#if anyone is inspired to write this

[stansastan]

Knives Out - Noir AU

Marta, a young nurse caring for a rich old man soon earns his trust and discovers that the buisnessman is an important member of the mob.

After his suden and mysterious death, she starts receiving anonymous calls and letters threatening her for knowing too much.

Fearing for her safety, she hires Benoît Blanc, a renowned private detective in hope to put an end to her nightmare.

[tofixtheshadows]

I've been thinking a lot lately about how Kabru deprives himself.

Kabru as a character is intertwined with the idea that sometimes we have to sacrifice the needs of the few for the good of the many. He ultimately subverts this first by sabotaging the Canaries and then by letting Laios go, but in practice he's already been living a life of self-sacrifice.

Saving people, and learning the secrets of the dungeons to seal them, are what's important. Not his own comforts. Not his own desires. He forces them down until he doesn't know they're there, until one of them has to come spilling out during the confession in chapter 76.

Specifically, I think it's very significant, in a story about food and all that it entails, that Kabru is rarely shown eating. He's the deuteragonist of Dungeon Meshi, the cooking manga, but while meals are the anchoring points of Laios's journey, given loving focus, for Kabru, they're ... not.

I'm sure he eats during dungeon expeditions, in the routine way that adventurers must when they sit down to camp. But on the surface, you get the idea that Kabru spends most of his time doing his self-assigned dungeon-related tasks: meeting with people, studying them, putting together that evidence board, researching the dungeon, god knows what else. Feeding himself is secondary.

He's introduced during a meal, eating at a restaurant, just to set up the contrast between his party and Laios's. And it's the last normal meal we see him eating until the communal ending feast (if you consider Falin's dragon parts normal).

First, we get this:

Kabru's response here is such a non-answer, it strongly implies to me that he wasn't thinking about it until Rin brought it up. That he might not even be feeling the hunger signals that he logically knew he should.

They sit down to eat, but Kabru is never drawn reaching for food or eating it like the rest of his party. He only drinks.

It's possible this means nothing, that we can just assume he's putting food in his mouth off-panel, but again, this entire manga is about food. Cooking it, eating it, appreciating it, taking pleasure in it, grounding yourself in the necessary routine of it and affirming your right to live by consuming it. It's given such a huge focus.

We don't see him eat again until the harpy egg.

What a significant question for the protagonist to ask his foil in this story about eating! Aren't you hungry? Aren't you, Kabru?

He was revived only minutes ago after a violent encounter. And then he chokes down food that causes him further harm by triggering him, all because he's so determined to stay in Laios's good graces.

In his flashback, we see Milsiril trying to spoon-feed young Kabru cake that we know he doesn't like. He doesn't want to eat: he wants to be training.

Then with Mithrun, we see him eating the least-monstery monster food he can get his hands on, for the sake of survival- walking mushroom, barometz, an egg. The barometz is his first chance to make something like an a real meal, and he actually seems excited about it because he wants to replicate a lamb dish his mother used to make him!

...but he doesn't get to enjoy it like he wanted to.

Then, when all the Canaries are eating field rations ... Kabru still isn't shown eating. He's only shown giving food to Mithrun.

And of course the next time he eats is the bavarois, which for his sake is at least plant based ... but he still has to use a coping mechanism to get through it.

I don't think Kabru does this all on purpose. I think Kui does this all on purpose. Kabru's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder should be understood as informing his character just as much as Laios's autism informs his. It's another way that Kabru and Laios act as foils: where Laios takes pleasure in meals and approaches food with the excitement of discovery, Kabru's experiences with eating are tainted by his trauma. Laios indulges; Kabru denies himself. Laios is shown enjoying food, Kabru is shown struggling with it.

And I can very easily imagine a reason why Kabru might have a subconscious aversion towards eating.

Meals are the privilege of the living.

[girlfictions]

jenny zhang, in an interview with thora siemsen

[sapphicyanli]

truly rare netflix w for casting the gayest person in the natla cast as zuko. literally couldnt get any better than this

[antiqua-lugar]

aside from everything else about durgewyll I am loving how it highlights wyll and gortash as narrative foils. both their upbringings lead them to interact with demoniac entities, both can only become archdukes and join baldurian high society through uldred, both are swaying the dark urge from simply following bhaal (and arguably the dark urge sways them from simply pursuing an ideal and the dark urge can recognise both as their equal)

and by playing your card right in act 3 wyll just...gets everything gortash was trying to get? wyll really is a hero saving baldur's gate from the legion of the absolute. wyll influences gortash's favourite assassin into becoming someone they can defeat the netehrbrain together. they can even become archdukes together! ...or they can turn it down and then they can go to he hells to sneak around and have adventures (like gortash and durge used to) and save karlach's life (the same life that is at risk because gortash mindlessly threw it away).

like. it's a lot, wyll and durge can even murder raphael.

