#im so glad a little anonymous came to me for advice | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bigskydreaming · 3 years

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Continuing on that observation because I forgot to add this part, as a gen z I'm glad you understand that we or young people don't invent new ways to be evil, but it's not completely true. You aren't seeing new forms of online abuse in every platform, I doubt second hand information is going into details as well. Also the fact that you are a white man, there are things being said and done to poc in various online communities that I don't expect you to be privy to. Harassing fans of color and poc media has become a lot more common and normalized which parts of the fandom at large will never see. I don't know if anon did all of the thinking before saying "gen z bad" but they're not completely wrong looking at the kind of mass bullying behavior literal kids are exhibiting. They are learning from or being encouraged by older people but that shouldn't take the focus away from them to blame only the older people.

And my ask regarding Barbara, you assumed I hadn't thought about if my disdain for the character could have come from ableism. I had tho, granted you couldn't have known that and it was surely a possibility, so I'm not saying I'm mad about it, I was at that time a little bit. But you could perhaps give your anons a little more credit sometimes. Sometimes people know what they're talking about, you don't need to explain other possibilities to them each time.

Once again, sorry if this came off as very rude I just needed to share that observation and among many other instances these two were really highlights and kept bothering me. My issue with Barbara goes in a different direction than anything to do with her appearance and I've personally faced online abuse from people younger than me in ways that technologically, even politically, wasn't possible or as easy a few years ago, so you can maybe see why...

Please keep in mind that whatever context you have for yourself or your ask when you come into my inbox on anon......I have none of that. You have an awareness of yourself relative to whatever you asked me. I literally only know an anon by the words they put into my inbox and nothing else.

Also please keep in mind that every anon I answer, I do so in the larger context of my own interactions with tumblr overall. I have a lot of precedent with things I say being taken out of context, misrepresented or even just me not conveying myself as well as I like.

So the combination of those two things is that a) I literally just don't KNOW what any anon does or doesn't know and b) If I'm going to answer an anon, I tend to want to answer as fully and clearly as possible.

I can understand it coming across as being talked down to, so I'll work on that, but I would ask people to remember the above and keep that in context too when weighing my responses.....am I actually being condescending in every case, or does it simply feel that way because I'm including stuff you already know in my response? And if its the latter, is THAT something I COULD know about you without knowing who you are or you as a person and not just a paragraph sent in anonymously?

I'd rather be safe than sorry, and so from my POV since there's no harm in somebody seeing someone cover information they already know as PART of their overall answer or response, like, there's no reason for me not to include whatever I think is relevant and just expect readers to decide for themselves what about my response, if anything, is helpful, and like....just ignore the rest, y'know?

Also, just for the record, I am ADHD and I save my medication for when I'm working or writing or have stuff I absolutely need to get done, which doesn't include my usual blogging. So I'm usually posting while not on my ADHD meds at all, hence the rambling tendencies and the length. Another aspect of ADHD that doesn't get talked about much ime is we tend to over-explain, part out of just excitement/interest in whatever it is that has our attention, and also in part because we're used to people not necessarily following the leaps our minds take when jumping around rather than proceeding in an orderly thought pattern.....so, part of why I break things down so incrementally is I literally just don't know where my way of looking at things diverges from the way neurotypical thinking views things, so I want to draw as detailed a map as possible in order to ensure the most people possible can follow my thought process, just in case.

(And again see, this is something you might already know, and hell, you could have ADHD yourself, I just literally have no way of knowing that so rather than just mention it and be like "oh and also I have ADHD and so that's something to keep in mind" I'd rather explain WHY I feel that's particularly relevant to your question, since I'm kinda like, why not answer as fully as I have the spoons for? People can stop reading at any time if I go on too long. Its fine).

As for the specific asks you're referencing - my response to the gen z anon was not meant to convey that the sort of things you're describing don't occur among gen z, so sorry for giving that impression. Its actually the opposite of my point, which was simply that I don't think its a generational thing, or that anything is gained by treating it as a generational thing. This kind of behavior exists in gen z, yes, but it also existed before gen z. Its not gen z SPECIFIC, or limited to just that generation. That's all.

And the other ask, the one you made about Barbara - to be honest, I don't have anyway of knowing for sure which one you meant, and there are a couple it could have been, but if its the one I THINK you're referencing, I believe you asked how to stop people from assuming you dislike Barbara for reasons rooted in ableism when its because of other things? If that's the one, then I mean, the thing is....I DID answer your question, in as much as anyone could. I addressed the perceptions other people might have of your stance there, but basically - there IS no way to ever ensure people take you at your word or any kind of guarantee you can present your POV in a way that won't be misrepresented or misunderstood. So ultimately, I just had no real useful advice for that?

And so I expanded into the only thing I think anyone CAN control, aka their own thoughts and words, and suggested that you just double check to be sure of your own possible biases that others might read into your words without you being aware you were putting them in there. That wasn't meant as an insult or to suggest you hadn't already examined yourself for possible ableism - it was simply saying it never hurts to check again, y'know? We don't always catch everything every time we do a self-review, and internal biases are inherently tricky to pick up on ourselves. And it just loops back into the fact that I really had no way to know what you had and hadn't already considered, you're essentially a blank cipher to me....and in my experience, a lot of people are a lot more ableist than they realize.

And this isn't an insult either! It applies to me and I'M physically disabled! I'm constantly to this day unpacking new realizations about how I still have more ableist views and opinions than even I realize, even after about five years of living with chronic pain, vertigo, nerve issues and associated problems stemming from only half a working mouth lol. I'm not trying to insult people by asking them to just do what I do every day and just like....make sure I'm not the problem when other people have a problem with me. Because sometimes, even after reflecting as fully and genuinely as I can, I think they're still wrong! I don't have to agree with their conclusions! But that doesn't mean that they're never right.

And for the record, I do think its still worth examining on your end, because I don't love that you said your issues with Barbara have nothing to do with her appearance, when we're talking about ableism specifically. It very well could be just a poor word choice on your part and not a reflection of your actual views, but it could also be a suggestion that you tend to think of physical disability as something that's limited to there being a visual sign of, and there's a lot of invisible symptoms and changes to the ways a disabled person interacts with society and society with them that don't alter a disabled person's appearance in anyway...and many of these things are the exact stuff a lot of unacknowledged ableism revolves around.

So I'd like to give you and other anons more credit and the benefit of the doubt and assume you know what you're talking about and don't need things broken down as much as I tend to break them down to - but keep in mind I don't OWE you that, and its a lot to ask someone to take you on faith when you've already made the conscious choice to present yourself to them anonymously, and deliberately limit how much a person even CAN know about you before answering, when you have an equal opportunity to present yourself by name, allowing someone the full context afforded by your blog, that they can use to familiarize themselves with you and what you likely do or don't know before answering. I don't think its entirely reasonable to anonymize YOURSELF and then expect people to still give you the benefit of the doubt.

Especially when not giving you the benefit of the doubt only really results in me over-explaining something you don't think you need explained in certain ways or in as much depth. Its not hurting anyone, and you're not going to be the only one reading this response and maybe that over-explanation ISN'T something other people know and it could still be of use to someone else, y'know?

But lastly, please keep in mind that you came to me, and I just answered in the way that made the most sense to me. If that didn't work for you or wasn't what you're looking for, that's fine, but like. You knew way more about me going into this interaction than I could possibly know about you, and assuming good faith of you and your interest in my response and giving you as much of a response as I did in the first place, let alone now, IS giving you the benefit of the doubt in the sense that I'm assuming you can find some way in which these responses are of use to you.

And if not, like....just don't send me more asks? LOL. I kinda feel like you just didn't expect the answer you got, and that's sitting weirdly with you. Which I get, to be honest, but I don't particularly think that's a me problem, because that has nothing to do with anything I can control.

I can only give the answer that occurs to me when I read and think about an ask. I can't guarantee it'll ever be the answer the asker actually WANTS.

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witchysleepingbeauty · 3 years

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Hey, hope you are doing well. You don't have to post this up because this is just an advise to you. I notice your frustration while answering people's questions. If you take a rest from answering asks, and look back to the way you used to answer asks, you will see a difference.

You were so warm, inviting and patient but right now I am seeing annoyance and frustrations. I don't know if you are going through downs in your life right now, if you do, you can always take a break so that you could rest and deal with your current problems first, it's okay to leave things behind to focus on yourself, it's okay to be selfish to let your mind rest.

I get it that you will be frustrated because many people are literally asking the same question that has the same answers. But I believe it's because your Tumblr is getting known, that's why more new people are seeking for help with similar question, and your asks has too much that they can't scroll it down to seek for answers on their own.

I believe you started this Tumblr because you wanted to help others. The fact that you are not doing it for money shows that you have such a kind and pure heart. But I think you gotta be more patient with the new followers. They are anxious and needed motivation, that's why they came here for help. While the beginners just want deeper knowledge to grow.

When you first started this Tumblr to publicly help other, you must have known that you would encounter this kind of problem, because it's literally people worldwide that are using tumblr. Your role to them right now is like a coach. You need to be patient. I may not be able to fully understand your frustrations, but I believe it's like being a teacher. I was a teacher so I know how it feels like to have the students keep forgetting what I used to explain to them. But it's people's nature to forget or get carried away, they just need constant repetition to get used to a new concept.

Just be a little more patient. Calm yourself down before answering, because you aren't only making yourself feel bad, the anonymous would feel bad as well seeing the way you answer their asks, as if it's wrong to ask when they just want to seek for an answer towards their doubts. Some people who are more sensitive towards others feeling may feel your frustrations, it may cause then to not have the courage to ask you anything anymore.

One suggestion to you is that you can always just attach up a link to that asks if you don't feel like repeating the same shit. Because I think it would useful as it has detail explanations that could bring back the anonymous on track without needing to repeat the whole concept to them again.

At the same time letting them know that, the situation may seem different but it all comes down to the same solution.

Okay so this anon felt they wanted to express their opinion. I’m very glad they did because I accept all kinds of feedback and I’d love to talk about this with everyone here.

They are completely right, I got very frustrated yesterday at some point with some asks. The truth is that I want to help everyone and I’m trying to do it free but sometimes people think they can take advantage of this. I do not wish to stop taking asks and answering questions but I completely understand people who do it because it helps them also “filter out” people.

I see some of you that are troubled, that you need help, that you are stuck and you’re genuinely in need of advice, and no matter how repetitive your questions get I always love to answer them and give you all the help I can.

However there are also those who I feel like do not respect neither me or the others who truly need the guidance. I’m trying to make my posts as accessible as possible (If you have to propose something to make my all the information in here even more accessible please do so!) and yet I feel like people just don’t bother to look into the available information, they just go straight for the ask. It’s not the repeating asks that frustrate me, because I know that as time goes by they get pushed down in the blog by the new ones and it’s hard for people to find them. It’s the info that I have collected in my “quick links”.

Guys the post is pinned on the top of my page, I made it to help you find all my important posts and help me not to have to teach law of assumption to every single one of you every time. And these are posts that I have put time and effort in, i would appreciate it so much if you did some reading on your own because then it would feel like you respected my time more and also all the other people that actually bothered to read it, plus it would feel like you were actually invested in this and not just asking a question because you don’t have something better to do.

I get asks from people that legitimately try to change their lives, and it’s very inspiring and beautiful and then I feel like I’m getting asks form people that are bored to make some basic research.

I’m not talking about all of you that have basic questions, I know some of you are just confused because there is a lot of information out there about manifesting between law of Attraction and weird water techniques and limiting beliefs, im very glad to answer even the most basic question as long as I feel like you truly need it. I’m talking about those who truly just don’t bother…

I do not wish to make anyone feel like they shouldn’t send an ask, all I am asking is that you put some effort in before hand, don’t wait for me to answer every question that pops in your mind before making sure I don’t have an entire post elaborating on it. And then even if I do and you feel like your need more clarity or you didn’t understand something by all means feel free to ask!

If anyone would like to add something you are more than welcome to do so!

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diamondcamefromhell · 5 years

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Dance

Summary: this was a request by @rosasteri [who may as well be dubbed my creative muse bc the request i get from them make me super inspired ]“ hi, can I request Jaskier x reader? jask, geralt and reader stay in tavern. jaskier plays his music, but other bard comes and jaskier decides to take a rest. people start to dance so jaskier offers to reader his hand and trying to convince her to dance. but reader doesn't know how to dance so Jask teaches her “

Warnings: swearing

Word Count: 2,019

A/N: i really dont have anything to say, lmao, for some reason im at a loss for words today - spent most of it writing original story, and now have an this dying rge to read percy jackson, so guess i know what i will do tonight, lol, either way

any and all feedback is appreciated and can be left anonymously on my ask page <3

I heard raindrops outside before Jaskier strung his lute again. I peak out the window to see lighting strike somewhere far away. The tavern, however is dry and safe. A fireplace is lit near me, providing a good bit of warmth. I lean my back against it now, looking at Jask.

His shadows remind me of the monsters Geralt slays, splashed across the floor. The wood creaks beneath his feet, but his music overpowers it as his singing fills the room. I hear Geralt grunt in front of me as he chugs his ale. Our eyes meet, and while he seems annoyed, he also looks happy. He got rid of some noonwraiths today, so we were celebrating. The townsfolk were welcoming to their newly found hero and his sidekicks.

Jaskier prances to our table, as if to check if his friends were paying attention to him. He made it really hard not to. I wink at him, as he offers me a smile, dancing away now. I sip my wine, taking eyes off the bard to look at the witcher. His gaze was glued to the window, but a smile was on his lips. I decided not to bother.

