thinking about making a sideblog for Dillinger Sr., if you want to attempt RPing him... Wasn't sure if I should send this here or to your other blog; feel free to ignore.]

Ed wasn't certain why he agreed to the meeting with his father, he knew it could only end in disaster. They hadn't spoken in ten years, and Ed wasn't certain that was long enough to forgive twenty-ish years of grievances and abuse.

He still wasn't entirely certain this wasn't a ploy to get Ed to work for fCon; to wrangle Ed back under his thumb. But for once, things were going well for Ed. For once, he wasn't afraid that any tiny misstep would get him fired for no reason, and he wasn't alone. Somehow he managed to gain both Alan and Sam's support, and that was enough for him to feel safe and content.

So when Peter showed up at his office with a dinner invitation from his father, Ed politely told his father's assistant that he'd consider it and get back to him by the end of the week. He sat on it for a week and talked to both Sam and Alan before finally contacting Peter to accept. He still had Sam put a tracker on his phone, just in case.

Ed sat across from his father at some stupid, fancy restaurant he would never have gone to himself, an untouched glass of wine in front of him that cost more than his grocery bill for a week.

They might as well have been strangers for all the awkward silence, the table between them a sea of twenty years of misgivings only embittered by another decade without attempt to reconcile.

The awkward silence, of course, was a test of will, to see who would break first. His father wanted an apology for stonewalling him and filing the restraining order, and Ed wanted an apology for the twenty years of emotional abuse he endured as a child. Ed had no intention to apologize, but they would never reconcile if they don't at least try to talk. Fine. Ed is big enough to take the first step.

Ed sighed. "Grudges and a penchant for sulking... I guess it runs in the family, huh?"

"Yes.. I suppose I once thought you were like me." Dillinger brought his forefingers up and pressed them to his lips, the way he always did when he was puzzling over something internally. He kept his eyes on his son, trying to think of a way to start a conversation without pressing on a sore spot.

The worst part was he didn't know his son anymore, and perhaps he never did.

"I saw myself in you, once. After that Flynn destroyed my career and my reputation, I began to hate that part of myself, and essentially, what I thought you had become." He admitted, shifting to sit taller. He, as Edward Dillinger Sr., hated admitting that he had made a mistake, but he also knew that was the first step to reconciliation.

"But you're nothing like me." He picked up his wine glass, more of just to stare at the red liquid than to drink it.

"In fact, you're someone completely different and.. although it will not change what I've done in the past, I am truly sorry for how I treated you." He didn't expect forgiveness, nor did he entirely want it. He knew 'I'm sorry' wasn't good enough, and nothing ever would be.

"You deserved better," he continued, "you deserved a father that could set aside his personal vandetta and treat you like a son, not an enemy. If you wish to leave now, you may be excused. I won't force you to stay for dinner."

[incarnateirony]

You know, thinking about my post about the metempsychosis shift, the mood shift, her increasing stretches of silence, restrained posting into rebellious burst posting into only her morning fuckup of "oops I showed I never read a hermes book... twice, back to back" into day long silence, like.

She's sitting there trying to figure out another narrative to spin, ain't she?

Like she's so deep in this shit and told so many lies until she forgot the truth, and acted so grossly, and abusively, for so long, for no good reason but exactly what I've explained to her as her lone excuse. But then, like... how can she be bad guy? No this is meanie evil ex she had to warn the whole goddamn world about wherever he went, years after breaking up. The fuck you mean she was the baddie like the nazi gif that only exists because her great uncle commited a holocaust?

idk man. Weird. And you can't even fully villainize my other actions. Did I cuss and yell and threaten when it went off? Yeah, because not only was this bitch shaking the dragon graveyard under me nonstop, but I packed the superbowl up our asses to make it loud while she pretended not to see or hear anything, and man, I got a lot of amp and bass. And there's a lot of pissed off generations. But in the end, I'm still trying to help at least Athena once she showed signs of life. There are ways out of this for her that don't involve losing everything, and it literally comes down to 1. Face yourself 2. Tell the truth. Out Loud.

So it's gotta be increasingly difficult while she watches gnostic mages and channelers sing my song and talk about the great game, the suicide hotline, 8ball, whatever the fuck. Just clearly specific ass things, while she tried to ignore me even essentially controlling her blog, timeline, warning when her bird would get sick, all of it. Just ignore ignore ignore. And now there's all this pain, suffering, and public humiliation on her hands, just because she wouldn't stop 2 months ago. Or 8. Or 3 years. Or 10. Or 20.

But actually making her type out something to the tune of "I was fucked up, I was wrong, I've hurt people, and I've been living in a state of ongoing delusion that is destructive to myself and everyone around me, the rumpocky was never real, Brian was always part of Aaron's Brain, and that's different from my Niekai Brain, and my addiction to Brian* has led me to do terrible things." is just. Like. 404 error what the fuck do you mean misfit Athena kinnie drained of 90% of her IQ can be wrong?

Even once she faces it, once she does for real, there's nothing she can do. Like. ATHENA GO KICK AARON'S ASS. Why. Beyond him being one of the annoying tricksters. Like he got me out. You're functional now. WELL UH--BECAUSE. No, no falling down the pit of Because, that's where the Hounds of Reason have been chewing on you.

I dunno, it just feels like she's legit trying to find a way she can still roleplay narrative out of it while half glancing over her proverbial shoulder at the idea of the Athena inside, not outside, but the ramifications of it on her entire life are too much, so just. Catloaf and pretend not to see or hear it while trying to meditate out a way to go "but... this is HIS fault, somehow."

The only fault of mine is taking the Action of setting off this trap, but I was not even alone in that, and had assistance from brothers and capacitators outside of myself that wanted to see it born, too. And I will own the Act of this, because this Act brings Freedom, for myself at least if not her. That's it, that's the part that's my fault. Setting at least myself, if not her, free. Or burying a monster. Her choice which it becomes.

Otherwise? Naw lady. You even drove into this while I warned you for months on my blog not to. This is all you, lady. Just cough up the air jordans, the confession, the apology, and start deleting shit that doesn't belong to you.

It's time to let us go and actually move forward with your life.

You'd be surprised how many less pills you'll need to not rip out your hair once you do that, much less what kind of "magic" you can do. No seriously before you needed like one bipolar medication and probably coulda used the ritalin, so that's like. 2. Not handfuls every time girl.

There is no magic, only Will.

Do what thou will shall be the whole of the law, and sometimes that involves destroying evil for giggles.

And even once she faces it, then Mark has to face his complicity and involvement in it, and has to start facing his own actions and shadows all the same, and everything that was enabled down Delulu Road. And Shea will have to process that about their entire relationship.

Mess.

[rhiawriter]

Hi!!!

Sorry I took time to respond to this, but I loved times beyond infinity the last chapter of The Writers!!! Literati, Gilmore Girls angst, Luke fangirling over Jess and Rory, did I mention Literati??? It was definitely great!!!

I have to ask a few things- will Rory use her reasons for 'Why Jess' as the basis for her next project? Also, you did say I could ask about what is the future headcanon post this chapter. So what would Jess and Rory be like in the future, say now in 2022? Another thing- what would Doula be like when she's a teen and how would she have reacted to Jess and Rory being a couple? And last but not the least, it is possible that soon (not exactly now), you'll be able to write a sequel? If you have the time???

Anyway thanks once again!!! Congrats on finishing the Writers once again!

TC! ✌️

Hi!

I'm so glad you liked it!

Rory's next project is another book that's going to come from her investigative journalism work. So no, it won't involve Jess at all, but be a serious expose type book.

I have no plans to write a sequel at this point. I'm sorry to disappoint! I put my future head cannon after the break so I don't accidentally spoil the end for anyone who hasn't read it yet.

So... the story ends in 2019. Like a lot of couples I know, I think Jess and Rory get super serious during the pandemic because they're kind of thrust into it. South Street does get greenlit by HBO, so Jess makes some good money from that project. When the NYC housing market plummets, Jess buys an apartment in Washington Heights (near The Cloisters), and Rory gives up her apartment and moves in with him. (Lol, I imagine them spending a couple of months in Stars Hollow at the beginning of the pandemic too, but them both going so crazy, they move back to NYC pretty quickly.)

After a couple of years of living together, they start talking about having a kid. Rory's in her mid-30's and is worried that she might miss her shot to have one. Rory gets pregnant, and while it's not unplanned (come on, Rory definitely uses two type of bc all the time. It's her personality plus she's got all the trauma from being the daughter of a teen mom), it happens more quickly than they were expecting so they both still feel a little shocked by it. They have a daughter, and they love her, but decide to keep to the 1 kid. They also eventually get married, but after being together for years and already having a kid together, lol. Eventually they decide it's just worth it for financial reasons.

They live in Washington Heights and adore their daughter but also both remain very focused on their careers. Eventually, I think they buy a summer home in Stars Hollow, that Lorelai runs as an AirBnB when they're not in town. So they spend some of the summer in SH, and their kid spends a lot of time with Luke and Lorelai, but the bulk of their life is spent in NYC where they continue to work as writers and be immersed in the NYC writing world.

I don't know what their daughters name is. I need to restrain myself from trying to figure that out. 🤣

I really haven't thought much about Doula. I just know that she's conservative and she and Jess never become close. Also, probably at some point she legally changes her first name. 🤷‍♀️

[deepseavibez]

Blindspot || KTH

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-> Picture Source - Pinterest

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Blindspot [Taehyung x Reader]

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Genre - Best Friend; Fear of the Future; Nighttime Memories; Mixed Feelings;

Summary - She believed in more. In better. In bigger. That life was out there waiting to be grabbed with both hands. He's made it his sole purpose to remind her that simple moments were beautiful and meant to be enjoyed... and maybe, she would realize he was one of them.

Warning - (Slight) Angst; Anxiety; Unsure feelings; Fear of the Future; Fluff; Comfort;

Word Count - 4.7k

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🎶 - I'm Fine - BTS

TAE

‘Tae.’

‘Y/n?’ He pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at the time, ‘it’s 3am babe.’

‘... I'm sorry for waking you. Sorry. Go back to sleep, it's okay.’

‘Hey, no, no, I'm awake.’ Sitting up, he switched the phone to his other hand and rubbed at his eyes, ‘What's going on.’

‘It’s not important, I swear,’ he could hear her trying to mask her shakiness over the phone. ‘You can go back to sleep.’

He wouldn’t call her out on lying. He knew better than anyone when y/n was in a bad way. Once he asked her, specifically him, what was wrong, she would crumble and he wasn’t there to catch her right now. ‘Y/n. Come on, talk to me.’

‘I can't sleep.’

‘Yeah, no shit,’ he yawned back.

‘I'm so sorry for waking you.’ He could hear the trepidation in her voice.

‘You know better than to apologize for something like that, ‘ he chastised. ‘Babe, tell me about it. Was it a bad dream? Something keeping you up?’

----------

Y/N

You could hear shuffling over the phone as you searched for an answer. It was hard to put certain emotions into words. You only knew you needed to phone Tae, regretting it too late, when he actually answered. ‘I'm not sure,’ you started awkwardly, ‘I guess. I just don't know where I'm going.’

‘Do you plan on leaving me anytime soon?’ Already pulling your leg, he got you to roll your eyes.

‘No, of course not. I just mean, like, metaphorically.’

Things were a bit...confusing right now.

It had been a long time since you last had to deal with emotions this strong. The voices, getting harder to ignore. You had enough outside negativity to deal with, like family and some friends, all having this certain expectation from you.

It was new for you to rebel, to be who you wanted to be and feel how you wanted to feel without consequences. Choosing a life you solely strived toward, negating the tiny voice in your head saying you were wasting time and you were running out of time and you were not enough.

‘I don't know what I want to do, Tae!’ You burst out, the build up too long, the burden too heavy. ‘I don't have plans. I have a great job, I do. But I don't want to be a PA for the rest of my life and I don't know where to start, where to look, how to choose what I want to do.

I don’t have it figured out, it hasn’t fallen onto my lap, and when I look, I feel like I’m going to waste even more time looking.’

‘Y/n, you know you have a lot more figured out than you give yourself credit for.’ The huskiness of his sleep-leaden voice, comforted you. ‘You have money, a routine stable job, you've worked you way through university and graduated with honors.’ Taehyung did it without effort and he knew you would hear his gruff tone above all others, in a crowd, in a panic, as a voice of reason.

‘I know, and I keep trying to remind myself of that, but it’s just become unbearable. I am running out of time.’ Struggling to remain composed you spoke into the phone as if he was right here, ‘What if I'm still here in ten years, Tae? What if I don't ever figure out my purpose? What if I'm meant to just work and then die? I haven't lived! I haven’t seen the world. I’ve made everyone proud and now I’m the black sheep. I prefer it, It's just-,’

The sound of keys jangling cut you off.

