#idk how to phrase this in a way that sounds like... good? nice?

[aro-culture-is]

Romance favorable aro culture is being a little sad that you won't get to meet someone who you'll have a fairytale ending with becuase you don't really fall in love. I'm still upset that I dont

.

[arminsumi]

I want to kiss you / キスしたい

G. Satoru

NOTE: i recently started learning to write in japanese for not much reason other than to occupy my mind with something new. this little daydream came to me and i can't stop thinking about it, i think falling in love despite a language barrier is one of the purest and sweetest ways to fall in love.

WARNINGS — it might be fem reader idk, kissing 👍, ur married w him at the end, not proofread lol i'm snuggled up in bed ok

Satoru cant speak english and you cant speak japanese; Suguru is the translator friend. You met him online years ago, who knows how. But you hit it off, and four years of friendship rolled by.

Satoru heard all about Y/n and saw you many times when Suguru facetimed or called you. You and him had many cute, playful interactions, ranging from making hearthands at each other to flipping each other off and laughing about it. Sometimes Satoru would be sat off-camera, overloading Suguru with things to translate, because he had a lot to say to you. One time, Suguru left for a few minutes to get a pizza delivery, and then Satoru got very quiet and the two of you blinked at your screens.

"Hi."

"Hi."

And then you two for some reason started laughing with your whole chests, Suguru walked in with a confused smirk. He joked, "Sooo... what did you and Satoru talk about while I was gone?" He asked, gentle accent coming through in soft waves. "The mysteries of the universe." You replied. Satoru was already diving into the pizza box, but he still listened to you speak; he wondered what you had said, maybe you used some fancy words to say that you liked him? He'd be lying if he said he didn't memorize variations of "i like you" after that. He was paranoid that he could miss you saying that you liked him.

You managed a slow, meticulously-pronounced nice to meet you in Japanese when you finally visited Tokyo. It was at the airport. You and Suguru had shared many hugs — good grief, you'd seen height comparisons many times but none painted a real idea of just how big these boys were. But Satoru? He was loudmouthed on a screen and surprisingly shy in person. Eventually he hugged you and didn't let go. He even got so comfy as to hang and cling to your body like you saw him doing with Suguru in countless photos and videos.

Though you could barely pronounce the little Japanese that you picked up, Satoru felt giddy to hear your pretty voice in his language. He listened to you like you were reciting love poetry to him, fists under his chin and eyes starry. But you were just saying basic phrases, boring things — nothing that articulated your thoughts properly.

He was far too embarrassed to try and speak any English when he first met you, even though after developing a crush on you he did start learning some English on the side. He knew quite a bit, but listening was so impossibly difficult it frustrated him like nothing else. He was also self-conscious of his English accent, though Suguru tried to assure him that he sounded very cute and almost oddly British.

So often instead of attempting to speak tiny phrases to you, Satoru threw a lot of hand motions and signals your way which got the two of you and Suguru laughing — poor Sugie, he was always translating even the smallest things you said even if you muttered them under your breath, because Satoru was eager to know every little thought and expression you had, even if you were simply commenting on the weather.

Once you commented that it was so hot, you were visiting during a heatwave-filled summer. Satoru raised his brows at Suguru expectantly, and you heard a familiar translation;

暑い。

It's hot.

There was such a frustrating language barrier between the two of you, it became more evident when you had finally flown over the sea to meet them.

Yet you and satoru fell in love silently and beautifully, your love flowing like a river in the most unexpected directions. You felt his affection emanating from his irises. You and him joked around, and talked — though you had no idea what the other meant most of the time. Sometimes the two of you gave up and you talked in English, he responded with Japanese, and it went on like that very comedically until Suguru came back to bridge the gap.

Lots of time was spent putting your heads together over your phone, reading translations of what you wanted to say to each other.

One day, when Suguru left the two of you alone in his apartment kitchen so that he could hop to the convenience store, Satoru typed something into the translator and let you read it. Your face warmed up.

キスしたい。

I want to kiss you.

He looks at you expectantly.

You type back to him.

Then kiss me.

それからキスして。

He blushed and hesistated, the two of you making electric eye contact for a while before he boyishly pecked your lips to test if you liked his kiss, but oh that's all the two of you needed to realize just how much you liked each other. You melted into each other like your bodies were made for nothing else but to embrace and be one. He shook a little, tentatively gliding his lips over yours. His hands nervously cupped your cheeks. With the way he handled you so carefully, you'd think you were made of porcelain.

Your reciprocation meant everything to him. His confidence flourished. The soft smacking, wet sounds got louder when he kissed you more passionately. Those gentle hands found their way to the back of your neck, and he softly pressed you closer to him as if he was scared you would pull away. What if you changed your mind mid-kiss? He was overthinking and you wouldn't have even guessed it, because you thought he was in the same blissed out dream state as you were. So high on kissing that the world fell away.

The two of you started smiling embarrassedly, grinning so hard that you couldn't continue kissing. Then the two of you just giggled against each other's faces — a subconscious realization swept him; laughter and kissing are their own languages.

Yes as years passed and you visited time and time again, your Japanese improved and his English improved. When you moved to Japan, eventually you adopted a messy mix of Japanese and English with Satoru. He liked showing off how perfectly he could pronounce things, and you liked showing off that you could write very neat kana.

Years and years and years passed and when you and him were married in your own little apartment, starting a life together, a very fluent Satoru reminisced about how the two of you fell in love despite barely speaking to each other.

"It was your eyes for me." You said.

"Oh really? It was your voice for me. I didn't know what you were saying, but it sounded nice." He said.

"Mmm I liked your voice, too." You said, snuggling your head on his shoulder. He basked in the attention, though it was common, it always felt special for him. The smallest hand touches and wrist kisses made his heart lurch.

"Remember when I always nagged Suguru to translate every little thing you said?"

"Yeah, you worked him to the bone." You chuckled.

"I just wanted to know what you were saying. I had such a crush on you, looking back now it was even ridiculous how much I liked you considering the barrier and all."

"Ooh, did you?"

"How is this surprising? We're married??"

"Oh yeah."

[thatfreshi]

Appreciate the Astarion works!!! 💙💙💙

If you'd like another request, what about Tav gifting him something that allows him to see his reflection? Idk some kinda spell/amulet/potion? They're already to the point where he feeds from them or in a relationship and he's just beyond touched/ shocked they would do something for him like this? (Bc we know he's not ever had the most kindness shown to him)

he's been living rent free in my head and I just want to give him everything his undead lil heart desires.

Recommended Song: Mirrorball - Taylor Swift

(I just started listening to her music and holy shit this song is so them!!!)

It's late, the perfect time of day for the two of you. You and Astarion and out in your backyard, putting out some new furniture that he haggled for today. It's hard to say no to that smile, you would know. As you move nice chairs around debating where you should put them, you get into a playful argument.

"I know you're like, the house decorator, but gods why can't we put it in this corner?"

"Because darling, it'll ruin the feng shui. We should put the chairs here instead, and keep the plants over here."

You roll your eyes.

"I bet you don't even know what feng shui means."

"I don't, but it sure sounds fancy doesn't it?"

You giggle.

"What, I'm laughable because I don't know one tiny phrase? I bet there are plenty of words you don't know."

"Well, I don't know them, so I'm not worried about them."

You saunter over to him, throwing your arms up around his shoulders, and the two of you stare at each other for a moment.

"You know our anniversary is tomorrow right?"

"How could I forget my sweet?"

"I don't know, maybe the way you forgot what feng shui means."

"Okay, ouch. But yes of course, I have wondrous plans for the two of us."

"Okay but you can't have that good of plans because I really need to make sure you don't one-up this."

You walk back into the house for a brief moment, grabbing a scroll out of your bag.

"When I walked away while we were at the market, because I said I got tired of hearing you argue with that old lady? Well, I found this."

You hold the scroll out, and he gently grabs it out of your hands.

"I tried to get Gale to teach me, but you know I'm not very magically inclined so..."

He unrolls the scroll, reading the scrawled writing.

"This is-"

You cut him off in excitement.

"Mirror image! I thought maybe you could use it to make a reflection of yourself."

He stares at the scroll in shock.

"How much did you pay for this?"

"None of your damn business."

You grin at him, knowing all too well that you paid that guy way too much.

"This is very sweet my dear, I... I don't know what to say."

"Well you don't have to say anything, try it!"

After reading for a moment, he goes to cast the spell. He says a few words that go right over your head, and suddenly there were three more Astarions in your backyard.

"Gods!"

