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🏩🧸🎀🪞
#i just wish i didnt care so much about how ugly i am...#i DO have an ugly face.. wide and round and big and the top of my head is too small and narrow#it just looks so so so weird#and im always uglier than everyone else. and i will always be uglier than their ex and uglier than their next and uglier than the other#girls they like. it will always be that way.#i will always always be ugly#i cannot change this face. i am stuck with it.#people will always be mean. ppl will always tell me how ugly i am. that's just how it is#a fact of life. no matter what i do this is how it is#and therefore i wish could just live with it...#even if i am ugly.. this is my face and im stuck with it#so i want to no matter what mean thoughts everyone else have about me#i wanna just be able to grow accustomed to my face. find comfort in its ugliness#i wanna still just be able to take selfies or wear makeup or accessories without /feeling/ like im not allowed to simply bc everyone else#sees me as ugly.... bc like yeah.. but this is still my face and it is all i've got#no one will ever find me pretty. no one will ever think im the prettiest girl in the world for them#thats fine. that really hurts but i cant blame anyone bc i AM ugly. but i want to just be able to live in peace#and do what i want to do regardless of everyone else's opinions...#so what if i am an ugly troll trying to play dress up??? i know my place#i will never be the princess. and i would never ever think i even could#so then just let me know my place and be an ugly swamp troll and have fun in peace#but i keep seeing my face and feeling so sad#bc again and again all i can think abt even if i learn how to live with it#i will stillnever be a pretty girl someone can fall in love with..#and i think abt how small and tiny and round and cute faces those girls#they like have... how theyre so pretty and cute in ways i could never be#it doesnt matter how much i love or whatever is inside my heart.. im too ugly to even look twice at#but pls universe let me just be able to live with it.
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#im gonna be mopey for a minute dont mind me <3#but like ive always known that my fics wont ever get super high engagement bc i write for smaller fandoms/pairings#like a couple heta fics a couple naru fics im not exactly writing about the most up to date popular fandoms in media atm#which is fine lmao i knew that when i started posting a year ago and its been more for me to get back into writing than anything else#but like. i wont lie. it is disheartening as a writer to see just how much people refuse to comment on fics now#idk i dont wanna go too into it bc like i know im not ~entitled~ to comments or whatever but. idk!!!#authors would be more than happy to post more and interact more if people actually commented on the stuff they like#i have a couple people who always comment on my stuff and i adore them with every fiber of my being they are my world#and i wish more people were like that. fic gets the short end of the stick in terms of engagement and fandom attention which#doesnt. exactly feel great lmao#idk where i was going with this i more just wanted to have a little mope and whine but.#idk if anyone is reading this maybe take a minute out of your day to leave a nice comment on a fic you enjoy#it really will make someones day and i promise your fav authors are more likely to post more if they see people enjoying their stuff#anyway yeah thats all i got. happy monday! :D#personal
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Also can’t do polls bc the dashboard unfucker completely unfucked my dash to the point that... i have the old text post editor back sksksk
SO
Here’s the options for when I post a wip:
1.) It’s a Pirate’s Life For Me (Willa enters the FC3 verse)
2.) They Watch From The Pews (Willa’s dark au, been a hot minute since I worked on it)
3.) OG Verse wip with no name (Celeste & Gabriel get up to some shit)
4.) Clash of Worlds AU (Valerie goes back to Night City, doppelgänger style)
5.) Sparrow & Endymion Introduction (Pretty self explanatory, just some stuff from my og verse again)
#pls im terribly sorry but feel free to just put the number....#unless yall wanna see multiple then put more than one number#idk how many people will see this without tags but yeah. if yall wanna ignore it too thats fine ill probs just post whatever i feel most#comfortable with#ill probs delete this soon bc i always get too anxious when posting this stuff. im always like 'does anyone care?'#even if people do care my anxiety is like 'wow nobody interacted w/you what a LOSER' pewoirgjwerg#even if thats not true! like bruh cmon brain why you gotta do me like that
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so wild to me when someone will only make plans with me on their weekend or only do stuff if they don't work the next day regardless of whether or not I also work that day and/or the next
#i used to work 7 days a week but now i do mon-fri and everyone i know has their weekend off from mine#and its always like sorry i cant hang out when youre free bc i have work that day :/ can we do my day off even though you will be working?#hmm cant do that cause i work tomorrow. well have to do it on a monday after you work and before you work the next day#im always like yeah whatever bc i wanna see people and if thats how it had to happen thats fine#literally just occurred to me right now tho that i do that all the time and hardly ever do people like. ask me about my preference#actually did have something i really wanted to do after work tonight but apparently i was the only one
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things i cant stop thinking about !!
most of this is going to imperium related so enjoy my brain turning mwah
also pls ignore my mid sentence rambling i have a serious problem
warnings: gore/mentions of death , violence , imperium , swearing :D , adult with internet access cant shut up
- yandere caller being a shade
(someone said this on a hc list and now im actively running with it)
- sams eyes being brown
(as a brown eye haver i know he misses them dearly and i wnna give him the worlds sweetest biggest longest hug)
- the idea of gavin “slicing” peoples threads for kody in imperium
(forcing my husband ((i need therapy im married to a fictional incubus)) to do such acts simply because you want to you sick freak ILL FUCKING KILL U- oh wait gavin already did xoxo kiss my ass from hell kody)
- the look on kodys face at the end of it all
(as previously stated i wanted that man dead.. i just wanna make sure hes actually gone yknow)
- what asher’s smile looked like when him and david were together (imperium)
(knowing that david was gone, hearing the random audience member asking for david to be alive and left alone in the first imperium video, knowing they were mates, knowing how heartbroken asher was after his death i just wanna see them happy maann ((it feels criminal to use emojis on tumblr)) 😭😭)
- if lasko calling freelancer “my dear” when you first met him in the haven was a sneak peek for his later ((is the word prime for like normal redacted universe characters i can’t remember, like prime lasko yada yada)) listeners name
- if no one was watching gavin WOULD HE HAD BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF IMP!HUXLEY???