‘Tae,’ you asked tentatively, confusion evident.

‘Hmm.’

‘What are you doing?’ You asked when he provided no further explanation.

‘Are you in pj's right now?’

‘Uh,’ you looked down at your white vest and underwear, just to make sure, ‘yeah, why?’

‘Miss y/n, I didn't know you slept in the nude.’

The protests left you immediately at his teasing, slithering heat under your skin at the very notion. ‘Tae! I am not sleeping in the nude, I have underwear on.’

‘Uh huh, what color are they?’ Your cheeks flamed in embarrassment. You could imagine his smirk, that dumb cocky, arrogant smirk.

He laughed, the sound gruff, infuriating you more, and causing you to giggle back. Because you were the butt of the joke, and you liked his laugh too much. Trying to be mad at him, even when play-fighting or harmless bantering, Taehyung, not a chance.

‘Listen,’ a seriousness settling between you, ‘get dressed, just sweatpants, and a shirt.’

‘Wait, what, why,’

‘Baby, listen for once. Just get dressed and give me five minutes.’

You looked at the blank screen, stunned. Your brain stuck at the word baby, and the effect it had. Your insides were mush, anxiety mollified, despite not knowing what he was about to do next.

‘Babe’, you knew, ‘babe’, you understood, that was normal, routine, best friend. But Baby?

You mulled over it as you discarded your vest, and threw on a loose Celine shirt. Pulling on your black sweats, a pair of socks and air force ones because who knows what this boy was up to, you stopped. You sniffed, once, twice, yep, that was Taehyung’s body wash, but what - oh, you tugged the loose collar toward your nose, yep, this was Tae’s shirt.

You composed yourself, almost deadpan at the small realization. When had he even stripped in your room and why weren’t you there.

Wrapping your messy hair into a bun, you restrained your mind from wandering further.

Your phone beeped from the bed and the screen lit up, a message popping up. ‘Look out your window.’

Peeping out you saw his black Jeep in your driveway. He popped his head out of the driver’s side window and did a two finger salute.

Shaking your head with a smile, you grabbed your phone and made your way downstairs through the house and out the front door.

‘What are you doing here,’ you asked as soon as he came into view. He looked good, white tee, black sweatpants, you matched, except for his leather jacket and red bandana.

He opened the passenger door on your side and leaned back, giving you a once over. His lips twitched as he rested his eyes on the shirt you wore. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he wanted you in his shirt. You raised your eyebrow playfully, refusing to give life to something like butterflies and heart-eyes when your best friend stood in front of you. Life was complicated enough.

‘You needed me to show up.’ He said it a matter-of-factly, but you knew he wanted to be there for you and you couldn’t, not feel grateful, and a little warm, that he would get into his car drive to you, all because you needed him to.

Not waiting for you to reply, he threw a jersey at you. ‘Its cold,’ his tone left no room for protest and he cocked his head toward the jeep, a sign to get in.

You wrapped it around you silently, not moving, not yet.

‘Well,’ his thumb curled around the top of the steering wheel as the rest of his fingers straightened out, his freehand rising to follow his question, ’Come on, get in.’

‘Where are we going?’ You would have gotten in, you would probably end up wherever he was going to take you anyway, but where was the fun in doing everything obediently. Even puppies had wild streaks.

He raised his eyebrow this time, a smirk teasing his cheek, 'You're brave every night, y/n. But not tonight, not while you're with me, come, trust me, wherever we go I'll keep you safe.'

You turned to close and lock the front door, breathing out slowly, as slow and low as you could, doing your best to work on the constriction around your heart; his words too wiry, too strong, too genuine to forget, too deep to ignore. It made you so... agreeable.

Getting into the Jeep, you felt different as you sat here now, in a seat you had been in too many times to count. It was probably the time and the circumstances. Yeah, some shifts were just because of the time, and the air and because it was silent and the dead of night.

You said nothing more, even though a few minutes earlier you spoke into the phone like you would explode if you couldn’t get the words out fast enough, you would be alone in your head, if you weren’t able to make him understand.

You jumped slightly, as you felt his hand close over yours, and pull it toward him to brush his lips along your knuckles. It was an absent action, maybe, because he stared straight ahead, didn’t spare a glance at you as you stared at the side of his head, making it look like he wasn’t even aware he was doing what he was doing.

Swallowing against the pounding of your heart, you chalked this up too. Night time was vulnerable, everyone was just a little more sensitive, you didn’t have to make it more than it needed to be.

Looking out the window you noted the lights and dark windows, empty parks and streets, doing your best to ignore the heat against your hand, the breath against your knuckles, lips not very far away, that were capable of a lot more.

With some effort, you faded out the intensity of his actions, and as your eyes adjusted you saw familiar figures, and buildings you had driven past numerous times. You knew where you were going.

He pulled up in the parking lot of his safe haven. In retrospect, your safe place should be entirely different, but you were safe with Tae, that said, his peace was where you found yours.

Jumping out of the Jeep, you noted how dark and looming the two story building looked. A huge sign reading 'Blindspot' the only posh part about this place, black metal roller doors, spray painted names across the walls, some of the neon colors standing luminescent against the moonless night.

One would think it was graffiti, but the community knew better, the ones that came and went, some that stopped and never left, knew having your name on the wall was a privilege.

He jumped out too, after grabbing something from the back. Carrying it toward you, you noted his knapsack, and a box of some sort.

Handing it over to you to hold, you took hold of them silently, as he pulled out the keys to open the locks and deadbolt.

You watched him, his actions purposeful but he was at home, knowing which way the locks turned, the catch on the bolt needing to be kicked out a certain way before opening fully; he'd done this a thousand times before.

Lifting up the shutters, the noise too loud for the silent night, he opened the door and guided you in, making you all too aware of his palm in the small of your back. Taking the stuff from your hand and throwing it onto the edge of the ring and he lifted up to close the shutters behind you.

You took notice of the extra shirt that falls out of the pile on the ring, one of your favorites of his actually, grey with black spots, sort of like a giant cookies and cream oreo mix.

The empty gym in front of you was a contrast to the busy days it had. There was a weight section, the bags lined up against the far wall hanging still, having no impact thrown at it to sway the dead weight, and the machines had their own floor upstairs, treadmills overlooking the balustrades to the floor below, by the ring where you stood.

The pool area, directly below you, in the basements where the changing rooms and showers could be found.

It looked small on the outside, but inside there were stories to be told, motivation, encouragement, brotherhood, friendships solidified in stone and a fair share of violent memories with broken bones, broken bonds and broken hearts.

Walls were packed with quotes, anatomy teachings and pictures, schedules, a dedicated to growing trophy case with medals and newspaper clippings, and pictures of staff, members, and the boss, with his best friend.

What Tae didn't continue, was the stereotype of the grunge masculine look that came with gyms. Outside may be black as night, but inside there was color everywhere - a world within.

The punching bags were each a different shade, green, red, yellow and blue. The ring bottom was black, neon orange ropes running along the sides in three consecutive lines, and your personal favorite, a giant pride flag hung on a hook outside his office door.

Toxic masculinity wasn't allowed in Taehyung's gym. You could be yourself, make your own lifestyle choices and still be a good fighter or just work-out. He took it upon himself to punch the teeth out of anyone that thought otherwise. This was what he'd always wanted to do and he made it more than just a place to get healthy.

There were four hours, two for the morning, two for the afternoon, catered only to women. Tae understood that men will be men, no matter how much you tried to change it. And comfort mattered.

Working out and exercising, as much as it seemed, like a chore, it could be enjoyable. It could be a social setting, helping people to open up, and cope, providing the best way for them to be themselves.

You helped him find a premises, helped him choose color schemes, and sat in on interviews. For legal purposes you were an advisor and owned a small share percentage. You didn't want it, but Tae insisted, you were especially grateful when the gym grew into more than you both had expected it to become.

'Y/n,' he waved his hand in front of your face, the action snapping you out of your thoughts.

'Huh, sorry, did you say something?'

He smiled comfortingly, 'Take the jacket off and your shoes.'

Scrunching your eyebrows, you finally asked, 'Tae, what are we doing here?'

'We are,' he started explaining as he ripped open a box in his hand, 'doing something I feel you need.'

Looking at you pointedly, he motioned his eyes to the jacket.

Shucking it off, you took off your shoes and redid your bun for good measure.

'It's strange isn't it,' you voiced out loud. He perked up at your food for thought, fingers fiddling with white tape. 'It's strange, that I know every corner of this place, but I haven't ever put a pair of gloves on.'

He raised his hand absently, a student raising his hand to give an answer, his gaze focused on yours as he did. 'That's because you've never had the need to, I'm here to protect you.'

Turning away, you caught yourself, before you let your heart show in your eyes. You've known Tae for so long, been his best friend for years, why now, why this feeling, this tightness in your chest.

You played it off, and walked over to him, socked feet padding against the wooden floor boards.

Taehyung clicking his tongue startled you out of your effort to feel normal; you found him staring at your socks.

'Y/n, I've told the guys this numerous times, you can't spar in the boxing section with socks. It's a slipping hazard.' No trace of the out of the blue romantic words, he bent down easily removing them from your feet one after the other.

It would be weird, if you weren't already so used to his skinship, his cuddling when he slept over, his hand straying over your shoulder on the couch, or brushing against your waist when he passed you. Yet, his thumb, on your ankle, his hand as he circled and held it, even for just the moment that he laid your foot down after taking off the sock, you felt… taken.

You wanted to snort, the wording completely off, I mean, he had a right over you, always had but-

He came into focus, looking up at you from where he sat, and asked lightly,' Do you wash these.'

Your mouth dropped open, as you watched him hold your purple socks in between two fingers, like it would bite him, or the smell would.

Your knee nudged at the side of his face playfully as you reached to pull him up. He took your socks, holding them properly now and put them in his bag, picking up the white tape he was fidgeting with earlier.

'So, will I be sparring with you today?' You were excited now. You had watched people vent and let themselves be free as they learned technique, let themselves be violent without consequences, the satisfaction on their faces after their sessions.

When he finally reaches you again he finds the catch and opens it out. White athletic tape, used to make arms and wrists stiffer, and to provide better grip, even with sweat and slick.

'No, not today. Let's focus on getting you worked up and tired. If you enjoy it, I'll gladly let you go toe to toe with me.' His eyes held a challenge, an underlying meaning evident.

Offering your hands up freely, he taped your wrists and fingers, you've seen him do it many times, just never on your wrists. Experimentally you shook out your fingers and bent and scrunched your wrist to allow for the right amount of tightness.

'Cocky, aren't you, Mr. Kim,' you side-eyed him.

He leaned into you, his breath teasing yours, 'I am the Coach here, y/n.' You blinked at the nervous fluttering in your chest, his intimidation, usually not directed so closely to you, doing something you couldn't explain, couldn't quite grasp.

Somehow, you should be scared, but it was, hot.

Leaning into him, breath for breath, you matched up, 'Then teach me.'

A slow smile broke out over his lips, playful Tae was back, it let you navigate things easier, you knew what to expect.

'So, I'm boxing the bag,' you deduced. 'I don't see why I need to tire myself out. I don't know how to do this.'

His palms closed over your cheeks, puffing your face up, emphasizing your pout. 'You are frustrated. You can't do anything about any of your emotions tomorrow, y/n. You have to be patient. You have to remind yourself it's a day at a time that gets you to your future. It will always be about patience.'

'Unfortunately, patience is overrated at something to 4am,’ you complained as he let go of your face and bent down to produce a new set of gloves from under the ring. Opening the zip of the bag, he pushed one toward you.

Shaking his head at your antics, not even phased, he strapped the gloves to both your hands and walked toward a bag. 'Come on, try it.'

'Color?'

'The yellow one.' He made to stand behind the bag you chose, and held either side of it, knees bent slightly in a defensive stance.

Feeling slightly out of place, and awkward, you huffed and punched the bag just to humor him.

You stared at it. The fucking thing didn't even move.

He burst out laughing at the comical look on your face.

'Okay, wait no,' he composed himself and came around you. His breath fanned your neck, giving you goosebumps, as he held your wrists and showed you how to punch. 'So straighten your elbow, like this, and pull it back in and see how the gloves are shaped, your forefingers curl above your thumb, so inside your glove your thumb shouldn't be in the fist.'

Nodding as you took in the new information, you did your best not to get distracted as he continued, all too comfortable in his element.

'When your wrist hits the bag don't curl it, let it face the impact head on. See, this is how you do it, so you don't break your wrist.' He made you punch the bag and showed you where your wrist was bending and how to keep it tight.

