#if I’m not ppl should like tell me bc I am genuinely curious. bc ppl did seem to know who I was at some point esp on here?

[taketheringtolohac]

also I’m in the tag for kcbm now and it’s so wild to me that like. You don’t have to scroll very far to find me. which idk ig I was very prominent at one point but by the time it was all over I hadn’t rlly posted at all in over a year. So if it’s sort of wild to see that I am still There even if I had tapered off in some ways

[lesbianlenas]

do you ever wish you liked men sexually and romantically? or are you only thankful and happy to be a lesbian?

ok short answer is no i feel so blessed & grateful to be a lesbian. but long answer for if u r genuinely curious bc i did feel that way for a long time when i was younger & i can tell u why i don’t feel like that anymore. so like when i was 16-17 (& if u were following me in 2017 in particular & have an insanely good memory u may remember somehow) but i used to make posts abt it too but at the time i was calling myself bi & i would say that like oh i’m not attracted to men rn but i will be one day bc at the time i hated the idea of being gay & ppl knowing i was attracted to girls so i was like really obsessed w the idea that i would one day be magically attracted to men so no one would ever have to know abt that. & like i did the standard like picking out boys in my classes to be like i should have a crush on him sort of thing and i had since i was very little like copied my friends whenever they said they liked a boy i would too kind of thing. but like by the time i was 13 i knew i was gay & for a lot of reasons i really didn’t want to be so i was just in denial abt it after and doing that stuff to convince myself i wasnt. & it wasn’t until i was 18 that i was like i can’t keep lying to myself abt this & even then i was still like this is so unfair i don’t want to be gay etc. it was more so when i really started centering my life around women & focusing on feminism that i was like actually it is a blessing to not have to center my life around any man esp given the experiences that a lot of my female family members had w men and that i had had w my dad. like when i had been considering my life thru a heteronormative lens the idea of getting married was miserable to me & i was refusing to learn how to cook & stuff bc i didn’t want to be a housewife so much. and i know that is tied to my lesbianism but realizing that i could be happy & fulfilled w/o a man and that i could love & be loved by other women instead like fully accepting the fact that i was a lesbian & for the first time starting to not feel ashamed abt it i was like actually this is great for me. growing up going to catholic school & my family being conservative & stuff i never even considered any other options for myself other than like growing up & marrying a man & p much having that option taken from me was actually so freeing bc i felt very trapped by it. and i began to feel so much more comfortable in myself once i stopped feeling the need to like present myself for men or think abt what they thought of me. so genuinely i wouldn’t give up being a lesbian for anything i would never ever choose to be straight. i love being a lesbian & i fully believe my life is way better bc of it. like i could die alone etc & i would still be glad i was born a lesbian idc. & tbh wish i could go back 10 yrs ago to when i was crying abt it & repressed it & tell myself how happy i am abt it now…….so like yeah long answer is i used to but i never will again ❤️

[bcofl0ve]

🔥 Hey, first time sending an anon here. I’m coming from a neutral and peaceful place when I ask what I’m about to ask- just genuinely curious. Is there anything from your side of the fandom that irks you and is there any parts of the other side of the fandom that you low key agree with?

I’m asking not so much to be combative or cause drama…I’m just genuinely fascinated by this fandom. I’m a little removed as I’m a fan of Austin but not as die hard as you and his following (I’d say I’m pretty casually a fan). I lurk bc I had do some research for a project (I’m in the industry but not like some huge deal or anything) and I got the most sucked into the Kaustin rabbit hole compared to other fandoms as my research started around awards seasons so…here I am still checking in and curious about both sides all of these months later 😅

Being both a bit removed and being in the industry…in all bluntness and fairness, I find both sides get a few things wrong, fill in blanks with a narrative that suits their opinion, and has a few stretches of the imagination/over simplifications about the complexities of the industry and human dynamics and relationships. And obviously nobody can be 100% right about people they don’t know (hell, even about ppl we DO know we can make wrong assumptions). Plus when things get dramatic to an “ us vs them” extent it’s all too human to get further tunnel vision about your own beliefs and opinions. So I’m curious if there’s anything good or that you agree with on the other side and anything about your side that you side eye.

For what it’s worth, I don’t think they’re PR. But I also think their body language is off and do believe they’re in different places in their life for it to work out long term. I’m not telling you YOU should take my side and agree as much as I’m trying to level with ya and show my hand as I do truly come in peace here and see some aspects to both sides from my perspective. And if that’s not proof enough, here’s a bonafide peace offering: while I see good and bad and right and wrong to both sides…Pappi Austin and their at least 4-20 accounts all with caplocked insults are unhinged AF lol. I promise I see bad on their side (which I’m highlighting bc that’s one of the worst parts of that side of the fandom from my POV. I get I’m asking you and by proxy YOUR side this tough question, hence I wanted to share that part lol).

So if you’re up for it, anything you low key agree with or appreciate from their side, anything you think is off or you’re not as on board with on your side, and hell do you have any nuanced thoughts on all of it that wouldn’t naturally come up (not like a put down on either side or a compliment but just…thoughts you haven’t gotten to document that are related to this question).

Thanks for reading and thanks a bunch if you answer.

omg your first anon welcome to the crazy show hahaha. and no worries about your opinion, i have a dear friend in the twitter fandom who is in your camp there. she knows my take, i know hers and we get along just fine bc we simply talk about other things 99% of the time lolll.

my thing with certain folks on the other side that gen idk, makes me sad. is that i do think there are a select number of folks that are like. genuinely worried about austin thinking he’s being trapped in a pr relationship. and i know that worry is coming from *some* place of care for him, even if it’s severely misguided. over on twitter there’s a lot of twitter accounts that seem to be folks who maybe didn’t grow up with the internet of today, and don’t have tiptop media literacy and it *kills* me that people like pappiaustin got their hooks into those folks/has these poor people convinced an actor they love is miserable and trapped in a horrible relationship.

and as much as i do, right now, think she’s the one…shit happens and life twists and turns and that might change someday. i said a few months ago that i think a hypothetical breakup would probably be fueled by kaia having a midnight rain by taylor swift moment, and still think that. she’s so young. you will never see me deny that!

as for our side? i do think we could pick where to dig our heels in better sometimes, and we VERY much includes me. but like. they aren’t engaged right now. probably. and that’s okay! i don’t think they’re secretly engaged and when i see someone double down on thinking they are i cringe. 😅

i think ppl who aren’t anti kaia can also be really over protective of austin even about things that aren’t related to her and cross boundaries in that area at times.

like- i was in a group chat when lisa died where someone was more or less hypotheticalling about exactly how austin heard the news/how he reacted and it made me really really uncomfortable. and i mean i had fleeting thoughts on that i won’t lie. but sharing them in a huge group chat where you’re more or less writing fanfic…icky. i’m so grateful for my friends who i talked with one on one those awful two weeks because having that space to unpack my worry for him without bringing it to the masses kept my head screwed on.

also hey, speaking more generally i baby him too sometimes. but you gotta be self aware of when you’re being too much! self awareness is a gift and more people should use it!

[yunogf]

dang, i literally said i was genuinely curious because, yes, i am not his fan, so that’s why i saw none of what you’ve mentioned so far. understandable now, considering what you said about the company. additionally, i get that you’re not critics. you don’t even really have to be to notice if an album really is that good, though...? but i didn’t technically ask y’all for any of that. all i said was that i saw none of it, which made me a little skeptical because, as you said again, i’ve been disillusioned by other fans who overhype some other idols for some (subjectively) lackadaisical works. i’ve not made up my mind about his work. that’s how you perceived my words, but they were not even about his work — it was about the fans’ reception of it. i was merely being neutral about it because, as i said, i’m not his fan, and i’ve yet to really delve into him alone (i’ve listened to some nct songs), so naturally i’m not gonna believe the fans’ hackneyed reaction of “aoty” or “soty” and whatnot. i never said anything along the lines of how y’all should enjoy your music, though, so idk where your gripes about my statements came from. i merely voiced out my ways of enjoying them, and how i was yet to see one that checked my boxes — not that y’all “should” be checking them at all. it was my expression, which i elaborated on because you felt the need to be somehow defensive of my question, which i guess can be understandable, but i was by no means criticizing y’all in any way. idrk where you got the impression :/ anyway, thanks for the effort in telling me those things you noticed and knew about his album. that’s a good thing if he’s really into his craft. i did see one comment talking about how he’s upping the ante with debut albums in k-pop. ofc i’d still have to listen it for myself, but i’m someone who likes to hear of what others have to say about something, just for the sake of having a hint of what i’m getting into. that’s all. my bad if y’all took that in a bad light. not my intention.

i'm still sensing the same tone but that's okay i'm not mad by any means i do feel defensive yes bc u approached me saying u weren't excited at all so my "perception" was that u had ur mind made up already which ig is a matter of misinterpration on my part but u did say u like to hear other ppls opinions to give u a hint of what ur abt to listen to which i think lends credence to my point but i digress . if or when u listen to it i hope u enjoy it! i did! <3 and if u do listen to it and want to talk abt the songs i'd love to hear!