(the amount of shit talking hux did when freelancer and gavin first get to the haven had me ready to fight in an instant ((it mightve just been my overwhelming adoration for gavin but still)) like he was acting like an annoying jock who gets a job as security for some fuck ass rich university and thinks hes on top of the world like dont piss me off huxley or damien gets it in the other universe so help me god)
- is anyone else as attracted to the tension between vincent and asher in imperium as i am..
(i have no words for how “yippee kicking my feet happy smiley kiss now kiss now what if u kissed rn” i was when asher and vincent are talking but also i feel like pet ((is that vincents listeners name or vegas I CANT REMEMBER PLS)) was behind a door listening in and getting jealous bc “that should be me holding your hand..”
… excuse the outburst)
- vampire milo.. thats all
(GAWD hes so hot like he always is and always has been but jesus FUCKING christ theres something about him having been a vamp did something to me that i cant even explain)
- what was avior saying to lasko to make him irritated with him..
(i mean yeah hes a yapper but i feel like it was just “hey we need help down here” and lasko rolling his eyes and waiting two weeks before actually doing anything)
- WHERE TF IS ELLIOT WHERE TF IS SUNSHINE CAN I BEAT BLAKES ASS??
- what would have happened had milo not broken the ward
(again someone else mentioned this ((i would tag them but it was 6hrs ago and i was just scrolling and reading)) and now i cant stop thinking about it)
- what is avior hearing in his last video
(its been a while since ive actually listened to aviors playlist again but there was a voice or sounds he was hearing after getting out of the meridian and its just been on my mind)
- gavin having a myspace account
(he would love myspace i just know he would and i feel like he’d be an avid tumblr user but like its just him posting his favorite pics of himself from the week and updates on whatever small pet him and freelancer would very obviously inevitably get bc he saw it in a pet store or on the street and couldnt resist)
- what happens when freelancer gets old..
(freelancer is just that.. a freelancer. they arent a vamp, or a demon, or even some secret third thing.. what happens to them and gav when they get old. have they had that talk yet? i shouldnt think about this bc it makes me spiral into a bucket of tears and sadness bc its the same thing with sam and darlin’ like we wont know what theyll do when their partners get old and they are still young and immortal.. sigh 😔)
- can i cut the meridian open with a knife if i tried?
(how thin is the meridian? how easy is it to access? how long would it take me to literally stab it open? ((i have serious issues)) )
- imp!damien..
(yea i have a crush on him or whatever nothing crazy)
- is the person asher catches in imperium baabe or is it just random listener #18683 ?
(obviously my first thought when i listened to imperium like a year ago i thought baabe nd asher would be together ((i was delusional and on an asher high)) but then when it was revealed that he and david were mates in that universe did that mean baabe just doesnt exist or are they the person that gets caught by him or again some secret third thing)
- what happens to angel in the mess that is imperium, honestly what happens to all the shaw pack listeners
(obviously sweetheart is left out of this equation bc them and milo are still happily obsessed with each other in every universe BUT angel, baabe, and darlin where yall at??)
- WHERE ARE THE AND WHAT HAPPENED TO THE EMPATHY DEMONS IN IMPERIUM UNIVERSE??
(this just popped into my mind but WHERE IS MY SON?? what have u done with my son WHERE IS MY SON??!!?)
- is anyone else as obsessed with just erik and his mind?
(that handsome blessing to my youtuber universe.. i could listen to him babble for hours and will do so bc it feeds my “listening to nerdy man babble on abt his fixations” quota)
- what imperium versions of characters do people prefer over their counterparts
(personally i prefer imp! huxley, damien, and vincent over their prime versions ((still dont know if im using the term prime in the right context)) idk what it is but well i know what it is for huxley and damien but we dont need to get into why i dont like hux and dames rn :D but for vincent i just like seeing a different version of him i think.. hes so confident with his decisions, and knows what he wants in imperium i just want that for regular vince too.. sigh)
uhh anyways.. i think thats enough thinking for now, going back to sleep
stay safe out there
#redacted audio#redacted sweetheart#redactedverse#redacted vincent#redacted asher#redacted david#redacted headcanons#redacted sam#redacted milo#redacted#redacted lovely#redacted asmr#i cant wrap my tiny little brain around all the information i just processed
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✨🌈💖Doodles n Ocs !!!!!! 🌈🌈💖
I was energized yesterday, so I grabbed my pencil and started looking around for interesting ocs lol
(( @minoru-eno // Idk what Kitty's @ is.... ))
First and foremost was this booger
Cant remember what his name was... But I really loved his zombie//rotting body
If I have a second chance, I'd draw a bit more gorey or twisted poses with him, since he can just regen himself>>
Have to say, this sketch turned out the BEST purely bc at a character standpoint, its amazing cough
Second is how well he can integrate himself in the detailed, Jmilo style
And also cus he's a cutie patootie...
And well, most of my energy was really put into this sketch
I had a lot of fun with him!!
MINORU IF YOURE LISTENING GIVE ME MORE CRUMBS STOP GATEKEEPING GRRRRR
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.
.
HONESTLY after drawing 'experiment boy,' I knew that I wanted to do KittyLilyHeart's oc, Amcy, next
I wasnt certain what kind of pose I wanted
So, in the heat of the momment, I kinda... Redrew her refrence pose..
IN HINDSIGHT i could've just read her lore ((bc im a sucker for transmigration stories, my pfp boy is LITERALLY from one + 1 Lefe Lore point))
I think that she looks so much more... savage-like? An almost fox-like slyness...
