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#work within your means within your own life
steor-ra · 2 days
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Bring back the dead
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Y!batfam x neglected!Gn
(I do not own any characters named mentioned! )
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Being a Wayne had disadvantages, especially as the forgotten child of your father. You aren't supposed to be born, your mother isn't supposed to conceive, and you're not supposed to be linked to Bruce Wayne.
Yet here you are
You may not exist to your father, brothers, or sisters, relying solely on the butler for emotional support that your family has never provided since the day you arrived at the house. However, you do exist in the eyes of the media, scandalized by the fact that your mother was a whore who was snatched away by the drug she had consumed since the day you were born; your mother did not want you.
Growing up, you kept that information buried deep within you, along with the notion that your father never wanted you. No one in the family does. No matter what you do, how you do it, or where you do it, they will never bat an eye at you. Get it? Because they're a bat vigilante, so it's ironic that they will never be the bat hero that they are to you, and instead be the devils who made you occasionally ponder if you were born simply to be a ghost to someone who made you.
Haha
And now you live with the fact that your family will never come to you; they don't have the reason now that you're all independent and working for yourself with Alfred's long-term support. You don't expect them to come and help you, not even in costume.
Being a Wayne means dealing with villains who know Batman's secret identity and use it to kidnap his most vulnerable child and threaten the bat, or criminals who use you for ransom for a large sum of money, but you already knew how to handle it from all those years, and you already knew how to handle these situations because of all the years they occurred, and you've always managed to escape them without the help of your vigilante brothers and sisters.
It stings to know that there is no chance that your siblings will genuinely spend a moment of your time rather than brushing you off with a sheepish apology and a pat on the back using the same old justifications. They're busy.
Adding some promises that will always be broken again and again and again Until there's no hope for you to tug on.
As for your father, Bruce. He is too busy with two of his lives to even acknowledge you. Despite being the greatest detective of all, he never appears to recognize you among your siblings. Always rejecting you without even looking at you, too preoccupied with continuing to read his important papers to notice how his own child is rapidly dissapearing from his life.
Dick Grayson, your brother who has the potential to notice you but never does. You understand that his duties are in Bludhaven, and that he only visits the manor for whatever purpose, and you hate that one of them was because of Damian. Bonding with his newly added sibling and assisting the child in adjusting to his new surroundings. Doing all the things that he never did with you when you were a small child, hell, even younger than Damian, when you were first brought to the manor. Dick, the guy who adores his family but never looks twice at you.
Tim, just like bruce, that guy is always tired because he never leaves his duties as a vigilante, is too busy to care for Bruce's neglected child, and would rather uncover some unsolved cases than acknowledge the person who can heal him and the family dysfunction, but you don't hate him for his negligence. Aside from being the red Robin, you don't know much about him, and he's more of a stranger to you than an acquaintance. Isn't this sad? That is why he will not come to mind when you eventually decide to leave the manor without looking back; in fact, none of them will.
While Jason Todd have the chance to be forgiven by you because, out of all your "siblings," he has more fond memories with you than any of them, despite the fact that he rarely visits the manor. However, he is more of an acquaintance than a personal friend to you. But at least you know him better than Tim. Jason is the most difficult and easiest to grasp, so you'll feel more at ease with him should they decide to take notice of you and kidnap you back to the mansion.
Finally, Damian, the demon sent by the cosmos to make your life miserable, is not ignoring you like your other brothers; he is there solely to mock you until you die. Always harassing and degrading you in the manor's hallways, calling you names and talking about how you are undeserving of walking through this house because you are just an accident caused by a whore and his father, calling you weak because you can't defend yourself against someone younger than you and instead choose to ignore him and run away. You've never loathed someone so much that you'd die to be rid of them; you despise Damian Wayne, your own blood brother.
You tried to be the best siblings for him, fantasizing about how you two would bond, spending sleepless nights planning how you'd take advantage of your chance to finally have siblings in the manor despite having so many, only to be heartbroken by his heartless rejection of your offer.
And of course there's Barbara, Stephanie, duke and Cassandra but you never really got the chance to get to know them that much since you've already left the manor for good.
Leaving no trace of your existence.
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Living alone in Gotham is difficult; there are too many risks everywhere you go, especially as a Wayne, and even if you've tried to distance yourself from any ties to being a Wayne, you can't simply make the media forget about the infamous but forgotten accidental child of playboy billionaire Bruce Wayne. Only Batman, your father, can, but he won't since he doesn't care; you don't need his help anyhow. You already learned how to protect yourself against the crooks of Gotham ever since you realized that no matter what happened, Batman wouldn't save you from it, therefore that's why you always carry a knife with you, and with the help of material art, you learnt not too long ago.
You're not that confident walking through the streets of Gotham though. There's many people who could recognize you for being Bruce Wayne's child, so they'll swarm on you, asking multiple questions. 
'Why are you walking all alone?'
'Where is your father? '
'Is it true that you're the biological child of bruce Wayne'
'Where is your mother now? Is she still roaming on the underground and whoring herself out?'
They'll laugh that your face and will continue to ask multiple questions that your teenage mind couldn't even comprehend as you've always thought the same thing
There's also some time where you've been kidnapped for ransom, only there when bruce declines their call on your phone multiple times that they'll realize that you're not worth it, so, they'll let you go as you question your worth.
But you're strong. You don't need bruce to save your ass like how he does to your siblings despite them being professional on fighting unlike you.
Oh, god. why are you so selfish? They fight villain's who could actually kill you meanwhile you're just handling some thugs that could be knocked out with their single punch. Stop complaining.
Would they like me better if I was kidnapped by someone more villainous like the joker or Scarecrow? Would they actually care if I die right now?
they wont wouldn't they?
You've been held captive in a warehouse in the middle of nowhere for an amount of $2 million. Your limbs are currently tightly roped together, with no way to release them. You tried two hours ago, but it is still not moving. You can only beg the gods to allow Bruce to answer the call they've been trying to send him, but it's always been denied.
You can't help but let out another sob as you hear the call being sent to voicemail instead.
The kidnapper lets out a frustrated sound when the phone is declined again, "Alright! If this motherfucker doesn't answer one more time, I am going to torture you alright, sweetie?" It smirks and rolls in a tray of equipment, which you think is the torture instruments, sending shivers down your spine as the silver's shone upon your eyes.
"If your big ol daddy don't pick up this call, you're dead."
Dad, please... i don't want to die...
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The manor felt more lonely than it ever was. The hallways felt like a never-ending tunnel, and the silence felt so uncomfortable for all of them that they couldn't help but squirm slightly in their seats.
Dick felt like something is missing...He doesn't feel that nagging feeling about talking to you for months now...
Oh yeah.
You, when was the last time he checked on you? Why can't he remember your voice or...or...The way you look?
Fuck, it's been a year since he checked on you huh?
So he checked each door one by one; the more he checked, the more guilty he felt for not knowing where your room was, and suddenly, it struck him... All of these rooms look the same; don't you decorate yours or even mark it as yours!?
He panicked. Do you even live in the manor? Where is your room, you didn't mention anything about leaving—ah!
He could just ask Alfred! Yeah, and he'll lead him to your room where he'd greet you and ask how your day was...
What exactly are you doing right now? He's ashamed to admit it, but he couldn't recall any occasions when you two would hang out; did he ever try to approach you? I do not think so. He'll make sure that will change as soon as he Sees you, whether you like it or not. right now, he needs to make up for all of his negligent behavior over the years. In fact, he'll remind Bruce and the rest of his siblings of your existence so that nothing will bother him anymore.
"Alfred!" Dick's lone hope of finding you stood out in all its grandeur, with a somber expression on the butler's face. Maybe Alfred knows where you are? He is the only individual who has ever been close to anyone joined to the Batfamily, so perhaps he does.
"Yes master dick? I assume you stand of need for something?"
"Um yeah– Alfred," he stammered. "Do you know where...y/n's room is?" The way your name sounds foreign on his tongue makes him want to rip it out.
"Young Master has left the manor a year ago, Master Dick. I've completely forgotten where their room is, considering it's the same as the rest of the guests rooms"
A year ago? he checked on you a year ago did he not? Why didn't he notice anything...that day.
Oh god, his baby sibling wouldn't survive outside of gotham. What makes you think that you can handle the harsh wind of gotham, You can't!
Shit he has to take you back, He has to take his baby sibling back. you'll die if you last outside longer. He have to find you, but how!?
He–he doesn't have your number nor know anything about you at all!
"Alright, thanks, Alfred," he murmured dejectedly, winning Alfred's sympathy. Who reconsidered something that you'll mostly get deranged at.
"Perhaps if you'd like, I can give you some video documentaries about them so you can find them."
Deeply apologies, young master, but your absence is making me worry all day.
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(Next chapter)
A/n: just a random thought at a random night lol, will probably be a series, sorry if I ever mischaracterizes anyone here, I just stick to the way many people views them like ಥ_ಥ english is not my first language so I apologize for any grammatical error as I just rely for translation of some of my languages there. Also! This is heavily inspired by @acid-ixx with his again & again series, @gotham-daydreams 's work, @i-cant-sing's work, and @klemen-tine's work make sure to check those out! OR ELSE!
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samandcolbyownme · 20 hours
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I got the itch to write dealer!Sam, so that’s what I’m doing. I hope you enjoy!
Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language, mentions of weed, flirting, kissing, rough actions, hair pulling, choking, biting, scratching, oral (f rec), unprotected sex, creampie, filth
Word Count: 2.3k | unedited
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You have a small smile to the man who helped you out of the car, “Thank you.”
He nods, “Not a problem, Miss y/l/n. Enjoy the party.”
You smile and walk up to the door, mumbling to yourself, “I definitely won’t.” You take a deep breath, sighing as you walk through the doors.
This hotel was absolutely breathtaking.
Crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, sculptures incorporated into the ceiling works, it was like you walked out of real life and entered something of the fairytale sorts.
“Champagne, Miss?”
You look up at the guy holding the tray of glasses holding bubbly, and you groan, “Yes, please. Yes.” You take the glass off of the tray and down it within seconds, “Hold on.”
You place the empty glass on the tray and the water raises his brows as you down the second glass, “Do you want the third one or should I just walk away?”
He laughs as you look at him and you smile, laughing softly, “I’ll take the third, please.”
“It’s yours.” He smiles and gives you a nod, “Enjoy your night.” He walks away and you bring the glass up to your lips, sipping it as you move to walk around.
“I thought big parties weren’t your thing?”
You turn around to your friend, Alisha, “They’re not, but you know I can’t turn down an open bar.” You joke, bringing the glass up to your lips.
“You mean, you can’t say no to Sam.” She smirks and shakes her head, “I know you, y/n. You can’t lie to me.”
“Okay.” You roll your eyes, “You got me on that one, but we just friends, you know. He deals me weed and we keep it at that. Easy peasy, lemon squeezey.”
“You’d let him squeeze your lemon if he asked.” She laughs into her glass and you push her, “Oh my god, shut your mouth.”
You take a sip of your drink, “But yes.”
You both laugh and you look around, “Speaking of. I gotta find him. I need to place an order.”
“You’re out already? Didn’t you just see him two days ago?” She raises her brows and you shake your head, “No, no. I want..” you move in, “I want to see if he has anything right now. I’m anxious as fuck being around all of these rich people.”
“Y/n.” She pauses, “You’re a part of these rich people.”
“What? Just because I’m good friends with the son of the people who own this place?”
She nods, “Yeah. Kinda.”
You shake your head, perking up when you see Sam making his way down the steps, “Oh. There he is.” You chug your drink and hand it to Alisha, “Take care of this for me?”
She scoffs at your empty glass in her hand, but takes it anyway, “Just tell him you love him already.”
“Not gonna happen.” You glance back at her as you walk away and smirk, turning to make your way through the crowd.
Sam looks around, doing a double take when he sees you. He smiles and lifts his hand to wave, looking back at the man he’s talking to, “Hey, I’ll find you later.”
You smirk, tilting your head as he walks up to you, “I thought you weren’t coming?”
You shrug, “Changed my mind, I guess.”
He smiles, “Can I get you a drink?”
“Oh, I’ve already had three.” You laugh and he raises his brows, “Already? Didn’t you just get here?”
You laugh, “You know crowded places like this make me anxious.” You look around and back at him as he tilts his head, “Uh huh.”
You step closer, “You um, wanna disappear for a little bit?”
