#idk how many younger followers i have but i know there's a few who are Young

[aromantic-diaries]

I specified in my blog intro that this blog is for all ages and is SFW aside from brief mentions of sex (which tend to be in the context of asexuality) and I was just about to add a sidenote that I do swear a lot until I realized that just because I'm 18 now that doesn't mean it's illegal for me to type the word 'fuck' when a minor might read it

[aemondsbabe]

Two Souls, Entwined

summary: dreams & dirty talk || helaena has been plagued with visions; things between her and her lady in waiting finally reach a boiling point

pairing: helaena targaryen x f!reader

warnings: mature/explicit, 18+ (minors dni!), no use of y/n, afab reader, wlw, mutual pining, angst but happy ending, dry humping, breast/nipple play, dirty talk but make it poetic and loving, slight aegon slander i broke my own heart, i love helaena sm, there needs to be more content for her i love her, let me know if i missed anything!!

word count: 4.1k

a/n: happy day ten of 12 days of smuff!! i'm actually very excited/proud of this one, it got a lot more personal than i was expecting! really feeding that scared bi girl i was in middle school idk. i hope y'all enjoy it!!!

12 days of smuff masterlist!

gif creds to @merrypembertons

likes, comments, & reblogs are very appreciated but never required!

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Helaena sighs when she opens her eyes and blinks, disoriented by the early morning light, her head still clouded with sleep. 

“Your friend is not a friend yet not your foe…” She whispers to the emptiness of her chambers, the cryptic phrase a familiar one now as it had been making its home in her head for the past few weeks. 

Sitting up with a groan, she pauses at the edge of her bed, staring blankly ahead as the cloudy figures from her dream seem to swirl around her still. She was growing frustrated with the shadowy shapes, as much as she hated to admit it – she did not often enjoy her dreams, they often brought news of unpleasant tidings, secrets that she alone seemed expected to bear, but for the past few weeks her dreams had been… pleasant. Joyous, in fact. Yet they seemed much further away than the others, only revealing small slivers of information to her night after night. 

She smiles softly as she gives one last glance out the window before padding over to the vanity in her chambers, determined to brush out her hair before the maids have the chance, they were always too rushed and hurried. Her mind drifts back to her dream as she runs a comb through her fair hair; lately, this mysterious dream seemed to be the only thing she could focus on for very long. 

The figure in it seemed so familiar, moving around her as if it was an old friend, someone safe. She sighed again as she thought, blushing despite herself as she recalled her latest vision, remembering how the shadow had moved about her, as if in a courting dance, before it leaned in closely, though if it were for a kiss or to whisper a secret she didn’t know. 

“Your friend is not a friend yet not your foe.” She repeats, as if the repeating will somehow reveal more. 

It puzzles her greatly, the feelings of safety mixed with distinct romantic desire, a deep wanting from somewhere within her. There aren’t many people she even feels safe around, and even less so those she’d ever felt romantic longing for, and a much shorter list followed of people who had ever felt romantic longing for her. She feels secure around her mother, of course, and grandsire and her precious younger brothers, but she cannot help but wrinkle her nose with disgust at the thought of romantic intent with any of them.

She blinks, setting her hairbrush down and biting her lip as she thinks. I feel safe with Aegon, she ponders, brows knitting together, He’s never given me a reason to not feel safe but… She sighs, not bothering to finish the thought. She was well aware her marriage was one of politics, not of love. She remembers there had been whispers of many suitors when she’d finally come of age; everyone from Aegon and Aemond to her half-sister’s bastard sons had been considered, and though Helaena appreciated some more than others… she didn’t desire any of them. 

Before she can help herself, her blue eyes flit over her own curves as she gazes at herself in the mirror, wishing, as she had so many times before, that she could reach out and feel her own reflection – feel a mirrored twin with similar soft skin and supple flesh. She wishes that soft, delicate fingers could touch her as well; she had grown tired of rough, battle worn touches long ago. 

Someone I feel safe with and feel romantic longing for, she thinks again, blinking rapidly as a familiar face immediately springs to mind yet again, just as it had every time she’d pondered this mystery for the last few weeks, only growing more frustrated. It can’t be, she’d decided that long ago, long before this vision began. 

But...

The Gods only ever seemed to show her visions that were assured, that would come to fruition, one way or another. Maybe… maybe that meant that y–

No, she thought, locking eyes with her reflection, Don’t be ridiculous. 

She smiles as she hears her chamber doors opening, at the same time they do every morning, and turns around on the ornate, cushioned chair at her vanity, her eyes locking with your familiar ones as you waltz it. 

“Good morning, Princess,” her heart beats a mite faster at the sound of your voice, at the bright smile that graces your lips as you stride to her, “I trust you slept well?”

“Good morning, sweet friend,” she greets you brightly, standing and pulling you into a hug as she did every day, “I did, quite peacefully, actually. And you?” She asked, trying to ignore the small voice that longed to hold you more closely, as she did everyday. 

“I did as well,” your hand lingers in hers for a moment as she steps away, sitting back at her vanity as the maids arrive, instantly fluttering around the two of you like a kaleidoscope of butterflies, “After we break fast, would you like to come to the gardens with me?”

Helaena merely nods, though inside she buzzes, her heart fluttering like a bird’s wings. 

I would follow you into the Seven Hells, she longs to say. 

You wake with a small start, your hand instantly flying to your lips. You could swear they still tingle for a second from when she’d kissed you, just before you’d woken up. Blushing, you glance around your chambers, as if there would be anyone else there, and finding them empty leaves you both relieved and disappointed all at once. 

Sighing, you slide off of your plush bed and walk over to your small vanity and use the small wash basin to splash water on your face. A small thrill shoots up your spine as you glance over your shoulder in the mirror, knowing from the position of the light filtering through your windows that it’s nearly time to go find your friend. 

Friend.

It’s a funny word, you think, not one you would have imagined assigning to the princess all the many years ago when you’d arrived at King’s Landing, young and eager to be a lady in waiting for Helaena. You can’t help the smile that blooms on your lips each time you think of her, your quiet, captivating princess. You meet your own gaze in the mirror and frown, looking at yourself in the way a disappointed parent would look at a child. 

Not yours, you chide, like repeating it over and over would make it hurt any less, Not yours, not yours, not yours. 

Sighing yet again, you rise from your spot at the vanity and quickly grab your robes, eager to escape your own thoughts. 

“This one is the iphiclides podalirius,” Helaena says, her voice soft as she marvels at the delicate butterfly perched on the back of her hand, “More commonly called the scarce swallowtail, I believe. It’s truly remarkable, normally they don’t travel this far north, though I’m told they’re a common sight in the gardens of Sunspear.”

“Then we are quite lucky to see it,” you smile, setting your embroidery hoop on the bench beside you as you study the yellow and black striped insect, though your eyes seem to drift to the princess on their own; you can’t help but smile as you see the way her beautiful sapphire eyes light up as she examines the small creature, “It’s very beautiful.”

Like you, you think, swallowing down the words. 

“Would you like to hold her?” Helaena asks, looking at you hopefully. 

As always, you nod, aware that you were the only one who seemed to entertain her fascination with insects and plants. Selfishly, you liked that. 

Slowly and carefully, Helaena guides the butterfly onto the back of your hand; the two of you sitting close together, close enough for your shoulders to press together. A giggle leaves you at the feel of the insect's feet on your skin, so small and light, like tiny, faint kisses.  

“Perhaps she was drawn to the hydrangeas,” the princess muses, “Those are new this year, though I suppose any of the other very colorful plants would spark her fancy as well, like the lilac or poppies or…”

It takes you a second to notice that she’s gone quiet next to you and you finally tear your gaze away from the butterfly, frowning slightly when you see the look on her face, her blue eyes hazy and unfocused as they flit back and forth like she’s watching figures you cannot see. 

“Princess?” You ask softly, reaching out to take her hand, only halfway aware of the butterfly fluttering away, “Helaena?” You ask again, a bit louder, gripping her hand tighter. 

“Your friend is not a friend yet not your foe…” She whispers, so faintly that the words scarcely leave her lips. Your frown only deepens, your eyebrows knitting together as you shake your head, trying to make sense of her words. 

“What?” You ask softly, used to hearing her mutter odd phrases but seeing her in a trance was something altogether different, “Helaena? Should I go fetch the maester?” You don’t know why you ask her, not expecting a response. 

The figure danced in front of her again, clouded in darkness, though instead of feeling cold and empty like the dark so often did to her, these shadows hugged Helaena like a blanket. 

She blinked, and suddenly everything changed, becoming clear as if she’d blinked away tears. The clarity was startling for a second as the edges of the figure sharpened before her, still leaning toward her as if it meant to whisper an amorous secret.

Finally, her eyes focused and in that moment, she felt as if she could be knocked over by the air current made from the flittery wings of a butterfly. 

You. 

It was you, just as she’d always suspected, standing before her as if you’d always been there. 

Your friend is not a friend yet not your foe. The phrase repeats in her mind like a mantra as she stares at you, marveling at the way you stare at her. 

Like she’s precious, something to be fawned over. Something to be… loved? 

Her heart hammers wildly in her chest as she reaches out, her fingers finally skimming over your cheek. 

She could cry, perhaps she is crying, she doesn’t know. The only thing she’s sure of is that this feels so right, like a puzzle piece within her has finally shifted and slotted into place. 

Just as it crosses her mind to lean in and kiss you, the vision falls away, words echoing in her mind as the gardens come back into focus.

Not a friend. 

Not a friend.

Not a friend.

Yet...

Not a foe. 

“Helaena, please!” You beg, urgency coating your voice as you lean in closer, closer than you’d ever dared before, praying to see some spark of recognition in the princess’s eyes. 

Suddenly, she seems to come back to herself, gasping as you jump back away from her, startled. 

“Oh!” She breathes, blinking a couple times before her blue eyes finally fix themselves on you, “I’m so sorry, I don’t… I don’t know what came over me.”

You shake your head quickly, moving back toward her and taking her hands in yours once more, your heart twisting as you notice them trembling slightly. “There’s no need to apologize, I’m just happy you’re alright.” 

The two of you sit in silence for a moment, Helaena staring at you in a way that makes your cheeks heat up, as if she’s seeing you for the first time, before she seems to catch herself and look away, much to your disappointment. 

“Was that one of your dreams?” You ask softly, looking down to where her hand rests within yours. 

“Yes.” She says simply, her eyes locked on the way your fingers overlap hers as she desperately tries to ignore the voice in her head telling her to enterwine them. 

“What did you see?” You ask, catching her gaze again. There’s a fire in her eyes now that makes you shiver. 

She’s quiet for a moment, neither of you so much as breathing as you stare at each other – the princess looking at you so intently you wonder if she’s trying to hear your thoughts. You pray she can’t. 

“Nothing of importance,” she says finally, pulling her hands away and standing from the bench suddenly, “They’re just shapes, really. Fuzzy things.”

“Alright,” you smile as you stand with her, picking up your embroidery hoop from where it had been abandoned at your side, “If you ever wish to discuss them, I would be more than happy to listen.” You tell her, desperately wanting to hold on to whatever moment you had just shared with her. 

She merely nods with a small, soft smile and holds her arm out for you to take, “Let’s go, we don’t want to be late for supper.” 

The fire warming your skin from the hearth in Helaena’s chambers normally felt cozy and inviting, but tonight the heat of it was stifling as the two of you sit in silence. Each of you is presumably working on an embroidery piece, although the atmosphere feels more like that of a stalemate with each passing moment. 

You can feel her looking at you, sneaking glances every minute or so. You imagine she can probably feel the same, perhaps that’s why she keeps looking your way, because you can’t seem to keep your eyes off her either. 

Finally, the tension in the room seems to boil over and you can’t take it anymore; your fingers dig into the wood of your embroidery hoop as you gather the courage to speak. 

“Have I… Are you cross with me?” 

“Pardon?” The princess asks, jumping a bit before laying her hoop at her side, her eyes wide as she looks at you unabashedly now. 

“You, well, you keep looking at me. I just, I’m hoping I haven’t offended you in some way.” You chance a glance at Helaena and quickly do a double take, heart clenching in your chest when you see that she looks as if she’s about to cry. 

“You haven’t,” she breathes, shaking her head emphatically, locks of pale hair cascading down her shoulders as she does, “I simply… I was considering the dreams I’ve been having, the one I had earlier today.” 

“But what does that have to do with me?” 

“You’ve been in them!” She says suddenly, loudly, like she has to force out the words. 

“What?” You blink. 

She sighs heavily and swallows, wringing her hands on her lap. “You were in them. You have been for weeks.” 

You wonder if the princess can hear your heart beating rapidly in your chest as you blink, silently praying to whichever of the Gods may be listening that Helaena’s dreams and your dreams were not somehow intertwined. In the back of your mind, you knew your pleas were useless. 

Your mouth opens and closes a few times like a fish that’s been plucked from the water before you finally find your voice, “What… what am I doing in them?” Your whole body buzzes, fearing the answer and desperately needing it all at once. 

The princess hesitates, you want to scream as you can all but see her weighing her options in her mind before she finally, finally speaks. 

“Courting me, kissing me.” 

A small withering, wounded noise passes your lips at her words. You feel dizzy, the room spinning as you feel as though the entire world is crashing down around you while at the same time, it’s as if a mountain’s worth of weight has been lifted from your shoulders. 

“And your visions… they only show things already fated to occur?” You feel frozen as you ask, not a muscle in your body moving. You know the answer even as the question leaves your lips, but you need to hear her say it. 

Helaena sighs and shakes her head, a frown cutting across her pretty face, “That’s why it’s frustrating,” she bites, spitting the words like the mere act of explaining is painful, “This one cannot come to pass, I do not understand why I see it…”

She keeps speaking, talking through her annoyance, but the sound of your own blood pumping wildly through your veins blocks out her words. 

No, your head pounds as you silently scream, No, no, no! Please, just let me explain, give me a chance, I’ll do any—

A loud sob cuts through your thoughts; the world seems to wrench its way back to you as you look at the princess, eyes widening when you see the tears flowing down her flushed cheeks. 

“You could never truly wish to…” She says slowly, brokenly, words fading like she can’t even bear to say them. 

“I do.” The words feel punched from your chest like you’re holding your heart out to the open air.

Helaena’s ocean eyes cut to yours as her breath hitches, the both of you not daring to move a muscle as you sit together on the small sofa in her chambers; the fire crackling in the hearth is the only indication that time has not ceased to exist. 

You aren’t sure who moves first, maybe the Gods have threaded the two of you together so tightly that you move as one, you can’t be sure. 

But her lips are on yours. 

And her hands cup your cheeks as yours scramble to fit around her waist, four hands poised on a knife’s edge. 

You sigh against each other, pulled together like a knot in a thread, and you gasp as you find yourselves pressed together, chest to chest.

Finally, you part for air, panting together as you stare, foreheads pressed together. 

“Princess—“

“You love me?” She asks, swiping a thumb over your cheek; it’s only then you realize you’re crying. 

“Yes,” you breathe, your hands grip her tighter, pulling her impossibly closer to you, “And you?” 

“Yes,” she echos, her thighs slotting over one of yours as she climbs atop your lap, “You are my heart beating out of my body.” 

Her words zap through you and your heart twists in your chest as your hands clamber against her, your lips press against hers again urgently. Twin moans, muffled into each other's mouths, sound between you as your hands cup her rear, pressing her more urgently against you. 

“You are beautiful,” you sigh, hands grabbing at her plush curves through the silk fabric of her skirts, “You’re so soft and —“ 

“Warm,” she breathes, moaning into the column of your neck as her lips move against your skin, “You’re so warm, my love, like the sun.” 

My love. The pet name sends a shiver down your spine as the two of you move together, pressing kisses against whatever patches of skin you can find, rocking together instinctually. The firmness of her thigh presses deliciously against your center, your skirts rucked up enough to bare your smallclothes, which press welty against your core. 

You gasp, pressing a kiss to the princess’s collarbone as her hips move tantalizingly on your thigh, the warmth between her legs nearly suffocating as you whimper and sign against each other’s soft skin. 

“I have always loved you,” you confess, nearly coming undone as she begins tugging at the ties at the bosom of your gown, her hands shaking as she pulls them loose, “Always, from the first moment I saw you.”

She makes a noise between a moan and sob as she finally tugs your bodice loose, and you whimper as her lithe fingers ghost over your breasts, causing your back to arch into her touch. “I’ve always loved you too,” she sighs as her soft hands cup your chest, kneading the flesh in her palms, “I always wanted to court you, marry you, I,” her voice breaks off in a faint, high-pitched whine as you finally manage to unbutton the bodice of her gown, she savors the feel of your lips and hands against her breasts for a moment more before continuing, “Gods, I wished to bed you, I’ve always longed to know what you would feel like, how sweet you’d taste.”

Her confessions nearly make you weep as you kiss over the fat of her breasts, keening into her supple skin as she delicately pinches at your nipples, “I have only ever thought of you, my sweet princess,” your chest heaves as you speak, your words muffled as you lick over her nipple, “When I sleep, when I wake, when I–” The words stick in your throat as you freeze, peering up at her through your lashes, somehow still impossibly afraid of going too far, or too fast, or too anything. 

“When you what?” She asks, her voice so soft and sweet as she stares down at you, her fingers digging into your breast and side as her sapphire eyes flit between yours, “Tell me, my love, when you what?” She urges, her hips moving somehow more desperately against yours, only serving to fuel the fire slowly building within you. 

“Gods, when I touch myself,” you whisper, shuddering as she lets out a breathy moan above you, “When I peak, sweet princess, I think only of you.” Your confession ends in a sharp gasp as she angles you backwards, anchoring you to her with an arm wrapped tightly around your waist. Her lips trail down your neck and collarbone before finally, she presses firm, fiery kisses to your breast, panting as she wraps her petal pink lips around your nipple and sucks, pressing her thigh more firmly against your center as she does. 

“I think only of you too,” she breathes, blue eyes fluttering up to yours as your hands tangle in her pale locks, “Every time I touch myself, I dream of you,” she mumbles around your breast, her touch all but burning into you as she kisses across your chest before mouthing at the other side, “When my brother beds me, it is you I see, my precious lady.”

You practically sob as her admission sends you reeling, each cell in your body bursting like lightning from a stormcloud as you peak. You’re useless to do much else other than tremble in her hold as shivers travel in currents down your spine, your smallclothes no doubt ruined as your center clenches frantically at nothing, your pearl so taut and achy as it twitches against the princess’s thigh. 

You don’t waste a second when your high subsides, moving frantically as you push Helaena back, slotting yourself perfectly atop her, pressing your thigh between her legs like it’s the last thing you’ll ever do. Your skirts fan out around your bodies, blanketing your forms in a soft sea of silk, your bare chests pressed tightly together as you rut against her, needing to see her awash with pleasure more than you need breath in your lungs. 

