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can-i-write-well-yet · 2 years

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The Truth About Your Heart

P1/P2

a fanfic for 4KOTA that I was working on, no one requested this except me, and I realized if I want to read i'm gonna have to be the one to write it.

So here we go! It should have ever one of the sins and the Four Knights squads in it, but it will focus primarily on Ban and Lancelot's Family and the oc I added. It'll mostly be from the oc's perspective because I'm scared to write for characters perspectives that I didn't make, lmao.

I worked on this but am always open to take breaks to write other requests~ Let's'a go!

Chapter One.

It’s a beautiful day in Benwick, sun shining across the trees, the smell of fresh dew and wisteria flowers floats across a room, you could hear the chatter of the fairies outside the window, and the birds chirping faintly in the background, and on this beautiful morning one lad laying down in his bed could only think of one thing.

“God I hope someone kills me.” The young man said to himself hopefully.

A knock was heard at the door to his bedroom, the killer he wanted perhaps?

“Gus!! Mom said get up! We’re leaving for Uncle’s in five mimutes!!”

No such luck, just his sister sent to drag him out of bed. He supposed he should get up before his mother comes to get him up herself, she won’t stop at simple knocking and yelling and he’d rather not get tossed out of his bed again, the first time was enough.

He kicks off his covers before going to inspect his closet for anything he would feel comfortable wearing on this hellish field trip his mother was dragging him on, settling on a simple white button down shirt with peasant sleeves, putting a leather vest over the shirt, and a pair of black slacks. He was going to feel miserable in whatever he wore so why bother being extravagant?

He went through his washroom routine mindlessly, doing it by muscle memory rather than paying any attention to what he was doing, his mind was on other things, the visit to Lionas mostly.

He didn’t want to go, not that he hated Lionas, the kingdom was lovely and he didn’t mind the people there, it was simply what he was expected to do once he arrived. Greeting the King and Queen wasn’t an issue, in his family it wasn’t an exaggeration to say that he had the best manners out of all of them, his father treated everyone the same no matter who they were, his mother’s usual response to anyone was ignoring them or throwing off of cliffs, and his sister was seven.

No, the problem he faced was he would have to go to that castle, meet with all of his relatives and friends and he would have to look all those people in the eye and pretend everything was okay, knowing what he knew.

‘I can do that here,’ He thought to himself while brushing his teeth, ‘I can do that with Mum and Father and Beru, and I know I can do it with everyone else, but GOD it’s going to be fucking exhausting! I don’t wanna do this. Please let me fall down the stairs, Please let me fall down the stairs, Please let me fall down the stairs’

He was so engrossed in his mantra he didn’t notice his mother coming into his room.

“Gus?”

“AAAIIK!!!!” He screamed as he turned around and slipped on his bed clothes, almost slamming face first into the wall before he felt himself hovering.

“Thanks for the save Ma.”

“I’m Sorry!! I should’ve knocked first!” His mother released her wind magic and allowed her son to gently be set on the floor before helping him stand, checking for any injuries before looking him in the eye, “Sorry, I forget sometimes, I don’t know why, I swear I try.”

The young man shrugged, “It’s no big deal Ma, I space out a lot, chances are even if you did knock I wouldn't've heard it. I had some stuff on my mind.”

“You know you can tell me anything, right? I’m here no matter what.”

“I know Ma.”

“So what’s wrong, Babi?”

He could tell her, he could drop all his problems right here and now, he could rely on another person for one day.

He could tell all his problems and beg her to help, just this once. For once he could trust an adult to help with everything going on.

But he won’t, his mother didn’t deserve all this baggage he’s collected over the years, and he wouldn’t force her to hold him together, she’s held enough people together for a lifetime.

So he does what he’s done for the past nine years, and he lies.

“I’m just really tired Ma, and a little worried about how long the trip is gonna be, not to mention all the nobles we’re gonna have to deal with, I can hear them sucking up now. ‘OH YOUNG LORD HOW HANDSOME YOU ARE TONIGHT~ PRAY TELL, WHERE IST THOU PAPA SO I MAY BROWN NOSE???’”

His mother laughs at his joke, obviously relieved to think her son is just tired, both physically and of humans.

“Well you’ll be happy to know we’re going to take a portal over to the kingdom instead of traveling. Your Uncle is going to come pick us up, and I know sometimes the people can be tiring, so tell you what, how about I take over talking duties? I can talk to all the people there and you can go hang out with your cousins and friends?”

That… would actually help a lot now that he thinks about it, the less people he had to talk to, the less people he had to lie to, his mom did that a lot, help unintentionally.

She would give a solution for a problem he made up that actually ended up helping with the problem he was hiding, she was just magical like that he supposed.

“GUS!!! MUMMY!!! WE HAVTA GO NOW!!! UNCLE’S COMING SOON!!! HUR-RY-UP!!”

“WE’LL-BE-DONE-SOON!!!” The boy yelled back at his younger sister, she never did like waiting for anything so this talk was probably agonizingly slow for her. “You should probably go Ma, she needs to eat before we leave and I’ve gotta get my hair brushed and find my satchel before we head out.”

“Okay Babi, I’ll grab you something to eat on the way, don’t forget your sketchbook, your uncle has been asking to see your drawings and I’m not explaining why he must wait, COMING RU-RU!!!” She yelled down to her daughter before turning back and giving him a small kiss on his forehead, “Love you babi.”

“Love you Ma.” He watched his mother leave down the stairs before closing the door.

He walked to his bed and reached under it to grab a box full of his sketchbooks and placed two of them in a small satchel. He then grabbed his brush and started to comb through his pale lavender hair.

After tying it into a low hanging ponytail, he made sure his door was locked and his shades were drawn before walking over to the picture his younger sister had drawn for him, it was of him, her, and their older brother.

He had told her he liked the drawing so much that he wanted to keep it in his room so could look at it all the time. A part of this was true, he did like the drawing, it was well done for a 5 year old, but everything after that was a lie. He didn’t want that thing anywhere near his room and to be perfectly honest, he would be alright never seeing it ever again.

It wasn’t because of anything his sister did, no he always loved her drawings, and honestly it was his own fault, they way the picture turned out. After all, he was the one who wondered out loud whether or not she knew what their brother looked like. She did, and then she felt bad for leaving him out of all her other pictures, so she drew all three of them together.

And now he had it in his room, where he would see it, day in and day out. He had to keep it in his room, there was nowhere else for it to go. If she had kept it in her room then their parents would’ve seen it, and then they would make that face they always did when they were reminded of their eldest son.

And Beru wouldn’t understand, and she would wonder if it was her fault, and then he could only hope it was his mother who found the painting, and not his father, because both of them would do a terrible job of comforting the young girl, but at least his mom would be gentle about it.

So to avoid that, he kept it in his room, his mom would still see it and she would cry, but he could be there for her and hold her together so Beru wouldn’t get upset. (Sometimes his mother would lie on his bed next to him and hold him close while she looked at the picture, crying silently for a couple minutes before getting up and making them both something to eat, she was always happier after crying for a bit.)

Beru would see her drawing in his room and be happy that he liked it, and be none the wiser to how her family really felt. (Sometimes Beru would sneak into his bed in the middle of the night, and ask about her oldest brother, she knew neither of her brothers had met but she knew her older brother knew more than she did, she just wanted to feel close to all her family, even the ones she hadn’t met. So he would tell her stories he had heard about him, and when he ran out of stories he would make some up until she fell asleep and he would carry her back to bed.)

And his father, who hasn’t entered his room in years, would never see the painting, and would never get his hands on it. (The boy remembered someone talking about his older brother with his father. He didn’t hear the whole conversation from his hiding place on the top of the stairs, but he somehow knew what they were discussing. He remembers seeing a small jacket being handed to his father, him caressing it gently before yelling at the person he was speaking to and starting to stomp his way upstairs. The boy remembers hiding under a table in the hallway and watching his father storm into his older brother's room, placing the shirt in the small closet before storming back down into the front room. The room remained untouched to this day. Anything that belonged or was related to the eldest son went into that room, and never came out again.)

So this small thing, this placement of a child's painting, was actually used to hold their family together.

Well for that and one other thing.

He raised his fist above his head and slammed it down two inches to the left of the painting and down into his waiting hand fell a worn out, Prussian blue journal.

He rifled through the pages before stopping on a page where the writer was talking about his uncle stopping by.

The writer of this journal would only ever write about his day in one page, and he always wrote on the left page, and only the left page.

Gus was fond of that, because he would then write on the right page, as if responding to the author of the journal.

‘Dear Whom-Ever reads this.

(NOT DAD! THIS IS MY JORNAL!)

Today Uncle came over to visit he brought over my cosin Deidrick to play with me but Dei never plays right. Okay he plays right i guess but he doesn’t wanna fight. He just plays meedator and how we shood talk out feelings out instead of punching.

Uncle also brought my new cosins MAttie and ElliE they are cute i guess MAttie likes punching but Auntie said she was too young to play swords and i have to wait til shes older.

But dad fought with me! he always wresssals with me! So he’s teaching Dei how to fight better two!

Anyway sense I have to go now im leaving this journal entry here until tomorrow.

Good bye!’

Gus smiles at the childish writing, barely decipherable but quite adorable. He had found this book wrapped in cloth and buried under an old piece of driftwood, he wouldn’t’ve found it if not for a faint glow of sunlight that had happened to have hit it just right, having piqued his curiosity and prompting him to look beneath. He likes to think it was fate that led him to it, but he was okay with it just being luck.

‘Smarter to be Lucky than Lucky to be Smart.’ He thought as he picked up his pen before writing down his reply.

‘Dear Older Brother.

I am also meeting our Uncle today, he’s coming over to bring us all to Lionas for a meeting with the king, probably for a party. And he’s bringing all of our cousins here as well.

You’ll be happy to know Deidrick now knows how to fight much better, though he still enjoys playing mediator.

Mattie can throw real punches now, and she can use swords as well, she prefers just fighting with bare knuckles.

Ellie enjoys puzzles more than anything, but never says no to a good fight.

I may have mentioned in a previous entry, but we have a new cousin now as well, his name is Brahms.

He recently turned 7 and is growing well, he gets sick a lot but he’s very brave, you would have liked him.

Father and Mother are excited to see all of their old friends, I’m worried about them so it will be good to get out of Benwick, they’ve been cooped up for too long.

I’m all ready to go, just making sure I update you before I go…

They all still miss you, please come home soon.

I would like to meet you, even though I know you hate me, I don’t care, they need you Lancelot. Please hurry up with your dumb mission or adventure that you think is more important then our fami-’

He stops before completing that sentence, he knows it might be a bit too far, he doesn’t know what’s kept Lance away for so long, and Gus knows he’s coming home soon. But sometimes you just can’t help feeling.

He is still writing in someone else’s journal so he makes an effort to be polite.

‘I don’t mean to be mean, I just know you’re out there and I don’t know why you didn’t come bac-’

“UNCLE KING!!!” He heard his sister call from downstairs.

He took a peek outside his window and saw his Uncle Harlequin exchanging greetings with his sister, and his Aunt Diane chatting with his father. He should wrap this up before heading down.

‘I am leaving now for Lionas. I will try to grab more funds while I’m there, don’t worry, I won't break my promises, even if the only one who knows I made one is me.

I wish to meet you one day, on good terms, after everything is said and done.

Despite what you may think of me, I love you Lancelot.

Love, Your Brother, Gustav.’

“GOOSE!!!” He heard rapid knocking on his door, and the voice of his oldest cousin, Deidrick.

And as he stepped on top of his dresser to place the book back into the rafters he gently caressed the name on the journal.

‘Lancelot’

He put the book back into the rafters and stepped down to grab his satchel off the bed and unlocked his door to be met with a tight hug from his cousin.

‘From your dad to you, may you write down your heart into this book,

I love you my son.’

“BROTHER! I’ve missed you man!” Deidrick exclaimed, picking his younger cousin off the floor and spinning around the room.

“Yeah, missed you too Dei-Dei.” Hugging his cousin and tapping him gently on the back, he asked, “So was it your idea for Uncle King to take us there with the portal?”

“How’d you know?” Dei asked, amazed.

Gustav pushed back to look his cousin to look at him flatly, “Your the only one who has any issues with the ride there,”

“It’s not my fault y’all can’t fly, why do I have to slow down and wait every time?!”

“And in a letter you sent a while back you told me how your dad said he’d do you a favor if you watched your siblings for a night, and you never told me what you used it for, so I guessed you were saving it for something like this…”

“... Damn little brother. You should be a detective with skills like that.”

“It’s not ‘Skills’,” Gustav rolled his eyes while walking down the stairs to the rest of their party, “You’re just incredibly basic.”

Dedrick held his hand to his heart as he floated down next to Gustav, “LE GASP! How could you be so crew-el?”

“Very easily,” Gustav managed to say before his younger sister slammed into his chest, knocking the wind out his lungs and nearly sending both of them onto the floor if Dei hadn’t caught the both of them.

“BERU! Be gentle on your brother!” Ban chastised from the doorway where he was greeting King.

“Sorey Da!” Beru said offhandedly before turning her head back to her older brother, her crimson eyes glimmering with excitement as her dandelion colored hair bounced up and down, “GUS! Are you so excited!!??”

Gustav, now breathing again, and having picked up his energetic younger sister, replied, ”So excited for what? The trip? I suppos-”

Cutting him off and grabbing his face, “No Silly! We’re being a fish-... Oh fizz, no. Um, a-afisha-. What was the word Uncle Harlequin?”

“Officially.” King replied, smiling at the siblings from where he stood next to Elaine.

“Offishally! We are Offishally invited to a meeting of the Seven Deadly Sins!”

Gustav’s eyes widened before turning to look at his father, “Father, is this true? I thought we- I thought I wasn’t- We weren’t-”

Ban held his hands up in a shushing movement, stopping the train of thoughts tumbling through his son's mind, “It’s not that big a deal, slow your roll kid. We just got a summons from the Captain, which could mean anything from ‘The demon king has returned and Lionas is up in flames’ to ‘We ran out of Vanya Ale so I'm calling a Seven Deadly Booze-Run cause I’m bored out of my mind’. We’ll figure it out when we get there. But considering he signed it with a picture of a smiling bird, I’d say he didn’t think it was anything serious, and while grown up meetings are still off the table, this should be boring enough to take the kids to.”

“Oh, uh, okay, we will be part of the discussion or...?”

“Yeah if ya’ want, Cappy called for everyone and their kids, so we’re bringing everyone and their kids.” Ban muttered something under his breath too quietly for Gus to hear, but it sounded annoyed, “Anyway, you munchkins all ready to head out? Got’cher grab bags and toys and shit?”

“All our toys and shit are packed and ready Father.” Gustav and Beru both gave a salute before walking out to the rest of their cousins, and giving their greeting to their Aunt Diane, who was currently too big to come in the house.

Elaine glared at Ban for cursing in front of the kids, Ban smiled back unapologetically and held open the door for her to join their children.

He then turned to King with a look of pure fury on his face and questioned,

“So. Care to tell me why the Fuck my kids got a summon from the Dragon Sin of Wrath?”

