#i've had these in the drafts forever whatever just be free

[sangre]

And for the last night I lie Could I lie next to you?

[hopefullhearts]

Spin You Around. [Scott Miller x f!reader]

summary: Could be read as a prequel to 'Sickeningly Sweet' or as a standalone fic! Reader is Tyler's childhood best friend and marketing guru, and she is a total southern belle ray of sunshine. Scott is Scott. The tension goes crazy. Especially, when dancing is involved.

content warnings: only one use of y/n (it was unavoidable forgive me pls), very bad writing because it's 1 am and I barely proofread this. alcohol consumption and lots of dancing!

word count: 1.9k

a/n: I have other fics in my drafts with other characters but Scott is just so easy to write for me that the words pour out. so here ya go!

--

The storms that you and the team had come out to chase had ended up dying out, but it was far too late in the afternoon to head back to Arkansas. This left you all with a free Saturday night in a small town in the middle of the Kansas, and you had hatched a great plan on how to spend it.

"Hey Tyler!" You approached him with your phone in hand. "I found this bar about 10 minutes from here. Says online they have a dance floor. You thinking what I'm thinking?"

His smile immediately mirrors yours. "Absolutely, darling."

You squealed with excitement. "It's been forever since we went dancing! And, I already know what I'm going to wear. I had a hunch about us having a night off so I brought this one dress that-"

Your rant was cut off by the roar of several white trucks pulling into the motel parking lot. Storm Par, of course, always seeming to follow you, meaning they would likely have the night off as well.

Tyler could see the wheels in your head turning. "You think they would even want to come? I think they're incapable of having fun."

Your head snapped toward him. "How did you know I was going to invite them?"

"Intuition maybe?" He shrugged with a smirk.

"Whatever." You shoved his shoulder with yours. "I'm sure they have nothing to do anyways, and it would be polite to invite them."

Tyler gasped, mocking you. "And God forbid we not be polite."

You walked away, approaching Javi as he got out of his truck, flipping Tyler off as you did so, which was met with a hearty laugh from him.

"Javi!" You caught the man's attention. "Shame that these storms died out, huh?"

"Yeah. Hurts our data collection but I'm happy to have a night off."

"Well, I am just so glad you said that." Your grin spreading from ear to ear.

"Uh-oh. That smile is a little scary. What you got planned?" Javi joked with you.

"Me and the gang are going dancing at-" You looked at your phone again to check out the place's info. "Silver Saddle Saloon. Any chance you and your boys would be interested in joining us?"

"That sounds like a good time, honestly." He smiled, genuinely charmed by your invitation. "I'll ask around and see if anyone is down. But count me in for sure."

"Count you in for what?" You heard a deeper voice ask from behind you, and you didn't have to turn around to see who it was.

You chose to ignore how the tone of his voice sent a chill down your spine and caused a flutter in your stomach.

"(Y/n) was just inviting us to join her and her friends at a saloon nearby for some dancing." Javi filled him in. "You interested?"

"No. I've got work to do tonight." He said coldly and you finally looked him in his eyes.

"Oh, c'mon, you can take one night off." You insisted, unsure of why you wanted him to come so badly.

"Maybe that's how it works in hillbilly land, but I actually have real work to do." He responded quickly, his witty remark clearly intending to hurt you.

However, you refused to let him break your spirit. It was your way of not backing down from the fight. But, you figured it wouldn't hurt to try out a new tactic.

"Is that so?" You challenged. He gave you a nod in response, urging you on. He could see in your eyes you had something else to say. "No, no, no. I don't think that's it. I think that you can't dance."

Scott scoffed. It was the most reaction you think you had ever gotten out of him. "I can dance."

"I don't believe you." You teased, enjoying how his cheeks turned even just a tiny shade of pink. "I think you have two left feet and you're too scared to show us."

"I can dance. I just have better things to do tonight." Scott insisted, hating that he was too distracted by how cute you looked to come up with a smartass response.

"Sure." You dragged out the 'e', exposing the delightful southern charm in your voice that made his heart thump. "Well, Javi, I'll see you there. Save me a dance okay?"

And with that, you sauntered off. You carried a new spring in your step from the fact that you got under Scott's skin without being rude. It felt like a victory.

--

That earlier victory felt a lot less meaningful when you were only a beer deep at the bar and already viciously fighting off the urge to glance at the door every five seconds. Thankfully, you were able to ignore your very conflicting feelings with a tequila shot, offered to you by none other than Boone.

You took it quickly with a salt and a lime, slammed the shot glass on the counter, and grabbed his arm.

"Dance with me?" You asked, a gleam in your eyes that made you impossible to say no to (not that Boone wanted to anyways).

"Lead the way, sugar." He replied, letting you drag him along onto the hardwood floor.

You two-stepped around the floor for a few songs, and you thought you were being sneaky by taking peeks at the entrance over Boone's shoulder. But Boone unfortunately knew you better.

No one knew you as well as Tyler did, but Boone was a close second, and you were cursing his ability to read you in this moment.

"You wanna tell me who you're looking for?" Boone snapped you out of your train of thought and caught you red-handed. "Or do I need to guess?"

"I'm not looking for anyone." You lied.

You had always been a horrible liar. It was one of Boone's favorite traits of yours. If he wanted an honest opinion, he could always count on you.

He glared at you, and you sighed in defeat. "Well, I invited the Storm Par guys and none of them have showed up yet."

"And?" He goaded you on.

"And Javi said he would come. And it would be rude of them not to come."

"So you want Javi to show up?"

"Sure." You nodded, hoping Boone would drop it, but timing was not in your favor. All of the sudden, you and Boone saw the door open. Javi walked inside with Scott and a few other Storm Par guys trailing behind him.

Boone studied your reaction as you took in all of them, following your gaze until it clicked, the revelation coming to him almost too easily.

"You wanted Scott to show up, huh?" Boone teased. "And here I thought you liked cowboys."

Your face heated instantly. "I don't like Scott!"

"I never said you did, sweetheart."

"Well-"

"Why did you want Scott to come?" He cut off what he knew would be a long-winded rant of explanations, none of them real.

"I don't know!" You buried your face in his chest in embarrassment. "I told him I didn't think he could dance. A small part of me wanted him to show up and prove me wrong."

Boone audibly laughed, much to your dismay. "Oh that's cute, sugar, real cute."

You groaned even louder, wishing you would melt away into a puddle on the floor.

"I mean, that's like rom-com cute." Boone howled.

After a moment, you pulled away from his chest to look at him, your eyes pleading with him to leave it alone. He saw the helplessness on your face and relented quickly.

He sighed, caving to your puppy dog eyes . "Alright, I'm done."

You breathed out in relief. "Thank you."

The song began to fade out, and Boone brought you out of your spiraling thoughts with a rub up and down your arm. "More tequila?"

Nothing sounded better to you. "Yes, please."

While waiting for your shots at the bar, you were met by Javi and Scott.

"You came!" You smiled at Javi, giving him a hug.

"Had to show you how Storm Par gets down." He hugged you back.

"And how is that?" Boone asked from behind you.

"Like true southern gentlemen." Javi smiled, turning back to you. "Would you like to dance, darling?"

You outright giggled at his overdramatic southern accent, matching it with your own. Ignoring Scott's presence entirely, you replied: "Why I would love to."

And that's how the rest of the night went. You danced with Javi, and then had a drink or two. You took a spin with Tyler and then did another shot with Lily. You did a line dance with Boone and then chugged two waters to stop all the sweating.

Meanwhile, Scott watched you through it all. He felt a little like a creep with the way he was staring at you, but it was physically impossible to not watch you out on the floor with all your friends. A slight bead of sweat running down your neck from the heat of the lights, the brightest smile on your face, and that goddamn dress twirling around you as you spun.

You danced with everyone else, and he tried to ignore the twinge of jealously he felt when Tyler's hand slotted right onto your lower back.

However, he felt less like a creep and a whole lot less jealous when he occasionally caught your eyes over Tyler's shoulder.

You tried not to look at him all night. You knew he was looking at you. You could feel his eyes burning into you everywhere you went, and it lit you on fire. He was wearing a button down that clung to his arms, brown cowboy boots, and Levi's that fit him perfectly. He looked good, and you knew that he knew it.

Finally, with enough liquid courage in your system, small glances across the room stopped being enough, so you chose to approach him.

"So," You slid up next to where he leaned against the bar, beer in hand. "What happened to all those 'better things' you had to do tonight?"

Scott shrugged. "Figured I'd take the night off."

"I haven't seen you on that dance floor all night." You challenged. "Starting to think I was right about my theory."

"Been waiting for the right dance partner." He pushed off the bar and turned to face you, and you physically felt the tension in the air thicken.

"And that's supposed to be me?" You spoke back confidently, hoping he didn't notice how nervous he made you.

"If you want." He said, ever so nonchalantly. "Seems like you've been holding your own with everyone else."

"You been watching me, Miller?" You took the opportunity to strike, already knowing the answer, only because you had been watching him too.

For once, Scott was speechless, and you laughed in response. He hated how much he loved the sound of it, even when you were laughing at him.

"So, you going to dance with me or what?" You raised an eyebrow at him, daring him to make a move.

Scott finished the last sip of his beer, set the glass on the counter, and offered you his hand. You took it and followed his lead out to the dance floor.

Your skin burned red hot as he placed his large hand on your lower back and guided you through the steps. You weren't the smallest of girls, but the way that he lead you on the floor made you feel fully consumed by him, like putty in his hands.

You audibly gasped when he used his hand to lead you into a spin, pulling you back in and dipping you low, pausing to look in your eyes as he held you up.

"I told you, princess. I can dance."

[youalreadyhavefullresults]

the mindset journey

So hi.

My mindset has been evolving a lot ever since I started this journey, and I thought I'd lay it all out in one post. Subliminals, mindless affirming, scripting, visualization, states. I've tried so many things out, and I think I've finally figured out what works for me.

TLDR:

Stop “trying” to manifest or checking the 3d, you already have full results, creation was over like since forever.

Sure you know that you’re God, as the posts and everything you’ve seen tells you, but have you really embraced that internally?

It doesn’t matter how many posts you read, it’s up to you to actually change your mindset.

Logic is literally useless, be delusional (don’t you just wanna go ape-shit :), go get your fucking desires)

Time is not linear, and means nothing when manifesting.

Revision is so powerful, use it.

It’s just so easy guys, please just make sure you’re actually applying the information you see instead of just passively scrolling through.

And the rest is under the cut, happy reading <33

I started off in the subliminal community in Oct 2020 and just had so many limiting beliefs, it was sad. Not to shit on the community or anything, some of them are wonderful people and most of them have changed their mindset as well, but my initial knowledge prevented me from getting to this point until now. But, now I’m here, and a day after I wrote this in my drafts, I literally manifested my ideal life. I originally started this blog to collect advice from loa blogs, but honestly, I don’t need any of it anymore. Though I do like helping people, so if you have any questions, feel free to shoot me an ask.

The Initial Mindset:

I always read through countless posts that say “You’re God” and “You literally can get what you want without even trying.” While I understood the text and adopted the mindset, I still did little subconscious things that contradicted it. While I affirmed my self-concept was perfect, I would also cram-study for exams and worry I would fail. I would say I look perfect, but then also worry about the way my body looked. Also, the way that I literally became obsessed with loa media? I spent hours watching Sammy Ingram videos, looping subliminals, and reading tumblr posts on “how to manifest faster and better”. During this phase of my life, my mind was plagued with intrusive thoughts and my self-concept was slowly getting better, but still absolute shit. I would manifest things here and there, but nothing life-changing.

