#idk man it’s just like. a super minor thing that’s very present and I always wonder about

[bookwyrminspiration]

MAN I wish I could be studied in a lab. just like to empirically analyze all my quirks and see what’s up. I think it’d be great

[justalilpearlie]

Introduction/Fun Pearlie Facts

Was abt time I did one of these.

Hello everyone, my name is Pearl, Pearlie or Sam/Sammy if you're feeling like it. Friends also call me Martini sometimes.

I am a minor, my labels... we dont talk about them (fem presenting ftm gay/mlm + trying out gendervoid and verinix + bigender??) uhmm and I go by He/She, tho mostly He/Him by strangers- I can She/Her myself and close friends/mutuals are allowed! (I also go by neos: Void/Moon/Sweet/It/Fluff/Love/Fizz/Paw)

I'm from Argentina, born and raised, never moved. Speak fluent english and spanish.

I got the 'tism and the adhd, aswell as BPD and a few other things I wont list right now! But yeah I'm psychotic (ooo scary word.. lmao)

- -🌄-📀-🌙- -💚- -💛- -✨-🌄-✨- -💛- -💚- -🌙-📀-🌄- -

I'm an IRL of many, mainly c!Pearl (mcyt), Samuel Emily (fnaf [games canon]) and Shin Tsukimi (yttd). If you don't like it you can leave, block me, or whatever, cause you aint gonna change my life or how I am. I'm in therapy, which unlike random hate and harrassment online, does help me :)

I like to roleplay, draw, sometimes make playlists or moodboards.. And my biggest interests right now are Life Series (+ evo + new life), Empires1(+ a bit of e2) and FNaF! (i dont rlly like the books tho lol..)

I use kin tags for reach cause I'd love interaction from any fellow lifers or empires ppl, hermits aswell!! Tho I havent finished s8 or s9 yet...

Fictionkins, therians and traumagenic systems all welcome!

- -💥-🐺-🌙- -❤️- -💛- -✨-💥-✨- -💛- -❤️- -🌙-🐺-💥- -

DNI prefferably:

- Basic DNI criteria (proshippers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, TERFs, ableist, etc)

- Endos/non-traumagenic "systems" DNI. block me if u want, i wont argue abt it in the comments/reblogs. or interact if u want but im not gonna follow u back or anythin shrugs.

- reality checkers or anti-IRLs DNI. I aint "romanticizing" shit, I'm existing and living my life, if thats a problem to you too bad cause my psychologist aproves of what I'm doing, since I aint harming anyone and I myself am doing dandy.

- anti-kin also DNI cause most of my friends are fictionkins and if you talk shit abt my fellas idk i wouldnt like having u around much

CCs interact at your own risk. This is my domain, cyan man & moon lady. /hj

- -🪸-🐸-🌙- -💙- -🩵- -✨-🪸-✨- -🩵- -💙- -🌙-🐸-🪸- -

"Disclaimer"

- I talk about MajorMoon (Scott x Pearl) a LOT, if u didnt notice by the acc theme. These are my romantic memories, its a gay ship, not woman/gay man, so if it makes u uncomfortable or u hate it or whatever then ur probably not gonna like my content lmao. COUGH, consider joining us if you do like what you see... /nf We're a small comunity of supporters.. just me.. and a few of my peeps... that was a joke, sir. /ref

- This isn't roleplay, its my main acc where im ""unapologetically"" myself, but if u do wanna rp life series/empires u can always shoot me a dm and maybe I'll give u my discord.

- I talk about myself (c!Pearl) using 3rd person in many posts tagged with main fandom tags. This is to cause less confusion to casual fans slash ""normies"" (lhj) that well.. don't know what IRLs are! Also that way I feel safer and don't have to worry as much abt getting harassed and such for my identity.

- -🌸-⛰️-🌙- -💚- -💙- -✨-🌸-✨- -💙- -💚- -🌙-⛰️-🌸- -

Special People Mentions!! fps = * (1 or more.. wouldnt say in a priority sorta order but. more or less yea)

Family! <3 🌼@pehpurr* SISTER!! super duper cool, her art is great and you should check it out!! YOU. You're the brightest little girl (i say like ur not older than me) I'VE EVER MET ACTUALLY! You're so passionate and loving I freaking adore you!! I love you so much Scar, you're one of the best things to ever happen to me, Kanny &lt;3 ⚙️@gentlexmadman DAD!! you are my daaaad, you're my dad! woogie woogie woogie! ANOTHER amazing artist! mr "I know that guy-", very funny, Henry "Autism" Emily... the copper king, my father. Speaking to you is always comforting. Love you so much papa, you're amazing :)

Simply special <3 ☕@insomniac-coffeehouse** You're all simply so very special to me. I love spending time with you guys and playing stuff together, you mean a lot to me and I'm so glad I met you. I hope we're still close for this year and many more! You're incredibly talented, not only at art, at everything you do. You spark joy in my brain and my heart <3 From the bottom of my heart, I'm in love with the hope you bring to this world. 🍊Jack***, oh my dear Jacky, where do I even begin, sport... you really are my other half. Mi media naranja if you will. haha.. I love every second we spend together, I love your voice, I love your eyes, I love your smile, your laughter. I love your use of words, the way you speak, your humor, your seriousness and goofiness. You stiff fuck, you were made for me and I was made for you, and I wouldn't have it any other way. You're my everything, mi vida, mi luz, mi estrella. Mi amor, mi mundo. <3

New friends! 🍓@strawberrystarfield I know we met fairly recently but you're all incredibly fun to talk to, your art is also amazing, your accent is real pretty (cough for a bri-💥), you're real sweet and I love reading all your thoughts and critiques about things :} (love ya Aspen /gen) 🏜️@fagdykegtws My right hand man! I know we just met through the rarepair server but oh my god we're in the same brainwave!!! You're so fun to vc and chat with and you got the best ideas ever fr fr, love ya Chewy, you're real sweet even w how lil i know you ;)

That's it folks, love yall and see you around!

[ocpdamn]

i just had a really weird hook-up experience and i guess i just want someone else's perspective on it because i'm a little shaken up. this is about a sexual encounter so obviously MINORS DNI

context: i am a cis woman and identify as queer, which to me means both being attracted to all genders and also not always fitting into the gender binary as far as presentation/behaviours "typically" associated with femininity. with that out of the way:

i meet this guy tonight for a drink. he asks me what queer means, since it's on my dating profile, and i explain to him what i just said above. we end up at my place and we start kissing and everything. i've always been more into being dominant in bed, and while that isn't the case 100% of the time, it is what i am mostly into. he can clearly tell this but says nothing of it and seems into it. we're kind of in the middle of things when all of a sudden he pulls back and tells me this isn't working. of course i ask him to explain what he means because i was just genuinely confused.

he tells me he isn't used to being with a woman who acts the way i do in bed and i'm like, ok man, we all have different preferences, sorry if i did anything that made you uncomfortable. which, to this point, it's all a little strange but can happen, maybe he just suddenly got cold feet. but then he starts panicking and asking questions about my preferences, to which i clearly say i prefer being dominant in bed. again he asks exactly what i mean, so i explain as best as i can because he didn't even know what i meant when i said bdsm, so i realised this guy was super vanilla and tried to explain the dom/sub dynamic to him. to this, he freaks out further, asks me if i have a strap on and if i had planned it to use it on him. to which i'm like??? no what the fuck this is stuff that you negotiate and that i would never do for a casual hookup??? in the midst of this he's just STARING ME DOWN and i'm genuinely starting to wonder if i have turned green or something because he's looking at me super weird and pointedly in the direction of my lower body. then he asks me if i am a trans woman (he didn't ask the question like this, but in a very transphobic way that i would prefer not to repeat). i am so stunned that i don't reply immediately so he starts going on that he doesn't mean to offend me but he feels weird about the whole queer thing, and me being dominant, and he's into women who "act more like women", which to him meant submissive. i find my voice back to tell him that i am a cis woman and my sexuality, gender identity and kinks/preferences are all very different things. he freaks out again and starts apologizing to which i'm like, it's ok, i'll even give you a cigarette, just. here's your shirt. then he asks if i want to eat something together and internally i'm like??? you just asked me if i was a man and said that me being queer makes you feel weird and like i'm not a "real woman"??? so i tell him that no, i'd just like him to go, to which he replies "ok, but you're not very nice". at this point i'm getting very pissed, so i just tell him "sorry for not being a nice polite woman like you would have liked" and then proceed to stand and watch in silence as he finishes getting dressed and leaves my place, still apologizing for offending me and still very much freaked out.

i genuinely don't know what the fuck happened. is this as simple as a dumb straight dude? did i just get a taste of transphobia even as a cis woman? did i just experience discrimination for being queer and not strictly adhering to gender roles?

i feel so weird about what happened tonight and i kind of hate myself for even going out with this dude. i recently broke up with my boyfriend and i have been going through it a little, but genuinely thought a date and sex might help me get my mind off it for a second, and now i feel like i never want to hear about dating or sex for the next 5 years.

idk i guess i just wanted to know if any of you have had any similar experiences or people reacting weirdly to you being queer/not conforming to the gender binary while in a sexual situation.

[richmond-rex]

Honestly, idk why people focus so much on Edward as the 'strong hot young warrior king™' when the most interesting thing about him is how the inexperienced young king became a successful ruler, his policy making, the way he attempted to cement his dynasty in terms of the 'iconography' of English monarchy. The warrior king image is just boring tbh, and not really an accurate representation of him imo.

As for Richard, he is more interesting to be because of his personality (as much as we can glean), the coup and the murder of the princes; I laugh when people treat him like this innovative ruler who was centuries ahead of his time. Like, sure, he was a competent administrator and a successful duke, and it would have been fascinating to see how the policies he inaugurated would have turned out had he reigned longer. But he reigned for such a short time, unintentionally destroyed his own house - dear God, John was technically a better king than him. Basically all he has going for him in terms of fascination is being a schemer, and white washing him into a Byronic hero just makes him totally boring. Plus I'm always really uncomfortable with Ricardians pushing the 'young hot ruler' narrative, because whilst he died at an objectively young age and probably wasn't unattractive, they're almost always doing it to distract from his scoliosis, which is a) super abelist b) how he must have felt about his scoliosis at a time when disability was thought of a sin, how he dealt with it and became such a formidable warrior despite chronic pain - is the most interesting speculation to be had about him.

Can't stand how Yorkist fans treat George, Elizabeth Woodville, Warwick (the most interesting figure of the wotr, imo) and his daughters - and they are the ones in the Yorkist camp! The way they write about the Lancastrians, especially the women, is revolting - I'm a classicist and the way they treat Margaret of Anjou and Margaret Beaufort respectively is very similar to how Fulvia and Livia are portrayed, I guess misogyny is just endemic in history huh. Plus, how are there so many stories about Anne Neville mooning over Richard at a time when she would at most have felt friendship and maybe a childhood crush for him, and none on Margaret of Anjou, you know, being overjoyed to be reunited with the husband she hadn't seen in literal years. I feel like the HVI-MoA love story is do under explored because God forbid a non conforming woman and a disabled man love eachother I guess. (The way Yorkists/Ricardians Talk about HVI's disability is just disgustingly abelist tbh)

Idk how people can be so unobjective when studying history? Like, obviously people will have specific figures they find fascinating, but you can't study a period by treating it like a fandom.

Anyways, here's to Ricardians making me feel ashamed of being interested in Richard-the-Bitchard. Sorry for ranting in your inbox, it's only because I love your blog and you always have the best responses. Have a nice night xx

Adding the last message to this ask because I think it's the same anon who sent it. Truly, what else can I add to this message, I agree with so many of these points. I think that instead of highlighting Edward IV's awesome hotness over and over again it would be interesting to point out how incredibly traumatic his coming-of-age was. He was a teenager thrust into a civil war who was forced to carry the banner his father had raised and bear the heavy weight of his father's legacy in that process. He was barely on the threshold of taking command of his own earldom of March because he was still a minor at the time. He lost the brother who had grown up alongside him (Edmund of Rutland) and was forced to avenge his father in bloody battles where he had to command people to kill and die. He was barely allowed to be a young man before a crown was presented as a duty and avenging avenue for him. And that violent coming of age and sudden loss of carefree youth might inform so much of his kingship and personality. Truly, the discussions we could have about it all!

I think I've said my thoughts about Richard III before. I agree about his ambition being one of the most interesting things about him. I disagree about him being a good administrator—he made many crucial mistakes but I won't be talking about them here. There's this idea that he invented bail (he didn't), freedom of speech (William Collynbourne would like to have a word), and some other equally ludicrous claims. There was some degree of reformation laws that were passed during his reign but as Pollard (who has studied parliament in 15th century England) pointed out any laws debated in parliament were the result of decades of long discussions, and hardly the will of a single reigning monarch. I agree that Richard III's disability—when people are even conceding to call it that—should be discussed more instead of erased or summed up as: 'he could walk just fine without a limp'. I wish people would talk more about the debilitating aspects of mental illness when discussing Henry VI too.

The rest of the members of the house of York truly get the short end of the stick. It's incredible how much antagonism I've seen directed not only at George of Clarence and Richard Neville (incorrigible traitors in their eyes... as if the Duke of York had not been a traitor himself, the irony is lost on them apparently) but also, somehow, Anne Neville! Some people seem to think she simply wasn't good enough for her husband, be it either because she 'died on him' or simply because she didn't give him more children. Misogyny for the win! If someone made Richard III look bad, just like Elizabeth Woodville did, then they're little better than the scum of the earth. Misogyny truly is endemic to all areas of study (and society) unfortunately so it's not surprising to find it when discussing history but all the same, it's disappointing. Thank you for providing that parallel with Fulvia and Livia, I will look more into it.

I don't think the problem is exactly the fandom approach to history—I mean, I think I understand what you mean, the partisan approach to history is counterproductive and creates abominable takes like the ones we've been discussing, though fandom, as a community for the creation of works of art, discussion, and general sharing of knowledge and love can be a powerful force for studying history. The problem is that some people still don't understand it's possible to have favourite subjects without pissing on everyone else's. Also, I would like people to discuss history from an enlightened 21st-century point of view and not as if they still believed in the divine right of kings or if they were medieval Englishmen talking traditionally nasty things about the Scots, the Welsh and the French because xenophobia is cool and acceptable to them.

Please, don't take anything I've said on this blog as a reason for you to be ashamed of being interested in Richard III. I don't think it makes anyone an inherently bad person to like him, and a single interest doesn't define anyone as a person. How people act towards that interest, though, that's what it's important. Unfortunately, I've had too many people come to yell at me about Henry VII's horribleness and Richard III's 'true kingliness' not to be a bit wary, though.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts again! And for letting me know you appreciate this blog (and my answers)! 🌹x

[old-congratzams]

endeavor x fem reader with a Kitty Cheshire quirk (neko with ability to teleport) plot: reader super low Grade villain that love to start trouble and teleport away but endeavor catches her she can’t teleport away and endeavor teaches her a lesson nsfw 😺

aaa, i hope this is good! i feel like it’s a lil bit rushed but maybe it’s just my self criticism kicking in asdhaskfhsf thanks so much for requestingggg

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐰. 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐢 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐢

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: mentions of blood, size difference, smutty smut, blowjob, cum eating, cat girl idk how to tag this one hadhsdhf

𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐒 𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓. I can’t control what you guys choose to read or not but I’d be way more comfortable if minors stayed away from my works. <3

Enji was annoyed. Doing rounds on a night market was always so monotonous because the presence of the number one hero quickly scared the villains and criminals away. But during that night in particular, things escalated quickly and Enji rushed towards the commotion.

"Endeavor, you're here! Do something!"

Chasing a delinquent that stole fish from a nearby stand was nowhere near the number one's ideal job. However, people gathering around and expecting him to do something so simple like going after a low criminal added enough fuel to his irritation and shook his ego.

"Watch this."

He followed the scent of raw fish down the streets and the trail ended in a dark alley. Enji thought he'd seen someone with cat ears and tail but didn't find anyone there, it was like they'd just disappeared right under his nose. And speaking of nose, the scent was back and it was-- behind him!

Enji was quick to grab the criminal by the arm — the first thing his gloved hand could reach. The criminal let out a squeal while in mid-air, a pair of strong hands holding her own behind her back.

"I see. A teleportation quirk, huh?"

Her cat ears twitched by the sound of his deep, dangerous voice. She tried to struggle her way out, free from the arms of the pro hero.

"There's no use, you won't be able to--"

She frenetically fluttered her tail, squirming as anxiety build up in her tummy. It was unfair that a low criminal as her would be caught by the number one himself.

"Tch."

The wiggling tail seemed to annoy Enji even further. Holding the tiny arms in one hand, the other reached for the tail in a firm grasp. The action caused the criminal to inhale deeply and freeze.

Tears gathered on the corner of her dolly eyes and red flushed her cheeks. The hero was oblivious to the fact her tail was very sensitive and any form of rough touch would send waves of warmth to her womb.

"L-Let me go..." Her voice sounded meek and bearing distress. "I'll pay for it-- I promise!!"

The grip on her tail tightened, the incoherent actions increasing Enji's suspicions. "What do you think you’re doing?!"

She gasped when Enji tugged on her tail by accident, instinctively rolling her hips and searching for friction while low moans left her mouth.

The sinful sounds put the hero in alert, his hand securing her arms now reaching for her mouth and his voice now low and threatening. "Do you want people to hear?"

The criminal shook her head even though her mind was clouded with sexual needs. Her nipples were hard as pebbles as seen from her vest.

"S-sir, it's that you're t-touching my tail..."

"Tch. I can't risk you running away."

She breathed heavily, pressed against his chest and her tail still on his hand. A sudden wave of pleasure hit the cat girl, sending shivers all over her body and a loud moan escaping her lips.

Enji pressed the girl against the wall, holding her by her face and squeezing her cheeks. "Are you insane?!? I told you to keep quiet--"

The look of pure lust, gaze lost in heaven and drool dripping from her chin made Enji realize what she meant before. It was impossible for him, a healthy man, to not go hard knowing that he caused that, even if accidentally.

Her tail fluttered, exposing the euphoria she was feeling. Although very embarassed by the situation and quite ashamed, the hero weighted his course of action.

"I'll give you what you want and then you'll turn yourself in," Enji proposed, grabbing the tail and putting it over the line of his cock, stroking both over his hero suit.

The way her eyes rolled to the back of the head and her sharp teeth drew blood from her lips encouraged Enji to continue taking advantage of the criminal. He licked her lips clean from the blood and then pushed his tongue into her small mouth, the size difference adding fuel to the fire.

"Lick it." He pressed the tip of her tail against her lips, to which she complied. "Now touch yourself with it while you suck me off."

She did everything she was told. The wetness from her previous orgasm coated her tail and both her tail and clit were very sensitive to any touch, which sent electrical shocks through her body every time she fluttered it against her small hardened bud.

While she moaned, Enji freed his cock from the suit, pushing it into her mouth. "Watch out for the teeth."

