#if I get terminology wrong I am sorry I am doing my best

[sapphire-writes]

Running On Sunshine (hospital AU)

Do No Harm part 3 || masterlist || previous part || next part

pairing: doctor!Aemond Targaryen x doctor!Reader

summary: You haven't spoken to Aemond. Tensions rise between the two of you and come to a head at the arrival of a disruptive patient.

word count: 6.1k

warnings: NSFW mdni medical terminology, use of needles, discussion around addiction (specifically alcohol, rehab, recovery), fighting, blood, punching, explicit sex (p in v) fingering, oral (fem receiving), creampie, praise, dirty talk, spanking, language

dividers by the lovely @firefly-graphics

note: here it is! long-awaited, thank you for being so patient as my brain jumps around 😂 hope you enjoy it!!

disclaimer: yall, I am not a doctor, I am simply a Grey's Anatomy stan. If something is off or incorrect please just suspend your disbelief! I am trying my best to make it as accurate as possible but its just for fun!!

It’s been a few days since your ultimatum with Aemond. 

No texts. 

No calls. 

You pass each other in the halls and avoid eye contact, brushing past him close enough that if you extended your little finger you’d be sure to brush against the back of his hand.

You weren’t going to chase him. 

You’d told him what you wanted. Told him you’d wanted him. And he had stayed silent. If that was the end of you and him, so be it.

But that didn’t mean it wasn’t killing you inside. Watching him day in and day out walking through the halls of Citadel General in those stupid blue scrubs that he somehow wore like he was strutting down a runway not the hallway of a hospital. 

It didn’t help that observations often included surgeries he was a part of. Aemond was a model resident, often asked to assist the attendants. And he was hard to miss, always wearing his signature scrub cap with little dragons peppered all over it, mid-flight. You’d catch him glancing up at the viewing gallery, peering up over his mask every now and then. You never caught his eye, he was much too quick for that. 

“Switch with me,” you’d begged that afternoon after Baratheon had informed you of the plan to observe Dr. Cole’s surgery. There was no way Aemond wouldn't be there, Dr. Cole had chosen him as an obvious favorite. 

You’d been catching up on notes with Cory for the past ten minutes, the pair of you both trying to shove food in your mouths before your pagers inevitably went off. 

Labs. Observation. Notes. Scut work.

The never-ending revolving schedule of your internship. 

Cory reaches into her bag of salt and vinegar chips, clicking her mouse furiously, her brows pinched together in concentration. 

“I can’t,” she says through a mouthful, “Besides, you’ve already done this lab. If I don’t get these hours by the end of the week I’m about to take Jace’s place as Baratheon’s least favorite.”

You groan in frustration, letting your head rest against the keyboard of your computer. Nettles pops her head into the room, frowning at you both, “What’s wrong with her?”

Cory shrugs and you turn your head to face Nettles. 

Beep beep!

Cory groans, checking her pager, “Shit, I gotta go,” she says, crushing her chip bag and logging out of the computer before heading out of the room, “Sorry again, Y/N!”

You mumble something along the lines of don’t worry about it just as she disappears from sight. Nettles raises her eyebrows.

“McDreamy?” she asks, and you continue to pout, “Damn. Dick is so good we should change his name to McDick.”

“You suck,” you tell her, but you can’t stop your smile, “Definitely not your best work.”

“McOrgasm? I’m still thinking of one that truly encompasses the distress he’s causing you. Dr. Cum?” she makes a face, “Okay ew. Definitely not Dr. Cum.”

You groan, putting your face in your hands, “What am I going to do?”

Nettles walks towards you, slapping the back of your head. You lift your head, mouth open in shock, palming the place she slapped.

“Hey! I was recently concussed!”

“And apparently it scrambled your brains more than we thought!” she snaps, “See what you’re not going to do is spend your days moping over Dr. Sexy. I don’t care how good his dick was. You are a doctor. You are an insanely smart woman and you are in your internship.”

Nettles lowers herself to your height, taking your hands in hers. 

“He is very dreamy,” she says, her brown eyes empathetic, “But this is your time to shine. Not his. He’s not this important.”

It hurts---gods does it hurt---but she’s right. And you know it. You’ve been through situations like this before. You’ve gotten through things like this, and worse. Smiling at Nettles you squeeze her hands.

“Thank you.”

“Mhmm,” she says, smiling, “Always here for a reality check. You’re the sun, babe.”

You smile back at her, “I’m the sun.”

“Damn right,” she says, chuckling, “How’s Cece doing?”

“She was discharged this morning,” you tell her, beaming with pride, “Just finished her last round of antibiotics and her labs are clear. I’m working on her note now.”

Nettles plops down in Cory’s seat, reaching into the chip bag she left behind. Her hand comes out empty and she frowns. 

Jace opens the door, looking rather sweaty and discombobulated. He’s been running around the most, trying to get on Barartheon’s good side. 

“Hey,” he says, out of breath, “Can you guys help me in the pit?”

“No can do,” Nettles says, “We’ve got observation soon.”

You nod agreeing, but become curious noticing Jace’s panicked expression.

“Why what’s wrong?” you ask.

“Just…five minutes,” Jace says, “Please, I need someone. And I can’t find Sara and Cory--I just need someone, please.”

You turn to Nettles.

“The pit?” she asks, raising an eyebrow at you, “Really?”

“Tell Baratheon I’ll be there as soon as I can,” you tell her, “Besides, maybe it’s a good case.”

“Girl,” Nettles says, sighing and shaking her head.

“I just really need your help,” Jace says, leading you through the emergency room, weaving between nurses and patients, “It’s just that…I mean I didn’t know the other day but now…”

“Didn’t know what?” you ask as he stops outside a curtain.

“-- he’s back again and family members--,” Jace says, brown eyes wide, “We’re not supposed to work on family members.”

Your eyebrows concave together in confusion when suddenly the curtain pulls back. A man is lying in the hospital bed, a halo of platinum hair cascading onto the pillow he lays on. His eyes are red-rimmed and bloodshot, a lazy grin appearing on his face as he gives you a once-over.

“Nephew,” he sing-songs, giggling, “You brought me a present!”

Jace sighs, pulling the curtain from his grasp. Wait a minute. Nephew? Your eyes scan the giggling man as Jace snaps something at him. The silvery hair, the violet eyes. Seven hells.

How many Targaryens are there?

“Excuse me?”

“He’s kidding,” Jace says, forcing a smile and turning to his uncle, “You’re kidding.”

His uncle shakes his head, lower lip jutting out in a pout, “I’ve never told a joke in my life. She’s pretty Jacey, well done.”

Your cheeks burn at the compliment, at the way his eyes cascade down your body. You’ve never felt more exposed in simple scrubs. 

“Stop calling me that,” Jace snaps, cheeks reddening.

“I didn’t know you had it in you, Jacey boy,” he croons, “Thought Baela had taken your balls when she dumped your ass--”

“Funnier every time I see you, Aegon,” Jace interrupts, closing the curtain once more. 

Aegon’s mouth drops open in surprise before he’s hidden from sight. You raise an eyebrow at Jace, folding your arms across your chest. 

“He’s harmless,” Jace assures you, “Please, please just help get him out of here as soon as possible.”

“Well, that’s sort of difficult when we don’t know what’s wrong--”

“I know what’s wrong.”

You frown, raising an eyebrow at him, “You know?”

“Yeah, he’s fucking drunk. He’s always drunk. Just give him a banana bag, let him sober up, and get him out of here,” Jace instructs.

“How do you know he’s drunk?”

“Considering the fact he hasn’t been sober since I was eight years old, it’s not hard to guess,” Jace tells you, “He’s been to more rehab programs than I can count. Trust me on this.”

“I’m still going to have to do some labs,” you tell him, not willing to go against protocol.

“That’s fine, do what you have to do just…keep him out of the way,” Jace pleads, eyes widening as though he’d just remembered something very important, “And don’t let Aemond know he’s here.”

Your gut tightens at the mention of Aemond.

“Why not?”

“Just don’t. It’s better for everyone if no one knows Aegon is here,” Jace finishes, “Thank you, I owe you big time.”

“Yeah you do,” you confirm, and then Jace hurries out of sight, eager to escape the pit.

The curtain opens once more and you turn, meeting the curious gaze of Aegon Targaryen. You try to stop the scowl that threatens to overtake your face as he grins widely, a mischievous look in his eyes. 

“Ow!”

“Will you hold still!”

“You’re killing me!”

“Stop being so dramatic!”

“It hurts!”

“It won’t hurt if you stay still, Aegon!”

Aegon throws his opposite arm over his eyes as you attempt to find a vein for the third time. He’s too squirmy, too anxious that as soon as the needle pierces his ivory skin he’s flinching away and howling. 

“I’ve seen children do better than you,” you grumble, and he gasps in feigned shock.

“They let you torture children?”

“Hush!” you insist, and to your relief, he’s able to stay still as you start the IV, “There you go. See? That wasn’t so hard.”

Aegon peaks over his arm, glancing down at the tubes as you assemble them properly, making sure the drip is even. He frowns as you release the tourniquet. 

“I bruise like a peach,” he mumbles.

“Sounds like you need more iron in your diet,” you tell him, walking to the other side of his bed. You need to take his blood pressure and begin wrapping the band around his arm. 

“Can I have something for the pain?” he asks.

“No, you may not.”

“Not even Tylenol?”

“No.”

“Hells,” he mumbles, “You should know, I enjoy it when women are mean to me, it turns it on.”

“Of course it does.”

“Mhmm. I eat that shit up.”

You’ve been trying not to look at his face for too long. If you look at Aegon, you’ll start thinking about Aemond. 

You’ve been trying very hard not to think about Aemond.

They don’t really look alike, despite the matching hair and eye color. Though he’s sitting down you can tell Aegon has none of Aemond’s height. He’s soft whereas Aemond is sharp. Their mouths may be the most similar thing about them, both awarded beautifully pouty lips made to be kissed. 

“What’s on your mind, doc?” Aegon says, eyes narrowing.

“Nothing.”

“You’re lying, I’m very perceptive,” Aegon insists, “Come on tell me. What is it? Doctor drama? Boyfriend drama?” Your face must give something away when he asks, because his eyes light up, “Boyfriend drama.”

It’s no use, you can feel your face heating up, “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Fuck off.”

Your head snaps up at him, and you remove the blood pressure sleeve. Discarding it in favor of your stethoscope you place the end against his chest.

“Breathe in.”

“D’you have a girlfriend then?” he relentlessly continues.

“No.”

“A fuck buddy?”

“Hells,” you mumble in frustration, trying to listen to his heartbeat. 

“Please tell me it isn’t my nephew,” Aegon says, making a face.

“What?” you answer, far too quickly, “No! Seven hells, Jace and I are friends! And I do not sleep with colleagues.”

“Everyone sleeps with colleagues,” Aegon argues, “How else do you meet people?”

“That working well for you?”

“Oh I don’t work,” he answers, “That’s boring.”

You choke back a laugh. The man truly is ridiculous.

“Alright then. Well, you’re all set once you’re done with your fluids we’ll check your vitals again and send you on your way,” you tell him, making a note in his chart, “I can have the nurses reach out to some detox programs if you’re interested.”

“I’m not.”

“Look, I understand a bit of your history from what Jace shared. But you should know, recovery isn’t linear, and relapse is completely normal-”

“I haven’t relapsed.”

You blink. 

“Your BAC was 1.06,” you inform him, “That’s more than a little buzzed.”

“I haven’t had a drink since Nyra birthed her last gremlin,” he insists, not elaborating on who Nyra was, “I’m just like this.”

Your eyebrows knit together. He could be lying, you know that. Addiction is one hell of a disease. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” he groans.

“Like what?”

“Like you don’t believe me.”

You’re silent for a moment, just staring into his violet eyes. 

“Your blood--”

“Fuck the labs,” he groans, “They always come back like that. I haven’t taken anything. I haven’t drank anything. Believe me, I’d be much more obvious.”

“How so?”

“Well for starters, a pretty little thing like you wouldn’t be so far away,” he comments, causing goosebumps to rise on your skin, “I don’t know why this happens. I think my body got so used to being fucked up, it just does it on its own now.”

“You’re being serious,” you comment, and he nods.

It goes against everything you’ve learned in med school, and in residency thus far. Your pager beeps and you glance at it. It’s Nettles. You’re supposed to be joining her soon. 

When you hear hooves, think horses, not zebras. 

You chew your bottom lip. Aegon raises a brow, already looking better with the intake of fluids. 

Fuck it. 

You quickly page Nettles, and let her know you’re needed longer in the pit. Hopefully, Baratheon doesn’t kill you for this. 

We’re going with the zebras. 

“Okay so I’m going to send the sample to the lab and see what comes back,” you inform Aegon, “And if you’re being honest with me, we should have some answers for you.”

Aegon swings his legs over the side of the bed. 

“Why would I lie?”

You want to roll your eyes, but you’re sure if you do in his presence once more they’ll fall out of your skull. He gives you a cheeky grin as he notices your exasperation. 

“People lie all the time,” you tell him.

“To you?” Aegon asks, snatching your hand is his, “Never, princess.”

You hear Nettles suddenly, her voice flowing through the ER and your stomach turns. Surely, it's Dr. Baratheon coming to reprimand you for missing observation to spend time in the pit ‘trolling for surgeries.’ The curtain opens then, and to your horror, it’s Aemond who has discovered you rather than Dr. Baratheon. 

His eyes fall to your face first before he turns to Aegon. His gaze drops to your interlocked hands. Something washes over him, his expression cold and calculating. 

“Out,” he says, voice quiet as death. 

Aegon chuckles, but you can hear the nervousness he’s trying to hide. You can see it in the way he wets his lips, the way he pulls his hand from yours.

“Bro…”

“Out, now,” Aemond repeats, “Don’t make me drag you out in front of all these people.”

“Careful now,” Aegon says, standing, “you know how mummy feels about you getting your hands dirty--”

Aemond steps forward, hands fisting Aegon’s shirt and dragging him forward. Your eyes widen in shock and Nettles yelps as Aemond pushes past her, dragging Aegon with him. 

The display has gathered the attention of several nurses and patients as Aemond continues to drag him through the ambulance entrance and out the automatic doors. You and Nettles remain closely on their heels as they exit the hospital.

Aemond releases his hold, sending Aegon stumbling into the road. 

“Seven hells!” Nettles says, a shocked expression on her face. 

Aegon laughs maniacally, bending over with his hands on his knees. He shakes his head several times, like a dog before looking up.

“Go home,” Aemond says, flexing his hand.

“Where’s that?”

“Wherever you’ve been staying I suppose,” Aemond quips.

Aegon is panting, staring at his brother.

“I’d like to see Helaena.”

“That’s not happening.”

“Helaena!” he yells at the sky, “She’s my sister, I know she wants to see me.”

“You’re not shaking her down for any more fucking money,” Aemond says, his voice louder this time, making you flinch, “Go home, Aegon.”

Aegon wets his lips, running a hand through his hair. His eyes meet yours. 

“You’ll call me? With the results?” he asks, and Aemond snorts.

“Another STI screening?” Aemond snarks. 

Aegon’s tongue pokes his cheek, an angry smile on his face. 

“Gotta make sure I’m all clear before saddling up with a fit bird,” he taunts, eyes falling on you as he says it, grabbing his crotch for emphasis. 

Aemond lurches forward his hand connecting with Aegon’s cheek. Nettles and you both scream as Aemond jumps back, Aegon spitting a mix of blood and saliva on the ground. He laughs again, smiling with bloody teeth. 

“Get him cleaned up and get him out of here,” Aemond instructs Nettles, before heading back inside and leaving the three of you standing there.

Aegon’s lip is split, along with a cut on his cheekbone. He spits again, wiping his face and nodding at you.

“No boyfriend eh?” he says, grinning. Your face flushes. 

