#if i ever got the time to rewatch back the old seasons then it will be much harder to choose a top 5 AHHAHAHA

[collecting--stardust]

Top-5 liveries in the MotoGP paddock

Okay so disclaimer, I watched motogp before stopping in 2015 because I went to boarding school. Then I continue watching again in 2020 and has been trying to rewatch all the seasons I've missed since. But the thing is, I have shit memories so I don't really remember the seasons pre 2015 too except for 2011 so yeah, not much old liveries in this list, unfortunately :(

1) 2020 SRT Petronas Yamaha

I'm Malaysian so I may be biased but I really love the green petronas colour on the bike. The black leathers look beautiful too and I love seeing that bike on the parc ferme whenever Franky got on the podium so I have really fond memories with this livery. Hmm, I missed this livery so much :(

2) 2013 Yamaha Sepang test

I stumbled upon this picture a few moments back and like WHAT A SEXY LIVERY!!! Love love the grey black livery it makes it looks mysterious and menacing and just.. seriously what a sexy livery.

3) 2021 Sky VR46 Mugello

I know that sky vr46 has multiple tricolor liveries but last year's mugello is my favourite. I love that when the camera is from the side it looks like it's a green bike but when you look at the other side it's red. It's my first time seeing that livery so it's really cool for me haha

4) 1993 Yamaha Marlboro

So I know of this livery's existence because my twin keeps on talking about how sexy the Marlboro livery on the Ferrari during Michael Schumacher's dominance era. So I just randomly search if there's a Marlboro livery bike and voilà! Sure smoking is bad for you but Marlboro does know how to create one hell of a gorgeous livery huh.

5) 2022 Gresini Racing Misano

I love the livery it gives me a really nostalgic feeling and knowing that it's a tribute to Fausto Gresini makes it more heart warming. BUT. One of the reasons why I find it sexy is because of the leathers.

That shade of blue is so pleasant to see I was gaping when I saw it. I love the leathers so much I was low-key disappointed when they went back with the usual grey suit on the next race hmm

Honorary mention:

2022 Mooney VR46 Misano

Okay so this is a stunning livery but the first time I saw it I was like 🤨. I don't know it's just not my style but I do end up liking it in the end (before I realised it's a cursed livery). Um, that aside, it's on this list because just like the Gresini's special livery, I fucking love the leathers.

I love purple so much and so does blue. Especially that shade of purple and blue. The leathers are so beautiful and just NDHDBSJSBHDBDHDH. I love it so much I stare at this picture for quite some time because how wonderful would that be if there's a livery that use the color scheme of the top colours on the racing suit: white, purple, blue. But it doesn't happen, sadly.

[rexecutioner]

Spoilers for all of Mystreet and a small bit of Mcd

So ur telling me. That in ms and pdh. In six seasons and like three prequel seasons. Vylad Ro’Meave. Gets 10 episodes that he appears in. TEN. Over 314 fifteen to thirty minutes episodes (including the side series, pdh and fcu, the spin offs, and the mini series, not including the mini games), Vylad get approximately 85 minutes of screentime in total, with around 40 of those minutes being in pdh, and 45 in Mystreet.

My poor guy got the Laurance treatment, with both of them being very important characters in Diaries, but being pretty much tossed to the side in Mystreet. At least Laurance shows up in more than one season of the main series, because Vylad only gets four episodes in Mystreet, (with three of them being solely Ro’meave centered episodes that he takes a smaller role in) and in those four Big Vylad Return Episodes, he doesn’t show up much without his brothers and ends up taking the back seat again as the main plot is taken up by Aphmau and Zane fake dating to please Zianna.

You’ll never guess what he does in Pheonix Drop High. He gets introduced to us, befriends Travis and Aphmau, and is then never seen without one of his brothers again until Mystreet, in which he gets like, 8 minutes of screen time away from them over the course of two episodes until the main arc plot.

Yes, I did infact watch all of the episodes Vylad is in and roughly calculated the amount of time that he was in each episode, even if he wasn’t talking. I would move mountains for this man.

When I watched Mcd for the first time, I had high hopes for him (and by that extension, poor Laurance) in Mystreet during my rewatch, because I hadn’t watched it in years, unless you count dubbing over s4 with my friends. Yay! Vylad finally shows up! Aaand now he’s gone. With no mention of where he went. And we are left to assume he’s traveling the world again. The next time he is ever mentioned is s4, by Garroth, once. And then radio static once more. I’m pretty sure at some point in s5 Zianna brings him up while talking to Zane but I can’t remember.

Vylad had so much goddamn potential in Mystreet. Affair baby? Canonically Pansexual? Tense relationship with his family? Usually keeps off the radar? Acts completely different from his Mcd counterpart? “Child Prodigy”?

They could have done so much more with him and it makes me so sad that he’s basically just a cameo character to please old Mcd fans and make them say “oh my god! Vylad! From Mcd!”. Yes, it did infact please me, but we get so little of him until he’s gone.

They could have removed him from the plot of Mystreet entirely and it wouldn’t change much. The whole Zanemau fake dating story never really goes anywhere, and thats all we see of him other than Pdh, where he is also neglected as a character, though not as much.

It’s not even the fact that they brought him back from Pdh and then did nothing with him. Thats what they did with Ein, and it worked flawlessly. Its the fact that they brought him back just to show us that “hey guys look it’s Vylad that guy from Mcd and like 5 episodes of Pdh!!”

You know what they could have done instead. Removed Kim from the plot and inserted Vylad instead. She showed up just as a plot point to get possessed. It also would have made Emmalyn a bit less weird in her re-introduction, because if Vylad was obsessing over Zane it would have been weird as hell and they wouldn’t have written that.

I would have watched tf out of an Emerald Secret where Vylad was in town visiting his parents and gets dragged by Garroth to help renovate a new property his parents bought, only for him to

A) get possessed and start acting strange, probably suspiciously glaring at Zane and Aphmau,

B) watch as Zane also starts acting weird, and doesn’t remember himself OR Garroth,

C) Witness as everything goes downhill, probably getting locked in the other jail cell with Garroth (LIKE IN THE BLOOPER REEL) and fleeing back to the cabin to try and get help from literally anyone while Garroth tries to save Aaron and the others, and

D) getting invited to Starlight by the Lycans, where we learn more and more about both Vylad AND Emmalyn, as she starts to recover her memories and tells Vylad about a man quite like him in looks from the past.

We could have gotten more of his relationships with the other characters, like him and Lucinda both gladly breaking into the place where Travis is staying, Not Alone Buddies interactions, his interactions with his brothers now that they’ve all been through A Lot, reacting to Aphmau’s engagement, him watching the other guys as they all fail to pull in amusement, commenting on just how much Travis has changed since high school, his reaction to Garroth getting zapped into a werewolf, an awkward interaction with Garte, the GF invasion, getting used to passing out all the time, missing his old travels and regretting ever going to the lodge, Garroth getting mind controlled, Aphmau’s sudden death, and the burden of both contributing to the possession of Travis, and the responsibility of helping to kill his father.

DO YOU KNOW HOW HAPPY THAT WOULD HAVE MADE ME 😭

plz bring Vylad back s7 🙏🙏🙏

[nipuni]

OHHHHHHHHH MY GOD ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'LL NEVER BE THE SAME AFTER THIS!!!!!! THIS ENDING?? THIS WHOLE EVERYTHING!!!!! WHERE DO I EVEN START I'M SO STUNNED!!!! WHAT!!!!!

"The end of time" was the most incredible ending I could have asked for!!! We finished watching it all at 3am last night and we spent all of today yelling about it, I can't believe just how good this was!!! I'm so glad we've never watched this show before while this was airing so that we get to watch it all fresh for the first time because we are having the time of our lives now

It was completely devastating and so so inspiring, just exactly how I was hoping for it to be, I already want to rewatch S1 to S4 all over again 😭 the sheer comfort I get from the character of the doctor is insane, I've never rooted for a character so hard and wholeheartedly in my life, he really is the most wonderful being in the universe I'm in tears I'm Wilfred rn what the fuck man I'll never recover from this!!! I feel like a ten year old kid with a new superhero GOD IT WAS ALL SO GOOD I CAN'T ARTICULATE I'd yell about each scene but I'm aware that pretty much everyone has watched this ages ago so you know and I still wouldn't want to spoil anyone that hasn't just in case because going into this unspoiled and knowing nothing about it has been the most satisfying experience ever and I hope more people get to have it too!!! please if you haven't watched this before go do that!! and if you have and it's been a while do it again!!! the acting?? INSANE!! the writing!! incredible!! I have only good things to say!!! I only wish we had 1000 more seasons with RTD and David Tennant I really love this man, I'm so sad to see him go!!! and so happy to get him back for the 60 special!!

When we got to the last episodes of season 4 I was expecting pain and instead I got an unexpected fix-it device that was rather strange but cute so I was somewhat relieved and confused, then the holidays specials were pretty standard and lighthearted AND THEN THE WATERS OF MARS? INSANE EPISODE, I loved it so much, that whole part at the end FANTASTIC they went there and I LOVE them for it!! another favourite episode for sure, and THEN THE END OF TIME?? by this point Nicolas and I were twisted into a single pretzel on the couch bracing ourselves, it went from extremely intense to SO FUNNY to heartbreaking and just...amazing!!! AAAAAA anyway!! I had to get all that out of my system, now onwards to S5!!! I'm curious to meet Matt Smith's doctor 😊

[rise-my-angel]

i agree with your last post wayyyy too much. i can’t do jon snow haters or people who say that dany had every right to burn down kings landing because they k!lled her best friend. okay??? what about the thousands of innocents. she had a whole army, she could have just gone for cersei or been an actual leader and not taken revenge on her own ‘people’. like??? also if you support jamie lannister being a king slayer and k!lling aerys to save thousands of lives (which ill assume most of the fandom does) then jon did the exact same thing. yes they both ‘betrayed’ people they served but it saved thousands of lives.

my only argument in dany’s defense is she should have never gone ‘mad’. the writers should have never made her get on dragon back and burn down an entire city, but since she did, then she has got to GO.

