#i'm trying so hard to have a better outlook

[ageless-aislynn]

Okay so it's only technically the first half of the original ch7 for "15 Minutes" but my STARS, it's something posted and that feels like such a win right now.

Georgette (computer) had a bad morning but despite that, she rallied after that first freeze/lockup and, look, we got something accomplished!

[medicinemane]

.

[lavenderchqn]

"PILLOWS AND THEIR FORTS"

synopsis — after a day escalates in you being fully deflated, kinich proves you that love comes in more than one way pairing — kinich x gn!reader warnings — minor character having a stereotypical outlook on what love is, a very minor panic attack notes — just a small kinich fic, since I'm enjoying him a lot recently

You stifled a yawn, exhausted at the day you unfortunately had to experience. 

The beginning of a new semester was always rough — dealing with new subjects, professors, or fellow students. Sad to say, what it also came with was… bloody in-person lectures. Combining those with your first practical subjects, you were stuck at university since 8 AM. 

Checking at your phone, you’ve discovered you were almost here for 12 hours. The clock has struck a miserable 7:28 PM. Only twelve more minutes and you’d be free to go home. To your beloved blankets. To your beloved pillows. 

“Earth to my lovely friend!” Your university bestie said, her voice muffled. You noticed her hands waving in front of your face. How did she manage to still feel energised was quite a mystery. 

“What’s up?” You asked, laying your head on your arms.

“Look at the boy I’m trying to get with…” She handed her phone to you, giving you full access to her full dating app conversation. “Quite the catch, dare I say~” 

You hummed, acknowledging her words. Unfortunately for her, your brain was not responsive enough to entertain her situation. “Looks nice, I guess…” 

“I know, right! Not to mention,  he’s such a romantic!!” She tried to further prove her point by all the serenade-like words the guy had sent. 

“I’m happy for you… let me nap now, please…” You closed your eyes, trying to conserve the last bits of your energy. Sadly, that was not doable due to a sudden thunderclap startling you back to full attention. Did it seriously start to rain just now?!

On a day… when you had decided to leave your umbrella back at home? Great, just great.

The lecture soon ended, and slouched people left the classroom trying to find any means of getting home. 

“My soon-to-be boyfriend said he can pick me up!” Your friend jumped in excitement. “Sometimes I pity you for still staying with Kinich, you know?” 

Oh. That was new.

“What do you mean?” You stopped, staring your friend down. What did he have to do with anything?

“You’re too good for him!” Her voice strikes back. “Surely you could do much better with a guy who can prove their love to you!” 

Her attitude was less than enjoyable at that moment. 

You pinched the bridge of your nose. That was certainly not the time to have an argument with a friend. Your head was pounding — a cumulative effort of fatigue mixed with your sensitivity to weather. 

“Whatever.” You scoffed. “You’re not the one in this relationship, so what makes you think your opinion matters?” 

With those words, you were off. Into the cold and rain, you went. 

By the time you make it, you’re soaked from head to toe. You sigh as you turn the key to the house. Halfway through your walk back, you remembered that tonight was your turn to cook dinner. Only gods can hope, that Kinich isn’t upset with you.

The moment you step through the door, you’re hit with the smell of a freshly cooked dinner. Did he get so fed up he ordered something? 

You don’t even have time to think, swift footsteps coming in your direction.

“Holy fuck. I knew it started raining, but this much?” Kinich helps you in getting off your bag before heading to the bathroom. 

He’s soon back, with a stack of towels. 

“You’re alright, Love. I’ve got you.” He starts to dry your hair, doing his best not to damage your hair. Your head hangs low — you don’t want your partner to look at your face. It’s hard to even think when tears have joined all the water drops you’re covered with. 

Kinich must know something, as he doesn’t even question your odd behaviour. He dries as much water as he can. “Do you want me to carry you to the bathroom?” He asks. 

“Huh?” You finally look at him, confusion in your eyes. “Why would you?” 

“Because,” He flicks your shoulder lightly. “You need a shower before you get sick.” 

With that, he picks you up and carefully carries you to the bathroom. 

“I’m going to get you some warm and cosy clothes for when you’re done.” He sets you down in the middle of the bathroom, in front of the shower. “Once you’re done, we’re going to eat dinner.” 

“A-Alright.

You stand there frozen for a moment once Kinich leaves, staring at the shower, still in a daze from everything that had happened throughout the day. The exhaustion weighing heavily on your shoulders finally catches up, and you let out a long sigh before undressing and stepping into the warm water.

As the heat cascades over your skin, the tension in your body begins to ease. You let the water wash away not only the grime from the rain but also the stress of the day. You can’t help but think back to your friend's words — her judgment about your relationship with Kinich. It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, but as the warm water envelops you, you realise how unfair it was to let those words affect you. Kinich was always there for you, always patient, always understanding. Her words didn’t matter. 

After a while, you finally get out of the shower, feeling lighter, though still emotionally drained. You dry yourself off and slip into the cosy clothes Kinich had laid out for you. As you open the bathroom door, the smell of dinner wafts through the air again. Your stomach growls, reminding you that you haven’t eaten much today.

Walking into the kitchen, you see Kinich setting the table. He looks up and smiles slightly when his eyes meet yours. "Feel better?”

You nod, offering a small smile in return. "Yeah, thanks… And sorry for not making dinner tonight.”

“Do I need to flick your forehead harder?” He asks, head tilted looking at your face confused. “I don’t need an apology.” 

“B-but…” 

“Shush.” He hands you the cutlery, before taking a seat himself. “Enjoy the meal, we’re having a cosy night once you’re done.” 

“Cosy night?—“ You turn around to look at the living room. 

There’s a pillow fort there. Fully fortified, oozing with pure comfiness.  

You stare at the pillow fort, blinking in disbelief. Kinich, always full of surprises, had somehow managed to set up the cosiest little corner of the living room while you were in the shower. Soft blankets draped over chairs and an assortment of pillows arranged perfectly. 

“You did all this while I was showering?” you ask, your voice soft with awe.

Kinich chuckles as he takes a bite of his food. “Sure did. Figured you could use a bit of comfort after the day you’ve had. Plus, we haven’t had a good pillow fort night in ages.”

Soon after,  the meal comes to an end. You both clear the table and Kinich gestures toward the fort. “Fort time?” he asks with a grin.

You nod eagerly, following him into the living room. The fort is even cosier up close, with a pile of your favourite snacks and a movie queued up on the laptop nestled inside. Kinich climbs into the fort first, patting the spot beside him, and you quickly follow, snuggling into the soft pillows as he wraps an arm around your shoulders.

For a while, you both just sit there, the warmth of the fort and his presence surrounding you like a shield against the outside world. The rain continues to tap against the windows, however inside, everything feels safe and perfect.

“Thank you, Kinich,” you whisper, resting your head against his chest. “For everything.”

He starts stroking your back. “Of course. It’s the least I could do, to make your day less shitty.”

And in that moment, you realise that he truly did that. Despite the rough day, despite your friend’s hurtful words, sitting here in this homemade fort with Kinich by your side, you feel truly content… 

Knowing that love can be more than words. 

date of posting — september 16th 2024

[ashherahh]

messages on the way forward

Note: Please take it if it resonates, leave it if it doesn't. Meditate before making your decision. It's completely okay if you don't resonate with this reading. The collective is huge and I'm sure you'll receive the messages you need in due time.

pile 1

Cards: The Tower, Wheel of Fortune, Ten of Cups. BOD: Three of Swords

You're coming out of a period of struggle and upheaval. It's as though struggles were constantly on your heel and you couldn't rid yourself from them no matter how far you ran.

This is definitely an emotional pain you were struggling with, as though you were stabbed in the heart. A disastrous breakup. A loss of a loved one. The loss of an opportunity to pursue your dream career.

However, no matter how horrible you may be feeling about what happened, it is pure redirection by the universe. When we open ourselves to possibilities, we allow ourselves to receive more than we could ever dream of. Think of it this way: There is only so much you know, but the universe knows infinitely more. Don't you think the universe could give you something better?

But besides giving you something better, what if through this situation you are able to receive a revelation that will change your entire outlook on life? What if this propels you towards a life of absolute and complete fulfilment?

You've been carrying this for a while. I do see you getting better and I do see the ending of a cycle. Fulfilment is on the horizon.

pile 2

Cards: The Fool Rx, Queen of Pentacles Rx, Queen of Wands Rx. BOD: Nine of Wands Rx

Your car is stuck in the mud, and you've had your foot of the pedal hoping that you'll miraculously get out that way. It's been forever though, so at what point will you accept the situation and get out and push? At what point do you ASK for the help you need? At what point do you try a different way of doing things?

Are you going to sit in your car with your foot on the pedal until your gas runs out? It's looking that way at this point.

I can tell that you're a hard working group of people but there's no balance. Why the urge to succeed so badly to the detriment of yourself? It's a pity that you're not accepting your current state of self, but you can feel it.

It's starting to show in what you're working so hard at. You are definitely feeling that you are off your game.

You are extremely capable and you can push like it's no one's business, but you have a body and it's demanding rest. The universe is so funny sometimes, if you ignore the signs, you'll be forced to surrender to the divine one way or the other.

