#my friends try to talk to me about things and i just cant relate anymore

[monstriiss]

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[candlebel]

I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.

[isabelguerra]

i dont have an actual name for it but depressed college au is probably one of my favorites. i dont really care for the adults in paranatural and thinking about how the activity club/others might grow up and continue their lives is so much more interesting to me

[minthara]

really long personal answer to an anon i got. trigger warnings in the tags.

First of all i wanna apologise to everyone who follows me for the last few days lmao, but i feel like if i dont post about it im literally gonna kill myself. I need somewhere to write down my thoughts because i feel bad always going to the same 2 friends i still have and complain about the same situation again and again about a dude they dont even know that well.

Thank you so much for ur message really, and sorry if im gonna take it as another excuse to write down all my thoughts, but i think it will really help me.

So the pathetic thing. I didnt ever post about this and in real life i think only like. 3 people knew. But after we broke up i begged him for months to take me back. It really was pathetic. And when he called me pathetic i think he was just very very hurt, because that was the second time i broke up with him (just a few weeks ago). It was in the sense of me begging him for so long just to break up again a few months later. I feel fucking stupid even writing this. I spent about 10k euros trying to get away from him, it fucked up my life so massively that i lost a job i really loved over it.

And now my new job is about 5 minutes away from our old apartment and i think thats a huge reason why i cant get over it. Every day i walk past restaurants, the supermarkets, anything we went to together. I had to buy snacks for work today and just burst into tears in the fucking supermarket because we used to go there together. The people at work are always so appreciative bc i know the area so well but they dont know how much it fucking hurts me and its so stupid like. Should i just avoid that part of town forever??? No fucking get over it bitch like wtf its a fucking supermarket.

And it also hurts because i know i wasnt always perfect and there were many times i was super mean to him. But at a point i couldnt deal with his ADHD anymore and that sounds so shitty but im a super organised person to the point where sometimes i wonder if thers anything ocd related but i dont think so. In my head i swap between i have ocd, i have adhd, i have borderline, i have autism  - i have no idea whats wrong with me, but the way i feel cant be normal. I know this because the way i behave isnt normal, i know i can come across as really strange, i cant judge social situations well and often dont know how to behave. But i constantly criticised him for symptoms of his mental illnesss.

But i never physically hurt him, and that was the last straw for me, why i left. I dont know how u can do that to a person you love.

And im just mourning the life i thought i was going to have so, so, so much. I know on tumblr ppl somehow think youre brainwashed when you want a traditional marriage and kids and stuff, but i really thought that was going to happen in the next 2 / 3 years, thats how i planned my life since i was fucking 21 and i met him. And now im almost 27, and i cant even go on dates because i cannot bear talking to new people because all i want is a clone of him but better.

I know i will look back at this and think “u cried about THAT guy???” in a few years, because thats how its always been in my life lol (except for one relationship, but were still really really best friends). I always think afterwards i will never love someone that much again. But it hits so much harder because it was such a serious relationship lol i really wanted to marry him. Sobs lol.

[charmedreincarnation]

hi maya, how are you? there's something i would like to ask for your advice on, i know you've manifested your mom to not be muslim anymore, right? so basically, i come from a very strict muslim family, but i'm secretly bi or lesbian, i don't know which one i am yet but i know i like girls for sure (i'm a girl). as you probably know, being LGBTQ isn't allowed in islam. because of this i've always struggled with my mental health and i've always hated myself, and after finding out about the law, i've decided i want to revise me and my family ever being muslim. now the thing is, my best friend is also muslim, and because she is muslim too she believes that being gay is horrible and disgusting (from what i've seen her repost on tiktok), she reposts videos saying that gay people should not have rights, and that gay weddings are disgusting, and that it's stupid that pride month exists, and stuff like that. i have never talked to her about it because im too scared to ask her, because i know shes going to say that our religion believes being gay is wrong and gross...seeing the videos she reposts makes me feel really bad but she is my best friend ever and i dont want to stop being her friend, but i really just cant relate to her anymore because i dont believe in islam anymore and i like girls...is it okay for me to manifest her not being muslim either? or is that wrong? i really need advice...

Nope it’s not wrong. You have the power to shape your own reality. You can manifest change in people, situations, and relationships. But just my personal opinion, If you can bring about such change, why not choose to manifest a better friend or a healthier relationship?

This is just my perspective, but if someone disrespects you or treats you poorly, do we need to change them? I understand that friendships and bonds are built over time and letting go can be difficult. However, I believe in not trying to change those who harbor negativity towards me.The same goes for relationships. Instead of altering past lovers or individuals who may have wronged us, why not manifest someone who appreciates and respects us from the beginning?

Regardless , it's your reality. Your assumptions will shape it regardless. But this also ties back to self-concept. You deserve better. You deserve someone who adores and respects you from day one.But you can also choose better for yourself. Manifest relationships that add value and positivity to your life.

