#idk what else to say like PEOPLE DIED!!!
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very often ill see bears following my nsfw account and ill end up looking thru their profiles as i check for ppls ages in bio and theyre 99.9% bear4bear. That one anon lied to me.
#talkys#this is like a half joke/not that deep bc i dont actually care#and like. hm. how do i word dis.#there ARE people that have messaged me very very excessively over how much theyre into al on there#and i would NOT want that directed at me.#and i myself am‚ of course‚ an al enjoyer#and like. this is also not that deep im not saying its actually affecting me on a very personal level#especially since me and skunker are boring little guy things#but seeing everyone going into that account only being there for my guy is just reminding me of#being friends with like the prettiest girl in high school#where like at lunch she'd leave to get something and all the guys tailing her would be like#so whats the name of your hot friend lol :)#LIKE GAH. of course you're here for him but damnnnn cmonnnn#idk how to describe it bc again id also feel strange if ppl were being weird about skunker instead. idk! idk what it is#and i myself wouldnt lust after skunker adjacent beasts etc so i get it but theres Something about it i cant place#I THINK its bc skunker is an expression of identity and self#and skunker and cow al are like. copium. so some part of me feels really alienated by feeling like my audience straight up doesnt want#''me'' there...ykwim...i think thats it. bc ive been asked for more solo als or al with literally anyone else#or al with other big guys bc itd be hotter#and while im open to dis if im paid to draw it it really feels like the simpsons sheep bit LOL
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pushing daisies kaishin au #1
shinichi was killed by aptx 4869 but for some reason kaito was in tropical land as well and passed by where shinichi's dead body was, touched him, and brought him back to life.
kaito is aware he can bring dead things back to life with one touch since he was a kid. he’s also aware that the second touch will kill it again. permanently.
he has most of his resurrection experiences with his doves and flowers
the thought that he could possibly resurrect a human did cross his mind but what's the use when the one person he wanted to bring back didn't even have a body left to touch
so sue him if he accidentally touches a dead body he previously thought was someone just passed out.
there's a noticeable red glow that shines on the stranger that has happened enough to his doves and flowers he revived before to know exactly what he has done.
shinichi wakes up disoriented but completely sure that the searing heat and the pain on his chest earlier should've killed him yet there he was, alive. with a splitting headache and a bad taste in his mouth, yes, but alive.
kaito dumbly opens with, "you're alive...oh FUCK, you were dead!"
shinichi who still can’t see straight says, “which one is it, i can’t tell.”
shinichi sits up and tries to steady himself on the wall but instead weakly flails his hand towards kaito.
"NO! DON’T TOUCH ME!"
“okay...i’m not sure if i’m dead or not but i’m pretty sure i’m not contagious.”
kaito puts on his KID gloves and pulls shinichi up who's still looking dazed and confused.
"listen, i know you're a little disoriented what with all th- shit! your head is bleeding. okay *deep breathes* come with me but do NOT touch me."
"you're the one holding my hand"
"not the UNCLOTHED parts of me"
"I wasn't planning to 😒"
"OH MY GOD 🙄"
i still have 2 other variations of pushing daises kaishin au left ;)
#kaishin#kuroba kaito#kudou shinichi#dcmk#detective conan#dc prattles#im not adding the 'someone else dies when you let someone you revived live for more than a minute' rule because im gods weakest soldier lmao#but that's also a really great factor to think about if you want to go the super very angsty route#anyways this been in the drafts since forever cos i havent finished the other 2 but oh well here you go have this silly au#also also toichi 'died' and there's no body so kaito won't even be able to revive him one last time ;-;#i say 'died' cos i dont really know if this man is really dead or not lmao#ANYWAYS now shinichi needs to disappear#idk how but shinichi ends up staying with kaito and also finding out that he's kid#shinichi describes to kaito that the people who did that to him were 'men in black' and immediately kaito assumes it might be snake and co#im thinking maybe since agasa isn't there to talk some sense into him that shinichi would be like 'im gonna hunt them down as myself!'#and kaito is like BITCH YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU'RE DEALING WITH#kaito gets frustrated and ends up vaguely implying that he knows who tried to kill him#OFC BEFORE ALL THIS SHINICHI QUESTIONS KAITO ABOUT WHAT TF HAPPENED COS HE'S 99.9% SURE HE WAS DEAD lol#again since im gods weakest soldier and pandora is deus ex machina my beloved LOL#a way to revive shinichi properly is through pandora or maybe make kaito lose his power#IDK I JUST WANT THEM TO KISS AND MAKE OUT SO PANDORA DO YOUR IMMORTALITY THING IDC!!!!!!#THAT FUCKING PLASTIC WRAP KISS FROM THE ACTUAL SHOW WONT FLY WITH ME I NEED KAISHIN SUCKING FACE LMAOOO#anyways theres 2 more different pushing daises kaishin au in the draftsssss#they get angstier ayooo!!!
