#if you understand the title
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strangersteddierthings ¡ 4 months ago
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Jealousy Looks Different On You
[Part One] ✨ [You Are Here] ✨ [Part Three] ✨ [Final Part]
Steve can be a jealous man. He can be.
Just not in the same way that Eddie seems to thrive on it. Steve doesn't have a right to jealousy outside a relationship, so even if he feels jealous, he'll never act on it.
He thought it was just one of the many ways Eddie and he were incompatible romantically.
It was the same song and dance when they'd go out. Eddie would drag someone onto the dance floor and spend most of the dance making eyes at Steve until his catch of the night got jealous enough to pull Eddie out of eyesight.
Steve is used to that. That's the routine.
Except.
Well, except Eddie's broken the routine now, hasn't he?
Flipped the entire script by saying the things Steve has wanted to hear for years. I wouldn’t have rejected you and Jesus, Steve, you’re the only one I’ve really wanted.
Steve knows Eddie well enough to know that Eddie believes he's telling the truth or believes he really does want what he's saying to be the truth.
And now, sitting in silence in the back of a taxi that Eddie's gotten them, Steve can't bring himself to hope about it. Eddie's not a liar, as far as Steve knows, but that doesn't mean he actually wants Steve. Not for real. Not in the long run.
Steve can't give Eddie all the things Eddie seems to enjoy most. He's heard enough about Eddie's sex life to know they aren't super compatible in that department. And as far as he knows, Eddie's never even had a relationship. Just one-night stands and friends with benefits situations, which, y'know, Steve's not judging him about because Steve had all that once, too.
And maybe it's shitty of him to think but because Eddie's never been in a long-term monogamous relationship, Steve's not sure that one between them will work.
Okay. It's a lot shitty for him to think.
There's no real basis for Steve to think this other than that everything Steve wants out of a relationship, Eddie's shown him he wants the exact opposite.
Maybe Steve's just thinking shitty thoughts because it's easier than hoping that this might work.
The ride to the apartment is awkward only for Steve. They can't exactly talk about liking each other romantically in the back of a taxi where a stranger can clearly hear them, so they don't. Instead, Eddie chats up the cabbie about everything and anything that comes to his mind and Steve sits with just his thoughts.
Which are not being kind.
God, he's kind of a shitty person, isn't he?
Steve lets them both into the apartment and it feels different now. It's not like Eddie's never been in Steve's apartment. Hell, he's been sleeping in his old room for this whole 'break from the LA stress' he's taken. Has been here three days already, so this isn't even the first time this week that Steve's let them both into the apartment.
It's just different now that Eddie knows. Steve's been living his life with the assumption that Eddie knew but now he knows and everything is different.
"You, uh, want a beer?" Steve asks as he toes off his shoes, stalling because he doesn't know how to start this conversation. Isn't even sure he wants to because having this conversation means there is no going back. He won't be able to unsay these things, Eddie won't be able to unhear them. It'll be out there. All his hurt and love and fear and hope.
"Steve," is all Eddie says, in a tone that says 'we need to talk'.
So, Steve swallows thickly, nods, and heads for the living room. It's so stupid but he suddenly feels exposed, so he picks up a throw pillow from the couch before he plops onto it. He turns completely sideways, back to the armrest of the couch and legs crossed, pillow in his lap to act as a barrier of some sort. Something to feel less exposed.
Eddie takes longer to join him because, unlike Steve, he'd gotten completely done up for the bar and that includes full lace up combat boots that he can't easily slip out of.
Eddie finally joins him in the living room, pausing when he sees Steve before he moves to sit on the couch, one leg folded under him and the other on the floor. He leaves a respectable foot of distance between them and Steve's not sure if he's disappointed by that or not.
There is a tense silence that falls on them, neither brave enough to really begin the conversation that could be the end of everything.
"Steve, I- I don't even know where to start, man," Eddie finally says, running a hand through his hair.
"Me either," Steve says, looking down and picking at the pillow. "You were the one who said we needed to talk."
"Because we do?" Eddie sounds confused. "I, fuck man, I basically accused you of being in love with me and you confirmed it. We gotta talk about that."
Steve frowns because he doesn't agree. They don't have to talk about it. As far as Steve was concerned, they've been successfully not talking about it for years. Nothing has really changed from Steve's perspective. "What's there to talk about?"
"That you love me! And that I was, am, in love with you, too! That feels like a big deal!" Eddie cries, voice not loud enough to bother the neighbors yet but he can easily get that way. "You- why don't you seem as happy about this as I am?"
"Because I'm not," Steve says, stern and biting as he finally looks up from the pillow. "How am I supposed to be happy about this? This is going to change everything between us. Everything! And I've been- I've made peace with how this wasn't- with how things were between us."
Eddie stares back at him, eyes wide and mouth agape in his shock. It takes him a moment to recover. "I don't... understand. Why, why aren't you happy? Of course this will change things between us, but you make it sound like it'll be for the worse? I thought-"
"What? You thought you'd tell me you love me too and I'd jump into your arms?"
"Well, kinda," Eddie starts, but Steve doesn't want to hear it.
"I can't! Eddie, I can't. I'm not- I-I get that you, that you've just realized I loved you, but I've been living with the assumption that you already knew. I thought you knew for years. And now you're sitting here, telling me that you've felt the same. What, this whole time?"
"Yes! For longer, probably!" Eddie argues back, anger and hurt mixing on his face. "I've never known you to not go after the person you want, so why did you say anything sooner?"
