#if you can't even give a great hug and an emotional acting for a character that had dean's back again and again

[hazelnut-u-out]

episode review time....

(contains spoilers for "ricktional mortpoon's rickmas mortcation")

let me preface this by saying i love rick and i do not want to sound like a hater lol.

i'm not even gonna pretend to be enthralled by the prospect of breaking this episode down. it was good, even great in a lot of ways, but... it broke a part of me, i think.

i feel betrayed. i feel morty's heartbreak. i really do.

it was a decent exploration of rick attempting to heal while he's not ready yet. he's not ready to move on and get better if it's going to be hard work.

...and honestly? i'm angry with him for that.

i'm angry with rick for victim blaming morty, yet AGAIN. for acting entitled to morty's forgiveness. for lying and tricking that little boy into thinking someone real cared about him.

for dragging a 14yo into something this heavy. this destructive. this reckless. this unforgiving and all-consuming.

GOD i am so sick of this. i'm all for rick's healing, but why is it being put before morty's every time? i mean... i get that there's four more seasons to go. morty has plenty of time to be given justice, but... i feel so bad for him.

i think i'm giving it a 7.5/10 after a rewatch because it really was wonderfully and realistically written.

i don't want to come across as too harsh, because i definitely do sympathize with rick. i don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to break the audience. i think that's a wonderful tool of art. nor do i think protagonists have to be good. it's just a harsh reality that your beloved protagonist is destined to be the villain in the story, though, and i feel like that's what rick is fated to be for morty.

i attribute most of my negative feelings towards my morty bias and my emotional attachment to the last episode.

okay... general thoughts, as always:

-is it bad to say i prefer rick bot over real rick? because, uhhh... i do. he wove his way into my heart by the end of all of this. poor dude. he really loved his family. i kinda wished we could've kept him around.

why couldn't we?

give morty a decent grandpa challenge: go!

i think he's my new favorite rick aside from c-137. what a badass wholesome peepaw of a dude!!!

-morty loves his family so damn much, and it feels like none of them have really earned that from him. he wants his family to have a nice christmas, even if his is going to shit.

-morty crying when curtis yelled at him made me tear up.

"he's busy and i hate him!"

it's just the last little thing he needed to break down. he's a little kid who's having the worst christmas imaginable, and... no one cares about fixing that for him.

other than rick bot.

-i actually loved the moment where rick says he'll get "neurotypical cooties," and implies that neurotypicals aren't creative. casual autism rep lol.

-rick victim blaming morty once again... ugh... bro just immediately regressed.

all morty had to do was say he was "boring." rick just proved that he'd have pulled another "the vat of acid episode" if he hadn't made rick bot.

how many hurtful things do you think you've said to morty, rick? bc i can guarantee it's a million times more hurtful than anything you've ever heard come from morty's mouth. especially "boring."

tbh... i think that it might say something about his character that he didn't do that, and he chose to give morty a better grandpa instead, but also...

ouch.

i know it's a statement about how he needs to tie up his unfinished business before he can move on and really put in the work, but... morty must just feel like he's not worth the effort of apologizing.

the man that morty follwed down into that lab isn't the one who said "i'm sorry." he's not the one that said "i love you too." he's not the one who hugged morty.

the man who said those things is not the grandpa that morty chose all the way back in "solaricks."

morty is consistently willing to put the work into helping rick, but he's constantly shown that rick can't be bothered to put the effort into helping him.

-the fact that morty felt bad for yelling at rick? i just wanted to tell him that he has a right to be upset...

-notice how not one member of the family mentions morty's absence from the holiday family time? yikes...

poor little guy.

i think this is why that reveal bothered me so much... he thought someone real cared about him. he thought a real person cared about saying "i'm sorry. i love you too." to him.

but no.

-what's even more heartbreaking? he learned to care about rick bot. that was the grandpa he wanted, but he doesn't even get to choose that, anymore.

"i don't want another you!"

-bro rick just won't let up. the lightsaber bit? GOD, man. just let the kid have a moment.

-something is so comically wrong with rick's ability to create AI systems lmao. they're always so sassy and go against his orders. the garage? the car? dude... maybe rethink your stance on AI autonomy. you're giving it more freewill than you allow your grandson.

-i literally can't even be upset with morty for being angry with rick. i'm here for it. smoke his ass, lil junebug!

-poor rick bot trying to come clean to his family. that guilt sure did eat him alive :((

look at him with his girls... :(

i guess that explains his softer voice acting for last ep and this ep. he's just a completely different rick.

-it kept making me upset that rick demonized morty over and over again for trying to stick up for himself. it was really hard to watch him not even try to pretend to care about earning morty's trust, respect, and forgiveness.

he HONESTLY thinks he's entitled to it.

-MORTY!! YOU ADORABLE LITTLE BADASS!

-curtis is such an ass lmao. gay icon.

-noticed these gay lil soldiers. ship them!!

-I. LOVE. RICK. BOT.

go dude, go!! he's honestly so sweet... i'm going to genuinely, deeply mourn this character.

-haha, how cute is it that morty acts like a little adventure expert? "slowly closing door! slide!"

-poor rick bot... suicidal ass :(

-dude, morty just cannot catch a break, huh?

"i've always wanted to fight with a lightsaber, but not like this! you ruined it!"

every time i think this kid is gonna get a piece of his childhood back, it's like... nope!

-the joke about the robot with lightsabers for eyes was actually so funny.

-okay, okay... the slow motion scenes WERE hilarious. i must admit.

-it broke me when morty said he was done with forgiveness... especially to see him follow rick down to that lab just a few moments later...

will he ever stop hoping that people can be better? will he ever stop sacrificing himself to his own detriment?

one thing about morty? he's gonna try to do the right thing. the noble thing.

-ugh... poor morty... i hate the fact that this pushed him to trust rick again. i hate the fact that he had to lose rick bot.

and rick twisting the meaning of rick bot's words, too? i don't think rick bot meant for rick to offer to drag morty into this.

oh, well... i can just tell this dynamic in s7 is going to be harrowing. morty just wants to believe his grandpa can be good. i hope he can :(

-lmao why is rick essentially curtis's tech sugar daddy? slay i guess?

-this ending scene is heartbreaking. morty once again a slave to his grandpa's madness? so obviously terrified? morty's just a kid, and what an unfair choice to force him to make...

"it's going to take over your life, morty!"

"it's the most painful shit i've ever been through and i'm fucking bringing you into it, because you asked for it!"

did he ask for it...? crying and sobbing.

i am super excited for the new season, though! it seems like they're gonna be ballsy and make it hyper-serialized when in comparison to the rest of the show, which... hell yeah!!

i guess i'm both excited and anxious to see what they do to my boys, though. i really need them to heal and work together. i was really starting to hope that rick was starting to treat morty like a partner- or, at least, a kid who's feelings, wants, and needs matter just as much as his own.

just like morty to lay himself upon the altar so that rick may bathe in his blood- a fitting sacrifice. a noble end.

i'm about to custom make a tee with morty's face on it that just says: "SAVE THE BABY 2023"

[vole-mon-amour]

3x11, part 2, RJK edition.

oh my god, just make out already, you two. Jamie is so fucking sad, who fucking hurt him, I wanna hurt them back.

Jamie is on the verge of tears, can't Roy fucking see it??? LOOK INTO HIS EYES AND SEE IT.

That is probably the most mature and concerned reaction I've ever seen from Roy towards Jamie. Like when he hugged him in s2, it was great. But here he's actually trying to TALK about it. He's genuinely concerned and interested in what's going on.

EMMY WINNER PHIL DUNSTER WHEN?????? Jfc. Just hug the boy, Roy.

;_____; Sharing trauma aka I've been thrown into Sunflowers and Amsterdam again. BEST FRIENDS.

Ok. This is ok. I'm okay. There was a glimpse where the kiss could've happened and Jamie could've continued wailing and it would WORK. Roy wouldn't even say a thing bc Jamie is a mess and it might now mean anything, and if it did, they can talk about it later.