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what-if-nct · 5 months

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(cw // mentions of sh in case anyone is triggered)

hii it’s christmas where i live meaning it’s probably not christmas for you (unless you waited hours to finally reply back) but i just wanna say merry christmas and thank you for being there with me during my hard and mentally draining days. it’s so hard being on social media without bumping into negativity such as real life news, people debating about bare minimum things such as rights for body autonomy, gay rights, etc, and especially for my case, being shunned by a community of people i thought were friends simply for talking about jonghyun on my posts that solely rely on users to create posts in order for the app to work.

while i wish i don’t want to be super negative all the time, this was exactly how i felt this year. i felt violated, stripped from my pride and tormented — yet i’m expected to be happy all the time and put up a brave face all the time.

the truth is, i hated turning 18 because i couldn’t bare the responsibility of being considered an adult at the face of the law, when i had my childhood partially taken away from me. nobody was there during my mental breakdowns. just because it wasn’t 2022 anymore, doesn’t mean i didn’t face cyber bullying and faced targeted harassment simply for talking about my bias just like any other kpop fan, and people liked to downplay it by telling me to “keep it to myself.” i didn’t get to do my dream course at my new college due to my grade, and i felt so fucking shit because i’ve done everything in my willpower just to get the same score 3 years in a row, nobody took my mental breakdown seriously. i was sexually harassed and taken advantaged of by several men, because they did not respect my boundaries, used me as my drunken self, and tried to contact me via twitter acting like a kpop fan from london in the comments, when he was a 25 year old man who only saw me for my body. i was overwhelmed with the way the job centre was treating me and making me feel worse for simply asking a question to prevent email spams by sending me to a centre that could help me get to know the basics of using technology. i had a job, but got scammed for 2 weeks worth of work and i never got paid. i lost £500 which i rightfully worked my ass for, even almost passing out due to walking upstairs and having my feet ache over the constant standing for 8 hours for 3 days a week. i never got to go to france and meet my cousins. it’s sucks because i was planning this since summer and i’ll never be able to go since my parents took the only savings i had to go to africa for a month due to how expensive plane tickets are. i even got fucking pregnant and not to mention, my mum started to act weird around me… and just the way i was treated after turning into an adult… i don’t really wanna go there.

i know it has been a long year, but idk if it’s gonna change at all or if it’s gonna get worse. i just wanted to have a peace of mind for once. that’s literally my wish for 2024. i just want to be free, to have amazing friends, having a normal life, just like everyone else so i don’t have to always compare myself to people on snapchat who show off their day or shout out their friends for their birthdays. i wish i could get rid of my anxiety symptoms, because now notifications, messages (especially pending ones) and anything that shows a number next to an icon would get me really fucking nervous that it would be a harassing message. i just don’t want guys to take advantage of me, i just want a loyal and sweet first boyfriend/girlfriend that is genuinely there and physically as well as emotionally. i just feel like i’m missing out on life just because some stupid systemic ableism in the uk where i was forced to learn at home and be in a special needs class, which can explain why i’m socially awkward and don’t know how to be a normal friend.

basically saying… i just want to be happy. (i’m so sorry for the vent i didn’t expect it to be this long loooool)

Merry Christmas!! there's about 10 minutes till Christmas for me. I am so sorry that this past year has been so hard on you. And its horrible that you had to endure all of that I can't even imagine how hard it's been for you. You deserve so much better than what you've received. You deserve respect, care, love, understanding and you deserve happiness and it breaks my heart you've been treated like this by so many people. I just send you the biggest hug and I'm proud of you, I know life has been hard but I'm proud of you for continuing. And I can't promise when, but things will get better and one day before you know it you will have the happiness you want and deserve and I will always be here to listen and talk to you.

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larissaljm · 9 months

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LETTING GO. (Knowing that you won’t ever see)

I know we both gave our best and I know we both have suffered as well. It’s not about you being 委屈 but I know I did too but my heart is with you for as long I’m in this rs with you, I know I’ve gave my all and it’s still not the end. We are ever growing and giving more. But then, are we supposed to give up?

My temper is bad and I’ll rage, but that doesn’t diminish all the love I have for you. You have been patient with me and so do I, that’s why we were able to last 5 years and it’s more than that. It wouldn’t have just take something suddenly to instantly throw this rs away. This is prolly the only thing I won’t be able to understand from you.

Like no matter how hard I tried in the end, things won’t change.

Yes our rs have created trauma and scar and it may have snowballed overtime, but till the end, we will just have to sit down and talk it out and tgt as a couple, we’ll figure it out. The only thing we lack is communication tbh.

And we definitely have our fun times too but how long can this fun last? Constantly? Nope. Intermittently? Yes! That’s why we are creating a life tgt, our forever, our home. This is actually us, ready to take our rs to a next level. And that’s where all the new fun begins. If constant fun is needed, I’m sure we can work on that! I’m always confident on things that I know we can achieve!

If you’re afraid, I’m afraid as well because it’s new to me when that happens. We don’t know how life will be for us, but yet this is another journey for us to go thru just like how our rs was like for these 5 years. And I’ve always let you know, a home is where I want you to feel safe and comfortable. Things to buy and what you wanna have in our home (Dyson, karaoke, sexy activities..), I told you I was able to give it all to you because all I ever wanted is you to be happy. Because you said this to me before, HAPPY WIFE = HAPPY LIFE. and it’s true. Because you’re really my happy pill. I love you so much that I could give in to you anything because I know I can. You’re greatest fear is cleanliness, just so you know I’m clean because it’s not my home, I have pressure from my mum that’s why I’m like that. But do you really see my own room clean? I don’t and I don’t actually bother. I’m messy and dirty. So when you’re afraid of this, I’m actually the same as well! Home chores and everything is what I will do for us. I just want you to be my happy wife that’s stress free. Let me absorb it all when you can’t. The days when you’re able to give 20, don’t worry I’ll give 80. I will always get you covered. You can just rely on me.

The days earlier in our rs where I’ve decided you to be my wife, has never changed. I know my mouth is bad but this is what anger can do to us. It hurts ppl but I know my heart don’t change easily. But I just need you to bear with me and see through my changes. This will go because I know if I continue to be like that, I will really lose you forever.

Ultimately, working hard for our home was something I prioritise in my life just for us. I understand that because of that, I’ve actually overlook us, missing out on dates and casual fun that we should have. We can just always work backwards to achieve that right?

And I actually love giving you surprises because I know you love them a lot! And remember? Always expect the unexpected. This is what I wanna do for us. Unexpected surprises. This time it really took a really long time to give you one and it’s too late. And it hit me so hard this time because I know I have really lose the love of my life.

Honestly compatibility is not the issue in our rs, its how we want fight and stay and to do for each other. Because when we decide we gonna stay, we will emerge stronger. We grow and change everyday. To be better for ourselves and us. We just need to stay and fight for each other:)

Till now I can’t comprehend and understand why on 21st July you type this..

“i cant give you an exact answer right now but i want you to know that i am excited for the new us. i am sorry for holding onto the negative part and breaking your heart. but i also know sorry got no cure, if possible let me try to work those so that our relationship can be better. i love you baby”

And the following week itself you decided to just wanna be single which instantly tells me you want to break up. There was no love from you anymore.

I know my heart is heavy and I still love you very much. But I can only embrace the thought of you wanting back the life you have been wanting.

I’ve always wanted myself to be your happiness forever but you said it’s too late alr. There were so many harsh words from you and it make me reflect on our rs. I only can say I know what to do next for our future. It will be great and awesome!

Anw, all I ever wanted for you is to be happy and I wish you will always get that forever.

I love you.

-L

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intothewickedwood · 2 years

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Once Upon A Time In Wonderland Rewatch: 1x05 Heart of Stone

Who is that who says “so you’re just going to jump through some magic mirror?” in the recap. Is it Ana’s mum? I thought that hadn’t happened yet. Hmm.

Hmm, it sounds like her mum, but her mum never says that in the actual show. Strange to add it in the recap.

Why is the mum so posh and she isn’t? Maybe her mum’s putting on an accent too lol.

Why does she want a Queen for a daughter? Does she have royal blood or did her mum expect her to meet a prince at a ball, like in Cinderella?

Anastasia’s Mum: “But when you come back, bring a bucket, because the only way you’ll be coming back inside my house is to empty my chamber pot.” Nice mother is nice.

The mum mentions that Anastasia has sisters, then there’s the fact that her name’s Anastasia and her mother wants her to clean her chamber pot. I was not the only one that thought she was canonically Anastasia Tremaine after all those clues. It just seems so obvious! I was so hoping that she would appear in Cinderella’s episode in s6 but then both the stepsisters in that episode were named something different. Then I really thought she was in that coffin in s7 but it was an entirely different Anastasia. A missed opportunity! I wonder if it’s possible that there are multiple Cinderella tales in one realm, or perhaps her family are originally from Oz or something. I mean, there’s a Hansel and Gretel from both the Enchanted Forest and from Oz.

Will: “I love you for who you truly are, not for what I want you to be.” That’s beautiful! And then she becomes what her mother wants her to be and stops being her true self. *Cries forever.*

Alice: “There you go. In case of rain or Snow or anything that might fall from the sky.” Aww Alice put a blanket on Will’s statue. That’s so freaking sweet of her! Stap! And she looks so sad, I can’t! Give her back her big bro, dammit.

I love Alice and Anastasia’s interactions. So much tension.

The Red Queen: “I seem to remember a little girl in a blue dress wanting her father’s love.” Okay, first of all, that’s so sad but also it begs the question, how does Anastasia know this? Did Alice perhaps trust her at one point, even so much as to confide in her? I’d have loved to have seen more of their backstory.

Marcus Tremaine!Tweedle, I still don’t understand why you’re helping Jafar.

I would never make a deal with Jafar. I’d take Anastasia’s any day over his. Though I still wouldn’t trust her.

If I were Alice, I’d be worried the Red Queen would throw me off that cliff for funsies.

Anastasia imitating a posh accent and then adopting it is one of the funniest things in this show. Especially when she does it in front of Will, cause, like, who are you fooling, girl?? Like she has to make a conscious decision to put on that accent 24/7 lol.

Listen, there’s not really anything wrong with age gaps, so long as everyone is of age and it’s consensual (looking at you, Leopold), I mean, the gap here’s gotta be similar to that of Rumple and Belle’s, but still this King creeps me out. Maybe it’s because of the Leopold and Regina parallel.

Why is the Red Queen putting her hand on Alice’s shoulder? She wants to feel like she’s pushing her off the cliff.

You would not catch me walking off a freaking cliff! That is some display of faith and bravery Alice shows.

Now that I think of it, why does the Red Queen try to ruin Alice’s life? What did she even do to her? Was it always about reuniting the genies or did Alice, like, steel from her or something?

Oh snap! She fell!

And somehow did not die. Maybe it’s like Spy Kids 2 when Carmen and Juni fall into a volcano but really they’re only experiencing the illusion of falling.

Where is that looking glass now, because that would have come in really handy for getting Alice and Will back home, rather than them having to rely on the rabbit.

Ana and Will just wanna be together but they don’t realise that the reason everything is going wrong is because he stole Maleficent’s cursed artifacts. I wonder if it’s the looking glass that’s cursed. Either way, I never noticed that detail before, but it makes so much sense. If only Will had heeded Maleficent’s warning.

Bless Cyrus. He really wanted to save the other prisoner.

It’s strange how much the other prisoner cares for Cyrus, given what we know about him.

Jafar: “She enjoys tea parties? That’s the insight you give me?” Rabbit: “Well, it’s true.” Lol.

Jesus Christ, Jafar! He sliced poor Rabbit’s foot off! He’s so brutal!

My mum’s scared of young Alice here lol.

Oh snap, creepy little Alice is a terrakinetic!

Honestly Ana, that is what you get for standing so close to the edge!

Creepy Little Alice: “Magic doesn’t work down here.” Anastasia: “Oh sh*t.”

It’s funny that both Alice’s in the Ouat world are confirmed to be pure of heart. Cool! I wonder who else is pure of heart. S7 Anastasia Tremaine is confirmed to be. I can see Anna of Arendelle and maybe Elsa being pure of heart. Maybe Henry too.

Ana likes her shiny things.

That double crossing-! What a freaking biatch, lying to Alice like that!

Yesss! Alice, you genius! She kept some of the magic and it can protect her from dark magic!

Aww. The Rabbit doesn’t give Cyrus in. He wants him to find Alice.

What’s beyond the tower?

Lol, remember that time there was an advert of this show during s3 of ouat and they had Rabbit create a portal where Snow’s private parts were lmao! And Ginny said that’s how she got pregnant and then Josh said he was gonna kill that rabbit xD.

Yeah, that’s probably why he creeps me out; he gives her an ultimatum, bribes her into marrying him. At least she has a choice but he’s rather manipulative.

I like Will’s outfits.

No, I can’t! Will’s face when he looks up at her. You can see his heart break. The betrayal and abandonment. It was supposed to be the two of them against the world. Gaaaah!

Oh God, poor Will.

But the parallels to Cora’s backstory though! That might come into play later, for those who haven’t seen yet ;).

Oh! She wanted the magic so she could unpetrify Will. Okay, then her betrayal of Alice is more forgivable.

That maze is huge!

Oh! The magic can show her where Cyrus is! Awesome!

Cyrus is free! But I’m worried about Jafar’s warning that something worse awaits those who escape the castle.

Gosh, I’m enjoying this show so much!

#ouat #once upon a time #ouatiw #once upon a time in wonderland #scarlet queen #alice in wonderland #will scarlet #ouatiw 1x05 #1x05 heart of stone #ouatiw 1x05 heart of stone #ouatiw rewatch #ouatiw rewatch 2022 #ouat rewatch #ouat rewatch 2019

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ghostdrew22 · 3 years

Text

Burning From The Inside Out || Draco Malfoy

Requested: No Pairing: Draco Malfoy x fem!reader Warnings: slight angst, slight smut, swearing, mentions of abuse and self-harm Summary: Draco and Y/N evolve from fake dating to friends with benefits to… nothing? Commitment issues, and a general distaste for love, stand in the way of the two of them becoming more.

WORDS : 4710

Lyric snippets I used are from “Love Song” by YUNGBLUD and they’re not in chronological order.

<~>

“All I learned growing up was that love chewed me up Spit me out on the pavement next to the cuts And the blood that my mum and dad would Always take out on each other.”

Draco had always thought that love was fake- a neurological con job meant to bring your guard down and distract you from the more important things in life such as money, sex and success. It made sense why he felt that way- having grown up watching his parents claw at each other until blood was caught between their nails and the venom from their harsh words was lacing the atmosphere so thickly, it felt like a fog- he was bound to think that love didn’t exist.

So when his friends began ask why he wasn’t dating one of the many people that were basically falling at his feet, he froze up. How could he have possibly explained that he thought love was a ridiculous waste of time because he’d watched his parents approach to it and it scarred him so much that he wanted to leave the whole thing alone? He couldn’t. So he did the next best thing, he asked you to fake-date him.

It was a ludicrous idea, you both knew that, but you were his best friend for years and you loved him an immeasurable amount so you figured that there was no harm in helping him out. Besides, you had a lot of people hot on your trail too and you just weren’t interested in romantically committing to anyone- more attracted to the concept of sex with no strings than to the idea of being in a long-term romantic relationship with someone.

But in all honestly, you still don’t know why you’d agreed to do it, it was stupid and a very obvious recipe for disaster. I mean in the moment it had felt like a good enough idea to get Harry Potter off of your back and Pansy Parkinson off of his, but even at the time you knew that you were playing with fire and one of you was bound to get burned.

And the thought surfaced again when you two crossed territory from friends to friends with benefits. It had started with an innocent kiss on his cheek now and then- to convince everyone that you two were actually dating- but as the weeks went by and people began to get suspicious about your lack of PDA (considering Draco’s possessive nature and your touchy nature) it became apparent that the two of you had to up your game. And one afternoon when you were kissing him on the way to class, a switch seemed to flip and soon enough you were pressed up against the broom closet wall as he sunk himself deep inside your walls- trying then and there to drown every inch of you with his touch, to leave every part of you scorching with the feel of him.

