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parkers-gal · 4 years

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Hey lovie, so Idk if you take requests but based on the other fic I read about Harrison having a baby sister and the boys talking behind her back can you write something about reader keeping her boyfriend a secret from the boys and she’s out with some friends and Harry sees the friends insta story and seeing reader in the corner on a boys lap and they Drive as fast a possible to the location to get haz babysister and being all protective around her like „what do you do on a random boys lap?“ and she’s like „uh, he’s my boyfriend.��

combing this with another request, hope u don’t mind :)

Hey! I've just read circles before selves and I loved it so much!! 😔 if you feel like it fits, could you write a part 2 where one of the boys has feelings for yn and really missed her during that time? Really angst? Thanks, bby! ❤❤

wc: 1.7 k

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Through the week you’d ghosted the four of them, Tom had probably been affected the most. Being your brother’s best friend, he was very much intertwined with your life, which meant he was just as dependent on you as he was on Harrison.

The night after their apology in your apartment, Tom had come over with more take out and one of his hoodies on his arm.

“Hey… Tom?” You were surprised by his presence, standing in the doorway of the front entrance, Tom on your patio. “What’s up?”

“Can I- uh… Can I talk to you?” “Sure…” You’re still confused, but nevertheless, open the door wider for him.

Tom has always been your protector in a different way than Harrison’s ‘older-brother protective mode.’ He’s genuinely cared about your well-being, and tended to keep you out of the public’s eyes despite you not being a celebrity. He was there when you needed a ride home in the rain, and he was there when your ex-boyfriend had cheated on you with your best friend. He was there, angrily, supportively, encouragingly. Sure, he gave you butterflies, but you as another rule of the circle goes, siblings are off limits. Nobody had ever broken the rule, and you suspected Tom wasn’t here to break it either, so you dropped the thoughts from your mind, attention resorting back to the brunette in front of you.

“What’s happening?” You’re awkwardly sitting on the couch beside him until the tension fades away into nothingness. It’s never like this between the two of you, but you’re picking apart the context, pointing out in your head his demeanor — and why this time feels different.

“I, erhm,” He clears his throat. “I really missed you those past two weeks.”

“Aww,” You jutt a lip out, assuming that’s all he’s here for. Restoring those lost cuddles, huh? “I really missed you, too.” “That’s… not exactly what I mean.”

“Okay…” You lean back a bit in defeat. “What do you mean, then?”

“I mean… I’ve had feelings for you for a while.” He’s blushing profusely, scratching the back of his neck out of nervousness. Your eyes widen and he’s quick to continue, not wanting to shock you too much. “And- And I know it’s so fucking cliche — your brother’s best friend likes you — and I know that we have that stupid rule about not going out with your best friend’s siblings but I just… I don’t want to go away on- on… business or something and come back and you’re somebody else’s girl.”

You can’t help but let a grin take over your face. You can feel yourself heating up, hands coming to block your face from his view, trying to save your dignity and keep the embarrassment to a minimum despite him spilling his heart out right in front of you.

“Do… do you feel the same way?” You bite your lip before picking your head up. He’s so innocent — so sweet and so gentle and tender and pure with his words — and the glint of hope in his eyes could make your heart burst. It doesn’t, but instead flutters faster, wings flapping as it prepares to take flight. You’re afraid of where it’s going, but you decide to let it fly right in the hands of the boy standing in front of you.

“I didn’t think you’d ever feel the same way.” You confess it sheepishly. Tom’s quick to grow redder, ears turning a scarlet shade.

“The- the same way?”

“Yeah,” You breathe out a laugh. “I have feelings for you, too.” “That’s…” He trails off with a smile before remembering the hoodie he has in his hands. “Do you, uh- do you wanna be my girlfriend?” He holds the article of clothing out as an offer, widening your grin as you stand with a nod. “Yeah,” You take the hoodie from him, slipping it on smoothly. His smirk grows at the sight of you in his clothing. “You’ll be my boyfriend?”

He rolls his eyes jokingly, laughing with a happy smile. “Yeah.”

That is how you ended up here, at a bar with a few of your friends. Aisha and her girlfriend sit on your right — you’re on the inside of the crowded booth, sitting atop Tom’s lap to save space and to nuzzle closer to him. He’d told his brothers and yours that he was going up north to Manchester for the weekend.

In reality, he was secretly staying in your apartment, which was a few miles from the flat he shared with Harrison and the twins. The two of you were downtown right now, dressed for clubbing despite only downing a few shots. He’s dressed a bit differently than from his normal ‘clubbing’ outfits — you style him in dark grey slacks and a mesh shirt. His hair was slightly messy but hotter than ever, and your fingers constantly took a trip through the strands of curls, massaging his scalp while he groaned occasionally.

(Yeah fuck me, that esquire picture fucked me up for days.)

He’s holding a beer, now, one hand on your waist. Your legs are splayed across his lap, ass on his thigh comfortably while an arm wraps around the back of his neck. It’s comfortable — and intimate, but neither of you mind. It’s barely nine o’clock, and Aisha had insisted on paying for one of those stupid clubbing games. A waiter had brought the drinks over, and now each of you were going around to answer the questions as best they could with the amount of alcohol in their veins.

The two girls across from you were drinking the most, but Aisha’s girlfriend, Iridessa, was designated driver for the night, so the rest of your friend group was fine with getting wasted.

“Time for a cute pic,” Andrea announced, beckoning the cute waiter over for a favor. He took the picture on your Instagram, handing it back to you while you posted it to your story in seconds.

Your pose against Tom was cozy, and his face was hidden in the crook of your neck — you remember this fact very well, because he’d left a few open-mouthed kisses against your skin in the middle of the picture. His hair was different, and you hoped the only correlation between him and the boy your brother knew was that his lanky fingers were gripping a glass of beer.

Within a matter of minutes, each of Tom’s brothers — and your own — were replying to the post of you cuddled up with a ‘mysterious boy.’ They were currently discussing it in the Instagram groupchat, and Tom was trying to act as surprised, but he was being vague, too preoccupied with the girl in his lap.

You clicked the off button, setting your phone down on the wooden table, deciding to let them chatter away and deciphering who you were with and why. That was a mistake, because they had decided to talk about it in their kitchen, eventually deciding to drive down to the bar you were at. It was only a fifteen minute drive — what was the harm?

You were caught off guard by the door swinging open, emerging three boys searching for you. You gasped, alerting Tom and Aisha that if they did see you, your relationship would be outed. You tried to hide away in the booth, go as unnoticed as possible. You saw them go to the back of the bar, where more people were located, and breathed out in relief. They wouldn’t be leaving that room anytime soon — it was too crowded.

You remained in your seat, joining the game normally again. You missed the way Harrison had gasped, eyes widening as he pointed to you for the twins to see. They came practically marching over to your booth to get a better look at the brown-haired boy whose lap you were seated in.

“Y/N?” Harrison asked, another gasp escaping. “Tom?!” Your jaw dropped open, eyebrows raising against your forehead. You felt Tom’s hand squeeze your waist in acknowledgement — in protectiveness — and you tried to act as normal as possible.

“Hi.” You spoke meekly, something Harrison had rolled his eyes at.

“Tom?!” Harry was just as surprised. “You’re supposed to be in Manchester! For the weekend!” “Right…” He laughed sheepishly. “Surprise? I’m sorry, I lied.” He tried again, noticing Harrison’s jaw tense, clenching and unclenching.

“You’re…. You’re with my baby sister?!”

Tom nibbled his bottom lip and you placed a calming hand on his chest. “Guys, don’t freak out. You’re gonna cause a scene.” You eyed them. “Especially you, Haz.” He shifted on his feet, dominantly leaning on his right one.

“You’re breaking rule number two.”

You didn’t falter as you responded, without missing a beat. “You broke rule number one, first.”

He didn’t answer, and you could sense Aisha and Iridessa were awkwardly sitting between you and the boys. The tension was thicker than you thought it’d be, so you decided to speak again, filling the silence before Harrison had a breakdown in front of everyone.

“Look, can we just talk about this later? I’m with people right now, I can’t really have this conversation here.”

“Fine.” Harrison agreed, but he sneered closer to Tom, eyes crisp and jaw tight. “But you’re not off the hook, Tommy.”

Tom nodded nonchalantly, sipping his beer before replying. “Do you mind? My girl and I are a bit busy.”

You bit your lip at his words, knees weakening and stomach erupting in butterflies. This boy-

That seemed to tick Harrison off in a teasing way before they finally left the bar. You exhaled in relief, gasping at Tom. “That’s literally saying something to my dad like ‘you’re not the only daddy anymore!’” You compared the instances. “You’re a cheeky bastard.” You slapped his shoulder. Tom let out a loud laugh, chuckling while his hand rubbed up and down your side. “You know Harrison’s still gonna be pissed, though.” You sighed and Tom pouted, kissing your nose to grab your attention.

“It’s gonna be okay, alright?” You nodded, a bit unconvinced, and Tom clicked his tongue. “Trust me?”

You nodded again, faithfully, and he smirked, squeezing your hip again. You brought his hand to you, guiding the glass to your lips and sipping his beer. He watched you through hooded eyelids, tongue running across his bottom lip, across his teeth. You could see his pupils dilate, and you smirked from behind the cup, fingers slipping from his hand with a small smirk, turning back to the girls and continuing the game just as you had before.

#tom holland x osterfield!reader #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland smutty #tom holland fic #tom holland fluff #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fluffy #tom holland imagine #tom holland oneshot #tom holland blurb #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland smut #tom holland angst #tom x reader

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geek-and-destroy · 3 years

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Wheel of Time - Enter Politick!

This is post 6 in The Wheel of Time Read - see the previous post - covering chapters 32-41.

A few days ago, I started reading The Eye of The World by Robert Jordan, book one in The Wheel of Time. And because I have nothing better to do, I decided to post my thoughts on the internet, a few chapters at a time. This post talks about my first impressions of chapters 32 (Four Kings in Shadow) through 41 (Old Friend, New Threats). Chapter summaries can be found here (I’m not putting links to the individual chapters, I don’t want to venture too far into the wiki).

I was looking forward to this.

A fantasy series of fourteen entire books, known for its intricate worldbuilding almost or even as detailed as Tolkein, can't not have its share of political intrigue. It has now arrived, and I am so here for it. And boy has Jordan delivered on it - from complicated successions and marriages to secure power to mass symbolic protests, all seamlessly woven in with magical influences and conflicts. I couldn't be happier. The people even care about non-issues while they starve away, just like in the real world!

Allow me also to gush over another amazing thing: we've got an actual MAINSTREAM MATRIARCHY, yall! This is not a drill, at least one major political power in a fantasy world is ruled by a queen (dare I say, a girlboss even) who is shown as a competent ruler. It's not some faraway region with a different culture, we've got a matriarchy front and centre. I mean, sure, quite a few patriarchal trappings still exist here, but still, wow. It's rare. Although unfortunately, Elayne's designation as 'daughter-heir' rather than just 'heir' or 'heiress' makes me believe that this isn't the norm everywhere, just Andor. I am a cis straight male, I don't know why this makes me so happy tbh. Just the rarity of it in fiction? Idk.

So, Rand is from somewhere really far off, eh? From the very very small tidbits I've heard so far in the book, Aiel is some kind of desert/wasteland that is on the other side of one of the mountains, though I don't see it anywhere on the map. I don't want to google it because spoilers, so I guess I'll find out when I do. That and the people from there are kinda feared? It's been pretty vague, but it'll probably become clear in due time.

A new set of characters have been introduced. I can't say much about them so far other than that their interactions within the royal family and the captain of the guard were very well-fleshed out. It made them feel like real people, not just a royal family. The little petty rivalries and fast friendships were conveyed in just a few pages, really a testament to Robert Jordan's skill. That Galad guy has the makings of an anti-hero for sure. Definitely looking forward to seeing these three again.

To top it all off, the gang is back together again! My face was so wide when they finally got there. Honestly, coming to Caemlyn felt like the book letting out the breath that it held ever since they got split. Such a welcome change of scene. Because holy fuck were the last few chapters hell.

Well, I mean the last few Rand ones. They just couldn't catch a break. Trolloc here, Fade there, innocuous Darkfriends everywhere. All while I was screaming GET RID OF THE FUCKING DAGGER at inanimate pages. At least now Moiraine knows about it. (The title of the next chapter gives me hope that the three dolts finally see sense and tell Moiraine about the dreams as well.) Those chapters did a very good job of conveying the 'hunted rat' sense of the chase. All because of Thorin Cauthon. Caemlyn was a relief. And when a book is making you feel stressed, relieved and happy within a span of a few pages, you know it's a good one.

I do have some criticism, though. I gotta say I was a bit underwhelmed with Perrin and Egwene's rescue. I wanted it to be something with Elyas and the wolves, and not without any involvement from the two prisoners, too. The way RJ went about this one felt a bit passive on the rescuee end of the rope. What if Perrin took the sharp rocks given by Byar, maliciously or otherwise, then came back just as Moiraine and Lan are starting their op, a la The Suicide Squad? Idk, I just like when imprisoned characters aren't just passive victims. (Side note: Lan's conversation with Perrin, loved that)

Another thing that kind of irks me is that so far, all the women of around Rand's age seem to be attracted to him. Egwene, that farm girl, Elayne. Even Min singled him out of the three boys (though that might have more to do with him probably being the Dragon Reborn) and I hope this isn't always a thing. Well, idk if Egwene is attracted to him, but she clearly cares about him a lot. It could have to do with the fact that he looks very different from everyone else on account of being half-Aielperson. (or full?) But I'm gonna trust Robert J to not make it like that.

That's all from me for now. I honestly can't wait to read ahead, I'm very excited for this story, especially now that a wider cast of characters has been introduced. Can't fucking wait.

Edit: shit, I forgot to write about Loial. He's an Ent! What's not to like? Quickbeam would be proud. Though I do have some questions about steddings (don't answer): what are they exactly? Habitats for endangered magical creatures? Perrin and Egwene stopped in a stedding. Why weren't there any Ogiers (Ogier?) there? What is it about them that prevents Aes Sedai as well as evil ravens from entering? How does creature magic work? Are they also bound by saidin and saidar or is that only for humans? Did Ogier build the White Bridge, like they built Caemlyn? Was their dominant time before or after Lews Therin's rampage? What forced them into obscurity? I wanna knoooooowwww (don't answer)

#wheel of time #read along #wot #books & libraries #long reads #i was so happy reading these chapters it was almost fan service #loving this book

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thepigeonsopinion · 3 years

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Guess who's the bish that just watched "Wishmaker"!...

I'm the bish that just watched "Wishmaker" if you didn't figure it out.

Anywho! Let's get on with it. Now, usually I would do a little (extremely detailed) summary of the episode, but I can guess that a lot, if not most of the fandom has seen the episode so I'm just going to skip that and dive straight into it!

Warning: Spoilers for "Wishmaker"

Anyway! Onto business, let's talk about my thoughts on the episode.

So, the beginning of the episode. I legit don't know why this triggered me (I absolutely know why this triggered me, but I don't want to admit it) but Marinette melting when she gave Adrien the flyer got me freaking laughing, probably because every time and I mean EVERY time the love square interacts (mainly adrinette) is so over used that I find it hilarious at this point (this is probably just me, but what the heck :p)((also this was kinda me salting on the LS, but remember this is just my opinion so please don't come at me :)). Continuing on to Alya's comment about if "being a superhero counts as a job" it sure as heck does, well mainly if your Marinette (also the reason why I'm talking about small details that happened in the episode is mainly because I'm re-watching the episode as I type this). Again I had a cackling moment when we had the Sadrien moment, which made me realize how mean and bad I am, but oh, well (i felt horrible when i cackled at this, but i felt really guilty afterwards) ((i might delete this part later, but idk)) Also, when Plagg presents the idea of them running a cheese shop together it made my heart melt because it shows how much Plagg cares about Adrien and how much he wants to stay with Adrien. Now, unto the part where Marinette explains to the kwamis what a career is and when I say I was laughing through this whole scene, I WAS laughing through this whole scene. Mainly because of all the comments that the kwamis gave to Marinette. Like, seriously many of the comments are very accurate and the one that broke me was when Xuppu said, "It's making presents for Adrien!", I was like "damn he legit just called you out Mari". Not to mention, when Ziggy drawled out AdRIen's name to showcase the amount of meaning Adrien has on her life. Also, Sass is legit the PERFECT kwami for Luka, and I am not exaggerating this. Sass literally was the only kwami that stood up and voiced out that they should listen to Marinette and that her opinion in this situation is the most important one, and I know for a fact that Luka would do the same if he was put into the same situation Sass was in. That small detail in the episode made my heart melt knowing how compatible Luka and Sass are.

