#if anybody wants to tell me that joke was in bad taste then just know i think parise and suter are in bad taste so <3

[girlfriendline]

How about 18 and 26 for the ask game?

18. who would be on your dream hockey team

if i let myself do this properly i'll quite literally be here for hours, so. let's cut it down and say send claude to the pens and draisaitl to the wild because i think it'd be very entertaining on both parts. neither team would know what to do with them. also i think kirill and leon would work well together but we'll never know.

and bring kevin back. i need kevin back.

actually i somehow ended up watching a pavel bure goal compilation last night so. why not. let's pretend he's not fifty something now and add him in. i like that he said he only wants to score pretty goals. sounds like exactly what the wild needs more of to combat their scoring problems. he'd fit right in.

26. if you were gm of your favourite team for a day what would you do

hire a sniper and take out parise and suter bc maybe if they're dead we don't have to deal with the cap hit anymore.

for legal reasons that was a joke. i actually do not know if them dying would get us out of purgatory. probably not at this rate.

thank you!

hockey questions!

[stillfrownyclownlol]

Gonna throw up If I can't talk about them-

Bunch of Aiden analysis under the cut because he's just SO OBSESSED CODED AND NOBODY TALKS ABOUT IT 😭 (I will be very weird about it)

The way it's so doomed from the start. He's already so fascinated by her. It's in the little jump he does when she sits in front of him, like a secret they're both in on, like her sitting in front of him is some obscure way of her inviting him into a conversation.

Why is he like this (not positive but not negative either)

He has such a cocktail of personality traits and, most certainly, mental disorders, and his own history that makes it so, when he's in love, that it WILL blow up in his face.

The fact that he's been homeschooled for his entire life- he has no idea. HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW. He doesnt realize that its not normal. of course he doesn't :( His parents obviously leave him alone for long stretches of time and he doesn't seem to mind this. He hasn't had the chance to develop his social skills at all-

It's why he's so, let's be real, creepy. Ash makes it very clear she's not interested and he just keeps worming his way into her life. He plots so that she'll go on the field trip, he follows her around, he goes to her fucking house on the first day. LIKE, HELLO? RED FLAG?

He's having evil thoughts here I swear 💀

And already so quickly after meeting her he makes Ash his priority. He asks to sit next to her, he engages and makes an effort to talk to her. Tries to joke around with her. Gives her a nickname. Touches her. He's so touchy.

And defends her!!! When Tyler gets pissed at Ash, he honestly goes off on him even tho he KNOWS Ash can defend herself- and he's so...dark about it. There's a threat hidden behind his words. He's MAD here, right? Tell me I'm not crazy, please-

He also very clearly has violence on the forefront of his mind 💀 He's the first one to actively attack the phantoms; not to defend himself, not to defend somebody else (well, he pulls Ash out of the way), but for fun. And he's disappointed when they don't scream. He's sadistic, he likes causing pain, it's something he relishes in.

I mean look at how he smiles!!! None of the other kids have such an...active ENJOYMENT in fighting the phantoms, but for Aiden, it's almost like he finds relief in it, some way to vent out his frustrations. He's eager for a fight, for a thrill.

That's how Aiden sustains himself, he pretty much operates under "I'm here for a good time, not a long time." Everything he does gives him a boost of adrenaline, no matter the consequences. He got into a fight? Eh, who cares about all the bruises, at least it got his blood rushing. Broke a bone while doing parkour or smth? Whatever, the way his stomach dropped when he was falling as totally worth it.

It's a very dangerous mentality to live with, obviously. He's an adrenaline junkie. He's an addict. More than anything else, Aiden wants something that makes him feel alive.

And what makes you feel more alive than love?

Like not to minimise or anything but he's known her for like. 2-3 months- and he's already SO scared of losing her. Like I just don't think he would have had this type of reaction with anybody else besides Ben. He would have absolutely lost his shit if Ash 'died'.

He's a straight up love junkie. He's obsessive. Nothing beats the high love can give you. It overrules everything else. If Ash (or whoever he's interested in) feels bad because of smth, he's done with it.

He LIKED dying. He LIKED the adrenaline rush. But he won't do it again. Not because he had some realization that he didn't want to die, that he still wanted to live and do things, but because Ash was upset. Because this, this rush of care from her part, the way she was so scared of him dying that she was shaking, nothing could fill the hole in his heart better than that. And now that he has a taste for it, he won't let go easy. He will keep on living- if it means Ash will be by his side.

Which is a very dangerous position to put her in. Ash already feels responsible for her friends, and she doesn't even know that Aiden has "put" his life in her hands, not that it's her responsibility, because it isn't, but she will certainly feel responsible if Aiden does something FOR her.

Like He's so fucking obsessed and he doesn't even realize it- like look at how he sees her 😭 THE HEAVENLY GLOOOOOOW, LIKE SHES AN ANGEL AND HE THINKS SHE CAN SAVE HIM. BABY SHE CANT, YOU HAVE TO SAVE YOURSELF.

He could spiral so fucking bad. He could do some absolutely heinous things. Because he just doesn't know. He doesn't know how to love truly, yet. For him love really is that rush of adrenaline, the knife carving out his heart, he could be putty in her hands, or her executioner. This love that can be so obsessive, that he NEEDS it to function, like its water, like its the air he breathes. Its a compulsion, a fixation, a longing that burrows into your very soul. Ash doesn't even know what she's getting herself into-

Godddddd, it makes me so sick/ pos, it's SO FUCKING INTERESTINGGGGGG. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

I literally cannot function around this drawing 🫠

The. The hand. That way he's grabbing her. He's pulling her back. Towards HIM. like "this is mine. And I'm not sharing." And that little fucking look in his eyes, he just looks SO fucking pleased with himself. And Ash looks so...resigned. they're so doomed-coded, i love them so bad.

I don't know how I was supposed to NOT make a killer au, when he's just...like that around her.

Love is a wonderful thing. But love is also cruel, it is vicious, it is possessive and obsessive, and it will leave carnage in its wake.

Romantic love is an obsession. It possesses you. You lose your sense of self. You cannot stop thinking about another human being. -Helen Fisher

[idkwhatever580]

I’ll cut your f****** balls off!

Masterlist

Pairings: Natasha romanoff x reader

Prompt: y/n gets mad when Bruce “accidentally” ends up with his face in Natasha’s boobs 🤨

Warnings: cursing, Bruce slander, jealousy, boobies, fight scene, y/n is more than a bit angry, soft/sensitive y/n at the end

A/N: I legit wish I was him. But I was a little too nice to him in Are you mad? So I decided to throw out some hate. Not proofread 😬

——————————————

Y/n’s pov

I am watching Natasha pour herself a drink from the couch I’m sitting at with a smile on my face. When I see Bruce creep up to the bar to talk to Natasha.

I squint my eyes at his awkward stance and decide that there’s no harm in listening in on their conversation. So I perk up on my super hearing and zone into their words.

“How’d a nice girl like you end up working at a dump like this?”

“Fella done me wrong”

I furrow my eyebrows at Natasha’s words. I know she doesn’t really know how to handle situations like this other than flirting since she was trained to do that, but it still makes me feel uneasy since we’ve been dating for a while now. I also didn’t think I did anything wrong.

“Got a lousy taste in men kid”

“They’re not so bad”

I hope she’s just joking, but what did I do to wrong her if she’s not? Also why is she not correcting him on my pronouns if she’s talking about me?

“Well they have a temper, deep down they’re all fluff. The fact is they’re not like anybody I’ve ever known.”

A look of confusion falls upon my face when I hear this. I can’t tell if she’s talking about me or Bruce. I want to assume it’s me but the way they’re ogling each other makes me doubt myself. I keep looking at the ground.

They talk a bit more and I keep listening.

“They sound amazing”

“They’re also a huge dork.”

I haven’t actually given them many looks during their conversation in fear that they’ll see me. But I look over at this point and I tilt my head. Then she adds.

“Chicks dig that”

And I’m angry.

Is she really talking about him? Maybe she’s trying to be nice and still doesn’t know how to. Maybe she doesn’t realize she’s flirting hardcore.

I snap out of my thoughts and they are still talking

“Did he- were they- what did they do that was so… wrong to you?”

“Not a damn thing… but never say never”

I huff at her words and I watch as she walks over to me and sits down. She looks at me and I fix my face before she can tell I’m mad.

I’m gonna brush it aside and see if she tells me anything.

“What were you and Bruce talking about?”

I say with the most composed voice I can. She smiles and says

“I was talking about you. I don’t think he knows about us”

She smiles and I smile back and say

“Really? We’ve been dating for what? Six months now? And most everybody has found out.”

She shrugs her shoulders and says

“I think he was thinking of Cho when I was talking. I was like “chicks dig dorks” and he is a dork and I’m sure Cho likes him.”

I take a steady breath and nod my head. I grab Natasha’s drink and take a sip of it

“Hey! that’s mine!”

I give it back and say

“Sorry. I wanted to try it.”

It’s getting to the end of the party everyone is gone except the rest of the avengers and a stray drunk man that probably had some of Thor’s asgardian liquor.

The boys are trying to lift Thor’s hammer and Natasha has moved to my side. I look down at my dress and smooth out some of the wrinkles.

When suddenly this beat up robot comes out and starts talking all this crap. Everyone is on edge and suddenly he says he’s on a mission

“Peace in our time”

And then a bunch of Tony’s robots come flying out. Everyone scatters and I run behind the bar to grab the gun from it when Natasha jumps over and lands on her back

“Nat”

I try to go to her but then Bruce ends up on the bar.

Dumbass

Natasha pulls him off of the bar and he lands right on top of her.

His face is in her boobs and the impact makes Nat let out a loud choked groan. I narrow my eyes at him as he apologizes and she says

“Don’t turn green”

He says

“I won’t” and I grab one of the guns and she grabs the other.

She starts shooting and I wait and she looks at me and I nod my head towards the stairs and she tells Bruce to come with her.

I stay at the bar and wait for an opening to hit the robot.

I shoot it a couple times but this fucking gun doesn’t have as many rounds as Nat’s. So I wait a second and yell at cap to throw my his shield.

He throws it and I grab it doing a spin maneuver and throw it right at the robot slicing it clean in half.

This Ultron dude keeps yapping on and on about peace and whatever until Thor throws his hammer.

I don’t care right now. I am seething with how Bruce thinks he can do that to my girl.

Everyone tries to collect themselves making sure nobody is hurt but I march over to Bruce and Natasha and I start yelling

“You fucking cunt!”

Natasha gets in between us before I can hit him and she says

“Woah woah woah hold on babe what’s going on”

But I ignore her

“You think you can have her?! She’s mine you bitch!”

Everyone is worried about how I’m being kinda crazy so they circle around us and make sure I can’t get to Bruce. And he says

“Did you not just see what happened?! And you’re worried about me liking her?”

I huff and say

“I don’t give a fuck what just happened! You know what just happened?! You shoved your face in my girls tits! That’s what happened!”

He is actually scared of me and Tony is behind him saying

“Don’t turn green please”

For once he keeps his composure and says

“I didn’t mean to! She was pulling me down from getting shot!”

I get angrier and say

“So you’re gonna say it’s an accident? Don’t act like I didn’t hear your conversation earlier! I heard how you want her! If you ever touch her again I’ll cut your fucking balls off! You hear me?!”

Natasha ends up picking me up and carrying me to our room. She tells Tony

“I gotta get her away from him. When she’s calm we’ll come back to help. Just worry about ultron and Bruce.”

He nods his head as they all disperse. Natasha carries me to our room and then plops me down on the ground and says

“What the fuck y/n?! What the hell was that?!”

I look at the ground while my breathing is a bit erratic. I don’t say anything as I avoid eye contact with her.

She realizes I’m shutting down and to combat that she brings me over to the bed and makes me sit down. I look at my hands that are now in my lap and she sits down on my lap and wraps her arms around my neck.

As she plays with my hair she says

“Baby, can you please tell me what’s going on? Why are you so worked up over Bruce?”

I huff and say

“I heard what you said! You were totally talking about him and then he went and shoved his face in your boobs. That’s only my thing to do.”

She sighs and keeps asking knowing there’s more to it.

“Baby, what else?”

I stay silent for a bit and she squeezes my shoulder in reassurance and I crack. I immediately start crying and saying

“Please don’t leave me I love you. I don’t want you to leave me. Please don’t go! I love you!”

She pulls me in and rubs my back. Then she maneuvers us so that I am now straddling her lap.

Usually I act all tough when we’re around others but I am a baby around Natasha. She just brings the soft side out in me.

She rubs my back and shushes my crying and says

“Oh baby, I’m not leaving you. I love you too.”

My sons turn into more silent tears and she pulls me away from her neck. I whine a bit but she clicks her tongue and I quiet up. She makes me look into her eyes and says

“Listen to me okay?”

I nod my head and sniffle

“I am not leaving you for Bruce. I am not leaving you for anyone. I love you so so much and I don’t ever want to leave you okay?”

I nod my head and she continues

“Now that I’ve said that, I want to say that I was not talking about Bruce when I was talking to him. He had come up to me and said how he feels like he can’t talk to girls. He likes Cho, and he asked if he could practice being smooth or whatever with me. So I said yes not knowing you were being hurt by that. If I knew you’d be hurt I would have never done it.”

She pauses and I nod my head so she continues

“So yes I was flirting with him but it was fake and he was just trying to be cool for Cho okay?”

I look down and nod my head then she lifts my head back up by my chin and says

“I’m so sorry. I can see how that got mistranslated from across the room. Will you please forgive me?”

I nod my head and say

“I was never mad at you.”

She smiles and kisses my pout into a smile and when she pulls away I whine a bit in protest. I try to get another kiss but she says

“None of that detka. We have a big matter to handle then we can make out at much as you want okay?”

I nod my head and get up to go downstairs but she grabs my wrist and says

“Let’s get changed”

So she changes into a tank top and shorts and I change into a baggy shirt and shorts. Then Natasha says

“When we go downstairs, you’re gonna apologize to Bruce and then we’re gonna figure this ultron stuff out okay?”

I roll my eyes and nod my head but Natasha doesn’t like when I roll my eyes so she smacks my butt a bit and says

“Don’t roll your eyes at me”

I look down and say

“Sorry. I’ll apologize to Bruce”

She smiles and gives me a peck on the cheek.

We head downstairs and I go into the lab.

“Hey, um Bruce?”

He looks up and immediately is scared and he backs away, so u throw my hands up in surrender and say

“I’m not here to cause any trouble. I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I let jealousy overtake me and I got a little scared that Natasha and you liked each other. I didn’t know you like Cho. So I just wanted to apologize and say I’m not gonna cut your balls off”

He chuckles and says

“Uh it’s okay. Thanks for not murdering me”

He scratches the back of his head and I nod and go to leave but I pause and say

“You and Cho would go good together. I also think she likes you back so you should go for her after all this is over.”

He smiles and thanks me and I leave.