“My love, my sweet princess,” you sigh into her mouth, your tongues swirling together as she all but cries beneath you, her hands digging possessively into your waist, “I am yours, my love, until the end of my days.” You swear, pressing your thigh tightly against her center, and your heart soars as she finally shatters in your grasp.

You watch, enraptured, as she peaks; mesmerized at the blush that blooms on her skin, at the way her blue eyes roll back as her eyes flutter closed, at how her breasts heave as she sucks in desperate breaths. The sounds she makes seem to pierce into your soul, each whimper and moan and cry ripping away parts of you until your heart is stripped bare, beating only for her. 

The two of you lay in a heady silence for many moments, the only sounds being your soft, panting breaths as you each come down and the ever-present crackle sounding from the hearth. 

“Your friend is not a friend yet not your foe.” Helaena whispers, her voice raspy as she speaks.

“Pardon?” You ask, pulling back from her embrace just enough to meet her gaze.

“That phrase,” she explains, her eyes glimmering in the firelight as a smile steadily blossoms on her pink lips, “I kept hearing it, in my dreams about you.”

You stay silent, tracing soft circles on her soft skin, leaving room for her to continue.

“I wasn’t sure at first, but now I see.”

“Hm?”

You aren’t my friend, the Gods spoke truthfully,” she beams, radiating joy as she studies your face, “You’re my love.”

Her statement is simple, but it makes you smile all the same as you press a sweet kiss to her lips.

“Yes,” you nod, pulling back to meet her eyes as you lay a hand over her heart, “Always.”

tagged lovelies: @helloworldiamnotarobot @drakonflames @marysucks-blog @watercolorskyy @valeskafics @iamaegontargaryenwife0 @aemshaircare @1997babyyyy @lovellies @little-moonbeam-666 @blackswxnn @alerisc @fan-goddess @wickedfrsgrl @moonriseoverkyoto @echos-muses @schniiipsel @avidreader73 @marvelescvpe @imawhorecrux @grsveeth0m

(tags are based on your answers to my google form; if you were mistakenly tagged, please contact me & update your answers on the form! thank you!)

[mamaestapa]

Let Me Make It up to You

•pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

•series summary: Y/n Hubbard, the younger sister of Cincinnati Bengals Defensive End Sam Hubbard, finds herself in a difficult situation after a steamy hookup with her brothers best friend, who just so happens to be the quarterback for the Bengals. In just nine months their lives will be changed forever. How will Y/n and Joe manage to to go through parenthood together? more so, how will Sam take the news he is going to be the uncle of his best friends baby?

•chapter summary: It’s the day of your OB appointment and you decide whether or not to hear our and forgive Joe for the past couple of days

•word count: 5.8k

•warnings: pregnancy, some angst, crying, fluff, SMUT—foreplay, unprotected p in v sex, make up sex, breeding kink if you squint?? could be really hot could also be cringe, IDK lol

series masterlist

——————————————————

April 13, 2023

5 months pregnant

"Good morning, Y/n." Tee greeted with a pearly white grin as you walked into the kitchen. You returned the smile, wishing him a good morning as well. As you walked into the kitchen, the delicious smell of bacon frying on a skillet and golden brown pancakes cooking on the griddle filled your nostrils. You sighed contently as you sat down on a barstool.

"It smells wonderful Tee." You said, eyeing the bacon that was stacked onto a plate. Tee smiled, "Thanks. It's all for you," he opened a cupboard and pulled out a plate, handing it you, "figured you and Baby Burrow-" he paused, correcting himself, "Baby Hubbard Hubbard-Burrow, whatever you call him. Could use a nice breakfast before your appointment." He finished, that sincere smile still on his face. You smiled sweetly at him, "That's really nice of you, but you didn't have to do that."

"Yeah I did," Tee nodded, picking up a piece of bacon and popping it into his mouth as he put two perfectly prepared pancakes onto your empty plate. "You've been through a lot these last couple days, it's the least I could do."

Tee has been such great company these past few days. He's always there for you, whether it's for a shoulder to cry on or to indulge in your cravings with you. Tee is truly a great friend, and you are so thankful to have him with you during a time like this.

You put a generous amount of butter and syrup on your pancakes as you replied. "I should be the one doing this for you Tee," you said, gesturing to the plethora of breakfast foods sitting on the kitchen counter. "You're the one that's letting me stay with you for so long, taking care of me and making sure I'm OK."

Tee sat down across from you, smiling softly as he said, "Y/n, it's nothing. I know you'd do the same for me, plus," he gestured over to you, "I had to make sure my nephew was taken care of."

A small smile pulled at your lips. This baby was already so loved by so many. You were extremely thankful that your baby boy was surrounded by so many great people that were excited to be his honorary uncles.

"Well, thank you," you placed your hands on your swollen tummy, "He and I appreciate it very much." Tee smiled, "You're welcome. Now, finish your breakfast. You've got an important appointment in less than hour." You chuckled slightly at Tee's command, not hesitating at all to dig in to the delicious breakfast that he had prepared for you this morning.

After you finished up your breakfast with Tee, you brushed your teeth and came back downstairs, going into the entryway to put your shoes on. As you walked past the kitchen, Tee followed you to the entryway of his home, leaning against a wall and crossing his arms over his chest as he watched you slide your shoes on.

“You sure you don’t want me to go with you?”

You shook your head, smiling softly at him, “I’m sure. I told Joe he could go, so I won’t be alone.” Tee raised his eyebrows at your words. “You sure that’s a good idea, Y/n?”

Not really. You think to yourself.

“I don’t know. I wasn’t going to let him go, but he guilted me into saying yes.” Tee furrowed his brows this time at your words. “He guilted you?”

“Yeah.”

“How did he guilt you?”

You crossed your arms over your chest, “He said it was his baby too and he that he deserves to be there. Plus, he referred to the baby as Peanut,” a small frown etched its way onto your face, “Joe hasn’t called the baby Peanut in months and it made me feel guilty I guess.”

Tee just hummed at your words. He glanced at his phone and pointed at the door.

“You might want to get going.”

You smiled, “Yeah, I will.” You walked up to Tee and got up on your toes, placing a soft kiss to his cheek. It was purely platonic—something you’ve done many times to Tee and Ja’Marr when you say goodbye or before you say something sentimental. You pulled your head away from Tee, a smile on your face as you again thanked him sincerely.

“Thank you for everything you’ve done for me these past couple days, Tee. You’re a great friend, I appreciate it.”

Tee smiled and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a hug. He squeezed you gently as he said, “Of course. Anything for you and the little man.”

You pulled away from Tee, both of you wearing smiles as you looked at each other. You said goodbye and told him you’d be back later, unsure on a time since you didn’t know how long your appointment would be today. You left the house and got into your car, plugging in your phone and turning on your favorite artist as you drove to your OB appointment.

When you pulled into the parking lot of the doctors office, you immediately noticed Joe’s car parked in his usual spot in the parking lot. A small smile pulled at the corners of your mouth as you looked at the car parked in the spot. He called it his spot at your doctors office since he always parked there so you didn’t have to walk a long ways. You parked and took a deep breath as you unbuckled your seatbelt and got out of the car. You walked into the doctors office, smiling at the nurse that sat at the front desk.

“Hi Y/n,” she smiled, “You’re all checked in.”

You smiled and thanked her, slightly confused at how you were already checked in—until you saw Joe, who perked up in his chair at the sound of your name being said. He must've checked you win already. The two of you made eye contact, his blue eyes locking with yours made your breath hitch in the back of your throat. You hadn’t seen Joe in days. As much as you were upset with him, you couldn’t deny that it felt good to see him. You hated to admit it, but you did miss him a lot. Your baby boy did too. Both of you had a hard time sleeping at night without Joe being around. Your unborn son would only calm down at night if Joe talked to your belly. Something about the sound of his daddy’s voice calmed your baby, and it calmed you, too.

Joe smiled softly at you as you sat down in the chair next to him in the waiting room. You returned the smile as an awkward silence fell between the two of you. Neither one of you really knew what to say to the other. Joe soon broke the silence with a simple hello.

“Hi Y/n.” He said softly, “It’s good to see you.”

“Hi.” was all you said as you looked over at him. Joe rubbed his palms on his shorts as his eyes trailed down your body, stopping once they got to your tummy. You watched his chest rise as he took a deep breath. You could tell he wanted to reach out and greet the baby he hasn’t talked to or felt move in days, but he held himself back. Joe’s eyes moved back up to yours, the two of you sharing so many unspoken words just from one look. Joe was about to say something when a nurse came out from the back and called your name.

“Y/n Hubbard?” She called out, eyes looking around the waiting room. A wide grin grew on her face as her kind eyes landed on you. You stood up and returned the smile, following her out of the waiting room. You got to the doorway that lead into the hallway when your footsteps suddenly stopped. You felt a pang of guilt as you turned around and noticed Joe was still sitting in the chair, his shoulders slumping slightly as he watched you walk away from him. You took a breath as you prepared yourself for what you were going to say to him.

“You can come too.” You said softly. His blue eyes lit up as he sat up in his chair. “R-really?” he asked, sounding taken aback by your words. You nodded, a small smile pulling at your lips. “Yeah.” Joe couldn’t help the hopeful smile that appeared on his face as he stood from the chair. His eyes welled up with tears and his chin quivered slightly as he walked up to you. Joe was filled so many overwhelming emotions right now. He didn’t think you’d want him in the room with you, but he was so happy you allowed him to. You could tell he was trying to hold back tears—which he successfully did, but you knew him being in the room with you today was totally unexpected for him.

You and Joe followed the nurse back to the room. Joe couldn’t keep his eyes off of you as the nurse took your vitals. He was so happy you let him come to appointment today despite everything that’s happened, but he was even more happy that you let him be in the room with you.

“Doctor Montgomery will be in shortly.” The nurse said with a curt nod. You smiled and thanked her before she walked out of the room, Joe doing the same.

Once the door latched, you looked over at Joe. Being in the same room as him again and looking into his beautiful blues made you feel so guilty. Guilty for the way you reacted when he got home, and guilty for how you’ve been treating him the last couple of days. You never gave him a chance to explain himself or the photos. It took you a couple days of sulking to realize that you overreacted, and that you were in the wrong in this situation. You should have never accused him of the terrible things you had accused him of. You should have given him the chance to explain himself before you stormed out. You felt terrible, and you knew Joe deserved an apology from you. You just hoped he would accept it. You hurt him a lot more than you thought you did.

“Joe,” you said softly, “I’m sorry.”

Joe shook his head, wetting his lips before he spoke quietly, “Let’s not talk about it right now.” Your heart dropped with disappointment. However, you nodded in agreement at his words. You could talk about it another time. The doctors office isn’t the place and now is definitely not the time to have a serious conversation like the one you needed to have. The two of you sat in silence as you waited for Doctor Montgomery to enter the room. A couple minutes passed before you heard a knock on the door. Doctor Montgomery entered the room, smiling widely as she greeted both you and Joe. She sat down in the chair and put hand sanitizer on her hands, rubbing them together as she spoke.

“How have you been Y/n? Feeling good?”

“I’ve been great,” you smiled, putting a hand on your bump, “baby boy and I are happy and feeling good.”

“Great.” she said with a sweet smile as she reached over to grab her clip board. “Today should be an easy appointment. No ultrasound today, but we will be listening to his heartbeat.”

You and Joe smiled. Hearing your baby boys heartbeat was always wonderful. It was such a comforting feeling, hearing your sons heartbeat. It always left you content knowing that he was safe and healthy in your womb.

Doctor Montgomery had you pull your sundress up so that she could put gel on your belly and find your unborn baby’s heartbeat with the fetal doppler. She put the wand over your lower belly, spreading out the gel as she searched for the baby’s heartbeat. You held your breath as you waited for the sound of the baby’s heartbeat to fill the room. As your OB moved the wand around to the left side of your lower bump, a loud whooshing sound came from the doppler. Wide grins appeared on all of your faces at the sound.

“There he is. Hi baby.” Doctor Montgomery cooed with a smile as she held the fetal doppler against your skin. Joe reached out to grab your hand, which you instantly grabbed and entwined your fingers with his. A smile pulled at his lips from the sound of his sons strong heartbeat and from your actions. Joe was so glad you weren’t pushing him away. He was hopeful that this appointment today would make things between the two of you better, and go back to the what they were before.

Doctor Montgomery took the doppler off of your belly and gave you a towel to wipe the gel off. After you wiped the gel off of your tummy, your OB took measurements of your bump, checking to see if you and your baby boy were growing at the rate you were supposed to.

“Everything looks and sounds perfect, guys. Y/n, you’re measuring a little small, but it’s nothing I am concerned about at all. Baby boy might be a little smaller than the two of you were anticipating.”

Joes face grew concerned at your doctors words. “How small is he measuring?”

“I originally estimated that he’d be around eight pounds when Y/n gives birth. But now I think he’ll be closer to seven.”

You and Joe nodded at her words. It's not much of a difference, but pushing out a seven pound baby sounds much better than pushing out an eight pound baby…

“Like I said,” she assured, “I’m not concerned at all. This is good news for you, Y/n.” You chuckled, pulling your dress back down. “Yes it is. Pushing a seven pound baby out of my girl parts sounds much better.”

Doctor Montgomery and Joe both chuckled at your statement. Your statement was true though. The rest of the appointment finished fairly quickly since there was no ultrasound. Soon after Doctor Montgomery left the room, you and Joe left the doctors office together. Joe walked you to your car, thanking you for letting him come into the room with you today. You sat down in the seat and just looked at Joe. The two of you staring at each other, feeling the tension grow between you as neither of you exchanged a word. Joe sighed deeply as he put his hands in his pockets.

“So, you going back to Tee’s?” He asked, voice quiet. You wet your lips and nodded, “Yeah.” Joe just nodded, his lips forming into a straight line. It broke his heart just a bit to hear that you were still going back to Tee’s after the interactions at your appointment today. While it made him a little disappointed, he was willing to wait. He was willing to wait for you when you were ready to come back home.

“Well,” he said, voice soft as he spoke. His eyes were locked on your belly momentarily before they traveled up to your eyes, “I’ll be waiting for you at home when you’re ready.” With that, Joe walked away from your car and over to his. You watched as he got in the drivers seat and shut the car door. Many thoughts pondered through your mind as you watched Joe drive away from the doctors office.

Seeing Joe today made you feel all sorts of emotions, the biggest being guilt. It made you wonder if you did the right thing by leaving so suddenly, and not even giving him a chance to explain himself. You sat in your car and thought about what to do.

Do you really want to go back to Tee’s?

Do you think you can go back to Joe’s? Should you go back to Joes now?

As you thought about what to do about your living situation for now, it hit you. Even if you were still a little upset, you needed to do the right thing—the right thing for you and your baby boy.

~time skip~

“Hold on, I’m coming!”

The door swung open, making your breath hitch as you made eye contact.

“Hi Joe.” you breathed out. His eyes widened in shock. He was surprised to see you at his door step. His mouth hung open slightly before he spoke. “Y/n, hi.”

You shifted awkwardly, “Can we talk?” Joe paused for a second, still in shock to see you at his doorstep. “Y-yeah,” he said, stepping aside, “Of course.”

You walked into the house, your suitcase trailing behind you. Joe smiled to himself as he turned around and shut the door. You showing back up with your suitcase was a good thing, maybe even a great thing. Joe locked the front door and followed behind you, reaching out for suitcase.

“Here, let me take that.”

You stopped walking and let go of the suitcase, letting Joe take a hold of it and take it upstairs for you. You followed behind him, going off in the opposite direction once you were upstairs. Joe went to put your suitcase in your room while you went into Joe’s room instead. You walked around his room, smiling to yourself as you noticed the pictures Joe had placed on his night stand. There was a picture of you and Joe from gender reveal, the two of you were grinning happily as you looked at the blue confetti surrounding you. The second picture was your favorite, it was an ultrasound photo from the night of Emmas baby shower. You traced your finger over the black and white silhouette of the baby.

“I look at that picture every night.”

You jumped slightly at the sudden sound of Joe’s voice. You pulled your finger away from the photo and turned around, smiling slightly at Joe.

“You do?” you asked, voice soft. Joe nodded, quirking a smile, “Yeah. Always reminds me that he’s OK and healthy.”

You hummed softly and sat down on Joe’s bed, a slight frown on your face as you looked at him. It felt good to be back home and with Joe again. However, you couldn’t help but still feel terrible for how you treated him the last couple of days. Joe crossed his arms and walked up to where you sat on the bed. He let out a sigh as he uncrossed his arms and slowly lowered himself onto the bed next to you. Both of you looked at each other at the same time. It was obvious that the two of you had many thoughts and words that you needed to share.

"Joe," you said softly, your eyes welling with tears, "I am so sorry." Joe nodded, acknowledging your apology. He cleared his throat before speaking wholeheartedly "I'm sorry too."

You shook your head, "You have nothing to be sorry for. I was the one that was overreacting. I accused you of awful things, and I believed stupid rumors I found on Instagram fan pages. I was the one that hurt you, Joe. You have nothing to be sorry for." You said, voice trailing off to a whisper. Joe frowned softly as he reached out to grab your hand, "It's my fault you felt like that for days, Y/n."

"No it's not, I overreacted." You said, voice growing quiet. "I saw those pictures of you and Alexis, and all I could think was that you didn't love me because you could have someone like her instead."

Joe frowned, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion, "What do you mean?" 

"Look at me Joe. I'm huge and I'm too emotional. I don't look like the girl you loved months ago." You said gesturing to your body.

Joe's frown deepened. How could you say things like that about yourself? In Joe's eyes, you were the most beautiful woman in the world. You always have been, and always will be. No one compares to you.

"Sweets, you're not huge. You're pregnant, your body has to grow a bit and make room for our baby. And you're not too emotional." he softly assured you, "all of this you're feeling is normal, Y/n."

You watched as Joe hesitantly brought a hand to the center of your belly. So many emotions were shining through his beautiful blues as he looked into your eyes. Your eyes showing the same emotions as you placed a hand on top of his. A small smile pulled at the corners of Joe's mouth.

"You're beautiful, Y/n. Even more now that you're pregnant with my baby."

You smiled softly at his words, making Joe's smile grow a bit more. He slowly rubbed your bump as he continued to pour his heart out and hopefully fix the situation he put the two of you in days ago. "For as long as I've known you, you've given me everything I could have asked for. I don't want someone 'like Alexis', when I already have someone like you."

