#im sorry if the message got a little bit general in the middle but i really do mean it

[neonacidtrip]

we haven't spoken in a very long time, but i dreamt of you last night, so I couldn't help but think of you. I'm not sure you remember me, but i hope life is treating you well these days. take care.

I'm not sure what to say, but I can promise you I have not forgotten you. My time on Tumblr has been a mess full of hiatuses, I admit, but it will always be a place where I met some very wonderful friends, including you. With 100% honesty, I can say the friends I made here are some of the best friends I have ever had, even though most of us don't talk anymore.

It doesn't matter how often I speak with people, or if we never speak again. I'll always remember you, and I'll always think fondly of you and hope that life is treating you gently and kindly.

I hope you had a nice (or at the very least an okay) dream, and I'm glad to know you still remember me, too, regardless of all else.

Take care, love <3

[nandysparadox]

strawberry ice cream and rescue missions

Pairing: romantic royality; mentioned brotherly moxiety and platonic logicality

Word count: 2311

cw: emotional hurt/comfort; light angst; insecurity; overworking; mentioned unsupportive parents

Summary:

Roman is worried he'll never make it onto stage after all. Patton is worried about his next test.

or

Two times Patton and Roman comforted each other

---

fic for day 2 of @royalityweek!! ill have to admit i may have strayed from the prompt a little bit, but im happy with how this turned out ❤️🩵😊 this is part of the same verse as my previous royality week fics, but can be read separately (ill make a masterpost soon!)

huge thanks to @ivaryn0 for beta-reading!

prompt: family/friendship

Hmm. Should he get more chocolate? Patton wondered, squinting at the lines of chocolate bars that filled the shelves in the sweets aisle. He couldn’t remember if there was still some in the fridge…

Well, he ate chocolate fast, might as well. He picked up a few kit-kats and dropped them in the basket when a ring sounded from his phone. He checked the screen, switching to the messaging app immediately when he saw it was Roman.

just got off work

do you wanna come over?

He blinked. Roman could be spontaneous with plans sometimes, but generally, Patton was the one to host the spur-of-the-moment movie nights between the two of them.

In any case, it's not like he was planning to do anything other than scroll on his phone after he got home. Hanging out with Roman would definitely be a plus.

sure sweetie!😊💖 im at the grocery store rn, do you want me to pick up something for u??

The typing bubble popped up, and it stayed there for about a minute. Patton tilted his head.

ice cream

…

please

Oh. Oh, something was wrong for sure.

A good ol’ ice cream tub was Roman’s go-to when he was feeling down, and that’d certainly explain why he asked to hang out out of nowhere. He couldn’t tell exactly what happened, nothing good for sure, but now he was on a mission.

Operation “cheer up boyfriend” initiated!

Luckily, the ice cream aisle was close to the checkout counter. Patton rummaged around the freezer for strawberry cheesecake, Roman’s favorite, and got three pints for good measure. Of course, making sure to get a bottle of chocolate syrup while in line. After that, it was just a matter of driving to Roman’s apartment.

He might’ve rushed up the stairs a bit too much and his knees definitely paid the price, but darn it he was worried!

He double-checked the apartment number and moved to open the door. Faint music came from behind it, Taylor Swift’s…All Too Well? Oh boy.

“I brought the ice cream, Ro!” Patton said as he entered. Immediately, his eyes flitted to Roman in the middle of the couch. Blankets swaddled him to the point that Patton could barely make out his face. But as he got closer, he saw the tear tracks that trailed down to his chin.

“Oh love,” Patton said, feeling his heart ache at the sight. “Hold on, let me grab you a spoon, ok?”

By the time he was back, Roman hadn’t moved an inch. Patton sat next to him, cracking open the ice cream and plopping the spoon into it.

Roman then proceeded to take the pint and eat it with a ferocity that was kind of impressive.

“…Thanks,” Roman muttered.

“Of course, Ro,” Patton smiled, putting a hand on Roman’s knee, in what he hoped to be a comforting way. “Do you wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, it’s— it’s dumb,” Roman replied, wrapping his arms around his middle. “I’m being dramatic.”

“It’s not dumb, Ro, not if it’s upsetting you.”

Roman sighed. “The cast list for this season’s show came out.”

“Oh, sweetie…”

“Ensemble. Again!” Roman cried, doing mock jazz hands. “I know, I know, I should be grateful I’m in the show at all, and ensemble’s no easy feat of course, but I just thought…”

Roman hunched his shoulders up and let his hands fall into his lap.

“I thought this was going to be the time.”

“I’m so sorry you didn’t get the part you wanted, honey,” Patton said, leaning into Roman’s side. “I’m sure you did your best.”

“I’m starting to think my best just isn’t enough,” Roman let out a hollow laugh. “You know, every time, I tell myself it’s gonna happen, this is gonna be my big break… Maybe it’s just never gonna happen.”

Patton watched helplessly as Roman wound a hand into his hair, pulling. His face twisted in misery. Patton couldn’t bear to see it, the hope crumbling from Roman’s eyes.

“Maybe I’m just gonna be serving milkshakes and cheesecake in a 50s-themed diner for the rest of my life,” he said, bitter. “Great, my parents were right. I’ll never be anyone at all.”

“Don’t say that, Roman,” Patton said firmly. He surprised himself with the sternness in his voice, but he stood by it — he wouldn’t just let Roman be so cruel to himself. “They’re wrong. Of course you’re enough, honey, please don’t let others convince you you’re not, be it your parents or anyone else.”

Roman hummed and something in Patton’s chest twisted at the disbelief in his eyes.

“Ro, listen to me,” Patton pleaded, taking Roman’s hands and squeezing them. “You’re incredible. You’re passionate, and witty, and creative, and dazzling, and none of that hinges on you having the lead role in a show. It doesn’t matter if you’re a waiter, or a superstar, you don't need to measure up to anyone's idea of success.”

Patton smiled, letting go of Roman’s hands to cup his face and brush his thumb across the high of his cheekbone. “You're you. That's enough.” He paused, touching his forehead to Roman's. “You know I love you, right?”

Roman went silent, and with each second that passed Patton got more worried he might’ve said the wrong thing. But then, all of a sudden, he wrapped Patton in a tight hug.

“I love you too,” replied Roman, a quiet chuckle on his lips. Patton hugged him back, crossing his arms over Roman’s back.

When they finally pulled apart, Roman wiped at his eyes, smiling. “You always know what to say, don’t you?”

“Maybe not always,” Patton shrugged. “But I’m sure good at turning around gloomy days! How about I pick up more ice cream and we put on some Disney movies?”

Roman laughed in response, and Patton was so glad to hear it.

Roman sighed as he leaned his forehead against the door, raising his fist to knock for about the third time. Of course, getting into Patton’s apartment hadn’t been the hard part — his roommate was just as worried about him as Roman himself.

The real problem would be getting him to actually leave his desk and put a pause on studying.

“I’m taking a break soon, Logan, don’t worry!” Soon came Patton’s cheerful voice through the door. By the unprompted nature of the comment, he must’ve repeated this line many times before and Roman would guess he’d actually done as he said about… zero of them. “Do you need anything?”

Other options exhausted, Roman supposed he’d just have to go for it.

“Only for you to emerge from your fortress of darkness, my dear,” he said, opening the door.

Fortress of darkness indeed. The laptop screen, about the only source of light in the room, cast a blue tint on the books and papers thrown around the desk. Mugs and cups piled around a forgotten corner of the nightstand. At least the window was open, so Patton must’ve gotten some sunlight in the afternoon.

“…Roman?” Patton squinted at him and tilted his head, swiveling his chair around to face him. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m on a mission, darling,” Roman declared, bowing. Hopefully, his dramatics would help win Patton over. “ Recruited by your dearest brother himself… and your roomie was kind enough to let me in.”

“Logan,” Patton grumbled, then shot Roman a look of disbelief, eyebrows raised. “Hold on, Virgil sent you?”

Roman strode over to him, tilting Patton’s chin up and gently brushing his raven hair out of his glasses. Dark circles shadowed his eyes, and he looked as if he might fall over with a single touch. Roman bit his lip, when had Patton last slept? That wasn’t like him — he barely stayed up late, even on weekends.

“Darling, you haven’t texted your brother in three days. And you know how he gets when he’s worried.” Roman fake shivered, pulling a little giggle out of the other. “When I asked how you were doing this morning, you just sent me a thumbs-up emoji. And Logan says you haven’t come out of here either.”

“I— just,” Patton looked down. “I really need to study, okay? I have a test in a week, and I still have to review the three last units, and memorize all these names—”

“And don’t you think you’ll do better if you give your brain a chance to rest?” Roman raised an eyebrow. “C’mon, you’re taking a nap.”

“What? I can’t, Roman I’m so behind—” Patton protested as Roman pulled him from the chair and herded him towards the bed.

“So you don’t want to cuddle your poor suffering boyfriend?” Roman gave him an exaggerated pout, knowing the other wouldn’t be able to resist it. “Jail for Patton, jail for Patton for one thousand years!”

“Don’t be mean,” Patton whined. He glanced at their entwined hands, sighed, and climbed onto the bed grumbling.

They cuddled for about a minute, and Roman would be lying to say he hadn’t thoroughly enjoyed the fact that his boyfriend wore his favorite sweater. You’d think it was a bit plain, just a simple gray affair, but only if you hadn’t touched it — by Jove, it was like angels themselves knit the thing. Though soon enough, Patton disentangled himself from Roman’s arms, much to his displeasure, and sent a conflicted glance to his desk. Roman groaned.

“Ro, I need to study, I’m sorry.”

“Patton, be serious with me,” Roman said, crossing his arms. “You really think you are fit to study right now? You look like you’ll drop if the wind blows too hard.”

“But—”

“C’mon, darling,” He cupped Patton’s cheek, looking directly into his red-rimmed eyes. “You know better than to overwork yourself. I thought we’d skipped the workaholic college student phase when you were an undergrad.”

“That’s the thing, Ro,” Patton huffed, sounding terribly small. He dug his nails into the comforter, leaning away from Roman's hand. “I'm not an undergrad anymore. I can't coast by. If I want to be a vet, I can't just-”

He clicked his mouth shut, pulling his knees up to his chest.

“Hey,” Roman reached out again, but he only curled up further. He paused. Pinpricks of tears formed in the corner of Patton’s eyes and he looked so, so tired. It just about killed Roman to see him so upset. “C’mon, what’s going on?”

“I failed the last test,” Patton muttered, hiding his face in the crook of his arms. “If I don’t do well on this one, there won’t be extra credit that’ll save my grade. I can’t fail this class I can’t—”

“Oh, darling,” Roman crooned, as he gently wrapped the other into a hug. “It’s okay.”

Patton sniffled into Roman's shoulder.

“You’ve never “coasted by”. Don’t punish yourself for struggling,” Roman said, tracing circles onto his back. “Some classes can be tough, that’s okay. No shame in needing to put more effort into learning a subject, you just need to remember you can work hard and still take care of yourself.”

“…What if I’m just not cut out for this?” Patton whispered.

“What? Darling, look at me,” Roman pulled away, then took Patton’s hands with his own. “You’re one of the smartest, most compassionate people I know. I have no doubt in my mind that you’ll be a great veterinarian.” He smiled. “Nay, the greatest!”

Patton huffed a laugh and leaned into Roman’s shoulder.

Roman pressed a small kiss into his hair. “You’ll get through this, I know it. There can’t be a victory without some challenge after all,” he said, “But you better not overwork yourself again, mister, or I swear I’ll bully you into some self-care.”

“I’m sure you will.”

Sneaking a hand around his back, Roman pulled Patton down abruptly and flopped him onto the bed, drawing a fit of giggles from him.

“Don’t test me,” he smirked.

Patton let out an airy laugh. “Alright, alright.”

They fell into silence as Roman picked up a pillow from the foot of the bed and lay down. Patton had taken to fidgeting with the sleeves of his blue jumper, quiet as he unraveled a bit of loose thread.

“Vet school is really something,” he finally said.

“Not like you expected?”

“I don't know,” Patton admitted. “I just feel… out of place? Everyone here seems so well-adjusted and driven, but I still feel like I’m bumbling.”

“Is there such a thing as well-adjusted university students?” Roman snorted. “This is a new thing for you, dear, only natural you’ll need some time to get used to it.”

“As long as it doesn’t take too long,” sighed Patton.

“You’re doing great, Pat, trust me,” Roman reached over to ruffle his hair, grinning when Patton pouted adorably and batted his hand away.

“You’re too cute, I’m sorry,” Roman said, stifling a chuckle. Patton crossed his arms. “You know I love you, right?”

Instantly, Patton’s face softened — a pretty blush tinted his cheeks and he smiled bashfully. “I love you too, honey.”

“Man, if I knew I could persuade by flirting I'd have done it much earlier.” Roman teased, raising his hands when he saw the look he got in response. “Okay, okay, I give. So, how about that nap?”

Patton opened his mouth to respond but cut himself with a wide yawn before he could.

“Yeah, I think that’s answer enough.”

Wrapping his arms around Patton's waist, Roman pulled the covers over them and, after whispering goodnight, planted a kiss on his hair. For someone who’d claimed he could go right back to studying with no problem, Patton fell asleep rather quickly — five minutes barely passed and he was already snoring softly. Roman shook his head in amusement. Poor thing sure was exhausted. He snaked his hand around to grab his phone and snapped a photo to send to Virgil.

Mission accomplished.

---

A/N: this takes place about 1-2 years after they met in milkshakes and checkered diners - Patton is in his 1st year of the Veterinary Medicine program, while Roman has been out of college for a year-ish and working on that particular community theater since his senior year of collegeyes he's freaking out about never making it one year into his career 😆 he's a bit of a drama queen but we love him

[wot-tidbits]

dont you think your recent post abt “coldblooded betrayals” is a little dramatic? its a book fandom on a decrepit unprofitable website like. unless someone doxxed you in which case im sorry, thats awful, i think you can just let it the fuck go? i dont know what kind of purity points you think manning the “middle ground” until your dying breath gives you but its just kind of annoying, condescending and white knight-y. poc and gays are always gonna feel strongly abt representation and take things personally bc living your whole life as a minority will condition you to be on the defence most of the time. also like genuinely, the cast are all good actors so that cant be the issue and at this point you and ur fellow show critics who are putting a handful of vague ass lines from a dead guy above real life peoples genuine feelings are very hard to take in good faith. is the plot and the message of the story not more important ‘canon’ to you than the exact shade of ochre ol’ bobby J pictured in his head???

this got away from me and i know youve ‘shared praise for the show’ or whatever and i wanna make it clear you liking or disliking a show on amazon fucking prime absolutely does not matter to me or i suspect to anyone else, of course ur entirled to your opinion and thats not what the discussion is about at all. i hate several things abt the show myself. just that your tone when discussing how its affecting your fellow fans who are different from you is rly kind of insulting. we’re not all simply Too Stupid and Uncultured to rise to your civil and emotionally detatched discussion. it just matters more when youre not the straight white default, thats why people are taking it personally. theyve got more skin in the game than you do

Thank you, anon, for your time and your effort. I appreciate it. And thank you for providing us with wonderful example what I and Narg are talking about that is wrong in the WOT fandom.

“dont you think your recent post abt “coldblooded betrayals” is a little dramatic? its a book fandom on a decrepit unprofitable website like. unless someone doxxed you in which case im sorry, thats awful, i think you can just let it the fuck go?”

It depends on the person. For me it is a little bit dramatic as I had to go through turmoil of pain and shock. No, I am not doxed. I won’t go into details but still it should not be easy to let go the end of long 4 years friendship. I let the fuck go many things that have been said and done to me on this platform but the betrayal of my loyal unconditioned friendship is not one of them. Call it dramatic, for me it was valuable lesson and reminder that everyone can be vicious snake regardless of their political views.

“i dont know what kind of purity points you think manning the “middle ground” until your dying breath gives you but its just kind of annoying, condescending and white knight-y.”

I don’t know either about the kind of purity points. I hear about them for first time. I didn’t do it for any reward. Or in fact, no, I did it for one reward – healthy communication in the fandom. The middle ground is not in quotation marks. These people exist and my dying breath won’t change this fact.

All what I did with that post was call for fair and equal treatment for everyone in the fandom. I didn’t place myself above anyone. I didn’t tell people how I am morally superior to them. I condemned the act of bullying just because someone is different than myself. Do you really want to describe a call for fair and equal treatment of people and condemn for bullying - annoying, condescending and white knight-y? Really? By using such words you only reveal that you do not support what I call for.

“poc and gays are always gonna feel strongly abt representation and take things personally bc living your whole life as a minority will condition you to be on the defence most of the time.”

There is a difference. First, I don’t think that is acceptable to generalize such big group of people with the victimhood mantle. I know many people who are not always like that. This should not be default characterization just because it is an excuse. Second, let we accept that generalization and then what? What you are trying to say and imply with this statement? Just because poc and guys feel it strongly then their representation should be somehow an excuse for their behavior and acts? People should let bullying, lies and manipulations to be spread around about the books only because one group of fans are making them? Being poc or being gay doesn’t turn every word into the absolute truth. Everyone is judged what they say and how they read and analyze on their own merit not on their strong feels. In this fandom we do not discuss real life politics, we do not discuss behavior of real life humans, we do not judge real life behavior, we do not share truths of many or lies of many. We discuss predetermined fictional books and its predetermined fictional characters with given objective facts and given tools to analyze them. Representation* would matter if the books are open code and many people determine how the story to be written as every person has an opinion on something. But the books are closed code and they are being written by only one (in this case two-ish) author, one mind, one truth. One person has all the knowledge as we cannot claim it as ours.** We give our various interpretations but still we discuss only one truth. Robert Jordan made one and the same truth for poc and for non-poc readers. One and the same truth for gays and non-gays readers. Your statement basically reveals that poc and gay are on the defence from the author himself. Huge difference.

*Representation in the context used by anon. Everyone knows that the Wheel of Time has one of the biggest representations (if not the biggest one) in fantasy. Robert Jordan was very adamant to nail it in every reader’s mind with his plethora of cultures.

**Yes, Death of the Author theory exists and I am aware of it. In this case we don't talk about ignoring author's meaning though. We talk about what is canon and what is the exact meaning of the author as it is "exactly like in the books" argument.

“the cast are all good actors so that cant be the issue and at this point you and ur fellow show critics who are putting a handful of vague ass lines from a dead guy above real life peoples genuine feelings are very hard to take in good faith. is the plot and the message of the story not more important ‘canon’ to you than the exact shade of ochre ol’ bobby J pictured in his head???”

You are right, the actors are not the issue. But that is unfortunately the only thing that this fandom can communicate through. It has never been about the actors. It has never been about what shade of ochre people picture. It is about only one truth, one mind and one knowledge. You are saying it like putting a handful of vague ass lines from a dead guy above real life people’s genuine feelings is not the default option. How very fitting to push the argument towards a group of “real life people genuine feelings”. You stated it like it is one entity and there are others outside of it. What about all others who are also real people and who are also having genuine feelings? Why all other groups don’t deserve the same? How fair and equal of you. The answer is simple – when you put real life people’s genuine feelings over a handful of vague ass lines from a dead guy – then you do not have the Wheel of Time. You have something else. It might seem the message is the same. It might seem the plot is the same. But there is one truth, one mind, one dead guy. Robert Jordan created this world, not real life people’s genuine feelings. These feelings are helpful to enrich his world but still not equal to its creation (this is why we have fan fiction stories for this goal). People want to see RJ's vision, not someone else’s vision just because they have genuine feelings.

When Peter Jackson started his work on the LOTR adaptation did he say to himself – hey, I want to make this about real life people’s genuine feelings and definitely not about handful of vague ass lines from that dead Tolkien guy. The decisions taken by Peter Jackson what to change and how to change the original text were never made about real life people’s genuine feelings. So when someone is trying to imply the complete opposite approach is the one who should be very hard to take in good faith actually.

“this got away from me and i know youve ‘shared praise for the show’ or whatever and i wanna make it clear you liking or disliking a show on amazon fucking prime absolutely does not matter to me or i suspect to anyone else, of course ur entirled to your opinion and thats not what the discussion is about at all.”

This should be the default approach. Everyone is free to like or dislike a show on amazon fucking prime and it should not matter to you or to anyone else. This is correct. But unfortunately this is not how it works. The whole post of Narg was about how this doesn’t work in real life. If it didn’t matter then why those people in Narg’s example took the effort to go after fellow show critics and bullied them with false labels and false accusations? Mocking them because fellow show critics dared to quote the books. Patting themselves on their own back how they are morally superior to fellow show critics who just wanted Robert Jordan’s genuine feelings to be adapted and not someone else’s. It is a call for reality check. People when they are behaving properly should be left to be entitled to their opinion, not being turned into victim of organized cyber-bullying for the mere sin of having different opinion.

