#if she found out about lily's situation at home

[washeduphazbin]

Lady Hell

(Lucifer x Fem!Reader x Lilith) NSFW THEMES AHEAD

Hi! Omg, I just saw/read the lucixreaderxlili story and wondered if you could write a story about Charlie and some others catching them "in the act" and just Charlie dying. Of course, Lucifer would accidentally permanently scar his daughter (and Alastor the ace) by turning around to go comfort his child, forgetting the situation for a "brief" (get it lol 😆) moment, and then trying to hide the three of them. Could you do the reactions of the others, either by hearing about it or walking in on it?

@legendarylearner18 I hope you enjoy it. I hope this is what you were looking for. I wanted to try to keep it somewhat canon, lol. So unfortunately we only get a little bit of Lilith.

For being cast to an eternity in hell, as a Sinner, you couldn't exactly complain about your current situation. You were found by Lilith, The Queen of Succubi and the subsequent Queen of Hell. While the Sinners around you looked like different creatures, you looked more human than a demon. Most likely due to the way you died, it wasn’t traumatic or horrific, so you kept most of your human features. The only difference was a pair of horns growing out of your head, and a devil-like tail.

Lilith was enthralled by your pure innocence; she picked you up from the street (literally) and brought you home. She allowed you into her palace and introduced you to her husband, her hands trailing and resting tenderly on your back. "What's your name, darling?" She hummed softly, brushing your hair from your face; you flushed, staring at the man before you, feeling the pressure of the much taller woman pressed against you. Your throat felt dry as you introduced yourself with a little bow; the man hummed,

"Is this a new Sinner, Lili?"

"Indeed. Lucifer, and I'd like to keep her." Your face burned hot as you whipped your head to the woman,

"Excuse me-" You sputtered,

"Oh, sorry. Are you queer?" She hummed, her nails brushing against your cheek, and you could only sputter out a yes of confirmation. She cooed sweetly, pressing your face directly into her tits; you squeaked, "Luci isn't she just the cutest Sinner you've just ever seen!"

"I think you're suffocating her," Lucifer mused, removing his hat and resting it against one of the many hat hooks. "Let me get a good look at her," Lilith released you, gently nudging you towards who you could only assume to be the King of Hell. You made a soft sound as he grabbed your waist; the way he analyzed you made you squirm nervously. "How would you like to stay with us? You have a choice of course.”

"Like here?"

Lilith laughed, grabbing your face and tilting your head to look her in the eyes; Lucifer took your hands and brushed his thumbs across your knuckles. "Yes, like here," she mused. You can say no. We aren't forcing you into a relationship if it makes you uncomfortable."

"You're new to Hell. We can keep you safe, but as soon as you want to leave, we won't stop you." Lucifer reassured, "But we'd like the chance to romance you if you'd let us."

You let out a little laugh, "Romance me?" Lilith giggled behind you as you watched the King Of Hell turn red and fluster. Sputtering out what exactly he meant trying to salvage the situation.

"Oh, you're going to be fun."

"And dangerous," Lucifer added, trying to recover from his embarrassment.

Your life since then has been pretty good. You fell hard and fast for Lilith and Lucifer and quickly became a part of their couple. They never made you feel less than for joining their marriage; you were equally as important as them in the relationship, and most importantly you were happy. When Lilith and Lucifer had Charlie, you were there beside them; helping Lilith through every moment especially when Lucifer was busy. Charolette, the little bundle of joy, only improved all three of your lives. You swore to yourself you would never force Charlie to see you as another parent if she didn't want to, but much to your surprise she did. You were a constant in her life, acting like a third parent to the girl most or the time, one who was constantly there and she loved every bit of you.

--

Charlie hummed, tapping her fingers together, "So that's why asking my other mom to convince my dad is probably our best shot at getting a meeting with Heaven!" Vaggie and Angel Dust glanced at one another,

"Hold on, you're telling me that the king of hell is getting double the pussy, and we're out here struggling ta get any?"

"You don't even like pussy Angel," Husk grunted,

"Not true. I like a certain pussy." He batted his eyelashes at Husk, who grunted, rolling his eyes while dramatically taking a swig from his whiskey bottle.

“I’m a feline or cat. Call me a pussy again, and I’ll shove this bottle up your ass.”

“Kinky I like it daddy.”

Husk promptly flipped him off.

"Not the point!" Charlie huffed cheeks, flushing. She didn’t even like thinking about her parents like that. "I've been scared enough with them to last me a lifetime!"

"Ohhoho?" Angel Dust leaned forward on his knees, "Sounds like you have stories."

"What? Stories? No way, not me." Charlie shook her head rather dramatically, yelping as Niffty ran up her leg, grabbing the collar of her shirt,

"You have stories! Dirty, nasty stories! I can smell them on you! TELL US!"

"You all realize you're asking her to talk about her parents having sex right." Vaggie grunted, "That's fucking weird."

"Don't care what's the most embarrassing thing you've ever walked in on!" Angel shouted, slamming his hands on the table, "I need to know!” Charlie chewed on her bottom lip, "You always say sharing is caring, Princess. Now that it's your turn. Are you gonna share your trauma? I've shared mine." He definitely hadn't but Charlie wondered if this was his first step into Angel actually caring about the group redemption activities.

"I...suppose you're right." She cringed outwardly as Angel grinned delightedly and turned to look at Husk. He rolled his eyes at Angel,

"I'll make you drinks; I have a feeling we'll be here for a while."

"After this story we're talking to your mom are you sure you wanna tell them then go see her directly? You don't have too." Vaggie placed her hands on Charlie's shoulders giving them a squeeze,

"It's okay Vaggie, I can do this! For the Hotel!"

—

Lilith hummed quietly, running a brush tenderly through your hair and detangling the locks. You stared at her gentle movements in the mirror, feeling her slender fingers pet your scalp. "You're staring, my beautiful lamb," You felt your cheeks burn as you looked down into your lap. You heard her soft laugh, pressing herself against your back, feeling her chest push against you.

Jesus, you were better than no man.

"Don't get all shy on me." Her fingers lifted your chin so you could turn to look at her. "There's my pretty girl." She purred, and you could melt. She leaned forward to press a tender kiss to your lips. Her other hand cupped the back of your neck possessively. "Do you wanna know something?" She murmured against your lips; she pulled away to look into your eyes as you nodded. "You're my personal Eden." She trailed the back of her hand down your cheek before pressing her thumb against your bottom lip, pulling it down. "I want to devour you; you'll let me, won't you?"

You let out a loud whine, nodding furiously at her, "Anything for you Lili." She raised a perfectly styled brow, "Mistress."

"That's my girl." She pet the top of your head, "I'm sad to mess up your hair after I just worked so hard on it. But, I think it's worth it, don't you?" Lilith's lashes fluttered, and you nodded like the lovesick puppy you were for her. The dynamic you had with the Morningstar's would be peculiar to anyone outside the bedroom; Lilith enjoyed taking the dominant role, Lucifer was a switch, and while you preferred to be more submissive, sometimes it was fun to be more dominant when messing with the devil himself. You shivered in delight at the thought of taking both of them as Lilith's mouth placed kisses against your neck. "Oh, little lamb, did you think you could hide your desire from the queen of succubi herself? You want me to gather Luci for us?"

"Would you be mad if I say yes?" You spoke softly, and she smiled sweetly, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

"Not at all, my sweet thing. Why don't you get yourself ready for our return," She vanished, seeping elegantly into her shadow. You grinned, jumping on the abnormally sizeable plush bed you shared with the couple. Usually, Lucifer enjoyed undressing you, but what Lilith said goes, so you unbuttoned your shirt and slid off your skirt, leaving you just in your underthings. "Your gift is in here, Lucifer," you heard Lilith on the otherside of the door. The man let out a small laugh.

"Whenever you get me a gift, it always puts me on edge." He said lightheartedly, opening the bedroom door. His gaze landed on you immediately, and his cheeks burned scarlet.

"Do you like your gift?" She purred, leaning down to peck his cheek in a sultry manner.

"I mean, who wouldn't? Hi, Ducking!" He stammered, waving goofily. You giggled, waving back cheekily,

"Hi Luci, Mistress." You bowed your head, sprawling out on the bed seductively, your eyes trained on the growing tent in the king of hell's pants. "What role would you like me to take?" Your eyes trailed over to Lilith, who was slowly sliding down her dress.

She hummed thoughtfully, "What do you feel? Also, do you remember the safe word?" You nodded,

"Dominate with you and dominate with Lucifer. Is that alright?"

"M-more than," Lucifer stammered as Lilith reached around to place her hands on his shoulders, nipping at his neck. He let out a shaky groan at the sensation and you hopped off the bed kneeling before the King and Queen of Hell.

“Good girl.~” Lilith praised continuing to nip and suck on Lucifer’s neck her fingers moving to unbutton his top. Meanwhile he whimpered looking down at you as you undid his belt with ease fluttering your lashes innocently. You looked as beautiful as the day you arrived in Hell and he still couldn’t fathom what you’d done to end up in a place like this.

“Your Majesty may I?” You motioned to his hard cock straining against the confines of his briefs. He ran his fingers through your hair and you leaned into the touch,

“You may.” He watched you lick your lips hungrily as you pulled down his underwear, cock springing free bouncing against his stomach. He let out a shaky breath, as your hands groped his aching dick, “Ducking come on.” He whined as you slowly pumped him with a sadistic grin adorning your lips. He felt Lilith laugh against his neck and he huffed, she clicked her tongue grabbing his chin and tilting it up so she could press a kiss to his lips, it was heated as their tongues clashed in a fiery dance. He groaned into it giving Lilith control as he felt your hot mouth wrap around his cock. You bobbed your head skillfully taking him fully, your nose brushed against his pubic hair. You were always proud you could fit him in your mouth entirely, his hands dug into your hair pulling you somehow closer. You gagged but never thought about pulling away, you hollowed your cheeks making sure to use your tongue to trace the prominent veins underneath his shaft. His hips bucked into your mouth, he fucked your mouth with fervor groaning and whining the entire time. “That’s it, so close baby gonna cum-“

You pulled off with a significant pop, drool and pre-cum glistening on your lips and dripping from your chin. He made a heartbroken face in your direction as you licked your lips seductively, “oh my good girl, come to mommy.” Lilith purred as you rose to your feet, her hands wrapped around your waist as she pulled you onto the bed. Her dress had long since been discarded and her perfect breasts hung freely over you. “I’m gonna ride your face like the throne I deserve and Lucifer’s going to fuck that tight little pussy of yours.” It wasn’t a question but a command, “I’m sure you’re wet enough. I know how much you love sucking my husband’s cock.” You could only nod eagerly,

“Can I touch you?”

“You may.”

Your hands immediately shot forward, cupping her breasts between your fingers. She let out a sigh, beautiful and airy as your fingers brushed over her nipples. "That's a good girl," She purred as you began to massage her chest eagerly. Your tail swished wrapping around her waist urging her forward towards your mouth, "How impatient. Lucifer darling?"

"Y-yeah!" He sputtered removing his hand from his cock as Lilith turned to look at him. His shirt was hanging off his shoulders, unbuttoned and his pants were still down around his ankles. Face flushed red standing awkwardly, watching his two loves make out. She tutted and he flushed harder, "Sorry..."

"You're luckily out little lamb here has me in a good mood." She groaned a little as you leaned up as far as you could to nip at her breast. "Oh darling...Lucifer get over here and fuck her."

"Yes ma'am!" Lucifer grinned wiggling his leg and kicking his pants into the corner of the room...well tried to he ended up falling directly onto his face. Lilith sighed rubbing the bridge of her nose while you burst into a fit of giggles. You tried to cover you mouth with your hands as you tilted your head backwards, he raised his head with a nervous smile. "My bad," His voice cracked a little as he fumbled his way over to the both of you.

"You're such a goofball," Lilith sighed now trying to hide her smile from her husband. "You still alright to continue?" She was looking at Lucifer but you knew the question was for the both of you. Embarrassed Lucifer nodded as you responded with a resounding

"Yes!"

"Good then let us continue." She mused clapping her hands together as the lights in the room dimmed and the candles flickered to life. She leaned forward connecting your lips together you moaned quietly against her, her hand coming up under your bra to squeeze your chest gently. "Ready?"

You felt Lucifer's nails trail your thighs and his lips pressing gentle kisses to the skin there. You shivered at the touch and felt him smile against your flesh, "Yes Mistress." You saw her smile, beautiful like the sky back on Earth. She moved with the grace of a queen as she moved to sit on your face, squeezing her thighs against your head. Lilith let out a loud intake of breath as your tongue prodded at her entrance. Your hands moved to dig your nails into her thighs as you ate her out like a woman starved. Meanwhile you felt Lucifer bite at your inner thighs causing you to moan against Lilith, she let out an elegant groan as her hips began to roll into against your mouth. You heard the devil snap his fingers as your bottom half got much breezier, he had snapped your underwear away, thank god they weren't your favorite pair.

He was making sure to mark you up before licking a stripe up your pussy his snake like tongue moving circles on your clit. Your thighs unconsciously clamped around your head and you felt him tut against you yanking your thighs away from his skull. You wined as Lilith ground down on her, filling your mouth with her wetness, nose brushing against her clit. You felt the dynamic switch as Lucifer leaned back thumb massaging your bud and fingers teasing your entrance mercilessly. You tried to get out a mumble out a please, but Lilith's body made your plea sound like nothing but a mumble, "You trying to beg Duckling? It's a shame you can't."

"Aw Luci don't be mean to the poor girl, she's working hard to please me-" She was cut off with a moan eyes fluttering, "I'm close. Don't be mean to her when she's doing such a good job. Unless she's somehow not wet enough but I doubt that."

"Oh she's dripping." Lucifer mused, "But if you allow it I'll fuck her immediately. After all, it's her turn to be throughly bred." You moaned hotly into her and her sweet sounds tangled with your own, her entire body pressed hard into you as she climaxed into your mouth. Her chest heaved as she slid off you, your mouth wet with her juices, as your tongue came to swipe at your lips.

"Lili!~" You moaned your hand reaching out towards her, she hushed you softly intertwining her hand within your own, she looked over at Lucifer, "Please."

She hummed turning to face Lucifer giving a nod, his entire face lit up like the stars, he leaned foward to kiss you tenderly. "I love you,"

"I love you too," You purred cupping his cheeks sweetly. "Don't make me beg,"

"I won't you've been plenty good." He pressed a kiss to your nose causing you to giggle. He gave himself a few pumps before sliding into you with relatively ease. Your eyes rolled back in your head fluttered with a sharp intake of breath. "Fuck...baby-" He moaned, "You're alway so tight around me." You didn't get a chance to respond before Lilith placed her lips onto yours and her hands under your bra; palming at your chest. Lucifer sucked in a needy breath at the sight and your hips began to buck up against him continuing to flutter around him. He took your hint and began to pump in and out of you, you broke away from Lilith spit still connecting the two of you as you let out a loud moan. "That's it...my good girl."

He always felt so big inside you, you swore he'd break you in half, as your toes curled once he hit the spongey spot inside of you. "More." You demanded as Lilith giggled, "Fill me up."

"As you wish, you wanna make me another Daddy-"

"Dad?"

"FUCK ME!" Lucifer yelped his wings suddenly sprouting out of his back in a panic, pulling out of you in a hurry. Your eyes widened into saucers clamping down on him in surprise which caused him to cum prematurely over your stomach. Lilith cursed under her breath, frantically looking around for a blanket.

"Lucifer!" He was snapped back to life by the sound of Lilith's voice his wings quickly shifted covering the both of you.

"Oh God!" Charlie shrieked once she fully processed what was going on, she covered her eyes. The teenager's cheeks were flushed, "What the fuck!"

"We're so sorry!" Lucifer sputtered, moving to get up to explain himself.

"DAD DON'T GET UP!"

"Lucifer!" Lilith hissed,

"SORRY!"

"I'm leaving!" Charlie squeaked out, "Sorry! Sorry! Oh god my eyes!" The door slammed shut with a bang as Lucifer's wings disappeared and buried his face in his hands.

—

It wasn't a surprise that she first came to you with her hotel idea to rehabilitate sinners instead of her father. You shuffled uncomfortably as she held out her drawing cards; she was pointing eagerly to her plans. By her side was her girlfriend Vaggie, the girlfriend Lucifer didn't know about.

She had you wrapped around her finger, and she knew it.

"Charlie, you know I love you and admire your ambition; I always have, but..." You trailed off as she frowned, lowering her papers. Your heart ached, "Shouldn't you be talking to your father about this- and don't say I'm your mother, you know what I mean." You held your finger up to stop her, “it's just. I don’t know how I can help you sweetheart.”

“Well I was…ya know thinking. That you could maybe possibly I don’t know, convince dad it’s a good plan. And well I don't know get me a meeting with Heaven.”

You winced, “Charlie…” she pouted giving you her saddest puppy dog face, “I only have so much power when he comes to controlling your father.”

“But we’re making SUCH good progress. Angel Dust is on the road to redemption as we speak!” She exclaimed, “right Vaggie?”

“Right.” She smiled reassuringly up at her girlfriend before turning to you, “just…try please. If it doesn’t work Charlie will call him and figure something else out. We aren’t asking for him to help,” Charlie opened her mouth to protest, “without seeing it himself first.” She corrected and her girlfriend nodded in approval.

“You two I swear.” You stood on your toes grabbing Charlie’s red cheeks kissing both as she flushed. “If your father kills me it’s your fault,”

“He’d never!” Charlie looked aghast, “he loves you like he loved Mom!”

“I know, Hon. Don’t worry, figure of speech.”

“Oh,” she frowned. “Well, try not to talk like that. Think positive!” Charlie grabbed your hands and opened her mouth,

"I love you, but please don't sing right now." You kissed her knuckles softly, "I need all my brainpower to talk to your dad."

"Understood!" She squealed, "I love you!"

"I love you too. Now shoo, your dad will call you later." She wrapped you in another hug, and Vaggie nodded her head in your direction with a little smile. Charlie pulled away and interlocked her hand with her girlfriend before scampering off. You rubbed your face tiredly; Lucifer and your relationship had been strained since Lilith left. You still loved one another dearly, but her leaving had taken a toll on both of you. While he retreated to isolate himself in his room, you coped in other ways, namely, running his kingdom for him to the best of your ability. The only things you didn't do were meetings and phone calls with the Seraphim or the Angels.

So, things between the both of you have been a little more than awkward and tense. Not knowing how Charlie would react, you both decided it was better to try to deal with your emotions privately instead of telling her outright that you were having relationship issues. You still slept in the same bed, but most of the time, it felt like he was barely there...reminding you that you were just a lover and not a wife.

Cursing inwardly at the thought, you loved Lilith; you missed her smile, her voice, and her kindness. But it was hard not to feel bitter at times; she left you and Lucifer...alone...for going on seven years.

It had not only devastated him, but Charlie, and you as well. Despite your wishes those bitter thoughts, were getting more and more common.

You let out a shaky sigh before you smoothed out any wrinkles in your dress as you approached his workshop. You knocked softly on the door. You heard frantic rustling and fumbling of what you could only assume was another rubber duck project before the door was hurriedly thrown open. His eyes squinted like he was trying to gather what you were doing here before he let out a panicked, nervous laugh.

"Duckling!" you could hear the nervous tremor in his voice, "What-ugh- what are you doing here?"

"I live here? We sleep in the same bed." You deadpanned,

"No, I mean! Er, my workshop,"

"Charlie stopped by-"

"She did?!" The panic in his voice was even more evident now that you mentioned the possibility that his daughter was here you watched as he ran his fingers through his hair. "Is she still here? You got her to leave right? Did she ask about me? I'm not prepared and-"

"Luci," Your tone softened, cupping his cheeks and running his thumb across the apples of them, "She's not here. She had a message she wanted me to relay to you."

"She...asked you and not me?" He murmured, and you chewed the inside of his cheek,

"It wasn't a long visit; you were very busy."

"Yes...I was busy."

You both stared at one another, tension seeping into your bones. Your tail flicked restlessly, and Lucifer's claws drummed nervously on the wood of the doorframe. "Welp!" He clapped his hands together, "If that's all." He moved to spin around back into his duck-filled workshop,

"I didn't even tell you what she wanted..." You spoke quietly, reaching out to touch his shoulder but he flinched away before you could make contact again.

"Fuck, I didn't mean to flinch. It's just Lilith and...and I know we haven't been intimate- It's just-" He rambled,

"No, please don't apologize." Your smile was strained, and your hands clutched the top of your dress. "I understand completely, Your Majesty."

He said your name, pained, "Don't do this-"

You held up your hand, silencing him, "It's fine." You doubled down on the earlier statement before sighing, shoulders slumping, your entire body felt heavy. "I love you but I don't know if I can keep doing this..."

"Please stop." He reached forward to grab your shoulders, in a frantic way to prove he wasn't afraid to touch you.

"Lucifer, I'm tired." You looked up at him and already felt the stinging behind your eyes, "I miss her so much it hurts...I miss you. I'm so lonely I feel like I could die again."

"Don't say that." He said seriously, hands moving from shoulders to your cheeks, "Never say that. If you died, I couldn't bear it."

"The great Lucifer Morningstar would live, I'm sure. Although he'd have to rule his own kingdom again." Your lips twitched in a sad smile,

"I don't think I would." He chose to ignore the second part of the statement, "I know." You watched his throat bob, "I haven't been fair to you. I've shut you out, and I shouldn't have, and it breaks my heart that I made you doubt my love for you." His fingers brushed against your cheek, wiping away tears that began to roll.

"Lilith is your wife, and I can't imagine what you're going through-"

"Out of everyone, I think you're the only one who can relate to what I'm going through." He laughed airily, "I'm a mess. I'm depressed, and what kind of man am I? My wife left, our daughter hates me, and you can't stand to be in the same room as me."

"But that's all I've wanted!" You shouted, not unkindly, "I want to be with you, I'm meant to be your rock, your support how can I do that if you shut me out."

"I never meant to!" He exclaimed, "I just- I hate myself all the time-"

"Join the club!"

"Fuck. We're both messes, aren't we?"

"More than," You laughed, rubbing your eyes. "Look, Luci..." He blushed a bit at the nickname, and it made you smile. "Can you promise me we'll work on it, work on everything, together? No more shutting one another out."

"Promise." He stood on his tip toes and leaned forward, hesitating slightly, "I don't want to pressure-" You grabbed his lapels and pulled him close, pressing a hot kiss to his lips. He groaned a bit into it, his arms wrapping around your waist, pulling you close. "I missed this, I missed you," He mumbled against your lips. "I'll be better. To both of you-"

"Oh." You snapped your fingers, pulling away from him, and he made an 'eh' like sound. "Speaking of Charlie wants you to get her a meeting with Heaven."

"WHAT!"

[mischievousmoony]

Omg I love ur James fics. You think you could do one where reader finally feels comfortable getting drunk while going out with their group because she knows James is there to take care of her. Ur drunk reader x James interactions are too cute. I feel like I always have a hard time letting go cause I’m afraid I’ll need to take care of my other friends haha. Love your work!

thank u love! i have fun writing them, i just know james would be so caring! ps thank you for being patient ik this request came in a while ago

𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍

⟢ james potter x fem!reader ⊹ 1.0k ⟢ warnings/tags: intoxication (i think that’s it but lmk if i missed any pls)

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

"But what if Sirius tries to get a new tattoo again?" you ask, twisting back and forth with a steady squeak, squeak, squeak of your barstool.

James clasps his hand on your shoulder, turning you one last time to face him. "Remus is watching him."

"What if Marlene tries to go on another one of her adventures?"

Marlene has a knack for getting herself into precarious situations when she gets drunk, which she likes to call her “little adventures.” Usually, this means going home with a stranger, whether it’s for a hookup or to steal their lightbulbs because they looked at her wrong.

"Lily’s got her.”

"What if I do something stupid?" you ask, now swinging your legs. The nerves eating away at you just won’t let you sit still.

James puts his other hand on your knee, soothing you with a gentle squeeze. "I'm watching you," he says. After thinking it over for a moment, he adds, “And I don't think you'll do anything stupid. Even if you do, I'll do something more stupid so that nobody notices."

This earns him a giggle from you, and he’s happy to see you smiling. He picks up your glass, which is now covered in beads of water, plenty of time having passed for condensation to run its course. He dries what he can with a napkin because he knows you hate when the droplets land in your lap.

You once asked him why it happened, even though you knew the answer. He simply told you it was science.

“Science is stupid,” you had said, eyes fixating on several small spots of water soaking into your jeans.

Now, James wraps your glasses with napkins. He holds out your drink, a black napkin enveloped around it, as he asks, “You want to do this, right?”

You peek into the glass and watch the dwindling ice cubes swirl around in a vodka cran; a drink that James had called “beginner friendly.”

“Yeah,” you answer shyly.

James frowns. “It’s okay if you’ve changed your mind.”

You chew your bottom lip, thinking it over. A part of you wants to forget it, but another part of you knows you’d be disappointed in yourself for chickening out again.

You wrap your hand around the glass, cringing at the squish of the soggy napkin beneath your fingertips. You don’t know what’s worse: this feeling or the water dripping all over you. But James’ attempts to help make you feel warm inside, so you don’t complain.

“No, I still want to do this.”

“Then I’m here for you. Promise.” James gives your knee another squeeze.

You cast a look toward your friends. For years, you've nominated yourself as the designated driver. Or you've claimed to have early morning obligations. You've always felt better knowing someone sober was around to deliver plenty of water and carb-rich snacks to your incapacitated friends.

That was your excuse, anyway. Not that it isn't one of your concerns, but truthfully, something about drinking makes you feel uneasy. You always knew your friends were safe because you've been there, ready to hold back anyone's hair or stray them away from bad decisions. If you drank too, how could you be sure your friends would have someone to depend on? How could you be sure you would have someone to depend on?

Then, you started dating James, and you found a level of trust you never knew was possible. You know you can depend on him for anything.

When you admitted to him why you never drink when you go out, he swore up and down that he would be there for you.

Remembering his promise summons a wave of courage. You shoot James a nervous smile, and take your first sip, scrunching your nose as it burns your tongue.

"This is kind of gross."

James barks a laugh, "We can try to find something you'd like better next round. That is, if you decide to have another."

Feeling brave, you do have another. That's when you discovered something called the Cosmic Lemon Fizz; a drink that sparkles with edible glitter and manages to be blue, green, and yellow all at once. You laughed when you saw it, not knowing how in for it you were.

"Jamie!" you exclaim after taking a sip of your third Cosmic Lemon Fizz. "This tastes like happy feels!" you gasp as if the thought had just occurred to you, despite this being the fourth time you tell him.

"I bet it does!" James cheers. His eyes wrinkle in the corners as he beams at you.

"You should try one!" you declare, and immediately try to flag over the bartender.

James smoothly takes your hand, stopping you as he says, "No can do. Made a promise to a pretty girl that I wouldn't have a drop tonight."

You whip your head around. "Who!?" you ask, eyes wide.

"Who do you think, pretty girl," he says, poking you in the side.

Giggles escape you and you swat his hand away. He doesn't go far, lifting his arm to brush some stray hairs out of your face. His hand lingers on the side of your face, soothing the pad of his thumb against your cheek.

You lean into his touch, gazing up at him with an affectionate glaze in your eyes; a look that gives him butterflies.

"Wowww," you say dreamily. "You're handsome."

James feels his heart flip in his chest. "Thank you, love," he says, a soft smile playing at his lips.

"Hey," Sirius says, appearing out of nowhere as he lazily throws an arm over your shoulders, "How's it going over here?"

While you're distracted with Sirius, James waves over the bartender and replaces your drink with water. The next time you reach for your glass, you hesitate.

"Where's my cosmo magic fizzy thingy?" you ask, an eyebrow raised as you glance at James.

"You must've finished it," he shrugs, acting clueless.

"That's like the oldest trick in the book. You replaced it with water and now you're trying to be sneaky!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," James feigns innocence.

You giggle, bringing the straw to your lips. "I knew you'd take care of me. I love you," you say, happily sipping your water.

