#im sure yesterday nights stress made it all worse too

[pechebeche]

you forget how Physical depression can get when you're on good meds. i have been drinking so much water all week and forcing myself to eat, but i still feel both bloated and nauseous like ive overeaten + dizzy like i haven't eaten in days. no wonder i had-have disordered eating

[luvyeni]

HOT MESS ,, 이제노

pairings ‎⸝⸝⸝ collegecrush!jeno x reader wc. 2.4k

genre. smut

🦢◞  includes ... oral ( fem receiving ), unprotected sex, praise kink , this is kinda angsty.

request. can u write a "campus crush" fic based on jeno's look at the airport please 🙏🩷

「 authors note 𖹭 」 ngl i didn't expect it to be so angsty but reader literally is me and my brain.

❪ masterlist! ❫

your brain was always on go; constantly it was like it never stopped, even when you would sleep it was like your brain wouldn't turn off— it was never ending, and becoming a college student; living on your own made it worse.

running into your class; the professors back was turned around so you snuck in , sitting down. “you're late again.” yoo jimin, your best friend; the complete opposite of you; she was constantly put together, it was like she had everything together. “i stayed up last night to study.” you whispered, huffing out pulling out your ipad, hair all over the place. “how did it go?” you stared at her stoically. “how do you think?” you said. “point taken.” she said.

“maybe you have like adhd or something.” karina walked next to you; watching you go through your messy planner. “because this can't be normal.” she said. “im sure the doctor has something to cure whatever this was.” you shrugged. “with my luck i would probably be too busy and forget to take it.” she laughed. “probably, you're just a hot mess and that's okay, i still love you anyway.” she wrapped her arms around you, calming you. “messy hair and disheveled clothes that i'm pretty sure you had on yesterday and all.”

jeno on the the hand; he seemed to have his life together— he never came to school looking crazy; even after a night out in which he was black out drunk with his group of friends, he'd turn up the next day, showered, shaven and ready to go on with his date. “it almost scary why aren't you hungover.”

haechan groaned, his head down low. “you out drunk me yesterday; jaemin left you in your dorm unable to pick yourself off the floor.” jeno smugly shrugged, his hair black hair was neatly styled, his outfit that he picked that morning neat on his body.. “i feel fine, maybe you should lay off the alcohol.” the boy would've lunged at the boy if he didn't feel like his head was gonna explode. “haechan look you and yn both look like you had a good time last night.”

jeno turned hearing your name, a small smile on his lips, one no one couldn't unless they were looking really close. “fuck off jaemin.” you huffed sitting down. “except yn looks like that all the time.” haechan said, yelling as you began bang on the metal table. “how's that headache? huh you asshole.” jeno held his hand out , stopping you. “you'll hurt yourself.”

he moved his hand away from you; that didn't really help your rapidly beating heart. along with the stress of school and your everyday life; jeno lee was another thing that raced throughout your already cluttered mind; he sometimes was the only thing that could calm your messy mind— not like he noticed or anything.

“she’ll hurt herself— she hurt me!” haechan cried out. “my head.” holding his head in his hands. “jimin hold me.” you all watched karina fight the whining boy off, you laughter making jeno smile slightly, only stopping when jaemin caught him; wiggling his eyebrows at the boy, jaemin was the only one who knew about his crush on the girl.

“you should ask her out.” jaemin said one day out of the blue. “yn, you should ask her out.” jeno was shocked; he thought he did a good job hiding his infatuation with you. “haechan isn't all the way there and renjun could care less, so of course they don't notice, but bro i'm your best friend , and i can tell , and you don't really hide , you literally write the notes down so she can study.” ever since that day, jaemin never let him live it down.

“yn you have a class soon.” jeno turned to you as you looked down at your phone. “oh yeah i better go.” you shot up. “my professor is gonna kill me if im late again.” you collected your things. “jeno don't you have this class too?” renjun asked, he nodded; calmly getting up, saying goodbye to everyone, before walking away; but walking slowly so you'd be able to catch up to him.

you both made it to the class, you found your seat in the back; jeno took a seat in the front like always, occasionally looking back to check on you— he felt bad, watching you stress out all the time, you could never seem to get anything right in your eyes; but in his eyes you were perfect.

“yn.” your professor stopped you as you were leaving out the door. “yes?” you stopped. “your research paper.” she started. “is there something wrong with it?” you sighed, she didn't have to say anything, but you knew. “listen what if i give you an extra day or two, go over it; read my notes and try again.” she said, you nodded. “thank you ma'am.” you turned walking out of the class, where jeno was waiting. “oh jeno you're still here?”

while waiting for you, jeno overheard your conversation with the professor. “yeah, everything okay?” you nodded. “just need to go home and get my head together so i can get this essay right this time.” he walked silently next to you, before he spoke up. “i can help you.” he said. “go over the essay with you.”

“y-you don't have to, it's all word vomit i don't want to put you through that.” he waved you off. “i don't mind it.” you were about to reject him again when he grabbed your arm, stopping you. “let me help you.” your eyes widened at the sudden touch. “sorry.” he said, removing his hand. “it-its okay.” you said, heart racing. “i can come over to your apartment and go over it with you.” he said. “and it won't be a problem?” he shook your head. “you'll never be a problem, okay?” you nodded. “o-okay.”

“come on let's go.”

it had been so long since you had anyone over besides karina and she was used to your madness; but it had been even longer since you had a cute guy over, and you weren't really planning on having one over— otherwise you would have cleaned your room. “it's a little messy.”

“it's okay, it's just clothes.” he smiled watching you frantically pick up the clothes, shoving them in your closet. “sit.” you pointed to your bed. “please, make yourself comfortable.” you said. “um …” you turned to jeno, your face losing all color— he was holding your bra in his hand. “did you forget something?”

you practically lunged at the boy to grab the item, throwing it into your closet. “let's get started.” you said; he smiled watching you go through your bag to pull out your laptop. “here.” you opened it, pulling up the essay. he took the laptop from your hands, your fingertips touching. “let's see, it can't be that bad.”

it was bad; but jeno didn't let you know that— well he tried. “um, okay.” he said, you frowned. “it's bad isn't it?” he sighed, reading through the essay, looking at you; your eyes were desperate. “i can help you fix it.” he said, you sighed. “it's useless.” taking away the laptop. “if only i can get my brain to stop just for a second , my essays won't be so shit.”

you hated this; your brain wouldn't stop, it was overwhelming. “hey.” jeno called your name, you bit at your nails in stress. “hey.” he stopped you, holding your hands down. “calm down , i told you i'll help you wouldn't i?” he said. “i’ve seen worse essays trust me, jaemin will plagiarize if i let him.” he laughed. “i can help you fix this, but you have to calm down first.” your eyes traveled to where your hands met. “you're so cute but you're a hot mess.”