“Y/n y/l/n. Are you trying to avoid this party?” Sam fights back a smirk and you sigh, groaning as you tilt your head back, “Sam.”
“Ask nicely and maybe I’ll consider it.” He smirks and you fight back a smile, “I did ask nicely.”
“Did you?” He squints and tilts his head and you laugh, “Sam. Please.”
“Oh beggin’ me now, huh?” He leans in, “I kinda like that.”
Your heart feels like it’s about to beat out of your chest.
“Do you?” You ask, rolling with the punches, “Cause, I can do a lot more if you help me out.” You look up at him, tilting your head as you bat your lashes.
“If I give this to you, what do I get in return, hmm?”
You could tell he was joking, but you shake your head, letting out a sigh as you speak nothing but the truth, “Maybe you’ll get the confession of being so in love with you that it hurts, or you’ll get me on my knees, your pick.”
His brows flick up and he takes a shaky breath, “I was thinking more along the lines of you won’t leave this party early but goddamn, y/n.” He wraps his arm around your waist, “I’m good with getting both of those options.” He nods, “C’mon.”
You bite your lip as you walk with him, your hand gripping his jacket as he leads you towards the elevator.
“Sam.” A voice calls out, “Where are you going?”
He turns, you still attached to his hips, “Upstairs.”
The man glances at you and he sighs, “You have the toast to make here soon.”
Sam looks at the elevator as the doors open, “Just stall. I’ll be back soon.” He nudges you towards the elevator and walks in behind you.
The doors aren’t even closed yet and your leg is already brought up next to his hip, his hand holding your thigh as his lips attack yours, “So..” he says in between kisses, “You love me, huh?”
“Yeah, I do.” You smile, tilting your head back as he kisses down your neck, “And I promise, it’s not just because you’re my dealer.”
“Oh good.” Sam leans back, brushing hair from your face, “I was hoping it was my charming personality that caught your attention.”
You laugh, “Yeah, that’s one of the reasons.” You pull him back in, moaning lowly as he bites down on your lower lip.
The doors open and he pulls you forward as he walks backwards off of the elevator. He spins, your hand in his as he leads you down the corridor.
“Where are we going?” You ask as you glance over at him.
He looks over at you as he pulls a keycard from his pants pocket, “My penthouse suite.” He smirks, “That a problem?”
You shake your head as he pushes the door open, “Nothing about any of this is a problem.”
You walk in and Sam is right behind you, his hand grabbing yours as he pushes the door closed with the other, “Where are you rushing off to? Thought you wanted something first?”
“Rearranging things is never a problem.” You pull him towards you, your hands sliding up to push his jacket off of his shoulders as he leans in to kiss you.
He pushes his jacket off before his hands find your hips, squeezing as he walks you back into the wall. His hand slides down, pulling the slit of your dress up further, “God, you are so beautiful.”
You smile against his lips, “I came here tonight just for you.”
“I figured.” He chuckles and steps back, “Come on.” He leads you into his room and you raise your brows, “Wow. All of this and just you?”
He wraps his arms around you and sighs, “Yeah, well that’s what happens when the person you like doesn’t say anything to you until now.”
You roll your eyes with a smirk, “My apologies Mr. Golbach.”
“Mhm.” He smiles and reaches up with one hand to cup your cheek before planting a kiss on your lips, “How about you get that dress off now.”
You feel the zipper on the back slide down, revealing your back and you gasp quietly before it drops down to the floor, pooling at your feet.
He walks you back to the bed, his lips trailing up and down your neck before your legs hit the edge, causing you to sit down.
He drops down to his knees, reaching up to pull your panties down your legs. He tosses them down before pushing your knees apart. You lean back onto your elbows, watching as he lifts your one leg over his shoulder.
He dips his head down, his tongue trailing up your slit and you gasp out, your body shifting as you move your arm to lay a hand on his head, “S-Sam!”
He groans against you as his tongue pushes in.
“F-fuck, fuck.” Your head tilts back, moans leaving your lips as Sam move his tongue to your clit. You watch down at him, his eyes on you as your face scrunches with pleasure, “Sam.. Sam..” you pant, “P-please.”
He pulls away, undoing his shirt as quickly as he can before undoing his belt and dropping his dress pants.
You bite your lip as your eyes fixate on the cock online in his boxers, the walls of your pussy clenching around nothing.
You continue to watch as his boxers leave his body and he starts to crawl up the bed as you move up, lying back as his body hovers over yours.
Your hands slide up his arms, legs spreading further apart as you feel the tip of his cock bump against your folds.
He pushes his hips forward, groaning lowly as his cock enters inside.
You tilt your head back more, the nails on your fingers digging into the skin of his shoulders as you let out loud moan after moan.
“Fuck, baby. You feel so fucking good.” Sam moans lowly into your neck, kissing and nipping at the skin, “So fucking good.”
Your arms tighten around his neck as you tilt your head up to smash your lips against his.
He swallows your moans with ease, groaning as his thrusts pick up, “Feel good, baby?”
“Yes!” You moan loudly, gasping as you squeeze his cock, “Fuck, yes, yes. So good!”
He slides his hand up, laying it around your throat as he moans into your ear, “takin’ me so well, sweetheart.”
He leans up, hand still on your throat, “Fuck.” He groans as he looks down, watching his cock slip in and out of you, “So fucking hot.”
His eyes move back to your face, head tilting as he watches your eyes roll back with the harder he squeezes.
He bites down onto his lip, tilting his head back before letting go. His lips on hours muffled his groan and you wrap your legs tight around his waist, whining out, “So.. fuuuck, I’m right there, baby.”
Sam sucks a hickey onto your neck, groaning against you as he feels your walls spasm around him. Your limbs holding him tight as your back lifts up off the bed and your moans glide through the room.
“That’s it, baby. Fuck, good girl.”
Your breath hitches and your head snaps back to look at him. He smirks, “Ya like that or something?”
“Coming from you?” You smirk, gasping as his thrusts deeper, “Y-Yes.. a lot.”
He bites down on his lip, leaning down to whisper in your ear, “I can give you a lot more if you let me.” He kisses up your jaw and to your lips, swallowing your moans as his thrusts resume.
You tangle your fingers in his hair, moaning out as his grip on your outer thigh grows tighter, “Fuck, fuck, don’t stop! Don’t stop!”
“Goddamn.” Sam groans as he buries his face into your neck, moaning as his cock twitches inside of you. His thrusts slow down, slowly pushing his cum deeper into you.
He presses a few kisses to your neck, moving to your lips before rolling off of you, “So, how about that J now?”
You roll over, “Oh fuck, I forgot all about that.”
“That’s what you wanted first, wasn’t it?” Sam chuckles as he presses a kiss to your forward before getting up.
“I mean, it was, but like I said, I’m not worried about rearranging.” You smirk and sit up, moving to grab your panties and slip them on.
You walk over and watch as he brings the joint to his lips, “Here.” He breathes out, “I’m gonna get redressed.”
You groan before taking a drag, turning to watch him grab his clothes. You exhale the smoke, “We still have to do that?”
He laughs, nodding his head as he slips on his boxers and pants, “Yes, babe. We do. Well, I do. If you want to hang out-“
“No.” You shake your head, “I’m good to go.” You take another hit and smile as you walk over to him. You blow out the smoke, “As long as I’m with you down there, I’ll be good.”
“You can be wherever with me.” He smiles as he takes the joint from your fingers. You smile and watch as he takes a hit before giving it back, “You know..” he blows out the smoke, “You’ll have to pay for this later.”
You bite your lip, “Yeah?” You tilt your head, taking a drag, “What do you want?” You hold it for a few more seconds and exhale as he chuckles, “I’ll leave that up to you.”
He flicks his brows up and pecks your cheek, “Get dressed.”
You hand him back the joint and walk over to grab your dress, “You’ll be paying for this later.” You tease as you slip your dress up your body.
Sam walks over, “Yeah, what do you want?”
You smirk, glancing over your shoulder, “I’ll leave that up to you.”
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Wow okay, idk how I feel about this, I like the ending but idkkkkk let me know. I love you all so much for reading my stuff. You mean the world to me! I’ll catch you in the next one! 🖤
Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated!
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fanaticsnail · 13 hours
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hi sis can you write me a sanji fic pleaseeeeeee
One hurt/comfort Sanji fic here for you, Smol-Snail.
Limits
Masterlist Here
Word Count: 2,500+
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Synopsis: Baratie has been overbooked, and the tension in the kitchen has been overwhelming. Being a hard-working kitchen hand, you have been covering far too many shifts. Sensing the overwhelm, your coworker attempts to aid you through your emotions.
Themes: Sanji x gn!reader, hurt/comfort, kitchen slang, eating food, minor swearing, fluff, angst, domesticity, hidden feelings, almost kisses, playful banter, nicknames.
Notes: Spoiling my sister usually includes Mihawk or Garp, but I am absolutely loving the change. Thanks for the ask, sis! Hope you like it. Also, gosh it's good to be back in Baratie again.
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The crackle of water hitting a pan of hot oil popped and simmered, a string of curses and yells following the large rukkus. Voices overlapping, music blaring, orders expediting, and the clangs of silverware shuddering with ceramics in water continued to mute their tones in the air surrounding the lively kitchen of Baratie.
It had been a mean shift tonight. The restaurant was overbooked, over packed, and overwhelmed. Guests on the waiting list were made to wait longer than they had anticipated, adding to tempers flaring and temperaments turning foul on all sides. The front of house were begging with the back of house, the back of house pleading with the front of house. Chef Zeff had even jumped on the line, cooking alongside the lot of you to fight against the rush. The thump of his peg leg hitting the linoleum swelled within the serenade of the lively kitchen, the chorus finally rising without any indication of an interlude.
“Carne, 'hot behind', damn it!” Zeff growled angrily while standing to full stature. Carne was holding a tray of simmering desserts at chest height behind him while shifting from one surface to the other. “Communicate, kitchen. Ya’ hear?”
“Oui chef!” The kitchen all repeated the phrase like a prayer on their tongues to their hierarchical clergyman.
“Ca Marche-!”
“Sharps-!”
“Plate up-!”
“Push-!”
“To the pass-!”
“Through-!”
Sanji stalked through the rows up until the pass, pacing two and fro while jumping in to aid all those that needed support. Garnishing mains, whipping cream for desserts, assorting steel bowls of oils and accompaniments to coincide with breads and greens: Sanji did it all. Each time he stepped in to aid in the dance of the kitchen, his eyes fell to your frame to mentally check in.
Eyes down, shoulders hunched, rubber gloves thrust up to your elbows, you ensured the kitchen remained functional with the fluctuation of crockery, cutlery and dishes for truly impeccable service. The kitchen-hand, or 'Dish Pig', was the backbone to a functional restaurant, the mental wellbeing of the house truly on the shoulders of that individual.
How could a chef create masterpieces without a canvas? How could guests in the dining hall consume their delectable arrangements without the means to raise each bite to their lips? The kitchen-hand ensured all was possible, and the chefs barely paid you any heed while you slaved away to grant them relief in their supplies.
You attempted to hone in on your craft, using your fingernails beneath the rubber gloves to chip at caramelized and caked scorches on iron pots like a scourer. Breaths heavy and labored, you shifted everything from your focus asside from one thing and one thing only:
Keep the kitchen clean.
Bubbles and suds consumed your senses, your hair sticking to your forehead in heavy clumps of sweat and soap. Your nostrils flared with the burn of eucalyptus, lemon and menthol. Working a fortnight of splits and doubles to cover for your colleagues had finally taken its toll on you, and stressors in your personal life added to the tension in your bones. The loss on your own mentality began to slip into a panic as another wave of silverware made their way to your arm side.
The mention of, “‘Ere ye’ go, dish pig. Clean up,” barely phased you, regardless to the usual playful temperament you displayed. You didn't even crack the smile you usually had on your face, your permanent exhaustion falling in the emotionless and dead-stare you displayed down at the dish rack.
The kitchen has began to pack down. Each element was extinguished, and stock was taken alongside a final tally. The chefs had removed their aprons, cravats and hats and began making their way towards the bar for their knockoffs. Your own drink would have to wait, the pile never reducing no matter how hard you had worked.
For each plate you cleared and cleaned, four more would somehow find their way to your hands. Each pot would have a lid to match, each pan would have an array of spatula, tongs, and forks to pair with. The chefs used the tools of their artistry with reckless abandon, and it was now you who was paying the price for their carelessness.