[faeriefulmoon]

are u ok with all the girls/half naked models ur boyfriend follows? i don’t mean any disrespect by this- it’s something that i’ve struggled with in my past 2 relationships. my ex refused to unfollow those kinds of girls even though i was clearly upset about it. my current bf doesn’t follow any girls, but i’ve seen that he used to like their photos before we started dating and a month after we started dating. he stopped and i told him that it’s not ok with me, but sometimes i still think about it or wonder if he likes them and i just don’t see it. it honestly triggers me so bad and i get so insecure and mad. i’m just curious if it genuinely doesn’t bother you at all, or how you don’t take it too seriously or allow it to cause problems? 🤍

no disrespect taken! i am okay with the girls he follows because we established pretty early on in our relationship that finding other ppl attractive is normal. if i find someone else hot that doesn’t mean i want that specific person and that im going to cheat on my bf to be with that person. other people can be hot and yet their attractiveness doesn’t take away from what i feel towards my bf and how attractive i perceive him. and i know he feels the same because we’ve discussed this.

appreciating beauty is normal and in my opinion human nature and in the end a very superficial thing. i know that at the end of the day, our relationship is built on much more than our looks and that’s how i know it won’t break because of looks.

but i also want to say that every relationship is different and what works for one relationship won’t for another. every relationship must create their own boundaries and if this is something that u find is a deal breaker don’t shame urself for it!

however if u feel that this is something u want to change about urself than i encourage u to maybe put my theory to the test to prove that finding someone attractive doesn’t mean everything. for example i am obsessed with this male kpop idol named hyunjin from the group stray kids and i find him so cool and so hot. but i would never cheat on my bf with this guy just bc i simply find him cool and hot (also the likelihood of me even meeting him is slim to none). but just bc i find him hot doesn’t mean i think of my bf as less hot. so try to find a celeb, model, singer or actor that u find hot and notice how u feel regarding ur bf and how it doesn’t change ur love.

also maybe u should try talking to ur bf about all this in an open and honest manner just to understand each other better. communicating is so important, so tell him ur insecurities and worries he may help put them to rest. i hope this helps <3 if u have more questions pls feel free asking me :)

[its-deputy-caleb]

Hey just umm why do you like Far Cry 6 so much? 😅 I thought it was terrible and I don't know why you would leave your other fandoms for it

I'm not trying to be mean or rude, just curious thx

Hi anon, I’m just gonna go on a small tangent here so I can explain some things and maybe get some stuff off my chest. Hope this is okay <3 and that people will read this and support or at least understand where I’m coming from

Firstly, I just want to note I’ve always loved Far Cry! It was one of my first proper fandoms I ever wrote for or became a part of. I never really left it and its probably always been and will continue to be my favourite game series. So I just wanna be clear I have never ditched a fandom to write for FC6, I’ve liked Far Cry well before this blog existed.

Secondly, I actually loved Far Cry 6 just as much, if not more than the other games and its quickly become one of my favourite obsessions.

I love the characters so much, I love that there was a character (Dani) to play as with the third person cut scenes and the interactions between characters. I love the missions and the scenery, the photo mode is just amazing and I think the game is gorgeous (along with its characters). The setting in Yara, the scale of the map, the customisation and choices in vehicles/weapons/outfits are some of the things I love as well as Ubisoft’s attempt to be more inclusive with female and queer characters.

And not to mention how cute the amigos are!

I know Far Cry is infamous for its villains— I get it, the Seeds are hot, Pagan is a legend and Vaas and Hoyt are totally insane and everyone, including me loves them. But for me personally, since I didn’t connect w the villain as much this time I ended up loving all the heroes/anti-villains in the game. I have some obvious favourites but I’ve never been bothered by the fact its the good guys that I like more this time. That doesn't mean I found it disappointing at all.

One thing I try to do with all games, but Far Cry especially bc its my favourite, is to not compare it or play with any expectations. FC6 is not the same as FC5 or 4 or 3 and that’s perfectly okay— it’s not supposed to be. I think comparing it to everything we loved about the other games means you’re never going to like it. I know there will always be folks who don’t like it, hell there are games that I didn’t enjoy, and I am mutuals with ppl that love it.

All I want to say is I personally ended up loving 6 because I knew it wasn’t the same as the other games. I just played it for how it is and I loved it. Simple as that.

People should always play games they enjoy and love regardless of popular opinion. If you like the most popular game on the internet rn, that’s awesome! But don’t shame people who enjoy the less popular ones at the same time— I don’t think its fair.

Your opinion and feelings on a game aren’t always shared by everyone— if you didn’t like a game, that’s perfectly okay. Not everyone is going to love it and if you have genuine critiques I also think that it’s great that you picked up on some of the flaws and errors that every game is going to have.

Personally, there are some parts of every game that I dislike more than others— far cry is no exception and I know they all have their weak points but that’s okay! I still love all of them and I adore replaying them again and again.

But its not up to you to tell everyone you hated a game. In doing that, you may ruin or upset it for others. There is always going to be someone, whether they have an online presence or not that really really loved a game you didn’t. Those characters, story-lines and game play are just as special to them, as those comfort characters in a different game are special to you.

Just because a game isn’t to your liking, doesn’t mean you can discredit those folks who love it.

And with that, I know there’s a pocket of people who really loved Far Cry 6 just as much as the rest of the franchise (myself included) and I am more than happy to keep writing for those characters knowing that only a small group will like and reblog because it makes me happy. 

Thirdly, to your final point about leaving fandoms anon.

Personally I don’t really leave fandoms. Just because I don’t interact with content as much or reblog content doesn’t mean I’m not apart of those fandoms— I’m just someone who hyper fixates and I like to focus on one thing at a time (something I’m sure everyone understands)

But there is another layer to it all and I won’t sugar coat it. I am brunt out.

This blog is my happy place, and my safe space to share content w my followers. I open requests because I want to interact with people and I also love writing and feeling validated and connected with others in a fandom.

However, writers and artists alike aren’t here to pump out content. I can’t and shouldn’t have to write fic after fic because its what people want or expect. There is almost a hundred asks in my inbox, and whilst this is okay— lots of them don’t seem interested beyond stating their request without saying much else. 

As a writer it can feel discouraging and lonely even. I love writing but I’m someone that values appreciation and connection over any amount of likes, asks and reblogs. And it’s why I have moved away (not left!!) but moved away from bigger fandoms.

I would honestly rather write for a less popular game with small amounts of mutuals/friends where I feel loved, valued and appreciated than to feel pressured to work on head cannons every day.

My blog has always been my space, my escape, and I will always move to a place where I am happy. Right now, it's Far Cry that makes me feel that way.

Sure, Far Cry 6 is far from perfect but I love it sm and that’s all I’ve wanted this blog to be about— video games that make me happy :)

I hope this answers your curiosities anon, and thank you sm to the folks that took the time to read this ilysm <3 Hopefully everyone can be respectful of my choices. We’re all here to have fun online and to act like adults about it.

[spidersbane]

Hey , I was wondering if u still do HP ships (if yes , cud u pls do a male HP ship for me ? Thanks!) Well actually , I am a mix of Gryffindor and Slytherin , I have black hairs , brown eyes . I m 5'4.

Firstly , I m an extrovert . I love reading novels and I get attracted to unusual / taboo things a lot . I m very curious and eccentric . I am also quite rebellious and have frequent debates with my close ones . I stand up for the right . I m not much a big fan of rules (incase they are stupid , mostly they are..) . I can a bit shy (in front of boys sometimes) at first but once comfortable I can't stop talking . I am quite a practical person . Also , I am quite ambitious . I have many hobbies like dancing , reading , horseriding , researching , etc .

People usually tell me that I don't talk much . I m very honest and very loyal . I m very helpful and kind too . But I can be over - critical(of ones I care) and very suspicious (of everyone) . I can also vengeful . I may forgive my close ones but I'll never forget (I don't hold grudges tho) . I love excitement and adventure . I want someone who can take me on sudden late night camps . I also love brain stimulating situations . I am resourceful and my friends always come to me for advice. I don't have much problem in deciding . I can be insecure so I need someone to reassure me . I also tend to overthink a lot sometimes . I have a habit of googling everything that I want to know or if it's being talked about and I am clueless . I also have many ideas running through my mind constantly and I have trouble sleeping early at night. I don't like getting up early , but I dont hate it since it drags me back to my daily timetable . I can get annoyed or angry very easily. I tend to somewhat procrastinate about things I don't enjoy doing . But if I enjoy doing something I won't hesitate in hardworking . I m caring , protective of my loved ones and a good speaker (avg listener too) .I don't need someone who'll protect me , I feel I m capable but I need someone who'll be with me all the time . I also love it if they get jealous sometimes . I am also appreciated for my sense of humour. I tend to be the one who won't give attention to the ones who seek it . Also , my friends tell me that I come out to be quite unique . I am very independent and I don't commit easily or trust easily (I take my own sweet time) . My sun sign is Virgo if that helps 😅

Lol , I kept going with the flow . I hope it's not too much for u . But anyways , tysm for u time :)

hi sweet anon ! thank you for being so patient w me while i worked on this. i'm finally back into the groove of things and churning these out like nobody's business lol. but thanks for sending in a request, it's absolutely not too much info (bc i love learning about you guys!) and I hope you enjoy !

