#if i cant express myself i feel a bit trapped

[drvirgus]

The Idol who cant Smile

Minji X Fem! Reader

Description: You are the oldest Member of New Jeans, but Fans Never saw you Smile once. Why don't you Smile? Who's the Person that can bring back a smile to your Face?

Chapter 3:

With a furrowed brow, I stared into the mirror. I sighed and put on a smile once again, but it looked awful as always. Annoyed, I sighed once more. No matter what I tried, it just wasn't working. Whether I smiled with teeth, without them, or even just slightly smirked, none of these smiles looked genuine or even remotely nice.

I swallowed as the door opened. With wide eyes, I looked at Minji, who stopped in her tracks and looked at me. She glanced at me and then at the mirror. She blinked several times before she began to smile and closed the door again. She came closer to me, making me even more nervous.

"Whether you smile or not, you're still beautiful," I heard Minji say. My eyes widened as I looked at the taller woman. Her eyes roamed over my entire face. A small smirk played on her lips as she looked me straight in the eyes. Her hand landed on the sink, right next to my hip, as she leaned forward slightly. Automatically, I pressed myself more against the counter.

I swallowed. "Why do you suddenly want to smile?" Minji asked. Her face twisted in seriousness, but I couldn't focus on that right now. The closeness to her was making my heart race. It... was driving me insane.

"I... don't know. I want to smile at you and the others. I think it would be easier to calm you down or to praise you," I answered, and Minji's eyebrows raised. She licked her lips once. Her other hand now rested on the other side of the counter, right next to my hip. This brought her closer again. This time, I could feel her breath on my skin.

I visibly swallowed nervously. "Are you worried about that?" the taller one asked. Her eyes looked directly into mine. Her nose was almost touching mine. I felt warmth flooding my face. But I couldn't escape... I was trapped between the counter and her body.

I nodded slightly, barely noticeable. "Y-Yes," I replied. Minji smiled and let go of the counter. She took a step back. Her eyes slightly narrowed. She smiled as well. "Alright. Narrow your eyes a bit and lift the corners of your mouth. Not much, just a little," she instructed, demonstrating a smile for me.

My breath caught. I swallowed once again and tried it myself immediately. Minji looked at me, and shortly after, she chuckled softly. She looked to the side, her smile growing wider. I looked at her. My eyes narrowed, slightly offended. I took a deep breath. I reached for her wrist, causing her to look at me.

Her face turned into a serious expression. She looked at me. "Don't look at me like that, Y/n," she almost whispered. She licked her lips. My breath caught. It... was strange when Minji just said my name. She was even speaking informally to me. A slight shiver ran down my arms.

"How... do I look at you?" I asked softly. My head tilted slightly as I continued to look up at the younger woman. Her mouth was now slightly open as I gazed at her with curious eyes. I noticed Minji raising her hand, and in slow motion, her hand landed on my neck. She bit her lip.

"You... really should stop looking at me with those eyes," she said again. Her breath came in uneven bursts as her eyes flickered back and forth between mine. I swallowed. I sensed the tension, and my heart rate accelerated. I blinked slowly. Somehow... everything was moving so slowly right now.

The door opened with a quick motion, and almost instantly, Minji immediately backed away from me. My mouth opened as I bumped into the counter. Painfully, I held onto my hip. Minji looked at me with wide eyes. Her concern narrowed her eyes as she approached me again.

I immediately looked at Hanni. She looked at me with her mouth agape and then at Minji. Her eyes danced between us as her mouth hung open. I swallowed, feeling embarrassed. Almost in a rush, I passed by Hanni and quickly left the two women. My heart was pounding wildly in my chest.

What... on earth was that?

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My eyes widened as I saw Minji placing one of the boiled eggs on my rice. I looked at her. However, she continued to look at Haerin, who was in the middle of telling one of her stories. Minji nodded attentively from time to time.

I looked at the egg on my rice and immediately started eating it. Danielle, next to me, had been trying to reach for the beans all along. I quickly grabbed a few with my chopsticks and placed them on her plate. The younger one immediately looked at me with a wide grin. I simply nodded my head and continued eating.

Minji looked at me too. Her face rested in her hand. A faint smile on her lips as she observed me. I could feel her gaze on me, but I tried to ignore it as much as possible. I licked my lips and focused on Hanni.

"So, basically... you feel like a cat?" Hanni asked, raising her eyebrows as she glanced at Haerin. The latter simply nodded her head, causing my eyebrows to raise as well. Hyein burst into laughter and playfully slapped the slightly older girl's arm. However, Haerin looked at me shortly after.

I looked at her too. I nodded my head. "Honestly, I do treat you like a cat," I replied, and immediately, Danielle burst into laughter. She then looked at me. "Is that why you always pet her on the head?" she asked curiously. At that question, I simply nodded my head "I like to pet cute things", i answered shortly after.

Sighing, I looked at the orange in my hand. Somehow, I was currently too clumsy to peel the skin off. Immediately, a hand reached for me and took the orange from my hand. Surprised, I looked at Minji. However, she showed no reaction and simply started peeling the orange. After a few seconds, she placed the peeled orange back on my plate.

"Thank you," I murmured softly. Minji looked at me with a smirk, but her attention mostly shifted back to Hyein as she addressed her. However, I savored the orange now. I popped small pieces into my mouth. This time, my attention turned to Danielle.

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My mouth opened. I looked at the younger girl in surprise as she hugged me for quite some time. I pulled away after a few seconds and looked into her eyes. She smiled and sat down beside me once I had seated myself. Yuna seemed particularly clingy today. Was it because of the alcohol? but... we didnt drink, yet.

However, my eyes fell on Minji, who emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her head. She noticed all the members of Itzy and bowed briefly with her mouth slightly agape. Her eyes briefly met mine, and a grin formed on her face. She went straight into her bedroom to get ready.

My gaze shifted to Yeji, Ryujin, and Chaeryeong. They had already taken their seats and were engaging in conversations with my members. However, I felt an arm around mine. I turned my head to Yuna. "Are you drinking again today?" she asked curiously, looking at me. I hummed in agreement. "But not as much. Just a bit," I replied, and the younger one nodded in understanding.

The doorbell rang again, prompting Hyein to get up immediately. However, I stopped her. I placed my hand on her head before heading to the door. I opened it, and immediately, I recognized Lia holding several bags in her hand. She looked at me, and her smile was friendly.

It was strange... We had recently had a conversation. We ended our 'relationship'. She had fallen for someone else, which I naturally understood. We stopped right then and there and decided to remain friends, of course. After all, we were friends before everything between us began. It was a relationship without feelings anyway.

I took a few bags from her and led her into our kitchen. We quickly began chilling a few bottles. We even put a few in the freezer to cool them down faster. However, Lia looked at me as I bent down to place the bottles in the freezer.

"How's Yuna?" she asked. Almost immediately, my forehead furrowed, and I briefly turned my head to the older girl. I continued placing bottles in the fridge. "Um? Shouldn't you know that? I mean... you see her more often than I do," I answered with a shrug. I heard Lia burst into laughter. I looked at her questioningly.

"Are you really that oblivious?" she asked, laughing, which confused me even more. My forehead furrowed even more due to this. I stopped my activity and hesitated visibly. I simply stared at the older girl, not knowing how to respond because I had no idea what she was referring to.

"Yes, you can say that," suddenly came a voice from someone entering the kitchen. My eyes widened as I saw Minji approaching me. She smiled at Lia and briefly bowed her head. She then came over to me since I was standing right next to the fridge. Her hand landed on my hip, and naturally, she got close again.

Nervously, I audibly swallowed due to the closeness. My gaze lowered as I seemed to cling to the Soju bottles. I heard Minji open one of the hanging cupboards above my head, then take a glass from it. She closed the cabinet again with the hand that had been on my hip.

My mouth was slightly agape as I looked at Minji. She had simply smiled at me and taken a bottle of water from the fridge. Then, she went back to the living room without saying another word. My eyes were still wide as I continued to hold onto the bottles.

"Haaa," I heard from Lia. Immediately, I looked from the door to Lia again. The older girl was looking at me, a small smile playing on her lips. "I can see that," she said with a hum. My eyes widened immediately. "Don't get me wrong..." I defended myself, but the older girl only chuckled. She laughed, saying, "I should go back in," and I nodded in agreement.

I let out a soft sigh and continued. The bottles that didn't fit anywhere were placed on the floor next to the fridge. Then, I fetched glasses for everyone and placed them on the living room table. Everyone kept looking at me as I entered the living room.

Yuna eventually stood up. "Wait. I'll help you, Unnie," Yuna immediately offered and followed me into the kitchen. But contrary to what I had thought, Minji followed us too. This time, she didn't have a smile on her face. Instead, she seemed somewhat annoyed. Or simply bothered.

My forehead furrowed in question as I looked at the leader. "What's wrong, Minji? Does it bother you that we're hanging out in the living room? We can also go to my room if you prefer," I said, concerned. Yuna chimed in almost immediately. She looked at me with slightly widened eyes. "Your room? I'd love to see that, Unnie," the younger one said. I blinked several times.

"Sure, if you-"

"It doesn't bother me. Something else bothers me," Minji answered. Her gaze fixed on me, her jaw slightly tensing. But that only confused me more. My forehead furrowed further, and I tilted my head slightly. Yuna stood right beside me, also looking at Minji. The taller one approached me. Her eyes were slightly narrowed as she grabbed my wrist. Her lips pressed together.

Yuna, next to me, held her breath. With wide eyes, she looked at Minji and then at me. She seemed to be waiting for my reaction. I also hesitated. Minji's hand was warm, and her touch was so gentle. I looked at her across her entire face. My expression visibly softened. "I want your attention," Minji suddenly stated.

A smile formed on my face. This caught both Yuna and even Minji off guard. I looked at the taller girl and nodded my head. "Okay," I replied in a soft voice. I licked my lips and gently removed my wrist from her grip. I grabbed a few bottles from the freezer and handed them to the younger ones.

Together, we headed back to the living room. Yuna and Lia exchanged glances, while Hanni and Minji exchanged looks too.

They placed the drinks on the table. I immediately began making drinks for each of us. Of course, I made non-alcoholic beverages for the underage ones among us. I allowed Hanni and Minji to have some alcohol. However, Minji seemed to want only a small amount in her drink. I made sure to pay attention.

I settled onto the couch with my drink, Minji right next to me, and Yuna on the other side. Apparently, both of them wanted my attention. And I gave it to them. After all, I was the older one... It was my role to provide it.

[meet-at-tycho]

sorryyy its late and i am filled with joy and whimsy. i love them so much, my sibling always gets annoyed with me cuz theyre all i talk about.. can you blame me? to have that vast boring nothingness shift into excitement and happiness and real true love? if you were me, youd talk about it too

its so funny cuz my life seems to move in cycles, familiar patterns that ive grown really sick of.. traumatizing and terrible, horrible bloody mess.... and then the most long drawn out boring slice of life youve ever witnessed. trauma! nothing! trauma! nothing! really tired of that.. i never thought that my nothing could be broken with joy, isnt that strange? for once, im not really hurting anymore. when i do hurt, i can handle it on my own and let go, and if its too much then i know im safe to express it

ive come such a long way, i dont tend to see myself positively, but.. its hard not to be proud. guys it turns out all you need to be happy is like. LOVE isnt that so corny isnt that so unbelievably predictable... APPARENTLY its true, i guess it feels different when yr actually experiencing it firsthand

im like on the verge of tears right now but. theres no sweeter joy than this, its so fucking BIZARRE. how did it happen this way? all the little bits and pieces that fell into place, delivered me angels and made me whole again.. cheesy, i know im being cheesy but i cant help it!! im sweet on them as often as i can be but theres still a lot of things i just.. dont have the strength to say directly. so i say them here, im sure only one of you will see this anyways. but i dont need either of you to see it, just speaking my feelings out into open air eases my mind a bit more

sometimes im like wow! theres no way this is healthy im . can i really experience true love? love that doesnt hurt? love thats REAL? as much as im tempted to deny it, im living it every day!!! i wake up and theyre both there to greet me, isnt that sweet? the first people i speak to when i wake up, the last people i say goodnight to when i go to sleep

i think i just need someone, i think im the kind of person that just.. ive been alone for a while, its OKAY its whatever, ive definitely grown used to it but. i thrive when im with them, its so? maybe all i need is someone else to keep me here.. ive got two!!!!!

maybe thats not clear enough

the way id get through that droning loneliness is escapism, nonstop daydreams and dissociation, i was barely here. only to eat and take care of my body a little bit, then its back to fantasy, because .. theres people who love me in my dreams! but.. im honestly finding it so hard to slip back into that habit now. its scary, because its whats kept me safe. hiding in fiction has kept me safe, kept me calm, happy.. but i cant shake it out of my head!!!! any time i try to fall back into those routines, the only thing i can think of is THEM.. like yeah this is great and all but.. i dont want to be trapped in my head anymore!!! theyre out there, i want to be out there..

if im honest? its terrifying. im forced to come to terms with ME as a person, who i am, something ive neglected to acknowledge for my entire life, but. im so completely wrapped up in my love for them that i hardly think about that!!!!! for once, it sorta almost feels like time is moving how it should be.. like every day that passes is different, every day that passes is SPECIAL. it hurts me to say this, but i think i love being alive? can you imagine that? how is it possible that two strangers could just.. fall into my life one day and before i even know it, im healing, im happy, im whole. MAKE ME SICKK its so foul. its almost pathetic!!! is that really all ive needed? this whole time, and i couldnt find ONE proper candidate throughout 20 years of life? its hard to really be upset about it, cuz.. ive got them now. thats all that matters

idk, i just. i think its really telling the kind of people they are, i know im only me, but.. for what its worth, theyve improved my life so drastically, i wouldve never thought id see myself happy like this. they do that for me, they do that and so much more. i love you 💞

[franciskirkland]

Alright to start this ask off I'm just gonna say my interactions w/ you have genuenly been one of the funniest ive had in a long ass time. I've read ur recent post and I empathyse a lot. You seem incredibly funny and genuine. Idk your situation and your background and even your age, but I think you can and are pulling through. Things will get better even if you dont actively want them to. Im not saying this in a vague hope to make the situation you are in better. Im telling you, as a person who from the age of 14 went from therapist to therapist, somehow been on meds that dont fuckin exist yet in croatia, someone who feels trapped in the very /country/ she lives in with no means of escape, someone who is "waiting" for things to finally financially/academicaly/politicaly be better so that I can make something of my life. As it did for me, you will feel joy again in what you do, in what you have, and in what you can achieve. I think it's ok to be down, its ok to feel like "if a bus hit me tomorrow i wouldnt protest" but the thing about people is we adapt rather quickly. So putting yourself out there, going to places you are scared to and believe yourself to be an outcast from is exactly what gets you to meet people and see things that youll remember forever. And after a while the outcast will stop coming to these places, the person there will be someone who belongs. Apathy is a way of saying "fine whatever i dont even care anymore" but youll see how much you care.