“I wasn’t lying.”

His grin widens.

“One of us is,” he says, referencing your earlier conversation, “Guess we’ll find out who.”

Nettles approaches him, and he winces. She turns to you.

“You should go see if he’s okay,” she says, nodding to the doors. 

You run back inside leaving Nettles and Aegon, your eyes searching for Aemond. Hurrying to the nurses' station, they inform you which direction he took off in. A nervous sweat breaks out on the back of your neck as you hurry down the hallway. You spot him then, taller than everyone else, watching as he ducks into an on-call room. 

Quickening your pace you follow him inside. It’s quiet as you close the door, besides the sound of a noise machine echoing white noise in the dimly lit space. There are two beds in this room; truly the on-call rooms are in such sorry states. Small twin mattresses with paper-thin sheets and pillows that may as well be pieces of foam. 

Aemond sits on the bed to the left, his head resting in his hands. You close the blinds on the door, flipping the sign that says “Both Beds Occupied” along with flicking the lock. You don’t think he’ll want to be disturbed.

“Aemond,” you say softly. He doesn’t move. The knuckles of his right hand are bloody. 

Taking a step closer, you watch his shoulders rise and fall with the deep breaths he’s taking. Anxiety churns in your stomach, and you take a step back, placing your hand on the handle of the door.

“I’ll just leave you--”

“Don’t,” Aemond speaks quietly for the first time, raising his head. His gaze softens, his eyes somewhat glassy. “Please don’t go.”

Your heart starts to race, but you nod, stepping back toward him. Sitting beside him the bed creaks; you cross your ankles and place your hands on the edge of the bed. Aemond rests his chin on his hands, arms propped on his knees. The pair of you sit in silence for several moments. It begins to rain outside, fat droplets of water beating against the window. 

“You should get that looked at,” you finally say, nodding at his hand. 

Aemond merely hums in response, flexing his fingers. 

“Seriously, you’re a surgeon,” you continue, “What are you thinking, throwing punches like that?”

Aemond glances at his hand, curling and uncurling his fingers, “He brings out the worst in me.”

“Your brother.”

“Mhmm,” he answers, shaking his hand. It’s not as bad as it looks, thankfully. He could have done some serious damage.

“I’m sorry. Jace told me…well I’m just sorry.”

“It’s alright. Someone has to treat him. I’m sorry if he was inappropriate to you.”

“It’s alright,” you assure him, “We don’t get to choose how patients behave.”

“Aegon can be a lot. Take it from someone who knows him rather well.”

“Noted.”

You sit in silence some more. The sky outside has begun to turn dark as clouds roll in, the sound of thunder audible in the distance. A storm is looming.

“I’ve missed you,” he says so softly you almost don’t catch it.

Your hands dig into the side of the bed, your heart pounding against your ribs making your chest feel painfully tight.

“Don’t-”

“Y/N..”

“Please Aemond,” you cut him off, eyes watery, “Please. Don’t say that if you don’t mean it.”

“I do mean it,” he insists, turning his head toward you, “It’s just…Y/N that day I didn’t give you an answer. And you deserve one. I like you. I like you so much. You’re an incredibly intelligent person, funny, adorable, and…” he trails off, shaking his head slightly as he chuckles to himself. 

“And what?”

“And that scares the shit out of me. I haven’t felt this way in a long time. I wasn’t expecting you. When I moved here I just planned on keeping my head down and then….then there was you,” he looked away, his eyes lit up in wonder, “I saw you in that bar, and it was like the sun came out.” 

Your lips part, your stomach flutters pleasantly at his words, and goosebumps erupt on your skin. He glances at you shyly, the tips of his ears tinged pink.

“And then I saw you here and you’re an intern, at the beginning of your residency I just….I mess things up. I don’t want to mess things up for you. Or with you.”

You reach for his hand, lacing your fingers through his, “Okay.”

“But…I miss you. I miss talking to you, kissing you,” Aemond continues, the top of his cheeks turning pink, matching his ears, “You asked me if I’m in or out. I didn’t answer, and I should have. I’m all in.”

“Aemond…”

“If you’ll have me,” he adds, “If you…if you want to give this a try.”

You smile at him softly.

“It’s all I wanted from the start.”

Aemond smiles, leaning toward you and connecting his lips to yours. You sigh against his mouth, as his hand snakes around the back of your neck, keeping you from going anywhere. His tongue runs along the seam of your lips, and you part them eagerly accepting the warm muscle into your mouth. 

Your hands bury themselves in his scrubs as he turns his head, deepening the kiss. His opposite hand reaches for your waist, sliding down to rest on the meat of your thigh. He rubs soothing circles there for a moment, before gripping you hard and pulling you on top of him. 

You straddle his waist as he scoots backward, pressing his back flat against the wall. He breaks the kiss for only a moment, tugging your blue scrub top over your head, before desperately chasing your lips once more. Shivering in the cool air, your nipples harden in your bra. You almost wish you’d worn something a little sexier, the plain black bra making you feel underdressed. 

Aemond eyes your tits like a madman as his skilled hands eagerly unclasp your bra, pulling it from your torso. 

“Should we be doing this--” you gasp, grinding against the hardness between his thighs. 

“Yes, yes we should,” he says, kissing you once more before pausing, his eyebrows knitting together, “Unless you don’t want..”

“No! I mean--fuck, yes, yes we should and I want to,” you whimper as his teeth graze against your neck, “But I mean, here…” Aemond continues his attention to your neck, his perfect mouth nipping and sucking the sensitive skin.

“No one’s coming,” he murmurs, “You locked the door, yes?”

You nod, fingers tangling in the hair at the nape of his neck.

“That’s a good girl,” he murmurs, groaning as you clench your fists, tugging at his hair.

He catches your lips once more and you arch your back, pressing yourself against him trying to get as close as humanly possible. Moaning against his mouth he chuckles softly, the sound reverberating against you. 

“Shh,” he croons, brushing some hair from your face, “You have to be quiet.” He nips your lower lip as he says it, smoothing his tongue along where he bit, “Something you have trouble with, I recall.”

Your cheeks warm at the memory of your first night together, the puddle he’d turned you into with such little effort. Lashes fluttering, you look up at him as he admires you.

“You’ll have to remind me,” you tease, earning a growl from him as he flips you onto your back beginning to pull your scrub pants from your body.

Eager to assist, you kick wildly trying to get the soft material off. Aemond catches your right calf in his large hand, trying to avoid being kicked.

“Careful,” he chuckles, pressing a hot kiss to your calf, helping you out of your scrubs, shoes, and underwear. 

“Sorry,” you manage to say through your giggles as he tosses the ball of clothes toward the opposite bed, “We’re a bit uneven now, wouldn’t you agree?”

Grinning, Aemond pulls his scrub top from his body as thunder crashes outside. The sky has darkened considerably and lightning flashes, illuminating the room. Aemond’s hands travel up your calves, hooking against your knees as he cocks an eyebrow at you. 

“Better?”

Your eyes trace down his exposed front following the planes of his chest, the chiseled outline of his abdominal muscles. You swallow, feeling yourself clench as your gaze rests on the outline of his hard bulge.

Nodding, you take your lower lip between your teeth, dragging your gaze back to his face. Aemond’s breathing is heavy as he sits on his haunches, eyes raking down your naked body.

“Fuck you’re beautiful,” he breathes appreciatively, “Gods…” He lets one hand move up your body, fingers dancing against the skin of your waist, up the side of your ribs to your breast. He explores higher and higher until with a desperate whine you reach up pulling him toward you.

You could kiss him forever.

You want to kiss him forever. 

The hand that rests on your leg curls inward, stroking the soft flesh of your inner thigh before inching higher. Your breathing has started to turn to pants as Aemond lets one of his long fingers part through your silky folds, spreading your arousal. 

“Seven hells,” he groans, swirling his finger against your clit, “All this for me?”

“Mhmm,” you tell him, biting your lip and trembling against him already.

Aemond only smirks, that familiar look of confidence in his eye, “Use your words, baby.”

“Yes,” you tell him, as the tip of his finger sinks inside of you, “Fuck-- just for you.”

“That’s my good girl,” he praises, pushing further inside of you, stretching you out on his forefinger. A second finger soon joins and he scissors the digits against your fluttering walls.

You’re trying to be quiet---really you are trying--- but it feels too good. He’s too precise with his movements, too insistent on bullying that sensitive rough patch that causes your eyes to roll back in your head. “Aemond…I can’t--”

“Shhh baby, I know, it feels too good to be quiet, huh?” he says, voice full of mock sympathy, “Don’t worry, I’ll make you cum really quick, let me take care of you, yeah?”

You nod furiously, a choked moan escaping you as Aemond presses a tender kiss to your forehead. Moving away from you, he keeps up his relentless pace with his fingers as he slides onto his stomach on the bed. Your eyes widen as Aemond glances up at you from between your legs, a cheeky smile on his handsome face. 

“Aem----oh fuck!” your concern is short-lived as Aemond presses his mouth against you.

His tongue traces lazy circles over your clit, groaning, “Hells, I missed this sweet little pussy,” he mumbles, taking the sensitive button between his lips and suctioning around it. 

Throwing your head back against the pillows, your back arches, and your mouth opens in a silent scream. The rain continues to pour outside, the drumming against the window matching that of your racing heart. 

“Oh yeah, I know that’s so good, huh?” Aemond mumbles between licks of your clit, his free hand snaking upwards to grope at your breasts, “Fuck you look so pretty…all whiny and desperate.”

He curls his fingers as he says it, massaging the tender spot inside of you causing your pussy to spasm against his fingers. His tongue traces nonsensical patterns around your clit, his lips sucking and releasing causing lewd wet noises to echo through the room.

“Next time,” he murmurs a quiet promise, “Next time, when I’ve got lots of time…we’ll see how long I can keep you like this.” His fingers pinch your right nipple, tweaking it harshly.

Your belly tenses, muscles constricting against his fingers as he returns his sweet torture on your clit, and you finish with a muffled sob as you turn your head, pressing your mouth against your shoulder. Aemond murmurs soft praises, talking you through your orgasm as your legs shake around him. 

“Fuck, fuckfuckfuck,” you hiss through your teeth as he slowly pulls his fingers from your fluttering pussy, bringing them to his mouth. 

You watch, wide-eyed as he sucks the lengthy digits, moaning at the taste of you.

“Turn around baby,” he says, sitting up, “Put your face in the pillow.”

Shakily, you turn on your hands and knees, before letting yourself fall to your forearms. Aemond slides his hand down your back, admiring the curve of your spine, spreading your cheeks wide. 

“Goddamn,” he murmurs, slapping your cheeks, causing you to yelp, “Sorry, couldn’t help myself.”

“You’re an ass man?” you tease, looking back over your shoulder.

“I’m a ‘you’ man,” he argues, grabbing his length and sliding it against your folds, “Now be a good girl, and let me take care of you.” The fat head of his cock pokes at your entrance.

“Please,” you breathe as he starts to slide in. Aemond pauses, groaning slightly.

“Fuck baby, you can’t say that all sweet right now,” he growls, “We don’t have time.”

“Please, put it in,” you whimper, cheek pressed against the pillow, drool forming a wet patch under your cheek.

Aemond’s hand cracks down on your ass once more, “Be a good girl you little brat.”

You whimper, your begging ceasing as he slides fully inside your tight, wet heat. The stretch of his fingers was nothing compared to his thick cock. Your walls tense around him, pulsating around his thick length as he bottoms out. Rocking backward, he slides nearly all the way out before thrusting back in. 

Electricity bursts through your veins, pleasure crackling through your limbs like the lightning outside of the window. The force of his thrusts sends your face deep into the pillow, muffling the sharp cries of pleasure you emit. You couldn’t stop if you wanted to, it feels too fucking good, the head of his cock rubbing ceaselessly against your g-spot as he ruts against you; he’s grunting softly, muttering praises all the while, his fingers digging into your hips. 

“Fuck,” he gasps as your knees slide down, legs shaking so bad you’re unable to keep them upright, “It’s okay baby, just relax I got you.”

Your legs bend against the mattress, thighs splayed, hip flexors burning with the deep stretch it awards you. Aemond never relents, just continues to slap his hips against the softness of your ass, his cock sliding effortlessly in and out, in and out.

“Aemond,” you moan, “Fuck it feels--”

“Yeah?” he groans, “How’s it feel baby?”

“S-s’good, Aem, fuck, it’s so good,” you whimper, hands fisting the sheets, the bed shaking with every harsh thrust. 

The bed grinds against your sensitive nipples and clit sending sparks of pleasure burning through you.

“Gonna make this pussy feel so good,” he says, leaning some of his weight on top of you, his face next to yours, “Gonna take you home after our shifts, you’d like that, yeah?” His arms hold him up, propped on either side of your head. 

“Yes, fuck please,” you agree, turning your face, and feeling him press a kiss to your shoulder blade.

“Gonna have you ride my face,” he promises, dragging his nose between your shoulder blades, “Wanna make that pussy feel so good, till you can’t fucking take it anymore.”

“Fuck Aemond,” you shiver with delight at his filthy words, at the promise of a repeat of the first night you’d been together. A promise of more. 

“Missed you too much,” he murmurs against your shoulder, sending warmth pooling in your belly, “Need you close to me.”

“I missed you,” you whimper, “Fuck, need you so bad.”

“I’m all yours,” he says, nearly whimpering himself, “Fuck baby, you’re so tight, feel so good clenching around my cock.”

“Yeah?” you ask, lifting your head slightly, and glancing back through hooded eyes.

Aemond maneuvers himself, leaning to capture your lips in a sloppy, heated kiss as he continues to pound into you. 

“Fuck….c’mon baby, one more time,” Aemond encourages as heat winds a tight coil of pleasure in your belly, “Can’t have my baby only cumming once, now can I? Come on, that’s a good girl.”

The pitch of your cries increases and you slam your face against the pillow to muffle your strangled cry as your whole body tense, pussy constricting like a vice around his cock as you come. It’s intense, it burns with a brutal passion that paints stars behind your eyelids. 

Aemond’s thrusts become sloppier and with a few more slaps of his hips, you feel his cock pulsate inside of you and the warmth release of his cum filling you up. You turn your cheek from the pillow, your body tingling with the remnants of your orgasm as you suck in a breath. Gently, Aemond pulls out of you, peppering kisses down the length of your spine as he does so. 

You hum happily as he slides out, placing his hands under your thighs and maneuvering you out of the frog-like position you were previously in. Your hip flexors ache, but it’s a good pain--well worth being fucked into the mattress. Aemond turns you on your back, brushing some hair from your sweaty forehead. 

“Hey there,” he says softly. The room is quiet, the rain has stopped. “Are you alright?”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever walk right again,” you tell him with a content sigh, “but that aside, I’d say I’m more than alright.”

Aemond chuckles, thumb smoothing your cheekbone, making you lean into his gentle touch. 

“Hold on,” he murmurs, standing up, walking to the adjacent bathroom, and flicking on the light. 

You watch him walk away, admiring his ass. He’s got a rather nice one. You hear him turn the water on and a moment later he returns with a washcloth. Not trusting yourself to stand, you simply spread your legs and let him clean up the remains of your combined releases. Your hips jerk as he carefully brushes against your swollen clit causing him to release a breathy laugh.

Beep beep!

The noise snaps you both out of your post-coital bliss bubble and you hurry to find your clothes. Aemond reaches for his pager, desperate to get his scrubs on. 

Beep beep!

It’s your pager this time. Shit, Baratheon must be pissed. 

Both of you scramble, switching scrub tops as Aemond accidentally tries to put on yours, causing you to erupt into a fit of laughter that is only stopped when he grabs you by the waist and pulls you in for a heated kiss. 

“Stop, stop,” you beg, pushing against his hard chest, “Shit we have to go.”