“me-me? cute.” he chuckled; but you were freaking out inside and out, he shook his head, pushing his glasses up his nose bridge. “let's finish this okay?” you nodded. “o-okay.”

after going over the mess of a essay; reading the notes the teacher gave you and jeno talking you through it; you finally put together an essay that was at least readable and would satisfy your professor. “thank you so much jeno, you saved my life.” you smiled. “it was all you, you'll do good if you just turn that pretty little head off and learn to breathe.”

“that's easy for you to say, your life is so put together.” you said. “i can barely get out of bed on time, it's like you said im a hot mess.”

“you don't want to hear my problems.” you said. “the essay is done and you probably have things to do, you can … mph” before you could get the rest out; jenos lips were on yours in feverish kiss, pulling away to give you enough air before his lips were on yours again.

he pulled away again, ready to kiss you again, but you held his chest signaling him to stop immediately. “did i make you uncomfortable?” he said. “no-no.” you said flustered. “just, it happened so fast, and now my head and my heart is racing.” you were rambling on and on and it made jeno want to kiss you again, you were so cute. “then just turn that pretty head off and let me help you.” he looked at you with so much want in his eyes. “okay?”

you nodded, he held the side of your face, pulling you into another kiss; his lips swiping across your bottom lip, sticking his tongue in your mouth , his grip on your waist, lifting your shirt. “lifting your arms for me pretty.” he took your shirt off , throwing it to the floor. “he-hey just because i use my floor as a hamper doesn't mean you do.”

he laughed, “i'll be sure to fold your clothes neatly the next time i fuck you.” he pulled your pants down, leaving you in your mismatched bra and panties. “baby you really are a hot mess aren't you.” he kissed your stomach once he laid you on your back. “i like that.” he reached for your waistband, pulling them down your leg. “keep them open pretty baby.” he kissed the sides of your thighs. “such a pretty little pussy.”

you felt the warmth of his lips as he kissed your cunt. “j-jeno.” it had been a while since you've felt anything like this, and lord was jeno good at what he was doing , licking your folds , his nose brushing up against your clit, for the first time in a very long time; there was only one thing on your mind— it was jeno.

“fuck jeno!” you moaned, gripping his dark locks. “im… im gonna cum.” you whined feeling him removing his lips for your clit , one of his fingers invading your hole. “you gonna cum for me?” you nodded, he groaned , his cock hard; he was ready to fuck you. “y-yes.” you gasped. “pl-please let me cum.”

“shit.” he cursed, adding another finger, curling them inside you. “so tight baby, go ahead and let go for me, make a mess all over my fingers for me.” you gasped out his name , moaning as you came. “good fucking girl.” he fingered you through your orgasm, until you were holding his wrist , grinding against it. “je-jeno.” he no longer looked put together; his hair messy, clothes disheveled— even his brain was running a mile a minute, he finally knew what it was always like in your head. “you look so pretty when you are cumming.”

ridding himself of his clothes; folding your legs in half, giving him a view of your cunt. “pretty little pussy, want me to stuff my fat cock inside?” slotting his cock in between your folds; moving his hips, the tip of his cock catching your clit , both of you moaning. “pl-please fuck me.” you begged. “shh , baby i got you.”

positioning his leaky tip at your entrance, slipping inside. “fuck.” he sighed, your cunt sucking him in. “so tight.” he gasped as he fully bottomed out. “je-jeno you're so big.” you moaned out; his hand coming up to your throat. “yeah, you like my cock stretching your tiny pussy?” he hissed as you tightened around him, your eyes crossed as he plowed into you. “did i fuck you're pretty head empty?” he questioned, a moan following. “had so much fuck so much going on inside it , now it's nothing but my cock.”

he tightened his grip around your throat; speeding up his thrust. “de-deeper jeno, fuck!” the desperation in your voice , you needed to feel him; the deeper he went , the tighter his hand wrapped around your throat— the less you thought about anything, all your troubles floated away. “je-jeno im gonna cum.”

“yeah?” he speed up, cursing as he chased his orgasm. “hold it just a little baby, fuck , wanna cum with you.” his forehead was pressed against his. “i-i can't , jeno im gonna cum.” you gasped , your fingernails digging into his arms. “ugh , fuck!” he cursed , rubbing your clit. “fuck i'm gonna cum , cum for me pretty baby.”

he made direct eye contact with you as you came , cunt gripping him like a vice. “shit!” he pulled out , roughly stroking his cock as he came, his warm seed splashing on your stomach. “fuck fuck fuck.” he squeezed his base , milking himself, groaning. “shit.”

“you want another?” he toyed with your clit. “your little clit is still desperate for my attention.” you moaned , his finger filling you up. “je-jeno.” your glazed over eyes. “your pretty little mind is floating somewhere else isn't it?” he chuckled. “fucked you too dumb?” you gasped , moving your hips, grinding against his hand. “go ahead, cum for me again, pretty.”

you felt like you were floating; mind empty as you came down from second high. “come back to me, pretty girl.” he coached you back down , a smile on his face. “good girl.” he removed his fingers from your cunt. “you did so good for me.”

“something on your mind?” jeno asked as he watched you pick at your nail beds for five minutes. “there's always something on my mind.” you laughed , about to bite your nails , he grabbed your hand, holding your hand down , rubbing your knuckles. “not when you're occupied.” he smirked , you slapped his naked chest. “it's not that.” you said. “it's you.” he tilted his head. “what do you mean?” you shrugged. “you can tell me.” he said, you sighed.

“when you're around you help me not think, you calm me.” you confessed. “so what you're saying you're a hot mess without me?” you pouted. “why are you making fun of me?” you whined , he laughed , wrapping his arms around your body. “thats fine with me.” he kissed your forehead. “you're a hot mess.”