[ninas-tearsofrain]

i am actually going insane. pls non-swifties only if you are a swiftie, dont even read this please

this is kind of a long taylor swift rant, so beware💀

i have a friend that is a huge swiftie, like obsessed. i have never liked her music but didnt care enough to hate her, but i have kind of been developing a hatred for her since shes not really as good of a person as swifties like to believe and i feel like some of them are completely delusional and so engrossed in their obsession of her, that they‘re in complete denial. this particular friend of mine doesnt talk about anything other than swift. while i love to hear my friends talk about their latest obsessions that give them at least some kind of serotonin, i cant stand to hear her talk about swift anymore. its not just that though. shes extremely sensitive about the smallest things, even if its not an insult, so when i tell her, after an hour of her talking about some easter eggs, that i didnt want such a detailed description when i asked what she wanted to tell me about swift, she gets extremely offended. i think it wouldnt be such a problem if she at least also listened to me talk about my interests. anytime i try to talk about anything, she doesnt even show an ounce of interest or excitement for me and is just completely zoned out and when i point it out she gets offended again and says that im not sympathetic to her and that she cant do anything about it. i at least try be a bit enthusiastic about her stuff, even if i truly dont give a rats ass about taylor swift, my friend likes it, so i should be excited that it brings her such joy, but she doesnt seem to have the same mindset as me (which i feel like should be the standard in a friendship)

i actually feel like im going to jump out of a window if she continues talking about some dumbass swift related shit. i really cant take it anymore.

and now shes talking about some bullshit church, where they do some kind of services where they talk about swifts relationship with religion???? like what the actual fuck?!?! and when i said that its weird how some people idolize celebrities to a weird extent, she proceeds to defend it as if her life depended on it and tells me i just dont get it. Im not even religious but i still think that taylor swift shouldnt really be an official topic in church?!?!

if any of you feel similarly, you can respond or even send me an anon ask, i just need to know im not alone in this stupid hatred😭

[greatpawtender]

same anon lol. follow up from my previous ask (I started thinking about oz and the original team more):

augh. Thinking about laurent genuinely trying to connect with makoto and failing. Thinking about him watching abbie and cynthia connect with makoto effortlessly, and feeling left out. Thinking about him talking to oz about it, and realising that oz knows nothing about makoto at all. laurent getting angry, because even he knows makoto better, and suddenly feels responsible for him. imagining laurent blaming oz, blaming shi-won because they "made" him this way, even though by now he's responsible for his own actions. I'm imagining shi-won specifically calling him out on this, because she's been there the longest. how even though he suffered, at some point he has to accept that his decisions were his own. and that arguably, makoto was put through far, far worse things than he was.

laurent empathising with makoto more and more and starting to feel kind of angry on his behalf, but realising that by now there's very little he can do... he can resent the remaining members of the original team confidence all he wants, but they've been so good to him. they're old friends but they're also walking wounds. he can blame shi-won for teaching dorothy, for bringing him to dorothy. he can blame oz for giving him makoto to work with. he can blame them, but it's not going to change anything. shi-won at least stuck by his side, so she's easier to forgive. oz is harder to forgive, even if he gave up everything for dorothy, for laurent. laurent is splitting hairs here, because he still blames them less than he blames himself.

I think once laurent has this realisation, he doesn't really know what to do with himself. he still does cons and stuff because he probably feels like anything else would be boring, but I think he now kind of wants to shoot oz (not shi-won, because like I said, her sticking directly by his side all those years makes it easier for him to "forgive" her). he gives himself reasons to hurt oz in these cons because he doesn't know when to quit a bad habit when he's spiralling. oz notices, but he doesn’t say anything. he does whatever laurent asks of him, because he's right. I don't think oz feels bad for laurent, however (I think he just feels bad for makoto at this point, because he's already processed most of his grief and self-loathing regarding miki).

I think oz is the type of person to mask his loneliness. he probably cares about laurent the same way two people in a jail cell care about each other. he does whatever laurent asks of him almost like a peace offering, because he's used to just playing whatever role people ask of him without question. he probably doesn't know who he is anymore, and he probably doesn't care. he'll just follow whatever laurent says because the memories he made with team confidence stick to him like old wallpaper, and he can't bring himself to peel them off. he traded one life for another, and he lost both of them.

unlike them, I imagine shi-won already made peace with her demons long ago. there's a reason she told kudo to just let his daughter go. there's a reason why she didn't get an arc to herself. I don't think she feels bad that they're going through this, but she probably tries to distract them once in a while because the one-sided tension between them is annoying to deal with.

sorry I'm a little skdjsjajfj about them

as it is, it feels to me that oz just goes along with what others want most of the time. he isn't too different from makoto in that regard orz

op how does it feel like to be the sexiest person on earth

god god god I LOVEE your thoughts about laurent theyre so incredibly great I've never seen more correct hcs than yours

laurent and oz bonding over fucking up makotos life augohfj its sad but. But. sigh

laurent empathizing with makoto and somehow relating to him now bc he realizes he kinda been through the same shit as him. but like. makoto dealt with way worse so he cant really say anything so he lashes out at the og team instead orz 😭

oz doing everything laurent asks kf him the same way makoto does too now . im going insanw now.

thanks op sorry i dont have anything to say bht please know that i fucking love all ur thoughts about this thank you so much you have opened my eyes

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for trapping my now friends boyfriend in a snowglobe?

Some background information- i (54, m) was working for my now girlfriend T (22 f*) for a while before we got together. I was basically a hired goon. She has some serious trauma related to her ex husband (now very dead. He cant hurt her anymore) and gets flashbacks sometimes because of it. This event happened before we got together.

Anyway i got back from a contest i was forced into for about a week and when i got back to the apartment, she was terrified and having a trauma moment. She had found soem stuff online related to our now mutual friend - then acquaintance - S (27, m) and his boyfriend N (late 50s early 60s- i dont know, hes a little older than me, m) and it scared the shit out of her. Very obviously giving her flashbacks to the ex. She asked me to make sure N was put somewhere he couldn't do anything. At the time, N was turned into a cat about the size of a littlest pet shop, but could still talk.

Now, I've got a bit of beef with N. In the contest i was in, he and i were forced to team up. During that time, he was absolutely insufferable. He kept calling me rafter hooligan and did not even once get my name right. On purpose. Long story short, N annoys the absolute fuck out of me.