I started getting ok after a full decade of *trying* and what I've always found is that for me the saying "don't take anything seriously" is no.1 rule. I get worked up, anxious and overwhelmed with so much so many times.

You may have problems with people at work with friends and whomever, but the main thing you gotta remember is *you cant change anyone but yourself*

And its not a change of personality, hair color, interests, its how much something will get to you, how willing are you to give something up thats not working out and how you will percieve something.

I have no doubt that you know all of this crap but i guess i wanted to say all of that just bc there is no greater pain for me than when i see someone feel like i did regardless of the reason or situation.

Keep on truckin and doing what u love even if its mpregfrance posting. I will always be here to send you to liking-france-jail, mwah <3

hello my sweaty angle <3 i'm sorry i'm just replying to this now. i had to sleep on it because your thoughtfulness deserves a sincere reply.

first of all - thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being so kind, sweet and insightful and offering your support.

the fact that you would take the precious time out of your day to write this out for me is, in a word, unbelievable. i really appreciate you checking in, it's an incredibly caring thing to do. to be honest i'm a little overwhelmed by the magnitude of this unexpected message and i wish i knew how better to express my appreciation.

i really do love to hear that i made you laugh. i live to shitpost. i've always prided myself on my sense of humor and sometimes i feel as if it's slipping away, so it's reliving to hear i've still got it.

unfortunately i still haven't had the strength to eat. i'm heading to work in a bit. things are pretty rough right now, but when have they not been? obviously my present circumstances aren't the root cause of all my problems. in fact my life has improved since moving here.

extensive bianca lore and vulnerability under the cut, apologies in advance.

basically, in so few words, my current situation is that i'm nearly 25 and have nothing to show for it. i've lived in different cities across the US, had great jobs, apartments, friends, roommates, relationships, etc. i have done a lot of living in a short amount of time. but then, in retrospect, it feels like it stopped.

about 3 years ago i was in a very bad place mentally due to the isolation of the pandemic, and i met my husband online. in early 2022 i gave up everything, saved over $10k for the visa and moving costs, and relocated from the US to australia to live with him. our relationship itself has improved from how it used to be, but since the beginning we've had seemingly endless bad luck and financial setbacks.

last year, not long after our (very disappointing) wedding, i suffered a devastating miscarriage. ruptured ectopic, massive internal bleeding, required emergency surgery etc. not only was that traumatic emotionally, but i wasn't eligible for healthcare at the time bc of my immigration status, so we're still paying off the medical bill.

we share a house with my mother in law who is a domineering, emotionally incestuous single mom and an emotionally abusive narcissist. i don't throw that term around lightly, as so many people do these days, but i honestly believe she's devoid of empathy. she's admitted that she dislikes me and thinks i'm stupid because i don't talk much, and goes out of her way to make me feel unwelcome.

so i'm stuck in an area that feels, to me, like the middle of nowhere. i'm not homesick, i love this country. it's just that i'm not used to suburbs. i feel most comfortable in a city where there's people and places and things, neon lights and background noise and stuff to do.

i'd would be happy to live anywhere as long as it's not with her. it honestly feels like a prison sometimes. that sounds dramatic but she's cultivating an unbelievably hostile environment that causes me to feel on edge whenever she's around.

needless to say we need to move, desperately. it's our #1 priority. more than anything else i want a place of our own and eventually a family. we've been actively househunting for the better part of a year, but the rental market is catastrophically bad right now. it's not even about the money, since we're both working we can afford a decent place. it's just that it's so competitive. every showing i've attended, there's been like 30 other prospective tenants. we've been turned down from every apartment we've applied for.

on top of our living situation i have complex health issues that are just getting worse. my energy is zapped. trying to balance work work and housework leaves me with almost no free time to write.

this barely scratches the surface of why I Am The Way That I Am™. i'm not saying any of this to evoke sympathy or brag about 'having it hard'. simply trying to explain. my upbringing was abusive and dysfunctional in a number of ways. i just barely graduated high school. i never had traditional opportunities, i was raised in a way where there's basically no assumption/expectation that you'll ever be successful or fulfilled. i'm diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD and bipolar 2 - haven't been able to get my proper meds in australia. i've been addicted to hard drugs and alcohol. i'm not pleasant to be around. i will probably always look like and act like the lower class, white trash girl that i am. i have spent my entire life in survival mode.

i'm always in the midst of some identity crisis or running away from something. so yeah, i've been hurt and downtrodden. i've also experienced the beautiful side of life from time to time. i've gained a breadth of knowledge and met incredible individuals who introduced me to new perspectives and i'm forever grateful for them. with the way i've lived, i'm very lucky to not be dead or incarcerated right now.

ok, pity party's over. for real this time.

you're pretty much describing exactly how i feel. you know the struggle. the part about waiting to live my life; that's precisely where i'm at. i don't necessarily have a desire to fit in, i just want to get away into somewhere that i can adjust better to.

my isolation is partially due to a lack of energy but also i don't seek out interaction because i'm afraid no one else can understand me. not because i believe i'm too 'complex' or 'damaged' to be understood. that's a load of self-pitying bullshit. it's just scary to be truly seen. or vulnerable. or genuine. bc the results of such openness are unpredictable and uncomfortable.

it's hard, but i know i have to find it within myself to take that push. what's holding me back right now is mainly my material conditions, circumstances out of my direct control. i have no doubt i'll feel at least 50% better when i stop living with this woman.

i certainly have no problem with starting over if something doesn't work for me. contrary to what i might've described, i believe i'm pretty well adjusted, self aware and rational. as is obvious i don't take many things that seriously lmao. i went from caring wayyy too much about everything, being overly emotional and sensitive, to going entirely with the flow and accepting what i can't control or predict.

also i am well aware that you can't change people, that's never been my goal lmao i've never needed someone to tell me that <3

tl;dr, thank you. so much. this really uplifted and inspired me meli, thank you so much for being so thoughtful and compassionate.

it sounds like you're also stuck between a rock and a hard place in your own environment, and i'm sorry to hear that. it's a wretched feeling but i believe you you will thrive no matter the setting, because in all seriousness, you're incredibly talented. i hope you know you should follow your dreams. hell, it looks like you already are and you're giving us the privilege of witnessing it. your art is stunning, the passion and care you put into your work is obvious. your matthew is absolutely beautiful - like his maman.

from a rabidly devoted france woobifier to the designated france hater, i'm only going to say this once but you are validated in your distaste. i understand. you gotta admit though, he is a MILF.

if one thing is certain i will never stop frussyposting. in fact right now i am thinking about france hetalia big fat juicy boobies mmmm milky squishy. i'm giving her a teensy tiny little slut waist and childbearing hips. i would give him a brazilian butt lift but he doesn't even need it!!!

if that is a crime then lock me up. please. strap on the handcuffs and throw me in the crate for naughty little freaks teeheehee >:3

be careful tho. if you keep sending me gay ass love letters like this they're gonna start shipping toxic yuri melianca even harder <3

[queenburd]

so in the hypothetical fic concept,,,, ok actually have a. small handful of questions maybe. (........alsoalso this is. always true but just gonna reiterate Preemptively,,,, "don't know" is alwaysalways a fair answer. this is more of a. blatantly fishing by tossing prompt-adjacent-things in your general direction sort of thing haha)

- is the amount of time the narrator has experienced getting other stanleys out the same amount of time his stanley has experienced in the outside??

- how do they each. react,, upon landing & realizing they've been split up??

- does the narrator ever have a hard time convincing a stanley to get to the escape pod with him??

- since both the narrator And stanley have to be present for it to work,, one can infer if a stanley was too suspicious or elsewise he would be. trapped. until that stanley could be convinced.

- has he ever been discovered by other narrators??

- ........what happens,, to the other narrators when their corresponding stanley is evacuated?? (are they left there indefinitely on their own, does their iteration of the parable simply collapse, a secret third thing,,)

points at you. you get me.

first) yes! it's approximately the same amount of time, though the narrator has no way to measure and doesnt know until, well. he gets out. that it's been that long. he just knows it's been a long time, and it's honestly something that frightens him. he is trying very VERY hard to make peace with the idea he's never going to see Stan again, because.... if they never see each other again, it doesn't have to hurt him if Stan's feelings for him change. If Stan decides he wants to be with somebody else.

(with this said, this fic HAS to take place in the future. I put myself in this hole. The TSPUD only came out last year but Stan's been out for four years and change??? dont. dont look too hard at that. okay? dont look at that. that ones on me.)

second) they uh. they both have some BAD reactions to learning the other is not with them. it might be "harder" on Stan if only because he's been thrust into a new world at the same time, on his own.

Stan starts living a life, afraid that his friend is gone, or maybe out in the world somewhere alone, or dead. he had no idea how to process it because he didnt KNOW what happened. but he just… had to try to move on. live as a person. he didnt have a choice.

for the narrator, he has to try to make sense of why he's in a Parable that... isn't HIS. when he finds the Stanley there that isnt his it hurts like a motherfucker, but he has other issues to deal with (like the fact this one is very clearly a victim of physical abuse) so he boxes that shit up, as he usually does, to focus on the problem at hand.

but after he gets into a system, it's not as easy to distract himself. sometimes he wakes up in the escape pod by himself after just ushering a new Stanley out, and he just stays there for a little bit to have a good cry.

3) ABSOLUTELY HE HAS A HARD TIME WITH SOME STANLEYS. These fuckers are STUBBORN. He's really used to it, and it can be frustrating, but he always manages somehow--mostly, he surprises them all.

even the angrier Stanleys that are less likely to trust him cant help being caught off guard by his concern, and his laughing at their sharp biting wit, or just how open he is with his expressions. that, plus the fact their narrators are still clearly around in opposition, means its not a "trick".

hes still himself, you know? but all that bitchiness and irritability is aimed at these alternate versions of himself instead of Stanley. he is so SICK of his own bullshit. GET OVER YOURSELF, MY GOD, no WONDER he hated my guts. you petulant CHILD.

and yeah that's really weird for the Stanleys. They kind of love it. it's hilarious.

3.5) since it's tangential with the above. yeah. he's had some serious bonding periods with some stanleys. that's why in the end he always manages to convince them. because they have nothing BUT time.

4) probably yes. there have been a few where he was genuinely stealthy enough to not get caught (though those narrators DEFINITELY noticed SOMETHING was awry, they tended to focus on where Stanley was in the Parable over things happening elsewhere in the map) and he always makes an effort in the beginning, mostly to get a feel for the situation. he's done this enough times to have an idea of where to start. BUT, he has a temper, and for the narrators that are actively more hostile, he has no qualms about showing his face and, quite frankly, kicking their arses.

because this may not be his SPECIFIC parable, but it's still the Parable, and he's still a Narrator. he can control this rat maze just as well as they can. possibly even better, since he's let Stan roam through every single door and played with every single hall. Hes not afraid of breaking script. most of them dont know how to react to it.

5) he doesn't know what happens to them. he assumes they get left on their own. he doesn't care. as far as he's concerned, they dont deserve to have a protagonist at all, and they can rot by themselves for eternity.

I dont know what happens to them either. Ive thought about it but cant come to any conclusions. though Ive wondered if theres a way for these fellows to find each other. Im sure theyve got a bit of a grudge...

[dragonandtiger]

Dreaming To Reality: Oneiromancy Chapter Twenty Seven - 14

The conglomeration started speaking all at once again, but Zeed tuned out their panicked chatter. He focused instead on Noir, who appeared the most calm and sane of them all. He smirked a little. “I must admit, I never would have expected any of you to use a human in such a manner, what with your usual hunger to have all living things join you. You only took a small piece of him, just enough to bind yourselves to him, all without him even noticing. You even changed how your touch affects him to insert a piece of yourself into him in exchange.”

Zeed paused, cocking his head slightly in the direction Wallace retreated before looking back at Noir. “You, specifically, I believe? I wonder what you did to convince the others to let you be the one ‘in charge.’ Is it because you actually feel something for that boy besides hatred?”

Noir felt the eyes of the others bearing down on him now, their hissing whispers and snarls resounding through his body. He remained stiff, not daring to look away from Zeed to gaze at any of them. “In case you didn’t notice, I’m the only one with a cute face. Wallace never would have trusted any of their disgusting mugs.”

“Ah yes, of course,” Zeed said before wiggling his claws. “An appealing form certainly does wonders, doesn’t it?”

Noir’s mouth tightened into a straight line as he clenched his jaw.

Zeed stretched out leisurely, his whole body getting into the motion from claw-tips to tail. “Well, I suppose I should commend you for making it this far. You’ve exceeded my expectations for you, and figured out an interesting little use for the power I allowed you to borrow for your grand performance. To think, using my power to create a human anchor in this world to escape that wretched hellscape! How positively quaint!” He paused to chuckle. “I really did outdo myself with your creation, didn’t I?

“What do you want?” Noir asked, his voice low, dangerous. “You’re not just telling us this for fun.”

“Of course not,” Zeed chuckled. “I’m telling you so that you can marvel at my own magnificence as much as I am~! You should feel grateful that you, of all of the lost souls trapped in the Dark Ocean, have this opportunity, all thanks to me.”

Noir’s expression deadpanned as his ears canted back.

“Well, if you’re going to be like that, I suppose I can be a bit less subtle and more on to the point,” Zeed drawled. He then leaned forward, his eyes taking on a sharp glint. “I am not interested in interfering with you and your little game of pretend. Your agenda with the boy is of no concern to me. That includes whatever interests you have with the Chosen Children. Their obliviousness to the unaccounted numbers among their own is not my concern.”