Anyway! Moving on, Andre legit unintentionally (maybe?) roasted Alec on his show, I was like "damn he got you there" and he also roasted him with the sweet, delicious treat known as ice cream, damn that's got a hurt. Speaking of Andre, the story of how Andre found his career was really touching to me. The main reason of why he really pursued his ice cream business was because ice cream was what made him happy and he wanted to share that with the world. In summary, I find Andre's career story really touching and meaningful.

Continuing on, after Andre explained the ice cream flavors to Marinette, Luka "coincidentally" appeared right behind her right after Andre said "Pistachio and pecan for the clear-sighted young man". And, if you tell me that the pistachio is to represent Adrien, I would like to explain to you how that it is not accurate. I mean, legit this whole episode is to represent how both Adrien and Marinette are indecisive when it comes to their career choices, mainly because of all the things happening in their lives. Now, "clear-sighted" doesn't really suit Adrien in the context of the episode. In this episode, Adrien doesn't even have a clue on what he wants to do for the rest of his life, but Luka on the other hand is a representative at the fair for his school and is running a booth showing his career choice, that sounds like he fits the definition more accurately. Now, I know that the main reason of why people recognize that the pistachio is to represent Adrien is because it's the color green and Luka's color is not green, it's blue. But let me introduce Viperion. I mean, Viperion is literally just Luka, even if he has a mask on it's still Luka.

Anyway! Moving foward through the episode, when Luka said "buddies", I felt that. It legit broke my lukanette stan heart to hear him say that they were just "buddies", but I digress.

Ok, I know that the main reason why Alec is roasting everyone's career choice is for his show (and to hide his inner turmoil), but damn, tone it done a bit will ya. In the end, Luka showed him, even if his way of showing him was to hold up a violin to the sky and let the wind play the instrument was kinda weird, I support whatever this kind and understanding boy does.

I know it is justified that lukanette is strictly platonic because the LS is going to be endgame, but I can't help but fan girl when I see my ship holding hands. Not to mention, the look that Marinette gives Luka is a look of adoration and love(even if it's just platonic).

We would like to welcome Bipierion to the running again. Like, come on, you can't tell me that the scene with the three talking doesn't look just a tad romantic. This whole scene, made my Luka stan heart just palpitate wildly. I mean, this whole scene; no, this whole episode is a bunch of examples of how Luka is such a mature and understanding character. This scene alone made me love Luka's character even more! Also, we FINALLY get to see Luka play the violin (and not just with the wind this time hehehe ;)) and can I just say, I totally love this scene, not only because it's with Luka playing the violin (though that may be the main reason) it's because I also play the violin so I kinda relate to this scene.

Continuing on with the episode, when Alec went into his inner turmoil and main backstory of why he is the way that he is, I was like, now I feel bad about him being trashed on, but he kinda deserved it soooo...Moving along! So, Wishmakers design. I don't know why, but Wishmakers design reminds me of Venom, or more specifically a drag queen version of Venom. And I fully support that, I mean you go get it, slay girl! Even if you are a villian.

So, Jagged’s childhood dream was to be a crocodile. I mean, I get a lot of people's childhood dreams were a bit far-fetched, but okay, you do you. Also, Mr. Banana's childhood dream was to be a cucumber? Umm ok...Anyway! Luka prioritizing others above himself, is just the icing of the cake as a Luka stan. (Not to mention, Luka already fully excepting Jagged as a dad is sooo, I can't express it into words how much I love that.)((Also, Jagged can't swim. Noted.)) Also, Luka and Jagged having a conversation about how Jagged wanted to be a crocodile as a kid, but he can't swim is so funny to me. And it also portrays more of Luka and Jagged's relationship a bit more, so I appreciate that.

It's time for a small detail mention! Luka's head tilt when he saw the dino huggie just made my Luka stan heart melt! Moving along, we get Luka or Viperion saving everyone, which just gave me a sense of joy! Also, Marinette as the knitting-fairy was so adorable!

Anywho, continuing on with the episode, with Luka finding out Marinette is Ladybug, you can see the realization in Luka's face when he realizes that the secret that she kept from him was that she was Ladybug, and you can hear the shakiness in his voice when he uses Second Chance after that, which shows even more how shocked he is. But, he still keeps his focus on the battle because now he has to protect Marinette's identity, which is just another of the many reason of why I love Luka's character. Ok, I have a small nitpick at this scene, and even though it's just a small detail in the scene I can't help, but comment on it. I know that Chat Noir is not in the right state of mind during that moment, but did he seriously not hear Viperion when he warned him to duck? But then again, I digress.

Moving on, I felt that, when Adrien found out that his childhood dream was to be what his parents wanted to be, because I also want to do that to, or mainly to just make them proud. Anyway, enough about me, let's continue on with the episode! Luka's face when he saw that Adrien was Chat Noir, really made me sympathize him. Because in Luka's eyes he finds out that are truly good partners (and I refuse to say "meant to be" because just no) and it is pretty obvious that he still has feelings for Marinette and that finding out that both Ladybug and Chat Noir are Marinette and Adrien must've broke his heart. I mean, you would react the same way if you found out that your crushes crush is their partner in crime (as some people might say).

Moving on! Umm, Barney is that you? I'm sorry I just really wanted to comment on that, also Lukadrien moment? Not to mention, how the heck can that dino huggie jump so high but hit the ground with a rumble? Then again, I'm not good with physics.

Okay, so let's quickly talk about Luka lying to Ladybug about knowing both the superheros identities. So, we know for a fact that Luka hates or at least dislikes lying, but in this moment he chose to lie, because he knows that it was the best option in this situation. The reason behind this is because he wants to protect Marinette, and I know that might sound confusing, but let me explain. Luka knows Marinette fairly well, and he knows that she has a tendency to overthink and freak out, so if Luka did tell her that he found out Marinette would freak out and start to think it's all her fault and that she should've been more careful and so on and so forth. This would make her a perfect victim for a akuma and Luka knows better than to let that happen, so he does one thing he knows will protect her, he lies to her.

Contiuing on, when Marinette said, "I will be Luka's best friend and I will love Adrien", I literally face palmed. I mean, I get it that the LS is bound to be endgame, but come on! Do we really need another reminder that it will happen eventually? Also, drag queen Alec? YASS QUEEN! SLAY QUEEN, SLAY!

And with that, we come to the end of the episode! So, I enjoyed the episode fairly well, with the exception of all the moments I salted it. But there are still so many questions that I have that are yet to be answered. Like, now that Luka knows both Ladybug and Chat Noir's secret identities, how will that revelation affect Luka's character in the show? Will their be others who find out their identities, and if so, how? (aka Alix) Will Luka's revelation affect how much screen time he gets on the show? And if so, will it increase or decrease? Will Alya find out that Luka knows? And, so much more. Not to mention, my opinion on Luka's revelation.

So, as I scroll through my social media, mainly instagram, I see posts where people read Luka's revelation as a way for him to also realize that the LS or Marinette and Adrien are "meant to be together", and though I respect those people's opinion, I don't really agree with it. I believe that Luka's revelation is just that. It's him finding out the truth that Marinette kept from him, and whether he decides to act more or be there more because of this is up to the writers and creators of the show. But I don't truly believe that that was a way to show that he ships them. I think he mainly supports Marinette's decisions and will always be there for her. And the reason of why I say this is because it is clear that Luka still has feelings for Marinette. I mean, come on, as I said in one of my comments during the episode, the realization on his face when he found out Chat's identity was full of sadness, contemplation, and maybe a bit of hurt. Which tells me that Luka still has at least some romantic feelings for Marinette. Not only that, he did the thing that he hates or dislikes most, lying, to protect her. But all in all I still enjoyed the episode and I can't wait to see where this revelation takes us.

I hope everyone has a great rest of their day and as always remember...

But that's just my opinion (・ε・)

(This took me FOREVER to finish, but at least it states my opinion and my little thoughts throughout the episode, even if it is a bit jumbled up :))

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aiiwa · 4 years

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BIG BABY — AZUMANE ASAHI.

— azumane asahi; gen. neutral reader.

⤷ genre: fluff

⤷ warnings: slightly suggestive

⤷ word count: 1.0k

— a/n: ahhh this is for 🦉-anon request for asahi’s s/o playing with his hair and him falling asleep on them 🥺

this is like my first actual fic on here haha so this gives everyone an idea of my writing style i guess, idk if i know how to write fluff properly lmao. i also have no self-restraint.

it was the warm morning after a night shared together, one to add to the list of many others, with certainly more to come. yet last night was the first since asahi’s return from europe.

you weren’t against admitting the three long months apart from him were far from easy. between both of your schedules; your back-to-back college assignments, juggling extended hours at your part-time job and his never-ending meetings for his fashion design internship in paris - keeping in contact was...an unavoidable struggle. the time difference was the worst of it all. missed calls and falling asleep during facetime dates, were brushed aside by apologetic texts, and promises to try again the following day. not to forget the lack of physical touch you craved.

either way, it was tough but together the two of you made it work. and it had paid off.

you were the first to wake, unsurprisingly; even if the comfort of your shared mattress had made it difficult to do so. the heat of the sun lingered across your bare back and the dip leading underneath the thin white sheet. asahi’s thick, heavy arm anchored you to him.

shifting your face away from the crook of his neck, you could feel the strands of your hair sticking to your forehead - you weren’t too certain if it was caused by sunrise piercing through the uncovered windows or the living furnace you were cuddled up to. peeking open an eye, you took in his sleeping form.

his thin lips were parted, snores escaping. the loud roars clashed with the musical chirps of the birds outside your bedroom window. you held in the giggle that threatened to disturb the serenity. it had been much too long since you had heard him like this, in person was definitely much preferred over the static facetime calls. his skin glowed gold under the sunlight, the chiseled contours of his cheekbones brushed against his long lashes. his unruly hair, deep caramel, flared across his pillow and flopped over his eyes.

moving your hand across the panes of his steady chest, reaching up to tug at the defiant locks, and push them away from his face. you watched as his thick brows furrowed, his nose twitching, before his eyes opened and greeted yours.

mellow, teak coloured eyes stole your attention. you stared at each other; time once an enemy, was now unmoving and ignored in the embrace of your lover. your hand trailed down the side of his face, tracing the side of his sharp jaw, and pressing against the whiskers tickling your palm. he leaned into your hand, almost purring, before blessing you with a sleepy grin.

“mornin’ bubba,” asahi rasped.

you felt hot under his scorching gaze, hearing his voice directly in your ear was doing things to you. “hi,” you whispered back.

his large hand moved down from your hips, and under the sheet to give you a loving squeeze. he had grown out of his fumbling, anxiety-ridden high school self, just as you had stopped gasping at any intimacy when the two of you had first gotten together.

the smile that graced your lips, deepened, as you pushed your body closer to his. leaning down, he pressed his lips to yours. the tenderness of the kiss had your head swirling, eyes fluttering closed as he consumed your senses. the familiar taste of asahi’s cocoa butter lip balm was welcomed, and if you focused even more you could probably taste the tell-tale honeyed hint of last night, as his tongue brushed sensually against your own. after a beat, he slowly pulled away from you.

“i can’t get enough of you.” he murmured. “waking up to you in my arms every morning, i missed this so damn much, y/n.”

“it feels so good to have you back...i-i missed you too, ‘sahi.” his eyes shot to yours when you choked on your words, worried, though he relaxed a bit when you offered a loving smile. “maybe i was spoiling you too much?” you tease, tittering.

your shriek of laughter was sharp, as he suddenly tore away the thin sheet covering your bare bodies. goosebumps prickled across your skin, though went unnoticed as asahi easily flipped you onto your back, strong thighs straddling your own. your breath hitched, taking in the sight before you.

even years after his high school volleyball days, asahi maintained his glorious figure, much to his pride and your appreciation. your eyes, like lasers, memorised the bulk of his shoulders, dipping down to the taut ridges of his abs, and following snail trail leading to-

blood rushed to your face as you took him in fully. you could feel the vibrations from his body as he chuckled at your expression. leaning down over you, pushing himself up by his forearms.

“it’s probably the other way around, bubba.” asahi shot back, nudging your knees apart with his own, before plopping himself right between your legs. he sighed instantly, “nope. it’s definitely you spoiling me.”

he nuzzled his face into the softness of your belly, peppering loving kisses that tickled, and pulling your legs to squish against him snugly. like second-nature, you lifted your hand to play with his silky hair. he crooned at the feeling of your fingers massaging his scalp, lying his cheek flat against your stomach as his arms reached up just to feel you.

“just wanna lay here...forever...with you…” asahi hummed drowsily against you. “mmm...forever…”

the smile that tugged at your lips was filled with adoration of your man lying in between your legs. continuing to drag your fingers through the silken, caramel-coloured strands, you could feel him begin to dose off. tilting your head back into your fluffy pillow, eyes closed, you could feel sleep reaching out to you as well. but not before his voice, thick with the sleep, called out to you once more.

“y/n...i love you...sleep now...” he was out like a light.

you laughed breathily, tugging at his hair. “i love you too, my big baby.”

#haikyuu imagines #asahi x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #azumane asahi #azumane asahi x reader #haikyuu asahi #haikyuu requests #karasuno #haikyuu!!#aishi requests #haikyuu boyfriend #asahi

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overdramaticly-dying · 5 years

Text

Want a New Show to Watch??

Ok, so, you wanna know a show that’s incredibly underrated, is being treated terribly by its studio, and has a lot of its fans terrified that it’ll be ending prematurely?

Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

This show deserves so much more love and attention, so here’s a list of why you should at least give it a chance:

1. The Family Dynamic

I’m starting with this one because its probably my favourite thing about the show, and the thing that got me hooked in the first place- the family dynamic in this is incredibly sweet and enduring, but it’s not overkill either.

They explore and show a lot of heartwarming moments, but also display their family dynamic in a really natural way too- it never seems fake. they also have genuine struggles as they try to work through their differences, and it feels real.

(the sibling interactions are on point btw)

(also there’s a lot of hugs)

2. The Storyline

I know a lot of cartoons now share the ‘starting out as just a fun cartoon, then later becoming more serious,’ but I still need to mention that the way it escalates seems natural and well-paced.

If you’ve watched previous TMNT shows, then yes, it does seem a lot more comedic and different than what the other incarnations gave, but that’s what I love about it- it’s a lot different.

But if you’ve never watched or read anything TMNT- guess what? You’ll still really enjoy it because you don’t need any previous experience with anything TMNT!! They explain everything simply and introduce the characters and what they stand for almost immediately.

What I’m trying to say is, it has a really good plot that’s entertaining but also filled with the world’s lore.

And character development?? Hell yeah! There’s a lot of it to go around at first (although the show does take a somewhat slower approach to it).

which brings us to the next part...

3. Characters!

Obviously, the main characters in this show are great- you got the four turtles and Splinter, and a really colourful cast of villains. But the thing I love the most about the cast is how diverse they are!!

Not to mention the girls in this show feel like real characters. And I don’t mean they have traumatic backstories and stuff, I mean they’re treated the same way all the male characters are. And I know this might sound like a small factor, but there aren’t exactly a lot of shows (especially action cartoons) where it isn’t drilled into you that the girls in the show ‘are strong fighters, wow look at them!’

its never brought to attention that they’re different, just like... yeah, ofc she can fight, of course she has just as much personality as the guys...