“A'ight, beers? That what we're drinkin'?” Patty clapped his hands and rubbed them enthusiastically together. Carne barked out a long string of laughter, allowing himself to succumb to the relief that came from a grueling shift while he clapped his hand over Patty’s bicep.
“I'm keen on one of them steins we just got in,” he admitted, squeezing lightly before looking to Zeff, “Is that on the menu for knock offs, chef?”
“Only is if you save two for me, you prick,” Zeff stated affectionately, “Give us a pale or an amber, I'll be in my office takin’ a damn breath. What about you, little eggplant? What are you drinkin’ tonight?”
Sanji hadn't spoken a word since he hung up his apron. He had been keeping an eye on you throughout your shift, feeling the tension waft in your aura the longer you silently chipped away at your monotonous task.
“I'm gonna have a cigarette,” he nodded to the head chef without moving his eyes away from you. “Then I think I'll sample that new amaretto rum you got in.” Sanji moved to Zeff’s side, casually glancing back at you while lowering his tone to the head chef, “But first, I'm gonna stay here a while. Leave inventory to me, and I'll take care of it, old man.”
Zeff noticed the drop in Sanji’s usual cadence and finally took notice to the quiver in your shoulders. With a curt nod, Zeff turned to both Patty and Carne and spoke to them with a simple scowl that meant: ‘Get out of the kitchen, now’. The two chefs quickly looked between Zeff and Sanji, then to the source of the noise continuing to fall from the underappreciated corner of the kitchen. With a nod of their own, they silently excused themselves from the kitchen with Zeff trailing behind them.
Where Sanji would've placed an unlit cigarette between his teeth and stalked out behind them, he would never do that without you. Both of you were similar in ages, and the rapport and camaraderie had always been a highlight to his kitchen shifts. The two of you were more than coworkers, more than simple friends, and you both lived and breathed Baratie in your own ways. You both loved that place, thrived on the chaotic energy working the line, and adored spending time in the dark before the next shift would begin.
The only difference between you is Sanji had been working his usual shifts, and you had been overworked far beyond your natural capacity lately. You were running low on mental energy, and you were taking it out on the dishes you were cleaning.
Wiping, scrubbing, clawing, patting, drying, prying, stacking, and placing away in their delegated areas: you had not spoken a word for the whole shift. Nothing more than a soft, shaky breath expelling from an otherwise vacant expression, nobody would know if anything was occurring within the battle of your mind.
But Sanji did.
Unhooking his apron and rolling up the sleeves of his uniform jacket, he placed it over his neck and slowly moved over to work silently in an unoccupied station. Several containers of various raw ingredients were hastily removed from their spots. Pots, water, flours, sugars, utensils and plates were all set up by his skilled hands: making something of your youth that he knew would bring you comfort.
Rolling glutinous rice flour into small balls with regular flour and water, he stuffed them full of purple adzuki mix, hazelnut white chocolate, and yuzu-honey dew custard. Placing the small balls in a steamer, he set a mental timer to check on them after a few minutes. Not his usual method to make dango, but he wanted to experiment for you.
He knew better than to disturb you when you were like this, and he allowed you to work out whatever was brewing in your mind on the dishes you were cleaning. He looked to the bowls and dishes he had just made in crafting you something delectable and grimaced.
‘All of those dishes just to make a simple dessert,’ he mentally scolded himself, ‘And that's just one piece of the kitchen. You're taking care of everyone’s dishes here, not just the kitchen’s.’ He gently lifted the lid of the bamboo steamer to gauge the consistency of the circular treats, nodding to himself once he viewed the squishy exterior.
Plating up the dish by patting them dry and rolling them in rice flour, he softly approached you with the bowl of rainbow-colored treats.
You were in your own head, your thoughts swirling in a tight coil threatening to snap. This shift had been enough to break a seasoned kitchen hand, and you had endured it all with a silent professionalism. Just when you were about to begin the next wave of remaining dishes, you turned and met your eyes with a plate of rainbow and sunshine.
“Hands, chef. You need to eat something,” Sanji softly spoke, his usual smirk and cocky attitude fleeing his face. The replacement of his usual demeanor was something you hadn't experienced with him. His eyes were rounded, his lips softly pouring, his head was lowered and seeking out your gaze with his own, and his empathy was worn with each subtlety.
All in one fluid motion, your head hung low and your glove-covered hands shrouded your eyes from his gaze. At the same motion, Sanji placed the bowl down beside you and hastily drew you into an encumbering embrace. It had finally been too much for you, and this was the first breakdown you had ever had regarding a shift. Heavy sobs were muffled by your rubber-covered palms while Sanji cradled you in his arms.
“Hold onto me, love,” Sanji softly whispered into your ear. You immediately unburied your face within your palms and nuzzled into the blonde man’s neck, arms wrapping beneath his shoulders and clinging to him like a rope offered from a cliff’s edge. “There you go. Good job. Just hold on, okay?”
“S-Sanji?” you attempted to whimper out, only being met with a soft shush and a tighter hold on your form. He rose one arm up to remove your dark chef’s cap from your head and carded his hands over your scalp in a soft brush.
“You've been pushing too many doubles, and saying ‘yes’ a whole lot lately,” he gently soothed you, “And while I love this place as much as you and the old man, I know my limits.” He gently lifted his head to gaze down to where your head was nestled in his collar, “You just hit yours, didn't you?”
“First time since I started,” you whispered into his shirt, “I didn't think I had one ‘til now, Ji.” Your admission alongside his arms holding you firmly dried up your tears after the heavy release.
“Course you do. We all do,” his soft baritone gently coaxed you. You slowly raised your eyes to meet his. His smile was like sunshine after a storm, warmth following a heavy winter, hope where hopelessness was found mere minutes prior, and a sanctuary found after a season of war.
When he looked at you, you felt like the most important person in the world. Time stood still in that moment, eyes darting between one another's and gently focussing briefly on the other’s lips. The close proximity you found yourself in was not unfamiliar to you, but this emotion swelling was far greater than you had anticipated. Sanji made to lean towards you, halting mid-way and second guessing himself from giving you the kiss he truly wanted. Instead, he pressed his forehead to yours in a gentle seal of friendship.
Noses flush with one another’s, you both closed your eyes and dwelled in the silence for a moment. Nothing else was heard: no yells in the kitchen, no music from the dining room, no yells from your coworkers, and no demands from the patrons in the hall. All that was heard was the small thump of your heartbeat in your ears, and your shared breaths gently soothing one another in unison.
“I made you dango,” Sanji uttered softly, making no move to part from you.
“Thank you, Ji,” you expressed your gratitude just as softly.
“And while you eat, I'll finish up on the dishes,” he scrunched his nose playfully, moving away from your head and slowly releasing you from his embrace, “Then we can go and have a knock off. I'll have one of the bar staff take your shift tomorrow- And before you interrupt-!”
Sanji knew you all too well, halting your interjection before you had an opportunity to speak it out with a harsh expression.
“-I know it's a 'double split'. That's a four person job, and I know exactly the four people to do it,” he finally withdrew his arms from your shoulders and soothed your upper arms with a firm caress. “Now, hand over those gloves. I made a right mess cooking you your sweets, and I'm going to see to it that it's spotless while you eat.”
You slowly removed your arms from his body, halting them briefly on his hips while you bowed your head in gratitude.
“Oui, chef,” you huffed out in a bid to add humor to the scenario. Releasing him from your grasp, you began to remove your rubber gloves and hang them over the steel railing beside the sink.
Sanji slid his hands from your shoulders, his right hand moving to gently tap your chin up with his index finger. Following his motions, you met your eyes with his once more, offering him a small smile after the exhaustion of emotional release.
“‘Oui Chef’?” he gently teased you, his eyes playfully narrowing in his jest, “Hush, you. Now go eat your dango and tell me what you like about it. We got sweet red bean, white chocolate hazelnut, and citrus-melon mouse in the centers.”
Your eyes bloomed with a wave of gratitude, Sanji’s understanding washing from his aura and consuming you within his single glance. The only thing to break your joint hypnosis with the scent of the sweetness atop the bench, you bobbed your head a final time to your coworker and dearest friend.
You moved to sit by the sink on a wooden stool, plonking down and resting your worn feet with the plate sat in your lap. Head slumping on the steel bench, you close your eyes and raise one of the squishy spheres to your lips.
Placing the entire blob into your mouth, the center burst on impact of the clamp of your teeth. The flavors erupted over your palate, your emotions once again being forced to the surface at his thoughtfulness. Each tartness was compensated by the sweetness it needed, the sours holding a balance of soft umami to prolong the dance over your tongue.
Watching from the corner of his eye while elbows deep in the sink, Sanji smiled at the encounter, truly pleased that he could offer you that sense of comfort after a grueling few weeks. Each bite you took of his mastery had his heart swell. Knowing he could do this for you, take a piece of that burden away from you and give you some joy to focus on: that was all he ever craved in return from you.
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Tag list: @mfreedomstuff @daydreamer-in-training @since-im-already-here @gingernut1314 @writingmysanity @i-am-vita @indydonuts @feral-artistry @the-light-of-star @empirenowmp3 @racfoam @sunflowersatori @carrotsunshine @skullfacedlady @jintaka-hane @thenotsofantasticlifestory
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gothicada · 2 days
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ᴋɪɴɢ ᴏꜰ ᴘᴇɴᴛᴀᴄʟᴇꜱ
ᴍᴇᴀɴɪɴɢ ʀᴏᴍᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇᴇʀ/ꜱᴄʜᴏᴏʟ ꜰᴜᴛᴜʀᴇ ꜰɪɴᴀɴᴄᴇ ʜᴏᴡ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ꜰᴇᴇʟꜱ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴏᴡ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴛʀᴇᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴏᴡ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴘᴇʀᴄᴇɪᴠᴇꜱ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴅ ᴀꜱ ᴀ ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴ ꜱᴇx
⟶ ᴋɪɴɢ ᴏꜰ ᴘᴇɴᴛᴀᴄʟᴇꜱ ᴜᴘʀɪɢʜᴛ
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ʚїɞ ᴍᴇᴀɴɪɴɢ ⟶ the king of pentacles is about regal energy and generosity, it is about being a provider and a protector. flourishing and being abundant, being in control of our own energy and is a great card to receive for financial situation. its about high status too.
ʚїɞ ʀᴏᴍᴀɴᴄᴇ ⟶ good card to get romantically means you will be spoiled. attracting someone who has a high status or is in a good financial spot can be both. this card could also mean a protective lover and someone who takes slow to commit because they likely take love seriously and want to see if you're the right person. a secure and stable connection as well.
ʚїɞ ᴄᴀʀᴇᴇʀ/ꜱᴄʜᴏᴏʟ ⟶ the king of pentacles upright here shows that you could have a good reputation, being one of the most popular people over there. and having ambition to complete your goals. someone with good experience can come and help you.
ʚїɞ ꜰᴜᴛᴜʀᴇ ⟶ for a future this could mean getting a better financial status, can be about someone coming into your life and helping you to get your life together. this card could also mean that you might be handling yourself and your finances better than usual. could mean gaining popularity and even joining a career that could go well for you.
ʚїɞ ꜰɪɴᴀɴᴄᴇ ⟶ do i need to say much? saving and investing. supporting your loved ones, feeling secure, could be telling yourself to indulge and enjoy yourself with what you want to do.
ʚїɞ ʜᴏᴡ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ꜰᴇᴇʟꜱ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ⟶ someone could be feeling protective over you, having the need to spoil you. someone could be feeling grounded and patient about you, loyal and faithful. they would be encouraging and supportive, this is a good card to get when it comes to someone's feelings about you.
ʚїɞ ʜᴏᴡ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴛʀᴇᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ⟶ a good card to get when you ask how someone would treat you. would be very protective towards you, would put hard-work within the connection. would provide for you and would be determined to get into a relationship with you. would also be cautious and aware with how they treat you. would treat you like one of their own.
ʚїɞ ʜᴏᴡ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴘᴇʀᴄᴇɪᴠᴇꜱ ʏᴏᴜ ⟶ they would think of you to be someone who is dependable, someone who is a providing. but they would think of you as someone who doesnt take risk, like someone who wants to be aware of their situation before they go forward with everything. they would think of you as someone who is popular, secure and a good leader. they would think of you as an encouraging peron as well.