What really stood out to me was her wide smile
It would be a dishonor!! Of me to make it smaller
Soo...
Nayway! I wished I leaned more into her transmigration plotpoint
Maybe a high tech panel to her sides, showcasing profiles of her 'units' and current progression eithin each story ...
Ah, but from my own speculation, she doesn't necessarily like or want to do it, huh?
Her dialogue on her refrence sheet is strange; "HELP" written in a light blood, red handprints on her shaded figure, a glitched and foreboding scream "GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!"
I like this aspect of her; it seems to me that she doesn't wanna be in this endless loop of romancing pointless people in a pointless story
If I had understood this earlier on, I would e implied ot better with the sketch
Hmm... Maybe a disgruntled expression while staring at a True Milo? A bit complicated... Ahh
I do like her though. I'm not fond of many characters, but shes got a place somewhere here
.
.
.
OK AT LONG LAST
Eerie Day
EERIE DAY, THAT ONE PL G*N OC
who happened to win a "whos the most unhinged" poll, cant forget that!!
Im surprised that he... Well, whatever
Pretty boy smh
Im showing his ugly picture, just for his humiliation fun!!
I
Actually liked drawing him again
.
Just kidding he needs to go back to jail
Stupid
ugly
Get in there, pretty face!!
Heh
One bad thing, put behind bars
Speaking of metal things, remember Opal? Yeah uhm. He's here too...
It seems like all my ocs are making a reappearance after weeks!! (R.i.p Cherry...)
Its been TOO LONG
and frankly I
Opal isnt suited for Jmilo style tbh
For one; no nose, no eyebrows, big boba eyes, unrealistic hair details
Ahh
Hes always meant for Jchan style I guess
Cutesy, big eyes, unrealistic hair
ehe, Speaking of Jchan style ...
Ta-da!!! A little present for coming down this far
Long road of me yapping
I like to yap. Just that nobody is here to listen.
Nayway!!!
Theres a few (ton) more ocs/characters I want to draw
Lots
All the milos, for one
And maybe another Pl oc? Ehe
Oh well~ Ill get to a certain nredeacterjecjevavtsbrsvg eventually
Anyway!! Heres a small sketch of myself!
My persona tbh... Same thing! Person! Same person!
Ahh
Thats all the tumblr images can handle
Thanks for seeing them all! I wish more people could tell me that I didnt waste my time, more often
Cya tmr! Or today? Its 2am... Ahhh
*falls backwards into coffin
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In theory I would enjoy stendyle but the anti-cartman attitude in that circle of fandom ruins it for me. I'm also just very picky with how Wendy is betrayed. I think she's more of a tomboy than the fandom wants to admit
HONESTLY. you're not wrong. i enjoy the ship only when im looking at it and applying the mental notes of my Own headcanoning and whatnot.
like any area has a really loud "cartman bad no ifs and or buts" and i'm such a fan of Nuance so its SO SAD. i cannot deny, as a teenager i was also NOT a fan of him- but as an adult with media literacy im like. obsessed with the idea of analyzing him.
which. i got outta hand. adhd and stream of consciousness, y'know how it goes sometimes haha. lemme read more this.
and the stendyle stuff SUCKS bc its so like yeah. fuck that guy. but ???? why. i don't think thsoe three dating WOULD really change their opinions on him as a whole. kyle and stan ARE his friends. even if theyre always at each others throats, they ARE friends. and wendy and cartman aren't like. besties. but i think that their competition towards each other can be really fun bc shes not afraid to stand up to him- like even less nervous about it than kyle is. and i think she sorta seems to revel in having someone who she CAN get into little picky bitchy moments with because its something she's not offered often.
so YES. i do think that those three would hang out on a date and someone would bring him up and they'd be bitches for a minute bc he gets on their nerves, but i don't understand why so much of the fandom is like yeah fuck cartman all my homies HATE cartman. he is ten years old + heavily abused + has an unhealthy relationship with basically everyone who should have raised him. that's not even TOUCHING on his actual trauma. but we've been shown, TWICE, canonically, how he can grow up into a better person- not perfect and not 'fixed', but he can be better, so i don't get why everyones like yeah. that thing is the worst in the world forever with no room for discussion.
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as far as wendy's portrayal by the fandom i gotta agree. she's always been the fish out of water of the girls canonly, and i think too many people just sorta boil her down again to like. pretty. smart. awkward. they bring up that time she fought cartman and enjoy it but like. she gets treated like either Girl Kyle or.. Pretty but Shy or something??
she's never doing the Trends with the other girls at first, and i know she's the like "awkward" girl out of everyone, so she's used as an offset for Whatever Shit the other girls are getting into. but she's NOT shy and awkward or anything! she's loud and proud until she's beaten down. she's opinionated and chooses not to engage with trends and i think a lotta ppl see that she's a very feminist character and theyre like yes! thats the Girl™
but i think. personally. that wendyl was a really really awesome move. i wish more people would play with that idea, of wendy being ABLE to be less of a Girl for a while, even without bringing the transgender stuff into the picture. she can be boyish and wanna be crude and weird. she's educated and smart, but that doesn't mean she isn't ALSO a sorta tomboy? like she's so cool. i love wendy. so much.
and so many ppl also sorta just make her Girl Kyle which. don't even get me started. i think that drawing comparisons between them as "stan has a type" can be VERY FUNNY but too many people push it too far? so they basically treat her like she's just a stand-in for kyle. but she literally isn't. she's so fucking COOL by herself.
AND like you pointed out- her reaction to stans cvs!! yes she goes "ew!" "gross!" but she. listen. the girl still kisses him while after he finishes spitting the last of it out. i think if she was allowed to just be boyish and no one stopped her then she'd have so much fun hanging out with The Guys.