'Alright, baby,' that word, that goddamn word, 'you good to try again?'

Closing your eyes and swallowing hard, you nodded in answer and shook your head out of the Tae trance.

'Start with a simple combo this time, Jab, Jab, Uppercut, Hook.' You knew the names and their directions. Jab was straight forward, twice fast on the submissive hand as a set-up, the uppercut from downward into the abdomen or chin, depending, and the hook, from the dominant hand rounding off on the face.

'Think of it all y/n,' he encouraged, as he walked to his original position, 'the people, the words, the expectations, the beating up of yourself you do on a daily basis, and just go for it.'

Spreading your legs in a stance, aiming at the bag on his command, you clenched your fists and focused.

'Go'

----

'And breathe.'

Breathing heavily you fell flat to the floor, and stared up at the ceiling.

Sweat was in your eyes and your hair, but despite being in dire need of a shower, you felt oddly at ease. Tiny zings of exertion shot through your body as your lungs begged for air and you heard your blood rushing.

The roof was really pretty you thought, the wood positioned in long blocks to form and hold up the gable, grabbing your attention for the first time ever.

You blinked as Tae's face came into view, his hands resting on his knees.

He smirked cutely as he brushed your sweat slicked hair out of your eyes and off your face before reaching down to pick you up off the floor.

Handing you a water bottle, you let him manhandle you as he lifted your form to sit on the edge of the ring, launching himself up to sit next to, a second later.

'How do you feel?' He was proud of himself no doubt, after all, his plan did succeed.

You made a face at him, anyway.

'Hey,' he put both his hands up in mock surrender. 'It worked, didn't it.'

You cut him some slack, this time. 'Yeah, I feel icky, but definitely less worked up.'

---------

🎶 - Black Swan - BTS

TAE

Taking a swig of the water you had opened in your hand, he looks at the top of your head as he closes it and puts it away.

'Hey.'

She looks up at him, eyes hooded in exhaustion.

He smiles at her. Despite how much he loved her spitfire, she's adorable when she's not talking back.

He knew of the thoughts that crawled up her spine on a daily basis. He knew she had no plan, and it made her hyper that she didn't have one, but she couldn't make one because, what if she chose wrong.

He wanted to take care of her. He wanted to tell her that she could be whatever she wanted to be, and he would fly her across the ocean if she really wanted it; that she didn't need to worry about life so much because he would always take care of her.

'You're too sad.'

She scrunched her eyebrows at him.

'You have the whole weight of the world on your shoulders and you can't do anything about it.' He chose his next words carefully. 'I wish you could take a breather, and let a thought be a thought instead of picking it apart.'

He held up his hand to her when she made to protest.

'You know, things may not feel okay right now, with work, or at home, and in your head. But I've never seen someone adapt like you have. You bounce back, despite how much grit it takes.'

He took the gloves off her hand and carefully unwinded the tape on her fingers.

'I don't have answers y/n. But I do know you have me for a long time and I'm going to be here as you do your thing.'

Placing pressure on each finger he massaged the tightness out of it and flexed it for her.

'I don't know where you're supposed to go, if you were meant to leave and give me a round-the-world heartbreak, I'm not sure who you're supposed to be, I don't even know if you have a higher purpose, it wouldn't surprise me if you did, but you, y/n,' he heaved a sigh as he faced her, his gaze meeting hers, his next words the most important thing she'd need to remember,' you're a good you.'

As he met her eyes, her breath hitched. He heard it. He could see the flush in her face. He knew he was being honest. He knew he meant every word.

A half smile, a heavy acceptance, hands that were so easy to hold, eyes that were never anything but honest, a bond that all but forced a person to keep swimming. That was Taehyung to y/n. And that was y/n to Taehyung.

'You're a really, good you,' he reinforced. 'Right now, it works. I have a feeling it will work for a very long time.'

'I'm scared.' He could hear it in her voice. He heard it back when she was in her room too.

'Nothing is really set in stone, babe. And even though it does feel like you're running out of time, it's something you can't help. It's not what you want to hear but it's true.'

'How do I stop being sad?'

She was deflecting. But he had said it before, it wouldn't be gone tomorrow. Her anxiety and her fears, they will probably never go away.

She had the right way to go about it though. You get through it. Somehow. Some days it's a good cry, some days it's with a punching bag, and some days, it was with a best friend.

'See, now that's why you have me.' He answered confidently, as he put his chest out, his need to have her be okay, her smile, her laugh, his only intentions, his favorite thing these days.

'Oh really, you, why, because you're a clown.'

He feigned offense at the statement. 'Excuse me, I am not a clown, ask anyone that comes in for the 5am rush.'

She looked up at the clock in shock, it was really going half-four. She turned back to him sadly, 'I kept you up all night.'

'It was a fun night,' he replied, the teasing of many other ways to keep him up on the tip of this tongue, deciding against it, he looked away from her. 'You needed me, no amount of sleep is worth that.'

He didn't explain himself, he really didn't mind the lack of sleep. He could easily catch a nap in his office, or head home after half a day. But this, this moment with his best friend, that he wanted to be more, he knew he wouldn't choose to be anywhere else. He knew he'd do it over again too.

Pushing off the ring he grabbed the knapsack and handed her his shirt. 'Change out of that shirt, and use this one, you'll catch a cold, because of the sweat. And let's get you home, you need a hot shower, and sleep. I'll drop by for dinner after work too.'

Finally turning to her, he found she hadn't moved an inch, unshed tears in her eyes. Before he knew what he was doing, he pulled her toward him, sweat and all, and held her in his arms. 'You're first y/n, you'll always be first.'

A tender kiss on her head, his words rendering her speechless, and he knew uncharted waters were on the horizon.

This night, things that he'd said, the ways in which she responded, it was going to shift things for them.

But silence was comfortable for them. And she drank his share of coffee while he ate her share of pineapple, because he couldn't stand coffee and she hated pineapple. And he could hold her in his arms and she'd use his shirt while they slept.

It would start small, but he'd show her, the future was bright, she was deserving of more than she understood, she would be protected from her family and expectations and she would learn to remember, purpose or no purpose she wasn't alone, she never would be again.

[twistedtranslations]

Idia Shroud - I can’t

You can unlock this story by getting Idia’s SR Ceremony outfit

Translation under the cut

TL notes

Q.E.D. is a manga where the main character gets roped into various detective cases by his friend and only solves them because they asked.

Idia calls others with the -shi suffix, which can be translated as Mr. but I left that out.

Ignihyde Dorm - Idia's room

Idia: Sigh… I can't do it after all… Why did I make that nonsensical promise with Ortho to appear at the entrance ceremony… No, it's because I'm weak to Ortho's requests, I know, I know, I’m almost like that Q.E.D. guy… But I shouldn't be! 

Idia: There's no way that a shut-in like me will suddenly show up at a big event like the entrance ceremony where all the students gather! Y-Y-Yet I'm the dorm leader…?! Just thinking of everyone watching me… Ugh. I'm feeling extremely dizzy. I'm getting a stomachache. I'm totally feeling sick right now, oh no, guess I gotta call in sick;

*Knocking*

Ortho: Brother?

Idia: Ack! … O-Ortho. Is there something?

Ortho: I'm going to the sports field for a bit. There's only one week left until the entrance ceremony, so I quickly have to get used to my new body!

Idia: O-Okay. Have a safe trip. Don't stay out too late.

Ortho: Okay~

Idia: He's so cheerful… Does the entrance ceremony make him that happy? If I were to tell him that I’ll skip out on the entrance ceremony because it’s too harsh for mr, he'll surely be disappointed… What should I do…

*Knocking*

Idia: O-oh!? O-Ortho, is that you!?

Riddle: Idia, it's me, Riddle Rosehearts from Heartslabyul.

Idia: R-R-Riddle?! W-Why are you at Ignihyde?

Riddle: Because the principal asked me. I will bring you to the dorm leader meeting for the ceremony, even if I have to collar you… understand? Good grief, the entrance ceremony is so close, yet you have not even shown your face once during the preparations. The only ones who have not come to the meeting are you and Malleus. Please hurry and come.

Idia: I…

Riddle: I?

Idia: I can't.

Riddle: … Huh? You can't? What do you mean? You are in good health, are you not?

Idia: N-No, Ortho isn't here now… talking face to face with you guys… and then the meeting… I definitely can't do it!

Riddle: Stop making excuses… you are a dorm leader. You should not be so lenient on yourself. It is not like I have free time either. Hurry and go, and open the door!

Idia: I, I-I don't want to! I-It's not like I wanted to become the dorm leader!

Riddle: You are being irresponsible. Once you put in charge, it is only natural that you perform your role, no matter the reason.

Idia: Argh… there it is, oh there it is, "It's only natural"~ There they impose their sense of values upon me again.

Riddle: You are always so irritating! Did I say something wrong?! You are an being inconvenient to everyone. You could have the decency to at least help prepare for the entrance ceremony…

Idia: Oof, there it is, the ultimate magic "Everyone"… Using peer pressure to erase the individual, being looked down upon by the common opinion so you can't see the truth. The youth of today that knows no autonomy, it's truly frightening, I sympathize with the future of Twisted Wonderland.

Riddle: Hn, Hngh…. You cannot even talk to someone's face… The only reason you can use these big words is because this door separates us! I always thought this, but a person like you who loves agitating others corrupts the public morals of this school. More than anything, you displease me. Now stop your fast-talking!

Idia: Huh, why are you the one blowing up in my face… scary… I don't understand what you're trying to accomplish…

Riddle: Hngh! I said it is because you displease me! An incompetent dorm leader like you should not command me around!

Idia: I have a reserved and restrained personality, unlike you attention seeker…

Riddle: … What did you just say?

Idia: Ack… A-Anyway, please leave me alone! I was doing fine like this even before you entered the school.

Riddle: I see, I see. So that's how it is. It must have been awfully easy, was it not? Then why don't you have Ortho Shroud do everything so you don't have to lift a finger!

Idia: Eh?

Riddle: You won't have to attend the meeting, you won't have to prepare for the ceremony, neither will you have to deal with the visitors, you can just leave everything to that robot. In any case, you had no intention of attending the entrance ceremony at all, right? Can it be that you were planning to leave the speech to him as well? How pathetic, being forced to work by the irresponsible dorm leader!

Idia: Huh? I never said I wasn't going to the entrance ceremony? Stop making assumptions? I'm going to this entrance ceremony!

Riddle: Perhaps you should stop bragging about common sense? It seems I have made a terrible fool of myself. Can I expect a moving speech from you?

Idia: Piece of cake.

Riddle: Hm. Then I shall grasp my handkerchief and look forward to it!

Idia: … … …Am I not the fool?! "I'm going to this entrance ceremony"…. I don't want to! I can't! Shitshitshitshit… what to do…

Chapter 2

Mirror Chamber The day of the entrance ceremony

Idia: I-I somehow made it to the mirrors… I can do this. I will do this. Using self-suggestion is important. … …Hn… A, Aah… I can't! It's too scary! If I enter everyone will stare at me anyway?! And then they'll start whispering about me! "Who's that?" "Does he not get burned by his hair?" "Isn't he from the cursed Shroud family…" "His anxiety might be contagious" and things like that… Or maybe they'll start poking me with a stick while saying that I'm gross for being blue all over…! I don't want that! Someone save me! …No this is useless. I should calm down at once. I want to go to a quiet place without people to cool my head… Ah, if Ortho was here, he could encourage me. Where did he go…

Courtyard

Idia: If only I didn’t fight with Riddle... And if I didn’t give Ortho false hope. What should I do now...

???: Is that Shroud I hear?

Idia: Hah?!

Malleus: So it is. How unusual.

Idia: M-Malleus…Why are you here?

Malleus: You mean since when? Hehe, I do not recollect seeing you since you became the dorm leader.

Idia: Malleus Draconia… The next ruler of the Valley of Thorns, the dorm leader of Diasomnia! Why is the Ultra SSR Character that is supposed to play the leading role in the ceremony here!?

Malleus: But to see you outside. What are you doing here?

Idia: Ah… I-I thought I would get some fresh air… just like you.

Malleus: I see, just like me. I understand, you needed a distraction.

Idia: A distraction?_

Malleus: Hm? You want a distraction, right? Looking at the scenery, feeling the atmosphere. Thinking about whatever. Relaxing.

Idia: Relaxing!? I-I can’t get even more anxious!

Malleus: Is that so? Then you should enjoy yourself more.

Idia: Enjoy myself!? …That's where I and you differ.

Malleus: Hm? What do you mean?