I hear some disturbance come from the entrance, as a man rushes in. He’s wet from the rain, but I doubt he cares about that. From underneath his jacket he pulls out a lute, inspecting it to see if there is any rain damage on it. I see his shoulders relax and the answer is clear.

Jaskier seems to notice a fellow bard too, stopping his lute. He waves the guy in, allowing him to take the honours of entertaining the guests, as he drops next to Geralt.

“I need a break.” He exhales the words, taking his ale and sipping it.

“Oh yes, being a bard is sure tiring.” Geralt teases, as Jask nudges him.

“Try to do it yourself, then.” I smirk at them, twirling the drink in my glass. “Y/N, do you think being a bard is easy?”

“Easier than being a witcher.” I mumble, chuckling. “But sure, it’s not easy.”

“I have to entertain the masses, you know what happens when they aren’t pleased?” Jaskier dramatically throws his hands in the air, looking to Geralt and back to me.

“They throw rocks at you?” I can’t help but let out a laugh and Geralt’s comment, who in response smirks. “Because that’s what some do when they see a witcher. They throw rocks or whatever happens to be at their disposal. One time it was a cat.”

“Oh no.” I say, now fully laughing. I see Jaskier break character too, as he giggles. “Cats hate you, Geralt.”

“Feelings mutual.” He smirks, as I giggle again.

The silence between is comfortable, but soon the rained upon bard fills it. His lute sounds different, not the sounds I’m used to, but it’s still pleasant. His voice now fills the tavern and I steal a glance at Jaskier, to see what he thinks.

From what I can tell, he likes it. His lips are curled in a smile, and he’s nodding along, without realizing it. I relax, glad he’s not getting competitive. Our eyes meet and he sticks his tongue out.

“I wont try to overplay him.” He says, as I smirk.

“Not again.” Geralt corrects the bard, who flushes red, downing his drink.

“Shut up.” He practically gargles at us.

I laugh. One time at a similar evening, another bard came in and Jaskier wasn’t happy about it. He also wasn’t on his first ale. Or his fifth, for that matter. So he tried to overplay the other guy, and things went wrong faster than Geralt and I could grasp. Our good friend was trying so hard, he danced into a pillar, breaking his lute in half, and then crying.

We helped him out. After we stopped laughing.

I see people spring to their feet now, as the empty space is filling up with patrons, dancing. Couples and friends alike start to move. In turn, bard makes his melody more cheery. I appreciate that, nudging my head side to side in beat.

“Y/N! Let’s dance!” Jaskier yells suddenly, startling me. I stare at the bard, who is already on his feet.

“Jaskier, you know I don’t dance.” I say, as he rolls his eyes.

“Stop being a party pooper and just do it.” He teases as I cross my arms. He grabs my shoulder shaking me.

“I don’t know how to dance!” I argue, and he stops the shaking only to start poking my arm.

“I’ll teach you.” He argues back and I see Geralt raise his eyebrows.

“Teach Y/N how to dance into pillars? Don’t let her embarrass herself like that.” I give witcher a thankful look, but Jaskier is relentless.

“Geralt, fuck off.” He puts his hand right up Geralt’s face, before looking to me again. “Y/N, let’s go!”

“Fine!” I finally give in, as Geralt looks like he is really close to losing his shit and hitting Jask or, gods forbid, his lute. I’d rather avoid another broken-lute-and-cry situation, as funny as it was.

I lazily stand up, and before I can even gain proper footing, Jaskier drags me out. I nearly run into one of the dancers, but at a last second, Jask pulls me out of the way. I glare at the bard who offers me an apologetic smile.

I straighten up, as he starts to step around, dancing. I blankly stare at him, not moving an inch of my body. Jaskier sighs, grabbing my hand and waving it around.

“Loosen up, Y/N.” I roll my eyes.

“I’m dancing. It’s called a statue.” I tease, as Jaskier nudges me, laughing.

“Just step around.” I raise my eyebrows. “Like you really need to use the restroom, but in time with the music.”

“What now?” I laugh, as he rolls his eyes, pulling away.

I try to take his advice the best of my ability, stepping around a little, but timing it with the music. Jaskier grins and I can tell he’s trying to hold back a laugh. I stop, getting embarrassed, once he realizes that, he laughs and hugs me.

“I’m sorry, it’s just your legs, they move, but from waist up you look dead.” He laughs in my ear as my face heats up.

“Well should I just act like I’m dying and shake all around?” He snickers, pulling away. His hand still on my shoulder now slides to my hand.

“Let me lead you.” I press my lips, nodding.

“Sure.” I say, through my teeth.

“Do the leg thing.” I am not sure what he means, so the bard sighs. “The toilet dance.”

“Right.”

I do ‘the leg thing’ as Jask gently moves my arms around. He sees that I am not showing much, if any, restraint, so he grows more confident and bold in his moves. I feel like a ragdoll, dragged around, and he starts spinning.

Until I trip, falling and getting under his feet. He crashes on top of me, and I swear I hear Geralt laugh.

“I can’t breathe!” I grunt, as I feel Jaskier vibrate on top of me. It takes me a moment to realize he’s laughing. I try to push him, but the bard just won’t budge. “Jaskier, for the love of god!”

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” He says, finally lifting himself off me. I glare at him as he extends his arm to me, helping me up. He breaks out into laughter yet again. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” I say, cleaning my dress with my hands. I feel my cheeks heat up as I see people snickering looking our way.

“Like you hate me.” He pokes my cheek, removing his hand before I can punch it away.

“But I do.” I respond, as the bard ends his song. People cheer for him, as Jaskier and I stare at each other. I struggle to keep a straight face, breaking into a smile. “I hate you.”

“Sure you do.” Jaskier purrs, winking at me, before the bard plays another song, and he starts dancing around.

I don’t wait for him to drag me around again, and I start moving. I do the toilet dance, not forgetting my upper body this time. Jaskier looks me up and down, smiling. The tune pics up in speed, and I struggle to keep up, scared of tripping.

“Don’t be so scared.” I hear the familiar voice, as if he just read my mind. I give a quick glare at the bard, before focusing back to my feet. “You’re thinking too much.”

“If I don’t, I’ll be falling too much.” I hiss, still not lifting my eyes, until his hand lands on my shoulder, stopping me.

“Just look at me or close your eyes, and listen to the music.” He does a twist, grinning. “Let the music carry you.”

“I’m not a musician, Jaskier. Music doesn’t carry me.” He beeps my nose in response, an even bigger grin painting across his face.

“Music has a power to carry anyone. You just need to allow it to do it.” He waves me closer to himself, so I lean in. “And the secret is, nobody knows how to dance. That’s why nobody also judges others. We all just… allow ourselves to move.”

I step back, taking a deep breath in. I close my eyes, listening to the fast-cheery tune. I focus on the bards voice, as it wraps around me. I try to let go off my anxiety and fears, letting my body lose. I try not to think of what I’ doing and who may be watching. I follow the notes like my body is the instrument.

It feels freeing, as if some weight has been lifted off my chest.

I open my eyes, expecting to see some judgemental looks, hear some laughter, but just like Jaskier said, nobody was judging me. I even stole a glance at Geralt, who was simply paying no attention to us. I look at the bard, as he gives me an encouraging nod.

The song dramatically slows, and he now steps closer, extending his arm. I never danced with anyone, but Jaskier seemed like a good practise. We were great friends, so if something went wrong, I am less likely to want to dig myself into a hole.

His hand lands on my waist as I put mine on his shoulder. He takes our free hands, lifting it to the side. I know males lead, so I try to do the same thing. Give in to music, and follow the energy, which in this case was my partner. Our eyes meet and his blue ones shine, reflecting the fire. I smile, not even realizing we are, in fact dancing.

“You’re a natural.” He says, gently pushing me so I would turn.

“Maybe you’re a good lead.” He pretends to be surprised, twisting me around.

“Yes, I think that’s it.” He finally agrees, winking, as I let out a giggle. “See, dancing isn’t that bad.”

“I guess so.” I am reluctant to agree, I know he wont let me live this down. “As long as no pillars happen to be in a way.”

“You will never forget it, will you?” He says through his giggle, and I shrug.

“Maybe. But I wont forget this either.” I say, as he gives me a kind smile.

The song ends and I don’t let go off his hand, dragging us back to our table. We sit down and Geralt looks at us.

“You two danced well.” He says and I am taken back, as it is rare to get a compliment from witcher.

“Thanks.” I whisper, looking at the table.

I let go off Jaskiers hand, my heart beating faster. I don’t hear whatever he starts to blabber about, and I notice Geralt look away too. A different song picks up, and I cant stop my feet from dancing under the table.

I look out the window to see the rain has passed. The sky is clearing up.

#jaskier request #jaskier x reader #jaskier fluff #but not really??#witcher imagine #jaskier imagine #jaskier one shot #tagging makes me so tired #after like two tags im so over it #but exposure #i want it #pls

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bokutsumie · 4 years

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Hey!! I just found your blog not to long ago and 😭👌💛 lovely stuff, might I say!! I was hoping I’d be able to ask for a Match-Up for BNHA, Haikyuu!!, and JJK? (If it’s too much, you can reduce! Don’t overwork yourself! 💛) I am a female and I personally go by She/Her pronouns, but honestly I’m so laid-back that I don’t care when people use he/him or they/them despite identifying as a female!

Uhh, appearance wise, I’m a 5’3” female, who’s friends say I’m “curvy” or has a “hour-glass” body figure! 😅 I have long ash-brown hair with a strange blonde streak in the back underneath (no clue where that came from bro it just showed up one day 😂) and with faded blue laced underneath my hair from a break-down hair-dye incident a year ago (oof yknow how it is 💅). I have pale skin and vague freckles on my shoulders. I have bright blue eyes!! Quick note, because of my “thiccness”, I do struggle with body-image and self-confidence, unfortunately-

I am a huge singer!! I have major stage-fright though, and so because of that I’ve only ever sung in choirs with a group where my voice is drowned out, or with my friends! I also really like to bake and cook (though I will say I’m better at baking than I am cooking-). I’m a huge artist, I spend a lot of time sketching in my sketchbooks and collecting aesthetic pins on my Pinterest! I also have a huge love for writing and writing/reading Fanfiction, and I love to organize! Music is a big part of my life as well, and honestly I couldn’t live without music! I have a wide variety of taste in music, so I pretty much listen to a little of everything! Personality wise, down to the one I’m described by my friends as the “mom” friend, and I’m a HUGE empathetic gal! I’m told I give amazing advice, especially when it comes to rougher topics cause I tend to understand insecurities more, or try to understand and listen? I’m definitely more of a listener than a speaker, as well as a follower than a leader unfortunately. 😅 I’m really shy and awkward at first, but if people take the time to break past my barriers, they find that I’m a goofball hopeless romantic that cares and feels WAY too much! I tend to become friends with Extroverts more so than Inteoverts since I have a really hard time starting and keeping a conversation afloat! I’m also really lazy, but get major boosts of confidence, motivation, and energy late at night! I’m also a night owl soooo...It’s really hard for me to fall asleep, so I usually listen to music or audios to help me sleep well. People also say I’m a Tom-boy, since I’m not into “girly” stuff? OH: my style of clothing is usually jeans, black leggings/sweatpants, oversized hoodies, or flannels, and yes ... I do tend to steal people’s clothing LOL-

My Zodiac is Aries (I know, I’m not a stereotypical Aries with anger issues and confidence 😬😅), and my MBTI is a ISFP-T! My favorite day song (yes, I have a cycle for day songs and night songs 😌 I prefer rock n roll in the day, soft songs at night) is “Riot” by Three Days Grace or “Teenagers” by My Chemical Romance! My favorite night time song is “Please Never Fall in Love Again” by Ollie MN or “Unforgettable” by Nat King Cole!

...sorry for all the information 😳😳😳 looking back now I realize how much I wrote...uh....just gonna put myself on Anonymous so I don’t look like a complete fool-

hi, im honestly really glad you like my blog, but this is probably the last time i'm going to specify this and from now on i'll be ignoring requests that don't follow my guidelines. as much as i'd love to do this especially because you put so much detail into it and i really appreciate it as a writer (etc.), i don't know what gender to pair you with! not trying to be rude, it's just a pain when i get a really good request with a bunch of extra details and stuff but it doesn't specify something that i need to be able to complete the request. i'm sorry :(. but it really was so sweet of you to include so many details! i just don't wanna make anyone uncomfy by matching them up with a character that doesn't fit their sexuality. this was a pending request and i finally just read through it but please don't be shy to submit another one when matchups are open again!

#barking—[🎞]#i'm sorry if this sounds mean i am so fucking tired HSJSB

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suilinbride · 4 years

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Hello! Glad to see you again, sorry tumblr is so broke! I hope you are well. If I am not too late, may I request a lenormand reading of the general spiritual kind? Trying to work with and around my adhd in this area has been difficult. I didnt see any info request in your post, but I think ive seen you request initials before. Im AM. Thanks! Or if I am late, thanks anyway! Stay safe and well!

Hello there AM! Thank you for the well wishes, I've been a little under the weather this past week but it looks like it's starting to fade out and I'm starting to feel a lot better now, which is always good.

And yes, I'm doing my best to stay safe too. I have a form of Asthma, and I've heard people with any kind of Asthma are especially easy targets for Corona, so I've been sticking inside or at least around my home. I'll probably be sticking in or near home until they figure out a vaccine or things truely start to settle down further.

Of course, it doesn't help that my grandmother is currently going through the moderate stages of Dementia, and we have to constantly keep her from wandering off or attempt to go places during these crazy times. My family and I have our hands full with trying to keep her home and safe for sure. I know it's kept me worried sick on occasions, and I've ended up with some more Grey hairs because of it. It also doesn't help that my grandparents are Republiccan, are super fans of Trump, and my grandmother especially doesn't believe that the Pandemic is something to worry about.