Anyway. Jamie going in for a hug FIRST bc he trust Roy and he feels safe around him and he feels okay about physical intimacy and being vulnerable with him now. I wanted my hug & I guess this is the closest I can get to that one in 2x06. And with Jamie crying again. Ohhh my god.

The poor boy needs a vacation with both Roy and Keeley (and a lot of sex and love from them). I'd say RoyJamie only, but it's more likely at this point that ot3 happens instead of otp.

Well, it's close to Will walking in on Roy and Jamie kissing. Almost.

I'm fucking staying here. I don't need anyone else. I'm staying here and going down with this ship. Jamie full on can do whatever he wants at this moment & Roy would probably allow him. The hands interlinked on Roy's back, Jamie's head going from Roy's shoulder into the crook of Roy's neck. They really are best friends. Jamie feels so comfortable and safe with him. Putty in his hands, huh?

And I can't fucking keep quiet about Phil pulling this off. Like... MY GOODNESS, GIVE HIM ALL THE FUCKING AWARDS. It makes me sad but at the same time I can't stop laughing, and I'm sure this was the intention. Bc this dramatic wailing is truly something.

At the same time, "I can't sleep, and I can't eat" is a serious sign of depression or at least a serious burnout. Get Jamie a therapist and some quality time break from all the stress.

"Jamie is a mess & I gotta help him."

Keeley is so excited she gets to help Roy with Jamie. This is very ot3 of you. I gotta say though, Roy has to learn how to talk and communicate. It's all fun and all, the idea of when there's a miscommunication or Roy unable to go to emotional depths, but it's really important. In the previous ep he watched Jamie and came up with the right words for Keeley. In here he went to Keeley so she could help him with Jamie. I see a pattern, but I'd love Roy to act on it. Saw Keeley maybe, came up with the right words, knew how to act with Jamie, went back to help.

But then I expect both of them to go back to Jamie and help, so also very ot3 of them.

Jamie and his rings. Jamie being so many fans fav player. Jesus, I love this kid so. fucking. much. Get him into therapy again, please.

"How's he doing?" "Fucking hell." "I'll talk to him."

For a show that gives so many queer references, it would be weird if they were queerbaiting us tbh. It's possible, but it's still weird, especially with so many queer characters.

For the reference.

IF NOT OT3, THEN WHY THIS. They're gonna drive me insane.

[the-night-that-feeds-if]

hello!! firstly, i'm in love with your IF and characters, can't wait for update and more content in general, but there no pressure, take your time. secondly, F and V for Maddock, TH and m!Ward please? thank you and have a good day!

Hiiiii! Thank you so much for the happy words 😊 I'm also excited for the new update, it's not very far in but I've been writing better since I took a break, I'm implementing some new ideas I had for better player RP and imsoexcitedahhhhh

F = what do they do if their s/o is afraid, how do they handle it?

Maddock: He'll very much go into protector mode, he'll stay by your side, whatever you need he'll give. Ex: deep pressure hugs, rubbing soothing circles into your back, staying on guard so you can sleep OR holding you while you sleep, muttering comforting words to you, bringing you to make tea with him.

The Hunger: It is also a protector... In a different sense. It will change into its favored shape, the hulking beast, to ward off any potential predators--whatever it is that's scaring you so. It will also curl around you, morphing its shadow to enclose you in itself. It will hold you like that while it stays vigilant through the issue / the night. (Shayde have much less need for sleep, especially ethereal shayde)

M!Ward: He will guide you away from what bothers you. Ex: if you have nightmares he'll take you from your bedroom and set you both up with blankets in his room, he'll have some snacks, and will try to distract you with stories of his adventures until you calm down and can smile again.

V= how long until they can be vulnerable around their s/o? what are they like in this state?

Maddock: He's never really had the chance to be vulnerable before, hos entire life has been tossed into one conflict or trauma, then another, time after time again. It'll take a lot for him to unbind those chains around himself.

As for how he acts while vulnerable, you'll have to wait and see 😌

The Hunger: Another character who hasn't had the chance to be vulnerable, what does that even mean for it? Sorry but you'll have to wait as well, story spoilers 💜💜💜

M!Ward: If you ask his crew, they'll attest to their Captains' more vulnerable mind, not in a bad way, it's part of what makes him a great leader for his crew, he cares... sometimes too much.

He's never been personally vulnerable in the way lovers are vulnerable, but he's very free with his emotions, he'll often be the first to tell someone that he cares for them, and he's a big fan of large gestures to show his love for his friends and crew.

[shewhopats]

Omnics and Sexuality

I've posted about omnic characters' gender identity, so now let's talk about sexuality. I know lots of fanartist and fanfiction writers will give them genitals or make it so that playing with their wires will achieve something like an orgasm. My hc is that omnics can't feel physical pain or pleasure. Some like the emotional closeness of sex acts, some have no strong feelings about it and will do it for their partners' sake, some are actively grossed out by it, and everywhere else on the sexuality spectrum.

Zenyatta: Maybe Demisexual or Asexual. If my memory of the lore is correct, him becoming a wandering guru meant that he is not officially a monk anymore? So if he wanted to, he could try intimacy. But I hc that he's never really thought about it or experienced a want for that sort of intimacy. So, at this point in his life, his sexuality is very undefined. I don't think he's even seen a human naked. His anatomy knowledge is that guys have a penis, girls have vaginas. What actually are these things? No idea!

Ramattra: would die before having a human partner. So I hc that his sexuality would just be a copy of his omnic partner's. If taking off their clothes and touching each other is what they need to feel connected, Ramattra will oblige. If physical intimacy is completely out of the question, that's great. As long as they can still cuddle, hug, and hold hands.

Bastion and Orisa: despite being war machines created for combat and bloodshed, I hc they are mentally very young and probably don't understand what sex is. Maybe in a couple years, they'll mature and do some self-discovery. But right now, they have no more sexuality then a human child does.

Lynx Seventeen: Pansexual. Attracted to confidence, reliability, generosity, and loyalty. When their partner, omnic or human, trusts them enough to be vulnerable and intimate with them, they take it VERY seriously. With an omnic partner, they will ask 20 questions about how best to satisfy and make them feel loved. With a human partner, they take it as a mission of utmost importance to figure out how to give this particular human the best orgasm of their life. Lynx will have a stopwatch in one hand and a spreadsheet on the nightstand, archiving data on what actions get the desired responses. After they shatter your world, be prepared to take a survey on how good it was for you.

Bob: idk if there's a word for it, but he is attracted to femininity, regardless of the actual gender or gender identity of the person. On omnic rocking heels and a backless dress? Yes, please. A male human with makeup on point and nails perfect for running down his body? So sexy. A tiny waist to grab onto? Long, slender legs? Soft, sweet hair? Be still, my beating heart!

Luna: bisexual. Sees beauty in masculinity and feminity. Her type is short, sweet, energetic, and friendly. LOVES a short king that isn't scared to let her take charge. Has to be good with PDA and lovey-dovey stuff.

Maximillen: Straight. Wants feminine women. Considers it an ego boost to be the one to enjoy a beautiful woman, and be chosen by her over a male human.

I think omnics would be very close to the LGBT+ community because they both experience similar hate and being told how to live or identify.

[phantom-of-the-501st]

Episode 6 Thoughts

(Spoilers for TBB Season 2)

I loved this episode!!! A nice combination of fun and action with some emotional elements as well. I had a great time with it!

So of course, here are my bullet point thoughts.

Echo being put on babysitting duty and promptly losing Omega. She wanders off so often. 🤣

Love how Tech is insulted that they don't trust his forgery skills. How dare you question his ability to do illegal activities.

When I saw those droids electrocuting Gungi I was ready to throw hands. 😤

I love Gungi's character design. He's definitely grown up a bit and I love the pauldron and the wrap as a belt.

Tech automatically assuming that the blaster fire was caused by Omega. 🤣

He wasn't wrong though!

Is this the first time we've seen both Tech and Echo piloting the Marauder this season? It feels weird that we've gone so long without seeing those two in the cockpit.

Gungi looked so sad! I can't deal with this. 😭

HUNTER CAN SPEAK WOOKIE???

I wanna give Gungi a hug so bad. 🥺

Echo actually got some dialogue this episode. Love to see it. 🥰

Kashyyyk looks awesome!