“One more--”

“You’re insatiable--”

“Oh I’ll show you insatiable,” he says, lips tugging upwards in a smirk, “You just wait until tonight.”

Your cheeks burn as you yank on your bottoms, fixing your hair. Sex hair is not an option, not when Baratheon will be up in arms about your disappearance. Glancing at your pager, you read what it says before clipping it to your waist. 

“Okay, I gotta go,” you tell him, shoving your feet into your sneakers.

“Meet me in the lobby? When you’re done?” he asks, unable to hide his smile as you walk to the door on trembling legs.

“Okay,” you tell him, leaning forward, pressing a quick kiss to his lips, “And we could get dinner?” 

“Anything you want,” he says, cupping your cheeks and kissing you again, “Anything” another kiss, “At” and another one, “all.”

You hum happily, placing your hand over his, your entire body warming with his affection.

“I’ll see you then,” you tell him, unwillingly pulling away and unlocking the door.

You leave first, Aemond leaving a few moments later. Watching as he fixes the collar of his scrubs, you find yourself beaming. Aemond turns, catching your eye before turning down the hall, a small smile playing on his lips.

Gods, this is going to be a long shift.

note: hope you liked it!! LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!

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[cripplecharacters]

hi!! I have a character I created when I was a teenager who I am currently revamping for a new project, but I am stumped for how to fix a big mistake I made at the time. I based this character's appearance on my best friend in high school, who had a growth disorder/facial difference.

at the time, I asked him how he would describe himself in writing, and his examples were phrases like "a boy with a malformed jaw" or "misshapen fingers". I recognize that if this were his own project, he would be totally allowed to say whatever he wanted about a character who had his disability, but I am not a person with a facial or limb difference, so I feel like I need to change the phrasing. I would ask him for his opinion again, but he passed away a couple years ago, so it's not possible for me to find out what he'd like me to change.

I still want to include this character and make it clear what he looks like, because it's important to me that I represent him in my writing in some way. However, I don't think he was misshapen or malformed. I don't know what words I can use instead to communicate exactly how he appeared, and I'd really like some insight for how to describe him appropriately and with the respect the friend this character is based on deserves. Please help!

For reference, the character we designed had a mix of both our disabilities' symptoms, and we did not give him any specific diagnoses at the time because of this. The character used a wheelchair because I did, the character had crooked fingers and uneven legs because he did, the character was nonverbal because we both were, had an overgrowth of tissue on his face because my friend did, and the character was epileptic because I was. I am not sure how relevant all of that is, but I figured I'd include it. Sorry if this ask is rambling, I am trying my best to be detailed

-🦴🏴‍☠️

Hi!

I don't think it'd necessarily be wrong to describe your character as such if the person he's based on used that as his self-description. I probably said this somewhere on this blog before, but I always think that “a character with less than perfect terminology portrayed well” is much better than “horrible representation, but they used the 'proper' term”. And if that's what he said about himself, this might just be the “proper” term in this context.

But I do understand that you might want to go another way, especially considering you said that you didn't see your friend as having something malformed or misshapen about him - so how did you see his differences? Maybe “a boy with 'an overgrowth of tissue on his face'” - as you described in the last paragraph - would work?

In writing, I generally think it's helpful to be more specific than not when it comes to character descriptions. So you could get more technical (all random examples);

“an asymmetric lower jaw, with the right side larger and protruding forward,”

“had a left leg that was slightly longer, with the hip tilted upward,”

“his fingers bent towards the other ones, curving like the letter C and overlapping with each other at the tips,”

or, you could go halfway, using the words that your friend used himself;

“he happened to have a malformation on his jaw; a soft mass decorated his chin throughout its length,”

“crooked fingers, each having a slight bend to it.”

If you decide to go for the original terminology, I would expand on what exactly the reader is supposed to imagine by it - there's a few ways to not have a facial difference, and a billion ways to have one. You don't need to go into way more detail than you do for other characters, but it'd be good to be informative enough so that the reader doesn't end up wondering “malformed in what way?”. In my opinion, “overgrowth of tissue” (or any other wording that would provide this amount of information) would be completely sufficient for this role.

I will also say that “malformed” and “beautiful/handsome/adorable” are by no means antonyms as words! One can have a disfigured nose that's incredibly cute, misshapen legs that look great in shorts, or an attractive malformed jaw. That's very much doable in writing, and would help here with making sure you're not portraying it as negative in some way.

There is also the option of using more medicalized terminology (“hypertrophied”, “clinodactyly”, etc.) but it might both not be the most comfortable to use, as well as confusing to some readers if there's no other descriptor given. It also might be awkward in writing, especially if that'd be the only time this kind of terminology would come up. But if you're up for this;

“the clinodactyly on his hands caused the fingers to curve toward each other,” or

“the hypertrophied tissue stretched from his left earlobe to the chin, with freckles adoring it along the way,”

or something along those lines could work, I think.

I'd also try to describe other “non-difference” features as well, perhaps even at the same time. There's a ton of ways you could go about it, but the general idea is to bring up his difference as a complete non-event - something that's so normal that it's not needed to give it a separate description;

“the bright red wheelchair had one footplate set much higher to accommodate for his short right thigh,”

“her eyes were drawn to his hands, with each colorful nail making a clicking sound whenever his overlapping fingers moved,”

“he grinned widely after noticing that his facial hair has fully filled in behind the soft overgrowth on his chin,”

“the sunflower tattoo on his larger leg was still slightly red, but the cat on the thin right one already looked fully healed.”

Obviously all the examples here are random, but hopefully they will help you figure out what kind of description you want to employ.

Either way, it's clear that you're approaching this with a lot of care and good intentions and that's what really matters. I hope this was helpful and I wish you good luck in your writing!

mod Sasza

[edgeray]

Hello Again, Ray! 🐴 Anon here once more. If you're OK with writing it, could I please request a sequel to "How to (Horse)Ride Into Your Heart".

This time, the plot involves Reader helping Arlecchino & Nyx (her Friesian mare) practice Dressage. Arlecchino is already getting good at performing Dressage techniques thanks to Reader's teaching skills. Arle cuddles with Nyx and gives the Friesian sugar cubes as treats for doing so well. Arle also taught the Friesian Nyx to rear up on her hind legs, much to Reader's surprise and delight. Nyx is rather irritated at being made to rear up on her hind legs, but Arlecchino soothes the Friesian down by giving her a cuddly hug.

A little while later, Arlecchino decides to enter a dressage competition with Reader's support. Soon enough, Reader happily helps her Friesian Nyx & her girlfriend Arle train & practice for the Dressage competition. Nyx gets her mane braided by Arle too.

Naturally, Arlecchino & Nyx easily win the dressage competition, especially thanks to Nyx being taught by Arle to rear up. Reader congrats both Nyx & Arlecchino for winning. Arlecchino wants to enter more dressage competitions and she asks Nyx if she is alright with that. Nyx happily nickers in agreement as Arlecchino laughs & cuddles with the Friesian horse.

I am more than happy to provide any assistance if you need any help with writing this. Thank you again, Ray!

How to (Horse)Ride Into Your Heart Part 2

(Arlecchino x Fem! Reader)

A/N - Part 1 link here Hi 🐴 Anon! Nice to see you again. Whoo… part 2, alright. I had to consult my horse-girl friend again for help ^^. She provided me with a lot of stuff that I probably won't be using for my own comprehension sake but it's the thought that counts <3. I tried my best to write this! Thanks for spelling out the whole plot! It makes it a lot easier. Otherwise, I would not know how to write this haha. 🫶 hope you enjoy thisI am so sorry this took so long to post out… forgive me if I get any terminology wrong or this is inaccurate.  Content warnings / info - author pretends to know what dressage is or how to write horses, arle is ooc, reader is fem!, 1.1k words

“That was a nice job!” You applaud as you clap, a bright smile on your face as your Friesian horse, Nyx, trots towards you, with your girlfriend riding her. “Really nice. I told you that you're a genius.” 

Your girlfriend slightly grins, and as she approaches closer you can see a faint flush on her cheeks. She slides off of Nyx, before petting her mane. Nyx nuzzles against her in response. 

“I'm nothing of that sort,” she dismisses the comment with a wave of her hand. “You're just a good teacher and Nyx is well… Nyx.” 

Nyx knickers, and sometimes you swear that she can understand the two of you. You wouldn't be surprised, Nyx is a magical beast of her own, you suspect. You nod your head in response, understanding completely with Arlecchino's sentiment. The Friesian struts towards you, nudging you with her muzzle. 

“You want treats, Nyx?” Arlecchino offers and the horse lets out an affirmative neigh. You let out an amused huff and reach into the pouch that's attached to your belt, opening it to reach for the sugar cubes–Nyx's favorite. You offer a few to Arlecchino. 

Your girlfriend gently strokes the horse's withers with one hand as she holds out her other hand for the horse to eat from. 

“How were my techniques?” Arlecchino asks as the horse chews away. 

“It’s getting pretty good. A few more hours of practice and you'll have them nailed down like I do. I'm honestly surprised you were able to get her to rear her legs.”

She bobs her head as a gesture of acknowledgement. “Good surprise?”

“Yeah. It's impressive. Nyx doesn't like doing it a whole lot.”

“Consider the sugar cubes as a bribe,” Arlecchino states with a playful glint in her eyes. She turns to the black horse again. “All done, Nyx?” 

The horse exhales through her nostrils as a sign of ‘yes.’ Arlecchino slowly wraps her arms around the Friesian's neck gently, embracing her. 

“You did great today. Good job,” Arlecchino softly praises Nyx, to which your heart melts at the sight and you wordlessly coo at the adorable scene. Nyx and Arlecchino have gotten along so well in the almost-year that they knew each other. Contentment fills you with the knowledge that your girlfriend adores your horse so much, giving her the attention that Nyx deserves.

You join the embrace with the other two, and the three of you remain like that before you eventually pull away, and you glance at the skyline. Seems like it was approaching dawn. Best call it a day. Arlecchino notices as well as she says “Should we lead Nyx back to her stable?”

“Yeah.” Grasping Nyx’s reins, you guide Nyx back with Arlecchino by your side. Once Nyx is secured and comfy in her stable, the two of you give her your final cuddles for the day (and Arlecchino sneaks in one more sugar cube) before the two of you head to your house, a quaint yet snug establishment connected to the horse pasture. Arlecchino moved in a month or two ago, so now the two of you share the space.

“Feel like making dinner?” Arlecchino asks you as she clasps your hand in hers while you two walk.

You shake your head. “Not up to it. You okay with yesterday's leftovers?” 

“Mhm. I'm glad we didn't burn down the kitchen making pasta.” 

“We didn't burn down the kitchen…” you giggle sheepishly. “We… just lit some stuff on fire.” 

Arlecchino hums and pecks you on the cheek. “Sure. Let's go with that story, dear.” 

Even with the hundreds, if not thousands of kisses you've shared with her, you still can't help but flush. You two finally enter the house; you prepare the silverware and utensils while Arlecchino takes out the leftovers from the fridge and reheats them in the microwave. 

“Say, I was thinking about something,” Arlecchino starts as she waits for the microwave. 

“Yeah?”

“You know when you first took me to your Dressage tournament?”

“Mhm. What's up with it?”

“Well… I asked you to teach me how to dressage because I thought I'd want to enter those tournaments myself.”

You cock your head but a grin spreads across your face. “Really? That's great Arlecchino. I'm sure Nyx would love it.”

“You wouldn't mind that I'll be doing it with Nyx?”

“Of course not. Nyx loves you as much as she loves me. We practically share custody over her,” you joke but the message is stated clearly. “I'd love to help you guys train for it.” 

“I think it's more me that needs training,” Arlecchino comments with a light chuckle. “Do you know when the next nearby Dressage competition starts?” 

“I think in a few months. Guess we better start training as much as possible.” 

“Nyx won't enjoy that too much,” your girlfriend jests. 

“She gets her sugar cubes, she'll be fine.” 

— 

Competition day comes rather quickly. Arlecchino polished up her technique with Nyx where the Friesian horse rears up on her own hind legs, along with some other techniques that you taught Arlecchino how to do; Nyx already knows how to do these ones considering these were the ones you taught Nyx when you previously competed. 

It felt bizarre and out of place to be the spectator this time. You've always been used to being down here, leading Nyx and showing her off, but you aren’t competing this time. Though with this strange feeling, there’s this undeniable pride inside of you, for your girlfriend. You’ve personally trained the two of them, you know that they're both going to do well regardless of where she places. 

Seeing Arlecchino step out with Nyx down here, you couldn't help but cheer, even over the sports commentator. Arlecchino turns her head towards the direction of your voice and gives you a handsome smile, one that makes you want to scream that she's your girlfriend to the whole world. Seeing her down there, you couldn't believe that this was her first time from the sheer confidence she exudes–unlike your first time when you competed. That's just like her. Able to overcome anything, just like how you know she'll win this competition easily.

And she does. Each technique is flawless and the audience's cheers are deafening when she performs the one she personally taught Nyx– the rearing. That's why it comes to no surprise to you when Arlecchino wins. 

“I can't believe you won your first competition ever,” you laugh as you launch yourself at the competition winner, squeezing her in a tight hug, before gently wrapping your arms around Nyx’s neck, stroking her mane. “Still hungry for the taste of victory?” 

“Hm… I was considering doing another competition. What do you say, Nyx?” Arlecchino smiles as she turns to the Friesian, stroking her withers. Nyx nickers happily, nuzzling in between the two of you's faces. You and Arlecchino laugh, enjoying one another's company and glory. 

[idontplaytrack]

Band-aids, candy or me

Janis ‘Imi’ike x trans reader(FTM)

Warnings: fluff, some coarse language, mentions of needles/injections

In which, a forgetful reader fails to take their necessary shots if it weren’t for Janis. So Janis had to think of a way to motivate you

I hope I did your request justice, please correct me if I’d used any wrong terminologies. I have never written anything like this before and did the most research I could to educate myself prior to this but I am still learning.

You’d been dating Janis for several months. Ten to be exact. But you two have been friends for years— since you two were in middle school. She’s been with you through it all and has been incredibly supportive of your journey. Janis has stuck with you through thick and thin, and when you were with her, you felt you had no worries in the world. She’s always been there for you even through her worst days where Regina George had been making fun of her together with the whole school. Yeah, things were terrible, but you two knew that you’d always have each others backs. Your family was fortunately supportive, but nothing compares to what you felt with Janis. That was a whole other level of love.

You and Janis naturally got from the best friends stage to dating so naturally that you two didn’t even realise it until she confessed. Damian was and has always been yours and Janis’ biggest supporter. And you two loved him for that. The process was daunting at first because it was so new to you- you had to learn a lot about it and make sure everything was done right and safely. You knew it was the right thing for you, and Janis was undoubtedly there by your side every step of the way. Right now, the worst part of it all was the shots you had to give yourself.

You’ve always been forgetful and Janis always had to remind you repeatedly just so you wouldn’t forget to take them. After awhile, she got a little, creative.

“How about every time you get the shot, I’ll give you a kiss?” She grins playfully, tiptoeing to meet your lips.

You chuckled at her cuteness— something others never got to see. It was great, like your own little secret.

“Mm, no.” You played along, grabbing the bottle and a needle, preparing those and yourself for the shot.

“Oh, no? What do you want then?” She chuckles, helping you with them before you even started.

You bit back a grin, watching her carefully so that the dosage was correct. You never doubted her anyway, but even you yourself had to be extra careful. “How about a little sweet treat afterwards and a kiss?” You suggested jokingly.

“Sure!” Her face lit up, “So, what? Candy, chocolate? Ice cream?”

“Really? I’ll think about it.” You laughed. She helped you with the injection and disposed the sharp object before returning to your side, handing you a bandaid.

