#if you got designs. lmk. send them to me

[happyyft]

Can't sleep so ofc I gotta draw

[osachiyo]

.* ࣪.⋆ ❐ OH, DARLING ! (∩˃o˂∩)♡

﹙ ✿ ﹚── includes : dazai, chuuya, kunikida, ranpo, fyodor & nikolai x fem!reader

﹙ ✿ ﹚── content warnings : sfw content (very rare from me ☠), fluff, nikolai being an amazing father, a bit of crack, a teeeny tiny suggestive bit but nothing too bad, and ummm children?

﹙ ✿ ﹚── synopsis : bsd men as daddies 😍

﹙ ✿ ﹚── author's note : lmk if y'all want the baby making part aswell 😼

DAZAI ୭·࣭࣪̇˖  

Dazai as a dad in one word is definitely 'silly'. He always knew how to make his baby girl's frown into a smile in mere seconds. He knew her like the back of his hand, always knowing how to calm her down when she's crying or throwing a fit. During your pregnancy he'd try to sing his famous suicide song to his soon to be born baby, only to get smacked in the head by you. He'd always keep a hand on your swollen stomach, excited to feel her kick.

You and Dazai were in your shared bedroom. His lips were on your own soft ones, plump and swollen from him softly nibbling on them. He gently laid you down on the mattress, kissing and nibbling on your ear as he whispered sweet nothings to you. He was about to lift your shirt when suddenly a cry came from the other room. You both jumped and sat up straight on the bed before you rushed out to comfort your crying baby. You picked her up from the crib and shushed her, bouncing your daughter in your arms in hopes for her to calm down. "Its okay, darling. Mommy's right here, see?" You smiled, wiping the tears and snot off her face with a towel. You sighed in relief when she stopped crying, only staring at you with a pout. "What's my princess crying about?" You turn around to see Dazai leaning against the door frame. You walk towards him and hand her over, pouting, "guess she missed her daddy?" He cooed at her, making her giggle and squeal. "Oh, is that right? Aren't you a naughty girl, interrupting mommy and daddy's spicy time like this?" He pinched her nose softly, his tone playful but holding so much love. He truly adored this baby. You huff playfully, crossing your arms. "I'm the one who carried her for nine months but you're her favourite?! This is so unfair." He chuckled, kissing your cheek. "Don't worry, love. You'll always be my favourite." You made a disgusted face, "I'd rather not." "Wha—Why?!"

CHUUYA ୭·࣭࣪̇˖  

This man is the best dad any kid could ever ask for. He was genuinely so damn nervous when you first told him you were pregnant, almost thinking it was a prank until you told him no, you were actually having a baby. He was excited and scared at the same time, but you reassured him that he would make a wonderful father, and he did.

Chuuya was taking care of the baby today since you had to go and run some errands. He silently stared at his son absolutely demolishing the Barbie doll Dazai had gifted him, foolishly assuming you guys had a girl. His son, who had just turned two, straight up decapitated the doll and is now trying to rip off it’s arm. Chuuya debated whether he would stop the child before he accidentally hurts himself. He finally decided to just take a video and send it to you with the caption, “this is what we raised.” He placed the phone aside and strode over to his son, gently trying to take the downright brutalized doll away from him but he wouldn’t budge, tightening his grip on the toy, “mine!” Chuuya sighed, wondering just where this kid got his stubbornness from.

You arrived back home just one hour later, "I'm home!" You first placing the groceries in their designated spots before heading to the livingroom to see your husband and son. The living room was...a complete mess. Barbie limbs were scattered on the tiled floor, some even had teeth marks on them, indicating that the little boy was chewing on them. You sighed and your eyes landed on the sofa, where the two most important people of your life were sleeping peacefully. Your eyes softened. You walked over to the couch and gently kissed your son's cheek before doing the same to Chuuya. You noticed there was a Barbie head somehow stuck to his ginger hair. You laughed quietly, he definitely took after him.

KUNIKIDA ୭·࣭࣪̇˖  

When you told him you were pregnant, he was absolutely over the moon. He was very protective during your pregnancy, not letting you go to work or do any household chores. He wanted to be the ideal husband and father for you and the bundle of joy you were giving birth to. He was with you every step of the way, reassuring you that everything would be fine and you were both in this together. He knew you'd be an amazing mother.

Kunikida woke up from the sound of a chair scraping against the floor. He squinted and reached for his phone, '2:16 am'. He sat up straight, blinking the sleep away as he got out of the comfort of the shared bed. He glanced at you, leaning in to kiss your forehead before walking out of the bedroom. He quietly headed towards the kitchen only to see his 3 year old daughter standing atop a chair infront of the fridge, tub of the cookie dough flavoured ice cream in her stubby hands. She tries to scoop it out with an ice cream scooper but alas, the ice cream is too hard. His heart clenched at the adorable sight of her pouting, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as she tries her best to scoop the cold treat out. He snaps out of it and clears his throat, hands on his hips while he interrogated her, "and what're you doing up so late?" She whipped her head towards her father's direction, startled by his stern voice. She quickly tries to hide the ice cream tub behind her, the scooper falling out of her grasp in the process. "n-nothing!" He sighed and picked the metal tool up from the floor, walking over to the sink to clean it before getting a bowl and returning back to his little girl. "Give that here," he takes the tub of ice cream, scooping a healthy amount in the bowl before giving it to her. "Don't tell mommy, okay?" She nodded, too busy savouring the sweet taste of the ice cream. He pinches her cheek playfully, "you're such a messy eater..and do not think you'll be getting away with this everytime, young lady." He scolds, flicking her forehead, making her whine. If only they both knew you've been watching the entire time, heart doing backflips at the cuteness of it.

RANPO ୭·࣭࣪̇˖  

Ranpo was...an interesting father to say the least. He wasn't terrible but he definitely wasn't the best. You didn't expect anything more, considering he's a full grown adult with a toddler's mentality. While your pregnancy, he helped you with most stuff but he would not tolerate your mood swings. He once called you bratty while you were in your trimester and you smacked the shit out of him, which was deserved according to Yosano while he whined about it to her. He bought you your flowers and chocolates as an apology later. This man almost cried when he held the baby in his arms for the first time but he'd rather die than admit that.

Ranpo stared at you breastfeeding your baby boy in utter focus. His eyes were narrowed to slits as he observed his son stealing your tits from their rightful owner. You deadpanned at him, "honey, is something the matter?" He pouted, "I want milk too~" You sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose, mentally patting yourself on the back for dealing with his shenanigans every day. "You're not a baby, Ranpo.." "but you said I'm your baby! You call me baby every day, no?" Your son side eyed his dad for a second before going back to drinking peacefully. "Did you see that?! Did you see how he looked at me?!" Ranpo accusedly pointed a finger at the small child and you shook your head. "He's just a baby, darling. I don't think he can give you a nasty look at this age..." Your husband only crosses his arms angrily before crawling towards you on the bed, reaching for one of your boobs when his son side eyed him again, judging hard. Ranpo ignored the look and leaned in to take you in his mouth when your son started crying, waving his arms around in clear distress. You tried to calm him down, bouncing him in your lap and kissing his chubby face., "aww baby don't cry~ daddy is a weirdo? I know, baby, I know." Ranpo gasped, grumbling something about 'sharing is caring'. "so sharing is caring until it comes to you sharing your snacks?" You commented, giggling mischeviously with your son, who was now beaming as he watched his dad sulk away.

FYODOR ୭·࣭࣪̇˖  

Fyodor was an amazing husband to you as long as you obeyed him like a good wife should that sounds borderline sexist but ok. He was also very caring and protective during your pregnancy, always looking out for you, making sure you're well fed, not letting you do chores by yourself, you get the idea. Fortunately, the whole process went very smoothly, he was there almost every step of the way. When he held the small child in his arms, he felt a joy he didn't know he could. The small bundle of sunshine got fyodor's raven hair, your eyes and his face structure. He just loved that kid so much and you could tell by the way he spoke to her so gently, cradling her in his arms as he promised her that would take good care of you both.

Fyodor was currently busy with giving his precious daughter a bath, the three year old jumping in excitement as she loves her bathtime. Usually you'd be the one helping her bathe, but you couldn't do that today because of a fever. So your dear husband took over the household duties for today. You tried to reassure him that he didn't have to, but he wouldn't budge, forcing you to lay down and rest while he took care of everything.

Now here he was, trying to choose which bathbomb he should pick for his three year old daughter. He settles on a sparkly purple one with pink swirls, "How's this one, love?" The toddler's eyes widen, curiously gazing at it with her big, doe eyes. He smiled and plopped the bathbomb in the tub, watching his daughter squeal as it fizzes up. "Oh! 's pwetty, daddy!" She giggled, splashing some water at him. He chuckled, head resting on his palm, thinking about how adorable she was.

NIKOLAI ୭·࣭࣪̇˖  

Bro went to get the milk faster than lighting itself.

©sachiyoh— do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, likes and reblogs are very appreciated♡

[stsgooo]

Misclick.

✩࿐ summary: an evening where you feel particularly confident leads to an embarrassing and bountiful encounter.

warning(s): minors and ageless blogs DNI! suggestive talk, teacher!geto au, kinda crack fic, mutual masturbation, phone sex, afab!reader, descriptions of female anatomy, not proof read. wc; 3.2k

pairing(s): geto suguru x fem!reader, shoko x fem!reader (if you squint).

a/n: trying to get practice writing smut and smut adjacent things. please lmk what i could work on :)

divider 1

TODAY WAS YOURS TO CLAIM.

Everything was falling into place for you. The third years were at your beck and call, Gojo hadn’t been a particularly loud problem today, and the set you ordered a few months ago came in.

When you got the notification on your phone, you thought the stars finally aligned and some higher being was thanking you for your hard work. Finally, you would be able to just live and have some fun while doing it.

After work, you practically skipped out of the school, blatantly ignoring Gojo who made some backhanded comment about rainbows coming out of your ass. You had priorities. One of which was getting home as quickly as possible and putting that lingerie set on so you could just lay about with some overbearing sense of confidence. A part of you wanted to be smug, while another, a tiny part of you, worried about what it’d look like.

The sticker less box was sitting against your apartment door when you arrived. The only identifying thing on it was your name address then a big smiley face thanking you for your purchase. Almost scandalized, you quickly brought the box inside and went to your room. Taking a quick shower before putting on the set.

The lingerie set was something you had found together with Shoko on one of your many girls nights. Both of you had been laughing at the obscure designs of some of them, making comments how it would be better to not wear anything at all than a thin piece of fabric. When it caught both of your eyes. The model for it was gorgeous, that’s probably where you both initially got stunted. She was practically exposed right there on the webpage, winking at the camera. You were about to scroll away when Shoko had loudly proclaimed: You would look so hot in that. And your fate had been sealed.

Now, standing in front of your large mirror, you silently thanked Shoko for her amazing intuition. You looked hot and you looked very fuckable.

The lingerie set was a soft purple color, the fabric was entirely lace so it left little to the imagination, but the little dark purple hearts over your nipples gave you some illusion of modesty. The girdle was snug against your upper thighs and the stockings felt almost like silk against your skin.

The sight of yourself in the mirror made you blush, eyeing it all in a new way. You looked amazing.

All things considered, you felt incredible.

Your phone on your nightstand vibrated and you felt a little giddy as you grabbed it. A text from Shoko and three other texts you weren’t going to pay attention to now. You had texted Shoko while you were leaving about the set arriving and she had just responded with an enthusiastic show it to me!!

You raised an eyebrow.

You

do you want to come over or…?

It took one minute for Shoko to respond.

Shosho ❤️

no time. just send a picture please. 🙏 need to see your hotness in all its glory! thx

You

i’ve never taken a picture like that before.

Shosho ❤️

it doesn’t have to be high quality, you’re not in a porno. don’t deprive me of being right.

You

fine. but don’t complain when you can’t see any of the juicy details.

Shosho ❤️

my heart is breaking.

You smiled stupidly at your friend’s behavior and looked to the mirror. You were never exactly one to take pictures of yourself. Shoko practically had to hold you at gunpoint when it came to it. Most of your pictures were of food and whenever Gojo got his grubby hands on your phone to take a million photos of himself and his students. But you were feeling nice tonight, you were feeling like you were definitely worth the cloud space usage being used on yourself for once.

With your little knowledge on lewd pictures, you found yourself in various positions.

First, you had opted into taking pictures of yourself in the mirror next to your bed. The first photo had been you simply sitting with your legs folded on either side of you, your face obscure but the set clear. The next photo was you on your knees, now opting to ghosting your fingers over the bra strap. The last picture was a little more risqué. You had your chest to the floor, your back arched and your ass raised. It was dark in your room but you could just make out the outline of your cunt in the mirror.

You figured the pictures would be enough, but, high on a streak, you switch positions to your bed.

You took only two photos there. One with you looking up at the camera with a wink and a grin, pulling the bra down just shy of your nipple, pressing your legs together. The next one was the boldest. Your face was no longer in frame, with more focus on your body. The bra now gone, an arm thrown over your breasts to hide your nipples, but your legs were spread to show off the little dark patch where your slick was collecting on the underwear.

Okay, maybe you were getting too into it.

After the pictures were taken, you figured that it would be both funny and relieving to send all of them to Shoko. After all, she would probably want to bask in her glory.

You gathered all six photos, typed will this satisfy you? and pressed send, then threw the phone off to the side.

Now, nervousness took ahold of you. There was something jarring about the whole thing. But you tried to remind yourself that Shoko had asked. This would all be a great opportunity to get out of your self deprecating shell. Tonight was about you-

Your phone vibrated and you practically jumped to read whatever response the woman may have drummed up.

It was Shoko, but with nothing you expected.