I walk into the hallway and Natasha is waiting for me there. I go to her and hug her but instead of a normal hug I shove my face in her boobs.

She laughs at my possessiveness and says

“You good there?”

I nod my head and say

“Mine”

But it is muffled since, of course, my face is literally in her boobs. And she chuckles and pats my head softly before rubbing it and says

“Yes. All yours.”

Once I am satisfied we go into our office and start working to figure out the ultron shit.

I look over at Natasha and say

“I’ll still cut his balls of if he touches you wrong again, or anyone’s for that matter”

She laughs and pats my head before saying

“I’m sure you will baby. I’m sure you will.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: I didn’t want to make Bruce the real bad guy. Oh no 😥 I’m going soft. A few years ago I would have never been nice about him. I hope you liked it!

[finniestoncrane]

2.5k Event Request - Nick x GN!Reader word count: 970 a/n: what i wouldn't give for this idiot to teach me everything he knows, because i just know he's picked up a few tricks (and infections) along his way... cw: reader is afab, inexperience, loss of virginity, first kiss, dirty talk kinda 🔞minors dni🔞 • masterlist • kofi link • tag: finnie2.5k (to follow or to block)

Nick was speechless, for once, in the face of your confession. Shocked at how you had said it so passively, how you were willing to be so vulnerable with a man who took everything anyone said to him to use as ammunition when it suited him, whether as a serious threat or as playful teasing.

“Are you… are you kidding me?”

“Does that sound like something I’d joke about? Is my situation funny in any way to you?”

He raised his hands quickly, averting his eyes from your intense gaze as he let you repeat yourself, listening intently to make sure he hadn’t misunderstood.

“I can’t really find the joke when I’m so pissed off, y’know? What kind of bad luck do you need to have to be a virgin at the end of the world?”

“Yeah, no, that’s… That sucks. But you can always remedy that situation.”

In your peripheral you caught a glimpse of that signature Nick smirk, one that seemed playful and cruel all at the same time.

“Oh yeah, because there’s tonnes of eligible partners walking around these days, huh?”

“Listen, being picky got you in this mess, you wanna keep that up?”

You were read to scold him as you turned his way, about to correct him and tell him off for making assumptions, but the words stuttered to a halt in your mouth as you caught his expression. Eyebrows raised expectantly, smirk turning into a sneer as he waited for you to catch on. And when you did, you let out an exclaimed, short laugh.

“I’m up for it if you are. There’s nothing better to do out here.”

“Oh wow. I’m very flattered.”

Your tone was flat, unamused, and as you turned away from him, you felt his hand reach for your arm, grabbing you and keeping you close to him on the roof of the abandoned motel where you intended to spend the night.

“No, no, no, hey! Wait! Come on, that’s not what I meant… I’m just trying to… make it less of an event. It’s casual. No big deal. One friend helping another.”

Eyeing him up, you turned your body back around to him.

“No big deal? Just casual? Promise?”

“Of course, completely! I’ve done this so many times. Just a one-night stand… My experience speaks for itself. Besides, rooftop at sunset? The world all ours? Can’t think of a better time to knock that one off the bucket list.”

“Well… tell me what you’re going to do, first.”

The request flustered him, something you’d never seen before in the man who had always remained cool, calm and collected in the face of even your more monstrous enemies.

“I think we should kiss first. Helps ease the tension, makes the next steps easier.”

“I’ve never kissed anyone either…”

“Fuck me…”

Nick could feel his cock twitching, and he shifted to hide the obvious tenting at the front of his white pants. The thought of you, so sweet and innocent, being corrupted by him, completely at his will, eager to learn, eager to have him show you everything he knew… it was enough to make him lose control of himself. He had to stay focused. So he took a deep breath and continued.

“Ok then. Kiss first. Nothing fancy. No tongues to start. Soft and gentle. Then, I guess we should keep our clothes on as much as we can… Which I have to admit is a little disappointing, because I have been admiring your ample physique when I’ve had a spare moment… But we don’t want to be caught off guard. But I could pull your pants down a little, see what we’re working with.”

“Oh my god.”

He blushed, immediately trying to smooth over his clumsy wording.

“Sorry, I just mean a little foreplay never hurt anybody. Even people who are desperate to get to the main event. Plus, it’ll be a little taste of what’s to come if I use my fingers first.”

“Oh? Are they comparable size-wise then?”

He snorted, scoffing at the ridiculous insinuation.

“No, it absolutely is not. But I wouldn’t want to hurt a pretty thing like you by barrelling into it, even if you have plenty of cushioning where it’s best to have it…”

He was distracted again, focusing on your body, the curves and rolls that he’d thought about running his hands over each night as he tried to fall asleep.

“Nick…?”

Distracted once again, he scolded himself quietly and tried to get back on track.

“Right… once you’re ready, I’ll just…”

“Just what?”

“I don’t know how to word it.”

His cheeks were reddening, brighter than before.

“Are you embarrassed, Nick?”

“No! It’s just hard to figure out how to word it in a way that isn’t just me telling you that once that tight hole of yours is wet enough, I’ll spread you open, push my cock inside of you and start fucking me until you cum quick like the desperate virgin you are. Doesn’t sound that romantic, does it?”

“That… actually sounds good.”

“Really? Well, what are we waiting for then?”

As Nick leaned in, his lips close enough to yours that you could almost feel them on you, a screech echoed across the car park behind you, the warning sign of impending doom in the form of whatever creature might have inadvertently stumbled upon you both. As you looked to Nick, he cocked his gun and stood up, offering you a helping hand as he spoke.

“Looks like you might need to wait a little longer.”

In response to his mean-spirited wink, you offered a sarcastic smile, more a grimace.

“Hopefully I find someone better before we’re alone again, then.”

His smile widened, the flirtatious teasing only securing his desire to make sure he was the one who cured what ailed you.

[mxaether]

MITCH MARNER -VS- TORONTO MEDIA/TORONTO FANS/HIMSELF/EVERYONE (a playlist for when you love a thing so much, and it bites you)

track list and selected lyrics for each under the cut ❤️

1. I Want You So Bad I Can't Breathe - OK GO i want you, yeah, i want you/ i want you, yeah, i want you bad/ so bad i can't think straight/ so bad all my bones shake / so bad i can't breathe 2. Careful What You Wish For (the doctor said to) - Jack Harris something is missing/this predisposition/i feel like i'm living inside of my head 3. Who Made You A Monster? - Hael tricking the world to trust you/but everything that you say/is some kind of sordid lie/who taught you how to lie so well? 4. GOSSIP - Maneskin, Tom Morello welcome to the city of lies/where everything's got a price/gonna be your favourite place -- so sip the gossip, drink till you choke/sip the gossip, burn down your throat 5. Don't Be Nice - Watsky false modesty is a guilty habit/some people simply have it/but the fact is i would not have spent a decade doing this/if i did not believe i was at least a tiny bit ridiculously filthy at it 6. JEKYLL & HIDE - Bishop Briggs sweet and then you're sour/changes by the hour/never know which one i'll taste 7. End of It - Friday Pilots Club it's cruel you know/the way they've been treating you lately/get you real messed up on the daily 8. Nowhere Kid - Des Rocs inside of a maze you hide away/where nobody cares who you are/caught in a lie you can't escape 9. All For Us - Labrinth, Zendaya guess you figured my two times two/always equates to one/dreamers are selfish -- i'm taking it all for us, all/doing it all for love 10. Cruel Devotion - Night Club do you want me? tell me true/on my knees and now i'm begging you/loving you is such a cruel devotion 11. Who Are You, Really? - Mikky Ekko i have nothing left to prove/cause i have nothing left to lose/see me bare my teeth for you/who, who are you? 12. Heartbreak Feels So Good - Fall Out Boy is there a word for a bad miracle?/nobody said the road was endless/nobody said the climb was friendless 13. Some People - Dan Mangan cause it's too easy to be righteous when you eat what you've been fed/some people don't question what they've read/some people should 14. SELF-SABOTAGE - Waterparks i'll self sabotage/if you like when we talk i'll dislocate my jaw/what the fuck is wrong with me 15. Matches - Huxlxy bring me the ashes/set me alight/i'd rather burn than say goodbye 16. SICK - Chandler Leighton never let anyone see your guard down/too proud, just stop, keep my frozen/iced out, i'm six feet underground 17. Black Wave - K. Flay shaking in my own cage/what do i believe? i believe/waiting on a black wave/living under bad days 18. Middle Finger - Bohnes you show me love and then spit in my face/making your money off all of my pain 19. still feel. - half-alive when i'm furthest from myself/feeling closer to the stars/i've been invaded by the dark/trying to recognize myself when i feel i've been replaced 20. Rather Die - Barns Courtney i came to kill 'em, now i'm/wipin' the spit from my eyes/i take a beating but i/i'll never give up 21. Lake Effect Kid - Fall Out Boy oh i've got the skyline in my veins, forget your night time/sumer love on a gurney with a squeaky wheel/and joke us, joke us til Lakeshore Drive comes back into focus/i just wanna come back to life 22. Stronger - Kanye West n-now-now that, that don't kill me/can only make my stronger -- do anybody make real shit anymore?/bow in the presence of greatness/cause right now thou hast forsaken us 23. Bulletproof - La Roux, GAMPER & DADONI i won't let you turn around/and tell me now i'm much too proud/all you do is fill me up with doubt/this time, baby, i'll be bulletproof 24. What Do You Want - Nico Vega you can go ahead and hate me/for bringing in news, but you could still choose/ain't going to be a party/but you turn it all down, down, down/say, what do you want?/what do you want from me? 25. I'm Gonna Win - Rob Cantor you've seen me before, you'll see me again 26. Hero - Martin Harrix, JVKE

a thousand voices whisper noise/they plan my fall from grace/whoa-oh, i know/you say you want a hero, you don’t

[boygiwrites]

Harley D. Dixon 26

Harley D. Dixon's Pinterest Board! Harley D. Dixon's Playlist!

📖Chapter List.

Author's Note.

We. Are. Back!!

It's been almost six months!! 😶 Motivation comes and goes, but I'm very happy to be posting again. Like I said in a comment on Ao3, this book is too special to me to ever abandon. Thank you for your patience!! 💙

When Rick kicks the stool out from under Jim's feet, there's a simple crunch sound, and then he's dead.

I watch from afar as his body dangles from the rafters like a doll filled with sand, wondering why I thought it would be louder. It feels like I can breathe again. As if I've had a noose of my own wrapped around my throat until this very moment. Jim's dead. He ain't a threat. Just dead and dangling. Silence pours out across the farm. It feels strangely comforting; a hug from somebody you thought you didn't like.

I know Dale would disagree. I don't gotta ask to know he didn't want this.

If he weren't under six feet of dirt and bugs right now, I think I'd tell him I'm sorry.

Not just for Jim having to die, but also for being angry. He knew it never did nobody any good to be angry. If I hadn't told Carl to leave that muddy walker alone, wanting it to suffer and pay for some crime weren't even its fault, then maybe Dale would still be here.

I kinda realize in this moment that I don't care if dead people don't gotta see bad things. Because Dale ain't get to see the good things anymore, either. Like books and soup. Hugs, jokes. The baby, once it's born. Neither does Momma or Sophia or Shane.

It's like Jim said. I should be dead by now. On account of all laws of nature and chance, I should be long dead.

But obviously, I ain't.

And I'd be a stupid, silly, brainless little girl to not think that makes me at least a little bit lucky.

As I fiddle with the metal buckle of my overalls, Dad and Rick carry Jim outta the shed, their hands hooked around the dead man's armpits and ankles. Carol's probably thinking something like, He's with his loved ones now. But I ain't Carol, and I don't believe in heaven, so all I'm thinking is, I hope it didn't hurt. I've never had my neck snapped before, so I wouldn't know. They shuffle over to the pile of wood and walker bodies, tossing him on top, dusting their hands off on their pants. They's gonna burn him. No graves for them that ain't family.

Good. We have enough of those, anyway.

Dad and Rick turn away from the pile, their faces largely blank.

Before they can see me, I stand from my spot near the fence and scurry away, because I know I'm not meant to be watching.

That morning, everybody gets busy doing something. Whether it's bringing supplies into the house or cleaning a grimy rifle, nobody's twiddling they thumbs. There's something about putting work into a thing that needs it that clears the mind, I guess. Stops us from thinking about Jim, anyhow. Me, I help out by going around with a basket of fresh fruit, handing them out to anybody who wants some.

The first people I swing by are Rick and T. They've begun reinforcing the fences together, using old metal sheets and planks of wood to barricade any weak points they find. They gratefully take a juicy pear each, leaning against their handiwork to bite into the sweet flesh, groaning at the taste. Something nice happens in my chest when I see them smile. It's like looking at a puppy. You just can't be sad.

"Wow, this is good," T-Dog nods, turning the fruit over in his hand. "Thanks, Harley."

Rick doesn't say nothin', but I'm just glad to see him enjoying himself. Even for just a moment.

I head over to Patricia and Carol next, who are scrubbing at some laundry over by the trees. I earn myself two more smiles when they take a couple peaches, leaving them to their own devices and making my way through everyone else. Herschel, keeping Maggie company as she hangs up some wet clothes over a line in the sun. Jacqui and Lori, tidying up camp a bit, preparing lunch. Jimmy, polishing guns.

When I give a pear to Dad, who's fixing some of his crossbow bolts, he kisses my cheek as thanks.

And Beth. I don't forget her. She sits in the bay window of her bedroom, nibbling away at a green apple.

I know eating a good piece of fruit ain't never stopped nobody from wanting to kill themselves, but everything counts.

I've only got a peach, apple, and a pear left tumbling around in my basket when I approach Glenn and Andrea. They're stood around the hood of Dale's RV, frowning into the rubber tubes and gears like there's a jigsaw puzzle in there, muttering to each other.

"You gotta tap it three times," I think he's saying, pointing at something, "And—"

"— And give her a twist," Andrea sighs, throwing her hands up. "I know, I know."

Glenn notices me out the corner of his eye. He doesn't light up exactly, but the tension leaves his shoulders. "Oh. Hey, Harley."

"Hey." I give a little smile, holding out the basket. "Y'all want some fruit?"

"Ugh. Yes, please."

They each pick one out, leaving me with the apple. I toss the basket onto the nearby folding chair and bite into its waxy skin, the sugary juices leaking down my chin. It's sweet as candy. Well, from what I remember candy tastin' like, anyway. It's delicious.

Andrea seems to agree. "God. Remind me to always become stranded on a farm with an orchard."

Glenn bites a chunk out of his peach as he takes the screwdriver from the blonde, scooting around her to stand in front of the exposed engine. "Here. Let me have a go... Dale told me that in these old vehicles, the points get corroded."

I wipe my sticky chin, watching as he pokes around with the small tool.