Astarion's cry of shock echoed through, all four of him? You're not quite sure how this works. After getting his bearings, Astarion looks around at his three reflections.

"Wow, this is certainly... wow."

You're so excited, you can finally show him all the little details you like about him, he gets to see how gorgeous he is, the list goes on and on.

"Okay, I have to do something funny, because I NEED you to see your little laugh lines. Hm..."

He furrows his brow at you, wondering what you're planning. And then you tickle his sides, causing an eruption of laughter.

"Quick, look!"

As he's still smiling, he catches a glimpse of one of the reflections, the little crow's feet he gets when he laughs.

"Oh, that was so important you had to attack me? If anything they make me look old."

"Well... you are kinda old."

He playfully pushes your shoulder. After the two of you quiet your laughter, he stands staring at one of the reflections, taking it all in. The eyes, the hair, trying to remember what he used to look like.

"What do you think?"

"I think... I think it's fitting."

He snarls to look at his fangs. Astarion has never seen just how menacing he can be, why people listen to him when he's threatening. You don't see anything scary though. Maybe you used to, long long ago. But now, he's just Astarion. That's all he has to be.

"This red really is quite bright."

He says, commenting on his eyes.

"Yeah, they're nice though. Piercing."

"At least my hair looks as good as I think it does. All my efforts haven't been wasted."

And just as fast as they came, the reflections vanish, fading out of existence. It's just the two of you again.

"Damn, I thought it would last a little longer."

You frown a little, wondering if it was really worth it. Astarion catches your glance, realizing your doubt. He tilts your chin up and cups your face in his hand.

"Even if it was short, it was a wondrous gift darling. I appreciate it, truly. Besides, now I know what kind of handsome devil you've ended up with."

"Yeah, trust me, I know."

You wrap yourselves up in each other, locking lips, somehow sharing your gratitude for each other in kisses. He gets a little handsy, and you jokingly whisper to him.

"Should've done this with the reflections."

He laughs quietly.

"Oh hush."

You end the evening tangled up in each other, and he seems to be more sure of himself than usual. Turns out seeing yourself after two hundred years can do something for the ego. Maybe one day, you'll find a more permanent soluton, but for now, one little scroll is enough. He's enough. You're both enough, as long as you have each other.

[haddonfieldwhore]

i don’t dance - matthew tkachuk

matthew tkachuk x fem!reader

summary: while on a road trip with your best friend, he shows you around calgary, including his favourite country bar

warnings: drinking, language, nsfw themes/implied smut, i’ve been thinking about cowboy matt a lot lately, idk how to line dance so i apologize in advance

word count: 1.9k yeehaw matt playlist 🎧

“matty, you’re joking right?” you pleaded hopefully, looking at your best friend who stood before you, a black cowboy hat atop his head.

“you know what they say - when in…calgary,” he replied with a toothy grin.

“i think the phrase is ‘when in rome, genius,” you both laughed. but you were not in rome, you were in calgary alberta, and matthew had spent his entire day off showing you around the city he spent so many years calling home. you knew matt had loved his time with the flames, but florida was home now; and he was off to a great start with the panthers, as well as enjoying the warm weather.

you and the tkachuks had grown up down the street from eachother in st.louis, and while you were closer to his sisters age, you had always been closest with matthew. you had visited him in calgary a few times, but hadn’t spent a ton of time there while he lived there. when he told you he was moving to florida, you went with him, tired of being so far away from your best friend.

“it’s a country bar, i have to dress the part,” he argued. matty had shown you the arena, the house where he had lived when he was with the flames, and various landmarks around the city. the final stop on your tour was a bar that he insisted on dragging you to, despite your known aversion for country music.

“i’m not really sure it’s my scene,” you sighed, looking through your suitcase for anything remotely appropriate to wear tonight. it was surprisingly warm out despite being late in the evening, so you settled on some cutoff denim shorts and a tight, low cut t-shirt that showed off your cleavage. you got dressed in the bathroom of the hotel room you and matt were sharing, a little nervous as you looked at yourself in the mirror. over the years you had developed a small crush on the curly haired boy you had known for so long; and you secretly hoped he thought you looked hot as you adjusted your shorts one more time before heading back out.

“is this okay?” you asked, the way matthews breath caught in his throat as he turned around going unnoticed. his eyes traveled up your bare legs and over your chest before meeting your gaze, giving you a smile and hoping you hadn’t realized he was checking you out.

“you look great,” he smiled, and you felt a bit relieved. “now if you had some cowboy boots-“

“no way in hell. not even you could get me to wear those, matty. nice try though,” you laughed, pushing his chest softly as you walked by to put in you shoes. he silently wondered what you had meant by ‘not even you’, but didn’t question it, instead grabbing his red flannel shirt and throwing it in over his tshirt before following you out the door, trying not to think about how good your ass looked in those tiny shorts. maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all, he thought.

•

to say you were nervous walking into the bar was an understatement, and while you had tried your best to dress the part, you were worried you would stick out like a sore thumb. you slid your hand into matthews, and his heart skipped a beat as he pulled you behind him into the building, and towards an empty table in the back. it wasn’t too busy thankfully, but there were some people dancing already, the sound of boots on the floor mixing with the music and chatter.

“relax, why are you so nervous?” he laughed at you from across the table, reaching his hand across the table to stop yours from shaking as they sat atop the wooden surface.

“i don’t know, i just feel out of place,” you admitted.

“just breathe. you know i won’t let anything happen to you,” he smiled, amused by how nervous you were over something so small. your heart skipped a beat, and you hoped you weren’t blushing too much; but who could blame you if you were, hearing something like that.

after you and matthew each finished a few beers and the bar filled up with more people, you felt surprisingly relaxed. what was not relaxing, however, was the way your breathing stopped everytime matt’s leg brushed against yours under the table; and you weren’t sure if he was doing it on purpose or not.

“do you trust me?” he asked suddenly, a mischievous sparkle in his eyes as the corner of his mouth curled upward. you nearly choked on your drink as he glanced over at the dance floor.

“not when you look at me like that,” you admitted, but let him take your hand in his and pull you into the floor. “matty i have no idea how to dance- nevermind this kind of dancing.”

“it’s easy. if i can do it, anyone can,” he smiled. you were thankful to be off to the side of the dancefloor, with little chance of running into anyone as matt’s hands landed on your hips, his fingertips cold as they brushed against your skin where you shirt had ridden up slightly.

his breath was hot on your shoulder and he stood behind you, guiding your body forward to the music.

“you just step like this, and then to the side, tap your feet together, then step back,” he instructed, showing you slowly what to do, before the two of you repeated the steps together. “and then, when you step back this time, you can add a spin.”

your hands landed on his chest as he spun you around, and his arms circled your waist as you looked up at him. his blue eyes seemed darker thank usual as he stared down at you, but maybe it was just the shadow from his hat. did he always smell this good? you asked yourself, the close proximity allowing the scent of his cologne to reach your nose, and maybe it was just the alcohol talking, but he smelled like heaven.

“think you’ve got it?” he asked under his breath, both of you unable to break the eye contact.

“no,” you muttered. “show me again,” you requested, turning around and placing his hands back on your hips, sliding his fingertips ever so slightly into the waistband of your shorts.

“fuck,” he breathed out, so quiet you almost didn’t hear it; but you did. matt walked you through the steps again, this time leaving no space between the two of you, allowing you to feel him pressing against your backside the whole time. he spun you around, this time pulling you flush against him as you wrapped your arms around the back of his neck, your lips just centimetres apart.

“now what?” you asked, barely above a whisper as your chest rose and fell, the room suddenly feeling very warm.

“kiss me,” he requested, his eyes half lidded as your leaned up to capture his lips with your own. your mouths moved together, his tongue running along your bottom lip before slipping into your mouth as he held you tight. he groaned as you tugged at the curls that peeked out from beneath his hat at the base of his neck, before you both separated to catch your breath.

“do you teach all your dance partners that part or is that just me?”

“god, just you,” the words melted off his tongue as he kissed you again, biting at your bottom lip gently. “you have no idea how long i’ve wanted to kiss you.”

“maybe as long as i’ve wanted you to?”

“i don’t know - is that a long time?”

“yeah,” you breathed out as he kissed your neck. “matty-“ the words caught in your throat, your train of thought lost as you realized he had defiantly left a hickey below your jawline.

“do you have any idea how hot you look in those shorts? the light bouncing of your skin?” he whispered.

“i wore them for you,” you replied, suprised at the confidence you were finding. things were always easy with matthew, your friendship coming so naturally; you had a bond that nothing could ruin.