[princessmyriad]

Seeing a lot of shaving hate posts lately. Like not even posts thats like 'oh you can shave if you want to! Heres how to safely but theres no pressure to do it if you dont want to societys rules are fake do what makes you happy!'

Its like. Mostly ladies and femininely aligned people expressing what i hope is exaggerated but seemingly genuine sadness and anger at people who do shave, also usually towards other femininely aligned people. Like theyve personally suffered some great and tragic loss because a hot babe chose to shave her own legs for her own reasons and its the worst thing to ever happen to them personally and on a global level.

Idk it makes me angry. I shave my legs. (And my pits and my bits too) I dont do it for the fucken patriarchy i dont do it for the vine i dont do it for some made up beauty standard, i do it because i like the feeling. It feels nice to me to shave as part of my shower routine then get out and cover myself in my favourite moisturiser and then roll around in cozy soft pajamas. Thats one of lifes little luxuries and yall can bet a depressed bitch holds on to the tiniest of luxuries whenever she can. If men didnt exist, if the patriarchy didnt exist and i lived in a world of only lesbian ladies i would still fucken shave! If i lived as the only person on the planet id still shave! Because i do it for myself because i enjoy it!

I understand how harmful forcing women to shave to fit an ever changing and unobtainable beauty standard is. I understand how deeply that experience is trained into girls from a young age and i do have many, many problems with the way society is run and the negative self worth effects it often has on younger people who are just figuring out themselves. But yall please stop with the straight up hate and vitriol for people who do chose to shave their own legs. You yell so hard for bodily autonomy then you chuck a hissy fit when a lady choses for her own body to shave it because its not what you would have done, or you think shes trapped in a beauty bubble of mans making. You cant possibly conceive that an adult woman can make her own choices if those choices are too close to the idea of the patriarchy you hold in your mind.

But thats bullshit. The act of shaving isnt the enemy and the lady who shaves herself and minds her own business isnt either. If shes not giving you disgusted looks at your own body hair or pushing her shaving agenda on you, let her live her fucking life maybe without shaming her for something that makes her feels good.

[mm-words]

i looked in the mirror the other day and i really focused in on the fact that I’m transitioning. and what a perfect word to describe this process. A transition. I never would’ve thought my third year of transitioning would be me picking apart my social transition. I think now more than ever I’ve felt in between. Like i don’t really belong on either side. Im not hyper feminine so i don’t always feel in place with the ladies. And I’m definitely not hyper masculine so i don’t feel in place with men (i’d prefer not to be actually). It’s like - things that normally wouldn’t have been a problem, are now a bit more aggressive I guess?? I feel, the more I physically change, the more my inflections show. Or the more my attitude shows. Three years ago me breaking into conversation wouldn’t have come off so aggressive, but now it’s a little overbearing. Or raising my tone mid sentence catches people off guard. Sometimes i just say simple statements and they sound dry when I’m really just speaking. The difference a deeper voice and facial hair can make. My 23 years of living as a woman is a part of who i am. It’s what makes me, me. It’s what makes my experience so special and so interesting. The wisdom and gentleness I received from being born a woman is something that never leaves me. The essence of femininity is still something i feel very deeply and I connect with.

The way my brain processes general information and feelings now … is honestly terrible. But I’ll only blame about 40% of that on the hormones. There’s nothing worse than still feeling all the same emotions as before but not being able to constructively release that. I cant write like i used to. I can make art like i used to. I try to take pictures all the time but it just doesn’t feel the same right now. Work takes up so much of my time. I barely have time to think. Taking care of myself has become another chore now bc i don’t have time to focus on anything else. I feel so lacking in my feelings and my emotions. Lacking in my romanticism and my expressions. And that really fucking sucks bc a lot of the time, I’m actually way more emotional than i was before transitioning. I know who i am, i just forgot for a while.

To just feel so trapped by society from different angles is …… a lot. being targeted by society for being trans, for simply existing. Being worked to death for the sake of masculinity and corny ass grind culture. There’s nothing i hate more than working. It’s so exhausting. It’s literally sucking the life and joy out of me. My free time isn’t even mine. There’s nothing harder than doing physical labor all day and then coming home to clean or cook - basic things just to survive. It’s so tiring just to fold clothes and sweep. My fucking bed has been sitting at my mothers house since christmas and it’s always the absolute LAST thing on my mind. Half the time it’s like my mind isn’t even mine. It’s so disconnected. I can’t remember anything. And it’s very frustrating. And it’s frustrating when everyone else is frustrated bc you forgot. I have so many things to keep up with, so many things to do, there’s always something to be paid for, there’s always something that needs to be fixed. There’s always something that I’m responsible for. In a way, i feel kinda responsible for the house now. Bc of my masculinity. But I genuinely….. have no idea wtf im doing. I never got to learn the masc fixer upper bullshit when i was younger. Im learning as i go.

[lacroixqueen]

arcane academia (chapter 2/?) cait x vi college AU, 18+

Summary: vi and ekko go to jayce's frat house party lmao. vi bumps into her newfound crush, drama and chaos ensue yada yada yada

Word Count: 2176

Pairing: caitlyn x vi, vi & ekko (platonic)

Ao3 Link

Tags: college AU, university AU, house party, useless lesbians, wlw, fluff, slow burn, love at first sight

Warnings: brief mentions of dubious/noncon!

Author's Note: this chapter took me FOREVER to write and im so so sorry. i've just been having major writer's block again. med school has been insane, just exam after exam after exam and i cant catch a break. also im going to like 3 concerts this week so i probs wont have that much time to write. but anyways, pls enjoy this update.

Vi shuffled begrudgingly after Ekko as he led her down the brickstone path to what he claimed to be was “the biggest party of the year”. Vi was never a big partier, even back in Zaun. Now, don’t get her wrong, she was an alcoholic to be sure, and would have been more than content hitting up a bar or a club and drinking the night away.

But some schmoozy house party sounded like, and in her words, a “lame rich kids thing”. To which Ekko responded that she should loosen up and be a bit more open-minded.

Vi shoved her hands into her red jacket’s pockets. Shit. Why was it so goddamn chilly tonight? Out of all the days of the week to throw a party, it had to be the coldest night ever. The only reason she agreed to come to begin with was the free booze.

Ekko eventually approached a sizable frat house that looked like it was about to combust with all of the epilepsy-inducing strobe lights and obnoxiously loud trap music it emitted. He strode up onto the porch and knocked the door with a feigned air of confidence.

Some beefy, clearly irritated fraternity brother answered the door. He had neat, slicked back dark hair and some stubble. And probably the grumpiest expression Vi has seen since she stepped foot onto PiltU.

“Jayce! My brother!” Ekko gave him a warm, half-hug to which the other man barely reciprocated.

“Do I uh, know you?” he asked sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. He appeared to be slightly inebriated, which was understandable given the circumstances.

“Aw, come on dude!” Ekko was trying really hard to play the buddy-buddy thing. “We sit next to each other, remember? In Engineering 301. We also did a group project together last semester.”

Meanwhile, Vi was absolutely freezing. She rubbed her hands over her arms, looking up expectantly at the conversation, praying for this buffoon to just let them inside.

“I mean…” Jayce took a swig from the beer he had in his hand. “I guess?”

“You are the best, my dude!” Ekko gave him an enthusiastic fist-bump, grabbing Vi by the hand and leading her inside. “I owe you one, man!”

Jayce nodded slightly, lifting up his beer to give him a lukewarm cheer. The pair eventually found themselves loitering awkwardly around the jungle juice table.

“Ekko, don’t leave me by myself,” Vi hissed through gritted teeth, visibly annoyed as Ekko winked over at a group of cheerleaders who just walked past them. “I literally don’t know anyone here.”

“Violet, my girl!” Ekko gave her a reassuring pat on the back. “You need to relax. Take a shot. Hell, take three shots. We are here to mix and mingle. Besides, I can’t have you attached to my hip this entire time.”

“Ekko, I swear to God. Don’t ever call me that again,” Vi rolled her eyes as she poured herself a shot of tequila, sending it down the hatch without a second thought.

“There we go, see? Now you’re getting the hang of it!” her roommate encouraged. “And hey, if it makes you feel any better, no one here is paying attention to you. Everyone is drunk out of their damn minds. They will forget you even existed the next morning.”

Ekko fixed himself a mixed drink before patting Vi on the shoulder. “Good luck out there, soldier. Report back to me in the dorm at 5 AM sharp. That’s your curfew.”

“Ha ha, very funny,” Vi groaned, pushing him away. “Just get outta here, I don’t even wanna look at you.”

“I’m telling you Vi,” Ekko laughed while shaking his head. “Just be yourself! Meet someone new! You’ll be fine.”

“Don’t count on it,” she called back over her shoulder as she walked deeper into the party, making sure to grab a beer off a nearby table.

Shit. Now she really was left to her own devices. Not that Ekko could give a fuck. He was here to, in his words, “talk up some hot babes and maybe go home with someone, who knows”. So, there you have it.

The back den looked like the main area where people were chatting and drinking. The music still blared painfully loudly through the speakers. Vi looked around the crowded room, with low but still existent expectants that she would spot a familiar face. But to no avail.

Until she felt a tiny jab poke the back of her shoulder. She whirled around, and to her surprise, it was that girl she met at the gym the other day.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Caitlyn greeted, a small smile wrinkling the corners of her eyes.

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. She looked kind of good. Really good, actually. The student council president donned a purple strappy dress and matching heels. And a silk black choker tied around her neck. Vi tried to avoid running her eyes up and down those perfect legs and sultry hips. She took a moment to look the other direction and clear her throat, taking a sip from her beer to collect herself.

“Since when did little miss goody two shoes party?” Vi said with a goofy smirk on her face.

“Since whenever the hell I wanted,” Cait shot back confidently, grabbing the beer from her hand and taking a sip. “Why, what did you think I did on the weekends?”

Holy shit. Either it was the alcohol talking or this girl was really willing to test Vi’s limits.

“I don’t know? Read books? Take notes on the gymnasium rental guidelines?”

“Hilarious,” Caitlyn nudged her shoulder playfully, and handed back her beer.

“I’m just playing around,” Vi replied. “You just caught me off guard, that’s all.”

“Well, this won’t be the first, then,” Cait countered. “Cheers, by the way.” She raised a cocktail glass she had in the other hand.

“To?” Vi raised an eyebrow out of curiosity.

“To… you transferring here to PiltU. And to two girls who just so happen to be at the same party in the same frat house on this random weekday night.”

“Cheers,” Vi said, clinking her beer against Cait’s drink, and taking another generous swig. Her head started to feel slightly hazy from all the alcohol, but she quickly shook it off. “I’m.. sorry by the way. I was kind of a dick to you the first day we met.”

“Oh, that?” Cait chuckled. “Don’t even worry about it. I figured you were probably just stressed out or something.”

“Okay, thanks,” Vi smiled to herself. Huh. So she had a heart after all. “So what the hell are you doing in this shithole anyway?”

Cait nodded her head over to a group of girls who Vi remembered being part of her dance team fooling around in the center of the room. “I’m sort of on babysitting duty tonight.”

“Sounds like such a fun time,” Vi teased sarcastically. “They make you do this?”

“Oh, no no..” Cait denied quickly. “I sort of.. make myself do this, I guess.”

There was a slight pause. The boxer didn’t really know what to say. Shit. The tone took a bit of a sour turn all of a sudden and she wasn’t really sure how to come back from it.

“You don’t have to.. you know that right?” Vi suddenly interjected into the deafening silence.

“Yeah..” she replied wanly.

Vi cleared her throat, feeling the awkwardness beginning to swell and leak over the sides of her beer bottle.

“I should uh, go find my friend,” she said quickly. “He’s probably fooling around somewhere and I don’t want him to get in trouble.”

“Yeah, you should go do that,” Caitlyn nodded. “You know where to find me.”

Vi gave her another halfhearted smile, before disappearing back into the milieu of the party.

Damnit. Why did it have to get so weird at the end? She was doing so well too at the beginning, carrying the conversation, making her flirtatious nature known and then bam it all went to shit the moment she tried to push a little deeper. Oh well. It’s not like she expected anything different. Now where the hell is Ekko?

She eventually found him fooling around with some girl on the cheer squad in the back of a broom closet somewhere.

“Ugh, really dude?” she said after slamming the door back closed.

“Vi!” Ekko called after his roommate while pushing the other girl off. “Wait up!”

He eventually caught up with her as she leafed through the crowd.

“Hey! Is everything alright? I’m sorry I ditched you back there, I just needed to uh, get something done..” Ekko blurted out quickly, trying to keep up with her pace.

“It’s fine, I’m fine..” Vi sighed, finally stopping and leaning up against a wall. “I just… finished talking with Caitlyn that’s all.”

“Oh yeah?” Ekko’s tone immediately took a teasing turn. “How did it go?”

“It was good, and then it turned out not so good,” Vi said, pinching the bridge of her nose while shaking her head in disappointment. “I don’t really wanna talk about it. Whatever, I wasn’t expecting anything anyways.”

“Do you wanna go home, Vi?” her roommate took her by the hand and gestured toward the door. “We can totally leave. I really don’t care that much.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” she replied. “You are having fun, and I don’t want to ruin this for you. Besides, I-”

Their conversation was quickly cut short by some rowdy commotion coming from the living room.

The pair hurried into the main area to assess the situation.

“Jayce, get off of me!” Cait cried, trying to peel away from the clearly very inebriated and handsy jock. He was clutching her a bit too close against his body for comfort.

“Come on Cait..” he slurred in a drunken stupor. “You know I’ve been wanting to do this since the tailgate.. Just make this easy for me now, why don’t you?”

Some sort of unspecified rage completely took over Vi’s body the moment she saw Jayce’s beginning to reach between her legs to feel under her dress. Before she even realized what she was doing, she found herself sucker punching Jayce square in the jaw. It was like a force took control over her and she didn’t have any say in what her fists were doing.

“Vi, no!” She could hear Ekko’s voice ringing out in the background, but somehow, she didn’t listen. Punch after punch was thrown against Jayce’s face until he started bleeding profusely from his nose.

“What the fuck?” he cried, immediately letting go of Caitlyn to wipe his bloodied face. His eyes shifted over to Vi. “Who the hell are you?”

“Vi, come on,” Ekko hissed, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her towards the hallway. “Just leave it, it’s not worth it.”

