#if I don’t find a way to connect and engage with the queer community it is entirely possible that something awful will happen

[sassmill]

In Act 2 of Lempicka when Tamara and Rafaela enter Le Monocle for the first time they look around at all the women together and Rafaela says “a room full of nothing but US” and Tamara says “let’s never leave” and guys I just went to a lesbian bar for the first time (okay it’s actually a deli but they turn it into a lesbian bar at night) and GUYS? That is the safest I have ever felt out drinking and dancing and I felt so natural and I was surrounded by other queer women and that’s. That’s the first actual queer space I’ve been to in YEARS and especially post-pandemic. And I’m feeling such an overwhelming mix of emotions right now because I didn’t realize how isolated I felt from the queer community in my day to day life (ie not online). I just. God.

Dedicated queer spaces are so important. Lesbian bars are so important. This is the only one I’ve been to but I’m VERY aware that these days there are fewer and fewer of them but I just. I didn’t know how badly this kind of place and experience and connection to community was missing from my life until I suddenly had it tonight.

[skipppppy]

No offence but I feel like some people got a little too comfortable with telling people to touch grass and swung all the way round to just straight up shaming anyone who might have a less active social life than them to feel better about themselves. “She should be at the club” was a really funny meme until people started acting like fucking middle school bullies towards people who don’t go out with their friends a lot. All those drinking/drugs/sex milestone polls were fun to engage with until it became a wierd circlejerk making fun of people who haven’t done those things before. People on twitter are once again dogpiling someone for wanting queer social spaces that don’t revolve around alcohol or loud music and telling them it’s their own fault for not having friends.

Like I get that nightclubs and sex have strong ties to queer culture and are often the first targets in the hellscape of respectability politics. It’s important we remember our roots and protect these spaces from conservative scrutiny. I mean that. They are important. But just on a surface level it seems like people are starting to see having an inactive social life as some kind of moral failing which…it’s not. I feel like an insane person for feeling like I have to say this on the fucking queer autism website but like. You aren’t inherently a bad person if you don’t have friends. You aren’t “falling behind” if you haven’t had your first kiss in your 20s or never done drugs. The real world isn’t a movie. And if you see someone who doesn’t go out much and instinctually think “wow what a terminally online loser. I bet their social life sucks because they’re a sheltered creep and not because of systemic barriers beyond their control” you need to have a long hard look at why you feel that way.

There are very real barriers that prevent isolated people from finding community and connection. Do you think you’re superior for being able to breach them? Time, money, sobriety, accessibility, none of those factors were a problem for you, so it shouldn’t be for them, right? Right?

[callivich]

The Gallavich fandom on tumblr is great - full of lovely, creative people who are friendly and welcoming. So if you’re new to tumblr or Gallavich or coming back after some time away, don’t be shy, get involved! (I think I’ve got all the current blogs that share work and/or run events but if I’ve missed anyone, please let me know!!)

@gallavichthings - for all things Gallavich, as well as events and writer interviews

@gallavichfanficlibrary - the place for finding a fic or getting recommendations

@gallavichfanartgallery - all the fanart you could want in one place

@ao3feed-gallavich - never miss a Gallavich fic on ao3 with this automated feed

@gallacrafts - a monthly Gallavich themed craft event

@galladrabbles - a weekly Gallavich themed drabble challenge

@shamelesscreatorsnetwork - events, tips and ideas for digital/visual creators

@shamelessbigbang - running the Shameless Big Bang event for fic and art

@mayo-in-the-morning - a Gallavich fanfic podcast

@gallavichprompts - send your Gallavich prompts and get creative inspiration (including a list of authors & artists who take prompts)

@spicygallavichcollab - collaborative event for writers and artists who want to create smut

@bottomiangallagher - bottom!Ian fanfic and fanart recommendations

@gallavich-headcanon Gallavich headcanon questions and meta discussion

@gallvichnanowrimo - a Gallavich themed blog for NaNoWrimo but inspiring posts for anytime of year

@slim-jims-in-this-shit-hole - @gallawitchxx’s spicy and smutty fanfic and fanart recs

@dailymikhailo - your daily dose of Mickey

@iangallaghersdaily - your daily dose of Ian

@usergallaghers - your daily dose of Shameless

@lil-domestic-bitches - a spicy aesthetic Gallavich blog

@gallavichcoloringbook - a place to download Gallavich art to colour

@gallavich-podfic - a place for Gallavich pod fics

@its-a-queer-thing - is running a Gallavich tropes event

@gallavichficfinds - Gallavich fanfic recs and a place to find fics

Every Gallavich Kiss list by @brain-matter

@francesroserecs - a Gallavich fanfic rec blog

@f-f-podcast - South Side Rules - A Shameless Podcast

@gallavichmeta - a place for discussion, meta, and analysis of Ian, Mickey and their relationship

@thegallavault - a fully fan-made, totally free collection of beloved Ian x Mickey fics in e-reader (.epub) format, complete with a custom cover that features fan art made by one of the many talented artists in the Gallavich fandom

@gallavich-fic-club - A community of fic readers and writers, as well as some brilliant fan artists, who love to connect about all of our favorite stories. We run a weekly fic discussion, and otherwise spend our days chatting about all things Gallavich!

Mini Moodboard Story Challenges by @whatthebodygraspsnot - Gallavich picture prompts. What do you get when you put all the pieces together?

@gallapolls - questions related to Shameless

gallavich - private community for Gallavich fans (invite link here)

Updated: 17th August

@shamelessdvdcommentary - a place for authors to share commentaries about their stories