“but you're my hot mess.”

©LUVYENI

[sturnad]

NIGHT SHIFT p2

Pairing: y/n and Chris Sturniolo

Summary: a girl that just started working in a local cafe in her small town and a boy who just moved into her town because of his dads job.

Warnings: none

I couldnt sleep for the whole night cause I kept thinking of him. I hugged my pillow and stuffed my face in it. I let out a small sigh as i felt my eyes close. And suddenly I was asleep.

-

The next day - I woke up in the morning and rubbed my eyes, back and forth. I slowly rolled out of my bed and stretched while letting out a big yawn. I spotted my clock in the corner of my eyes. "Shit-" i said as i quickly started throwing some clothes on. I had a morning shift today and totally forgot to set the alarm. I quickly got ready and rushed into my car outside. I started pulling the handle of my car door and realized i forgot my car keys in my apartment. I quickly ran into the building and went to my apartment, unlocking it aggressively. I picked up the car keys and stormed out of my apartment after locking it.

I drove off to the cafe all stressed out. When I arrived I rushed in and all of the other workers were already there. "Where have you been?" "Youre late." some said with a tone. "Im really sorry guys I totally forgot im working a morning shift today, i- im sorry.." i said while my breathing speed increased. I almost ran out of breath from all the running around. Everyone glared at me and then returned back to their work. I quickly ran to the changing room and changed in my uniform and apron. I came out and started taking some orders.

As I was cleaning up a table i noticed that boy from yesterday sitting in the corner of the cafe behind the table for two. He was with someone older, probably his father or someting. I got all flustered again just by looking at him. After I finished up with cleaning that table i walked over to them awkwardly.

"Hello, may I take your order?" i said politely while waiting patiently.

"Yes hello." his dad spoke as he cleared his throat. The boy kept glancing at me. "Im gonna have a cappuccino and a croissant" his dad said. I nodded and wrote it down. "And Ill take some waffles please" the boy said. I smiled at him as I wrote down his order.

-

I made their order and brought it to their table. As I began placing the coffee on his dads side of table my hands were trembling a bit so I spilled a drop of his coffee accidentally.

"Oh shoot Im really sorry I-" before I could finish my sentence his dad yelled at me. "What the fuck. Be careful, what is wrong with you?!" I trembled at his sudden change of voice and tried apologizing even more but it made it worse. Tears started fulfilling my eyes. "Im really sorry Ill clean that up for you now.." i spoke as i stormed off to get some paper to clean the mess up. The boy started running after me..

"Hey, hold up!" he said. I turned my head around with watery eyes.

"Im so sorry about my dad, are you okay?" he spoke with concern in his eyes. "Ye-yea im fine, thanks.." i respond.

"Are you sure, you seem stressed.."

"Yeah i was just late for work today and im a bit freaked out.." i say.

"Oh.. do you need a hug?" he said. Even though he was a stranger I totally fell in love with i really needed that hug. I nodded and opened my arms for a hug. I fell into his arms, he wrapped his hands around me, patting my back. Later on we both pull away. I smiled at him and thanked him. He smiled back and calmed me down.

"Hey btw are you from around here?" I said out of curiousity. "Im asking out of curiousity, I mean its a small town so I know everyone but Ive never seen you.."

He chuckled and replied "No um me and my dad moved here a week ago cause of his job.."

"Oh thats great, do you like it here?" i asked.

"Its nice.." he nodded. "I actually go the county technical high school here in Cape May" he added.

"Really? Omg me too! How old are you?" i said with excitement.

"Im 19, you?" he responded. I said im 18.

"So were both seniors after the summer break huh?" he said flirtatiously. I nodded. "Yeah, Ill see you soon?" i asked. He nodded and winked. "Hell yeah. Im Chris btw", he smiled, i nodded.

"Im y/n" I said, he smiled and went back to his table, I came over and cleaned the mess i made before.

-

After my shift i went back home and I COULD NOT WAIT for the summer break to end so I could see him again in school.. very unusal for me to think that but fuck i couldnt wait for school.

TAGS:

@imwetforyourmom @slut4mattsturn

@junnniiieee07 @uhnanix @pxndaaa

@thebottledwatersupplier @h3arts4harry

OMGGG WHAT DO WE THINK?? I honestly dont think its that bad. PART 3 COMING OUT SOON!! Love yall <3

[ninak803]

Elitist Nightmares

Another chapter is ready! Enjoy it. & read tags for CW.

@whataboutmyfries I don't know what to say... You're such an incredible good, nice, amazing bean!

Characters belong to @lumosinlove

@sunflowerfox87 here is a new Chapter!

Chapter 6

Remus

Remus walked up and down in his living room. He felt Leo’s eyes on him, following every step he took

The last few days, they had spent refining their plan and by now it was a pretty decent one. Sure, there still were variables, like Sirius himself, but they couldn't do much about it. They also didn't know when they would kick it off or how everything would work out in the end, but their plan couldn't get any better.

Remus sighed and sat down next to Leo.

“I went over it again and again. It's good as it is.” he said.

Leo nodded.

“You're nervous.” he stated.

Remus bit his lip; nervous was an understatement. He was supposed to trust a Black. Someone who was part of the family, who… No. His mind wouldn't go back to his own family. Not now, he still had work to do. He needed to stay calm.

“Yeah. I am. This is just not what I thought this mission would look like, not at all. I like to have control over things and now I have to trust Sirius Black to work with me.” Remus shook his head “I don't like it. I don't like him, I guess.”

“You don't like his family. And if he really is lying, you can still kill him.”

Remus laughed a little.

“You're right.”

They sat in silence for a while, Remus still thinking about everything he and Leo had talked about the last couple of hours. Remus rotated his shoulders a little to get rid of the tension in his muscles. It didn't work.

“You're going to work with O'Hara and Tremblay afterwards.” Remus said.

The younger one turned his head to look at him, something showing in his eyes. Curiosity, joy maybe, but definitely a bit of nervousness.

“They can teach you more. Both of them are pretty good at what they are doing. Usually. And I don't know what Dumbledore wants me to do next, I guess I'll have some time off, which would be good, considering that I have a houseguest by then.”