"Why didn't you!?" Steve shouts, feeling the heat of tears in his eyes. He throws the pillow at Eddie and jumps from the couch to pace the living room. "We lived together for years! And I watched as you brought home guy after guy after guy. I listened as you waxed poetry about the perfect man for you; a fellow metalhead who would want to go to concerts with you, someone who'd play DnD with you and enjoyed your other nerd things, and-and-and," Steve stutters over the word, fighting back making a sobbing sound because it's one thing to let Eddie see his tears; it's an entirely different thing to let him hear the whole sob-fest Steve's fight back. "And a laundry list of all the kinks they have to b-be into so you don't get bored. I- God, you'd laid out your incredibly long list of standards that I didn't fit before I'd even realized I liked men. That I liked you! Why would I even try when I already knew I'd never measure up?"
He's pacing still. Movement helps him push the urge to cry down and makes the tears dry up. It takes him a while to realize that there's been no answer from Eddie. So, Steve finally gets his emotions under control and turns to look at the couch, to see Eddie's response.
He's not expecting to see tears falling down Eddie's own cheeks and wearing a face of heartbreak and regret.
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willyhoos ¡ 3 months ago
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you, and what little remains of your brother.
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captain-sunshine-11 ¡ 7 months ago
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Youtube Video Titles that have definitely appeared before and after the Foxes/Trojan gang graduate:
Pt. 1 (you are here!), Pt. 2, Pt. 3
"Matt Boyd making goggly eyes at Neil Josten (and sometimes Dan Wilds)"
"Andrew Minyard looking into the camera like he is in the office (ft. Aaron Minyard)"
"Kevin & Jeremy having a bromance compilation for 13 minutes gay"
"Laila Dermott and Catalina Alvarez being my favorite"
"David Wymack facepalming for 6 minutes!"
"Neil Josten Making Calls that should not have worked but did"
"Kevin Day Grimacing during press duty with Neil Josten"
"The Foxes Punching Other For 10 minutes comp."
"Jean Moreau wanting to be anywhere except for in front of a camera"
"Nicky Hemmick confusing his striker mark for 5 minutes"
"Riko & Neil argue on The Kathy Ferdinand Show On Repeat - 2hours"
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batboopp ¡ 1 month ago
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as much as I love batgirl 2024, I have to admit the lack of Barbara Gordon mentions in the whole series so far, especially with the first arc having such a big theme of motherhood/daughterhood and the things that comes with it, makes me soo sad. Barbara was the first person Cass actually considered as a mother! Barbara, although she wasn’t the best at it at first, truly did try to understand and love Cass unconditionally even when she was separated from the Bat mantle! And that panel where Cass overhears Barbara tell Dick that she doesn’t know how to really care for Cass could’ve been the perfect parallel to the whole “is a Mother just being connected by blood? No, Something more is owed/Being a daughter is more than being connected by blood” lines that Cass says in the last (current) issue because Barbara, though she did not physically bring Cass into this world, has sacrificed SO much for her, and in return Cass gave so much back.
#don’t get me wrong I love Cass and Shiva’s dynamic and how it is being explored.#however I DO think you can make an excellent story about the two and their dynamic without Shiva taking a traditional ‘caring’ mother role-#-she realistically did not want or care for at least since after Caroline-and essentially Shiva’s old life and softness-died#although I guess you could say that since Shiva is both reminded of her lost softness and Caroline through Cass-#-Cass symbolizes Shiva’s softness and Caroline reborn especially considering Shiva literally points this out.#I think Shiva and even Cass certainly ‘sacrificed’ for each other and Shiva does care for Cass-#-but it’s not really in motherhood hence Shiva is not ‘soft’ enough for that. And it is not sisterhood-#-because Shiva sees way too much of herself in Cass (i.e “im an open wound” line) so that Shiva cannot fully project Caroline onto Cass.#I would say it is something between those lines. But care and fondness/longing for something lost long ago does not equal motherhood to me.#anyways sorry!! back to babs and cass <3#mainly referring to that issue where Barbara says to Cass “People will forget about me [as batgirl] and that’s ok”-#while essentially handing Cass the title as Batgirl.#Barbara sacrificed the mantle she so loved-the mantle she was angry and devastated and overjoyed and is/was a part of her-#because Barbara believed in Cass and her spirit more than hers. more than anyone’s.#Barbara gave Cass giant leather wings to take to the sky with. SHE LOVES HER SO SO MUCH SHSHDHSKSMSN#Barbara wanted Cass to experience the same joy and freedom she got out of being Batgirl. and in response Cass states-#-“I will never be as good as you” because Barbara IS batgirl still in spirit. And as far as Cass was concerned she will never be as good-#-she will never be as self sacrificing as Barbara no matter how many bullets Cass takes for people.#AND THIS IS SUCH A BIG AREA OF CONFLICT BECAUSE BABS WANTS CASS TO BE HER OWN PERSON SO BAD#SHE WANTS TO LEARN WHAT CASS LOVES AND WHAT CASS SMILES AT SO SHE CAN MAKE CASS SMILE ALL THE TIME#SHE WANTS CASS TO BE MORE THAN BATGIRL BUT ALL CASS WANTS IS TO BE BATGIRL#WHICH IN TURN MAKES CASS WANT TO BE MORE LIKE BARBARA-OR ESSENTIALLY MORE UNLIKE HERSELF-#WHICH MAKES BABS INCREASINGLY MORE DESPERATE TO LEARN ABOUT AND LOVE AND SEPERATE HERSELF FROM CASS-#WHICH THEN MAKES CASS SO DEVASTATED BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO BE LIKE THE PERSON WHO ESSENTIALLY BIRTHED HER. AUAGHSHSJSBDN#yes. you understand.#anyways….idk being connected by mutual sacrifice and mutual love. THAT is the mother and daughter relationship that BG24 was getting at!!!!#this is where I shamelessly endorse CassCainMainly and their meta posts on Babs and Cass btw <333#cassandra cain#barbara gordon#lady shiva
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pigswithwings ¡ 1 year ago
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in another life, you and i are birds of different species. we happen to meet in a park where our winter migratory groups have stopped to rest; you are swimming in the pond and i am walking along the bank looking for things to eat. we look at each other and you say something in a language i do not understand. your feathers are in a pattern i do not recognise, and i, too, say something that you do not understand. still, we hold each other's gaze all the same.