His cock was too big for her mouth so she had to open big and wide to accommodate it. Enji slowly fucked her mouth, not allowing any further than the tip to pass her lips. Her tongue worked hard around it, fluttering against the vein underneath his cock and giving it special attention.

"You probably like milk..." Enji pondered. "If you're a good girl until the end I might reward you with it."

By that suggestion, she licked and sucked eagerly. The tip of her tail fluttered faster on her clit, both sensitive from the filthy pleasure Enji was putting her through. Her tiny hands switched from massaging the base of his cock to toying with his sack.

A disappointed cry left the girl's mouth once Enji pulled his cock out of it. Precum glistened the tip and the girl probably had drunk loads of it. Enji's cock felt sensitive and was ready to shoot cum all over her face but he had other plans for her. It felt decades since he last fucked and the filthy, embarassing situation didn't help at all.

"On your hands and knees, girl."

Her legs were shaking from the heavy stimulus, the ending of her tail covered in her own wetness, but she promptly obeyed the command.

His hand grabbed the tail forcefully, getting it out of his way. The roughness he handled the tail caused the girl's pussy to tighten and dampen the suit even more. Weren't for the piece of clothing, she would be dripping on the alley like she had just wetted herself.

Enji gave each her butt cheeks a light slap, making them jiggle with the impact. He pushed aside the sopping fabric, sighing by the view of her dripping cunt and resisting the urge to plunge in one finger. Instead, he lined up his fat cock against her entrance, responding with a guttural moan by the feeling of her warm velvety pussy sucking him in.

Needless to say, his cock stretched her with ease, the wetness aiding the intrusion. She felt so full while his cock pressed just the right spots, she felt like bursting, she felt--

Enji thrusted in one rapid motion, burying his cock deep into her as soon as he felt her convulsing around him, groaning at how tight she are. He lost control the minute he felt her coming around him, even though he was only halfway through.

Tears gathered at the corner of her eyes and she spilled all over the hero. Thankfully, his suit was impermeable but the concrete underneath their knees was not.

A hand grabbed her hair while the other remained at the base of her tail, holding her in place while he thrusted into the girl. She couldn't discern if she was so high in ecstasy that his violent thrusts didn't hurt her at all or if Enji was taking such a good care of her that it's not even supposed to hurt. Either way, she knew for sure she'd be sore in the morning — in jail, perhaps.

But she didn't want to think about it while being fucked by the number one himself. His girth and length were massive, and opened her whole. The way he thrusted into her got more erratic and she could feel he was holding back.

“N-no, don't... don't hold back--!!" she pleaded, tail fluttering in agitation and her body ready to be ruined.

He let go of her hair and fisted her tail, giving it a harsh tug. Her hips were pulled back in the mean time, the new angle allowing the tip of his cock to line up perfectly with her cervix and she screamed from the sudden burn.

Enji was close to his limit, his voice cracking from pleasure and the threats that left his lips seemed empty. "If... If you keep screaming, I'll have to shut-- shut you up."

She was drenching, losing any focus she regained after coming while Enji played with her tail, but her body reached its limits and started descending from the previous high.

"E-Endeavor-san, I don't think I can come anymore..." she murmured.

He groaned, taking his cock out of her abused hole. It felt heavy, the cum ready to burst any minute. "Come 'ere, open your mouth."

His hand stroked his cock a couple times before he gushed cum all over her tongue. She let some of it spill on the ground, not able to gulp it all down. Enji looked just as wasted as the girl in front of him.

He breathed heavily as if he just won a fight, having used all of his power to win. The criminal waited patiently for him to say anything after the haze dissipated.

"You... You were a very good kitten," he praised after adjusting his suit. "But you still owe the owner some apologies after stealing from him."

She agreed, obediently following Enji from the dark alley back to the food stands. Once there, she bowed apologetically to the owner while Enji kept his arms crossed in front of his chest, trying to look the usual but his eyes betraying the fatigue and indifference towards the present moment.

After everything was settled, Enji ended up paying for the damage she had caused. He grabbed the cat girl by the neck and guided her through the streets, only one thing in his mind.

"Disobedient girls like you should have someone to discipline them. How about that, hm?"

Something in her guts was telling her that she was stuck with the number one for some time — not that she was complaining, though.

[illfoandillfie]

I don’t know if you’re still doing asks for the advent calendar. But just wondering if you could do a Ben x Reader x Present!Roger, where Ben and reader are the subs for Rog and he is hard!dom and they’re getting punished but at the end it’s super fluffy with my fav poly relationship. Idk if this makes since and I hope you could be comfortable with writing this! Btw love your writing! ❤️❤️

Oh i absolutely love this prompt and honestly i can’t think of a better way to end this thing than with a rog x ben threesome!!

Warnings: smut, spanking, edging/orgasm denial, sir kink, dom! rog, sub! ben, sub! reader, collars, a tiny bit of hair pulling, overstimulation, minor mentions of oral sex (m and f receiving), there’s also a bit where rog steps on reader, also its like 4k lmao

Blurb Advent: Day 25

It had been natural to let Roger take the lead, so to speak, in your relationship. Even in the early days, there’d never really been a question about you submitting to Roger. For one thing, you trended towards submissive anyway but something about Roger, the way he carried himself, automatically made you want to kneel before him. Age probably had something to do with it too. There was a perceived expertise because he was older (and as he frequently joked, wiser too), that had you agreeing to call him Sir and to follow his instructions, even within the first few weeks of getting together. Normally you’d wait a while before jumping into anything especially kinky with someone new, and to be fair he hadn’t rushed into bringing out the harder stuff, but it was almost shameful how fast you’d let him toy with you, agreeing to wear a collar to symbolise your submission. You’d well and truly established your dom/sub relationship before you’d agreed to consider each other boyfriend and girlfriend, (His age may have been a hinderance there, the word boyfriend not often associated with someone like him) so when Ben first met you, he assumed something entirely different. Roger had invited him around for dinner, with the added intention of being able to talk drums for as long as they wanted. Ben had shook your hand and made a comment that implied he thought you were Roger’s niece or grand daughter or something along those lines and before you’d been able to correct him he was caught up in a discussion with Roger about one of the songs he had to play in the movie. You left them too it, shrugging Ben’s assumption off. If you were going to date a man in his seventies then you had to be prepared for people to think you were connected by blood or else that you were in it for the money. Neither was true but it’s what people would think and there was no reason to get upset about it. Ben’s impression was re-evaluated later that day when he’d wandered away from the drum kit to find Roger and walked in on him giving you a quick edge. As soon as he realised Ben was there Roger apologised.

“Oh, that’s um, no, uh, no need for that,” Ben stuttered out, “I just thought, but, uh, I was obviously wrong,”

“Family or sugar baby?” Roger asked curiously.

“Family. Then sugar baby when I saw your hand up her skirt.” Ben seemed to realise what he’d said, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

“She’s my girlfriend actually,” Roger turned his head to smile at you, “I would have said so but we’ve really only just started telling people so it kind of slipped my mind that I could,”

“No worries, um, I’ll leave you to it and just go try out that bit on the drums again.” Ben turned and walked back down the hallway as quickly as he could, Roger chuckling softly as he kissed the top of your head.

“How would you feel if I invited Ben to have sex with us?” he asked suddenly.

“What?”

“I’m not saying I definitely will but…he’s been looking at you a lot this afternoon. I figured he was probably trying to work out who you were to me but if he assumed family he might have been checking you out.”

“You think?” you asked, trying to keep your tone level. Ben was fit and you wouldn’t have minded him making a pass at you, even if you’d had to turn him down.

“I’ll keep an eye on him, see if I can work it out, but would you be okay with that? If he joined us?”

“That sounds kind of fun,”

“Alright then, I’ll feel him out and see if I can’t convince him to stay the night.”

 Over the course of the afternoon and evening Roger used every trick in his book to determine Ben’s attraction to you, and if he’d be interested in a threeway, steadily getting less and less subtle. By the time dinner had been eaten just about all delicacy was out the window.

“Look, sorry again about earlier,” Roger said, passing Ben a scotch and soda, “I’ve been edging Y/N a bit today because I’m planning on fucking her rotten tonight and I want her dripping wet and ready to beg for it,”

You weren’t sure whether you or Ben was more embarrassed by that but Roger didn’t seem to notice.

“Not that I really need too because she’s got, well let’s call it a very healthy sex drive. Edging her keeps her in her place and makes sure she knows I’m the one who controls if and when she gets an orgasm, but honestly she’s ready to go whenever I ask. I could tell her to strip right now and she would.”

“Is that right?” Ben said despite himself. His eyes darted about the room, not knowing where to look, but his tone was curious.

“She’s very obedient. If you wanted I could tell her to suck you off and it would take literally two seconds for her to be on her knees.”

Ben audibly gulped, his face beyond pink.

“Should I tell her to do that Ben?”

“Umm,”

“I think she’d like it if you joined us tonight. She does think you’re fit.”

“J-joi-join you?”

“We can set up one of the spare rooms for you if you want to stay. I might even see about lending her to you for the night.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, hypothetically, if you did stay, we’d share her for a bit, make up for all those edges I gave her. Then afterwards you could take her off to another bed and have her as many times as you wanted while I got a good nights sleep. Twice this week she’s wanted me in the middle of the night, it’d be nice to let someone else deal with her instead. Of course, there would be a few ground rules but they’re easy enough.”

“Like what?”

“Oh well, you can take her raw if you like but we’d prefer you not to finish in her cunt. Anywhere else is fine though. Obviously safewords are a must and limits have to be respected, hers, yours and mine. And you do need to understand that I’m in charge. She submits to me, she calls me Sir and she wears a collar for me. We both enjoy it, we both get off on it, and we expect anyone who joins us to understand that.”

“I understand,” Ben nodded.

“Does that mean you want to stay?”

“Yes.”

Roger had grinned and turned to you, “Well, why don’t you give our guest a proper welcome.”

 Ben fit in better than you might have assumed he would. It had been natural for you to submit and apparently Ben felt the same. That first night he constantly looked to Roger for guidance and permission, not wanting to overstep any boundaries or do something that would bring the night to an end. As you’d sucked Ben’s cock Roger had commanded you both, telling you when to deepthroat him and when to come up for air, telling him to grab your hair or push you down further. After that he’d suggested Ben repay you and walked him through edging you with just his fingers, teaching him the signs of your impending orgasm so he could stop it at the last second. And when you did finally make it to the bedroom, he’d told you both how to position yourselves, giving instructions and making demands as you’d been filled by both of them. Ben joined you in calling Roger Sir, giving up control as fully as you did. When Roger suggested edging Ben himself, Ben didn’t object. He dropped his eyes and bit his lip and whined prettily as Roger stroked his cock carefully, always stopping short. Afterwards he’d been rewarded, as Roger had promised he would be, with you as company in his bed. Mostly you’d stayed up talking, Ben curiously asking questions about your relationship with Roger and how it had come about. He was most intrigued by the dominant and submissive dynamics, how it worked and how you’d felt adding an extra person to it. Of course, you’d made sure it wasn’t all talk. Ben was hot and Roger expected him to fuck you so there was no harm in it. Besides, you knew Roger would call you a good girl if you were obedient and took Ben however he wanted. Ben seemed to like that aspect of your reasoning too. He didn’t want to disappoint Roger by not using you and the chance of being called a good boy for it was motivation enough.

 You’d expected it to be a one night thing but a couple of weeks later Roger had extended Ben another invitation to dinner. Things went in much the same direction, only Ben had fallen asleep in the bed you shared with Roger rather than taking a spare for himself and the next morning had offered a repeat performance of the night before. It was the same the next time Ben came for dinner and the time after that. On the sixth time you all gave up the pretext of dinner. Ben arrived earlier in the afternoon and Roger greeted him with the order to strip, which he did without question. The next morning Roger, pleased with Ben, made a suggestion that it become more official, and offered him a collar identical to yours.

“You can say no, of course,”

Ben hadn’t even hesitated before he picked up the collar and fitted it around his throat. You’d helped him with the clasp at a look from Roger who’d then ordered you both to suck him off. From then on it became a much more regular thing. For the most part both you and Ben would submit to Roger, gradually showing Ben harder things like spankings and restraints and all the fun stuff. Sometimes Roger would just sit back and watch Ben have his way with you and sometimes he’d disappear with Ben while you were busy or not in the mood. When Roger was called overseas unexpectedly Ben stayed with you. Roger asked for photos and videos and you delighted in sending him pictures of hickeys and scratches you gave each other as well as videos of each of you edging or Ben’s cock sliding in and out of your cunt, your moans in the background. Of course, the shifts in your sexual relationships also impacted your non-sexual relationships. Ben was important to you and Roger. He wasn’t just someone you hooked up with, he was part of things. When you redecorated the kitchen, Ben helped pick out the colours and when Roger wanted someone to listen to the first demo of a new song he’d written, Ben was there to give feedback. He was an extra shoulder to lean on, an extra pair of hands when there was chores to be done, and extra person to spend time with. But even with all the changes, your sexual dynamic remained the same. Roger was in charge. And that was how he liked it. Especially when he got to punish one or both of you.

Not that his punishments were ever really punishments. Once he’d come home from a weekend trip, expecting a clean house only to find the kitchen covered in rubbish and dirty dishes while you and Ben giggled away under the covers upstairs. He’d got very stern and made you both write lines. I will complete my chores before I have sex one hundred times each. But for the most part his punishments were actually fun, if a little painful. Spanking and orgasm denial and bondage, things that you could get off on, and always for small misdemeanours like poking your tongue out at him or going over an edge before you had permission. Because you and Ben enjoyed giving up control so much, your slight bratty tendencies generally just signalled a desire to be pushed or for something a little harder than what he was giving you. When one of you acted out without involving the other he’d let them help with the punishment, giving you both an outlet for any of your slightly more dominant inclinations. But more often than not you’d wind up being punished together.

On one such occasion, you and Ben had started teasingly referring to Roger as Mr Softie within his hearing after he’d dripped ice cream on his shirt. He’d smiled and laughed along but that evening he’d got back at you, using your collars to chain you to the desk in his office, your hands bound in cuffs in front of you. For a while he left you there, just out of reach of each other, wondering what he had in store. The silence was broken every so often by one of you making a quiet suggestion as to what he might do to you or wondering when he’d return, the anticipation building with each passing minute. Your heart pounded in your chest but you only grew wetter as you were forced to wait and Ben seemed to be in a similar predicament, his pants getting steadily tighter. Finally, Roger returned, ignoring you as he placed a paddle and a vibrator down on the desk you were tied to. Without acknowledging you he unclasped Ben’s collar, giving it a tug to make Ben crawl toward the couch set up at the other end of the room.

“Sir?” Ben asked as he reached the couch, looking up at Roger from his place on the floor.

“Up on the couch. Face down. Now.”

Ben jumped to follow the direction, settling with his face pressed against one cushion, his knees resting on the other, and his hips as high in the air as he could comfortably manage.

“Right,” Roger said, turning back to the desk and continuing to ignore you, “It seems you need to be taught a lesson about respect. And I think the fastest way to teach you is to spank your arse raw. Maybe a few days of not being able to sit down will be a strong enough reminder that I own you and you will respect me.” As he talked, Roger retrieved the paddle and tapped it against his hand, just loud enough that Ben could hear, his whimpers rising as he waited for the first strike. You watched as Roger stalked towards Ben, raised his arm and brought it down hard on Ben’s arse, the shocked cry that escaped Ben almost enough to have you whining yourself. Roger didn’t pause, just lay three or four hits on Ben, each one hard enough that Ben tried to wriggle away and the sound cut through the mostly quiet room. Suddenly Roger reached for Ben’s cock, stroking his already hard member before laying another few spanks on him. Ben made a mixture of sounds, some of pain and some of pleasure but all of them egged Roger on as he edged Ben and turned his arse a dappled purple wherever the paddle struck.

“How does that feel slut? Does it hurt?” Roger’s tone shifted to one of mock whining and back in a matter of seconds, “that whore’s going to be in for it too since it was her idea to disrespect me.”

Ben howled as another few spanks hit him, tears getting lost in the cushion of the couch, but you could see how his hips jolted with every light touch to his dick and how he twitched when Roger retracted his hand.

You’d lost count of how many edges and spanks Ben had received by the time Roger hooked two fingers into the collar, using his grip to pull Ben up higher, “Do you think you’ve learnt your lesson or should I keep teaching you?”

Ben shook his head, eyes still watery and voice more of a sob, “no more, please, I understand,”

“I’m very happy to hear that. Do you think you should be allowed to cum now?”

“Yes please Sir,”

“Yeah? You think I should stop being mean and wank you off already?”

Ben nodded.

“Okay then Benny. But only if she manages to hold out.”

Ben whimpered but nodded, falling to his side.

Roger gently stroked his fingers through Ben’s with a few quiet words of praise before he turned to you. Just like with Ben, Roger unchained you and then made you crawl to the couch. It was awkward with your arms bound but you didn’t dare sit up straighter to walk on your knees, that would only leader to a harder punishment. When you reached the couch Roger stopped you, telling you to turn around and get into the same position Ben had been in, your face against the carpet and your arse in the air. The only difference was that you remained on the floor, your arse facing Ben. The first spank took you by surprise. You’d been so concerned with your position and wondering how closely Ben was watching that you’d forgotten what was coming. It was followed by another three in rapid fire, the paddle thwacking you with such force that you jolted forward each time.

“You’re in trouble Benny,” Roger said, bending slightly to drag his fingers along your cunt, “She’s already soaked. Don’t know she’ll last.”

You whined and squirmed as his fingers traced over you and then yelled when he hit you again. There was no pattern to his punishment, try as you might to find one. He gave you two hits and then pressed his fingers into you, fucking you with them for a moment, and then another five hits, his fingertips lightly rubbing your clit, another two spanks, a spank to your cunt, another three to your arse, and then his fingers again. But there was no way to tell how many spanks you’d endure before he edged you or even how he’d touch you, whether he’d twist his fingers inside you or circle your clit.

“Finger her for me,” Roger said and you heard Ben wince as he stood and knelt behind you. You heard Roger walk away as Ben sank his fingers into you. He slowly pulled them out and pushed them back in, wanting to do as he’d been told, but not wanting to accidentally push you over the edge lest he not get his own orgasm. That was until Roger, over his shoulder, told Ben to do it properly or be spanked again. After that Ben was merciless, shoving a third fingers into you and roughly pounding his them as deep as he could go.

“That’s better,” Roger said when he returned to your side, “make the whore pay for getting you into trouble.”

You cried out and tried to wriggle away as another spank came down on you, but it was impossible to escape with Ben’s fingers hooked in your cunt and your bound hands. All the same Roger placed one of his feet on the side of your head, holding you down against the carpet as he whacked you again and again, ignoring your screams and the tears soaking the carpet. He stopped and you breathed a sigh of relief but it was short lived as a buzzing noise filled the room and you remembered the toy he’d brought in with the paddle.

 There was no way to suppress your moan as Roger held the vibrator against your clit, warning you not to cum. He held it there for a matter of seconds and then pulled it away again. Ben’s fingers left you a second later and then you were being tugged up by your collar again, the thick leather band pressing into your throat.

