#if this is about skulduggery pleasant: yeah i agree

[gideonthefirst]

You have no taste

DHDDHDHD??? I've made so many media posts in the past hour I don't even know what this is about....come off anon so we can passionately argue and then fall deeply in love causing me to have to break up with my beautiful girlfriend before yours and my hot-and-cold off-and-on relationship inevitably explodes and I never forgive you for tempting me into ruining the happiness I currently live in...

[skulduggery-pleasant-bp9]

Playing with a Coroner and a Detective is not wise - Skulduggery x Male!Reader Universe

WARNING!: Working on corpses, a bit graphic, cutting bodies, mention of murder, cursing AND MORE ! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED !!!

Part 10 – M/n’s Workplace

They arrived at Grimwood and M/n opened the second garage, for Skulduggery, to park his car in. M/n parked his own car in the main garage and then got out with Ghastly. They waited for Stephanie and Pleasant in the living room.

Soon enough they arrived.

“Follow me. Sister, you shut up about it, otherwise I will make you regret your life.”, M/n said, still a bit coldly.

She perked up that he even talked to her.

“Of course, Bubba. I...I owe you that much for my outburst earlier.”, she said softly.

“I told you, that it’s fine. Now let’s go. I am curious if they work.”, M/n said and then speed walked away.

The others followed and Stephanie was very confused, while Skulduggery turned his head to Ghastly in questioning.

“What is he talking about ?”, he asked the tailor.

“He said he bought something not long ago. Something that projects illusions over your body and makes you look different. He wants to try them out on us, so we can follow him.”

“Then I should call Kenspeckle.”, Skulduggery said.

“That you should.”, Ghastly agreed.

M/n stood in front of a wall and ran his hand over a certain area, then the wall slid to its right and a small entry was granted. He turned to the other three.

“Get in already. Down the staircase and open the big steel door.”, M/n instructed.

Skulduggery went in first, then Stephanie and Ghastly. M/n followed after them and closed the entrance. He pulled out his phone and turned on the flashlight, he gave it to Ghastly, who gave it Stephanie, who in turn gave it Skulduggery, to light the way.

“Why no Magic ?”, she asked.

“Because this is a house that is inflammable and I don’t want that.”, M/n answered.

“Oh...”

“Yeah, oh.”

Soon enough they reached the door out of steel and Skulduggery opened it. They entered the room and M/n turned on the lights. Stephanie’s and Ghastly’s eyes widened, in shock and awe. This was looking like a laboratory for everything that is technological.

On the left of the room were closets made out of steel, that raked up to the ceiling of the room, with big and many compartments, which had doors and keyholes, so they were locked too. On the right of the room were a lot of machine parts, big parts and two doors that led to god knew where. In the back in the center of the room, was a big desk. It was messy with papers, tools, screws and nuts. There was a small lamp too and a big, cold white glowing lamp in the middle of the ceiling too, illuminating the while room. It was beautiful and messy at the same time.

“Here I put all the stuff together, that I order from the industries.”, M/n explained.

“So you order all the things and just have to piece them together ?”, Stephanie asked.

“Yeah. It is like building Lego. You get a package, all the parts and a blueprint. All you have to do is put it all together and read the blueprint correctly. Easy.”, M/n said, shrugging his shoulders.

“Huh.”

M/n pulled, out of his pants pockets, a pair of keys and pulled out one of the many he had on the chain. He went to the closets and then they all saw him squinting. He grunted in frustration.

“Stupid eyes...”, he muttered under his breath.

He went to the desk, unlocked the left drawer on it and got out a pair of glasses. Then he went back to the closets and followed the labels with his finger, reading them all and that continued for a bit, until he found the right compartment. He unlocked it and got out two small, black, round buttons.

Ghastly and Stephanie looked at them bemused, while Skulduggery pointed at the items in his hands, with his head crooked to the side, letting confusion ebb in his voice.

“And these are supposed to hide our actual looks ?”

“Yes. Now don’t start crying and mocking them. These things are really good. I tried them out once, but I ain’t a Mage, nor am I a Skeleton, so we have to see how they work on you two.”, M/n said.

“You gotta be joking.”, Stephanie groaned.

“I am dead serious. Now, Ghastly, put one on your cheek and press this button.”, M/n instructed and pointed at a small button on the side of the big button.

Ghastly took one and looked at it in suspicion. Then he pressed it to his face and it surprisingly stayed on his left cheek, then he pressed the small button. It turned green slightly and in a flash an illusion fell over Ghastly.

Stephanie stared in shock at the tailor, while M/n smirked in triumph. The illusion was almost flawless. It leaked a few scars, nothing M/n can’t program. He turned to Skulduggery.

“Your turn.”, he said.

“Does it work ?”, Ghastly asked.

“Ghastly, you look almost like someone entirely else. Some scars are flickering through, but otherwise, it is a perfect disguise.”, Stephanie told him.

“A small issue, that, I can reprogram. No worries. This Baby will run perfectly, Ghastly.”, M/n said kindly.

Skulduggery did the same as Ghastly did and soon an illusion fell over the Skeleton, but it had a few flaws. One of his empty eye sockets glitched through and one of his hands was still bone. M/n clicked his tongue. He can fix that.

“Alright you two, leave them on and come with me. The red door is where we are going. Sis, you stay here.”, M/n said.

“Why ?”, she asked.

“Very tiny space.”

“Oh...”

“Yep. We’ll be back in a bit.”, M/n told her and then unlocked the red door.

He led the two men inside there and then entered himself, locking the door behind himself too.

“Welcome back, Corrupted.”, a robotic male voice answered.

“Hello, Iron. Did you miss me ?”, M/n asked.

“Very funny, Sir.”, the robotic voice replied dryly.

“Do we have to know who Iron is and were ?”, Ghastly asked worried, looking around everywhere.

“Iron is an AI that I created a while ago. He is mostly turned off and still in development, but until now, it is functioning just fine. Iron is my security system and my personal computer for a lot of things. He calculates everything flawlessly, to make sure I am making no mistakes, he calibrates all dangers, before I do something stupid and more. Don’t worry, he can only see us through a small camera, that can’t be hacked.”, M/n explained calmly.

“You made Iron ?”, Skulduggery asked.

“From scratch, yes. Without help.”, M/n confirmed.

“Starting all systems, Sir.”, Iron said.

The lights turned on and Ghastly and Skulduggery saw a lot of monitors and a big keyboard in the room. M/n sat down in his chair and then waited for the monitors to turn on, which they soon did.

“Thank you, Iron. I need the connections to the two buttons on the two males’ faces. As you can see, I need to reprogram and adjust them.”

“Of course, Sir. Starting search for Buttons...”

Soon they were shown on the monitors.

“Starting connection to their softwares...”

After a few minutes, they were inside their systems and M/n instantly got to work. Ghastly thought it was uncomplicated, but as he saw the strings of coding, he grew a bit dizzy. How did this Teenage boy handle all of that ?

Ghastly’s was the first one. The illusion flickered, got pulled and stretched, until everything sat perfectly and then the textures were changed. After he saved everything, Ghastly was stable. Then M/n went to Skulduggery’s illusion projector and did the same. After a while, the illusion sat and there was no glitching, flickering and buzzing anymore.

“Iron, save everything and then shut everything down.”

“Understood, Sir.”

With that M/n got up from his chair and walked over to the two disguised Mages. He smiled in triumph.

“You both will LOVE the designs.”, M/n stated proudly.

Then he unlocked and opened the door again, leading them out of the room. They spotted Stephanie and as she looked at the three, her jaw dropped in shock. M/n grinned.

“The blueprints and instructions really do wonders, when you understand them, eh, little Sister ?”, M/n asked teasingly.

“Are these two really still Ghastly and Skulduggery ?”, she asked her Brother.

“They are.”, M/n assured.

“Do we look that different ?”, Ghastly asked.

M/n chuckled, took off his glasses and then left their sides. The two men were too scared to face each other. M/n pulled out a big full body mirror from behind the left closet in the back. They looked and stared at their reflections in shock.

“What the...”, Ghastly started.

“Hell...”, Skulduggery ended.

M/n smirked proudly.

Ghastly had silver hair, his skin tone was lighter, his face had no scars and he actually looked handsome. He liked that face and smiled after his moment of shock.

Skulduggery had blond hair, his skin tone was almost like Ghastly’s just a bit darker, his face had no scars, but freckles here and there, his eyes were a soft green tone, his nose fit the face perfectly, it wasn’t too sharp, nor too round and it was all over his body, as he found out. He took off one of his gloves and even there he had skin and fingernails. It had been so long since he looked human...

Stephanie started at them and then at her Brother.

“You are a genius, you know that ? They look awesome !”, she said with a big grin.

“I know I am perfect. Thank you, Sister. I needed that Ego boost.”

She hugged her Brother tightly and he returned the hug.

“I...wow...this is amazing.”, Ghastly said in awe.

“Impressive...”, Skulduggery said in shock.

“Don’t get used to them. Remember, only 12 hours battery, then they need to be charged and that means you will have your old looks back. They aren’t made to hide your true selves from you. They are made for cases, such as this one. We go to my workplace, ask some questions, inspect the bodies if they are there and then leave. An undercover mission, nothing more.”, M/n reminded the two men.

Ghastly frowned at that reminder.

Yeah...not like he could keep that miracle and hide his scarred face... Would have been too good to be true...

M/n noticed Ghastly’s sadness instantly and tsked softly.

“Ghastly, just because you have a scarred face, doesn’t that mean, that you are ugly. In the end, looks don’t matter. It depends on who you are on the inside. If someone can’t see your worth on the inside, then they aren’t worth it. Trust me. You don’t look all that bad.”

“You think so ?”, Ghastly asked.

“I KNOW so. You are handsome in your own special ways. A face is only a small piece of the whole thing and almost unimportant. Personality counts. The person you are on the inside, is what counts. You could be the most handsome looking man, but with a disgusting personality or attitude, no one would want and love you. You get what I mean ?”

“I...I get it. Thank you, Corrupted.”

M/n smiled and patted Ghastly’s shoulder.

Then Skulduggery whipped out his phone and called someone. He left the room and went up the stairs as he talked with someone, while the other three slowly followed after the Skeleton.

“Now then...I need to make you fake IDs and then we should be alright.”

“What will be my name ?”

“Yuri. Yuri Jonathan.”, M/n told Ghastly.

“Skulduggery ?”

“Sammy Thorn. Cause he is a lousy skeleton and a thorn in my ass.”, M/n joked.

Ghastly chuckled.

“What about Kenspeckle ?”

“I’m unsure. Maybe Lucius Avery.”

“Your Sister ?”

“Lumi Jackson.”

Then Skulduggery came back to them in the hallway.

“Kenspeckle is coming, after a lot of convincing.”, he informed.

“Good.”, M/n replied.

Then he boy left and went to his own room, got out the things he needed and made the fake IDs for all four of them. After he was done with all four of them, the door was knocked on and Skulduggery let an older man inside, who seemed a bit grumpy. He seemed very untrusting to Skulduggery. Probably because he wasn’t a Skeleton anymore.

M/n smiled at the man kindly.

“Hello, you must be Dr. Kenspeckle Grouse. I made you all fake IDs, so you can get in, in case they will ask for IDs. My name is Corrupted. My Sister over there has not chosen a name yet.”, he introduced.

The older male looked at M/n with intrigue. He then stretched out his hand, for a shake. M/n gladly accepted and shook the man’s hand.

“That is correct. I am Dr. Kenspeckle Grouse. That sounds perfect. Then I think, you need this, right ?”, Kenspeckle asked and gave M/n a small picture of himself.

M/n took it and smiled brightly.

“Yes, thank you so much. With that we have a picture too, so we don’t have to worry, but we should disguise you a bit. I can alter the picture a little bit. Please follow me, Sir.”, M/n said.

He led Kenspeckle away and after a few minutes came back, with a man in white hair, blue eyes and he looked younger than he really was. He was in slight shock.

“Impressive, isn’t it ?”, Ghastly asked Kenspeckle with a smile.

“So it really was you two. Also an illusion, eh ?”, the older man asked.

“Yes, exactly.”, Skulduggery confirmed.

“Now we have to go. Everyone to the Pontiac Firebird. We are leaving.”, M/n said and led them all to the garage.

-Time skip-

They arrived at M/n’s workplace and he quickly led them all inside and ran to his Boss’ office with them. He knocked at the office door and a man opened it. He had a bald head, a small, yet neat black beard and dark blue eyes. He looked at M/n in shock and let him and the other four people inside.

“Corrupted, what are you doing here ? You have vacation.”, the man said.

“I’m sorry Boss, but I have a few questions. I got a visit at my house from two Detectives yesterday evening. They told me that two people went missing and they heard that I am a Coroner. They wanted me to ask, if you got any new people in here, in the last three days and if yes, if I can take a look at them. Apparently they suspect a murder on two men and I am known for my successful work. They introduced these three men to me and this girl is an apprentice of Mr. Avery. They are supposed to be my team and help me.”, M/n quickly explained in a big lie.

Skulduggery was impressed how flawlessly he lied.

The man stared at M/n in shock and then at the other four people. He sighed.

“I will need your IDs then.”, M/n’s Boss said softly.

They got out their fake IDs and gave them to him. The man checked them and then nodded and gave the IDs back to them, got up, opened the door and turned back to them.

“Follow me then.”, was all he said as he left.

