#im debating making this rebloggable

[system-of-a-feather]

Dear Problematic Siblings; An Open Letter to Older Siblings Survivors from a Youngest Sibling Survivor

(TW: Some levels of emotional abuse, neglect and psychological abuse mentioned. Not sure what level of detail to warn since its that whole Trauma Thing where you don't know what is and isn't 'that bad' so just be careful if any of those are particularly touchy topics)

Don't think too formal of this writing despite the formal sounding title, this is a bit of an open free form letter I wanted to put out to those who have siblings you aren't in contact with or don't have a relationship with following an abusive childhood environment may that be due to having to cut contact for safety or bad blood from how you hurt each other growing up.

I am / We are the youngest of two sisters - one older by 6~ years, the other older by 4~ years and our household was unsafe since before I was born. In theory, my oldest sister might have seen the abuse arise, maybe my middle sister had a bit of time before plunged into hell, but I was born condemned. First and foremost, its important to acknowledge how even these few years have likely developed how we perceive our lives and our situation greatly; far more than either of us can probably have the conscious awareness of as - regardless of how old we were when we first faced it, we were still learning and forgetting a lot of things that would innately frame the way we see the others and the world.

To the sister that made my life miserable, to the one that actively attacks and bullied me, actively tried to silence me and turn my parents against me, actively made the already bad neglect worse and actively took away all of the very few to no resources I had; to the sister that told me I couldn't complain because I was "too young" to remember the worst of the trauma; to the sister that I threw out of my life for four years and refused to so much as be in the same room as or see for two years, to the sister I gave up on after she disappointed me by repeating the same harmful behaviors over and over again over the six to eight years I had made an attempt to come to an understanding and make things work with; to the sister who - after time apart and given independent healing - came to the realization that our lives and childhood sucked, that we both were put through, that over time realized that the there was a lot more to life than the petty stressors we had built a habit of fighting over; to the sister that still from time to time, when prompted with specific triggers, will still revert back to those survival mechanisms and begin behaving in ways that are similar to how she did when we were younger; to that sister, I understand and I forgive you.

It took a while to get around here - a lot of work of healing and a lot of time apart to work through, process, recover and grow from the damage I had sustained in childhood both at your hands and not, but I understand. We were both children and we were both trying to survive. Children being forced to survive like we did will almost always look ugly, will almost always make a mess, and thats not your fault nor mine. Neither of us should have been put into that situation, and I understand why we were that way before, I forgive you and I hope you forgive me for whatever slights I likely did while trying to survive myself. I also understand that just acknowledging and being aware of this doesn't stop the trauma and immediately cure the pain and wounds that were inflicted upon us, and while we might relapse into old dynamics, I understand and forgive you already so as long as you do the same back. Healing isn't easy and more than anything, the thing that I value and cherish most is that we both have reflected on our pasts and how they affect our present and have made active genuine effort to handle it. The past is in the past, and the future is what we make of it. I'll be patient with you if you are patient with me.

To my oldest sister; to the sister that saw my pain when I was seven and came to help me; to the sister that took responsibility for making my life good and making sure I succeed; to the sister that saw the danger I was in and became dedicated, obsessed even, with making sure I did better than she did; to the sister that sat me down when I was not even in middle school to plan out all my classes up until graduate school and planned to help me enroll in the military at age 14 to pay for my tuition; to the sister that wanted to see me happy all the time to the point of recognizing a complex dissociative disorder and intentionally triggering one part out regularly to make herself feel better; to the sister that trained me in the brutal world of capitalism and taught me how to live on nothing because she knew, for a certain, that no one would be there for me and made sure I knew that I was entirely on my own; to the sister that gave me freedom and protection from my parents in exchanged for the knowledge that no one would help me should I fail; to the sister that got me a bird when she knew she was going to leave me alone and unprotected; to the sister that taught me to dominate everyone and everything to maintain peace, safety, and control; to the sister who was extensively traumatized and scared who used me as a subject to project her anxieties upon with good yet selfish and inconsiderate intent; to the sister who both saved me from my parents, but also made the effects of the 10x times worse and more dramatic; to the sister who I defended for 21 years of my life and kept from being disowned 6 times when no one else in the family would stand up for her; to the sister who - upon the slightest push back and watered down critique to acknowledge the damage done - threw me to the side as a party not trying in the relationship; to the sister who doubles down and refuses to reflect and grow, I appreciate what you have done for me and understand, but I do not forgive you - nor do I see myself forgiving you in the near future.