“On the couch, whore.”

“Yes, Sir,” you managed to sob as a few more tears rolled down your cheeks.

Once you were on the couch, positioned the same way you had been on the floor, Ben was handed the vibrator.

“Against her clit, highest setting. Don’t move it until I tell you.”

You whimpered, knowing there was no way you could hold back an orgasm with that kind of stimulation. But that didn’t seem to matter to Roger. He expected you to hold it, reminding you that you didn’t have permission in low growl as he spanked you on the back of your thigh. Your arse tingled all over, stinging twice as much whenever he hit you again but it was nothing to the sensation of the vibrator against your clit.

“I’m close,” you whined before another cry was ripped from you as Roger spanked the back of your other thigh.

“Don’t move it slut. The whore needs to fucking hold it.”

You tried but it was no use, there was nothing you could think of, nothing you could do, that could keep you from disobeying. You moaned as the orgasm rolled through you and heard Roger drop the paddle.

“Don’t move it Ben,” Roger growled as he stalked around to your head, pulling it up by the hair, “I thought I told you to hold it whore,”

“I’m sorry, Sir,” you half yelled, whining as the vibrator kept buzzing against your clit.

“You will be.”

You lost sight of Roger as he shoved you back down and walked away.

“Guess we have our answer Ben. Since the whore couldn’t stop herself from cumming, you won’t be allowed to.”

“No, Sir, please, I really need to,”

“That was our deal though slut.”

“Sir,”

“Don’t argue, it’ll just make things worse for you. And don’t move that vibrator.”

Ben fell silent, though a few whimpers escaped him as he pressed the vibrator against you harder.

You were expecting another series of spanks, so when you heard the small jingle sound of Roger removing his belt you cringed away, assuming that was what he was going to hit you with. But instead of the swishing sound it made before a strike, it was followed by the sound of a zip. Roger grabbed your hips and pulled them around so he could press his cock into you. By now the vibrator against your clit felt painful, the overstimulation enough to make you sob but the feeling was only amplified by Roger fucking you hard, his jeans rubbing against your arse since he hadn’t bothered to push them down. You squealed and sobbed as he used your cunt, the vibrator torturing your sensitive clit and making you cry into the couch cushion. Roger just grunted about how tight you were and how your sobs just turned him on more, until finally he came deep inside you. Only after he pulled out did he take the vibrator from Ben, shushing you when you sobbed out a thank you. He stood behind you until he saw his cum dribble out of you and then pulled Ben up by the collar and told him to clean you up. There were footsteps as he left the room but neither of you dared disobey so Ben continued to spread your lips with his thumbs and lick along your slit, pulling a soft moan from you. Roger returned with a warm damp cloth and told Ben to stop. He swiped the cloth over your thighs and up along your lips, gently cleaning off whatever Ben had missed. When he was satisfied he asked you to move over and sat down in the centre of the couch.

“You did so well, Y/N,” he said softly, letting you rest your head in his lap and smoothing back your hair with his palm, “Do you wanna come up here Ben?”

Ben nodded and gingerly knelt on Roger’s other side, too sore to sit properly.

“You were such a good boy Ben, and I’m so proud of you for holding out,” he said as he lay the damp cloth flat against his hand and then reached for Ben’s dick, using the cloth to wank him, “You can cum now.”

Ben panted out a thank you, his voice falling into a moan as he finally got what he’d needed for so long. You watched through tired eyes as Roger’s fist pumped over Ben’s length until his hips stuttered and he moaned with his release. Roger kept praising him until he was completely spent, using the cloth to gather the evidence of the orgasm. It was thrown to the floor and Roger carefully unfastened Ben’s collar, leaning in to give him a soft kiss on the lips and whisper that he loved him. He wrapped his arm around Ben and let him settle on his chest.

“Y/N, love, can you sit up for me?”

You nodded and slowly pushed yourself up, feeling a little dazed.

Roger gently removed your collar and kissed you too, taking an extra moment to cup your cheek, his thumb wiping away the last of your tears, and remind you how good you were and how much he loved you before he let you settle in his lap again. He knew he’d have to move you both eventually. There were ice packs and aloe downstairs in the kitchen that would help with your bruised arses and he’d have to make sure you both ate something and drank some water before you went to sleep. But Roger was happy just to sit there for a while to comfort and cuddle the two people he loved most.

[betweentheracks]

Updates//Recent Inactivity

Hello all! This is me finally taking some time to sit down and offer up a rundown on how life is currently going as a means of explaining my inactivity. This is a personal post that is guaranteed to be both rambling and emotional so if that is not your cup of tea, I understand and happily advise you just skip over this post as it is not relevant to the actual content this blog was intended for.

EDITED: After reading this back I now realize this is really just me spilling the tea on my own life and is laughably dishy in details which is extremely not my usual stance on my personal privacy. But idk, it was cathartic so I'm leaving it as is despite the urge to redact 70% of what I say.

I'll start with the good news that I am officially out of lockdown and have remained COVID-19 free since my return home from the hospital. This also means my son finally was allowed to come home to me which is dazzling and exciting and also a little terrible too. He's at a precocious age where tantrums are the cool way to communicate and having been gone for so long completely thrashing his established routine has caused friction. He came home and his parent was not the same as when he left; is much weaker and less energetic than before, paler and shaky - but also there's the addition of my best friend having moved in to assist and take care of me/him while we all do our best to muddle through.

The readjustment has been rough and a lot of this week has made me incredibly thankful to have practically zero memory of how I was as a child. There have been injuries: I have been whacked in the face with the metal cover for a floor vent while dozing on the sofa instead of paying rapt attention to whatever silliness he was showing off to me, there was his complete dismissal of me asking him to stay back and away from the hot oven as I pulled lunch from it's fiery jaws only to then be faced with a toddler quickly approaching with his hand raised to touch so I naturally made a move to block him and in the process I let go of the oven door which slammed upward and clamped my arm tightly between it and the inside cavern of the oven while it was set to a roasty 400 degrees Fahrenheit - earning me a mangled arm with burns of varying degrees, and then we also had that fit where it seemed like a much more grand idea to scale the babygate cordoning the stairs and I had to rush up them to stop him from tumbling face first down two flights and of course did the falling all on my own and did it backwards then slammed painfully into the wall of the landing. This all happened within a 48hr time frame and makes me wonder why I am so catastrophically inclined.

I have bruises that range the majority of my spine courtesy of the wall and stairs, two minor first degree burns on my forearm that are in the shape of an equals and quite large despite the lack of actual pain I feel from them, and the underside of my forearm was instantly blistered then popped then melted down into a horrid glob of skin mush and sticky red-orange and is a second degree burn that I have been assured is no real cause for concern as long as I tend it with care. In all, I managed to escape my momjuries relatively unscathed and with a child that was scared senseless at having hurt his momma and is quick to listen and never stops cuddling me in the time since. Here's hoping he isn't significantly traumatized from this since exactly none of this is especially his fault and is due to my clumsy, accident-prone status in life.

So yes, The Toddler has returned home to me and after some happenings we have settled and are happy. However, his blast from the past father has suddenly just decided to reemerge after more than a year of radio silence and static and has slapped me with a custody petition. Hooray. While I have no worries on this matter due to my mother working for one of the top custody lawyers in the state and snagging him as my representation, and the utter lack of competency on my estranged baby daddy's end clearly being displayed in literally anything and everything the idiot does/says, I do have to now go through the overhaul of a custody case and that is just so weak and exhaustive. Not to mention the basis of his claims that I am not fit to raise a child are founded in my health concerns and the crazy work schedule I keep; ironically, my health is making it so that I have much less insane hours and makes this fairly moot but to each their own I guess. Also worth noting on this matter is that he only did this now because he was recently placed under penalty for child support back pay and nothing in this world matters to him like his money and this is his special way of getting one over on me for tampering with his meager earnings. (He's a wannabe musician - the soundcloud rapper sort, just so we are all on the same page here). If I thought for even a second this was a genuine desire to be an active and stable parent I would be a lot less pressed to act in favor of making it legally binding that he can only see him under a supervisory condition and share time evenly, but it just is not believable in the slightest.

So the thing is - my health is actually quite dismal presently. I'm due in for open heart surgery on the 8th of April and until then I have been doing my utmost to mind all the nagging I get from doctors, PT specialists, the surgeons that will be slicing and dicing me, and my in-family medical practitioner that sometimes remembers he is also my brother and not just an MD. But like, you guys, this surgery is terrifying and technically is two surgeries rolled into one. They'll be cracking my chest open and then stopping my heart while they lift it from where it sits sweetly unhinged and lopsided in my body and very finely shave away some of the excess muscle that has built up around the wall of my heart as well as some unfriendly scar tissue that has lingered since my last surgery years ago. Granted there is no accidental slip that nicks my ugly gargantuan heart and renders me as good as dead, once this first part is finished the other surgeon will need to be deft and very quick to place this ventricular assisting piece in the valve that has all but given up on functioning altogether and do so in the time remaining before the time limit for my heart being essentially unplugged from by body is up, which would also feasibly mean my death. Lots of exciting and terrible sounding consequences, am I right?

Well let's bear it in mind that I am just below 30 in age and therefore not duly experienced in the realm of facing down my own mortality via making all necessary legal arrangements and managing my affairs and assets so that, in event of my untimely death, the custody case still doesn't stand a chance of snatching my son away to the sad misfortune of being raised by a man that has stated openly he only has interest in his kids so far as what they can do for him/get for him in terms of benefit and that he would be unwilling to be hypocritical and never deter his children from drugs and a lifestyle of extremely questionable moral integrity and hygiene alike. Eugh. But I also have had to make sure there is a DNR in place just in case things go wrong during the operation, my will has also been finalized and notarized, all my savings and financial/material assets have been squared away to come into my child's inheritance when he is of age and, most importantly, a document that states clear and direct instructions for him to be placed in care of my mother or, if she is unwilling or incapable, he will be under custodial order and guardianship of my best friend whom he has always viewed as a pseudo-dad anyway. Legally binding and even in light of the paternity petition this document supersedes parental right by way of the provided evidence I have submitted to prove a lack of parental credibility. That's right, I spent days lowkey stalking and sleuthing about to capture what I needed to show this man for what he actually is and I have precisely zero guilt or shame for doing it; this is my child on the line and that means momma doesn't have to play by the rules of snitches getting stitches or whatever other scary street rules he tosses at me as idle threats. (He's done this routinely for all the years I have known him, and it is somehow both pathetic and hilarious because he knows for a fact that, if I wanted, I could throttle him in less time than it would take for him to form a rational thought between his drug soaked braincells - I was also a person of less than savory character not too long ago and can handle myself very well. But I digress because I am losing my track of thought.

After the surgery I will have so damn much PT and rehab, all of which will be specific to varying parts of my body that will need to be reworked and strengthened. Weeks, months of it really. This surgery is major and hits heavy enough that I will be in the hospital for at least 10-14 days just recovering from it without taking into consideration any number of complications that could pop up. Hell, if they get in there and find a situation worse than they currently have an understanding of in the limited capacity of cardiology tech can provide of such a gnarled beastly heart and realize they can't really do anything with it after all, I'll be added to the transplant list. I think this is more daunting to consider than the surgery, honestly.

In that way that doctors have about them, I was "comforted" by being informed that this was an inevitability and I would have been faced with this in a matter of years - less than a handful actually - but the way COVID-19 chewed through me sped it up. I'm sure my years of substance issues were also very helpful in this endeavor, but either way I still am unsure whether I feel better knowing this or not? Mostly I think I feel conflicted and hopeful tempered with the caution of life being super shady in the ways it has often brought me to the doorsteps of dying in situations that seem like odd chance. I also am gifted with being so capable in jinxing myself that I brought myself to COVID-19 ("The way life is going I'll probably square up with Rona next week or some bullshit." Positive test flagged within the following week) and also into labor ("Watch me go into labor on Labor Day since that would be the sort of universal pun that would strike my bad penny having ass." Indeed hatched my youngling on Labor Day of that year) by saying some things within the scope of my bad humor that instantly manifested as reality so I'm not taking any risks here lol.

The gist is that life is really stirring up the winds over here and so I haven't been online and posting anything that would make my blog valid in a fat minute. I do apologize for this and also for the fact that this post took me nearly a week to type up, but when things calm a little I will be back in full. For the time being I will be sporadic and do what I can when I can!

Thanks to anyone that read this mess all the way here! And a big thank you to all of you still supporting me!

[nancynancydrewdrewdrew]

How Nancy Drew Characters Would Handle COVID

@an-american-teen-against-crime mentioned on my post that Toni Scallari wouldn’t wear a mask that we need more Nancy Drew COVID discourse and I agree so here we go (minor spoilers)!

Also just to preface this I don’t think that not wearing a mask is an option and I don’t want to present it as an opinion thing bc masking up is objectively good, this is really just would these characters suck right now or not lol

Would Definitely Wear a Mask:

Nancy: duh. She’s totally up to date on CDC guidelines as well as state/local ones and has a bunch of masks that totally do their job but are all fashion travesties

Mattie Jenson: She’s just a really nice lady and would likely see herself as a role model bc she’s on TV so she definitely would

Henrik: I mean duh he already does for like half the game and he spends the other half in the hospital so he probably doesn’t want a repeat of that

Sally McDonald (phone friend from DOG): All I remember about her is that she was really panicked about the ghost dogs so I think she’d be panicked about this too and take proper precautions

Jenna Deblin: She just strikes me as a grade a not idiot so I think she would wear the mask. She might get a little peeved about all the changes she has to make to the Hot Kettle but she does them anyway bc she sees their purpose

Jim Archer: He’s from the 30′s so I don’t think he’d be alive now but I bet he wore a mask in 1918. Also I don’t think he fought in WW1. That has nothing to do with this, just an observation, but I think he stayed home and banked while wearing a mask

John Grey: He is a man of science (even though its like...ghost science which is debatable at best) so he would be respecting guidelines and wearing a mask

Minette: I think this one is obvious

Ollie/Freddie Randall: I remember Ollie mentioning his wife can’t stay with them over the winter bc she is sick, so they would definitely be doing everything to make sure they aren’t spreading anything or taking anything home

Isis: hear me out. She’s a wolf but also a good girl so I think she would

Rachel/Kim Hubbard: They’re really nervous and stressed even when there is no pandemic and also good at hiding so they’ve been super up to date, wearing masks, and staying home. Their masks are identical tho

Debbie Kircum: She is a smart woman of science so of course.

Miwako Shimizu: She is very attentive to the needs of others so she would, plus she lives with Takae who is old and would want to protect her

Yumi Shimizu: She also would and would yell at people for not wearing theirs

Hotchkiss: She totally would but her masks are like weird patterns or something

Ryan Kilpatrick: Quirky young people always wear masks

Mason Quinto: He likes everything to be a certain way and I bet one of those ways is not diseased

Jessalyn Thornton: Seems to have a good head on her shoulders, idk 

Harper Thornton: She seems to be of high moral fiber and really doesn’t like it when people kill other people so she would take steps to prevent doing that herself

Niobe Papadaki: One of her key character traits is being worried about getting killed so she’d be on top of things

Elisabet Grimursdottir: she would be working very hard to make sure that Skipbrot’s cases stay at just about zero, and they’re remote enough that her efforts are working

Ranger Akers: He cares about the environment and would view it as his civic duty. He also likes citing people so he would go around giving citations to people and businesses that aren’t following Moon Lake’s guidelines, and honestly good for him

Henry Bolet: He’s depressed and idk I just feel like depressed people take this seriously

Would Maybe Wear a Mask:

Ingrid Corey: She works in STEM so I’m leaning towards yes, but she’s also really into like new-agey medicine stuff so she might just think that if she eats enough peanut butter or smth she’ll be fine

Red Knott: He’s an old white guy who’s kind of an asshole, but he also likes being alone and watching birds so I think he’d be fine with self-isolation in the woods and wearing a mask when he has to go to the store

Mrs. Drake: she’s pretty self-entitled and snotty so maybe not, but then again she holds the Penvellyn name to a really high standard and would maybe see it as a civic duty

Charleena Purcell: Again, she’s pretty self-entitled, but she’s also an author so may have talked to people from all walks of life and wanted to do the right thing as a result

Jane/Marion: See she’s objectively a bad person so I would say no, but wearing one would also make her less recognizable so she might. I think she would wear one but for nefarious reasons only, which like also stops the spread of the virus so okay “Jane”

Kit Foley: He’s kind of a tool but also is friends with Kyler and Matt so they’d probably set him straight. Who knows tho

Chase Relerford: he really strikes me as someone who would say wearing a mask is an attack on his freedom (it isn’t) but also he works for a group of scientists so maybe he would realize the real deal here

Brenda Carlton: Probably wears one on-air to seem like a good reporter but then goes out to brunch with her friends like all the time and doesn’t follow guidelines

Would Definitely Not Wear a Mask:

Toni Scallari: she’s a small-town conservative politician who is named after Antonin Scalia. No she isn’t wearing a mask, and she’s turning it into a Whole Thing in River Heights. Also, as @ryan-kilpatrick points out, she would totally keep Scoop open even after it was said to close and encourage her patrons to not wear masks

Jake Rogers: unfortunately Jake is dead so wearing a mask wouldn’t really do anything so I don’t think he would go through the effort

Taylor Sinclair: He thinks he’s above it all and that his tie is enough to scare away the virus or smth idk but he’s gross so he’s not wearing one

Richard Topham: Spews some BS about how if someone had COVID he’d be able to tell with his mind so it’s unnecessary

Big Island Mike: sorry but he wouldn’t and he’d be an asshole about it, not giving you your big island bucks if you’re wearing a mask or smth

Renee Amande: She really thinks that her secret pouch or whatever is enough

Margherita Fauberg: She is as entitled as they come and would NOT bc she doesn’t like the look of them and thinks that’s a good reason

Enrico Tazza: Ironic bc he does wear a mask but it’s the wrong kind. Also he keeps his game house open on the sly and makes it a mask free zone, but don’t worry that totally backfires on him

Clara Thornton: Ugh she’s just the worst. Super entitled and yells at her family for wearing masks and also is sending really passive-aggressive family group chats about Thanksgiving

Shorty Thurmond: Ugh he is just the worst. He doesn’t wear one and intentionally gets in other people’s space just to scare them and then yells conspiracy theories about government control at them when they try to move away

Okay that’s not everyone but it’s a lot! I think most people would wear masks since that’s a normal thing to do, so if I didn’t mention someone its bc they’re just normal so there was nothing worth mentioning haha. What do you think? 