Shosho ❤️

okay, how can someone naturally sexy take this long to take pictures? don’t tell me you bailed.

Immediately, you were confused.

It hadn’t taken you super long to take the pictures. You briefly convinced yourself that it was simply taking too long to send. But the painfully blank screen on your side was making you sick.

You quickly backed out of your texts with Shoko and into your bank of unread and forgotten contacts. You didn’t have to look far. Right under Shoko’s name with the “Attachment: 6 images” proudly displayed under it. The last person you wanted to send these to.

Geto Suguru.

You and Geto had never really gotten along. You didn't have any ill feelings towards him. In fact, when he first started, you had an embarrassing and rather childish crush on him. He was attractive, extremely pretty, it wasn't hard to feel a little nervous around him. However, he had appeared indifferent towards you. There weren't many opportunities for you to get to know one another, so you had counted your losses and moved on with your life. There was a silent agreement between the both of you, you just never spoke to him unless he initiated first or you really needed something.

But here you were now. Sent him photos where you're practically dripping and you barely spoke to the man.

You were going to kill yourself.

You found yourself returning back to Shoko with tears pooling in your eyes.

You

i misclicked and sent them to geto.

The read read receipt was instant, however Shoko’s response came two minutes later.

Shosho ❤️

i would love to see his face.

You

shoko, this is serious.

Shosho ❤️

has he seen them yet? if not, just try explaining it away.

You quickly clicked the back to Geto’s messages and hoped to see that he was busy and just hadn’t seen them. Your heart dropped further when you saw the read receipt under the photos. It’d been five minutes since he first saw them. You paled and felt like you could just about throw up when you saw the three dots on his side appear, disappear, then appear, then disappear. He was definitely typing up a storm about how inappropriate this was and that they’d be having a discussion with Yaga tomorrow morning.

However, his message was nothing of the sort.

Geto.

?

Nice bra.

Or lack thereof.

Still mad at you about the curses BTW.

You’re seriously going to kill yourself. This was it.

Your face flushed red, embarrassment and shame took ahold of you in an instant.

You

Geto, I’m so sorry. These were meant for someone else, this was a complete accident. Not an excuse, I should’ve been paying attention.

Again, I’m so sorry.

Your fingers shook as you typed out your deeply apologetic message.

Of all the people to accidentally send it to, it was the guy that acted like he had a bone to pick with you. The one guy out of the entire staff that just didn’t appear to like you.

You silently pondered and wished it had been Gojo you accidentally sent them to. He would’ve acted like a pervert and probably teased you about it for weeks on end, but he was friendly. He knew your limits. You feared exactly what Geto would do.

Geto.

You could make it up to me.

Can you call?

You

Sure.

The call came through in an instant, as if he had been hovering his thumb over the button waiting for your response. You answered and were about to apologize profusely, offering to take care of all his assignments for the next two months. You were about to until he spoke up.

“I’ve been thinking,” Geto’s voice was smooth and low on the other end, yet soft. As it always had been. His tone always as if he’s observing something interesting. “I’ve been thinking about you.”

You weren’t exactly sure what you expected from this call, but this definitely wasn’t even in the top twenty.

You blinked, your gaze on the ceiling. “You’ve been… thinking about me?” You repeated slowly, feeling suspicious.

Geto hummed. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about you. About how we barely talk and I was trying to talk to you then… then you send those pictures.” He sounded a little breathless on the other end.

Your heart skipped a beat. “Geto, seriously, I’m so sorry-“

“Don’t apologize.”

You pressed your lips together at his interruption. He was definitely going to chew you out.

He took in a shaky breath, something that was terribly soft and unsteady. It made you tense up, eyebrows raising. "Seriously, don't apologize. You're, uh," he released an airy chuckle, "You're really hot."

You flushed. "Huh?"

"I said, you're really hot." He repeated himself and it was apparent by his tone that he was smirking. Your cheeks burned and you almost felt like your heart stopped completely. "And I've thought that for a while too."

"You have?"

"How could I not?"

You almost felt blindsided by his words. A nervous laugh leaving you. "You've never acted like I was anything worth a second glance." You tried to hide the vague hurt that lingered in your voice, but it was harder than you thought.

You prayed that he couldn't hear it, but it was apparent he had when there was an audibly shift from his side. "I will... I will apologize for that. I will apologize for that right now." He cleared his throat. "Y/N, I'm deeply sorry for how I've acted towards you. I've always thought you were interesting, but I just, uh, there was never ample opportunity for us to talk."

"Apology accepted," only because you wanted to continue to hear his sweet voice like this. And you couldn't stay mad at him. "You're only apologizing because of those pictures, aren't you?"

"No, no, no. I've been wanting to apologize for a while."

You weren't entirely convinced. "I'm sure."

Geto chuckled. "Sure, it was definitely a motivating factor, but I've been wanting to apologize and to talk to you for a while. Satoru keeps calling me a pussy, but I can't help it when I see you. I get nervous." You furrow your brow when you hear him take in a sharp inhale of breath. "I can't lie right now, I'm really hard."

Your heart skips and you feel your cunt give an involuntary clench. "Is that so?" You uttered, your hand subconsciously ghosting over your chest. A featherlight touch that made a slight thrum of your pulse start in your core.

"Y-Yeah," Geto's voice was a breathless whisper, shaky, but still butter sweet. "I couldn't help it when I saw those pictures, y'know? Especially that one of you laying down, your tits looked amazing and I just wanted... I wanted to feel them."

Your fingers ghost over your erect nipple. In response, you gasp softly, your eyes fluttering close. "Geto..." You sigh softly, grabbing your breast.

"Ah, f..." Geto stutters. There's a shuffle on the other end, then the distinct sound of a zipper. His breath is heavy when he seemingly returns the phone next to his ear. "Are you touching yourself?"

Moving your attention to your aching cunt, you roll your fingers over your panty clad clit. "I am now." You breathed.

"Me too."

The thought of Geto stroking his cock right now while sitting on the phone with you, brought goosebumps to your skin. Enough to make your cunt pathetically clench around nothing and for you moan softly under your breath. Was he thick and heavy? Probably. You have no doubt he was endowed especially with his beauty.

As if reading your mind, he spoke, "my cock is aching for you, baby. Barely even touched myself and I'm already leaking-- you got me so worked up. I wish I was there with you so I could fill your tight cunt up." His breath is shuddering and heavy. His voice deep and smooth as he speaks into your ear. "I wanna feel you squeeze around me."

In tandem with his words, you clench around your fingers, desperately grasping around what isn't there. "Fuck me." You choked out.

There's an audible sound on the other end as if Geto's spitting, then there's a squelch, and his panting becomes harder. "And then after, I would eat you out and watch it all spill outta you." His words were slurring together as the pleasure mounted up. But you didn't care as you moaned and mewled in response to his words. "T-Then, I'd do it all over again--- Fucking... squeezing me."

It was almost surprising the noises that emitted from you and your body. Your pussy was clenching and squelching as your fingers worked endlessly and in tandem with the assumed pace Suguru has on his cock. You could feel the familiar ball in your gut tighten and the almost itching feeling in your clit heighten. The image of him burying himself deep within you, filling you up until you were spilling everywhere-- it was almost enough to send you over. You wished to feel his tongue against your clit, the kissing and the licks he place against it. To taste himself and you on his tongue..

You pressed your head back against your pillows, your back arching. "Faster, Suguru." As if he was in the room with you, as if he was the one touching you and not your fingers frantically chasing after your orgasm. "R-Right there."

"Right there? You like it there?" It appeared that Suguru was fully willing to play along with your fantasy. Maybe it was his too. His words a mere growl amongst the moans and pants between the both of you. You pictured his face flushed, his bangs sticking to his sweat covered forehead, and his eyes staring at you from heavy lids.

You wished you could see him.

You clench your teeth as your walls desperately clench and your legs shake. "I-I...I'm so close, Suguru." You resisted the urge to close your legs as the overwhelming feeling inched closer. Your abdomen and your entire body threatening to stiffen up as you came all over your fingers.

"Mm," Suguru's hum was deep, "Me too. I'm going to too."

There wasn't a moment wasted as you cursed under your breath, the familiar wave of bliss washing over your body as you sung his praises. You were barely paying attention as he grunted out your name with a long groan. Too busy with your jolting hips as your rubbed lazy circles over your aching and overstimulated clit. It was good. Just on the phone its was so good and your heart pathetically ached at the thought of this just being phone sex.

Your legs fell limply to the bed and your eyes closed. You weren't entirely sure how you were still holding onto your phone as everything felt so heavy and light at the same time. However, you could hear Suguru trying to recover on the other end.

It took his a few moments, but he finally seemed to regain himself.

"That was..." Suguru cleared his throat, sounding awkward and amused at the same time. "Five minutes... that's a little embarrassing."

"I won't judge." You said without hesitation.

He giggled. Giggled. You felt your heart sputter. "How kind." He stuttered a nervous breath and you felt it all come to a close. So much for more than phone sex. "Hey, I-I've made quite the mess, so I gotta clean up. We'll talk tomorrow before work, yeah?"

"Okay." You breathed, not at all hopeful that there'd be a conversation being had with the both of you tomorrow.

"I was serious when I said I think about you. Some lewd photos don't change that." His tone was serious but tender all the same. "Goodnight, Y/N."

"Goodnight, Suguru."

The call was dropped quickly. The phone being quickly thrown to the side as you pressed your hands against your red face. You ignored the numerous texts Shoko sent asking for updates and hoping you hadn't decided to really end yourself this time over some guy. As if some guy hadn't spent ten minutes on the phone, stroking his dick while you came with his name on your lips.

It was certainly a turn that you hadn't expected. To be pushing your fingers in yourself while Geto Suguru fucked his hand on the other end of the phone. Embarrassment would kill you tomorrow. Awkwardness would weigh over the both of you and Gojo would definitely--

Before you could continue your descent into madness, your phone vibrated again. Thinking it Shoko, you decided to open it.

Instead, it was Suguru.

It was an image attachment and, for whatever reason, you hadn't expected what it was.

It was taken from the back camera, pointing down as he laid down on what appeared to be his bed. His sweatpants were pushed down to his thighs and his softened cock was resting against his abdomen where a pool of cum was. His left hand rested right next to it, also covered in his cum. He was thicker than you imagined and definitely long. This was him soft?

Your eyes widened further as you read his message.

Geto.

Hope you keep that set around for next time x

You were so fucked.

[gazs-blue-hat]

Whumptober Day 1: “How many Fingers” (John Price X Reader)

Summary: Even the most simple of of missions never end up all that simple.

Word Count: 1,514

Tw: Canon typical violence, blood. (LMK if I missed any)

The mission was supposed to be a simple one. A regular smash-and-grab of intel that took no more than thirty minutes. Like all well-laid plans, this one went to total shit. Gunfire filled the air and the sound of explosions rocked through the air.

Your team had been forced to split up, pairing off. Ghost and Soap as a team, Gaz and Price as a team, and..yourself. You always were better alone, acting as a shadow that followed the carnage of your boys. The decision to split up caused the predicament you were in now. Pinned down by an enemy sniper that you were playing chicken with.

“Shade, how copy?” The voice of your Captain and lover flowed through your earpiece like honey through a sieve. You felt your heartbeat slowing down as if he was right next to you rather than a mile away in a different building.

“Still playing chicken sir. This bastard won’t give up.” Your words were punctuated by the harsh sound of a sniper’s bullet crashing into the wall slightly above your head. You swore as you ducked down, thanking the stars above that you were wearing a helmet. Flakes of drywall and plaster rained down on you, knocking against your helmeted head.

“You need to get out of their Shade!” Price shouted from his point at his position. You rolled your eyes and poked your head up, trying to get a glint of the enemy’s scope. No luck, as usual.

“Can’t do that sir. He’s got me pinned down here. If I move from this position, there’s no way I’m making it more than ten feet before I’m turned into mush.”

“I don’t need the visuals thank you.” He replied. You could almost imagine the look on his face. There was another shot above you, sending more debris down on you. In this cluster of debris was a large piece of sheet metal. If you were clever…you could use it as some sort of shield to get you to the next batch of cover.

“Captain, I’m about to do something stupid.” You whispered, your voice was soft, filled with all the words you wanted to tell him into it.

“Shade? Repeat your last?” Price asked. You could feel the churning in your chest, the mustering of courage. This is what you were here to do, this was your job. For better or worse, in victory or defeat. You needed to get back to Exfil.

“I’m gonna use a piece of sheet metal here as a shield. Won’t. Block a bullet but should slow it down enough to not be fatal. I’ll see you in fifteen.” You then removed the com from your ear, not needing to hear his shouting at your stupid stupid plan.

You bent down, grabbing the piece of metal and shifting it so it covered you. You used some straps from your tac vest to strap the metal to your side, kind of like a wonky turtle shell.

“I better get a medal for this. This is so MacGyver..”. You continued to grumble to yourself as you made sure the sheet metal was attached as firmly as you could. You took a deep breath and then sprinted into the open.

————-

Price was standing atop the hill that had been designated for exfil. The helicopter’s blades were whirring above and he watched with his hands on his hips at your last known location. he used his binoculars to try and find you but to no avail.

“Captain! I’ve found them!” Gas shouted from his side, pointing at a small figure huddled under a massive piece of sheet metal.

“Jesus Christ on a bike. What are they doing?!” Soap. Shouted from his sniping position in a different building. He had been trying to find the sniper that had pinned you down, to no avail. The boys watched as you used the large metal piece as a shield, taking bullet after bullet and falling apart as you scrambled your way across the battlefield.

You were almost there, almost to a point where they could provide cover fire. You were ten feet away, seven feet, five feet.

Price watched through his binoculars with horror as a single bullet pierced through the large piece of metal and slammed against your cranium.

“SHADE!”