When i was going to go pull N out of the dollhouse he'd been locked in, i noticed something on the shelf and it gave me the idea to put him in this empty snowglobe i have. I can manipulate space, so it was no problem.

Anyway whenever i was bored or stressed or whatever i would shake the snowglobe (as one does) or just throw it around. One time i held it over S while he was sleeping just to torment N. Y'know, because he couldn't do anything about it. And I'm petty. Whenever she was having a trauma moment, T would ask me to shake it for her so she could see. Like a comfort thing. So I wasn't just doing this for me.

Granted the other torment stuff was for me, but still.

Later on, S started living in the apartment across the hall from me and T. He and T were friends, but he and i were not. S had something weird going on with his will, so he had to obey any command given to him. I came into the apartment one day, and found S going through all of my stuff and trying to find the snowglobe. I pulled it out of my pocket and told him not to break it. When he listened, I made him explain the will thing to me, and then to test it, i made him kneel. (I know I'm ta for that one- it was fucked up and I'm not doing it again.)

It wasn't until way later, when i had to, that i finally let N out of the snowglobe. T wants him to stay out, but I do use it as a threat (empty, but still. T says she wants him to stay out, so he stays out. I don't work for her anymore, but old habits die hard) . N and T are friends now, but he and I still hate each other. S and I are friends, though. We put the past behind us and started over.

It isn't brought up much anymore, but I still think about it a lot. I don't interact with N if i can help it. So AITA for trapping N in a snowglobe for a few months?

[s0lar-ch3ri]

hey new draft making

i keep putting this off, but it today arrives! a ramble about ryan selucreh to fill tghe tag for once

(spoilers for mythborne ahead BUT ITS BEEN OUT FOR A WHILE FOR FREE NO PATREON REQUIRED PLEASDE CHECK IT OUT I NEED MORE MYTHBORNE FRIENDS IN MY JRWI MUTUAL CIRCLE)

so who even is ryan selucreh? well, hes a football jock and a big oaf, the stereotypical strong dumb athlete kid. however, theres more to ryan that we're diving into, years after the oneshot ended!

one thing to note on ryan is how his powers were gotten in a mix of ways aster and connor did. aster was born with them (assumed cause goddess mother), connor got them from a book (recieved from searching, wasnt born with it), ryan got his powers from squats. silly, sure, but like i said, its like the inbetween of the two. he has the power himself and doesnt need a book for them or anything, but he wasnt born with them either. i also wanna note how asters powers are like life (plants and the sun, both can symbolize life) and connors powers are like death (decay and disintegrating, both are related back to death), but ryans powers cant be "like" anything. its not something super showy, hes just super strong (strong enough to rip a mountainin half im pretty sure was confirmed).

lwts get into those comments ryan made, and how its reflected across the 3 episodes. yeah, the comments on faking his personality around people and how he doesnt know who he is anymore.

first showing of this is with the j crew. charlie gave a good idea (he was nicknamed jyan), but condi says he told them that. granted, it was probably to be funny, but theres other options to that. ryan missaid his name out of nervousness, the j crew misheard him, he wrote his name really wrong, so many different options that also are pretty comedic. yet, ryan told them he was jyan to join their team.

on the floatball jersey he wears, they didnt even have a 10 for him, simply a jersey with a 1 and a "poorly painted 0". did someone else use the 10? why didnt they have one? another way ryan changed for people symbolically, wearing one number but being another.

ryan joins in with the omnious curse speech despite it not being planned. an attempt to keep fitting in with his group there.

hell, ryan even was an ass to connor before when he was with the j crew, yet wasnt when he was with connor and aster alone.

he even goes out of his way to try and save asters dad, an act of carrying for her and her father. hes such a friendly and caring dude that hes trying to fit in with them all to keep up their friendships.

thats what makes the whole "i dont have a real personality" line mean so much. because he really doesnt. all that can be seen as his personality is simply to appeal to another person.

HELL IM FUCKING CONNECTING IN THE FACT THAR RYAN WAS A HISTORY MAJOR TO THIS! WHO EXPECTS THE JOCK TO LIKE HISTORY? NOT ME, I THOUGHT THAT WAS CONNOR, AND THATS WHY ITS SO INTERESTING, CAUSS NOTHING LEADS YOU TO BELIEVE RYANS INTERESTED IN THAT SHIT!!! ryan barely talks about his past or anything, minus the memory (but that was only to save professor aeliana), BUT HE DIDNT FUCKING BRING IT UP. kinda ironic, the character whos past is pretty unknown is in classes learning about our past.

oh yeah did i ever mention his parents are dead? cause they are (confirmed by condi a while back)

maybe thats why he tries to be so appealing to everyone, to make up for that missing link. i mean, its not like that event wouldnt have some impact on you (also no jrwi pc has gone to therapy from what i know so safe to assume he has no coping skills PLUS ITS A CONDI PC YPU THINK HES MENTALLY STABLE??).

another thing i learned: ryans last name is a backwards hercules. fun call back to the name, yeah, but the actual story may have some weight here...

the screenshot doesnt give the full story, of course, so i will. the picture leaves out how the reason he went through hardships was because he was driven to madness. according to research, hera was mad at hercules being born (for he was the product of zeus and a mortal woman), so she made him go crazy and slaughter his family. to make up for it, he was given 12 impossible tasks to do.