It definitely wasn’t love, that much you knew. It was more just an insatiable hunger to destroy one another - to be the best that either of you had ever had so that you would both be ruined for whoever dared to come next. Maybe that should’ve been the first red flag, the first time you noticed just how toxic your little routine was, but it didn’t matter then and frankly, it doesn’t matter much to you now. Because with him logic is quickly thrown out the window and all you can seem to think about is sinking your teeth into him, making him yours, branding him so that the entire school knows not to touch what you’ve claimed as your own- even if there’s no romantic feelings involved, there’s still a harsh possession that nests itself within your relationship. A dark desire to own and be owned in the most filthy of ways, to be looked at like a meal and devoured like a feast by one and one only.

~~~

“Wanna get rid of my period for 9 months?” You groan from your place on the bed and Draco gapes at you.

“Y/N you are so foul!” He exclaims with a chuckle and you barely manage a laugh in your pained state. “Most girls would offer to take me out to dinner first, maybe undress me slowly-“

“When have I ever undressed you slowly?” You ask with a knowing eyebrow raise and Draco smirks back at you.

“Fair point.” He replies and you groan in pain again, “It’s okay, I’m coming don’t worry.” He drops his schoolbag on your bedroom floor and peels his shoes off of his feet before pulling out a brown paper bag from his schoolbag and crawling into bed beside you.

“I got you meds from Madame Pomfrey, drink this now.” He hands you a potion, “It should kick in within the hour.”

“That’s too long.” You whine and he deadpans you- making you shift under his gaze and drink the potion. “It tastes like utter shit.”

“You drink it every month, why aren’t you used to it?” He asks with a laugh and you shrug.

“I think I force myself to forget.”

“Weirdo.” He mumbles before digging back into the paper bag, “I brought you chocolate and Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans to keep you munching.” He pulls out the snacks and hands them to you, “Heat compress to alleviate the pain till the potion kicks in.” He puts the heat compress on your lower abdomen, “And I brought ’Sense & Sensibility’ from the library to keep you distracted.”

“Why ’Sense & Sensibility’?”

“Because I know that you’ve currently got your obsession with muggle authors and I remember you telling me that you loved this woman’s other book so I just grabbed it quickly.” He shrugs and you smile, already starting to feel a little better.

“Thank you.”

“You don’t have to keep thanking me, we do this every month Y/N.” He chuckles.

He’s right, it is your routine. For as long as you can remember being friends with Draco, you can remember him looking after you whenever you have a really bad period- bringing you snacks, massaging you, singing to you, running you baths, anything that could possibly make you feel better. It’s consistent, one of the only things you both have to rely on, but you still can’t help the feeling of immense gratitude that washes over you every time. He always goes above and beyond for you, and you can’t help but feel grateful for him.

“Now,” He says as he drags your attention back to reality, “do you want me to read to you or do want cuddles?” He raises his eyebrows at you and you already know the answer.

“Cuddles.” He laughs at how quickly you respond and puts the book on the table beside your bed before hooking his arms around your waist and helping you both sink into the covers- your head nuzzled into chest as he lays flat on his back and rubs soothing circles into your own.

“Better?” He asks after a few minutes of him massaging your back and you nod eagerly- bringing your fingers up to trace lines across his collarbone in an effort to keep yourself occupied. He shivers at the feeling of your fingertips against his skin and you smile. “Keep doing that and I will have to take you up on that offer of taking away your period for nine months.”

~~~

“Nobody taught me how to love myself.”

“Standing there, you look at me Understanding everything”

The sudden eruption of voices in the hallway has you rapidly turning your neck toward the sound, just in time to catch a glimpse of Draco storming away from the rest of his exhausted quidditch teammates and into another hallway that leads to the dungeons. From what you’d seen he had looked furious and the rest of the team looks very solemn, so you say goodbye to Tracey Davis and quickly shuffle toward the team so that you can ask Blaise what happened.

Blaise catches your eye right before you reach him and opens his arms to hug you- draping one arm around your shoulders and pulling you into him so he can kiss your forehead. “Bad practice, he couldn’t do anything right today.” He says- already knowing what question was on your mind.

“Do you know what’s up with him?” You look up at him with furrowed eyebrows and his shakes his head with a shrug.

“No clue. He was perfectly fine this morning, then by the time practice came he was fuming.”

“He’s angry?”

“He was angry. Now he’s just… sad?” Blaise sighs, “I really don’t know what’s going on, please check on him?”

You nod with a small smile and make to leave, “I’ll go see him right now.”

By the time you reach the common room Draco’s already in his room- something you figured out from the sound of his door slamming harshly- and you trek up to it nervously.

“Draco?” You ask softly as you open the door and find him hunched over his desk- still fully draped in quidditch gear.

He snaps his head up quickly and meets your eyes with a cold stare. “What?”

“Okay, rude.” You mumble as you step into the room and lean against the door. “Are you okay?”

He scoffs and rolls his eyes as he turns to face you from across the room, “Yeah, I’m bloody great.” He shrugs, “I’m the world’s worst seeker and my mother’s in the hospital, it’s truly a wonderful life.” He drawls sarcastically.

You push yourself off of the door at the mention of his mother and quickly stride toward him, “What do you mean your mother’s in the hospital?” You raise your eyebrows- concern erupting from your throat.

He doesn’t say anything but slowly turns behind him and picks up a letter from the desk to hand to you. He sighs and leans against the desk as you take it from him and begin to read the letter from his father.

a mild heart attack as she fell down the stairs.

Your eyes glaze over with anger as you scrunch the letter up and toss it to the ground. You’re no stranger to the abuse that goes on in the Malfoy household- having heard it yourself one night when you’d spend a weekend at their home- and you know that what Lucius really means is that he hit her so hard that she had to be hospitalised. You open your mouth to speak but Draco shakes his head and cuts you off.

“No. No Speaking.” You nod as he sighs and rubs his hands across his face in frustration. You take no offense at his words because, to be honest, nothing you could’ve said would make it better anyway. This has happened so often, too often really, that the two of you have evolved passed the need to converse about it.

“Fuck!” He exclaims suddenly and you flinch at the outburst- making him soften instantly as he turns to face you. “I’m sorry, I… I didn’t mean to startle you.”

You nod in forgiveness and he reaches his arms out for you, and you do as he asks and sink into his arms- running your hands through his hair as he leans on the desk and you stand.

“I hate him.”

“I know.” You pull away from him and cup his face so he looks into your eyes. “Go take a shower, you stink.”

He laughs sadly and nods as he stands and starts walking to the bathroom. He stops midway and turns back to you, “Will you still be here when I get back?”

“Where else would I go?” You raise your eyebrows at him with a smile and he smiles back before slipping into his prefect bathroom to shower.

While he’s showering you decide to get changed into something more comfortable- putting on one of his shirts over your underwear- and put out his favourite pyjama pants on the bed for him to wear once he’s gotten out of the shower. Then you climb into his bed and start reading the copy of ‘Sense & Sensibility’ that he got after reading with you and realising Jane Austen is actually pretty good, while you wait for him to get done.

“Nobody taught me how to love myself So how can I love somebody else?”

You’re so entranced by the book that you don’t even notice him come back into the room until he’s speaking to you from the foot of the bed. “Did you take these out for me?”

“Mhmm.” You respond without taking your eyes off the page in front of you.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welco-“ You gasp as your eyes come off the page and meet his figure. He’s still dripping from the shower, a towel tied around his torso, and he’s got bruises all around his abdomen. “Draco!”

You get up and climb round the bed to get him, and he barely has any time to slide his bottoms on before he starts shuffling away from you.

“It’s nothing, I promi-“ He winces as soon as one of your hands makes contact with a bruise near his ribs.

“Draco.” You pull your hand back angrily and speak with a warning tone.

“Y/N it’s-“

“You promised me this would stop.” You state firmly and he gulps in fear. “We’ve been friends what, 6 years now? And in the six years that we’ve known each other I’ve done a countless amount of shit for you, no fucking questions asked. I ask, no, I beg you to do one thing and you can’t even do that?”

“It just happened.” He sighs tiredly and you scoff with a laugh.

“No, it didn’t just happen. You let it happen. Or am I wrong?”

“I-“

“You know what? I don’t even want to hear it.” You walk back to the bed with a shake of your head.

You’ve asked him a million times not to go sparring with Blaise, Crabbe and Goyle before Quidditch practice because he always comes back black and blue- smothered in painful bruises on his entire abdomen. He only does it because he thinks that he deserves the pain, that in some weird way he’s getting what’s due to him for existing. It’s his own way of self-harming and it’s led him to Madame Pomfrey more times than you can possibly remember.

He promised you months ago that he’d stop for good, that he’d start taking better care of himself and stop looking for excuses to get hurt when he felt bad about himself. But bad habits, it seems, tend to die hard when you’re self-loathing masochist who can’t trust his best friend enough to talk to her when he starts to feel like shit.

“I’m sorry, I just needed something to take my mind off of it.” He trails behind you and picks up his wand to cast a silencing charm- anticipating the screaming match that you’re both about to have.

“Why didn’t you just talk to me? I’m your fucking best friend, what the hell else am I here for?”

“I know, I’m sorry I just…”

“You just?”

“I’m always coming to you with my problems, burdening you with my thoughts and it’s just not fair.”

“What?” You snap at him in confusion.

“I come crying to when my parents are doing their usual shit, I come to you when I have a bad Quidditch game, I come to you when I get a bad grade- fuck- I even come to you when I’m too scared to get into a relationship-“

“I chose to help you with that, don’t fucking act like you forced me into this because it was mutually beneficial.”

“That’s not the bloody point Y/N!” He yells in exasperation.

“Then what is the fucking point Draco?” You yell back.

He sighs, clenches his fists and closes his eyes. “The point is, I’m more bad than good for you, I’m a burden.”

You gasp at his words and sit on the edge of the bed as you look up at him in astonishment. That’s what he said to you the first time that you talked about his home life, ‘I think that they fight because of me, I ruined their lives. I’m a burden.’

“You’re not a burden.”

“You say that now. Until the day when you want more comes and I can’t give it to you.” He sits on the edge of the bed beside you, “One day this won’t be enough- you’ll want someone who can love you the way that you want to be loved- and I won’t be strong enough to do that. And then I’ll lose the only good thing I have in my life.”

“I’ll never leave you- I don’t think I could even if I tried.” You laugh awkwardly and pull him into your chest for a hug. “I don’t want more Draco, I don’t think I ever will. It sounds hard to believe but being best friends who occasionally have mind-boggling sex is quite enough for me, it makes me happy.”

“Promise me that you’ll tell me if you want more.” He mumbles into your chest.

“I promise bug.” You whisper as you rub his back soothingly- letting him relax into your embrace.

After a few seconds of silence he speaks again, “They’re going to kill each other.” He whispers- so quiet that you think maybe you imagined it- before a soft sob escapes his lips.

“Shh, it’s okay.” You whisper back and continue soothing him by running your fingers along his bare back- stopping every few seconds to massage his ribs a bit- in an effort to help him calm down.

You don’t tell him that they won’t, because in all honesty you don’t know if they won’t, but you hold him tight for as long as he needs and promise him that you’ll be there for him. And that’s enough for the both of you- knowing that you’ll always be there for each other.

You sit like that for a while as he calms down and his breathing evens out- his head in your chest as one of your hands holds his and the other digs into his skin softly. It’s when he stops rubbing his thumb along the back of your hand, and instead starts rubbing it up and down your thigh, that you realise he’s finally breathing normally again. “Y/N?”

“Hm?” You hum in response as he pulls his head out of your chest and brings his lips up to your neck.

“Can we have some of that mind-boggling sex you talked about?” He asks against your collarbone and you laugh at his sudden change in attitude.

“I take it someone’s feeling better?” You ask as you let him take control of the situation and push you onto your back against the mattress.

“No.” He says, voice muffled as his lips graze against the skin on your neck, as his hands travel along your sides delicately. “But I need to feel you.”

“Dra-“ You start to protest- wanting to tell him that he can’t fuck his sadness away- but he cuts you off with a chaste kiss to your lips as his hands find their way beneath the t-shirt that you’re wearing and come up to unhook your bra.

“Please?” He asks desperately when he finally pulls away from your lips, his voice raw and raspy, “Let me take care of you princess.”

You’re still hesitant to agree, worried that he’s using this as a coping mechanism and scared that it’ll worsen the pain he’s feeling in his abdomen, but his lips find that soft spot behind your ear and you melt into his grasp like ice-cream on a thirty-degree day. “Let me make you feel good.”

“Okay.” Is all you say before he’s making good on his promise and making you feel so good that it’s as if there’s lava crawling beneath your bones.

His lips and hands are everywhere you need them, not hesitating to give you what you want as they usually do, not acting at a torturously slow pace. Tonight there’s no teasing, no tug-of-war between you both to see who cracks first, there’s just immense passion and trust- all the unsaid words left floating in the air are now dancing between your lips as they connect over and over again.

In this moment he’s Picasso and all he can think about is painting over you with his lips, his hands, his cock as it digs against your inviting walls, with every colour of the rainbow until the world itself is drained of all vibrancy because he’s given it all to you.

You meant what you said before, sex with Draco is always mind-boggling and lip-bitingly pleasurable, but this is different. It makes you finally understand what people mean when they say that they can see God at the height of their climax- that they feel as though their bodies are overheating and they’re going to combust at any moment.

He has never been this soft before, usually sex with him is fast, rough, hard, and all about building up the tallest tower of arousal so you can both knock it down with earth-shattering orgasms. But this is so different. This is soft, sensual, almost slow in a way- it says more than any words you two could possibly try to use to explain how much you value each other. You’re not in love, that’s for sure, but this feeling, this painfully exquisite moment, is the closest thing you two will ever get to uttering the words, “I love you”, to each other.