She ignored him, of course, and proceeded to take Cait by the hand and lead her out of the party.

“I’m Vi, by the way,” she called over her shoulder. “I’m from the undercity.”

Cait followed her out the entrance without another word, allowing the door to slam behind them. They walked down the path back towards the dorms without speaking for a few minutes. Vi decided to break the silence midway through.

“Are you okay?” she asked softly, still holding onto her hand.

Cait still wasn’t saying anything, so Vi leaned over and carefully brushed her hair out of her face. Her face was glistening under the moonlight, and it was clear she had been crying.

“Do you want me to take you home?”

The dancer nodded, a small teardrop streaming down her cheek. She folded her arms across her chest to keep warm. Shit. It was a pretty damn cold night. Vi shrugged off her bomber jacket and draped it gently over Cait’s shoulders.

“Here, take this,” she said.

“Thanks, Vi,” Caitlyn smiled, wrapping the jacket over herself. Her blue eyes were still sparkling beneath the dim glow of the streetlight.

The two didn’t exchange many words on the walk home. Vi could tell she wasn’t really in the talking mood, and given the circumstances, forcing small talk would have been unwise.

“Um.. this is me,” Cait finally said as the pair approached an ivy-covered, brickstone building.

“Oh, uh, okay,” Vi replied, quickly shoving her hands into her jean pockets to warm up.

“Thanks, by the way..” the dancer whispered. “I have no idea what I would have done if you weren’t there..”

“Don’t mention it,” Vi said, trying her hardest to avoid eye contact. God, why was she being so weird. “It was nothing, really.”

“Okay,” Cait tried to hide her smile as she handed back her jacket. Without warning, she gave her a quick peck on the cheek before running back to her dorm. “I’ll.. see you around school I guess?”

“S-see ya,” Vi stuttered, blushing furiously as she stuck up her hand to give an awkward little wave.

Cait waved back before gently closing her door behind her.

Goddamnit. What the hell was that?

[bangtangalicious]

the glow up | pjm (3)

pairing: jimin x reader

summary: after going off to college, you & your best friend committed to working out. a year later, the results show, and you cant wait for your hot hometown friends to see you. now all you wanna do is wild out and have lots of sex, and enjoy it without feeling insecure

genre: smut, childhoodfriends!au weightloss!au (is that a thing) friends-to-lovers!au

word count: 1.7k

warnings: dry humping, sleep sex/wet dream, feverishly rough sex, choking, technically dubcon but she was genuinely fine with it, slut shaming, cheating (?), basically jimin fucks you hard but he thinks he’s dreaming, creampie, unprotected sex

part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7                                                  masterlist

You woke up, the events of the morning seemingly like a world away. You became conscious suddenly to a warm presence snuggled up behind you. Jimin and you had talked for a while before returning to the party. You stayed back late helping him clean up until you both passed out from exhaustion.

The tension had been uncomfortable. Jimin decided not to bring up Taehyung’s outburst, and you too avoided the topic entirely. It was too confusing.

Jimin’s arms were wrapped around your hips tightly, his fingers gently stroking your stomach. He was totally knocked out, you could tell by the way he whimpered slightly when you tried to move. You sighed, trapped by him completely. You tried to wiggle your way out but as you shook your hips you felt something graze against your ass.

He was hard. Really hard.

Your eyes widened, unsure of what to do. It wasn’t his fault, you knew morning wood was a thing, and seeing how pressed up the two of you were, it was bound to happen. You tried to move again, but it only caused him to press even more into your soft flesh. A shaky breath left his lips at the contact. His hands loosened and slowly began sliding down your bikini bottom. You gasped.

“Jimin what are you doing” You hissed. No response was heard, all you felt was Jimin’s cock desperately prying for freedom from his trunks, now against your bare ass. He slowly rolled his hips, humming in pleasure. “Jimin. JIMIN.” He was still asleep, you realized.

You could move, but you knew if you moved now he would wake up, and then he would ask what happened. And you really didn’t want to have to deal with that. Or maybe. You liked the feeling.

You wondered what Jimin must be thinking about. Was it you he was fucking in his dreams? He had denied you earlier. Your heart dropped as you recalled his cruel comment about Taehyung having came in you, and that grossing him out so much he refused to have sex with you.

As you were lost in your thoughts, you didn’t realize the way Jimin’s hands had found your breasts, pulling you back into him with all his strength. You moaned in surprise. The feeling of his hands, slightly dry from the day in the pool but so large, covering the entirety of your breast and clutching it as if he was holding on for dear life.

You could feel his heart pounding against you. You wiggled your ass against him, seeing if he would react. He let out a high pitched whine, which cause goosebumps to spread across you. He sounded hot. You felt yourself getting wetter.

Apparently so did Jimin, because his hips bucked into you, his bulge dancing past your entrance in a quick thrust. You squealed at the sensation. The fact that he was acting involuntarily, following nothing but instinct, turned you on beyond reason. You felt him exhale heavily, his hot breath tickling the nape of your neck. He bucked his hips again, harsher this time, whining incessantly.

You could feel how bad his cock wanted to tear through the fabric and feel you. He thrust again. Then again. Harder. And harder. His hands clutching your breasts more aggressively each time. You couldn’t help but scream. It felt so good. He was like a dog just humping you so aggressively in heat. You felt animalistic and you loved it. You pushed back into him more, spreading your legs so he could rut right where you craved him.

His pace quickened. If anyone had walked into the room at that moment, they would see Jimin, eyes shut and lips parted, humping into your ass like there was no tomorrow, and you, pretty much naked, a moaning mess with your eyes rolling back in bliss.

“Jimin” You exhaled, turning your head as much as you could to try to see him. “Fuck, Jimin baby you feel so good”

His face was blushed pink, sweat forming at his forehead. He groaned as you spread your legs even more, allowing your wetness to seep through the fabric of his shorts. He let out a low growl.

Suddenly his eyes flew open, but he didn't stop. He was completely gone, you could see it in his expression. He his were lustful, almost frightening. He met your eyes briefly, not even comprehending who you were or what was happening before he flipped you over and yanked down his trunks. He grabbed your neck with both of his hands as he shoved his cock inside of you without any warning. You screamed out, not expecting the large girth. You were luckily wet enough for him to get inside you without too much resistence, but the speed had you crying out.

“Jimin—“ You tried to choke out but Jimin’s grip on you tightened. He fucked himself into you harshly, groaning at the way your pussy clenched down on him. He lowered himself so his chest was flush against your back as he continued to roll his hips into you. He grazed his teeth across your jaw before sucking it harshly. “Holy fuck” You muttered under your breath.

His pace picked up relentlessly, as if it were even possible for him to fuck you faster. Each thrust was practically splitting you opn. You tried to spread wider but you physically couldn’t. You were ruined under him, and you loved it. You felt yourself teasing your own edge with his cock hitting you in all the right ways. You cried out, nodding your head like an idiot, knowing full well that Jimin did not know nor care what you were doing.

You came like an avalanche, your body twitched and writhed under Jimin. You felt like you were going to lose your voice with how loud you were screaming as his pistoling cock did not give you a second to breathe. You gushed against him, your slick cum making his thrusts even easier. Before you knew it you felt him shoot hot com through you as he let out a loud moan. He buried himself as far into you as he could, pushing your face up against the headboard as his hands practically stopped your breathing. You felt dizzy, but so so good. He recoiled, laying down on top of you then, the full weight of him crushing you.

“Jimin!” You shouted as your ribs felt weak under the pressure. He blinked a few times before he suddenly jumped off of you.

“Oh my god” He whispered, looking at you, with his cum messily dripping down your legs and on your ass. You turned slowly, the soreness beginning to catch up with you. “What the fuck happened”

You exhaled, laughing slightly, “You tell me”

He shook his head frantically, worry filling his eyes, “Oh my god y/n…fuck…no. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do this. I had no idea I…” His face reddened, “I thought I was dreaming”

You giggled, curling your finger and motioning him towards you. He obeyed, crawling into your embrace. He held you like you were a delicate piece of glass that he almost shattered.

“I know. You were wild”

“I didn’t fuck” His frustration was evident as you stroked his back calmly, “I didn’t want our first time to be like this”

“Yeah I mean, being conscious is definitely better” You joked. Jimin shook his head.

“I can’t believe my dick has just been where Taehyung’s has. EW” He shuddered, looking at you in horror. Your face dropped.

“W…what? That’s still your issue?”

Jimin sighed, stroking your hair, “Would you wanna suck my dick if I had it stuffed in someone else’s vagina the day before?”

You shrugged. You guessed you understood his perspective, but that didn’t make his words hurt less. Jimin kissed your cheek.

“Please don’t take it the wrong way baby. It was so good. You felt so good. And I want you so bad. But it’s…too soon. I still just can’t believe you’d just let someone so random touch you like that.”

You nodded, wanting to put the discussion to rest before you bit his head off in retaliation. You reached over for your phone, seeing a few missed messages.

tae: im so sorry princess

You chuckled, raising your eyebrows. Taehyung was the last person who needed to apologize here. You glanced at Jimin, who was also on his own phone, hand caressing your thigh absentmindedly.

y/n: don’t be sorry omg. wanna hang?

“Do you wanna grab lunch?” Jimin asked softly, without looking up, “There’s a new taco place that opened up near here. I know you love Mexican so”

Your heart clenched.

tae: yeah i can pick you up. u still at jimin’s?

“Jimin” Your voice wavered. You had never been so conflicted in your life. Jimin was amazing, you adored him. He knew you better than anyone else and was so so sweet. But somehow this whole sex thing was making you question your willingness to redefine your relationship into something more. You weren’t sure if it was because of how amazing it felt to fuck Taehyung, or because Jimin was being an unapologetic little bitch about your promiscuity. “I think I need some space”

y/n: yeah, sounds good. b out in a few

He turned quickly, his eyes sad. You hated that you even had to have this conversation at all, “I just need some time to myself to figure stuff out. I’m not leaving you, I’ll come back. I’m just not sure if I wanna jump into this right now”

His eyes darkened and he pursed his lips. “Oh, okay” He faked a smile and kissed your nose again, lingering. “Just text me okay. Whenever. Whenever you’re done…doing what you need to do” You nodded. You got dressed and Jimin gave you some clothes. As you walked out the door his grabbed your wrist lightly.

“Y/n” His eyes were watery, “I’m still here for you okay. Please…” He inhaled sharply, “Don’t leave me”

You gave him a small smile, “I won’t Jimin”

“Promise?”

You swallowed your guilt and nodded. You walked out to the street and looked at your phone.

tae: i’m down the curb. same car.

You grinned, turned and waved one last time to Jimin, before walking away, your fingers excitedly tapping your phone.

<-----previous                                                                               next----->

A/N: ~sips water~ 

taglist: (lmk if you wanna be added!!) @honeyspillings @hollowtree10

[suaudisruption]

UPDATE: [Explanation + Revamp ]

(i do express some feelings in here that might be a bit of a downer, so if you dont want to read through that, i recommend skipping to the last three paragraphs <3 )

yeesh- hey yall i know its been- definitely a good while since ive posted anything on here, besides things that went down a couple months ago. and first, i want to apologize for not fufilling my goals to get this story out. its been- a very rough year to say the least, a lot of bad things and changes, some good- but its taken its toll on me pretty bad.

i havent forgotten about this story, though. i think about it all the time, i think about disrupt and artifact all the time, and i want to share their story with yall so so bad, but- im stuck in a place where i feel like its?? too late lol??? and i know its not but- i guess it got increasingly difficult over time to actually post things because i wanted to make sure everything was planned out perfectly, that i had a good story to tell and i wouldnt let people down- but the more i kept nitpicking, the more worried i got to even post anything in the first place. and thats something i still really need to work on, tbh.

motivation was another issue in itself- its very hard for me to stay on one thing for too long, especially if it requires a lot of attention- and my struggle this year with mental health made that even worse lol. so while i so desperately wanted to make content- i felt trapped and unable to actually do so.

but i say this all with a reason- and thats because i think im going to revamp this page and give it. give this story one more shot. its not even fully about letting yall down, its also- i dont want to keep this story inside me and never get the chance to tell it, you know..? and i- know the process will take awhile and my organization might be messy, etc- but atleast im telling it in some way- besides lol, i kind of need to tell this story to help heal myself too. i cant leave this abandoned, because its such a big part of me and i- yeah.

ill form a more coherent post when i finish revamping this page a bit, but- to those who are willing and wanting to stick around for how ever long it takes for me to complete my unorganized messy storytelling lol- i truly appreciate you all. it means a lot.

and with all that, off i go to edit some things! please make sure to hydrate and eat something if you can, today <3 your health is always important, mentally and physically <3 <3

[xlovla]

s/o who is chubby

Summary: the main three 1a boys reacting to their s/o being insecure about her weight.

Pairing: todoroki, bakugou, midoriya

Warnings: swearing, insecurity, angst kinda ??

A/n: i wrote this because i know lots of people are insecure about their weight (including me) and sometimes we just need to be reminded that looks dont define you. So here are the boys coming to the rescue like true heros :)

Shoto Todoroki

-he notices you are upset almost immediately.

-so he goes up to you trying to make you feel better by cupping your face in his hands and asking what is wrong over and over until you finally give in and tell him that you want to lose weight.

-he steps back and just stares at you for a good minute or two.

-then he kneels back down to your level and asks “why?” in the most monotone voice imaginable.

-“well i look around at other girls and notice how pretty they are with their slim waists, big hips, boobs, and butts. then i look at myself and i just dont think i fit in with all of all the beautiful girls..” you answer him now looking down at the ground trying to avoid eye contact.

-he keeps quiet trying to comprehend what you just said.

-Todoroki has a lot of insecurities but he never stops to think about how you feel about your body because in his eyes it looks beautiful so why would such a beautiful girl be worried about something like looks?

-after a few more minutes of silence he leans in and presses his lips to yours. Since that is how he expresses his feelings and his love language is touch he didn’t know what else to do.

-your boyfriend pulls away from you only to say “baby, you look perfect i dont ever want you to change.”

- when you finally look up at him he sees tears in your eyes and a slight smile on your face as you say you love him.

Katsuki Bakugou

-it takes him a minute to notice you are upset, at first he just thinks you are being your usual strange self but once catches a glimpse at your face he knows somethings up.

