#if you ask where did my motivation go i will blame it on my school

[felinelord-bowbeforemepeasant]

So I just found out that irl!ranpo is gay????

So the story is that I was just scrolling through tumblr for a bit and found a post that say(questioning) that ranpo is gay and I was like

"Wait,Huh? WHAT!??? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN IRL!RANPO IS GAY!??"

(Here the link if you wondering)

I was shocked I was completely shocked like my mind was just repeating a sentence

"Irl!ranpo is GAY??!"

So I calm down a bit go to Google and search and found a reddit post kinda explaining the part "irl!ranpo is gay"

So the gist of it was ranpo and his friend name Iwata who was anthropologist that spent years researching the history of homosexuality in Japan, during the 1930s edogawa and Iwata had a competition to see who could find the most books about erotic desire between man.

Edogawa dedicated himself finding books published in the west and Iwata dedicated himself finding books published in japan

But unfortunately, iwata died in 1945 leaving with only part of his work published so edogawa worked to have the remaining work on queer historiography published.

And there was also this too "Vision and Putrescence: Edogawa Rampo Rereading Edgar Allan Poe"(you will also find this in the reddit post link that I put up there) that talk about his sexual indentity and heterosexual love? (Idk know how to explain it though but if i have to sum it up I will take a page from the reddit post and said "A quote verifying that Edogawa Ranpo was almost certainly gay.")

This is why I love irl author fact so much like, they have things about them that we don't know yet and when we find out it just leave us completely shocked

Like seriously iam so completely shocked right now to the point that iam completely ignoring my homework to write this

(Also a reminder iam not a researcher who did some kind of in depth research about this, this post is just me finding some kind of fact about irl!author if there is any misconception then iam sorry also if you want to discuss more about this then feel free to comment in the tag or the comment section but I will not accept any hate comment if you don't like it just scrolled past it this will not affect your life)

P.S: while I was writing this I just remember that I have some post that I haven't finished and edited or post yet but if you curious about it then I could said one is about kinda related to jouno, one is atsushi and one is just random, I might post it if I have the motivation but maybe it will take a while

[4unnyr0se]

❥ tsukishima plays the waiting game

warnings: fem! reader, pre and post timeskip! tsukishima, tsuki gets slapped, reader is a sweetie, yamaguchi and hinata mentioned, tbh its mostly fluff

MDNI | No 18+ content here, I just don't want minors interacting with my blog

word count -> 785

part two

Kei Tsukishima wasn’t the best at showing affection at all. He only liked and respected Yamaguchi, but apart from that, there wasn’t really anyone he thought merited his honest and most sincere loyalty and trust. Sure, he respected Daichi when he was still in high school, but Daichi was his captain. It was different.

Then, you moved to Miyagi and enrolled in Karasuno in mid-April. You were placed in the same class as Yamaguchi and Tsukishima. Apparently, you had scored in the top 1% in your old high school, much to Tsukishima’s chagrin. He assumed you would be just another one of those academic bitches (like himself) who only cared about what directly affected them. 

That was the first time Tsukishima was wrong. 

You were sickeningly sweet, so much so that many people thought it was just an act. Tsukishima first thought this, too, that a wolf was hiding under that fluffy sheep wool. But no, there wasn’t. You were genuinely nice without ulterior motives, always volunteering to tutor students after class. You even helped Yamaguchi with his English vocabulary and grammar. He didn’t even have to ask! That’s how sweet you were, and Tsukishima hated that. Well, only at first. 

He knew he liked you the second you snapped at him, calling him an asshole in front of the entire Karasuno team. He was practicing serves and missed completely, the volleyball slamming into your torso as you walked by the practice gym. Instead of apologizing, he blamed you for being in the way. 

Instead of you apologizing for having dared to be in the way of a rouge volleyball, he was met with a cold smack in the face. Vulgar words left your mouth, your face heating up in anger as you called him out for being a stuck-up prick who didn’t care about anyone but himself (and maybe Yamaguchi.) The Karasuno team stood in shock as you screamed at him, your usual friendly and kind demeanor long forgotten. Hinata thought that Tsukishima was absolutely going to murder you, but instead, the lanky blonde just stood there with the tiniest blush on his cheeks. You called him out; you slapped him. The sweetest girl in Karasuno slapped him and humbled him in front of his teammates. You weren’t just an innocent little lamb, you bit. And Tsukishima liked that. 

Tsukishima never acted on his urges in high school; he was too busy with class and volleyball and Hinata’s bullshit to worry about romantic relationships. But he caught himself sneaking glances at you throughout high school, no matter where he was. You two were always in the same class, weirdly enough. Graduation eventually came, and lo and behold, the two of you went to Sendai. He was on a semi-volleyball scholarship, and you had a full academic ride because you did. And to his horror, or perhaps delight, you both had the same entry-level statistics class.

He first noticed that you had a sense of personal style that he approved of. Tsukishima had only ever seen you in the Karasuno girl’s school uniform before, so it was a pleasant surprise to see you wearing a spaghetti strap tank top with a wool cardigan and loose jeans. It was…cute.

Tsukishima was taken aback when you walked up to him after class, bowing your head slightly to apologize for screaming at him when you were in high school. He smirked and accepted the apology, pushing your head down further. 

“You also slapped me and called me an asshole, remember?”

You became flustered and started apologizing even more, tilting your head with sparkling eyes.

“I know, I’m really sorry. I don’t want any bad blood. How can I make this up to you?”

“Go on a date with me.” It came out of his lips so fast that Tsukishima didn’t have time to cover it up with a cough. How could he let that slip from his lips, he always thought before speaking. He thought before doing anything! He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, looking away in embarrassment. “Go on…just go on a date with me, please. I’ve liked you since high school, moron.”

You smiled and hugged him, squeezing his torso with all your might. Of course, Tsukishima thought this was adorable, he was a foot taller than you. “Of course, I’ll go on a date with you! Where?” You asked as you looked up, the prettiest smile plastered across your shining face. Fuck, Tsukishima was totally screwed. He’d give you the world right then and there if he wasn’t so proud. 

“My dorm? Yamaguchi is out with friends for the weekend.”

“Yamaguchi has friends other than you? Damn, he really grew up.”

“Indeed,”

Tsukishima’s side of the dorm was immaculate. Spotless, organized, and decorated with dinosaur posters. It was cute and nerdy, making you smile. Maybe deep down inside, he wasn’t such a jerk.

[accio-bagel]

Coming in hot with a Natty appreciation post ❤️

Wall of text below the cut

I love Natty. She's my brave, frustrating, badass girl, and while the writing for her storyline lacked somewhat in comparison to the other companions, much of the discourse I see around her is so negative - it has really been disappointing to see the kinds of things people say about her. She doesn't have to be your favorite. I'm not saying you have to love her. But you can actually prefer Sebastian and Poppy without disparaging Natsai. You can also critique her without resorting to making fun of her voice or accent. Give her a chance and consider her dialogue and her actions, and you might gain some more appreciation for her.

She is a peak Gryffindor and here are some reasons why I love her, including her flaws:

Friendly, kind, and empathetic: with her experience being the new student the previous year, she knows how scary it can be and she's quick to offer you a place to sit on your first day of class, then readily shares her book with you when she sees you don't have one. She even gives you advice during Summoners Court when you're playing against her, and isn't upset if you win. She tells you she was actually planning on asking you to Hogsmeade with her if you choose her as your guide. She wants you to feel welcomed right away and wants to get to know you.

Brave, powerful, and reckless: just like Sebastian, she jumps in to help you fight a troll without a second thought on her first day knowing you, and she's a strong duelist both in Crossed Wands and on your missions with her. She is ready and willing to gather evidence on her own while you go save a host of beasts from poachers the second she finds out a Hippogriff that means something to you is in danger. She sticks her nose into business she shouldn’t and doesn’t consider the reality of the dangers she’s getting herself into (a very Harry Potter trait.) But would you really rather have her be without flaw? Sounds boring. Ultimately she doesn’t ever let fear stop her from acting to protect others - don't forget she dives in front of the Cruciatus curse for you! She's a damn good friend to have by your side.

Proud and confident but can still be humble and open to change: she is happy to share some interesting information about Uagadou if you choose to ask her and she has pride in both her magical abilities and where she came from. She's confident in Summoner's Court but acknowledges afterward that it took her a while to gain that skill. She also admits she likes the drama of using a wand and she's grown to appreciate Hogwarts and Scotland (except in winter, which who can blame her? it's cold!)

Talented: to name just a few examples, she can cast wandless magic, Weasley calls her out as one of the best students in school, and let's not forget she's an animagus by age 15 - we know from the Harry Potter books that is no small feat and very few people actually achieve the ability.

Strong morals and ideals, stubbornly so: she is a pure heart and wants to take down the bad guys so nobody has to suffer the same way she did as a young girl. Can you really begrudge her youthful idealism? While her motivations are a bit muddy because she has no solid personal connection to Harlow or Rookwood, she is ultimately looking at the bigger picture and striving to make the world a better, safer place. Like Sebastian and Poppy, she won't let anyone talk her out of her ideals and remains undeterred in her belief that what she's doing is right, regardless of the dangers involved. While it shouldn't be up to two teenagers to clear out a criminal organization, in the end, she and you actually do get Harlow arrested finally, no thanks to the utterly useless Officer Singer, so Natty kinda had a point.

Loving and emotional: she is emotionally open with you and isn't afraid to ask for support from a friend while she's suffering from grief and guilt about her father. She isn’t embarrassed to tell you that you’ve inspired her to stand up to power, or how much your friendship means to her. Despite her frustrations, she loves her mother deeply, and she misses her father with all her heart.

Rebellious and independent: similar to Garreth, she has a guardian whom she feels is suffocating her. She wants to roam freely in her animagus form and explore her new home on her own, but her mother is worried about her safety (fair) and the closer Professor Onai clings, the more it pushes Natty to act out. She wants to challenge the system which is allowing Rookwood to strut around Hogsmeade like he owns the place when he should be in prison, and takes matters into her own hands when the authorities fail to act. Nothing more punk and badass than fighting the man and getting shit done.

Pretty, cute, tall: really, seriously look at her! Big Brown EyesTM and lashes for days. Freckles! Need I go on? (I will anyway.) Her profile. That cute little curl in the front of her hair, and from the back her hairstyle looks like a flower. I also recently noticed she is slightly taller than the female MC (tall girls need more love in media) and I can imagine them and Poppy being a cute witch trio of different heights. I also think her awkward smiles are endearing.

Lovely, soothing voice: I find her voice to be very soft and personally, I could listen to her talk all day. Her VA, Jessica Hayles, put so much emotion into her lines, and did you know she also voices three other characters: Nellie Oggspire, Charlotte Morrison, and Hyacinth Olivier? I have huge respect for a VA who can do multiple accents and change their voice to be so distinct for each character that I would've had no idea if I hadn't looked it up.

If anyone actually read all of this just know that I appreciate you deeply

[the-banana-0verlord]

hihihi how do you think azul would react to MC who clearly has a crush on him AND takes interest in business/studied it in their own world??

okay so first of all i'm very sorry for delaying this and my other requests for months. I was going through a massive writer's block, but it got a bit better recently so I took the opportunity to write a lot while i had the motivation to. If you see this (cause it's anon and i don't think it notifies when an anon ask is answered) i hope you like it!

How Azul would react to the Reader having a not-so-secret crush on him

Notes: Gender-neutral reader

🐙🐙🐙

🐙Hrgnnn mutual pining he'S as in love with you as you are with him, he's just better at hiding it. 🐙You're the first person to be actually be invested in his business, not just using him to their advantages. 🐙He gladly goes to you for advice when he struggles with managing the Monstro Lounge. 🐙He might do it even if he doesn't need advice, he just wants to hear you explain something to him (and you're glad to do it, too.). 🐙Long nights where you discuss menus, seatings and budgets are the best parts of his weeks. 🐙Problem is, no matter the amount of pining there is, none of you can guess the feelings of the other, so you never confess. 🐙But the Tweels are getting real impatient. No one would blame them if they just accelerated things a bit, right? 🐙They're playing the good old trick of sending the both of you a (fake) letter coming from the other telling them to meet up, on the beach after school. 🐙When you get there, there's no one. After school is pretty vague, though, so you decide to wait a little. you take off your shoes and you dig your toes in the sand. 🐙Then, Azul arrives. All goes well, and you both confess. That is, until you mention the letter "he" sent you. 🐙"Letter? I have written no such things, he says. I believe it is rather you that has left me this note. -I didn't? But then, who did..." 🐙Suddenly, the sea beside you starts getting troubled and a huge slippery teal tail comes out and pushes you in the merman's arms. 🐙When you look, you realize that the origin of this incident was Floyd in his merform, accompanied by a chuckling jade. 🐙Azul goes after them, cussing them out, while you laugh. You'll probably have to get used to this if you were going to date Azul.

🐙🐙🐙

I hope you enjoyed! Have a good day/night!

[forevertoru]

cafe rekindle ~ koshi sugawara x reader

synopsis: after years of living in your hometown after graduation, one last glimpse of your past was enough to motivate you to finally give yourself the fresh start you needed. a new city, a new life. with the help of the people around you, you were able to accomplish your dreams and start your very own cafe. working in your own cafe means you meet lots of people, but one familiar face was enough to make the walls you built up over the years falter. 

notes: i literally have no idea what i'm doing, this is my first time (in a while but we dont talk abt that) writing fanfic.. wish me luck. (wrote this bcuz i was listening to promise by laufey while reading angst fanfics)  

tags: angst, fluff (?), elementary school teacher, cafe owner, exes to lovers, second chance romance, slow burn, fem reader-oriented pronouns

warnings: swearing, reader smokes to deal with emotions, talks of mental health

word count: 3780

ch. 1 the end of the beginning & new beginnings

No one ever expects longevity from the relationships in our youth, in fact, it would be foolish to even expect something like that. From grade school, to high school, some would even argue college; it never becomes long term. 

You were always aware of that, so why did you see yourself getting married to the man you spent your high school and college years with?

A silly thought you planted in your brain; but who could blame you? He was the ideal partner. Patient, gentle, understanding, and so much more — even though you were still young and didn’t have much planned for adulthood, you made a vow to never let him go. 

You loved him with every single atom you had in your body, and perhaps you still do. After all, it isn’t easy to forget about a relationship you swore would’ve lasted a lifetime if it were under different circumstances. 

In all honestly, you weren’t quite sure what made you love him the way you did. Maybe it was the fact being around him just felt so.. easy. You never felt like you had to be a different person when you were with him.

To put it simply, he was the person who brought you comfort.

But even so, silly vows you make to yourself don’t really mean anything if you can’t make them a reality. Over the next few months, the happiness you thought would stay in your life forever gradually started to fade, and there was nothing you could do about it.

You know he didn't mean to fall out of love, at least that's what you wanted to believe. Not a bone in your body wanted to make him seem like a bad person, not when you still had so much love and respect for him.