Dale knew everything there was to know about this RV. Whenever it broke down, he didn't even need to check beneath the hood before he knew exactly what was wrong with it. Hell, even I've picked up on its quirks by now, and I know jack about vehicles. There's all sorts of screws and bolts and duck tape crammed into the poor thing's inner workings, but it just refuses to die. Like a stubborn old mule. 

A bit like Dale. No matter how many times ya put that old man down, he'd come back ten times stronger.

"I let him down," Glenn suddenly sighs, and it's easy to know who he's talking about.

I glance over his shoulder, through the front windshield. Dale's ridiculous amount of souvenir air fresheners still hang from the mirror. Oklahoma. Illinois. Missouri. Kansas. That ain't even half of 'em. We used to tease him about them, but he always just laughed us off and recited some philosophical quote from a dead guy about how memories feed the soul, or whatever.

Nobody ever understood it when he said stuff like that, but I still know we all miss it.

"He was proud of you," Andrea tells him; then me, "Both of you."

I sheepishly look away, picking at the stem of my apple. No, he weren't. But that's nice of her to say.

"That's easy for you to say." Glenn shakes his head. "You had his back."

She doesn't know what to say for a moment.

"Well... All I know is that there's no way he didn't know how much we all cared for him, even in the end. He was too smart for that."

I got no doubts about that. He knew everything. Knew everything about the RV, about poetry, about us. He was just one of them types of people. I only wish I hadn't argued with him that day, but I argue with Dad all the time, and he still loves me. So, can't all be bad.

Glenn pulls back from the engine with a resolute, "Welp... That should do it."

When Andrea climbs inside and twists the key into the ignition, I'm proven right. This old RV just refuses to die.

"Well done, Glenn," I smile over the noise of the engine. "You did it."

He turns to me with a smile of his own, looking proud of himself.

After that, he and Dad leave the farm to search for a hearing aid. 

Maggie hands them a list of houses they can try their luck in, and then we exchange the usual goodbye hugs and kisses before waving them off. There ain't no use in sitting around, wondering if they're going to get bitten and die because of me, so I leave to find something I can distract myself with instead. Luckily, Rick and T-Dog are more than happy to let me help them out with the fences.

If we're gonna get serious about staying here at the farm, we're gonna have to make some upgrades.

I obidiently tail them as they work, lugging around a bucket filled with rusty nails to pass to them.

"You know, Harley," Rick grunts as he hammers a scrap of metal to the wooden posts, "Carl still ain't stopped chewin' my ear off about all those things you taught him the other day. If I have to hear the word 'mushroom' one more time... I'll go crazy."

I pluck a nail from the pile and hand it to T-Dog.

Just to be annoying, I say, "Mushroom, mushroom, mushroom."

"Hey. Watch it." He scolds me, but not very well. He's smiling. "Anyway. You two ain't on good terms right now, are you?"

I raise a brow. "How'd ya know?"

"Well, I figured you'd be playin' with him right now if you were. And to be honest, he's been in a bit of a mood lately."

I huff a little, silently cursing Rick's parents for making him like this. "We squabbled. That's all."

He hums thoughtfully.

"Whenever I argued with my sisters," T-Dog tells us, "They'd start messin' with me. They'd hide my Xbox controller. Eat my snacks."

Rick chuckles. "They sound nice."

"Yeah, you could say that," He chuckles along with him. "A real pair of peaches."

"Well, Carl ain't done any of that," I suppose, adjusting the bucket in my grasp, "But he did call me a stupid baby."

Rick turns to look at me. "What?"

"He snitched on me about the shed and called me a stupid baby. Then I told him I hated his guts."

As I stand there, he fixes at me with a funny, What am I going to do with you?, sort of look, until he returns his attention to the work at hand. "Well, he was right to 'snitch' on you, but I'll have a talk with him when I can. It's not okay to name-call."

"I think it's 'cause he's gonna be a brother soon." I think aloud. "He said he's gotta protect me."

T-Dog argues, "You got all of us here to protect you. Boy's got nothing to stress about."

"I know. He just likes bein' somebody's keeper."

Hammering the last nail into the metal, Rick gives the thing a bit of a shake to test its strength, pleased to see it won't budge.

"Okay, I think this one's good." He decides. "Let's move onto the next one."

As we gradually make our way down the fence line, we continue chatting away about other useless things. The weather, future plans for the farm. Something we don't talk about, though, is the baby inside Lori's belly. I don't think Rick wants to think about it, let alone talk about it. He must be mulling over all the hundreds of things that could go wrong. As the leader, that's his special talent.

By the time we reach the area around the barn, I'm not listening to the conversation anymore. It's difficult to concentrate on making out their voices for such a long time, so I just tune myself out, absentmindedly gazing past the two of them, into the field.

That's when I notice something off about the burning pile.

It's still sitting there, a boring bunch of wood and junk, but the problem is I can't seem to spot Jim's body on it.

I know they didn't move it to some other place, and it's definitely not been lit on fire yet, so it can't be that.

When Rick holds out his hand for me to pass him another nail, I leave him hanging. He frowns down at me in concern; confusion. I think he says my name, but then he follows my gaze, followed suit by T-Dog. I can tell the exact moment they catch on.

"Okay," T-Dog levels with nobody in particular, holding up his hands, "That's creepy as shit."

"Stay here," Rick wearily tells us, before jogging away to investigate.

I don't need to be told twice. Clutching the bucket to my stomach like it's a teddy bear, I huddle closer to T, letting him step in front of me as if a chupacabra is gonna pop out from under the debris and gobble us all up. We watch Rick approach the burn pile, creeping up on it, concerned he might wake it up. He peeps this way and that, the hammer held tight in his grasp, ready to strike.

Was Jim bit, I find myself wondering, Was he bit, and we just didn't notice?

No. No, that can't be right. If he was bit, he would've turned long before we had the chance to hang him.

Rick flinches backward. He gawks at his own two feet. I think he might've crossed paths with a snake, or even that chupacabra, but then a hand shoots out from behind the burn pile and we learn the thing tryna bite him ain't an animal. It's got black hair and a grubby red shirt, a pair of milky eyeballs. It's Jim. He crawls after Rick like he's tryna avenge his own death, his neck still swollen and wrong.

Once he's absorbed his own shock, Rick brings the hammer down on Jim's skull, but he's fresh, so it's not mushy like it is usually. He has to bludgeon him two, three, four more times before the bone cracks open like an egg, wet brains dribbling down his face.

We all catch our breaths. I don't think any of us were prepared to watch Jim die twice today.

"Where was the bite?" T-Dog calls out, sounding like he's about to barf all over himself.

Rick kneels to check under Jim's shirt, flip him over, roll up his pant legs, because of course he does. There has to be a bite.

But when he stands, he calls back, "I can't see one."

There's a gaping pause between us all.

"Well, it ain't on his ass cheek, is it?"

Rick raises a brow as he steps over the body. "You wanna go check, be my guest."

"Nah, thank you, man." He answers drily, eyeing the blood dripping from the head of the hammer. "Well, what the Hell happened?"

Instead of telling us he doesn't know, or offering up a theory, Rick just sighs. He tosses the hammer into the little wagon we've been pulling along with us, rubbing at the faint wrinkles on his forehead. I remain hiding behind T-Dog. I know there's no snake or chupacabra to be heard of, and now, not even a Jim. But I don't like the danger in the air. The danger of something being wrong and not knowing what it is.

Rick lowers his hand, gaze landing on me. He keeps it there for a moment.

To be a walker, you gotta get bit. I can't see one. Everyone knows that.

"Come on," He eventually mutters, reaching to take the heavy bucket from me. "Let's get back to the house."

"Rick, what's wrong?" I whine as he grabs my hand. "We ain't workin' on the fence no more? Why?"

T-Dog snatches up the handle of the wagon and hurries after us.

"Don't worry about it, honey," He soothes, giving my fingers a squeeze. "The grownups will handle it, okay?"

Rick says this, just like he always has, but all he does when we get back to camp is eat lunch and talk to Maggie about our progress on the fence. I decide it's not a big deal. I trust him. Maybe he's just waiting until me and Carl aren't around to talk with the other adults about it. Maybe Jim did somehow get bit while he was in the shed. Maybe it really was on his ass cheek. I won't pretend to know.

In any case, I dig into my scrambled eggs and buttered bread without giving it much more thought.

After lunch, the three of us go back to working on the fence, anyway.

"Hope you enjoyed the apple."

With her forehead resting against the window, Beth gazes down at the farm, like some lonely angel peering down at another world. The afternoon sun gently contours the subtle curves of her girlish face, which isn't looking nearly as dreadfully pale as it did before.

"I did," She answers sweetly, smiling as I come to sit next to her on the thin cushions. "Thanks, by the way."

I give a shrug. "Yer sister says peach and pear season's just about up, so all we's got for a while is apples, anyway."

She surprises me by giggling at me, a pretty tinkling sound that suits her. "That shouldn't be a problem for you, right?"

My cheeks go warm. "Huh?"

"I saw you," She explains, a fondness in her eyes. "Chowin' down on that apple just before."

"When I was wit' Glenn and Andrea?"

She nods. "You were smiling. It was nice."

I contemplate calling her a stalker, but all that comes outta my mouth is an amused scoff, rolling my eyes and turning to look out the window. I understand why she likes it up here. I can see the whole farm. People milling about camp, chickens pecking at the ground. And off in the distance, the herd of black cows dotting the paddocks like little beetles, munching on bales of hay. And quiet. Precious quiet.

I glance at the distant treeline, thinking about the recent whispers of the horde. I brush it off quick as I can.

I steal a glance at Beth, instead.

That little smile is still pulling at her lips, a lively glint in the soft green of her eyes.

For some reason - mainly my talent for speaking without thinking - I ask her suddenly, "Do you still wanna die?"

She stiffens ever so slightly, and I only have a few short moments to feel awful about it before she meets my eyes.

"I just mean," I continue, wishing I ever knew the right thing to say. I think back to when Carl was in my exact position, asking nicely for me to not do what Beth did. He also threatened to smack me in the face, but I don't imagine that would go over too well with Beth. Neither would shouting at her like Dad. So, I just do something stupid, another one of my talents, and I improvise. "I been worried about you. Not, like, pity or nothin', but... I know how you feel. And after Dale... I realized that just 'cause people die, it don't mean I gotta die, too. It ain't a reason to wanna die. It's a reason to wanna live. 'Cause I'm just glad I ever knew Dale and Sophia and everyone else that died at all."

I feel encouraged by her glassy expression to keep talking. Not that I could stop myself if I tried.

"So that makes us lucky, y'know. Yer Momma's dead. My Momma's dead. But we loved 'em, and you can keep lovin' other people, but not if you're in a grave somewhere. Besides, it would just pass it on to them that would miss us. Not worth it, if ya ask me."

When I finish my word puke, she pins me with a tense, watery look that makes my insides cramp up.

"Maggie told me," She says, "That if I decided to keep living, that I'd find moments where I'd know I made the right decision."

She takes a deep breath, chuckling afterward.

"I think this is one of those moments," She decides.

"It is?"

I feel a weird sense of pride. I know me and my stupid apple and bad advice didn't singlehandedly solve anythin', but I was able to make her realize she don't got nothin' to regret by surviving her own mind, and that's more than enough for me.

I nod, trying not to smile, because this is supposed to be a serious moment. "Good. That's... good."

Her chuckles turn into laughter. "Why you so awkward all the darn time, Harley?"

Then I'm being wrapped up in a hug. I hate hugs. But this one ain't too terrible.

When we part, I ask her, "Are we friends?"

She seems to find that funny. "'Course."

"Well, my Dad and Glenn are gonna be gone for a few more hours," I tell her, "So, we should play something 'til then."

Beth warns me that she's seventeen years old, so she might not be able to play the same way me and Carl play, but that's okay. We don't have to play pretend or anything. We can do something she likes. Apparently, that's painting our nails. I have to try not to pull a face, but I guess I end up pulling one anyway, because she bursts into giggles and pulls me to my feet. I'm not the biggest fan of girly things. It's just not what I grew up with. I'm used to scuffing my nails while climbing trees and playing in the dirt, not painting them. But I'll give it a go.

"What's your favorite color?" She asks me, setting me down on her bed and rummaging through her desk.

"Yellow," I chirp.

"Actually," She lilts, pulling out a little bottle of yellow polish, squinting at the label. "It's Electric Spring Citrus."

I scoot over to make room for her on the bed, presenting my nails to her.

The afternoon slips away easily after that.

Nighttime paints over the orange sky.

Me and Beth have migrated downstairs by the time the sun has disappeared beneath the farm, lured in by the domestic commotion of dinner being prepared. It's soup again. I recognise the smell by now. While we wait to be served by Maggie and Patricia, the rest of us gather around the coffee table, ribbing each other as we break the rules of a card game Jacqui suggests. Carl keeps cheating by lying about what cards he has, but he's too dumb to realize he'll have to show them to us at some point. I laugh hysterically when he loses.

"You weren't listenin' to the rules, was ya?" I enjoy taunting him as he goes red. "Typical!"

He complains, "Shut up, Harley!"

"Okay, okay," Lori placates, doing a very bad job of hiding her smile behind her fan of cards. "Settle down."

I almost don't think about Dad and Glenn or Dale or Sophia or Shane or Momma for the whole game. By my standards, that makes for a good time. Carl continues losing miserably, whining even more miserably-er, while Jacqui beats us over and over again.

I'm reminded of the night we had our first dinner together - The one where Patricia made everyone feel super uncomfortable, and then I almost died. It's hard to believe this is the same house and the same people. Probably because it's filled with laughter.

We continue playing even through dinner.

When I lose for the fifth time, I take my bowl of soup and retire to one of the sofas, settling in next to Rick and quietly sipping at the warm broth. He sends me a bit of a look as if to ask me if I'm okay, probably reading my face in that weird way he got, noticing I'm thinking about Dad and Glenn. I reply with a simple nod. He doesn't seem satisfied with that response, but he can't do nothin' about it.

It's too noisy in here for him to talk to me, and neither of us know a single lick of sign language.

So, he just gives me a thumbs up and hopes it gets the point across. They'll be okay.

Eventually, even Herschel gets roped into playing.

"Hey, I actually happen to know a thing or two about this," He tells us, before proceeding to eviscerate Jacqui at her own game.

We all go awww, as she throws down her cards.

"Darn..." She sighs. "You weren't lyin', old man."

"As Jesus as my witness," He holds up a hand, "I never lie."

Lori asks, "Where'd you learn to get this good?"

"I used to spend a lot of my time in bars, young lady." He explains. "I got more than enough practice finessing card games."

"Well, I'd say it paid off."

He raises his fluffy white brows. "They used to call me Great-Hand Greene back in the day, you know."

Everybody in the room can't help but laugh.

"Now, Daddy," Maggie exclaims, "That's a lie!"

Great-Hand Greene calmly enlightens her, "It surely isn't."