The others followed him and M/n knew exactly where they are going. The mortuary room. As they entered it all, the four people, could see were big closet like things with big doors. Big compartments. The Boss of M/n went to the first few and pointed at them.

“These are the ones that came in recently and at the tenth door, the corpses of the past three days are over. I will clear out the room for you and sent the others on other tasks, so you have the room all to yourselves, Corrupted. Be careful and I hope you find, what you are looking for.”

“Thank you. Mr. Xavier.”, M/n thanked.

“You are welcome. Now I will be leaving.”

With that the man left and M/n got, out of a drawer, a pair of keys. He unlocked all ten doors, opened them and pulled out small platforms, where dead bodies laid on. Then he looked at Ghastly and Skulduggery.

“You know your small community best, so tell me who we are looking for.”, M/n demanded.

They looked over the ten corpses and soon enough saw two men. Two male Mages.

“I think that is them.”, Ghastly said and pointed at the two next to each other.

“That is them. They were known to be very good spies.”, Skulduggery confirmed.

“Alright, so number seven and eight are the ones. Okay. Ghastly get the cart over there, I will get the other one. I will put seven on your cart and eight on mine. Then you will follow me and we will start the inspection.”, M/n instructed quickly.

They jumped into action and M/n was quick to load the corpses on the carts. He led the four then to the laboratory that was a few steps away. Mr. Xavier stood in front of the closed doors of the lab.

“That’s them ?”, he asked.

“Yes, Sir. I am forbidden to share information with you. They said it was extremely important to only inform them, as they were from a secret organization.”, M/n informed.

“That is fine. You get such cases sometimes. Do what you have to and don’t tell me anything. Just tell me when you are finished and leaving.”

“I will, Boss.”

With that the man went out of their way and M/n rushed into the lab with the other four. As soon as the doors closed, M/n locked them and looked at them.

“Okay, we are inside and we have the bodies. Now we can work.”

“What are Skulduggery, your Sister and me going to be doing ?”, Ghastly asked.

“My Sister will listen to me and look away whenever I tell her to. You will take notes, Ghastly and Skulduggery can help a bit with giving tools. Maybe he will spot some things, which we, Kenspeckle and me, can’t spot.”

They nodded and M/n and Kenspeckle got out the tools, while he told his Sister to get out blank sheets of paper for Ghastly to write on and a pen. She rushed around and got him the things. He took them and then waited. The two Doctors prepared everything and then inspected the bodies from the outside first.

“Body eight has, some bruises on the left arm and chest. Seems like he was in a fight.”, M/n informed.

Ghastly noted it down.

“Body seven, scratch marks on the right leg, seems to be of fingernails and his right arm was burned.”, Kenspeckle informed.

“Which stage ?”, M/n asked.

“Second degree.”

Ghastly noted the information down. The two inspected the back too and saw that he must have slammed against something harsh. His back was showing bruises.

“Okay...let us check the eyes...”, M/n said.

Kenspeckle nodded and opened them. They had wide eyes as they saw the dead men’s eyes.

“What is it ?”, Ghastly asked.

“I....I’ve never seen this before...”, M/n muttered.

“Nor did I...”, Kenspeckle replied.

“What is it ?”, Stephanie asked.

“Their eyes are filled with black. No speck of white or anything. They are utterly black.”, M/n answered.

“We need to run tests on that.”, Kenspeckle told M/n.

“I know that.”, he replied dryly.

He was not amused to run tests on eyes... Kenspeckle carefully removed the eyes and put them on a small sample glass. M/n took one of each from him and then they went to inspect it closer with the Microscope. Skulduggery stood behind M/n and looked over his shoulder at the eyes.

“I fear we have to cut one of the eyes open and see if the black spread in there.”, Kenspeckle stated.

“What would that mean, if it spread ?”, M/n asked the Doctor.

“It would mean that Necromancy was used on them.”, he answered.

“Oh...Oh yay...”, M/n mumbled out unamused.

[rationalisms]

hard agree w your post about male characters being so humanized by fans at all levels of pathetic and powerful, meanwhile female characters remain one-dimensional “queens” at best. (an aside, there’s a fun song called “don’t call me queen” by jaguar jonze and haru nemuri that touches on this phenomenon.) would you mind sharing some of your favourite female characters and strugglewomen? i’m in the mood to get obsessed with a new fictional failgirl ☺️

ty for the song rec! it's a fun bop :')

also re: recommendations-- if you haven't watched person of interest or read the southern reach series yet you absolutely should do so immediately do not pass go do not collect 2000 dollars

partly because they have incredible female characters, yeah (root (poi) and the biologist (southern reach) are two of my favourite characters of all time and poi in particular also has shaw, carter, the machine, control, kara... so many good women) but also because they are both just legitimately incredible in so many other ways, too. especially the southern reach series.

off the top of my head some other stuff with female characters that are fun in the way men usually get to be:

obligatory locked tomb recommendation even though i'm pretty sure everyone on tumblr has heard of it by now lol. so so so so many awful, pathetic, deranged women in it though <3 in so many flavours. so it's still a mandatory mention

borne (by the same author as the southern reach series)

thoroughbreds

dishonored 2 and dishonored: death of the outsider (emily, billie, and delilah are all So Good. u should start with disonored 1 because it's a continuous narrative trilogy and also it's a good game but fair warning that the first game is slim pickings when it comes to any women at all lol. DLC does have delilah and billie in it at least.)

stoker

the imperial radch series

and then there were none (2015)

unironically skulduggery pleasant lol

shadowrun: dragonfall (you should play hong kong too but my two fave female characters are in dragonfall)

widows

like any sarah waters

pathfinder: wrath of the righteous (kingmaker has a rly gr8 female character too but there's a lot less companion content in it than wotr so ymmv on whether it's worth it if you're just playing it for her. good game in general though!)

like any shirley jackson but especially we have always lived in the castle

i had Some Issues with the power by naomi alderman but it was still a fun idea executed well

divinity: original sin 2

extraordinary attorney woo

unironically final fantasy 13 lol again

these ones don't really count because they weren't conceived as women but if you play as a woman it adds a fun extra character/narrative dimension imo: prey, tyranny, cyberpunk 2077

this is more of an adjacent rec but if u like cheesy genre lesbian stuff with various permutations of dirtbag women then read like any lee winters book lmao

i hope you'll find at least some stuff you like!! definitely am gonna shoot awake at 3AM going "oh no if forgot xyz how" but this is a good start i think kdfgjd

[geckolady]

Skulduggery Pleasant: Raising Cain - Chapter 3

Chapter 3 – It's a girl!

Stephanie has just turned twelve years old

For her twelfth birthday, Stephanie wanted to see her friends and she was refused. So, she asked her friends, through Gordon, to see her. Gordon refused, and they had had an argument. It seemed so petty now, to have had such a silly argument when she now knew that he just wanted to make sure she had every chance to do everything and anything in the world, but it had hurt that she couldn’t at least see them over lunch or go on walks with them.

At Gordon’s funeral, she had wept her eyes out, the only one crying. She had overheard the rest of her family in the parlour of their home, Gordon and Stephanie’s home, chatting ideally about who got the fortune, who got the house, who got the kid. She had screamed at them and then had to sit in the car with them looking ashamed of themselves going to the burial site. They tried to comfort her, but the damage was done. Honestly, she was more upset about the argument they’d had weeks ago and apologised for, and of her relatives, than she was that she was at the funeral of the last person that cared solely for her being her.

The rest of her was numb. It had happened again. It was hard to not look at things with irony and with cynicism when this was the thirdparents figure that had died.

She had seen her six friends in the corner, all in black suits and looks of genuine upset on their faces but hadn’t dared go up to them. Gordon hadn’t wanted that. She fiddled with the priceless emerald necklace Wolf, who was really Dexter, had sent her after she had won a dance competition a few months ago.

The wake was a little easier as the coffin was out of sight and it felt a little more final. She had been told by her Grandma, who had picked her up from the police station after Stephanie had called them to report Gordon being dead in his study and thus taken her in temporarily since she was a minor, that the funeral was being taken care of by Gordon’s friends. The ‘Reading of the Will’ was partway through the wake, though only a few of them were leaving.

Stephanie was led by her Grandma out of the wake after a wonderful meal at a fancy restaurant, Gordon’s favourite – she’d ordered his favourite, no one else had that she had seen – and into a small back room where a short man with massive pores all over his face stood with a hunch back and awkward smile. She looked at her Grandma over her shoulder and the woman shrank away a little.

She’s been very harsh and vocal about Gordon earlier. Stephanie, Ireland had found, was a much louder shouter than her. She didn’t want to see her again after today.

She sat it one of the chairs, purposefully not looking at the others in the room. The door was closed. She took a deep final breath. This was it. Then it was over, and she could go back to her life. She was a fighter. She could do this.

She looked at the man squarely, who avoided her steely gaze, and went for the least harmful participant, Beryl.

Times were rough for this little man.

“Can we start now?” Beryl quipped. “I want to get back home soon.”

“Yeah, we have things to do today,” Fergus frowned at him.

Stephanie glared at them and bit her tongue.

“Erm, yes, that is everyone after all. Firstly, allow me to offer my deepest condolences to you, his friends and family. I understand this is a–”

“Can we please skip this part?” Fergus asked. “I want to know who gets the boat? The house?”

“The royalties,” Beryl joined.

“The fortune.”

“Of – of course,” he said, adjusting his glasses and looking at his paper. “To my dear brother Fergus and your beautiful wife Beryl, though we have not always agreed or, indeed, enjoyed each other’s company, I have always respected your steadfast ability to ignore great details. I wish I could have seen the world through your eyes sometimes. To thank you for your company as children and through the years since, I leave you this. I hope you enjoy it as much as me.”

The man brought out a small box. They stared at it before slapping each other’s hands and Beryl snatched it up. She opened it and went deadly white.

“What is it? A pin number? A key? A bar of gold? Wife, show me!” Fergus worried.

“A broach,” she said faintly. “He gave us a broach.”

Fergus looked sick. “What else do we get? Come on man, there has to be more!”

The little man wet his lips and Stephanie glared more at her least loved uncle. “I’ll have to read on. ‘To my long standing friends, Ghastly Bespoke, Anton Shudder, Erskine Ravel, Saracen Rue and Dexter Vex, I have only advice. Remember that though you may all wish for different things, reality is a lot simpler than you first think. I found that in my, albeit short, life that all I thought I wanted to possess and worked hard to make happen was not what I truly needed, nor what gave me joy. I hope you achieve what took me so long to find and can find the brotherhood I feel you have begun to forget.”

Stephanie looked at them slowly, her eyes softening. She knew they had once been soldiers. War was not kind, or so she’d been told, and she had learned a lot about PTSD and other soldier things when she was at school once. She hoped they found what they needed too. They hung their heads in to mull over their late friend’s advice.

“And to my perfect niece, Stephanie Edgley. When I saw you in the hospital for the first time, I fell in love. I loved you and always have since the moment I saw your little feet in the air and you chewing your teeny tiny fingers. I am so, so sorry that you have had to lose both your parents and now myself. I never wanted this to happen. You wanted me to be there so badly, and I know I have made mistakes and I worry that I made a massive one it not allowing you to see our friends. I only wanted to do what I thought was best for you. I hope that I make up for it here. I know this is what you need in your soul. I think this is the path for you, and I am certain you will see it too. So I leave you, firstly, something to think about: Even some butterflies are poisonous. The world is so much darker than you think, but holds beauty you cannot even begin to imagine. So I hope you take to heart my warning to be tough, but never rough. To be quick but never dismissive. To be upfront but never horrid. To be blunt but never enjoy the pain. To fight harder, tougher, longer, stronger, smarter and with wit, more than anyone else in the universe, but never forget your heart and those you shelter in it. You are my daughter in soul. You have made me so proud already. And, with every expectation you will be the bluntest, sharpest, prettiest woman to rule the world, I leave you my fortune, my home, my villa, my boat, my car and every asset and net worth to my name, including all the royalties from my work to receive upon your eighteenth birthday. Don’t spent it all at once.”

Stephanie tried to memorise his words. She wanted to make him so proud. She nodded at the man to continue before her relative could make an argument.

“And finally, to my dearest friend Skulduggery Pleasant, some more advice, though I know there isn’t much more to give. Use your eyes. I know what you need and want, and it is all in front of you. Grasp it and never let go. Take it down kicking and screaming. And remember, my niece is a lot more hard-headed than you think. I leave you sole custody of her to raise as your own and to take on as many adventures as you can. She will be the Dead Men’s prodigy. The greatest force this world has seen. She’ll need her brothers-in-arms to make it through this world. She loves you all so much.”

The man lowered the paper and Stephanie stared at the man in shock. All of them were staring at her. The minutes dragged on. Fergus and Beryl launched out their seats and slammed the door behind them at some point. The will-reader left too and Stephanie could only stare at the wall.

“Well, that happened,” she said quietly, looking slowly at Crow who was standing in the corner. Crow. Skulduggery Pleasant. “Hi.”

Panda stood up slowly and stood behind Crow. He placed his scared hand on his shoulder. “Congratulations. It’s a girl.”

Wolf jumped her and pulled her into a hug. “I have a sister! I always wanted one. How did Gordon know?”

“Gordon’s pretty great like that,” she murmured. “I should probably – I don’t – I’m sorry.”