The thing is, is that the burning of Kings Landing has been a LONG existing prediction by book readers of what Dany will do once she reaches Westeros. It has been theorized for YEARS before Benioff and Weiss were likely ever told about the books planned ending beats.

But, it won't be because she's mad. It will be a calculated move on purpose, no madness, just self righteous justification that because they didn't want her as Queen, they should die.

In the show, Dany has posed this multiple times. Dany in the show over the years does NOT hesitate to say she wants to burn cities to the ground, make her enemies die screaming, and has routinely posed situations where her options are literally bend the knee or die.

For example, this is a snippet of dialouge from season 8 after she burned Kings Landing and one million people with it.

Jon: "What about everyone else? All the other people who think they know what's good." Dany: "They don't get to choose."

This sounds extremely like something Dany says to Jorah in season 4 when he informs her that the masters have disregarded her laws almost as soon as she left Yunkai.

Dany: "He will tell the masters what has happened in Meereen. He will explain the choice they have before them. They can live in my new world or they can die in their old one."

This is the exact same scenario. You either live in Dany's world exactly as she dictates it, or you die.

There is no actual choice she is giving the masters, it is her way or death. Exactly like she plans to do to the rest of Westeros. Season 8 was not out of character.

Jorah says in this very scene that it is tempting to always see your opposition as evil, but that by always treating those who oppose you as such, it is the good and innocent who will get caught in the crossfire, and she says that she has no interest in entertaining what other people think is good and evil, she does as she sees fit.

One Barristan dies, she leads whats left of the leaders of noble houses to where her dragons are locked away, and lets one burn a man alive with abosutely no proof these men had anything to do with it as a threat that she will do the same to them. Again, with no proof that the masters or noble houses of Mereen have ANY relation to the Sons of the Harpy.

Upon a rewatch, one will find Dany says a LOT of very concerning things that foreshadow whats to come. This is going to happen, this was always going to happen. Dany was not going to burn the Red Keep, because thats the castle her family built with the throne her family created. Its the symbol of everything she wants and thinks she's entitled too.

But the people? These people who in the show and likely books, will not see kindly to this foreign occupier who uses her dragons to scare people into submission and will not yeild their Queen or King to her? Well, they are in her way. They refuse to join her new world, so they die in their old one. She doesn't need the people of one city to take the throne as long as theres still a throne to sit upon.

Dany routinely sees evil in her enemies with no grey area. Jon, otherwise is a man who looked his enemy in the eye (lord commander of the nights watch who betrayed them as a spy up against the wildlings he spied on and defeated in battle), and said (paraphrasing) "We don't have to be friends, but you, your children, and your children's children all deserve to survive. Let me protect you."

When everyone hated him for it. But he did it because it was the right thing to do. Jon has always given men at their worst chances at redemption. Thats what the Nights Watch is, so many of them were criminals, murderers, rapists, but Jon lets them prove they are better then their worst parts and only punishes with due justice when they commit the re offending behavior. Jon doesn't kill Karl Tanner in a brutal way beacuse he likes it, he only killed him like that when his back was turned, because Karl was about to kill the innocent girl who helped Jon by stabbing Karl in the back when he had Jon pinned.

Dany has no right to burn down Kings Landing, there is no excuse for it. But she will not beacuse she is forced too, or by accident, or through madness. No, it will be a calculated, purposeful decision that she will choose to do this, because thats how she has chosen to commit every atrocity she's ever done, which when you tally it up, is shocking and disturbingly high.

It was a massacre of extreme proportions that she was proud of. Wheras Jon felt extreme guilt for not saving every free folk when the army of the dead massacred Hardhome, when that was completely out of his control or power, and when he still in fact, saved over 5000 lives of what was supposed to be his greatest enemy.

The completely unbelievable joke of a romance aside, the Jon we know would not have hesitated to kill her. That is one million lives she murdered in the most brutal fashion because she didn't get what she wanted.

But we know why Jon would want to kill her for it, beacuse she answered the very question he posed in season five in the most terrifying way possible.

Jon: "Isn't their survival more important than your pride?"

Dany said no, and massacred the very same people Jon has been trying to save for years. I was being factious when I said Jon should've killed her harder, but it's still true. Dany in the show became exactly what the books are leading up to. But people were tricked through the framing that beacuse Dany thinks shes the world's main character, that she's always in the right, when she very often isn't.

It was always coming, and it was never out of character, beacuse Dany was always this way. At the burning of Kings Landing, she finally just allowed herself to be honest about it.

Jon was right to kill her for committing the exact mass slaughter that Jaime killed Aerys II for being about to commit.

The Targaryeans are fire and blood, and they paid the price for it.

[woodlaflababab]

Rewatched The Awakening and having some Thoughts™

First, Katara, my baby, not me literally crying during my break in the backroom at work bc she's just so strong and so hurt and so brave. Her conversation with her dad will never not break me. I hate that Katara has ever gotten heat for actually being open to discussing her pain. My girl is brave and strong and lovely and the boys aint got shit on her.

I love the realism of this conflict. I love the way she so clearly lays it out and understands herself but is so lost on how to go forward which like, FAIR. The contrast of how excited she was for any news on her father in the Bato episode, to this, is just heartbreaking. She deserves a good reunion and yet because of the war, her family has been ripped apart and even when it comes back together she still carries those scars.

Second, how anyone can reach season three and watch this episode and still think Aang is a one note character or still the same childish figure he was before. He also breaks my heart in this episode. The adultification is wild, it's hard to watch him here and remember, this is a kid, a 13 yr old. It's someone who's experienced death, who feels the weight of the literal world on his shoulders, who's failure means losing an entire war, and he's so broken over it and it's like, No, Aang, honey, please. Have some grace for yourself.

Him in the water just, accepting death for the second time is so morbid and so sad. He's just ready to give up. Truely his lowest point. And going from his hurt at the mere idea of having to cover his arrow, to him literally burning his glider, which can never be replaced, like, how much more can he lose. He really has sacrificed everything for this war and yes I will sit here and cry about it thank you very much.

Third: speaking of these two, I think my favorite scene in the whole episode is unironically the one where she snaps at her dad and Hakoda walks away and Aang's like, "Are you mad at your dad?" All concerned and she's just "No, why?" And Aang's face kills me it's hilarious. Like, good job Aang, that was the correct answer. Him being like, something is clearly wrong and she clearly is also not ready to face it so he just shrugs and is just like, sure, okay.

Honestly, the whole interaction makes me laugh. The way Aang looks up at Hakoda like, oh yeah, the father of the two most important people in my life, the one they almost left me for, and also a world leader and so someone important to the position of the avatar. Ah. And then Katara seems to be mad at him and Aang's just, he just woke up from a coma, ksnfmsnfnd, he is not equipped to deal with this rn but he does it anyway.

Just, ugh, that second he stares at Katara before shrugging cracks me up so much, you can so clearly read what's going through his mind.

Anyway, I think this is genuinely one of my favorite episodes, I will always be a Book 3 stan.

[waitmyturtles]

SOME GOOD SHOWS THAT I LIKED IN 2023! (AND SOME THAT I DIDN'T)

I watched A LOT of stuff that did not originally air in 2023 by dint of my Old GMMTV Challenge. This list is inclusive of this recognition!

THE BEST SHOW I WATCHED THIS YEAR: HE'S COMING TO ME

I have no other words: this is my favorite Thai BL of all time. Perfect length, perfect plot, perfect celebration of Thai culture, perfect acting, the greatest coming out scene of all time, the BEST of the best BL moms. Perfection.

THE OTHER BEST SHOW I WATCHED THIS YEAR: BAD BUDDY

I don't even want to think about how many words I've written on Bad Buddy this year, but they're well deserved for this REMARKABLE show. I've got a thing for shows by Aof Noppharnach that feature Ohm Pawat, what can I say!

THE MOST INFLUENTIAL SHOW(S) I WATCHED THIS YEAR: LOVE SICK AND SOTUS

The influence of Love Sick and SOTUS can be seen in SO MANY Thai BLs, even through today. Without having watched these two shows to start my OGMMTVC project, I wouldn't have the context for what later shows like Bad Buddy and Theory of Love were commenting on by way of their content and structures. Love Sick in particular was a HELL of a lift -- but I am damn glad I watched it, and I certainly feel nostalgia for it today.

Honorable mentions of influential pieces that had impacts on Thai BLs: Love of Siam and Dew the Movie

MY OTHER FAVORITE OLD SHOWS I WATCHED: UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN AND THEORY OF LOVE

BANGERS!!!

If New Siwaj ever tops Until We Meet Again, I'll fly to Bangkok and give him a gold medal. That long-ass show, 17 EPISODES, I WANTED MORE! OhmFluke's chemistry was great, the story delved SO deeply into historical homophobia and how culture and acceptance changes over time -- scrumptious. Theory of Love, man, the way this show ate up implicit compassion bias and gave it right back to us. I loved it. KHAI FOREVER!