For Harry Potter (Marauders Era) - I ship you with Remus Lupin !

my softest boi Lupin, I adore him, and I have a suspicion that he'd adore you too !

so first, I love the idea of introvert/extrovert relationships, friendships, etc. and I think they make lovely pairs, so there's that going for y'all. second, Remus is incredibly intelligent and also needs someone who can keep up with him intellectually, plus, he's always looking for some new thing to be learning. so now, y'all just get to be learning new things together ! study dates !

on protectiveness and reassurance - Remus gets typecast as the wet-blanket friend, but I don't think this fits him. he cares deeply about the people he loves, and is willing to get into shenanigans w them. but it doesn't mean he coddles them. he's just there in a way that any friend should be. so with you, he wouldn't try to smother you, and in his own ways, he'll need his own reassurance! but as long as there are boundaries about what's reassurance and when it's constricting, then it'll balance nicely

you and Remus both vibe together on the fact that you're suspicious of ppl you don't know, and it can take you both a wile to potentially open up to each other. but once he realizes you can accept him for his condition, and that he can accept you for who you are, then it'll be a very secure relationship

also tell me you wouldn't love to take Remus dancing :)

For Harry Potter (Golden Era) - I ship you with George Weasley !

can we just start with rebelliousness and eccentric hobbies ? George is a little more reserved than Fred, but it doesn't diminish his part in pranks at all, and with another rebellious (and practical) mind added to the mix, it's a new trio to watch out for lol

from this, George LOVES excitement and adventure, and it's smth he absolutely thrives on, so he needs someone who can keep up with him and join in; and he'd love to learn about your hobbies, and try to get into them as a way for him to do smth new, but mostly as a way to try and connect w you !

this lil bit of contrast is nice, where you love learning about so many new things and want to be as informed as you can. we don't get to se George caring a whole lot about certain topics, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't give you his absolute attention if you started telling him about a new thing that you learned! and if he can't completely understand it, he's still happy you're out there learning about it anyways

there's like one potential issue tho - George is nothing short of an attention-seeker. although it may sound harsh, he knew that pranks w Fred and being pretty outlandish would get him some attention. but, it helps ppl see him. so between the both of you, it might take a little work, but if you could look past the bravado, you'd find a guy who just genuinely wants to be appreciated and totally seen for who he really is

overall, George might take some getting used to, and it might take some time to really learn how to be around each other as friends, then as partners, but with some open communication, it's totally doable

also George dancing, hello ?? cutest thing ever :)

[gnflorida]

im kinda curious about how benji making an account resulted in him manipulating fans if you'd like to explain a little more :)

cause i get how that would be bad for both sides. i've seen so many people just using that accs dms as therapy session which is,,,not good imo. so yeah thoughts?

sure anon! i’m gonna put this under a cut bc it ended up being pretty long. but here’s my ramble on that little case study, and the danger of parasocial relationships in general:

tw // mention of grooming and sexual harassment (not with a fan but just as a point of discussion)

so we have benji krol and jorge garay. maybe you know them from being kinda relevant on tiktok like a year and a half ago, maybe you remember the accusations that practically ended both of their careers. i’m exposing myself heavy here, but i used to run a stan acct on twitter for them. i know it’s embarassing! i regret it too! typing their names still kinda makes me sick tbh! but i used to see a lot of myself in them, and the community was fun, and it was nice to see what i thought was a healthy queer relationship. we move on.

benji had a very close relationship with his stans, especially after quarantine started. he had multiple private/secret twitter accounts where he would take a very active role in the fandom. he’d spend so long on those accounts, to the point where there were times where we would tell him not to use them (and that in and of itself is very showing of what our dynamic with him was like). he would reply and talk to a lot of ppl on stan twt, myself included, but there was a small groupchat of about a dozen people that he talked to very regularly. he would tell them things that were meant to be kept secret even from other stans, and in some cases things that we know for certain he didn’t even tell some of his closest friends.

because they were so close with benji, these stans obviously got a lot of clout within the fandom (as they should have too! they were mostly all rly nice, i’m still moots w a few). but what was going essentially unnoticed there was just how much manipulation was occurring. i honestly don’t believe it was even fully intentional on benji’s part. but over the course of more than a year he manipulated them into defending him against almost every negative accusation he faced. these people would have screenshots and receipts from him personally, ready to pull him out of all potential drama or criticism. and he did this by presenting their relationship as a mutual friendship, as if there wasn’t a blatant and vast imbalance of power.

and then one day last august, the allegations came out. jorge, who was 18, was accused of grooming another influencer who was 15 at the time, and benji was accused of enabling and even contributing to the grooming. over the course of the following days and weeks, as it became apparent that these alleged events did actually happen, the fandom was forced to collectively reevaluate the things that had been going on for over a year, and how we had all ended up in a situation where we unknowingly supported those people. since then, various other information has surfaced that implies that benji himself was somewhat unaware of what was happening. you can watch his yt vdeo if you’re interested in hearing his defense, and the reason he’s not canceled off the face of the earth like jorge is. but the degree to which he may or may not be innocent is not really my focus here.

i cannot begin to express the shock of spending so long idolizing someone, genuinely learning a lot about who they are, only to have something so significant and disgusting revealed about them like that. everyone in the fandom kind of compared receipts and took an outside look at what had been happening and realized just how harmful the close relationship with benji had been. to quote one of my rant tweets from august 22nd: “i just feel so stupid because i would always say ‘we shouldn’t act like we really know them’ and. here i am sobbing anyways bc i still put too much trust in these people who are rly just fucking strangers”. and there were several dozens of people that were much closer to him and much more personally affected than me. plus hundreds of others that were involved in the fandom.

and that brings me into my main point here. this is a firsthand account of a very extreme example of manipulation within a parasocial relationship. i think benji did genuinely care about his fans, even if it was in a very self-indulgent and egotistical manner. but caring about your fans does not do anything to negate the harm that is done by manipulating your relationship with them.

it’s not that a fan doesn’t know what a given content creator is really like, because a lot of them do present their honestly selves to a considerable degree. it’s that there is no way to know what things you don’t know about a CC. no way to tell what will surface tomorrow and completely change your entire perception of them. and no way to interact with them on equal grounds. and because of this, i am extremely wary of any CC who presents their relationship with their fans as one of friendship, especially when a large amount of those fans are minors. it’s not inherently wrong persay, but it’s more dangerous than i think a lot of fans or CCs realize.

[shibalen]

[1/3] Hi~ May I pls request a Magi + KnY romantic male matchup? I'm a 5'0 hetero fem. I love to draw & sing especially! (I sing opera & I wanna be a voice teacher) I often take endless pics of the sunset and sea bc it's so pretty. I dislike bossy ppl. Quirk: I have a red birthmark on my arm shaped like Alaska lol! To strangers, I'm quiet, shy, friendly, and kind of a loner bc I'm rlly awkward (plus I value my time alone) I easily open up to funny ppl tho.

[2/3] In private, I'm more chill, funny & playful, especially w/ family. I can joke around them a lot. I have a short temper but I forgive just as quickly. I tend to smile or laugh a lot if I'm feeling embarrassed, sometimes I feel stupid for doing so :( I can be hard on myself yet I feel it's necessary to improve. I'm an appreciative person so I'll say thank you like 1000 times lol! I like to be straightforward in relationships even tho I still may be shy. I highly value family & honesty.

[3/3] I'd prefer a s/o who is family-oriented, devoted & genuine. It'd be great if they have a sense of humor too! I'd be the type to sing softly to my s/o while we're alone and close together. Maybe try to lull them to sleep, hehe! Thank you so much! Sorry it was so long, please take your time! I appreciate your hard work! Stay safe and healthy!! (*´︶`*)ﾉ"=͟͟͞͞♡

♡︎ matchup for @ne-nene-ne

bonjour! omg we sound so much alike? idk maybe it's just me? hehe

anyhowdies, thank you for your patience and popping up in my notifications so often! here is your mauchup~

|| magi: i match you with . . .

koumei ren

• since Koumei is not fond of loud and lively people, he would love all of your qualities! you're quiet but still easy to get along with, playful but value family as much as he. someone as well-balanced is a good match for him.

• he completely understands the habit of being hard on oneself. i feel like he's like that as well (hence all those hours of work) while he can appreciate your need to improve, he never fails to check up on you, ensuring you're not being overly critical of yourself.

• you wish he could do the same for himself because the words 'enough sleep' and 'self care' do not apparently belong into this man's vocabulary. you gotta gently remind him to eat and take a bath.

• also pls lull him to sleep, he needs it. all those late nights planning military strategies have done their part so your heavenly voice is the only thing that can put him at ease.

• you can just be talking and he already finds himself relaxing.

• he's eternally grateful to you for coming into his life ♡︎

• Komei is incredibly devoted and would never dream of betraying you. if he comes back late, know he was not out doing anything unfaithful but once again got emerged in planning tactics.