am i saying the full story applys? hell fucking no! i dont think ryan killed his parents or anything, but i think the jist can apply. a man trying to be forgiven by people for wrongdoings that wouldnt have happened if said people didnt make those wrongdoings happen. ryan trying to get the validation of his friends and acquaintances by pretending to be someone hes not, which wouldnt be needed if he could see friends accept people as themselves. given impossible missions (be someone else) to appease those who he looks to (whether its to the side or up to).

another thing to note is theres no episode cover with only ryan on it. cover 1 has all 3, cover 2 has background faceless frat members and connor, and cover 3 has only aster.

it could be from how there was only 3 episodes of mythborne, yet this could be solved by having all 3 in a cover at once. while it would have been a lot, they had all 3 in the first and a total of 4 characyers in thr second cover. this of course was a purposeful choice, and it shows in a way who the focus is meant to be on in that ep (all of them, connor, aster).

so why coupdnt ryan have been focused on in episode 1? yeah he was directly related to the chaos (j crew being first vicitms and shit), yet that clearly had a more general showing. its because ryan isnt a character who can be focused on. he crutches to his friends like a team relys to eachother, thats how he has purpose, thats how hes even a person.

i woulsnt even doubt the stupid bit being an act! to play in a sport, you actually do need good grades (in my school experience, above a C+ in all classes), and ryans been on this team since he started college (infered from dialoge with j crew member), probably since kindergarten even (has known j cre since kindergarten). he learnt it from them, and found it to be a possibly appealing trait of himself to others, everyone likes the lovable idiot! sure, what he does to play an act can be extreme, but if this is really thr coping mechanism i think it is, its not too much for him (also wanna note how of all characters ryan is the biggest stereotype caharacyer).

the 3rd episode btw seemed a lot from the cover and namr and all like the whole world was a fake (for me atleast), and isnt it fitting that ryan was the first to fall off the stage? the man, who had an identity crisis outloud for once after it seemed like one friendgroupd was about to learn his secrets, the first to exit stage down (stage direction jokes). hes been playong a play himself for what feels like his whole life by now, he doesnt need a script.

i came in here to talk about ryan, put him under a microscope, see who he is. really, ryans a shell of a person, a muscle soulless being pretending to be a person someone can love and care about. maybe he too thinks about how connor had changed inside to save him. whatever it is, i think ive not learnt from this who ryan selucreh is, and maybe if he gets aomething like this, he can learn himself who ryan selucreh is.

[mx-misty-eyed]

i saw spiderverse yesterday and oh my god. (movie review/spoilers below)

First of all, trans gwen stacy, im literally going insane, gwen stacy is trans. Anyway it was the best spiderman movie I've ever seen, easily, best animated movie too. Across the spiderverse was so good I'm genuinely considering if it was the best movie I've ever seen. The cameos were so fucking awesome i was shaking my friend next to me and pointing at the scream like every two minutes, donald glover, spectacular spiderman, insomniac spiderman, scenes from andrew and tobey's movies. Gwen's back story and home life, her struggle with her dad and the way its so easily comparable to coming out to your parents, for both her and Miles. She told her dad she was spiderwoman and he couldnt accept that, their relationship from that point is incredibly difficult in which they cant really even look at each other, him getting upset because to him, she isnt his daughter anymore, eventually all of this ending in the heartbreaking talk at the end where they finally try to see each others points of views and get to say what they want and finally hugging as the world around them is painted in trans colors (little tangent here but oh my god the way gwens entire universe looks like paint or a painting is so fucking beautiful and the way it started running and she was yelling and crying at her dad, so fucking amazing)

And Miles hiding his identity from his parents, scared that they'll hate him or be mad at him lying about it for so long, and when he finally gets up the guts to tell his family (albeit the wrong family) the dialouge is so similar to trans people coming out. Him saying he has something to tell them and he doesnt want it to change the way they see him or anything and how he doesnt want them to be mad or love him any less. Me and my friend related way too much to that scene.

Miguel my husband and his backstory were heartbreaking too, not having a family, finding a universe where he does have one and trying to live there. Hobie Brown just being the coolest fucking guy ever from his accent to his genuinely accurate portrayal of punks and how they use it to be serious and have him realize the spider team aren't the good guys or play it up for jokes. THE INSANE FUCKING PLOT TWISTS OF, THE SPOT BEING THE GUY MILES HIT WITH A FUCKING BAGEL IN THE FIRST MOVIE, MILES BEING IN THE WRONG UNIVERSE WHEN HE GOES HOME BECAUSE HE WAS BIT BY THE SPIDER FROM THAT UNIVERSE AND SHOULDNT ACTUALLY EXIST AS SPIDERMAN, AND OTHER UNIVERSE HIM BEING THE FUCKING PROWLER. The entire theater was freaking out it was awesome. I dont think i even need to talk about the animation. The blend of different styles was awesome as usual, but they actually experimented more with this one and it paid off so well. The vulture in the beginning was so beautiful, me and my friend were freaking out every time he was on screen, and Hobie fucking brown. Hobie Brown was the most beautiful animation I've ever seen, the way he moved, the way he changed colors, they way he interacted with objects and people and the world around him, they experimented with him and it paid off so well and I hope in they next one they'll continue to do things like that. I literally never review movies but everything about this one was so awesome that i needed to talk about it

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

vent post, .. putting it under readmore cus its long.

sooo yeah, basically, idk waht to do with my life, and i feel like a burden in the sense that i cant provide for myself rn. i never talk about my living situation but i am almost 29 yrs old, unemployed and having to be supported by my friends cus my family is too poor to help me in any way. like i have to live with my friend’s parents which somehow feels even more pathetic than living w my own parents.. i mean ofc i am very grateful to them for helping me but the guilt racks up more n more each day. when i was 14 my mom told me, ok you’re old enough to work now so you have to get a job if you want literally anything for yourself that isn’t the bare essentials. u want anything other than canned soup for dinner? thats on u. so i got a job, at 14!!! i think back now and im like what the fuck. i was a child... but alas. i worked and worked, i was almost never unemployed my whole life after age 14, except for during 2020 pandemic, and these past few months.