“You know I don’t necessarily need one, right?” You took it from between her fingers and put it over the spot anyway.

“I know. But it’s a fun pattern- I thought maybe it could make you look forward to it a little more- I get that getting shots makes you a little nervous.”

“Thanks, baby.” You smiled. She does the same, then pressing a kiss to your cheek. You asked for one on the lips and she delightedly gave it to you.

Janis kept to her word and always gave you a kiss, bandaid and a sweet treat after your weekly shots. It’s taken an important thing and given it some form of…intimacy. She could easily just helped you with the shot itself and called it a day, but no- she decided to make it a thing. She’s always been go big or go home, which you loved.

“Thanks, babe.”

“Don’t even mention it, my love.” She grabs your hand, pressing a kiss on them before letting go and continuing to eat her ice cream.

“Aw, you got ice cream on my hands.” You sulked playfully.

“Sorry.” She gives you a sheepish grin, sticking the spoon back into the dessert.

“But seriously- thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I really am so grateful for you, Jan.”

“I love you.” She answered earnestly, “That’s why. So much.”

“I love you too, baby.” You told her, giving her a tearful smile.

“Don’t cry, babe. Why are you crying?” Her voice was soft as she handed you a napkin for your forming tears.

“Oh, these are happy tears.” You assured, taking the napkin, “You make me feel so safe and happy and loved, Janis. You always have. Always.”

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Falling for You | Choi Yeonjun

Summary: You like Yeonjun, and he knows it. But what happens when you figure out he just might like you too? Pairing: f!reader Noona x Yeonjun, f2l (age gap 2 or 3 years, take your pick lol) Word Count: 3.6k a/n: I am so so so so so sorry to my anon that sent this a while ago! I hope it was worth the wait <3 p.s. not edited well because I was happy I finished it and wanted to post it asap! Let me know what you think!~

"I didn't know you were such an adrenaline junkie" Yeonjun says while fastening my harness and pulling the straps tighter, making sure everything is secure. "Why do you say that?" I ask, ultimately knowing but not wanting to admit it. "Well you've been here like 4 time since I started working here and I just started last month" he says laughing at what he probably believes is my clueless nature. "I don't know, it's exhilarating. Plus it was my first time so I don't know I guess I've been addicted ever since" I finish off getting a bit defensive but ultimately it's the truth. 

"You know, in another context that could sound really dirty" he teases making my cheeks heat up. "Yeonjun!" I scold hitting his arm, looking around to make sure no one had heard him. "What? Am I wrong?" he says, clearly loving my reaction. "No you're not but aren't you supposed to be acting professional while at work?" I question, crossing my arms over my chest. He ended up getting a job at an adventure park with bungie jumping, sky diving and zip lining, amongst other not so extreme activities.   

"Yeah but I don't need to act professional in front of you because you're my friend right?" he laughs, making excuses for himself. "Yes we're friends but still!" I argue, "Aw are you getting shy?" he teases, tilting his head at me. "You wish" I say scoffing at him, fed up with his cocky attitude already. Deep down though he knows I'm loving this...and that's the dangerous part. 

I like Yeonjun, and he knows that. I've liked him for years but we've never actually addressed it and he hasn't acted on it. Which pretty much shows me he doesn't feel the same way. So this is what we do, I act like I can't stand him but go out of my way to not so subtly be around him. Where as he does everything in his power to tease me until he gets a reaction out of me. Which honestly isn't very hard when it comes to him. 

That's been our friendship dynamic for years now and I don't want to mess that up, even if it means that we can't be together the way I want us to. "You ready to go? You know the drill so if you're all set I'll get you hooked up" he says referring to the zip lining contraption. You know, I might've been here multiple times already but I still don't know any of the proper terminology besides harness and carabiner, the latter being one Yeonjun had made fun of me for calling it 'the clippy thing' just today.

"As ready as I'll ever be" I say taking everything in. "Hey, you've done this before so don't let it psych you out" he says in a softer tone, placing a hand on my chin and pulling my face back over to his, my eyes now focusing on the floor not wanting to make eye contact with him. "Eyes on me Pretty" he says and I snap my eyes up to his but take a step back when I start choking on air. 

"Cute" he chuckles at me before bringing me back over to get hooked onto the zip line. I walk with him and let him drag me along, still caught off guard by the pet name and end up overthinking and spacing out until I get to the front of the line. "Oh hello again!" the girl that works on getting people ready to go on the line says. We've spoken a few times and she seems really nice but sometimes I get a bit insecure seeing her interactions with Yeonjun. 

"Hey!" I respond, still kind of unsure if I want to do this again. "Hey!" Yeonjun yells over to me, "Just close your eyes when you take off and count to 10 then open your eyes, that's when the best part comes into view". I nod my head at him and turn back around to face the girl as she helps me get connected. 

"You and Yeonjun seem pretty close" she says, clearly fishing for information. "Yeah we've been friends for a few years so I guess you could say that" I say. "Oh you guys are just friends? I could've sworn you were his girlfriend" she says with her brows slightly pinched together. "What would make you say that?" I ask, my heart beating a little faster. "I mean he talks about you all the time so I thought that maybe..." 

"Oh no, yeah we're um, yeah we're just friends" I say awkwardly after gaining that new piece of information and looking back over to him. "You know, if you like him you should ask him out" she says following my gaze to see him smiling and laughing with another one of their coworkers. "No I couldn't, plus I'm a few years older so I don't know" I say getting kind of embarrassed at the fact that I've admitted that I have a crush on a younger guy, and not only that but a close friend that's a younger guy.

"Wouldn't that be a bit weird?" I question, bringing my attention back over to her. "I don't think so. I mean it's not like you're 40 years old or something. Two or three years isn't that bad. Just think about it, I've seen you here so many times and I know for a fact that you both would make a really cute couple" she finished.

"I don't know about that" I say still turned towards her. "Don't know about what?" Yeonjun says sneaking up on me. "Don't sneak up on me like that! Do you see how far that fall is?" I scold and point towards the forest hundreds of feet bellow us. "You would've been fine silly. Plus you're already hooked up to the line. What's been taking you so long? I thought you went already" he asks, puzzled and looking back and forth between me and his coworker that I had been talking to.

"We were just catching up a bit" she says with a smile making an easy excuse. "You know Summer" he asks, speaking to me while pointing at the girl that I now know as Summer. "Yeah I've helped her out a few times since she's been here" she says and he nods, pacified with that answer. 

"So are you ready to go now?" he asks, double checking what I can assume is my harness, making sure I'm as safe as I can be. "I guess so" I answer again, kind of losing the thrill of the activity because of what Summer had just told me. 'Should I really ask him out?' I think to myself. "Noona?" he calls for me. "Huh? Did you say something?" I ask, feeling bad that I had spaced out on him. 

"I asked if you would like me to go with you? We can race if you want! Then I'll walk you over to the next thing you have planned. Skydiving right?" he asks trying to recall my agenda for the day. "No not yet, after this I'm going bungie jumping and then sky diving to finish out the day" I say filling him in once again.

"Sorry, with so many people that come here I sometimes get things mixed up" he says sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck which is strange since things like these aren't usually what gets him acting like this. In fact I don't think I've ever seen him act like this "It's fine Yeonjun don't worry about it. So are we gonna race or not?" I ask deciding to just move past what could turn into an awkward conversation. "Sure, just give me a sec and I'll put on a harness" he says and runs off to do as he's said. 

"Did you see that?" Summer asks, "See what?" I question back. "How he wanted to help you when you get to the other side and how he offered to race you to make you less scared and how embarrassed he got with the fact that he forgot the order you're going in today, how much he lit up when you asked him if he still wanted to race how-" "Okay Summer, okay I get it" I laugh cutting her off. "Well, if you don't ask him out soon then I'll ask him out for you if you want?" she questions trying to help me out. 

"That would be even more embarrassing than just doing it by myself" I say shaking my head and getting nervous just thinking about it. "What would be embarrassing?" Yeonjun asks, this time thankfully not sneaking up me. "Nothing don't worry about it. You ready?" I ask, trying to run away from this conversation. "Yeah um, sure" he says getting even more suspicious with us than he had been before. 

"Just think about it okay?" Summer says when she comes back around after double checking Yeonjun's connection for him and now triple checking mine for an excuse to encourage me one last time to which I just nod and get myself mentally prepared for this zip line as well as the prospects of potentially asking him out myself. "Alright guys, three...two...one...GO!" Summer yells and we both set off with Yeonjun just a second faster than me, already gaining a clear lead. 

"Hey that's not fair!" I yell, laughing at his awkward position which makes him go a lot faster, knowing that I wouldn't dare do something like that. "Hurry up then!" he says going back to sitting normally to which I take advantage of and decide to try out what he had been doing before, zooming past him. "Noona! Not fair!" he whines behind me and tries his best to catch up. "Hurry up then" I tease using his own words against him and this all goes on back and forth until we finally reach the end with me finishing just a second or two before him. 

"I took it easy on you" he says making excuses for his loss. "Sure you did" I taunt, knowing full well that he pretty much did. "That's the last time though! I want a rematch!" he demands, needing to regain a sense of pride. "Maybe next time, come on let's go!" I say excitedly and drag him right along with me. 

The walk to the bungie jumping area isn't too far off and it's spent still bickering with each other about the results of the race. "Fine you won, but I'm gonna go upside down when we go bungie jumping and then I'll win this round" he says and speeds up, trying to get there first. "Hey! You can't win at bungie jumping, you either jump or you don't jump, that's it." I argue, failing to see his logic. 

"Yeah but we can one up each other" he retorts and gets in line. "Fine, then I'll go upside down too" I say once I catch up to him. "Wait really?" he asks, completely surprised that I would even say that, let alone go through with it. 

"Why? Are you trying to get me to back out so you can win?" I say raising a brow at him. "So there is a winner" he says and pokes my side, to which I return with a slap of his arm. "By your logic, yes there is. But if we both go upside down then it's a tie which means I'm still in the lead" I say, satisfied by the outcome, but only if I actually do it.

"Do you want to go first or should I?" he asks. "Is that even a questions? You go first" I say and push him in front of me in line. "Fine but don't chicken out after I go because you think it's 'too scary' he says in air quotes. I give him a sarcastic smile and a wack him in the arm as a response. "OW!" he yell, obviously playing it up. "Well then stop making fun of me and just go" I say showing him it's his turn already.

I watch every step they take in hooking him up to make sure I'll be mentally prepared for my turn. "You got this loser" I yell as encouragement after they put him in position and he does nothing but smile in response. "Alright you ready?" the worker asks and Yeonjun sends a quick nod before they give him a countdown from three and drop him a few seconds afterwards. I lean forward a bit to try to get a better look at him but by his screaming and laughing alone I can really tell he's having a great time.

"Noona oh my gosh that was so fun!" he says coming over and giving me a hug enveloping my whole body, probably in an effort to steady himself on his feet. "You ready?" he asks with a huge smile and I can't help but laugh and say yes after seeing how happy he seems. A few seconds later though, that's another story. 

"Wait Yeonjun, can't I just go the regular way?" I plead, questioning all of my life choices up until this moment. "Nope, you promised me that you would do it if I did" he scolds. "I did no-" "Shhh" he quiets me before telling the guys I'm ready to go. They start placing everything they could possibly need to to keep me from dying on my ankles as well as answer any of my questions and assuring me I'll be fine. 

"Hush you'll be fine, just tell them when you're ready" Yeonjun says, peer pressuring me into doing it. "Fine" I mumble before letting the guys know. As they start to hoist me up into the contraption that drops me I shut my eyes trying to imagine myself anywhere but here. "Noona open your eyes!" to which I shake my head just enough for him to notice, not daring to make any sudden movements. 

"Open your eyes or I'll kiss you" he yells and at that my eyes open as wide as they possibly could seeing him with a smug smile before giving me the countdown. "Three..." "Yeonjun no!" "Two" "No stop I'm done playing get me down!" and before I hear him say one I feel myself drop and get the wind knocked out of me. Once I regain some air in my lungs after the first bounce I start to scream which slowly turns into laughing like crazy just as Yeonjun had done moments before. 

"How was it? It was amazing right?" he says with a huge smile on his face, still so amused at my reactions before the drop. "OW!" he says rubbing his forearm after having hit him for a second time. "Next time listen to me!" I say and try to take a step but stumble backwards a bit, still needing to regain my center of gravity. "Careful there" Yeonjun says pulling me back up by my harness. 

My eyes widen at the proximity between us now and I look up at him and he leans closer until his nose brushes against mine with my eyes closing shut getting flustered by everything about him. "I guess I shouldn't kiss you since you opened your eyes back there huh?" he whispers and before I'm able to process what he's said he's already ten steps ahead of me. 

"Hey!" I yell and jog to catch up with him. "What was that about?" I ask him with a deep crease between my brows which he puts his thumb on to encourage me to stop furrowing my brows. "What was what about?" he asks, playin dumb. 

"You know, all that kissing talk" I say deciding not to shy away from the subject. "Why? Did you want me to kiss you Noona?" he asks with a devilish smile with his eye facing forward keeping an eye on where we're going. "I didn't say that" I retort, unamused with this entire conversation but taking advantage to look up at his side profile nonetheless. "Sure you didn't. Race you to the airport!" he says and takes off running. "Hey! No fair!" I yell and run after him anyways even with no chance in hell of beating him.

"Took you long enough" he says cheekily, already having the chance to catch his breath while waiting for me. "Your legs are longer than mine are" I pant, with my hands on my knees. "You okay?" he asks, placing a hand on my back. "Peachy keen" I say, almost having calmed my breathing down after a minute or so. 

"Drink this" he says and hands me a bottle of water, to which I gulp down half of it. "Thirsty huh?" he says with a smirk and I roll my eyes at him, not bothering to dignify his statement with a verbal response but he takes satisfaction with what little I've given nonetheless. 

"So are you ready?" he asks when I've finally gotten back to normal. "Yeah but I haven't done this one before so I don't know what I should be doing" I admit. "It's fine let me teach you, that's what I'm here for right?" he says with a genuine smile. "Right" I say, matching his smile and he walks me through all of the procedures and safety precautions. 

"Did you want to go with me or did you want one of the other instructors to go with you?" he asks. "How would it be a competition if we went together? I'll go with one of the other instructors silly" I say, surprised by his question and pushing his shoulder a bit to go grab them. "And you better go with one too so it's even!" I yell after him as he jogs over to where they're at. 

Once we get up in the air and are close to jumping I notice that Yeonjun starts to space out a bit. "Are you okay?" I ask concerned as to if he should actually be jumping or not. "Yeah no I'm fine don't worry about it" he says and we both get pulled away from the conversation to get hooked up to each of our respective instructors. 

"Hey!" Yeonjun yells at me before we jump. "What?" I yell back so he knows for sure I've heard him. "Will you go out with me?" he yells and jumps off right after leaving me stunned. "You ready?" the guy I'm jumping with asks me. "Um yeah" I say and he gives me a countdown before we drop out of the plane. 

Falling through the sky is a feeling that I can't even begin to describe, with the wind in my face and seeing how tiny everything looks from up here it's actually insane. I'm not able to focus on that though ever since Yeonjun asked me if I would go out with him. Was he kidding? Was he just trying to tease me? How am I supposed to respond once we finally parachute down and we're back on the ground. 

I'm broken out of my train of thought when the guy behind me asks me if I'm okay since I haven't hardly made a sound. "Yeah I'm fine" I yell back. "Well then let me hear you say YEAH!!!" he yells, obviously trying to make sure that I'm actually not freaking out to which I respond to with a 'HELL YEAH' which seems to make him laugh.

Once we finally get close enough he pulls the tab to the parachute and we slowly but surely make our way back into the field next to the airport we had started out at. "So?" Yeonjun asks after coming over and helping me up off the ground. "So what?" I ask, not sure exactly what he's referring to since I'm still not sure if he meant what he said back there. 