The main problem however, was the fact that I would treat manifesting like a task I HAD to do. Now that school was back in session, I literally would zone out during specific classes on purpose and just affirm to myself. I would feel bad if I hadn’t listened to my subliminal playlist for the day because I “wasted time in getting my desires”. There’s nothing wrong with vainly affirming or listening to subs if you believe it works, but for me, treating manifesting like a task meant that I was looking for an outcome. Clearly, now I know better, that everything is always done and that there’s nothing to complete, but back then, this was probably the main reason why I struggled to see full results easily. I was acting out of desperation and didn't believe manifestation already was done.

When Everything Changed:

I know that it’s different for everyone, but my “aha!” moment was probably when I read this post. Seriously, go read it, it made me realize that I was going about it all wrong. Now, it wasn’t learning how to perfect my manifesting, it was learning to pull out the tiny limiting beliefs that had burrowed its way into my subconscious.

For example,

“I need to do xyz so that I can get my manifestations.”

Why would I would need to do anything if I already have all of my manifestations hmm? It’s literally already done. Like there’s no need to put in that effort into something that’s already perfect right? So why do I need to even need to try? I literally get whatever tf I want without even trying. This doesn’t mean that every method out there is useless, but in the end, you are the one doing the manifesting, not the method.

“But... this makes absolutely no logical sense! How would this even work?”

I know that STEM me loves finding the logic behind everything, so that’s why I struggled a lot with the logic and time aspect. But darling, it doesn’t need to make sense. There are literally so many things in the world that scientists to this day can’t explain, including just how powerful and complex your brain is. Not to mention the fact that concepts such as logic and science are literally man-made too? What’s the point in trying to deal with logic? Just let go and have fun.

“I affirmed so hard, and I believed it. But then it never showed up when the time came.”

First off, your time spent affirming means nothing, sorry to break it to you. It’s about the mindset(your state if you will) you currently exist in that truly makes a difference. And just because it didn’t show up today doesn’t mean that you missed your window of opportunity. Revision is still manifesting, because time is not a linear concept. Anything at any time can just change with a snap of your fingers. You want to change all of your test scores? Bam, it’s done. you wish WW2 never happened? Bam, it’s done. You want to relive the past 5 years of your life? Bam, it’s done. It doesn’t matter what the event is, what time it is, or that you “didn’t do it before the deadline”. Whenever you do get it(which is instant/soon if you're persisting properly), it will be there, seamlessly blended in with your 3d. You don’t need to worry about a damn thing, your subconscious will take care of everything for you.

“Oh no! I just had intrusive thoughts, did I just mess up my manifestations?”

Why are you giving intrusive thoughts the power to do anything? Sure, you may get them, but that doesn’t mean that they have any effect on you. It’s the doubt they make you feel in your mindset that truly messes it up. Don’t give in. Acknowledge the thought, accept that it literally means nothing, and continue to persist. Your thoughts only have the power you give them.

“Nah, everyone has to be lying, this doesn’t seem real.” / ”Manifesting must just be a coincidence, there’s no way this is real.”

Oh? So you’re saying, the amount of posts you’ve seen, all of the success stories, all of the followers and comments, are you saying every single one of them is lying? No. I’m not saying that every single one of them is truthful, but there’s no way that every single one of them would lie and put this much work into something that’s not real. If you find yourself struggling to believe in the law, I’d suggest you try to manifest something small, and then build up your belief from there. I sure as hell didn’t believe in any of this from the beginning, but then, I manifested consciously for the first time. Again, and again. It became easier, and my life got better. It soon becomes apparent that literally everything you think happens. I always used to wonder how things I randomly thought in the back of my head always happened even though I literally didn’t do anything about it in the 3d. This proved to me that your mental state is more powerful than it seems.

“Can I manifest-”

Yes. Just yes. You’re GOD. GOD. Why tf is God asking some random loa account if they can manifest something or not? Ofc God would know that they can manifest whatever the fuck they want instantly. Do you think when God said “Let there be light”, he first asked people around him if he could? No. He took that shit and just fucking ran with it.

“But-but, what if-”

Uh-uh. I don’t want to fucking hear it. Like I said in the previous section, stop overthinking everything you do. Just go. Run with what you already know and manifest the life of your dreams. You don’t need to keep looking for new information, some specific post that changes everything for you. All they can do for you is steer you in the right direction. You’re the one who’s going to have to figure out our mindset and pull yourself together, no one else can do it. Take back your power, embrace it. I don’t care if you unfollow every single loa account or delete tumblr, just stop looking for the next post. Why would you need more information when you already have everything you need?

I wrote down everything I struggled with, forgot about it, and continued to persist in my new mindset. I ignored any negative 3d circumstances, and just vibed in the feeling that my desires were already here, that feeling of contentment someone has when everything in their life is just amazing. The main question I asked myself was, what would a person who had ____ think, and I went from there. Soon the things I wanted just started popping up in my life, just as I knew it would. I feel like the things I’ve said in this post are pretty much the same concepts you see all over loa tumblr, which is why it’s so important that you actively take in the information that’s being given to you and actually apply it. I was obsessed with tumblr and kept on scrolling through countless blogs and posts, and I was only able to fully manifest after I stepped away from all of that. There is no big secret. There’s no miraculous method that will fix everything for you. There’s just... you. And your subconscious. Whatever you tell your subconscious, goes. As simple as that.

How about, instead of scrolling to whatever next loa post you were about to see on this app, you close tumblr and just go live your best life? Don’t overcomplicate it and just do whatever feels natural to you. I hope this post helped, happy manifesting!

-cinna

[the-pen-pot]

Merthur Fic Ideas & WiPs

So I have a Merlin fic ideas page over on Patreon but obviously I can't link direct to that from AO3. So I'm popping one on here so you all know what's incoming/in the works/rattling around in my brain.

Coming to AO3 September 29th 2024

The Water and the Wilds:

'Magic is as much part of nature as the earth, sea and sky. Other sorcerers who sought out the circle found that their power developed certain affinities. Their abilities became tied to the cycle of the year. There would be one season at which their power was at its peak and another where it lay almost dormant. They became more closely connected to the natural ebb and flow of the world.'

'But?'

'But they were not Emrys. His strength is beyond anything in living memory, and the heights he could reach are, as yet, unknown.' Aglain spread his hands, his shoulders rolling in a graceful shrug. 'I can only tell you that the Tir Na Lei means no harm. Three is the number: the ritual is set. The circle will not call on Emrys again.'

______

In a Camelot where Arthur is king and magic is permitted once more, Merlin's power begins to change. Can he and Arthur overcome the challenges thrown their way, or will their relationship be forever changed by the ordeal?

(Approx 50 k in length, rated E)

If you want to read what else is in-progress, check out below!

Works In Progress

(All drafts are currently available over on Patreon - first chapter free to read. The rest are available to patrons in the $5 tier and up. They WILL become available on AO3 eventually. See bio or pinned post for link if you're interested ♥)

King and Court - 24 chapters currently drafted and available on Patreon - this one will begin updating on AO3 next as it's the one I've written most of.

Summary: Loneliness is an insidious thing. When Merlin looks at Arthur, he sees not just a prince waiting for his time to rule, but a young man struggling to find his place in the world, with little help from anyone else.

The truth is, Arthur needs more than the friendship Merlin can offer. He needs people he can trust: men and women who will become his court and his confidants, and if he is going to survive to take the throne and lead Camelot into its golden age, he needs them sooner rather than later.

Finding loopholes in Uther’s laws is no easy feat. Court life is a dangerous game, but it’s one Merlin has every intention of winning so that Arthur can have knights of his choosing by his side.

And then there is the matter of his magic…

(In my head this is basically entitled *~shenanigans, love and a golden age~*. Canon divergent AU)

Love Is Never Lost - 11 chapters currently drafted and available on Patreon.

Summary: Uther Pendragon has never approved of Arthur’s friendship with Merlin. There had been disappointed sighs and whispered warnings, but Arthur had never thought it would come to this: scars on Merlin’s back and a manservant made hollow and thin by cruelty.

Yet Uther’s efforts to drive a wedge between them instead bring Merlin’s greatest secret to light, and once the wound of secrecy has been purged, their healing brings them closer together than ever before.

Much to Uther Pendragon’s horror.

When Merlin disappears, Arthur is left questioning the true honour of the crown and the value of a kingdom forever stained by his father’s tyranny. Will he answer the call of duty, or will he sacrifice everything to chase the cries of his heart?

Tags will include: magic reveal, corporal punishment, slavery themes (and all that may imply), missing presumed dead, good Morgana, Arthur's POV, slow burn, dreamwalking, happily ever after eventually plus whatever else shows up as I write these!

Sigh No More - 7 chapters drafted on Patreon. This fic is my beloved. My baby. I'm obsessed. Fantasy Age-Of-Sail AU

Summary: Prince Arthur Pendragon, Captain of the Llamrei, would far rather spend his days patrolling Camelot's Waters than assume his place on the throne. Yet when he finds the wreckage of a vast ship and one lone survivor on board, nothing can prepare him for the path his life will lead.

Nor the demands his heart will make.

Hiraeth Ideas

Additions to the Hiraeth universe ideas : Just some little bulletpoints to remind me about things I would love to add to the Hiraeth verse once it's actually done.

Gwaine vs. a lemon

Merlin gets flu (my biologist heart wants to explore Merlin's immune system vs. Camelot germs plus no modern drugs. Excellent hurt/comfort opportunity - not that Hiraeth really needs more of that.)

Merlin "tormenting" Arthur via the bond (Explicit,  definitely)

Merlin shows Arthur (and others?) modern London.

The knights of Camelot at the zoo (sort of)

Maps/globes/celestial bodies knowledge

💀 Agravaine 💀

The one with the eclipse (some king and his sorcerer are trying to show off said sorcerer's power. There just so happens to be an eclipse.They know what it is so Merlin cannot claim credit, but he totally fucks with them anyway.)

Non-Hiraeth ideas

Magic Reveal Via Time-Travel  (Added June 2024)

Merlin and the knights get themselves into some kind of dire situation. Merlin, in a panic and realising he's not strong or knowledgable enough to save them, pretty much demands that the universe in general sends someone who can help.

What actually happens is he gets flung five years into the future, and his future self (who is more capable, among other things) takes his place. He sorts out the dire situation, whatever it may be, and that leaves Arthur and the others with future!Merlin, who is not only very magically capable but 100% their Merlin with lots more confidence, as irreverent as ever, and unmistakably thrumming with magic. They can all feel it, because Merlin makes no effort to hide.

More to the point future!Merlin remembers this from the other side, when he was younger and the same thing happened. He knows this is when the others find out about his magic, and he is able to answer their questions and emotional responses calmly and rationally, because he already knows Arthur isn't going to kill him or hate him or anything.

(Quite the opposite, in fact, since he's having to hide the fact that Arthur's ring is currently gleaming on his finger. He is grateful, at least, that he wasn't a. Pulled naked out of the bath for this magical meeting or b. wearing his crown, which would have been hard to explain without breaking Arthur's tiny brain.)