Look at these girls, I love them

Also, bonus: as of right now, there’s no forced romance! There’s mention of a past romance, but other than that?? Nope, none. And it’s great.

4. The Animation/Action

I felt like these kinda go together, but this show is absolutely STUNNING, and the action sequences are so much fun to watch- I admittedly look away a lot of times when watching action shows, but I literally watch every scene of this show. It's really captivating and easy to watch- just look

IT’S BEAUTIFUL

Not to mention the character designs are adorable??? And just look at some of these backgrounds

5. The Comedy

Ok, so this show does have a more comedic side to it than previous incarnations, but I have to say that it’s actually a really funny show- or at least to me- everyone has a different sense of humor of course, but speaking from a personal opinion, this show is freakin hilarious.

When I first heard what people were saying about it, I assumed rottmnt would have a lot of crude humor, which... isn’t really my thing. I tend to find it annoying more than humourous (again, just my taste), but it actually doesn’t have very much??? Not to the point where I found myself annoyed with it, or even noticing it.

instead, the comedy is more on situation jokes- idk if that's the right way to say it, but like, the jokes relate to whatever situation they’re currently in, their interactions together (A+ sibling interactions, seriously guys) along with a healthy dose of running gags- and there’s also a bunch of TMNT easter eggs in the show, so it turns out to really be a fun time

In conclusion:

This show is really good, and honestly deserves SO much more attention, so please give it a try if you haven’t already.

I briefly mentioned before that it’s being mistreated, and it is- Nick is taking it off-air in certain countries, it hardly gets any advertising or merch- it really seems like they’re trying to kill it, and with no news of a season three, a lot of us in the fandom are concerned.

Please please please give this show a chance, it’s genuinely amazing, and it tends to be ignored.

I know this show has it’s fair share of long-time tmnt haters since its so much different, but the way I see it is this: It is different, and that’s good. we’ll probably always get another TMNT show sooner or later, so the fact that this one, in particular, is straying from what we’re used to isn’t bad. I love how different it is! And if you still don’t like it, that’s fine! No one ever said you had to like it!

And if you’re hesitant to watch it because you’ve never watched anything TMNT before- don’t be! It’s really great, and deserves to at least be given a chance!

#Rise of the tmnt #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt 2018 #leonardo tmnt #mikey tmnt #raph tmnt #donnie tmnt #I'm just really hung up over the news ok?#this is my way of dealing

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sluttyten · 4 years

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hi hi 🥰 idk how these work but i really love your blog so here goes nothing, I guess??? i was wondering if you could write something about Johnny with numbers 19 and 34 on that list 👀 they both ooze Johnny vibes 🤤

“Did you just look me up and down and then bite your lip? ‘Cause if you did we’re having sex. Right now.” + (there is no 34, so I did 33.) “Isn’t this considered public indecency? We could get arrested!” + johnny

It didn’t matter that you were out at a company dinner, the CEO sitting just a few feet away from you. Johnny Suh, the head of the marketing department, was sitting beside you and being incredibly flirtatious throughout the evening. Not just with you, though. It seemed being flirtatious was just a part of his personality. But mostly, he flirted with you, or he was at least flirting most intensely with you.

He didn’t touch the others when he talked to them, but only a few minutes into the dinner, he would touch your arm lightly as he spoke to you. Each time he withdrew from you, your body longed for the feel of his warm hands on you again, which he fulfilled again and again only to pull them away too quickly.

And when he spoke to you, he held such intense direct eye contact as he smiled in a tender and bright way. Every time he did that you felt like you were burning up from the inside out.

Everything about Johnny was incendiary, and as he looked at you, the world around you both burst into flames and you were quickly reaching your melting point.

This was meant to be a sort of meeting as well as just a dinner for your CEO to express his gratitude for an extraordinarily good quarter. But, to be frank, you’d not heard a single thing that was said after the appetizers were served because that was when Johnny had reached his arm around the back of your chair. The movement was casual as he leaned back in his seat, put his arm behind your shoulders, spread his legs like he was just getting comfortable. But his thumb traced distracting circles on the back of your shoulder until your mind was fuzzy and it took all your focus to just be able to lift the fork to your mouth and chew, although you didn’t taste it one bit.

You felt like a hot mess with him touching you like that, all simple and casual. Yet there was some level of intimacy to it. A hidden touch, small and soft.

Your gaze slid over to him, and Johnny smiled at you, his thumb suddenly moving in a soothing arc now. “Is that good?” Johnny asked.

Admittedly it took you a moment to realize that Johnny meant the food you were supposed to be enjoying, not the way he was touching you. So you nodded your head dumbly for a second, then answered aloud, “It’s wonderful.”

That seemed a good enough answer for Johnny, who then withdrew his arm from the back of your chair to sit forward and finally begin eating his own appetizer.

Your shoulder tingled where he’d been touching you. You took a moment to collect yourself, breathing in through your nose, out through your mouth. You pushed away the lustful thoughts invading your mind, half dreamy fantasies, half reality. Because this wasn’t the first time things had been like this with Johnny.

When you first began working at this company, you and Johnny were both nobodies. Just employees in a company that was quickly growing and rising in the world of business. You’d started at the same time, and although you were in different departments, back then the whole office was just one small floor of a rented building. With limited space, you and Johnny were relegated to a corner by yourselves, and a friendship quickly grew.

He was handsome and kind, smart and generous with helping you solve any issues that came up. He was funny and flirty and creative, always stunning you with the elaborate marketing strategies he care up with. That was probably why he was promoted rather quickly, just a few months in.

The company was expanding, moving to a larger office a few blocks away. There was going to be more room for each department to actually have their own designated area, so no more of you and Johnny hanging out together in your corner. He had his own desk in his own section of the new building, more responsibilities, less time to hang out with you. Even outside of work, when you’d often celebrated Friday nights by drinking together with a few other coworkers, now Johnny had to stay later, so he began arriving late to these after-work celebrations until he slowly began showing up later and later, and then not at all.

Around the one-year mark of you both being with the company, there was a surge and the company’s value grew exponentially and then continued to steadily rise for weeks. A party was planned by your CEO, his smile wide on his face, drunk on happiness and a newfound wealth, so he invited everyone out.

Johnny was always flirty, so when he approached you that night at the club where you were all celebrating, you didn’t let yourself get your hopes up. He usually would smile and say cheeky things to you, but then as soon as the next pretty woman walked by, he would turn his attention on her, leveling it up if she seemed interested. But that night he didn’t do that. All of his attention was solely on you.

All dark eyes, warm smiles, the smell of his cologne going to your head and bringing you in. You hadn’t had much to drink really, and you weren’t sure how deep in Johnny was, but he held a drink in his hand. So you were plenty sober as you leaned into him, letting Johnny slide an arm around your waist.

In the dim lighting of the club, everything illuminated only occasionally by a strobe of bright white, but otherwise only beams of colored lights swooped around the room, and among it all you stood close enough to Johnny that you could make sense of every feature of his face even when the club was at its darkest. But then there would be a stroke of violet light over his cheek, bringing out the shadowy curve of his mouth, and you couldn’t help stroking his cheek in the same path as the light, thumbing along the outline of his bottom lip.

Feeling the confident and flirtatious Johnny Suh relax into your touch, hearing him sharply inhale, that was quite a headspinning thing. To catch him off guard was a feat.

You’d felt his breath on your lips, his hand on your back slipping beneath your shirt to spark flames over your skin, spreading like wildfire, the hunger for him consuming you.

You wanted to hold him there against you, drag him into a dark corner of the club to have him positively ravish you. You wanted also to drag him out to dance, feel him pressed hot and sweaty and hard against you in the press of all the people. You wanted simply to give yourself over to him, because as he caressed your hip, you knew that Johnny would treat you right. You wanted simply to kiss him.

And in the end, you got none of that.

“Johnny!” Someone called as they swung by, their hand smacking his arm.

Just like that, the spell was broken, your wildfire extinguished as the hand on Johnny’s arm tightened and yanked him away, lost into the crowd within a second.

After that, things were back to normal when you bumped into Johnny in the elevator or when you bother happened to be grabbing coffee from the vendor in the building’s lobby. He was all warm smiles and loud laughter, but he didn’t mention what had almost happened at the club, and neither did you.

Things were perfectly normal for ages until you received your promotion to head of your department. Late nights meant that now you weren’t able to make it to those Friday night after-work celebrations, it meant instead that you sat in your new office and looked out the window at the city and at the screen of your computer and you wished that when you finished your work you wouldn’t be going home to an empty apartment with leftovers in the fridge and a short shower, then a brief night in a lonely bed.

It took Johnny three weeks to come congratulate you.

The sky outside was fading from the warm, deep blue that preludes sunset to the soft pink and vibrant orange and marigold of sunset in its fullness when Johnny knocked on the door of your office and peered inside.

“Johnny!” You leaned back in your chair and smiled up at him. “How do I look?”

“Like royalty over here in your private office.” His grin started a flutter in your belly, but you pushed that down. “I guess, uh, congratulations. Now we’re both where we used to dream of. Both department heads with our own offices. Feels like forever since we were just sharing that tiny corner desk.”

Those were simpler days. Happier days when you had his attention for hours at a time.

“You can come inside. You don’t have to stand out there.” You gesture to a second chair you have sitting adjacent to yours. “Unless you’re busy.”

Johnny shakes his head. “I’m not. But, aren’t you? I don’t want to interrupt and force you to stay later than you have to.”

“It was nothing much. You’re much more important,” you say. “Please? I feel like we haven’t talked in forever.”

So Johnny comes in and he sits and talks and flirts and laughs. When you break off mid-sentence to groan and kick off your shoes, complaining that they’ve been pinching your toes for hours, Johnny utterly surprises you by reaching down to take hold of your ankle, drawing your foot up into his lap.

“Is this okay?” He asks, his thumb drawing a line down the sole of your foot that has you twitching in his grasp. “Ticklish?”

“A little,” you admit. “But if you’re offering a foot massage, Suh, I’m not going to turn it down.”

And Johnny just smiles and gets to work massaging your sore foot.

It’s a strange feeling that. Having him sitting in your office, the atmosphere so comfortable and casual despite the long months of you barely seeing or speaking to each other. Having him massaging your foot and watching you as you talk, his gaze intent on your face until finally you drop your foot back to the floor as his hand has started wandering up your ankle to your calf muscle.

“Sorry,” Johnny murmurs. When he drops his head and looks down at his hands in his lap, you think that’s probably the first time you’ve seen him embarrassed.

You reach out, touch his knee lightly and say, “It’s okay. I should probably just finish this so I can get home. I was starting to feel too relaxed, you know?” You laugh and turn back to your computer. It takes all of two seconds of you staring at the screen to realize that you’re as done for the evening as you’re going to be. You were at a stopping point on what you were doing, which doesn’t even have to be done tonight, and also now that you’ve had Johnny so close and touching you, you find you can’t concentrate anyway.

“Actually. I think I’d better just head home.” You tell him as you save your work and push back from your desk.

Johnny looks up from where he was flexing his fingers in his lap. “Do you want me to walk you down? It’s already dark out.” He nods past you at the window where the city lights glow from every window and the moon is just a visible sliver between the clouds.

“Would you?” You slip your shoes back onto your feet, grab your jacket and your bag, and then you’re ready to go.

Johnny holds a respectable distance from you as you walk toward the elevator, almost as if he’s aware of the space between you and must maintain at least a seven inch distance at all times. He lets you step into the elevator first and then he follows and, after pressing the button to take you down to the parking garage, he plants himself on the opposite side of the elevator from you. He folds his arms over his chest and looks down at the floor.

You don’t like this new silence. The way he seems to be thinking too much about something. So you say, “You know, you could be a real masseuse with skills like that. My feet don’t even hurt anymore. Almost put me to sleep though and I could’ve gotten for trouble sleeping on the job. I’d rate you 9 stars out of 10 on Yelp.”

That gets a laugh out of him. “I’m pretty sure that Yelp is a five star system, but I’ll take a 9 out of 10.” He looks at you then from beneath his eyelashes. “I was actually wondering—“

What Johnny was wondering, you don’t get to find out. The elevator comes to a halt, dings, and then the doors open onto the third floor of the building, but there’s no one waiting there, and in the few seconds it takes for the doors to close again, no one reappears, and whatever Johnny wanted to ask you must have exited on that floor because he goes quiet again.

The next time the doors open, you see the parking garage in front of you, all it’s dark corners and drippy walls, the orange fluorescent lights that sometimes flicker in a way that haunts your nightmares. But with Johnny walking beside you, it doesn’t feel as gruesome and creepy as normal. His presence at your side is comforting, making you feel safe.

Somewhere in the parking garage, tires squeal on the floor, and you shudder at the sound.

“Are you cold?” Johnny asks.

In the very next instant you could easily answer him that you don’t know the meaning of cold. His arm goes around your shoulders, tucking you against his side. Your body floods with heat. His familiar scent of cologne surrounds you, his hand moves up and down your arm as if to warm you, and although it definitely is a bit nippy in this damp parking garage on an early winter night, it’s by no means that cold.

But you can’t dream of complaining.

Johnny walks you to your car like that. He doesn’t say a thing when you slip your arm around his waist, hugging yourself against him as if you truly are cold, and not as if you just want to feel him like that. When you look up at his face you see that he is smiling, a half-smile like he’s trying not to let it show.

And when you reach your car and have to sadly detach yourself from him side, you fumble with you keys for a second before finally unlocking your car and swinging the door open. But you don’t get inside just yet. You stand there, turned to face Johnny who rests his arm on the door to hold it open for you.

“I’ve missed you, Johnny,” you admit then. “I miss talking to you like we used to. Hanging out together, getting drinks on Friday nights.”

Johnny clears his throat, and for the first time that you can remember, he breaks eye contact first. He glances around the garage as he says, “I’ve missed that too. The guys in my department aren’t as much fun as you. And the women get offended when I flirt, like they think I’m serious. You know I’m never serious with anyone.” His eyes return to meet yours, and the way he looks at you makes you feel like there’s something else unspoken.

You bite at your bottom lip, tearing at a piece of skin with your teeth.

Johnny sighs and gingerly touches his thumb below your lip, dragging down slightly until you release your lip. “That’s such a bad habit of yours. Biting your lip like that.”

“I know.” You feel magnetized with his eyes still on yours, his skin against yours in even such a tiny way.

Maybe you imagine things in the shakiness of the fluorescent lighting. Maybe Johnny doesn’t start to lean toward you. Maybe he doesn’t lick his lips and hungrily lower his gaze to yours. Maybe Johnny was going to kiss you.

But a distant bang of a door has you both jolting apart.

“Uhh, it’s getting late.” You fall down into the seat of your car. “I should probably head home. I’ll see you tomorrow. Or, well, on Monday.”

Johnny nods. “Right. See you Monday.”

And you did see him on Monday, getting coffee at the same time in the lobby, and you took a few handfuls of minutes to talk over your coffee and then you had to actually get to work. And for several Monday’s after that, that’s how things went. That night in the parking garage went unspoken, but every time you thought about it you felt doused in gasoline, and just one spark of the memory set your whole body alight.

It didn’t help either that even though Johnny had only been in your office once, the space seemed to still smell like his cologne. A month later and it still smelled like him.

Coffee Mondays became your favorite day of the week. The way Johnny looked at you over coffee sometimes had your head spinning until noon, trying to decipher if you were just reading your own emotions reflecting off of him, or if Johnny was genuinely looking at you with affection and desire in his eyes.

Which brings you back to the present, sitting there at the dinner.

The waiter comes to take away your appetizer plate, bringing you your entree instead. Johnny’s deep in conversation with the man on his other side, and you’ve just started to eat when you feel Johnny’s knee bump against yours under the table. At first you think it’s nothing, but then he does it again. And then his ankle and foot press against yours.