Take the break you need and trust that things will work out. Not everything needs to be made perfect by you all the time. A little mess in your life is all right.

pile 3

Cards: The Sun, Two of Wands Rx, King of Pentacles. BOD: Nine of Pentacles

What you're trying to achieve is possible. Literally, you are the person who can make it happen but you are the person who needs a solid plan to do it in a way that will permanently establish you.

There's a saying that obsession beats talent. That's true. You need to be obsessed enough to know everything you possibly can about this. You will be unmatched. But if you're only putting in the effort when it motivates you or you feel good, all of that potential will slip through the cracks.

I do see that you know you have something that can really bring an amazing change to your life. I'm not seeing fear or hesitation or anything life that. You have everything else under control, it's just formulating a solid plan. You'll have no problem with the execution of it, because this is something meant for you.

You can do it, just buckle down and plan it all out. This will take some time but it'll be so worth it.

[mozzaremi]

got too silly, made omori magic au, that i'm calling MAGIKOMORI indodump in read more! (it's long)

Magikomori (Infodump)

The whole premise of the au is that the world of omori takes place in an alternate universe where magic is real

Magic and witchery have only recently become a viable career choice in this world, with magic academies popping up to help other witches to properly hone their craft in their efforts to make a living profit from doing what they love and are passionate about.

Both Sunny and Mari come from a bloodline of witches, making them generally talented in magic and spellcasting. Their mother isa witch, while their dad is just a regular guy who doesn't have the best outlook on magic users. 

Mari develop a people-pleaser side of herself that oftentimes is directed at her father, always trying her best to receive validation from him, resulting in Mari dropping all thoughts of becoming a professional witch in the future to instead focus more on her regular school studies and perfecting her skills on the piano.

Sunny, being the opposite, fully embraces the magic side of himself. The specific type of witch ability he's good at being illusions. He can summon lifelike recreations of entities from his dreams without much trouble. His summons are able to interact with the real world around them while also having a mind of their own. Although with Sunny being a less-experienced illusionist, he cannot control them or summon many at a time (he works around this problem by being able to conjure chibi versions of his dream entities into the real world).

While Mewo is still the pet of the family and she is recognised as Mrs. Suzuki's familiar. At the time of Sunny and Mari being toddlers, they would happens to accidentally cast spells and it was Mewo's job to reverse them and babysit the children when the parents were busy.

Other noteworthy magic users from the friend group is Aubrey. While she’s not from a family that's magically inclined, after seeing all the cool stuff Mari and Sunny are able to do with their witch heritage, saying that she became inspired to dabble in magic would be an understatement! 

The particular magic Aubrey specializes in is alchemy! She’s able to use spells to conjure, combine and transform items. One of her first successful alchemy attempts was being able to transform a simple wooden broomstick into a wooden bat 

The other magic user of the group is Basil. 

His family is part of an ancient bloodline of seers, and are able to see visions of the future. On top of that, Basil's lineage are bearers of a curse of being subjected to frequent nightmares, taking away any semblance of peace in their day to day life, leaving them with restless nights of poor sleep, night terrors, and insomnia. This curse also affects Basil's abilities to see visions, as it's hard to separate possible future events from a bad dream.

With the help of his grandma, Basil combats the curse by creating magical potions to suppress the nightmares and give himself a better night's sleep. 

Potion making becoming his speciality, he contemplates joining a magic academy to get a permit to sell his very own potions to the public! His brews range from tea- like elixirs that help with staying calm, helping with concentration, and clearing up general sickness (so basically like the stuff you can find at a regular pharmacy but make it magical)

Both Hero and Kel staying fairly faithful to their canon counterparts, both not having that many ties to magic, but still appreciating the craft! The brothers often contemplate on learning spells for their daily use, whether it's to help with chores or to enhance the taste of a special valentine's treat for a special someone! 

Now here's the deal breaker question... does Mari die in the au?

Well... yes and no. The accident does occur, but after Sunny pushes Mari, instead of freezing up, he attempts to cast a spell to save her from the fall, but instead he fumbles the spell so bad, that Mari phases between the world of the living and the dead, Sunny and basil being the only ones who can see her.

Their dad was already showing slight agitation from the witchery mischief that that family takes part in and the accident is the last straw for him. He leaves the family right after, convinced that the spell cannot be reversed and that mari was basically murdered by Sunny's hands and magic. 

Their mom tries her hardest to reverse the spell that might as well have been a curse. But without being able to detect mari, and with Sunny and Basil being the only ones to see her, it's their responsibility to attempt to undo the spell.

Instead of framing it as a suicide, Sunny's mom filed it as a missing person's case just so nothing bad happens to the two boys. Since magic has only been recently integrated into daily life, there weren't any good sources to turn to for help, so all trust was put into basil and Sunny to fix this.

Attempts to find a way to reverse their mistake were made with the two worried boys collecting countless books on spells and curses in effort to find a solution to their problem. After months of research, things were looking hopeless. Sunny, not being able to deal with the pressure, falls into a depressive state, barely leaving his own headspace while sleeping all day and night.

After the incident, he develops the headspace that we know, though with more magical elements sprinkled in, alongside Omori and his headspace friends. Omori is almost a stand-in for Sunny's own familiar, being able to effortlessly enter the real world and also disguise himself as his cat form. Omori would cause the young witch to procrastinate on finding the right spell to bring Mari back, ensuring that Sunny doesn't become too stressed or depressed when his attempts lead him nowhere. While not doing it out of any evil reasons to keep mari stuck between planes of existence, he just wants to protect Sunny and make sure that he gets some semblance of rest and peace in his life.

Basil's mental state also worsens alongside his best friend. With his best friend shutting him out and not having that much spare time to brew potions for his nightmares, all his time is devotedto finding a way to bring back Mari even without Sunny's help.

After the disappearance of Mari, instead of Hero becoming a chef or a doctor in the future, he chooses the career path of a detective, even purchasing a very expensive crystal ball to try to contact Mari if she were to be dead. Coincidentally he has no luck with being able to contact her, leaving Hero with some hope that he might find her someday. 

Aubrey still ends up becoming a delinquent, while also using her alchemy abilities for mischief. She forms a friend group of other delinquent magic users, causing occasional acts of misbehavior in faraway town.

She still owns Bun-Bun as her pet bunny, and while not having any magical abilities, Aubrey still refers to him as her familiar companion.

Kel is still... same-old Kel, still into basketball and a personification of a ball of sunshine. He still attempts knocking at Sunny's door to see him again, with things not going well until Sunny has to move. Kel also pitched in to get Hero the crystal ball for some closure, even being surprised as well when nothing came up. 

Being stuck between being dead and alive, after the four years Mari loses any resentment she might have had for Sunny and instead feels bad for her dear little brother. While Sunny can still see Mari, it's almost as if after Omori came into the picture Sunny started ignoring Mari's presence. Noticing this, Mari would attempt invading the boy's dreams to talk to him, causing all the headspace reset shenanigans.

When it comes to magic being used to cause other people harm, it all follows the "rule of three". Whatever energy a person puts out into the world, be it positive or negative, will be returned to that person three times. Being aware of this magical law does help with preventing any possible person using magic for evil. 

In Sunny's case, while it was accidental, he did cause his sister and his friends a lot of grief, so it all returned back at him, the negative energy being a lot of emotional turmoil. This feeling of physical and mental unwellness is what helped develop Omori as his supposed familiar to help him cope. 

The plot of omori would still play out as it normally would withthe main difference being that people think that mari went missing instead of her committing suicide. 

Bad and neutral omori endings are still plausible options for the plot. But in the good ending, once the friend group forgives Sunny and Basil for keeping up the lie of Mari's disappearance, they attempt to work together to undo the spell keeping Mari in limbo.

[bloggingboutburgers]

Something that really ought to be said more... it's ok not to understand. To never understand even. (In the case of the reblog, understanding sex / peoples' fixation on both it and romance, but it can apply to anything.)

People can give all myriad of reasons they do or like something, but that doesn't have to change your mind about how you personally engage with it.

I think the only case where understanding matters is insofar having a greater understanding helps limit how much people hate something out of ignorance, but that isn't foolproof (people can understand and still double down, which I've seen happen a lot towards every hated group under the sun).

Aspec or not, your cultural upbringing and how you physically perceive intimacy of all kinds is going to affect both if you enjoy it and how you understand it.

For many, sex and romance isn't an important goal but a thing that just happens. The uniquity of it with "life" is worth questioning, especially in cases where people feel pressured to perform and participate in sex and romance. But for many it isn't something they plan for at all. They may include it in fanfiction or fanart (and yeah it absolutely is prevalent in that space the same way edgy ms paint furry art was prevalent in the early 2010s) but that inclusion is not a message to onlookers that they must themselves aspire to a relationship like the one depicted.

Thank you so much for this, it feels sincerely validating and... Yeah, like you said, it ought to be said more.

I gotta admit it's hard sometimes not to want to understand, when (as an aro/ace person, that is) you're pretty much incentivized to do so at every turn. Even if you're lucky enough to not have been treated as a prudish freak for expressing you're aro or ace, and finger-pointed with a "You should try to understand people's point of view better" (sic: very few people try to do the same for you)... Society is portrayed as just working that way, putting romance and sex as #1 priority is portrayed as "the normal thing to do", and in my own experience and a fair amount of aros and aces around me, it seems, it's not just "included" in fanfiction or fanart, it's... Aggressively prevalent. Like, 95% to be generous, possibly more. And it's not just fanwork either. Fiction and art in general are loaded with it. So... Yeah, it's kinda hard sometimes NOT to take all of this as a message that this is what we should aspire to and the way we are isn't valid.

