#idk i just feel like i have my life (ok my doctors) built here

[imagineagreatadventure]

Pretty much all of my friends think I should move next year when my lease ends 😩

[idkhow-but-im-here]

OK OK OK OK OK

I finally finished Good Omens season 2 and I have so many fucking thoughts which I will list in no particular order:

The Doctor Who references are always golden. (somewhat related: that part when Crowley was bullshitting about war regulations in front of Shax & co in the bookshop? super reminiscent of Ten’s speedy sci-fi jargon)

The music, as always, fucking slaps, especially at the end of each episode when the theme is played in a related style I love it so much

Nina and Maggie!!! I do really like them as a ship (coffee shop + record shop? that’s a built-in au fic) but I also like how they’re not actually together at the end. I love how they’re so healthy in how they go about their potential relationship, both acknowledging how messed up it was for Aziraphale/Crowley to meddle with their lives and how dumb it would be to rush into something headfirst regardless of all the shit they had been through both togther and as individuals. Also Fuck Lindsay all my homies hate Lindsay, as much as I liked what they did with visualising her shitty messages (the blackboard and crumpled notepad sheets? because of coffee shop reasons and how Nina’s work and love life was suffocatingly forced together by the incessant behest of Lindsay)

<The dancing/ball/Jane Austen vibes3

Beezelbub and Gabriel!?!? When I first came across this ship on ao3 I thought this ship made somewhat sense but would stay in the realms of fanon yet here I am disproven and I can’t lie… they’re kinda cute together. I was caught off guard (like every other character) but fair dues to them. Their parallels with the ineffable husbands are just ughh *chef’s kiss*

^alpha centauri!!!^

Peter Davison and Ty Tennant??? Their appearances did make me giggle for meta’s sake. Perhaps a Georgia Tennant appearance in season 3? (if they make it please please please say they’ll make it)

WAS CROWLEY ACTUALLY RAPHAEL??? I thought it was just a headcanon/fan theory (which I did fall in love with after watching this beautiful animatic years ago) but Crowley having access to classified files and the Metatron mentioning that an archangel being cast out has happened before??? it’s becoming more and more plausible.

AND JUST PRE-FALL CROWLEY IN GENERAL HE LOOKS SO HAPPY all he ever did was ask valid questions goddamnit (literally). nebulae are very pretty I would also be indignant if they weren’t gonna stick around for long. AND THE PARALLEL TO THE FIRST EPISODE WITH THE WINGSSS

Crowley just being a good nice decent person all throughout time (the goats, children, helping out elspeth, ect) it makes me happy

ANDD Aziraphale’s reactions (both positive and negative) to aforementioned deeds create a great moral foil to Crowley and perfectly builds up to what we see at the end (I’ll probably write about s2 Aziraphale in a different post because man I have so many thoughts)

Crowley’s callbacks to the date lunch at the Ritz!! Him talking to Nina and Maggie about taking Aziraphale to the Ritz again to him pointing out the lack of a nightingale (idk if that was leaning into meta a little but it didn’t bother me) just HURT so damn much

“Emotional damage support angel” you’re damn right he is/was

The battery-powered candles lmfaooo and literally any reference to the fire, including the absurd number of fire extinguishers, had me giggling

Muriel is a goddamned (or not so in some sense) treasure, a little ray of sunshine with a heart of gold and dumb of ass. I adore her and found Aziraphale and Crowley humouring her hilarious.

THE SECOND COMING??? I’m sorry wHAT WE ALREADY HAD THE ANTICHRIST NOW WE’RE DEALING WITH CHRIST CHRIST? YOU CAN’T LEAVE US WITH JUST THAT MR. GAIMAN

and of course the bloody

K I S S

THAT WHOLE SEQUENCE OF CROWLEY FINALLY FINALLY OPENING UP AND JUST BEING WHOLEHEARTEDLY HONEST (going against his predisposition and entire NATURE to lie/omit or walk around the truth)

CONFESSING HIS TRUE FEELING AFTER COUNTLESS MILLENNIA OF PINING EVEN AFTER AZIRAPHALE DROPPED THAT BOMBSHELL

AND HALF STORMING OFF BEFORE GOING BACK TO KISS THE SHIT OUT OF HIM AND THEN FULLY STORMING OFF

with aziraphale clearly unsure of how to react BUT STILL TOUCHES HIS LIPS IN SHOCK AS HE WATCHES CROWLEY LEAVE

That shit had me fully standing up on the sofa, arms in brace position, gasping, screaming, close to tears, indignantly repeating “NEIL GAIMAN!” every couple of seconds

Truly a brilliant scene and a brilliant season overall.

As always the cast, the writers, the set designers, the effects artists, the costumers, the camera crew, everyone who had a part in creating go2 was fucking fantastic.

[grahamcarmen]

Hi! I think that you should listen to the song Distant by Tate McRae & Sean Lew and Renegades by X Ambassadors, they just fit Red Crackle so well. Please take the time to listen and understand the lyrics. Thanks.

Ok so i ended up getting it but idk if its in the way you get it you get me but i can’t believe how perfect distant is for them ommmmmmmgggggg

I stay away, cause there's a part of me

Knowing that I need that space to be

Create my path into the unknown

Circle and back into what means most

This totally reminded me of gray choosing to not complicate her life after the whole fiasco as he goes on to make a new path and even reminds me just how getting a forced VILE timeout did end up clearing up his head more to accepting that he doesn’t want to hurt carmen , or even following the VILE route with evil! Carmen did end up with him going. Nope, actually don’t like that. Not worth it. CARMEN! who... is making her own path as we speak and she prioritizes it

I keep a distance, for my own purpose

And I can tell you feel the same

The expectations and situations

Are driving me insane

This batch reminded me of carmen “big oof face” keeping her distance to help protect him in opera and all the weird situations she’s always so grumpy about lol. but also how she forges ahead on path she’s chosen and how they lowkey wear on her [never got a doctor and wow she needs at least one]. Honestly her taking the time to explain to gray why she’s no longer with VILE and asking him if she was seeing it through his eyes, that she wanted him on her side after he gives her personal reasons for returning that she refuses because its not the right thing to do. Only to be greeted by gray obviously not being happy about it. he too has a “big oof” face lbr

And it don't matter cause I push right through

Do you understand I'm just like you?

All the doubts that I have ever had

Were never built to last, that's why we’re distant

I really love how similar they are [have something queued for that but for now just !!!] and that's why they work so well together and end up across from each other so many times anyway. like pushing and being pulled into each others lives. and like all those doubts carmen has that gray cared about her at all because he totally cut her off at first being blown away because he like cleared that up in the himalayas[ i feel like there’s a bit of different context within the song because it flows into being the reason “why we’re distant”? Syntax wise? But that was my first thought] so i guess it could also work with the idea that with the amnesia plot it just wasn’t gonna last with carmen always fearing that VILE was gonna take him away or gray knowing that its not really her [even tho they both want to SO BAD] or even just them working throughout the doubts they've had in their own lives about their own journeys?

It's hard to know if these thoughts are true

If I'm drifting I'm shifting my point of view

Cause I've been told I need to separate

Get away from the crowd and carve my way

….amnesia plots, making their own paths because thats the type of people they are, questioning their paths [carmen on even thinking of giving him a chance and gray on if his way is worth it in the end], eventually breaking away from VILE for carmen, and in carmens case breaking away from her team red leader position for her year off to pursue the past she’s always wanted to know more about, both of them making parallel journeys while peeking at the other to make sure the other is ok? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm reminds me of gray towards the end re-evaluating hmmmm

I keep a distance, for my own purpose

And I can tell you feel the same

The expectations and situations

Are driving me insane

I keep a distance

For my own purpose

That's why we're different

T.T yo they’re always so close and so far ayayso bittersweet that line how they’re different even as the song repeated twice that’s why we’re the same themeing….I’m sooooooooooooooooo they want SO BAD TO WORK TOGETHER AND ITS ALWAYS A MESS

Again i’m spiraling. aaaaaah this is such a good song choice [even if i probably got something way different from it since i’m in rc clipping mode a lot? Maybe? Idk] i do really like how much the song recognizes like similar but different and changing and collateral distance while still being soft if that makes sense? >.< i liked it i mean!

Along with renegades!

I really love the troublemaker vibes overall which fit gray and carmen so well [running wild and free, 2 kids you and me] and the chorus here

[Its our time to make a move/make amends/break the rules

Lets begin]

Both of them are really good songs thank you!!!

[g0ldengubler]

chapter 7~instant crush

A/N: aaaaaa this chapter is so/so???? i guess it gets better at the end??? idk, i’m starting to get back into that “i’m not a good writer” mindset that i was in at the beginning of nauseous. i’m hoping to start writing another chapter super soon! i’m just stuck in rut and it’s showing in the chapters. i’ll work harder to make them better, but no promises. also listen to the song that the chapter was named after here. it’s literally one of my all time favorite songs on the planet lol. ok, i apologize in advance but i hope u still enjoy :)

Category: fluff

CW: smoking weed, mentions of toys and smoking tools and pieces

Word Count: 2680

before you read | last chapter | next chapter

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After what felt like days, you and Spencer had finally made it to your father's cabin. You hadn't been up north in years, all because you were so focused on getting your dream job. Driving down a dirt road, the smell of the trees mixed with rain had you feeling nostalgic, triggering memories of when you were a little girl, reading Charles Dickens under a tree or on the rocky shores of the lake. You couldn't wait to share these new memories here with him.

When you arrived in Michigan, you made sure you got all of your favorite goodies like Better Maid potato chips, Faygo's Rock'n'Rye, Vernors ginger ale, Superman ice cream, and you even made Spencer stop at your favorite pizza place, Buddy's, so you could get your favorite salad and a cheese pizza with light sauce and a crispy crust. He chuckled at how plain you like your pizza, but it was something you and your grandmother shared a loved for. You wanted Spencer to have as close to the Michigan experience he could because while you weren't in love with your home state, the small things you grew up with gave you joy.

The last errand you made before moving up north was to a dispo in Ann Arbor. Spencer couldn't go in with you, so you left him in the car (even though you wanted him to come in with you, he didn't have his card so it wouldn't work). Walking in, you showed the security guard your med card and continued your way through the store. Jars of bud covered the shelves on the wall. Glass showcases were filled with wax. Each strain (no matter what form) had labels in front of them, giving information about it and what it could do to help with any specific problem like joint pains or body spasms. You never really had a preference on what strain was best, nor got too picky if it was an indica, sativa, or hybrid.

You talked with a staff member and asked what they suggested. You ended up getting some Cherry Pie flower, joint papers, hemp blunt wraps, and a mini bbq lighter. Once you grabbed the goods, you headed out to suddenly notice a store that was at the outdoor mall next door. A smile grew on your face as you ran back to the car, set your bag down behind your seat, and grabbing Spencer by his hand and pulled him with you to the mall.

"Silly girl, I thought we were done with the errands?" He asked.

"One more stop," you said eagerly, "I promise. Plus, I think you'll get a little kick out of it."

A small building appeared as you made him stop in front of it. You saw him look up at the sign, looking a little confused. "There's a store with the same name as me?"

"Wait till you get inside." You giggled.

Those who weren't familiar with the store would think it was an edgier Hot Topic, but once you showed him what was in the back of Spencer's, you saw his jaw drop and couldn't hold in the laugh that was brewing in your throat. "Told you you'd get a little kick out of it."

"Well I thought you meant because of the fact it's called Spencer's, not because of all the...toys...they have."

"Are you getting ideas, Doctor?"

He straightened himself out and fixed his sweater. "I cannot confirm, nor deny your question."

"Dr.Spencer Reid," you giggled, slapping his arm softly, "naughty boy."

"Are you getting idea's, Agent L/N?"

You were quiet for a moment. "...maybe." you mumbled.

Spencer just laughs at the little banter you just had. "Let's save it for when we're home. It'll give me time to really think about it."

As you're left there speechless, your clouded mind is interrupted by the look on his face as he looks at the dick shaped candy they had.

"Ok, ok," you giggled, "let me go find what I'm looking for and then my errands are done. I'm ready to just sit back on the couch, put a fire on, and relax."

From there you went to the middle of the store, where you grabbed a green rolling tray with a panda on his back smoking a joint, a hot pink grinder, and a game controller ashtray before going up to the cashier to pay. You then headed back to the car and headed off to the cabin.

The cabin hadn't changed a bit, with its Christmas lights still hung and the skeleton that was sitting on the porch chair. You thought maybe your dad did all this while you two were on your way, but whatever the reason, you could tell that Spencer was already in love with it once he saw the skeleton. You forgot how big the cabin was. It wasn't small like a fairy's cottage, but you could say it was smaller than Rossi's mansion.

The smell of pine needles and fire smoke filled your head with nostalgia as you entered. You dropped your bags and plopped on the couch. You felt at home, and with Spencer, the feeling was stronger than you could've ever felt. You let out a big sigh, smiling as you hold one of the couch pillows to your chest.

"If your father built this cabin, he's the genius not me." Spencer joked as he moved your legs over so he could sit down next to you. He let your legs rest on his lap, rubbing your legs awkwardly, giving you that awkward white guy smile.

"How about you put the bags in the bedroom and then we'll go exploring," you said as you adjusted your position, using the armrest as support, "I haven't been here in years and I'm feeling very nostalgic."