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who up praying for downfalls 🤨
#mine#yandere#yancore#yandere vent#oh my god have i got some things to say. ooohhuuoouugh buddy#its not even my own situation this isnt even related to me. but im being a nice upstanding young man and venting abt it instead of invoking#the curse of ra. wishing someone dies is such a good coping mechanism fr because instead of thinking about it forever i can move on with#my life. and its great! but oouuuh theres something wrong with that huh. and oh my god. this issue is so fucked but i cant explain it in#a heartfelt and meaningful way. so imagine someone is religiously devoted to a guy and their mental anguish stems from jealousy or fear#of abandonment. and they are internally tormented about that forever. and just because they dont fit your definition of whats right#youre all like Hey you know that guy that means everything to them. how about we take him for ourselves solely bc this person#this suffering person whose life depends on him- who acts like that BECAUSE they are suffering- you think they deserved to be punished for#their traumas? their guilt and pain and anguish? you are no better than whatever you think they are.#i dont think this even makes sense cause im vague on purpose. this sounds like a situation from the bible i think#idk i didnt read it. anyways im skipping and frolicking in my cradle of hatred that fills me with warmth and delight#its not required that people are nice or respectful when their lives have been wretched thanks to people like YOU#but i hope their devotion never wavers due to people who hate their happiness. its not like those people matter anyway#if youre meant to be with your Guy and you love him enough then nothing else matters at that point. its all a test#die a martyr for your own romantic ideologies or whatever satou matsuzaka said#this is literally the equivalent of like. a mother cat adopts a kitten that isnt hers bc her own kin are all dead. she protects this kitten#with her entire life. and her whole being. and hisses growls bites at anyone that comes close to it. and some human teens are like#we should take that kitten solely because the mother cat loves it so much that shes willing to get violent for it.#because its not very niceys of her to harass those who want to take away the only thing she has left! oh noes!!#like shut the fuck up dawg. if that cat mauls someone for getting too close to her baby then mind your own goddamn business#clearly they did not grow up italian 💀#clearly they did not grow up with nothing being their own. nothing being sacred. no desire to protect anything#anyways yanderes i love you. you are fr so easy to be around and you should never change for anyone. i mean maybe take some therapist#advice here and there in case your devotion makes you suffer but OTHERWISE!!! dont feel bad about being a hater!!! protect what is yours#and i will respect it so hard i swear to god. its not that difficult to treat your devotion with the kindness it deserves.#if a disrespectful teen tries to steal your kitten then ill help you beat them to death with a shovel idc
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kinda drives me up a wall when people go "hey i think x action in a war/combat scenario is inhumane and cruel and shitty" and someone responds with "oh but within the laws of war it's allowed or there's procedure for it etc etc". it doesn't have to be a war crime to be unforgivable man it's a shitty rulebook anyway
#like whether or not something's bad isn't determined by whether or not it adheres to arbitrary rules people made up and never obey#i thought we all knew that already. c'mon man. get a grip#obviously war crimes are bad but that's not where the badness potential ends y'know#this post is due to my dad talking about smth i sent him mentioning US troops firing on a bunch of guys in smth on deserters and he was lik#well they're not like citizens or refugees or deserters they're retreating enemy combattants. so it's different.#it IS different but isn't it still like. overly brutal? idk.#like would you want them to pursue Your ppl regardless? are they not allowed mercy just because you proved stronger? your positions could#be swapped easily and you'd think that as fellow combattants you would feel that deeply. idk maybe i'm just too soft or whatever but like.