He lifts his glass of wine, takes a sip as he’s nodding at the man, and then he turns to you. He raises an eyebrow at you as if you are the one touching him, and he draws his leg away. You must frown slightly because Johnny smiles.

“What?” He asks, and then his knee nudges yours again.

“What are you doing? Do you have restless legs?” You take a bite of your dinner.

Johnny smiles teasingly. “I’m not doing anything.”

At that moment, your CEO calls Johnny’s name. His head whips around so fast, the teasing smile drops, and Johnny is the picture of perfection and serious attention. “Yes, sir?”

A few minutes pass and you finish your meal as the meeting goes on around you. Your department isn’t truly crucial to the topic of the meeting, and you weren’t going to complain about a free meal at a nice restaurant. So you clear your plate, the waiter takes it away, and he refills your wine glass for you.

When dessert arrives with more refills of the wine glasses, people begin leaving their seats at the table, moving around the private room to chat with others, to go out for a smoke or to use the toilet, to kiss the CEO’s ass, etcetera. You’re still sitting in your seat, enjoying your wine while the Head of Sales leans against the table beside you and chats, grinning down at you, bragging on himself in a way that’s not at all attractive.

“Hey.” Johnny drapes his arm around the back of your chair again, staring up at the other man. “How’s your wife? How far along is she now?”

“She’s fine. Four months.” The Head of Sales buries himself in his glass, and a second later, turns and walks away.

Johnny clears his throat and taps his fingers on your shoulder. “That guy is a skeeze. His wife is pregnant and he’s flirting with any woman he sets his eyes on.”

You take a sip from your wine and look at Johnny, raising your eyebrows. “And what about you? You flirt with any woman you set your eyes on.”

“I haven’t gotten anyone pregnant, and I’m not married.” He tells you. “Plus, I usually don’t mean it.”

“Well, how is anyone supposed to know if you mean it or not?” You swirl the wine around your glass, watching the way that the wine moves. “Like, if you’re constantly flirting, how is the person who you’re genuinely flirting with supposed to know that you’re for real?”

Johnny’s arm slides from around your shoulders, and then he touches your knee and says your name. “Don’t you know?”

You sit the glass down as your hand is shaking from sudden nerves, and you look over at him to see him smiling. You groan, “Johnny, don’t mess around with me.”

The smile drops from his face, and his brows run together. “I’m not.”

“Johnny.” Your voice shakes slightly. If he’s being dead fucking serious, if those previous times hadn’t just been your imagination.... You don’t know what to do with yourself. You look away from his eyes, letting your gaze trail down to his perfect lips, stained a little by his wine. You look lower, down to the collar of his shirt which is unbuttoned just one or two buttons too far, and from there your gaze just slides lower. His legs are still spread wide, and you can see a bit of a bulge between his legs. Quickly, you look back up to his eyes.

Johnny’s looking at you too.

For a moment it’s silent, and then, he says, “Did you just look me up and down and then bite your lip?” Suddenly you realize that, yes, you are biting your lip. You release it, though remembering the last time Johnny confronted you about that habit, you consider biting it again to see if things can go like the last time. Johnny squeezes his hand on your knee. “‘Cause if you did we’re having sex. Right now.”

A hot surge flashes through you.

“Johnny.” You whine his name, looking around the table to see if anyone’s listening.

“Yeah?” He squeezes your knee again before pulling away, sitting back to look at you. “Please tell me that I haven’t ruined everything. Tell me I haven’t been reading everything wrong between us.”

“I think I’m not feeling well enough to stay. Maybe too much to drink.” You push back from the table. You sway on your feet, but it’s not from the wine, rather from the way that Johnny’s still looking at you, the things he’s just been saying. He reaches a hand out to steady you, and you clasp it. “Johnny, do you think you could walk me to my car?”

He nods. “Of course.”

He helps you over to the CEO where you both make your apologies for leaving early, using the excuse that you’ve had too much to drink and Johnny’s just going to make sure you get home safe.

Your unsteadiness at least helps along that perception that Johnny’s helping you, and if any of your coworkers notice the pair of you leaving early, you hope they think it’s just that. You don’t want any rumors swirling about you and Johnny, no matter if they are true.

“I don’t think you should drive home.” Johnny says, and as you step outside the restaurant, he drapes your coat over your shoulders, looping his arm around your waist as he leads you across the parking lot. He fumbles with your car keys which he’d fished out of your pocket, and he says, “I didn’t think you drank that much?”

“I didn’t.” You slip your arms around Johnny’s waist. “But nobody inside knows that.”

Johnny swears under his breath. “Are you serious? But what was that whole thing about you not feeling well, needing to leave? I thought you wanted to end that awkward situation?”

“No.” You shake your head. “I wanted out of there and it was because of what you said, but I swear, you didn’t ruin anything.” You look him in the eyes, drop your gaze in that familiar trail to his lips, his gaping collar, down to the front of his pants, then back up to his eyes.

“Fuck.” Johnny groans.

He slides his hand behind your head. You twist your fingers in his coat. You both drag at each other, and when Johnny’s mouth crashes against yours, you moan, clutching him tighter. Johnny leans you back against the side of your car, and he presses up against you, hard against your hip as he deepens the kiss. You try to pull him closer, but there’s no way he can get closer, so you hungrily kiss him, feeling yourself getting hotter and hotter.

Johnny slows the kiss, laughing when you whine and keep trying to kiss him.

You slide your hand down his coat to cup his bulge.

“Isn’t this considered public indecency?” Johnny sighs when you start kissing his throat as well as palming his dick. “We could get arrested!”

“Then we could get in the car.” You suggest. “And wasn’t it your idea for us to have sex right now?”

Johnny steps back, and the tone of his voice when he tells you, “Get in the car then,” you immediately do as he says.

You slide across the back seat, quickly undoing your pants, kicking them off onto the floor as Johnny fills in the rest of the back seat and shuts the door behind him. You climb into his lap, sinking down over him and holding him by the collar.

“Pretty sure this still isn’t wholly legal,” Johnny says.

“That’s okay, we won’t be caught.” You draw his mouth to yours again.

There are so many times that you’d imagined doing this. Nights alone where your fantasies drifted towards Johnny, the broad expanse of his chest, his thighs and hands, his lovely lips. You’d dreamt of having him in every way.

Johnny’s erection grows beneath you, his tongue in your mouth, his hands sliding up and down your thighs, with each pass rising higher until his fingertips brush the edge of your lacy panties, and the next time they dip inside.

You moan and push back against his hands. Your fingers work quickly down the buttons of his shirt, and then you push the fabric away, getting your hands on his hot skin, your thumbs brush over his nipples. Johnny grunts, lifting his hips to grind between your legs.

“Do you like that?” You tease. You run your thumbs over his nipples again. Johnny opens his eyes slowly to look at you, and his gaze is so dark and heavy. You fall back onto his thighs, bite your lip and look at him, waiting.

With his hands still on your ass, Johnny pulls you forward again until your knees hit the seat and you’re settled right on his bulge once more. “I want you here.”

You swallow, reach back to take one of his hands, and you bring it forward between your legs as you rise up a little on your knees, giving just enough space that Johnny’s fingers slide over your panties to where you’ve made your panties damp. “And I want you here.”

“You’re going to be the end of me, I swear it.” Johnny groans. “I’ve wanted you so badly from day one, having you here like this finally, fuck.”

“Exactly. I’m here. Fuck me.” You slide his hand over you again, letting out a soft barely-there whimper. “I’m tired of all this flirting, just fuck me, make this real.”

Johnny kisses you again, moving you backwards until your shoulders have slipped between the front seats, pressing you down so your back lays against the center console. It’s a tight fit, but you do fit, and now you gaze up at Johnny breathlessly. The light spilling through the windshield half-blinds you, but you don’t need to see to feel overwhelmed as Johnny’s fingers skim over your thighs and your hips, over your belly, up under your shirt for a second before coming back out to take hold of your shirt.

“Can I take it off?” He asks, and at your nod, he pulls it up over your head, dropping it into the passenger seat.

You feel cold and exposed stretched out fully visible in the front seat like that, wearing only your bra and panties, all your skin exposed to the parking lot lights and any eyes that might happen to glance through your car window. But with Johnny looking at you as he is, you feel fire racing under your skin, unable to look away from him as he lowers his head to your belly and kisses, trailing those kisses lower and lower, over your panties until you feel his hot breath against your pussy through your panties.

“Johnny,” you gasp his name, drag your fingers against your car seats.

He smirks, kissing your thighs, and then sits up, drags your panties down in one swift move, casting them into the shadow of the back seat. It is a tight squeeze as he bends down again to lick at you, but with his hands under your hips, Johnny lifts you up to his face.

You’re not sure what to do with your hands when Johnny first licks over your bare pussy. You want to bury them in his hair, to hold his hands, to touch yourself too, to do so many things. But instead you just moan for him and clench your hands into fists on the seats.

Johnny’s talented with his tongue, quickly pushing you close to the edge, humming against you as you start rocking your hips against his face.

And then he sits back, sinking into the shadows of the backseat.

“Johnny!” You gasp, groaning as you attempt to pull yourself up from where he’s got you. “I was getting close, why’d you stop?”

“Patience.” Johnny chastises you. And then you realize that he’s unfastening his pants, getting his dick out. “I don’t think I’ll last seeing you cum, and the last thing I want is to cum in my pants the first time I’m with you. Or even when I’m with you. Like, ideally I could cum in you or on you.”

You whine, sinking back down onto your back, spreading your legs as much as you can in the space. “You’re talking too much. Fuck me, please.”

Johnny complies quickly, yanking on your hips a bit roughly, to your pleasure, and then he moves forward. His dick presses against your entrance, his thumb strokes your thigh, and Johnny tells you, “Relax.”

You are relaxed. He’s just got a big cock, you realize as you look down at him, seeing the full length and girth of it, about to enter you. A strange thrill and nervousness pass through you, but you want him. You still want him so much, and you reach for him. Johnny offers you a hand and you pull it up toward your chest.

“Relax,” he tells you again, lifting his hand up to drag just beneath where your teeth have your bottom lip held captive again. You stick your bottom lip out, and Johnny runs his thumb over it, getting the pad of his thumb wet, and he moves his hand back down to your chest, carefully moving your bra down to reveal one of your breasts, and he runs his wet thumb around your nipple until it;s so hard beneath his attention.

Your pussy throbs with need and you shift your hips, hoping to entice him inside now.

It works.

Johnny pushes in slowly.

You gasp, groaning, “Oh, fuck. You-- Johnny!”

He laughs and curls his hand over your mouth. “Your car isn’t soundproof. Shush. Before someone hears and comes to see us.”

But it’s hard to keep quiet when he keeps doing these little shallow thrusts, slowly getting in deeper and deeper, stretching you open around his cock. When at last he bottoms out, you feel tears leaking from the corners of your eyes. You’re so full and it feels so good, all you can do is moan and cling to Johnny’s wrist. Your eyes roll back, tears leaking from them.

Johnny watches you raptly, unable to pull his eyes away from you even when headlights flash through the windshield, full on his face. He just lowers himself over you as best as he can, and when that really doesn’t work well, Johnny takes hold of your hips.

You whimper, thinking he’s about to pull out of you entirely as he starts to move back. But instead he pulls you with him, getting you to sit up between the seats, then drawing you back into the shadow of the backseat again. You thank God that your windows are tinted in the back enough that it’s so dark back there that no one who might walk by can see.

And as Johnny settles into the backseat, he holds you on his lap, his cock still inside you, and then he pulls you back down on him fully.

You bury your face in his shoulder and cry out in pleasure.

“Good, baby?” Johnny holds you like that for a second, his cock as deep inside you as you can take him, and you just make sexy little noises against his shoulder, breathing as you adjust to having him like this. You nod and moan, brushing kisses to his throat. “Should I move again?”

When you make a noise to let him know yes he can start moving, Johnny starts helping you move with his hands on your hips. He lifts you up and lets you fall back down.

“You’re so tight around me. I really don’t think I’m going to be able to last long, I’m sorry, baby.” He kisses your cheek, the side of your head, and then your lips.

“Me neither,” you manage to say. “I’ve never... never felt like this before. Oh my fuck.”

Johnny smiles when he kisses you this time, getting you to open up so he can kiss you deeper.

And that’s when you finally get some feeling back in your legs, enough strength that you can lift yourself up, drop back down, pull up until just his tip is inside you and then fall back to take him fully inside you once again.

Johnny moans, and his cock throbs deep inside you, and you work harder to fuck yourself on him, each thrust getting easier to fit him in, but harder on your thighs, and you swear you can feel the car moving as you’re bouncing on him, but when you start to say something about that to Johnny, he just kisses you.

And as your orgasm rises within you once again, you cling to Johnny’s shoulders, taking him deep and just riding him slowly, your walls hugging his cock.

Johnny’s arms wrap around your waist, holding you tight against his chest, and he moans in your ear, “I can feel your heartbeat. Are you close?”

You nod, feeling your pussy throbbing, your orgasm so close.

Johnny loosens one arm from around you, slips his hand down between your bodies. The touch of his fingers against your clit is an electric jolt, shooting through your body, and just like that you cum around him, collapsing fully onto his cock, burying your face in his chest, and your fingers dive into his hair, tugging lightly.

Just the one tug on his hair as your pussy squeezes around him, and Johnny cums too, filling your belly with a new fire that swallows the old one. He grips your hip with one hand, getting you to move on him just a bit more, milking his cock for all he’s got, and then you sink down once more, both of you just basking in the aftermath of your orgasms.

In the hot silence afterwards, filled only with pounding heartbeats and heaving breaths, you can hear the sounds of the parking lot outside filtering in again. Voices calling, cars passing by on the road, the beep as someone unlocks their car. But you stay just like that, held by Johnny as he goes soft inside you until your heartbeat has steadied and it begins to become uncomfortable to still have him inside you.

But you don’t really want to move, eventually it must happen though, so you do lift up off of him. Johnny’s dick falls against his belly, wet and coated with his own cum and your wetness, and as you settle on his lap, some of his cum drips out of your onto your seat.

Johnny strokes your hip. “Sorry. I’ll clean your car, or pay to get it cleaned, whichever you prefer. I probably shouldn’t have cum inside you, but it just seemed, I don’t know. Romantic.” He smiles softly at you.

“Car sex.” You sigh, raking your fingers through Johnny’s hair. “It’s not very romantic.”

He laughs and kisses your shoulder. “I can make it up to you. Are you good to drive home now? For real?”

You nod. “I’m just fine. Are you suggesting I take you home with me, Johnny Suh?”

Johnny drops a few more kisses on your shoulders. “Yes. I’ll pay my fare with romantic sex, foot rubs, and giving this Uber a very good rating. Great ride.”

You laugh and push at his shoulder, which has him laughing too. You climb off him, fish around in the darkness of the floor for your panties, and then you pull them back on, grab your shirt and pants to tug them back on, then slip into the front seat.

requests are closed, I’m just finishing up the rest of these in my inbox. for the other drabbles, you can find them here

#johnny smut #johnny drabbles #nct smut #nct drabbles #nct127 smut #asks

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baka-monarch · 4 years

Note

👉👈 soulmate au where whatever you write appears on the other's arm but one is smol and the other is the human who caught them. 👉👈

Was scrolling through my WIPs when I saw this thing I wrote at some point around the beginning of summer. It was supposed to have more chapters, and he gets caught eventually, but here's chapter 1. But then I remembered your ask and how I'd been having writer's block, so I hope this will suffice! Also, it has trans Patton, so don't freak out because of Logan's soul mate

Just A Little Emo

Chapter 1 (idk if I'm ever going to finish the other chapters if I'm being honest)

Virgil had just turned three not even a month ago, but loved to play with the marker tips his parents had borrowed for his present. He didn’t have any paper scraps to doodle on, but that didn’t stop him as his arm got covered with every color he could fit on there. He stuck out his tongue, laying on the ground, focused on his masterpiece. His oversized hoodie, from his mom, was discarded to the side, giving him full access to the canvas that was his skin. He was so focused that when suddenly a little flower was drawn out of nowhere, he jumped making a startled noise as he waved his hand around trying to get it off.