Nope, you're not late at all. Your request came just in time actually. And yes, I prefer initials or aliases for people who send in anonymous requests for divination. I know some people ask for other things like your Sun, Moon, and Rising signs to get a lock on your energy, well I do the same with Aliases, Initials, and the like. So long as it's something you go by that is authentically connected to you in some way enough to allow me to get a proper lock on things to read for you as best as I am able to.

Alright, let's get to your reading then. For your reading, I drew the following cards:

House, Fish, Crossroads, Mountain, and Key.

Okay, first let's look at the individual meanings of the cards that came up for your reading.

House: Home, house, family, family name, real estate. Fish: Business, Independance, freedom, abundance, adaptability, freelance. Crossroads: Choices, options, future paths, fork in the road. Mountain: Block, delay, obsticle, stop, prevension, challenge, isolation, stubbornness. Key: Answer, fate, key, significance, importance, destiny, turning point, solution.

Alright, now that the individual meanings for each card have been laid out, let's take a look at the center card in this reading. The center card for any Lenormand reading is the heart of the reading, the theme for the reading as it unfolds, and the essence of the reading itself in a lot of ways.

In this case, the center card is Crossroads, which is all about choices and options. I can instantly see that there are so many choices around you currently, so many ways for you to progress with your spirituality, and I can only imagine having so many options and choices can be overwelming.

After that, I'll go ahead and look at cards two and three, along with cards three and four, to figure out and summarize the essence of what the cards have to say for you in this reading.

Fish and Crossroads: Multiple paths to obtain abundance, multiple ways to adapt to your situation. Crossroads and Mountain: Delaying or hindering abundance.

Just like I thought, it looks like the multiple paths and choices are only causing you problems by overwelming things. It's the fact that there are so many ways of going about to get where you either need or want to go that is slowing you down, causing you to stop in your tracks.

My first piece of advice is of course take a breather for a few moments, trying to relax. Do you have any specific goals in regards to your spirituality? Is there anything you see for yourself you'd like to obtain or maybe anything that your guides, companions, gods, etc, would like you to obtain or achieve?

Either way, take your time, there is no hurry. Though the more ideas you might have about where you'd like to go, obtain, or achieve, might help you narrow down your options a bit, which will most likely help with the problem you're facing currently.

Now that I finished looking at the essence of what the cards are trying to tell you, let's take a look at any possible conflicts or problems that you might be facing as part of the situation being read for here. I do this by reading cards one and five, along with cards two and four, by employing a little Lenormand trick called mirroring.

House and Key: Fated family, destined home, significant or important family member or place of residence? Fish and Mountain: Delaying abundance, hindering abundance.

Like I asked before, are there any influences impacting this situation, causing more choices or options to open up and therefore overwelm you even more? I ask this because this part of the reading is telling me that something or someone is specifically causing the many options to occur, the overwelming feeling to compound.

Is there a particular place you feel like you should be or need to be spiritually? A deity or a group of deities reaching out to you? Or a deity or deities that you already have some kind a relationship with who want to deepen their relationship or relationships with you? The same questions can be asked about spirits as well.

Or maybe it's more like there's a place in your spirituality that you feel like you need or want to be, or said deities, spirits, etc, need or want you to be at? Whatever the case may be, regardless of whomever or whatever the source of the desire of things may come from, it's the focus of such that is either directly causing the multiple choices or options about how to proceed to obtain or achieve this that causes all the various choices and options to manifest, thus overwelming the hell out of things.

Alright, now that I finished reading the primary portion of this reading, let's dive straight into things to obtain some more details for you! In my opinion, you can never go wrong with nitty gritty details!

First, I'm going to read the cards as pairs:

House and Fish: Abundant family or home. Fish and Crossroads: Choices or options for abundance. Crossroads and Mountain: Hindering future paths. Mountain and Key: Important or significant delay or struggle.

There is a person or people for that matter, or even a place of being, from a spiritual perspective that is connected to you in some way. Maybe you already know them or that place, maybe you are seeking them or that place, or maybe they and that place is seeking you instead. Either way, regardless of which way it actually is, this person, these people, this place wish to bless, improve, help, aid, or to allow you to further grow or thrive spiritually.

Problem is, however, there are so many ways they can go about doing this. Maybe the choices are in their or that hands, or maybe the choices are in your hands instead. Either way, there's too many to properly get a grip of things at the moment.

All these choices and options, either from their end or on your end, are causing the problem. The various choices and options presenting in front of you are causing major delay to your personal spiritual growth and development that it's causing things to come grinding to a halt in frustration.

The real problem is, however, that whatever may reside beyond the choices is important. It's significant in a number of ways to all involved, and it's understandable that you, and maybe even them and that too, are wanting to figure out the correct path to get to that significant thing or person or place, but the actual significance of whatever it may be, combigned with all the options and choices that lead you to it or that or them, is confusing as hell. It's confusing and overwelming and causing you nothing but problems.

Okay, last but certainly not least, I'm going to dive even further for even more details by reading the cards out in their rows.

House and Fish: Abundant family member, family, or home. House and Crossroads: Multiple family members, families, or homes. House and Mountain: Hindering family member, family, or home. House and Key: significant family member, family or house.

Looking at things further, breaking it down into more details, makes me think that it's more likely a person or people involved than a place or state of being in regards to the house card showing up in your reading. This is good to know and helps clarify some things.

A person or group of people wish to bless, aid, or benefit you. There's actually more than one person involved, though there could one person who is leading or taking charge of things while others realted help with it. However, the current way they are going about doing things, may be what they think is the most efficiant manner, but in reality it's problematic and causing you to become overwelmed with all those choices. That being said, the person and/or the people involved are significant to you and/or the overall situation of your spirituality in some way.

Fish and Crossroads: Multiple ways to be abundant. Fish and Mountain: Hindering abundance. Fish and Key: Important or significant abundance.

There are multiple ways in which they can bless and aid you in your spirituality, but of course, this, as much as the multiple ways of going about getting to where you need or want to go, is causing all kinds of problems. It's slowing things down and causing a lot of the overwelming feeling. But the blessing or aid they are just as important and/or significant as they in-of-themselves are.

Crossroads and Mountain: Hindering the future paths. Crossroads and Key: Significant or important choices or options.

And of course, all of this is doing nothing but hindering your path, whichever path you may want to take or even should take in the first place. And to compound the issue further, there isn't only one important or significant path you can take. Multiple paths are important or significant in ttheir own ways, though I feel like some are more so than others.

Mountain and Key: Important or significant delays, struggles.

And the struggle you are going through, the hinderences that are causing you so much delay to your spiritual growth and development is important significant as well. It's important that you deal with this now, so that you can figure out which way you best determine is suited for you to move ahead on.

And there you go. I'm sorry if this reading didn't really clarify things enough for you, though I hope it does help in some way. Please let me know if you'd like me to try and do another reading to try and determine more about things, especially if you have any specifics you'd like me to try and look into with a second reading after reading this one.

Once again, thank you for giving me the oppertunity to read for you like this. Take care and stay safe yourself!

#Anonymous #Readings for Others #Free Readings #Lenormand #Scrying Ink Lenormand #General Spiritual Readings #Five Cards Spread #House #Fish #Crossroads #Mountain #Key

6 notes · View notes

emmerrr · 6 years

Note

heyyyy if you wanna write a pynch vday fic, how about one where they're like... both trying to be sneaky about planning sth for valentines day and so both think the other has forgotten about it and they're both like ://// but it all uhh works out in the end?? x

what a top notch suggestion, absoLUTELY i can write that 💕💕 (uhh heads up this got kinda long, i’ll put it on ao3 too and reblog with a link later)

Adam sat alone in a corner booth of Nino’s, History notes open on the table before him. He’d written VALENTINE’S DAY?? in the margin, underlined three times. He frowned at the words, wondering why he was fixating on them, and turned his head to stare listlessly out of the window instead.

Blue was there working, but she’d been too busy to come and say hello so far, simply offering him a harried wave when she spotted him walk in, pointing him towards the table he was now seated at. The other staff at Nino’s never bothered them anymore, knowing Blue would cover their table. Adam had heard them being referred to as “Blue’s Boys” on more than one occasion.

He was currently the only one there, having beaten Henry and Gansey out of the school gates. He assumed they’d got held up by a traffic light or two, and Ronan had further to drive than the rest of them so would likely arrive last anyway.

Thinking of Ronan immediately returned Adam’s thoughts to the words written in his notes and he scowled at the parking lot. On the surface, Valentine’s Day didn’t seem like it would be Ronan’s thing. Adam wasn’t even particularly sure it was his thing. But the fact remained that Valentine’s Day was a week away, and Adam didn’t know what, if anything, he was expected to do for it.

He tried to think back to previous years and remembered receiving an anonymous card from someone back in the seventh grade; a generic heart-shaped thing that simply said ‘Will you be my Valentine? x’ inside. He was fairly certain the sender was a girl in his English class who had never said a word to him but blushed every time she caught his eye. Adam didn’t see how he was supposed to answer whether or not he’d be her Valentine if she never told him she had sent it. And of course, she never owned up, and he didn’t want to suggest it was her in case he was wrong, and he didn’t actually want to be her Valentine anyway. So it was never mentioned again.

The difference here was that Ronan was his actual boyfriend. Didn’t that mean that they were each other’s Valentines by default, then?

Adam didn’t know. He’d never navigated Valentine’s Day before. Not like this.

He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t hear Henry and Gansey approach until they were right there.

“Oh, History notes,” Henry exclaimed. “Can I borrow them?”

Adam turned his head to see Henry already sliding the notebook towards him. “Your notes are always make more sense than mi—” Henry cut himself off, eyes widening at something on the page. Too late Adam remembered the VALENTINE’S DAY?? in the margin and slapped his hand over it, snatching back his notebook.

Henry was grinning at him. “Big plans?”

“No,” Adam muttered. “No plans at all.” He stuffed the notebook into his messenger bag.

Gansey had slid into the booth opposite Adam and watched the exchange with raised eyebrows. “What have I missed?”

“Nothing, apparently,” Henry said easily. Adam was grateful that Henry clearly wasn’t going to push it (at least not with an audience), but reasoned he could perhaps use some advice.

“So,” he started. “Valentine’s Day. Thoughts?”

“I’m glad you asked, Parrish,” Gansey said. “It was originally a Western Christian feast day honouring a couple of early saints called Valentinius—”

“Yes, thank you, Captain Wikipedia,” Henry cut in. “I’m not entirely sure that’s what he meant.”

A jug of Iced Tea was plonked onto the table without ceremony and they all looked up to Blue Sargent as she handed out glasses.

“It’s a dumb holiday invented by Hallmark to sell more cards,” she said, obviously having heard the tail-end of the conversation.

“Well, obviously there’s that too,” Gansey said, beaming at her.

Adam sighed. They were all monumentally unhelpful.

“Why the interest, Adam?” Blue asked, a knowing glint in her eye.

“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug. “I’m just…okay, with Ronan, do I just treat it like any other day? Do I get him a card? Will he think it’s stupid? Do I think it’s stupid?”

There was a short silence as the three of them blinked back at him, and then Blue carefully said, “Do you think it’s stupid?”

Adam wasn’t sure how to answer that. The truth was that he sort of did think it was stupid, but he also thought he wanted to acknowledge it anyway. He thought doing nothing at all kind of made him look like an asshole.

In the end, it all circled back to Ronan, and whether he would care. Did he have anything planned? Was he having an internal crisis over it as well?

In lieu of an answer, Adam shrugged again.

“Speak of the devil,” Henry said, and nodded towards the entrance.

Ronan, dressed all in black (of course), had just stepped inside. He scanned the restaurant without turning his head but when he spotted Adam, his shoulders relaxed, and he smiled just a little.

Adam didn’t think he’d ever get tired of seeing that.

“Oh god, you two are the worst,” Blue scoffed as Ronan started to make his way over.

“What?” Adam said without looking at her.

“You know exactly what, Adam Parrish. You and Ronan with the googly eyes. Jesus Christ, you’re in public. Tone it down.”

“You tone it down,” Ronan said jovially, hip-checking Blue as he drew level. “What are we talking about?”

“The origins of Valentine’s Day,” Gansey said delicately.

Ronan snorted derisively. “Valentine’s Day,” he said with as much scorn as he could muster, “is capitalistic bullshit invented to sell cards and flowers and chocolate.”

“Hey man, that’s exactly what I said,” Blue said, sounding pleased, and she and Ronan fist-bumped. Adam rolled his eyes. They really were two sides of the same coin.

“You’re in my seat, Cheng,” Ronan said.

“Sit by Gansey, I was here first.”

Ronan shrugged. “Fair’s fair.” He stepped up onto the seat and over Henry and squeezed into the spot between him and Adam.

“Ronan Lynch,” Gansey hissed. “You’ll get us kicked out!”

“Calm down, Dick, no one noticed,” Ronan said. He had both arms stretched out across the back of the booth, and Adam and Henry were both leaning into him a little thanks to the lack of space.

“This is cozy,” Henry said cheerfully.

It was Blue’s turn to roll her eyes and she pulled her little notepad out of her apron pocket. “Alright, I have to actually do my job now, what do you want? Gansey, I’m assuming you want your usual half-avocado monstrosity?”

“You’re a millennial, Blue, you’re supposed to like avocados.”

Her disgusted expression was answer enough. The rest of them rattled off their food order and then Blue went off to put it through.

“Doesn’t anyone want to come and sit by me?” Gansey asked. “It’s lonely over here.”