James feels another eye-wrinkling smile break out on his face. "I love you too, pretty girl."

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

[scoonsalicious]

10.4 Major

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Summary: Lily McIntyre, trainer for new SHIELD recruits at the Avengers Tower, has been in love with her best friend, Bucky Barnes, from the moment she met him. She's been content with her role of the #1 girl in Bucky's life, even if it means she has to sabotage a romantic relationship or two. It'll be worth it when he realizes that they're meant for each other, right? There's just one small problem: Lily McIntire never expected Bucky Barnes to fall for You.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, alcohol consumption, drunkenness, brief mentions of sexual situations.

Word Count: 3.6k

Previously On...: Bucky ran to Lily for comfort after running out on you. Despite her best efforts, Bucky realized he done fucked up, A-aron.

A/N: Sorry for the delay. Everything but this and all of you is shit right now, lol.

If you ever feel so inclined to support my work, hop on over to buy me a coffee; it's much appreciated! <3

NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when new story parts drop, please follow @scoonsaliciousupdates

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

After Bucky had stormed out of The WarZone that evening, you had tried to call him. Dozens of times. At first, he’d declined the calls, but soon, they went straight to voicemail, and you knew he had turned off his phone. Either that, or he’d blocked you. 

You knew he would be upset when he saw the contents of that envelope, but for him to make those accusations of you, and then to run away without even giving you an opportunity to speak or explain yourself? To say you were pissed off would be an understatement. So, you did the one thing that came to your mind as a way of dealing with the pain and frustration you were feeling: you went home and drank.

You’d been obsessively staring at her phone screen as you put back glass after glass of wine, willing Bucky to call you and apologize, to text asking for your side of the story, for anything, really, but after hours of his silence, you finally had enough and composed a single message to him:

>> When you’re done with your temper tantrum and want to talk like a grown up, you know where to find me.

Probably not the most mature thing you could have done, but you had been drinking, after all. Besides, it’s not like it had mattered; he’d never answered, anyway. You’d probably never hear from him again. That thought, amplified by the alcohol, had sent you down a dark tunnel of tears and ugly sobs. You honestly couldn’t remember ever crying this much over a man– not even when you’d found out about Connor’s affair, and you’d been married for nearly a decade; no, that had felt more like a relief, like finally having an answer to a question that had been stumping you for ages. But now, here you were, a blubbering mess over a man you hadn’t even known for a full week. 

You weren’t sure what hurt the most about it: the fact that he thought you went looking for that information, the words he’d said to you, or the way he ran out without even hearing your side of things. You didn’t even have the bandwidth to consider the betrayal of him going through your private papers.

There had just been so much potential with Bucky. So much promise. It could have been something beautiful and amazing, and now, it was over before it had even had a chance to really begin. And that just made you sad. Sad, and lonely. Maybe you’d finally get yourself a cat. Yeah, that seemed like a good idea. Perhaps it was finally time to embrace your destiny as a spinster cat lady, just like your mother had always threatened since your divorce. Why fight the inevitable?

A soft knock at your door took you out of your depression spiral. You quickly glanced at your clock– 10:45 pm. Far too late for a social call. Most likely, your nextdoor neighbor, Jeremy, had locked himself out of his apartment and wanted to hang out at yours until maintenance came by with the master key, again. 

Wiping the tears from your eyes, you made a move to stand, but the alcohol sent a wave of dizziness through your system and you almost fell stumbling back down to the couch. This time, you moved more slowly, holding on to furniture for support as you shuffled toward the front door. When you made it about half way, you heard a voice from the hallway that definitely did not belong to Jeremy. You froze.

“Sugar? Are you there? Will you open up, please?” 

Shit. What the fuck was Bucky doing here? You couldn’t possibly talk to him right now– your face was an absolute mess from crying and you were still so drunk. And what if he was still angry? 

You considered your next course of action. Opening the door was a no go– any conversation could only end in disaster. For the same reason, you couldn’t try to talk to him through the door. Knowing the effect he had on you, it would probably only be a few minutes before you were letting him in, begging him to fuck you. No, the best thing to do would be to retreat to your bedroom and hide until he went away. Maybe he would just assume you weren’t home.

Yes, that was the way to do it. To your wine-soaked brain, this seemed entirely logical.  You turned to head back into your bedroom, but you missed-stepped and banged your shin into one of your end tables.

“Fuck,” you hissed in pain, trying to keep your voice down as you rubbed what would no doubt become a spectacular bruise.

“Doll?” Bucky called from the hallway. “I know you’re in there. I just heard you. Please let me in. I just want to talk to you.”

Damn it. 

Without another thought, you hightailed it back into your bedroom, throwing yourself under the covers. Just hearing the sound of his voice through the door brought back the memory of his tirade from earlier in the day, and the words he’d spoken to you:

“You wanna know how many people I killed that didn’t make it into those files, because I promise you, sugar, there’s a hell of a lot. You want to know about the time Hydra sent me to kill an ambassador, told me to leave no witnesses, and I took out his wife and his two kids, too? ‘Cause they couldn’t have been more than ten years old. That kind of thing get you off, doll?”

The rage in his voice had been palpable, and if you were being honest, it had scared you. Not the rage, itself. You knew he was capable of it. No, what had frightened you was how quickly he had turned that rage on to you.

The thought brought a fresh wave of tears, and before you knew it, you were crying yourself into a fitful, restless slumber.

*

There was an incessant pounding coming from the living room that echoed the pounding in your skull. Moaning, you rolled over and picked up your phone to glance at the time. 1:47am. The pounding persisted, and it took your now hungover brain a moment to realize someone was knocking on your front door. 

With a groan, you shoved your head under your pillow, hoping whoever was there would go the fuck away and leave you to die in peace. 

“Ms. (Y/L/N), it’s the NYPD; please open your door.” Well. That got your attention. Sitting bolt upright, you jumped out of bed and nearly tripped trying to get to the door in a hurry. 

You checked the peep hole, making sure it actually was one of New York’s finest, and opened the door. 

“Can I help you, officer?” you asked, leaning against the door frame.

The officer gave you the once over and smirked, and it was then you remembered you’d chosen a pair of boyshort panties and an off-the shoulder cropped Army t-shirt for your pajamas that night. With a scowl, you crossed your arms over  your chest. 

“Are you “(Y/N) (Y/L/N)?” the officer asked, obviously amused by your discomfort. 

“I am,” you nodded. “What is this about?”

“Do you know this man?” the officer stepped aside, revealing Bucky, who was standing sheepishly off to the side of the door where you hadn’t been able to see him at first.

“Hey, doll,” he said with a shameful half smile and small wave.

“One of your neighbors found him sleeping against your door and called us. He claims he’s your boyfriend and he was just waiting for you to let him in. Since he’s an Avenger, I figured I’d give him a chance to prove his story before I booked him for trespassing.”

You pinched the bridge of your nose. You were far too hungover to be dealing with this right now. “He’s not my boyfriend,” you clarified, and you didn’t miss Bucky’s face falling at your words. “But we are dating.” You stood back from the doorframe, making some space. “Come inside,” you told him with an exasperated sigh.

Bucky gave the officer an “I told you so” smirk and shoulder checked him before going inside your condo. You rolled your eyes at the childish display of machismo. You thanked the officer and moved to close the door, but he put a hand out, preventing you from closing it.

“Are you going to be safe if I leave you alone with him?” he asked you in a low voice, all trace of his earlier smirk gone. “Do you have any reason to fear for your life?”

You couldn’t help it– you snorted in laughter. “God, no,” you said. Yes, Bucky’s anger had frightened you, but you couldn’t believe he would ever go so far as to actually hurt you. He just wasn’t that kind of man, right? “I promise you, officer, I’m perfectly safe with Mr. Barnes. I mean, he’s an Avenger.”

The officer nodded. “Just making sure, miss. My partner and I will stay in the area; if there’s any trouble, call 911 and we’ll be nearby.” You thanked him for his concern, but assured him it wouldn’t be needed. He tipped his cap to you and headed for the elevator. 

You closed the door and leaned against it with a sigh. You needed to get some liquid in you. Immediately. 

Without sparing a glance at Bucky, who was standing by your coffee table, studiously avoiding looking at you,  you made your way into the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of water.

“Boyfriend, huh?” you said eventually, keeping your back to him as you ran the glass under your refrigerator’s water dispenser.

“Yeah… I wasn’t sure what to say to him to get him to let me stay,” he said, and his voice was closer now; you could tell he’d followed you to the kitchen.

“What are you doing here, Bucky?” you asked. You took a couple of sips from your glass before finally turning to face him. He looked… rough. His hair was disheveled, his clothes were wrinkled, and his eyes were red-rimmed, as though he, too, had spent some of the last several hours crying. 

Bucky swallowed thickly. “I came to apologize if you’ll let me,” he said, looking intently at your face. “Shit, sugar– have you been crying? Did I– fuck– I made you cry, didn’t I? I’m so sorry, doll.”

You let out a short bark of a laugh. Part of you wanted to throw your arms around him, bury your face into his shoulder, and never let him go, but what he had said to you earlier in the day was… well, it was horrendous and uncalled for, and you couldn’t, out of respect for yourself, just let it slide without some kind of explanation, and some real groveling.

“Explain yourself,” you said shortly, crossing your arms over your chest once again, as though putting a physical barrier between the two of you. 

Bucky swallowed and moved back toward your living room and began to pace. You followed, keeping a decent amount of distance between the two of you.

“I freaked out when I saw what was in that envelope,” he said. “As you no doubt know by now, I did a lot of shit, back when Hydra had me, that I’m not proud of. I’m… well, I guess you could say ‘sensitive about it’ would be an understatement. I carry a lot of guilt for what they made me do, and a lot of shame. Ever since I…” he paused, mulling over his word choice, “came back to myself, for good, I’ve been trying to make amends for all the harm I caused. To make things right. I know I can never erase all the pain I inflicted, bring back the people I killed, but I try to… to make things better. Where I can.”

He slumped down into one of your armchairs, a look of defeat crossing his handsome features. “It’s never going to be enough,” he sighed. “I know that. There are always going to be people who look at me, and only see the Soldier. No matter what I do, how much I atone, or how many lives I save, they’ll never see Bucky Barnes.”

“I told you from the beginning, Bucky,” you said, leaning against the wall that divided the living room from the kitchen, “it was obvious to me that you were blameless. A victim. And so, for you to accuse me of getting off on—”

“I know, sugar,” Bucky interrupted. He was looking up at you with sorrowful eyes. “I never should have accused you of that; I was an ass. I was…” he averted his eyes, embarrassed to admit this next part to you. “I was afraid.”

“Afraid.” You rolled the word around on your tongue. “Bucky, you’re a super soldier. A fucking Avenger. What the hell do you have to be afraid of?”

“I was afraid that if you saw the real me, what I had done, you’d run screaming in the other direction,” he admitted without looking back at you. “Or, that the only reason a dame like you could be interested in a guy like me was because you were attracted to the darkness. To the monster. That it wasn’t actually me you were into, but the Soldier.” He finally looked up at you in time to see the puzzled look you gave him.

“It happened before,” he said, voice low and shamed. “There was this girl– her name was Jessica– and I thought I was in love with her, you know? Thought maybe I’d finally found my person. Was gonna ask her to move in with me but, turns out she just had a thing for the Soldier. She got off on the violence of it.” He looked down at his vibranium hand, flexing and unflexing his fist. “The old one did so much damage. They had me use it to hurt so many innocent people, and then I found out she searched for Winter Soldier choke porn on my computer. This thing that had caused so much pain, brought me nightmares, that woke me up screaming at night, and it was her fucking kink.” 

He looked back up at you, eyes desperate and pleading. “I couldn’t stand to go through something like that again. Not with you, Major. Especially not with you. So, I panicked, and I was an ass, and I hurt you before you could explain, because I didn’t want to give you a chance to hurt me.”

You sighed and moved away from the wall. He was weakening your resolve to be pissed at him by the second. In fact, your heart was breaking for him. 

“And now I’ve ruined things between us,” he said, “before they even really had a chance to begin.” He leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am, and I understand if you don’t want to forgive me. I was awful. I just… I just want you to know that I’ll always look back on the time we spent together as some of the best days of my life.” He made a move to stand up, but you took a step toward him.

“Oh my god, sit down, you idiot.” You walked closer, putting both your hands on his shoulders and slowly moving down to straddle his lap, his hands slipping almost subconsciously to your waist. “I don’t know if this is going to come back to bite me in the ass or not, but I forgive you.” You draped your arms around his neck and softly kissed the corner of his mouth. “Were you dumb? Yes. Did you overreact and behave like a child? Yes.” He narrowed his eyes at you, but you just playfully wrinkled your nose at him. 

“But are your concerns understandable, after everything you’ve been through? Also, yes.” You began to toy with the short hairs at the nape of his neck. “Next time you find yourself feeling like that, or questioning my motives, please promise me that you’ll talk to me instead of yelling at me and icing me out, okay?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said, nodding profusely, “I can do that. I promise.”

“Good. Now, I feel this goes without saying, but I want to make sure we’re both on the same page, here,” you said to him. “ I did not seek out those documents. Someone sent them to me, anonymously. I didn’t tell you about them when I got them because I didn’t want to offend you or remind you of a past I know you don’t enjoy reminiscing about. I meant it when I said that I only want you to tell me if and when you’re ready, so I hadn’t done more than peruse the documents to get an idea of what they were and see if there were any hints as to where they came from. The only clue I have to the sender’s identity is a note where they wrote “Do you know who you’re fucking?” in black marker, but the letters are all blocky, so it’s not even like I can compare handwriting samples or something.”

Bucky’s mouth dropped open in surprise. “Oh, shit. Sugar, I’m so sorry. If someone is targeting you because of me…”

You blew out a raspberry and waved your hand dismissively. “I’m a big girl,” you told him. “I can take care of myself. I have a ton of guns and awards for marksmanship, so don’t worry about me.”

A corner of Bucky’s mouth tugged up. “That’s actually really hot,” he admitted. “Remind me to take you on a date to the shooting range sometime.”

You tried to bite back your grin, but failed miserably. “Cheeky of you to assume there’ll be more dates,” you teased him.

Bucky tightened his grip around your waist. “Are you saying there won’t be?” He looked genuinely concerned, and you didn’t want to tease him.

“That’s gonna depend on you, Bucky,” you told him. “I’m not Jessica, and I’m not going stand by and let you punish me for the ways she mistreated you. I can tell you right now: if you ever talk to me again the way you talked to me in my office, it will be the last time you ever talk to me, at all, do you understand?”

Bucky nodded. “I don’t want to lose you, Major,” he said, and you could feel the sincerity in every word; and you hoped that he would be true to his word. “I promise to never let my anger get the best of me and speak so disrespectfully to you ever again.”

You nodded, satisfied for now. “Good,” you said, standing up from his lap. “Then we can call it a night.”

Bucky rubbed his hands on his knees and stood up. “Uh, yeah,” he said. “I’ll, uh, just be heading back to the Compound, so…”

You tilted your head. “No. It’s late, Bucky. Come to bed.” You reached out a hand, and Bucky’s entire demeanor changed, his face lighting up with surprised, but cautious delight.

“Really?” he asked, as though he almost expected you to pull your hand away from him and tell him you were just joking. 

You shrugged your shoulders. “I missed you,” you said simply. And it was true– it had only been a few hours, really, since your fight, but you had missed him. You had seriously considered that the two of you might be over for good, and you didn’t want to waste an opportunity to be close to him. 

Bucky reached for your hand, pulling you into him in the process. You let out an ‘oof’ as you collided with his chest, but soon his arms were around you, the fingers of his flesh hand tangling in your hair. 

“I missed you, too,” he said, leaning down to kiss you, and you felt yourself melt into his hold, the rough skin of his calloused right hand dragging along the exposed skin of your hip, the cold metal of the left tracing delicate patterns up and down your side. You could forgive him practically anything when he kissed you like this.

“We should go to sleep,” you said, breathlessly pulling away from his lips, “before we get ourselves worked up into a situation.”

He followed you into your bedroom, and you did your best to not ogle him as he stripped down to his boxer briefs. The second he joined you under the covers, you scooted over to snuggle yourself against him.

“You said we can’t get each other off,” you reminded him as you burrowed your head against his hard chest and rested a hand on his ass. “You didn’t say I couldn’t cop a feel.”

Bucky chuckled, wrapping his arms around you, and you could hear the rumble of it through his skin. “Yeah, that’s definitely a loop hole, sugar,” he said. He kissed the top of your head and rested his cheek against it. Slotting his knee between your thighs, the two of you fit together like perfect puzzle pieces. 

“Goodnight, Bucky,” you said, trying to fight off a yawn.

“Goodnight, doll,” he replied, running his hands up and down your back. “Thank you for giving me a second chance. I promise, you won’t regret it.”

As you drifted off to the sound of his heartbeat, you couldn’t help but hope he was right.

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

[kiztae]

warmth ― c.beomgyu x f.reader

wc: 4,1k. 

genre: frenemies to lovers, fluff (sometimes), suggestive, smut.

summary: you and beomgyu used to be childhood bestfriends, but you drifted apart and became more dismissive of each other. you both snicker and tease each other, but there's always a feeling of something more being there. perhaps a beach trip can manage to make you guys closer, maybe closer than ever.

cw: smut obviously, dry humping, masturbation (male), dry humping.

note: my second post! first post where i've written something with more advanced smut/suggestive content, hope you enjoy it. (not fully proofread)

──── ☆ ────

the ride to the choi family’s vacation home was long and tiring. your limbs were starting to feel numb after a ride filled with just sitting down and looking through the window.

when your mom told you that you’d be going on a road trip with the choi’s, this wasn’t what you had in mind.

you were squished between the choi siblings, uncomfortably moving around. with some of the luggage being placed on one of the backseats, the space back there was very little.

he was sitting by your side. his little sister next to him, as you tried your best to focus on the landscapes and not the uncomfortable position you were in.

“lily, stop moving around!” he scolded, trying to keep his sister from pushing him against you repeatedly.

“oh please, like you don’t move around twice as much.” you let out, looking back at him.

“why is it about me now?!” beomgyu shouted, then crossing his arms and looking away.

seconds later, the highway had more and more turns which made the car turn aggressively from one side to another. ms.choi wasn’t really the most chill driver. with each turn of the wheels beomgyu got thrown against you, making it harder to ignore the situation.

then, at one last turn beomgyu was done with being thrown around like a rag doll. once the car was turning again, he placed his one hand against the car door and the other one against the car seat, using them to stay in place. however, he didn’t predict how much it would close the distance between him and you. this new position made him corner you between the door and his side.

you were caught off guard to say the least. after doing your best at ignoring the turns, beomgyu's act woke you up right away. you looked up at him with confusion.

he refused to look at you though, feeling slightly embarrassed now. but it didn't stop you from keeping your eyes fixed on him, in an attempt to make him feel even more embarrassed.

that completely backfired though. soon enough, you found yourself trailing his soft features, surprised you hadn't realized how handsome beomgyu was. the furrows of his brows, the barely noticeable bite on his lips out of nervousness, his eyes looking to the side, all of it united in harmony.

finally, he met your gaze. the connection was enough to stop your daydreaming and realize it was him, annoying childhood friend beomgyu. he looked... irritated, and it made you irritated. because, why the hell would he be the one mad at you? he's the one invading your personal space!

he moved away from the door and you abruptly, sitting back down and grabbing his headphones quickly. after that response, you couldn't help but get annoyed. what's his deal?? you thought. you shrugged it off and decided to close your eyes and get some rest.

"wake up guys, we're here!" beomgyu's mom said with enthusiasm as she started taking the bags out of the trunk in a rush.

glimpses of light and a blurry view of the car seats flashed as you slowly opened your eyes. as you were  gradually waking up, you felt some sort of warmness against your cheek. confused, you looked down and around without moving too much. then it hit you.

beomgyu's chest felt warm and soft against your cheek, heaving up and down slowly. the arm he had on your shoulder kept you comfortably in place against him. you had fallen asleep against beomgyu, and he was holding you.

how did that even happen? you asked yourself. unsure what to do, you started to slide off of him in silent movements, trying your best not to wake him up.

"just go, i woke up like five minutes ago." he sighed, keeping his eyes closed and sliding his arm off your shoulder lazily.

"oh" you looked down, hiding your face from him (even though he still kept his eyes closed). "um, okay." you got up and stepped out of the car hurriedly.

"he could've woken me up or something! seriously!" you grumbled while walking into the room to unpack.

you unpacked your outside clothes, skincare, technology items, underwear, and other needs and stored them in the closet and bathroom. you felt at ease now that you were installed and that you had cleaned up your space.

the overwhelming space of the closet and room annoyed you though, what was the closet so big for? why was everything in that room in pairs?  this room is for one, isn't it? i mean sure the queen sized bed is a bit big, but i've slept alone in a bed for two before! your thoughts were all over the place, starting to get worried. they wouldn't make me share this room.... would they?

"what are you doing here?"

the familiar voice interrupted your train of thought, making you freeze. you couldn't believe it, your worst fear had come through. slowly turning around, you came face to face with beomgyu.

"what do you mean "what are you doing here?", this is my room...?" you replied in annoyance.

"pretty sure it's my room and my bed you're sitting on" beomgyu retorted while dropping his bags, stepping closer to your spot.

"you're kidding..." you looked at him, your face exposing your confusion to him.

"oh you'd wish i were, but i'm not." he scoffed. "i believe my mom didn't tell you, or me, that we'd be sharing my room." he sat down on the other side of the bed and pulled out his phone to scroll on it.

after a few seconds of processing this new information, you sighed and looked around. "i'm taking the bed" you stated.

"hell no! this is my bed y/n." he replied looking up from his phone, shocked you even thought of doing that.

"oh yeah? too bad." you retorted while lying down to take more space up. "unless you want to sleep by my side, you're not sleeping on the bed." you added in amusement, while stretching your arms.

"okay."

"what?"

"i said okay. i don't care if you use it too, i am not sleeping on the damn floor." beomgyu concluded while standing up to go to the balcony.

"fine! but don't complain later!" you shouted as he walked away. you weren't sure how to feel about it. you and beomgyu were not the closest friends, hell, you were like enemies. but you guessed it wouldn't matter that much, it was just beomgyu after all. you could easily ignore him.

later at the beach, 3pm. 

the heat of the sun burning your skin felt warm and cozy, making your limbs feel heavy, your body relaxing completely. you didn't sunbathe that often, but it definitely was a good decision to make today. the sun was slightly strong, a nice breeze soothing the fiery rays of it. the sound of waves crushing nearby created a peaceful melody. you couldn't feel any better.

nevertheless, you knew it wasn't good for your skin to be this exposed, not like you wanted to get health problems from some little UV rays. therefore, you reached out your hand to grab the bottle of tanning oil infused with spf that was sitting in the sand next to your towel. it felt like you were moving weights with how much effort you put into reaching for it.

"mom!" you called "mom! help me with the oil please!" you kept shouting, but it was useless, she was playing with lily far away. 

"you really can't keep quiet, can you?" beomgyu's raspy voice came from another side. you turned, finding him sitting down near you, his arms placed on each side of his towel, staring at the sea.

"when the hell did you get there? i thought i was alone." you answered while frowning at him. you really can't get a break can you? although you had to say, it was nice to know you weren't left alone.

"i was in the water, can't you tell from the wet hair? or are you just slow like that?" he mocked as he ran his fingers through his wet hair.

you rolled your eyes in response, he was right tho. his hair was wet, the t-shirt he had on was soaked, outlining his toned abdomen and muscles- that wasn't important. "whatever. where's my mom?"

"she's with lily, i don't think she'll be coming your way for a while." he yawned as he started to stand up, making the sand around him go towards you.

"watch it with the sand!" you scolded.

"oh?" he said, flashing a malicious smile. "what if i don't?" he started to shake the sand off his body, making it land on yours.

"so that's how it is! okay choi beomgyu! come here!" you shouted as you stood up and grabbed a handful of sand.

"oh shit" he mumbled before starting to run away towards the sea.

"that's what i thought!" you yelled while chasing him and throwing sand at him, every landing of sand making his back arch.

eventually, you both ended up going into the sea, swimming around and fighting with splashes of water. your laughs and shouting echoed as you fought. that was until a big wave started to approach you both.

you always had a slight fear of waves, since you were a little kid. beomgyu knew it too, you didn't love going too deep into the sea. those big waves freaked you the fuck out.

"beomgyu..." you paused while looking at the wave "beomgyu..!" you screamed getting more scared as it came closer. you moved towards the shore as you panicked, but it felt useless.

just as you accepted your fate and closed your eyes, you felt someone come and hold you tightly. beomgyu took you into his embrace, pressing you against his chest and hiding your face in it.

"i got you." he whispered, comforting you. looking at the wave, he watched how it was now significantly smaller. he held in a chuckle, knowing you forgot how much they change.

the warmth of beomgyu's body reassures you, making you feel safe and protected. your cheeks burned a bit at the thought of having his chest against you like this, but it didn't last long as you heard him let out a small chuckle. he couldn't hold it in anymore.

"w-what. why are you laughing?" you asked, dumbfounded.

"that wave was so tiny y/n! you worried over nothing!" he laughed softly, separating you from him, and letting you look around to find the small wave that passed. but the wave was the last thing you were focused on now.

his smile. his smile was beautiful, he was glowing. the earlier burn of your cheeks returned with the sight of his handsome face and cheerful laugh. it was like he was charming you.

"just- shut up!" you mumbled, snapping out of it, completely embarrassed. you turned away from him in hurried movements, leaving to go to shore.

"hey! i didn't mean it like that!-" he stammered, feeling a bit guilty after that comment. he didn't mean to make fun of you, not this time. but you were already walking towards the house, with your bag in hand. 

"fuck.." he hid his face in his hand as he sighed. it's not like he wanted to make you feel dumb about it, he knew you were scared. he gave up and left to go back to the house as well.

at the beach house, 7:30pm.

there was nothing that soothed beomgyu more than a late night shower. the warm water hitting his skin felt heavenly, as it made all of his worries fade. he sighed in relief as he rubbed the citrus scent soap all over his chest.

all of a sudden (strangely enough), the memory of your body pressed against that same chest came to his mind. the shape of your breasts that pressed so cutely onto his chest. your waist that was radiating body heat against his hand. the memory of your curves in his hold clouded his mind.

"what is wrong with me..." he sighed while looking down at the semi-erection that was growing between his legs.

his hand reached down for his cock, softly holding it and rubbing it at a slow pace. the image of your plump ass and back as you laid on your towel showed up, making his grip on his hard member stronger. soft whimpers started to come out of the boy's mouth, resonating in the shower walls.

"ah.. shit.." his free hand came up to cover his mouth in an attempt to muffle his sinful sounds. each stroke to his cock became more rough, intensifying his shame.

but honestly, could you blame him? you looked so cute. your hands grabbing onto his arms, your face hidden in his broad chest. and then, your boobs. god he loved them, loved how they felt against him, heaving up and down, wet by the salty sea water. he wondered how they'd feel in his hands, in his mouth, anywhere really…

the desperate tugs at his cock were turning frantic as he chased his high. he couldn't help but let out muffled moans, closing his eyes to picture you better. it was a sinful image, poor boy, touching himself desperately, while thinking of you. his shame was discarded to a corner of his mind, as he focused on the intense pleasure rushing through him.

"oh fuck- y/n-" he groaned as an intense wave of pleasure overcame him. hot spurts of cum painted his abdomen white, his cock twitching. the tiny rivers of water wiped the pearly stains off his stomach. and then, reality hit him. did he just cum while thinking of you? he turned off the shower and stepped out wrapping a towel around his waist quickly.

"finally! i started to think you'd just sleep in the shower." you stated, looking up at him from the bed. you had been waiting to use the shower for about 10 minutes now, and as much fun as scrolling through tik tok is, you were tired.

"w-when did you get here?" he questioned in panic.