The most I can hope for is that you, much like my other sister, when given time apart, will come to realize the damage that you have done. That you will come to realize the true shittiness of our lives and understand that by constantly running, by constantly living in the ways that we originally learned to cope with our lives, by perpetuating the trauma that we were born and raised in, by never looking back to move forward, we will never truly escape and live the life that we deserve but were denied. As much as I wish I could sit here with you and help you through this process, that would cost me my own ability to heal, to move forward, to grow. I understand that you were doing the best for yourself, and I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt that you did what you thought was best for me - growing up how we did was hard and you more than any of us three had to deal with a lot of it on your own and without warning. You were of an older generation - mental health information was not as accessible and far more stigmatized - people were more conservative and less progressive. I completely understand how and why it is that your pain had been redirected onto me; however, I can't see that you see that. You seem unable to see your own fault and folly along with the consequences I was forced to bare. I can not forgive you, if you can not acknowledge your part in this show.

To that sister, all I can say is I hope you heal. I hope you get better and I hope you see that life doesn't have to be a constant game of run away from the past and trauma. I hope that one day you will realize why it is that conflicts follow and case you around. I hope that one day you reflect on the past and realize how your pain had caused others pain and I hope you can still love and accept yourself anyways. I hope then that we can talk again and start anew, but until then, I can not forgive you.

To both my older sisters, I don't know what our childhood was like for you - I lived it, I watched it, I saw it, but I could never truly fullly understand or begin to fathom what it was like on your side of the table, so I won't act like I do any more than I need to understand that I don't need to hate you for the rest of my life. Our childhood was hard, harder than any of us can properly remember by the sheer nature of it. I don't wish to hold bad blood over things happened in the past that will only get further and further in the past until they disappear to irrelevancy. I don't wish any ill upon either of you (excluding the acute moments when you really piss me off and/or we trigger one another****). I truthfully hope we all can heal, move on, and live our lifes regardless of how bad our first two or so decades of our individual lives have been. We are all survivors and thats something to be respected of.

Sincerely,

The Youngest Sibling

[laconic-nightmares]

so fucking bored of having to deal with moral ocd over the use of words

people arent going to stop making progressively stricter rules as to why people who dont have the exact fucking experiences as them cant use certain words

they arent going to stop trying to exclude anyone they percieve as suffering less than them from community, or help, or fucking 'terminology.'

i cannot express how little i give a fuck about this obsession with only ever using the exact right words, only using the words other people give u permission to use once theyve decided youve reached an acceptable level of visible pain. because its only about how much they think ur suffering based on their perception of ur life

[voided-selfships]

Top ten people that make me homosexual. Number 1-

[Taglist]

@comfycozycirrus @ghost--girlfriend @kylilah @arothroughtheheart-selfship @lovebandit42069 @love-birds-stuff @permafrown @cherry-bomb-ships @tropicalgothships

[ganondoodle]

reminder that my totk rants are me just rambling about my thoughts, ideas and complaints, im not trying to analyze anything, be smart, be right, debate or convince anyone who likes it that its bad just bc i think its bad or simply dont like the choices made, im literally just spilling out my brain so it doesnt keep haunting me

if you think something makes sense that i think doesnt i, and forgive me for being so blunt about it, do not care why you think it works, my opinion of this game will not change and i am okay with that

you are free to disagree with anything i say of course but i really dont care why, sorry

(sth i said only in the tags before but added now in this edit bc i think its important: its not bc i dont want to hear other peoples opinions and live in ignorance or something, but bc im tired and i PROMISE you i have seen 99.9% of those arguments already)

im not trying to be mean, aggressive or dismissive, but again, these rants are just me rambling with no intention of arguing with anyone, the only reason im still posting whenever i think of something thats bothering me (even if it might be dumb or be disproven in game bc i am not all-knowing and might be possibly misremembering something), and letting those posts be rebloggable/interactable is bc i have been told by quite a few people that they like reading them or that they feel validated in their own disappointment

thats it.