Tears welled up in your eyes as you listened to Joe's words. All of the sadness and resentment you felt about him was completely gone now as you looked into those beautiful blues you loved so much.

"Let me make it up to you," Joe whispered, his eyes full of love as he gazed at you. He reached out and placed a hand on your leg, tracing his long fingers up to your bare thigh where the hem of your short dress was. He gently squeezed your thigh as he looked into your eyes, "Let me prove to you how I really feel about you, Y/n."

The mood in the room changed dramatically as the two of you could feel the emotional tension release and the sexual tension grow between you both. Your heart swelled as that familiar warmth pooled in your belly. You hadn't felt like this in months. The last time you felt this way with Joe was the night your baby boy was conceived... Speaking of your baby boy, as much as your body desperately wanted to be touched by Joe, you couldn't help but worry about what it may do to your unborn baby. Would it hurt him? Would it hurt you? Will it make you go into pre-term labor? What about bleeding? You cant go through that again.

"What about the baby?" you asked softly, voice growing worried, "I don't want to hurt him." Joe shook his head as he moved his hand off of your thigh and back to your bump. "He'll be fine mamas. I'll be gentle, promise." A sly smile pulled at his lips as he said those words. You just nodded softly, your nod giving Joe permission to show you how he really felt about you.

As you have a nod, Joe leaned forward, hovering his lips just over yours before he slowly brought his head down and crashed his plump lips to yours. The two of you immediately moving your mouths in sync as if it was second nature to both you and him. You haven't shared a moment like this in months. Your bodies were aching, dripping with desperation for the others touch. Joe pulled away from you and brushed the pad of his thumb across your cheek, gently wiping away the tear that rolled down your cheek.

"I love you Y/n." he whispered wholeheartedly. Your heart swelled with an overwhelming feeling of love as Joe gently pushed you against the mattress of his bed. He hovered over you once again as he brought a hand down to your shoulder. He rubbed his hand down the soft skin of your arm before bringing it back up to where the sleeve of your dress was. Joe pulled the sleeve down your arm just enough to expose your bare shoulder. He eyed you as he brought his lips down to your shoulder, sucking at the exposed skin. Your breath hitched as Joe moved from your shoulder to your chest and your neck, making sure to leave love bites as he moved to each location. Joe's hands toyed with the neckline of your dress as he pulled away from you. His lustrous eyes showed an intense gaze as he looked down at you. His body language begging for you to let him take the little sundress off of your body.

"Take it off, please." You breathed out, your quiet voice desperate as you spoke. Joe eyed you as he gently pulled the blue sundress down your body. His blue eyes trailed down your body as he took in your changing features since the last time he's seen you in such an intimate setting.

Your previous flat tummy was now round with a twenty week baby bump, a bump that he put there. A bump that he loved so much. Your breasts had swelled a couple sizes bigger since the last time he's seen them, too. They fit your body perfectly, even more than they did before. Joe felt a sense of pride as he took in your new features. Your body, the body of the woman he loved, was preparing for the baby boy—his baby boy growing in your belly. It was a sight that made Joe's excitement grow more and more.

"You are so beautiful," Joe purred as he hesitantly took his eyes off of your growing belly. You blushed deeply as Joe smirked and pushed your body down onto the bed, careful not to be too harsh with his movements. He didn't want to hurt you or his baby. He's done that enough the past few days.

Your breath hitched as Joe placed his hands on both sides of your baby bump as he started to generously suck and kiss at the buds on your swollen breasts. You whimpered involuntarily at the feeling of his tongue moving against the sensitive area. Joe pulled his mouth away from your breast with a pop. His face growing with concern as he brought all of his attention onto you, making sure you were OK. "Did I hurt you?"

You hastily shook your head no. "Feels good," you said, "Really good."

Joe smirked slightly and went back to loving on your breasts. He made sure to swirl his tongue over your darkening nipples before he took each one in his mouth, sucking on the bud generously before releasing his mouth with a gentle pop. After loving on your breasts, Joe left a trail of kisses from the center of your chest and down your swollen tummy. As he left a gentle kiss just above your belly button, the baby kicked at the contact of the Joe's lips. A wide grin pulled at his lips as he chuckled softly.

"Hey little man," Joe whispered into your skin before leaving another gentle kiss to the same spot he did before, “I’ve missed you so much.” You couldn't help but smile as you watched Joe communicate with his son while he showed you how much you meant to him. All of the anger and sadness you felt toward Joe was completely gone, and taken over by nothing but love and pure happiness.

Joe brought his head up to yours, gently smashing his lips onto yours. The two of you kissed passionately as your hands found their way up to Joe's slightly grown out, dark blonde waves. You tugged gently at his hair as your mouths moved in sync. Joe groaned against your lips at the feeling of your soft hands pulling his hair. You brought a hand away from Joe's hair, letting it slowly trail down his broad, muscular back before you hooked your finger under the hem of Joe's Bengals t-shirt. You tugged at the material of the shirt as Joe pulled away from you, gently tugging your bottom lip with his teeth as he detached his lips from yours. He smirked down at your figure laying underneath him as he took his shirt off in one swift motion, doing the same with his shorts. Both you and Joe were left in nothing but your undergarments, which those too, were removed shortly after Joe took his articles of clothing off.

Joe gazed down at your bare body, making sure to keep his gaze longer on all of his favorite parts of your body.

Your eyes...your lips...your breasts...your baby bump... your legs.

Joes intense gaze made you shy away, your hands immediately covering your swollen breasts while you clenched your legs together to hide your most intimate area. Joe gently pulled your arms away from your breasts, shaking his head at you.

"Don't shy away from me Y/n," he leaned down to kiss your breasts before he kissed your lips, "you're beautiful." You smiled and brought your hands up to his back, your nails slowly digging into his tan skin as he moved his head down to your dripping core. He maintained eye contact with you as he licked a stripe up your folds, teasing you, making you moan in pleasure and beg for more.

"Mph, Joe..." you whimpered out, "please.”

Joe chuckled as he moved his face away from your bottom half. He moved back up so he was face to face with you. He looked at you with a look of love as he spoke softly.

"If you want me to stop, just tell me OK?" You just nodded. Enough of the talking, you needed him badly.

Joe placed a kiss on your nose, making you smile sweetly up at him. His hand brushed over your belly as he positioned himself against you, lining up his erection with your entrance. He maintained eye contact with you as he pushed himself into your wet folds, the sounds of your small whimpers and moans filling the bedroom from the intimate skin on skin contact. Neither you nor Joe have been touched like this in months.

As Joe thrusted into your hips, your nails scratched down his bare back, leaving just the slightest hint of red scratch marks on his light skin. Your breathing quickens as his thrusts grew deeper. You were a whimpering mess underneath Joe. He couldn't help the smile that tugged at his lips as his ears filled with the sounds of pleasure you were making. Joe loved the sounds you made...

Joe's thrusts continued as both of you had beads of sweat dripping down your face and your body. The sounds and smell of sex was quickly filling the room. As Joe made love to you, he kept his blue eyes glued on yours, constantly praising you. He praised you for how well you were taking him.

"You're taking me so well, sweets." You moaned as your hands tugged at his unruly waves with each thrust Joe took. "That's it..." He grunted out.

Joe reminded you how much he loved you, and how much he loved your body—especially your bump. Joe was making you feel like the only girl in the world.

Joes thrusts grew deeper to the point where he was hitting your cervix, each thrust making you whisper in pleasure and beg for more. You could feel a familiar warmth pool in your belly as your chest rose and fell with each shaky breath you took.

"Joe," you moaned out, "I'm so close." Joe nodded, letting out a light moan as he spoke, "That's it," he thrusted again, placing a hand on your tummy, "cum for me, mamas."

Joe maintained eye contact as he slowly reached out to grab your hand with his, the two of you lacing your fingers together as you rode out your high and came down on his manhood. You squeezed each others hands as your face contorted into a look of pleasure as you came. Your moans soft as you were in a complete state of bliss from being fucked by Joe. Soon after you came, Joe did too as your bodies moved in sync. The two of you together in this intimacy just came naturally. You knew Joe's body and he knew yours just as well. The two of you sharing moments like this was like it was meant to be.

Joe buried his face into your neck and grunted as he came inside of you. His cum mixing with your own, dripping out of your folds and onto the bedsheets beneath you. The two of you stayed entwined together, your hands interlocked and foreheads touching as you both caught your breath and recovered from your intense orgasms.

“I love you Joe.” You said as your chest was still heaving with each breath you took. “I love you too.” He said, pressing a sweet kiss to your lips. Joe pulled himself away from you, getting out of bed and sloping his underwear on. He walked into his bathroom and grabbed a washcloth, bringing it out and cleaning you up between your legs—which you were extremely grateful for. After cleaning you off, he leaned down to gently kiss your belly, your baby boy kicking in return. The action made both of you and Joe chuckle happily. Joe tossed you your panties and crawled back into bed next to you. He wrapped his muscular arms around your body, placing his hands on your swollen tummy. Oh how he missed this…

“I’m glad you’re back home, Y/n. I missed you and baby boy so much.”

You smiled, “I know. We missed you too.” You turned around in Joe’s embrace, taking in all of his features. His blue eyes, his button nose, his pink lips. You loved all of Joe’s features just as much as he loved yours.

“Can I stay here with you tonight?” You asked, voice hopeful as you asked your question, “I missed you Joe.”

Joe kissed your forehead making your heart swell, “Of course, you don’t have to ask.” He spoke softly.

You smiled and turned back around, snuggling yourself further into Joe’s warm and comforting body. The two of you hummed contently, happy to be in each others arms after being away from each other for so long.

You still had to discuss things with Joe, but you knew that could wait for the morning after. For now, you were going to enjoy the moment of being back in your home with your favorite person laying next to you while the two of you—from the outside of course, embraced the baby growing in your belly.

hey loves!!

so y/n and joe have made up (in multiple ways😉) and the angst fest is over!! yay!

well, its over for now…

we’ve still got over a little less than 30 chapters left, and they can’t all be fluff can they? we’ve got a lot to get through babes. i hope you’re all up for everything i’ve got in store for ya!😉

i apologize if the smut was cringe, i’m not the best smut writer in the world lol. but we needed some more in the story and i thought this would be the PERFECT chapter for it because who doesn’t love some lil makeup sex in a story?!

anyways, i hope you all enjoyed this chapter!! i’ll have more coming soon. thank you for your continued love and support with me and this series!! i love and appreciate every single one of you☺️🤍 also, thank you for being patient with me with this update today. i had things come up throughout the day where it made it difficult for me to write, so that’s why this update is super late today. i promise the next one will be earlier!

tags: @dandelionwrites8 @joeburreauxsworld @theflawedwriter @mrsshiesty @ann288 @ijustcrypretty @theoneandonlyfanz @wickedfun9 @venus-b @hummusxx @stainednailpolishremover @a-moment-captured @alternativemadchen @erinmartin1987 @sirlewisworld @kkrenae @unhingedfangirl @sublimemusic-rebel @meameagirl @ilovejoeburroww @hallecarey1 @j-worlds-blog @blinkloverx3 @jordyn14 @kristencochefski1125 @ryiamarie @unsaidjaelinrose @sinners-98-world @ozwriterchick @evernova @fangirl-madz @jackharloww @fantasywritersstuff @emherb10

[dysfunctional-doodle]

What is your favorite and least favorite version of all the turtles?

I feel like it’s fairly obvious who I favour the most if you read my chat fic, Too Many Turtles (I have a lot of bias, oops) but I shall break it down.

Ok so favourites:

1987: Michelangelo (come on, he’s a surfer dude and actual angel)

90’s: Donnie (the snark he has with Casey makes my day, though Mikey is still second because he genuinely has the best relationship with Donnie I love watching those two interact)

2003: Mikey, duh. Just look at my blog and my fanfics. I love this chaotic gremlin.

2007: Mikey (again! Especially after hearing about the cancelled sequel of him joining the foot, his brothers demutating, etc. I will say I am looking forward to finally getting to the 2007 plot line in my chat fic, it’s gonna be great >:) )

2012: Raph (I haven’t watched much 2012 at all, I just can’t. I don’t know why people think it’s good in all honestly aside from a few episodes, but from what I’ve seen and mostly read about Raph gets way too much abuse dude, someone give this turtle a hug)

Bayverse: Donnie, followed closely by Mikey. (Idk why but the “younger sibling energy” they give these two is actually great. And Donnie’s little stims and the fact that he licks the icing off pop tarts and puts them back in the box just about pushes him above Mikey.)

2019: Mikey (again. Come on. Have you seen him in that movie?)

Rise: Donnie, followed closely by Mikey. (For me they are both pretty much even in different ways. I love Donnie’s chaotic neutral status and Mikey got boosted quite a bit after the movie, and the rage I feel whenever I hear about hall the episodes he was the star of but then they cancelled almost all of them.)

Mutant Mayhem: Mikey (Something about seeing him sadly look through a sewer grate at the humans with that music in the background made me want to protect him forever. Also I love his effort to try and be a comedian but his jokes are…um yeah. As a second I would actually say Leo - I know, strange for me - but idk, he’s just an anxious mess.)

And now least favourites, strap in boys:

1987: uuuh Leo I suppose. Kind of a fun sponge

90’s: again, Leo (though this doesn’t mean I dislike him; I really liked how happy he got when Raph woke up and the way he guarded him before then. He’s just the least favourite.)

2003: Leo (again, the same reasoning i iterated with 90’s. I really like this Leo but compared to the other brothers…he falls a little shorter.)

2007: Leo (Patronising Asshole)

2012: OK, this one is weird. I dislike Donnie the most by far only when he is simping for April. When they let him not have this as his only character trait he’s actually fun to watch but DEAR GOD I hate him when he kept being a creep to her.

Bayverse: Leo (He insulted Mikey, he must die /jk)

2019: Um I guess Raph? I like all of them pretty much equally, don’t really have a least favourite at all.

Rise: Leo (yeah I don’t like him. Don’t get why the fandom does. Still an ass)

Mutant Mayhem: Donnie (idk why, I like everyone else much more. Don’t get me wrong, I still like him though)

[cactusringed]

You know, whilst obviously a cushy ass job, I don't think many people appreciate how difficult and stressful content creation is. Humans were never meant to have millions of eyes on them and especially people in their 20s or lower are never going to be the perfect emotionless content creating machine

Idk, it's just the way I see some people talk about CCs is kind of painful. Maybe I'm being a bit parasocial, but a few are around my age, or even younger, and I can't help but wonder how horrifically choking it must be to have to continuously entertain millions of people. I know it's easy to forget just how much that is. But even one million is a staggering amount of people. Many of them have over 5+ million subscribers.

And worse yet is that they have to balance their genuine friendships and emotions with what will be considered entertaining to an audience. It's easy as scarian girlies to be upset when Grian avoids Scar so much in the life series since third life, but I think that annoyance is a bit misplaced both because 1. They still interact quite a bit and their interaction are always full of joy and radiate with their friendship even when they play enemies, and 2. In the grand scheme of things, we remain a minority within the 8 million people who are subscribed to Grian. Many more would be annoyed to get the same storyline over and over.

There is an unfortunate pragmatism that content creators in such series have to employ. They need to juggle between their friendships, the people they tend to hover around, and the idea of what would make good content. As much as scarian girlies would eat up 5 seasons of scarian alliance, the nature of their natural friend dynamic as well as the series in general would lead to it being repetitive. It would lead to decreased viewer satisfaction. Decreased viewership. Decreased money. They're in the unfortunate position of monetizing their friendships. Who they ally themselves with is not just a matter of who they like most, but it's also a business decision. None of us are in the position to fully appreciate that, unless there are content creators with millions of followers in the midst of mcyt fans ig.

Idk. Idk. Maybe I'm too protective of CCs or whatever. But I've seen too many folks completely dehumanise them and fully forget that they're just dudes playing Minecraft for a living with their friends in front of million of people. A lot of these dudes are in their 20s or 30s. Hell, even those in their 40s have a right to struggle with shit as well. That level of attention on you can be terrifying. They reserve the right to do what they fucking want, and furthermore reserve the right to offer the kind of content they want. And maybe that includes not exploring a storyline or trope or character the fandom is hyped about because they got spooked by the attention, or flat out aren't comfortable with it. Maybe it's trying to be aware of how often they magnetize towards their closer friends, and thus avoiding making all of their videos about them, because they want to ensure the amusement of the million of people who watch them.

Idk. Idk. There's a level of entitlement we can sometimes feel towards the CCs that we as a fanbase - that we as individual people - need to be aware of and question. These are people. They're professional but not in the same sense that film actors are professionals. The majority of them completely stumbled into their popularity and their spontaneity ends up weighed down by that awareness of an audience. Idk. Grian won't read your posts about him but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be kind

[lily-radiance]

Random fic headcanons and ideas:

TWD season two Daryl Dixon with an S/O who's in trouble

Both loners

MC is not from Georgia

Early 20s MC dating mid-30s Daryl

She knows how to shoot archery bows but not crossbows

Touch-starved

Andrea considers MC like another younger sibling

Everyone advises Daryl not to go for you and vice versa

When Rick, Hershel, and Glenn go to the bar, MC accompanies them. Daryl only goes when Lori tells him that you are in danger.

Carol gives him advice

Andrea and Lori warn him if he breaks your heart, he's a dead man.

RE4 Leon with a high school best friend who became an Umbrella Scientist.

MC was initially training for the force with Leon but dropped out to find another passion

She wants to help people but gets pulled into Umbrella’s dark research

Leon caught a glimpse of her at the end of RE2 but couldn't be sure if it was her.

Ashley doesn't trust MC, but Leon ignores it

Both have combat experience and have undergone physical conditioning

MC does not have Las Plagas

Krauser spars with MC, causing Leon to jump in.

Krauser asks Leon to choose between you and Ashley.

IDK if Leon would be sweet here or a Yandere.

Arkham Movie Trilogy Jonathan Crane, Harley Quinn, and Poison Ivy x Psychiatrist reader

This story is currently in progress!!!

Reader works at Arkham Asylum

Friends with Bruce Wayne

Knows about his alter ego and occasionally helps him solve cases

Reader believes Bruce should do more with his money to benefit Gotham

Combines Heath Ledger’s Joker with Margot Robbie’s Harley Quinn

The reader was in the same major as Harley in college, and the two dated briefly

Harley constantly teases the reader when she catches wind of a new crush

You try to ignore her, but eventually can't as she warns you that the doctor is deadlier than he lets on

You brush it off, too fond of your coworker to accept the notion that he can hurt you

Bruce doesn't like your new counterpart, picking up a destructive energy that screams guilty

In defiance, you decide to bring your beaux to one of many parties and get on your friend’s last nerve.