Days before the breakup, you noticed he seemed a bit… different. He stopped holding your hands, stopped bringing you lunch, he couldn’t even bring himself to look you in the eyes. Yes, they were little things, yet, you still managed to notice them. 

You decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, telling yourself, “Maybe studying has him preoccupied” Trying to shake off whatever insecurity you were feeling. Looking back — maybe you should’ve asked him the first day you noticed, maybe then, things would’ve worked out.

ᥫ᭡ .  ˚ 

When you felt his hand wrap around your wrist for the first time in days, guiding you to a place where the two of you could be alone and focus on the soon-to-be conversation, you knew it was the end of the relationship you tried desperately to keep in your life. 

Before he could even get a word out, you couldn’t help but notice the dryness in your throat, how your heart started to race in anticipation, and the tears in your eyes that threatened to spill.

From the look in his eyes, you could tell this was going to be the last day the two of you could call yourselves “soulmates”. 

Throughout your entire relationship, you always managed to keep your composure. You knew how to keep your emotions in check, therefore, you never cried in front of your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend. 

– Seeing tears in your eyes for the first time broke his heart.

 At that moment, he wanted to change his mind, take you in his arms, and promise he’d never let you feel this type of pain again. But despite the feeling he couldn't shake off, he knew deep within himself he wouldn’t be able to keep that promise. 

And before he could change his mind, the boy finally spoke.

“(name), no matter what, I’ll always have so much love for you.” The gray-haired boy started, and as he spoke, he couldn’t help but notice the look in your eyes. The way you looked at him with such hurt and confusion made it all the more difficult for him. 

“Before I say anything, you did nothing to make me feel this way” he spoke, taking your hands in his. “You’re an amazing girl, (name), you always have been and I’m sure you always will be.” 

As the words left his mouth and the emotion started to become prominent in his eyes, you noticed something in the way he looked at you — despite what his mind was telling him to say, in his heart, he didn’t want to lose you, and that made it all the more gut-wrenching. 

You felt so idiotic for thinking this relationship would last, but at the same time, it was such a shame to lose the person who you thought would've been a great lifelong partner. 

If you were being honest with yourself, you couldn’t stand the thought of losing him.

All you wanted to do was fall to your knees and beg him to stay an eternity with you, but from the tone that laced his words, you knew he would follow through with the separation no matter what.

“You deserve so much better and I-” It was almost embarrassing how he couldn’t keep his emotions in check anymore, his voice breaking as he wiped away the forming tears from his eyes with his shoulder. “I didn’t want this to end… If anything, you were the girl I wanted to marry. The girl I wanted to spend my life with, raise a family, and die with” 

The words that spilled out his mouth didn’t help in aiding your broken heart, they only made it harder and harder to keep the tears in your now glossy eyes.

Without a second thought, your mouth opened and you blurted something out. “Are you breaking up with me?” your lip quivered as your eyes scanned his face for an answer. 

It was a stupid question, but it was the only thing on your mind.

The boy was caught off guard by your sudden bluntness. It was a simple yes or no question, but, by the way you spoke, it just made breaking up even harder for him. 

The way you looked at him in such despair was enough for him to finally break eye contact, causing him to shift his gaze onto the ground.

Maybe it was the guilt that caused the boy to go nonverbal for a few seconds — an internal conflict between his heart and mind. You were everything he could ask for, yet, he knew he couldn’t give you everything you needed. 

After what seemed like a century of waiting, with a shaky voice, six words finally fell from his mouth. 

“I think we should break up..” 

And there they were – the words you were dreading to hear. Before you even noticed, the tears you were desperately holding back started to fall from your eyes, streaming down your cheeks and hitting the concrete the both of you stood on. 

It didn’t take long for him to notice the drops of water falling from your eyes, and once he took notice of the tears, his hand found its way to your face, his palm cupping your cheek as he wiped away your tears with his thumb. 

It was as if he wasn’t the reason for the tears. As much as you wanted to scream, telling him not to touch you, to leave your sight and never talk to you again after this, you just couldn’t find it in yourself to do so. 

Everything in your mind was telling yourself to hate him, to loathe his very being. Yet, despite all the hurt he was causing you at this very moment, you still couldn’t see him in a negative light.

Tear after tear fell from your eyes – It was almost pitiful. To you, it felt like you were crying for nothing. You felt stupid for being so affected by this, foolish to be this hurt over a relationship. 

You were in your own little world, caught up in your thoughts, struggling to come to terms with the “sudden” breakup. Trying desperately to grasp the reality of the situation, a familiar warmth seemed to wrap around you.

The boy’s arms held you as you cried, in an attempt to calm your emotions. 

In the moment, as you noticed his arms around you, it almost felt like he was trying to mock you. He had the audacity to try and provide you comfort when he was the cause of the emotional turmoil. 

You stood there for a while, your hands curled into balls, and all you felt was anger. You told yourself you didn't need his sympathy. 

That anger didn’t last long though, it was soon replaced with despair.

Your own arms soon wrapped around the boy’s frame as the tears from your eyes stained his shirt. You found yourself sobbing in his arms, trying to seek the comfort he would always provide for the very last time. 

As your face stayed buried in the gray-haired boy’s chest, he placed his chin on top of your head as his hand rubbed your back. The sound of your muffled sobs made him feel horrible. The guilt of hurting you was unbearable, he felt like such an asshole for doing this to a sweet girl like you.

After some time, the boy finally pulled away. He looked at you for what could be the last time.

As he pulled away and looked at you, he couldn't help but lean in and press a soft kiss on your forehead, as if a silent apology for all the pain he was provoking in this very moment. 

That kiss left you with a conflicting feeling. Every atom in your body wanted to feel anger, you wanted to slap him with your hardest blow. Yet, the kiss brought you unexpected comfort. 

— As much as you wanted to stay in his arms for however long you could, you took a step back, wiping away your tears. 

With a shaky voice, you finally spoke. “I understand, Koshi” was all you managed to mumble.

He wished you could’ve said more, he hoped that you didn’t hate him and that one day you’d be able to forgive him, but he understood as well, he knew you weren't fond of talking whilst experiencing high emotions. He understood well enough to let you walk away without another word.

Maybe that was Koshi Sugawara’s biggest mistake.

ᥫ᭡ .  ˚ 

From talking for hours on end to walking past each other in the halls. 

It hurt to become so distant from someone who knew everything about you, from two people who claimed to have so much love for each other to strangers.

It felt like a mockery to see Sugawara somewhere on campus, each encounter with him was like a constant reminder of the breakup and the emotions that came with it. 

You tried to avoid Koshi on campus whenever you could for your sanity, but, going to the same school made it impossible to even attempt. Enviably, you crossed paths with Koshi occasionally, and every single time you did, you felt your heart break a little.

Before you could even realize it, your mental health began to worsen as the months seemed to drag on. You couldn’t commit to your studies and found yourself slacking off on assignments. And in return, your grades began to plummet. 

It started to feel almost impossible to even focus during lectures, your mind always seemed to be focused on something other than what was being said by the professors. You almost always fell asleep during your classes since you had never gotten the proper amount of sleep the previous night or couldn’t bring yourself to listen to the lecture. 

A period in your life where you avoid talking about it as if mentioning it would bring death upon you. A time in your life when you were at an all-time low; skipping your lectures, laying in bed all day, neglecting your chores.

Smoking was the only thing that brought you comfort during these times. You were well aware of the risks that came with smoking, but the desperation of wanting to get better got to you.

But as the days turned into weeks, with the help of the people you had around you, you had found your spark again.

You had finally found yourself once again and you couldn’t be more proud of yourself. Though you weren’t proud of the addiction that came along with it, but you can’t change what already had happened. 

ᥫ᭡ .  ˚

– Before you knew it, it was the day of your graduation.

 It was more fulfilling than you had imagined, you couldn’t help but shed tears of joy. You were genuinely so proud of yourself, just a few months ago, you thought you’d never make it here. 

You stood patiently as you waited for your name to be announced.

From around ten people in front of you to only one person. Soon you were next to be called on stage to finally complete this hellish nightmare you were eager to escape. 

You felt your heartbeat in anticipation as your hands started to sweat, you couldn’t wait for all the opportunities that were ahead of you. You had always dreamed of opening your very own cafe with recipes you perfected. 

The very second they called your name to walk on the stage, you couldn’t help but tear up. You walked up onto the stage and accepted your diploma with a smile on your face, you shook everyone’s hand and headed back to your seat.

And that’s when the realization finally hit, you were finally done with your college years; you were finally an adult. 

ᥫ᭡ .  ˚

An average day for you after college was inviting a friend over around the evening and having them taste and critique whatever you had made. Then, the following day you’d try again with less or more of a certain ingredient and then have your friend try it again to see what they’d say.

Baking wasn’t a cheap hobby you could just do whenever you pleased. With that understanding in mind, you took up a job as a cashier at a nearby fast food place just a walk around from your house. 

It’s been like this for a few years now, and you were content with this lifestyle. Of course, there would be times when the stress of not being able to perfect something gets to you, but all it took was a cigarette to calm you down and you were back to figuring out what you should try adding to a recipe next. 

Baking wasn’t much of a clean hobby either, after each session you had to clean. As you were cleaning your kitchen, reorganizing whatever was in there, you realized you were starting to run low on certain ingredients for your pastries. 

Looking at the time, you realized the grocery store was about to close. Panicked, you grabbed your wallet, phone, and house keys before sprinting out the door so you could have a decent amount of time to browse the shelves. 

Luckily, you made it with an hour to look around and decide if you wanted to purchase an item or buy it another time.

After almost an hour, you headed to the self-check-out, scanned your items, paid, and left the store. 

Unfortunately, you didn’t own a car, so that left you to just walk from place to place. You didn’t mind though, you liked walking, it was therapeutic for you. Surrounded by the orange sky, you headed home with earbuds in both ears, playing whatever songs were in your playlist. 

As you entered your neighborhood, you were more than ready to just settle down on your couch and watch the new episode of the current show you were watching. Nearing your apartment, you glanced up from your phone and nearly dropped all the bags you were holding.

Just outside of your apartment complex stood a familiar boy, seemingly looking for someone or something. 

For a while, you just stood still, looking at the figure in disbelief. 

And just like that, it was like you were reliving college all over again. The feelings you swore were gone and you’d never feel again suddenly came rushing back to you, hitting you like one big wave of the ocean.

“Koshi..?” You whispered to yourself as tears began to well up in your eyes. You couldn’t understand why he was outside of your building or how he knew where you lived. 

You had replayed this exact scenario in your head about a million times, so why were you suddenly freezing up?

It was naive, but a part of you believed he wanted to apologize to you for what had happened in college and finally give you closure, and maybe, just maybe, rekindle the spark the two of you once had. 

The cold air of the evening blew against your body as you felt your body heat up, breaking into a cold sweat, it was almost embarrassing how nervous you were getting, you hadn’t even approached him yet.

Before you could ever make the decision, he made that decision for you. The figure that stood in front of your apartment building turned to face you, and that's when you realized, it wasn’t Sugawara, but rather, a stranger. 

Right then and there, that’s when you decided you couldn’t live in this city anymore.

ᥫ᭡ .  ˚

Just seeing someone who resembled him in the slightest was enough to send you spiraling. Alone in your one-bedroom apartment, the only sound that filled the area was your muffled sobs.

You sat in the corner of your bedroom, knees against your chest, head down as you felt all the memories from high school up to college come rushing back to you. 

The desire of wanting to escape the city that was filled with reminders of why a portion of your college years turned bitter and acting on impulse don't mix well.

After seeing that boy outside of your building just a few moments ago, you didn’t waste a second booking a one-way flight to a different city that left the next day. 

It felt somewhat childish, still being bothered by things that happened to you years ago. Even so, you couldn’t stand staying in this city a day longer. 

It wasn’t long after you started packing your things, saying goodbye to the place that was your home for years now. You felt emotional, and rightfully so. You had to leave your family and friends without a goodbye since this was out of the blue, but this is what you needed the most, a fresh start.

The following morning, you made your way straight to the airport, unable to stay another moment in that apartment. Without a second thought, you left your key at the front desk and left without looking back.

ᥫ᭡ .  ˚

Who knew after moving out of your old city, you’d finally be able to accomplish your dream. With the help of the new people you had met, you were finally able to open your own cafe. 

For the first few months that you lived in this new city, there was this feeling of uncertainty you couldn’t shake off. Maybe it was the fact you were completely isolated from everyone else.

Moving to a new city meant you had zero friends, but that issue didn’t last long. As the days passed, you eventually met people who happened to have the right skills to help you open your cafe.

Of course, starting a business isn’t a cheap investment by any means. The cost of simply purchasing the building was more than expensive. Along came interior design, painting and flooring, lighting, storage, equipment, and ingredients. 

A year-long process, but it was worth the wait in your eyes.

It was a hassle and almost put you in debt, but once everything came together, you had no regrets. You were beyond proud of yourself, you never thought you’d be able to come this far; yet, here you are. 

Now, the only thing that remained was the name of the cafe. Though you’ve dreamed of this moment since the day you finished college, you never thought of a name. 

With the help of some friends, a name was finally decided.  

Soon, “Autumn Cafe” was now open to the public. Since your cafe was located in a somewhat popular location in the city, it didn’t take long for the cafe to become a success. 

You felt more than accomplished, you never thought your own business would reach this amount of success in such a short amount of time. 

ᥫ᭡ .  ˚

It’s unexpected for the owner of a business to work in said business. But hiding in plain sight was such a clever way to monitor what was going on in the cafe.

What made it all the more fun, the people you work with don’t know you own this establishment.

It’s a great thing you weren’t present during job interviews, or else this wouldn’t have worked out for you.

You worked as the cashier in your own business, but you didn’t mind. It kept you busy and saved you money as well, it was a win-win. 

ᥫ᭡ .  ˚

10:27 am. It was somewhat of a slow day today, given it was a school day and most of your customers were college students. There were only 5 customers in the store right now, just enjoying the silence of the cafe and eating or drinking whatever they ordered. 

You sat behind the counter reading about whatever drama was currently ongoing. Both your earbuds were plugged in so you couldn't hear whether or not someone came in, but you didn’t care. Rarely anyone came in at this time anyway.

You enjoyed days were work was slow, and you & your coworkers could relax once and a while, you guys enjoyed these moments whenever they were given. 

As you were scrolling, you noticed someone come up to the counter from your peripheral vision. “Welcome, how could I help you?” You said as you took off your earbuds and placed your phone back into your bag. 

Without looking up, you waited patiently for the person to voice out their order so you could punch it in the register. After what seemed to be a minute, the person still hadn’t said anything. 

“Maybe they’re browsing through the menu,” You said, still not looking up. But after what seemed like another minute passing by, you finally lifted your eyes to see what the person behind the counter was up to.

As your eyes found their way to the person in front of you, you felt your heart drop to your stomach as you realized who it was that stood just in front of you. 