Leo nodded, a small smile on his lips.

“Yeah, sure. I don't mind. They both seemed… nice.”

Remus looked at him, then grinned a bit.

“Sure. You'll be doing fine with them.”

He took a sip from his coffee and scrunched his nose. It was cold by now and there was nothing worse than cold coffee, he sighed.

“Okay… You have the rest of the day off, Leo. I'm going to meet Sirius tonight and tell him about the details. I don't need you for that.”

“You sure? I could wait in the car, like the last time.”

Remus shook his head.

“No. I appreciate it, but no. You get some sleep tonight.”

---

It was the middle of the night as Remus sneaked through the Blacks mansion. He tried to not make any sound and listened very carefully if there was someone still awake who could notice him. He opened Sirius' bedroom door just a crack and slipped in. It was dark and Remus could hear Sirius soft, regular breaths. He was asleep. Well, not for very long anymore. Remus moved closer to his bed and looked at him; he was lying on his back, his mouth slightly ajar, his hair a mess around his head. He looked… calm. Remus hadn't seen him so relaxed before, he always seemed so stressed and restrained, but right now he seemed peaceful. Remus almost had a bad conscience that he would wake him up any moment. Just almost.

He touched Sirius' shoulder gently. When he didn't react, Remus shook him a bit. That did the trick. Sirius opened his eyes and almost jumped out of his bed when he noticed Remus. His hand moved up to his heart.

“Fuck you. You scared me. That's your way to get in touch with me? Scaring me to death?” Sirius said, his voice still heavy from sleeping.

Sirius sat upright, moved a hand through his hair.

“So what's up, Amber Eyes?”

That confused Remus a bit.

“Amber Eyes?” he asked.

Sirius just shrugged.

“Tell me why you're here.”

Remus sat down next to Sirius on his bed and nodded.

“Okay, so we came up with a plan, how we will handle this situation, but you have to cooperate, otherwise your death is inevitable.”

“Im fine with my death…” Sirius whispered, almost inaudible.

That and the sadness in his voice made Remus heart hurt. He swallowed.

“Well, we're going to fake your death, everyone is going to think you're dead. That'll work for my purposes. And until everything is solved, and we got rid of your parents, you're going to stay at my place. You can't stay at a hotel, people would recognize you.”

Remus looked at Sirius, who remained silent.

“I'll need your blood to prepare the crime scene. It has to be a lot of blood, so it'll be plausible. You'll feel dizzy for a while, but you'll survive. After that I'll bring you to my place and then we have to wait.”

Sirius still didn't say a word, he just looked at Remus with a look he didn't quite understand.

“I have to tell James and my brother.” Sirius then said.

Remus shook his head.

“No. You can't tell anyone. I'm sorry, but I don’t think your brother would lie to your parents about it, I think he couldn't do it.”

“I still have to tell James, though. He is about to lose his job, he has a wife and a child, he needs to know. Also, he is my best friend, he will blame himself for it, he'll think it was his fault. That'll destroy him. I can't let that happen. You want me to work with you? Then let me tell my best friend.” he sounded determined.

Remus sighed.

“You think you can trust him? He's loyal to you, not your parents? He won't sell us out?”

“No.” Sirius laughed a little “He will be happy to know I’m out of my parents' reach, to be honest. I do trust him.”

“Okay, I'll be back on Wednesday. Try to act unsuspicious until then. Oh, and you can't take anything with you… No clothes, no phone, nothing. Otherwise it would look like you had run away.”

Sirius nodded a little.

“Okay…”

Remus got up and looked at him.

“I'll see you on Wednesday then. Don't do anything stupid, Im still watching you, remember that.”

Then he silently made his way out of the house.

---

Sirius

He couldn't fall asleep that night again, too many thoughts occupying his mind.

“You look tired.” James said.

They were on their way to a meeting early in the morning.

“Can we talk later?” Sirius asked him.

James looked at him worriedly.

“ sure. Whenever you want to talk, I'm here. You know that.”

Sirius sighed and nodded. He had three days. Three days he had to act normal, though everything was far from normal.. So he acted normal, he attended the meetings of the day; he said his opinion on topics where no one actually cared what he thought. He ignored the angry looks from his parents. Perfectly normal.

Back home he went to his bedroom with James, who sat down on his bed. Sirius preferred to stay in the moment. He looked at James, who was waiting patiently until he found the courage to say what was on his mind all day. Sirius was sure he had already noticed the nervousness, James knew him better than anyone else.

Sirius sighed.

“Okay, you won't like what I'm telling you now, but promise me you'll listen first.”

James raised an eyebrow, looking confused.

“Okay? I promise, go on then.”

Sirius looked at his hands, fiddling them. He swallowed before he started speaking again.

“So a couple of days ago, this guy broke into my bedroom. He actually came to kill me. He had a knife and everything…” his hand moved up to his throat as he remembered.

Shock showed on James’s face as the realization sank in. He opened his mouth to say something but Sirius lifted his hand before he could start.

“Nothing happened, obviously. I'm good, don't worry. I don't know what made him change his mind, though. He came back yesterday with a plan and you won't like that either: We're going to fake my death and I'm going to hide somewhere, I don't know where yet. And I'm telling you this, so you don't blame yourself for it. this is going to be hell for you. My parents will investigate against you, obviously. You'll get fired, you have to find a new job, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, James…” he swallowed again.

James got up the moment he had finished talking.

“No. That's not going to happen. I won't let that happen. This shouldn't have happened in the first place!” he moved a hand through his hair in frustration.

“James, that's nothing to discuss. It is going to happen, even if you're not okay with it. I just wanted to let you know beforehand.”

James shook his head vigorously.

“It's my chance to get away from my parents, to get out of this hell of a life.” Sirius tried to argue, “Please, don't be angry.”

He looked at his best friend pleading, and James sighed.

“Promise me nothing is going to happen to you. And you have to contact me as soon as possible, I need to know you're okay and not actually dead. Fuck. I don't like this, I don't like this at all.”

Sirius smiled a little.

“I know you don’t. And I promise, I'll behave so no one has to shut my mouth and I'll be in touch.”