A kiss is shared in front of the crowd, some murmuring complaints while others smile. You wish to stay in Jonathan’s arms, but the moment is interrupted as Bruce pulls you aside

Naturally, two upper-class socialites fighting in front of an audience calls for bad publicity, but not on your part

“If you keep this up, you'll become a sewer rat criminal just like the rest!”

Luckily, you decided to wear a few rings to accentuate your outfit. Not only do you look stunning, but you reel back and land a brutal slap on his cheek. Yet that doesn't hurt as much as your following words.

“How dare you, Bruce. How dare you scrutinize what you can never understand. Thomas and Martha would be ashamed of you, and you, of all people, know they were difficult to rattle. Next time you need anything, ask someone who gives a shit.”

Your friend has to watch in shock as you exit the home, arm linked with a man he despises. Even in disagreeable situations, you manage to exhibit grace and elegance. It's the beginning of a new era and the opportunity to forget the complex life of the wealthy.

“Is your hand alright, (Y/N)? Better yet, are you okay?”

Never underestimate a psychiatrist to get into your head. He walks you to the car, watching your lips tremble in the darkness. You meet his stare, and one thought crosses your mind: kissing him sounds lovely. The doctor is efficient at picking up social cues, leaning down to meet your lips, and extinguishing the frigid temperature.

“As long as I'm with you, Jonathan. I can do anything with you by my side, no matter the risks.”

I want to make the reader an anti-hero vigilante with the “Grim Reaper” theme. Supernatural powers in Batman don't really occur so I will brainstorm. Most villains are the work of genetic experiments gone wrong so maybe I'll work with that?

JD(Heathers 1989) dating the reader

You are friends with Veronica and the despicable Heathers

Instead of going along with their charades, you often argue and challenge Heather Chandler

She constantly threatens your social standing but knows that the campus would easily choose you over her.

Purple color coded

JD can't help but admire your tenacity as you begrudgingly follow Veronica to the table, attempting to stop the girl from doing Heather’s bidding.

When you walk over, he seems uninterested in the girl speaking to him, instead transfixed on your disinterested attitude. Unknowingly, you lick your lips, tasting lip gloss and wiping some glitter away. When you lock eyes, you swear your heart stops beating, drawn to his carefree attitude.

Veronica says a few words to you, trying to convince you to let her administer the lunch poll

As she talks, you playfully roll your eyes, causing the delinquent to smirk in your direction. He hides a chuckle from breaking out, finding your careless joking funny given the circumstances. When Veronica walks off, it allows you to sit across from the newcomer, albeit a little too eagerly.

“Mind if I ask for a smoke? I'm dying from boredom.”

“Sure, I could never say no to a girl like you. I’m guessing you’ve been trying to break from those devils all day.”

He lights your cigarette as you take it between your teeth, enjoying the visual more than he lets on.

“It's all thanks to you, my knight in obsidian armor.”

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

Nash and Xander hc?

nash and xander head canons

i'm literally so in love with both of them, and i need more of them (jlb im begging). might be shitty bc my period is making me want to dig my own grave rn and bury myself (also not proof read)... hope you like them<3

xander will ramble to nash about his inventions

nash helps him saw wood pieces and things for his gadgets bc xander won't admit it but he's scared of saws.

at first, when xander first started hanging out with his father, nash would follow him to make sure nothing bad happened.

nash tried to teach him how to drive, but xander is crazy behind the wheel so nash gave up

when they were younger, xander used to love it when nash would give him piggy back rides

nash would not let anyone touch xander when he was a baby. he held him all the time and didn't want to let him go

xander will visit nash at the bar when he doesn't come home for a few weeks bc he hates when he isn't home. nash always feels bad and goes back

nash read him bedtime stories (he still does)

xander surprises him with taylor swift merch or gadgets he created that are taylor swift themed or smth (idk what this could be but we all know that xander would make them hand made gifts) (nash is canonically a swiftie)

they make memes together/send each other cringy memes

nash installed a mini fridge in xander's lab and stocks it up regularly to make sure xander eats

nash will sometimes find xander sleeping in his lab, and will somehow manage to carry him up to his room.

xander was nash's best man at the wedding and nash was his.

they'll wake each other up by blasting taylor in their speakers (cause they totally have speakers in their rooms)

both avid romance readers who host a monthly book club with grayson (nash is more of a fan of contemporary romance whilst xander is more into dystopian and stuff)

xander didn't have many friends when he was younger bc of how much of a nerd he is. nash used to pick him up from school and take him to lunch.

when xander was younger, he was afraid to be himself bc of the hate he received online (as a literal child, also xander said people have hated him his entire life so..). nash used to encourage him to be who he wanted to be by buying him things he could use in his lab or stuff like that. nash is the reason why xander isn't ashamed of himself.

xander used to hide under nash's bed and try to scare him when he was younger

he would get nash to check if there were monsters in his closet when he was like 5.

nash used to help him study for his tests (not bc he needed it but he liked being around him (same goes for xander))

nash got xander to teach him how to bake so that he cold bake libby little treats.

they have staring competitions when xander does something nash doesn't approve of or thinks is dangerous. the one who loses basically admits that the other is right. nash pretty much always wins.

xander takes pride in being taller than nash (xander - 6'3 and nash - 5'11 (i think)). he'll walk up next to him and pass his hand over his head and then over nash's to flex (idk if this makes sense)

nash taught xander how to twerk after his bachelor party.

xander was aware of how nash felt like he had to keep this whole family going when he was younger. he used to cuddle up next to nash at night to try to make him feel better.

they like going out and buying tiramisu (their dog) little outfits.

xander learned how to make hats to make nash cowboy hats.

xander had a button collection (idk why) when he was younger, and whenever nash used to grow out of his button shirts, he would rip out the buttons and give them to nash

nash is always the first to try out his inventions. xander will call him the second its ready and he'll drop everything to go see xander

xander used to make dances and make nash watch them (he was like 7 and would make a choreography to love story by taylor or smth)

might make a part two for them bc i absolutely love them and need more.

[hxney-lemcn]

To Fight For What You Love — Luke Skywalker x gn! Bounty Hunter! reader

summery: Being a bounty hunter for Jabba leads you into babysitting Han. Who knew that would mean you saving a princess and the rebel alliance in the process.

tw: reference to suicide (like the sayings, not actually talking about suicide). Fighting? Idk, anything in A New Hope.

a/n: Y'ALL 😭 I WAS NOT EXPECTING THE FIRST CHAPTER TO BE NEARLY 10k WORDS ODEWOKHVGK SAVE ME CUS I'M DOING ALL THE OG MOVIES

wc: 8.6k

Master List

Part One | Part Two

(Read on AO3 here if you'd rather)

I stood still as the Tatooine suns beat down on the sand. I watched through my goggles as Jabba called out to Han Solo. I’ve only seen him a few times, some smuggler. Had a silver tongue and tried to talk his way out of many situations, but this time Jabba wasn’t going to fall back. 

Who am I? No one special. I’m a Devaronian, from planet Devaron. My father convinced my mother to allow me to come with him somehow. We landed on Tatooine, the heat reminding us of our home (although it was a lot more dry than we were used to). Quickly, my father couldn’t find work and landed in the clutches of Jabba the Hut. He tried to keep me out of it, but if he didn’t teach me how to fight…let’s just say Jabba had a different plan for me than being a bounty hunter like I currently am. 

I turned around as Han came into the area. I repositioned my scarf back over my nose as it shifted down. 

“Right here Jabba,” Han said. “I’ve been waitin’ for you.” The others pointed their blasters at him, but I just crossed my arms, ready for this to be over. I need to make more money for my family after all, and I can’t do that sitting around here.

“Have you now?” Jabba asked incredulously. 

“You didn’t think I was gonna run, did you?” Han asked back.

“Han,” Jabba started. “My boy, you disappoint me. Why haven’t you paid me and why did you fry poor Greedo?” I tensed slightly as Boba Fett stood beside me. We never seemed to be on good terms. I suppose we were competition after all, but that’s why I let him claim all the bigger bounties, so he understood I wasn’t after his position.

“Jabba,” Han responded. “Next time you wanna talk to me, come see me yourself. Don’t send one of those twerps.”

“Han,” Jabba sighed, shaking his head. “I can’t make exceptions. What if everyone who smuggled for me dropped their cargo at the first sign of an imperial starship? It’s not good business.”

“Look Jabba,” Han said defensively. “Even I get boarded sometimes.” Han walked on his tail before continuing, “You think I had a choice? But I got a nice, easy charter. I’ll pay you back, plus a little extra. I just need a little more time.”

“Han, my boy,” Jabba gave in. “You’re the best. So, for an extra 20%...”

“15, Jabba, don’t push it,” Han interrupted. 

“Okay,” Jabba agreed. “15%. But if you fail me again, I’ll put a price on your head so big you won’t be able to go near a civilized system!”

“Jabba, you’re a wonderful human being,” Han said sarcastically.

Jabba motioned for the others to leave, but halted me, “You go with him, keep an eye out.”

I blinked, not believing this, “Will I be paid?” 

“Yes,” Jabba said, waving his hand. “8% of Han’s payment.”

I tried to hide my surprise, knowing Han owed a lot. I nodded, and quickly followed Han and his co-pilot, Chewbacca inside. They looked at me, hands on their blasters. 

“Aren’t you supposed to take your leave?” Han asked, raising an eyebrow. 

I raised my hands in the air in fake surrender, shrugging, “I was ordered to come with you.”

“Great,” Han rolled his eyes. “Just what we need, a baby sitter. And you’re younger than me!”

I tugged my tan scarf under my chin and sighed, “Look, if it makes you feel better, I don’t want to be here either.”

“Whatever,” Han grumbled, standing up. “Don’t touch anything, Chewie, guard the door and escort our guests. I’m gonna go fix what I can.”

The two left the ship and I sat down behind the table. Moving my goggles onto the top of my head, I rested my arms on the table, looking around. It was not the best looking ship. Dusty, probably from the Tatooine climate, a lot of parts seemed rusted. This was going to be a long ride. 

I nodded at Chewie as he walked through to the cockpit. He didn’t even acknowledge me. A few minutes later, the weirdest group boarded. Two humans, an older man and a guy around the same age as me, and two droids, an R2 unit and 3PO protocol droid. 

“Hello,” I greeted with a small wave. 

“Who are you?” The guy with blonde hair asked. I tried to ignore the way my mind immediately went to admire him.

“I’m-” I stopped once I heard the sounds of blasters being fired. I stood up quickly, making my way outside, blaster at the ready. I started shooting at the troopers. “Get on!” I shouted at Han. He kept shooting, running backwards towards the ship. I kept shooting, but Han grabbed my arm, pulling us into the ship. He shut the door behind us before running towards the cockpit.

“Chewie!” Han shouted. “Get us out of here!”

Not knowing what to do, I followed him, wanting to help however I could. I sat down in the seat behind Chewie, putting on my seatbelt. They quickly flew out, quite the bumpy ride. 

Chewie growled something, Han replying back, “Looks like an imperial cruiser. Our passengers must be hotter than I thought. Hold ‘em off. Angle the deflector shields while I make the calculations for the jump to lightspeed.”

“Is there anything I can do?” I asked hesitantly. There was a reason why I was a solo bounty hunter, and that’s because I was really awkward with others. It didn’t help that Han seemed to have a sort of disdain of me being here. 

“Yeah,” Han said sarcastically. “Don’t touch anything.” 

I let out a huff under my breath. That was the second time he said that to me. I haven’t even done anything wrong! And it’s not like I have an incentive to sabotage him or anything either!

“Stay sharp. There’s two more comin’ in,” Han said to Chewie. “They’re gonna try and cut us off.”

The two human passengers came in standing next to me.

“Why don’t you outrun them?” The blonde guy asked. “I thought you said this thing was fast.”

“Watch your mouth or you’re gonna find yourself floating home,” Han snapped. “We’ll be safe enough once we make the jump to hyperspace. Besides, I know a few maneuvers, we’ll lose them.” One of the imperial starships started shooting at us, and I held on tighter to my seat as the ship started shaking. “Here’s where the fun begins,” Han smiled. 

“How long before you can jump to lightspeed?” The old man asked.

“It’ll take a few moments to get the coordinates from the navicomputer,” Han replied, flicking switches.

“Are you kidding?” Blondie asked incredulously. “At the rate they’re gaining?”

“Traveling through hyperspace ain’t like dustin’ crops, boy,” Han snapped once more. “Without precise calculations, we’d fly right through a star, or bounce too close to a supernova, and that would end your trip real quick.”

Wanting to deescalate the situation, I decided to speak up, “I’ve mostly heard rumors about Han, but it’s common knowledge that he’s a pro at getting out of sticky situations.” They didn’t seem any more at ease at what I said, but blondie only continued his nagging.

“What’s that flashing?” He asked, pointing to a flashing light.

“We’re losing the deflector shield,” Han replied, batting blondies hand away. “Go strap yourselves in, I’m going to make the jump to lightspeed.”

Pulling a lever, the stars warped around us. I sighed, finally relaxing at the fact that we weren’t being shot at. I unstrapped myself as we glided through the universe. I followed Chewie into the main room of the ship. I sat next to him, watching curiously as the old man was teaching blondie something. 

Blondie glanced back at us, “You never got to tell us who you were.”

“Oh,” I said somewhat awkwardly. “I’m with Han-” Chewie growled out, probably in protest to what I said. “Well, I mean Jabba sent me to go with you. My name is (y/n).” 

Blondie nodded, “I’m Luke, that’s old Ben. And those two are C3PO and R2D2.”

I nodded, “Uhm, nice to meet you.”

“It’s good to see that there are still many Devaronians about,” Old Ben smiled. “Though I’m surprised that you’re so young.”

“My dad took me with him,” I shrugged, looking over to see that Chewie was starting a game of dejarik. 

Nodding, Ben turned towards Luke, who turned on…was that a lightsaber? I’ve only heard tales of the Jedi. Being Devaronian, we tend to be force sensitive. Though we do not focus on these attributes of ourselves. I myself was not force sensitive, but my mother was. Although we do not focus on the force, we are taught the basics, and a little about Jedi. My father told me about their eradication, so seeing that they weren’t all gone was a marvelous sight. 

I was brought out of my thoughts when I heard Chewie growl. I looked over at the board and watched one of Chewie’s pieces be killed. Leaning over I pointed out what I thought was the best move. This went on for a bit, but Chewie quickly grew frustrated.

“You can forget your troubles with those imperial slugs,” Han said while walking into the room. “I told you I’d outrun them.” Han took a seat next to Ben who didn’t seem to be doing well. I turned my attention back to the game. “Don’t everybody thank me at once,” Han said sarcastically. Chewie groaned as another piece was killed, and I tried to find a way to redeem the game. “Anyway, we should be at Alderaan in about 0200 hours.”

Chewie ignored the spot I pointed at, and C3PO said, “Now be careful, R2.” The R2 unit killed another piece and Chewie growled loudly. I sighed, holding my head in my hands. “He made a fair move. Screaming about it can’t help you,” C3PO argued. I shook my head.

“Let him have it,” Han spoke up. “It’s not wise to upset a Wookiee.” 

“But sir,” C3PO replied. “Nobody worries about upsetting a droid.”

“That’s ‘cause a droid don’t pull people's arms out of their sockets when they lose,” Han replied back with a smirk. “Wookies are known to do that.” I shifted slightly away from Chewie, not wanting to be on the other end of his aggression.

“I see your point, sir,” C3PO nodded. “I suggest a new strategy, R2. Let the Wookie win.” I let out a slight chuckle, I suppose I don’t have to help out Chewie anymore. 

My eyes wandered back over to Luke, blocking against a training droid. He sure did look like a Tatooine local. Blonde hair that swooped out, tan skin from the twin suns, and a typical outfit you’d see of a farmer on Tatooine. What stood out the most were his blue eyes. I never met someone whose eyes drew me in so much. I wanted to just stare at him, but I knew that was weird, so I kept my attention on what he was doing. 

“Remember,” Ben spoke out. “A Jedi can feel the force flowing through him.” 

“You mean it controls your actions?” Luke asked. 

“Partially,” Ben replied. “But it also obeys your commands.” The droid hit Luke, causing Han to laugh.

“Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a blaster at your side, kid,” Han said condescendingly. 

“Hey,” I spoke up with a glare. Han only rolled his eyes at me.

“You don’t believe in the force, do you?” Luke asked. 

“Kid, I’ve flown from one side of this galaxy to the other,” Han replied. “I’ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but I’ve never seen anything to make me believe there’s one all-powerful force controlling everything. There’s no mystical energy field controlling my destiny. It’s all a lot of simple tricks and nonsense.”

“You clearly haven’t been to Devaron,” I scoffed. “I remember the elder matriarchs raising a statue without lifting a finger.”

“Tricks, I tell you,” Han scoffed, waving me off.

“I suggest you try it again, Luke,” Ben said, changing the subject. Grabbing a pilot helmet with the blast shield down, he handed it to Luke, “This time, let go of your conscious self and act on instinct.”

“With the blast shield down, I can’t see!” Luke exclaimed. “How am I supposed to fight?”

“Your eyes can deceive you,” Ben replied. “Don’t trust them.”

Hesitantly, Luke lifted the lightsaber back up. Immediately he got hit. I winced slightly for him. 

“Stretch out with your feelings,” Ben instructed. This time, Luke managed to block three blasts. “See? You can do it.” I clapped quietly, a small smile on my face. Taking off the helmet, Luke glanced at me with a smile before focusing on Han and Ben.

“I call it luck,” Han dismissed. 

“In my experience,” Ben spoke up. “There’s no such thing as luck.”

“Look,” Han replied. “Good against a remote is one thing. Good against the living, that’s something else.” 

I rolled my eyes, “Don’t listen to him. That was really good, especially for a beginner.”

“Thanks,” Luke thanked, his grin growing. 

A beeping sounded and Han spoke up again, “Looks like we’re coming up on Alderaan.” I moved out of the way as Chewie got up to go to the cockpit with Han. I let out a silent sigh as I held my head in my hand. Hopefully on the way back we don’t have to deal with the damn Empire anymore. I was brought back to the real world when suddenly the ship started shaking. Ben, Luke, and I all looked at each other before quickly going into the cockpit to see what was wrong.

“It’s not on any of the charts,” Han said, looking at the panels. 

“What’s going on?” Luke asked. 

“Our position is correct, except no Alderaan,” Han explained. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion, watching rocks fly towards us. 

“What do you mean?” Luke asked. “Where is it?”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you, kid,” Han explained. “It ain’t there. It’s been blown away.” I felt my heart drop, because I mean…just how was that possible? We were currently flying through the remains of a planet? One that held so many lives?

“What? How?” Luke asked, voicing my exact question.