Koshi?  

[a-romantics-guide-to-life]

⋆ ₊☽˚𝓵𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓭 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝓵𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓼˚☾₊ ⋆ 

𝓼𝓾𝓶𝓶𝓪𝓻𝔂 : you and coryo had gone through hell and back, you've been together and far apart yet you could never find the courage to say how you truly feel for him. so, you wrote them into letter form, but you never sent them. and so what happens when one mr. snow finds each and every letter only to realize that it's too late?

𝓽𝓻𝓲𝓰𝓰𝓮𝓻 𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 : written in letter form from the readers perspective, talks of jealousy and sad feelings, r is definitely from the capitol, self blame, kinda sorta depression, angst, deceit, suicide, coryo finally responds

𝓪/𝓷 : so here’s part three!! I’m ngl I cried writing this and I KNOW people were asking for a happy ending but I’m just gonna tell y’all now that this is angst NO/VERY LITTLE COMFORT! I just had to do it so here ya go! enjoy 😊!

𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓿𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓼 𝓹𝓪𝓻𝓽 | 𝓷𝓮𝔁𝓽 𝓹𝓪𝓻𝓽

⋆ ₊ ☽ ·˚𓍲⋆ 𝓹𝓪𝓻𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓻𝓮𝓮: 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓭𝓮𝓯𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓭 ⋆𓍲˚· ☾ ₊ ⋆ Dear Coriolanus,

Time ticks on and on as does life; but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt and it certainly doesn't mean that pain fades away with each passing day.

I heard from Mrs.Plinth that Sejanus was killed out in the districts. It must be so saddening knowing that your young son who had his whole life ahead of him died out in the districts all by himself. 

I wonder if you saw him die, what were his last words? 

Mrs.Plinth didn’t share much only saying that it was out in the districts and that she was very grateful that you were there for him. 

Yet it also hurts knowing that you upended the trajectory of your life all for Lucy Gray. 

What could she give you that I couldn’t?

People experience pain in such different ways. I remember when you got a cut when we were climbing trees in my backyard and you were stone faced acting like you were okay when I knew you weren’t. You hate blood and you especially hate pain and I know that. 

All of us do really, I too was only eight when the war ended. We all went through the pain of hunger every single day, some even committed heinous acts to survive that will haunt them forever. 

Some cower in terror and pain yet some rise above the pain. Some use that pain and anguish as a motivator to push forward and persevere. 

Like you. 

You know me, the runt of the litter. The forgotten one. Yet not by you, I know you would never forget me. 

Just like I’ll never forget you. 

Which is why it hurts so much to know that you still chose Lucy Gray over me. It still kills me when I think about my best friend, my first and forever love, who I’ve been through so much with choose a girl he’s just met over someone who's been on your side since day one. 

What did I do wrong? Was it something I said? What could she have that I don’t?

Life has quieted down I guess, school is the same old same old, just the same boring day one after another. The Capitol just seems so dreary and dull, there is constant gloom plaguing the sky.

I like to think it’s because you’re not here. My sun, my moon illuminating the dark dark sky, shining brightly amongst the stars that have long burned out.

I really do miss you Coryo,

Yours Truly

Coriolanus,

I heard from Tigiris you’re finally on your way home.

Is Lucy Gray with you?

I wonder if she’s holding your hand at the very second, comforting you about coming back to the home you call hell. Have you told her about your life in the Capitol, I wonder?

Is she truly your home now, Coriolanus?

It seems everyone around me is finding what their lives were missing. Money, power, glory. Yet there is this hole in my heart and my life in the shape of you. 

I will never find home.

Many people say that home is where the heart is or that home is a person or idea rather than a physical place and they’re right.

Because my home will forever be you, Coriolanus.

And it rips my chest apart to know that I will never be able to go home because a pretty little bird has decided to peck her way into my home and build a fragile little nest. It hurts even more to know that you protected that nest.

Are there little birdies tweeting in that nest now?

I wonder if you have Sejanus’ stuff. You really were that boy's best friend, you know that Coriolanus?

Just like how you were my best friend. Before the war, before Celmensia, before Sejanus, before Lucy Gray.

But hey, you’re finally on the way back to the Capitol, right?

You’re finally coming back home to me.

I truly do hope I am the first one you call.

Love,

Your Darling awaiting your call

To Coriolanus Snow,

My grave has been long set for I dug it. I have made my bed now, I must lie in it.

By the time you read this I will have already been long dead. The ache in my chest drove me to it, the numbing hole that consumed my being was no longer tolerable.

My head was drowning in anger, sadness, love. All for you my dearest Coriolanus. 

I find myself writing as if there is tomorrow yet I truly do know that there won’t be a future for me. 

I’ve reread every single unsent letter I have written for you and the gaping hole in my chest grows larger with every word I read for I know deep in my soul that I will never be able to go back in time and tell myself that it’s all worth it because I’m ow that it isn’t. 

It’s ruining my life, Coriolanus, please do not think less of me for it. 

My body has been battered and bruised all my by my hand, my mind plaguing my sanity, my memories, with fields of death and despair. I find now that I find solace and comfort in the thought.

I have dropped out of school, not that anyone would have noticed. I stopped sketching too, you know. It’s just that whenever my pencil touches the page all my hand seems to be able to draw is your face. My sketchbook has been filled with sketches of your face, your eyes, you at that reaping ceremony, you when you went to visit Lucy Gray in the Capitol zoo. All you.

I cant take it anymore Coryo, my heart can’t take it anymore. 

My mind is plagued with images of your beautiful face, your smug smiles, your laughs where you hide those gorgeous hydrangea blue eyes of yours, the look on your face when I hugged you for the last time. 

I replay that moment in my head, constantly. I seemingly can’t stop thinking back on that moment and think about what I could have said or could have given you to make you stay. 

I would have done anything to have you stay, to have you be mine. 

To have you love me back. 

It’s a fickle thing, love. Fragile, yet powerful. It can make one go mad yet it can also ground you. It can drive you to murder for someone yet it can also motivate you to step in front of a bullet for someone. 

It can also motivate you to live or cause you to die.

Some find love a nessecity to live while some find it the reason for their demise. 

My dearest Coriolanus, I’m so terribly sorry. Yet I cannot help but akin love to a hardship. A pain, a pain that no matter how many dates I go on or how many men I flirt with that this pain will not go away. 

I really tried, Coryo, I really did. I tried so hard to move on, to love someone else even when I know a hole is where my heart is and you and only you hold that missing piece. 

I love you Coriolanus Snow. 

I love you Coryo. 

I love you. 

I’ve loved you every minute of every single day of every single month of every single year ever since we were young. It may have been youthful play love but it shifted as the moons do. 

I love you in every memory, every letter, and every dream that we meet. I love you in every minute and my love will forever live on in the velvety petals of pure white roses and pillowy hydrangeas. 

I’ll love you, no matter what, every day, every hour, every minute, every year, for the rest of my life.

I’ll forever love you, even when I’m no longer here.

I forgive you my love, forever and always. 

My only hope that you’ll forgive me.

My last wish is that you finally receive all those letters I wrote to you as a naive and young girl and look back that even now, I’m still me.

I’ll love you forever,

Your Dearest Darling Dead

tagging! @lonely-dreamer

thanks so much for the support and love on this series, it really does mean a lot to me and I hope to see you on the epilogue!

[lildrabbles]

Chapter 7: Family Meeting

2007! Raphael x Female! Reader

Summary: Despite Raph's protests, hes made to bring you back to the lair to meet his family.

A/N: HELLO EVERYONE IM SO SORRY I HAVNT BEEN UPDATING, since school started i just kinda lost motivation to write BUT IVE CAME BACK. I cant say for sure how long youll have to wait in the future, cuz i have a problem with writers block. Also, this is a lot longer than most of my chapters, so enjoy!! But let me know if you like the longer chapters or shorter ones <3

Raph didn't want his brothers to meet her. They would embarrass the hell outta him! 'What do I care...' he told himself, but deep down inside he couldn't stop the dread. He stared at the stove while he ate his Corn Pops aggressively.

"Dude, what did those Corn Pops do to you?" Mikey said, laughing as he poked raphs side.

Raph quickly grabbed his finger and twisted it, causing Mikey to yelp and beg for mercy. Raph scoffed and let go, going back to eating his Corn Pops. When he was finished he stood up, making his way over to the sink to wash his bowl and spoon.

"So are you going to call her?" Donnie asked as he grabbed a poptart from the cabinet.

"I'm gonna text her to meet me." Raph said, not looking at him as he dried the bowl.

Donnie chuckled. "If only Leo were here to meet your girlfriend."

Raph was about to threaten him, but the mention of his eldest brother stopped him. He glared down at the spoon he held, not saying anything.

"Uh... sorry about bringing that up." Donnie cringed in on himself.

Raph scoffed. "Dont be. It's not like he's comin back anytime soon." He said dryly.

Donnie sighed. After a couple moments, Mikey piped up. "Dude, suddenly it got like, really tense in here."

Raph rolled his eyes as he turned around and leaned against the counter. "Blame Donnie."

"I apologised!" Don protested.

Raph sighed before placing the bowl back up in the cabinet. “I’m goin to the dojo to work out.” Before turning around and walking away, not waiting for any reply.

He was finishing beating the crap out of his punching bag before he felt light headed. He exhaled and collapsed onto the bench, grimacing at the sharp pain in his wound. When Donnie mentioned Leo it got his blood to boil. God, even thinking about him made him pissed. Who was Leo to think he could just leave his family, his own flesh and blood, just because he “didn’t feel good enough”? 

Didn’t he fcking know that he was the best fighter out of them all?! He was truly selfish. And before he left, Raph may have started an argument, which yes he shouldn't have done, but then Leo started going on about how Raph was selfish and that only his own opinion mattered! Can you believe the audacity of that turtle?!

He grunted as he took a swig from his water bottle, grabbing the cloth beside him to wipe all of the sweat off his forehead. Raph glanced down at his phone, looking at the time. It was currently 4 pm. He wanted to wait a bit longer until it got dark to meet up with her, but decided to text her sooner so she had some notice. 

He texted her to meet him in an alleyway where he knew wasn't far from her apartment and had a sewer entrance so they could easily get in and out without getting noticed. He also made sure to mention to come alone.

When she didn't respond right away, Raph decided to do some sit ups. After a couple of those, he heard his phone vibrate on the bench. He sat up and grabbed it, and read Y/N's message.

Y/N: ok what time? My shifts already over so I'm not worried

He chuckled at how she didn't even question it. Silly girl.

Raph: How about in half an hour?

Y/N: Sounds good to me! See you then

Raph sighs, then stands up, stretching and drinking the last of his water. Time to go make sure she gets there safely.

----------------------------------------------------------

You didn't have to wait that long in the alleyway for him. You stood and looked around, double checking this was the right alleyway. Yep, it was.

Since it was a bit chilly, every time you let out a breath a little cloud formed.

Before you could even call out, you heard a soft thump behind you. You jumped slightly, spinning around. A small smile erupted on your face as you saw Raph emerge from the shadows.

"Hey, Raph." You look back towards the sidewalk to make sure no one would see you both.

"Hey." He smiled. "Okay, so uh… you probably wanna know why I brought you here right?"

"Right." You agreed.

"My family wants to meet you. Sensei mostly wants to meet you because he wants to know if he can trust you with our secret."

"O-oh!" Your eyes widen slightly. "So I get to meet your family?"

"Yeah. But…"

You frowned slightly. "What is it?"

You then gasped when Raph leaned towards you and in a flash, your vision was dark. You felt him tying a piece of fabric around your eyes. 

"Raph, don't you think you're taking this too fast? I'm not into this kinda thing." Despite the shock of him doing this, you couldn't help making a cheeky joke while you giggled.

Even though you couldn't see him, his eyes widened as a blush erupted from his face. He frowned. "I-its not fcking like that!!" You could hear in his that he was flustered, causing you to giggle more.

You felt strong arms pick you up, but you weren't that alarmed because you recognised they were Raph's. You heard him grumbling to himself.

 You clinged onto his neck despite his firm grip on you.

"I'm only doin this cuz we can't risk you knowin our location yet." Raph blushed and grimaced slightly as your arms wrapped around his neck.

"Oh… well I guess I can understand that."

You suddenly felt the wind rush around you both and you let out a little squeal, feeling a little nauseous. You heard Raph's feet thump on the ground softly, meaning he had jumped down somewhere.

The more he walked, a disgusting smell assaulted your nose. You scrunched up your nose. "Are we in the sewers?"

"Yeah." Raph laughed watching your reaction.

You nod slightly, nose still scrunched up. After a couple more moments of walking, you felt him stop and he placed you on your feet.

You heard some shuffling and then a crash, followed by an "oof!". 

"Am I allowed to take this off now..?" You asked, directed towards Raphael.

 He grunted in response which you took as a yes, so you slipped it off, only to be met with another turtle with an orange bandana in your face. You jumped a little, bumping backwards nto Raph.

"Mikey, what did I tell ya before I left?!" He scolded the orange banded turtle.

The turtle named Mikey threw his hands up. "Sorry bro! I just wanted to get a good look." He offered his hand to you. "I'm Mikey!"

You smiled sheepishly, shaking his hand. "I'm y/n."

Another turtle with a purple bandana appeared. He did the same thing as Mikey and offered his hand to you. "It's nice to meet you y/n, i'm Donatello but just call me Donnie or Don." He smiled.

You smiled back and shook his hand. "Nice to meet you as well."

You awkwardly stood there while you heard Raph huff behind you, crossing his arms beside you. Then, you saw a rat, just a bit shorter than the turtles. You assumed this is the Sensei Raph had talked about.

You bowed your head slightly to him. "And you must be Sensei Splinter." You smiled a little up at him. He smiled back and stood in front of you, taking your hand in his and held it for a moment.

"And you must be y/n. Thank you for helping my idiot son." He shot a quick glare towards Raph.

"Of course. I wouldn't call him an idiot though, after all he was just trying to protect--"

Raph suddenly cleared his voice loudly. "Okay, you met her, now what?"

"Dude we should all watch a movie together!!" Mikey exclaimed.

Before Raph could protest, everyone else agreed. But you were hesitant. "I would love to but I don't want to become a problem for you guys."

Raph stared down at you. "The hell do you-" he couldn't finish before getting smacked in the head by Splinter. He winced before re-phrasing. "What do you think you'll be a problem for?" He said gruffly.

You shrugged a little. "I-i don't know, I just don't want to invade your guys' personal life."

Donnie spoke up. "Don't worry about that, we would love to have you. We haven't had company like this in… well, we've never met new people really. Except for April and Casey, but we've known them forever"

You nodded, remembering Raph telling you about them. Then you smiled. "Ok, then. I'll stay."

Mikey cheered and ran towards the kitchen to gather snacks. 