Who needs love when the two of you have each other to make you feel like you’re both burning from the inside out?

~~~

Now, as you sit next to him in Potions and watch intently as he chops up the next set of ingredients, you think that perhaps it’s you who’s going to set on fire.

“Y/N? Are you listening?”

“Hm?” You furrow your eyebrows at him as you zone back in, “Sorry, I zoned out for a second.”

“You seem to be doing a lot of that lately, are you okay?” He asks genuinely as he stops working on the potion to focus a soft gaze on you.

You gulp and nod, giving him a fake smile, “Yes, of course, don’t worry.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, seriously.” You bring your hand up to his arm as reassurance and smile again- trying to ignore how taut his muscles feel beneath your fingers, even with all the fabric between them- “What were you saying?”

“Oh!” He smiles brightly, “I was asking if you want to go down to the Black Lake next period? Since we’re both free?”

“And do what?” You narrow your eyes at him but grin still.

“I don’t know- drown ourselves, skinny dip, have a picnic- whatever your heart desires.”

“If you’re just looking for an excuse to see me naked then all you have to do is ask.” You smirk.

“I wouldn’t need to take you all the way there if I wanted to see you naked.” He grins widely and you roll your eyes, “I’ve just been wanting to go down there for a while and I thought I might as well bring you along.”

“Because you love my company?”

“Because you probably have nothing better do and no one else to hang out with.”

“We both know half the boys in this grade would drop everything for ten minutes with me, I could easily find someone to hang out with.” You reply very brazenly and he rolls his eyes at you. It’s true, more than half of the boys in the grade have tried to ask you out at least once, Potter being the most insistent, and if push came to shove you could easily find someone else to spend your free period with.

Not that you want to, free periods with Draco have actually become one of your favourite pastimes. Usually spent working on extra school work, or chatting, or trashing on Harry Potter- which happens considerably often since you both don’t like him.

“Too bad for them because you’re coming with me.”

“Because?” You raise your eyebrows at him- waiting for him to admit what you want to hear- and he mumbles a reply that you don’t quite catch- “Excuse me?”

“Because I love your company…”

“I know.” You smile with a giggle.

“Sweetheart, you are Changing my mind”

“There ain’t no excuses I swear that I’m doing my best”

“Do you still think love is fake?” You ask as you both lie in the grass and stare up at the sky- enjoying one of the only sunny days you’ll be getting this June.

“Hm?” Draco hums in questioning and you turn on your side to face him- propping your head up on your palm as you lean on your elbow.

“Love. Do you still think it’s a hoax?”

He sighs and blinks a bit before taking a gulp and averting his eyes from the sky to meet your own. “I don’t know.”

“I think in the time that we’ve been pretending to date, I’ve felt a lot of new emotions that I’d never felt before. I can’t tell you if it’s love or not because well, I don’t know what that’s supposed to look like or feel like, but I do know that I like it. It’s different to anything I’ve ever felt before because it’s comfortable and warm- it’s home in a way. It’s the kind of feeling home is meant to give me, not the dread and fear I feel when I get off the Hogwarts Express and find my parents waiting for me on the platform. Not the emptiness I feel when I have to sit through dinners with them and we have to pretend that we’re a happy family. Not the sadness I feel when I’m locked up in my room and I can hear them screaming at each other at the top of their lungs downstairs. It doesn’t feel like what I feel when I think of the Malfoy Manor, the only way I can describe what it feels like is by saying that it feels like what I feel when I think of you, or when I’m with you.”

“And what do you feel when you think of me?” You ask.

“I feel safe and happy and like there’s fire coursing through my veins - almost like I’m burning from the inside out. I don’t know if that’s what love is supposed to feel like- I’ve got no one to ask- but I know that I like feeling that way.” He closes his eyes and takes a breath, “So, to answer your question, I don’t know if I still think love is fake. All I know is that I don’t feel that hopelessness that usually consumes me, when I’m with you.”

You look at him in awe- utterly speechless and completely amazed by the words he’s just spoken to you. You can’t ask him for anything more than that, he’s clearly trying his best to be open to love and honest with you, and you don’t really want more anyway- it’s enough knowing that the two of you make each other happy. What you two have is enough. “You are fucking ethereal.” You breathe out as you sink back to the ground and go back to looking at the sun.

“So are you.” Draco says back as he picks up your hand and intertwines your fingers together. He doesn’t think that love is a hoax, he thinks that maybe he’s falling in love with you, but he’s not ready to admit that just yet- not when the fear of the only solid good thing in his life disappearing still haunts him with every waking moment. Not when you’re not showing any signs of romantic attraction toward him, because he can’t afford to be another dotted line in your book of conquests just because he got soft and caught feelings for you.

He’s not sure of himself yet, how can he be when no one ever taught him how to trust in his ability to be lovable? How can he be when even his own mother and father give him leftover scraps of affection veiled as the unconditional love of parents. Letting himself fall in love with you is a big risk to take when his own insecurities swarm his thoughts day and night, when his own fear of commitment swallows him up whole at every interval in which he thinks he’s ready to be vulnerable. No, he’s not ready to fall in love with you yet. But he’s trying to get there.

<~>

So, this ending is not what I originally envisioned, that one was a lot more compact and fluffy than this one is but I much prefer this one. When I first started writing this fic I actually started with the ending and worked my way backwards but when I finally got to the beginning I realized that the ending just didn’t fit anymore and I had to end it here.

I’m much happier with this ending because it’s undefined and open to interpretation. In a way Y/N is aromantic but in a way she’s also not- I couldn’t decide so I left it in a way that the reader can decide.

I’m planning on using the original ending in something different, which I will post here once it’s done, but yeah, this is the fic.

Anyway, love you all,

jean <3

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heartshyuck · 3 years

Text

Pairing: Haechan x reader

Genre: fluff, enemies to best friends to lovers, college au

Synopsis: he was the sun but you liked the moon more.

Word count: 6.3k (I know it's literally double the word limit 🥲)

Warnings: swearing

a/n: this is dedicated to @bl--ankhaeji, for the secret santa (@neoculturechristmas ), I hope you have a great holiday and a happy new year <3 sorry I made you wait forever!

Beautiful was the moon, the way she gracefully arose to the sky shining down on earth guiding those who travelled late at night. Accompanied by the stars, she outshone all those no matter how much she showed of herself in the night sky. In winter she ruled the skies with her reign lasting even when the sun would emerge, she would still look mesmerising and for that reason you loved winter. With the moon high above watching over you and the white specs of snow that gracefully fell, illuminated by white light; you walked through the empty campus back towards your dorm, it was pretty late but there were still a few passing bodies that relieved some of your building anxiety.

Once you approached near, your fingers had already begun to numb, the tip of your nose kissed with frost and your toes frozen in place despite the many layers trying to keep you warm. Your hands shake slightly as you try to lift the key to the lock, hearing your struggles to open the door your roommate comes and saves you as he opens the door before you can. The warmth of the house engulfs you and it's like a pair arms have wrapped round you, protecting you from the harsh cold outside, instantly you begin to warm up.

"Why do you insist on walking back in a blizzard" Jaemin rolls his eyes and shakes his head as he steps aside letting you in and closing the door behind you. "Literally just call me or Jeno and we'll pick you up" he whines, as always nagging and telling you off in the most loving way, and it only makes you smile, genuinely touched that he cares so much about you.

"Because Jaems you both have lives and I don't want to be a hassle" you say as you rid yourself of your outside gear and then make your way to the living room, him following shortly behind you. Jaemin and Jeno are both good friends, more like brothers or as you like to put it, guardian angels that the goddess of the moon sent to you upon your new dawn here at Neo University. From showing up when you needed an apartment to being there to remind you to eat when you were studying late into the night, you were indebted to them forever. "You could never be a hassle," Jaemin argues.

"Who's a hassle?" Jeno walks into the room, food in hand and he chucks you both your favourite snack and again you're reminded how much they take care of you. "Me. I'm a hassle" you raise your arm, waving your hand a bit and Jeno sits beside you, covering himself and you in a blanket as he shoots you his famous eye smile, that reminds you of a crescent moon.

"Last I checked you were a y/n, not a hassle" Jeno giggles, you and Jaemin both rolling your eyes at his incredibly bad jokes, though you're used to them by now. After a good few seconds of him still laughing at the horrible joke, he clears his throat "anyways Jaemin is right but if you don't wanna rely on us, how about you get a boyfriend" he raises his eyebrows.

"Well sorry to break it to you but there are no decent guys in this uni" Jeno pouts and Jaemin quickly chucks in a "hey we go here too" in protest, but you continue within the same breath, "all fuckboys who truly do not give a shit about anything but getting their dick wet" you huffed out in obvious built up annoyance directed to the male species.

"What about Renjun? He's decent and you guys are good friends" Jeno asks "surely if you're friends, he has to be decent"

"I saw Renjun in diapers, his mum's shown me pictures of him as a naked baby, I could never date him;he's literally my brother" you list off the reasons as to why you could never see Renjun in that way, you had known each other since before you could walk.

"Maybe you should stop brother zoning guys then" Jaemin says under his breath in a pout and you send slit eyes his way and he smiles at you in return.

"Okay what about Haechan" and as those words fall from Jeno's mouth, laughter erupts from Jaemin. Again you roll your eyes for what seems like the tenth time in this conversation, Jeno is visibly confused by both your reactions as his eyebrows furrow and nose scrunches up slightly. "What's so funny" this comment only makes Jaemin laugh more and you throw a pillow at him in hopes of shutting him the fuck up but it doesn't. "Best joke you've ever told" Jaemin says in between laughs "she hates Haechan's guts"

"I don't hate him" you snap back at him and Jeno's confused look turns into a surprised one "hates a strong word, i just dislike him" you explain yourself but Jeno's expression is dying for a better explanation "I find him insufferable and annoying as hell"

"But why" Jeno says almost in a cry "he's nice, fun and honesty is the mood maker. He's great." Jaemin nods along showing that he agrees with Jeno

"If he's so great, you date him" you roll your eyes and it's a childish comment but the topic of Lee Haechan and him in general brings that side of you out. "I think he's self absorbed, thinking he's the center of the universe and lights up everyone's world" Haechan calls himself the sun and honestly it's obnoxious but fitting you think. To all those around him he seems like the sun, but even the sun is insignificant amongst the millions of stars in the universe. He's just the center of a solar system that's amongst millions of others. He's nothing special but he thinks he is and it sums him up pretty well you think plus you've always liked the moon more anyways. "Also can we drop my depressing love life and watch a movie" you sigh, it’s not like you weren’t already thinking about you being incredibly single, you didn’t need these two idiots to remind you.

"Yeah please, she's hopeless anyways" and again you throw another cushion at Jaemin, landing square on his face,”I’m not wrong” he cries out, hugging the pillow “you refuse to get a driver’s licence too” and you jab him in the ribs with you elbow causing his to yelp, again rolling your eyes.

A few days past and much to your relief the topic of both, relationships and Haechan don’t come up again but it was silly of you to assume that God would be so kind to let it drop so easily. Of course Jeno had to bring it up the next time he saw Renjun, “So i was the only one who didn’t know y/n hates Hyuck” Jeno whines a little too loudly in the cafe you all were seated in. It’s a small place, right on campus, decorated with strings of fairy lights that give off a warm hue to the place; it’s open all day and it’s here you found Jeno and Jaemins want for a roommate poster on the notice board. “Jeno can you be quiet, anyone can overhear and like i said i don’t hate him” your voice dropped into a whisper as if it could undo any damage Jeno may have done and you spoke through gritted teeth.

"It's not like he's here" he argued back and as if he had summoned him Lee freaking Haechan walks through the cafe doors. He strides in with confidence circling around him, dressed in his infamous playboy outfit, the leather jacket and black combat boots, he holds a smirk across his face as he scans the room; all eyes are on him as the bell that hung above the door announces his arrival as if royal blood coursed through his veins. In these moments you understand why Haechan believes he is the center of the universe because here everyone orbits him, everyone but you. Everyone stops and stares, their eyes lingering at each step he takes and each expression he makes. Their weary of his eyes, just in case they stop on theirs, everyone but you because you couldn't care any less. The sun is blinding and it's irritating and you'd much rather avoid it, as he steps closer towards your table; recognising the boys that accompany you, he smiles and waves in their direction, you get up to leave. "I need to go" you blurt out, pushing your chair out abruptly, it scrapes against the floor, the screech making you cringe. "I'm gonna be late for my next lesson" you clear your throat of any awkwardness and grab your things before any of them could question or comment on the situation, you rush past Haechan not giving him a second look.

Jeno's eyes widen at the scene that had just unfolded in front of him, his mouth slightly gaping, Renjun sighs and rolls his eyes before giving a welcoming smile to Haechan who stands there confused whilst Jaemin simply continues to drink his coffee, firmly believing if he act like it didn't happen, then did it really happen. "Is y/n okay?" Haechan asks with genuine concern in his voice and in the same breath he continues to question the three, "is it me or does she always seem to leave when I arrive?"

The three sit there in slight awkwardness that hangs in the air, it's not hard to answer this question, the simple answer would be a yes. Another simple answer would be to just shrug him off and tell him you have a lecture, a lie but still a rather simple answer and before the lie could leave Renjun's mouth, the truth slips out of Jeno's. "Yeah she absolutely hates you" Haechan's smile falters and Jaemin chokes on air.

"What the fuck Jeno" Renjun gawked, jaw hanging, there's a heavy silence and it probably only lasted a few seconds but it felt like forever as everyone just stared at each other, only breaking when Jaemin laughs a little raising confusion amongst the three others who stare back at him. "Good joke Jeno, best one you've told" he places hand on Jeno's shoulder and kicks him under the table. Laughter erupts from both Jeno and Renjun as they try and attempt to cover up the damage. "Yeah y/n just has a lesson" Renjun laughs out and tries to emphasise this to Haechan who's now laughing but with obvious hesitation in it, awkwardness still sitting in the air.

"Oh shit, I just forgot I had to meet up with Mark" Haechan waves to the boys as he leaves the cafe, a sigh leaves his mouth as he finally exits the cafe, his shoulders drop and a deep breath he didn't know he was holding left his lungs. He sees your figure still in the distance and he's not sure what takes over him but his legs being to move. Faster and faster, Haechan runs towards your figure that only seems to be getting further, maybe it was his pride that was hurt or maybe it was curiosity as to why you hated him or maybe it was because Haechan liked a challenge.

The heavy steps and heaving breaths catch up to you quickly, getting louder and louder you stop and turn back, Lee Haechan stands chest rising and falling rapidly bent down with his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath. "Haechan, what the hell are you doing?" He lifted his finger up indicating for you to give a minute for his lungs to catch up with his body, you roll your eyes and it’s action that doesn't go unnoticed as he begins to speak through his heaving breaths, struggling. “I heard you hate me” it’s breathy and deep but you make it out all the same, a wave or shock and slight embarrassment overtakes you, a heat rising up your neck and to your cheeks and you’re quick to shake your head, denying his allegations. “No. what? no i don’t-” you stammer over your words until you're cut off by Haechan, as always he’s the one that controls the conversation.

“Jeno told me” he clears his voice, finally have caught his breath, “by the look on renjun’s face and your reaction, he wasn’t lying” you grimace at his words “so I’m here to change your mind” Your mouth gapes as he stands there glowing in the white light that reflects off the snow, it angers you how beautiful he looks yet his ego is insufferable and too suffocating for you to focus on that.

“Fuck you Lee Jeno” you mumble under your breath and haechan smirks at the comment, “honestly Haechan i don’t hate you” you begin to explain hoping you’ll get out of this, whatever this is. “I just don’t like you as much as others do and that’s normal”

“No it’s not” again your cut off and you’re pretty convinced he’s in love with the sound of his own voice with how many times it’s happened “you can’t hate me” and at this you scoff, eyes rolling back so far into your head you’re sure they’ll get stuck.

“I have a lesson” you say turning on your heels, every conversation with Haechan is a reminder as to why you can’t stand him. He loves himself a little too much, he has a superiority complex that’s consistently being fed, he thinks he’s the epitome of perfection and he thinks he’s the sun, center of everyone’s universe.

“What lesson, I’ll walk you there” he says as he follows your footsteps, prisoning you as he wraps his arm around yours, you're confused, shocked and baffled, legs stopping, as you look down at the junction where both your arms meet and you try to release yourself but his grip is too strong. “Come on, let’s go” he pulls you, not knowing where your lesson is. “You’re a history major right?” he keeps talking, not allowing you to even answer the question “so you must either be in building B or C, but since psych usually runs at this time in C, i guess your in B” again he doesn’t waste a second before pulling you towards the building he assumes is where your lesson is. You pull back, still in complete shock as to everything that’s going on, you just said you didn’t like him and by how quickly he was able to deduce where you next lesson is, you're pretty certain he knows you don't’ want to spend any time with him and of course he knows, the smirk is evident of that. He doesn’t care what you want, for his pride you must like him because the existence of your hatred itself is an imperfection of his, a cloud covering the sun.