I love how they lean into the fact that Gungi was really young when he went to the Jedi temple, so he isn't familiar with his home planet. He knows that these are his people, but he's still a little unsure.

Lots of webs!

Fun fact about me, I actually hate spider webs more than I hate actual spiders, so I would not be having a fun time. 😬

Weird spider things look very similar to the ice spiders! Nice bit of convergent evolution there. 😊 (And yes, my zoologist brain thinks about these things when watching TBB apparently...)

So. Much. Gungi. Looking. Sad. 😭

OUCH 😭

When I saw the wookie pelt on that trandoshan, I got so angry. 😤

Stop burning his home, you hissy bastards!

Character designs in this episode are great! ✨️

Soundtrack is also amazing, as always.

We only see brief glimpses of them, but I love how we get an insight into the traditions and beliefs of the wookies. I love that touch.

Laser sword

Echo's face the first time he was offered the soup. 🤣

Speaking to the trees!!!

When I heard the line "we'll take all the allies we can get" in the trailer, I did not think they would be talking about trees but here we are.

Weird giant monkey things are awesome!

I don't want to think about what those spider things did to Venomor. 😖

It was probably not fun.

WRECKER SPEAKING WOOKIE

Also, Echo's little cheers with the bowl was adorable. 🥰 Character development right there! 🤣

It's interesting that they talk about the fact that neither Omega nor Gungi can ever truly be children in a world like this. Especially since last episode was a chance for Omega to actually get to act like a kid for once. Last episode was very much a look into what her life should be, while this one is more of a look into what her life really is like.

Omega joining Gungi in listening to the trees. I adore her desire to understand people and their traditions, even if it is just child-like curiosity.

And I love seeing Gungi partaking in the tribe's tradition as well. He's unsure of what he's doing but he understands that it's his culture and he wants to be a part of it. 🥺

This episode is very interesting in the fact that it shows not only the repercussions of the rise of the Empire, but also how the lives of younglings was changed when they were subscribed to the Jedi.

They never really got a chance to grow up understanding their own personal culture and heritage, and that's not necessarily something we always think about.

To summarise this slight messy bullet list, I loved this episode!

Seeing not only the effect that Order 66 had on Gungi, but also his struggle to return to a place that he doesn't truly know because all he ever really remembers is life at the Jedi Temple. Seeing him fit back into the tribe is really sweet to see.

Hunter and Echo are once again the tired parents this episode. 🤣 But it was nice to see Echo being a little more vocal again, and Hunter putting his hand on Echo's shoulder as a supportive thing was nice. They don't alway see eye to eye, but at the end of the day, they are still brothers.

Actually, everyone felt like they had a place in the episode so I'm very happy about that. It's great to have an episode that feels like it's about the Batch again.

It was a solid episode and I really enjoyed it!

Even more exciting is that we get 2 episodes next week!!! 🥳 But it also means we'll be halfway through this season already. 🥲

[rdng1230]

More Ted Lasso Musings

Before I start let me say once again that this season has contained absolutely wonderful moments and is still a wonderful bit of light in a buuuuunch of darkness. Also spoiler warning.

Cool, so I've figured out what's bothering me this season and its that they're either showing us everything and telling us nothing, or showing us nothing (of actual character significance) and telling us everything. in the showing us everything and telling us nothing category we've got my love Keeley Jones. I feel like we've spent a massive amount of time at KJPR and I still feel like I'm scratching my head as to what they were trying to tell us. They've set Keeley up to be this incredibly competent and bright person, and when they give her her shot it all goes to shit. and I get it "you can't always get what you want" so says the song for this season's trailer, but I'm struggling to understand the thing that she got that she needed that she didn't already have. She had Rebeccas love and support, I mean she has Roy back but this does not seem like the show where the moral of a long story about her starting her own business is that she has her boyfriend back. I actually would love people's take on what you think we're supposed to get out of Keeley's storyline.

Onto the telling but not showing category we got my guy Nate the Great. He has been so totally short changed this season on his redemption arc. It is HARD to become a better person. It is HARD to admit you fucked up. It is HARD to turn against your own knee jerk insecurities and reactions. It is ESPECIALLY HARD to do that in an environment that is actively incentivizing you to act on those insecurities and reactions. So even though I absolutely believe Nate deserving and capable of these huge leaps forward in overcoming his own internal crap, I think we've completely sidelined that narrative of what's pushing him to actually take those huge leaps forward. At the end of season 2, it was clear Nate was really struggling, and I'm not gonna lie I hated the way he treated those around him, like Beard said it was "personal, and weird" but I also felt a huge amount of sympathy and compassion because no one gets that way without something horrible happening to them first. So when the last scene of season 2 happened and he was teased as this big time villain, I was sad, but not surprised. I expected him to get his redemption, but I also expected that to be a really difficult journey for him where he was likely going to get worse before he got better. So now we're in season 3 and he suddenly just makes all these huge leaps forward, they feel from out of nowhere, not because I don't feel like he's capable of it, but rather that should've been more difficult to do, and also it should've been a moment of great personal triumph for Nate! The way I think of it is imagine if Rebecca had just waltzed into teds office in season 1 and confessed about the sabotage with no context. Sure we would've believed her capable of it, sure we would've believed she deserved forgiveness, but we all would've been scratching our heads as to what made her have this reckoning within herself. they would've told us Rebecca changed instead of shown why and how she changed like what they're doing with Nate.

I actually think there's so many parallels between the relationship of Nate and Jade and the relationship of Roy and Jamie. Both Nate and Roy made stupidly bad and self destructive decisions around the end of last season. Both are in a low point in their emotional journeys, almost all of Nathan's emotional scenes have been with Jade while all of Roy's emotional scenes have been with Jamie. The thing is, that's not where their respective internal work really needs to get done? Nate already took the plunge and asked out Jade last season, and Roy already showed real vulnerability when he hugged Jamie after the thing with his dad (not that I think that means everything wrapped up with a shiny bow or anything, but just that each character has much bigger fish to fry in terms of character growth) I do think Nate and Jade have become really cute just as Roy and Jamie's scenes have felt ripped straight out of a fluffy fanfic. but do these scenes actually show us that Nate/Roy are getting better? We've already seen Nate being an absolute sweetheart with the women in his life who he loves, his mother, his niece (even if we didn't actually see her till this season it was clear that they had a very warm and positive relationship) and Keeley, so him being able to be vulnerable and open up with Jade is lovely, but not really that new of a territory. If we could just see Nate having a shift maybe with his coaching staff or the West Ham players, this would feel more meaningful because we saw him struggle way more with people he perceives as part of his own hierarchy structure. Its the same with Roy. We've seen Roy open up to Jamie in the past so their relationship, while fucking adorable, is not doing anything to address the real struggle inside Roy that he's ignoring. It would be way more meaningful to see Roy have moments where he chooses to have joy instead of running away. Instead we get scenes like where the sports pundit squad just says oh by the way Nate left West Ham, in the same way that Ms. Bowen says to Roy that he seems less stuck. Umm what? Since when? what happened? All tell and no show. Or showing only the least character growth relevant scenes and then just be like oh by the way they fixed it.

reblog and comment away because I'm interested in people's take on this.

[give-soup-please]

I replayed the expo hall and...

Fell right back in love with the narrator. I can't believe it. He's just... such a character, you know? I don't even know if I can do this justice, but let me break down his actions here. Long post ahead, so i'll put it under a read more.

He's earnest. He wants so much to create a game the fans will love. He talks about this multiple times. He complains if you try and leave early without getting the first collectable and the bucket. He specifically says that he created new content for 'you'. If you fall into the infinite hole multiple times, he complains that there are so many more exhibits that he wants to show 'you'. He genuinely wants to create content that we will enjoy. And I can't get over it?? He cares so much about the audience, and interpretations will vary on why exactly this is, but no one can really deny that he wants us to like his content, and possibly by extension, him.