And in another light how discussion and debate are supposed to happen in the fandom, how the voices of different opinions are supposed to be heard if some group of people decides that the above are not worthy to exist according to their criteria. You do realize that any second you may be the next on the line, right? What makes someone think that they are immune to be excluded from that group? All are equal but some are more equal than others? How is this possibility not terrifying anyone?

“i hate several things abt the show myself. just that your tone when discussing how its affecting your fellow fans who are different from you is rly kind of insulting. we’re not all simply Too Stupid and Uncultured to rise to your civil and emotionally detatched discussion. it just matters more when youre not the straight white default, thats why people are taking it personally. theyve got more skin in the game than you do”

I am no different than any fellow fan. I haven’t insulted anyone. I haven’t stated that people are too stupid or uncultured in comparison. This is clear manipulation of my message about fair and equal treatment for everyone. How I should treat people fair and equally if I think that they are too stupid, uncultured and different than me? Where is the logic in that?

It matters more? There are no excuses to act in bad faith unprovoked. Do you imply that you will welcome wholeheartedly if not-the-straight-white-default start bullying a person despite evidence that they have never made any derogatory comments to anyone? Making excuses for toxic behavior and bullying toward other fans won’t change the books and it won’t change Robert Jordan’s truth. Calling this disgustful behavior is having more skin in the game than hiding under the moral superiority mantle.

And for final words, as I pointed anon provided excellent example for the cause.

The message of my post was very simple – call for fair and equal treatment for everyone and condemn for bullying done in the fandom under the mantle of moral superiority. Nowhere I stated that I am different than you and that I think myself for something more than you. I called for communication. Why I would do that if I am arrogant prick mocking you? And what was the message in return? Nothing about my call but ad hominem labels. Anon assuming that what I wrote I did in ill faith and with bad intentions. This is the disaster I am talking about – the way of approach in anon’s message. They didn’t approach me to talk about the problem, they directly started insulting me, manipulating my message, condescending my post with labels and basically saying me to STFU. Even if I am in the wrong here, this is not ok. And as many of you won’t even detect what was wrong here, we have a huge problem in the communication. This got too long already so I wrap it up and maybe there is still hope. I am still here.

Let the Light keep you safe. LightOne

[1d1195]

I would NEVER purposely skip a post of yours! especially Zipper! I love you and them too much to do that!

So Im not on the semester system, it's actually the quarter system! Which means I have 10 weeks of instruction and 1 week of finals! So I will be finishing up my second out of the three in the academic year. Truly hell lol midterms start the end of the 2nd week for some classes.... like today (Tuesday) I had my 3rd and final math midterm and our final exam is this Saturday. Truly insane lol OMG ALSO THIS WAS MY LAST DAY WITH MY HOT PROFESSOR 😭😭😭 so sad about that because I wont get to see that man anymore! LIKE WHERE IS MY MOTIVATION GONNA COME FROM NOW?! and we had our final presentations today and I got a compliment from him and dear god that sliver of praise made me dizzy😵‍💫

ANYWAYS! Im glad you have other writers as a support system!!! and yes! miss fireflies is so kind in general! and it's good to vent especially with someone you're comfortable with!

Im glad you're feeling a bit better about it! It's okay to have those feelings and sometimes you just have to feel them. I think overall tumblr has been a bit "slow" in general but maybe a middle of the week post may help? Like a little treat to keep going until the weekend? IDK either way you know your readers vibe so whatever you decided to do will be good!

ABAHAH OMG WE ARE BOTH BROWN HAIRED AND EYED GIRLIES CONSTANTLY OVERWHELMED!!! truly an accurate description of myself lol you're not alone at least!

and im kinda honored that you thought it was me?! liar is SO ME coded due to the lack of allowing myself to experience good things in life but that's a different story lol like Im about to fangirl for a bit but they did this podcast called song explore and they went into detail of how they made it in terms of instrumentation and all and UGH THIS WAS SO GOOD! i don't think ive ever mentioned it before but I was a musician so learning the details of the composition was a gift! Also if you ever need sad song inspo i got you bc the majority of my playlist is depressing lol

ANWAYSSSSSSSSSS im glad im back too! Hope you're well and that your week is good!!!-💜

Omg I would never think you purposefully didn’t read something! But still, you know I don’t expect you to read everything; I kind of thought you forgot and I sort of anticipated a follow up message! 💕😉

QUARTERS of course! I don’t hear of too many schools doing that so I totally forgot that exists. Well that makes more sense. That’s so overwhelming, V, I’m sorry :( I’m sure you’re used to it now but I would cry everyday so I have no doubt you’re doing phenomenally and I’m so proud of you!!! Omg RIP hot professor. I’m going to miss him 😭 you should go to his office hours if you need help with another class every once in a while just to say hi 😉😉

I would die without Miss Firefly having to put up with me all the time 😂

I didn’t know you were a musician!!! I’m musically DE-clined so I could never but that’s amazing. You have to be SUPER smart 😭 I can sing a little but I’m not good at instruments or composition or anything. God bless.

Every time I think my weeks can’t get crazier, they do 😂 but I’m alright. Excited to do NOTHING on Saturday

Xoxo

P.S. I think it’s cute we’re both brown haired and brown eyed 💕

[starglow-xx]

hello! may i request headcanons for chuuya having a crush on someone who's dense? like he could ask them out in the most straightforward way possible and it would still go over their head?

yes, yes of course you may!

sorry this took so long! my computer was out of commission for abt a week (or two..??)

but this is also my birthday writing piece for chuuya!! (4/29/21) i even added a small drabble thingy in addition to the hcs for the occasion hehe

from where i am, it is about fifteen minutes past midnight so it’s officially chuuya day here!!

happy birthday chuuya i love you! you deserve the whole world and everyone is willing to fight tooth and nail to ensure your happiness! we love you! 💗💗

anyways, i hope you all enjoy this! i kinda had some writer’s block but it was still a lot of fun to write! there might be some mistakes, but i’ll scan over it again later. reader is gender neutral! have fun!

chuuya having a crush on a dense! reader

nakahara chuuya x gn! reader

im cackling somebody help him

he’s frustrated bc you can’t take a hint or a thousand but he can’t even be mad bc he’s whipped

“look at you all dressed up today, wanna go out later? my treat?”

“oh really? thanks chuuya-san! you’re such a nice friend. i’ll go invite the others right now, i’ll see you later!”

“...”

fast forward to later in the evening and he finds himself at a little restaurant with the black lizard + higuchi and akutagawa

sigh

in unison all of them go, “thank you for the meal chuuya-san!” (except aku and hirotsu are quieter & and gin just a nods hehe)

“no problem” (ꐦ ´͈ ᗨ `͈ )

gin only pats him on the back in sympathy

he spends a lot of time trying to think of ways to make it absolutely and undeniably clear that he has feelings for you

he always fails

“(y/n) i like you”

“i like you too chuuya-san”

“really?”

“mhm”

“t-then will you—”

“you’re a really great friend! and superior too”

“...nevermind”

“oh were you saying something?”

“nah, just forget about it”

tachihara is laughing in the corner of the corridor

dont worry, chuuya made sure to get back at him

chuuya’s been pinning after you for years and frankly, his failed attempts to woo you has lead everyone to the breaking point

and i mean everyone

yes, even aku

hell even dazai

but dazai also thinks it’s funny, so he doesn’t mind all that much

okay bye bye dazai-san this headcanon set isn’t abt you rn

PLEASE EVERYONE FEELS SO BAD FOR HIM

they knew even if he kissed you, you still might not get it

so they decided to help him

super secret mission get chuuya and (y/n) together is a go!

they’re still working on a proper mission name, don’t mind them

they had a super secret strategy meeting!

you can bet your ass that they nearly got nothing done

akutagawa & kaiji weren’t much help, neither was higuchi, mori, or elise

tachihara nearly got killed for a thoughtless comment

“just tell them chuuya-san!”

“i already fucking did you ass!”

gin, hirotsu, and kouyou were the most helpful !!

hirotsu and kouyou both agreed on the idea that chuuya should try courting with bouquets of flowers instead of flat out asking you bc they knew you found them pretty

(even if you don’t identify as a female, flowers are for everyone no matter gender or sexuality! so let’s normalize giving flowers to everyone <33 )

gin didn’t speak but she used cards to communicate

everyone knew that you weren’t stupid (you wouldn’t have survived in the mafia if you were) but they did know that you were only stupid when it came to all this lovey dovey stuff

i mean, if chuuya gave you flowers every so often, there’s no way that you wouldn’t piece it together at some point

right...??

but kouyou assured him that even though you wouldn’t get it right away, you’d appreciate the gestures and that he’ll stand out more

she even said that if someone gave her flowers, she would appreciate it, whether or not she reciprocated their feelings

it takes guts to be so up front with your feelings after all

gin and hirotsu only nodded with her explanation

once again, this only provoked a reaction out of tachihara

“what do you know gin? i get the old man and kouyou-san, they’re grown, but you? what do you know abt courting? or flowers? what are you a girl?”

akutagawa choked on his cough, higuchi on air, and on the other side of yokohoma at the ada, dazai is cackling

yes, dazai somehow placed a listening device onto chuuya’s hat and was listening in

don’t ask how, it’s dazai

“DAZAI GET YOUR BANDAGED ASS OFF THE COUCH AND STOP LAUGHING”

anyways

the next day, chuuya did what was barely discussed and for once, things actually started to look up

until they started look to down again

at first, it actually looked like you understood his intentions after he gave you a bouquet of flowers

literally everyone was leaning against the opposite hallway you two were in and then they got excited !!

especially chuuya !

but then your expression sort of changed...??

and then in their heads they simultaneously went, “oh no”

they knew that expression

it was very familiar when you tended to friend zone chuuya

but boy let me tell you what you said next made them facepalm and or make their jaws drop

“ah, so you really are friend zoning me huh chuuya-san; what a shame, i really did like you”

LEMME TELL YOU WHEN I SAY THAT CHUUYA WAS DISTRESSED I MEAN HE WAS DISTRESSED

you liked him??

him of all people??

he wasn’t complaining, no of course not, but he still couldn’t believe it

but that wasn’t what he was really focusing on right now

what in any form or language did it say he was friend zoning you?!

flower language apparently

chuuya chose to buy the bouquet of yellow roses, pink carnations, and yellow carnations bc he thought you would appreciate the brighter colors, and so that you’d remember them better (because remembering them, meant remembering him)

but ooh boy

altogether, they meant the exact opposite message he wanted to send

someone help him pls

“you see chuuya-san, yellow roses mean friendship, pink carnations mean gratitude, and yellow carnations mean rejection; sooo in a nutshell, these pretty much say ‘thank you for being my friend, but im rejecting you”

no one can tell if tachihara is crying or wheezing

and dazai is having the time of his life

yes, he started listening in on him again

and chuuya is just stunned

like speechless and unmoving stunned

is he just bad at this whole courting/dating thing?? it’s only been one day and of it and somehow he was the one doing the rejecting??

“thank you for the flowers chuuya-san, i’ll be going now; i’ll make sure to let this affect our friendship. i’ll see you tomorrow!”

you passed by the not so subtle group of people

“tachihara-kun..?? are you alright?”

just for context, he was leaning his forehead against the wall using his forearm

again, it was hard to tell whether he was crying or wheezing

“i-im okay (y/n)-san...i think c-chuuya-san has it worse than me”

“...okay..?”

BACK TO CHUUYA

he’s still frozen poor baby

but it’s okay bc after like 5 more seconds he’s chasing you down the hallway you were walking in

kouyou, with a knowing smile on her face, ushers everyone away towards the opposite direction

she received some whines (ahem, tachihara and mori) but silenced them by summoning golden demon

but it’s okay

if they run fast enough, they can see what happens through the security cameras

chuuya caught up with you and tried to explain everything but he was exhausted

emotionally, physically (bc since when did you walk that fast??), and generally just tired with the whole situation

he just wanted to call you his; was that too much to ask??

as explosive as he can be, he can be calm and collected too

and he really did try to be that way as he talked with you but it was very difficult at the moment

the dumbfounded and confused look on your face his face twitch with annoyance and his heart started beating faster bc god you were cute

BUT THATS BESIDES THE POINT RIGHT NOW

thank goodness after what seemed like years, you finally somewhat understood what happened

you didn’t understand completely but it was something

The two of you stood in the middle of the unusually empty hallway facing each other, you with the bouquet still in hand. It was quiet as you and Chuuya assessed the situation.

You looked at him skeptically and he stared right back you with his gorgeous blue eyes.

“...So you do like me Chuuya-san??”

“Yes”

“And you were trying to court me just now, not friend zone me??”

“Yes”

You got most of your questions out of the way, but there was something that you’ve been wondering about for quite a while.

“...So you’re not gay for Dazai-san??”

“Yes, im not wait—GAY FOR DAZAI?? THAT MACKEREL??”

Chuuya did a double take. What in heavens name made it seem like he liked that suicidal maniac?? Why would he choose him if he had you?

Like he would choose him anyways; or ever consider him as a possible romantic partner.

“Oh, so you are?”

“NO! I SAID I LIKED YOU DIDN’T I?”

“Well yeah, but I thought you liked Dazai-san too. As annoying as he is, he can be quite charming—”

He was out of patience at this point (nope definitely not because you were talking about Dazai who told you that?) and just decided to kiss you.

You immediately melted into the kiss and kissed him back with the same amount of love and feeling.

Letting the bouquet fall to the ground, you wrapped you arms around his neck and his put his on your lower back and brought you closer to him. After a few more moments, the two of you broke apart for air.

The two of you, slightly out of breath, leaned your foreheads against each other and just basked in each others presence.

Chuuya looked into your (e/c) eyes and asked you just a little bit above a whisper, “Now do you get my intentions and feeling?”

You blinked at him before breaking out into a grin, “Hmm I’m not sure; do you wanna do that again Chuuya?”

The red head only blinked back at you before rolling his eyes, a smile present on his handsome features, his heart fluttering at you using his name with the honorific.

“Dumbass”

Smiling cheekily at him, you pressed a kiss on his cheek and started dragging him towards the lobby to take a walk around the building perimeter, knowing that the two of you can’t be too far from work.

The way down to the lobby was mostly in comfortable silence until you said something that made Chuuya want to bash his head against the wall.

“You know, you could’ve just told me you liked me Chuuya. It’s not like I would’ve said no.”

Once again, as the rest of the more power mafia members watch from security cameras, it is hard to tell whether Tachihara is crying or wheezing of laughter.

omake !!

The two of you just started making your way around the building when suddenly a very familiar voice came from Chuuya’s prized hat.

“Chuuyaaaa!! It was about time you stopped being a chicken, Chibi!”

Removing his hat from his head, he started yelling at it not knowing exactly where the listening device was planted.

“TEME! HOW DID YOU—”

“And (y/n)! I would congratulate you, but I think I would rather offer you my condolences. Why him?! He’s just a slimy slug. OOH OOH how would you like to join me in a double suicide?! A shame it won’t be a lover’s suicide but it’ll annoy Chuuya so I think it’ll be worth it! ”

“YOU—”

“And please don’t kiss while I’m listening in. You made me lose my appetite! And it was such a shame! I was eating crab using Kunikida-kun’s money! Do you know what you’ve cost me?!”

“DAZAI YOU PIECE OF—”

“Ah! Kunikida-kun is here! I have to go!”

You can hear something is the background that vaguely sounds like, “DAZAI YOU WASTE OF BANDAGES STOP USING MY MONEY”

“DAZAI DON’T YOU DARE LEAVE IM NOT DONE WITH—”

*Click!*

The click sound from the hat revealed that Dazai disconnected.

Chuuya twitched and glared furiously at his signature hat hating that the voice he hated the most came out of it.

“Aww, I didn’t get to talk to Dazai-san”

Chuuya whipped his head towards you, a look of mock (or real) betrayal showing on his features.

You laughed at him before taking the hat out of his hands and placing it on his head.

He shyly looked away before muttering a thanks making you smile wider. Just as the two of you were about to start walking, a small explosion erupted from his hat; it was likely that Dazai made the listening device self destruct.

“DAZAI YOU BASTARDD”

At the Armed Detective Agency, a certain suicidal maniac hid from the wrath of his current partner as he thought about the wrath his old one.

“Hmmm I wonder if Chuuya would finally stop wearing his ugly hats if I blow all of them up...”

as always, reblogs and shares are appreciated! i hope you all stay safe! and just in case nobody told you they loved you today, i love you! you are enough! <3

writing belongs to me! please do not plagiarize! the reblog button is there for a reason

[x0401x]

Violet Evergarden Short Story

Please feel free to message me about possible corrections. If you can, consider supporting the creators by purchasing the official releases. In case anyone is feeling generous: Ko-fi | PayPal. ( ╹◡╹)っ’･*

The ingredients that led me to my current self were:

A teaspoon of queen’s pride.

Two tablespoons of love for my husband, a one-sided feeling now required.

Plenty of tears shed in a forest capital where I had no supporters.

Mix the tear batter with the stubbornness of a princess from the country of white camellias, then put it in the oven. Once it bakes until it becomes tough enough to give one a hard time cutting it even with a knife, it is done. No one can tear a bite off it so easily.

My adult self was reborn this way.

But then, what about her? I wondered what kind of adult my favorite girl was by now.

Just as I was curious about this, good news arrived.

   The Queen and the Auto-Memories Doll

   The marauder came around the time when the red roses were in full bloom.

Said doll, whose lustrous golden hair fluttered in the wind, had jewel-like blue eyes that nailed people down. A dignified young woman, intimidated by nothing. That was the kind of marauder she was.

If I were to talk about my relationship with her, it would be a long story. If I were to explain it leaving out the many stories that happened between us, I would probably say that she was a key figure who became the mediator of my love story in the past, as well as an Auto-Memories Doll engaged in the ghostwriting business at a certain famous postal company.

Although she was the kind of girl who seemed like she could live in solitude forever, she was different when she appeared before me.

“It has been a while, Lady Charlotte.”

I had invited her into our kingdom as a guest of honor because I heard that she was taking a long vacation and traveling around the world – so the passage of time could change people this much.

“I will rush to anywhere that my clients desire...”

The girl, who used to be so ephemeral in the past, had grown up and brought a man to accompany her on the journey, so was it not fitting to call her a marauder? At the very least, she had opened an air hole in my unchangeable royal palace life.

“No, pardon me. This is Violet Evergarden on break from duty, Your Majesty, Queen Charlotte.”

I whispered with the dignified gaze and voice tone of a queen, “It’s been a long time, ghostwriter. No... Violet. Thanks for coming even though you’re on vacation.” I then fixed my stare on the man standing next to Violet.

My adorable ghostwriter possessed a beauty that shone distinctly even in within the palace, which congregated fine-looking women. Therefore, it would not be strange at all if she eventually had a deep relationship with some gentleman, but by no means could I tell if he had that sort of relationship with her.

He greeted me after Violet. Apparently, his name was Gilbert Bougainvillea.

“What’s the relationship between you two?”

As I asked straight to the point, Violet and Gilbert looked at each other’s faces.

Violet then opened her mouth, “He is my former superior officer.”

“So you are related through work.”

“Yes, but I am no longer registered in the military, so maybe I should say that he is my benefactor, whom I am on close terms with nowadays...”

“So you’re close to your benefactor... enough to go on a trip with him, huh.”

“Well...”

Perhaps unable to precisely define her relationship with him, Violet fell silent. But from this, I was able to catch the glimpse of a womanly shyness that I had the feeling I had gone through before.

“The word ‘benefactor’ alone indeed does not cover it.”

“Dear me.”

“I would like to use a more suitable word if there was any, but even I, who work with ghostwriting, do not know an appropriate term for it...”

“Hum, Violet, I’m sorry.”

“‘Reverence’ is not enough and ‘adoration’ might be too trivial...”

“I’m sorry; you can stop there. He’s also embarrassed. You don’t want other people to ask too much about those things, right? It’s under development, isn’t it?”

He smiled, seeming a bit awkward. He was an adult man but looked slightly childish when smiling.

——Isn’t he a fine man?

Hair the color of dusk, blessed physique and virile facial traits. There was some elegance in him. His looks had a male allure that was capable of exhilarating the courtiers of the palace.

——Such a pretty emerald iris.

He was a stunning man. The look in his eye was grievous and had a darkness to it. A mysterious man with an eyepatch. The hardships that he had been burdened with until now oozed out of him. His scent was different from the one of the palace’s knights, but I could feel a similar air coming from him. His build seemed reliable, which looked even more remarkable as he stood next to Violet. I wondered if he had not been quite the pretty boy in his younger years.

He appeared to be apart from Violet in age. I suddenly recalled that I had asked her in the past about what she thought of age gaps between men and women.