in another life, we are strangers at a bus stop. my plastic grocery bag breaks and my things go everywhere; i kneel down to grab them frantically and you are there too, on your knees on the asphalt. picking up the apples i have dropped as if we will share them for dinner.
in another life, we are trees separated by the riverbank. the river has been running dry lately, even for the summer, so you ask me if there might be danger of a fire. i shake my branches in mimicry of laughter and ask you, danger? us, in danger because of a fire? no, no - of course not. if there must be a fire, we will be reborn. and i will love you just the same.
in another life, i miss you terribly during a late night. i call you, and you do not answer. you must be very busy, i think. i roll over in bed and watch the shadows on the ceiling bend and twist with every passing car. i sleep, and i am dreaming of you even if i do not remember it the next day.
in another life, you are a beetle, and so am i. we are burrowed together beneath a tree root during a rainstorm. i do not know you. i am not as small as you. your carapace nudges mine as we both try to burrow further into the dirt. it is cold. we are warm.
in another life, we are spotted hyenas in the same pack. you have been hunting, and now your ear is bleeding. you are limping, so i follow you. i lick the blood from your face, lay down next to you and breathe in the silence. we watch the evening sun glow.
in another life, we live across the hall from each other: you are room 317 and i am room 316. we know each other, barely - i have held open the door for you a few times and you've done the same for me. we have never looked at each other's faces close enough to recognise each other. but still, i notice it when you move out, when the sound of music on your stereo no longer floats through my window.
in another life, we are transmission towers, connected by a few metal strings.
in another life, we are lilypads on a pond. we are stars in the sky. now we are skeletons in the same grave. we are corpses on a battlefield. bricks in a wall. stickers on someone's notebook.
what am i to you? and how do i describe who you are to me? i have this feeling that is greater than love, perhaps it is beyond the word "love". all i know is: with the time i have, i am glad to know you.
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dollya-robinprotector ¡ 1 year ago
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Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your dolly You're my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamour in pink Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky~
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Inspired from This post of @just-dol-headshots and this ask from @hakusins. Don't worry I'm still aiming for your ass Haku-Dean :) References and something under the cut
We all have to agree Bully Robin should have some softer and caring sides. When there's only them two and no one else is around to judge, he can let loose and slip back into that kinda of "Original Robin" we know and I love. I mean, that's what JDOLH made that got me into these swap messes from the beginning jsjkhskjhd you knowww the HUG!!
Reference: Barbie Girl (Aqua) and this cute ecchi Clamp Chobit piece
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All in all I'm a pink bietch and Dollya won't be losing her V-card anytime soon that I can promise so hang in there okay mr.Bully.
edit: OMG THIS IS MY 1000TH POST TTOTT)) JKSDJLASKJKDLA
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SELF-INDULGENT HERE WE GO
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gunstellations ¡ 1 year ago
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gentle mornings
#alternatively titled - when your papas have the audacity to cuddle without you#kazurei#buddy daddies#i like to think they didnt really do cuddles much except when rei has a rough night and kazukis warmth and safety is the only thing that#can let him get rid of the anxiety and nightmares#he wouldnt ask for it#it would be kazuki dragging him to bed at first#rei reluctantly but in his weakened will the times hes slept together with miri and kazuki has been the times hes somehow always#managed to go out like a light as soon as his head hits the pillow#even he himself doesnt understand and he doesnt attempt to and he doesnt realise#that its safety and warmth and protection and peace#and thats the only reason he would let himself be dragged to bed#but#eventually when you have had the taste of something so good in the place of chilling nightmares and restless darkness that feels no less#safer than the light#your heart becomes indulgent#and rei will gently and wordlessly ask for an invite to the warmth again#its fulfilling and blissful when the three of them are together#but with just kazukis body enveloping him against the night its a different kind of comfort. even in his sleep he would clutch onto it#thats a tangent right there huh.....anyway. miri would be absolutely betrayed in the morning when she finds them snuggled up#she gets her cuddle time with her papas too then#one big pile of a warm and happy family#yes this is pre relationship yes they would do that yes it is possible#if you got this far thanks i guess jajdjfjs ill hopefully colour this soon but i dont know really so im putting it up here#my art
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waywardstation ¡ 1 year ago
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Pokemon Masters’ new photoshoot feature is so much fun lol
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shorthaltsjester ¡ 4 months ago
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Imogen Temult, Exaltant Hope of the Red Storm
Heroes and Monsters by Penny & Sparrow // Critical Role Campaign 3