Meanwhile, young!Merlin is in Camelot, five years in the future, and Arthur and the others are a bit older, a (very little bit) wiser, and are also doing a brilliant job of calming him down and letting him know everything will be all right. And actually showing him the golden age they achieve -- that it's not impossible and out of reach.

Possibly a long four parter from young!Merlin, young!Arthur, older!Merlin and older!Arthur's points of view. Assuming I can write it without being confusing 🤣

Merlin's Voice - possibly a bit dark

My desire to put Merlin inhurt/comfort situations knows no bounds, but this one actually stems from the fact that Merlin doesn't remember the hug after he's been missing in Servant of Two masters and I'm weak for Arthur being a worried angsty little lamb about his missing manservant.

I'd probably go AU and make Morgana good, with Merlin's magic being known, and just have Morgause basically taking Morgana's place, except she and Agravaine are trying to get information about Camelot's weaknesses, and who better to lean on than Arthur's idiot manservant.

Cue Merlin being missing for days, Arthur panicking, Agravaine being dismissive as usual, and Morgause growing increasingly frustrated at the fact that she cannot get anything of note out of Merlin.

In the end, she tries a spell to force him to speak, except that Merlin is so fiercely determined not to betray Camelot and Arthur that his own magic takes the spell and twists it, forging it into a spell of silence instead.

Morgause gets cruel in her frustration, but eventually, Merlin manages to escape and head back for Camelot. It's no easy journey, and more to the point, the spell silencing him will not come off. No matter how hard he tries. He was so determined not to say anything that his magic went overboard in an effort to meet his intent.

I want to write that hug so Merlin remembers it. I want to have Arthur initially teasing about the silence but getting increasinlgy distressed by it. I want the realisation that Merlin is so incredibly expressive that the others rarely need him to write what he wants to say, they can get the gist of it from just a look.

It's one of those ones with ~vibes~  I want to explore, but I have no idea how it ends.

The "Back To The Start" One

So I made this post on Tumblr and it did numbers (I was thinking 4 people would "hell yes" me, not 2000 +)

"Not me sitting here thinking about writing a fic where we start with Arthur dying in Merlin's arms after Camlaan and it's all tragedy and then the magic rises and they both end up back at that first day, in the marketplace, Merlin with "How long have you been training to be a prat, my lord?" dying on his lips as they stare at each other, fascinated, horrified, so fucking relieved because they both remember ALL of it and none of it's happened yet and this time they can maybe make it to a different, better ending.

And they can do it together."

BUT TO EXPAND

I want to explore how Arthur and Merlin would interact with each other having lived in one another's pockets for ten years, only to be sent right back to the beginning, while retaining everything they are to each other. Merlin's magic newly revealed from the confession by the lakeside. The two of them standing there with every mistake in their future rather than their past and realising that maybe "two sides of the same coin" means "you need to work together, dumbass".

I want the two of them shocked by how young the other is. How different Camelot seems from what they're used to. How harsh Uther looks now that they know it can be different (though not as different as it should be, Arthur realises.) I want them correcting their mistakes (and each other's mistakes) and taking all that they know of each other and rebuilding their relationship (all their relationships, actually) on that honesty.

And the others don't remember. Morgana is still Morgana, still struggling, but still hoping to be saved. Mordred's just a boy.  Lancelot never sacrificed himself and it's so clear in Arthur's eyes that Gwen loved them both but that she loved Lancelot first and in a different way.

The knights end up at Camelot earlier simply because Arthur and Merlin set out to find them earlier. 

("We need Gwaine." "Do we? Really?" "Yes, you great prat. Come on.")

And so much more.

The "Fake Favourite" One 

This is basically me having a desperate urge to write all the political whatevers of Arthur taking Merlin as a favourite, smashed together with a fake dating AU.

Basic premise is simple: in an effort to avoid the latest princess eyeing up his hand for marriage (and with Uther's blessing, because it suits him for now to put off marrying Arthur to someone) Arthur decides that he will pretend Merlin is his lover and favourite. They spend all their time together anyway, and half the court rumour already appears to think they sleep together, so it will hardly be any change to either of them.

Except all Arthur has to do is say the words to make it happen, but there's a lot more to being a favourite than that. Merlin can't continue to serve him, and then there's the whole situation of a new wardrobe (which Merlin and his magic both fight against) the political wheeling and dealing that comes with a servant being elevated in status, not to mention the subtle ways in which the court first tries to manipulate Merlin, and then is manipulated by him in turn (for the good of Camelot)

What starts out as Arthur aggressively but jokingly courting Merlin (because Merlin said he was bad at it) ends up much closer to *actual* courting.

And no, Merlin cannot sleep in the antechamber, because the chambermaids will notice they're not sharing a bed.

(This basically would end up being a story about Merlin no longer being a servant but becoming a valued member of the court almost by accident (but being very good at it) and the two fools falling helplessly in love with each other while they pretend to be lovers.)

Morgana, Gwen and the knights would be placing ridiculous bets and generally watching it all with disbelieving horror and delight because only these two idiots could make falling in love so complicated.

The "Stuck In Close Quarters" One 

Merlin and Arthur trapped underground in VERY close proximity (like lying on top of each other) and running out of air and Merlin’s magic is too weak (thanks to a battle maybe) to get them out but he can replenish the air but there is no way Arthur won’t notice.

Cue a magic reveal in close quarters and love confessions.

The Horn of Cathbad one

Merlin dies and due to some glitchiness with his magic, he doesn’t immediately come back. Instead, Arthur, in the freshness of his grief, reaches for magic.

He uses the Horn of Cathbhad to see Merlin again, knowing that if he summons Merlin’s ghost and looks back, then Merlin will stay. (Maybe Gaius warns him - but he doesn’t take it as a warning, but a blessing.)

And Merlin answers, and Arthur doesn’t dismiss his ghost. There are ghostly shenanigans and while it’s not the same as having his friend back, it helps. He doesn’t really have to grieve.

Except that Merlin’s spirit starts to become restless and angry, and it reaches the point where Merlin is *begging* Arthur to let him go. He doesn’t know about his immortality but something is pulling at him.

And Arthur finds the strength to let him go and it’s like losing him all over again.

And then, of course, Merlin comes back ❤️

Blind Merlin One

Arthur and co. suspect Merlin has magic but haven't spoken of it to him yet. While out on patrol, Merlin takes a curse meant for Arthur, one that effectively blinds him until "you see the truth". Arthur thinks it's about the magic and it dredges all that out into the open, but the curse doesn't leave. Merlin quickly adapts to using magic to "see" (in a manner of speaking) and keeps his eyes covered to hide their glow.

Of course, Arthur's threatened about Merlin's vulnerability and baffled about the curse etc. It turns out that the truth they need to see is how they feel for each other. Angst/hurt/comfort/fluff because I can.

Omegaverse One (Maybe a series? Sort of tempted to try out some MPreg)

Well off my normal beaten path, but I keep what-iffing it so I'm writing it down here (and will totally draw on some of the mechanics and plot points of Gilded Cage)

Not all magic users are Omegas, but all Omegas have magic, which means Merlin has more than one secret to keep, and he keeps it well. It "helps" that when he presented in Ealdor, one of the Alphas in the village attacked and bit him, forming enough of a bond to stabilise his biochemistry before he managed to escape. It was that incident that pushed him and Hunith into making him go to Camelot.

Merlin successfully hides what he is for years, thinking he's safe, but the Alpha who bit him never stops looking for him. The Alpha eventually tracks him down, threatens Merlin etc., but gets killed in a tavern brawl before he can make good on his threats. That, in turn, breaks the bond that's been keeping Merlin stable and able to pass, in general, as a beta.

Cue it all going a little bit to hell because Arthur thought he knew everything about Merlin and it turns out he really didn't, and now his irritating and attractive beta manservant who always smelled good is an irritating, attractive, sorcerous omega manservant who smells amazing... etc.

(and maybe this one sounded a lot better in my head? There's a whole heap of nuance I'm not putting down - but it's a possible future Merlin fic.)

Different curse fic

A sorcerer curses Arthur with magic in order to make the Pendragon heir everything that the king hates. He wants to see if he is a hypocrite who will spare his sorcerous son, or a tyrant who will damn the ties of blood and execute him.

Cue Arthur frantically trying to hide the fact that he has magic from everyone, including Merlin, except that's fantastically unsuccessful because Merlin has magic, knows magic, *is* magic.

Then you've got Merlin desperately trying to hide the fact that Arthur had magic from the court while concealing that *he* has magic from Arthur. He very small and tired and stressed about it.

But the upshot is that Arthur has a better understanding of magic - how it is not, in itself, bad or corrupt - and because his magic has no chill and absolutely adores Merlin it acts as the pivotal point that brings out all their secrets (and desire)

The Lancelot and a dead body one -probably shortish.

This is more a scene that anything, but I keep thinking of how to expand it a bit better (I did a text chat thing on tumblr about this plot bunny I need to write it one day)

Arthur and all the knights are in an antechamber off the armoury after an evening training session. The door is ajar. They hear Lancelot come in and Gwaine's about to call out to him when Merlin stumbles through the door.

'I need your help burying a body!'

And Lancelot doesn't squawk or demand answers but just says, in a "so done with this shit" voice: 'Again?'

Meanwhile Arthur and the others are like "What the hell?" and follow Merlin and Lancelot out towards the border of the Darkling Woods where there is a huge and very dead monster just.... lying there.

Then we have Merlin making desperate and really bad excuses, which Arthur would be more willing to pretend he believed if Merlin wasn't bloodied and swaying where he stood and also had flowers blooming around his feet, because Merlin used a lot of magic to take this thing down and it's kind of leaking a bit.

And then we go on from there with the knights spending all night trying to dig a big enough hole and asking questions and all that, and Merlin being too tired and beaten up to really put them off - and then I end it somehow. (I did say this was just a scene!)