[patolemus]

Here’s a little thing that’s been bugging me for a few weeks.

Summary: Stiles is a demon. This is common knowledge. At least, he was under the impression that this is common knowledge. He should have known better than to trust Derek Hale to figure it out.

————————————

Look, in his defense, Stiles was sure they knew. At least, he was sure Derek knew, and if Derek knew, then the rest of the pack knew. That’s just kind of how it works, when they aren’t hiding threats from each other.

(He’s not pointing fingers. It’s just that Stiles sometimes gets fucking tired when the pack does not tell him shit and then he ends up having to figure it all out by himself so they don’t get themselves killed. It wasn’t funny the first time Scott tried it back in sophomore year. It hasn’t gotten any funnier since.)

(Alright, so he is pointing fingers. Sue him.)

Stiles is a demon. And okay, before anyone gets mad and starts saying shit like ‘no he’s not, he’s just a bit chaotic’, he… well, Stiles will admit to being chaotic as a general rule, but that is more of a character choice. He’s being for real when he says he’s a demon.

His parents couldn’t have children. It’s just how it goes sometimes. But Claudia was a very powerful witch, and she knew a thing or two about making pacts with demons. So when the doctors told her she could not carry any children, she figured the next step was obviously to summon a creature from down below and make a deal with it in exchange for a child.

That’s where Stiles comes in.

Claudia probably wasn’t expecting a demon child to come to her when she did her summoning, but personally? Stiles thinks she lucked out. Stiles is a friendly demon, as far as those go, and his policy regarding humans is more ‘see what makes them tick’ rather than ‘make them burst into flames spontaneously’, so all in all, she could have done a lot worse.

So that’s kind of how he ends up as Stiles Stilinski, son of John and Claudia Stilinski. Claudia and John are the only ones that know Stiles’ true name, though only Claudia can say it right. John tries his best, but they all collectively decide that Mischief is a rather good alternative.

In exchange for being the best son anyone could have, Stiles gets to spend an unspecified amount time on the mortal realm. Claudia doesn’t put any restrictions on him, on the understanding that Stiles can’t go and kill people for kicks. Annoying them is fair game, though.

That’s fine. Stiles has never been particularly interested in needless violence. He’d much rather learn everything there is to know about humans. Such interesting creatures. Truly fascinating.

And that’s how he spends the next twelve years of his life. He makes one singular friend - humans tend to get this instinctual need to get away from demons, but Scott doesn’t have any survival instincts at all, so it works out fine - and spends most of his time enjoying the admittedly mundane life of a human child.

Stiles knows there’s a pack of werewolves living in town, but he never runs into them, and then they die in that terribly suspicious fire and the survivors leave. The town quiets down a lot after that, and Stiles tries not to mourn the loss too badly. The energy they gave off was very pleasant.

Then the werewolves come back to town.

Stiles doesn’t intent to get involved. He doesn’t. He’s a demon, he doesn’t care for mortal affairs no matter how amusing they are. So he doesn’t do anything when he feels the presence of an Alpha in Beacon Hills after seven years. A not his circus not his monkeys kinda situation. But then Scott gets turned into a werewolf, and Stiles doesn’t care for mortal affairs but he does care about Scott, so really, it was inevitable.

There’s also Derek Hale. Derek Hale with his lickable abs and his chiseled scowly face and that angryhurtsadmiserable aura of his. Stiles acuses him of murder, Derek shoves him into walls. How is Stiles supposed to not become completely obsessed?

Anyways.

Stiles isn’t sure how he ended up in a pack of werewolves of all things - demons are lonely creatures, they don’t get packs - but he can probably blame Scott for that. It’s pretty alright, even if he gets dragged into every possible supernatural matchup imaginable. At least no one is busting out the holy water. Not that it would work, that’s a myth. Stiles had that phase as a kid where he went to church every Sunday morning and received the sacrament of Eucharist just for kicks. His dad didn’t find it funny, but Stiles still thinks it’s fucking hilarious. Now he uses the name of Jesus Christ every time he can. It’s blasphemous and Stiles thinks it’s hilarious too.

Back to the point, Stiles never bothered to hide he’s a demon. He doesn’t advertise it, of course, but he doesn’t go out of his way to mask his scent or whatever. He’s powerful enough that he can take on mostly anything that comes find him. So he thought Derek knew, and was just being chill about it and not mentioning it.

Apparently not.