She felt the first tear fall down her cheek and had almost made it to the door when thin arms wrapped around her and pulled her into a wide, cold chest. She tried not to sob.

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” he whispered to her.

She hugged him back and finally, after a week of numbness, the sobbing came.

He carried her to the car and set her in bed after she had passed out, exhausted.

[blackypanther9]

Part 58 - The Magical book of Death

Warning !: Crossover with another existence !! Long chapter (Over 3 000 words) ! Enjoy !

You and Loki rode for a few hours through villages and a bit of forests. The forests were little and not really big and amazing, but they still looked beautiful. Soon you led Loki into a huge, deep, never - ending forest. You two rode for another 30 minutes, reaching a very deep place in the never - ending forest.

You halted and Loki did the same. You dismounted your horse first, Loki was doing the same a second later.

"Alright...what now ?", Loki asked you.

You pointed at a huge rock. It was so big, that it could make a cave of some sort.

"We need to find the entrance into this rock. Then we can continue our journey.", you answered him.

Loki nodded in understanding and began to search with you. 12 minutes later you found the entrance.

"Loki !! I found it !!", you yelled.

Loki came rushing to you. You pointed at the entrance.

"It is here and I know how to get access.", you told him smugly.

"Well then, how do we get in ?"

"Easy. Give me your hand."

Loki gave you his hand. Not a second later he hissed in pain. You sliced his palm open and then dragged him to a part of the rock, sliding Loki's hand on it and smearing his blood on it. The entrance opened after that. Loki tore his hand back.

"You could have warned me !", Loki hissed.

"I could have, but would you have agreed ?", you asked him bored.

"....No...", Loki admitted.

"See ? Then were was the point in telling or warning you ?", you huffed out.

You snapped your hands and created a flame in your hand. Then you turned to Loki.

"Let's go."

Loki nodded and followed you, creating himself a flame with a snap of his fingers.

"Any traps ?", Loki asked her cautiously.

"Nope !", you said popping the 'p'.

Loki looked confused.

"Why not ? Any tasks ?"

You huffed out in annoyance.

"No Loki. I don't know, Loki. Shut up Loki. We will see, Loki."

Loki fell silent after that. _________________________________________

You came to a dead end. Loki made a frustrated sound and threw his arms up in anger.

"All this walking around for hours, for nothing !! Great !!", he yelled.

You looked around, rolling your eyes at the Diva called Loki Laufeyson.

"You should have been more careful and put traps here ! Or impossible tasks ! Just SOMETHING !!!", he rambled on.

You felt magic in the air and concentrated. After a few seconds you stepped back in utter shock and awe.

"Now we have to search in whole Asgard to find that damn boo-!!"

"A Portal...", you interrupted Loki's rambling, with awe.

Loki stopped and stared at you.

"What ?", he asked in confusion.

You turned to Loki.

"Loki, the helmet and the book aren't here ! They are through that Portal !"

"What Portal ?"

"It is right in front of us ! We just can't see it !"

Loki looked at you in awe. You swallowed and then went into the Portal. As you stepped out of it, you weren't in the cave anymore, or anywhere near Asgard ! You were in another Dimension. And as you looked around and at yourself, you knew where the heck you were at. Let us just say, you were NOT amused.

"Oh, you've gotta be shittin' me...", you mumbled.

"What is this place ? I have never seen something like this before...", Loki's voice appeared.

You jumped up in the air and looked then at Loki.

"Damn Loki ! Don't sneak up on me !!", you huffed out.

Loki smiled at you mischievously. But it quickly turned into a look of utter shock.

"D-Destiny ?", he asked in utter shock.

You looked at yourself again and huffed out an annoyed noise.

"Yes, it is I, Loki.", you answered him.

"Where are we ?", he asked again.

"In another Dimension. Another existence. No Avengers, no Gods, no Nine Realms."

"Does this 'Dimension' have a name ?", Loki asked a bit skeptical.

"It has many names, but its actual name is 'Skulduggery Pleasant'. We are in another magical Dimension...And I am a male in here. Name is Erskin Hollow."

(Character doesn't really exist in the books, owner of them is Derek Landy ! I just lend it for the story.)

"That is why you look and sound like a male !"

"Yeah, well, I left that Dimension just like that. I play with the true Erskin Hollow a game with my Father. Bruh."

You looked around again and then groaned.

"No ! Why the fuck me ?!", you cursed.

"What is it ?"

"We got spotted by Skulduggery and Valkyrie. Fuck...", you cursed.

"Valkyrie ?", Loki asked in shock.

"Not that kind of Valkyrie ! It is just her name, she gave herself. Her full self - given name is Valkyrie Cain."

"Given name ?"

"You have a lot to learn... Just don't tell them your name."

"Why ?"

"I will explain later.", you whispered into his ear.

"Erskin ! I was starting to think that you didn't want to help us.", Skulduggery said.

(For people who don't know about the books and characters, that is Skulduggery Pleasant. Pics don't belong to me ! Just lending them !)

(That is Valkyrie Cain)

You laughed and stretched out your arms.

"Why would you think that, Skul, old friend ? You know me."

He crocked his head to the right lightly.

"I do not.", he said.

You played the hurt person.

"Ouch. Now you hurt me.", you joked.

Loki looked totally pale and looked at you in utter shock.

"I-is that really a living skeleton ?", he asked in horror.

"Yep ! He is Skulduggery Pleasant. Is a skeleton now for a few hundrets of years. He died in a war and came back as they were about to lose the war. Long story said in short.", you explained.

"A new Magician ?", Valkyrie asked.

You nodded and shook your head.

"Kinda and then again kinda not. He is gifted with Magic since childhood and trained with it, but he is...not from around our world, so to say.", you tried to explain.

"Alright, what is going on ?", Skulduggery asked you.

You scratched your neck in discomfort.

"Let us talk in a safe place, please ?", you asked them.

Skulduggery and Valkyrie looked around and then nodded. Skul pointed at a black car.

(Bentley of Skulduggery)

"Let us hopp into the Bentley then. We will go to Ghastly's place.", he said.

"Okay.", you responded.

"Do we have to go ?", Loki whispered into your ear in fear.

"We have to. Do not worry. They are all nice as long as you are not a threat.", you told him.

He hushed you.

"They will hear us. Don't be so loud.", he whisper - hissed at you.

"I can still hear you.", Skulduggery said.

You chuckled as Loki looked at him in utter horror.

"What did you think of a dead man ? He is a skeleton that can talk, move, think, hear and act like a living person. He can hear every little rustle of paper.", you told him chuckling.

Loki was as white as a corpse at that. You laughed at his shocked face, it looked like he will black out any moment. Reminds you on Valkyrie's and Skulduggery's second meeting as she fell into a black out in utter shock. A skeleton was in her house, saving her life from another dangerous man of his world that then soon became her world too. Madness of the finest kind.

You and Loki hopped into the Bentley at the backseats and Valkyrie was in the passenger seat. Skulduggery was the driver.

"How can he see ?", Loki asked you hushed.

"Magic, boy.", Skulguggery answered him.

Loki looked at him weirdly.

"Magic can't do that. Not from where I am from.", Loki told them.

"Well here it can. Thanks to Magic I can do all of this.", Skulduggery answered back simply.

"What are you by the way ? Are you an Elemental Magician, Teleporter, Vampire, Monster, Banshee, Necromancer, Wizard, Warlock or an Alchemist ?", Valkyrie asked Loki.

Loki stared at her in utter shock and then at you.

"I...I don't know...", he mumbled.

"You trained with your Magic since you were a child and you don't know what kind of Magician you are ? That is something new.", Skulduggery mumbled impressed.

"Ever heard of Seidr, Skul ?", you asked him.

"Se...what ?", he asked you confused.

"Seidr. That is his Magic."

He was silent for a while.

"No I do not, Erskin. Interesting...A new kind of Magic..."

"From where I come from Seidr is not easy to have and to use. It took me hundreds of years to be what I am now. Seidr is also choosing the one who is worthy of it. I was worthy of it and my Mother chose to share her knowledge with me about it, because she also owned it. Just me and my Mother own Seidr in my home."

Skulduggery nodded and hummed at that.

"Interesting...", he mumbled.

"Wait ! Seidr ?! That sounds like Norse Mythology ! Wait I will search it up !", Valkyrie said.

A few seconds later she cheered.

"I found it !"

"Then start, Valkyrie.", you and Skulduggery said.

"Seidr is a rare kind of very powerful Magic. The only people who own it are the Gods named: Sigyn, Frigga/Frigg and Loki. Frigga is the Goddess of Wedding and Family, Loki is the God of Mischief and Lies and Sigyn is the Goddess of Victory."

"Interesting...", mumbled Skulduggery.

"Don't tell me that his name is Loki.", Valkyrie said.

You chuckled.

"Maybe, maybe not. Maybe he will call himself like that."

"That would be cool."

'Don't call yourself that. That is already your given name and would do no help in keeping you safe', you thought to Loki.

'I do not understand what is going on here...'

'You will find out in a few minutes. Trust me.'

Loki nodded and then was quiet. _________________________________________

They stopped and Loki looked around in disgust. This place looked filthy.

"Where are we ?", Loki asked.

"At our destination.", you answered him.

"And WHERE is that ?", Loki asked clearer.

"Bespoke Tailors."

"This place looks awful.", Loki commented.

"It is planned like that, so Mortal's don't plan to explore this little village.", you explained.

"Oh."

"Don't stare, by the way. Ghastly Bespoke is...not really pretty. To put it nicely."

"He is plain ugly. He looks like an absolute horror character.", Skulduggery said.

Loki looked at you scared.

"He is not that bad. Skulduggery is joking. His whole head is covered in scars tho. It doesn't look pretty. It was a curse and nothing helped to get it away from him. His Mother was cursed and it went over to Ghastly."

"Nothing helped ?", he repeated in a question.

"Nothing helped.", you nodded.

"Oh dear..."

They then walked into the shop and you smiled. Ghastly was a good friend of yours.

A man came from the backroom and smiled.

"Erskin, Skulduggery, Valkyrie ! Nice to see you again !", a man, covered in scars, greeted them.

"Heya Ghastly !", you greeted.

(I guess you can read the most important informatons on this picture.)

"What do you need ?", he asked you and the rest.

"We need to talk.", you told him and the rest.

"Alright. Then take a seat."

You and the others went to the couch and sat down.

"Alright. What is going on ?", Valkyrie asked you and Loki again.

"Well...He is from another Dimension. I once told you about the job I have. So you can imagine.", you explained awkwardly.

"He is from another Dimension, another existence ?", Ghastly asked to clarify.

"Yep. Pretty much."

"Why is he here with you then ?", Skulduggery asked.

"We search a certain book and a helmet that belonged to Destiny Andrea Dust."

Skulduggery and Ghastly stiffened.

"She was also doing that thing ?", they asked.

"She did. Now it is me."

'Why are you lying to them ?'

'Because I died here a long time ago and it is not their time to know the truth.'

Loki was quiet again.

"Who is Destiny ?", Valkyrie asked.

"Skulduggery's dead daughter.", you answered.

"What ?! But you told me that you just had a son !"

"I did. Destiny was Genderfluid. She had her days of being she/her and the next day it was just he/him and the name was Heiko. Because she mostly was a he, I decided to stay with the term son.", Skulduggery explained.

'That is...'

'Deep ?', you asked Loki.

'Scary...'

'In every Dimension I am different with the others. Here I am Genderfluid and in your Dimension I am gifted with more than one personality. Easy.'

"So she was kind of a Transgender ?", Valkyrie asked.

"No. A Transgender complains about being born in the wrong body. A Genderfluid has kind of two gender personalities. There are many other words to call such people. But some days they want to have the pronounces of she/her and on other day it is he/him. And sometimes it is none and just they/them. Because both gender personalities are in control.", you explained.

"Oh..."

"Yep. Sometimes they are either gay, straight or lesbian. Sounds weird, but it is like that."

"Oh my god..."

"Anyway ! We drift off of the topic at hand ! The reason I am searching these things !"

"Go on...", Ghastly said.

"Well, in his Dimension we have a lot of troubles and the book, we search, would help us to avoid a terrible fate."

"You need help ?", Valkyrie offered.

"Well, I know where it is already. I just need a lot of skill, to get on it.", you laughed nervously.

"Well then good luck, Erskin.", Skulduggery said.

"Thanks. You too on your case. As soon as I have the book and saved some ass I will return and help. I promise. Bye !"

With that you teleported yourself and Loki away into a forest. You huffed.

"Okay...That was close.", you said.

"Close ?"

"Skulduggery and Valkyrie love mysteries. Finding and destroying artifacts are one of their other hobbies and they are friends with someone called China Sorrows. She is a collector and she would be after that book and even worse, she would try and use its powers. Nope. Not happening. Now come and follow me."

Loki nodded and followed you. The deeper you went into the forest, the more Loki felt watched and in danger.

"Where are we going ?", he asked.

"To a cursed part of this forest. There we will find, what we came for."

Loki's eyes widened like dinner plates on Asgard.

"What ?!", Loki whisper - yelled.

"Just a few angered skeleton ghosts, Zombies and other scary things. You will be fine.", you cheered him up.

Loki laughed darkly.

"Yeah, because I fought such things once before and totally know them !", he said sarcastically.

"Good. Then one more reason to not be surprised and worried.", you said happily.

Loki looked at you in disbelief.

"You know that I wasn't serious, right ?", Loki growled out.

