#ill try to keep edits to a minimum

[huellitaa]

౨ৎ ⋆｡• vogue beauty secrets 🐰 ๋࣭ ⭑

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ hair

don't wash your hair every day! i think everybody knows this but i know a couple people who still dont wash their hair only 2-3 times a week. obviously it depends on ur hair type but only wash your hair when it needs it!

don't wash your hair with scalding hot water either. its not only bad for your body and face but its also bad for your hair as it ruins the natural oils and damages cells etc

if you have frizzy or easily knotted hair i recommend keeping a comb on hand in the shower and using it to detangle before putting in any products

i've been emulsifying my shampoo for only a couple of weeks but my hair is sooo much fluffier afterwards so i definitely recommend that!!

now i'm torn on this one but apparently shampooing twice is better for your hair than doing it once? i tried it one time and it did not end well for my hair type but i know it works for a lot of people so if you wanna give it a try then go for it ♡

i squeeze excess water out of my hair before i put in my conditioner so i can completely get it in there without

also change your pillow case often! this is for your face too, as the oils will build up and thats not good for ur hair or face. i change it once a week but 2x a week is good too if you're able 💓

don't go to bed with wet hair. stop doing that. its super bad for your hair and keeping it pretty & fluffy & cute

airdrying is my holy grail, been doing it since i was little and dont regret a thing. its a billion times better than blow drying & makes ur hair so fluffy too ♡

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ body

DO NOT. HAVE. THE WATER. BOILING HOT. i am guilty of this and have been for years but it has such a bad impact and you shouldnt do it! cold showers are better but i prefer warm showers so theres a middle ground (& its always cold in england, so id freeze to death.)

using body lotion after the shower has been such a game changer for me its incredible. makes you smell nice, feel nice, look nice, and its so relaxing and i feel like a princess after i do it <3

exfoliating is really important if your aim is for soft skin 💓 i have been doing it for months and as somebody with super rough skin its SO soft now

partake in some form of exercise. i hated hated hated sports and exercise when i was younger but i did do dance up until i was eleven and have been doing pilates consistently for months now, and my mindset towards it has changed drastically over the years to finally a healthy one. it can be a difficult thing to get into but make it something you enjoy. it doesn't have to be sports. ill make a post on this soon but it can be pilates, kpop dances, running, hot girl walks, anything! and most importantly, do it for mental health and physical health, not losing weight.

make sure you're eating properly. remember that 1400 to 2400 calories of nutritious substance is the MINIMUM. this of course depends on many variables including, weight, height, BMR, what it is your eating, et cetera. your body is so important & is there to be nourished and not neglected !!! ♡ (💭🎀edit: updated info on calories and nutrition from a lovely anon i received a message from this morning! ♡)

change your bedsheets every week if you wanna smell good, this is so important bc sweat and odour will build up if u dont and thats icky and wont make u smell good & probably isnt the best for your skin either!

i also put two similar body washes on in the shower that i get SO many compliments on & its really helpful if one of your priorities is smelling good

dont just wash body wash straight off, let it sit for a few moments so the scent can actually sink into ur skin

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ face

skincare every morning & every night. if ur tired or just not feeling it today then simplify it, just make sure you never leave it out because its super important! no. skipping. no work = no reward.

on this note, try not to have a too complicated skincare routine, as this can backfire and make ur skin worse than before. your skin isnt meant for 18 different products and 200 chemicals every morning!

never wash your face with hot water... this is also a given but just in case... it strips your skin of its natural oils and does more harm than good

stop touching ur face... just for those who need a little reminder

make sure ur sleeping enough. seriously disney princess movies meant it when they talked ab beauty sleep; it seriously makes a difference, so please try make this a priority, especially if you already have dark circles like myself! (like girl did you see aurora's face? my girl's skin was so clear i could see my reflection)

pay attention to what makes ur face puffy or irritated or makes you get break outs. i keep a little break out log in my skincare page in my journal (little teaser for an upcoming post 🤭) and this has helped me go over what helps or hurts my skin! i recommend this especially if ur prone to acne or breakouts 💖

cold spoons in the morning to depuff your eyes; ive only been doing this a handful of times but im making it a habit seeing as it really helps! (as someone who can get vv puffy eyes 😭)

hydration is so important, for everything in this list, but most of all (from my experience) your face! i drink A Lot of water every day. probably a bit too much. but its so worth it, my skin has been absolutely amazing ever since i started actually making hydration a priority. (and this is coming from a girl who didnt touch a drop of water when she was younger & had to go hospital for dehydration several times.)

i'd recommend scrubbing ur lips too in the morning when you brush your teeth, i saw this on pinterest aaages ago bc i had super dry lips and i do it every morning & every night RELIGIOUSLY. its so so good and i definitely recommend

i have super dry lips in the morning so lip balm in the mornings w my skincare is absolutely essential for me

i also put perfume behind my ears & on my neck so its the first thing people smell when they hug me! im a very touchy person and i love hugs and i love showing love to people so this is essential for me but its optional, just makes you smell good ♡

[gatsby-system-folks]

Emergency commissions

My friend Nev was kicked out of their parents' house last night, December 10th. My friends and I are trying to find them a safe place to go. I'm opening commissions to cover hotels, food, and hopefully (coming up this march) rent. Every shelter I've spoken with is full due to the cold weather.

I'm doing illustration, writing, poetry, editting, and worldbuilding commissions. I'm handling funds through my c-shpp for proof of payment's sake, but every cent of this money is going to Nev. $gatsbysystemfolks

Also NOT SPAMTAGGING. If you're seeing this post in a fandom tag, then you can potentially get content for that fandom here

Info below:

Illustration:

Some examples of my work

I'll also do relatively short comics. This is a snippet from my webcomic. A sketch is $10, colored sketch is $15, lineart is $10, colored lineart is $15. Shading or lighting on anything will add $10. I'm not separating character art and landscape art, both have the same rate, but something with more than 5 characters or something set in a city (or otherwise densely populated/elaborate area) will be a little more ($5 for every character above 5, and an extra $10 for an elaborate scene). Comics are the same, each page (not each panel) will be treated as a piece.

Writing:

I'll write for ocs, and from:

Homestar Runner

Rise of the tmnt

The Usagi Chronicles

Gorillaz

Good Omens

Undertale/Deltarune

Homestuck (and its affiliates, such as pesterquest or friendsim)

Venom

Moon Knight

Treasure Planet

Hellboy

Doctor Who

Our Flag Means Death

The Chronicles of Narnia

The Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit

The original 6 Star Wars movies

The Spiderverse series, itsv and atsv

The Davina skit from Rab C Nesbitt. (I see yall shipping Davina with Mrs. Robinson and I love yall)

If something's not on this list, you can still ask, and if I've seen whatever the media is I'll probably write it. On the other hand, if i haven't seen all of the content for the medias listed above, I'll have to do some research so it might not be the best work (ie the only reason I'm limiting this to the first 6 star wars movies is because I haven't seen any more than that)

I'll do ships between canon characters or between ocs, I'm not comfortable doing x reader content at this point. Also.. they don't have to be ships lol I also do just. Fics.

Some examples of my work:

I'm gonna keep it simple and do $20 per thousand words, but there's not a minimum word count. That's $0.02 per word lol. When you describe the fic ill give you an estimate of how many words I can do it in, and we can adjust. If the fic goes more than 150 words over the final estimate then it's flat-rate (as in the price doesn't continue to climb)

Poetry

Any subject really. I'll add examples of my work when the website I post on is fixed. Poetry is twice the price of fic

Editing:

Keep it under 5,000 words for now. $8 per hour. I'll edit fic, essays, etc.

Worldbuilding:

If you need help figuring out a magic system, how pipes connect your city, weird biological facts about your aliens, or even just where to put the castle parking lot, I can help. Same rules of fic writing and editing: if we chat worldbuilding for an hour, it'll be $8. If you want a 500 word summary of your new worlbuilding, that'll be $10. The text of the chat of course is free, you can pause your time of course, and whatever time I spend writing the summary isn't double charged. So an hour of chatting+ a 500 word summary would be $18

What I won't work with, in any format

Heavy nsfw- light is ok

Incest, pedophilia, noncon etc

Hate, bigotry, overly political work, bullying

Torture

Glorification of not good things. Depiction does not equal glorification

Case by case: real, living people. Context below.

What I won't draw, specifically:

Gore

abuse (such as beating, verbal, emotional)

Self harm

Everything is case-by-case, if something makes me uncomfortable I'm not going to do it. You may not put my work into an ai scraper of any kind. Also I'll say it again, depiction does not equal glorification.

Context on real people: I mean if you want me to just draw a picture of Margot Robbie that's most likely fine, or write about the wacky secret society that Laura Ingals and St. Patrick were running that's probably fine, or if a real living person appears in the background that's probably fine (I see you good omens fans having Crowley and Hozier hang out at a bar), but I won't write shipping for real, currently living people, nor will i make them the mc of a story. I'd prefer not for dead people either, but that's not a hard rule. Once again, case by case.

[arunneronthird]

august - fic recs (mature edition)

hi hello and welcome to my first rec list! as i said in previous posts, ill be doing a monthly rec list divided in two posts, a gen/teen and a mature/explicit version (if i have enough fics) and a masterpost where i link all my lists

fandom wise itll probably be all over the place, but i will add the length, important warnings, links and some comments on every fic so u may check them all out!

now without further ado

Fandom: DC

Some Magnetic Way I Move by Shenanigans

words: 11,224 (perfect for an evening)

rating and warnings: M, sexual content (not necessarily pleasant), recommend checking the tags seriously on this one

relationships: Roy Harper/Jason Todd

summary: roy is a kid who wonders near the ocean without any pirpose in life when he meets a creature that seems too good to be true, then life gets in the way, and roy gets in his own way even harder

notes: this fic has been obsessing me since i read it the first time, its dark and fucked up and completely too easy to get absorbed into, roy is a complicated, messed up man with a shitty life and a tendency to completely destroy himself and you cannot look away from him

this story moves along several years of roys life and his growth or lack thereof and its so easy to get lost in the pacing of this fic and just enjoy the ride, as hard as it gets

literally no need to know anything about dc, just read it and thank me later

Heroes of the Squared Circle by Mithen

words: 226,687 (yes, i wrote that right, it takes a good week)

rating and warnings: M, sexual content (theres one whole scene in a thousand pages), nothing past canon typical violence

relationships: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne

summary: clark is a wrestler, so he follows his heart and joins a promotion where he meets bruce, cue their adventures as they work their way through a retelling of the best dc moments: wrestling edition

notes: OKAY HEAR ME OUT i did not like wrestling before i started this fic, i took a minute to get into it, the moment i got into it i could not stop

this is one of the most fun, most detailed, most passioned fics ive ever read, a love letter to dc and wrestling so vivid and transparent that it genuinely made me excited for it too, all the characters are treated with love and care and the main relationship is so exciting, u can feel the love they hold for each ohter but never overshadows the wonderfully crafted story and the genuinely engaging plot

(cried at the end cause of how much i loved it. i dont cry)

Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Below the Sun by CSHfic, VSfic

words: 24,853 (can be read in a long afternoon)

rating and warnings: M, no sexual content, i would consider it T but there is a good amount of injuries

relationships: Sokka/Zuko

summary: sokka and zukko get stranded on an island after a shipwreck and have to learn not to be at each others throats while waiting for rescue

notes: heartwarming and weirdly peaceful, though the inherent anxiousness of sokka being stranded and injured with an enemy nearby does get to you, easy to read and easy to love, honestly a good time through and through and a good reflection on friendship

if you havent watched atla (watch it) you can read this anyway, only minimum knowledge is required for this fic

Fandom: Modern Warfare

i like you alive by kaijusalad

words: 11,254 (another afternoon read)

rating and warnings: M, graphic violence and injuries, no sexual content

relationships: John "Soap" MacTavish/Simon "Ghost" Riley

summary: soap gets really injured in a mission and ghost has to get him out of there, somehow keep him awake, try not to die, and not panic and he is partially failing

notes: intense high-stakes fic, graphic and heart-wrenching and yet somehow very warm, incredibly easy to start praying for ghosts success cause hes... hes trying so hard! once you start reading you wont be able to stop until u reach the end, also anyone typing out accents has my unconditional love

no previous knowledge needed to read this fic, just brace yourselves (btw i dont know why but the tags in this fic are so funny to me)

Doing Time by MildLimerence

words: 53,566 (takes 2 or 3 days)

rating and warnings: M, graphic sexual content plus graphic violence, both to a preeeetty fucking explicit level so please check the tags

relationships: John "Soap" MacTavish/Simon "Ghost" Riley

summary: in a world where soulmates are scarce and sometimes even dangerous to other people or themselves, soap ends up getting himself arrested cause his mark makes him go a bit wild and, to his horror, activates when he finally arrives at prison

notes: listen, i hate soulamates (i love you on purpose) but theres something about the way this author writes them that gets me, the connection between soulmates is more of a telepathic, magnetic connection and the lack of it can make soulmates go completely feral, its not the beautiful thing everyone thinks it is

dont want to spoil much but dont be fooled by the summary, this baby has a whole plot prepared and though the dynamic between characters and dark elements are incredibly fun on their own, i ended up getting actually really hooked by the plot, reeeeally fun read

knowing who the characters are makes it an easier read but i dont think youll get lost if you dont

Fandom: Supernatural

like moses and batman and james dean by saltyfeathers

words: 31,587 (takes a couple days, def a couple breaks)

rating and warnings: M, graphic sexual content, not all of it fun, gets pretty dark so check the tags and the authors notes

relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester

summary: dean used to turn tricks to make sure he had enough money to care for his brother, now that he has met cas, his issues with intimacy resurface with a vengeance

notes: not an easy fic to read, heavy topics are touched and you feel genuinely bad for dean but the characterization is so perfect that i tend to think of deans past here as canon, as messed up as it is

even though the topics are dark, the fic doesnt dwell on the worst stuff, there are no scenes written for shock value, its a tasteful take on dark topics, its just heartbreaking and powerful, it will make you root for the main characters, hard

if you dont know these characters you may be pretty lost but you definitely only need a basic idea of the show

[barbatoskisser]

Hello humans! Quick warning - I spam sometimes and I just reblog ang type wtv. Consider this q blog full of whatever catches my eye. May contain smut but I try to keep this as sfw & friendly as possible <3

Pronouns here for those who want to compliment but dunno how <3 (i love you all, i need to update it, but its pretty accurate for now!)

Commissioms OPEN 0/5 link here for info

PSA - not terribly active due to irl reasons!! Dw, ill explain everything once I have a chance. But yeah, I'm mostly on discord because thats where a lot of my friends congregate. May still reblog occassionally. Asks are always open, just might take a min for me to respond !

Name

Adin River Barbatos

Age

19...somehow? I don't know either.

Pronouns

He/Its but if it/its just feels awkward to you, they/them is fine (in moderation). Primarily I use he/him though.

Rules / Guidelines

Very much basically just don't be an asshole to me or my mutuals and to protected groups. I support palestine and ukraine, gay and trans, and I'm far from neurotypical. I'm white too, but nyeh. Overall I dont support racism, zionism, homophobia, transphobia, and abelism. Be nice. Not as enforced but if your a minor and think "oh hey neat! A sfw adult blog!" Thats cool but dont be surprosed if I randomly rb a venti smut or spicy venti, lyney, xingqiu, or aether fanart. I fullhearted consider all above as adults and now willing to debate it. If you don't think so, just block me. If genshin ever says directly "[character] is under 18 years of age." And its one of the few, then no shit I'll get rid of this but otherwise it stays up. Eitherway, yeah, no promises i wont reblog spicy occassionally. Be warned and dont interact with that stuff unless ur a legal adult. Also, preferrably, keep drama to a minimum. If a mutual of mine, or someone ypu may think of as a mutual of mine, does something problematic send me a dm and be respectful about it. I'll investigate and if I find it absolutely appalling I'll no longer be friends with them. But just know 9 times out of 10, I really dont care about what my friends post about (see: "problematic" fics. I DON'T CARE. If it doesnt involve in real life humans, i do not give less of a shit.) Unless its in real life that someone did sonething illegal then I'll give a shit. Otherwise, yeah, i'll side with my friends. No offense.

Friends

@definesanity , @archaicanathema , @gunterdon , @unkownknowledge , @pale-value , just to name a few. They're all great [chefs kiss]. I'm always open to gaining more mutuals, but preferably be 16 or older. I don't understand gen alpha or anyone under 16. They confuse me. Henceforth; please be over that age otherwise I'll feel like I'm talking to a toddler. And i doubt you wsnt to be treated like a toddler. Anyone born past the 2010s atp is a toddler to me. I'm a 2005s kid.

Species

Am catboy future vtuber / streamer with secret human. Hint, a friend of mine. Also, if you ask my friend gunter, he'll say eldritch creature. So, honestly, who knows ~ ehe.

Fandoms/Interests

Hunter x Hunter, Genshin Impact, Ouran High School Host Club, Lunasmr audios, That Time I Got Reincarnated As A Slime...If its popular enough, I've probably watched it. I used to play Honkai Star Rail, but I've since fallen out of it. Kuma Kuma Kuma Bear, some others. Essentially, quite a number of modern isekai. Up to Overhaul arc of my hero academia with no plans on finishing, all of Hunter x Hunter, all of Dragom Ball Z, up to the universe tournament arc in Super, All of Slime in the anime adaptation. Though i do have webnovel spoilers. By the grace of the gods (pleasw someone yell at me about it. I beg you), Lowkey getting into Monkey Kid lego edition

Okay as I'm rewriting this I've watched a lot, and I mean a lot of shit. So ask me about a show if its not on here. The only ones I can say I haven't watched are demon slayer, attack on titan, naruto, and one piece. Maybe one day, but certainly not today. Currently about to start a few new series. On youtube I'm starting to watch Grian and Kaboodle. Damn their fun. I dont know if its on here, too lazy to check, but also pLEASE ALSO YELL TO ME ABOUT IRUMA KUN. I LOVE IRUMA KUN SM. I NEED MORE IRUMA KUN MOOTS.

Favorite character(s)

Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecss, Venti / Barbatos, Goku, Illumi Zoldyck, Ryoma Takebayoshi, Alluka and Nanika Zoldyck, Kurapika Kurta, Izuku Midoriya, Shouto Todoroki, Rimuru Tempest / Satoru Mikami, Milim, Veldora Tempest, Paimon, Xiao, Gorou, Lyney, Lynette, Arlechhino, Furina, Zhongli / Rex Lapis, Focalors, Karma Akabane, Korosensei, Nagisa Shiota, the rezt are kinda forgettable. Mavuika, Nahida, Mualani, Kachina, and more to come. I love so many different characters its not even funny.

Other Things

Congrats if you've read down this much! Here would be a secret code for a silly but the co-conspirator said no. You'll have to wait!

[noonaishere]

Online/Offline [C.S] - seven | above minimum wage. like, *way* above

You sat across from Seonghwa at a table in the café, his mouth set in a firm line as he read your resume. 

“So,” he started. “You’re a streamer?”

“And video editor.”

He put the resume down. “And why do you want to work in a café?”

“Well, your ‘Help Wanted’ said you paid above minimum wage. Like, way above.”

“Mhm.”

“And I wouldn’t mind having a real reason to get out of my house a few times a week.”

“Mhm.”

“And… there’s a few video editing clients I have that I really want to drop.”

His eyebrows ticked up. “Can I ask why?”

“One of them keeps hitting on me, and the other ones don’t pay enough. Only one of them is really worth it.”

“Well, I’m sorry for the first one, that’s very unprofessional.”

You nodded.

“And for the other ones, that makes sense.”

You nodded again.

“Your resume says you worked in a café a few years ago; do you remember how to make all the basic drinks?”

“Mostly. I could probably use a refresher, but, it’ll come back to me soon enough.”

He nodded and folded his arms.

“And, uh, just between you and me: I was the only reason the café I used to work at was sparkling clean.”

His brows ticked up. “Oh?”

You nodded, self-assuredly.

“Well, I suppose that I have to hire you.”

“I-- really?”

He chuckled.

“Were the people who left that bad at cleaning?”

His eyebrow raised again. “How did you know that someone just left?”

“I-- uhh…”

He smiled.

“I… heard it by accident? I mean, you and uh, the one guy--”

“Wooyoung?”

“--yeah. You were kind of having a conversation about it where customers could hear it.”

He nodded.

You nodded. You were in the clear.

“I thought you worked with headphones on?”

You were not.

“Ummm…”

“I’m not mad. I told him I didn’t want to have that conversation where anyone could hear it and he didn’t listen. It’s a good thing it was only you who heard it and not someone who loves drama.”

You nodded emphatically. “Hate drama. Don’t want it in my life. Try to stay as far away from it as possible.”

Seonghwa chuckled.

“I am sorry though. Once I heard the intrigue, I couldn’t help but listen. Can I… ask what happened?”

“Nothing more than what you heard: two of my employees who were involved romantically appeared to have convinced themselves that I was oppressing them in some way and left. They left a note likening themselves to Romeo and Juliet… driven by their passions, I suppose.”  He shook his head.

“...They know that they both died at the end, right?”

“I’m assuming not.”

You laughed. “Well… hopefully it goes better for them.”

He nodded. “I bear them no ill will, I just wish they would have given me two weeks notice instead.”

You nodded. “Well, maybe they’ll both take poison and die and have learned their lesson.”

He looked at you blankly.

“That was a Romeo and Juliet joke.”

His eyebrow quirked and he chuckled. “Sure.”

“Sorry, I sort of just say things, sometimes. Sometimes it's dark humor.”

“That’s fine, just don’t do it in front of the customers.”

“Not a prob-- wait, you’re hiring me?”

“I don’t see a reason why not. You can work mornings, which was Juliet’s shift time, and you live close enough that if I somehow mysteriously run off with someone, one of the other guys can call you in.”

You laughed.

“When can you start?”

“Whenever’s the earliest.” You smiled. “Oh my god, I’m so happy I can drop that one guy.”