The bitten wolves, he could understand. They still mix up deer and rabbit after years of being bitten when they’re running in the preserve. But Derek’s a born wolf. He was trained since he was a kid, and it’s not like demons are hard to sniff out. Hell clings to Stiles like a second skin.

Well, it turns out Derek is the ultimate failwolf, because after four years, he still had no idea. It takes a run in with another demon - this one does like to set humans on fire, unfortunately, so Stiles has to banish it back to Hell - and even then Stiles has to practically spell it out for him. Stiles is only a bit disappointed in him. Mostly, he’s still a bit confused on how Derek even missed it in the first place.

“Dude, can’t you smell it?” he asks, and they’re alone in the loft because everyone else has gone out to buy celebratory donuts while they try to get the scorch marks off Derek’s wall. It’s not going as well as they hoped.

Instead of an answer, or a growl, which is his primary method of communication, Derek does something unexpected and fucking—blushes.

Huh. Okay.

Wait, no. Not okay. What?

“It’s not considered polite to act on the way people smell, Stiles,” and Derek’s voice is strangled, like it hurts him to get the words out. He’s always been bad at talking but Jesus Christ, this is excessive.

(Heh. Jesus Christ. It will never not be funny.)

“That’s bullshit and you know it. I’ve lost count of how many times you’ve sniffed out other supernatural creatures or people’s intentions. It’s what you do. Other than rip out throats and creep around my window, obviously,” Derek’s scowl makes an appearance - there it is, Stiles was getting worried for a second - looking back at the scorched wall like it’s going to magically clean itself with the power of his rage.

Stiles could probably do something like that. Maybe. His magic is chaotic on a good day, so he can’t really call it reliable. Destructive, definitely. Offensive, if he has to pick between that and defense. Stiles is terrible at that.

He’s really getting off track here.

“That’s different. You’re not a supernatural creature,” Derek says stubbornly and what?

“What?”

“What,” it’s impressive how he always manages to ask questions that don’t sound like questions.

“What do you mean, I’m not a supernatural creature? Are you—“ Stiles looks at his Alpha with narrowed eyes, mouth open mid sentence as it finally downs on him that they’re talking about very different things. “What did you think I meant when I asked you if you smelt it?”

Derek stubbornly refuses to say anything. That’s fine. Stiles is the king of stubborn, he can out-stubborn anyone at any given time.

“Tell me,” he presses. Derek doesn’t say anything. “Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell—“

“Jesus fuck, Stiles, fine!” heh. Stiles knew he’d break. “I was smelling that you’re horny. All the time.”

That— that’s not what Stiles was expecting. Um. Okay. So things got awkward very fucking quickly.

“Oh,” he says, and now he sounds strangled because he thought he’d kept that little tidbit of information hidden quite nicely. It turns out Derek was just being polite about it.

God, does it mean the betas can smell it too? Oh, no, no no no no.

(Heh. God. Stiles is so funny.)

(He really has to stop unfocusing like this.)

Stiles is officially mortified. Turns out even demons get prudish after spending so much time in the mortal realm. Who knew? It’s okay, Stiles will just find the nearest bridge to throw himself off from. If he has any luck he’ll die instantly and won’t get back to Hell so he doesn’t have to live with this knowledge forever.

“It’s okay. I know it’s not personal or anything,” Derek’s still not looking at him. He’s grabbed back his rag and is valiantly rubbing away at the wall. Stiles doesn’t have the heart to tell him that if the mark hasn’t come out already, it probably never will. He’d know, he’s burned plenty of walls before.

By accident, if his dad ever asks.

“That’s fine and all, only it’s very personal,” and Stiles is just making a bigger hole to bury himself in, but his mouth is faster than his brain. It’s an ongoing issue. “You don’t think I’m horny all the fucking time, right? I mean, demons do have that hyper hormonal stage at my age but assuming it’s all the time is a bit excessive. I’m not a succubus. This is completely a you thing.”

Derek’s face does that thing where it pinches in between his eyebrows and his eyes narrow a bit, lips pressed together tightly. It’s his Stiles Just Said Something Deeply Upsetting face. He uses it a lot.

Alright, time to backtrack.

“It’s really okay that you don’t feel the same. Really, I get it. I wouldn’t feel the same about me either. So let’s just ignore I ever said anything, and we can go back to trying to clean this up even if we both know it’s not going to come out,” he offers Derek his most winning smile. Derek’s face just gets even more pinched.

Stiles’ senses are pretty dulled here on the mortal realm, but he doesn’t need them to know his Alpha is probably very pissed. At him, specifically.

So it’s Tuesday, then.