After a bit of setting up the movie (that apparently Donnie pirated) and setting up all the snacks, you settled down onto the couch beside Raph. You smiled up at him softly, making his heart clench. But he didn't show it, just smirking a little and huffing, taking a handful of popcorn from the bowl in your lap.

You chuckled, offering everyone popcorn before the movie began. Then Donnie turned on the movie, and you let out a deep exhale, sinking into the old, tattered couch.

After about halfway through the movie, while everyone else was asleep, Splinter left to go meditate in his room. So it was only you and Raph awake now.

"Your family seems really nice," you whispered to him.

He scoffed quietly. "Yeah but my brother's can get hella annoying."

You giggle a little and lean in closer. "I'm sure you'll seem annoying after a while of knowing you too."

Raph playfully glared down at you. "Oh yeah? Ditto. Except you're already gettin on my nerves." He joked.

You held your chest where your heart is dramatically. "Ouch. My heart."

You both laugh quietly. You looked down, then shuffled closer to him so your thighs were touching, and wrapped your arms around yourself, getting a little chilly.

He tensed a little, trying to even his breathing. He noticed your eyes starting to droop. "You know you can fall asleep, right?" He said softly. What has gotten into him lately?

"Are you sure?" You looked up towards him. He nodded, then grabbed a blanket from behind the couch, throwing it on you. You giggled a little and got snuggled up in the blanket. You then gently rested your head on his shoulder before whispering, "Is this okay..?"

"Y-yeah…" He whispered back. You smiled and got comfy against him, before closing your eyes to go to sleep.

After a couple moments, he relaxed. He let out a soft exhale. The way you cuddled into his side made his heart skip a beat. Shut the hell up, Raph. She's just cold. And you can't be goin soft for anyone!! He scolded himself. But despite his protests in his head, he let himself fall asleep, managing to fall into a slumber way easier than he's ever had.

[thenextdawn-temporarilyclosed]

You’re Alive Pt. 2

Pt. 1 HERE

Word count: 1.2K

Summary: you ask Wednesday why she never told you anything and your reaction will not be of her liking.

Warnings: none

Pairing: Wednesday X Fem!Reader

Shorter chapter today! Sorry about that but it’s just been a bad Christmas and I didn’t really have the motivation to write. Hope you like it anyway🖤✨

———

After you had vented and tried to recover from the initial shock, it was now dark and you decided to get back into the room and go sleep. In these period of rime you had changed all of the bedsheets in each room so it was safe to sleep there. The two of you decided to sleep in Wednesday’s old bed, as she still insisted on not wanting to sleep in a bed that was too colorful. You had snuggled up to her, even if three years ago she hated that you did anyway, and she pulled you closer to her, it seemed like she had missed you too. You could sense that there was something off, you just didn’t know what it was and you didn’t want to pry.

You just wanted to talk to her, you wanted to ask her everything from when she “died” to when she came back and all of it. However you didn’t have enough time to ask her that because you were soon asleep. Wednesday watched you sleep peacefully next to her, she looked at you like she always used to when you went to school together, but this time there was something different which you couldn’t yet figure out. You woke up abruptly in your sleep after your usual nightmare, the one where you saw everyone die again. You breathed heavily and quickly, looking around as you sat up.

“(Y/N), it’s okay, I’m here” Wednesday told you as she put a hand on your cheek to calm you down and reassure you. It did work, but you still had the question and you couldn’t push it down anymore. “Why did you never tell me anything?” You asked her and saw how she looked down. “I couldn’t (Y/N), it wasn’t that easy” she said, probably trying to hide the truth “yes, it was that easy Wednesday. All you had to do was send a letter!” You watched her shake her head at your affirmation. “Me and the others deemed it better that it was best if you didn’t know.” She said, averting her eyes from you. She realized that all of this was going to be hard on you and now she had to be the one to tell you. “The others? You’re telling me that you’re all alive!?” Now it was getting hard for you to believe her words.

“Wednesday you were my girlfriend! I suffered for y’alls death and you didn’t even think to let me know you were alive?” You said as tears were starting to build up in your eyes. You got up from your bed to walk around the room frenetically. All these years you had been lied to and it was hurting. “We couldn’t. We were being stalked-“ you interrupted her “you could have had Thing help you! Wednesday I almost killed myself because of y’alls actions! All this years I blamed myself and three years later you come and tell me that you’ve been lying to me!?” You said as tears began leaving your eyes. Wednesday couldn’t see you hurt because of her, so she looked down but looked up when she heard you almost killed yourself.

“What do you mean?” She asked you “what I mean is, I was in a fucking mental health clinic until this year because I was depressed, because I had lost my girlfriend and all of my friends because of my actions and it turns out that it was for nothing? Are you even here to stay or are you leaving again? Because at this point I don’t know if I should trust you”. Tears built up in Wednesday’s eyes at that and when you saw her look away again you realized that she wasn’t going to stay. “You’re not going to stay right?” You asked her and she nodded. You went close to the window, trying to suppose the tears and sobs that were coming out.

“You promised you’d stay-“ you said crying in front of the window. “Apparently you just like to lie to me and see me suffer, no, you just like to see people suffer” you said and at that Wednesday got up and tried to hug you from behind “(Y/N) I’m sorry-“ you pushed her away “no you’re not!” You yelled and turned to face her right in the eyes “why are you even here Wednesday?” You yelled, you couldn’t bare it anymore, the pain was just too much, you felt yourself get deeper in that tunnel of yours again. “I missed you.. and I care about you. I just wanted to see you well” she said and that made you even more angry. “Well if you cared about me then you’d let me believe you were dead! By coming here and leaving again you’re doing nothing but hurting me again” you spat this harsh truth right in her face. You didn’t care if it hurt her, you just had to tell her.

“(Y/N) That’s not what I want to do!” Wednesday started getting upset. She needed you to listen. So she took you by your shoulders to force you to look at her. “Wednesday, you went away and it hurt, and it kept hurting and now you’re back. But then you’re going to leave again and it will hurt again! Do you even care about my feelings? Huh?” You asked her. You didn’t care to move away from where she was holding you. “I have nothing left here Wednesday. Nothing. Then I get to see you again and you’re not even staying! You talk so much about loving me but you never even showed it-“ sobs were making their way up to your throat again. “All my life it’s been nothing but shitty. My parents died, Weems died, you all lied to me, I don’t even know what to believe anymore…” you looked down and she looked away once more.

“Weems is alive too..” she said in a low whisper. “You see? This is exactly what I’m fucking talking about! You all have been lying to me for three years! I don’t deserve all of this-“ you pulled away from her and began crying again. You had been used to being alone until now and you just couldn’t figure out why you were getting all of this. Once again Wednesday tried hugging you from behind, and you again tried pushing her back. “(Y/N) please just let me hold you before I leave…” you sighed at her words and let her do. You were enjoying her touch but at her same time you didn’t want it. You didn’t want to get too attached to it and miss it again. This is why you only lasted a couple minutes. “Please stop” you said and pushed her back, you couldn’t bare to even look at her “just leave before I change my mind.”

“I promise I’ll come back (Y/N)… I love you.” She said with tears in her eyes before leaving the room and then the building. When she did you screamed out of frustration and sadness, throwing things around and Breaking stuff. You knew you were falling into that dark tunnel again.

[celestiall0tus]

Tales of Bloody Bug and Chat Noir - Chapter 37 - Unsafe

Beginning || Previous || Next

            Gallic Chick and Porcelet escorted Adrien into his mansion. They crossed the parlor to the stairs when Gabriel cleared his throat. They stopped and stared up at him.

            “Thank you for bringing my son home. You may leave,” Gabriel announced.

            “Sir, with all due respect, we need-,” Porcelet started.

            “Leave. Now. I won’t ask it again.”

            Gallic Chick opened her mouth, but Porcelet stopped her. They exchanged glances before they turned and left. Adrien gulped and turned to Gabriel.

            “Father, please. They helped me. You can-.”

            “You’re not leaving this house again, Adrien.”

            “What? Why?”

            “Why? Why? Are you that daft? There is a villain out there that took you from the school with ease. A villain that was using you to get to the butterfly man. What makes you think I’d let you back out there with such a villain running around?”

            “You certainly had no problem with it after those girls assaulted me! You had no issue with assigning me a bodyguard with the ulterior motive of her being my fucking betrothed without my consent! Is anything you actually do meant for my safety? Do you even really care about me?”

            “Adrien! What has gotten into you? I am your father. You will not use such language or tone with me.”

            “That’s what you’re concerned with? Nothing else? Does this really mean that you don’t care about me?”

            “How could you ask such a question? Of course I care. I will always do what is best for you whether you like it or not.”

            “What’s best for me, or what’s convenient for you?”

            “Adrien, how could-?”

            “You haven’t done what’s best for me in ages. You kept me caged here after Mom died. You refused to let me go to school and be with other people my age. You blamed me for those girls, that were supervillains, assaulting me. You made a deal for a bodyguard to also be my future wife without my consent or care about what either of us wanted. Now you want to cage me again because there’s nothing stopping that villain from getting me at school or at home. So, what difference does it make at this point? Does anything even matter at all?”

            “Enough! Nathalie, take Adrien to his room. He is not to leave this house ever again!” Gabriel roared.

            Adrien watched Gabriel storm off while Nathalie nudged him forward. He sighed and obeyed Nathalie’s silent instruction. He headed up to his room with her behind him. He plopped down on his couch and glared at the blank TV screen. Nathalie closed the door and leaned against the couch.

            “Bold move there, Adrien. When did you get such a bite?” Nathalie asked.

            “Why do you care?”

            “Because you seemed like you wanted to talk, but I’ll leave you alone if-.”

            “What is his problem? Doesn’t he see that it doesn’t matter where I go or what I do, I’m in danger? Does he honestly believe me staying here is the best thing when it puts everyone else in as much danger?”

            “Would it not be the same if you stayed in school? Would your new friends be in just as much danger? If it came down to it, who would you want to put in that danger? Your friends, or Gabriel and the rest of us?”

            Adrien grimaced and looked away.

            “It’s not an easy decision, Adrien. No matter how you look at it, someone will get hurt. This way, should trouble find itself here, Gabriel can have a say in trying to keep you safe, not that he really could in the end.”

            “But why? What does he care? He didn’t care before.”

            Nathalie chuckled and headed for the door. “Make no mistake, Adrien, Gabriel does care. He just needs his eyes opened a little.”

            “How can I make him see then? How can I get him to listen?”

            “Just keep doing what you’re doing. I’m sure that’ll wake him up before long. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to oversee dinner preparations.”

            Adrien watched Nathalie leave before he turned back to his TV. He pulled his knees close to him as Stompp plopped onto his shoulder.

            “So, what do we do now?” Stompp asked.

            “I don’t know, Stompp. I don’t want to stay here, but Nathalie has a point. If I head out, be with my friends, would I not be putting them in just as much danger? Even if they’re heroes, would I not be putting them in compromising positions just to ensure my safety?”

            “I mean, most likely. The only time you’d be safe is if you’re out as a hero, but even that can be risky. Not saying you shouldn’t, but just be prepared before you head into battle.”

            “How so?”

            “Like Master said, with my power, you will be safe from the commands of the peacock, however that power will only last for five minutes at your current stage. Which can be enough time providing you outsmart the peacock woman. Because, no offense, but she seems smarter than all of you. Almost like those sciencey research types. You know, the kind that do anything for the pursuit of knowledge.”

            “So, I’m screwed no matter what?”

            “Uh, well, maybe? But it should be fine! At least, I hope it will. I’m honestly not sure what’ll happen and it’s kinda scary. I’ve not seen a human like this since the Mage.”

            “The Mage? What was he like?”

            Stompp looked in the distance as his eyes glazed over. “I don’t completely remember the whole thing. There are just… splinters. His determination to discover new things, push the boundaries, and make something new. It was intoxicating… but terrifying.”

            “Terrifying? How so?”

            “I just… I remember such a whole feeling. A sense of togetherness. It was warm, lavish, and everything. Then there was hollow, crushing loneliness. Like I was torn away from it and cast out. After that, we woke up as we were and in the possession of humans under the supervision of the Mage. We seemed to be doing good things at the time, but before long, we were contained again. When we woke up again, we were in the hands of the Order.”

            “The Order?”

            “That’s right. The Order of the Guardians. It’s who Master was affiliated with before the temple vanished, along with all the other miraculous jewels.”

            “Woah! What happened?”

            “We don’t know. We just woke up and the temple was gone. We tried to ask Master when we had chances, but we never got an answer. But that was also when we learned about Duusu and Nooroo missing.”

            “Duusu is the peacock, right? Who is Nooroo?”

            “Yes, and Nooroo is the butterfly. We lost them both after that incident. We never knew what happened to them, until now. They’ve fallen into, well, I suppose evil hands.”

            “You suppose? I don’t understand. They seem pretty evil to me.”

            Stompp shook his head. “Something doesn’t seem right. The Hawkmoth one is just an idiot. Even I can see he’s not devoted to his villainy. Oh, let’s send out a villain once a week, maybe every other week. Oh, I’m so scared! Pitiful. But that peacock… don’t underestimate her. I fear if you do, it’ll be your undoing.”

            “What should I do then? If I can’t fight her, and she may come for me again, what can I even do?”

            “Assess the situation. Comply, and I don’t mean with her. Comply with your father.”

            “What? Why?”

            “Think about it. Out in the city, the peacock could attack from anywhere. Here, there’s control. You know the ins and outs, who comes and goes, and more. You truly are safest here. Here you have a fighting chance, as little as it already is.”

            “That’s a bittersweet sentiment. I mean, yeah I’m safe, but I don’t want to be stuck here the entire time.”

            “Well, how about when you head out, you are as a hero. You still have me after all. You aren’t completely benched.”

            “But what if Mayura takes you? What then?”

            Stompp considered. “I don’t think she will. If she knew, I don’t think she’d pass up on the knowledge it could bring her. But that is only if she knows. Keep it hidden, and you shouldn’t have to worry about it.”

            Adrien smiled and nuzzled Stompp. “Thank you.”

            “Hey, I do what I can. It may not be much, but I do what I can.”

            “Hey, what do you say we go pay a visit to our friends. Let them know what’s going on.”

            Stompp grinned. “You know what to say.”

            Adrien nodded. He messaged the others to meet at Le Grand Paris. He slipped his phone into his pocket and stood.

            “Stompp, charge ahead.”

            Stompp disappeared into the nose ring. Adrien’s clothes transformed into a blue gray jacket with a dark blue collar and rolled cuffs with gold studs, multicolored blue layered strap shirt, pants, blue gloves with light blue fingers, and blue boots with light blue ox -styled toes. A pair of dark blue belts with gold studs wrapped around each of his thighs and a similar belt around his hip with an ox head buckle. The look was completed with a pair of golden ox horns atop his head and a blue ox tail.

            Adrien grinned and headed out to Le Grand Paris. He landed on the rooftop where he saw Gallic Chick and Porcelet waiting. They waved him down as he joined them.