Seonghwa smiled and held out his hand. “Welcome to the team.”

   previous | main cast | masterlist | next

Send an ask or leave a comment if you want to be added to the tag list! 🧋

[blocksruinedme]

Wip Wednesday! LARPer Joel feeling crazy about Etho!

God willing and creek don't rise, this one will be out very soon, but this is motivating me! They in college, they larpers, they started hooking up during a larp (called Double Life) some weeks ago. This part is T rated, not sure if the final is T or M. I added a lot while editing it for this soooo I'm tossing in a cut tag partway through ------

Joel knew he could be kind of a lot when it came to Etho. It had become painfully obvious that Joel’s friends had grown weary of hearing him whine about Etho, possibly even more than they seemed sick of him gushing about Etho, so Joel tried to limit sharing the anxiety spirals and negative thoughts to when he was at his worst. None of his friends knew how consistently (say, every day) he felt crazy about Etho - and not the good kind of “being crazy” about a super hot ripped genius who keeps showing up at your dorm room at night to show you a very good time. Instead, he was stuck with “try your best to not become a stalker but it’s looking dicey” kind of crazy. Well, not instead, he had both kinds of crazy, and knew he might be suffering from even more kinds of Etho crazy than he realized. Etho was easy to be crazy about. 

Etho didn’t often stay the night in Joel’s cramped dorm room, and when he did he usually woke up and left early. (They never talked about it, of course, but Joel knew it was early enough that his housemates might not realize he hadn’t come home the night before. Joel hadn’t ever even seen Etho’s bedroom, which was… fine.) When Etho fell asleep before Joel, or slept in after Joel (who never slept much anyway), Joel let himself be–or at least feel like–a total creep by watching Etho sleep. Those moments were both excruciating and exquisite to Joel’s fragile heart. In the relaxation of sleep, Etho looked peaceful, vulnerable, even soft. It made Joel’s heart ache. 

The rest of the world (or at least most of it) didn’t get to see this Etho, and Joel clung desperately to that knowledge, that he was gifted with some special part of Etho. He knew he would sound crazy if he said it out loud. He knew that Etho wasn’t specifically gifting this part of himself to Joel, that he was taking it without Etho’s knowledge, but Etho felt safe enough to give Joel that access to him, and that meant the world to Joel. 

For all their sexual connection and intensity, these stolen moments in the dark were when Joel felt an intimacy he’d longed for, and lacked, in all of his ill-fated and brief attempts at connection like this. 

On the excruciating side, all those feelings reminded Joel of everything he didn't have with Etho. Being affectionate in public, having romantic things like dates and pet names, getting to introduce Etho to people and say “This is my boyfriend, Etho.” (Sometimes he said the words in his head, and then told himself to shut up.) Right now he’d settle for having literally any idea of what he could expect from Etho, of what this all meant to Etho, what he meant to Etho. They'd never even had a conversation about sex with other people, so Joel had to operate under the assumption that Etho was sleeping with an unknown number of other people. Joel didn’t even know if Etho was bi! Joel was a little surprised that he didn't feel particularly jealous about the idea – he didn't think he needed to be Etho’s Only in any regard. It wasn't about the amount of time together (though he'd love more, he’d take as much as Etho would give), it was about how they spent the time they had, how they interacted with the world, and with each other. If Etho had an actual serious public relationship, while Joel was left in limbo ,that would at minimum sting, if not devastate him. Joel felt sure he’d be happy for Etho to have a dozen boyfriends (or girlfriends, or whoever friends)... as long as he could be one too. 

Etho had never explicitly told Joel to not talk about their relationship (or whatever it was), but in public he always acted like they were just friends. It was weird, it sucked, it seemed like everyone knew anyway, but Joel was getting used to keeping up the illusion that they were just friends. Which was why it was so staggeringly unexpected, and profoundly delightful, to be awkwardly sitting next to Etho on a scratchy, lumpy couch while his hungover friends haphazardly prepared brunch. 

[obstinatecondolement]

CW: lots of mental illness stuff below (I'm okay, my brain is just very fast and full of bees)

It's funny how I went from, "Yeah, obviously 🙄" (expressed more politely) when someone very kindly suggested that I might be bipolar to, "... oh my God."

Like, specifically this is about the hypergraphia. I have been writing and re-writing thousands upon thousands of words a day for close to a week.

It doesn't seem like, clinically speaking, a huge amount from my completed word counts that I've been recording, but I cannot stress enough how long I have been spending editing and re-wording the things I am "working" on. It feels so important and I can't make myself stop editing and re-editing the same 300-400 words for five hour stretches minimum. It's kind of a problem!

I think it was the fact that this person made the parallel between how I'd been Posting™ a lot more often on Dreamwidth*, and the way I was expressing myself, and pressured speech, because like... I do that too, but I write a lot more than I talk out loud even at the best of times and it never really occurred to me that various symptoms that are typically expressed through speech might have analogous writing related symptoms. I mean! To be clear, I didn't think it was Fine Actually that I was so laser focused to the point of letting myself be in pain from needing to eat and go to the bathroom for hours because I couldn't tear myself away from the thing I was writing, but I thought of it as being more an "inappropriately fixated on a task" thing rather than as something related to speech or communciation. My knowledge of psychological and psychiatric terminology is deep rather than broad and I don't want to confidently state that I'm experiencing a particular symptom that I haven't fully understood the definition of, but like... yeah.

I'm also getting really caught up on expressing what I'm trying to say in a way that can't be twisted by bad actors (who are apparently all fucking djinn or something, because instead of just treating me badly they ironically do exactly what I've said they can do) or misunderstood. This is not a new problem either. Relatively recently I got caught in a loop of trying to explain what I meant by something to my sister and she said, "You know I'm not actually trying my best to cancel you?" And that's the thing! I keep acting like everyone I talk to is waiting to jump on the slightest ambiguous or poorly considered wording that could be interpreted as me saying something different to what I am trying to convey. And they categorically are not! I'm not a big enough deal on the internet to have people plotting my downfall!

But anyway. Apparently hypomania typically only lasts about a week for most people and it's been at least five days now. So like 🤞😬🤞

*Part of it is figuring out how to do stuff in HTML. I'm finding that sometimes when I'm getting really stressed and upset, figuring out how to do, Idk, anchor links or embedding an image that's also a link, or even just doing a Lot of random angled brackets shit calms me down again, or at least refocuses my attention. So, um, HTML as a compulsion maybe? Fun. Even my mental illness is nerdy though, how embarrassing.

[lasclhill]

Eboot resigner 4.76

#EBOOT RESIGNER 4.76 HOW TO#

#EBOOT RESIGNER 4.76 INSTALL#

#EBOOT RESIGNER 4.76 SOFTWARE#

#EBOOT RESIGNER 4.76 ISO#

#EBOOT RESIGNER 4.76 PLUS#

#EBOOT RESIGNER 4.76 SOFTWARE#

Most people should understand that charging that kind of money for aging PS3 software is daylight robbery.ĮDIT: Oh, i should probably mention that my internet speed is 128kb/s 3G connection, so re-downloading isn't an option, as is purchasing it legitimately on the PSN.

#EBOOT RESIGNER 4.76 PLUS#

Oh, and save the "just buy the game" nonsense- I live in Thailand, a country where PS3 launch titles are still worth what they were in 2006 PLUS a bit more due to my dwindling Australian dollar and poor exchange rate.

#EBOOT RESIGNER 4.76 HOW TO#

Please, oh please, somebody please point me in the right direction on how to get this game to work before i play the "how many pieces can i break this consumer electronic device into" game. I guess spu-selfs are much harder to find.

#EBOOT RESIGNER 4.76 INSTALL#

But keep in mind Portal 2 does not work on Cobra-systems if u dont install the new patched stage2.bin from deank. The updates fr Portal 2 have lot of.sprx files. I've also tried fiddling with various rebug DEX settings (spoofing certain things and this and that) to no avail. edit: deIeted this vrsion with bug fund by jo3tmas, download version 0.1.4 below. Searches only lead to dead filehosting links. Nor can I, with my nifty search skills, find an unmodified EBOOT for this game. I'm pretty handy with google, i can BOOLEAN until the cows come home, but i can't find a straight answer or PC-side utility that can resign my EBOOT and SFO for higher firmware. PS3TrainerLoader.sprx only need setting one time ,next game trainer not need replace anymore. 2:Put extract files in Your devhdd0 / 3:Hard Reboot. Cobra CFW 7.1+ watch here 1:Make Sure Your cobra mode already toggle ' Enable '. My games got a PARAM.SFO too and i can't find a utility to resign that for higher firmwares so i'm guessing that's why it doesn't work on my 4.76. Extract files will have a one devhdd0 folder. No problem, I've tried an EBOOT resigner and i still get this error. i've been led to believe my game-rip isn't an official scene release and it's probably been resigned 3.55 for CFW's and ODDE etc. My setup is REBUG 4.76 CEX, I use Iris Manager to launch my games (And yes i have played with all combinations of game settings already) and no matter what I try, i always get error 80010007. I must be upto at 8 hours at the very minimum, trying to get Red Dead Redemption GOTY BLES01294 working on my PS3. Simple-Eboot-Resigner/README. Regarding the missing values: Created packages install fine here, so this might be a minor problem isnt it Regards Rudi.Please, somebody help me before i throw my PS3 from my 4th story apartment balcony. Simple quick tool to resign retail PS3 Eboot to lower firmware version. Ive changed it a bit and compiled it (using pyinstaller) and heres the result: makepackagelicense (source is included) It was developed by CaptainCPS-X back in 2012 i guess. So obtaining originaI makepackagenpdrmrev1732 and patching it could this be the way to go Regards Rudi. Ive found á patcher for maképackagenpdrmrev1732 but unfortuanally not the original makepackagenpdrmrev1732 itself. Next PS3xploit Resigner (for HAN) updated to v3.0.0 by habib. Hope someone here knows about this problem and may be its solution Regards Rudi. 4.75,4.76,4.78,4.80,4.81,4.82 CEX or DEX,4.83 CEX,4.84 CEX or DEX VSH module loading. Program will check the hash of each file and see if it matches the original disc.

#EBOOT RESIGNER 4.76 ISO#

PKG installs finé but the instaIled edat looks totaIy different to thé orignial one.Ĭopying manually thé original edat tó exdata-folder wórks fine. It's got to be the EBOOT and other files being resigned for 3.55 gunner007 said: If you're not sure if it's been resigned, try using PS3 ISO Rebuilder and see if you can find a matching IRD file. Ill probably be able to add the pause for edit in the other tools this next week.īut now im somehow stucked on one (small) problem, which is may be somewhat off-topic, but u guys are so amazing that i hope to find some help here: I try to make a PKG that installs a license-edat(for C00-Demos) to exdata-folder.īut whatever i try, and ive tried a lot of things, while making the PKG the edat gets corruptedmessed-up somehow. I wouldnt try level 5 unless the section had turned out smaller than I like with level 6.