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SONG OF THE DAY + 1 bc ehehshjddb
abnormality dancing girl by guchiry… my beloved… it has lore but i interpret it for dallas in the way that “did i get it? that brand new me?” PUFHH. also the character in the video is highly implied to go insane and also implied to kill herself or something. she at least goes insane with the obsession of being perfect. dallas isnt like it so i took the lyrics and twisted them iykwim. its in JP so i gave the video w the eng subs :D
https://youtu.be/DK56dOxLxPY?si=k0yatpQT4bSD0Tiu
and then the +1,,, oughhh probabky my fav or one of my fav kikuo songs: dance of the frogs. ITS ABOUT REINCARNATION!!!! YEAHH. theres a really sick part at 2:52 and onwards like OMIGOD i fucking love the animation like HHSJSHODBSJ frogs??? skeletons??? buddhism elements?? qi xuan is such an amazing voice bank????!:!/&!:8 yes its also a dallas song, especially bc its about reincarnation which can be tied into the lore of dallas never dying like oughh especially when the dance at 3:09,, and then it gets less lighthearted with the frogs looking like theyre in pain (3:27) WITH THE FROG HANDS STRUGGLING TO TRY AND GRASP EACH OTHER AND THE LYRICS?? ‘SUFFERANCE’?? ‘JAIL’?? ‘PRISON CELL’? YEAH NOT DYING WOULD BE HELL FR!!! AND THEN THE SICK SKELETON DANCE INSTRUMENTAL AT 3:59?? AND THEN THE SICK ASS INSTRUMENTAL WITH THE IMPLIED TRANSITION FROM ONE REINCARNATION LIFE TO THE NEXT AT 4:25??? THE WAY IT SLOWLY GETS FASTER?? OH MY GOD. and then the end of that scene with a frame of a lotus im deceased (lotuses mean rebirth).
https://youtu.be/8aS1DiEKAsI?si=QAYK7B9LnuRftNNs
flashing colors warning but it’s so worth it (unless you get a seizure). kikuo’s videos always have captions and theyre STYLIZED!! glamified!! oughhh i fucking love this song and the hidden meanings
OOOOOO those sound sick as FUCK!!!!! i really wanna see whats up with dance of the frogs because from your description it sounds absolutely INSANE
last time i checked i dont usually get seizures so i should be good to go!! tomorrow tho. its my self imposed bed time right now
i!! also have a song of the day!!!! +1!!!!!!! really its more like whatever song is stuck in my head at the moment but! thats ok
1. Drella by Pierce the Veil (shocking i know)
oughhhhhh this song is in my BRAINNNN its in my NEURONSSSSS my freaking UAGH
its????? idk its like. the way he sings is so AUGH and idrk how to interpret lyrics so im not sure what this song is about but its FIRE SO YIPPEE!!!!!!!! the freaking BEAT oiygahhsjshsh dude the way he sings is. gwoahghr cause like he has a rlly distinct voice n he sings pretty high and it ITCHES my BRAIN (also theres a lot of screaming. but as a will wood fan i feel like that wouldnt phase you by now)
+1. Tangled in the Great Escape by Pierce the Veil
DUDE. DUDE THIS SONG. DUDE THIS FREAKING SONG. DUDE GSUAHAGSHDHEHND
i love this album so much cause its got some really sad songs (AND EVERG SINGLE ONE IS A BANGERRR) and this one is one of them and honestly i dont know why its not more popular because its SO GOODDDDDDDDD GRAH
a lot of people saw the song as being about losing a friend to drug addiction when you start to see theyre too far gone but another interpretation i saw was about suicide, which me personally i thought of it as initially but im not really sure. all i know is that its SAD (but its pretty fire on the beat n g l)
tbh i think tangled in the great escape would make a really good song for the villain au? like if alibi was singing it about dallas (who became so obsessed with the idea of revenge that it was basically like losing the person you loved which. wowie i made myself sad)
#ok i need to go to bed now because i was too tired this morning and was almost late to my bus!!!! WHOOPS!!!!!!!!!#but before i die (sleep) i have one final request…#at some point in the future. listen to collide with the sky by pierce the veil (DO NOT SHUFFLE THE ALBUM. DONTTTTTTTT DO IT)#in its entirety. because im never going to be ok about it#OK NIGHTY NIGHT!!!
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niyaaaa do u have any tips for people who wanna get into fic writing? 👀
i don’t really get how the whole posting format for fics works on here tbh 😭 and like your info area it’s so cool
YEAH OFC!! btw dm me your username so i can follow and support you <3
tip 1- the posting format isnt that hard to get used to actually its just you create a tumblr text post and then copy and paste your fic onto it, add the tags and stuff then post it. if you want to add banners, headers and stuff to make it look better then go ahead, just add images to the text post
tip 2- the info area is the same as above, just add pictures of your choice etc to the text post, add your information, name, age, fav things etc and then to link posts to your post, highlight where u want the link to go, then copy the link of the post u want linked then press the hyperlink that looks like two chains linked together when you highlight the text if that makes sense? sounds like a lot but its rlly not i promise haha
tip 3- always type your fics on other apps like word or google docs since they have an auto save feature!! i dont reccomend typing your fics on tumblr since one if the app crashes, it doesn't automatically save your work so everything you wrote will get deleted (some versions of tumblr do have autosave, my laptop has it but my phone and iPad doesn't, so i dont rely on it)
tip 4- idk if you want tips on actual fic writing or just how to get your fics onto tumblr but ill help you with that anyway. with me when i write fics i always imagine it out in my head. theres some of my fics where i just went with the flow and wrote wgatever came to mind and those are the fics i hate the most because they dont rlly make sense to me. theyre always so random and it just seems rushed and bad.