[luckycheesefoodie321]

ok...ok ok ok... ok... so I watched Mulan (2020)... spoilers + LONG POST (yo this took me an hour and a half)...

before yall scream at me for spending money on it, lemme just say i was fully intending to wait until December so that I would not have to give even more money to the Disney machine (especially in light of things that happened with John Boyega) nor endorse individuals who support police brutality or oppression... but my mum and sister nagged me to buy it so we could watch it now, and explaining the politics of supporting both Disney’s greed and the controversy around the lead actress and would’ve just frustrated us both so I paid for it -_- please don’t crucify me... 

also want to preface this by saying I am not Chinese (though I am Asian), and I understand that the 1998 film and this film have inherent issues, given neither were directed by Asian directors, let alone Chinese ones... so the representation of the Chinese culture is likely flawed (and likely straight up wrong) in many ways... additionally, Li Yifei has been shown to support the actions of police in Hong Kong, so just know I’m viewing her role purely from an acting and movie standpoint...

now that’s done... general rating for the movie

when compared to the original animated film (my favourite Disney movie of all time): scrapes by on a 5/10

movie that stands on its own as I watched it (just note I’m the type of person who can enjoy pretty much anything - even if I’m hyper-critical of it): 7/10 (I’m very generous but my viewing experience was nice)

if I break it down completely into its underlying faults and wash away the Hollywood sheen and the nostalgia filter: 4/10 for themes 8/10 for cinematography and the technical aspects... (this movie was gorgeous to look at and had some really fun camera work, sue me for enjoying the visuals)

Full SPOILER review:

For the most part, my nostalgia filter from the animated film, which I dearly dearly love, basically had me ecstatic anytime there was even a hint of a reference to the animated film (see: occasional notes from the songs), and also sorely disappointed when the acting or the general pace pulled the fun or the emotion from key points (see: A Girl Worth Fighting For being abruptly cut off upon seeing the carnage would’ve been so much more impactful because they actually showed the bodies in the 2020 version but instead we got this kinda funny convo referencing the lines completely separated from that scene)...

The biggest issue I have with the film is that Mulan was naturally skilled from the beginning and was told to suppress her abilities.. making her OP from the beginning undermines the 1998 journey where we see every step of her development both in physical ability and her emotional struggles... then through her wits, intelligence, and strategy, as well as being on par and even better than her fellow soldiers, she manages to defeat Shan Yu and makes us feel her “Hero” status is very much earned... so it takes away from what the 1998 film tried to show in suggesting Mulan could just OP her way to victory at the drop of a hat.. and also implied her being dishonest about her true identity was her primary flaw? idk thematically they were trying to be super empowering of women and the capability of women, and the boxes women are forced into according to society... but then suggest Mulan was always inherently gifted/had a special power and that is why she succeeded, while the other soldiers worked hard and effectively achieved the same goal (albeit in a less flashy manner)... so the message gets very confusing...

i felt that Xian Niang (was that her name?), the Witch, had a lot of potential, but I was also really concerned they introduced her to make sure Mulan had a female enemy to defeat, and Shan Yu/Bori Khan was a minion of this female enemy... so in that sense I’m glad she served as a foil to Mulan... I would’ve liked the parallels more if the “being your true self”/”bring honor to us all” theme wasn’t so muddled... Mulan was accepted while XIan Niang wasn’t because they both had powers, but then Mulan convinces her to take the noble path and so Xian Niang died for her? idk there was a better way to fold her into the story...

Shan Yu/Bori Khan was about as much as I expected from him... I think he matched Shan Yu for skill, though idk about ferocity or intimidation power, though the actor was decent enough... but I did enjoy his and Mulan’s fight... less impactful because he didn’t even know about her and how she was the one to take down most of his army...

didn’t mind that Mushu was missing... fondly referred to the phoenix as Mushu (though I understand there may be cultural missteps in a phoenix being the spirit/ancestor/guardian)...

I also didn’t mind they removed the power imbalance between Shang and Mulan and had her love interest be a fellow soldier...I really liked Yoson An’s character actually...but the romance element was significantly dialled back, so we didn’t get the bisexual icon that is Li Shang... also Li Yifei’s emotional acting was normal but not outstanding... so her feelings for Honghui didn’t really register much except for that first time they chat in the barracks about girls, and right before she goes home... (just me being pouty about him not joining the Imperial Guards to Mulan’s home and presenting himself for matchmaking... though I understand it was to keep focus on Mulan’s journey, not her love interest)...

while it probably wasn’t the intention of the 1998 film, the positive portrayal of gender fluidity, the specific empowerment of trans and bisexual individuals through Mulan and Shang (bc let’s get real, he was just as attracted to Ping as he was Mulan), all did not ring in quite the same way in the 2020 version... again I’m not part of either community, so I can’t say for sure, but this is what I read from it...

overall the fun was taken out, with the songs... I would say this is probably on the higher end of Disney Live Action adaptations, there were some fun moments and funny dialogue even, and I didn’t mind that they were trying to do something different, unlike some of the others which made it note for note the same... but ultimately the biggest flaw of most of the adaptations are that it removes the fun and the levity in lieu of a more serious tone... 

I accepted no songs (I was hopeful and then pleasantly surprised when they did pay some minor homages through the score to the original’s songs)... but the fun moments were meant to be intentionally undercut by the reality of the war... there’s a reason A Girl Worth Fighting For was cut off so abruptly in the 1998 version... it was the moment where these trainees (all of them young and having never experienced battle or war before) suddenly realised the severity of the situation before them, and it was in that moment they accepted their fate and duty to protect the kingdom...

the 2020 version just kind of had them walk through the carnage without any real build up... the grand battle sequence with the avalanche was pretty well done, the overdramatic “Hua Jun died but Mulan lived” scene notwithstanding.. i didn’t mind that Mulan volunteered to expose herself rather than be forced half-naked into the snow by the Chancellor dude... didn’t like Honghui got the “you listened to Hua Jun, why is Hua Mulan any different?” line... the “I believe in Hua Mulan” was kinda goofy, but I could see what they were going for... it was kinda undermined by the Commander saying “you dishonoured your family and this regiment but hey, you’re brave and loyal kid”...felt very patronising...

I’m not gonna lie, I kinda loved Cricket... he was adorable and I had half a heart attack when I thought he’d died... 

DIDN’T REALISE MING NA WEN MADE A CAMEO UNTIL I CAME ON HERE...so that was nice..

still pissed they didn’t even put the drum beats for “I’ll Make a Man Outta You”...they were using drums during the training sequence too so would’ve been real easy to do so AND THEY DIDN’T...they did it for “Bring Honor to Us All” and “Reflection”...idk why they couldn’t even give us that much of my favourite Disney song...

again, cannot emphasise enough how gorgeous this whole movie looked...and there were so many fun camera work moments... the visuals had me dead on the floor ya’ll...

idk what else i have to say now...

tl;dr I enjoyed the experience of watching it, but hooooo boi the film is flawed as hell...

[silverkoushi]

haikyuu!! headcanons

⇢ scenario: how you’d spend the holidays with them!! pt.2 | read pt. 1 here! ⇢ feat. : tsukki (karasuno), bokuto (fukurodani) & kuroo (nekoma) x gn!reader ⇢  wc & warnings:  3.3k, slightly suggestive for kuroo

ʕ·ᴥ·ʔ not @ me having the phattest crush on kuroo as you can probably tell here... dear god that man is something edit: omo for some reason the paragraphs got messed up n i just checked it after hours of posting... i fixed it now so hopefully it makes more sense ahh my apologies!! ><

tsukishima kei

୨୧ ˻˳˯ₑ*॰¨̮  idk about you but i think tsukki secretly enjoys the holidays? like he’d think the music is overbearing, the movies are disgustingly cliche, and the amount of people gathering in places is one of his worst nightmares— those aren’t the things that he looks forward to. i think tsukki loves winter, maybe because i see him as a softie who collects sweaters, hoodies, and sweatpants that keep him comfy and cozy during cold nights and chilly mornings! WITH THAT BEING SAID, tsukki dies inside when he sees you wearing any of those following outfits of his. he might get annoyed at first that you don’t ask because he was planning on wearing them that day, but when you show up at his dorm clad in his night blue sweater with a little moon stitched on the side, there are no words coming out of his mouth. he will try to look menacing, eyes in a deadpan expression but you know he’s lying, and just stare at him with a doe-like face and put his hands in yours, swinging it back and forth as you drag him out of his room and into the snowy field. you don’t even think twice about getting matching sweaters because the boy will hate you for the rest of his life, but at least you got him to wear a reindeer headband for 2 seconds in the photobooth!! most of the time, you basically just bring him to anywhere you want to go. you guys look at the humongous christmas tree they placed in the center of the plaza, and you ask someone walking by if you can get a picture of the two of you in front of him. this way, tsukki can’t complain and will be semi-forced to pose with you hehe. you thought he’d just be standing there, arms to his side with a nonchalant expression but you actually feel him put his arm around your waist and lean his head down on top of yours. 

you can’t help the cheeky smile show on your face as you tiptoe just enough to reach his cheek, and once the guy said, “ok one more!” you steal a kiss on the side of tsukki’s small smile. “hey, what was—” “thanks, mister!! happy holidays!!” you avoid his stare, and get your phone back from the guy as you scroll through the pics he took (thank god only a few were blurry). tsukki keeps glaring at you, and you understand he’s not big into pda but uh, he started it with holding you close to him like that >:( “what?? you look so cute here, though!!” you whine to him, hoping he doesn’t ask that you delete it :( tsukki gives it a once over, a warm feeling creeping on his cheeks as he studies the picture: damn, is he whipped for you. he dismisses the overreaction on his part (for once), and takes your hand in his once more, asking where it is you wanted to go next. you’re surprised he left it like that, but you’re taking advantage of this situation and drag him to more festive stuff around the plaza <3

with your parents spending the holidays abroad and working overtime, tsukki’s mom invited you to their place instead and you’re!! more than happy and oh so grateful!! tsukki doesn’t show it but he’s actually extremely nervous,, what if you don’t like his family?? what if his brother is too annoying for you, what if this isn’t the kind of in-laws you were expecting— wait, he’s thinking too far ahead and you’re looking at him with raised eyebrows. quick! he turns away from your gaze, biting his lip at getting caught with his overthinking. “tsukki, you okay?” you ask gently, looping your arm around his as you guys near his house. “yeah…” he responds lamely, and you’re not sure if he wanted you at his house for the holidays or what… but you shake the negativity away and tell yourself that this is an opportunity to show your own personality to his family!! you’re greeted by a boisterous even taller guy at the door, and his also really tall mom waving at you from the kitchen, finishing up the grand dinner. “mom and i thought you were just pretending about your relationship, tsukki~” akiteru nudges him, and you chuckle at your boyfriend’s helpless look on his face, as if telling you this is what i dealt with during my childhood. but the holiday celebration with his family went super smooth!! his mom cooked amazing homemade dishes, and tsukki was actually smiling and laughing along the poor jokes akiteru made, it was so endearing to watch. you asked to help with the clean up as tsukki and his brother play volleyball outside in the cold. 

“i’m so glad he has you,” his mom comforts you, and you nod your head in thanks while you wipe the plates clean. “i’ve never seen him so… cheerful like this, you know?” what a heartwarming thing to say :(( and yet you thought he was just finally letting loose because he’s at home!! his mom turns in early that eve of christmas, and his brother goes out to have a nightly beer sesh with his hometown friends before christmas morning tomorrow. you and tsukki are left alone in his room as you marvel at the many dinosaur related merch, posters, and even stuffies he has in his childhood room!! “don’t say it,” he threatens you lightly, even though you’ve been well-aware of his fascination for the species. a little tired from the trip earlier and ngl you’re both full from the food, you lay down on the floor, pillows supporting your sleepy heads as tsukki shares the other side of his earphones. you listen to calming, lofi music for the night and at some point, he finds your fingers in his again. “thank you for having me, tsukki,” you whisper with a yawn, remembering the night days ago where you cried into his shoulder about missing your own family during this season. tsukki doesn’t respond as he hears your light snoring, and instead turns his body towards you as he caresses the side of your face, smiling at the beauty before him. “you’re always welcome here, dummy. you’ll always have me.”

bokuto koutarou

୨୧ ˻˳˯ₑ*॰¨̮  oof!! so many holiday parties!! gift giving exchanges!! dancing and singing, drinking and having the time of your lives! of course, bokuto asks first and foremost if you’re okay going to all of these celebrations with him as he has gathered a lot of friends from different majors, clubs, and such. you didn’t expect to come with him to all of them, tbh, but since he seems so excited to bring you along you found yourself nodding along! OOPS, what a wild ride it was to meet friends you didn’t even know he had. first, bokuto asked you to help him find some gifts for the exchange parties and you comply— you love thinking up presents for diff kinds of people! “would akaashi want this?” he points at a set of compression socks for sports “you’d want that more, bo” “oh oh!! how about this for kuroo?!” he leads you to the beauty section, hairspray littering the aisle “i think that’s more of an insult than a gift…” he’ll pout at his failure to think of the best gifts for his friends, but you cling to him with your linked arms and tell him not to worry— you kinda figured the kind of people his best friends are, so you suggest things off the bat: film roll for akaashi the photography minor, a mug with a pun-ny chem joke for kuroo, and a new case for kenma’s switch lite!! “wah! you know them better than i do,” he exclaims, eyes shining in excitement as you bring the gifts and other extra stuff to his apartment to help him wrap them. with this, bokuto came up with an idea to wrap the presents in the most creative way possible, and you just stare at him in awe as he tries to disguise the mug as.. a gingerbread man?? you don’t even know how he did it! as you tape up the finishing touches with the others, you eye a small gift wrapped box on the island counter along with a card next to it, all glittery and a name scribbled on top that you can’t make out where you were seated. 

“hey, bo, who’s that for?” you point at the suspecting box, and almost immediately bokuto body slams you on the ground, obstructing your view of the gift. “bokuto i can’t breathe—” you wheeze, laughing at the way he scrambles to get up from the position but his feet slips against the unused wrapping paper on the floor. “sorry, sorry i just— STOP LOOKING” he pleads, caging you with his arms either side your figure. the both of you pause, realizing the predicament you’re in until bokuto unleashes a sly smirk, eyes pointed at you with a mischievous glint. you know that look, so you start wiggling out of his way until he plops down on you again (mind you, he’s MANY inches taller than you and his built...whew, but that’s part of the problem right now!!) and blows raspberries on your neck, the audacity!! “tell me,” he whispers against your ear after a while, voice suddenly low in tone and your senses perk up. “have you been naughty or nice recently?” he continues hoarsely, and it doesn’t take long until you burst out laughing at his attempt of being flirty right now. he finally releases you, feigns hurt from your reaction but he knows what a goofball he is.

anyway, you put all the gifts in the car and head to the many parties he was invited to!! and honestly, you enjoyed yourself albeit it got really tiring to show up with much enthusiasm compared to the last. but bokuto on the other hand never runs out of energy for some reason!! he’s still winning the games, singing his heart out with his friends, and trying all the foods in the potluck, even shamelessly!! feeding you too! it’s embarrassing >< but in a way your heart swells with the thought of bokuto being very openly proud of his relationship with you, and how his friends seem to like you as well! pictures were taken, holiday spirits and gifts were exchanged and finally, he’s free for the night <3 you’ve been waiting for the right moment to give him your personal gift to your boyf (it’s an edited picture of the two of you at one of his winning games!! you can’t draw for sht but you are the best at adding lil stickers and cute petnames all around the photo hehe) you had it inserted in a picture frame too so the gift was relatively medium sized and rectangular. when you crash at his place, you ready yourself to give it to him, having second thoughts with how corny it must seem like… as you psych yourself up on the couch, you feel his arms suddenly wrap themselves around you as he starts peppering your neck with lazy kisses. your chest tightens, eyes closed at the warmth of his lips on your skin but— you can’t get distracted!! “bo, i have something for you—” “i saved the best gift for last—” o, you say it at the same time and so you look at each other with blank stares, and then laugh at your awkwardness!! 

he lets you go first, your nerves slowly dissipating at the excited gleam in his irises, he’s so cute!! as he unwraps it, he hitches a breath, looks at you then the picture and you again and— let’s say your face was just full on bokuto territory only ;-) as much as you were enjoying his attention all on you, his gift wasn’t opened yet!! bokuto went from confident to shy mode again, hiding his face with only one eye peeking out to watch you…. for some reason, since it was a tiny box you blurted out, “don’t tell me it’s a ring, bo.” as a joke but bokuto suddenly freezes at your words. and you had to stop unboxing to make sure he doesn’t go all pale on you, but also??? was he really???? GOING TO???-- “DID YOU WANT ME TO GET YOU A RING?? I CAN RETURN THE EARRINGS TODAY, I THINK I STILL HAVE THE RECEIPT—” “bo, it’s okay!!! omg no T_T” you take his hands off his face to look at him lovingly, a kiss on his pouty lips as you reassure him his presence is all that you can ever want, but whatever it was he gave you, you’ll cherish just the same!! so finally, once you take the lid off the box you see an adorable pair of owl earrings!! it’s so cute and it reminds you of him and thats probably why he got that for you :’)))) “i also wrote you a letter but please read it when i’m asleep or something…” aww shy bokuto!! >< you never thought you’d see the day :’)

kuroo tetsurou

୨୧ ˻˳˯ₑ*॰¨̮  man.. i just know this guy wouldn’t want to let leave… the bed… with him… on christmas day. imagine something like having to stay until he can for his duties at work which ended up til late christmas eve :( you were looking forward to spending time with him back at his hometown since you don’t necessarily celebrate the specific holiday, but being with tetsurou for almost a year now and knowing he does— you wanted it to be special and memorable for him! he felt really bad making you stay at his apartment until he finishes up work, really zooming through all the documents and stuff he needed to complete just so he can spend at least a few hours of christmas eve with you. when he got home, his heart dropped to his stomach at the sight of you falling asleep on the couch, right next to the lit up christmas tree you two decorated a week ago (thats how busy he has been! you opted to fix the tree yourself, but tetsu insisted on doing it together since it’s your first holiday with him!). your favorite blanket was wrapped around you but your feet were dangling midway with no socks on and he just >:( had to carry you to bed and tuck you in— all of you!! 

he changes to a sweater and pjs before readying himself to carry you against his chest. his own body is exhausted from working non-stop, but he doesn’t let it get to him as he passes by the hallway and plops you gently on your side of the bed. you stir groggily, eyes refusing to open but you notice your surroundings are different. the room is dimly lit but the figure walking around the place isn’t amiss; with his hair sticking up and his wide shoulders, you know it’s your tired boyfriend finally home for the holidays. you smile, still sleep-induced but you try to reach over for him. “tetsu… come to bed, please,” you mumble but he hears you, and his back is against you but he smiles at your half-awake tone. “i’ll be right there,” he lets you know softly, and true to his word you feel the dip in the mattress with his warmth slowly exuding onto your own body, his hands easily finding themselves over you. you wiggle into his grasp, head against his chest and hands holding onto his waist. he feels warm, he feels like home, and you press a kiss where his neck meets his collarbones. “mm, merry christm…” you mutter, losing consciousness but he doesn’t mind. he lets you snore your way into dreamland, watching your eyelashes tickle the surface of your skin, lips partly open as you breathe in and out. suddenly, his tense muscles relax with your presence oh so close to you, and he sleeps soundly after a few minutes of admiring your face.

as the sunlight filters thru the windows, kuroo wakes up first but knowing it’s his day off (finally), he relaxes into the bed and just observes the tiny details of your face, same as the night before but with some of the brightly shining rays of the sun hitting the right spots— you’re breathtaking to him. he feels you stir in his embrace so he pretends to snore because he knows you like to get up as soon as you feel awake. “tetsu…” you mumble, popping out your head from his grasp to peer your eyes at him pretending to not hear you. “you’re a lousy liar, i know you’re up,” you tell him, rubbing your nose against him as a form of an eskimo kiss. it takes so much out of his restraint to bite his lip in pure love for you, so he gives in and kisses you on the lips. 

you are taken aback for a split second until you comply to his request, and you spend your first christmas morning with him in bed just like that <3 he still asks if you guys can spend the whole day just tangled into each other’s embrace but you lecture him playfully, knowing that he had a christmas party to attend to in the afternoon with his closest friends (bokuto, akaashi, kenma, and others) and you have a lovely dinner planned in the evening. he wiggles his eyebrows, fingertips tracing the exposed skin on your chest, “what if we skip all of that and i just have you for dinner instead?” “KUROO TETSUROU IT IS TOO EARLY FOR YOU TO SAY THAT RIGHT NOW—” you swear to god, it is his teasing and malicious intent that will kill you one day. but the blush on your face doesn’t go unnoticed, and yet kuroo complies with your light nagging, getting up and getting ready for the day. you’re happy that he finally has the day off, and being with his friends during the party truly lightened up his mood. afterwards, he then asks where you got a reservation during the busiest time of the year, and you just winked at him and zipped your mouth. 

since you ate a bit at the party, you knew you had some time to finish prepping the food you had prepared the night before, it all just needed to bake or be cooked on the pan. and bec of his exhaustion last night, he didn’t even open the fridge at all so there were zero suspicious at your surprise dinner. urging him to take a long, hot bath, he drags you with him. “you seriously want me to take a bath by myself?” he says in shock horror, and normally you would join him hah but you tell him that your parents are calling, just wanting to say hello. a little sad, kuroo nods in understanding and so he goes about his way while you cook the food with haste. he likes to take his time in there but you know you won’t finish beforehand, so once he’s out of the bathroom, you immediately go right in front of him to hide the view of the kitchen. you played yourself, seeing kuroo only in his bathrobe with his chest exposed, you slap him right at the center to ignore the sensation in the pit of your stomach. “what?? what’d i do???” “existing right in front of me like that!!” kuroo laughs at your embarrassment, but kisses you on the forehead nonetheless. he ignores the obvious smell of pasta and chicken in the apartment, ignores the messy apron you forgot to take off because he thinks you really wanted to surprise him. so he goes to the room to change, thinking about how lucky he is to have you in his life. the rest of the night ends up with the both of you having a romantic dinner in the dining room, talking about everything you already know about each other—but it never feels repetitive. he always feels so renewed with you, falling in love every day. 