[pyrogina]

my keto experience

Intro/TL:DR

As a preface I can report that I lost 17lbs in 30 days while strictly adhering to a keto diet.  I'm a 34 year old canadian woman who works from home as an artist and a huge helping factor for me was the freedom to stay home on the bad days and the ability to purchase fresh meats and vegetables on a weekly basis. This is a really tough diet but if you put the right pieces in place, it might work for you too.  Additionally, I am NOT a dietitian/nutritionist in any way, shape, or form.  Everything posted here is from my own experience and a modicum of research on the net.  Please double-check my facts before you begin this diet for yourself.

Is keto for you?

The first and hardest question to ask yourself about a ketosis diet is, Can I Endure this? And you should not feel any guilt if the answer to that question is no, because this is a very invasive and aggressive diet that will cause you physical pain even if just for a brief amount of time. Similar to vegetarianism, or is extreme cousin, veganism, a keto diet involves cutting out large swaths of the food pyramid to facilitate this diet. This does not mean going hungry, the foods that are removed will be replaced with other foods, only without any (or minimal) artificial or natural sugars. Sugar is just a chemical, which doesn't sound like a huge sacrifice, right? Most adults don't bother adding sugar to anything other than tea or coffee, but sugar is much more deeply rooted in our lives than you may realize.

Carbohydrates can be found in virtually every type of ready-to-serve foods: breads, wraps, pastas, fried snacks, hors d'oeuvre (these are examples of things I ate before this diet). All of these delicious and very satisfying foods have a fiber content and sugar content. You're still allowed to consume these, and I encourage you do so, but make sure to monitor the grams of total carbohydrates you consume that day. During this diet you will only be allowed to consume 20 grams (to 50 grams, depending on your body and personal needs) a day. remember this. Those 20 grams of carbs maybe the difference between you having a normal day and one of the worst days of your life.

Before I chose to begin a keto diet, I had been exercising casually (as before I was sedentary, more details on this later) and consuming about half as many carbohydrates as I had normally done in my life before. During the two years I was living this way, I was able to lose approximately 20lbs (from about 230 to 210).  If you're starting your diet or lifestyle change from scratch, maybe try starting here first.  Its significantly slower (10lbs in nearly a year), but it will not cause any pain or significant inconvenience.

What’s the big deal?/What to eat?

Sugar is a chemical, and more than that, its a drug that your body has been dependent on since you were a wee baby in your mama’s belly.  Sugar makes your brain work and when you mess with your brain’s intake of the all-important-life-sauce it goes into panic mode. In the first 2-3 days (up to 6 if your me!) you will literally, physically go into a state of depression.  Many had described it to me as ‘keto flu’ but as a survivor of 2009s Swine flu, I can most assuredly tell you that keto is much, MUCH worse.

First, my appetite became very finicky (and i'm already a very picky eater).  I had no desire to eat the genuinely tasty keto meals that my boyfriend had lovingly prepared.  I didn't want to draw, and I wasn't even in the mood to play easy video games.  All I felt like doing was crying or sleeping (which I did, for 9 hours in the middle of my 3rd day).  This is why, whenever I speak to someone who’s even moderately interested in this diet to BOOK TIME OFF YOUR JOB!!! It’s inconceivable to me to be forced to face other human beings in this state of physical distress.  You need to pamper yourself while in this state in order to endure it and ensure your success.

There was one more bump in the road around the one-week point but i'm fairly certain it came down to a combination of dehydration and moodiness (period) so perhaps that was an outlier.  Either way, water is the key when you start feeling shitty.  Get yourself a nice BPA-free water bottle that you're comfortable carrying around and keeping full of fresh water.  Once your body is in ketosis (you can check using those little paper sticks you pee on from the drug store, wash your hands!) you will get tired and moody the very instant you become hungry at mealtimes.  Sometimes you don't even feel the familiar hunger pangs from your previous diet and mistake it for just a general bad mood. Always have a sip of water, babes; that’s your brain telling you to hydrate.

Alternatively, after eating a keto meal you still may feel hungry or unsatisfied, even sad (longing for your favourite dessert).  This is where those 20g of carbs come in pretty clutch.  Finding your perfect portion of reward may be impossibly difficult, I can only tell you what made me feel better when I got the cravings.  Blueberries are quite sweet, they have a lot of natural sugar, but a handful of them sufficed as an incredibly sweet treat (some keto dieters have proclaimed that ‘regular things taste much sweeter than before’, I didn't experience this). Minigo/iogo yoghurt cups are fatty and sweet and work as a decent replacement to ice cream (count the carbs!).  On extra tough mornings (in addition to bacon and eggs! Totally keto!) we would split a cavendish oven-fried hashbrown (about 15g; 7.5g split between my partner and I).

There are a surprising amount of natural foods that are not keto, but in careful proportions, can be incorporated into a daily keto diet.  Most every fruit (that I checked) is very sugary but can make for a nice dessert.  Certain vegetables like carrots or potato have too many carbs to be anything more than a boost when you feel shitty. Red onions have a very small amount of carbs (sugar and fibre work together to your benefit!) and server to replace pasta as a side to a nice steak dinner.

On that note, you need fibre to make your BMs move.  Cutting carbs from your life means your number 2’s go bunny mode…. Take a sugar-free metamucil on any day where you have more meat during a meal than other types of food, or the toilet will be a nightmare.

Meals:

Cutting away pastas, breads, and other sides seems like an insane task but with some discipline and creativity, it's quite manageable.  Breakfast didn't change much: eggs any way (sunny side for me, cheddar omelette for my BF) with bacon or sausage. Lunch was some combination of chicken breast and various salads (so many salad dressings are low or no carb! Read the back!). On steak night, we replace noodles with sauteed red onions fried and seasoning.  Snacktime was usually pre-sliced cheddar cheese (go NUTS that shit is A-OK!), unsalted peanuts (other nuts have marginally more carbs, almonds and sunflower are moderate, check what works for you), or small amounts of beef jerky.  Accompany those snacks with a big drink of water, or if you've had enough of that, certain drinks are acceptable like tea or coffee (with sweetner and high fat milk, skim milk is too sugary), diet sodas, sugarfree drink mix (migo, nestea).  Just remember water, water, water.

Is it worth it? Pros/Cons

Cons:

-HURTS LIEK DRUG WITHDRAWL (you're literally coming down from the lifelong chemical addiction of sugar.  It hurts like Trainspotting)

-MEAT (you will be consuming a lot of animal product)

-POOP (even when you have your metamucil, the toilet can take some time)

-SWEETS (the cravings for your favourite yumyums will almost never stop, it takes monk-like discipline)

-BORING (you can't go out and enjoy meals/drinks with friends and family without them or the restaurant making odd or even crappy exceptions.  Keto menu options are slowly becoming popular though)

-TIRED (the first week or two will be very tedious and you won’t have any energy, even your favourite hobbies may seen unfulfilling for a time)

-ALCOHOL (basically none, unless you like vodka and sugarfree mix, you'll get drunk a lot quicker and end up feeling shittier without carbs in your body to process the liquor)

Pros:

-INSTANT RESULTS (in my first week i lost nearly 10lbs, and then two for every subsequent week. note that, just like any diet, there will be bounce-back)

-APPETITE LOSS (once you get into the swing of this, after the 2 week mark, you’ll find you no longer are pained when your hungry and the bigger cravings subside)

-BUDGET (this is a bit of an odd one and may not necessarily reflect your cost benefits.  Before engaging in this diet, my BF and I discovered we were spending too much money on restaurants and leaving the food in the fridge to waste.  This was primarily because we were too lazy to cook.  Getting off our asses and cooking 6 days of the week made an immediate impact on this for us.  If you already do that, this won't apply.  Concurrently, we spent more money at the grocery store ensuring we always had fresh meat and vegetables; this did net us positive)

-REWARDING MEALS (having to stop and think about what it takes to make a tasty and satisfying meal has forced us to look at things in a different way.  Making yourself and your partner a healthy, supremely tasty meal gets those endorphins peaking)

-EXERCISE (Unnecessary! Your choice! Just note that building muscle increases your weight as muscle weights more than fat)

My fave meals:

-Coffee (reluctantly replacing 1tsp of sugar with a fairy-dust sprinkling of sweetner cos i HATE sweetner, its 20-30x stronger than sugar so you only need 1/20th as much)

-Eggs and bacon!!! (sausage sometimes too)

-Garlic grilled chicken with spinach salad (onions, sliced almonds, feta, dressing)

-Steak and red onions (meat rare and onions grilled with seasoning)

-Spicy ground pork tacos (replace the taco/burrito with large boston lettuce leaves, shredded cheddar, green onions, diced tomato, dab of ranch sauce)

-Baked chicken breast stuffed with ricotta and spinach, topped with parmesan

-Slow-cooked pulled pork slathered with sharp cheddar (just eat with a fork!)

-Baked shrimp with garlic butter and parmesan

-Jalapenos stuffed with ricotta, cream cheese and cheddar, then wrapped in a strip of bacon (great late-night snack)

-Even changing the texture of a cheese can change the taste of the meal.  Shredded cheddar adds a salty bite to a lettuce wrap, grated parmesan can trick a baked chicken breast into thinking its breaded.  creamy cheeses can replace other baking sauces entirely.

-Diet pops (make sure its 0 sugar!), and tea/coffees with sweetner are fine, they do contain a lot of sodium though, make sure to drink 1-for-1 with water (meaning: every diet coke or tea you have, accompany it with the same amount of plain water so your body can process it and pee it out).

Variations/Control:

Vitamins: It should be noted that I take a daily multivitamin (C3+D) as I generally don't get enough sun or fruits.  I highly recommend you take these just in general. They help keep skin soft and blemish free (I initially began taking these because of acne on upper arms and it cleared within days).

Activity: As briefly mentioned earlier, I began shifting from sedentary (not moving much, sitting for hours a day) to a more active lifestyle about 2-3 years ago. This entailed a personal regimen of making an attempt at physical activity approximately half the days of the month (period week was generally excluded).  Every other day I would attempt one of the following: walking at least 2km, 15-20m of floor exercises (‘lady push-ups’, sit-ups), 15-20m of time on the indoor bike, or an hour of house related chores (lifting, laundry, cleaning, anything that involves getting sweaty).  In addition to these, yoga is peppered into my lifestyle as frequently as possibly, particularly in the morning before breakfast. On days where i'm unable to exercise, I at least attempt the basic yoga poses to stave off my (no-longer chronic) back pain.

[violetlunette]

EDIT: I see that these old posts are getting attention. Please keep in mind that these anti-lov posts were written before I knew the whole story and I was recovering from an extremely tense time. As such, these are inaccurate due to lack of information.

So, I’ve been seeing people say that Bakagou is worse than the League of Villains.

Really. A kid that was a bully is worse than an organization of kidnappers, murderers, and TERRORISTS?

Guy. Guy, please. Don’t do this. Don’t stir my moral pot and make me defend Bakagou—sigh.

Bakugou Critical and Bakugou defenses below. Both parties have been warned.

Severe anti-League of Villains below.