i picture my fics like a scene in my head and whatever i want the character to do, think, say or feel i write that shit down asap. i use other online sources to help get more descriptive like the emotion theasurus <- honestly one of my favourite things to use ever, they have so much body language to use for every emotion in the damn book
dialogue is also something i find difficult. i've improved i personally feel like but its still hard for me especially if im writing a new character. i never want to make the character seem OOC so i do lots of research before hand. i normally use the wiki to read up on a characters personality.
for example i'll use ran for this since he's like 99% of my account lmao. in the wiki, he's described as "naturally whimsical toward others which makes him inscrutable" though ran doesnt have many scenes in the manga (which i hate bc i love him sm) its impossible to actually write him down to a tee so i use that naturally whimsical description to make him playful, charismatic, carefree etc, going off what little information i have with him.
getting a characters personality down is what can make or break a dialogue. for me when im reading a fic of a character and their dialogue is so OOC it puts me off and i dont even wanna read. so i apply my same fic icks to myself and think if I don't like seeing this and that in a fic, why would I incorporate those in my fics and have ppl get put off it if they have the same fic icks as me?
hope that makes sense!!
tip 5- dont rush yourself at all. i used to rush a few of my fics and i just ended up hating it so much after and fought bck the urge to delete them so many times but then i'd see people's comments and realise i was being too harsh on myself. i'd keep them up but i'd just hate seeing them get attention.
rushing only makes you hate your work and the quality of your work will decline if you are not in the right headspace.
thats also why i have the don't rush me thing in my rules because not only is it annoying to see people constantly asking for updates, it also makes me mad because i know i'll just put out a piece of garbage if i did rush.
also another tip don't give yourself deadlines!! if you know your writing consistency can be a little sloppy, don't tell your followers that you're going to upload every so and so day. if something happens and you miss the deadline, you'll feel bad and rush something out and most times out of ten, a rushed fic doesn't do well. so take your time and don't rush.
tip 6- dont listen to what other people say or feel obligated to write something you don't wanna. establish your boundaries!! for example, from day one i started this blog i said im accepting requests but i will not write anything to do with non-con, incest or minors. i made sure that was out there so i wouldn't feel uncomforable writing anything i wasn't comfy with.
there are people on this app that may like your writing and request you to write something for them. you are not obligated to write anything for anyone! don't feel like you have to just because they asked nicely.
if you want to accept requests you can im not saying you shouldn't, im saying don't feel like you have to. you always have a choice. its your blog.
tip 7- remember this isn't a job. you're allowed to take breaks, allowed to have a personal life. don't feel like you need to be updating every day. i used to think i was obligated to be uploading consistently at least every week because i was obsesssed with engagement and seeing peoples comments and was scared if i took a break ppl will unfollow. now i honestly don't care. i'm not active as much as i used to because of school and that's fine! if ppl want to leave, let them. don't feel like you're forced to keep being active in order to keep your follower count stable.
tip 8- this app can get really toxic sometimes. luckily enough i've only had one toxic anon in my inbox and i've been on this app for a year. some people have so many, some ppl get harrassed etc. if that happens to you just be prepared since there's no actual way to find out who's behind anons. you can turn off your anon options which means if ppl want to inbox you something then their account will be showing. some people arent comfortable with that and that's fine! i keep mine on because i want people to feel comfortable on my page.
just remember though if you ever feel like this app is getting overwhelming take breaks! for the sake of your mental health take breaks. i know so many writers on here that took breaks and came back healthier and stronger.
i feel like this tip goes for social media in general. as much as i love social media im aware how unhealthy it is. breaks are so important for you. remember that.
i can't think of anymore tips right now but if i have some more i will edit the post and add it on.
if u have anymore questions about the tumblr posting format dm me and ill help you out :))
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Of course all problems and inequalities are direct consequence of modernity and in the past those who are now considered undesirable were considered divine and definitely weren't treated even worse and didn't have access to anything that resembles accomodations. Let's bring those times back!
In Ancient Rome specifically there was no hospitalisation, yes, but also people who were considered mad couldn't make financial and legal operations on their own at all and couldn't be citizens, and were considered pariahs by their communities. This is not to say that you are wrong because you picked the wrong time to see as "when things were better", it's that just because what causes problems now is capitalism doesn't mean that before it people were always kind and caring, everything is much older.
(Or that removing the money would fix everything on its own, for that matter)
are you literally so stupid to fail to see my point
the point isnt "LOOK WHAT THEY TOOK FROM US" the point is that fears and delusions depend on the society youre brought up in; and also sorry that a 5 sentences tumblr post didnt go into history of medical malpractice, it was a lighthearted post made by someone with those very issues
yeah, if i lived then, then id have a different delusion more fit to those times - but it would not resemble my current paranoia or nightmares of being drugged or talked to the way ive had medical staff talk to me bc those things are specific to our society.
(Also you can still have your rights denied for being mentally ill today as well?????? what happened to free britney??? And like My family doctor once literally suggested to my dad to involountary check me into psych ward which was smth my psychiatrist at the time was very much trying to avoid because he KNEW how dehumanizing that is, he spent more than sn hour trying to figure out if my visions of suicide were actual suicide risk or intrusive thoughts; telling me later that he was willing to gamble such a huge risk and responsibility he would have to take in case i actually did smth to myself - just to keep me out of the hospital stay because he worked there and SAW how dehumanizing it is. because getting in the ward here doesnt mean youre done when youre out, this shit affects FUCKLOAD of things in your life!)
are you really trying to be like "LETS TAKE AWAY ACCOMODATIONS FROM PEOPLE WHO SUFFER WOOW GOOD JOB" in my inbox rn btw considering that i am literally schizophrenic w some other mental illnesses, and that i take fucking meds upon meds for it, including antipsychotics??????? and i am also very grateful for those aids, but even with meds my condition will never be resolved and its severity very much depends on the people/society around me. my delusions while living in croatia might differ from someone who lives in the usa.