“jesus, you’re gonna get me into trouble.”

“why’s that?” you asked, looking up at him, barring your eyelashes innocently.

“because we’re in public right now, and i’m finding it really difficult to not rip those fucking shorts off you right here,” he admitted, his voice low.

“so take me home.” his eyes closed for a second, before he grabbed your hand and walked you back to your table of empty bottles and threw enough cash on the table to cover the tab three times. you couldn’t hide the smile on your flushed face as he dragged you out of the bar, his other hand calling an uber with his phone.

•

matthews leg shook the entire ride back to the hotel, which while in reality was only about ten minutes, felt like about three hours. his hand rested on you thigh, his calloused fingertips tracing little shapes on your skin. while still being careful not to hurt your wrist, he pulled you quickly out of the car after paying the driver and his lips were on yours the second the elevator door closed.

“matty, someone could come in any second-“

“don’t tempt me, i’ll hit the panic button and stop this damn thing-“ he nearly growled, his teeth nipping at the skin below your ear.

“relax, baby - we’re almost there,” you murmured, but silently wished that the elevator would speed up. the two of you stumbled down the hall to the doorway, matt unable to keep his hands off you the whole time, pinning you against the door as he fumbled in his pocket for the key card.

“you’re making it really hard to focus right now….” he groaned as you left a trail of kisses up the side of his neck, the door finally opening behind you and allowing matthew to push you backwards into the suite.

“is that the only thing i’m making hard?“ you asked, palming his length through his jeans that had become significantly tighter, and he nearly whimpered at your touch. usually it would take more to get that kind of reaction out of him, but you had an effect on him like no one else ever would.

“don’t tease-“ you interrupted him by connecting your lips again, trailing your hands up his chest and sliding the flannel shirt off his shoulders and letting it fall to the floor. his hands slid under your t-shirt and pulled it over your head. he took his hat off and placed it atop your head before attaching his lips to your collarbone, his hands reaching down to undo your shorts.

“you want this, right?” he said, his hands pausing as his eyes met yours, both of you breathing heavily.

“please, matty-“ you pulled his pelvis against yours by his belt loops and he groaned, his head falling back as his eyes closed and his mouth fell open slightly. “i need you.”

you helped eachother out of the rest of your clothes, tumbling to the bed with your lips still connected, hands wandering all over. you rolled on top of matt, straddling his lap as you admired how messy his curls had gotten from your hands tangling in his hair.

“what’s that song called again? save a horse, ride a cowboy?” you teased, and he smiled, sitting up and holding you in his lap, placing a kiss on your lips.

“i thought you didn’t listen to country music?” he smirked, adjusting the cowboy hat that still sat on your head.

“i’ve heard one or two songs in my lifetime,” you smiled as he kissed you deeply, tossing the hat aside as he rolled on top of you.

disclaimer: all screenshots, events, and/or interactions depicted in this are a work of fiction. i have no association with any parties mentioned

[gretavanlace]

Call and Response

Jake Kiszka x reader

18+ only! Minors do not interact!

Warnings: graphic sexual content, pet names, dirty talk, language, orgasm denial, fingering, idk probably some others I missed

This is just something quick to get this delicious ask outta my head. It was so good, beautiful anon, SO GOOD!!

“Come on now, gorgeous...” Jake’s voice is velvet syrup dripping over you. “Spread those pretty thighs for me. Open up.”

You’re pressed back against the kitchen island, legs trembling, heart thrumming a wild beat in your chest, cunt pounding and aching right along with it.

His breath is warm against your lips and you swear you can taste whiskey on it. It makes you want to lick into his mouth, tongue curling, and lapping, and savoring…not so much a kiss, but a tasting. You want to be lost in a vineyard; he, the wine.

“Jake…” you sigh, whining his name in a tone that makes you feel inexplicably ashamed.

“Baby,” he whines back, mocking you softly. “What’s wrong, kitten? Tell me.”

His hand has wedged its way against your center, but he holds it still, waiting patiently for you to rock yourself against his knuckles.

“Not here…your brothers are right out there and…”

“My brothers are too drunk to stand. We’re good, baby…we’re so good. Now, open up. Let me in.”

Your body submits to him without thought and soon his fingers are tucked inside your panties, teasing over your clit with your skirt shoved up around your waist into a wrinkled disaster.

A shaky gasp puffs out of your mouth, airy and full of need, and he immediately echoes it back to you, pitching himself higher to mimic your tone.

“Whiny little thing.” He teases, coaxing your chin up with the tip of his nose to clear the way for him to suckle at your throat.

“Jake, fuck…please…”

“Please, Jake,” he whimpers back softly. “Please what? Use all those big words you know. You’re so smart, let’s exercise that beautiful vocabulary…you know it makes my cock throb.”

“Baby…” you moan, nearly ashamed by your inability to think.

He’s rubbing faster now. Quick, slick circles that make you long to bite down onto something…anything.

“Baby…” he sing-songs back to you as, at last, he sinks his fingers inside your cunt, instantly curling into that perfect spot.

“OH…” your legs nearly give out. “Right there, Jakey…please…”

“Yeah?” He taunts like a condescending fuck, “That’s it right there? That’s the spot? That’s where you want it?”

His lips are fighting a smirk as they ghost over your mouth while you nod desperately.

“Yes, don’t stop…” your hand flies down to grip his wrist urgently trying to keep him in place as the knob of a kitchen drawer digs into the small of your back. “Gonna cum.”

“Gonna cum, she says.” A gentle laugh trots out of him, like you’re a pretty little joke.

Your body begins to squirm on its own volition, you couldn’t stop it if you tried.

That is, until he hoists you up onto the island “C’mon. Sit nice for me.”

He phrases it like a request, but you know it’s an order, and you respond accordingly, and without thought. “That’s my good girl.” He praises, a hard edge still teasing at his words.

Your legs spread wider in reply, and his fingers dip right back in as you quiver around him. “Jacob, fuck…”

“Jacob?” He raises his brow and fucks his fingers into you a little faster.

“I need it..” moans begin to tumble out of you, somersaulting and chasing after one another.

He lifts his voice - octaves climbing until he sounds soft and feminine - and repeats each one back. Parroting you in the most delectable way.

His eyes never leave your face, fingers never abandon your soaking, squeezing cunt. Not for a second. It betrays how much he’s truly enjoying unraveling you like a common whore in his kitchen with his inebriated brothers loudly talking over each other in the next room.

“You just can’t shut up, can you?” He hums into your mouth, licking at your tongue in punctuation.

“Jakey…” you don’t mean for it to sound as pitiful as it does.

“Jakey…” he whimpers right back.

“Stop.”

“Stop what?” His growls against your throat just before sucking a bruise into it while finger fucking you just a bit harder.

“Making fun of me.” You pant, thrusting against his hand.

“Stop making fun of me…” he calls back, bullying you decadently.

“Shut up…” a soft moan cuts you off.

“Shut up, uhhhh.” Now his beautiful mouth is pressed up against the shell of your ear. You know he’s merely kicking your own sounds back to you, but that little noise flitting off his tongue sets you wild.

“I hate you.” You gasp, fucking yourself against his talented hand faster.

“Liar.” He bites down on your earlobe and then sucks the pain away.

“M’so close…” you mumble, lost in the static vibration of pleasure now.

“Yeah?” He teases, verbally poking at you like a schoolyard enemy. “Are you just so close? Dirty little girl’s getting ready to cum all over my fingers even though we aren’t even really alone?”

“I told you to stop.” You’re panting and writhing just like the whore in the picture he is currently painting.

“Tell me to stop right now.” He presses, tucking his fingers in deeper as you clench and gush around him. “Since you’re so virtuous and pure. C’mon, then.”

“No.” You choke. Fuck, it just feels so perfect.

“No?” You can hear the smug grin on his lips even though your eyes are screwed shut. “Why, kitten? If you want me to stop so badly, just say so.”

You shake your head violently, but he slows his fingers anyway, just to garner a reaction.

“Jakey, please baby, please…” you’re fucking yourself on his hand as best you can, fighting to keep your euphoric release within reach.

“Please…” he calls back softly. “Such a pretty beggar.”

“I hate you.”

“You keep saying that,” he sounds delighted with your torment. “But I don’t think you do. I think you love me. I think you love this.”

Your acquiescent nod falls short as he begins to fuck his fingers into you once again. Searching and stroking and curling and fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Make me cum…” you implore, practically praying to him.