Okay, look; I will be the first to admit that Bakagou pulled shit in the past,t and the writing lets him get off with a lot. (Those will get their own posts.) However, all the damage he’s done can be repented for. And in his own way, he is trying to grow. However, he’s taking the long way (the VERY long way) because Bakagou very rarely, if ever called out on his shit. Name one time Bakagou was called out for his actions before UA. And even at UA when does he get more than a slap on the wrist? Not to mention the VERY few times people call him out they always cover it up by saying, that’s just Bakagou, or admiring his determination. It’s like a dog pissing on the couch, and you raise your voice for a minute, then give them a treat a second later. If you don’t teach them, they’re just gonna keep pissing all over the place.

“Well, he should just naturally know this” not really. While there’s no canonical evidence that Bakagou was abused, it is shown they have a very volatile way of expressing their feelings. So it’s only natural that Bakagou may have a bit of confusion about how to deal with others and how to express himself.

Because of all of these factors, Bakagou has to learn what he’s doing wrong on his own.

While I feel Bakagou has a long way to go, he does show remorse and, in his Bakagou way, is making a minimum effort. He is SLOWLY understanding what he is doing wrong. More than that, while the damage to Izuku can’t be fixed it can be healed over time. The damage the villains did can’t. Do you know why? You can’t fix dead people.

Now, the League of assholes I’ll admit are more sympathetic than Bakagou, but they do NOT hold the moral high ground.

Whatever sad story they have they caused damage that can’t be forgiven. Why? Because the dead can’t forgive. Tago killed 13 teenage boys (unless Hori changed that as well). Dabi killed 30 people—delinquents or not, he still hunted them down with the intent to kill just to get at Endeavor. And then there’s everyone who died during the hospital raid.

Death is still a big thing in this world, everyone knows that and understands the pain it brings, which is why even heroes only kill as a LAST resort.

Nearly everyone in the league KNEW what they were doing was wrong, they just used the pain of their own past to justify it. Tago knew killing people was bad, but didn’t want to suppress the part of her that craved blood. Dabe knew the same thing, but he only cared about making his father pay. Even Twice knew that committing his crimes of vandalism, theft, and assault was wrong, but did it anyway because he was angry that he was fired and tossed out on the streets.

(That being said Twice was one of the villains that could have been redeemed, which is what makes his death tragic. Tago—as much as I loathe her, I’m willing to give a SMALL pass to her as she basically never got help for the BNHA equivalent of her mental illness.)

Now, Shiggy is the ONLY member with a get-out-of-jail-free card as he has the excuse of being brainwashed his whole life. (And Kurogiri, I guess as he’s a reprogrammed animated corpse, but I digress.) But the others? They knew the consequences of their actions and did it anyway. Everyone who died or were hurt in the hospital raid? The destruction of Japan? All the pain afterward? That’s all on them.

Again, Bakagou did bad, and his writing frustrates me. I’m upset that he never had to face the consequences of his bullying, and no. The sludge villain incident and his latest wound from the villains don’t count. Neither was karma. It was the wrong place, wrong time for the first, and the second one is just a severe injury from a brainwashed villain. Now, if the villain was, oh say, the kid from the first chapter that Bakagou was beating on before Izuku intervened, then that would be karma. As is, it’s just a consequence of Bakagou being reckless. (Which he should have learned his lesson about, but I digress.) But I digress.

Bakagou is annoying (to some), but he—and the majority of the heroes—still have the moral high ground over the villains. 

And if we’re going to but the two on a scale, I’ll side with Bakagou over the terrorists who don’t care about the people they hurt.

[100-yardstare]

Ugh, not sure what to do...

So now that I have an official diagnosis of Dysautonomia I have been trying to navigate my life with a focus on working with my body and knowing my limits. I’ve been working since the start of the pandemic full-time that started out completely remote, but recently they have been slowly increasing our in-person work. We have to do some office coverage, but not there is WAYYY more driving involved (like an hour MINIMUM) to get where I need to be, which is like all the way across town. For me that’s like 140 miles round trip, and they want us to start doing this for work more frequently.

I also have to use my own car for this job, and my poor car is almost 20 years old and I don’t think it is going to make it that much longer. On top of my illness, I don’t know if I am going to be able to keep this up.

Management and HR know I have an illness although my doc and I at the time agreed that it was best to be vague when describing this to protect my personal information from the company. But either way, HR literally told me that if I cannot keep up with the job requirements then I’d be let go. So basically did NOT offer me accommodations and just said to shove it up my ass.

I’ve had people tell me just to not do everything they are asking me to do in order to protect my health, and risk getting fired. After all I started out 100% remote so the drastic change in work is unacceptable, especially for someone with my condition trying to figure things out. But if I lose my job, I not only lose my only source of income, but I lose my insurance which I need to get treatment and upkeep my doctors visits. The fact that work is asking this of me, all the while holding my life in my hands is evil and I fucking hate this. I have been looking for remote work for a solid 9 months now and while I’ve gotten plenty of interviews for hybrid roles, I cannot land a role I NEED to function and stay in the workforce. Preferably I have been looking for something that will mentally engage me, like writing, editing (been trying for entry-level Grant/Proposal work) but no luck so far.

If I had to make a short-term goal here and now, it would be to try and push through this bullshit at least through November so my primary testing with my doctor is complete. But I’m scared of quitting and not having an income without anything lined up. Not to mention IF I’ll even get another job after this. Everything is so weird right now with finding work.

[httpsaiki]

Congrats on 300 love! I don’t think I’ve requested something yet from you even though I love your writing! Anyway, could I request a fic where Teruhashi and the (fem)reader are dating(usually I don’t mind what pronouns the reader has but for this one it’s kinda relevant. But you can make it gender neutral if you want)? So the two have been dating for a few months. The reason Teruhashi entered this relationship wasn’t because of “love” but because she wanted to get her fans off her back and what better was to do that than enetering a relationship with another girl. She this that it may help get her male fans off her and at first it’s great. Then the reader starts to see the relationship declining. At first Teruhashi was sweet and kind but now she is kind of rude to the reader, saying things like how she is embarrassing her or that if Teruhashi is so perfect why isn’t her s/o capable of being that way too. Mean ik (I don’t like Teruhashi if you couldn’t tell), the reader is also dealing with comments from her fans saying that the relationship is a charity case and such so she is feeling horrible in the relationship. A fight happens between the two and mean stuff is said. They break up and the reader isn’t taking it well. Not because she is upset she isn’t in the relationship cause she is happy to be out but because of the backlash from fans. Seeing this either Kuboyasu (jabjshsk I love him sm) or Saiki (love him too) comfort her and they begin to hang out more till they start to date. The two are now in a healthy and loving relationship and the reader gets to see what that feels like and how that wasn’t what she had with Teruhashi... I really just write this whole fic out lmao. I was going to write it but I’m simply lazy and I wanted to request something from you. As always ignore this or change anything if you don’t like it an take your time please don’t rush or stress yourself out. Ily hun❤️❤️

Hi!! Thank you so much <3! I wanted to say that I adore this request and honestly was ready to drop everything to write it, what an amazing idea you have here! I’m worried I focused a little too much on the Teruhashi part but, man, I’m a sucker for angst so it was a lot of fun. I think I may have gone a little overboard, as I don’t think I’ve written something this long before. I’m sorry if it’s wrong or not quite what you wanted. Thank you so so much for this request, I love it!

Small edit: I forgot to add I picked Saiki for this, as I think I write him a bit better than Kuboyasu!

— Reader is female! Warnings for slight angst, break up, fighting.

WC: 3041

Italics are Saiki “speaking” telepathically.

Teruhashi is the perfect pretty girl, on the outside at least. —————————————————–

“So, what I’m trying to say is… Y/N, will you be my girlfriend?” Teruhashi asked on the rooftop one fateful evening after school. She looked as gorgeous as ever, trying to hide her slightly blushing face as she avoided your eyes. The wind was blowing gently through her hair, causing it to sway ever so slightly to one side. The sun was setting behind her, giving her an even more angelic glow to her appearance. You said yes, of course, how could you not? It was magical, especially when it was from the world’s prettiest girl. There was no way you could reject her.

The perfect couple. That’s how it appeared to be. For some time, that’s even how it was.

Teruhashi Kokomi. Your stunning, admirable, and perfect girlfriend. She’s amazing. A few months ago when she asked you to be her girlfriend you were exhilarated. The thought of dating what many considered to be the perfect girl was a chance you knew you just couldn’t pass up. All the time spent with her felt like cloud nine, she made sure you were happy no matter what, and of course, you tried to do the same for her. Her reputation truly held up, even in private.

Over those months, it amazed you what a wonderful girlfriend she was, having seemingly endless affection and love for you. It felt like she was more in tune with your emotions than you’d ever been. She was always ready to listen to your problems, whether you just wanted to vent or needed solutions. She was such a giver in the relationship that you even felt a little bad about it.

She knew that, but she’d never tell you. Not yet, anyway.

So many precious memories flashed through your mind as you thought about her. From getting ice cream on hot summer days to study dates amid a cold, snowy winter (where there wasn’t as much studying as there was cuddling). All the late nights you had spent with her, talking about everything and yet nothing. Video calls at the bright and early hours of the mornings just so she could get your opinion on what she should wear for the day. Every little thing you did together seemed as perfect as Teruhashi herself.

So where had it all gone wrong?

The relationship seemed like it was going great. What happened? What had you done wrong? Recently, Teruhashi had been acting anything but herself. She’s been aggressive, rude, and not interested in anything to do with your relationship at all. She’d avoid you, ignore your calls and texts. When she did see you, she’d throw insult after insult your way, blaming you for problems that were far from in your control, ones that her in her life, not yours. But that wasn’t even the half of it.

What made it even worse? That was only in private. In public, whenever she was with you (or without) she put on her little show of being Miss Perfect. You don’t know how you didn’t see through it before, looking back it was so obvious how fake it was. While in public you were sometimes able to convince yourself she still loved you, clinging onto a desperate hope that things weren’t nearly as bad as reality would tell you. Maybe she was just having a rough time? Her life must be hard, with the constant stalking and fans harassing her along with the need to keep everything in her life completely in order. She must just be tired of it and need somewhere to vent her anger. You didn’t mind being that person, but just not like this. You couldn’t always expect her to be perfect, and you hadn’t. You did your best to make it clear to her from the start that you didn’t need her to be perfect all the time and that you’d be there no matter what. If she wanted to relax in private with you, she was more than welcome to. She never did.

You had it rough, too. Her fan club was constantly harassing you as well. They called you names worse than she did, and had gone to extreme lengths just to get you to break up with her. They stole your things, drew on your desk, and were all-around horrible towards you. They claimed the only reason Teruhashi was dating someone like you was that she pities you, Teruhashi could do so much better. Deep down, you knew that may be the case, but she still asked you out for a reason, right? You never once complained about it, nor told Teruhashi. It would be okay in the end, and being with her was worth it.

Looking back, the red flags were there from the start. It would’ve been better if you caved to the fan club’s wishes from the beginning.

Your arguments seemed to only get worse with time. Insults being thrown your way more than once a day. During a particularly bad argument, she expressed how she felt she was the only one keeping the relationship alive, the only one that truly cared. For the first time, you fought back.