[luvmoonie]

I find it weird that someone’s first instinct is to say I'm uneducated for not supporting israel. ive done a lot of research and to say so is to take away the integrity of having a debate, instead of just being upset i don't agree with you. why is it wrong to say that israel should not have occupation over gaza? if it emboldened hamas would we not just fight against hamas instead of killing innocent civilians in the name of doing so?

to say that me saying 'it was sixth months ago' is calloused and that i'm saying everyone should get over it, is to completely misinterpret my point, so the irony of people to tag misinformation is astounding. What I meant is that to still argue that what israel are doing: starving people, killing over 30000, bombing homes and hospitals, is not easily justified with the argument of october 7th anymore, as it is completely outweighed by their inhumane genocidal actions.

There’s no denying that it was wrong and horrific, but there's even people doubting israel's claimed death toll of that day, alongside many other claims they put out. Whilst there is also speculation of claims from gaza, the claims of the idf torturing and raping prisoners alongside the rest of their actions, makes it seem weird and callous to me to argue that killing palestinians is right for this event. and yes, of course the focus is on hostages still in gaza, but is this israel's focus? what about them killing people not even involved. i’ve heard many say palestinians are not innocent also, because they voted hamas, which is the most cruel and unjust thing ive ever heard.

So, to say I have a lack of understanding is really one sided, as you clearly have a bias, and so do your rebloggers who are claiming im antisemitic when there is no claim in any of my posts that is against jews. Where in my posts is it untrue or incorrect? id really like to know because nowhere have i showed a lack of concern for lives, in fact i openly condemn the actions of hamas. maybe you all need to self reflect, because you seem to lack any consideration for the innocent palestinians if it means israel get to retaliate for hamas' actions? my original post regarding this was about the ignorance of the us and the military side of this, as this is clearly a political issue that many are projecting onto. ( which we can see with how iran have retaliated and how the uk have responded ) I'm not antisemitic, nor do i condone the killing of jews in israel. for you to say so baffles me with your narrow sighted view and complete disregard for anything ive said. it seems to me that many who have seen my post have an agenda, and are desperate to show that me being pro-palestine makes me antisemitic and pro-hamas.

I understood that making a post like this would incite many to argue for the sake of arguing, and many to completely misinterpret my words to make their point. Still, I hope you can find it in yourselves to be as sympathetic to the lives of those suffering in palestine as you are to those in israel. Please take a break from the internet and look around you to realise that this is not people discriminating against jews, it’s people being against the genocide Israel is committing with the desire for both sides to be free from this conflict.

@jewishlivesmatter I can’t tag you or even reblog your post, suggesting you’ve blocked me or something similar. This shows the propaganda and biased view you’re attempting to portray, which is really harmful if you agree with others that palestinians are not innocent and deserve this. Do better, if you’re going to spew such hatred, atleast be open to debate. 🫠 I would love to message you and actually talk about something so serious, or even reblog but clearly that was not your intent with this!

( @meandtherodentinthewall @jewishbarbies @fnafcraze1991 @jewishlivesmatter )

[cashweasel]

my ass really went "oooooh yazan's cute, what game are they from??" and wasnt finding a direct answer in the tags of the Yazan post that cane across my dash, so i went Prev Reblogger Prev Reblogger okay fine whatever OP's Post's Tags okay dead-end And Search Tags In Op's General Blog okay dead-end again okay Look At New Blog (aka your blog) That Had Been Tagged In OG Post And Search Tag in a wild goose so i could pursue their romance route oNLY TO FIND OUT YAZAN IS YOUR OC.. im so distraught. but your blorbo is lovely, A+ job, very good creation, yes, yes, yes, i am still distraught tho ngl lmao rip ill be down bad if you ever make a game

ASIFJRKWJWLAJDKAHDKSJA this ask has been sitting in my inbox for the longest time and I debated keeping it there forever because it just makes my day

Hi anon! (If you’re still around 😂) you probably came from judie night-triumphantt’s blog dhsjakdkfjfj thank you SO much for loving my blorbo im glad you like him it means the WORLD to meee 🥺💓💓💓