#seems stupid to me. war generally seems stupid to me but this specifically right now seems stupid to me#yes i know there are practical concerns and sacrifices in combat that make sense when you're actually there and me saying there should be n#wars and we should make it a fucking priority to not have wars doesn't mean ppl already in a decision-making role in the field should do#what i (an idealist) would do. they're responsible for minimizing loss and shit. whatever. doesn't mean it's not fucked up anyway.#and that's assuming the best case scenario for a leader in such a position. usually they just want to minimize Their side's losses. usually#by maximizing the other side's. or they just want to win and will sacrifice anyone for it if it's practical#which happens a Lot. usually it's a mix of the latter two to my understanding#as if americans' lives matter more than anyone else's and the other side doesn't have a right to mourn bc they offended us somehow#ugh that shit irks me so bad dude. there'll be like a terrorist attack in europe or smth and the news'll be like#ONE AMERICAN WAS KILLED. and twenty swiss. THE AMERICAN WAS VISITING FAMILY THERE ON SUNDAY MORNING WHEN TRAGEDY STRUCK etc etc#fucking hate that. i don't care if they're on 'my team' or whatever they're all equally human and equally dead#why the hell should i care if one of them was an american. just say 21 people died. like i get reporting on it briefly ig to like notify#ppl At Best but like. it's so grating. why can't you be normal about other people fucking goddamn you#why is this a controversial statement. why is giving a shit about people killing each other (often for like 10 ppl's financial gain) wrong#like. come on. i don't care if they 'deserve it' or whatever because i don't think they do. and even if they Did i don't think it's#America's Time To Step Up!!! every time smth like this happens (but only when it is financially beneficial to us to do so#such that we ignore atrocities all the fucking time bc it's inconvenient. we're not superheros. we're cops.)#not saying america shouldn't do anything bc like. idk. you screw everyone over to have all the power maybe you should use that influence fo#good. but my definition of 'good' is wayyyy way different from everybody who's ever held office here apparently so like. nuts to that#eugh. anyway im cutting myself off here rant over. for now
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#gonna get kinda heavy in the tags since im stuck on mobile and cant drop a read more but i need to vent fam squad#god I want to come back but i just don't know how to talk#like i feel like i cant just spring back into conversation like everything is okay and fine#because its not and i dont know how to get over the mental barrier of talking about normal things#it's a really weird feeling and i know im isolating myself but i just dont know what else to do#like i can talk to my family that were there for it. i can talk to people that have been through it#idk i just feel really disconnected#my friends try to talk to me about things and i just cant relate anymore#and they dont get it either. none of my friends have lost their parents and especially havent seen someone die#and they dont know how to talk about it so now its like none of us bother#theres things that happened that i cant say and tbh im pretty haunted#to them its been ages since mum died but to me its only two weeks and still feels like yesterday#i think im pulling away just so i dont have to deal with the hurt of being dropped first#im glad that i have some good close friends that i CAN talk to about things and im so grateful for them#but hoooo boy everything hits different now#tiejfkeie boy am i glad i get to see my therapist tomorrow dkfjskfndk#;; ooc.#death tw#parent death tw#negative tw#;; tbd.
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my thoughts on ddd basically boil down to "great game! kill the story with fire and sticks." which i think is about the coldest take ever. do not get me started on how nobodies having hearts is a dumbfuck plot twist i am so full of rage over that.