“How could you say such a thing! I do my best for you, I’m sorry we can’t all be Miss Perfect! I try so hard and yet it’s never good enough, is it?” You yelled in frustration, your voice was a lot louder and far more powerful than you intended. Teruhashi was visibly taken aback, despite her constant berating, you had never once raised your voice at her. She paused for a moment, clearly to think. You could easily tell just what she was thinking about.

You had no idea she’d been keeping track of everything you told her. Well, you did, but you never imagined your insecurities would be used against you in the way Teruhashi has been. Screaming them, bringing them up to your face, and forcing you to face them without warning. Using them to insult you, making them worse, and letting them dig deeper into the back of your mind. 

Her face contorted in anger, even angrier than before. Listing things “wrong” with you as if her life depended on it, Teruhashi began her angry ranting. She wanted to get it across to you that she’s perfect and you’re far from that. She listed everything you’d ever done that irked her, every annoying thing you’ve said, and every problem you’ve ever told her about. She mocked emotions you’d told her in confidence and confessed that she always found them dramatic and ridiculous. She expressed how embarrassing it was to be seen in public with you, how she should only be seen with people on the same level as herself. If that wasn’t enough, she dealt one last finishing blow.

“I never loved you anyway.”

She turned and she left, slamming the door to your house shut behind her.

Your mind went blank and you barely noticed your knees hitting the floor as you collapsed to the ground. You didn’t realize you were crying until you felt the tears soaking into your shirt. You couldn’t see nor hear, everything around you felt numb and dark. Did she really mean all of that? There was no way you were that bad of a girlfriend to her. 

Why did you still not want to break up?

Days passed and you still hadn’t left your bedroom, let alone your house. Your phone was blown up with texts from your friends, asking if you were sick. You learned from glancing at a few of the messages that Teruhashi had told them that. Reading her name hurt, it made you feel ill as you remembered what had happened a mere few days ago.

Your phone dinged once again. You reached out and grabbed it with a weak grasp, not having the energy to do more than the bare minimum. The name on your screen made a wave of nausea come over you, the content of the message not helping either.

From: Kokomi♡

I’m coming over.

You really needed to change that contact name. That wasn’t what was important, though. Why was she coming here? What else could she possibly need from you, and what on earth else could you possibly offer? You didn’t have much time to think about it, you needed to appear at least somewhat put together by the time she got here.

Your hair was just finished drying as you pulled on clean clothes. You made sure the entrance and living room areas of your house were clean, along with the kitchen. The knock at the door sounded so familiar, Teruhashi always knocked the same way. It sent chills down your spine. Pulling on the best neutral face you could muster and forcing your legs to move, you opened the door.

She looked different. There was no glow to her anymore. She’d never looked less like an angel in your eyes. Even compared to when she’d been yelling at you. It was jarring, almost like she’s a total stranger. It’ll make talking to her easier, you mused.

You wordlessly invited her in, stepping aside as she avoided eye contact and made her way to sit in the living room. Even once you were sat in front of her, she still wouldn’t look at you. You couldn’t tell if that was because she felt shame or disgust. You just hoped it wasn’t the latter.

“What do you need?” You started the conversation, keeping your voice as steady as you could muster. You were quite impressed with how well you were doing.

“We need to break up.” She stated, still not looking up. You rolled your eyes.

“As if I’d stay with you after that.” You spit out, trying to keep your words from sounding too venomous. A moment of silence, you could feel your heartbeat quicken in your chest. The nerves were starting to get to you and one of you needed to say something before the panic could set in. Luckily, Teruhashi did.

“They were right, you know - the fan club?” She said quietly.

“What?” You were surprised, she knew about that?

“It was like a charity case. I only dated you to get them off my back. Didn’t work though. Shame.” Her voice was calm, way too calm to be saying something so harsh. She was fine just ending your relationship like that, no matter what you’d been through together.

“Oh... of course.” She really had never loved you. You were just a tool she could use to escape the mindless drones that claimed to support her. So it all had meant nothing. It was just too good to be true. 

She stood and wordlessly left, walking out of your life for good. Good riddance.

Your pain was only beginning to set in. You couldn’t care less that she broke up with you, you were miserable dating her anyways. No, the hardest part was you would be truly alone now. You knew once word got out that she broke up with you the whole school would blame you. There’s no way their perfect pretty princess could do wrong. It hurt to think about it, you’d probably lose your friends over this. There was one person, though, just maybe one person you could talk to.

Saiki Kusuo. An average looking boy, he didn’t stand out much. You had been friends with him months ago before you dated Teruhashi but she forced you to stop talking to him when you started dating. You never understood why, but she eventually told you that it’s because she used to like him before she got with you and she found it awkward for you to talk to him. You understood. The guilt ate you alive, but you complied. From that day on, you’d never again spoken a word to him.

You could tell just by looking at him he wasn’t like everyone else. He didn’t fawn all over Teruhashi when she entered a room and maybe that’s what drew you to him right now. He’d be the perfect friend, someone that wasn’t obsessed with her. You just hoped he’d forgive you.

“Hey, Saiki?” You asked, shyly walking up to him. He glanced up at you, an uninterested expression plastered on his face. He wasn’t visibly upset by you, but that only made you more nervous. You have no idea what he’s thinking. Realizing he wasn’t going to reply, you continued talking.

“I was just wondering if you’d be willing to have lunch with me. I-I know we haven’t spoken in a while but there are some things I’d like to clear up.”

Saiki knew exactly why you stopped talking to him. He wasn’t going to blame you for that, either. It wasn’t your fault. Sure, he was a little upset about it, you were someone whose presence he actually could tolerate. You were nice to talk to, mainly because you knew when was a good time and when to stop. Traits Saiki greatly admired and appreciated in a person. He might have even liked you a little.

He wasn’t about to let you go. Not as easy as the first time. “Sure.” 

His response was curt and blunt, but you couldn’t help the small smile that graced your features. It was your first genuine smile in months. Maybe the whole world wouldn’t be completely against you.

“Thank you.” You stated simply, turning to sit back in your seat. It seemed like such a meaningless thanks, but Saiki knew there was more behind it than that.

Lunch came quickly enough and before you knew it you were eating under a tree with Saiki. You explained everything that happened over the last couple of months, how awfully you’d been treated behind the scenes. You apologized more than necessary for abandoning Saiki, trying to convey that you didn’t want to, but your ex-girlfriend had somewhat forced you to. 

Saiki was forgiving, and far more understanding than he needed to be about the situation you were in along with the one you found yourself in now. Deep down, he was happy to have you back. Even if you weren’t super close before, he wanted to help you feel better and get over the torturous relationship you had just left.

So Saiki was there for you. The little lunch meets becoming a daily occurrence and he did his best to keep the Teruhashi fan club away from you. Talking to Saiki felt different, it was like he was genuinely listening and cared about what you told him. He was eager to help and aided as much as he could in your recovery.

Weeks passed as the routine kept up. On the weekends you’d meet for dessert and studying. Everything you did with Saiki felt right, it felt safe and healthy. You hadn’t realized how suffocating your old relationship was - even during the good days. 

It wasn’t until Saiki asked you out and you said yes that you truly experienced what being loved felt like. It was late, well after the sun went down. Saiki had snuck into your house, claiming that his parents were being annoying but you knew that was a cover for the fact he missed you. There was no way they were awake these early hours of the morning. He saw your tired face under the dim light that peaked in from your window, as you woke up from his sudden appearance in your bedroom. Saiki felt a small rush. He needed to tell you. Now.

“Y/N” He spoke. 

“Saiki?” The confusion was evident in your voice, “You spoke?” You were clearly tired after being disrupted from your sleep. Never having heard him speak before wasn’t helping with your state.

“Yeah.” He whispered, reaching a hand out to brush the hair out of your eyes, letting it linger on your cheek. It was a little more than platonic, just like the look in his eyes.

“I really like you, Y/N.” He whispered once again, so quiet you almost didn’t hear it. 

But you did. Your eyes shot open, blinking a little in surprise. There was no way he just said that, you must be dreaming. There was no way this pink-haired boy that made you feel more than anyone else ever had was standing in your bedroom, at four o’clock in the morning saying he likes you.

You sat up, “You really mean that?” It came out without you intending it to. It probably sounded rude, but you were far beyond the point of being awake enough to care.

“Yeah.” He said, a small chuckle coming out, “I do.”

You didn’t say anything, all you did was slide back on your bed, making room for Saiki and open your arms. He took the hint and made himself comfortable next to you. He let out a small sigh, doubting he’d be able to sleep like this despite his relaxation. He wanted to protect you for as long as he could. He stared at you, probably a little more than he should. Saiki couldn’t help it, his eyes wouldn’t leave your form. You looked like you belonged in his arms, or so he thought. He was having a hard time processing his happiness at your figure in his arms. It had always been you, he was well aware of that now. 

“You still awake?” he asked, going back to his telepathic communication. You mumbled a small yes, prompting him to continue talking. “Thank you,” he started, “for asking me to sit with you at lunch that one day. For coming back to me.”

You let out a tired giggle, “You missed me.”

“I did.” He felt you tense when you said that as if you were shocked to hear it. That didn’t surprise him, he had his doubts you were told you were cared about enough, especially in your last relationship.

Looking down at you once again, he realized you’d fallen asleep. A smile grew on his lips as he made a silent promise to show you what real love feels like. He’d cherish you to the moon and back. It’s what you deserve and he was going to give it to you.

[asexualone]

Signs I should have known I was aro: Marriage edition

My aunt got married last weekend. It had been a dream of mine ever since I was 10, to have a married aunt (and with kids) like everyone else. Almost a decade later, I don't particularly care anymore. It was a childish dream anyway, it doesn't affect me in any way. I do hope my aunt is happy, though. I want what's best for her.

BUT her wedding had me thinking — or rather, remembering — how much I don't want to get married.

As a child, I used to daydream of my own wedding day. Not in detail, just the idea of it. As I grew up, that idea started loosing its appeal to me. To the point where I just couldn't see myself married one day, let alone with kids *shudders*

At the age of 15, I decided I wouldn't marry at all. The possibility that I might find someone special and change my mind is something I never dismissed entirely, of course. I still used to get "crushes" back then, which I thought meant I could get a partner some day.

Less than 5 years later, I still don't want to get married. That decision is now dabbed up by my aroace identity. But it also serves as a living proof that no one is "too young and immature" to discover such things or make such decisions about oneself. I didn't "change my mind as I grew up" like adults say, and I doubt I'm ever going to.

I haven't told my family, though. Just like I haven't come out to them and probably never will. But I'm constantly slipping my distaste for a partner into our conversations. My relatives probably brush me off, but they'll remember my words when I truly don't get myself a spouse. Hopefully, they won't be as surprised or disappointed. I don't care, as long as they don't make me feel like shit about it and force me to distance myself from them.

If you are from Eastern Europe or know a few things about our culture, then you know exactly what kind of wedding I attended. Marriage is veryyyy important where I'm from. As such, everyone who congratulated my aunt's marriage to me, always managed to add a wish or two about my supposedly future wedding. Saying things like, "It's your turn now" or "I hope you too find someone special" and similar crap to that.