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi :) I... really wanna read a fanfic or two but I can't find one I vibe with xD So... do you know one that's not too long (around 100k words maybe), has hurt and comfort, smut (am I allowed to ask about that?? Ahhhh) and a happy ending? Top!lock would be a bonus but it's not necessary. And if it's a nice AU (like... any kind but no crossovers pls), it would be perfect! :D By the way, I found your blog only a few hours ago and I already feel really comfy and Idk, kinda at home here ^-^

Hi Nonny!!!

Welcome to my corner of the Tumblrsphere!!! I’m so happy you’ve found me, LOL, because I love all my followers and friends! <3

First of all, I think it’s super cute that “not too long” to you is “around 100K” LOL LOL LOL!!! <3 That said, I’d argue all my fic recs are fabulous, LOL. But again, I’m stupidly proud of the wonderful lists I’ve accumulated, because it satisfies my organization kink LOL. And yes, you’re ALWAYS allowed to ask for smut here LOL. 

ANYWAY, so I’m gonna use this ask as an excuse to post up a long-overdue part two to my 50 to 100K fic list! But first, here’s some past lists for the genres you’re looking for:

FIC MASTER PAGES: PG1 || PG 2 || PG 3

Toplock (Mar 2020)

Omegaverse

Please Check PG 3 for all my AU fic lists. There’s a lot :)

Hurt / Comfort Pt. 1: Under 5K Words 

Hurt / Comfort Pt. 2: 5K to 10K Words

Fandom Favourites / Popular Fics

I hope those will get you started! So now, here’s the main event!! Hope you enjoy them!

50 - 100 K WORDS Pt. 2 (Novel Length)

See also:

Fics Under 2000 w.

Fics Under 2000 w. Pt. 2

Fics Under 2000 w. Pt. 3

E-Rated Johnlock for Newcomers Pt 1 (Short Fics under 20K)

Novella Length Fics: 25 to 50K (Aug. 2019)

Novel Length Fics: 50 to 100K (Nov. 2018)

Novel Length Fics: 100K+ w. (May 2019)

Long S3/Post-S3 Fics (20K+ w.) [Apr 2020]

Top 20 Fave 40K+ w. Fics (April 2017)

Smut-Free Fics Over 50K (Aug 2019)

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by SilentAuror (E, 50,635 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4/S4 Divergence, Case Fic, For a Case / Reverse Fake-Relationship, Conferences, Marriage Equality, Travelling / New York, Pride, Homophobia, Bottomlock, Marriage Proposal, John POV, Sexuality, Love Confessions, Emotional Love Making, Public Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Passionate Kissing, Needy/Clingy Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Touching / Hand Holding, Bed Sharing, Little Spoon Sherlock, Intense Orgasms) – John and Sherlock go to New York to attend a conference run by the National Defence of Traditional Marriage Coalition in order to investigate the potential bombing of the annual Manhattan Pride parade. As the conference unfolds, John finds himself repulsed by the toxic ideology being presented, which becomes relevent to his own unacknowledged issues and his friendship with Sherlock...

Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."

Points by lifeonmars (E, 53,791 w., 42 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || HLV Rewrite / Canon Divergence, Married Life, Pregnancy / Baby Watson, Drinking to Cope, Boxing / Fisticuffs, Clueless John, Angst, Minor Medical Drama, Tattoos, Christmas, First Kiss/Time, Eventual Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Doctor John, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Case Fic, Drugging, Blow/Hand Job, Emotional Love Making, Parenthood, Passage of Time) – What if His Last Vow never happened? This fic picks up a few months after John and Mary's wedding, in an alternate universe where Magnussen doesn't exist, but Mary is still pregnant. Life continues -- just in a different direction. And slowly, Sherlock and John find their way to each other.

Never Change a Running System by Lorelei_Lee (E, 54,246 w. || Pre-TRF, Romance, Humour, Drama, Sex Toys, Anal, Rimming, Masturbation, Frottage, Blow Jobs, Public Sex, First Kiss / Time, Virgin Sherlock / Loss of Virginity, Accidental Voyeurism, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Experiments, Naive Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Straight With an Exception John, Hand Jobs) – Sherlock discovers his sexuality – with far-reaching consequences for John.

A Hundred Crimson Sols by elldotsee (E, 55,536 w. || Astronauts AU || Mars Exploration / Space Travel, Slow Burn, Shy Sherlock, Scientist Sherlock / Biomed Engineer John, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, UST, Angst with Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injuries, Suicidal Ideation, Zero-G Sex) – Will Holmes is a chemical researcher recognized widely for his contributions to the new Mars exploration program. Thanks to his ground-breaking developments, the IMMC (International Mars Mission Corporation) is one step closer to Martian colonization. Will and his team of scientists are headed out on the first of three manned missions before the first group of settlers arrive. Three days before launch, one of the crew has to be replaced. Will panics because...new people. The replacement is of course one John Watson, biomedical engineer and space hottie who was pretty sure he had retired from actual space exploration and was now content to work in the nice, quiet research lab. Can the crew survive this TOTALLY ROUTINE trip? Will they be able to endure each other for the looooooong trip in close quarters? Gonna be a wild ride... prepare for blast off. Part 1 of the SpaceBois go to Space series

The Thing Is by TSylvestris (E, 56,743 w. || Case Fic, Dev. Rel., Anal/Oral, Blow Jobs, Meddling Mycroft, Drama, Romance, Humour, Casual Encounters, Pining Idiots, Possessive Sherlock, Orgasm Delay, Rough / Alley Sex, Public Sex, John Whump, Drugged John, Emotional Love Making, Awkward Relationship, Marriage of Convenience, Switchlock) – The problem with living with Sherlock, John thought, was that you never, never, ever knew the significance of anything. Like your flatmate's nose buried in your hair. Whilst you're in bed. Part 1 of Nitroglycerine

One Little Change by jadztone (E, 58,312 w. || ASiB Divergence, Fake Relationship, Bed Sharing, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss / Time, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bi John / Gay Demisexual Sherlock, Switchlock, Alternating POV, Jealousy, Misunderstandings, Case Fic, Angst with Happy Ending, Emotional Love Making, Butt Plugs, Cuddles) – Our story begins right after John and Sherlock's first meeting with Irene Adler in September. It splits off into an AU that imagines them taking a case where they act as bait to hook a killer targeting closeted gays in secret relationships. In the weeks leading up to Christmas, many things happen that have our boys wondering if maybe they have a chance with each other. Then Irene fakes her death on Christmas Eve, and things get a lot more complicated - especially since they still have a killer to catch.

floating through a dark blue sky by Lediona (M, 58,966 w. || Notting Hilll AU || POV John, Celebrity Sherlock, First Date / Time / Kiss, Past Drug Addiction, Angst with a Happy Ending) – Of course, I’d seen his films and always thought he was, well, brilliant -- but, you know, a million miles from the world I live in. Or, when John is the owner of a travel book shop and the famous Sherlock Holmes stops in one day.

The Burning by SrebrnaFH (M, 60,658 w. || Reverse Reichenbach, Suicide, Depression, Hurt Sherlock / John, Separation, BAMF John, Good Big Brother Mycroft, Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, Fake Character Death, Rescue Mission, Reconciliation / Reunion, Hospitalization, Marriage Proposal, Illnesses, Physical Therapy, Happily Ever After) – Something went very, very wrong. John had seemed, if not happy, then reasonably content with his life. Sherlock had never predicted something like THIS might have happened. Not in his worst nightmares. He was the lousiest friend ever, apparently. At least Mycroft found him something to occupy his mind with, so that he didn't have to go back to 221B and stare at the walls and the chair, where John Watson would never sit again.

This Thing All Things Devours by cypress_tree (E, 63,844 w., 15 Ch. || In Time AU || Science Fiction, Dystopian Universe, First Meetings, Action / Adventure, Romance) – In 2169, time is money—literally. Humans are genetically engineered to stop aging at 25, when the numbers on their arm start counting down from one year. When that time is up, they die. The only way to get more time is to earn it, borrow it, or steal it.John Watson lives day-to-day in the crowded slums of Zone 13. He never imagined living any differently—until he meets the practically-immortal Sherlock, and helps him on a case to track a local time-thief...

The Bells of King's College by SilentAuror (E, 64,019 w., 5 Ch. || Post-S4, Missed Opportunities, Angst with Happy Ending, Fake Relationship, Case Fic, John POV, Jealous John, John in Denial, Travelling / Holidays, Virgin Sherlock, Wedding Proposals) – It's only been two weeks since Eurus Holmes disrupted their lives when Mycroft sends John and Sherlock to Cambridge to pose as an engaged couple at a wedding show in the hopes of solving six unsolved deaths...

Hell Sent, Heaven Bound by ConsultingHound (M, 64,381 w, 16 Ch. || Angels / Demons AU ||  Fallen Angel Sherlock / Angel Cop John, Alternate First Meeting, Slow Burn, Case Fic, John & Lestrade are Friends Before Sherlock, BAMF John, Mind Palace John, Friends to Lovers, John in Denial, Sherlock Picks Out John’s Clothing, Clubbing / Dancing, Mildly Jealous John, Awkwardness, Kidnapping, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Sacrifice, Worried / Anxious Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Immortal to Mortal) – Ex-War healer and current angelic guard John Watson is not having the best day. He overslept, he’s underpaid, and now there’s someone tagging the Council’s building walls. However things may be about to get interesting: there’s an unusual stranger hanging around (the definition of tall, dark, and handsome), a literal underground cult is brewing, and rumblings are coming from hell. Can he keep his neighbourhood safe, how and why is he being connected to all this, and who the hell is Sherlock Holmes?

White Knight by DiscordantWords (M, 69,840 w., 13 Ch. || S4 Compliant/Post S4, Marriage For a Case, Jealous John, Pining John, Janine / Sherlock Fake Relationship, Serial Killers, Case Fic, Undercover as a Couple, Weddings, John is a Mess, Misunderstandings, Wedding Planning, Jealousy, Drunkenness, Love Confessions, Angst with Happy Ending) – Green. The word green was used to convey a great many things. Illness. Envy. Inexperience. Standing there amidst Janine's chattering bridesmaids, watching Sherlock furrow his brow and study fabric swatches, watching him smile and simper and flirt, John thought it a remarkably apt colour choice. Because he felt quite sick to his stomach, he feared the source of said sickness might very well be jealousy, and he had absolutely no idea at all what to do about it. Or: Sherlock needs to fake a relationship for a case. He doesn't ask John.

Being John Watson-ish by elwinglyre (E, 69,902 w., 17 Ch. || Bodysnatcher AU || Author John, Cranky Sherlock, Angst, Sexual Tension, First Kiss / Time, Falling in Love, BAMF John, Past Soldier John, Feelings, Inside Someone’s Brain, Shy Sherlock, Sherlock Loves John, POV Sherlock, Switchlock, Slow Burn, Internal Dialogue, Mental Turmoil) – When consulting detective Sherlock Holmes steps on one toe too many at a crime scene, he's consigned to a desk job in an archaic office on the seventh-and-a-half floor of the New Scotland Yard. It’s in this bleak office that Sherlock discovers a portal into the mind of renowned author John Watson. Grander than his mind palace, this new wonderland affords Sherlock new vistas of experimentation. To learn more about the mystery behind the portal, Sherlock seeks out and befriends Watson. But then it all goes wrong when others find the secret portal door—including the man whose brain he visits.

Just To Hold You Close by sussexbound (E, 70,841 w., 18 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Sherlock POV, ASD Sherlock, PTSD John, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Cuddling/Snuggling, Platonic Cuddling, Enthusiastic Consent, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Sexual Tension, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddle Negotiations, For a Case Until It Isn’t, Hair Petting, Sexual Negotiation, Anxiety, Trust Issues, Slow Burn, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Hand/Blow Jobs, Referenced Self Harm / Abuse / Suicidal Ideation, First Kiss/Time, Anal) – When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.

The Vapor Variant by 88thParallel (M, 72,684 w., 18 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-THoB, John Whump, Protective Sherlock, Guilty Sherlock, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD John, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Suspense, Virus, Sickfic, Big Brother Mycroft) – They stood face to face in the middle of a clearing. The dim light of the moon barely allowed Sherlock to see the glassy terror in John’s eyes and the sweat that glistened off his forehead. His nose was bleeding again, blood dripping in a slow stream from his right nostril. They were both gasping for air, John’s eyes locked on Sherlock’s. There was no recognition there, just wild animal fear. Time stood still for an eternal few seconds, and Sherlock took a shaky breath. “John—”Spell broken, John spun and bolted back into the woods. Still heaving for air, Sherlock took off after him.

Summit Fever by J_Baillier (M, 78,802 w., 18 Ch. || Mountain Climber AU || POV John, Angst, Tragedy, Suicidal Ideation, The Himalayas, Mountain Guide / Doctor John, Mount Climber Sherlock, Loneliness, Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Injured Sherlock / Sherlock Whump, Pining John) – After graduating from medical school, John Watson followed his heart to the Himalayas. Ten years later, he's a haunted cynic working for his ex-lover's trekking and mountaineering company. Will leading an expedition to Annapurna I—the most lethal of all the world's highest mountains—shake John out of his reverie, and who is the mystery client added to the group at the last minute?

The Monument of Memory by J_Baillier (M, 79,663 w., 14 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It Fic / S4 is Canon, Angst, Family Drama, Guilt, Case Fic, John Loves Sherlock, Complicated Feelings, Mentalism / Hypnosis, Murder, Grieving John, Sherlock is a Bit Not Good, Team Work, Trust Issues, BAMF John, Psychological Trauma, Protective John, Autistic-Spectrum Sherlock, Parentlock, John POV) –  A genius traumatised by a past he's only beginning to recall. The psychopath sister that time forgot. A missing woman and a mentalist who may or may not be a murderer. And, in the middle of it all, stands John Watson.

Thermocline by J_Baillier (M, 83,557 w., 14 Ch. || Scuba Diving AU || Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marine Archaeology, Asexual Sherlock, Horny John, Relationship Drama, Technical/Scuba/Wreck Diving, Slow Burn, Underwater /  Medical Peril, Doctor John, Hurt Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, John POV, Protective John, Body Appreciation) – John "Five Oceans" Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?

The Summer Boy by khorazir (T, 94,706 w., 6 Ch. || Post S3/Post TAB/Alternate S4, Friends to Lovers, Flashbacks, Sussex, Bullying, 1980′s Kid Sherlock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inexperienced Sherlock, Grief/Mourning, Pining Sherlock, Background Case Fic) – About half a year after the fateful events at Appledore, Sherlock and John embark on a private case in Sussex. For Sherlock, it’s a journey into his past, bringing up memories both happy and sad that he has locked away for almost thirty years. For John, it means coming to terms with the present – and a potential future with Sherlock. Part 1 of the The Summer Boy series

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU ||  BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn't truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes." Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

31_Days_of_Porn_Challenge_2017 Series by distantstarlight (E, 96,540 w. across 31 stories || Prompt Ficlets, Assorted Kinks, PWP) – A collection in response to the 31 Days of Porn Challenge issued by AtlinMerrik! Thanks for doing that because this has been buttload of fun (that joke never gets old). All stories will be brief stand-alone one-shots.

The Baker Street Nativity by SwissMiss (E, 99,662 w., 23 Ch. || Nativity! AU || Teacher Sherlock / TA John, Pining, Sherlock POV, UST, Angst, Christmas, Music/Song Fic, Anal / BJ’s, First Kiss / Time) – Fusion between Sherlock (BBC) and Nativity! (2009 movie starring Martin Freeman). Sherlock is a primary school teacher and John is assigned to be his classroom assistant. Together, they are charged with putting on the school's Nativity play. What could possibly go wrong? Part 1 of The Baker Street Nativity Verse

Given In Evidence by verityburns (M, 97,884 w., 19 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Angst, Drama, Case Fic, Romance, BAMF!John, Submissive Sherlock, First Kiss, Humour) – Coming back from the dead can be a complicated business. With a new case on the horizon, rebuilding a life is one thing... rebuilding a friendship quite another. For Sherlock and John, things may never be just the same...