@gallafics - a blog that reviews and recs gallavich fics

~~~

Tags to track: #gallavich #iangallagher #mickeymilkovich #ianxmickey #gallavichfanfic #gallavichfanart

Don’t forget: likes are great but reblogs are the best. Reblogs help share work, likes don’t do that. Please don’t steal and repost gifs, reblog gifs you like or use the gif search function (bottom left hand corner of a post) to include gifs you like in a post. Feel free to write comments in the tags or reply to posts, that’s a great way to show love and also engage with people. There’s lots of people who are happy to chat on here, so feel free to pop into their inbox and say hi 🙂

And feel free to make a #gallavichintro post or a #shamelessintro post to introduce yourself! And check out the lurker’s guide to the tumblr Gallavich fandom.

(p.s. I don’t know if it needs to be said but most people on here, like myself, are adults and only want to interact with other adults so please respect that if you are under 18)

[genderkoolaid]

Honestly, there’s something that I’m struggling with, I’m like salmacian, and I have bottom dysphoria, that’s like really really really bad, and I’m planning on getting bottom surgery, but honestly, I kinda don’t know how I’m gonna deal with the whole isolation aspect of it all. Cause like, the queer community HATES us bro, so while I love the idea of finally feeling free in my body it sucks because it makes me feel like I have to choose between my life and my community; my bottom dysphoria has been making me wanna kms, I mean like literally curl up in a ball and drop dead, and then you see people on Twitter and shit saying “if you feel dysphoria in this way you *SHOULD* kill yourself” and that’s really challenging for me, I can’t really go to irl queer spaces or transition right now (toxic family situation) but it’s crazy for all these queer spaces to be about “being your true self” just “NOT LIKE THAT” I hope IRL queer spaces will be better, but like I can’t just die because other queer people don’t like my dysphoria, but it’s also kinda hard to find others like me.

Like, what do I even do here?? Do I just pretend I’m cis? Do I publicly ID as nonbinary and pretend I’ve never had bottom surgery, do I pretend I’m like binary transmasc, and also like, in this vein, I think it’s funny (horrible) how nonbinary people literally get hate no matter what we do, we don’t transition? Then we’re bad cringy transtrenders and the reason cis people hate trans people, we transition? We’re evil incarnate, we just can’t win lmaooo. 💀

First of all, I’d recommend distancing yourself from spaces that promote anti-salmacian bigotry and trying to engage yourself in online pro-salmacian spaces as much as possible. Do whatever you have to in order to disconnect from the people who hock the idea that salmacians are bad or salmacian transitions are somehow immoral. If you haven’t checked out r/salmacian, I would highly suggest it– its the biggest (and really, only) community of salmacians I’m aware of and it can be really refreshing to be in a space entirely centered around us and our desires and needs. Connecting with other salmacians can be so healing, especially getting to see people who have physically transitioned and reminding yourself that it is possible to have that body and be happy. It also reminds you that there are so many of us out there– pretty much everytime I talk about being salmacian on here, I see new people who have never realized that “its a thing” and there’s a word for it. It is so much more normal to be salmacian than bigots will make it seem. 

This post on the subreddit talks about dating as salmacians, and the consensus seems to be that the trans dating scene seems to be pretty accepting of salmacians– obviously that’s not going to be the case everywhere, but weird queers have existed since time immemorial. When you are surrounded by (especially online) regressive bigots, it really warps your view of reality and makes it hard to truly believe that that isn’t the universal standard. Its near impossible to thrive when you are in the situation, which is why its so vital to surround yourself with proof that that isn’t the standard. I promise you that you will be able to find a community that will find the idea that your dysphoria is “evil” to be fucking ridiculous and support your salmacian identity– you might even find other salmacians, or help other people realize its an achievable option! 

I strongly agree with how nonbinary people get treated re: transitioning. Obviously binary people are not overall treated better but it really does suck there’s no way to be nonbinary that doesn’t involve hate– either you don’t transition (or don’t “really”/”fully” transition) and get seen as a transtrender who doesn’t know what its REALLY like, or you have a “weird” transition and get treated like a weird fetish-chaser or a TLC short and not, like, a person who just wants to control their own body. Tbh I would love to see more nonbinary/genderqueer-centered community stuff, along with more discussion of exorsexism that isn’t just “diet transmisogyny/transandrophobia” or “general transphobia.” Ik a lot of post-bottom surgery trans people feel disconnected from the trans community, and I myself have thought about how I’m going to go about… engaging with others and identifying myself post-op. Honestly I would love a salmacian4salmacian relationship but idk if that will ever be in the cards!

& when it comes to salmacians & exorsexism there’s so much stereotyping us as horny freaks (which is a bad thing apparently!) whose dysphoria/euphoria is Evil and Twisted and like… 1. thats just Transmisogyny 2: Electric Boogaloo 2. as if its our fault that 99% of salmacian rep is in fetish porn, so there are so many of us whose only exposure to the concept of being salmacian is through that lens. Or as if its inherently evil to feel sexually satisified with a body that brings you joy? (also this doesn’t even get into the way that so much discussion around transness is not prepared for altersex transitions & the reality of nonbinary people who are physically androgynous and how no, you can’t just slap binary theory onto our bodies and assume its going to cover our experiences, which is why while I would not call myself intersex I do feel a strong sense of solidarity with intersex people bc of the shared “stop assuming your forced rebinarization of myself and my body is okay or coherent”… but anyways!)

I’d love to see a stronger salmacian community, and know that you (or anyone else!) can send me asks about being salmacian, whether to learn more or for advice or just to share experiences/vent and I will be overjoyed to respond. I love talking about being salmacian and helping other people learn about it.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Im asexual and trans and possibly aromantic, And im autistic as well, is it bad that i dont like having studies come out saying my queerness is likely because of my autism? Like im proud of being autistic, and im proud of my queerness, but it feels off for me to say one is caused by the other, i just am the way i am. Maybe im misunderstanding what these studies mean? (Also, i dont have a problem with people saying they themselves are one way due to autism, i know that can be comforting for some people)

I tend to get bad vibes when its an unknown source telling this information because it sometimes reminds me of people using ableism to try and tell me im "confused" but I'd love to hear more perspective cuz it doesnt seem to bother anyone else and it very well could just be me not understanding.

Hi there,

I’m sorry to hear that this makes you uncomfortable. I did some research myself, and it does seem like autistic individuals are more likely to be LGBTQ+. Here’s a visual from Neurodivergent Insights, I site I find reliable:

According to Neurodivergent Insights:

Autists are more likely to be non-heterosexual than the general population (Sarris, 2020). While 4.5% of general population identifies as LGB (Gallup poll), a rate of 15-35% within Autistic community identify as LGB (Sarris, 2020).

Autists are 2-3 times more likely to be LGB than the general population (Dr. Eileen Crehan quoted in Sarris 2020).

In a study involving approximately 630 individuals, 69.7% of Autistic individuals reported being non-heterosexual while only 30% of the TD group identified as being non-heterosexual (George and Stokes, 2018).

Several studies suggest Autistic men are more likely to be heterosexual than Autistic women (Dewinter et al., 2017; George and Stokes, 2018). For example, in a Dutch study, 57 percent of autistic women reported being straight while 82 percent of autistic men reported being straight (Dewinter et al., 2017).