i literally have no patience or attention or care or anything to argue with you rn, if you wanna discuss political or economical or marxist or whatever theory in my inbox go ahead, but i am NOT arguing about my own fucking lived experience and having you speak to me this way, in an incredibly entitled and dismissive way. its late and im going to bed. i genuinely dont care for your "ummmmm ekshually capitalism is noot thaaat bad-" shit while i keep having episodes on the daily in a big part due to fuckin capitalism. losing my other job is putting me through stress because i have no money, but it also eased up certain aspects of my illness because i dont have to hit hardcore fucking deadlines every week.
p.s. who the fuck is talking about money not existing. if you are gonna bring that up within communist theory and up for a serious discussion thats a whole other thing, but moneyless and stateless society doesnt just rest on tadaaah no money, like theres a reason marx wrote books n essays on that shit and why daddy engels sent him checks. and even in ideal communist world we would still have mental illnesses, but i am absolutely positive that my thoughts would differ than the current ones and that they would probably be less severe. and also why is this implying that communism wont have like the fuckin medication
i usually take care to carefully reply to asks and try to actually give a serious opinion but i gen dont care if i sound incoherent rn, this legit pissed me off
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i wanna add, i know how much we all love top yeji but i think part of what makes that so enticing is how pliable she is for ryujin, like in a way where she will literally do whatever ryujin tells her to, be it being rough and mean or letting ryu have a turn for once. just like, how willing and giving she inherently is, and i think thats so special and such a good dynamic for them to have because there's so many ways to play around with that (which you do, and incredibly well at that). it's just such an enjoyable dynamic to read because it never feels like either of them are pushing things the other may not want onto each other. ultimately its a relationship founded on trust no matter which way you spin it, and i think its so important, both for the characters and me as a reader, that there's this constant underlying knowledge that yeji has enough faith in ryujin to know she won't make her do anything she won't like, and that ryujin trusts yeji enough to ask her to do these things for her. if any of that makes sense.
and also, smaller point in comparison to the above, but idk there's something just undeniably queer in the way you write them which i just really love and honestly don't always feel in every ryeji fic dbjdfbb
but yeah i love ur ryejis, i love the dynamic you give them every single time, i cant wait to see what nmau chapter 12 and the choreo epilogue bring us, i really really still want to see succubus au if thats still on the table because i really think both the gender of it all and the two points mentioned above will really be at the forefront, im just really excited to see where u take ryeji next
-🖤
i am finally answering this ask thank you for being so patient and also for saying all of this 😭😭😭
i really do love writing top yeji as purely a giver (which is why i tend to write her as a service top). it doesn't mean she's purely giving and never receiving bc that's not really how a healthy and equal sexual relationships works just imo, but it's definitely her main way of showing love and care. just like giving and caretaking and stuff
"yeji has enough faith in ryujin to know she won't make her do anything she won't like, and that ryujin trusts yeji enough to ask her to do these things for her"
this makes so much sense yes!! it's all about trust, and consent, and respect, and all that other good stuff. like feeling seen and respected and listened to is so sexy and it makes everything more fun for everyone (and gives you the ability to like experiment and learn more together, which is kind of the point of pretty please for example)
it is always my goal (and it's really not hard with them tbh) to write a very queer ryeji. i don't really love "top" and "bottom" becoming these new strict gender roles and you do unfortunately see a lot of that in fanfiction. idk i just think sapphic relationships are cool and sapphic sex is cool and we all have like interesting genders and ways of loving and feeling pleasure, and i really like to play with that in my writing!
i hope you keep enjoying what i've got (and telling me about it :P) bc writing this stuff is fun especially when i get to talk to cool people about it!
#cannot even express how happy this ask made me :)#if it wasn't clear from my rambling LOL#and thanks again for waiting this summer was a lot but i will always answer things eventually....#i'm super online but also work 40 hours a week and have a wife and other hobbies (shocking)#not enough hours in the day to be gay online smh#asks#🖤 anon#nice people
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I want to let you know that I actually squealed when I saw that there was a new part of wasted w longing, so that was embarrassing. I giggled so much, love me some domestic fluff, I also gasped so hard at the ending that I started choking. can't believe you updated while I was in class so didn't see it until later.
kafka is so smug I hate her, I want to kiss her on the mouth so bad she's such a weirdo, but at the same time, I'm mad at her, I'll forgive her if she comes home early on my pulls tho, and also some kafka groveling, very excited to see that. also the writing is so good, like at the end I was questing everything about r's encounter's w kafka. and you said replying to someone else's ask that kafka cares atp. wdym atp? istg I love angst but I can't handle angsty endings being w out kafka also you said himeko is going to show up again, and I know that'll be funny. the cliffhangers are killing me, but I'm really excited for the next part, the plot is plotting. also the way at the beginning I literally said out loud, "oh she just got shot, it's okay."
the wanted poster is so funny, like whoever wrote it down must've seen footage of her shooting people as she breaks into somewhere and thought, damn, she is hot as fuck, and tbh that was my thought process when I watched kafka's trailer the first time.
hope your first day at uni was good! if you made me loose my 50/50 I'll---
-🌠
not the squealinggg thats so cute im flattered. it’s funny whenever yall say i post when yall are busy because it’s always 4 to 6 am here i have a horrible sleep schedule 😭 i loved writing the more domestic part cause that’s the first time they actually spend time together without sleeping together and it was kinda cuteee, if you ignore the getting shot part.