You stopped and turned around, looking at him in shock.

"You joked ? Why would you joke about such a thing ?", you said in mock - shock.

Loki didn't hear the mocking and joking tho.

"No ! I have no idea !"

"Loki, I know. Just stay near me and do the same as I do. You will be fine."

Then you and Loki continued. Loki grumbling behind you. _________________________________________

You were on the run.

(belongs to SMG4 sound Library)

"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT !!!", you yelled the curse and ran with Loki for your lives.

Everything was chasing you two. Why ? Because Loki had to be an idiot.

"I TOLD YOU TO NOT TOUCH THAT FLOWER !! WHY DID YOU DO THAT LOKI ?!", you yelled at him.

"I WASN'T THINKING THAT IT WAS SOMETHING DANGEROUS !!"

"YOU IDIOT !!!" _________________________________________

You closed the entrance you finally found of the hidden place of your helmet and the book. You turned around and glared at the panting Loki.

"The next time you listen to me !! I know more of this Dimension than you ! I had to face everything here ! You don't know anything about this place !", you scolded him angered.

Loki looked away from you and down at the floor in shame.

"I am sorry... I was too curious..."

"Curiosity here is death. Now let's move. I want to go back home, before you get us both killed by accident.", you told him softer and helped him up.

"Okay...I am sorry still...", he mumbled softly.

You sighed.

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that we are still alive.", you tried to cheer him up.

Then you grabbed his hand and led him behind you, pulling him along to the helmet and book. _________________________________________

Soon you were in another chamber. A HUGE chamber. A silver light shone onto something shiny. You and Loki went closer and you smiled softly at what you saw.

"My helmet !", you said relieved.

"And there is the book !", Loki cheered.

You looked to his right and then saw it too.

"Yes ! We made it. As soon as we have them, I can teleport us back."

Loki wanted to run to grab the book.

"WAIT !!"

Loki stopped dead in his tracks.

"We have to pull them off of their places at the same time and quickly teleport. Here are traps everywhere. Ready to murder us if needed !"

Loki nodded and ran to the book. Having a hold of it. You grabbed your old helmet and then counted to three.

"1 !"

Loki got more ready, like you did.

"2 !"

You both broke a sweat already.

"3 !"

And you both pulled the item you held to yourselves fastly. The ground began to shake violently.

"LOKI !!! GET HERE NOW !!", you yelled in utter panic.

You both had to leave and that fast ! Loki ran to you, the ground giving in behind him. He pulled you into a tight hug, having a firm grip on the book and you quickly opened a portal below yourselves and you both fell through it. Loki let go of you, without even wanting it.

"AAAAAAHHHH !!!", Loki screamed first.

"AAAAAAAHHHH !!!", you screamed too.

Suddenly there was ground and you turned yourself around and Loki did the same, so you will land on your backs.

You firstly collided with the floor.

"OOF !!", it knocked the wind out of your lungs.

Loki collided next.

"ARGH !!", he yelled in pain as he landed.

You both tried to catch your breath after that and stayed on the floor. Loki hugged the book tightly and you the helmet.

Soon you both got up and you looked at the book. Loki just then realized that you looked again like the person, he was friends with. He and you were back in his Dimension.

"We did it...We got the second book, Loki !", you cheered.

Loki smiled in triumph. Then the smile disappeared.

"Where are we ?", he asked in confusion.

You also looked around. Your eyes soon widened.

"Oh no...", you whispered.

Part 59

Masterlist with all Chapters of this Story click here !  

[talk-less-smilemore]

The Exigency Programme

Guild makes an offer.

Most of the Dead Men refuse.

One tries to teach himself impulse control.

(Based off of @edwardssallow 's aesthetic about the Exigency Programme) - link to AO3 in the post below this one.

“This is war we’re talking about, boys.” Guild sneers at them. “You know what war entails, don’t you?”

Pleasant looks at him steadily. None of the Dead Men say anything, most of them staring devotedly at the floor or each other, and that makes Guild a little uneasy, although he’s doing his best not to show it. Pleasant has angry eyes - a gaze that blazes like a fire never to go out, torching everything in its path. And Shudder, at the opposite end of the spectrum, is far too calm, the sea rolling gently into shore with reason and logic against his blind fury, soft, gentle.

Beside him, Bespoke clears his throat. “We don’t do those kinds of things, Grand Mage.” He says: steadfast. Determined. Stubborn? “And we won’t. Even with all your wheedling.”

“Your skills sets-”

“No.” Pleasant cuts in, eyes narrowing. “Sabotage, assassinations? Don’t even think about it. We aren’t going to deal in the dirty work, no matter how much you’re paying.”

They move away as one, past Guild, Pleasant in the lead and Bespoke last. He doesn’t try to stop them.

“You think you’re better than us, boys.” He calls as a last resort, without turning around, although Shudder does, and he can feel him staring, those cold eyes burning into the back of his head, freezing him on the spot. It makes the hair on his arms stand on end, reminding him just how violent the sea can be in a storm.

“That’s just because the Dead Men are exactly what Mevolent is building too. A straightforward, soldier-only programme. You think you don’t need sink low enough to deal with the nasty jobs.”

“Well, you’re wrong.” Dexter says, and Hopeless nods along.

“The Exigency Programme is exactly the same. You just can’t see it yet.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And yet, Ravel finds himself striding through the streets of Dublin not a month later, his hands caked in blood that isn’t his; not literally, of course - he’s far too good a killer to be messy like that; but he has the feeling everybody can see it on him anyway. He’s marked. An exquisite Bentley pulls up next to him and someone gets out.

“Get in.” Skulduggery says. Erskine stops walking and doesn't move, and he rounds the car and looks down at him. “Ravel. Get in the car.” He looks up at Skulduggery, and Pleasant looks sad, and Ravel feels powerful. “You aren’t going to walk home like this. Get. In. The car.”

“What do you want me to say? I’m sorry?” Erskine retaliates suddenly. “He’s dead now.” Skulduggery recoils like he’s shot him.

“You don’t get to be sorry.” He hisses. “Not now. How could you, Erskine? Why would you?”

“He came to me, outside of the exigency programme. And he paid me.” He answers flippantly. “He paid me well.”

“You did this for money?”

“We need it.”

“No, we don’t.”

“Yes, we do. Have you even thought about life after all this? About what we’re going to do? We have nothing. Nobody has a plan yet. Nobody has anything.” Erskine almost spits, just about containing his fury. At who? At himself, for giving in? At Pleasant, for not understanding?

“We have each other. You don’t have to run around killing people because someone asked you to!”

“That’s what war is, Skulduggery.”

“Not like that.” He shoots back.

“I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

“Well, I don’t, so you’re going to have to explain. To me or to all of them, and I doubt you want Hopeless to know.” Ravel hesitates, and Skulduggery clenches his fists by his side. “I’m not ready to discuss that with you.”

“I’m not arguing about this.” He says, fire flaring up involuntarily in his hands.

“Then don’t.” Erskine says, calmly dousing his inferno, and walks away. Skulduggery watches him go. Ravel counts to three in his head.

“Wait.” Pleasant says eventually, but his voice hasn’t lost that bitter edge yet. Erskine stops, turns to look at him. Even from a few paces away, he still has to look up to see his face. The fire burns bright in his hands. “I want to know who it was.”

“A man called Aristotle.”

“The philosopher?”

“If philosophers make magic-cancelling bombs, then yes.”

“Who else?”

“Nobody else.” He says softly. “Not yet, anyway. Guild sends me the contracts if and when he needs them done. That’s our deal. You don’t have to be involved at all.”

“That’s not my point.” Ravel waits for him to explain what his point is. “You went against us deliberately. You know how adamant we all were about not becoming assassins.”

“I told you, I’m not part of the fucking exigency programme!” He spits, then hesitates. “We can’t win the war without killing these people. Can you imagine Dexter without his energy beams? Hopeless without his illusions? He’d be devastated. He’d never be able to go out in public again. And there was no way of telling if Aristotle’s inventions were permanent. Or what else he was working on. And eventually…” He trails off.

“Eventually?” Erskine doesn't answer, nodding to an open window. “Get in the car.” Ravel looks at him, and after a moment, opens the door and slides into the passenger seat. Skulduggery follows suit, gets in without looking over at him, guns the engine, starts driving.

“Eventually I’m going to get evidence that proves Guild is working for Mevolent.”

“And what if he asks you to kill one of us, ah? What if he turns around and shows you a file full of evidence that, I don’t know, Ghastly is secretly making rockets to fly the War to the moon, or Anton is hiding an entire camp of Mevolent’s soldiers right next door to the Sanctuary, or Dexter is wandering around with a folder full of all our tactics and secrets? What then?”

“Guild wouldn’t try to recruit all of us if he wasn’t expecting us to say no. He had a plan.”

“Did he blackmail you?”

“No.”

“I’m still angry at you.”

“I know. And I know how difficult it’s going to be for me to get you to understand that this is necessary.”

“I understand that perfectly. It’s going to be difficult for me to understand why you lied to us, and why you’re going to ignore me and do it again.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You know it.”

“Well, do you really want me to stop?”

Skulduggery hesitates. “No.” His hands go slack on the wheel.

“Pull over, Skulduggery.” Erskine says softly, and he does. They share a look.

“I know that what you're doing is going to help us. Fuck, you might even assassinate Mevolent one day. But that doesn’t mean I agree with the morality of it. You can’t be a good person if you’ve killed that many people.”

“I know.” Ravel whispers. “I know I can’t.”

There's a pause, and then Pleasant asks, “What’s your evidence so far?”

“Nothing concrete. Telegrams, informants. That sort of stuff.”

“Hmm.” He says. There’s another quiet.

“Do the others know?” Erskine asks softly. Skulduggery shakes his head.

“I’m not going to tell them.”

“Why?” He’s surprised.

“Despite it all, Erskine… You are one of us, and I trust you.” Years in the future, he will regret these words. They are scorched into his soul. “Even though I don’t. I don’t know. I’m confused, and I’m so angry at you. I’m angry at myself for not appreciating that you don’t have a choice, not really. Not if you don't want Guild to come after us.” It is his fault. He let Ravel kill. He let it continue. He gave him a taste for blood.

“And that’s alright. You can be angry. What you shouldn’t be is downright unreasonable.”

“Yeah.” He hesitates. “They noticed you were missing, though. I think we can pull off a drunk act, don't you?”

“Absolutely.” Erskine clears his throat. “Now get out of the car.” They’re at the camp, and he clears his throat again and sways in his seat. Skulduggery wanders round and pulls him out, holds him by the collar.

“Found him.” He nods to the others as they approach.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Ghastly sighs and sits heavily on a log. “Where was he?”

“As I was a goin’ over the far famed Kerry mountains!” Ravel shouts, breaking free and stumbling towards Larrikin. He grabs for the bottle in his hand and drinks heavily, and Larrikin bursts out laughing, continuing the song.

“I met with captain Farrell and his money he was counting!”

“Dublin.” Pleasant sighs.

“I first produced my pistol and I then produced my rapier…”

“Saying ‘Stand and deliver’ for he were a bold deceiver.”

“Hello! I think that’s enough!” Anton snatches the bottle away, giving him a scathing glare. Ravel wonders if the Gist can see the blood on his hands.

“Okay, bed.” Bespoke stands and catches his arm as he sways dramatically.

“Gladly.” Erskine mumbles, closing his eyes and going limp against him suddenly.

“I’m not fooled.” Ghastly whispers as he lays him in the tent. “I know exactly how much alcohol is in your blood and it’s a good job the others are far too drunk to notice.” Fucking elementals. “I don’t agree with what you’re doing. But it’s necessary.”

“I wish Skulduggery thought so too.” Erskine murmurs back, and years in the future, wonders what was true in his own mind.

[eyesocketsandsuits]

Tell Me Your Future ; or, Preservation

Prompt: "Don't get my car dirty. Humour and smut would be great? Go wild."

Euphemisms not used: velvet gash, love tunnel, vertical scowl, and my favorite, spasm chasm.

well, i did say i would be the person to write skeleton porn lmao

On AO3. On FFn. 

The mud squelched under Valkyrie's boots. She was doing one better than Skulduggery. The entirety of Skulduggery's being squelched.

"Stop it," Skulduggery said.

"I'm not doing anything."

"I know you might not believe it, me having no eyeballs, but I do, actually, see the stupid smile on your face."

Valkyrie sucked on her lips to stop herself from smiling. It didn't work.

"That didn't work. I can still, still see your smile."

Valkyrie hopped over a particularly large puddle. "I was just thinking…"

"Please enlighten me."

"Are you sure?"

"Please enlighten me before I turn around and murder everyone."

Valkyrie swung her arms. "Alright, okay, if you're sure. I was just thinking that—well, more like wondering, how you can see."

Skulduggery looked at her.

Valkyrie grinned at him. "How you can see with all that mud in your eye sockets?"

Skulduggery's hand flew up to his face. He flicked his wrist and a glob of mud floated out of his face. He flicked his wrist again and the blob of mud soared off over the moor.

"You know," Skulduggery said. "There really is no other environment—ecosystem, perhaps—worse than a moor. It's all mud and grass and swamp. And even swampland has more life than this barren, inhospitable wasteland. It's just worms and rot and mummified rats—"

"You're really torn up that a bunch of old hags threw you around their swamp, huh?"