“Make you cum?” He sounds inquisitive, as if he’s surprised by your request, as if he thought this was something else entirely. “Is that what my little kitten wants? To be spoiled like the prettiest baby girl? Loved on like a princess?”

“Jake!” His name bites out through your teeth as you grind them in frustration.

“Hmm?” He purposely casts a distracted air, simply to wind you up even further.

“Stop teasing me.” Tears have begun slipping down your cheeks. “Do it right…I need…fuck, please…”

“You’re not making any sense.” His lips drag delicately over your cheek as he kisses at your tears. “Do it right…I need…poor baby has lost her sweet head.”

“That’s it,” you hiss, shoving his hand away, perhaps a bit more aggressively than you should. “I’ll do it myself.”

He shoves back at you with just as much fervor. “You absolutely will fucking not. Hands off what’s mine.”

“Then please,” you sob quietly, “Please, jakey…please please please…”

Your hands have found their way into his hair. Burying into his perpetually windswept waves. They are so soft, so tangled, so him.

“There’s my angel. Asking so nicely. Please please please. So pretty.” He kisses a sweet trail in a circle at your temple as his hand, mercifully, begins working at you again.

“Don’t stop,” it’s half a demand, half an anguished plea…you’re so close again already.

“Don’t stop?” He asks, that condescending fucking lilt out to play once more. “Why? Are you gonna cum?”

“Jake.” It’s a warning, nails digging crescent moons into his warm skin.

“Oh, she’s serious.” He laughs softly. “Baby wants to cum. Does she deserve it?”

“Yes,” fresh tears race each other down to your chin. “I’ve been so good.”

“She’s been so good,” He mocks, then hums in contemplation, perfect fingers circling up inside of you just right. “I think you’re right, kitten. You do deserve it. You go ahead, gorgeous. You can cum.”

It explodes through you like your body was awaiting his go ahead even more so than your blurry mind. His free hand is there suddenly, covering your mouth to quiet the cries you hadn’t even registered.

“Oh, there it is.” Still, he remains smug and arrogant in the sexiest way. “Pretty little kitten got her way. Shh…don’t let them hear you.”

When it fades, drifting back like a serene tide you hate to see retreat from shore, he slips his fingers into his mouth and then wipes his palm across his shirt.

“Jake!” You scold like a fucked out schoolmarm.

“Fuck it,” he grins, helping you off the counter to straighten your skirt. “Who’s gonna know? Messy girl.”

Your cheeks burn hot “Well, at least wash your hands.”

“No.” he admires his dominant hand, wiggling his skilled fingers, “No, I don’t think I will.”

Taglist: @gretasintrees @greta-van-chaos @gardenofgreta @celestialfauna @s0livagant @groggyvanfleet @kiszkathecook @brokenbellz @llightmyllovee @doodle417 @seventieswhore @jake-kiszkas-smirk @weightofdreams-gvf @imdepressedaf1996 @greta-flanveet-admin @joshkiszkas @alisonwonderland29 @gretavanfleas @gretavangroove @sparrowofthedawn @xserenax-13 @tbagggvf @obetrolncocktails @tripthelightjaketastic @jakeslovehandles @poofyloofy @70sgroupielovr @heatmyfleet @age-of-nyahh @sammiboo162 @spicedandicedtea @jakekiszkasleftnutsack @saoirsemaeve @mywickeddivinity @dvrkblooms @paintmyhouse @tripthelightfandomtastic @tripthelight-fanfic @mckenna4 @sarakay-gvf @theweightofjake @joshsmama @sammysvanfeet @rhythm-of-space @highladyofasgard @jordierama @calumspretty

[determinate-negation]

Hii. I'm not sure how to phrase this question, but how does one draw the line between the most effective way of getting people into engaging critically with art and politics (which is imo, being nice and encouraging and yes coddling a little bit people's fragile egos) and expressing your own discontent with people's lack of curiosity and desire to learn and form well funded opinions beyond base level takes, paired with an immovable conviction that anything that isn't immediately comfortable (such as your blorbo show (?) Being criticized) must be Evil.

What I mean is that as an individual you'd want to basically shake these people who shut down every discussion with the slogan Let People Enjoy Things, and rightfully call them idiots for throwing a tantrum at the grown age of 36 because someone said maybe watching something other than Steven universe would be good or whatever, but on the other hand telling people they are unintelligent for exclusively engaging with surface level ideas/ uninspired art does Not encourage anyone who does that into going beyond that comfort zone. At the same time tho it does feel like you're doing airplane sounds so the baby eats the pudding without crying. You cannot condescend anyone into critical thought but the fact that so many people are unwilling to engage in it out of laziness is making everyone's life worse. How do we get out of that point ig is my question. Sorry if that made 0 sense English isn't my first language :P hope you're having a good day/night

idk i honestly get very annoyed by watching people or interacting with people who respond to any mild critical thought with some iteration of 'let people enjoy things' and 'youre being elitist for not liking the popular thing,' and a million other things. ngl i dont think tumblr is also the greatest place for like... scholarly discourse although it can actually be quite productive for it somethings. but a lot of people genuinely dont want to look into shit. theres an attitude here (not just on tumblr but i just think in the capitalist west) of incuriosity and its difficult to say how to overcomme. for example ill post links to books and essays about a topic and have people complain that i dont specify what chapters to read. this pisses me off to no end and i end up ranting about it and probably coming off like a dick lol. thus the posts...

i also do post like essays and articles and shit that i think explains my position on this and the theoretical basis for it, and if people ask questions ill try to explain any concepts and give recommendations for stuff to read about mass culture and cultural criticism. i think this has been more productive, idk. i dont think political education and class consciousness will rise from social media though, which is where these tendencies are allowed to develop to the extreme. organization and education irl will be the most fruitful, but still i just think to show people the stuff that influenced me and how i think of it is a net positive. ty and same to you

[a-pop-of-korean]

hello i have a question about learning korean ^^

i started ( self ) studying it about two years ago but discontinued due to college and all, but now i want to pick it up again and i don't know where to start from? i know how to read and write, but i have issues reading in one go— basically i lack fluency in reading and i often stutter. is there any way to improve?

secondly, i do know some basic stuff however my vocabulary isn't vast enough. besides, i would like to understand the sentence structure, or how they write phrases and sentences since it's very different from english. i've referred to so many sites but there's always a question— do i work on vocabulary first or sentence / phrasing structure first? or do i study both of them along side?

this sounds like such a mess and it is because i'm so lost ┬┬﹏┬┬ my main goal is to understand korean shows without subtitles and i do pick up a few words and phrases here and there but there's a lot still left to learn and idk where to start from. moreover, i've noticed that the textbook korean and the one that's spoken in everyday life is way different ( this applies to almost all the languages tbh ) and i'm having a bit of a trouble trying to figure out how a native would say it?

or example, do this thing where i come up with a sentence and try to translate it just to check what it would be in korean and check in the translator to see if i'm right, and most of the time im not. whether it's about the formalities or the conjugations. basically a whole lot of issues so please if u can help ＞︿＜

Hello! If your goal is to be able to understand Korean content without subtitles, then I think self-studying grammar and vocabulary is a good idea. I know you said you already have some knowledge of Korean, so I would refer to my masterlist and start from wherever you feel appropriate. I also recommend diversifying your study material and looking at other resources on Tumblr, YouTube, and on the Internet elsewhere. There's a lot out there!

As for your second question, I think it makes more sense to study vocab and grammar at the same time. As I've said before in previous asks, I was never that disciplined with my studying, so I can't really give you concrete study techniques. I think I got where I am today by regular exposure (on top of taking Korean courses and studying abroad lol). But if you don't have those opportunities, using whatever resources on the Internet can get you far. As you get comfortable with both grammar and vocab, I recommend exposing yourself to content like webtoons in Korean and K-dramas. These will help you with your reading and listening comprehension. There are plenty of webtoons at varying levels of difficulty, and K-drama actors have clear diction that is easy to understand. Again, I don't exactly have concrete techniques for how to eventually ween yourself off of subtitles/translations (since I myself still use them), but in my experience, exposure alone is enough to at least allow me to read webtoons and watch K-dramas without relying super heavily on the translations. Consuming this content will also teach you how natural Korean is spoken by natives. I hope that makes sense!

If you're concerned about speaking, the best way to get better is to converse with others. You might not know other people who speak Korean, but you can still practice with others for free on Hilokal, where I used to teach live lessons. It's a nice, low-pressure environment that can help you get more comfortable with speaking and learn alongside other people just like you!