Idia: A, Ah, no… It's nothing. … But… But I made a promise with Ortho. I would wear these clothes and come today. That's why… Aah, but it's too scary…!

Malleus: By the way, why are you wearing those clothes?

Idia: Huh?

Malleus: Hm?

Idia: Uhm. Do you mean… they don't fit me? I, I-I, I… look strange after all.

Malleus: Hm. It's not like they don't fit you… but I have my questions. Actually, if you say it's strange, it might be strange.

Idia: Urgh…

Malleus: First of all, why did you promise to "go out" like this? It doesn't seem like a big deal.

Idia: I-It might not be a big deal for you, but for me…!

Malleus: Humans are sometimes awfully inconceivable. Oh well, that's interesting about them.

Idia: Inconceivable…

Malleus: No, I didn't mean to make fun of you. I'm very interested.

Idia: So… it's like this after all huh, I see what you're getting at! So you think I'm not capable of donning these beautiful clothes and appearing before a lot of people! Isn't that what you wanted to get at from the start?_ No matter how much I struggle, it's already confirmed that I'm on the dark route towards multiple bad endings, so it's useless. I-I, I-I-I, I'm…I'm…!

Malleus: Shroud? What happened?

Idia:… Ugh, it's nothing! It doesn’t matter!

Malleus: And there he went. What an awfully strange man. To think he wore his ceremony robes for a simple stroll. … But it has been very noisy since this morning. I wonder if something is happening…

Mirror Chamber

Idia (Tablet): Students of Ignihyde, please gather here…

Riddle: Heh. He did not come even after I gave him a good scolding… he is incompetent, after all. I worry for the students that have a dorm leader this unreliable. They have my most sincere sympathies.

Vil: Hah… he did it.

Ignihyde Dorm - Idia's room

Idia: It seems that the outdoors has nothing but events that torment me…  I should just confine myself and shut out all those useless earthly sounds! From the start, I differed from people like Malleus and other humans who have something I don't. How could I ever forget that. 

Idia: … Hm? But isn't this great? I noticed I couldn’t do it, before I went and made an enormous embarrassment of myself in front of the students… 

Idia: I see… I'm sure Ortho didn't want to expose everyone to his big brother's shameful sight. This is the best! Why, am I simply not the best! Didn’t I just auto-play myself into the best route~ 

Idia: Ortho is probably fully enjoying the entrance ceremony by himself right now. He was looking so much forward to it, after all. This is the best. … It really is.

[snowydaffodils]

Flustered

3501 words | 2nd Person POV

A Yoon Jeonghan fluff, prompt, how you met, how you (hinted) eventually dated, where you're an actress and he's the other lead actor. Enjoy your new years! 🎉

---

Yoon Jeonghan is very rarely flustered. If anything, he's usually the cause of all the flustering - twelve boys can back you up on that. He'd make fun of your height, poke your cheeks, comment cutesy compliments as you work together, flirt playfully, and make fun of how stupid your character sounds.

Indeed, you accepted this role fully aware of the awfully pure and slow-witted character the scriptwriter had written down. Throughout your years in acting, even if this was your very first lead role, you had never gone easy on the rest of the roles you had received. You live and understand them, think like them, and every single character you've performed have now become a part of you. But of course, the closest character to you now is this easily distracted girl who just blushes all the time.

So for the course of eight months, you've acted with all your might, and this is the you that Jeonghan knew. You weren't exactly innocent and slow-witted just like the character, but a bit of the character influenced your own personal traits. The fun to tease, cute, and adorably likable girl. Just like you, it was his first lead role in a drama, and the first one in Seventeen to land on one, too, even if he wasn't the first one to be in one. He had curiously accepted a side role before, right after his military release, and just as the group were exploring their own careers whilst waiting to reunite again as a whole. That side role, with the help of his previous acting lessons, drowned him into the world of acting once more, and he fell in love with the art of the screen more than he ever did before.

Your first impression on him during the first cast meeting was that he looked heavenly. It was like his cheekbones were sculpted to perfection and no one could tell you otherwise. You were incredibly starstruck and in awe that you stuttered in making your first introductions. It didn't help that he was smooth with his words, too, making you sound incredibly nervous as opposed to him.

"Hi, I'm Jeonghan from Seventeen, and I'll be taking the lead role in this drama. Please take care of me."

"Hi, I'm play, uh, playing the lead gull, I mean g-girl."

Had he smiled politely and continued the conversation like nothing had happened, maybe you wouldn't have been too embarrassed, but also maybe you wouldn't have let your guards down to know and befriend him personally. Instead, he had laughed at you with all the stomach power he had. He never lets you forget that you stuttered so badly as you introduced yourself for the first time the entire day. He even made his own reasons (you wouldn't admit them, but they couldn't have been more true) as to why you stuttered.

"Nervous? I'm super charming, aren't I?" his ego is surely out of bounds as he said that, a smirk donning his lips. "I know, I'm surprised at myself, too sometimes."

You hit him on the arm, your cheeks growing in color. "I'm a big fan of Seventeen, but I didn't realize that you're this cheeky."

He laughed, so genuinely and purely, and you smiled, already warmed up to him. He made friends with you quickly, and from all the behind the scenes footage, he was quick to melt his awkward-i-just-met-you exterior and interacted with you as he would with his members. Jeonghan was this tall, built, and handsome man, and he owned unreal facial features that made everyone wonder if he was indeed human just like everyone else. He was perfect for his role: the cold, sly, and dominating lead in the series. It was the complete opposite of your character, and with his friendliness, it was easy for you to quickly build up chemistry and work well with him, but as you two get closer, the more playful he became.

"You're the love of my life," he recited his lines, cheesy as it is, to which you became shy to and shrank as he got closer and closed his lips to yours.

He was quick to tease your blushes after the director's "Cut!" in each kissing scene, and would tease you easily at other romantic or heart fluttering scenes you had to do.

"Aww, that's cute, you're blushing again! I can hear your heart fluttering," he would say. "Then again, I am charming."

And in each time, you were always caught in his trap, stuck in the moment, and your heart follows his lead, ignoring all the other self-restraining signals your head was screaming about. He'd laugh right after he got a reaction out of you, and the grin he'd give you would linger in your head for the rest of the day.

There was another day when one of his members - Joshua - came to support as a cameo, and it felt like Jeonghan was on booster or something. He introduced you to Joshua, who was sweet, polite, and a perfect gentleman, but then Jeonghan continued to tease you the entire day Joshua was there. He made sure to remind Joshua how cute you were so many times throughout the day. At that point you were actually getting used to Jeonghan's antics, but him teasing you in front of a new person puts you on another level of flustered.

"Hey Josh, meet the love of my life," Jeonghan said, using his scripted lines.

Joshua, while he was nicer than Jeonghan, still played along sometimes. "Then I'll call you member-in-law!" He said.

Your birthday was on a filming day, and he managed to fool you to think that you had hurt his feelings by giving him comments on his acting as per usual (you were sure you weren't saying anything bad, but he kept directing it to be a negative one). He started showing acts of distaste and, at one point, even yelled at you and left the room.

It was heart-wrenching to watch him leave - you never wanted to hurt his feelings, you just wanted to help and support him and the drama entirely. Guilt washed over you quickly, and tears piled in your eyes. The crew was looking at you so judgmentally, and all you wanted to do was go home, lock the doors, and hide under your covers. You didn't know what to do, and some of the crew even went to you to convince you that he just needed to blow off steam and he'll be back and you can apologize when he gets back.

You wanted to scream and rip his hair off when he came back with a cake, singing Happy Birthday like nothing happened. Your tears flowed like a river though, because you genuinely thought that Yoon Jeonghan, this man, was actually angry at you to the point that he put it to display to everyone who was present and even yelled at you.

"Don't cry!" he laughed at you, taking the cream from the cake and swiping your cheeks with his finger. "You'll look ugly. We have to take a picture with this cake!"

You cursed at him for the first time since you've known him, but he only chuckled and patted your back to calm down your sniffles (you glared at his finger until he wiped the cream away first, though). He gave you a friendly hug and you hit him to prove the point that you were upset, and it was a loud slap in the back that everyone was surprised but laughed at. Apparently, a behind-the-scenes camera was on and recording the entire surprise; Jeonghan remembered this and went to the camera to tell on you. He complained really loudly, "Carats, she hit me!" he pointed at you playfully.

You were still sniffling, snots everywhere and you eyes still bawling with tears. "Y-you deserve it!" you screamed.

On the last day of filming, you had laughed everything off, remembering everything that happened during the course of filming and engraving every memory to your heart. It was surely an indescribable experience. The crew had been super nice, and they felt like a second family to you. The cast members became your best friends, including the one and only Yoon Jeonghan. You thanked Jeonghan, the rest of the cast, and the entire crew for all their hard work, hugged your co-stars tightly, and told Jeonghan to stay in contact with you even after it all ended because you'd miss him.

"Hey, but don't be a stranger," you told him. "I think I'm too used to having you around, its gonna be hard to live peacefully, now."

He smiled, pinched your cheeks and said, "Did you think I'm gonna stop just because the drama ended? You should've seen me annoy my members even from the military base."

You rolled your eyes at him, "I wouldn't dare to assume you'd do anything less."

And he kept to his word. Though there hadn't been any opportunities for both of you to meet each other again (variety shows and interview promotions were done during the course of filming), he still contacts you day-to-day, even if only to send a meme he found of you and laugh at you through text.

"You really DO look like you've got a frog in your mouth! Hahahaha!"

This went on through the rest of the year until the Award Shows started to busy every single celebrity available, finally announcing the invites, MCs, performances, and nominees to each award they have. Your drama with Jeonghan had hit it big as fans were so happy to watch both of you interact (also, maybe because Woozi sang the main OST, and Scoups' rap on the OST was fire), and you were invited to almost every single one of them as a nominee for multiple awards.

It was first assumed, then implied, but it was also because he was actually sweet enough to ask you personally, that you were officially his date to every one of the award shows your drama was nominated in. You agreed, not because he was your co-star, but because he was a genuinely nice and fun person to spend time with. You were also very excited, not just because you were nominated, but also because this time you were going to finally present your original and true self to Yoon Jeonghan and the world. The other characters within you screamed in delight as you excitement rose, and you had planned everything out, determined to show that you are not just a simple easily teased girl that Yoon Jeonghan bullies on.

On the very first show you wore a white gown - the top part was gold glitter with a heart neckline, and it corseted your figure, highlighting all the important curves in your body. Down your dress, the fabric flowed in an A-line skirt, transparency growing in a gradient as it reached the bottom, your strapped golden heels visible within your skirt. You put your half your hair into a braid and curled the rest. With curtain-like gold earrings and white diamonds shining out of the strands, Jeonghan was stunned when he saw you for the first time. Your make up was different from what he was used to, and a mature-like pureness aura radiates from you. He didn't know what to say, muted to say the least. He had never seen you like that, and once both of you reached the red carpet, his hand on your back as a gentlemanly support to guide you through the reporters, he noticed how straight you walked, and how you carried yourself so gracefully. The reporters were asking questions, but he left the answering to you as he continued to stay stunned through the red carpet. It was only when you both had finally taken your seats when he finally relaxed and converse normally again.

The minimum movements you emitted, just enough to be polite and to please your audience were not missed by the man, and he observed the details of your interactions to the utmost adoration. Your gracefulness had struck a chord in his heart and he was awed to say the least.

He ended the night with a shy smile and an "Oh, and by the way, you were absolutely beautiful tonight." The sincerity of his tone didn't go unnoticed and you didn't forget to thank him before going separate ways. It was oddly out of character of him to do, but you liked the new side of him you have yet to explore.

The next show, you opted for a bright red designer's gown. This one, fitting to its price tag, created this absolutely stunning silhouette, and while it did not sparkle or glitter, its muted red still create a distinction of you and made you shine. The designed folds in your dress accented your figure even more, and with a looser fabric, the skirt of your dress was made longer so it could trail behind you as you walk. Your hair was gathered up into one straight ponytail, a pretty simple hairdo to gather attention to your striking gown for the night.

Jeonghan didn't recognize you when he first was led to your changing room. You didn't just look like a different person, you feel like one, too. He didn't even realize that he held his breath as he looked at you. The stylist were so proud of their efforts and Jeonghan's reaction had them giggling and teasing him. "She's incredibly beautiful, isn't she?"

He barely managed a "yes" before you could chuckle and said to him, "Well look who's being shy, now."

At this, he returned a laughter of his own. He didn't bother hiding his surprised expression. "You got me. You look incredible."