work, work, work, i worked so many piece of shit jobs, i never went to school or anything, there were a few good jobs here n there but they’d always end up getting sabotaged by one of my bipolar episodes. a lot of times, when i was rly desperate, i wld resort to escorting, which i just fucking hated and have been put in a lot of compromising situations and ugh. yeah, what im GETTING at is, ive literally never had security in my life, ive never had resources, the past 15 or so years have been lived in survival mode, and 6 months ago i finally fucking crashed and burned. like, no, i fucking refuse to work anymore, im suicidal all the time, ive never been able to heal from anything that’s happend to me, i dont care if i die broke and alone, i just cant work these demeaning ass jobs anymore. im very grateful to my friedns who have been helping me not die since then, i try rly hard to live frugally, i only eat what i rly need, rarely treat myslef, etc etc.

but now its like, where do i go from here? i know i need to start thinking about generating income again and it makes me so fucking sick. all i can rly do is commissions, but i hate putting a price on art, its only fun to me when im doing it for free. i dont want it to stop being fun. i dont want it to be about money. im scared to try i guess. i definitely dont want to work another stupid job but i also just sit in the house all day and it feels unhealthy. i dont want to meet people, i dont want coworkers, hate putting myself out there cus i cant relate to anyone. hate watching them in real time slowly realize that theres something seriously wrong with me, its embarrassing. i just need something to do.. i dont have a car or anything, i dont even know how to drive because i always figured id be too poor to afford a car. and so far ive been correct about that.

i guess this post is pretty embarrassing too but oh well.. i figure at least on here some ppl can relate.. like fuck i cant even get a therapist to respond to me. everyone just keeps begging me to get therapy as if it will save me. im really lonely w all my feelings and memories. i feel like im in purgatory and all i can do is keep drawing pictures for ppl to enjoy and trying to post things that are uplifting so i can at least make someone elses day a little brighter. but i wish i had a plan or an answer or a real goal. i reallty really really want to be nothing.

[our-aplatonic-experience]

alright so i've only just RECENTLY decided that i am or might be apl, i dont know if im on a specific spectrum but i've been comfy calling myself aplatonic. i havent came out or anything, cuz how would i do that exactly? how do i tell one of my best friendrs whom ive known and i guess "loved" since childhood that i dont feel strong platonic attraction anymore (or maybe i never did???). i used to say things i love you, like a lot. towards friends or people i have relatively close bonds with. and now im uncomfortable using the word, after i found out that i guess im also a loveless aro? its weird that suddenly things i was okay with doing or saying suddenly just became whatever or uncomfy, though i grew up with people obsessed with trying to get me to "conform" so just now recently i started realizing things i liked are things i think are weird and actually hate idk. since there arent many aspec folks out there so i resort to the community on tumblr ^ ^. and its nice! ive learned a lot about aspec things and the struggles we face. and i slowly started really relating to those who identified as loveless and aplatonic. i have only two friends now. and i feel like our relationship nowadays is complicated. one of the ive only talked and met online, and the childhood bestie moved away. i dont get an opportunity to hang out with either them or anything so even if i were to be ""normal"" and wanted to do stuff for like i guess valentines day (since aros loooove talking about how you can replace romantic love with platonic love or whatever) i cant even do that!! i get very lonely and depressed about it, and i do recall me really wanting friends but also realizing that i probably only really liked the idea of friends because actually trying to talk to these people just gave me nothing and i end up hating it. theres this girl at school who keeps saying hi to me and i dont... know her like, at all so i hate saying hi back but if i didnt say hi i'd be an asshole obviously. i struggle mentally and i think i might have avpd too but im not jumping quickly to that conclusion yet, so i feel bad abt calling myself apl cuz its "stereotypical" idk. im just rambling lmfao sorry ;-; (I PROBABLY SOUND SO ANNOYING LOOL)

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[heziiiiiii]

“The strongest”

Synopsis - uh gojo kinda weird and so is reader 😭 gojo plays with readers feelings and is a manipulator but reader like cant let him go

Warnings: toxic relationship, manipulation, gojo kinda weird like I said, not proofread, written at like 3 AM idrk let me know if anything’s missing

A/n (guys PLEASE don’t take this seriously cus I definitely didn’t 😭😭this was a random ass think I just put together this was just for my friends so we can all test our writing skills but if y’all like this (idk how 😭) I’ll fs make a part 2)

The screen of your phone flashed on as your Lock Screen illuminated your face a picture of you and Satoru. Your eyes went up to the time it was 11:03 pm. Sighing, you put your phone back on your nightstand, thinking that he’s just busy being “The Strongest“ but deep inside you, you knew that wasn’t the case at all.

You knew he was out trying his “strongest” to be away from you. You knew about the other women he out was seeing. You knew he was getting tired of you and he wasn’t that good at hiding it. When he would come home he would greet you bluntly, give you a small peck on ur cheek and leave you there to go get ready to leave again and go out god knows where. Not caring to ask about your day or even a small conversation at least. Satoru’s excuse for leaving was always just a quick “Sorry, got to go something important came up it’s “work” related.” Or “I’m just gonna go out with friends. I’ll call you when I get there. He never called you.