"Sounds like a plan!...um..." Spencer looks around the living room, trying to find the bedroom.

"Oh, sorry! It's straight down that hall on your left." You pointed over to the hallway next to him. Once he saw the open doors to the bedroom he grabbed your bags and sat them down. You got up as he walked to the room and started exploring. You started in the kitchen, looking back on the times you'd bake the most gooey chocolate chip cookies as your dad cooked the family stew. Your father always had a hobby for making food, didn't matter if it was a meaty dish or a beautiful dessert. You thought nothing could beat your father's cooking, and that became especially true when you went to college.

As you were walking to the hall, you noticed Spencer admire the artwork that was hanging on the walls. "Did you know that the first log cabins that were built in America were emigrants from Sweden and Finland?" He asked. "They had been building them for 1,000 years, prior to coming here."

"That's very interesting," you said loudly as I walked to my old room, "I didn't know that." Something you always loved was to listen to people talk. Spencer was known for rambling about something when he should've been keeping it case related. He'd start off with giving them what they wanted to know, but then get so excited that he kept going on. It was something you did, too, but only around those you were comfortable around and that was very rare.

As he continued to ramble facts about the paintings, you looked around the familiar room that felt a bit distant. Your dad had turned your old room into an office. All the bright lilac walls had turned to gray, and your bed with a matching white desk were replaced with a black leather couch and a black, very sophisticated desk. Pictures of the two of you mixed with Red Wing merchandise hung on the walls and sat at his desk.

"Uuuuhh, Y/N?" Spencer called, "you might want to see this!

With a confused look on your face, you walked out of the office and back out to the living room where you see him hold a ziplock bag. Inside was a small stash of something similar that you bought that day.

"Where did you find all that weed?" you asked.

"I was looking at the books on this bookcase and as I took one out to explore further, this fell out with it."

You start exploring on your own. It had to be here. It'd make complete sense.

"What are you looking for?"

You ignore him for a moment before finding it. That son of a bitch.

You show Spencer the glass piece you found, the light in the room making its blue accent glow.

"Is that a erlenmeyer flask?" He asked, looking puzzled.

You couldn't help but laugh at his innocence. "You're cute," you said, "but no, it's a bong! My dad's a sneaker bastard. I never knew he smoked-" you stopped in your tracks for a moment, thinking. "...I don't know how I feel about that information."

Spencer chuckles as you go through your mini life crisis. You notice his eyes then move in different directions. It took you a minute to realize what he was looking at. He would look at you, then look at the bong, then at the bag of weed, and continue the cycle. A grin fell upon your face, making Spencer grin a evil, yet goofy smile.

"Let's get comfortable first," you propose, "I'll heat up our pizza's and grab the salads, you grab the rock'n'rye and then we'll get to smokiiin."

Without a second thought, the two of you rushed to get into pajamas. You both had decided that Christmas pajamas was the way to go with how cold it was going to be. Coming out of the bedroom as Spencer came out of the bathroom, you both laugh at the fact that you pretty much had the same theme going. While Spencer was wearing a red long sleeve with the vintage coke'a'cola Santa Clause, you wore a white fitted shirt with the coke's'cola polar bears on it. Your pants were pretty much the same red and black checkered flannels, but while Spencer wore just regular slippers, you had on Rudolph the red nose reindeer fuzzy socks.

After heating up the pizza and pouring the drinks, your grab your food and went for the couch. You sat it on the coffee table in front of you before grabbing the bong, along with the bag and your grinder. As you began to grind the flower, you looked over to Spencer, who seemed to be really loving the pop through the nervousness on his face.

"Are you sure you want to try smoking out of a bong, Spence?" you asked, "Because you don't have to if you're too nervous."

"No no, I do want to! I'm just getting excited that's all."

"You're ok with your mouth being on the same place mine has?"

He was quiet for a moment. "No spit will be on this," you explain, taking the look on his face as a maybe, "but we have our napkins if you want to wipe."

"Ok, good!" He sighed out of relief.

Once the bud was grounded, you took some out with your fingers and packed it in the bowl, rubbing your fingers together to get some of the sticky stuff off. You then put on some music from you groovy playlist on your phone, connecting it to the bluetooth speakers that surrounded the room.

As you put your mouth on the top, lighting the bowl, you move the flame over half of it, letting Spencer have the other half. You felt eyes burning on you as you took the bowl out and inhaled. You held the smoke in your lungs for a few moments before a cloud formed in front of your face.

You handed the bong and lighter to Spencer, showing him what to do. You reminded him to inhale as he held the flame to the bowl. You watch as he did exactly what you did, copying your movements from memory. When he exhaled, the cloud of smoke was a bit bigger than yours was, you were shocked that he didn't have a coughing fit afterward.

He sat it down on the coffee table and sat back on the couch, letting the sensations take over his body. You grabbed the bong again and took another hit, handing it to Spencer afterward. He surprisingly took it from your hands and took another rip. You ended up doing this a few more times until your grinder was empty. You took the last bong rip, setting it back down and slouched on the couch.

By this time, the munchies had kicked in. You both devoured your dinner in a matter of minutes. But the tingles slowly left your body once you finished, so you grabbed the bong and your grinder again. This time, you took the bottom part off, looking at the leftover bits of the bud that turned into almost a powder form. You then grabbed your bag from the dispo that was sitting on the table next to you, and grabbed the flower you had bought. You took the cherry pie bud out of its container and ground it up.

You looked over to Spencer, who was just feeling the music. He looked very much relaxed, staring at the ceiling fan that hung above them.

After taking a huge rip from the bong, you coughed out a bit as you sat it back down. Without even realizing, you sneaked your way under his arm, laying your head on his chest. He put his arms around you, letting you snuggle into him.

With the light of the moon now being your only source of light, and the song Instant Crush playing in the background, you felt safe in his arms. Nothing could've ruined this moment. All you wanted was him and him alone.

"You're like a beautiful dragon, Y/N." You heard Spencer say.

You look up at him with a confused look on your face. "What do you mean by that?"

"When you exhaled. When I exhaled, even. We were like dragons blowing fire. It was so cool."

He was definitely gone, it was pretty obvious. But hearing him babble on and on about being dragons made you smile and giggle. It was contagious, making Spencer giggle with you, and then you couldn't stop. Your stomach and cheeks were hurting at this point.

Once the giggling calmed down, you looked up at him, as he looked down at you. Without a thought in mind, you both leaned and kissed. Your lips hovered over the other for a moment, before leaning back in, your lips melting together as your tongues attacked the other. His right hand in your hair, and his left cupping the side of your face.

After a minute, Spencer broke away and spoke. "I don't care what we are right now," he said, "we can talk about that another time. Right now, I just want you."

You smiled and went back in. He smiled through the kiss, letting tongue go back to where it belonged.

And there you stayed, kissing here and there, taking a few more hits before you both passed out on the couch, your arms still around the other.

[secondhoekage]

Ignore this long rant I’m high as shit but I... can’t take the hero commission oR HONESTLY THE HEROES THEMSELVES, seriously anymore

They’re BRAINLESS they all share one (1) brain cell and it belonged to Crust. THESE GUYS had MONTHS to strategize this attack and what did they do? They fucked it up. They want me to believe this was planned and not written on a chalk board the night before? Sent out to all heroes the next morning at 8am in a CHAIN EMAIL?

Unpopular opinion(?): they sent the worst possible, ill-suited heroes to each location for this PLF raid and I’m mad at them for it and I’m mad at Hori for making me be mad at it even tho he had to do it beCauSe oF pLot but I’m mad.

The MLA’s plans to take on The League of Villains? Spotless. Chef’s kiss. The detail. The one-on-one counters they planned out. Accounting for each enemy’s quirk. Yeah there were like 6 of them to account for but?? Heroes, yall had enough info and enough time to think of ways to go about this raid and I’m supposed to believe that you did, BUT DID YOU REALLY? MONTHS TO PLAN, and saw one electric Sir Crocodile rip-off and immediately threw Kaminari on his ass. Good move. Kinda. But the rest of the PLF? Heroes just gonna make shit up as they go I guess?? 

To make myself feel better here’s a long ass useless rant on what could’ve damn happened and which heroes should’ve gone where and to make this an epic ass rumble. ugh. Even just doing some of these things would’ve made this arc (imo) feel more... convincing and delicious

under the cut tho bc damn this is too long

In this essay I will—

Edgeshot??? EDGESHOT??    EDGESHOT?? i’M GOING TO GO OFF. 

I swear to shit Edgeshot could’ve soloed the hospital but they had him at the PLF mansion for Some Reason like... like they didn’t make him run up on the League’s bar instead of the Nomu factory bc they knew he would take care of shit immediately. Make it make sense. If he was at the hospital eye just—Nomu in the way?? Doctor running off? Say less. Electric slide all the way in there Shinya. DID NO ONE SEE HOW EASILY HE HANDLED KUROGIRI? Did everyone just forget this man can pull a K.O in .3 seconds flat? Heroes didn’t think it might be a good idea to have him there, ready to give Shigaraki the paper cut of his life the second he woke up (if he even did bc my mans likely could’ve prevented the ‘doctor getting away>high-end awaken>rush to get shiggy out of the tank>shiggy wakes up’ chain of events)? Didn’t think to send him instead of this guy X Less just sitting there with That Look on his face? 

I get they needed heroes like Edgeshot at the mansion to take out a handful of enemies in one go but COME ON NOW. There were more than enough long-range AOE heroes there. And even if you don’t wanna believe he could solo then STILL, EDGESHOT DUOING WITH MIRUKO, ANYBODY? If anyone was gonna keep up with her happy ass zooming into the lab it could’ve been him. We were robbed of an Edgeshot/Miruko teamup and I’m not okay. Could’ve had a sexy ass panel of the hospital-team hyping up Miruko and Edgeshot as they dashed to Ujiko’s lab, two fast as shit bad bitches, zooming through these Nomu, absolutely obliterating them at lightning speed, watching each other’s backs too, PROBABLY SAVING MIRUKO FROM BECOMING THE PRE-DEATH ORGAN DONOR THAT SHE IS NOW. I know it was hot watching Miruko take on these high-ends but I’d have rather Edgeshot share the spotlight if it meant Miruko was in one piece rn. Hori played her

Anyways the literal dumb bitch energy that went into not sending Edgeshot to the hospital is sending me. Could’ve at least let him just be on the team and on standby while Shigaraki was waking up. With those sharp as shit reflexes of his we’ve seen? Shigaraki would’ve been out like a fucking light the second Edgeshot saw him sit up. X-Less you had a nice thicc upper lip that lip was too shaded for you to die, but F in the chat bitch. Useless plot fodder I’m sorry X-Less. There isn’t a hero there right now (besides Aizawa but like... idk, plot is nerfing him) that could’ve incapacitated Shiggy so quickly and prevented the mess they’re in now like my guy Edgeshot could’ve. Feels like a cop out

In conclusion: Edgeshot sweety I’m sorry they did this. I’m sorry you were nerfed. I’m sorry they didn’t let you deliver Kamino Pizza to this hospital. I’m sorry they ignored you and now everyone’s gonna die bc they didn’t they respect your Ninpo rights

CEMENTOSS??? y’all sent him to fuck up the mansion FOR WHAT??? If I were the hero commission and thought :

“Dang we need to completely ass blast this huge PLF resort to make room for our heroes to run in... but it would also be good if we had someone to do that at the hospital too just in case things get tricky and we need to pave a quick way to Ujiko’s secret hideout... but I’m single-celled and can’t weigh my options logically so ok. Cementoss, to the mansion.”

...................... Ok but can I in interest you in PIXIE BOB? I get the mansion is huge but going by the shit we’ve seen her do?? I’m not about to underestimate ol’ girl. I know she could’ve fucked that place up if they let her, switched her out for Cementoss, who could’ve made THE EASIEST route for the hospital team to get into the secret lab, trapped Ujiko, also trapped a couple nomu/high-ends in cement while he was at it, rearranged some tunnels for optimal tactical movement, probably could’ve done a decent-fucking-job at slowing the onslaught of Decay too if it got to that point (AND IT MIGHT NOT HAVE BC THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS RANT IS TO INSIST THAT A BETTER SELECTION OF HEROES WOULDN’T HAVE RESULTED IN SHIGGY’S CURRENT THANOS SNAP ORdEAL)

I know Pixie’s mostly on rescue operations and that’s what she’s doing at the hospital/surrounding city but WHY?? EVEN IF THEY REALLY NEEDED CEMENTOSS AT THE MANSION—WHY NOT HAVE PIXIE BOB DOING SOMETHING IN THE ACTUAL HOSPITAL BATTLE? JUST A LITTLE? The hospital is built on uh.. oh yeah... EARTH? And considering in the Forest Training arc she was using her quirk from a remote location (to make that Earth golem, or whatever) she wouldn’t even HAVE to be IN Ujiko’s lab to be useful

Can y’all PLEASE put at least ONE of your terraforming heroes at the place where y’all REALLY need them?? And not after-the-fact like y’all just did with Pixie Bob? Because clearly she didn’t do shit this last chapter trying to stop Decay. I’m sorry girl. You may be dead. Terrible.