But then even if you're lucky enough, like I am, to FEEL valid despite all that, it's still... Lonely. I wanna understand because some days, a lot of days, it seems it's the only thing people actually connect over, and even if I'll never feel the appeal, I wanna understand the logic behind it, at least that much, so I'm not made to feel like such an alien for wanting to focus on other things. I wanna know the reasons.

Another more personal thing is that when I was growing up as an aro-ace, before I figured myself out, I thought everyone else was blowing things out of proportion to an abnormal degree without realizing I was the "abnormal" one, and that lead me to see breakups with a very "well, duh, that's what people do, they break up" outlook and not understanding the devastation behind it. I've gotten better at it, but there's still a lot I just find myself smiling and nodding to without really getting it, and that hurt too, to a degree. I feel cold to my friends and to other people.

I know I shouldn't, because I am who I am and I don't love them any less or am any more unfeeling than them, and I know I guess I shouldn't feel too guilty for not understanding allo people because allo people in general, exceptions aside, will make little to no effort to understand me back, but... Yeah, it's hard not to, a lot of the time. So being told it's OK is definitely valuable and a relief, even if it won't make that feeling go away in me, it's still a relief. Thank you.

[stormsbourne]

The most baffling thing about the Kotaku article, besides spewing out typical Edelstan talking points, is how it thinks Claude wants the "status quo" and has an "us vs them" mindset. I'm sorry, but what?! Have they actually played the game?

it doesn't make any sense for dimitri either, who says time and again that he finds the current system abhorrent and wants to cultivate an era where the strong aren't able to easily prey on the weak who can't defend themselves. the entire point of fe3h is that it's four different takes on what needs fixing in a fucked up world. some of the takes are wrong and some are ill-informed, but every "lead character" of each route (edelgard, claude, dimitri, and rhea) have a different view on what fodlan really needs to become a better place.

and in regards to saying edelgard is the only right one, or even the most right one, I think it's just a western thing to view conquest as inherently productive and I think it's an instinct we should interrogate! not to mention that fire emblem is traditionally about either recovering conquered land or defending your home, eventually taking the fight to the invaders but only because you got invaded first. so crimson flower is trying to tell us something by nature of it being a route where you are doing conquest. you are on the side of the initiator. all of the lords in 3h pull from very distinct archetypes (dimitri is a combination of a classic lord and the swordsman/nobleman with a dark past, your ravens and such; claude is a combination of the wyvern riding noble/prince -- often villainous -- and the wandering/itinerant prince like lewyn or joshua). edelgard pulls from the red emperor, an exclusively villainous archetype very, very strongly and has little else to her.

all of this is also without getting into that japanese game writers are just going to have a very different outlook on this shit than online western leftists in their 20s. I find it happens with a lot of non-american media specifically, where people have a hard time understanding, say, japan's relationship with the aesthetics of christianity or catholicism, because they've got the american viewpoint on those religions and what they mean embedded so deeply that it doesn't occur to them.

anyway I don't know how anyone playing through cf watches dedue Do That on tailtean plains while a dour war march plays, and thinks to themselves, yeah, I'm the good guy here

[strrykais]

die with a smile

a hwang hyunjin short story

week two

its been a week since hyunjin was asked to stay here. everyday was testing, blood drawn, scans and the horrible hospital smell. as he walked down the halls mindlessly going where his feet wondered. he walks past this room, stopping and then slowing walking back. there stood a girl her hair flowing down her back. she faces the window outlooking the hospitals courtyard. she has on a painters apron on, her hands and arms were completely covered in paint. she wasn’t exactly van gogh but her style was captivating. 

hyunjin slows walks in continuing to stare at the girl he couldnt understand why there was this pull to get close to her. hyunjin freezes when he sees the girl turn around feeling the presence of a person. you smile at him, a red streak of paint laying on your pale cheeks.

”hyunjin! hi! we meet again. sorry i would shake your hand but i'm kind of covered.” you laugh out at your own little joke. hyunjin could feels his cheeks turning a light red hearing your honey laugh.

“youre a patient?” hyunjin was dumbfounded last time he saw you, you were wearing a doctors coat. you run a hand through your hair, thin layers of paint sticking to thin strands.

”yeah, sorry i havent stopped by to see you after we met. things got held up over here so i had to deal with that before they gave me clearance to leave my room.” you take off our apron hanging it on the hook nailed to the wall. “glad to see you looking better. are you feeling any better.” you asked.

hyunjin was asked this so many times a day he was starting to get really sick of it. he scoffs “i wouldn’t exactly say having cancer is something someone could feel better towards.” he rolls his eyes turning around to walk out when he hears your voice, stopping him.

”well you exactly haven't tried, have you? still feeling like the world is against you? or is it you are a good person and you don't deserve this.” you say walking to the canvas covering it with a sheet hiding the barely forming painting.

”and what do you know, you are just a kid playing doctor when other people are going through a tough time. not everything is easier because you put on a fake smile and a silly laugh.” hyunjin was pissed and stormed out of your room. how dare she even think of saying something like that to him. he was going to make sure to avoid you like you were the last thing on earth.

hyunjin couldn’t avoid you. you would always pop out at the most random times. its been about the second week of him being here and you were getting on his nerves. though he was doing everything to avoid you, no matter how hard he tried his eyes always seemed to wander to look for your cheery smile and bright eyes.

hyunjin was hiding in a supply closet when you walked in, cheeks red and out of breath. before hyunjin can get a word out, you quickly place your hand over his lips, shushing him. his heart was rapidly beating so fast he thought you could hear it. he watched as you continued to watch the door listening to the footsteps outside.

you turns looking down at him, body hovering over his sitting form, you smirked, hand still over his mouth. he gulps, he was nervous with the way you were looking at him.

"my nurse was trying to make me eat something, but i don't really feel good enough to eat at the moment." you say gently plopping beside him, your hand finally away from his mouth he lets a deep breath.

he did not want to make small talk with you so he continued to draw in the notebook he hid in here days before.

"you draw woah that's so cool, i can't draw which is probably why my paintings are so bad. hey what if you teach me. and i can teach you to paint. i see how you always walk by my room once in a while, to see how that paintings going." you say hovering over his shoulder.

" i don't and no thank you. get out. i can't hide from you if you are in here." hyunjin grumbles.

"okay well if you want to learn or get bored you know where i am." you smile wiping your hands on your hospital pants and slowly makes your way to the door.

"just so you know this was technically my hiding spot first, i've been here longer. but it can be ours now." you quickly stepped out shutting the door softly not letting hyunjin even deny the idea of a shared hiding room. he would definitely be finding a new place to hide.

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tags : @hannamoon143 @jellyleggz @tajannah-price1 @skzfelixlove @kkamismom12

[pancake-breakfast]

For as much as I love the series now, Attack on Titan was a bit of a hard sell for me. Through much of the first season, I kept asking myself why I should bother to invest in a series with such a high death count and such a bleak outlook for the characters. And, when you're near the beginning, it does seem like this anime might just be following a lot of typical shonen tropes. You have the brave-and-determined dumbass, the stoic badass, the nerdy friend, the love interest, the rival, etc. etc.

But while AoT uses this as a starting place, it doesn't stay there. If your main character is a dumbass, he doesn't get to be the lovable dumbass who has everything magically work out around him. His dumbassery has consequences. People might still love him. Things might still work out. But if they do, it's in spite of him and not because of him, and they don't work out nearly as well as they would have if he hadn't been a dumbass.

One of the scenes that better illustrates this is in second season, when Eren and Ymir are captured by Reiner and Berthold and they're all talking in the tree. Eren takes stock of the situation and thinks to himself, "Ok, in order to get through this with the best outcome, I need to plan my actions, bide my time, and not let my emotions get the better of me."

A minute later, he's raging and trying to headbutt Reiner out of the tree while Ymir facepalms and decides her own goals will be better met if she sides with Reiner and Berthold.

Eren's not acting out of character here. He might have decided in the moment that he's gonna try to approach this situation more calmly and thoughtfully than he generally does, but because "raging dumbass" is his default at this point in the story, that part of his character doesn't just spontaneously evaporate so he can become Amazing Hero Guy(TM). Since he's NEVER actually acted in such a calm and calculated way before, making that sort of change is going to take time and practice. (Or straight-up trauma, but that's another post entirely.)

And because he isn't able to make the best decision in the moment, Ymir hesitates to side with him, thus making the whole rescue attempt by the Scouts and their allies MUCH more bloody.

Similarly, the unfolding of Levi's character helps us see how much more than a trope he is. At first, he seems like he'll be that cold, cool, distant commander guy who doesn't play by the rules, but then, no. He's got more nuance than that by a long shot. Because if he *was* that cold, cool, distant leader guy, he wouldn't be a very good leader, and if he couldn't follow orders, he would never be given his own command.

You can't gain the loyalty from your subordinates just by being good at what you do. You have to pay attention to them. Levi isn't loved by the fandom just because he's a badass, but because he's intuitive and insightful about both people and situations. One could argue that no one else cares more for their subordinates than Levi. And that sort of behavior from real-world leaders wins over hearts far more than being a badass rebel.