THE BEST SHOW I WATCHED THAT ACTUALLY AIRED IN 2023: MOONLIGHT CHICKEN

Not only was Moonlight Chicken my first real live fandom experience on Tumblr, it was a hell of an amazing show, incorporating so much of what I love particularly about Thai BLs, and how many Thai BLs do not shy away from celebrating Asian cultural touchpoints. From exploring Jim's internalized homophobia by way of his rural upbringing, to juxtaposing Pattaya's spiritual symbols with growing development that upends older strains of local culture, Moonlight Chicken offered a lovely commentary on what it means to be queer in an ever-changing Thailand.

THE OTHER BEST SHOW I WATCHED THAT ACTUALLY AIRED IN 2023: WHAT DID YOU EAT YESTERDAY?/KINOU NANI TABETA? SEASON 2

BRILLIANTLY ACTED by literally the best actors in the Asian BL game: we are blessed that Nishijima Hidetoshi and Uchino Seiyou have given so much to this franchise. It's hard to write about this show because it's so perfect -- it needs no extraneous words. Plot, pacing, acting, character development, gratuitous food shots. It has it all.

THE OTHER OTHER BEST SHOW I WATCHED THAT ACTUALLY AIRED IN 2023: I CANNOT REACH YOU

Just like Bad Buddy looked at Thai BL tropes in the eye and said, "over my Nong Nao," I Cannot Reach You asked Japanese BLs about the efficacy of almost every trope we've gotten used to, and questioned them with efficiency. The biggest shocker for me? REAL COMMUNICATION, encouraged by the CIPHER, Hosaka, that allowed the two lead protagonists to confirm their love and understand each other. It was straightforward and FUCKING GOOD.

A SHOW THAT AIRED IN 2023 THAT I HAVEN'T WRITTEN ABOUT YET, THAT I NEED TO REWATCH IN CHRONOLOGY, THAT ALSO DID SOME TROPE/GENRE ASS-KICKING THAT I'M STILL THINKING ABOUT: LA PLUIE

La Pluie was FEARLESS. The show had a LOT to say about romance and soulmates not being as much of a realistic thing as content-makers... and, frankly, majority society would like us to think. La Pluie made its characters WORK for love and understanding, and had us viewers face our implicit biases about how romantic content should and could work. I watched this show out of order of the OGMMTVC watchlist to see it it was one of the best of the year, and it certainly is. I'm planning a deep rewatch for early 2024 to pen my words on it.

A SHOW THAT ALMOST TOPPED MY 2023 LIST BUT GOT DOCKED BECAUSE I ENDED UP LIKING THE NOVEL A LOT BETTER: I FEEL YOU LINGER IN THE AIR

@neuroticbookworm and @lurkingshan know that I flipped THA FUCK out over this show -- FABULOUSLY acted by Nonkul Chanon and Bright Rapheephong, FABULOUS cinematography, great story up until the end of the series. My fangirling led me to read the original novel by Violet Rain, and -- I found out that Jom was a lot more damn sassy than we got in the show! Tee Bundit's penchant for sadness won. This is not to dock the show, but the novel had more than enough material to carry the series through without repeating themes in the end. So it fell on my 2023 list, womp womp. BUT I STILL LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS SHOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG.

TWO SHOWS THAT I'M SUPER GLAD I CAUGHT UP WITH WHILE THEY WERE AIRING: THE EIGHTH SENSE AND BE MY FAVORITE

Be My Favorite looked at Krist Perawat's checkered past as a BL idol and said: we are going to examine this and make an honest BL out of inspiration from it. It wasn't a perfect show, the time travel shit didn't end up adding up in the end, BUT -- excellent acting from two GMMTV VETS made up for those tangles, and I loved the contextual philosophical references throughout the series. The Eighth Sense looked at the tug-of-war that Korean BLs have with K-dramas and their tropes and said, actually? We will have these dudes full-frontal kiss, and placed that energy against commentaries on mental health, both topics that Korea hasn't quite embraced as quickly as other countries.

HONORABLE MENTIONS OF OTHER AWESOME SHOWS THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE AIRED IN 2023

Make It Right, Our Dating Sim, Dark Blue Kiss, Gay OK Bangkok, Dirty Laundry, 10 Years Ticket, I Told Sunset About You, I Promised You the Moon, 3 Will Be Free, Lovely Writer (underrated?!), Our Skyy 2 x Bad Buddy x A Tale of Thousand Stars (UNDERRATED!), and Manner of Death.

And the shows that are airing that I know will stay with me well into 2024: Last Twilight and Cherry Magic Thailand.

I had fun!

WHAT ELSE, WHAT ELSE: THE "NO" SHOWS: THE PROMISE AND STEP BY STEP

I'm not even hyperlinking my thoughts on these shows, nor gifting them with gifs. Insert Bugs Bunny NOOOOOO gif here! We got Man Trisanu, though.

THE SHOW I WAS THE MOST OBVIOUSLY DISAPPOINTED BY: ONLY FRIENDS

Despite my passionate disappointment for this show and how it ended: in the context of the OGMMTVC, Only Friends is still an incredibly important inclusion to the list. Some amazing Tumblr bloggers offered commentary that the bias against sex that OF contained within the show was actually importantly and culturally contextual to the still-conservative state of acceptance that Thailand is currently in (here and here for more reading).

Only Friends reminded us that despite any kind of marketing that we here on Tumblr, as a majority non-Thai audience, may receive about a Thai show -- that we are still not fully plugged into the non-verbal expectations of what a show like OF could promise to do, and to be okay when it doesn't reach those heights. In light of the seemingly pro-sex marketing blasts that previewed the series before its airing, OF ultimately seemed to want to take casual sex, chew it up, and spit it out. There might be reasons why that happened that we just don't know about as outsiders to Thailand. But as an Asian-American viewer that was hoping for neutral -- and maybe even supportive -- commentary on single folks having casual sex without judgement, OF did not deliver for me.

I'm ending the year reading Dr. Thomas Baudinette's book, Boys Love Media in Thailand, the first book-length ethnographic study on the impact of BL on queerness, media, and more in Thailand and across Asia. Baudinette comes from the world of Japanese queer media studies -- as someone who came to Thai BLs this year from Japanese BLs, I appreciate his trajectory. It's clearly a necessity for me to read this book in the context of the OGMMTVC, to understand how Thai BLs have changed over time, and to understand the incredibly larger impact of heterosexual/heteronormative media and themes on Thai media as a whole, as larger and larger swaths of Thai, Asian, and international societies welcome and watch BLs with open arms.

All of this feeds into my ever-growing body of knowledge about the impact of Thai BLs, both in Thailand and across Asia, as Baudinette writes about, and how these shows have and are developed/developing over time. It's been an AMAZING YEAR of watching old and new dramas for me, and I'm looking forward to seeing how the genre grows even more in 2024.

I also made AMAZING FRIENDS on Tumblr -- y'all know who you are! What a year of growth and discovery for me: this has been a fabulous experience, and I'm looking forward to even more growth in the new year!

[marvel-starwarsfangirl]

TBB Mini Retrospective

After my first official rewatch of the entire show, TBB is still one of the best things Star Wars has ever created imo. I LOVE TBB and it's easily one of my favorite piece of media. Alongside CW and Rebels, it's my favorite thing from SW. Tbf, I've always loved the animated shows more than the live-action stuff. I still love the movies, but the animated shows always seem to hit me just right in the feels.

When I look back, there are so many episodes I have a deeper appreciation for and there is literally no filler. Every episode serves a purpose. While the content might not be as exciting as any episode where Cross shows up, there is still a reason for its existence. "Metamorphosis" is definitely one of my personal favorites on rewatch. I honestly think looking at the first two seasons now vs back then makes them more enjoyable for me. It's nice to catch the little references, musical leitmotifs, and rest assured knowing that Crosshair will be ok.

Speaking of the characters, this rewatch has made me love them even more. I love the Batch so so much and I will never stop saying that. Crosshair is singlehandedly (no pun intended) one of the greatest SW characters ever in recent years. He has a beautifully realized redemption arc and I'm forever thankful for it. Seeing Omega grow up from a tiny munchkin to a lovely young woman also hits my feels. And Tech. I miss him so much. I had much deeper appreciation for Echo's journey as well and I wish we got more of it. Wrecker is ever the gentle giant and I admit I've gotten along better with Hunter than in previous rewatches of the first two seasons (this was prior to S3's release).

Overall, TBB still stands strong. Compared to Rebels and CW, it's much more serialized but I don't think that's a bad thing. There is a lot of story being told and I wish we got more time to delve into it. I loved exploring how the galaxy changed post Order 66. I loved seeing old and new faces. I loved learning more about the clones' story. I loved the music and animation. Most importantly, I just loved being CF99. They have a fun dynamic and they will always be my fave SW family.

The one major, glaring flaw with this show, however, is how Tech's death was handled. I still have no words, only tears, and I hope the Domestic Batch held a memorial for him off-screen after the finale. This show has other flaws, but this one stands out to me the most and has the biggest impact on my viewing.

[greenbergsays]

I started rewatching Leverage again, because...I have a problem, obviously (what is this, the third time in like six months???)

And if I had to give you ONE criticism of Leverage--and it would be difficult, because I love it so--but if I had to give you ONE, it would Eliot and his background

I've had a problem with the Leverage: Redemption episode on Eliot's father since I saw it but I didn't realize HOW big of a problem I had with it until I watched the show again after seeing it

Because all of the early seasons set Eliot up to have an abusive father. The almost-stereotypical drunken redneck white dad that ignores you until you've done something wrong kind of thing. The kind of pathetic father figure that expects to mooch of you for the rest of your life, because he raised you, damn it.

And then they retconned it

Now, I know what you're thinking

"Des," you say. "Why would you want him to have that kind of background?"

I don't, really. But every little hint we get of his background points toward that

Actually, if you want me to be totally honest, some of the stuff he says kind of hints at him having some sort of sibling figure, too

02x02: The Tap Out Job, Eliot says, "I can take the beating."