[openphrase123]

What's your workflow for planning and then executing a long-term project, like the massive fics you write?

this is how i do fanfics And also original stuff and it's how i've been writing for like ten years (your mileage may vary though i think long project planning is a different kind of beast depending on the person.

also this is the same process as i have for making other media too but obviously with the language tweaked to fit the media (like this is how i plan and execute my game, too!)

have a scene or concept haunt me so thoroughly that i write a short speculative piece about it. if you get here and it's good but can't get past the next step, that's a sign it's meant to be a cool oneshot instead of something multichaptered

decide why i'm making it. what question am i trying to answer, what themes am i trying to explore?

write 2-3 chapters of it freeform style, not caring about where these scenes are going or how they flow into each other (for things that aren't fics, this can just be like. a small section of what it Is). if you're not feeling it here this is a sign to make the scope smaller and make the piece as short as you can tolerate it for. if you are feeling it, this is where you're figuring out the overall tone and style of how the wider work is going to go

figure out the ending. write the ending scene now if you have to. you can change it later but you need to know generally where you want to go

make an outline. how many sections do i need to get from the opening scene to the ending scene? what happens in each chapter?

for ME and how i post, if this is a fanfiction, write at least 25% of it before posting a single thing. or if nothing else write 3 weeks of updates.

start posting

vibe and write at least 3 weeks in advance. if you need a break you need a break. it's free fanfiction, people get it.

now, some creators will be like "whatever you write, take out 10% of it to be economical" this is the modern writer's equivalent of the devil talking. you need the fluff. you need the downtime. you need the epilogue. slow your fucking stories down. let people marinate in them. yeah if you're writing something short form or in a specific format you might need to take stuff out but if you're writing fanfiction or a novel or a game and there's no limit on how long it is. don't worry about spending a couple pages dicking around. every piece of human media from the dawn of time has had interludes, B plots, long meandering pieces of fluff... it makes the parts where the story Hits really stand out. inutile's tragic moments wouldn't be as effective if there weren't fun jokes or levity interspersed in between

that said you need to know when to stop adding shit. only put things in that you think you have a reasonable time to address fully and completely. you will learn this the hard way one day and i cannot teach this or stop you from making this mistake. i learned this mistake writing homestuck fanfiction when i was 13. but in my defense it's really easy to go overboard with homestuck fanfiction

panic because i'm like 90% of the way through and tired of it and start doubting whether the story was ever good at all and if this was wasted time

finish it. celebrate. wait like two months

reread my own work and say "this is sick as hell"

(if this is original work, this is where you start editing it. this is a different beast. i will not elaborate here. fanfiction is for fun and is at the same level as my original fiction drafts. on a rewrite everything will be more polished and purposeful)

repeat forever and ever as long as there are stories to tell

also. this one is just me because it's how my brain works. but ideally i work on two/three longform projects at once, so that when i get tired of working on one my brain will go "ooh shiny" and latch onto one of the other ones effortlessly. if you have adhd this will either work for you perfectly or it will ruin your life

[aaronstveit]

On the subject of song lyrics, there is a question I have been wanting to ask about your playlist: Every single song goes perfectly with deep end (and honestly holds me over until the next chapter lol). I’m curious about what comes first - did the lyrics inspire some of the scenes, or did you write the scene and then dip into this vast well of musical knowledge that I am so jealous you have? (I will never listen to Little Lion Man again without thinking about your Enjolras).

oooh such a fun question <333 i love the deep end playlist dearly and could talk about it forever and ever

the short answer is that some songs inspired feelings or concepts i wanted to include in deep end, but actual scenes themselves were not (consciously) inspired by songs!

the long answer is that a lot of the songs on the deep end playlist and/or that i use for chapter titles are songs i already associated with exr or at least the individual characters. little lion man, for instance, has been on my enjolras playlist forever! (fun fact: weep, little lion man was one of the titles i considered for deep end before settling on throw me in the deep end, i'm ready now to swim.)

most of the chapter titles are associated with a specific event in the chapters themselves. a lot of the chapter titles came before i wrote the chapters, but i knew generally what i wanted to happen when i named them. and a lot of the chapter titles have also changed from draft to draft! for example:

chapter 6 final name: not a flower on the wall (emotion by carly rae jepsen)

chapter 6 original name: take this pink ribbon off my eyes (just a girl by no doubt)

chapter 10 final name: pressure points, they pressure you right back (hate that you know me by bleachers)

chapter 10 original name: tracing an old pattern (drawing the lines from where i am and where i want to be) (i can change by lake street dive)

chapter 11 final name: some things i never expect (halloween by phoebe bridgers)

chapter 11 original name: i didn't know i was lonely till i saw your face (i wanna get better by bleachers)

chapter 17 final name: and whatever we had locked up now is free (lipstick covered magnet by the front bottoms)

chapter 17 original name: all the hope i had when i was young, i hope i wasn't wrong (dream of mickey mantle by bleachers)

i've also just very recently changed the name of chapter 24, which i'm pretty excited about! i won't tell you the new name, but the old name for chapter 24 was "my moodboard is just pictures of you (but i'm not sad anymore)" from the song fake out by fall out boy <3

there are a lot of songs i listened to on repeat while writing that probably subconsciously inspired parts of deep end. some of the big ones that are definitely going to end up on my spotify wrapped because of this fic are:

lucid dreaming by alice kristiansen

spit of you by sam fender

into your room by holly humberstone

surrender by walk the moon

close to you by gracie abrams

like a river runs by bleachers

an ego thing by lizzy mcalpine

admit defeat by bastille

thumbs by lucy dacus

anywhere with you by maggie rogers

there are a lot of specific lyrics that really spoke to me while writing that i'm gonna talk about in another post but i hope you enjoyed this answer <333 as always, thank you for asking!!

[tarnishedxknight]

{out of dalmasca} I'm here, I'm just... dealing with random work issues, heh. It's officially the last day of classes and their final exam just opened up about an hour ago. Complaints about grades and requests for last-minute assignment makeups are starting to pour in. So... yeah, I'm a little stressed out, but I'm still going to try to get some writing done around the work drama, heh. I usually have my hiatus run through the last week of classes but I just couldn't skip this blog. The muses are way too loud for that, heh.

I've got plenty of asks and drafts to get to, but because I've got horrible time management skills, I'm going to be posting a couple memes here in a second. Mostly I've just had them in my drafts forever and they're really good so I don't wanna delete them. Even if I take a couple weeks to get to whatever you might send in, I still want to post them. So yeah, Imma do that and then get started on some things.

Just FYI Drace and Ashelia are deafening tonight, haha, so feel free to send them random things or memes, but of course all the muses are up for grabs as usual. =)

[theinarticulatemagicmarkerpen]

I've wanted to write something about Reita's passing since a couple weeks ago. I was seriously considering chucking this in my drafts forever, with my brain saying things like I'm not like a diehard fan, my thoughts probably don't matter.

However, rereading the translations of the tributes and feelings of his fellow juniors, and drawing a tribute piece desperately in-between real-life commitments, I felt the need for my words to go somewhere.

I needed to give myself an outlet and let my words and art reach somebody in the process.

I hope what I write brings someone comfort, no matter if you are a casual or hardcore fan, an older or a younger one.

I've calmed down considerably since the first draft of this, but my apologies for the rambly mess, and if there are grammatical mistakes or mistakes in expressions. I'm not sure if I'll keep this post up all the way, but yes.

It's a long one so, more under the cut.

I got the news slightIy after 1pm. I was working from home, eating my lunch.

Scrolling through social media, I saw the tweet. Taisetsu na oshirase. Couldn't mean anything that good.

I wanted to think the news was them disbanding.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the kanji on the announcement, which to my Mandarin-trained eyes, read as "asleep, forever".

Of course, I knew immediately it meant that he passed.

What? He passed?

I gasped audibly.

I texted my bestie who loved The GazettE.

"Say sike right now" I said out loud, to whom, I'm not sure.

I wanted Reita to pop out and say, no it's not true.

I checked his SNS and saw he just tweeted last night, in the early hours. Surely, this was some cruel, cruel joke.

Anger that this happened to Visual Kei, anger that my world, my working world was still running as per normal.

The rest of the working day was a blur.

As someone who has to check on social media and the news for work, it was insanely difficult for me to pretend everything was normal. My arms felt heavy as if sadness were a weight that pressed on my shoulders... and anger boiled over.

I don't want to see a social media obsessing a place giving out free ice cream scoops today!! Fuck the ice cream!! Reita passed away, he's gone, doesn't this world see that this man is gone? Can't anyone see that this man I believed would be around forever was gone?

So deep in grief I was, that I even shared about his death with colleagues. Of course, it wasn't information that had significance to them, but I just wanted someone, anyone to receive my grief.

Someone to hear about how unfair this was, from the metaphorical rooftops.

Doomscrolling just added to all the sadness I was experiencing, with no clarity to the confusion. I don't understand. I don't understand, I screamed into the digital void.

I still knew that he liked motorbikes, worked out, had a really cool brand called SNAKEDLOWS. Even if I didn't know every moment and every little fun fact about him, even if I mixed up his and Aoi's voice on the RadioJack clip my bestie references to me (damn that Sandra!), Reita was cool to me.

Indeed, I didn't.

Even though I had not followed The GazettE that closely, I still knew everyone by name, by role.

I still remember fondly that one screencap of a host asking him if he always had his noseband on. He responded: of course not, back in school(?), he had a black one. That will be my fondest memory of him.

Reita, and the rest of The GazettE were like old friends to me: that even if you didn't knew exactly what they were up to, the world doesn't feel the same if you didn't knew what they were up and doing.

I had fully expected them to exist forever together, you know? They were supposed to be 5 old men in a nursing home together, all senile, crinkly, and joking about the good old days. Who knows, in adult diapers, and attempting to croak out a ballad at the 4pm karaoke session in between feeding time or nap time or whatever, diaper changes and stuff. Annoying the staff for fucking pretending the games room was their changing room or Budokan, Maybe the staff would have to remove anything that remotely reminded them of being a band before they tear the nursing home down attempting to throw a live there. That's what I honestly expected.

We can probably all agree: there's no other guy with a noseband that will be as celebrated, cherished, and remembered. Even if it fucking sucks for me to say that he's gone, I still don't believe I have to talk about him in past tense...

The GazettE is the benchmark that every bandman wishes they could be. Of course, you had the legends, but this was the band that most younger bandmen would celebrate and emulate with incredible openness and candour; they are constantly on the lips and minds of anyone in Vkei.

Reita was the senior and friend and respected hero to my heroes. As someone who got into Vkei around the tail end of the Neo-Visual Kei era, it was obvious that The Gazette was everything a bandman could hope to be. PSC owned some of the most influential bands of that era. Some of the folks, such as Kagrra, and Alice Nine, worked closely with them or were at least, out there in the Vkei trenches with them at some point.

As someone who loved Kagrra and Alice Nine, seeing the members tweet about Reita killed me inside. Especially for the Kagrra members...how do you cope seeing your junior pass so young, when your own vocalist did, too?

And outside of it, too - in my country where Vkei hasn't had much of a hold in recent years, I'd run into or see GazettE fans in random places, like a train station, or while getting lunch at work. Cosplay acquaintances that rarely spoke about Vkei, spoke about The GazettE when he passed.

But alas, none of these, none of our sadnesses, none of our most desperate cries will bring him back. In a scene that sees so much talent come and go, so much news that breaks people's hearts, in a scene so fragile and full of reminders of our own mortality, how do we go on?

Sadie's guitarist, Tsurugi's (fun fact, Tsurugi is also in a band called RAZOR. RAZOR's vocalist Ryoga, was previously of BORN. BORN was under the same label as The GazettE then!) words at their comeback live on Mar. 17 resonated with me a lot, even now. Here's a rough translation:

I suppose this is the kind of time where I want to remember that this genre is still kicking. People care about it, even if it isn't all the same, even if it feels like things changed, and the areas and bands of focus have changed.

I brought myself to Japan again this year, for the first time in several years, and for the first time in my life, I attended Visual Kei events in Japan, 11 or 12 years after I first fell for the genre. I realised how much and how little I knew all at once, but I went home with so much hope.

”You may be in various physical conditions, but you are alive, and that is why we can meet again like this. I felt that we don't have to push ourselves, we just have to keep living and we can have a day like this. Many bands take a break or break up nowadays, but as long as they are alive, we may be able to see them again. We didn't know when we would be able to come back. But I guess that's the connection, isn't it? Please continue to live with us.

Thanks to The GazettE, their juniors, friends and contemporaries worked hard to become the bands I hold close to my heart.

Because of a scene influenced, energised and coloured by them, I ran into friends and formed my lifelong passion for Visual Kei, a genre that's so colourful and beautiful, despite every death, and every departure.