He's egotistical. He talks about how perfect the original game is. How nothing could ever match up to what he's already created. He believes that all of these gags can work as a sequel without any actual story behind it, claiming that game development is more fuzzy than anything scientific. He lauds his own new features, and he somehow strikes that incredible balance where I find it more charming than annoying. I have a real hatred for egotistical characters, but the narrator somehow defies this and turns it into one of his best traits. I have no idea how this balance was struck, but it's one of the most amazing things to me.

He's passionate. He talks about how much work he's put into this expo hall, and assuming you believe the interpretation that the narrator works hard on creating his stuff, you can see how much care he's put into the room. He wants so much to be a success, both in his own eyes and in the eyes of others.

And this is probably my own projection but I played the game with headphones and I swear, I swear- you can hear the smile in his voice so well. When he jeers at you over the bucket, when he talks about how he and stanley will have many more years in the hole together, in the recording it felt so clear to me exactly how he was emoting. And yeah, this means that the VA did a fantastic job, but just!!!!! I don't know the first thing about voice acting but when you can tell that the VA is acting with their face as well as their voice??? GOD! When it sounds like the words are so authentic that you can picture them emoting, it's incredible! And it can be a subtle thing too. There's a distinct difference in tone when it's a mean smile verses a nice one! I swear! How do VA's do it?

When I took that hiatus, I also vowed to not touch the game for a week, in the hopes that the dialogue would sound fresher when I returned to writing. It definitely does. And I'm losing it now and being such a fanboy over his character! He's great! He's the best boy! I want to squish him like a stressball and give him a hug. I want to give him a high five! I want to shake him by the shoulders and tell him I think he's great. I'm going wild over him again, and I have no idea why.

(gonna lose it I swear. this guy. this guy!)

[nellie-elizabeth]

Doctor Who: Space Babies (14x01)

Huh. Based on what I'm seeing online, I might be in a minority opinion on this episode, because I thought it was pretty middling at best?

Cons:

So, I'll start by saying I think a couple of my complaints are going to be "too soon to judge" sorts of things. This is only our second episode seeing Ruby and the Doctor interact, so I'm totally willing, and excited, to see how their dynamic is going to evolve as we go on. But in this episode specifically, I felt like both of them were sort of... over-acting in order to artificially charge up their chemistry on screen? There were a lot of really loud line deliveries and kind of awkward pacing within the lines, eyes getting big, just like... really oversized reactions in the midst of conversations that didn't need to be played so... theatrically, I guess? This is a little hard to explain because I'm not criticizing like, the overall direction that Ncuti Gatwa is taking the character, I think there's a lot of great stuff there, it was just... it felt like both actors were playing up this great connection and affection they had for each other in a way that felt unearned. It's strange, because I liked them together a lot in the Christmas Special, but here it felt like they were trying to speed run the degree to which they'd have such a connection.

I also think this was partially a dialogue problem, it felt like there were a lot of kind of uninspired dialogue moments written in here, which also surprised me a lot. Like, I didn't need the Doctor to say the thing out loud about pressing the buttons, that would have worked just visually. The part where he realizes that the bogeyman is made out of literal boogers dragged on way too long, the punchline was like... hanging in the air for a solid minute before we got to Ruby's reaction and it felt very clunky. The Doctor laughing when he made the space babies cry by showing them the bogeyman again? That was weird. Also, the constant "babies... space babies" thing wasn't funny the first time and it got less funny the more it got repeated. Or even the bit at the end when Ruby tells Jocelyn "that's what you do, you save all of them" and she like... repeats it and then Jocelyn cries and hugs her? It was just too much.

And my other big criticism with the structure of this episode was actually the emotionally heartfelt moment of reckoning, where the Doctor saves the bogeyman and reflects that they are both the only one of their kind. Like, here's the thing. First, the episode flashed back to the Doctor's dialogue earlier talking about how he's the last of the Time Lords and how everyone is unique and special. And it was weird, it was like... no, this is the kind of flashback you do if the Doctor said that shit three episodes ago, not like... fifteen minutes ago in the same episode. It was so unnecessary.

But more importantly, this moment where Jocelyn goes to destroy the bogeyman to save the babies, there's this moment when Ruby is like "but it's one of them, it also needs to be saved", that completely threw me off-guard and just made no practical sense to me at all. It hits right after we've just figured out that the bogeyman is a computer-generated creature specifically created out of children's boogers in order to teach them a lesson and give them a storybook monster. The fact that this thing was actually sentient and not just computer code wasn't actually made clear to me, the viewer, until we see how Ruby and the Doctor react to the idea of it dying. It felt so misplaced and strange because I literally thought the point of the computer reveal was to be like "oh, this thing isn't real, it's just a manifestation of fear, we should get rid of it by helping the babies be less afraid and learning that the monsters under their bed aren't real" but instead it was "oh no, this is a creature deserving of our compassion, we can't let it die!"

So long story short, this was the emotional revelation beat of the episode, where the Doctor reaches out for a fellow orphaned creature, and it should have been a slam dunk, but instead it just felt very... off, to me. On a practical and emotional level.

Pros:

Here's the thing: I really truly didn't hate this episode, and I still have high hopes for this season of the show. I feel like the people who didn't like it are going to complain mainly about the tonal whiplash of having poop jokes paired with political commentary paired with tragic reflections on abandonment or whatever, but... no. That's fine. That's Doctor Who, babes. I don't mind that this episode was a wacky mess, I don't mind the slightly freaky CGI baby mouths, I don't mind the strange mix of whimsy and horror shoved side by side within a single scene. That stuff is built into the fabric of this show and I am truthfully here for it. I want them to keep trying weird and crazy stuff, and I do appreciate that this episode wasn't playing it safe.

The beginning scene was clearly a "intro for new Doctor Who fans" moment, with some backstory download and then a demonstration of the TARDIS's abilities. I didn't mind this, even if it was clearly just there to onboard new viewers. Ruby is a new companion, she deserves an explanation for what's going on! And I loved the butterfly effect gag, that was so silly and charming. Plus, those were some halfway decent CGI dinos, clearly the show demonstrating its shiny new Disney money.

I thought the babies that talked like kindergartners were actually surprisingly adorable. The beat about Captain Poppy never having had a hug before broke my heart, it was so sweet to see the Doctor and Ruby both immediately wanting to help all the babies. It was so immediate, especially for Ruby: we're here now, you never should have been left to fend for yourselves, and even though I have no idea what's going on, I'm taking responsibility for this situation because I am the adult in the room. Such a great way to show off what a caring person she is, with a practiced ability to care for young children. I love that we have our somewhat typical spunky, quippy young woman coming along on TARDIS adventures, but one of the main tent-pole things we know about her personality is how much she treasures children and how much of a natural she is at caring for young ones. I feel like you don't get that a ton on TV these days.

The political stuff about abortions and immigration and refugees was all pretty well done; I feel like that's going to be another thing people complain about, but it's another part of Doctor Who's DNA as a show. It's often overtly political and doesn't bother to be subtle about it. And honestly, none it felt forced, it felt like a funny, over-the-top but still cogent metaphor for actual real life politics back in twenty-first century Earth.

While I've already said the Doctor's big moment of saving the bogeyman didn't work for me on an emotional level, there were a couple of more sincere moments in the episode that did work for me. First, Jocelyn's reveal that she's stayed hidden from the babies in order to guard herself against the grief of watching them die when the station runs out of supplies... oof. That hit hard. (Also, the Nan-E bit with the censoring of the swears was also a comedy bit that did work for me throughout.)

And the bit of the Doctor telling Ruby he can't ever take her back in time to find out who left her at the church on Christmas... that was also well-acted and is setting up what I'm sure will be interesting fodder for the through-line of this season. I liked the energy between them in that final scene, it felt like some of the manic high-energy strangeness I was sensing from earlier had mellowed out, and it felt more real.

This is proving to be a longer review than I intended, but one other thing: I kind of love the way the Doctor is freaked out by how scared he is of the bogeyman, before he figures out that it's literally a creature designed to be scary. It reveals kind of a surprising amount about the Doctor as a character, and how this particular iteration conceives of himself. Like... is the Doctor under the impression that he's someone who doesn't feel fear very often? Is that how we're meant to think of the character? Because I think of him as being quite scared a lot of the time. And running away from crazy shit that seems dangerous is a quintessential Doctor move! But I don't think this line is like, a plot hole or out of character. I think it's an interesting peak into how the Doctor conceives of himself, and what kind of emotional responses feel like an interruption of his normal behavior to him. He's still figuring out who this new regeneration is, I would imagine, although we don't know how long it's been since he said goodbye to Donna and David Tennant.