I could go on, because practically every character in this series has the nuance necessary to give them depth and believability that isn't demanded of shonen series. These characters could have all just been tropes, but they aren't. They have to go through the same learning processes that real-world people do. They have to find ways to relate to others just the same as everyone else. And when they fail to do that, or don't do it on the right timeline, there are consequences.

Recognizing that the series was more about consequences than about any given character being right or wrong by default was what really allowed me to buy into it. And I'm glad I did, because it's been a wild ride.

[sleekervae]

The Bride [0.2]

Masterlist

Pairing: billy the kid x fem!reader

Summary: Billy and Eleanor reunite in Silver City.

Warnings: foul language, mentioned racism

Word Count: 4,458

Tag List: @poppyflower-22 @ponyslayer

Life didn't get much easier for Billy. His stepfather's reckless spending on brothels and alcohol left them with dwindling funds, worsened by the bank's refusal to extend more credit. Forced to seek new opportunities, the Antrim family packed up and headed to Silver City.

Billy learned of a town called Silver City, and after the sudden and tragic death of his friend Carlos, he didn't find much more reason to stay in Santa Fe. It was about an arduous journey, a week-long trek through scorching heat, relentless mosquitoes, and the ever-present danger of snakes. Yet, despite the challenges, they finally reached Silver City, hopeful for a fresh start and a brighter future.

Though as it turned out, opportunities in Silver City weren't so good either.

While Kathleen embarked on a new restaurant venture, Henry flitted between jobs, proving too finicky and fragile for any substantial work. So Billy helped out where he could, working odd jobs here and there, and playing rounds of cards to make some more money. Sometimes he won big, other times he lost hard.

But at least he wasn't alone. Along the way, Billy crossed paths with Jesse, an older, more weathered individual with a cynical outlook on life. Jesse and his circle shared this perspective, yet Jesse saw a reflection of himself in Billy. Taking him under his wing, Jesse offered his help wherever he could.

Silver City was still a sprouting town, with newer businesses opening all the time. One of those businesses was a saloon, indistinguishable from the other dusty timber buildings around. But on the entire way over, Jesse was trying to talk the nerves out of Billy. He had reluctantly agreed to join up with Jesse's cattle rustling ring, he desperately needed the money after all. Joe had caught consumption, it was just another expense piling on top of all the other expenses his family had accumulated.

"Don't look so spooked, Billy," Jesse slapped him on the back, "You look like I'm taking you to you're fuckin' execution,"

"I'm not spooked," Billy assured him, but on the inside he truly was. He'd never been involved in any type of criminal behaviour, and while he knew it was wrong, he was also extremely desperate.

"You gotta get a better poker face," Jesse chuckled, "Don't worry. I'm gonna introduce you to a friend of mine,"

"What friend?"

Jesse's smirk only got wider, "You'll see,"

They strolled into the saloon, already filled with dusty, gnarly cowpoke, the distinctive smell of bitter whiskey and smoke immediately filled Billy's nose. There were a couple girls standing over card tables, watching with lacklustre while the men played silently. The energy at the bar was matched, men drunk and rambling amongst each other while bartenders poured and sweated over his glasses.

Jesse and Billy took up a spot at the bar, and Jesse gave a sharp, short whistle to get one of the bartender's attention. He motioned for two glasses of whatever they had.

"So, where's this friend of yours?" Billy asked, dark eyes darting across the crowded room.

Jesse took a brief look around as well, his smile growing when he spotted his friend, "Over here," he pointed out a young woman clearing empty glasses from a poker table. Her back was turned to them, her hair tied up tight in a ponytail, small and petite but she moved quickly.

Jesse led Billy over, "Billy, I'd like for you to meet my girl, Ellie," he grinned.

The woman turned around, her eyes rolling as she turned; and as she did, Billy swore his heart may stop.

"Jesse, how many times do I have to tell ya to stop telling everyone I'm your girl --?" Eleanor's words stopped short when she laid eyes on Billy, any inch of vexation in her suddenly vanished, leaving way for only disbelief.

Billy was equally stunned. Of all the places he'd hoped to find Eleanor again, this saloon certainly wasn't one of them. He had so many questions, how did she get here? How did she know Jesse? And what did she possibly have to do with cattle rustling?

Jesse was hardly the wiser to either of their shock as he continued talking, "Oh, come on Ellie, ya know I say it with the most respect and admiration or ya,"

Eleanor quickly resolved herself of her stupor and picked up her tray of empty glasses, "That's you all over, innit' Jesse? A perfect gentleman to every woman in town," she huffed, "Erm -- who's your friend?"

Play dumb, got it.

Billy nearly jolted as Jesse slapped him on the back, "This here is Billy. I'm taking him under my wing, so to speak," he grinned.

Eleanor scoffed, looking to Billy again, "And may God have mercy on your soul. Aren't you a bit young to be a cattle rustler?" she asked him.

Billy finally found his voice again, clearing it briefly as he spoke, "Aren't you a bit young to be working a saloon?"

"Touché. I'm Eleanor... or you can call me Ellie," she nodded to him.

"Billy," they all suddenly turned when a bartender shouted out.

"Ellie! I need them glasses lickety split!" he called, "I don't pay you to chat to the customers!"

"I'm coming, David! Keep your britches on!" she started for the bar, turning to the boys briefly as she muttered, "Meet me behind the building in ten minutes. Oh, and Jesse -- you're paying for those drinks this time,"

Jesse simpered, "Yes ma'am," and they watched her go back behind the bar.

Billy took a nervous sip of his whiskey, the singeing after taste barely left a burn on his mounting curiosity.

Sure enough, ten minutes later the three were cloistered in the shadowy alley, away from any prying eyes or ears. They had to be quick before Eleanor's boss would notice she was missing.

"Here," she threw a map at Jesse, "The cattle are gon' be on the North-East side of the property, just out by the forest. You'll have plenty a' cover there. But you gotta' move fast: there's two minutes in between shift change with the guards,"

"You don't gotta worry," Jesse assured her, "We'll be in and out before they know what hit 'em,"

"Good. Now, how about my money?" Eleanor's gaze darted between Jesse and Billy, her expression unreadable.

Jesse leaned back, a smirk playing on his lips, "Don't worry, darlin', you'll get your cut. Just as soon as our business is complete," he replied, a hint of menace underlying his words.

Eleanor's jaw clenched, but she maintained her composure, "I expect nothing less," she retorted, her tone firm, "Now get outta' here, before someone sees me talking to you,"

Jesse laughed, "You're too uptight, Ellie. We should go riding together sometime," he tilted his hat down, his eyes darkening, "Might relax ya,"

A familiar feeling swirled in Billy's chest: disdain, distrust, perhaps even a hint of possessiveness. He didn't like how close Jesse was getting, and given the unamused glare on Eleanor's face he understood that she didn't take too kindly to his advances either.

"You know the deal, Jesse," she drawled back, "I'd hate to have to tell the boss that you or any of the guys were giving his spy a hard time,"

And with that, Jesse put his hands up and stepped back, "You made your point. I'll have your money by the end of the week,"

"Alright," she looked to Billy again, "Don't get yourself killed," and she extended her hand to him.

"I'll try my best," Billy forced a brief smile, shaking her hand while taking the piece of paper she had clenched in her palm. He shoved the paper into his pocket before Jesse could catch on.

Eleanor left without another word, her icy exterior faltering the moment she had her back turned. Her heart raced, her knees tingled with every step she took. She had only dreamed about the day she might find Billy again, she just didn't realize how he'd be so wrapped up in her business.

Billy walked with Jesse, the note still clenched tightly within his pant pocket. He was ever so curious to read it, but he saw the way Jesse looked at Eleanor; he didn't want to get in between anything that didn't involve him.

"She's cold as ice, but she's smart as a whip," Jesse sighed, "We've made good money off her,"

"She's... pretty intense," Billy muttered, "Doesn't seem to like you very much,"

Jesse laughed under his breath, "She likes to put on a hard edge. Fact is that girl owes me her life," he then looked to Billy, his attitude turned cocky and cold, "... and she knows that," he started walking towards his boarding house, "I'll come get ya in the morning, get some sleep,"

"Alright," and he watched him walk away. Billy waited until Jesse had disappeared around the next building before he pulled out Eleanor's note. There was no message, just a building name and a time scrawled in pretty writing.

The Imperial Hotel stood grand and imposing, a beacon in Silver City, its doors welcoming a steady stream of transient souls. Eleanor stood beneath the awning, wrapped in a shawl against the evening chill, her brimmed hat shielding her eyes. She lifted her gaze at the sound of approaching footsteps on the gravel.

Billy's figure emerged from the shadows, his steps measured and wary, illuminated by the soft glow of scattered lanterns and moonlight. Eleanor stepped out from the building, she felt as though she was in the presence of an approaching ghost. She hadn't seen him in a year, yet he looked different. Weathered and worn.

"My god," she gaped, "You look like shit,"

Billy scoffed back, "Why, thank you. I feel like shit," he smiled nevertheless. Eleanor smiled back, it was the first time today she felt relatively... happy.

The hotel clerk was down for the night so Eleanor invited him inside. Billy noted how she didn't have much with her, the bed spread hardly appeared to be touched. He took a seat in a miscellaneous chair while Eleanor poured two glasses of bourbon.