ʚїɞ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴅ ᴀꜱ ᴀ ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴ ⟶ the king of pentacles as a person is a good person. someone who has power, and is abundant. someone who can be materialistic but has a good relationship with materialistic things. this could also mean the king of pentacles is someone who is encouraging and dependable. someone who is popular and is a confident person, someone others would considered as a cool and laid back person.
ʚїɞ ꜱᴇx ⟶ slow and steady. might be conservative with the sex, but is an indicator of daddy kink, but it depends what other cards are around there like the devil. but this card could also mean spending good money on each other before the sex, and there'll be a clear dominance. missionary is a big indicator here, but i do see riding happening.
⟶ ᴋɪɴɢ ᴏꜰ ᴘᴇɴᴛᴀᴄʟᴇꜱ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀꜱᴇᴅ
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ʚїɞ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀꜱᴀʟ ᴍᴇᴀɴɪɴɢ ⟶ in reverse, the king of pentacles is a really negative card. it could be about being obsessed, specifically about wealth. someone being greedy, having no support. not being realistic. falling from your throne and not focusing on things that are relevant.
ʚїɞ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀꜱᴀʟ ʀᴏᴍᴀɴᴄᴇ ⟶ not a good card. something being aggressive, greedy, obsessive, controlling. using someone and being unreliable in your romantic connection. someone trying to manipulate the other person. using other people for their sex or finances.
ʚїɞ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀꜱᴀʟ ᴄᴀʀᴇᴇʀ/ꜱᴄʜᴏᴏʟ ⟶ not good reputation. failing something or even being fired. could be about someone in the work space trying to manipulate another person, someone demeaning another person.
ʚїɞ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀꜱᴀʟ ꜰᴜᴛᴜʀᴇ ⟶ could be about not being a better version of yourself, losing money and people around you. feeling insecure about yourself. could be about not being successful about something. could also be about warning you to not fall for someone's manipulative behaviour.
ʚїɞ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀꜱᴀʟ ꜰɪɴᴀɴᴄᴇ ⟶ not a good card to get for finances. poor financial decisions, becoming bankrupt, a scam, dont fall for anyone's promises.
ʚїɞ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀꜱᴀʟ ʜᴏᴡ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ꜰᴇᴇʟꜱ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ⟶ someone could be feeling obsessive and controlling. might want to control everything you do. could feel very possessive but depending what other cards there are, it could mean someone could be feeling cold and uncaring, even ruthless.
ʚїɞ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀꜱᴀʟ ʜᴏᴡ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴛʀᴇᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ⟶ not a good card to get in downright, would mean they would be corrupt and even exploitative. could be unsupportive, would only care about themselves. could be a broke boy and not even take you out on dates.
ʚїɞ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀꜱᴀʟ ʜᴏᴡ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴘᴇʀᴄᴇɪᴠᴇꜱ ʏᴏᴜ ⟶ they would think of you as a good for nothing bitch. would think of you as someone who is corrupted, bad. someone who might use other people, someone who is not good for anything. someone who isnt good at handling money. could think of you as someone who is irrelevant as well.
ʚїɞ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀꜱᴀʟ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴅ ᴀꜱ ᴀ ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴ ⟶ as a person, the king of pentacles in reverse is one of the worst people you can come across. might even smell. dress bad. bad hair. could be too arrogant. too cocky, might like power too much, could believe they're better than other people. manipulative, controlling over the people around them.
ʚїɞ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀꜱᴀʟ ꜱᴇx ⟶ yeah no...
ʚїɞ ɴᴇxᴛ ⟶ ᴀᴄᴇ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴡᴏʀᴅꜱ
ʚїɞ ʙᴇꜰᴏʀᴇ ⟶ Qᴜᴇᴇɴ ᴏꜰ ᴘᴇɴᴛᴀᴄʟᴇꜱ
ꜱᴜɪᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴘᴇɴᴛᴀᴄʟᴇꜱ ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ
ɢᴏᴛʜɪᴄᴀᴅᴀ'ꜱ ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ
my services
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serpentarii · 2 days
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M O R D L U S T ; september 22nd, 2024
finally getting around to doing these more often now that i'm making money moves in the draft (this is a lie, i am making moves into my friends' dms to scream) so that means i have an excuse to make self-indulgent WIP edits.
my primary protagonist vératre, formerly known as voir, has been made sufficiently weird, and i think i've found a way to smoothly integrate all of the new scenes i added when i reformatted her half of the plot.
i've also been in my overthinking era to make sure that everything from color symbolism, animal motifs, to the specific variations of words characters use has a purpose. 90% of it will not be apparent in the actual draft so, to paraphrase myself, i'm like gay sisyphus opening and closing notion.
but, i do plan on making some character aesthetic intros, tv show edits, and finally getting around to that animal symbolism post 🐯
transcript below the cut:
Pale blue light flooded into the crate as the lid was pried off, then abruptly overturned, sending Aleksander tumbling out between a set of familiar armchairs. His attention traveled up the front of a familiar desk and landed at an unsmiling familiar face.  Sitting quietly on the other side of the desk was Lady Kos, regal as a queen and ten times wealthier, with pearl droplets woven into her dark braids, dressed in chiffon and lace from trailing hem to high, starched collar.  She was melting wax, her movements swift and assured as she poured a small pool onto the folds of an envelope and stamped it with a sigil Aleksander knew to dread. She took a sip of riesling, soundlessly replacing her glass onto the wood, before setting her sights on him.  “Herr Aleksander Fox,” she said at last. 
and since i haven't done this in like 4 years, surprise bitch. i'm doing a novel prep tag in here now.
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first look ;
describe your novel in 1-2 sentences (elevator pitch) ;
a businessman-turned-thief finds himself entangled with a pair of opposing assassins and the roles they unknowingly play in a much grander conspiracy.
how long do you plan for your novel to be (novella, standalone, series, etc.)? ;
a standalone, thank god. the technically term would be roman fleuve, since i am planning future standalone works that take place within the same universe.
what is your novel’s aesthetic? ;
ancient buildings overtaken by nature, cemeteries at midnight, poisonous flowers, venomous snakes, whispering in shadowy alcoves, masquerade balls, bloodstained feathers, veiled truths
what other stories inspire your novel? ;
the his dark materials series by philip pullman, uprooted by naomi novik, classic gothic lit, fairy tales in general, and uh,,,,,,,exodus.
share 3+ images that give a feel for your novel ;
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main character ;
who is your protagonist? ;
my two main protagonists/POVs are liferuiner and wannabe businessman aleksander fox, and vératre, a notorious poisoner struggling her way through a quarter-life crisis.
who is their closest ally? ;
aleksander's closest ally, at least in the beginning, is his friend heidi, an information broker with a secret :) and vératre begrudgingly accepts the help of salicaire, another assassin, since they are both nosy and want answers.
who is their enemy? ;
aleksander vs. the ospirin family (a fight he is nawt winning) and the church
what do they want more than anything? ;
so, to be cryptic, 3/4 of the leads in mordlust are all reflections of each other, what they could have been and what they want to be. the last of them is the mirror. they see in him what they want to see. and what they want, shockingly, is prestige, power, belonging, etc. they've always felt like strangers in their own skin and will go to terrible lengths to fit themselves into a society that was not made for them.
why can’t they have it? ;
dirty dirty politics for which they are mere pawns ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
what do they wrongly believe about themselves? ;
that because they've been hurt, they are justified in hurting others in pursuit of their goals.
draw your protagonist! (or share a description) ;
aleksander is a classic dandy with a hyperfixation on his vintage fox fur coat, which he wears even when it's wildly out of season and out of fashion because it's the nicest thing he owns. he's also usually seen wearing kid leather gloves and a golden cravat pin he received from his patroness. he's got green eyes, short auburn hair, lots of freckles, and more people would find him handsome if he didn't smile like he knew your fly was down and was refusing to tell you.
vératre's lips are stained purple due to. reasons. and so she wears a veil, which is not uncommon for particularly devout women. she has medium length brown hair she keeps pinned up into tight plaits and a notably long neck. also, she has pretty privilege because shits fucked and having attractive lay servants representing the house/church is common practice. since she works as a kitchen maid most of the week, she's often wearing her uniform w/ an apron. and sometimes she wears isme's black feathered cloak.
drawing wise, i do have this chart, courtesy of alex @bitethebard:
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plot points ;
what is the internal conflict? ;
aleksander and vératre, being parallels of each other, have somewhat similar internal conflicts. they both came from nameless villages out in the countryside and share a burning desire to be more. in vératre's case it's v much a "be careful what you wish for" situation, because in receiving everything she thought she wanted she's no longer herself and unhappier than ever. aleksander is younger and earlier along in his journey, but barreling down the same path. except the choices he makes fucks shit up for the people around him more than they effect himself.
what is the external conflict? ;
again, cutthroat politics (literally). everyone has something they'd kill for.
what is the worst thing that could happen to your protagonist? ;
other than dying horribly, probably being tethered to an uncaring master, praying to uncaring gods, and trying to find comfort in an uncaring church for the rest of their miserable lives.
what secret will be revealed that changes the course of the story? ;
aleksander is entangled in a pseudo-liar revealed plot, which i kinda hate, but as an extremely unreliable narrator his priorities are not in proper order... vératre is witnessing the horrors.
do you know how it ends? ;
yeah
bits & bobs ;
what is the theme? ;
blind faith is dangerous. you must learn to take responsibility for both the good and the bad actions you take, and attaching yourself to someone or something at random to validate your own existence isn't healthy. holiness exists not only in gods but in small moments of happiness and in the people we love. and lastly don't fucking steal someone's skin and sell it on the black market.
what is a recurring symbol? ;
thorns.
where is the story set? (share a description!) ;
niederbrinn, the capital city of falkenreik, which is loosely inspired by pre-german empire prussia. it's filled with tons of gothic™ architecture and fun locations like cathedrals, catacombs, and creature shops. it's situated closer to the malevolent eldritch forest than most would like.
do you have any images or scenes in your mind already? ;
hell yeah
what excited you about this story? ;
mostly isme. and then the other 3 protags ig 🙄
tell us about your usual writing method! ;
these days, i usually write a rough outline and expand it using the snowflake method, incorporating ideas, themes, and worldbuilding along the way. then i make a proper outline where i figure out chapters, acts, the dreaded midpoint, etc. i don't write in chronological order so this helps a ton with out-of-context lines since i have a reference for where i want them based on the location/emotional state of the characters. getting myself to actually sit down and WRITE the damn thing is the problem, shout out to my fellow procrastinating perfectionists <33
if you made it to this point you are sexy and i love you, byeeee !!
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tinytalkingtina · 2 days
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Born to Run
Part 1 of Running with the Devil, a Steddie role reversal series
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4k words | Rating: E
Tags/CW: Role reversal no upside down AU with some canon divergence, Jock/Track Star!Eddie, Metalhead/drug dealer!Steve, appalachian Eddie, confident bisexual Steve, Eddie has a sexuality crisis but is in denial, Eddie's sleeping mind decides to take matters into its own hands, wet dream (contains spanking and public humiliation), running of both the literal and metaphorical kind, child abuse referenced indirectly (physical beatings that happened in the past)
Read now on Ao3, and be sure to read @little-annie's Part 2 from Steve's POV, "Metal Health will Drive you Mad"
The sex dream within this fic is brought to you by the Week 4 prompt "slap" of the @steddiesmuttyseptember event
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Eddie was always a runner. If you asked Wayne, he apparently skipped straight from crawling to toddling around as fast as his chubby legs could carry him. When he got older, it was a release valve, for everything and anything shitty in his life.
He didn’t have to think about his mom pulling a disappearing act, or his dad getting himself arrested (again). The world would narrow until the only sounds he could hear were the rushing in his ears and the smack of his sneakers on pavement.
Running had brought him to where he was now, as he clawed his way up the proverbial high school ranks. Anyone at this party would look at him and only see the triumphant senior captain of the track team, fresh off a successful meet. Every keg stand, every heroic retelling of a close race, every sloppy makeout session with a cheerleader, kept the attention on the Eddie of the present. 
No one needed to remember the wide-eyed weirdo with patched baggy clothes, nearly ten when his classmates would only turn nine that year.
All around him, the crowd ebbed and flowed between the alcohol and the bonfire, the flickering flames and shadows making it hard to tell who was who. Someone stumbled into Eddie, breaking him out of his brooding.