We end the episode with Ruby getting invited to come along on adventures, but not before stopping by for Christmas at her foster mother's place. The Doctor takes a scan of Ruby's DNA, ostensibly to figure out more about who she really is...

I'm holding my breath hoping this doesn't get too much like Moffat-era companions, Clara especially, with the whole Impossible Girl bullshit that ended up being so insufferable. But even if it does end up going in somewhat of a similar direction, I'm still excited to hang out with these characters for a bit! I just have to give this season premiere kind of low marks, unfortunately.

6/10

[eclipshift]

Thoughts about Hamilton Hamburg (in no specific order)

Alright bitches, bros, and non-binary hoes

I saw Hamilton in Hamburg and I have SO MANY THOUGHTS

First of all if you aren’t aware, The Hamburg performance is in German, and the show opened this Thursday (the first week of October)

my German level is very low… so if you’ve seen it or have thoughts about the lyrics I want to HEAR

But there were some things that I noticed with this cast that have me vibrating at a frequency that could shatter glass:

First off the cast was incredible and now I need a cast recording or I will explode I need it NOW they are my new favorite cast I’m screaming and crying and throwing up

Hamiltons actor (Benet) is very goofy and young and makes for a GREAT act 1 Hamilton. (Act 2 as well, but his personality, look, and voice were particularly amazing for younger Alex)

He was also very sweet, I told him I was from the US and he got super excited, even asked ME for a picture on HIS phone before proceeding to introduce me to Lafayette/Jefferson’s actor and telling him I’m American

Laf/Jefferson's actor was also very enthusiastic and wanted to give me a hug :3

Lyrical stuff

Put a pencil to his brain, connected it to his heart

fucking lyrical genius

"Talk less, smile more" stayed in english :3

Instead of "you can't be serious" when Burr says "talk less, smile more", Ham say "in german please?" because it was in english

heehee fnunny

"And if you don't know, now you know, Mr. President"

"George Washington's going home" was kept in English. very special.

SOUTHERN MOTHERFUCKING DEMOCRATIC REPUBLICANS was kept in enlgihs

Literally just Hercules Mulligan

HERCULES MULLIGAN’S ACTOR WAS FUCKING BATSHIT AND NOW I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT HIM 24/7 AHHH

Farmer refuted???? My dog speaks more eloquently than thee??? THE MAN FUCJIGN BARKED

like full on bark bark grrr

Mans was off the shits

Also he had a tendency to stare wide-eyed at others and at the audience and it was very unsettling and very in-character and now that is just how I expect Hercules Mulligan to be

the switch to Madison was silly goofy because He went from crazy tailor to Quiet Sick Man and my brain could not comprehend why he was suddenly Normal™ and not barking at me

Hamilsquad

Just generally the Alex/John/Laf/Herc group had GREAT chemistry and it was very evident in their performance

Laurens did a lil "got your nose" thing with Ham in story of tonight

Story of tonight reprise I DIDNT NOTICE THAT HERC HAD A FLASK INSTEAD OF A CHAMPAGNE FLUTE LIKE THE REST OF THEM

Laf/Jefferson

I can't pick up on accents in german but my expert sources (german friend) told me that Laf indeed spoke with a french accent

"UH, FRANCE"

he was so bouncy and sassy he could have done a bend and snap and I would agree

The girls <3

ANGELICA

FUCKING POWERHOUSE

Opted up at the end of satisfied, I nearly fell out of my seat and died

Eliza has a very gentle voice and it goes very well with the Angelica.

Peggyyyyy was so prettyyyyyyyyy

she had pigtailsssss

very sassy gurl

also her wig for Maria? I need it in the Louvre it was so nice

BURR

Mamma mia

He had a voice

so good so nice

OPTED UP AT THE END OF WAIT FOR IT, I nearly fell out of my seat Pt. 2

Dear theodosia orz

My mother cried

so good, very genuine

Washingturnt

my father had very high expectations because he loves Tamar Greene with a burning passion

his expectations were exceeded

holy butts

One last time?? Again the fact that they kept the "George Washigton's going home" lyric in english??? It made it very emotional as an anglophone

I cried a little

All in all 11/10 I will fight god to see it again

OK THIS GOT VERY LONG I will probably think of more thoughts bout Blease i am Begging if you have thoughts please tell them to me my life will never be the same

[socialanxietyrabbit]

SPOILERS for Locke and Key season 3 episode 8 (final episode)

Ok, I'm done. Wow, feels weird, honestly. Can't believe it's actually over...

So, first up, Gordie and Sam. I knew it, I freaking knew it. Doesn't mean I wanted it to happen though. Gordie dying, actually giving his last breaths to make sure Kinsey, Tyler and Ellie would make it out alive... ouch. Even worse, he tried to stop Gideon from breaking free. He tried, knowing that he was gonna die, to create a literal mental block strong enough to withhold Gideon. He didn't know the echo's strength so he failed, tragically. I know he was really only important for one episode but I hoped he'd make it. And as for Sam... as mentioned in previous posts, I cared a shit ton for that guy and his involvement. He definitely deserved better that that. Although I know that it was meant as payment and "debt forgiveness". Still hate it.

Now, Gideon. Wow I hate that guy. Cheers to the actor though, I don't know his name, but the way he delivered, man, he made me angry. Real impressive acting. And super happy this dude is gone!

Rufus, Ellie, Jamie and Josh, you know I love you guys, you're great, please always stay the way you are. Love how things ended for them, eventhough I'm a little sad Josh is never gonna know the truth and Jamie will forget eventually.

Duncan and Brian deserve happiness more than anything. I love them.

Gald to know The Savinis managed to finish the film and that it was really such a big success! Good for them. I could've watched the Q&A for hours, no problems. Really surprised Scot showed up but yay! (Shave though, please. He looks so... mature. Old.) Cool line with the Good, Better and Excellent thing. And I'm happy Kinsey might join him soon <3 I would have liked to see Jordan again though, just for old times sake, yknow?

I'm glad Tyler has found his peace, or at least some kind of it. I'm still not a huge fan of the whole Carly-thing, but a road trip sounds great and if Tyler really likes Montana so much, that's amazing! I know he'll miss keyhouse and I think he's gonna come back a lot of times, as often as possible. Even without any event, just because he wants to.

I know Nina is gonna do fine. She has Josh and her Kids and Ellie. She'll be happy. Bode too. He found a best friend in Jamie and is working on being on good terms with Josh (which, BTW, amazing! Love how the made that little peace offering. I think these twos will have a great relationship and will become very close friends).

Now as for what actually happened... I do like that the keys are gone now. And I like how they chose to resolve everything. Throwing the keys in meaning closing the portals was brilliant and brings everything to a nice end. I loved the montage for it, showing bits and pieces of what the keys did and what the characters went through with them (not everything, not a lot or even the main points, just moments were it fit, nothing to sad or emotional, just... epic, in a very simple way). It was well done, that's all I have to say.

And for maybe the most important scene I can just say yes. Yes, wow, thank you. I honestly had a few tears forming when they saw Rendell again. The conversation with him brought me closer to crying than anything this season has and the hug at the end let the tears spill. It fit perfectly but was also so sad to just suddenly see them in the hallway again, still hugging, just without Rendell. It was good to have that last conversation, I think.

For now, that's all I have. It's literally 45 min till midnight and I want to sleep, but watching it was worth it. Feels like some weird sense of closure at the moment.

[pashminalamb]

ahem I am back with a review. *clears throat*

OKAY FIRST OF ALL OW???? THE HECK??? I WAS SNIFFLING AS SOON AS THEY STARTED ACTING DIFFERENT. This is why I get hurt so often I’m too sensitive 💀. Seriously, this pulled my heartstrings so hard. It was great. If angst is the only way for me to feel things now then so be it. Also I simultaneously cannot wait and am dreading reading for my favorite character in this series, like pls I’m going to perish when I read his version. As always I send many virtual hugs!! Also question who’s your favorite character in blue lock?