I would have legitimately sent Snipe to get Ujiko before I sent Miruko and that’s that on that. Where is he even? He was there during the briefing but he’s gone? MIA? Idk. No way Ujiko is getting away from those bullets. Target locked: Ujiko’s hand. Fire. High-end Nomu remote goes bye bye. Then another bullet in the leg. No need to worry about him escaping and waking up high-ends/Shiggy when he doesn’t have kneecaps. Problem solved. No way it would’ve taken that long to break Shiggy’s tank either with a few well-placed pew pews zigging around some Nomu (not that we really wanna break him outta his tank bc look what happened). Snipe’s 6/5 technique stat deserves better!!!!!

Gang Orca did not go off and give a bunch of kids brain damage during the License arc to be so thoroughly ignored here. He’s clearly about to get his shit rocked by some gauged-out ex-Hot Topic employee in the next few chapters and ugh you’re TOO GOOD FOR THAT ORCA. COULD’VE BEEN OF USE AT THE HOSPITAL. PARALYZING SONIC WAVES? WE’LL TAKE IT. Who knows if any of the high-end Nomu would’ve been affected by paralysis but the small fry? Probably. Shiggy’s little twink ass? I would bet on it. Not that it would really stop him from using Decay but still

At the risk of sounding like someone I know who endorses child labor (the hero commission) here me out: CAN I GET A UHHH JUZO HONENUKI??? AGAIN YEAH good that he was at the mansion to do some long-range AOE action but if y’all are gonna force kids to join in on this war anyways, put your strongest and most useful ones at the place you need them. Shit it would’ve been real nice if Honenuki was there to trap some Nomu—uncertain if it would work against the high-ends that show some pretty flexible quirks but who knows—and even at the risk of reaching, maybe in some universe where Shiggy and Honenuki face off, it would be interesting to see Decay against Softening, since Decay’s one big weakness is that it can only work on solid objects sooOooOo? Idk. Would’ve been a cool match up but I hate that the kids are fighting anyways so we’re gonna ignore this Juzo rant. Just know it would’ve been cool

And as for the mess that’s going to be this fucking mansion soon... .. We’re just gonna ignore a whole ass Geten, big destructive power, big fucking threat, and not gonna throw Endeavor’s ass in there? Makes sense. They’re leaving it to Shoto I guess. They said time for you to fucking shine kid. Get in there. I mean really trading Endeavor for Edgeshot would’ve been top tier strategy but...

I MEAN THEY?? Made up a whole ass plan to counter ONE greasy-looking PLF guy by throwing Kaminari in there, but they couldn’t make up a plan to counter Geten? Are they just?? Pulling names out of a hat to see who gets to fight who? Did they spin a bottle to see who it landed on? Did Mt. Lady pull the short stick? I swear on shit when Geten starts going feral soon I’m not gonna feel sorry about it. Unless heroes got a plan and someone’s gonna make a sexy ass top 10 anime entrances to counter his ice then I’m disappointed. We went ape shit over Kaminari countering one of the commanders but are we not gonna get anymore ‘I’m your perfect counter and I’m here to stop you’ moments? No? I’M PISSED. 

I would have also settled for my kween Nejire being there to blast away some ice because who tf else is gonna do it? But eh. 

Dabi will also be trouble depending on what he decides to do. He only has about 3 good ideas a month and he’s used them all up by now so he’s in dumb slut territory as we speak. But you’d think that a villain as widely recognized as Dabi with such a destructive quirk would urge the heroes to have some plan to take him on but?? So far I don’t really see anyone quick to take on the role. Not that it’d be that hard bc he’s dangerous but also dangerously dumb. Where is Inasa. Maybe he can just blast the flames back in Dabi’s face. I love him but at this point he deserves to have some of his rights taken away

Don’t even get me start on Gigantomachia. I get the heroes had little choice except to attack before Shiggy was full-power but just?? NOT having a plan in case by some little chance Gigantomachia DID wake up? You stupid bastards. You absolute fools. I guess there’s not much you CAN do but FUCK y’all just gonna let him SIT THERE? No counter measures? No ‘Let’s execute this incredibly thorough and thought-out plan we’ve spent months formulating to restrain Gigantomachia in case he does end up waking up, because better safe than sorry’? When he tramples like 50 students I bet that shit gonna hurt

I hate it all. I was really happy about seeing Shiggy go off 272 bc he’s a king but after rereading from like, 258 I feel... weird. Maybe this will be resolved with more chapters but. eh. Now that I’ve thought of this, I can’t go back. I miss the brain power that was behind the MLA fight

[vierschanzentournee]

Top 5 deaths in the Terror, have fun :))))

you’re a terrible, terrible person <3 these aren’t ranked but a few contenders for me are:

david young. there was just enough blood and screaming to keep me terrified for the whole first episode, i loved goodsir’s increasingly awkward attempts to be comforting, and i think it was very iconic of him to nope the fuck out of there before shit got real.

solomon tozer. I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS ONE! bc tozer spent most of the show being Slightly Evil, or at least aiding and abetting evil (in the form of hickey, obviously) but he finally (finally!!!!) makes a stand against it right at the very end. and he’s so desperate to save his men (yelling at them all not to move) and so very very brave (man walked straight up to tuunbaq holding his rifle!). and i enjoy it because he and crozier are working together, rather than as captain and subordinate, and it costs tozer his life but it helps crozier to survive, and i think that’s very cool! (and ok yeah i AM choosing to interpret it as tozer making a moral decision when he helps crozier but it could equally just be that he’s decided it’s his best chance of survival now that hickey’s clearly unhinged, because i think he more than just about any other character in the show is driven by a simple urge to get away from this all - “we’ll do what we have to do”) (also i just really enjoy his “tommy, give me your gun. i’m the best! shot! here!”)

harry goodsir. i just... god! he’s so obviously beyond caring about the pain he’s in and the pain he’s going to inflict (which is like. can you be a doctor anymore when you can’t care? is that why he has to die now!?), because the world is good and beautiful but the people in it are not, and that’s too much for him to bear. and it fucks me. and i’m also still really haunted by the image of his body laid out on that table, sans ass.

thomas blanky. this was maybe the one that affected me the most throughout the whole thing? i love the way that it illustrates that even there, even then, humans are not beyond laughter and they are not beyond love! crozier is strong for the men; blanky is strong for crozier in that moment where he can’t be. the contrast of his acceptance with crozier’s absolute refusal to allow it, and then crozier’s eventual crumbling, is ridiculously painful, but it means that once we cut to his actual death we can share in his genuine sense of peace and contentment. because it’s alright! it’s okay! he’s got his pipe and his forks and, would you fucking believe it, he’s just found the Passage, and he’s going to die but in the end, that’s cool! it was, weirdly enough, a nice respite in what i found to be the most emotionally intense episode of the show.

james fitzjames. look. i couldn’t NOT include this. truly “the end of vanity” for former pretty boy james fitzjames - no amount of incredibly stylish waistcoat and jumper pairings can save him now. the whole scene is just so ugly and raw. bridgens’ “there will be poems” is so beautifully poignant (although every time i think about it now my brain jumps to “there will be a ten part limited tv series...”) and the... idk, the physicality of the last moments between fitzjames and crozier is. it’s fucking something. i think it’s very fitting that james fitzjames, war hero and dashing explorer and polished liar, has to be physically forced to die, even when it’s what his mind wants. long story short, james fitzjames is Built Different. and it makes me cry.

special mentions to john bridgens (”aw man my boyfriend’s dead i’ll just go lie down on some rocks and Die”), sir john franklin (mostly for fitzjames sticking his head down the hole), and, obviously, jopson (because JESUS)

[elfdyke]

HAHA OK UM. ivy exposition time hehe… come read my thoughts i put down in text for you all to read about what i perceive this fictional woman’s backstory to be (this is a lil more cohesive than my harley one but. YEA)

smal cw for VERY brief mentions of abuse (ivys dad + the joker r mentioned)

Ivy grew up in an emotionally vacant house. Her father was very emotionally abusive + occasionally physically. Her mother was hardly around. This caused her to have to take on a lot of responsibility for herself and basically grow up way sooner than she should have

She put a lot of effort into her schoolwork. She had a very caring and helpful science (either biology or environmental science) teacher, she nurtured Ivy’s love of botany

She got a scholarship to acclaimed college and essentially got a free ride? she worked on the side to pay for any spare expenses.

Woodrue was one of her teachers, he was academically lauded for his work in botany but hadn’t been very relevant in the recent scientific discoveries, essentially he was a big shot who got kind of washed up, but Ivy had studied his research extensively and found him incredibly inspiring.

They end up fostering a very intense relationship STRICTLY focused on their scientific research. (SHES LESBIAN.) They’re trying to prove a hypothesis Ivy’s presented about idfk.. accelerating plant growth. Harnessing toxins certain plants create for their healing properties…IDK I DON’T KNOW SCIENCE <3</p>

Their entire work relationship and all the shit they do feels like going 120 mph down a road the wrong way and she loves it. This is truly the first time she’s had full control over her own life and has someone who actually (as she believes) sees her as an equal and recognizes her intellect.

They end up escalating things because they’re both so desperate to prove Ivy’s hypothesis, and Ivy volunteers her own body for them to test their work on. She refuses Woodrue’s offer because its her theory, so she should be the one to suffer if things go wrong…

WHICH THEY DO. Shit goes sideways and Ivy experiences adverse reactions which cause her to become bed stricken (she refuses to go to the hospital because she’s afraid that the toxins could be extremely dangerous, and doesn’t want anyone to suffer because of her science).

She also tells Woodrue to keep his distance, because she wants him to be safe from it too, and he essentially just ghosts her. She’s upset about it but first blames herself because she feels like she’s done nothing but prove everyone right about what a failure she is.

She starts noticing changes affecting her, and its all kinds of fucked up. I can elaborate on this later <3. But essentially her physiology starts warping due to the green encompassing her, growing up from her hands and feet. I think the green parts of her body are cool to the touch, have a plant like texture, and MAYBE? Have plant cell structure ingrained in them vs animal cells.</p>

Also, the green initially starts slowly spreading up her body but she’s able to halt its progression, in order to lose herself completely (think of the kinda deal in annihilation, instead of sexy green plant lady ivy).

She catches wind that Woodrue had HER research published and is taking full credit for her hypothesis, without naming her whatsoever, and it essentially breaks any semblance of humanity she had left.

At this point she’s kind of crazy powerful and can control plantlife as we all know and love <3 She figures out that Woodrue is having a conference where he’s holding some kind of really important lecture on ‘his’ hypothesis, and plans to unmask his deceit in front of the entire scientific community. </p>

She also discovers that he’s warped her discovery from something she wanted to benefit humanity and the environment, to something to gain profit from, essentially going against everything she believed in.

She bursts into the conference and when she sees Woodrue, she essentially blacks out and next thing she knows she’s essentially pulled a Carrie…. NOT EVERYONE DIES!!!! But its brutal and fucked up and she 100% absolutely slaughters Woodrue and makes an example out of him. This is the point in her story where she officially loses any chance she had of her past life as Doctor Pamela Isley.

She uses his desecrated corpse to warn everyone in Gotham, in the world, that the green has woken and will no longer stand by and be desecrated by humanity.

Ivy does a lot of work trying to collapse industries that harm the environment across the world for a while but it’s also hard for her to much alone, and she almost gets bested a few times @_@ She’s absolutely a formidable threat, but she’s also one person with a massive weakness to fire

She ends up slinking back to Gotham to recover after a particularly nasty encounter

Something abhorrent happening in Gotham catches her eye and she can’t stop herself from making an appearance and attempts to wreak havoc before ultimately getting caught and shipped to Arkham for her “extremist beliefs”

Dr Harleen Quinzel is paired with her for weekly meetings.

Harley realizes very quickly Ivy is most certainly Not insane and repeatedly tries to get it appealed, but no one will listen to her. (Ivy was locked up in Arkham specifically bc of her environmental activism/terrorism)

Ivy’s very snide at Harley at first, looking down on her for being so bright eyed and bushy tailed about everything. She’s very much bitter about how she’s repeatedly been wronged, and always cast as a villain despite her believing she’s doing what she can to save the earth.

Ivy and Harley argue about if women can ever achieve anything in this world, the way its built. Harley says she’s sad ivy feels that way but knows she’s going to make a difference. She’s different and she’ll change things.

Ivy doesn’t entirely believe her but seeing someone so downright full of life and hope really does spark something in Ivy that never really dies down.

Eventually Harley gets reassigned and taken off Ivy’s case. They didn’t have a lot of time together but I think that Harley makes a worthy impact on Ivy. This is also before Harley has interacted much, if at all with the Joker

Time passes, Joker’s manipulation ensues, Harleen becomes Harley.

Ivy sees Harley Quinn during a run in with the Joker but doesn’t recognize her at first.

Until she speaks.

Ivy gets hit with a wave of nausea upon realizing how Harley’s fallen from the proud and bright girl who was sitting across from her in Arkham.

After that she uses the green to try and keep tabs on Harley and one night after a particularly bad beating, Joker kicks Harley out and Ivy manages to swoop in and rescue her from near death.