"David couldn't pay my wage one day, so he paid me in whiskey," she sighed, handing him one of the glasses, "Straight from his 'private collection'. Cheap old bastard,"

Billy took a sip from his glass, the taste was bitter and burned while he nostrils became singed from the strong scent. Nevertheless he watched Eleanor take a seat on the bed, kicking off her boots and folding her legs like a young child.

"So, what brings you to Silver City?" she asked.

Billy shook his head, "You want the short version or the long version?" he asked.

"Whichever is less likely to cause you a headache," she said.

So Billy summed up... well... everything. Carlos was murdered, Antrim was a fraud, money was drying up so they had to move on. His mother was slaving away at a new restaurant, his step-dad was a penniless deadbeat, and his little brother had fallen very ill. Hence why he was entertaining Jesse and this cattle rustling business so he could get medicine for Joe.

Eleanor watched him talk, she noted how deflated he became the more he talked, he was missing that spark of mischief and optimism when they'd first met. He was so beaten down, scraping at the sides of the barrel trying to make his way back up. She felt for him, couldn't imagine the kind of shit he'd had to put up with.

"Jesus Christ," she shook her head, "I'm so sorry,"

He shrugged back, "It ain't got nothing to do with you. Ma says God has a plan for all of us, whether or not it's long or short... it's not up to us,"

"But it doesn't change the fact that he's your little brother, he deserves a chance to grow up, just like you," she replied.

Oh, he knew. He knew damn well how unfair it all was. Joe never did anything to hurt anyone, so why was he suffering so?

"Yeah, I know," he muttered, wanting to change the subject, "What about you?" Billy then asked, leaning forward in his chair, "How did you get here?"

She sipped her drink, pondering how much to tell, how much to leave out. Overall, she had traveled from town to town, living on whatever provisions she could scrape up while trying to survive as a single woman in the blistering terrain. She'd been approached, propositioned, threatened, nearly robbed how many times, and every time she dodged out of the fire until she got to Silver City.

"Jesse found me sitting outside the hotel down the street; they wouldn't let me board unless I had a man to escort me," she explained, "He offered me a job, a place to stay, I was desperate so I said yes,"

"What came first? The saloon or the ranch?" he asked.

"The ranch. Billy Matthews needed a care woman to do the cleaning, cook for this cowboys, and Jesse and his gang needed an insider who knew where the cattle were gonna' be," she replied.

"S'pose you're lady-like enough you can actually get away with it," Billy noted, a small, teasing grin tugging at his lips.

Eleanor rolled her eyes, "I suppose so," she simpered, "The saloon came later, a fall back just in case something... happened. It's a good cover for passing information,"

"And it affords this place?" he asked, wagging his finger around the room.

"I'm in town three nights a week. The rest of 'em I live out on the county line," she replied.

"County line?"

"Lincoln county," Eleanor glanced out the window, the town near-pitch black under the rain of subtle stars, "Jesse and 'em have a house out there. No one knows, no one checks on 'em. Kind of like a secret lair of sorts," she chuckled at the end.

"And they keep you safe?" Billy asked.

"Yeah," she nodded, "They're all outlaws and criminals, but they've shown me more decency than any man ever has. Barring yourself, of course,"

Billy tried to smile, but he couldn't help but sense the deflection in Eleanor. She was grateful to be alive, for the money she had and for how Jesse took care of her, but she didn't seem happy. Happy with life, herself. Billy only saw her truly happy once, no worries and at ease in his old home, tossing cards at each other and staring at the stars.

He came to sit beside her on the bed, staring out at the sky just like she was. The night glistened in silver dots, there was not a soul to be had on the streets below, and beyond the town the horizon of the desert called, beckoning to be explored for new adventures.

"What do you want, Eleanor?" he asked, his tone soft and cautious, "In life?"

She sighed softly, turning her gaze to meet his, "I want to step outside and not have to feel the urge to look over my shoulder all the damn time," she replied.

"Is the captain still looking for you?" Billy asked.

"I guess so. I haven't heard anything. But I also don't want to give anyone the power to hold... things over me," her gaze was dark, her deflection growing. Though Billy had a feeling she was talking about him, maybe that was why she didn't want Jesse to know about them?

"What about you, Billy? What do you want in life?"

Billy didn't have to think very hard about that one, "A good night's sleep," he said, "Because if I can sleep, I know I'm not worried about anything,"

Billy and Eleanor sat in silence, their breaths mingling in the stuffy room air. Billy’s mind raced with the reckless notion of grabbing Eleanor's hand and running away, leaving behind the suffocating constraints of their lives without a care. Meanwhile, Eleanor couldn't tear her eyes away from him, marveling at the way the moonlight highlighted his sharp features, his eyes sparkling with a warmth that made her heart flutter. She yearned to bridge the gap between them, to taste the promise of his lips, but the moment felt fragile, precarious. So, instead of voicing her desire, she pointed to the sky, her voice barely a whisper as she asked:

"Can we see Orion's Belt from here?" Her question hung in the air, a delicate thread connecting them, while the words they truly wanted to say remained locked inside.

Billy snapped out his train of thought, immediately sitting up and glancing out the window, "Yeah," he pointed off in the distance, "Those three stars, the little bright cluster. You see it?"

Eleanor nodded, though peripherally she kept her gaze on Billy, "Yeah, yeah I see it,"

Sure enough, Jesse came to get Billy the next morning. Billy was a ball of nerves all day, right up until he rode with Jesse to the edge of the forest and met up with another group of men. This was Jesse's gang, ten or thirteen brutish men, hankies drawn over their noses, whips and guns holstered to their belts. And while they were at first skeptical of Billy's appearance and know how, they let him join in.

Billy kept his focus as sharp as possible, but he couldn't shake the notion that this was the gang, the group of thugs that were taking care of Eleanor. As they yipped and herded the cattle along, Billy could just spot Matthews' ranch house off down the hill. He could picture Eleanor in his mind, peaking through the window, watching him and the others make off with the herd in the blink of an eye. And they were fast enough that they got away with it without so much as a twig snap of trouble.

And while the money Billy was paid was good, it wasn't enough to make a difference. Joe was too far gone, and in only another week he passed away. Kathleen was devastated, and despite her justification for God's plan, watching her youngest son be buried only made her more heartsick. Billy wanted to stay as strong as he could for her, that being said he was angry. Angry that Joe was taken so soon, angry at himself for not getting the medicine in time. Angry at Antrim for showing up at the last moment to beg and make his case for how he was a changed man. The only relief he had was finally being able to kick Henry Antrim out of their lives once and for all.

Despite his grief, Billy still had work to do, bills to pay. He continued running rustling jobs with Jesse for money, all the while practicing his shooting out in the fields. Jesse was much more of a practiced gunslinger, but even he had to admit Billy was a great shot. As far as he knew, Jesse didn't know about a thing between Billy and Eleanor. And while he doubted he would ever hurt Eleanor, he knew how rough Jesse could be, he didn't want to put either of them in a position to be hurt.

On his off days, Billy would go down to the saloon to see her, just talk to her. It was relaxing, she was relaxing to be around. They talked as if no time had passed; Eleanor would spill some of the gossip about the saloon's patrons while Billy would tell her the stories that he'd picked up on his travels. It got to the point Billy's visits would be the absolute highlight of her day, a shred of flickering happiness within her weary spirit.

Things turned rough yet again when Billy learned of his mother's sickness. Consumption, just like Joe. And while Kathleen was a devout catholic woman, even she professed how she wasn't ready to go yet. Billy shut down more and more, devoting his time to care for his mother, to make sure he was comfortable and at ease. He stopped coming to the rustles, stopped seeing Eleanor. All that mattered to him was his mother, she was the only family he had left. But just like his dad, just like Joe, his mother slipped away too.

Billy was the only one left now.

He wasn't the same, and despite Jesse's coaxing, despite Eleanor's promising that he would be alright, Billy didn't feel alright. He felt desperate, alone, and without many options. So, when Jesse offered him to help rob the home of Chinese family, Billy took his chances. It would be one job. One quick job to get him started, and then he'd pick up the piece from there.

Of course, no job ever went smoothly, and soon enough, Billy found himself in court, being sentenced for armed robbery. Eleanor sat in the back, her heart heavy and breaking as the verdict was read. Billy wasn't a criminal; he wasn't like Jesse. Jesse, the coward who couldn't even bother to try and save Billy, left him in that house alone at gunpoint. Eleanor's grief for Billy quickly morphed into anger —anger at Jesse's stupid plans, anger at Billy for being so easily influenced, and anger at the judge, who she knew was fully on the take.

Eleanor wasn't sure what to do from here, so she did what she was used to: keep her head down and work until she could move on. It was the way her life went; she found her people, got comfortable, and then something would happen to uproot her. Billy was going to spend the next three years in jail, and she wasn't content to slave away in Billy Matthews' ranch for that long. She wasn't quite sure what she wanted, but she was sure she wasn't going to find it in Silver City.

She said goodnight to David and started back to the hotel, the quiet night wrapping around her like a comforting blanket. The soft glow of lanterns cast long shadows on the deserted street, and the faint smell of smoke from nearby fireplaces filled the crisp air. The only sounds were the gentle rustle of leaves in the breeze and the distant hoot of an owl, making her footsteps seem unusually loud. As she walked, Eleanor couldn't shake the heavy thoughts of Billy, but the serene surroundings offered a small measure of solace.