#it ruins roxas' entire character i swear#also sidenote soras evidence for nobodies having hearts is. hilarious#his examples are xion; namine; roxas; and axel#xion isnt even a nobody#namine is only considered a nobody on a technicality#roxas is generally an exception to a lot of nobody rules. also him having emotions and that being an abnormality is like. a plot point#and axel generally doesnt have emotions! he only ever has them relating to sora or roxas and he is genuinely shocked the first time he-#-realizes that he can feel something because of them#he literally dies saying '[roxas] made me feel like i had a heart... its funny- you make me feel the same way'#that weird ability they have to make axel feel things is a big part of why he cares so much about roxas and sora#and to say that 'he actually had a heart' is just a bad misinterpreting of what was already there#and if i didnt know any better i would assume there was a different writer for this game#its poorly thought out and directly contradicted on multiple occasions#plus you cant tell me xemnas really tricked all these people into thinking they didnt have hearts. like. at the very least VEXEN would have#also if they always felt things and xemnas gaslighted them into thinking it wasnt real#then why would axel notice anything special about sora and roxas at all. wouldnt he just treat emotions caused by them like everything else#-and talk himself into thinking they werent real? like its just not thought out#also to me it makes xemnas a less interesting villain. i dont mind his big secret plot i think its fine honestly.#but i much prefer the option of xemnas taking advantage of people who were desperate to him gaslighting and lying#its more personal taste but like. idk#also literally do not get me started on how this twist sucks for roxas' character. its just plain bad for him.#he fought tooth and nail and fucking died saying he deserved to exist whether or not he had a heart#and to look at him and go 'dont worry you get one now' is just bad! and i hate it!!#anyways. i fucking despise this games story#kingdom hearts#doodles#sora#roxas#riku#lea
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#idk it's just really frustrating to think that people will ALWAYS make allowances for people they're romantically in love with but#not make those same allowances for someone else they otherwise care about.#that people will risk things for their partners that they wouldn't for their friends#that it's EXPECTED for you to prioritize your spouse/significant other/etc. at all times but prioritizing your friend(s) is rarely even#considered. and when you're like me and you LITERALLY CANNOT DO THIS SHIT BY YOURSELF...#like I know I go on and on about marrying some theoretical woman all the time (and my ongoing...whatever this is. with Musician Guy)#but genuinely I'm not even sure that I want that I think I just want someone who will fucking visit me in the hospital if I get into a car#crash or fix me soup when I'm sick.#like...yeah. in that one story I wrote I think I distilled it down: we all just want someone to hold us when we're sad#and it SUCKS that the only avenue we seem to be allowed to pursue that is through a romantic relationship#right now I have my dad but if something happens to him...I genuinely do not know what I'm going to do. I'll have nowhere to go#if something terrible happens. I'll have no one to help me be a person. and I just. like I really am going to just have to power through#the next 60 years on this fucking planet alone and by god I'll fucking do it but I wish I didn't have to!!!!#and I think this was why the loss of Her™ friendship (which was necessary. for both of us) was so acutely painful. because even after#she got married she WAS willing to prioritize me when things got bad enough. she DID genuinely care about me in a way I don't think#anyone ever has. and I just really don't think I'll ever find that ever again. and I can't go back and I don't WANT to be with her anymore#but it was this time of the year when she told me she was getting married way back when and my brain has kept that like the World's Worst#Anniversary and all of those terrible ugly feelings are coming back in full force and I HATE that I'm still unpacking this I. HATE. that#this not-even-relationship is STILL doing this to me#WHAT THE FUCK!!! IS UP WITH THAT!!!!!!#*sigh* okay for REAL I am logging off right now because I've already said Too Many Embarrassing Personal Things about myself today#and I do not want to put myself in a position to say anymore!#In the Vents#GOD this is so stupid IT'S NOT LIKE SOMEBODY DIED WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS
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hot take but. oda is honestly one of the most interesting prominent side characters in y0 to me. like. don’t get me wrong obviously i don’t condone his actions, but speaking as a character design guy, i think he’s got a whole lot of complexity to think about in his story and identity that people tend to ignore/overlook because he’s not a black and white “good” person. like no shit he’s morally fucked, that doesn’t mean his intense pining and crazed level of dedication to tachibana and the lengths all his guilt and repressed love for the man he saw as the best thing to ever grace his life drove him to aren’t interesting to think about– if anything it makes him more interesting. he was. really something