ALSO, IMPORTANT! Ivy struggles a lot with her disgust toward humanity vs her desire to protect Harley. It’s the reason it takes her a while to actively seek a hurt and broken Harley out and rescue her. (she resents herself a lot for not acting sooner, when she realizes how extensive Harley’s injuries are)

TOSSING THIS HERE . about Ivy’s sexuality. I can’t see her ever really opening herself up to any romantic relationships any time during her school life. She’s very driven and focused on her studies and her research. She never really gave her attraction to anyone much thought, so I think that she just expected she would never feel attracted to anyone? Until she meets Harley. I think that meeting Harley kind of opens her eyes like. Wait I can feel this? I deserve this kind of love? With a woman?… she has to work through some shit but she is a big lesbian in love with her weird little clown girlfriend

um i think thats all hehe…. i have more but i kinda wana write a fic about harls and ivy getting together from my interpretation so…… TUNE IN NEXT TIME <3</p>

[brewing-mischief]

You know I'd really like to read a deh fanfiction where Connor and Evan run into each other really hard, get knocked unconscious by the force and then wake up in the hospital in each other's bodies.

The doctor's say they both have amnesia since they're all "who are you people" to their 'families' and cant seem to remember their names.

"What's your name"

"Evan...Hansen?

"Evan is fine, he came in with you and is talking to a doctor right now. What is YOUR name?"

"Ummm....?????"

The boys figure out they switched bodies but dont say anything to avoid looking more crazy to their families. I think itd be cool to read about how both of them get a little taste of what they need.

Connor gets to go to therapy (Dr.S is assuming that the amnesia is the reason Evan has gained a different personality. Thinking that since he has forgotten his trama his brain has built a new personality off of different core memories creating an Evan that is less full of anxiety? Idk I'm not a psychologist. Im thinking later Connor would slip up revelling to much of his actual life which leads Dr.S to believe that Evan has DID and that Connor is a new personality formed from the incident. He would think Connor's memories are actually a creation of a world Evan would have liked. His parents still being together-even though he knows it wouldn't work out in the long run which caused the 'dream' to go dark. Connor is like "I have no idea what you're talking about but if your chill with dealing with me I'm good" Dr.S continues to treat Connor as though 'Evan's fantasy' AKA Connor's real life is reality because he believes that this 'fantasy' is holding Evan dormant.) <- [This of course is just DR.S's psychological interpretation. Realty is that its just a bodyswap. However if you like that theory of Connor actually being a personality of Evan go right ahead a write that. I'm not stopping you]

Connor also gets to eat normal food like Pizza and tacos and anything that isnt some weird Vegan fat-free mess Cynthia makes

Connor gets he's space. Hes not constantly beaten down on by his parents for every step he takes. Heidi is incredibly chill. She's very worried about his well being but shes not invasive like his parents are who just want to tear him down. She continues to reiterate that she loves and supports him which allows Connor to slowly drop his walls.

With these supports in place Connor slowly begins to stop smoking/cutting (I have a feeling he may have also stopped at the begining because he respects the fact that this isnt his body and doesnt want to damage it but it is HARD) however most of his needs to cut/smoke are in his head. Which is awful because addiction is hard to quit. But he doesnt have to deal with physical withdrawal symptoms. (Headaches, nausea ect.) Which helps

Connor also stands up to Jared real quick so Jared learns to get his priorities straight or he finds himself left behind

Evan on the other hand has a whole family unit. He finally gets attention 24/7 which is great. Larry is a little harsh with him because hes Connor but it's less than usually since 'Connor' has no idea what hes talking about and doesnt give him a fight anymore. Cynthia is constantly hovering over him with scrapbooks to jog his memory. Zoe just tries to keep her distance but shes always in the background just staring at him trying to figure him out. The whole family is serriously just thrown off about how nice/figitty 'Connor' is. He's tripping over his words and apologizing as much as he breathes.

Evan does go through Connor's physical withdrawal because Evan is not about smoking. He suffers. The first day he keeps craving something but doesnt know what. He tells Cybthia who tries to help him match/satisfy it but nothing works. The next couple of dayd hes serriously sick/agitated. That's when Larry realised 'Connor' is going through withdrawls and is like "oh wow. Ok" and he starts being nicer. He is still somewhat stuck in the "what does it matter, Connor is going to go back to normal soon enough and it wont matter what he does right now" but Evan is being the perfect son so he cant really stay angry. He actually begins to bond with him again.

Evan just gets attention. He gets to sit down and have dinner and talk with people. He gets that family support hes been craving. He doesnt have to worry about being a financial burden because the Murphys are loaded

Evan would probably try to get close to Zoe but she pushes him away like nobody's business. Eventually she would cave and mabye do his nails or something but something about it feels off. Connor likes doing his nails and rn 'Connor ' seems to be very against the idea because "nail polish is for girls, what if people see it and think I'm a freak ect." So now shes even more suspicious about this whole amnesia thing. It wouldn't change her brother this much, would it?

Idk how Evan would think about everyone at school. Because they see him, they notice his existence but it's mostly out of fear and hatred. I feel like that would leave him a little bit panicked.

Anyway, after a week or two Connor goes over to his house to visit Evan and see how everything is being managed. Zoe sneaks a peek on them and notices something. Shes met Evan once or twice before so she didnt really make the connection until now when she can see them both. But 'Connor' is behaving like Evan, and 'Evan' is acting like Connor. Something is definitely off. She confronts them and without much of an argument to steer her off course they eventually give in and tell her what has been going on. She joins their team of figuring out what happened, how to go back and later in the story where the climax drama happens IF they should go back.

The IF drama is basically both parties know they have to go back but also dont want to....

It's just, Connor likes the freedom and trust Heidi gives him. He misses his sister but he also whitnessed his parents loving Evan more than they ever did to him. And that makes him furious because that means he was/will never be good enough for them. He takes this out on Evan since he knows Evan likes his family. He feels like Evan stole them from him even though he knows that's not true.

Evan wants his mom back. When he goes to visit 'Evan' hes a complete stranger to her and that hurts like hell. Plus He doesnt like being hated at school and furthermore he needs his therapy again. But the Murphy family is just so perfect. He has a father figure and a Mom whose always around and Zoe (who has become less of a crush through the experience and more a friend) and he doesnt have to listen to Jared being mean to him/claim they only hang out for car insurance. He has a strong support unit here and hes become more confident from the love they feed him.

So it's just this complicated mess of emotions.

I dont know how it would wrap up since they both have to go back but I think itd be really great to see these boys get better because their circumstances/situations switch. After all Tragedy is only a tragedy becuase the hero is in the wrong story. (I think I read that in a post talking about how Macbeth and Hamelt would have ended happily if only the two main characters were in each others stories since Macbeth would have killed the uncle real quick well Hamelt would have stopped to think instead of jumping in feet first. They made a good point and I want to apply that theory to this story)

Anyway those are my thoughts. Tag me if you write it

[blacknovelist]

sup ok here’s the promised details on uhhhhhh All for One in @guardianlioness​‘s and I’s Ageswap Mess, formed by collaborative headcanon jamming on discord and then roughly paraphrased via a run thru the unfortunate Quadruple Lengthening Filter that’s built into my brain bc I’m incapable of being brief.

(something of an expansion on this post and this ask. Nooooot spoiler free, actually pretty spoilers, idk, will pop it under a readmore bc who knows how long I’m gonna go on also)

ALSO!! I can’t at u but @randommly-passing-mia u asked forever ago about Toshinori and AfO’s relationship in this AU and i answered what I could then but I’m pleased to announce this goes more into that bc I knew Very Little back then. :)

So, All for One! Now, I feel it appropriate to note that the previous post I made regarding the history of OfA in Ageswap, as well as just about everything I’ve posted abt AfO and OfA for Ageswap (except for the linked ask above, obv) was made before the arc with the League of Villains and Shigaraki’s backstory all came out. Now that we’ve got some of those contexts, we can go a little further in fleshing everything else out, which we did, a little, today.

Pls keep in mind that Ageswap’s goal is not and never has been to make a direct 1:1 translation of adults to kids and vice versa -- good lord we’d have a lot of empty spaces if we were doing that. So, uh. Anyway. it’s time for “we make a mess of the characters and also the timeline and the plot because it’s Our City Now”

Student AfO is a different creature to small Toshinori of our au. For the purposes of this post we’ll call him AfO, because while I’d love to just jump into referring to him as Shigaraki there’s a lot of confusions that lie down that road. Also, again, we’re calling mr heckhands mcmike Tomura, because Shigaraki is a name with Weight.

Because canon parallels, Ageswap AfO has a little brother who we’re making Kyudai Garaki/the Good Doctor and also quirkless for our purposes (whether he’s AfO’s biological brother is up in the air, we haven’t settled yet). Garaki has something of an intense obsession with quirks, constantly studying and doing research, not unlike Izuku, and the age gap between him and AfO is... about six years. Now, because AfO had already manifested a quirk of his own and that quirk had fearsome potential, One for All was originally going to be passed on to his brother, because before Ageswap Izuku, OfA had strictly been handed down to trained members of the family.

Tomura was a member of the group that had, through the generations, been working to fight against the users of One for All. To hit them where it hurt, he attacked Izuku’s mentor’s (we’ll call them the Mentor) home with a group of League fighters. When he found out there was a quirkless boy, and a second one who was all but quirkless for all that he’d been told to avoid using his own powers, he quickly took them in under the League’s wing -- both in an act of cruelty against OfA and out of some misguided sympathy for the boys.

The fearsome thing is the toxicity of the relationships Tomura formed with the League, and eventually with the boys. He meant well, when he took them in, but whatever this version of him went through... well, just about all his relationships are some level of manipulative and unhealthy by default. See: his tendency for physical closeness and being tactile, as mentioned in the ask.

He’s firmly of an opinion along the lines of “if you’ve got the power, and you know you have the power, and you’re not using it to do whatever you can or want, then why do you even have it?” and, for all of AfO’s childhood, Tomura tried his hardest to share this with AfO and sway the kid to his side. With the Mentor having dropped off the grid and abandoned the Shigaraki name in grief, AfO and his brother had nowhere else to go, but AfO was a smart and cautious kid: he couldn’t just listen without a fight, or a reason.

(AfO didn’t know Tomura meant to kill them, that he attacked their home on purpose. When he eventually finds out, he firmly believes Tomura meant to save them)

But Tomura’s persistent, and he doesn’t stop, and eventually he points out: if All for One is a quirk that allows him to take and give quirks, does that not mean he can seek out the perfect quirk for his little brother? All the reasons he’s suffered, AfO has the power to fix that.

That’s the thing that sways AfO to their side, that convinces him to stay with the League and learn under Tomura. Because if it’s for family, isn’t it worth it?

(AfO sees Tomura as a teacher, as a friend, as someone beloved and important. Shigaraki was AfO’s name, but it can be Tomura’s too, if Tomura wants. Then everyone knows they’re family. And Tomura accepts it -- another spit in the face of an enemy, a welcomed token from a beloved student. Shigaraki is a good name for the rest of the world to use, but Tomura, Tomura is a name for the League and the League alone.)

AfO tries, at first, to find other quirks for his brother while he trains, while his brother studies (while Tomura tries to sway Garaki to their side also, because look at what you know, what you could do with that knowledge, combined with your brother’s quirk, you’re so young and so so smart-). OfA is gone beyond the League’s sight, in the hands of the Symbol of Peace, so there’s no point on dwelling on it, really, surely another quirk would work better?

But then One for All comes back around, in the hands of this blond... nobody. His brother’s quirk, running around in a stranger. AfO continues to hunt potential quirks down for his brother and his brother’s studies, but he has a new goal: to try and claim OfA back and give it to who it really belongs to.

the problem of course being that he can’t take it by force like every other quirk, and killing Toshinori would merely render it lost forever.

Essentially, AfO’s primary grudge against Toshinori is the fact that he’s the current bearer of a quirk that, in AfO’s eyes, should belong to Garaki. And Toshinori’s quirklessness, or past quirklessness... is easy to know when you know the secret of One for All.

Some good stuff gets said abt AfO vs Toshinori in this answer here I think, and I’m drawing on it: Toshinori’s more instinct and heart to AfO’s logic and strategy. That’s not to say, obv, that neither of them draw on the other quality, but it’s what stands out most to me about the two of them and just, kind of their general dynamic (or at least, that’s how it seems).

USJ was a subtle message laid beneath a louder declaration. Two-for-one, if you will. “Wouldn't it be so nice to have a quirk that fit better in your hands? that didn't fritz or go funky whenever you so much as turned your head? A quirk you might not even have to coax and strain and train and change your body for?”

But AfO does not confront Toshinori until much later, until after the sports festival. See, the mall incident in this AU is a scene on bargaining.

He confronts Toshinori at the mall -- his face is not known, and it’s a simple matter to pull him off to the side. But there won’t be fighting here today. No, he only came to talk.

Questions, first. About Toshinori, his experience with One for All, what he thinks of other people’s quirks. About what it was like for him, growing up quirkless, left abandoned by so many people for it. Eventually, his conversation circles back around. I have a little brother. He’s quirkless, just like you. You know what he went through, what he suffered.

All for One even did his research, is even willing to play by rules closer to Toshinori’s own: tucked under his arm is a folder, with lists upon lists of people. Villains with sentences for life, villains under the death sentence, people who would have no life of returning to the world ever again. People who don’t have a reason to use their quirks any longer. People for whom it wouldn’t matter if he took their quirks anyway. “Take your pick,” he offers Toshinori. “I’ll give you whatever quirk you’ve ever wanted. I’ll even take it from a villain so none of your precious civilians have to suffer the loss — but that one belongs to my little brother.”