Your outfit and style of the day, added with your elegance and poise as you conducted yourself in front of the reporters and other celebrities had Jeonghan staring at you for a while, and quite numerous whiles. He absolutely adored you. There was a surging feeling of wholesome pride as he stood beside you, his hand on your back as he escorted you through the venue. Even as he teased you as he answered the reporters' questions, you had retained your poise as you held it within yourself not to be flustered easily by this man. You had a year worth of practice for that.

"Isn't she beautiful? I'm such a fan of hers," Jeonghan whispered to the reporters, his playful grins and chuckles evident as he interacted happily. "She doesn't look like her character now, does she?"

You chuckled along with him, but dragged him to stop him from acting like a fan on the red carpet. He laughed and after a few tries of refusing your urges to move on, eventually let it go and allowed you to pull him forwards. As you moved on, he placed his hand on your back just like how he usually does, as a sign that he was right there walking with you.

The third time though, Jeonghan was speechless. He barely spoke through the course of the night, and his eyes never left you.

You wore a black designer's gown this time, with sequinned patterned Qs coming from your neck down to your knees before the skirt spreads out to hide your silver heels. It was a mermaid gown and it hugged your figure nicely. The skirt was actually more flowy that you thought, but it added a nice touch. You wore silver earrings and diamond hair pieces as you put your hair up in the most elegant updo Jeonghan had ever seen. He was already stunned when he saw you for the first time, but he almost choked when you turned around only for him to realize that your gown was completely backless.

Now, where is he supposed to place his hand again?

His face was flushed and when you turned to finally go out the door, you see his face filled with more red than you've ever seen. While his face was kind of salvaged by the foundation he used, the makeup couldn't help his neck from turning red as well.

"Yoon Jeonghan, are you sick?" you asked aloud, gaining the attention of all staff members present, all their eyes pointed at the man in question. "Or are you actually blushing?"

Your second question snapped him out of his haze (and had many of the stylists and make up artists giggling) as he looked at you for a few seconds, and you were starting to actually worry, before he eventually puts his hand on his forehead, covering his face.

"God, you'll be the death of me. Let's go before I embarrass myself any further."

He was indeed blushing, and his statement confirmed that for you. You laughed, but you can't help but feel you cheeks tinting a little pink from his confession. He linked your arm with his and went out together.

The first few minutes into the red carpet, Jeonghan did his best not to have direct contact with your back. He was blushing the entire time, had to ask the interviewers to repeat themselves a couple of times, and his hand was going to unsure places like your shoulder or your waist, which he was also not confident about, and eventually just lingers a few inches away from your back, like in mid-air. The so-called manner hands.

It wasn't as reassuring as having his hand on your back like the previous times you both had gone through this. His focus was also off as he tried to avoid the contact, and just moved his hand when you moved as well. You sighed and just pulled his hand to slightly slap your back, and you pointed a look at Jeonghan's direction, telling him to stop fidgeting through your eyes.

He blushed.

"Jeonghan, are you not feeling well?" one of the reporters asked.

He seemed to click then and there. His honest self couldn't help himself as he answered, "Oh yeah, she just looks gorgeous tonight, I can't take my eyes off of her."

When he finally comprehended his own words, he fumbled and stuttered. "I-I mean," he tried to reason, but the stars in the reporters' eyes were showing that they heard everything he said, and some of them squealed in delight.

"Why, thank you," you turned to face him, your smile directed for him.

He was stunned - again.

"Oh, let's just go," he said shyly, one of his hands reaching to his neck to feel just how warm he had gotten.

That night, both of you had received a daesang award, but Jeonghan kind of added a few more elements to his acceptance speech.

"Hi, this is Seventeen's Jeonghan. This acting experience was truly incredible and there's so many people who should know that they are the reason for this award. I want to thank Carats, who have always been there for me through thick and thin, and my members who have been watching and supporting me, especially to Joshua who became a cameo, my parents and my family members who had been with me from the very start, the staff members, Pledis, directors, pd-nim, and all the crew members. This is not possible without any of you. And special thanks to," Jeonghan moved his eyes on you, and he didn't know why then and there, your name disappeared from his head and instead replaced with that one line that had caught all the viewers' heart as they watched the drama.

"The love of my life - " he stopped when he realized what he just said, and realized he had kind of just confessed on national TV. "I mean, M-my co-star."

You stood there surprised at how flustered Yoon Jeonghan could be, and stunned that you were the main reason that he was fumbling on the stage and his ears redder than ever. He caught himself before he did anything else and finished his speech nicely.

"Anyways, uh, thank you for this award, I'll work even harder to be a better actor and come back with more for you all. Thankyou!"

It was your turn after him to deliver your speech, and suddenly the trophy on your hands became heavier than it actually was. Jeonghan turned his back to walk back to the spot beside you as you move forward, and you can see a small smile tugging the corners of his lips. When you were brushing against each other before you took the mic, he whispered, just loud for you to hear, and short enough to go unnoticed.

"Yes, that was my confession to you. Will you go out with me?"

All eyes were on you and all lights were on you when you felt like you bit your tongue and couldn't speak.

The MCs were waiting for your speech, and nudged you to start when you seem lost.

"Ah, yes, I mean, no, I mean yes!"

Yoon Jeonghan really knows how to fluster you, even in his most flustering moments.

---

[seraphanangelica]

I Hope You Suffer

Bakugo x Fem! Reader Angst

Feat. Midoriya

I wrote this a LONG time ago, and I’m posting it on here for nostalgic reasons. It’s also on my Wattpad 😂

Warnings: Violence, language, Bakugo being a prick

I stared hatefully at the two pieces of paper that laid all alone on my otherwise empty mahogany desk. Two letters, to be precise, were from him, the one person who I absolutely hated right now. Right when we were getting serious he just had to make me look like a fool. He just had to try to weaken me.

With an enraged scream, I shot a beam of fire at the papers that tore my heart in a million pieces, making them turn to ash instantly, same for the desk. For a second, I stared at the pile of ash with a blank expression on my face, a split second of emotionless behavior.

"SHIT!!!!" I screamed, sinking to the black stained carpet that was supposed to be white. I had burned so much stuff in this room that I gave up on trying to clean the floors. I buried my face in the palms of my hands, pulling my H/L H/C hair out of frustration.

How could he do this to me? What have I done to him to deserve this? They all warned me. They said it would end like this--ugly and uncaring.

"WHY?!" I slammed my fists on the floor, leaving marks of ash in the exact shape of my fists. My breath became ragged, the source of my air leaving. It was like the world was mocking me, disgracing my actions. But it wasn't me they needed to mock. It was him.

The next day at school, I didn't talk to anyone as I walked onto campus. I just wanted to get class over with. Right now, everyone was annoying, laughing and joking, smiling at their wonderful day. Whatever, it's not like they knew what happened. I can't just expect them to automatically know and come talk to me.

I walked slower than my usual speedy pace, not caring if I was late at all. Today, Aizawa could kiss my ass, as well as all the heroes here. knowing the person I dreaded to see would start something up, chances were high that I would break a myriad of school rules just to see him fall.

"Y/N!! Wait up!" Izuku shouted, running up to me and putting a hand on my shoulder to get my attention. "You didn't return my calls last night. I was worried that something was wrong." He said with concern, but with the ever-present smile on his face.

I smiled my best fake smile and nodded once, waving my hand in a dismissive gesture as we walked, still very slowly, towards 1-A. "Yeah, sorry about that, Izuku," I looked behind my shoulder, scanning the students until I saw a very familiar head of spiky blonde hair. "I was a little preoccupied last night." I scowled, venom on my tongue.

Izuku stopped smiling. After a second, he stopped walking. "I know you, Y/N, more than you think. That smile isn't real." He put his hands in his pockets and looked up at me worriedly. I just shrugged and continued walking, not waiting for Izuku, knowing he'd catch up to ask more questions.

Looking behind to where I was previously, his frown turned to slight anger. "Did something happen with you and Kacchan?" He glanced me look of pity, making me scoff.

"And if something did? Please don't pity me, I don't need it or want it. And don't do anything rash." I added the last part just as Izuku clenched his fists in attempt to not say anything. When he didn't respond, I knew he was most likely thinking of what he'd do if Katsuki hurt me again.

It was silent as we entered the classroom, sadly separating to go to our seats. I took my seat next to Todoroki, who as I was worried about, because he notices everything. Won't be long until he notices I'm not talking to Katsuki like I always do.

Sighing inwardly, I folded my arms on the desk and used them as a pillow as I hid my face, praying when Katsuki entered the room he wouldn't say anything. Did I just think Katsuki and not saying anything in the same sentence?

I could practically sense Todoroki looking at me curiously due to my odd behavior, but it's not like I cared. To be honest, who really does? I heard Todoroki sigh quietly, probably giving up trying to figure out what my problem was. I just wanted silence. Like everything I did, it was a wasted endeavor.

"DEKU YOU BASTARD!!"

My head snapped up and I saw Katsuki yelling at Izuku as always. Wonder what Izuku didn't do this time. I didn't pay much mind to it nowadays since Izuku got his quirk, explaining it was late manifestation. But considering the circumstances from last night, things have changed.

Before Izuku could even open his mouth to respond, I stepped in, laughing my ass off. Of course the laugh was fake, but it was more convincing than my smile.

"THE FUCK YOU LAUGHING AT, L/N?" Katsuki shouted, his attention turned away from my best friend. I put my finger up for him to give a second as I was seriously struggling to get air, standing up so I could breathe easier. Katsuki looked shocked that someone told him to wait so they could respond - they would just cower.

"You just...need to.... One second." There were a few laughs from the other students as I continued taking deep breaths, once again putting my finger up, telling him to wait even longer. I quickly regained my posture and spoke with a smirk, "You just need to change what you say more often. 'Deku you bastard' is way too overused."

Katsuki returned my smirk, his darker and more cruel. "You know what else is overused? You calling me by my first name. It's Bakugo to you now." Silence consumed the classroom, a couple people gasped. By this time, the whole of 1-A knew we had broken up.

I clenched my fists and walked up to Bakugo so we were but a foot apart. "WHAT DID I DO, HUH?! YOU JUST DROP ME LIKE I'M NOTHING? THROW ME AWAY LIKE A FUCKING PIECE OF TRASH?!"

He rolled his eyes and scowled, something deadly that I might not survive. Well, there's nothing to live for now. "You're just an obstacle in my way, an extra. You are nothing," He pushed me lightly, making me stumble back. "You are just a piece of trash, something, as you said is so easily thrown away." By now he had me against the wall, his arm pinning me to it.

I tried to look calm and menacing, but my eyes gave me away, I already knew it. So, as I hated him, I tried to hit him where it hurts. More specifically, his pride. "An extra? Oh, please. You do know you're the only one here who doesn't think of yourself as one too? There are people more talented and powerful here than you, and they don't think of me as an extra."

"SHUT UP! I'M NOT AN EXTRA! THE ONLY REASON THEY DON'T CONSIDER YOU AS AN ONE IS BECAUSE THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU EXIST AND THEY COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT A PATHETIC THING LIKE YOU!"  Bakugo grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled off the wall just to slam me back against it, the impact making me shudder.

What happened next was like slow motion to me. My E/C eyes saw Iida shouting at Bakugo to sit down, just as Bakugo raised his fist that was surround by explosions at me. With shouts of rage, Izuku and Todoroki grabbed him and tried pulling him away from me. It deemed useless when Bakugo broke free of their hold, and turning back to me. Just as I was about to be exploded into bits, a familiar white/grey scarf captured Bakugo, and drug him away from the area.

I was frozen in place, my shock taking hold of my mind. I was numb to the world and frankly, I liked it. Two things he had said to me hung in my mind like poison. He had called me a thing. Is that really how he sees me? That, though, was nothing compared to what he screamed as he was dragged back to his seat by Aizawa. 'I hate you, Y/N L/N'.

Not caring who was watching, I sunk to my knees and finally cried, letting my tears fall in ugly and loud sobs, completely missing the quick flash of regret in Bakugo's face. He reminded himself that he needed to do what he did so he could become the best. Before  I could see the true feelings of Katsuki Bakugo, he went back to the profile of a heartless, broken beast.

"I-I just can't believe Kacchan would do that to you."  Izuku stuttered as we walked out of UA and headed to the nearest diner. I hadn't eaten lunch since Bakugo would be there, so Izuku insisted that he'd take me to get something to eat. Truly, I didn't mind as long as he pays; free food is free food.

"It's alright, really. He had a problem, and he got rid of it. Simple enough." I put my hands in my jacket pockets and slouched, a complete giveaway towards my emotions. I can't keep anything away from those who know everything about me.