Stiles takes a step back, just as a precaution. He doesn’t think Derek will throw him against a wall - he stopped doing that a couple of years ago. Stiles refuses to acknowledge he kinda misses it - but you can never be too cautious. And Stiles did kind of just confess his undying horniness for him.

Imagine if he’d also told the guy he’s utterly and helplessly in love with him. That would have gone fantastically. Not.

“You’re a demon?” Derek’s voice comes out more high pitch than Stiles has ever heard it. He’s surprised. Why is he surprised? This is what they were talking about, before Stiles stuck a foot in his mouth. “Since when?”

“Since always? Seriously dude, can’t you smell it?”

It’s like they’re back in square one.

So. Turns out Derek truly had no idea Stiles is a demon. No wonder he’d looked like Stiles had grown a second head when he banished that fiend back to Hell.

On the good side, Derek apparently also returns his feelings, after they go in circles a few more times and Stiles gets across that he’s not just horny, he’s in love. A happy ending, in Stiles’ opinion.

(“How did you end up as the son of the Sheriff anyway? Is he a demon, too?”

“Hmn? Oh, no. My mom just did this summoning ritual for a Prince of Hell to get them a child, and I showed up. It was kind of a two for one deal,” he waves his hand dismissively.

“You’re a what?”

Oh, boy. Stiles knew he was forgetting something.)

[finemeal]

Title: Champion

I'm gonna post these separately because I know people who like DC don't necessarily like DPxDC SO! This is my DC Pokémon AU piece I did for a game in the @haunting-heroes-creative-games server! Hosted by @artdecielle, we played Guess the Artist: Through the Screen. I had so much fun drawing Jason with all these poke's, and it took me a total of 9 hours and 37 minutes.

The Pokémon shown on the left from bottom to top:

Houndoom

Feraligatr

Staraptor

The Pokémon shown on the right from bottom to top:

Gengar

Haxorus

Gliscor

I imagine Jason is a Pokémon trainer who has become Champion at this point. Trained by the Chairman of their region: Bruce Wayne (who has trained many Pokémon Champions). Eventually, Jason will become a Gym Leader when the next protégé becomes Champion, but right now he's holding it!

Tried to add the Red Hood symbol on his shirt and make him feel very Jason. I excluded his white tuft cuz I felt it would give me away in the game, but I do generally imagine him with it! I'm just so proud of this piece and had so much fun making it <3

[brekitten]

Bruce doesn't dream.

He never has, really - at least, not that he can remember. He never even had nightmares from the night his parents died. Maybe that's why; maybe he just subconsciously trained himself to not dream after that night, in fear of the nightmares that were sure to come. But the point is that he does not dream.

And yet.

The dream always starts out the same, every night, every time he closes his eyes and slips into the embrace of sleep. He's in a pitch-black room, one so dark that he can't see his hands even when he raises them right in front of his face. He knows, somehow, that he can walk for hours without coming into contact with anything - walls, furniture, anything at all to indicate that he was even in a room. Yet he knows that he is, although he's not sure why, as there really is no reason for him to know that.

The dream changes, after a while of walking. He knows that he won't find anything, no matter how far or how long he walks. This place is empty, desolate even. It fills him with dread every time. The change is never consistent, always bringing him to a different place each night.

(Once, it was a dusty old bedroom, one that made his heart ache, although he didn't know why. He had taken notice of the various space-themed decorations, the model rockets and NASA posters and stars on the ceiling. It was clearly a child's bedroom, but it hadn't been used in a long time. Another time, it was a darkened lab, illuminated only by the strange vials of green liquid lined along the many, many shelves. Bruce had wondered, after he had awoken, if it was Lazarus Water, but that felt wrong. It was something else. Something more. It had made him uneasy, and he got the feeling that something terrible had happened there. He didn't get a chance to investigate the gaping hole in the wall before he had been whisked away to another part of the dream.)

This time, he is in a brightly-lit white lab, and he has to blink stars out of his eyes at the abrupt change in lighting and color. He looks around; it seems like a typical lab, but everything is pure white, except for a green stain on the table. He can feel bile rising in his throat at the sight of the cuffs on the table, and though he still doesn't know what the green substance is, he gets the horrible feeling that it's blood. A lot of it.

He uses what little time he has to investigate the lab. There is an abundance of medical supplies, but many look unused, with the exception of the scalpels. The pit in his stomach continues to grow. Why were there so many? He reaches toward a vial of red liquid, wrong wrong wrong this is wrong, when the dream changes again.

Now he's in what is clearly a cell, except even the cells in Arkham aren't this bare. The only thing it contains is a familiar white-haired teenager, who is chained to the floor with cuffs that glow the same green as the vials of Lazarus Water that he's seen before.