Gender Diversity

A larger percentage of autists identify with something other than strictly male or female (bigender, genderqueer and “other”) (George and Stokes, 2018)

Warrier et al., 2021 found that transgender and gender-diverse adults were three to six times more likely to be autistic than cisgender adults. Notably, this only includes diagnosed Autists–and many adults on the spectrum may be undiagnosed. Based on the global population, Warrier et al.2021 estimate somewhere between 3-9% of transgender and gender-diverse adults may be autistic. To learn more specifically about GenderDiversity and Autism see my infographic about it here.

Non-Traditional Relationship Structure

Emerging research suggests Autists are less likely to engage in traditional relationship structures. They are more likely to be poly, practice consensual non-monogamy and kink (Gratton, 2019; Schöttle et. al., 2017).

ACE/ARO

Autists are more likely to be asexual and/or aromantic (Attanasio et al., 2021; George and Stokes, 2018)

In a studying involving 230 Autistic adults 30% indicated they experienced sexual experiences as unpleasant (Lai et al., 2011)

In a study by Dewinter et al., 2017 Autistic women were more likely to be asexual than autistic men

The article has the links to the sources of these studies if you want to read more:

It’s not bad that you don’t like studies like this. I can see where you’re coming from. I just wanted to share some information about it so there would be some more understanding about the studies.

I’m no doctor or professional, so I can’t say if autism is common with the LGBTG+ community. But there does seem to be some connection between the two in my opinion.

I hope this answers your question. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ❤️

[wen-kexing-apologist]

How are you so cool and write so much cool meta?? Sometimes I find myself not agreeing to it, but that makes it more cooler ig. (Like what are you doing with life if your meta posts don't have a lil potential for controversy and make people second guess.)

I don't really have anything to ask rn but your latest Step by Step meta post about homelessness and hidden relationships and bridges was really, really good, so just Take my love! <3333

(and keep on writing, please!)

Omg thank you this is so sweet!

How am I so cool and write so much cool meta??

It’s a combination of being gay, mental illness, and a theatre degree I think!

But actually I write cool meta because other people write cool meta and other people share their thoughts and opinions and talk to the internet about them, and talk to me about them, and sometimes I agree and sometimes I don’t and sometimes something they say makes me think about a scene differently or a show differently or a character differently and without that I wouldn’t be here, writing meta until way too late in the evenings.

My cool meta would not exist without people like @absolutebl, @bengiyo, @colourme-feral, @dribs-and-drabbles, @emotionallychargedtowel, @ginnymoonbeam, @kyr-kun-chan, @liyazaki, @lurkingshan, @neuroticbookworm, @respectthepetty, @ranchthoughts, @shortpplfedup, @so-much-yet-to-learn, @solitaryandwandering, @waitmyturtles

and so many many many many many more people who have made posts or come into my comments, or my DMs, or my inbox to talk to me about the things they’re seeing, about the things they are thinking, about the questions they have.

it starts small, it builds over time. I started by seeing @respectthepetty’s index of BL tattoos and BL t-shirts and sending her examples I’d seen that she didn’t have, and then I followed her, and then she started posting about colors, and then I started to thinking about colors instead of just watching the show in front if me, and then *I* started to post about colors, and then about scenes, and then about body language, until my brain was trained, primed, and ready to instantly make a connection between queer people finding safety among other historically disenfranchised communities.

not all of my meta has been cool, some of my meta has caused people to stall on shows they were enjoying because I got over excited, because I was still honing my analysis brain, I’ve been wrong before about colors, about theories, about everything and I keep posting anyway (I just don’t include those failures on my master post lmfao)

All of this to say, cool meta is subjective and cool meta can take time to get right. My meta does not exist without other people behind the camera, in front of the camera, and on the internet putting their own time and effort in to creating something, analyzing something, sharing something that I can connect with, reflect on, and respond to.

all of this to say I write cool meta because other people write cool meta and I am all the better for it. So this is my call to action for more people to start feeling empowered to POST! THAT! SHIT!

post it if you feel it strongly, post it if you agree, post it if you disagree, post about colors and numbers and shapes and the significance of blow jobs and tattoos and tropes. Post the best kisses and why, post the categorizations, post what you are comfortable with

but be respectful!

don’t jump down people’s throat on main, engage in discussions not debates don’t post just cause you feel like you have something to prove. I have disagreed with many people I tagged here, honestly I’ve probably disagreed with all of them at one point. Disagreed about actors, about editing, about story structure, about significance. But I listen, I understand that everyone has lenses through which they view the world, the way they view media and I take those as learning opportunities. I’ve disagreed with everyone here at some point, and even in the midst of those discussions I take their points. I can understand why they don’t have the same hangs ups, or have different hang ups, or like something others don’t, or don’t like something others do.

I consider a great number of the people I tagged to be my internet friends and we’ve remained that way for the last…4? months that I’ve been posting meta because we can shut up and listen just as good as we can ramble and write.

tl;dr i write cool meta because others write cool meta and you too should write cool meta

[elizmanderson]

queerness in The Remarkable Retirement of Edna Fisher

book description

when you’re an old woman armed with nothing but gumption and knitting needles, stopping a sorcerer from wiping out an entire dragon-fighting organization is a tall order. no one understands why 83-year-old Edna Fisher is the Chosen One, destined to save the Knights from a dragon-riding sorcerer bent on their destruction. after all, Edna has never handled a magical weapon, faced down a dragon, or cast a spell. and everyone knows the Council of Wizards always chooses a teenager—like the vengeful girl ready to snatch Edna’s destiny from under her nose.

still, Edna leaps at the chance to leave the nursing home. with a son long dead in the Knights’ service, she’s determined to save dragon-fighters like him & ensure other mothers don’t suffer the same loss she did. but as Edna learns about the abuse in the ranks & the sorcerer’s history, she questions if it’s really the sorcerer that needs stopping—or the Knights she’s trying to save.

find it here

okay let's talk about queerness in this book

did a thread on twitter in which I said "cishet" five hundred thousand times so will probably get banned lmao but anyway I wanted to share it here too

especially since it's late in Pride Month and I have yet to post anything anywhere about it BEING Pride Month and me being queer and my books being queer, bc I've been burnt out af. so what energy I've had has gone toward planning and writing

anyway

I say "queerness in" rather than "queer characters in" because I want to talk about queerness in the book more broadly, not least bc I'm a queer creator & this is a queer book, but I've had a lot of impostor syndrome about both those things.

I figured out I was queer later in life & am a woman-presenting person w/a male-presenting partner. I've questioned my gender & sexuality repeatedly & ID'd differently over time, which is why I like "queer." I don't have to re-explain myself a dozen times. I'm queer. that's that.

but having figured out my queerness later, and having a relationship that presents as cishet, it took a long time for me to overcome feelings of ~not being queer enough~ (and sometimes I still struggle with them).

similarly, my MC is an apparently* cishet woman, unlike the MCs of many books that appear on queer book lists at this time of year. just like I took a long time to start really engaging with my community bc I worried I wasn't ~queer enough,~ for a long time, I didn't call this a queer book bc I worried it wasn't ~queer enough~. if people asked if the book was queer, I'd reply with a laundry list of explicitly queer characters rather than saying yes