[normal-thoughts-official]

Fandom racism anon here and yeah absolutely (I didn't realise I had anon on lol)

Because while LOTR has problems within its themes (ie the orcs can be seen as to be coded as people of colour, especially since they ride elephants) the explicit message of the book is evil bad

Because the only people who work for sauron are evil. There are no morally grey people, they aren't misguided or tricked they just are evil and want to take over the world

And yeah I totally agree that this is more of a literal take on like empirical war (is that the word) and that makes total sense considering Tolkiens history

Whereas I would say that the allegories in shaowhunters is way more based on racial conflict within a country itself especially slavery, I can't remember if this is show Canon but is it that they have the warlock tropheys? I remember that in the books magnus talks about shadowhunters hanging warlock marks on their walls? (sorry to bring the books up)

Idk it's very hollow to me, unlike with LOTR though it's a different allegory it's totally irritating to show many of these supremecists as morally misled. LOTR says bad guys are bad guys, shadowhunters says well yeah they did follow a guy which thinks that downworlders are subhuman and should be eradicated but they just made a mistake

I want to compare this to tfatws which while it isn't really fantasy I just feel like it shows how the priorities of the writer can impact the message of the show so powerfully (I know u aren't up to date so I'm gonna be pretty vague)

There's a scene in tfatws where the new white perfect captain America does something bad and doesn't pay for the consequences - done to comment on white privelege and how America condones white supremacy and how Sam is in comparison to that

Mayrse and Robert revealed to be part of the circle! And paid no consequences Shock horror my parents were the bad guys (even rho they were either implicitly or explicitly extremely racist the entire time) also I haven't finished the seires but do the lightwoods ever try to get their parents to face the consequences?)

Only one actual really critiques the situation and the reality behind it whereas the other one is just to centre the white characters once again and present them in a further sympathetic light

AND ANOTHER THING! I was mostly talking about show Canon here and I'm sorry to bring up the books but I literally can't believe I hadn't picked up in this before.

So like downworlders = people of colour, Simon is a vampire so is coded as a person of colour. However in the books in the last one he stops being a vampire and becomes a shadowhunters instead, coincidentally that's also when he starts dating Izzy HOW IS THIS ABLE TO HAPPEN!!????

I mean I know cassandra clare is lazy right? The original seires is by far the worst of all her writings but come ON!!!!! By the allegory has he become the white man!????? These books made no fuckin sense when I read them at 15 and they make no sense now I'm digressing anyways

I don't know man I wrote this ask because I was trying to find some fantasy book recommendations on booktube and SO MANY of them were about slavery or general ly extrême préjudice with à White protagonist to save this 'poor souls'.

Also I was watching guardians of the galexy the other day and realised nearly every movie set in space is just bigger stakes imperialism - planets instead of countries. Literally star wars, star trek, guardians of the galexy 2, avengers infinity war - all are facing genocidal imperialistic villains without actually paying much, if any attention to those effected

Just writing this ask made me exhausted I'm so tired of lazy writing and exploiting other people's struggle. I'm white and I'm trying to be more critical about the movies, shows and books I watch and read but let me know if I said something off here❤️❤️ you gotta get up to date with tfatws man, Sambucky nation is THRIVING!!!!

i'm not sure i agree that the whole "the evil people are evil" thing is a good thing, because i feel like more often than not making the bad characters just like... unidimensionally evil just means that the reader will be like "lol i could NEVER be that guy" and when it comes to racism that is a dangerous road to take because white people already believe that racism is something that Only The Most Evil People, Ergo, Not Me, Can Do, which makes discussions of stuff like subconscious racial bias and active antiracist work become more difficult because people don't believe they CAN be racist unless they're like, Lord Voldemort

which is not to say that racism should be treated as morally ambiguous, just that the workings of racism should be represented as something that is not done only by the Most Hardcore And Evil, but rather as a part of a system of oppression that affects the way everyone sees the world and interacts with it and lives in it

yes the warlock trophies are mentioned in the show, albeit very quickly (there is a circle member who tells magnus that his cat eyes will make "a nice addition to his collection" and then it's never mentioned again because this is sh and we love using racism for shock value but then not actually treating it as a serious plot point or something that affects oppressed ppl). and you are absolutely right, shadowhunters (and hp, and most fantasy books) has genocide as its core conflict and treats it, like you said, in a very hollow way, treating racism as both not a big deal and not something that is part of a system of oppression, but really the actions of a few Very Bad People. it's almost impressive how they manage to do both at the same time tbh

i think you hit the nail right on the head with this comment, actually. for most of these works, racism is SHOCK VALUE. it's just like "lol isn't it bad that this bad guy wants to kill a gazillion people just because they are muggles? now that is fucked up" but it's not actually an issue. in fact, when this guy is defeated, the whole problem is over! racism is not something that is embedded into that world, it's not a systemic issue, it's not even actually part of what drives the plot. the things that led to this person not only existing but rising to power and gathering enough followers to be a real threat to the whole world are never mentioned. it's like racists are born out of thin air, which is dangerously close to implying that racism is just a natural part of life, tbh

anyway my point is, it is never supposed to be questioned, it is never part of a deeper plot or story, its implications are barely addressed except for a few fleeting comments them and there; so, it's not a critique, it's shock value, even though it is frequently disguised as a critique (which is always empty and shallow anyway. like what is the REAL critique in works like hp or sh/tsc other than "genocide is bad"? wow such a groundbreaking take evelyn)

about simon and the book thing: i actually knew about this and the weird thing about this is that, like... simon is jewish, and he's implied to be ashkenazi (calls his grandma bubbe which is yiddish, which is a language spoken by the ashkenazi ppl), and it seems like cc is always toeing the line between him being accepted by shadowhunters and then not accepted by them, which sounds a lot like antisemitic tropes and history of swinging between (ashkenazi) jewish ppl being seen as the model minority myth and thus used as an example by white christians, and being hated and persecuted. i'm not super qualified to talk about this since i'm not jewish and i'm still learning about/unlearning antisemitism and its tropes, and i don't really have a fully formed thought on that, tbh; it just reminds me of the whole "model minority" swinging, where one second simon is part of the majority, the other he's not, but always he is supposed to give up a part of himself and his identity in other to be "assimilated" by shadowhunter culture. this article (link) covers a book on jewish people and assimilationism into USan culture, this article (link) covers british jews' relationship with being considered an ethnic group, and this article (link) talks a bit about the model minority myth from the perspective of an asian jewish woman

it just really calls to my attention that cc chose to make her ashkenazi jewish character start off as a downworlder and then become a shadowhunter. i don't think she made that decision as a conscious nod to this history, because it would require being informed on antisemitism lol but it's incredible how you can always see bigoted stereotypes shining through her narrative choices completely by accident. it just really shows how ingrained it is in our collective minds and culture

and anyway, making a character go from the oppressed group to just suddenly become the oppressor is just. wtf. not how oppression works, but most of all, really disrespectful, especially because she clearly treats it as an "upgrade"/"glowup" that earns him the Love Of His Life

also, out of curiosity, are you french? it seems like your autocorrect changed a few words and i'm pretty sure extrême and préjudice are the french versions of these words, and since u said ur white, that's where my money would be lol

[wuxian-vs-wangji]

Sorry if you've answered this before but I'm curious about the lost tomb. Does one need to watch the other seasons to watch the reboot or whatever the new thing is? I saw gifs from it a couple months back and thought the cast was really pretty but didn't watch because I didn't want to have to watch all that other stuff to get to the pretty boys yanno? Would I be losing out on anything by not watching the other content?

Hum...

So I watched “The Lost Tomb” first, the original season is only 10 episodes long, and then dove immediately into “Reunion”;  but since every single character is re-cast between seasons with extremely few exceptions, you still have to learn everyone over again. I did feel like I was missing some stuff, but not to a degree that impacted my viewing.

Um... I’ll make a little character guide for you. Read that and you should be fine::

Wu Xie (Iron Triangle #1)

Wu Xie is the main POV focus. Wu Xie’s great-grandfather began robbing tombs during China’s great famine as a way to feed his family. He left behind The Gravedigger’s Notebook (title of the book series), which catalogues hidden tombs both explored and rumored. It is considered the family’s greatest treasure.

Wu Xie does not rob tombs to make money. He believes in studying their history and secrets, and sort of goes in as an advanced scout before summoning archaeological teams and donating everything inside to museums and such.

In the original “Lost Tomb” series (2015), Wu Xie is poisoned inside a tomb. To save his life, Xiao Ge feeds him something called “Dragon Medicine”- an ancient, rare form of Chinese medicine that grows more potent with age. The piece Wu Xie eats is 3,000 years old, and it causes permanent changes to his DNA. This appears in the story as both Wu Xie’s blood being used to protect others sometimes and whenever someone mentions Wu Xie having “Dragon’s Blood”.

Kylin // Zhang Qiling // Xiao Ge (Iron Triangle #2)

A 100+++ year old tomb raider. Xiao Ge is the patriarch of the most powerful tomb raiding family- though he doesn’t have anything to do with them. His kind are incredibly long lived and he may even be an immortal- so long as he doesn’t die of injury, starvation, cold, etc.

His blood is a deterrent to most of the creepy crawlies in tombs, it can cure some poisons, and he has two fingers on his right hand that are elongated and possess near super strength thanks to an ancient and lost technique. 

Xiao Ge often wanders off on his own, but he always appears when Wu Xie is in trouble. For an unknown reason, Xiao Ge has had a couple instances in the past where he as badly injured and lost time or memory entirely, so much of his past is a mystery to him as well.

Wang Pangzi // Fatty (Iron Triangle #3)

Wu Xie’s constant companion and, along with Xiao Ge, one of his best friends. Pangzi was a tomb robber once upon a time, but a couple of raids in a row landed him with Wu Xie, who doesn’t allow him to steal.

Pangzi has friends in low places, but Wu Xie has become the person he is most loyal to. Seriously, they act like an old married couple most of the time. Oh, and Pangzi might have magical abilities like Xiao Ge- no matter how long they’ve been in a tomb or how unprepared they were to enter, he somehow always has plenty of peanuts or sunflower seeds in his pockets. It’s a running joke.

** Wu Xie’s uncle Sanxing had a companion and right hand man named Panzi who is mentioned a couple times. It gets confusing, just a heads up.

Wu Sanxing // Third Uncle

(Couldn’t find a GIF)

Wu Xie’s father is the first brother, Wu Sanxing is the third (the second is listed next). Wu Xie idolized his uncle Sanxing his entire life, but Wu Sanxing vanished after a tomb exploration, never to be seen or heard from again. 

Wu Xie’s guiding mission is to find his uncle Sanxing at all costs- but to do that he must use his grandfather’s notebook to follow in his uncle’s footsteps and try to piece together a decades-old mystery.

Wu Erbai // Second Uncle

Wu Xie’s... second uncle, lmao!

With Wu Sanxing missing, Wu Erbai is the only family Wu Xie has around (in some “Lost Tomb” adaptations Wu Xie says his parents are dead, but in this one it is implied they are alive but estranged from Wu Xie). Wu Erbai is a bit of a mob boss, though he is kind to his family. He tends to finance Wu Xie’s explorations and takes a keen interest in his nephew’s safety and wellbeing.

A-Ning

(No GIF)

A-Ning was one of the first tomb robbers Wu Xie ever encountered on his travels. Over “The Lost Tomb” series, Wu Xie and A-Ning go from enemies to friends- and there are little hints that they may have been heading towards intimate relations.

In “Reunion”, A-Ning is revealed to have died on Wu Xie’s watch as they searched for a tomb (IDK if this is part of another of the Lost Tomb shows, I’m going back now to watch my way through the whole series). Her memory is very present in the story, so it was worth mentioning her.

Black Glasses // Hei Yanjing

(Not Giffed, but... you know... look for a dude all in black wearing sunglasses religiously)

One of the people Wu Erbai has on his payroll. Black Glasses is another semi-immortal. He is only a little bit younger than Xiao Ge, and very nearly his equal in terms of power. 

Yanjing’s main abilities lie in his eyes though. Out in the world- day or night- he is blind without his simple black sunglasses. In a pitch-black tomb though, he can see perfectly due to his insanely good night vision.

Xiao Ge fights mainly with his sword, but Yanjing is more fond of modern weapons such as guns. He’ll use anything to his advantage- and he’s quite mouthy. I think he and Xiao Ge are... cousins? Or something?

=========

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That’s pretty much it for “Reunion”. There are a few other characters who are returns from earlier seasons, but their purposes are pretty easy to guess and their roles minor enough that you’ll pick up on their characters pretty quickly. This includes Liu Sang- the one whose GIFsets I keep sharing :)

The show contains itself in its own story very well, so I think you’ll be able to make it through. But if you feel lost, all I watched before going into it was “The Lost Tomb” from 2015 (10 episodes), mainly to learn who the characters are. You can also look up the characters in the DMBJ Wiki (DMBJ = shorthand for the name of the novel).

[riceccakes]

Earth, Wind, and Coffee: Chapter Four Analysis

and now the last chapter of the fic! i really had so much fun writing these analyses so i hope you’ve enjoyed too :))

i’ve got a lot to say about this last chapter too so be prepared for a long one. lets get to it, shall we?

some fun stuff before we start!

before changing the direction of the story, the last chapter of the fic was going to be Chapter 3: The Meeting, A Well Deserved Jab, and a Good Night’s Rest

so, The Meeting was going to happen, korrasami was gonna come back together and instead of the krew outing during this chapter’s A Well Deserved Jab, korrasami was gonna go out on a date. korra still would punch iroh, korra never ‘moved in’ with asami, it was just gonna be a fluffy section. A Good Night’s Rest was actually going to feature hiroshi going to asami’s apartment while korra was over and being like “who the fuck is this” and korra was gonna be upset asami didn’t tell her dad about them (as, in the og timeline, they would be dating at this point) they’d have a convo working this out, a little like how korra said she’d never understand how asami and hiroshi don’t have a great relationship in A Much Needed Conversation. korra would then go to hiroshi’s office and make that whole speech and still ask asami to go the south. this is a v summed up version, one that when i made it, i was happy with. having published what i did, i much enjoy that ending more than this one :)

i wanted a way to show that korra likes asami (obviously, this is a korrasami fic) but of course, asami spent most of this only wishing korra liked her

mako asking out korra was a late edition, one i actually really like. mako’s role in the fic is pretty minor, sorry to those of you who really love him and maybe wanted more from him. however, i am a really big fan of the fact that in lok, even after all the stupid love triangle shit, mako was able to be good friends with korrasami, so i still wanted to capture that. he’s not at all upset when korra turns him down, but rather super happy for the fact that korrasami feel the same way about each other. an even later edition to this point is the bedroom scene when korra asks asami to wait for her, i’ll mention more about this scene later cause i really love it.

and we in gooooo: (i usually try to write these following the sections of the chapter but for this analysis, im gonna go topic by topic within each section)

literary devices (diction, figurative language, etc.):

There have been better days than this one. Days where Korra blows up Asami’s phone with funny Instagram posts she finds while Asami’s at school, days where she invites Mako and Bolin over and the four of them play board games, days where Korra asks if they can go out for a walk and she excitedly explores the area around Asami’s apartment. There have been worse days than this one. Days where Korra won’t get out of bed, days where Korra won’t speak, days where Korra won’t even look at Asami and she has to see that glossed over gaze gawk out the glass window.

back again, just quoting my favorite sections. and this one, yall, this one. the mirrored writing style, the ending with alliteration, how easily it describes a passage of time i mean come on. when i wrote this i was like “yyyyaaaasssss” and i won’t deny it. the “glossed over gaze gawk out the glass window” is obvious in alliteration, one that just sounds so good, it rolls off the tongue. but, there’s actually also another one, one that’s a bit more hidden “she excitedly explores the area around Asami’s apartment” note how these both end the descriptions of korra’s bad/good days respectively, as a sort of way to frame which parts of the sentence correspond with the good days and bad days. now, going onto korra’s days, three examples of good days, three examples of bad days (that’s technically six different days right there, and it doesn’t even have to be in succession.) what i also love about this info into korra’s days is how it shows a passage of time without having to be like “it’s been a few weeks” or “after some time/a while” it doesn’t stick out, at least not to me, it’s not a jarring way to say, “hey, in the story now, time has passed since last chapter!” idk, i just am really proud of this paragraph and i wanted to point it out in its own section :)

Asami will never, ever say she’s happy that the Red Lotus attack happened, but, it’s what brought Korra to her. It’s what brought more friends to her, it’s what brought her to see her father isn’t as great and almighty as she’d grown up to believe. How could she ever thank something so horrible for bringing about all these life changing things in her life?

this sort of, existential section, was something i came up with on the toilet. (tmi? im not gonna apologize tho, this is a behind the scenes explanation of my writing and some of my best writing happens on the toilet ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) any who, i didn’t want to leave any loose ends and, up until this chapter, i don’t really think i showed how asami felt about the attack and the situation and what’s happened after. also, asami being the perfectionist and analyst she is, i know she’d reflect on everything that’s happened to her in the span of about six months (give or take) and even more so, reflect on what’s happened with korra in the time they’ve known each other. it was a bit painful to write this section, it’s that sort of mentality that’s like “some horrible, horrible shit happened, but really, really good things came out of it. so, should i still hate all that horrible stuff or should i just appreciate the good things that came out of it?” (i’ve been debating this for years now with something personal and to this day, i’m not sure. i’m not sure if i’m more thankful for it all happening because of the few good moments it brought or if i wish none of it happened for the chance at some alternate reality of good things happening. anyways, i digress)

Kuvira stays silent for a moment, “When Hiroshi reaches out to you, tell him everything you said to me. Tell him everything you said when we were in your apartment after the presentation. He needs to know how you feel, he needs to know how he’s made you feel for years. Hiroshi can’t change if he doesn’t know what’s wrong and you want him to change, don’t you?”

Asami grips the steering wheel, staring at the red light in front of her. Her foot slowly pulses on and off the break, inching forward, waiting for the signal.

“I do.”

She feels the pit of her stomach churn, wondering if she could ever say all of it to her father. Kuvira isn’t wrong, she wants her father to change, but not in every way. Not in the business sense, not in the ambition sense, but rather, she wants a father, she wants to feel like the man she calls Dad really deserves the title. It pains her to say he hasn’t. The light turns green and Asami’s foot hovers over the gas pedal.

“So then you’ll tell him?”

For just a moment, her Satomobile doesn’t move but with a sharp, deep breath, Asami steps on the pedal. “I will.”

back again with our car metaphor/symbol thing! i really do love this idea of using the Satomobile as a way to show the relationship between hiroshi and asami, and how asami handles that relationship. this is from A Much Needed Conversation, some time after asami’s returned to future industries, calling kuvira in reluctant hope of knowing what her father is doing. they talk about asami telling hiroshi all this important stuff, stuff that asami’s been hesitant to bring up at all. (only after a breaking point did she finally let it out) this section has a mix of it all, diction, metaphor, along with some suspense by using line breaks. 