• he knows you get angry at him sometimes for it so he will try to make it up to you by any means!

• your first meeting was at an arranged marriage. your arranged marriage. it was something neither of you wanted at first and honestly it was pretty awkward with both of you being more reserved (ーー;)

• it wasn't until you bumped into each other in the drawing room that you began talking about your shared interests and growing closer.

• since then drawing became reserved for spending quality time together and relaxing.

• Koumei got a tad insecure though when he realised he had fallen in love with you although you were already married. he knew he was inferior when it came to appearances and quite sloppy in mannerisms compared to his brothers, poor thing.

• thankfully you caught onto that quite quickly and reassured him you loved him just the way he was ♡( ◡‿◡ )

• for someone so smart Koumei had no idea what to do except stand there with butterflies in his stomach and heart warming up so much the heat reached to his cheeks.

• he may appear like a gentleman, but once you've gotten past that layer you'll find out he has quite the sense of humor.

• you can joke around with him all you want as long as it's about nothing too inappropriate. you should also expect some light-hearted teasing, hehe

• i'm sorry to say this but occasionally your height will be targeted, he can't help but rest his hand on your head. it's cute, it's vulnerable, it's free real estate!

• if you get annoyed by this he'll just feign innocence . . .

• "could you stop using me as your armrest?"

• "armrest? what are you talking about? i am simply expressing my love for you through physical affection, my dear :)"

• more than teasing though, Koumei likes complimenting you. he will ruffle your hair affectionately, tell you what a good job you've done, how pretty you you look. you might think it's just flattery but rest assured all of these come from his heart!

• look no further because Koumei will use his status to show you the most beautiful sceneries in Kou.

• sunsets from high towers, a wide view of the ocean from imperial ships. when you've got a bit more time he'll carry you through the skies at twilight with his djin equip.

• sneaky bastard might just do a few stunts to have you cling onto him tighter (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

• he prefers staying indoors during his free time so he'd be more than happy to listen to you practice opera singing.

• sometimes he goes outside to feed pidgeons and invites you along. those are such peaceful moments when you can talk about your worries or just admire how nice the weather is.

• Koumei lowkey prays you won't get into fights with Kouen or Kouha because they're both really bossy and you have a short temper.

• but because family is important for them as well, you'll learn to get by. he's so happy.

• though when will you start to think about having your own family? that's a question for later date because at the moment all Koumei wants is to live a happy, comfortable life with you ♡︎

runner up: Alibaba Saluja

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

|| kimetsu no yaiba: i match you with . . .

tanjirō kamado

• you guys have such matching sweetheart energies that i had to put you together!

• you also have the same values of family and honesty which makes your relationship all the stronger. you both respect each other and there is nothing but trust in your communication.

• your first meeting happened when you were teamed up together for a mission along with Zenitsu and Inosuke. Zenitsu immediately, of course, got googly eyed for you and feral boy Inosuke wanted to fight you.

• you started feeling awkward with so much going on but Tanjirō quickly got them to give you space.

• he approached you so kindly, understanding you were shy in this new situation.

• it took little time for you to open up to the Kamaboko gang, seeing as how bizarre they are, but Tanjirō was special from the beginning. needless to say, he was curious about you as well |ω-o)

• you two hit it off so well and continued to hang out after the mission. he never pressured you to talk and his patience felt almost godsent. with every new bit he learnt about you Tanjirō found himself becoming more and more enamoured with you.

• he finds your playful yet relaxed mannerisms so pleasant. you're like his sanctuary whenever he needs a break from the restless world around him. he knows he can tell you everything and anything and you'll listen.

• Tanjirō absolutely loves pampering you! you're such a lovely person that all he wants is to make sure you receive back all the positivity that you spread around.

• he won't judge you for your short temper, i mean he's friends with Inosuke after all. he'll only ever look at you with sweet, loving eyes.

• if you do have a small argument, you both end up apologising a million times and laughing cause neither of you will stop saying sorry. it's the cutest thing.

• Tanjirō is a bit on the serious side, and it's canon that he's insecure about the trait. it would be so wholesome if you taught him how to loosen up and joke around!

• he'd be clumsy at it at first but gradually get the hang of it.

• his jokes would still be so bad, poor child. you think it's really adorable though and laugh anyway ♡︎

• that proud twinkle in his eyes when he sees he succeeded making you smile is just— asdfghjk so full of love

• will assure you there is never anything wrong with laughing or smiling. your laugh is one of the most beautiful sounds to him so be prepared for a lot of silly jokes.

• please teach this boy to draw, i'm begging

• you and Nezuko are basically like siblings already. Tanjirō's heart swells every time he finds you with Nezuko, braiding her hair, singing to her or even simply giving her headpats.

• it's during times like those especially that he knows he wants to spend the rest of his life together with you.

• won't not brag about it aloud but Tanjirō likes he's the only person that get to hear you sing (aside from Nezuko) it's like your little secret, something that's reserved for him alone

• Zenitsu always grits his teeth seeing what lovebirds you are. though you were both a little shy about it at first, there is almost always some physical affection between you: hand holding, leaning against each other, cute, fluttering kisses.

• his favourite places to kiss you are your forehead and lips. he may get a bit flustered if you do it to him though but that's because he's so happy ♡︎

• !sharing cool scar/birthmark stories!

• "see, it looks like Alaska!"

• ". . . what's an Alaska? is it an animal?"

• "no, it's a land, silly. a very faraway land."

• "oh, i see! we should go there together some day. it'll be great!"

• your dates include many walks and picnics in the forest. he wants to show you all the best views of sunsets and oceans there are!

• i know this sounds corny but Tanjirō will 100% gaze at you instead while you're admiring the scenery. your reaction is just so precious and you look absolutely stunning in the soft light. you can't really blame him for being smitten ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

• he will remind you every day how dear you are to him. with daily but meaningful displays of affection, Tanjirō lets you know he will never leave your side ♡︎

runner up: Kyōjuro Rengoku

i hope you enjoyed! i admit i haven't seen magi in ages so i don't know how well it turned out ㆆ﹏ㆆ but thank you for the kind wishes, and make sure to take time off to breathe ♡︎

[iishmael]

I was tagged by @suckmyballshoney @verstappened thank you lovelies!!! <3 and even though I should be going to bed,,, here I am!!! 

🐳 name: Samantha

🐳 nickname: Sam

🐳 zodiac sign: Aquarius

🐳 height: 5′7 or 170cm 

🐳 nationality: German but I do Not approve

🐳 languages spoken: fluent in german, french, english plus semi-decent spanish. also Bavarian, which the unesco recognises as its own language, and i love to brag about it technically being my first language 

🐳 what time is it: 23:10

🐳 celebrity crush: Lewis Hamilton

🐳 favourite fictional character: Tony Stark 

🐳 favourite musician: Daveed Diggs

🐳 favourite sports team: McLaren Mercedes like it’s the fucking 2000s

🐳 favourite season: autumn

🐳 favourite flower: periwinkle <3

🐳 favourite scent: .... petrol dont @ me 

🐳 favourite animal: ELEPHANTS 

🐳 favourite food: shawarma bc i’m craving it rn 

🐳 dream car: Mercedes G-Class or a Defender

🐳 dream trip: South America, especially Peru, Chile and Bogotá

🐳 instruments: piano and guitar 

🐳 coffee, tea or hot chocolate: tea and coffee equal rights!! i dont like hot chocolate much tho i know im the worst

🐳 dog or cat person: cat tbh unless it’s Lewis dogs lmao

🐳 following: like 500 i think

🐳 followers: dfkjdshfk im 30 away from my next follower goal!! im not popular or anything but i’ve been here a LONG time my dudes

🐳 other blogs: we cram all hyperfixations into this one like men

🐳 blog established: when Jim Moriarty changed my life in 2013

🐳 do you have a tumblr crush: yes but im not gonna tell bc she doesnt know i exist

🐳 do you get asks: sometimes!!! i love it!!!! 

🐳 what is your lucky number: 44 what did you EXPECT

🐳 what are you wearing right now: ,,, a hamilton jumper. the musical, though

🐳 drink of choice: cider lol 

🐳 number of blankets you sleep with: one

🐳 average sleep hours: as many as possible lol, ig 8h

🐳 random fact: im going to write an original novel and i genuinely started it and plot planned it and I’m really supposed to write my thesis but who needs a degree anyways!! it’s going to be a sci fi lesbian adventurey parallel universe novel <3

i’m gonna tag a couple of ppl bc i’m curious but please if you’re uncomfortable with this or with any of the questions there’s NO obligation whatsoever. <3 @fortyfourtonumberone @lilyanna13 @joshiikimmich @hulkardo @onehonoramongstthieves

[aristccrvcy]

( gavin leatherwood, trans male, he/him, fire emblem: three houses ) * &. i know it must be scary for you, ferdinand von aegir, after surviving the takeover. to turn into someone like aeric-ferdinand “ferdie” vittori, a twenty-four year-old actor at castle town centre of theatre & dance, right here in castle town. just remember that you are as sincere as you are opinionated, and to be wary, be safe, be true to who you are : neutral through and through. ( hylia )

         i could never drop him i just. i could Not. i rly couldn’t but i DID ..... want to revamp him a bit so here’s take two on ferdie !! politics, war, death, & divorce tw under the cut !!