This is the moment headlights turn into the driveway. Everyone turns to look. My heart squeezes. Dad and Glenn. The two lights come to a sudden stop, watching us like two eyeballs through the dark. The sound of doors slamming. I place my bowl on the coffee table and hurry out of the lounge room, followed by some other footsteps. But when I reach the foyer, the door bursts open without my doing.

Dad first, then Glenn. Both of my lungs deflating in relief, and then both of them knotting right back up again.

"That horde's headed this way," Dad wastes no time in announcing, "And it ain't stopping for nothin'."

Everybody freezes. A horde? The horde? Headed our way? Right now?

Rick pushes past everyone. "You saw it?"

"Trust me, man." He jokes dryly, shaking his head. "You can't miss this thing anymore."

"There were hundreds of them," Glenn agrees, frantic. His hair is suckered to his forehead with sweat, even though the season's turned. "We were over by Mallory Road when we caught wind of them; got us stuck for a couple hours until we could slip past."

"Not that it matters now," Dad snides.

Maggie asks, "Were you able to get the hearin' aid?"

He gives a nod, but nobody's paying attention. "Bits and pieces."

"Patricia," Herschel orders, our card game long forgotten, "Kill the lights."

We follow Rick out onto the porch. The night welcomes us with a cold gust of wind. At first, I can't see much of anythin', but then the lights blink out one by one and my stomach drops into the floorboards. On the other side of the field, leaking out from between the trees, are bodies, bodies, and bodies, so many it's not worth trying to count. They make the group on the highway look like a couple of stragglers.

As the masses of feet stumble up the driveway, I'm hit with the feeling that our fences aren't going to save us.

"I'll get the guns." Andrea mutters, and I think that feeling has hit everyone else, too.

Rick runs off in the direction of the cars. It's where we've kept our bags of emergency supplies for a time like this. Does that mean we're gonna leave? Or are we gonna fight? Is it even possible? I didn't even get to finish my soup. That feels important, somehow.

"Maybe they're just passing." Somebody stupidly guesses. "Like that herd on the highway."

"Should we go back inside?"

"Not unless there's a tunnel downstairs I don't know about." Dad drawls, gazing out. "Horde this size will rip the house down."

I worry up at him, "Daddy, I don't want it to rip the house down."

He shushes me, putting a strong hand on the nape of my neck, squeezing reassuringly. I let it calm me. I feel a fool for panicking, but if there were ever a time to panic, it would be now. I cling to him as Andrea dumps the bag of guns on the floor. She passes them out to everyone that got two thumbs and a brain. Maggie, Glenn, Dad, Rick. Jimmy. Even Herschel. Nobody is being left out of this fight.

Not even me and Carl. A gun is pushed each of our hands. You know how to use it, I remind myself.

"This the plan, then?" Dad confirms with everyone, because it's crazy. "We take 'em all on?"

Andrea passes me a loaded mag. I don't have to count the bullets inside to know it's not enough.

"We have guns. We have cars."

"We kill as many as we can." She's on board. "We'll use the cars to lead the rest of them off the farm."

"The burn pile," Glenn adds, "There's a bunch of kerosine and matches down there. We could lure them into the barn, set it on fire."

Rick climbs back onto the porch. "Bags are all packed. If things start to get hairy, we can leave."

"We're not leaving." Herschel argues.

"Herschel—"

"This is my farm." His voice booms as he pumps a pair of fat bullets into his shotgun's chamber, fire in his eyes. "I'll die here."

"Alright." Dad lilts over the droning rumble of death incoming, looking around for objections. "It's as good a night as any."

I get herded into Maggie's car. Dad gives my face a kiss and slams the door shut. I bump the mag up into the chamber. I know how to use it. I do. Two more slams. Glenn at the wheel, Maggie in the passenger seat. I've shot two walkers before, when I was out in the woods with Shane. I just have to do it again. And after that, again and again until they're all gone. Glenn stomps on the gas. The car screeches forward, ripping through the grass, barrelling into the night. I don't even bother buckling myself in. That's not how I would die tonight.

"You got enough ammo back there, honey?" Maggie fusses, digging through the glovebox and throwing me a spare.

"Thanks." I catch the cardboard box, trying not to shiver as Glenn rolls down all the windows. Groans and wind flood the car.

He shouts, "Start shooting!"

Just like that, gunshots erupt from all possible angles.

I grip my pistol tight, aim it out the window. You're gonna hold it like this, Shane's voice tells me, Firm. Confident. You're the one in control, here. I'm in control. My home's bein' invaded by the dead, and a horde this size might rip the house down, but I'm in control. The car spins. I lurch. It's hard to aim like this, but I gotta try. I line my eye up with the wobbling sight. I breathe in and out.

I squeeze. BANG. 

I can't even tell what I hit, or if I hit anything at all, but it don't matter. I squeeze again. BANG.

Glenn weaves us in and out, around, through the horde, never getting too close, never veering too far.

In the other car, T-Dog, Andrea, and Carl. They swerve around us, shooting down every dead bastard they can hit.

I squeeze. BANG.

BANG, and again, BANG, and again, BANG.

The jaw of a nearby walker explodes off its meaty hinges. It swings around. It trips. It slumps. I've killed it.

"How we doing back there, Harley?" Glenn calls out. "You okay?"

"I— I'm fine!" I shout back, pulling my body back into my seat to reload.

I peel open the box of ammo. A curse falls from my tongue when the little bullets go tumbling onto my feet, rolling under the seats. I quickly snatch them up, shoving them into the mag. On the other side of the car door, fireworks of gunpowder and bullets, squealing tires and breaking bones, a blazing Hellfire lighting up the sky. Orange and roaring. I notice it, then. Dad. Rick. That must be them. They've set the barn on fire. It's cracking and falling to pieces, a burning church. The walkers fight to get inside like it's the last Sunday on Earth.

An important beam succumbs to the flames, snapping in half like a broken twig, bringing the rest down with it.

I hear wood breaking, and then there are chickens running lose across the field, screaming, flapping.

I squeeze and I squeeze and I squeeze. BANG.

A rotten old man crumples to the ground. BANG.

A lady's shoulder bursts open, a pop of bone and muscle. BANG.

A girl with one of the poor birds in her mouth, choking on feathers, dead. BANG.

For every one we kill, five more are there within a heartbeat to replace it. Glenn's foot falters on the pedal, and we come to a crawl, and then a stop, unable to do much but watch as the farm is consumed. This is a losing battle. There's no other type.

Herschel said we weren't leaving tonight, but that can't be true. I guess he is a liar, after all.

"We gotta go," Maggie's shaking her head, the tears in her eyes collecting like little pearls. "We're not gonna win this. We gotta go."

As if only to prove her point, the barn collapses once and for all. I almost feel like crying.

"I'm sorry, Maggie." Glenn says weakly.

Yeah. Me, too. I gaze out at the oak tree, still standing bravely; the little wooden crosses clueless beneath it.

As Glenn drives us back into the chaos, my pistol stays in my lap. I don't got any bullets left, anyway. I just sit there, watching everything pan by. Mine and Dad's camping spot, tucked away in the distant trees, just how we liked it. The crumbled fireplace where I talked to Dale for the last time. The shed. The swing outside it me and Carl used to play on. The orchard. The patch of dirt where Sophia died.

I wish I had the power to know when things were gonna end. That way, I could've savoured my last day.

It's not as cool as the superpower's them people in Carl's comics got, but it's the one I'd want.

It was silly. Working on the fences today with Rick and T-Dog made me think we were gonna be okay.

When I look up, we're approaching the house. Jacqui's sitting on the porch steps all by herself, staring out at us.

Glenn pulls us in close, getting out and hovering around the hood of the car, waving her over. "Come on! We gotta go!"

I crawl across the seats and shove open the door. "Jacqui? Come on!"

She's not coming. Why is she not coming? The door is open. We can all leave together. When I call out her name again, she convulses ever so slightly, as if she's got a bad cough but doesn't wanna let it out. I feel my face fall all at once. Her arm gives out, slumping from her neck, into her lap. I notice the blood first, all ten gallons of it, and then the bite. Her muscles spasm again. Oh. No, no, no.

"Jacqui?" I call out uselessly, but Glenn's already back in the driver's seat and Jacqui's already dying.

"C-Close your door, Harley," He orders, slamming his own.

She's dying. We can't stay here. I know both these things, but it still takes everything in me to pull the door shut.

After that, the deaths just keep coming. We drive past Patricia as the horde pull her into their mouths, Jimmy as he stumbles from the RV, clutching at his open throat. There's nothing we can do for any of them, but we manage to reach Carol just in time. She climbs into the seat next to me, and we ask her if she's seen anybody else, but she hasn't; she hasn't seen anybody.

Turning my face to the open window, I let the wind dry my tears, seein' as my Daddy ain't here to do it for me.

The faces of the horde pass by, a sea of rats on a burning ship.

I want to go collect my things. I want to pet the cows one last time. I want to do everything we won't get to.

My body lurches all on its own, then.

A face in the crowd. It's different from the rest. I'm not good with faces or names, something my teachers used to grumble over, but I'm good with this one. That one walker, tucked in with the rest of them, wearing the Police cap. It's Shane Walsh, dead and walking.

How? How is that possible? Why are the tears back tenfold, now?

Lit by the moon and the flames, I see his broken cheekbones for the first time since that day, the way they're bulbous like apples, mishappen like clay. Everything about him is wrong. His nose is broke. Clothes all mussed up. Ribs pouring. His eyes are glossed over. He don't seem to mind his broken body, or the fire, or the smoke. He just wants what all other walkers want. To bite into something. It's him, but not.

I almost want him to look at me. I clutch my locket, wanting our eyes to meet just to make him prove it.

This just can't be true. He didn't get bit. He got shot and beaten, but he didn't get bit.

As if I've willed him to do it, he looks my way.

"Carol," I croak, watching as he noses at the air like the animal Dad always said he was, "You got any bullets left?"

I feel something being placed in my hand. It feels just like the locket, but colder. I shakily load it into the chamber; lift the gun. I believe in you, His voice is back. Now line your eye up with the sight. I stare down the barrel, carefully placing his face on top of the sights. I only have this one bullet. I can't miss. Not only because I need to put him down, but because I think I want to make him proud.

Breathe, I take a deep breath, In and out. 

Damn it. These fuckin' tears, they're messing up my aim. I smack them away and line up my shot again.

And squeeze.

BANG.

All the air rushes outta my lungs as his body hits the ground, disappearing amongst the horde.

I lower the gun.

Carol's already looking at me before I glance her way.

When we peel onto the highway, I can still see the flames burning over the tops of the trees, like some old religious painting.

Maggie breaks the silence. "What if nobody else made it?"

Nobody answers. I preferred it when the only noise in the car was the gentle humming of the engine, but I can't blame her for asking. We got no idea who else made it out alive. The four of us are all alone out here. Ain't no phone number we can just dial to ask if they're alright.

"They made it," Glenn eventually just decides, staring out at his high beams on the dark road. "They had to."

"Well, how are we going to find them?" Carol asks innocently, petting my hair as I lay my head in her lap. "They could be anywhere."

Maggie sighs. "We could circle back to that place I found y'all on the highway?"

"No," Mumbles Glenn. I can see his finger tapping against the wheel. "No, the horde came from that direction."

That's where our ideas run dry.

"Glenn?" I whine, clutching at my temple. He glances at me in the mirror, concern in his eyes. "My head. The ringing. Hurts."

He makes a troubled sound. "It must've been all those gunshots... I'm sorry."

Carol suggests, "Maybe we should just stop somewhere for the night."

There's a pause between them, but it's a short one, because it doesn't take much for Glenn to agree. He's musing to himself about how we can't drive all night. It would be a better use of gas to drive in the daylight. But really, we all know it's because he's a big softie.

He pulls us into a little nook on the side of the highway, killing the engine and turning on the ceiling light.

"I'm sorry," He says again, as if he put the ringing inside my head himself. "Maybe there's something in the supplies?"

Maggie unzippers the bag at her feet, pushing around the stuff inside it, shaking her head. "Just some water. Thirsty?"

I shake my head.

"I think we should all get some sleep." Says Carol, her voice a whisper.

Yeah. A good sleep sounds really good right about now. I think we've earnt it. Georgia will still be here when we wake up.

"Okay." He reaches up to press the ceiling button that turns on the moon, its dim white light spilling across the console in the dark. We all loosen slightly, completely exhausted. "We can just pick up again tomorrow. I'm sure the others are doing the same thing."

"Goodnight," Maggie tries to smile, reaching around her seat to stroke my shoulder.

"Goodnight," I mumble, echoed by Glenn and Carol, and then it's silent.

I close my eyes.

No eggs and buttered bread for breakfast today. Just a stale granola bar I gotta split with Carol, and a sip of water I gotta split with all three of them. After we take turns peein' in the bushes outside, we're back on the road again, and we're on it all day.

I don't know where we're going. I don't think Glenn knows, either.

I'm starting to think we might be driving all night, too, by the time we run into the others. That's right, the others. Herschel's shitty old pick-up truck is parked in a swath of brown leaves on the side of the road, right next to Dad's truck and bike, and another grey car.

When Glenn pulls on the brake, I think we're all crying happy tears, but I'm too busy crying happy tears to notice.

I climb out, grinning, running into my Dad's arms.

"Harley," He sighs in relief as he picks me up, squeezes me tight. "I knew they'd take good care of ya."

"I knew you'd take good care of you," I giggle, hooking my chin over his shoulder.

"How did you guys find each other?" Glenn marvels.

"Well, when I saw their little Toyota goin' the speed limit," He nods behind him, "Figured there just had to be a cop at the wheel."

As chuckles break out between the group, he places me back on the ground.

Maggie asks, "Where's the rest of us?"

"We're the only ones that made it so far," Rick answers, and it's now I notice just how much smaller we are now; barely ten. We're just as alone as we were when it was just me, Glenn, Maggie, and Carol. No shelter, no food, no direction. Feathers in the wind.

"Where's Andrea?"

Lori shakes her head. "She was with us at the farm, but we got separated."

"Did you see Jacqui?"

Jacqui. Poor Jacqui. Maggie, Glenn, and I share a look without even meaning to.

"It was awful, Dad," I mutter, the memory caught in my throat, "We found 'er by the house, but we had to leave her behind."

Glenn explains, "She was bit."

"They got Patricia, too." Beth says. "Took her right in front of me. I was holdin' onto her, Daddy, but they just..."

"We saw Jimmy, too." Maggie sighs as Herschel wraps her little sister in a hug. "He was in the RV. It got overrun."

"But, you guys definitely saw Andrea?"

"There— There were walkers everywhere," Lori seems sorry to say, "But, yeah. We saw her."

"Well, we have to go back for her."

Rick argues, "We don't even know if she's still there."

"She ain't." Dad butts in. "She's either somewhere else or she's dead."

"So, we're not even gonna look for her?"

"No. We gotta keep moving." Rick agrees. "There's walkers all over the place."

Maggie scoffs, "That's an understatement if I ever heard one."