"like... 5 minutes ago? maybe more. I don't know!" you replied nonchalantly. "do you shower with a shirt?" you joked. he was wearing the towel around his waist and yet he had a shirt on. what kind of outfit is that?

"huh? oh." he said looking down at the towel. "hey i might be a jerk sometimes, but i have modesty and basic respect. i'm not gonna carelessly flash you." he retorted while frowning.

"relax! i was just messing with you! god." you laughed and then got up to use the shower. "you better have not used up all the warm water choi beomgyu."

"guess you'll find out if i did!" he teased as he reached for the closet, looking for a pair of boxers to wear. he decided to put what happened in the shower past him, and to focus on other things.

late night, beach house, 11pm.

"this internet connection is seriously bad." you frown as you stare at the single bar on the wifi icon. "it's practically useless."

"you know where the connection's better? anywhere that's not my bed." beomgyu counters as he stands in front of the bed with his arms crossed, with a mediocre smile.

"stop being a bitch about it. either you share it or you bear it." you replied as you tucked yourself in bed, sighing in content as you felt the soft silk sheets. "huh, never knew you had good taste in sheets. or in anything for that matter."

"i'll have you know i have way better taste than you." he grumbled as he turned to get himself in the bed as well. he hesitated for a second, but he later climbed on the bed and covered himself with the same sheets.

"hey, um, if you really want your bed.. i could try sleeping on the couch.." you said softly as your back faced him.

he turned to be met with the outline of your figure in the dark. "it's late y/n. let's just sleep." he answered.

"i'm serious tho, i don't want you to be uncomf-" your words were cut off as you felt him get closer to you, his weight making the mattress shift.

"shut up and go to sleep y/n." he whispered against your neck, his voice low and deep. his tone was so intimate and yet it felt unfamiliar, it made you shiver. after saying that, he shifted again and turned his back on you too. were you going crazy? did beomgyu just make you blush with a single sentence?

your cheeks were flushed and you had a strange feeling in your stomach, but you shut your eyes and forced yourself to go to sleep. you shouldn't be feeling like that, not because of him.

the next morning, at the beach house, around 6am.

rays of sunshine came through the large window in front of the bed you slept on. you frowned as you struggled to open your eyes, not even sure you wanted to open them. everything felt so warm, cozy, safe even... you weren't sure what it was, but you never wanted to get out of bed. you finally managed to open your eyes, looking at the blurry light coming from the window.

you started to become more aware of your surroundings as you woke up, you tried to stretch until you realized something was holding you back. beomgyu's arms were heavy on your frame, trapping you between them. his mouth was slightly open, his eyes closed, his hair a ruffled mess. once it hit you that he was cuddling you, heat rose to your face. it's like he's some sort of magnet. you thought.

you couldn't quite see him, since your back was right on him. you weren't sure what to do, should you move away? should you just wait until he wakes up? what if he does and he sees you like this? no good solution came to your mind. and that moment, you stopped thinking at once.

something was definitely poking the end of your back, if not your ass. it can't be, can it? he's a man after all, you guess it would make sense. but still, you can't process whether or not it's what you believe.

trying to understand the situation better, you move your hips gently in an awkward attempt at feeling whatever was there. yeah, it's definitely what you think it is. it makes sense though, men can wake up with it. however, you don't know how it got to the point in which you guys cuddled, and it ended up pressing against you like that.

you figure it would be best to move away from him, so you start squirming and moving around as gently as possible. but the outcome is something you didn't predict. beomgyu's hands travel down to your hips and grab them, pressing them against himself further and stilling them.

"if i didn't know any better, i'd think you're trying to do something else." beomgyu murmured against your neck, his morning voice raspy and deep. his hands on your hips caused you to let out a soft whimper, which you abruptly covered with your hand.

"it's not like that- i- we woke up like this beomgyu.." your words came out rushed, you could try to explain yourself, but really what good would it do.

"i know, im fucking with you." he softly chuckled as he opened his eyes to look at you. it was annoying how good he looked, he really did glow in the morning sunshine.

"um, your hands. they're still on my hi-" you commented and tried to squirm away from him again. but just as you did that, beomgyu felt a flash of pleasure go over him, letting out a groan.

"oh fuck-" he groaned as his eyes closed. his hands gripped your hips even harder, making you feel a certain pressure that made your mind spiral. "im sorry, shit, sorry." he mumbled, now a bit ashamed. he was about to move away from you, until he noticed how red your face was, and how erratic your breath was. were you enjoying this..?

"i-it's okay, it's only natural.." you said with your cheeks flushed. you didn't want to admit it, but his bulge was pressing right against your clothed core, his every movement making you more sensitive to him. you could feel a small patch start to form gradually, it was embarrassing how easily he was unconsciously turning you on.

"y/n.." he said quietly, his mind starting to get lost on how good you felt on him. "you feel really good.." he sighed, making you shiver by how his hot breath fell on your shoulder. his hips thrusted up into you unconsciously, making his breath hitch.

"ah- gyu!" the childhood nickname you had for him came out of your mouth in instinct, as you felt him rub himself against your (now wet) core. you couldn't help but buck your hips against his in return, letting out a small whimper.

"fuck, c-can i?" he whimpered, his hips moving by themselves in slightly faster movements. his grip on your hips was starting to feel bruising, but it only made you more excited.

"please don't st- mphh" you said until you were silenced by beomgyu's lips on yours. his kiss was hot and feverish, making you dizzy. he started teasing you with his tongue, threatening to come in. and you let him, you tangled your tongue with his and started to kiss him like it was your last kiss ever.

"gyu-" you moved away to gasp for air, but beomgyu leaned in anyway, eyes closed, lips parted, absolutely wanting more. he didn't want to waste any second of this. he kept thrusting into your soaked panties, creating a delicious friction that made you gasp with each thrust of his hips.

"if i'd known you felt so amazing i would've done this way sooner." he growled while moving his hands to your waist, grasping it like his life depended on it. he then turned you around to lay you flat against the mattress, climbing on top of you shortly after.

"yeah?" you grinned. "then make up for the wasted time, gyu." you said between heavy breaths. he started to pick up his pace, his new position hitting you perfectly, bringing you closer to your edge with every snap of his hips.

"you know, i always tell you to keep quiet. ah-" his words came out broken, his hips stuttering "but the sounds coming from you right now are fucking heavenly."

you wince and grip him at his nape, a handful of his messy hair in your hand. he immediately reacts to it with a loud whimper, his cock can't help but twitch at that, and you feel it. every single thing this man is doing, is spurring you on further, you feel like you're insane.

"i'm close" you whisper as you close your eyes in anticipation.

"fuck no, open your eyes." he says as he lifts your chin up to face him. "if you cum, you do it while looking at me." he commands.

your eyes struggle to remain open, but your gaze never leaves his. you feel the knot in your stomach is about to snap, and you grab onto the sheets on top of your head.

soon enough, you feel the knot in your stomach snap,  all while staring into beomgyu's eyes, feeling like he's put you in a trance.

he followed suit, his orgasm washing over him like a big wave. his cock twitched as it stained your underwear with numerous white threads. you felt every one of them as they left a warmth on your pulsating core. beomgyu managed to partly muffle his last moan by hiding his face in your neck, his ears red and his cheeks burning.

you closed your eyes, coming down from your high. your chest heaved up and down, trying to gain air back into itself. you two just did that, it felt unreal.

"gyu.." you called out as you stared at the ceiling.

the boy didn't move from your neck, still breathing into it as he tried to come down from his high. however, he nodded and rubbed his nose against your collarbone as a way of acknowledgement.

"does this mean we won't annoy the shit out of each other anymore?" you asked.

"of course not dumbass, where's the fun in that?" he answered with heavy breaths and a little smirk.

you chuckled and then brought your hand up to play with his hair. it didn't need to be said, but you both knew that this was something bound to happen for a while now. you guys couldn't stay enemies forever, after all, you got the best of both worlds now.

"i thought so." you whispered before moving yourself back into his hold and falling asleep.

part 2 is posted here!

© kiztae 2023

[youremyheaven]

Ashlesha & Toxic Relationships

Tw: abuse, incest, rape, death, domestic violence

I feel like Ashlesha's mommy issues have been covered by others before but I really wanted to explore how Ashlesha nakshatra natives often find themselves in toxic relationships, be it in their own homes or in romantic relationships. I think many of the patterns many people repeat in adult relationships has its roots in their childhood relationships with their family and I see this very evident with many Ashlesha natives. They're often abused at home and later suffer abuse at the hands of partners.

Halle Berry Ashlesha Sun

Halle's father was a violent man who abused her mother repeatedly. He abandoned them when she was 4 and she's been estranged from him since.

She moved with her mother and sister to an all-white neighbourhood where she was exposed to racial discrimination while attending school. Halle admits that these struggles motivated her to succeed. Later in the ’90s, when she moved to New York to pursue her acting career, she was forced to stay in a homeless shelter for a while because she couldn’t afford accommodations.

In 2011, Halle said: "It was only when I was in an abusive relationship and blood squirted on the ceiling of my apartment and I lost 80% of my hearing in my ear that I realised, I have to break the cycle."

Halle is divorced from Gabriel Aubry (in photo with her above) who, she accused of being a racist (he used racial slurs towards her and their daughter), refused to acknowledge their daughter as biracial and court documents revealed that Berry accused him of having been in an incestuous relationship with a family member, abusing their daughter and even revealed the couple only had sex three times a year, with Aubry struggling with the effects of his incestuous relationship.

Charlize Theron- Ashlesha Sun, Moon & Mercury

One night, when her verbally abusive alcoholic father came home with his brother after drinking heavily, he threatened her mother with a gun. He began shooting and Theron's mother grabbed her gun and shot back, killing Theron's father and wounding his brother. Police later determined it was self-defence. They later moved to America so Charlize could pursue an acting career.

Lily Collins, Ashlesha Moon

Lily Collins says she was once in a toxic relationship where she faced "verbal and emotional abuse" that made her feel "very small." Looking back, Lily says her then-boyfriend silenced her feelings and even fuelled emotions of "panic" and "anxiety" -- and it's something that still affects her even though she’s now in a healthy relationship.

"He would call me 'Little Lily'…and he'd use awful words about me in terms of what I was wearing and would call me a whore and all these things," she said on the "We Can Do Hard Things" podcast. "There were awful words and then there were belittling words. I became quite silent and comfortable in silence and feeling like I had to make myself small to feel super safe."

Tina Turner, Ashlesha Rising

Tina’s violent marriage with Ike Turner is well known, largely thanks to the film based on her life, What’s Love Got To Do With It. In the film the singer suffered severe beatings, was raped and had cigarettes stubbed out on her body. Her husband Ike is portrayed as a violent, controlling sociopath, and when Tina’s autobiography was published Ike actually admitted that the book was largely accurate. The pair were married for 16 years before Tina had the courage to leave. Ike is now dead.

I found something she said in an interview to closely correlate to Ashlesha:

"Part of my spiritual practice is to “change poison into medicine,” to take negative situations or roadblocks and transform or remove them through positivity. The force of my positivity pushed all the discriminatory “isms” standing in my way right out the window."

Whitney Houston- Ashlesha Sun & Venus

Their turbulent relationship is well documented, but even though the rumors were that Bobby used to hit Whitney, she actually claimed it was the other way round. In an interview with the Associated Press over 10 years ago, the singing star said: “Contrary to belief, I do the hitting, he doesn’t. He has never put his hands on me. We are crazy for one another. I mean crazy in love, love, love, love, love. When we’re fighting, it’s like that’s love for us. We’re fighting for our love.” Brown, however, was later arrested in 2003 for misdemeanour battery, several years after Whitney said this. The pair eventually divorced after 15 years of marriage in 2007.

Unfortunately, Whitney passed away in 2012 and I firmly believe Bobby did it. Her daughter, Bobbi Brown also passed away in the exact same way in 2015 and there's just no way those 2 deaths were a coincidence. Anytime I hear news of anybody dying in their bathtub after overdosing on a cocktail of drugs, I just know they were murdered. Its very easy to write off deaths as suicide or to make it look like one. Its all the more convincing if the person has a history of drug abuse.

Sridevi, Ashlesha Sun & Rising

Sridevi was forced into acting by her mother (who aspired to be an actress and had failed in her pursuit) when she was 2-3yrs old. Sridevi never received formal education and appeared in 200 films by the time she was 25 years old (she did 300 films total). Her mother and stepfather had another daughter whom they favoured. Sridevi was the cash cow of the household. It was once reported that Sridevi would come home from a long day of filming and spend many hours massaging her mother's feet at night instead of sleeping. Her mother once locked up Sridevi in a dark room and starved her as a 5-year-old because she was too scared to do a scene that involved fire. She became a heroine at the age of 11 years and was paired opposite men who had played her grandad onscreen when she was a child star🤮🤮🤮she was sexually assaulted by many of these men as a child and teenager. Sridevi's mother managed all her finances and did not permit her to go out or meet others and she did not even know how to do virtually anything by herself as her mother kept her under lock and key.

Her husband Boney Kapoor is a movie producer who was married to another woman and had 2 kids when he first met Sridevi. He creepily wooed her for 10 years but Sridevi paid him no mind. In 1995, Sridevi's mother passed away and Boney took full advantage of her vulnerability because even though she was 32, she was basically a child due to the way her mother forced her to live. Sridevi had no one to rely on (her stepfather had died many years prior and her sister sued her for properties and since she was so isolated, she had no friends despite being such a huge star) and Boney took her in. She lived with Boney and his wife and kids but before you knew it, Sridevi was impregnated by him and he soon divorced his wife and married her. In 2018, Sridevi was found dead in a bathtub in Dubai under suspicious circumstances. The case was wrapped up pretty quickly and no one really knows what happened. She allegedly "drowned" but like I said, I dont think all these celebs drowning in their bathtubs is a coincidence.

Zsa Zsa Gabor- Ashlesha Moon

She was married 9 times and many of those marriages were hella toxic. She was married to Conrad Hilton (Paris Hilton's great-grandfather)

She said of the marriage:

"Conrad's decision to change my name from Zsa Zsa to Georgia symbolized everything my marriage to him would eventually become. My Hungarian roots were to be ripped out and my background ignored. ... I soon discovered that my marriage to Conrad meant the end of my freedom. My own needs were completely ignored: I belonged to Conrad."

Gabor's only child, daughter Constance Francesca Hilton, was born in 1947. According to Gabor's 1991 autobiography, One Lifetime Is Not Enough, her pregnancy resulted from rape by then-husband Conrad Hilton.

Marilyn Monroe- Ashlesha Rising

Marilyn had a very difficult life. She grew up in foster homes, her mother was schizophrenic and her father was an alcoholic. Her marriages were unhappy and she was treated like shit by the industry. I don't want to elaborate too much because I feel like everyone already knows about her life story but its truly tragic how things were for her :((

Lucille Ball- Ashlesha Sun

She was married to her onscreen husband Desi Arnaz and they had a horrible toxic marriage where he cheated on her repeatedly and emotionally abused her. He was also an alcoholic.

Bella Hadid, Mars in Ashlesha atmakaraka

"I constantly went back to men -- and also, women -- that had abused me, and that's where the people-pleasing came in," Hadid said on the Victoria's Secret podcast, "VS Voices."  "I started to not have boundaries, not only sexually, physically, emotionally, but then it went into my workspace….I began to be a people-pleaser with my job and it was everyone else's opinion of me that mattered except for my own, because I essentially was putting my worth into the hands of everyone else and that was the detriment of it."

Everybody already knows that Yolanda is toxic as hell, made Bella get a nose job at 14yrs of age and in Bella's own words she was made to feel like the "uglier sister".

Viola Davis, Ashlesha Sun

She and her sisters were sexually abused by their brother. "Sexual abuse back in the day didn't have a name. The abusers were called 'dirty old men' and the abused were called 'fast' or 'heifers,'" she wrote in her memoir.

Davis wrote about the volatile relationship between her empathetic mother and her violent, alcoholic father. With brutal candidness, she channels the unrelenting terror of living in a household of domestic abuse: “There are not enough pages to mention the fights, the constantly being awakened in the middle of the night or coming home after school to my dad’s rages and praying he wouldn’t lose so much control that he would kill my mom.”

Lil Kim, Ashlesha Moon

When she sat down for a candid interview with Newsweek back in 2000, the rapper revealed that she developed a complex about her appearance thanks to a string of unsavory suitors. "All my life men have told me I wasn't pretty enough — even the men I was dating," she revealed. "I'd be like, 'Well, why are you with me, then? I have low self-esteem and I always have," she admitted. "Guys always cheated on me with women who were European-looking. You know, the long-hair type. Really beautiful women. That left me thinking, 'How can I compete with that?' Being a regular black girl wasn't good enough."

It wasn't just the men she dated in her early days that messed with Lil Kim's head — according to the rapper, her own father added to her issues. Her parents divorced when she was 8 and, despite the fact that she wanted to remain with her mother, her dad won custody. When she spoke to Newsweek ahead of the release of her second studio album, The Notorious K.I.M, she revealed that her father would regularly make her feel as though she wasn't good enough. "It was like I could do nothing right," she recalled. "Everything about me was wrong — my hair, my clothes, just me."

Ella Fitzgerald, Ashlesha Rising

At a young 15 years old, Fitzgerald was left motherless and fatherless. To make matters worse, she began being abused by her stepfather. The beatings were physical, but they scared her emotionally as well. She was a beaten and battered child. Her grades fell to be nearly unrecoverable, and she began skipping school regularly. It was an era of racial segregation and Ella is also believed to have been physically abused by her teachers along with some other black students.

Ella and Marilyn were good friends and are said to have bonded over their similarly traumatic lives.

Katie Holmes, Ashlesha Moon & Rising

She escaped an abusive marriage with the sociopathic Tom Cruise and his cult??? need I say more?? I am so happy she is alive and well and that she has managed to protect her daughter as well. Scientologists are insane people who absolutely destroy the lives of anybody who tries to leave their system so its a miracle that Katie is alive and doing well.

Glenn Close, Ashlesha Rising

I don't know what it is about Ashleshas and being trapped/escaping a cult but I've noticed several Ashlesha natives all have this experience

Oscar-nominated actress Glenn Close, for example, was part of a cult called the Moral Re-Armament, from the young age of 7 all the way up to 22. “If you talk to anybody who was in a group that basically dictates how you’re supposed to live and what you’re supposed to say and how you’re supposed to feel, from the time you’re 7 till the time you’re 22, it has a profound impact on you,” she once told The Hollywood Reporter.

Patricia Arquette- Ashlesha Moon

Oscar winner Patricia Arquette wasn’t just raised in Virginia’s Skymont Subud cult, but her parents were the founders of it. The so-called “spiritual movement” was known for not allowing access to bathrooms, electricity, or running water in the name of “inner guidance.” 

While still living with her family, she and her family left the commune to return to a more conventional life. Per ABC, however, the Arquette family wasn’t any better at that time either. “There was a lot of drama in the house,” Arquette said in an interview with Oprah Winfrey. “There were a lot of chairs flying around.”

Brie Larson- Ketu in Ashlesha

Brie starred in two movies, The Glass Castle & The Room that both deal with abusive relationships (she is the one stuck in them)

Our Ketu placement is where we draw our creativity from, so its interesting that Brie has played so many characters who have to deal with toxicity.

According to Hindu mythology, Ashlesha nakshatra is associated with the story of the Naga King Vasuki. It is said that Vasuki and his wife were cursed by a sage to become snakes. In order to lift the curse, they sought the help of Lord Vishnu, who advised them to perform a penance in the ashram of a sage named Jaratkaru. After performing the penance, the sage granted their wish and they were able to regain their human form. Since then, Ashlesha nakshatra has been associated with transformation and the power of penance.

In the list of celebrities I have mentioned, many of them survived their abuse and went on to live good lives but many others met with tragic ends. Being "cursed" is part of Ashlesha's mythology, which is why they receive an unfair share of bad experiences and abuse but to perform penance is very very important and something not many are going to be able to do. When so many terrible things happen to you, you're bound to think "why me? I'm a good person, I don't deserve this" and that's absolutely true, no one deserves abuse but the ones who can outlive these negative circumstances are the ones who can in Tina Turner's words "turn poison into medicine". Penance literally means inflicting punishment upon oneself but what it actually means in this context is to turn all your negative experiences that feel like you're being punished into something you can rise up above against. Poison is also part of Ashlesha's lore and while this does make Ashlesha natives rather malicious and manipulative towards others, they need to be able to use this poison as medicine to heal themselves. Otherwise, they end up succumbing to it.

[dreamingofmarauders]

𝐈'𝐦 𝐒𝐨 𝐒𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲

𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙁𝙤𝙪𝙧

James Potter x Slytherin!Fem!Reader!

Summary: In which you go back home only to find something dreadful waiting for you there already

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, torture, also blood but nothing extreme, crying, death(s), knives, I think that's it?

Previous Part Series Masterlist Next Part

───※ ·❆· ※───

Over the next week and a half or so, James was there as you recovered. To the surprise of Lily and Molly, you were doing better than they expected, you were healing fast. Of course, only you knew how many times you had been tortured that landed you on the brink of death, and made it back, all in that hellhole you used to call home.

James was constantly asking if you were alright, if you needed something, and even though you had told him not to, James Potter was full of guilt.

Not only had he misjudged you and been rude to you for years, he was the reason you could have lost your life. He had to make it up to you, somehow. And he was glad you two decided to turn back the pages and write a new story, as he found your company very pleasant.

Sirius was completely blown away at the behavior of his best mate. Sure, you had saved James' life, but that didn't mean James had to follow you around like a lost puppy. Sirius had nearly stopped his cold behavior towards you but didn't try to warm up either. Remus merely quietly chuckled to himself at the sight of James and you. It was quite amusing to him, how James had hated your guts but was now wanting to spend quality time with you.

Going into the second week after the incident, you realized you were well enough and had to head home. James however declared he would escort you home, and would not take no for an answer.

"Potter, I'll be fine." You gritted through your teeth. James' constant stubbornness did manage to get on your nerves from time to time.

"No. I am going and that's final." He said, being stubborn as ever.

"Prongs, let L/n go if she says so." Sirius spoke in between, not happy about the newfound connection between the two of you.

James glared at him and gripped your forearm with a tight grip so you couldn't remove his hand, but not tight enough to hurt you.

You sighed in exasperation. "Fine." You said, giving in. You waved goodbye to Remus and Sirius, the latter not giving any response while Remus wished you farewell.

You and James walked out of headquarters before you closed your eyes, imagining your little cottage and the two of you apparated. You felt a wave of nausea hit you as your feet hit the ground and you bent over.

"Are you ok?" James asked with worry, trying to peer at your face.

You waved a hand, "Yeah, I'm fine." You answered, straightening up. However your mouth went dry and fear filled your whole being at the sight before you.

The door to your cottage was wide open, darkness pooling out. Above the building you called home, a colossal skull, composed of what looked like emerald stars, with a serpent protruding from its mouth like a tongue, etched against the black sky like a constellation.

The Dark Mark

"Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!" You whimpered, running towards your cottage with James on your tail. You rushed in, halting near your kitchen when you saw a dark red liquid staining the walls. Your breaths began to come out short and quickly, you felt your legs weaken as you leaned against the wall for support.

"This can't be happening." You breathed out, afraid of what you would see if you walked a few more steps in. James came from behind and wrapped an arm around your shoulders, surveying the situation.

"Y/n," He spoke softly, "We should go. I'll let the Order know and they can come and-"

"No." You shook your head as you freed yourself from the young Potter's grip, walking further in.

“Y/n.” James tried but you paid him no heed.

In the middle of the room sat such a heart wrenching sight that crushed your heart and soul entirely.

Your beloved House-Elf, the one companion you had since childhood, the one who healed your wounds, the one who had always made sure you ate and slept properly. The same House-Elf who had stayed by your side no matter how many times you had freed him, the one true friend you had for the longest time.

Dead.

And what broke your heart even more was that he had sacrificed his life, as his body lay lifeless in front of a small bundle of fur, also drowning in a pool of blood. The same puppy you had rescued from the streets only two months prior.

Both of them,

Dead.

You sank to your knees, sobbing your heart out.

"I'm so sorry." You managed to say out in between the heavy sobs escaping your mouth. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you two."

James stood rooted to his spot, reeling in with shock.

You shakily raised your hands out, grabbing the handles of the very metal that was pierced into your friends bodies and pulled them out. You tossed the knives to the side in anger, letting out a scream. At that, James finally snapped out of it and kneeled down beside you, bringing you into his chest.

"I'm so sorry." He said, rubbing your back as you cried.

You two stayed in that position for the next few moments. However a new sound caught both your attention.

Crack!

You pulled away from James' chest, wiping your face as you both exchanged a look.

Someone had just apparated onto the premises.

You both immediately jumped to your feet, wands raised in front of you.

You heard very tiny sounds of the pitter patter of feet and James moved forward, putting himself in front of you. You watched with bated breath over James' shoulder and when the newly arrived came into view, you shrieked, happiness and relief overwhelming you as you pushed past James. You fell onto your knees as you hugged your best friend.

"Willy! You're alive!" You spoke, feeling like your heart would burst.

A bark sounded and a very small bundle of white fur pounced onto you, excitedly licking your face. You picked him up, peppering his face with kisses.

"Hello to you too, my sunshine." You spoke as you hugged your dog, Fluffy, to your chest and pulled in Willy for a hug with your other arm. You were so overwhelmed with joy that tears began to cascade down your face again.

"Mistress, please do not cry. Willy did not mean to make Mistress cry."

You let out a watery laugh.

"How many times have I told you to call me Y/n, Willy?"

The House-Elf's cheeks colored pink. "Sorry, Mistress."

You wiped your tears away and then frowned, turning back to look at the scene in the kitchen.

"But if you're alive then, what's that?" You asked Willy, pointing over your shoulder.

"Those are fake, Mistress." Willy squeaked out. "About two weeks ago, I heard someone apparate and the wards shifted. Willy thought it must be you, Mistress, but it was not. You had told us to run if anyone evil came here, and we did but Willy had a good idea and with magic, Willy made the impostors so the evil people think it is us but Fluffy and Willy were gone and safe."

You let out a happy cry.

"You are an absolute genius, Willy, always have been! But how did you know we were here?"

Willy's ears bounced as he replied, "Willy had put up a new ward that allowed Willy to sense a new arrival if someone passed that ward."

You shook your head, smiling brighter than James had ever seen as you turned around, almost forgetting he was there.

"We need to go back. I need to stay at Headquarters until I can find a new place to shift us all."

James nodded but spoke without realizing, "Of course, but you could come to my place, it's fairly empty."

He mentally slapped himself. You two were at loggerheads two weeks ago and now here he was offering you to stay at his flat.

You smiled, "Thank you for the offer, but it wouldn't be nice of us to intrude, plus," You looked down at the excited puppy in your arms, "Headquarters may be more ideal for Fluffy in terms of space."

James nodded, not trusting himself to speak for if he did, something stupid would escape his mouth again.

James and you went through your cottage, collecting anything of importance and essentials, before apparating back to Headquarters, leaving the cottage in the state it was in case someone came back.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

A/N: Hey everyone! I hope you're all well! This chapter was okay I feel but I'm more excited for the next few chapters, you'll see why when they're out! Take care! <33

Wizard Buddies (Taglist): @quack-quack-snacks @jamespottergf @themarauderswife7 @amethyistheart

[kokusfluffyhair]

Hey, so I was wondering if you could do y/n getting a plushie of muzan and him finding out (this is my first time requesting things+I really loved the one with the koku plushie, that's where I got my idea from! Sorry my request is badly written:'/)

You, Muzan, and Your Muzan Plushie

The Demon King had been away for a while. He had to go between some of his different disguises to find new information, leaving you alone in the Infinity Castle with Nakime. You found the situation to be quite dull. Nakime wasn't one to talk much and whenever you asked her if she wanted to hang out, she would "respectfully decline". Knowing that you would have to occupy yourself, you decided to take matters into your own hands.

What you secured for yourself was enough to amuse you for the time Muzan was away. You even forgot how long he was gone and lost track of the days. When he returned home on time (as per his schedule), you didn't even notice his arrival.