"What's your answer?" he asks with a shy but excited smile, clearly hoping I say yes. Instead I grab one of the straps on his harness and pull him into me and kiss him, only lingering for a few seconds, although I want more. Once I pull back he rests his forehead against mine and whispers "Well I guess I got my answer then" before angling my face back up towards his to kiss me properly. 

Pushing back from him afterwards I push on his chest to create some distance between us as he's grabbed my waist in the meantime. "You better not make me regret this" I say giving him a stern look, making sure he'll take this seriously. 

"Don't worry Noona, I won't let you slip away"

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[thatdeaffeel]

I have heard that some people in the Deaf community are opposed to research and efforts to restore or provide hearing to deaf people. Is this true? And if so, can you share some of the reasonings?

Sure.

I want to get a few things out of the way first.

First off let's acknowledge that being deaf and being a part of the deaf community are two different things. You do not need to be deaf to be part of the community, such as people who are raised in it like coda (child of deaf adult), or people who refuse classification as deaf because of their own severity or other personal reasons (hoh, single side deafness, partial deafness, apd, etc. the list is long and you are valid in however you choose to self-identity when experiencing hearing differences).

Second, it's always a good idea to remind everyone that we are not a monolith, there are as many deaf opinions as there are deaf people, and the same goes for the Big D. We don't agree on everything, there are deaf right-wing and deaf left-wing and everything in between. What you're going to read is the opinion of a singular deaf person. Please do not be fooled into believing that I am a source of authority nor that I speak for anyone other than myself. I am not an elected representative. I am often wrong, open and happy to be corrected in reblogs and replies. I'm going to be focussing on the UK, specifically because I am British and it's the experience and knowledge that I have, for people in other countries things will differ, and I respect and would welcome additions in the reblogs and replies! I could give a wider overview of global deaf society BUT it will be fractured and through the lens of my personal understanding as a mainstreamed British person and I really do not want to be yet another coloniser speaking for everyone, it's just not who I am.

Third, while the deaf community often restructure conversation around hearing differences as deaf gain it's a little difficult to talk using terminology outsiders and others don't understand so I will be saying hearing loss and other such things, but know that if you are in the deaf community I don't at all think you have lost anything, please don't take offence to this. As such, I'm not going to play word games, when I say deaf community I refer to big D and when I say deaf I refer to little d as the condition, that is going to continue going forward. It minimizes mistakes and prevents me from having to have lowercase characters at sentence starts, and I hope I can be forgiven. I understand the importance of the difference between the two and I know why it's done in context but re-adding that context into every conversation is at best tiring, and at worst gets in the way of the argument.

Okay so with that out of the way we have to do even more preparation (i am so sorry) by breaking down the question because the phrase, "people in the Deaf community are opposed to research and efforts to restore or provide hearing to deaf people" is NEBLOUS in the extreme.

The simple part of it, the essence of the question, about whether the deaf community is against the concept of a "cure" is very true, for the most part, the deaf community are against the concept of a cure because there is no cure for deafness. To ask for one is eugenics, to stop deafness you must stop deaf people from being born or created, neither of which is reasonably practicable without the usage of eugenics. Some people are born deaf and for them, a faculty of hearing can never be created by any means, these people cannot be left out of the conversation nor society as a whole. We WILL NOT be tolerating or condoning eugenics in this, if I see it, you will be forever blocked. Being deaf is a natural state for a lot of people, some born to it, others through accident or as the after-effect of illness. Whether or not deafness is a medical condition is a totally different question and whether there is anything to "restore" in the first place is an even bigger question that is not at all about the semantics of language and culture but of morality itself.

We have to start with a little history because in broad strokes deaf people have been the target of deeply ableist segregation for as long as we have existed. For the history of the first deaf school in my country please visit history-of-place for much more detail than I will add here. To keep it short and essential, through segregation came culture; deaf people found each other. Through shared language and experience a community blossomed and eventually, its own sets of values and beliefs.

A culture was formed as a response to ableism and segregation. Instead of being separated and abandoned, deaf people came together to support one another and find ways to exist fully as ourselves. We created a community so that when people were outcast or cast off from "normal" (hearing) society they had a place to call home, a place they can live and thrive.

Some of the values and beliefs that are inherent to deaf culture are that hearing loss is not a loss at all, it is the entryway to an entirely new way of life, one that is as rich, fulfilling, interesting and valuable, as any other. They believe, rightly so, that their culture is vital to the way of life for deaf people and that it should be protected, but also that the definition of being hearing as normal is a dangerous and false one. Many people are born without the required hardware to be able to hear and to create a society that is completely intolerant of deaf people is to create a society where someone is permanently forced to perform to fit in, they are at a permanent disadvantage when forced to be oral. Without the deaf community, that person will always feel left out, stuck, different and othered.

To a lot of people in the deaf community, the concept of "curing" deafness is deeply offensive. To them, it is not an affliction that should be pitied or altered, it is a simple fact of their body that they embrace, because it is a cultural signifier. They are deaf, they belong to the deaf community, and the deaf community is not something that should be "cured" out of society.

At the root of it all is the belief that people who are deaf should have the choice not to be abandoned by society, and that they should have a place to live, a place to exist. That they should not have to modify their body in order to belong. It is a belief centred on self-autonomy, which is where the moral quandary comes in.

You can see that this sits in pretty stark contrast to mainstream society, where people view deafness as a limiting disability, that to be deaf is to lose your capacity to function in society. This belief is an ableist one. It's similar to the autism community, mainstream society forces us, autistic people, to play pretend and to defer to their culture in order to fit in, they see as us less, as other. Inside autistic society and culture, we don't see ourselves as other, or as less than. We are just ourselves. We think differently to the mainstream and that is in no way a bad thing, it is JUST different.

To get you to see the deaf side of your question for a second, imagine we restructure it to being about an autistic person.

"I have heard that some people in the Autistic community are opposed to research and efforts to restore or provide neurotypical responses to autistic people."

You're starting from the assumption that there is anything to be restored.

Your position with this question is the assumption that hearing is a default when we know that there are a great many types of deafness, some of which that we are born into and that there is no meaningful medical way to create hearing for that person where it would otherwise have never existed in the first place. There is an oft-touted "cure" called the cochlear implant, but if you haven't done research on it yet, you should. The implant is very often MORE disabling than learning sign and joining deaf society, in part because it is an imperfect version of hearing but also because it represents a choice made FOR someone. Adult and young adult adopters of the implant more often than not reject it for the burdensome unintelligible noise generator that it is, due to far too few frequencies and other limitations of the device that we won't get into here. The best time to get an implant is as a child, long and far before the child will have the social awareness of the deaf community or the fulfilling life they can lead inside it, so the best time to get the best use out of the implant is when the child is at their least capable of deciding for themselves.

For a lot of the deaf community this position, that there is something to "cure" is deeply offensive.

As a trans person, I understand to the bottom of my being that people are not necessarily born who they will be when they grow up and that our starting configuration has nothing to do with who or what we are. The deaf community believes this too, by and large.

So it comes down to a moral question. Do you mainstream and force yourself away from a culture you can engage in, forever isolating yourself in a speaking society where you will have limited and othered status, or do you embrace and embed yourself into a subculture where you will be treated as an equal but where you are segregated, externally subjected to ableism and have to learn to interface with the speaking world.

It's a hard decision, right? It's WORSE when you're deciding on behalf of someone else, especially a child. See, most medical interventions in deafness are done on behalf of children, often babies, and they are the start of a pathway, toward the acceptance of the deaf community as a valid, genuine culture, or away and acceptance of a medical condition that can be treated so you can maintain your position in mainstream society no matter how tenuous that position may be.

Some inside the deaf community look at outcomes, some think any procedure at all is bad, some think what can be cured should be cured, and others still HATE the concept of a "cure" at all. I said before there are as many positions on this as there are deaf people and I stand by it.

Personally? I take the view that children who are deaf should be put in deaf schools, should learn the sign of their country, in my case bsl, should be taught to interface with hearing society and should get all the healthcare to ensure their continued existence without pain, suffering or undue harm. I believe that all deferrable interventions SHOULD BE DEFERRED, that they, the deaf person, as an individual, with all the rights and knowledge available of the communities they are choosing to belong to, should be the person to decide on how they are treated and what impact it will have. I have no stance on emergent care, we do what we can to stop people from dying.

I would not choose a cochlear implant for my child, I would educate them and let them choose for themselves. Constructing an ear out of cartilage? I let the child choose. Where possible, I let someone choose for themselves. Bodily autonomy is the most important thing to me.

I hope this helped. Your question is complex because it treats a cultural, ethical and moral question as a purely medical one, which in itself, makes it hard to answer.

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

july 4, 2021 7:30 p.m. adam's house

[wyatt] i'm gonna ask again...

[grant] alright, well, let me put it this way. what i didn’t like was very, very specific to me. it was a me thing and you are totally different than me. we are different people and the time period won’t even remotely be the same for us, so things will have changed. so, the experience i had isn’t going to be the one you would have. it’s not worth talking about because it just doesn’t matter.

[wyatt] boo, that’s not an answer.

[grant] okay, yeah, i hated it. still, i would absolutely, like, with every fiber in my being and all of my heart encourage you to go play college hockey if you’re interested. and yes, at the school i went to, if you’re interested in that school in the future. it’s so far off from now that you shouldn’t worry about it but you know what your dreams are and you should follow them. don’t ever listen to anyone else. do what you want. you know yourself best.

[grant] the only thing i'd say–and this goes for literally everything in life–is that if you do something and think it’s going to be amazing and you find out it’s not, trust yourself enough to leave and change paths. don’t stay with something if you’re not having a good, healthy, or safe time.

[grant] now i'm really going to get off my soapbox. i'm not here to lecture you. boring! gross! i'm supposed to be the fun uncle.

[wyatt] safe? did you get arrested or something? my friend at school has a big brother in college and he's in jail for selling cocaine.

[ezra] HAHAHAHA!

[grant] uhh–

[grant] i don’t know what to say but, uhh, i have never been arrested.

[wyatt] so, you didn't get arrested like papa?

[grant] you know about uncle paddy going to jail?

[ezra] he has his mugshots in his car!

[grant] oh, i forgot about that.

[wyatt] wait, why did you call him–

[grant] uncle paddy?

[wyatt] he’s your dad.

[grant] oh, no, buddy, i'm about to destroy your whole worldview…

[ezra] hey, the dragon is here! geez, the head chopping thing took soooooo long.

[grant] yay, alduin time! RIP to the others, though.

[grant] but, um, buddy, he’s not my dad. and your dad isn’t my brother.

[wyatt] liar!

[grant] i didn’t know you didn’t know!

[wyatt] how’s he not your dad? you wear glasses like him! and you laugh like him!

[ezra] wait, what?

[grant] i guess you’re confused because he calls me his son? and, well, your dad and his siblings and i call each other by, like, sibling-y terminology.

[grant] my mom is your grandfather and aunt bridget’s older sister.

[ezra] no! great-grandma aoife and great-grandpa joseph don’t have another–

[grant] no, no, they do.

[ezra] you're lying! liar liar pants on fire!

[grant] i am telling the honest truth! and i'm sorry to surprise! i really thought you knew.

[ezra] well, uh, you can still be uncle grant because you’re cool. you fly planes and do cool stuff like that, and you’re nice and funny and good at video games.

[grant] aww, i still make the cut? i'm still good enough to be an uncle?

[wyatt] of course! but if you become less funner than uncle alex, then you’re gonna get fired from the uncle job.

[grant] at least i know the terms of the contract!

[grant] but damn, you don’t like alex?

[wyatt] he’s kind of annoying. and he and lilly have a crusty white dog. i'm scared of crusty white dogs. they look evil. they’re gonna eat my limbs in my sleep.

[grant] that’s very oddly specific.

[ezra] i'm scared of sporks.

[grant] sporks?

[ezra] and i don’t like ladders.

[grant] okay, but sporks?

[ezra] it’s a fork but uglier and stupider.

[grant] you know what? valid. you’re not wrong.

[wyatt] i hate clowns, too!

[grant] also valid.

[wyatt] you aren’t scared of anything?

[grant] lithium-ion battery fires.

[wyatt] what?

[ezra] that’s a lot of big words.

[grant] yeah, lithium-ion battery fires, especially on a plane, and people being mean to me. germs, too. can’t forget germs.

[wyatt] if i sneeze into an open hand, would it make you cry?

[grant] yeah, a little bit.

[grant] don’t make me summon the crusty white dogs.

[ezra] summon! summon! summon!

[slaaverin]

Thank you for explaining. I think I got the gist reading it the second time but it’s the terminology I’m not used to, my sister dabbles in tarot but I’m hesitant because of how much it reveals, especially since one time someone who spoke to their guides predicted my miscarriage and never told me before hand, it freaked me out, so reading about Jimin upset me as it seems he is in a bad place bless him. I mean I know logically they are, but the other reading of the whole band said they are also protected when I read that, so that’s something.

I think it makes it all the more important they went in together and somehow fate aligned in the application process to make that happen. They are trapped in there though, both doing crazy things in their careers right now, with Muse and the travel show and now Jungkooks documentary. It’s wild! Do you think maybe Jimin is worried about how vulnerable he’s making himself in this album? He keeps talking about a truth and we are yet to see/hear what he means by that. Maybe he’s second guessing himself in the run up to release. I hope whatever fears and anxiety he does have are allayed eventually because I truly think people do love and support him in the fandom, sometimes the echo chamber doesn’t feel like it but i think people love him fiercely. Glad he has Kook though to lean on when he needs it.

I just wish them the best and all the happiness in the world. And that time flies so they can get out of there fast!

I understand. It's true that tarot is a great tool to learn about energy and psychology but depending on the reader's ethics it can be used badly. To me bluemoonpunch has always been "professional", never reveals too many personal details, never talked about the status of their relationship, it's more on an energetical standpoint which I find educational and interesting to analyze.

I can only speculate about Jimin's fear and give my biased opinion. I feel Muse is a continuation of Face, the natural next step. He wants to reveal himself to us more, tell us something he didn't dare say before. I think he is nervous about this. There is also the travel show to consider, with many eyes on them, more than before. In the past people could dismiss jikook's bond by ignoring their moments or belittle them, but this time the whole fandom will have to sit and watch jikook's dynamic for hours and I am sorry but I think, even without them saying it cleary, it will be blatantly obvious for everyone they are in a relationship. Editors will play the bro card but I don't think this will be sufficient.

Everything will be out on the open, way more than before, and I feel Jimin is aware of this, and dreads the reaction of people because it makes him worried for Jungkook and his own safety.

Muse + the travel show is a lot to think about at once, plus we don't know how exactly is the situation inside. I think he made friends but with everyone? I am not sure. Maybe he worries about things from the inside too, we don't know.

Overall I think this would be a lot for anyone, and I am glad Jungkook helps him in this situation.

I'm trying to tell myself that before making the decision to make Muse and the travel show, he thought about it, he pondered it. So he knew what kind of consequences there could be. Yet he decided to go through with it anyway. He might have had his reasons. I trust his judgement on that.

I feel like he knows why he did it, I don't think he regrets his choices, yet I can imagine him going into the worst case scenario in his head, what if it goes wrong? What if it hurts me, us? I think it's a very human thing to think about. Because he can try to predict the outcome but in truth he cannot control it, so he has fear.

I think he cares what people think because he doesn't want Jungkook to get hurt. Depending on what truth he reveals in Muse he could be afraid of consequences.

I am curious to see what this untold truth will be, and if somehow things are connecting together or not, how everything fits.