Bandmen sharing their good memories of him, bandmen encouraging and cheering fans on, all connected by the same thread.

If you're looking for a sign tonight to hang on, I hope this will be it. I myself am not doing so great, but, if my words can encourage someone here, somehow to hang on, then that will suffice.

I'm going a little off-tangent, but, maybe that needed to be said.

My advice for all of you feeling lost and in grief is to not fight your feelings. However, with each day, hang on and live to see the possibilities. Tsurugi was right. Maybe it's enough to be alive to meet your idols again. The GazettE will continue to move, so let's move along with them - not moving away from grief, but growing around it.

Reita would want that for all of us, to keep living strongly, to keep GazettE in our minds, and most importantly, to keep going. Even if you can't make it down right now to see your heroes, support them the best way you can, through your kind words, actions, thoughts, drawings, and above all - love for fellow family, friends and fans.

I believe in signs and things like that, so I'm gonna share some stuff that may be comforting to some of you, along with my personal experiences with grief, loss and comfort. Nothing religious or anything, but if you don't like that kind of stuff then you can stop here. I'll share the rest of my thoughts below.

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But first, Rest in peace, Reita. I'll post the completed drawing here soon. Take care. I think about you when I see cockatiels and motorbikes. Say hi to your heroes, and I hope you'll let your senior, Isshi, and your former bandmate, Yune know that somewhere beneath the moonlit sky, we're all hoping to see everyone again one day.

It's past midnight in Japan as well, so..happy birthday to you, fly high <3

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I read that some of you are worried that the members, especially Uruha, will feel so alone and desolate. I absolutely agree.

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Once again, only proceed if you're comfortable with me talking about stuff like signs and all that.

A year ago, 5 days from Reita's date of passing, I lost a close family member - my dad. It's a painful process, I spent so many years caregiving for him alongside my sister.

I want you to believe that someone has comforted the members, given them a hug, and told them that their best friend, their eternal member, is in a good place. And that he's always gonna watch over them.

When people came to the funeral, while it was so sad, there were times when his good friends/students came. And there was one of his best friends. I usually keep my distance, but at this moment, I felt myself going forward, hugging her, telling her that my dad was in a good place.

My dad was likely speaking through me, and perhaps if that happened to the boys, that's really probably Reita speaking to them through that, as well.

Earlier in March, I had visited Hide's grave, yes, X Japan's Hide.

(*Important: Hide's family allows for visitations from fans, so long as you do not bring offerings, so this is permitted. If a grave of a bandman has not been publicly revealed or you were not given permission to visit or seek out the grave, do NOT trespass or do so.)

Running up to the grave, I sobbed, I sobbed so much and so loudly.

I was feeling a little sick so I didn't know if I'd make it, but I did...and it was beautiful, the entire process.

I was afraid that it being in a rather far-flung corner of Kanagawa, I wouldn't be able to make it with no one around, but it turned out it was kind of a period in time where many Japanese people who were doing grave visits. When I got off the bus stop, I decided to chat up a kind Japanese obasan who happened to go grave-visting that day. I was surprised that I was able to understand her well enough... she even spoke and knew a bit of my mother tongue, which she studied for years! She also clearly gave me directions to his grave....it was so serendipitous.

I told him to watch over my heroes, who I was in part here for, not so much myself.

The wind howled in my face as if he were saying that he heard me and wanted me to dry my eyes.

I felt that he was teasing me a little for crying so much just meeting him for the first time. "What's with the sad face?" I could almost hear it in the air.

I managed to finish what I needed to say, dry my eyes and compose myself for a few minutes, right before passersby came down the same way. They also took photos of the grave. I offered to help them take photos of them, to which they declined, but they offered to take photos of me instead.

I was incredibly lucky, but I'm more than certain that I was being watched over.

So for Reita, surely he must be watching, for you all. He's no deity, surely, but he's in a place he can hear you. Like Hide, your thoughts will reach him wherever you are.

So live strongly, ok?

You must continue living your life because that's what he would have wanted, for you to keep The GazettE's legacy alive, like his wishes, and also help another fan or friend get through another day.

The GazettE is not the same GazettE without his presence, but similarly, life is not the same if you are not here. Hang in there, friend. Sending you love.

Thanks for reading too, the ramblings of someone who grew up with Vkei even if I was always at the periphery of the fandom.

[eemamminy-art]

🕯️🎲🍄☁️ for the writer's ask meme!

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

Huhhhhh it think it depends on the kind of editing I'm doing? A lot of my "editing" is just like a second or third draft! Other times it's me banging my head against the keyboard trying to make the words sound prettier or more meaningful (editing my one shots lol), or it's just me reading over my final draft again after not looking at it for a few days/weeks and changing a couple of words to sound more natural. I guess overall it can range from 5 to 8 out of 10 haha. Sometimes it's really nice and rewarding and other times I'm miserable and feeling super self conscious the entire time.

🎲 ⇢ what stops you from writing more in your free time?

Not enough hours in the day 😤 Also sometimes writing makes me sleepy, or I just can't focus. My writing tends to come in bursts of inspiration and then I go back to edit it and fluff it up more another day when I'm feeling more focused and had time to think it over more.

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

Here's a fordolyse one: Lyse always goes to Fordola to ramble about her day and all the things going on with regards to the alliance, Ala Mhigo's rebuild, or just anything. She started doing it initially to keep Fordola company when she was still in confinement and just talked about whatever to fill the silence, but now it's become something they both really look forward to. And now that Fordola has made strives in her rehabilitation, the rambling is usually done over dinner or while sitting on the rooftop watching the stars. :3

☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username?

I'm sure I've told this story before but I was dating someone at the time (this was in 2012) who was really judgmental and toxic and she hated tumblr lol but I wanted to make a new one (I had had several blogs before that I deleted) so I wanted to pick a username that was completely removed from any other handle I'd ever used before so that I could hide the account from her. I was really obsessed with this one ytp from deus ex at the time.. 😂 extremely deep cut I know. So yeah eemamminy was just a little gibberish phrase in the video. I wish I had a different handle but I kind of feel like it's a little late now so I'm like okay I guess that's me now forever haha

Writers truth and dare ask game

[stillness-in-green]

On Chapter Posts (and What Comes After)

Just a heads-up to everyone that, at least for the time being, I’m putting the chapter posts on moratorium.  I’ve been far more critical than not for months on end, and while I do get some satisfaction out of the venting, it’s just gotten more mentally demanding than it’s worth.  Compliments are easy and fun to write!  I always end up feeling like I have to do more writing to support negativity, however, providing enough explanation to support my complaints, and often going even further to anticipate and preemptively counter responses.

That big slab of nitpicking sits at the top of my to-do list week-in and week-out, a responsibility to keep on top of lest I fall behind, pushing answering asks and working on other projects behind it, and with the chapters of late having become incredibly demotivating, not getting them done means I get nothing done.  It certainly doesn’t help that Horikoshi’s writing has become so dependent on fake-outs, asspulls, retcons, and purposefully misleading cliffhangers, all of which make it unrewarding in the extreme to put effort and thought into meaningful analysis on a chapter-by-chapter basis.

I apologize to anyone who was really enjoying them—I’ve had a number of people tell me they love my meticulous breakdowns, and I’m forever grateful that my anal-retentiveness has found some like minds!  That said, please don’t fear that I’m out of the BNHA analysis game entirely!  I’d just rather focus my attention on larger-scale material, subjects that require analyzing the work as a whole, rather than the week-to-week grind.

First up will be clearing out my ask backlog—not, I think, a terribly burdensome prospect this time—as well as give the Mina fan the answer I promised them months ago to their last reply in our series of lengthy exchanges about Chapter 383.

Afterwards, my current and wishlist projects include:

Below the jump, I've compiled a list of my projects, meta and fanfic alike.  Feel free to skim through if you’re interested in what the chapter posts have been keeping me away from!

Meta Projects:

An absolutely massive documentation of heteromorphobia in the main series and Vigilantes that I’ve been erratically working on since March of last year—41 pages and I’m still only at the beginning of the war arc!  I’ve been trying to decide if I want to just start posting this in arc-length breakdowns or finish the whole thing first for optimal organization and presentation, though I suppose I could do the former on tumblr and the latter on AO3. Anyone have a preference?    

The much-delayed essay laying out the evidence for the possession plot with AFO and Shigaraki not being the originally intended endgame for those characters, at least not in the form it wound up taking.  Currently six pages, this one is still mostly bullet points; it also hasn’t been updated to reflect some of the more recent wild inconsistencies.  I’d like to give the series time to wrap up whatever it’s going to do with AFO before I publish this one, in case of eleventh hour reveals, but there’s certainly a lot of draft work I could be doing in the meantime.    

Some follow-up/companion pieces to my MVA In Memoriam series.  I’d like to go back to the PLF Spotting posts, which were intended to run through the anime’s treatment of the PLF in the war arc, and I’ve also been compiling points for a schadenfreude-y post on the dazzling variety of ways the anime’s butchering of MVA has complicated its own future as an adaptation.  This would cover things like the anime having to hastily jam in the CRC scene as a flashback because, whoops, it turns out heteromorphobia is going to play a major role in the climax, or the whole-hog deletion of Curious talking about quirk counseling, given that Horikoshi would later directly depict how said counseling exacerbated the psychological abuse Toga was already facing from her parents.    

An essay I promised an anon last year about my perception of the MLA’s ideology.  I’m salty about what the lazy, rushed writing in the final arc has reduced my favorite villain group in the manga to, however, so at this point, I want to do two things with this piece.  First, analyze why the MLA's current portrayal is so problematic*—what they say doesn’t even match up with who they are and how they act now, much less in their MVA portrayal!  Second, discuss how I write them, extrapolating from the non-caricatured aspects of their portrayal with the intent of offering a version of the MLA who are still extremist, cultish villains but who are allowed to have some proper nuance, and an ideology that’s actually consistent with their history, their tactics, and their MVA-era characterization.    

A number of shorter fancies and trifles that I’ve thought about and taken a few notes on, but have never gotten around to fully drafting:      o A post on how heroes and villains respectively engage with dramatic unmaskings.      o A post on directionality of movement in visual media, highlighting some particularly interesting examples in BNHA to discuss what those examples indicate about the characters’ mentalities and the narrative’s silent, implicit judgement thereof.      o A post on how frustrating it’s been to see all of Toga’s powers and abilities get retroactively leashed to—and limited by—her girly love-love emotions.      o A post on the chronic underestimation of Shigaraki Tomura and the woes it consistently leads to.      o A post or two analyzing the final beats of each chapter in the War Arcs with the aim of critiquing the way the series undermines the threat presented by the villains during said arcs.

   

Fanfic Projects:

On the fanfic side, it’s been frustrating me for months now that I haven’t written a substantial piece of non-prompt-driven fanfic for BNHA since January of last year, and even that's being generous with the word "substantial." Before that, I'd have to go all the way back to 2020 to find a non-prompt-based fic with a distinct beginning/middle/end. Suffice to say I’ve got lots of projects on that front!

While the rest of these are all BNHA fic, I do have a Gundam IBO fic I'm, like, two-thirds finished with the final chapter of that I badly want to finally, finally finish. It's basically down to an awkward conversation or two and a pair of wedding vows I've consigned myself to writing by virtue of drawing attention to them in the preceding chapters, RIP.    