He shows up to your quarters, a sour expression on his face. Not only had he failed to find the information he was searching for on the Blue Spider Lily, but his partner had ignored his return. He was expecting that you would be glad to see him, welcoming him with a hug and to see in your eyes how relieved you were to not be alone anymore.

But no. You were lounging about, with some strange item in your hands.

Muzan sped to the futon you were on and stared down at you. By this time, you could not ignore his presence.

You look up at him. "Oh, you're back."

His eyebrows twist into a scowl. "Is that all you have to say about it?"

"I don't know. What were you expecting?"

He started to snarl a bit.

"I take it you didn't find what you wanted."

"Of course not. All of the demons are useless and can't provide me with a proper lead. They even fail to locate the Ubuyashiki residence."

"I know. I'm sorry about that." You sit up. "Do you want a hug?"

His eyes move from staring at your face down to the item in your hands. His nose crinkles as he sees it. "What ... is this ...?" He points to what you are holding.

"Oh." You look at the toy that served as your companion while Muzan was away. It was a small plushie of him. It was quite adorable and conveniently matched his signature scowl, which he currently had painted on his face as he eyed the toy. You hold the plushie up to your eye level. "It's you, Muzan."

Muzan's scowl gets more prominent. "That is not me. I'm not a shrimpy, fat little thing like that."

"But it's cute," you say.

His fangs start to show. "This thing is not ..." He stares into the eyes of the plushie. It suddenly looks to him as if the plushie is begging to be loved by him. The twisted mouth that looks like it could be a grimace starts to resemble a pout in Muzan's eyes. He freezes in an awkward silence in the middle of a stare battle with the plushie. He clears his throat. "The jacket should have gold on it, not white."

"Oh?" You hadn't really noticed. You look at the details of the plushie's jacket to find that yes, it had white on it and not gold. You look to Muzan. "Does it really matter?"

Muzan stares at the plushie again. "No. It's a toy." He stiffly raises his hand and then awkwardly pats the plushie on the head. "So, you have been keeping y/n company while I've been away? Good job. It seems you ... may not be a disappointment." A small smile crosses his lips, and he sits down next to you to give you a hug and kiss. "I missed you."

A/N: Sorry that this took forever for me to write. I didn't have the attention span to do it until now 😓

As a small extra, here's another picture of the Muzan plushie, doing his peek-a-boo, like I did with my Kokushibou plushie 😊

[thebestofoneshots]

Gilded Constellations | wolfstar x reader

Series Masterlist | Previous episode

Pairing: Wolfstar x Reader Word Count: 6.1 K Warnings: Graphic descriptions of violence. (Reader discretion is advised). Prompt: Turns out healing takes time This IS a wolfstar x reader fic, but it's incredibly slow burn. They won't start all dating each other until we're very deep into the story, but I promise the long wait will be worth it.

Chapter 22: Long Long way from home

You woke up when you heard the sound of the door creaking open, James and Peter walking inside with a sigh. You nuzzled your head deeper on Sirius. But of course, there was no way you’d escape the boys teasing. 

“You were supposed to take care not advantage of her!” Peter said, faking a reproachful tone. 

“Yeah Pads, look at you snuggling her, poor thing, she must be so uncomfortable!” added James with a small smile. 

“I’m probably the one who’s taking advantage of my situation,” you mumbled, Sirius gave you a bit of an impressed look, but neither of you pulled away from the other. “How’s Rem?” 

“Better,” Peter said as he plopped down on his bed “Pomfrey managed to accommodate all of his bones, he had some Skellegro and a bunch of painkillers, but he was pretty upset.” 

“He kept asking if you were okay,” James said, “We told him you were with Sirius, but he said he saw you, or, at least that he saw the vixen…” 

“He did see Vixen,” Sirius responded, “that’s how I brought her into the castle.” 

“We had to get some dittany to put on my wound since it wouldn’t stop bleeding so we used her as an excuse, a hurt fox is not as attention-grabbing as a bleeding student.” 

“In the infirmary, she wiggled out of my arms and peaked through the curtains, that’s probably where he saw her.”

“Yeah, he did see me,” you acknowledged, and yawned. “Pomfrey was still working with his bones, he looked like he was in a lot of pain, I feel terrible,” you admitted, digging your head into Sirius’ chest, he moved his hand to your hair in response, soothingly running his fingers on your scalp. 

“It wasn’t your fault,” Sirus said about at the same time James did, Peter said the same thing, but started about a second later, causing a funny chorus of reassuring voices. 

“In fact, what you did was insanely brave,” James added, “most people would’ve straight out attacked the wolf, I’m sure you know spells that would’ve done great damage to Moony.” 

“And you used Stupify, and the Whomping Willow, to deter him instead,” Peter said, that same expression he had used when he talked about your broom tricks. 

“We found your wands too,” James said, walking closer to you and letting your wand on the side table, “Remus’ was easier to find, exactly where you had left it, yours wasn’t so much. Peter had to use a locating spell.”

The boy nodded and then turned to you again, “How are you feeling, by the way?” Peter asked.

“Like shit,” you joked. “But I’m better, the shoulder wound hurts like a bitch, and I’m a little sore but I do feel a lot better than last night.” 

Peter, who had spent the last bit of the night next to you, looking at the way bIood dripped from your wound and how you shivered due to the cold water, really was thankful to see you better, all warm and cosy next to Sirius, he smiled. Last night you looked worried and terrified and like you had run for your life, which you really had. Today you finally looked relaxed, the frown, even visible in Vixen, was gone, “That’s good to hear,” he said honestly. 

You were about to say something else when there was a knock on the door. “Who is it?” asked James.

“Lily, open up Potter!” She said.  

The boy went pale, trying to think of excuses to give her. “She knows, she helped patch her up,” Sirius told him. James nodded with a sigh and walked to the door, opening it to let the redhead walk inside. 

She had a lot more ingredients on her hands this time around, a bag hung across her shoulder and a small vial with a potion held in between her hands, “I’ve brought a couple of potions, Kless sent one too, when I told him you’d had a bit of a rough night trying to get the flower. I didn’t say anything in specific but he said this would help with any bruises or swelling from falling or muscle exertion.” 

“Lemme help,” James said, taking in some of the ingredients Lily had on her hands, and also took the bag from her shoulder, quickly sitting it on the desk. 

“Brought you clothes too,” she added, “And I told McGonagall you were feeling really bad because of your period, she gave me a note for the rest of the teachers today. I also went back to the infirmary and swiped some bandages, so we can put on your arm and before a long sleeve.” 

“What about her face?” Peter asked, he had seen the bruises, there was no way you could mask those, especially since they all formed the shape of a hand. 

“If the potions don’t fade them away before tomorrow, makeup,” Lily replied. 

“Yeah,  I was thinking of that too, and I’ll just say I accidentally bumped into an owl or something while flying.” 

“Oooh, clever,” James said, you shot him a wink. Sirius wrapped the blanket around you and helped you incorporate while Lily walked closer with the potions. 

“This one’s for the pain,” she said handing you a small vial, “drink half of it, the next half when it comes back.” You nodded and did as told “This is the one Kless sent,” she said handing a bottle with a dropper “He said 5 drops every hour are great for swelling and soreness… and I want to wash you up before putting on the bandages, so we should probably go back to our room soon,” she turned to the boys “James would you mind passing me the bag please?” 

The boy instantly did as told “I found this plaid shirt in your trunk, you can put it on top and maybe with the invisibility cloak or… you could also turn back into a fox I suppose…” 

“Into Vixen,” Peter said.

“What? I don’t care about the technical terms–” Lily asked, a little confused. 

“–No. I mean the fox, her name’s Vixen now.” 

You raised an eyebrow “Is it?” you asked, turning to him. 

“Yeah,” James said with a nod, “you needed a name for your animagus, Vixen fits, both the fox and you, it was perfect.” 

You raised an eyebrow “Should I be offended by that?” you questioned, looking at Lily who shrugged. 

“It does kinda fit,” she said. “I mean you’re stubborn but alluring, and charming–“ 

“–Clever and cunning, too.” Peter added, “We were discussing it all through Defence Against the Dark Arts.” 

“Well… I like it,” Sirius said, leaning in closer to you and wrapping his arms around your waist, careful not to move the bed too much since the potions were still there “My little Vixen,” he whispered in your ear. You pouted in response. 

“But… Vixen?” 

“You’ll come around,” Peter said with a shrug, “It’s always like that with the nicknames, trust me.” 

“It’d be easier to travel to our room as a fox, wouldn’t it?” You asked. 

“If turning does not make you uncomfortable, yeah…” Lily replied.

You shook your head “I missed it actually, It’d been a while since I turned into… Vixen.” 

“Is that why you kept asking about the forest?” Sirius asked.

You nodded “Way before the Moonflower? Yeah,” you responded and leaned your head back onto Sirius’ shoulder, he was still hugging you, and even though it was a little painful where Barty had dug his fingers to hold you while you fought off him, Sirius’ embrace was soothing, and comforting. Sirius was soothing and comforting, and you felt bad again, knowing that Remus was completely alone at the infirmary. You turned to him “You should go see Remus.” 

He frowned “But Lily still has Care of Magical Creatures, she’ll leave you alone in your room–”

“It’s ok,” you interrupted, reassuringly. “You should go see him, he’s your best friend. Heck, I want to go too but I’m aware I can’t.” 

“And I’ll stay with her,” Lily added with a sure nod. 

“You’ll ditch your class?” Asked James, incredulous. 

“It wouldn’t be the first time, besides, I will be taking care of a Magical Creature anyway,” she said pointing at you. You gasped, and Peter snickered at her joke, “Let’s go before more people come up to the common room,” she told you. 

You nodded and motioned to get up, but Sirius squeezed you just a little tighter and leaned in to give you a soft kiss on the cheek “You sure you’re okay with this, Starshine?” he whispered in your ear. 

You nodded, Remus was probably feeling a lot worse than you were anyway, heck, he had needed urgent medical attention and Skellegro because of you, he definitely deserved to see his friends a lot more than you did, and you knew how close he was to Sirius. “Stay with him for a while, make him laugh like you do all the time. Tell him I’m fine. That I’m not hurt. Tell him we’ll be alright,” you added in the end “Tell him I’ll go visit as soon as I don’t look like a zombie… Wait, no! Don’t say that, he’ll probably worry.” 

Sirius chuckled lightly, “He would.” 

“All right then, I’ll see you around I guess,” you said, before you shrunk back into Vixen. Once you had, you realised just how much better you felt already, the drastic change from the way you felt the previous night and in that moment almost shocking. 

Lily approached you tentatively, as if she was scared you’d run off if she got too close. “It’s alright,” Sirius said, “just grab her like you would a cat, she’ll let you.” 

Lily did as told, approaching you and gently pulling you up to her. She was so impossibly gentle that you wondered if you had been picked up by an angel instead. But then again, Lily really was like an angel. “James, do you mind crossing the bag over my shoulder?”

The boy, who had been dumbly staring at the girl, nodded, carefully slinging the bag over the redhead’s shoulder. 

Then you saw a flash and turned your face towards it. Lily seemed a little bothered too, “Sorry, you combine with each other,” Sirius said, holding Remus’ polaroid between his hands. “Smile girls!” he added, before taking another picture. 

Lily shook her head in disapproval “Stop annoying your girlfriend and go visit your friend instead,” she reprimanded. 

“I just wanted a picture of her,” Sirius said with a pout. 

“To wank off to?” Peter teased. 

Lilly gasped while Sirius intervened “She’s literally a fox right now you plonker!”

“All right, we’re out.” Lily said before picking a couple of vials and placing them on the bag, “before these dumbasses start discussing the implications of being furries or something.” 

James gasped, you flicked your tail and stared at Sirius, he knew what you meant, “I’ll go check on him in a minute Starshine, I’ll just change before I do.” You nodded and rested your head on Lily’s arms. 

She finally took off towards your shared room. Mary and Marlene weren’t there, and she walked straight to the bathroom, gently laying you on top of the bathroom seat before turning on the tap and tempering the water. She added some of the potions she had in the bag to the water and then turned to you, you had already turned back. 

“You think you can wash by yourself?” she asked. 

You nodded “Thanks Lily,” you said again, she just smiled. 

“If you need any help, just ask,” she told you, holding onto your hands, and helping you stand, even if you could’ve done it by yourself. “I’ll prepare some more of the dittany and silver essence paste. Make sure to be extra careful in that section, all right?” 

You nodded “Yes doc,” you joked, for what she smacked you playfully. 

“Go on then, you should probably lay back down for a while shortly after we’re done patching you up, especially since you can’t miss your classes tomorrow.” 

You nodded and started taking off the pants Sirius had borrowed, Lily leaving the bathroom shortly after making sure you’d be able to finish stripping by yourself. You finished peeling off the rest of your clothes and slowly let yourself fall on the tub, the warmth quickly soothing your skin and muscles. Whatever Lily had put in there was definitely doing its magic, in the most literal sense. You allowed yourself to be completely engulfed by the water, holding your breath there for about a minute before bursting out again. Definitely better, you thought as you breathed in again. 

You stayed there for a while, carefully rubbing your arms and legs, with the soapy water. You sighed when you spotted some of the bruises in your stomach. Pressing your finger on one of them only to wince. Even if they had only locked you up in an abandoned and haunted house, you would’ve been pissed, but what they did to you required revenge. You had held yourself back long enough, being patient and letting them taunt, ignoring them, hoping they’d get bored, for the sake of your friends, for Lily who’d made you promise not to mess with them. But not anymore, if being patient got you almost kiIIed, you’d retaliate. And boy, they would regret ever messing with you. 

You weren’t sure how you’d do it, but you knew you’d make them regret it. You took a deep breath, trying to relax again, before finally standing up and wrapping yourself up in a towel, slowly patting yourself dry, but completely avoiding the open wound. Finally, you went to the mirror to wash your teeth, and you finally understood why everyone had been so worried about you. You imagined you looked beaten up, but the way Sirius had described you was probably the most accurate: “You look like you’re about to break apart.” 

You stared at your broken reflection for a minute, the remnants of the previous night evidently imprinted all over your body. Even if you had managed to snatch sleep while you were with Sirius earlier, deep and rather sunken under-eye circles painted deep shadows beneath your eyes. Your usually soft lips were dry and chapped, and the section that had parted was already starting to heal, turning into a deep shade of brown. It still hurt when you stretched them.

You tilted your head backwards, moving the wet hair that clung to your neck back and traced your hand over the bruises left by Evan's thoughtless grasp. Each purple spot an echo of his strong fingers holding you still while stupid Barty mocked. Your jaw clenched, the memory alone was enough to rekindle the smouldering rage deep within you. Weak, a nagging little voice in your brain whispered, taunting you with cruel words, you were weak. 

Your breath became ragged as your eyes welled up with angry tears. You contemplated punching the mirror, having it break beneath your fingers, as you shouted your rage off existence. But the mirror wasn’t at fault for the situation you had ended up in, neither had your would-be hurt hand. And whether it was due to cleverness or cowardice, you didn’t dare to do it. Especially since you knew the breaking glass would make too much noise and it would only worry Lily further, instead you gripped the sides of the sink until your knuckles turned white and you managed to calm down, taking deep breaths until your fury finally subdued. 

You went through the potions on the counter, trying to see if the “radiant complexion” one you had made with the girls was still there, and thankfully it was. You smiled drily as you opened it and served some over the spoon you sometimes used to curl your lashes, taking it in one go, and wincing at the slightly bitter taste. You looked in the mirror again, the bruises were still there, but they had been significantly reduced in vibrance, if you also drank all the potions Lily had brought, they might be gone by tomorrow, the part in your lip was still there, but you weren’t hoping for it to disappear that fast either. 

Your eyebags were almost completely gone, and with the magic of the bath still working all over your body you almost looked as new, the potion Lily had given you earlier effectively taking away almost all of the pain. A little bit more rest and potions and you were sure to look brand new by the next day. Well, almost, the claw marks wouldn’t heal nearly that fast, even with magical care, they were sure to stay for a while. No, it’ll stay forever, you remembered: Any bite or scratch obtained from a werewolf, whether in human or animal form, would leave a permanent scar.

You stared at the claw marks on your arm, the deep gush finally turning a darker shade of red, the dittany and silver were helping it heal, so much so you could almost see the way your skin was slowly fighting to restore itself.  You sighed, laughing a little as you shook your head. “It’s certainly going to be an interesting scar.” 

After looking at it for just a little longer, you finished drying yourself up and put on the plaid pyjama pants Lily had left for you on top of the toilet seat. You struggled to put on a black tank top and wrapped the towel around your head.

When you walked outside, Lily was waiting for you sitting on your bed, a tray with a bunch of potions, the dittany and silver paste, and a couple of bandages placed right next to her. She smiled when she saw you walk out “You look much better.” 

You smiled “I’ve got the best doc.” 

Lily shook her head with a smile as she motioned for you to sit beside her, having you sit on the bed and inspecting your wound. “It really does look a lot better,” she said, sounding pleased “I’m going to put ointment again, and bandage it so you can sleep peacefully, all right?” 

You nodded, and she started applying the thick creamy mixture. It was a light green and shiny metallic, you had been in so much pain earlier that you hadn’t even noticed the pretty colour it actually was, a little like Lily’s eyes. 

She was just as kind and careful when she applied it as she’d been when she did it the first time around. And when she was done, she carefully wrapped your arm with the bandage. 

“Thanks, Lily,” you said, for like the fifth time that day, but you didn’t know what else to say. How do you express how much gratitude you felt towards her if not by saying it over and over and over again? 

“You’re welcome luv,” she said with a smile “It really is nothing, now, this is the medicine that you’re going to–“ 

“–I’m a quarter fairy,” you said all of a sudden. 

“What?” she asked, a little confused. 

“Yeah, I’m… I’m a quarter fairy, from my mother’s side.” 

“And you’re telling me be–“ 

“–cause I trust you. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone like you as a friend, you’re incredible and I… I wanted to be honest with you...” 

She quickly understood what you were saying, feeling both compelled and admired by the amount of trust you had given her, which is why she too said something she never expected to say out loud “–I think I’m in love with James Potter.” 

And that, ladies gentlemen, felt like a cold bucket of water thrown right at your face with absolutely no warning. You were certainly not expecting that, or maybe you were, but it was shocking just the same, suddenly you smiled, so wide, and so happy, you completely ignored the stinging pain from your lip injury opening up again, “Lily that’s amazing!” 

She let a rather choked laugh out, “Never thought I’d say that out loud.” 

You shrugged, wincing at the sharp pain from your shoulder wound, but ignoring it either way. “Well that’s how you start, I’m sure you and James will make a wonderful couple.” 

“God no! That’s too fast.” 

“Why waste time? Trust me, I regretted not snogging Sirius sooner!” 

“Ugh shut up!” she said, smiling just as wide as you. “Now it’s time to take your medicine.” 

You gasped, still smiling “Lily Evans, don’t you dare change the subject!” 

She raised her hands in rendition “I’m not!” she responded, “It’s time, look at the clock.” 

Lily was still laughing, the two of you were, your arms falling up and down, as you shook your head and looked at your friend, finally deciding to let her off the hook and grabbing onto the potions, taking one at a time.

“Don’t you dare tell Potter!” She said then, an accusing finger at your face. 

“As if he needed encouragement to go after you,” you responded before taking a long sip at one of the potions and wincing at the burning sensation, “but trust me, you’ll wish you had done it sooner,” you said with a wink before grabbing the bottle with the dropper and pouring five drops down your throat.

“Here, take three sips of this one too,” she said handing you another bottle, “this one’s specifically for bruises, it takes a bit to work but it’s really effective, some people use them for hickeys.”  You raised your eyebrows at her, but she gave you a warning look that you replied with an innocent shrug. 

Eventually, and after a couple more vials, she dropped a small round oval-shaped candy-looking thing on your hand, “What does this one do?” you asked curiously. 

“It’s a lemon sherbet,” she said as if it were obvious. 

You looked at the candy and then back at her, a confused look on your face as you bit your lip ever so slightly “Does it like… help with the pain or soreness or…” 

Lily gave you a confused frown “No? It just helps with the flavour.” 

You looked at the little yellow ball one last time and plopped in your mouth, “Oh… it’s candy!” you said with a smile as a tangy, zesty lemon flavour exploded inside your mouth, both sweet and sour at the same time “It’s good.” 

The redhead gave you a shocked look “You’re telling me you’d never tried a Lemon Sherbet?” 

You shook your head “They’re not a thing back home,” you replied as you relished on the lemony taste of the candy. 

“And here I thought you’d already gotten the entire English experience,” she said, you shrugged in response, holding your breath and lowering your shoulders a lot slower now, clenching your jaw as you let pain subdue. Lily gave you a sympathetic look “You better rest for a bit.” You tilted your head, a reproachful frown forming on your features. “None of that,” she said, shutting you down with a dismissive hand gesture “No puppy eye looks, time to sleep, doctor’s orders.” 

“Fine then,” you said, slowly laying down on the bed, kicking your legs a little to dig them under the soft blanket, ignoring how sore they were, you weren’t sure you had ever run as much as last in your entire life “I’ll rest.” 

Lily smiled, “I’ll shut the curtains before the girls arrive,” she said before going back to sit on her bed and picking up a book from her night table. You smiled and turned back to your ceiling, looking at it for a couple of minutes until you slowly drifted asleep. 

November 24th, 1976

When you woke up again, it was due to hunger. No, not hunger, starvation. You looked at the clock, it was around 5 a.m. You had charms in 2 hours, you looked around, everyone was sleeping soundly on their beds, so you decided to quietly sneak towards the bathroom.

You stared at your reflection again, the potions had worked gracefully, Even if you were still sore, and your arm still ached, the bruises were almost completely gone, your lips looked plump again, even if they were still parted. You grabbed the same potion from yesterday and took another spoonful, the bruises finally disappeared. You looked brand new, even if you didn’t quite feel like it. You took some more of Lily’s painkiller potions and grabbed some cosmetics to make your eyebags less visible. 

You looked at yourself again, “Good as new,” you muttered, taking a deep breath and stepping out of the bathroom, hearing your stomach rumble again. Everyone was still asleep, so you changed into your uniform, grabbing a couple of chocolate bars and stuffing them in your pockets, you’d take them to Remus when you had the chance. 

You walked closer to Lily’s bed, and gently shook her awake. “I’m going to get myself something to eat from the kitchens, see you later at the Great Hall.” 

Lily turned to you a little sleepy “I’ll come with…” she said, attempting to get up, but you stopped her.

“No, it’s your turn to rest. I’ll be alright, I feel a lot better.” 

“Your bandages…” 

“They’re good,” you reassured “We can change them after charms or during lunch.” 

“You sure luv?” 

You nodded with a smile “Yeah, totally, but I really need to eat,” you told her with a smile. 

As you walked out you spotted Prongs sitting in the common room “You look a lot better,” he said as he motioned at you with a nod of his head “How you feeling.” 

“Lils would be an incredible doctor,” you said as you turned around. 

“She’s perfect,” James said with a sigh, you smiled but rolled your eyes either way. “Why are you awake?” 

“Starving, you?” 

“I woke up for a fly and then remembered both you and Sirius are knackered.” 

“You could go by yourself,” you said with a shrug.”

“Yeah, I was going to… but then I remembered we planned to go see Remus before class, I’m waiting for the boys.” 

You nodded, and sat down beside him, taking one of the chocolate bars from your pockets and unwrapping the chocolate. 

James raised one of his eyebrows “What are you doing? Weren’t you starving?” 

You took a bite from the chocolate “Oh I am, but I’m tagging along with you guys instead, I haven’t seen Rem since that night.” 

“You sure you’re not too hungry?” he asked as he watched you devour the chocolate and vanish the wrapping with the swish of your wand. 

“Yeah, totally,” you replied as you pulled another bar from your uniform. James raised one of his eyebrows but didn’t say anything else. Meanwhile, you were already imagining the sausage you’d have for breakfast afterwards. 

Peter came down first “Oh Vixen! You look great!” he said when he saw you, still munching on the second bar of chocolate. 

You blinked a couple of times after hearing the nickname drop so naturally from his lips, “Thanks Wormmy…” you responded, almost tentatively. 

He smiled at that and gave you a thumbs up. Permission, you realised, that was Peter’s way of letting you into the group, whether on purpose or not, you were one of them now. 

Sirius came down next, taking faster strides when he spotted you, when he was right in front of you, he leaned down, levelling his head with yours and placing both hands on the sides of your head to carefully inspect you, he was clearly surprised, “I feel like you were switched at night, other than your lip you look like nothing happened,” he said as he moved your head to the side to try and take a peek at your neck, you groaned in response. 

“Yeah, the soreness’s still there though,” you muttered. “But the potions did an incredible job.” 

Sirius nodded in agreement, “We’re going to see Moony, wanna join in?” 

“That’s why I’m still here,” you replied with a small smile. Sirius looked at you for a second before leaning over just a bit more and pressing his lips to your softly. You smiled, but raised an eyebrow questioningly “What was that for?” 

“Just because,” he replied, mirroring your smile.

“All right love puppies, time to go,” Peter said as he stood up, James mirrored his actions. 

“Love puppies?” you questioned with a gasp as you stood up, using the hand Sirius had offered to do so.

“Well, Vixen and Padfoot are both canines so yeah, you’re love puppies,” he replied, matter of factly. 

James turned around instantly, a raised finger and a playful smile on his face “Spot on!” 

Peter smiled and nodded in return, you and Sirius eyed each other at their interaction, but continued walking behind them. Sirius stood really close to you, so close your hands were brushing with each other as you walked, it was as if after being so close to you while you cuddled him on his bed, he couldn’t get enough of you. And he really couldn’t. 

He had gone to see Moony after you left with Lily, he had stayed with him for a while and they joked and talked for a couple of hours like they always did. And it’s not that he wasn’t worried for Remus, he always got a little queasy when the boy was bedridden, especially since most moons after they became animagus had been a lot easier on his friend. 

But he also knew Remus was strong, he’d seen him get up time and time again after looking like he had snogged a dementor, so pale he downright looked like a vampire instead of a werewolf. But every single time Remus got better in a matter of days, maybe a little sore and snappy after particularly rough moons but he always got better. You on the other hand… Sirius had never seen you as bruised and bIoodied like the previous night. So tired you looked like you might fall apart, so desperate and scared. 

Because you had been scared, he knew, even if you masked it wonderfully, he knew the signs, he had used the same techniques to hide his own emotions in the past, the worst part is that Sirius wasn’t sure if you had been scared for yourself or if you had been scared for Moony instead. Either way, when you turned back into a human, and he saw all the bruises for the first time it took him all the strength he had not to crumble at the sight. 

You had looked pale and tired and he had never quite realised how delicate you actually were before that. Sure, he knew you were soft, softer than the boys, softer than Remus, but the bruises on your face, simply from a hand gripping you too tight, were almost shocking. And it’s not that you were so fragile that he thought you were going to break apart, heck he knew how strong you were, he’d seen you play quidditch, getting up after falls time and time again, but he was shocked how much more fragile you were in comparison to him. 

And it bothered him, no, it irked him, that no matter how much you probably fought the Slytherins they had overpowered you either way. It made him scared for you like he’d never been for anyone in his life, except maybe from Moony, when the incident happened. 

Even if Remus was much stronger, there had been something weird going on in his head last night, he knew, but wasn’t sure what that could’ve been, he was a lot quieter than usual. Sirius asked him about it but the boy said it was because of the Skellegro. Sirius knew he was lying but didn’t press further, instead, he offered to stay the night.

“I can stay, you know? I mean we might not fit in the same bed like we did when we were kids but I could pull a couple of chairs and stay over.” 

“Please no! I won’t be able to sleep with your snoring,” Remus said humorously, it was a total lie, he didn’t care about Sirius’ snoring, but he knew for sure he’d rather stare at the boy sleep than sleep himself.  It was better to kick Sirius away. 