————

You were relatively proud of your shield idea. It was working way better than you had thought it would! You felt each bullet hit the shield as it wobbled and shifted. Bits fell off as the metal grew brittle from the series of holes punched into it. You knew you were close to cover, so so very close. Until blinding pain seared through your right temple.

A bullet had found a weak spot in the metal, pierced it, and then slammed against your helmet. You felt your body shift as the momentum of the bullet forced you to the side. The piece of sheet metal fell on the top of you, and a good thing too, because if it hadn’t, you would have been completely exposed to the enemy sniper.

On the positive side, the plethora of gunshots meant a large number of muzzle flashes. Soap was able to find the sniper and eliminate them.

“Target KIA. Someone get down there to help!” He shouted into his mic. He didn’t need to say anything though, John Price was already sliding in the muck at your side, hefting the piece of metal off your side. The amount of blood was staggering.

The bullet had pierced your helmet, but you were still breathing. Your eyes were crossed and your mouth opened and closed in the muck, trying to form words. John didn’t move you, not until he was sure your neck or back wasn’t broken. Once he deemed those parts of you alight, he shifted you, sitting you up against him. And removing your helmet.

You couldn’t see, you couldn’t think. All you could sense was the warmth of blood on your face and the chill of the air. You tried to form words, try to ask what was going on, but your brain wasn’t working right.

“Uh….John…Wha?” Your voice was raspy and your eyelids fluttered. John examined the wound on your head and began speaking rapidly into hi radio. You couldn’t hear him at all, you could hardly even see the man. The only reason you knew it was John was due to the faint scent of his cigars and the aftershave he used that morning.

“We need immediate extraction! Shade is down!” Johnny’s voice

“Someone call base, get them ready. It’s a bad one.” Kyle

“Someone with a med kit get down there! Stop the bleeding!” Simon

“Love..look at me. Darling focus on me.” It was this voice that snapped your eyes forward, away from your nose. John’s figure blurred and wavered before your face but he was there. His bright blue eyes, his silly hat you thought was so cute.

“John…”. Your voice came out slurred as blood stained your teeth. You must have bitten your cheek as you fell. Why couldn’t you feel anything? Why did you feel so sick? You were cold, so so cold.

“Darling, look at me. How many fingers am I holding up?” His voice was strained, you could see tears welling in his beautiful eyes. You wanted to lift your hand to wipe them away, but it wasn’t responding. You watched as he lifted his hand, holding up some fingers. You tried to focus, you did, but you were pretty confident that John didn’t have six fingers on his hand. Did he? Could be possible. You didn’t know much anymore.

“Six….four? I dunno…” You felt a surge of weakness wash over you and you heard John shout as he shook your vest a bit.

“Stop yelling…” You slurred, wanting nothing more than to go to sleep. You could hear the whirring of the helicopters and you could smell the iron of blood. An icy realization surged through you.

You’re dying. You had been shot in the head, and you were dying. You were bleeding out in John’s arms.

“J..John..I…”. You were trying to say those words. The words you had only ever traced on his back as he slept. The words you would blink in Morse code from across the helicopter at him. You needed him. To hear you say it. before it was too late.

“No. No, no, no. You don’t say that now. You say that when I can ravage you like you deserve.” John whispered as he held your head close to his chest. You usually loved resting your head on his chest, but now you could only feel the sticky blood coating your cheek.

“John.” You didn’t hurt, it didn’t ache. You felt…safe. John looked down at your form, stress all over his face. You smiled and lifted a hand, drawing a little heart on his cheek with your blood.

“I love you.”

The world went black and the last thing you heard before you passed out was his deep reply.

“I love you too.”

[tom-is-online]

Project Sekai x Pokemon AU (base ideas)

i have brainrot heres my scraps i gots whilst i revise for my mock exams, ILL BE BACK POSTING ART SOON I PROMISE when i get more for this cuz i will cuz its living in my head ill post it and when i have enough ill make a big post with em VBS sketches for designs I have in mind for them

Sketch concepts - im also gonna be real loose with the typing of the teams its more of a theme than a set in stone type

VBS

I want VBS to be double battle experts with their partner, they have matching pokemon and everything and build their teams on each other. Trying to surpass the RAD WEEKEND Who are the best trainers in the area

NIIGO

The main basis for NIIGO is i want them to not be fighting but instead be the other areas of pokemon: Kanade = gen5's music gimmick + pokedex Mafuyu = Pokemon centre nurse (she broke the nurse joy cycle) Ena = pokemon snap and pokemon art academy. do you see the vision. Mizuki = THEYRE THE PROP MAKER FOR SHOWS. they do costumes and make props and will find weird items for you if asked

id also like to add the idea of them making a pokemon anime or mv still honestly not sure what they do as a group but that's the best i have rn :)

OTHER GROUPS I HAVE NOT DOODLED YET!!!

Leo/Need - wants to become the new elite four! they might also find some legendaries along the way

More More Jump - pokemon contests!!!

Wonderland X showtime - POKESTAR STUDIOS. if youre not aware what that is, they make films. they have robots and actors and its awesome. Rui makes the robots btw

i wanna make a ver of this with the finished ones kinda like a pokedex entry i wanna fuck around a bit with them and make ones for the other characters I want the Mikus to all have a cosplay pikachu based on this i made last year - might make my own miku designs based on voltage tho :)

+ this i made last year

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK AND IF YOU HAVE ANY OPINIONS FOR ANYTHING LMK LMAO THIS HAS FULLY TAKEN OVER MY HEAD HELP

also. if anyone has ideas for tsukasa tenma. send em my way. i cannot think of anything for that man

[talonbite4596]

This took over 20 hours to make I'm deceased... I'm glad it's done I need a break lol

Close ups on the pins under the cut!! (And some extra little notes for fun)

The formatting and graphic design could be better but, again, I just want to be done 😭 so ummm oops sorry !!

Yay yum yayaya art woooo yes !!!

More notes for fun !!

- when I say "loves animals (... not many, but still)" it means he can, has, and WILL burn squirrels alive for free entertainment, as well as shooting animals for fun... but he would also cry and feel awful if he stepped on a dog's foot... he's got favorites, basically, and does NOT hide it

- sun freckles, because why not

- kinda a dirty kid... literally the definition of "boys will be boys 🤪" where he's just always getting into the weirdest shit. You take your eyes off him for 1 second and he returns with mud all over himself and probably has a cat or something and just has the dumbest smile on his face !!! Idiot kid love him tho

- I added a gir pin because I love gir and for fun, doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense.... just roll with it !!

- made him Trans bc psychonauts as a whole is a trans allegory in my mind so, it made sense !! And because he's... 10 he hasn't done anything medical yet, just socially transitioned !! (Adding this point because some people see that and think the wrong things, like those ppl who think 4 year Olds are getting surgery and forcefully getting hormones jabbed into them. NO that's not happening)

- if he was a 2000s kid he'd like a lot of different things, like Mario and sonic games, and certain TV shows and movies (like invader zim, pokemon shows/movies, Disney stuff etc. Just general kids stuff yk?)

- sasha gave him coffee once.... he then proceeded to ramble about random things for hours while he tried to help work on things. So, he was able to focus better but won't shut UP (I'm projecting)

- he enjoys media that reminds him of himself, which is the "odd man out" type stuff, it helps him feel better about feeling like he doesn't belong bc he knows he isn't alone. It's sad but it helps him idk!!

OKAY IM DONE (for now) but yippee wow isn't that cool !!! I'm curious what yall think so lmk if u wanna !! I love hearing what Y'all think of my stuff, and I might post more headcanon type stuff later on if that's something ur interested in, honestly just send me an ask if u wanna know my hc for specific characters!!

OKAY goodbye drink water 💖

[acoraxia]

been meaning to tell you how much I genuinely love your takes, designs, and overall everything relating to the LMK series,JTTW and other related topics and shows. I'll be honest as much as I love the goofiness and silliness of the fandom, as much as I love reading the ship stuff. it's nice to also look at and indulge in content that sticks more to the original lore and focuses less on romantic relationships. not many people especially in the fandom do that so it's very grounding for me if that makes sense the shipping is fun but I have other interests, I wanna see different takes for the same character ya know? broaden my understanding of them, their thoughts, and their actions. I want a diverse list of hcs that may apply universally or be dependent on whatever personal AU is playing on repeat in my skull while I pace around my room maladaptive daydreaming with a fitting Spotify playlist.

your stuff defiantly helps that, I loved reading boy savior, and I fucking LOVE blind justice I really wanna look up more about Erlang now. I'm excited to read more of your aus, relationship dynamics, character analysis, and hell your insane ramblings. watching you go feral is an experience.

I hope you're getting some decent downtime and your health doesn't take a nosedive again. As soon as things calm down money-wise, I hope to send something other than emotional support for your work. not expecting an answer to this I just wanted to express my thoughts and thanks for the times your posts and art made my days a little less shit this year and send positive vibes back.

I actually got a physical copy of Journey to the West from a friend of mine as a christmas gift and I’ll be rereading it during a small one-week hiatus (for the sake of my health and for the sake of my mental exhaustion, LMK is good but it sucks to have no one to talk to about it because of holidays) and I remember thinking at some point if I was being too.. edgy? Or too emotionally damaging in my content

I say this and I know JTTW has moments that are traumatizingly horrifying such as SWK crying when smoke got in his eyes and reliving trauma from the furnace he was locked into for days. But, still, the fandom is so goofy and silly and has.. some takes. And I thought people wouldn’t like my content because of how different it was.

Thank you for the comment and I honestly hope you have fun with whatever AU your head lets you play around with! It’s very fun when stuff like that happens, it’s actually how I started thinking about Boy Savior.

And as I am typing this I might be a little sick again ngl but here’s to hoping for a speedy recovery

[madebyteenagefury]

have you made the house md ocs yet?

so, about that!

short answer: yes! yea i have :D

longer answer: yeaaa i did but.. making oc is always tough for me because i never seem to get attached enough to them to keep pushing through and developing them. being the only fan in a fandom where YOU have to create the source material is not really my jam haha. i have much more fun engaging with other peoples oc’s and characters from existing media.

but for you, i’ll commit to making a proper sheet for him. for now, here’s a little (very bare bones) overview of my guy!

introducing Max! he’s 33 (at the time of season one, based on my hopefully correct math of everyone else’s ages.) and an elementary teacher! he exists in the same universe as @privatehousesanatomy ‘s oc kadee. he lives in the same apartment building as her and house, which is how they become friends at first! he does graphic design on the side and while his family helped put him through school for his bachelors in elementary education he’s hoping putting himself through for a masters in graphic design. he comes from an asian background (his family is from the middle east, they immigrated in the late 70’s) and he is bilingual (i love any excuse to use my family’s language in my fandoms, an oc you can project on is the perfect way lol) he loves listening to classical music while he draws, his favorite things to draw are still life and portraits. he is an only child. a little physical description of him; he’s got chase ish length thick black wavy hair (difference between their haircuts is that max’s bangs are longer so they go down to his chin) which he usually pins back, dark brown eyes, an oval face, he’s about 5’10

here are some VERY early, on the fly sketches of him (both when i was in artblock AND i lost my sketchbook for a hot minute hence the lined paper😭double whammy)

the one on the left, those marks around max’s eye are where i erased glasses many times. originally he was going to have glasses but it’s not been set in stone, idk if i’ll keep them (yes that is wilson, i heavily referenced a @/noahdea.art drawing and ran with it, second one was just me messing around fully pulled out my ass that’s why it looks a lil jank but wtvr)

so yeah that’s kinda all i have of him! thanks for sending in that ask @former-lurker it pushed me to flesh him out just a little more. y’all pls feel free to ask me more about him and just lmk what you think!! this was actually super fun and helps/encourages me to delve into him and his world a bit more each time and who knows maybe this one will finally stick.

[monstrouslyobsessed]

been a minute since i've answered yall asks, sorry about that. been having health issues again. sighs.

tw / tags: monster fucking, snake anatomy, breeding mentions

Do you have any thoughts about slime-like monsters? I personally find monsters with… unstable??? body structure quite interesting cuz of their potential lol. Like, even of they're slow and trembling like jittery jelly, once they have grip on you – you gone, whoops. Struggling r useless, u will only get urself deeper and you can't even do a lot to escape. And bonus points if they're kinda dumb, so by acting silly and goofy they're practically gaslighting lmao —anonymous

i actually have a musing in the work about that one!! its...been in my draft forever...whoops....i'll work on that in just a bit then.

but yes!! theyre also super versatile too! imagine if you have one as a pet...its going to make a pet out of you, oho rip darling.

I wonder how the 6 arms snake god eat. Does he just shallow his prey whole? chew them? Tear them apart then eat them piece by piece? I wonder what is his favorite part of his prey, and his less favorite. I imagine that some times, he eat messy, so reader clean the blood around his mouth with a clean napkin. —anonymous

i actually kinda imagine him opening his mouth like a snake would since he's no longer a human (w a pic below). but in the beginning, when he's still merging with the snake god, he'd probably start tearing his, ah, meals apart, yeah. i actually don't think his transformation was actually completed by the time he started his initial rampage + he wouldn't have any arm when he first started out too.

oh geez i can see him being super clumsy and floppy trying to learn how to move his new body. poor thing.

his mouth would be like this, maybe with bigger fangs tho. that said, i cant find the original source now :( so if any of you know who this may be by, lmk so i can link the artist!!

Hey-hey! Have you read Mieruko-chan by any chance? Maybe it's only me, but i find designs for ghosts from here rlly cool and some chapters can give some pretty cool concepts/ideas.