#thinking about the 4sd where laura was talking about how all the hells titles are good but imogens sounds like it has a double meaning#that shes the storm's hope rather than just the intended a hope that comes from the storm.#and all of imogens 'i am the storm' esque responses#something something what does it mean to turn away from the storm when the storm is inextricable from who you are on both a psychological#and metaphysical level. how do you turn away from your fate when its already in your veins#imogen answers: you don't! you take it into you. and i think that's fun!#me holding imogen's arc in my hands so I can look away from the context it exists in: this is wonderful#critical role#imogen temult#cr3#bell's hells#predathos#liliana temult#also god. i really miss fcg and imogen. not only was fcg the only witness to a lot of imogen's most significant moments of internal conflic#he was also often the only one that could successfully get her to elaborate on vague claims she would make about how she feels about#the moon and the storm and their fight and all her fear and her willingness to be scared and still do the Right thing even if it risks her#life. and I remember how much fcg's presence was often imogen's impetutus to take seriously that the gods matter to people. because imogen#was the first and often the loudest one to insist fcg had a soul. but it wasn't until the magic of the everlight through pike and their#realization of a meaning through the changebringer that fcg really began to value themself. and she saw how much the gods really could be#this powerful and good force in a person's life beyond just granting them magic. and it led to her often pushing back against (thought ofte#in over delicate and tentative ways) ashton's claims against the gods. but fcg is gone and he died for the hells. and imogen doesn't have#that ever present reminder amongst the storm that the choices she makes will echo out farther than the people she cares about.#also just. they were besties 2 me. they bullied each other but also put the most effort into both challenging and understanding each other.#actually. now thinking about it. fcg and imogen had maybe the most illustrative dynamic of what bh could've been and failed to be. alas ala#cr spoilers#my post#long post#web weaving#web weave#cr edit
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dewwshi ¡ 4 months ago
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princess of mithral hall
#waiter!! waiter!! more catti-brie dwarvish culture content please#she's SOOO fun to draw i can't stop#i like thinking about dwarf clothing...... metalwork THE HOUSE although this design is pretty simplistic#if i actually sat down and tried to do a full traditional outfit design i would have gone more all out than i did here. MORE METAL!! MORE!!#TAYLOR WANT SHEET METAL#can you imagine all the clan battlehammer weavers tearing their hair out trying to figure out how to fit dwarf trad clothing on a human#i neeeeeeed to stop using green as a prominent colour in all my drawings cuz i always end up hating the colour balance LMFAOAO#i'm halfway through sea of swords now and the way catti is written in it is so... weird.......#like she's normal and fun and acting like herself in all of the scenes where it's just her and drizzt#but then if they have to talk to any npc at all suddenly it's like a fuckin batman and robin situation#and drizzt is doing all the talking and catti is just his sidekick that occasionally interjects#it reeeally feels like it should be the other way around and both of their characters suffer#cuz drizzt is supposed to be quiet and kinda shy and cat is supposed to be talkative and extroverted. I HAD THOUGHT AT LEAST#it's such a weird thing cuz this problem was a lot less prominent in previous books#we forgive cuz it's been a couple books since these two were in the spotlight so maybe that's the issue but bob.......#let catti lead a conversation please#well. it's been 1 book timeline wise since they were in the spotlight#but as far as i understand servant of the shard was also chronologically written in between spine of the world and sea of swords#too many fuckin books with s words in the titles#the tags of my art posts are just a place for me to post reading updates i guess#I LOVED SPINE OF THE WORLD BTW REALLY FUN BOOK EXTREMELY FUNNY#we interrupt legend of drizzt to bring you high fantasy hbo euphoria#OK OK ENOUGH RAMBLING#legend of drizzt#lod#catti-brie battlehammer#catti-brie#dnd#forgotten realms
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twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat ¡ 1 year ago
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YOU DRINK YOUR COFFEE BLACK AND WE ARE AFRAID OF EACH OTHER ; SHOKO IEIRI
synopsis; shoko makes you a morning cup of coffee; turns out she’s not very good at that, but it’s the thought that counts.
word count; 4.2k
contents; shoko ieiri/reader, gn!reader (but written w a fem!reader in mind), fluff fluff fluff!!, just normal morning shenanigans at the ieiri household, implied stsg (my brand), shoko can be a girlfailure. as a treat, reader is absolutely whipped (and so am i)
a/n; been writing too much gojo n geto lately. neglecting my wife :((((((( let it be known that i am a shoko stan first human second. this one is for my wlws pls eat up!!!!
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you wake up to the sound of your girlfriend’s voice.
melodic and soft, low and saccharine; almost like she’s coaxing you out of hiding. a sound so lovely you wish you could drown in it, laced together with a distinctly raspy tilt, one you can only attribute to the copious amounts of cigarettes she smoked back in high school. a leftover residue, bittersweet memories ghosting her lips — one that gets you a little bit weak in the knees.
in the mornings, it’s particularly prominent, a little intoxicating. manifesting itself as a shiver down your spine, a jolt of your heartbeat, a flush on your skin for every word that she speaks. it’s enough to have you slipping from sleep’s embrace, carried back into the cradle of reality.
why you notice her voice first, and not the smell of something burning — or the sound of insistent beeping — is honestly beyond you. 
it doesn’t take long for your sleepy brain to react, however, a pang of anxiety rushing through your slumbering veins. hurriedly stirring you awake. abrupting your dreamlike, drowsy state, tangled up in silken sheets with your neck smudged by lipstick marks; an alluring red, one shoko typically favors when she’s going out for a drink. coming home just a tiny bit tipsy, affectionate and giggly.
and when your eyelids finally flutter open, your mind melting into the motion of the waking world, you shoot up in a sudden bout of panic.
because fuck, you belatedly, groggily realize — that’s the fucking fire alarm.
and shoko is spewing curses, from afar, loud enough that you can hear it even through the fog of fatigue that clouds your brain. a raspy string of words that you don’t quite catch, but they’re enough to have you scrambling out of bed, nearly bumping into the doorframe as you kick the blanket off your legs.