“Whoops, sorry Eddie! Guess I’ll have to make it up to you later.” Before he could say anything, the giggling cheerleader pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. (He knew he went on a date with her about a month ago, but her name eluded him. Tina, maybe, or Vicki?)
He forced a grin back. “Of course you didn’t mean it sugar. Gonna hold you to that ‘kay?”
The girl possibly named Tina swooned at the tiny bit of accent he'd carefully slipped in. Just a touch could be charming to the fine folks of the Midwest, even if what he ended up using was way less Appalachian hick and more refined Southern gentleman than his momma's family had ever spoken in their lives.
As soon as her back was turned, he let the smile slide off. His post-meet high wore off too quickly tonight, and it left him well, twitchy.
An arm slung itself over his shoulder. "Ed my man, this party is wild! Your best work yet dude." Tommy grinned at him, already drunk. Neither of them commented on how close Tommy was pressing himself into Eddie. Or how Eddie wasn't quite moving away. But then again, the two of them had perfected the art of leaving things unsaid after what happened sophomore year, how close they had come to—no.
"Heh, yeah. Hey, where's Carol? She's gonna be pissed you abandoned her."
"Please, Carol's fine. She's busy talking with Lisa Carmichael. Speaking of which, she's really into you. Come on, get your dick wet, you deserve it after that 800 meter. We're fucking going to states!" His last sentence was said much louder, and a chorus of cheers and whoops predictably echoed back from celebratory partygoers. The twitchiness grew.
"I dunno man, not really feeling it tonight." Eddie tried to subtly back up a little bit, but Tommy just swayed forward into his space again.
“Trust me, you won’t be feeling like that when you're balls deep in a nice tight—"
"Tommy will you just fucking stop? What's with your obsession with my dick huh?"
A look of fear and hurt flashed across Tommy's face for a second, before it was replaced with a scowl. Fuck that was the wrong thing to say and danced way too close to the thoughts about—nope, they were not gonna talk about that.
Eddie carefully pat Tommy on the shoulder instead of thinking. "Shit sorry, it's fine, you're just looking out for me, right? I appreciate it, just not uh, really in the partying mood for some reason." 
Tommy managed to recover his grin. "Oh, duh, why didn't you say so? That fucking freak Harrington finally showed up about thirty minutes ago. Sure he's got something that'll make you unwind a bit. Here, have one on me.”
Eddie wanted to snap that he didn’t need pity money. He got the kegs supplied just fine on his own, hadn’t he? But Tommy was still holding himself tensely several steps away. Tommy, who in sixth grade biked over every other day even after his parents had told him to stay away from the trailer park. Who “accidentally” always had a second pudding cup tucked in with his lunch for sharing. Whose summertime freckles were just starting to fade but Eddie knew still trailed down all the way to his—. 
Besides, maybe weed would take the edge off whatever ugly thing kept rearing its insistent head inside him tonight. Help him forget about the looming pressures of the future and the things he wasn’t going to think about, help him feel normal again.
“Thanks Tommy, I’ll try and relax.” Eddie grabbed the money and set off down the path towards Skull Rock, where Harrington always held court. The chill wind rustling through the trees was a welcome respite to his overheated skin.
The walk over to the next clearing was only a few minutes, but by the time Eddie came upon it, the thrum of bass and general teenage debauchery had faded into a low murmur.
Instead, Skull Rock reverberated with the sound of tapping and gentle humming. Eddie’s heart picked up a little.
Read the rest on Ao3!
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It's finally here! This began life as a brain worm that Annie and I have turned into a whole fully expanded universe. We can't wait to write more with these two :D
Tagging a few folks who showed interest in the original Wiggly Wednesday post (but please feel free to ignore): @eyesofshinigami @augustjustice @griefabyss69 @hairstevington
Thank you to steddiecameraroll-graphics for the runner divider!
@dreamy-jeans137 @eriquin @hbyrde36 @hotluncheddie
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eshieslovemaze · 3 days
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what we left behind... | jungkook
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summary: nothing lasts forever. everything comes to an end. so does your relationship with him.
pairing: jungkook × reader
genre: angst, hurt-no-comfort
word count: 2.2k+
warnings/includes: arguments, a relationship falling apart, eventual breakup, crying, mentions of depression
❤️‍🩹🍂
jungkook and you have been each other's everything for years. your relationship began to bloom in the late years of high school, and blossomed into something truly beautiful by your mid-twenties. your love story was one that your friends both appreciated and envied — two souls who found their way to one another through events aligned by the universe. but life has a way of changing things, and somewhere along the path, you started to drift apart.
it started subtly. you would come home late from your work, too exhausted with your new responsibilities as a high ranked professional to spend your time together. jungkook, overwhelmed with his own workload, would bury himself in his tasks to avoid the palpitating tension at home that only seemed to grow. conversations that used to flow effortlessly between you two became stilted, awkward, and i dare say, suffocating. the little things you once loved and adored about each other became sources of irritation and arguments.
one night, the tension finally boiled over. you fought about something very trivial —who forgot to buy milk, or who left the lights on, and it had escalated into something much darker and irreversible.
"jungkook, why do you always do this? you just shut down, and i feel like i'm talking to a wall! it's like you don't even want to talk with me anymore!" you snapped, your voice shaking with frustration, mind weighed down and haywire from the turn of events between you two.
jungkook's jaw clenched as he tried to keep his temper in check. "and you think i enjoy this? i can’t even remember the last time we had a conversation that didn’t end in a fight!"
"maybe if you actually listened—" you start, but he doesn't let you finish.
"i do listen! but all i hear is how i'm never good enough for you anymore," his voice rose, sharp and cold like a dagger.
you froze, the weight of his words seeping in like water through a sponge. the anger that had fueled you suddenly turned into something else — pain, guilt, and a deep sadness that you didn’t know how to express. "jungkook, you know... that’s not what i mean. i just—"
"just what, y/n? just wish you were with someone else? someone who didn’t disappoint you all the time? someone who isn't me?" his words seemed to bring out every negative emotion within you, his own chest heaved with each laboured breath, struggling to keep his temper in check.
"that’s not fair!" you cried out, your voice breaking. tears welled up in your eyes, but you blinked them back, telling yourself it's not the time, refusing to let them fall. "i never said that, i would never say that!"
"you didn’t have to," jungkook's voice was cold, distant. the warmth that once filled his eyes when he looked at you was all gone, replaced by a dull resignation, something that you tried to ignore to not break down. "maybe… maybe we’re just fooling ourselves, thinking we can keep doing this, when we both know we can't." he ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the roots in frustration.
you stared at him, your heart pounding in your chest. "what are you saying? y-you don't mean it, right?" your nostrils flared, eyes blazing with a mixture of rage, guilt, and most importantly, hurt.
jungkook looked away, unable to meet your gaze. "i don’t know what i’m saying. i just— i don’t know how to fix, or do this," he points his index to you and then himself, "anymore."
the room fell into a heavy silence, the weight of your unspoken words pressing down. you felt a tear slip down your cheek, and you quickly wiped it away. "maybe we just need some time, some space," you whispered, though you weren't sure if you were trying to convince him or yourself.
"yeah," jungkook simply replied, his voice devoid of any emotion as he looked away from your eyes. "maybe."
you didn’t speak again that night, both retreating into your own corners of the house like strangers living under the same roof. as the days turned into weeks, the once-familiar spaces felt increasingly empty. awkwardly polite exchanges, forced smiles, and a palpable tension hung heavy in the air, a constant reminder of the distance that had grown between you in an unalterable way.
then came the afternoon that would be the turning point of everything. you had suggested that you both go to the café where you had your first date, desparately hoping that a walk down memory lane would rekindle the spark you two have misplaced, and take things back to where they were. jungkook agreed, though he wasn’t really sure if he believed it would help.
the café was just as you remembered from your high school days —warm, cozy, with the same old jukebox in the corner playing soft tunes. you sat at your usual table, the one by the window, but the atmosphere was different now. the once comforting familiarity of the place only highlighted how much had changed between the two of you, igniting the tension instead of bringing back the lost warmth.
both of you forced a small talk, urging yourselves to pretend things were just fine when in all reality, they weren't. The tautness between you was palpable and growing, the uncomfortable silence between your words louder than ever.
you finally broke, your voice trembling as you spoke, "jungkook… do you remember how we used to dream about the future? about us together forever? how we talked about travelling, starting a family, growing old together?" you gulped, supressing the trembling emotions in your throat.
jungkook nodded, his throat tightening, "of course, i do. i remember."
"what happened to us?" your voice finally cracked, your eyes searching his for answers that neither of you had. "when did we stop being… us? when did things change from what they were?"
he looked at you, his own heart aching at the sight of your pain. "i don’t know, really," he admitted, his eyes dimming. "i don’t know when we lost each other. to the point that we let the rough patches take control of everything to the point of no return."
your eyes brimmed with tears, and this time, you couldn’t find it in you to hold them back. "i don’t want to lose you, jungkook. i love you. that... that never changed."
"i love you too, y/n. i know it," he said, his voice barely above a whisper, choked with bitter feelings from the situation you both are in. "but maybe… maybe love isn’t enough for us anymore. neither of us are happy..." he weakly trails off.
you felt your heart shatter to dust at his words. you wanted to argue, to deny, to fight for the both of you. but deep down, you knew he was right. you both had been trying to hold on to something that was already gone, lost forever.
you finished your beverages in silence, buying time as both your minds wheeled to weigh the situation. when the twilight pink of the sky darkens with clouds, mirroring your thoughts, you two decide to leave. you two walk to the car, the rain that had started moments ago now falling steadily around you.
you drove back to your shared apartment in silence, neither of you knowing what to say. as you two entered the confinements of your shared home — if it even was a home anymore, you spoke up after finding your voice. "what now, jungkook?"
jungkook glanced at you for a moment before looking away, his chest tight with heavy, bitter feelings. "it's time. we will keep hurting ourselves if this goes on. we need to break up."
you looked up at him, your eyes full of pain, sadness, and regret, "i'll always love you, kook."
"and i'll always love you too, y/n," he replied, his eyes softening with melancholy as he gulped. "but… it’s time to let go."
you nodded, tears streaming down your cheeks as you closed your eyes. you couldn't stop yourself as you leaned in and gave him a final, lingering kiss — a goodbye wrapped in the echo of what you both left behind. he pulled you close, deepening the kiss as you both tasted the saltiness of your tears through the kiss.
as you parted, he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, a final farewell. your heart ached with every item he placed into his suitcase, each one a piece of your shared life. the rain outside fell in sync with your tears, and you could only stand there, rooted to the spot. he gave you one last, lingering look before walking out the door, out of the world that you both dreamt of growing old in together, leaving it behind forever.
in the next few months, you went through the pits of regret and depression, wheeling your mind to replay every event during your togetherness and calculate what went wrong, when it went all downhill. you cried for days, mourning for what you two left behind. you made yourself a workaholic to stop yourself from spiralling, cooping yourself at your workplace till odd hours to avoid the memories that would rush back when you would step in your once shared home.
but you knew you couldn't grieve forever; you had to move on. slowly, you began having proper meals and taking care of yourself, gradually starting to change the decor of the apartment — as if to bury all the memories. with a heavy heart, you took down all the frames with pictures of two of you, safely placing them in a box and tucking it away in a corner under the bed. it was hard to let go of all those years of memories, but you did it for your own sake, knowing it would have been worse if you two stayed together. when the one-year mark of the break up hit, you believed that you had moved on, no longer caught up in the past. yes, you felt nostalgic at times, but you finally moved on.
you walked into the upscale downtown gallery, eyes sweeping across the room filled with art lovers and collectors. you weren’t here for the art, though; you had arrived tonight to support a friend who was showcasing her paintings for the first time. as you navigated through the crowd while admiring the art pieces on display, your steps faltered, your breath catching in your throat.
there, across the room, was jungkook.
he looked different — slightly older, more polished in a tailored suit, his hair a little longer than you had remembered, his jawline looking slightly angular. your eyes then fell to the woman beside him, laughing at something he said, her hand resting easily on his arm. she looked stunning, so much that a pang of envy shot through you; for now occupying the place you once had.
your heart tightened at the sight. it had been a year since that rainy night, a year since you had gone your separate ways, but seeing him now stirred that all-too-familiar ache in your chest. he looked happy — content in a way you hadn’t seen far too long.
for a moment, you considered turning around, slipping out before he could notice you. but before you could decide, jungkook's eyes caught yours across the room.
at that moment, everything else faded away. the crowd, the noise, the art — all of it blurred into the background as your eyes locked. but the once fiery connection between you was all gone, leaving only a cold, distant recognition in its place.
jungkook's smile slowly dropped, his expression unreadable. you felt a wave of emotions crash over you — nostalgia, regret, a tinge of longing — but most of all, you felt the cold sting of reality. you were no longer the jungkook and you who had shared dreams and whispered secrets in the dark; now you were just two people who had once been in love, but not anymore.
the woman beside jungkook nudged him, drawing his attention back to her. he offered her a small smile and leaned in to whisper something in her ear. a pang of jealousy flared up inside you, but you quickly pushed it down, reminding yourself that you were no longer a part of each other’s lives.
taking a deep breath, you turned away, forcing yourself to walk in the opposite direction. you mingled with the other guests, engaging in polite conversations, but your mind was miles away. the image of jungkook lingered in your mind, and you couldn’t stop replaying the way he had looked at you — like a stranger from a vague memory.
the evening passed in a blur, and as you left the gallery, you couldn’t resist glancing over your shoulder one last time. jungkook was still there, smiling with the woman who now held his attention, his form turned away from you — both literally and figuratively.
as you stepped out into the cool night air, you realized that the chapter of your life with jungkook had truly closed. you had become what you never thought you could — strangers passing by in the night, each on separate paths, separate lives.
with each step away, you finally allowed yourself to let go of the last remnants of what you left behind, embracing the unknown future ahead, no longer haunted by the ghost of your past love.