#people like to joke about wanting problematic queer rep instead of just good upstanding citizens all the time but then you get someone like#oda and suddenly all nuance dissappears and liking him as a character (for being a well-made character I mean) is equated to#condoning sex trafficking. like. no that’s not how that works#though I do think- regardless of him being a shitty dude- he does count as a victim of burying your gays#but that’s less about his death being narratively a bad choice and more that there could’ve been more queer rep amongst prominent characters#to balance it out (who don’t die)#though idk I’m always a little put off by the all too common Gay Chracter Dies For Their Tragic Love Interest trope#because it’s. too common. and depressing. but again I think it could’ve been balanced out if someone else was prominent and#canonically queer (also thinking like. nishitani seemed pretty close to canonically bi but. he. also died. so)#anyway. yeah on the other hand im glad they didn’t sugarcoat or morally sanitize him as a character for the sake of his queerness though#I would’ve really liked to have seen more on tachibana’s side about what he thought of oda and their relationship in general- cause they#knew each other for quite a while and were undeniably close. even lived together and whatnot. and all tachibana really got to say when he#found out oda was probably dead was just. well just that. that he’s probably dead. I feel like he should’ve gotten to be more shook by that#and/or more deeply conflicted and pained by the combination of his potential death for makotos safety and his responsibility for#trafficking her in the first place. that’s. such a deep well of complicated emotions to sort out and they really did absolutely nothing#with it. like. it makes me wanna write something that’s how much is There that was unused. so much with that relationship in general really.#hhhh….. anyway I should shut up now#jun oda#oda#yakuza#yakuza 0#rgg#rgg0#rambling#oh yeah also. hating him is understandable but you have to then apply the same judgement to all characters who have done some real shitty#stuff in their pasts to get by- which is quite a few characters- including lee who’s far more liked and was a literal hitman#(saying that as someone who also likes him as a character quite a bit and Likes that he’s in a moral grey zone) so. yeah.#yakuza 0 spoilers
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i have ✨mixed feelings✨ towards dazai
Like, i like (?) him as a character, but he disgusts me as a person, idk how to explain myself and im so bipolar (j) like i love chuuya with burning passion and dazai is a motherfucker but i ship soukoku why would i ship the character i like with someone like dazai? idk but i do it and i cant stop send help chuuya deserves to be shiped with someone better like aku or sigma but skk have my heart make it stop please i've tried to start shiping dazai with others so i wont ship him with chuuya, i've tried with fyozai but then i see some fyolai shit and like theyre canon bro i cant ship fyodor with someone else, i've tried with kunizai too, it kind of works but not that much i still ship skk more theres SO GOOD skk fanfics and im confused with dazai and idk how i feel about him
(basically a text of my random thoughts that I wanted to write down without effort and thats why theyre incomprehensible)
Anon don't worry I checked for you and there's no cops on Tumblr. Stan Dazai ship soukoku live love laugh ♡
#people asks me stuff#Like “why would i ship the character i like with someone like dazai” idk man my favorite Dazai ship is fyozai.#Sometimes we like to see characters bring the worst out of each other because it's fun. there's hardly any “good” bsd ship on that front#Like what is shipping for you? For me it's ultimately a way to explore a deep connection between characters#to further analyze their personalities– a very good way to see through a character is to observe how they react to different people#especially when facing someone who makes their true nature emerge‚ you know? That's why sskk is so appealing especially on Atsushi's end#(but Akutagawa too‚ damn‚ he died for him!!!).#Shipping is also going “aawwwww” when they do something cute in fanfictions. It's really just a pastime to have fun ahah#you can do whatever as long as you have a good time doing it!!!#When I read this ask I thought it felt like a confession but really there’s nothing wrong about having fun#“i cant ship fyodor with someone else” I mean it in the most genuinely polite way when I say.#I will never be able to understand non multishippers akzbdjsnbdke I've been multishipping characters since I can remember#Maybe you should consider poly Gogol / Dostoyevsky / Dazai hashtag ProblemSolved#NOW ABOUT THE “chuuya deserves to be shiped with someone better like aku”.#YES ABSOLUTELY CHUUAKU SUPREMACY COME SEE THE LIGHT OF BSD SHIPPING
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One thing I've tried to learn is that there are people who will never be as connected to poetry as I am. There are people who won't understand it's just as much a part of me as my heartbeat, my bones, my soul, there are people who won't understand it brought me back from the dead, how it killed me and revived me and brought me out of what I've been through bruised and scarred but alive, there are some people who never had the connection to poetry I did, that I still do, because when the were falling poetry wasn't the branch they managed to grab onto for dear life. I forget this a lot.