“Virgil, what’s wrong?” His mother spoke gently, as she came to investigate.

“Fower!?” Virgil held out his little hand showing her the illustration still being added to by an unknown hand. His mother smiled softly, knowing exactly what was going on.

“Honey, that’s your soul mate.” She picked him up, and held his hand so he could watch as more detail was added.

“Souw matt?” He looked at her curiously.

“”What you draw on your skin, your soulmate will see too, and when they draw it’ll be just for you!”” His mother quoted, booping him on the nose on the last word. “Your soulmate is your true love, the person you’re meant to be with. When you draw on your skin, you’re showing them that you care, and that you will always be there for them…” She trailed off sadly at the end.

“Daddy souw matt?” Virgil pointed to his mother’s hand, not noticing her change of mood.

“No, daddy isn’t my soulmate. I’m afraid neither of us have met ours yet.” She looked down at her hand, where there was currently a picture of a small four leaf clover, with its leaves designed like hearts. “Most borrowers don’t ever meet their soulmate.”

“Mommy?” Virgil squished her cheeks between his hands, getting marker ink all her face, smiling when she gave him a confused look. “Souw matt see wove now!” She giggled at his words.

“Yes, Virgil, they can see how much I love them now.” Some words were written on her arm making her chuckle, Virgil tried to make sense of the scribbles, but had no idea what they meant. “Why don’t you go draw something for your soulmate while I make dinner, okay?”

“Okie!” He giggled jumping off her lap. He grabbed his markers and started coloring in the flower that was being drawn. His mother smiled fondly at him.

Neither of them knew that this was going to be their last memory together. That, after that night Virgil’s father would leave her, taking Virgil with him.

⇔

Virgil spent two years without a mom. His dad explained that he’d found out his soulmate didn’t live too far away and had made plans in secret to be with her by meeting at a house close to where each lived. Unfortunately, they had miscalculated and Virgil’s dad had to take care of Virgil alone for two years. Throughout that time Virgil was left alone in the walls often, and had a game him and his soulmate would play. One of them would start a drawing and the other would finish it, they did that and many other things together just through their connection alone. Neither of them knew how to read or write yet, so when Virgil felt alone he would talk to himself, imagining that his soulmate was there with him, listening to all of his random little thoughts.

Little did he know that his soulmate was doing the same thing.

Roman King could remember that night clear as day. He had woken up from his nap time to find his arms and hands covered with all sorts of colors, with more still appearing. He had rushed out of the nursery, ignoring his snoring brother, and straight(lol)to his mom. “Mommy! Mommy!” His mother turned around from the cooking pasta at her son’s distressed voice, seeing tears pricking his eyes as he held out his arms with fear. It didn’t take her long to understand. She picked up her sniffling son, wiping his tears away. “Mommy, there color o-on m-m-me, a-a-and i-it’s sti-il coming!”

“Shh, shh.” She rubbed the tears and snot from his face. “It’s okay sweetheart, it’s okay, it’s only your soulmate.”

“Saoul malt?” He looked at her confused, then back down at his arms, trying to see if there was something there, other than the colors. His mother chuckled fondly.

“Yes, your “saoul malt”.” She booped him on the nose. “”What you draw on your skin, your soulmate will see too, and when they draw it’ll be just for you!”” She tapped his arm as an example. “Your soulmate is drawing for you Roman, it means that they love you.”

“Wove?” Roman’s eyes widened and sparkled at the familiar word.

“Yes, love, like Sleeping Beauty and Prince Charming.” She chuckled as he looked down at his arms with wonder and delight.

“Pwincess?” He held his arms out to her in question.

“Maybe, you’ll never know until you meet her, Prince Roman.” She smiled as he gasped with wonder. His eyes sparkled with excitement. “Do you wanna draw for her?” She grabbed a discarded marker off the counter and held it out to him.

“Mhm!” He snatched the marker and wiggled out of her arms as she set him down. As soon as he was back on the floor he fell to his bum and uncapped the marker. It only took him a few seconds to think of what to draw for his princess. A flower. It was perfect, what princess doesn’t like a flower?

⇔

For the next two years Roman always had a marker on him just so he could draw with his soulmate. You could almost say that they were inseparable. It was during these two years that Roman started preschool, while there he learned a little about writing, mainly his name, but that didn’t stop him from picking up the skill quickly as he wrote and rewrote his name on his arm over and over again hoping that someday he would know more about these scribbles so he could ‘talk’ to his soulmate.

One day as Virgil was coloring one of his soulmate’s doodles he saw a series of scribbles appear. Although he recognized them as words, he had no idea what they meant. Not knowing what else to do, he mimicked the scribbles to show that he saw them to his soulmate. In return his soulmate scribbled again, and Virgil in turn copied him. They kept doing this, scribbling and rescribbleing, each new scribble being more clearer and clean. At some point Virgil even ran out of room on his arms, so he listed his oversized hoodie and started scribbling there.

“What’re ya doin there Spiderman?” His dad asked as he returned from borrowing.

“Souw matt.” Virgil pointed at the scribbles, showing the red ink where his soulmate had scribbled and the black ink where he had copied them. Virgil’s dad recognized what the scribbles were and what they said easily.

“It’s your soulmate’s name Spiderman.” He explained as he picked up his son.

“Na-ame?” Virgil sounded out.

“Yeah, it looks like your soulmate is Roman.” His father smiled.

“Wroammin?” Virgil tried the name.

“Yeah, Roman.” His father said a little more hard, trying to help his son to understand the name.

“Raman.” Virgil smiled, proud that he ‘got’ the name. His dad chuckled at his son’s attempt, but still proud how close he was.

“Do you wanna write your name?” He gently took the marker tip, ready to help the kid.

“Yeah!” Virgil exclaimed with stars in his eyes.

⇔

It wasn’t until later that night that Roman saw a series of scribbles appear on his arm, spelling out, what his mom claimed said, “Virgil.” Through the next two years up until kindergarten, Roman did all he could to learn about writing, as Virgil worked with his dad when he could to learn how to write in return. It wasn’t until the first day of kindergarten that Roman realized that there was more to reading and writing than just talking to your soulmate.

“Hello class, my name is Mrs. Parrot, and welcome to kindergarten.” Roman was five now, and was in kindergarten. Roman barely heard the teacher as he and Virgil tried to write each other’s names more fancier than the other. So far it seemed that Virgil was winning as he added all these little stars and curly letters, but Roman was determined to win. He paid no mind to the rest of the class or the teacher, as he wrote Virgil’s name on his arm in bubble letters, using all the markers he had to color them in, adding little spiders and skulls (he knew Virgil liked them from all the times they finished each other’s drawings), and making sure that there was more than enough purple. In fact he was so engrossed that he hadn't noticed the class sharing their names, hadn’t noticed all the eyes that had focused on him from his assigned table, hadn’t noticed the lesson, and had definitely not noticed the teacher's annoyance. Well, he hadn’t noticed until the teacher snached all of his markers away.

“Hey!” Roman glared up at her. It didn’t take long for her to see his soulmate’s writing on his arm.

“I understand if you want to write to your soulmate, but please pay attention.” She snapped before clicking back to her desk, depositing the markers into her desk. “You’ll get these back at the end of class.” Was all she said before returning to teaching. Roman only pouted, perfectly content with not paying attention until then.

“My soulmate also draws to me during school.” To Roman’s left there was a boy about his age, except he looked uptight with his hair made well and the little suit he wore. The boy fixed his glasses before holding out a hand for him to shake. “I am Logan.” As Roman went to shake the hand, he almosted wanted to laugh in surprise, despite Logan’s cold exterior his arm was covered in cute little drawings, most of which were goofy little cartoons. Roman hesitated to collect himself before taking the hand to shake it.

“Roman.” As their hands shook they noticed that their soulmates had stopped drawing momentarily. When they pulled their hands apart, Roman noticed that he had gotten some of his purple ink on Logan’s hand. Instead of Logan being distraught, his eyes widened in amazement as the word ‘Virgil’ appeared next to the smudge, he looked at Roman’s hand to find the word ‘Peggy’ written on his. “Peggy?” Roman questioned.

“She’s my soulmate.” Logan thought for a moment, “They must know each other.” he theorised.

“No way!” Roman exclaimed. “How do we know for sure?” Logan wasted no time in pulling out a marker of his own, keeping it and his hand under the desk. He didn’t normally break rules, but this was to test a hypothesis. He used Roman’s arm for reference as he wrote ‘Roman’ onto his arm. Only moments later did the word ‘Logan’ appear on Roman’s arm. “That’s so cool!”

“Indeed.” Logan breathed in surprise.

⇔

Virgil’s dad had recently found a small borrower settlement in an abandoned sewer pipe not even five feet away from the house they were living in. So when his dad was busy for the day, he left Virgil with one of the shop owners there, she had a daughter about Virgil’s age as well. Her name was Peggy, and Virgil got along with her well. It was on this particular day that Virgil and Peggy were left in a backroom of the shop unattended with some marker tips, and Virgil was doing all he could to write Roman’s name in the most magnificent way he could, as Roman was writing his name just as grand. Peggy watched from the side with intrigue as she drew little cartoony puppies every now and then on her arm. They didn’t really think much of their different arms, until Peggy brought up a point.

“What if our soulmates know each other?” She wondered aloud.

“There’s no way.” Virgil deadpanned, not looking up from his writing even though it seemed Roman had stopped. “It’s basically impossible.”

“Did your soulmate stop drawing?” She noted.

“We were writing, but yeah.” He stopped his scribbling for a moment to actually look at it.

“Well, my soulmate usually stops drawing around this time as well.” She explained. “Maybe they live together?”

“It’s probably just a coincidence.” Virgil tried, but there was no denying it when suddenly the splotch on Virgil’s hand was mirrored onto Peggy’s hand.

“See!?” She bounced with excitement and grabbed a marker tip. “What’s your name again?”

“Uhm-”

“Nevermind!” She cut him off as she used his arm for reference, she quickly wrote his name next to the smudge on her hand, before grabbing Virgil’s hand.

“Hey!” He tried to pull it back, but there was nothing he could do as she wrote her name on his hand. “What was that for-” The words were lost on Virgil’s tongue as Roman’s name appeared on Peggy’s arm. “How…”

“See! They do know each other!” She bounced.

“What’s your soulmate’s name?” Virgil asked.

“Logan!” She chirped.Virgil nodded and wrote Logan onto his arm. Moments later there was a little check mark next to the name, showing that Roman had seen it.

“Looks like they do know each other.”

#sander sides #roman sanders #virgil sanders #prinxiety #g/t #giant/tiny #borrower Virgil #ask #request #promt #soulmate au #just a little emo #trans patton #kid roman #kid virgil

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tuiyla · 4 years

Text

She-Ra’s like, really good, people

It’s been over a week since She-Ra season 5 came out and I binged it and this is not going to be coherent but I just want to rant about it a bit before writing some more structured metas. I deffo wanna write about Catradora and how I think SPoP is the true spiritual successor to the Avatar.

But first, let me just scream about how good this show is. I already started rewatching it, pretty much straight after finishing it, and I don’t rewatch tv shows often. The exception is Avatar (seen it like 15 times) and sitcoms. But She-Ra is so layered that I felt like I needed to watch it again just to appreciate the dynamics even more.

I already enjoyed the first season but it kept getting better and better. I’m not in love with the art style and it’s definitely for a younger demographic overall than my other favourite animated shows, but like any good kids’ show it balances tone well. It doesn’t talk down to its target demographic but also includes more traditionally mature themes in a digestible and entertaining way. Not all the jokes landed for me but as the series went on I learned to appreciate the tone and the type of humour She-Ra goes for.

It’s funny to me because this is definitely the type of show I would have rejected as a kid, with all the princesses I would have deemed it “too girly” and therefore not for me because screw gender roles. There’s a degree of internalized sexism to that, for sure, a rejection of the feminine because it’s always been seen as less somehow. But there’s also a truth that, at least in my childhood of the late 90s and early 00s, children’s media targeted at girls often had a poor quality to it, at least when compared to “boys’ stuff”.

She-Ra is not only a clever, heartfelt, complex story, it also transcends that binary of having to be either for girls or boys. I know most of modern animation rejects that as well, but She-Ra embraces so many traditionally feminine qualities while also going beyond gender roles and even the gender binary. This show is so queer, man, and I love it. It’s especially impressive when you consider the source material that was literally just the girly version of He-Man. I have no beef with 80s She-Ra, haven’t seen much of it, but this is such an upgrade.

That being said, I would have loved to watch She-Ra as a kid. I’m so incredibly envious of kids, aged around 10, who get to watch this show as they’re growing up. But I am so, so, so happy for them and for the future of animation that shows like She-Ra can be made now, that they’re being made. I’m going to go into spoilers soon, but just before that: She-Ra’s a perfectly enjoyable show in many aspects. I think the worldbuilding’s pretty cool, the story feels coherent and planned out, it’s lighthearted and so genuine. That’s the word that I ultimately choose to describe the series: genuine.

I feel like so much of TV aims to be dark and gritty nowadays, animation included, and though that’s slowly turning to dark comedy or a balance between fun and serious, it’s still the norm. At some point in the last decade, creators became terrified of being judged as cheesy. Even something like the MCU bathes in bathos to avoid being cheesy. But She-Ra proves that creators shouldn’t be afraid of being genuine, of basing characters and storylines on the simple power of love. Like, it’s such a cliché trope but I think that’s mostly because it has become stale.

Noelle Stevenson has talked about the importance of love in her story and I’m so grateful for that. Through, She-Ra, she’s truly proven how powerful love can be in a story and how it doesn’t have to be cheesy. It’s just so unabashedly genuine. The power of love and friendship literally saves the day several times but it’s always so genuine and more importantly it always makes sense that it doesn’t get boring. If the foundation wasn’t there, then I’d say “well this is just super cheesy”. But the show makes a point of building relationships and making them the focal point of the story.

Alright, so, spoilers because I need to talk about character arcs and THAT KISS and just everything. I really need to write more in depth about Adora and Catra and their relationship but for now I feel like it’s so important to appreciate how they’re developed. Everything from their shared childhood to their trauma with Shadow Weaver and the finding their way back to each other, it’s just *chef’s kiss*. It’s so well-written and believable. Ngl, I do have some minor issues with Catra’s redemption arc. Let’s just say that on a scale from Kylo Ren to Zuko, she’s definitely closer to Zuko. I also appreciate Shadow Weaver’s death scene and how it allows them to move on. I didn’t see that one as Death as Redemption and it shouldn’t be. Again and again the show made it clear that she was abuse towards both girls and nothing will negate that.

From what I can tell, the fandom really latched onto Catra, even when it wasn’t clear whether she’d get a redemption arc. I think that’s important, because unlike some characters in animation, Catra’s actions were almost always framed appropriately. There was always an understanding as to where she’s coming from, how she’s acting from a place of hurt, and yet her actions weren’t justified. They weren’t suddenly all okay just because she’s hurt, too. I especially loved in the season 3 finale when Adora was allowed to finally say no, to say that Catra’s actions were not her fault. That season as a whole was beautiful, like, episode three when Adora’s struggling so much and Catra has the opportunity for a better life but she still fails to choose her own happiness because she’s too bitter over SW and Adora? It’s poetic cinema. I love that angst, so well done.

It would be so easy to misfire in Catra’s storyline and either a) write off all the awful things she does because she’s just “misunderstood” or b) irredeemably stuck in her abusive environment with no hope of escape. They balanced quite well there and managed to handle such a complex character with delicacy. I’m quite happy with how Catra was portrayed because on the one hand, she’s painfully relatable to me and I assume to many others. The audience can see their own mistakes reflected in her character because we’ve all been too stubborn, done things out of spite, refused to acknowledge that we were wrong because we were hurting so much. At the same time, I always felt like the show gave me enough space to judge Catra’s actions and acknowledge that she was in the wrong. I honestly think I would have been a better adjusted teenager is if saw this show just before my angsty years, lol.