Gl on ur day! ✨ —anonymous

i actually have been keeping up with it! poor mc, she's trying her best...I'm crushing on the yandere tentacled head lady atm lol

☆ Put this star into the inbox of your favourite blogs. It's time to spread positivity! 💖 — @berrychan03

dawwww <3 thank you!!! i'll be sure to spread them around~!

Your Jaguar Trube story is really good! I like it. Are you going to make the part 2 for it? —anonymous

im actually kinda stumped on how to continue this one mainly because of the breeding kink being the primary focus and the reader initially being gn. i feel iffy doing this to my fellow gn readers as well, as i don't wish to exclude them and i don't think im that good of a writer to pull off a gn smut.

i could just do two versions tbh because its a little different between if the reader is afab and if they're amab.

if afab, theyre actually kinda in for some bad time because there's so many males around, possibly around 30 to even 50, and there's a lot of dp to go around because they're sharing them.

if amab, there's not many females around at all, maybe around 4 young adult ones (with the rest being old ladies), though that's not to say the males wouldn't touch them because they def would though lol but i kinda imagined that being amab they wouldn't be in too high of demand and would be given breaks. plus, they don't have to worry about getting pregnant.

i'll take feedback regarding this matter though, so lmk your thoughts on how i should proceed!

anyhoo, gonna try and work on couple overdue commissions i got, but in the meanwhile, feel free to send in whatever (that is currently open lol) love ya bunches!

[screamingay]

Do you have any OCs? feel free to talk about them if you do What was the first piece of media you engaged with on the internet? Are you still interested in it? What's something you made or did that you're proud of? What's something that made you smile this month?

ooh this is so fun tysm!!!

i do have some ocs! ive been working on them on and off since high school and i still dont have an overarching story or anything for them but i'll go over the basics if anyone's interested o.o

the basic premise is a group of friends who start a band called good question, but ive always considered the main couple of this universe to be renee and pj (who i just renamed a minute ago dont worry abt it) even tho they aren't really in the band. the band is made up of alysha on lead guitar and vocals, juan on drums, and anis on bass, with meg as a roadie and sati as their social media manager (and also regular manager). calypso is the newest addition to the group, they're the youngest and im not entirely sure how they'll fit in but i think they're just gonna be a younger college student or something. ive sketched and drawn everyone in the group, some more than others, but i'm still really working on their designs and physical & personality traits and backgrounds and all that. i know that pj likes anime and sati & anis are exes and alysha is an amputee and renee is jewish and all kinds of stuff but i haven't really fleshed them out as much as i want to eventually. lmk if ur interested in hearing more abt them bc it would definitely encourage me to work on them more hehe

i dont really remember what my first internet media was, but i feel like it mostly started with youtube and stuff like charlie the unicorn. my first fandoms were book series, the hunger games and hp and the mortal instruments and all that, and im absolutely not into most of it anymore except the hunger games i still think they're brilliant

i'm definitely proud of some of the stuff ive made! i havent been working on my skills as much lately but my gf has been inspiring me bc i love drawing her body <33 so other than those drawings of her in my top posts rn and that taz comic i did a while ago i like these too

lots of things make me smile!! getting this ask made me smile! also harper got her first tattoo and it happened to have my lucky number in it and my cat is so cute so im happy every time i get to see him and i saw the sun set on bare trees in front of dark clouds a few days ago which is one of my favorite things to take pictures of <3

thank u again for all this!! i love sharing things abt myself and idk if this was like a chain or what but i might send it along to someone else anyway bc it's so nice ty

[ruethedaytumbles]

Valorant Headcanons I think about a little too often

I’ve been dead awhile, allow me to briefly send something before I die off again. Some of these may not be original, but some of these are one I came up with right off the bat, so. -Brimstone and Sage knew each other before Kingdom Corporation and often hung out often, so Sage is almost a mother-Figure in Killjoy’s life.  This is also why Sage would be second in command if Brimstone were ever to die. -Cypher tags the Agents with his Spycam Darts just to tease them. -On one of the Agent’s first missions (Doesn’t matter who,) they nearly messed up with defusing the spike.  So the Protocol has now made it strictly aware that said agent is allowed nowhere near the spike during defusal. -The Valorant Agents keep their relationships a secret, but the ones who are partners have each other’s gunbuddies attached to their favorite gun/melee, as a sign of compassion and Romance. -Both Raze and Killjoy steal parts from each other’s labs, but neither of them knows that the other does it.  And they both blame it on Cypher, even though he’s never touched a single thing from their labs.  (Raze just steals from Killjoy’s and Cypher’s labs though.) -Despite the clear rivalry the two have, Breach and Brimstone are best buddies in combat, always able to cover each other’s backs.  Sometimes, they even enjoy it.  But once they’re off the battlefield, it’s back to trash-talk and absolute despising of one another. -Before missions, everybody places bets on who’s going to top Frag.  The winner gets Bragging rights until the next mission, when bets are placed again. (Bonus if a specific agent has a streak for best betting.) -Omen knits mittens, Scarves, and Headwarmers for the agents who go on missions to Icebox.  Then prepares Hot Chocolate for them all when they get back. -Raze created all the Agent Spotify Playlists -Killjoy designed the Gun Finishers and collaborated with Raze to create the music for the latest ZEDD Skins -Raze makes all the sprays for the agents.  Graffiti is one of her hobbies. -Viper would never admit to it, but she views most, if not, all the agents as if to be her own children.  While, that may seem a little harsh, knowing her personality, she’s got a soft side that is scarcely shown but has been seen before.  She could complain all she wants about how she “can’t stand all this youth,” but deep inside, she knows she cares for them all.  That doesn’t mean she lets herself get close to them though. -Viper definitely has trust/abandonment issues.  This mostly focuses on her voice lines like “I will not lose my home again!” and “Let’s take from them what they took from me; Everything.”  Which is why Sabine has resorted to bitterness and sadism to avoid attachment to anything she could lose.  And, hence, why she doesn’t allow herself to get close to the agents despite how she views them.

-Sova actually loves Frozen/Frozen 2, which is where the line “Come, into the Unknown,” came from.  Of course, the agents mock him for this, but he could care less. -Sage is a fervid self-trainer (hope I used that word correctly,) and if she’s not out and about, you can definitely find her in the Range, practicing.  She’s devoted to being better and stronger than she was before, ever since she apparently failed Sabine.  Though, this can lead to restless days of endless training.  Despite the animosity Sabine has towards the woman, she’s the only one who can talk her down from these ruthless sessions.  -Phoenix and Jett are close friends and an even better duo in combat.  So much better, in fact, that they come up with strategies on the fly. One consisting of Phoenix raising a firewall, and Jett using her wind abilities to blow the flames out of proportion. -Raze is absolutely devoted to bringing out the jovial side in everyone.  And she knows exactly how to do it.  This is also why you’ll see her try to cheer up Viper in her voice lines.  (“Viper, you Gotta let loose!  Let’s go out after this.  Girls night...Woop-Woop!”) -Skye has regular lessons with the protocol about woodworking and carpentry, as it is a common hobby for her that she is convinced will help with everyone.  She also claims it to be “therapeutic,” despite almost every time, at least one person has whined about getting a splinter or two.  (Voice Line: “Remember everyone, if we survive, woodworking class tonight in the mess hall. Nimble hands, nimble minds...") -Somewhat similar to Viper, Yoru was humiliated sometime in his past time.  Leading him to be not only self-involved all the time, but determined that he must be the best, and “Never show weakness; ever.”  Of course, anyone he cares about (Skye, Sova, Phoenix, Etc.) can snap him out of this mindset.  Yoru can also be quite protective of this universe that he’s chosen to reside in. That’s all for now.  I don’t mind if people take inspiration or even use these Headcanons.  Though, I would prefer, if you do use an original headcanon, that you not claim it as if to be your own.  I didn’t spend time in school dazing away for nothing after all. Btw I’m writing a Valorant Reader Insert lmk if you’re interested [insert eye emoji]

[thepavementsings]

i am also desperate for more charles/pierre and lando/carlos fic so if YOU have any recs.... pls drop them!!

Hello Anon! Thank you for this ask because I do not write fic but I DO read them. This got so long so I will start with Pierre/Charles and please send me another ask and I will do Carlando under that I provide for you you provide for me MWAH.

This is NOT extensive but some of my favourites here. If any of you have recs not on here PLEASE either send me an ask or send me a message either! Ofc if anyone wants theirs taken off the list please lmk

None of this will be coherent sorry in advance but Under the Cut:

Listen. These first two. I know you’ve read these. But it gives me a chance to gush about them here. Read them. Read them again. Comment on them. Anyways, Bye.

Indentation in the shape of you by @baking-soda

There is zero chance you follow this blog for whatever reason and you have not read this fic. The most beautiful aching story about love and trust and trauma and Pierre as a p*ssy monster on full display. Am I supposed to try and sell you on these in this fic rec? We should literally be paying to read this but dr. Baking-soda is too gracious.

Your dream and your teeth by @yekoc

I think this is the Pierre/Charles fic I’ve read the most? It’s insanely sexy and it’s a really fascinating look at how love is about understanding and compromise and acceptance. The characterizations in this are everything to me, and I think it subverts some of the typical expectations for their dynamic in a way that is really interesting and fresh and impeccably done. Friends to lovers done right.

I started this and then realized it’s gonna be me telling you to read all of Yekoc’s fics on Pierre/Charles so the next 3 are one run-on sentence for each of the others you're welcome:

Careful Design - when I tell you I am the most OTP bitch to ever OTP bitch but this is Seb/Charles/Pierre ENDGAME Pierre/Charles and I will never read a triple pairing again because nothing will ever live up to this.

The Pull of You - PHONE SEX. but it’s complex and layered and it makes you THINK about every line you have to read it at least 3 times to get all the genius little things packed into 3K

The Bells That Can Still Ring - The newest masterpiece it is Post-WW1 AU, it is everything, as a reader you care so much about both of their journeys please go read it and comment on it because I actually can’t even form a coherent sentence about this one I cry everytime I try

This is New by @radiocheck

I…. love this story. The tension of ‘will they won’t they’ throughout is just enough to be satiated in the chapter but keep you on your toes for what is inevitably coming later. I also think this is my favourite fic that highlights the real friendship that is at the heart of these two. It made me smile so much.

Did You Know? by Kiwialicat

This is a gorgeous take on how trauma and love coincide in a relationship. It does mention the death of real life people so please heed the tags, but it’s really to me about kindness and care.

raspberry spring, iris heaven by distressedgremlin

An older one but so so good. They’re on vacation and Charles wears dresses and it makes you feel raw with it. It’s vulnerability and knowing someone and being known and it's gorgeous.

If I were proper, I’d have a chance: not with you but with somebody else by ShiwiSins (IetjeSiobhan)

A/B/O Sauber!Charles. I rarely recc A/B/O because I am very specific with the way I enjoy it written. It took writers I really trust delving into it for me to start even opening it as a tag. but this is a fun one, it’s really sweet, and I think it’s a fun exploration of a more youthful version of their characters

Your little ribs around me by Anon

Firstly this is my favourite title for a Pierre/Charles fic ever because it feels so much like them? I dont know how to explain it but the familiarity and protectiveness but the slight constriction of it feels very fitting. Anyways. The fic itself is also just. The intimacy and the character depth and the emotional history that is packed into just under 2k of writing is incredibly impressive.

Stars grew pale by poolside

Monza-versary blindfolds. That should be enough for you to read this. The familiarity between the two of them, how Charles is so observant that it makes the reader more observant, even with blindfolds. Really just a smart and enjoyable fic. Read all of poolside’s fics for Pierre/Charles basically but this is my favourite :)

darkest little paradise by @restacks

Post Monza 2020 blow job. It’s hot and it’s needy and a little desperate. I love how each of them give and take what they need in it. This Charles is also so interesting.

leave everything unsaid by withfeathers

this one is a really beautiful look into their relationship with grief, both individually and for each other. It also features Pierre’s fingers in Charles’ mouth which is my favourite visual for them in all fic, but particularly in a non-sexual context. 

ADDED 

Of Mute Swans and Nests by @pierregasiy

Ballet AU!! This is my COMFORT FIC and I know it is many others’ too. I did ballet as a kid and the AU here is so richly curated and nostalgic to me. The attention to detail, the way the characters are have so clearly carved out their own spaces in this world, the development of this pack of kind of misfits that you so badly want to root for, UGH. MWah. Even though it deals with a lot of angst it’s also FUNNY. The slow burn is rewarding because it doesn’t get too bogged down by it’s own circumstances, which is really refreshing. Thank god it is back up so you all can read it and go write nice comments. 

There’s more I KNOW i’m missing, also some that are currently out on a little break but when they are brought back WILL be added to this. And to all the fic authors, thank you thank you. This is my favourite f1 pairing and everytime I see a new wonderful story with them it makes me feel so grateful. Happy reading everyone :)

[tobesolonely]

muse

A/n: hello everyone!! im very excited to put this out :-) i was going to make a long one shot but ive never written anything multi-part before and i wanted to give it a go!! also my first time with an oc 🌟so i hope everyone enjoys!! not sure when the next part will come out but i wanna upload at least once a week or every two weeks or something idk haha but anywayssss lmk ur thoughts!

biggest, biggest thank u to my love @harryysstyless​ for beta reading and being so encouraging<333 luv u!!

photographer oc x harry styles

please let me know your thoughts on miss aminah, iman, serena, and harry!

my ko-fi! thank you :)

Los Angeles was your newest muse.

You had always been the spontaneous type. It came as no shock to your family and friends when you told them you had purchased a one-way ticket and were moving across the country. Although your parents weren’t too keen on the idea of their daughter moving so far away from them, they helped you withdraw your savings and find a modest apartment in LA before sending you on your way.

Your reason for moving to LA was simple, really. You were a freelance photographer that felt your career was growing rather… stagnant. You had a thick portfolio and were proud of the work you produced, but your clientele wasn’t as impressive as you’d hope it would be after nearly six years of working at it.