Also, I generally don't recommend using translators to help you learn a language, especially if you're an English speaker learning Korean. It's more useful for you to understand the meaning of the Korean itself than it is for you to get the perfect translation. Korean is especially difficult to translate into English (in my opinion), so a translator might not give you a clean, accurate, and natural translation. Unfortunately, I can't think of other ways to fact-check your sentences otherwise lol. But I think that looking at enough sample sentences will help you become better at constructing your own. And something that helped me feel more comfortable writing and speaking when I was abroad is that, even if I make minor mistakes, chances are that other people can still understand me. Maybe keeping that in mind can make the learning process a little less stressful :)

Maybe this advice isn't new for you, but I hope it was still helpful! Thanks for the question and good luck! 화이팅!

[torialefay]

you and that anon calling it a war and not what it actually is. A GENOCIDE. speaks volume about both of you. in that fancall no one yelled at him, no one asked him to do anything, out of all the time they had for a fancall they spent like three seconds to say that stays are feel inspired by skz and are raising money for palestine, if that bothers you then you're a part of the problem. chan looked fine in that fancall, especially if you compare it to the tickets fancall where he clearly looked annoyed and tried to be nice at first, but they didn't get the clue and kept pushing, so he had be straight forward. i don't know if you just poorly worded your thoughts, but it sounds bad and knowing how much actuals zionists roam happily in the fandom, those poorly worded thoughts make all of them feel even more comfortable and welcomed in the fandom

hi anon ❤️ first, i want to say that i understand that you are coming from a very good place and if you felt by my messages that it came across as pro-zionism, then i truly do appreciate you coming and leaving this note. i agree that this is the right thing to do when people are promoting terrible things. i'm assuming there's confusion in what was said, but please know that i don't have any ill-will at all & i know that you come from a place of love and doing what is right 🫶🏼

firstly, you are 100% right that it is genocide. "war" was the first word that came to mind (i be watching a lottt of news that uses both oml), but i agree that genocide is way more accurate to what is actually going on so thank you for pointing that out <3

however, i'm not really sure what fancall you're referring to. i haven't seen a fancall of anyone talking to chris about it. the only fancalls i've referenced lately are the ones about tickets and the other about about the fan who was saying "do you love me more or do i love you more?". if there's a fancall of chris talking to a stay about raising money though, that's really awesome... but baby i haven't seen it nor have i talked ab it 🥲 (p.s. someone pls send me a link pls & ty 🫶🏼) lowkey highkey i'm sure chris is really fucking proud if that's the case && hopefully he'd be supportive to the best of his abilities 🥹 but long story short, baby i have never seen this video in my life nor have i talked ab it... so if that is what you're upset about then idk what is happening bc it wasnt me 🫠

i'm most definitely not a zionist and i would doubt that the others who have spoken/responded to my comments are either (i don't know for certain, but i would assume we're all normal lol). the only thing i talked ab that has to be realllly fucking hard on chris is when some stays were trending that skz needed to speak up and included the phrase "stop hurting your fans and driving them away," mostly targeted at chan. like that shit breaks my heart for him. to know that he probably wants to talk ab it and his own fans are saying how disappointed they are in him, but there is a 100% chance that if he says anything, he is violating his contract & god knows what that would do to skz (every fucking thing is controversial these days... even if it's the right thing to do). while we should never have to compromise our morals or beliefs, unfortunately this is what happens in kpop. you sacrifice your freedom of speech, and i'm sure this is one of those things. it is a horrible, systemic issue that is deeply rooted in the industry (and needs to be overturned, but that's a whole different conversation). i think trying to push for it with actual companies is a good thing, but targeting specific members isn't the way to go about it.

anyways, that's all ❤️ i hope that cleared some things up & i already know i'm gonna have anons on both sides tryna get snippy so PLEASE no one go on a rampage 🤪 i understand where anon is coming from & i genuinely take it as wanting to make sure that we are all on the same page & can foster a good environment here on tumblr. pinky promise there are no hard feelings AT ALL on my end 🫶🏼

[halliescomut]

My Personal Weatherman Ep 7- No Subs watch

Again a reminder, this is me reacting to the new episode of MPW that I get from an internet friend-y, but unfortunately (for me) they speak Japanese, but I do not, and the link they send has no subtitles, so I have no idea what anyone is saying. In fairness...I have been watching Japanese series for about 2 decades, so I can pick up on a couple words/phrases, but mostly my goal is to observe body language to kind of guess what the story is. It's a fun, silly little game. There may be moderate spoilers about sequences, though I try to keep things vague, and of course no dialogue spoilers. Let's go!

-Oooh! An on location segment for the weather. How exciting! (ALso I swear it looks like the location is just outside of Man-san's apartment building, and that's why they had the camera framed so close in.) And Yoh still watching Mizuki so closely.

-Oh, we have ARCs...is this actually a few weeks later, or is the BL manga publishing industry able to do a two day turn around?

-Man-san sounds very encouraging, at least.

-That is a clearly depressed and defeated Segasaki. Poor guy. Has still no one explained that Man-san's husband isn't after Yoh?? Really?

-Why is Yoh always so goddamn suspicious??? My god dude.

-I will say also, I don't love Mizuki's tone here, but I think that's me relating a bit too much to Yoh (since we're both on the same side of a D/s dynamic). I know I would be really upset to hear that distance in in Mizuki's voice if I were Yoh.

-Now we're getting the flashbacks from Mizuki's POV....interesting. I can't wait to know what he was thinking when he saw Yoh. His face is so precious.

-^^Literally all I could hear in my head at this scene: "Hands touch, eyes meet/Sudden silence, sudden heat/Hearts leap in a giddy whirl"

-Segasaki's college friends feel very much like friends of convenience. Like when you become best friends with a kid when you're 7, but it's mostly because you live in the same neighborhood.

-Aww, now we have Yoh in a cozy sweater.

-It is so sub of Yoh to just hand over his sketchbook without question, completely forgetting all of the portraits of Segasaki in there...and I REALLY wanna translate what Segasaki's response was, but I will wait.

-IDK what Segasaki is saying exactly, but I'd bet real folding money that's something pretty close to 'no matter what I couldn't stop thinking about him"

-The way Yoh came and grabbed him...what's going on??

-Aww, sick baby Mizuki. So cute. And the costuming makes them a matching set with their beige and blue. That's so cute.

-I just spent the last scene going like this, so....

-But now we have THE CURRY!!! The curry that made Segasaki finish falling in love with Yoh. I don't feel like curry is supposed to be that crunchy...but I could be wrong.

-His face, I'm dying.. And the little bonk on the head. Oh, if I wasn't already head over heels for these two dinguses, this would have been the last straw for me as well.

-Mizuki's love for petting Yoh is so fucking CUTE!!!!

-Yoh's smile as he draws Segasaki- so PRECIOUS!!!! (Sorry I keep yellling.)

-Poor Mizuki's face. 🥺🥺🥺 He really thought for a minute that Yoh left again.

-Dripping wet rain kiss!! We love it!!!

-Ooh...ooh....OOH!!!! God I really wanna translate Mizuki's little speech here, but I'm pretty sure the gist was 'you're mine, and I'm not letting you get away again". 🥵☺️😁🥰

This was an excellent episode. I mean the whole series has been, but this just....so good. I can't wait to understand more than 27% of it.

Finale next week (Booo!!!😠) but I will be happy to be able to watch the complete story over and over into forever. That'll be nice. Honestly this is the first BL I've every considered getting a physical copy of it's so good.

[jellogram]

Sometimes you guys criticize people for not liking "intellectualism" or paying attention in English class or whatever and then shove those people down so hard in exactly the same way that made them dismiss academia in the first place. I'm sorry you wanted to suck off your English teacher or whatever but when you come at people with this very pretentious "Are you really so stupid that you don't understand THEMES and SYMBOLISM and how fantastically brilliant the classics are? Are you a stupid little idiot marvel-watching baby?" all it does is make you sound insufferable and turn people away even harder. Don't you remember having teachers who insisted their perspective on a novel was correct and all others were stupid? Remember how frustrating that was? Because that's what you sound like sometimes.

I'm a little drunk so forgive me if I haven't phrased this the nicest or most coherent way but I want people to be passionate about the arts and humanities and you guys are a big reason I chose not enter academia as a career. You guys have a tendency to be weird and judgemental and idk man sometimes being nice to people and meeting them where they're at is going to get you better results than acting like they're idiots because they don't like the same books as you. Grab a beer or roll a joint and chill the fuck out my man. So what if they like Wattpad books? Talk to them about the themes or context or limitations or strengths of Wattpad books. Anything can be clever if you think about it cleverly. Just do your best to stop looking down on people. There's a good chance they dismissed your entire field because people were looking down on them just like that.

