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bffsoobin · 4 years

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Never Not

↳life in the entertainment industry is grueling. You and your friends with benefits, Soobin, know this better than almost anyone. When you seek comfort in one another, it’s easy to forget the faults in the system. How long can you trust Soobin with your heart?

➤ idol!soobin x trainee!reader, smut, angst, some fluff

Word Count: 5,004

Requested?: yes

Warnings: this includes mature content! Please do not read past the illustrated line divider (not the keep reading) in the story if you are under 18 years old or uncomfortable. There is no happy ending to this story, so keep that in mind. Use of some mature language, my awful attempt at coming up with believable Korean names. Smut warnings include: fingering (female receiving), riding, multiple orgasms, mentions of overstimulation, unprotected sex (please use protection, y’all), some dirty talk, praise kink.

A/N: This fic got away from me and came out way longer than I planned and I’m lowkey insecure about it. Also my normal notes that I didn’t proofread or edit (laziness) and that I suck at titles obviously apply!

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Your bathroom was not nearly private enough. The lock on the door had long been broken, so you and the other girls you’d lived with for close to a year had agreed on a rule of mutual respect and trust. A rule that Minjee was currently abandoning. She busted into the bathroom as you brushed your teeth, nearly knocking you over with her force. Her petite features were soaked in panic.

“What’s wrong?” your toothbrush hung loosely in your mouth, forgotten as you worried over your younger friend.

“Your phone has been ringing off the hook since you got in the shower. And you didn’t answer, so now he’s here!”

“He? Who are you-” a smooth and unforgettable voice sounded from the hallway just outside. Soobin. Your eyes widened. Soobin? Your hair was still dripping, your face red and splotchy from the heat of the shower. Not to mention the toothbrush still dangling precariously. You heard him talk again, muffled like he had moved to the kitchen and you noted that Sooyoung probably ushered him into the small dining space to let you gather your thoughts. You thanked whoever was listening for your thoughtful friend as you cleaned out your mouth, toweled down you hair and did your best to soothe the heat in your cheeks. At least you were fully dressed.

Minjee still looked like a deer caught in headlights, and you shot her what you hoped was a reassuring smile as you left the bathroom. It was hard to miss Soobin’s presence as you turned into the kitchen. He towered over all of your friends, a slightly awkward smile on his face as he waved off offers for snacks left and right.

“Soobin?” you questioned, and all other conversation stopped. He whirled around to see you and you shrunk under his gaze. He was intimidating in every way, yet you found him oddly charming.

“Hey! I wanted to talk to you and you weren’t answering your phone. And I knew you were here so,” he shrugged.

“Let’s talk somewhere else, okay?” you turned without seeing his agreement and led him toward your room. You knew your roommates were all huddled in the common areas of the house, whispering about Soobin. Thankfully, the lock on that door wasn’t busted.

“What are you doing here?” you hissed as he dwarfed your bed under his body.

“Missed you. Do you wanna go get something to eat?” he picked at your sheets mindlessly. You raised an eyebrow and began to tap your foot.

“That sounds a hell of a lot like a date, Soobin.” you accused, already planning an outfit in your head. You could never say no to the handsome boy in front of you.

“It’s not a date, Y/N. We’re just friends. We can erase and add back on the “with benefits” whenever we want, remember?” you scowled at him in place of admitting that he was right.

“Get out. I have to change.” you glanced down at your lounging attire pointedly.

“Nothing I haven’t already seen, princess,” his eyes sparked at his own teasing before you picked up one of Sooyoung’s beloved plushies and flung it at his infuriatingly charming face.

“Get. Out.”

With Soobin standing guard outside the door, you quickly changed into a better outfit and tried to make some semblance of your face before slipping back out. Your friends eyed you questioningly, but you waved them off with promises of being back in no time.

The blanket of night made Soobin bold. He wrapped his arm around your waist, guiding you down the street with a confidence you only see when- a thought cropped up in your mind. “We aren’t going to dinner, are we?” you questioned although you already knew the answer.

“We are going to dinner! Just, in the dorm. In my room.” You were already in front of the familiar building when he finally owned up. You could have backed out, could have told him you were mad at him for lying, but you followed him up to his room anyway. He did have food, as he promised. A pizza box was situated at the foot of his bed when you walked in and settled onto the mattress. Soobin sat up against his pillow and motioned for you to sit on his lap. You brought the warm pizza box with you and laid against his broad chest. You two ate in relative silence and you couldn’t help but notice the lack of...boys.

“Where are they?” Soobin didn’t answer your question and instead went to work running a hand up your leg.

“Does it matter?” his voice ghosted over your ear as you pondered for a minute and then supposed it didn’t. Unlike your groupmates, Soobin’s were all privy to your relationship and exactly what it entailed.

“I just missed you,” he mumbled into your skin, biting at the soft flesh under your ear. Soobin made a point to move the half empty pizza box to the ground as he continued his work on your neck. You melted into his hold, helpless to his sweet whispers and gentle touches in all the right places. For the rest of the night, all that mattered was the way Choi Soobin could work you up and bring you back down so gently.

It had been almost two months since your fake dinner date with Soobin. He became busy with a comeback, and you became busy with general training duties. It was natural, you supposed. You both chose a hectic lifestyle and a relationship that required no actual commitment. While you missed seeing him, you understood that you chose this. That didn’t stop you from being upset, though. Sooyoung, your ever observant roommate noticed your sulking behavior and lack of interest in group activities.

Having had enough of your change in attitude, she cornered you in the kitchen one day while the rest of the girls were still training.

“What’s up with you? I know we’ve been busy. But you’ve just been miserable. You know you can talk to me, right?” You just nodded and crossed your arms. She sighed at your stance and placed a hand on your shoulder.

“Seriously. Why don’t you at least try to hang out with someone, or leave the house? I know Soobin is busy, but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind a visit?” The sound of his name made your insides burn. Too many confusing thoughts circled your being when you thought of him. Deciding to humor Sooyoung, you announced that she was right; and that you were going to get ready and treat yourself to a donut and coffee at the little cafe down the block.

The smell of blueberry muffins and coffee invaded your senses as you ordered a large iced coffee and a sprinkled donut to sulk over as you thought about Soobin. Sitting at a hightop table, your legs swung in the air as you debated over calling Soobin to check up on him or simply letting him go until he contacted you. You weren’t dating Soobin, but would it be so wrong for a friend to reach out? Did you just miss having someone to fool around with? The longer you thought, the more you had to forcefully push down the thought that you really had feelings for Soobin. Maybe his goofy smile and clumsy compliments had really hatched in your brain and created- you shuddered at the thought- love. There was no way he would ever feel the same, you convinced yourself. It is much easier to believe that the famous and loved Choi Soobin would never like you the way you have started to like him.

The donut tasted bland in your mouth and your coffee had certainly been watered down in your thinking, but you finished them both. You wiped your hands on your jeans and made way to get down from your elevated seat until a cheerful voice called your name. Looking around, you spotted the form of a girl you couldn’t quite remember the name of. She had been a trainee in the very early stages, but she had to leave due to family troubles and you hadn’t thought of her since. The back of your neck burned with embarrassment as you waved to the girl you didn't remember. The uncertainty must not have shown on your face as the mystery girl propped herself right next to you and grabbed your arm.

“I just had to talk to you when I saw you! I still talk to Sooyoung every once in a while, and she told me you’re friends with Soobin,” you nodded but felt suspicion creep into the corners of your mind. “Anywho, since I ran into you and you’re friends with him I was wondering if you could confirm something for me.” She plopped a phone onto the table in front of you and hit play on a dark, shaky video. It looked like a club of some sort and you squinted at the screen wondering what this had to do with Soobin. You were about to voice your confusion when someone's phone flashlight illuminated the form you knew all too well crowding a girl against the wall, kissing her neck and pressing the length of his body into her. You body heated at the knowledge that you knew exactly how that felt. Tears stung at the corners of your eyes as the video ended and the unknown girl slid her phone back into her bag.

“I don’t know her,” you mumbled, hurrying to find your purse hung on the back of the chair. “And I haven’t talked to Soobin lately, he’s been busy and-” she snorted as you got down from the chair.

“Yeah, he’s definitely been busy,” she wiggled her eyebrows in a joking manner, but the gesture only broke your heart even more. Nodding tightly, you made up excuses for your sudden absence and walked back to your dorm with tears dripping down your cheeks. Everyone noticed your change in behavior when you returned; especially Sooyoung who was hoping to see you come back much happier. It was only about 4pm when you got home so you bargained with Jihyun to let you shower although she was already getting ready to do so. You tried to convince yourself that she agreed because of your persuasion skills and not because of the tear tracks on your face. The hot water didn’t do much to curb your upset. You ate dinner in silence and crawled into bed before the sun even started to set.

Being a trainee means pushing a lot of things aside. You had to forget about Soobin. Monthly evaluations started in about a week, and you had to worry about nursing a wrist you had accidentally hurt during practice. During the day, you put on a mask for your members and the staff, laughing along at jokes and throwing yourself into your work in a way they all seemed to admire. Not a single night passed where you didn’t think about the shaky video of Soobin and the mystery girl. Not a single night passed where your heart didn’t ache in two ways. One, for the love you harborded so dangerously, and the other for the fact that you knew you could never trust Soobin. That even if he liked you back, his reckless show of public affection when he was already in the eye of the media would make a real relationship impossible. It was too risky for either of you.

News of their comeback traveled extremely fast. You had even seen Taehyun in the halls of the building and offered him a quick congratulations on their success. With every day that passed, you knew you were closer to the impending argument with Soobin; but you tried your best to push that to the back of your mind. Until you got a text from him. Seeing his name pop up on the screen after so long roused a lot of emotions you weren’t expecting. The message was nothing too remarkable, but you made plans to meet him the next day at his dorm.

When you arrived at his door, you felt nerves you hadn’t since the very first time you visited. You laid two hard knocks on the door and stood aside; hoping that Soobin had heard you. The door swung open gently to reveal Soobin’s towering frame. Your stomach rolled in an odd mix of happiness and anxiety upon seeing him for the first time in weeks. He ushered you in, giving you no more time to process your whirling thoughts.

“I like your hair,” your voice sounded odd even to your own ears, but you hoped Soobin would be distracted by the complement of his purple locks.

“Thank you!” he was beaming as he rubbed a chunk of hair between his fingers lovingly. His eyes shifted up and down your body as if examining every detail to find something new about you to compliment back. He remained quiet. The corners of your eyes began to burn under his scrutiny, and you felt something deep inside of you snap.

“Soobin,” you looked around the dorm, finding it surprisingly empty. He must have kicked all of the boys out for a few hours to have you over. “I wanted to talk to you about some stuff.” The leather of his couch squeaked underneath you as you sat and waited for him to do the same. He settled right next to you, close enough that you could feel the heat radiating from his side into yours. For a fleeting moment you contemplated saying nothing and letting yourself fall back into your normal pattern; but you knew you would regret it.

Sighing, you tried to ignore the way worry permeated every corner of Soobin’s face. “I saw a video of you uh,” a long pause “with another girl. Which is fine!” Your words became rushed as his face turned bright red. “It’s fine. I know we aren’t serious but the problem is,” your voice was starting to shake in a dangerous way. “The problem is that...I started to have real feelings for you. And when I saw that video I kind of lost it. I know it’s dumb but I just can’t keep pretending.” You had run this scenario so many times in your mind. You had imagined Soobin staying totally silent until you slipped out of the dorm alone. You imagined that he might argue with you, telling you that you were reckless for forming feelings over a friends with benefits relationship. What you never imagined was for him to lean over and attach his lips to yours in a fervor you had never felt from him. The rest of the world slowed as you kissed him. Really kissed him for the first time since the two of you started to hook up.

You could taste toothpaste on his tongue, and if your insides weren’t fighting with emotion you would have smiled into the kiss. When you finally pulled apart, Soobin pressed his forehead into yours and shut his eyes. You could feel his eyelashes flutter along your skin.

“I’m sorry,” his voice was the smallest you had ever heard it. “I’m sorry about the girl, the video, I just missed you and I was being stupid. I have feelings for you too.” What should have been a moment of celebration became a catalyst for war in your mind. You had prepared yourself for this possibility- repeating in a mantra that the relationship would only end badly for your public images.