The perpetually languishing Obon fic, in which Re-Destro has a lot of feelings he is taking care not to examine too closely about his ancestors. Six thousand words and not even halfway finished.    

The self-indulgent ShigRD mermaid fic, which has a number of cheerleaders in my friend circle and also my id.    

Finish the MLA May AUs.    

I'd like to circle back and write something for those last three days of Spinaraki Week Level 3 I never got to.    

Brainstorming two distinct massive fix-it fic AUs I would at least like to draft some solid outlines for, even as it's unlikely I'll ever have the patience to write all the scenes about the kids they'd require.      o "Forward Different" (the current name on the OneNote tab) would start from the first war arc, being faithful to the canon up to that point, but with major and minor changes that ripple outward to take the story farther and farther from canon the longer it progresses.  (In that story: the MLA not folding like a bad hand in the raids, a Lady Nagant who's true to her professed hatred of empty platitudes, OFA being less of a perfectly good pushover, etc.)      o "Backward Different" would also start from the first war arc, but things would drastically diverge almost immediately because of a number of strategically placed changes to prior events and character motivations; these would be wildcards to be uncovered or deduced as the story progresses.  (In that story: Aoyama was revealed as the traitor all the way back at the training camp, cast members who actually matter turn out to be MLA, OFA is less of a perfectly good pushover, etc.)      

I also have a number of deeply backburnery ideas, still more in the category of "idea" than project, that I could to move to more active project status.      o The one where my might-as-well-call-them-my-MLA-fancharacter has to team up with Toga post-Jakku and travel across a rapidly unraveling Japan in order to meet back up safely with their allies.      o The one where I use an OC detective to examine the official response to the Shimura massacre, and how it got squashed.      o The Kotarou Lives AU, in which Kotarou survives said massacre. Look, gang, I just really want to write about AFO gleefully and aggressively coming on to Shimura Nana's deliciously bitter, traumatized, handsome, ignorant son. I also really like my idea for a lead-in/stinger on this one.      o The one where Geten busts himself and his allies out of prison, be it the canon-verse story with his now-confirmed cell neighbor Mr. Compress or the teenaged AU where he gets thrown in the same high-security juvie Mustard is in.

And that's about all I can dig up out of my notes at the moment. Let me know if there's anything you guys are particularly interested in, though priority is likely to go to shorter or more fully developed projects. Thanks for reading!

(* In the academic sense, not the moral one.)

[evesaintyves]

Curious about writers' methods! What's your strategy for getting through scenes that you find tricky or boring to write?

put it off for six months, start 350 other projects, spiral, quit writing forever, open and close google docs 373626827 times, spiral again, take too much sudafed at the airport and suddenly finish it in 20 minutes

for real though i am probably not a person who should be giving writing advice but here are some things that help me

take a break for a few days, don't even look at it, then come back with fresh eyes. i've seen people advise that you skip the hard scene and write an easier one, then come back later; i'm sure this works for some people, but i have never been able to do it. even in a nonlinear/nonchronological narrative, there's just a certain momentum, tension, whatever that builds through a story and if i skip around i feel like i'm disrupting that. howEVER, sometimes it helps to work on a different project or not work on anything for a while just to clear my head

if it's boring to write, it's probably gonna be boring to read. sometimes you might have to write expository dialogue or set something up for later, but you can make those scenes do double-duty for you: set a mood, reveal a character dynamic, break things up with some action/comedy/horror, play with your running motifs, get weird with it. there are ways to make boring stuff seem incidental to something more interesting

i read somewhere that writers who think visually tend to get bogged down in unnecessary description of the way characters move through space and how they're interacting with the setting. i don't know if this is true for everybody but it's 10000000% true for me and i think it's the main thing that makes scenes difficult and dissatisfying to write. when i first started writing i thought it was really important to follow through on things like characters putting down what they're holding, moving from where they were to where they are, etc. it is not that fucking important. i have to remind myself all the time. the reader will put together why the character is over there now or has a hand free. there are reasons to describe that stuff when you're setting something up or keeping a certain pace but it's just not always necessary and a lot of scenes really benefit from having the blocking, setting description, etc stripped out to focus on what's actually happening.

think about the point of the scene: why do you need it, what's the idea you're trying to put across, is there a certain emotional core or a mood you're building? what's necessary to accomplish that and what can you lose? is the scene even necessary or can you get by with a brief summary of what happens? i've written so many scenes with a whole dialogue interaction, scene-setting, time markers, etc, only to replace the whole thing with "they discussed it, and..." or "after the party, they...." or whatever. it is infuriating when this happens but learning to let that shit go is incredibly freeing.

skip the setup/preamble/transition, start right before or in the middle of what's happening and backfill what you need via dialogue, flashback, just saying what happened, whatever. sometimes even starting after the main event and focusing on the aftermath works. this kind of goes to the previous two points: you just don't have to tell the reader everything that happened, you can focus on what's important and fill in whatever background as needed.

just get through it and take comfort in the fact that if it's bad you can start over. i often just start by writing whatever shitty version of the scene i can manage: just the beats or the dialogue, or a rambly boring disorganized digressive draft that sucks. then i delete it and rewrite it. i have written so many things twice (or more) because i had to get the shitty version out first before i could figure out how i actually wanted to approach the scene or the story. a lot of times the things that are really important to communicate or give the story its heart don't become clear to me until i've written a first draft. i have a roughly 10k fic sitting around right now because i like the idea but it just sucks and needs to be rewritten from scratch. it's ok. it's not wasted effort, it's part of the process of refining your thoughts.

thank you for the question anon!!!!!!!

[smh-yoon]

Serenity ✰ Takashi Morinozuka

a/n: hey lol it's been a very long time since i've been active on tumblr. i guess that's just bc i've used wattpad forever. there has been some changes with my content, and i've deleted the rm dictionary series with the hybrid au. i just don't know if i'm comfortable writing that kind of stuff, and i'm also hesitant to keep writing to for real people. but anyways, here is a cute little blurb about takashi since ohshc has been on my mind lately. let me know if you want me to bring the hybrid series back bc i still have some drafts. enjoy!

genre: romance, fluff

pairing: takashi x fem! reader

warnings: none

• • • • • • •

takashi was not the type of person to be easily read. he was stoic, quiet and definitely not the most sociable person in the room. he would live under the shadow of mitsukuni at school, and he was fine with that.

but here, in his dojo, he felt the most alive he had ever been. the new component he had been facing made his heart race and his adrenaline spike every single time he got into the stance to spar with her. she was an amazing fighter, but he was too.

every time they went against each other she found some way to impress him. it was unintentional, she was simply using her knowledge and her skills against him but he nonetheless found himself breathless after every move. she was precise, impeccable with every kick, punch, sweep and strike of her body.

today was no different.

so far they had always ended a session in a tie, in a stalemate between the two, relentless and too stubborn to give up. the sensei always had to interfere, but it didn't stop them from doing it the exact same every time.

a foot hit his side and he stepped back quickly, shaking his head to get his focus under control before she struck again.

sweat was dripping down her forehead, a fierce look on her face as she continued to advance towards him. he was bracing himself for whatever she was about to do, observing her movements with every second as he tried to read her next move. when she noticed the trailing of his eyes she ignored the knots that began to twist in her stomach.

he attacked first, going in for a strike to her stomach and she grabbed his arm, dodging his other arm that reached out and flexing her body to raise her foot to his face. his free hand grabbed the sole of her foot and pushed her backwards, and she landed on the floor.

before she could get up, he was towering over her and pinning her arms down, counting aloud to three.

when he was finished, he stood and offered his hand out to help her up. she took it, stepping back and bowing to her opponent as he did the same. she tried to push back the feeling of her heart beating in her chest as he left to grab a towel.

she made her way over to the bench sidelining the mat and glanced at the clock. they had sparred for nearly an hour, and she was two hours past the time her parents wanted her time. it was almost nine pm. takashi began walking towards her, taking a few drinks of his own water bottle until her reached her. "we should clean up."

agreeing, she stood and grabbed her things, packing them into her bag and then beginning to sweep the mat while takashi packed his own things and began to clean the mirrors.

by the time they had finished, she would say they both desperately needed a shower.

she went to her phone with the intention of calling her chauffeur, but found only that the battery had died. the memory of waking up with it off the charger all night passed through her mind and she sighed, trying to prepare herself to ask to use takashi's phone to call someone.

"takashi," he hummed, turning towards her and slipping his bag over his shoulder. "do you mind if i use your phone? mine died, and i need to call for a ride."

a small smile rose on his face and he shook his head. "i'll take you home."

he stepped closer and suddenly she was hyper-aware of the proximity between the two of them. his frame was taller than hers, wider since he was more muscular than her as well. after a moment she realized he was waiting for her response, and she just nodded her head and followed him out of the dojo.

she had no idea that he drove himself. in fact, she didn't know as much about him as she thought.

there were a lot of things she knew: his tendency to run his hands through his hair, the habit of using the end of his shirt to wipe his face and accidentally flashing her, that he would do his schoolwork when others were sparring to keep his grades up. and that in his own way, he was a little bit of a flirt.

"can you tell me the way?" he turned the key and started the car, looking over to her. all he got in return was a hesitant nod and he was quiet for a few moments, keeping the car parked.

"do you want to go home?"

this surprised her. was she so easy to read? she said nothing, but he began to pull out of the parking lot and drove the opposite direction of where he would've gone to drive her home. the music in the background was soft, along with the muffled hum of the engine and the occasional ticking of a turn signal.

soon he had pulled up to a small park, deserted and quiet with very little of the city light shining through. he got out of the car, going to the other side and opening the door for her, taking her hand and looking down at her sweetly.

"come on."

he began to lead her towards the park, headed towards a hill peaking over small bundles of trees dispersed over the land. he sat down, leading her to sit next to him and laying down against the cool grass.

the silence filled the air for several moments between them, only accompanied by the murmuring of the city.

"this is where i come to get away." she turned her head to look at him, his eyes closed and his head resting on the back of his arm peacefully. he was calm, serene and seemed much more beautiful under the dim light of the stars.

he turned and met her gaze and she sat up to lean on her forearm, leaning just over his face.

as she leaned down, her hair fell around them like a screen separating them from the night, and his hand rose to caress the skin of her cheek. the sweet kiss lasting no more than a few moments, she pulled away and laid back down onto the grass.

this would not be their only rendezvous, and this world would become their own.

[ciricesghost]

I made a list of reasons why I think TF will off Copia sometime next year, and also reasons why I think he'll be around for longer because I just can't make up my mind. I'm rambling here, I've had this in my drafts for a while and just took notes whenever I thought of something. Most of this is just heavy speculation and probably doesn't make any sense!

OH LAWD IT'S COMIN':

✞ Copia acts paranoid on stage.

✞ Seemingly does things he doesn't have control over, as shown when he fingered the mic stand at a show and then immediately looked shocked at his own actions and stomped away.

✞ Hallucinated the creepy twins for whatever reason.

✞ He's won the second most employee of the month awards. Meaning who's #1? Was he deliberately made #2? Is the next Papa going to be the one that's won most awards?

✞ All Papas get switched out, that's just how it goes. Tobias has said that he'd keep Copia for longer than the other Papas, for 5 or so years. And he has, next year will be the 5 year mark.