Her foot slowly pulses on and off the break, inching forward, waiting for the signal. / “I do.” - here’s a good example of suspense. (it continues through the rest of the excerpt) so, here was have asami, absolutely scared shitless, as she always is with her father and this subject of her life in relation to him. except, now with their time apart and what happened with the meeting, asami’s kind of got this “fuck it, whatever” mentality that goes a few different ways. “fuck it, whatever” my dad totally turned on me and was an asshole, i don’t care. “fuck it, whatever” we cut off ties, i can do whatever i want. “fuck it, whatever” i might very well do whatever it takes to get my dad back because i miss him but im also super scared as per usual. “fuck it, whatever” im not the one who needs to do anything to get him back so i won’t even think about it. there’s just a lot for asami to unpack here and in the setting of her father’s legacy, it’s even more for her. 

She feels the pit of her stomach churn...The light turns green and Asami’s foot hovers over the gas pedal. - more suspense. the light is green, green means go, but asami is waiting, thinking, hesitating. this also relates to the line earlier “waiting for the signal” well, this is the signal, the green light means go. but also, kuvira telling asami to tell hiroshi everything is also the signal to go, it’s like the push for asami to do it. she sees the signal, it’s go time, and yet “Asami’s foot hovers over the gas pedal” asami is still nervous, still scared to have this conversation with her father because she just doesn’t know what’s going to happen.

“So then you’ll tell him?” / For just a moment, her Satomobile doesn’t move but with a sharp, deep breath, Asami steps on the pedal. “I will.” - this mirrors just a few lines earlier. when kuvira asks asami to tell hiroshi everything while she’s waiting for the green light, her dialogue has a line break. for dramatic effect purposes, but also to show a sense of firmness. it’s by itself, it doesn’t need to be supported; asami really, truly means this. however here, her dialogue tag is connected to the narration its related to. even while asami confirms she’ll do this, that she’ll talk to her father, it’s hesitant, it takes a moment for her to say yes. 

what i really love is how much can be covered in such few lines. i’m not sure you all saw this when reading, ive always been very into reading/writing analysis, so i’m always looking at everything with a fine tooth comb; in my own writing, it’s no different. if you didn’t see this before, i hope learning it now gives you a different perspective if you ever choose to read my fic again :)

content (typing up loose ends, leaving breadcrumbs, additional info):

lets talk about korra

a lot happens for our girl in this last chapter. i’ll try to be concise, i tend to kind of ramble. i think what’s kind of cool, and i didn’t realize this beforehand, is that theres a speech from korra in each section. in A Well Deserved Jab, we see korra’s first time speaking at the support group meeting and what i really like about this is there’s no real big event that’s happened for her to finally be able to go up there. i feel like there’s always this one, life altering moment in stories when people need to deal with trauma or just work up the courage to do something, but in our case, it’s not like that. it’s the time and the care that’s slowly been working and helping korra for her to feel ready. it’s been a culminating process for her to get to go up there and for whatever reason, korra felt ready. let’s go a little into this speech

we finally learn more about the attack. we learn why korra’s always been picking at her wrists, the memory of the zip ties are still strong and she scratches at hopes of making the feeling go away. we also hear more about korra losing control that night, which in turn made her want to control everything with her life after the event. (lil fun-ish note while we talk about some deep stuff right now, last chapter’s first paragraph, about korra enjoying pour over coffees, was a purposeful choice. when doing pour overs, you have direct and absolute control over the coffee and how you make it, which gives korra a greater sense of comfort, because she knows she’s in charge when doing this.) my favorite part about this whole speech is right before the tail end of it, where korra says “sometimes surprises are better than plans” it was never in her plan to meet someone and find comfort and support and love and grow with it. (my headcanon is that korra just wanted to mull this over alone, sort of like in book four after the canon red lotus attack.) instead, korra met asami and the two clicked and korra could see a light at the end of her tunnel she thought would be pitch black forever. i really enjoyed getting to write this for korra.

korra’s second speech takes place in A Much Needed Conversation. another scene from the fic i wrote beforehand, i think somewhere between finishing chapter two and mulling over the decision to make the fic longer. this was sort of my cathartic, “lets yell at hiroshi for being sucky” moment. a lot of points are brought up here, all of which i believe are valid. it poses the simple, yet ever complicated question of “why?” i’ll get into hiroshi’s response in a later section, but what i’ll highlight about this speech is korra’s statement, “Now, I know that I don’t need to be saying any of this, because Asami can more than hold her own in any conversation, but I am doing this because you are hurting the woman I love, and I will not just let that happen.” its a declaration of love, love that i know is deeper than just romance but also deeper than just friendship. it’s admiration for asami being so strong, admiration for asami being so powerful and smart, korra says more about it in the speech. i tried it make so that korra wasn’t trying to control this situation with asami’s father, but rather, this was korra’s attempt at getting them to try and work something out. korra wants what’s best for asami, she wants her to get everything she wants. korra knows asami wants a better father and the most korra feels she can do is slap hiroshi (with her words) across the face and get him to realize that’s what asami wants.

korra’s third and final speech opens A Good Night’s Rest. we get just a little more about that night, i actually wrote this speech out loud. i just sort of put myself in korra’s place and started talking. my intent with this opening was to give more insight into how korra feels about asami. this is also a call back to the beginning of the chapter, about waking up asami if korra ever needs her. i took this action as a solidifying definition for asami to know “yeah, korra really does love me.” sure, in the last section, korra sort of did say it, but actions still speak louder than words. a lot of this final chapter was just showing how much korra has grown, i think i achieved that.

before we move on, i just wanted to say a lil bit about the bedroom scene where korra asks asami to wait for her. it’s a small confession that i think just says so much. another time here to show that romantic korrasami will happen, but it’s also just insight into korra and her thoughts about romancing asami. she wants it too, so badly that she almost gets into it before she’s ready. did i psych you guys out like asami, who thought she was finally going to kiss korra? it’s all in the lines, “I’m almost there...I know I am, Asami. I’ll be there soon, I need to be better. I need to be better for you.” and now, after thinking about it, i almost wasn’t gonna word it like this. what korra’s saying here is that her progression is only being done so that she can be good for asami, which, i didn’t want to convey. however, sometimes, that’s just how people think; they think, “if i have to do something, i gotta do it for someone else.” and so that’s what i’ve done with korra here, it’s just this mentality that she’s growing out of. it’s okay to have this thought process, good even, but not for every single thing you do. and i wanted korra to know that, which is why i love asami’s response, “I think you’re already great.” it’s just to remind korra, yes you can get better, you will get better. but not for asami, but for yourself, because asami already loves you the way you are.

kuvopal

breadcrumbs; that’s all i’ve really done so far with kuvopal is put lil breadcrumbs everywhere for the people who like the idea of the relationship to grasp at. is that mean of me? maybe, but i really love kuvira and opal as a couple so i wanted to keep hinting and hinting and hopefully getting you readers interested too. kuvopal has been sprinkled in since chapter two and i wanted to leave the readers with just a little ounce of hope

asami’s official introduction with opal heavily involves bolin, enough to the point where the two kiss each other on the cheek. now, of course, after reading the chapter, you know bolin and opal aren’t dating, but i wanted to stress you out a lil bit xD asami is weary of mentioning kuvira, so there’s not much we really get to see about how opal feels. opal may have wanted to talk when asami mentioned kuvira just before korra asked about spring break, but she didn’t. why didn’t she say anything? do you think she’s wanted to talk about kuvira? what about her major, child services and the foster care system, do you think kuvira influenced that, being she essentially was fostered by the beifongs? do you think we’ll ever find answers? *wink*

iroh

so obviously, we don’t like iroh. if there’s anyone in this story who doesn’t get a happy ending or a second chance, it’s him because he’s the worst. i realized we hadn’t seen too much of iroh in the previous chapters and this being the last one, i needed to really show just how not cool iroh is. the soccer game is very clearly an indication of just how conceded and rude he is. after the game, his conversation with asami is bad. he’s being invasive and inconsiderate of asami and he doesn’t care. same with at the restaurant. so, of course i wanted iroh to get his comeuppance and we have that by korra punching him.

going off of this, i didn’t want it to feel like iroh got a one and done kind of deal. he was incredibly awful to asami and his “friends” and i didn’t want this behavior to be taken lightly. so, i chose to make iroh just basically lose everything :) he loses his friends, possibly his job, i just KNOW izumi is disappointed as fuck that he’s acted like this and uncle iroh is rolling over in his grave that someone of his own blood would be like this. i wanted to address iroh in his own category because i just wanted you all to know that he is the only character not getting off easy. i really hope that how iroh’s situation turned out is good, as in, he got what he deserves.

hiroshi

hiroshi was an interesting character to go about in the final chapter. obviously, throughout the fic so far, hiroshi hasn’t been a standout father or boss. if i haven’t said it before, i’ll say it now: i always wanted hiroshi to have a second chance, ie, i wanted hiroshi to try to be better. for one, asami deserves it. she deserves a good parent who’s there for her and isn’t just obsessed with his job and the glory and empire he’s built up for himself. another reason, i believe everyone (within reason, *cough cough* not iroh *cough*) deserves a second chance. at the very least one more try, to be better, and if they’re actively trying, they’re doing better.

so hiroshi gets a bit of a wake up call from not only korra, after she so passionately scolded him in the name of her love for asami, but hiroshi also got one from asami directly. take your pick as to which conversation sparked hiroshi to call her to say goodnight. it’s an effort, and asami even says it herself, that after a while, the juice of it ran out. but kuvira said it too, it’s a start. what im trying to highlight is that no one is perfect and their ways of trying to change themself isn’t going to be perfect either.

and the kicker is hiroshi going to the south, without any other reason than to see asami. hiroshi only ever travels for future industries related business, but here he goes, without kuvira, to the south to see asami. i want to keep highlighting, asami says this is just the start. she hasn’t yet fully forgiven him, but she’s giving him the chance to be forgiven. that’s what i want to make most apparent on the topic of hiroshi and asami’s relationship: hiroshi is not getting off easy. but he’s trying, and in the words of the good place, that is what matters isn’t if people are good or bad, what matters is if they’re trying to be better today than they were yesterday. hiroshi, in this action, coming to the south, is trying to be a better father that day than all the days before. offering up the job offer from tonraq is hiroshi trying to be a better boss that day than the day before. staying in the south to spend real, quality time with his daughter is hiroshi trying to be better that day than every day before that.

it’s all in the trying.

honorable mentions:

in the og timeline, back when korrasami was going to be a confirmed couple in the fic, after returning from the south, asami was going to go to the cafe at one in the morning while korra was working and korra was going to make her an avatar. i liked the full circle aspect at the time but really, i much prefer what i’ve posted over that og timeline.

anything i would’ve wanted to change?

i think, overall, i maybe would’ve wanted to divide chapters up differently. as i continued writing, the three sections definitely could’ve supported themselves as singular chapters. especially this final chapter, which was almost 20k words. but, in the end, i am so proud of this fic and of myself for following through and finishing it.

i lost a bit of steam towards the end of this analysis, i’ve actually had this in my drafts for almost two months. but, i think what i wanted to say, i did, and as always, if you have any comments or questions, or just wanna talk to me, do it ! i love any and all commentary on my writing :)) 

thanks for reading the analysis if you did x

[ljnuwu]

heartthrob!jeno

summary: heartthrob!jeno wants his habits to die but all his attempts to show you always seem to go wrong

genre: fluff(?), angst

warnings: cliche, like SUPer cliche, horrible grammar, cursing, kinda long(?) depends the kind of reader you are ig, not proofread

lee jeno amirite

alr so naturally being lee jeno everyone loves you

like how could you nOT love him its like impossible

now there are like a few people who don’t and that’s ok just live your life yknow

now lee jeno is like really really loveable

you know those situations where people are so nice that you want to kill them? that’s like everyone @ jeno minus the wanting to kill

instead it’s wanting to protect him at like all costs which is reasonable

ok so onto his dating life

jeno has a record of dating someone for like a solid one to three-ish weeks maybe the longest he’s ever dated anyone was like five weeks everyone thought he’d stay with them but it ended up breaking up so like :/

no one knows why jeno is like this like he drastically changed like kinda in the middle sophomore year 

like he went from a shy boy who couldn’t even look at a girl without blushing to this like confident boy that could make anyone’s heart flutter by just breathing

ok so like onto you

you actually were partners with jeno on a project in like the first half of sophomore year so like you know the og jeno yknow 😔

you also had like a minor crush on him at that time but we don’t talk about that

at first, you didn’t believe the rumors but then you saw/heard it with your own eyes & ears

you remember it so vividly like woah 

it was like maybe march or april of sophomore year when you were late to class and just didn’t bother going lmao 

so you were wandering around the school building and you thought you were the only one bc everyone had a class at that time so like you were kinda shocked to hear some voices in the hallways

so you wanted to be nosy bc like why not jsjd 

alr so this is what you heard 😳

“hyejin, what don’t you get? why do i have to repeat myself so many times to you?!”

“because i don’t get it! we’re literally perfect for each other!”

at this point you kinda regret eavesdropping so you try to leave quietly 

“it’s simple i don’t love you, i never did and i never will. please, did you think this would last forever? i only date for the thrill and when it’s gone so am i”

as much as you hated to admit it, you felt a little pang in your heart when you heard the boy’s words

how could someone live like that? but then again, who were you to judge how someone lived their life 

“screw you, lee jeno!” 

your eyes widen when you heard the name that was yelled out by the girl 

lee jeno?? the shyest boy on earth broke someone’s heart???? really??

at this time you didn’t know jeno was gonna be a new resident heartthrob at your school cause you’re kinda slow with news 

your friends weren’t even surprised when you asked why there were so many sad girls, seeing as you can be pretty oblivious sometimes :// me too dw 😔

so they were like jeno became like a fboi/heartthrob/heartbreaker something like that over night 

and you were like :0 bc you knew as jeno as the like really shy and nice guy who’s smile was like so adorable and made you want to protect you know 😔

alr so now to the present like two-ish years later it seems that jeno’s goal is to break like every girl’s heart at least in your grade yknow he’s going a grade at a time guys ghksd 

so you were his next target *sad emoji* how did you know this? well it seemed that he popped up next to your locker like everyday since school started back up after summer break lol

he’d usually greet you with a good morning or pickukp line

today’s was “aside from being absolutely breathtaking what do you do for a living?”

“well, i don’t really have a job but i am a student which means if i spare you any more of my breath i’ll be late to class. see you later heartthrob!” 

with that you zoom up the stairs and to your next class 

so class is over and it’s the ONLY class you share with jeno and like a third of his friends

the class was,,, overwhelming to say the least

from the girls swooning at literally everything jeno does to his friends being loud

yall know how loud like three of the members in dream are so 😔🖐

ok so this teacher is pretty chill and lets students like sit wherever which you at this moment realize is a mistake so you’re just hoping some girl at least tRiES to grab jeno’s attention and convince him but it seems luck isn’t on your side and all of the girls just seem to starstruck by jeno breathing

so he sits next to you surprise surprise 

and every time he’d tried to talk to you you’d ask the teacher a question, pretending not to hear him every time

at this point jeno got kinda annoyed but he just inhaled and exhaled, he could do this

when he was going to ask you something or flirt with you the bell rang

you didn’t pack up quickly like jeno expected- no you wanted to confuse him or maybe annoy him furthermore so when you’re practically done packing up you turn to him and say, “i miss the old shy and sweet jeno, don’t you? isn’t this whole heartthrob thing kinda tiring at times?” 

and jeno was like shook no one’s ever said that to him like woah yknow

he just kinda stayed frozen looking at you he was like: 👁👄👁 lmao jskfdj

so you just offer a smile and rush to your next class instantly regretting all your life decisions and when you get to your next class you sit down and your shoulders slump and you just bang your head on the desk yknow like jinsoul in that one live yeah :/

meanwhile jeno is still in the classroom stuck standing at that same spot and just staring at space

“hey jeno you alright bro?”

“jun shut up i think he’s having a realization moment”

“wtf is that?” 

“idk i just wanted to tell you to shut up”

and so renjun and hyuck start fighting and then jeno was like

“guys, do you miss the old me?”

“you mean the shy guy in freshman and like the first half of sophomore? nah you’re way cooler no-”

“hyuck literally shut up for oNCE oh my god”

“why should i”

“he doesn’t mean it you know we all miss the old you jeno, but who you choose to be is all up to you”

“woah that’s some deep shit renjun”

“i know bro” 

so like time skip to lunch everyone starts whispering when you enter the cafeteria and you were confused but then you sense a presence next to you and you can’t help but roll your eyes

does this guy just not give up?

so you sit at your table with your friends who give you pity looks and they eventually scoot a bit away from you and jeno 

some friends they are 😔

and you just start eating ignoring jeno because you don’t really know what to say?? like ok jsjf 

you’re kinda awkward and don’t know how to start a conversation with someone who wants to break your heart so it’s obviously gonna be a bit awkward yknow ://

then jeno just like clears his throat and is like “we were partners for a project in sophomore year, yeah?” 

to say you were surprised that he remembered that is an understatement but like your pride got the best of you and so you were like, “you can remember that but you can’t remember the last three girls you dated? interesting”

jeno poor boi chokes on his food like jaemin in that one video yknow 

but he just nervously laughs and decides he should just give up but like his pride man

“why don’t we go somewhere after school?” 

“are you asking me on a date lee jeno?”

“yes i am, you do know i’m not as shy as before, right?”

“trust me, i know that all too well” you mumble giving a tight smile you think jeno didn’t hear but he did and he thinks back to your words, it has gotten quite tiring and not to mention lonely doing this whole heartthrob thing

“well, are you going to answer my question?”