I hope Jimin and Jungkook can rely on each other during this time, and maybe it's best they are busy with military life not to think too much about it.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts 💜

[velvetvexations]

I am genuinely not trying to start anything at all, just offer my perspective as another disabled and mentally ill/neurodivergent person, but to me and a lot of other disabled people the focus on people removing words like "stupid" and "insane" feels a bit...unnecessary, and also seems to have come more from outside our community than from within. I would much rather everyone, abled and disabled, spend their time actually working on good allyship, and I think insisting we must not say words that are so divorced from their original meaning no one actually pictures A Disabled Person when they use them just muddies the water. I'm queer and I feel the same about language in that context, some of the best allies I know don't get being trans or gay or know all the correct words, but they would fight to the death to protect me and people like me regardless, and a lot of people I have interacted with who are dead set on using Perfect Language and will attack anyone who doesn't are tar pits of cruel, regressive nonsense hiding behind the shiny veneer of progressive slogans and terminology.

I am not saying the other disabled people who have spoken up about this are wrong or weren't actually hurt by that language, we are not a monolith, what reads as ableist to one disabled person might be perfectly fine to another, we are not always going to agree. (I personally dislike 'delulu' and 'neurospicy' so I'm not even completely fine with all language in all contexts.) And ngl if you genuinely want to move away from that language for whatever reason, I commend it for sure, but I just wanted to offer an alternate perspective as a person who is physically disabled, neurodivergent, and has several learning disabilities, so that you can come to a more informed decision.

I hope this can help that discussion flourish better, regardless of what you decide to do. I genuinely am just trying to offer another perspective as a disabled person, that's it, no one has to agree with me. I just don't think the conversation is complete without voices from all "sides" of this topic.

I wanna make it clear just in case it isn't that I don't believe the anon is saying they suspect previous anons specifically of having been non-disabled, but just that it's something they often see coming from non-disabled people, which is a take I can relate to with the discourse I get into.

I think the anon that brought up the specific way I say "insane" is still essentially relating it to it's original meaning had a fair point. The extent to which that makes it bad per se might nonetheless be arguable, but I want to take people's feelings seriously and not continue doing things that make them uncomfortable in the face of other alternatives. Like, there will surely be times where I'm like, yeah, I'm sorry, I appreciate you so much but we're just on different pages here, but I think this is something with room to work on, maybe.

[facelesspassport]

Therapy does not cure abusive behavior according to Bancroft

"it is virtually unheard of for an abusive man to make substantial and lasting changes in his pattern of abusiveness as a result of therapy... He may work through other emotional difficulties, he may gain insight into himself, but his behavior continues. In fact it typically gets worse, as he uses therapy to develop new excuses for his behavior, more sophisticated arguments to prove that his partner is mentally unstable, and more creative ways to make her feel responsible for his emotional distress." "For decades, many therapists have been attempting to help abusive men change by guiding them in identifying and expressing feelings. Alas, this well-meaning but misguided approach actually feeds the abuser's selfish focus on himself, which is an important force driving his abusiveness." Day 2 of sharing excerpts from Why does he DO that? by Lundy Bancroft

This excerpt really resonates with me personally as someone who has seen it proved before my very own eyes with my previous abusive partner. I am sure that if you were ever unfortunate enough to find yourself living with an abuser (1 in 3 of US women are), and you sent him to therapy, you were horrified to find that it did not work- as I was. I genuinely believed that the man who had spent the past year gaslighting me, isolating me from friends, and hitting me was just emotionally stunted and "didn't understand" what he was doing to me. I believed that he needed "help" from a therapist, when what he really needed was a counselor who specialized in reforming abusers- or perhaps a kick in the ass. I remember when my abuser came home from his very first therapy session. I was shocked to see that he was elated. "Why is he so happy? about self reflecting? shouldn't a bad person be sorry to learn about how rotten they are?" I thought. I asked him what he was so happy about and he told me all about how he had a "wonderful conversation" with his therapist about his childhood, philosophy, his home life, etc for the entire two hour session. I still held out hope thinking that he was only being so friendly with her because they were just getting to know eachother- that soon enough things would heat up and he would learn that he had been abusing me. I was very wrong. Each time he would come home from therapy he would be happier than last time- almost smug. And while his mood improved his treatment of me didn't get better- it worsened. Finally I realized how bleak the situation was when he started using psychological terminology to convince me that I was crazy! Every time I would get justifiably angry with him for doing bad things (lying to me, breaking promises, and cheating, among other things) he would say things like "I feel as though you are just angry over something else right now, and you are taking it out on me to regain a sense of control". One time when I yelled at him for ignoring a safe word, he told me I must be "splitting". Moral of the story: If someone is abusing you it's not because he is suffering from emotional problems. It's just because he wants to abuse you!

ps. I decided that it would be best for me to start typing these out instead of sharing screenshots of the PDF file. If you would like to read the book yourself just click the hyperlink on the book title!

[foxymoxyda]

Hi Foxy,

So this introduction of your DA writing is a whole new world for me. I’m slowly learning what DA is all about. That plus what you’ve shared about it from the Lowlander universe, and Sasha from SS, has sent me poking around the interwebs to read up on the different version of it from over the years. I remember you saying that your career is also based in the game space, so let me ask you: as someone who has literally zero experience gaming (I know, I know, I’m an aberration) but who would be willing to give it a try for DA, where should I start? One thing I read was that for DA, the PC game is the way to go (as opposed to a separate console) - does that sound right? If so, which version/game? Sorry if my terminology is wrong. I literally have no idea what I’m doing here, but I want to be a bit like Sasha and escape in this world and pine for Cullen ;) a little too. Any direction would be appreciated. Also, Thanks for this story. It’s a cool departure from all your other stories (which I am equally obsessed with, don’t worry)

This is so fun!! The beauty of these games is that they're pretty good and easy to pick up. You can even play them on easier difficulty levels to just learn and enjoy, I highly recommend it.

PC is totally fine for these, you can play mouse and keyboard so you don't even need a game controller unless that is more comfortable for you. Reflexes are more important in the third game than the first or second. You can really start wherever you want so I'll give you some pros/cons for where you want to.

Dragon Age: Origins, the first game of this series. If you start here, you'll meet people and make decisions that can impact your world and story in the second and third game. Very story-based, some of the best companions. Generally I'd say this is the place to start so you learn everything from beginning. There's a part you go into the Fade which can be really long and frustrating, I highly recommend using walkthrough instructions online if you get too frustrated :) There are several DLCs you can play too that set up the next games further.

Dragon Age: II. Secretly my favorite of the games, but don't start here lol. I think this should be played after Origins. Fair warning, folks tend to either love or hate this game. I love it.

Dragon Age: Inquisition, the most recent game. It's got a better look and more updated tutorials based on how folks playl games now. It has a little more reflex-dependent gameplay but there are tutorials and easier modes. Its pacing can be faster depending if you want to do all the side quests, it feels more open world and exploring which can be a lot of fun if you're having fun. This is not a bad place to start either if you want to jump right in. You wont' have the backstory yet for some of the characters but you'll figure it out :)

Happy playing, I hope you enjoy yourself!

[cinquaintothequaint]

⚠️⚠️⚠️!!WARNING: DON'T TAKE PHYSICAL THERAPY!!⚠️⚠️⚠️

Or better yet, just not medicine..

I'm a first year that's taking BS in PT (Physical Therapy) and after one semester, why does it feel like I'm reaching the end? Am I dangling off a ledge? Because it sure as hell feels like it.

Now don't get me wrong, I chose this. I literally chant, "Pinili ko to, panindigan ko kase sayang naman!" (I chose this and I'll go through with it, it'll be a shame if I give up.) Whenever I'm about to tackle another side quest or stay up for another weekly

But what the hell is panindigan specifically? I translated it and numerous words came up:

That's.. a lot.. Filipino is a language that does a lot with context so stick with me here.

Within my first week, I've heard numerous students (friends and blockmates alike) just chant it like a mantra. It's a record that keeps on playing, constantly, on repeat, whatever, and forever until we die.

Okay, wait, it's too much to for me to say die but you get me?

It's like having to always run for the last stretch of a race or surviving the last 2 minutes of a viking ride, and just casually nodding, "Yeah I'll go for another." But wait. You're doing this forever? In the case of college, you're readying yourself to do this for life baby!

I'm someone that doesn't like making themself panic. In that first week, I was telling myself, "Pfft I'll be fine, just need to swerve here and there and I won't hit anything."

Oh if only the me on the 6th of September knew that it was so over.

My block and I shared the feeling of cold water being dumped on us when we got through our first Physiology lecture. And that won't be the only time!

Only the Lord (or the higher being you believe in) will know what will happen, and only them they did.

When I tell you that the median score for quizzes was a 5~10 out of 45, you can feel the despair from just reading it. This was a major! I had to step it up! My GOD I really did try!!

But learning medicine is learning a new language and chapter of my life altogether.

Yeah I'm bilingual, alam ko naman ung alpabeto ko. But in medicinal, you say, "I'm sorry, in the reference I read, the book said this." And frantically look for it because your pracs professor is wondering when the hell did spine of the scapula just become spine, and then you point to it, and they're just like, "Oh well you should've wrote the entire name." And the class bemoans their luck because the question asked, literal, what is this part of the scapula?

Real experience I had.

We didn't get the +1 point.

Being a med student in college makes your relatives smile in approval. You receive a responsibility the moment you start learning your anatomical terminology and how to differentiate up from superior. There's this pressure from expectations, the required GPA, your own self-esteem is WORKING against you, and my God we haven't talked about the minor subjects yet.

All of this starts accumulating, truly it does, and suddenly you can't go out anymore.

You're stuck there.

Studying.

What's it for? It's for the pre-lec, post-lec, and prelim next week.

So yeah, I got really really low scores in Physiology. I was feigning ignorance and hoping for the best and even got my rosary out to be holier than my parents' 6pm prayer.

I was on that ledge.

Again.. DON'T TAKE PHYSICAL THERAPY (or med in general)

If you don't like..

Wearing white uniforms

Reviewing when you're out and about

The heart-wrenching despair and anxiety every time you're reminded that you're a med student

Everything and everyone

Yourself, because why did you subject to the mental gymnastics?

Going through med subjects that start with the letter P

Debating whether or not to take med school (unless you're already in med school then you have my sympathy)

Feeling dumb all the time

The cost and time.

This list.

..

You're probably thinking I'm overreacting, and yes I'm aware. Too aware, and I'm too scared, too insecure, and too damn .. ugh..

...

Maybe when I say panindigan ko to, I just want a sign from God to strike me from behind and I can finally call it off.

I just want a clear answer that I wasn't cut out for this yk?

But, well shit, I kind of like.. what I'm doing.

My "don't like" list isn't permanent. My woes aren't permanent.

It could be, but I like to think it won't be.

Because at the end of the day, when I look at all that then to everything else that I want and wish to do, to achieve and to make something out of an incomplete me, then fuck, the physical therapy dream needs to forcefully kick me out before I can say bye-bye.

So yeah, if you don't mind or actually like something in the if you don't like list- you have a 10% chance of taking physical therapy or med in general.

This rant is over. Cut!

...

..

..

...

..

..

...

...

..

..

..

..

...

I forgot.

I passed by the way. I qualified for 2nd semester of my first year in BS-PT.

Uhm.. my last few thoughts, I think med students are masochists who are for the people and that's beautiful (I wanna be a part of that!). And also!

Panindigan ko kase.. gusto ko to ih!

(I'M SORRY THIS WAS WRITTEN SO LONG? HAVE A GREAT DAY AND YOU'RE DOING GREAT KEEP IT UP)

[taekookfests]

dead dove fest - fic reveals season 1

Beloved Possession by dtkcosmos [link] 20.7k Words | Completed | Explicit

"You must show him, by leaving him severely alone."

And Jungkook made sure Taehyung remains his.

The Price of a Defeat by cozylessness [link] 10.6k Words | Completed | Explicit

General Jeon Jungkook wins the war against the Kim and keeps the omega son as his reward.

Safe in the Bunny Cage by cozylessness [link] 9.8k Words | Completed | Explicit

When Taehyung goes to the Heat Café, he knows that he will meet sex hybrids but he doesn't expect to fall on a bunny like Jungkook. Needy, wet and in love with cocks ; he is perfection. Even more with his cocklet locked up in a pretty pink cage.

Sugar Rush by ivy_kisses [link] 8k Words | Completed | Explicit

"If you want to call it that. Sure."

"Is there a better terminology that you prefer?"

"No, boy toy is fine but I have a name."

"What? Candy? You expect me believe that's your real name? Please." Jungkook scoffs.

There's silence again as the boy picks up the martini and swallows it down in two gulps.

"Thirsty?" Jungkook asks and looks at his lips. The way they're moist and pressed against the rim of the glass. The boy looks like a painting.

"Very."

My Darling Boy by tetefmclub [link] 7k Words | Completed | Explicit

Where Taehyung, one of the VIPs who have been invited to watch the live show for Squid Game, takes an interest in the cute waiter, Jeon Jungkook.

this is what best friends do by bunkookiez [link] 6.8k Words | Completed | Explicit

jeongguk finally gets to meet his best friend!

midnight train by spicyflms [link] 6.2k Words | Completed | Explicit

The first time the person brushes up against him, he thinks it’s a coincidence. The second time, he blames it on the crowded time. But there’s no such thing as a third time — not when the world is this way. He can feel another person pressing up against him, body rock hard judging by the sting in the back of his head when he knocks against them. Then he feels it — a hand on his waist.

Want you by teteguk [link] 4.5k Words | Completed | Explicit

Taehyung was hoping for a sexy night with his husband; he ends up having sexy times with his husband's colleague instead.

Do I Wanna Know? by vkishikaisei [link] 4.4k Words | Completed | Explicit

Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook - a match made in heaven, complementing each other in every twisted way imaginable.

Birds of Prey by Anonymous [link] 3.9k Words | Completed | Explicit

Taehyung is the certified college bully. One day, he picks the wrong target.

Jeongguk fucks him open in the hall to put him in his place.

Stirring truths and lies by Anonymous [link] 3k Words | Completed | Explicit

“Hey.” Taehyung starts. He drops his bag on a chair nearby and stands in front of Jeongguk. “Sorry I’m late, I purposely didn’t text you back because flooding my phone with absurd messages was quite irritating.” Taehyung crosses his arms around his chest, his tits pushed up a fraction.

Jeongguk stands and tosses his phone on the bed from where he previously sat. He maintains the hostile eye contact he’s been shooting Taehyung the moment he entered the room.

—

Or Taehyung arrives home late at night and hasn’t been picking up his boyfriend’s calls. And so, arguments ensue.

who's my good boy? by spicyflms [link] 2.6k Words | Completed | Explicit

“So, who’s my good boy?”

“I am,” Taehyung says at the same time Bam barks.

You flew so high (Now you are falling) by thesakurablooms [link] 10k Words | Ongoing | Explicit 

Humans and werewolves are at war. Humans are loosing because not only are the wolves scientifically more advanced, they are physically stronger. In desperate move to increase strenght of their soldiers, humans make special serum.

Taehyung and his team are one of the first humans to recieve this serum. It makes them stronger, faster and gives them better senses. Thrilled they are eager to try this one on their enemies. The actual fight reveals couple of unexpected problems for humans and pleasent surprise for the wolves.

The werewolves cant believe that their mortal enemies actually solved their biggest problem for them. They have massive shortages of omegas, well that is until humans accidetally create the omega serum.

Can't help it, I want you by dtkcosmos [link] 7.5k Words | Ongoing | Explicit

“Will you still resist, dad?” Taehyung whispers.

Jungkook cannot ignore the emphasis that Taehyung had put on the word ‘dad’, he knows what his son is aiming for.

“Do you not fear at all?” Jungkook whispers back.

Photograph by MB-darkmode (MB1000) [link] 6.4k Words | Ongoing | Explicit

Jungkook is a struggling, broke university student.

Taehyung is very much not broke, but still struggling in his own way since money can't exactly cure loneliness, you know?