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

Welcome back!!! It’s nice to see a post from you again :)

Something I’m very curious about: in your latest theory, you said “While I don’t think regret is necessary for forgiveness (I’m the “Local Amane Momose Apologist” for a reason), it is important for forgiveness that I can believe they won’t continue to do the same bad thing in the future, which is not the case with Kotoko.”

Do you believe that Amane wouldn’t kill someone again if released? If so, why?

Hey there! Nice to see you as well, I missed you all :D

Okay so the question:

CW Child abuse, cults and indoctrination, murder, psychological torment (Guilty verdict)

So, first, I want to say that the way I worded that was… not the greatest. I made it sound like there’s some sort of hard rules I go by to judge whether someone is forgivable or not, which is… obviously impossible. Forgiveness is a very subjective, inherently biased, complex thing, and trying to set any kind of guidelines for how it works is never going to go well.

With that stated, I would like to rephrase my original wording a bit to try to avoid further confusion. The new phrasing is:

“One of the more important things I take into consideration when deciding whether I can forgive someone for a bad deed or not, is whether or not I can reasonably believe they would not perform the same bad deed again without significant external pressure. Or at the very least, that they will attempt to not do it again”

(I added “without significant external pressure” because everyone is capable of doing really bad stuff out of desperation, so if I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to forgive anyone ever lol.

You’ll notice, though, “significant external pressure” is extremely vague and subjective, which is by design. What counts as “significant external pressure” in my eyes varies greatly depending on the severity of the action, the person who committed it, among other things)

Now it makes a bit more sense to apply it to Amane, who was clearly under significant external pressure both when she killed her mother, as she was being downright tortured, and when she tried to kill Es in her second VD, as she was suffering from the psychological torment of a Guilty verdict.

But that’s not really what you asked, it’s just something I wanted to clarify. You asked if I believe that Amane wouldn’t kill again if released, and quite frankly, I think it’s unlikely (though not outright impossible). Barring extremes, of course. You could argue she would kill her father if he starts doing the same things her mother did, which, fair, but I’m sorta expecting Amane to get sent off somewhere else (and hopefully way better) if she returns from Milgram. She did murder her mother, I would imagine she’s not going to be allowed to live with her father after that (maybe? idk).

The main reason why is that Amane is only shown as openly hostile when she’s under pretty extreme psychological stress. She’s usually pretty patient, even with the people who annoy her:

[Timelines 13/6/20]

Shidou: If everything about MILGRAM is true… why did a child like you have to become a murderer? Just imagining what sort of circumstances must have led to that, it makes me so sad…

Amane: *sigh*. Is that right. I don’t think I’m going to get along with you, Shidou-san. […] Please give me back my test. It seems you don’t have the concentration levels required to be my teacher. I’m going to get Kotoko-san to teach me instead.

Not to mention her first VD, where Es constantly annoys her in one way or another and Amane doesn’t react negatively until the end, where Es forcefully grabs her. Basically, Amane is pretty good at keeping a level head when things aren’t going her way, especially for her age.

And even after the Guilty verdict, she’s only hostile towards those who’ve slighted her personally. Amane wouldn’t kill someone just for breaking doctrine.

Let me use Fuuta as an example. He’s someone who very explicitly went again Amane’s doctrine, having received medical attention and thus having “ran away from God’s trials.” He also enjoys frivolous things like social media, which Amane’s cult might consider “vulgar,” breaking Gozake’s ordainment. Not to mention he’s a murderer (though it’s unclear how much Amane knows about his situation), which obviously goes against Riyone’s ordainment.

And yet, despite him breaking doctrine so blatantly, Amane still wants to help him.

(T2) Q12: What do you think of Kajiyama Fuuta?

Amane: He is lost and in pain. I should help him.

Of course she does, she wants everyone to be happy. That’s one of her main motivations as a character, it’s why she covered Positive Parade (I made a post about that)

[Magic]

I hope, I hope everyone can be happy and smile

Yes, her methods are misguided and harmful, they can cause a lot of damage if left unchecked. But ultimately, pretty much everything she does, she does it because she thinks it will make people happy, either in this life or the next.

However, generally speaking, murdering someone is seen as somewhat counterproductive to their happiness. Which means Amane isn’t very keen on it, usually. Things have to go really wrong for her to really consider it, and even then she’d only consider it if someone offends her personally.

A Guilty verdict counts as “things going really wrong,” of course, and both Shidou and Es have offended her in different situations. But even when she’s subjected to constant psychological torture, she still has some patience. Not much patience, mind you, but it’s there.

[Timelines 24/10/22]

Amane: Kirisaki Shidou. How long do you plan on continuing this foolish behaviour?

Shidou: I wonder what you might be referring to there. I’m just doing what I need to do. If anything, I’d be happy if you would lend me a hand.

Amane: I warned you. I can no longer turn a blind eye to this wickedness taking place right in front of us. You’re bringing ruin unto yourself. Do you understand?

She warns Shidou instead of attacking him outright, which isn’t great… but it’s not murder! Yet.

A similar thing happens with Es. In Of Blessedness and Punishment, Amane begins relatively calm, and doesn’t get violent until Es denies the concept that they’re talking to anyone but Amane, which she (they?) see as an insult.

[Of Blessedness and Punishment]

Amane: But we are generous. For now, let us make some time for a conversation with you. After all, our history is one that is built on dialogue.

Keep in mind, this is with the T1 Guilty.

So let me put it this way. Everyone has a certain limit of “shit they can take” before they decide to murder someone. Everyone, no exceptions. We’ve seen Amane reach that limit in her home life (perfectly understandable imo) and in Milgram. The question is: were she to be released, would Amane face anything bad enough for her to reach her limit again?

Call me an optimist, but seeing how patient she usually is, I like to believe there’s a solid chance she doesn’t. I’m not sure what Amane’s future outside of Milgram holds (provided she’s not already dead or anything like that), but as long as it’s better than the Hell Prison Guilty Verdict, I’d say there’s a solid chance she doesn’t kill anyone again. Especially since she’s still very young and could potentially become better at regulating her more murderous tendencies with age. Better than she already is anyways.

(I don’t have any way of knowing whether or not that would happen, I just see it as a reasonable assumption)

Again, I do think it’s possible she would murder again if things get pretty bad, but there’s really no way to know how bad things have to get before that happens. After all, again, anyone would murder if things get bad enough.

That’s why ultimately (and quite ironically), a lot of it comes down to how much faith you have in Amane, how much faith you have that she will get through life without murdering again. We simply have no way of knowing for sure whether or not she will. But I like to assume the best in people, especially children for obvious reasons (yes I’m pulling the child card again you can’t stop me), so for now I’m assuming she won’t kill again.

I don’t know if that was perfectly coherent, but I hope that answers the question regardless! Take care!

[cactuseri]

saw this and wanted to make my own post real quick bc i’ve gotten some questions abt my art before & now that i feel a bit more secure in my style i thought i’d give a few tips to anyone who wanted that :)

first i have to address how the submission is phrased: i'm sorry & i know no one wants to hear this but “keep practicing” is not a platitude that is always going to be the best advice 😭 the real question is:

how do you make practice fun?