BEFORE THE SNAP.  /  F E R D I N A N D  V O N  A E G I R 

So alright. Chances are , if you’ve heard of Ferdinand , it’s because you’ve heard the infamous ‘ I am Ferdinand von Aegir ! ’ quote goin’ around which . . . attributes from. Him introducing himself every time you select him on the battlefield in FE3H. Don’t believe me ?? WATCH. 

...u don’t need to watch that whole thing I’m just tryna get the meme out of the way before I talk abt everything else.

BC ALL JOKES ASIDE I HONESTLY LOVE FERDINAND SOOO MUCH n I promise I’ll take him seriously bc holy fucking shit this character is my babyyyy.

So for STARTERS. Ferdinand is the legitimate son of House Aegir in the Adrestian Empire , which is the house that produces the Empire’s Prime Ministers. Now , here’s the thing ; Ferdinand himself isn’t involved in any of this , but thanks to the Adrestian nobles pretty much stripping the Emperor of their power in the past . . . the Aegir house ( much like the other houses , but Duke Aegir’s implied to have like , spearheaded it ) is pretty damn corrupt.

NOT FERDINAND , THOUGH , considering Ferdinand is actually someone who has very opposing views to his father. Ferdinand , in a nutshell , is basically the snobby noble trope you’re expecting turned upside down crossed over with a Disney prince. That’s the best way i can describe him.

Ferdinand is very aware of his noble status , but he is very steadfast in his opinion of what is truly means to be a noble. He’s well-aware of the difference between nobles & commoners , but where you’d expect him to use that to degrade people of lesser status , he . . . doesn’t. 

Ferdinand strongly believes the duties of a noble constitute of protecting & helping the common people , and that is why they’re so high in status - they’re there to assist and make things better , and not to make things worse , and it absolutely sickens him to his core when there are corrupt nobles who very clearly use their power for selfish & malicious gain. 

Like , he’s confident - he’s very confident and sure of himself , but he isn’t a dick ( in that sense ; he can be kind of a dick , don’t get me wrong ) about it. He’s actually extremely polite & respectful , very kind & genuine - like I really don’t think lying is something that this boy is capable of doing , I really don’t. But he’s humble in the sense that he isn’t afraid to admit when he did something wrong , or that he needs to apologize - IN FACT , a lot of his supports have him apologize for approaching someone wrongly or when he’s accused of something.

One example , he has a support with Dorothea where she tells him that she hates him , and instead of fighting her on it , what he does is he tries to figure out why she hates him so he can better himself and fix something he did wrong. 

Another example , his B-support with Bernadetta has him apologize for spooking her , and he respects her comfort levels by speaking to her on the other side of the door to her room because now he understands that Bernadetta feels extremely scared & uncomfortable during confrontation.

LIKE . . . okay , in the simplest of words , Ferdinand is just good. He’s a good person and he tries his hardest to be better if someone brings it to his attention that he’s doing something wrong.

BUT ALSO . . . the thing is , Ferdinand is also extremely opinionated to the point where he’ll share his thoughts even if not asked ; and sometimes , it comes out. Dickish. Like , really , he’ll criticize anyone if he believes he should because he hates the idea of someone who doesn’t - exemplified in the beginning of his supports with Hubert , where he condemns Hubert for not openly criticizing Edelgard but Ferdinand’s criticism can come out . . . harsh. Like , he’s respectful still , but he’s harsh. And that is because Ferdinand firmly believes in speaking his mind.

His determination also makes him stubborn & extremely competitive to a point where it becomes damn near annoying and this is , because again , he always strives to better himself - even going as far as to declare Edelgard his rival when she . . . really doesn’t think of him as one , and then he gets his ass kicked and runs with his tail between his legs because he lost. He’s. He’s competitive. I will not lie to you. Like he’s great but aLSO... this guy doesn’t. Know. When to let go.

Bt yeah in a nutshell - Ferdinand is a rich guy who criticizes other rich guys for being jerks and not caring abt other people , and he can come off as a dick but ultimately he means well & he is a LOT better than some of these other assholes out there. Ferdinand’s.... he’s just GOOD. 

Bt now that I have the basis of his character out of the way , I want to mention that a major change about him is that I’m changing what route I’m pulling him from - originally , I pulled him from Azure Moon , where if you don’t recruit him you have to kill him at the Great Bridge of Myrddin. So instead , now , I’ll be pulling him from Crimson Flower , where he’s still sided with Edelgard but now she has Byleth & she’s triumphant and everything’s okay on the Empire’s end. But - in other routes - while he’s still with Edelgard , he unfortunately doesn’t make it so if u have AM or VW muses . . . Ferdie didn’t make it.

BUT THAT’S WHAT MAKES THESE THINGS INTERESTINGGGGG and I love it so for that reason ,,, shoves. Ferdinand. In everyone’s direction.

AFTER THE SNAP.  /  A E R I C - F E R D I N A N D  “ F E R D I E ”  V I T T O R I

So the more major changes from his pre-revamp portrayal lie in his CT life - his name’s changed , his occupation’s changed , and almost his entire whole past has changed.

Aeric-Ferdinand Vittori was the only child of a film actor & stage actress , pretty famous people , and he was born with the spotlight on him immediately given that he scored his first role as a child at six years old. Since then , he never really had much of an easy time.

His big break was as a teenager in a teen drama that lasted from when he was fourteen to when he was nineteen , the co-star of a vampire television drama in where his character was a fan-favorite. He ultimately left the show and his character was killed off , and he had some starring roles in other movies & the like before he ultimately moved to Broadway. And in that , he had a bit of an easier time , but he would still often feel like he was about to crack under pressure since all eyes were still on him. He was known as a talented young man with a beautiful singing voice , and unfortunately , everyone wants something to do with you when you have something like that.

His parents were also always in the spotlight because of their very public divorce , and it started to bleed into Ferdinand’s career & public image as well with many people poking their nose into his life and asking his opinion on it. Multiple scandals came out claiming that he leaned one way or the other during it and ultimately , that ruined his relationship with his parents. So at twenty-three , he left the Broadway spotlight , and decided to step out of any light in general for a while.

Settling down in Castle Town , a place where nobody bothered to look , was a good start.

He still loved performing , so he worked as an actor at the local theatre on stage - trying his hardest not to get the big roles and take those up , because he was still a relatively big name & when you’re a big name , people lean into their biases.

And then . . . at this point was where he “woke up”. Because his whole past was fake - but there’s always a point where you realize it is.

He had a girlfriend in Castle Town beforehand that he broke up with due to his paranoia that she’d get caught up in the publicity that he did - Nerissa. And he had parents that he didn’t even talk to anymore , and it threw him for a loop because he was reminded of his father back in Adrestia. And suddenly , he’s no longer a soldier or a noble , but with his celebrity status , he’s basically the closest there is to modern nobility at this point.

So . . . Ferdinand feels. Strange. He always loved the opera & he always loved performances but he never thought of himself as someone who would actually do so. It’s strange , but he likes it.

So now , he’s trying to figure out exactly what the hell happened and how he got here and he’s grown pretty used to people not remembering who he is , but it still . . . hurts.

And THAT is where I end this !! I’m gonna go back 2 my plotting DMs and message more ppl but if this gives u some ideas pls do hit me up bc I love Ferdie SOOOO MUCH and I’m excited for his revamp !!

Also if ur curious ab his old intro still I’ll link it here bc there’s probably some pre-snap stuff I forgot in here that’s in there so !! yes. i’ll b around n will probs try n get an open up soon !!

[puffinmaster246]

Uneducated people aren’t always bad

Not to be controversial but literally everyone has biases and stereotypes.

It’s not fair to hate someone because they accidentally agree w/ a stereotype.

Obviously I’m excluding people who are douchebags about their biases (legitimately hate ppl for stereotypes and refuse to acknowledge they’re wrong)

But overall everyone has biases and everyone acts on them sometimes

One time I was walking to school and I was late so only one faculty member was outside. It was just be and him. He didn’t do anything to provoke me, I don’t even think we made eye contact, but I automatically thought “what if he assaults me.”

I didn’t mean it. I immediately realized I shouldn’t have thought that. But the truth is it happened.

I’ve never experienced assault and no one I am close to has either but I’m just so used to seeing things about men assaulting women that I automatically get a little nervous about it when I’m alone with a man.

It’s wrong. I know it’s wrong. I try to stop it but it still happens

This happens with EVERYONE! I don’t think I’m a bad person for doing that. I recognize that it’s wrong and I don’t hate all men because I think they’re all rapists. It’s just a bias I have

And plenty of women are more likely to assume a woman is telling the truth in a rape case because of bias they might not even realize they have

I don’t think that makes you a bad person. Not at all.

Religions do this with other religions (Jews vs Christians, Christians vs Muslims, etc etc)

Queer people do this with cishets and vice versa

POC people do this with white people and vice versa

It’s not our fault that we have these biases

And I don’t think having these biases makes us bad people.