— copyright: © @eshieslovemaze 0924.
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aro-culture-is · 2 years
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Romance favorable aro culture is being a little sad that you won't get to meet someone who you'll have a fairytale ending with becuase you don't really fall in love. I'm still upset that I dont
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Hello travelers, guests, and visitors, I am writing this and putting this before you as an official Apology.
First of all, so we can clear the air and provide the clearest explanation of what is happening, my name is either Camila or Neptune--I go by both--and I am the main "Host"/Maintainer of this Temple--The Temple of Deified Heroes. I created this space not too long ago--a few months, maybe--to provide a space for the "lesser known" aspects of Hellenic Paganism, that you can Worship, Devote, and Work with the Greek Heroes. I was and still am new to Paganism in the public space--I have been practicing privately through my knowledge of religion and Ancient Practices for over a year at this point--but I only started looking at what is going on in the public recently (also a few months ago).
Moving on to the problem I am apologizing for. My intentions of creating this space were entirely pure--if very uneducated. I knew the role I was stepping into would be a big one--I would unconsciously become an "authority figure," simply by being the one to create this space, much less how I put myself out there--but I was ready to do my research and step into it. I wanted to use this space to both learn and teach what I love--both in my practices and in the Mythology--but, unfortunately, I could not keep my promises. I have tried many times to keep up with this space and do my duties in learning and spreading knowledge such as deep dives and providing information many probably weren't even thinking about asking, but each time I have truly and utterly failed. I will stop lying to myself now, because it's really only harming people: I cannot keep up with the promises I signed up for making this space.
Thank you to @hyakinthou-naos and @khaire-traveler along with another poster that I unfortunately did not grab before writing this for educating me on this subject--of how big of a space I am trying and failing to fill. I do not know if they were directed at me or as a collective, but the message was heard anyway. Yes, I am embarrassed and truly and utterly sorry for doing this, but I know how to admit defeat and move on. Doing anything other than making this post would be wrong of me. Their posts, to everyone out there that may want to or need to gain the same information I did, will be linked at the end of this one as resources so we may all know more going forward.
What is the future of this space now? Well, I have spent many hours thinking about this along with our Discord Server, but I have decided this Temple will stay up because, despite my failings, it did do some good to the people it was meant to provide for and maybe putting up this apology will allow people to realize what truly goes on behind the scenes of these Temples. As for myself, I will be converting to a Digital Shrine so that people may continue to come by and offer things but it will be more of my space and very much less formal. I do still want to "showcase" my Deities (for the lack of a better word), but I have realized that this is not the space for it.
Thank you, again, everyone else, for allowing me to realize the severity of my situation. I realize the role that I was trying to assume and I am now finally taking responsibility of my wrong-doings for it. I hope you all can forgive me in some capacity and I hope this post will bring education toward other people who may need it. May all our roads be amusing, pretty, or at least rewarding in the long run, and may we all move forward knowing what is going on and accepting it as we need to.
-Camila/Neptune, Devotee of Lord Perseus
Resources, As Promised:
Digital Temples are really lovely, and I adore the fact that all these temples are suddenly popping up - by @khaire-traveler
Temples, Clergy, and Hellenic Faith - by @hyakinthou-naos
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icewindandboringhorror · 10 months
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I find it kind of silly that so many of those "time based life rule" sayings are like ~deep serious guidelines~ of some sort, but then there's that one other Well Known Rule that's just like "hrmm can I eat something off of the ground or not"
#the duality of human condition.. two biggest concerns in the modern era are attempts at self fulfilling productivity#and also 'if i drop my sandwich can i still eat it :('#Also while capitalism is often linked with/the source of hyper productivity culture - note that I do not mean the images in that context#'meaningful to you' does not have to mean 'productive within a capitalist system'. The point is not 'every waking hour of every day#must be spent in the most societally productive grinding mindset hyper efficency mode possible' but more like#if you've always wanted to learn french ever since you were a kid and you think it would be fulfilling to you (just because you like it#absent of any larger purpose like using it for a job/monetizing it somehow/etc.). and you've just spent like 5 hours straight on tiktok#or something mindlessly scrolling the internet. maybe someimtes it'd help for your own personal fulfillment in the long#run to try to - the next time you have 5 spare hours - work on learning french or something that is actually significant to you#as a person and that you'll be glad you worked towards. instead of weeks and weeks passing by and feeling you have nothing to show for it#or etc. AAANYWAY. The images/rules themselves are also NOT the main point of this post. More just the juxtaposition of them together#and the fact that 3 of them are serious seeming while one is so mundane it seems silly in comparison.#BUT even though they're not the main point . I still didn't want it to come across as if I was like promoting or buying into capitalist#productivity culture propaganda or etc. I don't find productivity tips like this inherently bad as long as they're kind of divorced from#those ideas. I think it's still important in life to have goals even if those goals exist outside of the typical expected framework.#I mean that's actually part of why a culture of chronically exhausted overworked deprived people is damaging because if you#'re forced to spend 85% of your waking time working at some job that is perosnally meaningless to you that brings you nothing that#youre only doing under threat of starvation and houselesness and etc. then of course you don't have much time for hobbies or things you car#about and of course you'll feel more aimless and personally unsatisfied and like life is not fulfilling or interesting.#Productivity and efficiency is GOOD actually. as long as it's able to be directed in ways that are actually meaingful to the community or#individual and bring some sort of feeling of fulfillment or progress or accomplishment and working towards a person's personal ideas#of happiness whatever those are. rather than just working away aimlessly so some guy you don't know can buy a 20th house or etc. etc.#ANYWAY.. lol.. Me overthinking things perhaps.. probably not as likely#that people see the silly little cat images and go 'WOW EVIL you must be a capitalist grind culture lover' like its pretty clear#thats not the point... but... just in case... lol.. I loooove to over clarify things that don't actually need clarification
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love-songs-for-emma · 1 month
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i was on zillow today, fantasizing about being able to live somewhere, when i came across the listing for my childhood home. it wasn't active/being sold, but it was on there with some pics of the interior. and my GOD. THEY MADE HER UGLY. THEY TOOK HER RUSTIC PUSSY OUT. WHAT THE FUCK
#i'd share pics if it didn't dox me a little#but it's SO SAD#PLS#i needed to see her... curiosity got me. i dream of this house genuinely nearly every night#but like. oh my god.#this is probably for the best bc it means i cant romanticize about buying this home again one day and expecting it to look at all like#it did#but they literally took down to bare bones and reshaped her and ohh my god#babes there was so much gorgeous wood work in that house#there was an accent exposed brick wall in the living room#the open layout was still closed off Enough to feel like separate rooms. but they opened it even more#AND THEY TOOK AWAY THE BARSTOOL/COUNTER AREA ?? IM SO CONFUSED#WHY WOULD U DO THAT#YOU COULD SIT AT THIS GORGEOUS BLACK GRANITE COUNTER AND EAT SITTING IN THE LIVING AREA AS SOMEONE YOU LOVE SERVED YOU A MEAL DIRECTLY FROM#THE KITCHEN#i'm not genuinely bent out of shape about this btw. i just had to share this somewhere sldkjfdskl#people will buy YOUR childhood home and make it ''''MODERN.'''' it will happen one day to YOU#they will paint the walls GRAY & take the pussy out of her TOO (the walls were warm deep yellows/oranges/reds. bedrooms were lighter blues)#THEY TOOK AWAY THE WARM COLORED TILES OF THE LIVING AREA AND REPLACED IT WITH UGLY WOOD FLOORING ???#THEY REMOVED THE MOLDINGS ENTIRELY ??#NO MORE WINDOW LEDGES ??????#WHAT WAS HAPPENING HERE#praying that these were In Progress pics and somebody has returned love to this home since bc. my god#again vague for my own safety but i moved out within the last decade and the home was resold in the last 5 or so years and thats when these#pics r from i think. so they've had time to fix her since#and boy was she a fixer upper after the horrors that happened inside those walls </3 ASLKDFJSAK#i should literally just write about this and instead i'm posting on tumblr#yeah that's life. that's being a tumblrina writer.#personal#.txt
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transmaverique · 5 months
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gonna be honest I see anyone talking about this "my gender is more complicated than yours" shit as someone who genuinely cannot comprehend that other people that don't share certain traits with them can still in fact have rich interior lives. as an agender trans woman who uses she/her I've never had anyone say it to me who wasn't (usually unknowingly) transmisogynistic
see but im not talking about "rich interior lives" and the assumption that i am is exactly what im talking about. i am talking about the actual physical way that reality treats and percieves me in comparison to the way it treats and percieves you. saying my gender is "more complex" means to me that i am physically incapable of existing in a strictly binary world and that there is no thing i can pass as bc "binary man" and "binary woman" are both incorrect for me. and the Cisiety in question does not allow androgyny to exist - it is exclusively the timeframe people have to decide whether they think you are a cisman or a ciswoman, or a failure and a freak. i dont subscribe to that "binary privilege" shit, thats not how privilege works. but there are differences in the ways both you and i can navigate this strictly binary Cisiety!!! and those differences deserve to be named, imo
like. again. i dont have to comfort you about your own internal sense of gender before youll listen to me about my experiences in the real world as genderqueer. as a different sort of transsexual than you.
(and bc i Know what binary ppl love to say: i know not everyone is 'capable of passing'. what i am talking about specifically is the difference between being unable to pass as a cis woman or a cis man vs being unable to pass bc what i am does not exist AT ALL in a binary society, and both of those things are incorrect ans unattainable.)
(anyways if that language is too imperfect for you thats like fine but. its just confusing to me, i dont get why its hard to understand what we are talking about here. our experiences w our nonbinary genders are completely different! why do i have to discuss them like theyre the same?)