”what happened?” you croak out, chest heaving a little, having stumbled into the smoke-filled kitchen. disgruntled, reeling with the aftermath of your deep slumber, cold air nipping at your bare skin. the balcony door is open, and the smell of rain invades your apartment.
when you look out the window, all you see is a gray sky, blanketed by a thick coating of wool. smothered by clouds, not a single ray of sunlight slipping through the cracks. the world smells dewy and sweet, asphalt and flowers melting into a nostalgic fragrance, one that reminds you a bit of high school smoke breaks — huddling under the slide at the nearest playground, watching a pretty girl wrap her lips around a cigarette, exhaling smoke just for it to melt into the pouring rain.
one that reminds you a bit of the woman right in front of you, balancing on a chair and stretching her goosebump-ridden arms towards the ceiling, wearing nothing but a lacey bra and a pair of unbuttoned jeans. messy hair that cascades down her back, brows furrowed, eyes simmering with irritation — before flitting over to meet your own.
shoko blinks. then sighs. ”you woke up?” she mutters, and you try not to shiver when the tremor of her voice deepens, morning-fatigue seeping into the syllables. “fuck. sorry, i —”
she stumbles a little, shifting her weight from one foot to another, and you take a step forward. on instinct, as if getting ready to cushion her fall. ready to be of service, in any way you can.
”don’t worry,” she fumbles with the fire alarm, clicking her tongue. nails scraping against plastic. “it’s fine, i just need to — there we go.” 
finally, the beeping stops. and your shoulders relax, immediately, the tight little ball inside your chest untangling. with a deep inhale, the fragrance of espresso and smoke fills your nostrils, and a sense of calm washes over you. rooting your feet to the floor. 
shoko settles down, too, seating herself on the wooden chair. a huff slipping from her lips. they’re smudged, a blurry red she still hasn’t found the energy to wipe away. 
bringing a hand up to card through her hair, lithe fingers in between her messy auburn locks, she exhales. a blend between fatigue and relief.
”god. i need a cig.”
a moment passes. she raises her head, and sees the sleepy little pout playing at your lips — her eyes softening. blooming with something fond. giving you a smile, tired, small. but reassuring. 
”i’m just kidding, love,” she chuckles. “relax.”
”don’t joke about that,” you frown, rubbing the sleep from your weary eyes. stifling a tiny yawn. ”.. took me so long to get you to quit.”
(sometimes you can still see the smoke leave her lungs when she exhales.)
shoko keeps smiling, but doesn’t say anything else. the pitter patter of rain against your balcony railing fills the silence of the kitchen, still brimming with a light layer of smoke, slowly dwindling. cold air drawing it out. clad only in one of suguru’s old t-shirts, you shiver, and shoko seems to notice.
“good morning,” she coaxes, opening her arms slightly — and you move forward, a moth to a flame. without thinking. “sorry for waking you.”
she wraps her arms around your waist, attaching her jaw to the curve of your shoulder, and you melt into the embrace. leaning close, to tuck yourself into her neck. she smells like lavender shampoo. “‘s fine,” you mumble, a yawn muffled into her collarbone. “what happened? are you okay?”
when her plump lips press against the sensitive skin of your neck, right next to one of the kiss marks she left there last night, you can’t help but shiver again. she must feel it, because you can hear the smile she’s trying to bite back in her voice when she answers.
“mm,” she hums, a gravelly noise that makes your throat clog up a little. “just burned something, it’s fine. don’t worry.”
tentatively, you take a step back. just to see her. gazing down at her, into her hazel eyes, the fading crescents beneath them. not as dark as they used to be, not as heavy with lost sleep.
shoko is gorgeous. always, every single day, but you think she’s particularly breathtaking like this. when it’s early, and she’s groggy and a little disheveled, eyes weary and lipstick smudged — bra strap close to slipping off her shoulder, black lace against pale skin, moles littering her forearms and chest like star clusters. oversized jeans that expose the curve of her waist, the fat of her hips, and you don’t notice how intently you’re staring until shoko’s raspy voice reaches your burning ears.
“eyes up here, baby.”
you do as you’re told, and she stifles a chuckle. eyes rich with amusement. you try not to blush.
“sorry.” you chew at the inside of your cheek. eyes trailing to the houseplants by the windowsill. “.. you’re just so pretty.”
shoko tilts her head, an exasperated little breath rolling off her tongue. almost a coo. she’s incapable of blushing; but if she wasn’t, you’re sure she'd blush. 
“thanks.” her touch is light, fingertips trailing down the expanse of your arm. “you are, too. red is a good colour on you.”
you blink. shoko’s eyes are crinkled at the edges, soft lines of crows’ feet, and you huff when you realize she’s talking about the marks on your neck. suddenly a little self-conscious, you bring a hand up to rub at the skin — as if hoping to wipe them away. you doubt it works. shoko just breathes out an airy chuckle, getting up from her seat.
she looks tired, still. stretching her limbs out, sleepily, blinking drowsily.
and it’s odd, you think. that she got up this early, that she didn’t cling to you and make you stay with her in bed like she usually does. you don’t know anyone who loves sleeping in more than shoko does. especially after a night out.
so it’s strange. very strange.
“hey, sho.”
“hm?”
you tilt your head. “why are you up this early, anyway?”
she blinks, and then glances at the clock on the wall. ticking idly, counting down. when she looks back at you, she’s got a single eyebrow raised. “it’s not really early.”
“for you it is,” you quip, something resembling a grin tugging at your lips. and she rolls her eyes, smiling, before linking her arm with yours. bringing you to the stove.
“i was, uh —“ a pause. she does a little cough under her breath, clearing her throat. “trying to make coffee.”
silently, you look at the mess in front of you; what used to be your squeaky-clean stovetop, now stained with a muddy, rusty residue. an unassuming coffee pot sits to the side, having seemingly boiled over, smoke still drifting up into the air.
shoko cringes, a little, before a wry smile makes its way to her lips. ”it was…” she clicks her tongue. sighing softly. ”an attempt.”