- “hey dumbass.” He calls out causing you to turn and face him.

- “hm?” You hum in response.

- “don’t act stupid. what’s wrong? you know you cant hide shit from me so why try?” he states sternly. you love it when he points out how close the two of you are.

-you deny that anything is wrong about a million times until he gets annoyed

-out of frustration he grabs your waist with his left hand to turn you and pushes you against a wall aggressively and puts his right hand up against that same wall to prevent you from moving in an attempt to keep you from leaving his grasp.

-you squirm trying to break free but even you know its no use, he has you trapped.

- he takes his hand off your waist once you stop moving and brings it up to your face. He uses his middle and ring finger to lift your chin up to face him while his index finger is resting on your cheek firmly.

- “ill only ask you this one more damn time so you best tell me the truth.” He continues “what the hell is up with you?!” He raises his voice a bit but makes sure it’s not too loud, careful not to hurt your ears.

- you look away from him while you say “i- i just went to the mall earlier today and saw all the beautiful people. The muscular men, skinny girls..”

- he raises one of his eyebrows at your confession.

- “and then i looked over and saw my reflection in a store window. And i felt like i didnt deserve to be among all these beautiful people..” You look up at him, your face is soft and has a sad feature to it, which he hates.

- “and? who the fuck cares about what everyone else looks like?” His eyebrows knited together.

- you sighed but were cut off by him placing a soft kiss onto your lips.

Izuku Midoriya

-when he first sees you he KNOWS your sad so he runs up behind your and yells “BOO” as an attempt to scare you.

-it doesn’t work.

-you just let out a small chuckle and continue doing what your doing he frowns and thinks to himself “she is obviously upset but why? Was it something i did or something someone else did? Is she on her menstral cycle? I want to ask but-“ his thoughts were interrupted by you kissing his cheek sweetly.

- “I’m going to bed now, goodnight izuku i love you” you say with a pathetic fake smile on your face.

-you turn around and start to walk away but he grabs your wrist and pulls you back into him as a form of giving you an awkward hug (obviously not hard because that baby would not hurt you the tiniest bit.)

- “what’s wrong baby?” He asks you with the BIGGEST puppy eyes.

-as soon as the two of you make eye contact you instantly regret it and look away.

- “you’ll think its stupid..” you say with tears forming in your eyes remembering all the dark, bad thoughts that when through your head earlier.

-he lets go of you only for a second just to grab you again and pull you into a comfortable hug this time.

- one of his hands is wrapped around your body while the other is cupping the back of your head firmly holding it as close to his chest as possible.

- “c’monnn, please tell me..” you can hear the desperation in his tone.

- “fine..” you inhale and hug him back. You wrap your arms around his mascular body as he did to your delicate one.

- “i went to the mall earlier today to pick up some groceries.. you know that but-“ you stop yourself and make a fist onto his back grabbing his shirt as a way to calm yourself down and stop yourself from crying again.

- “on my way out I couldn’t help but notice all the beautiful girls around me.. they were all so skinny with tiny waists, big hips, butts, and boobs.. then i looked over and saw my reflection in a store window and..” here come the tears, “i- i ran ran to the bathroom.. because I couldnt bear looking at all of-“ you had to pause in between your words to breathe and you were stuttering bad too because you were crying into his chest. “The people when i looked so.. so bad...”

- listening to you talk about yourself like this broke your boyfriends heart.

- how could such a beautiful person be this upset with their looks? He wouldn’t allow it.

- he slid his hand from your head down to your hips and pulled you away then got into your face and said “no. Stop..” at this point he was crying aswell. “You are beautiful baby.. and all those people you saw? Dont pay attention to them they dont matter. For now just focus on me, okay?” You nodded

[belovedbangtan]

Alone Together | Christian Yu

Pairing: Christian Yu x Reader

Word Count: 3.2K

Warnings: Language, drinking, protected sex, dom!christian, sub!reader.

Description: Its not very often you see guys that look like him in your small town. When he expresses his interest in you, things get hot and heavy quick. Is it just a one night stand, or something more?

I fidgeted with the empty shot glass in front of me, as I swiveled from left to right on my bar stool. I let out a sigh that was a bit too over dramatic. The bartender shot me a concerned look, before pouring me another one. I lifted the shot of tequila to my lips feeling it sink down my throat burning in such a unique way. I slam the glass down wincing as I put the lime in my mouth biting it between my teeth and keeping it there for a moment. The sound of the bells on the door ring and quickly pull me out of my daze. I look towards the door to see a group of guys walk in. They were all dressed way too nice to be from here. They must have been visiting. As I was analyzing the men walking through the door, one caught my eye specifically. He had tattoo’s for days, littering his arms and chest. His hair dark and wavy, bouncing as he walked. His eyes were the prettiest brown I’ve ever seen, and his smile was killer.

Before I could catch myself gawking at him, he caught me. He raised his eyebrows with a head nod. I smile and instantly wanted to punch myself realizing the lime peel was still in my mouth. This guy thinks I’m a lunatic. Tony, the bartender, walks over to the table asking what they wanted, not bothering to I.D them since they all look of age. I rolled my eyes, in a bar this small it was bound to happen. I watch Tony begin making the drinks. I sit up a little taller and I swivel my chair to the right making it easier to steal glances at the table. My eyes wander to the tattooed Adonis and his eyes are looking right back at me, a smirk gracing his lips. I quickly look away, biting my lip. The bartender walks the drinks over to the table and I hear a quick conversation happen then he goes back to making a drink. A rum and coke… what I drink. Then I watch as he walks it over and slides it in front of me. I look at him confused.

“Tony, I really don’t need free drinks, I can pay,” I insist, grabbing my wallet. I came in pretty frequently since I lived two buildings down. He took care of me way too often.

“It’s already taken care of,” Tony winks at me and points to the table of men behind me.

I nod my head slowly turning my stool to see the table. I look up and the brown haired boy is smirking at me raising his drink in the air. His friend next to him elbowing him and saying something that made him blush. I smiled and mouthed thank you, before turning my stool and sipping from my new drink. I started to talk to Tony, he eventually asked if I wanted another tequila shot. I smiled and nodded gratefully. Just as I was about to take my shot, his tattooed arm appears next to me.

“Can I have one, too, please?” He asks Tony. Just when you think he cant possibly get any more attractive, his Australian accent punches you in the gut.

I smile up at him. “Put it on my tab Tony,” I say licking my hand and pouring salt onto the wet spot.

“Pretty girls shouldn’t have to pay for their drinks,” He says holding out his hand for me to shake.

“Christian, you can call me Ian though,” His huge tattooed hand enveloping my own.  

“Well this pretty girl, doesn’t like that rule,” I say winking at him, before clinking his shot glass to your own and shooting it back.

I suck the lime and I put the peel into the glass.

“You should have kept it in your mouth, that was a really good look for you,” He says sarcastically.

I laugh at him, instantly blushing but impressed by his sense of humor.

“I’m Y/N, Ian. Nice to meet you.”

“You too,” He says glancing back at his table, noticing that they’re all really into whatever conversation they’re having. So he gets comfortable next to me.

“So… you’re from here?” He asks, trying to make things less awkward.

“Mhm, born and raised. Unfortunately,” I joke taking my drink to my lips.

“So why are you at this small bar all alone?” He asks, seeming genuinely concerned.

“Well.. if you must know. I just broke up with my boyfriend, and this small bar because I can walk home from here,” I bite my lip, wondering if the tequila is making me feel a little too comfortable around him.

“Messy break-up? How are you handling it?” He asked gently rubbing my arm, which I enjoyed.

“Uhm… he cheated on me... a lot. No. He was a piece of shit. I’m just an idiot for not leaving sooner,” I ramble looking away from him. I really was okay. I didn’t want him to think I was bull shitting him.

“Well I can assure you, that you weren’t the idiot in that situation. He was. You’re gorgeous,” He confirms smirking at me, blush rising in his cheeks and mine.

I chuckle, rolling my eyes. “I just have too much going on to be in a relationship.” I sighed taking a long sip of my drink.

He laughs next to me. “I understand the feeling,” He agrees.

We talk for a while, bonding over our anxieties. I could listen to him talk for hours. Passion lacing his voice when he talked about his family and friends, and the things he loves to do. Genuine wonder on his face when he asked about my own. It had been so long since I had, had a good conversation with someone like that and honestly, there was something so damn sexy about it.  

I feel his eyes on mine, I was so overwhelmed by his presence. Everything about it. From the way he looked to the way he talked and all of the mannerisms in-between. His eyes flick down to my lips as I stick my tongue out to wet them. I watch his Adams apple bob as he watched closely. I wasn’t until this moment that I realized how close we were to each other, and how many people had left the bar. I took a deep breath in, scooting back and standing from my stool. He watched cautiously as I excused myself to the bathroom. I glance down at my phone. 1 am. I had been talking to him for 2 hours.

I excused myself to the bathroom. Once I was there I start to analyze myself in the mirror. I run my fingers through my hair, trying to tame it somewhat.  I wiped my eyes, and re-applied my lip gloss. Realizing very quickly that I was way drunker than I anticipated. I took a deep breath opening the door to the bathroom. Looking up instantly greeted by Ian leaning against the wall opposite me. Smirking down at me with the rosiest cheeks of them all, I guess he had a few too many too.

I grin up at him, as he slowly pushes himself off of the wall and closer to me. I walk backwards until my back hits the wall next to me, he boxes me in. One of his arms leaning on the wall just next to my head and the other slowly moving my hair behind my ear. Our breathing was heavy, and rushed. I slowly looked up at him, biting my lip knowing that once I made eye contact, I was fucked.

As soon as I did, his lips captured mine. Needy and passionate all at once. His lips fit between mine perfectly. His tongue peaks out to swipe across my lower lip, and I involuntarily moan in response. Taking his lower lip and trapping it between my teeth gently tugging. He pulls back, breathing so heavy, smiling down at me.

“Now, Just so were clear. I thought about doing this before I was drinking,” He chuckles before pulling me back to his lips. I smile into the kiss, making him laugh harder. He moves to my neck and starts placing kisses all along my jawline and under my ear. His hands grabbing my waist, his thumbs rubbing gentle circles along my hip bones. I moan into his ear, pulling him in closer by his shirt. We both jumped apart being interrupted by someone coughing to get our attention. Our heads turning towards the sound.

“Guys I’m closing up… so….” Tony politely tells us to get a room. We both straighten ourselves up before rounding the corner and seeing his group. Even though they knew damn well what was happening. Most of his friends are gone already but two are still waiting for him. He walks up to them, whispering something. They nod and gather their things and head for the door as he walks back over to me.

I put my coat on and go to pay my tab, only to be told its already been taken care of. I roll my eyes as I turn to look at him. He raised his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders at me. So I just shook my head and let it be.

“I’d like to walk you home if that’s okay.” He mumbles, stacking our empty glasses to make things easier on Tony.

“I guess that’s okay,” I smirk at him before telling Tony good night and heading for the door.

The wind was cold but the alcohol still coursed through my veins, warming me from the inside. Ian holds his arm out to me and I lace mine through it.

“You’re something special, Y/N” he announces, nudging me as we walked slowly to my place.

I nudged him back earning a throaty laugh, “Yeah? You’re not so bad yourself.”

“Seriously, so down to earth, and fucking hot. Doesn’t get better than that.”

We walk up the stairs and I start to put in my key, he pauses unsure of what to do.

“Do you… want to come inside?”

“Yes. I do.” His cheeks getting even rosier, if that was possible.

We walk upstairs and I unlock the door, letting him walk in first. I turn around to lock the door, starting to tell him that I’m sorry if It’s a mess, but before I could get a word out he was there, pushing me against the wall.

His lips finding mine again. His hands cupping my face as his moves from side to side, kissing me from every angle. He moves back looking down at me, lust swirling through his eyes.

“I… uhm… are you okay with this?” He asks me looking serious for a moment.

I giggle, pulling his lips to mine, and kissing him hard. “Mhmm.” I mumble in the kiss.

His hands slide down my sides, then to the back side of my body. Slowly over my ass before grabs each cheek hard, making me moan into our kiss. He smiles as his hands make their way down to my thighs. He bends down slightly, and effortlessly picks me up. I feel his hard on pressing against me, I buck my hips against him needing the friction. This time making him moan into my mouth, making me smirk into our kiss. He starts walking me down my hallway. He finds a door and opens it walking into my bathroom, he instantly sets me down. His confused face making me realize that he had no fucking clue where he was going. I looked around, and looked back at him. We instantly both started dying of laughter.

“Down the hall, to the left.” I mumbled biting my lip, trying to keep from laughing any more.

“That’s helpful, thanks.” He laughs, bending over and lifting me up by my knees and throwing me over his shoulder. I squeal as he spanks my ass, heading to the bedroom. Once there he reaches the bed and throws me onto it. I inch backwards, as he crawls on top of me. He pushes me down onto the bed, attacking my neck with his lips. Sucking and kissing, I was sure I would be covered in hickeys. His hand slowly finds its way under my shirt, sliding up and down my side. He pulled back to look down my body, I took the opportunity to push him flat on the bed. He lays on his back pulling me on top of him. My legs straddling his hips, he sits up pulling me as close as possible. Wrapping his arms around my waist as I grind into his hard on. His lips still marking their territory on my neck.

“I figured,” He breathes between the kisses he’s placing on my neck, “If we were both going to spend the night alone,” He pulls back finally kissing my lips once again, “we could be alone together.”

I smile into our kiss, his way with words had me reeling, I moan into his mouth telling him that I agreed whole heartedly. I reach down in between us as his teeth tug at my bottom lip, hungrily undoing the button on his jeans. As he starts to catch on I lift myself from his lap as he quickly slides his pants off. I sat back down, sliding his cock through my wetness.

“Fuck you’re so wet already,” He moaned into my ear instantly making me wetter. I reach into the nightstand at my bedside find a gold foil package. I rip open the packaging and I slide the condom onto him. I couldn’t stand it anymore, I slowly slid myself onto his swollen cock. I bite my lip hard as I watch his head fall back and his mouth hang open. My breathing quickens as I start to pick up my pace, finally adjusting to his size. His hands take purchase on my ass, grabbing as much as he could and pulling before he spanked the same spot.