It just makes us uneducated

And you shouldn’t attack people for being uneducated.

Little detour from the point but I see poc get mad about/joke about when white people ask them where they’re from, and I admit: that’s a weird way to phrase it

But also you know what the person is trying to ask. They’re trying to ask what your ethnicity is. I don’t think it’s so they can put a stereotype and label on you, I think they’re generally curious about your culture/your family’s culture

I don’t think that’s racist. You can be curious. Plenty of white people are curious about other white people’s bsckgrounds too

I think if that happens you shouldn’t respond with “I’m from America” or “I was born here” but rather something more like “well I was born in America but ethnically I’m ____” because that’s actually what the person’s asking. And then you can explain to them why their wording is weird

Because some people don’t realize! If you grow up around a certain type of people you don’t understand the rules for interacting with other peoples because you’re just not exposed to it!

My father thought tr*nny was an okay term to use because he never heard that it wasn’t (it was socially acceptable when he was growing up). When I told him he couldn’t say that he apologized and never said it again

I didn’t realize “hermaphrodite” was an offensive term for intersex people because I’d only heard of it from my mom and when she was in med school that’s what the name for it was. I was scolded for saying that by someone and told it was offensive. I don’t use it anymore. (I think the person could’ve been a little more polite tho bc it’s not like that’s common knowledge but that’s irrelevant)

The point of this long tangent is that when you’re not educated on certain subjects it’s very easy to make mistakes. Instead of yelling at people for making those mistakes you should calmly inform them what they did and why it’s wrong!

And I’m not saying you should be okay with the shitty stuff people say and I’m definitely not telling you that if you’re biased against certain people that it’s totally uncalled for and you’re awful. I’m just saying you should try to be aware of it and try and work on it

Because of course there are always going to be people who are legitimately just assholes, but I promise you there are plenty of people who genuinely don’t mean the things they say

((If you want to respond to this do NOT be rude. If you say anything foul or aggressive I will block you))

[omanu]

ok. im feeling some type of way and it's time for trigger warning suicide depression n idk how to put the read more thing anymore so here we go (i say this as if ppl are here,, I'm p sure 90% of my followers are inactive)

so, lately I've been thinking about ugliness and how I can't stand that I am a true ugly person. like, in appearance, im pretty much what ppl would call ugly. and this is something humans created I know, but it is what it is, and just bc it is made up, it doesn't mean i don't suffer from it. and i don't like when ppl go out of their way to tell me im not ugly, bc i know how I am treated bc of my appearance. my entire life I was treated as an ugly person, so I am, and I know it, I know what I'm talking about, I'm not,, trying to fish for compliments bc I know some ppl genuinely might think I'm not ugly, but actually, if you are my online friend you just don't know how i look and, as for my irl friends they tell me that bc im a nice person and they like me. but, objectively, im hideous. so. yeah. im ugly.

i find myself accepting this reality unconsciously, sometimes I don't care, sometimes i don't think about it, sometimes is all I think about. and my ugliness is related to fatphobia and racism and just fuckin asymmetry, a picturesque thing, if you studied art just a little you know what I mean. so, anyway, sometimes I think i can pull it off when I'm skinnier but I've never been happier about how ugly I look no matter how fat or skinny I've been, and I'm currently obese and I've been super skinny too and it just feels the same. so, tonight I'm just sitting here thinking about how this affected me and shaped my personality and i always cry of course. and somehow this connects to my inability of making friends or even talking to ppl. now. this friends subject is a very complicated thing to talk about bc i have online friends who understand me on the most deepest level and I can truly count on them, the only problem is that they are not here, and idk if they wanted to be by my side as much as I want them to be by mine. and that's fine, they have their own life. and my friends irl are ppl who I love too but they are no way, in an emotional level, close to me. I have nothing to share w them, no common interests. we just like each other. and, tbh, I have accepted I won't form a complete bond, in my terms, with anyone, or be loved, or be known how I want to. i truly don't know if this is a reasonable desire, but I feel like that's how I want to have friendships: share interests, enjoy each other's companies, truly know each other, be together in the same place, think about each other, do nice thinks you like together. I think that's pretty much all I want, and I have it in pieces, separated by distance and by liking. this can form something, but it doesn't fit. i also don't know if this is me going after some kind of perfection that is not real, but some people look like they have that, and in a way, i have it too, but i still feel incomplete. which leads me to another subject, which is suicide.

i really wanna commit suicide, and I believe that's how I will go. i have no faith I will be okay with living, and if I don't kill myself, I'll just live a miserable life anyway, so there is no difference, except if I don't kill myself my mom wont have to deal w this mess.

like, the is no way I will live well. i can't learn to love myself and i don't even want to love myself, so i know it's going to be like this forever. and im thinking about jjong and his suicide letter. I mean, why can't I do it? it's my life. everything has been the same and will be the same. why do I have to endure this pain for nothing? i don't believe in god and i don't believe in hell or in heaven or anything. i think nothing will happen to me when I die, when I kill myself, except I will stop existing and that all i want for almost decade. this will not. change. im not gonna lie, I want the attention, I want ppl in my.life to know im about to lose it, I wanna try to kill myself and fail and go to a psych ward and make everyone worried and then get back home and then try again and again and again. but my mom would lose her mind, I just want attention and this attention won't change anything cuz im still myself. and I'm doomed bc i am myself. I wanna die but I also wanna stay so i can hurt myself and pity myself and try to get more and more attention threatening I will kill myself. do i really wanna kill myself. dikslff I'm laughing cuz I was thinking about creating an account on weverse and write how i can't find friends and I want bts to see it and I want them to say something but I won't see it cuz I will be dead. or, I want to feel the sadness when no one comments when no one shows interest. or I wanna receive hate in my dms saying that I'm guilt tripping ppl. i want all of this attention. this is what I'm doing right now, trying to get an anonymous message here too! but it has to be anonymous! if it's no not, it's not gonna be special, it won't feel good. ok, I'll sleep and then I will wake up and delete all the posts I made on twt and this post bc the embarrassment of not receiving a single message, a single note, and the embarrassment of just the things I've said will be too much and I will go on and tell myself: what did you expect. this is exactly what should happen to you. nothing. I am the person who says I'm gonna kill myself to the wrong audience. I am the person pretending. if i was the real deal, I'd do it in front of my mom. my dad. they would go around and do things for me. why can't I do that? if that's what I want? im not talking about dying. I want my movie to contain all the times I said I was gonna kill myself and no one showed up on my curious cat. no dm. no notification pop up. i want delete my social media so people someday think about me and go try to find my @ and they can't find anything so they think: wow did he die. and then i want them to worry. but I have to know about it.

im not crying anymore. i want to hurt myself and I want ppl to see it. and i wanna die and I want them to know about it. but i can't know if they will know about it when I'm dead. this is making me laugh because life is the only thing we know. we can't even imagine how is it like to be dead. we simply don't know.

anyways. I'm not gonna do anything as always. if anyone has any idea why I don't just kill myself, please let me know.

[talaricula]

so i’ve been having kinda weird theoretical sexuality feels and thoughts lately and tbh i’m mostly curious as to whether other ppl experience this too? and about what ppl who don’t experience this think about it?

basically, i’m bisexual. i have been and am attracted to ppl of all genders, i have had romantic feelings for ppl of all genders - my sexuality is without a doubt “bisexual” and i like it that way

however, i’ve been spending a lot more time with my lesbian friends in my year at uni, and their lesbians friends, as well as in france, and both settings have compleeeetely different views of sexuality than tumblr

and i have confused feels about it

bc i’m bisexual bc i am attracted to men too (and other genders, but that generally doesn’t feature much in those conversations). but those lesbian friends of mine? they openly discuss attraction to men and some even say they’d want to sleep with a man/have slept with one and don’t regret it at all, and it doesn’t hinder their identifying as a lesbian in the slightest. they even (v cutely, tbh) introduce me to their other lesbian friends as “Sarah, from law, as also a lesbian” to make clear that i am One Of Them and as such not just another random law person. and when i say “well i’m bisexual but i’m dating a girl yeah” they are genuinely, honestly confused - dating a woman is what makes me a lesbian, right? (one friend has changed the introduction to “kind of a lesbian” by now which is funny)

and in france, it’s the same - france in general has held on to a much more “political orientation” model than some other countries. it doesn’t matter who i am attracted to: i am with a woman so i’m a lesbian. which comes with a load of problems of its own but i spend a lot of time here so it’s smth i have to live with

and ot1h, part of me is going “still bisexual when i’m with a woman!!!!!!! my personal identity is not subject to change bc of who i’m dating!!!!” which is true! i am attached to my label if bisexual! and ppl (including other wlw) calling me a lesbian when i’m actually bi is def in part societally enforced biphobia - i picked a side, didn’t i? so now i’m a lesbian. bisexual is only for ppl who aren’t sure yet and yadda yadda yadda. and i hate that attitude with a passion. i also think identifying as a lesbian while being attracted to men is... potentially p meh, bc many men are entitled idiots who are unable to reconcile “lesbian” with “yes that means i will not sleep with you” and telling a man “i’m a lesbian” and then sleeping with him might send a message to men in general that “even” lesbians will sleep with them (otoh, i am also doubtful about holding other wlw accountable for the disgustingness of men and men should be able to accept a no whatever the reasons for it, what the fuck). and also i am attracted to trans men and calling myself/being called a lesbian in that context feels supremely uncomfortable and disrespectful, bc it’s basically misgendering those men

but otoh, for sooooo many ppl, including other wlw, clearly, “in a committed relationship with a woman” = “lesbian”? and, well, tbh, i am proud of my relationship with my gf, and if that relationship makes ppl think i’m a lesbian then, on some level, i will also proudly be a lesbian? you feel? not to mention that attraction to men is soooo widely pushed on women that insisting “no but i am ALSO attracted to men” even when i’m dating a woman feels like insisting too much on that already expected attraction to men. also i don’t think “lesbian” is in any way a label to be ashamed of and that going “no but i’m bi!” whenever someone calls me a lesbian feels uncomfortably like “no but i’m not one of those lesbians!” with all the implied negative characteristics ppl attach to “lesbian” that implies and i absolutely do not want to perpetuate that. so for all those reasons (esp the first but the others too) i’ve started feeling a real affinity with the label of “lesbian”?