"Hags, that's a beautiful word for them. Although, as I'm sure you're well aware, they're just an extreme version of sensitives. Old followers of Delphi, but how they ended up in this—" Skulduggery sank knee-deep into a mud puddle, "—this blasted swamp is absolutely beyond me!"

Valkyrie grinned at him.

"You're not considering joining those lunatics, are you?" Skulduggery attempted to lift the mud and swamp from his pant leg, but was clearly having trouble.

"No, of course not. I quite like bras and clothes and all that. However, I am flattered they asked. No one has ever asked me to join them before. I had to force you to let me tag along. I had to threaten you."

"You threatened my hat."

"Which is the same thing. But these gals?"

"Hags."

"These gals invited me to join their weird, naked cult because they said I would be good at it."

Skulduggery walked on in silence for a few steps. He slipped into another puddle and cursed again. "Bloody swamp. Did they agree, by the way? I was too busy being thrown around to hear."

"Oh, yeah, they agreed."

"Excellent. Nothing worse than having a bunch of police men disappearing in this swamp. Again."

"Do you think it's real, by the way?"

Skulduggery laughed. "Do I think looking at the mummified bodies of men predicts the future? Do I think their spirits whisper to those lunatics about the future based on their past? I think Delphi got high on cave fumes."

"Very pissed off you got thrown around the swamp, huh?"

"Finally."

The car loomed out of the mist and mire.

Valkyrie's car, because Skulduggery had been convinced the tires couldn't take the drive there. It was mainly dirt roads—and the Bentley had gone through worse—but towards the end of the journey, it had been purely off-road.

Of course, now there were rocks and all sorts of shit in Valkyrie's wheels.

Skulduggery reached for the driver's side door.

Valkyrie felt her heart leap into her throat. "Hey."

Skulduggery froze instantly. "Yes?"

"Don't get in my car dirty."

Skulduggery looked at her and tilted his head. "I lifted most of the dirt off."

"But not all of it, right? You still reek, no offense."

"How could I possibly take offense to you calling me a disgusting heathen, dear?"

"Oh, come on, I didn't go that far. You're not a heathen, just covered in mud and I really don't want to clean the interior of my car on top of fishing out pebbles from my suspension. Just strip."

Skulduggery tilted his head like he was thinking about a puzzle.

Valkyrie threw her hands in the air. "There's no one around for kilometers, and it'll be dark by the time we get back, no one will see, and then I won't have to spend all day cleaning tomorrow so you won't get to mope like you do and monolog."

"I don't monolog."

"But!" Valkyrie pointed at him. "You do deflect. Strip, Mr. Bones."

"Very well, Ms. Cain."

Valkyrie rested her chin on the top of her car and watched as Skulduggery loosened his tie. He held it out at arm's length and let it drop to the ground.

"Spiteful, Mr. Pleasant."

"I'm no such thing."

"Masochistic."

Skulduggery undid his cufflinks and shrugged out of his suit jacket. "Says the woman forcing a defenseless skeleton to strip. My natural modesty is under fire, Ms. Cain."

He hesitated, just for a second, before he unbuttoned his dress shirt. Valkyrie let out an appreciative noise from the back of her throat.

"Stop that," Skulduggery said, neutral, deep.

"I did nothing. Pants, come on now."

Skulduggery loosened his belt and let his pants fall.

"No boxers?"

"There isn't much point, is there?"

Valkyrie drank in the sight of Skulduggery. He so rarely let her look at him without a suit, she almost forgot what he looked like, sometimes. The curve of his spine, the sharp points of his ribs, the shoulder joints held aloft by magic, magic, magic.

Skulduggery's body was still, trying to hide his body language, and he reached down and scooped up his clothing. He folded them as he walked to the boot of the car and opened it. Valkyrie watched his long legs move, the femur in the socket, the tarsal bones in his feet slide and shift to help him keep balance.

Valkyrie liked his feet, the magnetic dance of the bones there.

But all too quickly, he slid into the driver' seat of her car.

Valkyrie let her head loll back as she heaved a sigh and followed him into the car.

Skulduggery started the car and began to drive. "Has anyone ever told you you're a pervert, Ms. Cain?"

"I think the word for it is necrophilia." Valkyrie shrugged, casual as can be, yes sir. "Though you call yourself a dead man, I don't think it's the right for it—"

"Objectophilia."

Valkyrie looked at him, then. "You're not an object."

"I'm a display model."

"A sexy display model."

Valkyrie reached over and rested her hand on his femur.

Skulduggery looked down.

"Eyes on the road, Mr. Pleasant."

Skulduggery's head snapped up accordingly.

"There isn't a road, Ms. Cain. It's just grass, well, it's just marsh, so it's grass over water, and I really do hope we don't get stuck in a sink hole, because then your transmission is going to flood and I—"

Valkyrie slid her hand farther up his femur.

"—and I have absolutely no clue on how to fix that, so we'll have to call a tow truck, and I'm going to have one fun time either explaining why I'm A, a talking skeleton, or B, why my suit is both wrinkled and covered in mud."

Valkyrie's hand had made it up to the hip join. Her fingers played around the joint, casually on his iliac crest, the pitted surface.

"Actually, it's quite incredible how, despite once owning a model-T, I still have very little understanding of much of the machinery that makes up the modern day horse, beyond a basic understanding—"

Valkyrie's pinkie edged its way to his pubis symphysis.

"—and I truly do think many of the magical advancements—and mechanical—I've added to the Bentley has hindered my understanding of the—my ribs, please."

Valkyrie smiled at him and moved her fingers to his ribs. This is where most of his scars were, and where he was most sensitive. Feather light, her fingers traced over the gouges. She scooted closer to him, one hand reaching into the dip of his pelvis to run her fingers over his sacrum, the fused vertebrae, the other on his ribs.

His chin dipped to his clavicle, and Valkyrie realized he had stopped driving the car.

His head rolled to look at her. "You really are incredible, did you know that?"

"Yes."

Skulduggery moaned.

Valkyrie watched intently at the way his legs twitched under her ministrations. "Does that feel good?"

"Yes."

"Tell me. Talk to me." She let her fingers trail down the tips of his ribs, then trailed along one of the small ones toward the bottom.

"Different than to how I was when I was alive. Better, because it's recent, because you know how it works, because you want to touch me, I don't want it to stop, because I'm so used to only feeling the worse sort of sensations that your fingers make me feel good, make me feel alive."

Valkyrie felt herself getting wet from his words. "Can you cum?"

"No, but I can make you cum. Put your seat down."

Valkyrie did as she was asked, one hand struggling with her belt as her other one fumbled for the latch to the seat. Finally, her head sank back, and then Skulduggery was clambering over her like a spider.

One arm supported Skulduggery's weight above her while his other hand slid into her pants. He laughed against her neck. "I see you're not a fan of underwear, either."

Valkyrie bucked her hips. "All the easier for you, Mr. Pleasant."

"How thoughtful of you."

Skulduggery rubbed his knuckles against her clit. "Although, this discovery has me wondering if this whole attempt on my modesty was something planned in advanced. But you wouldn't do that, would you, Valkyrie?"

His knuckles rubbed together on either side of her clit. She could feel how wet she was and was almost embarrassed because he had hardly touched her, but his voice and his fingers and—

"Would you, Valkyrie?"

"Maybe. I might," she moaned, hardly hearing her words.

"Oh, yes, I figured as much. You're always trying to get me out of my impeccably tailored suits, aren't you? And touching me because you know how good I am at touching you."

He slipped one finger into her. Valkyrie felt herself clench around him.

"You're very wet. You know, for all my shyness, it turns me on that you find me attractive. It turns me on that you get this wet from touching me."

He withdrew and then put two fingers inside her.

"I like the way your breath hitches every time I move around you, near you, in you. I like the way your hips move with my fingers, the way you throw your head back, the way you tilt your head to listen to my words, the way you mouth my name, that you don't even notice all these things you do as I finger you."

Skulduggery's thumb moved up to rub her clit as he massaged his fingers inside of her. Valkyrie clenched again and felt the sensation start to build with every touch. She felt her face flush and she let out little moans with each shallow breath she took.

She spread her legs more, trying to give him better access, to make the feeling come quicker, so that she didn't lose it, oh God, oh God oh god

Valkyrie moaned and leaned forward as she came, her cheek pressed against Skulduggery's clavicle. Waves of the orgasm pulsed through her as she cried out against Skulduggery.

Valkyrie blinked dreamily up at Skulduggery. "That felt super good."

"Naturally."

"Another reason I wouldn't join those witches—I like orgasms too much."

"You could still have orgasms." Skulduggery gently removed his fingers from her.

"Yeah but I like how you finger me. And, like, I guess I like you."

Skulduggery suddenly leaned down and pressed his teeth against Valkyrie's lips. He kissed her. He gave her a kiss on the lips.

Valkyrie grabbed his head and pressed more kisses against his teeth, laughing. "You in a good mood now?" she said in-between kisses. "You feeling better from you ass kicking earlier? Happy now? Hm?"

"Deliriously happy."

[winters-cursed-king]

Skulduggery Pleasant High-School AU

Yeah, may or may not have just re-ignited my love of Skulduggery Pleasant, so you’re gonna have to bear with me. 

So, imagine them all attending this boarding school 

I don’t even have a name for it, so whatever 

Valkyrie, Tanith, China and Clarabelle share a dorm 

It’s volatile to say the least 

And China’s bunk is scary tidy 

Valkyrie and Tanith’s are both messy, but navigatible 

But I think a bomb exploded on Clarabelle’s 

And they keep getting in trouble because Valkyrie and Tanith play music way too loud at 2am 

And there is two resident rocks 

They’re Clarabelle’s pets 

And China is constantly shaking her head 

Their class tries to elect a class president 

And everyone votes for Erskine Ravel 

And he can’t even begin to see why 

But after a lot of pestering, he agrees 

But only in Ghastly can be second in command 

Which is technically against the rules 

But since when have the Dead Men cared about rules? 

But the class keeps insisting it’s unfair

So he picks a girl at random 

And it ends up being that creepy goth girl that sits at the back of the class

Oh, and Dr Nye is the creepy science teacher 

Saracen Rue is a nightmare in Health (Sex Ed with extra) 

And Anton keeps whacking him over the head with a book

Wreath somehow got sucked into the creepy goth group 

Skulduggery says it’s not surprising 

Serpine and Vengeous are bullies 

No one likes them very much 

Saracen Rue and China Sorrows know all the gossip 

Though no one’s 100% sure how Saracen finds out all that stuff

Everyone is scared of Anton Shudder 

Even though he wouldn’t hurt a fly 

And half the boys like Tanith 

The other half are scared of her 

She’s like, half-initiated into the Dead Men 

Scapegrace is the class idiot who annoys everyone 

But he thinks he’s amazing 

And Thrasher is, somehow, even dumber 

Anton Shudder is the guy that’s always in his PE gear 

No matter what 

And he keeps getting in trouble for it 

But he just consistently “forgets”

Saracen Rue finds each and every excuse to not do PE

Or his homework 

And somehow, they all work 

Wreath always does his homework, always pays attention, tries to help everyone (he fails) 

But everyone hates him anyway

Sanguine thinks he’s super cool and really hot 

But everyone just thinks he’s gross

Everyone thinks Fletcher is hilarious 

He never does his homework 

And spends the entire class on his phone 

And gets in so much trouble for his hair 

But he does not even slightly care 

Skulduggery is definitely the guy that gets in trouble for his hair being too long

So he shaves it all off

And Ghastly asking Tanith to the ball is the cutest thing

[hoe-for-skulduggery]

Part 1 here

Skulduggery Pleasant - Becoming Whole

2

Keeping a dead man down

"You won't mind if I...?" Skulduggery Pleasant gestured towards the body, hand waving in the air whilst summoning a flame in his other.

"I can't say the sanctuary would approve." Reverie Synecdoche replied. "Even so, it didn't stop him before. What makes you think it will this time?"

"I don't think it will. Not at all. It's more of a test." Skulduggery stared at the body of Knave Hallow who laid before him on the cold metal slab, flame still ignited in his palm. Hallow's neck was laced with the dents and bruises of where the rope had been just minutes ago. It was suicide they said. But what need had he to kill himself?

Valkyrie Cain clutched at Skulduggery's wrist, hoping this would be a sign enough for him to extinguish the flame. "Maybe we should get the Cleavers instead. You know, just to be on the safe side."

Synecdoche nodded in agreement. "A much better idea. I will summon for some." She hurried out of the room.

"Are you sure I can't just...fry him instead?" Skulduggery asked. "If he comes back anyway, which he will, what harm would I be causing?"

"I can't imagine China will be overly impressed." Valkyrie's hand still on his wrist, she tugged at him lightly like a child begging for attention.

"When is she ever impressed with what anyone does other than herself?" He scoffed. "Besides, I doubt she even knows of his temporary death."

"She does." They could hear Synecdoche shout from down the corridor.

Valkyrie rolled her eyes at him. "Come on. This is a stupid idea anyway."

"None of my ideas are stupid." He pretended to take offence.

"Your ego alone could probably permanently kill Hallow." She laughed. "Look, it's been a long day. Let's leave him with the Cleavers." And, just on cue, they walked trough the door just as Skulduggery let the flame in his hand dissolve to nothing and he slowly lowered his hand to his side, yet Valkyrie hadn't released the grip she had on him.