“Oh, don’t pull that face, Gansey, you’re making me sad,” Henry said, swapping sides. He scooched right the way over to Gansey and draped an arm around his shoulder before sighing loftily. “It’s hard being this popular.”

“But someone has to do it,” Adam said drily, earning him a quicksilver smile.

“And I do it so well.”

Ronan was stopping at Adam’s for the night, but they had each come to Nino’s in their own cars so separated in the parking lot to drive over to St Agnes in a convoy.

Ronan was already peeling out of the lot by the time Adam reached his shitbox, and he was held up further by Henry calling his name. He turned and Henry jogged over, Gansey nowhere to be seen and most likely still inside saying goodbye to Blue.

“Oh, sorry,” Adam said. “You wanted my History notes, right?”

“No, that’s not — well, yeah, actually, thank you,” he said, taking them when Adam handed them over. “I actually came over here to give you some unsolicited advice.”

“About the Valentine’s Day thing?”

“That’s the one.”

Adam shrugged. “It’s not entirely unsolicited. But anyway, it doesn’t matter anymore. You heard him.”

“Yeah, I heard him. Sounds like posturing to me.”

Adam tilted his head to the side. “You think?” Ronan certainly was prone to posturing.

“Sure. I mean, I have no doubt that he really does think Valentine’s Day is what he said in there, but I wouldn’t let that put you off doing something, if you wanted to.” Henry waited for a response, and when Adam didn’t offer one, he prompted, “You do want to, don’t you?”

Adam smiled wryly. “Is it that obvious?”

“Only if you know what to look for,” Henry said, but before Adam could think on that too much, he continued. “Look, I don’t know Ronan as well as you do, but even from the outside, it’s clear how he feels about you.”

Feeling himself blush, Adam immediately looked down at the ground. He did know how Ronan felt about him. It was often whispered to him in the middle of the night when it felt like they were the only two people in the world. It just took him off guard to hear it so plainly from someone else.

“Think about it, Adam. Regardless of how Ronan personally feels about what Valentine’s Day stands for, do you really think he’s going to let a day when he’s practically green-lit to be as obnoxious as possible about you just pass him by?” Henry shook his head. “Not the Ronan Lynch I know.”

Well, when it was put that way. “Did he say something to you? Do you know something?”

“Not a thing,” Henry said, and Adam believed him. “It’s just an observation and an educated guess.”

“Huh,” Adam said thoughtfully. He pulled his car keys out of his pocket and tossed them in the air, catching them again, ideas already forming in his head. If Ronan was going to be obnoxious, Adam could be obnoxious too. “Thanks, Henry. I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t lose my notes.”

“I will try my level best.”

Adam gave himself three rules for Ronan’s Valentine’s gift:

1) It had to be heartfelt.

2) It also had to be in good humour and not take itself too seriously.

3) It had to be cheap.

He was too sensible to spend money he didn’t have on some arbitrary gift Ronan wouldn’t appreciate. Not to mention that Ronan was impossible enough to buy for as it was; firstly he was rich enough to buy himself pretty much anything he might want, and secondly he could literally manifest his dreams. It was going to make future birthdays and Christmas’s an absolute nightmare.

(But what a wonderful problem to have.)

What it all basically meant was that Adam had to go homemade, and given that he had school and work (and Ronan) to work around, he didn’t have a whole lot of time to do it.

He borrowed Gansey’s laptop during lunch-break on Monday at Aglionby and made Ronan a mix-CD of the cheesiest love songs he could think of. It featured such classics as You Make My Dreams by Hall & Oates, Heaven by Bryan Adams, True by Spandau Ballet, and many, many more. It wasn’t even remotely Ronan’s kind of music which made it funny, but as embarrassing as some of the songs might have been, they did actually somewhat echo Adam’s own feelings. He got to be a sap in the guise of it being a joke, and Ronan would get a kick out of it.

Obviously, he also added the Murder Squash Song for good measure.

Next up was a card. He could have bought one — his budget would have allowed it — but all the store ones were godawful and Adam couldn’t even imagine giving one of them to Ronan ironically.

Luckily he had an ace up his sleeve.

The first time that Ronan had stayed over at Adam’s after they were together in the very early days of their relationship, Adam had woken up to a frozen Ronan with a handful of strangely lovely flowers, the exact shade of blue as Adam’s eyes.

Adam had kept them in a cheap vase on the windowsill until they died, but unbeknownst to Ronan, he’d also taken one and pressed it to make a little print; his own private memento.

He was obviously keeping the original for himself, but he took it into the school library a couple of days before Valentine’s Day and scanned it, printing it out on some high quality photo card he’d ‘acquired’ from one of the Art rooms.

Once the ink was dry, he folded it down the middle as carefully as possible and put it inside his heaviest textbook to keep it folded and flat until he got it home.

He spent longer than probably necessary trying to decide what to write, but in the end, he went with:

Ronan,

I think maybe it was always you. I think it always will be. Happy Valentine’s Day (gross).

Love, Adam x

He didn’t have a nice envelope to put it in, so it had to go in a bigger manila one that Adam still had lying around. He slipped both the card and the CD inside, and wrote Ronan’s name in capitals on the outside.

He looked at his offering. It somehow didn’t seem enough.

Valentine’s Day was on Thursday, so on Wednesday— after school but before a shift at Boyd’s— Adam found himself in the kitchen of 300 Fox Way. He’d bought everything he needed to make chocolate brownies before he’d realised he didn’t have a tin in which to cook them in. He was also severely lacking in several other kitchen utensils, to be honest. One panicked phone-call to Blue later, and he had everything he needed and a helping hand.

Well, ‘helping’ was a strong word.

“Why brownies?” Blue asked from where she sat perched on the kitchen table.

“Because brownies are the best,” Adam said, frowning at the recipe he had printed out.

“Alright, can’t argue with that,” Blue said reasonably.

Adam was aware of her watching him while he slowly got out everything he needed and started weighing out ingredients. He felt unreasonably nervous about it, even though he knew that provided he followed the recipe, everything would be fine. Baking was a science, after all, and Adam was good at science.

But looking at it all now with Blue scrutinising his every move, he felt flustered and unmoored.

“I thought you were going to help,” he said pointedly.

“I am helping. I’m supervising,” Blue said.

Adam smiled at that. “I see. Are you the kind of supervisor who can grease this tin for me?”

“I suppose so,” Blue said loftily as she launched herself off the table.

Blue started chattering away after that which helped Adam calm down and focus on what he was doing, and it didn’t take long to make the mixture after that. Adam tilted the pan while Blue used a wooden spoon to scrape the mixture out and into the brownie tin.

After that, they just had to put it in the oven and wait.

Blue brewed up some of Maura’s least offensive tea as they sat and waited, and Adam finally asked what he’d been dying to all week.

“Do you know if Ronan has anything planned?”

Blue smiled and shook her head. “Honestly, Adam, I have absolutely no idea. He hasn’t said a word. I’ve barely seen him though, and never really without you there.” She shrugged. “If he’s got a plan he’s keeping it close to his chest.”

Adam nodded; he’d assumed as much. “I just want to know if I’m doing too much, or not doing enough? I dunno, it’s stupid. It’s only Valentine’s Day.”

“Yeah, but it’s your first Valentine’s Day together,” Blue said, not unkindly. “I get it.”

“What are you and Gansey doing?”

“I made him a card and found him a couple of ‘slovenly’ t-shirts at the thrift store. I’m gonna hazard a guess that he’s getting me flowers, and he told me to keep the evening free so he’s probably taking me somewhere. Wherever it is, it better not be expensive.”

Adam grinned. “Maybe it’s Nino’s.”

“God, don’t even joke, I’d murder him. Again.”

He started to laugh, and after a couple of seconds Blue joined in. When it died down, Blue put her hand on his arm.

“Don’t overthink it, Adam. Ronan will love whatever you give him, because you’re the one it’s coming from. It’s not about the gifts you get or the meal you have or how much money you spend. I think it’s more about the gesture. That’s what’ll mean the most to Ronan.”

Adam managed a small smile. “I hope you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right.” Blue opened a drawer and gasped, then pulled out a heart-shaped cookie cutter. “Oh my God, Adam, you have to.”

She held out the cookie-cutter towards him and he took it, sighing. “Really?”

“Yes! This way, they’ll all be exactly the same size and I get to eat all the cut-offs. Y’know, as my fee for helping.”

And that’s how Adam ended up with nine perfect little heart-shaped brownies.

Adam didn’t see Ronan that night, thanks to finishing late at Boyd’s and then having homework after.

When he woke up in the morning, he was hit by the realisation that he and Ronan hadn’t even arranged to see each other that day at all.

He half expected Ronan to show up at St Agnes unannounced with a bouquet of dream flowers and some donuts or something. But that didn’t happen, and Adam slowly packed his messenger bag for school, remembering to include the Tupperware of Valentine’s brownies and the envelope with its enclosed card and CD.

He wasn’t sure when he’d be able to give them to Ronan, but it was better to be prepared.

Adam walked down to his car, scanning the parking lot and the street to see if there was any sign of a shark-nosed BMW. But there was nothing, and there was nothing on the way to school, and Adam made it all the way through to lunch without seeing or hearing from Ronan.

Obviously, he had no phone, and Ronan hated his own phone. But Gansey had a phone, and Ronan could have got in touch that way if he had felt so inclined.

Adam didn’t know what he’d been expecting; that Ronan would show up at the Aglionby gates with a boombox over his head blasting out Lionel Richie songs? That he’d get back to his car after school and find out his favourite hooligan had broken in and left him a giant teddy bear and a box of chocolates?

It all seemed stupid now, and Valentine’s Day was stupid, and Adam was irritated that he’d let the pressures of the day get to him. It didn’t matter. It was a meaningless day.

So why did he feel so deflated?

At the end of the day, he caved and asked to borrow Gansey’s phone.

First, he sent a text that said: it’s adam, i’m about to call you so answer the phone

He gave it a minute until he’d seen that Ronan had read the message, and then pressed the call button.

“Parrish,” Ronan said in lieu of a hello.

All at once, like always, Adam was happy to hear Ronan’s voice. And yet he still couldn’t quite shake his irritation, even though the one who’d got his hopes up was himself.

“Hey,” he replied. “Listen, were you planning on coming over tonight?”

“Nope.” It was a little difficult to tell, but Adam thought Ronan’s tone was just a little off. “You come here.”

Adam sighed. “Ronan, I have school tomorrow so I wouldn’t even be able to stay that late. Can’t you just come here?”

There was a long pause. “Opal wants to see you.”

“So bring her with you.”

“Are you kidding, Parrish, she’s filthy. She’ll mess up the interior.”

The BMW wasn’t exactly spotless inside so this seemed a flimsy excuse. Adam started to wonder whether Ronan even wanted to see him at all.

“If you don’t want to see me today that’s fine,” he said, tone clipped.

“I didn’t say that,” Ronan said, tone just as clipped.

It felt like they were heading for a fight. Adam didn’t want to fight. He wanted to give Ronan the stupid sentimental CD he’d made. He wanted Ronan to make fun of him for the brownies. He wanted a hug.

Adam was abruptly exhausted, and it didn’t matter that he’d gone to the effort and Ronan hadn’t. He just wanted to see him.

“Okay,” he said. “I’m gonna go home and shower but then I’ll head over to you.”

“Okay, good. See you in a bit,” Ronan said, and hung up.

The sun was down by the time Adam pulled up at the Barns. The heating in Adam’s car was dodgy enough on a good today, and today wasn’t a good day. It had barely come on, so his hands were like ice as he got out of the car.

He walked straight in when he got there and made his way to the kitchen. He hovered in the doorway; Ronan’s back was to him, a tea towel strewn over one shoulder, straining pasta over the sink.

Adam rapped his knuckles against the door-frame and Ronan turned around.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” Adam replied. “You cooked?”

Ronan shrugged. “It’s just spaghetti.” He gestured to Adam’s messenger bag. “You brought homework with you?”

All that was in the bag was the Valentine’s gifts for Ronan, and he shook his head. “Nope.”

“Okay,” Ronan said with another shrug. “Sit. Let’s eat, I’m starving.”

Adam pulled himself a chair out, and it scraped against the floor noisily in the otherwise quiet. He waited for Ronan to finish serving up and then asked, “Where’s Opal?”

“No idea. Haven’t seen her since this afternoon.”

Adam took a bite of his food. It was good. “I thought you said she wanted to see me.”

“She always wants to see you,” Ronan said smoothly. “I’m sure she’ll turn up when she spots your car.”

They finished eating in near silence, Adam waiting for Ronan to say something— anything— to acknowledge the day. But he didn’t, and the longer the silence dragged, the harder it seemed to break it.

Adam started towards the sink to do the washing up afterwards, but Ronan stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“Just leave it, Parrish.”

“But—”

“Leave them. I’ll do them in the morning.”

Adam sighed, uncomfortable in the tension. He didn’t know what to do now. Did Ronan just want him to leave? And if so, why had he told him to come in the first place?

“Look, do you know what day it is?” Adam asked, unable to take it any longer.

“It’s Thursday,” Ronan said, chin jutted out, arms crossed. Adam glared; Ronan clearly knew exactly what day it was.

“Okay, great,” Adam said tiredly. He opened his bag and pulled out the Tupperware and the envelope. “Happy Valentine’s Day, I guess.”

He put them on the table and stepped away, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms. He watched Ronan’s face, the expression on which had softened immediately. He looked to Adam, stricken.

“Parrish, I—”

“It’s fine, Ronan, just open them.”

Ronan snapped his mouth shut, and pulled the envelope over to him. Adam immediately felt self-conscious about his meagre homemade gifts.

“It’s not much,” he said quickly.