Though Bruce has never learned his name, he has been in every dream, the one constant (besides the empty room, of course) in each one. The kid has never spoken, never done more than watch, but Bruce has always gotten the feeling that he was the reason for these strange dreams.

He knows that he should be more worried. If some kind of meta has managed to get inside his head, there's no telling what could happen. But he can't bring himself to be. Something is wrong, and it's not the teenager.

He can't help but think of his own children.

Something feels . . . off this time. The kid isn't looking up, isn't even moving - he seems limp, almost, as he kneels on the ground, weighed down by the chains keeping him there. Green blood - Bruce knows it's blood now, it has to be - drips from his still figure, pooling on the ground underneath him.

Bruce can't move. He desperately wants to, what could he even do? but it's like he's frozen in place. He can only watch as the teenager slowly, agonizingly, looks up at him, his bright green eyes dull and filled with fear and desperation and hope and -

Bruce wakes.

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

x

[aeviann]

This was a huge project to take on, but I finally wanted to dedicate a big piece to one of my favourite characters of all time - Ike means a lot to me and I love him dearly!

Also doing fake movie posters is fun >:)

You can get prints of this on my Etsy!

version without text under the cut

[min-min-minnie]

wake up one piece fanfic nation!!!! after nearly 4 years, ch7 of beginning the next dream has dropped!!!!

[cinnamontoastcrunch-15]

Today's @wolfstarmicrofic prompt is Awful First Meeting!

Have a PTA AU xoxo

(521 words.)

Remus is running.

He seems to find himself sprinting to the school a lot, at the moment. Staying later and later to finish his fucking project at work. He's never picked Teddy up late, though. That much he can be proud of.

This bake sale, however?

Remus fails to see why he should give a shit. A bunch of catty parents are going to have plated up tiny Tesco brownies, claiming that they baked them and shooting Remus glares when he walks past with his kid. It's really not that important. He's been avoiding every PTA event for a reason.

Still, Teddy's desperate for him to go to this one and meet his best friend. As much as Remus tries to put his foot down, he's not going to be a shitty dad. He can't say no to that kid, not really.

So here he is, making it to the bake sale just on time. Teddy runs from his teacher and straight over to him, squealing with delight when Remus picks him up and spins him around.

"Hey, Ted! How was school?"

As Teddy chatters on about his day, Remus shifts his weight until his kid is on his hip. He doesn't even notice someone approaching until a voice sounds.

"You must be Remus Lupin?" A man says, and Remus turns his head.

The first thing he thinks is that this man is absolutely gorgeous.

His long black hair falls down to his shoulders in a way that almost makes it indistinguishable from water. Remus has to stop himself from raking his eyes up and down him, landing on meeting his eyes. There's a flash of something in them that unsettles Remus, slightly. Some sense of... irritation?

"Yeah, yeah, that's me," Remus says, setting Teddy down and letting him run over to a group of kids.

"I'm Sirius," He introduces himself, and-

Ah.

Sirius.

Head of the PTA.

"It's good to finally meet you. Giving the PTA a try?" He asks, and if he thinks Remus can't hear the attempt to mask his sarcasm, then he must think Remus is an idiot.

"Well, Teddy wanted me here, so I got the day off work."

Sirius nods once, slowly, and it does nothing but frustrate Remus.

"So, what did you bring?" Sirius asks casually.

Remus reaches in his bag, trying to grab the brownies he and Teddy has made.

"I've got- they're just... christ, I forgot to bring them. Sorry."

"You can just say you didn't make anything," Sirius says calmly, and his incredulous tone makes Remus want to scream. What the fuck does he know about being a single dad? About working three jobs to make sure your son doesn't notice how they're struggling?

"Maybe I won't come to another PTA event," Remus says sharply, looking Sirius up and down before getting closer to his son.

"Harry!" Teddy calls, as a young boy with wild hair gets closer. Sirius walks over and ruffles the boy's hair before he makes his way over to Teddy, sending a realisation through Remus.

Fuck.

His son's best friend is related to that pompous fucking dad.

[sacha-da-1]

NBC Hannibal AU where everything is basically the same but it turns out Will is just some actual Eldritch abomination pretending to be human and Hannibal soon finds out that Will’s “becoming” entails a lot more than what he bargained for. Like he knew Will was “different” he just wasn’t expecting THAT.

[allgremlinart]

superbat wip... that World’s Finest cover was right, they DO deserve a homoerotic beach vacation..