——Did she not say no back then because of her relationship with him?

I had many guesses, but I did not voice any of them. I was an adult now.

“Erm, there was an introduction before you came into the room, but I’m going to introduce myself again. I am Charlotte Abelfreya Fluegel. The queen of this country.”

I was Charlotte Abelfreya Drossel before. My lips were finally used to the greeting ever since my name had changed. Even so, I did not want Violet to call me a queen.

“Violet, you put the title of honor ‘Your Majesty the queen’ on me earlier, but you can refer to me in the same way as before. I want you to do that.”

“Is that not disrespectful?”

“It isn’t. I’m asking for it, after all.”

Silence.

“I will punish anyone who opposes to this. Got it, Violet?”

“Yes, Lady Charlotte.”

Right, that was better. After all, when you called me that, I could feel as if I had returned to the times when I was in my homeland where white camellias bloomed. I asked the same thing out of Mr. Bougainvillea, but he refused it due to it being discourteous. Well, this was our first meeting, so maybe there was no helping it.

   After that, Violet and I were left on our own. Mr. Bougainvillea took his leave, saying that we must have had things to talk about. I also drove all of the ladies-in-waiting out of the reception room and was at last actually able to breathe.

The suffocation I felt from my daily life in the royal palace did not come only from wearing a corset. When I thought that there were no longer any stares keeping watch on us, I made merry like a little girl.

“Violet.”

“Yes, Lady Charlotte.”

“Violet, Violet! You’ve become an adult, huh!”

“Yes, Lady Charlotte.”

We had first met when we were both girls, so when we reunited, I could feel as if we had gone back to those days. But I did not know if she, who was always expressionless, was happy about it, yet just when I thought this, Violet’s lips were faintly forming an arc.

——My, she laughed.

Much too surprised, I forgot about conducting myself like a queen and opened my mouth wide. “Violet! You...!” I touched her cheeks with both of my hands.

I should not be doing something like that to her, as she was a lady and no longer a girl, but I felt like confirming if such a natural smile was not my hallucination. I kneaded her cheeks pliably. Violet let me do as I pleased.

“Lady—Char—lotte—” Violet spoke, sounding like having her cheeks kneaded was inconvenient.

——How soft; so you had such soft cheeks? No, more importantly...

“Wh-Wh-What’s gotten into you? You’re the one who pinched your cheeks saying you couldn’t smile that one time!”

“My per—formance has im—proved.”

At first, I could not catch what she was saying very well. “My performance has improved”. After ruminating for the words in my head, I finally understood it.

“Huhu—hahaha!”

This mood. This sensation that almost felt like a toy doll was talking to me. I could actually feel that, yes, Violet was indeed in front of me.

Overjoyed, I let out a high-pitched laughter, just like a little girl. Then, I took Violet’s hand. I squeezed it tight, putting into it my sentiment of deep affection for her, the possessor of mechanical arms. “Hey, I’m truly happy to see you. Have you been doing well?”

“Yes. Lady Charlotte, you also appear to be in good health.”

“I became a bit of an adult too, right? How do I look?”

“Yes, you have become an adult woman.”

When I said that I was currently pregnant, Violet blinked, and then told me to “please sit down”. Her attitude was as if she were protecting me almost like a knight. But I shook my head. I invited her to a stroll. Once I told her that walking a little was best for a mother’s body, as expected, she offered her arm in a knightly manner and escorted me.

That part of her had not changed.

“My husband is in the middle of government affairs, but you should be able to see him tonight.”

As there was also the fact that I was carrying the child of King Fluegel, I had changed residences from the royal palace and was resting in the royal villa for now. A garden spread out outside of the villa, which was a good place for a walk.

In Fluegel, nicknamed the Forest Kingdom, both the royal palace and the land surrounding it were enclosed by trees and green meadows. The garden also had a feel unlike that of Drossel, its atmosphere somewhat idyllic. If I were to describe just the environment, I would say that it was a nice place for children.

“A dinner party... is too ceremonious, so I’m thinking of just having a banquet in the royal villa. You’ll stay over, right? I also want you to meet Lord Damian...”

Violet’s eyes went left and right, as if searching for vestiges of Mr. Bougainvillea, who was nowhere to be found. “If that person says it is all right...”

He was supposed to be having a tour around the palace’s interior with the chamberlain by now. I had told the latter to convince him to agree, so there would likely be no problem. The chamberlain was a capable person.

“Please. Just one day is fine. One day is fine, so... Violet, I want to spend it with you.”

“Will you not be bored in my company?”

“No way. If I were, I wouldn’t have told you to ‘come here because I want to see you’.”

“Are you still unused to life here?”

“Yeah, I have clashes from the smallest to the biggest things. It’s gotten better in comparison to the beginning of my marriage, but in the end, I’m all alone in this country. It’s probably hard for you to understand how happy it makes me to be able to see a face I know... but I’m really glad.”

Hearing these words, Violet made a face that looked like she was giving it a thought. “Will you not summon Madam Alberta?”

Alberta was the woman who had influenced my life the most – the courtier who had acted as my foster mother. She was also in the position of chief of the ladies-in-waiting, so she could not go so easily to the princess who had married off to a different country.

“I’d like to. Lord Damian is making sure that she’ll come if my child is born safely. After fulfilling my role as a queen, I can finally... finally ask for what I want.”

“So it could be said that the more valuable the person’s circumstances, the more inconveniences they face.”

“Yeah. Besides, Alberta probably doesn’t want to be away from her country...”

“It did not seem like it to me. Though this is my own speculation.”

“Is that true...? Hey, speaking of which, you were in Drossel before coming here, right? Why did you go see Alberta before coming to me? Was it a geographic issue? Did you have plans to come here?”

“No, we did not have plans to come to Fluegel.”

My mouth distorted. Were my feelings unilateral? That was what I thought, but as she added, “It would be a problem if civilians carefreely came to visit someone from the royal family”, I was at a loss for words. It was just as Violet said.

She said with a face that feigned ignorance at my complicated maiden heart, “In a way, there is a reason. Madam Alberta once interceded for me to take the job of private tutor of a certain lady from the nobility, so I also went to the royal palace in order to report it to her.”

“My, you’d started doing that kind of work?”

“No... she... that person was an exception.” Perhaps remembering this person, Violet looked into the distance for a bit and then closed her eyes. “After that, too, she would introduce jobs to me whenever possible... so my company’s president also told me to express my gratitude if I ever had a chance to see her. Even if I had not... I wanted to show Major – my companion – the beauty of that country.”

“Is that so...? I’m happy. The beauty of my country is my pride.”

“Yes. I could not have thought that we would come here as per Madam Alberta’s arrangement.”

“S-Sorry.”

The courtier Alberta was once my wet nurse, and to Violet, she was a work intermediator. Alberta had persuaded Violet, saying that, since she had come nearby, she probably wanted to see me.

Having received the news about Violet’s visit from Drossel, I had sent a carriage from Fluegel to pick her up without thinking about her convenience. As a result, I had hindered the vacation that this much-demanded Auto-Memories Doll probably was finally able to have... as well as the time that she was getting to spend with her significant other.

Calling her over in a way that bordered forcefulness might be an arrogant conduct coming from the royal family.

“Violet... did you not want to come to Fluegel?”

“That is not the case.”

“Really...?”

“Yes; it is the country that Lady Charlotte married off to, after all. I had interest in it.”

“Thank you... I’m not free, so... I can’t go anywhere on my own... I had no choice but to bring you here.”

As I said this, Violet nodded with an “I am aware”.

   Afterwards, we talked about what happened in the meantime that we had not seen each other. About how Lord Damian and I were able to properly fall in love with each other after marrying. About how Violet had managed, through ups and downs, to find the most beloved master that she had been looking for. About the fact that he was Mr. Gilbert. About her wish for two of them, in the life that they would have from now onward, to go to the countries that she had visited as an Auto-Memories Doll, because she wanted him to become acquainted with them as well, even if it took some time. We talked about such things quiet and lightly.

I was so happy for being able to have this kind of conversation with her that I could not help myself.

“Speaking of which, Lady Charlotte, it seems you are funding an orphanage.”

“You think it’s hypocritical of me?”

“No. To tell the truth, a girl who is being taken care of over there is supposed to work with us in the future.”

“Eh, is that so? I... built that orphanage because I was influenced by you.”

We opened our eyes wide at each other’s information, hearts pounding, and then broke into giggles.

Aah, when was the last time that I had been so free of wariness with someone? It was really fun. How many more times would I get to see her like this?

“By the way, how’s the Auto-Memories Doll that was with Lord Damian during the Public Love Letters doing?”

Even though we had barely just started chatting, I suddenly thought about that. It was a bad habit of mine. I was quick to picture the end of things.

“She is doing well. It seems she is... always having fights with her lover, but...”

Life was short. Many things passed in a blink of eye.

“Is that okay?”

I spent my time burying down the intervals in which I could not see her.

“It is. Our company is the same as ever. Everyone is doing fine.”

Even so, we could not be together forever.

We would spend time together today and tomorrow, and once we parted, there was a possibility that we would never meet again. After all, I was a queen and Violet was an Auto-Memories Doll. A woman who could go nowhere and a woman who could go anywhere. As one would expect, our social positions were different.

——Aah, Charlotte, stop thinking, I reprimanded myself. Although this moment was unbearably fun, I was conscious of its end, which caused my chest to tighten somewhat.

I was together with Violet in the time when red roses blossomed. The hours we spent talking in the garden would probably become irreplaceable to me. I might recall it over and over.

——This might not be the case for Violet, though.

Friendships could also be unrequited. That was exactly why this moment was both too happy and too painful.

“Lady Charlotte.”

Having my name called, I frantically raised the corners of my mouth, which had gone down before I realized. A queen had to be always smiling elegantly, as to not make the subjects uneasy.

“Wh-What is it?”

Even though I excelled at faking a smile, for some reason, I could not do it properly right now.

“What is the matter?”

I would end up accidentally showing her my original, anxious self when she was in front of me.

“Nothing; it’s just that my heart is filled to the brim.”

Being overcome with emotion at the irreplaceable “present” out of the blue in the middle of a conversation and feeling sad about it was incomprehensible and nothing but a bother to the other person.

“I simply... thought that I was indeed lonely.”

Violet. I might be no more than a character that had not even amounted to a single page of your life.

“I really wanted to see you.”

But you had played a huge role in mine, so you would always be in my heart.

“Because I’d been remembering the things you said to me whenever I was having a hard time.”

Whenever I was sad and about to burst into tears, your face would appear in my heart and you would speak to me.

“Weird, isn’t it? If you think about it, we aren’t that close. I’m just a client to you anyways. Just one person in a crowd. But...”

But I had never forgotten the things you had done for me.

“But, y’know...”

You had supported my love. Allowed me to be selfish. Told me that I was a crybaby. You were the only girl about as old as me that I could be myself when interacting with.

“But...”

To me, you were my girlhood itself. A symbol of the time when I lived in Drossel, fell in love and was simply Charlotte. It was almost as if I were embracing my child self.

Could you tell? My chest was hurting a lot. What a pain. Why did people become like that when growing up?

“I like you.”

Why did we think that these moments in which we became weak were so bad?

“Lady Charlotte...”

In that instant, Violet came closer, and just when I wondered if she was going to kiss me, she reached out a hand.

“‘I want to stop your tears’.”

And then, the tip of her finger scooped a drop of the tears that were about to overflow.

“If I am certain, I had once told you this, Lady Charlotte.”

I was a bit dumbfounded. I did not think she still remembered that.

“Are you still a crybaby...?”

When she gently asked me that, I felt like one more tear would leak. I suppressed my eyes in a panic. “No way I’d be. I’m a queen already.”

“Yes.”

“I have Lord Damian too. I’m his wife.”

“Yes.”

“I’ve become strong. I... got a bit weak just now, but it was a temporary thing.”

“Yes, I am aware.”

Aah, you. Violet.

“Lady Charlotte, if you like...”

You were extremely insensitive sometimes.

“...if you ever have a chance to travel to Leidenschaftlich...”

And cruel.

“...by all means, do call me. I will hasten to join you.”

But kind enough to make me cry.

“I want to show you that city one day...”

You had no idea that you were saving me with your casual statements.

Before I noticed, Violet was offering me a handkerchief. I accepted it, and while hiding my crying face but making at least my voice sound all right, I said, “I’ll go; I’ll definitely go there one day. And when I do, show me around!”

Violet replied, “Yes” with a tone that indicated she was probably smiling.

“Definitely.”

Surely, even if I managed to meet Violet again someday, the same thing would happen. It was precisely because we could not see each other that I would be both happy and pained once I managed to see her.

“Of course. If it suits you, I can draw up a written oath... Ah, Lady Charlotte. Major is back.”

The contents of our conversations had changed from before. We were no longer talking about one-sided love letters. I would not sulk or curl up on my bed in front of her.

“No way; I can’t show him a face like this.”

Still, it did not matter how many years passed.

“You look beautiful.”

It was not as if my feelings would be gone.

——We were able to meet today like that. Even if we part ways tomorrow, you’ll surely be on a voyage somewhere around the world.

“Aren’t my eyes red?”

“No, Lady Charlotte.”

When I thought about that, I started looking forward to it. Should I try to write her a letter telling her that I wanted to see her by the time that the tales of our journeys had piled up?

“Your Majesty, may I also join Violet?”

“Of course; here, sit down.”

I had already decided on an opening phrase for it.

“Major, I was told a wonderful story. Is it all right to talk about it?”

“Aah, tell me, Violet.”

“The orphanage that Lady Charlotte built is...”

   Dear Ms. Violet Evergarden, Are you doing well?

I want to see you.

[queenoftheworldisdead]

Homecoming part 2

Summary: Slow burn. You are forced to move back to your home town due to the pandemic. When your high school tormentors return to remind you why you never wanted to come back. This gets darker as it goes. I’m not a good writer folks sorry.

Warning: forced masturbation, groping

Any critiques to make me better are more than welcome.

Dark Steve Roger x black reader and [Dark Bucky x black reader comes in later], Cop AU

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4; Chapter 5

After the run in with Steve and Bucky you were overly nervous when you finally made it to the grocery store. Even with your mask on you felt as if eyes were on you. You kept your head low and shopped for your needs as quickly as possible.

When you arrived back home you parked and got to unloading everything by yourself. It took two trips of you waddling back and forth before you finished. All the while you felt your purse buzz, you knew who it was, but you didn't want to think about it.

Had he followed you to the store? It was as if he knew you were home by now.

*Buzz Buzz

Every buzz sending a cold bolt throughout your body. It had been years since you ran off to the city, but it was as if seeing you today rekindled a spark in him.

*Buzz Buzz

Grabbing your bag from the table you rifled through the purse to find the culprit. As you suspected it all came from the same unknown number.

MSG unknown number: Hey Spit Roast WELCOME HOME!

The nickname once again filling you with anxiety and dread

MSG unknown number: Did you miss me? MSG unknown number: I missed you. MSG unknown number: I'm so excited to spend time with you again

You didn't want to think about what he used to do, but as more messages came in the more flash backs flooded in. The memory of the terror and torment he bestowed on you. Throwing your phone back in your purse you try an sooth the knot in your stomach.

*Buzz Buzz

MSG Steve: *sent image[dick] MSG Steve: *sent image[dick] MSG Steve: *sent image[dick] MSG You: Please stop. Im trying to have dinner

After your plea Steve surprisingly stopped. You were able to start cooking in peace. Calling your uncle to the kitchen for dinner you both  sit and eat.

He didn't ask how you were, because he could tell by looking at you. He finished his plate while you just stared at yours. You hadn't even noticed he left the kitchen until you heard the sound of the t.v. turning back on. Snapping out of it you clean the kitchen before heading back to your room.

Throwing your bag on your dresser before laying out on the bed. You tried to control you're breathing, tried to push him out, but the memories of him were relentless. He was living rent free in your mind and there was no way to evict him.

*Buzz Buzz

You knew the reprieve wouldn't last. Sitting up you walked to the dresser to grab your discarded bag to retrieve the phone.

MSG Steve: Show me what's mine

He wanted to you to expose yourself to him. Refusing him wasn't an option.

Maybe if I send him some random girl from the internet.

You searched on your phone to find someone. It didn't take long to find a girl that kind of looked like you. Cropping it just right you could probably pull it off. Your heart was pounding hard in your chest as you readied yourself to press send.

Holding your breath you waited. Hoping he just might fall for it.  

*Buzz Buzz

MSG Steve: ☹️😡 MSG Steve: I know you Y/N don't play with me.

You fucked up. He did know you. He had remembered you. He had violated you so many times how could he forget. You tried to be slick and you blew it completely. Your hands trembled as you remembered how harsh he was to you when you didn't play right.

What little food you had didn't stay long as you dropped your phone and made a mad dash to the waste bin by your nightstand. As you emptied your gut you hoped that your uncle was too preoccupied to notice.

How after so many years was he still hell bent on tormenting you?

After a few more dry heaves you wiped your mouth with your sleeve. Staring at the phone from the floor. You heard another buzz and braced yourself for the consequences.

Rising to your feet you walk over to the bed and pick it up again. With a deep breath you read it.

MSG Steve: be ready at 7pm and wear a dress 😘 MSG Steve: nite!

*Bang Bang Bang

After a few minutes the front door swung open, your uncle filling the door frame staring Steve down. Both men visibly annoyed at the sight of each other.

"And to what do I owe the honor of your visit Steve?" Uncle Nick inquired.

"Tsk... Ha...its officer Rogers these Days Nick." Steve corrected with a smirk.

"It's General Fury last time I check my ranking" Uncle Nick parried.

Nick knew that Steve contributed to your grade school torment, though he never new the full extent. He did try to help you, tried to get them to stop, but he couldn't. You broke his heart when you skipped town, but he understood it was for the best.

"I'm here for Y/N" Steve huffed clenching his jaw.

"Oh really" he nodded, cocking a brow.

"Yes... really" his says, his mouth closes in a tight line, taking one step forward. Puffing out his chest taking a step forward, crossing his arms.

"Why don't you just go away and leave her alone?"

"Unc!" You shout from the kitchen.

"I don't want anyone else to have her" He answered Fury unabashed.

"Unc, it's fine" you say walking up from behind him, trying to wedged through the door and his body.

"You sure about this?" He asked in a hushed tone over his shoulder still blocking you.

Inhaling and sighing slowly you reply "yes."

Side stepping to let you pass you could feel his concern on your back as he watched you file out. Steve's face turns from stern to wholesome as you walked up to him. Placing a hand on your lower back you fight the urge to turn and run inside. Looking over his shoulder to Fury with a smirk as if he had just won a small victory over him. The sound of his chuckle prickled your skin as he led you down the walkway. Each step forward was harder than the next as approached the vehicle.  

Opening the passenger door for you it all of a sudden became hard to breathe. As you lower yourself to get inside your body started to tremble. When the door closed you felt almost suffocated. Your shaky hand reached for the seat belt as he walked around the car to the drivers side. Before he started the car you could tell he was looking at you, but you couldn't face him.

"I thought I told you to wear a dress?"

Instead you wore a pair of boot cut jeans, an oversized sweater and no makeup. You knew he would disapprove and you knew this bit of defiance would not go unpunished, but wearing a dress around Steve would be like showing red to a bull. You wanted to be covered from head to toe. Whenever he touched you your skin felt as if it were on fire, this small barrier of fabric would protect you for the time being.

"I don't have any" you lie as your body trembled. Hoping against hope he was too focused on the road to notice.

"Tsk Tsk Tsk we will have to change that" he said matter of factly as he turned on the radio.

Shifting your body to face the window you stare out at the changing land scape hoping the motion would settle your nerve. Steve rested his hand on the stick shift as he sped through the streets, but eventually found your thigh. At first you brushed him off, but every time he switched gears the hand would fall and squeeze your leg.

"You do that again and I will fuck you on the side of the road in the middle of rush hour." He spoke while keeping his eyes on the road. This time when his hand rested on your thigh you just  left it.

"You remember I asked you first. I wanted you. Remember? Mrs. Pepper's English class?" He chuckled lightly at the memory. Keeping his eyes on the road.

"We were kids Steve that was more than a decade ago" you say flatly facing the passenger window.

He didn't retort only allowing the radio to fill the silence as he drove on.

Freshmen year of High school in Mrs. Pepper's English class was were you first met Steve. The scrawny little boy way shorter than you sat directly behind you. Aside from the occasional passing back of paper assignments you two never really spoke.

Until one day he passed you a note while Mrs. Peppers back was turned. Unfolding the letter and hiding it between the pages of your book you read it. In it he poured out his heart to you.

He talked about the way you wore your hair, your smile and how he was most definitely failing the class because all he could think about was you.