“Feels… so fucking good,” I gasp as I rock my body back and forth rapidly, feeling myself getting closer to the edge.

“Mm, you’re close,” His lips find my nipples and start to suck gently before biting them, making me moan in pain and ecstasy, “not yet though, I want you on your knees,” he rasped, his voice dominant and strong and I instantly did as I was told. I pulled myself off of his cock, moaning in disappointment as I lose the feeling. I bend over in front of him on the bed, as he watches with lust filling his eyes. Something about his demeanor had changed and it was sexier than ever.

“Such a good girl,” He purred as he positioned himself behind me, his hand coming down hard on my ass once again making me scream in pleasure. He finally got close enough for him to slide his cock into me again, making me moan his name.

He starts slow, pulling my hips back towards him. I slowly start to slam my ass backwards onto him telling him I need more, as I do I hear an evil chuckle come from his lips.

“You need more, baby girl?” He asks as his hand glides up my spine, creating goosebumps all over.

“Yes please,” I whine, as my head gets buried farther into the mattress. His hand reaches the nape of my neck and I feel his fingers gently grabbing the messy pony tail at the back of my head. He tugs gently on the pony tail at first, making my back arch and my head pull backwards. Once he hears me moan he pulls harder and starts to slam his cock into me. The sounds of skin slapping skin, and my breathless moans fill the dark room.

His hand finds my shoulder as he pulls me back to him, so that my back was flesh against his chest. His cock still thrusting in and out quickly. His hands reach around my body, his right hand slides down to my clit and his left hand lightly wraps around my throat. As his fingers dance along my clit, I start to shake as he holds me still against him. His hand tightens around my throat as he moans into my ear.

“Cum for me Princess,” he begs into my ear as his fingers on my clit quicken, “cum all over this cock,” He demands, as I feel my muscles start to tighten around him. He feels it too because I hear his moans get louder. He pushes me down in front of him, grabbing my hips as he starts sliding himself as deep as possible. The change in position instantly bringing me to the edge.

I start to scream as I feel myself start to unhinge around him. He moans loud, as I feel his cock start to twitch, then I feel his thrust start to stagger as he finds his release too.

Sweaty and tired we both collapse onto the bed, he excused himself to bathroom so that he could clean himself up. As he does that I take the opportunity to put shorts and a t-shirt on. I stand at my dresser looking into the mirror that sits on top, brushing my hair. The alcohol that had made me confidant was slowly fading, and I started to wonder what was next.

Before I could start over thinking the situation, Christian came back in the room clutching a glass of water, handing it to me. He went back over to the bed and sat down, his feet over the side touching the floor. His boxers clung tight to his thighs and I could help but stare at the way his abdominal muscles flexed with every movement.

“Like what you see?” He giggles as he lays back on the bed, using his forearms to hold him up.

I raised my eye brows and nodded as I walked over to him, I could feel the rosy tint covering my cheeks. I placed myself between his knees looking down at him. His eyes slowly traveled up my body slowly, making my body warm once again. He slowly sat up then swiftly wrapped one arm under my legs and the other around my waist, pulling me onto his lap. He moved my legs so that I was straddling him.

He reached up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. I started to lower my head closer to his, he grinned when he realized I was moving in for a kiss. He quickly slid his hand to the back of my head to pull me down to him quicker. His lips were on mine once again, but slower this time. The butterflies in my stomach were going crazy, but in a different way than before.

Finally he pulled away, so that he could leave wet kisses down my neck. Every touch was electrifying. We had already had sex but every touch was so addicting, I needed more of him.

“So,” He rasps between kisses, “you think I could sleep over?” his eyes peak up at me as he continues to peck my body.

My fingers playing with the short hair at the back of his head gently, “Mhm, I think so.”

He tongue jets out to wet his bottom lip slowly, and I have to remind myself to inhale.

As I push him down to the bed, much more intimate than the first time, I get the feeling that this isn’t just a one night stand.

And I’m definitely okay with that.

__________________________________________________________

A/N: I know its not BTS but Christian has me feeling some typa way recently! Hopefully you enjoyed it! Dont forget that request are always open, and I LOVE feedback of any kind!

[theobxhummingbird]

Little love. -Luke Patterson x Reader.

Summary: A few songs, to confessions and apologies.

Here are the requests:  Heya! If requests are still open, can I please request a JATP Luke fic where both him and the reader are alive, and Luke and the reader both write music but the reader is down because of family reasons and cant seem to write, so Luke writes a song for her to help inspire her and he tells her he had fallen for her and it’s super duper fluffy and cuddly and sweet at the end ✨🥺

Platonic! Alive! Reggie, Luke and Alex (jatp) x Reader where she is the youngest in the band and starts sleeping at the studio more and more? The boys get worried until they find out her dad kicked her out. Maybe soft Luke, Reggie and Alex protective older brother cuddles? Sorry this didn’t really make sense! 

A/N: I wrote songs for the imagine--seriously...🥺 Judge them, hate them, love them, I won’t be mad, because they’re ridiculous. Thank you to the requests and enjoy the imagine.

They could be heard from the street, and it made all the lights flicker in the neighborhood houses. The people were wondering what’s being thrown in the Y/L/N household, until everything was very clear to them. Together with a backpack, and her guitar bag, the door shut in front of Y/N’s face. Her chin touched her chest, and she started sobbing. Reaching for the backpack and the guitar, Y/N started walking away from the house. 

She was supposed to be at rehearsal on time, and the four boys were waiting for her. But they didn’t expect her to come inside so slowly, and quietly get behind the piano. They had written a song, and it was the first trying it with the instruments. Luke, Reggie, Bobby, Alex; they were all trying to do their best, while playing the piano, came as an escape for Y/N, and they couldn’t notice anything wrong with her. But they changed their view on her state, when she looked up at them; as her eyes spoke the language of sadness.

-Are you okay? –said Alex, holding her shoulder.

-Yes—I am—just wanted to tell you that I’ll write some music first then leave the studio, so leave me the keys.

-Here captain. –Reggie dropped them in her hand, and gave her a hug, as all three boys followed him, Luke hugging her a bit longer.

-You’ll be fine. –he said, and pinched her nose, before heading for the door. Was she? Y/N didn’t even know herself. Her chin rested on her knees, as tears flooded her eyes again. It was the first time she had ever argued with her parents, with the outcome of them getting way too mad at each other, and ending it with kicking their daughter out.

-Why me? Why do I always have to take the faultiness? –she cried into her knees. The night was long, and Y/N was alone in the studio. Only, now, lit by a lamp, she took out her journal, and a pen. She was ready to spill out everything into words, which was the best way of reminiscing the words of her parents. Believe in me; she wrote at the top of the notebook.

 “That night I heard, a broken voice from a bird, and by every word, I couldn’t feel no more.” She scribbled words and then sentences, until it turned into a complete song: “Believe in me, I’m not a lie, what I love is what I never hide. And those empty streets, that are filled with melodies, you’re hurting with your dissimilarities.”

-The morning came, and she wasn’t even aware, until a big shadow hovered over her, blocking the sunlight that was warming her face.

-Y/N, wake up. –said a soft voice, as it nudged her slowly.

-Guys? –she stared at Luke, Reggie and Alex. 

–What are you doing here—so—early?

-What are you, doing here so early? –said Reggie, -And why are you sleeping on the couch?

-I was—waiting for you and uh—had fallen asleep.-Oh—okay—then let’s get started with rehear- 

-Wait Reggie, wait. –said Alex, and the guy stood back on his spot, -You’re lying to us, I can see it in your eyes. It’s not the look, when you’re telling the truth.

-Something was up with you since last night. And I didn’t say anything to you, thinking an alone time is what you need, but I can’t pretend that I don’t realize those pleading eyes. –said Luke, and sat down next to her.

-My dad kicked me out of the house last night. –she said.

Reggie gasped, but Alex’s reflex was quick to shut his mouth, by putting his hand on Reggie’s mouth and giving him a glare.

-Why? Did you have an argument?

-He didn’t approve his seventeen-year-old daughter, to play in a rock band. I tried to calmly talk to him, but he started yelling. We’ve had a financial crisis at home for a long time, and he took it out on me making music. Why does he think I’m making music? Only because I think of myself and my dreams? No, I also do it to help my parents. To give them as much as they’ve given me. But he didn’t even listen to me; just threw everything we had in the house, then—kicked me out.

-Did you give them a call, or did they—give you—never mind. –started Alex, but then threw an arm around Y/N’s shoulder, to comfort her.

-Never mind, I’ll fix this myself. I have a song. I mean—if you want to read it.

Luke took her journal, and opened to the page she told him, and quickly moved his eyes through the lyrics, and smiled at the words, -It’s beautiful. We’ll try the music for it later. Alex engulfed her in a hug, followed by Reggie, then by Luke. She melted into the shield of the three muscular boys. They projected warmth and love, that it was the easiest thing for her, to just tell them what she feels, because she knew they’ll first listen, then make a comment.

-I love you guys. –she wiped away her tears, and fixed herself. They brought breakfast along the way, and Y/N made the table so they could eat.

-I think we should write a song about hotdogs, you know? –Reggie spoke with his mouth full. –Just as a reminder, we should never eat them from wherever.

-You’re lucky you didn’t die, for else we would’ve written it on your stone. –said Alex.

-Y/N, we need to finish writing that song. –said Luke, as he looked at her not so concentrated self. Her fork sluggishly moved around the food, and she barely took a bite out of it. 

-Huh—yeah, sure, we’ll finish it. 

And they did. It was a beautiful song. He thought she wouldn’t be able to think of anything, but emotions had trapped her hard, that she thought of very breathtaking lines. They even tried it with the music, and were ready to add it onto the lists of the songs for the album.

-

Her head was slowly falling, and the boys decided to stay with her that night, and not leave her alone in the studio. Reggie was half asleep on the other couch, while Alex played with his drumsticks. Luke was holding his guitar, trying to think of some new words. Y/N’s head fell on her shoulder, and she was asleep, just like Reggie. 

Luke looked over, to see her peacefully, with pouted lips, asleep next to him. It was painful seeing her in an uncomfortable position, so he picked her up in his hands, and placed her nicely on the couch, throwing a blanket over her body. Luke sat there for hours, observing her as she slept, and thought about the history the both of them had. He’s been observing her like that for a long time; since the day they met each other, but never knew how to express how he feels, scared it’s only one-sided.

The pen moved on the paper, making little dents as he wrote. Words were spilling out, as his eyes glanced at her, analyzing every detail of her face. Little love

- LITTLE LOVE

Closed eyes, pursed lips, one by one they tell me your sides,

Will I be able to fix what you feel?

Can I tame those wild tides?

And can I give a little love,

To my angel, of all the above.

 Don’t remember them breaking words, 

I don’t know, if there’s something you can remember,

But just leave them behind, and I’ll be your heart’s tender.

 And just like a free bird,

Fly away from what you heard,

Brush away your pride,

And swim away with your sorrow tide.

But before you go, can I get little love,

Can I get those peaceful eyes?

And those warm lips,

To break away some of them boundaries? 

 Reggie and Alex were now, both, asleep, and Luke was alone with his written song. He tried to persuade himself into the confession through the song, without hurting her, because he knew she had such a hard time at the moment. But the next day, when he found a chance to be alone with her, Luke pulled her hand, and they both sat on the couch. He positioned his guitar, and gave her the written song. He started playing, and singing the words.

 Y/N’s mouth fell apart, as her eyes widened a bit. She couldn’t even breathe in the moment, because Luke’s soft eyes didn’t leave hers, while he shot the words at her. He was such a sweet person, and she now remembered how much she admired him for the way all his emotions could be heard from his lyrics. But these—she thought she understood wrong, until the guitar dropped on the floor, and his hands were cupping her face. Their lips melted into each other, as her tears pecked his face. It was a moment of relief, and he couldn’t be more in need to take all her pain, and keep it to himself, so she doesn’t have to go through it.

-I love you. -he whispered when they split apart, and finally looked into her eyes.

-Our feelings are mutual, Luke Patterson. I love you too. And this song—is—just—perfect; flawless.

-Just like you. And I know you won’t agree, but I’ve never seen someone so responsible for everything in their life. You’ll get through this; we’ll get through this. You have my support and love like you always did.

-They won’t want me back, Luke.

-Yes they will, trust me. They’re your parents, and if there’s something the most important in their life, that’s you; their daughter. And I don’t doubt, they’re waiting for you. So—let’s go, we’ll fix this together, I’ll hold your hand till the house. You are doing what you love, and you’re doing it well, and it would be a loss if you leave it.

-Thank you so much for being next to me. Always. –she snuggled into him.

-I’ll forever hold you in my arms whenever something goes wrong. But just know, I’m doing everything so you don’t cry.

-I know; I hope I’ll be as sweet as you are. Writing me songs, and taking care of me.

-You’re already doing that, bird. You have your precious love, bewitch me. Isn’t that enough? –he kissed her forehead, and  gestured her so they could leave for her parents’ house. 

That night, not only were the boundaries between Luke and Y/N taken away, but also between her and her family. Now, they let her explain herself, and express the love for music, and all that was in their hands was to agree on her profession. As well as approve the relationship with the beautiful boy, that had as much as love for music as her—as well as for Y/N.       

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

Ships and Shells (Pt.1)

-------------------------

There were a great many things that Virgil didnt know, how to solve complex math equations, how to balance a book on his head, how the ocean could be so close to him yet so obscenely far. Really that was what confused him, a title of 'Prince of the Seas' and yet he hadnt set foot near one once in his life.

For a kingdom based so heavily around aquaculture, it was rather odd that his parents seemed to fear water more than they feared the idea of poison in their goblets.

Of course, that didnt mean they'd halted the economy all together, oh no, it was perfectly alright for other people to do the dirty work of the oceans, so long as the nobility stayed away from it.

But that's the thing about keeping an eighteen year old boy trapped in an expansive palace with windows pointing out to a place he wasnt allowed to go. It never worked.

In the case of this particular rebellion, Virgil had strayed off nearly every day at night to watch the tides, to feel the water on his feet, to call out to the distant shore that seemed oh so welcoming when he wasnt allowed to accept its invitations.

And if he couldnt sneak out, he watched ships dock and leave from the harbor as often as he could, his mind swimming with ideas of what it might be like.