Izuku surprisingly didn't even look at me as I said what I thought. Honestly, I've been telling myself I was just a problem and something in the way ever since I started attending UA. As much as Izuku and everyone else tries to tell me, I deny every time they do, I don't believe it when they say I'm worth it. Bakugo just confirmed my thoughts.

"You just called yourself a problem," Izuku shook his head. "But you're not. Why do you put yourself down like this?" By now, my green haired friend was fully convinced I was at some level depressed from the situation.

I shrugged as we approached the restaurant, reaching the door first and holding it open for Izuku. "It's the truth, I am well aware it hurts." I said simply, sitting at a random table by the window so I could at least breath a bit. Bored very quickly, I picked up the menu and scanned my eyes over the list of food.

Izuku sat across from me and frowned at the table, a truly sad and broken expression present on his face. I wanted to question what it was for, but decided against it quickly when he looked up, our eyes meeting, green to E/C. He sighed and shook his head again as if he were wanting to tell me something and was restraining himself before he could.

The waitress arrived then, and we ordered our drinks and food, avoiding eye contact with everything and everyone. She nodded and then left, scribbling the last things on her notepad. When she was out of sight, we continued the conversation.

"What happened yesterday? You and Kacchan seemed fine at school, and now you can't even speak his name." He said after a long couple seconds' silence. I stayed silent, looking at the dark brown table with sudden interest in the illusion of texture. "Tell me, Y/N." He pressed. One day, his caring too much will have big consequences for him- good and bad.

"Nothing really important. I was just walking home yesterday from what seemed like a good day with Katsuki- I mean Bakugo. Then a few hours later, my mother came in and handed me two envelopes written out to me." I paused, not sure I wanted to go on, but Izuku's interest made me continue. Blame him for all my good doings. "I Was excited, as anyone would be if they see something addressed to them on paper rather than text. Both letters were from Katsuki, the first one saying how much he loved me and that it was genuine, only for the second one to say that that's the exact reason he had to let me go. I was in the way of him becoming the best hero the world could get. I threw them on my desk and disintegrated the papers and my desk."

Izuku  portrayed something so despondent, it was hard to believe that it was him. "That's something you can expect from Kacchan... but that doesn't mean he has a right to do that to you."

The waitress came with out food and we thanked her, carrying on the moment she left. I hope she didn't think we were being secretive and I hate more than anything someone being suspicious of me. Then again, it wasn't her job to ask questions-it was her job to bring the food.

"Besides," He started, taking a bite of chicken. "He could be regretting it this very moment." His smile was so convincing, but I didn't believe it for a second.

"What was it you just said? The betrayal sounds like Bakugo, but regret doesn't even come close to him. You have more luck breaking the fourth wall then getting a smidgen of regret from Katsuki." I scoffed, picking at my food with sudden slight disgust. Izuku is going to pay for it, so might as well try to eat something.

Izuku nodded in understanding, then shook his head. "Kacchan has regrets. I've seen him regret many things before, and I'm sure he regrets this." The way he tried to lighten the mood, the amount of effort not to be angry at Bakugo, the self restraint he put upon himself was phenomenal. I would've expected at least one tear to fall by now, or at least some form of his anger to reveal itself. I knew Izuku was mad at Bakugo, but it wasn't his problem. What his problem was was making every single one his. It'll get him killed one day, I guarantee it.

I sighed and glanced out the window, eyeing the vibrant green grass field that was known as the park just a street across. When I was younger, that meadow of sorts used to be my haven, my way to contemplate life's complications, to release my anger if need be. But I couldn't do that anymore. When I did, the meadow was sealed off, giving me the advantage to incinerate anything and everything I wanted to. I'm pretty sure there was still the remains of an oak tree from a few years ago just sitting there, waiting to disappear like an apparition. Sooner or later, the stress from the life of UA would lead back there once again.

"Possibly," I said softly, breaking out of my thoughts. "But we will see. I won't wait around for him to beg for forgiveness. If he can move on so damn quickly, so can I, and I will not let him get under my skin just to rip me apart. Again. I hope he suffers."

Izuku went pale, a glimpse of fear in his eyes. I, being one of the most powerful in class 1-A, have been proven to be very intimidating when angry, so no one really tries to get me even the slightest annoyed. All but Bakugo of course.

"Y-you don't actually mean that, d-do you?" He stuttered, his already big eyes wide with worry for who he thinks is his friend. One day, he'll realize Katsuki Bakugo had stopped being his friend years ago.

I just smiled, still looking out the window marveling at the beauty of what was about to be a pile of ash. I always smile when I'm angry, it's a huge giveaway if anyone's ever saw one.

"Oh, I mean it. He thinks he can just throw me away? I'll just keep coming back, and back, and back until he gets a solid message. He will suffer." With a wicked smirk, I waited for the right time I could tell Bakugo I was going to be his demise.

Tonight, all that we cherished together will go go down to ash.

Yeah... welp, there’s always room for improvement!

[curiosity-killed]

Hi....If you don't mind me asking, who are your favorite MXTX characters (top 5 from each novel)? And why? I'm sorry if you've answered this question before.

Aw of course I don’t mind! Though I feel like my answer is going to be a disaster bc I love these casts so so much aha let’s see:

✨ SPOILERS AHEAD ✨

MDZS/CQL

1. Wei Wuxian

Ah so I feel like this is obvious based on the sheer quantity of things I produce and the effort I put into hurting him 😅 but yeah! I love how much of a classical tragic hero he is and I love how much love he has and how that gets twisted around and shaped into a collar of spikes around his own neck. I saw gif sets of wwx before I ever knew about CQL and my reaction was “fuck. I’m going to love him” and I do! And I love that he does learn from his past and I love most of all that he learns to accept the love he is given and is able to make a happy ending in a place of being loved and held in respect and appreciation

2. Wen Qing

On the other hand, I did not expect to be like “mine now” with Wen Qing. Don’t get me wrong, the sexy immortal look got me but it wasn’t really till I started writing fic that I was like ohhhhh Oh Boy. Wen Qing is brilliant and ruthless, fiercely loving and aloof and cold. I love that she gets the lose-lose challenge of balancing what is right for her family vs what is right in the world, what she owes to her sect and what she owes to individuals. The golden core transfer is my favorite dubious science experiment in p much all media I’ve consumed. She gets to be so human—prickly and tough and also achingly gentle and afraid and putting on a tough face and sometimes still crying. “I’m sorry and thank you” ! Im!!

3. Jiang Yanli

The first fic I wrote for this fandom was literally “Jiang Yanli died no she didn’t” lmao I do feel like I underserve Jiang Yanli in that I often fall prey to using her to further the complexity that the male characters are permitted while denying her the chance to be given the same space for development and breath — something to work on! But in that, I really genuinely love how tightly she binds herself to her family and how she tries so hard to be what others need her to be—and then she does make a choice for herself and for a single moment at least, she gets to be loved and to be happy and to have this, a husband and a son and a place, for herself. And terribly I love how much she permeates the story still after death. She is the unspoken voice, the face turned from the camera but always still present, carried in the hearts and names and memories of the ones left behind

She deserved better but—I am weak for the tragedy of it all

4. Jiang Cheng

Another surprise (tho hardly surprising in hindsight): Jiang Cheng is just...horribly understandable. He makes terrible choices and his greatest heroism is undone by a choice made for him or, in the case of “killing the Yiling Laozu” is a lie. He is such a youngest sibling who doesn’t want to be the youngest until all at once, he’s the one in charge and he doesn’t want it at all. He is full of anger and hurt and so much love he doesn’t know what to do with it, doesn’t want it anymore, has no place to put all of its terrible, overwhelming flood.

5. Lan Wangji

I almost didn’t put Lan Wangji or Jiang Cheng on here and then I realized that this is sort of a list of characters I’m pickiest about in fic and...yeah. I think what I love best about Lan Wangji is his journey of grief and healing and through that, his decision to step into world. Where Wei Wuxian’s decision to travel and be removed from the cultivation world (in varying degrees depending on your headcanon preference lol) is really, really important to me, Lan Wangji’s decision to go from being an isolated lone agent working apart from the systems of the world to being involved and invested in changing those systems and working to make them better is also really important to me. I’ve talked before about how relatable Lan Wangji is to me (esp with regards to our interaction with the outer world) and there is something deeply hopeful and comforting about post-timeskip Lan Wangji being in his like mid-/late-30s and still making decisions and growing and changing and choosing to invest himself in the world and the future

yeah. i have thoughts here that I don’t really have the maturity, life experience, or articulation to put into words but Lan Zhan Good basically

TGCF

1. Xie Lian

suuuurpriiiiise!! Yeah honestly mxtx’s mains in TGCF and MDZS really just hit all my buttons basically. What appeals to me most of all about Xie Lian is, fittingly, how he is humanity taken to extremes. His capacity for incredible kindness and compassion is equaled with his capacity for cruelness and ruthlessness. His heaven-shaking highs are matched with calamitous lows. He is the hyperbolic of what it is to be human—and he is also the small moments, the wildflowers and the maple leaves and the mundane chores and the comfort of whispered conversations late into the night. I could quite literally go on for pages about what I love about Xie Lian but I am not Hua Cheng and can restrain myself LMAO

2. Hua Cheng

of all the characters on these lists, Hua Cheng is the one I’m pickiest about tbh! When I say I love him for similar reasons as Xie Lian I don’t actually mean this as being similarities between the two but the fact that both of them so richly convey mxtx’s points about the nature of humanity and what it is to be human. Hua Cheng is both the boldest and most arrogant of all and also the most vulnerable, the one who shies away from the truth because he’s braced for it to hurt and isn’t sure he can take it. He is gory blood rain and an umbrella to shelter a fragile bloom; he is a blade whose wounds only heal if he permits it and he is a sacrifice that he brushes aside as a fit of madness. *pats his head* this boy can fit SO MUCH inside him that he refuses to acknowledge

3. Jun Wu

Definitely my favorite antagonist in recent reading. I was doubtful of him from the start (something something issues with authority something something probably should talk to my theoretical future therapist shhh) but the unfolding of his reveal was so delightfully painful and exquisite that I was like “YES!!!” reading all of it. About the epitome of a satisfying plot twist imo. But about the character himself, I love how he parallels so many — Xie Lian in his rise and fall, his glory and disgrace; Hua Cheng in his fixation and ruthlessness; He Xuan in losing himself to the plot and not knowing how to move forward. I love that he feels beyond human in a way the others don’t—he’s so old and has gone through so much and he doesn’t feel things the way humans do anymore, doesn’t remember right how love squeezes the heart or how hate can exist without acting on it. I love that he thinks he knows how to control everyone and that it’s such mundane things that fool him: Xie Lian’s absurd stubbornness, Hua Cheng’s foolish faith, Yin Yu’s...emotional maturity??? Not Sure how to verbalize that one. But in the end, he is defeated by both the humanity of others and by his own—he’s so tired. He’s exhausted in a way that gods and ghosts aren’t meant to be. He is, under the armor and the masks, the curses and the power, human—benevolent and cruel, evil and good.

4. He Xuan

I love my fish man! No but really I love how He Xuan is so fixed on his one goal that he refuses to acknowledge anything else in his (after)life—which doesn’t make it go away. I love that he is left unmoored, purposeless through the very act of completing that which gives him purpose. I love his long con and the ways he clings to himself but loses himself not in the act but in the telling himself it’s an act. I love that he tries to be a moral man and then becomes a ghost king, a calamity. His reveal is also terribly badass and I do love his bone fish wholly unironically. Like I’m not going to get a He Xuan tattoo (for one thing I’ve been meaning to get a tattoo for 5 years and still haven’t gotten around to it) but also. B o n e f i s h

5. Mu Qing

Of course! The Jiang Cheng of tgcf lol Mu Qing (which my phone desperately wants to autocorrect to my Qing) is so...gah he’s such a mess! And he so fully commits to the belief that no one will ever see and understand him as he is but will always view them through their own convictions about him and his actions — which is simultaneously heartbreakingly lonely and also. Sir You Are a Clown. I genuinely think he’s owed apologies from both Feng Xin and Xie Lian for their treatment and assumptions of him and think that he would be HORRIBLY offended at the thought (while secretly touched? But like secretly even to himself). He will never explain himself and will just clam up tighter the more people accuse him and it’s such a self-sabotaging behavior and also so horribly relatable. I love u sir, you’re a disaster

SVSS I have not read but I do really like the moshang art 😂

[asktheheirofslytherin]

She chuckled a bit for the obvious question before starting to get serious at him.

"Sir, before I tell you about myself. Promise me that you will and must tell no one, not a single soul or corpse about our conversation for what you might hear will be a bit baffling and not likely to believed at first." She said as she leaned forward to him a bit.

He nodded, slowly getting intrigued. Then she relaxed and sat down one of the chairs.