It was sweet and the first ever confession you ever received. But you were interested in someone else at the time. So without a second thought you wrote him back a reply.

It wasn't until the sound of him tearing the note hit your ears that your heart sank. When you told your bestie, Peggy, about it she scolded you for being so cold hearted.

After the twenty minute drive he turned down a cul-de-sac. The car crawled to a stop in front of a white picket fence. Rolling into its driveway where a two story house sat. It looked like the American dream.

You looked at him with dread in your eyes. Steve was really taking you to see Peggy. He ignored your stare, putting the car into park and shoving the keys into his pocket.

"Peggy should be just about finished."  Smiling to himself as he smoothed out his hair in the rear-view mirror.

His hand fell from his hair landing on your lap again. You shifted uncomfortably as his hands trailed up your jeans. You squeeze your legs tightly together, but Steve doesn't stop until he reaches your crotch. You take your hands and try to push him away, but he doesn't budge.

"Don't" you say flatly. When Steve turned to look at you his sky blue eyes grew dark and you could see a familiar hunger in them. Turning to look at the house you hoped Peggy couldn't see or wouldn't walk out to greet her husband.

"Stop... please" your voice softly pleading. Tears threatening to fall as his finger dip low onto your crotch. The friction of his hand on your jeans sending a jolt throughout your body. When he felt the warmth between your legs he bit down on his bottom lip. Rubbing up and down the seam he watched as you fought against him and the wetness building between your thighs.

"Hope your hungry!" He spoke with a now chipper tone. His wholesome smile returning to match. Slipping his hand from you to unbuckled your belt. You sat there frozen as he then unfastened his own before pulling the strap back. Acting as if nothing had happened before he opened his door to get out.

You watched him from the car as he walked up to the porch, pulling out his house keys. You thought for a moment if there was something you could do or if there was somewhere to run, but you already knew the answer was no.

He waited at the door for you as you finally got out. Even outside of the car the air felt too thick to breathe. Making your way up the porch he open the door and you reluctantly followed.

"Honey I'm Home!" Steve sang out to his adoring wife who seemed to be busying herself about the house.

There was a shuffle in a distant room. A head popped out from around a door way and there you saw her, Peggy. She was breathtaking. She looked like Mary Tyler Moore from the Dick Van Dyke show you used to watch with your uncle. Her hair fixed, makeup immaculate and a dress that you would never cook in.

Running from the kitchen all smiles Peggy kissed Steve on the cheek.

"Oh honey I missed you" she embraced him as if he had been gone for centuries. "Who do you have..." her words stop short as she regarded you. Her smile almost falling when she sees your face.

"Hi Peg" you say meekly.

She looked to Steve as if to protest but something in her eyes told you she knew better of it.

"Oh Hi Y/N, Long time no see." She smiled brightly at you, but it was so fake and empty. Even after all this time she still held that grudge against you.

Peggy and you had been friends all through grade school. You two used to be inseparable, always having sleepovers, eating lunch together and bus rides home.

That was until she started dating Steve. The scrawny kid that had once passed you a note with his heart attached had changed drastically over the summer. Puberty had hit him like a ton of bricks. Coming back over six foot tall, muscles and newly appointed captain of the football team. If his name wasn't Steve Rogers you would've sworn he was someone completely different.  

Despite his new found popularity and budding relationship he made time for you. He started of small by playfully tripping you every time you passed him. Then your lockers lock would break almost everyday you couldn't prove it was him, but he would always be close by when you discovered the broken lock. Your uncles house on more than one occasion would be egged or tepeed leaving you to clean up the carnage.

It wasn't until the day of the incident that everything became truly clear. Immediately after that Peggy ended your years long friendship.  

*Knock knock

"That must be Bucky" Steve said while walking off to get the door. You wanted to say something to her in his absence, anything, but she just turned on her heals. Leaving you to go back to the kitchen from which she came.

As her body cut the corner to the kitchen you could hear the sounds of their voices. You wanted to vomit. You didn't want to be left alone with them. The closer they came the more rapid your heart beat inside your chest.

"Bucky why don't you help Peggy set the table while I give Y/N a tour." Steve suggested as he entered the dinning room.

Your back was facing them. Frozen in place as you waited for your school daze tormentors to make their moves.

"Sure Punk"

You could tell he was annoyed with the order, but complied as he always did. Making his way toward the kitchen he bumped your shoulder and you stumbled on to the chair placed at the dinner table.

Steve came behind you though he hadn't touched you yet the heat that radiated from his body electrified your skin. When he took you by the hand your stomach fell. Turning you around his heavy strides headed to the banister, ascending up the staircase you tried to pull back, but his hold on your hand was like steel. Engagement and marriage photos decorated the walls and as you passed each frame it felt as if Peggy's eyes watched you scornfully.

When he got to the top of the stair case he took a right. Opening a door that was less than a foot from the banister. Flicking a switch the room flooded with light.

"And this is the baby room" he said proudly.

The air smelled stale, as if it hadn't been aired out in ages. Stuffed animals stared out blankly from atop a shelf positioned high above a white crib. Next to it along the wall a window with sheer curtains, further over a changing table with a package of unused pamper sat on top. Opposite the changer a closet filled with baby clothes, shoes and a stroller still in its original packaging. The tiny room looked like it was ripped from an Instagram post.

He grabbed you're belly from behind and squeezed it tight.

Whispering in your ear. "I cant wait to hear the pitter patter of little feet."

A shivered rippled through your spine at the implication.  Pushing you to the center of the room you almost trip over the oval rug in the middle of the floor. The damn in your eyes broken instantaneously. Steve could hear your sobs, but he didn't care as.

"Steve.. Peggy is down stairs... please" Your voice was shaky, turning to look at him your face wet with tears. He stepped in further, but didn't close the door. You could tell by the look on his face what was coming next.

"Get into position"

It was a command you hadn't heard in ages, but it still filled you with the shame just the same as it had ever.

You sunk slowly to your knees. Unfastening your jeans, hooking your thumbs on your belt loops forcing them down past your thighs. Then you did the same with your panties.

From behind you could hear Steve start to rub the fabric of his jeans. He loved watching you, toying with you and playing with himself as you did as he commanded.

Lowering your head to the floor you keep your ass up facing him. With your head pressed to the floor you take one arm and snake it in-between your legs. Separating your folds with your fingers so that he could see your inner pink.

Holding there for a moment before moving on to massaging your clit. Rubbing it slowly with your finger tips. The sensation awaking your sex.

You wished you could press your face deep into the floor as you felt the pleasure build. Moaning as you feel yourself grow wet. Dragging your fingers down your slit you take two fingers and trace around your entrance. Slickening your fingers with the wetness of your cunt. Whimpering as you pressed them into yourself. Steve groaned at the sound of your pathetic noise and again at the sloppy wet sounds that you made as you pumped in and out of yourself.

He huffed out a deep grown. "Look at you, my Y/N, dripping wet like a little bitch in heat." He chuckled darkly.

You could feel yourself tightening and spasming, but you had to ask him for permission to cum. Steve always demanded it that way so you fought of the building climax.

"Are you close" he asked. You refused to answer only focusing on keeping yourself at bay.

The metallic jingle of his buckle could barely be heard, but the down ward pull of his zipper was louder as he step closer behind you. His jeans fell down his legs softly resting a top his shoes.

The sound of your sex became louder as Steve lowered himself to you.

"Show me Y/N, show me how you fuck yourself" he said as his hands glided up and down your ass.

"Look how needy you are for me, just for me"

Stroking himself with one hand while the other halted you. Holding your fingers inside you before slowly pumping them in and out.

"Do you want to cum for me" Steve asked whilst he readied himself behind you.

"Yes!" You begged and you could practically feel his elation.

*Whack

The loud sound rang out through the room.

"Yes what?" He wanted you to call him by his high school nickname.

"Yes Captain" You whimper.

"Mmmmmm... I missed that" he hummed. Steve pulled your hand away you braced for him to violate you.

"Steve! Honey!" Peggy's voice called out through the open door from down stairs.

The tip of his cock was aligned with your sopping cunt, but Steve hesitated sticking it in.

"Steve dinner is ready!" Peggy called again. This time a bit closer than before.

As his nails dug into your ass a pain shot through your body. The grip he had on you only increased in intensity as you could tell he was debating on what to do.

"Fuck" he hissed. The pressure of Steve pushing himself off your butt had you collapsing at his release.

"Coming doll" he shouted back at her.

You could hear him pulling up his pants as you lay motionless on the floor. You had to leave town again, but with no money you knew there came no hope.

The dinner was an awkward affair and if she knew what happened up stairs she wasn't letting on. At the round table Steve sat next to you while Bucky flanked your other side. Once seated Peggy brought out the food.  It all looked delicious there was a roasted dish no doubt at Steve suggestion, mashed potatoes, steamed vegetables and a chilled bottled of white wine.

Steve poured you a glass of wine almost to the brim.

"Um I don't drink Steve" you lie as he finishes pouring your glass, but of course he ignored you. When you were around him you wanted to have all your senses. As Peggy served the group Bucky conversed with Steve while you stared at the plate you had no apatite for.

"Are you dating anybody? Anyone missing you in that big city?" Peggy asked with a sly smile as she took her place on the other side of Steve.

"Oh you know how it is now a days" Looking from her to him when you answered. Hoping that response was vague enough to not stroke Steve's ire, but you didn't see any of his familiar tics.

"Well, James is single. Didn't you two have a little thing in high school" she looked over at him, but he was more focused on the plate in front of him.

Could she see the sudden tension on your face you wondered?

Steve's hand glided up in your lap, giving it a squeeze. He had done this before every time you were forced to have dinner at his parents house. When he squeezed again you wondered if she knew about those dinners too. How you both got caught fucking in his room by his mother or that awful time with his father. How each time his she demanded you to stay. As if she wanted you to see your future.

Bucky had distracted Peggy with some mundane conversation about shopping or cooking. You couldn't really focus as you bit down on your fork when he tried to go into your pants again.

Putting the utensil down you slip your hands from the top of the table to unbutton your pants.

Leaning over to your ear. "A dress would've made things a lot more fun."

Even with Peggy at the table he was embolden. Trailing a hand up your thigh while smiling in his wife's face. Before he got to close you turned your wine glass over, spilling the liquid all over Steve.

"What the hell" Steve cursed as he grabbed a table cloth to bolt himself.

"Oh gosh I'm sorry Steve it was an accident" you lied. "Um you know its getting really late maybe I should go home now"

"Fuck fine come on" he stood up still drying himself off.

"You're a mess Honey. I’m sure James could take her home" Peggy interjected sweetly to her husband.

Steve’s jaw tightened you could tell he didn't like the idea, but sighed and resigned his objections.

"Buck would you mind?" The smile plastered on his face was faker than a three dollar bill.

"Sure thing Punk" Bucky patted Steve on the back of his shoulder as he got up. Pushing your chair back you hurry to follow him, you could feel Steve's eyes on your back.

They didn't see you two to the door, but you could hear Peggy wishing you both a goodnight and safe drive.

"Why did you do that?" Bucky as he riffled for the keys in his pocket.

*Buzz Buzz

You hadn't even made it to the car before your cellphone went off.

MSG Steve: Im going to fuck you for hours tomorrow. So get some rest 😈

Chapter 3>>>

[ttttaehyungie]

sincerely, but no longer yours | chapter 5

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series masterlist

sincerely, but no longer yours | ex!kim namjoon x reader

genre | angst, smut, exes au

summary | It started as a coping mechanism as getting the words out provided a form of catharsis. But now you can’t stop writing these love letters, even with the knowledge that they’ll never get sent. After all, who writes love letters to their ex?

word count | 5.2k

chapter rating | 18+

warnings | angst, smut (but it’s angsty smut lksjdflk help), nipple play, dry humping, alcohol consumption, someee intense jealousy

a/n | FIRST OF ALL im so sorry this is so incredibly late lskjdflkjs life has been extremely busy for me 😪 but it’s here!!!! thank you to everybuddy who’s been waiting patiently for this 🤧🤧 but i think this is one of the most angsty chapters of the series soooo 🙃

Namjoon’s an expert at avoiding uncomfortable topics, even if they’re massively serious. It’s something you absolutely hated and it was the cause of many arguments in your previous relationship, and perhaps was even the ultimate cause of your breakup.

But right now, you’re really beginning to understand the appeal.

The first time he swung by the museum for lunch after his birthday celebration - a paper bag in hand filled with bagels still warm and toasty from the store on the corner that you adore - you were caught entirely off guard.

Your mind jumps to the unread messages sitting in your texts and you regret ignoring them. Not because the guilt had hit you, but because maybe if you had been contactable, you would have received a heads-up that he was coming by.

Some might call it selfish, but you prefer to call it self-preservation.

To be fair, it’s not like you were going to leave them unanswered forever. You just needed space to collect your thoughts and make sense of your confusing emotions first, lest you begin the conversation prematurely and drag Namjoon down into the dizzying depths of your current state. As it is right now, your thoughts are like nodes floating in a decontextualized void, the web still unformed because you haven’t had the time to grapple with everything yet.

But here he is, inspecting the cross-section of each bagel Soo-eun pulls out of the bag, trying to identify which is which. Yeri’s at his side, gushing about how great the bagels from this place are. The three of them are crowded around the paper bag that sits on the wooden bench, the paint peeling from the way it’s been bleached by the sun in the museum’s outdoor area. Here he is at your workplace. With your friends. You can’t ignore him now, not without rousing your friends’ suspicion.

But what you can ignore is the issue.

It’s not the time nor the place to talk about this anyway. The atmosphere is warm and light, carrying traces of last night’s celebratory mood. The lunch treat is Namjoon’s way of appreciating the surprise you guys organized for him last night. And there’s a bagel stuffed full of salty sweet ham and sticky melty cheese waiting for you to sink your teeth into. Really not the time for serious conversations at all.

So when Namjoon’s eyes search yours, all wide and probing, as you step in to grab your share, you simply smile and thank him, before slinking away to join Soo-eun on the next bench. Not too far - barely five steps away - but far enough that it gives you space to breathe. Even if Namjoon notices your attempts at escaping, he doesn’t have time to call you out on it. Not when you slyly shoot Yeri a wink. Seamlessly, she catches the cue and sits herself down on the bench, tugging at his arm. For once, you welcome Yeri flirting with Namjoon.

“Let’s eat! I’m starving,” she says.

You don’t miss the way Namjoon’s gaze flickers between you and Yeri, but you ignore it and take a generous bite of the bagel in your hands.

“Mm, so good,” you say, and turn to Soo-eun. “Don’t you miss the days before this place got really popular?”

“No, because you and Yeri insisted on going there every day. I can only ingest so many bagels a week.”

“____ hasn’t changed one bit.” Namjoon chuckles. “This time in middle school, she ate tater tots every single day for three weeks straight. She had to be banned for a week.”

“Are you weaponizing my middle school past against me?” you ask amidst your friends’ laughter. “Too bad. I don’t regret it for a second. Tater tots are too delicious to regret.”

Lunch falls back into the easy rhythm of lighthearted jibes, the kitchen debacle receding for now.

Procrastination is a real bitch of a habit to kick. As soon as one reason to put it off expires, your brain churns out another two in its place like a modern-day Hydra.

As for Namjoon? Well, you’re not surprised when he makes no moves to initiate the difficult conversation. After all, you’re adopting his bad habit.

Eventually it gets to the point where you might as well not talk about it at all. Everything’s going fine so far without it. Or as fine as it can be with this beast looming in the backdrop.

You know you need to just get this damn conversation over with. But you can’t. Not till you figure out what exactly is going on with your emotions. Without it, there’s no way you can cauterize the wounds and invalidate your excuses for what they are -- excuses.

It’s not that you haven’t tried. But it’s presenting itself as a real Herculean effort. Mulling it over has you tossing and turning in bed, only leaving you with a headache and a steadily growing desperation. It’s desperation enough that you leave the comfortable warmth of your bed to sit at your desk, shivering as you pen the familiar words once again.

Dear Namjoon,

The words flow in their usual, unrestricted manner. Before, it had been like a dam breaking, the tight restraint that was normally kept on your emotions finally released and the wave of emotions gushing out till it reached a peaceful equilibrium. But now, your emotions are just a whirlpool and your words you pen mimic its spiralling, chasing your thoughts in endless loops.

You’re not over him. But so what? It’s not like getting together is an option. Not when he hasn’t grown out of one of the major things that caused the end of your previous relationship. And not when you haven’t even talked that out, if you ever will.

So what can you do now? Kicking him out of your life will mean having to deal with the loss that his absence will bring again. Going back to pretending the other doesn’t exist will mean dancing around each other again every time you bump into each other in this too small city. And with the way your social circles are intertwined now, that would mean a bunch of explaining to do.

But having him close yet holding him at arm’s length? Walking the narrow margin that is being friends with your ex? A misstep in either direction would be torturous but inevitable - too close and it’s alarming, but too far and it’s a painful reminder that he’s not yours.

Far from the illuminating effect you were hoping it would have, your letter to Namjoon only leaves you deeper in confusion. You throw your pen down. Giving up, you fold the paper up. Sealing the letter in an envelope doesn’t bring the same sense of relief it did before. The Hydra remains unslain.

And so the problem gets shoved away - the same treatment the letter gets as it’s roughly tossed into the desk drawer - into the same corner of the recesses of your mind that your breakup resides in.

You know that Namjoon’s confused. Heck, you are too. It’s a strange dance the two of you are involved in, caught between the compulsion to continue yet knowing the risks it bears. Neither of you are bold enough to take the lead. And so this strange stasis drags on as it has for weeks now.

It’s as if the kiss unearthed something in him. Actually no, it’s unearthed something in both of you. And the tension - the fucking tension - is unreal. The tells are so obvious that you wonder how neither Yeri nor Soo-eun have said anything about it yet. There’s certainly no subtlety in the way his eyes linger on your lips in the middle of conversations that you wonder if he’s even aware he’s doing it.

And when it’s just the two of you? It’s infinitely worse.

It’s hard to blame him. Touch has always been your love language and Namjoon knows it. Physical touch wasn’t just a thing of your previous two-year relationship. It was a thing of your decades of friendship too, the little touches so casual and almost subconscious. Rekindling your friendship without them had taken intentional effort.

You’re not sure who started it. Maybe both of you just fell back into it, the casual little touches slipping their way back in. But what’s not casual at all is the way your heartbeat goes erratic at the most simple of gestures. The way he blithely sweeps the crumbs from your lunch off your lap. The slightly too long side-hug he holds you in, the warmth of his arm around you permeating through the layers you wear and has you simultaneously freezing up while also turning your insides to goo. But it isn’t overtly romantic either.

At least, that’s the excuse you give yourself when the comfort of his touch gets too tempting and you end up succumbing to it. The familiarity of it all makes you feel like you’ve finally arrived home. As if you’ve been on this long, arduous journey and you’re finally here. You get to drop the heavy backpack and rest now.

But the voice of rationality in you tells you this wrong wrong wrong. You’ve got to get out of here.

And that’s how you end up here. White-knuckled grip tight on the edges of the sink as you stare yourself dead in the eyes in the bathroom mirror. The music outside thumps away albeit muted through the door to the ladies’. But the way your heart thumps has nothing to do with that.

Even without shifting your gaze, you can tell that your cheeks are slightly reddened and warm. You can feel it tingling. No, you don’t shift your gaze. It stays fixed on the intense stare that your reflection throws back at you like a challenge, the ferocity of it enhanced by the sharp eyeliner you’re wearing tonight, an uncharacteristic look for you.

Heck, this whole night is uncharacteristic.

You could take the easy route and blame it on Yeri. God knows she can be real persuasive - it’s why she’s excellent at her job. So getting you all out to the club on a Friday night to celebrate nothing other than the simple joy that - c’mon guys, we’re all young and alive and free and tell me that’s not worth celebrating and I’ll fucking fistfight you right here and now even with my freshly manicured nails - is no feat for her.

Still, no one really expected your simple reply, tone nonchalant and eyes still glued to your work screen, “Yeah, I could use a night out.”

Soo-eun had remained silent but you could feel her stiffen slightly beside you. Yeri had been surprised too but more elated that she didn’t have to get through your usual ten solid minutes of whining and half-baked attempts at slithering your way out of it.

But back to the present. Your bodycon dress - one of the rare pieces that survived not just your college partying days but also the wardrobe purge that occurred when you had to downsize everything to fit into the tiny apartment that’s quintessential to city-living - expands with your chest as you take a deep breath. Gripping the hem where it sits mid-thigh, you yank it down slightly. It’s been a while since you’ve worn this dress. And while the younger, more risque version of you that was your college self had been enthralled by the daringness of the dress, your current self has to dig deep to muster up that same boldness.