"I say we head East." Dad suggests, pointing vaguely in the direction of the sinking sun, cresting through the fog. "Head East, and stay off any main roads like this one. Bigger the road, the more walkers we gon' run into. The more assholes like this one."

He lifts his hands from where he's been resting them on my back, swinging the crossbow off his shoulder.

"I got him." He grumbles, sending a bolt through the stray walker's nose.

"Well, I hate to tell you guys," T-Dog scratches at his head, "But we been riding red for the past hour."

"We can't all fit into two cars."

Rick decides, "We'll have to make a run for some gas in the morning."

"Spend the night here?" Beth hisses, shivering lightly. "I'm freezin'."

"We'll build a fire." He gestures at my Dad. "You can go out lookin' for firewood, but stay close."

He raises a greasy brow. "I only got so many arrows, man. We can't just sit here with our asses hangin' out."

"Watch your mouth," He snips.

Glenn raises his hands at the group. "Everyone just stop panicking, and listen to Rick."

"Look, Glenn and I can go make a run right now," Maggie placates, "Try and scrounge up some gas so we can get back on the road."

"No." He shuts her down. "We stay together. God forbid something happens and people get stranded without a car."

That other side of Rick is back - Someone I might as well start callin' Second Rick; Scary Rick - and everyone can tell. It's the same one that was outside the shed, telling us with no room for argument that he was going to execute Jim. He's tense. He's a rubber band pulled tight, his eyes darting from face to face, just waiting for a flash of disagreement from somebody for him to pounce on.

I make sure he don't find one on my face. I'm not keen on upsettin' him.

Glenn's a little braver than me, though, because he says incredulously, "Rick, we're stranded now."

He shakes his head. Not listening. Not accepting it. Just, No, no, no. 

"I know it looks bad," He reasons, even though we don't need to be told. "We've all been through Hell and worse. But we found each other. I wasn't sure. I really wasn't, but..." He scans our faces again, a little less coldly this time, taking us all in. "But we did it. We're together, and that's all that matters. We'll find shelter someplace. It's gotta be out there somewhere. It's gotta be."

But we had shelter already, I feel like shouting at him, I don't want another one.

"Rick, look around, okay?" Glenn's voice raises. "There's walkers everywhere. They're— They're migrating or something."

"There's gotta be a place not just where we hole up," Rick doubles down without care for what he's saying, smacking his knuckles into his palm. "But that we can fortify. Hunker down. Pull something together for ourselves. Build a life for each other."

That's what we tried to do at the farm. He should know that. He was the one fixing the fences with me.

"I know it's out there," He says angrily, as if that place he's talkin' about is hiding just to spite him. "We just have to find it."

I muster up the courage to voice my thoughts.

"But, Rick," I say, "How many those places we already been?"

He shakes his head again. "We fooled ourselves into thinking they were safe. We won't make that mistake again."

At the quarry, our mistake was being too close to the city. That was way back in the beginning when nobody had died yet, and we thought we just had to wait it out until the army came. But they didn't. And after that, our second mistake was trusting Jenner. We wanted answers, but we almost lost everything trying to get 'em. Then, the farm. I guess that was a mistake, too, now. You never know 'til after.

I don't say anything to that. It's cold, and I'm hungry, and I don't want to argue any more.

He's pleased with my silence. "Okay... We make camp tonight here; get back on the road at the break of day."

Carol murmurs something.

Whatever it was, Beth agrees with her. "What if walkers come through, or another group like Jim's?"

"Speaking of Jim," T-Dog fixes Rick with a look. "We ever gonna talk about him?"

Lori's confused. "What do you mean? What could possibly be left to talk about?"

"We saw him turn," He's happy to reveal to everyone. "Thing is, though, he wasn't bit."

"How is that possible?"

"Shane, too." I blurt. "I— I saw him when the farm went down."

Lori turns her gawking expression onto her husband. "What the Hell is going on?"

He's not looking at any of us. He's glaring at some ordinary pebble on the ground, brooding, hesitating.

Then, "We're all infected."

What?

It's so vague and profound that nobody knows what to make of it.

My Dad does us all a favor and squints at him. "How you mean?"

"At the CDC," He confesses, his voice a hoarse whisper that I can only just make out, "Jenner told me. Whatever it is, we all carry it."

We all carry—? The germs that make the dead ones come back? We all carry them?

He's been lyin' to us this whole time. The CDC, that was months ago.

Sometimes, lying ain't just sayin' something. It's not sayin' something. Daddy taught me that the night I told him I'd had a good day at school, and then come dinnertime, I let it slip that Ethan, the boy that sat behind me in class, had actually punched me in the belly that day at lunch. He got so mad. He ripped off my shirt. There was a purple blotch on my pale skin. Then he taught me how to punch boys back.

That's what Rick's done. He's hidden a purple blotch from us, and now we should be angry.

Carol steps forward, her silver brows pinched. "And you never said anything?"

I consider my body. I don't feel sick. Not like I did when we thought I was bitten.

Rick lamely asks, "Would it have made a difference?"

Yes, I think, but he already knows that.

Glenn accuses him, "You knew. You knew this whole time."

So, that's why Jim and Shane woke back up. You don't gotta get bit. You just gotta die and come back with enough to be able to bite.

That means even if you jumped off a bridge and all your bones were broken and you died, you would still come back.

My—

My Momma would'a still come back.

"How could I have known for sure, huh? Until we found Jim, I had no proof Jenner was even tellin' the truth. You saw how crazy that mother f—"

Glenn cuts him off. "That is not your call. Okay?"

"When Daryl found out about the walkers in the barn," Lori adds, "He told everyone as soon as he had the chance."

Rick don't care. "Well... I thought it best if people didn't know."

Glenn and Dad look right at me. Like they've both thought the same thing I have. They're the only ones here that know what happened to my Momma. I remember telling Glenn about it at the CDC. Momma. We were outta the city when it happened. It was the night the world ended twice. First when we got the call, and again when our neighbours tried to eat us. It's a lot of people's worst ever night. It's mine.

I won't ever know for sure, but I'd be kidding myself if I thought the rules didn't apply to my Momma.

At least we know that if any of us were to die, the others would make sure we didn't turn. Survivor's honor, or whatever it's called.

The silence goes on for so long that he just gives us one last look over, turns, and walks away. Nobody cares where.

Dad crouches; looks up at me. "You okay, baby?"

"Yeah," My voice wobbles, but I'm telling the truth. "I just... Don't wanna think about it."

Glenn clears his throat. "Well, it looks like we don't have much of a choice about this. We need to set up camp."

As everyone slowly breaks off to do their part, Dad takes my hand and leads me over to his motorcycle. "Got somethin' for ya."

Oh, right. The hearing aid; bits and pieces.

I'd almost forgotten.

"I hope it ain't complicated," I tell him, fiddling with my craggled ear. "Maggie said Herschel don't know about this stuff."

"We'll figure it out." He promises, before squeezing my hand and letting it go. "I ain't even sure if they work."

He opens the saddlebag, taking out a wrinkled plastic bag. He reaches in and pulls out what looks like an unusually shaped piece of skin-colored plastic with a rubber bulb on the end. And two other hearing aids, one brown and one purple, the type I'd recognise.

He stuffs the bag away and tucks some hair behind my good ear, making room to stick the first one in.

"I think it goes like that." He leans in closer, messing around with something on the back of it. "How do I—...?"

Something clicks.

All of a sudden, there are birds in the trees.

My eyes go wide, jaw dropping, gawking out at the forest like I've never seen one before.

A grin sneaks its way onto my face.

"The birds," I muse quietly, taking in the sounds of their distant chirps. "I can hear 'em, Dad."

It's not perfect. It's not as crisp as it was before. I think the batteries are low. But I don't care. It's still one of my favorite sounds.

He's smiling faintly up at me. "Good."

"Dad, your voice!"

"My voice?"

"I forgot what it's s'posed to sound like," I giggle. "It's so loud. And annoying."

He snorts, giving my butt a smack for being silly. "Well now when ya tire of my naggin', you can just pull that thing out."

As quickly as it had come to life, it makes a crackling noise, a sudden beep, and then there are no more birds.

I pluck the aid out my ear, giving it a bittersweet look. It didn't last forever, but it was nice while it did.

He mumbles something; then, louder, "We'll find some more batteries soon. Sorry, baby."

"Don't be sorry." I say. "It was perfect."

After packing them back into the saddlebag, we leave to collect firewood together. I imagine the sounds of the birds around us.

Night comes. We can't stop it.

I pretend we're camping.

We're not stranded. No, we just decided to go on a camping trip together because we thought it would be fun. That's why we're all huddled around a campfire in the dark, instead of sleeping in our beds at the farm. I'm curled up against Dad's stomach, which is better than a bed, I think. Beth's cuddled into her Dad's side, too, staring into the flames while Maggie and Glenn whisper to each other beside them.

I wish we had a deck of cards. I wish any of us would wanna play.

We got nothing but a wall of stone to protect us from the forest on the other side, but I pretend that away, too.

I just focus on the sound of an owl hooting somewhere off in the trees. I bet it ain't scared. Owls; they know the night.

Tomorrow, we're gonna have cheap steak and ketchup for breakfast, and then Merle's gonna let me sit on his shoulders just like always.

"We're not safe with him," Carol suddenly mutters, and that's not something I can pretend away. I'm back here, now, and we're stranded. No steak. No ketchup. No Merle. "Keeping something like that from us. Why do we need him? He's just gonna pull us all down."

Maybe I don't wanna be camping, anyway. It's good enough right here, surrounded by the people I care about.

"Nah." Dad's voice is a rumble in my lower back. "Rick's done alright by me and mine."

I cuddle further into him, shuddering lightly as he rubs my cold arms. His leather vest don't make a great blanket.

"You're his henchman." She reminds him. "And I'm a burden."

He scoffs. "And Harley?"

"You both deserve better," She says softly, her face pensive in the orange light.

It don't matter what we deserve, I told Shane when he said the same thing.

Unamused, Dad pries, "What do you want?"

"A man of honor."

"Rick has honor."

They leave it at that. I think they wish we had a deck of cards, too.

The owl hoots again.

Then, a branch breaks.

CRACK.

I straighten.

"What was that?" Beth murmurs worriedly. "Was it a walker?"

We all stare off into the dark, ready to fight whatever might come out of it.

"Could be anythin'," Dad mumbles as he stands, readying his bow. "Could be a racoon. Could be a possum. Could be the Easter bunny."

Carol hugs herself. "We need to leave. I mean, what are we waiting for?"

"Which way?" Glenn asks.

Maggie points at the thin trees behind T-Dog. "It came from over there."

"That's back from where we came."

"Yeah."

"The last thing we need is for everyone to be running off in the dark." Rick scolds us, reminding us he's here. The light from the fire washes him in flame, the dried blood on his forehead glistening with sweat. "We don't have the vehicles. No one's travelling on foot."

"Don't panic," Herschel soothes us all calmly, still clutching his shotgun.

Maggie argues, "I'm— I'm not sittin' here, waitin' for another herd to blow through. We need to move. Now."

"No one is goin' anywhere," Rick snarls.

"Do something!"

"I am doin' somethin'!" He retorts. If he really was that rubber band, this is the part where he would snap in two. "I am keepin' this group together. Alive! I've been doing that all along, no matter what. I didn't ask for this. I shot my best friend for you people, for Christ's sakes! For you Daryl, and you, Harley. I was the one that took care of Jim. Me! Everything! Everything has been on me!"

I know I said we were supposed to be angry with him. But, actually, I think we're just scared.

Lori's holding Carl's head to her chest. Dad stands in front of me, as if he doesn't want me to see. T-Dog, Glenn, Maggie; all with their mouths sealed shut, not sure where to look, or what to say. Is this really the same Rick that comforted me at dinner?

"Maybe you people are better off without me." He shrugs, taunting us. "Sure. Go ahead."

I've never had to be a leader before. I did have to kill Shane, but Rick's done so much more for us. I'm not better off without him.

"I say there's a place for us out there, but maybe—" He's just rambling, now. "Maybe it's just another pipe dream. Maybe I'm— Maybe I'm fooling myself again. I'm just as much a sucker as Shane was. But, hey, why don't you go find out yourself?"

He sweeps his hand behind him, presenting us with the forest.

"Huh? Send me a postcard."

I can't hear the owl anymore. I think it flew away.

"Go on. There's the door. You think you can do better? Let's see how far you get."

I pull the leather of Dad's vest up to my face, shyly peeping over the top of it; breathing shakily. I don't want to see how far I can get. I want to stay right here with my people, whether we're starving or not; freezing or not. I think everyone else does, too.

Or at the very least, they want to stay here where there's a warm fire and guns.

"No takers?" He lilts. "Fine. But get one thing straight. If you're staying—"

He pins every single one of us with a look.

"— This isn't a democracy, anymore."

That word Dale used. The one that means things is fair.

Then he sits right back down where he was before, like he didn't just threaten to abandon us all.

Slowly, everyone else sits back down too, because there's nothing else to do. We all heard him. We can't leave. When Dad settles in behind me again, I squirrel into his chest, his arms wrapping around me. There's no sound except for the branches crackling in the fire and the heartbeat beneath his shirt. I don't know where we go from here. But I do know Dad will keep me safe, and Rick will keep the group safe. He's worked himself raw and bloody to make sure we survive. The fish fry, the CDC, the highway, Shane, the fall of the farm. All of it.

We didn't survive all that bullshit just to fall apart now. There's still something out there for us.

We just have to find it.

Author's Notes.

I sincerely hope you enjoyed 😊

I'm sad to see the farm go, but we had a nice time while we were there.

Please leave a comment! I'm anxious to hear from you all after so long :)

[rpstartersinc]

* 𝐇𝐁𝐎'𝐒  𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓  𝐎𝐅  𝐔𝐒  /  𝐄𝐏  𝟖  &  𝟗.

feel free to change pronouns / wording!