1. challenge yourself in a way you find enjoyable/fulfilling :)

i liked doing things like art prompts from inktobers, and to draw comics of the stories i wrote, but mostly the answer for me was “set random number goal, meet random number goal, inject the validation from completed goal directly into my bloodstream, repeat.”

i worked on things kind of systematically, which just made my brain happy; i spent one summer when i was 14 doing nothing but drawing 10 full bodies a day, all with references of course. did the same throughout the fall with hands, then eyes, then expressions, then clothes, etc etc. it always had to be 10 diff angles and positions.

i did a repeat of this 10-drawings-of-10-angles rule throughout quarantine in 2020. failed all my online classes cuz i was drawing 6-10 hours every day and ignoring my homework but still passed the year in the end 💀 i got the idea from yumeii-art; it's been over 7 years since, so idk if i remember right, but she had given a similar rule of thumb as a response to someone's question about drawing without a reference, i think.

is this the Best path? probably not, idk. and it definitely lead to awkward phases where i was much better at drawing bodies than faces, for example — but it worked for me. i liked breaking things down like that, it felt more manageable.

the other number goal was. in 9th grade i saw this post:

and i was like. y’know what? yeah. i keep feeling bad abt my art, how about i put that feeling on pause until after i’ve filled 14 sketch book. i hope this user knows i owe all my achievements to the phrase “fill 14 sketch book” powering me through years of depression and art block.

so i did fill 14 sketch book!

i met that goal between ages 14 and 19. obv this doesnt include the doodles on my homework, on other random surfaces, or the ~150 digital artworks i’d done in that time, so maybe it was more like 16 sketch book? but that doesnt matter, i had 14 labeled & organized sketchbooks that were full, and i did feel better about my art by then. this was my anime training montage. this was 90% of my improvement. this was the best art advice i’d ever gotten.

so i guess what made art the most fun to me was numbers? which sounds lame but i guess since i’m competitive & love competing against myself the most, it just worked for me.

comparisons, with 2016 on the left and 2020 on the right:

(the new sketches are still rough and lack some detail ofc but i have terrible ADHD and always found it hard to sit down and keep working on a sketch once it was “done enough” — for some reason i dont rlly have the same impatience with digital art & have less of a problem completing pieces on my ipad now) (the point is. 14 sketch book level complete. 1000% worth it)

then my 2021-2024 improvement, when i had bought my own ipad and again spent most days drawing instead of doing my schoolwork (i.. did end up failing that first year of uni):

2. try out different mediums aimlessly!

what i mean is just go ham with some charcoal or whatever you have on hand, without the determination to Make It Good. i can’t say if this helped my actual art get better but what it did do was keep the joy of it alive & i had fun which lead to more practice & therefore improvement. color pencils weirdly were my favorite. hell, my school had us do a project with linoleum printing (is that how u spell it idk) and it gave me months’ worth of art inspo.

i also recently got a gift card for a stationery store and got some nice markers and those also gave me a ton of motivation. markers r good

3. if u do digital art, find ur fave brush; it will be ur familiar ur trusted companion ur lover in a past life

for lineart i mostly use the IGB office pack, favorite ballpoint. you’ll have to buy & download it online tho i think it was like $7? but yea it was worth it. (i did a lot of work with the gesinski ink brush in past years but i think it’s a bit too “sharp” now)

but also go crazy try them all it’s fun!

4. in my opinion it’s fine to do redraws of ur fave artist’s work now and then — as long as u keep it to urself and dont take credit for it

i’ve had ppl ask to use my art as a ref and my answer is always Not Sure Why You’d Want To Bc It’s Not All That, But Yes Of Course. as u can see most of my 2021 work was redrawing panels of the “gangsta.” manga; it didn’t even end up influencing my style much, my style was already based on all the manga shit i drew at 13, but it was the only thing i was motivated enough to draw at the time, and it was valuable practice.

art teachers still stress that the best reference is to draw from life & yeah thats true maybe but idc sometimes ur just not feeling that! so mix it up, whatever works. obviously respect it if an artist says not to reference their work and don’t only reference ur art from one artist but generally i think it’s harmless.

especially when there’s a specific thing an artist does very well that’s hard to find other examples of; personally i was fighting for my life trying to find how to best translate references of dynamic movement into art of dynamic movement. and i think the bnha mangaka does this wonderfully so i often referenced thise action panels as practice. and i think it helped loosen up my art style. (and… i was extremely ridiculously mentally ill about hawks so that…. contributed…. my fave ask to date is still the person who clocked hawks as my old fave character based purely on how i draw eyes 😭😭)

tracing is a diff conversation and my advice there is it is not actually helpful and it's. idk it feels very Against Artist Code. sometimes, and i havent done it in a couple years, but if a piece REALLY isnt working i've done the thing where u trace the general movement of a pose then go from there but i've never posted completed works where i used that method bc it felt wrong. but yeah that's a separate thing that i don't wanna go too deep into

5. another fun thing that motivated me to practice was doing speedpaints!

if you draw on procreate, it's probably set up automatically already. i don't have the storage to record everything, but when i do have it on, the knowledge that i'll have a speedpaint of the finished piece pushes me to put the last necessary touches on it. (if you'd like to see some of my speedpaints i have a few on my instagram)

some more technical advice:

1. flip your canvas flip your canvas flip your goddamn canvas i KNOW it hurts i KNOW it’s like ripping off a bandaid that’s superglued to ur skin i know but YOU HAVE TO FLIP YOUR CANVAS

(when i didn’t have an ipad i’d do this by taking a picture of the drawing on my phone and flipping the image in the photo app)

IT IS THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD AND IM NOT ASHAMED TO ADMIT I’VE RAGE QUIT SOME PIECES OVER SEEING THE CANVAS FLIPPED BUT LOOK AT THIS ART BEFORE AND AFTER I’D FLIPPED IT AND FIXED HOW WONKY IT WAS: desaturated so tht the colors dont distract so much

like it's the BEST and honestly often the ONLY way you're going to catch things that were off/out of proportion/etc. flipping your canvas gives your brain a "new eye" and it's invaluable.

2. until you have color theory figured out…. i honestly depend on adding layers and setting them to color dodge, divide, multiply, overlay, etc…. i am cheating, perhaps, but it works

3. this is how i draw front-facing noses because it's what a czech woman in an extremely bad mood taught me in a cramped overheated stuffy classroom in germany when i was 12

it was our only meeting but she changed my life. i do not know how common this method is but it's possibly the only thing i can concretely give you a tutorial for. after a few times you won't need to do step 1 anymore

anddd i think that's all the advice i have that wouldn't be a repeat of every other art advice thing you've seen. i do know it boils down to "keep practicing" but again you won't get around that, and i just hope that concretely showing what's motivated me might help motivate someone else.

as an ending note, please take this sentence that motivated me just as much as the 14 sketch book rule: (via graveweaver, author of the webtoon "i'm the grim reaper")

[trances-and-tentacles]

Hi, it's the rat girl. Wasn't letting me ask from that blog so I had to use Anon. Basically for ADHD I've found that working with the stray thoughts and lack of focus rather than working against it can prove really useful. For me if I have a 'tist/file/scene where I'm suggested to feel blank, empty, or where a lack of thoughts is focused on, it won't work as well for me. Instead, 'tists that encourage those thoughts and lack of focus can be really helpful. IDK if you're working more from files or with an actual 'tist, but when I drop people who have ADHD I tend to use phrases like "you don't need to concern yourself with any thoughts that might drift through that pretty head of yours. Your mind can drift from thought to thought, but here beneath that all I need you to do is listen to the sound of my voice." A lack of focus doesn't actually really cause problems when it comes to getting dropped I've found, since your ears and brain are still processing whatever the tist/file is saying. What does tend to cause problems, at least for me, is *thinking* that my stray thoughts are causing me to not drop enough. It usually goes something like "I'm enjoying this drop, this is nice!" > "Hmm, I'm kinda hungry, I wonder what I'll eat after this." > "Oh god I'm thinking too much and not listening" > "Fuck I'm fucking this up, aren't I? My brain won't shut off" Etc. and then that anxiety keeps me from being able to enjoy the calm droppy feelings that I was experiencing at the start. However if the tist preempts that and states that it's *okay* for my brain to wander and that my subconscious can still listen and obey, I end up having a great scene and session! Realistically because of how my brain works I'm never gonna hit that completely blank slate state that some people talk about, but I can get the same effects if I'm really deep and my brain is slowly going from one thought to the next, especially if the tist or file has already stated that this is normal and natural and shouldn't impact the quality of the drop. It is completely 100% possible for someone with even extreme levels of ADHD to drop and have really good hypnotic sessions, it just requires a little extra specific work on the part of the tist, or files that work well with ADHD. I don't want this to get too long, but I could genuinely talk about this for hours. Basically it comes down to: 1: Believing that you can drop regardless of your lack of focus or other ADHD related symptoms. Believing you *can* drop and being willing are half the battle. 2: Having a tist who will work with you and preempt anxieties you might face. 3: don't fight against your ADHD, work with it. Your brain is more active and hyperactive, so trying to shut down those thoughts is fighting against the tide. Instead try to focus more on working alongside those thoughts, or more effectively, beneath them. 4: Trying and re-trying to figure out how things work with your brain. It took me a while to learn how to drop properly, and what worked for me might not work for you. Hypnotism is deeply intimate and personal to each individual and that's what makes it so fun and special! 5: Have fun with it. Even if you don't get as deep or blank as you'd like, learning to appreciate and lean into the good feelings you *do* get will help you get to that deep state of acceptance, in a roundabout way. Idk if any of this was helpful or sensical, but I really hope you're able to get where you want to be and enjoy trance! It's such a special thing, and everyone deserves to feel safe and blank and happy. You got this!

thank you!!! The stray thought anxiety chain is EXACTLY what i experience and it's one of the main things that makes it hard for me to trance. I really crave the blankness/emptiness feeling but haven't gotten that close to it and i find that i pull myself out really easily.