But all those times you ran this scenario in your head, you didn’t account for the weight of his body against yours. You didn’t account for the way his voice shook, or the feeling of his skin resting so intimately against your own. You didn’t account for how raw and vulnerable this moment would be.

So you made a real life choice that theoretical you never would have been so weak as to consider. You wrapped your hands around the back of Soobin’s neck and pulled him in for another kiss. His surprise was evident at your move as he gasped against your lips. Every feeling you had toward him felt like it was bubbling over into a mess inside your brain. Fuzzy happiness was winning over until Soobin separated you from himself to cup your jaw in his hands. Taking the time to survey his face this closely made your heart break all over again. His face seemed to mirror back a similar sentiment as his fingers traced over your cheekbones.

“Soobin,” you whispered his name weakly; trying to ignore the tears beginning to leak from the corners of your eyes. His face crumpled at the sight and he rushed to shush you.

“Don’t cry,” he wiped the wetness away from your cheeks, “please don’t cry, why are you so upset?” His breath ghosted over your skin in a way that would haunt you for weeks to come.

“Because,” you hiccuped in a breath, “because we can’t do this. We can’t date, and we can’t keep doing this. There’s too much on the line either way.” Soobin stayed silent as you worked through your thoughts. “I just want to be with you one last time.”

In a movement you almost missed, the boy nodded solemnly. With the knowledge of your last goodbye weighing heavily on your minds, Soobin guided you into his bedroom. While the lighting in the room didn’t offer much clarity, you still knew your way around. Soobin made short work of undressing you, making sure to pay attention- in the form of kisses or loving caresses- to every newly exposed strip of skin. His mouth traveled down your neck, leaving the most possessive marks he had ever left on your collarbones. You could do nothing but whine under him at the thought of bright purple bruises spotting your skin tomorrow. Most nights you would have whined at him for taking too long, but the air was different this time. The last time.

You stood completely bare in front of him as he took a seat on his bed. He was still fully clothed although you could see a sliver of his smooth stomach where his shirt had ridden up. You could see the beginning of a bulge in his sweatpants and bittersweet excitement brewed within you.

“You are so so fucking pretty, come here,” he pulled you into his lap forcefully so that you could feel him directly against your core. The praises falling from his mouth made you weak at the knees and pliable to any of his wishes. A needy whine left your throat as you ground down on him instinctively. Both of his hands flew to your waist and grabbed at the flesh there as you let yourself get lost in the feeling of him slowly hardening. He made a particularly hard squeeze on your waist and you took that as a message to stop.

“Wanna finger you, baby,” Soobins usual shy and clumsy demeanor flew out of the window in a second. As you scrambled to lay down on your back, he finally stripped himself of his clothing. You openly stared at his body for much longer than normal and he let you, returning the gaze just as long. Memorizing. His cock stood proudly, as perfect as you always remembered it as your thighs rubbed together at the sight. Soobin tutted at you and pushed your legs apart forcefully.

“Not yet, love. You know you can’t take my cock without me stretching you open first.” You knew he was right but you whined at him anyway as a new wave of arousal rolled through you. “God,” Soobin grunted at the sight of you laid out beneath him. His deft fingers danced down your stomach, causing your hips to jump up toward his approaching hand. A small chuckle fell from him lips and you would have complained had he not chosen that exact moment to run his thumb around your clit in slow circles. You cried out at the touch. Having gone weeks without release made you extremely sensitive, and Soobin was using that to his advantage.

The slow circles sped up and then slowed down in an erratic pattern until you were so fed up with him you wanted to cry. “Soobin please, please stop teasing me, I need more!” You knew you were being loud but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

“I’ll give you whatever you want, baby. Just use your words,” his voice was velvety smooth, pitched deeper with lust.

“Your fingers!” The request was clumsy as it came out of your mouth but you couldn’t have cared less because he finally sunk one long finger inside of you. You wanted to thank him, but your tongue felt too heavy in your mouth so you settled for clenching your inner muscles around his digit. He groaned to himself as he pumped the single finger in and out before finally adding a second alongside it. The stretch burned a bit but you welcomed the gush of wetness that had Soobin swearing under his breath.

“Look at you. I was busy for a few weeks and suddenly your pussy can barely fit two fingers inside.” He began scissoring his fingers to widen your entrance. A string of pleas and curses fell from your lips constantly as he finally found your g-spot and continuously crooked his fingers over it. Your teeth sunk harshly into your bottom lip as you tried your best to keep it together but it was no use. Soobin had learned every tip and trick to getting you to cum. There was no eloquence left in your voice as you begged him for more and got just what you asked for. His second hand, which had been keeping pressure on your hips, played with your clit in circles and figure eight shapes in various speeds. It only took a few more seconds under his movements for you to announce your release and gush around his fingers. Despite your obvious orgasm, Soobin kept working his hands against you until the overstimulation became way too much. Your mind was so fuzzy afterwards that you could barely hear his praise.

“So good,” you vaguely made out as you came back to Earth to see his face hovering right over your own. He pressed kisses on every corner of your face until you were finally coherent enough to talk again.

“Soobs,” you didn’t miss the way he flinched at the nickname. “Please fuck me.” The words were blunt, you knew. But there was no need to beat around the bush anymore. Soobin groaned loudly, unabashedly palming at his own cock as he sat back on his heels. His positioning gave you an idea that had heat rushing through your veins anew. “Lemme ride you,” you rushed the words out, unsure if he had even heard them until he cursed loudly and drew his hand away from himself.

“That’s my girl. So good for me.” Soobin used your love for praise to his advantage as he settled at the head of his bed and waited for you to straddle his hips. His eyes were glazed with arousal as you held yourself over his cock and gave it a few experimental strokes. Soobin’s eyes fluttered shut and his reddened lips fell open in a sigh. In one swift movement, you began to sink down on him slowly. Your hands found support on his smooth stomach as you felt your knees buckle at the intrusion. Both of you whined loudly at the initial stretch. Fire coiled in your stomach as you worked yourself onto him in small increments. He was trying his best to let you take time to adjust, but his control was slipping more and more with every second.

A growl emitted from the back of Soobin’s throat as he tightened a hand on your left thigh as a not so subtle hint to get moving faster. You already felt so full that the idea of taking his entire length felt impossible. Your head fell, hair creating a curtain around your face in the exact second that Soobin’s strong hand pushed you all the way down his cock. A burning mix of pain and pleasure flooded your veins and made your inner walls clench around him. Soobin’s cock twitched inside you and the feeling drove you wild.

With the leverage your arms on his chest offered, you lifted your hips slowly before slamming them back down to connect your bodies. Pitchy whines escaped from your mouth with every single move you made. Soobin’s hands roamed all over, one traveling up to pinch at your nipples and another keeping a bruising grip on the flesh of your hip.

“God, you’re so pretty,” Soobin’s grunted praises peppered between moans only heightened your pleasure to a point where you could no longer keep your thoughts straight. Every sensation he was providing you became so overwhelming that you could barely continue a steady rhythm on his cock. He seemed to catch on to your slipping as his face softened. Chest heaving, you leaned forward to lay yourself on top of him. Your head fit perfectly into his shoulder and for a second you missed being able to see his face until he took the initiative to thrust up into you. He wrapped his arms around you so there was no escape from the pleasure of him filling you up. Soobin worked magic on your body, rolling his hips expertly to hit every spot inside of you while he whispered dirty praise to you.

“You feel so good, baby. So tight,” you clenched at his words and a breathy moan escaped his lips in a rush. Your clit ground against his pelvic bone; not enough to make you cum but enough to create more sparks in your core. Between his words and his hard and consistent thrusts you could feel your pleasure mounting to an intense high. The strong hold he had on you slipped away and he guided you to sit up once again. Seeing his flushed face drew out a desperate whine and buck of your hips.

“Look at me,” Soobin’s voice was oddly calm and collected as you obeyed the request. He thrusted up into you even faster and you had to fight to keep your eyes on his.

“Soobs, I’m gonna cum,” your voice was strung out and breathy but it only pushed Soobin further. Without your realization, Soobin circled a thumb around your clit and you were soon hurdling off the edge of your orgasm, vision going blank with the pleasure. Although you were lost in a haze of pleasure, you could hear Soobin’s grunts growing louder and more frequent before he released inside of you; warmth flooding your insides as he came.

Neither of you moved for several minutes. Your breathing gradually slowed to a normal rate and Soobin’s cock softened inside of you; but you stayed still on top of him anyway. No words were exchanged until he lifted your chin with two fingers.

“You have to know that I really do like you. I’ve liked you since the first time we met.” The words sent a dagger through your heart and you would have looked away from him if it weren’t for the strong grip he had on your jaw. His breath hitched as he spoke again; “but I can understand why you don’t think I’m worth it.”

The way he worded it broke a dam of emotions inside of you and suddenly you were sobbing, struggling to even catch your breath. Soobin panicked a little, rubbing your sides and softly pulling out of you. Both of you ignored the stickiness the move created in favor of laying your back down on the sheets. He shushed you, producing some tissues out of nowhere to deal with the mess between your sensitive thighs. When the crying stopped, all that was left behind was cold emptiness. You redressed in stunning silence, hyper aware of Soobin’s eyes on you. You didn’t know what else to say to him.

“I wish I had met you in another life,” you sniffled, “I’m going to miss you.” The words were supercharged and you clenched your teeth to refrain from crying again. Soobin reached out for your hand and you reluctantly let him lace his fingers through yours.

“I’ll miss you too. You know that-” he swallowed audibly “You can come back here, back to me...whenever you want. I have a place for you,” he guided your clasped hands to hover right over his heart, “right here.”

Leaving was the hardest part. Both of you stalled in every possible way. You pretended you lost your phone even though you knew it was in your bag. Soobin offered to let you take a shower before you went back to your own dorm. Eventually, it was time for the both of you to face the truth. At the front door, where the light was much brighter, you could see shiny tear tracks decorating Soobin’s puffy cheeks in a way you never wanted to see again. You felt like you could puke just at the thought of having caused him that pain. With one hand on the doorknob, you steadied yourself to say goodbye to him, goodbye to this one last time.

“I’ll um, see you around? At work.” You didn’t even bother to smile at him. He simply nodded and fixed his gaze on the ground. He didn’t want to watch you leave. The door squealed as you pulled it open, shattering the quiet atmosphere into messy, anxious pieces. You rushed out of his dorm without another word and began your walk home. It was a clear night, so you stopped briefly to stare up at the stars. You would never not think about Soobin.

608 notes · View notes

kimnjss · 4 years

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grand gesture | ksj

⤑ series: sugar free

⤑ genre: angst, rich!jin x artist!reader, college au.

⤑ rating: PG13

⤑ word count: 1.5K

⤑ warnings: there aren’t any, lmao.

⤑ A/N: this is a bit short, but it’s straight to the point and meant to be that way!! just felt like this part worked better written then told through text, so yeah you’ll see what i mean! let me know what you think x

A full week passed. A full week of ignored gifts being dumped on your front porch. You were seriously considering selling them, no desire to collect his half ass-ed apology. This was the exact reason why you were hesitant to get involved with him in the first place. He was exactly like how you thought he'd be.

Of course, he'd approach you on a bet. Of course, this would all be about money. It was all that kid cared about. The way he was flaunting it, trying to buy your forgiveness was proof enough. Did he not get it? Was he that dim?

The only thing that bothered you about this whole situation was the time you wasted hanging around him. All that time you could've used working on projects or perfecting your craft... spent and wasted with the hope of trying to get to know the guy. What a waste.

Despite the constant interruption of a knock at your front door, you had decided that you were going to use all this new free time to concentrate on your art. Summoning all the inspiration you could to create... something. It actually was harder than you thought, feeling unbelievably uninspired and a little bit sad.

From your friends, you had requested they didn't pop in whenever they wanted. Felt like you'd work better if you had a chance to be alone. What you didn't realize was that with all this alone time you really had a chance to evaluate your feelings... what you had been suppressing since that night out with Jin.

It had been obvious to the people around you, but you refused to listen. It was hard to ignore now. You were a bit sad, to be honest. It had been a while since you were able to let go and actually enjoy being around someone... romantically, and you hadn't expected it at first but you really were starting to like him.

Things were comfortable around him, he was funny in a nice way, cared a lot about keeping things light, and actually listened when you ranted about whatever was bugging you at the time. It had only been a few weeks spent with him, two dates in that time but you really enjoyed yourself.