“ do you remember what comes next? ”

“ when can we bury him? ”  

“ the ground is too cold to dig. ”  

“ it was dark, see what you wanna see sometimes. ”

“ i sensed doubt in there. ”  

“ i need to know you’re with me. ”  

“ you think we can just take it? ”  

“ any sudden moves, i put one right between your eyes. ”

“ we didn’t even hear you coming. ”  

“ you can’t drag this back on your own. ”  

“ i’m not following you anywhere. ”  

“ it’s not code, do as i said. ”  

“ you know, you really shouldn’t be out here all on your own. ”

“ from where i’m sitting, you shouldn’t be out here on your own. ”

“ it’s hard to trust strangers. ”  

“ is this some weird cult thing? ”  

“ the whole world ended and you still believe that shit. ”

“ i actually started believing after the world ended. ”  

“ luck? there’s no such thing as luck. ”  

“ i believe everything happens for a reason. ”  

“ you won’t survive for long out there. ”  

“ i can protect you. ”  

“ you should kill him. ”  

“ i’m gonna lead them away from you, but if anybody makes it down here you fucking kill them, you got it? ”

“ do not fall asleep. ”  

“ you so hungry for vengeance? deliver it. ”  

“ i started worrying you wouldn’t wake up. ”  

“ why am i in a cage? ”  

“ i’m afraid of you. ”  

“ you’re a dangerous person, you’ve certainly proven that. ”

“ the others, they want me to kill you for all that’s happened. ”

“ i stopped them. ”  

“ you can’t survive on your own, no one can. ”  

“ i’m not on my own. ”  

“ you focus right here, or i’ll pop your fucking kneecap off. ”

“ you’re gonna chop me up into little pieces. ”  

“ you don’t believe that. ”  

“ you remind me of me. ”  

“ you have a violent heart. ”  

“ what did you say? everything happens for a reason, right? ”

“ no one infected fights this hard to stay alive. ”  

“ neither one of us is dying today. ”  

“ it’s me. ”  

“ it’s okay, baby girl. i got you. ”  

“ you fucking tell them. ”  

“ you’re so tough. ”  

“ it’s not your fault. ”  

“ i can’t kill you. ”  

“ have you ever played this? boggle? it’s a word game. ”

“ if you want to beat me at something it would be this. ”

“ i haven’t played in forever. ”  

“ i was thinking maybe i could teach you. ”  

“ you want to learn how to play guitar? ”  

“ i was thinking we blast our way through that rubble. ”

“ i’ll give you a boost. ”  

“ you kinda seem extra quiet today. ”  

“ don’t scare it. ”  

“ is it everything you hoped for? ”  

“ can’t deny that view. ”  

“ maybe there’s nothing bad out there but so far there’s always been something bad out there. ”

“ i’m only saying there’s risk. ”  

“ after all we’ve been through, everything i’ve done - it can’t be for nothing. ”

“ i know you want to protect me. ”  

“ i’ll follow you anywhere you go. ”  

“ there’s no half-way with this, we finish what we started. ”

“ they were way better at stitching you up than i was. ”  

“ there’s no story. ”  

“ i couldn’t see the point anymore. ”  

“ i couldn’t have been more ready. ”  

“ when i went to pull the trigger i flinched. ”  

“ so time heals all wounds, i guess. ”  

“ you know what i’m in the mood for? shitty puns. ”  

“ people are making apocalypse jokes like there’s no tomorrow. too soon? ”

“ moon rocks taste better than earth rocks. why? because they’re meteor. ”

“ what did the green grape say to the purple grape? breathe, you idiot. ”

“ you got hit pretty hard. ”  

“ you are the one person i never wanted to be in debt to, but i owe you. ”

“ there is no one else. ”

“ i’m the only one who understands. ”  

“ he tries anything, shoot him. ”  

“ i didn’t hear anyone say ‘stop’. ”  

“ i don’t have time for this. ”  

“ how did you get in here? ”  

“ you can’t keep her safe forever. ”  

“ it isn’t for you to decide. ”  

“ it’s not too late, even now, even after what you’ve done. ”

“ it’s alright, you’re with me. ”  

“ take it slow, the drugs are still wearing off. ”  

“ they’ve stopped looking for a cure. ”  

“ i barely got you out of there. ”  

“ were people hurt? ”  

“ i’m taking us home. ”  

“ she got us close enough, we gotta walk the rest of the way. ”

“ bet you would’ve liked her back. ”  

“ not much further now. ”  

“ she got bit, too. ”  

“ she was the first to die. ”  

“ that’s not on you. ”  

“ sometimes things don’t work out the way we hope. ”  

“ if you just keep going, you find something new to fight for. ”

[sanjisblackasswife]

“He Watches Us”(NSFW) Part 1

Idk this is my first fic for Sanji.

Summary: Luffy’s curiousity gets the best of him and Y/N gets the feeling she and her boyfriend are being watched when together.

Reader: Black Fem Chubby Reader x Sanji

Cw: Smut, Luffy (he needs to be a warning trust me), Oral, Being watched without consent, vaginal penetration, a bit of angst I guess?.

You and Sanji have been dating for such a long time now, going very slow in the relationship with you both just having your first kiss 1 month after dating and having to prevent it from being too much of a blood fest you actually had to blindfold him to calm his nerves before doing so.

But he’s grown from that.

Sort of.

None the less you both have had trial and error with the more sensual side of your relationship and since then you both finally feel comfortable enough with each other to have sex.

After being 2 years apart you both have grown and matured (and became more horny) for each other and your sex life became a pretty crucial part of your relationship, especially considering your boyfriend is a pervert and once he finally got a taste and feel on your insides he literally could not stop.

And everybody on the ship knew.

Well not everybody.

“Where’s Sanji I want to see if he can cook this fish Luffy and I caught!” Usopp asked Robin on the Sunny proudly showing the large fish beside his captain with a toothy grin.

“He and Y/N are—-“

“Oh brother again?” Zoro scoffed walking from out of one of the rooms to sit on the deck and take a nap. “Those two are gross.”

“I think it’s kind of cute.” Robin giggled.

“I think it’s annoying.” Nami grumbled , “I love y/n being more confident since she’s been with him, but she could at least be more subtle when she’s around him.” Nami remembering all the times you and Sanji were shoving each other tongues in each others mouth in the kitchen or when you would not so subtly make a joke about Sanji’s dick when you drank too much.

Luffy was always confused as to why some of the crew mates felt the way they did about you and Sanji’s relationship. He didn’t much care for it, relationships wasn’t something in the for front of his mind, he did however support you two and never questioned it.

“What are you guys talking about?” Luffy cuts Nami off her small vent, “Sanji and y/n aren’t bad for each other.”

“I’m not saying they are it’s just….ugh everyday so far they been—“

Zoro clears his throat cutting Nami off not wanting her to finish her statement since Chopper walked in. He nearly was going to stop her anyways because he didn’t want to hear it.

“Nothing , Luffy. Sanji should be done in about….15 minutes.” Nami looked at her wrist and went back to reading.

“As if he could last that long.” Zoro snickered causing Brook to laugh with him. And unfortunately Luffy heard his smart remark.

“What do you mean What are they doing ?“ The question got no answer with everybody awkwardly looking away and avoiding eye contact from their captain just made Luffy more confused.

Nobody in the crew necessarily knew whether or not Luffy understood completely what you and Sanji do when you both are alone let alone sex itself if anybody were to tell him. Everybody just assumes he has the same mentality as Chopper so they steer clear of not saying anything sexual around them both. Whenever he’d ask to join you and Sanji after you dated you wanted to hang out with your boyfriend (privately) Sanji immediately turned him down before dragging you to the bedroom. Yall knew he knew you both were boyfriend and girlfriend but the amount of times he has asked to hang out with you both just to be shot down made everybody assume Luffy didn’t know you both were having sex constantly.

Until tonight.

“S—Sanji! …yessssss right thereeee.” Your raspy voice moaned so softly rubbing Sanji’s hair back as his tongue was swirling lazy circles on your clit. The feeling on his wet lips kissing in between licks drove you mad as you started to grind your hips on his face & that’s what Sanji wanted.

“Good…girl.” He muffled. You could feel his teeth grazing inside you as if he was threatening to bite your clit.

You kinda hoped he did.

The sounds of smacking, sucking, and moaning continued and it began to seep through your door.

“Aaah!” Luffy happily yawned leaving the bathroom. He was exhausted and slowly walked himself to his room for the night.

As he was walking in silence his eyes began to feel heavy wanting him to exhale once more, but his yawn was cut off by a weird sound he heard coming from your room.

“Hm?” He hummed to himself, he decided to follow the noise. He finally got to your door and placed his ear to hear closely when the door slowly creaked open with it going unnoticed between you and Sanji.

“Oh.” Luffy was welcomed to the side view of Sanji pounding your insides with your head so close to hitting the headboard if it weren’t for Sanji noticing and holding it with one hand to prevent that.

This was actually one of the very rare times that Luffy was not only embarrassed, but flustered seeing how you looked under Sanji.

You were the official gunslinger of the crew. Your skills were unmatched (a little under the skill of Shanks’ gunslinger) and in your past you were known for being an assassin so you were anything, but weak. Luffy knew you to be a bit more of a mixture of unhinged, to the point, and not to be messed with demeanor so seeing you with tears filling your eyes practically whining and begging Sanji not to stop was a whole new look for you.

(You ever have one of those dreams about someone that whether it was good or bad you now woke up and seen them differently? Yeah this is the same thing for Luffy but 10x over)

“Ri—right there! Yes! Ah! Yes! Yes!” Your arms were reaching out for any blanket or cover to grip as you felt the tingly and overwhelming sensation of another orgasm hitting the bottom of your stomach. Your arched your back which welcomed Sanji to stop moaning for a second to lower his head and suck on your now sensitive nipples for extra stimulation. His thrusts began to stutter emphasizing the wet sounds of his hip slapping your butt.

“SA—mmmm.” Your last moan was cut into a muffle with Sanji rushing to your face lowering your leg down gently to kiss you sloppily. The hand that was once on the headboard is now wrapped around the back of your head and his other now free hand rubbing soft and teasing light circles on your sensitive, gooey clit. It was so wet and hot between you two the cool feeling of Sanji’s cold fingers touching you made you gasped welcoming his tongue inside your mouth.

Luffy was overwhelmed.

Yeah he’s seen plenty of women naked, but seeing his left hand man and his loyal gunslinger in the bed making such a mess. It now left Luffy actually speechless.

Then it began to click as to why Nami and Zoro said what they said.

Sex! You both have sex a lot!

Luffy felt his face heat up at what he seen and also felt a tightness in his pants. He looked down to see a boner, which nearly scared him because he very rarely gets those! He notices Sanji slowly getting up off of you and out the bed and Luffy sprints off knowing that if he were caught he may get kicked in the face by a naked Sanji.

The next day you guys docked on a small island for a quick store run. Everybody had breakfast which wasn’t out of the ordinary for anybody except Luffy. He usually sits beside you while eating and it’s never an issue, but this morning he couldn’t stop fidgeting next to you. His eyes lingered to your mouth as you ate the delicious pancakes Sanji made. Noticing the syrup that ran down the side of your mouth looking oh so similar to how the drool fell down the side of your mouth as you came last night.

After learning about what you both REALLY do when you are alone, Luffy was feeling a bit awkward being around you and Sanji now and it nearly annoyed him, but he wasn’t sure how to handle it especially of how his body reacted to seeing you both last night.

His immediate thoughts were cut short from hearing some familiar voices.

“Luffy!” You smiled walking towards your Captain holding your pretty boyfriend’s hand. “Where’s Usopp i thought you both were paired off to buy some food?”

“Y/N!” Luffy turned to smile back at his beautiful friend, and right after he pointed his thumb outwards to answer you question he gets a better look at you.

“Oh he um…” Luffy‘s words trailed off slowly after seeing the purple ish red hickie on your exposed chest. It wasn’t completely noticeable since it was peaking from the side of your top, but it didn’t go unnoticed by your captain. “He um…I don’t know I lost him.”

“Well you better find him, Nami said we have to leave in an hour. “ Sanji took an inhale of his cigarette. “Also we found that meat you like so much. I may cook it tonight if you want.”

Luffy immediately smiled and of course agreed to eating some of that delicious meat. He actually began to slowly forget what he was so nervous about after hearing his favorite word.

Meat.

That evening everyone was back on the ship doing their daily routine of either training, reading, or working on the ship. Usually, you sit and chat with Sanji in the kitchen following his every movement with your eyes. It became a thing you did to tease him when you first joined knowing how nervous he was around you, and though he still feels a tint of nerve being around you he actually enjoys you around. You believe those nightly cooking sessions with him are what made you fall for him.

“Open.” Sanji sweetly commanded you as he had some white substance on his fingers. You do as told by lightly gripping his wrist to guide it closer to your mouth and innocently suck on his index and middle finger. Sanji swears to you he only feeds you like that because “it’s a better way to taste it”, but you knew it was really because he loved when you suck on his fingers.

“Oooh that taste like cheese cake!” The creamy sweetness melted on your tongue as you smacked your mouth to get a better taste .

“It’s a cheesecake frosting I made for tonight’s dessert. I know how much you love cheesecake.” Sanji chuckled a little taking a subtle suck to his fingers he pulled out of your mouth. You giggle at him before Sanji leans down to peck your lips.

Mid kiss you felt someone standing to your left. You were always alert to your surroundings by default and with being with the crew for so long you can now tell which crew mate is in the room without having to even look at them.

However last night the only sense you had was Sanji pounding into you.

“Hey Captain. Whatcha doing?” You didn’t have to face Luffy to greet him, you just smirked a bit hearing his footsteps approach you from behind before kissing Sanji’s cheek one last time so he can finish dinner.

“I um…” Luffy scratched the back of his head chuckling to himself contemplating on his next question. ”…Y/N can I sleep in your room tonight?”

TBC…

Part 2 Here.

Don’t steal or rp my writing it’ll piss me off

[life-winners-liveblog]

Medley Time

The Extended Clocker family presents: The Crybaby Mix.

LimL!Cleo: 🎶Blood still stains when the sheets are washed🎶sex don't sleep when the lights are off🎶Kids are still depressed when you dress them up🎵and syrup is still syrup in a sippy cup🎵

...

LimL!Cleo: 🎶He's still dead when you're done with the bottle🎶Of course, it's a corpse that you keep in the cradle🎵Syrup is still syrup in a sippy cup🎵

*tone shift*

SL!Lizzie: 🎵Did my invitations disappear?🎵Why did I put my heart in every cursive letter?🎶Tell me why the hell no one is here?🎵Tell me what to do to make it all feel better🎵

DL!Scar: 🎶Maybe It's all a cruel joke on me🎵 whatever whatever🎵

SL!Lizzie: 🎶Just means there's way more cake for me🎵forever forever 🎶

LimL!Bdubs: 🎶1, 2 melatonin is coming for you🎵3,4 baby won't you lock the door?🎶5, 6 I'm done with this🎵 7, 8 it's getting late, so close your eyes, sleep for days🎶

LimL!Cleo: 🎶Blood still stains when the sheets are washed🎶sex don't sleep when the lights are off🎶Kids are still depressed when you dress them up🎵and syrup is still syrup in a sippy cup🎵

LimL!Bdubs: 🎵Can anybody hear me, am I hidden underground?🎶Can anybody hear me, am I talking to myself?🎵 Saying Tag you're it🎶Tag tag you're it🎵 Saying Tag you're it🎶Tag tag you're it🎵

...