- ✨ anon

as soon as I saw that the next edition of a bucket-of-angst was out I was like ohohoho look what we have here even less emotional stability I’ll give an update after I’m done reading and crying 😌 - ✨ anon

✨ anon !! Hi lovely ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ

Ngl i love this reaction cause yk you did angst right when someone cries and the faime playlist playing when I wrote this was so worth it

I really had to rack my brain for this one ngl; imagine writing for one particular theme 4 or 5 editions straight cause there are so many well liked characters... it is a challenge cause I don't want to repeat the lines and scenarios so I thought through really hard for this one and ended up with this and the result was totally worth it (ˊᗜˋ)

Now that i'm done with edition 3; I will say that it is the reader's turn now and they are not gonna make it easy for the boys. As if I'd let them get away with that kind of behavior after they hurt you

Ooooh which one is your fav character?

I love all my boys everyone is a whole meal cause ngl my gallery looks like a mess Oliver Aiku .

Seriously though i can't stick to one character cause I literally have A LOT of pictures of Sei, Sae, Rin, Yoichi, Oliver and Rensuke (among many others). Yes I am a hoe but can you blame me? You have 11 men in one team and if you have over say 6 teams with 2 very hot coaches (Noel Noa and Lavinho) then mon ange, you have to buy the whole bakery. my ass would be broke in 10 seconds

[jancys-blue-bayou]

could you talk some more about why you think s3 and 4 are some of the worst written tw

Hoo boy there's a lot. Off the top of my head:

Bottom line their biggest problem is they completely overstuffed the show with way too many characters and locations. This is a basic problem that feeds into so many other problems like the pacing being thrown off (remember how smoothly they cut between different plotlines in s1?) and several characters (mainly Jonathan, Mike, Will) being completely sidelined.

In s3 they focused more on memes (Scoops Troop, Alexei etc) than anything else.

In s1 character moments and character development drove the whole season. Now the character moments we get is only crumbs. As for character development, Steve from s3 and on has been reduced to nothing but a walking meme, Jonathan is completely sidelined, Nancy gets some badass moments but they screw her over by tying her up in the mindnumbingly dumb love triangle writing. If they make Stancy happen in s5 they'll have completely walked back any and all character development for three characters.

Further, especially in s3 think several characters acted very out of character. Like some of the stuff Nancy said to Jonathan when they fought in the car came off as very OOC to me (the Oliver Twist dig etc). Dustin is nothing like the sweet smart boy in s1 who kept the peace and cared more about the party all being friends than anything. But most of all, I hated Hopper in s3, how mean and cruel he was to Mike, Joyce, El. Go back and watch s1, he's so much softer. Also ridiculous that he doesn't flat out believe Joyce right away in s3 after s1-2, esp since he comes around to believing Joyce easier than you think in s1. Also his letter voiceover end of s3 that was supposed to be emotional was just trash.

They can't write relationships for shit. Once a ship is canon all the writers can think to do is "let's have them fight and break up!" which is so cheap and dumb.

The spoopy Russians in s3 and that whole plot was so lame, over the top and bad. It was completely unbelievable (yes it's a show where monsters are real but that doesn't mean the human stuff doesn't have to make sense. The realistic human storylines in s1 was what made the monster stuff work so well against it), incomprehensible and just *so* hokey.

They had a full on Coke commercial in an s3 scene. Yes product placement has been part of the show since s1 but the New Coke scene was another level, completely shameless.

The Never Ending Story musical number broke the Geneva Convention and should be investigated and prosecuted as a crime against humanity.

In s3 they give so much screentime to Billy and give his racist abusive ass a sort of redemption by the end.

In s4 they waste soooooo much screentime on the incredibly one note Jason the jock character while the likes of Mike, Will, Jonathan don't get anytime at all. They're not even in ep 7 and spend the climactic fight watching from the sidelines.

The Byers move makes no sense.

They completely don't give a shit about the Byers family anymore when for me and many other viewers they were the emotional heart of s1. It all started and ended with them. In s3 Jonathan and Will are in the same plot line for a bunch of time but we don't get any Byers bros stuff even then, and at the end of the season we don't even get a family hug, Joyce just hugs Will even though Jonathan is there too (and the Duffers told Winona there "was no time" for her to hug both her sons...) In s4 Joyce abandons her kids to go off on her Hopper rescue mission. We get the Jonathan and Will talk and hug which was great (and completely shocking to all of us that they allowed for that) and a family hug at the end but like... please let Jonathan and Joyce talk at some point?

Nancy and Mike spent a lot of time in s3 in the same plot too but we didn't get any sibling bonding between them.

They straight up just abandoned Will's arc halfway through s3. In s4 they repeat the "Jancy has communication issues" which was their arc in s3, negating that s3 arc. And they refuse to complete the arc in s4 to drag the dead love triangle into s5.

The meat monster in s3 was a super lame monster and s4 revealing the big bad as Vecna aka edgelord 3000 I'm not a fan of.

The cgi looks so bad. Vecna being tossed into the UD/whatever that place is in s4e7 takes the cake.

Them retconning so much of s1 in s4 is trash writing.

The s4 scene of El being bullied at the roller rink was really bad, like completely over the top and hokey.

Overall I'm not a fan of the direction they've taken the overarching plot in, with the spoopy Russian, Vecna etc.

Them repeating the same seasonal structure year after year is so boring. Separate cold open. Checking in on all the characters going about their lives. Supernatural stuff slowly starting to happen. Everyone being split up into different plot lines. Plot lines converging towards the end. El fights the monster of the season. Aftermath epilogue. Rinse and repeat.

The human threat of the US government makes no sense anymore. Owens and his super loyal agent men being some sort of good guys for no motivation, the spoopy Russians being set up as more evil than the Good Americans, together with the Bad Americans now being some army branch it's all just... what happened to s1?

They make cheap, dumb and so easily avoided mistakes like forgetting Will's birthday, having the cops interrogating El (a minor) without a guardian present etc yes these may seem like small things but there's so many small little mistakes like these.

They don't have a script supervisor, the Duffers openly admit they don't watch the previous seasons. Which explains a lot of why later seasons don't make sense with earlier ones.

Basically I just think it's like a completely different show compared to s1, and the writing is the main cause of it. Go back and watch s1 and see how the plot develops organically, character driven, at such a nice pace, Will and Barb going missing and El being found setting everything off and then it's all driven by the characters growing and developing and they cut between all the plot lines perfectly before they all dovetail nicely at the end. Compare it to s3 and s4 and it's just like night and day.

[charbunnies]

HBD GRIMSLEYYYYYY 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 u can use this ask to talk about ur blorbo of ur choosing if u want. I HOPE TODAYS GOOD TO U

TY VIXEN MY BELOVED!!! <3 i hope it's good to me too, we're watching advent children w/ my mom and that will be. An Experience

Anyway! i believe i shall talk about my current on-the-mind meowmeow, mr. vincent fowler who is living in my mind rent free because he's my focus for miqomarch. here he is!