I’m going to write more about Adora at some other point but I love how vulnerable she’s allowed to be. Protagonists never used to be my favourite characters because they all seemed the same, with two major categories: the stereotypical male hero who can do no wrong or the angsty boi who can be shitty and the text still frames him as awesome. It’s only recently with series like The Legend of Korra and She-Ra that I go “damn, protagonists can be like that, huh.” Adora is a dumb jock who tries so hard and she deserves all the hugs in the world.

Also, Catradora? Breathtaking, amazing, groundbreaking. No doubt She-Ra needed shows like Adventure Time, LoK, Steven Universe and the likes to pave the way but still, it went there. I saw people be anxious about whether they were gonna be queerbaited, but I always, idk, knew? Trusted? That She-Ra would follow through. I didn’t wait six years for Bubbline to happen for Catradora to not get their big damn kiss. The series has been so effortlessly queer from the get-go that it just made sense that they were always heading there. I did see a gif of the kiss before watching s5 and ngl, that spoiler kind of bummed me out in a way that I wanted to be surprised. But even before I saw that I wasn’t worried. And the context of their journey in season 5? That cannot be spoiled by a simple gif. You have to experience that to fully appreciate it and that is the marker of good storytelling.

I understand that, though this should be the norm by now, Noelle Stevenson still had to be smart about how she approached the execs and she wasn’t sure this could happen. I cannot tell you how happy I am about what she said regarding how Catradora was so integral to the story that the execs couldn’t not allow it. That’s so brilliant, and it feels so natural in the story. Queer love saves the day and it’s not ambiguous, it cannot be censored because you lose a part of the story without it. You did it, Noelle, you funky little lesbian, what an icon. I can’t wait to see more stuff from her.

In other news, I appreciated other characters as well, like how all the princesses got to be different and awesome in their own unique way. Season 5 was great for so many characters, Mermista got so much to work with and Spinnerella and Netossa got so much more characterization than in previous seasons. Glimmer continued to be the third most important character in the story and I’m happy about all the relationships that also got to be canon. Good characters and dynamics all around, no wonder since the show is built on that.

Such a satisfying conclusion and one that makes you feel like this is just part one of a much bigger story. Such genuine, heartfelt moments, well-developed characters, complex themes explored in a respectful and digestible way, and such an unapologetically fun show. Melissa Fumero as a side character? Yes please. Catra’s new haircut? Heck yeah! She-Ra’s new design? Oh my.

I’m not even like, super into She-Ra, and I usually don’t write so much about things I only watch casually. But this show is so good and important that I had to rant. And I will write more about it eventually, but for now I needed to get all of this out. I’d give it a better structure but if I really get into I might never end up posting it so for now here, have this ramble of love. She-Ra, of all shows, deserves that.

#she-ra #spop #she-ra and the princesses of power #catradora #spop spoilers #my thoughts #that's pretty much it for now

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baby-impalas · 4 years

Text

make a wish

pairing: bill denbrough x reader

warnings: fluff, unedited, swearing

word count: 1688

might make a part two ! idk yet :)

another night.

another stupid night not a single one of your so called ‘friends’ had contacted you. you had five close friends, and lately you’d felt as though they didn’t really care much for you. so, you ran a little experiment: wait for them to get ahold of you instead of vice versa, which was how it usually happened. and for three weeks none of them called or stopped by. you’d have to face them all next week when school started, and you still weren’t sure how you would handle things. if you’d act like nothing ever happened or give them a piece of your mind. until you saw them you couldn’t know for sure.

the sting of betrayal was making you stir restlessly in your bed one particular friday night. the clock beside your bed read 2:17. was it too late to go out?

not if your mom didn’t catch you.

so, you grabbed your skateboard and hopped out your bedroom window, walked to the edge of the roof, and jumped off. it wasn’t far - maybe one story since the roof was slanted. this was a common activity for you. not that you snuck out a lot to go party or whatever - skateboarding at night was the biggest stress reliever you had up your sleeve. it seemed odd and was probably dangerous considering you were a teenage girl out on the streets in the middle of the night, but you did carry a pocket knife.

it wasn’t cold, but it definitely wasn’t warm either. you didn’t mind - you’d been out in single digit weather before. eventually, the cold just sorta faded into numbness.

you placed your board in the middle of the road, balanced a foot in its designated spot, and took off. finding a comfortable place for both your feet to rest took a little while at first, but the more you practiced the quicker you found that perfect spot, and the quicker you could surge down the street.

pushing off again and again, you flew down the road just as all your previous concerns about unloyal friends soared from your mind. skating required focus and balance. it was the perfect distraction.

especially when your wheel caught on a rock halfway down the street and you hit the ground with a thud before rolling into the grass. your knee throbbed as you glanced up to the parking lot and soccer field that stretched out ahead. this street was home to said soccer field along with a park close nearby. neither were really your thing.

the pressure of the ground on your knee sat you up, and you leaned your back against a street sign pole. pulling up your sweatpants revealed a bloody cut the size of your middle finger. it wasn’t really a big deal - nothing you hadn’t handled before. plus the scars always looked cool.

“excuse me,” the voice was gentle, but you jumped nevertheless.

a boy about your age was standing timid with a kind face in the middle of the street. he was holding your board.

“i was on my p-porch and saw you f-f-fall,” he carefully reached into his pocket and pulled out a thin piece of paper. “b-brought you a b-bandaid.”

he held out both the board and bandage to you.

“thanks,” you said, accepting the items from his hands. the board you set down - the bandage you placed over the cut. you could clean and disinfect later.

“yeah.” a brief, slightly uncomfortable silence. “c-can i sit?” “sure.”

the boy did just that, leaning up against the pole with you. he crossed his legs and his hands sat in his lap, his thumb casually stroking his palm.

“i’m y/n,” you said, deciding to break the silence because, hey, the kid did bring you a bandaid.

“i’m bill,” he said, turning to look at you.

“why are you up so late?”

“i w-was looking at the stars,” he said.

“they are pretty,” you said. “sometimes i’ll just stare at them out my window. i read somewhere that when people die they turn into a star. kinda morbid to think that you’re looking at a bunch of dead souls, but i think i’d be okay with dying if it meant getting to be that beautiful and tranquil.”

okay so maybe you rambled just a little when you were nervous. why were you even nervous? this was just some random kid who gave you a bandaid at 2 a.m…

a random kid who was kinda cute. “i haven’t heard that before. that’s a n-nice theory.” now, you weren’t psychic or anything, but you’d always been really good at reading people. it was like your sixth sense. and right then, reading bill, you knew he’d lost someone close to him.

probably best to not ask about it - if he wants to talk about it he will.

“do you g-go to sc-school in derry?” he said.

“yeah. i’m in nineth grade. what about you?”

“eighth.”

“to tell you the truth, most of my friends are kinda being jerks right now. i don’t really wanna go back,” you said.

bill turned his body to face you.

“i’m f-fighting with mine t-too,” he gave a supportive smile at the end, but you knew the situation with his friends was really eating him up inside. his face gave away his sadness, despite him trying to hide it.

you gathered up all the courage you had, and placed a hand on top of his, which was resting on his knee. bill looked at your overlapped hands, then back up at you. he gave you a shy smile.

“whatever it is, i’m sure you guys can work it out. and if not, then… they’re not worth it anyway. what happened, if i can ask?” you said.

bill seemed to hesitate. maybe whatever happened was his fault - maybe that’s why it was eating him up so much.

“we just… h-had d-different ideas of what to d-do this summer.” he said.

bill was staring at your overlapped hands, seemingly deep in thought. he placed his free hand over top of yours and began rubbing slow circles on your dorsal with his thumb.

“that doesn’t sound terrible,” bill looked up at you as you paused. “i think you guys can get through it.”

he smiled at you. it was a little lopsided, but it was beautiful. you found yourself smiling back without meaning to.

“thanks,” he said. “wh-what about you and y-your f-f-friends?”

suddenly you felt bad troubling him with your stupid friendship problems. you just wanted to talk to bill, learn about him. learn what he liked and disliked, learn what he thought about life. you were in so deep already and you’d just met the kid. probably partly because of that stupidly adorable, shy smile of his.

and the fact that him rubbing circles on your hand was giving you intense “butterflies” in your stomach. who knew those were a real thing?

“it’s nothing, really. they just haven’t really been talking to me.”

wow okay. you sound like a total loser. nice.

“they d-don’t deserve you,” bill said without hesitating. he was looking in your eyes again. “you s-seem like a great f-friend.”

“me?” you laughed. “you brought some random girl a bandaid in the middle of the night because you saw her fall off her skateboard,” bill laughed. of course, that, too, was stupidly adorable. “i’m sure you’re an amazing friend.”

you smiled at him, and he was smiling back. the night was quiet around you, nothing but crickets disturbing your comfortable silence. you looked down and began picking at the grass around your legs with your free hand.

“th-there’s a meteor shower tonight,” bill said. “h-have you ever seen a shooting star?”

you nodded.

“a couple times, yeah. i always wish on them.”

“m-me t-t-too.”

upon glancing up, you noticed that bill had been staring at you. not in a creepy way. more so observant than stalkerish.

you opted for looking at the stars, then intertwined your hand with his. butterflies (yes, mother fucking butterflies) were fluttering like crazy in your gut and throat. you could feel bill’s eyes on you, but couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. instead, you spotted a moving spark of light amongst the clouds.

“make a wish, bill,” you said, gazing at the shooting star as it made its way across the sky.

the star disappeared, and you turned to look at bill, who you knew was already watching you.

“i w-wish for—“

“no shh!” you pressed a finger to your lips, halting bill’s words. “you can’t tell me. otherwise it won’t come true.”

bill glanced at the ground (or at your intertwined hands, you couldn’t really tell).

“then i w-wish you wouldn’t kiss me,” he said.

after a pause, he met your eyes, his face holding a tentative look that just about melted your heart. he was obviously nervous as hell, his one hand was rubbing an anxious thumb over your own, and his eyes held the fear of rejection.

slowly, you moved toward him, inching your bodies closer until your legs were touching and your faces were inches apart. up close, he smelt of rain water and freshly cut grass — a breath of fresh air.

“i wished for this, too,” you mumbled, your eyes tracing the surface of his face.

bill closed the space between your lips before you could. the hand that was holding yours came up to cradle your face instead. it wasn’t fervent or rushed, just a gentle mesh of your lips.

you and bill breathed the same air for a little while afterwards, neither of you saying anything but not moving away from each other. you weren’t even looking at each other — just existing temporarily in your shared space.

this moment belonged to you, bill, and the stars.

“do you w-wanna come over tomorrow?” he said, finally breaking the silence.

“yeah,” you said. “i’d like that.”

“i’d like that too.” his voice is quiet, almost a whisper, but it’s enough to make you smile.

maybe you didn’t need your shitty friends after all.

#bill denbrough x reader #bill denbrough #fluff #bill denbrough imagine

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artificialqueens · 4 years

Text

A Vampire in Paris: Part 3 (Gigi/Crystal) - Chae

A/N: well this took ten times longer than i expected… so sorry for the wait! (was anyone waiting? idk) hopefully I can update this at LEAST once a week for now ee. anyway thank you all so much for the support on the first two chapters, i’m so glad people enjoy my wacky fashion-vampire fantasy

Summary: Gigi has an… interesting encounter with the supermodel trio and makes some big changes with Crystal

—-

Well, this was a situation.

Gigi broke out into a slight sweat as Aquaria, Naomi, and Valentina peered right into her soul at the cafe. She smiled awkwardly as she took a sip of water, seemingly the only one who actually drank… or ate. And she was eating a salad! In Paris! What the fuck were they looking at her like that for?!

The youngest model was still tired from the previous night, trying to push down her discomfort with happy thoughts of kissing Crystal. The ginger had tried desperately to look her best for her lunch date with the supermodels, shocked that they still didn’t seem impressed. After a long bout of silence as the three older girls eyed Gigi eating, Valentina piped up across from her.

“Gigi… what’s that short for?”

The aforementioned girl swallowed a lettuce leaf. “Genevieve. Genevieve Regina Goode.”

“That sounds like a movie character,” the tan beauty laughed. “I like your name.”

“Thanks. How did you get Valentina?”

“What do you mean? That’s just my name.”

“Oh,” Gigi cringed internally.”What’s your last name?”

“Hm, it’s been so long I don’t remember,” the girl smiled dopily as Aquaria slapped her arm next to her, annoyed. Gigi raised an eyebrow and Aquaria smiled fakely.

“We don’t really use our last names, except for Naomi because hers is easy,” the blonde said through her teeth, glaring at Valentina. The latter looked, confused, between Gigi and Aquaria. From next to her, Gigi could sense Naomi giving Valentina a look as well.

“Oh!” She finally said, her face contorting into realization. “Yeah, we don’t use them,” the latina nodded.

Gigi looked down, feeling as if she’d stumbled onto something she shouldn’t have—which was exactly what she wanted. Maybe she should press further…

“Why haven’t you guys eaten? These salads have a lot of good vitamins and stuff. I know we’re pressured into being like a size-negative-ten but what you ordere-”

“We already ate,” Naomi interrupted. “And if you feel self-conscious, sweets, don’t. Salads are good for you.”

“And you won’t have to worry about it much longer,” Valentina added earnestly. However, her kind… sentiment (?)… was not appreciated by the other two.

“Oh my god, shut up!” Aquaria whacked her on the back of the head. “You wanna get fired or something?!”

“I’m sorry guys,” Gigi tried to stop the drama. “I didn’t mean to intrude on whatever is happening-”

“No, no no! It’s not your fault,” Naomi explained, placing a freezing cold hand on Gigi’s shoulder. “It’s just that Valentina…”

“Valentina doesn’t know what she’s talking about, doll,” Aquaria smiled.

“Guuuuys I’m sorry!” Valentina whined. “I just keep forgetting she’s not a va-”

“Member of our team!” Aquaria shouted. “She’s not a member of our team,” the Italian jerked her head to the side, leaning towards Valentina and whispering something in her ear. The brunette’s eyebrows curved upwards as she whispered frantic sorries to her friend, who appeared absolutely venomous. Naomi rolled her eyes.

“We should head out and do some shopping, no? Maybe Val will be distracted by all the shiny things,” Naomi got up, rifling through her small purse for cash. Gigi nodded, just wanting to get out of this situation as soon as she could.

Soon enough, they were browsing at a beauty store—and yes, Valentina was distracted by the sparkly eyeshadows (go figure). Gigi wandered away from her ‘friends’ to the hair section, nearly passing by the dyes before a thought popped into her head. She grabbed two boxes of color and a toner off the shelf and smiled, paying for her items before finding the rest of the group.

“Bought stuff already?” Aquaria looked at Gigi’s bag quizzically.

“It’s not makeup or anything, just had to restock,” the redhead lied.

“Oh, nice,” the blonde turned back to the lipstick she was trying on. Gigi filled the silent air by perusing the makeup counters, trying to not look too interested.

Naomi was texting someone with a coy smile plastered on her face, causing Gigi to remember something else odd she hadn’t addressed yet.

“Aquaria?” She asked.

“Hm?”

“How did you get my number? I never found out.”

“Right. I asked Adore.”

“Adore doesn’t have my number…”

“Adore has everyone’s number,” she snapped, clearly looking annoyed. Gigi shrunk back and bit her lip. “The bitch has her ways,” Aquaria added.

“Can’t Fame access everyone’s data n’ stuff?” Valentina said offhandedly.

“What? Fame? Like Miss Fame?”

“Valentina, I’m going to rip your head off and smash it with my stiletto,” Aquaria threatened.

“I thought Fame was… dead?” Gigi pressed.

“She is.”