LimL!Bdubs: 🎶Little bit of poison in me🎵I can taste your skin in my teeth🎶I love it when I hear you breathing 🎶I hope to god you're never leaving 🎵

DL!Scar: 🎵Round and round like an horse on a carousel🎵 Will I catch up to love? I can never tell🎶

DL!Grian: 🎶You're all on your own🎵And you lost all your friends🎶You told yourself that it's not you, it's them🎵You're one of a kind🎶And no one understands🎵But those cry baby tears keep coming back again🎶

DL!Scar: 🎶I'm peeling the skin off my face'🎵Cause I really hate being safe🎵The normals, they make me afraid🎶The crazies, they make me feel sane🎵

SL!Lizzie: 🎶I'm not a piece of cake for you to just discard🎵While you walk away with the frosting of my heart🎶

LimL!Scar: 🎵Can't take it anymore🎶 need to put you to bed 🎵sing you a lullaby where you die in the end.🎶

SL!Lizzie: 🎵You smell just like vanilla🎶🎵You taste like buttercream🎵You're filling up my senses with empty calories🎶

DL!Scar: 🎵You think you're smarter than me with all your bad poetry🎶Fuck all your ABC's, alphabet boy🎵

LimL!Bdubs: 🎵Oh Mrs. Potato Head tell me🎶Is it true that pain is beauty?🎶Does a new face come with a warranty?🎵Will a pretty face make it better?🎶

LimL!Cleo: 🎵Oh, teddy bear🎵you were my teddy bear🎶Everything was so sweet 🎶until you tried to kill me🎵

DL!Grian: 🎶D🎶 O🎶 L🎶 L 🎶H🎶 O🎶 U🎶 S 🎶E🎶 I see things that nobody else sees🎵 D🎶 O🎶 L🎶 L 🎶H🎶 O🎶 U🎶 S 🎶E🎶 I see things that nobody else sees🎵

LimL!Bdubs: 🎵You call me on the telephone, you feel so far away🎶You tell me to come over, there's some games you wanna play🎵 walkin' to your house, nobody's home🎶Just me and you and you and me alone🎶

LimL!Scar: 🎵You don't hear me when I say🎶"Mom, please wake up🎶Dad's with a slut🎵And your son is smoking cannabis🎵"No one never listens🎶 this wallpaper glistens🎶Don't let them see what goes down in the kitchen🎵

DL!Scar: 🎶I love everything you do🎶When you call me fucking dumb for the stupid shit I do🎵Wanna ride my bike with you🎶Fully undressed, no training wheels left for you🎵And I'll pull them off for you🎶

DL!Grian: 🎶D🎶 O🎶 L🎶 L 🎶H🎶 O🎶 U🎶 S 🎶E🎶 I see things that nobody else sees🎵 D🎶 O🎶 L🎶 L 🎶H🎶 O🎶 U🎶 S 🎶E🎶 I see things that nobody else sees🎵

SL!Lizzie: 🎵 It's my party and I'll cry if I want to🎶It's my party and I'll cry if I want to🎵

LimL!Bdubs: 🎶Think I just remembered something🎵I think I left the faucet running🎶Now my words are filling up the tub🎵Darling, you're just soaking in it🎶 but I know you'll get out the minute🎵You notice all your fingers pruning up🎶

DL!Grian: 🎶Tired, blue boy walks my way🎵Holding a girl's hand🎵That basic bitch leaves finally🎶Now I can take her man🎵

DL!Scar: 🎶I better wash my mouth out with soap.🎵

DL!Grian:🎵Someone told me stay away from things that aren't yours🎶But was he yours, if he wanted me so bad?🎵

SL!Lizzie: 🎵I feel it coming out my throat🎶Guess I better wash my mouth out with soap🎵God, I wish I never spoke🎵Now I gotta wash my mouth out with soap🎶

DL!Scar: 🎶Pacify her🎵He She's getting on my nerves🎶You don't love her🎶Stop lying with those words 🎶Pacify her🎵She's getting on my nerves🎶You don't love her🎶Stop lying with those words🎵

LimL!Cleo: 🎵I feel it coming out my throat🎶Guess I better wash my mouth out with soap🎵God, I wish I never spoke🎵Now I gotta wash my mouth out with soap🎶

DL!Grian: 🎶D🎶 O🎶 L🎶 L 🎶H🎶 O🎶 U🎶 S 🎶E🎶 I see things that nobody else sees🎵 D🎶 O🎶 L🎶 L 🎶H🎶 O🎶 U🎶 S 🎶E🎶 I see things that nobody else sees🎵

[stardust-sunset]

stop using kyle as leeway to talk politics. i know ive talked about this before but shit on this site just gets worse and worse. stop using him as a gateway for your political beliefs on the israel/palestine conflict. it doesn’t prove your point. targeting a fictional jewish 9 year old isn’t gonna make the war end so you might as well stop hurting actual people with your bigotry and go to twitter or something if you want to debate politics.

your posts and fanart using kyle as a mask for your opinions isn’t going to get the israeli government to be like “oh y’know what we should do? we should stop because this person on fucking tumblr says so’ like it’s not helping anybody. it’s hurting actual jewish people from what i can tell. send me all the anon hate you want. i don’t care. i can take it. but i’m sick of seeing this shit.

another thing i have a problem with is the fact that this fandom so desperately claims not to want tratt to make an episode based around this conflict, but i know that if they were to make an episode and didn’t portray israelis in the worst light imaginable this fandom will go ballistic because ‘it’s offensive to the palestinians’.

i’ll say this once and i’ll say it again. i absolutely do not under any circumstances support what israel is doing. i think that what is going on there is absolutely disgusting and words cannot comprehend how vile this situation is. however, you also can’t just look at what you want to look at. there is a lot of history between the two, stuff i am not yet qualified to talk about because i don’t feel like i know enough about it to say what i want to say. you also cannot just overlook october 7th. you cannot ignore what the people in israel went through as well.

with that little disclaimer out of the way, back to the topic at hand. south park has made so many offensive jokes. jokes about the holocaust, about sexual abuse, about political issues outside of this. and yet nobody cared. but i can absolutely tell that yall will go absolutely ballistic if tratt were to make an episode that didn’t show the israelis in the worst light they can. so why only care now? why isn’t anyone angry about the past jokes they’ve made? why isn’t anyone upset about that, but the moment anyone in this fandom talks about israel/palestine it’s always ‘censor israel because israel is bad and leave palestine because palestine is good’. like if we’re going by that logic why does nobody censor russia when they’re talking about it? (from what i can tell) why does nobody censor one side when talking about american politics? why is it just this one single conflict that people are so up in arms about censoring one party and not the other?

i do agree that a south park israel/palestine episode would be in horrible, horrible taste. i’m not saying like ‘oh let tratt make that happen because it would be funny’ no. it wouldn’t be funny. that’s absolutely not the case. however, if you guys are going to rant about why tratt airing a south park episode is bad, why do you turn around and ignore the fact that this fandom is actively making fanart and fanfics so they can talk about their political stances while using kyle as a puppet for said viewings?

i guess what i’m asking si where is the line. because form what i can gather, this fandom thinks it’s okay for people to make the most disgusting fanfics and fanart of kyle, tokenizing him and marginalizing him, but the moment someone mentions tratt making an episode it’s suddenly too far? in what world does that make sense? because i know yall don’t do your research beforehand. you just hear what you want to hear and say what you want to say. but the minute someone counters you with actual evidence you freak out. why is that?

(and again. i’m saying this now so i don’t get anyone thinking i don’t support free palestine. what is happening in palestine is vile and disgusting. it’s awful that this is happening, and i have been doing what i can to help out in the means of fundraisers and raising money. i don’t support what israel is currently doing. but i also don’t support october 7th, and i don’t condone the people who claim that people outside of the israeli government have anything to do with what israel is choosing to do just because they’re from israel or they are jewish. i am very anti genocide on both sides, obviously. and i do support free palestine whole heartedly. this post is simply made for the fandom because i’m so sick of seeing people get driven out of the fandom because of the way the fandom treats people like them. this goes for any fandom. not just south park, even though this is basically me ranting about that specific fandom.)

[gobbluthbutagirl]

coming back on here temporarily to say Does anybody have a spotify playlist of favorite songs or whatever that they are willing to share with me. i was so excited about how normal my spotify wrapped was this year until i noticed my top 5 artists are all over 70. Like i have a MAJOR old man music problem it would seem. i do not nor have i ever wanted to fuck that old man but i DO want to listen to his music so bad it makes me look stupid. i started counting how many of my top 100 songs were by old men and guys it was really bad. it was like more than 50. and i was listening to the ai dj wrapped thing and he was all “here’s your typical friday mood” and then he played me a 74-year-old man followed by a 76-year-old man followed by a guy who’s been dead for 20 years followed by ANOTHER guy who’s been dead for 20 years. And then he told me that my #9 artist this year was paul simon. and then he went “here’s some songs i think you’ll love” and it was all shit that my boy earle bailey already plays for me every night on sirius xm channel 26 classic vinyl. So long story short i am looking to diversify from old man music. i have already listened to bits and pieces of several random spotify users’ “best songs ever” type playlists in the weeks since and they were kind of a mixed bag. some good, some bad, some songs that were literally 25 minutes long and i didn’t notice until 21 minutes in when i felt like the song had been going on for kind of a while because i’m fucking stupid(in my defense i was in the middle of making a bûche de noël when this happened. Also you can tell i’m an intellectual because my phone tried to autocorrect noël to nosleep). i will listen to literally anything btw. Unless it sounds like it would be playing in a forever 21 in which case i probably won’t like it. also preferably those who will answer this call are into stuff that’s LESS mainstream than i am and not MORE mainstream. Because like no offense to swifties or whatever but like. I already know about her and i want stuff that i don’t already know about. And i’m also not really into country except like johnny cash and the chicks and a few others which yeah yeah cliche boring whatever but keep in mind i was literally born and raised in south carolina so that was fighting for country music dislikers’ rights and people died. oh yeah and i don’t like songs where the entire lyrics are just about a man and a woman having sex but if the entire lyrics are about gay sex then that’s fine. But also keep in mind i listened to “i started a joke” by the bee gees 1759 times in six months in the year 2022 so not only am i contractually forbidden from judging anybody else’s taste in music but also if i even so much as try then you dear reader are contractually obligated to print that little factoid out and tape it to a brick and come to my house and beat me with it. Thanks

[poisonsage808]

alrightie, alrightie, here I come with my ship request:

can I please get a romantic ship for myself, pretty please? thank you!

I go by she/her and I am bisexual

for fandoms I am fine with either HOTD or GOT, whoever you think will fit better.

I am average height and with an average body (and a feature on myself that I don't really like are my hips dips). I wear glasses (as I tend to see all the world blurred without them) and I do look every inch the Clark Kent aesthetic of the good-hearted nerd. I have brown eyes and I dyed my hair to be a more orange-y brown (does that make sense? but it's a middle way between straight up red hair and brown). I also tan a lot in the summer (except my face, since I am always holding a book over it, whenever I got to he beach).

when I am not writing, cursing Tumblr or having exam, I enjoy reading, watching TV series and crafting beads necklaces and bracelets since I can't stay still unless I am doing something with my hands; I enjoy putting on makeup and find it quite relaxing and for the sake of my own health I need to start every morning with my four steps skincare routine.

I'd describe myself as the anxious girlie that has this scary aura but really hasn't tried to communicate with anybody because she is scared of making a fool of herself. I am a perfectionist with a pendant for rules and routines, although I can be quite clumsy and totally forgetful as I am always stuck into my own reality. I enjoy creating, whether it is in writing, crafting or using my bullet journal. I am an INFP and a scorpio sun, pisces moon and libra rising (and I live by that religiously)

I enjoy: the color purple, being on time, academic validation, new books, old vintage stores in the open air and nice overpriced cafes (although I shouldn't drink it because 1) I don't like the taste, 2) it's bad for the anxiety), and one day I'll just make good on my promise to either buy a bookstore and sell books while I appear as the mysterious and edgy shop clerk or disappear in the woods to write my own novels and support myself economically.

I dislike: pushy people, late people, and I can tell from a mile whether somebody is fake or not; I also don't forgive and forget easily, although I am extremely non-confrontational (to the point of discomfort). I dislike also ignorance and arrogance (although I think that to be confident is a good thing, putting others off for the sake of making yourself better is a red flag to me).

aesthetically my friends would describe me as either the pastel Taylor Swift girl or the light academia overworked student.

fun facts about me:

everybody finds it strange that I am a girly girl who likes also sports (such as Motorsport and F1), but I enjoy watching sports either alone or with my family and it's a bonding thing among me and my sister.

I had and still have an obsession with anything mythological and it influenced greatly the career path that I took (not me on Saturday wandering in the children's section of a bookstore and considering buying this whole cute book about myths across the world) (the only reason why I didn't was because I didn't know where to put it).

I was born on the 31st of October and I am still convinced that one day I'll pull a YA main character move and reveal secret magical powers (I am joking, I am joking but being a telepath sounds cool, although my only superpower right now is overthinking everything)

alright, so I think that this is enough and I can't wait to see ho I get!

thank you again for this chance and have a lovely day!

-𝒜𝓃𝑔𝓈𝓉𝒾

i see you as a sheltered highborn lady (in a good way!) you have an ability, let’s call it, you’re all too aware of the bad in people. you can see the scales being tipped on one direction or the other. it might make you a tad pessimistic at times. it’s exhausting for sure. but your houses keep has a library with all the books you could want, all the spare time and all the material for your crafts. you’re spotted from afar. from your auburn hair to the way you observe people has a certain someone thinking you’re too special to stay hidden away here. you’re stolen;

♡ i ship you with…! ♡

♡ Tormund Giantsbane ♡

• At first you’re only a good contribution to the Freefolk. That is to say literate, Tormund brings you scrolls to read before deciding if it’s worth passing them forward to Mance

• He was right to think you were special, you’re a mediator and gods know they need one from time to time. From orphaned children, full grown adults to even taller giants your presence alone starts to cease arguments

• He’s also the one to pick up on your ability, deciding whether or not they’re trustworthy on the spot, searching them for darkened auras and such. A handful of these newcomers that you’ve dismissed (re: put very little effort into getting to know), ended up being killed for one treason or the other

• Tormund’s the first to notice how weary you become afterwards and how it worsens upon meeting new faces. He may not know why, at the beginning, but he knows that you look tired and require extra energy and that means warmer blankets, less time around people, more food, MANY attempts to slip you giantsmilk. He’s very concerned, he just wants you healthy

• And happy. This man absolutely loves making you laugh! His stories aren’t particularly funny but the way he describes things and talks force you into a fit of giggles. The sound has him grinning for the rest of the day

• It doesn’t take long for Tormund to decide he likes you. He wants to steal you as his this time. He appreciates you communicate like a wildling even if you don’t see it as such. The ginger doesn’t mind standing up for you when you can’t— he really likes taking care of you but has this respect that you don’t need him to do any of it

• Tormund is whipped though, you can ask him just about anything and consider it done before the request completely leaves your mouth (The exception being he won’t do anything that would jeopardize Mance’s cause)

• For example Tormund, at your request, pitched up a tent. You have big plans for this area apparently. The Freefolk can come and borrow or swap books, you plan on offering to teach them to read— you went on and on about this… library. He may not understand why it’s important to you but he doesn’t really need to know more than that. “You want this? You’ll have it.”