”… wait.” you turn to look at her, dubiously, and she avoids your gaze. ”that’s what you burned? coffee?” still no answer. a tiny smile tugs at your lips, and you can’t help it if your voice comes out sounding a little teasing. ”how is that even possible?”
”look,” shoko exhales, heavy. ”i don’t know, okay? i think it was the coffee grounds, or something. i look away for one second, and it’s just —”
a little giggle slips from your lips, and shoko shoots you a glare. mostly harmless, but she untangles her arm from your own. ”sorry, it’s just —” you apologize, failing to hide your amusement. ”why didn’t you just use the espresso machine, honey?”
she bites her lip, and you think she might be just a little embarrassed. averting her gaze, briefly flitting towards the machine in question. ”… i didn’t know how to use it,” she mutters. ”i’ve seen you do it, obviously, but i never paid attention to the steps.”
a smile graces your lips. “it’s not that complicated once you know how it works,” you nudge her arm with your elbow. ”it just looks that way.”
she hums. a click of her tongue, as she adjusts her bra strap. ”well, anyway. i tried. so.”
”right.” you try to stifle a grin, to no avail. ”so… you burned your coffee.”
”and woke you up.” she grins, herself, just a tiny bit self-deprecating. but pretty, always, hair falling over her eyes when she tilts her head. ”a mess, aren’t i?”
”not at all.”
shoko looks at you, and your eyes meet hers. unflinchingly. tired irises falling into the gentle hue of your own, trickling down to the curve of your lips. there’s an honesty to your voice that she’s never quite been able to deal with. 
(love, she thinks. a kind of love she finds somewhat hard to stomach. a sea of acceptance that she fears she’ll eventually drown in.)
before she can properly fall into a morning spiral, you stretch your neck a bit, idly, and she gets a good look at the red marks littering your skin. the way your pulse beats at the base of your throat. tender, slight, a mantra she’s grown just a little bit addicted to. 
”why, though?” you hum, and shoko blinks. snapped out of her thoughts, and back into reality. back into you, the faux pout on your lips. playful, but a little confused. ”i thought i was the coffee brewer of this relationship…” 
and it’s true. you’ve been making shoko’s morning cups of coffee for a while, now, even before you moved in together. she likes it black, sometimes with a drop of cream, sometimes with a cube of sugar. never both. you think it’s very like her, to tiptoe that line between bitter and sweet — never entirely giving in to one or the other. there’s a balance to shoko, something stable. something for you to hold on to, a bitter tinge or syrupy taste that always leaves you yearning for more.
truthfully, your coffee brewing skills aren’t anything special. but it makes shoko happy, to wake up and stumble into the kitchen, being able to hug your back. being handed a cup of fresh coffee. sipping from it in silence, muttering out a groggy good morning that makes your heart flutter.
(to you, it’s precious. that lilt of her voice, that bittersweet tinge. the dearest thing in the world.)
plump bottom lip trapped between her teeth, shoko furrows her brows. ever so slightly. nails tapping at the edge of the kitchen counter, a series of satisfying clicks against the marble. “… well.” 
she clears her throat, but doesn’t say anything else. a moment passes. you try to find the answer in the curve of her lips, the crease of her brow, in the depths of her eyes — but you don’t succeed.
something discomforting settles in the bottom of your throat. almost uncertain, maybe a bit anxious. sheepish, as your tired mind spins in circles. parting your lips. hesitant.
“do you… not like the way i make it?” there’s a dejected tilt to your voice when it spills out, one that makes you feel a little silly. so you smile, or try to, eyes trailing towards the windows; you note that the rain has grown heavier. “i can change how —“
“what?” shoko cuts you off. “no. no, of course not — your coffee’s perfect. honestly.”
again, your eyes meet. and again, shoko seems to be struggling with finding the right words. or maybe she’s struggling to voice them.
“i just… haah.” she brings a hand up to her face, pinching the bridge of her nose. you just watch, silent, hungry to hear the thoughts she’s not letting you in on.
a beat. again, the sound of the rain against steel railings, the scent of honeydew and concrete. espresso-flavored smoke, almost entirely faded, leaving only cold air to nip at your thighs. 
and again, as always, inevitably, your eyes are fixed on shoko — a moth to her flame. helpless to the cinders that ghost at your skin whenever she looks at you. a certain contemplation swims inside her eyes, simmering beneath the surface, as she chews gently at the plush of her lips. before turning to face you.
you can only blink. but shoko finally speaks, clearing her throat in a way that strikes you as rather sheepish.
“well — you’re always the one doing all the work. aren’t you?” her voice trickles out into the air, low and saccharine, a blanket pulled over your shoulders. so soft you hold your breath and strain your ears, just to make sure you hear it. “i guess i figured… i don’t know.”
shoko pauses, again, and you can almost delude yourself into thinking there’s a cherry red tint to the tips of her ears. when she parts her lips, that usually carefree voice of hers sounds almost meek. almost, but not quite. more like unsure. embarrassed?
another moment passes, entirely silent. shoko swallows her pride.
“.. satoru always brags about suguru making him those fucked up sugary drinks he likes,“ she mumbles. turning around, to rest her back against the counter, looking out at the downpour. “says it makes him feel so loved. or whatnot. so i just —“ 
she waves her hand, haphazardly. 
“you know.“
a beat. then another. you can physically feel your lips part, a kind of surprise weaving itself into the contours of your face. 
and when you finally speak, your voice comes out a little garbled, scrambling for the right words. not sure if you should feel deeply amused, or just a tiny bit horrified. “wait. you’re saying you…” a moment passes. silent, slow, and all you can do is blink owlishly. in disbelief.