"But mother I dont want to go to my classes! The instructor is all boring and- creepy-" Virgil complained, dragging his nails along the table and pouting slightly.

"Well if you didnt want extra classes than maybe you shouldve paid more attention the first time," the queen responded coldly.

"Well how can I! You've placed the classroom right next to the ocean! If you wanted me to pay attention so badly why would you give me a view like that!" Virgil responded, throwing his arms up.

"Well I'd expect you to have a little more self control than that!" And that settled it, if Virgil's mother was mad, there would be no further questions. Virgil mumbled a bit before he stormed off to his classes, fidgeting with his hoodie strings as he walked.

Of course, he still didnt pay a single lick of attention, simply stared out of the window and cringed at his professor's comments until it was over.

And then it happened, he'd walked out of the study, and heard a loud crash from outside. He raced to a farther window, pressing his face against the glass.

A large black ship was docked in the harbor, and the harbor itself, was on fire.

Virgil had to duck as something hit the window, a quick look allowed him to recognize it as a grappling hook. So Virgil began to run as fast as he could, watching pirates was one thing, getting taken by them was another.

Unfortunately for Virgil, he was fast, but pirates with ropes were much faster. Virgil froze as he heard boots land on the floor in front of him, and attempted to turn back in the other direction, only to run into another pirate.

"Aaawwweee, poor thing, he thinks we're gonna hurt him doesnt he!" Said one of the pirates, cackling. Virgil looked up and spat in his face. The man blinked, pouting slightly.

"Well fine, since you want to be so rude about it, Janus? Roman?" The man looked over Virgil's shoulder, Virgil attempted to break into a run again, only for his arm to get caught by someone else. He swilling around and attempted to bite his captor, only to feel someone else press against his neck, his vision went spotty, and then faded entirely.

He woke up in a cell, the smell of salt water filled his nostrils, he had cloth wrapped around his mouth, wrists, and ankles.

"Terribly sorry for the lackluster greeting, we're not used to skittering mice," Virgil glared at the man standing outside of his cell.

"Gee, you could kill a man with those eyes," the man cackled. Virgil let out a low snarl.

"Oooohhh, I'm shaking in my boots!" The man leaned against the cell, lifting on leg up and propping it on a barrel behind him.

"Tell me, what exactly do you think you'll be able to do to me when you're stuck in there, and even if you were out, pompous prince like you couldnt even throw a proper punch," the pirate said with a grin, Virgil noticed silver fangs glinting at the front of his mouth. Virgil lunged at him slightly, only to end up falling on his face. The silver-fanged man let out another sickening cackle.

"And dont get any ideas about escaping, you're on Captain Remus Duke-Prince Kingsley's ship now, and you'll abide by my rules, or you'll find yourself hanging from a fish hook off the hull," the Captain's voice took on a sudden threatening tone that sent chills down Virgil's spine. Virgil watched as Remus turned on his heel and strode out of the room, wishing ever so intensely that he couldve broken his bonds and strangled the man before he even set foot outside the door.

It felt as though Virgil had been alone in that cell for hours before someone showed up, he was short, with messy auburn hair and bright green eyes. He looked guilty, sad even.

"Here's your food, I'll uh- get that cloth off now-" he stammered, slipping the tray through a slot in the cell, Virgil turned his back to the man, waiting patiently as he felt the man's fingers working through the cloth bindings. Almost as soon as he felt the last piece of cloth fall from his body he bolted upright and tried to push his way through the cage bars. The man who'd delivered his food gave him a pitying look, but didnt stop him. It wasnt until Virgil had managed to tire himself put and collapse onto the floor that he spoke.

"Well, I suppose if you're quite finished, youd like to ask questions, then?" He said, raising an eyebrow. His face was soft, even the mildly annoyed look spread across it now didnt take away from the rosy flush of his cheeks, nor the faint glimmer of his irises.

"Yeah, question one, what the hell do you think you're playing at," Virgil said, slamming his arm against the cage bars again, ignoring the vibration it sent through his body.

"Ok, dont get mad, which is probably a redundant statement since you already look like you're going to explode, but, I cant answer that particular question yet," he said, the guilty expression quickly resurfacing.

"Ok, sure, fine, can you at least tell me what you need me for? Because it clearly isnt a ransom or I'd already be dead," Virgil grumbled, smirking slightly at the worry this seemed to cause the man.

"Well uh, I dont have all of the details, but uh- well- Remus says- I think- we need your help with something? Like- finding something, he says we cant do it unless you're with us," the man stuttered, shifting his feet on the ground.

"Oh really? So if I were to- say, remove myself from the equation, you'd be at a loss hm?" Virgil said, the man let out a terrified squeak. Virgil gave a merciless laugh, for a pirate, whoever this man was, he was nowhere near as threatening as his captain.

"Well uh- yes- that's, how I assume it would work- but uh- I dont think it would be very beneficial to you either-" the man continued, his boots now tapping more frequently on the ground.

"You and I have very different ideas of beneficial," Virgil replied.

"Roman? Is everything alright my darling?" Virgil paused as he heard another voice, this one deeper, almost silky in tone.

"I'm alright Janus-" Roman replied, Virgil heard shuffling.

"Are you going to eat? I dont think it wise to starve yourself, after all, a prince of the seas die in the middle of the ocean? There are far less ironic alternatives, and with much more bravado than that," Janus said, Virgil muttered a bit before he turned to the tray, which was, by some odd miracle, still hot. He glanced in the direction of his co-captors to get a better look at the second figure. Janus was tall, with wavy brown hair that was parted to the right, the left side was shaved, there was a very prominent yellow snake skull drawn on the right side of his face as well, and he, to, had metallic fangs, though his were gold, and were visible even with his mouth closed, Roman, it seemed, had no such additions. Virgil eyed them both carefully before he started eating, and he hadnt realized how hungry he was till that exact second.

"And dont worry about excercise, you'll only be trapped here until we're in the next town, of course you wont be getting off the ship, so dont get any ideas," Janus said calmly.

"And what makes you think you can stop me?" Virgil said, glaring up at him.

"Who exactly do you think incapacitated you upon our arrival at the castle?" Janus said plainly, flexing his hands, upon which were gold accents that seemed to trace it like a skeleton.

"Well, enjoy your meal, and dont sit still for to long, it gets dreadfully uncomfortable for your joints to get that stiff," and with that, the pair were gone, Janus fixing his hat, and Roman clinging to Janus' arm like a lovestruck puppy.

And there was Virgil, alone, and very much unhappy.

----------------------------------------------

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[ignitesthestxrs]

i apoligze for this in advance but idk who else to ask. so i’m attracted to women like 92% of the time but i’ve been dating a guy for a few months now. it’s not super serious yet but i still find myself feeling sad about never having had a gf/worrying i never will and just feeling like a bad queer. i KNOW that it’s terribly biphobic of me to think that if i a femme enby date a cis dude i’m not queer enough. but i also cant get past it no matter how many times i look at these ugly brain thoughts

first of all: you never have to apologise for sending me stuff like this. it is a known facet of my tumblr, and while i know i am hardly around at all, i do periodically check my inbox and am never angry or annoyed or any other negative emotion to see people reaching out for help/advice. i don’t always have the mental bandwidth to respond, but i am only ever glad that people still consider this a safe place to reach out to.

there are a couple of things i want to address here! in no particular order:

you are not a future teller or a psychic, no matter how much your worries and anxieties insist that they know what is coming. the fact that you are in a relationship with a man in this moment has no bearing on what relationships you may find yourself in, in the future. the fact that the person you are dating currently identifies as a man is no guarantee that they will always identify that way, even! you could be with them for the next couple of weeks or for the rest of your life and there are a million permutations in between and around those two options.

what i’m saying is - obsessing over things you might not do in the future because of things you are doing now is a game that nobody wins. you have no guarantees of what the future is going to hold - you can make decisions now based on what you want and/or expect the future to hold, but stressing about the path not taken means that you’re going to spend all your time straining to see that path and like, walk into a big boulder in the path you’re actually on or something. currently, you’re not even stressing about the fork in the road that you came across. you’re on a single path, and you’re worrying about a path you haven’t come across yet, which may or may not diverge from the path that you’re on, or might be in a different forest entirely and and and- at some point you gotta love the path you’re on and take in the scenery, my darling.

which, incidentally - this path? not incompatible with queerness. and i know you know this, but feeling it can be! so hard! so i am here to remind and reassure you that - queerness is not an action. the nature of identity is not things that you do, it is the person that you are. you do not cease to be non-binary because your outfit changes - your fashion choices are simply a way of expressing your non-binary-ness, and they are not the only way, and if you are not using fashion to express your enbyness then that doesn’t make you not enby. you don’t stop being enby when there is no one there to look at you and make external judgements about your gender, and you do not stop being queer because you are a femme-adjacent person dating a cis dude.

queerness is a thing that you are. you can take actions that express that queerness more clearly to outside observation, but outside observation does not change the fact of your queerness. i will not deny that it can make it easier to participate in community, because community is in part made up of particular signs that individuals recognise in each other and gravitate towards - but who you date is only one such sign. i’m a lesbian who hasn’t dated anyone for over half a decade - am i less queer because i have not hooked up with a chick in that time? i am not. if i fuck a dude am i less of a lesbian? idk man that depends on how i feel about fucking a dude. am i romantically and sexually attracted to the dude, or was his dick just inside me? what if he just uses his fingers? i feel like i could feasibly have sex with a cis man out of sheer curiosity and still be a lesbian, sure, but what if there’s a single man that just perfectly meets me where i am despite my overwhelming preference and interest in women? what if that man is trans? what does that mEAN? at which point do we stop dissecting identity and carving lines into each other?

queerness is a useful umbrella term to cover those people who exist out of heternormativity - cismen attracted to ciswomen, ciswomen attracted to cismen, exclusively. the second the spokes of that umbrella start poking you instead of protecting you from the rain, it has ceased to do its job. identity is useful in that it helps us understand ourselves and it helps us find community in other people, but there are no perfect words that encapsulate the whole of our individual experience, and there are no individual experiences that perfectly match up with another person’s individual experience, even if we use the same word/s to describe ourselves.

you can’t be biphobic at your own experiences. it’s not biphobic to look at the way you have identified previously/up to a certain point, to recognise a difference in your current behaviour, and feel weird or discomforted by this difference. it’s not biphobic to need some time to figure shit out - who you want to be, how you want to identify, what outfit fits you best. i think identity works best as a conversation with yourself - i think we should all be checking in on ourselves to make sure that the way are living is expressing the way we are being. this urge to build walls of definable identity is a protective instinct meant to save us and gather us together from the very real threats of a heteronormative society, but it can also mean we get trapped in a place that no longer suit us.

some practical advice - if the idea of never dating a girl stresses you out that much, i’d take a break from dating this dude, because it sounds like you have some work to do in terms of figuring out what experiences you want to have in life. but only you can decide where that stress line fractures, you know? but if you read this post and you sit with it for a bit and you find that the experience of dating this man is still making you miserable, it’s okay to take some time away from it. you don’t deserve misery.

that being said - like, you’ve only been dating him a few weeks? it’s cool to just envision this relationship in terms of weeks. you truly don’t have to stretch the current experience you are having out to cover the rest of your life in one daunting ‘what if’. so long as everyone involved in a relationship is clear with the terms of engagement, go forth and short term yourself some fuckin joy.

i stress, i beg, do not deny yourself the pleasure of a joyful experience with another human soul now because you are worried about what this means about other people’s perception of some amorphous identity. you are queer. you are a femme-enby person largely attracted to woman, but dating a man. you are queer, you are enough, you don’t need to question that anymore. i think that the last year, last four years, last lifetime has more than proven that life is, frankly, too fucking short. seize your joy and run with it. whether that means dating this man or take a pause to breathe and reflect, or whatever else! you’ll still be queer.

be kind to yourself my love i wish you well <3

[elliothollandhanbury]

      I was having a night out with 7 of my friends 2 weeks before my prom. I was on my moped, my friends were all on foot. It was quite late at night, about 1:35am. One of my older friends said “Let’s go back to the park for his alcohol that he had hid in the bushes” (Winter gardens, Malvern) So we decided to all go back because that’s what friends are for! On the way there we passed a crossroads, we saw 3 people all walking towards the park! One was short & stocky about 23yrs old, another was quite tall with blonde hair medium build about 22yrs old, but there was also an older looking person who was really really big, pure muscle with solid fat about 30yrs old! I was only a young boy at 16 years old! I didn’t get a very good look but they looked very sketchy! After we had passed one of my friends said to me “they’re the worst people” I thought nothing of it really, I was quite a confident young child in my youth. When we got to the park, my friend jumped on the back of my moped & said “head towards the bridge!” I got to it, then he said cross over!

   When we had crossed the bridge, I saw those three people standing in/near the boat sheds. I pulled my bike over and stood it on It’s stand. Went to sit down, (while I took my helmet off) To wait for my friends! As I sat down I realised that (Antony Farley) The short one, who I realised was quite muscled. (Looked like he had been working out in prison) was sat on my bike! The other two approached me (John Smith & Chris (Krissy) Willis), that second I knew that I was in a very uncomfortable position, they made me feel this way! They were the worst people I had ever come across, I could tell that just by looking at them and there body language! The worst burglary sort of people, trouble anyway you look at them, murderers/tramps! (I knew I was about to get beaten up no matter what basically) I knew they were crack & heroin addicts! I wasn’t, I was only a thin normal sized kid, I thought I would “try” & talk my way out of it! There was nothing else I could really do! Everyone arrived & no one said much, I was stuck in a situation that was very difficult!