"Let's start then. First, you already have figured out that I am not like the others or am I even normal. My eyes are one of the few examples and evidence that I am indeed not a regular soul though I try to be." She told him then she started to take off her blindfold for him to see the colors clearly.

"When my eyes have transitioned into full black eyes, it means that I am using my demonic powers. Yes, I have some powers from hell but not all of them." She told him as she changed her eyes to black ones. It made her very terrifying.

"Then there's my snake eyes which are mostly used when I think someone is following me hence our situation now, sir and how I know that you were following me since the library. I can only see thermal signatures and apparently, it's supposed to help me with the language of the snakes to which I know you know what it is." She told him as she changed her eyes to snake ones, smirking at herself before it disappeared.

"Then there's the gold irises ones, well, we all know about magic and The Goddess of Magic, right? Well. She gave me," (in her mind: more like forced me) ", these eyes for me to be in touch more with nature and my magic becoming more powerful than it should. And let me tell you professor, I don't particularly use this that much, since it is too overpowered and personally, I like to struggle once in a while." She told him after she she changed it again with normal eyes with gold irises.

She then changed her eyes to these beautiful gray eyes before she explained it. "Then there's the gray eyes, I only use them for seeing a person's aura and such. This helps me know which person to trust and to be allies with which is very useful. They also help me see secrets in a person but not the specifics. They would just help me see how many secrets they have and what kind, just not the whole picture, but most the secrets that I've seen from Hogwarts are either sexual fantasies or others which is a bit annoying."

"Now, my blue eyes," she said as she changed her eyes to blue irises glowing a bit, "are the exact opposite from the black ones. For me to be using these blue eyes are only for emergencies, like we're all going to die emergency or someone is about to get killed by me emergency. Blue eyes indicates an Angel's Grace or the magic core of an Angel. And lucky me," she said with scoff "had to inherit one of the eyes of seraphim. The first of the first triad on the hierarchy of angels." She then turned her eyes back to normal before wrapping the blindfold back.

"Then there is the red eyes." She deeply sighed like she doesn't want him to know.

"The red eyes are the most dangerous one of them all. I mostly don't have control over my body if I use them, my body changes into something more. If you ever saw me with red eyes before the transformation, run as fast as you can and get help. Try to restrain me until I calm down. The red eyes are the most sinister of them all and I hate them. I don't know why He gave it to me and expect me to be okay with when I am already have been weighed with enough burdens for me to carry. With red eyes, well, I only see pure red blocking my vision if I can be awake though most of the time, I am unconscious during that and by the time I am done using it, I'll be very exhausted, vulnerable, and making my immune system very weak, that even like the normal flu can even kill me. So take me to the Hospital ward immediately. This is also the reason why I'm not showing you for the sake of this school and for your safety, sir." She told him with a small frown on her face.

"There are also some other colors that I don't know off or haven't even explored it yet since I'm still finding myself out." She told him.

"I'm not going to be surprised if you wouldn't believe in any of this. To which I would as well if I was in your position but you know that I'm telling the truth. Anything else you would like to ask because I can do this all night." She added as she relaxed herself.

"I will answer all of your questions about me then after you have no more, I will ask you next." She told him.

Tom nodded. “Certainly. This will remain between us.” He listened carefully as she spoke, saving any questions for the end. He almost interrupted to ask how she knew about his ability to speak parseltongue, but kept quiet. He smirked when he thought of all the teenage fantasies and secrets she must have heard here at hogwarts. 

“You saw my aura,” he said, not truly a question, merely a statement of fact. He thought of her comment about parseltongue. “So what - you know...everything about me?” Tom raised an eyebrow. “And you chose to tell me anyhow?” Did she truly know everything? The killings, the dark magic, the horcruxes, his ambitions...everything? He let out an almost nervous sounding laugh. “It must have been quite different, reading me as opposed to, say, the gryffindor fifth year class.” 

He sighed. “Well, Thirteen, I - Thirteen” he paused a moment, distracted by her name. “Does your name indicate a hereditary curse? I was thinking you were the thirteenth generation affected by this...magic. The mark of Cain - all the literature indicates that that is hereditary...So where are your parents now? Does the curse (do you consider it a curse?) ultimately kill you?”

[adultingautistic]

sept 13 (tw for harmful stims) I just got through my first meltdown (an awful one) after my diagnosis, so it was the first time I actually knew I was having a meltdown, and I couldn't calm down at all, nothing would work. How can I be more prepared for next time? Like, how do I know I'm about to have a meltdown or a shutdown, and how do I calm myself down from either of those? I also noticed I did some bad stims, like hitting my head and biting myself, and I don't know what to do about that

First, I’m so glad you got diagnosed!  It’s so wonderful to know the reason behind your behaviors.  Simply knowing what a meltdown is, and that’s what’s happening, is a huge step towards learning how to make them less awful.

The best, best way to prevent meltdowns is to become aware of your reactions to your environment.  To become aware of your sensory inputs, to notice when they are affecting you, and to believe yourself that they are.  As autistics we are told so often by almost everyone we meet that “it’s not really that bad” and “it’s nothing, just suck it up”, but this is the exact behavior that can lead straight to a meltdown.

It is that bad.  The horrible clothes your wearing are that awful, the food really does taste that disgusting, that beeping noise really is unbearable.  Once you start to listen to yourself, and believe yourself, you can begin to take steps to take care of yourself.  You can take off the horrible clothes and never wear them again.  You can stop eating horrible food that will send you into overload territory.  You can permit yourself to cover your ears or wear headphones.

Keep in mind that sensory input is only one of two things that can cause overload- the other is emotional overload.  Yes, it really is that horrible when your routine is changed.  Believe yourself, and trust your own feelings.  Once you start to do this, you can start to take care of yourself.  

An example from my own life is that for me, last-minute changes to plans are Absolutely Horrible.  My brain can’t process them.  When I wake up for the day, my mind knows what I’m doing that day and I make my routines accordingly.  I need a certain amount of time to shower, eat, get dressed, etc, and I can’t change those routines or make them faster.  I also need to eat at certain times and because of samefoods, those foods take a certain amount of time to cook, and I can’t switch to something that’s faster to eat.  Because of all of this, I can’t suddenly go somewhere last-minute.  If I had plans to be somewhere at 2pm, that means I had to eat at 1pm to make sure I don’t get hungry during the outing (because of samefoods, I can’t eat at other places).  If I already at at 1, and then someone wants to change the plans from 2 to 4, now I will be hungry when I go, and this is HORRIBLY stressful for me.

So instead, what I have done as an adult, is tell people “I do not do last- minute plans.  Period.”  And I don’t.

If my mother or a friend calls me wanting to see me later that day I tell them “No, I do not do last minute plans.”  I dont’ care how upset they might get, because I will be far more stressed if I do it their way, than they will ever be waiting a day to see me.  So I avoid a situation that could send me into a meltdown, by doing self-care and protecting myself from last-minute changes to plans.  

I also have an accomodation at work that says that I must have at least one day’s notice for meetings.  If a meeting is scheduled for later that same day, I am excused from attending. This is how I protect myself from the emotional overload that could lead to a meltdown.

Now you may not have the same struggles with changes to routine the way I do.  So you need to look at yourself, and what things contribute to your overload.  This takes time to learn, and practice!  And that’s okay.  The more you pay attention to yourself and how you feel, the better you will become at recognizing the things that contribute to your overload. It took me years to realize that last-minute changes were so detrimental to me.  Be patient, it does take time to learn yourself.  But you can do it.

You will also get more practiced at noticing how you feel, and realizing when you’re getting close to a meltdown.  At this point, you must put your own needs first, as this is an emergency.  So yes, leave the party.  Leave the table.  Go for a walk outside.  Use the bathroom.  Do whatever you have to to remove yourself from the sensory and emotional inputs so that you can avoid a meltdown.

Once you are in one, it is like you said- you don’t have a lot of control over calming yourself down.  Once you’ve reached a meltdown, you have to get out of the situation that caused it, as quickly as possible, and you need to stay there as long as it takes for you to recover, which can be hours.

I know that for myself, if I have a meltdown, I’m shot for the day.  I can’t do anything productive or useful and I also don’t try to make myself.  I just stare at the TV until it’s time for bed.  Sleeping is the only way that I, personally, am able to truly recover from a meltdown. Once you are in meltdown you basically have to treat yourself as gently as you would if you had a high fever, and do whatever it takes to make yourself even slightly more comfortable.  At this point, you’re like a sick person, all other activities are cancelled and you need to just rest, rest, rest.

As far as controlling harmful stims.  During a meltdown, you already have lost almost all control.  You’re already in survival mode, and your brain is doing those stims to try to regulate the horrible overload it is experiencing.  So while most of the time I suggest finding ways to replace harmful stims with less harmful ones, during a meltdown, don’t.  Your brain doesn’t have the energy for you to fight against it.  It’s full, which is why you’re melting down.

Unless a harmful stim is so severe that it’s putting you in danger, I personally just let them happen, because fighting them will only make the meltdown worse and last longer.  I do hit my head, hard enough to cause a headache, but not hard enough to cause bruising or bleeding.  If you're just hitting your head with your own hands, fine.  There’s no danger there.  If you’re hitting your head on objects that can harm you, then I’d recommend trying to switch to hitting your head with your hands instead.  Your own hands aren’t going to cause a concussion or other dangerous injury.  It’s okay.  Just hit your head.  It’s your brain’s way of actually making the meltdown shorter.  It needs an outlet.  Meltdowns are severe things. 

I do also scratch myself and that too isn’t going to cause permanent harm.  If I try not to do it, then I just end up hitting things with my hands instead- you don’t have much control here.  Your brain needs to regulate with hard stims, and it’s going to.  The only way out is through.  Triggering physical pain can be very regulating for your brain, and as long as you’re not in danger, I wouldn’t fight it during a meltdown.

If your safety truly is in danger, then I hope the people around you will restrain you (such as if you’re biting yourself so hard you’re bleeding, or from hitting your head on something dangerous such as stone or bricks).  Being restrained is hell.  You don’t want to go through it.  But it’s necessary if your safety is truly in danger. 

So you asked how to make a meltdown end quicker- and the answer is hardcore self-care.  This means to remove yourself from the offending environment, it doesn’t matter whether it’s “socially correct” to do it at this time, your brain is in a severe state and it needs safety and you have to get it there.  It also means to let your stims out, let them all out, as much as they want to, as long as you’re not in physical danger.  Scream, cry, hit, bite, scratch, whatever it takes.  Let the stims happen.  These are your brain’s way of getting out of the meltdown. You’ll look autistic.  But a meltdown is serious business, and it requires the best self-care you’ve got, and stimming is self-care.

But, the more familiar you become with your own triggers, and the more you’re able to avoid them, the less often you will have meltdowns.  Especially once you’re an adult and have more control over your own environment, meltdowns can become very rare and some people can even avoid them completely.  Continue to listen to yourself, listen to your brain and what it’s telling you, and do the best self-care that you can, and hopefully you won’t need to worry about how to survive meltdowns nearly as often.

[lost-eternity]

Matchup Requests: CLOSED

Match up request for: @ imightsecretlybeadragon

Okie dokie. I match you with...

I love your tag name, hun

I had to ship you with Sherlock himself 

I was originally considering Mycroft but he honestly can't handle spontaneity 

That's more Sherlock's thing

Although the number of hobbies you have tried your hand at, only to drop most of them, tells me that you grow bored easily and hence need things to occupy your time

So does Sherlock. Except his methods of quelling boredom are not nearly as tame as candle making. 

He'll keep you on your toes

I also considered Mary as a potential match but finding information on her online is incredibly scarce, for some reason. RIP

I believe that your ambition, drive, and willingly to throw reason to the wind and embark on thoughtless adventures is the perfect reason why you would mesh so well with Sherlock Holmes. You would totally be willing to jump out of windows or attempt crazy experiments with him instead of judgmentally staring as most would

As much as Sherlock enjoys John's company, he cannot handle people asking him questions all of the time

Either they need to be on the same level as him- or shut up and do as he says until he reveals his thought process in some theatrical way

While you may not be able to under exactly where that man's mind is at, you are definitely smart enough to understand the general gist and decide for yourself whether or not you want to follow through 

Because sometimes Sherlock really needs someone to look him in the eye and say "no". Instead of passively being yanked around like a dog on a leash.

Both of you have a habit of becoming so engrossed in your work that you forfeit biological functions like sleep. Sherlock really appreciates your understanding in regards to this because he knows that you will not disturb him. 

But when he is going on three days without sleeping or eating, your more nurturing side will step in, force him to rest and give that man some damn sustenance.