“… got inspired by suguru?”
shoko groans, deep and gravelly, almost comically agonized. covering her face with her pretty hands. “don’t say it,” she pleads, “you’re making it sound as dumb as it is.”
a little giggle slips from your lips. accidental, but she still shoots you a displeased look, huffing under her breath. crossing her arms just to tap at her forearm with her nimble fingers. frowning.
“don’t laugh at me.”
“sorry,” you search for her gaze, but she keeps looking ahead. so stubborn. “i don’t mean to, ‘s just — not very like you, y’know?”
shoko exhales. nearly a huff, but not quite. and you think she must be embarrassed, gnawing at her lip like that, fingers eagerly searching for something to fidget with. it makes you soften, impeccably, the blood inside your veins warming up beneath your skin. stirring you, coaxing you into soothing her. your very own heartbeat seems to be a little enamored with shoko ieiri.
”i appreciate the thought,” you smile. a tender tone, sincere. lingering with amusement. “really. but let’s not base our entire relationship around satoru and suguru of all people, alright?”
and again, she sighs. brittle, a little fatigued. brows scrunching together. ”look, i —”
a pause. she gnaws at her plump bottom lip, eyelashes fluttering like a battered heartbeat. her voice comes out sounding soft, all duvet pillows and fresh lavender, a lilt that anchors you to earth. sweet words. so honest it makes your breath hitch.
”i want to take care of you.”
and this time, you’re the flustered one. burning under her gaze, feeling a heat blossom on your skin. feeling the fervent pitter patter of your heartbeat, as her pretty eyes look into yours. a nice mocha brown. 
but even with the fresh embarrassment trickling through your veins, you find it in you to speak. desperate, maybe, to cross the distance between you — even when it borders on non-existent. desperate to feel your heartbeats synchronize, figuratively or literally. to stitch them together.
“i want to take care of you, too,” you echo, looking down at the floor. and then back at your girlfriend. hesitant, a tad shy. but sincere.
a sincerity so palpable it makes shoko feel a little jealous. 
(sometimes, she finds herself wanting to put a hand inside your chest. dig around your organs, run her fingertips down every single one, until she finds what she's looking for. that miraculous something that makes you stick around, that makes you so frighteningly easy to love. that makes her want to safeguard you so terribly.)
”then let’s take care of each other,” she breathes, a small smile slipping into the curve of her lips. reaching out to brush against your knuckle, weave your fingers together. delicate. 
she clears her throat. “… i guess.” 
and you can’t help but smile. somewhat cheeky, a little teasing. “ah,” your eyes crinkle, and you stifle a coo. “did that embarrass you?”
a sharp little scoff. shoko gives you a lazy grin, paired with a soft roll of her eyes. brushing her thumb across your knuckles, even still. “oh, shut up.”
the world seems to still, ever so slightly, as you look into each other’s eyes. like everything else is just background noise, from the pitter patter of the rain to the fading smell of coffee all around you. shoko looks at you like she’s trying to see inside your brain, see what makes you tick, see you for what you are.
and when she eventually leans in for a kiss, you’re pliant. expectant. her lips against yours, breathing you in, as soft as ever. like she’s afraid of getting too greedy. she tastes like nectar and cosmetics.
“give me some time,” she says, after pulling back. hands on your waist, squeezing softly. “i’ll make you another cup right now.”
”sure you don’t want me to do it?” you ask. “i don’t mind.”
another little scoff. offended. ”look, i’m not incompetent, okay? i’m just not used to it.” she untangles herself from you, warmth slipping away. you will yourself not to chase it. “just stand there and look pretty for me.”
and she smiles, when those words make you giggle, infected by your sleepy joy. something soft and silky blooms inside her ribcage, mirrored by the glimmer in your eyes when you intertwine your hands again. fingertips brushing against each other, delicate, a love that’s handled with care.
”.. i like making you coffee,” you whisper after a beat. smiling. under your breath, like you’re telling her a secret. ”it makes me happy.”
a moment passes. something in shoko’s bones still, for a second, enough for you to notice. and her eyes fill with a kind of hesitance. doubt, maybe. or fear.
when shoko opens up to you, it’s always like this. sleepy, rainy days, or tipsy afternoons. in no more than a whisper, a fragile breath, the ghost of a confession. when you can feel her heartbeat, one finger on her wrist, listening to the rhythm of her pulse. intimate. a little clumsy, but…
”i just don’t want you to spend too much of yourself on me.”
the words are spoken in passing, almost casually, a lighthearted kind of resignation. a hungry ghost. one that follows her, follows you. suguru and satoru, too. there’s a lump in her throat, you can tell, something that makes it a little harder to say what she means. an intimacy that frightens her in a way nothing else can; frightened to hold it in her palms, to keep it close without having it break apart.
(not just her — you all are. all four of you. that’s why you've always been together, you think, why you always will be. four hedgehogs huddling together in the cold of night, too desperate for warmth to stay away from each other's spines.)
carefully, almost cautiously, you bring her hand to your lips. as if you’re handling a flimsy sheet of glass. featherlight, a touch so tender you hope she knows what you’re about to say before the words leave your throat.