Lowkey you just had me daydreaming about it unfortunately the boy is married he can only be the npc you talk shit with DHDHSJSKALSK

[lockedtowers]

im supposed to be getting ready for work so heres some run ons

aka brina rambles, also this is not rebloggable for a reason. this is shit ive worked on for ages. across blogs i have deleted and everything. i dont want random ppl rbing it without permission and taking info and i want it set up so if the info is taken it can still be traced back here. esp with how long ive been deciding on names for those courts lmao. they’re not the most ingenius or anything but i still put work into it yknow.

so anyways basically cassies bio dad vas is ofc a full blood fae, and a hybrid of the two main ‘courts’ by wonderland standards bc ofc im going with the basis that is shown both in syfy canon and ouat canon of wonderland denizens have a very different physiology to other realms, Jefferson in ouat remembered everything in his original life and just had the new memories shoved into his head too which drove him upending, i write that into cassie she has her old memories because of her physiology but the new memories didnt really settle in her head at all, so she only has vague understanding of it all. her twin brother has all his old memories but he also has the new ones so he very much so leans into the ‘im gonna fuck around and see what happens cause this is great’ bc hes a clown, but anyways. and yes i play it as jefferson is from wonderland, i write my jeffy on my sideblog, i also write grace, ima do what i want, but abc kept going back and forth with it, they mention his home in ouatiw but then in ouat they imply hes not from there so they didnt give a shit either, i can do what i want

but again main point, there’s no reason why other realms faeries would have the same physiology as wonderland faeries would, and ive played it into threads too before, the general descriptions of cheshire cats generally lean heavily faerie like, cassie is the cheshire while her twin brother is the dormouse, in syfy verse those are more titles than actual being. but shes a faerie she has an animal transformation which makes that also an actual being, and while her title is generally just ‘cat’ to most people, she is aligned with and technically a cheshire cat, she has the grin they associate with cheshires and she often times acts as a sort of guide, but also a very annoying pot stirrer in multiple ways, and a main thing that i play on a lot is how she guides ‘oysters’ aka humans to hatter, which is something people dont bring up a lot. in aaiw the cheshire cat is essentially toying with alice and leading her on to where she should go, and while alice is following the rabbit, the cat is manipulating the system in its own way as well. im actually gonna go buy another crappy edition of aaiw just so i can annoyingly tab it and stuff and im debating a cruddy paper one or a good hardcover— anyways

so like obviously creative liberties here, faeries arent really canon to wonderland at all but like fair folk magical aspects are still present, like the pig turning into a baby and shit, all the wildcarding that happens. creative liberties, its free media now to do whatever the fuck you want. i know many people hate adaptions and im sorry they hate fun im gonna do what i want.

now most commonly people separate fae by seelie and unseelie, or ‘good and bad’ faeries is often how they describe seelie and unseelie. and whilst im sort of doing similar (but giving them new names bc again, wonderland is not the human land, theres no reason that they have to have the same names) im also adding to it, adapting it, etc etc. Even in the separate courts, there are subtypes, but the royal families of each court would have at least a basic gift with all the powers of the subtypes, which is essentially why they’re the ‘royal family’ despite their own powers being so much weaker than an individual only showcasing one subtype of magic. more equals greater, despite the obvious issues with that, more or less.

The two ‘courts’ or ‘good and bad’ as the ‘good’ would have one believe, the current names i have going for them would essentially be translated to Deyreins, the ‘good’, and Bludveils, the ‘bad’ (i still have to fix the spelling on my bios on the sideblog tho lol). Bludveils centuries ago were cursed by the Deyreins to an eternal binding of honesty, which means they have to be truthful in words, but they can use twist the truth through twisting and confusing tales, purposefully manipulating it to sound like something else while theyre still being truthful, and basically just using loopholes to get their way. And the results of that curse is used against them to frame them as massively villainous, cruel, and evil creatures. What the Deyreins did not count on was the Queen of Hearts using this to further her own gain, and villainizing both sides as a way to essentially wipe them out from the face of Wonderland. Those that are left on Wonderlands main plane hide their species, and the rest had to escape to an astral plane to protect themselves from her.