“Haechan just please leave me alone” it’s like you're speaking to a wall, completely ignored as he just navigates his way to your building, arm still interlinked with yours and every now and then when you try to pry your hand out, his grip tightens. “You’re hurting my arms” you deadpan and he turns back, loosening his grip and rubbing your arm.

“Sorry” he laughs a little and smiles, you don’t know what it is but for the first time you’ve looked at Haechan and the irking feeling of wanting to punch his face isn’t there, his face looking a little less punchable. You shake your head, choosing not to believe the bubbling feelings of butterflies and warmth on your stomach as that smile replays in your head, again and again. You let him continue leading you to lecture, too tired to fight anymore.

You don’t even notice when you’ve reached your destination blindly following Haechan, until he stops suddenly turning again as he flashes his brightest smile and it’s as if golden rays are dancing on your skin, lighting you up, sparking warmness in your chest. You’re flying too close to the sun. “We’re here” he says happily and finally releases your arm from his captive.

“Thanks” you mumble annoyed but not as annoyed as you thought you’d be, there was a warmth that comforted you, a woody musk that swirled around you placing you in a trance. Haechan glowed, ethereal he was with all his beauty on display and you realise if kept his mouth shut more often you probably would be just as in love as all the other girls but thank god he doesn’t have an off switch because you will not fall in love with Lee Haechan. The one who melts hearts and burns skin, everyone who’s got too close bursting into flames.

“I’ll see you after your class” he waves turning back to the direction you just came from, your heart finally returning back to a normal pace the further Haechan walks away from you, the cold from the snow returning to your skin, finally your world has span on its axis away from the sun allowing the moon’s white light to cool you down and comfort you.

Your lecture went on for about two hours, your eyes nearly closing towards the end as at this point not even caffeine isn’t getting you through these long days and you’re sure your lack of sleep is causing you to hallucinate, because there sat at the bottom of the stairs that lead up to building B stands Lee Haechan, Lee fucking Haechan. When he said see you after class you didn’t think he meant straight after class. Fear rises and you beg he doesn’t turn around. It’s fine you tell yourself, just don’t look in his direction and don’t draw any attention to yourself. You walk down the first couple of stairs, slowly thinking it’ll make you invisible or something and then comes the screams. Girls that flock past shouting Haechan’s names, he turns around and there he sees you, nose scrunched up as you cringe at the banshees and sigh in defeat as your attempt of an eclipse fails.

Haechan waves at the girls as he walks up to you, snatching your folders out your arms he carries, “so where are we off to now?” he asks, grabbing your hands in his, your hands are cold, fingers frozen but his are warm, a never ending supply of heat emitting off of him.

“I’m going to the library” you say, taking your hand out of his “no idea where you’re going to next” you smile at him, snatching your folder back. Haechan can’t help but smirk, he really loves a challenge.

“Oh wow what a coincidence, I was on my way there too” he smiles and takes your folders back out of your grasp, “so let me help you” you let a deep sigh out and close your eyes trying to regain some of your patience. You decide it’s best to not fight it, you walk past him letting him carry your folders and he runs to be by your side again catching your hand in his. You don’t know he’s playing but you allow it to happen, after spending two hours learning about medieval medicine, eyes closing slightly, you allow Haechan to warm up your hands. Some sun is good for you, right?

“So you just not gonna work” you look up from the book you’ve been staring at for the last thirty minutes, Haechan choosing your face to stare at instead, he only smiles at your word as he rests his head on his hand.

“I am studying” he says with mock offence as if he’s been accused of something he hasn’t done, “I’m studying beauty” he smirks looking directly in your eyes and all though you roll them an unbearable heat still manages to rise up. “You hungry? we should take a break”

“Why is my face boring you” you look down at the book, trying your best to stay focused but the universe really isn’t letting that happen today. For it places a giant burning ball of fire in your path, one that feels warm from a distance but once you instantly get too close you’ll combust, so you have to keep your distance not ready to give your heart up for anyone just yet.

“No never” again in that sarcastic offended tone, that just irks you, seriously you’re impressed at your patience in not having punched him in the jaw by now. “But i thought you might be getting bored and studying History must make you hungry”

“I’m not hungry, thanks” you cut him off, not looking up from your book hoping that the less interest you show, the quicker he gets bored. However, like you said, the universe is not allowing that to happen and your body betrays you for not feeding it earlier. Your stomach rumbles and it doesn’t help that the library is dead silent, the sound echoes and Haechan lets out a soft laugh.

“I think you are, don’t worry I’ll go get snacks” instantly getting up and heading towards the vending machine that awaits outside. This is it you think to yourself, this is your chance to escape his burning presence, finally be free and all you have to do is run out the door. Quickly you pack up your belongings, shoving everything into your bag before Haechan comes back and out the library door you ran, freeing yourself from his burning presence but not for long as he trails after you. As a kid you thought the Sun was following you as you would stare out the window of the moving car, thinking you were the center of the galaxy, only to find out you orbit the Sun instead but now as the sun trails after you, his legs speeding up to reach your side, you guess you are at the center of this galaxy. "Why do you keep running" he shouts as he tries his best to reach you

"Because you're insufferable, Lee Haechan" you shout back, still keeping up your fast pace, not taking a second to spare him a glance.

"And you think you're not" he scoffs and sighs in disbelief, a sound that makes your skin crawl. “I hate to break it to you but you’re pretty annoying too” and the statement shoots straight to your heart, out of all people who was he to say that, causing your legs instinctively to turn; your fast and loud stomps directed straight at him.

“I’m the annoying one? Says the one who’s none stop bothering me for hurting his superiority complex. I’m sorry Haechan that you’re not as perfect as you thought you were, sorry that one person in this whole world doesn’t like you and I’m sorry you aren’t the center of my universe” you step closer and closer as you ramble about what about him just infuriates you and all Haechan can do is roll his eyes at you and even has the nerve to let out a small laugh that only seeps wrath further into your bloodstream, intoxicating you. Everything about Lee Haechan does that to you, his smirk, his attitude, his carved by the gods features and that damn smile. He’s a menace, the core of chaos and the true essence of calamity and yet somehow it’s exhilarating enough for you to crave his presence and it causes your skin to crawl, your eyes to roll. Too close and you’ll burn. “What’s so funny?” annoyance dripping of every word.

“I just find it funny how you’ve placed me on a pedestal in your head of being perfect, superior and then decided to hate me because of it” he inches closer, heat radiating off his body , his lips so close to yours, you feel the words that next leave his mouth with each movement, his breath sending chills down your spine “the image of me in your head, isn’t my fucking problem” he steps back after finally being satisfied with how startled he’s left you, leaving you dazed as his words hit you hard. His warmth no longer there, you shiver yet his words still hang in the air as they plague your mind, repeating themselves again and again. He walks further away and you let him have the last say because you're sure he’ll be back, his pride won’t allow you to hate him for much longer, won’t allow you to block his rays of light. He’s right the way you perceive him isn’t his problem but that doesn’t mean he won’t go out of his way to change that and nor does it mean your perception of him is wrong, even if it’s just at surface level you know enough about Lee Haechan to predict his next move. He’ll be back.

"Ugh" you scream out, letting out a deep sigh, eye's screwed shut as you let the snow fall on your face in hopes of letting it cool you down but then there's a burning on your wrist, fire swirling around you, sparks dancing on your skin and stars shoot through your bloodstream. You're pulled and pushed, swung around until your eyes land back on his, you should've known the sun never really disappears even when it sets, eyes burning red; anger, passion or lust you’re not quite sure but burning orbs are staring right at you. You don’t even have time to respond as both his hands reach up, gripping at the side of your face, holding tight as he crashes his lips onto yours. Your lips melted, his in a hurry as he harshly pressed against yours, passion overflowing in each rough movement, his warmth radiant and you welcome the burning sensation for once. Finally you move your lips against his. The kiss is messy, teeth clashing against each other occasionally, with his grip on your face tightening, you crumpling his shirt as you hold on as if you’d fall without support, his scent intoxicating and strong and you press your body further into his and it’s as if a knot has come undone. As if the air it’s self released a heavy sigh as it seems lighter and all fades away as you begin to float, lips moving in perfect unison until the last of the oxygen in your lungs is exchanged and the burning scorches your lung even after Haechan pulls away, with a heaving chest. “Try hating me with that” he huffs out, lips swollen and eyes glossy and again the sun sets.

Again he leaves you stunned, holding on to your lips as you walk home in hopes that the warmth from them won’t leave just yet, the scene playing in your head over and over again as if it was the greatest blockbuster but a buzzing snaps you out of it and you flinch at the sudden noise. Your phone flashing bright with an unknown number, hesitantly you pick up. “Um hello” nerves evident in your voice

“I’m picking you up tomorrow at 5, be ready” and with that you roll your eyes, his voice still annoying your ears. “Also before you ask, Jeno gave me your number” he tells you as if he could hear your thoughts aloud.

“I’m gonna kill you Lee” you whisper under your breath and Haechan isn’t sure if it was directed at him or Jeno but he hopes it would be the latter and chooses to ignore it.

“Anyways 5pm, okay” he repeated once again, asking for confirmation that you heard him.

“You really can’t just leave me alone, can you?” you whine in annoyance but Haechan finds it cute and it only pushes him more to continue bothering you.

“And have you forget me and my handsome face, never could allow that now could we” he teases

“Handsome? More like punchable, trust me i could never forget how much i want to just wipe that smirk off your face” you argue back, how could he even think you could forget him after that kiss. It’s all you could think about.

Ignoring your comment, he continues “Yeah well 5 tomorrow, I’ll be waiting outside your place, dress warmly” he tells you for the third time and without even saying bye, hangs up.

“Ugh stupid Lee Haechan” you kick some snow in your path as you continue to walk home.

When you got home that evening you didn’t waste a second in trying to kill Jeno, trying would have turned into having killed Jeno if it wasn’t for Jaemin who had been there to hold you back. Yet that’s the last thing on your mind right now, now all you can think about is what to wear tomorrow. “Something warm” you keep repeating to yourself, mind wandering to where you'll be going instead of choosing something to wear and time flies past and before you know it, it’s already 5pm. Haechan is outside honking, being his usual obnoxious self, having no patience as usual. You run out the house, shoes not even on properly and quickly shooting Jeno a middle finger as he smirks watching you leave. He’s honking all the way until you sat down in the car. “You’re so annoying, you know that right” you tell him as you fasten your seatbelt.

“Yes, you remind me every breathing moment” he rolls his eyes and starts driving, christmas songs playing.

“Well if you weren’t so annoying every breathing moment, i wouldn’t have to remin-” your cut off by your own breath that gets stuck in your throat as you look down to find his hand holding onto yours that rests on your thigh and you see the smirk he holds on your face as he’s proud he managed to shut you up. “You were saying” he teases and you clear your throat as he laughs slightly.

“Like I said annoying” you move your hand from under his yet it gets worse as he just rests his hand on your thigh, heat seeping through your jeans.

“You call it annoying, I call it charming” he turns to you as he pulls up at a red light, flashing you a beautiful smile causing you to scoff, crossing your legs, his hand drops off your thigh.

“Anyways where are we going?” ignoring his earlier comment, done with arguing for now.

“Surprise” he tells you, taking your hand back in his, his grip loose and when you make no effort to move, an eternal smile is plastered on his face as his grip tightens. The music fills the car, you hum along to every song that plays.

“Well then music major” you start up conversation again “how about you sing for me” you turn to him, hands still intertwined. Haechan only laughs at your request “hey I’m being serious, all the rumours that Lee Haechan is good looking, has a great sense of humour and can sing”

“And you believe them?” he asks, still smiling.

“Well your jokes aren’t for me but humour differentiates, so prove you can sing”

“Ah, so you think I’m good looking” he comments, smile only growing bigger.

“I didn’t say that” you scoff

“Yeah and you didn’t say I wasn't” he retorts, smile turning into a smirk as he feeds his own ego.

‘Are you gonna sing or what” you pull your hand out of his and instantly he pulls it back as he suddenly agrees to sing for you.

“I sing like an angel hun, you’ll think you’re in heaven” he tells you again feeding into that forever growing ego of him

“I’m sure i will” every word dripping in sarcasm as you roll your eyes. He wasn’t wrong though, you jaw hung ever so slightly as he sang along with Mariah Carey, compared to him she was nothing. The once vocal goddess outshined by Lee Haechan as his angelic voice drowned hers out. It was beautiful and he knew it, continuously he left you dazed. You were lost for words, you couldn't describe how beautiful it was and all that could leave your mouth in that moment was “wow” you let out a heavy breath.

“I know” he laughs at your reaction. The rest of the ride was silent, on your part at least as you focused on the moments Haechan would sing along with some of the songs, even his humming was pretty. He glew when he sang, shining brightest.

Pulling up to the place, the light sparkles infinitely. Laughter rang through the air and there was warmth despite the snow that fell down. Your eyes lit up and for once being around Haechan didn't seem so bad.

"The winter carnival it's my favourite. I come every year" Haechan tells you as he grabs your hand in his, leading you towards the entrance.

"Oh and how many other girls have you brought here?" You tease him

"None" he turns to look at you and for once the fire that burns behind his eyes isn't blinding or intimidating, they sparkle. Instead of just the sun, a galaxy. You find yourself drawn into them, like a black hole he takes up all life around, light fading away until it's just you two by him. You move closer until you realise black holes destroy, the sun burns and you flinch backwards.

You clear your throat before shooting him a smile that's well rehearsed "let's go" you say softly, gripping his hand and this time you take the lead.

A few rides, hot chocolates and countless conversations, you find that Haechan isn't entirely what you thought he was. Yes he's confident, knows he's good looking and has swarms of girls after him but there's something about him that seems to balance it all yet you're not quite sure what it is but he doesn't allow you any moment to think anymore about it. Always dragging you from one stall to the next.

"I'll win the big Teddy for you" he declares, chest puffed out and embarrassment strikes through you. You would have never imagined standing here, watching Lee Haechan trying to throw down all the pins to win you a Teddy bear. Everything feels so surreal, a warmth bubbles up inside you as you watch him, tongue slightly sticking out as concentration takes over and you can't help but smile. The sun's beauty, clear. He shoot a few times, each time turning to see your reaction, promising he'll get it the next one and when he finally knocks down every pin. He pulls you in his arms, happiness practically seeping out of him. You can feel his heart beat against his chest or was it yours you weren't sure. Pointing at one of the big blue teddys at the back he hands it over to you. You almost fool the sparkles in his eyes for adoration as he nears you again, a smile stretched along his face. "I told you I'd win it for you" he says, cocky as ever.

"Thanks" you say so softly you're unsure if he heard but the smirk on his face says otherwise and thank god he couldn't hear nor feel your heartbeat as it fastened in pace, jumping and leaping against your ribs, answering to his voice. Your heart was ready to be his. That would've inflated his head a bit too much, and just when he couldn't do anything else to cause butterflies to burst, you watch as his eyes wander to a little girl, also trying to knock the pins down.

"Do you need help?" He asks her softly as though she was made of glass, she only nodes in return but he picks her up, placing her on his shoulders so she had a better view. Her arms extend backwards as she throws the ball, knocking down all the pins. Haechan shouting words of praise and a smile lights up the little girl's face as she grabs onto a large teddy bear.

"Thank you" she whispers, visibly shy once Haechan places her down and she hugs him. It was in this moment you could feel you were flying too close to the sun, heat rising, palms sweating and eyes sparkling as you watched him, the only source of light and the center of the universe.

Haechan begged you to go on one more ride with him before going home, the wind was harsher and the snow fell heavier and though the sun had set long ago, the moon’s reign seemed to be never ending. Your own sun was right by you, emitting light and heat endlessly, he held your hand and kept you close as you rode the ferris wheel to the top. The ride was silent most of the way, the occasional hum from Haechan as he stared out into the horizon, the dark sky filled with bright stars and the moon shining down, lights and Christmas decorations and a sfar as the eye could see white snow that illuminated under the moonlight. Once you reached the top, he turned to you. Your breath hitching as beauty stood in front of you, a stone statue carved by the gods to show the ability of their power, a rival to the moon’s beauty, a rival to the sun light and warmth and a rival to billions of stars that envied the way he shined, forever burning.