[beesechurgerzz]

the flow of time is always cruel

AU time :)

dan has to prevent his own creation

[tcfactory]

I have Other Projects that need writing first, but I have this mighty need for like. An SVSSS fic with Shen Jiu getting Tianlang-Jun out from under the mountain for whatever reason, consequently gaining just the worst kind of meddling gremlin matchmaker who is now dead set on fixing his life.

Shen Qingqiu is going to get therapy whether he wants it or not!! Tianlang-Jun can't go enacting vengeance on Huan Hua yet and has nothing better to do with his life right now! Zhuzhi-Lang, tell the prickly immortal master that this is for his own good! Attaboy.

Did I write almost 3k words of an outline for a fic I don't currently have the spoons to write and might never get around to? Yes. It was originally a twitter thread here, enjoy the very lightly edited details of this madness under the cut:

Maybe some business takes Shen Qingqiu near the mountain and curiosity bites him to see the sealed demon emperor - to see how good of a job stupid Qi-ge did because his shizun is singing praises about how Yue Qingyuan did the main seal and without him the whole thing would fall apart.

So he hides his presence - can't have the head disciple of Qing Jing Peak snooping around after all - and goes to take a look. It's soon enough that Tianlang-Jun is not completely out of it yet, he's humming and reciting and singing to himself in the dark to stay sane.

It gives Shen Qingqiu pause because he knows that song the demon is singing in a voice that would be surprisingly nice if his throat wasn't halfway crushed probably. One of the jiejies at the Pavilion sang it to him once when they were talking about composing, one music master to another. She composed it before she came to the city, for a likeable if spoiled young master, who then fell in love with an upstanding cultivator and kindly paid her ten times the original commission fee to please don't ever perform it in public because his beau is the jealous type.

So how does Tianlang-Jun know the song, Shen Qingqiu wonders. There's something very fishy about this. The songstress spoke only highly of the 'spoiled young master', but now that he thinks about it the timeline seems to check out... So he sneaks closer to investigate.

Tianlang-Jun hears him approaching and turns towards him. There are talismans over his eyes so he can't see Shen Qingqiu, but he quietly asks "the immortal master" to please don't be loud, his dear nephew have only just now fallen asleep. Poor Zhuzhi is running himself ragged trying to keep his uncle's spirit up and trying to find any crack in the talismans, but he already reverted to his original form and can't do much. He's curled up next to Tianlang-Jun so his uncle can just barely rest a hand on his head and is deep asleep.

Shen Qingqiu can't resist commenting on how hideous Zhuzhi-Lang is and Tianlang-Jun agrees but insists this is his nephew they are talking about so could the immortal master please not pick on his sweet hardworking Zhuzhi-Lang? Ah, master, did you know in some parts of the demon realm this counts as flirting? No?

They talk some more and Shen Qingqiu is mystified by how cordial the demon is - "What point is there in wasting my energy on raging against you, master Shen? You were not one of those who sealed me and my throat hurts so much afterwards you just wouldn't believe. 0/10 would not recommend."

Gets confirmation that yes this is indeed the 'spoiled young master', he does remember the girl he hired to write him a song, he now regrets terribly that he didn't just stick with it instead of running after romance. Was the money enough for the girl to buy her contract? Oh good. He was worried he didn't give enough.

And the more he hears about Tianlang-Jun's shenanigans in the human realm, the more Shen Jiu has Doubts about what went down. A man who fusses over his unfortunate, hideous thing of a nephew like Zhuzhi-Lang is the most precious good boy, who pretends to be drunk and 'accidentally' rents out a whole brothel for a week so a violent young master and his buddies can't hurt the girls while they are visiting the city is about as high up on Shen Qingqiu's 'good person' scale as a man can ever get, regardless of what else he is.

Shen Qingqiu has a good sense for Men That Are Better Avoided and Tianlang-Jun is tripping none of his badtouch feelers - very much unlike the Old Palace Master. Zhuzhi-Lang eventually wakes up and tries to scare Shen Qingqiu off, with mixed results. His unusual loyalty to Tianlang-Jun is noted, however.

So Shen Qingqiu goes back to the sect and hatches a Plan. It involves Mu Qingfang who knows all sorts of truth pollen, Shang Qinghua who can source basically anything they need and Yue Qingyue because stupid soft-hearted Qi-ge would not stand for being complacent in injustice. Plus they can count on his good nature to cover their asses if they are caught. Always good to have a backup plan in case they get in hot water, head disciples of a notable sect sneaking into another sect's territory to tamper with the sealed heavenly demon emperor.