A little bummed that it had to end this way. Couldn't help but wonder if you had overreacted, if you should have listened when he tried to text you about it. Stopped being so stubborn and forgave him like everyone had said that you should. Maybe then you wouldn't be this miserable, suffering from this horrible artist's block, you didn't even know if you were holding your paintbrush correctly.

The welcomed knock on your door had you standing a little too quickly, ready to ditch this blank canvas and see whatever had been sent your way. Nothing came in yesterday and you had assumed he got the hint... hoped he hadn't.

There's an arch in your brow at the lack of delivery man at your front door. With confusion written in your features, you're putting the front door open; eyes landing on a sad-looking Seokjin. He's dressed casually, opposite of the expensive tops and form-fitting jeans he usually put on. Pair of joggers and a plain t-shirt. The change was nice, made him look younger.

He shifted on his feet, hands behind his back eyes trained on his sneakers. You had to fight the smile that pushed it's way onto your lips, happy to see him standing in front of you – but quickly reminding yourself why he had to show up like this in the first place. Main priority was to be strong in this situation, figure out what he was doing here and deal with it. Not swoon and go all heart-eyed just because he showed up.

He should've shown up before all of this.

“What are you doing here? No ridiculously expensive coat to add to the donation pile?” Jin shifts at the sound of your voice, lifting his head to look up at you. He looks sad that you can't help but wonder if you're being a bit mean to him.

Although, him betting on your sex life was pretty mean in itself, right? Getting you to like him just to turn around and make you apart of some sick joke, that's mean.

“N-no, no gifts... they weren't working anyway,” He sighs, arm reaching up to rub at the back of his neck in the awkward way you notice he was always doing. Couldn't believe you had started to find the action cute.

“Yeah, sucks. You can't buy someone's forgiveness,” There's bite in your tone but he doesn't flinch, just looks down nodding his head. “Yeah, I deserve that. I shouldn't have treated this like some business transaction. I hurt you... I should've manned up and came to you.”

You're reading to rip into him again until his words are registering in your mind. Did he come here to... apologize? Eyes blinking as you stare at him, Jin takes your silence as a sign he should continue.

“Yn, I'm sorry. I hate that I fucked with you like that and even more that you're upset. I know you won't forgive me, I'm not expecting you to... I just figured I should at least say it, like for real, you know? We were having a good time together and I really like you, so I owe you at least a proper apology.”

There's a warmth that spreads throughout your body at hearing his words. Not sure if it was from the apology or the fact that he had just told you... to your face, that he liked you. What you had been wanting to hear this entire week was an explanation from him, not through text and not in the form of some designer shoes... like a real explanation. Could see yourself forgiving him if he gave you that.

“Why'd you do it?” Your voice is quieter than you remember as if you're afraid of the reason. Either way, you don't back down. Staring straight at him as if you're strong, waiting to hear what he has to say. “Because I liked you. And I know how stupid that sounds, but I was too chicken shit to do something about it... so I just used the bet as an excuse,”

Jin had said that you didn't have to forgive him, but that didn't stop the hopeful look in his eyes. Watching as you tossed his words around in your head, waiting for that smile of yours to appear as you told him that it was all okay. That you forgave him and if he promised he never did something stupid like this again, you two could go back to falling for each other as you had been before.

It didn't come. Instead, you were just nodding, taking a step back into your house. “Alright, well... thanks for coming here and apologizing.”

“So that's it?” The words are falling from his lips before he has a chance to stop them. Not realizing how expectant they sound, how he had promised himself he wouldn't act that way at this moment because he knew you hated it. “I mean... were you thinking we could, maybe, try again?” You can hear the hope in his voice and you don't miss it.

Did you want to try again? Let him in all over again as he attempted to break down your walls, he had done a pretty good job at it before. Were you ready for all that? All that came with being with him... like actually being with him. Before it had been different, you weren't sure of your feelings then, but now, you knew that you'd want more from him. An actual relationship. Would he even be able to do that?

“Was that what you were hoping for? Why you came by to apologize?” He's shaking his head before the words can fully leave your mouth.

“No, I came here because you deserved a proper apology because I was sick of being a coward about all of this. I want to be with you because... well because you're amazing and I don't want to miss out on that,” He's offering a small smile up to you, one you're returning almost instantly.

Still, there's something holding you back, but you're unable to place it. Needed to figure out what it was before you were leaping into a relationship with the guy. “Could I...? Could I think about it?”

“Yes, yeah!” The smile on his lips grows as he steps off of your porch, mission accomplished. “Take all the time you need to think about it... you can call me when you decide? My numbers the same!” You can't help but laugh at his quick shift of demeanor, the way he basically runs down your driveway before you can change your mind.

You stand and watch the entire time he jogs down the street until he's ducking into his car, and speeding off with a wave out the window. A hand lifts to wave back, heart thudding in your chest as you stepped back into your house. About to give this situation some serious thought... were you really going to be able to handle being with Kim Seokjin?

– rich, spoiled and a bit of a womanizer. but underneath all of that, there’s a heart of gold. and no matter how determined she is to reject him, he won’t stop trying until she sees he’s kinda sweet.

↲ masterlist ↳

taglist: @randomkoalablog @smoljams @dee-ehn @jaiuneamesolitaiire @lilacdreams-00 @sw33tnight @bangtansonyeondayyyum @okblve @jinhitwhore @tae165 @hellotherehoneybee @bangtansbun @betysotelo18 @cherriigguk @koostime @kooinluv @butterflylion @kookiesjoonies @uxwi @honeyoongles @imajiningseokjin @amoreguk @beeeb05 @tommasauras @bluefaeriefury @butterflylion @withlovestudyblr @samros95 @korkanswers @houseofarmanto @soulstaes @thesunisup-theskyisblue @jinsearth @aizuwusho @moonb0yy @tan-dulset @8sjaf @mini-coop25 @marifujioka @sunskook @elliemeetsevil @ratking101 @leovaldezisfire @greyaceupyoursleeve @emmy17jane

A/N: timestamps are important throughout the fic!! if you want to be added to the taglist, send me an ask! also if you asked to be on the taglist and aren’t on there, it’s because tumblr sometimes doesn’t let me tag ppl for some reason.

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discojupiters · 3 years

Text

Another Lonely Night in New York

Casually uploading Bee Gees fanfic as if I haven't had this account for almost five years and I'm just now using it to post stuff because I am upset at the lack of Bee Gees fanfic that exists and I need to change that also cuz I haven't posted on any form of social media in literal ages and I just really want an excuse to post classic rock shitposts and whatnot. :D

Ao3 link to the fanfic if you'd prefer to read it there

Another Lonely Night in New York

Robin/Fluff

The rain had been predominantly worse at night than it had been in the morning. Dense raindrops splattered onto Robin's hotel room window as he sat near the window, flinching every now and then at the speed at which the pellets of rain struck the window. The weather had been like this for almost the entirety of Robin's stay in Manhattan, which made it difficult for him to see many of sights that he originally intended to see. He stayed for nearly 4 days straight cooped up in his hotel room and if he forced himself to stay in there a minute longer, he was about to go mentally insane; he had to get out and go outside for a stroll. Despite the brutal showers and the absence of an umbrella, he put on his coat and made his way down to the lobby and out the door. He knew not where his first stop would be nor how long he'd be out, all he knew was that he needed fresh air, whether the air was battling fierce weather or not. Robin trekked out east in hopes to find something worthy of his time.

Robin had originally desired to head to New York in order to find inspiration for new music for his solo album that he was working on. After the Bee Gees decided to take a break for a bit following the release of Living Eyes, Robin found himself in a great opportunity to release more solo albums and expand his talent as a songwriter. His intentions were unfortunately tampered with as the climate in New York at this time was not the best. Little to no inspiration had crossed through his mind for the entirety of his trip and he only had one more day before he needed to be back in London to begin recording sessions.

Robin's mind was as blank as a fresh piece of paper as he strolled through the streets of midtown Manhattan. Bright and colorful lights guided him to Times Square in what felt like no time. Robin had only prayed that something in those lively, radiant billboards and lights would make a light bulb go off in his head and give him enough material to write a perfect song.

The rain showed no signs of stopping any time soon, and it wasn't until now that Robin realized how foolish he looked sopping wet with his hair sticking to his face and neck while everyone else were as dry as bones under their umbrellas. Robin reached for the hood of his coat to hide his drenched hair only to notice he brought the coat without a hood instead of the other one he had in his room that did have a hood. He thought for a moment about heading back to the hotel to spare the rest of his embarrassment but he kept walking, tenacious to find even the smallest bit of inspiration for a new song.

The stop at a crosswalk was the first break Robin had given his legs in God knows how long the amount of time he had been walking for. They ached almost enough for Robin's knees to buckle and give out on him. He could feel people staring at him, businessmen coming home late from their office jobs, young fools in love heading to various restaurants and clubs downtown, rebellious teens on their way to their secret hideouts. All these people nice and dry under their umbrellas while they stared at the lonely freak in New York who couldn't have even bothered to bring the correct coat in order to save his head from the rainfall.

'Another lonely night in New York'

Eagerly waiting for the crosswalk light to flash white, at this point he couldn't wait until it was time to go back home to London. This trip had been nothing but disappointing to him. No benefits to his song writing or even his own well being what so ever. The only thing he'd catch from this trip now would be a cold from the rainwater coating his entire body, making his pants stick to his legs, seeping into his sneakers and making his socks damp, that he'd have to deal with once he got back home. On the bright side if he did catch a cold then he would be able to delay the recording sessions until his voice got better which would give him more time to write some more material for the album.

'The city of dreams just keeps on getting me down'

In the midst of all the dismay washing over him, he almost didn't notice that the rain had suddenly begun to repel him. He could still see the rain in front of him, yet none of it was touching him anymore. Puzzled, he looked above his head to see what had happened, but all he spotted was a black, dome shaped piece of nylon; the canopy of an umbrella above his head. The misty scent of perfume filled his nostrils. He glanced over to the right of him to find a woman holding the umbrella over his head for him. Her resting face was nonchalant as she peered across the street, also waiting for the crosswalk light to turn white, but she gave a coy smile to Robin when she noticed him staring at her.

Robin wanted to speak up, wanted to thank the winsome young lady for sharing her umbrella with him, but the words wouldn't come to him. As the crosswalk light finally changed, everyone made their way across the street. New Yorkers were fast walkers, it was strenuous to keep up with the woman. Her strut was self-assured, even in the six inch stilettos that she wore; it was like she injected confidence into her veins every morning. Robin was mesmerized by her. He was still thinking about the smile she gave him when they were on the other side of the crosswalk, trying his best to hide a cheeky, daydreaming smile.

As the walk with the woman continued, Robin couldn't help but wonder: Was he going to be following this woman around until she reached her destination? Did they both have the same destination? Robin didn't even know where he would end up, he wracked his brain wondering if this woman was gonna lead him somewhere or if she was just doing a quick favor and wanted him to leave now. The woman hadn't spoke the whole time. Her nonchalant expression turned into a gentle smile yet she refused to look at Robin anymore than that one glance she shot at him when he noticed her.

Robin and the woman were now exiting Times Square, the high-spirited lights merely staining the background now as the woman continued to head for the subway. Robin knew right then and there that it was time for him to head back, as much as he adored this woman, he couldn't take a chance. He didn't know her and God forbid he let himself get killed tonight all because he had love fogging up his brain just for a woman who did a single kind deed for him. Again, Robin's mouth couldn't open to say a goodbye. It was like his throat was frozen every time he was near this woman. After an extensive fight to make the words come out, he gave up and instead stayed put in his spot on the sidewalk, waiting for the woman to notice and hopefully say goodbye first. After the woman reached a few paces noticing Robin had left her side, she worriedly glanced around, holding onto her hair to make sure the rain didn't touch it. She glimpsed behind her to find Robin slowly sauntering backwards in order to give her the indication that he was leaving. She relaxed her arms as her gloved hands waved goodbye to Robin, granting him the same kittenish smile she had given him earlier that night. Robin waved back and finally turned around to make his way back to the hotel.