So Jungkook is all the more willing to be the older boy's friend.

But then after awhile Taehyung starts acting a bit....strange.

So much so that Jungkook starts to get a bit worried.

But little does he know that it's much too late.

Because the matter of the fact is, Taehyung never had any intention of being just Jungkook’s friend…

To Never Let You Go by MB-darkmode (MB1000) [link] 1.9k Words | Ongoing | Explicit

Jungkoook has been been through a plethora of omegas, but none of them have lasted long.

Not until he met Kim Taehyung that is.

It was love at first sight really.

And after seven months into their relationship, Jungkook realizes that the mere thought of Taehyung not being his omega sends his alpha into a frenzy.

So Jungkook then comes up with a plan.

A plan to bind Taehyung to him.

And what better way to bind an omega to you then to...

(a huge thanks to @/vantespenguin for helping me compile all the fics)

[sendme-2hell]

Ranking the Hugo 2021 Nominations for Best Novel by How Gay They Are

I did this with the 2020 nominations because they were overwhelmingly sapphic, but now that I’ve read the 2021 nominations I think these are even more queer than 2020! The ratings are based on how queer they books are not how much I liked them.

6. The Relentless Moon - Mary Robinette Lowell

Rating: 4/10

Explanation: The way this author writes feels unbearably straight (and white) to me. She definitely makes an attempt to have a diverse cast of characters but is not very good at it so it ends up feeling more like a bunch of stereotypes than actually interesting characters. There is a sapphic relationship that is briefly hinted at in this book. A woman named Wafiyyah says she wants to use her one phone call (they are on the moon) to talk to her female lab partner. The main character speculates that she is probably in a relationship with this woman. Wafiyyah is mentioned a total of 12 times in the whole 500 page book and has about five lines of dialogue. But I won’t forget Wafiyyah and her lab partner. Giving points for her and then points for being on the moon because space is gay.

5. Piranesi - Susanna Clarke

Rating: 7/10

Explanation: Well, you can’t have a book about an academic cult without at least one of them being gay. This is a misleading description of what Piranesi is actually about, but idk...something about academia, people obsessed with the classics, greek aesthetics, and being gay. There is definitely homoerotic vibes going on through the whole book as well as mentions that that one character is, “picking up men,” and was “gay before it was legal,” and uh...maybe doing some other things. It’s unclear to me. 

*Okay to be honest the next three books on this list are all pretty equally queer. They all have multiple queer characters and are pretty diverse in other ways too. So I ranked them arbitrarily.

4. Network Effect - Martha Wells 

Rating: 8/10

Explanation: The thing that is great about the Murderbot books is that queerness is very normalized. There are multiple queer relationships that are just mentioned in passing, and if I remember correctly (all the murderbot books are one big book in my mind), there is a wlw couple that features prominently. There are also a few nonbinary characters including the main character. Polyamorous relationships as well. I would like to live in Preservation, please. 

3. The City We Became - N.K. Jemisin 

Rating: 8/10

Explanation: You know what I was saying about how Mary Robinette Lowell clearly tried to make The Relentless Moon diverse and didn't do it satisfactorily. Well, N.K. Jemisin said “hold my beer.” When writing characters meant to embody the boroughs of New York, she made sure that the people would all be different ethnicities, genders, and sexual identities. Since, ya know, New York is pretty diverse. She did an incredible job of writing maybe the most diverse book I have ever read (what does that say about me? What does that say about the publishing industry?). There are lots of queer characters in these books including gay, bi, lesbian, and trans characters. Although their identities are not central to the plot so far, I think that a mlm relationship will become very important in the later books in this series. Okay it’s not really fair to say they aren’t central to the plot since I’m sure they are part of her central metaphor or something. 

2. Black Sun - Rebecca Roanhorse

Rating: 8/10

Explanation: Like the two last books, Black Sun is diverse in many ways. Queerness is not quite normalized in the pre-columbian americas inspired fantasy world of Black Sun, since Xalia, the bisexual sea captain was sent to jail for sleeping with a woman. That being said, it seems that some cultures are cooler with it than others in this world, and non-binary and trans people are accepted. Queer relationships and identities are sprinkled throughout the book. Also this book is just great! I highly recommend it. Might be my favorite on this list were it not for my Locked Tomb brainrot. 

1. Harrow the Ninth - Tamsyn Muir 

Rating: 10/10

Explanation: Harrow the Ninth has many notable queer characters such as: the main character, the main character’s evil roommate, the main character’s dead ex-frenemy, a sword, a woman possessing another character (a few of these actually), God, and more! This is just a very queer book. It gave us classic lines such as, “gall on gal,” and “Ianthe had walked away from you, all split lips and gay loneliness” which was weirdly relatable. Plus I’m gonna say 1.5 gay sex scenes (argue with me about this). 

Other Notes (Continue reading for some random thoughts on these books, my actual ranking of them in terms of how much I like them, and a comparison of Griddlehark to Mahit/Three Seagrass): 

*I would say this is a better list than the 2020 nominations where there were a few books I straight up hated. I liked all of these books, even Relentless Moon.

*I would rank the books in terms of how much I liked them: Harrow the Ninth > Network Effect > Black Sun > Piranesi > The City We Became > The Relentless Moon 

*I think it’s funny that “Black Sun” and “The Relentless Moon” were both nominated. Sun vs moon. Don’t make them fight, they are dating! 

*The City We Became was great but the ending was umm...very abrupt...N.K. Jemisin wrote the Broken Earth Trilogy so she can do whatever she wants, but yeah I have to complain about the rushed ending. Black Sun also had an abrupt ending. I guess they are setting up for the sequels. Vs Relentless Moon, Network Effect, and HTN which are just building off of the other books in the series so they don’t have to do as much set up. Oh wait, Tamsyn Muir didn’t do that much worldbuilding in GTN and therefore made me sit through pages about the difference between thanergy and thalergy that made me feel like I was in 11th grade biology class trying to take notes.

*The television show, For All Mankind has a similar premise to The Relentless Moon but actually has a few queer characters including a woman I am in love with. Seriously, more people should watch that show! 

*HTN and Piranesi are both books where you have no idea what the fuck is going on in them for ½ of the book and even when you finish you are left with a lot of questions + they both have unreliable narrators

***spoilers for A Desolation Called Peace and Harrow the Ninth (and amce + gtn): 

When I ranked the 2020 Hugo nominations I ranked A Memory Called Empire above Gideon the Ninth because Mahit and Three Seagrass kissed and I was salty that Gideon and Harrow didn’t (ok they kindaa did. sue me). Anyway, in Desolation Called Peace Mahit and Three Seagrass actually had sex, so in that they are still beating griddlehark. Though to be fair, they never shared a body sooooo... Griddlehark is winning there. Thankfully I didn’t have to compare Teixcalaan and tlt in this list because I don’t know which I would choose this time.

[wandaromanova]

Lost

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Warnings: mentions of cancer, death, cussing

A/N: hello! i’d like to put a disclaimer that i am not in any way knowledgeable of the medical field and all of the terminology and information used in this fic was found through research! happy reading <3

anon requested: hiiiii !! can i request like an angst into fluff natxfem!reader one shot where the reader has a really bad day and takes it out on nat and hurts her feelings and so they go to bed angry. but the reader realizes their mistake and the next morning just wakes her up by showering her with love and then takes the whole day to do cute little date things with her? like making her favorite meal or like dancing in the kitchen to their favorite song late at night or just super fluffy things? if not, that’s okay!! have a good day <3

Summary: The heavy weight of her profession gets to Y/N and she takes her anger out on her loving girlfriend; Natasha Romanoff.

Word Count: 3K | navigation

please do not repost or try and take ownership of my work. reblogs, likes, and comments are always welcome. <3

Becoming a doctor was no easy feat.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Once high school is completed, one must receive your bachelor’s degree before taking the MCAT exam and applying to medical school. After four years of medical school, you must endure a year as an intern before being promoted to a resident. 

Depending on what specialty one has selected, residency can span from three to seven years. Fellowships follow after but are typically an optional course that provides extra training. 

Yes, there are a lot of necessary steps to take in order to set foot into the medical world, but somehow, the years of foreplay could never compare to being a full-fledged physician; and you knew this all too well.

You are a pediatric oncologist and your job was to diagnose and provide treatment to children and teenagers who had cancer. You specialized in hematology; the treatment of blood disorders.

You were the head of pediatric oncology in a Manhattan hospital. You dealt with a lot of patients, but a two-year-old little girl named Sarah was secretly your favorite. 

Despite being diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia, Sarah’s positivity and playful personality never faltered.

Even if she didn’t understand the circumstances because of her young age, you knew she was suffering. Regardless of it all, every session you had with her was endearing.

You met with the child once a week to administer chemotherapy. Her enthusiasm never failed to have you awestruck. Most of your patients were exhausted from the treatments, but not Sarah. 

She was a hyper child who would attempt to sing Frozen songs, performing as you tried to fight a smile from taking over your features. She had a stuffed Olaf doll that she brought with her to every visit and it was heartwarming to see her hug the doll close to her chest. 

Sarah would even bring you drawings every week that you would keep in your locker. You’d admire each and every one of the drawings, even if you couldn’t really tell what they were.

You’d grown fond of the little girl in the past two months you had been treating her. You were also relatively close to her parents, who were probably the kindest people you’ve ever encountered. It made sense that Sarah was the ball of sunshine she was, she obviously got it from her parents.

Most times, parents were on edge and extremely short-tempered. If parents saw you often, that meant that their child was diagnosed with some form of cancer. Understandably, they would be rather hostile whilst interacting with you, but you never took their behavior personally. 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

If you were in their shoes, you were positive that you wouldn’t be very friendly either. 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

You had grown fond of the beaming child. You were aware that growing emotionally attached to patients was unprofessional, but how could you not? 

You adored children and for that very reason, you had chosen a specialty that allowed you to help kids as much as medicine would allow. You always had a soft spot for kids and you found joy in helping them as best as you possibly could.

Sarah had a very good chance at pulling through. With consistent treatment and her young age, her survival rate was around 68%. Those were considerably good odds in these circumstances. Not to mention, the chemotherapy seemed to be paying off. At the rate she was improving, she was predicted to be out of the woods soon enough.

However, the child had developed a bacterial infection. Since she had been receiving chemotherapy, the treatment had damaged her white blood cells which are responsible for fighting off infections. 

All you could do was provide antibiotics to try and fight off the infection. You had monitored her for some time in hopes of seeing any sign of improvement, but unfortunately, it wasn’t enough. Her immune system was extremely vulnerable and there wasn’t any way to reverse the damage. 

Your heart was torn to pieces when you delivered the news to her parents. They broke down in the hallway outside of Sarah’s room as you informed them of Sarah’s rapidly shortened life expectancy. It was only a matter of time before the young child would pass and honestly, this was what you hated most about your job.

You hated that you couldn’t help every single patient. You hated how cruel the world could be to take away an innocent child from their loving parents. 

You allowed her parents to spend time by her bedside. They laid on either side of her bed, clinging onto her for dear life. What broke you the most was the paleness of Sarah’s once glowing skin. Her smile was still present but didn’t quite reach her eyes like it used to. 

Her parents quietly sang ‘Love Is An Open Door’ to Sarah. You felt your heart clench in a bittersweet way as you silently watched. Normally, Sarah wouldn’t hesitate to join in, but her lack of breath prevented her from doing so. All she could do was close her eyes and lightly nod her head along to their voices. 

Sarah passed hours later and it was an extremely somber experience. Hearing the cries of parents who lost their children wasn’t easy and it never would be. Your job had its pros and cons, and this was the biggest negative.

You fought back your own tears as you exited the room, giving the two mourning parents some privacy after you recorded Sarah’s time of death. You found the nearest restroom and allowed the tears to fall down your face. 

A pure soul had been ripped away from the world, never having the chance to experience the great things life had to offer.

•❅──────────────── ‎⧗ ────────────────❅•

4 Hours Later

You trudged into your loft, immediately taking off your coat and hanging it up before tossing your keys on the small table by the front door. 

Your girlfriend, Natasha, had heard your arrival and quickly exited the bedroom to greet you, a wide smile on her face. However, her smile fell when she noticed your defeated state. 

Your shoulders were slumped as you slouched slightly and your eyes were dripping with sadness. 

“Honey? What’s wrong?” Natasha approached you while you stood frozen in front of the door. Her hands came up to cup your cheeks as she stared at you in concern, her eyes scanning over your features. 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“I lost Sarah.” 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Natasha’s eyes widened and her heart sunk at your words. She was aware of how much you adored the two-year-old. Once a week, you would rave about the child and how adorable she was at the dinner table. You would go on and on about how Sarah would sing to you, draw pictures for you, and bring along stickers to place onto your coat.

The redhead loved how happy you looked whenever you spoke about any of your patients, but most especially Sarah. It brought Natasha some joy of her own to see you speak animatedly about Sarah; your happiness was her happiness. 

So, the news hurt her almost as much as it hurt her. She knew how much you loved Sarah, despite never saying it straight out.

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry. I know how much you cared about her. Are you okay?” Natasha’s voice was oozing with sympathy. You couldn’t help but feel irritated by her question. 

You tore her hands off of your cheeks and walked past her and into the kitchen, pouring yourself a glass of water as the redhead watched you intently. 

“Am I okay? I’m fine! It’s not like I lost an extremely young patient today or anything. What kind of stupid fucking question is that, Natasha?” You took a sip of cold water to try and calm yourself damn, but your attempt was futile. 

The redhead made her way into the kitchen, standing on the opposite side of the island as you took another sip of water, eyes burning a hole into her head over the rim of the glass. 

“I know, that was a dumb question. I just want to help you, Y/N/N.” Natasha remained calm and patient as she spoke to you. She was no stranger to the loss of a person she desperately tried to save and knew all too well the sadness and anger that accompanied the tragedy. She was an Avenger, after all. 

“I don’t want your help and I don’t need you!” You slammed your cup onto the counter as you raised your voice. Honestly, it was surprising that you hadn’t shattered the glass with the amount of force you exerted. 

Natasha felt an ache in her chest as you yelled at her. She knew that you weren’t in the right state of mind and didn’t take it personally, but that didn’t make your words hurt any less. 

“You save entire cities and I can’t even save a single fucking person!” You were turning red at this point, tears of frustration streaming down your face. The redhead hated seeing you cry, but she knew better than to approach you at this moment. 

“Babe, you save so many pe-” Natasha’s tried to speak, but you quickly interjected. 

“If you’re going to try and spew some philosophical bullshit to me right now, I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear another god damn word from your mouth.”

The redhead looked down defeatedly. She had never seen you so upset, let alone direct your frustrations towards her. Her eyes fell down to the marble counter between you both before looking up at you. You were breathing heavily, your chest rising and falling rapidly as you tried to catch your breath. 

Without another word, Natasha retreated back to the bedroom, shutting the door softly behind her. You watched her until she was out of your view and let out a sigh. Your hands gripped the edges of the kitchen island, supporting your weight as you shut your eyes. 

You brought a hand up to your face and pinched the bridge of your nose. After a few minutes, you made your way into the living room, chucking off your shoes before collapsing onto the couch. You didn’t feel like interacting with Natasha anymore tonight, knowing that you most likely wouldn’t be able to control your temper. 

You were just so fed up with the painful losses you had to endure from your profession. 

You knew that being a doctor was more dark clouds and thunder, than sunshine and rainbows, but you just wished that for once, the weather forecast would work in your favor. 

The emotional day had finally caught up to you. Your body relaxed as you sunk further into the couch, eyes fluttering shut as you succumbed to a much-needed slumber. 

Unbeknownst to you, Natasha was still awake. She laid flat on her back and stared up at the ceiling in thought. She was mad at you, as much as she didn’t want to be. Natasha had gone through the same thing and never lost her cool with you as you had with her. 