"Ellie," she stopped dead in her tracks, turning to find Jesse leaning against an awning post, hat missing, hands deep in his pockets, a solemn look on his face.

"Jesse," she muttered with disdain, "What do you want?"

He stepped out from the shadows, his lean figure illuminated by the pale moonlight. "I guess you heard about Billy."

She scoffed bitterly, "Yeah, I heard. Heard how you left him for dead on the Chinaman's floor. Nice work, hero." She turned on her heel and kept walking. Jesse followed her.

"Well, it was either one of us or both of us," he caught up to her. "I thought he was right behind me!"

"And he wasn't, was he?" she huffed back. "That's just you all over, Jesse. I wish you'd told me what you were doing so I could talk your dumb asses out of it!"

"Well, I wish you'd told me about you and Billy, and yet here we are," he hissed back.

She stopped again, whipping around to glare at his smug expression. "What are you on about?"

"I know Billy comes to see you. I see him do it. I see how different you've been since I brought him to you," he dropped his voice to a gravelly whisper.

Eleanor rolled her eyes. "Whatever you think is going on in your feeble little mind, drop it. Nothing is happening, not with me and Billy, and certainly not between us!"

Jesse's gaze turned cold. "I saved you. You'd be dead if it weren't for me, Ellie."

"Oh, don't flatter yourself. This is not about us!" she snapped.

"What's it about then?" Jesse asked.

"We have a working relationship, that's as far as it goes!" Eleanor exclaimed. "You did with me what you do with everyone: bring new people into the gang and train them, protect them. You didn't protect Billy. You failed him, Jesse. Now he's gonna spend the next three years chipping jib rock and fighting over bread rolls with other inmates. Congratulations."

She turned to leave again, but Jesse moved quickly. He grabbed her by the arm and yanked her back. "Hey!"

"Don't you walk away from me, woman!" he seethed.

"Let go of me!" Eleanor growled, her mouth agape, eyes wide with rage.

"Or what?"

"Or I'll scream so fuck'n loud I'll wake up God himself!"

Despite his anger, Jesse knew how devious and petty Eleanor could be. He begrudgingly let her go, sniffling and wiping his nose from the cold. "I don't want to fight with you, Ellie. You know I care about you."

"… I know," Eleanor conceded. "What do you want from me?"

"I'm sorry I grabbed you," he nodded. "I'm just… you're right. I failed Billy. I haven't been able to stop thinking about him," he wandered over, kicking at the dirt and rocks. "He's like a little brother to me, ya know?"

"I do know," Eleanor nodded, her voice calmer, demeanor gentler. "I could see how you guys worked together. But being a brother and friend means protecting your own. Billy's not ready for this kind of life, Jesse."

Jesse shook his head, his gaze softening. "No one's ever ready, but we don't have a choice," he replied. "I'll come see you tomorrow. Let me know where Matthews is moving the cattle." He started walking away.

Eleanor watched silently, the tension, pent-up rage, and frustration melting away into a deep, aching sadness. She knew Jesse better than he knew himself, knew how much he was blaming himself for this. She should have seen it too, should have warned Billy not to fall in with Jesse. But even she couldn’t have predicted how things would unfold.

She looked up at the night sky, her eyes finding the familiar cluster of stars that made up Orion’s Belt. It was said to symbolize the eternal resting place of Osiris, and she wondered if the rest of the stars were other souls at peace. Maybe her mother was up there, staring down at her. Maybe Kathleen was watching her eldest son falter at the hands of poor influences.

Eleanor wasn’t a religious woman, but she said a silent prayer to those stars. Was she expecting an answer? Certainly not. Was she hoping for some shred of a miracle to get her out of this mess? Just maybe.

[shankss-magnificent-ass]

OP character catching you drawing them: Crocodile

I had forgotten how daddy Crocodile is. And this was going to be a Crocodile and Marco, but it got a bit long, so I'm posting crocodady's part as a stand alone.

The air was tense as you glared at Crocodile, only thing heard in the room was the ticking of the tall grandfather clock in the corner and the irritated scratching of his fountain pen against paper. He sat at his desk, and you sat across the room on his office couch. Crocodile and you had had two fights that day. That morning the bastard had canceled your plans for a trip to the beach in favor of doing paperwork. Even though he promised the two of you would go together after he's cancelled plans with you for three weeks straight. So that was the first fight, a small one that didn't really bother you.

The fight that had led to your anger resulted from you trying to go back to your apartment. He insisted you stay the night, swearing that he'd make the beach trip up to you with something even better. But when you expressed that you just wanted to go home to draw, blocked the exit with sand. You reached forward and started to push a sculpture off his coffee table.

The shrill squeaks of the metal against the marble tabletop made him look up at you over the top of his glasses. "Really? "

"Yes," you respond curtly as you nudge it closer to the edge.

"You know what, glare at me, and break all of my stuff that you want to, but..." Crocodile groused, pointing his cigar at you, "it won't change my mind."

You huffed and flop back into the couch, "I know, but at least give me something to do.

"You said you wanted to draw, here," he growled, yanking a stack of paper out of a drawer, and gestured to the pencil cup on his desk. "Amuse yourself for an hour, and I'll show you a night you'll never forget." You pursed your lips, walked over and took the papers. Crocodile sighed, "thank you," as you sat in the chair opposite his, and fished through the pencil cup.

Fort five minutes later Crocodile flopped back in his chair, and stretched. He was finally finished with his work, which meant his time and attention were all yours. The man glanced over at you, you were still too absorbed in your drawing to notice that he had finished. He was surprised and amused when he watched to dip your fingers into his ashtray and use them on your drawing.

To him, you were inspirational, you made him think about things in different ways.

Like he never would have considered his cigar ashes as something as anything other than trash. But you saw them and used them to shade your drawing. Although Crocodile mostly used his new outlook to cause havoc, acquire funds, and to try to figure you out. It was one of the many things Crocodile liked about you. And not that he'd admit it aloud, but it made him want to be a little like you.

You yipped in surprise when he leaned forward and pulled the pages out of your hands.

You could feel his voice rumble in your chest when he purred, "you were drawing my hands?"

" ....no."

"You're a bad liar, why did you draw just my hands?"

"Hands are hard to draw, but yours are quite fun to draw."

Crocodile's ego swells when he hears this as he examines the lovingly detailed drawing of his hand on the page. They looked big and strong. He was also deeply flattered you would use him as your subject.

"Really? Sorry I only have one of them for you to draw." He says as he grins, hoisting his big gold hook aloft, in an attempt to cover his embarrassment from you.

You laughed and shook your head, "You know I've always adored your hook."

Crocodile stood to his feet, made his way around his mahogany desk. He slid his hook round the back of your neck, making you look up at him, and he purred"You do, do you?"

When you obediently nodded and acknowledged him with a soft hum, he chuckled darkly and pulled you into a kiss.

"If you are ready to leave, would you go grab our coats?" When you disappeared into the closet attached to his office, he scribbled down a note to order art supplies for his office. He hoped that you'd come draw him more often. When you returned, he guided you out of his office with his arm around your waist. Your smile made him decided he'd build you a whole goddamn studio if it meant you used him as your muse.

[a-d-nox]

pac: advice from the universe regarding the next month

i'm trying something new, a pick a card. take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

masterlist of pap/pac posts

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

pile one

you may be feeling like you are lacking or at a loss (you could fear loss as well). there may be something going on monetarily - perhaps you have work stress and fear job loss or something you have invested in is not panning out. try not to focus on what you lack or may lose, instead appreciate what you have in the moment - abundance comes from within. plus you may be overlooking those around you who want to help - do not internalize fears, allow others to help you if they are offering.

"thunder only happens when it's raining" is what i am hearing ("dreams" by fleetwood mac). after storms there is sunshine and sometimes a rainbow - hard times are temporary. adapt your perspective to have a more optimistic outlook - have hope and faith that things will get better. things that have happened in the past are not bound to repeat themselves - if you are healing and being optimistic you are bound to manifest better outcomes.

take swift actions to remain in control. you may get a lot of ideas and thoughts regarding your situation - confront and converse with others to tackle any issue(s) head on. trust all gut instincts to guide you through each step. don't worry about details, simply make a move. be bold and initiate action. you are likely to experience improved communication and clarity in your connections with others when doing so.

pile two

you should be aware of the person with a strong nuturing and dependable attitude - perhaps this person is you. evaluate the quality of the support you give and receive in your life. perhaps your are giving more than you are receiving, or receiving more than you are giving. make sure that you are being generous and appreciative in order to receive from the universe. nurture yourself as well as you nurture others as well. you attract what you put out into the universe oftentimes - so ensure that you are caring for yourself and your space. it's a great time to nurture yourself and the world around you.

you may not know it, but you are stronger than you think. you have everything you could possibly need at your fingertips - with intention and passion you can do anything. you're in your prime ("liquid smooth" by mitski) to manifest anything this month. take action - remember to create balance. never go to extremes.

celebrate yourself; you likely look around and and see people who are more fulfilled or successful than you. BUT reminder: we are all at different stages and on different tracks. you deserve to celebrate yourself and your wins. enjoy small moments with friend and/or family. be grateful for what you do have. feel secure in your overall wellbeing - you are on your way to more success (love, career, and/or personally).

pile three

know that you are your highest self - you know who you are at heart and can/should express yourself accordingly. you are a very emotionally aware of those around you as well as your own feelings - you could be initiating a new romance. be open to new and unexpected messages from those around you (something is coming your way). be sure that you remain playful and creative at this time - follow your intuition and create as you feel inspired. take in the small moments - there you may find inspiration for new things.

try to envision yourself above the situation you are in now. imagine being in control of your situation ("imagine" by john lennon - i feel like you are going through it compared to the other piles/cards) - you are guiding your situation in a hopeful way that is best for you. utilize your gift of manifestation to the fullest to guide you through change. heal and be hopeful of your wonderful future.

you should embrace your alone time - explore your inner realm and figure out who you are and what you want/need. this is a great time to do shadow work. spend alone time to heal and recharge - you will know when it is time to go out and be social again. you are seeking your inner truth and that takes time and space - it is okay to want alone time. mediate, go for a walk, connect with the world around you.