Robin tried hard not to glance back every few seconds to get one last look at the woman, but failed miserably; he couldn't help it. After fully losing sight of the woman, he ran back to his hotel. He was grateful that she helped him, yet suddenly glum now that he was aware that he may never see that woman again. He didn't know anything about her, not her name, not her voice, not her story, but that didn't stop him from falling head over heels for her. He knew that feeling wouldn't last long, it would probably be gone by the time he'd step foot on the plane back to London, but it was a nice thought to occupy his mind with for the time being. It fascinated him at times that he could be so in love with a woman that he knew absolutely nothing about all because she noticed him and did something good for him.

'Cause my baby's no longer around and my feelings can never be found'

Robin made it back to the hotel, tracking puddles of the water all the way up to his room. The first thing he did upon entering his room was remove all of his drenched clothes and head for the shower. Once he dried himself off, he frantically searched the room for a pencil and paper, heading to his window when he finally had one. Before he could even write down a single lyric, he found her. The woman who had helped him. She was making her way down the street of the hotel as if she had been walking in circles this entire time. Was she actually trying to reach a certain destination? Or was she just out and about looking for men to swoon over her through her acts of kindness? It didn't matter to Robin, because at least he got to take one last look at her that night. That was all he needed for inspiration. If that woman was enough to give a songwriter with writer's block inspiration for a new song, than in Robin's book that woman was enough to make the world go 'round. Robin wrote down lyrics as swiftly as they came to him.

'Another lonely night in New York, and my sorry eyes are looking out on the world'

#bee gees #barry gibb #robin gibb #maurice gibb #bee gees fanfic #robin gibb fanfic #robin gibb fluff

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emeraldbabygirl · 3 years

Text

Hanbin was accused, Hanbin was cleared

Wonho was accused, Wonho was cleared

Woojin was accused. Woojin is cleared

Illhoon was accused. I believe Illhoon too will be cleared.

I can finally speak out on of the things that has been bothering me since the news broke out. At the time it was very scary and stressful as we were dealing with the wildfires in our state at the same time so I was already having a hard time. Woojin was my bias and I never believed he would do something like that. I know everyone says to believe the victim but innocent until proven guilty is still valid and victims lie, it happens often and we all know how fans and antis get sometimes, just like Wonho and Hanbin people will do anything to throw idols under the bus.

The scariest thing for me to see was how quick everyone was in defending Hanbin and Wonho and how quick the same people threw Woojin away, immediately spreading hate and sending death threat and calling him fake and all these names and just obnoxious behaiver. I understand we were all upset but you can’t just believe someone right away with no evidence and so many holes in their story. And sometimes it’s best to wait it out and then make a decision.

It wasn’t just Woojin that was caught up in the whirlwind, Jungwoo, Chanwoo, Hongjoong, Seonghwa and a few more that I can’t remember were also names thrown out from so many people. Their biggest thing was when they claimed he was a member from the big three, had a w and two o’s in his name. This is not a good statement because for one thing Woojin left Stray Kids and JYP so not only was he out of the big 3 but he’s not the only one with those letters in his name. Jungwoo and Chanwoo are also under the big three and have a w and two o’s in their names.

Back when it was so big on Twitter the Jungwoo tags were all stating that Woojin was innocent but the Stray Kids tags were saying he was guilty. Even the supposed person themselves posted one last tweet before delete the account stating it was all fake but no one took that screenshot so people were led to believe it was all fake

And then on the bullying, I’ve seen a lot of videos saying ‘this idol bullying this group’ or ‘this group bullying this member for 8 minutes’ and multiple videos being taken out of context and people claiming that since Woojin doesn’t speak a lot in some videos it’s proof he doesn’t get along and the member don’t like him. Y’all that’s not how things work. Just because you aren’t fully engaged in an activity or if you aren’t getting along doesn’t make you a bully or a bad person, Woojin was going through his own shit and idols lives are hard enough, if they feel out of it sometimes it’s not okay for us to immediately accuse them of such things like ‘they don’t like their members, they don’t get along, they are bullies.’

Idols live together and are around each other often so what you might see as “bullying” might just be them goofing off I mean ffs there is a video titled ‘ATEEZ bullying Seonghwa’ and y’all fine with that because they are only goofing around and teasing each other but you automatically assume from any footage or out of context video of Woojin playing with and teasing the members that he’s a bully. Why are you putting double standards on this? Bullying is a very serious accusation and rumors and spreading false information or any information with no evidence can ruin an idols careers. Tara and Co-Ed School unfortunately we’re big examples of this. The Tara bullying scandal ruined those girls and all the rumors and accusations caused Co-Ed School to disband before anyone could say everything was false. You have to be careful with what you say and what you hear and see cause if it’s not true and everyone believes it is you ruined a whole idols career before it can even be fixed.

Ok so, yes I know everyone says “the victim is always right” and it’s okay if you want to believe that but remember there are two sides to every story and both parties are valid until further evidence or actual evidence and you are able to prove whether or not something actually happened. I had some other things to say but I’ll let those slide and it doesn’t matter not because Woojin is innocent and it’s great news. I’m so relieved because he was my bias and I was so heartbroken when he left and when I heard about the trouble he was going through. I was so afraid to even say Woojin because everyone was censering it, acting like it was a bad name and that’s not fair on Woojin himself and it’s also not fair on the other idols named Woojin because there are at least 5 Woojins so for people to be doing that is like, you’re invalidating the other Woojin’s just because you think one Woojin is bad. Seeing people tag Woojin like w***** or w**jin and woojail and tw woojin is really upsetting and that’s not okay, that’s like bullying, calling him woojail is not okay at all. Pretending his name is a trigger when it’s not and if his name was a trigger than all the idols named Woojin would have that and censoring his name, again you’re invalidating all the other woojins. And everyone that says “ot8 or get the fuck out” or “if you still support Woojin fuck off” like..he’s literally fucking innocent. It was a bunch of Brazilian antis that started all the lies and rumors and after all the stories that don’t make sense and people still think he’s guilty and they are still sending him hate and being absolute assholes towards him. If you don’t want to believe that he’s innocent, if you don’t want to like him fine. Don’t talk about him don’t make a bunch of woojail posts, don’t send him hate or death threats because you’re 1. Making things worse and 2. Care enough about him to make his life miserable which is exactly what antis do and what those antis did. It pisses me off and upsets me how fast everyone just turned on him and they continue to bully him and send him unnecessary hate. Also it’s ok to tag Stray kids and Woojin because he was a member of Stray Kids so don’t give people shit for tagging Stray Kids.

So I’m gonna end this posts educating y’all about the multiple Woojins and it’s okay to say and spell Woojin you guys. It’s alright, you won’t get in trouble. So Woojin, my boy who I miss so so much Kim Woojin who was in Stray Kids, there’s my Thot Woojin from Target, an amazing rapper btw, I do believe there is a Woojin in AB6IX and of course there is the hot Woojin from My.st who just has this whole vibe to him that is dead sexy. Also the Woojin from Teenteen/Ghost9 and also also your gurl found a sexy man, despite me not being into body builders, I found a man on Insta named Kim Woojin and he is definitely a fucking snaCC. So thanks and enjoy the Woojins. I can get back to making my memes again. I’m just sad that I believed and jumped to conclusions and deleted some Woojin posts. But I stopped myself before I deleted all of them

ALSO ALSO recently it’s been pointed out how did Woojin has been and someone described it as what Jonghyun looked like before he left us. Woojin is my boy and I’ve been worrying about him ever since he left Stray Kids and I swear on god Hui and my camera roll if he hurts himself in any way or we lose another wonderful person I will blame Bangchan. I will blame Felix, I will blame JYP and I will blame everyone that started the rumors, the lies, the people that sent Woojin mean messages, death threats, bullying him because you don’t need to like an idol no matter what they do but bullying them and sending unnecessary hate to them is not ok no matter what they did. Even if it’s bad just ignore it because you sending them mean comments doesn’t make you any better. I was already pissed off at fans and everyone else and Bangchan and Felix for all the mean comments and everything else they were doing and I’ll be even more pissed off if this whole situation was too much for him on top of his depression and he ended his life.

Ok you know what, I’m so fucking pissed off over these posts I’m seeing on tumblr and I’m upset and I’m still having thoughts on whether or not I should post this but you know what. I don’t care. It’s my blog, it’s my opinion and it’s my feelings that I need to get off my chest. Kim Woojin is innocent and if I get any hate of any kind my stomach will do flips but y’all should know better especially if you don’t agree with me so have fun I guess I’ll probably delete or block you so I don’t have to hear your meany-ness. It’s my opinion, my post and my blog and if you don’t like it then I have nothing to say to you.

#in the great words of brian may ‘fack off’#stray kids #woojin #kim woojin #uwujin #baby bear #the kpop community is so toxic with their cancel culture its disgusting #personal #a rant #i want to be all fuck off but im losing mutuals over this i know it #and that makes me sad #i know i have mutuals that dont like woojin so i feel like this will just end the friendship #oh well i guess

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rpbetter · 3 years

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You make some really good posts!! Can I ask something about DNIs? I know it's not directly RP-related, but I have trouble as an RPer with how many DNIs, with urls, there are now. I try not to interact with muns who have them, I block them, because it feels manipulative? But I'm also tempted to block people who follow those muns, because they probably think their DNIs are okay to have, so they're still "bad", just not as bad? Do you think that's overkill, am I shooting myself in the foot?

Oh, thank you! I'm very happy you've enjoyed them!

And, of course, ask anything at all!

I think, ultimately, the answer to whether that's overkill is entirely dependent on what your experience is and if you're happy with it. I don't think it is overkill at all, but if you feel like it is costing you too many mutuals, it might be overkill for you.

I'm a pretty insular RPer, I like a handful of close writing partners that I write a lot of threads with, so, having something like, under ten writing partners is great for me while it's miserable for other muns. I can go wild on blocking and not have it negatively impact my enjoyment, but I know that's not the case for everyone!

And I do, actually, I do go pretty wild with the blocking when it comes to things like DNIs. If it comes off as policing to me, not just something like a difference of opinion or a strong opinion on something, I'm going to block. Otherwise, it's just recognizing that this isn't a mun I'm going to work out with, but no hard feelings. With policing though...I don't want that anywhere near me or my mutuals, so, it's going to be a block.

Because they do tend to be in these odd, like, nested situations lol I totally will spend the effort if their DNI is bad enough to look at the muns they interact with and make sure I don't have future contact with them either. The RPC is such a big place, making it easier to forget URLs than to remember them, but it's also a place where we establish circles of contact, making it easier to run into the same group repeatedly. I feel like it's better for my peace of mind to be a little more certain than not at all that this isn't going to happen as easily.

If that DNI etc. has been so awful, I definitely don't require their mutuals professing the same beliefs as loudly as they are. If you interact with someone, maybe you don't know their pet fish's name or the obscure lore in a headcanon they posted five years ago or the rule they updated without telling anyone, but you do know what is on their pinned post or blog description or rules. At some point, we all visit each other's blogs in dash-view if nothing else when we're getting replies or checking for memes they might have posted, going through their tags, whatever. I do not believe that you're mutuals who reblog from each other often, reply frequently to each other, ship each other's muses and so forth, and all this time, you've somehow failed to notice your bestie mun is telling proshippers to die in their DNI lmao

No, you've seen it. And I find it extremely hard to believe, too, that it's never come up in conversation OOC either.

So, this hypothetical mutual is so oblivious to others, completely agrees with the other one's views while not feeling confident enough to share them publicly, or is scared enough of the other one that they won't disagree...and no matter which/which combination that might be, they're not a mutual I want.

Especially when it comes to a DNI with someone's URL in it. Hard pass on anyone who is okay with that!

If I visited a writing partner's blog, let's say this person is also my closest friend, I value them and the threads I have with them so much, and I saw that in their DNI they had dropped someone's URL? We would have to talk. I'd have to bring it up because it's the right thing to do (and would also be highly out of character for any of my friends, thus very concerning). There would have to be a question posed about what happened here, why did you feel like this was a good choice, and do you think it's increasing or lessening the problem to have that there?

Honestly, sometimes people do get so upset about something that has happened that their worst impulses are let loose freely. When you ask someone you have an established relationship with about that, unless you're being really hateful about it right off, it can help them settle down, take a step back, and see that this is maybe not the right action to take. To me, silence says you're okay with it.