The redhead calmed down slowly, turning on her side and facing the empty space beside her which you normally occupied. She reached one arm out, her skin colliding with cool sheets, already missing the warmth of your body. 

Natasha hated sleeping without you by her side, She didn’t feel complete when you weren’t steadily sleeping next to her, your arms wrapped around her body. However, she hoped that things would improve in the morning.

And with that thought in mind, she drifted off into a dreamless sleep, clutching the sheets firmly in her hand. 

•❅──────────────── ‎⧗ ────────────────❅•

 The Next Morning

You awoke to a blinding light, the morning sun shining through the windows and landing directly onto your face. You let out a groan and slowly sat up, stretching out your limbs with a groan. The couch wasn’t the most comfortable place to sleep, you were aching everywhere. 

You sat there for a moment as the events of the day before caught up to you. Not only had you lost Sarah, but you upset Natasha. You immediately felt guilty as you recalled the harsh words you spat at her in a fit of rage. You felt like a complete asshole, and rightfully so. 

You quickly stood up and entered the kitchen, retrieving some bacon from the freezer and eggs from the refrigerator. You grabbed two separate pans and washed your hands, making sure to get the coffee pot running before you began cooking.

Your girlfriend absolutely loved bacon, eggs, and coffee. She described the combinations as a ‘party in her mouth.’ So, this was going to be an ‘i’m sorry for being a bitch last night’ apology breakfast. 

You got started on the meal and by the time you finished up and had the stove off, Natasha stalked out of the bedroom slowly. She eyed you carefully as she approached, you sent a soft smile her way.

“You made breakfast,” Natasha spoke and you shyly nodded your head. You moved away from the stove and rounded the counter. The redhead stood in her spot as you wrapped your arms around her waist, her arms reflexively going around your neck.

“I was an asshole last night.” You stated and your girlfriend nodded her head in agreement. “Yeah, you were a total pain in the ass, the absolute worst.” You rolled your eyes at Natasha’s teasing tone.

“I’m sorry for how I behaved. I was just so upset about… Sarah. I didn’t mean to take it out on you and I can’t even begin to tell you how bad I feel for yelling at you when all you wanted to do was help me.”

Your voice was full of emotion, your eyes boring into her emerald irises as you poured your heart into every syllable you uttered. Natasha smile gently at you, her fingers lightly tugging on the baby hairs on the nape of your neck. 

“It’s okay. I know you weren’t mad at me.” You let out a sigh of relief as the redhead stared at you softly. She let out a small chuckle at your dramatics before continuing.

‘I understand how you feel. The team and I, we try our very best to save as many civilians as we can, but sometimes it’s completely out of our control. It’s the exact same situation.” 

One of Natasha’s hands found its way to your cheek, gently cupping the skin as you leaned into her touch. You were listening intently to her every word, mesmerized by the calming rasp of her voice.

“Don’t dwell on what you couldn’t do, but give yourself some credit for everything you did do. I may not know what happened, but what I do know is that you tried everything you could, no?”

Natasha questioned you and you nodded your head. “I gave her antibiotics to fight the infection, but it was too severe.” The redhead rubbed her thumb against your cheek. 

“All that matters is that you did your best and that’s all anyone could ever ask for.” Natasha ended her little speech as she placed a soft kiss on the tip of your nose. You couldn’t help but smile, an overwhelming feeling of happiness taking over. 

“Thank you. I love you and your… what was it?” You furrowed your eyebrows in concentration before your face lit up. Natasha raised an eyebrow at you. “Philosophical bullshit. That was the words.” The Russian let out a laugh, shaking her head from side to side at your antics. 

“Seriously though, I’m so grateful for you. You’re so amazing to me even when I don’t deserve it. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Natasha’s laughter died down as your tone turned serious. Your eyes were so full of love and adoration as you stared into her eyes deeply. 

“Well, let’s hope you never have to find out.” Natasha smiled once more and you couldn’t resist pressing your lips against her plump ones. Your mouths moved in tandem at a slow pace, enjoying the rawness and love that accompanied each movement. 

You broke the kiss when air became an issue. Nat’s eyes fluttered open as you wiggled your eyebrows at her playfully. 

“So, are you ready for some breakfast? Maybe after we eat, we can go on top of a rooftop and I’ll serenade you with a rendition of ‘Sorry’ by Justin Bieber.”

Natasha’s head flew back as she laughed uncontrollably at your words. “What? Do you not like the Biebs? If you want, I could play ‘Baby Come Back’ by Player from a boombox and hold it over my head, instead.” The redhead continued to laugh profusely and you soon joined in. Your arms tightened around her waist as your giggles subsided. 

“I think cuddling on the couch and watching the Kardashians eating ridiculously large bowls of salad will do.” You nodded your head in agreement but didn’t make a move to release Natasha from your grip. She didn’t let go either. 

The two of you just stood there, basking in each other’s embrace, a comfortable silence falling over you both. 

Natasha never failed to say the right things to pull you out of the dark abyss that was your mind. She was completely right, as always. There would always be bad days, patients who were progressing one day and deteriorating the next. 

However, there were also good days, and you shouldn’t allow the bad to overshadow all the good you’ve done. Like with Natasha, she wasn’t always the superhero she is today. She took her dark past and turned it into a bright future. 

Nat didn’t let her bad days define her and neither should you.

Of course, you would always remember every single patient you had lost, but now, you would take the pain and turn it into motivation; motivation to improve yourself, not only in your professional life but in your personal life as well. 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

You would do right by the ones you’ve lost and the one who stuck by your side; Natasha Romanoff. 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

───────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────────

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[shoutaaizawas]

↳  keigo takami x fem!reader → ❝preening❞

summary: hawks loves your hair, playing with it, brushing it, washing it. you realize that it comes from another instinctual nature of his. you try to figure out how to return the gesture. word count: 2k+ tags/warnings: fluff, bird terminology, hawks being a birdman again  a/n: i don’t know much about birds but i’ll sure act like i do. this is sort of a sequel to shiny things but can be read alone

masterlist 

Hawks was obsessed with your hair.

When you convinced him to take a lazy day off you would lay on your couch and watch movies together, your head resting on his lap. Without a doubt his hand was always in your hair, brushing through it and braiding and upbraiding your hair. It was hard to focus on what you were watching not that you minded. You’d much rather give your attention to your boyfriend.

At night when you laid your head on his chest, he would always run his hand through your hair, nails gently scratching across your scalp. You always let out a sigh of content. It was impossible not to fall asleep when he did that

Anytime he caught you brushing his hair he would insist he does it for you and would offer to do your hair for you. Was he good at doing your hair? No. But in his defense, he tried his best and was getting better every time. It didn’t stop you from wearing said hairstyles out in public. The way he looked at you, so happy that you wore his work out in public more than made up for some of the odd looks you got.

When you had a bad flu Hawks was there for you to take care of you even though you insisted that he stay away for his own good but he refused. He brought you medicine, kept you fed (not his cooking, he couldn’t cook to save his life), kept you hydrated and pretty much waited on you hand and foot. He had even washed your hair for you. You were so exhausted you couldn’t bring yourself to do it but Hawks was more than happy to help out. The way he worked the shampoo into your hair was amazing. You were starting to think he was in the wrong career. It didn’t escape you that he enjoyed it too and since then he offered to wash your hair for you.

You should have realized sooner what the reasoning behind it was. You had been at a pet store to pick up food for your friend who was too bust to run by herself. It was hard not to get distracted by all the cute animals. The cockatiels caught your attention, one playing with a toy in the cage. It was hard not to think of your boyfriend when you saw any sort of bird.

But what caught your attention more was the two birds perched beside each other preening each other. It was so cute to watch and it took a few moments before it clicked in your head.

Oh.

Had Hawks obsession with your hair stemmed from an instinctual need to preen? It wouldn’t be his first bird trait you had discovered. How had you not realized sooner?

“They’re so cute aren’t they.” Looking up you saw the storekeeper standing there looking at the pair of birds. “They just preen each other all day it’s the cutest thing, they love each other.”

“They’re adorable.” You agreed to smile at her. “Is there a reason they do it?”

“Those two are mates, it’s part of the courting ritual but they still do it to show affection to each other.” She explained.

“Aww,” You cooed but you were trying to process it all in regards to Hawks. As you checked out and headed to your friends to drop the pet food off for her your mind was racing. Hawks played with your hair, braided it, washed it to show affection in his own way. That warmed your heart. Keigo never ceased to make you feel like the most loved person on Earth.

But you were concerned. Should you return the favor? Was it offensive that you hadn’t? Had you made him feel unloved? Sure, you loved running your hands through his hair but you didn’t do it as often as he did. Or should you preen his wings? Would that make him uncomfortable?

Sighing you figured you’d leave the subject for later, there was only so much you could accomplish right now. You would have to spend more thinking about it.

The conclusion you came to was that you should return the gesture. You hadn’t quite figured out how you would do that but you thought that then you would see an opportunity arise eventually.

Eventually came a lot sooner than expected. The day had come to an end and you were headed over to Hawk’s place to surprise him by making dinner. You knew he was home he had text you when he got off patrol. It was a surprisingly short day for him.

You had the key to his place so you let yourself in, placing the groceries in the kitchen. Looking around you didn’t see Keigo anywhere. A noise from the master bathroom alerted you to where he was. Walking in you hadn’t expected the scene in front of you.

Hawks sat perched on the edge of the tub, wings spread out his torso turned and hands moving through his bright red feathers. Well normally they were bright red, at the moment they were covered in mud. Keigo turned and looked at you like a kid with their hand in the cookie jar.

“Kei?” You questioned.

“Uhh, hey sweetie.” He said flashing you an innocent smile, wings fluttering but didn’t have much movement with all of the mud on them. “What are you doing here?”

“I was going to make you dinner as a surprise.” You said staring at his wings, the feathers were sticking in different places in some areas. “What happened here?”

“Oh, it’s a long story. The short version is there was an incident with a mud puddle.” He said sheepishly.

“Looks like the mud puddle won that fight.” You teased. “How did that happen?”

“Villain in the park. The rain left it pretty messy out there.” He explained.

“Poor thing.” You said walking towards him. Standing over him you took his face in your hands.

“You can start dinner if you want while I finish up here.” He said looking up at you with soft eyes.

An idea popped in your head. This was finally the time.

“Can I help?” You questioned.

A look of surprise covered his face along with a light blush.

“You don’t have to-” He started but you wouldn’t have it.

“I want to if that’s okay with you.” You questioned. You knew that his wings were sensitive. You had avoided touching them too much not wanting to bother him. There was a chance he might be uncomfortable at the idea of you touching his wings.

You couldn't lie you loved his wings. They were so stunning, so unique. You could never look away and you had thought about running your hands through them more than you'd like to admit, learning every edge and curve of them.

“I don’t mind.” He said scooting over making space for you. Before you joined him you grabbed some clean washcloths before running some warm water in the bath. Sitting down you straddled the edge of the tub, one foot in the water and the other on solid ground.

With his wings over the tub, you wet the washcloth and held it looking at the brilliant wings in front of you debating where to start. It made the most sense to start at the top and work your way down.

Smoothing the cloth over the patagium, had you done a lot of research on the terminology of birds wings? Yes, your boyfriend had wings what else were you supposed to do? It was just a really just a fancy word for the skin that covered the top of his wings.

“Is this okay?” You asked. You could feel how tense Keigo was in front of you, you hoped you weren’t doing this wrong.

“More than okay.” He said letting out a sigh. “I’m just not used to anyone touching my wings.”

The mud there was mostly dried at the base of his wings and it took a few attempts to get it to loosen up. There was some mud that was especially stuck in his feathers, you applied a little more pressure earning a groan from your boyfriend.

“I’m sorry,” You said pulling your hand back.

“Don’t be that felt amazing.” He hummed. He was starting to loosen up and feel more relaxed now.

You cleaned down the wrist of his wings and to the wingtip, once the top of his wings was cleaned you moved through the layers of coverts down to his secondary feathers. It was nice running the cloth through his beautiful feathers. As more mud was gone you let go of the cloth and used your hands to brush out the rest of the dirt. You were amazed by how soft his feathers were. Right now you would never think that they would be able to become so strong and dangerous. By the time you had almost cleaned off all of the mud, Keigo was nearly leaning on you.

“That feels nice, pretty bird?” You teased looking down at him as he rested the back of his head against your chest.

The last thing you expected as an answer was the soft coo that came from him.

Keigo’s eyes shot open and his face turned red with embarrassment as he covered his mouth.

“Was that?” You questioned but he cut you off.

“Please pretend that didn’t happen.” He said covering his face.

“How am I supposed to forget the cutest thing I’ve ever heard?”

“Stop teasing me.” He whined.

“I’m really not for once.” You said your hand covering one of his on his face, smoothing your thumb over his skin. “That was adorable. I didn’t know you could make noises like that.”

“I don’t usually.” He sighed, moving his hands. He sat up looked at you but kept your hand on his. “I used to do it as a kid when I got excited or if I was really comfortable. It’s so embarrassing I learned how to stop but I guess it just slipped out.”

“I love it.” You said you wouldn’t let your boyfriend feel bad for doing something that was natural to him. “Don’t ever feel embarrassed to do it around me.”

Keigo smiled at you, not a cocky smirk or one of excitement. It was gentle and soft, it made you feel like you were wrapped up in his arms.

“C’mon, let me help you dry them off.” You said standing up and grabbing a towel before sitting down on his bed. He followed sitting in front of you. In all truth, Hawks probably could have shaken his wing and had them dry in a moment but you weren’t trying to let this moment end. And you could bet that he was thinking the same thing. It never ceased to amaze you how something so simple could make you feel so much closer to someone.

His feathers dried fast and once they did you reluctantly put the towel aside ready to tell him you were done but he spoke before you could.

“Do you think you could-” He stopped for a moment before speaking again. “Uh, run your fingers through my feathers for a while?”

It was so rare to see Hawks anything but sure of himself. It was something you cherished, the thought that you could have an effect on him like that. Not to mention it only felt fair considering all the times he made you flustered.

“Of course, baby.” You said smiling at him softly. “Come here”

Laying down Keigo followed you, his body over yours. Resting his head against your chest he let out a sigh before you even touched his wings. His wings folded against his back. You wrapped your arms around his neck, hands reaching for the top half of his wings.

It was relaxing to run your hands through the way too soft feathers. You wondered if he used conditioner for them.

“I love you so much.” He sighed against your skin.

For Keigo, this had been the last thing he expected. He wouldn't lie and say that he never thought of asking you to help him clean his wings or even just run your hands through them. He thought about it a lot. More than he'd like to admit. But he was always so nervous that you wouldn't want to, or worse that his wings weirded you out. It's not like it was normal.

This small gesture had meant far more than you probably even understood. Not only was it a way for the two of you to grow even closer but it fulfilled the care that had never received as a child. His own parents had given him up and things had only gotten worse from there. He never had someone take care of him.

But now he had you and he promised himself he would do anything for you.

“I love you too, Kei.” Your heart never failed to flutter at those words.

You continued the gentle motion, hands brushing over the red feathers and at times between them. His wings relaxed and rested against him. It didn’t take long for the soft cooing sound you heard era lier to return. It was overwhelming the amount of emotion that flooded through you knowing that he trusted you that much.

Laying there with his weight and warmth against you along with the sound of his quiet coos it was hard not to get tired. His arms wrapped around you holding you close.

“I think we might need to order take out.” He mumbled against you, you could practically feel his smirk.

“Mmhm.” You hummed in reply. Food was the last thing on your mind. All you wanted to do was lay here with your boyfriend and never move again. A late nap sounded perfect. If you woke up at once in the morning and had to make a chicken nugget run, it would be a small price to pay to stay here with him and rest.

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