“So do you hate me now?” He asks a smirk always on that goddamn beautiful face of your and you can’t help but smile. Pulling him closer until he can feel your lips brush past his as you speak these next words.

“Shut up, isn’t this where you kiss me” you crash your lips onto his and you can feel his heart stop, taken back by your actions yet he doesn’t hesitate to kiss you back, lips moving in sync and you can feel his heat overtaking your body, your heart leaping. You’re flying too close to the sun, your wing’s melting and you’re falling. Falling in love with the sun.

#nctcreations #neowritingsnet #neothestars #neoculturechristmas #nct #nct 127 #nct dream #nct 2020 #nct fic #nct au #haechan #haechan fic #haechan fluff #haechan x you #haechan x reader #nct haechan #haechan Christmas #loml haechan #fullsun

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nepenthendline · 4 years

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Period Stains - Nishinoya, Bokuto and Tendou

Thank you! Hope you enjoy!

Request: hi i just discovered u and i love ur work 🥺 i’m not sure if requests are open but if they are could u pls do hcs for nishinoya, bokuto and satori waking up next to their s/o and noticing period blood stains on the sheets like how would they react 👉🏻👈🏻 ignore it if it makes u uncomfortable !! k love u thanks

tw: blood

Nishinoya:

he knows a fair bit about periods from his mum and what he’s heard from Tanaka about his sister, so he knows they can be hell sometimes

he’s always an earlier riser, so its no show when he wakes up every day before you do

when he pulls you towards him for a morning cuddle, he notices the blood stains on the sheet before and has to remind himself that periods exist as, for a second, his mind wanders about how you might have been stabbed in your sleep by a ghost

he’ll jump out of bed quietly, as to not disturb you, before running a bath and grabbing some spare clothes

coming over, he shakes you awake and takes the cover off

“good morning babe! I think your period came early but that’s ok! I’ll clear up while you go get cleaned up, ok? I’ve started a bath for you so come back for some cuddles after,” he gives you a big smile

if he notices you get embarrassed or feel bad about the situation, he reassures you that there’s nothing to worry about, and that you can rely on him to make it all better

blood doesn’t phase him at all, especially not from you, so you don’t need to worry about him thinking its gross at all

he also fully understands you don’t have control over it and he’ll never be mad or annoyed if you stain his sheets - they can be washed or new ones can be bought, it’s no big deal

when you come back from your bath, you notices that there are fresh sheets on the bed, plus some extra blankets and a hot water bottle

you can also hear the washing machine going on in the background not that i think noya actually knows how to use a washing machine properly

noticing you’re back, he pulls you into bed with him and holds you tightly

“we can stay in bed all day today, I’ve got a couple movies I wanna show you!”

Bokuto:

if this happened the first time you had a period while with him, he would freak out that you’re dying and need to go to the hospital because ‘you’re bleeding Y/N!!”

but when he understands more about periods then he’s got your back

as you stand up to get out of bed, he notices the stain on your shorts that matches the one on his sheets

“Y/N?? Are you feeling ok? You’re period started” he’s more concerned if you’re feeling ill or in pain rather than the blood itself

if he sees your eyes tear up in embarrassment, he’ll hurry over and pull you into a huge hug, kissing the top of your head

“Don’t be sad! It’s ok! I can sort it out while you go get changed,” he grabs some of his joggers for you to change and sends you off to clean up while he changes the sheets

he’s not the best when dealing with blood at first, it makes him a little squeamish but he cares about helping you much more and he gets used to it over time

when he’s done, he’ll come find you, knocking on the bathroom door and asking if you need any help

he’ll ask you a bunch of questions, like if you need more clothes, snacks, water, a cuddle, pain killers until you open the door for him

when you’re finished, he’ll pick you up and carry you to bed, laying you down and joining you

“I don’t like seeing you in pain, so tell me if it hurts and I’ll make it better, I promise!” he pouts while rubbing your stomach

he will let you get back to sleep, saying you need to rest to recover (as if its an illness) and that you can ask him if you need anything

“i’m on my period too! It’s uterUS” you tried one of those period pain simulators on him once and he cried

Tendou:

my man

as you turn over to latch onto him in the morning, he notices the stain on his sheets below you, scrunching his brow in worry

he gently shakes you awake to let you know

“baby, your period came, why don’t you go take a bath while I clean up?” he says softly, as not to startle you

if you worry about the stains, or try and help him change the sheets, he’ll grab your shoulders and push you into the bathroom and start running you a bath

he’s totally fine with blood and he doesn’t see any problem with it

he’ll give you a peck then head off to clean up

it won’t be long before he comes back in the bathroom and sits on the floor next to the bath, asking how you’re feeling

he’ll help wash you down, then dry you off when you step out and help you get changed into his softest, largest hoodie

when you both get back into the clean bed, he’ll wrap you up in an extra blanket and pull you to lay on his chest

he also keeps a stash of chocolate in his bedside table for the two of you as well, coming in handy during your periods

“I don’t know how you do it Y/N, you’re so strong to go through that every month, I know I couldn’t do it,” he says while laying back with you tucked up to him

“all I get to do is change the sheets and rub your tummy,” he pouts, whining that he can’t help you much more than feeding you or cuddling you through the pain

probably jokes that he should by red sheets next time, you slap his chest and huff at him as he tries to save it by saying it’s to match his hair

#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyū!!#haikyuu imagines #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu fanfiction #Tw: blood #Nishinoya yuu #Nishinoya x reader #Nishinoya yu #Bokuto koutarou #Bokuto x reader #Bokuto koutarou x reader #Tendou satori x reader #Tendou satori #Tendou x reader

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reyeslonestar · 3 years

Note

Question what are some things you wanna see in season 3 of lone star? Character development, plots, anything

I want to see Tonya Kong write every episode. that's all. thanks for asking!

sadfkja I joke, I do have other ideas, but that is definitely high on my wish list! i'm gonna go through by character and talk about what I'd like to see for them, so this is gonna get quite long whoops...

the main thing that I'd like to see overall, though, would be evidence of an overarching season plan or arc - it doesnt necessarily have to be a plot that stretches through all the episodes or anything major, but I'd love them to have plotted out the season before they start. from watching this season and then reading interviews after the finale, they dont appear to plan many things from the start and end up throwing in ideas as they go along. if they plan it from the start they can foresee how theyre going to affect character development more, and they can have a bit more balance in the types of episodes they have, so that the season is less insane and more naturally ebb-and-flow with a few light episodes to break up the drama.

okay, onto the characters! just going to do this in billing order for simplicity's sake. customary reminder that these are just my own opinions and thoughts, and this is more of a wish list than a realistic expectation.

if you want to search for a specific character, ctrl F for one of these terms including the dash at the start:

-Owen

-Tommy

-TK

-Grace

-Judd

-Marjan

-Paul

-Carlos

-Mateo

-Nancy

press “j” to skip the whole post.

-Owen

okay so I'd love to see them actually develop his character. Owen has been given a lot of backstory with lots to play with development-wise, but to me it feels like the show never goes anywhere with it. he's got a lot going on what with 9/11, feeling responsible for the fates of his fellow firefighters, the codependence of his relationships etc. I'd like to see him go to therapy and see him grow some self awareness and seek to manage himself better, rather than all his screentime devoted to him being a hero when other characters have the situation handled. it would really show him as a good leader if he drew on the skills that his team has and refer to them for advice/ideas. realistically he is the main character, so I'd like them to develop him like one.

also, I kind of love the chief role for him? I think it would suit him really well. but it would drag him away from the 126 and split up the dynamics too much so it would make for bad tv and I wouldnt actually want to see that. good for his character though.

-Tommy

I love Tommy :) just wanted to say that.

so obviously Tommy's got a lot of grief to handle next season, and I don't want them to shy away from that. I want it acknowledged and processed. (I'd also like a little bit of seeing the twins' grief too, because they're also suffering a massive loss). maybe something with Judd helping Tommy learn to manage her grief with his own experience of losing the original 126, encourage her to go to therapy, plus Tommy, Grace and Judd all feeling the loss of Charles together. after all, Grace and Judd were his friends and they will be grieving too.

I'd also kind of like to see Tommy have something outside being a working mother. obviously we're going to need to deal with that a lot especially now that Charles is gone, but I feel like she's been assigned the Character TraitTM of being the working mum and I'd like to see them give her a hobby or something. idk. and give her a night off with Grace or something. give her something just for her.

-TK

okay so I think theres a fair likelihood that theyre going to return to looking at TK's addiction next season which im not averse to. I think him struggling with his sobriety would be worthwhile to see for his character and to show that its not a straightforward path, plus it makes sense with all the insane stuff they've thrown at them in s2. however, Id like to see it in the context of his friends and family rallying around to help and support him and show him that he's got people to rely on, and that he's allowed to rely on them, plus the support of his AA meetings and therapy. I also need them to lay the groundwork for him struggling, so putting in signs of him deteriorating so the situation makes sense. this storyline doesn't need surprises to be interesting or good, and frankly it shouldn't have any.

as for him and Carlos, I definitely want to see them househunting! I'd like to see the combination of househunting/Carlos with Tommy's kids/Grace and Judd having their baby have an impact on their perspectives regarding their future and spark that conversation (like, looking at houses with more rooms and thinking about kids, future, marriage etc). I think that maybe one of them, probably TK, or maybe both of them those boys have way too many parent issues having anxieties about being a dad could be an interesting way to add tension without being too drastic, and then that can be resolved in a way that reassures them of their relationship and reaffirms their strength as a couple. the talk about the future would also lay the groundwork towards a proposal at the end of s3.

-Grace

grace :) my love :)

I could watch episode after episode of Grace kicking ass and saving people over the phone. I'd love to see an episode set there? like, some kind of story within the call centre with all the handlers having to resolve that between them, but also tie in the first responders, so we see the fire team, the paramedics and Carlos all working but we only see the bits that Grace and the other call handlers hear, if that makes sense? also an actual Grace/Carlos team up where they are coming in from the different angles with different amounts of evidence and figuring out the best way to solve something together. plus I'd like to see her maybe get some recognition for being awesome at her job, maybe another handler coming to her for advice on how to solve something.

of course we've got the baby Ryder on the way, and I want that to go comfortably and smoothly for her. she deserves that. lots of wholesome excitement for her and Judd from the whole extended firefam, baby shower, gifts, the full works. pamper grace please.

-Judd

judd4captain2k22. please.

yeah I know its not gonna happen, but I loved judd stepping in as captain this season and I'd love to see that continued with him taking more leadership, and Owen deferring to him for advice/council in a work environment rather than personal life. maybe set up a long term idea about judd being a captain someday.

he's gonna be a dad :') so what are his anxieties about that? why were they putting it off before? was it related to his PTSD? he's got lots of people relying on him now, how does that make him feel? what if his kid loses him? id like to see him still using therapy as a tool to help himself deal with everything. lots of meaty questions to dig into there :D

-Marjan

I'd quite like to see more of her balancing her daredevil nature with the impact of that and realising how much danger she puts herself in sometimes. or on the flip side, maybe the team is dealing with a really dangerous situation and they utilise her fearlessness to save people. her relationship with social media could also come back? but bring in the development they gave her this season, and her Firefox presence is more serious, less flippant?

I think that theres now a space for her to explore her sexuality/romantic experience now that she hasn't got her engagement with Salim as a kind of failsafe. maybe she wants to put herself out there and date, but thats really daunting as shes never really had to do that before? personally I think this could tie in really well with a self discovery/exploration regarding her sexual orientation, but I doubt they’d go there with her, so thats just my headcanon.

-Paul

I want them to draw on Paul’s observational skills and perceptiveness more, especially on calls and in emergencies. I remember someone (sorry I cant remember who) pointed out that he would have been a great character to centre the arsonist plot around in terms of noticing the clues etc, so id love a storyline that revolves around him dealing with an emergency like that. I also really want a Carlos and Paul friendship so maybe them collaborating on a call to solve something, that’d be cool.

can we give Paul a girlfriend please. if im not complely insane, there was a reference to someone in like,, 2x04?? someone who put mayo in his sandwich? idk I havent checked (edit: it was aioli in his banh mi! thank you @meneatyoghurt), but if there is someone can we show him having a fun and loving relationship please. I dont need there to be any drama. just them having fun on a date or something.

-Carlos

so I know that some people are keen to see him in his police role more but I really don't need much of that. on calls with the 126 I'd like to see him be the officer in charge more, but I don't need police-exclusive storylines. I've talked about it here if you want to know why.

the only area that I'd like to see would be in the direction of reform/addressing the flaws of the system, and I think they can do that on a personal level for him, because he and Mitchell need a chat. if they'd gone with her decision in 2x08, he, Mitchell and the bank robber would all be dead, and I think thats gotta have some impact. also the fact that he was suspended for trying to preserve life. theres a lot they could work with there and maybe have him thinking about how he can do good and how he can effectively protect and serve. not to mention, the opportunity that would provide in terms of addressing his relationship with his dad and how he maybe sought approval by pursuing a police career?

also I’d like him to learn that he doesnt need to accept blame/preemptively put blame on himself and that he doesnt need to apologise when someone else hurt him. kind of want to send him to therapy. kind of want to send all the characters to therapy. but yeah, him learning that he can accept apologies and understand that he doesnt have to make people feel better for hurting him. hes allowed to be hurt and feel pained about it. and that can tie into his relationships with Mitchell, with TK and with his parents.

I think I mentioned most of the tarlos stuff in TK’s section, but I wouldn't mind at least one instance for them where we see it all from his perspective instead of TK’s.

finally ive mentioned above how i’d like a team up with Paul on a scene and both of them figuring it out together. I'd also like them having a friendship outside work, just the two of them, bonding over books and being relatively sane people compared to the rest of their friends.

-Mateo

Mateo is so sweet. I loved 2x14 and the recognition he got, more of that please! also theres still so much I want to know - one of the more consistent things they set up for him in s2 was his faith, so I want to know more about that. what's his relationship with religion and God? he's pretty isolated from his family so how does he feel about that? is his religion something that helps him feel connected to them? maybe the church helped him find a community when he first came to the states, before he got settled with the 126, and he finds reassurance in faith that God is looking after his family while he cant be there? I think maybe there's scope for a conversation between Marjan and Mateo about that, about that distance and caring for their families through faith and prayer.

also, if he's still with the horrible firehouse, I'd like to see the other firefighters being won round by his resilience and stepping up to look out for him, and someone backing him up against the captain. Mateo is used as the butt of the joke most of the time, but I'd also like to see a bit more acknowledgement of things like losing his house and the bullying hes going to get more of from this firehouse.

-Nancy

I think that her speech to Tommy in 2x14 was really telling, and I'd love to see them expand on that a bit more. first on the loss and fear of losing her friends and coworkers, but then also on her hopes and aspirations - she said she wants to be a paramedic captain so lets see her working to take her exams and qualifications, and showing initiative on scenes etc.

id like to see more of her being integrated into the 126 group. she and marjan turned up to the hangout together, so lets develop that relationship more. I would love it to be romantic but I'd also love to see that as a friendship. but also her forming bonds with others in the group as well as more of her and TK being a chaos duo. I love that they stole the ambulance, more of that insanity please!

I think thats it? if youre still reading, youre insane and I appreciate you a lot! honestly im open to all sorts of things in s3, this isnt a prediction or anything, its just stuff I think would be interesting based on where the characters are now.

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mrsseverussnape · 3 years

Text

Love Is You - chapter 17

The very next day after the minister of magic elections, Scarlett had to go back to the ministry for a meeting to finalize everything. Since the other candidate, Amos Langley, has been caught and sent to Azkaban because of his actions, Scarlett was the new Minister of Magic now. She was proud and happy that she got her revenge, also now she was following her mother’s and grandfather’s steps as being the minister. But because of Amos Langley the ministry was a wreck, Scarlett had to re-do so many things to make it decent again. First thing she decided on was alive death eaters’ fate and there was only one choice: send them back to Azkaban without a plea. Then Scarlett needed to choose a deputy minister, she had one person in mind: Corentin Howells. He was a long-time friend and colleague of her so she could rely on him. When she asked Corentin about that new job, first he was surprised but then he gladly accepted her offer and promised her that he would never betray her trust. Then Scarlett and Corentin assigned new attendants to the jobs which were left empty by the death eaters now. Also, she re-legislated her law that Amos abolished.