But a large portion already had to escape because of Cassie’s father. Most will only recognize him by one of two names, the White Knight who destroyed the house of black and gave reign to the Reds and Whites, or as the monster, the creature of everyones darkest fears, the creature accused of slaughtering villages for fun and embarking on chaotic destruction for the thrill, The Jabberwock. By all accounts, he is both. His animal transformation is the monster itself and he was always the one taking the head, but never the one given the crown. Which is ironic given his existence is due to a romantic tryst between a noble of the Deyrein court and a royal of the Bludveil court. The twins didn’t get equal parts of the bloodlines the way he did, Cassandra inherited a lot more Bludveil than Deyrein, the curse affects her too, but Mason got almost nothing from it. It’s recessive in his body, but the curse doesn’t act on him. he has nothing to worry about, she does.

They’re only have fae though, the other half is Witch, their mother is the Queen of Spades and an extremely powerful sorceress, and trysts like that are not meant to happen according to the Deyrein courts, they are not supposed to exist. they’re essentially not allowed to because that threatens the order the deyreins built for themselves centuries ago and regularly slaughter bludveils for trying to fight against. no matter which way its sliced or diced, they’re in danger from just about every single point. if their family bloodlines got out, from the hearts for threatening the fact they stole the crown from the rightful heirs, from the deyrein fae for threatening their control over the other plane because its proof they can coexist in ways other than treaties and threats and submission.

and ofc jack is just a bitch whos mad cassie didnt bend the knee to him, is obsessed with her anyways due to her fae magic, and doesnt want his crown threatened that he never earned in the first place. he’ll say otherwise like ph i played my mother and i worked for the resistance, bitch you stole that land you stole that crown get fucked, anyways.

thats all my rambles on that bc funnily enough this was supposed to be about what blood does to cassie lol and i never got there.

[galatariel]

People are being way too harsh on that poor person though because anyone could have dark hair and they might have not known it was meant only for black people

a very quick 1 sec look at the original poster's blog makes it a bit obvious and why would u rb that sort of post just to talk abt ur yt men like......don't ask me to debate that 😭 im just a reblogger here

[yellow-yarrow]

feeling weird about my post that is a response to that t*rf, getting this many notes. on one hand, maybe this will convince someone that that way of thinking is just wrong and not logical. on the other hand im bad at writing and terrible at debating, maybe it's not useful to take those arguments seriously, also it's getting out of my circle of followers and mutuals and its going to get misunderstood by people (i'm not saying being trans is supernatural i'm saying that if souls were real. it still would make sense.) who probably havent seen the original post. not to mention im cis (i have a trans sibling but thats not the same as experiencing this firsthand). i made it rebloggable so if someone wants to correct me on something they can. im not going to debate anyone tho

i spent so much time reading about disco lore and also philosophy, seeings someone go "um this doesnt fit disco canon" makes me mad, you know nothing about disco lore. lol

[novatwoast67]

☆ About me ☆

(since my bio is getting long)

Hi! My name is Oliver :3

Age: 21

Gender: genderqueer trans masculine (+1 year on testosterone)

Pronouns: he/him, they/them, it/it's

Orientation: grey ace and grey rom but also pan

Nationality: Filipino-New Zealander living in Australia

I'm Autistic, got ADHD, anxiety, depression and C-PTSD

I'm also one of the main hosts of a DID system (professionally diagnosed as of 26th Feb 2024!!) but this is my blog specifically

I practice witchcraft and goetic demonolatry

I'm also a psychological and spiritual otherkin, my main kintypes being void and vampire

My other notable side blogs:

@novartwoast (my current art blog)

@mogaifriendly (my mogai support/positivity blog)

@soupforbats (my otherkin blog)

@soupforstars (the system's blog)

Tags list:

#important tag (for information posts)

#always reblogg (for support posts)

#signal boost (self explanatory)

(i also have tags for other peoples art, writing, cosplay etc. and tags for animals and trigger warnings/content warnings but theres a lot so i wont list em)

note i dont always have the energy to tag everything so if i dont tag something important that fits the bill for the tags above, its not because it isn't important/good enough! i just dont always have the energy to do so ;w; but if i dont forget, ill try and go back to the posts to add the tag later!

small disclaimer but i tend to hyperfixate on problematic media but i know how to not support people and content that have these issues, and i know how to seperate the art from the artist/the persona from the person etc.. ive just accepted at this point that nothing is pure and that I'll try to avoid the worst stuff ;w;

if youre unccomfortable with anything i seem interested in because of this, dont feel bad about unfollowing and/or blocking me! take care of yourself first and foremost, you deserve to feel comfortable in your own space.