            “Check out the new threads on you!” Gallic Chick cooed.

            “You look amazing!” Porcelet praised.

            Adrien blushed and looked away. “Oh, it’s nothing much. Just thought I’d try something a little different.”

            “It’s a really good different. And perfect for the designers of Paris,” Gallic Chick commented.

            “What do you mean?” Adrien asked.

            “You know that Heroes Day nonsense? Well, I might have overheard Mother talking about how uninspiring our designs were and these whole fashion lines were going to be an utter disaster. I then went to Daddy and ask him about it, and that’s when I learned he commissioned the elite designers of Paris to create special hero themed clothes lines. Oh, and something about a contest for newbie designers to get their big break and have the heroes model the winning designs.”

            Adrien’s eyes widened. “That’s amazing!”

            “Right? So, and I shared this with Bloody Bug shortly, but I was thinking we ditch the lame supersuits for something way cooler. Give the designers something more. Like what you’re doing, uh, what do we call you?”

            Adrien hummed. “How about… Taureau?”

            “I love it,” Porcelet cheered.

            “It works,” Gallic Chick remarked.

            “Oh, and speaking of Bug, where is she?” Taureau asked.

            “I dunno. When I messaged her all that, she posted to the group chat that she’s currently preoccupied, but she informed our temp cat about this meeting. So, we should be meeting your temp replacement,” Gallic Chick answered.

            Taureau frowned and opened his mouth when a chill ran up his spine. He felt a shadow hover over him that disturbed the air. He moved to turn when a pair of hands gripped his shoulders. He screamed and tore himself away as a girl cackled like a witch. He hid behind Porcelet as he got a good look at the girl.

            The girl was as tall as Juleka and shared her pale skin. She was draped in a black, hooded cloak with black gloves, boots, and pants with shifting ghastly green ghost mist and lights. Her eyes matched Chat Noir’s, but her mask covered her mouth with a hissing cat mouth etched onto it. Beneath her hood were bands of black hair with dyed green tips. A cat tail wagged behind her that betrayed her mirth.

            “And just who are you?” Gallic Chick challenged.

            “I am Death… Death Noire.” Death Noire spoke in a hushed, chilling tone.

            Taureau shuddered and gulped. “Y-you don’t say. Uh, pleased to, uh, meet you.”

            Death Noire darted around Porcelet to Taureau. “So, you’re Chat Noir, eh? Pleasure to meet you, cat to, well, ox.”

            Taureau forced a smile as Porcelet moved between him and Death Noire.

            “Pleasure to meet you, Death Noire. I’m Porcelet.”

            “Pleasure is all mine, little piggy. And you, rooster girl, must be Gallic Chick, right?”

            Gallic Chick flipped her hair. “The one and only.”

            Death Noire hummed as she looked around. “I’m missing something. I had a plus one. Where did… ah ha!”

            Taureau raised a brow as he watched Death Noire dart past Gallic Chick to the patio railing. He tilted his head when he saw the tip of white rabbit ears. He watched as Death Noire grabbed Harlequin and tossed him into the middle of everyone.

            Porcelet cooed. “Bunny!”

            “Wait, how long have we had a rabbit?” Gallic Chick demanded.

            “It’s long and complicated, but the short of it is he was given a kwami first, then the miraculous thingy by Bloody Bug,” Death Noire answered.

            “So, he’s not really part of the team, right?”

            “Oh, he is now.”

            “And who are you to make that call?” Harlequin demanded.

            Death Noire got in Harlequin’s face and stared him dead in the eyes. “Because you need to get out from your doom, gloom, and self-loathing. I’m tired of listening to your pitiful ‘woe be me’ songs because you don’t have the balls to break up with your girlfriend that doesn’t love you anymore and hopelessly pines for short-tempered red head.”

            “Wait! Wait! Luka?” Gallic Chick screeched.

            “What? How’d you know?” Harlequin asked.

            “Because Gallic Chick also has a crush on a short-tempered red head,” Porcelet commented.

            “Porcelet!” Gallic Chick screamed.

            “Wait a minute. Chloe?” Harlequin asked looking at Gallic Chick.

            “Huh, I thought I recognized that hatred,” Death Noire remarked.

            “Excuse me, what? How could anyone hate me?” Gallic Chick asked.

            “You bullied me for years until I snapped off at you promising to offer you up as a ritual sacrifice to the ancient horrors bound to the land. I also claimed that not even the devil would want your soul and you’d be forced to wander the Earth as a forgotten soul, bound to become a horror. You didn’t believe me until I started bringing materials to school to perform what you thought was a satanic ritual.”

            Gallic Chick’s face twisted in confusion before it twisted in disgust. “Juleka?”

            Death Noire bowed.

            “Oh! That makes sense. Luka wouldn’t be caught away from Juleka. We never saw Luka on the field, but now that Juleka is, we’ll see Luka too. Brilliant!” Porcelet mused.

            “And, at a guess, Chat Noir is Adrien, and Porcelet, I’m guessing you’re Sabrina.”

            “Woah! How’d you figure it out?” Porcelet asked.

            “You’re never far from Chloe as Luka is never far from me. And Adrien here is the only person that had been recently threatened and was also the first person Alix really got close to. Which should mean nothing if I didn’t already know who Bloody Bug is.”

            “She told you, didn’t she?” Taureau asked.

            Death Noire nodded.

            “Well, I’m glad we could get this sorted out, I guess. Should make things easier, right?” Porcelet commented.

            “Close. We still don’t have Bomb Bee,” Taureau commented.

            “Bomb Bee? Where are they? I was told I’d get to meet the whole-.”

            Death Noire stopped as she leaned back. She turned as Bomb Bee jumped onto the rooftop with them.

            “What’s up girls? Oh, and guys,” Bomb Bee cheered.

            Death Noire raised a brow then squealed. “Alya!”

            Bomb Bee smirked. “Oh, who told you about little ol’ me?”

            “Me. I’d recognize that familiarity anywhere. Just like Mylene and Alix. I’d say Rose too, but she’s more than you three. No offense.”

            Bomb Bee grinned. “Wait, Juleka? Is it really you?”

            Bomb Bee and Death Noire squealed as they twirled each other around.

            “This is amazing! We just need Rose and Mylene, then we’ll have the full squad!” Bomb Bee exclaimed.

            “Full squad? You won’t bring in Marinette, will you?” Porcelet asked.

            “No,” Bomb Bee, Death Noire, and Harlequin all said.

            Gallic Chick, Porcelet, and Taureau all exchanged glances.

            “Uh, may I ask why? You all seemed the best of friends. As close as me and Gallic Chick,” Porcelet asked.

            “She’s… changed. And this isn’t blaming you, but it really started with Adrien,” Bomb Bee admitted.

            “What do you mean? How am I the cause?” Taureau asked.

            “She just… she kept saying how much she was in love. It was… I don’t know. It was strange, but I just thought she was madly in love. You know, that true love stuff we’re always fed in stories. We all just brushed it off as that and tried to help her get close to you,” Bomb Bee admitted.

            “Until Bee told us about the day at the Louvre. We, uh, may have also suggested she date someone else to get her mind off you. That’s when Rose and I sorta pushed Luka to ask her out. We honestly expected her to say no, but she accepted,” Death Noire added.

            Taureau trotted over and sat beside Harlequin. “How’s that been?”

            Harlequin shook his head. “I hate it. I can feel the love in her heart, but only when you are mentioned or seen. But once I’m around, it’s all gone, but she puts on a show. She pretends to like me, but her eyes are still on you.”

            “Why don’t you break up with her?”

            Harlequin sneered and shot to his feet. “You think I haven’t tried? You think I haven’t reached out to her, wanting to talk? Wanting to break it off? I’ve even texted her that we’re done, but she ignores me. She continues to put up her act that I’m her boyfriend when her heart is only for you, and I hate it. I hate listening to it. I hate being near it.”

            “Near what?” Porcelet asked.

            “Her heart’s song. It was beautiful before, but now it scares me. It’s like the beautiful serenades of people in love, but twisted and bastardized. But not just that. There are loud undertones I’ve heard in other softer, sweeter melodies. But it’s far from soft or sweet. It’s ravenous, unfulfilled, and wanting. A hunger that can never be sated.”

            Taureau gulped and hugged himself. Porcelet placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a reassuring smile.

            “I’m here,” Porcelet whispered.

            Tears fell from Taureau’s eyes as he hugged Porcelet.

            “Hey, so, this may be a bad time, but what happened that day? You know, with Volpina and Heart’s Design?” Bomb Bee asked.

            “Bomb Bee, please, leave him-,” Porcelet started.

            “They assaulted me,” Taureau whispered.

            Bomb Bee covered her mouth, Harlequin flinched, and Death Noire’s eyes widened.

            “That explains a lot,” Bomb Bee whispered.

            “More than a lot. Chat Noir, we promise, we’ll do everything we can to keep her away from you,” Death Noire whispered.

            “No, it’s fine. I don’t want to be what ruins your friendship with her, please,” Taureau whimpered.

            “I think there’s nothing left to salvage at this point,” Death Noire hissed.

            “If… if that’s the case, can you do me a favor?” Taureau asked.

            “Anything. Name it,” Bomb Bee said.

            “Marinette wanted to talk with Bloody Bug, and Bug agreed. Can you be there to keep an eye on Bug? I don’t know what will happen, but I’m scared something will.”

            “Why not just tell her not to go?” Gallic Chick asked.

            “Well, hold up. It would be a chance to really see what Marinette is after. Furthermore, it gives us a chance to snoop,” Porcelet pointed out.

            “Go on,” Bomb Bee urged.

            “Well, with Gallic Chick’s powers, she could become invisible and take a look around while Bloody Bug speaks with Marinette. See what evidence we can find to build a case against her and keep her away from Adrien.”

            “I like the way she thinks,” Death Noire purred.

            “Same. Let’s do it!” Bomb Bee exclaimed.

            “You know I’ll do anything to keep Adrikins safe,” Gallic Chick boasted.

            “Perfect. When is the meeting?” Death Noire asked.

            “Two nights from now at nine in the evening,” Taureau answered.

            “Excellent. See you all then?” Bomb Bee asked.

            “Yes, yes. I will need you lot added to the group chat. So, you can give me your numbers now or I can get them from Bloody Bug. Your choice,” Gallic Chick remarked.

            Bomb Bee and Death Noire sighed as they gave Gallic Chick their numbers, including Harlequin’s. They said their good-byes and headed off. Taureau sighed and stepped back.

            “I should probably head home. I meant to bring it up, but Gabriel is restricting me to the mansion again,” Taureau whispered.

            “What? Absolutely not! I’m going to-!” Gallic Chick started.

            “No! Please. It’s safer this way. For me and you guys,” Taureau said.

            “Did he tell you that?”

            “No. Nathalie and Stompp did.”

            Gallic Chick relaxed a little, but crossed her arms.

            “Are you ok with this?” Porcelet asked.

            “No, but I get it. I don’t like it, but the last thing I want is for any of you to get hurt, or put yourselves in a compromising position just for me. Your safety is just as important as mine and I can’t recklessly play with that. Especially knowing Bloody Bug,” Taureau explained.

            “Yeah. You should have seen it earlier. We had to gag her as we dragged her away so she wouldn’t transform in the middle of the schoolyard. It was… it was unpleasant,” Porcelet admitted.

            Taureau grimaced. “I don’t want a repeat of that again.”

            “Ok, but promise me something.”

            “Anything.”

            “Message us immediately if you’re in danger. If you feel anything, tell us, please. Your safety is just as important as ours.”

            Taureau blinked, then smiled. “I will. As long as it’s in my power, I’ll let you all know.”

            “Thank you. And we’ll be sure to visit, right, Gallic Chick?”

            “Well, of course. Who are we? Gabriel?” Gallic Chick retorted.

            Porcelet smiled. “Be safe, Kitten.”

            “You too, Rin.”

            Taureau and Porcelet planted a kiss on each other’s cheeks, then rubbed their noses together. They giggled and shared a hug before Taureau headed home.

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[thatdehydratedmedic]

A new beginning

It's September. After many rough winds, the dust has settled. June, July and August brought with them uncertainty, but here I am now. I am now in Malaysia. There's only a few days left before registration. Although I'm scared, I'm also relieved. So much has been done and I am one step closer to my goal.

During my first week here, my dad stayed with me in Malaysia at a separate hotel. He helped shop for necessities and I helped him pick out gifts for the rest of our family. It was quite the hassle. I remember people telling me that moving to Malaysia would be easy because everyone speaks English. I've found this to be a lie. Most people, in fact, do not speak English. In this era though, it is not a boundary we cannot cross. Google translate came in handy. I remember hosting a Japanese kid at out place before. This was ages ago, before the age of Google Translate. She could not speak English and relied on a tablet-sized device for her translations. It was not easy.

The most difficult part so far has been adjusting to how quiet the place is in general. Since I'm staying at a 2 room apartment and my roommate has still not moved in, its so so so quiet. It gives me the creeps. That's why I've come downstairs to the lobby to write. There is absolutely no way I could stay in my room any longer before I go insane.

I also find that the food here is very different. With all due respect to Malaysian culture, I have found that the food is pretty oily and the taste profile is worlds apart from what I'm used to. There is a sharp, almost citrus-y note in almost everything. Although I imagine someone else might enjoy it, I can't say I do. I miss the plain rice, garudhiya and curry. Even more than that, I miss the mas'huni and roshi.

I've written a lot about how things have been in Malaysia. But I also want to talk about how work was back in Maldives. I met so many patients who made me want to keep pursuing medicine. While there were definitely instances where patients behaved aggressively towards me, I can't blame them or even bring myself to be upset at them. Their pain and frustration was the result of a bigger issue with the healthcare industry as whole. Moments of helplessness gave me increased motivation.

Of course there was also the times where I could be helpful. Moments like these were much more common and naturally, I remember them a lot more fondly. My favorite interaction with a patient was when they requested me to translate for them on their second visit after being satisfied with my service on their first. They had come back after about 4 months. When they first took my name on a small piece of paper I did not think much of it, but I realized how much I had impacted them when they asked for me after so many months. It was a greater joy to see that they were doing much better than before.

During my time working, I met many great doctors as well. Among them, some more than others. In this regard the neurosurgeon was exceptional. He was an example of kindness, patience and diligence. I had gone into work thinking I would like to become a doctor who did not have to spend so much time in the hospital. I thought I would prefer to be someone with a good work-llife balance. After working with the said doctor though, I changed my mind. I believed I would much prefer the busy life.

That's all I have to say for now. That and that I cannot wait for uni to start. I am so excited to make anki cards and revise them. Watch me take those words back when school actually begins. I also need to note I am no longer sleep deprived. I am still dehydrated though, perhaps more than before. See you next time!

[my-usernames-posts]

You cheer from up close Nishinoya during a match headcanon

Nishinoya X reader

Warnings : none (oh, but I didn't proofread)

It was *that* match against Inarizaki & you knew you had to go down near Yachi & Kiyoko. Nishinoya was surely feeling pressured from being targeted for the first time.