And those words have weight. They have meaning. Eliot is thinking of something very specific when he says it, and it's not new. It's an ancient hurt, an old scar that still throbs when he thinks too hard on it.

But that, more than anything, those words hint that Eliot's been a Protector Role his whole life, shielding others from harm.

That kind of background would also explain why he got his hands dirty early on, because when you're in that kind of pain, you cause other people pain before you realize--if you ever do--that you've become the monster in someone else's story and you don't want to be that, so you change. You can't take back what you've done and it haunts you, but you try to do better.

All of this would explain the huge fight Eliot and his father got into the night before he went to basic and why he never went back

I don't really have a point to this post, it's just something I've had in my head the last couple of rewatches and I figured it wouldn't go away until I got it out of my system

[mylittleredgirl]

m*a*s*h reaction post released from my drafts!! i don't know why i have been worried about making a Good Post when legitimately everything that could ever be said about this show has been said.

so i will SHARE MY THOUGHTS ABOUT SEASON THREE currently in progress:

ooooh war got a sweet budget increase in the off-season. pyrotechnics! helicopters! ACTIONNN BAYBEEEE

i'm falling more in love with everyone, details to follow

top of the list: trapper my bestie has been promoted to trapper my legit fictional crush 💕

don't get me wrong, in real life i would slap his face, but i'm with hot lips on this one. the hair, the smile, every time he takes off his shirt... take me to the supply tent or lose me forever

HOWEVER, i happened to notice that he is not on the header pic on hulu* and none of you talk about him so i must regretfully conclude that he will eventually leave the show

DON'T TELL ME WHEN

anyway i am cherishing him as one cherishes an old dog not long for this world

*speaking of hulu: i have now joined the henry blake appreciation society thanks to this One Weird Trick (reupping my hulu account for a month because i lost my shit after the dvds cut out at the climax of an episode AGAIN)

i went back to rewatch the episodes that didn't play on the dvds, and turns out a lot of them were henry eps (including the trial of henry blake and the one where he is waiting for news about his new baby...) (and also the one where he fell in love with a cheerleader but you can’t win ‘em all)

just in time to appreciate that scene in "o.r." where he tells hawkeye he doesn't want to be discharged so that he can keep doing real doctoring 🥺

"o.r." had so many good character bits!! even frank got some depth?? or at least an explanation for why he's Like That...

other eps i liked:

"iron guts kelly" -- felt like a follow-up to the one last season where hot lips got wasted and broke up with frank and then hawkeye and trapper had to sober her up, which i also loved! "we hate her but she's OURS to hate" is such a good character dynamic.

also lmao every time she cheats on frank, GET YOURS GIRL 😘

the frank/margaret thing is strangely compelling actually? it's like an inverse ship for real. will-they-or-won't-they but for breaking up. same energy though, like i'm glued to the screen rooting for them to fight instead of kiss.

"check-up" i was sooooo brave you guys making peace with the situation BUT THEN TRAPPER STAYED!!! i feel like my crush has been given a stay of execution

i don't know if i ship it per se but i really hope he and margaret hook up exactly once and literally everyone regrets it

i've seen some more episodes and have more thoughts but i need to lie down a lot first

oh one more thing:

i realize "m*a*s*h actors amazing" is not breaking news, but i'm specifically obsessed right now with how they are always interacting with props. i don't even mean the o.r. tools or scripted things, but how in every scene they're doing comedy while also moving crap around, pouring things, drinking, shaving, changing clothes, handing (or THROWING) things to each other, just making a mess all the time while still hitting their lines and comic beats. it's a master class in whatever that is.

anyway it's so good!!! more to come 💕

[captainjunglegym]

WIP Wednesday - 10/04/2024

Hello! So i'm balls deep in og 911 atm. I've already seen seasons 1 - 4 but I'm rewatching so I can power through and be all caught up to season 7 soon.

Anyways I have been tagged by @onthewaytosomewhere @getmehighonmagic @firenati0n and @wordsofhoneydew thanks my buddies <3

I have a new silly wip I'm working on. I do have other things that are cooking but you've heard it all before so have this:

Alex works at a hotel to put himself through law school. After spending so much time at the hotel he's become somewhat of a serial wedding crasher. One day he crashes the wedding of an odd but adorable couple, George and James. Unfortunately, George's twin, Henry, catches him in the act but seems rather amused by it all.

The couple seem a bit mismatched. One man, wearing a dark green velvet tuxedo jacket that looks as expensive as it does soft, is older and red-headed. He’s sexy in the way that Alex can tell beneath his tux he’s got a strong muscled body. He’s looking at his young new husband with something akin to utter adoration. The other groom is a lot younger. Possibly in his mid-twenties as opposed to the other’s possible fifties. He’s probably the most beautiful man Alex has ever seen in his life. He’s got dark brown hair that contrasts against his porcelain skin, and the poutiest pink lips. He looks like a living doll. Alex watches them sway with one another on the dance floor as he piles more food onto his plate. They're completely enraptured by each other. Is he jealous? Maybe. He doesn’t really want to marry an old man though, even if this particular old man is quite fuckable. “Hello,” a smooth voice says next to him. Alex doesn’t look away, not really wanting to invite conversation with eye contact. Not while he's technically stealing. “Hey.” “I’ve not seen you before,” the man continues. He’s got the same crisp English accent as many of the other guests. “Are you here for George or James?” Alex winces internally but feigns nonchalance as he continues to shovel various foods onto his increasingly full plate. He hates this question and has no idea which is George and which is James and what the correct answer will be. “Uhhhh George. Yeah George, me and him go way back, you know? We’re practically brothers.” The man huffs out a laugh and Alex chances a look at him. He double-takes. The man next to him is just as gorgeous as the younger groom. Mainly because he’s identical to him, save for the blonde hair. “I’m Henry,” the man says, amused. “I’m George’s twin and the best man.” Oh fuck.

No pressure tags under cut + also open tag as always

@bigassbowlingballhead @anincompletelist @nocoastposts @sunnysideprince @eusuntgratie @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @violetbaudelaire-quagmire @sparklepocalypse @happiness-of-the-pursuit @magicandarchery @cactusdragon517 and anyone else who wants a go

[andreal831]

What are your top 5 episodes on both TO and TVD?

This took me some time to put together but if you push me on any of these, I'll probably cave. I haven't rewatched in a while and I feel like I would have to sit down and actually rank them to get a list I feel confident in. A lot of my favorite scenes aren't even in this list because the rest of the episode just doesn't rank high for me. But without further ado, here is my tentative top episode list.

Top 5 Episodes for TVD

5. 1x22 - Founder's Day

Despite how problematic the 'Founder's Day' was (like how they completely disregarded the actual founders. Justice for the Bennetts), Katherine's entrance was done so well. The revelation was a great twist and I love watching people watch this episode for the first time.

It's not higher because everything else was kind of just a normal episode. I love at this point we are getting glimpses of how powerful Bonnie is and Stefan's devotion to Damon. It also begins to build on the mystery of Tyler which was fun. But other than that, it was just a lot of high school drama. Katherine's entrance really made this episode.

This is one that I would probably replace if I rewatched.

4. 6x21 - I'll Wed You In the Summertime /6x22 - I'm Thinking of You All the While

I'm already cheating and combing these episodes, but they are basically just a continuation.

I want to preface this with saying, I hate Matthew Davis more than I can express. I also don't think I like Alaric much in the later seasons. But I did really like him and Jo. This episode was so cute and light and fun. Up until it wasn't in true TVDU fashion.

I loved seeing season 1 Elena again. I will always defend Elena when people get misogynistic with her, but vampire Elena was not my favorite. When she took the cure, I felt like we got the old Elena back. If they hadn't of done that, I probably wouldn't have been sad to see her leave.

We got some really touching moments between Elena, Bonnie, and Caroline, with them getting ready and their goodbye. Bonnie and the feathers had me in tears the first time I watched this episode. We get Stefan torturing Damon with the fact that Damon loves being a vampire, sorry but I loved it. Caroline and Tyler actually talking as friends. Tyler and Liv making me sob. Stefan and Caroline moment. Kai's reappearance was terrible but pretty epic. Bonnie just being an amazing badass. Just all of the chaos was great and Damon faking us out thinking he wouldn't save Bonnie but then ultimately doing so.

My biggest complaint was that Bonnie was so separate from everyone, dealing with Lily with just Matt for back up. Though I do love a good Bonnie/Matt team up.

3. 3x05 - The Reckoning

Surprisingly, this was the first episode I ever saw of the TVDU. I was at a family member's home for a holiday and they had it on and I was hooked. Not only did I love the friendship dynamics in this episode, but the villains were so good. Klaus and Rebekah were unhinged in this episode. It was a great introduction to the best aspects of TVDU.

Stefan fighting the compulsion for Elena is one of the reasons I'll always have a soft spot for Stelena. I loved Matt and Bonnie's friendship in this episode. They were both such selfless people and I loved moments we got of them together. I don't typically like Damon and Katherine, but even their interactions were so funny in this episode.

2. 4x20 - The Originals

Is this cheating?

I always get so excited when I get to this episode because it's time to switch over to The Originals. But come on, we get to meet Cami and Marcel. We get haylijah and klamille's meeting.

It is weird that I almost like it more than the pilot of TO? Just purely for the nostalgia. Also because the pilot removed some of my favorite scenes that I always forget aren't there until I rewatch TO and then i have to go find wherever TVD is streaming.

And then stuff is still happening back in Mystic Falls, I guess.

I could probably also replace this one on a rewatch with a more TVD focused episode but I can't think of any right now.