“you’re worth it,” is whispered against her skin, your lips against her knuckles. shoko softens, but you think the sigh that slips from her lips sounds just a little shaky. “always.”
and finally, you know you aren't deluding yourself. it’s there, visible, the cherry red of her ears; a red that matches the lipstick on your skin. a flush that never travels down to her face. but it’s enough.
she clears her throat. voice beginning to change shape, slowly but surely, morning fatigue peeled off with the ticking of the clock. there’s still a raspy residue, leftover smoke that’ll never quite leave her lungs, but it’s silkier now. trickling like honey from her parted lips.
and it’s terribly soft, her tongue twisting around the vowels, a low lilt that drips with tenderness. she wills herself to smile. tired, but fond. “just let me make you one cup, then.”
so you do.
you let her, after briefly pointing out the functions of the far too expensive espresso machine that satoru bought you when you first moved in, and she listens intently. those pretty eyes, the intelligence behind them, her lips pursed in focus. shoko’s a genius, you’ve always thought — so effortlessly good at memorization, at figuring out how things work. what ties everything together. 
you think it’s a little comical that she struggled so much with making coffee, of all things, but you choose to attribute it to her slight hangover.  
because she’s focused, when she begins to fiddle with the machine. attentive. as if she’s dissecting it. a satisfaction in the way she moves, the way everything clicks into place as she works. everything serves a purpose, every single part in the machinery, every tube or pump of caffeine. she compares it to the human body, a glint in her eyes, and you can’t disagree.
all you can do is watch her. silently, entirely mesmerized. sitting on the kitchen counter, bare thighs against the marble, swinging your legs. telling her about the dream you had, while she listens. always.
a fresh, thick aroma of espresso and rainwater begins to waft through the apartment. one you drink in, greedy, steam filling your lungs. as you admire how the tiny droplets bounce off the hyacinths blooming on your balcony.
and when she’s finished, producing one cup of espresso, tailored to your liking, you can’t still the beating of your heart. unsure if you should blame it on the caffeine yet to enter your veins, or the proud smile that lingers on your girlfriend’s lips. maybe the way her fingers curl around the handle, the way a soft here, baby, spills from her smudged lips. all of the above, probably.
she’s gorgeous. breathtaking. sometimes you want to give her everything, more than you could live without. your heart, your lungs, your eyes. anything she asks for.
but she would never. all she’ll ever need is for you to keep sticking around, keep telling her about your silly dreams, keep letting her feel the beat of your pulse at the base of your throat. a mantra she’s fallen a little bit in love with.
and when you put your lips against the ceramic, and a bittersweet scent fills your lungs, you think you can taste it. that care, a love soft enough to mend all the jagged edges of your heart.
shoko smiles. smoothing a stray eyelash from your skin, thumb against your cheekbone. “how is it?”
(you swear it’s the best cup of coffee you’ve ever had.)
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thatonechocogirl ¡ 2 years ago
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bers sleeping :)
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reineyday ¡ 19 days ago
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why do they keep making bucky a government-manipulated pawn 😭 from the american military to hydra to whatever weirdass public relations campaign valentina is pushing the thunderbolts through (see: end credit graphics & the cereal campaign), like he had his brief time on the run and his goats in wakanda but he's sucked back into a sketchy institution once again like what are they doing with him. sure the movie was fun, but every time i think about it i just end up head in hands.
#rei rambles#anti thunderbolts#bucky barnes#discourse#what was civil war even for#what did sam fight for during falcon winter soldier? why did he even spend his entire movie arguing with ross#hhhhh#and it's so disrespectful of them to just go along with valentina co-opting both the avengers name and the tower.#at least the thunderbolts was a cute lil inside joke. them being on cereal boxes as the new avengers and using the avengers tower as a base#just makes me feel like they're spitting on the graves of the og avengers. u think steve and nat disagreed w the accords for this?#and yeah maybe tony would be into it but they also put the iron man silhouette underneath bucky's figure in that new promo figure.#looking at the more personal reasons civil war happened--u think tony would be okay with THAT???#and u think bucky who is friends with sam and trusts steve's judgement on who to pass the shield onto: u think that bucky would be okay#with STEVE'S silhouette under WALKER'S figure?????? after everyrhing that happened in tfws???????#promo poster* not figure. my bad.#but yeah. christ almighty i cant sleep i keep ending up frustrated about this.#bucky bb what are they doing to u#also sam doesnt deserve this. sam shouldnt have to keep constantly fighting to be seen as legitimate.#first he has to fight uphill to be recognized as captain america even tho steve handed the shield to him himself#and now he has to fight for the avengers team title? are you fr?????#i truly dont understand why bucky didnt immediately take the mic and call valentina out and finally get her impeached.#yknow. his exact goal at the start of the movie??? it felt strongly implied that the reason he was in congress anyways#was to find a way to arrest her legally and i cant believe he hasnt done it even after 14 months.#i cant believe he's on the other side of sam on this.#he the childhood friend of steve 'im not looking for forgiveness and im way past asking permission' rogers.#long tags#big sigh#and look. maybe the tb* team IS looking for forgiveness so they want to be asking for permission and be held accountable or whatever#but working under or with or for valentina is not the way to do it. she's a master manipulator and a human experimenter.#willing to work with immoral ppl bc of their resources is how zola got hydra tendrils into shield. cmon yall. come on.
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rottingjam ¡ 5 months ago
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i really like how when youngmi calls hyunju “unnie”, the english subtitles don’t just translate it to her name like they usually do with honorific titles
it rlly emphasizes how important it is that she’s calling her that and doesn’t take away from the meaning of the word :’)
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s-aint-elmo ¡ 2 years ago
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the "girls seeking an impossible wish trapped in a system that twists them into hollow shells of grief and resentment used by other girls to fuel their own desperate struggle" pipeline is multiversal
(ID and additional context in alt text)
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sensiblethingtodo ¡ 1 year ago
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Brittany Snow Talks Picking Anna Kendrick’s Brain As Both Pitch Perfect Actors Go Into Directing
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