You made your way down to where Yachi was. "Nishinoya Yuū!! Remember when you were scared to ask me out? How did you do it??" Nishinoya turned around. "I did it scared!" Escaped his lips. "Exactly! If the ball scares you then it hit it being scared!" Nishinoya looked at his teammates. "Grandfather was right! If I'm still scared then I ask for help. But sometimes I can do it myself being scared!!"

You smiled at him & he smiled back. "Remember how you fumbled & beat around the bush & asked with your face half looking down? You were scared but you still asked me. I said yes because you asked!!"

"You'd never say yes if I didn't ask! There is no hope if I don't move but little hope if I do! I LOVE YOU Y/N!" "I LOVE YOU TOO!!"

"Thank you for coming" Yachi smiled at you. "This will probably come on national television & I'll have to introduce him to my parents before we graduate high school but oh well." Nishinoya who was approaching you for a quick good luck kiss winked at you both saying "That's my girlfriend <3" You sent a flying kiss & started going back up saying "I'll see you later when you win the match :)"

"Looks like Karasuno's libero got the best motivation ever!" "We forget the players are still high school kids, ah young love!" The commentators added.

*time skip*

You went down to help Kiyoko & Yachi after the match was over. Nishinoya was making way towards the bench to sleep when he saw you. And he flopped into your arms while trying to hug you & greet you. "Sleepy baby" you giggled & kissed his temple as his eyes were drooping.

Sugawara saw you & giggled before helping you support his weight. Both of you dragged noya to the bench & you put his head in your lap as he drifted off to sleep.

You always carried a small blanket to matches knowing your boyfriend was a sleepyhead. This time too, you pulled it out & covered him & stroked his head. "You've done well love. I'm proud of you." You whispered into his ear.

*later that night*

The match highlights were on. Asahi & Sugawara were cringing at themselves. Hinata was all excited. Kageyama & Tsukishima groaned when Nishinoya came on screen. Of course they had to broadcast that scene of you trying to encourage your own boyfriend. It was a clip of you both conversing but the "I love you's" were the only audible dialogue luckily.

Later that night you were with Nishinoya for a bit before bedtime. "Thank you today Y/N... I should be a better boyfriend by not getting flustered when you are in the stands..." "I know, noya. You're worried people will blame me for distracting you if the team loses, right?" "People judge harshly, Y/N. I don't want you to be blamed for our mistakes." "I couldn't care less what people say & I don't bother if you win or lose. I just like it when your happy. And you're happy playing on the court." Both of you were holding hands but Nishinoya removed his.

You moved closer making your lips touch to initiate a kiss. It was very sweet & gentle. Your hands in his fluffy hair. His hands on your shoulders. You heard a slight sound so you pulled back. Normally Nishinoya wouldn't care of someone saw you both making out even, but he didn't want to do anything today. Especially with 2 teachers in the house.

You tucked him in bed, saying "Sleep tight Noya. You've worked hard all day." "Come to see us even tomorrow Y/N, love." "I will. Good night now <3" "Aren't you forgetting something??" "I was about to give your good night kiss omg you're such a baby!" "Yes I am. But YOUR baby!" He winked

"You better win many matches before heading home, because you'll have to meet my parents after we got exposed on TV"you laughed before kissing his forehead & nose & walking back to your room.

[elisysd]

55. Take a heart and take a hand, like an ocean takes the dirty sand

Masterlist - Previously - Next

Chapter soundtrack: Heal - Tom Odell

Ethan was feeling uncomfortable, doubting for a minute that it had been a good idea. His dad, on the other side of the room, had a bouncing leg as he was looking through the window. Sofia was sitting in front of them, her notebook open on her knees, quietly looking at them.

“Max, I think your son has some things to tell you. Right, Ethan?”

“I do… Well, I don’t even know where to start…”

“What about explaining why you started racing?”

“I guess I always admired my dad when I was visiting him on the tracks. My earliest memories are all linked to racing, all linked to seeing his wins, how he was respected out there, how people liked him… But you know how you react when you’re a kid, you want your parents undivided attention and that’s not really how I grew up. I don’t blame you dad, at least not anymore. I know how it gets when you’re away more than half the year. I know it’s tough. But when I was three I didn’t understand why my dad couldn’t be here when I was parent’s meetings at school or why he couldn’t make it to my birthdays. I soon understood that if I wanted his attention, I had to find something that I could have in common with him. That’s how I first got into racing. I fell in love with the sport straight away but the smile it brought on your face, dad, that’s why it kept me going.”

“How did you react when Ethan said he wanted to try karting?” Sofia asked Max.

“At first I was a little reluctant.”

“Why?”

“Because for the exact reason Ethan explained. I didn’t want him to feel like he had to get into karting to make me happy. If I’m being honest, I almost told him no when he asked me, the first time. I would have preferred for him to do anything else but racing. Football, basketball, even ballet for all I care, as long as it was not racing.”

“Why was it so important for you that Ethan doesn’t follow in your footsteps?”

“Because I knew what would be said. I knew that comparison would inevitably happen. And I wanted to protect him from that. But you know how he is, when he has something in mind it’s hard to make him change it. And then, I saw how happy he was in a kart and how good he was becoming training after training and I decided that I could help him go further. Just like my dad had done with me.”

“Ethan, how did it make you feel when your dad started to get more involved in your career?”

“At first I liked it. I was a kid and I was finally sharing something with my dad. I was happy. But it started to change when I won my first big competition at seven, in his team. I saw how people's attitudes were shifting around me, how suddenly the questions were all about my dad. It was like no one cared about who I was, that I wasn’t interesting enough for them. I started to doubt everybody’s motives around me. I started to isolate myself a little more. On the tracks, people were talking about my dad, at school I was the weird kid who was barely there. The only place where I felt like I had a sense of belonging and I was in control was when I was inside my kart. The more the years went by the more I started to progress in my career, the more the comparisons were there. I just wanted to tell everyone to leave me alone. I was a young teen back then, one who was growing angry and full of resentment because I was hurting. So to protect myself, I decided to become what they all wanted me to be, my dad’s son. I took it to the extreme and not for the good reasons. Because they couldn’t attack me if I was what they wanted me to be, right? And unconsciously I was hoping that you would react. That you would tell me to stop, that I was taking it too far. But you didn’t.” Ethan added.

“Because I thought that leaving you alone was what you wanted and needed. I decided early on to take a step back, to let you manage your way across motorsport. I was seeing what people were writing about you and I was hearing what the world was saying. It was heavy enough I didn’t want to add onto the pressure by being behind you every time you would take a step forward. I helped you in the background, financed your career, helped you with the sponsoring and with finding teams when you needed it. I pulled the strings I could to help you realize your dream. Thankfully I didn’t need to do it very often, you were proving yourself enough out there to be wanted by a lot of teams. I was there for you every time you were coming to me for advice or to talk about your races, to help you improve…”

“But don’t you think that sometimes I just needed my dad? Sometimes I think you acted more like my manager than my dad. I needed you, dad.”

“Do you understand what Ethan is saying Max?”

“I do… I never thought that I had failed you. I always thought that I was doing a good job. You were coming to me to talk about racing and you were going to your mom for more mundane things. I thought that was what you wanted.”

“The more the years went by, the bigger the anger and frustration were growing. I bottled everything up to focus on racing, that was where I was letting it out. I started to go out more, partying, girls, alcohol… I did everything. I think the first time I hit the gossip pages and the tabloids, it somehow felt liberating because they were talking about me. Not about you. It quickly became addicting. I felt like I was existing on my own. It didn’t matter the way, I didn’t care about that. I kept going until the pregnancy scandal.”

Sofia saw Max fidgeting at the mention of the scandal.

“How did you feel when the scandal happened, Max?”

“I was scared that Ethan could lose everything he had worked so hard to get.” he replied a bit harshly.

“Why are you so defensive all of the sudden?”

“Because, I think, for a moment he thought his little boy was going to screw up his reputation really badly. That’s not right, dad?”

“Because I got scared for you! Because I knew that if the kid was really yours, you would have dropped your career straight away to do the right thing. And you were not ready to be a dad! I didn’t want you to make that mistake. I couldn’t let you fall for what I feared was a trap and I was right because when I saw the shithole she was living in…” Max brutally stopped mid sentence as Ethan opened his mouth, a shocked expression on his face.

“How did you know where Carla lived?”

“Ethan…”

“How?” Ethan stood up, as Sofia was raising a hand, in a silent invitation for him to sit down.

“Let your dad talk, Ethan.”

“When I learned what had happened, I hired a private detective to find her trace. I went to confront her, forced her to tell me the truth. That’s all. But I want you to understand one thing, I love you, despite what you might think. I love you more than any championship I won. I wouldn’t have let her or anyone destroy your life. I didn’t have any intention to tell you all of that… It’s the past anyway.”

“What would you have done if the kid had been mine?”

“I was ready to pay her to abort or to give up on the child. She had nothing Ethan, nothing and no one to help her. That child would have grown up in a home with no central heating, with a mom forced to have three jobs to raise them. She was incapable of taking good care of a child.”

“Let’s admit that I would have been a dad for real, without me knowing about it, you would have known. You would have kept on lying to me. Would you have ever told me?” Ethan erased a tear that was falling down his cheek.

“I don’t know.”

“Does mom know?”

“She does.”

“Great. Amazing. Does anyone else know? How many people are lying to me?”

“Julia is aware. She found out and confronted me. I asked her to not tell you anything, don’t blame her. But it’s not important, Ethan. It’s not your child.”

“I don’t care about the kid! It’s not that! It’s the fact that you preferred to lie to me, to hide the truth from me. It would have been my decision to make, not yours. I’m an adult but sometimes I feel like you still consider me as an immature kid when I want nothing more than for you to trust me.”

Silence fell in the room, Ethan’s jaw clenched as he was avoiding to look at his dad who was looking at him with a sad face.

“Max, is there something you would like your son to know? Something you never told him.”

“That I love him and…”

“Don’t mind me. Talk to him directly. You can take a step forward if you want.”

Max nodded, standing up to go kneel next to his son, a hand on his back. He could feel him slightly shaking, indicating to him that his son was silently crying.

“I love you Ethan. And I know I’m not saying it enough but I’m proud of you. Not because you won and I know how important that race was for you. I’m proud of you because you stay true to who you are, no matter what. Because you’re loyal, you’re dedicated to your job, you’re honest, you’re not scared to admit when you’re wrong and you stick to your guns when you know you’re right. I’m proud of your achievements but even prouder of the way you handle your failures. I’m sorry I’ve not been the dad you wanted and you deserved but I hope it’s not too late to try to make amends.”

Ethan finally looked at him, eyes glossy.

“I love you too. You were my hero once, I want to find that again.”

“You’re your own hero, son. I wish you could see it.”

They came out of the office in heavy silence. A lot had been said and unpacked and they were both tired. As they were heading for their respective car, Max stopped to ask Ethan if he wanted to come to the penthouse to dinner later on.

“I don’t know… I think I need to be alone. To think and digest the day. It has been a lot.”

In the peace of his car, he finally let out all the emotions he had experienced today. He couldn’t believe it. How could his dad hide all of this from him? Taking away from him a decision that it was his to make. Absent-mindedly he drove to Julia’s house, he didn’t even notice until he saw Louis playing outside with Bailey. The teen almost screamed when he recognised the black maserati and ran to him, barely letting Ethan the time to get out of the car.

“Ethan! I’m so happy to see you! I’ve wanted to see you since you won! I knew you would. Are you here to play with me? I have a new game that we can try…”

“Well, not really… I mean, I’m happy to see you too, buddy. I missed you but is your sister here?”

“Why do you want to talk to her?”

“Grown up stuff.”

Louis’ face dropped and Ethan immediately felt bad.

“I promise I’ll find a moment to spend my day with you.”

He shrugged and left Ethan as he went back to play with Bailey. Ethan played with his rings not knowing what to do. Finally he noticed Lyanna, coming out of the house to check on Louis and waved at her. The woman smiled, inviting him to follow her inside.

“I didn’t have the occasion to congratulate you about your win.”

“Yeah, thanks…” he smiled a little shyly.

“It was only a matter of time before you finally won your first race and you certainly didn’t hear it from me but I know for a fact that some big Team Principals are talking about you in very flattering terms.” she winked.

“I’m loyal to Lamborghini and Maserati. I grew up there, in the junior academy and I don’t see myself going anywhere else. Is Julia around?”

“In her room. You know the way.”

The allusion made Ethan blush and he almost ran away. Her bedroom door was slightly ajar. She was there, lying on her bed, her eyes glued to the ceiling, seemingly deep in her thoughts. He knocked, making her head turn in his direction and she arched an eyebrow, recognizing him. She straightened up, inviting him to enter.

“What a surprise. You’re clearly the last person I expected.”

“Yeah… It was not planned. How are you doing?” he asked, sitting on her bed.

“Good. I started therapy. I had my first session this morning, actually.”

“How was it?”

“Tough. The therapist said that he was probably going to see me more than his own wife so… I don’t know how to interpret it.”

“That means you’re a lot of work.”

She rolled her eyes, throwing a pillow at him.

“He also thought it’s probably best for me to stay away from the tracks and this world. At least for a little while so… you won’t see me for the next few weeks. I’ll be there for Vegas, though. And Melbourne. I don’t want to miss them for the world and I want to see Kyle getting his third title. I want to be there for him and for Romy. And for Ludwig. And Chloe as well. And you.”

“Not for Martin?” He teased her.

“Shut up. We barely talk, you know. Just a text from here and there to ask if I’m okay.”

“You do what you want, Julia.”

“No. I mean, yes but… I want you to know that it’s over for good between him and I. Nothing will ever happen. It was doomed from the start anyway and it was a really stupid idea to jump into a relationship so soon after we ended ours. And I did it for all the wrong reasons. I know I hurt you but most of all, I hurt myself. If I had taken the time to acknowledge my feelings and try to make peace with them we wouldn’t have been in this mess. Mess that I created I know. It’s just easier to ignore things and thinking that by doing so they will just go away than actually confronting them. I was a coward. But I'm working on that now. But you’re not here to listen to my rambles. How are you holding up? Now that you’re a Grand Prix winner, many things must have changed for you.”

“Not really. I’m still the same old Ethan. But I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“I’m listening.”

And Ethan explained to her the revelations his dad had made at his therapist’s office. He heard her sigh, shifting her position to get closer to him before putting her hand on his knee to squeeze it lightly.

“It was not my place to tell you. And I remember telling your dad that you should know, that it was not fair to keep it from you. That being said, maybe what he did was not the right thing. I mean, definitely not but, it doesn’t come from a malicious place. It comes from love and I’m in the right position to tell you that sometimes love makes us do really stupid things. Don’t be mad at him, Eth.”