And so began your desire to move from New York to Los Angeles— one big city to the next.

People who knew you often described you as ambitious, fiery, and an absolute go-getter. If your big move scared you in any way, no one knew any better. Your confidence never faltered— not even in the slightest.

After nearly three months of being in LA, you developed a routine of sorts. You’d wake up, eat a breakfast that almost always consisted of avocado toast and coffee, and go on a run. After your run, you would come home, shower, and decide how far you wanted to venture to take pictures that day.

Sometimes your roommates, Serena and Iman, would join you to keep you company. Although you’d never met either one of them before answering their ad for a roommate on Craigslist, you had grown extremely close to the girls in the few months that you’d known them. Despite the two girls being friends since their childhood, they never made you feel left out, and you fit in with them effortlessly.

During your short time in the city, there were so many places you had been, but still, even more you had yet to see. Serena and Iman, both native Angelenos, would often suggest spots for you to check out and even offer to drive you around— you were from New York after all, and at twenty-four years old, you were still not the owner of a driver's license.

“You’ve never been to North Hollywood yet, right Aminah?” Iman questioned as you all lounged around, trying to come up with a place you had not yet been.

“No, I haven’t really gone anywhere farther than walking distance,” you reply, looking around the cramped living room for your camera bag. “Or the places you guys have driven me. That was still considered Downtown though, right? Where we went the other day?” You were still getting used to how absolutely massive Los Angeles was.

“We should go to Santa Monica or something— wait, Malibu!” Serena exclaims. “We have to go to Malibu, Mina. It’s so nice there, you could totally get a bunch of good shots.”

“Yeah, we might even see a celebrity!” Iman chimes in, stifling laughter.

It was an on-going joke between the three of you. When you first moved to LA, you told your roommates that you couldn’t wait to make your way around the city because you were hoping to run into a celebrity. It was Los Angeles after all— you figured they were everywhere.

You quickly learned that wasn’t the case. Celebrities here kept a low-profile and even if you did encounter a celebrity, it’s not like you would approach them. “You’re not funny, Iman,” you tell your roommate with a roll of your eyes.

“Yes I am,” Iman quips, wiggling her eyebrows. “If we’re gonna go to Malibu then I gotta change. Can I borrow a cute shirt from anyone?”

A short twenty minutes later, the three of you were piled in Serena’s car on your way to Malibu. You’d heard of the city before and knew it was a wealthy area, but that’s about it. Your roommates promised you that out of all the beaches in LA, Malibu had the nicest ones, and lots of places to take pictures. Since none of you had anything to do, you all decided it was as good a day as any to have a beach day and get some shots of your roommates to add to your portfolio. Since you didn’t know anyone except Serena and Iman, the pictures on your camera from the last few months consisted entirely of nature and inanimate objects. While it was good practice, you really preferred to photograph actual people.

“Traffic is so bad today,” you say from the backseat after traveling approximately two feet in five minutes. Iman snorts from the passenger side.

“When isn’t traffic bad, Mina,” she turns to look at you, an amused look on her face. “Don’t worry about it. It always gets backed up at this fuckin’ exit and then as soon as we get past it there’s like, zero traffic.”

“Right! I always complain about how shitty this exit is. I have no clue who designed it,” Serena adds, skipping through songs on her playlist. “It’s still early in the day, though. I’m just hoping the beach won’t be too crowded by the time we get there.”

“I don’t care how crowded the beach is. I just don’t want it to take us forty minutes to find parking…”

You tune out your roommate's voices, instead choosing to focus on the traffic jam outside the car. To Serena and Iman, people who were born and raised in Los Angeles, the city wasn’t necessarily anything special. Sure, they loved how there was always something to do, but the bad drivers, traffic, and smog got old. The novelty of LA hadn’t yet worn off to you, though. You didn’t know how your roommates were content to sit inside the apartment all day when there were tons of things to do basically right outside your doorstep. You felt like you were the one convincing them to go out with you half of the time, and you didn’t even know where you were going.

After what feels like almost entirely too long but was really only half an hour, Serena pulls into a fairly empty parking lot. “Are we not allowed to be here?”

“Why do you think that?” Iman asks, squinting her eyes to read a sign. “It doesn’t say it’s closed. I mean, there are a few cars–– look.” She points to a few cars scattered around the parking lot.

“I mean, it is nine in the morning on a Wednesday. People are probably at work,” you tell the two girls in the front seat. “Besides, there’s someone in the parking booth. Can you even close a beach?”

Serena drives forward, rolling down her window. “I mean, I guess not. You can close the parking lot, though.” You hum in agreement. She quickly pays for parking and tosses her receipt on the dashboard before driving slowly through the parking lot.

“I love when no one’s at the beach,” Iman sighs, clapping her hands. “No one will get in the way of your picture-taking either, Meens.”

You smile at the nickname. “Yeah, that’s true. We picked a perfect time to come too, guys. The lighting’s great.”

“Really? Is it gonna make my skin pop?” Iman turns around and sticks her arm out, sensually running her fingers along it.

“You always look good no matter what the lighting’s like, Iman,” you reply, refraining from rolling your eyes at her. “You have the glowiest complexion out of all of us.”

“We’re literally all the same skin-tone, Aminah,” she retorts, crossing her arms.

“We have different undertones, though,” you answer. “So not really. Plus, Serena is way lighter than us! What are you talking about?”

“Should I park here?” Serena asks, interrupting your conversation.

“Why here? All these empty spots and you wanna park directly next to this car?”

“This is a good spot, Iman. It’s a parking lot. If they didn’t want anyone to park next to them, they should’ve taken an Uber and got dropped off.” She turns into the spot, quickly putting the car in park and crossing her arms to prove her point.

You unbuckle your seatbelt, smiling at your friends’ bickering. They were so close they were basically sisters. They argued sometimes and were quick to call the other out on their shit, and you loved it.

“I just think you’re weird for parking next to this car. It’s a nice car.”

“Who cares, girl?” Serena groans, exasperated. “We’re gonna be on the beach. They’ll probably be gone before we will.” She pops the trunk before unplugging her phone from the aux cord and stepping outside. Iman mimics her before flinging the door open as well and stepping out of the car.

You make sure your camera bag is closed all the way before situating it over your shoulder and climbing out of the car as well.

“It’s kinda cold,” Iman says, wrapping her arms around her body. “If I knew it would be so overcast I would’ve bought a jacket.” Serena hums in agreement and you look up at the sky, unphased.

“It’s like, seventy degrees?” you look at the weather app on your phone in confirmation.

“We get it, Meens. You’re from New York,” Serena teases, closing her trunk. She hands you a few towels and a blanket to carry while she rolls the cooler and Iman carries the beach chairs and umbrella.

“It’s a cold seventy degrees and you know it,” Iman defends. “Look at my goosebumps. I can’t fake this shit.” You shake your head at your overly dramatic friends and follow them down to the beach. You take off your sandals as soon as you’re off the pavement, wiggling your toes in the cold sand.

“We can set up pretty much wherever we want,” Serena points out, tucking flyaway curls behind her ears. “Where do you think the best place to be is, Mina? Y’know, so you can get good pictures?”

“It doesn’t really matter, to be honest,” you tell them distractedly, too busy looking around the beach in awe. Your friends were right–– out of all the beaches you’d visited in Los Angeles so far, this one was the nicest (and cleanest). “Maybe we can get a little closer to the water?”

The three of you walk for a couple of minutes before Iman abruptly stops, dramatically dropping everything she was carrying. “Let’s just set up here. There’s no one around anyway, it doesn’t matter.”

“There actually is someone around,” you tell them, looking at a stranger who seemed to be fixated on staring at you and your friends. “Don’t look, but a cute guy is staring at us.” Serena and Iman immediately turn around, shading their eyes from the bit of sun that was starting to peek through the clouds. The guy couldn’t have been more than twenty yards away from where you were setting up.

...“Huh,” Serena says, turning back around. “Is it just me, or does that guy look a lot like Harry Styles?” She looks back over her shoulder again, but he’s no longer staring at the three of you, focusing on what appeared to be a book instead.

“Why would Harry Styles be at the beach by himself at nine in the morning?” Iman asks, unfolding a beach chair and flopping down on it.

“Why wouldn’t he? It’s Malibu, dude,” Serena responds. You could tell your friends were about to start bickering again, so you quickly jump in.

“Doesn’t matter. Neither one of you would go up to him even if it was, so what’s the point in arguing about it?” They both raise their eyebrows at you.

“And you would, Mina? Bullshit!” Iman exclaims, laughing. “I dare you to go see if it’s him, and if it is, ask him if he wants to join us.”

“That’s weird! What if it’s not him?”

“Even if it’s not him, we’ll still get to hang out with a cute boy.” Iman points out. Serena nods in agreement and you can’t deny that she makes a convincing argument. “Just ask him if he wants a mimosa or something!”

“No, don’t ask that,” Serena interjects. “Tell him that you’re a photographer and you’re working on building a new portfolio. Ask him if he would be cool with you photographing him.”

You narrow your eyes at her. “Are you sure that’s not weird, Serena?”

“Aminah, trust me. I wouldn’t deliberately let you make yourself look weird.” Your roommate reassures you.

And so you found yourself clearing the short distance to where the handsome stranger was laid, half hoping it was Harry Styles, half hoping it was not. You couldn’t act like you weren’t a fan of him–– you thought he was incredibly attractive and enjoyed his music just like most people. If Harry Styles was the first celebrity you encountered during your short time in Los Angeles, you‘d never stop talking about it. Ever.

When you’re almost to him he looks up, dog-earring the page he’s on. After making eye contact with him, there’s no mistaking that this is Harry Styles. You pinch the back of your hand, urging yourself not to freak out. He has a knowing look on his face and you’re grateful for your darker complexion that hides your blush.

“Hi,” you speak first, stopping a few feet away from him. “Uh, my friends and I are just uh, we’re... you know.” You internally wince at your inability to form a coherent sentence. His gaze never breaks from yours and you look away first, growing shyer by the second. If you thought he was beautiful on Instagram, he was even more gorgeous in person. It was incredible.

“Hi,” he finally says after a brief moment of silence. “‘M sorry if I was starin’ at you ladies a moment ago. I jus’ usually never see anyone else this early out here. Are you a photographer?”

You almost ask him how he knows when you realize your camera is still hanging around your neck. “Oh, yeah. Yeah, I am.” He’s still staring intently at you.

“Would you like to sit?”

You look over your shoulder at Serena and Iman who were pretending to be preoccupied putting on sunscreen, but you know they were waiting for you to come back with the man you now knew to be Harry Styles.

“Oh, my friends are waiting for me,” Harry looks up at you patiently, waiting for you to continue speaking. “I was actually going to photograph them. I’m working on building up my portfolio. I understand if you can’t for… I dunno, legal reasons? Or if you just don’t want to–– and that’s fine if you don’t, but would it be okay if I photographed you as well?”

“That actually sounds like a lot of fun. It’s kinda boring jus’ readin’ out here on my own,” he agrees quickly, surprising you. Harry stands up and stretches a bit before leaning down to gather up his blanket, towel, water bottle, and book. “What’s your name? I’m Harry.”

You know that Harry knows that you know exactly who he is, but the fact that he introduced himself to you makes him even more endearing. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Aminah.”

Harry extends his free hand to you. “It’s very nice to meet you, Aminah.” You love the way your name sounds coming out of his mouth.

As you approach Serena and Iman, their eyes go wide when they realize it really was him. Serena nudges Iman and you know without even having heard it that she’s saying, “I told you so!” Harry stops a bit behind you, smiling at them.

“Hello,” he starts. “S’okay if I join you ladies? Aminah here extended such a nice offer that I jus’ couldn’t pass it up, but wanna check with the two of you first.”

Serena’s mouth is shamelessly hanging open, and you realize that she may have been a bigger fan than she let on. Iman answers for them. “Of course! Mina’s building her portfolio and I bet it would look like, super cool, if you were a part of it!” Harry nods, setting the few things he had with him down.

“I don’t think I would even be the center of attention if ‘m sittin’ beside you beautiful ladies. I’ll jus’ act as a prop or something,” he flashes them a dimpled smile. “If you don’t mind me asking, what are your names? I’m Harry.”

“We know,” Iman answers a little too quickly. “I’m Iman and this is Serena.” Serena gives him a timid wave.

“Well, it’s very nice to meet you all. Are you guys from around here?” He lays his blanket beside all of your stuff and sits down cross-legged, not once breaking eye contact with any of you. You had no idea how he did it.

“We live Downtown. We’re only over here so Mina could get some good pictures, she’s a photographer,” Iman answers proudly. “She’s amazing, but she’ll never admit it.”

“Iman…,” you trail off. “Stop, dude.”

“It’s true,” Serena jumps into the conversation, now seemingly over the initial shock of who was sitting barely two feet away from her. “She’s the best photographer I know.” Harry turns to look at you, an amused look on his face.

“That’s a hefty claim. I can’t wait to see your photography skills, Aminah.”

“They’re just hyping me up,” you reply, making a mental note to yell at your friends for embarrassing you once the three of you were alone again. “I’m not that good.”

“That looks pretty professional to me,” Harry says, gesturing to the camera that has not yet left your neck since arriving at the beach. “I bet you’re just as good as they say you are.” You look away, hiding your face. Iman, being the wing woman she is, can tell you’re growing flustered from all the attention and moves the conversation away from you.

“Do any of y’all want a mimosa?” Before anyone can even answer her, she’s popping open the champagne and handing the orange juice to Serena to open. Harry politely declines, as he drove himself to the beach that morning. You and Iman are ultimately the only ones who indulge in a drink since you were the only ones not driving.