And, well. We all know he says no.

Why would Toshinori hang onto a quirk that isn’t even his? All the people out there, bearing the quirks that his brother and even his greatest enemy were robbed of at birth, and AfO has the power to grant both Toshinori and Garaki the power that they’d dreamed of, that belongs to them. He knows what it means to suffer without a quirk. Why won’t Toshinori let him fix that?

and idk specifically what Toshi would say, but I think it’s something along the lines of “no one asks for what they're born with or given, but we make the most of it anyway. That's how we're supposed to live.“

Anyway Toshinori and All for One hate each other SO fucking much but. Unfortunately, also just kind of Get Each Other on some level. Like, they despise one another but also, if there’s one thing they can believe in, it’s that the other will always Be The Way They Are. Friendly Enemyship, if you will.

There’s some level of pity that AfO also holds on the percieved coldness of Toshinori’s relationship to his mentor, Izuku. Izuku is... really awkward, in his relationship with Toshi, and while Izuku loves his student very much he has a hard time showing it -- and Toshinori thinks so poorly of himself, it’s hard to grasp how close they are from the outside sometimes. AfO totally tries to recruit Toshinori to their side, even after he figures they’re Tight and also even though he knows Toshinori won’t ever say yes. Like, he hates the guy, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t be a kickass ally.

Tomura would like Toshinori and AfO says as much to his face. “You’re more like him than I am, anyway. You can act without overthinking. And he wouldn’t care if you were quirkless. He doesn’t with my brother.”

(Toshinori hates that. He isn’t, he isn’t he isn’t like him at all.)

Tomura has also more or less promised AfO that, at the end of his lifespan, his student should take on Decay. AfO, of course, doesn’t want that and is on the hunt for a good longevity quirk to give to his mentor

In the end, the way All for One is kind of being played in this AU is something not so far off from Anakin Skywalker.

In Lioness’ words:

Noble in his desire to keep his family alive

But horribly misdirected

[drmazel]

Ok, secrets in return.. 6, 10, 15, 17...

ooh a lil secret exchange...... like little kids at a slumber party..... love this energy

6) how is your life different now from two years ago

hmm.... july 2018.... tbh not a whole lot has changed since, then, graduate school has a funny way of being all the same all the time. but i can think of a few... 

school/job-wise, i became a doctoral candidate in june 2018 which was just over 2 years ago and that was cool, and my research was finally published in december 2019 which kicked ass. actually the project that was published wasnt even finished until october 2018 so i guess that too. my mentor and i have developed a really great mentor/mentee relationship that i attribute a good amount of personal growth to, bc for like the first time in my life i have someone actively helping me quash a lot of self doubt.

personal life-wise, hmm... in october 2018 i had the plate in my knee removed bc it was severely impeding my recovery and making it hard to walk. i figured out how to sit down on the floor and get up from the floor and go up and down stairs one at a time with a railing, then without a railing, learned how to crouch about halfway to normal, built up my stamina to stay standing for about an hour with minimal discomfort whereas before i suffered if i stood for 10 minutes. the girl that almost killed me was finally arrested and convicted and put in jail which doesn’t fix or reverse anything but still felt like some kind of justice. 

and then personality wise i am just a little less afraid of getting things wrong. still terrified and still impacts my life, but i am able to give things a shot instead of dismissing them outright. led to me finding out i’m pretty good at some stuff i otherwise never would have tried. i’m also a little less afraid of asking for help or setting boundaries. therapy has that effect i guess. 

i’m also way more long-winded than before, i feel like, as presented here. oops. i also feel like i’m much more forgetful and scatterbrained than before. not sure if it’s from stress, or a natural progression of taking on more obligations and learning how to balance them, or a long term side effect of having who knows what pumped into me for a month straight three years ago. maybe all three?

10) do you believe in ghosts

nah. i don’t really have a wordy explanation as to why i don’t so you get a break from the wall of text from the previous question.

15) what is your favorite memory

questions like this are hard bc i have a pretty bad memory and favorite memories only come to me when i encounter something that reminds me of it? it’s really hard to call upon specific memories. but i’ll at least try to think of a nice one from recent memory, i’m sure it’ll be far from my favorite but that’s okay. 

hmm... oh actually my most recent birthday (abt 2.5 weeks ago) was really really nice? nothing super special happened; i got up, i went to work, i went home and bought myself an ice cream cake and video called my family. but throughout the day i had more people wishing me happy birthday than i ever had in my life. i’m a fairly active member of the rq official discord and i had no fewer than 2 dozen people immediately send happy birthday messages if they caught the implication from someone else (maybe more, that server is huge and it’s hard to keep track). and i’m in another, smaller server (you may be familiar uwu) where i’ve pretty fairly recently gotten to know a new group of people that seemed to pretty quickly welcome me into their friend group and i got some really nice birthday sentiments there too. and then at work i didn’t even really tell anyone it was my birthday, but i’m friends with one of my lab mates on facebook and he must have had birthday notifications on because he came by and wished me a happy birthday

obvs the last few months have been really isolating for just about everyone, but tbh it’s been especially hard for me bc i don’t really have many friends to begin with and definitely like no friends in my home town so my minimal social contact of like just small talk at the store and only having real conversations with coworkers being taken away has had me fairly down? but apparently over the past few months i have slowly been submitting myself to the mortifying ordeal of being known, even just a little bit, and reaping the rewards of being loved in return, no matter how small, felt really nice and made it a really special day uwuwuwuwu

17) what ‘small things’ things terrify you

i know i have some intangible existential fears that would definitely seem trivial to some people but see above point about having a really hard time calling upon specific memories, and also i’m in a good mood so i’m not gonna try too hard. but off the top of my head two silly weird fears i have are 1) heights and 2) having people around me start singing. 

1) i know heights are a very common fear/phobia but you don’t understand. i’m talking “i will literally freeze in place if i try to step onto this 4-inch stepstool, like seriously my conscious mind will not be able to lift my second foot onto the step, like it’s bolted to the ground” PETRIFIED of heights. i cannot stand on anything my brain perceives as not-solid-ground. this means i’m actually okay in airplanes and things like the st louis arch. i actually love that shit, i’ll look down at the ground and enjoy the view all day. but the second i have a single doubt about my ability to stay upright, fuck the fight/flight/freeze response. we are on 24/7 freeze/freeze/freeze response LOCKDOWN.

2) i’m talking flash mobs, i’m talking karaoke night, i’m talking people singing happy birthday to me. the idea of it puts me in “find an escape” mode, and being in it gives me the worst second-hand embarrassment ever, even if it’s all in good fun and there’s no reason for anyone involved to be embarrassed. this extends even to movie musical numbers (i actually skipped the scene in the tavern in disney’s tangled bc it gave me weird anxiety) and shit like hearing someone i know from another medium begin to sing (this is why it took me so long to check out the mechs and also why i cannot listen to recordings of friends singing as much as it would mean a lot to them for me to do so). idk if there’s a name for this phenomenon or if i’m the only person on the planet with this weird almost-or-maybe-complete phobia.

[isagrimorie]

@glompcat

replied to your post

“I was listening to “Talking Who to You” and their review of Diary of...”

They sometimes almost seem to have a hint of an interesting idea to explore with her in that regard, but then since they refuse to actually examine these things just abandon it. Like in Legacy of Time, when Benny started to question what River really *means* when she talks about being married. Or in Eight of March's Emancipation where River expressed envy for two seconds that Leela lived on Gallifrey with her Time Lord husband. Which also opened up the fascinating whole subject of how much River really knows/understands. She studied the Doctor, she learned about them and their friends from academic texts and third and fourth hand accounts. She clearly doesn't actually *know* most things, and I wish we could see more of her coming up against the fact she doesn't actually understand everything, that she is clinging to these assured ideas and yet the reality of the situation still surprises her etc

Instead of like... constantly needing to write stories where River's odd view is affirmed as right. Like in Emancipation she comments that she understands Time Lords just as well as Leela, and that just... continues to stick out to me. Because obs Leela didn't challenge that as she had no idea who River was, which meant that just went on by without comment and just... confused the shit out of me. She isn't a first hand expert and authority on everything. She's an academic, an archaeologist. She's still never met any Time Lords other than the Doctor and the Master, and most of what she knows is based on a lifetime of academic study. That *could* lead to hilarious misunderstanding/vulnerability in her stories when she does have to meet up with the Doctor.

Oh man. Yes, those two stories! 

I was especially disappointed with the Legacy of Time story with Benny when it suddenly became ALL about Eight. Here are two awesome women, who are so similar to each other and all the writers could think about was put Eight into the story. 

And then doesn’t even delve deeper into it. I figure Benny’s expression the whole time was mildly confused and ‘seriously?. 

And you bring up a good point! For the longest time all River knew about the Doctor is what Madam Kovarian taught her, she is an academic! Also, of all people to say she knows Time Lords as much as Leela... who has lived with Time Lords, and not just one outlier renegade Time Lord. 

I was also pretty annoyed with majority of the story until the last part but man, I really need a writer to really push more into River’s story and dig deeper. They could go for a more comedic effect with it too! 

 It certainly would be a more interesting thing to explore than jokes about how because she's married to the Doctor it is magically ok for her to strip them naked and have her way with them when they're unconscious, like we got in the boxset where she met Five. Which was just... such a rollercoaster for me as it is the one where she gets to confront Kevorkian! 

Oh. God. That boxset. 

I know what you mean. I was so uncomfortable, and clearly Five didn’t know what was going on nor did he want to participate with anything River was trying to initiate. 

It also goes to my point of -- just because The Doctor married her, doesn’t mean it travels back to the Doctor’s other lives. I can maybe accept this up until Eight because he straddles the line of Pre- and during Time War, the catalyst that changed the Doctor into the person River fell in love with. 

Moffat might be all into the Time Traveler’s Wife story but I’m a firm believer of ‘right time, right place’. The Doctor pre-Time War isn’t the exact same person that becomes the post-Time War Doctor/Post-almost recovery Doctor who falls in love with River. Pre-Time War Doctor isn’t ready to fall in love with River, the Doctor has a whole life before River, a whole family before River. Just as much as she should and does have her own life outside of the Doctor, the Doctor had a whole history before River. 

Yet even there, when Kevorkian is there and they are literally inside a copy of River's childhood bedroom there was no real grappling with what it means that River studied the Doctor-as-monster her whole youth long that she was training to kill them literally every day of her childhood, and yes, somewhere along the way things changed, so what happened, when did she start to see the Doctor differently, and what misconceptions does she still carry with her from her earlier studies and how do they inform how she sees the Doctor's actions/their relationship now? 

I can only nod here, because like I mentioned in the post, I wanted to know when exactly did River really fall in love with the Doctor and not just the idea of the Doctor or the things she knew about him? When was the first moment that didn’t have to do with any of those things did she realize she’s in love with him, for realsies? 

When she meets these people who knew the Doctor like Benny or Leela (or Susan or Ian or Barbara etc except I haven't heard that box set of Diaries yet unlike the others) how do their impressions contrast with her own? 

Not to harp on about that one off story too much, but it stood out to me due to its obvious positioning as both written and directed by women, but I do think about things like how in The Eighth of March Emancipation she kept insinuating that the Doctor mainly kept Leela around for eye candy and how that showed this MASSIVE lack of understanding of Four and what he was about and it really fascinates me, like what does it mean for an Academic to literally fall in love with the subject of her studies? Particularly an Archaeologist whose field is built on piecing together desperate remnants to create an incomplete idea of a whole? Like if her stories must all culminate in being about the Doctor (which based on some things said in Vortex I think may have been part of what Moffat told them to do with her) 

‘Like if her stories must all culminate about being about the Doctor’ AUGH. This is so frustrating. Especially the part about what River’s insinuating about Leela, who is awesome and fantastic. I mean, isn’t enough she still gets called Savage in Gallifrey? And River has to pile that on top too. Thankfully this rolls off of Leela, but honestly, that was uncalled for. 

why not actually explore how and why she reached the conclusions she did in Husbands of River Song, which is of course always in her future? It's set after all of these adventures we listen to, so why not - if a Doctor plot is needed - focus on how she reached the conclusions she did there if that speech was sincere? 

THIS THIS THIS.

IDK. There is so much they could explore with her but they just don't seem willing to challenge her... authority? In a way that ultimately undercuts her, because she is constantly positioned in a mold that removes any actual work needed to gain information/the upper hand/her level of skill. So rather than being the result of hard work and effort, it's just... how it is. Which de-powers her. IDK, I kept trying with Diaries I really did, but it actually was the one with Tom Baker in it that made me give up.

“they just don't seem willing to challenge her... authority? In a way that ultimately undercuts her, because she is constantly positioned in a mold that removes any actual work needed to gain information/the upper hand/her level of skill.“

Yes, this, exactly! It’s like the writers are way too afraid to handle River with anything but reverence and care. And for a story to work, characters shouldn’t be handled like they’re made of glass! 

In the end, what happens is, it feels like the stories are all telling not showing. 