Ronan’s only response to this was a slight furrow in his brow. Then he took the CD out, quirking a smile at Adam’s inscription: LYNCH’S CHEESY LOVE SONG SINGALONG. It was surrounded by lots of hand drawn love-hearts that Adam now thought seemed excessive.

Ronan looked up and raised an eyebrow at Adam, a half-smirk on his face. “No track-list, Parrish?”

“It’s a surprise,” Adam said, smiling weakly, but relieved. “You’ll have to play it to find out.”

“I’ll do that,” he said with a sage nod. He put the CD down and reached for the Tupperware, pulling the lid off and tossing it aside. He looked inside and snorted. “You’ve really stuck with a theme here, huh, Parrish?”

“Hey, Valentine’s Day is all about the hearts, apparently. And to be fair, the heart-shaped brownies are Blue’s fault. She found a cookie-cutter and insisted.”

“She knew about this?” Ronan said.

“Yeah, she helped me make them.”

“That little sneak...” Ronan trailed off and let out a sharp laugh. “I asked her if she knew whether or not you were doing something, and she swore blind she had no idea.”

Adam thought about asking why Ronan had even wanted to know, but instead he pointed at the envelope. “There’s a card in there, as well.”

“In here?” Ronan turned the envelope upside down and the card slipped out into his hand. Adam watched as he took in the flower on the front, smiled a little, then did a double-take, glancing at Adam. “Hold on. Is this what I think it is?”

Adam rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah. I, uh, I pressed one, before they all died. I wanted to keep it, I guess.”

“Yeah,” Ronan said, something akin to awe in his voice. “I dream about them all the time.” He opened the card and read what Adam had written there, then dropped his face into his hands.

“Parrish...” he mumbled. “I feel like a fucking asshole.”

Adam went over and gently pulled the card out of Ronan’s hand, sitting down on Ronan’s lap. Ronan’s arms circled his waist automatically and he tucked his face into Adam’s neck.

“You are a fucking asshole, Lynch. I love you anyway.”

Ronan grumbled something incoherently against Adam’s skin, and Adam smiled. “What was that?”

Ronan lifted his head so he could be heard. “I said I love you right back.”

“Good,” Adam said.

“I thought you’d forgotten. And I didn’t...I didn’t want a big deal, and this day is a fucking joke or whatever, but you didn’t mention anything. And I even thought you might borrow Gansey’s phone and like, text me or something this morning? But then you didn’t and when you finally called me you sounded annoyed and I didn’t know why, and I didn’t even think you wanted to come over. So then you finally got here and you seemed mad, and so I was mad and...I’m sorry. I was here thinking you didn’t give a shit and you made stuff for me?” He hung his head, penitent. “I love my gifts. These lame brownies smell great. I’m fucking sorry, Parrish.”

“Hey.” Adam cupped Ronan’s head in his hands. “It’s fine that you didn’t get me anything. Honestly I think I just let this whole day get into my head as having to mean something when it doesn’t. I don’t need a special day to let you know how I feel. And I’m sorry if I seemed mad. I just didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t mean to make it weird.”

He leaned in and kissed Ronan briefly. “And Lynch, you cooked for me. You made me a whole meal. I’m pretty sure we’re even.” He kissed him again, until Ronan pulled back and covered Adam’s hands with his own.

“Um...you should come with me,” Ronan said, and he almost sounded sheepish.

They stood up and Ronan swiped the mix CD off the table and shoved it in the pocket of his hoodie, before taking Adam’s hand and leading him out the back door.

Confused but intrigued, Adam followed closely behind, clutching tight to Ronan’s fingers. It was cold outside and neither of them had their coats on, which Adam was about to point out when they walked around the corner of the nearest barn and he was rendered speechless by the sight before him.

In the middle of the grass was a small gazebo tent, the base of which was covered in luxurious looking blankets. There was a laptop in the middle of the floor, hooked up to a projector which was pointing at the outer-wall of the barn. A precarious tower of DVDs was piled up next to the laptop; Adam couldn’t see the titles from here but imagined Ronan had assembled a variety of choices. There was a big thermos, contents unknown (coffee? Hot chocolate?), and various other treats; big bags of marshmallows and Hershey’s Kisses and Reese’s Mini Peanut-Butter Cups.

And everywhere, there was light. Ronan’s twinkling little dream lights, some in jars under the gazebo, others hanging in the air, changing colour, like little fireflies.

“Ronan,” Adam finally managed hoarsely. “What the fuck?”

Ronan smirked. “You thought I hadn’t done anything.”

“Uh, yeah, because you let me think that!” Adam said. He was struggling to process how cosy and romantic it all looked. Let it never be said that Ronan Lynch wasn’t an absolute sap.

“I didn’t let you think anything, you jumped to that conclusion all on your own.”

Adam scowled. “Now I feel like a fucking asshole.”

“Don’t,” Ronan said, pressing a kiss to Adam’s temple. “Anyway, this is nothing.”

“It is so far from nothing,” Adam said. He stepped forward and took a turn around, taking everything in as he walked in a slow circle, stopping when he was facing Ronan again. “I thought Valentine’s Day was capitalistic bullshit?”

“Oh, it is,” Ronan said happily. “But for one, I didn’t spend a penny. And two, a whole day where I can spoil you as much as I want to and you don’t get to complain about it? Sign me the fuck up for that.”

Adam burst out laughing. “You’ve just reminded me of something Henry said.”

“What did he say?”

“I told him that I wasn’t sure whether or not you’d do anything because we hadn’t talked about it, and he said, and I quote: ‘do you really think he’s going to let a day when he’s practically green-lit to be as obnoxious as possible about you just pass him by?’”

Ronan was grinning now. “Cheng’s pretty smart.”

“Yeah,” Adam said. He caught one of the floating lights in his hand and then let it go again. “Just for the record, I think your dreaming abilities give you an unfair advantage when it comes to stuff like this.”

“Excuse you, Parrish, the only thing I dreamt up was the blankets because they’re heated. Oh, and the projector. And the gazebo. But that’s it.”

“‘That’s it’, he says.” Adam rolled his eyes, then accusingly added, “You dreamt up the lights.”

“Well, yeah, but not for this. I already had those. And the food was stuff I already had in the house, and the DVDs are ones I already own. I didn’t want to go overboard.”

Adam stared. “You are ridiculous,” he said, shaking his head. “Come here.”

Ronan went, without question or hesitation, and Adam wrapped his arms around his neck.

“This is the sweetest thing anybody’s ever done for me,” he said softly. “Thank you.”

“Thank you,” Ronan whispered, kissing a line up Adam’s neck and across his face, the tip of his nose, his forehead, “for the brownies, for what you wrote in the card...Jesus, Adam. It’s the same for me. You know that, right? It’s always you.”

Adam squeezed tighter, feeling dangerously overcome. He breathed in the familiar, comforting smell of Ronan, and then released his grip. “And for the CD, obviously,” he said.

“Of course,” Ronan said, and smiled sharply. “Speaking of...” He pulled it out of his pocket and walked over to his laptop. “I’ll let you pick a movie in a bit, but first, I wanna listen to my present.”

He popped the CD into the drive and pressed a couple of buttons on the mouse, and a moment later the opening track started to play: I Wanna Dance With Somebody by Whitney Houston.

Ronan laughed, once, soundlessly, then came back over to Adam and held his hand out.

“Well?” he said when Adam didn’t move. “Are you dancing?”

Adam grinned. “Are you asking?”

“I’m asking.”

“Then I’m dancing.” He took Ronan’s hand and together they swayed, far too slowly for a song this upbeat, but Ronan didn’t seem to mind, and Adam certainly didn’t.

They didn’t speak while they were dancing, both perhaps a little shaken at the near-miss of an argument, both relieved they hadn’t let it get that far. Both content to be in each other’s company, away from prying eyes and expectations.

It was still early days. They were still learning how to do this, navigating firsts and futures and each other, but they were both quick studies, and Adam couldn’t think of anything more worthwhile than building a foundation— and a life— with Ronan.

There were trickier days to come, but for now, they’d survived their first Valentine’s Day as a couple. As they lay curled together in a blanket watching The Princess Bride projected onto the side of a barn, Adam thought he’d have to mark this one down as a win.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Parrish,” Ronan whispered into Adam’s hair.

“Ugh,” Adam said, and kissed him. “Happy Thursday.”

#the raven cycle #pynch #tumblr prompts #lesbianparrish #adamparrishes #trc

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aplaceforthesoul · 5 years

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Anonymous submitted:

On eating disorders

Not really looking for advice. I just wanted to share something. I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa back in 2012. I was in a very toxic relationship with a guy would always tell me that I looked disgusting. This got to the point where my weight was bellow ** lbs (im 5 ft 2) and he would still call me fat whilst comparing me to his “perfect girl”.

I started recovery on 2015. I recently found some pictures of 2013. It was so shocking because I did not recall looking like that. In my mind the diagnosis was wrong, probably sb eleses? But not me. In my mind I was totally fine, just a little bit fat. I started failling my clases, performing poorly at sports and I never associated it with my ed. I was just “dumb and not good” .

I was ok I was not malnourished or lacking energy. But this pictures don’t agree. every rib is visible, you can see all the veins inside me, no muscle. Anorexia messes up your mind. I started looking for help when it was almost too late. It was difficult. I used to wonder ..why do I have to eat if im fat? Why am i not allowed to excercise? I need to stay in shape because Im fat. I started eating 500 cal a day and received tube feeding. Physiologically it was challenging, anything bigger than an apple would make me puke. I had to leave college for three years. I competed in sports and I lost that for 6 years. I had to pay for everything. No one was arround to support me. This guy I mentioned before was always telling me that I didn’t need that. That I was fat. That I should just die.

I came to this blog before looking for help and you guys motivated me to go for it. I am back at college and I live a healthy life with good friends now because I chose recovery. I imagined it would last a year or a couple of months. But no it took me almost 4 years.

to everyone who is struggling with an eating disorder. Seek help. You can do it. It will be difficult but it will be worth all the effort. I would be dead now if I hadn’t chosen recovery. Anorexia and every other eating disorder is REAL and it will mess you up.

real talk? messages and posts like this are why I started this blog, honestly! I’m so proud of you for wanting help, accepting help, fighting for yourself (▰˘◡˘▰) you deserve that! I’m also so glad that we were able to help and support you, that’s what this blog is for :)

eating disorders will fuck you up, they sadly have one of the highest mortality rates in mental health illnesses. I hope that this might help motivate someone who reads it -- if it does, know that you’re loved and cared for (even if it’s hard to see sometimes) and that you deserve help.

thank you for writing this friend, I’m incredibly proud of where you are today! keep on fighting for yourself every day, stay safe <33

- tash

#advice #submission #eating disorder #ed #ed tw #tw #recovery #eating disorder tw

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migleefulmoments · 6 years

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Did I make her mad?

I seem to have ruffled Ajw’s feather. I left her a message- always anon or she won’t read them. I know this because used my username for years and they are ignored. So here we are with a LONG response to her answer.

It started here: The CCers tried to change the history of Darren and Mia *you can read their entire exchange here*

But here is the part I was responding to:

ajw720

Agreed light bearding started April 2011, heavy bearding when they moved her to LA in Fall 2012. In between I do think they considered other, more famous options but went with her as she is the only person that they could “prove” pre-C. And the CC relationship was their major obstacle and the thing they knew they had to hide to make D straight.

This being said, the article is WRONG if they are following the PR narrative that says they started to date in June 2010 and that is what the “7 ½ crazy and adventurous years came from.” A narrative that was spun in 2015.

M herself would love to claim college as she is desperate to say Not Alone is about her.

So yes, it is likely they “met�� in college, but I doubt it was more than a night out at a bar at most.

So I asked her:

Come on, you know there are several public pics of M and D together before his "Blaine' audition hair cut. IDK if you have been in a serious relationship but how it works is you start out seeing each there occasionally and then as you get closer and fall more in love you start doing more and more together until you get married. Being in a long distance relationship means that can all take a little longer. Going out more publicly AFTER she moved & over time is how that works.

My responses to her comments are in Italics:

Dearest Michigan,

I really do make an effort to ignore you and your nonsense, but I just could not resist. I know on your blog you have questioned my credentials, well I must say, I question yours and I highly recommend you enroll in a grammar school level reading comprehension program. I have two master’s degrees and undergrad from Michigan, but thanks for the advice. First, who is disagreeing that they knew each other pre-g/lee? That is a fact, a fact i state often and frequently and no one that I have encountered here who has any knowledge refutes this fact. Yet you keep repeating this like we are unaware, both in this ask, and in your absolutely comical analysis of the handshake completely based on the the false premise that we think this is when M&D met. Please stop putting words in our mouths and READ critically.

Well let me leave just a couple of receipts as to why I keep saying that:

This exchange on 11/20 regarding the Trevor Live 2012 video that they have claimed over and over shows Michael introducing Mia and Darren and Darren shakes her hand. I proved that is not what happened here .

1. flowersintheattic254

I’ve never seen this video before and wondered if anyone else new here had? Apologies for putting her on your dash, but it’s useful to have a gentle reminder that this is and always was a business arrangement. Watch them shake hands under the watchful eye PR at Trevor 2012 and D proceed to ignore her. #because most people shake hands with their SO right 9/

2. Anonymous asked:

So glad theTrevor clip exists. That’s my go to when people ask for proof. They had been “together” for 2 yrs. Question on the timing. Does this coincide with the “confirmation” date when D was so upset in Canada?

ajw: Hi anon, this was December, confirmation day in Toronto was the following June. But no question, they had moved her to LA and the choice to make her full-time beard and to completely oppress CC had been made. This was right after the BU episode of G/lee, a plot conceived to keep D&C apart. Not a pleasant time in their lives and when everything really changed.