When muns started putting more elaborate DNI's in, that alone rubbed me the wrong way because I genuinely do not think that the majority of that information is at all necessary. It's something I can see and fully understand minors doing, not because they're terrible or anything but because the impulses and rationale are just different. You're very much geared to be as loud as possible about things that are important to you, making them a part of you in a huge way, as a teenager. Shit just is unreasonably intense! But as an adult, I expect that behavior to be different. You don't actually need to say on your RP blog's DNI that "transphobes WILL be blocked!!!"

Well, yes, I should hope so lol we're a community filled with muns who are trans, I'd certainly hope you were not cool with that kind of thing. It's one of those assumptive states, it goes without saying because, in a group of legitimate adults, it literally doesn't have to be said that a trans mun in a group of trans muns in a RPC filled with trans muns would be intolerant of transphobic assholes.

And, no one likes a damn transphobe, it's not like this stunning, fresh information, here. Not making such a statement does not, in fact, act as a welcome.

Saying that, and I do not mean literally just that, it's just an example of the type of things found in a common DNI, is a little immature for me. Some of those things are, in addition to being purely self-validating: playing into the fear created by policing, virtue signaling, policing, or baiting. And all of them are pointless. Telling someone who would already be bigoted toward you and others to not interact if they somehow miraculously ID as whatever label that takes for them to not interact with your posts is waving a metaphoric red flag in front of a bull. Kind of like tagging a post as either "antis don't interact" or "proshippers don't interact." Actual quickest and most assured way to get that interaction!

I totally understand the age thing, it's self-protecting. Most people do respect it, but when they don't, you've clearly stated that this is not for whatever age group. Things pertaining to your writing and/or muse I also understand and think are great for a quick glance before someone even gets to the rules. Having in a DNI something like "muns who are easily triggered by gore" when you write a horror muse, for instance. You're advising them that this isn't a great idea for them, and it shouldn't be expected that you change your muse and topics because they decided to follow anyway.

But it became excessive very quickly, and there is the expectation that blogs have a DNI. The further expectation is that there be a specific list of things found in that DNI, if yours does not include it, you obviously don't have a problem with those things. I really cannot be okay with that, you know?

However, when it wasn't being used as a callout or a way to police, that was something that could just be ignored. Once URLs of other RPers started to appear, it was a whole other problem.

It used to be the pervading rule of the RPC that it is not alright to force other muns to chose between you and another mun that you had an issue with, but now we have DNIs with other muns' URLs in them. Now, it's the opposite take - if you have an issue with a URL being dropped in a DNI, or if you continue to interact with the mun, you're likely to get a callout or be on the receiving end of other bullying.

So, I very much think the self-insulating thing to do is to avoid those mutuals as well as the RPer with the URL-laden DNI. They could just block you, but is someone who was so juvenile as to put another mun's URL in their damn DNI going to be mature enough to do that? Will their friends once they complain about you? For me, it's too high of a risk of being around muns I wish would take a very long break from RP and only come back once they've grown up some.

I would never advise anyone to do something that is erring on the side of getting them into harassment water unnecessarily (as in, not something that pertains to digging in your heels and writing what you want or not tolerating bullying where you see it happening), and I feel like not doing what you are is that. However, I also am a firm believer in agency, even to make mistakes.

So, if you genuinely feel like blocking mutuals of someone with a URL-dropped/callout/other highly offensive and bullying thing in their DNI is costing you so many chances to RP that you're no longer enjoying yourself here? You might want to consider adjusting how widely you are blocking.

If that's the case, try going for mutuals who are what I call Casual Mutuals and leaving them open. Those are mutuals that the mun doesn't write with often or at all, they're technically mutuals because they both follow each other, but that's it. There might be some liking of posts or even comments or non-committal, OOC style memes sent in by Casual Mutuals, but that interaction is sparse and, yep, casual. These mutuals might legitimately be unaware of the mun's hateful, bullying bullshit in the DNI, or they are actually afraid to unfollow/block them at this point, so their option feels like staying around as quietly as possible.

With that last deal...you could even be doing someone a favor, Anon. When I've encountered that situation before, it's come about because the other person's Casual Mutual is painfully anxious, shy, and a previous victim of bullying. They feel isolated, they don't have many or any writing partners, and they really, truly, are terrified to distance themselves in a way that might be noticed. It's a type of toxic interaction that rarely gets mentioned in PSAs, presumably because it is so low on the actual interaction scale.

Giving them someone else in their corner, especially if that other mun is more open about their intolerant stance on bullying, can go a long way toward giving someone else confidence. I've had other people's Casual Mutuals become my Casual Mutuals and wouldn't you know it? After a while, they get braver. They see my friends and mutuals doing our thing without any of the bullying going on, they see us supporting anti-policing and not tolerating bullying, and they get brave enough to unfollow the hateful mun. It feels nice to even inadvertently help someone, and over the years, some of those Casual Mutuals have become great writing partners, too. People I would have missed if I had made the choice to block them by the association of a hateful mun they were trapped in the orbit of.

Just try to exercise caution! You seem like a reasonable person who doesn't mind truly thinking on things or doing the work required to be cautious. Assume the close mutuals are a problem, too, and block away. Build a wall with some razor wire on it with those blocks! Don't assume the low-interaction, very casual mutuals are, though. Check out their blogs for signs of agreement with Hateful Mun, and if they don't have any, give them a shot as far as just leaving them unblocked goes.

I also have to say, here at the end, that it's extremely nice to see that people out there are doing this. Honestly would have thought I'd be the last person to encourage a ton of blocking, but that's the environment of the RPC now, and it's really the only way we can deal with this issue. You can't reason with these people, you can't stop them, you can only stay away from them for your own good and send a message that this isn't benefiting them. Not everyone agrees with them, they're not going to keep having people left open for their attacks or their RP entertainment. And if enough people are just walling them off, that is a message they'll have to receive because RP runs on interaction with others.

They might think they want every "nasty ass" xyz Problematic RPer to block them, not interact, or vanish from their view of the RPC, but I don't think they realize what that really looks like. What it looks like is a huge percentage of the RPC missing, including people they didn't realize were "problematic." We tend to be quieter, wanting to stay in our own lanes and actually enjoy the hobby and each other. That's why they have to resort to shit like making everyone pre-guilty, or setting up traps to catch people out on being "gross."

So, I genuinely do not think they're prepared for the rude awakening of silence that would happen if we all actually vanished, but I am dying to see it lol and do sometimes have to wonder if the complaints about the RPC being dead/dying/empty, not in a fandom but overall, are coming from the purity police some of the time. It's quite active over on the Leave Folks Alone Over Fiction side of life :D

#answered #anonymous #policing #dni lists #blocking #rp advice #rp problems

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ginger-and-mint · 3 years

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Happy birthday Myx! 🥳🎂 Have Several questions because I Want To Know Things. ^^; Illness & Injury 6 for everyone, Whump 2 & 3 for everyone, and Writer's 2, 13, 19, and 46 for you!

thank you Mel! ♡ and oh my gosh I’m so delighted by this abundance of questions!

6. What is their go-to remedy for an upset stomach?

Kara and Bramley both like some warmth on unhappy tummy. They’ll make themselves tea, more for the warmth than anything else, and sip it while taking it easy. Kara is likely to get herself a little warm pack too if she can.

Malia tends to go straight for medicine or a tonic. She doesn’t like to be slowed down by her body, and so will opt for whatever she thinks will be most effective in the shortest amount of time.

Si, being a song-mage, was once surrounded by fellow song-mage friends they could ask to cast a stomach-settling healing spell on them. With that option off the table, they'll also look for a fast-acting medicine or tonic.

Grayson and Elliott both try to ignore an upset stomach for a little while in the hopes that it’ll settle. When that fails, Grayson will go get himself a tonic and complain to his friends until it kicks in, while Elliott will either try sitting quietly and sipping on water or tea, or if he can get away, just sleeping it off.

Ryder is knowledgeable enough to take a different approach depending on how upset his stomach is. For something minor, he’ll make himself a digestion-easing tea, like mint or chamomile. If he knows that won’t be effective, he’ll go straight to a tonic. When it’s something he’s eaten that’s not agreeing with him, sometimes he’ll just go make himself throw up to get it out of his system.

2. What is their pain tolerance? Do they close their eyes and block it out, or go into a full blown panic?

Grayson really hates tolerating pain, but if he has to, he can take a lot. Most of the time, he will remove himself from painful situations as quickly as possible and complain bitterly about anything that hurts. But if the chips were down, he would turn out to be a lot tougher than anyone expected.

Bramley is a Sweet Baby and We Do Not Harm Him is not really used to enduring pain and has a low tolerance for it. He would close his eyes and block it out rather than panicking, but not really be able to do anything except sit there and block pain until he was Helped. c’:

Kara is Pure Sunshine and We Do Not Harm Her Either has a pretty high tolerance for acute pain and doesn’t panic about injuries, but she has been known to get faint from them. She’s also easily worn down by chronic discomfort, like being too hot or cold or just having a constant dull ache of some kind.

Malia is the opposite. She can put up with low-key pain or discomfort for a long time, but an acute injury would freak her out a lot more than she’d like to admit.

Ryder has a high pain tolerance on all fronts, honestly. As soon as he feels pain, he looks for a solution to ease it, and if there are none to be had, he’ll grit his teeth and block it out.

Meanwhile, poor dear Si is not great with pain. Song-mages are primarily healers, and so Si is really used to having even little hurts soothed quickly and easily. They don’t panic when in pain, but they do get extremely miserable.

Elliott has a very high pain tolerance when the pain feels within his control; he can power through even the worst headaches or stomachaches, for example. But as soon as the pain feels out of his control (i.e. he gets injured), he panics.

3. How long do they typically take to recover from illness or injury compared to average?

Ryder and Kara, by virtue of Robustness and Being Sensible People who largely take care of themselves when under the weather, are quick to recover.

Grayson and Malia both heal quickly from injuries, but take a little longer with illnesses. With Grayson, it’s more a matter of him not being back to himself until his symptoms are completely gone (he is very much a Man Flu type of guy.) Meanwhile Malia will treat an injury with appropriate care, but is likely to push herself back to full capacity before she’s fully better from an illness, leading to a slower recovery.

As big and strong as Bramley is, he’s actually a little more delicate immune system-wise. He tends to be a slow recoverer, even though he’s good about looking after himself when sick or hurt.

Elliott and Si also tend to have slow and uneven recoveries, but in their cases, it’s due to hooliganery. Si takes good care of themself during the uncomfortable phase of their illness or injury, but as soon as they feel 90% better, they’re eager to leap back into life with their usual zeal. That’s not always a great idea and can lead to them prolonging whatever is afflicting them. Elliott, on the other hand, is just a stubborn idiot who doesn’t take care of himself. He’s particularly bad about this with injuries, often aggravating them and even making them worse because he won’t give them the rest they need to heal.

2. Are you a pantser or plotter?

Usually I lean more towards plotting, although I do leave a lot of room for the new directions and ideas I know I’ll discover during the process of writing itself. But Ginger and Mint is the big exception -- I started writing it with zero plan whatsoever. I do have an outline for it now, but I was probably eight or nine chapters in before I made it.

While the final product is definitely not as a polished as it would’ve been if I’d planned it from the start, it was honestly super refreshing to not worry and just write. I’ve been trying to bring a little of that experience over into my more serious writing -- it’s so easy to get caught up in plotting and forget to leave room for writing itself to be a generative process.

13. Describe your writing process from idea to polished

Have idea. Whee!

“Mark out” the things I want to happen in the story or chapter:

I usually do this by writing out short snippets of prose or dialogue related to the ideas I’ve had about each moment. For example, let’s say I know I want a moment where Grayson talks to Ryder. I’d type up a couple lines of dialogue and/or maybe a line about Grayson encountering Ryder and noting what he’s doing or how he’s looking -- whatever’s relevant to the scene. Basically, whatever ideas I have about that scene will be represented in writing in the “mark.”

I have all these marks ordered in the document in the same way the scenes will eventually be chronologically ordered. For me, having visual space is important for my ability to think, so I hit the enter key enough times between the marks that I can see only blank space when I want to work with a certain moment.

Build out each mark until I have a full scene. I do try to go roughly start to finish, but definitely jump back and forth depending on what I’m feeling most inspired by or what my brain seems to be spitting up ideas about. I also skip ahead whenever I feel stuck, which is both a blessing and a curse.