fuck that though lmao. this is a queer book. let me count the ways

1. found family

as found family is so important to many queer people - by connecting us to our community, by welcoming us when bio family casts us off - found family is central to REMARKABLE RETIREMENT. while there are queer romantic arcs, the found family is the most important relationship in the book.

2. queer labels

some characters get explicit labels. Benjamin is gay. Clem is ace. queer labels are important bc they give us the ability to describe our identities and experiences! however...

3. undefined queerness

while labels are important, queerness isn't about fitting into new boxes. it's about smashing the boxes apart.

even if characters don't have specific labels applied on-page, they're queer. they don't need to claim a specific label for that to be true.*

*caveat that some media avoids using labels to pander to queer audiences w/implied queerness without ~alienating~ cishets by stating "this character is Not Cishet"**

that's not what I mean

I mean e.g. in OFMD queerness is inherent even if WORDS like queer/ace/etc aren't used. OMitB is another example (specifically Mabel) and Good Omens is yet another.

**caveat to my caveat that some media is queer-coded & avoids queer labels rather than being explicitly queer because network execs or whoever won't allow explicit queerness.

this is not the fault of the creators. sometimes it can be hard to tell the difference.

but anyway.

in REMARKABLE RETIREMENT, several queer characters are queer without using specific labels.

in some cases this is bc it doesn't come up or isn't important to them to express in the moment. like Clem is bi, but she's not worried about being bi. she's worried about being ace, because she's still kind of questioning that about herself, and she's worried it might cause problems down the road if her crush is >:[ about her not wanting to have sex. so she uses the word "ace" to describe herself in this scene but not "bi," even though she's both.

in other cases it's bc they don't have the language. Kiernan's sense of attraction and desire is described in a way that seems graysexual or demisexual (or both), and Red's sense of desire is described in a way that seems ace-spec, but neither of them use those terms, because neither of them know those terms. despite the lack of terminology, many ace readers have identified multiple ace characters based on description or experience. the lack of a specific label doesn't make those characters less queer.

similarly, some characters have not yet had this realization about themselves. which leads us to...

4. questioning

okay, back to my first asterisk of the post.

Edna is by all appearances an old cishet woman.

for most of the story, that's how she seems. that's what SHE thinks, even. she's a cishet old grandma adopting every queer young person she can find.

BUT THEN

Clem explains aceness to her

and Edna has a brief crisis bc wait a minute this sounds like her??

ultimately, Edna has too much to worry about right now to spend time questioning whether, at the age of 83, she might be somewhere on the ace spectrum

so it doesn't come up again

but that moment of crisis is THERE, & that too is queer

5. queernormativity*

I write queernorm worlds, largely bc I viscerally hate coming out lmao

it doesn't mean everyone's a queer scholar

like Clem has to explain "ace" to Edna, bc Edna thinks blankly of a deck of cards & doesn't understand what that has to do with sex

but it DOES mean queer folks get to just be and do

*caveat that this is not remotely to imply that a story is less queer if its world ISN'T queernorm

it's just a way in which MY story is queer

6. all the queer characters

not gonna do a list (even though my original idea for Pride Month when I was young and optimistic and thought I'd have energy to do it way back when was a list of queer characters), but virtually every character in this book is queer in one way or another

on twitter this is where I ended because 6 seemed like a good number for Pride since June is the sixth month, but tumblr gets a bonus

7. the author is queer

happy pride, buy my queer book

[almightytuba]

I’ve been putting this post off for a while now but it’s becoming increasingly more important as the situation progresses.

I have been a part of the NanoWriMo YWP for four years now. I joined at a generally bad time and found some wonderful companions via the site. In my years there I have made connections, found community, improved and renewed my love for writing. That is not to say that the experience was entirely good, however. I will be forever grateful for the friends I’ve made and the outlet it gave me in rough times but I have been left disgusted overall by the site.

This site is promoted for anyone under 18, the forums available to anyone 13-18. The program is not only readily available with no moderation as to verifying users (allowing for many spam accounts and ‘backups’, as I will address in a moment) but is promoted in schools nation-wide. Without any protection and moderation on a global site, the YWP creates a breeding ground for predatory behavior in a place advertised towards children and teens. It’s my firm belief that yes, the YWP is a fantastic concept- most teens are not able to find supportive communities or allowed to express themselves and the site acts as such, This is a horrifying notion but it’s realistic when children are continuously and purposely overlooked for the purpose of ‘saving face.’ The YWP has done exactly that. It has failed not only me, but my friends, teachers, and schools.

I have been present for a mere fraction of the garbage the site allows to fester within it. I cannot speak from experience in all events but what I can speak for with certainty, I will.

1- Predators and predatory behavior. One of the greatest flaws of the site is that what could have been avoided genuinely avoided if its users taken seriously or given an ounce of respect. Predators being allowed to run rampant is not in the least new to the site and it’s almost entirely up to its users to keep themselves safe. Mods have continued to err on the side of perpetrators. Perhaps if this happened once, it could be excusable by some great reach- but this is repeated behavior from the people entrusted to the site. Time after time I have engaged in “flagging battles”- the only thing users have virtually with no in-site blocking system- against users telling teens to kill themselves, to doxx themselves, to engage in sexual activities. Let me remind you that YWP is a writing site for children- and if accounts can that simply lie about their age, I can assure you there are users younger than the 13 minimum roaming around the site.

2- Harassment and bullying. As I said above, anyone can make an account. This includes troll/spam accounts, and sheer amount of repeat offenders on the site is repulsive. In the rare case mods do anything about what occurs in-site (rather than ban users that are self-moderating and genuinely trying to help), users are just able to make a new account. The sheer amount of times I have seen backup accounts log made for the sake of spamming “KYS” is almost astonishing. I could talk for ages on this; how the same user has come back and perpetuated racism, sexism, homophobia- anything just to ‘piss people off’. The YWP is allegedly a ‘safe space’ for its large queer community and a neurodivergent populous. With this rampant behavior the site only works to perpetuate hate.

3- Moderation. I am aware that this is a subject of controversy, many vocal points screaming out at the YWP- “why don’t you just ignore it if you don’t like it?” And to that I ask you if ignoring a prevalent problem truly makes it dissipate. Although the answer clear, we are still told our anger unjustified or methods fear-mongering. This disgusts me. We are justified. We are allowed to be as vocally angry as we wish because we have been wronged and have virtually no other power to do anything about it.

There are endless ways that the mods have failed us. By refusing to listen to the community they only work to make the space less safe, banning those who speak out and ‘hurt their feelings’ or by kicking dirt over incidents of their own failure. This is non-conducive work and I have no idea how it passed for it for so long.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask me.

[sapphic-sex-ed]