“Destroyed by the Empire,” Ben spoke up.

“The entire starfleet couldn’t destroy the whole planet,” Han replied incredulously. “It’d take a thousand ships with more firepower than I’ve…” The ship started rapidly beeping. “There’s another ship coming in,” Han reported.

“Maybe they know what happened,” Luke said hopefully.

“I have a feeling they aren’t going to be too friendly,” I murmured, the sinking feeling getting worse.

“It’s an imperial fighter,” Ben acknowledged. 

“It followed us,” Luke gasped.

“No,” I shook my head. “Those ships are short-ranged, it wouldn’t be able to make the trip to lightspeed.”

“There aren’t any bases around here,” Han replied. “Where did it come from?” Han continued to follow the ship as it tried to fly away.

“Sure is leaving in a big hurry,” Luke commented. “If they identify us, we’re in big trouble.”

“Not if I can help it,” Han mumbled. “Chewie, jam its transmissions.”

“Let it go,” Ben said. “It’s too far out of range.”

“Not for long,” Han dismissed.

“A fighter that size couldn’t get this deep into space on its own,” Ben commented. 

“He must’ve gotten lost,” Luke suggested. “Been a part of a convoy or something.”

“He ain’t gonna be around long enough to tell anybody about us,” Han grumbled. 

“Look at him, he’s heading for that small moon,” Luke pointed out. My heart continued to sink as I didn’t have a good feeling about this situation at all. There’s gotta be a starship that the fighter is from. There’s no way it’s alone. 

“I think I can get him before he gets there,” Han said. “He’s almost in range.”

“Is this really worth it?” I asked, wanting to get out of here as soon as we could.

“That’s not a moon,” Ben said and I felt my fears come to fruition. “It’s a space station.”

“It’s too big to be a space station,” Han replied back confused. 

“I have a very bad feeling about this,” Luke said, the closer we got to the ‘moon’, the more it was revealed to clearly be a space station. 

“Han, turn us back,” I said, fear making its way through my tone. 

“Yeah, I think you’re right,” Han spoke slowly. “Full reverse. Chewie, lock in the auxiliary power.” We kept getting closer and I felt my heart hammering in my chest. “Chewie, lock in the auxiliary power!”

“Why are we still moving forward?” I exclaimed, gripping the seat in front of me to try and calm myself. 

“We’re caught in a tractor beam,” Han explained. “It’s pulling us in.”

“Oh great,” I scoffed.

“There’s gotta be something you can do,” Luke chimed in. 

“There’s nothing I can do, kid,” Han replied. “I’m at full power. I have to shut down. They’re not gonna get me without a fight.”

“Fight?” I asked incredulously. “You’re gonna get us all killed!” I glanced over at Luke as he grabbed my shoulder, eyes locked on the sight in front of us. I didn’t think anything of it as I was more concerned about how the hell we were going to survive.

“You can’t win,” Ben said softly. “But there are alternatives to fighting.”

“Chewie, bring them to the smuggling compartments,” Han ordered. “(Y/n), help me make some fake logs.”

“Okay,” I nodded. Luke shared a worried glance with me, but I motioned him to leave with my head. He let go of my shoulder and exited with the others. “What’s the story?” I asked, looking over at Han.

“We abandoned the ship,” Han replied. Nodding my head, I helped him write a few logs before we both rushed to the smuggling compartments. We squeezed ourselves to fit, and I tried not to squish Luke any more than I had to. We heard stormtroopers walk over the compartments, and I waited with baited breath until we couldn’t hear any more footsteps. Han and Luke quietly shifted the fake floorboard off of us and looked around. 

“Boy, it’s lucky you had these compartments,” Luke said quietly.

“I use them for smuggling,” Han replied. “I never thought I’d be smuggling myself in ‘em.” Ben came out of his compartment and Han turned to him, “This is ridiculous. Even if I could take off, I’d never get past the tractor beam.”

“Leave that to me,” Ben replied, getting out of the smuggling compartment.

“Damn fool,” Han huffed, also getting out. “I knew you were gonna say that.” 

Luke got out, offering a hand to help me but I waved him off, “Don’t worry, I got it.”

“Who's the more foolish?” Ben asked. “The fool, or the fool who follows him?” Chewie’s head poked up from Ben’s compartment and growled. 

Two Empire scanners entered and were quickly taken down by Chewie.

“Hey down there!” Han called out. “Could you give us a hand with this?” Three stormtroopers entered and Han and I made quick work of them. We decided that Han, Luke and I would disguise ourselves as stormtroopers. Luke stayed behind as we all rushed to wait by the command room doors. An officer opened them not too long later and Chewie knocked him out, and I quickly shot the other one. 

Rushing in, Han and I took our helmets off, me struggling slightly due to the vestigial bumps on my forehead (it’s typically where horns would be but I didn’t have any). Chewie was growling and I ran my hand through my hair to fix it. 

Luke ran in and took his helmet off with a glare, “Between his howling and your blasting everything, it’s a wonder the whole station doesn’t know we’re here.” 

I felt myself shrink, since it was actually me who did the blasting. I know we’re on a stealth mission, but I panicked. 

“The blasting was all them, kid,” Han replied snarkily, pointing at me. “Besides, I prefer a fight to all this sneakin’ around.” Luke’s gaze fell onto me and I turned to face the control panel, not wanting to fall under any more scolding. 

“We found the computer outlet sir,” 3CPO spoke up. I was glad for the distraction.

“Plug in,” Ben ordered. “He should be able to interpret the entire Imperial network.”

R2 did as ordered and started beeping, 3PO translating for us, “He says he found the controls to the power beam that’s holding the ship here. He’ll try to make the precise location appear on the monitor. The tractor beam is coupled to the main reactor in seven locations. A power loss at one of the terminals will allow the ship to leave.” On the screen, R2 showed the closest terminal.

“I don’t think any of you can help,” Ben stated. “I must go alone.” 

“Whatever you say,” Han dismissed. “I’ve done more than I’ve bargained for on this trip already.” I couldn’t help but agree, I mean I was just meant to make sure Han didn’t try to run off with the money, but I got waaaayyy more to deal with than just that. I should’ve negotiated a higher price with Jabba. 

“I want to go with you,” Luke whispered to Ben.

“Be patient, Luke,” Ben replied. “Stay and watch over the droids. They must be delivered safely or other star systems will suffer the same fate as Alderaan. Your destiny lies along a different path from mine.” Opening the door, Ben finished, “The force will be with you…always.” We all watched Ben leave, and once Luke closed the door, Chewie started growling. 

“You said it Chewie,” Han agreed. “Where did you dig up that old fossil?” I rolled my eyes, of course he’s going to insult an elder. He really knew no respect. 

“Ben is a great man,” Luke replied defensively. 

“Yeah,” Han agreed sarcastically. “Great at getting us into trouble.”

“I didn’t hear you give out any ideas,” Luke defended. 

“Anything’s better than just hangin’ around waiting for ‘em to pick us up,” Han countered. I bit my lip, I did feel uneasy just waiting here, but that could also just be because of the fact that we were stuck on an enemy base. 

“Who do you think-” Luke was cut off when R2 started making noises. I’m sorry Luke, but if you were concerned about how loud we were before…well fighting amongst ourselves isn’t helping. “What is it?”

“I’m afraid I’m not quite sure, sir,” C3PO responded. “He says, “I found her,” and keeps repeating, “she’s here.”” 

“Who?” Luke asks, walking closer to the droids. I once again didn't like where this was heading. “Who has he found?”

“Princess Leia,” C3PO answered.

“The princess?” Luke asked in awe. “She’s here?”

“Princess?” I asked, confused at the lack of context. 

“Where?” Luke asked excitedly. “Where is she?”

“Princess? What’s going on?” Han asked, also confused. 

C3PO once again translated for R2D2, “Level 5, Detention Block AA-23. I’m afraid she’s been scheduled to be terminated.”

“Oh no,” Luke said with big puppy dog eyes. Don’t…think like that. “We’ve gotta do something.” 

“What are you talking about?” Han asked, shaking his head. 

“The droids belong to her,” Luke explained. “She’s the one in the message, we gotta help her!” I blinked in confusion as the two stood chest to chest. What message? Why is she so important? I mean yes, princess is a big title, but there are many princesses across the galaxy. 

“Don’t get any funny ideas,” Han scolded. “The old man wants us to wait right here.”

“He didn’t know she was here,” Luke countered, then turned to R2. “Find a way to that detention block.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Han said, sitting back in one of the officer's chairs. 

“They’re going to execute her,” Luke replied back with a glare. “You said you didn’t want to wait to be captured. Now you want to stay?”

“Marching into the detention area is not what I had in mind!” Han argued back, and I felt hopeless watching the two fight. 

“But they’re gonna kill her!” Luke exclaimed.

“Better her than me,” Han spat. 

“Han,” I said sternly, but he only waved me off. Luke turned towards me, frustration showing in his crystal blue eyes. 

“(Y/n)...” Luke trailed off. 

I bit my lip, “We’d need a really put together plan…”

Then, like a lightbulb appeared over Luke’s head as he turned back towards Han, “She’s rich.”

Chewie growled and I felt like I was on the same side as him. I shook my head, They had no plan! This was stupid! 

“Rich?” Han asked, turning towards Luke once more. 

“Rich, powerful,” Luke listed. “If you were to rescue her, the reward would be…”

“What?” Han asked.

“Well, more wealth than you could imagine,” Luke replied.

“I don’t know…” Han trailed off. “I can imagine quite a bit.”

“You’ll get it,” Luke said persuasively. 

“I better,” Han replied. 

“You will,” Luke agreed. 

“All right kid,” Han agreed. “You better be right about this. What’s your plan?” 

I stared blankly at the two. Idiots. Complete and utter idiots. 

Luke looked around, “3PO hand me those binders there, will you?” Walking over to Chewie once he got them, he continued, “Now I’m gonna put these on you.” Only Chewie growled back, batting at the binders. “Okay, Han, you put those on.” 

Han smiled, and I turned to Luke, “What’s your plan for getting out?” 

Glancing at me, Luke turned towards the screen that showed the map, “Don’t worry, it’ll be an easy in and out.”

“Master Luke,” C3PO called out. “Sir, pardon me for asking, but what should R2 and I do if we’re discovered here?”

“(Y/n) will keep you safe,” Luke replied, handing Han his helmet. 

I furrowed my eyebrows, discontent with the situation. I wanted to go with them, but the droids needed someone to protect them. It still somewhat hurt that I seemed to be automatically chosen to sit on the backburner. 

“Lock the doors and hope they don’t have blasters,” Han chimed in. 

I scoffed, “I know how to fight, thank you very much.” 

Luke patted my shoulder, passing by me with a smile, “Don’t worry 3PO, they’ve got you two covered.”

“That’s a bit more reassuring,” C3PO agreed. 

Once the three left, I turned towards the two droids, “Do we have any communications with them?” 

“Yes,” The golden droid replied. “Master Luke gave me a comm link.”

“Good,” I mumbled, taking a seat in one of the chairs. “Hey R2, can you tell me the layout of the detention cell?” R2 beeped, pulling up the map once more. “What are all the exits?”

“He said that there is only one exit,” C3PO translated. “That is through the main elevator.”

I blinked in disbelief. This was literally a suicide mission. I groaned out, knowing this entire situation was going to go downhill. 

“Any vents they could go through?” I asked exasperatedly. 

“There is a trash shoot,” 3PO replied. 

“Well that’s something,” I grumbled. 

I spun around in my chair, trying to pass the time. Coming up with excuses to give Ben when he eventually comes back to a bounty hunter with two droids. I wonder who this princess was. Luke didn’t seem to have much experience outside of Tatooine, and there definitely weren’t any princesses there. Of course the first person I’m attracted to seems to like someone, a princess no less. I suppose I didn’t stand a chance in that aspect. Besides, I barely know Luke, so it’s not like I wanted anything like that yet. Best to get past these emotions than dwell on them. It’s not like I’m gonna see him again after this. 

“C3PO, C3PO!” Luke’s staticy voice called out through the comm link. I sat up and turned towards the droids once more.

“Yes, sir?” C3PO asked back. 

“Are there any other ways out of the cell bay?” Luke asked. “We’ve been cut off.” The sounds of blasting could be heard in the background and I shook my head. 

“Lemme see that,” I said, reaching out for the comm link.

“Master Luke asked-”

“Don’t worry,” I waved him off. Turning on the comm link I replied, “That’s the only exit, but there are vents on the bottom that you can go through.”

“What was that?” Luke asked back, sounds of blasters getting louder. “I didn’t copy.”

“All systems have been alerted to his presence!” C3PO gasped after R2 beeped. 

“You're being swarmed, there’s vents running along the cell bay, go through that!” I shouted into the comm link, hoping he heard.

“Open up in there!” A voice sounded outside the room. “Open up in there!”

“Shit,” I muttered, handing the comm link back to C3PO. I quickly put on the stormtrooper helmet, the more armor the better I suppose. 

“Oh no,” 3PO muttered. 

I got my blaster ready, looking around the room. There was a door, and opening it revealed a closet. I bit my lip in thought, they’re gonna find a way in somehow. I motioned the droids and they entered the closet.

“Pretend I’m dead, and act like you were attacked,” I whispered. C3PO nodded and I closed the door on them. I laid on the ground with my blaster being close enough to my body to grab, but far enough to look like it fell with my body. The sound of Luke’s voice could be heard coming from the comm link. Damn it, of course they need help when we’re being found. I just hope it stops when the stormtroopers enter. 

From this position, I couldn’t see much as the door opened. I held my breath, my body tensing. I watched as a stormtrooper walked into my view, nudging my body with his foot. 

“Look, there!” I heard a stormtrooper call out, and the one looking at me turned and followed. I let my breath out slowly, thankful for the armor blocking their view of my chest moving. 

“They’re madmen!” I heard 3PO shout. “They’re heading to the prison level! If you hurry, you might catch them.”

“Follow me,” A trooper called out, and the sounds of their footsteps grew fainter. “You stand guard.” 

Shit…I really don’t want to bring attention by blasting the stormtrooper. I moved my head slowly, I bit my lip. I don’t want to underestimate my enemy, but troopers tend to be really dumb. I saw C3PO’s feet in front of me. I let out a gasp, trying to act like I was an unconscious and injured trooper. 

“Oh my!” C3PO faked surprise. “Let us escort this trooper to the medbay.” 

The trooper rushed in front of me as I clutched my side, standing hunched.

“I’ll be fine,” I said with a groan. I slightly leaned against C3PO, not wanting to put too much weight on him, “Just keep guard.”

The trooper nodded, and just like that, we were out. I bit my lip to suppress my chuckle. I can’t believe we made it out of there alive. We made it down towards the ship, but a good amount away from any of the other troopers. 

“You still got the comm link?” I whispered to him.

“Right here,” 3PO nodded, handing me the comm link.

“Luke,” I whispered into it. “Are you guys still alive?”

I tuned out C3PO as he talked to R2, listening for Luke or any stormtroopers. 

“(Y/n)?” I heard Luke ask. 

“Yeah, we managed to escape some storm-”

“We need you to turn off all the garbage mashers in the detention level!” Luke shouted. “Do you copy?” 

“R2, shut down the garbage mashers on the detention level,” I ordered, just in case he couldn’t hear Luke repeat himself. 

“No!” C3PO exclaimed. “Shut them all down! Hurry! Oh no.”

I clenched my fists, hoping we got it in time. R2 was beeping and I bit my lip. Suddenly, the sound of cheering filled the comm link and I couldn’t help but laugh quietly in relief. 

“Listen to them,” C3PO said solemnly. “They’re dying, R2. Curses, we weren’t fast enough. It’s all my fault, my poor master.”

“Don’t worry, 3PO,” I chuckled. “I think they’re doing just fine.”

“You did great!” Luke praised, and I smiled. “Hey! Open the pressure maintenance hatch on unit number…where are we?” 

I rolled my eyes in amusement, just glad that we all seemed to survive so far. 

“Number 3263827,” Luke said.

“You heard that?” I asked R2, who only beeped while turning the controls. 

We waited a bit, I kept low to the ground, not wanting to be spotted. After a bit the comm link went off once more.

“(Y/n), C3PO, do you copy?” Luke asked. 

“We copy,” I replied. 

“Are you safe?” He asked.

“For now, yeah,” I said. “We’re in the main hangar, across from the ship.”

“We’re right above you,” Luke said. “Stand by.” 

I sighed, once again sitting like waiting ducks. More troopers came and went, the ship being surrounded. I wonder if they had a plan? 

“I wonder where they could be?” C3PO asked aloud. After a minute, all the stormtroopers ran off, and a pit of worry hit my stomach. Did they finally catch them? What was going on? “Come on you two,” C3PO said, breaking me out of my anxious thoughts. “We’re going.” I nodded, discarding my helmet, no need for that now. Not that it was going to help me now. I followed behind them, blaster at the ready. 

Luke, Han, Chewie, and I’m assuming the princess all came out at the same time. Luke got sidetracked, calling out for Ben. I turned to look at where he was going and my heart dropped. Being barely able to see through the horde of stormtroopers, I was able to see Ben facing off the one and only Darth Vader. His looming presence caused all my alarm bells to go off. I raced towards Luke, stopping beside him. Ben stood still as Darth Vader cut through him. 

“No!” Luke screamed, bringing all their attention towards us.

“Luke c’mon!” I shouted, tugging at his arm. He stood his ground, shooting at the troopers. I helped him, as did the others. They called him to board the ship and I managed to blast the door close before Vader could cross through. I tugged at Luke’s arm once more, blasting with one hand as best I could. This time, Luke allowed me to drag the both of us to the ship. 

I tried to catch my breath as the ship took off. I’ve caught bounties 2x my size, and that was nowhere near as scary as this entire trip was. I discarded the stormtrooper gear, grabbing my scarf and goggles once more. Getting my outfit all situated, I found Luke solemnly sitting at the round table, messing with the table. The princess brought him a blanket and sat next to him. I looked over to the droids and I decided to sit at one of the side seats.

“So you’re (y/n)?” The princess asked, looking at me softly. I nodded. “It’s nice to meet you, you really helped out in the end.”

“You too,” I smiled awkwardly. “I’m sorry, but I never catched your name.”

“You can call me Leia,” She replied. It was silent once more, our focus once more on Luke. 

“I can’t believe he’s gone,” Luke finally spoke. 

“There wasn’t anything you could’ve done,” Leia tried to console. 

“C’mon buddy,” Han said standing in the hallway. “We’re not out of this yet.”

We all followed Han, Han and Luke towards the guns while I followed Leia into the cockpit. She sat in the pilot seat and I stood behind her chair. 