It is fortunate that Tianlang-Jun currently can't see and Zhuzhi-Lang has no words to tell him Yue Qingyuan is there, because all Shen Qingqiu told him was that they are not with Huan Hua and that he wants to get to the bottom of this - preferably so he can dig a hole there and bury the Old Palace Master for good, the wording of which highly amuses the demon. So Tianlang-Jun is very cooperative, for the relief their company brings if nothing else. They hear all about his enthusiasm for the human realm (now a little bit dampened, he admits with a strained laugh) and figure out that he can't keep a serious lie up for more than 5 minutes. He probably could, Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua agree, finding common ground in their mutual bullshit/lie-radar, but it's not in his nature. Shang Qinghua mimes checking with his sources, goes for a good round of complaining to his ice prince, then returns having 'confirmed' Tianlang-Jun's recounting of the events.

So next point on the agenda: fixing this shit. Getting Tianlang-Jun out and finding out what happened to Su Xiyan. After that: finding a pit of demon ants they can shove the Old Palace Master into for a slow death, getting him to confess all his crimes in writing beforehand optional.

Getting Tianlang-Jun out is easier than anticipated because the sect leader was only exaggerating a little when he said the Yue Qingyuan's seal is the thing holding the whole binding together. With it willingly undone Yue Qingyuan can go wreck the other bindings with his cursed sword to weaken it further. Tianlang-Jun has only been under the mountain for a few years so he's not completely depowered, and after Mu Qingfang gives him some very rare demonic boosters ("Shang-shidi, stop shaking, nobody is going to ask where you got them!") he can break out no problem. It comes with a huge earthquake tho, so they must make a run for it. Huan Hua does find out that Tianlang-Jun got out as a result, but they are not suspected of freeing him for now.

They must hide the still recovering Tianlang-Jun and the now conveniently humanoid Zhuzhi-Lang and they need to track down what happened to Su Xiyan - which is probably the easiest, because Zhuzhi-Lang can remember her scent and her qi and he's a demon snake so he can use those to track her path, even years past. They find no Su Xiyan, but they do find baby Luo Binghe and that makes things uuuh. Not really better, honestly. The washerwoman is glad that the father came to track the child down, he looks like a very upstanding young master ("How?! He looks one bad step away from feral!"). Nobody listens to Shang Qinghua and Zhuzhi-Lang when they try to explain that maybe Tianlang-Jun as a single father is not a great idea, but they are kind of short on great or even passable ideas so they will take it.

Mu Qingfang however discovers the seal on Luo Binghe and declares that it shouldn't be carelessly undone. So they can't go and hide in the demon realm with effectively human baby Luo Binghe and while Tianlang-Jun can actually hide his demon nature very convincingly, they can't go around with Zhuzhi-Lang being so clearly recognizable.

Shang Qinghua and his plot devices to the rescue!

It's the flower of a very rare demonic plant with the ability to change half of a mixed-origin demon's nature - was originally meant for a wife plot with a demoness with similarly incompatible heritages who of course turned into a beauty afterwards...

Heavenly demon blood is very resistant to tampering, but nothing stops the flower from changing poor Zhuzhi's snake half - in this case to that of a human, for easier blending in purposes. Zhuzhi-Lang is not happy about this, but he can see the merits in it.

The drawbacks: the flower blooms once every three centuries (Shang Qinghua gets Mobei-Jun to steal a preserved bloom for him from the Northern treasure vault) so if he changes, he can't change again until then, quite a few decades from now. He will be stuck as half-human. He would lose all his snake traits, which he is not happy about.

The pros: easier hiding among humans, if something happens and Tianlang-Jun dies for real he won't turn back into that awkward half-snake form. He would remain humanoid.

The neutral: Mu Qingfang realizes that his mental health is depended on his snake familiars and sets Shang Qinghua to get a bunch of very rare ingredients for a potion of permanent speak-with-sneks. The family resemblance between Tianlang-Jun and Zhuzhi-Lang is more obvious so they can pass him off as Tianlang-Jun's son to make their made-up backstory more coherent. Mobei-Jun is a little suspicious about Shang Qinghua's sudden interest in rare demonic things, but mostly he's happy that his human is asking things of him, and he can start working off the life debt he owes Shang Qinghua. He might teleport into the middle of shenanigans and get drafted into the madness.

Zhuzhi-Lang never looked very old, but he looks maybe 13-14 now. So after overhearing Shang Qinghua's mumblings that they will have to get Luo Binghe into the sect to start cultivating before his seal is broken so he has the basics of cultivation down, Tianlang-Jun gets a wonderful idea. And unfortunately, the person in charge of babysitting 'runaway young master single dad' is Yue Qingyuan who feels too guilty about sealing him under a mountain to oppose him before it's too late. They end up similarly sealing Zhuzhi-Lang so he can 'scout ahead' and as 'the big brother' prepare a spot for Luo Binghe in the sect.