Go back and string the scenes together. Add transitions, fill in any missing pieces, etc.

Re-read the full thing from start to finish and make final edits. Yay, done!

19. How do you keep yourself motivated?

goooood question fam

I struggle with this as much as the next person (see: 2.5 year G&M hiatus). I haven’t discovered a foolproof method of motivation yet (pls advise if you have), but I do tend to feel inspired whenever something reminds me why I want to write this story. That could be thinking about a scene I’m really excited to share, re-reading a scene that reminds me why I enjoy portraying a certain character or environment -- anything along those lines.

46. Do you reread your own stories?

Yes, the ones that I like! Some things I’m not particularly proud of and don’t go back to very often, but re-reading pieces of writing I do like helps me feel motivated, inspired, and confident.

#thank you so much these were so FUN #asks #gnm asks #lessthanconventional #nausea #just the briefest mention

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tarotjourney2021 · 3 years

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The Spiritual Community is getting on my nerves

Spirituality is weird, it's like a cult, but without giving it the title. It creeps on you, very vague, hidden, and tucked away. Wouldn't tell you much, but suggests it. Suggests it so obviously, right in front of my face, but it makes you question if I've imagined it, or if I am the kind of person who believes in such things.

I could almost swear, I've had an awakening. I was me one minute, the next minute this me has become a cast-away image of a blind confused person. The one way I can describe it, is 'I woke up'. There is a transformation happening that I cannot put in words, and as big as the earthquake that happened, everything and everyone else look exactly the same.

I almost feel like I have come to realizations, not that I am a scientist or special or anything, that I thought, of course, everyone else realized the same thing, but when I talk to them, I can see very clearly that they are similar to the old me. But I have changed, oooh I have changed, in what seems to be a split second... but when I look back, I know it started very subtly a very long time ago. All the signs were there, I was pulled to things that I have rationalized away, but underneath it all, it's all been there, but I didn't see it, I couldn't see it.

I've been depressed for as long as I can remember. In 2nd grade, I was already built-in with the desire to not be here. I never wanted to be here, never wanted to be alive. I know this sounds suicidal and for a while, I thought I was, but I wasn't. I just don't care to be here, I so don't care to be here, that I couldn't believe how much work you need to put in, just to be alive. Dealing with other people, people in my own family, weighed so much on me. My mother was terrifying. She was always upset. She blamed everything in life on us, she was miserable because of us. Everything was terrible because of us. I believed her when I was a child, I believed that I was to blame for everything. I carried the shame she wanted me to carry. I still carry some of it, the logical side of my brain still likes to carry some guilt, as a precaution ... just in case in some psychological analysis, it turns out that I contributed to her being who she is.

I heard a few people say, that everything in my life, I have manifested. This, on some level, makes sense. I do believe in past and upcoming lives, and in souls reincarnating themselves in different people. This sounds crazy to the person I used to be, in my religion, it wasn't mentioned, and not you weren't supposed to be asking too many questions.

At this moment, it makes much more sense to me how manifestation works, because if I have manifested everything in my life, even the painful things, from a previous life, or karma from a previous life. I have a side of me that can be cruel, really, brutal. I probably unleashed that part in a previous life. And now I am paying for it in my health, my mental health, and my physical health. I am 36, and I feel like I barely lived, because I've always been sick. Terrible migraines, that would stay for days, I couldn't do anything. The pain was always the most terrible pain I would ever have. I feared it so much. I still do.

Then with time, my mental health started declining too. I have been depressed. Bed-ridden depressed for months. The act that I would put up to hide it, you would think I am Angelina Jolie in 'Salt', very well and able of hiding her emotions. But many times, I wouldn't bother hiding it, even from people at work, I just didn't have the strength. Hiding things requires strength, a lot of emotional strength, that has been waining. In one of Anodea Judith's books, she talks about the demon of the throat chakra, lies. And my throat chakra has been blocked, that's the one thing it was apparent was blocked. I couldn't stop stuttering. It was embarrassing. It is still embarrassing when I do it, but luckily I don't stutter as much anymore, I think people barely notice it. Most people.

But I had to lie, cause no one would understand. My life ended up being dependent on it, no one could know what I was doing, everything was illegal. Anything that strikes a beautiful chord with you is illegal. You can't love, you definitely can't fall in love with someone outside your religion. It's illegal, there is a punishment, you could lose your life for falling in love under their law. You can't have pleasure, that too is illegal. Your body is a sin to be covered. Your voice as well, shut that up too. They had all their twisted absurdities to explain it all away. I don't think any of them actually tried thinking. Why would they? Their brain is only designed as a vessel to memorize what they have been told, it's a memory reserve. Even though productivity rule #1, is that your brain is not made for storing things, it is made to think. But how dare I think and cast doubt, I must submit. To who? To them?

Anyways, I lied so many times, I used up my reserve of lies, it's like that Denzel Washington in that pilot movie, he couldn't tell one more lie. Just one more lie to save himself from prison. I defended my lies, I was lying to protect my right to live, really live. And now I am unable to tell any more lies, about who I am, what I think, and what I feel. If you ask me, I would tell you, I have no energy left to hold up a lie anymore, to polish anything. Most people can handle a bit of bluntness, even when you take them aback. They call me open, honest, and vulnerable. I doubt I am any of these, I am just tired, too tired to play along.

I think I have paid quite a bit of my karmic debt, that's why I have earned this new beginning, and have earned my depression letting go of me a bit, even though it does like to glare at me from a distance, it is quite unnerving, especially with me being the only one who can see it. If it strikes again, I know I will have to either go back to the everything-is-okay dance, even with myself or bare it all again, how embarrassing.

Anyways, back to the title of this post, my gripe with the spiritual community. It doesn't seem to acknowledge mental health issues. It almost acts as if I am imagining my depression, that it is not real. Sounds too close for comfort to the religion I grew up in, several religions in fact. It is something 'we tell ourselves. A couple of spiritual guides and healers have said something similar, including my therapist if I can call what she does therapy. Healing is a more appropriate word, it insinuates what to expect, but she kept using the word therapy, that I thought someone who does therapy is a therapist.

I need a real therapist, and maybe have a healer on the side to add extra polish. I can't entirely rely on her to help me back on my feet.

I was offended, by their views on mental health, very condescending and problematic. It made me realized how much of a religion-like religion this is. They wouldn't call themselves part of a religion though, not openly. But the similarities are too obvious. The same religious structure with a few edits, the same look rebranded to fit with the times. I just ran away from one religion, and I am all too eager to jump into the next one. But I do like to adopt a 'scientist' mentality, which is an archetype of the way of thinking. Apparently, this mentality doesn't like to rule out any possibility, listens to all arguments, and just proceeds with what makes sense at the time, but when more evidence tip the scale in one direction, then they are open to change their minds and adopt the better-proven theory. It is difficult for a Taurus to change her mind about something, that's probably part of the reason why I am having such a hard time fully accepting this. This new spiritual world, and count myself part of it. Me and those weirdos belong to the same club? No.

Sometimes I am all in, just today I was browsing Etsy for more crystals believing those bracelets can cast their magic on me. I want to go to New Orleans, to get to know the black magic community there and elsewhere. Wanting to buy candles from witches, believing that the mix of my magic and theirs would do the trick. Who am I? This is absurd.

I do believe though that there is a part of the spiritual community that would work for me. I need to find my tribe, just like I am looking to find my tribe among the physical world. I feel like I am almost there, even though I still feel so alone and isolated, I almost feel dead.

One thing the spiritual community needs to do more of, is to talk like they got some sense. They say too many ridiculous things for me to take in all at once. I am a beginner here, talk to me like I am a muggle. Also, fake spiritual people should seriously stop it, they are ruining it for everybody.

#spiritualawakening #spirituality #spiritual journey #tarot cards #tarotdaily #fools journey #tarotcommunity #spiritual community #tarot

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succubusphan · 4 years

Text

Rain

Summary: When their dinner date gets ruined, the boys need to find a way to make it work.

Rating: G

Tags/warnings: Slice of Life, Introspection, Domestic Fluff, very mild angst.

Word Count: 2.9k

A/n: This was written in collaboration with my friend @schnaf!!! Thank you joining me in this crazy project and making it so much fun to write! may the next time not take us as long (lmao).

Read on ao3

‘Oh no. This can’t be true.’

Dan walks towards the window and pushes the curtain aside gently, looking up to the grey sky with a frown. A light drizzle starts to fall and he can’t contain a disappointed sigh. He runs his fingers through his hair, leaving it more wild than it had been. This was not supposed to happen. After being hauled up inside for so long due to quarantine they had decided to have a beautiful romantic dinner under the stars - in the comfort of their own balcony - but it seems like the weather forecast had been wrong again. ‘Awesome.’

All of a sudden, there are hands on his waist. Arms around him. A body behind Dan’s. Phil’s voice right next to his ear. “You look like a grumpy old farmer. What’s the matter?”

Dan leans back. For one moment, he closes his eyes, just enjoying being close to Phil, just taking in his warmth. Hey, he could just focus on that, that’s pretty nice too. But… It’s not what they planned. He sighs. “Look.” No more words needed - Phil just needs to look outside. The trees are rustling in the wind, moving forward, moving backward. Little dots are turning the grey wood dark, drop by drop by drop. Not the best setting for a dinner outdoors.

Phil sighs just as he did. “We can still make it work,” he says, pressing a kiss to Dan’s cheek and tightening his embrace for a moment. “If you still want to.”

He always does that. He tries to find the positive in every situation, not letting Dan sink into the darkness that his mind can be sometimes, but he doesn’t push - at least not more than he knows Dan can handle. He likes to remind Dan that he has a choice. That he can be sad sometimes, that he can give up on a day without being judged by his partner. “Of course, I was looking forward to your amazing cooking skills.” He snickers as Phil tickles his tummy, trying to move away from him, but damn, Phil forced him into a corner, blocking the way out with his body. Dan squirms, but Phil is relentless. Only when Dan begs for mercy, Phil lets go of him.

Dan catches his breath, then he turns around to face him and -

Ah, shit. He really did pick an attractive boyfriend, he can’t help but notice over and over again and looking at Phil right now… his hair is a mess, it probably already was even before his attack, but Dan’s struggles to break free didn’t exactly help. His cheeks have turned red, he’s still out of breath, but he’s smiling and he’s so giddy and happy and -

Oh, how lovely it would be to take this man out on a date. Even if “out” only meant their balcony. But no, the weather gods had other things in mind. Other things, like putting some dark clouds over London and some in Dan’s head.

And still, Phil managed to make him laugh.

“Thank you,” Dan mumbles, pressing his forehead into Phil’s shoulder with a small smile on his lips.

Phil presses a kiss to the top of his head with a sigh. “Thank you.” Phil grabs Dan’s hand and brings it to his lips.

Dan feels breathless. Phil is not a man of many words, but they don’t need them to communicate. Dan knows exactly what he is saying because it’s what he keeps repeating to him: ‘Thank you for being you, thank you for being with me, thank you for all these years.’ Sometimes it’s hard to accept those words, so Phil tends to leave them unsaid, but they know. “Love you,” he whispers without looking up.

“Love you too,” Phil says softly, but before Dan can even kiss him, Phil smirks and slaps Dan’s ass, breaking all sort of romantic energy in an instant. “Go get fancy while I take care of dinner.”

Dan rolls his eyes at Phil, but he decides to spare him the scolding. Instead, he nods and leaves in the direction of the bedroom.

An hour later finds Dan fully dressed, hair still wet from the shower and Phil attempting to whistle as he cuts a good amount of veggies to put onto the pan.

Dan leans on the kitchen island, watching him try to arrange everything neatly over the stove when a lightning makes them both look in the direction of the balcony. “Shit,” he says but before he can add anything else, the thunder finally lands, making the entire building shake. And then, just like that they are standing in a dark kitchen.

“Phil?”

It’s not like he’d gone completely blind. Their lights may have gone out, but it’s not fully dark outside yet. There’s a faint glow coming from outside that is only obscured by the clouds as they rush past the moon. Dan still can see silhouettes, he still can see Phil a few feet away from him. Yet, it’s his first instinct to reach out for him.

No objection from Phil’s side. “Yep. Over here.”

“Well, then - move your ass this way.” Dan orders him, a grin on his face. Of course, he doesn’t wait for Phil to rescue him, of course he moves towards him at the same time. They meet in the middle of the kitchen island, Dan takes Phil’s hand immediately.