   As I was sat there everyone sat down around me including the two lads while the other one was sitting on my moped! People were just talking a bit, while I sat there trying to be quiet (But I was very worried) The big ginger one, who had “LITTLEMAN” wrote across his back (The irony was ridiculous) sat there looking depressed with hid fist leant up his face! Started talking, he was kind of wondering would I go to the police! He said something like “you think your better than me” I noticed he had a nasty gap in his teeth, I thought a bit like mine! I mentioned teeth & he looked at me like he was going to kill me” I Said “You’ll have to excuse me I’m wired” I’ve been totally clean now for 10 years, since that night! (I’ll tell you why) He said to me “Are you posh” I replied nothing because I am a bit! He said “Are you deaf” Once again I said nothing! My “friend” Danny said “he went to Grammar school” “He races motocross” I just could not believe my friend said something like that with people like this in our presence! They were the worst people ever! I said “someone got robbed at gunpoint in my yard in Birmingham” I thought I’d better say something to play myself down a bit! He started asking me about girls, saying “did I have a girlfriend!” I replied “not at the moment” he laughed at me! You could cut the tension with a knife! They were taking advantage of me! They built it up until I was too scared to do anything! I sat down in the boat shed really scared! The fat older man sat down next to me, then he squished his body up against mine! I asked him “What‘s your name“ (Squashing me against the arm rest)  He then raised his fist to my face, stood up & said “If you don’t give me the keys to your moped in 3 seconds, I’m going to plaster your face across that wall” He started counting “3...2...” I said “wait, I’ll let you have a go on it” He said “ok!”

 

   I took out my keys and walked over to my moped! (Anthony was sat on it) I put the keys in the ignition and turned it! I said to the person on my bike “do you want to borrow my helmet” me being safety conscious (I was being nice) That person tried it on & for what ever reason didn’t want to wear it! (I also knew Anthony’s name because my other friend who wasn’t with me said “He steals motorbikes, he stole my friends neighbours monkey bike a couple of days before, I don’t know how but I saw Anthony ride it down a road a few days later) Anyway he passed the helmet to Chris Willis and tried to wink before I saw past the post he was hidden behind, He didn’t put it down, so I somehow guessed that he was going to whack me with it! So I thought I’d wait for him too! Anthony pulled off on my moped into the park, Chris leant sideways a bit and swung back another bit to use all his momentum! He swung my helmet as hard as he possibly could to smash it into my face! I ducked because he wasted to much time trying to use ALL his force! Luckily I stood next to one of the pillars/posts as he swung & swung round in circles trying to smash my face open! Eventually he gave up and let go of my helmet, it went flying across the concrete smashing all the visor and tearing the paintwork, and ended up in the middle of the lake on purpose, to trap me!

   

I walked up to him & was going to punch him in the face, when I thought about the big fat gypsy/traveller/yobbo one! I thought what’s the point! Anthony came back on the bike & stopped outside the boat-sheds! I wanted to get out of the situation more than anything, but Anthony leant over my bike & started asking questions like “How would I start it if I didn’t have the keys” I said “it has loads of problems like loses water and there is something wrong with the exhaust” I told him a bit about the spark plug trying to seam helpful! As I was pointing to it, I had this gut instinct to look up, as I did I saw this fist go whoosh straight past my face, Chris fell flat on his face, straight onto the concrete! He tried to punch me as hard as he could, while I wasn’t looking! I had done nothing wrong at all! I was beginning to get fed up! I was going to laugh at him & kick him in the face, but I’m a nice person! So I didn’t say anything not even an expression! Next thing I know “Littleman” comes rushing in full blast punching me in my face full blast! I covered my face up with my arms but it still really hurt, he wouldn’t stop punching me, at least 10 times! Then Chris started punching me as hard as he could like another 10 times! After they had finished I stood up wanting to leave! 

   When I stood up I wanted to get on my bike and leave! I was hoping they would leave me alone now! They had a bit of a punch that was it! Oh nooo! While I was stood there wondering what had just happened! Littleman slipped behind everyone made about 8 ft room beside me and swept up and punched me as hard as was physically possible in the side of my head! Trying to knock me out unconscious, or kill me! Showing off! I blacked out a bit and thought I cant believe a 30yr old man would do such a thing & that he was going to be in big trouble if he did that again! (It hurt like hell) I stood next to my bike and tried to keep my composure! I stood in front of a pillar and said to him “Is there a mark on my face” He looked at me in the worst way ever & said “there’s more where that came from” I was just praying it was going to end now! I wanted to get out of there but it was too awkward, there was nothing I could do! Why should I let him have my moped for free! None of my friends said anything at all! If I was them I would of left me, which is what they did, one said “lets go” so they all started to walk off and left me! I wanted to shout “call the police or my Dad” but I was soo scared I couldn’t even speak! Littleman was saying I’m gunna punch him in a minute” I said “look at the size of you” He said “You calling me fat” You know that yobbo attitude! I had nowhere to go! One of my friends said “I’ll stay” without saying anymore, he played it as he kind of knew them! Sort of thing. Wasn’t much help, but if I got murdered at least he would of seen everything!

   So I was basically all alone stuck in the park having a nightmare! little man sat on my bike to have a go on it! There was nothing I could do, hopefully they would leave me alone if I did! As little man pulled off on my moped! Anthony was winding/egging Chris to attack me! Chris did, he started punching me in the face as hard as he could hanging on to me, clinging to me grabbing me swinging his fist punching me like 20-30 times, half way through he head butted me as quick as he could real HARD! It really hurt, I felt like crying but this was the least of my problems! They were making me fight, but they didn’t want me to really, you know cheating. Tough. Unfair! I thought stop touching me! Littleman arrived back on my moped! He instantly got off it ran up to me and joined Chris with decking my face in! They punched me in the face a lot, like 40-50 times between them, but because I held my hands up they had to settle for brain damaging me, the side of my skull and all around my head! It was very painful, they carried on doing this for quite a while! They didn’t say much, they just wound me up as much as they could, saying this & that! Punching me in the face the best they could like another 100 times! This went on for like an hr or two I didn’t know! Littleman eventually asked me if I had a phone, I said “I have nothing” as I putt my arms out to show! (I did have my phone though) They kept beating me and beating me! Really painful! They were fighting really dirty! The whole time I defended myself to the maximum, by blocking as much as I could, it was exhausting! They kept touching me & harassing me! The aggression was like nothing I had ever seen before, they were in such a bad mood for nothing! They hated me beyond belief for no reason at all! Chris tried to pull my trousers down & steal them (Burberry) I held on to them to keep them up, or next thing I knew I would be tied to the tree strung up with them. He fell on the floor! My friend was stood there saying nothing! They continued to wind me up and hurt me for quite some time, they must have punched me at least another 3-400 times again! Really violent! Chris kept looking at his nails like he could polish them he was having so much fun & that it was that easy to abuse me. Again Little man  asked me “have you got a wallet” I said “no” it just wound him up more and made him more angry! Chris kept punching me as hard as he knew how! Again & again & again! This was very distressful! I wasn’t sure I was going to leave the park that night! They had a look of a killer in there eyes!  They weren’t very good at fighting, but they were learning quickly with the practice from me! They had previously robbed an old lady for her handbag, she unfortunately died of a heart attack! I had done nothing wrong at all! They went on & on punching me into the night! Really fierce a disturbing! Like another 400 times taking it in turns! One after the other! While one rested the other went, they had like a system it was soooo nasty! I didn’t know people like this existed! They were really violent my face was aching and I could feel I had two black eyes! I thought about my life and how it was all going out the window because of these people! I was going to have a heart attack from how much horror, from what was happening!

   

   My head was hurting REALLY bad! I knew there was permanent damage done no matter what I did! I didn’t feel right, it wasn’t me! I was obviously worried, but there was nothing I could do! I was trapped in the park being held hostage by three thugs! I was kidnapped, no escaping! They proceeded to torture me more & more! I thought I was going to die. It was good versus evil! They were definitely jealous that I was a millionaire! They were beginning to get in so much trouble they were falling out! They had punched me soo hard like 900 times or more by now! They looked at each other, thinking we’re in so much trouble now! I could tell! After all I was stuck with them! I reckon they were out of their eyeballs on heroin! I was going to offer them the beer in the hedge but I forgot, I was panicking & was so worried for my life! I said “leave me alone” a couple of times that was it! They just kept pounding away at me, when I had done nothing wrong! Litlleman was swinging for me with so much aggression I could dodge some of his attacks because he was heavy! Chris on the other hand was just a complete psycho! Also I was so much younger, it wasn’t fair at all! I had no chance. Taunting me the whole time! They were very vindictive, pushing me around telling me what to do! This was going on for way tooo long! I needed to do something, but I was trapped in the boat sheds covered by all 3 of them, with my helmet stuck in the lake! 

   Chris was willing to take things to another level, (As well as Littleman!?) Chris grabbed me by the arms and held me in position! He struck his absolute hardest head butt at me with all his might! He tried smashing my nose open! I countered this with my head as well as I could! The violence of him was absolutely atrocious! He did this 10 times in a row hardcore! He was so vicious it was unbelievable! I was lifting my leg up in case he tried to sweep my footing! I could feel the marks on my arms from his nails! Ow! I was considering biting him, but I thought I better not because he might have aids from needles and syringes! He just would not relent! It was starting to get light now! I had been punched enough to last a lifetime! It still wasn’t over!? I defended myself as best as I could, but there was nothing I could do the physical & mental damage was done. They were very controlling. They were taking out all there anger on me, & I don’t know why! I had half a cigarette in my pocket, I thought I could offer it to them! It might distract them or give them something to do because they weren’t leaving me alone for 1 second! Little man (John) took it from me and made a roll up! As he was doing this Anthony said “You’ll have to excuse my friend he’s in a funny mood” Littleman asked me “Have you got any money” I took out 2p from my pocket and said ”You can have it” He said nothing!

   They still went absolutely mad in a psycho rage at me! Punching & beating me down! Chris was so astonished that he was getting away with it that he leant back & was like I’m the greatest ever! Couldn’t believe what he was doing/getting away with! Though that it was so bad and so cool! I was pretty much dead at this stage, I was in so much pain and anguish, I didn’t understand what was going on! I don’t really say much in this writing, but the whole time I was getting punched! Harder than a freight train! Total brutality. They even said to me “aren’t you going to cry” I was defending for my life! I really thought I was going to die! Chris had a really hard session of fighting me on my own! Littleman let him, but hawked over him just in case I did anything! He kept randomly going psychopath at me going mad beating the crap out of me, like proving he was harder or something! Trying his absolute hardest to hurt me! This went on forever! They did everything physically possible to physically disable & mentally destroy me! I would never be the same again. I didn’t throw 1 punch that night! I walked over to the lake to look like I wanted to leave, by looking at my helmet in the middle. Littleman was saying things like “I’m gunna push you in, in a minute if you don’t get your helmet” They still punched my lights out another 400 times, They were in fight mode all night! it was like up to over 1000+ times now & I was sick of it! They were making the most of it, dragging it out.

   After Chris had finished his fighting session of talking a foreign language dancing like a ritual, I grabbed him by his jacket and said ”I don’t want to fight you” Then I pushed him away from me! He stumbled over a bit then fell head first backwards and might have clipped his head on the step where my helmet had flung passed earlier! Littleman instantly came running over and just laid into me with all his power! I put my hands up to defend myself & he said what are you doing like Simon says! Tricking me into putting my hands down then beating me profusely.  I lay on the floor worried to death about my health, I thought if I laid there they might go away, so I lay on the floor with my hands covering my head! Next thing I know they line my head up, like a penalty spot to kick a football! The damage was immense, it hurt more than words could ever explain! Then my friend said something “wow wow” Made no difference, they did it again! I’m not sure who kicked me because I couldn’t see. These people were the worst bully/yobbo/gypsy/scum you will ever find on planet earth. I had a lumps on my head for weeks.

   

   When I stood up after the kicks I held my head it hurt so much and slouched, I was three quarters dead at this stage and I wanted to go home! Littleman said “Your not going to tell anyone about this are you” I said “I don’t even know you” Littleman said “ I’ll kill ya” I was so scared for my life, I walked over to my moped and Anthony jumped off it & stamped his foot at me! I ran like I’ve never ran before, the best sprint I’ve ever had to do. I ran around the lake waiting for them to follow me. I was going to run to the nearest house to ask for help when, my friend shouted “They’re gone” Matthew got my helmet out of the lake with a stick and gave it to me, I put it on even though it was drenched! I forgot my glove so my friend went back for it! I left the park a different way because I thought they would close line me off my bike, if I went the same way they did! When I was on the road home I looked at the time it was nearly 9 o’clock in the morning and it takes me 15 minutes to get home! I kissed the ground when I did! They attempted to kill me any way possible all night! The heart attack was one of the ways they tried to murder me! Spent 7 hours with those people fighting for my life the whole time. They were the most indecent cowardly no respect for human life people I have ever met. It’s very sad what happened that night. Even at my prom I still had two black eyes. The year was 2005 the start of June. Also after a couple of months I fell out with 1 of my friends & they told them where I live, I was asleep at Christmas time at my dads house it was about 4 o’clock in the morning when I heard a tapping at the window, I was so tired, but I woke myself up (I had to) To see the blonde bald person at my window with a tool that looked like a crow bar obviously trying to break in! I got out of bed & raised my fist at him he backed away from the window! I went straight back to sleep! He was gone for now, It ruined my whole persona on life at my homes, also I was getting phone calls with people saying they were going to cut me up, someone killed my cat as well! I had to worry constantly now… The torment & torture continued!

   I was also informed by a close friend who lives in Malvern that Chris Willis lives in a crack house, & makes heroin at his home  in Malvern link near Matalan! Littleman is a hobo but also lives in Malvern, a place called the royal estate! I’m physically & mentally even physiologically damaged! I was very, very, very ill for 3-4 days after the event in bed! I was too scared to go to hospital in case they were there! Which continued. I was too scared to even leave the house for years & years! I hear their voices & have nightmares about them everyday! I worry about them being outside my house all night, I can't sleep! They had totally disabled me. I stopped socialising all together. I received psychiatric help ever since, I’ve had physiatrists, psychologists, mental health nurses, CPN's, NLP, councillors, counselling e.t.c e.t.c I have even been put in mental hospital for over 8 months of my life! I've been on at least 15 types of anti-phycotic medicines all day everyday 24/7 for the last 10 years! They said that the incident helped trigger & contributed to my post traumatic stress! I was NEVER, the same Elliot after that night, what happened was so wrong! I was an innocent little boy a child! Never touched a drug since, for obvious reasons & I was so worried about my health! I played the whole night like an angel so I could go to the police! But after they threatened to kill me, I was so scared for my well being, I didn’t!  It’s like the James Bulger story! This is only the basics to the complete nightmare, but it is all true & feel free to ask me any questions! It couldn’t really be much worse! That’s the worst thing in prison adults beating up children. I want my piece of mind back! Justice must be served… They were child killers.

Elliot Michael Holland-Hanbury