I know this is just a me problem & I need to just suck it up and deal with it but I feel... incredibly guilty about not wanting to have sex with my friends. For one, I've never had a friend actually want to engage in that with me so a part of it might be me feeling bad about "not being good enough", but another part of me feels like the queer community is advancing to new places that gives them more joy, freedom, and love and it feels like since the topic is so triggering to me (for no good reason mind you) that I just don't really belong? I haven't been able to talk to other queer people or go to pride events because I'm in such a small, homophobic town. But I feel like if I showed up to a queer event, I just wouldn't fit in and they just would not like me. Not only for looking overly masculine and kinda yucky (not in way thats celebrated in the queer community) after my transition, but because the accomodations I would need for my triggers would just be too unrealistic to expect them to accomodate to (I've been in therapy for nearly 10 yrs, unfortunately some triggers just dont go away). And also bc I'm a sapphic trans guy and ,, man idk if that would piss people off.

I just want to ask, is it okay if I still view sex as sacred for myself but don't think poorly of people who have casual sex or sex with friends? If anything, I'm envious of them for being able to have such a connection to their friends that I would never be comfortable having.

I’m glad to hear you’re seeing a therapist, it’s very clear from your ask that you’re struggling with very low self-worth and I’ve been there and it sucks.

As for your question itself — sex positivity and sex acceptance are about finding a sexuality that feels good for you and don’t shame those whose sexuality feels good to them but isn’t the same as yours. If sex is something sacred to you that is for you alone or only to share with a select few then that is always valid as long as it feels good to you. At the same time, having sex with friends and having multiple partners is just as valid as long as it’s what the people practicing it wants. Neither one has the right to shame or devalue the other.

I notice a pattern in your ask, where you make claims about how you feel people will respond to you. This is a normal thing our human brains do, but this anxiety seems to be preventing you from going out and trying. You think but you do not know that people wouldn’t accept you. Thou think but you do not know that you wouldn’t fit in. Internet queer discourse is poison basically and people in the irl communities are usually a lot more accepting. Online we kinda forget that we’re interacting with other people, but irl we can’t do that as easily (although dehumanization of minorities is a thing, so not impossible but it takes a lot more organized, structural effort). In Swedish we have this expression “provtänka” which roughly translates to “try-thinking” or “attempting-think” where we sort of say a thought we had to other people, usually friends, to try it out. It can be something beneficial like “wait isn’t it strange that inflation is up 4% but benefits have only increased by 2,6%?” and then we can all curse capitalism together. But it can also be (and this is a real example of a thing I said when I was 16) “there are so many bad parents like shouldn’t the government like make you take tests and and out a license for you to reproduce so no children get harmed” and your friends will rightfully go “no wtf??? That’s such an over-reach of government power what are you on???”. Like you try out a thought that you haven’t thought about that much or aren’t that invested in and you do a vibe check basically. Like that pregnancy thought was whack but I hadn’t really thought about it. Luckily my friends were reasonable people who asked what tf was wrong with me and explained why that was a horrible thing and I haven’t thought that way since. Online, you sorta either get jumped which has the effect of you doubling down on your not even fully formed opinion bc you get defensive, or you find other whack jobs who agree and that’s how radicalization happens.

So to the point bc I lost it bc that who I am as a person: people are a lot more forgiving offline and if someone has doubts initially, they’re less likely to voice them, and if they do they’re likely to get checked, and if they don’t just spending time with you will humanize you (which is why people from bigger cities are usually more open-minded, bc exposure to people different than them).

And a last point to wrap up: you write that you’re “envious of them for being able to have such a connection to their friends that I would never be comfortable having”. Relationships aren’t a hierarchy. Romantic relationships aren’t superior to friendships, and sex with friends isn’t superior to hook-ups or long-term partners, and partnered sex isn’t superior to solo sex. They’re different flavors and not everyone will like the same thing. I can’t stand olives but I love pineapple on pizza. I once dated a girl who despised potatoes. Neither is better than the other. I can’t really understand why she would hate potatoes and most people I believe find it strange, but like that’s just her preference. And I know many people find me strange for my choices in pizza toppings (pineapple, banana and curry).

That is to say: it sucks when you feel left out of some type of relationship you’ll never have — I’m an only child hand have always been envious of people with siblings — but that doesn’t mean that type is “better” or that that type of connection is “deeper” than what’s possible within the types of relationships that would fit you.

-mod liz

[poppyandzena]

Hi, again — thank you for putting my questions out, I appreciate folks engaging on the colonization posts. It’s dangerous, especially right now.

I recall Poppy claiming that Zena was Indigenous in discussions on racialized topic, but unfortunately I can’t find a link. I know the context tied to something around racial issues (landback? prof flowers?). I usually don’t look further into those claims from white ppl when they use inidgeneity claims while getting called out for a racist comments or perspective. It’s a nuanced issue between Black & Native communities & ppl mess up sometimes. These moments are times to learn, not deny & get shitty. It’s also a common tactic used by white folks — being Native doesn’t mean you can’t say anti-black shit or be anti-black.

Anyway, I am very active in organizing on MMIR/MMIW. On the ground, in communities. I have multiple missing/murdered relatives. Northern border towns are dangerous near my home. I disclose this because the following context drew First Nation/Native attention.

I suspect the Indigenous claim ties came up while folks engaged Native issues in tense racial discussions. However, aside from the claims, many of us have seen Poppy use the movements centered around our missing & murdered relatives to lash out at Black women during the say her name situation. She did not engage a public dialogue with organizers. She spoke for us and in a harmful way. I understand the pushback for say her name. But pulling Natives into this as if Black women STOLE from us is actually harmful. It also indicates, a lack of connection with our communities & people. Over simplified arguments on landback are just as harmful. The US has always wanted our land & resources — they STILL target our jurisdictions. They are still focused on taking our homelands. Nonnative don’t see it because they were socialized not to see it. These streamer are influencing white youth that will have power to impact our ppl. The US education socializes citizens. Untangling yourselves from that socialization is KEY in movement building & Indigenous/Black conceptual frameworks are powerful. They will sharpen any anti-colonial movement. They are imperative in order for movements to NOT become refined versions of settler colonialism. This shit is real. Obviously Indigenous erasure (genocide) directly resulted in nonnative ignorance on our tribes & movements. It is pretty extreme even in queer contexts & for us, kinda horrifying. These are not rhetorical issues — they have impacts that many nonblack & nonnative folks won’t see unless pointed out. And even then, it takes time to flesh them out. It is truly laborious & triggering as fuck. It also derails our work.

We have murderer and missing Afro-Native relatives and that hashtag HELPED with visiblizing Black/Native intersections of racialized murder & trafficking. As if there aren’t Black Native families/people. It is dehumanizing. We are not props in your arguments against Black Americans. The hashtags assisted in furthering deep discussions between our communities on US/ Canadian anti-black/anti-indigenous issues rooted in US /Canadian settler colonialism/capital colonialism/white supremacy.