Relenting as you realize that this is the limit to how much you can stretch the length of your dress, you let go and your fingertips unintentionally brush your thigh as it falls back to your side. It elicits a shudder, the sensation of your own fingers too close to the electrifying feeling of someone’s thumb skimming across it. It was electrifying enough that your brain finally powered up again, voice of rationality sending you skedaddling away, out of reach of his touch, and pathetically seeking refuge in the washroom.

You roll your shoulders back and shake your head, dispelling the thoughts. Standing upright, you look yourself in the eye again. You can do this. You’re going to go out there, and you’re going to have a good time with your friends. You’re going to have a good time with Namjoon. With a nod of affirmation, you turn and saunter your way back to the club with a confidence that has your chin firmly tipped upwards.

You push the door open and look for your friends. The sight that greets you immediately punctures your confidence and your steady posture falls limp.

It’s hard to miss her silvery dress - the dress you knew she would wear and the dress that your very own was meant to counter. It catches the light and grabs attention. And at this moment, it grabs your attention so you can witness Yeri standing between Namjoon’s manspread thighs as he’s perched on the barstool, her hands all over him.

Whatever puffed up confidence you’d had is knocked out of you with that sucker punch of a sight. You turn away, needing to look anywhere but at them.

And that’s when your line of sight falls on a curly-haired man, oddly familiar, and apparently someone you know since he’s waving to you.

“____, hey!” he yells over the music.

“Dong-In?”

He nods and smiles at you. “It’s been a while.”

“Wait.” You gasp. “I was supposed to get back to you on brunch, wasn’t I?” Damn. You’ve been so wrapped up with Namjoon that you totally forgot about Dong-In. “I’m so sorry, I’ve been really caught up with things.”

“It’s no biggie.” He shrugs boyishly. “The exhibition, right?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Sure, the exhibition. Let’s go with that.

“And nothing to do with…” he directs his gaze - and yours along with it - to none other than Namjoon who’s now drinking with Yeri.

Your gaze snaps back to Dong-In and his cheshire grin.

“Nah,” you feign a laugh. “He’s just a friend.”

“The hand he had on you sure didn’t look like just friends.”

“I said we’re just friends,” you snap, then gasp, taken aback by your own outburst. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“Nah, I should be the one apologizing. I hit a nerve there, didn’t I. D’you wanna talk about it?” His voice is warm and mellow and oh so inviting. And you very nearly give in.

But you can’t pull him into your problems. It’s not his burden to bear.

“Not really. But thanks, Dong-In.”

“That’s cool.” He nods, and relief fills you. This is what you’ve always liked about Dong-In. He’s chill. “Well since we’re here, wanna get buzzed?”

You laugh. “I won’t say no to that.”

The bar isn’t too far from where you are, and it doesn’t take long before the burn of alcohol is sliding down your throat. Picking up the conversation again, you have to admit, you’d forgotten how easy it is to talk to Dong-In. He’s got that effortless charisma and an easy sense of humor that you can vibe with. Things are simple with him. There’s no line to be tiptoed. Flirting - now that you’re no longer obtuse and you’re finally aware that he is indeed flirting with you - isn’t accompanied by guilt or fear.

And after weeks of this complicated situation with Namjoon, simplicity is what you crave.

“Hey, do you wanna dance?” you ask suddenly. Surprise colors his features for a moment but he laughs it off.

“Is the conversation boring you? You could have just told me to shut up if you wanted me to,” he jokes.

“No!” You laugh. “There’s just a good beat going and-”

“I’m just kidding. I’d love to.” He smiles and grabs your hand.

The two of you weave your way through the mass of gyrating bodies. Lightly buzzed, the fog and the strobe lights blurring everything around you other than your dance partner, you finally find the courage you’ve been searching for this whole time. Dong-In hasn’t been very subtle about checking you out all night, and it gives you that extra boost of confidence that’s finally quelled the antsy thoughts and calmed the fidgety adjustments to your dress’s hemline.

So when his hands find your waist, you step in a little closer and run your hands through your hair, shaking it out and finally letting loose as your hips rock to the pounding beat. Dancing with Dong-In is much like conversing with him- easy and simple fun with just the slightest tinge of excitement. As your hips sway together in languid synchrony, you catch a whiff of the slightly intoxicating combination of his cologne and the undertones of his own natural scent. You give in to the giddying sensation of his hands running lightly over your body and press in closer, eyes fluttering shut, and just feeling. It’s thrilling. It’s risque. It’s-

A solid grip on your wrist yanks you forward and stumbling into a hard chest.

His voice is gruff as he bites out his words, “Get your hands off her.”

“Namjoon?” you gape.

“We’re leaving.” His eyes fix on yours, steely and piercing. A shiver runs down your spine - in all your years of knowing him, you’ve never seen him like this. He tugs on your wrist once more. “Now.”

Dazed by this brand new persona, you don’t even get to say goodbye to Dong-In, just pulled along by the force that is a quietly fuming Namjoon. Everything happens so quickly that it’s all a blur until you’re in the Uber with him, silently clutching onto your purse as an anchor in this sudden whirlwind of events. The anger emanates off of him even in the dimly lit backseat.

“What the fuck?” you whisper, but the shock diminishes the level of conviction in your voice.

He turns to you, the same hardness still in his gaze. “I should be the one asking that.”

“What?!” you snap. In your peripheral vision, you see the Uber driver jump slightly. Lowering your tone, you hiss, “What gives you the right?”

“What gives me the right?” he echoes incredulously, scoffing and turning away from you to face forward instead as he rolls his eyes. “This is ridiculous.”

The car slows to a stop and you recognize your apartment building. You scramble to get away from him. But it seems your confrontation is far from over. Namjoon unbuckles his own seatbelt to follow you.

Terse silence sits between you, the aggravated stomping of your feet as you climb the stairs the only thing that fills the sound.

You turn sharply round the corner, stalking off to your apartment door. “You don’t have to escort me y’know, I’m perfectly capable of getting home by myself.”

“Really?” He folds his arms and leans on the wall next to your door. “It’s hard to trust you when you go off getting drunk and throwing yourself at a random stranger in the club.”

“Is that what the problem is?” You finally ram the key in, and the click as it unlocks is as harsh as your tone. “Sorry to break it to you, but I have a life apart from you. He’s no stranger. His name is Dong-In, he’s Yeri’s friend, and he’s a great guy.”

You shove the door open. Your heels get kicked off and left haphazardly at the entryway, shoe cabinet ignored.

“Wow, some great guy he is,” Namjoon slams the door shut and his shoes get discarded off his feet in the same fashion, “drunkenly feeling you up in a club.”

“Fuck!” You turn, wringing your hands in your hair. Your glares rival each other. “You say it as if I was strung along by him. Well I wasn’t. I initiated it.”

His glare flickers for a moment. He stays silent.

“Just admit that you’re jealous,” you whisper. You unsling your purse and dump it on top of the shoe cabinet, never breaking eye contact.

“Fine.” Namjoon’s gaze doesn’t waver. “I am.”

He skulks forward and traps you between him and the cabinet, gaze holding yours. Namjoon’s always towered over you, but at the moment it isn’t his height that makes you feel tiny.

“Watching his hands all over you like this,” Namjoon’s hands slowly skim the back of your thighs and up your sides and you bite back a whimper, “makes me jealous.”

“And watching you respond like this?” He continues as a firm hand presses the small of your back to close the gap between your torsos. “Glued to him like this? It makes me jealous.”

“You don’t own me,” you whisper but it only elicits a sardonic laugh from him.

“You say that, but you know damn well that’s not the truth. Tell me. Are you jealous?”

“What would I-”

“Yeri.” Damn. Straight through the bullshit. With an eyebrow cocked, it’s obvious he knows the answer and he’s not budging, not even an inch.

“Yes,” you admit quietly. “I’m jealous.”

“Silly girl.” He traces the hemline of your dress. “I only want you.”

A soft keening noise spills out of you. “I’m so sick of holding back.” You tug on his dress shirt, and the feel of his plush lips finally, finally meeting yours snips the final frayed cords of self-restraint you possessed.

Namjoon is quick to reciprocate, and you moan as his tongue licks at your bottom lip. Hooking your arms around his neck, you pull him closer, needing nothing else but to have him close after all this time of distance. He hoists you up, and your legs circle his waist to aid him. The world around you sets into motion as he walks you to your bed, and you anchor yourself by pressing kisses to his neck.

With how tiny your apartment is, it takes no time for him to carry you from the entryway to your bedroom. The cool sensation of your unmade sheets envelops you as he lowers you down onto the bed. He barely gets a moment to appreciate the sight of you, hair mussed and lipstick smudged, lounging on the bed and waiting for him. Desperate for his touch and running out of patience, you gesture to the zip on the side of your dress. Hurrying, he pulls the zipper down as you tug your arms out of the thin straps of the garment. You sit up and let the torso of the dress fall to bunch up at your waist, revealing your bare chest to him.

The quiet gasp that escapes him as he beholds you is infinitely flattering. It’s but a momentary pause. He dives forward into action again. An arm looped around your back to support you as your chest arches upwards, he crouches over you to take one perked-up tit into the heat of his mouth, his free hand coming up to toy with the other. His tongue laves over your nipple in a slippery flick. The other gets pinched and rolled, leaving you gasping at the delicious sensations.

“Namjoon,” you moan out breathily, and it only eggs him on. You whimper as he begins sucking on the bud and wetness pools between your thighs. Your fingernails rake down his back, muted through the layer of his dress shirt.

“M-more,” you plead. He releases your breast and moves his mouth upwards, trailing gentle pecks till he kisses along the length of your collarbone.

“Come here,” he commands, his words breathy and hot as they puff against the thin skin of your clavicle. He scoots back to lean against the headboard, and you follow hastily.

You clamber on top of him, knees bent and straddling his lap as he helps you hike the skirt of your dress up. But before you seat yourself atop the prominent bulge in the lightwash denim of his jeans, he holds you still with a firm grasp on your hip.

His thumb trails the lace detail of your panties, the patterns snaking across your hip bone, baby pink like your dress.

“Gorgeous,” he mumbles. His fingers wander to your clothed core, the material slightly sheer from the damp spot of your arousal. He strokes it tenderly with the pad of his finger, so light that it has you quivering as you hover above him.

His fingernail grazes your slit through the wet material and a gasp catches in your throat. You clench around nothing as carnal desire throbs through your core.

“Namjoon, please,” you whine.

Finally, he gives in to you and pulls you down. Your laced core meets his rough denim-clad one. The stiff material of his jeans pokes through the delicate fabric of your underwear, the friction rough as he drags you over his clothed bulge. The burn is delicious. His hands on you set a slow but steady rhythm that you follow easily, canting your hips in time. It’s enrapturing to watch the way you grind on one another, your clit rubbing up on the apex of his bulge in mutual pleasure.

A finger tips your chin up from the sight you were fixated on.

“Eyes on me.”

It’s difficult. Pleasure has your eyes drooping shut. But the intensity of his gaze compellingly holds yours and you manage, even if barely. His expression is stoic, and it’s only the twitch of his dick that betrays how affected he is. You, on the other hand, are completely abandoned to pleasure. Hands scrabbling across his upper back and up until they settle themselves as fists gripping tufts of his hair, teeth clamped on your bottom lip as moans spill out of you at increasing frequency as your pleasure climbs and climbs and climbs until-

Burrowing your face into the side of his neck, you pant as you cross the peak. Hips now stilled, your climax has you throbbing against his hardened member. You cling onto him with your arms around his neck as you free-fall in the subsiding pleasure. Bare chest brushing against the smooth material of his dress shirt, you catch your breath and yield to the moment.

“Shit,” he mutters. “Shit.” Louder this time. “Shit, shit, shit.”

The regret in his words yank you out of the heady fog of lust. There’s no time to bask in the afterglow. Reality comes crashing down hard and mercilessly.

Suddenly, you feel so small and so exposed. You read his regret as rejection. Your nudity and previous salacious actions make you feel stupid.

Namjoon attempts to extricate your arms from around him, but shame has you clutching to him tighter, hiding your face in his neck. You can still feel him under you, but it’s now an uncomfortable reminder of the act you just committed.

“Hey,” his voice is gentle now, pleading, “look at me? Please?”

You refuse. It’s impossible to look him in the eye right now.

“Fuck.” Even whispered, the panic laced in his tone is blatant. Gently, he maneuvers both of you to turn over. Feeling the mattress underneath you as you’re laid on your back, you release your hold on him and swiftly turn and tug your blanket up to hide away from him.

“____.” He tries. You grip the sheets even tighter as you feel him trying to pull it away from your face. “Please.”

Embarrassment. Guilt. Mortification. They overtake you and you curl in on yourself. You just want to disappear.

“____,” he tries again, hand stroking your head. But you don’t allow yourself to succumb to its comfort. “Talk to me. Please.”

Oh, now he wants to talk.

Why couldn’t you have just talked things out earlier? Why only now when things have fallen apart? Why now when you’ve just done something so stupid and so reckless?

Why now when it’s too late? What can talking possibly do to fix this now?

His pleas are met with silence.

“I’m gonna get you some water,” he says resignedly.

More silence. He sighs. You feel the mattress shift as he gets up. From where you’re still hiding in the stuffy darkness underneath your blanket, you hear his footsteps return and the muted thud of the glass getting placed on your bedside table.

The silence returns, but you can feel his presence. You imagine he’s staring at your blanket lump on the bed.

Finally, the heavy quietness is broken with a deep breath, and you hear him say softly, “Get a good night’s rest, okay? Let’s talk about this tomorrow.”

The light clicks off and you’re plunged into lonely pitch-black darkness. In the distance, you hear the heavy opening and closing of your front door as Namjoon leaves.

Unearthing yourself to the coolness of the night, your dress an uncomfortable lump around your waist, your breasts slightly sore from his previous ministrations, you stare up at the ceiling as hot tears leak out.

It’s well into the afternoon by the time you drag yourself out of bed the next day. Sleep came intermittently and was far from restful, but waking up meant facing the nightmarish reality of what had transpired. So you hid under the covers for as long as you could. But you know you can’t stay there forever.

The buzzing notifications of your phone had woken you up on more than one occasion in the night. But you ignore it and leave your phone next to the glass of water - still untouched - in favor of washing up. It’s more pressing anyway, you surmise. You can feel your make-up, now icky and caked on your face. It’s awful. Your skin is probably revolting against you now and you don’t even want to think about the mess it probably left on your pillowcase. But last night, you were simply paralyzed by the weight of what you’d done, crying till sleep finally came for you.

You take your time going through an extensive skincare routine, even busting out the clay mask you had impulsively bought together with Yeri when it was on discount. You’re doing it because your skin needs the pampering and definitely not because you’re procrastinating getting to your phone.

But there’s only so many steps you can do with the limited skincare products in your apartment. And you know your friends are probably worried about your abrupt disappearance last night. Getting to those messages first, you quickly assure Soo-eun and Yeri that you’re safe at home. Looking at the remaining notifications, you sigh.

Missed calls Namjoon (8)

7 unread messages from 2 chats Namjoon: are you still sleeping? Namjoon: hey, you still asleep? Namjoon: text me when you’re up please? Namjoon: are you awake?

Dong-In: hey! Dong-In: not sure what exactly happened at the end there haha, but it was rly great seeing u again. Dong-In: i’m still waiting on that brunch reschedule, by the way.

Memories from last night come back to you. Dong-In runs his hands through his curls, an easy grin on his face as he leans in to listen to you over the loud music of the club. Things are simple with Dong-In. And, standing on the precipice of a mental spiral whenever you think of Namjoon, the same craving for simplicity from last night returns.

[2:06pm] ____: well it’s a little late for brunch right now

[2:06pm] ____: but you still up to grab a bite?

[sapiowoman28]

Try (Chapter 6): Madam's Party

Pairing: Mark x Y/N x Johnny

Genre: smut, fluff, undercover au with cranky undercover agents

Warnings: mentions of Mark's mental health issues, brief mention of bathroom sex, drug use, Jaehyun is miserable, Doyoung is back, Taeyong saves the day, mentions of a fight. Oh, and Ten doesn't like women hitting on him.

Note: the next few chapters after this one and the next will focus more on the relationship between Johnny and Y/N as well as the dynamic between Doyoung and Y/N.

Mark watched the screen as his online payment went through. He had just booked his tickets for his trip to London. This time he planned to stay 2 weeks.

He had learned his lesson. That one time a year or two ago he stayed there for a month, and it was a total disaster. He came back with his head all messed up, panicking about life in general.

Then both Taeyong and Y/N convinced him to do some online therapy thing and things got better. He was in a better head space now. He was no longer a nervous wreck, overthinking his life and his future. But he kept his trips short. The London weather just didn't agree with him, and he didn't really enjoy the vibe there.

His phone beeped. He picked it up to see who had texted.

"Hey." it was Y/N. He missed his best friend terribly. But he wasn't sure if he was ready to talk.

"Hi." he replied after 2 minutes of staring at the message.

"You going for the party?"

"Yeah. With Kun and Lucas."

"I'm going too."

"With Doyoung?" he smiled to himself. "I heard he's going."

"Mark Lee! You never change do you?" he could imagine her looking exasperated. He giggled to himself.

Silence. He put his phone back down.

It dinged again a minute later. It was her.

"I should have used the safe word when you did what you did. Instead i just continued and got resentful. And made you leave after that."

"I should have been gentle.... I'm sorry Y/N."

"Maybe we need to talk about no go areas. Johnny thinks three of us should have dinner next week and talk. We're all new to this you know."

"I'm going to London next week. For two weeks."

"Can I go too? I really want to meet that weird uncle of yours who believes in aliens."

They ended up talking on the phone, catching up about life the past 2 weeks. Neither of them mentioned the incident again. The discomfort was still a little too fresh in their minds. But they were glad they were talking again.

The party was in full swing when Y/N arrived at half past 11. Yuta had indeed booked the entire VIP section and just about everyone was there. A small group of people had formed around Doyoung, fussing over him and his crutches and he was enjoying every bit of attention he was given. She rolled her eyes.

She wasnt sure if she was ready to face him yet. Their relationship had been terse since that incident where she punched him in the face during a heated argument. in the middle of an operation. in fact when Doyoung got into an accident during the next operation she was a little relieved he would be out for a while to recover. Now he was a little more mobile, it sure looked like he would be back sooner rather than later.

But having to deal with Taeyoung was worse. At least Doyoung recognised she was the best person to get advice on technology matters, and respected her recommendations. So maybe Doyoung being back would be a good thing. She decided to walk over. Doyoung had spotted her, and there was no escape now anyway.

"DDDDDDD!!!!!!" she shrieked excitedly hoping she was at least a little convincing.

"Oh my! Y/N! You are looking good! Must be the glow of love?" Doyoung winked as they hugged.

Stupid Taeyong. He couldn't ever stop talking about Johnny to everyone.

"I see Taeyong's told you."

"Yes, of course, he really really approves." Doyoung whispered. "I just hope you're behaving?"

Y/N sighed. The legacy of her and Mark was always going to be there. No escape. She wished they'd get over it for once. It only happened the first 6 months of her joining the unit. They had already declared each other as best friends a year ago. But everyone still insisted they had a thing for each other.

Some other person faked shrieked at Doyoung and she left as soon as she could, taking a seat at the bar to people watch, ordering a drink. She scanned the room, cursing silently as she saw Ten approaching.

She wasn't in the mood to talk about work now. He wasn't pleased with the first draft of her report, and wanted to make changes she didn't approve of. The guy had something stuck up his ass. It always had to be done his way, but it just wasn't always the best way to go about things.

"Hi my dear!" Ten gave her a kiss on both her cheeks. "Looking good! Heard from Taeyong you have a boyfriend now."

She was going to kill Taeyong.

"You look hot, Ten. I love your shirt! Are the girls throwing themselves at you again?" she grinned.

Ten grimaced. "I seriously don't want to talk about it."

"You're so handsome, I don't blame them you know." she pinched his cheek. He laughed.

"About the report you emailed me." he started.

"I saw your email. But i don't wanna talk about work tonight, Ten. Can we just have fun?" she pouted.

"Fine. I'll call you on Monday. Anyway i just came over to say hi and tell you how good you're looking. I've to go back to the guys. I've been tasked to keep an eye on Jaehyun tonight. He's being a little heavy with the drinking."

"I'm sorry, is this seat taken?" they turned to look. Mark.

"Hello stranger." Y/N grinned. Mark looked adoringly at her.

"I promise I won't tell anyone." said Ten, slipping away. "Your boyfriend won't ever find out!"

"What's wrong with him?" mark asked.

"He's been tasked with babysitting Jae."

"Oh man. Dude must be in a totally angsty mood now."