3. ajw: article is WRONG if they are following the PR narrative that says they started to date in June 2010 and that is what the “7 ½ crazy and adventurous years came from.” A narrative that was spun in 2015.

4. Hi anon. That is likely the correct answer. Her friend dated Jo/e W when they were in college and I believe she maybe visited U of M one weekend.

That being said, to be clear, if they met then, and it is not 100% substantiated, they went to different schools, located in different parts of the country and she graduated before them. They didn’t start dating in college and I would guess they did not keep in touch. The real connection was later when Ch/uck and C/harlene were friendly with her in NYC after they all graduated. And that is how she was chosen to be the beard, the worst decision D ever made.

Second, I am not disputing that from 2010-2011 it was sort of low key, though by April 2011 she was already being speculated about in JJ with pap pics, so maybe we can say it quickly went from low to mid-key.

Yes, this is how relationships work. You meet, you may not start dating right away. Eventually you start talking...maybe a date or two- they were long distance so likely much more talking. Fly to see one another...a few dates... more talking... more flying until she moved to LA. Nothing inconsistent about the story. They started out long distance so there is no doubt the “start date” is debatable to them.

However, she was moved to LA in the fall of 2012 and from that moment forward there was nothing low or mid key about this. That was SIX, count them (unless you need basic math classes as well) SIX years ago. Therefore, a publication CANNOT state that they have been low key dating since 2010. That is a boldface lie. They could say perhaps “they started out under the radar and have since decided to share” but NOT that it has been low key since 2010.

No, no it isn’t a bold face lie. It is literally how REAL LIFE relationships work..you know the unscripted ones. It’s their relationship and THEY get to say when they actually started dating. You could probably win an argument that the fandom didn't KNOW they were dating until 2012, ya know, if you REALLY just need to win.

Since 2012 she has accompanied him to approximately 75% of all of his events, her picture is taken constantly, her image is videoed, her SM is full of him, and recently his SM contains her face. Their “friends” and family talk about them on their public SM constantly, She has been interviewed about him (remember when she claimed she never wanted to be associated with someone famous), and she is mentioned in D’s press constantly and has been for YEARS.

I will say this slowly. They. Are. Engaged. It is normal for her to be with him at events. As many events as they want to attend together. People like love; people like beautiful couples. Photographers and fans are going to take pictures of a beautiful couple in love. Interviewers are going to talk about the engagement and the wedding. It’s we do in America. The problem is you don’t like it. But I’m 100% sure that Darren didn’t ask you for permission. He doesn’t care what you think..

Her friends and family post about them constantly? Everyone’s family talks about family constantly. I’m sure YOUR family talk about you. It’s literally what social media is for- bragging about your kids and perfect life, posting naked belly shots in the gym, and connecting with family and friends. I know you talk about your family on Tumblr and you post your cats and your wine on Tumblr. How does Mia or Darren or their family have less right than you do? I don’t follow the logic and as you say you're a lawyer, I really don’t follow you. Everyone gets to pick what they want to post on their own social media...that is the rule.

As for that article...Mia claimed she never wanted-PAST TENSE- to be with someone famous; it wasn’t something she imagined for herself. That isn’t the same as saying she doesn’t currently want to be with Darren who become famous after they fell in love. I will avoid ridiculing you about your lack of basic English grammar skills.

Yes, she is mentioned in Darren’s press...so what? They are a couple. This is isn’t hard.

So I am unclear why you are asking me about how a relationship works? I certainly understand how it works.

Relationships dear michigan are based on love, friendship, and respect, Three fundamental things missing from the mi/arren relationshit.

Couples KNOW when they met and how long ago it was. But not mi/arren. Was it college? Don Hi/ll’s? In NYC pre-g/lee? They don’t know, but they will be sure to twist the answer each and every time asked. (D actually looked shocked when she said college). But you know what D knows in precise detail? His mandate, when he went to see S/utton F/oster, a story he has recounted approximately 5 times, with g/olden g/lobe winning, NY T/imes best selling author C/hris C/olfer (his constant tribute not mine).

I already outlined how long distance relationships work and there is a vague, nebulous start date. But I also suspect that Darren, who does value his privacy, doesn’t really care to share those kind of details with us. So he gives vague, unimportant responses to that question. There is also the fact that journalists and bloggers do research and don’t always ask every question they cover in an interview. Sometimes they use their research to fill in facts- this can lead to perpetuating something that isn’t 100% accurate but Darren doesn’t care to call them out or correct it because it isn't our business.

As for your mandate. Haven’t you figured out that it is the only Chris Glee story Darren is allowed to share without upsetting Chris? He keeps repeating it because it’s out there already. “Chris hates when you talk about him” so he keeps repeating the same story to feed the Glee nostalgia without getting him upset. Again, this isn’t hard.

Couples know how long they have been dating. Not m/iarren and you would THINK after the encage announcement they would stick to the very public timeline created, yet they don’t. She actually wants you to think they started dating in college, years before 2010.

Nobody cares when they started dating. I couldn't tell you when my husband and I started dating- there are times I can’t remember how many years we have been married or what year we got married- It isn’t important to all people. It means NOTHING in the big scope of the day-to-day struggles of being married and raising kids, and struggling with chronic disabling illnesses that we deal with in our kids. Love isn’t a Disney Prince meets Princess sweeps her offer feet and they live Happily Ever After cuz now she’s a Princess. It isn’t Instagram perfection of big dates, huge romantic gestures and huge diamonds. It’s living with someone and negotiating who does what chores; who cooks and who cleans up dinner; who is taking the kid to PT or the doctor appt that is 3 hours away this week; it’s washing his dirty underwear and getting a puke bucket when the flu hits. It’s missing him because he is gone half the month flying FedEx packages to Dubai, India and China while I am single parenting a lot. In most people’s lives, the date they started dating isn’t that important after you get through a few. Those moments become less important.

When one proposes to their partner after “7 ½ crazy and adventurous years” I would hope they would know the person well enough to buy them a ring that they would love and cherish. And in turn I would hope the recipient loved the ring, even if not their dream, because it is a symbol of love and devotion. Not mi/arren, D apparently got in wrong FOUR times as she is now wearing ring number FIVE, an indisputable fact. And no, multimillionaire D did not buy FOUR place holders.

You have very childlike ideas of what relationships and engagements are like. I haven’t worn a wedding ring in years, nobody cares. Mia wore one engagement ring from January to January- she added other rings to the stack at times which seems to have confused you that it was different rings. I saw your picture proof and those are all the same diamond ring. She just got a beautiful ring on GG night. My GUESS would be that they designed the new ring together. Couples do that. Some couples get engaged long before there is a ring. None of this is “abnormal”...there is no “normal”. But even if she did have 5 rings...who cares? It means NOTHING to us. They get to do what they want and THAT is an indisputable fact.

Generally partners don’t run in front of the other constantly when they think they aren’t being filmed. D runs ahead of her constantly as documented many, many times. And notice how he ALWAYS tries to correct it when he sees the camera. They also aren’t afraid to touch their partner (D constantly avoids it, remember Op/eration S/mile when he was caught on film hiding his hand behind his bag to avoid touching her?).

You pick and choose pictures and videos to prove this trope. You and I both know there are many pictures of them waking together. Again, I ask if you have ever been in a long term relationship because after 8 years, nobody is worried about who is walking in front of who. On the red carpet, it is pretty common for the celeb to walk in front of the spouse because everyone wants to see the celeb and not the spouse. Darren is at work on the red carpet. But if you want to hang your hat on THIS being the BIG proof you have that it is all a lie then go for it. If you want to ignore all of the times Darren has said “I love her” and instead fixate on a photo of him standing in front of her....you are only deluding yourself.

A partner would NEVER try to steal the spotlight from the SO yet M pulls focus constantly despite the fact that it is D who put in the time and effort to receive the accolades he is currently getting.

I honestly can’t with this one. She only “steals the limelight” with you guys. Darren’s real fans just enjoy pics of them together as the gift that they are as we enjoy everything Darren does. You guys, on the other hand, stalk the internet looking for pictures of her just so you can rage over them; you guys talk about how she steals the spotlight. Nobody, NOBODY could steal the limelight from Darren Criss.

A partner would respect that their partner has repeatedly stated that he craves privacy. Neither M nor any of their “friends” give two shits about his wishes as he is all over the internet as posted by this group.

This cracks me up because it assumes that Darren has no idea his pictures are being posted...the ones he posed for and the ones that he watched them post seconds later. Nobody is posting photos that Darren doesn’t want posted. Mia shut down her public social except for very rare red carpet or special events. When you rage about untrue things you sound exactly like Trump “ there is an EMERGENCY AT THE BORDER...drugs...rapists...coyotes.. DEMS WANT OPEN BORDERS”. “DARREN BEGS FOR PRIVACY AND NOBODY RESPECTS THAT”. Both of those statements are complete bullshit.

A caring fiancee would concede an award show to allow for him to take his mom (d’s express wishes as he voiced on ET. And no if this is corrected it does not count as he called her out in a very public way).

OMG with this one. An anon pointed out that the one person who DID take his mom to awards shows after age 30 was Kevin Spacey. Darren took who Darren wanted to take to his first GG as a nominee. Most adults have closer relationships with their lover than their mommy. His mom came to the parties. I don’t see her upset...she looked pretty damn happy hanging with her hubby.

Mature, wealthy adults in their 30s don’t have another wealthy adult living with them for, and i quote from D himself “many, many years.” And no B/en didn’t crash on the couch as you have deluded yourself to believe, he fully lived (or lives) there.

Mature, wealthy adults in their 30′s get to decide who lives in their home with them. If you actually do follow Ben on his social, then you know he is rarely in LA for more than a few days. I never said he is sleeps on the couch because I assume he had his own bedroom.

If I got to meet a music idol and he wanted to move in with me and we could sit around and immerse ourselves in music, I would be thrilled. In college my roommate, her boyfriend, and I sleep in the same bedroom. They were a couple, I was just a roommate. It’s even more disingenuous that you keep screaming what is and isn’t normal while you claim to be the biggest gay ally in the world. Gay families form in all sorts of combinations and configurations. You need to educate yourself before you proclaim you guys are the biggest bestest Queer Allies around and stop betting hung up on heteronormative 1940′s norms. .

A loving partner would not constantly mock and ridicule the other publicly, something she has done often (remember that time she called him douchebag on twitter?). Nor would s/he mock and ridicule his fans and treat them like the lowest form of vermin. particularly if not kissing said person’s ass.

First of all, I believe she was joking though I haven’t seen that tweet in ages. It is super old. Second, people fight. People say horrible things to their lovers. It’s NORMAL.

You have tried to make the “Mia is mean to Darren’s fans” trope into something with as much effort as “THERE IS AN EMERGENCY AT THE BORDER”. Neither one is sticking.

A partner that respects their SO doesn’t force them to perform in a bar nearly every single one of his/her days off, when it was evident the man was on the brink of collapsing from exhaustion, as M did for the duration of the summer.

When you say this I always wonder if you EVER ACTUALLY LISTEN to Darren talk...like USING his words, out of his mouth. Because Darren Criss LOVES making music with people. He played outside restaurants at Michigan, he played inside Sava (MI) and Maggianos (CA), he does concerts and he lives for a small venue event. Marie’s Crisis and other piano bars rock his world so he opened one of his own close to home. Darren LOVES TO CONNECT TO OTHER HUMAN BEINGS THROUGH MUSIC. This is something he has said many times, in many interviews. It is sad that you cannot see that-you cannot hear him- and you continue to disparage his joy. When you finally realize that you are wrong about all of this, the one thing that I hope makes you feel the worst is that you have degraded, disparaged, and denigrated two things he loves- Mia and TSG.

I could go on and on and on about the issues with this horror show, but i will spare my readers. But I will repeat something i have said often, the ONLY thing to me that would be sadder than reality, would be if this is real. Because they are the OPPOSITE of relationship goals and incredibly toxic as painfully evident in what they have allowed us to see.

I can go on and on as well. It is real and it doesn’t involve you. Your petty, ill-informed, silly conspiracy theorist investigations have created a reality that lives on in your heads. Darren is clearly happy and everyone around him loves him AND Mia. You spend a lot of time and energy wiping away ALL of Darren’s truths in order to keep your fantasy alive. The only toxic relationship Darren has is with the CC fandom. I don’t know his personal life but what I see from my position in MI is a man and woman who are living their best life and a fandom that is trying so hard to hang on to a fantasy that has FAR outlived its useful life. Chris and Darren have no public relationship and if I had to guess after reading STFF, I would say no relationship at all. Chris has asked you to stop shipping them more than once. Instead of listening you continue to fabricate fictitious stories to explain away every single word out Darren’s mouth and many out of Chris’s. You aren’t “finding the truth” you are CREATING YOUR TRUTH to keep a fantasy alive. Reading Instagram ‘likes’ and looking at song lyrics WHILE IGNORING THE VERY WORDS OUT OF DARREN’S OWN MOUTH is really messed up and very disrespectful. If you really believe that Darren’s public life is a lie than walk away. You have the right to your opinion but you don’t have the right to bully Darren or his family and friends on behalf of that opinion. You don’t have the right to an opinion on the value of his love for Mia. If you don’t like it then you have the right to walk away...not to spread your hate on social media until it gets back to Darren & Mia, and their family and friends. The CC Bullshit that comes directly from YOUR MOUTH was left on Chuck’s baby post for fuck’s sake. That is ALL ON YOU. You claim you don’t post on their social but you have never told your followers to stop and they use your exact words. Chuck and that newborn baby deserved a hell of a lot better than the hate that a CC Family member left. You OWN that.