"The sanctuary would prefer Hallow to be under their protection and not ours." Synecdoche mentioned as she re-entered the room. "Normally I would take offence, but, knowing who this man is, I would prefer him to be out of my hands. The Cleavers had already been sent and are here to transport him."

Valkyrie realised she was still holding onto his wrist and quickly let go feeling slightly embarrassed; Skulduggery stared at her. "Well, that settles that." She agreed, clapping her hands together. "Let's go." She noticed Skulduggery had tilted his head indicating to Valkyrie that he wasn't overly happy. "Come on. We got him. Well technically, he got himself. But either way, he's not our problem any more."

"I don't like this, Valkyrie, just so you know."

"I know you don't. But at the moment, he's not going anywhere, except the sanctuary. Let China deal with him. And if he wakes up again, we will go after him." She smiled at him, figuring it would help convince him further to leave.

"Come on then." He nudged her arm with his elbow and walked past her and out of the room, past Synecdoche and the three Cleavers.

"Later Synecdoche." Valkyrie said as they left the room receiving nothing but a nod in return.

The detectives stepped outside and into the dark and cold autumn night. Valkyrie checked her phone and noticed it was past 9 p.m. Once they reached the Bentley, Valkyrie's stomach rumbled, loudly. "Oh." She laughed.

"Not again. I know it's been literally hundreds of years since I've eaten, but I cannot remember ever being even a fraction of a bit as hungry as often as you are." His sigh becoming an amused chuckle.

"That's because I'm amazing." She beamed.

"And you were just complaining at me about my ego." Skulduggery muttered as he started up the car.

"I don't have any food at mine either." Realisation hit that she was meant to have gone shopping but never got round to it, no thanks to Knave Hallow. "Looks like I'm sharing Xena's food." Disgust in her face and voice to which Skulduggery laughed.

"No." He said.

"No?"

"It looks like I'm taking you to my house instead."

Valkyrie turned her head to him. "Why?"

"I actually have food. I'm prepared for your hunger, unlike you."

"You have food in case I'm hungry?"

"I always have food incase you're hungry." Skulduggery admitted as he began to drive, eyes fixated on the road ahead.

Valkyrie opened her mouth to mock him but decided against it. "But it's getting kind of late." She admitted.

"Well, you still have your room at mine. You're always welcome to stay over."

"And Xena."

"What, what about Xena?"

"I can't leave her alone over night."

Skulduggery turned to her. "Sure you can."

A sigh escaped her parted lips. "I can't. Look, it doesn't matter. Just drop me off at Gordon's." Valkyrie folded her arms to show her disappointment.

"Fine. We will pick her up on the way." He was sulking for the second time today. "But if she destroys anything..."

"She won't! I trained her." Her hand on her chest, smugness painted across her face.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm worried about..." He trailed off and Valkyrie slapped his arm. "Ow, carful, I'm driving." He rubbed his arm.

A smirk played across her face. "Sleep over!" Excitement ringing within her voice, ignoring his previous comment.

Once the three of them reached his house, Skulduggery had made a point of stating where Xena could and couldn't go; the list of where she was actually allowed, lacked. In fact, she was only permitted in the kitchen. He had said that he didn't need "her fur all over the couch or the carpet." Valkyrie had obliged after complaining, since she was, after all, a guest in his house.

Her and Skulduggery had managed to make a mediocre meal between them. Fried egg, beans, pork and bread. Skulduggery called it 'Cowboy' as apparently Cowboys consumed it on their travels. And he should know since he basically lived as one amongst the Dead Men, or so he had said something like that to Valkyrie yet she hadn't really listened.

Once she had consumed her meal, Skulduggery insisted on doing the pots and that she was to pick a film. But the problem was that all his films were in black and white. All but two exceptions being, 'The Nightmare Before Christmas', which she had brought over for Christmas one year, and 'Twilight', from when she used to be into vampires. But Valkyrie didn't care much about vampires any more or about black and white films so she settled for 'The Nightmare Before Christmas'.

Skulduggery would probably complain but he had asked her to pick the film after all.

After setting the film up, she ran upstairs to quickly change into her pyjamas and dove onto the couch wrapping a blanket round her. Skulduggery entered the room and she patted on the couch and he sat next to her.

"What's this?" He moaned at the television noticing it wasn't one of his own films.

"It's covered every where." She sang. Valkyrie, content with the pun she made, laughed, the laughter growing at Skulduggery's obvious confusion. "Nightmare Before Christmas, that's what this is." Valkyrie smiled.

"I asked you to pick a film."

"And I did."

"No, you picked a disaster." He complained.

"You've seen it before."

"What's it about."

"The main character is a Skeleton."

"Oh yes, the delightful little fellow. What's his name? Jock?"

"Oh my god!" She howled in laughter. "It's Jack! His name is Jack!"

"Shut up." He joked.

"Ha no, you shut up. The opening song is just beginning." She giggled.

"Oh look, the-" Skulduggery was interrupted.

"No seriously, shut up." She was immersed in the film. All of a sudden she sprang up and sang. "THIS IS HALLOWEEN, THIS IS HALLOWEEN!"

"I thought this was a Christmas film?"

Valkyrie nodded. "It is."

"So why are they singing about Halloween? Are they confused?"

"No, you've watched this. How can you forget so easily?"

"Funnily enough, Valkyrie, I don't replay this film over and again in my head. Besides, it must be seven years ago since you made me watch it."

Valkyrie ignored him and waved her arm at him to shush him. And despite her excitement of the film and Skulduggery's commentary on how the film isn't accurate on Skeleton's, Valkyrie had fallen asleep all within half an hour. Her head rolled gently onto Skulduggery's shoulder, at first he went stiff until he found peace with it and realised he was enjoying the contact. He brushed a stray piece of hair off her face and brought the blanket up to cover her more, he almost resisted the urge to stroke her cheek but he granted himself the pleasure, he almost got lost in her until he heard, 'What's this? What's this? It's covered everywhere!" He laughed, almost too loud , when he realised Valkyrie had been quoting this song earlier. She stirred slightly but not enough to wake her.

Once the film was over, he let Xena out and lifted a still sleeping Valkyrie off the couch and into his arms. He headed upstairs towards her room. It had been years since she had used it last but he had made sure to keep it clean incase she was ever to use it again. A noise resembling that of a sigh left him, remembering the sadness he had suffered when Valkyrie Cain had left him for five years.

"Skulduggery?" Valkyrie had woken up with a yawn.

"Oh, hello. You're awake! I was just taking you to your room. You missed the film by the way." He was still carrying her.

"Ah well. I know how it goes. Did you enjoy it?"

"I like the Skeleton. And what's her face? Susan."

"Who is Susan?" She laughed into his suit.

"The woman who sews her legs back on when they fall off. You know, Susan." As if she should know.

"Oh, god. Her name is Sally!"

"Never was good with names really." He placed Valkyrie on her bed and tilted his head in a certain way that she knew he was smiling.

"Thank you." She grinned after a few moments of silence.

"What for?"

"Letting me stay here." She glanced around the almost dark room, taking in the memories this house held.

"Well, my house is yours. I didn't think you would ever sleep here again though." He chuckled. "Not that it matters. It's just...nice." He murmured the last part and Valkyrie just stared, confused at what he meant but wishing he would elaborate. "Well, I should be getting Xena back in because it's raining, brilliant. And you should be getting to sleep. I want us at the sanctuary tomorrow to see what precautions China is taking with Hallow."

"I'm sure she knows what she's doing." Valkyrie yawned again.

"Just to be on the safe side." He heard her sigh. "Good night, Valkyrie." And with that he shut the door.

"Good night...Skulduggery." She whispered, and stared at where he had once stood, wishing he was still there and Skulduggery stared at her door wishing he could go back through it.

[bubblemoon66]

Normal Again: Chapter 10

Fandom: Skulduggery Pleasant Rating: T for Violence/Gore. Wordcount: 2671 Chapter Summary: Valkyrie gets a diagnosis of sorts, and the prognosis is not great.

Find the previous chapters here on tumblr or read the full story at AO3, ff.net or Wattpad.

Skulduggery had to half-carry her from the car, but Valkyrie managed to remain conscious the rest of the way to the Sanctuary. A feat which required a herculean effort, and probably deserved an award.

The medical bay was quiet when they entered. Doctor Synechdoche was sitting at a desk, with a cup of tea and a plate of sandwiches. She put the cup down when saw them and stood up.

"Detectives... what happened?"

"Need a booster jab," Valkyrie murmured.

"Valkyrie's fever has gotten worse. She's a little delirious with periods of unconsciousness," Skulduggery added, by way of explanation.

Synecdoche's brow furrowed. "The first booster should have been more than enough to see off an ordinary viral infection. This must be something else. Let me just..."

Her voice trailed off as she began rummaging around a cabinet. After half a minute, she pulled out a thermometer. She ordered Valkyrie to open her mouth and hold it under her tongue.

"40.1" Synecdoche declared. "You're right, her fever is getting worse. Have any new symptoms developed? Nausea?Breathlessness? Joint pain...?"

"Dizziness. My neck hurts." Valkyrie said.

She realised she was sitting down again, on the edge of a bed. She didn't remember sitting down. Forgetfulness was probably another symptom, but not one she was going to mention.

You appear to be losing your mind, Darquesse said. Valkyrie wasn't going to mention that either.

"She's been having hallucinations, I think." Skulduggery said. "And trouble focusing."

Synecdoche nodded, but her frown was deepening. "How was she after the first booster I gave her? Was she her usual self?"

Skulduggery gave her a quick little glance, "Quieter than usual. And more irritable."

Busy talking to the voice in her head is what he wants to say.

Valkyrie rubbed her temples and mumbled. "I was fine. I just need a stronger dose."

Synecdoche pursed her lips, giving it a moment's thought. "Mm. I suppose I could give you a second jab if you thought the first one helped. But only on the condition that you stay in the medical bay overnight, so I can monitor you this time. "

"That sound's reasonable," Skulduggery said.

"Sure," Valkyrie agreed halfheartedly.

Synecdoche rummaged around some more in another cabinet. She pulled out a small, clear plastic case with a bottle, some needles, a syringe and a stack of plasters.

"We'll put you in a private room after this, in case you're contagious. I also think a brain scan would be useful, to make sure you don't have a concussion." Synecdoche said as she assembled the booster jab. "Let's see your arm. The other one this time, if you don't mind. You can sit down here for a moment."

Valkyrie took off her jacket, sat down, and let the doctor do her job. She'd had enough of needles to last a lifetime by now, but if it got rid of the woolly feeling in her brain, she was willing to put up with it.

"All done. Stay sitting down for the next fifteen minutes while I tidy up. Then I'll show you to your room."

The booster jab was a godsend. Quick and effective. As the minutes ticked by she felt the brain fog dissipate. She could think again. Clearly enough to analyse the situation, and to feel embarrassed about it. This was the second time in two days Skulduggery had had to carry her somewhere.

"You're looking better already," Skulduggery commented.

"I'm feeling better," she said. And she meant it.

After her fifteen minutes were up, Synecdoche ushered her and Skulduggery past rows of beds. A few weeks ago Ed Stynes, and the rest of Argeddion's experiments had lain unconscious here. Now the beds lay empty.

They entered one of the private rooms at the end of the ward. A purple haired nurse sat on the bed, playing candy crush on his phone. His face turned pink when he was them and he hastily shoved the phone into his pocket.

"Ah, excellent. Zevar, can you bring me the CI scanner? Oh, and the results for Valkyrie Cain's blood test, please?" Synecdoche asked.

"Uh, yeah, sure."

The nurse hurried from the room, returning a few minutes later with a folder marked 'Cain, Valkyrie' and what looked like a swimming cap. He handed the folder to Synecdoche and helped Valkyrie put on the CI scanner cap. He was short, a lot shorter than Valkyrie, and she had to sit down on the edge of the bed so he could reach her head.

Valkyrie was an old hand when it came to CI Scans. They were useful for diagnosing concussions, and she'd had quite a few of those over the past five years. Although she still thought she looked daft wearing the cap.

As they waited for the scanner to do its job, Synecdoche thumbed through the report. Valkyrie watched her eyes darted from side to side. Her face fell.

"That's odd," she said.

"What's odd?" Skulduggery asked.

She glanced up at them, then back at the report, and then up at them once more.

"There's an unknown substance showing up on the blood test. The substance shares some similarities to snail venom, but it appears to be multiplying, like a bacterium. I've never seen anything quite like it."

"Unknown substance..." Skulduggery echoed. Then his voice turned brittle. "You, Zevar. Get Nye in here. Now."

The nurse looked terrified but he did as Skulduggery bade.

"What's is it?" asked Synecdoche.

"We've got a body in the morgue with an unknown substance in his cardiovascular system. We think the monster we found in the sewer injected it into his body."

Valkyrie had barely thought about the monster or the corpse from the sewers since she'd gone home. She hadn't even asked Skulduggery if he'd made any progress on the case while she'd been resting at home.

Skulduggery's figured it out.  Look, you  can  practically  see the  wheels  turning.  Now it's your turn.

"You think it's the same substance?" Valkyrie asked.

Skulduggery nodded. "I think it's a likely possibility. Nye will be able to confirm it. The question is: how did it get there? Yesterday you said the monster's needle couldn't pierce your clothes but are you certain of it?"

"Yeah, or I was. It went for my heart. I would have felt it if I'd been stabbed through the heart, right?"

"And it didn't stab you anywhere else?"