Talking to Harry was like catching up with an old friend. He wanted to know everything about the three of you and whenever he felt the conversation was becoming too much about him, he quickly changed the subject. Harry learned that Iman and Serena have been friends since the second grade when Iman pushed some boy off of the monkey bars for teasing Serena. He learned your favorite take-out spots, your favorite bars, and what freeways Iman and Serena tried to avoid at all cost (it was the 405, which he agreed with). What seemed to intrigue Harry the most, though, was him learning that you just moved from New York and had never even been to Los Angeles before moving.

“Why did you pick somewhere all the way across the country that you’d never even vacationed at before?” He had a look of confusion written across his face. You shrug, not really knowing the answer.

“I mean, I’ve seen it on TV shows and in movies. That doesn’t count?” you joke. Harry still looks utterly bewildered.

“I mean… no?”

Serena laughs. “We were just as confused as you were, Harry. We were scared for a moment when she moved in because we were like, oh shit, what if she’s insane? You know? Like, what sane person would move all the way across the country to live somewhere they’d never even vacationed before?”

You let out an offended, “heyyyy”, lightly smacking Serena’s thigh. “I just needed a change and I’m a drastic person! I either go all-in when I do something, or I just don’t do it at all.” You defend yourself.

“I actually think that’s really fuckin’ cool,” Harry says after a moment. “Sometimes I wish I could just… up an’ go. Y’know?” you all nod, and it falls silent again. “Well, should we take some pictures now?”

Any intimidation you felt to photograph Harry disappeared as soon as he started posing for you.

Being that he was a major celebrity, he was no stranger to posing for a photoshoot. Harry was ethereal–– you knew the pictures of him would most likely require minimal to no editing. Serena and Iman also looked incredible, and you were thankful to have such gorgeous people as your muses. You were taking pictures of them in various places around the beach, only stopping once it started getting too crowded. There were starting to be too many people in the background of your shots and Harry wanted to get going, not particularly in the mood to be recognized. The three of you decide you should get going too. You had more than enough pictures to go through and besides, you were all starting to grow hungry.

Harry follows the three of you to the parking lot, keeping his head down the entire way. The closer you got to Serena’s car, the sadder you got. You didn’t want to stop talking to Harry and photographing him. However, you knew you were just in the right place at the right time, and it was likely that you’d never cross paths with him any time soon–– if ever again.

“Thank you for letting me photograph you,” you tell him sincerely once you were almost to Serena’s car. “That was really kind of you. I can promise you I won’t post them anywhere without your permission or like, disclose the location or anything like that.”

Harry finally looks up, determining you were far enough away from the crowds and he was no longer at risk of getting recognized. “It was my pleasure, really. Thank you for inviting me to hang out with you and your friends. It was a lot of fun getting to know you all.” You feel your body heat up.

“Where did you park?”

“Right there,” Harry points straight ahead. “You?”

You let out a loud laugh, causing Serena and Iman, who was walking slightly ahead of you and Harry, to turn around and look at the two of you. “We parked right next to you! Iman was getting on Serena for parking next to you because the lot was pretty much empty when we got here this morning.”

Harry lets out a breathy chuckle. “I guess it’s fate that we crossed paths then, yeah?” You let out a quiet hum in agreement, stopping a few feet in front of Serena’s car. You hear her and Iman debating on where you should stop for lunch, but you were waiting to see what Harry would say next.

“Aminah? After you get a chance to look at those pictures, do you think you can send them to my manager? His name’s Jeff. I’d love to see how they come out.”

“Oh yeah, of course! Do you have his business card or something?” You were excited that Harry actually cared to see your work but based on the couple of hours you spent interacting with him, you learned he was just an overall insanely kind person.

“I can jus’ put his contact info in your phone? If you don’t mind,” his gaze falters, a sheepish look on his face.

“Totally! Let me just unlock my phone,” you dig in the pocket of your shorts, pulling your phone out and unlocking it with your face. You hand it over to him and while he’s looking down typing you glance over at your roommates who had shocked looks on their faces. You would explain to them later that he wasn’t giving you his number, just his managers, but for now, you’d let them think he was giving his number to you out of all people–– a total stranger.

Harry hands it back to you a few moments later, running his fingers through his hair. “Thank you again for such a great morning, Aminah. I’ll let you get goin’, don’t wanna hold you ladies up any longer,” he waves at Serena and Iman. “It was really nice to meet all of you. Hope to see you all again soon.” You notice that his gaze lingers on you for a moment when he says that, and you feel your body heat up for what must have been at least the tenth time that day.

The three of you watch as Harry unlocks his car and throws his items haphazardly into the passenger side before climbing in, slamming the door shut. His car starts immediately afterwards and he gives you a quick nod before quickly backing out of the spot, leaving. None of you say anything for a bit, just processing what just happened. Serena is the first one to speak, her hand on the handle of her car door.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Harry fucking Styles?” her voice raises at least two octaves and you know she’s about to have a mini freakout. “Did he ask for your number, Meens?”

“No dude, he just gave me his manager's number. He wants to see how the pictures come out after I edit them,” you tell her, opening the backseat of her car. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Uh, that’s definitely a big deal, Aminah. Stop being so humble,” Iman tells you, exaggerated annoyance lacing her voice. “Did you see how he looked at you? When he said, ‘Hope to see you all again soon’?” She puts on a terrible posh accent.

“You’re so annoying,” you groan, shaking out the blanket and beach towels before throwing them onto the seat. “Where are we gonna eat?”

Iman and Serena pile into the car as well, telling you about the three restaurants they were stuck choosing between. You hum distractedly, typing the name ‘Jeff’ into your contacts to see if Harry left a number and an email, or just an email. Your brows furrowed in confusion when you see the name is nowhere to be found in your contact list. You chalk up the mistake to Harry just forgetting to press ‘save’ after creating the contact and figure you can just find his manager’s contact information on the internet somewhere. As you’re scrolling back up through your contact list, your eye lands on a name that makes your breath hitch in your throat.

Harry Styles.

[erythristicbones]

sorta-emergency commissions/ko-fi doodles?

hey so im a mentally ill adult who doesn't have a real job and i have less than $15 in my bank rn + doc appointments at the end of the month i need to pay for. i feel bad calling it an emergency tho bc my bday is in a week or so (so i might recieve bday money) and ive got a really good shot at a job ive been applying for- but the people who run the interviews are busy all month and i won't be able to (possibly) get hired until October. so like ive got opportunities that might help, but it still doesn't change the fact that ive got next to nothing rn

so! if you buy me a Ko-fi and lmk who you are here on tumblr, then send me a ref of your oc (in the dms of any of my blogs) i'll do a doodle of them! probably just headshots/busts unless you donate more. and my regular commissions are open + the info is here!

i also have Pokemon designs for sale here on my toyhouse + will probs throw some more in there when I get the chance

any lil bit helps and reblogs/boosts are greatly appreciated too ;u;

[charliemotha]

behold! i didn't see any otgw icebergs, so i made my own :)

if you think i should add something, lmk!!

Explanations under cut :)

First layer:

▪︎Beast!Wirt au - very popular au in which Wirt stays in the Unknown, possessed by the Beast to some extent.

▪︎Bad End Friends - Crossover AU of Beast!Wirt teaming up with Ice Finn from Adventure Time and Bipper from Gravity Falls; sometimes other 'bad end' au characters are thrown in such as a glitched Gumball from TAWOG

▪︎Irl Copies of the For Sara tape - Limited copies of the For Sara tape were sold at two points. They have yet to sell for a third time. (🤞🤞🤞)

▪︎Tome of the Unknown (pilot) - The Pilot of the series. Can be watched on YouTube.

▪︎Wirt Staying in the Unknown - In a scrapped ending, Wirt was to stay in the Unknown, saying that facing your real problems was scarier than staying there.

▪︎Mystery Kids - Crossover AU with other child-late teens aged characters from sources based on mysterious and supernatural themes such as Gravity Falls and Psychonauts.

▪︎Quincy Endicott's grave - Quincy's grave can be seen in the graveyard that Sara and the others are hanging out in.

▪︎Original Beatrice Voice Actress - Beatrice had a different VA in the pilot, Natasha Leggero. Melanie Lynskey voices her in the actual series.

▪︎The Woodsman's Daughter is Named Anna - The comics have several issues focused on his daughter, in which her name is revealed to be Anna.

▪︎Jason Funderburker's Ax Murderer Story - At the gathering in the graveyard, Funderburker is telling a story about a man with an ax; this story is believed to have influenced the existence of the Woodsman.

▪︎Full Versions of Songs in the OST - A handful of the songs are cut down for their appearances in the series and can only be heard in full on the OST. The most notable example is Old Black Train , which is actually 2 minutes and 15 seconds long, but is only in the series for about 15-20 seconds.

Second Layer:

▪︎Sara is named after the Fleetwood Mac song - Listen to it here :) it is notable that it includes lyrics about "drowning in a sea of love" and that Sara is "the poet of [the singer's] heart."

▪︎OTGW Reanimated - a reanimated project for the first episode. Got taken off of YouTube, but can be viewed on Dailymotion.

▪︎Baby Wirt Audio - In the For Sara cassette, there is a small section of audio that can be heard in about the middle of the recording of Wirt's father talking to him as a baby.

▪︎Funderburker/Funderberker - The two Jasons's surnames are spelled slightly differently to avoid confusion.

▪︎The Brothers Never Ate or Needed to Rest - Although Greg expressed being hungry, neither of the boys actually ate anything (outside of one spoonful of bland potatoes and inedible items such as dirt and leaves) and never laid down to rest, only sleeping when night came.

▪︎Book on Interior Design in Wirt's Room - In Wirt's from, a book on interior design can be seen laying on the floor, backing up the knowledge he displayed when analyzing the interconnected mansions.

▪︎Mad Love was Based on a Dream - The plot of Mad Love came from a dream that Pat McHale had about house hunting. In the dream, while exploring one of the houses being shown, he ended up wandering into someone else's home.

▪︎Beatriceoftheday - A blog dedicated to our lord and savior Beatrice, known for its strange shitposts and intense praise of the titular bird girl.

▪︎Wirt is Jealous of Greg's Popularity - Shown in the Circus Friends issue of the comics, Wirt is jealous of Greg's ability to make everyone laugh and have fun. This may factor into his dislike of his brother.

▪︎Greg was Feeding Fred at the Tavern - At first watching, one may be confused as to where all the food Greg was gathering went, why Fred was wearing lipstick and why he was refusing to talk to Beatrice. Shown in a deleted scene, this all explained, as Fred tells Beatrice that he didn't talk to her because Greg was feeding him.

▪︎Elijah Wood Voiced the Crazy Driver - Exactly what is says on the tin, the nutty driver was voiced by Wood.

▪︎Cloud City is Heaven - A popular theory that Cloud City actually represents Heaven.

▪︎Greg is Greg Universe - A headcanon/theory that has mostly died out that Greg is the same Greg in Steven Universe.

▪︎Bee Beatrice - Beatrice was originally cursed to become a bee, but was changed into a bluebird to match better with the seasonal autumn theme.

▪︎Pat McHale Voiced Wirt's Voice Crack - Wirt's voice crack when asking the Beast Are You? was actually done by McHale, not Wood.

▪︎The Other Actors Harassing Elijah Wood When Singing Wirt's Song - In order to make the performance as awkward as possible, the other actors were asked to yell and demand Wirt to sing. This can be heard in the episode.

▪︎Come Wayward Souls Has the Same Melody as O Holy Night - The song shares a cadence with "O Holy Night", and can be sung to its tune.

▪︎Black Turtles Origin/Purpose - No one knows why the black turtles exist, and McHale has said that they're just one of the unexplainable things of the Unknown.

▪︎Anna Never Left the House - In the aforementioned comics, it is shown that Anna had never left the house, living on her own until the Woodsman's return.

▪︎Sailor Suit Greg - Greg originally wore a sailor suit, but was changed later on to his current, Johnny Appleseed inspired outfit .

▪︎Beatrice Missing Being Able to Flip People Off - In the Art Book, Beatrice's introduction states that one of the reasons she hates being a bird is because she no longer has hands to flip people off with.

Third Layer

▪︎Jason Funderberker is Visually Based on a Teen Pat McHale - As seen here, Funderberker was designed after McHale.

▪︎Babes in the Wood is Based on an Old Alice in Wonderland Cartoon - You can view the original 1923 cartoon here! Starts at 4:25.

▪︎Wirt and Sara are Dipper and Mabel's Parents - A popular AU/hc where Dipper and Mabel of Gravity Falls are the future kids of Wirt and Sara.

▪︎The Tune of Wirt's Song is Improvised - In addition to the aforementioned harassment, in a further attempt to make the performance as awkward as possible, Elijah Wood was not given a tune to sing, only the lyrics.

▪︎Wirt's Costume Origin - As said in the art book and on his tumblr, Wirt's cone and cape come from an attempted rock and roll persona from McHale's teen years.

▪︎Greg is Based on Pat McHale's Son - It has been claimed that Greg is based on McHale's son, but Greg existed before him. The similarities are simply coincidental.

▪︎Old Scratch - The original name of the Beast.

▪︎The Beast Killed the Woodsman's Wife - Shown in the comics, The Woodsman's wife was mortally injured, with her attacker implied to be the Beast.

▪︎Wirt and Greg Staying in the Unknown Until Christmas - Another scrapped ending, in which the brothers stay in The Unknown until Christmas, with their absence unexplained.

▪︎Tome of the Unknown (original plot) - Early concepts had the Beast ( then known as Old Scratch as mentioned earlier ) scattering the pages of the titular book for the brothers to collect. Each page would come to life and the brothers would explore each story.

▪︎Dante's Inferno Comparisons - Check out these videos for full analysis!