“Is the power out?” Dan asks. Now that they’re so close he can even make out Phil nodding.

“Seems like it. Wait -” Phil reaches behind him, trying out the light switch. Dan can hear the little click, but - nothing happens.

He thinks back to the Manchester flat, their first home together. They had learned many things about being grown ups there. One of the first lessons had been: ‘always check if your neighbors have power during a black out.’

With a tentative hand running on the counter as he walks, Dan silently guides Phil towards the window. The light drizzle they had seen before has evolved into pouring rain. The London sky is pitch black save for the moonlight. “Fuck,” he says, pressing his forehead to the glass. “What now? We can’t cook without power.”

“Well,” Phil looks out the window towards the grill. “I have an idea.”

Dan follows his line of sight and frowns. “You are not cooking outside in the rain, Lester.”

“It will be fine!” Phil says, already turning his phone light on and marching in the direction of the bedroom.

Dan follows him with a huff. “Phil,” he stomps his foot like a toddler. He knows he looks ridiculous but he doesn’t care - besides, Phil can’t actually see him.

“Aha!” Phil says holding up his shoes. “Get some candles that don’t smell absolutely horrendous together. We are having a candlelit dinner.”

“Fine, but I don’t want you cooking in the fucking rain! What if you get struck by a thunder?”

“I’m not cooking outside, so I won’t. Don’t worry about it.” Phil says, pointing his phone light towards his own face to show an evil little smirk.

Dan huffs and flashes his own light into each of the dresser drawers and finds two autumn themed candles. ‘It will have to do.’ He turns around when he hears Phil rush past him. ‘I’ll kill him. I’ll divorce him, and then I’ll kill him.’

As he returns to the lounge, he finds the balcony door open and Phil pulling the grill towards him, leaving it right on the limit with their living room. “What are you doing?”

“I’m setting the fire, putting everything in with the lid and staying inside.” Phil smiles, clearly proud of himself for having such a good idea.

“You are … mental.” Dan shakes his head fondly.

Phil crosses his arms with a laugh and wiggles his eyebrows. “Or am I a genius?”

Dan shoves him gently. “Definitely mental.”

Phil tries to wink but fails miserably. “Let’s get this show on the road. You set the candles and the table while I cook.” He slaps Dan’s ass again.

“Keep the smoke outside - if you can get it going that is.”

Phil rolls his eyes at him. “Anything for you, babe.”

Thus, they both set off. Dan takes care of the table as Phil told him, shooting a glance at his cook every now and then. He’s doing surprisingly well - sure, the maniac laugh when he manages to light the fire is a bit concerning but well, that’s Dan signed up for when he doubted Phil’s glorious idea, apparently. Not half an hour later he can smell the vegetables and damn, his mouth is watering. Now if Phil could hurry up… He’s hungry.

It doesn’t take that much longer until Phil is ready to serve his creation. There’s a tiny little curse when he tries to put the grilled vegetables on a plate; another, this time more audible curse when he almost stumbles over a cable on the floor, but then he reaches the candlelit table. Dan inspects the plate’s content while Phil sits down opposite of him.

“Wow. Looks amazing,” Dan admits without shame. Sure, he was poking fun at Phil before, he also was actually worried about him messing up, but… He’s really happy with the final result and not ashamed to let Phil know.

Phil grins at him, the proud smile of - a cook? No, it’s more than that. It’s the proud smile of a cook who just saved his starving boyfriend. “Yeah, right?” But then, his expression softens and he reaches out to take Dan’s hand.

“I know. It isn’t a romantic dinner under the stars. And a candlelight dinner would be more romantic if we weren’t forced to do it. But still… Better than nothing, isn’t it?” Phil asks and Dan looks at him, at his caring smile and -

He sighs. “I was quite the drama queen, hm?”

Complaining about the circumstances whereas Phil took matters into his own hands… Damn, he feels actually bad about it. Phil looked forward to this evening just as much as he did but he had to deal with Dan’s mood on top of the weather problems.

Phil just shrugs. “You were upset. But rightfully so. As long as you’re happy now…”

Dan lifts his head. Phil’s smile is so sincere… It’s okay. Everything is okay. Things didn’t go according to plan but hey, they’re here, they’ve got some food and most of all, they’ve got each other.

Could be worse.

So instead of assuring Phil he’s alright, Dan decides to prove it. He leans over, picking up a bottle he placed under the table before. The dark liquid sloshes backwards and forwards, clearly visible behind the green glass. “Got us some wine. Should be a good match.”

Phil’s face lights up - it turns into a giggle when Dan tries to hold the bottle like a beauty YouTuber trying to present an oversized eyeliner. The giggle is still in his voice when he comments on Dan’s surprise. “Awesome. That’s just what I need right now. See? Told you we’re going to be alright.”

“Of course we will, Bub. We always are.” Dan pours them both a glass and raises his for a toast. “To us, to our story and our future.”

Phil clinks Dan’s glass with a smile. “To your talent, your heart…” he pauses for effect, “and that perfect ass.”

Dan snorts and dips his fingers in the wine, flicking some directly onto Phil’s face. “I hate you.”

“Ah! Bitch!” Phil wipes his face with one of their white napkins in retaliation; he knows Dan will have a fit about later. “I hate you more,” he says sweetly.

Dinner is over in a flash. The power is still out, but their hearts are happy and their tummies are full of Rosé, so when Phil proposes to relocate to the piano, Dan doesn’t object. They bring the candles along with them and after placing them around the piano, Dan takes a seat and presses the button to turn it on.

“Any song requests?” He asks Phil, placing his fingers on the keys. Ah, he really doesn’t want to get sappy, but… He likes that feeling. The moment when you’re about to start making music…

“I’ll take whatever you pick.” Phil appears right behind him, apparently kneeling because he wraps his arms around Dan’s waist, resting his head on Dan’s shoulders.

Dan turns his head to look at him. “I don’t know if I can play if you’re clinging to me.”

There’s no expression of guilt on Phil’s face. Quite the opposite - he tries to make it seem like Dan annoys him. His little giggle gives him away, though.

Still, he’s quite demanding. “Make it work.”

Well, if Phil insists… His fingers run along the keys without a thought. Then he starts playing ‘Pyramid song’.

It just takes the first few notes for Dan to drift away. His fingers seem to move on their own, finding the correct keys right away because they’re so familiar with them, his head is silent - it’s as if the music swept away every single thought in his brain. It’s just him, the piano, the music - and Phil. Phil’s arms around him, Phil’s body pressed against his back, the steady lifting and lowering of his chest.

Then, Dan stops. Damn, he doesn’t know how to finish the song. He could go on for a bit, but he’d reach the point soon when he didn’t continue learning it

And thus, the moment of peace is over.

It’s always been like that. Every other song he can think of, he never finished learning. That seems to be a constant in his life; the only constant besides Phil.

Speaking of Phil: He gets up to sit beside him and places his hand on Dan’s, giving it a little squeeze. “Teach me.”

“Sure. I’m the best teacher in the world.” he mumbles, his eyes still fixating on the keys. “I never finished learning any of the songs I play.”

“That’s not true,” Phil says matter-of-factly. “You learned the song for the tour.”

Dan smiles - Phil’s right, he did. He just needs to remember that it’s ok to not finish every single project. Damn, he could never doubt his boyfriend, especially when he is looking at him like he is the most talented man on this planet. Dan knows that’s not the case but…

He doesn’t need to be; he is good enough. He can do this. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Ok, put your fingers here. No, wait.” He demonstrates the fingers placement for Phil. “Like this.” Phil adjusts his hands and Dan runs his fingers on his boyfriend’s softly. “That’s it, good.” Dan turns his head to look at his student, but Phil doesn’t return the gaze. He’s focused on his fingers, on the fingers placement Dan just taught him. Damn, he really wants to learn this - and moreover, Dan is actually able to teach him. Just like Phil let him know - he can do it.

Dan feels a pull in his stomach; he - he just can’t resist the urge. He leans over to kiss Phil on the cheek.

Now, Phil lifts his gaze. Just for a brief moment, just for a short smile, then he returns his attention back to the keys. And Dan does so too.

They play the song together quietly, Dan adjusting Phil’s fingers with a smile when he misses.

Then, it gets bright all of a sudden. The lights turn back on, the fridge starts humming.

The power has returned, making them blink as they try to adjust their eyes. Phil removes his hands from the piano to reach for his long forgotten glass. “Well. That was nice.” he takes a sip of wine.

“Yeah.” Dan smiles, pouring himself a new glass and silently offering Phil a refill.

Phil hands him his glass. “Do you think we can get a piano for the house?”

“What’s wrong with this one?” Dan’s eyebrows disappear into his hair as he returns the glass.

Phil shakes his head. “Nothing, I just thought you would prefer a more traditional one. Like the one in the old apartment.”

Dan sips on his wine and hums. “It’s not a bad idea. Not a bad idea at all, along with a gas stove.”

“Ah, probably.” Phil smiles. “But I did make the grill work.”

“I never doubted you.”

Phil pokes Dan’s stomach. “You did, you’re just saying that because you were wrong.”

“Of course not, I was only joking, Bub,” Dan says with fake innocence.

Phil squints his eyes but finally lets it go. “As long as we continue the piano lessons in the new place…”

‘Okay, okay, game over.’ How could he insist on keeping up the bant when he feels so giddy all of a sudden? If he can’t keep himself from smiling like a fool? “Of course.”

It doesn’t matter if their date nights get rained on. It doesn’t matter that he’s not the best pianist in the world, or if he can’t always keep the darkness at bay.

In the end, it will always be just the two of them. Phil will always be his companion through life; even if he ends up burning the house at one point or another.

#phanfiction #phanfic #phan #phan fluff #phan slice of life #amazingphil #daniel howell

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hobbitsetal · 4 years

Text

Hobbs’ Dating Advice, Compiled

i’ve been married a whole year, so obviously i know everything.

...okay, definitely not, BUT I have had the benefit of wise advice from wise people and the benefits of seeing various friends and family members go through this whole dating thing, so let’s lay it out!

Before you date someone:

1. Figure out what you want from a relationship. I personally have always wanted to get married. I went into dating relationships with the knowledge that either we would marry or break up, and I went into relationships with the mindset of figuring out which outcome I wanted. You can communicate and set goals more effectively when you know what you’re working toward.

2. Figure out what you want in general. Where do you want to be in 5 years? in 10 years? What would you want to share with somebody? Do you want a family or do you want to be a free spirit? Feelings will fade, but goals can remain and unite. I personally want the whole white-picket-fence-and-kids deal, and I wanted a man who shared that goal. I want to take dance lessons and travel, and I want someone who will do that with me. My sister doesn’t want to marry. If she ever goes out with a guy, it’ll probably be just for fun and without an eye to anything serious.

3. Figure out what is non-negotiable. What are your deal-breakers? Figure those out now because you should have a set of standards to hold your relationships to, not a relationship to form your standards. I want kids. I want to be a stay-at-home mom. I want someone who is welcomed into and becomes part of my family. I married a man who fits these values. Religion and faith fits into this category. How important is spirituality to you and what would you want it to look like? I was very specific--Reformed or bust--but many people are comfortable marrying someone of different background--Catholics marry Protestants, Buddhists marry Christians. It depends on how seriously you take your beliefs. I have thoughts on this, but let’s pretend I have chill. This should be a mixture of common sense and personal. Don’t date someone who has anger issues. Don’t date someone who lies to you. Don’t date someone who wants something completely different from you. For me, it’s common sense to marry a fellow Christian. But it’s entirely personal to marry someone who shares my specific vision for how to serve in my local church. Less is more. These are your deal-breakers.

4. Build a circle of people whom you trust and who value you. Friends or family, you should have someone who has your back and knows you well. Relationships tend to be a tangle of emotions and giddiness and hormones. Friends and family aren’t the ones daydreaming about your lover’s eyes; they’re the ones asking if your lover respects you. You need people who can evaluate your lover objectively.