#do you consider yourself transfem first or agender first on an internal level?#do you feel like you are predominantly treated as a trans woman in your day to day? does that hurt the part of you that is agender?#< not trying to grill u or anything im genuinely curious#ive had similar convos w my transmasc and transfem nonbinary friends as well as like. my gnc binary trans friends#i am just curious bc. like i said 'binary' isnt a bad thing to be and frankly since u identify urself as agender ur not really the target a#dience here anyways?#the idea that theres no such thing as a binary trans person just#fundamentally misunderstands the extremely broad swathe of nonbinary experiences and treatments#my passing transmasc enby friends dont particularly feel touched by transphobia unless theyre clocked or unless our areas laws changed#but some DO feel like they r effected by exorsexism on a day to day by being assumed to be binary men and having the other parts of their i#entities erased#while others are completely comfortable being percieved as strictly men and moving through life strictly as men#which is sounds like. i would guess youd have a similar position since u exclusively use she/her?#like.. it sounds to me like your 'rich interior life' doesnt really have an outward effect on the way people percieve and treat you and the#way you react to it which is very different from my experience#binary doesnt mean your gender is 'simple' it just means that you are comfortable within a binary system even of you dont personally identi#y with it. and maybe this is a case of 'political identity vs personal identity'??#and all of this is FINE its just. literally every time i talk about my own unique positioning my transandrogyny or whatever gives me#people crawl out of the woodwork to tell me my experiences are not actually unique#do u see what my issue is? my own trans experiences are erased bc other people 'disagree' with . what. my perspective as an 'unaligned' enb#? when its like. literally none of us are gonna have the same needs or experiences as trans people#and if 'binary' works to show that you are fine and comfortable being percieved exclusively as a woman#and 'nonbinary' works to show i am not#i dont really see what the issue w using the word 'binary' is#like i said. its not a slur. its not a bad thing to be.#and tbh i think this insistence that 'unaligned' nonbinary ppls perspectives arent actually unique to binary or 'aligned' nonbinary ppls is#directly contributing to like. lateral bigotry coming from said 'unaligned' enbies. like if u put urself in my shoes for a second and u gre#up being constantly told you were either a cis invader who didnt actually have any trans experiences and that only people who want to 'full#transition' were REAL transsexuals then. youd be kinda jaded too right? and im sure you ARE kinda jaded lol.#anyways. sorry for rambling at you i dont have any more tags left lol
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caruliaa · 2 years
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yk i think like. im trying desperately not to depress people around me w how close to doomerism i can veer but like. at a certain point its like. the effort and exhaustion that goes into maintaining just being alive in this world is not worth what comes from being alive and like. girlies we may have reached it. el oh el.
#like obvs its different for everyone like. what i really mean is that i have reached it or like. tht was always inevitably the case#for my life. which ik feels really depressing to say nd im sorry tht it makes ppl sad but idk like. its just true at a certain point#absolutely not from a lack of trying from the good things within my life to be clear not at all like. ik have sm great parts to my life#tht like. just mean so so much to me and im so so lucky to have but as upsetting as it is to say and think abt#at a certain point having to choose between being trapped in a situation were you can never authentically exist or like#have any control over your life and exist on your own terms even in v small ways while having to constantly be around people whove#caused you so much pain and trauma and hurt and being is a situation were like. at best your constantly working to afford living and you#are constantly exhausted by this and have no time for being yourself anyway and at worst you just cant afford anything and you die#and that could happen to you at any point idk like. these are my two options and i cant change anything about that fact#no matter how much i want to and that feeling is just. so so crushing and inescapable and just idk i dont know how to deal with it#like. idk iv done everything to try to but its only ever a temporary distraction#bc the problem isnt fucking like. mental or emotional its the facts of my reality and that cant be changed#so ofc im going to be constantly fucking miserable things just. are misearble#and idk. im sorry tht thts something other ppl have to deal with when it comes to like. knowing me bc genuinly its like.#they dont deserve that its sm pain for somoene to deal with and if that someone isnt. somone whos come to term with what#my fate invetiably is like have ik its too much nd im sorry for like. putting that on ppl i just. idk im sorry#idk what up with me suddnely. i mean i do but like. idk why i cant just hold it together like. this has always been the case idk why#im letting it upset me sm suddenly . ig bc i let myself have hope at some point. like an idiot.#idk im sorry. and its nearly 1am so i think im just going to go to sleep.im so sorry for just. all of this.#lucy if your reading tihs im so sorry for not sending and answering asks but i want to say that i love you so so so much. and im sorry#flappy rambles#vent#ask to tag
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sunsetsimon · 29 days
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oral is a non-negotiable for simon. you aren't having penetrative sex if he isn't able to have you in his mouth first. you have to be prepared - worked thoroughly and loosened up to be able to take his dick. he wants to slide right in with no resistance, your walls practically suffocating him with how tight they squeeze his cock with desire.
you're whining underneath him, begging him to put it in, saying you're ready and don't need to wait but he's not listening. your dainty panties are soiled already, a growing wet spot visible in the thin fabric. he pulls them down slowly, kissing your knee that's propped up against his chest. your slick sticks to the fabric, a line of dribble sticking to your inner thigh as they're removed.
cold air caresses your clit first, an exhale escaping your pretty lips in anticipation.
"'s fuckin wet already. maybe you are ready for my cock, huh, love?" simon mumbles, more to himself than to you. you can only whimper in response.
his thick fingers spread your swollen lips, exposing your wet clit to him, feeling the throb of your heartbeat against his fingertips. you watch with anticipation as he adjusts himself between your legs, licking his lips as he leans down, your feet coming to rest on his shoulders. he gives your clit a soft kiss, a sharp inhale making your body tense, awaiting his next move.
his hands move to grip your thighs, his slick covered fingers spreading your wetness along your own skin, but you're too worked up to feel embarrassed. you mewl as his hot tongue swipes along your entrance back to your clit, sucking it in his mouth as he flicks his tongue quickly against the sensitive bud.
your legs are already beginning to thrash against him, body involuntarily twitching and shaking as he devours you, shoving his tongue into your creamy pussy as far as it'll let him.
"fuck si!" you cry, gripping onto his short blond hair while your other hand braces the sheets for dear life. your hip flexors burn from being forced open, stretched past comfortability as he holds them down toward the mattress.
"tastes so fuckin' good baby," he groans as he pulls back for air, giving your clit a quick slap that has you nearly jumping off the mattress in shock before he sucks you back in, shaking his head side to side as he flattens his tongue on your clit, dragging you past pleasure to pure ecstasy.
two thick fingers shove into you with ease, stretching your gummy insides and curling against that spongy spot within you that makes you see stars. an immense pressure builds within your stomach, a wet squelching sound echoing throughout the room with each thrust of his fingers, fucking you with them hard and fast.
"gonna cum! gonna fucking cum-" you cry, holding his head in place against your clit as your ass and thighs lock, tensed so hard you can feel them cramping but you're too fucking close to care. simon's dark brown eyes watch your face twist, eyes rolling back as he flicks his tongue against your clit just how he knows you need it.
your hot walls grip his fingers as you release, a rush of liquid squirting out onto his face and chest as he continues to finger-fuck you through it, coaxing all of the liquid he can get out of you. black dots cloud your vision, unable to move or control your body, feeling like you're floating.
"thas' good baby," he comforts you, "y'did fuckin' amazing for me."
his fingers slow to a stop, allowing you to catch your breath and your consciousness to return to your body. your heart pounds in your ears, the pressure almost dizzying. "doin' okay, love?" simon's brows furrow, caressing your outer thighs as you slowly pull your shaking legs closed.
"too good," your voice is weak, "can't feel my legs because of you."
he laughs, wiping his chin from your wetness that drips down to his neck, "good. means you're ready f'me. now why don't you get on your stomach for me, little thing?"
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hallowxiu · 9 months
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How the Brothers Would Deal with MC's Mortality
Mammon:
You casually brought it up as a joke
Probably something like “i’m here for a good time, not a long time” or “why should i care what happens in 100 years? It’s not like i’ll be around to care”
Would probably confuse Mammon at first as to why you wouldn’t be around, but he would put the pieces together in the middle of the night when trying to sleep.
A whole, eyes snapping wide opening and flinging out of his bed kind of moment.
Mammon would worry himself sick
Yes, he knows humans can die, hell, he used to mock you for being so frail when you first came to the Devildom, but now? 
Well, now things are different. How he feels about you is different
He's spending all his money on ways to keep you kicking longer. 
Anything he can think of that’ll help, he’s buying it. Vegetables, fruits, protein powder, comfortable clothes, a nice pillow, vitamins, shampoos- anything. He has no idea where to start, so he just starts grabbing everything. 
I mean, something will have to help, right? 
If you notice he looks panicked, don’t point it out, it’ll only make it worse. Unless you want to be smothered to death from his affection and worry, then by all means. ;)
Leviathan:
Look, he can barely handle his favorite anime characters dying, so you? Yeah, no, that’s way too much. 
Nothing actually popped up to remind Leviathan of your mortality, it was because of Satan throwing his books all around the house that did it. 
Suddenly, it was all he could think about. How did he not think of this before? 
Leviathan is no Satan though, and he’s certainly not Lucifer. Researching medical documents and trying to think of things to keep you alive longer are a little over his head. That being said, there were some things he could do.
Leviathan dove into his own research that would be within his realm of understanding, studying that humans who have more positive mindsets and who are less exposed to depressing forms of media, may live longer than the average person. This- this was something he could work with. 
Suddenly, you were constantly being invited to his room, Leviathan having a variety of slice-of-life anime for you to watch with him, all of which had happy endings to boot. If an anime was even remotely depressing, he made sure to keep that out of reach. 
Video games? He’s keeping it safe; he’s not risking anything here. If it’s not similar to Stardew Valley, Animal Crossing, Dreamlight Valley, or The Sims (which must be on a good day), you’re just not playing it. Kingdom Hearts if you’re lucky. 
Satan:
Would do an insane amount of research 
Likely overheard the topic on a news segment about the tragically short lifespans of humans before it all clicked together.
Satan, unlike the other brothers, has never experienced death before, so while it sounds silly, he never had reason to think of you dying.
Looks up humans who had long lifespans to see how he can implement those things into your lifestyle.
Books will be littered everywhere (although that’s not really unusual, but what is would be the topic of said books- The Long Lives of Humans, Human Lifestyle for Dummies 101, The Road to Human Immortality, etc. etc.)
This is when Satan learns just how easy it is for a human to kick the bucket.
Heart attacks, brain aneurysms, strokes, seizures, cancer, the list goes on and on and it’s starting to scare him. He didn’t know humans could just drop dead. 
He’s going to start researching curses to increase your lifespan, or at the very least he’s going to make sure you’re careful as hell. 
You won’t even get as much as a cut without him being aware of it; he’s going to hover around and mother hen the absolute shit out of you. 
Try not to get too annoyed with him though, it all stems from good intentions. 
Asmodeus:
He’ll be damned if his shopping partner for life is going to die on him.
Asmo isn’t stupid; if anything he’s pretty emotionally aware. He's known for a long time just how short the lifespan of humans is.
But still, it came in the form of a nightmare. One where he couldn’t save you, despite giving his best efforts. The way you died was tragic, long before your life should have ended. 
This sent Asmo somewhat into a frenzied state trying to find things to keep you alive once he woke up. 
Vitamins, vitamins, vitamins
Humans benefit from vitamins, right? Surely you’d benefit from Devildom vitamins then. If it’ll increase the lifespan of a demon, he sees no reason why it wouldn’t increase your lifespan. 
Of course, it really only gives you nicer nails and shinier hair. 
He’s 10x more intense with your morning and night routines. 
He will be unloading all his facial creams on you, and telling you the benefits of each one and how it might add a few years to your lifespan. 
You want to stay up late at night to finish homework? Maybe watch a movie? Yeah, no, not on Asmo’s watch. 
Your ass is going to bed every night at 10pm, right along with him. You do realize you’ll be getting exactly 8 hours of sleep each night, too, right? 
Beelzebub:
Regarding his trauma with Lilith, it came as no surprise when he started to fret over your well-being. 
Poor Beel saw an article that discussed how tragically easy it is for a human to die. The cherry on top? How they could die from simply overeating. 
Overeating isn’t a concept Beel is overly familiar with (because to him, it’s never overeating), and while he knew most people couldn’t keep up with his eating habits, he didn’t think it could actually cause harm to a human, let alone kill them. 
Grocery trips are now a more anxiety-inducing event. 
He’s suddenly paranoid that any of the Devildom food could and will kill you. Are you allergic to anything? How would you even know? 
What if one day he serves you his favorite boiled dragonhead and you just drop dead at the dinner table?? No, that will never do. 
There’s a list of Devildom foods that he knows for sure you can have without dying, but then comes the issue of portion control. How much is too much for a human? 
Beelzebub swore he would never lose another loved one again, and it’s a promise he intends to keep. From now on, you will only eat what he deems safe. 
You want to try a new food in the Devildom that you’ve never had before? You better get some seriously good convincing skills if you want him to cave in. For someone who only ever thinks with his stomach, he’s surprisingly stubborn. 
Belphegor:
He’s still plagued with nightmares about Lilith, especially since he still thinks it’s his fault. Tack that on to the way he blamed you and the rest of the human race for it? The man is walking trauma. 
 Like Asmodeus, this was brought on by nightmares about you dying. Different from Asmo’s, however, you usually died by his hand. Naturally, considering your tumultuous history. 