“Here they come,” Leia warned the two. Four tie fighter jets flew around us. I held onto the back of her seat as the ship started shaking. “We’ve lost lateral controls!” Leia shouted after a few minutes.

“Don’t worry,” Han dismissed. “She’ll hold together.”

We could hear Luke cheering and I decided to pipe up, “Just two more to go guys!” 

We watched in suspense as the last two kept flying around. Luke managed to get one, and I sighed out in relief when the last one was hit. 

“We did it!” Leia cheered, hugging Chewie and I. I let out a chuckle, hugging her back. I patted Chewies back before making my way back into the main room. I ran into Luke before making it.

“You did great!” I praised with a smile.

A similar smile graced his face, “Thank you!” Similar to Leia, he pulled me into a hug, which I of course returned. My heart seemed to beat a bit faster at the affection but I ignored it. Pulling away Luke seemed a little sheepish. “Thank you also for uh…trying to keep me grounded back there…” He trailed off, looking away. 

My smile turned slightly bitter at the memory, “Don’t mention it. I know if the roles were reversed you’d do the same.” 

Our eyes met and I felt myself soften. I ignored the sudden urge to kiss his cheek and nodded at him before continuing on my way. Soon after, Chewie and Leia joined me. I took out my blaster, checking to make sure it was clean. I didn’t do much fighting, but it never hurts to check. 

“What’s your position here?” Leia asked as she sat next to me. 

Looking up at her I started to fidget with my weapon, “I, uh…I’m not exactly sure how to explain it.” I chuckled awkwardly. “Basically, think of me as Han’s babysitter.”

Leia raised her eyebrow, “Well you aren’t doing a good job.” 

“Well,” I sighed. “Once he drops you guys off, I basically just gotta make sure he returns to Jabba to pay his debt.”

“I see,” Leia sighed, seeming less friendly. “So I’m assuming you're not going to help.”

“I wish I could…” I trailed off. “Really, I do. But I have to go back and continue to take care of my family.” I knew my reasoning was selfish, I just hope she understood. 

“I suppose we all have our priorities,” Leia shrugged. I looked down, feeling guilty of my decision. It was quiet for the rest of the ride, only Chewie's growling breaking it from time to time. 

Once we landed, I couldn’t help but look around the planet in awe. It’s been awhile since I’ve been on a planet with such luscious greenery. I smiled, a comforting feeling as it reminded me of home. We were escorted to a hangar. People were all around preparing their x-wing ships. Clearly the rebels were preparing for a fight. Once again, I felt guilty. All these people who either lost their family or left them to fight for a noble cause while I cower and run away back to the monotony of my life, being Jabba’s puppet. 

Someone greeted Leia as we finally stopped. I looked over to Luke who was looking around in awe. His gaze met mine and I felt flustered and embarrassed at the fact that he caught me looking.

“Isn’t this amazing?” Luke asked breathlessly.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “I didn’t realize the rebellion was this big, but I suppose I didn’t think of it much.”

“C’mon, they’re going to go over the plans to defeat the Death Star,” Leia called out, waving us over.

Luke looked towards me once more, his blue eyes shining brilliantly, “You think they’ll let me pilot a ship?”

“Definitely,” I chuckled. “I’m sure they’ll take all the help they’ll get.” 

Once we got to the meeting room, I stood next to Luke and his droids. If this was going to be the last I saw of him, I might as well make the most of it. He was a sweet guy, and I would love to stay friends with him. There needs to be more people like him in the galaxy. I zoned out as the person was discussing their plans to defeat the Death Star. It didn’t involve me so I didn’t find any harm in it. 

Once they all started standing up, Han patted my shoulder. I looked over at him and he motioned me to follow him and Chewie. Looking towards Luke, I spoke up, “Uhm, bye Luke.” When he looked at me, I waved. 

“Cya,” He grinned, waving back. Following the two smugglers, I felt like Luke didn’t understand that we weren’t sticking around. When we all made it back to the hangar, boxes of credits sat next to the escort. 

“Help me with this woudja?” Han called over to me. “If you want Jabba to pay you that is.”

I rolled my eyes, but said nothing as I helped him load the payment. 

Luke quickly came onto the scene, “So, you got your reward and you’re just leaving then?”

“That’s right,” Han nodded. “Yeah. I got some old debts I gotta pay off with this stuff. Even if I didn’t, you don’t think I’d be fool enough to stick around here, do ya? Why don’t you come with us? You're pretty good in a fight. We could use ya.”

“Come on,” Luke frowned. “Why don’t you take a look around? You know what’s about to happen, you know what they’re up against. They could use a good pilot like you. You’re turning your back on them.”

“What good’s a reward if you ain’t around to use it?” Han asked back. “Besides, attacking a battle station ain’t my idea of courage. It’s more like suicide.”

“All right,” Luke said with no emotion. “Well, you take care of yourself, Han. I guess it’s what you're best at.” Then, Luke's gaze fell onto me, “You too, (y/n)?”

I kept my head down, knowing I couldn’t meet his gaze, “I’m sorry, Luke. But I can’t stay…”

I heard him scoff, “I guess I just expected you to be different.”

I felt like crying as I heard his heavy boots storm off. I kept my head down as I loaded the last box. One thing I hated the most was disappointing the people I care about. 

“Hey Luke,” Han called out. “May the force be with you.” Chewie growled and I finally looked up. “What are you looking at?” Han asked us. “I know what I’m doing.”

Boarding the escort, we made our way back to the Millennium Falcon. We then loaded all the money onto the Falcon. Chewie and Han bantered a bit, but I kept to myself. 

“What’s got you so quiet?” Han asked as we carried the last two boxes. 

I stayed quiet, placing down the box I was carrying, “...I…wish it could be different. That we could help.” 

I heard Han sigh, “If you want to help you can, I’m not making you come with me.”

I felt tears brim my eyes, feeling even more guilty due to the fact that Han spoke the truth. I kept blaming others for this choice, when I can only really blame myself. My obligation to my family was more important. I mean what would my dad say? What would my mom say? 

Han shuffled before continuing, “If it’s what Luke said…kid, we all have to choose what’s more important to us. We can’t please everyone.”

I nodded, “I know.”

“C’mon,” Han said, ruffling my hair, making me glare up at him. “Let’s get outta here before it gets bad.” The sound of ships flying could be heard above us. “And that’s our queue.”

I followed Han into the cockpit, Chewie already getting the ship running. I sat behind them as they started to fly away. I couldn’t help but watch as the tie fighters were getting shot down one by one. My heart clenched as for all I knew, one of them was Luke. This felt wrong. It all felt wrong. Just leaving them there when we could be helping. Couldn’t we help them before we left? 

It was quiet in the cockpit. My gaze wouldn’t leave the Death Star as it continued to shrink. I bit my lip in worry. I couldn’t get this damn feeling out, and I knew it would haunt me the rest of my life. The uncertainty of it all. Leaving my newly founded friends behind to die. Tearing my gaze away, I looked back to Han. He was quiet, his face contemplative. 

“We should go back,” I spoke up, not being able to stand the guilty feeling bubbling under my skin. 

“No,” Han dismissed. 

“This isn’t right,” I countered. “Once we finish helping them we can go back to Tatooine.” 

Han stayed silent, the Death Star was now almost out of site. Chewie growled, and Han’s frown grew worse. 

“Please Han,” I pleaded. 

Finally he seemed to snap, “If the both of you are gonna keep whining about it then fine.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I cried out, wrapping my arms around him. 

“Quit your yapping and go prepare the shooter,” Han waved off, flipping some switches and turning around. 

I quickly ran to the same ladder that Han and Luke went into before. I sat in the seat putting on the headset. I flipped some switches and the gun hummed, turning on. 

“All right,” I spoke into the comms. “Everythings a-okay here.” 

We quickly approached the Death Star, getting in position behind three tie fighters. Only one x-wing was left and I knew we got back just in time. As fast as I could, I aimed for one of the tie fighters and got it in the first shot. Han whooped into the comms and I let out a ‘hell yeah!’. The other two tie fighters nearly collide, one falling outside of the Death Star. 

“You’re all clear, kid,” Han said. “Now let’s blow this thing up and go home!”

Luke shot right into where it needed to go and we all flew out. I laughed out in relief as the Death Star blew up.

“Great shot Luke!” I cheered. 

“That was one in a million,” Han cheered as well. I got myself out of the gun pit and went back into the cockpit with Han and Chewie. Han clapped me on the shoulder, “You had a great shot too.”

“Thanks,” I smiled breathlessly. That weight of guilt that was pushing me down seemed to lift. Luke was safe and so were all these fearless rebels. 

We quickly made our way to the hangar. We found Leia and Luke already hugging, Han and Chewie quickly joining. I went to follow but was blocked by the other rebels. My huge smile fell quickly as they continued to cheer for each other. I raised my hand, but lowered it. I suppose I’ll cheer from a distance. Luke suddenly looked around and his eyes met mine. I smiled awkwardly and he quickly made his way towards me, pulling me towards the rest of the group and hugging me tightly. I hugged back, just as tight as he lifted me off my feet slightly.

“I knew you weren’t like that,” Luke whispered, nuzzling his face into my neck.

“You should thank me,” I laughed. “It took a bit of convincing to get Han on board.”

Luke laughed, letting me go. We gazed at each other for a second before we all looked up to see R2. 

“Oh no,” Luke said breathlessly.

“Oh my,” C3PO cried out. “R2, can you hear me? Say something. You can repair him, can’t you?”

“We’ll get to work on him right away,” A rebel agreed. 

“You must repair him,” C3PO replied. “Sir, if any of my circuits or gears will help, I’ll gladly donate them.”

“He’ll be alright,” Luke consoled. 

Leia wrapped an arm around me with a knowing smile, Han hugging her other side. I wrapped my arm around Luke’s shoulders and followed the other two, dragging him along. 

“Wait what?” I asked, turning towards the rebel members who held up the outfit I was supposed to wear. 

“It’s an award ceremony,” One said. “You weren’t expecting to wear your regular clothes were you?”

“I mean…” I sighed out exasperatedly. “I don’t know. I’m not used to dressing up for anything.”

“The princess picked this out for you specifically,” The other mentioned. 

“Of course she did,” I mumbled. “Fine, I’ll wear it.” They left to let me change. Once I was finished changing, I couldn’t help but pick at my clothes. They were so form fitting in some spots, a drastic change to my casual wear. 

I stood in between Luke and Han with a slight frown. Luke looked towards me and his eyes widened. 

I raised an eyebrow at him, “Is it really that bad?”

“N-no!” He stuttered out. “You, uh…uhm actually look really good.” I looked away, not used to compliments.

“Oh,” I said, not exactly sure how to reply. “Thank you, you look real nice too.” 

“Thanks,” He replied in a whisper.

“C’mon you two,” Han said, rolling his eyes. “Quit flirting, the ceremony’s starting.”

I looked up at him aghast, but the doors opened and I tried to calm myself down. As we walked, I tried to keep my gaze on Leia and not the hundreds of eyes that were currently on us. Once we reached the stairs, we stopped and Leia stepped forward. She looked at Han sternly, her gaze fell on me and she smiled a bit more softly. When she looked towards Luke, they shared a goofy smile, which seemed to spread to me when I glanced at Luke and noticed that he did the same. 

When Leia put the medal on Han, he winked at her which made me roll my eyes. And he says the awkward compliments Luke and I gave each other was flirting. Leia placed a medal around my neck, and then finally one around Lukes. We all bowed our heads in respect. Suddenly, R2 showed up, beeping and whistling. We couldn’t stop our laughter, happy to see the droid was okay. Turning around, Chewie growled and everyone started clapping. I felt small, finally seeing how many people were looking. 

Once the ceremony was finished, everyone started packing. It was time to move to a new base after all. I was waiting for Han to stop bothering Leia when I noticed that Luke snuck up next to me.

“How’re you feeling?” Luke asked, giving me a side hug. 

“Much better outside of all that attention,” I replied, returning the short hug.

“You don’t like being recognized as a hero?” Luke laughed lightly.

“Not if it means that many people are watching you,” I replied back. 

“So…” Luke trailed off. “Are you staying?” His smile somewhat fell at the question and he looked genuinely concerned.

“I’m not sure,” I replied, looking down at my fidgeting hands. “I was just gonna talk to Han about it. I’m sure my parents would understand and support my decision…but…I don’t know.” I looked back up at Luke feeling somewhat helpless, “What do you think I should do?”

Staring back at me, he smiled gently, “Well…I think you know what I’m about to say.” I laughed softly, crossing my arms. 

“I think I know what Han’s gonna say too,” I sighed, watching him interact with Leia. It’s clear he was interested in her…but wasn’t Luke as well? This was definitely going to get messy. 

“I’d love for you to stay,” Luke spoke up. “Uh…a-all three of you, I mean.”

I looked back over to Luke as he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, looking away. 

“Okay,” I couldn’t help but agree with a giant smile. How could I leave the friends I made now?

[the-cookie-of-doom]

Regarding the split!Kim AU I'm just gonna put my ramble of thoughts out on here.

1. Okay so what events led to Kim wanting to remove his younger self? What inner turmoil, self depreciating nonsense thoughts did he put himself through?

2. Where did Kim find this magic spell and how did he follow through with it without searching for it's consequences/side effects? Did he go down a black hole on the web and found the most reviewed witch/ spell out there to help him? Idk how to words more on this brainrot

3. How long was it till Kim hid what he did and how did young!Kim reach the compound??

4. What all young!Kim must be thinking and what did he do that everyone in the compound realized something was wrong? (Plus I hope Korn is dead in this, he doesn't deserve to be alive)

5. What was Chays reaction to young!Kim and how he takes care of him and spends time with him? (just being the most loving, and Kim feels so touched and full of unknown feelings because Chay?? the love of his life?? accepts and appreciates and treats young!Kim like he's the most precious in this entire world???)

6. Young!Kim's reaction to finding out about Wik? Is he shocked/ surprised/ wonderstruck? In complete awe of himself of the future?

7. How does Kim behave with young!Kim? Is he hesitant at first? But then he sees the way everyone else treats him and has Feelings™ and then thinks (a lot) and maybe something happens like some new stupidass bodyguard shouting at/ hurting young!Kim and Kim just snapping out on him, completely pissed off and in the worst rage he could ever have, completely protecting young!Kim like who tf you think you are?? How dare you??

Okay I think that's all for now, sorry for the spam of Randomness™😅

(yes i typed this up in my notes first so i don't accidentally lose anything.)

Anon darling I'm kissing you on the forehead, you're hitting so many of my story points with these asks! I feel Seen.

I haven't decided what Kim specifically does/feels that makes him want to do this in the first place. Since I started the fic where it's already happened, I just kinda. Handwaved it. But he does comment on the fact that Chay has been pushing him towards therapy, so that's probably part of it. Kim would rather lose all his memories than talk about his feelings. He's also 2 years into dating Chay (which honestly. That's bc I wanted baby Kim to be 13, and aging Kim up to 23 gave me an easy 10 years to work with. Tbh it would work better if Kim were only a few months into dating Chay and he was willing to do anything to Be A Good Person/Boyfriend/makeup for the breakup. BUT I DIGRESS!) Anyway being with Chay makes Kim want to be/feel better, and this is his nuclear solution. It does not work.

I also don't know how he did it! I... hesitate to write white pagan magic in KP fics. Maybe Kim pulled a Porsche and went to a monk for help dealing with his traumas, and ended up with a modified past life ritual that ended up splitting him right down the middle. The most important side effect is the way Kim feels about his brothers now; Tawan trauma happened when Kim was a little older, so the Kinn his child self remembers is still very loving and happy, he hasn't pulled away yet. But for adult Kim, who's memories start when he was a teenager... there was so much distance between him and his brothers, and then he moved out a couple years later, so he feels like they're practically strangers to him. Like really distant family that you only see at weddings and funerals. Meanwhile kid!Kim is a precocious little smol who's cuddling both of them whenever he can. (Khun loves it, Kinn has no idea what to do with it but he loves it too. Adult Kim is jealous but wouldn't know how to accept affection from them.)

It all happens pretty much the next day/couple days later, as of the current time line! Kim goes to the temple and does his thing. Kid!Kim manifests wherever he was when the memory split happens; so he just. Wakes up somewhere in the middle of Bangkok, and has to find his way back to the compound. Meanwhile KimChay are living in his condo, obliviously going about their lives. It takes a while for Kid!Kim to get home, then he's sneaking all around because things are different and he doesn't understand why (and he keeps stabbing people, but like. stabby the Roomba more than murder); Kinn has to find him/calm him down/get Porsche involved and figure out what's going on before anyone thinks to call Chay (who's been busy having sex with adult Kim lol)

Korn is dead! Bc I'm lazy and didn't want to think about all the terrible things he could do to mess with smol Kim! Like I said, Kim is kind of a feral cat just let loose in the compound, surrounded by people he doesn't know and freaking out a lot, until the guards finally get him cornered in his old room and notify Kinn. Then eventually Chay gets a call from Porsche, and he goes to the compound with adult Kim, and it's a whole Thing.

Chay absolutely adores kid!Kim. He's absolutely feral but he's also a cutie pie, and he gets a crush on Chay quick. Chay loves it; he was such a lovestruck kid with Kim, now it's his turn! (And he teases adult Kim soo much about how he like likes him >,<). Adult Kim is weird with his younger self at first, bc as far as he's concerned, this may as well be a random child. So Chay schlorps him up quick bc the poor kid needs love. And Kim does come to appreciate the way Chay takes care of his younger self (he has some very odd memories about it when they're eventually reunited.)

My goodness, young Kim is so excited. At that age, he had all these dreams about the life he wished he could have, but he never thought it would really happen. But he got away from his father, he gets to chase his dreams of making music, he has a (very cute!!) boy that loves him, that he gets to love in return. It's all his dreams come true. Again, Chay thinks this is adorable, that Kim was such a dreamy little kid. (Kim is also so excited when he finds out that!! Chay lets him write songs about him!! that's so cool!!! And Chay writes him songs too!?!?!)