Now i beg, please, please, please go back to your own blog where i can blissfully ignore you and leave me alone unless you an actually come back and produce a valid argument.

Nope...as long as you lie, as long as you made ignorant, unsubstantiated and easily disprovable statements, I will be here. Think of me as the New York Times...always giving the folks the well-researched truth. I learned to do research at Michigan. I might not be able to sniff out obscure facts like marriage licenses or who Mia’s mom works for (well mostly because I don’t care) but I can do a damn good job of disproving your tropes because they rely so heavily on misconstrued truths (see my take down of the Fox Studio 7 year contract fact) , outright lies, shortened videos, and photos taken out of context. Also BTW some fact checks: it was CrissColfers who moved into Chris’s neighborhood to terrorize him, NOT Miarrens, in their mission to find proof that Darren was really going to Chris’s home and your anon who mentioned Dot Marie Jone’s wife standing up for Darren and Mia...she is friends with Chris and she was defending Chris and Will NOT Darren and Mia.

Love,

#CrissColfer #@Ajw720 #response #CC fandom #cc fan #cc blog #cc family #ccer #ccers #cc #Darren Criss #Mia Swier #Facts Matter

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hxlding-on-blog · 6 years

Note

i know i should probably go ask someone else for this advice but i want to write a trans character and im not trans so how do i do that? what are the dos and donts? i wanted to ask a trans person before going to anyone else and hope im not a bother!

Random Asks || ANONYMOUS

Well! Not to worry, dear anon! Your local baby trans brother is here to help as best as he can! Now, I want to begin with a …

[ s h o r t d i s c l a i m e r ] : there is no single way to write a trans character. This is because, just like cis characters, they’re all different. There’s so many ways to tell any character’s story, trans or cis or whatever else. I am also not an expert. Even if I am trans, I’ve ( probably ) only lived this one life and path. Therefore, I can’t speak for many other trans experiences. Still! I can offer advice and subtle criticisms from my own viewpoint!

Without further ado, here’s my take on writing trans characters:

>Disclaimer, But Longer

This is not the world’s best guide! I am not the world’s most trans person ( and that doesn’t even exist ); I am simply one single trans boy speaking from the perspective of such. I have done as much research as I had done before pertaining to this subject, have interacted with other trans people with differing experiences, but can’t speak on their behalf. With that in mind, I am still a somewhat valid source for criticism. If you ask me for my opinion on trans-based writing, I will gladly offer it but do remember that I am still young! I’m a baby boy, what can I say?

This guide also doesn’t include everything. There’s so much to say on being trans, in writing or in general, and writing the experience will always be a bit difficult if you haven’t lived it. Though, you should do research. Reading my guide will not be enough and I urge for you to reach out to other trans people; writers, or otherwise. Read other guides, do other research ( such as the effects of certain hormones ), and listen to criticism if you receive it. I highly suggest you ask a trans person if you’re unsure about something.

I am also a trans boy who’s very offset by the idea of generally being seen as female. My research on trans women is little / few and, though I’ve looked into it, my knowledge is not as extensive as my research on trans men! Please do your own looking up whenever you can; it’s important that you don’t only get your information from a fifteen year old trans boy about writing a thirty-something trans woman!!!

[ TL; DR, I should not be your only source and you should do your own research whilst listening to trans people if you get something wrong ]

>Common Terms

[ Deadname ] = A trans person’s unused given name. It’s called a dead name for a reason; they don’t use it. Some people have differing reactions to it- such as avoiding it, ignoring it, or responding to it on certain occasions- but is generally not used in many / most cases.

[ Transgender ] = An adjective used to describe someone who doesn’t align with their assigned gender. This includes nonbinary people. It can’t be used as a noun ( for example, ‘transgenders’ ) and is shortened to trans in most cases.

[ AGAB ] = Acronym for ‘Assigned Gender At Birth’ where Gender is replaced with Male or Female. For example, AFAB or AMAB.

[ Legal Name ] = The name that is on their legal documents. It may be their deadname, or it may be their current name; whichever one it is, it’s the one they’d have on certain documents ( school registrations, job applications, etc ) and can be changed.

[ Testosterone ] = Hormones that will change a feminine body into something more masculine, including hair growth, fat redistribution, and other bodily functions. It can be administered through a syringe, a gel / patches, or pills. Often shorted to T and used in terms such as T shot.

[ Estrogen ] = Hormones that will change a masculine body into something more feminine, including hair growth, fat redistribution, and other bodily functions. Often shortened to E.

[ Hormone Blockers ] = A medication used to block / stop / pause the effects of hormones in the body. This is typically used amongst younger trans people that are too young to take T or E.

[ Pre-Op ] = Refers to people who plan on getting operations done to change their sex; if someone were to want top surgery but haven’t had it yet, they’d be considered pre-op. Some trans people aren’t pre-op if they’d decided they don’t want to undergo a surgery.

[ Post-Op ] = Refers to people who have had their operations done. For example, metoidioplasty.

[ Gender Dysphoria ] = A term to describe general uncomfort in relation to someone’s gender and their body. Found typically prominent when it comes to hormones.

[ Gender Euphoria ] = A term to describe general joy in relation to someone’s gender and their body. Found typically prominent in use of certain pronouns or names.

[ HRT ] = Acronym for Hormone Reversal Treatment, which includes administering Testosterone or Estrogen into the body.

>Figuring Out They’re Trans

Every trans person figures out they’re trans differently; how long it takes them, when they do, and how they do will always be different. For me, I figured it out in my teens after doing my own research on the things I felt- I went to Google ( Or, well, Bing since I was in China at the time ) and looked up why I felt the way I did in my own body, resonated with terms I found, and did a lot of self reflection- and coming to the conclusion that I was trans. At the time, I labelled myself as nonbinary; some binary trans people have done this but not every. I didn’t feel like I fully identified with that, and yet felt detachment from my womanhood, which later lead me to finding out I was a trans boy all along. It fit me. That’s my path but, for your muse, maybe they figured it out differently.

Maybe they felt out of place in their own body since they were young, or maybe they simply didn’t fit with their given gender at birth. Or they could’ve not known all the way into adulthood, clicking with a term when it passes them by. Not every trans experience is the same! Whilst writing trans characters knowing since they were born is valid, it’s also valid to write them knowing ages later. I put off identifying as a man before, only because I feared that my boyfriend wouldn’t love me anymore. And now? Now I’m glad I came out! Writing characters doing something similar wouldn’t be a stretch!

How and when your character finds out will always be valid; they can find out while playing in a sandbox in their playground, or notice they didn’t feel attached to their gender assigned at birth. They can go to a therapist and be told their emotions lined up with being trans, or they could be reading a book and thinking I feel like that’s me to which they draw their conclusion. The possibilities are endless! I guarantee that there’s somebody out there that’s able to relate to it because there’s so many ways to figure it out; it can take a few minutes, or days, or weeks, or months, or years of thinking it over before IDing as trans- that’s the nature of it.

>The ‘First Steps’ In Transitioning and Coming Out

Some come out when they’re younger, some come out in their teens, some come out in adulthood, and some don’t come out at all. Coming out as trans is similar to coming out as gay, bi, etc. However, there’s the added thing with pronouns, names, and medical transitions ( if your character ever decides they want to ). It’s different in that sense, but not everything will be different. In most- if not all- cases, your character will have a pronoun change. They may go from he/him to they/them or be okay with he/him but prefer they/them without exclusion. Some may use multiple pronouns, or be exclusive to one set, or something of the sorts.

When changing their name, some people may choose one similar to their given one, or make a new one entirely, or look through a baby name book. They may switch from one name to another, or have multiple, or decide not to change at all for a variety of reasons; their given name can stick to being their name if they want it to! For me, I’ve always loved the pronunciation of ‘Chris’ but never felt right with the spelling, to which I fixed by spelling it as ‘Kriss’ instead. My deadname holds a lot of emotional and frankly traumatic weight to it, so I feel very uncomfortable when people say it or I see it anywhere. My body physically cringes at it and it doesn’t help that there’s someone in my class who shares it, so I never respond to it in class unless I know for sure whoever is using my deadname has no prior knowledge about my current one.

Transitioning is a choice; some decide to make it, whilst others don’t. It doesn’t invalidate them at all and the journey should never be the only distinct aspect to a character’s story. Them transitioning can be a main plot point but should never be the only thing that makes this character’s whole, well, character! Outside of it, they are still a character after all. Some decide to socially transition ( change their name, their clothing style, the way they interact with people in comparison to how they were prior to coming out ) whilst others decide to medically transition ( get top surgery, go on hrt ). It will always be different for certain people.

Reactions to coming out will vary, with differing factors of course; how did they come out, who to, when, etc. Some will react with open arms and others will outright abuse. It will be different from character to character, on the giving and receiving end, so think carefully about how to write this. I haven’t come out to my parents, given that they’re very transphobic and my entire country offers very hefty punishment for being LGBT+ in general. My classmates and friends? They know; I came out, in varying ways at varying times, and have received a plethora of reactions ranging from acceptance to denial.

>Medically Transitioning

Not all trans people decide to undergo medical transition, for many reasons. They may be ill and aren’t physically strong to take hormones or have surgery, maybe they have monetary issues, or they simply don’t want to. All of these reasons are valid and don’t make the trans person any less trans at all.

This typically includes surgery and hormones, though there’s so much to say on that. Whilst some would choose both, others may choose one over the other; the most common is taking hormones and also getting one surgery. An example is me; I want to take Testosterone in the future as well as both top and bottom surgery. I have decided on which kind I want and will discuss with my future doctor about this. Other people may choose not to have top surgery, or bottom, or even hormones. Whatever your character chooses, it will not be the forefront of their personality.

Hormones can take a while to kick into effect; do your research about it. Recovery from certain procedures vary and you should do your research.

>Do’s And Don’ts

Make your trans character unique! Not everyone has the same lucky ‘I knew since birth, have been accepted everywhere, transitioned into something I wanted’ story, but not everyone has the same distraught ‘I knew ‘too late’, I’ve been bullied and disowned, and my transition failed / didn’t turn out the way I wanted’ ( and there’s no such thing as too late anyways ). Whilst they’re not impossible, they’re not the only paths; try a mix! Some people accept, some people don’t, and some people transition whilst others don’t; there’s never a straight and narrow path.

Do talk to other trans people about your character, and ask questions whenever you feel that you have a question. If the person is willing to answer, great! If not, be polite and go somewhere else for answers. Use multiple sources, do your research, and don’t ever assume. Do use your character’s name and refer to them using the pronouns they refer to themselves as; an exception is given when it comes to legal documents and transphobic characters speaking to them but you should never refer to a trans person who exclusively uses he/him with she/her. Don’t use their deadname when referring to them in their story, especially when you can use their actual name.

Never. EVER EVER EVER use their coming out as a ‘he was a she all along!’ trope. One of the worst things to do to a trans person is to misgender them; it’s disrespectful. Being called by their preferred name and pronouns is not a privilege and is a right; again, there’s an exception when certain characters are doing it, but the author shouldn’t use it as a chance to misgender their character. I won’t go into this much more because it’s hard for me to explain but, in general, a trans man is not the same as a cis woman and vice versa.

AGAIN, PLEASE REMEMBER THAT I AM NOT THE BEST SOURCE! PLEASE GO AND DO OTHER RESEARCH ON TOP OF THIS!! Thanks for reading!!!!

#Anonymous #Hello? || MESSAGES #[[houkjfhakgjah heres All My Knowledge #[[i could honestly go deeper into this #[[but!! i didnt because im not an expert on writing tips!!#[[but if you have more questions im glad to answer #[[please please please do more research than just reading this #[[read this yes!!#[[but also do more research!!!!!#Out Of Crimes || OOC #Listen Up! || PSA #It's Like A Family Sized Bag Of Chips || OK TO REBLOG

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local-friendlycryptid · 3 years

Note

*There’s a note, the edges of it are slightly damp and the ink seems to bleed on some parts of the page but it’s still readable*

Dear Cryptid,

Just a concerned tntblr citizen here! Are you sure that giving Burbarians presidency was really the best idea? I mean he’s really basically done nothing other than exile two people which was at the very start of his presidency, I thought Tntblr was meant to be improve with someone running it. Honestly, with everyone leaving it really only seems like it’s gotten worse.. Anyway speaking of the two people that were exiled, wasn’t one of them Burb’s literal brother? God imagine exiling your own family member, I think that says a lot about a person. Do you think that you’re safe from him? From being exiled or prisoned? If he can do it to his brother I mean surely exiling a partner if it came down to it wouldn’t be off the table. Here’s a friendly bit of advice, Burbarians is untrustworthy. I put my vote in for you Cryptid, not Burb. I think maybe you should start taking some initiative as the Vice President since clearly Burb isn’t. Oh I know why not do something about that little Anarchist problem? Their commune is off in the snow if you didn’t know already. I believe in you! (/rp)

Hello concern citizen,

Im glad to have your input and I will put them into consideration. I do think that giving the Presidency was the best idea for Tntblr. I assure you if I didn't it wouldn't be like this. Although we have had some pushback everything is going just as planned to make Tntblr a better place. When you did vote for me you put your trust in my decisions and priorities. My priorities are helping and my decisions reflect that.

You are also concerned about me get betrayed. I see where you're coming from but that is my personal life and I'm choosing not to talk about that. I will be taking more public initiative soon enough. Everything I have done as far has been making sure Tntblr run smoothly but that has been out of the public eye.

I have heard about the commune from some anonymous sources. They do not appear to be hostel so we will not be engaging. We don't need unessential wars and to risk the safety of our people.

Thank you for writing feel free to write again if you have any concerns.