“i hate her i wanna kiss her on the mouth shes such a weirdo” is exactly how i feel about kafka im so glad im not alone… also, i meant that at this point of the story kafka already knows that she likes R; she goes out of her way to look out for them, she stares a lot, wants to help them through their dilemma and other stuff that’ll come later. in her mind shes not in love with them but she does like them. i think due to her closed off nature, a lot of the little hints of how she feels are in the way she looks at R and since this is written from R’s (sometimes unreliable) perspective, i mentioned how they can’t read her eyes yet so to them there’s no reciprocation right now. and now that they’re mad at her everything she does will feel disingenuous when it might not be. it’s tricky to write bc as readers i want people to be able to tell that kafka cares even when she’s being a little shit while also staying true to how R sees things. i do think it’ll become much more obvious starting from the next chapter tho cause there will be some grovelling involved lmfaoo.
also this was literally her at the end:
r: i will call the police on you.
kafka: i am so attracted to you right now
its funny, R is always making themself available for her and has been doing that from the beginning so kafka’s very used to this behavior and its the reason why she’s so fucking smug. but now she’s seeing a new side to them that she really likes. they’re standing up for themself and i think it’s a quality that she’d find really attractive in a person. but yeah it’s fun i love this series mainly because the idea mostly came from anons so i love hearing what yall think about it.
my first day at uni was nice!! im looking to getting my shit together honestly, i feel like an actual adult now so hopefully it helps with my mood as well and makes it easier for me to be productive cause i dont write fast at all. if you lose the 50/50 bc of me i’ll write whatever you want as consolation prize
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any tips on how to focus on the 4d and all that you’re manifesting while also not getting distracted by what OTHER people are saying or asking? For example, ppl keep asking me what I want to do in life, what I’m planning in life, or that it seems like I’m goalless with no direction. Those questions for some reason bother me and put me in a funk, because it feels like I have my dream career in the 4d, but then ppl in the 3d come in saying stuff like this and then it just reminds me that THEY don’t see it.
my biggest tip is focus on the 4d and stop being so hyperfocused in what you're manifesting. tbh.
i so resonate with this bc omg. i used to (internally) FALL APART when people asked me anything in the same category as what i was manifesting. and i knew all the great teachers said "it doesnt matter what you say, its already done" but for the life of me i couldnt fully feel that, i couldnt grasp it or accept that at all. i always felt so bad and full of anxiety even after giving my answer, wondering if i've fucked everything up. def not fun.
for me, i stopped caring about it when i realized i dont have a reason to fight against my current reality or pretend things arent as they are. whatever everyone else sees, is whats true, sure. on the outside. so i don't need to walk around like it's not what it appears to be. but i go within myself and i know how i feel and i know whats true for me. its that feeling of i don't actually need validation. its just, i go within myself and i become one with god and i keep that close to my heart. and i think thats why you kinda have to let the whole hyperfixation on your desires go, on the level that it feels more like ur still trying to prove to urself ur truth. bc really. when u know in ur heart something is true, when you have accepted it within, you're not as easy to shake. sure you may have moments where you're thrown off or maybe even feel some type of way, as is normal for this human experience. but you really won't be that bothered by it so often and so easily.
yall its honestly so okay (and often SO HELPFUL) to be able to say, "yeah with the way things look rn im not where i wanna be" AND accept that. rather than being like "no no the 3d is wrong my 4d is right" its okay to let the 3d flow, to be what it is, and hug your inner world tight. bc really thats all u need to do. hold on close to your inner world and let yourself live in the 3d as it is, enjoying every moment, knowing each experience is just part of the unfolding of the beautiful things to come. thats really how you go about living within yourself, and the outer world simultaneously.
<3
#not me with the throwback LMFAO#ive been thinking of that reddit post sm lately bc it was pivotal in my journey haha
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hi hello i hope ur having a great day!
this is by no means trying to be a rant post but i just needed a different perspective on this issue so to speak. i got into an “argument” (one sided tbh LOL) with an ashleon shipper (which…. is whatever… ig…) and they were saying that ashleon is canon in re4 remake and i was like how ???? they were completely mischaracterizing aeon too. so im just really confused bc before i became a hardcore re fan and was an outsider so to speak, i just assumed that leon and ada were an “item” bc thats how they have always been portrayed. and then i go on here and retwt (eww) and ppl do not think that AT ALL. ppl think ur crazy for thinking aeon is a canon thing. i just feel like im missing a puzzle piece all the time bc its like … i thought it was pretty obvious? and its so hard to hear the other side on these conversations bc they are so rude and judgmental and dont want to have a civil conversation and hear the other side. so i just wanted to get ur perspective on this issue and why ppl might not automatically think aeon is a thing bc i really like ur takes on aeon as a whole! this also isnt trying to be negative or a shitpost, i just want to hear a different positive and ig “constructive” perspective on this!
SORRY THIS IS SO LONG I JUST HAVE NO WHERE TO TALK ABT THIS STUFF AND I LOVE TALKING ABT IT SO LIKE SORRY HAHA
okay thank you lol
HI HELLO MY LOVE I ALWAYS HAVE A GREAT DAY SKJDFBSJK
yeah i dunno tbh, there's a few very loud ashleon shippers that are claiming that it's canon but i don't know what kind of like cognitive dissonance you gotta be suffering from to think it's canon. i half the time think they're doing it to purposely piss off other shippers so i just don't engage with them lmao
i think that out of all the ships in re, other than like ethan and mia- aeon was the only other one pushed to be canon. i'd argue that chris and jill are barely even romantic (even though i don't care for the ship, i know lots of people ship valenfield) (im more of a clairejill or jill carlos fan meself) (reminder again ship whoEVER YOU WANT IDGAF SKDFBSK)
typically when it comes to promos and stuff, aeon tends to be pushed together though (like from capcom) so that's always been kinda cute and nice. (i love seeing all the teppen art of aeon, and random capcom promos of aeon together)
i just feel like because the ship is "not conventional" it gets a lot of backlash, particularly because the female character doesn't adhere to social norms and gender roles. and typically because aeon falls into this category, people are quick to tear down ada because of it
it's just the same shit lol. i just choose not to engage with it cause i got better shit to do with my time
i'm not the one going into blogs to scream about how i don't like the ship that they're posting and talking about
(me talking about the anons i still get to this day that are like OMG AEON SO BAD BLAH BLAH BLAH, and im like- did you make a tumblr account to do this or-)
feel free to send me a dm if you wanna chat tho lol
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Send this to five of your favorite blogs on anon!