The ministry would have its summer holidays in a week so Scarlett tried to do as much as she could in a single day. She has arrived the ministry at 8 am and now the clock was showing 9:30 pm. She wasn’t aware of the time until Corentin told her to go home and rest, since it has been a long day for both of them and they were still tired from yesterday’s unpleasant events. They left the ministry together just to meet tomorrow morning again. Instead of going home, Scarlett decided to stop by at Hogwarts to see her daughter and break the news about her presidency before Carina could read it on newspapers tomorrow. Also Scarlett had to explain that Amos Langley and death eaters duty she was in to both of her children. She hasn’t told them anything about it to keep them away from any possible danger but after yesterday’s events broke down in the news she has received howlers from both Carina and Leo, and they were not pleased at all.

Half an hour later Scarlett was waiting Carina to answer her room’s door excitedly. Seconds later Carina opened the door and she was surprised to see her mum, she wasn’t expecting her at all.

“Hi darling!” Scarlett chimed with a big smile on her face.

“Hi mum, come in!”

“I brought strawberry shortcake, your favourite!” She put the cake on the table and sat next to it on the table while smiling widely.

“What’s going on mum?” Carina was confused, it was rare to see her mum that excited. And after what happened yesterday, her being that happy was weird.

“Not mum, call me Miss Minister!” She grinned.

“No way!? Congrats mama!! Oh sorry, Miss Minister!” She hugged her mum tightly while giggling. “I am so happy for you!”

“Thank you, baby.” Scarlett kissed her daughter’s head. “I haven’t felt that good for a long time.”

“Let’s eat the cake and feel better!” Carina was slicing the cake while thinking if she should ask about yesterday’s events and risk ruining the happy mood. “Mum... I was wond-“

“I know, i know.” Scarlett sighed. “I also came here to tell you about it. It is a long story so buckle up.”

Scarlett started from the very first meeting with Amos Langley and continued with rest of the events chronologically. Carina had hard time to process all of them, she was shocked. She couldn’t believe herself how she didn’t suspect anything at all for months.

“I...I don’t know what to say mum. Like i was around you, dad, uncle Remus and Professor Snape all the time and i didn’t suspect anything. Good job, really.”

“We have experience, it would be a shame for us if you understood what’s going on.” She laughed softly and held Carina’s hand. “I know you wasn’t expecting to hear all of these but don’t worry, okay? None of us in danger anymore and everything is way better now.”

Carina nodded slowly. “Don’t hide such things from me and Leo tho. What if something happened to you and dad, we would have no idea why it happened.”

“We are just trying to protect you, please try to understand us.”

“I know mum but just...” she sighed and snuggled up her mum. “Be careful. I love you.”

Scarlett wrapped her arms around her daughter tightly while showering her with soft kisses. “I love you more my beautiful baby.”

They cuddled for a while and talked about anything and everything until Carina got sleepy in her mum’s embrace.

“Somebody is sleepy!” Scarlett booped Carina’s nose. “I will leave so you can sleep. I don’t want Professor Snape to scold you tomorrow.” She chuckled while kissing her cheek.

“He might.” Carina chuckled too. “Good night Miss Minister.”

“Good night minister’s daughter.” Scarlett blew a kiss to Carina before leaving her room.

Scarlett decided sit by the Great Lake for a while before apparating her home because it was such a beautiful June night today and the lake was her favourite place at Hogwarts. She was walking down the dark corridor to go to the gardens when a light beam blinded her.

“Where do you think you are going!? Don’t cover your face you sneaky-”

Scarlett’s sight was gone cause of the strong light but she recognized the voice very well, so she cut in his sentence. “Severus move that light out of my face!”

“Scar...? ” Severus Snape lowered his wand to see her clearly. Scarlett was rubbing her eyes and causing them to be even more watery at the time. “You alright...?” He muttered.

“You almost blinded me but yeah.” She chuckled.

Severus felt relieved after hearing her chuckle. “I thought you were a student. What are you doing here at that hour?”

“I look young huh?” Scarlett grinned while Severus rolled his eyes at her. “I came to visit Carina and to give her the news. And i was going to the lake before you caught me.”

“Do you mind... if i join you...?”

“Nope. I need someone to escort me since my sight is still blurry, thanks to someone.” Scarlett smiled when he offered his arm.

They walked to the lake arm in arm while enjoying each other’s company. They sat down on the closest bench to the Great Lake. Severus watched Scarlett who was enjoying herself while looking at the lake with a genuine smile on her face. His view made the grumpy professor smile too. “You look so happy today.”

“I am, Severus. I completed another dream of mine; be the Minister of Magic. Check!” She giggled happily. “Although i would prefer a better journey but still i got what i wanted.”

“I am so proud of you. I always knew you would be the minister one day and also a good one.”

“You didn’t see me on the act yet, none of us really know if i will be a good one or bad.”

“Former minister was Langley, you can’t beat his badness. No worries.” Severus grinned at her.

“You have a point Mr. Snape.” Scarlett chuckled and stared at the starry sky for a while.

Severus was happy for her but also he was feeling sad deep down because with all that order meetings, events etc. he had a reason to see Scarlett every week. But now their duty was done and they had different paths in front of them. In the past 30 years he got used to live without her even it was very hard but now she was back and he couldn’t get enough of her to let her go once again.

“Will you come to Hogwarts... sometimes...?” He blurted out silently.

“For what?” Scarlett was confused by his question and looked at him.

Severus shrugged, he knew it was a stupid question. “Nevermind...”

“You started something and please complete it Severus.”

“I...I will...” He looked at her beautiful face and thought “now or never” then without any further thought Severus pressed his thin lips into her red ones. Scarlett was caught off guard and couldn’t react to the kiss at first which made Severus pull away in seconds. “I... Sorry...” He stood up to leave, he just wanted to vanish. He was sure that he ruined everything between them and now he lost the slightest chance to see her again. But Scarlett caught him by the hand before he could go away.

“Don’t be sorry.” She stood up and pulled him down for another kiss and this time it was full of emotions and lust. Severus held her tightly into his body while deepened the kiss even more. Their lips were like two puzzle pieces which fit each other perfectly. Both had to pull away unwillingly to need of breathing sometime later. Severus pressed his forehead into hers while still holding her tightly.

“To complete my sentence; i will miss you Scarlett... I got used to seeing you…”

“I will visit you and you are always welcome at the ministry or in my home too.” She placed a soft kiss on his lips. She has missed him so much that she couldn’t get enough of. “And you will be in summer holidays soon, so am i.”

“Is this an invitation?” Severus grinned and rubbed her now swollen lips with his thumb.

“Take it however you wish.” She kissed his thumb. “I have to go...”

Severus sighed deeply, he didn’t want her to leave his embrace. But he slowly obliged and let her go unwillingly. “Good night then...”

“Good night Sev.” Scarlett kissed corner of his lips and waved at him before appareting. Severus sat back down on the bench with a stupid smile on his face, his heart was beating like he ran miles. He wasn’t sure if that was a dream or real but the warmness on his lips made him believe that it was real.

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peeterparkr · 4 years

Text

perfidy;tom holland|2

chapter 2: the movie scene

enemies to lovers au

story summary: Tom and you have been sworn enemies since you were young. However, you happened to be best friends with the twins. When one of your friends challenged you to break Tom’s heart, you immediately accepted to get back at him for all the times he’s hurt you. Old feelings might come back, while both of you try to go past your pride and your lies.

chapter summary: the first time you kissed and the last time he offered to kiss

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings: swearing, flashback in italics, mentions of sex, fluffy-ish?, throwing up

word count: 5.5k

previous chapter next chapter series masterlist wanna be tagged?

We never really want to give in to feelings when we are well aware they’re not reciprocated. It is dumb, and it makes us shy, and very very insecure. We all fear rejection coming our way, and rejection hurts our pride. It was a good thing that your feelings were only hatred. They were very much reciprocated.

Though people liked to point it out to you very often, and not so kindly. From hate to love there’s only one step.

You never really believed in that, but you knew that at least in your case, hate didn’t mean the absence of love. It never is, if we are honest.

But really, if you were honest to yourself, you did love Tom. In your own way, but you didn’t like him. Or stand him. Because everything he did annoyed you. And people loved to point out your certain reactions to whatever he did.

Sure, your cheeks got red, and you were flustered, but that was only the visible reactions to the headaches you’d get whenever he was around. Because he would always find his way to make you feel your worse, or prank you or ruin your big chances. Actions get reactions.

You were tired of him and you didn’t trust him, but you knew that if you ever needed help, and there was no one else who could help you, you could call him up. Yes, you loved him, in his own pathetic way, you'd grown up together, after all, and you knew every single detail about the other, which made things worse.

You grew behind his shade, and for a time, it didn’t matter but when he pointed it out, it did get on your nerves. Especially because he had been the one to get you to notice all your flaws.

And even if right now the feelings were mutual, you turned back to time when they weren’t. The first time he broke your heart, he had you wondering, all night long. An 8 year old already staring into the mirror and wondering what she had done wrong, wondering if she wasn’t pretty enough, had it been her hair? Was she just plain annoying? or if her voice wasn’t good enough or was it her personality?

Because you saw that he was always the one who everybody loved, so he had to know something about it. If he didn’t love you, or like you in that matter, he had to have a saying on it. Bullshit, he knew nothing.

You grew up, and now you knew it wasn’t your fault he didn’t like you. He was the one missing it.

However, you hated that he was always on the spotlight, and he’d be a big spoiled brat about it. Tom this, Tom that. It infuriated you that everything had to revolve around him, of course Mr. Big Shot was the star, and he had to brag about it. Especially around you. Your mother and big brother said it was only to get your attention.

“Please,” your brother James would say. “All straight men do is to be stupid enough around women so they’ll think, hey that’s incredible?”

Your brother’s theory relied on the fact that men are only stupid because they want women’s attention You know how straight men like to cannon ball at the pool parties? Yes, that’s because of you. You know how men like to shake beers and then down them as fast as they can? Yeah, that’s because of you.

You had a simpler theory, men are stupid by nature. Especially Tom, he was very stupid.

However, thanks to his constant seeking of attention, and the combination of his lack of intelligence, he’d often find himself acting pretty stupid around you. Thing which you absolutely loved. It gave you reasons to make fun of him.

Still, that loathing was deep inside you, and you knew that at any point, he could make you turn around and stab you right on your chest, never backstabbing, Tom wanted to make you well aware he was hurting you. You couldn’t trust him, because he made it very clear that he wasn’t your friend. He was a childhood close acquaintance.

Enemies. That’s it, that was the word. No need to sugar coat it. You had your history, and even though you could say that sometimes, like in that particular moment, you doubted your loathing was reciprocated, you knew he’d come back again with yet another way to prove to you he was a complete asshole.

So when you arrived at the building, and he got out of the car as well, you knew something was up.

“You don’t have to stay,” you reminded him. “I’ll take an Uber back home.”

“My mum invited you to lunch, and asked me to personally drive you, don’t read much into it,” Tom snapped.

“Oh, they’re still trying,” you rolled your eyes.

Tom chuckled. “Yeah, they believe we might get along if we keep having lunch together.”

“Why are we having lunch, though? Is there any special occasion?”

“Your interview,” Tom explained.

He followed after you into the building. You sceptically watched him.

“Well, but don’t you have better things to do?” You asked.

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “But I’d rather be here to help you, maybe I’ll even give you a pep talk.”

You clenched your jaw. “This is a big day for me, don’t ruin it.”

“I’m genuinely not trying to,” he chuckled. “I just happen to be very good at annoying you, sorry babe.”

“There’s a cafetería—“

“I know this place, sweetheart, remember I’m actually relevant in the film world.” He pushed you and walked past you.

“You know for being so relevant you’d think you’d be smarter. The cafeteria is upstairs, dickhead.”

He made his way into the elevator with you and watched you.

“How are you feeling?”

“Fine, I guess,” you admitted.

“Hey, um… I know it’s not the time but I really am sorry for last week,” he pushed.

“I don’t want to talk about it now, Tom.”

“I didn’t know that you had-”

“I said I didn’t want to talk about it,” you repeated. You were barely recovering from it. And it hadn’t really been his fault. Except that he had so nicely done something you hadn’t quite loved.

You had just gone through a breakup about a month ago. Timmy. He had turned from being your everything to someone you’d rather forget now. A two-year relationship had just banished in front of you.

You wouldn’t have guessed he’d bring up Timmy over to you at Harry’s and Sam’s birthday dinner. You knew Timmy would be there, he was friends with most people there but having the audacity to walk in with another girl to your best friends party? Seemed sketchy.

You knew Tom didn’t know about the breakup, the last thing he had known was you guys were having problems.

“Oi, y/n look over there, that’s your boy, ain’t he? Why isn’t he here making out with you? Did he get tired of you?” Tom laughed as he walked over to you. “Wait, is he with another girl? Ooof, guess you guys are going to have another fight tonight, right?” He commented as you were just silently looking away. “Y/N, c’mon, that’s probably a friend, chill, hey, Timmo!” And he called out to him.

“Tom, please…”

“No, no, it’s alright, I’m saving you from having a fight, better have him around here! Timmy” He called out again.

And he had turned around and awkwardly waved.

“C’mon over, pretty boy,” Tom continued. “Don’t leave me with y/n.”

“Tom, don’t,” Harry Approached and warned him as he had noticed what Tom was doing.

Timmy never liked Tom. He said that Tom was unnecessarily rude to you, and he was right. Also, Timmy was one of those people who believed in the whole ‘from hate to love’ bullshit. He was sure that Tom and you would leave each other hot and bothered and that your hatred was only an excuse to hide away the real feelings towards each other. Timmy was often jealous of your relationship with any of the Hollands. ‘Tom is a big star, you could easily fall for him’.

Tim walked over anyway.

“Uh, hey guys,” he said awkwardly. “Hi, y/n.”

“Oi, what were you doing over there with a girl who’s not y/n?” Tom pushed. “That ain’t right mate,” Tom sounded drunk.

“Tom can you please stop?” Harry asked.

“Happy Birthday, Harry,” Timmy said awkwardly. He looked over at you. “Hi.”

“What happened between you both? Did you finally break up? Wouldn’t blame you Timmy, I don’t really get why you’re dating y/n, for that matter, don’t you get tired of it?” Tom pushed.

“We’re actually on a break right now,” Timmy cleared up, angrily.

Tom’s eyes widened with shock. You didn’t want to explain anything, so you walked away.

The elevator door opened and suddenly a black-haired, blue-eyed and around your age, gorgeous man had walked in. You knew about him, he worked on another show, he was also a writer, a full time one. But you knew that he was probably only there so he could be cast, and you really wondered why they hadn’t yet. Someone as gorgeous as him needed to be on all the screens.

Yes, Joseph Holt. Of course, you knew about him, someone as perfect as him couldn’t go unnoticed. His charming smile and personality was only too much to ask for.

He grinned at you.

“Morning,” Joseph smiled and then proceeded to stare at Tom.

“Morning,” you greeted him.

He took two seconds to look at your outfit. It was neat, nice, professional, and probably better as to how he probably saw you, with bags around your eyes and multiple Starbucks cups on your hands.

“You’re y/n, right? I’ve seen you working at ‘Crooked Manners’,” he pointed out.

“Yes, and you’re Joseph, right?” You grinned. “You work at ‘A little bit of Heaven’ right? With Cassey?”

“Yeah, that’s me,” he grinned and then gave a second glance to Tom. “You can call me Joe, though.”

Tom chuckled.

Joseph, Joe, turned around to see Tom. “I’m sorry, is there anything funny?”

“No, I’m sorry,” Tom grinned.

“So, you’re a writer, too?” Joe asked you.

“I am,” you closed your eyes. “Well, an assistant right now.”

Tom cleared his throat. You glared at him.

“Yes?” Joe asked.

“I’m just… I’m Tom.”

“Oh, so I did see right.” Joe nodded.

“Yeah, I’m Holland, Tom Holland,” he sassed.

“Calm down, 007,” you rolled your eyes.

“And I happen to be y/n’s boyfriend, very nice to meet you,” Tom grinned as he offered a hand to Joe.

Joe widened his eyes as he shook it. “Oh.”

“What?” You turned to Tom and nudged him. “No, no, he’s not my boyfriend.”

“Ah, alright, sorry, friendship with benefits, I’m sorry darling, I thought we’d agreed on not calling it that anymore,” Tom smirked and placed his hand on your waist. Confused and angry, you pushed him off of you.

“He’s… not, no, no, nothing of that, he’s just… I know him alright?” You tried to clear up, and Joe chuckled, as confused as you were.

“That’s… alright. Do you think I could get your number?” Joe asked as he handed you his phone. “Just so.. You know we could help each other with any writing?”

“Yeah yeah, for sure, and just to clear it out, he’s not my boyfriend or anything, alright?” You cleared out as you typed in your number.

The elevator door opened up again.

“It’s fine, I’ll catch with you later, Y/N,” Joe grinned. “And um, nice meeting you, Tom.” He said as the elevator closed.

“What the fuck was that?” You turned to Tom and slapped his elbow . “What is wrong with you?”

“Ouch!” He yelled, “I’m helping you get laid,” Tom laughed.

“You… you fucking are what now?”

“I just made you at least 45% more appealing to that guy,” Tom laughed. “Please, he wouldn’t turn your way unless he knows that someone like me slept with you.”