2x08 - Rose

No one is surprised this one tops the list. Not only is it the introduction of the Originals, but more importantly it's Elijah's introduction. I know I am biased, but this is my favorite episode in TVD and usually the one I start with on rewatches.

I also love Rose and Trevor (RIP). But the tension in this episode is so good and the show struggled to recreate it. They built up Klaus' entrance so much that it was kind of disappointing. Nothing could live up to the hype. But Elijah came out of nowhere. We didn't even know he existed before this episode. He just shows up, all creepy and mysterious, and then just casually comes back to life after being staked in the heart.

I wouldn't change a thing about this episode.

Top 5 Episodes for TO

5. 3x09 - Savior

I'm a sucker for a Christmas episode.

But let's be honest, this is one of the best TO episodes.

We get the trio's reunion, if only briefly. We get Rebekah going mad and trying to kill everyone while dropping some hard to hear truths (sorry Hayley). We get Jackson starting to accept his in-laws. Cute scenes between the Mikaelsons, actually including Hope. Finn helping Freya save their siblings. Freya's first Christmas with her family. Klamille's first kiss. Plus a bunch of drama in the background.

One of my biggest complaints with TO is that it doesn't give us moments of just peace and let them be a family. It is so action packed that we never get to just have a comfort episode. It only took them 3 seasons, but we finally got one (mostly). I mean it ended terribly but I just stop watching before that.

4. 2x01 - Rebirth

This is just Elijah's best episode hands down. And yes I am making this list about Elijah. It's kind of what I do here.

But seriously, he looked so good in this episode and was just so perfect.

I had no idea what to expect out of this episode since season 1 ended with so much up in the air and this episode delivered. So much happened. Elijah being the mastermind while Klaus and Hayley grieved losing Hope. Then them all working together as a team for the first time. And I'd be remis if I don't talk about Elijah's infamous scene of walking into the Guerreras house like he owned it. Also love them trusting Cami to help. Marcel is also in on it. I just love them all working together.

Getting to see Rebekah raising Hope. Marcel and Cami just being hot. But also Cami going to check on Klaus, that scene, the tension. So good. Cami and Elijah talking and then Elijah and Klaus talking about Cami. Perfection. Davina putting Oliver in his place. And then Hayley later doing the same. The introduction of Gia. Even the tension between Elijah and Hayley is so good. I could truly feel all of their grief and desperation. I also love Klaus and Hayley actually talking and Klaus realizing that his scheming is what cost them everything (although he will quickly forget this lesson).

It's another perfect episode. No notes.

3. 4x03 - Haunter of Ruins

I'm honestly surprised an episode from season 4 or 5 is even on this list, but I do love this episode before everything goes to hell.

This episode was another comfort episode.

I clearly loved the amount of haylijah we get. We get our first "I love you" from both of them. Although I headcanon they said it before this. We get them just being super cute and flirty and then super hot. Hayley wearing Elijah's shirt when she runs to check on Hope is so perfect to me. I love the scene of them on the porch. They love each other so much and this episode does a great job expressing it.

We finally get the Mikaelsons all together, even Kol (sorry Finn). I love seeing them behave as siblings in the beginning, bickering. I love how they handled introducing Hope to them and how hesitant they all are, which is so out of character for them, but they have no idea how to interact with a child. Klaus and Hope was so sweet. And Rebekah finally standing up for what she wants and encouraging her brothers to do the same.

My only complaint is Freya and Keelin. I love them because this show is deprived of sapphic representation. But why did they have to make the only sapphic couple's origins be essentially stockholm syndrome. I loved Hayley standing up for Keelin but then Freya just immediately goes after her again. Only thing I would change is how Freya behaved in this episode.

2. 3x22 - The Bloody Crown

May be unpopular, but I loved seeing the Mikaelsons get put in their place. And then I loved Vincent standing on his morals and turning around and put Marcel in his place. Everyone needs accountability.

Marcel awakening as an upgraded Original was so good. We got the return of Rebekah in this episode and she was fantastic. I loved Klaus' trial and I loved Rebekah getting to stand with the enemies (even if it was just the curse/part of the plan). People love to say Klaus didn't deserve it because Marcel was really mad at Elijah, but all of these people were here specifically because of Klaus. They all needed some humbling. Except Rebekah.

I can't talk about this episode without talking about haylijah. The show opens on one of their cutest scenes (we aren't going to talk about the problematic stuff that happened in the episode before). Elijah watching Hayley sleep was adorable. And then we get the scene of Elijah telling Hayley to not grieve him. They break my heart.

2x09 - Map of the Moments

Not surprising, but another Christmas episode.

And no, it's not just because of hayllijah.

I mean, it's not not because of haylijah.

In case you can't tell, my favorite episodes tend to be the comfort episodes. I love the drama, but the reasons I adore these shows are because of bonds. We get to see the Mikaelsons reunite with Hope and actually have some moments of peace together.

There are so many scenes that made me actually laugh out loud. I just adore this episode so much. And yes, I love it because we finally get haylijah getting together, if only briefly.

This was such a fun ask, thank you! What episodes did I miss?

[toomuchracket]

happiness

my first fic for everyone's parasocial husband ross! that beautiful man RADIATES comfort and domesticity, and frankly it's a crime that there are like no fics of him as a dad on here, so that's what this is: ross and his wifey enjoying a chill day at home with their month-old daughter (featuring excited best friend matty, because it's funny and you're all rabid matty stans (mood, tbf)). also, spoiler alert for the season 2 finale of New Girl? enjoy!

stifling a yawn with your hoodie-covered fist, you pad into the kitchen of your house, the chill of the tiled floor noticeable even through your socks. ross, clad in a hoodie much like your (well, his) own, is fiddling about with the espresso machine you guys got as a wedding present from adam and carly. sunshine streams through the window and glints off the ring on his left hand, which makes your cheeks lift into a smile.

coming up behind your husband, you wrap your arms as best you can around his muscular torso, pressing your forehead to his back and inhaling his scent, a heady mix of sandalwood aftershave and laundry detergent from the hoodie. without turning around, ross takes your left hand in his and kisses it softly just below your wedding ring, then speaks. "she settled down ok, i take it?"

"went out like a light," you reply. "she is your daughter, after all."

ross chuckles, still busying himself with the coffee contraption. "not like her mother, fighting to stay awake despite exhaustion," he mocks, turning in your hold to look at you pointedly, although there's a playful sparkle in his dark eyes. ross passes you a steaming espresso cup - comically tiny in his massive hands - and plants another soft kiss on your forehead. "thought you might need that, my love."

you murmur a thank you and tip the contents of the cup into your mouth, wincing at the overwhelming initial combination of heat and bitterness. it softens into something pleasant as it travels down your throat, though, and you shiver as you feel the caffeine take effect.

ross, ever-attentive to your every move, places his hands on your waist, eyes scanning your face for any sign of discomfort. "you ok?"

"mhmm."

ross doesn't seem convinced. "you look exhausted, love. do you want another coffee? or a nap?"

you smirk as you place the empty cup onto the counter, bringing your hands up to rest on your husband's broad chest. "trying to get me into bed, mr macdonald?"

"always, mrs macdonald," ross quips back, his face softening and his grip on your waist relaxing. he leans down, you rise up on tiptoe, and your lips meet somewhere in the middle. despite the back-and-forth innuendo, there's no desire behind the kiss - well, none more than usual, when your husband looks as good as he does. it's tender, soft, romantic; just dreamy, really.

you open your eyes slowly as ross pulls his lips away from yours and trails them gently down towards your neck, smiling as his facial hair tickles your bare skin. he presses a soft kiss under your chin, then whispers in your ear. "d'you think we'll have time to watch an episode of new girl before bean wakes up?"

"god, domestic life really has changed you," you tease, stroking your husband's head as he nuzzles into you. "you used to sneak me away for quickies when we had any free time, and now you just want to watch sitcoms."

"it's your fault, bloody putting it on for a rewatch and getting me hooked," ross laughs. he begins pressing kisses into your neck; softly at first, then slightly more passionate, which makes your head spin a little. "but i'm more than happy to go back to the quickies as soon as we've been given the go-ahead to do so. always wanted to shag a milf, actually."

"easy, tiger," you giggle, pulling ross up to plant a quick kiss on his lips before leading him to the living room. "come on, let's see what jess and nick are up to today."

the two of you settle in your usual position on the couch; you perched sideways on ross' lap, his head resting on your chest, a soft tartan blanket covering you both. you control the remote, letting out a quiet whoop when you see that elaine's big day is today's episode. "oh, this is a good one!"

"you've said that about every episode so far."

"i know, but... shut up, and just watch."

ross chuckles, but does as he's told. you half-watch the episode (admittedly, you've seen it four times already) and half-watch him, smiling at his reactions; his quiet "aww" when schmidt sees cece in her wedding outfit, his cringes at nick and winston's antics, and - your favourite - his shocked gasp when elaine finally appears onscreen. "taylor swift?!"

his handsome face is so incredulous that you can't help but laugh. "told you it was a good episode."