He pulled James in for a hug and he wished he never had to let go. He wasn't so sure if Remus would let him call James or write to him, but he was going to try it, anyway.

After a moment, he let go of his best friend reluctantly.

“When?” James asked.

“Soon.” was all Sirius told him.

---

Sirius was sitting on his bed dabbing on his freshly cut lip with a cloth, when the bedroom door opened and his brother stormed in.

“Why can't you just shut up for once in your life? It's like you want her to do this to you! Why do you have to provoke them all the time!” he shouted.

“I just told her what I was thinking.”

“Well then, don’t!”

Sirius shook his head, getting angry with his little brother. Who did he think he was?

“And then what? Just do as they tell me? No. I will not kiss their asses, I'm not you. I don't care what they say about me or what they do to me! And you shouldn’t either.”

Sirius got up and looked down at his brother, both of them angry now.

“I do care what's happening with you! But you know what? Maybe you're right. Maybe I shouldn't. You obviously don't care what consequences your behaviour might have for others! For me. You just care about yourself, you selfish asshole.” and with that Regulus left.

Sirius heard him go to his own bedroom, the door closing loudly.

He rolled his eyes. His brother was such a drama queen sometimes, so Sirius went after him, knocking on his door.

“Reggie, come on. Let me explain everything, without fighting.” he tried.

“No. I don't want to talk to you now. Maybe tomorrow, now fuck off.”

Sirius shook his head, swallowing. They won't be able to talk tomorrow. It was Wednesday already.

p.s. there will be more of Finn, Logan & Leo the following chapters, I promise!!

[daydream-believin]

The Never-Ending Roadtrip (new beginnings)

Summary: Reader joins Douxie in the quest for Nari’s safety. He’ll need company won’t he? - Also, a talk about Merlin and grief. It’s big feelings time. (part two)

Warnings: Swearing, theres like three bad puns and at least one meme im sorry

Word Count: 2713

A/N: inspired by the fact that i recently moved states and it was the most tedious trip ever. It took the entire day. i was bored out of my mind. So i decided to write about going on a long boring roadtrip with Douxie instead. also, i have a black cat myself and i can attest that they are little domesticated demons. she didn’t like the long trip either.

“And what do you think you’re doing?” Douxie deadpanned when he saw (Name) run up to join him on the ship, perching on the edge. “Well I’m coming with you, obviously.” Douxie had known the young woman long enough to know that there would not be a point in arguing. They would just go round and round for hours before she ultimately won. She fought dirty, puppy dog eyes and all. He didn’t have time for this.

After making sure that Archie and Nari were secure, Doux turned back to (Name), “You’re absolutely sure about this decision, love? Once we take off there’s no going back. We could even be running for the rest of our lives. You really should stay with the others,” he warned.

She looked annoyed. “Yes, Doux. I am absolutely sure. I wouldn’t want you to do this alone. And besides, you’ll need me.”

He blushed for a second before realizing she meant he would need her as in extra backup and not that he needed her needed her. Trying not to show the slight disappointment that was written on his face, he chuckled and covered his cheek with his palm, “Of course.”

They set off into the early morning sky. After waving goodbye to the rest of the gang, (Name) clung to the golden railing, looking out over California in amazement. It was like she was in a movie. This was her life changing magic carpet ride. Of course, a lot about her life had seemed to be out of a movie lately. Ever since she discovered her gift for sorcery. Ever since she got mixed up in all this Arcadian mess. Ever since she met Douxie.

Surprisingly, Douxie was really talkative for the first few hours of the trip. (Name) had expected him to be a bit more closed off, considering the week they had just gone through. He was really gushy too, with his heart on his sleeve even more so than usual, and that’s saying something for Douxie. Maybe momentary death was good for unclogging heart pipes.  (Name) was loving it. Not the momentary death thing. That had almost stopped her heart. No, it was so nice to be having such lighthearted conversation with her friends. Kept her from dwelling on things. Once night got closer, though, she couldn’t help it. What could she say, the pink splattered purple sunset made her sentimental. She and Douxie had slipped into a little talk about Arcadia, about the kids, about what had happened, and about what was next for them. Despite her gushing about how happy she was to be here with him, Douxie still felt really guilty that he put her through all this. She made the mistake of telling him how much it scared her, everything that happened earlier. She made a bigger mistake telling him how she cried over his body, refusing to accept that he was gone. He wasn’t of course, but she didn’t know that.

He suddenly got quiet after that. The conversation lulled. Even Nari and Archie seemed to sense that something was off and kept quiet. After watching the stars roll by in silence for a few hours, (Name) started to feel the tug of sleep. She tried to find a cozy spot, but failed, because she was on a ship. A pretty basic little vessel. There were no seats or anything even kind of cushiony. She contemplated using Archie as a pillow, but that probably wouldn’t fly well with him. Pun intended.

Douxie was still as statue, staring out straight ahead into the clouds. Like a grizzled old sea captain. The bags under his eyes were getting worse than usual, but (Name) decided to not to say anything to him and let it be. He looked like he was enjoying the silence. She didn’t think he’d sleep tonight. How could he? She mused. (Name) herself hadn’t even begun to truly process all that had happened. She wished she knew what to say. Anything to comfort him, to let him know she’s be there. But (Name) was no use now, in her sleepy state. She might make it worse. She’d try talking to him in the morning. If he even wanted to talk.

In the end, (Name) wound up leaning against the corner, using her balled up over-shirt as a pillow. It was a bit colder now, but with Nari snuggled up in her lap and Archie stretched out over her legs, she’d be just fine. They might as well had been heaters. Doux wouldn’t join them, insisting that they needed to fly through the entire night to put as much distance between them and Arcadia as possible. He assured them that he’d wake them up if something was the matter. Of course, they were sleeping on an open deck floor. Any sort of trouble would wake them up immediately anyway, but it was a nice thought. (Name) snuggled into her makeshift pillow. She took one last look at Douxie, brooding at the helm, before slipping off to dreamland. It was a mediocre dream.