Like I said, at the start kid Kim may as well be some random child, he's vaguely curious about what happened but has no personal investment (kid Kim might be. a little. heartbroken about that. He's very sensitive.) But overtime Kim warms up to him, learns how to love him and take care of him. It's seeing this as someone else, rather than himself, that allows him to "forgive" himself. It's easy to blame himself for all the bad parts of his life when he's not looking that poor kid in the eyes. And bc I think cuddles are important, and Kim definitely wasn't hugged enough as a child, there's many snugs. There are still Mafia Things going on around all this that Kim has to deal with, so kid Kim spends a lot of time with Chay and his brothers, but there are a lot of times where he's asleep between KimChay. He kind of is like their kid in some ways. It's an odd dynamic for Kim, especially when he gets those memories of being cuddled by himself and Chay?? But ultimately it's a good thing for him. (Except the Porsche memories. He doesn't want those 😤)

These were so much fun, thank you for sending them!! I love talking about this AU <3<3<3

[purgetrooperfox]

propaganda (elevator pitches) ⬇️

Nocte (sw):

is CMO of the Coruscant Guard. fiercely loyal to the Guard. deeply wary of the senate, with very few exceptions. he's my oldest oc and probably the one y'all are most likely to have heard of. integrated into arcs with many of my friends' ocs/fics/whatnot <3 what else goes in his elevator pitch,,, known to take kids and younger clones under his wing, protective to a fault, low tolerance for nonsense. beat around the bush at your own peril. questionable bedside manner. manwhore tendencies. I love him, you love him. he's been transplanted into [checks list] cod, tlou, and bebop

Uj'alayi (sw):

is an ARC trooper, used to work with the Shadows then got brutally injured and had to transition to the CG. owes his life to Quinlan Vos and is disgruntled about it. guard dog coded. his bite is exponentially bigger than his bark. on the surface: quick to laugh, quick to joke, charismatic and personable without being overbearing. this may or may not be a mask he wears. will lay a beat down on just about anyone if they Cause Issues for Fox. in the relationship of all time with Lane Hurosa (another of my ocs)

Bones (sw):

is marshal commander of the 410th recon corps under Bastra Vargdan (another of my ocs). traits include: CQC specialist, confounded by the concept of the Force, at least partly responsible for getting a gambling ring going in the GAR (has a poke face like nobody's business). outside of working hours, he's laid back, easygoing. stark contrast between On-Duty Bones and Off-Duty Bones. encyclopedic knowledge of regs, but flexible adherence to them sometimes. big brained tactical strategist, ended up teaching Bastra a Lot about like. how to lead a corps

Bastra (sw):

my Jedi 👉👈 trained by Sifo-Dyas so dookudyas is very dad-coded to him. specialized as an Investigator, excels at undercover ops. also has quite a bit of integration into my friends' oc arcs and stuff <3 buddies with Obi-Wan, gets on pretty well with the TG and CG since he spends a chunk of his time on Coruscant. ummmm he takes a Padawan like 10ish years before the war, somewhere in that range. he's a goofy guy, real stiff and formal a lot of the time but it lets up around people he trusts. of course I know him, he's me etc etc. he's currently getting transplanted into cp2077

Lane (sw):

is a journalist on Coruscant. they spend a Lot of time in the senate district, very good at schmoozing. certified flatterer. charming, if you will. always asking one million questions that senators do Not want to answer, which results in bans from various spots around the city LOL honestly they're just neat idk what to tell you. they stay following risky leads and getting themself into binds. they're squinting very hard at the details of how the Republic acquired a clone army

Myn (sw):

is a smuggler in the early Rebellion era. also a relentless optimist, sees the very first scraps of resistance and buys in immediately. IF somehow Nocte’s alive at that point, Myn's the one who tries and probably fails to sell him on participating in the rebellion

Vio Selnes (sw):

owns and operates a 24h diner on Coruscant. this diner gets heavy business from clones leaving 79s. connections to the clones leads to scattered connections with the Jedi, leads to the restaurant being used as a rendezvous point from time to time. part of Dexter Jettster's network

Jag (mk):

is part of the Kahn Guard when Kotal's in power. he was raised by the Shaolin Monks until he bailed, moved to the States, got into all sorts of illicit activities. Kung Jin eventually moves onto his couch and joins his crew. those illicit activities land him in a stint with the Black Dragon, which is a real lesson in Kano Is A Bastard. when Erron jumps ship, Jag goes with him. he's kind of an idiot, full of trussed issues, gay as hell, will bring a knife to a gunfight or a gun to a knife fight

Rose (mk):

is part of Danver's crew from before he went BD. the brains of that whole operation. she's severely underdeveloped unfortunately but I promise she's very cool. computer nerd. minimal filter on her in the best way

Eyes (cp2077):

is a ripperdoc with more focus on ripping than doc-ing. from Pacifica, got a long time connection to Mr. Hands. wound up in Maelstrom pretty young, cut his teeth on committing atrocities and revolutionizing Maelstrom's uhhh forcible cyberware implantations and general torture methods :) was real loyal to Brick, so Royce wrecked his shit when he took over, meant to kill him but he managed to get out. winds up on Viktor Vektor's table for recovery, tries very hard to turn over a new leaf. he's a fucked up bastard of a guy I shan't lie. compels me though

[aftoonfamily]

Fnaf Cats Allegiances

That was something in warrior cats right??? Anyway this is just all the characters I have so far and a little about them just cause it’s easier to understand them once you know who is what.

Also this is basically a replacement post from the one earlier that just had a few things dumped in it. This is not all of them I still have a few I wanna draw but yeah

Warnings for general death, violence, child abuse ig if you wanna call it that, and cannibalism

Springtrap (William) was the leader of whatever Clan this is idk. Just a general Clan ig. As a Deputy, he killed their previous leader (I call them Fallenstar cause they are unimportant and just here to die) and went on to become leader of his Clan. Except StarClan knew exactly what he had done and denied him lives. So he went back to the Clan, claimed StarClan denied him leadership, but he was still loyal to his Clan and took the leadership position without the change. Springtrap didn’t really accept that he was not given the nine lives he believed he deserved and so he took them from kits, eating the evidence and claiming each one was killed by the same foxes that killed his own kits.

Hairybelly (Henry) was Springtrap’s deputy. They grew up in a time in the Clan where there wasn’t many kits being born, so they bonded as the youngest few cats for a long while. From then on, they continued to be close friends into adulthood and when they both became fathers. Many of his kits died just after they were born from a number of issues, but two survived. We all already know Springtrap kills Charkit, leaving him just one kit (Sunnykit is his name) that he was fiercely protective of. And when many kits started disappearing, he was so distracted trying to keep his remaining kit safe that he almost didn’t see the connection Springtrap had with all the deaths.

Foxbite (Mike) was originally a warrior apprentice, but on a stupid bet with his denmates, he led his younger brother Cryingkit out of the camp and daring him to go into an abandoned fox den. When Cryingkit ofc refused, he grabbed him by his little baby scruff and threw him inside. It wasn’t as abandoned as originally thought and a fox easily killed the little guy and gobbled him up. After that, Foxpaw couldn’t stomach seeing all that blood and gore again so he was forcibly given a different job that also handled blood and gore. Springtrap had given him the awful name Foxbite as a mockery and then later, when the Clan was starting to get suspicious about all the kittens disappearing, he placed the blame on Foxbite and exiled him.

Charkit, Cryingkit, and Lilykit are the first victims of Springtrap’s gross cannibalism mess. Charkit was murdered first out of jealousy and cursed to be a wondering soul, but then after Springtrap was denied by StarClan his nine lives, he figured out a way to get the lives he desired using Charkit’s soul. It’s not uncommon for cats to eat their dead kittens, but it is wildly uncommon in Warrior Cats which is weird because they are feral cats so.

Anyways Cryingkit we know how he died, but he ended up becoming a “sort of” vengeful spirit to Foxbite. Really he would just haunt the poor dude with visions and dreams of blood and gore, but he was also aware of what their father was doing, so he often used those dreams to show Foxbite what will happen to other kits if he doesn’t stop Springtrap.

Lilykit (Lizzie) died the day she was supposed to become an apprentice. Well, she was littermates with Cryingkit, so technically they were both supposed to become apprentices, but he didn’t make it to the day. Lilykit had followed her father out of camp one day, seeing him leading another kit out. She didn’t see the kill itself, but she did find her father after it was done. He was covered in blood and thought she had witnessed the deed, so he had killed her to cover his tracks. Later, she was the first kit to find out how to possess other cats.

Suzie, Bearkit, Harekit, Finchkit, and Batpaw are the five missing kits. Suzie was a kittypet that her owners thought could be an outdoor cat, only for her to get killed. Bearkit and Harekit are brothers that Springtrap was able to lure out and kill. Finchkit was another he lured out and then chased until he couldn’t run anymore, deliberately injuring his back legs so he couldn’t escape. Springtrap had waited until Batpaw (Cassidy) arrived before killing him. He had offered his apprentice the kill as a symbol she was loyal and would soon be ready to take the deputy position when she is ready. She had refused, Springtrap killed Finchkit, and then hunted Batpaw down and killed her.

Jeremy is a rogue that lived in a barn with his little sister Suzie. Technically he is a kittypet, but he is a completely outdoor cat outside of a few occasions, so he’s more of a rogue than pet. He was worried for his sister when she went missing, but had no reason to believe she was dead until Foxbite and Hairybelly showed up and told him all this crazy shit about his father and the weird forest cats that always tried to fight him. He helped the two of them with shelter while they planned to kill Springtrap, but he did get into a bit of trouble himself.

Vanny is another one of Springtrap’s kits, this time a bastard child of another kittypet. She came to join the Clan to become deputy after Hairybelly left. Despite distrust from the warriors (animatronics) of the Clan, she was very competent and an overall very strong leader. After the numerous attempts to be killed by Foxbite and Hairybelly, Springtrap was blinded and heavily scarred and needed Vanny to take over most of the hard work. She continued his legacy killing kits to give him more lives even when Springtrap didn’t act like Springtrap anymore.

Thunderfoot (GR Freddy) is a decent of Hairybelly (probably from Sunnykit depending on what I want to do) and he knew there is some dark history surrounding the young kits of his Clan. There were not a lot of kits born now, lots of numbers dwindling because of it, but he didn’t understand why. When a scarred and scrappy kit arrived claiming to be a part of this Clan, he took him in, being an early “mentor” to the kit. But then, friends and family started acting strangely around the kit, and he ended up having to save the kit from getting killed by so many warriors in his own Clan. Even the deputy he once trusted was hunting him down.

Wolfstone (Roxie) is a queen of the current Clan. There’s not much use for a queen without kits, but she did have kits before. She had kits with a rogue, the first litter in moons. But one night, her deputy came into the nursery and killed several of them while she fought to protect them. She had woken to three of her kits already dead, but she grabbed her fourth and ran out of the camp to save her. She had found her mate and left the last of her kits with him before going back to her Clan, determined to reveal what had really happened to her kits and kill the one responsible. It didn’t go as well as she had hoped and she was left heavily injured and blinded. She was forced to stay a queen in the nursery as a cruel punishment for the death of her kits.

Dirtkit (Gregory) and Carrotkit (Cassie) are two displaced kits from whatever Clan this is. Dirtkit was the secret kit of another warrior and Carrotkit was the last kit of Wolfstone. Carrotkit had befriended Dirtkit after hearing stories of forest cats that she has heard her father tell her about her mother. They were both determined to go find the Clans to be reunited, but Carrotkit’s father had kept her from going with Dirtkit. It wasn’t until he came back to bring her there did she go along. But something was off about Dirtkit. He didn’t seem right.

Chickadeetooth (GR Chica) and Lizardclaw (Monty) are some of the loyal warriors to Vanny and Springtrap. Chickadeetooth is Thunderfoot’s sister and a close friend to Wolfstone (before she tries murdering kits lol) and Lizardclaw is just an average warrior that is just a little too desperate for a fight and some blood on his paws. They both get what’s coming to them.

[cookinguptales]

When I was younger... I think saying that Ratatatouille was a hyperfixation of mine is too strong, but I will say that it's a movie that came out at just the right time for me personally.

I was going through one of the toughest times in my life in that period, and I was just getting to the age where I could understand that the things happening to me were not right. I was coming to question the worldview that I'd been raised with, and I was starting to understand that many things in my life would be better qualified as abuse. That paired with some other things led to me feeling extremely jaded.

And... I think it would've been really easy for me to become irreparably cynical at that age. I was feeling so disillusioned with so much of my life that it was hard to believe in anything anymore. But then Ratatouille came out and I really resonated with the basic message that sometimes love requires courage, and that the simple act of creation (and finding joy from that creation) could be incredibly meaningful. That cynicism is both easy and enjoyable, but that finding joy, finding meaning, can only happen if you make the conscious decision to reject it.

idk. I think I just really, really needed to hear that at that age.

Since I was very young, I'd actually wanted to be a chef when I grew up. I think... by that age, I was realizing that it wasn't going to happen. I was just so, so sick, and I only got my first diagnosis less than a year after the movie came out. So at the time, I didn't know what was wrong with me, but I knew that I was simply too sick to cook -- and that cooking school, for the most part, was not very accessible if you have mobility disabilities.

But... I wanted to cook this one thing. Just this one thing. I remember it took me hours. Like literally hours -- just for the prep work. We were pretty poor back then and I wasn't going to ask my parents to get a specialty product for the kitchen just so I could cook one dish, so I ended up creating it without a mandoline. I cut all the vegetables by hand.

I was exhausted by the time I was done (and did have a moment of "you idiot, you hate both eggplant and bell peppers, why are you making this?") but there was a real sense of accomplishment there. And I did like it a lot more than traditional ratatouille.

(My issues with eggplant are textural, so cutting it thinly and stacking it with zucchini, one of my favorite foods, helped alleviate that for me. lmao)

I never made it again, though, and these days I cook very little. I'm still sick. I always will be. So... there's still a very specific pain that I feel when I watch that film and they say, "Anyone can cook."

But it's also something that I tell myself the few times that I do cook. When I jerry-rig an accessible cook station in my living room. When I discover ways to make things doable, if not easy. Anyone can cook. Maybe not always, maybe not anything, maybe not the way everyone else does it. Certainly not in a professional kitchen.

But... anyone can cook.

And... truthfully speaking, I had a real breakdown a couple years after this movie came out. I learned in the most brutal fashion possible that my body would not be like everyone else's, no matter how hard I pushed it, and during the forced medical leave that followed, I finally came to some very tough realizations about my life and the adults around me who had failed me. Even, y'know, the ones I loved.

I do think having that kernel of hope, though, and that stubborn refusal to entirely give into cynicism, did help me survive the period. I really tried to throw myself into anything that could give me the barest amount of joy back then rather than being entirely pulled under by the uh. Incredible amount of depression I was dealing with.

I'm not gonna say that Ratatouille saved my life; I think that would be a bit too much. But it certainly didn't hurt. I went through this period in my life where I really kept imprinting on unrepentantly hopeful, optimistic characters that truly believed in the best in people, even when it hurt them. And... I think there were some mirrors there in my own life. I so desperately wanted to believe that things could be good. That the people in my life would be good. And it very much did hurt me.

But... I think I needed all that, too. I don't believe that the world is all Disney optimism or anything, but I think that... y'know, what's the point of anything if you give into despair? Living and continuing to live and eking out joy wherever you find it is a very conscious decision, and one that you have to constantly make. You learn to mine through the shit to find just one thing that makes you remember that life can be very beautiful.

Some days that's a fandom. Some days that's a person. Some days that's confit byaldi. idk, man. Sometimes you have to cut through the calluses that life has given you and just experience something with childlike wonder and hope. That's the real message there, I think. That you have to have the courage to allow yourself to feel joy, even in the smallest ways, when things suck.

Love isn't always rewarded, but... you gotta keep letting yourself feel it, right? It really is all there is.

[rivetgoth]

I’m trying sooooooooo hard to be niceys about this because I DON’T want to sound like an old man OR bitter/negative because it’s NOT a bad thing but man it’s so weird being in my mid 20s now & seeing this like. Massive wave of new industrial fans in their late teens going out to the Skuppy shows. Again this isn’t a bad thing but I find it bizarre because like, a little less than a decade ago I was the baby Skuppy fan, I met Ogre for the first time when I was freshly 18, I had to pull so many strings to get into afterparties for industrial shows for years and I had to pray that the shows themselves would either be 18+/all ages or make an exception for me. I remember having to bargain with guys at the doors to let me in with Xs on my wrists and shit lol. Getting the frontman of [industrial band I won’t name because I don’t want this to be about me bragging] to get me into a 21+ club since he knew me and vouching for me that I’d be trustworthy to security… etc… And back then I was like the ONLY person in my age range ever there LOL, like I did not know a single other person my age going to this stuff—Even the friends closer to my age that I did meet were a couple of YEARS older. I literally don’t think I knew a single under-21 fan the entire time that I was under 21. So seeing now this influx of all these under-21 year old fans is just so surreal to me. Like where did y’all come from? I get followed by 18-21 year old Skuppy fans and other rivetheads alllllllll the time… Again this isn’t a bad thing (tho just generally being aware of the passing of time is strange lol), in fact I genuinely think it’s great that my all time favorite bands are developing bigger fan bases that are going out and supporting them, because it supports the artists and keeps the wider scene alive, and I think it speaks generally to the fact that the industrial and more broadly the dark electric alternative scene has really sort of been exploding these past few years, with countless new super solid projects getting major attention… Maybe something more systemic about frustration with society similar to what spawned first wave industrial too? Idk. It’s just kinda fascinating to see. I think my only real complaint is seeing some of these younger fans who grew up super isolated (in large part due to the pandemic I’m assuming) not really having the practice to have developed social graces and sometimes being really out of touch and even rude to older concert goers, or just kinda messy like not being able to hold their alcohol at all, but I think that’s also a pretty normal part of the “learning how to go outside as an adult” process and Lord knows I was fucking awkward when I first started going out so I try not to get too annoyed lol.

[bluebellhairpin]

Greek Gods + Goddesses

These are just all my thoughts on their appearances, so take it with a grain of salt, and don't take them too seriously. It's not a powerpoint, ik, but forgive me. I'M LAZY.

ZEUS

The Douchebag Supreme has grey hair and a beard, and over all looks good. Dare I say handsome. He can change to look older or younger, but the crows feet at the edges of his eyes never really go away.

Has an air about him that either makes you really like him or really hate him. You'll never see him skip leg or arm day. His bolt takes a lot to throw (more than he'd admit) so his arm/shoulder/back game is too good for someone with such a bad personality.

POSEIDON

Its easy to nail him as a surfer dude, and no one is more tempted to follow than trend than I am, but I'm not. He's actually more of a trawler fisherman. Real burly bulk.

Messy hair, full beard, tanned skin. Probably has a few scars but not as many as Ares. Wears woolen cloths a lot and looks like a grandpa way too often. His hands a really rough from all the stuff he handles with no gloves and the saltwater getting into callouses.

HERA

I had to look at pictures because unlike everyone else, nothing was coming to mind for what she looks like. But yeah I like this long dark hair portrayed in some pictures. More curled than straight though.

Has the kind of face that can go from looking really kind and soft and motherly - the ideal wife - to looking like she'll ask for your head on a platter when she opens her mouth next. A completely sudden switch between the two and she does it flawlessly. Snaps to her, take that Zeus.