When you’re dating someone:

1. Evaluate them. I think it’s easy to discourage yourself from being “too intense,” or “throwing them out too soon,” but remember that list of non-negotiables? That comes into play here. I’m not saying ask them to lay out their five-year plan or say how many kids they want on the first date, but I would strongly recommend figuring out their goals as soon as possible. First date, figure out if you like them. I’m a huge fan of dating someone who’s already a friend, but that’s not always possible. My husband and I met while he was going to school in Kentucky, while I live in Louisiana. Our first conversations were over text message and Skype, and we talked about theology (a shared passion, as well as evaluating each other’s beliefs and compatibility with our own beliefs), books, movies, fictional characters, and tv shows. We got into the “so, how many kids do you want?” discussions after we entered into a formal dating relationship. But we also worked through our checklists of important things as early as possible. If he hadn’t wanted kids, no matter how charming and fun he was, I would have ended the relationship. If he hadn’t fit any of my non-negotiable items, I would have ended it. They’re deal-breakers for a reason, and that reason is that I decided long ago that I would not want to build a life without those values and goals.

2. Spend time around other people. This goes back to your circle of trusted people. They know you and they can see better than you how you and your lover interact with each other. When I dated my second boyfriend, I was much less interested in him than I thought I was, and my poor mother attempted to point that out to me. When he came over and played video games with my brother, I’d hang out with my mother in another room. I was so caught up in the pleasant feeling of being liked that I truly did not see how little I was actually interested in the person who liked me. Outsiders saw it. Outside viewpoints are crucial. The flip side is what do other people think of your lover? What do they think of you? A major factor in my relationship with my husband was how highly his friends spoke of him. They could tell me his flaws, if asked, but in between teasing him and flirting with me (thanks, David), they went out of their way to tell me what a great guy he is and how lucky I was to be dating him. He had no reason to impress them. He had every reason to impress me. Their opinions mattered a LOT. And related to the flaws, other people may see stuff you need to work on. Maybe you’re not communicating well. Maybe one of you speaks meanly to the other. If an outsider can comment on the flaw, the two of you have a chance to work on the flaw together. This will help you determine how well this relationship stands up to adversity.

3. Learn to communicate. There’s a reason this piece of advice seems to pop up whenever dating is mentioned, and that reason is that if you (or they!) cannot make your preferences and desires known effectively, your relationship will be doomed to frustration. Whether one of you is afraid of upsetting the other, one of you is adverse to conflict, or one of you has been trained to prioritize others to the point of personal detriment, if you cannot overcome blocks in communication, you cannot learn to function as a team. One of the hardest and most rewarding aspects of dating my husband was learning to call him out on his flaws. It hurt, it sucked, and it was miserable for both of us, but I learned I can trust him and he learned he can trust me. I can trust him to work on the things that hurt me and to prioritize my emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. He learned he can trust me to be truthful with him at personal cost to me, and that he can trust me to be true to our shared values even when, in the short-term, compromise would be easier. And speaking of compromise, good communication should make that possible. Whether it’s where to spend holidays or where to put the couch or what movie to watch, good communication and good compromise takes your partner’s needs and desires into account and balances them with your own.

4. Figure out how you treat money. I’m putting this one early because this needs to be a consideration. Which of you spends, which of you saves? What are your money habits? Can you trust each other to respect financial boundaries? My husband spends; I make Scrooge look philanthropic. But since we communicate well, we can talk about when to spend money and on what. Sometimes I really do not want to buy that thing he swears he needs and cannot accept his reasons. More often, it’s truly important to him and we agree to buy it. But it’s a team effort and we both enter the discussion fully aware of the other person’s spending habits.

When you’re getting serious:

1. Ask yourself if you can live with this person’s flaws. If they never learn to stop name-calling, if they never overcome that road rage, if they’re always emotional over silly stuff, can you live with that? Everybody has flaws. Nobody is perfect. You will never find somebody who lives up to all of your ideals. So can you live with this person’s flaws?

2. Have you had a chance to see each other at your worst and at your best? I spent part of our early relationship chiding my husband for sulking over stuff. He had the opportunity to call me out on some bare-faced hypocrisy when I chose to throw a fit over something. I’ve seen him road-rage; he’s seen me weasel out of commitments and pretend desperately I am completely unaware of this Very Important Deadline I’ve been procrastinating on. And I’ve seen him apologize for certain behaviors, prioritize something he’s not interested in for the sake of loved ones, learn to bite his tongue to promote peace in familial relationships, and accept challenges and hardships for the sake of crucial goals. His best makes the flaws easy to accept. His best tells me he is worthy of my trust and my admiration. His best makes me want to live with him and share my life and soul with him and help him overcome his flaws so he’s the best all the time. His best makes me want to write essays on why women should envy me. His best has to outweigh his flaws.

3. Does your trusted circle agree that this is a good person for you? My family loves Alex. Their concerns and caveats were heard and discussed. Sometimes we worked on issues; sometimes we determined that their viewpoint wasn’t completely accurate. But my family as a whole agrees that he and I are well-suited to each other, with common interests, common goals, and complementary personalities.

Remember every relationship is different because every personality is different. It’s okay to date multiple people (me). It’s okay to date one and be done (my husband). Your life is always going to be somewhat different from other people’s lives.

#relationships #dating advice #we're just going full mom today

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panda-noosh · 4 years

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Hi, I love all of your stories particularly the best friend x reader ones. I’d like to politely request a Sokka (or Aang but you didn’t hear that from me👀) x best friend fem reader who’s in a relationship with Zuko, but the reader is only a rebound from Mai and so Zuko is miserable and takes it out on her all the time. Not like abuse more like just lots of brooding and the cold shoulder. Lots of angst, but a fluffy ending with Sokka and reader ending up together! Thanks so much ☺️🧚🧚‍♀️⚡️✨✨

I’M SO SORRY, THIS REQUEST GOT LEFT BEHIND IN MY ASK BOX AND I’M ONLY JUST NOW GETTING TO IT. i hope you enjoy. sorry for the wait!!! xxx

----

Sokka watches you.

That’s all he ever does. He doesn’t think it’s appropriate to question the logic behind why you’re staying with him when he clearly treats you so badly.

Zuko has changed, and Sokka knows this. He watched it happen. The prince went from a blood-thirsty, annoying little shit to someone Sokka can genuinely vent to if he feels like it. The two have shared moments in the past few months that have solidified some sort of friendship between them, even with the tension they once held, the tension they will forever hold.

But he still has his flaws, and apparently, treating you with respect is one of them.

It’s another one of those days where Zuko is just. . . being Zuko. He’s probably thinking about Mai again, which angers Sokka to no end. He understands, and he hates that Zuko is hurting over his previous break up, but you will always be the first one on Sokka’s priority list, which is why he finds it so infuriating that Zuko isn’t treating you right. He sits at the table and ignores you, one hand cupping his cheek as the other jabs a fork into a plate of leaves that Sokka made fun of when he first laid eyes on it. His own pizza goes cold in front of him, because he’s spent so much of the past hour just watching Zuko completely ignore you, like you don’t even exist.

You continue your attempts to get your boyfriends attention, attempts you shouldn’t even have to make. Zuko should be listening to you. Zuko should be treating you like god damn royalty, because you’re one of the best people on the planet. You give your everything to everyone, treating everyone with respect and kindness, no matter how many times they-

Sokka has to cut his thoughts short. They always get like that, completely out of hand no matter how much he tries to block them off.

He will admit to himself that he loves you, but that confession can never be uttered to anyone else. It’s terrifying. It’s humiliating. You would rather be with someone who gives you the cold shoulder than with him, and that’s enough to shatter any ounce of confidence Sokka is so renowned for.

“Zuko, are you okay?” Sokka hears you ask, his ears immediately prickling at the question. You’ve tried to keep your voice down, but it hasn’t worked.

Zuko grunts in response.

You bite your lower lip, glancing at the table. Your own meal is unfinished, slowly going cold. You’ve been letting that happen a lot recently, and the weight is dropping off you faster than Sokka is comfortable with. He’s mentioned it once or twice, but you always use the same excuse: “We’ve been running around a lot more often; it’s just burning off me.”

“You haven’t touched your salad,” you continue. “I can go get you something else if you-”

“If you want to help me, go away and leave me alone.”

You flinch. Flinch. Sokka has to curl his fingers into fists to stop himself standing up and punching Zuko square in the face.

You nod and slowly stand. You follow his order, because he’s Zuko and he’s upset so therefore, everybody has to adhere to exactly what he wants. It makes Sokka sick to his stomach watching it happen, and when you flee from the table, he can’t take it any more.

He stands and marches over to Zuko. “What the hell man?”

Zuko glances up. “Oh. Hey Sokka.”

“Don’t Hey Sokka me! Why are you being like that to Y/N?”

Zuko raises a brow, but he doesn’t seem all that bothered. His face is still cupped by a lazy hand, his fork still jabbing into his dinner leaves. “What are you talking about?”

Sokka inhales, trying to keep his cool. “Listen, Zuko. I get it, okay? Mai broke your little heart. You gave her everything and all that bullshit. But just because you’re in a bad place doesn’t mean you get to treat Y/N like shit, do you understand? They don’t deserve that.”

And Sokka doesn’t even know where the words come from, but they’re out there now, and there’s no way he can just snatch them back. Slowly, Zuko raises his head, his eyes boring into Sokka’s with an intensity that only a member of the fire nation can really hold.

He says, “Sokka. Are you in love with Y/N?”

It feels so obvious. Sokka almost wants to laugh, almost wants to say “Well, obviously,” because surely every single person in the world should just know that he’s been head over heels in love with you from the moment he laid eyes on you all those years ago.

He swallows now and says, “Yes. Yes, I am. So please stop dragging them around like a sock puppet. They don’t deserve that.”

He turns then, unable to hear Zuko’s reply, unable to witness the anger that surely overtakes his features. Sokka has just confessed to being in love with his partner - no man in their right mind would ever take that lightly.

Without turning back, Sokka walks away.

---

His name sounds like a prayer on your lips.

He turns, bleary eyed and tired from a long day of work and a long night of tossing and turning. He stands in the window of his cabin, wearing a pair of pyjama shorts and a flowy white shirt he stole from his father before they left the water tribe behind. You stand in the doorway, wearing baggy grey trousers and a low cut pyjama shirt.

Sokka’s eyes widen. “Y/N.”

You look up, offering the tiniest of smiles.

“What are you still doing up?” Sokka asks, approaching you with caution.

“I wanted to come see what you were up to,” you reply. “Plus, I was talking to Zuko earlier and he told me a few things. A few things I wanted to ask you about.”

Sokka’s heart stops at those words. There’s nothing else it could be, is there? His conversation with Zuko lasted approximately two minutes, and there was nothing significant about any of it besides his confession.

He takes a step back, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck. “Actually, I was just gonna go to bed...”

“Sokka, why didn’t you tell me before?”

He pauses. “Huh?”

“That you’re in love with me.” You take a step closer, and Sokka’s body shifts into overdrive. He’s going to overheat. He’s going to start sweating and that’s so gross, and how are you ever going to like him if sweat is lashing off him and he can’t even-

“You’re with Zuko,” he blurts out.

You freeze, hand outstretched, inches from his own, and suddenly Sokka regrets ever saying anything before you held his hand.

“You’re with Zuko,” he repeats, calmer this time. “I didn’t want to jeopardise that. I care too much about you both to do that.”

You blink like this isn’t the answer you expected. And then, “Zuko told me to go after you. He said I should be happy.”

“You should be. He’s right. Did he finally apologise for treating you like shit?”

You laugh. “Well, kind of. He - uh - broke up with me.”

Heat rises in Sokka’s face. His jaw falls open before he snaps it closed and exclaims, “He what?”

But then you laugh again. Short, sharp, confusing. “He broke up with me, Sokka. He said he wanted me to be happy, so he ended it.”

Sokka raises a brow, genuinely puzzled. “Where’s the logic in that?”

You roll your eyes, and before Sokka can fully comprehend what is happening, you’re marching towards him, grabbing his shirt collar and tugging him in for a kiss.

A kiss. A genuine kiss!

Sokka’s mind explodes the instant he feels your mouth on his own. He has kissed plenty of people in his lifetime, but this is so different. This is like his first kiss all over again. Suddenly, he doesn’t know what to do, or how to move, or where to place his hands, so he just stands there, letting you take control. Your hands travel into his hair, guiding him closer and closer and closer until you eventually pull away and say, “Did I misread something?”

The panic of you thinking he doesn’t want this drives him on. He grabs your hips and pulls you to him, slamming his lips back to yours.

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