Both Naomi and Aquaria looked the new model dead in the eyes, not a hint of intonation in their voices. Valentina, once again, looked at them confusedly, but held her tongue. Gigi felt the same glare that Raven had pierce her soul once again, and decided that enough was enough of these creeps. She stole away into the next aisle and ordered an Uber to pick her up ASAP. She peeked over the display and told the girls she was going to the bathroom, to which they nodded in unison without leaving their tasks. On that note, Gigi slinked out of the store and as far down the street as her heeled feet would take her.

She texted Crystal as she waited for the Uber, impatiently tapping her foot on the concrete ground.

Sexy Robot🥵🤖

heyyy, wanna meet up at your place? i have a surprise

Hot Clown🤡🔥

DUH OMG u know I can’t wait

when are u comin?

Sexy Robot🥵🤖

I’ll be there in like 20 mins

Hot Clown🤡🔥

I can’t wait to see u🥺🥺🥺

Sexy Robot🥵🤖

keep your panties on, boss

Hot Clown🤡🔥

Don’t ever call me boss again you whore

Sexy Robot🥵🤖

only for u ;)

Gigi smiled as her Uber finally arrived, excited to talk to Crystal after what happened the night prior. She’d not only had a steamy makeout session with a hot designer, she’d kissed the girl she liked when they were both semi-sober-ish. Her happiness was short-lived, though, when she received a text from Aquaria on a group chat she’d been added to. She exhaled nervously as she shut the car door, telling the driver where to go.

Hottest Hoes in Paris⭐️⭐️

Aquafina

Has anyone seen Gigi?

You’ve been in the bathroom an awful long time bitch

French Vanilla Fantasy

no :(

did she leave?!

GIGI WHERE ARE YOU

Bebe Badde

aaaa sorry guys I wasn’t feeling well!

LegsLegsLegsLegs

Awe babe you should have told us

Feel well soon

French Vanilla Fantasy

i send all my love to you!! 💛💘💚💘❤️💝💚💞💓❤️💘

Aquafina

Ya feel better!

Gigi sighed, having successfully escaped the strangest outing she’d ever been on. The drive to Fatelle was shorter than she’d expected, the model barely realizing she had reached her destination before paying the driver and nearly leaping out of the car. She sped into the lobby, saying hi to Adore before bounding to the elevator. She was almost giddy at the prospect of seeing Crystal again, unfamiliar with having a crush this strong. Gigi felt like she and Crystal fit together like puzzle pieces: anything she didn’t have, the designer did, and vice versa. But they still came together in the same picture, with the same values and dreams and—gosh, they were a match made in heaven.

Gigi gripped the shopping bag as she reached Crystals floor, finding her room (Crystal had texted her where she lived a few days prior) and knocking on the door. It opened almost immediately to a grinning Crystal, dressed in cute casual clothes and fluffy ugg slippers.

“What’s the surprise?” She said right away, letting the younger girl inside.

“First of all, hi,” Gigi rolled her eyes, giving the shorter girl a quick peck on the cheek. “Second of all, you’ll see. Third of all — you will not believe the day I’ve had.”

“Dang, it’s two PM!”

“And shits wild!”

“Spill.” Crystal plopped on the couch, motioning for Gigi to join her. The ginger kicked her shoes off and made herself comfortable, propping her tired legs on the coffee table.

“So I met up with Aquaria and Naomi and Valentina…”

“No way!”

“Yes, Aqua invited me. And it was insane.”

“How?”

“Would you believe me if I told you that I think Fatelle is the Illuminati?”

“Honestly, with some of the shit that’s been going on…”

“Right?! Okay, they literally kept saying Miss Fame might be alive?”

“She’s alive in my heart, but… it’s been a whole century.”

“And they acted like it was real! And then Valentina said that I wouldn’t have to eat soon?“

“What? Why?”

“Like I wouldn’t physically need to eat.”

“That’s fucking weird.”

“It was the strangest thing. Am I in the Twilight Zone?”

“Maybe you’re in the Twilight! Edward or Jacob?”

“Edward.”

“Good choice. Edward.”

The two shared a chuckle, Crystal’s eyes flitting to the bag Gigi had brought.

“Is that the surprise?”

Gigi smirked, getting up and pulling out a box of bleach, purple toner, and a box of natural red dye. “Don’t think I didn’t remember what you said!”

“No! Oh my gosh you’re the best!” Crystal grabbed her dye and grinned widely, eyes crinkled in a cute way. “We have to do this now.”

“Raven’s gonna be pisssssed,” Gigi remembered, not really caring anyway.

“Raven is basically Edward’s cousin, who cares?”

“Oh shit she is like Edwards’ cousin! Bitch looks all pale and dark haired and ooky and spooky.”

“My mind.”

“Your mind.”

The two made their way to the bathroom, opening their goodies and setting up to do each other’s hair. Crystal wrapped a towel around Gigi’s shoulders, knowing her process would be much more time consuming.

“Have you done hair before?” The model asked as Crystal mixed up the bleach.

“For sure, I dyed my hair back to brown so I could look professional when I came here,” she laughed. “I had neon green before, remember?”

“Right!”

Gigi couldn’t say she wasn’t nervous when Crystal began applying the dye to the ends of her hair, but trusted the designers judgement and vision. It was her fashion show, after all. The older girl worked quickly, yet thoroughly. She was used to working with her difficult curly hair, so it was easy for her to comb through Gigi’s nearly-straight locks. Strand by strand, she painted the bleach on with her gloved hands, unaware that her work was nearly causing Gigi to fall asleep at the calming feeling of her hair being lightly tugged. She model nearly dozed off when Crystal started massaging her scalp to make sure the roots were coated. Finally, Crystal was happy with her work, snapping Gigi back into reality when she placed a shower cap over the models head.

“Sleepyhead, you’ve gotta do my hair now,” Crystal discarded her latex gloves, brushing the back of her hand against Gigi’s cheek. “In half an hour you gotta take a shower with the toner, and then when you’re done, I take a shower and then we both have new hair!”

“I have a suggestion,” Gigi yawned. “Why don’t you keep giving me a head massage and I go to bed?”

“If you want your hair to fall out, sure.”

Gigi rolled her eyes, getting up to open the red box dye. She took out the components, following directions to mix the bottles together and shake it up. Apprehensively, she started squeezing the fluid all over Crystal’s hair and running it through the coils. “Is this right?”

“Just make sure every strand is coated, but yeah!” she smiled at Gigi through the mirror, and Gigi smirked back.

“So, do we need to talk about last night at all?” the model asked as she worked.

“Do you think we need to?”

“I mean, if we’re on the same page, no.”

“Are we?”

“What’s the definition of the same page, then?”

“Um… I liked kissing you?”

“Good, then we’re definitely on the same page,” Gigi blushed. She looked in the mirror for a second and laughed. “I look like a lunch lady!”

“Shush, you look pretty no matter what.”

“Says you, Crystalline Elizabeth.”

“Says the model, Genevieve Regina!”

“Oh. Well.”

“You bitch! You’re supposed to tell me how great I am.”

“Crystal Methyd, you are perfect.”

“I know I am.”

“Who’s the bitch now, bitch?”

This went on as Gigi finished applying the color to Crystal’s hair, placing her own cap over the voluminous mass of hair. Crystal checked the time. “You should go take a shower, Gi. And make sure to leave that toner on for ten minutes!”

“Got it,” she replied as Crystal exited the luxury bathroom into the bedroom.

“I’ll leave you out some comfy clothes, hm?”

“What, you wanna cuddle and watch movies with me later?”

“Uh… yeah.”

“Thank god. I’ll see you soon,” Gigi leaned in for another quick peck on the cheek, a new habit she’d grown quite fond of. She shut the door and turned on the tap, waiting for the water to warm up before undressing and stepping inside.

Gigi was tired, but the steam against her skin helped balance her energy once again. She removed the shower cap, eyes widening at how light her hair was. She was used to her red hair turning almost-black when wet, but it was now a dirty brown color under the water. The dry strands were a nearly-white yellow. This will take some adjusting to, she thought as she quirted a glob of toner in her hands. She worked it through her hair for a couple minutes, careful to get every last bit. The next ten minutes were spent trying to keep her head out of the shower whilst keeping her body in, which was a difficult task that often left Gigi shivering without the warmth of the water on her body, only to put her arm or leg back in.

The model stepped out of the glass shower into the bathroom that was nearly identical to her own. She wiped the fog away from the mirror and stood, as she did, scanning her body. She was healthy, but extraordinarily petite. Many her size would have bones jutting out, maybe even appearing emaciated, but not Gigi. Her figure was all smooth lines and gentle curves. She had a waist and hips, but they certainly weren’t defined. Her breasts followed the outer curves of her chest, small and close together. She was a model. She looked like a model.

Gigi grabbed a towel once she noticed the goosebumps on her arms, using it to dry off and then wrapping it around herself. She decided to use the hairdryer as well, since apart from her hair taking forever to dry on its own, she wanted to see what it looked like now. As her locks returned to their normal state, Gigi could see that Crystal did a near-perfect job. Her hair was evenly colored a light-barbie-doll blonde all around — not too yellow, not too silver. She certainly looked like a barbie doll. She felt like one.

The girl exited the bathroom into the attached bedroom, calling out to Crystal that she was done. She found a set of satin pajama shorts and a shirt, surprised that the designer owned something so fancy. She changed quickly, feeling more than comfortable in this outfit.

As Crystal took her time in the bathroom, Gigi grew… bored. She felt lonely scrolling through Instagram all by herself, so she shut off her phone and sank back into the couch. Her eyes flickered from the ceiling, to the window, to the TV, and finally, to the bedroom entryway. Gigi wasn’t really the mischievous type, but hey, when in Paris. She smirked as she got up, starting by looking through Crystal’s dresser. Nothing of importance, really: just makeup, underwear (oh hey, those were garters… she wondered what those would look like on Crystal…), stacks and stacks of jewelry. So the model opted to look through the closet, a favorite activity of hers. Crystal’s wardrobe nearly burned Gigi’s eyes out when she first opened the doors. Colors and patterns everywhere, unorganized platform shoes falling over the floor. It was so bad, it was beautiful. Gigi began with the shoes, definitely wanting to steal some of them for herself.

As she got lost in Crystal’s fashion tastes, she failed to hear the shower shutting off and Crystal entering the bedroom, the newly-ginger letting out a yelp as she realized Gigi was there. The younger girl whipped around to see Crystal attempting to cover herself up with her hands, flustered beyond belief at the fact that she was…

butt naked.

#rpdr fanfiction #gigi goode #crystal methyd #crygi #aquaria #valentina #naomi smalls #lesbian au #supernatural au #fluff #a vampire in paris #chae #concrit welcome #submission #s12

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nev3rfound · 5 years

Text

a chance to see you once more : s.r

brief summary: during his time with tony to retrieve the tesseract, steve uses his time wisely, hoping to see you one last time

word count: 1.7k requested: nope, an idea I thought of earlier and felt so cute i couldn’t resist! kinda inspired by the piece i wrote called ‘back before us’ warnings: idk, some spoilers?

(everything on my blog is my own writing. if it is shared on another page or website know it isn’t me. all rights reserved. - thank you to everyone who helped regarding the wattpad situation, you’re all amazing)

* masterlistin’

* commissions

** permanent taglist **

“So, we all know the plan?” Tony looks around at everyone, seeing nods circling as they all look up, watching their faces being covered as the light absorbs them.

With a blink, Steve looks around. He knew this place, he knew where he was.

New York, 2012. Attack of the city.

“You know what to do.” Tony turns to Steve as Scott shrinks down to size, going with Tony to retrieve the tesseract whilst Steve would get the sceptre.

“Easier said than done.” He mutters under his breath but complies knowing it’s what they have to do.

Standing still, holding the sceptre Steve stares down at his former self unconscious. He releases a half breath, a sense of relief filling his system knowing they’ve done their part. “I got it, Cap,” Tony speaks through the comms. “all good on your end?”

Walking off, Steve smiles to himself. “All good.” He announces as he nears the lift of the building.

As he waits for it, his eyes wander outside toward the city. Well, what was left of the city after the attack. “You ready to go back?” Tony questions, snapping Steve out of his thoughts.

Opening his mouth to respond, his eyes lock on a distant park. He stutters as the lift arrives, his eyes refusing to pass the view outside. “I’ll be twenty minutes.” He mutters to Tony as he leaves the building, stealing a bike and driving straight through everything.

The closer he gets, all he can think about is the stories he heard.

“It’s kinda hidden away. Then again, what business did Captain America have in that part of town?” You chuckled to him, watching his smile grow as you were in bed, watching the sunrise.

“Tell me about it,” He asked quietly, watching your eyes still remain heavy as you were in his arms.

Shuffling, you turned to face him with a sleepy smile. “There was this small lake, well, not even a lake. I guess it was more of a pond?” You giggle, trying to recall the location you spent hours in. “I found a little area, round the other side of the pond. There was a mound of rocks and I could curl up and read in peace.”

Steve could see you weren’t present, your mind thinking back to that place you often sought comfort.

“What happened to it?” He questions, hearing a small sigh leaving your lips.

“It got destroyed in one of the many attacks New York faced.” You stated to him, glancing up with a sad smile on your face. “But I moved on, I think I found a better comfort spot.” You smile up to him, watching as he leans in and kisses you softly.

Discarding the bike, Steve let’s out a sigh as he pushes the gates open. The large rustic gates with intricate designs moulded to the iron, just as you had described it.

Walking through the area, Steve felt like a ghost wandering into your past. It was the time he had never heard of your name, knew how to love again or be with somebody like you. He wasn’t ready for you then, hell, if you met you would never have been in this situation to begin with.

“I told you, I’m doing just fine.” His ears perk up at the sound of light laughter from across the small pond.

His eyes follow the ripples from the fish, passing the lilypads to a pile of rocks.

Ignoring the intense beating of his chest, he forces his eyes to rise. As they do, he feels close to collapsing.

There you are, Y/n Y/l/n in the flesh once more.

You’re lying back on the rocks, one leg on top of the other as your hair is spread out as one finger plays with it absentmindedly. Steve can see the book on the grass beside you whilst you talk on the phone, staring up into the trees.

Steve could understand now why you sought comfort in such a place. It didn’t feel like it was in the city, it was a sanctuary. He couldn’t hear the sound of sirens or screams that emitted in the depths of the city. In this place, all that could be heard was your voice, the angelic voice he longed to hear again.

“I’m not close to it all. I guess I’m hidden away?” You think aloud, not aware of another presence in the park with you. A heavy sigh leaves your lips as your hand stretches out to reach your book, Steve’s eyes catching a glimpse of the ring on your finger. “I think he’s alright, I haven’t heard from him yet. Said he was in DC last time he checked in.”

You were so oblivious then, and Steve felt his heart grow heavy.

What you didn’t know was so painful, a side of your life Steve never witnessed but listened to you relive it on the anniversary of Thomas’ death.

He didn’t deserve it, from what Steve learnt, Thomas was a caring man. He was your Peggy, your first love that you’ll never forget. You were sat there, thinking he was going to come home the following day, only to be greeted by three policemen instead with an apology.

Snapping out of his thoughts, Steve turns to walk away. He didn’t intend on coming to speak to you. In fact, he didn’t have any form of plan. All he knew is he needed to see you, see that innocent, light hearted woman he fell in love with.

“Hey, you going to some costume party?” You call out as Steve turns around to face you. “Sorry! I thought you were someone else.” You apologise, watching as Steve clears his throat and walks over.

“It’s okay, I do look like I’m heading to one.” He jokes uneasily, not expecting any of his as you smile up at him.

Normally he would’ve held you in his arms or would rest his hand in yours. But this version of you doesn’t know Steve yet, he’s a stranger in your eyes but his lost love in his.

“I’m Y/n, and you need no formalities Mr America, Sir.” You mock salute him, chuckling to yourself as Steve cracks a smile to ease the heartache. “What brings you ‘round here?” You shuffle on the rocks, patting the spot beside you.

Cautiously, Steve takes the spot next to you. A gentle breeze rises through the trees, wafting your perfume past him. The scent of his pillows after you went to train, the perfume that was woven into most of his shirts and jumpers that you often stole. He missed having that so close and not faded over time.