"Yeah this party isn't helping, you know. It's like Yuta rubbing in his face, 'I got a promotion, Jaehyun! I got a promotion! Yay!!!'"

"And you're drinking?" he tasted her gin and tonic. "You can't even handle the alcoholic content of Kombucha."

"Mark Lee! I swear to god! I was not tipsy on Kombucha that time. You need to stop telling that story to everyone. I can hold my liquor!" Y/N faked strangled him as he giggled.

Their eyes met. And the laughing stopped.

"I missed you." he said.

"You were the one who refused to talk to me. For two fucking weeks, Mark Lee! Two weeks!" she chided.

"You didn't talk to me either."

"I wanted to give you space."

"Thanks. I needed time to think."

"Are you done thinking?"

"Yeah.

"What's the conclusion."

"I agree with you guys that we need to discuss no-go areas. We can do that when I'm back."

"Ok. As long as your mind is not fucked up like that time... "

"It was just one time, Y/N! Just one time!"

"I'm just teasing you baby. Im glad therapy has helped you feel more grounded." She smiled. "I'm proud of your progress you know."

"I miss you calling me baby." he grabbed her hand.

"Mark, people are watching. I bet Kun's watching us now." she scanned the room, catching Kun's eye at the other side of the bar where he was with Lucas and Doyoung. Kun, realising he had been caught watching, looked away after shaking his head.

"Idiot." she cursed. "Maybe we should put on a show to irritate him."

Mark giggled.

"I can't believe Lucas and Doyoung are hanging out." Y/N nudged Mark, whose eyes grew huge upon realising that they were indeed siting together.

"Lucas fucking hates him, yo!"

"Well Doyoung doesn't like Lucas much either. Which makes this funny."

"Half the people here don't like the other half. They're all pretending."

"So are you pretending to like me too Mark Lee?"

"What do you think, Y/N?"

"You love me." she grinned.

"Well you love me too." he winked then stiffened. This conversation was getting odd. Y/N looked away.

They spent the evening in a comfortable silence, watching the party get rowdier and rowdier as more people joined. Some people started to bring out the magical stuff and it was downhill from there.

Y/N knew she was done for the night when she needed the rest room, only to enter it and find Yuta with his lady bent over the sink, him screwing her. She froze, they stopped to look at her, eyes dilated from whatever drug they had taken.

"Er. Hi guys!" she chirped awkwardly.

"Y/N!!!" Yuta exclaimed excitedly as Madam giggled. "Hi Y/N!"

"Bye!" she grinned.

she turned around stomping off. She needed to pee. Badly. There was only one person who could help her.

"Taeyong!" She yelled as she stomped towards him. He was talking to Mark and Taeil. All three of them looked at her.

"Hmm. Someone looks crossed." Taeyong teased. She wasn't in the mood for teasing.

"I need to pee urgently, but your two best friends are in there screwing. You're the only person who can sort this out, Tae! Please, put your tyrant nature to good use?"

Mark laughed hysterically as Taeil shook his head and smiled.

"Your wish is my command, Miss Y/N" Taeyong laughed before strding to the female restroom to scare them out.

"And you thought your unit was dysfunctional." Taeil said to Y/N who burst out laughing.

Taeyong came back after completing his task, and Y/N raced to the washroom, glad to finally be able to pee. She washed her hands, and was touching up her lipstick when she heard Mark's voice.

"Er. Y/N?" He stood at the door awkwardly.

"Mark, what the heck?"

"I think we should leave. A fight broke out."

"what happened?"

"I think Jaehyun challenged Yuta to a fist fight."

Y/N sighed. Maybe Taeil was right about his unit. And yes, it was time to call it a night. But she was hungry.

"Supper?" she asked Mark. His eyes lit up as he nodded his head.

[uwuwriting]

Nishinoya, Kenma and Tendou w/ lyric prank

Request: Hi um so since you are writing for Haikyu now could I maybe get Kenme, Tendou and NIshinoya with a cute lyric prank? Like super sweet songs. Thank you and you can ignore this I’m sorry.

Don’t be sorry sweet anon of course I’m gonna write it. I love writing for Haikyu and I like it when you guys request things for them. Since you didn’t specify which songs I used some of my favorites. Love yaa. 💖💖💖

rules

warnings: Tendou’s is SUGGESTIVE.

songs: ‘Cuz I love you- Lizzo, Love- Keyshia Cole, Cyber sex- Doja Cat

NIshinoya Yuu

-I feel like Nishinoya is familiar with tik tok.

-And by familiar I mean addicted. 

-So he had seen those lyric pranks here and there but never really paid any mind to them. 

-You on the other hand found them so cute. 

-And of course you wanted to see how your boyfriend would react.

-You had two options.

- One, send a horny/sexy song in hopes this escalates to something else.

- Two, send a sweet/ lovey dovey song and get a cute response.

-You went for the second option because you were feeling extra cuddly and you knew that he would come over to shower you with affection the moment you send the first lyric.

-He’s just like that.

-Overly affectionate in general and would leave whatever he’s doing if you need him.

-You were already chatting with him, he was telling a stupid thing Tanaka did to Kiyoko when you suddenly sent the first lyric. 

- ‘ Never been in love before.                                                                                      What the fuck are fucking feelings yo?’

-He didn’t respond immediately so you took the opportunity to send another text. 

- ‘ Once upon a time, I was a ho .                                                                                I don't even wanna ho no mo'

- ‘Wait this sounds familiar....I KNOW THIS FROM SOMEWHERE!!!’

-You were kinda disappointed.

-You were hoping to keep him guessing for a little longer but you knew that when it came to you he was extra perceptive.

-He would sense when something was off in an instant. 

-That’s why you couldn’t keep something hidden from him for longer than a day, and I’m being generous. 

- ‘ Got you something from the liquor store.                                                        Little bit of Y/N and some Mo Tryna open up a little more Sorry if my heart a little slow’

- ‘Who said you are slow? IM GONNA FIGHT THEM I SWEAR!!!”

-You were cackling at this point, he was taking this very seriously. 

-Still you were amazed at how he hadn’t figured out the song yet.

-But since you are a little shit you continued. 

- ‘ I thought that I didn't care I thought I was love-impaired But baby, baby I don't know what I'm gonna do’

-I swear you could sense the moment the lyrics clicked in his mind through the screen. 

-Matching your energy he responded. 

- ‘IM CRYING!’

- ‘CUZ I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

-Both of you sent the last part at the same time followed by an array of heart memes and voice messages of you trying to hit the high notes. 

-He did come over after leaving you on read for 10 minutes. 

-You two cuddled and played the song on repeat for 3 hours straight. 

Kozume Kenma

-Sweet lil kitty.

-He loves you and you know it. 

-He doesn’t really like tik tok.

-He just can’t understand the hype behind it.

-So he is completely oblivious to this whole trend. 

-You two are hanging out in his room. 

-He was in the middle of a stream, commenting here and there on the game and answering a few questions. 

-You were laying on his bed scrolling through your instagram and blasting music through your earphones. 

-That’s when a love song came on and you wanted to dance and sing to it so badly but he was streaming....

-You wanted to share it with him because the lyrics reminded you of him and it was so cute. 

-Slightly pouting in your mini misery you remembered the lyric trend. 

-Even though the videos you had seen had been suggestive you weren’t really in the mood for that. 

-You just wanted to cuddle him. 

-Going into your chat you started to type the part you were listening to right now. 

- ‘  Now you're gone, what am I gonna do So empty ‘

-His phone vibrated and he spared a glance at it but didn’t see what the message was.

-You weren’t about to give up though.

- ‘ My heart, my soul can't go on ‘

-He ignored it again.

- ‘ Go on, baby, without you’

-He spared a glance at it again and you contemplated on stopping in fear he might get annoyed when he saw it was you. 

-But you knew he will only get flustered afterwards.

- ‘ My rainy days fade away when you come around please tell me baby’

-He grabs his phone as it vibrates and unlocks it.

-You can hear the chat going wild with messages when he smiles down at his screen, a rare occasion. 

-You send another message. 

- ‘ Why you go so far away Why you go ‘

-The blush that tinted his cheeks darkened as he turned to look at you. 

- “I’m not that far away....” he whispered.

-The chat was beyond confused on what was going on. 

-You sent the last lyric and that’s when he decided to end the live stream. 

-He apologized to his fans and turn the computer off.

-He pounced on you the moment the camera turned red and he kissed you like there was no tomorrow.

-His phone lay open still in your chat, your last text facing the ceiling. 

- ‘ Love Never knew what I was missing But I knew once we start kissin' I found you.’

Tendou Satori

-It’s a race of who does the trend first.

-You are both addicted to tik tok.

-That’s one of the reasons you are together. 

-You are similar and like the same things. 

-So you both have seen the trend on multiple occasion and have sent each other videos. 

-In a way you were challenging the other to try it. 

-You knew that your boyfriend loved pampering you in kisses and love, and you were tempted to  send a love song something sweet. 

-But you also knew that he was a little freaky, always making comments and getting you worked up. 

-So you decided to be freaky yourself.

-He was at practice when you finally put your plan in motion.

-He would always answer your texts during his water brakes so it wouldn’t be long until he saw it. 

- ‘ And he don't even scroll through Insta 'Less he going through my pictures ‘

-Half an hour passed until he finally replied. 

- ‘You know me too well princess’

-  ‘You’re too irresistible I can’t help myself.’

-You bit your lip at the messages and you knew that it wouldn’t take long before the more ..... PG 18.

-Debating whether or not to continue and since you were a little shit, you send the next lyric. 

- ‘  I wanna touch on you You see me in my room’

-This time he didn’t hesitate to answer. 

- ‘Oh is my girl feelin’ needy?’

-Not yet at least. 

- ‘ Wish you were here right now All of the things I'd do ‘

-You assumed that his break should be over when you sent the text. 

-Just to tease him. 

-But to your surprise he messaged back rather quickly. 

- ‘Tsk tsk you just had to do this while I have practice didn’t you?’

- ‘I’ll have to punish you for that.....’

-Here we go!!!

-You knew that if you continued you would be in for it big time. 

-Even though you hadn’t been feeling particulary needy lately, messing with Tendou was always fun. 

-You were usually the one being teased but turning the tables every once in a while was healthy.

-Even though he wouldn’t become a blushing mess like you, you still liked getting this reaction from him. 

-Getting him worked up and impatient to get home was a bonus. 

-You knew sending the last lyric would be your downfall. 

-So you took a swan dive. 

- ‘I wanna get freaky on camera I love when we get freaky on camera’

TAG TEAM AY: @brattyquirks​ @the-arcana-fan-fic​ @angelwritings​

[amphii-writes]

Random Haikyuu Head Canons I Have

these are all taken from my discord server cause i remember to write them there, if you want to request fanfics, my requests are W I D E open! there is also nO order! these are just all the headcanons i could find tbh

warnings: mentions of blood, and just overall wild times, swearing

Asahi loves knitting sweaters because his shoulders are broad and he also loves seeing the reactions from his teammates when they get a sweater from him! He says he buys them but he doesn’t

Aone likes knitting socks because he has big feet and he loves fluffy knee high socks but his team will never know

Asahi and Aone regularly hang out and knit together! (after asahi wasnt scared of him anyways)

Nishinoya gives you shiny rocks he finds because “your eyes shine like them!”

Yamaguchi likes to have your head rest on his chest while cuddling!

Aone likes to bake

Aone dressed like a polar bear because koganegawa told him to- halloween was amazing

daICHI HAS A KISS THE COOK APRON

Daichi secretly can make some kick ass steak and is amazing at grilling sorry

Okay but real talk, Kenma and Yaku swear like sailors and it scares everyone because they always whisper the most foul, insulting things under their breath. Hearing it is like seeing a cryptid

Speaking of cryptids, Fukunaga and Shibayama are THE most true crime, mythology, and mystery obsessed fanatics on the team and often fanboy about it together 

Fukunaga’s obsession with moth man has gotten to an unhealthy stage

Kenma absolutely had a vampire phase and has read twilight. Only Kuroo knows and has sworn to secrecy via blood pact

Kuroo’s a musical nerd. Knows all of the lyrics to Hamilton, BMC, DEH, Heathers, Rent, Beetlejuice, Etc. Kenma considered dropping him because of it

Iwaizumi tells the worst dad jokes and Kyotani, wanting to beat him, started doing it too and it drives everyone insane

Yahaba and Matsukawa get along surprisingly well. Both are true crime freaks and bond over their forensic files obsessions

Matsukawa didn’t really like his thick eyebrows so he got one of his female friends to pluck it for him, but almost cried and gave up after the first hair. Oikawa called him a pussy for the next year

Hanamaki jokingly flirts with everyone on the team so most of them just got used to it, but it still confuses Kindaichi to the point of mental breakdown

Makki called Kyotani ‘puppy’ as a joke once and now mad dog is truly terrified of him

Kyotani’s dog absolutely ADORES Oikawa and it’s the funniest shit to the rest of the team

Mattsun and Makki play DnD and once convinced Yahaba and Kyotani to join. Kyotani kept rolling to fight everyone and Yahaba was a bard that kept rolling to seduce everyone. They kept yelling across the board so they had to kick them out

Outside of his school uniform, Goshiki specifically wears only plaid

Tendou makes little chocolates for the whole team every once in a while so they don’t think he’s scary

Semi and Shirabu once had a fistfight in an abandoned McDonald’s parking lot while Tendou filmed and Goshiki cheered them on

Everybody makes fun of Shirabu’s haircut but nobody dares to say it to his face. its gotten to the point where they say he got it done by a blind old lady

There’s a running joke about Shirabu also getting his haircut from prison but Goshiki is starting to suspect that it may not be a joke

Yamagata and Tendou are good friends with the mutual goal of collecting as much blackmail on their team as possible

Tendou loves animals generally considered to be ‘ugly’ like rats, crows, reptiles, etc.

80% of Goshiki’s playlist is shit overplayed on the radio. Him, Shirabu, Tendou, Kawanishi and Ushijima have a permanent ban from the aux cord

Nobody watches YouTube with Ushijima because he never skips the damn ads (other than tendou)

Suna once said y’all’dn’t’ve unironically and made a first year cry

Akagi once said UwU unironically and had an identity crisis.

Osamu has one of those rainbow gaming keyboards and is constantly on a discord call. Atsumu always yells weird shit in the background to embarrass him and once pretended to be him

During Seijoh group chat arguments. Hanamaki and Mattsukawa like to drop facebook minion memes in just to piss everyone off even more

mattsun and maki both have separate photo albums in their phones labelled ‘minion memes to piss everyone off’

Hinata carries a pocket knife and no one has no fucking idea why

mattsun and maki both have matching rat fursuits that look like they actually where in a sewer- they chased oikawa around

For all his talk of plant analogies and metaphors, Ushijima cant grow shit

Goshiki’s Bangs are the way they are because his favorite character was Rock Lee from Naruto

Oikawa has watched Ouran High School Host Club front to back so many times and he can quote all of Tamaki’s lines by heart -He keeps bothering Iwaizumi to “be his Haruhi, since you’re shorter than me”

Koganegawa has definitely gone as an Angry Bird for Halloween

Fukunaga has those reflective cat eyes, and he has terrified Yamamoto on several occasion

Hanamaki and Matsukawa have a teddy bear that they pretend is their child and they share custody

Suga always sprays whipped cream straight into his mouth whenever he sees a can

Nishinoya definitely bit people as a kid

Nishinoya would be the guy to wear shorts all year round and even if it's snowing, he'll insist he's not cold

Tendou is still stuck in his emo phase and would fangirl over Creepypasta with me and I appreciate that (me too buddy, me fuckin too)

Kyoutani LOOKS like he’d listen to viking death metal, but in reality he listens to Mother Mother and knows all the words to Ghosting

Sugawara would definitely encourage me to dumb shit and not stop me, and you’re all dumb for thinking he wouldn’t 

KENMA IS NOT ‘uwu owo’ SHY, HE IS ‘your fucking gross’ SHY SO LITERALLY STFU

Bokuto listens to Nicki Manaj. And knows all the words. To every. Single. Song.

Ushijima for some reason knows an odd amount of 90′s-2000′s R&B and he will hum along to the songs if they come on the radio (he also loves Dolly Parton) ((he says he relates to her music))

Bokuto once ate instant ramen for an entire month

TERUSHIMA DID TRY TO FUCK A PLANT WHILE SHITFACED AND GOD I STAND BY WHAT I SAID

atsumu let’s you put makeup on him and pretends to eat the brushes (do yk what im talking about- like n o m)

tendou ran for school president as a joke but actually won

i 100% believe that all of karasuno’s third years apologize when they bump into inanimate objects, but when suga is really tired or stressed out, he’ll yell at them instead.

Tanaka, Nishinoya, and Taketora have a group chat called "Bros who want sum hoes" and they send each other hypebeast memes and shit

Sugawara knows how to do a bunch of flexible shit because he sometimes goes to yoga with daichi and asahi's moms, its fucking hilarious

tanaka and noya both breakdance- they work as a team and sometimes go to tokyo for underground competitions- saeko drives them

Daichi knows a little ballet- nobody other than Kiyoko knows because they saw each other at the ballet class and had to work together- dont tell tanaka and noya that he lifted her though

Osamu once put glitter on Atsumu's pillow- he still finds hot pink glitter on shit

kita knits and crochets with his grandma

Kita's grandma knows everyone's names because kita talks shit bout them, her favorite is Aran

Kuroo has burnt his eyebrows off doing an experiment. His goggles didn't cover all his brows,,, so he just showed up to practice like that. No eyebrows and a chemical burn

kenma has played all kinds of games, but he was dared to play corpse party by kuroo. He wasn't scared because of the gore, he was thinking about the trauma the characters went through. Punched kuroo the next day because that game was fucked up

Lev isn't a strong swimmer, so he often grabs people by the head to keep himself up. happened with kenma and lev couldn't walk due to the force of kenmas suprised water kicks

akaashi has those fancy pens that you have to dip in ink and they're so nice

Bokuto has and will eat pencil erasers again

Daichi once almost lost his shit at his team but instead he lost his shit at the door that decided to stub his toe on the way out of the gym. not the best thing to be found yelling to.

Yamaguchi for sure has been dragged to one of terushimas parties because he didnt wanna say no. oh and terushima has like frat boy level parties too. Yams has for sure had some wild nights and doubts anyone other than Tsukishima and the party-goers will ever know

Akaashi can actually flirt very well! He reads romance novels sometimes and has analyzed any and every book in his possession! so he's actually quite charming

Daihsou unironically posted on twitter after mika broke up with him "I still see her shadows in my room"

Mattsun and Maki run a fake oikawa account; its been going ever since twitter even started getting popular and they even started sending messages in spanish. The posts would range from "I love all my fans!" to flirting with them :) Oikawa is pissed cause the account got verified before he did and most of his fans also follow the fake oikawa. Tooru has no idea who runs it JUST IMAGINE OIKAWA JUST LIKE RANTING TO THE SEIJOH 3RD YEAR ALUMNI AND JUST "no Iwa-chan, you dont understand! they run a fake account and pretend to be me!" while makki and mattsun laugh their asses off

Oh, kenma for sure has pretended to be a girl on discord and has gotten someone to buy him stuff. after they do he says in his normal voice "fucking simp" and then hangs up and blocks the other persons discord

Yamamoto, despite his rough appearance, loves kids and has and will be a human jungle gym

suna in middle school had a game with his friends about who could make kids cry the fastest

The twins switched places back in middle school and nobody could tell because of how great they are at acting like eachother

Daichi once arrested coach ukai for public intoxication after a game :|

Daichi has arrested many people from his old volleyball team but the most memorable case was when he arrested tanaka and noya for reckless driving. poor idiots got so scared when they saw their old captains face in their mirror and started to pray

tanaka, while trying to intimidate someone, once said "You dont gotta tell me twice, i may be straight but these hands are bisexual" and he often cringes at night thinking about it

Kageyama, as a comeback to Tsukishima, said "one thing about us royalty is that we love to feast" and he also fuckin hates what he said

the third years made a cult for Kiyoko. they chant every wednesday "i'll do anything for kiyoko, she makes me go loco"

oikawas fangirls are known to be fucking rabid

yAMAMOTO AND KENMA AFTER THEIR FIGHT WERE FORCED BY KUROO TO MAKE IT UP: so they dyed their hair together

Makki and mattsun sang two trucks in front of the entire team. everyone was so confused. Makki: "twO TRUCKS HAVIN SEX!!" Mattsun: "oH yEs!"THEY'D SWITCH OFF AND HAVE LIKE CHOREOGRAPHY TOO LIKE THEY'D DO A TANGO WHILE THE SONG IS LIKE "two beer trucks, making love"

tendou once called Oikawa "mr. no-nationals" and got kicked in the shins before iwaizumi could save him

Tsukishima had a my little pony phase

you work with matsukawa at a morgue and he makes dead people jokes while you fix some dead guys face with wax and makeup he'd be like "so didnt he like,,, stick his head out of the sunroof of a moving fuckin car??" he'd be singing dumb ways to die the entire day

i feel like Kuroo has one crazy accident a year. like it might not be deadly but its fucking crazy like for example: Kuroo for sure has ridden in a shopping cart at past midnight with kenma (who pushed him down a hill) causing Kuroo to get scratched up hella well. he lied and said he spent the night with a girl and kenma fucking hated himself cause he would be the girl if that was true

Mattsun has flirted with the 4th years moms before (AS A JOKE), and because of this: he is known as “fuckin milf hunter” sometimes by the team

Warning, this next headcanon is talking about cannabis, weed, mary jane, the zoink root. so if your uncomfortable, please dont read below :)

dude i wanna get high as SHIT with Asahi 

i think Asahi would be one of those mfkers who takes one hit and is gone 

ASAHI ACCIDENTALLY GOING TO PRACTICE ZOINKED 

IMAGINE HIM SEEING TSUKISHIMA AND JUST "he looks so judgemental,,, im scared" 

OR LIKE A MAD DAICHI AND JUST "i'm gonna,,, im gonna go jump out the window now" 

Noya and Tanaka would know tho, i feel like they'd have a 6th sense when it comes to weed. they probably get some from Saeko cause she'd rather they do it in the house. they'd smell asahi like fucking dogs and just so,,, big guy had fun without us huh? 