“hmm sure why not”

jeno was surprised by your answer but you just gave in knowing he won’t stop annoying you until you give in and you’d rather have a very peaceful school year

so time skip school is over and everyone collectively sighs in relief when the school gates are open 

you’re not surprised when you see jeno at the school gates waiting for you,,,,, with a bunch of girls surrounding him, asking him questions in their honey voices so you just stand there and watch him suffer at his attempts to tell them he’s got somewhere to go or smth like that 

he catches you looking at him and his situation laughing, i mean you were pretty amused by his situation but eventually you got bored and walked out of school and on your way to a cafe where you usually go to study

you don’t expect jeno to show up next to you out of breath, looking like a lost puppy

“finally got out of the hands of your adoring fangirls i assume?” you ask

you couldn’t help but smile at your own comment

“wouldn’t you like to know”

“actually i wouldn’t”

“so where to now?” jeno asks looking ahead changing the subject

you giggle again and quicken your pace

jeno finds your giggle,,, what’s the word... cute? 

no impossible

all the girls he’s been with had cute giggles

so why did he feel butterflies erupt in his stomach when you giggled? werid lmao

so yall made your way to the cafe and once you get there you immediately get your notes and stuff out

once you got everything settled and stuff you mumble a quick stay here to jeno so you can order and jeno can save your spot bless him 

so you order and stuff (i don’t really go to cafes and places like that often so that’s why i’m so awkward sorry)

once you settle back down in your seat you offer a sip to jeno and he reluctantly takes the cup and sips the drink he’s surprised at how good it is tbh same 😔

so once he sets your drink back down next to you you look up at him expectantly

“good, right?”

he simply nods and looks like he’s trying to solve all his life problems (me too bro)

you quirk your brows which jeno found REALLY CUTE LIKE REALLY REALLY CUTE HOW IS SOMEONE SO CUTE but shrug it off and go back to reviewing your notes while jeno contemplates the world’s exsistence

“so was that indirect kiss intentional or?”

you look up at him while you’re drinking your coffee with wide eyes but unlike jeno, you don’t choke you just set your drink calmly at least that’s what it looks like but inside you’re screaming 

“if we’re going to be talking and possiblly even dating for two weeks might as well become more friendly” you respond looking at him dead in the eye 

and at this moment jeno realized you had guts like bro no one he’s ever dated was that bold

and so he just smiles yknow that smile i’m sure you know that smile 

and so once you’re done studying and stuff idk you go back home and jeno offers to walk you home and you were like sure bc it’s not like he’ll take no for an answer

so the next day ! 

and on his way to school he thinks about all his life choices so far

and one of them is this heartthrob thing

is it really worth it? does he really want to continue committing to his goal i mean is the goal that important

deep shit like that yknow

and then he decided he’ll continue his goal bc why not

so when he got to school he waited at your locker for a WHILE

jeno almost gave up waiting but when he saw you rushing through the school doors his face literally lit up and he stood a little straighter

he’s whipped wbk

so he looks down at his phone rereading the pick up line he found on the internet 

when you opened your locker you were like, “sorry to keep you waiting, i missed the bus and just made for a run for it. sorry for being late, babe.”

hfhsjk i just cringed typing that hNGn ok 

so boi jeno was like shook and made that noise yknow the eH  

and you just smile and it seems your timing is always perfect bc then the bell rings 

so time skip to like a week later

by this time you’ve gotten used to jeno and jeno has gotten used to you and how you can sometimes be bold like REALLY bold lmao

and you get used to jeno being awkward and cute and his pick up lines but i mean you got used to it immediately bc that was how the old jeno™ 

so you guys are just walking with ice cream (cliche i know 😔)

so there’s this ice cream parlor that’s pretty close to your school and a lot of students go there so that’s why you’re not that surprised to see a bunch of familiar faces as you walk out of the parlor but you become aware of the fact that you are walking and holding hands with the lee jeno™ and so you kinda loosen your grip on jeno’s hand and look down at the ground

jeno notices this and immediately grabs your hand again, lightly squeezing it to reassure you everything is fine :)

and that’s when you hear it

“lee jeno got a new girlfriend already? guess i was too late” 

“don’t worry they probably won’t even last two weeks”

“how much you wanna bet they won’t even last one week”

and then your mood drops even more :(((

you think that jeno doesn’t hear it but he did and he’s >:(

and that’s when he decides that you will be first person he will love and no one else his first and last amirite

it’s not like he’s forcing himself to love you bc he’s well one his way 

everyone can see how he’s whipped for you but they still doubt it’ll last :/

so while he’s deep in thought he doesn’t realize that you’ve just stayed in that same spot after hearing those girls and when jeno realizes this he rushes to your side and takes your hand in his

then you look up at him in somewhat surprise and he just smiles

“i promise you that i will love you and only you, you’ll be my first and last love” (can you hear me dying and cringing while typing this?)

you can see the sincerity in his eyes and voice when he says this to you and you were like, “ayyy that’s a bit cringe even for you heartthrob no?”

he just chuckles softly and you can’t help but smile

believing him at that time may have been your worst mistake 

“soooo, how would you feel being my girlfriend?”

“why not, heartthrob” 

scratch that, that was you’re worst mistake

so a week later everyone is surprised to see jeno pursuing a girl for that long yknow i don’t even know what this is anymore shfjls ok 

so when it’s revealed you are official the whole school starts placing bets to see how long yall would last and although you’re kinda :( you immediately go :) bc you remember jeno’s words and decide no one needs to believe yall would last only you two. yknow cliche and cheesy stuff like that bc love has you blinded sis 

and so when you finally get to your locker you see jeno,,,, followed by a bunch of girls begging to break up with you and get with them and he just smiles and nods 

cause that’s all the poor boy knows, smiling and nods and then he spots you and his face immediately lights up and you just give him a tight smile and a questioning look bc how are you gonna get to your locker with all these girls in the way

you don’t want to be rude or anything so you just try your best to push through the crowd

when you finally get to your locker jeno’s attention goes to you and what you start doing, ignoring all the girls trying to get his attention lmao

eventually the crowd thins out and you just look to him with a slight smirk

“the heartthrob title seems to follow you everywhere, huh?”

“i really wanna drop it for you, yknow”

“hmm i can tell” 

you both just share a knowing smile and it’s so cute omg uwu

and so time skip to like lunch and you’re sitting with your friends after you had an agreement with jeno to let you sit with your friends this time around and he just obeys like a little puppy jskj

“what did he tell you that has you so whipped?” your friend finally starts with a slight smirk 

and you’re just like hmm? and look up from your food 

you aren’t necessarily into love but neither are you heartless you get me?

so you explain to them what jeno said to you that day in the shortest way possible and they just look at each other 

and you’re left clueless like, what?

and finally one of your friends speak up

“you don’t believe him right? he says that to like every girl when they’re unsure if they want to get with him”

and you’re just like ‘oh’ and look at your food

you can’t believe you actually believed his words

you’re mad at jeno, sure but more mad at yourself for believing him so you just nod at your friends

as if to tell them you understood

so skip to where you confront jeno :0

“you think you can lie to me and just simply get away with it?” you look jeno dead in the eye and he’s just caught off guard by your words and your voice 

“w-what do you mean?”

“don’t play games with me lee jeno. you know i thought something could actually come out of this, if not a relationship then at least a friendship! all you know is how to lie to someone jeno. i’m not going to waste my time on a relationship built off of lies.”

jeno is left speechless, what did you mean? why are you suddenly acting like this? wasn’t everything fine last time you guys talked

you seeing his confused face you decide to explain furthermore

“that whole first and last speech was just something you recited to every girl, wasn’t it?” 

jeno doesn’t respond for a while and just looks at you, searching for what you’re feeling but it seems he can’t figure out what it is you’re thinking

you take his silence as him agreeing with your question

you scoff and decide you’ve had enough of lee jeno today and start walking home

you weren’t surprised when lee jeno didn’t follow you 

the next day at school you don’t see jeno at your locker and you just shrug it off 

when you open your locker an envelope falls out and you hesitantly pick it up

you open it and start reading it because your curiosity got the best of you

dear y/n, i’m sorry for not following you home when it’s pretty dangerous for a beautiful girl like you to go on your own. not that you aren’t perfectly capable of protecting yourself but it would calm my heart a bit if i knew you got home safely. i just want you to know that i wasn’t bluffing when i told you that. i may have said something along the lines of those words but that doesn’t mean i didn’t mean it with you. you are probably the only person that has told me they missed the new me. when you told me that you really put me through a spiral of thoughts. one of them being what happens if i just drop this whole heartthrob thing? then what will happen. maybe i can actually find love in this highschool, highschool sweethearts are always interesting stories to tell. that’s when i realized that it could be you. someone who has seen the old me and even misses it. which, if i’m being honest i kinda do too. this is getting too long ahhhh. what i’m trying to say is that i will truly love you and only you. 

sincerely, lee jeno

you hear someone clear their throat next to you and you look up to see jeno himself with a single rose which you gladly take lmao

“give me another chance?”

“three dates starting tomorrow, all at the diner we went to. don’t be late”

“r-right of course”

the next day was a saturday and you were waiting for jeno

“hey! i know you said not to be late but something came up with my family and i couldn’t get out of helping-”

“i get it, it’s fine jeno” you smile, letting this slide

you get it, family situations are always hard to get out of

the second day was sunday and you were waiting for jeno

you start regretting ever talking to that boy, it seemed like he didn’t even care at this point

maybe that letter was nothing but lies as well

you hear a bell ring, signaling someone had entered the diner 

you look up and see jeno searching for you with worried eyes

he was about to open his mouth to give you a reason but you just nod and smile, “it doesn’t matter right now, what matters is that you’re here now”

jeno just nods his head and reluctantly agrees with you

the third and final day was monday and you were once again, waiting for lee jeno

it just so happens that he ended up getting detention today so he was going to be late

at least that’s what he texted you

when you hear the door open you see jeno and you decide he’s not worth your time anymore

jeno tries his best to explain to you why he’s got detention but all you can look at are his crinkled clothes and the lipstick stains all over his face and neck. 

he realizes you’re staring at his face. he raises his forefinger hesitantly up to his left cheek and looks down at it, only to realize what you’ve been staring at this whole time. 

when he looks up to where you stood, he tries once again, to explain but it seems the words are just stuck in his throat. 

“it’s okay, old habits die hard.” you spoke, offering him a smile and walking out of the diner, leaving a defeated jeno.

he really wanted this to work

he really wanted to give you all the love you deserved 

but nothing seems to go his way

being known as a heartless boy who gives up on trying to love or even having a relationship seems fitting for him, right?

a/n: this is crap and the ending was kinda rushed sorry :( this is my first bulleted scenario and i really enjoyed it! it turned out to be longer than i expected it to be lmao but please do drop some more requests!1! hopefully this will be a filler til i get my phone back jsjdf (part two? i’m jk skks)

[pascalpvnk]

idk if your taking blurb requests but if so pls could u do 5&8

2.1k of something I kinda threw together super quick, I’m sorry if anything seems rushed (masterlist linked in bio)

Warnings: angst, swearing, arguing, car accident, commitment issues(?), loopy reader, teeny tiny bit of fluff

5: “Wake up! Please wake up.”

8: “is that blood?” “....no?”

“Why are you making it into such a big deal, Shawn? I’m sorry that I can’t go, but I have no choice.” You try to keep your voice as calm as you can manage. There’s no use in raising it when your tone is clearly annoyed and you’re sitting in the same vehicle. At least that’s your logic, not so much Shawn’s.

“It’s a big fucking deal because it’s my best friend’s wedding!” He yells. Again, you’re both in the same vehicle, making it incredibly unnecessary.

The wedding of the century, that Shawn forgot to mention when it was announced. Yes, you saw the engagement photos all over social media but there was never a date. Brian has hand delivered the letter to Shawn while they were away on tour, so you had no knowledge of its existence. So when you’re told about it less than a month before the date, yeah you’re kinda fucking pissed. 

“I can’t go, I’m sorry. We talked about this already, why are you bringing it up again?”

“I went to your best friend’s wedding and I had to reschedule a bunch of shit to accommodate it into my schedule,” he defends.

“I gave you almost a year in advance to do that and that’s why it worked out. But Brian’s wedding? The one that I just learned about a few days ago, Shawn? I can’t request time off of work! I have absolutely zero vacation hours left, and I can’t just drop my job to go on vacation for a week for a wedding. That’s not how the real world works.”

You’ll admit, your sound raised a notch, but nothing compared to Shawn’s still. He tends to get louder when he knows he’s losing an argument. 

“Why can’t you just quit? You don’t have to work, uh hello,” he motions to himself, “problem solved. Put in your two weeks notice and we can go then.” Shawn leaves one of his hands off his steering wheel so he can bite his nails on the other. He knows he’s entered dangerous territory and that nervous habit is a dead giveaway. You two fight about this often and it’s always left unresolved, but you still have your job and it drives him nuts.

“I’m not going to quit my job and leech off of you for the rest of our relationship. That’s not how I wanna do things.”

“You’re not going to be ‘leeching off me’ or whatever nonsense you’re making up,” both of his hands raising to do air quotes around those words in particular. “We’ve talked about you moving in so you can drop the lease on your apartment and hey, newsflash: I want you to move in with me.”

You catch his eyes lurking on you before you turn away. Your heart skips a beat not just because his stare is intense but he’s driving and not paying attention to the road.

“Keep your eyes on the road before you fucking kill us.” 

Fighting with Shawn is reasonably your least favorite thing to do. That with his risky driving, on a busy stretch of road may you add, has anxiety rolling off you in waves, causing you to cover your eyes with your hands. You aren’t crying, but you just don’t want to look at him while he’s fuming or see things out the window whipping by the car. 

“I’m driving fine, I know how to drive. Don’t tell me what to do,” he snaps. If you hadn’t noticed it before, you definitely notice it now. He’s being a complete asshole for no good reason. 

“Don’t tell me that I need to quit my job. It keeps me busy when you’re on tour for months at a time. You’re working and so am I and there’s nothing wrong with that,” you state and take your hands away from your face. There’s still no desire to look out the window so you close your eyes and turn your head towards it. Now you can play with your fingers and still hide your eyes. 

“You wouldn’t need to keep busy if you just went on tour with me. There’s a thought.” His aggression is very prominent, but not just in his voice. It’s making the air thick and hot, which in other cases could be the best describing words for something, but this isn’t one of those cases. This case is completely the opposite. 

“No, Shawn, I can’t go on tour with you! I can’t move in with you! It’s too fucking early to do those things. Yes, I completely adore you and I can’t see myself without you but that doesn’t mean I’m not scared! Shit could happen and I’m not comfortable with those commitments yet, and you should respect that!” You open your eyes and stare out in front of you. Not yelling? A lost cause. It’s now the only way you feel like he’s going to listen to you and understand your decisions. 

“What?” He breathes out, looking at you. You let your eyes catch his for just a second. There’s guilt and sorrow in them, very much in contrast to the flames that were present a few moments prior, and you let yourself get lost in them for a split second

The sound of honking breaks you out of your trance. A flash of red is in front of you before you realize you’re in the middle of the intersection. A sound rips out of your throat, you’re fully meaning to yell Shawn’s name, but aren’t sure if it came out that way. A car is hurtling toward your side of the vehicle and everything feels like it’s in slow motion. Shattered glass flies around Shawn’s car as the seat belt locks against you and your head bangs against your window, causing everything to go completely dark. 

—

Shawn wakes up in the ambulance, completely immobile and utterly in pain. His pulse pounding in his ears and every light feels like they’re blinding him. He registers that he has an oxygen mask on and that he’s strapped down from head to toe. There’s an EMT above him squeezing the bag that’s attached to his mask on certain counts.

“He’s conscious,” they mutter. There’s some shuffling around before there’s a light shining directly into his eyes. “Can you hear me?”

He lets out a groan in response. When he comes to a bit more, he remembers you. You were in the car that he crashed and you’re not here with him right now. Shawn’s eyes open wide and the pounding noise becomes louder. God, what if she’s gone.

“She’s okay,” says the person who had previously been shining a light in his eye. “The girl in your car, whoever she is to you, is in the other ambulance and she’s stable. Just keep breathing steady. We’re almost there.”

Many hours go by and Shawn hears not much else and you and it’s driving him up the wall. He’s finished filling out his paperwork and is discharged with a previously dislocated, now adorned in a sling, shoulder, plenty of bruises, cuts to the face and a prescription to pick up. He’s lucky that he came out with so few injuries but he’s insanely worried about you.

A doctor in scrubs walks into the waiting room where Shawn is nervously sitting, silently begging to hear anything. The man in all blue announces your name and before he could finish it, Shawn is on his feet.

“I’m Shawn. That’s my girlfriend,” he stutters. “Is she okay? Where is she?” His words are frantic and jumbled. 

“She made it through surgery. Multiple bone fractures in her arm caused by impact from the airbag. Minor concussion and some bruising, but otherwise she’s on the road to recovery. You’ll be able to see her after she wakes up when she gets transported to her room to stay in overnight. You’re welcome to wait there until then, and her parents will probably be arriving around midnight.”

Shawn blinks his eyes, trying to retain every bit of information that he has just received. But one thing pops out, that is that you’re okay. He still feels incredibly guilty but he couldn’t be happier that you’re alive.

So he waits in what’s soon to be your room. The fact that you haven’t woken up yet is making him fearful. ‘Wake up! Please wake up,’ he thinks, hopes, prays and practically begs into the empty room. He doesn’t know what he’d do if he left here without you. Hell, he doesn’t really remember the person he was before he met you. You changed everything in his life for the better. For the best, really. He sleeps easier when you’re around. His friends have told him that he’s happier or even glowing when you’re around. Every part of him wants to be with you, and you’re his first priority and he wants to show you that. He definitely failed to do so today. 

His mind wanders to the fight, regretting every second of it. You two could’ve died and the last memory you would’ve had of each other would’ve been you guys fighting. Yes, he’s still upset that you can’t go to Brian’s wedding, but he knows that he waited too long to announce it to you even if he never said it out loud. But the one thing he never was aware of was that you’re afraid of committing, but understandably so. Shawn is constantly gone, and it is a bit early in your relationship. He hates himself for getting so mad at something you can’t control and being an asshole about everything else. If something really bad had happened and his last memory of you two was him starting an argument with you, he would never be able to live with himself. 

His thoughts are cut short when a doctor comes in, the same one from beforehand. Shawn scrubs his hand over his face to find dampness on his cheeks. It never occurred to him that he was crying.

“So Shawn, she’s awake. Still a little out of it, but she should recognize you. We’re going to keep her here overnight to make sure everything is running smoothly before she goes home,” he smiles. Shawn lets out a sigh of relief and mutters a weak thank you. He can’t wait to see you in person again and he’s so thankful that you’re okay.

You’re wheeled into the room, eyes half closed but a dopey smile taking over your lips. One of your arms is in what looks like a cast and your face is all scratched up. Shawn’s heart stammers against his chest at the sight of you. Waves of relief crash into him, but he also feels incredibly guilty about what he’s caused. He hurt you in a way that he never deemed possible.

“See, I told you,” you slur at the nurse, “he’s hot.”

Shawn chuckles and tears fill in his eyes. He isn’t too sure why he’s getting emotional again other than he feels so lucky to see you again.

“Yeah, uh huh. You need to get some sleep, honey,” the nurse tells you. “Let me know if either of you need anything.” She leaves the two of you alone and Shawn is still in shock. He did that to you. 

“Hi, sweetheart,” he mumbles, tears still threatening to fall once again. Wanting to be able to hold your hand, he moves a chair to your good side and plops down next to the bed.

You kind of just look at him blankly. He doesn’t know if you’re recalling the fight or if you’re just not fully aware of where you are yet. Either way, you still accept his hand when he laces his fingers with yours.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers, his voice getting caught in his throat. “So, so sorry.”

“S’okay, Shawn. I’m okay, you’re okay. We’re okay.” You’ve seemed to come to a little bit more and he senses a double meaning within your words. Not just that you two are physically okay, but that your relationship is okay as well. 

A tear or two slip past his eyelid as he nods his head. He brings your hand up to his lips and leaves a few pecks. Some of his fresh tears hit your hand and you look at him utterly confused. 

“Is that blood?”

His brows furrow and he then realizes. You can see the cut on his lip but you can’t see what’s on your hand. A grin spreads across his face because your common sense has been thrown out of the window.

“...no? I’m definitely not crying either,” he jokes. “Just licking your hand.”

“Eww!!” You howl as loud as you can—which isn’t loud at all—with your eyes the widest they’ve been since you’ve come into the room. That’s when he knows that you’re really okay, that you’re both truly okay. 

—

permanent taglist: @yourvoiceislikearose @queen-of-sarcasm-bae @moonlightmendes22 @delicaateshaawn @lover-holland (let me know if you want to be added or removed)