You weren’t stupid nor, were you born yesterday he was dressed up fancy and all, like the way he used to dress when you used to go on dates at fancy restaurants. Maybe you were stupid, stupid for being so blinded by your love for Satoru. Stupid for staying with him and believing his lies. You knew he was falling out of love with you, if he hadn’t already, but you couldn’t let him go even if you tried you held on to the memories of when he used to be so in love with you.

The times where it was just you and him and he would tell you each and every thing he loved about you. When he would tell you how beautiful your insecurities were, and would kiss each one of them. A small part of you still believed he loved you or at least wanted to. You were caught up in your thoughts you jumped when the door opened you didn’t even bother to get out of bed.

About ten minutes later Satoru satoru entered your shared room. You thought about it, you were gonna tell him about how you felt, how you didn’t feel loved anymore, how you were thinking about leaving him. “Satoru.. can we talk please?” You looked up at him with sad eyes, you got up to sit on the edge of your bed. “Hm?”

He asked nonchalantly, not even turning around to look at you as he looked in the mirror. “I don’t feel like you love me anymore. I know you have been cheating on me. I know you have been lying about where you have been going. Why Satoru!? I have done nothing but loved you, is it something that I did? Is it something you don’t like about me..?”

His turned around his eyes were wide “[name]….. what..? What are you even talking about? I-I do love you? I promise baby, I promise I haven’t been cheating on you” this was the first time in a while he told you he loved you. You cursed yourself for folding, for giving in to him. “R-really do you..? Then explain everything, explain the women that you talk to on the phone when I’m sleeping. Explain the not spending any time with me anymore. Explain everything!”

You asked for answers, pleading for them. “What are you even talking about! Do you know how hard being “The strongest” is? The whole world relies on me to save it! I have a duty to do things that regular people like you dont- never will understand. Don’t question or worry about anything I do, kay?” You sat in silence looking down at your floor like a kid who just got lectured by their parents for behaving real bad.

“Being “the strongest” has a lot of responsibilities to it. Maybe there are things that he has to do that I don’t understand. What if im being selfish and only thinking about myself and not thinking from his perspective..”You thought to yourself, hundreds of questions raced through your head. It sure was funny how he was able to manipulate the whole situation and change your way of thinking with only a few sentences.

You sighed “im sorry. I should of just minded my business.. I was close-minded and didn’t even consider what you go through to protect me- protect the world please forgive me..”

He looked at you with a blank stare “Sorry I don’t want to deal with this right now I’m going to go on a walk” he changed his clothes quickly, packed some stuff, and left. He probably made a quick call to some mistress to spend the night there. You were tired, your head was pounding, confused.

Hundreds of thoughts ran through your head as you fell asleep. You swore to yourself by time he would be home, you would leave the house, leave this relationship, leave everything.

[kirasenju]

Nidaime-sama (Tobirama Senju x Fem! Anbu Reader)

Chapter III: Solo Mission

“Just get the scroll and come unnoticed, okay? Don't bother to take care of everyone there, that would be too risky. Even though they are runaway shinobi, but they are not weak. We dont know how much strong they can be. Just do as i say.”

“Yes, Hokage-sama…”

“Good. Go now.”

~

You are walking in the forest, among the trees. As soon as you see the cave, you stop and observe the surroundings. This must be the enemy's secret headquarters. They somehow stole the scroll with a forbidden jutsu, luckily it has a hard-to-break seal on it.

“I hope they didn’t manage to break the seal…” You talked to yourself, you went closer. You kill the two guards at the cave entrance silently and go inside.

After handling few guards too, you managed to take the scroll. When you were leaving, you heard a child’s voice. They are keeping him here by force for their cruel experiments. You remember Tobirama told you to leave after taking the scroll, but you cant help. How will he know anyway?

You went there and took the child away. The runaway shinobis running towards you, attacking you. You fight with one of them that tries to attack you, giving you a cut on your cheek with his kunai. You got rid of him, and the others. You are wounded but not risky for your life. You took your Anbu mask from the ground, using henge no jutsu to hide the cuts on your arms, cheek and thigh. Then you walk towards the kid, he is crying.

“Hey… you are safe now. Can you tell me where is your home? Where is your family?”

You took the kid home (luckily it wasn’t far away), his grandfather was grateful and happy, he invited you in but you thanked and said you need to leave. He was understanding and gave you some dango to eat on the way.

~ You kneel for the mission report, Tobirama looks at you sternly while sitting on his chair.

“Report.”

“I got the scroll, here.” You gave it to him.

“Good. You didn’t get into a fight, right?”

“No…”

“Then why are you using henge no jutsu on yourself right now?”

“Uhm…”

“Show yourself, Y/n!”

You sigh, removing the jutsu with a seal and let the hokage see your body in cuts. He stands up and walks towards you, making you feel small with his big body in front of you. You dont look at his eyes, knowing that he has a mad face.

“You disobeyed me…”

“T-there was a child, i couldn’t-“

“Enough!”

“…”

“There was only one thing, one single thing i ordered you!!”

“They weren’t so strong, i handled them! And i didn’t even get injured badly! Why are you so mad?!” You frown. “There was a child they were using in their experiments! I couldn’t bear with it, okay?!”

“You wont go another mission, you are out of Anbu from now on.”

You look at him with shock. “Why?!”

“You are too reckless, are you trying to get yourself killed?! After always returning from the dead in your previous missions, this was the last straw!”

“You are kicking me out of fhe Anbu, because it’s dangerous?! I am a shinobi! And all missions are dangerous, we protect the village with our lives! It’s normal to be injured, you know that better than anyone else as the Hokage! Then why?!”

“You will keep working only as my assistant, but no missions anymore! That’s it! Now go to the hospital!”