What is your icon and why did you choose it?
What made you choose your blog theme?
What content do you tend to reblog most?
What does your username mean?
Tag a blog (or a few blogs) you'd recommend for your followers!
!!!!! omg thank you so much for sending this 🥺
my icon is basically me lol, i made this picrew and liked how it turned out so i set it as my pfp here. ive had this icon for like 2 years maybe? (with slight variations made in the picrew) so im a bit attached to it buuut ive also been thinking lately abt changing it. so yeah i might surprise you with an icon change one of these days haha
taking into account i barely change my blog theme (like maybe once a year), this one i have now is relatively recent and i love it a lot! i needed to express the honkaification and my fave girls bronseele hugging in the header are sosososo cute i adore them <33 also i always try using pics with purple or similar tones so i can always have my blog in purple color bc its my fave color ever 💜
i mostly reblog art from my current hyperfixations (sorry not sorry to most of my mutuals for all the enstars spam i make them see these days i know you didnt sign up for this ajdflk) but also from most media i like and whatever random posts i see and i like too
uhhhhh thats The question. i think ive never said this and its not like i really think abt it but well. im terrible at thinking names and usernames but of course i needed one and at that time i was quite hyperfixated with ons and mikayuu so i was like, okay what if i remove one u and i change the letter a with an i? and thats how my url was born lol. again, its only like vaguely based on it and tbh i dont really like it that much but oh well. kinda wanna change it but as ive said im terrible at thinking usernames so i dont know what i could change it for
sorry im tired to think of just one or a few blogs but every blog you see me reblog from is definitely a recommended one! and my mutuals especially, theyre all amazing people so you should follow them if you still dont!!
#ask#anon ty sososo much for sending this!!! it took me ages to do it but i appreciated it a lot <333
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just got out of a manic episode lol
yeah so im depressed now, no longer depresion haha funnys more like depresion no hahas and im pretty sure im scaring off my boyfriend so yeah, he stopped talking/hanging out with me when i was being honest about my feelings, like i was there when he relasped but i start talking my crazy shit and then suddenly mental illness is off the table??? whatever its not even like i like him or nothing like that. i dont understand why i do this to myself, this is just turning into a rant but ive been holding this down for so long it feels good to scream it out into the void that is tumblr yk? also like i drew on cut marks because it hurts less plus i can just wash that off, yk i do that a lot i put on makeup that made me look like i commeted suicide bc i was sad and suicidle(who would have gussed???) plus i just found this collage i really want to go to but no one belives i can do it and i act like that makes me wanna do it more but really it just shows how much people belive imma be a no body and im so scared im going to be suck here forever like my mom and dad. why does life have to be such a bitch like why do i always gotta screw up everything???? lke i have two boyfriends that care about me yet i want to date this girl thats never gonna love me back?? and when i say love i mean i actually love her so much and i cant talk about it because shell find out that im totally in love with her and shell flip out and distance herself from me and i need her shes my everything and if i don't have her in my life even just as a friend i think i need to switch schools again because that's what i always do, when shit gets rough go and hide because i cant handle all this shit and my parents are finally in a good place (mentally) and im gonna screw it up for them because ill stress them out by ignoring everyone and sleeping through meals and holidays and they'll yell at me because they don't understand and i don't blame them im a mess filled with self pity and gross tindencys so i cant have anyone love me truly because im so gross and i just want the felling of everything to stop, like i want to be so fucking happy that everyone thinks on on drugs, which i was on anti anxiety pills but then i felt nothing so i cut myself bu my dumbass was wearing white pants and my mom found out and yelled at me, and screamed and woke everyone up and my sibling still reminds me about it and every time he does i want to hold him down and beat the shit out of him, like does he even take my mental illness serously, does anyone??? are my parents just pretending to give a shit, at least my mom is, my dad cares for me but he just never says the right things, and i forgive him but i just want nothing to go wrong for once i just want everyone to stop. stop talking to me, stop trying to help but also ignoring my despreat cries for help doesn't make me feel any better and also i don't want to be lied toi want the truth even if it would hurt me yk? i don't know what i want, but i know it'd make me feel safe and happy and no long like everyone's trying to get me, i just want to have someone who'd look at all different sides of me and go "wow their awesome, and sure they do stuff i disagree with but there a good person who's gonna make it big and ill stand with them through thick and thin and its okay they have issues we all do and love every flaw" like im sure my boyfriend would say this but i don't want him to say it i want it shown i want to see and trust i can tell them anything and they'd stick around.
tldr: i was origanally posting this so everyone would know i didnt commet suicide but then it turned into a rant so, yah sorry, uh i read a really good south park fanfic so thats something good that happened, though it reminded me alot of me and me is my enemy rn so i was really angry but in a healthy good way, also thought my dad died but thats justsum good ol paranoia also sorry for all the typos, did ths on my computer at like 11:55 so im kinda half asleep
#tw vent#tw self destructive behavior#vent#but like#i missed tumblr#relationship problems?#im the problem#yipeeee#um#idk what tags to use#sh mention#$elf h4rm#but its not bad
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