The morning sun came sooner than (Name) wanted. The cheeky bugger. There was no use trying to go back to sleep. The sun was too big and bright. so, so bright. Nari also stirred when the sun beam hit her face. She blinked blearily and let out a cute yawn. Or at least it would have been cute, had it not been directly into (Name)’s face. (Name) had to give it to Nari though, her morning breath actually didn’t smell bad. It was earthy, floral even. Damn nature spirits. Despite (Name) and Nari being awake, the sun’s rays seemed to have little to no effect on Archie. He could sleep through anything, on anything, at any time. Damn cats.

Douxie looked like the dead. His raven hair was a mess, lips chapped from the wind. Those eyebags had somehow gotten even worse. Douxie gave Tim Burton characters a run for their money. (Name) decided it might be better to wait until she was a bit more awake and articulate to try and talk to him more about… the, ah, events from yesterday. Yet, she was fully aware that if she kept procrastinating, the conversation was just going to get worse and worse. But the timing’s not right. Yes, the timing’s just not right. The stars, they’re not in position. In fact it might be easier if she got him to take a nap first. Yeah, no need to cause sleep deprived Douxie to have an unnecessary breakdown.

It took some convincing, but (Name) finally got him to agree to let her take the helm and get that well deserved rest. Not that Douxie thought he deserved it. He wasn’t too happy about leaving (Name) and Nari alone, figuratively, while he was unconscious and unable to protect them. He wasn’t too happy about a lot of things, really. He especially didn’t care to be alone with his subconscious. But with the worried look (Name) gave him, he couldn’t help but comply with her demands. Her and her bloody puppy dog eyes.

He woke up to the sound of (Name)’s singing. She probably hadn’t meant to wake him up, with her soft voice hushed, but nonetheless he was awake. Douxie was a light sleeper. He had to be, after all his troublesome years. She was singing a sweet little love song. He felt a drumming in his chest as he listened. Speaking of his chest, there seemed to be a bit of pressure on it. A familiar pressure. It started to purr, sending the comforting vibrations through his ribcage. He gave Arch a good scritch behind the ears before sitting up.

“Your voice is so lovely, you know. I cannot imagine why you’re always hiding it.”

Name startled. “Did I wake you?” she asked, concerned since he hadn’t been out but for a few hours.

“Yes, you had,” He began gently, “But, I’m glad.”

“You’re glad?”

“Of course, I got to hear that beautiful singing voice of yours. Quite the rarity, innit?”

(Name) flushed. She wasn’t sure if she was flattered by his compliments or embarrassed that he had caught her singing once again. Still, she tried to refute his words but all that came out was a flustered sputter. Thankfully, Nari came to the rescue. Unintentionally, but a rescue all the same.

“Hisirdoux, now that you are awake, may I ask where it is that we are going?” the small goddess asked.

“Oh, uh, about that,” Doux wrapped his arms behind his back and sucked some air through his teeth, “I actually didn’t have a set place in mind. I think we’ll just wing it. On our winged boat.”

(Name) whipped her head towards him so fast she’d get whiplash. She didn’t even acknowledge the terrible joke. “I’m terribly sorry, but you what.”

“I just thought we’d head northeast for now. Once we run out of land, we’ll pick a new direction. It’s not like we’d be able to stay too long in a place, after all. It’s safer to be constantly moving.” He tried not to sound to unsure in this rambling. He did have a plan, just not one that looked too solid on a piece of paper. It’ll be fine. They’ll be fine.

“I- okay.” She didn’t sound too panicked, which Douxie counted as a win. Still, he didn’t want her to be too stressed about the uncertainties. He figured he might as well just pick a place to ease her fears a bit. She couldn’t worry herself raw, that was his job.

“How about New York City? That can be our first official destination on the Never-Ending Roadtrip.”

“Yeah, yeah okay. New York City, that sounds nice.” Victory.

***

“Ugh, we’ve been flying over basically the same damn thing forever! Can’t this thing go any faster?” (Name) whined as she leaned over the edge like a wilted flower. Her wind-mussed hair hung over her face. It took everything in Douxie not to flinch whenever she got to close to where she might fall out. Sure, she would most likely be able to break her fall with magic, not coming out with too many scratches, but it still scared him just the same. (Name) was gonna give him a heart attack one of these days.

“It’s a fucking magical flying boat, (Name). It goes eighty miles per hour tops. Do you know how advanced that was in the twelfth century? It was a fucking miracle of technology, (Name). It’s not the boat’s fault we’re currently travelling through Kansas.” Doux huffed. He quickly felt guilty for snapping at her and apologized. He felt a bit on edge lately. Their conversation last night kind of freaked him out. He wanted to be a little more protective of her now since she told him about how scared she was, but snapping at her would just accomplish the opposite of getting across how much he cared.

Name sighed. Looking around the ship, she noticed that Nari and Archie were just napping in the sun, completely unbothered by her and Douxie’s loud outbursts. She looked back out into the seemingly infinite grass field again.

“Well, I guess now is a pretty good time,” She said cryptically, “Hisirdoux, we need to talk.”

It was like she just injected ice water into his veins. He didn’t like her tone, plus, those words were never proceeded by something good. Never. “To talk?” he asked with a nervous tinge in his voice, hoping if she elaborated it wouldn’t be as bad as the conclusions he was jumping to.

“Yeah. Talk. About your feelings.” Well now he was panicking. She said that so solemnly. How did she know? Fuzzbuckets, she was about to reject him, on this boat they were stuck on, in the middle of Kansas. Rip out his heart and throw it into the grassy void.

“To talk, about my feelings?” he repeated her again, incredulously. He put on his best fake smile.

“Yes, Doux.” She sat down on the railing near him and crossed her legs. “I just- I think it’s time we had a proper conversation about stuff. Like say, I don’t know, how you’re handling your grief over a certain mentor.”

Douxie quickly let go of the breath, he wasn’t sure when he started holding, in a loud sigh of relief. Oh thank Merlin, he thought this was going to be bad. That’s what she wanted to talk about? Okay, not the problem he was expecting, but one he could deal with. He’s already had a couple of good cries. He spent most of last night mulling over not just Merlin but the whole concept of death. He could talk about the weight of grief hanging over his heart, no big deal.

“I believe I am handling it well, thank you for your concern, Love.” He tried to sound nonchalant.