/rp

#/ooc #C!Cryptid is loyal but also power hungry #thank u for the ask <3

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blatherkatt · 7 years

Text

Title: The Calm Is Terrifying When The Storm Is All You Know [Homestuck]

Intermission 1

Summary: There were two kinds of trolls who went to Earth: rich shitheads with too much money and free time, and desperate assholes who couldn’t survive on Alternia, even with the best efforts of the young Condesce. Karkat hated the planet almost immediately, but with his home planet too dangerous for mutants, he really didn’t have any choice but to hide out on this weird little diurnal planet. At least he’d be safe. Or so he thought, right before blundering his way into an accidental friendship with the son of an anti-troll terrorist.

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: Mentioned/implied abuse; Pesterlogs, No seriously this entire chapter is just logs, swear the next chapters at least a third finished but in the meantime this bit got way out of hand so here

FIRST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

— excerpt of chatlog from group chat “assholes anonymous” 6/13/2015 —

GG: And I’m afraid that’s all Roxy and I know. She got a call from Terezi yesterday saying that she would need to wait a few days before coming down to visit again.

GT: Holy toledo! Christ on a cracker i really picked a bad time to study abroad didnt i. So much happened while i was gone!

— timaeusTestified [TT] is online! —

GT: I feel like a right fool for not checking my messages from anyone while i was away but i was just so overwhelmed by how many there were and so tired out from being in another country and all.

GT: Oh!

TG: DIRK

TG: motherfucker tell me whats goin on!!!!

GG: There you are! Is everything alright?

TT: Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine, give me a minute.

TT: Well. No. That’s wrong.

TT: Everything’s pretty much gone to shit, but everyone’s alive, somehow, and for the time being things have cooled the fuck off.

TG: aaaaaah now im even more scared what happened?!!

GT: Er its good to be back but the girls have been filling me in on whats played out in my absence and im afraid im on roxys side here what in the devilfucking dickens is going on exactly?

GG: Thirded!

TT: I take it you didn’t get around to reading the messages I sent you then, Jake?

TT: Which is fine. I kind of figured. Whatever.

TT: Short version: There was an attempt to reclaim Dave by some of the old man’s lackeys.

TT: An attempt which Dave knew about well in advance.

TG: oh shit

TG: oh shit dave nooooo D:

GG: Oh, goodness.

TT: I caught him having a panic attack in the kitchen, during the middle of the night on the twelfth. He managed to tell me essentially that we had four hours to prepare, and then we’d be under attack.

TT: He was planning on going with the quietly, apparently, but changed his mind at the last minute, I guess.

TT: Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he told us, but…Ugh.

TT: It seemed like he was starting to get a little better, finally, and then this huge fucking setback hits.

TT: It’s frustrating.

GT: I’ll say it is! Gosh dirk im so sorry i missed so much of the leadup to this.

GT: Getting the poor boy back after ten years only for him to be such a mess and to finally get somewhere only to lose so much progress…

TG: aaaaaaaugh

TG: i mean is it really a setback though? he still told you!

TG: ive been having the hardest time getting him to talk about anything that happened to him and i think he n i get on pretty well

TG: he still chose to stay with us!

TT: Yeah, and it only took him two fucking months to do so. I don’t even know if he made that choice because he actually wants to be here.

TT: It’s more like he just decided we’re the lesser of two evils.

GG: Well, that’s better than nothing, right?

TT: Ha.

TT: Sure, I guess. Pardon me if I’m not thrilled, though.

TG: diiiiiirk

TG: dirk chill out a little like i get it but seriously!

TG: trust me dave doesnt want to be mean to anybody

TT: Of course he doesn’t.

TT: I’m not mad at Dave at all, don’t get me wrong.

TT: This is my fault.

GT: Now wait just a moment there strider!

GG: How on Earth is any of this your fault? It sounds to me like you made the best of a bad situation! Dave’s the only one who knew about this!

TT: It all goes back to that first meeting at the police station.

TT: I set the precedent. Made everything a him-versus-us, with Karkat his only ally.

TT: He doesn’t trust us because I somehow said exactly the wrong thing to him back in that interrogation room.

TG: im sure thats not it

TG: dirk hes not one to hold a grudge like you and rose are theres gotta be another reason

TT: I’d be happy to hear it, then, because I’m fucking clueless.

TT: Of all the problems I’ve tried to solve, my own fucking brother is proving the most enigmatic.

TT: He’s the fucking labyrinth at Crete, and I don’t have nearly enough fucking yarn to get through this.

TT: And apparently I’m a fucking outlier in that respect. Roxy’s figured Dave out, the fucking aliens get along with him fine, and apparently even Rose made up with him while my back was turned, because he’s been following her around all day, even though she ripped into him yesterday over Kanaya.

TT: Who, by the way, is a fucking vampire now. I feel like I’m losing brain cells just writing that, but there it is.

TT: I’m sharing the house with a literal alien vampire. I’m officially one of the side characters in my aunt’s trashy books.

TG: dirk dude im telling you dave isnt as complicated as you keep making him out to be!

TG: hes not a puzzle that needs to be solved hes just a scared kid!

TT: Why is he still scared, then? Why?

TT: I believe you, but how do I make him be not scared?

TT: Why the fuck can’t I understand my own brother!

— timaeusTestified [TT] is offline —

GG: Oh no.

GT: Jesus jumping jehosaphat!

— timaeusTestified [TT] is online —

TT: Sorry.

TT: Got a little too worked up, hit my desk hard enough that something came unplugged.

TG: dirk

TG: dirk.

TG: holy shit.

TT: I’m, uh, also sorry that I actually hit enter on those last few posts. That was kind of shitty. I’ll get a lid on it.

GT: You gave us all quite a fright there!

GG: I’ll say.

GG: You shouldn’t feel bad, though! I for one am glad you were honest!

GG: Maybe we can all figure out something! If Rose got things sorted out after the rocky start you mentioned, then I’m sure you can, too!

TG: have you tried talkin to him yet

TT: Oh, yeah, because talking to him went so well last time.

TT: Look, I appreciate the advice. But at this point,

TT: I’m pretty much prepared to just accept that he wants nothing to do with me.

TT: Can’t really blame him. I look like the old man. Probably set off enough bad memories that I’m just going to scare him worse.

TT: I’ll just stay out of his way as best I can.

TG: dirk that is literally the exact opposite of what you should be doing

GT: Well i dont know roxy it might work out better that way.

GT: Give the lad his space and let him settle in on his own time!

GT: Let the air clear a bit before trying anything you know?

TG: jake trust me dave needs a lot of really explicit verbal reassurance

TG: he is the scaredest fucking kid you can imagine okay

TG: he apologizes for things that arent even things that should be apologized for

TG: and says hes sorry again even after you tell him hes done nothing wrong just to be extra sure

TG: and he wont do anything unless you specifically tell him hes allowed

TG: and even then hes super cautious about it

GG: Gosh…

TT: Exactly.

TT: If he’s that scared, me forcing him into a conversation is only going to make things worse. It’s not going to be a productive talk if he’s completely shut down.

TT: I’ll figure it out, alright? Just.

TT: I need to rethink things, maybe. Slow down a little.

TT: It’s just a setback. We’ll recover.

TG: uuuuugh

TG: this whole things such a mess :(

TG: let me know when im allowed to come over and hug on him again will you?

TT: Sure thing.

TG: hug him yourself in the meantime!

TT: Probably not a great idea, Rox.

TG: >:(

— excerpt of chatlog from group chat “who you gonna call” 6/13/2015 —

EB: geez. thats pretty crazy.

EB: i cant believe dave would put you guys all in danger like that.

GG: im sure he didnt mean to!

TT: I agree, actually, Jade.

GG: :0 !!!

EB: really?

TT: I spoke to Dave after all the carnage ended, and I’ve come to realize that I’ve been completely misinterpreting his behavior.

TT: I’ve been viewing everything he does through the lens of my own behavior and Dirk’s, and assuming that everything he did which irritated me was done out of some form of antagonism.

TT: Yesterday, I learned exactly how far off I’ve been, and I’d like to apologize for sharing that mistaken impression with you two.

TT: The problem hasn’t been that Dave is holding some petty grudge. It’s that he’s been scared.

GG: :(

GG: :( :( :(

EB: scared? dave?

TT: Terrified, even.

TT: He was literally so frightened when I confronted him that he could barely move.

GG: oh no! rose!

TT: I apologized, I promise, and I’ve been trying to reign myself in around him now that I know there is fear at foot.

TT: I’m a little horrified myself, frankly, at how bad things must be for him.

EB: but if hes so scared why didn’t he just tell you guys sooner?

TT: He’s scared both ways, essentially. Terrified of what we’ll do to him if he breaks some rule here, terrified of what our father will do to him.

TT: I had expected trauma from the beginning, but when it didn’t present in the ways I expected, I assumed he was just fine.

TT: But this is…

TT: It’s as if his fear responses, even his fight or flight reflex, are just…broken.

TT: Like I said, when I confronted him, his eyes were huge and terrified, but he made no move to defend himself, nor did he try to escape. He just…braced himself. Readying himself for a blow that I had no intention of ever delivering, but which he dreaded more with every second it didn’t come.

TT: Ever since, I’ve been paying attention to his body language, since it’s so hard to read his expressions when he’s got those sunglasses on, and I’ve noticed so many times where he tenses up, so suddenly and to such an extreme that I’m surprised it doesn’t physically hurt him.

TT: And it’s not just for legitimate potential threats, like someone looking angry. He does it for the slightest sounds, for random movements, sometimes seemingly for no reason at all.

TT: Hes like some feral animal, constantly thinking he’s going to be hunted, and yet, he can’t run. He just sits there and waits for the blow to land, hoping that if he simply takes whatever punishment is thrown on him, it will end sooner.

TT: And all I can think is just…

TT: What kind of hell has he been through for these past ten years that he reacts to things as simple as a creaking floorboard or a waving hand makes him think he’s going to be attacked?

TT: What did that son of a bitch do to my brother?

EB: jesus.

GG: D:

EB: i always knew that things were bad for dave but i didnt think it was any where near that bad!

GG: hes not in too much trouble is he??

TT: Not at all.

TT: Terezi let him off with a warning, and there’s not much else we can do to him, besides. He’s already under house arrest.

TT: He knows what he did wrong.

GG: thats good! i wonder why he waited so long to tell the truth though?

TT: I’m pretty sure at this point that he was never intending on telling us.

EB: what! why not!

TT: I don’t think he believes he has a choice. He did tell Dirk what happened while having a panic attack, after all. I suspect it may have been something similar to the sort of terror that strikes when you realize it’s the end of a vacation period from school, and you’re not ready to go back yet.

TT: Except, you know, way worse, on account of it being abuse at the hands of a literal terrorist he would have to return to.

TT: He said something that stuck with me, when I asked, and he seemed very genuinely sad when he said it.

TT: “It doesn’t matter what I want. He’s going to come back for me again.”

TT: He’s so resigned to a fate that he is not actually doomed to.

EB: wow :(

TT: But on the bright side,

TT: I think he’s starting to realize that we really aren’t going to hurt him.

GG: yeah?

TT: He’s been following me around like a lost puppy all day. He jumps whenever I move too quickly, but he’s actually here in the room with Kanaya and I right now. The two of them have been chatting on and off for a while.

TT: I suspect it may be just that he hasn’t worked up the courage to talk to Karkat yet, but even so, he seems like he’s testing a boundary.

TT: Pushing to see if I really am no longer angry with him. It’s certainly a welcome change from his usual habit of hiding in his own bedroom.

GG: oh gosh!! can you tell him i said hi?

EB: holy shit hes right with you? get him online!

TT: John, he’s not allowed to use a computer, remember?

EB: fuck!

EB: tell him i said hi too, then!

GG: looool

TT: Done.

TT: He lit up a little, and mumbled a “Hi” right back.

GG: :D

EB: lol, dork.

TT: He says “This coming from John ‘unironically likes Nick fucking Cage’ Egderp.”

EB: >:B !!!!

— golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] —

GT: Hey, um.

GT: I know this is probably not something you really want to hear just now, but i really do want to apologize.

GT: I just got so distracted and worn out while abroad, and you always send so damned many messages, i didnt have the energy to read them all.

TT: It’s fine.

GT: No it isnt! Dirk i know how hugely important getting dave home has been to you ive known for ages!

GT: And whatever tumultuous relationship status we may currently be sharing youre still my best bro and i feel like a right horse’s arse for not being here for you during such a rollercoaster of a rough time!

TT: It’s alright, really. I appreciate the sentiment, but it’s wholly unnecessary.

GT: I promise ill at least try and check my messages more and keep more up to date on the situation.

GT: Let me know if theres any way i can help alright?

TT: Sure.

TT: Welcome home, by the way. It’s nice to talk to you again.

GT: Likewise!

— twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling grimAuxilitrix [GA] —

TA: TZ told me two me22age you, and by that ii mean 2he woke me up wiith a text 2aying ‘talk two kanaya a2ap a22hole 2hit2 gone down’.

TA: 2o what exactly ii2 goiing on.

GA: Um

GA: Well Im A Rainbow Drinker Now

TA: oh.

TA: you know what actually fuck thii2 iim goiing back two 2leep.

— twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling grimAuxilitrix [GA] —

#dirk strider #rose lalonde #roxy lalonde #jake english #jade harley #longpost//#john egbert #jane crocker #kanaya maryam #sollux captor #dave is mentioned in this one but not actually in it so.#fanfic #fanfiction #katt does a writing #calmvsstormfic #calmvsstormchapter #now for the really fun part: formatting all this on ao3 #and by fun i mean deeply tedious

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