“I’m not… mad. I’m more… I don’t know. He… the fact that he felt the need to intervene because he knew that I would potentially screw things up, it’s just… he doesn’t trust me to make the right decision. It’s like he is in perpetual damage control when it comes to me and it makes me feel like I’m a loser. Even if he told me today that no matter what he was proud of me.”

“He just wants to protect you, like any parents want to do with their child. You are just not used to it, you’ve always done whatever you wanted on your own. Without someone having your back. I know that growing up without a good support system hurt you a lot. I can’t relate… I have an amazing one that I took for granted but, my point is, your dad is just clumsy in his way of showing that he cares. He needs to learn it and you need to learn to let him be there for you. You can be vulnerable around him, Ethan.”

“I don’t know how to be vulnerable around people, Julia.”

“You’re vulnerable around me.”

“It’s not the same with you. You’re grounding me, you’re my anchor. You’re the one who keeps me at bay when I want to float away.”

“You know… having multiple anchors is not a bad thing. In case one ends up breaking down, another one takes over. And it goes on and on.”

He looked at her, deep in the eyes. He didn't dare to say that he didn’t need multiple anchors as long as he had her.

“So… have you thought about what you’ll be doing next year?”

“Not really… I’m thinking but for now I’m kind of lost. I’ve always thought that my job was the only reliable thing in my life, the thing that would always be there no matter what. And now that I don’t have it anymore… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“I’m not worried for you. I’m sure that whatever you’ll come up with, it will be great.”

They chatted for a while, catching up on what they had been to, until Lyanna interrupted them.

“Are you staying for dinner, Ethan?”

“I mean, why not?”

He knew he was supposed to meet his parents but he didn’t want to face them, he didn’t want to come home with a headache which would inevitably happen if he was going. And if he was completely honest, he was considering the Leclercs more like his family than the one he was linked to by blood. Louis insisted for Ethan to sit right next to him, he was proud to tell him he was going to start guitar classes in January and he couldn’t wait to show him the guitar he had gone to buy with his dad. Ethan listened to him religiously under the happy gaze of Julia.

“He’ll be a great dad, one day.” whispered Lyanna in her daughter’s ear.

“Mom…” Julia rolled her eyes, in annoyance.

“I’m kidding. I’m just happy to see you, guys, have made up.”

“I’m happy too.”

It was late at night when Ethan finally left. Julia was in her room, getting ready for the night when she saw Louis passing by and stopping in front of her door.

“You want to tell me something?” she smiled.

“Don’t break Ethan’s heart again. I don’t want to feel like I have to choose between you two. It’s not nice.”

“I don’t intend on breaking his heart, Louis. Believe me.”

He shrugged, not really convinced but left his sister alone. The next day was weird for her. Seeing her dad leaving for the factory without her was like a dagger in her heart. It hurt and she was still feeling a bit miserable to the point that she wanted to spend the whole day doing nothing on the couch, something her mom had no intention to let her do.

So, to spend time Julia decided to clean her room and to clear out her wardrobe, it had been so long since she had last done so. She had even started a book she had long wanted to read. But when it became evident she was running out of ideas to spend her day, she sat at her computer and started to look at activities she could do. Ethan was right, maybe she should find an activity that would make her feel good about herself, something she would be proud of. She could ask her mom if she could help her with her charity but she also wanted to find something by herself, without having to rely on her parents. She wanted to prove to herself that she was capable of doing it. She just didn’t know where to start. She scribbled it down in her notebook. Her therapist had advised her to note somewhere all her questions and doubts so they could work on it. And the list started to get long. She wanted to talk about her past and the depression it had resulted in, her family and how hard it had been to grow up with a world champion dad and an Oscar winner mom. About her brother and how protective she felt with him. How tough it was for her to form friendships and even tougher romantic relationships. She wanted to understand why feelings were scaring her, why she was sometimes acting like a coward. She wanted to know what was wrong with her. She was ready for it.

She unlocked her phone and searched for Romy’s contact. On her long list of things she wanted to work on, redeeming herself to her friends was at the top. She had not been the greatest lately and it was time to change it. She called her, checking the time. It was early morning in the US where her and Kyle were. She knew they had decided to fly there so she could finally meet her in-laws. Romy almost immediately picked up the call.

“Please, get me out of here.” were her first words.

“It’s not what I expected to hear at first when I called you.”

“Kyle’s mom hates me. I’m sure she does, she has this look on her face when she looks at me, like she is judging me and I hate it!”

“Be yourself, Romy. Don’t stress out. Kyle loves you, it’s what matters the most and his mom must see it. It will be fine.”

She heard a door creaking and locking before Romy started to talk again.

“Kyle told her, you know… for the baby.”

“I’m sorry…”

“I heard them and I wasn’t supposed to, I think. He blames himself. I knew he was but I’ve never thought that he felt like he was responsible… And his mom told him that maybe it meant that we were not meant to be, that life was trying to send him a message and that he should listen to it.”

Romy gulped on the other end of the line and Julia regretted not being here to take her in her arms.

“What did Kyle say?”

“Nothing. Or, more like I don’t know, I left after hearing that. It hurts you know. What if she is right?”

“Romy, don’t go there…”

“I’m scared, Julia. Really scared to lose him..”

She could hear the lump in her throat and it hurt her to not be able to be there for her best friend and to help her get through it. But at the same time, she was fearing it was something she couldn’t help her to do.

“When are you coming to a race?”

“I plan to be there for Vegas and for Melbourne, the last two of the seasons. It’s not a good environment for me to be near, right now.”

“What are you going to do in the meantime?”

“I don’t know, Ethan asked me the same question and…” Julia started before being interrupted by Romy.

“Ethan, huh? Are you guys….”

“Oh, no. He made it clear that he wasn’t trusting me anymore and I can’t blame him. And right now, my priority is therapy. Therapy first, boys second. Well no, therapy first, family second, friends fourth and boys eventually.” Julia corrected herself.

“You go, girl.”

“I don’t want to jump into a new relationship, anyway. I made the mistake with Martin once, I won’t do it twice.”

“I’m glad you decided to really work on yourself, you know. I’m proud of you.” Romy said.

Julia smiled before telling Romy to hold on tight and that everything would be okay, before finally hanging up. Talking to her best friend felt nice and she felt sad thinking that it had to come to that extreme for her to finally notice it. But it was never too late to make things right.

Author's note: The last secret remaining between them is out of the bag... nothing stands between them anymore... it means fluff incoming in the next chapters!!!

What do you think will happen next? Let me know your theories, I love to read them.

Don't hesitate to leave a comment or an ask, as well as reblogging and leaving a like. Besides the fact that I absolutely love to read you, it helps a lot for the story to find its audience. I also have a taglist for this story, so if you want to be added so you never miss a chapter, let me know.

Taglist:

@herondalism @aundercover @musingsbyshreya @karmabyfernando @reengard @mycenterfold @smoooothoperator

[petra-creat0r]

Annual Update 2024

Alright everyone! New year, new updates for all my stuff!

Starting with ...

AtDFF and AYC

(The new signatures for my main art, AtDFF, and AYC)

As some, and by that I mean most of you have probably noticed, I rebooted AtDFF... again. I technically started a revamp all the way back in 2020 where I was redrawing the older updates to better match the current style and reformat the asks and text for better readability, but that didn't impede on the main updates (well, besides putting more onto mine and the rest of the team's work load.)

The Reboot

This past year though, I made the decision to completely reboot the comic for a few reasons. One was an attempt to renew my motivation, another was wanting to rework some of the lore, yet another was being inspired by @askfallenroyalty to remake the comic and post to ComicFury, but I think the main factor was... I wasn't all that happy with it. I think I kept comparing it to other comics, especially Fallen Royalty, which is my own issue, please don't go blaming anyone else. I knew I could do better, especially after over 5 years working on this, but now looking back, part of me feels that, rebooting it again is, in a way, diminishing those years. Even with the 2020 revamp, prior to it you could go through the updates and really look at how my art has progressed, and though true you can still scroll and find the old updates, it's just... not quite the same. Same can be said for the 2023 reboot.

Does that mean I'm going back on the reboot? No. I already have the next updates planned (I just haven't had a chance to work on them that often) and I really like the new lore of the world that I've come up with. I just think this will be the last time I ever reboot the comic. Whatever happens, happens, and I need to just roll with it. Even if what happens is our little roadtrip getting derailed into a corn field again, lol.

Comic Fury and New Comic?

With that said, what do I have in store for the new reboots of AtDFF and AYC? (yes AYC got rebooted too, I just haven't posted the first update like I did with AtDFF) Well, I mentioned a Comic Fury, which surprise. Both AtDFF and AYC have their own Comic Fury pages now! Don't worry, I still plan on posting to Tumblr as well, but now you can also find them on Comic Fury. Along with another comic I'm planning to do (eventually), Undertale-ish: The Comic. Ever wonder what Ish Frisk's journey through the Underground was like? Want to see what happened in most (not all) of their 800 runs? Want to see this child grapple with their self insecurities, perfectionism, and the responsibility of having full control over time and an entire civilization's lives in the palm of their hand? Want to see Chara as a ghost? Well that's what you'll get with Undertale-ish: The Comic! Coming I don't know since I such at scheduling and time management for these things!

Schedule

Speaking of scheduling! When are any of these comics coming out? Well... I just said I suck with schedules, and I can't promise really... anything when it comes to release but like... I know I for sure would like to release things... regularly? Even with the start of the reboot, I started it in April, and that stuff extended until at least August. Every summer I naively think "Oh! I'm gonna have so much time to work on the comic!" and then I get a summer job. Because I'm nearly 20 and going to college and even if I'm still living under my parent's roof, I can't entirely rely on my dad to pay my tuition. Only for half the year. Then during the school year, I have classes, and I feel burned out by the time I get home, and- It's a whole thing I need to find someway to work around or else nothing gets done and my brain just screams at itself. So, I think scheduling is something I'm gonna figure out throughout January, and try and get a backlog of updates ready throughout February to April or May so maybe we can start posting again in summer. Does that feel like a long wait? Even being near a year from the first update of the AtDFF reboot? Yes. But also I'm trying to over estimate and give myself the time and space I need while still attending college, and I wouldn't just be working on one comic update, but multiple. I'm trying to give myself space and some grace instead of making promises that feel hollow after a while of being unfufilled.

Lack of Motivation and How to Fix

Another thing to address, is my motivation when it comes to these series. I don't think it's accurate to say I've felt completely unmotivated to work on either comic, I mean, I was motivated for some of the beginning of last year to full on overhaul them, but I will say that, these comics have started to feel like a job. It's been something I've felt for a couple years now, where I've been having less fun with the comic as it's begun to feel like actual work. Believe me, I'm super excited for some of the later plot points of both AtDFF and AYC, and I love Undertale-ish and these characters but to get to those points or character moments, it feels like I'm slogging through what comes before it, which isn't good. This is something that sure, rebooting helped for a bit, before I got caught up in school and other stuff, but it's not a permanent solution and I've felt myself slipping back into the comic feeling like a job.

So how might I remedy this? Well, I think the solution might lie in another series I started this year, Drawing Junior Secret Squad until Chapter 3. Even if DJSSuC3 is more Deltarune focused, I've enjoyed drawing Chicago and my other fankids pretty much daily as, there's not that much pressure on it. Definitely not like there is with AtDFF or AYC. I don't have to line, or even color them since, they're just little doodles. I don't have to worry about missing a day since, I'll just do multiple the next day. They're quick, they're easy, I can just draw whatever idea I have with the characters I want, I'm having fun. Back when Ask the Dreemurr-Font Family was nothing but an ask chat on Amino, that's what I did it for. For fun. I wasn't worried with popularity or being like other creators, I just did silly little character driven roleplays for fun. I think that's been my issue with the comics. They aren't fun anymore. They're work because, I feel it's my job to tell this story rather than just... telling it because I want to. So, I think going forward, I'm gonna try to have more fun with the comics and Ish in general. For you all, that's probably gonna look like more sketches and doodles getting posted and maybe even just sharing small comics based off ideas that pop into my brain or from roleplays that happened in my server. Little things to help me regain the enjoyment I had with these comics and world.

Deltarune: Fool's Fate

I think that's all I've got to say on the Undertale based comics, so how about now we move onto something Deltarune related? As I was doing DJSSuC3, I introduced an idea called Deltarune: Fool's Fate. Aka, Chicago and Co's adventures through the Dark Worlds after Kris denied their destiny. So far, this has just been little doodles, character designs, and a roleplay I've been doing in my discord server. I've been having quite a bit of fun with that RP, we're nearly to the end of what would be the first "chapter" and have been fighting Dorothy, the secret boss of the Attic Dark World and who some of y'all might recall I made a real life doll of when my old computer finally kicked the bucket earlier this month. (I've still yet to make her dress or crown) I think roleplays have always been the thing I find the most enjoyable when it comes to character exploration as, I don't have to spend forever drawing comics and I get to sorta live through the characters. It's something I've been doing for characters from even before I was in this fandom. With the Fool's Fate roleplay too, I've also got to come up with elements that could feasibly be in an actual video game without, you know, actually coding a video game.

I don't know where Fool's Fate will go from here, while it'd be cool to have it be an actual fangame, I don't have that sort of skill. Nor the budget to pay a team. (My team for the comics is really just a bunch of friends I convinced to help me out for free.) Even with a sprite comic, it'd be too much. So, for now, it'll likely just remain a concept and roleplay. But, who knows. Maybe someday I could make it into something. I mean, after watching this year's Underevent I wanted to.

Other stuff

With all the UTDR stuff out of the way, what about some of my other stuff? (Because, surprise, Undertale and Deltarune aren't the ONLY things I do. Just the things I hyperfixate on the most.) Well, I've got my Fakemon region, Azmayca, POW-R, Dragon Riders, and Kinder Eyes which I started last summer. I don't really have any plans for them, asides from bugging people for ideas and doodling whenever I'm in the mood. However I think starting this year, I'm gonna try to post more of the doodles I make. Either ones in my sketchbook since DJSS gave me the confidence to post sketchy silly little doodles like that, or sketch doodles I draw digitally as warm ups. Though who knows. Maybe a hyperfixation swing some time during the summer will cause me to actually try to do something crazy like outline the whole Azmayca region and hypothetical game. Hopefully not something like that though. Making the evolutions of my redesigns of the starters might be nice.

Commissions

Another thing I'd like to finally do next year is update my commissions sheet. It's something I've had in the work for a while now, and was working on along side launching the comic updates. But, like the comics, school and work got in the way so... I sorta forgot about it. Regardless! I'm gonna try to post my updated sheet some time within the next few months, it's mostly just been havin to draw or find recent examples of my work. Hopefully then I'll actually get some more commissions because, um *looks at the whooping $3.94 in my checking account* I could really use the extra money. I might work during the summers and get grade payments from my dad but, that stuff is to pay my tuition and some of my lunches during the semester, and even with lunches, 500 dollars is spread thin through 17, 16 ish weeks. That's like, only $30 a week, which is maybe enough to cover buying lunch at the campus food court like, once or twice from the food court. Maybe three times if I'm lucky and conservative with my spending. Not to mention that $300 of that went to my new laptop, and even if I should be getting $300 from a paycheck I was never paid back when I worked at Arby's 3 summers ago, I still haven't gotten that gift card in the mail so... Yeah. If I was living on my own, I'd be screwed. Which is why commissions and Patreon are like, my only source of income during the school year. (I still need to look into getting an on campus job for this upcoming semester but that's its own whole big can of worms.)