“A friend told me about this place.” He tells you, still struggling to maintain eye contact. “She said it was a comfortable spot.” He recites the words you told him, not noticing a small smile playing on your lips.

“Well, she certainly is right about that.” You respond. “No one ever comes here. I’m surprised anyone else knows about it.” You state with a questionable tone, watching as Steve glances up to see your brows furrowed together in confusion. “Either way, it was nice meeting you Mr America, I got a class to get to.” You rise to your feet, bending down and grabbing your bag before walking away, thinking nothing of the interaction.

Steve’s eyes follow as you walk out of sight, passing through the gates and disappearing once more.

He doesn’t even notice Tony standing there, watching him wipe his eyes before standing up.

“So this is why you came here?” Tony speaks up as Steve sighs deeply, nodding in response.

“I had to see her,” Steve tells Tony quietly, looking down to see a book having slipped out of your bag. He picks the book up, noticing how worn the cover is, that this is one of your many well-loved books. “who knows if I ever will again.”

“Don’t say that,” Tony says sternly, watching Steve force his heavy head back up to see Tony standing closer. “we don’t know what will happen, but we can only try, Steve.”

“I just, I thought seeing her would make it easier.” Steve mutters, unable to wipe the image of you in Wakanda from his mind.

He watched his best friend mutter his name before collapsing to the ground, turning to a pile of dust.

Panic had filled his system as he looked out to the field, seeing you still fighting with all your might. “Y/n!” He yelled to you, running your way.

You didn’t stand a chance once he called for you. It was the first time you took your eyes off of the field, and Steve watched as the spear impaled your stomach.

For once, he wasn’t fast enough. He watched tears fill your eyes as you started to disappear, turn to dust before his very eyes. “No!” He screamed as he collapsed to the ground, the only thing left is a bloody spear. “NO.”

“But she’s gone.” Steve forces his mind back to the conversation, not wanting to think about the tears that filled your eyes or the evident fear he could see as you watched him run toward you. “And I’ll never get her back.”

Looking down, Steve holds your book close to his chest.

He opens it up, noticing a page still cornered and a section highlighted.

“I’ll get the others, okay?” Tony announces to Steve, watching him being absorbed back into your past.

Sitting down on the rock you were lying across minutes ago, his eyes read over the paragraph.

Those we love are often just out of grasp. We cry, we scream and mourn them. I’ve witnessed countless lovers lose one another, and it’s never an easier experience to endure. I’ll never forget the day he walked in, trying to keep his head held high until I asked him about the time they met. He broke down crying, sobbed for an hour as he mumbled about their first day of school. She was his everything, and life is cruel, but love makes it worthwhile. But sometimes, one outweighs the other, leaving us in a state of remorse for those we lost.

Closing the book, Steve feels tears falling freely down his cheeks. “I’ll bring you home, Y/n.” He whispers to himself as he looks up to the sky, watching leaves slowly descend into the pond. “I promise.”

permanent taglist :

@psychicforest 🌙 @lourightm 🌙 @mywinterwolf 🌙 @perellith-chronicles

🌙 @supermoonchildbroski 🌙 @xrosegoldwolfx

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nxtritething · 4 years

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TASK001 : MUN QUESTIONNAIRE

name / alias : caro / care / carebear gender / pronouns : female / she&her where ya from ? : u s of a . orig n y c. the current time : 9 pm ( when i started? ) , 1 pm ( when i finished ) job or major : i majored in mechanical engineering and math. no, i canno favorite thing ( s ) about yourself : i have some good one-liners.

why you joined hqclouds : ... i helped make it. also its felt like a long while since i got to play some of my favorite babes, and i just missed them, so i obviously had to jump at an opportunity to bring them back !!!

meaning behind url : it’s uh...... next right thing , as in anna’s big song in frozen 2. and i just felt it like, FIT.

last thing you googled : zac efron high school musical gif icons, bc i wanted to use for this, but then that account was flagged as adult content and i guess those beloved gifs are lost to the void now...

zodiac : pisces in your opinion , does your sign suit you ? : yes. i am a crying fish. also i’m a pisces venus. it makes a LOT of sense. myers - briggs : istj ??? i think?? moral alignment : i can be chaotic good, but mostly neutral neutral i think hogwarts house : i used to be a slytherin, now i’m a hufflepuff. idk what happened to me.

three fictional character ( s ) you see yourself in + why : uhhhh... 1) bubbles from powerpuff girls. because i am baby. 2) juliet o’hara from psych. i’ve just been rewatching a lot of psych and i love how she’s such a serious yet funny / soft and idk why i just relate to that. 3) john mulaney in mulaney. because this is a cop-out to say i relate to anything / everything john edmund mulaney every does.

i started roleplaying : i first started on some fourms ??? on an app on my itouch ??? but my first tumblr rp group was percy jackson and everyone though i was this all knowing pjo fan... when really i was just fast to look shit up on the wikia. i had never read a single page of the series. types of rps i enjoy : fandoms, typically ! i used to be exclusively love animated roleplays? like cartoons? but then i transitioned to musicals? like, exclusively playing musical characters??? at this point, tara is like the one exception nowadays... favorite fcs to use : um... olivia holt is a recent fave? joshua basset, also. my old faves are mary kate wiles and hunter parrish tho. real old. otherwise, i don’t know if i’d say i get attached to fc’s? fandom ( s ) you’d like to write in : i kinda wanna go back to some of my cartoon roots, maybe? i really haven’t deviated from the same 8 - 9 mostly musical characters in literally years... fandom ( s ) you aren’t in but are curious about : um... the raven cycle , miraculous ladybug , uh..... everything else. i’m so randomly interested in everything.

share a funny roleplay horror story : my favorite is when i was in a youtuber rpf / oc rp, and this girl... made an oc... and made the fc... herself. she made a literal self-insert oc. with herself as the face. like low-res gifs of herself. why, you ask? i think she was trying to ship herself with dan howell. that didn’t age well, did it?

favorite canon muse ( s ) to play : do i just list all the characters i’ve been playing for literal years? my recent faves are katherine plumber from newsies and princess anna. favorite original muse ( s ) to play : i had a hunter parrish oc. he was in both the pjo and youtube rp. he was obsessed with hanging out with trees and pranks. don’t ask me why. canon ships you can’t help but love : kristoff / anna , jack kelly / katherine plumber , jake peralta / amy santiago , orpheus / eurydice , && donny novitski / julia trojan. yes, most of these are musicals. who doesn’t love a good love ballad? trope ( s ) you tend to be guilty of : uhh... adorkable, one of the boys, badass adorable

i prefer . . . angst , smut , or fluff : i am a massive sucker for fluff, but i’m so guilty of angst... i love pain. i don’t really do smut tho. sorry. long or short replies : i generally prefer short replies, unless we’ve somehow developed a thread into something long. or i’m feeling particularly inspired. pre plotting or chemistry : i love chemistry with all my heart, but sometimes it’s fun to plot past connections that can reignite? idk. mostly chemistry sentence starters or headcanon memes : headcanon memes, because im never creative to turn a sentence starter into something that makes sense, esp between two characters who don’t know each other. single muse or multimuse blogs : multimuse, because i spent too many years reblogging replies to the wrong sideblog and those days are over !!! gif icons , medium gifs , or static icons : i prefer gif icons for shorter replies and medium gifs for longer ones... or whatever my partner is using. i like some sort of consistency.

grab the book nearest to you and pull a quote from it : ‘ what’s the rush? ’ repeat this phase when you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed out. ask yourself whether somethings really needs doing immediately. are you ignoring your needs in order to do it? - the little book of sloth philosophy.

what’s a quote or song lyric that speaks to your soul ? : “ did you fall? or did you let go? ” - connor murphy to evan hansen, dear evan hansen. ( idk why this immediately jump to mind but... )

top current celebrity crushes : jeremy jordan, corey cott, jordan fisher, claire saffitz, brian david gilbert. last movie you watched : bridal boot camp did you like it ? : yes. i loved it. it’s absolute garbage and i loved it. favorite movie ( s ) of all time : idk but i can always rewatch prince of egypt. godspell favorite tv show ( s ) of all time : uhh.... i keep rewatching psych. favorite tv show ( s ) that hasn’t ended : brooklyn nine-nine, zoey’s extraordinary playlist. sports team ( s ) you rep : uh... grew up in a yankee / mets household. favorite video game ( s ) : pokemon, animal crossing favorite youtube channels : drew gooden, danny gonzalez, jenna marbles.

put your music on shuffle. what six songs pop up ? :

greased lightin’ from grease live ; oh mother by hunter parrish ; nerds by bo burnham ; a miracle would happen / when you come home to me from the last five years ; just another day from next to normal ; who tells your story from hamilton mixtape.

i haven’t listened to any of these in forever, but i am still, indeed, musical theater trash.

personal aesthetic : demin overalls, scrunchies, the color teal, big stuffed animals. dream vacation ? : somewhere beautiful with people i love. dream job ? : perhaps like designing custom 3D prosthetics dream car ? : i hate driving, but a big ol’ truck. like suv. big one. favorite musical : gospell, dear evan hansen, bandstand, newsies, shrek the musical, mamma mia, i could go on... unwatched stuff in your netflix / hulu / etc : sailor moon crystal, crash landing on you, locke & key, all the bright places, the half of it, younger, meteor, hello my twenties ...

what’s a subject you know too much about + never get tired of talking about ? : musicals. so many musicals. i know both know too much and not enough.

#cloud:task #cloud:ooc #「 ooc 」♪ ˙ ˖ ♬ ❝ wait... what? ❞

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flowers-by-the-bed · 5 years

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Just ignore this it’s just for me to try and organise myself because idk what to do right now aside from cut myself up and hit my head and I’m trying my fucking best to not do that. But as always I need the knowledge that my thoughts are “out there” rather than just writing somewhere private in order to feel like it’s helped me. Not that I have much hope for that anyway. I was doing so so well, moving on, making progress, taking control of things, finding good influences to be around and getting my work done and it all gets shattered over nothing or when my meds don’t work as well as they should. Everything in my life and everything about me is so fragile and built on such fragile foundations and however stable or genuine the changes I make seem, they are nothing. Even if my mood flips again tomorrow and things magically get better, it doesn’t make my emotions any less strong right now, and it would definitely flip back to this as soon as the next stressor happens. I hate it.

I wrote out a huge post about all my feelings earlier and it made me feel better but I went to post it and the fucking connection got fucked and it deleted itself and that alone has sent me spiralling and im so upset and angry and that just says everything, i almost threw my laptop at the wall but threw my phone instead. I’ve been trying to remember what I said because it made me feel better but I just keep crying and hitting things and myself and I cannot shake it, and that’s my reality rn

_____

I’m so exhausted being me and being this mess and I don’t want to even try anymore. Whatever I do and however much I think I make progress, I always end up back in this situation with no triggers or warning. No progress or motivation is worth it because I will never be fixed or stable and there isn’t a guide to navigate this. Why should I try and move forward when within three days this can happen and I’m back at square one. Either my meds were faulty or this is just me but who the fuck cares which it is because either way I’m just a fucking incapable piece of shit. There is no reason I should flip this quickly and feel so strongly over literally nothing but tiny normal inconveniences and the level that I hate myself because of everything and just in general is too much. I hated myself anyway but EUPD moods make it so much worse and so much more intense and I literally cannot do anything close to normal functioning when this happens. My dad came round to check how I was and I cried for a while but then I was ready to try and go out the house with him, but I saw myself in the mirror and had a complete breakdown and cried in bed for hours and didn’t speak. I’m fucking pathetic but I can feel all of the fucking fat on my body everywhere and it feels like a disease, I disgust myself. I couldn’t move or even think about going outside because I couldn’t and still cant stand the thought of anyone seeing my body. It’s vile and I hate it and even when I have a few good weeks and start eating normal amounts again, seeing my body sends me back into a spiral and I regret ever eating at all. I’m crying now because it just feels like you can see the fat expand by the minute and it makes my anxiety and anger and sadness go haywire. I don’t want to try anymore I’m exhausted trying to pretend that one day I’ll get fixed and I’ll be stable enough for myself that I can lead a normal life but it just isn’t possible. I want to drop dead because this is not living. I am exhausted of my thoughts making me think of the most triggering things when I know full well I am already bad enough that I want to die and hurt myself, and just sinking lower into that spiral until I scare myself about what I’m going to do. Every single month there is something that brings me back to this place where I remember that no matter what progress I’ve made, it’s all fake and down to some fucking pills. And as soon as those get taken away, I’m back to being some pathetic waste of space and effort who’s almost 25 and unable to even control their fucking emotions even at the bare minimum level so I can function. I felt so guilty with my dad here and me just being a wreck and unable to talk or go outside. It’s pathetic. I don’t know why I deserve a head that hates me this much and can’t do it’s only fucking job. I’m tired of faking it and tired of hating myself and tired of knowing that for as long as my life lasts, this is all it’s going to be. And it isn’t a life. It isn’t fair and I don’t know why I had to end up like this. EUPD is ugly and it is vile and eventually, whenever it happens, this will be what kills me. The only things that distracted me even a little was my dad coming over and keeping me busy before I fell back into that hole and Matt messaging me, because it grounded me a little for an hour or so because it was nice to interact when it’s been months, but it didn’t work for long. Those aside, I just want to be someone else. It’s too much, I don’t know how to get my thoughts out, I can’t get the anger out even when I hurt myself or break things, it’s like drowning in self-hate to the degree that you cannot see anything else. I just want to sleep and wake up and have this whole stupid fucking disorder and brain gone or a bad dream. It’s not hard to see why I don’t achieve anything, I will never get to my full potential because of my brain and the boat has pretty much already sailed on me achieving the things I wanted to with my work anyway. Because of how incapacitated I have always been during education because of this. It’s not hard to see why people leave, why I am too much to handle. I flip so quickly and the anger expects others to understand what’s going on when in reality I don’t have any idea either. I need validation and then I don’t want a thing from them. It’s too much. I don’t blame anyone. I blame myself. Every aspect of my life gets fucked up by my inability to control myself or my thoughts or feelings and this is just a huge fucking pity party for me to try and organise my thoughts, just so that for the rest of today, I might be able to move my head away from them now. I’m exhausted. I’m angry. I’m upset. I’m detached from 90% of the people in my life and I don’t care. I just want to hide until I drop or until just one area of my life makes sense. If I could hate myself less and not want to puke and cry and cut every time I saw my body, I’d be able to come with the sad and the angry. If I didn’t react so strongly to the smallest triggers, or felt stable, or stable in my relationships, or able to trust ANYONE, I’d be able to deal with hating myself a little better. If I didn’t read meaning into everything people say and misinterpret things, or have such a strong emotional reaction to people speaking to me or whatever then I’d have more stable relationships and I could cope better with the rest. If I didn’t have such bad anxiety affecting most of my life, the EUPD in general would be easier to control. If I didn’t feel this inability or desire to share with the people in my life who actually do care, I’d find things easier to deal with and would have an actual support system. But by my own design and suspicion and refusal to overshare and burden people directly, I’m a fucking mess. Everything hitting me at the same time, at 400% power, it incapacitates me. I wish I didn’t have a personality disorder so I knew exactly what I’m actually like, and not constantly wondering what is me and what is an illness. I wish I wasn’t anxious so I trusted people’s intentions and could be myself instead of reining myself in and being terrified of being bad at things or embarrassing myself, and never making progress with anything or anyone because of it. I wish I had a healthy relationship with food. I wish I didn’t self harm. I wish I wasn’t depressed. I just want to be someone else and be a real adult. Life is hard enough without an arsenal of chemical imbalances and broken mental Schemas. I was doing SO well and it equates to nothing. I don’t want to be a 24 year old pathetic mess of a person. It’s too much. Although I do it to myself because I’m not someone who enjoys talking directly to people about my problems and I’d never want to burden them, it’s alienating and hard to try and function without explaining what is wrong.

#personal #eupd #bpd #mental health #illness #venting

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