(that being said please dont judge me poorly when you do so ;w; my anxiety over these things is incredibly debilitating and genuinely makes my mental health spiral- but im working on it)

Please Do Not Interact if you perpetrate, defend or support:

"M4P/NOM4P"s (p3dophilia)

z0ophilia

n4zis, x3nophobia, racism, white supremacy

t3rfs, t3hms*

1ncest

rape, sexual assault, sexual abuse

other forms of assault and abuse

animal abuse (this includes P3TA)

anti v4x

pro l1fe

homophobia, transphobia, queerphobia in general

cringe culture

DNI (unless you're ok with having a chill and healthy debate**)

exclusionists (this means aphobia, if youre against he/him lesbians and she/her gays, if you're against bi/pan lesbians and bi/pan gays and if youre against mogai/neopronouns/neogenders)

trumeds

anti-kin/anti-therian

ableist

against self dx'ing (of course please take care and be sure to heavily research depending on the diagnosis but otherwise I'll usually assume you have and/or won't really be bothered either way)

pro ship (im not an anti shipper cuz i find the debate pointless, but i trust anti shippers a little more than pro shippers)

singlets or systems that are really big into endo syscourse. Most of my other system members and I believe in "you do you, just try to be nice to people and please be respectful of traumagenic systems if you're endo". That's about it

*if youre a t3rf or a t3hm i AM willing to have a conversation about the unethical nature of trans exclusion, but (as stated below) i may not respond if you're rude or if im too tired

**if you're rude or I'm too tired don't expect me to respond

Also just an fyi I probably don't have everything on these lists so im sorry if i missed anything!

and if you catch me perpetrating anything on this list it's definitely an accident due to ignorance; I'm nowhere near perfect so please let me know if it seems like i messed up! I'll be sure to look into it when I can.

That's pretty much it! Sorry for the long pinned post but yeah, enjoy my blog i guess :'D

[dragynkeep]

is the Adam artist thing about lisafahrenheit? I was curious so I looked at their blog and the only post I could find that would get that reaction was one that specifically condemned people who enthusiastically consume pedo and cp content to the point that it's part of their personlity. Was that enough to get you vagueposting about them? Idk I just think slapping someone who made a point of mentioning how shallow 'pro' and 'anti' labels are with 'anti' over that just feels a bit off, y'know?

1. stop fucking calling it cp, child abuse is not a porn category & both csa survivors & organizations who help us have begged people to stop calling it this.

2. the post lisa reblogges was purely about fictional content with ableist undertones, written by antis which we have both warned will earn a block. this rhetoric harms survivors, no one is consuming csem or "pedophilic content" when it's fictional & PIXELS. pro fiction people have explained this over & over & over.

3. if it walks like an anti, talks like an anti & spreads rhetoric like an anti then i will call them an anti; even if they don't "care" for the "pro/anti debate" like obviously they are enough to spout unfounded, harmful nonsense. especially when we're not seeing the same for antis who make death threats, suicide baiting, rape threats & doxxing part of their personality. it's only ever pro fiction ppl who say to stop fucking harassing people & just block. which is what i did so no, it's not "a bit off", im doing exactly what we said we would do on our pinned. good art doesn't excuse shitty, harmful mentalities. 💕

[monsterkiss]

So I'm still debating with myself about a possible nsfvv blog

Making it private even with password publicly posted might make it tricky to access from mobile for example but at least it will be probably (?) protected from tumblr bots flagging every post and nothing would be rebloggable

On the other hand, I could make a regular blog, just not tag things and remove it from searches and just in case censor some parts of the pics??? Also I'd be able to reblog nsfvv stuff from other blogs (I mean I could do it in the private one too but I think I wouldn't in this case bc feels almost pointless?)