"i can't believe they just revealed taylor swift like that," ross mutters, in obvious shock. his eyes widen, and he turns to face you. "wait, is this how the fans felt when we brought her out onstage at the o2 that time?"

you smile, opening your mouth to answer affirmatively; before you can, though, faint cries start to come through the baby monitor on the coffee table. clicking off the tv and throwing the blanket to one side, you and ross peel yourselves off the couch to stand. "well, we might not have made it through the whole episode" you begin, stretching slightly. "but at least bean had the good grace to wait until we'd seen taylor before she woke up and wanted attention."

ross laughs, grabbing your hand and tugging you towards the stairs. "prioritising taylor swift over her own needs? she's more like you than we thought."

you hit him gently on the arm. your daughter's cries increase in volume as you near her nursery, and even though you know she's alright the sound makes your heart ache. "it's alright, princess, we're coming!"

the two of you enter the sage-painted room and make a beeline for the crib, where your tiny girl whines and wriggles in discomfort. she stops crying as soon as ross gently lifts her up, cooing softly at her. "don't worry, bean, daddy's got you."

you caress the shock of dark hair on her little head, clearly inherited from her father; the big eyes she gazes at you sweetly with, though, are all yours. "do you need changing, princess? i think you do," you say, looking up at your husband. "do you want me to-"

"i've got her, love," ross replies, kissing your head as he carries the baby to her changing station. "will you grab me another outfit for her, though?"

"sure," you say, heading to the faded white wardrobe in the corner of the room as ross cleans up and babbles to your daughter ("for someone so tiny, you're quite good at being so stinky... but you're sooooo cute, you're just like mummy, she's cute too"), which makes your heart swell with love. you rifle through the - honestly excessive - collection of baby clothes hanging up neatly, until a black onesie with a familiar white decal on the front makes you stop in your tracks. perfect.

as you head back over to ross and the baby, anticipation of showing them your outfit pick growing with every step, the doorbell rings. ross and you lock eyes, confused; you hand him the onesie, without looking to see his reaction, and hurry downstairs to answer the door. nearing it, you can see a familiar mess of dark curls through the glass panes, which comes into focus as you open the door.

across the threshold, laden with a mixture of gift and shopping bags, stands an extremely tanned and beaming matty. "surprise!" he cries, ever the drama queen. "there she is, my new favourite milf!"

"eww, freak," you faux-grumble, pulling him as best you can into a hug while avoiding being bashed by his bags. "come in. how was louis' wedding?"

"well, you know my brother. it was full-on, but good," replies matty, following you into the hallway and putting his stuff down on the ground. "would've been better if someone hadn't stolen the limelight by going into labour the day of the rehearsal dinner, though. it was all anyone could talk about - everyone got off their flights into milan and immediately went 'did you hear baby macdonald's on the way?'. you couldn't have kept your legs shut for a few more days?"

you glare at matty for a few seconds, then the two of you break into snorts of laughter. aside from your literal husband, matty is the person in the band you're closest to; the two of you are best friends, a double act built on awful senses of humour and dubiously-fake pretentiousness, and he's the only person in the world who loves ross almost as much as you do.

when you stop laughing, matty places both hands on your shoulders and looks at you from arm's length-away. "nah, for real, you look well. i'm glad," he says, smiling earnestly at you and hugging you properly. he then claps his hands together once, a signifier of a change in conversation topic. "now - where's my best friend, and where's this new baba i've heard so much about?"

"in her room," you say as you nod towards the staircase. you begin to climb up, matty hot on your heels. his obvious excitement is quite touching, but you can't resist throwing a dig at him whenever possible. "and she has a name, you know."

"a flipping indecipherable one" your friend mutters under his breath.

you whip around when you reach the first landing, glaring at him seriously this time. "don't you fucking start, healy."

matty raises his hands in defensive apology. "christ, sorry! i just don't know how to pronounce some scottish names. is it like eye- oh."

you've reached the baby's room, where ross stands in the doorway with your daughter in his arms. she looks so small against him, one tiny hand reaching up in an attempt to play with the cord of his hoodie. your husband grins at matty - standing statue-still with an awestruck expression - and speaks softly. "matthew, this is eilidh."

you both watch your friend watch your daughter, his mouth moving soundlessly as he inputs the pronunciation of her name into his brain. ay-ly. matty's eyes, which appear to be welling up, flick up to ross', and he sniffles through a grin. "god, rass, you're such a dilf."

"agreed," you pipe up, smirking at your husband.

ross shifts the still-awake eilidh so she's tucked safely into the curve of one arm and laughs, minding his volume so as to not freak her out. with the other, he reaches for his best friend; they each wrap an arm around the other's shoulders, as they must have done a million times in their lives. "so, what d'you think of your new goddaughter?"

for the second time in less than five minutes, matty freezes. his jaw drops, and he looks between ross' face and yours in utter shock. "for real? i'm her godfather?" you nod, smiling, and matty's eyes start to well up again. he leans over to look at eilidh, who placidly returns his gaze, and the tears begin to fall. "she's so- oh my god, she's wearing self-titled merch!"

matty crouches to the floor and covers his face, fully sobbing. ross quirks his lip at you in confusion, then pats matty's head gently with his free hand. "i know, mate, her outfit did me in too."

"she's just so little," comes the reply from the floor, voice wracked with sobs. matty drags himself up to standing, wiping his eyes. "christ, i can't cope."

for some inane reason, your maternal instinct seems to kick in at the sight of him. you walk over to your friend and wrap your arms around him comfortingly; matty rests his head on your shoulder, his chest still heaving sporadically as he continues to cry. "what's all this about, mate?" you say softly, in a tone not dissimilar to the one you use to address your month-old daughter. "i thought you hated kids?"

"i do, mostly," matty replies, voice muffled by your (ross') hoodie. he begins crying harder again. "but she's half of two of my favourite people in the world, so she's perfect, and she's just so tiny!"

you're not sure if it's the postnatal hormones coursing through you, or if it's pride in getting matthew healy to be serious and emotional for once, but you feel your bottom lip tremble the way it does before you start to cry. ross, too, is welling up as he wraps his free arm around matty; soon, the only person in the room not crying is eilidh, who stares at you all in what appears to be judgement. matty is the first to notice her expression, a laugh lifting his tear-stricken cheeks. "wow, kid, you really do look like your mum."

you smack matty lightly on the back of the head, moving to stand next to your husband and daughter. you lift eilidh out of ross' arms, holding her up so your faces are level; she beams toothlessly at you, chubby hands reaching for your cheeks, earning a short refrain of "awws" from your audience. after kissing her on the forehead briefly, you turn her so she's between you and ross, all three members of your little family facing matty. "right, we need you to settle an argument."

matty's brow furrows. "oh?"

ross rolls his eyes. "jesus, not this again."

you ignore your husband's input and continue talking. "yeah. whose nose has she inherited, mine or his? we can't tell."

"hmmmm," matty ponders. he steps closer to the three of you, scrutinising ross first, then you, then stops in front of eilidh, directly addressing her. "i don't know whose nose you got either, darlin', but on you it is very, very cute."

he punctuates the end of his sentence with a tentative boop to your daughter's tiny nose, which makes her gurgle happily. matty giggles, and you turn to look lovingly at ross, who reciprocates your expression as he helps you hold eilidh.

matty steps back again, surveying the scene before him adoringly; his two best friends and the baby they made together, the love in the room palpable in the air. "i love you guys. this just feels... right. like this is how life was always supposed to be for you."

you're inclined to agree.

[universitysunflowers]

I rewatched Merlin for the first time in years and collected my thoughts.

Merlin was such a baby in the first season I forget just how tiny and innocent he was.

The number of times Merlin has been suspected of witchcraft and then got out of it is so hilarious like yea here’s this actual wizard but don’t worry he’s been cleared of all charges nothing to worry about here haha

accused by the witchfinder

sentenced to death as old man sorcerer

straight up confessing to Uther in order to save Gwen

Gaius is to old for this

Sir Leon puts up with so much shit from the Pendragon family

Somebody please give him a vacation he does not get paid enough for this (having to tell his boss that he married a troll was a real low point you can see him losing the will to live)

He's running on three hours of sleep and six cups of coffee

Corrie guard commander Fox reincarnated as a knight of Camelot (working for a maniacal tyrant in the most dramatic political court the world has ever seen will take a lot out of you)

King Cenred is the medieval embodiment of the King of Hybern like that is exactly how I imagine him when I read ACOTAR (Tom Ellis, as always, was a great casting choice)

Freya deserved better Ik she had to die to keep the Excalibur storyline going but she could have been such a great character (merlin was so sad bring his gf back poor baby)

Lancelot my wholesome baby you are to precious for this world you deserved so much better

I can't explain it but I just know Gwaine would have done well on book tok

Ok I know Morgana was a terrible queen and burned the crops but honestly props to her for paying attention to the paperwork

I can’t tell if Agravaine looked at Morgana like a daughter or if he was falling in love with her and honestly both are very disturbing to me.

Aithusa is the most adorable dragon look at his little face Ik he gets attached to Morgana but seriously I can’t not love him.

seeing him so beaten and abused is so sad please get him some help

We should have seen more of him with Merlin

How Kilgharra hasn't cooked Merlin like a costco roast chicken is beyond me, this dragon must have some sort of immortality driven godlike patience in order to put up with that boy as long as he has.

Gaius please get a hair cut

I’m a few episodes into season five and I hit that point where I know what’s coming and it’s making me not want to finish the show. I don’t want to but I feel like I should.

I crapped out. I made it to the episode where Gwen uses the stable boy to try and kill Arthur and then never finished the season. I knew this was going to happen I haven't made it all the way through the series in years. If I ever make it through the end of season five again I'll be sure to give my thoughts but for now I've fallen back into a Gossip Girl rewatch.

Sometimes I forgot to write things then wrote it down later so it might be out of order but whatever enjoy my musings.

[logan-lieutenant]

i didn't win the wheel: episode 7 (pt. 1)

[they read the intro cards, it's quite cringe]

Logan: "You know what the honor is..." (tries to gesture)

Alex, interrupting: "Because nothing says Tour de France like mad stats."

Logan (after waiting): "...You get to spin that wheel."