“Hisirdoux Casperan, you stared out into the distance with unblinking glassy eyes for hours last night and barely spoke to any of us. Hell, you fucking died yesterday, Doux. Don’t think I’ve forgotten about that. You’re not fine. And you’re not weaseling your way out of this conversation either.” She said sternly. They entered an unspoken staring contest.

“Alright, Love, fine. I am fine. Okay?” She quirked her brow. “I am, truly. I’m at peace. He lived a good life and I’ll continue his legacy with honour. Of course I’m still sad about it, but I’ve got other things to focus on right now. Sure, my chest is still heavy, but it’s not crushing like it was when the wound was fresh,” he rubbed the back of his neck, “And I did get my last goodbye talk with him when I was dead,” He chuckled to try and lighten that last bit up, but name still winced at his words.

“Douxie, I just- I know what it’s like, ya know. To suddenly no longer have that father figure in your life. Someone you looked up to for so long. It’s hard Doux, I get that.” She sympathized. She tipped her head down towards the deck floor.

“Well, in a way, he’s already been gone for about, say, nine centuries. I’ve had my time away from him, so I know that I can do it. It’s the knowing that now he’s gone gone that’s the real kicker.” He glanced across the boat over to the sleeping pile of fur and greenery. Nari was curled up into a ball while Archie mirrored the same, but on top of her. They were like a couple of stacked buns. Douxie smiled at the sight. “And yet, do you know what makes it all feel better?” Name looked back up at him and furrowed her brows.

“You. And Archie. And Zoe. And Claire. And my bandmates and my coworkers and the rest of the Arcadia gang. I’ve got plenty of people in the world now. I know I’ve got all kinds of love.”  He hung his arm over her shoulders. He had made up his mind, he was going to open his heart to her soon. Almost dying really puts one’s priorities in view. “Recently, a great man, well, a great dragon, told me that family is not just who you have, it’s also who you’re with. If one thing I’ve learned in this nightmare week, it’s that you’ve got to enjoy people while you can. Because once they’re gone, they’re gone. You can’t dwell on past love, you’ve got to soak in the love you’ve got now, or you’ll miss it.”

“I guess I understand that.” (Name) said softly. She took in his words. Focus on the now love, huh. She could use to do that too. She felt his hand move from her shoulder to the small of her back.

“Oh hey look at that, we’re coming up on Missouri. How about we stop for brunch, Love?”

“Oh I’m starving,” Archie butt into the conversation and flew over to rest on (Name)’s shoulder. He did one of those black cat yawns where they turn their entire faces inside out and they become nothing more than a black hole with teeth, “I could really go for a bagel with extra lox right now.”

[shiishki]

okay wait, i changed my mind. you should answer all of these questions as well, if that's what you want from me >:)

oof there's a lot of it, that's what i get for wanting to be ✨aesthetic✨

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

vowels (and the importance of being me) - hunny

honeypie - jawny

pretty young thing - michael jackson

mirrors - justin timberlake

sunflower - red orange county

paradise - rude-a

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

a therapist.

ok someone else.. uhh,, my grand grandma because i only have scratches of memories but i dunno if that counts since she passed away...

*rummages through ancient scripts* uhh ok someone who isn't dead.. uhm,, tommie? yeah I'd like to meet them if i could meet anyone on earth

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

ok, the closest german, english or polish book? nvm i have english

"suddenly was. So I just said thank you a few times too, and Mum" ironically this is one of the normal lines in this book

4: What do you think about most?

the fact that I'll have to do something after school. and I don't know if i want to go to college or get a job bc i have no legitimate idea on what to do with my life. it gets overwhelming, just the lack of knowledge about the actual experience.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

Ok

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with, tho i sleep with just shorts in summer

7: What’s your strangest talent?

not sure if it's a talent, but i can fall asleep anywhere

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls are pretty. boys are pretty

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

by me, yes. no one else has written a poem about me specifically. nvm, tommie wrote one and it shall rest on my wall, or desk, i need to find a place for it

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

uhh i think last month?

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

i don't think so, but i am hella afraid of the possibly gigantic, terrifying things in the ocean depths that humans haven't discovered yet

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

yep, beloved legos as a lil child

13: What’s your religion?

i can't ever remember the name, but i believe gods (from all religions) exist in some way or form. so i believe in different pantheons and etc.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

walking my doggo, skateboarding, thinking about how to make the lives of my characters worse

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind it.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

uhmm the arctic monkeys? or the strokes

17: What was the last lie you told?

i know what i want

18: Do you believe in karma?

yes, the rule of three specifically

19: What does your URL mean?

i don't know. it's something me and my sis came up with and that's just my whole identity now.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

uhh greatest weakness.. i can't finish things. strength is that I'm very stubborn so maybe I'll finish that thing out of spite

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

i grew up thinking crushes were like unicorns. my ex was odd enough to argue with that i didn't love her if i didn't have a crush on her. but I think if i had to guess.. selena gomez, especially in the role of alex russo in wizard of weverly street

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

nope

23: How do you vent your anger?

i write angry letters. sometimes they're sad letters. i write a lot of letters. except i never send them out and no one made a movie about them :}

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

jars and witchy bottles, books? scented candles

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

phone calls are stressful enough as is, i don't need you to see my reading off what i frantically wrote to not stumble over my words

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

i think so, yes, but that won't stop me from becoming better

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate flies buzzing right by my ear, love cat purring

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if I'd been born in a place where it was illegal for me (nonbinary) to live, in a time when others thought of me as a curse?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

they be chilling.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right arm, doggo, left arm, pillow

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

fresh air and doggo, because doggo is with me and I can't live without open windows

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

i dunno tbh

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

which one is less homophobic?

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

every gender is my opposite gender. selena gomez and justin timberlake

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

to make it easier for people down the line

36: Define Art.

make thing, thing goes woo

37: Do you believe in luck?

yis

38: What’s the weather like right now?

it's nice actually, very sunny, slight breeze

39: What time is it?

12.59 am

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

i don't, but i once crashed into a fire department vehicle with my bike. bike ded.

41: What was the last book you read?

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

i legit ass don't know what gasoline smells like.