It's just how things are in my country. Everyone likes to play matchmaker. And not the cute "can I introduce you to someone" version. The one where the matchmaker slips your name, age and address to a suitor they are acquainted with and next thing you know, that man is in your house for a "visit", checking you out like a cow for sale in the market and seeing if you'd make a good wife or not.

Messed up, I know. To those relatives and their wishes, I only gave a pinched smile, trying to keep my disrespect levels at a minimum. Usually, I don't think ill of their words. But when they get repetitive, they tend to hurt because they imply that a spouse means ultimate happiness. And that's just NOT TRUE. I can be happy and complete just fine on my own. I can't explain this to them — it'd be like talking to a rock.

Anyway, to recap my opinion on marriage: unnecessary. I see no need for anyone to get married. It seems like an excuse people in failing relationships use to stay together. My aunt married that man after knowing him for less than two years, without so much as trying to co-live with him for a while and especially after they had many fights that were never truly resolved. I don't know how their marriage will turn out, but I just hope for the best. Either way, it's not my problem.

I've despised the idea of marriage for a while now. And not just because I've always been surrounded by people in unhappy, failed marriages. There are many other reasons, some of them aforementioned.

But what I didn't see is that it wasn't marriage. It is the idea of a partner I didn't like. The idea of being tied to someone like that, while freedom is something I've been craving ever since I realized how shitty and suffocating my life was. I should have realized my romantic orientation wasn't all that "normal", for lack of a better word.

P.S This post is NOT meant to invalidate the institution of marriage, nor the people who love it or are married and content. I adore it when I see couples, happily married and in love. It makes me feel like happiness is real and can be achieved in all forms. If you want to get married, good for you. I hope you find your happiness. This post is meant to be relatable to aros like me. To us who think that a relationship would be restricting instead of liberating.

Also, not wanting to get married doesn't necessarily mean one is aromantic. There are many allos who chose to avoid marriage, it isn't solely an aro thing. But, as all my aro/ace editions are, this too depicts one more way that helped me on the discovery of my orientation.

[cringe-central]

Love Languages

The Lost Boys: Seperate

Giving vs. Recieving

A/N: Im so sorry this took so long to complete. I just started a new job so things may take longer, but ill still be writing. The next fic will most likely be poly with you and the boys getting together. 

David

Giving: Gifts

David enjoys giving gifts that remind you of who you belong to. He's not good with emotions so giving momentos, to David, is a good way of showing his love.

David gives gifts to show you that even if he isn't around, he's thinking about you. He also uses gifts as an excuse to take care of you. He views himself as your protector and wants you to know that he can and will provide for you. 

If he sees you looking at something for just a little too long, he will totally pay for it, legally, with money. He definitely won’t steal it if that's what you're thinking. But whether it's gained via dubious means or not, it's yours. David is basically a criminally inclined sugar daddy. 

If you make an off comment about being hungry? You're getting food. You tell him he doesn't have to get something for you? That's too bad, it's not even a question to David, you're getting taken care of. 

David just wants to provide and protect, just let the boy take care of you the only way he knows how.

Receiving: Physical affection

David is very touch starved under all that angst, pride, and daddy issues. Although he wont admit it, he needs to be given affection, badly. 

Before he met you it never bothered him, he had the boys and he didn't need more than that. But when you came into his life, and you held his face in your hands? He realized how much he missed being held by another.

He's never thought highly of humanity, but your warmth pressed against him and feeling the steady rise and fall of your chest under his hand hits him in his cold, undead heart.

In public, PDA is kept at a minimum with David so he can keep up his rough and tough persona. He acts annoyed when you get clingy, but it's painfully obvious that he actually adores it. If you want to force him to hold your hand he'll complain about it, but he wouldn't dare move away from you.

In private however, all bets are off. Chairs aren't allowed, you're either on his lap or laying on top of him. Worry about his legs falling asleep? Don’t, he's already dead, they physically can't fall asleep. You aren't going anywhere sweetheart. If you're standing? He's wrapping his arms around your stomach.

If for some reason he moves his hands away while cuddling and you bring his hands back, He swears he can almost feels his heart start beating again. He finds you adorable when you're like this. It makes David smile when he sees your look of mock offense when he takes his arms away from you.

Cuddle this man. He may try to act all tough and intimidating, but he just wants to be held.

Dwayne

Giving: Acts of Service

Dwayne likes making your life easier, he's not a big talker but he knows that actions often speak louder than words.

He's a vampire, so the biggest stress factor the boys have is being found out and staked, but other than that he and the boys live a carefree life. He knows being a human is often very difficult. Picking up on your stressors and helping make your life easier is how he shows affection best. 

Often if you're really busy, Dwayne will pick up food for you and make you take a break before helping you finish what you were doing. If you feel unwell in the slightest he’ll be there in a second to take care of you. Dwayne is also very tall, and will always get things down from above without even needing to be asked, it's basically a reflex at this point. 

 It's not uncommon for Dwayne to finish those last edits of an essay you were writing. He'd do more than that but he knows you'd be upset with him if he did. If you worry about taking advantage of him, Dwayne assures you that isn't the case. Taking that weight off of your shoulders makes him feel not only wanted, but needed.

Dwayne needs to know he's taking care of you, he's never been one to show love through words but you never go a day without feeling it.

Receiving: Quality Time

Ever since you and Dwayne became a couple, you've been the first thought in his head every morning, wanting to get feedings done sooner so he could spend time with you.

Dwayne has a lot of free time on his hands and during the time he spends with you, every possible ounce of attention you could give him was given. He adored those long conversations where you went on and on about whatever your current hyperfixation was. Even if you felt as if you annoyed him by simply rambling about a topic, he found those moments intimate and special.

Museum and Bookstore dates were very common between the two of you. Debates and deep conversations were a favorite of his, you both respected each other and your opinions. 

For museums, he would watch you stare at the exhibits in wonder while he told you of what history he remembered in certain pieces. Though he wasn't too old by vampiric standards, you would ask him all sorts of questions about the eras he's lived in. He's very quiet, but it's on these dates where you can get him going.

Bookstore dates are quieter, there was one a little ways away from the hotel that stayed open later into the night. Once a week, you and Dwayne would try to get there as soon as possible and stay there until they kicked you out. You would buy (definitely not steal) books and walk back to the beach or, if it was particularly cold, back to the cave. You two would then read them and discuss the book until the next bookstore date.

Paul

Giving: Physical Touch 

Paul loves giving affection, he takes offense to any moment spent without his S/O in his arms. He knows his reputation, and keeping you close shows that you're not to be fucked with. Many girls may try to get his attention, but they will never be the ones on Paul's hip and you take that as a badge of pride.

Paul enjoys the summer, his cool body is perfect for giving a lot of cuddles during that time. The colder months are heavily disliked by both you and him because of you body needing to stay warm, but Paul gives the best hugs, to the point where you begin to crave his touch.

Paul's worst fear is you feeling ignored or unloved; if you two have been physically distant he will immediately rectify it as soon as he can. This boy will never let his S/O go un-snuggled. Every time you're upset you are swept into Paul’s lap with your head tucked under his chin.

When you're at the boardwalk, your hand is always in his or his arm is around your shoulders. If you two are sitting down then you'll be in his lap. The boys may tease him about it but he doesn't mind, he's proud to show you off. 

Paul is a himbo at the end of the day, he's not good with words and has said the wrong thing before, but through his actions you are shown how truly loved and valued you are to him.

Receiving: Words of Affirmation

Paul is a very literal person, he enjoys when you tell him what's on your mind, and he adores listening to you talk. Listening to you talk is the highlight of his night.

Even though Paul shows love through physicality, he needs to be told the words I love you. The first time you told him those three simple words he became pretty emotional. He couldn't remember the last time someone genuinely told him he was loved, and here you were confirming your mutual affections for each other. He's so soft for you man. 

You always tell him how much he is admired and adored as you hold his face in your hands, and Paul melts every single time. He finds a lot more pride in his clothing and hair after you rave about how amazing he looks.

He values what you say above everyone else's opinion, and if you like the new thing he did with his eyeliner you notice he does it significantly more. Paul is the definition of jokester, but when you tell him what he said made you laugh he takes it to heart. 

Paul loves being a vampire, but sometimes he needs you to say you aren't afraid of him. That despite what he is, you still feel safe around him. Even the toughest of people feel insecure sometimes and you're willing to do whatever he needs to feel okay again.

Marko

Giving: Physical affection

There's a reason him and Paul are best friends, sometimes a bro needs a hug. And though his motto was always ‘bros before hoes’ something was missing. There was a level of affection he longed to give, but never could. 

When he met you and he was finally able to give those romantic affections, he went overboard. Always holding you and touching you in some way, you weren't let out of his grasp for weeks. Any time you needed to leave the cave to go home, Marko would whine and beg you to stay with him for a little while longer. Any time he could convince you to stay the night, he would be ecstatic. 

Marko is very happy to know that someone loves him for him, and he is determined to show that in every single moment of your relationship. If you had a distant boyfriend before? Destroy those expectations, because you got the clingiest vampire in the lost boys. 

He loves to scent mark on you, a giant vampire thing, it's like a drug to this angel faced sweetheart. Having his scent melding with yours as you two roam the boardwalk drives the boy insane. Marko is very possessive, and he can't help but nuzzle into your neck or wrap his arms around your torso so that everyone knows you're taken. 

Much like his best friend, Marko is also a himbo. He needs you close to him and if you aren't he becomes whiny. The next time you see him, you won't be leaving his grasp any time soon.

Receiving: Gift giving

Marko is an artistic being and he appreciates gifts that have effort put into them. Things that are bought are nice, but if you spent hours making something? He doesn't care what it is, he will love it.

If you made him a bracelet, he'd wear it every day. If you paint, you'd notice pieces of art taped onto the wall, growing with every piece you make him. If you bake? What you make him is gone in a day. His favorite gifts however are the patches you make him, sewing them on and admiring the intricate detail put into each one. 

Everything you make him or give him is valued, keeping anything and everything tangible in a wooden box that Marko painted himself. He protects that box with his life, keeping it in the most protected place in the cave.

If you write him letters he stores them in the box and he reads them by the fire pits when he can't sleep, which helps him get some shuteye. He treasures every little thing you give him, but to Marko, you are the true gift. Each of those momentos being a simple reminder of the wonderful being who made them.

[mrhrmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr]

Matchups and headcannons (on hold)

I have no idea how people do the fancy format for their posts with pictures and stuff.

Anyways, I’m bored, and have to much time on my hands, so I’m gonna do these.

I don’t have a lot of followers, but I will keep them open anyways.

Uh yeah so rules and stuff:

Animes I will do for: BNHA/MHA, Haikyū!!, Demon Slayer/KNY, HxH, Sk8 the Infinity, Attack on Titan, if there’s a specific one not on here I can try my best, no promises.

SFW headcannons will be made, no more than 2 characters/2 anime’s per request.

Bare minimum: gender/pronouns, your preference of gender, at least 2 facts about you.