Belphegor, unlike his brothers, takes a different approach. He just doesn’t approach you at all. 
What better way to keep your lifespan long than by staying away from you altogether? 
Is it something that he wants? Of course not! But how can he trust himself to never hurt you again? To never kill you again. 
He can’t. 
So, he locks himself away in his room, sleeping most of the day or just avoiding the areas you normally like to lounge. 
On a normal day, almost everyone in the household, including yourself, would notice this behavior change. However, since you’re now being cornered by all the brothers and their concerns about your lifespan, it’s easy for Belphegor’s absence to slip your mind. 
This hurts Belphegor, but at the end of the day, he believes this is for the best.
Lucifer: 
Lucifer didn’t need a reminder of your short lifespan; if anything, it’s something he’s thought plenty about. 
Lucifer has trauma, we all know that much. After Lilith, he’s absolutely terrified of losing another loved one to something outside of his control.
And your lifespan is not something that’s out of his control. At least not how he sees it, anyway. 
If you thought he was overbearing or overprotective before, brace yourself. He’s going to step it up several notches. 
No excess of junk food, no more pulling all-nighters, no more sitting around the house gaming all day, and definitely no more overexerting your use of magic. He’s no fool, he knows the toll your magic could eventually take on your body. 
Honestly? He wasn’t this bad until his brothers started to panic about your mortality, and though Lucifer told himself he was above such nonsense, he quickly found himself taking all the precautions they were taking (and then some). 
Fortunately, if you find yourself becoming overwhelmed, they’ll be more than willing to listen to you (granted you take some of their concerns into account).
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gayerthanevertbh · 3 months
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good girls have gone… bad?
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summary: her sister has been on your thoughts ever since you became friends with yelena. you two exchanged a quick gaze, and you both wondered right away who natasha romanoff was. sleeping with your best friend's sister isn't such a bad idea, considering yelena left you to spend some time alone with natasha, right? you knew she was way older than you, and you loved that.
warnings: smut, age difference (reader is 21; natasha is 37) blowjob, natasha has a penis, dirty talking, and more - 18+ minors dni
note: i'm back! i'm sorry if i haven't been updating, if i have to be honest i lost interest in this account. but now that i'm back, i think i'll be writing here more often! i apologize if there are some errors with this fic
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“I have to get my report card at uni today,” While I was engrossed in a vlog on my phone, Yelena let out a sigh as she devoured her bag of chips. “Are you okay being alone here for now? I mean, you’re with Natasha. So you’re in good hands.” 
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Your sister doesn’t talk much.”
“She has a day off from work; give her a break.”
I laughed involuntarily. “Even though she’s not at work, she doesn’t talk much. She’ll talk if we want something for dinner or something.”
"I believe she is simply shy," Yelena kissed me on the forehead and said as she got her bag off the couch. “Listen, call me if you need anything. Just hope that I have a signal.”
I smiled at her as she departed, leaving me in solitude within the living room, embracing the tranquility. Yelena and I have been friends since senior year, which I find amusing considering that I have always seen her at school since I was a freshman. It's etched in my memory how she was the one who reached out to me initially, and from there, we embarked on a whirlwind of parties and adventures. Over the course of the past two years, she became the sole person I could rely on. We were supposedly living together at our university, but she mentioned that I could sleep at her place any time whenever we’re on campus since her place was conveniently located nearby. Then, upon encountering her sister, Natasha Romanoff, my heart seemed to come to a halt.
She was absolutely stunning, without a doubt the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on. She had a chic, cropped hairstyle, delicate hands, and a radiant smile that seemed to stretch for miles whenever I caught a glimpse. I found everything about her quite appealing, including her tendency to be more reserved in conversation. I often pondered whether or not Yelena had parents, but she remained tight-lipped on the subject. She only shared with me that from a young age, Natasha whisked her away from their parents and they began their life in New York. Her sister has always been the one supporting them financially, which is why she has been consistently absent. However, Yelena's admiration for her sister knows no bounds.
It was sweet, which made me jealous sometimes. 
As I made my way back to Yelena's room, Natasha emerged from her own room, a warm smile gracing her face.
“I assume Yelena’s not at home?”
I shook my head. “No, she’s getting her report card at university today.”
“Oh,” She let out an exasperated sigh and casually leaned against the wall. “And you? You’re not getting your report card?”
“I already got it; my parents weren’t so proud this time.”
“What did you fail?” She let out a soft laugh, fixing her gaze on me intensely, causing a knot to form in my stomach. I'm not sure if it was positive or negative, but her intense gaze made my heart skip a beat.
“Finance,” I murmured. “I didn’t focus with that subject that much, which I completely regret.”
I heard her giggle again, and it made my heart race even faster. When I give it some thought, I realize that Natasha and I are similar in one area: sex. I don't discuss it with Yelena or my other friends, but I don't feel embarrassed talking to Natasha about it. Although we've never actually done it, we were both flirtatious about it. Natasha usually asks me to come to her room while Yelena is sleeping, where she usually spends her time masturbating at the foot of the bed. And when it was my turn, I would smother my fingers when Natasha expressed her wish to touch me. 
In her bed. 
The following day, we just look at each other as if nothing had happened and don't discuss this. Since Yelena didn't seem suspicious, which I was grateful for, I carried on doing this with Natasha until she eventually became tired of me. I was probably just another girl in her view, someone to be used. She was, nevertheless, to me like the book that I couldn't put down. I was drawn to her and wanted to spend time with her.
I could never acknowledge such a thing.
“I was wondering if...” Her mouth became silent as she walked over to me, smirking, and brushed her delicate fingertips over a strand of my hair. “Maybe you’d join me in our secret affair?”
I snorted. “Affair? Natasha, we aren’t in a relationship.”
"Well, it would be impolite to suggest that we watch porn together or something; you are aware of the subject."
I debated whether or not to do it today because Yelena might return at any moment. I sighed heavily and shook my head because she had not told me what time she would be home. It was a bad idea, because if that turned out to be true, we could be caught.
But it wouldn’t hurt to do this... Right?
“Okay,” I whispered to her as she trailed her fingers on my collarbone. “Take me to your bedroom.”
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“Shit,”Natasha whispered, holding on to her mattress sheet. “That feels so good, baby. K-Keep going; don’t stop.”
I stared at her face, contoured with lust,  and bobbed my head up and down. Considering that her cock felt erect in my mouth, I find it fascinating how much this makes her want to engage. She lifted her hips a little as I licked and sucked on the tip of her dick.
“Good girl,” She whispers, pressing my head farther down as she runs her fingers through my hair. “You like that? You like my cock in your mouth?”
I let out a quiet affirmation as I sensed a certain anticipation on my tongue, observing her eyebrows furrow each time I took her length into my mouth. “You’re so big,” I withdrew my mouth from her cock and caressed her whole length, filling the room with loud, sloshing sounds. “I’ve never done anything like this, Daddy.”
“Oh yeah?” She gently sat up on the bed and slapped the head of her dick onto my lips by grabbing the base of her length. “Open up, sweetheart. I need to cum in your throat.”
Ideally, I would prefer that not to occur. I had to taste her, though, because it was Natasha. Heck, I didn't even give a damn if Yelena was home right now. All I wanted was for this to occur, for her to require my presence. I bobbed my head angrily and made gag noises as I sucked on her dick once more.  
It turned on Natasha even more as I did so. 
“You’re so warm, fuck...” I knelt on the bed as her words faltered. "You're such a slut for my dick, look at you. Tell me, you wanted this, didn’t you?”
More than you could ever know. 
She was probably amazed at my ability to pull off such a feat as she watched me in disbelief as I placed her genitalia into my mouth. The action caused me to cough a little, and I choked on her genitalia right away. And I pulled my head back. She pouted, her whole length smeared across my face as she gripped the back of my head. "Baby, I thought we were just gon' talk dirty to each other."
I whimpered. “I needed you, Daddy.”
“Yeah? You needed me?”
“So bad,” I whined as I kissed her length. “Please don’t stop.” 
“Open your mouth.”
She fucked her cock by pushing it back down my throat. Hard. I throw my eyes back, and Natasha's hips falter as she strikes the back of my throat. She recoils her head. “I’m going to cum down your throat, and you’re going to swallow it, okay, baby? You are so good for me, so so good...”
If I were the only girl in the world, I would do this every single day. However, I was aware that I was probably not destined for her because she was much older than I was and I was too young. People will make judgments; she wouldn't think that of me.
Natasha remained motionless for a few moment before turning to face me with a broad smile. "You feel like you're wet to me?" I moaned around her cock as she reached for my covered cunt and gripped it. "Oh my god! Fuck, keep doing that, baby girl.”
I kept moaning all over her length as she quickly and forcefully fucked my mouth, causing me to gag every time her tip touched the back of my throat. I was her sex toy, and I never wanted to be anything else once she put both of her hands on the side of my head.
“I want to fuck your pussy,” She continued to fuck my mouth like an animal while whispering in a rough manner. “I want to—ugh—I want to rip your pussy apart, especially that throat of yours. I bet you’re so tight, baby. Fuck, I can imagine myself ripping you open.”
Rip me open, make me fall apart. I’ll be anything to you, anything. 
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Natasha drew her length a bit and rolled her hips against my face, her cockhead resting on my tongue instead. “I’m going to cum on your tongue and you better swallow it; don’t waste any drop.”
She was hooding her eyes and idly stroking her dick when I parted my lips wide for her. She glanced at the door once, then grabbed my jaw and drew me in. “Here it comes, baby. I-I’m going to cum—fuck almost there just... Argh!”
She stroked her dick widly as she came onto my tongue. She kept stroking her length, and I had to close my eyes because I could feel some of her semen falling on my face. However, she released all of it on my tongue. Slapping her tip on my face and smearing her length all over it, Natasha let out a long, raspy moan. “You look so pretty in my cum.”
“You c-came a lot...”
With a nod, she reclined on the mattress. "Yes, I did. It's been a while since I've truly done that," she says, continuing to stroke her dick, albeit more slowly. I got up and grabbed the closest towel I could find after realizing that I had to go before Yelena could see or smell the sex in this room. "Are you sure you haven't done that with anyone?"
“I never give blowjobs,” I stated with a small voice as I wiped off my face with a clean towel. “When was the last time you had a girl suck on your dick?”
Natasha was standing in front of me as I turned around. As soon as she gripped my waist and drew me even closer to her body, I felt my breath catch. She let out a long breath and muttered, "You were the first person to give me an orgasm in a very long time, darling."
I chuckled lightly. “I thought you’d never do something like that. With me, at least.”
“You’re very pretty,” She pulls down my shorts, gesturing for me to roll my eyes back as she holds her dick in her palm. “Can I feel you? Just a bit? I just... I want to imagine what it’s like to feel your pussy rubbing on me.”
I gazed into her eyes, taking note of the intensity of her desire. So I lowered my panties to my mid thighs and touched her cock, gently stimulating the sensitive area. We both felt a rush of pleasure as Natasha leaned her head against my shoulder, drawing me in closer to her.
“You’re making me hard again,” She whimpered and pressed her cock against me, causing me to scream quietly. “Oh shit, you are tight!”
“Fuck, Nat—Yelena could go home any minute!”
“Just one minute,” she begged as she looked at me in the eye. “Baby, let me fuck you.”
“Okay, okay,” I whispered and felt myself being pushed against the edge of her desk, her hands hoisting my legs up. “Oh god—”
"God, I’m about to rip you open here,” Natasha spoke with such assurance that it began to pique my interest. I bite my bottom lip as she retreats a little and thrusts back into my cunt. “Let it all out, baby girl. Let Daddy hear you—”
“Y/n, I’m back!”
“Shit!” I exclaimed and pushed her away, pulling up my shorts. She immediately grabbed her boxers and wore them before I reached for the door. “Natasha, she can’t see me like this. Or you like this!”
“Just hide here for a moment,” Natasha led me into her bathroom, responding to my request. I widen my eyes in anticipation, waiting for her next words. “Just for this moment, okay? I’ll handle everything.”
I recognized what I had done as soon as she shut the door. I looked so desperate that I should never have given Natasha a blowjob in the first place. I shook my head carefully, running my fingers through my hair. "What did I do?" Sitting on the floor, with more memories of us playing along in my thoughts, I asked myself. Was I a lousy friend? Would Yelena even accept me if I was?
I don’t know. 
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hehe let me know if i should make this as a story
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