✞ Papa IV said all good things must come to an end after the tour. And we all know Tobias is a sucker for double-meanings. He also says something similar in ROTS:

I'll be the shadow, you'll be the light, nothing ever lasts forever, we will go softly into the night

✞ There's been hinting at revival of one of the papas. The band t-shirt portraying Papa I, II & III which they called return of the living dead. Then the FTPTTP music video! Where Terzo really just rises from the dead, dressing into his papal attire and makeup. Terzo's foot also twitched in the Chapter Three video. They probably did this for shits and giggles but it's worth mentioning. I don't really see how he might come back from the dead after literally being beheaded but it's Ghost! So who knows!

✞ The Spillways music video quoting the bible verse. It says “I loathe my very life; therefore I will give free rein to my complaint and speak out in the bitterness of my soul".

✞ The Chapter 13 video. The Saltarian mentions the european summer tour. Lyrics from DATHML; When the summer dies, severing the ties...

The entire song is very soothing and bittersweet. Like Copia is comforting us. He repeats the lyrics I'm with you always. And at the end we're hit with; And all this time you knew, that I would put you through; the darkness at the heart of my love for you.

It's like he's saying that we've always known that one day he'll be gone, but we cared for him anyway. The darkness at the core of his love is the fact that it can never last.

The Saltarian told Copia it's sometimes more sane to remain in bliss. That feels like a hint to the audience to stop worrying about Copia and just tag along for the ride. This message could be taken any way really but I choose to interpret it as an 'enjoy it while it lasts' type of thing.

In that video, we can also see that Copia looks older. His hair is graying. His clothes on tour are also torn and ripped.

✞ The lyrics in Hunter's Moon;

I'm comin', I'm dying to see you one last time together

IT MIGHT NOT BE COMIN' (yet):

✞ Girlboss Imperator really likes him and wants him to succeed. She fought tooth and nail for him to become Papa. It's also heavily implied that she is his mother. She's quite unpredictable and manipulative though so the fact that she's his ma could be either good or bad/make no difference.

✞ Copia possibly knows what might be coming for him. The others didn't, they never expected to be offed (I think?). He thus knows what's at stake, and either makes sure he's still useful and valuable to the clergy, or he just chills out and has fun while it lasts until he inevitably dies (or goes nuts from the pressure).

✞ Tobias has said that he doesn't want to be repetitive (ie maybe not kill off all papas?). And now that we're all actively worrying about Copia and expecting him to die after the tour next year it feels like he might do something we do not expect.

✞ He's a damn good Papa, he's still relatively young compared to the others and there is no known next of kin or otherwise to pass the mic onto.

✞ Somehow this feels important; Papa Nihil was alive during the Papa Slaughter™. He's a ghost now, which may or may not change things in terms of how the lore progresses.

✞ Copia is different from the other Papas. Where the others were from the direct bloodline and got their titles practically handed to them, Copia has actually worked for it and earned it.

✞ There's been some talk of Copia being the antichrist.

✞ I have a feeling Tobias might gonna throw a curveball at us like kill him off just to revive him later. Papa Nihil did it, why not Popia?

✞ Covid stole 2 years of tours and thus potentially stalled the progress they could've made that Tobias is going to make up for now.

✞ They only recently released Impera. The album cycle may take longer to complete than til' next summer. They haven't even done all the songs on tour this year. They'll probably do the European tour and then USA again before any big changes.

✞ Copia will be replaced eventually for sure, but he might not be killed off. He's not Papa by blood. All the others were, and they died thus ending the bloodline, which was the point. Papa Nihil was the last known 'true' Emeritus alive to pass down the genes. Unless peepaw really is Copia's father. Point is that so far there really isn't any known reason so far for him to die just yet.

[maruyaaya]

Hey Imeda! I am Low! I read your Pandalily fic recently and I adored it! I saw that you haven't had this account long and since I can't peruse/stalk your account to satiate my curiosity I've decided to inquire here :) I hope you don't mind.

Do you have any specific Pandora or Lily headcanons you can share? Do you have any WIPs in the works? Do you have any songs you are listening to on repeat right now? What are the top 5 ships that are giving you the most insistent brain rot currently?

And finally, I am done pestering you and I'm wishing you a day full of wonder <3

OMG HI LOW!! yes absolutely i am always happy to talk about pandalily they are my beloveds <3 yeah i set up this acc relatively recently bc i wanted a fresh start for my ao3 and i haven’t really had the chance to do much on it yet (i am unfortunately a full time university student) but i am so happy you sent an ask bc i am always excited to talk to ppl!! feel free to send more asks or even dm me for whatever reason!!

i’m gonna do the pandalily headcanons last bc i have so many of them, but firstly do i have any wips:

oh i ABSOLUTELY have wips. i actually am the worst at starting wips and never finishing them, but as for main ones i’m working on rn, i have a prongsfoot wip that’s currently around 50k words 75% done, a marauders x daisy jones & the six au, a (you have to hear me out on this one okay bc i know nobody ships this but me BUT HEAR ME OUT) friends with benefits sirius x barty fic that’s about half done, and another pandalily fic that is basically just taking shape but i don’t have much to say about it yet (im actually just the worst multishipper ever and i ship my favourite character, sirius, with every single person who dares to so much as breathe in his direction)

songs on repeat

ok so i am totally willing to just link my spotify, in fact: here and i have a pandalily playlist in the works here, but specifically, i’ve had never love an anchor by the crane wives, three by sleeping at last, and funeral by phoebe bridgers on loop over and over as well as the entire daisy jones & the six album.

top 5 ships giving me brainrot

1. PRONGSFOOT!! prongsfoot is forever in my head as one of my fav ships ever

2. pandalily! i absolutely adore their dynamic and the little version of them that i have created in my head

3. rosekiller. i think this is a relatively unpopular opinion but i am so intrigued by their dynamic and i’m currently in the process of drafting a LONG fic about them but i haven’t done much work on it yet

4. dorlene. UGH MY OG ENEMIES TO LOVERS i am forever obsessed with them and i can’t believe i haven’t written them yet

5. normally i’d have jegulus around here i think but currently i’ve been having intensive brainrot about the idea of a dynamic between barty and sirius. i think they’re two characters who are very similar and yet hate each other and i think it’s really interesting to explore a two sides of the same coin dynamic between them and idk i have a lot of thoughts about them i could absolutely rant for a very long time abt the sirius/barty dynamic i have in my head

bonus bc it isn’t a marauders ship but my favourite ship of ALL TIME is soukoku, aka dazai/chuuya from bungou stray dogs. i like them a Normal amount (i’m crazy abt them)

and now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, here are a few of my pandalily headcanons that i can think of off the top of my head

first of all, my fav pandalily song is trouble by halsey. it’s literally them. that’s their dynamic to me

pandora’s much more open about her oddness and want for Blood while lily is more closed off about it. it’s still there—absolutely still there—but pandora kind of awakens it in her and helps her to realize that it’s okay to show that part of her

they met through james and regulus and often go on double dates with them

they absolutely get matching tattoos. probably ethel cain lyrics or something abt the inherent eroticism of cannibalism idk

my favourite headcanon is that pandora and evan are twins and evan tries to get lily the shovel talk when he meets her for the first time, but actually just ends up half in love with her bc he thinks she’s so cool

speaking of, evan and lily joke that they’re going to run away and elope so that evans name could be evan evans and pandora thinks it’s the funniest thing ever

bonus headcanon that evan is the older twin by a few minutes but pandora tells everyone that she is and he doesn’t correct her

they watched bones and all together and every 5 minutes they would whisper “this is so us” to each other

they absolutely LOVE baking together. they do it at least once a week and they make cookies or cupcakes or something and decorate them like pinterest photos and give them to their friends

they have two shared pinterest boards. one is really cutesy baking ideas and cute room decor inspo and the other is full of quotes abt cannibalism and blood and eating each other whole. they treasure both of these boards equally

lily is the biggest taylor swift fan ever and she makes pandora listen to her songs together. pandora moderately enjoys taylor swift, but will listen to her constantly to please lily. lily’s favourite song is this is me trying and pandora likes cowboy like me

they give each other flowers all the time (notably lilies ofc). pandora can’t stand to watch them die and always presses them and keeps them all in a little notebook with the date they got them

they’re obsessed with biting each other. like not even just during sex, they do it all the time. they’ll be watching a movie and pandora will just reach over and bite lily’s shoulder for fun

their favourite show to watch together is hannibal. they’re crazy about it. they rewatch it all the time to an unhealthy extent

they often say really strange declarations of love to each other in front of other people like “i want to eat you down to the bones” or “i want to rip open your skin and crawl inside your kidneys and sleep in there” and everyone around them just laughs nervously and can’t tell if they’re serious or not

i probably rambled much more than i needed to but i am always very excited to talk!!

[adxre-dejesus]

2:47 p.m.

A/N: aaaa my first one-shot on here! please feel free to leave constructive criticism and/or send a request for an imagine. While this isn’t necessarily an imagine, i hope y’all enjoy it! (i drafted this on docs so the format is a little weird, sorry)

Word count: 1194

Warnings: allusions to d*ath / Angst, and just a little bit of fluff.

I open my eyes to the rumbling thunder sounding outside my window, jolting me awake. The trees shook viciously outside, throwing brittle, warm toned leaves to the ground and splattered drops of rain onto the glass. I stared at the clear glass vase on my nightstand with wilting white and yellow flowers caught in my line of sight. The nightstand filled with fallen, dried up petals, dirty tissues, not allowing whatever thank you note accompanying the arrangement to see the light of day.

I rolled my eyes and shifted over to lay on my backside. Now facing the ceiling, I’m met with assorted helium balloons. The helium-filled foil clinging to the ceiling lets me know mom must have brought them in while asleep. “Get Well Soon” I scoffed reading the decorative balloons, not finding any purpose in them -- other than being a pollutant.

Sighing, I sat up and pulled the comforter off the top half of my body. Wincing at the pressure burning in my left side, I lean over, reaching for my phone. I let out a deep breath as the pain drifted away when I sat back up. I turn my screen over to check the time, the bright screen reading 2:47 p.m.

It hasn’t occurred to me to change my lockscreen picture to avoid fighting back tears every time I glance at my phone. It was set to a picture that animated on command. I pressed down on the bottom corner of the phone to bring the screen to life.

The video began with Chris moving away from the propped up phone, running back over to where I was standing with his skateboard. He ran up, putting a hand on my shoulder, the other reaching for the end of the board closest to the concrete

“Acuéstalo.” I leaned down, placing the opposite end of the board on the ground. I looked back up for further instructions, only to be met with Chris holding his arm out. I took it, and we exchanged a smile, followed by a light-hearted giggle from Chris.

“Ahora, sube este pie” he nudged my foot with his own, and I placed my left foot onto the board.

“Okay, vas a subir el otro pie y te apoyes aquí en mi brazo” he steps to stand in front of me and the board with both his arms out for me to grab onto. Looking up at Chris for his approval, with the bounce of his swooped highlighted hair from a nod, I brought myself onto the board and balanced myself with his forearms.

“You’re a skater girl!” Chris shouted with a wide smile, startling nearby park-goers.

“I’m a skater girl!” I mimicked him. A strong gust of wind blew our way, sending chills down my spine. I brought my hand up to my face to move my hair that was now scattered in front of my eyes. With another blast of wind, I lost my balance and in the blink of an eye I went down, bringing Chris with me, the skateboard rolling off to the side.