~

It has been one week since you both had a fight. Since then you both haven't spoken properly, keeping even work-related things short and concise. You were thinking about him, then you understood that he actually had no one left… you two are considered friends and have grown closer to each other over time. You've seen that tough guy smile lightly a few times. You saw how proud he was of his students and how much he loved them. Born in wartime, raised by an abusive father, he began fighting at an early age. He saw his brothers and countless comrades get killed. Finally, while living in peace, he lost the last of his family. As you got to know this man, you realized how much he valued his people and the village that his late brother's dream. You admired him, even if sometimes he was such an asshole to you… you wanted to tell him you will always be there. But does he really care about you? Or he is just seeing you as a reckless but strong ninja that cant be risked in dangerous missions?

…

In his office, you brought the documents he wanted and you put them on his desk. When you were going to leave, he spoke:

“Did you eat your lunch today?”

Actually, you are not eating properly recently. You were always skipping breakfast, but then you started skipping lunch too. You only ate dinner. He cant be noticed this, right? “Yes, Hokage-sama.” You lie.

“Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”

“Notice what?”

“Don’t play dumb with me!”

“…”

“Tell me, what is going on with you?!”

“It’s nothing…”

“Oh yeah? Did you think i cant see that you lost weight? Why don’t you eat properly?”

“I just… dont feel hungry.”

The door knocked, a maid came in with lunch and put it on to your desk, leaving after greeting the Hokage formally.

“I didn’t ask for a lunch.”

“Eat. Now.”

You walk your desk and sit on your chair. There is a bowl of miso soup, rice and chicken. And some dangos. But you were sure that dessert was not served in the Fire Estate since Tobirama doesn’t like desserts. (A/n: Fire Estate is the official residence and workplace of the Hokage, located near of the academy. So it’s the building his office is located.)

Tobirama notices your eyes on the dangos, he knows they are your favorite. You didn’t think he would remember.

“I can see you want these…” He walks there, taking the plate of the dangos. “But i will keep them until you finish your food. Now eat.”

You look at him amzed. “Really?? This is how it’s going to be?”

“Hmhm.”

“It's like I'm a kid and you're the parent telling me to finish my meal so I can get dessert?!”

“Yeah, you can think it like that. Desserts are not meal, you can get your dangos if you finish your plate.”

You pouted. But you want the dangos so bad. So you started eating.

“Good girl.”

“Hmph…”

-The end of the chapter

[ssreeder]

sreedie. it is time.

NO SOKKA baby people want to be your friend you just DONT LET THEM

pls sokka thinking he can gaslight himself out of being in pain is so in character but so. goddamn Frustrating

sokka is giving anna from frozen with his whole “my firebender’s awake so IM awake” deal

listen I get why sokka is like oh I should cut back on the swearing if I wanna Grow as a person but like,,, as an australian the concept of swearing being Bad is just so foreign to me lmao

I think it’s a really interesting component of the zukka relationship (highlighted by your traumatic drowning scene thx sreedie) that sokka’s instinct is to try to hide in/behind zuko??? like he’s obviously very protective of zuko too, but I think that in a way, even when sokka is on the offensive and is the person defensive zuko from the outside world he’s still using zuko as like, idfk a shield?? of sorts??? to deflect away his fear for himself and all that jazz… does that make any sense whatsoever????? idfk lads

STOP ik it’s a super serious moment but all I could think about when sokka was like “he had to do it for zuko” wAS THE FUCKING let me do it for you tiktok sound T-T

not aang talking like an actual certified therapist at 12 years of age omfg- wish I was that emotionally well adjusted fr

damn sokka really said #codependecy

FUCK PLEASE TELL SOKKA ABOUT YHE FUCKINF VEINS PLEASE SREEDIE IM STRESSED AS ALL HELL

F U C K

Y E S

finally ohmygod

katara: I can feel the toxins in zuko’s blood

iroh externally: oh?

iroh internally: whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck

LMFAO zuko calling sokkatara momo while his body is actively trying to kill itself as a JOKE is the most zuko thing ever. the most comedic thing about this boy is his absolutely Disastrous timing (by which I mean it’s impeccable)

PRISON PALS I still love that moniker <3

noooo not zuko worrying about shen when we know damn well shen got kebabed >:(

can katara please tell sokka that zuko wants him by his side. like girl. please.

okay I really do Not want this to happen, nor do I think it actually Will happen bc uhm duh, but it would be like,, so ironic of zuko did just die. like they went through all that and for what LMAO (it’s not funny it’s Not Funny why am I giggling to myself)

FINALLY A MENTION IF THE MIRACULOUS TEETH KEEPING OF ZUKKA NATION

lmao sokka is worrying himself into a early grave bc he cares so much about zuko but he’s also 100% ready to immediately assume that zuko let him down by outing sokka as a liar (I mean he’s right, but still. harsh)

woah woah woah sokka calm your tits man, rasu might be sex on legs but your sister is only 14 and that’s just gross

SEE rasu my reasonable child <3 (he’s also so snarky I actually love him so. much.)

insane how fast sokka switches from “rasu >:(“ to “rasu :D” when he learns that rasu knows zuko lol

YOU CANT TAKE THE NERD OUT OF SOKKA BABYYY (same.)