▪︎Wirt Panty Shots - In the aforementioned Circus Friend comics, Wirt dons a dress as part of a disguise. Later on, he rips off the bottom half off, revealing that he is wearing bloomers.

▪︎The Beast's True Form was Inspired by Trypophobia - As stated in the art book, The Beast's hole-filled appearance was inspired by Trypophobia, the fear of many small holes.

▪︎The Fight is Over is About Drowning - Give the lyrics another read.

▪︎The Beast Last Minute Design Change - The Beast had a very different design, and it was changed into the current one at the last minute.

▪︎Gnome in Cloud City Representing Wirt - Many people believed that the Gnome with the lantern in cloud city was a parallel to Wirt, or a glimpse into his future. However, this was debunked.

▪︎Send Me a Peach - This song is included in the ost, but isn't in the actual series.

▪︎Fred and the Highwayman's Backstory - The comics expand upon the story of Fred the Horse and his involvement with the Highwayman.

Fourth Layer

▪︎Babes in the Wood Title Origin - The name of this episode comes from an old story of a pair of children getting lost in the woods, dying, and being buried in leaves by robins.

▪︎poorlydrawnotgw - This was a blog created during the poorly drawn series meme period. It consisted of poorly drawn and very strange shitposts and has since been deactivated. I was a part of it as mod Goopy Wirt and only have a handful of images saved from it.

▪︎Read and Listen Book Lost Audio - A read and listen book was created, with the book being read by Greg's Frog, who would stop every now and again to talk about being a frog. The pages can be found online, but the audio is currently lost.

▪︎Skinless Witch - A scrapped episode concept involved a skinless witch that kidnapped Greg and rode him like a horse.

▪︎Gentleman Burglar Wirt - A scrapped concept in which Wirt breaks into a woman's home, who is charmed by this young man who has come to visit her.

▪︎Animal Transformation - It was originally planned for Wirt and Greg to be turned into a bear/dog and a duck and remain that way for several episodes. This was later used in the comics.

▪︎The Unknown is influenced by Wirt's mind/interests - The Unknown is influenced by those who walk in it, in this case, Wirt. This includes the old timey mystical nature of it, as Wirt has been stated to have an interest in old folk tales.

▪︎Good Guy Beast/Black Train Scrapped Concept - In an earlier draft, the brothers were on a train, heading to what they assumed was death. They jump off, ending up in the Unknown. The Beast tries to get them back on the train, which turns out to be heading back to life.

▪︎Evil Woodsman - At one point, the Woodsman was intended to be under the influence of the Beast and tried to sabotage the brothers's attempts to return home.

▪︎Lorna Reading the Tome of the Unknown in the Epilogue - In the epilogue, Lorna can be seen reading the titular book from the aforementioned scrapped plot.

▪︎The Beast was Originally the Devil Himself - The Beast was first designed as a devil-like character, the aforementioned Old Scratch.

▪︎The Brothers Never Went Home/The Hospital is Part of The Unknown - a theory based on the fact that the edges of the screen are still blurred at the end of chapter 10, the rushed narration, and the lack of consequences of nearly drowning.

▪︎Beatrice Seeing Wirt Nude - In one of the comics, Beatrice accidentally sees Wirt while he is washing his clothes in the river.

▪︎Sara is a Descendant of Lorna - A theory that Sara is a distant relative of Lorna.

▪︎Exists in the Same Universe as Clarence and Home Movies - The most well known piece of evidence is the overhead shot of the town matching the town that Clarence is set in. Wirt and Greg also have a cameo in another episode, and one of the final episodes shows Brendon Small of Home Movies runs a movie rental store in the town, connecting all three series together.

Final Layer

▪︎Beast x Wirt - Also known as Poetree.

▪︎Candycone - Greg x Wirt.

[silverlightqueen]

Her 🦋

‘I could go up out to outer space with her, all I need is one more day with her.’

Phases - Hwang Hyunjin X Chase Atlantic

Rating: M (heavy angst and suggestive content)

Warnings: discussion of suicidal thoughts and severe depression, childhood trauma (absent father, daddy issues), discussion of sex, discussion and use of drugs, substance abuse/addiction and alcoholism, extremely toxic relationship, emotional manipulation and verbal abuse, fwb, sexting and sending nudes

Word Count: 4.6k+

a/n: and here is the second part of phases, my hhjxchaseatlantic series! please proceed with caution bc this fic is very heavy and touches on some very sensitive and serious topics. I really hope you guys enjoy this, lmk what you think and hmu if you wanna be on the taglist! the biggest thank you to the loml @silverlightprincess for proofreading this and bigging it up so much lmao I love you sis! x

taglist 🦋: @diue​ @shesfuckedinthehead​ @danyxthirstae01​ @linours​ @titleisyettobemade​ @jikooksgirl19​ @silverlightprincess​

A loud ping from Hyunjin’s phone resonates in the hazy room, the other boys exchanging knowing glances, and he ignores the way his hands itch to reach into his pocket and see if it’s her. ‘Aren’t you gonna check that?’ Changbin asks, fingers fumbling as he tries to roll yet another joint. Hyunjin’s surprised the other boy can even see straight, let alone roll a joint, but he manages it. It’s not his best work, but it’ll do.

They’re sat in the private bar on the top floor of Changbin’s dad’s hotel on the outskirts of the city, surrounded by windows that overlook the skyline. None of them have particularly well-paying jobs – they have more than enough to live, but they splash it all on drugs and drink and fast cars and pretty girls who want Fendi bags, but thanks to Changbin’s dad, lavish nights filled with the oldest alcohol and the best weed are a regular. Changbin’s dad helps fund this lifestyle and they can’t be grateful enough towards him for it.

‘It won’t be urgent,’ Hyunjin says offhandedly, but he feels his skin lighting up with energy. It’s like nothing else is allowed to exist in his mind or body when he thinks of her – she pushes away everything else, even the marijuana mist that hangs in a heavy cloud over his mind. He’s already beginning to sober up, his senses alert and tuned into her. She’s not even here, and she’s all he can feel.

‘What if it’s your girl?’ Chan teases, dimples denting his cheeks as he hands Changbin the lighter. ‘She’s not my girl,’ Hyunjin replies mildly, the boys all looking amused. ‘Then why’d you go running whenever she texts you?’ Minho asks, gentle laughter running around the room, and Hyunjin pushes down the shame, rolling his eyes and curling his lips at the corners, trying to seem nonchalant.

‘He doesn’t go running. He leaves her waiting like a dick,’ Jeongin says, Hyunjin flipping him off half-heartedly. ‘As he should. She ain’t shit,’ Jisung says with a grin. ‘You say that, but you’d go running if it was you she was texting,’ Seungmin grins at Jisung, the latter nodding instantly. ‘Of course I would. I’m not a fucking idiot. I just feel sorry for him. They’ve been fucking around for years and she still hasn’t caught feelings like all other girls do. If there aren’t any feelings involved, it gets boring,’ Jisung says, not realising how his words feel like weapons to Hyunjin.

‘Are you fucking crazy? It’s way better without feelings. It gets messy with feelings,’ Minho says as Chan passes him the joint, fresh smoke already beginning to blur the room, and Hyunjin nods. ‘Exactly. The only reason we’ve been fucking around for so long is because there aren’t any feelings. That’s why we work so well,’ Hyunjin lies, his phone pinging again.

‘Well, I admire you. I’d have caught feelings for her by now,’ Felix says candidly, the other boys bursting into laughter. ‘Don’t laugh! You lot would’ve caught feelings for her too!’ he says defensively, raising his voice over the laughter. ‘Yeah, I definitely would have. I think I’d have wifed her by now,’ Changbin grins, and Hyunjin feels the jealously bubbling up inside him. He hates it when they talk about her. She might not be his, but she’s more his than she is theirs. They have no right to talk about her like that.

‘Yeah, but how do you wife a girl that doesn’t wanna be wifed?’ Chan asks, all of the boys letting out noises of agreement. ‘True. She’s actually living the life. Always decked out in designer, dick from Mr Handsome, free drugs from his friends, boujee apartment in the city, sexy group of friends and an easy ass ‘working from home’ job,’ Jisung says, sounding jealous, and all the boys start laughing again. ‘She really is. I’d swap lives with her, no hesitation,’ Seungmin says, more laughing filling the room.

‘Check your phone then, Mr Handsome,’ Felix nudges Hyunjin, and the boy lets out a little sigh, taking his time as he gets his phone out of his pocket. Her name is on the screen, no emojis and pet names or anything. Just her name. She’s sent him two texts, and he tries to hide his eagerness as he unlocks his phone to see them.

come see me when you’re done with the boys

give them my love and bring me some molly pls xo

‘Wow. Not her trying to emotionally manipulate the guys into giving her molly,’ Felix laughs quietly, looking at Hyunjin’s screen, and Hyunjin can’t help but laugh too. She’s one of a kind. ‘She sends her love to you guys,’ Hyunjin says, knowing he won’t even have to ask for the molly. They’ll offer it, like they always do. She’s got them all wrapped around her finger.

‘She’s cute. We should link soon,’ Chan says, handing the joint to Jisung and punching him gently when he nearly drops it. ‘Yeah, the same thing happens every time we link. We get a booth in a club, last for about ten minutes before they kick us out for doing lines, and then those two disappear to fuck and abandon the rest of us,’ Minho says drily, motioning to Hyunjin, who’s busy trying to formulate a laidback reply.

‘Tell her… only if she’s good,’ Felix says under his breath, knowing Hyunjin’s situation better than anybody else (Hyunjin’s never told him, but Felix is wise beyond his years, and very observant), and Hyunjin types up the response. Only a few seconds later do the three little dots appear, and Hyunjin imagines her in his head, lying on her bed and typing with that cute little smile on her face.

I’m always good

I love being good

for you

Hyunjin feels his blood heat up more and more with each text she sends, Felix chuckling amusedly as Hyunjin’s fingers ghost over the keyboard. He never knows what to say, never knows how to be cool and collected around her. ‘You’re on your own, bro. She’s too good at this,’ Felix murmurs, and Hyunjin nods in agreement, desperately wracking his brains for a response, ignoring the current conversation the boys are having.

Before he even begins typing, another text from her comes through, and it’s a picture. His heart speeds up as he waits for it to load, itching to see what she’s sent. He has a folder on his phone dedicated to all the pictures she’s ever sent, and he visits that folder more often than he’d ever admit. When the picture finally loads, he feels his heart stop for a second, Felix so startled that he begins choking, and Hyunjin hits him on the back, eyes still locked onto his phone.

She’s in her bedroom, the lights all off, and she’s stood in front of her mirror, her body illuminated by the flash from her phone and the city lights streaming in from her window. She’s dressed in her completely sheer Dior robe. And nothing else.

‘Fucking hell,’ Felix says when he finally gets his breath back. The boys are all distracted from their conversation, looking over at Hyunjin and Felix with curiosity. ‘What’s going on?’ Jeongin asks, and Felix and Hyunjin are both silent for a moment. ‘She sent me a picture.’ ‘Let us see!’ Changbin says instantly, all of them looking at him with disgust. ‘No, you fucking creep.’ ‘You showed Felix!’ ‘I didn’t show him.’ ‘Yeah, I looked at the screen just as the picture loaded,’ Felix says, the boys all raising their eyebrows at him. ‘What a coincidence,’ Jisung says drily, Felix beginning to defend himself.

Hyunjin quickly becomes distracted with the picture again, unable to believe how lucky he is that a vision of beauty sends him pictures like this. He still isn’t used to the feeling of having someone so… perfect trust him enough to bare herself to him. And he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to it. How do you get used to something so… extraordinary?

‘The picture must be good. He can’t look away from his phone,’ Seungmin laughs, all the boys looking over at Hyunjin again. ‘At least… describe it to us,’ Changbin says, Hyunjin shooting him another dirty look. ‘Bro, just go watch some porn or something,’ Chan says, everyone bursting into laughter as Changbin shoves Chan. ‘I don’t want details. Just the gist of it,’ Changbin says, like a dog with a bone, and Hyunjin rolls his eyes.

‘It’s a mirror picture, and she’s wearing a robe.’ ‘Oh. That’s it? Bro, you’re down bad if you’re getting horny over that,’ Jisung says, and Felix bursts into laughter, Hyunjin unable to hold back his own chuckles. ‘You guys haven’t seen it, though.’ ‘If she’s fully clothed, it can’t be that sexy,’ Minho says, and Hyunjin and Felix laugh again. ‘The robe’s see-through,’ Hyunjin admits. When it comes to her, his pride and jealousy regularly battle, and leave him torn between showing her off and keeping her to himself.

‘It’s see-through? Like totally see-through?’ Jisung asks with wide eyes, and Hyunjin nods smugly. ‘And is she wearing anything else?’ Changbin asks, Hyunjin shaking his head with a grin, the boys all looking shocked. ‘Wow, she must really trust you, to send you a picture like that,’ Chan says disbelievingly, Hyunjin feeling smugger by the second.

‘What the fuck are you waiting for? Go to her, stupid,’ Jeongin urges, Hyunjin chuckling. ‘There’s no rush. She likes the long game,’ Hyunjin replies mildly, the others all shaking their heads in disbelief. ‘You’ve got it so good,’ Seungmin says, voice laced with envy, and Hyunjin can’t help but grin in response.

aren’t you gonna tell me I look good?

did I make you hard in front of your friends, jinnie?

are they all jealous bc your girl is so hot?

I bet they wanna fuck me like you do

only you get to fuck me though, jin

I only want you

only wanna be good for you

He stays with the boys for another hour, but his mind is elsewhere completely. The texts she sends him every few minutes fry his brain, and he feels himself getting needier with each one. He needs her. So many addictions in his life, but he’d give them all up for her. Fuck Mary Jane and Molly; she’s his favourite.