Alex: 😊😊

i know, i know, i start every episode out with The Bit. and this could be a paragraph almost identical to the last intro because at first it looks same-old, same-old: logan is describing the activity like he's reading his own death sentence, alex still has not learned how to play to the audience, they both brighten up a little bit on the **iconic** line. but there are some differences. the body language. the way alex is once again posing so awkwardly so he can face logan. the way he looks right at logan immediately, and then the laugh just sort of tumbles out of him and he can't even keep his head up, and the way logan turns to him and his eyes track the movement of alex curling in down and towards him and then he uses the card to gesture and bring alex back in as it's time to start the game

i was rewatching this moment listening to their voices and their laughter when the thought came to me suddenly: "it's like they're taking care of each other." and i didn't even know how to elaborate on that more but it just felt so right that i had to keep examining it and now it've got it. the thing is, they're both struggling at this point. a lot. logan for obvious reasons, but alex too, very much so. silly season is hitting williams hard. there's rumors of antonelli, rumors of sainz, rumors of a mid-season replacement. on top of that, checo's contract is at this point being both ridiculed and questioned because of his failure to meet the goals, and what are people benchmarking him against? not max, his teammate, but logan. because logan can now outqualify him. and that's not "oh my god look at how well logan's doing!" it's "oh my god look at how absolutely dogshit checo's doing" (the general discourse, not my opinion). even when the williams upgrades make an actual improvement, nobody notices or cares because everybody else makes bigger improvements. and while williams doesn't have the worst pr situation on the grid, ever since australia they've needed some serious image management and that hasn't been attended to enough. jv is publicly and aggressively courting carlos, making outrageous claims about How Well They're Doing, and the longer the team goes while pretending the logan situation doesn't exist, the more aggravated the fans get. the team isn't doing anything to address the growing tension, and they don't have the on-track performance to do the work for them, so who's left carrying such a huge portion of the entire team's image? alex. he's walking on a wire to avoid falling into the absolute shitstorm of william's pr while still supporting and representing the team that's given him a second chance. he has to juggle being compared to logan and outperforming his car and people saying he deserves better and his team principal's fumbling and knowing he could have all this resentment and bitterness and jealousy from logan and that's not there. and because he's already created this image of sunshiney cutesy cuddly cat dad, he can't afford to have a single moment of visible anger or frustration, even though that's literally how racing drivers just are. so in many ways he's completely trapped in multiple situations and he doesn't know what logan's thinking or what anyone else is thinking and he's overwhelmed.

and logan doesn't have anything. no team support, no chance at another team, no certainty about literally any event in his future from the next few years to the next few weeks. his last few moments with alex are starting to feel like a consolation prize, starting to feel even more painful because of how aware he is of the time running out. and logan can see past the disoriented rambling and the hyperactivity and the media personality, he knows alex is overwhelmed. and it's not something they feel they can talk about with each other because they're scared of hurting each other, of driving a wedge between them when every goodbye feels like the last. but here's logan, unable to feign interest, unable to give the camera anything to work with because he's tired and he's bitter and he just wants to stop owing these people. but alex is there, kind of looking like he forgot they were filming today, and logan can't do much but he can do this. he can make alex laugh. he can remind alex that it's fun to be silly, you can make something silly out of this stupidity, that it's okay and the resentment at the whole thing doesn't need to be there and that they're going to get through this and they're actually going to have fun. he turns all the way into alex and watches his reaction, eyes him up and down, and his smile gets a little sadder and a little more mature as he lets alex half-fold towards him because "logan that isn't even funny how am i laughing every single time". and it's become this sort of ritual for them. it's literally just A Bit but it's their way of stepping all the way out of formula fuckup life and into just this little bubble of each other and a game. "okay, we're going to let this go now. we're going to forget that it's stupid and we don't want to be their social media guinea pigs and we're both being mistreated yet expected to deliver performances like we're not. we're just going to forget that and we're going to have fun with each other and it's going to be nice because we can do it together." and even with everything that's happening, logan is the one who initiates that. he flicks the switch for both of them. and alex's laugh is amusement, yeah, but it's also just relief– the beautiful dissociative relief of leaving everything behind for just a little bit. it's gotten to the point where alex visibly waits on that cue. he looks fidgety and frustrated and out of it and like a kid who got dragged to his mom's book club until logan starts even the beginning of the sentence and then he looks over and the smile starts to flit across his face and then the channel changes. logan's carrying them both over the threshold.

[the question is about average speed]

Logan (such a dumbass annoying smile): "Can I answer in miles per hour? I'm kidding ha ha HAA 😎😎😎" *smacks table* "Ah that's funny..."

Alex:

Alex:

Alex a million years later: 😂

ah, we haven't had one of these in a while. logan being a little shit just to annoy alex. alex being so annoyed and then so endeared he basically short-circuits. that was such a stupid joke and even the way he laughed was like "i just made the STUPIDEST joke >:)" it like has the tone of a dad joke but not even that it's just stupid... and he's the only one who laughs. even though it's obviously forced because that's pretty much part of the joke, it's supposed to be so not funny it actually is funny.

and then logan moves on from that and heads straight into thinking-too-hard-about-this mode and alex is processing on internet explorer speed. he laughs first when logan looks over at him with that stupid shit eating "did you hear that STUPID joke i just made" look and then he does the signature blush and look away (seriously we might have heart-eyes piastri and fuck me-eyes leclerc but what about cast-down eyes albon because he literally cannot hold eye contact when he's flustered which is 80% of the time in logan's presence) and then as logan starts musing about the question alex is like– i swear, he's playing logans expression over again in his head. he's tilted in logan's direction, not looking at anything, and i swear to god he's just remember logan's dumb shit-eating smile and thinking about the joke itself and then suddenly he's laughing. and he doesn't mean to and it even sounds unexpected like it's taking the breath out of him and then he literally has to interrupt himself like, "um! sorry!" because it takes him some time to regain his composure. logan crept out of the shadows just long enough to drop a shit joke and now he's huddled back but that moment is sticking way longer in alex's head than it should. bringing himself back to the game and out of his own head/imagination nearly pains him.

(will continue soon but jeez i had a LOT to say!)

[yaboirezzy]

Any of you ever find a new thing you're interested in and you want to know and see more of it, only to find out that thing has been dead or gone for a while and the person/people behind it did something awful or got in some bad controversy?

Cause I have and it's with this:

So I was rewatching some old/classic web animations (mostly Eddsworld, SMB Z, and archived newgrounds animations) and I saw this in one of the playlist that has a bunch of those animations. I only watched it because it was next in the queue but after a couple of minutes I was kinda hooked on it and kept on watching, after a while I decided to watch it till the end, and well...I was really interested.

Sure it was REALLY dated with how it looks and feels, plus the characters and the concept or setting are really standard and could use some improvements, but I thought to myself while searching for more stuff about this series: "Eh, it's part of the charm with these old web animations. Also this was just the pilot episode so surely there's more to come, surely it'll get better from here, surely this'll be a good or at least fine series that'll have some charm and laughs with absolutely nothing bad happening to-" yeah that didn't happen and I wished it did instead of what actually happened.

Yeah so going over every unfortunate thing that happened would take like forever (I think based on what other people have said) so I'll just give you a short summary of what happened: The creator (animated james) canceled the series after two short seasons, he was exposed to have some questionable actions and/or interest which of course led to controversy, and he disappeared from the internet (wherever he is I hope he's doing well). Yup it's another "a classic content creator's downfall" situation...

Okay but you might be thinking to yourself: "What about the series itself and it's two short seasons? Is it any good, is it another case of separating the art from the artist, did it at least leave a bittersweet taste behind?" well....no. Yeah I'm very sorry to any C Students fans out there, I understand if you like this series and think it's really great or an underappreciated gem from the past, I get that and I respect it, but C Students is just really meh to me.

"Well what is C Students?" you might ask, well according to the wiki: C Students is animated web series centered upon a group of teenagers and their life and misadventures in Hartlane High School. Yup, that's all it is from the wiki, and it's actually fitting because that's is ALL this series is about, it's literally just another "teen high school - slice of life & comedy" series kinda like the ones you would find on Nickelodeon or Disney Channel back in the 2000s, except this time it's animated...which isn't really giving it much, like aside from the expressions, some of the movements, and a few things here and there you can have this series in live action instead and it would not be any different.

The characters don't improve or change even slightly from their basic one-note roles/stereotypes in the pilot, similarly the misadventures and situations they go on or find themselves in aren't that interesting or different compared to those from any other series in the genre, and the humor is...the same as those from any other series of this kind, not to say that it's all bad but it's definitely got a lot more misses than it does hits as the later episodes go on, hell even the mature jokes have all aged in varying conditions (both generally and based on the controversy). Speaking of which, that's kind of the overall problem I have with C Students: It clearly looks and feels like a comedic slice of life high school series, but it also tries to be serious and act like it has something important to tell, and it's obvious that it doesn't mix together or handled well. Like for example there's the music video "Creative Types" which is great to watch and listen on it's own, but when put alongside the actual episodes it feels out of place and doesn't feel like it's from the same series at all, which it is even if it's not canon to the main series' timeline. So TLDR: It peaked at the pilot and it slowly and sadly went downhill

However the thing that upsets me more than anything else about this series is...It could be good! It could've been better! I wish it could've been better! I wish it could've entertained us with something different or interesting to it's concept or genre in the same way as The Looney Tunes Show does to suburban sitcom, I wish it could've mixed/handled/balanced the more serious and mature stuff better like Smiling Friends, I wish it could've had some nice charm and laughs to it at least.