#rambles#my rambles#the irony is i get hurt a lot bc of this#i say something poetic or show a poem to the wrong person and theyre just confused or just give an uninterested response#ig its why i keep that part of me to myself now#sometimes im scared ill never find someone as connected to poetry as i am#someone who understands my body is more ink than blood#idk#its a weird thought#it feels like everyone who adores poetry as much as I do died decades or centuries ago#do you ever wish you could back in time? to your favorite poet in particular#and just hug them and tell them you feel what they feel that both of you thought no one else ever would and write poetry with them#just be there#knowing youre not the only person in your time period to think in broken poetry#logically i know theres other people like me who probably feel what i feel and who loves poetry to the extent i do#but theyre always out of reach#how do you tell someone when you were 14 you were in a mental hospital and there was a rotting apple outside your room window#and it was the most poetic thing youve ever seen#how do you tell someone when you were even younger than that you saw a dead crow on the side of the road and it broke your heart so much#that you scribbled a poem (still your favorite one) about its stolen flight into one of your many notebooks#so it could be immortal#how do you explain all that to someone#especially someone who has never grabbed hold of a poem til their knuckles turned white bc it was the only thing keeping you alive#putting this in the tags bc i doubt anyone will read it
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god. i hate socializing and i hate talking to people . why cant i just look at someone i wanna be friends with and go hey ur cool let's be friends now
#i need . Friends. Desperately#but also i hate. HATE talkikign to people because i never have like. naything to talk about. ever#im in a gc with like ~7 other ppl who i was irl friends with at one point#and GOD. i wanna talk to all of them again#one of them reached out to me a while back n she and i talked but i just didnt. know. what to say#i am so used to talking to my gf and my best friend who ive known for several YEARS that when i try to talk to someone new#or someone i havent spoken to in a while im just like . okay. i have to act normal and not weird#i cant keysmash in response to everything they say i actually have to say WORDS. or else theyll be like . huh#and then it gets to a point where im just like ogh i dont know what eo even say anymore but i wanna keep this conversation Going#but then i just dont . say anything. and they dont say anything. and we go silent again for another couple months#recently lso i noticed one of my old old internet friends started being online on discord again#and i wa lsike oh my gOD its THEM!!!!!! i havent talked to them in like. 2 ish years? maybe longer?#but. idk. i didnt reach out to them. bc i was like. what if they dont remember me#thats another thing i feel like i come across old internet friends on here sometimes on tumblr and im just like oh i remember you but#ive switched accounts and changed usernames so many different times that im just like. oh. you probably dont remember me#and even if i told you who i was. that i was so-and-so from 4 years ago. you wouldn't remember me. so oh well!!!!!#so now im just . sitting here <33 i want friends but making them is hard and keeping them is even harder . dies
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Everyone's acting like nothing happened
#i know this is how it always goes when someone dies#but this time i actually care. this time it matters to me that it doesnt matter to everyone else#i dont know. im not mad or anything really#its just so surreal#like nothing matters and maybe it never has#im pretty sure thats not true#but still. i cant help feeling it#i think i know why people believe in afterlifes now. you kinda want to convince yourself of anything#anything just to bargain with your acceptance. to get your mind to tell you youll see them again someday#but i know that i wont. the time i have here is all that i have#and im wasting it and its cruel and i dont know why#i dont know why it hurts to be awake and it hurts to be asleep#it hurts to face reality and it hurts to be disillusioned#im so tired of running from the unfairness of everything as if its not going to follow me around everywhere i go forever#i cant shake that feeling that im going to