Instinctively, Valkyrie's left hand moved towards her neck. Her fingertips brushed the tender skin and she flinched.

"It was just a scratch."

"Let me see."

She pulled back her long hair and turned her head, so Skulduggery and Synecdoche could peer at her neck. They shared a look.

"You don't think that was enough to infect me with whatever this is, do you?" Valkyrie asked.

"If this was a bacterial infection, I would say without a doubt," Synecdoche said. "But as it's not, I can only guess."

The CI scanner attached to Valkyrie's head beeped. She jumped. She'd forgotten she'd been wearing it. Maybe she wasn't back on the ball yet.

Synecdoche turned on the computer screen in the corner of the room, typed in a security clearance code, and opened up the results of the CI scan.

"Well, that's not good," Synecdoche murmured, as she poured over the screen.

Before Valkyrie or Skulduggery could ask her to elaborate, Nye entered the room. It had to bend in half to squeeze through the door.

"I hope you have a good reason for calling me away from my laboratory, detectives," it said.

"The unknown substance you found in Jack Walsh's body; have you managed to identify it yet?" Skulduggery asked.

Nye sneered. "I have not. Is that all you wished to know?"

"Have you found out anything more about it?"

"I ran a few experiments on some test subjects," it said. "Rats" Nye clarified when Valkyrie shot it a murderous look.

"And?" Skulduggery prompted.

"The substance is made from a multitude of compounds, that would no doubt bore you if I were to list them. It multiples rapidly inside the host, causing inflation and then the breakdown of the brain."

"It's deadly then?" Synechdoche asked. It didn't sound like a question though, more like a confirmation.

"In a large enough quantity."

"What's the Ld50?"

"For a rat? 982 milligrams per kilogram."

"Have you calculated the CFU?

Valkyrie frowned, this conversation was getting out of her depth. "Hold on, can we back up to the deadly part?"

Nye's beady yellow eyes darted to where she sat. She realised she still had that stupid cap on her head. She tore it off.

Nye smiled. "Is the girl infected?"

"The girl has a name. And she wants you to explain what's happening in simple English," Valkyrie said, annoyed because it was easier to be annoyed than afraid.

"You're dying," it said, unable to keep the glee from its voice. "Assuming you are infected. It'll be slow and painful, although nearly as slow or painful as I might have liked. It will start with a fever and vertigo. You'll grow more and more confused and tired as time goes by. They'll be hallucinations, and maybe a few personality changes or emotional outbursts along the way. And then the headaches will start, as your brain begins to swell. If the pressure of it pressing against the inside of your skull doesn't kill you, the liquidation of your remaining brain cells certainly will."

Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery, and Skulduggery looked away. There was tension in his stance, shoulder tight, hands balled into fists. But his voice was cool when he spoke. "How do we stop that from happening?"

I have an idea, said Darquesse.

Nye shrugged, a smile still playing at its lips. "I have no idea. My attempts to make an anti-venom have been unsuccessful so far. The substance multiples faster than the mammalian immune system can destroy it. Even the most minute amount of this substance will kill its host eventually. It could completely change the face of biological warfare. You should be proud to be part of such a discovery."

"I'll try and remember that on my death bed," Valkyrie said, with more than a trace of sarcasm. "How long do we have to find a cure for this thing?"

Judging by the scan on the screen behind you I'd say no more than 60 hours, although I imagine the brain damage will be irreversible before then." "It's possible that the creature itself may have the cure," said Synecdoche, tentatively. "Some venomous animals produce their own antivenom, this creature may be among them. If Doctor Nye and myself could dissect it in the laboratory, we may be able to develop a cure. Of course, there's no guarantee we would find an antivenom and even if we did we might not able to synthesise a cure in time for... well, in time."

Could work. But I have a better solution.

"I can get you the monster," Skulduggery said. He still wasn't looking at her. His attention was on the two doctors. "See if there's anything you can do to slow down the poison in the meantime."

Valkyrie stood up. "I'm coming with you."

"Absolutely not," said Synecdoche.

"It's too much of a risk," said Skulduggery.

Valkyrie held her chin high and tried to meet Skulduggery's gaze, but he avoided it, fixing onto a point somewhere over her right shoulder.

"You can't fight this thing on your own, Skulduggery," she said. "It's too strong. And besides, we work better together. We're partners."

"You're in no fit state to fight," said s "If Doctor Nye is right about this substance, then it's likely that the effects of the booster jab I gave you will only be temporary."

"Then we better leave before it wears off," Valkyrie said. "Because I'm not letting Skulduggery go back down into the sewers on his own. The two of us barely hurt the monster last time. There's no way only one of us could catch it alive."

"Oh, it wouldn't have to alive," Nye interjected. "Dead would be fine, provided you could bring it back to my laboratory quickly."

"Good. I can work with that," Skulduggery said. His fists unravelled, and he flexed his fingers. The tension in his stance was still there, but there was something else now. It was like Darquesse had said: You can practically see the wheels turning. He had an idea. A plan. Probably something ridiculously dangerous, that would never work if he was anyone else, but it would work for him. Because he was Skulduggery Pleasant. Because it had to work. Because she needed it to work. Because it always worked. Almost always.

You know, he wouldn't have to risk his life if you'd just listen to me.

"I have a plan," Skulduggery said. "But I need to make a couple of phone calls first. If you'll excuse me..."

He turned on his heels and walked out of the room.

"Skulduggery, wait!" she said, following him into the hallway. "Slow down."

He did. And finally, for the first time since Nye had told her she was dying, he looked at her. And the gravity of the situation hit her. Her chest felt heavy. That ache in the back of her throat was back. She tried to swallow it, so she could speak, but the words caught in her throat.

We don't have to die.

"Valkyrie..." he began, his voice soothing. "You're right. We do work better as a team. And it would be foolish of me to try and face this on my own. But you're not going be much help to me if you collapse again. Go back to your room. Rest. See if there's anything Doctor Synecdoche can do to buy us more time. I'll handle the rest."

Valkyrie took a deep breath. "I meant what I said, I'm not letting you go down there on your own."

"I won't. I'm going to call in a few favours from some friends of friends. We'll get the professionals on this case. The cream of the crop. So you can kick back, relax, and focus on not dying."

She raised an eyebrow, "What professionals? I thought we were the professionals."

"We're professional detectives. What we need are professional monster hunters. It's a different skill set. And fortunately, two of the best arrived in the country last week."

"And you can't phone them here and now?"

"It's a sensitive matter, I don't want to be overheard."

Valkyrie glanced back at the door they'd just come through, where the two doctors were no doubt awaiting her return, so they could poke and prod some more. Then she looked back at Skulduggery.

"This isn't a trick, is it?" she asked. "You're not going to run off like some big damn hero and try and save the day on your own, are you?" 

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"Good. Because I'm not your damsel in distress. And I'll be furious with you if you're lying to me right now, Skulduggery"

He titled his head in amusement. "I know. Go rest. I'll be back in fifteen minutes. We can talk more then." He took her hand, gave it a brief affectionate squeeze, before adding. "You're going to be fine, Valkyrie. I promise you that.

[givemechoices]

More Than 11 Questions xD

@kennaxval @lizzybeth1986 @violetflipflops tagged me. I’m so sorry it took me this long to respond >_<

The post is going to be super long so I’ll tag all the people I’ve got questions for before I do a Keep Reading tag

My 11 questions that will be going out to these lovely people are as follows:

1.    What is one particular storyline you would love to see on Choices?

2.    Whose plotline in all of the Choices books aka character’s journey did you most enjoy?

3.    Who’s your favourite MC?

4.    Who’s your least favourite MC?

5.    Which Choices background do you not mind seeing recycled?

6.    Which Choices character do you most relate to?

7.    If given the choice, would you choose the option to have a polyamorous relationship with any of the other characters? Who would you choose?

8.    Which Choices book would you most likely want to live through?

9.    Which Choices book, besides Most Wanted, do you want a sequel to?

10.  Which Choices book, besides ROE/HFTH, do you want to stop getting sequels of?

11.  What aspect of the Choices books would you like PB to improve on?

Tagging these lovely people: @hughater @puckishelfin @chiarace @tinypenguincheesemachine @hamulau @youruinedmylifebynotbeingreal @hhiggs @ellora-ameris @destinio1 @lilywoood

Sorry if y’all have already been tagged before >_< I don’t actually have that many people to tag in the first place heh

1. Favorite female Choices character?

God, too many tbh. Like I love all the female characters on Endless Summer. Literally. All of them. Even Seraxa. And the Endless. And I love Hana, she’s such a sweetheart. I honestly can’t pick just one. ^-^

2. Favorite male Choices character?

Liam, duh. And Grayson. And Sean. And Zig. And Chris. And Mark. And Diego. And Craig. And Raj. And Matt. *dead* I can’t choooooose

3. Favorite dessert?

Pineapple cream cheese pie. I even know how to make it mself ^-^

4. Least favorite food?

There’s this thing in Asia called the petai. It’s called Bitter Bean according to Google but I call it the stink bean because it stinks to high hell and it makes any and all excretions after that smell like death. It tastes awful to me and I’m sorry you had to imagine the excretions. ^-^

5. Are you a coffee drinker?

I’m a tea lover but I partake once in a while.

6. Dream job or career?

Career, I think. My dream job requires me to find a rich benefactor so I can get a proper degree and then pursue it.

7. Favorite non-Choices book series?

Harry Potter, Skulduggery Pleasant and A Series of Unfortunate Events.

8. Do you have any secret talents?

It’s not exactly a secret but I can play a song on any instrument by ear

9. Dream place to live?

Somewhere by the beach, despite the fact that I’m not a big fan of the beach? It’s more about the view than anything else.

10. Do you have any guilty pleasure TV shows?

I honestly don’t feel guilty about any of the shows I watch ^-^

11. If you won the lottery, what’s something fun you would splurge on?

A really good mattress. I’m not even kidding.

12. Are there film adaptations of books that you feel did justice to the book itself?

Sleepers. Brad Pitt, Robert De Niro, Minnie Driver…need I say more?

13. Favourite Choices Moment.

When Sean and MC became official. I didn’t always agree with the guy because he’s a white knight but I love the shit out of him and waited way too long to get him to 2 fucking hearts xD

14. How did you join the Tumblr fandom?

God…I just started liking Choices posts and it snowballed from there xD

15. Which place do you most consider home?

Cliché as it is, home isn’t a place for me. It’s wherever my family is.

16. Favourite cheese.

Mozzarella and feta

17. Most vivid childhood memory.

Me getting my bike handle jabbed into my chest after a particularly nasty fall and waking up at home. Me falling off the swing and falling on the concrete edge of the platform the swing was on and waking up in my aunt’s toilet being washed off because I had a lot of blood coming out xD I’ll probably never forget that.

18. Favourite hairstyle

The one I have right now is pretty decent. It’s just above my shoulders in a sort of bob-ish kind. Lol, for a writer, I am the worst at describing things.

19. How much do you enjoy naming your MCs?

I love it! There are so many names I love so dumping them on to a character is pretty damn fun ^-^

20. Favourite gemstone?

I don’t have one

21. Would you prefer wearing glasses or contact lenses?

Glasses for sure. They make me less ugly.

22. Favourite OST.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

Rent

Stick It

School of Rock

Moana

23. Who is your ideal person to play your favourite choices character in a movie?

So far, my favourite Choices characters already have pretty damn perfect FCs circulating (Liam=Daniel Henney. Diavolos=D.J. Cotrona. Sean Gayle = Jordan Calloway)

24. What, if anything, would you change in any choices story?

Nothing for a specific book but the most frustrating thing I’ve ever encountered for most all is the fact that they don’t offer customisable LIs and male MCs for the majority of the books. So if anything, that’s what I wanna change.

25. Have you ever had an idea for a choices book?

I’m always having ideas xD

26. What’s your favourite choices soundtrack?

I play Choices with the sound off xD But one particular soundtrack I reeeeeally like is the one during romantic/sex scenes. It’s pretty good xD

27. What non-choices form of entertainment do you prefer (movies, tv, books, etc)

I love all forms of entertainment tbh. I’m trying to get my nephew to be more excited about board games instead of his Nintendo so…

28. Who do you think is the most underrated choices character?

Blake freaking Yasuda.

29. Who do you think is the most overrated choices character?

Drake freaking Walker

30. Have you made any friends on Tumblr?

Yes I have. I love them to bits ^-^ Including the people who tagged me :D

31. If choices didn’t exist, would you still be on Tumblr?

I was on Tumblr way before I played Choices so yeah ^-^

32. What couples, if any, are on your notp list?

Drake x MC, Jake x MC. I’m sorry, I know a lot of the people who follow me and whom I follow are mega fans but I just don’t see their appeal :/

33. Which non-LI would you romance if you could?

So far Olivia from TRR, Blake from ROE, Addison from RCD

[geckolady]

Skulduggery Pleasant: Raising Cain - Chapter 8

Chapter 8 - Clues and progress

They got to the car they borrowed and had to call a taxi to help get them all back to Gordon’s. They decided to rest for a little while before heading out and Crow went upstairs to remove the body which would be collected by the Sanctuary Cleavers and then cleaned up what he could, Wolf helping him.

Panda sat carefully at the kitchen table, looking at her nervously try to think up something to eat. She could make little bits, her and Gordon had been learning things slowly as a way of spending time together and also so Gordon wouldn’t forget to make food as often, Stephanie would remind him to spend time with her. It made her chest ache for him for a moment. She still loved him, but he had set up everything so she could move on quickly and she intended to make him proud.