It's bit of a tossup who gets the newly renamed Luo Yuxi shidi, but Shen Qingqiu will probably call dibs, let's be honest. He can't trust Yue Qingyuan not to go along with more madness and Zhuzhi-Lang has no talent for medicine (and he is getting really fond of Mu Qingfang, nope, not under Shen Qingqiu's watch!). And he still doesn't trust Shang Qinghua, period. They are all in this together and yes, they are terribly entangled with demons and schemes now, but he's not letting Shang Qinghua off the hook for already being all that and strangely knowledgeable about things to boot.

Tianlang-Jun moves into the city with Luo Binghe, fully leaning into the whole 'rich widow who ran away from his responsibilities after tragic death of wife' angle, takes on the washerwoman to help with the child rearing and almost accidentally builds a spy network (he calls it 'gossip club'). And what better gossip than what Zhuzhi-Lang brings him from the sect! While Shen Qingqiu and the others work their way up to peak lords, Zhuzhi-Lang makes it to head disciple instead of Ming Fan (he's just barely categorized as next gen compared to the Qin lords, due to how long it takes him to get the hang of human cultivation as opposed to demonic power) and passes all the juicy bits to Tianlang-Jun. And what juicy bits they are! He could write a romantic tragedy about QiJiu from all the details Zhuzhi-Lang overheard and/or strongarmed Shang Qinghua into telling once Mobei-Jun accidentally let it slip that Shang Qinghua might be something of a seer.

Actually, not just could, he does. Names and identifying details are tastefully changed - and he does a somewhat better job of it than Mingyan, so it's not immediately traced back to Shen Qingqiu and Yue Qingyuan. Partially because unlike The Regret of Chunshan, Tianlang-Jun's chosen medium is prose, so it doesn't catch on that quickly.

He can't help himself tho, it is still a yellow book, so there is a lot of added spice to that tragedy that decidedly did not happen and Shen Qingqiu will hound him about when he finally hears about it - lucky thing that Shen Qingqiu doesn't find out until after Tianlang-Jun decides he wants a happy end and starts meddling to make them reconcile/get together. Zhuzhi-Lang is happy that his uncle is busy trying to set Shen Qingqiu and Yue Qingyuan up because it means Tianlang-Jun doesn't realize that Zhuzhi-Lang started dating Mu Qingfang somewhere along the way. Luo Binghe grows up happy and spoiled rotten by his father, his Zhuzhu gege and several uncles, including Mobei-Jun.

Linguang-Jun eventually notices that his nephew keeps disappearing to the human world (to babysit Luo Binghe, mostly, but he still often sleeps in Shang Qinghua's room) and comes to investigate, only to be fully drawn into all the matchmaking shenanigans and maybe get surprise wifebeamed by Tianlang-Jun. Tianlang-Jun might cause a ceasefire between Linguang-Jun and Mobei-Jun by accident because the relationship between Tianlang-Jun and Zhuzhi-Lang makes Linguang-Jun reconsider his hate towards Mobei-Jun. He still doesn't approve of Mobei-Jun marrying Shang Qinghua though! Seriously Mobei, at least pick a bride who notices when he's being courted!

Liu Qingge shows up at one point, probably, trying to investigate what's going on with those four suddenly becoming like peas in a pod. Idk what he would achieve other than get underfoot, but he tries his best. Tianlang-Jun might dupe him into becoming his sparring partner, by pretending to be "Luo Tianlu, absolutely legit rogue cultivator who retired into a secular life and settled down as a young master with his two sons". Shang Qinghua finds it funny, so he helps Tianlang-Jun forge evidence for his fake identity.

Binge's gay awakening is one day realizing that the annoying shishu who likes sparring shirtless with his dad is really hot actually. He still ends up on Qing Jing Peak because Tianlang-Jun would cry if his son didn't become at least somewhat aware of arts, and he doesn't want to disappoint his dad. But the Endless Abyss arc is basically just a big Training Montage of Luo Binghe trying to become a worthy challenger to court Liu Qingge. When he finds Xin Mo he leaves it the fuck alone because the adults have taught him not to touch obviously evil swords whispering questionable promises. Besides, he can ask Mobei-shushu to teleport him home - or airdrop a very protective and ridiculously overpowered Tianlang-Jun in - any time he's in actual danger. It's a little bit embarrassing, but Shang Qinghua taught him that surviving is worth a little embarrassment, and he should know, right?

Airplane gets to watch the disaster of a setting he wrote spin towards multiple happy endings instead of tragedy, to the tune of a song about a spoiled young lord, because it was Shen Qingqiu and the others who set things in motion and it fried his System.

He likes it better this way.