When Sirius returned from talking to Remus, he took a quick shower and threw himself in his bed again, it smelled of you, and he couldn’t help but worry for you again. He wanted to jump off his bed and sneak into your room just to make sure you were better. He could not help but replay in his head how you had almost begged for him to stay with you instead of getting a cloak or something to bring you in. He felt like he had abandoned you, even if it was you the one that left the room with Lily. He couldn’t be with Remus and he couldn’t be with you. Sirius had slept terribly that night. 

You leaned closer to him, wrapping your index and thumb over his pinky finger “You all right Puppy?” you asked him politely. 

That seemed to finally snap Sirius out of his thoughts, he smiled instantly, looking at how much better you looked and nodded “Yeah, fantastic,” he responded, turning his hand and wrapping it around yours, you gave him a reassuring squeeze and he returned it shortly after. 

The four of you entered the infirmary shortly after. Madam Pomfrey was there, and she smiled when she saw you, “Oh! Hi sweetheart, how are those nightmares going? You’re here to see Mr. Lupin, aren’t you? I sort of expected to see you yesterday, I assume you were rather busy.”

“Yeah, uh… I think those nightmares won’t be coming back anymore,” you said with a little smile, Sirius squeezed your hand. “How’s Rem?” 

“A lot better, he should be checking out by tomorrow,” she said with a smile “Poor boy had a really tough time as I was fixing him up,” you winced, Pomfrey assumed it was because you imagined the situation, rather than the real reason: you felt guilty. 

“Can we see him?” Peter asked with a very polite smile. He looked like the kind of kid that would instantly be liked by adults in that very second. 

Pomfrey nodded with a tight smile “I’ll go see if he’s awake,” she said before disappearing to the back of the room in between a couple of curtains. 

“You think he’s feeling better?” you asked, turning to the boys. 

James nodded “I’m sure he’s better. You were with him last night, Pads, how was he?”

Sirius turned his gaze on you “A lot better than you were when you left, so stop worrying.” 

You were about to say something in return when Pomfrey came back with an apologetic expression on her face “I’m sorry kids, but Remus is asleep at the moment. Why don’t you come back later?” 

You let out a disappointed sigh when you heard it but nodded. Finally realising how silly it was to visit Remus so early in the morning, he would be better off sleeping in, you had certainly felt a lot better after sleeping yourself.

“Well then, the great hall it is,” James said, turning to you, which would have offended you had it not been for the rumbling in your belly after he said it. You still felt impossibly hungry. Then James went over and placed his arm over your shoulders, which caused you to yelp since he accidentally brushed your wound. 

James removed his arm in an instant and scurried away from Sirus’ hand, which had gone straight for a slap in the back of his head. 

“You alright sweetie?” Pomfrey asked, concerned. 

You turned to her while you thought of a decent excuse “Yeah, I was just surprised, I guess I’m still a bit sleepy,” you smiled apologetically, “We’re really sorry for making so much noise Madam Pomfrey, we’ll be on our way.” 

She nodded in response and you hurried outside. Once far enough James turned to you with a worried frown “Are you okay? I didn’t ruin all of Lily’s work, did I?”

You wished you could actually get angry at James, but he was so genuinely worried that there was no way you could, so you just shook your head with a sigh “Just be careful, it stung like a bitch.” 

“I’ll buy you any food you want at Hogsmeade on Saturday to make up for it.” 

You turned to him with a raised eyebrow “James you can’t.” 

“What do you mean I can’t?” James said with a frown, looking about ready to argue that he could spend his money however the hell he pleased.

“Saturday’s the 27th,” Peter added. 

James went pale, that was the day of his date with Lily. 

The Polaroid

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A/N: Guys, I'm soft, Lily is way too sweet.

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[oliversrarebooks]

The Rare Bookseller Part 40: The Maestro's Mark

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June 1905

TW: mind control, body control, captivity, human auction, abuse, burning, branding, mouth whump, forced self-harm, dissociation, this one's kind of a doozy isn't it

"Sir -- " Fitz's voice had returned to him, and he was dismayed to find it shaky and weak, much like his knees. Beside him, Miss Lily was gripping his chain so hard he thought she might crumble it to dust. "Sir -- who was -- "

"The Maestro, an old and powerful vampire lord. My sire, and Alexander's sire as well. The one responsible for turning us into vampires," Miss Lily said, picking him up into a princess carry. "I wasn't expecting him to be here. He normally does not purchase his thralls."

"Is he --" Fitz faltered with the amount of questions he wanted to ask, before settling on the most important one. "Is he cruel, sir?"

She hesitated to answer as she carried him backstage and out into the hallway. "...Yes," she finally said. "Yes, he is cruel. I'm sorry."

She sounded like she meant the apology, and Fitz's too-short life flashed before his eyes.

"What should I do, sir?"

"There's nothing you can do now. Nothing you can do but be obedient. Try to find the private places in your mind to retreat to, places where he can't reach. Eat whatever you're offered when you can. Sleep as much as possible. And never be defiant, even for the smallest matter. The price will never be worth it."

"...You seem as though you know what you're talking about, sir."

"I was his thrall, once."

It was a colorful and loud nightmare as Fitz was carried through the bustling hallway filled with vampires and their newly purchased thralls, talking and laughing and showing off their fashions. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that when he would open them, he'd be somewhere else. The lumpy couch in his drafty, shared apartment. His dressing room backstage. Even the opulent prison of his bedroom back at his family's home.

He'd found that unbearably oppressive at the time. Perhaps he'd been a fool to leave, after all.

When he opened his eyes again, he was in a small room primarily occupied by a desk and a few chairs. A vampire in a fashionable black dress, her neck and ears dripping with jewels, entered the room. "Oh my, Lily, your expression is better suited for a funeral. You've sold your little project for an extravagant amount of cash. Whatever could be the problem?"

Miss Lily's face was sour as a lemon. "You know very well how I feel about my sire, Colette."

"His money will spend as good as everyone else's. If you ask me, you were a little too attached to this thrall."

"I don't care one iota about this thrall," she said, her grip tightening on Fitz's shoulders. "I just think that no one, not even a thrall, deserves the displeasure of serving my sire."

"And yet, I assume you'll want your share of the earnings."

"And yet."

The door opened, and Fitz's new owner entered the room. Perhaps it was Fitz's fevered imagination, but even the gas lamps seemed to flicker in response to the foreboding aura. He gave Miss Lily a small nod, and Fitz felt her fingers dig in tighter, painful.

"It's truly an honor to do business with you, Maestro, sir,"  said Miss Colette, settling behind the desk. "Now, then, sir, you'll owe eleven thousand dollars, unless you require any additional services..."

"No, thank you." He was staring at Fitz now, and it felt like icicles sliding down his back. Fitz couldn't help the impulse to look away -- and realized that he couldn't. He was caught hopelessly in the web of power once more.

His master, as soon as the money was handed over. His master forever. There would be no escaping a man like this.

Never be defiant. The price will never be worth it.

Never be himself ever again.

No, he had to snap out of it. There had to be a way out of this. Some way to charm him, to appeal, to get them both on the same side. There had to be. Weaseling out of bad situations was one of his specialties.

The Maestro was reaching into his coat and pulling out a pouch of what looked to be actual golden coins, as if he were some kind of royalty. Miss Colette didn't seem to regard this as strange, taking the coins from the pouch and weighing them on a small scale. Satisfied with the amount, she handed him a contract to sign.

"Now, if the transaction is complete," he said, "please leave so I can discipline my spawn and my thrall."

"Of course, sir." Miss Colette filed out of the room immediately.

Fitz's protests and his screams died in his throat, along with his desperate impulses to flee anywhere. He was under his new master's power again, frozen in time. He'd never escape, of course, but it still hurt to not even be allowed to try first, to be trapped in a treacherous body that wouldn't obey even his smallest commands.

"Lily," he said, approaching her, and Fitz realized that Miss Lily was holding him in front of her as though Fitz could shield her from her sire. "This thrall has an excellent bloodline and potential. Why did you train him improperly and allow him to make an embarrassment of you?"

"He's a performer by nature, sire, as I'm sure you can see," said Miss Lily, and she sounded as subdued and fearful as Fitz was, a far cry from her confident nature when enthralling him. "He is fully trained and obedient. I simply thought it was amusing to allow him to continue to perform, sire. Plenty of vampires would desire a thrall for entertainment. I don't think he's an embarrassment. It took skill to render him obedient while keeping his personality intact."

If Fitz could move, he would be nodding vigorously, appreciative of Miss Lily's defense.

"Yes. Performance is his nature, that much is true just by looking at him. But you need to be in better control of the thralls in your care, not allow them to preen and pose on the auction block." He reached past Fitz to touch Lily's hair, tucking loose strands of her hair into her bun. Fitz could feel her hands tremble. "Oh, child, I worry that I am too lenient on your soft heart. I don't understand what I did to be cursed with two spawn so gifted and yet so foolish."

"Thank you for your patience with us, sire."

"Indeed. And because you do often delight me, I will allow the punishment to be light."

"Yes, sire. Thank you, sire."

"Here. Take my knife." The Maestro held out a silver knife in a white-gloved hand, and Lily let go of Fitz's arm to take it. "You will find an unoccupied bathroom. You will remove your dress so that you do not bloody it. You will cut out your tongue. You will clean yourself and your surroundings thoroughly. You will then put your dress back on and join my other wayward spawn in the parlor."

Fitz's eyes widened at the description of the punishment, the only movement he could manage. He wanted to run. He wanted to scream. He couldn't do either. Miss Lily let go of his arms, and as she exited the room, head bowed low, he had the desperate, irrational impulse to stop her. True to her advice, she showed no sign of defiance, even when her sire was asking her to do the unthinkable -- as a "light" punishment. From the hard look in her eyes, he had no doubt that she was going to do it.

The door clicked shut. And Fitz was alone with his master.

The strange power forced Fitz's head up to look into the Maestro's eyes as he drew near, like a puppet on strings. With a surprisingly gentle touch, a gloved hand reached out and ruffled his hair, then hooked a finger under his chin and inspected his face from each angle. A soft finger traced down his neck and exposed collarbone, but there was no indication from his heavy aura that the vampire wanted to feed. There was no indication of any desire at all. Just control. Pure control.

What could he do to sway a man like this? He recognized his look, the man who was used to being the most powerful in the room, the kind who couldn't spare a scrap of tolerance for anyone else. No humor, no imagination. The kind of person Fitz usually avoided, or brought up on stage only to tease and get a response from the audience. On stage, Fitz held the power.

His new owner was center stage, now, and not one to relinquish the spotlight easily.

"Fitzwilliam de Hastings," said the Maestro in that musical voice. "You will answer my questions honestly. First -- do you fear me?"

Fitz felt his tongue loosen. This, at least, was an easy question. "Yes, Master."

"You are correct to. At least you are not that sort of fool. Now, tell me -- did you wish for my spawn Alexander to purchase you?"

He recalled the pathetic, fleeting hope he'd had when he'd flirted with Mr. Alexander in the showroom. Yes, yes he had, but he suspected that was the wrong answer. What had worked on Mr. Alexander wouldn't work here -- he needed to work a new angle. "I did think that at first, Master, but then you made that impeccable entrance. You're clearly the vampire all other vampires respect -- it's an honor to have been purchased by you."

The Maestro nodded, then removed one of his gloves.

A percussive crack rang through Fitz's ears, and it took his brain a moment to catch up and realize that he had been slapped hard across the face.

"Do not ever lie to me, child, and do not insult me with your cheap flattery. This is your only warning," his master said, in precisely the same tone as before, not betraying anger or disappointment or any emotion at all. "Try again. Did you wish for my spawn Alexander to purchase you?"

"Yes, Master," said Fitz immediately, praying that he wouldn't incur any further punishment. His tongue. He'd ordered Miss Lily to cut out her own tongue. And if his master wanted to do the same to him, there'd be nothing he could do about it, his very body out of his control.The thought of being permanently rendered mute, unable to joke and flirt and tease and perform --

It hadn't settled in before, had it? What it truly meant to be in thrall to a vampire. Between Miss Lily's mesmerism and his own hubris, he'd imagined himself getting out of this by charming the vampire, carving himself a better life through wit and charisma, as he'd always managed. But these vampires were so much more powerful than him and always would be. What good is wit against a creature who can control your body on a whim, or take your mind away with a word?

He couldn't save himself. No one was coming to save him. There was only him and his cruel new master, and he was unable even to express the despair bubbling up within him. A fate so much worse than death, inescapable.

The re-gloved hand stroked Fitz's cheek gently in the place that was still stinging from the slap. "Despite your ill manners, you have potential, Fitzwilliam. My darling Lily saw that in you, no doubt. A born performer with a compelling presence. Sharp minded. And so, so beautiful. A pity about your headstrong nature," he said. "But you needn't concern yourself. I only need to patiently carve away your imperfections. And I am a very patient vampire."

"Thank you, Master," said Fitz, who had never been more frightened of so-called praise in his life.

"More importantly, I believe you are the key to finally breaking my Alexander's will."

"...I don't understand, sir."

"Thralls aren't meant to understand, child. Thralls are meant to obey. And I have decided what young Alexander's lesson will be." He drew his hand away. "I will give you to Alexander."

Fitz couldn't help but furrow his brow, confused. That couldn't be right. 

"It will be a test for him. One that he will fail."

The Maestro pulled a small metal cylinder from his coat. He carefully lifted the glass from the lamp sitting on Miss Colette's desk, beckoning Fitz forward. Fitz felt himself sleepwalking towards his master, even as the Maestro dipped the metal object in the lamp's flame, even as Fitz realized with growing dread what was about to happen.

"He will forget you belong to me. He will desire to possess you, cherish you, perhaps even love you. He will believe he can rescue you from me. He will be incorrect. I will allow him to believe this, then I will take you from him, and I will break you, and suffering will be a teacher to you both."

Fitz's heart pounded.

"Kneel."

His puppeted body gracefully knelt upon the carpet, the crushed red velvet of his dress cushioning his legs, as he looked up in terror.

With a calm, unreadable expression, the Maestro pulled down the neckline of his ball gown and pressed the burning metal to Fitz's flesh, just below his collarbone.

He couldn't scream. He couldn't flinch. He couldn't fight or back away. He couldn't do anything but feel his eyes filling with tears as the white hot pain seared through his body.

Fitz barely even noticed when the brand was pulled away, because the pain hardly lessened. His master was examining his handiwork, and, seemingly satisfied, made Fitz's body stand.

There was no way Fitz could be standing through the shock and the pain, but the puppet strings controlling his every move made it so, forcing him to walk on weak and shaky legs.

"Now show your gratitude for my precious gift."

Fitz's body curtsied low. 

But Fitz's mind, flooded with pain and endorphins and magic, was traveling far away. Away from here, anywhere but here, anything but this. Anything but an inescapable descent into hell.

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Well, wasn't that fun.

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[severussnapemylove]

finally someone that thinks lily was a horrible friend to snape!! People always get very defensive whenever I say that I don't like Lily and I try to explain to them why but they're always just pro mauraders and stuff, and they don't even give proper reasoning 😭 . But I think lily was a horrible friend because like her best friend or what she claimed to be her best friend was getting bullied and tormented and she barely even did nothing about it, and then went off and married her "best friends" main bully. I get it that Snape shouldn't have called her a mudblood but I also completely understand his frustration that would've been leading up to that and he very obviously regretted it (which I know doesn't excuse it but still)

Anyways sorry for rambling!! Im so glad I found your blog ❤️

Hiya!! Ramble away <3 :)

I think Lily gets this sainted status because she died to protect Harry and saved him through love magic. And that is great, she was a very brave mother. But as a friend, what I've seen so far is disappointing. When you have a best friend, if you truly love them, you are ride-or-die for them. And Lily, from what I've seen, just comes across as at best apathetic. She knows he comes from a bad home environment; she can see him being bullied and targeted, and she thinks he should be grateful to his bully for restraining from killing him????? She married the boy who indecently assaulted her best friend?????? And her defending the Marauders vs the Slytherins with "They didn't use dark magic". What the hell? That's like saying "He was stabbed with a kitchen knife, not a hunting knife. It's completely different." And yes, Sev crossed a line with the mudblood comment, but hurt people at their breaking point cross lines, they say heated things they don't mean, and unless you've been in that situation it's hard to understand. He spent his life regretting one word. But if I saw my friend being choked out by a pack of thugs, said thugs would sent swimming with the giant squid. Who stands on the sidelines while their best friend is being hurt?

Lily is just not a good friend. And the fact that she was Severus's only light in life is just painful. How different could his life had turned out if he had only a few people truly on his side?

[writteninlunarlight-years]

Hii! Can you write headcanons for what it would be like for a female reader to share a dorm with marauders?(since/starting first year) Maybe like girls dorms were full?? I know it makes no sense but i couldn't come up with anything else. Thanks in advance 🎀

The Marauders Men X Reader

Headcanons

(Suggestive themes, 18+ just to be safe, bullying, AFAB reader)

When you first arrived at Hogwarts, you were full of hope and optimism. You were going to be the best Witch of your time. Yet it all came crashing down when your name wasn't called with everyone else's. All other students had been sorted, but looking oddly up at McGonigal, she seemed just as worried as you were. Quickly, you were escorted to the headmaster's office and had a discussion.

You were apparently supposed to be at the American school for witches and wizards; however, due to your recent move, things got complicated. Since the castle wasn't ready for you yet, you were left in a weird situation. The first step was house placement; as the hat debated extensively where to put you, it suddenly landed on Gryffindor. This led to a new issue, there were no female rooms left.

Dumbledor considered your predicament before remembering some of his star students' children were attending this year and were placed in Gryffindor. It was settled you would stay with them, and once your ages matured, hopefully, the castle would have a new place for you.

With this said, you were walked to the great Gryffindor common room, up the stairs, and right into the only vacant bed in the castle, with four boys: James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and lastly, Peter Pettigrew.

This would be your new home.

Besides the weird glances, rumors, and pranks you were regularly subjugated to, it started out fine. It was a rough first three years of school. People looked at you funny for being an extra in the school. You didn't have many friends, and the ones you did have were the 'rejects,' as James put it. When Sirius found your diary during Year Two, he blabbed about it to the whole school, causing rumors you were in love with the boys. By year three, all pranks planned for staff were executed on you first per Remus' orders. It was hell living with these boys; each year, you came back hoping there was a new room for you, and there never was.

By year four, things had changed; well, puberty changed. You returned to school looking more like a woman than a small, dorky girl. Just like the boys came back looking like men instead of small, dorky boys. Things were tense in the room for a while. Peter grew so uncomfortable that he moved out, and it was just you four living there. The boys started giving you more privacy, even going as far as going to Hogsmead for supplies and making you a more private space in half the room since Peter moved. You got princess treatment. The only problem was it wasn't these three boys alone that saw your new looks; it was all the boys in school. So quickly, a pact was made that no one but them could flirt, hit on, or try to pick you up.

You were in the same boat in year four, watching the girls fawn over the boys. The only girl you were ever okay with was Lily, and it was because she wasn't shy about complimenting you and sharing. This allowed for an interesting friendship between you and Lily. You two were thick as thieves and the best of friends. Sleepovers were a must, and some of the boys' suggestions about your sleepovers didn't go over your two's head.

All five of you were close by years five and six, and Peter only hung out occasionally. This was fine with you guys; you were all known as the marauders and the most fantastic kids in school. Your relationships were known; although James and Lily stuck together the most, they still shared, and you would bounce between Sirius and Remus. Your relationship was no laughing matter, though. You guys cared deeply for one another. If one was down or sad, the whole group was. It was a team effort to reign everyone in and keep the peace. Classes were never dull, and the dorm room was always full of love and warmth.

You were the group's baby, being extra at Hogwarts. However, there was never any jest or jokes about it anymore, just being doted on constantly by your friends/partners. They ensured you were happy and having a good time, just as you did for them. Parties were always exciting when you five planned them. The best ragers happened in the Gryffindor common room; however, the minute you were worn out or tired, your desired companion for the night would take you for some rest and relaxation. As soon as you two were missing from the party, it was only a short time before the other three came crawling in.

Year seven was full of excitement and sadness. Graduating was no laughing matter, but it strengthened your resolve. You all moved in together and started your working lives. Ironically enough, living in a lovely magical house was almost no different from living in a magical dorm room.

[gingiesworld]

Lily

Natasha Romanoff x GN! Reader

Warnings: Angst. Fluff. Happy Ending

Taglist : @natashamaximoff-69 @canvascoloredin @wizardofstories @louxbloom @wandanats-goodgirl @the-ox-fan20 @ladyqueenxoxo @aemilia19 @wandaromamoff69 @mfd-101 @dorabledewdroop @marvelogic @natsbraids

Word Count: 3.4k+

18+MINORS DNI

Y/N always found themselves sitting at Lily’s bedside, reading her favourite book. A small smile on both of their faces, since Lily’s mother had left the two once they found out the severity of her illness, Y/N was there with her everyday.

Everyday, they passed a red head who always disappeared into the room down the hall. Sitting beside her sister who had severe liver disease, although the blonde had never done any form of drugs or alcohol abuse, she was dealt a bad hand.

“So, the doctor said I can take you out for some fresh air today.” Y/N told Lily who beamed. “Of course it will only be to the hospital gardens but it is out of this room.”

“Thank you O’Pa.” Lily spoke as she looked at Y/N.

“You have nothing to thank me for.” They told her as they helped her get her coat on.

“You’re always here.” She started. “Everyday, you even do your work here too.”

“I would do anything for you.” They told her. “You’re the most important person in my life and I don’t know how I will cope once you leave me.”

“I’ll never truly leave you O’Pa.” She told them softly. A smile on both of their faces. They helped her get situated in the wheelchair, placing her fluffy blanket over her lap to help keep her warm.

Once the two sat side by side in the garden, Lily’s smile faltered as she thought deeply.

“Do you think mom will miss me?” She asked them as they sighed. Not really knowing where their ex was, even though they weren’t yet divorced, they only thought of Lily.

“Yeah.” They answered unsurely. “I’d like to think she wouldn’t be completely heartless, but she doesn’t deserve for you to think about her, not when she abandoned you.”

“She left you too.” She pointed out as they nodded.

“She did.” They spoke thoughtfully. “But the reason she left allowed me to truly see the person she is, and I don’t want someone like that around my sweet girl.”

“Do you think they’ll find me a liver?” Lena asked as she and Nat walked through the gardens.

“Maybe.” She whispered, although she was unsure, she wanted Yelena to have a little bit of hope. “I believe they will.”

“I don’t want to die.” She whispered, a tear escaping her eye as Nat was quick to wipe it away.

“You’re not going to die.” She told her firmly. “I am not ready to lose my little sister.” Nat’s eyes soon caught sight of the tired parent who sat beside their teenage daughter, a sad smile on her face as she could see the pain in their eyes, even as they smiled and laughed.

That evening, the two escaped to the canteen, both Lena and Lily were sleeping and the adults were in need of a coffee.

“Hi.” Nat greeted them as she stood beside them in the que.

“Hey.” They gave her a small smile.

“I saw you earlier, was that your sister?” She questioned as they chuckled.

“No, Lily is my daughter.” They told her as they walked back through the corridors. “My wife and I had her when we were in school, the marriage was the most stupid decision I ever made but Lily is everything to me.”

“Where is your wife?” Nat questioned as they chuckled lightly.

“You're very nosey for a stranger.” They teased as she nodded with a giggle.

“Well, I spend pretty much all of my time here, so I need some form of adult conversation.” She answered truthfully. “My baby sister has severe liver failure.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that.” They whispered as she nodded. “I guess it is lonely being here all of the time. I usually work from home but I brought my work here with me. Lily has a degenerative heart condition and has been on the list for the better part of a decade.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” She spoke tenderly as they shook their head.

“She’s not afraid.” Y/N whispered as they stopped outside of Lily’s room. “She knows that the likelihood of her getting a new heart within the next few months is extremely slim. So she’s made peace with it, and I guess I have to make peace with it too.”

“But it’s good to have hope.” Nat told them as they sighed.

“I did have hope, for many years I had hope but day by day, I started to lose it.” They looked up at Nat. “I’ve lost hope that she will get better, but I know that she won’t be in pain. She will be free of her pain.”

Both Y/N and Nat had spent most of their days together, even taking the two girls out to the garden. There was only a couple of years of age difference between the two of them, so they had got on like a house on fire.

What they never thought would happen would be that she would start to deteriorate rapidly through the night.

“I’m sorry.” The doctor spoke after giving their prognosis.

“Wouldn’t a transplant work?” They questioned urgently as the doctor shook his head.

“Her heart is barely beating, she is barely holding on.” He told them.

“There must be something you can do to give us more time.” They pleaded as Lily tried to call out to them. “I’m not ready. I’m not ready.”

“O’pa.” She called as loud as she could. “You’ll be fine.” They shook their head as they looked away, allowing the tears to fall freely. “How do we know if I am a match for Yelena?” She asked him as Y/N turned to look at her.

“You are a match.” He answered her. “But she isn’t at the top of the list.”

“What if I want to give my liver to her.” She told him. “Isn’t there some sort of waver that I can sign?”

“Yes.” He said as Y/N sighed before he turned to face them. “But I need your permission.”

“She has my permission.” They stated shakily. “If this is what she wants to do then I will sign whenever I need to.”

“Thank you O’Pa.” She smiled as the doctor left the room, soon returning to her with papers to sign.

As the days went by, Y/N never left her side, afraid that every second could be her last second.

“Promise me you will find happiness O’Pa.” She rasped out as they nodded, holding her hand.

“I promise.” They smiled tearily. “I love you so much Lily.”

“I love you too O’Pa.” Lily smiled before smirking. “Lena’s sister is pretty and single.”

“Lily. I am not looking for a relationship.” They told her.

“Maybe a friend then, you could use one.” She told them as they nodded.

“Maybe.” They whispered as she took a deep breath.

“I’m tired.” She told them as they gave her a tight lipped smile, tears filling their eyes.

“Sleep sweetheart.” They ran their hand through her hair, humming the lullaby she had always loved since she was a baby. Time felt as though it had frozen as they waited for the machines to beep constantly before stopping. Once the doctor had entered the room, muting the monitor before calling time of death. Y/N cried silently as they kissed her forehead one last time. Soon getting up and leaving the room for a moment as they prepared her for organ donation. Racing against time as they hooked her up to a bypass to remove the available organs.

“Y/N?” Nat questioned as she approached Y/N, a coffee in her hand. “No.” She whispered as they just nodded.

“She’s gone.” They spoke barely above a whisper. “The only person I had is gone. I have nothing left.”

“I’m so sorry.” Nat rested her hand on their back as they leaned forward.

“I’m going to be sick.” They started to run towards the bathroom, hurling themselves into an empty stall and vomiting the contents from their stomach. They collapsed to the floor beside the toilet, sobbing as they hugged their legs.

“Y/N!” Natasha ran to them, hugging them as they cried. “Is there someone I can call?”

“Pietro.” They whispered. “He’s been my best friend for years.” They handed her their phone after unlocking it. She soon found Pietro’s contact in the phone and dialed it.

“Hey Y/N/N.” He spoke as he answered the phone.

“Hi, is this Pietro?” Nat spoke.

“Yeah, where’s Y/N?” He questioned.

“They’re at the hospital, it’s bad.” Nat told him.

“It’s Lily isn’t it.” He spoke as a mere observation.

“Yeah.” She whispered. “They need you, Pietro, or someone.”

“I’m on my way.” He told her as soon as he hung up, heading straight from work to the hospital.

“He’s on his way.” Nat told them as they nodded.

“Thank you.” They whispered as they looked up at her. “How’s Lena?” They asked as they got to their feet.

“She is in surgery.” Nat told them. “They finally found a liver.” She watched their expression through the mirror. “It was Lily’s.”

“It was what she wanted.” They told her, a sad smile on her face. “She knew she was dying, she had known for years. She was ready.”

Y/N had soon accepted their daughter’s death, slowly moving forward with their life as she wanted. Returning to their apartment and work, slowly getting everything back to normal.