[blackflash9]

AC and the Conundrum of Sequels

So I've noticed a particular trend that paraded many people's minds within the AC community, and that's been the gradual descent into this rather presumptuous mentality that the more sequel games a character has, the more unequivocally 'better' their development is as a character. This is often followed by Ezio used as the poster child.

[Disclaimer: I don't hate Ezio or Bayek, I'm just using them to illustrate my points] While I understand this sentiment, I've also learned that under a more critical lens, a lot in the case of Ezio's supposed "growth" has arguably always been more aesthetical than anything of substance. When we are first introduced to Ezio in AC2, we are already bombarded with a character that is far too perfect. It's hard to think of any genuine flaws in his personality or behavior - especially those that have any lasting consequences for the plot. He never quite makes any mistakes either; it doesn't help that everywhere he goes there's a small army of people desperate to help him out. He also has actual armies willing to help him at the drop of a hat, as well as being best friends with one of the smartest people in human history. His achievements in the plot are all handed to him on a silver platter.

He's never made to learn to do anything for himself. At first, you feel like that could have been the point of the early game. Ezio's father and brothers are dead, he's a wanted man and he needs to protect his mother and sister. Then, instead of trying to get them to safety, he prioritizes a chance for revenge, which suddenly brings the whole city down on him, making it harder to protect his family. The whole thing would then set up a story about Ezio having to grow up, stop being so brash and arrogant, etc. Having been born into luxury and an easy life, he now has to learn how to provide for himself and others. But these opportunities are missed.

When it comes to Ezio's motivations, I always felt like there was no reason for him to continue pursuing the Templars after all the Florentine conspirators were dead. Nor is there any kind of "Creed" or higher calling at play here, since he doesn't remotely know what the Assassins are for another ten years. He just hears that there are some bad guys in Venice and decides to go kill them. By this point, he doesn't have any real reason or motivation to continue hunting them other than his own blood lust. As a result, Ezio often feels like he is a vehicle is that dictated by the plot rather than the other way around.

I mean, only look at the average description for his character arc:  "He went from a young teen to wise master assassin and mentor."  That's all there is to say for most people: arbitrary labels. Rarely do you receive any commentary around here that delves into any shifts within his mindset, outlook, point of view, or anything that isn't just this parroted and outdated take. When we get to Brotherhood, this problem is exacerbated more where Ezio is even more static than he was before (aside from leadership and giving orders), because his arc was already concluded in the game prior where we already spent over twenty years with him where he was already leading people and giving orders. It's just more pointless and reductive padding.

Bayek is another character that normally gets wrapped up in the sequel discussion, but genuinely ask yourself: Is there anything else left to do with Bayek in a sequel? Much like Ezio in AC2, his arc is also pretty much wrapped up by the end of Origins (including the Hidden Ones DLC). He begins looking for revenge for his son's death; takes a stand against the Templars when he realizes the problem is far bigger than just himself; founds the Assassins to fight this corruption. What else is there to really do with the character? His arc's been concluded, it's not even like AC2 where not killing Rodrigo Borgia left a door open for a potential sequel. Any new game would essentially have to come up with a load of new goals and motivations for him to the point you may as well just come up with a new character.

But this is frustrating because we see complete and profound development from characters like Altair in a single game, even before Revelations. He begins as an arrogant jerk who sees himself as better than everyone but slowly becomes a wise individual upon learning from the complexity of his enemies and the contradictions within his own Creed. It's learning from his allies and enemies alike, learning the pros and cons of concepts like freedom and control, about what is gained and lost from acquiring both in life, does he truly become not just a better leader for the brotherhood but a better man.

We also see the same from Connor in a single game. Starting as a naive idealist who wants to fix all the world's problems, only to realize that he'll never be able to do so. The consecutive deconstruction of his naivety through each of his interactions with allies and enemies alike teaches him that the ability to judge right from wrong can sometimes be lost in a world that's presently reluctant to do the same. But through it all, he maintains his faith in his convictions and compromises with what's in his control to forge a better tomorrow for humanity. Altair & Connor reach the same conclusions about life, human nature, and their place within the ongoing struggle in one game, a fraction of the time, as much, if not more than Ezio does in three. Yet, more is needed because we've been spoiled and entitled to more than what was necessary with Ezio. And it's honestly this fixation that holds this series back. Whenever we delve into this topic, I never really feel like the underpinnings behind what sequels actually did for Ezio and his characterization are discussed beyond the surface-level shallow aesthetics, or the ignored light-switch motivations that have made many in the community so insistent that every other character must also have this kind of treatment.

[magic-hcs]

Yoooo, I must say I adore your writing. I read the one where the boys have an argument with their S/O and end up hurting them… I was wondering if we could get a fluffy ending to that… 👉👈

Thank you so much! I'm happy you like my writing! And thank you for being so patient with me and waiting for so long. It's not really a fluffy ending, but an open ending instead with a positive outlook, I hope that works for you as well.

Since most people voted for Charon's part when its finished instead of waiting, I'll be doing that now, but don't worry I'm still working on the others.

You can find part one with Charon here

Charon; Underfell Papyrus

warnings: Hurt/comfort, and i think that's it?

Time to cast some magic and see what we'll get!✨

✨✨

Charon: After the fallout between you, Charon hasn’t seen you in months. More accurately, he has avoided every single place that you could possibly be at like the plague. (If he couldn’t avoid it, Charon would make sure to go only at certain times when he explicitly knew you wouldn’t be there.)

He couldn’t bear to look you in the eyes after what he had done. Unjustly done to you.

And stars did he regret it…

But from that altercation between the two of you there came forth a single silver lining: It was the catalyst for Charon’s decision to go see someone who could help him see what had gone so wrong with the relationship, and how he could learn to better adapt to the surface world. After a few days of research Charon concluded that seeing a therapist would be the best course of action. 

It had not gone as expected…

The first frustrated him to no end, the both of them as the therapist said; “there was no click between us, and thus I believe it is best for us to part ways.” And so they did. Really, the only useful thing the first one provided was the fact that Charon could simply try with a different specialist. That sometimes, it took a few tries before he would find the right professional.  Well, luckily, Charon is nothing if not persistent.

The second one wasn’t it either. The third was down right racist! (speciesist?) So that was a hard and firm No. 

The fourth however, was one Charon was currently satisfied with. She didn’t make him feel stupid, she treated him with respect and in Charon’s opinion knew what she was doing and talking about. Thanks to self reflection - and her helping him find sources that taught him more of the surface world - Charon learned and realized what had gone wrong between the two of you. Learned how to better cope with his issues. (his therapist had told him it was called trauma and very normal for people and monsters to experience after what he had gone through. Charon still has trouble accepting that having them doesn’t make him weak.)

 

Few more months passed and Charon finally felt comfortable enough to go to the places you go to as well. Not fearing the possibility of running into you by chance. (Mostly because now he was prepared. He now knew where he stood, what he would do and say were he to see you again. (Having practiced role plays with his therapist pretending to be you.))

Charon was prepared.

Until he literally bumped into you and stood face to face with your scowl in the park. 

You were not happy to see him.

His nonexistent throat and mouth suddenly became very dry. He can’t help his red eyelights that automatically get drawn to your throat - remembering he had grabbed some part of you in that general direction - subconscious searching for any more but finding none.

You go to turn around when Charon finally finds his voice again. 

“You Were Right.” 

You halt your footsteps. Wide eyes staring at the floor. There was a crack in the voice, a slight air of desperation was in there as well. But it was the clear, open sincerity and especially the remorse that threw you through the hoop the most.  

You took a glance over your shoulder just to make sure that it was really him who said it. 

“What..?”

Charon isn’t standing straight and alert like a soldier would - like you were used to him doing. His chin isn’t pointed to the sky. He’s standing there, almost timid. Eyelights are still directed at you but he’s practically bowing his head slightly down. 

“You Were Right.” He repeats, and you can hardly believe it. 

“I Was In The Wrong.” He added. There was genuine sadness and remorse shining inside his eyelights. And you had never seen him open up like this before.

Despite your mind telling you no, despite your heart that still aches when thinking about him, when looking at him. Despite it all, you give Charon the chance to speak. You would hear him, but that was the only thing you would do.

The two of you had taken a seat on a park bench and Charon had started off with apologizing (although awkwardly.)