die one day and no one can stop it and no one can make it matter#i used to look forward to dying. to that eternal rest where I'm never tired or concerned with anything again#but i dont want to leave this world behind#its so cruel and unfair and painful and exhausting. but i want to be here. i want to witness it so desperately and idk why#maybe just for the sake of it. maybe just so i can say that i did#i used to believe in heaven and hell though i was always confused on what the difference is between the two#now i know the truth. it never mattered. its all always been a game to comfort the living#and it didn't comfort me so i discarded those ideas. but now i dont know what will comfort me#maybe nothing will. maybe ill live fearful and in pain for the rest of my life#maybe ill keep waking up tired and falling into restless sleeps until the day my body fails me for the last time#my only comfort is that i dont know#i gotta wait and find out#but boy am i impatient
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#genuine question#what is like. the deal with the terfs that say stuff like 'used to be trans female'#(as in they describe how at one point they were taking hormones or identified different but dont anymore)#bc they always share that but like. what is the point????#is it 'i didnt like it so nobody else should do it'???#bc thats what it feels like????#like. wild bc ive had medication i no longer take bc i had a bad reaction to them#and they made me feel bad#is it bc trans people exist in light that you feel the need to give your opinion????#it also adds to it that they only do this online.#the people ive met that detransition have said that while they didnt like it for whatever reason#they agree that it was a better alternative bc they either wouldve died or they just liked it at the time#im. idk#also another thing but this one i dont need answered is the fact terfs usually HATE sex workers#not just trans ones#but just. they bring up that rhey detransitioned like itll make other people detransition#is that the goal?????
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i have no one to talk to irl about this race right now (everyone in the house has gone to sleep it’s 3am here) so im sorry in advance for dumping this on here but this is a warning for the tag vent(that i will definitely be deleting soon) because i love u all and care about your dash experience so if you don’t want to witness a disjointed minor breakdown look away lmao
#i’m pretty keyed up and#i’m pretty devastated#my only two good things from this race: max and lando absolutely bossing this race#and im v happy about them#but im so upset about carlos#personal opinion incoming#but carlos’ race was as sexy as his quali and the fia and the stewards and whoever the fuck else can eat a brick#my brown eyed boy deserves the world after that race he put his whole pussy into this weekend#like he was having such a good race despite ferrari doing their best to fuck it up there for a second#and the handling of this race by the governing body was such a clusterfuck#im so frustrated that he has come away with nothing#max lando carlos and seb are the drivers that are close to my heart and with seb gone i am holding on hard the the others and i am just#upset about carlos lmao idk what else to say#i just need to vent it#i try and usually succeed in never letting what people say about my boys (especially max lando and carlos) get to me#they are drivers people just love to hate#but i was just so happy with how this race was going for my three faves on the grid#especially carlos cause i have to constantly filter and block the shit that gets thrown at him by the fans of his own team and teammate#and i love charles too he’s the only other driver on the grid right now that comes close to my ride or dies#but i hate the way a chunk of his fans treated seb like seb was a shit teammate and shit driver and they do the same to carlos#and i just don’t see how carlos is any more of a shittier teammate than charles could be considered to be#and i know hypocrisy is kinda the name of the game as a sports fan lmao i am as guilty of it as anyone else at times#u kno the whole it’s okay of my fave does it but not yours#and i do support my boys rights and wrongs and i understand it’s the same for others#i try to approach things with nuance and not hold resentment but sometimes i fail lol#and this is probably getting disorganized and#i guess i am just upset and i want to feel better#the sleep deprivation probably doesn’t help lmao#anyways i am so sorry about this if u r actually reading it and got here so#<3 KISSES and i hope your day/night is going good