Of course, their ex never showed up, even after they had sent her a simple text, explaining the whole situation. She still never came to say goodbye to their daughter.

“Hey.” They heard a familiar voice as they waited in line at the coffee shop.

“Nat, hi.” They smiled at her. “How are you and Lena?”

“We are both great.” She beamed as she joined their side. “She is now cleared from the hospital.”

“That’s great to hear.” They beamed as Nat smiled.

“How have you been? I wanted to try and reach out to you sooner but.” She started as they shook their head with a small smile.

“That’s ok, and I have been coping.” They told her. “It’s slowly getting easier to get up as each day comes but I still miss her.” The two soon ordered their coffees and sat down at a table outside. Nat watched as Y/N lit up a cigarette. “But being back in the office has made it all bearable.”

“That’s great.” She smiled proudly at their progress.

“A friend of mine is hosting a barbecue this Saturday, would you and Lena like to join me?” They asked her as she smiled shyly.

“Yeah, Lena would love it too.” She answered them as they smiled.

“Great, here is my number, text me your address and I’ll pick you both up.” They told her as they handed her a card before getting up with their coffee in their hand. “I have to get back to the office. I’ll see you both on Saturday.” Nat waved goodbye as she watched them walk away through the crowded streets, a smile on her face as she watched them disappear.

“Do you think this is a good idea?” Wanda asked Y/N as they joined her and Vis for dinner. “Lily gave her liver to her sister.”

“I know.” They nodded. “But I just feel at ease with her, at the hospital, she was my only friend.”

“I’m sorry.” Wanda whispered as Y/N shook their head no.

“Wanda, you have the twins to think about, Pietro has work and Mon is pregnant. I didn’t expect any of you to put your lives on hold for me.” They told her confidently. “But Nat was a friend to me during the hardest time of my life.”

“I just don’t want you to get hurt.” She told them as they kissed her head.

“I know.” They smiled before helping her set the table. Everyone tried to make them feel as normal as possible.

“Y/N.” Vis spoke up as they all sat at the table. “I found her, Sharon.”

“Yeah?” They questioned curiously.

“I still have the divorce papers you had written up and signed, ready to send to her.” He informed them as they nodded.

“Send them.” They told him. “I am ready to cut all ties with her.”

“I will be sure to deliver them myself.” Vision told them as they nodded, a small smile on their face as everyone sat down, eating dinner as normal as can be.

The day of Wanda’s barbecue came around and Y/N was nervous about picking up Nat and Lena, bringing them to meet their family you may as well say.

“Hey.” They greeted as Nat answered the door. “Are you both ready?”

“Yeah, Lena’s just getting her bag.” Nat told them with a smile. Once the three of them were situated in the car, Y/N started the journey to Wanda’s. Nat was bouncing her leg up and down nervously as Lena listened to her music through her headphones.

“It’s going to be ok Nat.” Y/N reassured her, giving her knee a squeeze.

“I know I shouldn’t be nervous because it isn’t like we’re in a relationship.” She thought she said something wrong as Y/N’s smile faltered. “Not that being with you would be a bad thing because quite frankly, I would consider myself lucky if I was with you.”

“It’s ok Nat.” They smiled. “Although Wanda may be the tough one to convince, she is like a sister. Her, Pietro and I grew up together. She was the one who helped me adjust to helping Lily even though she had the twins.”

“She sounds special.” Nat whispered as Y/N nodded.

“She really is.” They confirmed as they soon pulled up in Wanda’s driveway. Helping both Lena and Nat out of the car before leading them up to the door, letting themselves in and heading straight to the yard, Pietro manning the grill, the twins running around as Wanda conversed with Monica.

“Y/N!” The twins ran straight towards them, running straight into their arms, catching the attention of the three adults.

“Hey mini Maximoffs.” Y/N beamed as they hugged the two of them.

“Y/N.” Monica smiled as she greeted them with a hug, soon followed by Wanda.

“This is Natasha and Yelena.” They introduced the two as Monica smiled, introducing herself before she decided to help the twins with something.

“Hi.” Nat squeaked out as she shook Wanda’s hand, holding her firm gaze with a smile on her face.

“It’s so nice to meet you.” Wanda smiled as she looked between the two sisters. “Thank you for looking out for this one when we couldn’t.”

“Wanda.” Y/N groaned. “I.” They started before Wanda cut them off.

“She was still the one who helped you through it more than the rest of us, and Lily would be thankful for this woman.” She told them firmly as Y/N nodded, giving Wanda another side hug before disappearing to help Pietro. “So, what is your relationship with Y/N?” Wanda asked as she and Nat disappeared inside to prepare the salad.

“I don’t really know what we are.” Nat spoke honestly. “We’re friends I guess but is it wrong to want more?”

“No.” Wanda smiled at her. “It’s never wrong to want more than you get.” She turned to look at Nat who was watching them talk with Yelena. “I watched them go through heartbreak, three times in their life.” Nat listened to her words intently. “I watched their life slowly slip away when they received Lily’s diagnosis, then when their ex left the two of them, and thirdly only months ago. Lily was the best thing that they had in their life and how they remained by her side everyday up until the very end. It shows me just how strong they truly are and they need someone to remind them of that, especially when they get sucked back into the darkness.” She looked at Nat. “Maybe that person could be you, you could be their light in the darkness.”

“So, what is it with you and my sister?” Lena questioned as Y/N sat beside her.

“We’re friends.” They started as they soon heard some commotion from the house. Getting up and heading straight inside to see the woman they never wanted to see again.

“Y/N, can we at least talk about this.” She asked as she held up the divorce papers.

“They need to be signed by you and then I can be free of you.” They told her bluntly.

“Can we at least work this out?” She asked as she pointed between the two of them. “It’s what Lily would want.”

“You have no right to say her name!” They growled as they stepped closer to her. “She was my daughter! Not yours because you ran away as soon as it got real. You abandoned her when she needed us both.” They took a deep breath as tears formed in their eyes. “Do you want to know what she asked me before she died? She wondered if you would miss her! Even though she hadn’t seen you in years, she still had good thoughts about you, and I never had the heart to tell her the truth about you being a fucking coward.” They took a deep breath as everyone listened. “So do me one favor and sign those god damn papers because I don’t want to be married to you. I haven’t for years because I lost hope that you would come home years ago. Hell, I was stupid to hold onto that hope that you would return.”

“Y/N?” She tried again shakily.

“JUST FUCKING SIGN THEM!!” They yelled as they stepped closer. “I WANT OUT!!!! SO JUST SIGN THEM!!”

“Sharon, I suggest you sign them and leave.” Wanda told her firmly as Pietro held Y/N back against the wall, allowing them to calm down. Sharon looked over their broken state, seeing that the Y/N she knew was gone, she no longer knew who they were.

“Ok.” She whispered as Wanda handed her a pen, watching over her as she signed them before leaving.

“Are you ok?” Wanda asked them as they looked in her eyes.

“I’m so sorry Wanda. I never wanted to lose myself. Not in your home.” They whispered as she shook her head.

“It’s perfectly understandable.” She told them before pulling them in for a hug.

The drive back to Natasha’s apartment was silent, once they had pulled up, they walked the two of them to the door. Lena gave a quick wave before disappearing to her room, leaving Nat and Y/N alone.

“I’m sorry about earlier.” They told her. “Neither you or Lena should have witnessed that.”

“It’s ok Y/N.” She told them as she took their hand in hers, they looked at their hands together and it felt right. “I understand why.”

“But it was disrespectful.” They pressed on.

“I can see how Lily was so caring and mature for her age.” Nat whispered as Y/N’s eyes snapped to hers.

“Lily.” They nodded as they took their hand away from hers. “I have to go.” They told her, walking away towards the elevator, Nat closed the door, leaning against it as Y/N made it all the way to their car. “Fuck.”

With that, they ran inside the building and up the stairs, running as fast as they could before knocking frantically on the door.

“Y/N?” Nat spoke confused, only to be cut off by them cupping her face and kissing her passionately. “What?”

“I needed to do that.” They whispered. “I don’t know where or when I started falling for you but I have and I made a promise.” They told her as their foreheads pressed together. “I promised Lily and I intend to keep that promise.”

“What was the promise?” She asked softly.

“To find happiness again.” They told her. “And that’s how I feel when I am around you, I feel free to feel how I feel.” They sighed as they looked in her eyes. “I am free to find myself again.”

“When you do find yourself, then take me on a date.” She told them as they nodded. “But not until your divorce is finalised and you know who you are again.”

“I will.” They nodded before kissing her once more, walking away with a wide smile on their face. Finally free to feel more than just pain and grief.

@natsbraids was it better and happier than my others? ;)

[ficthots]

Secret Ingredient

A/N: Surprise! Two new writings in one week? (don’t expect this of me more lol). I missed Peter so here’s a Peter piece. Enemies to lovers, living situation inspired by New Girl (literally one of the best shows ever), only the best of the best. As always let me know what you guys think and enjoy!

Warnings: SMUT. DNI if you are under 18. 18+ only

Word Count: 11.6k+

Being in your twenties is such a surreal time in life. There are people who are getting engaged and married. Others are having children. Some work part-time jobs while going to school. The best part is that for the first time ever there is no set in stone plan to follow. You do what you think is right and hope for the best.

That’s why you didn’t second guess your living situation. Honestly, you loved it. Sure, the loft was cramped and at times could be hell on earth, but mostly it was home. Your safe space.

The loft had four of you in it. You, Noah, Logan, and Peter. Your roommates. The people you spent the most time with. Who saw you at your best and worst. They were who you ate dinner with almost every night, fought over bathroom schedules with, and who you complained to about the shitty coworkers you had to deal with.

Logan was who you had known the longest. You two had met in college. Your first encounter with him was finding him sitting naked on your roommates bed, screaming as you walked in instead of her. He claimed that she had said she was going to be back at the dorm within a few minutes, but had yet to return. It was supposed to be a sexy surprise, but turned into a traumatizing experience for the both of you.  

When they stopped seeing each other, you two kept in touch. Late night study sessions, lunch in the student union, and more parties than you cared to admit you had attended were all filled with Logan by your side. He moved away the last year of school to play AAA baseball, but an injury halted that track and sent him home, effectively ending his playing career.

He had his own friend group that he hung around, the other boys you lived with, but you didn’t know that much about them at the time, and you had Lily.

You and Lily had grown up with each other and spent more time together than apart. Were you two complete opposites? Absolutely. Lily was a professional model who had moved to New York way before you to pursue her passion and it had paid off. She lived with other models in a tiny apartment, but she loved it and you loved it for her. However, when you became homeless because of your ex you knew that moving in with her wasn’t an option.

Steven was your ex who you had lived with for nearly three years. He cheated on you, quite literally leaving you on the curb and you turned to Logan. The fourth bedroom in his apartment had just recently opened and they hadn’t found another renter yet. You entered their lives and had been there ever since.

You grew closer with Logan when you moved in and became quick friends with Noah. He was the most “adult” out of all of you. He had a great job that made him decent money, had a new car, and was overall doing fairly well for himself. Apart from the living with three other people thing.

The first night you all shared dinner together, the week after you had moved in, you all joked around the table, trying to get to know them all better, Lily joining as she had been helping you move. “So, Noah, do you have a boyfriend?” Logan choked on his beer at the question, doubling over in laughter and collapsing from his chair as Noah’s large eyes widened even further at you.

“Wha-what? You, you think I’m gay? Why would you think I’m gay?” He stuttered over his words as Logan wiped the tears from his eyes, Peter snickering behind his beer bottle as embarrassment coursed through you.

“Jesus, I am so sorry. You’re just so put together, you know? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a straight man's bedroom look as clean and as planned out as yours. Plus, you wear a lot of cardigans. You have more bathroom products than the rest of us put together. It just seemed to fit,” you shrugged as Logan climbed back into his chair and Noah scoffed at you.

He stabbed his chicken with his fork and laughed as he spoke. “I appreciate you noticing all of those things, but just because I am more put together than all of you hooligans combined does not mean I am a homosexual,” you shot a look to Logan, silently seeing if he agreed with you. He nodded his head in response, letting you know that he in fact thought the same when he first met him.

Lily spoke up in your defense. “I read the listing for the apartment on Craig’s List and I thought it was for an apartment with all girls. You wrote it, right, Noah?” His utensils fell to the plate in a clatter as he folded his hands on the table. “What made you think that? Was it the use of actual educated vocabulary?” She shrugged as he continued on.

“Also, have you not seen the amount of women that come in and out of my room?” You shook your head, trying not to laugh as he dove in to his graphic tales of sexual encounters with said women. Peter practically ignored the rest of the conversation, being the first to leave the table that night as everyone shared funny stories.

Noah’s room, you would come to learn, was an ever revolving door. When you went to the bar that Logan worked at you saw his demeanor with them and most of the time he didn’t even use a real name.

The first time you heard his alter ego's name, Richard Hurtz, you actually cringed. The boys thought it was hysterical and clever, Peter throwing in a comment about you not understanding it, but you got it. You flat out told them, Dick Hurtz, was just not funny. You got called stupid in return.

That was Peter. Oh, Peter. You didn’t know what his deal was, but when you two were introduced at your apartment interview, he was immediately put off by you. You had tried every trick in the book to get him to talk to you, but no matter what you did it was a wasted effort.

His room was directly across from yours, meaning that encountering each other was going to happen quite a bit and you wanted to be cordial. Hell, even friends. One night you found yourself alone in the apartment with him and you tried getting him to eat dinner with you, but he turned you down, locking himself in his room instead.

You begged Lily for advice on the phone, practically in tears because you just didn’t understand why he didn’t like you. She had told you that he was just an asshole, but you didn’t believe that.

The look he had given you when you had met was one you hadn’t seen directed at you before. You thought you were a fairly friendly person. It was rare to have someone not like you and it made you uneasy when someone didn’t. Especially when that person was who you were going to be living with.

Over time he spoke to you a bit more and kept the looks to himself, but the snide and snarky comments did not stop. You assumed it was because Lily had cornered him in the bar one night and threatened him to be nice to you or she’d kill him. Eventually you ended up confronting him about his utter disdain for you and he didn’t seem taken aback by the question at all.

“Have I done something to offend you?” He eyed you as you stared at him from the dining room table, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. “I can tell that I have done something to upset you and keep you from talking to me and whatever I did I am truly sorry. I’m not used to people not liking me and honestly it makes me want to throw up every time I’m around you because I want to be friends with you,” you rambled as he watched you, but he finally cut you off.

“I didn’t want you to move in. I didn’t want a girl in the apartment. I liked the way it was before you moved in,” you chewed on your lip as he spoke, but broke into a big grin at the end. “Hey, there’s no reason for you to have to act any differently around me! Just treat me like one of the guys,” you awkwardly tried to lean back in the chair, tucking one hand into your pants and sipping the beer that had been sitting out on the table for god knows how long. You gagged, making a face as the liquid went down your throat.

“Good lord, how old is that?” You just wanted him to like you. He shook his head, sighing as he walked out of the room and you groaned, letting your head rest against the table top. You really did try everything you could, even reading one of his old college textbooks from his room to try and understand what he was talking about when he spoke about work.

He worked at Oscorpe and according to Noah and Logan, was a borderline genius. You figured that if you attempted to build a relationship with him in regards to his interests he would love it!

It didn’t impress him. Instead only earning a narrowed eye stare and silence in return as you tried to make small talk about an “article” you had read earlier that week from the Times. Really, all you did was a quick google search on science stories and memorized the title.

It was finally your chance as you two were alone in the loft, he was parked on the couch watching tv and you approached quietly, not wanting to frighten him off. You sat in silence for a bit before you shakily spoke up, clearing your throat to signal that you were going to speak. “Did you see that article about how some scientists restored organ function to pigs after they died?”

You flipped through a magazine, as nonchalantly as possible as he sat at the other end of the sofa, watching the news about Spider-Man. His head turned towards you and gave you that look and offered no response as you tried to drag any conversation with him out. You didn’t look up from the magazine in your hands as you spoke again, “Pretty crazy, huh?”

He sighed, turning the volume up on the tv as you abandoned that method. You decided to talk to him about Spider-Man. Everyone knows about Spider-Man and you even had a personal encounter with him. “He saved me once,” you mentioned as you watched the news. His jaw set tightly as you said that. Peter offered no suggestion to continue with the story, but you did anyway.

“Yeah, he saved me from a burning building. The dorm I lived in. Some idiot was cooking with a hotplate and it caught fire. I was asleep with my headphones on and didn’t hear the smoke detectors. He got me out of the building. He was a really cool guy and offered me some tips on safety like not sleeping with noise cancelling headphones on,” you chuckled at the memory, feeling so stupid about the circumstances.

Peter’s gaze bore into you as you spoke and for a split second you swore you saw his lip quirk a tiny bit at your tale. “I always like seeing him in the news. Means he’s still helping people. Hopefully, I will not need his assistance again,” you met his eyes and he looked away, attention going back to the tv.

“Knowing you, you probably will.” You wanted to scream and jump as you got him to actually respond to you. No matter how cool you tried to play it, the smile that spread over your face couldn’t be hidden.

It was rare to have a private moment at home because someone was always there. Always. That’s why as you ended the awkward first date you had been on with some guy a girl at work had set you up with, you were actually grateful that they were home.

He was the most bland person you had ever spoken with before. You couldn’t even remember his name, it had been that bad. He spoke like a robot and his most enthralling story of the night had been about how at work last week he made a rubber band ball. He wasn’t the type you would normally go for, but hey a free meal is a free meal. Now you regretted it as you approached your door, positively drained from the evening.

The young man quickly dropped you off and made his departure as you walked in the front door, throwing your purse on the entryway table. The guys all sat on the sofa, watching football as you walked towards them, taking your corner spot with a loud sigh.

“Date didn’t go well?” You took the beer offered to you from Logan’s outstretched hand. “Nope. I watched ice melt to keep myself entertained. Food was shit too,” you reached forward and grabbed the bag of chips from the coffee table. You looked around to see where the beer had come from and Logan pointed to the floor.

“Cooler. Now we don’t have to get up,” you nodded your head and leaned back against the couch and chuckled. “Nice,” you stuffed a handful of chips into your mouth as Noah spoke up.

He shrugged as he scrolled on his phone. “You need to stop dating and just do what I do. Makes it so much easier,” you contemplated his words and nudged him with your foot. “I haven’t had sex in three months. You think you could help me find someone to hook up with?”

The guys all collectively groaned at your announcement, but he nodded his head. “You need a casual hook-up. Logan works tomorrow night at the bar. When you’re off work, meet us there and I’ll help you,” Logan’s attention never left the TV as a team scored, he cheered as he checked the sheets of paper in front of him, marking things down.

Logan ruffled your hair and you slapped his hand away as Peter stood from the couch. “I can’t wait to see this. You have the worst personality for casual flings,” he stretched as he walked to his room. His shirt slowly rode up and offered a quick glance at his abs, arms flexing below the fabric of his sweater.

How the hell was he so built? He works in a lab and you had never seen him workout before. You snapped out of your thoughts when Logan and Noah shouted again, jumping up from the couch as one team stole the ball from their competitor. “That wasn’t very nice,” you said as you sipped your beer and Noah laughed, shaking his head at you.

“I needed that for my fantasy team,” Logan murmured as he opened his phone.

You sat at the bar, sipping on a Long Island Iced Tea as Logan and Noah scouted the room for you. Lily sat beside you, acting as your hype girl for the night. Your eyes widened at the incredibly attractive man that entered the building. “What about tall, dark, and handsome over there? Mama needs a piece of that,” a chorus of ew’s echoed from the boys as Logan shook his head.

Lily nodded hers and smiled. “Hell yes. He would be perfect,” Logan gave an overexaggerated shutter. “Don’t talk like that. It’s so gross,” you straightened your dress hem as you stood up, ignoring his words.

You wore one of your favorites tonight and you thought you looked pretty good. “Okay, I’m going. I can totally do this,” you were trying to hype yourself up as Peter rolled his eyes at you. Lily pinched his arm and he leaned away from her, hissing in pain, rubbing the spot.

“Just don’t be yourself and you should be fine,” you shot him a mean glance, but took his words more literally than he probably meant. Don’t be yourself and you should be fine. Don’t be yourself.

As you sauntered over to the other end of the bar the man smiled. You took the seat next to him, trying to be alluring and mysterious, but saw Noah shake his head and mouth, “Change your face!” Lily chewed on her lip, whispering with them as they all watched.

You quickly shook whatever look off that he had pointed out and the man spoke up. “Can I get you something to drink, gorgeous?” You fluttered your eyelashes at his question. “Sure, thank you. I’ll take a vodka cran. Light cran,” you thought of the girliest drink you could and that was what came to mind first. You decided to roll with your plan.

Don’t be yourself. “I’m Jonathan. What’s your name, beautiful?” You shook his outstretched hand gently. You needed this. Something different. No strings attached.

His smirk grew as you offered a fake name, sipping the drink that Logan had placed in front of you. You two chatted for a while quickly realizing you two had nothing in common. This was good! It was exactly what you needed.

He had leaned into you more as you two continued chatting, hand landing on your knee as he whispered to you. “Wanna get out of here? We can go back to my place?” You bit your lip, nodding as you stood with him, letting him lead you out of the bar.

You shot a glance over your shoulder and saw the group shoot you a thumbs up, cheering you on. Peter sat with a grimace on his face that you ignored. Nothing new with him.

When you got to Jonathan’s place things escalated quickly. You two were in a messy kiss that you were not enjoying as he took your bottom lip between his teeth.

“Um, ow. Sorry, can you not do that?” You laughed, trying to keep it light as he nodded, leading you to his room. Most of your clothing was forgotten as he started to attempt to rub you. That should’ve been your warning sign, but you kept it going, silently hoping it would get better.

It didn’t. The rest of the experience was a horrible let down. He obviously did not know about female anatomy because he never found what he was looking for and given you didn’t know this man you didn’t offer assistance. His dirty talk mostly consisted of asking if you felt good.

When it was finished you climbed off of his lap and sat on the bed next to him. A large smile took over his face as you wrapped yourself in the top sheet from his bed. “Wow. That was amazing,” he kissed your cheek as you only nodded your head in response.

Within minutes he was snoring. You quickly gathered your clothes and got dressed, making your way back to the apartment. When you got home you sighed into the quiet space and went straight to your room.

You fought within yourself, feeling incredibly dirty and just wanting to wash off the night from you, but so frustrated with how the evening's events played out that climbing straight into bed sounded like heaven. Everyone's doors were shut, no lights peering from underneath as you made your way to the shared bathroom.

You felt grimy and began scrubbing yourself, using the removable showerhead to get your back. You didn’t mean for it to happen, but when you felt the water pulse against you an involuntary moan slipped out. It was well past one in the morning. Who would know?

You let the water push against your throbbing clit, breaths going shallow and feeling yourself warm up. The pleasure was building now in your belly, but you were teetering on the edge, not able to fully fall over it. Your mind began to wander and you thought back to the events of the other night.

Seeing his shirt expose his toned and ripped torso, the hidden muscles on his arms flex as he stretched. His head rolling to the side showcasing his incredible jaw line that had light stubble growing on it that you imagined scratching your inner thighs. His large hands wander over your body, kneading at your flesh.

As you were about to finish, the coil in you about to snap, you heard the bathroom door shut. Your eyes snapped open, your orgasm long forgotten as you mustered up the courage to poke your head out of the curtain. No one was in there, thank god, but you weren’t sure how loud you had been.

You felt shameful that you had let your mind think to one of your roommates in order to cum. What the hell was wrong with you?

You wrapped up your shower and wandered back to your room when you saw it. The light streamed out from underneath Peter’s door, but turned off as you walked by. Your face burned at the idea that he had heard you.

There was no possibility he had known you were thinking of him, but it felt horrible knowing you had used your mind to get off on the thought of him.

You got to your room and softly shut the door. Maybe he didn’t hear anything. Maybe he opened the door, heard the shower was on, and left. The chance of that being true was little, but you clung to that thought. It was what helped you fall asleep, pissed that you had been robbed of an orgasm twice that night.

The next morning you gave yourself a pep talk to go into the kitchen, ready to face whatever was waiting for you. A breath of relief escaped you as you discovered the living quarters empty.

As you poured yourself a bowl of cereal, reveling in the rare silence that hardly ever came across the apartment, you heard feet shuffling. Bringing the spoon to your mouth, you tried not to let any attention fall to the boy who had entered the room.

He made no effort to chat so there was a chance that you had been worrying for nothing. There was a chance it wasn’t even him who came to the bathroom last night. Peter probably didn’t hear anything.

The sound of your spoon hitting the bowl and his movements around the kitchen as he made a smoothie echoed off the walls, filling the uncomfortable silence that settled over you two whenever you seemed to find yourselves alone together.

A glass was placed in front of you, a light pink liquid filling it half full. “I made too much,” your eyes widened in surprise as he walked out of the room, sipping his own.

“Thank you!” You called out after him, but he stopped and turned on his heel. “By the way, if you’re going to masturbate in shared spaces, keep it down so you don’t disturb the entire loft,” your jaw fell slack at his words, speechless as he turned and continued his walk to his room, a laugh falling from him as he did.

The group all cackled as you sat at the bar, sharing the story of your failed one night stand from the previous week. “He fell asleep how fast?” Your face burned at Noah’s question, playing with the napkin that sat under your drink. “Within like five minutes of completion,” Logan gagged at your response.

“God, don’t call it that. You’re gonna ruin sex for me. It’s like hearing my grandmother talk about it,” an exasperated sigh left you, lightly bouncing in your seat. “Guys, please help me! I just want good, no strings attached sex,” Peter snorted into his beer, leaving his spot at the bar and saying goodnight to everyone as his phone went off.

Was that a news alert? What normal guy had news alerts on his phone? Lily snapped you out of your thoughts, asking you questions about what else you were looking for instead.

Noah scouted the room and pointed at a man by the jukebox. “He’ll do. Go,” before you could protest, he shoved you off the stool.

The night ended worse than the week before. He finished within three minutes and you left as soon as the opportunity presented itself.

You prayed the apartment would be quiet with everyone asleep as you shut the door behind you. The TV’s noise indicated that your prayers had been left unanswered. Even worse, it was Peter on the couch occupying the space.

He eyed you as he sipped his beer. “You’re home early.” It was meant more as an out loud observation rather than a segway for conversation, but this was your chance and the most he had ever offered you.

“In the last week I’ve had two awful sexual encounters. I’m giving up,” you sat on the opposite end of the couch, following your patterns from the last time this happened, not wanting to spook him. You just wanted this to go on a bit longer.

He only shrugged as he nursed the beer, but you continued talking, nerves wracking you as you spoke to him. “I guess sex just isn’t great for girls. Like when I was with Steven, I mean he loved it, but I never climaxed. Every hook-up since has just been a let down,” Peter’s eyes widened at you.

“You’ve never finished with a guy before?” You shook your head as his eyes nearly bugged out at you. “No. I know I can finish cause I mean I can do it myself,” your cheeks burned as you rambled on, feeling awkward talking about this, especially with Peter.

“Sorry, I ramble when I’m nervous. This is the longest we’ve ever talked and it’s about my sexual blunders. I will actually keep talking if you do not stop me. Do you always make girls finish? Noah brags all the time about it. Guys always do though like this guy I went to highschool with. I was at a party and he asked me if he could finger me and I punched him for asking. Another time in college I heard some girls talking about fisting and when I looked it up online I almost passed out. There was this one-,” Peter finally cut you off, putting both his hands up watching you.

“Please just stop talking for two seconds. You ask questions then leave no space for responses,” you leaned back on the cushion and groaned. “And yes. Most guys do so either you’re doing something wrong or they are,” his words played around in your head.

What if he was right? What if you were the issue? How the hell could you fix this? You wanted to be able to have good sex and for once have an orgasm, but if you were doing something wrong how would you know? Your head slowly turned to Peter, reaching your decision at lightning speed.