DAICHI WOULD KNOW ABOUT ASAHI BEING ZOINKED, SMASH HIS FACE INTO THE WALL, TURN AROUND WITH A RED MARK ON HIS FOREHEAD AND WITH A BEAMING SMILE AND FEUX ENTHUSIASM SAY: "YOSH, LETS WARM UP!"

[mha-smipy07]

It's a Date?

plot(ig):you get asked on a date by itadori yuji and it was good unit he started acting funny.

warnings: langage and i kinda mad itadori a fuck boy in a part of it :) oops(not really tho)

A/n: aaa i had so much fun with this idea, i hope you like it and please like and reblog it

"ya so its a date?" you couldn't change your mind with the smile on his face so you agreed and =g with his friends, and damn he was fast. he only lose one because his very kind friends dog knocked him over.

you started laughing and your friends asked what was so funny. "that guy's dog just body checked the one with pink hair" you covered your asusment with your hand over your mouth. but your friends looked confused

"um (name) there's no dogs over there" your best friends looked at you like your losing your mind. but she was crazy there where 2 dogs over there.

"what do you mean? look a black and white dog- oh shit never mind" you shook your head and looked back over, where those curses? you forgot that you were the only person in your friend group who could see curses, you didn't want to tell then because they didn't believe in them.

"that guy is cute imma go talk to him!" you quickly jump up and walk over but you noticed the girl who he was talking to, was that his girlfriend? you wouldn't be surprised he is extremely handsome. but woers goes to worse it is his girlfriends but there black hairs dude with the dogs is cute to.

"hey can i pet your dogs?" you asked looking at the blue haired guy, who gave you a very surprised look.

"y-you can see them?" he asked looking almost scared. you shook your head and waved at the pink haired one. you needed to know his name. "um ya you can pet them but you do know those dogs ar-"

"are curses? yes i know. and yes i can see curses, no i'm not becoming a jujutsu sorcier" you cut him off, smiling like it was a common and normal thing to say. he just nodded and looked over to his friends. "hey what's that guys name?" you asked pointing to they guy you where eyeing "and does he have a girlfriend?"

"thats itadori yuji, and no i dont think theres anyone in the world besides gojo and nobara who can stand him" he rolled his eyes and looked at you. "oh don't tell me you think he's cute or something?"

"sorry but he is very cute but what's your name? we could be friends" you flashed a smile at yuji when he looked at you.

"well i think your just his type, but you would probably get along with him. oh also my name is Fushiguro Megumi" he smiled a little at you and then took out his phone.

"that's a cute name but im going to go talk to itadori now, also you dogs are cute!" you said walking over to itadori.

"hey" you smiled "i was wondering if you wanted to be friends i guess, i was watching you guys race from over there and you looked like fun to hang out with" you glanced at the girl he was with and your guessing her name is nobara based off what Fushiguro said.

itadori eyed you up and down before giving you a toothy grin that almost looked cocky. "ya for sure! you wanna hang out with us for the rest of the day? we are gonna go to the mall soon and then we going to get some food" he offered and you looked bad to your friends and the to the grass. you guys were hanging out, but then again you guys hang out all the time. they will be fine without you for one day.

"ya sure, but i drove here with my friends so id have to ride with one of you, and i have to go tell my friends nicely i'm ditching them" you let out a small giggle.

"ok that's fine we have one more seat in nobaras car" he pointed to the girl next to him and she waved at you, she was really pretty. you nod and ran over to your friends.

you walked up to them and smiled shyly. "hey, so i'm going to go hang out with that dude and his friends today, is that ok?" you asked as the guilt of leaving your life long friends for some guy you just met.

"ya that's fine we can hang out tomorrow but go get yourself laid we all know you need it" your friends waved you off before giving you side eye and started laughing. "ya ya shut up, you two have fun" you grabbed your purse and ran back over to the 3.

"ok they know your not kidnapping me" your comment made nobara and itadori laugh. it's your mission to make megumi laugh and to flirt with itadori witch will be easy.

"ok lets go" nobara grabbed her bag and keys and we started walking to her car. "im sitting in the front. and yuji i will punch you if you try to beat me to the car" megumi grunted and glared at yuji. it was hard to tell the he actually wanted to hang out with either of them, he didn't smile much and he would insult them but that may just be him.

you hopped in and reached for the seat belt but-- "uh there's no seat belt"-- you quickly realized there was no seat belt on your side.

"oh ya sorry my cousin decided to cut the seat belt in half you have to side in the middle or not buckle" you gave you a apologetic look.

"oh now i see why Fushiguro didn't want to sit in the back" you chuckled because it was getting a little awkward in the car.

you slid next to yuji and placed your bag on the seat you should be sitting in and buckled. "good choice, nobara sucks at driving" yuji whispered in to your ear sending chills down your spine. you giggled and took out your phone to check you messages from your friends.

you had 2 text your friend. 'what's that guys name?' and ' has he dicked you down yet?' where those said text. you started laughing and went to reply forgetting how close you are to yuji. 'the guy with the pink hair is itadori and sadly no lol'

itadori smirked at the text before leaning in to your ear. "sadly uh?" you wiped your head away from your phone almost hitting him in the face with yours. his smirk went away as soon had he saw your face. "um sorry i shouldn't have read your text" his face turned a little red and he looked up so see you guys had 5 mins till you got to the mall.

"its ok, but can i have your number?" you ask holding out your phone. he shook his head and took your phone to put his number in, and but his name as 'hot guy from park' you snorted at the name and rolled your eyes. the last 4 minutes when by fast as nobara started blasting her favorite songs and you guy where at the mall in no time.

nobara and megumi when into a clothing shop because she was going to give him a better style so you and yuji went to look around a shoe store a little bit away from them. you and yuji started talking about shoes you guys wish you could afford and laughed a little together before leaving to grab ice cream.

"hey so this may be a little random and i get if you say no but would you wanna go out together? like tonight maybe" yuji scratched the back of if head as his face started to turn red.

"ya sure like a date?" you asked taking a lick at your melting ice cream.

"ya so it's a date?" you couldn't change your mind with the smile on his face so you agreed and he texts nobara that you two are going to go out. you guys start talking about where to go to eat and what to do.

"why don't we just stay here and there's a taco bell down the road we could go to for food later?" Yuji looked at you and started laughing.

"i'm ok with that but taco bell for our first date?" he snickered as you shook your head. "ok im good with that" he grabbed your hand and intertwined your fingers. his hands were so much bigger than yours, he was so much bigger than you in general. you had a thin shirt on and it was getting a little chilly and Yuji nodisted so he almost forced you to take his hoodie and put it on almost drowning in the sent of cedar wood and sage.

you guys found a bench and sat down to start getting too know each other, sharing childhood stories and your likes and dislikes. he looked a little cold because he didn't have a hoodie on so you scooted closer and wrapped his arm around him in a weak attempt to warm him up a little.

"you looked a little cold" you almost whisper nuzzling your head into his chest. the laugh that left his mouth sounded so deep when your head was against him. his heart beat was getting faster and faster like he was getting scared or nervous. he was fine before, maybe you were pushing your boundaries by snuggling up to him. you glanced at his wrist and there where 2 black lines forming around his wrist slowly so you pulled away from him to look at him.

the only thoughts that went through your mind was 'holy shit' and 'what the fuck is going on?'. Yuji now had some black face markings on him forehead, nose and cheeks. not to mention that this didn't look like Yuji, ya his hair was the same before he pushed his it back and same clothes but it wasn't Yuji. "Yu-"

"I'm not Yuji sweetheart, Im sukuna and this brat besided to eat one of my fingers but i'm the king of curses." sukuna cuts you off and smiled, fuck even their smiles are different and his voice is so much deeper than yuji's. "but damn this brat can pull some cuties, i always like to take a look at them myself, normally scares them off"

"oh well nice to meet you sukuna" you said slowly still trying to process everything, but it makes sense if megumi has his curses and training to become a sorcerer, no doubt him and nobara and too. they probably go to school together. but you have an idea that he had a curse but this is not what you expected. but he was hot, you hated to say it but he was but he was only hot because Yuji is to.

"damn it sukuna stop that. your so annoying" the voice was Yugi's but there mouth was moving, god this was confusing but apparently he can still talk when sukuna have control over the body. "your lucky i cant kill you brat. but fine i'll go" sukuna replied to Yuji and the markings started to slowly fade.

"uh i'm sorry about that, he likes to do that sometimes, he's a dick but i'm not! he just gets cireus and wants to see things in his own eyes" Yuji appolagised letting out a big sigh. "he used to be worse but im starting to get him whipped, he thought this era was better than this." yuji started to chuckle so you did to.

"i can still talk and see you tho" a mouth appeared on Yuji's cheek then disappeared.

"uh now that's a little freaky" pointing at his cheek you start to laugh. "but just know this isn't gonna scare me off, i've seen a lot of things before"

-------------------------------------------------------------

A/n: sorry but im getting lazy on this and idk what else to put on here :) so here you go, please like and reblog also sry if i spelled any names wrong

[straighttohellbuddy]

World building is the best tbh. I’m forever world building and now I have several worlds to play in and my neurodivergent brain cannot stay still enough to focus on one lmao. SLOWBURN ROMANCES ARE MY LITERAL JAM LIKE PLS!!! I LOVE THEM!! Also!!!! Concepts!!!! Pls share!!!! I love learning about the worlds of my fave fics and I can hands down say right now that this fic will literally shoot to the top of my list of favourites which means you’ll occupy the top three spots. Sorry to hear that ur feeling rough, so am sending u the biggest hug. I’m not okay but I’m taking care of myself today so that I will be 🧡-🐈‍⬛

alsjfsldkjf i have too many worlds TBH, literally one of the best parts of my 2020 was writing for the classic rock fandom and writing one of my good friend’s ocs alongside mine, like there’s so many different worlds that our two characters have now, i’m like 26k deep into a high school au that i need to get back to at some point, and then i wrote a oneshot abt the high school au but they’re adults, and then there’s also the original timeline, and then there’s the present day in the original timeline where they have kids and i probably care too much about people who aren’t real...... hahaha

OKAY OKAY OKAY HERE WE GO I’LL GIVE KIND OF AN OVERVIEW OF THE ALBUMS AND A FEW SONGS BUT IF U WANT ME TO GO IN DEPTH ON ANY OTHER SONG JUST ASK!!!

yes i have a playlist for each, if you wanna hear how i interpret the vibes of the songs. if you interpret them differently, thats awesome!! i’d love to hear y’all’s opinions on them!!

testing one two - the first ep they release, the song titles are mostly themed (fast forward, press play, pause, rewind), but are mostly things y/n has been working on for a while but never got around to finishing, things they are rather proud of. i see you shiver with... is the first song they wrote specifically for the album, and it’s the last song on the EP because it’s a Rocky Horror reference; i see you shiver with...

a n t i c i p a t i o n - first full album!! the vibe is Hopeful But Hesitant it has all the songs from the ep, plus some new ones!! collabs with youtube musicians troye and dodie, and y/n’s label sets up a collab that turns into a genuine friendship. the breakout dance hit is what else is there to say ft. Troye Sivan, which is about not knowing what to make content about when it feels like you’ve already told the world everything. it featured the prechorus and hook

You, know, ev-ery-thing about me / gave it all for free / my life in HD / So, let’s dance, let me see your hips sway / we’re gonna be okay / what else is there to say?

So say that you love me, say that you love me, say that you love me / let’s die hand in hand. / I’ll tell you I love you, tell you I love you, tell you I love you / supply and demand. 

personally, i also conceptually enjoy srs bsns which is a really upbeat song about how they don’t care if people don’t take them seriously because they know in their heart that what they’re doing is good

hyperfocus - 2nd EP, a pretty substantial departure from their usual style, but also happens to quietly be Corpse’s favourite, and is actually y/n’s most polarising, because it has both the Grammy award winning HEARTBURN and the o brother where art thou which was written partially as a joke to capture a fond moment of them and 5SOS dicking around together in a hotel. written while on tour wit 5SOS, im writing the reader as having ADHD (because I have ADHD and i can do what i want), and the backstory is that they’d changed the medication/dosage they were taking, and as it’s their first full tour, they were under a lot of stress and were in a weird place mentally and emotionally, and hyperfocus is the result of that. i’m going through some stuff has HUGE agoraphobic vibes. 

HEARTBURN has the same vibes as Florence + The Machines’ Howl. It’s about being a demon without saying that or directly implying that unless you know demons real well. This is when the pressure for them to confirm their identity got real bad, and it was their way of working through those emotions.

tear in existence in the shape of a person / when i’m seeing clearly i can’t see myself / world can’t swallow what it can’t get it’s teeth into / got everything i wanted but i ain’t got my health

Got heart-burn--- / I’ll tear me apart / I’ll tear you apart / I’ll tear me apart. 

SCREAM gets rereleased as a remixed single featuring Fall Out Boy the following year. It won the MTV music award for best collaboration in 2018. 

In the time between hyperfocus and working on it, Y/N releases several singles, including a cover of Tell Him by The Exciters to be featured in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. They also take time to sort out their health, do a little bit more YT stuff, and travel internationally to do festivals. 

working on it - is kind of a middle ground between their original stuff, and hyperfocus, like pop-punk meets horror-pop meets whatever you’d classify halsey as. the first three songs were mostly written before the fic starts, so before they’re getting back to YT, but the last three, nightmare scenario, designed to hurt (touch me), and not scared were all written after they’d started hanging out with sykkuno and corpse. 

in-universe, imposter syndrome was originally something else, along the same lines of tired that they’re hiding that they’re a demon, but after meeting corpse nd sykkuno and having people who know, and lowkey being influenced by corpse’s music, the song changes directions, and YO OKAY YO::

I literally am so fucking flattered, my darling friend @bingusmode​ wrote lyrics for imposter syndrome and I’ve been yELLING about them ever since i’ve read them!! (also bunnie is fantastic and lovely in general 10/10)

if you thought you saw me 

i’d think about it twice

cuz while i know i’m naughty

everybody thinks i’m nice

cutest giggles get me

places that i long to be

but it’s not long before

everybody hates me

when you figure out i’m fucked up

you’ll probably think that can’t be right

but babe my image runs to save me

cuz i’m ugly day and night

nothing good about me

not the angel that i seem

cuz i’m a piece of shit

and i’ll ruin your fuckin dreams

i’m an impostor babe

you better run for your life

cuz there’s a bloodlust runnin through me

and you’re dripping off my knife

there’s no one here to save you

cuz you ate up all my lies

so beg me while you can

and draft up all your goodbyes 

if any of y’all are inspired by anything i put out, feel free to take it and run!! you have my blessing!! i am so overwhelmingly flattered by people who like my stuff enough to create because of it, directly or indirectly! lyrics, art, songs, anything!! legit! I love you!!

okay so designed to hurt (touch me) has big House of Memories by Panic! At The Disco vibes, and YES it’s about Corpse. YES it sends mixed messages. YES it has greek myth imagery and YES that imagery is confusing. not sure if any of these sets of lyrics actually go after each other but also idk??

will my fall from grace be graceful / as each move i see you make? / propped up on pedestals side by side / beneath our feet they shake / i’m the only one to hear you ask  / “What have they done to me?” / My boy, your wax throne is sun-drenched / you’ll fall in the name of your legacy.

eyes like yours watched rome burn / while hands like mine lit the pyre / we both heard me say we’d go down in flames / now you’re turning me into a liar / since you smile like that, like you can’t feel the sting / and we both know i can’t feel the fire

been telling myself i’m designed to hurt / but, baby, aren’t we a sight? /

check your reflection, your angles, apollo / you’re icarus in the right light /

we’re on the edge, i’m not scared to fall / we’ll take refuge in the night /

been telling yourself you’re designed to hurt / but, baby, doesn’t this feel right?

also, albumtouralbumtour is a reference to Bohemian Rhapsody.

OKAY AND FINALLY

n o s t a l g i a - the album the reader’s working on during the fic.

literally as i was writing this, bunnie sent through some FIRE lyrics for how the light gets in, (@bingusmode) i am going to be thinking about these on REPEAT for the next MONTH BRUV

little bit of darkness, treat me like a toy 

i got my hopes up and got them destroyed

bitter taste of regret sitting heavy on my tongue

can’t believe i let you convince me that you were the one

sitting here in silence, fabric running thin

petals burning in my lungs and stealing oxygen

embers from a cigarette falling to the floor

god i can’t take anymore

so i stumble to the window and pull the shades

and the moon pours in like you threw a grenade

i can’t understand why

i keep trying

cuz i never seem to win

but having any hope is how the light gets in 

from there, moment before impact ft. Billie Eilish is a club anthem along the lines of bad guy or COPYCAT, bass heavy with a drop that’s out of this world.

powdered pain, i’m in your veins / i’m the sting, the drip, the thing / you’re craving, but you hate to see me misbehaving / i heard my breakdown got you high / it’s true, but baby i can’t lie / i never got that rush, that burn / that makes you feel alive, i had to learn / to pick the slippery slope down which i fell / plan my pitstops on the way to hell / to pick my padding before i spiral / so if i break it’ll be in style

watch my misdirect, now freeze, / notice you can’t see the forest for the trees / you’re so desperate for my demise / but baby, i’ll make you watch me rise.

this is the moment before impact

controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i know you hope i’m not okay / you get off on my audio misery

controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i need you to know i want it this way / my breakdown won me a grammy

and this is the moment before impact

ur my favourite - interlude ft. sykkuno is probably one of my favourites, it’s just really soft, just a snippet of a conversation between the reader and sykkuno, maybe one of them told a joke and they both just sound real happy and sweet. its nice. it’s a nice moment.

means something is also for sykkuno!! it’s about how good-strange it is to be open and honest with friends, and how they usually aren’t but they’re glad they can be open and honest with him!!

meanwhile, i don’t think about u - interlude ft. CORPSE is a phonecall between corpse & the reader right after they announce they’re going to feature on acting like that, where corpse asks if they do this sort of thing to spite him, to which the reader responds ‘do i consider you when i’m making decisions about my career? no, corpse, actually i don’t think about you at all’ which then directly contrasts the song that ends the album, which is (how it feels to be) beautiful fireworks, which is essentially ‘i know how hard it is to exist like this, to be the centre of attention, to give off light and bring people joy, even when you’re in pain. i’m here for you. i love you.’

okay, i swear im done now, i’ll get back to writing the fic! (also i cannot BELIVE i managed to figure out how to embed those playlists but im so happy) edit: it didn’t actually work when i posted the ask, so anyways im sorry but y’all are abt to be spammed with playlists because i care too much abt this fic

[resslawx]

Since I‘m on my way to vacation right now - and stuck in a train for some hours - I thought I‘d post part 2 of the keenler oneshot now. Thanks a lot for all the kind messages! :D

Again, I‘m sorry for any mistakes.

[Keenler oneshot pt. 2] - pt. 1:

Some minutes later the agents quietly left the room. When the door was closed behind them, Liz let out a relieved sigh. “Thank you so much.. Honestly, I don’t know how long it would’ve taken me to get her back to sleep if it wasn’t for you.”

“Nah, c’mon. In time, you would’ve gotten the idea yourself. Or another.” Ressler answered, shrugging his shoulders.