Patreon

Speaking of Patreon, that's another goal I want to set. Actually posting to it again. I had a burst early last year were I was regularly posting to Patreon with early access chapters of The Puppet and the Real Boy (before I retconned that with Fool's Fate) and thanks to my only Patreon ever @kierangecko, I managed to make around $50 bucks which ended up being used to help get blanks for some of my Christmas gifts for people (thank you Gecko. I know I did stop posting after like, May, but that money really came in handy.) So for this next year, I'm gonna try to post to that again. Be it WIPs of the comic, scripts, little doodles I don't post on Tumblr or whatever, I want to make Patreon another source of income. Which involves posting to it at least monthly. And even if I don't, then you guys won't have to worry about anything since I've got it set to not charge for months I don't post anything.

Resolution Review

So, to review some of my... I guess you could call them resolutions, though I'd rather think of them as goals I don't absolutely have to hold myself too but would just like to accomplish, I'd like to...

Have more fun when with AtDFF and AYC through drawing and posting more loose, silly comics and doodles

Try figuring out a posting and work schedule for AtDFF and AYC by then end of January

Hopefully get a back log of updates for both comics ready to release by summer

Start on and release Undertale-ish: The Comic sometime this year

Keep doing Drawing Junior Secret Squad until Chapter 3 until Chapters 3 and 4 of Deltarune hopefully come out sometime this year.

Possibly design hypothetical secret boss predictions for Chapters 4 and 5 of Deltarune before the next chapters come out.

Keep working on, designing characters for, and coming up with Dark Worlds for Deltarune: Fool's Fate. Perhaps even drawing some tarot cards with the chapter bosses.

Post more about my other projects, even if they're only sketchbook drawings or warm up doodles.

Update my commissions page and hopefully take more commissions to earn some extra money/save up for college or to move out.

Post regularly to my Patreon, also to earn some extra money.

Generally have a better year than 2023 and to find more enjoyment in my art and projects.

Closing

Ho boy! That was... A lot! This has turned out to be one very long post. Hehe. Well, should be over now that I've said all I need too. Also, if I haven't said it already, I'd like to thank all of you for supporting me and my art. Be it my comics, DJSSuC3, my other projects, or anything I've posted this year. It means a lot to me that people even like what I draw and you all mean the world to me. With all of that out of the way, thank you Creative Creators and I hope you have a Happy New Year.

[hychlorions]

I for one would like to hear your telltale thoughts 👀👀

ok!!! i am going to try my hardest to explain what i think. but be warned that a lot of this is going to be speculative. but then again. it's aa4 🥴

putting this under the cut bc it's long. i think. idk i'm typing this on mobile

so! to start us off, aside from the obvious (murder lol /j), there's one really big thing the protagonist and kristoph have in common, which is that no one really knows what their motives are. The story’s protagonist says they loved the old man. The line “I think it was his eye! Yes, it was this!” (lol) uses hedging as well, so they’re not even sure of it themselves. Kristoph’s black psychelocks appear when you ask him why he killed zak gramarye, implying he’s buried the reason so deep in his subconscious he doesn’t even know it’s there in the first place. So that’s another thing they have in common: they’re not sure what their motives are for murder.

They do have something more (and this is where we get into speculative territory). There’s this underlying paranoia in both of the characters, that I like to think is part of their ~mysterious~ motive. More specifically, it’s a fear of being watched. Again, tell-tale’s protagonist with the eye, referenced after the line where they'd speculated it might had been the eye: "One of his eyes resembled that of a vulture — a pale blue eye, with a film over it. Whenever it fell upon me, my blood ran cold; and so by degrees — very gradually — I made up my mind to take the life of the old man, and thus rid myself of the eye forever." Then Kristoph’s suspicions that someone had watched him right back all those years after the Gramarye trial. Maybe kristoph killed zak gramarye because he was the most obvious connection to the case that would drag kristoph’s name through the mud. I mean, who knows what trucy’s told zak. She could easily connect kristoph and the diary page she’d given to her dad’s lawyer.

(unrelated but I also think phoenix’s trial could possibly be a step into getting rid of trucy as well. befriend her dad who is conveniently the lawyer you’d gotten disbarred via fake evidence, kill a man (most likely unplanned), pin it on him (most likely planned right after the unplanned thing), get a greenhorn attorney to do the dirty work for you and blame the guilty verdict on incompetence (happened by convenience), then you know. a girl is left vulnerable without a guardian. there’s some mvk-edgeworth shit that could go on here if this worked out. probably)

if we were to assume that it really was the eye that had caused the protagonist to kill the old man in the first place, then another key similarity about them and kristoph is that eyes were their undoing, what caused them to take a life, or in poe's words: rid themselves of the eye forever. In Kristoph's case, this 'eye' was two things. The first is phoenix keeping him close all these years, watching him, knowing all along that kristoph had been behind his disbarment all those years ago (in the drawing, this is represented by the camera, aka the pin on phoenix's beanie, which is why it's pulled over his eye, just to make it more like the old man, with his one big, creepy eye). The second is apollo, his powers that he'd discovered at the advent of kristoph's drawn-out fall, because his bracelet is primarily tied to SEEING those lies (seeing the tension, if we want to be fussy about it. and i will be. because we all know how i am about the bracelet)

sort of unrelated tangent, but my school had this "living museum" held by the theater club every year and let me tell you it was a Hit 😎 (our theater club was popular yeah) anyway. they had a different author every year, and the year they did poe they chose to show telltale heart through the pov of the eye and the heart. and idk. the heart just stuck with me. i'm p sure that the beating heart in the story was the protag's own anxious beating heart that they imagine to be the old man's instead. it's not an exact parallel, but the magatama was used in the investigation into phoenix's disbarment, and the magatama is connected to the heart, blah blah blah, so i used it in the drawing because the heart. because it looked cool B) now that i think about it, it's kind of ironic—it's a tell-tale heart, revealing information, betraying the protagonist's guilt, and ultimately the beating of it caused them to reveal their crimes in the finale. Kristoph's heart held secrets so close he'd buried it even from himself. that's saurrrrr funnay 🥴

the last thing i'd like to point out was that the reveal was done to three officers. and i just thought it was so fitting kristoph was before three people as well when his crimes were implicated. which is why trucy, apollo, and klavier were there in the background. originally, there was a second piece with their reactions to phoenix's dead body but i chose to scrap it because of kristoph's unfortunate angle. i still have the thumbnail, though! you can see it here!

anyway. look at this venn diagram feat the spongebob ep mermaidman and barnacleboy iv. you get it. probably

[hughungrybear]

Me while watching Dangerous Romance Ep 11

1. Before we start, if Name did sacrifice Saifah and set him up to the police, I would advocate skinning Name alive - not only for Saifah but also for the effect of what he did to Sailom 🤬

2. When I grow up, I want to have a bff like Guy (and Auto, as a bonus 😅😅).

3. Again, Kang why were you in that hotel room in the first place? Why were you calling Sailom's phone before the attempted r*pe happened? Why the fvck do you say "it's none of your concern" but still show some care????

4. Oh, no. Looks like Sailom will be forced to withdraw from school 😭😭😭😭 Who can blame him? Poor baby can't catch a break.

5. Sailom!!!! C'mon, forget your pride and use your rich friends (specifically Pimfah) for their money. They are willing to help anyway. You need to graduate to get out of poverty 😭😭😭😭

(Side note: Yes, Asians do value education a lot because it opens doors to opportunities that are firmly shut to those who did not go to uni. It's one of the many reasons why "poor" remains poor, because nobody would give anybody without a diploma a chance to prove and improve themselves.)

Okay, now I'm crying for all the opportunities Sailom will lose as he officially resigns from school.

6. Oooh, Nava is still visiting Guy in the hospital? C'mon, sail already 😭😭😭

7. Saifah!!!! Just tell the truth. Look what your actions have done to your poor brother 😭😭😭 <After 5 seconds> The fvck you doing Name??? Oh my gods, the boss is following Sailom. What more does he want? Saifah is already in jail. Name is not talking. Why do you want to kill Sailom???

8. Oh, look. Kang-"doesn't give a damn about Sailom anymore"-han to the rescue at the exact moment that Sailom needs him 😅. What's your excuse this time? Also, apologies to those who are related to (or are) real ones, but police in drama are rarely useful. Unless they are the effing main character. The universal portrayal of the useleness of police officers in drama and in literature is quite disheartening. Especially when you are reminded that there are police officers who act like this in real life.

9. So, where is Name in all this mess??? Just when he promised to Saifah that he'll take care of Sailom, Sailom gets shot.

10. Sailom asking the right questions 😂😂😂 Also, what's up with that motel room having a huge picture of boobies at the bedside table???? Not to be that person, but shouldn't it be strategically located like at the opposite side of bed? Or the ceiling? You know, for it to properly do its job? 🤔🤔🤔🤔

11. Looks like half of the episode is just flashbacks. <after 5 seconds> Oh, but Kang, you clearly said you are abandoning him. You should have made things clearer much earlier. Sailom, my poor baby 😭😭😭😭 Now I'm crying again. The fvck.

12. Name, use your effing brain. That dude is bound to double cross you and Saifah. You need to plan ahead and get them out of the trouble you put them in 🤬🤬🤬🤬

13. Again, not to be that person but I doubt having Kang by Sailom's side would intimidate the bad guys 😅

14. My GuyNava ship 😭😭😭 Also, it wouldn't hurt for Guy to have a backup plan. Just in case.

15. Shut up with these utterly sweet lines already 😭😭😭

16. Okay, looks like robbery is not the reason why Kang's dad was shot. Seems the motive is political. Also, Name's conscience should be bothering the heck out of him if he is even a halfway decent person. 🤬🤬🤬

17. Ah, Name. That's just stupid. You didn't even have a plan??? The fvck. Also, did Name call Sailom before Big Boss bashed his head in or after (which means, he is still alive)?

18. Ah yes, Name is still alive. Still don't get Big Boss's motivation for wanting to kill Kang's dad.

AAAAAARGH. THE PREVIEW!!!! WHY DID THEY WAIT UNTIL THE LAST EPISODE FOR GUY AND NAVA TO FINALLY KISS???? WHYYYY????

[nagito-kissmaeda]

Curious: what are your general thoughts on the mainline Danganronpa games (Trigger Happy Havoc, Goodbye Despair, Ultra Despair Girls, Killing Harmony)? Like which one’s your favorite/least favorite, etc?

Ooh fun!! I do have lots of thoughts. I guess I’ll do them in order of fave to least fave. Under a readmore because I had too much to say

SDR2 - BRILLIANT, absolute pinnacle. I think the main reason sdr2 works so well is that it understands most players will be returning from THH so it ramps the tension up to 11 right from the get go by revealing that everyone has lost memories straight away. Most of the murders are really cool, trial 5 is the best one in the series, obvz. The island setting is nice too, it’s very different from the first game but not in a way that is too jarring. Oh and the cast is the best I think. Obviously I have issues with Hanamura but they have the sense to kill him straight away so no biggie. My only other character issue is that I really wish they did more with Owari, she’s kind of nothing and that’s sad. Also tragic that Saionji didn’t get her character arc :(( OH AN TSUMIKI NEEDS TO NOT FALL OVER SO MUCH THATS STUPID

Komaeda is there and he is the most interesting and coolest character ever. +100000000 points

UDG: okay okay, controversial for me to put it so high I KNOW. It’s got so so so many problems and yet….it compels me. I love Komaru, she is my favourite protag and I always liked Fukawa, so it’s nice to see her sort of come into her own and get to be a bit of a hero. UM THE MUSIC IS THE BEST. I like when it goes YEAH YEAH YEAH. I also actually really like the setting of Towa city? It’s cool to see the effects the tragedy had on the world as a whole, and it’s fun to explore. Gameplay is messy, but I don’t hate it, I have played much worse.

I had a lot of issues with the warriors of Hope in general and do wish they stuck with the initial plan of having the remnants of despair be the boss fights. Sigggghhhhhh, so upset that it was taken from us. That would have been the COOLEST.

Wish the tickle machine wasn’t in it. Wish the pedophile was dead. Wish Kotoko didn’t fall down so much. Wish Fukawa toned it down with the incest jokes.

I need servant carnally.

THH: THE OG MY BELOVED. I have a lot lot lot of nostalgia for this one, it’s very soft to me, I feel like I grew up in hopes peak lol. For serious though, Hopes peak is a cool af setting, it’s such a weird school and the art direction is absolutely stunning. I mentioned in a previous ask that it’s probably a bit too slow going, but it’s fair because this really was the first game of its kind and they have to tell you how to play it.

The reACT mechanic is funny and useless. I am glad they got rid of it, but it makes me laugh when I see it.

I love all the characters, they are like children to me. I even like Yamada, it’s the truth. I think they majority of characters are more toned down in this game, which is to its benefit I would say. Some characters in later games are a Bit Much.

I also like all the motives! They actually make sense??? And it’s the only game where Monokuma doesn’t cheat with a, “kill before arbitrary time limit or everyone dies” which is the worst motive and I hate it.

The Fujisaki problem is very present, unfortunately. I still don’t think they were meaning to be offensive anyway, but ya know. I’m pretty chill with any interpretation, but I usually consider them a transwoman

V3 : Hm. I do not like. The school is very very big and so easy to get lost in, where the first two games feel very distinct and easily navigable. It’s also not much different than Hope’s Peak, which is a little boring.

I want to punt the Monokubs into a volcano. V3 feels even slower and longer than THH and I blame them. They talk so much and so often and it never progresses anything and UGH.

I’m iffy on way more characters. Like I mentioned before they can be a Bit Much. I’m meaning your Tenkos and Mius. They have One thing, and that’s all they do and are, which is uninteresting and ANNOYING. It feels like so many of them have been boiled down to one trait, even characters I like such as Tsumugi and Himiko are like that, but their trait is less loud so it doesn’t annoy me so much.

Motives are stupid and dumb almost always. Hate them. Fucking necronomicon makes me want to chew glass.

The protag switch is cool. I like it, but I miss Kaede every single day.

The ending I do not like. It would be a whole five more paragraphs for me to explain my issues in full, but it sort of betrays it’s own messaging and renders the rest of the game meaningless (at least in my opinion)

Cospox makes me want to die

The music and UI are very good though!!

This was so so so long. I have more Thoughts, but I will save you from them for Now