There is a very common thing settlers do when they’re called out on racial issues — they use Native ppl/identity as props in their arguments to bolster their arguments when called out for antiblackness. Everyone in this country is socialized to be antiblack and anti-indigenous. Even Native ppl and black ppl! It’s not personal, it’s systemic. We are people tho and we see white streamers like Poppy. Streamers who should be our allies. Often we won’t engage because…well, emotional economics & cost/benefit analytics. There is a very long history of settlers and the US settler nation-state using Black/Native struggles in ways to create antagonisms. It happens interpersonally, as seen with Poppy’s argument. And it happens in policy. The systemic roots of antagonisms between Native ppl & Black ppl stem back far (chattel slavery —5-tribes/genocide—buffalo soldiers hunting/killing Natives). Our communities have direct relatives from these times, they not just called ancestors, they are our precious relatives — it wasn’t that long ago (example: my mom was raised by my great-grandmother who was born in 1870, my grandmother died at 107).

It’s all become a mentality woven into the fabric of US society and settler mentalities poison social movements.

Anyway, I’ll ask the other person who brought it to my attention. Maybe they’ll remember. Sorry for typos. It’s a lot to comment on.

.

[booksandchainmail]

Pale 4.7

“Zed told me I need to work with others better.  I’m used to working on my own, and I’ve already decided on the answer.  I could say it, but then I’m not working with the group, am I?”

lol. but also fair. I feel like I've been on Jessica's side of this a few times, and am now getting an appreciation for how annoying it is

That wasn’t wrong, but… it was frustrating, and it was that frustration that seemed to extend from Jessica.  Because Jessica was queer and casually cool, and she explored places. 

oh yeah. I hadn't thought of this angle, but I think Jessica might be literally the first other queer girl Avery has ever met. IME that produces a lot of "please recognize me and notice I am also queer and act as though that gives us a connection" feelings. Which can be a lot to put on another person all at once.

And like, okay, Jessica had a girlfriend and she was a few years older, and maybe that got a bit weird, so she was off limits relationship-wise,

it's not (necessarily) about having a crush, just about finding a community

“He was like that with you, briefly.  He likes things predictable.  You’re both… ‘wild’,” Jessica murmured.

:|

"if you three won’t give me data to work with in structuring my lessons, please sit back, be quiet, and don’t engage until I signal it’s okay. The programs I use for the adaptive lesson plan are sensitive." “You could have told her.” “I am not interested in arguing the point, Ms. Kelly.  This works for me and it works for the majority of my students.  The school offers many other learning opportunities for those who don’t like how I teach.”

ok. so an actual explanation for what was going on last chapter. But it still sucks! Feels like the school as a whole is structured for the idea of doing what the teachers say without questioning, which on the one hand is necessary when in immediate danger, but on the other hand is a dick move, and also really exploitable

the pillars of the awakening ritual, fishbone as skull, axe as blade, dog as element of nature, and comb as thread.

iirc they had a rose as element of nature in pact, but none in the awakening in pale. I think I missed that earlier, bc I was thinking of the rose as a personal item. Guess most depictions of the seal of solomon go with a six pointed star, so makes sense that awakening would use six items. And that a "wild" awakening wouldn't need an element of nature

“My mom made Effy on the day I was born. She said if I wasn’t satisfactory as a daughter, Effy would drag out my guts, put them inside herself, take my blood and skin to seal up the doll joints, and replace me.”

WHAT THE FUCK. and this is the woman teaching a workshop right now

I awoke on my own, secretly, then I talked to Effy, and neither of us were sure if my mom would keep me or Effy. So we agreed she’d be my familiar. That way my mom would have to keep us both or destroy us both.

this is fucked up but sweet. binding yourself permanently to the being made to replace you, so that neither of you is disposable... I want an interlude from her perspective

“There is a third type of practitioner-familiar bond.  Not the master, not the partner, but the subservient.  The familiar as an Other, and you as its slave or servant.”

I'd be interested in seeing a consensual mutual familiar bond where the familiar is more powerful. We've seen in Pact that a bond unbalanced in the other way can still be healthy

It was weird that Verona, for once, was super worked up about stuff having to do with the case, if it could be called that.  Except Verona seemed worked up about a bunch of stuff.  Bouncy and hyper and… And happy?

feels bad that happy registers as unusual

But Brie asked questions online before Zed found her, and my would-be successor, who I’m being careful not to name, found one of those dangling threads. He thinks the silence and secrecy is mine, to my own ends, and anything reasonable I could try to use to deter him would only encourage, instead.

not sure how much I believe Alexander here. Getting the Kennet Trio to misguidedly act in his defense seems like a move he'd make. But if this is correct, that could be a serious problem. The better they are at deflecting Bristow, likely the more he thinks its Alexander

Every dealing with him felt like you were at a disadvantage, and felt like you were losing a bit.  And before you knew it, a whole war had happened and you’d lost too many of the battles.

Thinking a bit about how power is not necessarily the ability to win a confrontation, but the ability to set the terms of that confrontation to begin. To pick conditions and setting favorable to you, but also to pick and choose your battles, to set stakes you can handle but the other party can't, to offer terms they can't afford to back away from. Also, on another level, the ability to determine who gets the opportunity to make a challenge, whose demands are even heard or listened to, what issues matter enough to oppose each other over.

We saw this back in Nicolette's interlude, where Alexander creates an environment that pressures her, so that he has more opportunities to intervene and she has less resources to draw on. Then waits for moments where he can offer something she wants, or give aid she desperately needs, all at little personal cost.

[nerdygaymormon]

Looking for advice if you have the time/energy.

After accepting I'm queer I realized that I was probably in love with my best friend in high school and I'm having trouble processing that.

Like, I want to try and connect with them just for some closure, but i don't want them to think I'm making unwanted advances, though part of me wants the chance to try again.

But then it feels weird to be pinning after them when it's been long enough that we are different people now.

Am I overthinking things? I just want to make sure I'm respectful of them. (We fell out of contact when I moved and I let it go cause I was having Big Feelings I couldn't process.)

When we're feeling vulnerable or lonely, often we want to connect with someone from our past with whom we felt an intimate connection, or who was a fun acquaintance, or who brought out a certain side of our personality, and so on. Basically, wanting to feel comfort and those past feelings represent acceptance, belonging and safety.

Now that you've gone through the process of accepting you are queer and how that changes your life path, and realizing your feelings for your friend were more than just friendship, I get that you're feeling more vulnerable, things aren't settled the way they once seemed.

Remember that you’ve changed, as has your friend (one would hope). You're neither one the gangly, awkward teenagers you were then. Your friend isn't the kid you knew, just like you’re not the closeted queer person you were.

Think about what your intentions are before you decide to reach out. Do you want to just say a quick hello, engage in a deep-dive catch-up session or re-enter each other’s lives more fully? How did your friendship end, you just lost touch after high school or was there a reason you stopped communicating?

Also think, what do you expect them to do with that information? Will telling them about your feelings back then turn a happy time with you into “an issue”. Is there any value for them in learning you once had feelings?