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I keep hearing people saying that nobody cared that to break in a glove was cut from the deh movie alongside other way more important songs but they’re wrong. I care. I’ve always cared. Larry my boy what did they do to you
#I guess it’s finally time to come out of the woodwork and admit I enjoy this divisive trash heap musical that almost no one can genuinely-#Be caught liking anymore because it’s toxic or creepy or whatever and not a story of a ton of fucked up people lying to both everyone else-#And themselves#So unfollow me if you’re deeply disappointed by my morals for enjoying deh#I’ve been. To see it. Second row.#Best decision ever because I could see pins on bags and shit. Connor likes Misfits (band) it’s literally canon for the 2019 tour cast#And I’d never have that without being so close#Anyway if you’re still here and not in full attack mode at the name deh. maybe I’ll make more takes idk#because I’m not saying it’s flawless and hell half the ideas that really bring things together are fanon that then get butchered in-#The adaptation to try and please people#Kinda like the bmc Broadway problem where michael acts like an uwu soft boy because of fandom interpretation#I also saw THAT live. I promise I’m not rich 2019 was just a horrible year for me and I compensated by seeing all my favorite shows ig#ANYWAY yeah this is far down but I guess I’ll finally say what my actual issue is#Larry is so important to me man#And they fundamentally butchered his character in the movie by making him a stepdad. Yknow people who commonly have trouble-#Connecting with their step children#No dis to stepparents but that’s like normal. The fact it’s his actual bio dad and these are the parents he’s stuck with is kinda important#And also the way Larry and his grief are handled extremely subtly in the show#Like you will be found is honestly kind of a slow song to me usually BUT when I saw it on stage I broke out weeping#Not because of any other reason but it’s when Larry’s facade finally broke where he stops being put together and breaks down and weeps#In his wife’s arms. And like. Damn did I see me at my cousins funeral also dealing with a similar grief and trying NOT to#For so long to keep the rest of the family together#And that moment of breaking was so fucking real and I just started sobbing#Deh NEEDS to be seen on stage to possibly comprehend it and it’s weirdo story and that’s kinda it’s biggest flaw lmao#The synopsis and the actual intricacies of the emotions in the show are so far off. And the movies a terrible example#So now it’s just a universally hated thing#Anyway#number 1 Larry defender#Until the end of time#also the fact they cut any songs and add their own is deeply insulting when they cut two of the universally best ones. Good for you IS the
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im scared i am losing the ability to work
#my colleagues are frustrated at me#they laugh about me . they think i cant understand what they say in german but i do#the words on the screen get jumbled or erased or they move#i dont know!!!! i cant remember shit!!!! i cant remember anything !!!!!#’use your head. its in a logical pattern’ OKAY!!! but i cant REMEMBER the pattern nor do i GRASP the pattern!!!#im missing all these details and it stacks up#time either warps around me or it stands fucking still#but in a way i cannot describe. like 1000 different conversations/things happen around me & when i glance at the clock its only been 10 min#or nothing ever happens/i hardly do anything and when i glance at the clock its been 2 hours#i feel insanely Abnormal . i feel like im the Odd One . everyone else can function but why cant i????#idk. idk . sometimes i feel like i’ve died & everyone’s not real#in any case i feel as though nothing right now feels real. it just doesnt.#my expiry date is coming up . i dont see myself surviving past the summer#my siblings will visit me and then? i dont know#i really do not know.#im missing words and phrases when i read or write or speak#i only know this happens because my colleagues point it out to me or make me realize it indirectly#im tired of people percieving me as stupid . im tired in general
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