i originally made him because i wanted a character in xiv to sexualize (sorry) because my main wol is a BABY teenager. and i wanted to play with mods. but then i got attached and now vincent makes me feel shrimp emotions

he's got like. four different verses but the main one i focus on is wol!vincent because Ough. he's a sharlayan moonkeeper miqo who had a special interest in primals as a kid and got scolded, put down and bullied for it for his entire childhood and he has a bit of a complex about it. when the sharlayan exodus happened (when vincent was 12), he broke into the great gubal library and stole a bunch of books on primals and ran off into dravania/coerthas in the middle of winter :^)

he got picked up by a young estinien and accidentally weaseled his way into becoming estinien's adopted younger brother. estinien renamed him to keep him from standing out as much around ishgardians so he just white-ified his name (vincent was originally named vincen'to fawhra. and estinien went "hhmmm how about vincent fowler". really creative estinien thanks). and then vincent joined the dragoons and, at 17, accidentally became the second azure dragoon. which he did not want! he became a dragoon as a cover for studying summoning/primals and then he got too good at it. so he wasn't exactly thrilled and got shoved into a position of power WHICH LED TO:

he got sent off to fight garuda alone when the ixal summoned her because the ishgardians wanted him dead, and because vincent's azem was the one who created her and risked a lot to save her from being destroyed as a creation, she recognized his soul and let him kill her to spare him. and because of the way smn works (yknow, have to have killed the primal to summon it!) suddenly vincent found himself able to just. summon her. he can't summon any of the other primals it's just her. they're best friends but they act like they hate each other and they make me cry so so much (it's the red-string-of-fate i-can't-let-you-go-even-though-i-can't-remember-why AGONY)

also he was childhood friends with g'raha and y'shtola but obviously lost contact when he ran away. g'raha had a kid crush on him that he never really got rid of and long story short, they end up together after shb but not without like, a LOT of agony

guys who make me really, really insane. vinraha my friends my meowmeows. i don't want to talk too much about their stuff because that's like. this reply is getting so fucking long but just know that they make me feel like screaming

but yeah. he's a weird drg/smn/drk combo where a lot of his attacks/abilities utilize garuda in some way. i call him a windcaller :)

UHHHH other than that, he's pretty and a little bit of a whore and extremely loyal to a fault and he puts on a scary face until you talk to him for like 5 minutes and realize he's actually very sweet. he gives good hugs and has wide shoulders and he's beefy and i want to kiss him on the face.

OH AND LAST THING: he and sidurgu had/have a weird relationship where they had a one night stand one time and sid thinks about it all the time and vincent never thinks about it at all. sid is still hopelessly in love with him despite the fact that it's been years. rielle likes vincent more than sid and also bullies sid about still being Like That with vincent. they permanently have weird sexual tension and also vaguely don't get along and it is so fucking funny to me. sid sees vincent showing raha around ishgard and vincent's making cat kissy eyes at raha and sid's like Oh. God Dammit. i think it's funny when grown ass men are weird like this.

anyway that is all <3 hope you enjoyed my ted talk and ty again for letting me talk about my blorbo

[dark9896]

Birthday Cheer [Klaus x Reader]

Requested by Anonymous 👟

Klaus woke from the same nightmare. Always the same thing, at least twice a week. Seeing you spinning away from him into the darkest of abysses. Forever just barely out of his reach. Klaus hated the feeling, he hated that he had to give up like this. He was still determined to find you, though no one knew where you'd been in the Great Collapse. For all they knew, all their contacts, no matter how hard they searched...

Klaus hated that this was his one defeat.

He hardly noticed the date on the calendar, only a cursory glance to confirm that this was the day his nightmare had been set in. The empty feeling in his stomach swirled with anger and longing. Klaus didn't feel like eating much, despite the wonderful spread of breakfast Gilbert had laid out. Something was missing, and it ate at Klaus to not be sharing today with you. Everything felt off.

~~~~~

"Happy Birthday Klausie!"

K.K. flung her arms around the tall man's neck, holding a small well-wrapped package addressed to him. And while Klaus did indeed return the hug, it was only half-heartedly. This feeling of loss followed him, especially today.

"Thank you K.K." Klaus was practically toneless, worrying everyone in the office, "I truly appreciate this."

K.K.'s face fell into a soft frown, "Klaus, you know [Name] wouldn't want you to be like this. They'd have your--"

"Ease up K.K." Steven interjected, setting a card on Klaus's desk, "It's only been a year since... Well, since everything happened. You can't hold it against Klaus until the sting wears off."

Klaus turned, slightly ashamed of how his terrible mood was affecting everyone. He couldn't help it, he wasn't sure if even he was strong enough to bear the burdens laid upon his shoulders. Not all of these things happening at once.

~~~~~

"This just in, a building thought to have been lost in the Great Collapse has just re-appeared. Police have the area sealed off, but it looks hopeful for the prospect of survivors to emerge any moment now."

Klaus turned his attention to the television simply out of curiosity. If buildings could reappear then there might be a chance that people could as well. But the idea of getting his hopes up hurt more than he cared to admit. Klaus wasn't used to this pessimistic attitude. He wanted very much to get rid of it as quickly as--

Klaus knocked his chair over with the force of standing up. Disbelief swirled with the newfound giddy rush of what he'd seen. There was no mistaking who it was on the TV, one of the first to exit the building had been...

There was no stopping Klaus, he hadn't the patience to even consider getting into a vehicle. No, he was nearly racing down the street toward large ambulances and police tape.

Naturally, this behavior was causing everyone around him to jump clean out of his way. And leaving Steven, Zapp, and K.K. tailing after him. Steven had caught what made Klaus act so out of character, only just able to explain as they raced out of the office after their red-haired boss.

Klaus stopped just shy of the barricade, panting slightly and hair all a mess. Eyes scanning the area for where you might have gone, which ambulance were you near...

"Klaus..."

The poor frazzled man nearly broke his ankles turning to that relieved sigh. Unable to stop himself from scooping you into a tight hug. Tiny tears were easing out of his shut eyes, face buried tightly against your neck, fangs very much pressed against your skin in a way that would threaten to break through if he tried to speak.

But Klaus had no intentions of that, he was far too overwhelmed with emotions to speak. He just needed to have you close, not even caring how many people were around to watch.

Yet that joy and relief were short-lived as the guilt started setting in. How easily he had given up on you returning. The moment's intensity was stripped away by how horrible he felt. As if he had abandoned you, left you for dead. As if his dreams had been more you calling out to him rather than a manifestation of his own fears.

Or had it merely changed as he lost hope?

Klaus backed away, sheepish and guilty, unwilling to let go of your hand yet feeling as if he wasn't worthy of holding on. He had given up after all. That had to be the single worst thing he's ever done, right?

You were blocked from sight by a wild K.K. flinging her arms around you. Klaus stood there as the guilt mounted, K.K. explaining how Klaus had been the last person to stop looking for you.

He couldn't take the way you beamed up at him. He didn't deserve the way you were looking at him.

Klaus wanted you to hate him for giving up at all. To hold him accountable for something, for leaving you alone like that. For not making sure you were safe, anything.

But that never came.

You were just relieved to be back, no longer lost amid the Alterworld. Glad that everyone was safe, and that Klaus was there to greet you and show you back to the office. To be able to spend a quiet evening with him and properly celebrate his birthday, even if it was a year late.

"Klaus," You had to hunt him down in his greenhouse, "I meant to give this to you last year, but..."

"[Name], I... I don't." Klaus looked you over, but things were still settling in his mind, "Your being back is more than enough of a gift."

You frowned a little, "You've been kinda cagey since... Well, it's hard to pinpoint the moment you started being cagey but... What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Klaus might think he's good at lying but his fidgeting and generally shifty behavior said otherwise, "I've merely been attempting to not be overbearing. I'd rather avoid making a nuisance of myself the day you return."

Klaus didn't like how you were staring him down, not in the slightest. His finger ticked at the handle of his watering can, feeling like he had been cornered. Instantly knowing you'd caught onto the fact that he was lying.

"L-Liebling. I..." Klaus finally gave in, sitting down at the nearby garden table, "In truth, I feel as if I've failed you. Regardless of how long it took, I still gave up looking for you. I had believed you to be dead. I can't help but feel terribly guilty about that."

Klaus was shaking, badly. His breathing became shallow as his tempo increased as if he had to get all of this off his chest before he exploded.

"I had lost hope, for the first time in my life I had turned my back on someone I deeply care about. That feeling of complete defeat had barely set in this morning before the news broadcast showing you were perfectly fine. In my haste, I hadn't registered how poorly I was behaving. I had simply been so swept up at the moment I didn't think about the full ramifications of my actions how..."

"Klaus!" You squeezed the large hands as they twisted together, "Look at me. Please."

Like a child in trouble, Klaus couldn't stop that sad puppy look across his face. The tears just barely contained behind those glasses.

"You're doing this all to yourself. I don't blame you for anything." You were trying to pry his hands apart, emphasis on trying, "I get it, I felt the same. Every day I gave up a little at a time. But this, now that we're together... now that everything is back to... well kind of back to normal. None of that matters."