APRODITE

Everyone agrees she is gorgeous, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I am a firm believer in the shapeshifter Aphrodite theory, so what she looks like doesn't matter so much.

Because everyone's view on what is beautiful, or who is the prettiest vary from person to person, her looks come across different for each person, including herself. She doesn't mind so much now as she may have previously.

HEPHESTUS

Poor guy was thrown away by his mother because he was ugly. Ik he's a god but that effects people badly, so he probably doesn't maintain a certain type of appearance. His hair is long, not messy, and he's got a full beard that he would never get rid of because of his disfigured face.

He's got the biggest body of all the gods. Built up a lot of muscle with a healthy layer of fat all over. Like the kind of person you could happily nap on, but who could also crush your head in one hand.

ARES

(Yoiking this one from Rick Riordan) He's got a very scarred face. They're all over his body, God of War and all that, but he still has a handsomeness to him. Not saying all his scars are pretty - there's one across his cheek that's particularly gnarly - but he wears them with pride, so it works.

Very bulky in how his body is built, and honestly he probably walks in a way that makes him even more intimidatingly. Very board shoulders, smaller waist but not snatched. Thighs and biceps are LARGE.

HADES

Just because he's the of of the underworld, I'm going to say his skin is almost transparent in some lighting, you can see his skeleton. I know he's not the god of death, but souls enter in his realm and idk but I feel like he'd kinds fit into that. And I think it looks cool.

Very tall and thin. Dark hair. Looks more starved and wet and paretic than all the blorbos from your shows put together. His eyes are dark but like his skin they seem to fade in and out of existence.

HERMES

He's hard for me to pinpoint a look for. The god of travelers and thieves, a messenger. One thing I can say is that he's small. Not tiny, and by human standards ig he's pretty average. Most likely to pass by you on the street and you not even notice or look at him twice.

Can get into small spaces (flexible), and has the endurance to walk or run whenever he wants (I thinking good leg power). Also most likely to have no collarbones and be blond. idk why.

APOLLO

Gets so much sun time, so his hair is majorly sun-bleached like sailors who spend too much time on deck out at sea, but his skin is dark and full of melanin. He's the one I can see being portrayed as only ever being black - the others are definitely chameleons, but Apollo is definingly a black guy in my books.

Immaculate skincare routine. He thinks it is anyway, even though it could definitely be worse (better? Let's say more complex). Either way, flawless skin. Rocks the moles he has though.

ARTEMIS

I knew she and Apollo are twins, but he's the sun and she's the moon. So her hair is super dark, and her skin is so pale. The only sunlight she sees (unless she's on Mt Olympus) is what's reflected off the moon. Starved Victorian Child kind of pale. Being tanned is a lifestyle and it's not one she lives.

Very small in body-type. I'm thinking almost child-like, but not quite. As if she never grew out of her teen years into maturity. Eternal youth and maidenhood and all that. Her power in in her arms, drawing back on a bow takes practice and time and damn her arms are good for it. Flawless draw.

[kaus-quietis]

Greetings, Anon! Thank you for your questions. I have to admit, even in the past, I refrained from posting reactions or speculations as BSD chapters release, but you already knew that, so I will indulge you. I'll answer each part of your ask. BSD ch113 thoughts below, manga spoilers ahead.

♠ "What was your raw reaction?" It was not a calm, quiet one, I can tell you that. No, in fact I screamed with excitement as if I was in a Roman amphitheatre and my favourite gladiator just got back up on his feet, out of sheer force of will, grinning and sweaty. My scream was the fastest way I could "verbalize" the fact that I was overjoyed to see him alive again, even if it's in the 15th century, and on top of that he seemed to be some kind of spy monk all chained up and having what seems to be a ridiculous amount of fun getting caught and discussing with Bram. This is all very in-character for him.

♠ "Was that something you expected?" Absolutely not. Yes, yes, I truly did not expect a jump back in time and this infobomb drop, despite the fact that we did get a few hints that Fedya seemed present at past events when all the other character really appeared younger than him (near the end of S4ep3, where on a rooftop Fedya says "It's not V, it's Five" and I am seriously like bruh I give up what I want to say is I need more data to work with, what am I supposed to do with this, rationally speaking?). However, we can't yet extract anything conclusive from this. Is he ageless? A time-traveler? Immortal? Does he revive? When was he born? Was he born at all or created differently somehow? Is he of BSD's world, or an external one (Beast liveaction finale anyone?)? Is this all within the Book and he's just… idk flipping the pages? Anything is possible and I refuse to spend a lot of time working with incomplete data. This is not very follower-friendly (as in, my blog is basically inactive in-between), I know and I apologize, but if after many chapters there will be something worthwile to add to my essay (with what Fukuchi said in ch113 I already have important stuff to add), under those circumstances I will consider writing an update. It's not yet time.

♠ "<Was that> something you felt different for the characterization we all made for Fyodor?" Hmm, I would hesitate to refer to a characterization "we all made" for him (I wish! T o T), because my analysis and blog are but a tiny tiny part of the fandom (I think…? I wonder about my Fedya essay's reach or influence sometimes). But let's say here we refer to one that comes close to what I tried to show in my essay. In that case, I would say that there is nothing to fear here in this chapter, but it's very understandable to have massive trust issues at this point. We went through a miserable, miserable time when the previous ones made the guy who visually memorized a full deck of used cards somehow not notice Chuuya wearing contacts and fake vampire teeth, despite knowing the vampire race since… well, the 15th century! I cannot even begin to describe what I felt reading ch111.5-112, I was beyond repulsed. Lovers of "villain" characters understand the following thing well: in most media, our fav has to lose, he has to die or disappear at some point, with rare exceptions. I, too, know this well, but that was no compelling way to solve BSD's villain threat. I still don't know how BSD will wash away that narrative stain, as I consider it, but then again one of the reasons we love this manga is that it keeps us on the edge of our seats and the most absurd yet fun turns can happen out of the blue. We can reasonably ask ourselves: ok, what is the purpose of showing Fedya's backstory now? If it's for build-up, we can already start grinning like Cheshire cats. What could possibly be next? I'm cautiously optimistic, things look in-character and good to me. Very good, in fact.

♠ "Or do you think it is later on going add some depth to his character?" Backstories are shown usually for a very clear purpose. We don't know the purpose yet, but if it's done well, then… then my whole essay could be at risk lmao (and I love this sensation). New info could add so much depth to his character, in fact, that his previously observed traits could gain new meanings, or even contradictory ones. Whichever it will be, I think it's pretty safe to bet on "his backstory will be very relevant".

♠ Bonus: even if I enjoy going "full analytical" and enter conference speech mode when asked, I am driven by strong emotions, by which I want to say – I am not immune to assassin/spy monk Fedya chained up like that and having the time of his life again. I missed seeing him entertained like that, and his current …………. visual representation in the.. uh. ..chapter, yeah, well, it's doing things to my Depeche Mode-worshipping heart.

Anyway, to conclude with some facts we know as of now:

a. Fedya and Bram are inside the Bran Castle, close to the Romanian city of Brașov, "deep in the Carpathians" although not built at high altitude itself. It's basically a fortress built between 1377-1388, with several later additions. The BSD representation of it is very accurate to how it looks today. It's near perfect, actually, I applaud.

b. Bram mentions King Matthias, and in this context that can only mean Matthias Corvinus, King of Hungary for 1458-1490. The meeting between Fedya and Bram thus happens some year during his reign, when Transylvania was still part of the Kingdom of Hungary. What is still strange to me is that I can't pinpoint Bram's exact position, as in… were his people independent? Or avoided? I feel like I need to re-read past Bram-related chapters to think about this.

c. Nevermind Bram, the things that Fukuchi says, those are the real goldmine here, but the gold is still… encrypted? I mean: Fedya made the DoA plan (more than confirmed now), and because Fukuchi asked for the condition to keep casualties under 500, Fedya respected that and we got entertained for like half of the whole BSD manga: using coin bombs for terror, for economic/political destabilization, using the vampire infection to avoid further violence, these things. The more you think about it, the more insane it gets. Since Fedya agreed to this condition, it means causing (more) deaths and violence were expendable things to him. (But imagine this: Fukuchi said "I want max. 500 deaths" and Fedya said "Yeah I can do that", now if Fukuchi would've said "I want max. 2 deaths" I really believe Fedya would've still said "Yeah I can do that". What can't he do, especially since murder for murder's sake isn't his goal?). This is in perfect harmony with his "necessary deaths only" approach so far, and much much more. There are far more implications in what Fukuchi said, which I won't type out here now. Gotta keep them and build around them for a future analysis update.

This was a rather long read, but still, I hope this satisfies your curiosities, Anon. *bows dramatically & disappears in a borderline insufferable ENTP way*

[bigskydreaming]

Totally random thought, but you know how no fandom has such a thing as completely normalized tags, BUT many fandoms or parts of a fandom have popular tags for finding fics on Ao3 with specific tropes?

Like for instance, I remember a few years back that a lot of the fic writers in the pro-Scott corner of Teen Wolf fandom tried to idk, kinda start a trend of using tags like ‘Scott-centric’ or ‘Scott McCall as Primary Character’ when posting fics on Ao3, because we wanted to make it easier for Scott fans to find fics that were specifically ABOUT him, given that there’s usually no way to differentiate between those kinds of fics and fics that have him tagged as being in it.....but he’s just a completely background character in a S/tydia or S/terek fic who has maybe a few lines....which of course is just....not what most Scott fans are looking for when they use Scott McCall in the search filters to try and find something about him to read.

And so anyone who follows us on tumblr, where we talked about this, know to search for ‘Scott-centric’ or ‘Scott McCall as Primary Character’ and they’ll definitely find any fics written by various pro-Scott mutuals....but tumblr isn’t the entirety of any fandom, lol, and there’s plenty of other fics on Ao3 that do fit that tag but wouldn’t necessarily think to use that tag in specific for people to search for.....and even if they DID try to make a distinct tag to advertise that Scott is the main character of their fic, there’s no guarantee that what they come up with would be similar enough phrasing to get sorted into the an common parent tag.

Because something I was thinking about recently is the fact that like......I SUCK at coming up with tags when posting a fic on Ao3. Its easily my least favorite part of the posting process because uh....as any longtime follower knows, I may be creative but ORGANIZED? Not a strength of mine, lol. I can write a 5K one shot no problem, but then tell me now I have to come up with tags that are actually helpful in guiding people who might be interested in it to find it, and I’m like.....Kalen.exe has stopped working.

And I do know I’m not the only one who struggles with tags....both coming up with ones to help people find their fic, or coming up with tags to search for to narrow down their options when looking to read a fic that falls within specific parameters.

The problem of course is getting specific tags to catch on in a way that’s actually opt-in and helpful to both writers and readers.

For example.....fics where Dick Grayson is depicted as being an asshole to Jason Todd when they were younger? Obviously on my no-fly list. Not what I’m ever looking to read, and not something I’d ever write. So of course I always filter out ‘Dick Grayson is a bad brother’ the same way I filter out ‘Scott McCall is a Bad Friend’....but its not like this is guaranteed to catch all or even most fics that contain these tropes. Because while there are writers who dislike these characters enough to highlight that they think they’re jerks, there’s plenty who also write the characters that way but almost as an afterthought or due to popular fanon trends.....while they themselves don’t actually think about the character in question enough that it even occurs to them to include tags that are specific to their depiction of characters who are just....not priorities for them, personally.

But at the same time, as a writer.....whenever I tag fics where I want fans of these characters to know that I am definitely not writing these specific tropes, so fans who are frankly exhausted by the prevalence can easily find my fic among the thousands and thousands of fics that pop up when you just search out their character tags.....

Like, I don’t actually think oh just use the exact opposite tag, even though I wrote the fic to BE the exact opposite of a Dick hates Jason or a Scott is a bad friend fic.

And THAT is because of how many fics get tagged something like Dick Grayson is a Good Brother.....by writers who view ‘being a good brother’ as Dick only ever appearing in that fic to support or prop up one of his siblings. Just like many Scott fans never go searching the ‘Scott McCall is a Good Friend’ tag because of how damn MANY fics tagged that only consider him a good friend when writing him as just.....existing to affirm or validate Stiles and only do what he says at any given opportunity, lol.

Obviously this is a generalization and there ARE fics tagged Dick Grayson is a Good Brother that I would like due to him having a positive relationship with various siblings but WITHOUT being sidelined and still getting to have a sizable role in the fic or a plot of his own....but unless they’re written or recommended by a mutual, I’m not necessarily likely to ever find that fic because in large fandoms like Batfam or Teen Wolf, even specific character tags can be tiring to wade through.

Like I don’t filter OUT these tags in the same way I do specifically negative tags, but I don’t search them out and I certainly don’t tag my stuff with these tags, because as an example....Scott McCall is a Good Friend pulls up 1,800 fics when I search just that tag in specific on Ao3.

And I think most Scott fans would agree that there are NOT 1,800 fics where Scott is portrayed as a good friend....but in a way that still lets him be the kind of nuanced or spotlighted kind of character Scott fans are looking for when they search for something to read. But its still a hell of an undertaking to search through even ‘just’ 1,800 fics in search of the relative few where he is a good friend BUT in a way that actually respects his character and doesn’t just make him a prop for the actual focal characters in a fic.

So when tagging fics I want LIKE-MINDED Dick Grayson or Scott McCall fans to find easily, I’m more likely to tag a fic with something like ‘Dick and Jason don’t hate each other’ or ‘Dick didn’t fire Tim.’ 

I don’t want to tag fics ‘Bruce Wayne Is A Bad Parent’ because so many of those fics exaggerate him into a one-dimensional abusive monster and that’s never what I’m trying to write and I don’t want people automatically filtering out my fic if I use that tag when THEY’RE just trying to avoid over-the-top abusive Bruce fics.....but at the same time, I DO like to focus on specific canon instances where Bruce has been problematic as hell, like NTT #55. 

And I know and respect that there are many Bruce fans who consider a lot of these instances OOC and are just not what they’re looking to read when they look for fics about his dynamic with his kids.....so I’m not about to go tagging a Bruce-critical fic with ‘Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent’ just because I’m not writing that fic to smear Bruce’s character or paint him as an irredeemable monster. Because I get that 90% of the people who go searching the Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent tag aren’t looking to read a fic that highlights one of his more fucked up character moments while still trying to reconcile that within his larger characterization overall....realistically, most fans who search out the Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent tag usually prefer fics that don’t treat his worst parenting instances as canon.

So I think tags that are more nuanced or specific than ‘Bruce Wayne is a Good/Bad Parent’ or ‘Dick Grayson is a Good Brother’ or Scott McCall is a Good Friend absolutely WOULD be helpful for a lot of writers and readers alike....but only if they’re tagged with a phrasing that people actually search out, or that the writer thinks to specify as a tag.

The problem of course being....how do you make more specific tags popular or common enough that they actually catch on in a way that makes it easier to search for fics because these tags become a go-to search option for fans rather than just being a matter of one getting lucky enough to search with a phrasing that a writer thought to specifically tag for?

All of which led me to this thought:

What if instead of trying to make various tags commonplace among specific fandom circles of writers/readers.....any interested writers make use of just ONE specific tag. Something like including “open to tagging suggestions” - not unlike how many writers tag their fics ‘ask to tag’ when open to readers suggesting they include a specific trigger warning that they the writer might have overlooked or not thought to include in the first place?

It has to be acknowledged that you are occasionally going to run into the problem of some readers being presumptive or overbearing about this, framing their suggestions not as suggestions but as ‘you should have tagged your fic with this’......BUT I think the potential benefits mitigate or outweigh this likelihood.

A) Obviously no writer HAS to use any tags suggested by readers, but all the suggestions readers might make for tags an author hasn’t already included.....are going to be tags that reader would have searched for specifically TO find a fic like the one they’re commenting on. 

And while it depends on how many suggestions a writer gets, its not necessarily realistic that a writer is going to end up adding EVERY tag suggested by readers.....but there’s definitely likely to be SOME suggestions that are useful and help guide more interested readers to that fic. Especially if you’re a writer who struggles with tagging and never finds it easy to decide what tags might be relevant or helpful for finding your fic.

B) Volunteering that you’re open to hearing about tagging suggestions makes it more likely that any readers who were put-off by your fic would be polite and helpful when suggesting there’s a tag that could help warn off fans who aren’t looking for the kind of takes you’re offering. The entire reason that tags like “Dick Grayson is a Bad Brother” ARE helpful as search filters is because a writer who uses that tag gets that fans of the character are not likely to enjoy their take on the character. They’re not the intended audience for that fic. Not everything appeals to every reader. 

So there is a precedent for tags intended to warn off fans of various characters that this fic includes characterizations they’re not going to like.....and advertising that you as a writer are receptive to hearing about tags that could warn other readers they might not be the target audience for your fic - especially with longer fics - could in the longrun help you weed out readers who are most likely to be bothered by your characterization of their fave.

C) It could lead to more reader engagement with your fic in general. Readers who might otherwise just leave a kudo, not because they don’t WANT to comment on your fic but because many readers don’t know have a clear idea of what they want to say about a fic or what they liked about it......might be more inclined to think about what about that fic specifically appealed to them, and mention this with a suggestion for a tag. 

Fans who like specific takes on a fave character WANT to see more of these specific takes. The more popular fics that use that take are, the more commonplace that take is likely to become, inspiring others in turn. The more fans are able to regularly seek out fics with this specific take, the more that take becomes known as something fans WANT to seek out, which in turn lets authors know hey, there’s an audience for this take.

So even if you’re a reader who doesn’t frequently comment because you don’t have any idea what to say other than ‘great fic, I really loved it’ and you worry that’s a lame comment or writers don’t want to hear that (its not, btw, I love any and all comments I get).....like, writers using a tag like ‘open to tagging suggestion’ provides both a focus for a potential comment and a REASON to leave a comment when you might not otherwise. 

Because if there is a specific aspect of a fic that you really loved, or it resonated with you because of the author’s specific take on a fave character, letting that author know that this is something that you would’ve sought out their fic for specifically, if they knew from your tags that your fic contained this element or take.....that means there’s likely other readers who would be interested in this fic if they knew that specific appealing element was present.

And you’d not only be helping that author potentially find more readers who are the intended or ideal audience for that specific fic, but having that reason to focus on what about the fic made you love it so much makes it that much easier to come up with something specific to say about it, ie ‘and btw, I really loved this aspect of your fic in particular, or for this specific reason.’

Both of which - more readers and specifics about what readers liked - are things I think most writers would agree we all love.

Anyway, just a musing I was pondering. Thoughts?