Which is why I feel like you would work very well with him. You know when to back off and give him the space he needs, but you aren't complaining like him because you also know when the is challenging the limits of what his human body can handle and will step in to make sure he actually takes care of himself

Like, dude. Take a freaking shower, you both look and smell like a writhing sack of horseshit 

Sherlock would probably find your tendency to be loud quite intrusive. He claims that "even your thoughts are loud. I can feel you thinking. Stop that." And promptly kick you out of the room

Try not to be too offended by him

He is like a toddler. He doesn't know any better

But feel free to give him a scalding tongue lashing afterwards

Sherlock would never admit it, but he does genuinely care for you. And it can sometimes be hard to tell. He constantly berates and criticizes you. But only because he is worrying over your well being and gets super mad if you do sometimes that puts your life in danger. Sherlock can't even bear the thought of losing you, and like everything else he doesn't like, he chooses to ignore or "delete" it. So when that fear becomes a reality,  he flips out, masquerading his concern as anger. Because he does not want to appear weak

His criticism comes from a well meaning place. He genuinely wants you to improve and do the best you can in life to become successful, he is just piss poor and phrasing. Instead his critiques come off as purely negative. You may have to remind him of this and he would be quick albeit awkward to correct. 

If you show him a painting:

"No, the lines are all wrong. The focal point should be here, but because you used 45° angles, the focal point ends up down here."

Cue an unamused look from you

"What? Oh... uh. Y-your use of colour palate is... adequate...."

He's trying

~

Knowing Sherlock, you did not really ever "meet"

At least not how most people would

The first time you met, Sherlock had you pinned beneath him on the ground, demanding that you take off your clothes.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. 

Let's start from the beginning 

You were near Hyde park, cloaked in a heavy woolen coat to combat the biting cold of the winter-scape around you

With your hands shoved deep in your pockets in an attempt to warm them, you continued at a brisk pace, wanting to get back to your flat before the scheduled snowfall 

That was when a dude on a motorcycle nearly careened into you. You jumped back and glared over your shoulder, fully prepared to tell him off. Instead, what you saw rendered you speechless

The guy who almost hit you was wearing a... bunny head mask. What the hell?

So distracted by this weirdo on the motorcycle, you did not notice another man in a black trench charging down the way. He actually did hit you from a full sprint.  

The force of the impact knocked the air from your lungs and caused you to fall over, he taking a tumble shorter thereafter 

The man, now having you stretched out beneath him, seemed entirely preoccupied. If he recognised the implications of your situation, he gave no indication to it. 

He spared you a single glance before looking back after the motorcycle bunny guy. 

"I need your jacket, now!" He demanded, not once looking at You

"Excuse me?" You asked.

"Jacket!" He demanded again. "Take it off!"

Were you being robbed?

If you were, this was one weird ass mugger. 

Another man came jogging up, his breath short and strained as she rested his hand on his knees. He looked horrified then apologetic  "Sherlock! Get off her!" 

The rude trench coat fella scrambled to his feet, as if just now realising he had been on top of you. He must be Sherlock.

The second man continued. "I'm sorry about him, we aren't mugging you. We would just like to borrow your jacket for a few minutes."

"Watson, he is getting away!" Sherlock complained

You removed your coat, and handed it over, completely confused. What else were you supposed to do?

The cold air bit your exposed skin, sending goose-flesh across your arms as you shivered from the chill

Sherlock and his big ass coat moved at a dead sprint towards an ice-crusted fountain 

Watson sighed and extended a hand to help you up. He shrugged off his own jacket, offering it to you.

You immediately refused his gesture, despite the sheer cold causing you to shiver. 

Watson frowned slightly at the rejection, his forehead creasing

You watched as this Sherlock character leapt onto the fountain,  nearly losing his footing as she scrambled across. The motorcycle man had almost reached the road, if he got there, he would be lost. 

Sherlock pursued him, jumping over gates and pushing past pedestrians to cut him off on the main trail.

You did not think he would make it, but remarkably, he did. He stood before the motorcycle your jacket extended in front of him

Bunny guy did not hesitate to charge at him, probably planning to run him down

Your breath hitched in your throat as you gazed at the scene. Like a matador facing off against a bull... except Sherlock had no sword. No back up. Just a jacket. How in the world was he going to stop a guy on a motorcycle with only a jacket???

You watched in anticipation, the cold you felt completely forgotten as the motorcycle drew nearer and nearer. 

Sherlock did not once hesitate nor flinch. He remained rooted in spot, his eyes steely with determination 

The bunny suit man got within a single metre of Sherlock.

You thought for sure that you were about to witness a collision. 

You were wrong

Sherlock threw your coat then rolled out of the way.

The coat hit the back wheel as it spun, getting snagged in the shifting gears and mechanisms. 

It wrapped itself around the back wheel, seizing it up and causing the motorcycle to skid out, slipping across the ice before colliding into a nearby tree.

Sherlock was quick to pounce, restraining the bunny suit guy. 

You were absolutely amazed. Both you and Watson seemed to have the same idea as you rushed over. Watson scolding Sherlock for pulling the stunt and you out of concern for your poor coat.

~

It wasn't long before the police arrived. Apparently bunny guy was some sort of expert thief turned murderer known for his iconic bunny suit. The cops have been after him for months and Sherlock had been the one to flush him out and trap him

You were mostly distraught over the loss of your jacket.  It was a good jacket, now completely lost to the motors and gears on the cycle

Watson promised that he would buy you a new one.  He even invited you back to his flat for some tea because he was worried you would catch cold if you walked all the way back to yours

You were going to refuse and just take a cab, then you learnt that Watson and Sherlock were flatmates. 

How could you say no?

You just met some of the most interesting people on the planet, how could anyone say no to tea with them?

Sherlock seemed adamantly against the idea, complaining loudly about Watson "taking home too many strays" because "they ruin my work."

"You should have thought of that before you ruined my favourite jacket." You retorted

They were both taken aback by your wit

Watson appeared rather smug. "Yeah. You could have just used your own."

Sherlock seemed positively offended that anyone would dare suggest such a thing. "Not my coat! The coat is iconic."

Watson just rolled his eyes 

~

Despite getting off on the wrong foot, you and Sherlock hit it off rather nicely 

You were amazed by his observational abilities, but shocked him by understanding how he came to his conclusions before he even explained.

This was when Sherlock began to like you

And Sherlock doesn't like anyone

It kinda baffles John, really

Sherlock, finding you rather entertaining, is fine with you popping in for tea every once in a while. 

He even let you assist on cases

This is where he really began to fall for you

He admires your intellect and thought process, considering it formidable albeit slower than his own

Let's be real, it's Sherlock 

But things kinda start out rough

At first, when Sherlock first realises that he has feelings for you, he "deletes" them

It's scary admitting when you fancy someone

And not just scary. Dangerous. Especially for Sherlock. 

He can't allow himself to be focused on anything except for work

Of course, the more time he spends with you, the more his feelings keep coming back, regardless of how often he deletes them

So he pushes you away

He lashes out

Becomes cold and distant, trying to make you give up

But you won't. You're having the time of your life with him and always comes back. No matter how many times he yells for you to go away. Its infuriating, actually 

There will come a point where Sherlock has to make peace with his own attractions but it will be very difficult for the both of you

You will have to work with him through this

Cause Sherlock is not going to be an easy catch. And an even harder one to keep

But I have faith in you.

I hope you enjoyed dear, let me know what you think :)

[alternativewinxcontinuity]

what do you think the winx's biggest character flaws are? like, not in their writing, just like how someone can come off as cold or standoffish accidentally or don't have a brain-to-mouth filter or any insecurities really (not for the au, i'm geniunely interested on your take on their characters)

I think once you disregard all of the stuff that's a side effect of the writing you do lose quite a few flaws which are primarily just writers making characters dumb and obtuse for The Drama, but the flaws left are still pretty connected to the writing.

It's been a while since I've re-watched the show, (I'll have to make time for that at some point this year (happy 2020 btw)) so I'm kind of at the point where I'm forgetting how the canon characterisation is, so some of this might be the fanon slipping in. Apologies.

But primary flaws from my POV?:

Stella is pretty self-absorbed, she's very focused on her image to the point where she can say some hurtful stuff because she's forgotten how to empathise with the people around her in her pursuit of 'the perfect 'it' girl'. I feel like that comes from a childhood we only get hints about, she's spent so long trying to become what people want, she's failed to become someone people like.

She's not unlikable, she's just given up substance for style, and it can make her act childish and spoiled at times, and she can't (or won't bother to) read the room before speaking.

It's something she was getting over in the earlier seasons, being around the Winx she was learning to tone down her need to be The Popular Girl and empathise more, but unfortunately, the writing is intrinsically linked, and this trait became Flanderised to the point of parody by season 7.

Bloom is incredibly self-righteous, she believes she's always in the right, even when she's not. Despite some early self-doubt, she believes she knows better than everyone else to a dangerous degree. Within minutes of passing Diaspro in the hall at Red Fountain, she'd decided with no evidence but her hunch that Diaspro was Icy in disguise. Rather than ask around about the young woman sitting with royals who didn't seem to find her presence odd or suspicious, Bloom tricked Diaspro into a private place and attacked her with no further questioning. Despite the fact that Bloom had asked 'Icy' under false pretences that 'Icy' would have absolutely every reason to doubt, Bloom decided she was right and went full steam ahead.

The problem isn't that she's self assured and confident, it's that The Drama, Bloom never considers the possibility that she could be wrong about something, and most of the time she's right about things, which makes the whole thing worse because it lets the confidence become arrogance with no one the wiser until things go Wrong.

But the writing likes to sweep that under the rug. It also feeds into part of her Drama with Sky, she's convinced that X is happening to affect their relationship and they're doomed and blah blah blah, and rather than consider the possibilities and even try to wait until she talks to Sky she stews and works herself into a (self justified) anger which makes it harder for the duo to communicate. (The relationship Drama is not all on her, but it's not entirely on Sky either. Just mostly, because he's a jealous cheater type.)

Aisha is kind of a mix of Stella and Bloom, she's selfish. No, that's the wrong word, she's very 'my way or the highway, you're with me or against me' in her world view, she's convinced a lot of the time that her way is the 'best' way. But again I think that was a product of her youth that was being tempered until the writing got in the way.

She spent so much of her life having to 'go it alone' I don't think she ever entirely got out of that mind set, a small part of her always had that instinct of 'how do I do this by myself, what's best for me,' rather than 'how do I help this get done, what's best for us'.

Not to say she was uncooperative, she integrated to the team really well, (and this is where the 'I haven't watched the show in ages' really starts being a problem because) but I feel like by the time she was finally letting go of this completely, she was being forced face first into “my boyfriend is dead now, time to rage for a few hours and then spend a season or two being angry and hating all male life”.

Musa had a similar problem, she was also so quick to anger. And yes that came from a place of deep hurt and trauma, but she never really got over that. Someone does something that might be considered a slight against her (or her friends) and boom: rage time.

Again the writing brushed it off or justified it, but Musa has anger issues that sit pretty tight with trust issues. She and Riven have been dating for a few years, she sees him talking with another girl and 'he's cheating there's no other explanation, he is about to be sorry!'

It doesn't help that the writing is always pulling that shit, but the fact that it always turns out to be nothing, or nothing more than foot-in-mouth disease, this shouldn't be her first assumption.

Tecna and Flora are a little harder to talk about because they feel like they're edged out a little for the louder personalities, and even up front, they feel like they're not as in the spotlight as the other girls.

Flora has self-confidence issues, but she's also a big sister, it has this weird clashing effect of Flora being almost a doormat at times, giving way to whatever everyone else is doing, and at others she's very much a caregiver. When Flora does put her foot down on an issue the, the writing almost seems to go out of its way to make her irrational about it.

I feel like the writers wanted a mediator type personality – how do I de-escalate this situation, how can I make sure this works out for the most number of people, how do we find a compromise – but they just gave her a 'yes man' personality instead of a 'I will go this far but you have to meet me half way' type.

Tecna's flaw, until the writing decided to disregard personality for boys, was that she was a very logical person, her entire world was run on strict rules and regulations, it was a safe environment. She comes to Alfea and bam, all the chaos and she couldn't quite get the hang of it. It runs parallel to Aisha's flaw, in that Tecna's upbringing has embedded this sense of restrain and regulation in her, and when this runs counter to how she's certain they should be, she digs her heels in and doesn't let up.

Basically she's very stubborn, and if she's convinced she's right she'll need in-arguable proof to change her mind.

-

For the most part, their flaws are positive traits that were done wrong, or taken too far in the wrong direction. (from my perspective at least.)