It’s probably a good idea to do some research before you make contact. Consult your former friend’s social media, are they super religious? Are they in a relationship? Do they post things that are very conservative? Try to get a picture of how they might react based on what you can learn about who they are now.

You also need to think about how their reaction would impact you. What if your friend responds that they'd prefer no further contact or responds negatively to the idea you had feelings for them. If you don't want to risk dealing with that kind of rejection, it’s best not to tell them.

Here’s an idea: Write them (yes, with pen and paper) a letter saying what it is you want to let them know, how you felt, how you still feel, put it all down. Let them know what they meant to you, how you wish you could have come out then, how realizing what you felt helped you to come out to yourself, and so on, so that they can understand your feelings. Get detailed. Tell them what you think about them today, all these many years later. Then put that letter in an envelope, write their name on the front - just their name, no address - and don’t seal it. Then put it with your other high school memorabilia - yearbooks, etc., and that’s where you’ll keep it.

You can go back and read it whenever you have a longing for those teenage years. You can relive those many months of your first love, even if unspoken and unrequited, and bring back the happiness it brought you to have this special, great (and probably straight) friend in your life.

It will help get it out of your system with a lot less weirdness for your friend by having this dumped into their current life. It's not really useful information for them. They've moved on with their life and don't need to have their understanding of the past changed.

Then move on with your current life, focus on your new career or your education, find a nice person to feel romantic about. Move forward, don’t wallow in and pine for the past.

[hyunjining]

Hi Alicia, thanks for opening up conversation about H&L, and being open about how you’re feeling! I’ve only been involved in Larrie fandom since 2021. I teetered on the edge for a while until I watched the cosmicleeds timelines, as I hadn’t been present to see events in real time so didn’t have that historical connection.

In my limited experience, I feel like this time of year is testing. Winter girlfriends, stunting with F, and no opportunity for direct connection with L&H’s music personas through their concerts. This season is worse for many of us because world news is so disheartening, and trivialities of oblivious rich celebrities feels hard to stomach.

I live in Australia and will be going to all of Louis’s shows in a few weeks. I’m nervous about how much I will enjoy them because I’m feeling cynical about how unvalued we are as fans, especially post chickengate etc. I’ve been lucky enough to see Louis live in 2022 & 2023 and it’s always been a really positive experience, plus I often livestream which adds a lot to it. Ahead of the upcoming shows I’ve been withdrawing a bit from engagement with the fandom to try and preserve my experience. I am a natural cynic anyway, and have often wrestled with doubts about whether we’re being fully played to increase fandom engagement (à la the explicit formula apparently used by industry for KPop success which includes alluding to gay relationships). I agree with the sentiment that you need to feel good things about the artist to enjoy the art, and so much of what I perceive to be stunting is making me not feel good about H or L. I am feeling particularly disengaged from H because of his steadfast alignment to the A**offs, and their stance on I*rael, but also the fact that almost everyone in his public social circle seems so odious. I am more forgiving of L, although the stuff with F and the sharp ways he pushes Larries away really tests me. My time in fandom is significantly shorter than yours, but my emotional response is still complex and definitely making me feel down and uncomfortable. I can only imagine how magnified that would be for you.

I think many of us become part of fandom for community, as well as for entertainment and joy. Cynicism and disengagement are hard things to find community in, and not great for our general moods. I hope your love of Stray Kids, or any other artists you come across, brings you joy and hopefully community over time.

Sorry for the essay 😂 Wishing you all the best 💗

i teared up a little at the end there, you’re so sweet 🥲. this entire message is absolutely spot on for me. the harry stuff in particular is really bothering me because in addition to his connection to the azoffs, i feel like were the things that are happening in palestine happening anywhere else, he would have said something at least once… and anne reposted some “i don’t know enough to comment” nonsense a while ago that was originally posted by the founder of choose love (ironic lmfao) and it put such a bad taste in my mouth. feels like he disappeared for a while in hopes that everyone would just forget he exists.

as for louis, yeah the chicken thing was so unnecessary and honestly made him look ridiculous. i’ll forever stand by my belief that he truly does love his queer fans, especially after experiencing the gay megamix last july, but it certainly is a delicate dance between that and whatever the fuck the chicken tweet was 😭. i hope you’ll still be able to enjoy your concerts, though! freddie was literally at mine and he shouted him out but i still had a really good time AND i cried lol.

i’m definitely having a lot of fun being in my stray kids era even though kpop stans are maybe the meanest, most miserable people on the internet… other than that though, it’s nice to be a fan of something without over a decade of the most insane baggage you’ve ever heard of behind it. i’m almost glad kpop idols can’t date publicly lmao. and skz are very sweet, talented and genuine boys and i love them.

anyway, thank you so much for your message! no need to apologize, you and i are definitely on the same wavelength. i wish you all the best right back 💖💖💖

[ashirisu]

Hey, everyone!

My name is Ley (she/they) and I'm a fiction writer/editor based in the PNW. I've been off Tumblr for a few years, but I found myself missing the writing communities I was a part of. I'm excited for the chance to find more people who share my interests!

About Me:

I have a BA in English with a minor in Creative Writing

I identify as queer

I write mostly SFF, but I like genre-hopping and fanfic

I'm a Libra sun, Aquarius moon, Pisces rising

I can feel my neurodivergency in my bones but I don’t yet have a dx on paper

I'd really like to connect with other writers like myself, who got their start in fandom spaces and are working to take their writing from a hobby into a career.

I'll mostly be talking about creative writing on my blog, whether that's talking craft and sharing writing advice or posting my own work. I like to describe my style as "character-forward," which is just a fancy way of saying that I like disgruntled protagonists that think too much.

I'm also absolute fandom trash, so you'll likely see me engaging with a lot of that, too. I wish I could say I’ll be chill about it, but I’ve unfortunately never been chill about anything in my life.

I am always so, so excited to talk about other people's writing projects, so feel free to drop an ask anytime to tell me about your work! I also love to talk way too much about my other interests, so definitely hit me up if you think we have something else cool in common.

My Socials:

tiktok

instagram

my website

I look forward to getting to know you!

[roseandgold137]

For the fandom meme:

F, G, I, N, O, P, Q, R

👀👀👀👀👀👀

F- (edit bc I accidentally deleted this at some point and didn’t notice) Percy Jackson was probably my longest fandom bc I got into it young and I still engage with it pretty regularly. I’m definitely going to buy the sun and the star and I’ve read all the spin off series as well so I’m pretty confident saying that’s my longest fandom. My fav spin off was Magnus Chase

G- okay so as a kid I had like a lot of casual ships but first OTP was probably Percabeth. I submitted a fanfiction of them for a school assignment when I was nine. I think that’s all we really need to hear to know that they’re the answer.

I- I don’t think so? Like. I’ll come back to this if I remember any but I’m pretty sure we’re good on this one

N- okay fandom: dc

I know that in my circle of dc fan logs there’s a lot of Timber content but the wider community seems to still be mostly hung up on TimKon. And I get it, they’d be really cute and all but Timber