Preferably things like interests, personality, like/dislikes, anything your comfortable with really I don’t care, you can describe how you look aswell, stuff like that. Less signs though (such as Pisces, Taurus, Capricorn etc.. I don’t know much about those.)

Anon’s are allowed, If you choose to go Anon, please pick an emoji if you plan on staying/asking for another matchup so I can remember who is who.

Have at it. edit: This might be a bit confusing so I am gonna explain more <:

If you choose 2 anime’s, you will get 1 character matchup for each anime. You can send multiple asks, and if you are unhappy with the first one(s) you got.

You can put mental illnesses/disabilities/disorders you have, some i may not go to into detail with,

(I personally only have experience with neurodivergence- mostly adhd, and anxiety, but I will try/do at least a little bit of research if that’s something you put in your ask. If you are comfortable with it and do choose to put that sort of thing in your ask, it would be helpful if you could put things you struggle with such as sensory issues perhaps, trouble sleeping..etc etc..)

One last thing for now, it would be helpful to me if when writing your asks, you could break it into smaller pieces instead of giant chunks of words. It makes it easier for me to read and process, so I don’t miss anything important.

<3

[phoenotopia]

The Last Phoenotopia Blog Update

(Date 2021 MAR 01)

I debated how to open this blog post, but perhaps the main crux of this blog post is the best place to start. The blog is being retired.

The purpose of this blog was to be a "development" blog for Phoenotopia, and well, Phoenotopia's development is done. I'll still be doing bug fixes and maintenance on the PC and Switch versions, and playstation and xbox ports are underway (by a publisher). But I'm not going to be making any more major changes to the game. At some point, you put the paintbrush down and say it's done. Blemishes and all.

Recent Events

The game launched on Steam last month, and like any launch, it was hectic. Bugs Galore. This is our first commercial PC launch, so it was a real baptism by fire. Unlike Switch's one configuration, the PC has multiple configurations and factors to account for. The game needed to be able to handle multiple control schemes, screen resolutions, refresh rates, and more! I had a 60Hz monitor going into launch and didn't know anything about Hz (I do now). There was a troublesome stutter that some players were sensitive to that my whole team didn't notice since our eyes compensated it away. There were a few times where in fixing something at one party's behest, it introduced problems for another party. A few times, due to disorganization, I unwittingly rolled back a fix that was meant to be applied. For some, the game couldn't play at all (really glad Steam allows refunds).

It was messy. It was tiring. I.AM.BEAT.

I think the worst of it is over... I'll still be around to do the last updates and bug fixes, but I'm ultimately ready for what's next.

SO what is next?

What isn't next... is Phoenotopia 2. As you may have heard down the grapevine, the game couldn't be what you call successful. No one's earned even minimum wage on it.

Maybe there's hope in the game's long tail. A year or two down the line... maybe. I won't hold my breath though. At some point in the past few months, I finished processing (or grieving) and it's time to move on.

The game has at least earned enough for us to continue our modest operations. As long as we don't expand the team, and we don't take another monster six-year dev cycle like what Phoenotopia took, we can continue. We'll have to be smarter and faster. Perhaps the most valuable thing we gained from all this is experience.

The Experience

It is a dev blog. Here are some of the lessons I've accumulated from this game's development.

- Have a good menu design. Menus aren't just that in-between fluff before you get to the good stuff. Menus are KEY. Your menus need to be robust, expandable, and *understandable* (to you, the developer). Because once the game's out, you will invariably be asked to add more options. And if your menu design is bad, every time you have to add a new menu option, it becomes a whole new pain all over again. Support mouse from the get-go, etc.

- Focus on features that people will actually care about. For instance, I've never seen anyone praise the camera's zoom feature. In practice, people try that feature a few times and then never use it again. But that feature was a constant consideration factor for every level. Run through it multiple times to make sure the level didn't break, think about which zoom levels made sense, resize rooms because they worked at one zoom level but not the other, and so on.

- Don't do boxes that you can move around. Other 2D platformers avoid movable boxes because they're a huge headache to program and they really complicate the game space. Enemies need to respond to boxes you throw in their path and either navigate around or attack it. When you're moving the box, you have to worry about constantly changing your collision size and reconciling when the box gets snagged on the environment. The boxes were also a constant source of bugs because people can manipulate them to soft-lock themselves and more.

- More focused script. Phoenotopia's 100,000+ word script was panned more for being bloated than it was praised for being lengthy. Long scripts take a long time to write and make the game more unwieldy, increasing the costs of translation and upkeep. Every update we're addressing some textual error or mistranslation. There are some highly renowned games (e.g. Hyper Light Drifter) that do without a script at all!

- Be flashy! A bat and a lightsaber take the same amount of work to program, but the lightsaber will draw a lot more attention and interest.

- Slopes, surprisingly! Six years ago when I started, Unity was ill-equipped for 2D games. If you used the physics that Unity provided you'd have a really floaty character that wouldn't adhere to the slope when going downhill. There were a hundred different tutorials saying different things (use forces, use move position, use translation, etc). You can get rectangular collisions done in a day, but to do slopes took weeks. Meanwhile, games can actually get by fine without slopes. Most people won't even notice. Did you know the Phoenotopia flash game didn't have slopes? Neither does Hollow Knight or Rogue Legacy. You can save yourself a lot of work by avoiding slopes.

(big entities look weird on slopes. Bad slope!)

I could write enough little knowledge nuggets like this to fill a book! But I'd rather just make the next game. 

So… what IS next?

As mentioned previously, it's not Phoenotopia 2. Pirate and I are mostly just tossing some ideas back and forth right now. We'll go silent for a year (or two). Our next game's scope will be more modest in some ways, more ambitious in others. It will definitely be more smartly designed. (There will be a map!)

We'll announce it when it's ready for the public. It might be necessary for us to do a kickstarter. I've tried to avoid kickstarters having been burnt on quite a few myself and also because I worry that mismanaging a kickstarter would earn the ire of backers.

But I did keep this blog regularly updated for six years. So I've gained some confidence in my abilities to at least manage a kickstarter well.

Is it really the last Phoenotopia Blog update though?

Okay, not really. There is some news that I'll need to announce, and this blog is one of the game's main outreach channels. Here are the events that will cause me to update the blog:

Announcing the launch of the xbox/playstation ports when they're ready

If a physical edition of the game happens

If a new language is getting introduced into the game (Korean is a high possibility)

When we're ready to talk about our next game

If (BIG IF) we begin development on a Phoenotopia sequel. I do want to do a sequel one day if we have the means and the demand is there. 

Those updates will be more on a "when they happen" basis, rather than me reporting in every couple months.

Fan Art

As always, I'm very happy to see fanart of Phoenotopia. Major thanks again to Pimez for collecting all the artwork from the corners of the internet! Since this is the "last" blogpost, Sir Pimez can finally take a rest from collecting the fanart :P

ÆV made a series of pictures that tell a story. A Pooki is humanely sheared of its wool to create a hat. The Pooki is unharmed. Nice! Gotta love Gail’s expressions.

Amagoo Mazeru makes a stunning landscape shot of a full moon and shooting stars. It’s a sharp and clear vector art. I like the faint glow of the moon and the fire and the subtle gradient in the night sky. Very skillfully done!

Hah hah. I got a chuckle out of this one. I imagine this is how Gail's enemies see her by the end of the game. CaESar made this image based on TerminalMontage's famous youtube videos. Nailed it!

CrownStar drew two pictures of Gail. I'm a big player of JRPGs, so the first shot instantly reminded me of Persona 4's art style. (Hmmm... Phoeonotopia as a JRPG... there’s potential there...) Next, Birdy is shown carried off after her defeat. I really like Birdy's expression here - she just seems mildly uncomfortable.

There's a bit of a story behind the first image. As Firanka shares it, she wasn't able to defeat the Big Eye monster at the end of the flash game, so she believed a tall tale that what awaited after was a 6 armed Kobold boss. Hilarious! The second is a rendition of the lonely Anuri elder. A rare subject. The loneliness is portrayed well here. I feel lonely just looking at it!

Koo_chop draws the clash between Gail and Katash at the top of the towers. I really like this interpretation of the game's art style. It’s faithful to the in-game graphics. And the lighting, from the glow of Gail's bat, to Katash's sword, and the lightning in the background... Amazing!

Lime Hazard shows Gail with a salute pose. Very appropriate for this occasion. I also like how there's a slight tilt in the angle that Gail is portrayed. Those dynamic angles are always hard to get right, and Lime Hazard pulled it off very skillfully. See you next mission!

Lyoung0J with a digital painting of Gail posed sitting on a rock. I like how it almost seems like she was caught in a candid moment - she’s smiling, but also feeling self-conscious. Cute! The art style really pops, and I like how Gail is sporting what I call the old anime style nose. 

MyUesrNameIsSh*t with a sketch of Gail performing a skillful slingshot. I like how Gail is depicted with her tongue out in a mischievous manner, the way all mischievous people with slingshots do.

Niitsu Kentaro returns with a 2021 Happy New Year picture. That happened didn't it? A New Year... Gail's pose gave me a chuckle with how she seems to be waving the bat around as casually as one would wave hello. And "Phoenotopiyear"... Well said! One day we'll have our Phoenotopiyear...

Ochan Nu breaks all records with a stunning NINE pictures in one session :O

There's so many goodies here. My favorite would be the one with Gail staring intently at the screen - it's like she's looking directly at you. You almost feel uncomfortable.

Next, there's an Animal Crossing villager dressed as Gail and sporting her pink hair. It even looks like a house Gail would live in. Gail is a connoisseur of the arts and likes Mona Lisa. Yes :)

There are various comics of Gail pointing out Gail's weird food habits. A picture of Fran looking really cool, and even Gail rocking a bathing suit. (bathing suit image linked here in case NSFW). Wow!

Pimez didn't just collect the arts, he creates them as well! This one, which he aptly named 'The Year 175' is a depiction of when the dragons invaded the towers as told by an elderly Daean woman. Great pixeling skills! I got a good chuckle from the ice dragon leaving with its stuff slung over its shoulder.

Quo made a stunning picture of Gail playing the flute surrounded by the 5 musical notes and the Phoenix logo behind her. The theme seems to be "fire" and it works really well. Gail herself looks awesome depicted in her red suit - it's like she's leading a marching band!

Rai Asuha depicts Gail in the late game with her red suit, and night star bat, and holding a lamp. She looks ready for adventure! I really like the white outline here and Gail's poofy shoulders here - the art style feels reminiscent of Final Fantasy Tactics.

Seri also draws Gail bearing her late game equipment. Unique to Seri's drawing is how all of Gail's equipment is accessible from a pocket on her shirt. I also like how Gail is depicted with her lucky earrings - that accessory is often forgotten.

Treedude depicts Gail with a bat and wearing a funny smirk. She looks like she's ready to hurt someone!

Warotar returns with everyone's favorite Great Drake, Bubbles! It seems so happy to be featured!

I'm really grateful for all the fanart this game has received. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!

Closing Notes

Pirate drew a picture to mark the occasion. It shows Gail enjoying a hot chocolate with marshmallows and a pumpkin muffin. A rest well-earned...

Goodbye! Until next time!