“Have sex with me,” he choked on his beer, a coughing fit following as the words settled over him. “What the hell? Absolutely not,” you moved closer to him on the couch. “Please? Peter, it would help me so much! You would be able to tell me what I’m doing wrong and coach me through it. Plus, you’d be getting sex for it. Obviously, we wouldn’t tell anyone. We aren’t that close so it wouldn’t be too weird. I mean it’s not like me sleeping with Logan, you know what I mean?” he was shaking his head as you continued on.

“No. That would only make things weird. I’m not your sex coach,” your bottom lip pushed out as you gave the best puppy dog look you could. You clasped your hands together in a begging motion as you moved even closer, thighs brushing one another.

“Just think about it. You don’t have to give me an answer right now. Think about it,” You didn’t wait to see his reaction, going towards the restroom to shower off another failed night.

You didn’t see Peter all of the following week. He was ignoring you of course. Each day that passed was a painful reminder of what you had asked him to do. You still thought it was a good idea.

You and Peter were not close. Having sex would be like having sex with a stranger. A stranger you lived across the hall from, but it would be fine. You would be able to continue on with life afterwards like nothing happened and hopefully have better sex thereafter.

That was what you kept telling to yourself to make you feel better about asking that of him.

It was late on a Friday and you had the loft to yourself. Noah was out with some girl, Lily was busy, and Logan had a closing shift at the bar. Having the TV free meant a Twilight marathon and you were so happy.

Rain lightly fell outside, the room was chilly as you sprawled out on the couch, a thick blanket over you. You had no idea who’s sweatshirt you were wearing, but it was cozy and kept you warm.

Peter’s door flew open and revealed a dripping wet boy. You paused the TV as his gaze fell on you. You awkwardly smiled and waved at him, but confusion etched across your face as you took him in.

“Why are you wet?” His wide eyes looked frantic as he tried to respond to you. You knew it. What little, tiny progress you had made with him was gone because of your ask of him. He was nervous to be around you!

“I just showered,” he responded as he walked to the kitchen. Your brows furrowed. You didn’t hear the shower running, but discarded your follow up question as he walked past where you sat, looking for a matching sock.

You gently took his hand in yours and his head snapped to you. “Have you thought about what I asked?” He sighed at your question. He removed his hand from yours like he had been burned. You watched him close it into a tight fist. You let your hand go to your chest, worried that you had hurt him in some way.

“Yes and the answer is still no.” Your smile fell and you sat up, discarding your blanket and facing him. His eyes fell to the sweatshirt you were wearing and he pointed at it. “That’s mine,” you looked down and started issuing apologies as you went to remove it.

“Oh, I’m sorry. It was on the back of the couch and I got cold. Noah doesn’t let me run the heater,” you chuckled, but his hand landed on yours, stilling your movements. “It’s fine.” You thanked him, but you had questions gnawing at you about why he wouldn’t sleep with you.

“Peter. Why won’t you sleep with me? Is it because I’m not your type? Or am I not pretty or something?” A bewildered look took over his face at your questions.

“No, no. It’s not that. You’re very pretty,” your heart skipped a beat at his words. Peter thought you were pretty. “I just don’t want things weird around here,” you waved him off, pulling him onto the couch with you, but he put distance between you both as he sat.

“Don’t worry about that! I promise it won’t be weird. It won’t,” he shook his head at your words. So, you went to the last resort.

He sighed, rubbing his eyes as a chorus of pleases and pretty pleases flowed from you. It went on this way for a minute as he turned and eyed you and in the blink of an eye, Peter’s lips collided with yours. His hands enclosed around yours that sat on the tops of your thighs.

The shock faded from you as your eyes slipped shut, returning the kiss. Peter broke off and his eyes scanned your face. “One time. I will sleep with you one time. It will be tomorrow at one when everyone is asleep. It will happen in your bedroom. No one knows, especially Lily. This stays between us, do you understand?”

You nodded your head quickly, feeling butterflies erupt in your stomach. He got up from the couch, going to his room. Your breathing was ragged and uneven as you tried to calm down. What the hell did you just do?

You were going to sleep with Peter Parker.

The following day you didn’t see Peter once. He was gone before you woke up and not home when you got back from work. The work day had been entirely pointless, your mind only able to think about your arrangement for later that evening.

You were going to give Peter a chance to back out. A nagging feeling was pushing into your thoughts that you had pressured him into this. What was this going to do to your relationship? Honestly, it couldn’t go further south than it already was.

You stood in front of your floor length mirror, your robe opened at the front, looking at your bra and panties. The light green material with floral embellishments suited your skin. The cups were mesh, showcasing your entire breast. The thong matched, leaving nothing to the imagination. It was your favorite set you had.

When a light knock on your door shook you from your thoughts, you quickly closed the robe and went to answer it. Peter stepped in after you and you both stood there, looking at one another before you spoke.

“Listen, Peter, if you don’t want to do this, I completely understand. I don’t want you to feel like I pressured you or anything,” a smirk took over his lips as you spoke. “I said I’d help so I’m gonna help,” you lightly nodded as he stepped closer to you, hand going to your jaw.

You giggled and pulled away. “I’m so nervous. Just-uh, tell me something about yourself. Like a fun fact or something to help me,” he rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Like what?” You shrugged, bouncing from one foot to the other, hands playing together as you sighed.

“I don’t know. Anything,” He narrowed his eyes and looked at you. “I’ve lived in New York my entire life,” surprise took over you at the fact. “Oh my gosh, really? You seem like the type of person who’s lived in New York his whole life, but I didn’t want to assume. What was high school like?”

He shrugged and sat on the bed. “It was good. I went to a science high school so I was destined for the science path,” you moved closer to him, standing between his legs as he talked. “You seem like it. Really smart I mean,” you spoke quieter as he looked up at you, hands moving to your waist as you pushed the hair out of his face.

It was softer than you imagined. His thumbs swept across your hip bone as he gave a soft smile. “You have a really pretty smile,” you chuckled as your hand went lower, lightly cupping his jaw. His smile grew slightly larger as yours beamed at him. You bent down just slightly, Peter almost your height even sitting and connected your lips together.

The kiss was gentle at first, exploring one another in a way you hadn’t before. You two kissed for awhile before Peter broke away and his honey eyes swept over you. You hadn’t seen them this close before and they were gorgeous, unbelievably easy to get lost in for hours. “I’m gonna kiss you again and take your robe off, okay?”

His breath fanned over your face as he whispered to you. He connected you both together, lips dancing as you both started breathing heavier. One of his hands left your hip, pulling at the silk tie of your robe. You let it fall off your shoulders and Peter pulled back as he eyed you, brows furrowing.

“You bought lingerie for this?” You shook your head, moving your hands to tangle in his locks as his eyes scanned over your near naked frame. “No, this is just my bra and panties. I have a bunch like this,” his eyes closed and he chuckled as he pulled you to him.

“Of course you do,” his lips landed on yours again as your arms wrapped around his neck. He tasted so good, you didn’t want to stop as his tongue explored your mouth, small whimpers leaving you at the feeling. Your hands moved to the bottom of his t-shirt, pulling it up and discarding it in the room.

Peter pulled back, lips swollen and glistening. “Okay, so kissing isn’t the problem,” he chuckled breathlessly as you peered down at him, relief evident at his revelation. He nudged you gently towards the bed and you laid down, Peter following and putting his weight on you.

“Let’s just let this naturally progress so I can see what you do, okay?” You agreed as you laid back and his lips attacked your skin. His hands brushed across your chest, a gasp leaving you as his finger pinched your puckered nipple through the thin fabric.

“There’s condoms on the nightstand,” you mumbled as he kissed your neck. He pulled away and stopped, seeing your confused look. “We’re not even close to that,” your confusion only ran deeper as Peter stared down at you.

“I have to get you ready first. Has a guy ever warmed you up before he just fucked you?” You felt embarrassed by his question. Too mortified to respond, you just shook your head, hiding behind your hands.

He gently removed them from your face. “Hey, don’t hide from me. It’s not your fault. That’s their job, not yours. I need you to tell me how this normally goes for you. What have you done?” You shrugged thinking back to your past sexual experiences.

“They normally kiss me for a bit, throw a condom on, put me on top, and that’s about it. Oh, I’ve also given blowjobs. Not many, but a few. That’s about it,” Peter’s jaw fell open and he grew almost angry as you explained.

“Have you ever been on bottom?” You shook your head, a small no following. “Have you ever been given oral?” You offered the same response as before. “Have you ever been fingered?” You laughed, trying to lighten the mood. “I’ve done it to myself, but never by someone else. Last week the guy spent most of the time rubbing my left lip and I just wanted it to be over so I didn’t say anything,” Peter’s eyes shut as he calmed himself down at your words.

“Jesus christ. Alright, I’m gonna fix this,” before you could respond his lips were back on your neck. A sigh fell from you at the feeling, but you tried to hold it in, Peter reluctantly pulled away, eyeing you. “Don’t hold back for me. I need to hear you,” you nodded at him as he bent back down, lips attaching to your nipple over the mesh of your bra, a nervous laugh escaping at his words that faded into a moan.

Your breath stuttered at the feeling, his hand working your other breast. His hands went behind your back, unhooking the bra and removing it. He went back to work as your breathing grew ragged. His fingers brushed down your torso and paused at the top of your panties. He gently let his fingertips skip over your core.

“Fuck, you’re soaked,” he groaned as he felt you. “M’sorry,” you mumbled as he chuckled. “Don’t apologize, that’s good, dove.” That name. You knew that name. Someone had called you that name before.

You didn’t have time to dwell on it because you felt his slender finger pull your panties to the side and run a single knuckle through your folds.

Your breath hitched as he moved from your chest to your cunt. His forearm landed on your lower stomach, locking you in place with an insane strength, forcing your legs to stay open for him. “You have the most beautiful pussy I’ve ever seen,” you giggled nervously as his fingers gathered your slick and landed in his mouth.

“Thank you,” his laugh made you jerk, his breath fanning across you. His tongue flattened and you jumped, eyes going wide at the new sensation. His grip didn’t let you get far, holding you to the bed. The singular flick of his tongue drove you wild, desperate for more.

Your panties slid down your hips, being discarded behind him as he kissed along the inside of your thighs, inching closer to you. When Peter attached his mouth to your core, you moaned, loud and deep.

Eyes squeezing shut and your body going rigid as he sucked your clit inbetween his teeth, tongue lapping at your hole. Whimpers and moans flitted from you, warmth radiating off of you in waves. You knew you were close and Peter moved you closer to your release as his finger slipped into you.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” he murmered as he slowly thrusted his fingers into you. “Oh my god, Peter,” his eyes darkened as he looked up at you, gathering your gaze as you moaned his name.

He added another finger, moving quicker as you thrashed below him. “C’mon, dove. You’re close. Cum for me.” Almost on command you felt like the wind had been knocked out of you as you hit your high.

Stars filled your vision as Peter milked you through it. “There you go. Good girl,” he whispered as he removed his fingers, coming back up to you and meeting your lips again.

He reached for the nightstand and grabbed a condom. The trash discarded as your eyes traveled down as he removed his sweats, seeing how large he was. Your eyes slightly widened and he smiled at the reaction.

“Inflate my ego, please,” you rolled your eyes and as you went to retaliate, his head slipped in. “Shit,” he breathed out into your neck. As he slipped further in, the more noises came from you. “You fit me perfectly,” he laughed momentarily as you thanked him, begging him to move right after.

You couldn’t fight the smile that took over your face at Peter’s laugh. It was so nice and something you didn’t hear often. Forcing your heart to flutter at the noise, a special music that only played for those that earned it.

“You have a lovely laugh,” it was breathless and panted out between moans, but you wanted him to know. He peered down at you, sitting fully in you and he started moving, connecting your lips.

As he picked up his pace, hitting deeply inside you, your moans mixed together in his mouth. He lifted one leg, sitting it on his shoulder, hands moving to your hips as he thrust deeper into you.

“Dove, don’t flutter your walls like that. I won’t last,” he grunted out as your eyes rolled shut, head falling to the side. “Sorry,” he shook his head, placing a kiss to the side of your knee.

His thumb landed on your clit, rubbing fast circles that had you a mumbling, moaning mess. Tears fell from the corners of your eyes, feeling another orgasm quickly approaching.

“Peter, m’gonna cum,” he picked up his pace at your words, keeping the same force, thumb still working you. “Cum for me. I’m right there with you,” you released around him, gutting moans silenced as he kissed you, you involuntarily tightening around his dick as he came.

He slowed his thrusts to a stop as he released your leg from his grip, leaning down and kissing your collarbones, trying to catch your breath as he did. “Was that okay? Did I do good? I feel like I didn’t do much,” You were still fighting to catch your breath as you asked. His gaze caught yours and you watched something flicker through his eyes as you waited for him to say something. Confusion? Anger? Hurt?

It was gone as quick as it appeared, but he got dressed quickly, not saying another word as you slipped your robe back on. He left the room as you got up from the bed, awkwardly grabbing your discarded bra from the floor, scanning the space for your panties.

Mortification hit you like a truck. Was it really that bad? You thought it had been pretty good. Wonderful actually. It must not have been as good for him. You should’ve done more.

The door to your room opened and Peter came in with a glass of water, watching you as you made eye contact with him. He handed the cup to you and you quietly thanked him, sipping as Peter grabbed your free hand.

He pulled you to him and gently kissed your forehead. You stood there in shock at the intimate movement. “You are not the problem,” you blinked up at him, not knowing what to say as his thumb swept on your cheekbone before he pulled away, saying goodnight and leaving you standing there like a deer in headlights.

You looked around the room, continuing with your search to keep your mind off of what had just happened. You had sex with Peter and it had been great. He even thought so. You giggled, jumping with a whispered, “Yes!” following the movement, a huge smile taking over your features.

Now where the hell were your underwear?

You expected the next morning to be weird and uncomfortable, but it wasn’t. It was how it always was with Peter. He simply acted like you didn’t exist. Noah checked the time and whistled as you appeared in the kitchen.

“Looks like someone got laid last night.” You froze in your spot, stuttering as you looked at the boys around the island. “Wha-what?” Logan smiled as Peter stared you down from behind them.

“You’re literally glowing and floating into the room. You got some last night. Midnight mystery man knows how to do it,” a shaky breath released from you as you laughed, cheeks burning.

“Oh-oh. Yeah, I had a guy over last night. It was okay,” you shrugged as Peter set the milk down, eyes narrowing at you. Noah bit into his bagel, talking as he chewed. “Just okay?” You sipped your orange juice and smirked into the glass.

“I mean, I’ve had better,” Peter audibly laughed, causing all eyes to fall on him. “I doubt that,” your eyes widened at him. “Is that so?” He smirked at you, arms crossing over his chest.

“By the sounds I heard last night, I’d say so. Sounded like you were having the time of your life,” Noah and Logan watched you two like a tennis match, heads bouncing back and forth between you two.

Noah’s phone went off and he groaned. “I would love to see how this ends, but we need to go,” he grabbed Logan and dragged him from the kitchen despite the protests of wanting to watch this.

When the front door closed, you two stared at each other before Peter spoke first. “You’re a little liar, dove,” he slowly approached you, backing you up against the counter, trapping you. “Hmm, am I?”

He smiled as he looked down at you. His smile was breathtaking as you saw his features morph with it as it grew. “You are. You know I’m the best you’ve had. I’ll even top myself,” Peter leaned down, nose brushing along yours, lips achingly close to yours.

Your eyes shut, waiting for him to make the next move, but he pulled away. “I’ll see you tonight,” he sauntered out of the room, leaving you to stabilize your breathing and stop the shaking of your hands at his promise.

And he did. Multiple times after that first encounter. It had become a regular occurrence during the week. Peter would slink into your room in the dead of night, the two of you fucking for as long as you could possibly last, testing the limits with one another, and then you would act like neither one of you existed the next day.

It worked at first. The first few months went without a hitch with that unspoken agreement. Until you started to notice the shift in his demeanor to you on a daily basis. The once asshole persona that he put on for you was slowly cracking as you chipped away at it.

He started sitting next to you on the couch even when there were other seats open. When you got to the bar after everyone else, your drink was sitting at the stool next to him, waiting for you. If he knew you two were alone in the loft after fucking you raw, he would carry you into the shower, laughter bellowing from the two of you as he had you over his shoulder. Peter would wander into your room, sitting on your bed to just talk to you about your day.

Things were changing and while you were happy about it, you were confused. These feelings that you felt blooming were not supposed to be happening. You didn’t want him to leave after you would sleep together, but knew that was crossing a threshold. You wanted to hang out more, just the two of you. You craved him when he wasn’t around. It wasn’t good.

Peter laid on your bed, cheeks burning and flush after another late night session, but you jumped up, giggles flowing from you as you grabbed your robe and threw it on. His laugh flitted through the air at you, hand grabbing your wrist and tugging you back to him.

You hummed as his lips met yours, hand caressing your jaw, smiling into the kiss. “Where you going, dove?” Your teeth sank into your bottom lip as your hand rested on his chest, stomach flipping at the pet name. You pecked his lips again, fighting with yourself to go and get what you wanted or stay in his warm embrace.

“Stay here. I’ll be right back,” he nodded, lips landing on the tip of your nose as you hurried into the kitchen, grabbing the plate of cookies you had made earlier and a small glass of milk for him.

When you entered your room, he hadn’t moved. His arm was tucked behind his head, still completely nude and only covered by your duvet. His bicep was flexed unintentionally, the expanse of his chest was massive, his toned torso had you drooling.

His smile grew as he saw what you had in your hands. You sat on your knees on the bed, handing him the plate and the glass. “Post sex snack. I’m trying out a new recipe and want to know what you think,” his eyes fluttered shut as he bit into the cookie, a groan following as he took the glass of milk and chugged it, grabbing another cookie as he did.

With his mouth full, his eyes met yours and smiled. “Fucking phenonemal. You can bake, baby,” you giggled as he ate, snagging the plate from your hands and hoarding them from you. “They’re yours, promise!” He placed the plate on the nightstand table and grabbed you, placing you on his lap, lips skirting across your collarbones.

“Baking cookies for me to eat after sex, doesn’t get better than this.” His hand covered your mouth, knowing a squeal was going to follow as he flipped you both, placing you on your back and attacking your skin once again.

Peter didn’t leave your room that night. When you woke up the next morning to an empty bed,  your heart ached. You didn’t know when he had left, but it hurt. You missed Peter.

He didn’t make any further advancements. You didn’t know what was going on, but the lingering touches and gazes he shot at you, even around the others, had your head spinning. You knew he didn’t want anyone to know about this little thing and you understood why.

The loft’s ecosystem was fragile and the tiniest things could cause major shifts. You all knew the rules and one of the rules was no sleeping with each other. Now you understand that even more.

When Lily set you up on a date with someone else, you didn’t know what to do. Would Peter say something? You were fairly certain he was feeling the same, the icy man you had known was almost completely melted and a new, adoring one stood in his place.

“Lily wants to set me up with someone.” You had blurted it out one night as he slipped back into his briefs. It was like watching a new personality shift and take his place. His body tensed, freezing entirely, but nodded and shrugged. “I don’t know if I want to go though,” he cut you off before you could finish with a harsh laugh.

“You should. I’m about done with this anyways. Think it’s time to be done. Should’ve stopped a while ago, but it’s so easy with you just across the hall.” It was like he had slapped you across the face. He turned on his heel, sauntering out of your room right after those words had left his mouth like it was nothing new.

It shouldn’t have been something new for you. This was how Peter was and this was a temporary situation. Nothing more. Despite how you felt and what you were slightly hoping would happen. It was silly. You were nothing more than a convenient and easy lay for him. He would never feel the same way.

Lily sat waiting for you at the restaurant, drinks and appetizers already ordered. When you sat across from her, her scrutinizing gaze washed over you.

“Are you having sex? Like good sex?” You had barely situated yourself and you stared at her, mouth hanging open. “What? What makes you ask that?” She shrugged, monitoring your every move.

“You’re carrying yourself like you did,” you rolled your eyes as you sipped your drink. “I was. Not anymore though. Tell me about that guy you were talking about,” she instantly perked up, trying to pry the information out of you.

“Okay, tell me all about it. How is it? Are you finishing? Is it the same guy or different guys? What’s his name? What does he look like?” As her questions came quickly, one after another, you noticed your table start to shake. Every other second, the whole room vibrated.

A hushed silence fell over the restaurant as everyone waited to see if it would stop. You peered around Lily, having a clear view of the street outside. A large, robotic creature came pounding down the street.

Your jaw fell slack as you grabbed her hand, a rush of other restaurant goers running towards the back of the building to exit through the alley, but there were too many people trying to get out at once. You and Lily crouched behind the bar with a scream as the glass walls that adorned the front of the building smashed open, a mail truck sat blocking the front.

The red and blue blur of his suit landed on the mail truck that sat half in the building and half out. Lily peeked over the counter, pulling you with her to see what was happening. A few other of the employees and people just simply trying to enjoy their dinners took up the space around you both.

You couldn’t make out what Spider-Man was saying, your adrenaline pumping too hard to focus on what was being shouted, but he sounded familiar. You knew that voice. You knew it. His masked head turned and saw people still in the building and yelled for everyone to get out through the back.

You froze dead in your spot as realization washed over you. No. There was no way. There was absolutely no chance it was him.

It was Peter. That was Peter.

As you went to stand with Lily, you watched as his head did a double take in your direction. You looked directly at the white eyes, holding each other's stare for a few seconds too long as Lily grabbed you, screaming your name and that you needed to go.

You looked at her briefly and started moving, stepping over broken glass. When you turned to look back at him, he was gone.

The boys all sat on the couch, watching the breaking news of what had happened in the last hour as you both bounded through the door, shaking uncontrollably. Noah and Logan looked towards you and saw how frazzled you both were.

As Lily began explaining what happened, you scanned the apartment. “Where is he?” They all stopped and looked at you. “Peter? He’s in his room,” Noah said as Lily sat on the couch with them, trying to calm down.

You moved quickly to his door, trying to open it, but finding it locked. You pounded on the door. “Peter! Peter, open the door!” There was no movement, no noise on the other side.

The tremble in your hands grew more frantic. Your stomach was in knots. Peter was Spider-Man. Peter Parker was Spider-Man. Who knew? Did the guys know?

When you turned back to the living room, everyone's eyes were on you. “Are you okay? Did you hit your head?” Logan asked, moving towards you. You stepped back from him. “Oh, I’m fine! I need to talk to Peter. When he comes home, tell him I need to talk to him,” they all stood dumbfounded at your outburst, not used to seeing you act like this.

You went straight to your room and opened the door. As you did, a gloved hand went over your mouth, muffling your scream as they kicked the door shut.

“Calm down, calm down. It’s me, it’s me!” Your eyes whipped to the side as you saw Peter standing there in the Spider-Man garb. “I’m going to remove my hand and I need you to keep quiet, okay?” Your breathing evened out and you nodded your head.

He moved his hand and you turned, scanning over his figure. “Holy fuck! Are you okay? Did he hurt you? I don’t understand. I don’t understand. Peter, are you Spider-Man? Seriously? Are you?” He watched you as your hands had a death grip on his forearms, fingernails digging in through the fabric of his suit.

He was frantic, panic taking him over as he searched you. “I’m fine. I’m not hurt. Are you hurt, dove? I saw you at the restaurant with Lily and I don’t know how close you were to the windows,” his hand cupped your cheeks, tilting your head around as he searched you for any visible injuries. “No, I’m fine. We’re fine. We were towards the back,” he nodded his head, crushing you to him as he pulled you into a hug, a big sigh leaving him, lips placing a chaste kiss to your forehead before withdrawing his touch.

You instantly missed it, the comfort it offered gone as he moved back in your room, away from you. What the hell was happening?

“Okay, good. Yes, I’m Spider-Man. I’ve been Spider-Man since I was fifteen,” your jaw fell slack as you looked at him. You were roommates with Spider-Man. You had slept with Spider-Man.

“Holy shit, Peter! What the fuck? Who knows?” He started removing the suit and as you watched, your features morphed into one of confusion. As normal Peter came back to the room, suit discarded, you recalled the events of the night from just a few days ago. The two being completely different entities. The words he had said to you replayed in your mind. You halted and stepped back from him. “You’re the one who saved me,” it came out as a whisper, brain almost unable to piece the information together.

The sweet, sarcastic, funny superhero who had been your savior and who had sat and chatted with you for a bit after the dramatic saving was Peter. Asshole Peter who wouldn’t give you the time of day until you continuously spread your legs for him.  

His eyes darted to your figure as he stepped into his regular pants, stopping his motions as he slowly nodded. “Yeah, it was me.” You couldn’t help the feelings of anger that coursed through you, some sort of betrayal washing over your mind.

“So, he can be nice to me. He can joke around with me about the shitty situation that I had been in, but not you. Not unless my legs are spread for you? Because it’s nice to have an easy fuck when I’m across the hall. Wouldn’t talk to me in public, wouldn’t let me sit next to you on the couch, would leave a room when I entered it. You know what, Peter,” you scoffed, irritation bubbling up in you, tears slowly falling down your cheeks, “get out. If you don’t want to treat me like a person then go. You said you were done with this anyways.”

His mouth was open, brows furrowing and shaking his head, moving towards you to try and calm you down as the words flew from you. You opened your bedroom door, not caring that everyone was still in the living room and stood next to the door, forcing him out.

You didn’t want him in your safe space. He didn’t deserve it.

Lily left later that night and you laid in your bed, tears hitting the pillow at the sheer stupidity of the problem you had. Why did you think Peter would act like a decent human to you? It had been years of continuous shit and a few months of secretly sleeping together would change it? Dumb.

A tapping at your window had you rolling over and seeing the culprit in his garb had you sitting up in your bed, a bewildered expression on your face as he pointed to the lock and was asking you to open it.

It was freezing out and raining. You didn’t want him sick because then he would get everyone else sick. That’s the only reason to open the window.

As he climbed in, removing the mask and shaking his wet hair out, his skin was pasty with the red tint sitting on his cheeks and the tip of his nose. You turned and grabbed the spare throw blanket you had, holding out your entire arm to him with the blanket on the edge of your fingers.

He thanked you and wrapped it around himself before sitting on the edge of your bed, eyes never leaving you despite your attempt to steer clear of his gaze. You left the room and went to the kitchen. You wanted to postpone this conversation by all means. If that meant making yourself some hot chocolate with some extra for the asshole that was shivering in your room then so be it.

When you came back and handed him the mug, no whipped cream or marshmallows, he chuckled at you. Yours was piled high with the extras, even the small pink marshmallows that you fawned over in the grocery store with him during the weekly grocery trip for the loft, sat on your mug.

He remembered how you justified them being an extra fifty cents because they didn’t get stale as fast. He knew it was because they were pink and thought it was adorable that you tried to win him over on the purchase. He would buy you a million pink marshmallows if it meant seeing that look of excitement take over your features.

“What do you want, Peter?” He sighed, a pained expression taking over his face at your words. “I need to explain some things to you, dove.” You sipped your drink and sat in your desk chair across from your bed and nodded, not letting yourself look at him.

“Why do you call me that?” You whispered out, finding the whipped cream and chocolate shavings much more interesting. His laugh followed your question. “Do you know the first time I met you?”

You nodded and answered. “The loft interview.” You couldn’t fight it anymore, you had to look at him. A deep sadness sat on his shoulders, face sunken like he hadn’t slept, the stubble growing quickly on his jaw.

“No. I met you at that Halloween party in college. You brought a tray of cupcakes, the only person to do anything like that, and when Logan introduced us you gave me one. You said that your secret ingredient was a small dove chocolate in the middle. You were already so drunk, you thought you were whispering it to me, but you were yelling out over the music. I never heard your name when he brought you over so I called you dove for the rest of the night,” your memory of the night flashed in front of your eyes.

You had completely forgotten about that. Logan had gotten you absolutely shiftfaced and you ended up blacking out, memory erased. You had met Peter that night.

Hurt hit you like a truck, guilt following. “Is that why you were mad at me? Because I didn’t remember?” He laughed and shook his head, leaning forward and staring into the mug.