More Teen Titans (fab five) bc I think mostly when people talk about the teen titans they’re usually talking abt the cartoon series

put some respect on the names of female characters! And the queer characters! And the poc characters! So many problems in my life could be solved if people weren’t so fixated on the straight white males of the franchise

O- Song is Bubble Pop Electric by Gwen Stefani, it is very Birdflash or really any speedster ship to me, very nice bouncy beat reminds me of Bart also

P- AU: Canary Tim - I’ll elaborate on this bc it is one of my aus and is kind of the reason that some of my second gen bat ocs exist so it’s kind of relevant.

First Black Canary - Dinah Drake. Married Larry Lance, daughter was Dinah Lance, who became the next Black Canary. Do you see where I’m going with this. Tim Drake. Dinah Drake. There’s a very weak connection there technically so I just made Dinah his aunt. Based off of Dinah Drake and Dinah Lance, we can assume the canary meta gene is hereditary, ergo we’ll just send it Tim’s way as well.

He won’t have his activated until his late teens though bc I want him to have atrocious voice control for a good while so he gets shipped off to train with Black Canary until he won’t accidentally deafen everyone around him.

From there, he’ll graduate Robin to become some kind of Songbird. It was originally going to be Galah (bc pink) but I changed it to Blackbird so his kids could call him B and it would be very emotional for Bruce to watch history repeat itself with the nickname and whatnot. Also this way tim gets to keep his red black and gold colour scheme.

that’s the au part but the part where my oc Jasper couldn’t really exist outside of this au is bc he’s a meta with a voice ability, that’s similar to the Canary meta gene but he’s not related to any of them. He’s Australian so he travels to America to look for Black Canary. He can’t find her, he keeps on missing her by like a handful of minutes or hours, but he does find Tim, and at this point he’s fed up of looking for Dinah and settles for the 19-year-old Blackbird in front of him. Tim, who only really got control of his powers around two weeks ago, chooses not to mention his inexperience and accepts that he’s a dad now

okay wow I didn’t expect to ramble that much but yeah that’s basically the au

Q- hate to say it but I don’t really ship stephCass. I used to, but I hc Cass as older by a bit too much for me to comfortable shipping them in my own au yknow? I wouldn’t say I’ve abandoned them completely though, but the only other ships I really could have put here were ones where I saw art of them, thought it looked sort of cute and then found out they were pro ship, so uh

anyways I think they are cute and would absolutely celebrate if they were made canon but it’s not really for me is all

R- hmmmm. Well I’ll start off with one that I think very few people ship. Steph and Bailey, who has one appearance in the Robin/Spoiler Annual. And I know I’m not the only one bc I’m pretty sure it was @aliteralchicken’s blog where I saw them for the first time, if not whoops

I also have a lot of Janet Drake ships bc I love her and given that most people do not love her I think it’s safe to say that Janet x Selina, Janet x Talia and Janet x Dana aren’t exactly popular ships

I’m trying to think of an m/m ship bc sapphic ships are hard to come by anyways, I’m thinking Bart x Preston but that’s mostly bc I haven’t really been looking for content of them so that would make them seem like a rare pair

oh also Darla Aquista/Laura Fell and Ariana Dzerchenko. Idk I think they’d be cute, and Ariana could really only upgrade from Tim let’s be honest

[variousqueerthings]

after 3 straight days of queer movie-watching at the festival (with an interlude to play some football) and my brain being overloaded with Stimulus, feel like I need to compile my thoughts on the experience overall: 

1. lotta DIY work, which is a great reminder that if you want to make, you can + opens up conversation around how institutions do not fund this kind of work (in the UK especially there’s a limit to spaces one can go for funding). the real experimentation/cinematic bravery isn’t happening for half a billion dollars, it’s being done on a shoe-string budget. that being said, one really wishes there was more money to be had in this, simply because it would make people able to live off the work and make much more

2. lot of sports-related stuff, both fiction and documentary, which is funny considering where a lot of my own focus is these days. also got to meet Verity Smith, which was a bit of a hero-moment, and he gave a lot of great info on the state of sports nationally and internationally. and yeah, I got to play football for the first time in 10 years!

3. generally met a lot of great people. I think the idea about “networking” as it’s been presented to me as an artist (including the word itself) is still a big problem, and will always be. it’s got too many concepts baked into it that don’t gel with the kind of work I do in the communities I do it in + my particular flavour of brain, but that being said -- once I realised that there are spaces where meeting/connecting with people in your specific field of work, where this aligns with queer practise of shared needs for what that work represents and is for, then yeah, I kind of got what networking was all about. So I could talk freely about my own work + listen to theirs, and not feel like we were just sussing out how we could use one another to get ahead 

when I was studying, there wasn’t this kind of... idk, discussion of ways that working in an arts industry -- with all of its [waves hands at the microcosm of any and all industries and life that is in the mainstream run by capitalist colonialist patriarchy] many many issues -- can be interacted with from different perspectives, so it’s neat to be able to find ways to do that by simply being in spaces like these

4. watched both wildhood and set it off as my main two fiction features (the others I either couldn’t make it for or missed parts of due to overlapping events). the former feels like a wonderful breath of air + fits into a space of both canadian first nations cinema that I’ve been lucky enough to get to watch, and queer cinema. the movies are getting made and they are good -- one does have to look for them/be active in spaces where they would likely be disseminated, which tbh is also an ethos of artistic engagement + community engagement that I’m very in favour of anyway. in order to get to the deeper stuff, it doesn’t do to simply sit back and wait for it to arrive. it does exist! go find it! 

also the sex scene in it was 👀👀👀 smthinsmthin water as metaphor belongs to the queers

also I’d been wanting to watch set it off for ages, as (only?) the second lesbian crime movie, next to bound. set it off isn’t technically centred on lesbians, but one of the leads is openly shown to be a stud/butch, and she’s respected/liked by her friends. I’m curious about how this film feels to the Black lesbian community and perhaps Black film-goers as a whole, since [spoilers] it’s got a fair bit of police violence and very little in the way of happy endings. 

where I sit with it, is that it’s criminally (ha) underrated and oughta be discussed in the same breath of compelling characters that exist in heat and dog day afternoon -- the bittersweet-at-best tragic ending fits with the general tone of this specific take on the genre (the non-oceans-movies versions tend to have mixed-to-tragic endings), although the violence does hit closer to home/more realistically than in most other heist films. and all the main characters are So So Cool, which is important for a good heist film! 

5. also got to watch two documentaries about older queers, one about the history of the Chicago bar “sidetrack” and the other about older queer people in Ireland. These connections and stories are so vital, and queer-cinema-as-documentation feels like one of the most queer things one can do. We love a documentary, because we’re trying to make sure those connections are built, that we don’t forget our pasts, that we have roots. there are people from whom we have these torches passed, and they’re our elders, even across continents.

also thank you to that lesbian couple acknowledging that young people are really struggling with money in this modern capitalism. definitely feels like it puts the work of the festival I was at into perspective -- with spaces closing and difficulty in renting (especially in cities), we need to find ways to open up spaces for one another

6. also I had a little curated archive piece up there and people said nice things to me about it 😭😭😭