I’m thinking of you, jinnie

always thinking of you

And those texts are the ones that push him over the edge. Not the ones about how much she wants him, how good his dick is, how wet she is for him, but the ones that make him think she cares.

‘I’m heading off,’ Hyunjin says, getting up from his seat, and the boys all laugh and cheer. ‘Coming back after?’ Jeongin asks, and Hyunjin shrugs. ‘Probably,’ he says, pulling his jacket on. ‘Here, bro. I’ve got her favourites,’ Changbin says, holding a little plastic packet out to Hyunjin. The boy takes it, and he wants nothing more than to crush the pills into tiny little pieces. But he puts them in his pocket instead, their weight on his heart like bricks.

Hyunjin doesn’t waste any more time, driving like a madman to her apartment in the city centre, praying he doesn’t get a ticket but knowing that it’s worth it for her. He has a pass for her apartment block’s car park, and thankfully his usual space, the one beside her space, is empty. She has Hyunjin to drive her around most of the time, so her barely driven black Audi A5 with its D&G interior is in pristine condition. Hyunjin has a keycard to get into her apartment and he taps his foot impatiently as he scans it, the lift slowly moving upwards. He practically leaps through the doors when they open, stepping straight into her living room.

The lights are off, allowing a clear view through the floor to ceiling windows that look out over the city, but Hyunjin doesn’t care about that view. The view on his mind isn’t in here, and he exerts the last of his self-control as he heads towards her bedroom. When he reaches the open door of her room and she comes into his eyeline, his breath catches in his throat. She’s sat on her windowsill, looking out over the skyline with a wineglass in her hand, and he knows it isn’t wine that she’s drinking. It’s never something as weak as wine.

She looks like an angel, face serene and thrown into dim light from the city, and she’s not wearing the robe anymore. She’s in underwear, just a plain black Agent Provocateur set, but she looks like the most beautiful girl in the world to him. Practically everything in her room is Louis V, but she’s worth more than it all. He walks towards her slowly, and she knows he’s there but doesn’t look over at him. As he gets closer, he sees the black lines of mascara across her cheeks, her eyes red and swollen, and he isn’t sure whether it’s because she’s higher than a kite, or she’s lower than she’s ever been before.

‘Are you high?’ he asks her softly, and she lets out a gentle laugh. ‘No.’ ‘So you’ve been crying?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘You gonna tell me why?’ ‘No,’ she replies, voice like silk, and Hyunjin lets out a gentle sigh. ‘You can’t keep it all bottled up.’ ‘I can, and I will. I wanted you to come here to fuck me, not to be my therapist,’ she says tiredly, Hyunjin silent.

‘Did you bring my molly?’ she asks, and he just stares at her, waiting for her to look back at him. To actually look at him for once. ‘Hyunjin?’ Silence continues to fill the room, and after what feels like an eternity, she looks at him, her eyes shining with tears. ‘No.’ ‘You didn’t?’ ‘No. I brought you enough for a week on Tuesday. It’s Friday today.’ ‘I know what day it is. My health isn’t your problem.’ ‘I know it isn’t. But you should still have some left.’ ‘That’s not your concern. If I ask you to bring me something, you should bring it.’ ‘Stop being a fucking brat.’ ‘Stop being a fucking dick.’

He wants to scream at her, grab the glass from her hand and smash it against the wall, flush the pills in his pocket down the toilet. But he doesn’t. He just stands there, staring at her, and she stares back at him.

‘When was the last time you were sober?’ ‘For fuck’s sake, Jin, I can’t-’ ‘Answer the fucking question,’ he says angrily, and she flinches at his tone. ‘I… I’m sober now.’ ‘You’ve been drinking. When was the last time you were properly sober – no drugs or drink?’ She’s completely silent, and Hyunjin remains silent too, waiting for her response.

‘On Wednesday.’ ‘I’m not fucking stupid, stop lying to me.’ ‘I’m not lying!’ ‘I swear to God, I’m walking out of here if you don’t tell me the truth.’ ‘Then leave.’ ‘Don’t tell me to leave when that’s the last thing you want,’ he murmurs, and she just stares at him, eyes shining with tears.

‘Last week.’ ‘Stop lying!’ ‘I don’t fucking know, Jin! Maybe last week, maybe last month, maybe last year, maybe longer! I can’t fucking remember! I can’t even fucking see straight most days! You think I can remember when I was last sober? I’m never fucking sober!’ she screams, her voice shattering the silence, and Hyunjin feels his heart ache at the tears spilling down her face.

‘You’re slowly killing yourself.’ ‘You think I don’t know that? I’m not a fucking idiot, Jin! I haven’t got any delusions about my health!’ ‘If you know you’re dying, why don’t you stop?’ ‘You’re not an idiot either. You don’t need me to explain that to you,’ she says tiredly, as though all of her energy has suddenly flooded away.

Hyunjin’s eyes fill with tears at the realisation. She’s doing it on purpose because she wants to die.

‘Why? ‘What?’ ‘Why do you want to die?’ he asks softly, and she laughs humourlessly. ‘I told you; I don’t want a therapy session. That’s not why you’re here.’ ‘You’re insane if you think I’m gonna fuck you now,’ he says, the girl just staring at him.

‘This isn’t a film, Hyunjin, or a book. I’m not gonna magically decide to open up to you and cry on your shoulder and you hold me whilst I sleep and then you take me to DAA tomorrow and help me get sober. That’s not how this works. That’s not who I am, or who you are. You fuck me, or you leave.’ ‘I’m not gonna fuck you when you’re like this. I’m not a fucking monster,’ Hyunjin says harshly. ‘I might have to disagree with that,’ she murmurs before taking a sip from her drink.

‘You’ve had enough for tonight,’ Hyunjin says, the girl raising an eyebrow at him as she continues to drink. ‘I said that that’s enough,’ he spits angrily, and she flinches again, taking the glass from her lips a moment later. He holds out a hand to take it, and she hesitates before handing it to him, Hyunjin celebrating internally. It’s a step forward. It might be a small one, but it’s something.

He puts the glass down on her bedside table before taking a seat beside her on the windowsill. ‘You can leave.’ ‘I know,’ he says softly, and she doesn’t reply, looking back out over the city with tears streaming down her face. They sit in silence, looking at two different views, and Hyunjin feels like he could live in this moment. Her walls are up, but she’s letting him in, even if it is just for a little while.

‘You should go.’ ‘No.’ ‘Hyunjin-’ ‘I’m not leaving.’ ‘But why?’ she whispers, so much loneliness in her voice that his heart drops. ‘What do you mean?’ ‘Why are you staying? We’re not having sex, and we’re not in a relationship. You don’t have any obligations to stay,’ she murmurs, lips quivering as she speaks. ‘I know I don’t have any obligations, but I won’t leave you – not while you’re like this.’

They fall into silence again and it’s so heavy, weighing down both of their hearts. ‘No one ever stays,’ she says miserably, and he tilts his head questioningly. ‘My ex-boyfriends always left. My friends always leave. You always leave. My dad even left. So why are you staying now?’ she asks, and he’s devastated at her words. This is more than she’s ever told him, and he never expected to hear that this is her trauma. She’s got daddy issues, and that’s why she is the way she is. She’s a drug addict, an alcoholic, ridden with mental health illness, all because of her dad.

‘I’m all you have left, other than drugs and money.’ ‘That’s all I need.’ ‘If you’ve got what you need, why do you wanna die?’ ‘It’s all I need to survive. Not to live.’ ‘Don’t you want to live?’ ‘Of course I do. But not like this, not… haunted. Not weighed down. Not numb and empty, all the fucking time. I can’t escape. It’s all I am… when I’m sober. If I stay drunk, and high, I can forget it all. The second I start coming down, it all comes back, and it hurts so much. I just wanna feel… not even happy. Just… alive. For once. Without the help of alcohol and drugs and designer clothes. But they fill the emptiness inside me like nothing else does.’ ‘There’s so much more to life. Love, friendship, memories, nature, achievements.’ ‘I know, but my brain doesn’t work in that way. I could be… stood on top of the world, and I’d still feel like I want to die.’ ‘Let me help you,’ he replies, and she laughs.

‘You do help me. You help me fill the void my dad left behind. You’re an asshole. You might call me a good girl and praise me and baby me and treat me like a princess sometimes, but you’re emotionally unavailable, and you shout at me and get angry with me, and you’re never here when it matters which is good because I’d get attached if you were, and you’re horrible to me when we fuck, and you make me feel like I’m not good enough for you when you text other girls in front of me and check out every girl that passes us when we’re on a night out, and you never respond to the nudes I send you which makes me feel like I’m fucking ugly, but that’s okay because you’ll come and fuck me and I feel the validation that I need, and you never stay the night which makes me feel like you only ever want me for sex, but it’s okay because at least you like me enough to fuck me in the first place. You told me once that you won’t call me yours, but it’s okay because I’d rather my body be yours than none of me at all.’

She’s sobbing by the time she finishes speaking, struggling to breathe properly, and Hyunjin’s frozen in shock. He’s an asshole? No. He’s a guy who’s in love with her and doesn’t want her to know it, because she’s always told him that she doesn’t want his love, she wants his dick and his drugs. But maybe if he’d ignored her wishes, and openly loved her, she wouldn’t be so fucked up. She wouldn’t crave his worthless validation. She wouldn’t be so lonely that she wants to die.

‘But I’m-’ ‘No. Don’t you dare deny it and say some stupid fucking shit to try and manipulate me into thinking you care. You don’t have to. I know you couldn’t give a shit about me, and I’ve known for so long, and it doesn’t matter,’ she says, furiously wiping away her tears, and Hyunjin shakes his head, taking her trembling hands into his. ‘No, you don’t understand. I’m only like this because you pushed me away. We were so good at first, I used to openly adore you, but you pushed me away and told me that you didn’t want that from me.’ ‘Yeah, because I’m fucked up! I turned you into an asshole, and then fell in love with you! More fool fucking me! Can you just leave now?’ she asks, pulling her hands from his and looking away. His heart sings at her confession that she does love him, that this isn’t one-sided, but it quickly quietens when he sees the look on her face.

‘I’m literally trying to tell you that I’m in love with you too. I want to be with you, and do the things we’ve never done. Restaurant dates, and staying the night and laying with you, and shopping trips that don’t end up with us fucking in the Chanel back room – not that I’m complaining about that, obviously. But I just want to be with you. We could be so good together – just give us a chance. Things don’t have to be this way.’ ‘They are.’ ‘But they don’t have to be! Just give me a day. A day to be more than your dick appointment and your dealer. All I need is one day with you, and I can make the pain better.’

‘No, Hyunjin. Just go,’ she says quietly, the tears gone and her voice calm. She’s shutting herself off again, pushing him back out, and it makes him panic. ‘Don’t do this. This is your chance to be happy, for us to be happy together.’ ‘No. Leave, like you always do,’ she murmurs, and he can see the city lights reflected in her eyes, the galaxy held between her lashes.

‘I only left because you wanted me to.’ ‘I still want you to.’ ‘But you love me.’ ‘They don’t cancel each other out.’ ‘That doesn’t-’ ‘Make any sense? I know. I don’t make any sense. I want love, but I’m scared of it. I hate my dad for abandoning me, but I only ever want guys that abandon me so if you stay, I’ll fall out of love with you, or I’ll push you away like I did when we first started fucking so that I can carry on loving you. I was never treated right, but I only ever want guys that treat me badly, so if you treat me right, I’ll get bored of you. I never got love from my dad, so I’ve been running from it my whole life, and that isn’t gonna change. I’ve driven myself insane for years, trying so hard to understand why I’m like this, but I am, and you should just accept that instead of trying work me out.’

Hyunjin just blinks, trying to process her words. Where does he win? The only way he can have her is carrying on being the asshole he’s been for the past few years, but there’s only so long he can keep that up when he’s falling more and more in love with her by the day. But if he openly loves her, she won’t want him anymore. Hyunjin makes a vow that if, by chance, he ever encounters her dad, he’s gonna beat the shit out of him. And he also makes a vow that he’s gonna help her, get her to therapy or DAA, because there’s no other way he can see a positive outcome.

‘You should just leave.’ ‘How can I leave you like this?’ ‘Because I can’t love you if you stay. I don’t love people who stay, and I never have. So… go. Please,’ she says, no emotion, no nothing in her voice, or on her face. She looks like one of those ancient marble statues, passive and cold but beautiful. And Hyunjin knows that he doesn’t want to live a life without her in it, so he does the only thing he can tonight, the only thing that won’t push her away.

‘Fine. I’ll fucking leave, since you keep fucking telling me to,’ he says harshly, the girl flinching at the suddenness of him pushing himself off the windowsill, feet landing heavily on the floor. ‘Came here to fuck you, and you’re fucking crying instead. You’re such a fucking mess. I should have brought your fucking molly. At least you keep your fucking mouth shut when you’re rolling. Never tell me to come over if you’re in your feels again, ‘cause I don’t wanna sit here and listen to you whine about your shitty dad,’ he mutters angrily, loathing himself for the words he’s using against her, the kind of words he’s subjected her to for so long, the words that made her fall in love with him.

Despite his brain screaming at him to not look back before leaving, he does it anyway, and when he sees her reaching for her glass again, eyes filled with tears and lips curled up into a sad smile, he feels his heart break into a million little pieces. He should knock the glass out of her hand. He should tell her how much he loves her, and how he’s not gonna give up on them. He should force her to get into his car, take her to rehab, and tell her that he won’t stand by and watch her slowly kill herself. But he squares his shoulders, ignoring the clink of her glass against her Cartier rings, and leaves her bedroom with the weight of the world on his shoulders and her face in his mind.