The start of it (Diary of River Song boxset with Four), long before the story with the Doctor in it, had people who knew her as students at Luna University in it, and the way the story dealt with them and their relationship to River, it was honestly insulting, not just to the characters but to anyone who has ever been in graduate school. Like they kept fundamentally refusing to either understand or care to understand what being in an Academic institute means. By claiming it was all so easy for River and removing the effort and skill needed, they are de-powering her PhD. By making the other students all so incompetent in comparison to her, they are again... - her PhD. Hell, now that they've established Benny was her tutor, they're depowering Benny (ED: emphasis mine) in the process. And that is not even starting to touch on the dynamic of having the other academic in that story ultimately hating River because her Husband had been in love with River and asked her out one time in Grad school before River rejected him and he is still hung up on River? Like who thought that was a good dynamic?

... 

Which is I guess a lot of words to essentially say that Big Finish often refuses to take River off this strange pedestal of hyper-competent perfection, where she is always the most clever person in the room, always knows the answer, and even in her fucks ups and failures is still ~the expert~ in full. But in so doing the value in her expertise, the hard work, the real strength it took for her to get to where she is... well to be deemphasized it has to even be a factor which it never is, as it just doesn't seem to exist for them at all. She just knows everything until the plot demand she doesn't so things can move along, and when she knows it she knows it best, and if you question this in any way she'll respond with a joking quip and won't you look silly than, and that is that.

☝️☝️☝️

Whole heartedly agree, Big Finish isn’t doing the work they should be doing to really explore her character, and we know from other stories that they can actually deepen a character’s back story and add more insight to them too! 

I mean, my favorite BF Doctors (other than Eight) are Six and Five with Peri and Erimem! 

BF has had so many opportunities to do better by River but they always end up going the easy way instead of doing the hard work to explore a) who River is outside of her programming, how much it’s affected her and b) make River face up to questions about her feelings for the Doctor. 

c) Also, just like with Kate Stewart in UNIT, I don’t want to hear the Brig’s name uttered in the presence of and around Kate. I don’t want River to run into the Doctor in the next couple of boxsets. 

[opalgelance]

thoughts on steven universe future

td;lr overall opinion: steven universe future is better than most of the original steven universe, especially seasons 3-5, but there are still some real iffy plotlines in future

i hate that the diamonds were redeemed but at the same time, the happy clouds blue and yellow putting gems back together scenes were so pure

it simultaneously warms my heart and infuriates me 

but we finally got a blue diamond song, god i love her voice

EDIT: also steven basically tortured white diamond and nearly killed her and it was pretty disturbing bc steven is 1. in a really bad mental state, like way darker than i thought they’d show him go, since this is technically a kids show and 2. was also kind of trying to hurt himself, which both hit me really hard bc i had similar periods of blazing anger, wanting to self harm and harm others that i felt had wronged me when i was a teenager, but its also what white deserves

ncsndlljklkcndkls i want to enjoy this show so bad but,,, steven having ptsd makes him a violent douche??? diamonds killed who knows how many gems in their reign and never really felt bad about it in original su but now they’re supportive life coaches??? no thank you

on more positive notes, i loved how priyanka described mental health and how she treated steven throughout the entire check up, she was so nonconfrontational and whenever he felt stressed she deescalated the situation,,, it was so good

the animation is the best its been since season 2. the poses are clean, very well drawn, and on model. there are more action scenes than like 90% of steven universe and they’re animated way better, like theres actual fighting and motion asjksacbcbj no one is stiffly posed, no one has strange proportions, no one is drastically changing sizes in between shots (well besides steven in growing pains onward but when he does change size its supposed to be like that lol)

i liked seeing the real roses but didnt love it? i wish we saw more of the roses designs up close, and i wish they fit a little more with the other quartzes? it might be just because its era 3, but the roses were all way more unique than jaspers and amethysts generally seem to be. i like that they were more unique designs and had different personalities, but surely the diamonds wouldnt have tolerated that back in era 1 or even era 2, had the rose quartzes not been bubbled? also i get that they’re reminiscent of pink bc she created them, but hippie and superfan were so naive, more so than other quartzes. if each quartz group was slightly different, it would make a little more sense tbh like if quartzes were the entire gem army, but each group was slightly different. i always liked the idea that rose quartzes were either the defense or the healers of the gem army.

little homeschool and guidance were fun and genuinely enjoyable, considering not a whole ton happens in them. i wish townie episodes had been more like them. like you could replace the gems with random humans, but it would still be a fun episode? idk, maybe involving the humans in gem stuff wouldve made better townie episodes, like lars and the cool kids. it wouldve probably helped steven feel more “human” too, if the human and gem worlds collided a bit more in the series.

bluebird was... an ok episode, but im not sure how well it will fit into what i feel like the end will be, where every episode of future featured someone steven helped or affected in some way, and they all come together to help steven when he corrupts. or rather, i guess if bluebird did say something, it would feel more hollow bc steven didnt help them lol the gems and universes were just friendly to them, and thats it. it wasnt as bad as a very special episode (my least favorite episode of future), but it felt like a townie episode with no townies LOL at least we got a new fusion i guess

a very special episode was just,,, infuriating. there was that weird football scene where they just like,,, talk about screen resolution for a minute then play the full commercial for little homeworld we just saw last episode???? i did genuinely enjoy the rainbow scenes, but it just built up to not nothing. oh no, it was something alright. the whole episode was just future vision and then theres like a minute long psa??? it felt like that wacky randomness that would have happened in like, ok ko, teen titans go, or clarence jaskjcbkcjbskb

mr universe is tied with dear old dad episode as my least favorite greg episode. i get how both of them feel. greg wanted to tell steven about how he escaped from his miserable childhood and remade who he was, no longer a demayo but a universe. the problem imo was that greg became way too absorbed in the past. it reminds me a bit of s1 pearl, how she’d proudly recount gem battles and basked in the glory of fighting for their freedom, but she struggled when she had to recount the more unsavory parts of war. and that really affected amethyst, since she didnt fight in the glorified war pearl told her and steven about. amethyst was the byproduct of one of the bad parts of the war, and that became part of her identity, until on the run, where pearl finally realized that she needed to tell amethyst that she wasnt bad. amethyst’s creation may have fractionally hurt the earth, but that wasnt her fault. it wasnt her fault that she emerged too late to fight either. and it wasnt her fault that she existed. sounds familiar to to stevens rant in the van. 

steven didnt ask to be made. he didnt ask to be the half gem half human son of a diamond. but he grew up being told about how great his mom was, and that while no one would ever say it, she was gone because of him. to create steven, rose had to die. it was roses decision, but as the product of that decision, steven feels responsible. not only that, but being told constantly about his amazing mother, steven felt like he had to live up to her, had to be like her, had to replace her in the gems and greg’s lives. throughout the series, steven is constantly either trying to be like his mother, until he realizes its ok to be himself. but then the question is posed; is steven even himself? or is he still part of rose? and once he finds out that he’s steven, and has always been steven, he’s still reeling from the realization that his mother was pink diamond. and that really shows in future, where steven is becoming like pink. at first he doesnt even know, because besides the jungle moon dream, him and the audience never knew about this side of pink. this angry, short tempered, diamond who lashes out mostly physically. and unlike before, no one’s telling steven about pink (besides pink pearl) hes finding out firsthand, and this pink mode is basically being forced on him by his gem. steven has little to no control over this form. hes not trying to live up to his mother, or wondering if he is her, like before. now, he’s losing control to whatever programming is in his gem.

but back to mr universe. in the van, greg is going on and on about how lucky steven is, and how free steven is, but how can either of them compare their lives to each other? the similarities just arent there. steven is right, greg and pink were “raised” in very similar “households”. both had their wishes and desires suppressed by controlling, abusive parents. we know pink was abused mentally, verbally and physically (being physically dragged away from the screen by yellow in jungle moon, stevonnie being grabbed and thrown into the time out cell by yellow, when she still thought steven was pink), but greg at the very least was mentally assaulted. but they diverge from here. as greg said, he thought disco was back. rose started a war. you cant compare them any further. 

but at the same time, steven was raised completely differently. he was raised in a home with love and freedom, but he was also not given the opportunity to be a normal kid. theres a difference being forcing your kid to do something and not giving them the chance to try something. steven was never given the option to go to school (well in the comics he was but i guess thats not canon now since it seems like steven wishes he went to school?) he was never given the option to live in a house, or go to the mall with friends. the only other kids he knew were the boardwalk kids, but even then, he doesnt seem very close with them. for such an outgoing, friendly kid, steven wasnt given many opportunities to make friends. steven’s upbringing was very relaxed, yes, but it was too relaxed. he needed more structure, and more importantly, more humanity. i always thought it was weird, how little steven seems to have interacted with humans before connie, considering that his mother so desperately wanted steven to experience being human. yes the show is about gems, (and yes, i dont like most townie episodes), but steven was never shown doing a lot of “human” kid things inbetween episodes. the episode never started with him coming home from a friends house, he hardly ever spent time with friends other than connie in little scenes. like he was never called for a mission while playing cards with peedee, or coming home after an after school activity. any scenes like that were either just steven by himself, or with greg, and occasionally connie. but connie is a new addition to his life. how many years has he been doing fun stuff with only his dad for company, or by himself? yknow, “non traditional” childhoods and living situations are becoming more and more common in media, rather than the “two parents in a suburb house” thing, but steven’s life is beyond any unusual childhood any other kid would have. i mean he’s never even been to the doctor! which is probably for several reasons, like the fact that he apparently doesnt have a ssn, he can heal himself, has a damn gemstone in his stomach, and is half alien. but still, thats not something he has in common with other kids. no matter how much love and freedom he was given, steven was raised as an outcast.

i agree with the notion that both greg and steven were both right and wrong in mr universe. i guess they both have that in common with rose lol 

greg should have read the room better, realized that his pep talk wasnt the support and apology steven needed to hear. but steven shouldnt have acted out in the way he did. i get that’s the “theme” of steven’s spiral, maybe for the younger audience to better understand how steven is acting? but crashing his dad’s van that gregs been living in for like 20 years? fucking SHATTERING jasper? that’s going way too far to prove a point. it would have been better to maybe mirror story for steven, where marty and greg are arguing, marty is watching the road and they narrowly avoid hitting a car. but crashing the car could have been pretty serious, especially for greg. now jasper, that episode shouldnt have been approved. steven should not have shattered jasper. he fucking killed her. rose/pink didnt even shatter anyone. and if it wasnt for steven getting another superpower out of nowhere, jasper would have stayed that way. he should have just cracked her gem, poofing her in the process. the rest of the episode wouldve played out exactly the same.

anyways ive been writing this for like 2 hours but i feel better letting it all out. if you enjoy future keep enjoying it! it’s definitely more like a B+ compared to season 3-5′s general C-/D+. but please take into consideration future has some themes that people personally relate to, like mental health, and that you shouldnt shit on someone elses opinions that are based on their own personal experiences. especially if you dont have mental health issues, dont keep pushing your opinion and telling people that personally relate to future’s themes that they’re wrong? thats fucked up man

[writing-radionoises]

seaweed

ship: kamukoma, little bit of nanamind genre: fluffy, alt universe ; mermaids prompt: mermaid! izuru and human nagito  notes: idk where i was going with this this is all over the place and i don’t really like it that much