“You’re a dickhead,” you stated.

“You know I’m right, and by your attitude lately I can actually assure you, you haven’t got any in awhile,” he noted. “I’m just trying to help you get someone to...how did he call it? write with.”

“I can handle that myself,” you snapped. “This isn’t any of your business.”

“Hm but it could be,” He smirked.

“Besides I don’t want him thinking I’d got any weird fungus down there from sleeping with you.”

Tom cackled, rolling his eyes. “You wish you had them.”

“So you admit you’ve got them?” You asked with a smirk as the door finally opened.

“I don’t--”

You got to your floor where your friends were waiting for you and were rather surprised when they saw who was behind you.

“Y/N!” Charlie called as he waved at you. He smirked. “Girl”

You stopped abruptly and turned to Tom. “The coffee is over there, I’m sure you can find your way around here, just follow the signs.”

“Ah, don’t you want me around your friends?”

“Now why would I want such a tragedy?”

He scoffed. “Fine, break a leg.”

You smiled. “Thanks, even though it’s not theatre.”

“I’m well aware of that,” he smirked and then turned around off to the cafeteria.

You made your way to your friends, also interns at the studio. Charles, who would often say his name was too absurd and proper for his personality was smirking at you proudly, while Danielle, your clumsy and rather quiet friend was rather interested in seeing Tom.

Charlie smirked and hummed. “I see, I see, strutting around with a little help, hmm classy girl, show off you’ve got pulls.”

You rolled your eyes. “Good morning to you, too.”

“Why didn’t he come and say hello?” Danielle asked with hope.

“He drove me here, and I don’t want you guys to deal with his bullshit,” you explained.

“Hmh,” Charlie stared at Tom. “Hmhm hun, I know you hate him, but homeboy is looking fine this morning.”

You raised a brow and turned around to look at him. “He’s wearing a black t-shirt,” you raised a brow. “What’s the hype about it?”

“Hm, I’m just saying I’d love to take it off,” Charlie sassed.

You rolled your eyes and turned to face your friends. “I really don’t see why you find him attractive, all his looks are erased by his personality.”

“So you do admit he’s got looks,” Charlie smirked. “I’m telling you girl, you secretly got the hots for him, and boy, I ain’t gonna blame you.”

Danielle grinned but then instantly blushed as she saw who was walking behind you.

“I forgot to ask,” Tom said, making you jump. He chuckled.

“What?” You frowned.

“I was going to ask if you wanted me to buy you anything, and I forgot I had brought you this,” Tom offered you a Lion Candy Bar. You raised your brows. “ But if you don’t want anything else… Or maybe your friends….”

“Hi!” Danielle grinned.

Joey grinned. “Hello.”

“We’re fine,” you said before your friends could keep on talking as you looked down at the chocolate “You’re being nice, what’s up?”

He grinned. “I know it’s a big day for you, I ain’t trying to mess it up and I know for a fact those are your favourites.”

“Or maybe you are, trying to freak me out by being nice,” you shrugged. “I know your games, Thomas.”

He chuckled. “Look, I just really want you to do well.”

“Thanks, now I’ll do better if you’re not around, you get me on my nerves” you pushed. “Bye.”

“I’m serious y/n, I know they’ll love you and your color-coded notes,” he chuckled. “Plus you’ve got good orthography.”

“Ah, sure that’s what they're looking for in a writer,” you laughed. “Now, please, Tom, I need to check important stuff.”

“You’re right, it’s not,” Tom grinned. “But you should loosen up a little, unless all writers look like constipated bitches.”

“Ah, original, a constipation insult, I see, you’ve learned no other insult in these last years, good to know I have to speak to you as if you were a thirteen year old boy.”

He clenched his jaw and watched you, as if he had just been challenged. “That's no way of talking to your boyfriend, darling.” Tom had placed his hands on your waist as you took them off, calmed but stiff.

“Leave,” you ordered him again.

He smirked as he stepped in closer. “How about a good luck kiss?”

You crossed your arms, and watched him judging. “Leave, Tom.”

“Such a shame, we don’t kiss that often anymore,” Tom laughed.

“We’ve never kissed,” you rolled your eyes.

“I’ve got proof we have,” he snickered and then proceeded to walk off. “Good luck, babe.”

You rolled your eyes. “I hate him.”

Charlie smirked. “You’ve kissed.”

“That’s absolutely none of your business,” you said. “Now can we please focus on…. I have an interview in an hour.”

“Darling, you’ve got some explaining to do first,” Charlie laughed. “Boyfriend?”

You rolled your eyes as you headed to the small cubicle the three of you shared.

“We bumped into Joe Holt,” you explained. “And Tom said we were a couple in front of him saying that if Joe believed that Tom was dating or sleeping with me it would make me 45% more attractive.”

Danielle grinned. “Joe Holt and Tom Holland?”

“Oh god, Danielle, get a grip,” you rolled your eyes.

“Oh, and did Mr. Holt talk to you?” Charlie wiggled his eyebrows.

“Asked me for my number and everything,” you said proudly. “Which… Oh god. I mean it could mean nothing but…”

“Girl, you’re on fire,” Charlie chuckled. “Though he’s just another white boy.”

You laughed. “He’s still attractive.”

“But are you ready to date?” Danielle asked.

“Oh my god, Dan, he asked her for her number, not to suck his dick,” Charlie implied, making both you and Danielle giggle awkwardly.

“But she knows what I mean!” Danielle laughed. “Just a week ago we had her crying and listening to Taylor Songs.”

“Yeah, and weren’t you seeing Timmy tomorrow?” Asked Charlie condescendingly.

“Look, I’m…I’m ready to move on, you know?” You admitted. “We talked about a break that would last for a month and we’ll see how that goes, alright?”

“I’m not trying to steal your thunder but I myself got a date tonight, so, I’m just gonna pop that in,” Charlie giggled.

“Nice,” you smirked.

“But alright, are you ready for the interview?” Dannielle asked.

Danielle, Charlie and you were kind of the golden trio of the interns, you’ve known them since college. Not a big friendship back then but when the three of you met here, a sort of friendship started.

“It’s not really an interview, you know that right?” Charlie said. “I mean, they’ll probs just tell you you’re already hired, although I heard a word that they’re working on a new series and they might get you there.”

“A new series?” You asked.

He chuckled. “You didn’t hear it from me, but the word says that they’re asking some interns to come up with a story and then...they might have their big breakout.”

“Hm,” you shrugged as you placed the chocolate on the table.

“Aren’t you going to eat that?” Questioned Danielle.

“Tom gave this to me,” you barked as if it was so obvious.

Charlie smirked as he side eyed Danielle. “When is all this going to end?”

“When is what going to end?” You frowned.

“Please,” Charlie grinned as he leaned over. “We both know you don’t hate him.”

“I do.”

“But you care for him,” Danielle pushed.

“Hatred isn’t the absence of love, alright?” You rolled your eyes. “Hatred means according to the dictionaries, intense dislike.”

“So you love him?” Danielle asked with confusion.

“Ugh, yes because they grew up together,” Charlie explained. “Gosh, Dan, do you never listen?”

“Look, I can’t stand him,” you explained. “I just really think he’s very annoying, and I’m right, he is annoying and he can’t stand me either. We’re good with that relationship.”

“Have you kissed though?”

You scofffed. “Look, maybe once when we were teens? And…” You took a deep breath. “It meant nothing, you know? It really does mean nothing, but he likes to point it out every now and then.”

“Why?”

“Look,” you closed your eyes and gulped. “He… he was kind of,” you sighed. “We were at a party”

“Oh, seven minutes in heaven?” Charlie took a sip of his coffee. “Damn.”

“Yes, but it was stupid, alright?” You rolled your eyes. “I was… 17 and I was sad because my crush was there with another girl and I wanted to make him feel jealous” You felt weird only speaking about it. “And I told him.”

“Did you ask him to kiss you?”

“Look, I was very stupid and I kind of used to have a on and off crush on him and he was already an actor” you blushed. “Look, I was very stupid I was kinda drunk, too.”

“You still kissed fucking Spiderman?” Danielle chirped.

“But it’s no big deal,” you sighed. “Now, we hate each other and haven’t kissed since, alright?”

Though, it wasn’t true. Not really. You did think of it as a deal, not a big one, but a deal. Because also, the second statement wasn’t true. Tom and you had kissed each other, three times. Only one had meant something, the first one. The other two you blamed on the heartbrakes and one on alcohol and stupidity, they didn’t mean anything. Besides, after those two, things really didn’t go well. Only the first time you ever kissed was important to you both.

But the first one, you remembered it perfectly. But it wasn’t the time to think of it, right now.

“You know I’ve got a theory,” Charlie grinned.

“Everyone does,” you rolled your eyes. “Now if you don’t mind I need to focus.”

It bothered you how every single person would try and chirp in your relationship with Tom. There was no deep meaning behind it, just two people who enjoyed annoying each other and who hated each other’s company. That was it. Even you could joke about it with Tom, just like the lunch you’d be having later, it probably being the latest attempt your mother and his had to make you guys get along. They’d make you sit down together and often leave you alone, which only ended up insulting or you guys completely ignoring each other. It was annoying.

“I have a theory,” Charlie sang anyway. “That if you guys slept with each other all of this would be gone, all your said hatred,” Charlie grinned.

“That ain’t true, and I’d never sleep with him.”

“I’m sure all of this is from the sexual tension you’ve developed all over the years,” Charlie continued.

“Sexual tension?” You laughed. “He literally called me a constipated bitch, you… you call that sexual tension?”

“Straight men are weird,” Charlie shrugged. “And please, I’ve seen how he acts around you, he’s just like a damn child all smittened with you.”

“Yes, he does check you out from time to time,” Danielle admitted.

“Only to see what he can point out and make a shitty comment from it,” you rolled your eyes. “Look, it’s not gonna happen.”

“I’m just saying that you’d get along if you were both sweating against each other, and grinding and-”

“Gross,” You interrupted him. “The only thing you’ve got right is he’s a child.”

“Besides, I can bet you that if you were to ask him to have sex with you, he’d say yes without thinking about it.”

“Why would I ask him that?” You scolded.

Danielle laughed. “Because you also secretly have a crush on him.”

You watched them with disbelief. “You’ve got to be shitting me.”

“Look, maybe not from you but I can assure you that Tom desires you,” Charlie grinned.

“Oh god, guys this isn’t a Sandra Bullocks movie, just shut up.” You sat down and opened up your computer to try and focus on the interview you’d have.

“Didn’t Timmy say that?” Danielle asked.

“Oh, yes, that he was sure Tom did everything he did to impress you and take you away form him,” he laughed.

“If we’re honest, Timmy thought that of any man, even of you, Charles,” you mocked with a gentle giggle.

“Besides y/n you need a rebound,” Danielle insisted.

“Tom would be a hell of a rebound,” Charlie admitted. “Oof, I bet he’s great at the aftercare.”

“Yes,” Danielle agreed. “And I think that he’s not into weird things, you know?”

“Or like, good weird, you get what I’m saying?”

You watched them annoyed. “Oh my god, guys, you are taking as if that was actually going to happen,” you shook your head.

“Look, go ahead, ask him to have sex with you,” Charlie insisted as you watched him unbothered. “Please it’d take you less than ten minutes to get you to let you fuck him.”

“Oh, and they would like fall in love with each other,” Danielle said.

“What?” Charles laughed. “Girl, no I’m just trynna get her laid.”

“But wouldn’t it be romantic? A whole enemies to lovers story?” Danielle continued.

“Maybe he’d fall in love, not me,” you said. “I could easily make him fall in love with me and I wouldn’t catch a feeling.”

“Oh, will you, now? Wanna bet?” Charlie grinned.

“I’m not having this conversation, I’d rather go back to him,” you admitted as you walked off with your computer back to where Tom was, so peacefully sitting down scrolling on his phone as he was biting on half a sandwich.

He looked up at you, and you were probably blushing. It felt weird walking back to a man whom your friends had just suggested you should sleep with.

“Hi, they’re bothering me, I can’t concentrate and I’m going to go through a breakdown if I don’t- I’m not gonna bother you alright, I just need to calm down before everything.” And you were being honest with him, and you knew he understood.

He was a jerk, but not that big of a jerk.

“Yeah, no, it’s alright, sit down,” he shrugged as he offered you a seat.

Somehow you felt calm, because he noticed you needed that.

You sat down and didn’t even look at him, although you were fighting the urge not to.But your mind was actually thinking of him, not of the past conversation, no but your first kiss together, your first kiss ever. One which wasn’t on camera.

And the time came, and you were at your interview trying your best to listen and answer perfectly, but your mind went back to that first kiss and your mind went back to the conversation you had with your friends.

But it came to the kiss, that kiss. One which you knew you shared a secret of. It had been all you could expect from a first kiss, sweet and clumsy and very quick, a small peck on the lips he’d given you. And although, it had been weird.

You remembered it, Tom had noticed you were down and not even coming up with comebacks. You were tired, your friend Fabiola, the only one of your friends who remained with virgin lips had given her first kiss, with that kid Aaron with the red backpack.

So you remained to be the only one of your friends without a first kiss. There you were, a pathetic kid who was too busy writing stories and filming videos with younger kids that you had forgotten to have a first kiss.

You were watching as Tom was playing video games and you hadn’t once asked for the controller. It was one of his free days he had from Billy Elliot, and you weren’t sure why he had invited you.

“Okay, what’s up?” Tom asked, pausing the game.

You didn’t even look at him.

“Y/N, why aren’t you playing?” He pushed

You looked down at your pink chipped nails. “Am I ugly?”

“Yes, next question.”

You sighed. “Tom, I’m serious.”

“I am, too, what’s the deal?” He frowned and then started the game again.

“All my friends have given their first kiss,” you bit your lip. “And I haven’t. Is it because I’m ugly?”

“Well, do you have anyone you could kiss?”

“Well, not really.” You frowned.

He shrugged. “Then you’re ugly and alone.”

You frowned. “Have you had your first kiss?”

“I’ve had girlfriends, y/n.”

“See? You’re ugly and you’ve had your first kiss, it must be something else.”

“Your personality is ugly, too,” he pointed out. “Seems like you’re not gonna have a first kiss, ever.”

“Well I must, someday, don’t you think?”

Tom shrugged.

“Would I be that bad of an option for a kiss?” You asked sincerely.

He paused the game, and coughed. “I mean.”

You raised your brows. “What?”

“Not really.”

“Who was your first kiss? Angela?” You asked, knowing he had a crush on her. “Or another girlfriend?”

“I haven’t kissed anyone,” He admitted. “It’s… scary, you know?”

“How so?”

“I don’t know how to do it.” He blushed. “I...I get nervous just thinking about it.”

“Please, how difficult can it be? You just place your lips together,” you pointed out.

Tom frowned. “What do you know? You’ve never kissed anyone.”

“But I’ve seen movies,” you pointed out. “Look, let’s… watch a movie and maybe you can learn.”

Tom wrinkled his nose. “I’m not watching a movie, y/n, I know how it’s supposed to go.”

“Then why haven’t you done it?”

He frowned. “I dunno.”

You both stayed on the couch with your arms crossed. It seemed like you both knew the answer to your problem but neither of you wanted to address it. You stayed quiet, for a long time, on the edges of the couch, avoiding eye contact.

“Do you think we should-?” Tom asked.

“No.”

“Why not?” Tom frowned.

“Would you?”

“I-No, no.”

“Well,” you gulped. “Or….? Would you kiss me?”

“No…” Tom paused. “Not here on the couch.”

You stayed quiet again.

“I mean,” Tom intruded. “We could go outside.”

“Outside?” You looked at him. “Really?”

“But it would mean nothing, right?” He coughed. “Just so we can say we’ve kissed someone.”

“Yes.”

“Right.”

You both ran to the backyard where you were both sweating nervously. He watched you.

“We can’t tell anyone,” he said.

“No, no, we won’t,” you agreed, nodding quickly.

He took a deep breath watching you.

“Well, get it done already!” You chirped nervously.

He leaned over but giggled and backed away.

You laughed with him. “What?”

“I dunno, what if I ruin it?” Tom asked.

“I wouldn’t know this is my first kiss, too!” You said, nervously. You were getting butterflies in your stomach and you were sure your cheeks were getting red. Tom was made a tomato and he was shaking.

“Okay,” he gulped. “Uh.”

“Wait, but, in movies, the guy… usually holds the girl’s face,” you explained.

He nodded. “Right.”

“And the girl…” You were sure your stomach was going to explode. “Usually has her hand on his neck.”

And before you knew it, you were holding each other.

Tom gulped as he stared at you and you could see each and every freckle on his face.

“Okay, close--close your eyes,” he said as he cupped your face.

You did, and before you could think of it, Tom had placed his lips on yours, and you had pressed yours against his. 5 seconds, that’s how long it had lasted before you both pulled away and pushed each other away.

And you had gotten nervous enough, enough to even get you to run to the bathroom and throw up.

Just like you were about to throw up now.

“So I’m very glad, y/n, you’re very talnted and we’d like to offer a place in here, however, well you might have heard of this, but we’re looking for a fresh new story, we’re talking about giving you a big shot, write a story based on a personal experience, you see the idea of the new series is to make it as human as possible so we’re asking all of you, if we can work on it.”

“Oh, I didn’t know about it,” you lied. “That sounds interesting.”

“Well, it’s anything really, but alright, do you have any ideas to pitch in?” Your boss, Alessandra, asked.

“Right now?”

“Yes, anything. Let’s see that creative side of yours, I’m not telling you to give me the whole story, maybe just a prompt from your life.”

“Hm,” you bit your lip. “I... well, I’ll.... do something about childhood enemies to lovers, maybe.”

“Hm, a classic, happened to you? Did you fall in love with your childhood enemy?”

“I... well,” you cleared your throat. “Not really,” you squeezed your eyes. You were very nervous. “I mean, I’m kind of... trying to make that happen.” You were speaking without even thinking about it.

“Oh, how so?” She raised her brow.

“Well, I was trying to prove to a friend that I could make my enemy fall in love with me and I wouldn’t catch any feelings.”

Alessandra smirked. “I love that, work on it, do it, keep a journal of it, write it, make it entertaining and tell me the results, ooh, I really like that, ”Alessandra grinned as she looked up. She often did that when writing as if she was seeing the picture in her head. “It’d need to have a catchy name... But sounds promising.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yes, it can involve drama, love, humour, it’s perfect, we’ll see, and it’s the best way to hurt an enemy, so chop chop, go do it, I trust you, and we’ll see you in a month, keep a journal of it, remember, thank you y/n.”

You thanked her and did the exact same thing you’d done after giving your first kiss. You ran to the bathroom and threw up.

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