Which is why I'm planning on making my own take/version of C Students! Yes I know it's another one to add to my pile of "stuff I've planned out but never actually making", but that's the thing with me unfortunately: I'm good at planning or making ideas and not so much on actually making them come to life, I'm just one person and the idea of making a long running thing on your own without any help whatsoever is terrifying, I'm the one with the blueprints and I need other people to actually construct the thing. But anyways yeah, that was my personal thoughts on C Students (If you don't like or disagree with it then feel free to do so as it is MY opinion and you shouldn't feel obliged to agree with it) I'm PROBABLY gonna make my own take on this series sometime soon, hopefully we'll see how that turns out

EDIT: So I found out that the seasons I watched was a fan-continuation of the series not by the OG creator, but all my points still stand as it would've been more or less the same as canon (according to the creator and people in the comments)

[anangelcanonlygosofar]

Why Did So Many People Hate Aziraphale?

When the ending of Season 2 happened the majority of the fandom lost their collective shit. They went utterly bananas. A main theme that I kept coming across was the strange and insulting sentiment that Aziraphale "rejected Crowley" or that Aziraphale "chose heaven over Crowley" or that Aziraphale "Was an arse for leaving Cowley", etc.

When I finally got around to rewatching Season 1 of Good Omens and then watched Season 2 of Good Omens and finally saw some context for the ending, I was/am even more baffled as to why people were so cruel to Aziraphale.

Why had they failed to hear what Aziraphale said to Crowley? Why hadn't anyone taken a moment to realize that Aziraphale respected Crowley's choice to not return to Heaven with him? Why did the collective fandom just completely ignore the WORDS, ACTIONS, and EMOTIONAL RESPONSES that Aziraphale expressed in the heartbreaking finale?

Maybe it was the simple fact they just couldn't cope with what they saw. Maybe the fandom needed someone to blame other than Neil Gaiman himself. Or maybe, the fandom just failed to take a moment to carefully comb through and observe the small, tiny details that are far more important than the big, dramatic moments that fill up the runtime.

However, what I noticed most is the total disregard for Aziraphale's lines in the last scene between Crowley and Aziraphale in season 2 episode 6. So this is where I'll Start.

HE WORDS:

Some of his dialogue was/are as follows:

"He said I could appoint you to be an angel. You could come back to Heaven and... and everything, like the old times. Only, even nicer."

"But Heaven...well, it's the side of truth, of light, of good"

"Come with me...to heaven. I'll run it, you can be my second in command. We can make a difference"

"Crowley, come back, to heaven! Work with me! We can be together! Angels..doing good!"

"I...I need You!"

"I...I forgive you"

Do these lines of dialogue give any indication that he rejected Crowley, or chose Heaven over Crowley, or that Aziraphale was being an arse?

No, they do not. These lines of dialogue clearly show that Aziraphale WANTS to be with Crowley so they BOTH can be angels DOING GOOD and MAKING A DIFFERENCE. Aziraphale wanted Crowley to be redeemed so that he could join Aziraphale in Heaven and be on the side of TRUTH, LIGHT, and GOOD.

Aziraphale didn't want to leave Earth WITHOUT Crowley, however, he was forced to because Crowley rejected AZIRAPHALE'S offer to come back to heaven. So instead of forcing Crowley to come back to Heaven with him, even after the awkward kiss, Aziraphale decided to let him go and sacrificed his happiness to SAVE THE WORLD FROM HEAVEN!!!!

It was not easy for Aziraphale to leave Crowley or even Earth or even his bookshop. HE sacrificed EVERYTHING so he could fix heaven's broken system and stop God and the Angels and Metatron from repeatedly trying to destroy the Earth just to win a dick-measuring contest with hell.

Aziraphale doesn't like war. He despises war due to witnessing the rebellion in heaven AND watching the humans go to war and kill each other repeatedly for over 6,000 YEARS. What Aziraphale did was something nobody will ever be able to understand until they find themselves in Aziraphale's shoes.

It's not easy being an angel, who has been forced to "bear witness" and "not intervene in human affairs" because doing so will go against God's "Great Plan" which may or may not be a part of God's "Ineffable Plan".

Aziraphale cannot stand by and let Heaven destroy all life on Earth. Of course, he knows that Heaven isn't all truth, light, or good. He knows Heaven is broken and needs to be reformed. He knows that Crowley is right about Heaven being toxic. Just because he knows that Heaven is toxic and not as truthful, enlightened, or good doesn't mean he's not somewhat in denial.

It's not easy being trapped and suffocated by a cult-like institution whose sole purpose is to keep you from leaving the said institution. It's not easy watching humans committing atrocity after atrocity, and not being able to stop it. It's not easy watching God kill innocent people and children just because they can't get along.

Aziraphale has struggled to figure out what, "doing the right thing" is and how far he's willing to go along Heaven's/God's plans of destruction until he just can't anymore. All Aziraphale has had to keep him going along with Heaven's/God's plans is his faith that Heaven/God knows what they're doing and that complete destruction and devastation will never truly come to pass. Only to find out later that Heaven and God don't necessarily see eye to eye and that God themselves are super unreachable, even in a time of crisis.

Aziraphale has done EVERYTHING he was told and more and it still wasn't enough to keep another armageddon from happening. Since he can't completely stop it on earth, he HAS to return to heaven and find a way to stop it from happening from there, which may prove fruitful and pointless.

What most fans didn't register or realize is the fact that Aziraphale chose to return to heaven for very UNSELFISH reasons. A part of him knew Crowley might say no to returning to heaven with him, so he decided that if that was the case, then he would let Crowley go, so that he, Aziraphale, could fix heaven and permanently SAVE THE WORLD... something he CANNOT do if he stayed on Earth.

Why is this so hard for some fans to see and/or consider? Why is this something only a few fans actually talk about? Why was there so much Aziraphale hate when there shouldn't have been?

It's not Aziraphale's fault that he couldn't stay with Crowley. It's HEAVEN'S fault that Crowley and Aziraphale can't be together because they (Heaven) are too war-minded and emotionally stunted to realize how many innocent people will die just because they want to measure dicks with Hell.

HIS ACTIONS:

The second thing I noticed happened a lot was the initial total disregard for Azirphale's body language and/or actions during the last scene of Crowley and Aziraphale in the final episode of Good Omens Season 2.

Throughout the scene, we see Aziraphale exhibit the following nonverbal cues:

---initial happiness

---confusion

---Distress

---Anxiousness

---restless hand movements

---pacing back and forth

---sadly looking around the bookshop

--etc.

These nonverbal cues show us that Aziraphale went from being extremely happy to an emotional wreck, especially after the awkward kiss.

Aziraphale excitedly told Crowley about his promotion expecting Crowley to be happy for him (Aziraphale), only for Crowley to grow irritable and angry. Which confused Aziraphale and slightly angered him, yet he still somewhat understood Crowley's response.

As the scene goes on you can tell that Aziraphale is desperately trying to keep Crowley from leaving at first, but relents after the awkward kiss and fully accepts he lost Crowley for now.

Aziraphale really wanted Crowley to say "yes", however, it did not pan out that way. So Aziraphale just gradually quieted down, shorted his verbal communication, and tried his best NOT to have a complete emotional breakdown in front of Crowley.

Not once did Azirphale exhibit any controlling behaviors or actions. When Aziraphale and Crowley came to an impasse and Crowley ultimately left, Aziraphale didn't even go after Crowley. He let Crowley go because going back to heaven to fix it and stop the second Armageddon was more important than fixing his relationship with Crowley, and because Aziraphale knew that when everything calmed down, and the 2nd coming was adverted, and there were no more threats then maybe he would be able to have a proper long talk with Crowley and explain why he did what he did and said what he said.

HIS EMOTIONAL RESPONSES:

Some fans also didn't really register how many emotional responses Aziraphale had in the last scene with Crowley in the season 2 finale.

Aziraphale went from ecstatic and happy to confused and slightly angry, to confused, overwhelmed, and heartbroken.

He started the scene excited and ecstatic about his job promotion and he was nearly exploding with joy when he initially told Crowley the "good" news. Only to become confused and a little angry that Crowley didn't seem happy for him and flat-out yelled at him.

At first, Aziraphale is stubborn and confused at Crowley's response to the supposed good news, yet he still listens to Crowley who eventually can somewhat incoherently say that he loves Aziraphale and wants to be an us.

As the scene progresses Azirapale starts to restlessly fidget, heavily breath, and frantically look around as he realizes that the conversation is going south faster than the sinking of the Titanic. You can see on his face that he's trying to understand what Crowley is trying to say however, he just can't piece it together that well.

Aziraphale understands that Crowley does indeed truly love him. However, Aziraphale also realizes that he too loves Crowley in return and is now getting increasingly overwhelmed to the point that he can't form coherent words.

During the awkward kiss scene, you can see that Aziraphale slightly and very briefly goes to hold/caress Crowley's shoulder right before the rough parting between him and Crowley. At this point, Aziraphale is confused as to why the kiss happened, is overwhelmed by the fact he kind of liked and wanted another one but it simply wasn't the right time, and is heartbroken that he has to leave Crowley, but he doesn't know for how long.

CONCLUSION:

Throughout the entire scene, Azirphale actually struggles with Crowley's disappointment and anger in response to Aziraphale's job promotion, with the idea of leaving Crowley and returning to heaven alone, and with how the hell he is supposed to cope, let alone function without Crowley to talk to.

Nowhere in the scene does it suggest that the decision to return to heaven was easy or simple for Aziraphale. He struggled like a bitch and he still left for heaven heartbroken and without Crowley.

Yes, the ending was sad, but there shouldn't have been Aziraphale hate in the first place.

So I leave you with this:

So why the fuck was there so much Aziraphale hate?