Ehh im thinkin

[goddamnitdazai]

tagged by @catsbythegreat - ty <3

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

I was in love with Dazai and every time saw his face I was just like “god damnit you hot fuck” but this was shorter

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos)

Uhhhhhhhhh on tumblr the BDSM Mafia!Dazai smut (surprise lmao) and from AO3 probably something SNK related since those have been on there the longest. Mixed maybe?

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

I think its the same one from my personal blog and idk I just like the manga aesthetic 

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

on tumblr yeah. well like..rebloggers. but i 1000% stalk the tags on all my reblogs. 

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

Siren of the Misty Seas by @yokohamastraydogs, a few recently good Chuuya smut fics on AO3 (i can only quench my own thirst for so long lmao), there was this one general fic on AO3 that revolved around Dazai’s POV but I haven’t been on in so long I can’t think of the name. Other than that the only other series I followed was written by wifey ( @dirtylevi ) for SNK and she hasn’t updated in ten millions years (: 

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

none. i rarely use A03 tbh other than non-insert fics which I don’t have much of atm. 

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

Dazai staying in the mafia lmao. I can’t help it I just love him in those situations. 

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

fffffffffffffffffffffff idk on AO3 tbh but the OG blog had 2k and this one is at about 1500 rn. 

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

Yes?? ish?? Smut related things are weird because I write smut for other people to enjoy but idk where everyone else’s kinks stop because I’m a kinkier mother fucker and not everyone is??

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

DIALOGUE. WTF IS THAT

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

pfdjkaslfjdklas;a i write no ships (which is why i rarely use A03) but platonic my favorites to write are chuuaku & odazai. I’d like to explore Kouyou and Chuuya’s relationship at some point. 

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

sO MANY. I have an entire series of all my SNK one-shots just grouped together, and then my now four BSD series. & two unfinished snk long-fics................................oops

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

Only the BSD series. All of my old SNK fics (which was a fucking lot) are on my graveyard of a DA profile.

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

Head. I write them out on the notebook Kazoo gave me when I have the time or else they clog my brain and I get annoyed.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

Nah

16. How did you discover AO3?

fuck if i know

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

Hell nah lmao

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

idk i call my followers kinky little fucks when im reading the tags??? 

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

Yes, a lot of them do still. 

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

Practice is the only way you’ll get better. 

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

Uhhhhhhh I have this problem of having one specific scene of a story and its usually a middle part and then i’m obsessed with it but the beginning? the end?? the fuck are those?

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

Uh on one of my old smut fics for SNK someone said something about a lot of whores being on A03 like ??? what does that even mean?? the few times throughout the years ive only been slut-shamed on my smut lmao. and once about Aku shoving it in dry that started this whole salty debate about BDSM and the ignorance on tumblr was astounding. 23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

SMUT IS HARD. There are only so many words for “dick”. I’m a visual writer too so sensory details are my wheelhouse, anything else im like uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, especially with motions in smut like 98% of my life is trying to imagine position switching in my head and then forming words to explain it.

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

in my head? a lot. in real life? None because I have no god damn time.

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

ask my graveyard of unfinished series.

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

Writing at all is the only goal I have and even that’s not realistic.

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

Hell yea boiiii 

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

Unsettled [Levi] solely because the difference in my writing was like..ridiculous compared to my old style. I loved how it turned out. Like Smoke [Mafia!Dazai] has that same dark and kind of hazy feel to it and I love that series. That one where I fucked up Armin in a Zombie AU That one chuuaku fic that I don’t remember the name of.  That one where I fucked up Dazai and all the tags were turmoil and I loved it.

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

I hate the organization of TDOC. It’s on my list of re-writes tbh. Same with the BDSM centered mafia!dazai smut..thing..like it kind of ended up being this weird series-but-not and now I want to just...make it a collective thing because I have control issues and its bothering me.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

Hopefully fucking writing and not running a fucking Aeropostale and wanting to stab my eyes out lmao

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

imagining it in my head

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

VERBS

33. Why do you write? Escape. Expression. Thirst tagging these thots: @bungou-stray-dogs-indulgences @yokohamastraydogs @scarletwrittenblack @nenufair