• Tormund may not be able to give you that noble life you’ve been accustomed to but he desperately tries to keep you happy. He’ll fight to get you a sliver of normalcy on the other side of that fucking wall

[greencruz]

Dedicate (pros quatro 😔🙏🏻)

SEND ME “DEDICATE” FOR A SONG DEDICATED TO YOUR MUSE FROM MINE : ACCEPTING !

nesse aqui eu fiz o seguinte, coloquei a dedicação deles e as minhas.

KANG & AHRA.

interlude: i am not angry anymore - paramore. (a dele)

i'm not angry anymore well, sometimes i am i don't think badly of you well, sometimes i do. i'm not bitter anymore i'm syrupy sweet i'll rot your teeth down to their core if i'm really happy. well i'm not angry i'm not totally angry.

@ my worst - blackbear (a minha).

maybe i'm the best mistake you ever made it sounds so fuckin' beautiful when you say my name i'm praying to a god, a god i don't believe the more i hide my scars, the easier i bleed. but maybe i'm the worst, the worst you ever had tell you you're beautiful, then stab you in the back. you're prayin' i'm the one, but maybe i'm a curse the more you try to fix me, the more you make it worse. could you love me at my worst? could you love me even though that, that it hurts?

ED & HAERI.

nonsense - sabrina carpenter. (a minha)

think i only want one number in my phone i might change your contact to "don't leave me alone" you said you like my eyes and you like to make 'em roll treat me like a queen, now you got me feelin' thrown, oh but i can't help myself when you get close to me baby, my tongue goes numb sounds like bleh, blah, blee i don't want no one else [...] cartwheels in my stomach when you walk in and when you got your arms around me ooh, it feels so good i had to jump the octave.

just like heaven - the cure (a dele)

"show me, show me, show me how you do that trick the one that makes me scream", she said. "the one that makes me laugh", she said and threw her arms around my neck. show me how you do it and i promise you, i promise that i'll run away with you. you soft and only you lost and lonely you strange as angels dancing in the deepest oceans twisting in the water you're just like a dream.

JIMMY & JAY.

tear in my heart - twenty one pilots (a minha)

sometimes you gotta bleed to know that you’re alive and have a soul but it takes someone to come around to show you how she’s the tear in my heart i’m alive she’s the tear in my heart i’m on fire she’s the tear in my heart take me higher than I’ve ever been. the songs on the radio are okay but my taste in music is your face.

bad for business - sabrina carpenter (a dela)

he's good for my heart, but he's bad for business tears me apart when he grants my wishes. all of my friends think I've gone crazy but they don't know me like my baby. we look good in photographs, i like the way you like to laugh at dirty jokes, i know they'll always land. used to get to work on time, now you're taking up my nights never been so glad to be so tired. if i'm just writing happy songs, would anybody sing along? you had to go and break into my head and i would try to fight these feelings i can't find a single reason i'd make all the same mistakes again.

SUZY & YUNA.

queen bee - lauren sanderson (a minha)

queen bee i think i'd like it if you sting me and now we're crawling to my backseat you taste like honey when you kiss me queen bee. i don't know what i'm doin lately i been feelin clueless maybe fate just introduced us i can't lie you're like the coolest. hot mess hot sex what if we rolled around all day in my bed? do you love me? love me yet? am i makin' this up? is this all in my head?

bad idea - girl in red (a dela)

it was a bad idea calling you up was such a bad idea 'cause now i'm even more lost it was a bad idea to think you were the one was such a bad idea 'cause now everything's wrong. you put your hands under my shirt undid my bra and said these words darling, you're so pretty, it hurts you pushed me up against my wall threw my clothes down on the floor darling, are you ready for more? it was a bad idea calling you up was such a bad idea, i'm totally fucked it was a bad idea to think i could stop was such a bad idea, i can't get enough.

[riverstardis]

mobile:

this guy playing a fake pokemon go lol

jez and louise are manning the booze bus and he asks her out for breakfast but she says no

dylan calls robyn asking where they are but she doesn't know and she still thinks she can handle david herself

ethan and alicia making fun of cal's crush on sam JSJFJFJ "oh he is just soo dreamy" "we have like so much in common" "same taste in clothes, high opinions of ourselves" "tight buns" "...bit strange" "no i was running with the joke!"😭😭😭

it's only been like a few weeks since alicia and cal broke up and she's already teasing him like she's always been more like his sister in law sjsdjdjfg

cal looks annoyed and says he's working and alicia goes "at what?" and he says "i'm gonna be a surgeon" and alicia goes "hm? you fancy nicola sturgeon?" and ethan goes "no, no, he said: i'm gonna be a burden. well, you already are" JSJKDFJKFJKFG

alicia laughs but also looks confused/concerned lmao you can tell she's an only child. and i'm so glad ethan's getting the chance to be a proper annoying little brother shjsjhdjdf he usually has to be the sensible and mature one

cal's annoyed and walks off and alicia's like "is he serious?" and ethan goes "no it's this silly man crush he's got. you know he wanted to be a gladiator when he was younger" and then sam clears his throat and he's stood right behind them SDHJFJJSD

robyn tries to text dylan where they are when she sees a sign but david throws her phone out the window so they can "live in the moment"😬

david :(

oh that's pen khatri!

david's brother's grave :(

max, charlie, and duffy are trying to guess robyn's password for her phone location app thing and duffy goes "i just use password1234" and charlie says "which you're not supposed to tell anybody"

david's the one who found his brother after he'd overdosed :( going off the dates on the gravestone, he was only 20, so david was even younger

david tells robyn that he doesn't fear his highs, he fears going as low as his brother went😢😢 aand robyn's gone into labour

they're about to give up guessing the password and just call the police but duffy tries password1234 and it works shjdjdf

lmaoo sam sees cal watching his surgery videos in the staff room and he's like "y'know, i wasn't gonna bite but the new look, the videos? do i need to get a restraining order?" SJSDJJD i wonder if he would've even noticed if he hadn't overheard ethan and alicia earlier? cal says he wants to be a surgeon and sam says he doesn't need a designer shirt to do that and gives him proper advice and "follow me, young cal"

"i am not giving birth in a graveyard with a mentally unstable nurse!" i'm not sure you have much of a choice i'm afraid bestie

lmaooo sam took cal to connie's office to talk but connie gets back from the talent show while they're in there and she and sam start arguing and cal's sat there SO awkwardly in the middle sjsjfjg

sam's advice to cal is: "above all, you want to avoid an argument. speak your mind in front of an audience, if someone is taking liberties or undermining your authority, deal with it."

jason durr and amanda henderson are incredible

hang on just realised that ethan was at duffy's party but he was also on shift before and is still on shift after?? oh and jacob too actually. they must've been allowed a longer break or something?

and here's charlotte!

david's starting to crash :(

you know cal's got it bad cause he's still hanging round the hospital on a saturday night on his day off

here come ethan and alicia to make fun of him again sjsjdjf "dear sam..." "i think you are just so handsome" "ooo shall we have a shower together" "again, that's your brother, come on" "i'm not really getting the hang of this game"😭😭

cal ignores them and takes sam's advice and calls connie over "oh mrs beauchamp? it must be a pretty quiet shift for these conjoined doctors to be standing around all night" "and what are you doing?" "i am doing research work for mr strachan" and ethan and alicia turn to each other trying not to laugh again until connie tells them to follow her to the sluice SJDSJFJJKDF and now they're annoyed and it's cal's turn to make fun of them "oh no! here i am in trouble and all i was trying to do was impress alicia! wey aye pet, i am not impressed with owt ere like" and they both look at him with disbelief SJSDJDJFDJG I MISS THIS TRIO SO MUUUUCH😭😭😭 i mean the crucial thing ethan and alicia are missing here is they don't know that cal knows they already slept together

poor david :(

louise admitting that jez being bi is what's bothering her🥴 she says she doesn't understand but maybe he could explain over breakfast

aand they're kissing

oh yeah duffy and charlotte have the same birthday!

dylan apologises for not recognising the signs earlier and convinces david to seek help willingly rather than get sectioned

"i told the department of work and pensions i wasn't fit to come back to work. i was right, wasn't i?" :(

[shootyourse1f]

This is just a stupid vent since I don't wanna post this crap on my main.

My friend is annoying the FUCK out of me dude it's not even funny anymore it's so hard being nice to that bitch every single moment we talk feels like HELL because all she does is call me fucking slurs and tell me to kms like hello?? Who tf do YOU think you are?? Yeah, yeah, I'm probably sensitive af for this, but who tf tells/says to a person who deals with suicidal thoughts (pretty openly) to KILL THEMSELVES EVERY 5 FUCKING SECONDS OF EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN DAY. Besides, it's just so annoying and repetitive, and I'm getting to the point where I wanna lash out at her and block her to give her a taste of her own stupid medicine. Constantly saying she'll block me for dumb crap?? Then do it!! But wait, she probably knows nobody in this world is gonna put up with everything and be supportive AND not complain.

And she goes ON AND ON ABOUT HOW ME LIKING ERIC HARRIS IS BAD LIKE OMG NO SHIT? ARE YOU STUPID. She says the most obvious crap in the world and asks as if I don't know it already. God forbid I make ONE STUPID AND CORNY JOKE ABOUT ERIC AND SHE'LL BE ALL UP ON MY ASS FOR IT BUT THEN SHE SAYS THE SAME SHIT ABOUT THIS GUY SHE HAS A CRUSH ON AND THEN ITS FINE?? like I don't say shit to her when she starts going on and on and on about this guy but I make the smallest remark/comment about eric and oh my lordddd

And she texts me NONE FUCKING STOP EVEN THOUGH I'VE TOLD HER 3 TIMES IN THE SAME WEEK THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN DOING GOOD MENTALLY FOR WEEKS. LIKE OH MY GOSH SHUT UP. And jesus I can't repost SHIT on my main tiktok acc bc then she'll be all up in my dms saying how she knows I'm awake and how I'm ignoring her like YEAH?? take the hint dude. And I've told her countless times in the past that if I'm not in the mood to TALK, I won't reply until I feel better. It feels as if she doesn't listen, like when am I gonna get it through her head??

And she calls me crap like faggot, fattie and the n word when trying to get me to respond like bro just fucking stop. I've expressed to her time and time again that I don't like being called a literal fucking slur (the n word) and that it makes me uncomfortable but once again GOD FORBID SHE EVER LISTENS BC AT THE TIME SHE KEPT ASKING IF I WAS NOW OKAY WITH IT AFTER I TOLD HER LIKE WTF??? NO BRO IM NOT. BUT GOSH SHE ASKED SO MUCH I JUST ENDED UP SAYING YES BC SHE WOULDNT STOP.

And gosh, I can't talk about my literal BESTFRIEND without her calling him a slur and saying I should just forget about him??? Like who tf are YOU to tell me to forget abt him. And it stresses me out since she constantly asks if I consider her better than him yet, and it's just like, dude?? I've known him for way longer. I've only known her for a year, so....but she wants ME to consider her MY best friend when she doesn't consider me one and talks shit about me WITH her real best friend wtf.

And she quite literally forced me to do a face reveal and kept begging. She used the excuse that she revealed hers, so I should do the same when I never even asked her to reveal it?? Why tf should I when it was a YOU decision to do it.

I swear to GOD, though that she makes me wanna turn like eric and commit a fucking crime dude and yeah this is an overreaction since I shouldn't kill anybody over someone bothering me but Jesus I already have so much anger over a lot of crap and she doesn't help. I try and be as nice as I can be, but wtf is the point if she's still such a bitch and atp I'm so done with it all bro.

She makes me so filled with rage and hate along with most other people (this part might seem edgy but bear with me guys) to the point I genuinely wanna do some of the worst shit known to man. I won't ever act on any of these feelings (I hope), but I don't know how much longer I can deal with any of this bullshit anymore it's getting to the point where I wanna delete and block basically everyone ik.

This is all getting too long, so I'll end it here, but I'll make another vent probably later on since I'm still pissed off by a lot of crap but it's all to much for one post.

[the-firebird69]

And he's not sure he's just posted a post that sat there if bja tacked on some stuff. But we think he didn't, and the methane level is pretty high your son is saying it too he can taste it. And it is high it's pretty gassy here. And he'll have to have the antidote this is probably and there's a lot going on today this place it's going to be busy and we're rolling in and we are going to do projects in Charlotte county several of them one of them is the towers and we've been awarded that and told to go on it and Max work with us there's a few other projects. One of them is in town that's punta Gorda and it's not a bad project it's a legitimate project and people don't believe it when we tell them what it is it's Bank of America yeah it won't touch it or something so people want to know why it's fun as you kill it if it's leaking you fix the leak we know why they found fungus and they don't know what to do. You know what to do you get the building and you spray it down for fungus until the fungus is killed but they want to do is camp outside until it goes away and fix a roof first and say they do that and check that it's not done and they're nuts the sun says to take more than a year if the roof is not fixed right and Mac agreed and said they need to fix the roof and some old piece of dumb s*** who used to work there was sitting at the bank tents so you don't have to get up on in there you're just like this other squirrely guy and he meant it the sun said screw you and he had an image of a him holding a pistol on him and said you don't need no order down there in your Islands and he said I'm going to get you oh no a f** old s*** is going to be following me I don't know how to handle that yet let me think we have a crematorium for you and you're going to be joining it s*** head. So he said that's not very nice it works for us. Welcome to Florida retired piece of crap. And they were laughing at him and he said you're disgusting and he's as he's leaving he's flipping them the bird the lady is going what is that the bony finger you use them fine so became very angry and frustrated and they called for a security guard comes back and is waving the finger at them and says screw you I'll be back with a gun so they called the cops so you sat there all morning scene stupid things please leave your laughing. So leave so he left but he was threatening the whole time subtly. You're starting for them not to run the bank want them to feel like going home they called the cops and the cops said you should have security all the time so they got that done and the idiots start working the security guard constantly and they're not the security guards and they call the cops important behavior of 50 times and you told the police one day it's not my idea of a perfect job but I have got a lot of exposure for this I got Sunday I want to be a cop they told him where he could go to the academy and he took it well then swing back around and it was an idiot he said why don't you just get in we saw what you're doing all day here. You said they're trying to steal the money it's annoying as hell the lady said you can't get anybody to do a real security job in this country and she's right they suck so bad. We got to get in the car in the driving off because I'm going to be a cop now and he says no full blown sheriff so they're laughing and he goes okay it's like me and you people suck so bad and why are your stupid jokes supposed to be things that fool us es I want to be a cop someday ohh and you started laughing and he said it's a stupid thing to say. He said to us and we know that one so they come around from the other side of the car and say get out and he goes on that side because it must be on this side he's trying to scooch over and we stand and pull them out cuz it took forever and drag them out of the ground and beat him to death

Thor Freya