but it is also clear that if i (hypothetically, theoretically) was with a man, i would never feel that affinity, so it also feels hypocritical and almost appropriative on some level?

tl;dr does it make sense to clearly have “bisexual” as a “sexuality identity” but also a bit “lesbian” as a “relationship identity”?

[aceaventurine]

@feministingforchange said on this post

“That reply is gross af. You do not owe anyone any explanations, you belong as aroace, and you definitely do not have to change your fucking self identification and orientation for these jackasses. You are not hetero/Straight and so u belong. It’s ppl like this that make me feel like I /have/ to use the SAM so it’s clear I have no gender specific attractions but it should be enough to call myself ace/demisexual. Just like your orientations should be enough. And yet the same ppl forcing me to use the SAM are the same ones telling me the SAM harms everyone and is bad. They can all kiss my ass though bc I am DONE with their shit “

Thank you for answering. And thank you for defending my right to define myself as aroace, I appreciate that. To be honest the op I made was mostly directed at exclusionists, because I was curious about what reasoning they would apply on this situation. So I expected this kind of post. (Like I said, I’m not going for a “gotcha” moment, I’m just trying to see how their logic applies to this, I’m genuinely curious)

I will not let other people decide how I identify. My label might change, but if it does, it will be because I felt like it would suit me better. For now, aroace suits me.

I’m sorry you felt obligated to use the SAM ; you don’t have to, your orientation is enough !

Have a nice day.

(I would also like to thank @pig-along for their input on biphobia here, but I can’t mention them for some reason? I’m not very good at this, haha - I’ll guess you’ll read this anyway, so thank you!)

[ilygsd]

200918: 1

someone fuck me in the asshole honestly im shocked how can this dude NOT UNDERSTAND??? hes really good at cognitive empathy, he has a nice moral compass he follows ”be kind, be nice” but he cant fucking FEEL what hes doing

and like....... thats important to me??? and apaprebtly NO ONE has ever criticized him for it or whatever? like his ”intentions”?? ofc he cant help he doesnt feel emotional empathy but he literally cant spot the DIFFERENCE!!! he’s like ”as long as im kind and a nice human being” like bitch NOO!!!! i like you!!! you ”like” me, but you like me bc u think im interesting and you think we can learn from each other. which also is important OF COURSE!! but BITCH I LIKE YOU BC I FEEL FOR YOU THATS DIFFERENT

we’ve known each other for like 3 weeks, met 5 times and we’ve already had 3 major fights??? mainly over text/phone but still.... he’s so fycking mean? he really tries to manipulate me that ugly fucking whore!!! he guilt trips me all the fuxking time i cant say anything he’ll explode and i need to apologize or some shit otherwisw it would never end. and i know what the fuck he’s doing because i used to be the exact same. honestly we are similar in many aspecrs EXCEPT for the ”feel”-part. i feel TOO MUCH. and the difference is that im not manipulating him.... because i KNOW i cant. i know he’d see right through me, there’s no POINT

like i used to be like that too, maybe i still am. i ALWAYS win fights, no mercy. its like i turn off my empathy during fights but AT LEAST i feel AFTERWARDS!!! he doesnt. he realize he did wrong bc of his ”morality”. bitch i could CRY, because he literally scolded me over phone when i was on the bus and there was NOTHING i could do to stop him. i tried to talk to him but he only continues cus i fkn refuse to oBEY HIS ORDERS??? but i cant hang up either cus then he’d never talk to me again and i’d feel like shit......

he’s pretty calm irl, ive never seen him angry irl and i hope i never will holy SHIT!!! he’s so good at hurting, like he turns everything youve ever said to him against you. he’s so fucking good at it cus he’s so god damn good at reading people. thats what makes him so charming. i DONT UNDERSTAND how can his precious girlfriends not have CARED??? apparently i’m the first to criticize him and one of the few to trigger him and im like..... bruh how?? i literally dont say anything and you fucking explode?? are your family and friends blind??? are you doing this to me because you THINK the manipulation will work??

also...... he sees it as something positive that sick bastard. hes like ”well i think this could be good” and im like ”uhhhh bitch it is I who get scolded???” and hems like ”but i feel and too :((” he’s such a fkn dumbass. this is his politics too. he believes in reverse racism and is probably sexist too smhhh. i was like ”are u dumb, u hit me in the face and tell me its bad for you too bc u feel vad abt hitting me??”

i am impressed by how he chose to ve ”kind” or whatever instead of psycho even though i still think he’s selfish and does it for his own gain aka he LOVES to learn things, experience things. he’s very ambitious, energetic and curious. but he doesnt understand. he’s like ”well im kind to you thats all that matters?”

the thing is, he’s not even kind??? he basically forced me to taste his disgusting vanilla coffee OTHERWISE he would take the blanket away??? he sees it as teasing and it kind of is yeah..... if i didnt know that his 1000% serious?? he honestly think its a ducking compromose?? im lile ”uhh a improvisera would be for me to taste a little coffee and then you to give me another blanket or AT LEAST stop nagging”

and when i finally tasted the ugly coffee he wanted to know if i thought it was good and i said ”yeah its ok” bc im not a liar, it was better than expected. and hes like ”thats all i wanted to hear” I KNOW BITCH, YOURE NOT THAT FUCKING SLICK ITS PRETTY FKN OBVIOUS

also he always adds rules??? everythings always on his conditions? also he kinda thinks i should be thankful for him not being an asshole??? or maybe its that i actually VRITICIZE his intentions. yeah i think that brothers him. i think he thinks it entertaining because he doesnt care when he get angry. i didnt use to either. i could just forget te fight and move on, it wasnt important to me. but fuck now when i KNOW what its like......

im like ”ur threatening me to drink coffee” and hes like ”arent u happy i put extra much vanilla for you?? i usually drink much stronger but i didnt for u? arent u happy i gave u the blanket? i actually was goong to put it on the couch and leave u cold but i didnt?” BUT HE ONLY PUT ECTRA VANILLA SO I WPULD TELL HIM IT TASTES GOOD SO HIS EGO CAN BE BOOSTED

calso he kinda forced me to drink alohol?? i was like ”im feeling like shit if i throw up its tour fault and you will have to clean up” and he’s like ”no you’ll have to clean up” BITCH I SONT EVEN WANT TO DRINK YOURE PUSHING ME

soooo many red flags fuck i really SHOULD leave now when i can and now when im not too emotionally invested. but oMG IM SO CURIOUS!!! we’re so similar yet so different!!! we can relate to each other in some ways the bad thing is that since he actually cant FEEL empathy, he doesnt BELEIVE me even when i tell him the truth. im not sad bc i want to manipulate him. im not even sad that his words are huetful even though they are, because i know he’s fucking weong. im sad because he treats me lile this. im sad because i like HIM!!! i genuinely LIKE HIM!! but he doesnt fucking understand?? he doesnt understand the difference between LIKING someone and LIKING to HANG OUT with someone. i like him because i like HIM I FEEL HIM, he only likes to hang out with me.