Chris landed on my lap and we both burtsed out into a loud, uncontrollable laughter

Wiping away the trail of fallen tears, I place the phone back on the nightstand and turn over, back into the dip that has formed in my bed over the past month. Just as I begin to close my eyes, my door flies open. I look up and see Mila standing in the doorway, arms crossed and a small frown on her face.

“Jess” she drags off looking around the room and scrunching her nose. Mila sighs, putting her purse on the dresser nearest to the door, coming over my way, sitting on a clear space on the bed, by my side. Dreading the conversation I know is coming, I groan and pull my comforter over my head.

“Jess, don’t start.” Mila yanks the covers back down and puts a hand on my shoulder. “Hun, i know you’re in pain right now, but you can’t just stay in here forever. I know you’re hurting and I'm sorry that I don’t know what to say to make it hurt less. What I can do is take you out of here and remind you that there’s still a whole world out there waiting for you to go out and keep moving forward.”

“No there isn’t!” i shoot up, “You don’t understand, it’s as if i were in the car with him, i’m crushed. Except I'm still here, and I have to live with the fact, the pain, knowing he’s not here anymore. Knowing there’s nothing I can do to make it stop hurting. To bring him back. It should have been me.”

“Je-“

I shove Mila’s arm away from my shoulder. Hot, uncontrollable tears streaming down my face, “It should have been me! He should be here! He had a future waiting for him. College, a job; he was supposed to have signed the lease for his first apartment last Tuesday. He was the only thing I had.”, I choked out a sob, “And now he’s gone.”

Bringing my forearm to my face, I wiped away tears and stray hairs. Mila has never been the best at consoling, yet she pulls me into an embrace, letting my ragged breathing disappear into her washed-out rolling stones t-shirt.

We stay like this for what seems like hours until I've calmed down. Mila pulls away, her now soggy curls removing themselves from my flushed cheeks. I keep my eyes down, gliding my hands in my lap, and trying to contain the sniffles still in my system.

“I think,” Mila breaks the silence, ”we should talk about this a little more, relieve you of a bit from all that you’re keeping in. What do you say?” I nodded, pulling my sleeve over my fist and rubbing my eyes. “Alright, how about we go down to Judy’s for some coffee and we can just talk about whatever you feel comfortable with?” I nod again, remembering the strong scent of coffee and toast, mixed with the cool air in our local diner. Mila gets up from the bed and walks back over to the dresser by the door.

“Take your time to get ready, i'll wait for you downstairs, then we’ll head out” Mila gives a gentle smile, grabbing her purse and walking out of the room, closing the door behind her. I get out from under the duvet and swing my legs over the side of the bed, my feet grazing dirty tissues scattered on the carpet. I refrain from thinking too much about the outing and instead stand up, stepping into the slides on the floor by my bed.

I pulled on a random sweatshirt from the edge of my bed along with my phone, reaching for the doorknob. Before I went out the door, I paused to look at the framed picture of Chris and I, looking into the same brown eyes I know would want me to take this step on. With a deep exhale and a nod, I continued forward.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

hey! so, i've been a huge fan of your writing for a while now. you always offer me so much inspiration within your stories, i absolutely love your ability bring life to all the characters and settings you write about. and idk if you're still accepting requests for your otp mix n' match challenge, nor if you'd even consider doing this request haha, but- could i perhaps request 15 & 11? i am super interested in potentially seeing what your take on my personal otp would be! much love either way

Hi, this has been in my drafts for like.... forever. Since April or May, I think? Oh boy. My apologies, I completely forgot about it until I stumbled across it today. But hey, better now than never, I suppose. Also thank you for your kinds words! I truly appreciate it! :D

“Louis and Mitch pretend to date to make others jealous but you know what happens.”

Read on AO3

This is a joke. 

This is a joke and he’s the butt of it. 

How did the fuck did he end up here?

Mitch knows this has to be a joke because Louis did not go through this much effort for it to not be a joke.

The remaining fries on the plate have gone cold, mushy beneath the squirt of bright cheddar cheese. Walter’s Diner has the best fries in this hellhole of a town, and usually, they’re the first thing he chows down before finishing his burger or even touching his shake. 

Fuck. Fucking hell. 

It’s hard to concentrate on and enjoy his food with Louis’ arm behind his neck, hand casually resting over Mitch’s shoulder as he and Violet argue whether they should order a basket of donut holes or four slices of peach pie for dessert. 

“They’re stuffed,” Violet says, pointing at the menu, reading, “‘Our bite-sized delights are baked to perfection, stuffed with our delicious cream cheese filling, and tossed in a heavenly mixture of cinnamon and sugar.’ And you’re telling me that doesn’t sound good?”

 “And you’re telling me that a slice of Walter’s famous peach pie doesn’t make your mouth water?” Louis sighs. “I’m salivating just thinking about it.”

Violet wrinkles her nose. 

“Peach pie sucks.”

“You suck.” 

“You suck.”

“C’mon guys,” Aasim butts in, eyes rolling in that exasperated way he gets whenever Louis and Violet do this. “Donuts suck, pie sucks, and you both suck. Let’s order ice cream.”

With a hand pressed against his chest, Louis lets out his fakest, most dramatic gasp. Next comes the obnoxious- and probably offensive- British accent.

“Why, my dear Mitch, Violet, did you hear what this lickspittle just said to us?”

Violet’s last tater tot goes flying as a response, bouncing off Aasim’s nose. 

“Are you serious?” Aasim snatches the tater tot back up, throwing it at Louis. 

“Hey! Rude!” Louis laughs, his arm slipping out from behind Mitch to try and catch the tot. “What did I do?”

Without a thought, Mitch grabs the offending tot and tosses it back at Aasim, who catches it and lets it drop onto his plate. 

“Knock it off, guys,” he says. “It shouldn’t take this long to decide on a dessert. I vote pie.” 

That makes Louis smile.

“Ah, a man after my own heart,” he sighs, shifting closer against Mitch’s side- Jesus Christ almighty- and pressing quick kiss against his cheek. 

Fuck everything. Fuck, fuck-

This causes Mitch to suck in a breath, only to cover it up by coughing into his sleeve. God, his face is going to melt off, especially if Louis keeps looking at him like that. 

“That’s not a surprise,” Violet rolls her eyes, ignoring the kiss and Mitch’s coughing fit. “He sucks, too.” 

“Can’t we just agree that we all suck?” Louis says. 

“Can’t you ever shut your pie hole?” 

“Can’t we all just order different desserts?” Aasim pleads, finger jabbing at the menu on the table to emphasize his point. 

Louis and Violet look at one another, puzzled as if that idea never occurred to them. At this point, Mitch didn’t even care about dessert, didn’t really even want any. 

Louis shifts and there’s the warm, distracting press of his knee against his and Mitch has never been so tense in his entire life. 

He's too fucking close. Too close. Too close. And he kissed him. On the cheek, sure, but fucking hell-

Never has he felt such tension in his body, even when something obnoxiously embarrassing passes his father’s mouth, or when Willy’s fingers slip from the branches of whatever tree he’s climbing and he almost plummets to the ground. 

He doesn’t know what’s worse: the fact that Aasim won’t stop gawking at them every time they do anything, or that Louis is fucking comfortable doing the things that make Aasim gawk in the first place. 

This whole thing is nothing but a cruel joke that Mitch was stupid enough to take the bait for.

And for what? A promise of Louis buying him lunch every day for a month? Was a free meal every day worth this level of anxiety and... gross feelings? 

“Fine,” says Violet. “I’ll eat a whole basket myself, but don’t any of you dare eyeball them. You had your chance.”

“I won’t eyeball your donuts if you don’t eyeball my pie.” 

“I won’t because pie sucks.”

“You suck!” 

“Oh my god,” Aasim abruptly twists around, desperately tapping on the shoulder of a now startled waitress. “Two slices of peach pie, a basket of donuts holes, and an ice cream cone to go. Please. I want to go home.” 

The waitress stares at him, baffled, before nodding and getting away from their table as quickly as possible. 

Louis chuckles, arm slipping back behind Mitch as he says, “I think she likes you.”

“Shut up!” Aasim frowns. “I swear to god...”

Louis continues to laugh, but he steals a glance at Mitch. Something softens and it’s... Mitch doesn’t know what the fuck it is. Ever since they started this, sometimes Louis will look at him like that.

From what he can tell, Louis doesn’t even look at the girl like that, and she’s the entire reason they’re doing this. 

That girl- what the fuck’s her name? He couldn’t have possibly tuned Louis out every time he mentions her- the redhead from his art class or whatever. She’s the one who started this bullshit.

About a month ago, Louis wrote him a note detailing, “I need your help. Meet me by the school entrance during lunch? It’s important,” while they’re in the middle of a pop quiz. As if Mitch didn’t have enough to worry about with all the damn fractions scattering the quiz, but then he was left worry about what the hell Louis needed his help with. 

Also, he did this without Mr. Garcia noticing. How the fuck that’s possible is beyond him. If they were caught, both of their quizzes would’ve been ripped to shreds. Mitch didn’t need that shit right now.

Then, the entrance was barely in sight by the time Louis snuck up on him, grabbed his arm, and proceeded to drag him outside and across the parking lot so they could hop into the safety of Mitch’s hand-me-down truck despite Mitch’s protests. He hadn’t cleaned his truck of its fast-food wrappers or loose sheets of forgotten homework in weeks, and that left him worried that the air freshener didn’t work. 

Finally, Louis managed to explain this so-called plan of his to Mitch with a straight face, not cracking once. He actually sounds serious enough that Mitch might’ve believed him if this bullshit wasn’t so... so bullshit.

“I really like her,” Louis had said, “and Violet said this kind of thing could get her attention.” 

Of course, Mitch didn’t agree so easily because the plan was- nd still is- stupid.

“You think pretending to date me is gonna get her attention?” he scoffed. “I’m not fucking doing this. Ask Vi.”

“I can’t ask Vi. She doesn’t date dudes and I’m pretty sure Brody would, like, break me in half or something.”

“Fine, Aasim then.” 

“C’mon, you know Aasim would never.” 

“Well,” Mitch threw his hands up. “I would never! Find someone else because I’m not gonna be your fake boyfriend so that you can make what’s-her-nut jealous!”

Jokes on him- Mitch’s been Louis’ fake boyfriend for weeks now because he hasn’t wooed what’s-her-nut yet. Which wasn’t that the whole point? They just pretend while she’s around? Not when they’re alone or when hanging out with Violet and Aasim? 

Louis said it was to make it as real as possible, just in case what’s-her-nut found out. That doesn’t explain why Louis is the way he is when it’s just the two of them. Doesn’t explain the kiss on the cheek. 

Mitch eats a cold fry, cringing at the taste. He can feel Violet looking at him while Louis goes on about something that happened in choir. When Mitch meets her eye, she smirks, raising a knowing brow. Mitch gives her a light kick under the table. 

When the waitress finally brings them their dessert in separate bags, she doesn’t stick around long and avoids eye contact with Aasim. 

“Hey, Vi,” Louis leans over her shoulder as they’re leaving the diner, “Can I have a donut hole?”

“I will stab you, your boyfriend, and your pie.”

“Hey, not my pie!” Louis grabs Mitch’s hand, knocking his shoulder into his. “Or my Mitch!” 

Fucking hell. 

Mitch doesn’t know how much longer he can handle this.