“Dove, I fell in love with you the minute you walked in that fucking door. I couldn't care less that you didn’t remember. We all got so fucked that night, it would’ve been impossible for you to know.” A permanent shocked expression sat on your face at Peter’s words. It made even less sense than before.

“My Spider-Man responsibilities are dangerous. They have ruined my life before and I cannot let it happen again,” his eyes met yours and they were brimmed with tears, a sniffle following as he squeezed the mug in his hands.

“What happened, Peter?” You walked over to him, taking the mug from his hands and letting your fingers go into the pillowy soft locks on his head. His hands landed on your hips, head resting on your chest as he tried to speak.

“Gwen happened. I dated her in high school and I loved her, dove. She knew about Spider-Man, she was in danger because of it, and I couldn’t save her. I don’t know how it’s possible, but I think I love you even more and that was the last thing I wanted to happen. I thought that if I put some distance between us, and didn't let you get close to me, that you would be safe. I can’t let anything happen to you. I need you safe.”

He was crying as your thumbs brushed under his eyes as he spoke. “I’m sorry about everything I have said to you. You are not just a fucking lay to me and when you said that Lily wanted to set you up it was like me opening myself up to more had been a mistake because you don’t feel the same. You are everything. I tried to hate you and tried to not care about you, but it didn’t work. I love you and I want to love you, but I’m so scared.” You gave him a soft smile and a wet laugh, tears falling to match his.

“Peter. That’s not how it works. I am so sorry about Gwen. I can’t even imagine what you went through and going through it so young is horrible. But you can’t protect me from everything. I’m a grown woman who has to take care of herself. Me knowing what you do and who you are doesn’t put me in any more danger and if it does I know what you’re capable of, Peter. I know you will be able to save me again.” You gigged at the end, hands playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“And I love you too. I do,” his smile grew at your words, pulling you in between his legs even further and connecting your lips.

As he laid back on the bed, taking you with him, you let him deepen the kiss, but pulled back, straddling his waist. “We’re going to have to sign a new loft agreement.” He nodded his head, hand cupping the back of your neck and bending you back over to meet him. “We’ll deal with it in the morning.”

“Please don’t make me save you again, dove. It was terrifying seeing your dorm building on fire and knowing you were still in there. Can I have more cookies too? I burn a lot of calories on patrol nights,” You nodded eagerly, lips trailing down his neck, your breathing picking up.

“I’ll bake you all the cookies you want. I use dove chocolate on those, too,” you whispered out, sitting up from him, hands resting on his chest, “My secret ingredient actually isn’t that though. It’s love,” you batted your eyelashes at him in an over dramatic way. His laugh echoed in the room at the cheesy comment, before wrapping his arms around you and crushing you to his chest.

“That’s what it is. Keep putting that in, ‘kay?” You nodded, letting him kiss you slow and deep, heart doing somersaults at his words. Peter loved you and you couldn’t wait to find out everything you could about what made him, him.

[carnationworld-writings]

If you ever forget that you love me (Caspian x reader)

To read my other works, check my MASTERLIST !

Paring: Prince Caspian x fem!reader

Universe: The Chronicles of Narnia

Word Count: 861

Requested: Yes, by @i-amtitania

Warnings: I think none? If I forgot about anything feel free to write to me. Your well-being is important to me!

Summary: Where Caspian reads letters from her.

Caspian woke up feeling warm sun rays on his skin and hearing the birds singing. It took him a few moments to realise that he was no longer on the sea, he was home, and his betrothed was just a few rooms down the hall. A smile came onto his face, and a warm feeling blossomed in his chest at the thought that he would see you today without the need to dream about it anymore. He sat up, stretching his muscles, when his eyes fell on the pile of paper on his nightstand. He reached for it, noticing a ribbon wrapped around it and his name written by you on top of it. He touched it carefully and leaned against the headboard. He took the first one and unfolded it, holding it like the most sacred thing in the whole world. His smile grew wider when he noticed the date on the bottom of the sheet - the day his journey started. He read attentively every word you wrote, and everyone went directly to his heart. He loved how you described your days and even wrote about small gossip around the court. He was grateful for the possibility of catching up with everything that way. He was sure that you made some situations more light and fun than they would be. What shocked him the most was how easily he could notice your emotions through those letters. Even if you didn’t name it, he could say that in better days, you wrote more jokingly, with more anecdotes and jumping between different topics. On bad days they were more thoughtful and shorter. On these days, you clearly express your worries and how you miss him. It made him want to run to you and hug you tightly, but the knowledge that Trumpkin, Doctor Cornelius and Glenstorm were there for you and took care of you. 

In one of the latest letters, written just after the wedding of one of your friends, he found a part that made him blush, and he needed to read it twice to believe that it was there.

My love, I can’t stop thinking about you and our wedding. I want it to be perfect for us - for this celebration to be cherished by us similarly. But what kept me awake tonight was the thought about everything after it. About how it will be to wake up next to you, to be able to keep you close at night. How our life will look in the cosiness of our bedroom because I must say I really hope that we will choose to have a shared bedchamber. I dreamed about your lips on mine, your hands on my body, being able to learn your body and being the reason you will achieve pleasure…

Caspian made himself read the last letter before he rushed to get dressed. He still felt heat on his cheeks. His mind wholly was consummated by you. He couldn’t stop thinking about everything waiting for both of you after you’d exchanged your vows. He looked through the window and smiled, seeing you walking through the yard. He quickly walked out of his room and started searching for you. Luck was on his side when he spotted you in the corridor he just ran in. He screamed your name at what you smiled, and he started running to you. In mere seconds Caspian took you in his arms and immediately kissed you. You gasped in surprise but quickly relaxed in his arms. Your hand slowly reached his nape, and you melted against him. After a moment, they departed breathless, and Caspian rested his forehead against yours. He watched your flashed face and smiled, seeing your closed eyes. 

“Caspian..” She whispered. “Not that I am complaining, but what was that for?” You looked up at him, resting your palm on his chest. 

“I just love you.” He peaked her lips and smiled. “I think that lilies will be perfect for our wedding. The book you were reading indeed is so boring - I tried to read it last year, but it didn’t work out. I will take you to the Lone Islands and wherever you will want to go, and I will gladly show you the most beautiful places there, even if none of it can compare to your beauty. And I also want us to have one bedchamber because I think that when I finally will have a taste of you - I won’t be able to stay away even for a few hours.” 

“You read my letters.” You moved your hand to gently cup his cheek. Caspian kissed your wrist, squeezing your waist gently. 

“Each of them.” She smiled and brought him into another kiss. Caspian pulled you closer to him, making her laugh into his lips. This one kiss wasn’t a heated make-out - it was a clumsy kiss intermittently by giggles and declarations of love. And then, when the Duchess came into the corridor and cleared her throat, both blushed, trying to stop their giggles. She only shook her head with a smile, mumbling about young love, happy for people that she treated like her own children. 

Author’s note: Thank you so much for reading! If it’s not too much trouble, I would love to hear your thoughts about it. Any feedback is greatly appreciated and motivates me to work.

I am sorry about every grammar mistake and misspelling. English is not my first language.

Klaudia  💜

Taglists are always open! If you want to be added fill this up or send me an ask!

Caspian taglist: @elennox03 @live-love-loki @effielumiere @blackst0nes7077 @mystic-writings  @radcloudenthusiast @siriuslyslyslytherin @90steaology @mandos-crest @kaqua @aleksanderwh0r3 @anne-kollay @my-love-i-am-a-mess @crowssixof @x-heartrender-x @siriusbarnesslut @sassybadqueen  @mrs-brekker15  @florqlness @multifandomrandomgirl @ctrl-z33 @aleksanderblack @wecallhimbrowneyess @nyx2021 @poisxnedmind @rominaszh @sophiavrodrigues @frutilooplupin @uwiuwi @yannajhhh

[twdgwritings]

Marlon Headcanons

Paring: Marlon x Fem! Reader

Warnings: typos probably, my opinions, everyone lives AU, swearing, abusive/neglectful parents, think that’s it?

Summary: General and Romantic headcanons about Marlon.

A/N: I wanted to do more, but I can’t think of anymore. Y’all are welcome to share some ideas, I could do a part 2.

-General-

I don’t think he is from West Virginia originally (where the game takes place). I think he and his parents are originally from Kentucky or Tennessee. He kinda rednecky but like, not that bad??

Marlon was abused at home. Mostly getting beat by his father, his mother was neglectful and just turned a blind eye or was too scared to stand up to his father. Because of his home life he began to act out violently, starting fights and just being a bully. He didn’t mellow out until he got to Ericson’s where he became a more laidback kid, though still acted out towards the adults and authority figures.

Adding into that, I think it’s why he caved to Lily and Abel. Some trauma within him kicked in again, reminding him of his father and fear overcame him. Nobody knows of his abusive home life other than Louis, he doesn’t like to talk about it.

He is a big fan of football, it was the only thing his father and him bonded over. His favorite team is the Detroit Lions, he has a jersey somewhere in his room/office.

Can’t clean up for shit. Marlon keeps a little pathway clean for walking but other than that, his room messy as fuck. Please make him clean up a little bit.

Marlon is the type of guy to say he is 6’0 but he is actually 5’11, nobody corrects him but they just stare at him like; -_-

He is a side sleeper, mostly to make room for you or Rosie. He also kinda snores but it’s so soft, so you can sleep.

Will cry himself to sleep every now and then, mostly because of stress and the weight of being leader.

Has crushed a soda can on his head before, left a temporary red mark that everyone made fun of him for.

Marlon’s is a rock fan, he likes AC/DC, Linkin Park, Guns n’ Roses, Green Day. But I can see home liking a few songs outside that genre.

-Romantic-

Marlon is definitely straight. He had some sort of toxic thing with Brody before what happened with the twins, but she dumped him after that. They still managed to stay friends and agreed not to cause problems for the other person’s love life.

He tries to be a good boyfriend to you, though he tends to be overprotective. As we know when he gets scared, he gets mad. Not at you (unless you are being dumb and risking your life doing stupid shit. Then he kinda does.) just the situation. He is so scared to lose you.

Painfully obvious about his feelings before confession, everybody knows he is crushing on you. (Mostly because Louis ran his mouth to everyone when he found out). Though once you are together he is a little shy about affection, but also very proud to show off his girlfriend.

Marlon’s love language is physical touch and acts of service, both giving and receiving but he will do whatever you need of him.

On that note… He is so fearful of losing you, no matter if it’s by dying or just breaking up with him. Marlon doesn’t mention this fear but you can tell he has it. Giving you a sad, but lost kicked puppy look. He also asks if you are happy and if you need anything.

Marlon has given you whatever is left of his food, or even went without to give more food to you in tight spots. He wants you to be as healthy and taken care of as possible, even if he must give something up.

One time you fell asleep in his bed cuddling up to Rosie, and by a miracle Marlon found a working camera. So he took a picture of his two favorite girls and keeps it on his desk, it makes him so happy.

He is the time of guy whenever you go hunting or patrolling together, he will hold your hand and dramatically swing them.

Marlon wanted to teach you to use his compound bow, mostly just as an excuse to get closer to you and get handsy. Loves to stand behind you, adjusting your arms and hips to “help you”.

[cryptidghostgirl]

Hello hi- back to my shenanigans again (the one with the fake dating + lobby portal + frozen half the pentagram surely not an OC ahahah anonymous asker) - anyway- heres some MORE angst.

Reader's past lover- died waaay before reader back in their teens because readers mother found out about their not so heterosexual relationship and decided to shoot them both but only killed one- reader escaping and killing her mom in return (let’s name her Charlotte- with mane wolf features- so wolf+fox+deer features a combination! ) and barely moved on after meeting Alastor like years later, yet still haunted by Charlottes dead eyes reader saw when she woke up from some sleepy poison. Now Charlotte is in heaven and reader in hell alongside their radio-lover lover!

Yet somehow- maybe though a very uncanonical accurate meeting where angels go down to see the new hotel after hearing sinners can get redeemed Charlotte (not to be confused with Charlie) is one of said angels and suddenly all those waves of emotions come rushing back and reader can do nothing but stare.

but oh wait! Angels/Winner dont remember their past life so reader goes to her- and shes just “Oh hello! Whats your name? :3” (shes an angel and loves the stars and plants and everything nice can do no wrong) “I-… I guess you dont know me in this lifetime” (AND DOESNT TELL HER THEYVE MET BEFORE because what good would that bring?)

But alastor is also there lurking in the back. watching them- he knew someone was in readers life before him but reader never said more than that. Will readers feelings for Charlotte come back? Will reader stay to the infatuation of murderous acts that Alastor bought them? Will reader choose the pure love that might not spring again?

The infamous blizzard demon overlord! that never dropped their mask around others that always seemed to have the upper hand in any situation, the cold- charismatic- brutal and ruthless overlord- suddenly speechless at the reappearance of someone they used to know. How will everyone react?! “Sweet as a pea, but sharp as a knife- now shocked like the stars have fallen”

GAAAH MY BRAIN IS TOO BIG ANF FULL OF ANGST!!!!! Heres some kisses too: maybe next fic its me x you pookie 😘😘🥰🥰😘😘😘😘

A/N What a wild way to close off a request, I honestly got so much respect for that. I don't do OCs but for the sign off comment, I'll make an exception. Also I am assuming you want this as a part two to Frostbite because she's still a blizzard demon?? Apologies in advance if I got that wrong. Also,, not you quoting something else I've written in your request. That's crazy, thank you so much for the love.

Day Lilies (Alastor x Blizzard demon!Reader x Angel!OC)

Pairing: Alastor x Reader

Part One: Frostbite (Alastor x Reader)

Warnings: Homophobia (from other people and internalized) and murder. Smoking/cigarettes and angst. Always angst. I think that is it, please correct me if I am wrong.

Word Count: 2,969

Master Lists:

Master Lists 

Hazbin Hotel Master List 

Alastor Master List

Click here and leave a comment if you want to be added to any taglists or send me an ask about it.

The best thing about the Hazbin Hotel, according to some, was the fact that not one but two overlords who had found a home there. The Radio Demon and the Frost. Feared, revered, respected, and making an appearance for the first time in seven long years.

Without Alastor and Y/n's help, Charlie would not have been able to achieve all she had and she was eternally grateful to the pair, even if they were a tad confrontational and violent at times. Deeply in love, indebted to one another in a billion and five different ways, Alastor and Y/n had worked hard for their life in the underworld. As the angel stepped gently out of the portal, following her superior, Y/n felt the pressure of that life as it began to crash down around her.

When Charlie had struck the deal with Heaven to have an angel come down to the hotel to track its progress and assess if any of its inhabitants were worthy of redemption, Y/n had thought nothing of it. Sure, it was a bit irritating but if anything, the deal seemed ripe for entertainment and thats really all she and Alastor were after at the end of the day. She had figured the angel would be some low ranking nobody. She had thought it would be amusing, that they would torture the poor creature, that things would stay roughly the same. Never in her wildest dreams had the notion ever crossed Y/n's mind that the angel might be Charlotte.

Of course, Y/n had known Charlotte must be in Heaven. The girl had always been so kind, so good to her very core. It had just all seemed so far away and now, somehow, there she was, peeking timidly out from behind the seraphim's back.

Charlotte looked different, having taken on some animalistic, wolfish features since her death. Sharp ears sprouted from the untamed mess of her hair, fangs peeked their way out from the corners of her lips but Y/n was sure. It was Charlotte. It was all in the eyes.

"Welcome, Sera." Charlie politely began, taking a step forward.

Normally, such a show of self restraint from the young demon princess would have caused curiosity to spark a fire in Y/n's chest. Now, she just stood beside Angel as Charlie had requested, eyes wide and mind reeling.

"Is this who we will be working with?"

Sera looked at the shy wolf of a girl behind her and nodded her head, gesturing for the girl to step forward.

"Yes." she replied, her voice cold and haughty, "This is Charlotte, she has been with us for a while and we trust her judgment on matters such as this."

"Oh how funny!" Charlie brightly exclaimed, "My full name is Charlotte too but, I go by Charlie. Do you have a nickname you'd prefer?"

"Just Charlotte is fine." the angel softly replied and Y/n's breath caught in her throat.

The girls voice was honeysuckle, it was sticky sweet teen love.

"Why her?" Husk asked and Charlie shot him a glare, "She just seems a little..."

Sera laughed lightly, a caring smile sneaking on to her face.

"She's a little shy, but she is smart. Even when she was alive, she had an ability to read people, to see right through to the essence of their beings."

Charlotte blushed slightly at the compliment, turning away.

The southern sun beat down over head, long grass whipping at their legs as Charlotte, running, dragged Y/n to the center of the field.

"Lottie!" Y/n exclaimed, half laughing, "Where on earth are you taking me?"

Charlotte glanced back at her companion, a mischievous smirk painting her lips that sent bolts of red hot fire through to Y/n's fingertips.

"You'll see."

After a few more paces, they came to a panting halt. Charlotte turned to Y/n, placing a hand gently over the other girl's eyes. With a guiding hand, she lead the blinded girl to a spot a little ways off where she had snuck off to earlier and set up a picnic. There was fresh fruit, Georgia peaches from her family's own orchard, and home made lemonade. Slowly, Charlotte gifted Y/n with sight.

Y/n's mouth fell slightly open as she surveyed the scene before her. Sixteen and in love, she turned to Charlotte, taking both the girl's hands in her own.

"When... how..."

"I know things have been rough at home lately. I wanted to do something to make you smile."

"How did you know? I never..." Y/n cleared her throat, "I never said anything... I nev-"

"You didn't have to. I know you, love. You never have to say a word."

Alastor watched his lover silently from the other side of the group. Charlie had insisted they flank the guests, dragging Y/n away from his side just as the portal had opened. She didn't show it, not obviously, but he knew something was wrong. From the second the portal had opened and the angels had stepped through, she had gone tense, her eyes fixed on the one called Charlotte, the tips of her frostbite blackened fingers tapped against one another in wild thought.

"Well," Sera sighed, looking around at the ragtag group of sinners and demons, "I had best be on my way. I will be back in a few days to pick Charlotte up, please be kind to her over the course of her stay."

With those parting words and a reassuring pat on the angel's shoulder, Sera stepped back through the portal which closed behind her.

"Well," Charlie began brightly, clapping her hands together, "let's do introductions! I am Charlie Morningstar and I run the Hazbin Hotel with my girlfriend, Vaggie."

Vaggie sent Charlotte a wave which she timidly returned. With a deep breath, Charlotte stepped towards the line of sinners before her.

"Alastor." Alastor hummed, grabbing Charlottes hand and shaking it harshly, "A pleasure to be meeting you my dear, quite the pleasure."

It struck Charlie as a bit odd he said and did nothing else but, she made no mention of it. In her mind, Alastor was simply on his best behavior as requested. In reality, he was far too focused on the way a slight flurry of snow had begun to settle on Y/n's sharp shoulders.

"Nice to meet you too." Charlotte replied, extracting her hand from his grip and moving down the line.

Y/n's heart pounded wildly against her chest as Charlotte grew closer. Her tail twitched behind her, flicking back and forth gently, and her breaths grew slightly heavy. Although he noticed the odd behavior, it was impossible not to from his place beside her, Angel said nothing. At long last, Charlotte came to a stop before her.

"Disgusting!" Y/n's mother's voice rang out through the yard, "You are both complete and utter disgraces!"

They hadn't meant to be found out. As far as Y/n's mother had known, Y/n and Charlotte were best friends. Charlotte had come over to help Y/n with her chores, they had been doing laundry out in the yard when Charlotte had playfully flicked water towards her beloved. One thing had lead to another and before long, they had been wrapped up in one another, planting a singular, soft kiss on each other's lips. Y/n felt Charlotte's hand tighten around her own, she took a step forward.

"Don't you dare speak to her that way!" Y/n yelled back, anger burning brightly in her eyes and adrenaline shaking her limbs with wild courage, "Don't you dare!"

Her mother scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"She is a bad influence on you! The devil sent to curse me!"

Y/n's mother stepped forward, grabbing Y/n and wrenching her from Charlotte's grip. Charlotte tugged at Y/n's mother's dress as she dragged her girlfriend harshly into the small house.

"Let her go!" Charlotte cried, "Stop it! We weren't doing anything wrong!"

With a harsh slap to her face, Charlotte was sent to the ground. Her mother threw Y/n through the door, the unfinished wood of the floor sending splinters deep into Y/n's knees as she struggled to get to her feet. Her head had hit the corner of the table in her fall, the world was spinning. Y/n's mother grabbed the shot gun from where it lay beside the door. Just as Y/n managed to stumble to her feet, holding her swaying body up with a hand on the table she had hit, her mother stepped outside and slammed the door behind her, locking it.

Y/n rushed over, trying desperately to wrench it open to no avail. The anger had turned to panic as she heard her mother cock the gun.

"What are you doing!" she heard Charlotte yell and Y/n rushed to the window.

From her vantage point, Y/n watched her mother train the gun on Charlotte who had her hands raised and was stumbling backwards.

"Run!" she yelled, banging her fists on the glass, "Lottie, run!"

"Please." Charlotte was pleading, tears wetting her cheeks, "I promise I wont ever come here again, I wont ever come near her again. Please!"

"Lottie!" Y/n yelled again.

With no regard for her own safety, Y/n punched the glass of the window. The pane shattered around her hand, puncturing her soft skin. Blood, hot and wet, ran down her arm as she pulled her hand back to her side.

"Yeah, you sure as hell wont!" Y/n's mother yelled, her voice thick and low with rage, "You'll be dead!"

Y/n flung her leg over the window sill, shards of glass digging into her as she pulled herself through the hole she had created.

"Lottie!" she yelled again, "Run!"

Her screams were drowned out by the sound of a gunshot. Charlotte held her hands to her stomach, blood pouring from between her fingers. Their eyes met.

"Lottie!"

"And you are?" Charlotte asked expectently.

Y/n shook her head slightly, pulling herself from the depths of her memories. Everyone was staring at her, she had no idea how long the angel had been standing before her. She cleared her throat.

Alastor didn't know what was going on but, whatever it was, he knew he didn't like it. Using his shadows, he appeared behind Y/n and placed a protective hand on the top of her head between her horns. Her hair was damp from freshly fallen snow and Charlotte gasped slightly in surprise at his appearance.

"My dear," he grinned, leaning down to Y/n's ear, "you're snowing."

"I..."

Y/n looked up, her cheeks flushing pink and the heart on the tip of her tail puffing up as she realized what he said.

"O-oh." she stuttered, brushing his hand from her head and the snow from her shoulders as she regained control of her powers again, "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me."

The other members of the hotel watched in a mixture of shock and confusion. They had always known Y/n to be cold, to be harsh. They had always seen her devotion to the man behind her as infallible. No one had any idea what was going on but, the presence of the angel stopped them all in their tracks.

"It's quite all right, what's your name?" Charlotte asked again, her voice honey sweet.

Y/n took a deep breath, morphing her features into the closest thing to a kind smile she could muster.

"Y/n." she firmly replied, "I'm Y/n."

Her eyes scanned Charlotte's face intently as their hands made contact. She waited for the shock of recognition, for the tears her Lottie had always been so prone to. There was nothing.

"That's a very pretty name." Charlotte replied, "It sounds like it is from the same era as mine."

That raised some small hope in Y/n's chest. She took a step forward, bringing herself closer to the angel.

"Which is?"

"Oh, I don't know." Charlotte replied, her cheeks flushing pink with embarrassment, "Angels don't get to remember their lives on earth unless they are pretty high in the ranks. I've been told I was from Georgia though, that I died in the early 1900s."

Y/n froze, her breath trapped in her chest, a knife buried deep within her heart.

"Oh." she mumbled out in a broken whisper, "I guess you... you don't know me in this lifetime."

"What was that?" Charlotte asked, leaning in a bit.

Y/n shook her head, letting go of Charlotte's hand.

"Nothing. I... I need some fresh air, I think. If you would all excuse me."

It didn't take Alastor long to find Y/n once Charlie had let him return to his duties in favor of showing Charlotte around the hotel. She stood out in back of the hotel, her back pressed firmly against the wall and a cigarette crushed between her fingers. Shakily, she took a drag.

"What was that about?" Alastor asked, leaning up against the wall beside her and folding his arms across his chest.

"What was what about." Y/n cooly replied.

"Y/n, don't play dumb."

"I knew her back when we were alive, thats all."

"Is that all?" Alastor asked after a moment, "You seemed..."

He trailed off. Alastor was angry. He had always been the jealous type, protective to a fault. He could see how shaken up Y/n was however and so, running a finger over the ring he wore, Alastor took a deep breath.

"That angel, Charlotte..." her name lingered poisonously on his tongue, "it seemed there was something a lot more than just you knowing her."

"I picked these for you." Y/n bashfully stated, shoving a bouquet tied with a rough bit of twine towards the pretty girl beside her, "Here."

Tentatively, Charlotte took the bouquet from Y/n's hand. She held it gently, watching the way the breeze played with the petals.

"Georgia asters?" Charlotte hummed thoughtfully, "And yarrow?"

"My momma didn't used to be poor. She grew up in a rich family, gave it up when she married my dad. Her momma taught her floriography." Y/n's words came out in a big rush, they chased after one another in a breathless flurry of nerves, "It was big in the victorian era for fancy people, all about talking through flowers. She taught me asters symbolized wisdom, faith, and valor and that yarrow was for healing and... and love... besides, I know you like them. You're always staring at them when were out."

Charlotte looked over at Y/n who's cheeks were bright red. She smiled, her eyes shining.

"I love you too." she said, nudging Y/n gently with her elbow.

"Yeah, but..." Y/n sighed, running a hand through her messy hair, "I... god, Lottie! I don't just love you like a sister. Its... I understand if you don't wanna talk to me anymore I just couldn't... I couldn't keep it in anymore."

Y/n looked away, tears pressing hotly at the backs of her eyes. Charlotte's eyes went wide.

"I understand... I won't be mad... I just... I'll leave."

Charlotte's hand shot out, grabbing Y/n's wrist as she pushed herself from the fence they were leaning against. Slowly, Y/n turned to face her. Charlotte was blushing now too and looked away, still holding Y/n tightly.

"I don't..." she took a deep breath, "I don't love you like a sister either."

"It's wrong... it's so wrong... what would my mother say... what would your mother say, I-"

Charlotte cut Y/n off, standing on her toes to press a soft kiss to the slightly taller girl's lips. It was clumsy and foreign. Y/n trembled, her eyes fluttered shut.

"I don't care." Charlotte said, "I don't care."

"Yeah." Y/n sighed, taking a final drag from her cigarette before stamping it out beneath her heel, "Yeah."

"Do I have anything to worry about?" Alastor asked and Y/n's eyes met his.

He had known her long enough, he could see the conflict.

"She was my first love, Al." Y/n admitted, "We were girls together."

"You're my wife."

"It's different."

"Do I have anything to worry about?" Alastor asked again and Y/n looked back out at the sky.

"She doesn't remember me."

"But you remember her."

"But I remember her." Y/n confirmed, her voice cracking, "I couldn't forget if I tried. She haunts me, Al. She has always haunted me, since long before I even met you. Lottie died in my arms, Al. My mother killed her, shot her right in the stomach. I...."

Y/n trailed off into silence. It was more about her life before she had met him than she had ever revealed before. Alastor took a deep breath, conflicting emotions battling behind his eyes.

"What are you thinking about?"

He was trying to keep his cool, to save face. He was failing, anger and a secret fear ate away at the edges of his words.

"Day lilies."

"Day lilies?" Alastor repeated and Y/n nodded, meeting his eyes once again.

"A floriography thing again?"

Alastor knew of Y/n's interest in the symbolic properties of plants. It was one of the only things she ever spoke about concerning her mother and her shadowed past before that night in Mimzy's bar.

"Yes."

"What do they mean?" Alastor sighed, resigning himself to his fate because god, if Alastor knew anything he knew his fate was Y/n. She held his heart in the palms of her hands.

"Love for lovers. Love for mothers..."

"And?"

His heart pounded against his chest.

"And loss of memory."

----

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