He wouldn’t let you try to apologize as well  - even though Charon obviously took the altercation too far, you were to blame as well in your opinion - requesting you to listen until he has explained everything. And you let him. Begrudgingly thinning your lips together.

Charon explained he had been going to a therapist, he’s been unlearning his learned behavior that doesn’t work on the surface, and been working on bettering himself. He conveyed his regret on what he did and how lashed out at you - that he hadn’t meant what he called you and said to you - staring at his hands all the while.

You were happy for him that he was working on improving himself, you said as much. You also accepted the apology but made it clear you didn’t forgive him yet nor felt comfortable continuing your relationship where you left it off.

Charon had broken your trust, your heart, and it wasn’t easily repaired, if at all. 

He had been very understanding of your notion. 

“I’ve Burned Bridges, I Broke Your Trust, I Destroyed A Lot Of Things. But If You Let Me, I Would Like To Start Over Again. Earn Your Trust,” Charon speaks and it’s in a respectful way. It’s different from the way he used to always demand things. Maybe he really changed…or at least is working to change.

“I’ll Accept Whatever Answer You Give me. You Say Yes And I’ll Start Right Now. Say No And This Will Be The Last Time You See Me In Your Life.” There’s a slight tremor in his voice. It’s obvious what he wants to hear from you. He hopes for it, longs for it, you can see it in his eyelights.

But it doesn’t make you feel pressured. 

You ponder over it for a moment or two.

You take a breath. There’s only one way you can answer this right here, right now.

“I need some time to think about it.”

✨✨

✨✨

Thank you for participating in this spell, I hope it was to your satisfaction.

[nori-the-cat]

Hi, can you please say what does wonbin think of aespa ningning and vice versa?

Disclaimer: This post is for entertainment purposes only. Please take it with a grain of salt. I am not responsible for rumours about Wonbin and Ninging. The readings below don't illustrate their life but could give a hint.

Q. What does Wonbin think of Ninging and vice versa?

Hm...the energy is very calm. I think it's because I'm reading it now, so the energy is probably different then. But, it's oddly calm.

Cards: the star, three of swords, and knight of wands.

I think he (Wonbin) fancies her (Ningning) or admires her. It's like a work crush type of situation. I know the rumours about them, but the energy here is not like how the rumours are saying. Rather than that, it feels very quiet. It's like a one-sided crush. It's not serious tho.

It's like he's smitten when he looks at her. I hear "She's so pretty." She's really cute.", "She's really talented". and "Wow, I see why she's a part of Aespa". Yet nothing more. I don't see him making a move towards her. Maybe at some point, he did think something like "Hm, she's my type". But this guy, Wonbin, is not making a move. I don't know why.

How do I say this? Hm, it feels like a college kid's type of love. You know when you look at that popular kid who is friendly and approachable and you want to approach them but you're too shy? This is the energy that I'm getting from Wonbin.

I think he might have heard about her before "the award ceremony" (you know which one I'm talking about) and when the opportunity is met, he decides to look at her.

Wonbin sees Ningning as a talented and inspiring individual, someone he admires for her dedication and stage presence (the star).

Hm...did he try to talk to her tho? I feel like he did try to talk to her. It's like the member of RIIZE tried getting closer to Aespa, but these girls are drawing their boundries.

Like I said, it's very one-sided. Wonbin keeps his true thoughts about Ningning hidden, possibly due to shyness or because their positions as idols limit their interactions (three of swords).

It feels like he's a fan of her and more like a work crush behaviour (knight of wands). I think she inspires me to be a better idol and probably makes himself want to be a "great" performer because of her. Safe to say she motivates him.

The energy in this reading stronger on Wonbin's side.

What does Aespa Ningning think of Wonbin?

Ningning, on the other hand, sees him nothing more than a co-worker or a fellow colleague at SM Entertainment.

Cards: the star, six of swords, and knight of wands.

It looks like Aespa and RIIZE have met a couple of times. Ningning's thoughts of Wonbin is pretty solid, but nothing more than professionalism.

In the context of Ningning's thoughts, the star card suggests she views Wonbin as someone who works hard, is idealistic, and optimistic. Perhaps she sees him as someone with a positive outlook and a dreamer, similar to her own aspirations.

I also think she knows something about Wonbin or maybe the situation that is happening to RII7E. She kinda feels bad. In this reading, six of swords was pulled out after the star. This card could indicate that Ningning sees Wonbin as someone going through a period of change or personal growth. She might admire his courage in navigating these challenges.

I think the Aespa girls knows what's going on with RII7E or at least have an idea. I say this because I hear chattering or gossiping from the girls. I think they talk about the boys a lot and they pity them. They feel bad. So, it is likely that Ninging feels bad about the situation and wishes for him to persevere.

Finally, with the king of wands, she has an idea of what Wonbin's personality is like, but she chooses not to go further into getting to know him. It's like "Oh, that's enough for me to know". This doesn't necessarily indicate a negative view, but rather a nuanced understanding of his personality.

Overall, it's a mutual admiration between two co-workers or work colleagues.

[generouskittentidalwave]

Milo Murphy's law, holy shit

HOLY CHEESE N CRACKERS, I HATE SOCIETY BECAUSE OF YOU PEOPLE

LISTEN, LISTEN, SIT DOWN AND *LISTEN*

I was watching a popular video on YouTube about Milo Murphy's Law, now despite the people in the comments having a collective trauma boner they can't get rid of, yes I said what I said and you'll know why, everyone OUTSIDE of that confined space actually agrees it's a funny, happy, underrated show.

BUT OML YOU PPL IN NEED TO GET A GRIP CAUSE HOL-Y SHIT YOU PPL NEED *THERAPY*

Because in that comment section everyone was complaining that "Oh Milo doesn't care about the stuff going on around him" and "It would be so much better if he was constantly filled with anxiety" or "I always wanted him to break down and cry about the things going on around him" or "he should feel guilty about the things going on around him and have a breakdown"

No, NO, STFU, RESPECTFULLY MIND YOU, BUT STFU, THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS AND I'M TIRED OF IT

Milo cares, he clearly does as in every episode he's helping everyone after mistakes get made because of the jinx out of his own kindness, even going out of his way to do his best to avoid stuff. He's just happy and positive and nonchalant about the outrageous comedic calamity that follows him wherever he goes not because he doesn't care but because he's dealt with it since birth, he stays optimistic and prepared as that's all you can really do. Being upset constantly, although justified, would not help or fix anything. If you made him constantly sad, guilty, and depressed constantly over the things he can't control (mind you he has gotten upset because of it before, multiple times) then that would ruin the whole message of the show and of Milo's character that Dan tried to display. Which is that things are gonna happen sometimes that are out of your control, but what matters is making the most of it and enjoying the things in life as they come. As even when they are bad, that doesn't take away the good that can happen. It's okay to get upset over things out of your control, but sometimes the only thing you can do is make the most of what you have and find enjoyment through the daily life of chaos.

But NOOO ppl would rather have this literal happy optimistic child in a hilariously chaotic and shitty situation be constantly depressed, on edge, anxiety ridden and guilty because if we can't be happy in that situation then they can't be either, and in the words of Milo Murphy "Does that sound like more fun to you?"

SO yeah, if you are trying to make something dark and depressing to be more relatable then take a good, HARD, look at yourself and revaluate. This child should NOT be upset because nothing that happens around him IS HIS FAULT. It's, let me repeat, literally OUT OF HIS CONTROL. And yet he STILLS helps everyone around him constantly DESPITE THAT.

We gotta stop getting upset at realistically positive characters in shitty situations and immediately getting upset that they have an optimistic outlook where we wouldn't. That's not to say don't take every situation not-seriously when it's needed (Which they have taken serious situations seriously and respectfully mind you), but for the love of god people need to stop self projecting. We all have our own traumas, and it can be validating seeing someone in your same shoes, but that doesn't mean every happy character needs to be as upset as we are.

Maybe, just maybe, they can serve as a happy reminder that, no matter what comes your way, sometimes there can be good found in even the craziest and shitty situations. That maybe, just maybe, we all need a bit of fun and happiness and optimisim in our lives because bad things are always going to happen that's out of your control. But what matters is focusing on the good in our lives.

Also before you say "WeLl It Was SaId Milo Wouldn't WaNT a CuRe foR MurPhy'S laW-" No, Milo's best friend assumed he wouldn't want that, that's not saying he wants to keep it because he likes it and will let ppl suffer because of that, but it was literally stated, and displayed in many other shows that use Murphy's law in a literal sense, that the "cure" for Murphy's law is literally passing it on elsewhere or onto someone else, and that was literally stated in the show too later on. Milo wouldn't want that and Melissa knows it. She also knows if there was a cure, they would've found it already, which means there is a reason why they still have this curse. Murphy's law is who he is, and him having it keeps it from affecting someone else, even if it causes problems he tries to see the good in having it around.

(And P.S., before you say "BuT tHe PaF Crossover MaDe ThIngS-", NOPE GET THAT, ALTHOUGH UNDERSTANDABLE OPINION, OUTTA HERE. It's a Dan run show, he's gonna do crossovers, he's gonna connect the two together and Doof being brought back as the fun uncle in the house with a platypus friend is amazing. You don't have to like it, but you gotta accept that others do.)

So, people, as a society, DO BETTER