he talks about this as ”his way” and ”bot traditional” way of feeling. his version and definition of ”love” and ”affvtion” is so fucking weird??? we were cuddling and he said ”wow u make me feel more” LMAO BULLSHIT. I CALL FUCKING BULLSHIT YOU ONLY SAY THAT CUS U THINK THATS WHAT I WANT TO HEAR

im partly okay with him being low empathy, he cant help it and i actually genuinely believe he believes he’s doing the RIGHT thing. like he believes it so much and... i guess he is?? like what choice does he have? he cant fucking feel, the least he can do is be kind anyways. he cant help that its not genuine and i guess i’ll have to accept that, but i al NOT GOING TO FALL FOR THOSE CHEAP TRICKS. i didnt say anything but i bet he would even understand if i pointed it out. he’d be like ”but its true!! i feel more with you” no bitch, you only say/think that because you WANT to be with me and now when you know thats what i want to hear thats what you say. smhhh

also i remember in the beginning when i kinda confessed and he was like ”it takes time for me to like someone” and in like???? uhhh okay? and i was anxious abt it cus i really didnt understand what the fuck we were and he just kept ”it takes time for me to like someone” to i was like ”okay but its not like im super super deeply in love with you or anything?? like.... i can like people??” BUT NOW I FUCKING UNDERSTAND HE LITERALLY MEANS BASIC ASS EMPATHY. IT TAKES TIME FOR HIM TO FEEL BASIC ASS EMPATHY FOR OTHER PEOPLE

i just dint understand how the fuck he’s able to still have a family and friends and stuff. how..... how can no one care??? i said ”theyre being manipulated” and hes like ”no i just dont think they care. they just like that im kind and dont think much abt it” but both youre not kind??? but when i tell im its not genuine he goes with the ”well we’re all egoists anyqays, we’re all doing things for ourselves, ur egoist too” yeah but i can still FEEL

i dont wanna be a dick. maybe its just me?? maybe its just because i feel so much and thats why i really NEED that genuine feeling?? no, i know why...... fuCK ME!!! i CARE because i like him 😔😔 bc i think hes so smart and interesring and i see him as someone potential and thats why i keep test him like this 😔 and its for no use because i cant change who he is 😔😔 would i care about these things with some other guy??? no. because i sont care abt them, but i care abt him and thats why 😔😔

hes not even guilt tripping me for it (wow ”yay” ) he just doesnt understand. he doesnt understand the difference or why i find it important. he just sees it as ”him being different” and ”him feeling in another way”. thats not it. this is not normal. this is because of childhood trauma and im so fucking sad for you, no offense, youre doing tour best but thats so sad

well anyways, even if i were to accept his WEIRD ASS DEFINITION OF LOVE he STILL needs to fucking stop with his abuse??????!!!! out of the 3 fights he has told me 2 times he’s going to ”try” but bitch WE KNOW HE WONT. HE CANT! HE CANT BECAUSE HE CANT FEEL WHEN ITS ENOUGH. IF HE FELT EMPATHY HE WOULD KNOW WHEN TO STOP. BUT HE CANT. im just waiting for him to explode someday. i literally asked him ”what should i do next time” and he’s like ”idk, i cant tell you what to do”. omg its true. theres nothing i can do, he’d still be so pissed at me no matter what. and me just asking him is such a BIG RED FLAG like we ALL KNOW.... or not him. he’s like ”maybe we wont fight” LMAO HAHAH YEA BITCH NICE TRY BUT WE WILL BC U START IT

hes so fucking sensitive. we had a misunderstanding, he started to scold me, i got mad and he kept gaslighting ”no i didnt scold you” and when i called him out on gaslighhting..... oh boy...... he got SO FUCKING MA, accuses ME of gaslighting him?? accuses me of ”starting” it with my ”passie aggressiveness” ok maybe i was passive aggressive but i WOULDNT IF HE DIDNT SCOLD ME ABOUT IT. i cant ever criticize him because he goes bananas. ok maybe im not the best to criticize others, im very....... bold. BUT I KNOW IM RIGHT??

last time he got angry because i said ”ppl listen to you bc ur a white man” and he started to bring up his childhood, told me im insensitive, theeatened me to hang up, never talk to me again if i didnt ”respect” him aka ”obey” him, he guilt truppen me, told me no one would want to me with me blah blah blah

a part of me is happy u dont really fall for that bullshit. like yes if course im HURT!!! but as i said, im not really hurt because he really is trying to hurt me. he really WANTS to hurt me. he even takes pride in it?? ”im very good at making people feel very good, and im very good at making people feel very bad” it makes me so FRUSTRATED BECAUSE I LIKE HIM I WANT HIM TO SEE AND UNDERSTAND SO HE CAN GROW, THAT IS EMPATHY PEOPLE, THAT IS GENUINE LOVE

we’re so different. we use completely different tactics. when i used to manipulate my ex.... i NEVER did personal attacks like he does. i never used smth personal AGAINST them.... i was more about.... guilt tripping? more about ”u dont love me, pity me”. im not saying thats good, i was horrible but what he does is just MEAN. i dont understand how anyone can keep up with that kind of behavior. i even told him when we fought and he responded ”well i need to keep up with u”. he always does that and that actually hurts because i like him. and he knows that. he always says ”ive been sitting here, listening to you, been kind to you and....” etc. etc

WHYYYYYY am i the only one criticizing him?? WHY is he like this to me? is it because i see through his ugly acting?? is it even possible for us to ever be healthy together? we can learn from each other, no doubt. but is it healthy???

when i tell him i feel bad bc of horrible manipulative and emotional abusive things ive done he understand but hes like...... ”thats ok dont be so hard on yourself, just learn, everyone makes mistakes” but like no?? THIS IS NOT OKAY!!! he also keeps saying i’ll become like him and like ”stop caring” bc ”we cared too much before” but NO I DONT WANT TO BECOME LIKE YOU!! I ADMIRE YOUR THINKING SKILLS AND ID LIKE TO LEARN SOME OF THAT BC WERE POLAR OPPOSITES YOU THINK, I FEEL. YOU CANT FEEL, I CANT THINK AND HANDLE MY FEELINGS

i dont WANT to. thats the difference. im not satisfiera!!! i told him i dont want to apologize to my ex best friend (who i treated like shit) until it feels GENUINE and hes like ”pfft... its better than nothing. she wont know if its genuine anyways” and im like bitch.... i WANT to be genuine because i think she would appreciate it more and I would feel better about it and hes like ”oh so its cus u wanna feel good about it” OH MY GOD HES SO ANNOYING

i really should pack mt bags and run. why did i have to fall for him UGHHHHH. why do i let him treat me like this when i’d never let ANYONE else do it. its so weird, im very picku with guys. i dont fall for ANYONE. i ALWAYS pick nice and kind guys so why him? i thought he was nice, yeah fair enough, but i still like him even though he isnt? i dont think its me being awfullt desperate, i really wouldnt let anyone be like this. like BOY HE BEKIEVES IN FUXKING REVERSE RACISM DO YALL THINK I WOULD HANG IUT WITH SOMEONE LIKE THAT??? or maybe i am desperate. yes i am. im desperate for the connection i feel. thats kinda sad. i feel a strong bond to/with him, i feel like we’ve been through some things and i still look up to him and how he has recovered. he gives me hope that i can also be happy one day. I DONT WANT TO BE LIKE HIM but i still want to learn from him. and i sont think i will ve like him because im not a sociopath. i just want to take the good stuff and then become better

omg i really am similar to him. im really here feeling superior. i do feel superior because i can feel. i feel superior and a part of me wants to use him. hes a real challenge. i dont think i can maniplate him, it would be amazing to have him feel something for me...... IH MY GOD THIS IS SUCH A FUCKING MESS. NO THIS IS NOT IT. I DO LIKE HIM IM NOT LIKE HIM. IM NOT THAT FUCKED UP

i get really annoyed when he claims im similar that i also want to control and manipulate and im like NO BITCH WERE SIMILAR BUT NOT HERE, like not when im trying to be calm and grown up and have us silver things, not when im crying because he huet my feelings but................ maybe hes right. or maybe hes just manipulating me??? maybe its both. ofc its both. i WAS HURT, i actually HAD anxiety!!!! if that bastard could feel, he would have known it was GENUIKE. AND HE WOULD HAVE KNOWN IM TRYING TO BE CALM AND AN ASULR BECAUSE HE SURE AS HELL FUXKING ISNT AND I ACTUALLY LIKE YOU BITCH I WANT TO SOLVE THIS FOR MY OWN SAKW TOO SO I CAN BE WITH YOU WITHOUT FEELING LIKE A CHEAP WHORE WITH NO SELF RESPECT.... BUT YES OF COURSE I WANTED HIM TO FEEL FOR ME TOO. IT DISTURBS ME SO MUCH THAR I DONT HAVE AN EFFECT ON HIM HEA LIKE A STONE AND OFC IF ANYONE SAW US FIGGT I’D LOOK LIKE THE CALM ONE. hes wrong though bc i used to think like that too with my ex bff. i used to think damn shes only like that so she can feel superior to be and humiliate me but no. she was right. she was more mature than me and she did what she had to do AND THATS WHAT IM DOIKG TO SO FUCK YOU

only way for me to manipulate him would be sexually. he’s that pathetic. a fucking horny dick, thats what he is. but it wouldnt even be manipulation because honestly if hes that fucking horny then its his choice. its not like i’d ever r*pe him, i dont even wanna have sex with him that guy has some HIGH STANDARDS i feel like a virgin next to him but since im not he would also expect more smh. i dont even dare to kiss him back. im only used to virgins so they dont have any experience lmao but... fuck i cant this time

he’s so cockt though for real. he brags about this and that all the time which is kind of his charm..... if it wasnt for the fact that hes always so competitive and serious LMAO. like it would really hurt his ego if i questioned him. imagine me telling him his sex, kisses, brain/psychology or smth was bad. i swear to god he would want to scold me and call me some real nasty things but he probably wouldnt