Nagito leads a strange life, a balance between good luck and bad luck, good things followed by very, very bad things. He was sent to live with his aunt and uncle when he was ten or eleven to get proper medical care for his developing muscular dystrophy. His birth parents had lived out in a tiny town by a shore, living on the beach side in a little house. His father was a fisherman, his mother a trophy wife. Nagito's family was wealthy, the fishing business was big in the tiny town and the town's neighboring. Nagito barely ever saw his father, though. His mother did not raise him, either. Their maid was really the one who parented and raised Nagito. She was a kind woman who Nagito wished had moved with him into the big city for his treatment. It has been seven or so years since Komaeda was forced to leave his family, and he was informed that his father, mother, and the maid had been missing for years, assumed dead. He got everything his parents owned. Including the house, his father's boat, their wealth. Everything. And so, here Komaeda stands in front of his childhood home, a suitcase in hand. And his childhood friend by his side and new caretaker, Chiaki Nanami. "Is it bigger than you remember?" She asked, her arm half mindedly wrapped around Komaeda's. He can feel the ds in her jacket pocket against his waist, her prized possession. "No, smaller actually," Nagito answered, using his free arm to fish for the house key. Eventually, he found the ring of keys given to him and unlocked the house. Chiaki snatched Nagito's suitcase and entered first, and Komaeda followed soon after. It was a tiny little shack, his mother lived for the aesthetic, his father could care less. Chiaki returned empty handed, having set Nagito's suitcase in his former room as she then inspected the kitchen. Komaeda closed the door to the house, stumbling and eventually setting himself down carefully on the sofa as his legs gave out from underneath him. The strength in his legs only grew weaker, and eventually it'd get to his arms and the rest of his body. At least, that's what the doctor said. Chiaki sighed, closing the refrigerator, "It looks like I'll have to go grocery shopping later. You need your medication refilled anyway, right?" Nagito nodded, "You need yours too, don't you?" He said, teasingly, to which Chiaki snickered. He was, of course, referring to marijuana. Chiaki was someone you could call a stoner, she had a friend who would deal it to her. Chiaki returned to the living room, sitting beside Nagito, "Nurse Tsumiki will be here next week, from the big city. She'll be coming down to do a check up every month. In the meantime, if you start having medical trouble, you'll have to go see Maki and Kirumi Harukawa, I left their address on the fridge. They both have some medical training and will be of use, I think. I'll be back later, going grocery shopping," Chiaki informs, standing up and grabbing her bag, then leaving the house and leaving. Leaving Komaeda alone with thoughts and memories. Had Komaeda not have been sick, horribly sick, stumbling and falling, scraping his knees on every surface, perhaps he would know where his family was. Perhaps if he had never left in the first place and just waited to die in this house, they never would've disappeared. Somehow, this must be his fault. Nagito rubbed away the tears threatening to spill from his seafoam green eyes, pushing himself up off the white sofa, knees buckling underneath the little weight he had. His braces could take the unsteadiness, though. They were built for that Nagito left the house, walking out towards the shoreline as he stood still, trying to take it all in. Grounding. The wind flowing through his white locks, the smell of salt and fish peppered in the wind. The feeling of warm sand from underneath his sandals, and the cawing of seagulls, searching for food. A familiar environment. … A lovely place to die. Nagito moved once again, out more towards the sea as he climbed on top of a large rock, pulling his scarred knees towards his chest. The sea is blue green, the water moving back and forth like a pattern. The sound of the waves swishing is comforting. Nagito wonders if his father is out at sea again. Maybe he just hasn't come home yet, and tomorrow Nagito will get the light morse code signals telling Nagito he's okay. Or maybe his father has drown. Never to be seen again. Maybe the sea he loved so much had claimed him. Something caught Nagito's eyes, a large looking fish stranded on land, looking to be covered in seaweed. Nagito slides off the rock, the back of his thighs protesting against that decision as he made his way over to the creature. Nagito got to his knees beside the creature, the cold water brushes against them as he hesitantly starts to move what he think is seaweed away from the creature. It is not seaweed, it isn't slimy and thin as Nagito thought. It's a deep brown color, feeling a lot more like hair than anything. Komaeda's pale hands hesitantly move it to the side, coming face to face with something unexpected. A human torso and head on top of a fish tail. Mermaid, that's what they would call this. The mermaid was dark in color, considerable tan and much darker than Komaeda could ever be. His nose, shoulders, cheeks, and hands were covered in darker freckles, the mermaid was considerably smaller than Nagito. His tail was black, few dark red scales littered across the black surface, the red sparkled in the sunlight. Komaeda couldn't believe his eyes as he gently began to shake the man. "Hey, hey, are you okay?" Nagito asked, as if the thing could possibly answer before it's eyes fluttered open. A bright red, big and wide like a doll's. Upon taking in his surroundings, the mermaid sat up and jumped back from Nagito in fear. "Wait! No, no, I'm not gonna hurt you!" Nagito tried to reassure, worry clouding his already dull green eyes, "Wh, what's your name?" The other relaxed slightly, taking a breath as he tried to speak. "I… I…" He started, struggling to get the words out of his mouth, "Izuru Kamu-" Before finishing his last name, he began to cough up water, ducking away to hide such a motion. “Are you ok-” “Kamukura. Izuru Kamukura,” Izuru finished. Nagito nodded along, “I’m, I’m Nagito Komaeda. Sorry if I startled you… Do you need help?” Izuru fell silent, looking down at himself. His chest was covered with a torn up black fabric, resembling a shirt, and a vial tied around his neck. He snatched the vial from off of his neck, the liquid a neon red as he looked up at Nagito. “Clothes. And a towel.” Izuru deadpanned. Nagito flushed but nodded, standing up and stumbling back into his house.

After trouble between Nagito struggling to help his new apparent mermaid friend with legs get into clothes without looking, and then struggling to get him into the house, Nagito found himself collapsing on the sofa, soaking the pretty white fabric with sea water. Not that it hasn’t had the same thing done to it multiple times. Izuru was leaned against the wall by the doorway, still struggling to get a hand of his newly found legs. His red eyes looked over to Nagito as he spoke. “Sorry,” he said, “For making you do… So much work. You are sick?” His english wasn’t amazing, sentences short and sweet. Sometimes he seemingly forgot words. “I… Have a sickness that makes my legs and such not work as well as they should,” He explained, sitting up with a smile, “My muscles are trying to eat themselves in some sort of sense, so I can’t walk very well.” Izuru nodded, “I cannot walk well either…” “To be expected,” Nagito replied, “Why are you here?” “Deliver… Message. But that can wait.” “Okay…” Nagito said, “Do you need a place to stay?” “Not necessary.” The two fell silent as Izuru made him way around the house, hands on the wall as he stumbled. Nagito wondered if that’s what he looked like whenever he walked. He had originally given Izuru one of his tee shirts, which ended up being like a dress on the other. So, he had nabbed some of Chiaki’s clothes. They seemed to be around the same size, so Izuru was now struggling to walk in a white button up and black skirt. He didn’t seem to mind the skirt, said it was cute, only confusing Nagito further. Chiaki eventually returned, opening the door with her arms full of two of three bags on each arm. She wasn’t alarmed when she saw Izuru, giving him a half wave as she set the bags down on the table. “Found friends already, Nagito?” She asked. “Something like that…” Chiaki smiled knowingly, though Komaeda dared not ask what she knew. “I bought more snack type foods, I’m sure you won’t mind. I’m not the best at cooking, and you sure can’t cook…” Chiaki added on, “Microwave meals, but… No microwave. For fuck’s sake, no microwave?” Komaeda shrugged as Izuru managed to climb up onto one of the chairs, sitting criss cross on the chair. Chiaki sat down in the chair next to Izuru, and Nagito watched intently, nervousness eating him alive. “What’s your name?” She asked. “Izuru Kamukura.” “Wearing my clothes?” “Didn’t have any.” “Mermaid?” Izuru paused, looking aside as he bit his lower lip. “... I thought so,” Chiaki answered, “I’m a local, we have heard plenty of legends and stuff about mermaids and things like that… Didn’t think they were real, but you’re not a very convincing human.” “Oh, sorry,” Izuru replied. “No, don’t apologize, let me help you, though,” replied the pink eyed girl, sliding off the chair and going towards her room. She returned with two hair combs and two hair ties, snatching the towel from off the counter as she began to dry Izuru’s long hair, then comb it out and braid it. It was not quick or easy work. If Nagito had to guess, the whole process took about an hour. She had also placed a black tie over the button up, declaring the look finished. Chiaki then proceeded to go back into her room, passed out in her own clothes, and leaving Nagito and Izuru to their own thoughts. Izuru left the house once again, Nagito watched him from the window, watched him sit in the sand and watch the waves, watch the moon. Eventually, Komaeda gave in, getting up and throwing on his own dusty green jacket and going outside, sitting beside Izuru to watch with him. Izuru’s head fell on Nagito’s shoulder, and a slight smile came to Nagito’s face. “You said you had a message, right?” Nagito asked, and Izuru nodded, “Who is it for?” “You,” Izuru replied, “Your family is missing, correct?” “... Yes,” Nagito replied, “They have been for awhile, I wasn’t informed until recently… What about it?” “I met them.” “What?” “I met them,” Izuru replied, “Not recently. But I did. It was an accident. My friend had lured them into a forbidden place, she is a siren, and i had accompanied her that night.” “Are… They alive?” Nagito asked, he felt goosebumps along his arms, a shakiness coming to his body.” “No,” Izuru answered simply, “I had caught them too late, drown. I felt bad, I knew them once, when I was young. I thought you would have wanted to know, but you did not return for a long time.” “You… You waited?” Komaeda asked, looking back down at the other. “I figured you’d come back at some point,” Izuru answered, “I was right.” “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Nagito asked, moving away from Izuru to look him in the eyes. “You were happy,” Izuru explained, “Having fun… Didn’t want to ruin it.” The two fell silent, Komaeda trying to take it in, and Izuru awaiting a response. The moon rose higher and glowed brighter, and eventually Izuru spoke. “I must take my leave,” he said. “You can’t stay a little longer?” Nagito asked, a slight whine in his voice. “No, I apologize,” Izuru replied, standing up as he looked back at Komaeda, “You will know where to find me if you need me. Tell miss Nanami I’ll return her stuff shortly.” Nagito watched Izuru make his way back towards the sea, he looked back at Komaeda and waved, and the white haired boy waved back. He was gone before Nagito could even blink.

“You just let him leave?” Chiaki asked as she began to make toaster waffles in the oven. Nagito nodded, sitting at the dining room table with a glass of water, “I didn’t know what else to say. He came, explored the house, talked to me, told me my parents are dead, and then left.” “Nothing else?” Chiaki asked, looking back at Komaeda. “He told me I would know where to find him if I needed him…” "Do you need him?" Nagito paused for a moment, glancing down at his hands, and then back out the window, eyes catching sight of his father's row boat. "You know, my father always wanted me to take after him." "Oh?"

Rowing a boat is harder than Nagito thought, and even harder because Chiaki wasn't helping, instead playing Fortnite on her DS. "Really? You can't help me out at all?" Nagito asked. "Your boyfriend," Chiaki replied, "Fortnite is my wife, Izuru can be yours." "What does that even mean?" "Means I am too high to care." Komaeda sighed, stopping for a second as he cupped his own face in his hands as he looked back at Chiaki, peacefully playing her game. "I'm gonna do something stupid," he said. "Do it," Chiaki replied. "You're horrible impulse control." "Yeah." Having gotten a confirmation, Nagito looked over the side of the boat. He had no idea where they were, but it felt right, and by god is that a good enough reason. He looked back at Chiaki, then standing up and taking a leap of faith. Literally. The water was cold and dark. Like falling, but slower. Komaeda was not the best swimmer, nor the sharpest tool in the shed, but something about this felt comforting, peaceful. Is this what it feels like to die? With your best friend above, playing fucking Fortnite while you may have just sentenced yourself to death? … Is this such a bad way to go? It wasn't Komaeda's objective, to die here, but somehow, it felt comforting. Knowing he may die the same way his family had. A pair of warm arms wrap around Komaeda's waist, stopping his falling and forcing Komaeda to open his eyes, his green eyes meeting with Izuru's glowing ruby eyes. He pushed a green vial towards Nagito, Nagito taking it into his hands as the other swam upwards. They reached the surface, Nagito gasping for air as Izuru seemed unphased, his eyes now returning to the dark red Nagito had known them as. "Impulsive, are we? It's barely been a day," he said, and Nagito laughed. "Perhaps, but I can't get you off my mind." "Well, don't drown yourself next time." Komaeda snickered as Chiaki looked back over to Nagito and Izuru, waving. "Hey! You lived, congrats!"

"So, what happens now?" Chiaki asked, her high finally wearing off as they say at the dining room table, eating shitty toaster waffles once again. "Well, he's gonna visit frequently, I guess, and I asked if he wanted to go on a date next time we saw each other," Komaeda explained, "He… didn't know what that was, so I tried to explain, but I guess that's happening." Izuru had guided them back to the shoreline, they had talked along the way, what Izuru's life was like, what Komaeda's life was like. Things like that. Nagito had practically begged to see him again, and the other eventually gave in. No one is immune to Nagito's puppy eyes. "So you guys are dating? Nice, maybe you should meet my girlfriend," Chiaki replied. "Girlfriend?" Nagito asked. "She's a foreigner, Izuru knows her." "What?" "Dude, I pulled the whole mermaid legends thing out of my ass," Chiaki explained, "Did you really think I'm stupid enough to just fall for it and assume it's true?" Komaeda flushed, "Well… I don't know." "You'll meet her next time Izuru's here. She's a princess of the ocean, you know?" "Oh, don't flex on me, Chiaki." Chiaki giggled, "Sure, sure, whatever you wanna say."

[thatsouthernanthem]

more homestead au asks; what's each person's favorite thing about their partner?

gonna take a break from writing the Ancient Greek Threesome Epic with @alethiometry​ to answer this!  I saw the ask come in before my nap and was thinking about it as I fell asleep and boy it caused some weird dreams. ANYWAY:

Brasidas loves just about everything in Kassandra. She truly holds his heart in a way he cannot describe…without her, he’d have a hard time adjusting to not being a soldier and finding himself “useless” to Sparta (which, even Sparta doesn’t think this–he’s highly decorated, an adviser to the kings and trains new soldiers so like…this is just his sad brain working against him here). He loves her morals–how she’ll cut down a bad guy with no qualms but for the innocent and downtrodden, the children and the helots, she has nothing but patience and kindness. 

He loves that she never backs down from a fight, no matter what it is. It could be a war with Athens or an argument with the kings…hell it could be trying to get Nikoleta to eat her freaking peas, she’s still there and never gives up. She always finishes what she starts!

So I guess for him, it’s her perseverance and her kindness to those who need it most. Obviously, he loves other things just as much: like her eyes and each and every single scar on her body. The way her hair has grown out and when it’s not braided back, it’s so ridiculously wavy and soft he could lose himself in it. The way she curls into him when she’s asleep and the way she carries a baby in her arms with the same ease as carrying her spear. Well, later. The “twins” she’s a little wobbly about. :P But I don’t want to waste your time by waxing poetic about all the things Brasidas loves in Kassandra bc we’d be here forever. So perseverance and kindness to those who need it most!

(Charlotte says “pegging” is the only answer but I refuse to delete my pretty prose about them :P the pegging is great too ok)

For Kassandra, it’s very much the same of: what doesn’t she love? But if we wash away all of his handsome good looks and the chuckle/smile that drives her mad, she’d have to say it’s his unending patience. 