“sipping the sauce” LMAO

uh yeah rasu I think jee has every right to be worried ngl

sokka is just out here exposing himself bc he’s JEALOUS I cannot anymore with this boy

“prince zuko is a character without trying to be one” yKW I JUST REALISED?? ZUKO HAS MAJOR MR BEAN ENERGY just more homocidal and uh,, traumatised

god thinking about jet’s amputation has me squeamish as FUCK

sokka rearranging his book stack so the sex book is in the middle is so relatable agsjekfpf it’s giving the same energy as getting a massage and hiding your underwear between the rest of your clothes after you get changed into the robe thing

not sokka being endeared by zuko’s love for the art of thievery <3 mood

SHIT FUCK QUON

DICKHEAD

OMG WAIT IS HE GONNA RECOGNISE SOKKA AS RHE BITXH THAT ZUKO KISSED PRIOR TO KIDNAPPING

damn. after all that and sokka just exposed himself. cant even blame it on zuko this time buddy.

you can always count on little sisters to put you back in your place (as the little sister can confirm)

woag.

not the angst train going past us like choo choo motherfuckers.

I am not going to bag katara in any way, shape, or form for pretending to be sokka to get information out of zuko bc I would’ve so done the same thing with like,, zero hesitation. maybe I’m just a lying liar who lies though so idk

anyways: screaming, crying, destroying your living room and smashing all your lightbulbs.

I’m so mad that there’s no zukka reunion BUT !! you did give us a library which I was SUPER not expecting but enthralled by nonetheless so ig I’ll have to forgive you

ANYWAYS hope life has retired from kicking you around bc that’s my job and I’m the only one allowed to make you suffer >:(

also I just reread my last comment and realised I already said I’d smash all your lightbulbs so ig this is just a trend now. have fun living in medieval times forever ex-lover <3

Oh shit that’s so true, Sokka is very Anna and Zuko is very Elsa haha. (Odd how that happened lol)

Soooo I do think Sokka depends on Zuko WAY too much, emotionally physically mentally - but if that’s all he has to keep him waking up in the morning who am I to stop him. (But building up his own physical strength, dealing with his own issues instead of just focusing on zukos trauma, and allowing other people in his life to get close to him and then help him would be GREAT ;))

Sokkatara is now canon I’m obsessed with the nickname leekie beloved your brain is too big.

Rasu was like “oh no this kids crazy” & then Sokka said “tell me about Zuko” and rasu twirls his hair and giggles “SURE” & that’s how friends are formed. Take notes.

Katara & Sokka just need to get into one big “getting along shirt” and call it a day… but I kind of think Sokka would try to claw his way out… so yeah we don’t do that.

Lies are being exposed and Sokka has ZERO ground to keep standing on so he better accept the help or he is really going to drown. Ha.

LEEKI STOP SMASHING MY LIGHTBULBS I GOT TWO FLASHLIGHTS AND I CANT DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE.

Alright ex love I will see you soon!! :) <3

[hoonvrs]

We fr like this babes🤞

I CANNOT live a day with the worry of an argument it stresses me out so much

Alr not to vent but ive seen most ppl have this friend that they just cant say no to. Like its IMPOSSIBLE.

I have a friend like that, shes legit my closest friend. I have this trauma from like 3 years ago, she randomly just some day went "i dont wanna be friends with you anymore, r***a gives you too much attention." The girl i just metioned, my closest friend and i are a trio (theyre literally my closest friends). Back on topic HOW TF IS IT MY FAULT SHE GIVES ME TOO MUCH ATTENTION. But i was too distracted by the fact she didnt wanna be friends anymore that I didnt even realize how logicless it was. We had been friends for about 4 years back then (7 now) and i was DEVASTATED. No thats an understatement.

I was so sad that I went to my mum and cried to her for an hour straight.

After that she lowkey became controlling. Whenever i did something she didnt like, shed block me unannounced and wouldnt even tell me what pissed her off. Her anger issues are off the boundaries till today. She gets mad at the littlest of things. When i dont do something she wants she goes on to persuade me by telling me shed tell a certain someone my secrets or block me everywhere etc.

But till this day i cant unfriend her because first of all, im too scared to. Shed get all annoyed and talk behind my back shit. Secondly, forget the first one I just CANT. Whenever i wanna think of unfriending her i just get reminded of all the fun times we had all these years and end up with tears.

Besides all that, youd be surprised to believe she has been one of my best friends ever. Nobody would believe me. But in reality i love her too much to let go if

(IM SO SORRY FOR THE RANT I WAS FEELIN A LIL EMOSH TODAY 😭😭😭)

-🌜

DW ABOUT THE RANT BAE IDM

i can’t relate in the sense that my bsfs and me are a trio too but honestly ur friend sounds so toxic

i get you guys have had good times that makes u hesitate but if she’s able to get prissy and block you over her own problems and insecurities it’s really not worth it bae. no one who loves you would put you in a position where you question theyre friendship and contemplate unfriending them

and if she chats shit let her😭 people are gonna talk behind ur back regardless and i don’t wanna be the instigator here but do u really think she’s quiet whenever she gets upset or jealous and blocks you? i just think the cons outfight the pros cause no amount of good times can cover the fact that she’s genuinely stressed you out over ur friendship js cause she doesn’t wanna grow up

PEOPLE WHO CAN TAKE NO ARE THE WORRSSTTT the amount of arguments and growth i’ve had to go through with my friends rn over the last 8 years i’ve known them is crazy🫠 but sometime people need to be confronted and if ANYBODYY can’t take criticism from their best friend trust me they’ll nvr change🫥

BUT you never know, idk how old you are but friend groups and bsfs either grown into each other or out of it, it’s just life and part of it. js trust that you will grow and learn from it just try and protect ur peace

anyways i hope i don’t come off aggressive or sumn😭 im an argumentative bitch who will start an argument with anyone so ik not everyone is like me but hopefully it all ends well for u bae🫂 u deserve better