I will definitely keep these in mind next time I try hypnosis with my partners, we all have ADHD and I've been under for them before once. I'll probably show this to them if that's ok :3

anyways, this is really reassuring and i can't wait to get back into hypno more, as I'm gonna have more free time soon

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hi, if you have any idea how to help, that's great, but if I can just talk about it, that's sufficient.

I don't hear my (what I believe are) headmates anymore since my therapy started getting serious. It is trauma therapy, but I am yet unsure if I should tell my therapist about them because she already said that she is not trained to help patients with DID.

It might sound weird but I didn't have a bad relationship with my headmates. Many people see DID as such a negative thing, but it never was for me. But I heard them not being happy (that's a nice way to phrase it) about therapy and about me talking. Tbh, it was really hard opening up to my therapist, while my head literally screamed at me to shut up and that I was in danger.

But yeah, for about 2 months or so, I didn't hear a word, and I don't feel anybody. There have always been phases with more or less contact, but 2 months is really long. Idk what to do. Should I like try to get in contact with my headmates again? Accept that that's just how it is for now? Should I even tell my therapist if I can't even swear right now that I even have headmates? I am afraid she will send me to another therapist, because the waiting lists are years long and I have a heard time trusting someone and she just sent me the right vibes but idk if another therapist would too.

Idk what to do and I feel like I failed my headmates, if that makes sense. I tried to reason and to reassure them, after each therapy session, but idk it feels as if they are so angry at me, that they just went away..

What do you think is the right thing to do?

Hey anon,

Thanks for reaching out.

It is more or less normal for dissociative barriers to increase when trauma therapy begins, especially if you have been feeling stressed, anxious, confused, angry, etc. about doing it (on a collective level).

I would suggest you stop ignoring them when they feel angry or upset or scared about sharing it. There is a reason they feel that way, and the less you seem to care about them trying to help you, the harder those barriers will become to work through.

I suggest trying to restore communication. Leave little notes, buy a journal, talk there about how you are feeling, and invite them to be open and honest with you. Don't push them away. Be someone they can trust, someone they can talk to. By your language, I assume you are the longer-term childhood host, in which case, you as an alter are who they tried to let handle daily life, who they held the trauma and the pain for so that you could function with the body, so that you could keep living. They must be terrified in having you know the trauma, and share it, and really dive into it, and are likely even more so scared because now the barriers are so high they cannot help you very well.

In regards to your therapist knowing, that is for you to decide. Trauma therapy can be incredibly beneficial, with or without knowledge of the system, but only if you are willing to put in effort to be more communicative with your system outside of therapy. Therapy, especially trauma therapy, needs to be a collective healing experience for it to work significantly well. It can absolutely be beneficial for you if done alone, but the rest of your system holds a lot of that pain, and without their involvement, they will not heal alongside you. If you are that afraid of losing therapy, I understand, but also know that having a therapist who is aware can go so far, even if they don't have any experience with DID patients. It is a road that you can walk together.

Have a good day, and I wish you the best of luck.

~Mod Night

[lycankeyy]

BF now yayy

Favorite thing: His silly. His whimsy. His absolute fucking stupid. Big fan of it. I want to put him into a meat grinder (affectionate)

Least favorite thing: I don't really think there's anything to dislike about his canon appearances so far other than idk I don't really like how his voice sounds in the Monster tracks LMAO

Favorite line: I like when he go "ah-ha" in spookez I think idk I can't listen to music rn. You know what I'm talking about right. The skid and pump song. YeahBDKAHSJ

brOTP: already went into bf and darnell so here's one I rarely talk about: bf and nene. I can't see them Together Romantically (power to those who do) but like is mentioned in my latest fic I think it's nice for Nene to have a relatively low-stakes friendship and also BF is so unaffected by everything that I can't see her . Eccentricity. Bothering him very much BDJQHD

OTP: rgbbbbb babyyyy though I like BFGF the most out of the dynamics there actually. Which is maybe surprising. Fun fact I love them So much that I can't. Listen to Silly Billy. Like I can't it literally makes me Too Upset to think about a reality where they're separated something is wrong with meHDJSJSJ

nOTP: x senpai I just don't get it sorry LMFAO no hate if you do

Random headcanon: oh god I feel like I've dropped so many of these already. Looks at my doc. He has a Massive collection of video games but he's the type of guy to get like 10 hours into a game go Whoo That Was a Good Game stop playing it for three years and then restarting it with the intent to beat it this time and then he gets 10 hours in and the cycle repeats

Unpopular opinion: I don't know how to phrase this in a way that makes it sound like I don't like bf angst because I do. I love bf angst I love it when people have angsty bf interps. But I do wish there were more interps that played around with the fact that we have no reason to believe that his confidence isn't 100% genuine like I think he's Genuinely that sure of his skills and I want more content about that LMAO

Song: another one where I've posted a few so here's a new one hot off the funkycule playlist:

Favorite pic: maybe a weird choice but I just love how his dialogue is depicted here. I think this panel is what single-handedly convinced me to make fc!BF completely non-speaking

[thevirgodoll]

Hi Virgodoll! I gave a presentation today at work that I think I bombed it. Also, I noticed in the shoutout chart that no one gave me one, so I asked leadership if I could give myself a shoutout. They said yes, so I publicly gave myself one. It felt good to acknowledge myself when no one did.

No matter how much I practice, I just can’t seem to give presentations the way I see most professionals do. I end up smiling and kind making weird funny faces. It could come off as unserious, but I’m actually doing that to reduce my anxiety.

I’m a very articulate person, but I lose my train of thought and can’t seem to express myself when giving presentations via zoom. I mix up words, phrases, tenses, etc. it’s strange cause I’m a damn good writer! It also sucks cause I’m a Black woman and I don’t want people thinking idk what I’m talking about. I do good work, but struggle with presenting it via zoom.

I asked leadership what they thought of my presentation. They said I did very well. For some reason I feel like they are just being nice. I always feel like I’m talking gibberish whenever I’m giving presentations.

I worry about how I’m perceived at work and how everyone thinks I’m dumb and can’t speak properly. Arghhh!

Any words of encouragement, constructive criticism, and advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

I agree, it's good to acknowledge yourself and give yourself your flowers when no one else does. Believe me, it will happen more often than you think in the academic and corporate world.

However, I think you are falling victim to upwards comparison. What good is it to look at other people at work speak when they aren't you? They're probably boring, to be honest. While you can manage your facial expressions by doing speeches in the mirror, who told you the way you exist is wrong?

When it comes to speeches and talking to people, I just treat it like a conversation and let one thought carry me to where I need to go. I appeal to the audience I am talking to and adjust based on small pieces of information I gathered from them during a lunch break or the original interview. If you focus more on the fact that they're regular people and YOU are the star of the moment, it's easier to focus. That sounds delusional, but let it be.

It's easy to say "stop worrying how others perceive you" and I think that's a load of BS to serve that to y'all. We always worry about how we are perceived. I say focus on that anxiety and worry. Ask yourself what they could possibly be noticing. Why? Because then you can hold yourself accountable and realize that such scrutiny is coming from yourself. You are building a narrative that only exists if you plant the seed and bear fruit (***with the exception of a hostile work environment. If this environment is not hostile, and I am assuming it is fine prayerfully...);

If they say you're doing fine, affirm yourself. If they say they didn't like it, still affirm yourself and know that you're already doing well by having the guts to even go up there in the first place. Some people can't even get through a basic conversation.

Why can't you accept you did well? Perfectionism? Upbringing? Have you journaled lately? All of the picking yourself apart that you just did would be best written down in a diary so you can see how hard you are on yourself.

Regarding compliments, it's tough in the professional world, especially if you are of color. Sometimes, people don't give props because they feel like your confidence emits so loud and bright that you already know you're doing well.

Just continue asking for feedback, but also, practice your speeches and fall in love with yourself. Look at yourself and ask yourself why you hate the quirks that make you you. The idiosyncrasies you possess is actually the foundation for a memorable moment and makes people want to listen to you more. That's what makes a connection, an authentic impression, and a lasting memory... not robotic AI. Trust me - I am a Virgo lol.