He has never asked her to be someone she is not–even when asking her to stay with him, after the war, he puts so much conscious effort in not “tying her down” it’s almost detrimental. He is…not happy but content to wait for her to make her own decisions about spending a lifetime with him–he’s just happy to have gotten the chance. Even if he’d actually implode if she left, I think.

He has the patience of twelve Sokrateses when he deals with the kings and generals and ephors–one of the kings is Pausanias’ like…14 year old son. You know you need patience for that shit. He’s the kindest father and the best teacher because you never know he’s going insane with hearing the same story for the tenth time. 

He never makes her feel bad when she needs time to answer something and he’s taught her the meaning of patience as well. She’s so quick to just get things done herself or to not even bother asking for help because before she’d rather just shoulder the whole burden herself. Now though, she knows she can count on him. :)

(Also I answered this knowing full well I’m thinking about all of the “slow down we have time” smut in no peace in quiet because that’s REALLY where he taught her patience lmao)

For Alexios…this is a hard one for him. He loves way too much about Meli lol. He thinks she is the prettiest woman he’s ever seen and also the kindest. She forgives things he thinks she shouldn’t. She is the best mother (okay officially he says both she and Kass are the best moms but he’s afraid Kass will come fight him if he doesn’t say that) and he loves watching her with her son. He loves waking up in the morning and checking on her (before they share a room) and seeing Sebastos curled against her side, in her arms, even though the crib Brasidas built for her is literally next to the bed. He loves how Sebastos always smells like her because she always has him wrapped up against her chest when she’s working or, like above, nestled next to her in bed. 

He loves how determined she is. She never gives up, even when she hates what she’s doing. She’s so frustrated that she’s learning to read so late in life but she is still doing it dammit! She learns to use weapons twice her size just to keep herself and her son safe! She’s so strong, even when she doesn’t feel like it. She’s so strong, even when it feels like Methodios riddled her with holes. 

Melina loves how Alexios radiates “safety” to her. She knows what his story is, has seen him switch to the “monster” before, but never to her. He sees her or Sebastos and he is only Alexios. She thought that she would never be safe or ever truly feel safe ever again. Then she met Kassandra and Brasidas, and then a few months later: Alexios. And they have kept her safe, taught her how to secure her own safety and taught her how to love again and for that she is eternally grateful. 

She loves how, even though it takes a long time and several false starts, she and Alexios have found true happiness in each other and with it, the healing the need and deserve. They are always learning and specifically unlearning things with each other and it’s been amazing to not have to explain why something is hard…because they know the abuse and issues behind things. IDK if that made any sense but I’m gonna move on.

Phoibe steals a reason from Kassandra: patience. Thais is so patient. She has to be, with a energetic woman like Phoibe! She’s a never ending whirlwind of learning and healing and babysitting and Thais has made herself indispensable by just…being patient. She is the one who makes sure Phoibe eats or that whatever niece or nephew they’re watching takes a nap and that Phoibe takes a moment to breathe every once in a while.

Where Phoibe is chaos, Thais is order and it works perfectly for them. 

For Thais, she loves how no matter what, Phoibe does the right thing. She is put in situations where, as a doctor, she has someone’s life in her hands and they may not deserve her kindness or help but she won’t let her personal feelings get in the way of that. She does no harm!! But she also takes no shit! She sees you outside her clinic being an asshole? She’s gonna call you out. 

Thais also loves Phoibe’s sense of humor–she is like a dryer, wittier Kassandra…sarcastic as hell. Basically if you catch this couple together in a Mood, they will probably wound you with snarkiness and flit away hand in hand, leaving you to wonder what the hell just happened. 

[abigailht]

😈😈😈 you know what i want. coz bitch, if I’m about to answer all of these fucking questions you can be damn sure I’m gunna try and make you answer them all too! Operation Ultimate Nosey commence!!! XXXX

Oh God, no you didn’t xD But I shall not refuse since I gave you the same monstrous ask, wahhaah (you better do it!)

of course here will also be the answers to your asks @desushoard and @scramblingminds and that anon xD cause apparently, I’m answering them all! xD

keep reading if you want xD this is gunna be very personal (and probably boring, lol)

Autumnal Asks

lantern - how did you meet your best friend? What were your first impressions of each other?

I had so many “best friends” in my life, cause I’m not 12 anymore, lol. One was a childhood friend. One I met at 7th grade, she saved me from having to sit alone in a new class when she asked me if I want to sit with her while I was standing around, unsure of what to do, cause I had no friends. Another I met online, we hated each other from the beginning so much, we would fight all the time in the forum and everyonen would hold their breath xD then we turned into bffs when we found out we had so much in common. classic teenagers, lol. now we don’t talk anymore really. Then I turned 20 and… I don’t think I have thought about friends in “best friend” terms anymore. As you can see, I sadly don’t have one friend that stayed in my life permanently, as they romantisize it in tv shows and movies… well :D

frost - if you could give some advice to your younger self, what would you say?

STOP BEING SILENT. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. What I regret the most is that I didn’t pursue things because of anxiety and insecurities… ugh. 

maple - is there a hobby / skill that you’ve always wanted to try but never did?

SEWING! and design. I mean… I did sew little things, so I can’t say I have never tried… but I didn’t pursue it. It would be so cool to design and sew your own clothes! 

harvest - what fictional character do you most identify with? Why?

Daryl Dixon. Lol. Because we are both insecure, anxious, emo potatoes who go through long periods of times hating themselves for no real reason… sighhh *hugs daryl* Also I headcanon him as gray-ace, which I identify myself as… soooo, if you write him emo AND gray-ace, chances are that I’ll be all over your characterization lmao. 

fireside - if you had your dream wardrobe, what would it look like?

The Instagram of a Hipster XD 

cider - a food that you disliked as a child but now enjoy?

Pumpkin! Hated it until I turned 20. Now I LUV it. 

amber - share an unpopular opinion that you may have.

That people under the Asexual umbrella belong to the LGBT community XD 

fog - how well do you think you’d do in a zombie apocalypse scenario?

I’m a doctor, so I’d be valuable and expect others to protect me! XD altho if you go by tv-shows and movies, doctors die first for dramatic value. so… y’all better protect my ass! But I’m not very athletic, so I’d die trying to run away because I’d have an asthma attack after 1 min of trying to run away and give up. (so you better PROTECT ME! XD)

jack-o-lantern - if you could look like any celebrity, who would you choose?

Emily Didonato!

spice - have you ever encountered a house that you believed to be haunted?

Nah.

orchard - share one thing that you’d like to happen this autumn.

Me being able to draw again. Me being able to sleep again. Getting healthy…

crow - which school subject do you wish you had an aptitude for?

P.E. XD I was good with all the other stuff, I was an A student lol ~ except for P.E. xD

bonfire - describe your dream house.

Like the ones I built in Sims 2 + 3. Big, spacious, has a pool, has a fireplace, has room for hobbies and a gym and a little cinema and a huge garden.

cinnamon - if you had to live in a time period different than the present, which would you choose and where?

A time in which there is no racism anymore and women and LGBT have equal rights and people are paid what they deserve and wealth is spread more equally among the folks and not just owned by the 0,0000001% of humankind (who are white and most probably male).

Find that time, beam me there, Scotty. Thank.

cobweb - (if you’ve graduated) do you miss high school?

YES. It was easy, easy, easyyyyy. I hated the social aspect of it cause I mostly didn’t have many friends… I was the nerd outcast and people were racist partly, so mostly I pretended to be reading LOTR or something in the breaks so I didn’t have to feel bad for no one talking to me xD BUT so much free time!!!!!! and so EASY. So definitely: YES.

cranberry - what’s one physical feature that you get complimented on?

I guess it’s my eyes. They are fanfic-green. Lmao.

maize - share the weirdest encounter you’ve had with a stranger on the street.

uhhhh only a negative encounter comes to my mind, and I don’t wanna talk about it. 

quilt - how do you take your tea (or coffee)?

with my mouth? like what kind of question is this XD I don’t put anything in it. no sugar or milk or anything. black coffee or just plain tea. 

pumpkin - do you think that humans are inherently good or bad?

uhm. I think they are both. I think the more powerful, the more the bad side of them comes to the surface… I think humans are both and have to work for being good. they have to make active choices. nice people are admirable because they CHOOSE to be nice. that’s tough work, and not many appreciate it, and you still end up being blocked on tumblr, lol. being a dick is easy. and chances are, that bad people will make it farther in life because they have less scruples…

moonlit - are you a neat or messy person? Is your room / house orderly?

Messy xD I try to be neat… buuuttt…

flannel - have you ever gone on a bad date?

I have never gone on a date in the first place. No one wants to date me, lol. So… no xD

cocoa - if you could have any type of hair, what colour and cut would you have?

CURLY BIG AND VOLUMONOUS. I don’t care about the cut or colour. I have alopecia… so… I just want BIG HAIR T_T (okay, NORMAL hair would do it too. I’d be perfectly fine with just normal hair T_T)

ghost - is there someone that you miss having in your life?

Friends who drifted apart from me over time.

THERE, scraming lady @neekanoo, I DID IT!! Now it’s your turn!!! :P

Let’s turn this from Ask meme into a Tag meme, shall we??? XD WAHAHAHAHA I KNOW ITS A LOT AND I DO NOT CARE! Don’t do it if you don’t wanna

I am tagging: @desushoard @toorational @canoncannon @bisexualstarbucky @scramblingminds @vbabe14 @d-j-marlowe @greyhoundsgirl @tpayne-legendary @captainameriqueer @syrabylene @its-me-theicequeen @iiloulouii @maren-believesinsherlock @youremyfanart @lasvegasfabulous @desus-trash @anxiety-instinct @oneofthegoodthings @merrymerricat @sergeant-barnes @just-whelmed @fuzzydaddygrimes @fullm3tal-bucky @remuslupinsmiled @citofonaremeedes @jendavisjendavis @drcloyd @desus-shipper idk who else, if you see this and want then do it and tag me back ok! XD 

[vulture-jack]

I always feel like my response to trauma is like. too lukewarm for other people to take seriously? like idk how to explain it. 

Talking about trauma and death under the cut

I have SYMPTOMS of ptsd but I dont have ENOUGH symptoms. Or my symptoms arent strong enough.  

I had recurring nightmares about the event and sometimes still do but not as often. I don’t experience flashbacks or panic attacks or intense reactions to things I associate with my trauma. Just mild distress and discomfort. I never feel as if the event is reoccurring (its kind of impossible because it was the death of a specific person but I do often fear that someone I care about might die or is in danger) 

I have emotional numbness. 

I am extremely protective though. Like. at once I have a hard time getting close to people especially if i perceive that person as vulnerable and that I might potentially lose them. My brain shuts off emotion when I experience new trauma and doesn’t let me feel it. I feel like every death I experienced after my moms made me more and more numb and reinforced the the reaction of shutting off emotion as like. A survival tactic.  

I feel like I’m always preparing to lose people and unsure whether this time is just going to make me even more numb, or finally break me to pieces. I’m scared of breaking to pieces.  I’m scared of becoming more numb. Loving people feels dangerous. Life has only proven to my mind that it is. I didn’t cry when my nana woke me up to tell me that she thought my grandfather was dead. I just calmly checked, confirmed he had died, and told her to sit down while I called 911. I didn’t cry until the funeral. And I cried mostly because people I cared about were sad. 

Sometimes I forget my mom died. sometimes this manifests as forgetting that she is dead, and sometimes its struggling to remind myself that she even existed in the first place. my brain doesnt want to think about it. Its too much. That really happened? how could that happen? thats so terrible. How could that have happened to me. Its impossible. 

Seeing people who are very sick with cancer distresses me a lot. I don’t experience flashbacks or intense attacks that people can see from the outside. But seeing a frail person with no hair in a hospital gown, especially if its a woman, is really the most...like. Obviously distressing thing. 

Ive always been jumpy about phone calls but now every time im at lest a little prepared for it to be “someone died”. Like I’m waiting to hear my grandmother start sobbing and tell me that my father or sister died. 

Most of this is internal.  Like. I think mostly people just notice that I’m over protective and it probably comes across as annoying. Be careful, wear your seat belt, dad get away from that ledge you can admire the waterfall from back here, did you go to the doctor this year, text me and let me know youre ok, etc. 

Often my brain interprets laughter as hysterical sobbing.  Ill hear a thump and jump out of bed and run halfway downstairs to make sure my grandmother didnt fall like that one time she fell down the stairs and broke her leg. 

Since the numbness set in ive made very few friends and even fewer close friends. (About one in the last 5 or 6 years) and those friends absolutely have to approach me and make themselves a part of my life. And even still I dont feel the fullness in my heart that I used to. Loving people is scary and dangerous and I’m just...waiting to lose one of them. 

It sounds dorky as fuck but like. Idk how to love again. Idk how to live again. Idk how to properly balance knowing that life CAN hurt me without wearing heavy armor. I’m scared that when I do feel again its all gonna hit me like a freight train and im gonna crash and burn harder than ever. its just. a lot. i cant really afford a therapist rn either. everything is just. difficult. I’m functioning just enough to seem lazy.  I seem fine but I’m only barely ok. Like my stability is built on toothpicks and bubblegum but to everyone else all they see is that im stable.