She found some rice, tinned tomatoes, passata, cheese and mozzarella after a while and after digging out the recipe from the messed-up folder they had created together. Panda helped her work out how much food they needed for six, then decided after a moment to add on another two portions considering they were all so big and they were all so hungry.

It took a while to make and she had had to replace some passata with tin tomatoes, which were meant to be fresh anyway, and there defiantly wasn’t enough mozzarella, but with cheese on top and the fact it was alright tasting and there was more than enough for everyone, she was the star of the night and everyone doted on her. She’d always thought cooking for people was boring, but they made it fun, and Panda had done all the onion chopping so it wasn’t too horrible.

When they had all finished the meal – Stephanie had forced Crow to sit with them – they all went their various ways to relax. They had made sure to have two on night duty as well as Crow at all times but Stephanie was not involved though she didn’t complain with that, as the others would also be doing washing, drying and putting away since she cooked.

She washed for a long time in the shower, finding a lot of bruise and feeling a lot more aches than she realised she had. There was a particularly big yellowing bruise on her butt cheek she had no idea about but it didn’t hurt and too soon she was out the shower and in her massive, fluffy towel. She took the old nail varnish off her toes and couldn’t be bothered to repaint them after filing so she finished up, including her teeth and putting away the things she’d used in the draws, although they had no real home so it wasn’t exactly organised.

She didn’t care though so she took her clothes back to her room with her towel around her. She was sort of embarrassed to get waved at by Weasel who was going into his room someway down the hall as she was used to sleeping on a whole different floor to Gordon and had even walked, quiet freely, from the bathroom to her room naked without fear of being spotted in the past. She wouldn’t be able to do that anymore, which was disappointing in a weird way. Walking around naked was fun.

She shook the strange thoughts from her mind and went to her room with her massive super king bed and beautiful sheets and all her pillows and throws in various colours and materials, some gifts from her friends, others artfully picked by Gordon. The four-poster had semi-transparent white curtains she always had the tied up. When she was younger they had been the best thing in the room.

She had a desk and fairly new computer though the monitor was the same one from years ago, possibly from before she was born, a desk that went across the span of the room held up with massive screws and brackets rather than legs, giving the allusion of a lot of space. She had a vanity and massive walk in wardrobe with custom shelves, hanging space and shoe space that had never been full but she still loved for the fact it was over the top and made her feel important.

She changed into new pyjamas and got under the covers. She slept soundly.

She had a vague dream of Gordon that night, nothing of importance, no particular event, but she dreamt of Gordon, her and her boys. That’s what she called them in her dream and as soon as she awoke, she remembered that and not much of the dream itself. She decided that was what they were. She was their girl and they were her boys, her bothers. Sure, it wasn’t a perfect name for them, but it was the feel more so than the name itself.

She didn’t bother changing from her shorts and massive t-shirt Gordon had handed down to her some years ago, just grabbed her Panda toy to show Panda and slowly rubbed her eyes and went downstairs.

They were all in the kitchen, Bear, Panda and Weasel mumbling over tea, Crow reading a newspaper and the others far too excited for the morning and making up a big meal for them all. Stephanie sat on Bears lap and he moved back to give her room and was in a good enough mood to even wrap one arm back around her so it rested on her opposite hip, basically hugging her. Such a big, bad man, so feared across the land, and here he was, grumpy, drinking black tea and cuddling her.

“Cub!” Wolf said when he turned around. He was wearing an apron that said ‘I’ve been a naught cook’ on it and started laughing. “What do you want for breakfast?”

She stifled her laughs. “Whatever’s going I guess.”

“A full Irish, coming up.”

“Well, not a full one,” Crow pointed out over his paper.

“No,” Snake agreed. “But it’s pretty close.”

Stephanie listened to them argue over breakfast and noticed she was the last down and only one that hadn’t gotten dressed. Looking at the clock, she noticed it was ten o’clock and they must have been waiting for her.

She was given her food not long after and when they had all eaten and she’d helped putting things in the correct place when it was washed, she ran and got herself ready for the day. Back in her protective clothes, she came back to the kitchen to reconvene and found them inspecting her Panda bear.

“Hey!” She said, making them jump. “Don’t touch my Pandy!”

Wolf put it in the middle of the table. “I just wanted to see Ghastly’s namesake is all.”

“Yeah, just curious,” Snake said.

“Which is totally allowed,” Weasel pointed out. “So don’t get mad.”

“Yeah, but this is special. It was made for me and it’s special and you can’t hurt it,” she told them. “Anyway, I wanted to show Panda.”

“He saw it earlier,” Crow said, coming in from the living room. “He said it brought back memories of the wild animals his father made for him as a child. I think he wishes he made you more now.”

“He made me tones of stuff. I have almost everything you ever got me upstairs. Even the nonsense stuff you gave me.”

“They weren’t nonsense,” Crow muttered and left the room. “We’re leaving in five so get ready.”

Stephanie put her old toy, which was quite beaten up but still cute, at the end of the table and they got into the Bentley and the van and made their way down to the coast.

They stopped near her aunt and uncles place and Stephanie looked out the window at the nice little house. It was deceiving, how quaint it looked considering how bad the people within it had been to her on occasion. She was hardly Harry Potter but she deserved a little better from them, at least.

“Can’t we just steal it? I want to break in,” she told them.

“Stop whining. You get to steal it now, just walk over, go in, steal it and leave. Done,” Crow told her.

“It’s not the same and you know it,” she said, but got out the car, accepting that she was about to embarrass herself greatly in front of everyone.

She knocked on the door and waited until Fergus opened it. “Oh,” he said.

“Yeah. I was wondering how you were?” She asked. It sounded more like she was questioning the question. She certainly was.

“Uh, we’re fine. How are you?”

“Grand, grand. Um, could I use your bathroom?” She blurted out, wanting to get it over with.

He looked at her suspiciously. “Why? What are you up to?”

She frowned meanly at him. “Nothing. I went for a walk at the coast, needed to pee and came here. Is that so bad?”

He made a grunt noise but let her in and she bolted up the stairs to the bathroom. She closed the door and then listened carefully, hearing him call Beryl’s name and her shout back from the kitchen. She crept from the bathroom to her Aunt and Uncles room and searched the jewellery box. She found it quickly, flushed the loo and ran down the stairs.

“Thank you!” She called and closed the door on her way out.

She walked at a normal speed until she was sure Beryl couldn’t spy on her and then ran to the car and got in.

“That was not fun. I hope you understand that.”

“I don’t,” Crow said. “Now let’s go.”

They travelled back to the mansion and found it thankfully clear of intruders. The basement only took a moment to search with all seven of them and they used the key to get in, Stephanie getting to do the honours. It smelt dank and wet and felt frigidly cold.

They couldn’t all go in as there were monsters within would sense their magic, so Stephanie, Crow and Wolf would enter and the others would stay behind to guard and keep them hidden since they didn’t know if Serpine knew of the caves yet and if it gave them a few moments to get the Sceptre’s alliance to them first, it would be the edge they needed.

It felt slow at first, being in the cavernous maze and just slowly wandering around, finding boring plants and fungus everywhere. She had been instructed not to touch any as it was as dangerous as the sentient things down there. Maybe more so.

Stephanie pulled out the little torch she had stashed away in her jacket and they used it to pass a little stream type thing, and to avoid a massive tendril that was moving silently and might have been a snake though she honestly couldn’t tell. They couldn’t use magic, so her torch was invaluable. When they heard noises up ahead she clicked it off and they pressed into the shadows, Wolf’s hand on her shoulder.

The monster passed them with slow, powerful sweeps of its paws – a single claw was bigger than her foot. They waited for it to go around the corner and Wolf let her go and they began running through the dark halls with the torch to help them. Eventually they stumbled across a Snickers wrapper.

“Gordon,” Stephanie said, almost welling with emotion but holding it back resolutely.

“A clue,” Crow said. “We’re on the right track.”

They carefully followed the cave system further down into the dark and they were relying solely on Stephanie’s light for guidance. They reached a large space at the end with three other corridors and an overhang above them. In the centre of the room was the Sceptre.

Crow carefully checked the air with his magic and then nodded to them. They had already decided that Crow should be the one to touch the Sceptre first since he had the most control and would be the hardest for Serpine to kill. He strode forwards and the thing started to sing. He picked it up. It… did nothing.

How anticlimactic.

“Boring,” Wolf said, stretching. “Time to go.”

They left the caves at a jog and Stephanie was incredibly surprised to find everyone above perfectly fine and healthy. They hadn’t even spotted cars around the walls. Bear said it was too quiet, but they were grateful nonetheless and sat around the living room to think of their next move, the Sceptre sitting innocently, and loudly, on the coffee table.

“It needs to be destroyed,” Bear said. “It has no place existing, especially now Serpine is after it.”

“It’s a valuable weapon though. It could be an asset in stopping Serpine,” Weasel suggested though didn’t seem too happy with it.

“I think we should destroy it as soon as Serpine is dead,” Crow said. “It is an asset, and if we could get it assessed first, prove its existence, we can kill Serpine without consequences.”

Wolf shook his head. “I don’t like the idea of destroying it, but it’s too dangerous.”

Panda nodded. “Dexter’s right. I know you want to be certain we can kill him Skul, we all do, but this isn’t the way.”

Stephanie put her hand on Crow’s gently. “It’s way too dangerous. We might not get another chance to destroy it and if someone else gets it, it’d be awful.”

He was quiet as he thought about it. “I suppose you are right. The risk is too great. But that means we need to know how to destroy it.”

Panda stood up. “I think it’s time I paid a visit to the family Vault. Who else wants to go?”

In the end, Panda, Stephanie and Crow decided to go to his family Vault while Bear went to the Sanctuary to try and convince the Elders of the Serpine’s actions. The others would stay where they were to guard the house and Sceptre. It was a fairly long drive to The Vault and on the way Panda and Crow explained a few things.

“The Vault is not a place that is gone in lightly or often,” Panda told her. “My family have collected things over centuries and I have only been in their twice myself. My mother didn’t even go in there as it was from my father’s side and they were always too protective over it.”

“Why are you bringing me and Crow then?”

“You’re family,” he said. “And that one won’t let me not take him.”

She laughed. “What stuff did they collect?”

He shrugged. “Mostly paintings, but they were very interested in the Ancients, which we told you about already, so hopefully they will have something in there that can tell us about destroying it.”

They got to the art gallery in good time and caught the guards before they were leaving, allowing Panda to show his documentation, though it was unnecessary since it was impossible not to recognise him, and they waited for them to open the massive metal door, and it was shut after them, so they could browse.

It wasn’t as big as Stephanie had assumed it would be, but it was still packed with things, all valuable looking. There was art everywhere, some of what she assumed was the most valuable on the walls, and cases of clothes, jewels, piles of books and a massive oval table and chairs in the centre though upon the surface was more things she couldn’t identify.

“Where do we start?” Stephanie asked.

“I’ll start over here,” Panda said, walking to one of the corners.

“You look at the paintings,” Crow told her. “If you find anything relating to the Ancients that might be useful, tell us.”

She nodded and got started on the nearest rack of paintings. They were very expensive and she did her best to handle them with care, the way Gordon had taught her when they had gone through his collection one time. Panda found some maps in his corner they thought could have been places the Sceptre might have been found at one time, though they had no way of checking since they had the Sceptre. They did put them carefully on a chair for photographs though, just in case there was more information about the Sceptre in those places. It must have been almost twenty minutes later that Stephanie found a picture of it.

“I found something,” she said. “But it’s just someone using the Sceptre, not anything about destroying.”

“Tell me about it,” Crow said, his voice muffled as he was bent straight over into a chest.

“It’s a man, and he’s reaching for the Sceptre. It’s sort of hovering just out of reach, and it’s glowing.”

“Is there anything strange about him?” Panda asked, looking through scrolls.

“Yeah… he’s shielding his eyes but they’re both wide open. He looks kind of crazed actually.”

“What does that mean?” Crow asked her, pulling himself from the chest.

“Well, you’d expect him to be squinting, you know? There’s so much detail, there’s no reason the painter wouldn’t make him squint.”

“Anything else strike you as odd?”

She looked it over again. “The shadows.”

“What about them?”

“There’s two. And the Sceptre isn’t making them, the angles are wrong. Maybe the sun?” She suggested as he came over to look too.

“Yes, but what time of day would it be?”

“The shadow at his feet would make it noon, making the sun overhead, but the shadow behind him would make it morning or evening.”

“Which one?”

“How am I meant to know?” She frowned at him, seeing he wasn’t looking at the painting at all, actually playing with a little box. “Maybe morning.”

“So, you are looking at a man who is reaching for the Sceptre in the past and present, seeing everything at once.”

“I suppose so. What does that have to do with the box you’re messing with?”

“Who painted it?” Crow asked. “Ghastly, get over here.”

“There’s a crest. Leopard and crossed swords,” she said.

He lifted the box and showed them the same crest. “Whoever, family or individual, made that painting, also made this Puzzle Box. People like to put things in Puzzle Boxes that might help us in our quest for information. It’s another clue, Stephanie.”

He played with it a little more and then rested it flat on his palm. It clicked and there was a high pitch motorising sound before the top opened and they saw a little blue stone inside.