You really had to stretch across the table to cup his cheek, "It kills me to see you beating yourself up so badly on your birthday of all days. I know how difficult it must be, given everything that happened. But that doesn't mean you... doesn't mean that we can't still make the best of this."

You stopped, not sure if you really should keep going or not. You knew where Klaus was coming from, how torn up he must feel to be this shaky and upset. But you couldn't stand the silence either.

"I mean," You chuckled under your breath, "We've fought blood breeds and ended up in matching hospital gowns. Bouncing back from hardships is kinda our strongest attribute."

Klaus broke, chuckling a little through tears streaming down his face. His hand enveloped yours as he leaned closer. It would take him time to fully forgive himself, but at least for today he could set aside his turmoil and simply enjoy your presence.

Maybe even forgive himself before the new year.

[leggerefiore]

I'M FREE TO COMMENT!!!! I just saw at the end of your pinned post who are your favourite characters and we have similar tastes! So I couldn't help but request them! This is your first time writing Grusha but it's so good because I think that's how he would act too! My Headcanons for (Pokémon) Cyrus, Grimsley, Grusha, and Larry with shy s/o request is so good! I love this especially how hard Cyrus tries but gets scolded by Jupiter & Mars instead XD, he would apologize if it upset them that he didn't help but he would believe emotions are useless even more than before, he would only be affectionate occasionally, he would only stand there if they hug him, he enjoys it despite his expression XD, he does care even though he's bad at showing it, Grimsley would help them but also tease them XD, he would compromise by finding places that balances it out & would order depending on a coin flip XD, he compares them to a shy Purrloin, how smug he would be when he helped them be affectionate with him XD, he genuinely helps them & would apologise if he upsets them, Larry is uncertain considering what his jobs require but he would do his best to help, he would forfeit going to his favourite restaurant in evenings knowing how they feel about it, he would help them out or give his support in silence if both of them end up in a restaurant somehow, he would initiate being affectionate but he would smile if they did it, both of them are awkward but he's good at picking up on things & giving subtle comforts, Grusha would misunderstand at first but realised his mistake & tries to figure a way that works with them, he would prefers walks alone with them on the mountains as their dates, he would help them out but also wants them to stand up for themselves, he actually tried to make them initiate in roundabout ways before doing it himself XD, it actually helps them to initiate & he's a great cuddler, and how awkward he is but he cares about them a lot! Thank you so much for doing my request because I love it so much :)

No problem lol, I get a bit slow with responding to some asks because I've been off my scenario building game lately.

Cyrus just can't handle emotions (ever), Grimsley is between being an asshole and being friendly most of the time, Larry is awkward and trying but also tired, and Grusha seems like he'd try but also be annoyed about it lol.

[thereisnoblogniche]

The Last of Us (2023)

I have no outlet to talk about this. I need to express my thoughts somewhere. I just finished episode 7 today. i don't expect or necessarily want anyone to read this but if you are bored please don't expect this to make sense. i'm very tired and i feel myself nodding off as i type longer and longer (i'm writing this part last). I took some cold medicine and I am certain that is not helping. just a disclaimer for if you do read because it's all over the place and it's not pretty. very vulnerable and ugly look at myself.

"it's okay baby girl. I've got you." That line single-handedly destroyed me. Okay, that's not fair. It's what made me break down into the visceral, uncontrollable sobs that I couldn't contain or hide anymore. But it was far from working alone.

what an emotional, intense, wild ride. The show has been fantastic up to this point. I've had so many intimate moments with the characters. I've learned about them. Gotten to know them. Watched many of them die--fairly or not. It's not a fair world after the world ends. it may not be kind or gentle or morally good, but it's justifiable, if not just understandable.

The show is well-made, well-cast, well-acted, well-edited, well-done all over. But I feel gutwrenched. Sad. I don't want it to end. I haven't had enough time. I need more episodes. Why aren't they longer? Why aren't there 13? Why not have a whole second season dedicated to more of Ellie and Joel's relationship? I'm not ready for this to be over. I am just not.

I don't know how to succinctly or even long-windedly explain how I feel about this episode. All I feel is just empty and depressed. Just depleted. I am very affected by fictional media and find myself so wrapped up in the characters and story, you'd think I went through it and experienced it all myself.

I can't put it into words. I keep sitting here and trying. Yes, watching Joel and Ellie go from a transactional relationship to choosing to save one another over and over is beautiful. Yes, watching Joel open up and Ellie learn to survive are two things that I cannot do justice to by simply summing them up in a sentence as great character arcs. Yes, the stories, the dialogue, the action, the twists, the turns, the devastation--it's all a masterclass in video game adaptations. but there's more to it for me. Another level I can't quite articulate but I'll try.

I don't want to live through the apocalypse. I certainly don't want to live to see a fungal pandemic. BUT I think there's a part of me that wants to be saved.

There's a part of me who is Ellie. Who is tough and fierce and a survivor. But who just wants to be wrapped up in the arms of someone who chooses me. Joel grabbing her and hugging her at the end of the episode wasn't because he just saved her from the bad guys. She saved herself. He is no longer obligated to her. But he wants to be there for her. He comforts her all the same. He is still there for her in the aftermath, happy to be reunited with her. Relieved. Thankful. Maybe I'm not like ellie. Because I feel like I do need rescuing. I can't do it by myself. I'm tired. I'm weak. I need help. I do want to be held. I want to be protected. I want to be saved from the bad guys. Dont' give me the gun. Put me on the horse, give me your extra coat, defend me with your life. Actually, Ellie does that for Joel in this episode. She protects him and fights for him. What an amazing person.

It's something that's tugged at me since the show started. The idea of being saved. Being protected. Specifically by someone as ruthless and hardened and not so likeable as Joel. But he's someone who is hardened for a reason. Someone who is guarded for a reason. i respect it, I admire it. I fear it. I wouldn't dare try to crack that nut. No I am nothing like ellie. she is fearless (on the outside). she doesn't care. i could never. I care too much.

And she does too. She cares. She risked her life to save Joel instead of running away. She went through hell and back and survived to meet him on the other side. I could never. I would have been hoping and praying to a god I don't believe in to please save Joel in time so he could wake up and protect me.

Please protect me.

I need someone strong, someone too closed off, someone who is a bit of an asshole--warranted or not--likeable or not. And no I didn't like him for awhile. I didn't hate him. I just saw him the way I saw a lot of people in the post-pandemic world. Just people trying to survive I guess. they have their reasons.

But as time went on, I still found myself thinking, yeah, wow, that's the guy I would want in my corner. Tough and cold and unloving as he might seem. You know he wouldn't hesitate to protect you. And then to see him soften up and grow fond of ellie, in his own way, and then outright hug her and hold her and show her affection. I felt myself in that moment become ellie. that's what I mean when I say i am like her I think. I became her in that moment. Small, vulnerable, scared, horrified, traumatized, relieved, in need of a friend.

what do I need to do to find me a joel? that's not fucking healthy. I don't want an emotionally unavailable 56 year old. that's some therapy material. though it doesn't hurt that he is very attractive somehow (I say that like the whole world wasn't simping after him). but I found it to be more than that. there's something about this character specifically--because I didn't think he was all that attractive before. now I get it. there's definitely some psychological bullshit to explain why I feel so attracted to this, not just sexually, but like on a mental and emotional plane. I feel so validated by this arc and I ache so badly to feel it resolved in my life. i don't know how to explain that or appropriately express it.

i want to live vicariously and feel protected by a grumpy guy who learns to love me. that's toxic af but it's how i feel and i have had some uncomfortable feelings unlocked. all the girls with daddy issues be like,.. hahah hahahah just kidding. or am i?

just please love me. please love me. please love me. take care of me. even if you hate me or can't stand me or don't understand why i am under your protection. please save me.

i wish i were like ellie. she is way more self-assured and confident than i am. yes she is scared and insecure in some ways. she's human. but she isn't scared and insecure in the ways that i am.

boy this show has me fucked up. this fictional piece of media. fuck you HBO and naughty dog. I wish i never saw it