“Maybe sometime, yes. But this isn’t just about your idea with the cave and you know that.” She took some steps towards him, looking directly into his eyes. “You matter a great deal to Agnes, she relies a lot on you. Her getting calm once you’ve had picked her up proved that once more. No one else would’ve been able to have such an influence on her as you did.”

Now it was his turn to be glad - again. Feeling needed when it came to these two was something that always lightened up his mood, no matter how bad life was.

“Looks like I’m not only your tiny island of calm, huh?”

“It’s the genetics” Liz grinned, but it didn’t last long. Donald Resslers damn smile made her knees wobbly. Besides, that smile was hidden so often - behind his serious work attitude, his grumpy mood when Reddington got on his nerves - especially when he exposed him in front of everyone - or the feeling he never wanted to admit, but Liz know he felt way too often. They both did.

Loneliness.

And now he offered her that wide, honest smile for once. She couldn’t let that down by making jokes.

Without thinking, Liz gently cupped his cheeks with her hands, keeping her soft but serious voice.

“No, seriously... You shouldn’t wonder that you’re not only my safe place. It’s obvious that you’re good for those who are around you and everyone who says otherwise just doesn’t know you well enough. Stop screwing down your value - I mean it.”

Ressler didn’t miss the intensity in her eyes when she spoke those words. His lips slightly parted while he was taking in her expression, looking at her lips longer than ever. With her hands on his cheeks, it was impossible for him to ignore her warmth. And with it everything he felt for her.

It’s never been easy, hell sometimes it had been damn hart. But he managed it somehow. Managed it to hide everything he felt deep down in his heart.

He always let her go - without even having her - because he believed it was best for her.

Of course Liz didn’t miss her partners look on her lips either. She almost thought she saw something longing in it.

But could that really be for her..? Or was it just his general desire?

She knew Ressler hardly had anyone who gave him the appreciation he deserved. Who showed him what it meant to get love and affection.

Someone to go home to.

As far as she knew, Hannah was the last woman on his side - and it didn’t work out. So it wasn’t hard to understand that he had some desire inside him. She had it herself. It’s what the loneliness gets one into.

It was just when Ressler gently cupped her hands with his own and took them off his cheeks, Liz got ripped out of her thoughts, still looking at him.

“I will.. stay some more minutes in case Agnes wakes up again” he said, quietly clearing his throat. When she didn’t respond, he added a “unless you wanna get rid of me”, putting a light smirk on his lips again.

Avoiding the urgent need to look down, Liz simply nodded. The moment was gone - as always. But this time she felt.. disappointed. And she couldn’t tell why.

“Have a seat. I’ll put some other pillows on the couch since Agnes used most of them for her cave.”

After Liz left the room, Ressler sat down and took a deep breath. What the hell did just happen? Did he really let his feelings take control for a moment? On the one hand he was kinda mad at himself because he did let that happen but on the other hand... there was the way she looked at him. Something told him that he didn’t misunderstand her closeness, her touches - her whole presence in that moment.

But that something seemed to be so little and quiet in his head that he tried not to listen to it.

What didn’t change the fact that he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Neither when Liz put the pillows on the couch, nor when she sat down next to him, facing the TV and they watched the late night news in silence.

——

The next time Ressler opened his eyes the room was immersed in darkness. It had to be in the middle of the night.

While blinking away his tiredness, he tried to figure out his surroundings. His body demonstrated against his waking up since he still had to catch up on a bunch of sleep.

As he became more awake, he noticed a weight on his chest.

It was her.

As far as he could see in the dark, they still were on the couch. But instead of sitting next to each other, he laid on his back and Liz was curled up against him, sleeping calmly while resting her head on his chest. One of his arms was gently put around her back, holding her close. They must’ve fallen asleep while they waited for Agnes to wake up again. Since their week was pretty rough it didn’t really surprise him.

Resslers eyes got more used to the darkness with every minute, so he continued watching his partner sleeping on his chest. She looked not just calm, she looked almost deeply relaxed. That she was sleeping like this on his side, with everything going on in her life, confirmed her trust in him again. That she felt safe with him.

And he loved it.

He couldn’t resist touching her - she looked just too beautiful in his opinion. Besides, one of his arms was already pulled around her anyways. What difference would it make.

Stroking a strand of hair out of her face he took in her expression once more before he softly brushed his thumb over her cheek. What had this woman done to him? For years now he felt the urgent need to protect her, keep her safe and just be there for her when she needed it.

There were so many little things about her that hardly anyone saw because they were hidden behind her serious, yet sometimes cold blooded attitude, she had go used to since Reddington walked into her life. Well, especially since Toms death.

At the time all of it had just begun, so Liz didn’t know much about Reddingtons presence in her life but Ressler and her had already gotten closer, she showed him so much of herself. Evenings like the one they had spent together on her birthday became kind of a ritual. Dinner in the office, takeout at one of their apartments (usually at his since she had mostly lived in a motel room that time) or evening walks after work when there was too much on her mind again and they both needed some fresh air. One or two times, they had even watched a movie together. No matter how weird that state of their almost-nothing-knowing-relationship with Reddington was.. Ressler had really loved that time. Because he and his partner had gotten closer and with that they both had something that kept them balanced. That saved them from feeling lonely many times. Besides, he had learned a lot about her then. Personal things. Her taste in food and movies, her favorite spots to go to when she needed to be alone with her thoughts, what were characteristics she had most likely inherited from Sam.. sometimes if felt to him like as if he was the only person that knew about those certain things.

Even if they hadn’t been the closest friends back then, they built up a strong bond which somehow never ended. It even survived the time she was on the run, the time she faked her death and so many others. Times where they hurt each other.

Meanwhile, she wasn’t as vulnerable anymore. Liz had become a strong woman, who seemed as if she wouldn’t need anyone in her life. He knew that wasn’t the case but the only chance for someone to get that, she had to let you see her weaknesses. Let you look behind the surface. She rarely did to anyone - but to him. Especially in the past two years she allowed him more and more to see her struggles again. Not only by telling him but also by showing him. And every time she did, he felt honored.

Because even if he didn’t want to admit it he knew he loved her.

“Hey..”

Her sleepy voice brought him back to reality. He blinked, still looking at her. Eyes not longer closed she looked up at him, her blue eyes piercing his own as always even though he couldn’t see their color in the darkness.

It was just when his gaze was finally able to move away from her eyes again that he realized he was still stroking her cheek with his thumb. He must’ve continued his gesture while his mind drifted off.

“I-I’m sorry..” he mumbled, his voice all rough from the sleep.

One could tell Liz got goosebumps at the sound of his unfamiliar tone.

Already starting to pull his hand away, she stopped him by cupping his hand with her own, holding it to her cheek. It was the same movement Ressler had done some hours ago, with the difference that Liz wasn’t about to get him away from her.

“Don’t be..” she whispered, earning a surprised and deep look from her partner.

After some seconds had passed he got her message and brought up his other hand as well to run it softly through her hair, getting a bit more confident in touching her.

Not daring to move and risk to destroy the moment Liz simply watched him.

A thin strip of moonlight came through the window and met the freckles that adorned his face. She had always liked how unique her partner looked with them but she had never adored them more than she did in this moment. Locking her eyes into his again, she took in the way he looked at her. And there was it.

There was the longing she already thought she had seen earlier that day. But this time, she was sure. It was there and even if she couldn’t know if that’s the case, she started to believe that it truly was for her. Not just for any kind of fulfilling his desires, no, for her.

But she wanted proof.

Without thinking, Liz grabbed his collar to pull him closer while she popped herself up on one elbow, bringing his lips to hers.

Ressler shivered slightly as her lips met his and she kissed him. His body reacted reflexively, wrapping his arms around her while he responded to the kiss as soft as he could. His mind wasn’t nearly as fast but it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter since his body brought up the only reaction he wanted to show her, the one that was shamelessly true.

Their kiss deepened and got more passionate but it still was soft and careful in a special way. Liz could feel his strong arms holding her just as tight as they did the night she told him that he was her tiny island of calm. But this time it was even more intimate.

Loosening her hand from his collar she slowly wandered to his hair, going through it. Since he hadn’t done his hair much after she called him, there was rarely any hair gel left. It felt way softer than she imagined so she kept going, earning a quiet moan from her partner.

This time it was her who shivered.

Breathing heavily they broke apart some minutes later and Ressler watched her with a whole thunderstorm showing in his eyes.

“L..Liz I-“ he stammered but was interrupted by her.

“Shh, don’t overthink it.”

He swallowed, his voice only a whisper.

“I guess right now I’m not able to think at all..”

Liz smiled and placed a light kiss on his cheek before she sat up. He immediately missed her warmth.

“Come on, we both deserve a good sleep and that in a real bed”

Was this a dream? All of this had to be a dream. He simply couldn’t believe who was now standing in front of him, holding out her hand. She was waiting for him - an image he never dared to dream of.

Still being overwhelmed, Ressler took her hand and silently followed her into the bedroom.

When they laid down Liz cuddled into him and placed her head on his chest once more. She didn’t really know what would happen once they woke up but she didn’t feared it either.

Because this was Donald Ressler. Her partner, her friend, her tiny island of calm. And she trusted him.

“Good night Liz” a soft voice whispered, stroking her back.

“Good night knucklehead”

And even if she couldn’t see it, she knew there was a smile on his lips.

That damn smile which made her fall in love again.

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 10 - Stir caused as Don Nomura uploads a photo of his father, Nomura Katsuya's corpse.

K: This is Dir en grey's Kaoru, starting another episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome.

J, T: Thank you *1

K: Can we have the topic for this episode, Joe.

J: Yes, 'Don Nomura uploads a photo of his father, Nomura Katsuya's corpse to Twitter. Twitter is on fire with calls to delete it.'

Well, the former baseball manager Nomura Katsuya died on the 11th of February, and the photo of his corpse...Well, we say its his son, but they are not related by blood right? Its Nomura's wife, Sachiko's son (*from a previous relationship*). Well, anyway, they are family right? He took a photo of the corpse (*at the funeral*) and uploaded it to social media. Many voices have been raised saying it looks scary or creepy, so 'please delete it'.  Well, how should we think about this? It was a theme which caught my interest.

T: In Japan, we don't generally do that, do we?

J: We don't. Even with the death of close relatives, we don't tend to take photos, do we?

T: Right, we don't take commemorative photos with everyone gathered.

J: No, we don't. I think we tend to give the deceased more of a solemn send off. But I have lived in America for a little while, I mean, not all American's are like this but, you could say for Christianity, they have quite individualistic funerals. Also, when they say goodbye, they sometimes kiss the corpse and so on. Thats normal, and some people even take photos, but the circumstances might change if someone were to upload a photo to social media for all to see. Kaoru, how do you feel about this?

K: Well, lots of people can see it, so maybe its ok to bothered about it...but i don't really mind.  I mean, its his relative, it might be different if it was a stranger...but he's not just some wierdo. Well..I have a feeling its....????*2

T: I've covered Noumra san while I was a sports journalist, and when I was shown this recent photo, in my heart I thought..hmm, his face looks nice, he looks at peace.

J: I see. Well, opinion is very divided on this, but another thought I had about this one photo is...For a while I was chief editor for the magazine Days Japan. Its a photo journalism magazine, and it quite often included war photos. And in that case, well, for war in the middle east etc, the bodies of people who had died were visible in them, so there was a lot of debate about whether or not we should run them. At that time, one line that we took was that, for example, we would not run photos of people who had died in natural disaters, but in relation to war, we thought we must think about why it happened, and that the bodies might hold a message in relation to that. Obviously, we avoided very grotesque photos, but we did run numerous photos of bodies for this reason. Another thing I also conversely thought is, well at this point I don't know if movies do this, but there is a documentary movie called, 'Utanohajimari', I went to see it recently and was quite surprised. At the beginning of the movie, there is a birth scene, and there was a message warning viewers about the scene, that it wouldn't be censored. It was written that you will be watching it uncensored. So I thought, oh ok, but at the same time, in relation to birth and death, the two biggest events in a persons life, the start and the end...in this country we can't quite express ourselves freely. Its essentially a culture of trying to hide these things...I vaguely thought about this. We can get whatever  information we need to live our lives from all sorts of places, and if we don't have that we are seen as falling behind. But, as humans we need to think about why we are here, why we die, where did we come from, where are we going...well, its getting a bit philosophical, but we are living in a comparatively blinkered fashion in this respect. If you upload a photo like this to social media in a country where this type of thing is always concealed, you don't know if they is gonna be a kind of allergic reaction to it. In music and the arts and stuff, there are themes of death, and other things that we should be thinking about, but I think community in this country is missing these expressions....I mean, this photo is not intended  as a work of art, is it, Nomura san's body? Ive kinda thought about that.

K: I thought so too, you don't see it often do you? There was that...???*3

J: Ah, yes yes

K: There was a lot in that. Compared to that, this is..

J: Well, its true, in this country birth and death aren't exactly 'taboo', but we deal with it....Well, we are not a particularly religious country, so maybe that has something to do with it.

Kami: As for me..

J: Oh, he's here.

Kami: I saw that photo, the photo of him wearing his uniform, and I was moved.

J: Oh he was moved.

Kami: Mmm, I though 'Ah, its Nomura san', and like, 'Oh, The Swallows (*baseball team) .

J: I see. Instead of Rakuten, right?

Kami: No instead of the Hawkes where he got a triple crown. Like, he was greater when he became a manager. Like with Yakult. He kind of raised those teams.

K: He was worldly.

T: If he'd been wearing Hanshin or Rakuten uniforms it would be a bit....right?

K: Yeah. He'd say, 'No, not those!'.

J: I really think so.

K: I think Nomu san had great power with Hanshin and Rakuten. Later Hoshino san also had a lot of success, but yeah, think Nomu san had great power.

J: He made them, right? The base for a winning team.

K: But of course, the Swallows...

J: Yeah, whatever you say, Nomu san was there, and raised Furuta. At that time, we didn't know how far the word 'ID baseball' would go.

T: Thats right.

J: I think its amazing how that penetrated the world.

Kami: Its amazing how he got a triple crown as a catcher. But he didn't really boast about that during his active years. People are thinking of the Swallows when they see him in uniform now right? Thats what i imagine anyway. He wasn't like 'Look at me!', he was more like one of the team. I feel it deeply, I feel the art.

J: Certainly I think it has that kind of message.  By the way, do you become a god after dying? How does it work? Are you born a god? I've always wanted to know this.

Kami: Gods?  Gods are there from the start.

J: Oh from the start? You are born a god?

Kami: No, we're not born, we just are.

J: Oh its like that?

T: Thats complex

J: I see, thats deep.

K: They already are, right?

J: Yeah

Kami: Gods don't have a beginning or an end.

K: Wow

J: Is that so?

K: I want to try saying that.

J: Right. ..He hasn't even proved once that he's real though.

K: But it means you must be around for billions of years.

Kami: Its not billions of years, iｍ ever-lasting. 

K: Oh, again.

J: Out it comes. He came out with that.

Kami: You guys just can't understand it.

K: No, we can't, not at all.

J: He always says it in a really cool voice too.

T: If i said that to my wife, she would laugh at me so much.

J: 'Im ever lasting too'.

*K laughs*

J: She'll usually say 'whats wrong with you?!'

This is really terrible. So, Kami, you don't die, you are not born?

Kami: Yeh, im timeless.

K: But you have an hourly wage, right?

*J laughs*

J: He has no concept of time but he works for an hourly wage!

Kami: Yes, thats right.

J: He's so stupid.

T: An incredible god.

J: I mean it. A god who needs money, like he needs to eat.

K: Its realistic right?

J: Yes, realistic.

K: He drops in just like that, doesn't he.

J: Im thankful for him...Well i have some sympathy for him, he's ever lasting, but he still has to eat, and earn a living. I don't know if im thankful or not thankful.

Kami: Thats why people call me a cheater.

T: He worries a lot about getting called a cheater.

K: We hear it a lot though.

T: Right, its hitting him where it hurts.

J: He says it everytime, I think if effects him a lot. But like Kami says..wearing a Yakult uniform...right?

K: Yeah

J: And his face looked really peaceful. I think perhaps, living in this country, we are a bit too indifferent towards birth and death.

K: There were probably quite a few young people who have never seen this kinda of thing before, so they won't be used to it if they are seeing it for the first time.

T: Its quite a complicated feeling coming into close contact with death or a dead body like that. When my relatives, or my grandma etc have died...I can't put that feeling into words, when you see them..what is that feeling. Do you have that experience, Joe?

J: Well, yes within my family, or friends. You can't put it into words...

T: Its a kind of lonliness, but not quite..and also a bit frightening. Its very difficult to express...the feeling when a person dies.

K: In those times, its like there is an atmosphere of trying not to say anything wierd. Like, there are certain set greetings like 'Im sorry for your loss'. There's this kind of pattern. I think that creates this kind of atmosphere.

J: Yeah, maybe.....I know a lot of people in bands, and when that type of person dies, thier funerals are quite individualistic..its kind of a relief to see. There are different ways to pay respects or connect with a death, and I think we ought to consider that more. I don't think its right to make death into a taboo.

T: Recently, Uchida Yuya san had a very 'rock' send off, didn't he?

J: Yes, he did! ...so I had these thoughts and picked up on this news.

K: Well, lets finish up here. Everyone please subscribe.

T, Kami: Please.

J: Thank you very much

*1 Im wondering what's the best way to translate 'よろしくお願いします/yoroshiku onegaishimasu'..

*2, 3 These bits frustrate me, as I can hear what he's saying, but i can't seem to figure out what he means. I feel like im missing something really obvious.

[scummy-writes]

I guess it’s my turn to misunderstand you. For some reason I processed the last part as you weren’t going to reply and you were done? Not sure how I got there on a reread-

I brought up the other Da Vinci theories cause they somehow came up in my research on the man as a whole.

The female/hermaphrodite came from someone pointing out that the Mona Lisa and Da Vinci’s self portrait shares similar features. (X) And I found another one about the Mona Lisa also being Da Vinci in drag. (X)

I definitely recognize the factors. Which is why I genuinely have no opinion about the theory. What prompted my little info dump was a comment section in the IkeVamp Da Vinci wiki. One of the commenters falsely claimed (more accurately put falsely framed) that tons of historians sorta confirmed the theory when they didn’t. It wasn’t quite true and in a moment of excitement to gush about my research and desire to discuss the comment, I dropped so much information about everything that well- it got messy in 18 notes.

That’s another factor that I tend to like to point out in many of these topics. Cultural norms have shifted over time and the norms were very different depending on the country. So what we many see as one thing could be very different in another. Like the Soviet brotherly kiss, many Russians will get quite upset that people keep making the kiss romantic when it’s more platonic. It’s placing modern western views on things that don’t line up.

Yes, I realize that my thought process is literally all over the place. I’m trying to keep it still very narrow in terms of how quickly I jump.

I haven’t found the theories about Newton having ADHD/autism. So thank you for giving me more things to look up.

I do know that Newton liked to read books from Middle Easterners so his knowledge of gravity and such did come from their research & knowledge. Sorta wish that Cybird expanded upon the nerdy boy a bit in that aspect.

As for the recent aspects of the discussion, you can say that I don’t have to apologize. However it’s a massive habit, especially in discussions where my mental state keeps causing my train to keep being derailed. I’ve gotten quite a bit of lectures from my parents on being consistent and clear yet I struggle massively with it.

It happens, and to quite a bit of people, but I forget how quickly sexuality and gender can cause a fight if left unchecked. So being clear and having less of those problems would almost be necessary.

It happens!

Thanks for the links!

That makes a lot of sense, I get excited too and gush, so thats understandable. And well, you know, theres only so much you can say in an anon message. I'm sorry I misunderstood so badly.

There's a lot of factors when it comes to considerin these things, yes, and i think it requires a lot of discussion. I hope this didnt scare you off from furthering the discussion in general (with others or not) ;;

And! A friend told me about that newton fact. It would have been nice having it mentioned in the game, I agree.

I dont remember how solid the theories were on him having adhd/autism, or how many articles I ran into about it (i dont think it was a lot? Its been a good few....months....)

And, well qq if it makes you feel better. I just keep saying that you don't have to apologize since you weren't in the wrong here. I jumped to conclusions with a misunderstanding and caused issues, none of that is your fault.

While I thank you for your offer on continuing in an IM, I hardly message many people here, so I will have to politely decline the offer. However, I wanted to let you know that it was appreciated that you apologized and was willing to continue our conversation about history and the game. I’m going to apologize again for the miscommunications that I had on multiple occasions, especially the portion that sparked the situation.

Its okay! I appreciate you being willing to explain/clarify despite my initial harsh tones. I really hope that none of this deters you from talking to others about it and/or furthering looking into these things. I'm sorry for such a bad experience.

Thank you for talking to me regardless! I hope you have a good day, anon qq