43: Do you have any nicknames?

many variations of my name, aka. Luce

44: What was the last film you saw?

i think it was Robin Hood: King of Thieves, but it might have been that half of spider-man homecoming i managed to watch with my poor internet

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

oh man i dunno... it's not an injury, but i was very sickly as a lil kid and almost died :)

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

once, years ago

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

hmmm horizon zero dawn i think

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

proud pansexual ^^

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

not really, i don't think they're big enough to be actual rumors,, meh

50: Do you believe in magic?

yis

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

meh. they suck, i know they suck, that's it.

52: What is your astrological sign?

cancer ♋

53: Do you save money or spend it?

i attempt saving. attempt

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

for my own money, sweets. i bought lizards for my cats so they can brush their teeth from my dad's amazon acc

55: Love or lust?

luv

56: In a relationship?

nope, i buy my own cookies

57: How many relationships have you had?

1, kinda toxic toward the end, very stressful, don't recommend

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

nu ><

59: Where were you yesterday?

on the fields walking my doggo

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yep, a pastel pink hoodie in my closet uwu

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

yis, thicc warm socks

62: What’s your favourite animal?

cats

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

cuddles and food.

64: Where is your best friend?

bold of you to assume i have a best friend.

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

tommie-hildebrandt, kageyuji, nekomas-kuroo, joyful-soul-collector

66: What is your heritage?

I'm a demon boi from Poland tho that's not a thing to be proud of, i mean, look at the economy. awful.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

sleeping, trying to sleep.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Pinkton. or Satan.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

this is such an odd combination of words i had to look it up. yea.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

a friend who won't laugh at me when i ask them to order smth for me because I'm too anxious to.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

excuse me? i am saving the doggo wtf. f u boss, I'm gonna sell my tragic story to the news.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) i tell my parents. b) live the hell out of them uwu c) nope uwu.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

trust.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

history maker - dean fujioka :]

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

3332

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

communication, trust, some more communication.

77: How can I win your heart?

let's not pretend to be something else to please each other, and bring some bitter chocolate.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

maybe. it could. i don't have a say in it since my sanity is held by tape.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

eat the pizza. stop caring about others not liking me/parts of me. just living for myself uwu.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

uh i dunno how the american sizes work and i don't wanna look it up so, 39, 40 fits too.

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

demon boi

82: What is your favourite word?

socks.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

the bloody organ that sits in your chest and pumps blood into your body so you don't die.

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

uhm im not sure if that counts as a saying, but fake it till you make it

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

blinding lights - the weeknd

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

oh a normal question people use for ice breaking, sea blue and pastel variations of it.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

like my wallpaper? or the actual picture that sits on my desk? or how my desk looks like atm? it's ugly, a lot of papers and pens and schoolbooks.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

donald trump. or the next asshole who'll try to take the rights of the lgbt and poc away

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

this. this is the question.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

yo there's a pizza somewhere in the refrigerator, want me to heat it up? we can have a sleep over and talk about our feelings :3

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

telekinesis! or shapeshifting! i could do such fun things with telekinesis ^^ yeah I'd totally eat some radioactive veggies

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

that time my "friends" got me into shoplifting, half-hour is more than enough to punch some sense into my brain and develop good music taste

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

can i save this one? i don't think i have an experience horrible enough to be erased haha

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

sleep as in.. uh no thank u. but I'm down for a sleep over with sam smith ^^

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

just me? what about my pets? my fam? it's lowkey illegal for me to go just anywhere without them owO

uhhmm, greece. imma become part of the greek pantheon out of pure spite. and maybe toronto canada.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

not any that i know of o.o

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

i think i may have but i honestly don't remember

98: Ever been on a plane?

nope, i dunno if i like planes, but I'd probably sleep if i were on one.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

yeet.

[northcarolinanative]

𝙲𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗/𝙲𝚑 𝟷𝟹

Chapter 13: Don’t Remind Me 

A/N: I am so sorry for the late update. I haven’t been feeling particularly motivated the past week or so, but hopefully, I am back and will be writing more:) thank you guys so much for reading my stuff, it means the world really. As always my asks/requests/messages are open:) 

Description: John B’s Sister comes home from staying with their mom, only to find out that her brother is missing and her dad was murdered. JJ may have just lost his best friend. Her and JJ have to figure out what to do and how to pick up the pieces.

Need to catch up?  Full Collision Masterlist

JJ insisted that we both text Kie and Pope about the previous encounter with Barry. He wanted to make sure that they were aware of the situation, and were looking out for Rafe. If anything, after the way Rafe looked when I saw him, Pope should be scared. JJ was getting frustrated, repeating what we had to do to me. He kept pacing through the kitchen, clearly still on edge from the encounter with Barry. 

“Deny, Deny, Deny,” I spoke cutting JJ off. “I know,” I spoke standing up and walking to the opposite side of the bar that JJ was leaning against. “We don’t know anything, the hot tub was a gift from uncle T, felt bad for leaving JB here alone so much right?” I questioned him. 

He shrugged his shoulders before nodding. “I need to get 50k quick, Y/N.” He said again. “How the hell am I gonna do that? I mean Pope said he’d help me pay back the restitution, but I can’t ask him to do that.” He shook his head. 

I hated how JJ was so stubborn, especially now. “Hey, you didn’t pull the plug on Topper’s boat yourself right?” I looked at him raising an eyebrow, the stern tone of my voice was evident. 

“I talked him into it though. You and I both know Pope would not have done that if I wouldn’t have been there.” He fired back. 

“Well, he still did it JJ, which is why I think that you should let him help you pay back the restitution. You put this on your record, this isn’t just a fight on the point or shoplifting JJ, you took the fall for a felony.” I said emphasizing what he did. 

“Thanks, Y/N. I really needed a reminder of that” He spat out, pushing himself off the counter turning and pulling his hands through his hair. I could tell that I was getting under his skin, but he needed to hear it. At least that’s what I was telling myself. “You gonna remind me that I also stole money from a drug dealer, or that the cops could come banging on the door because Rafe was found innocent and I am an accomplice to murder, or that just lost my best friend searching for a damn ship?” He said turning around, his voice rising with each point. 

“Oh don’t even go there JJ,” I said warning him about his last statement, standing up from my seat. He scoffed and shook his head.

 “I lost my best friend, and you lost your brother dude. The guy who’s guilty just beat you in front of the other fucking kooks. How are you not pissed?” He asked as he moved closer to me. I could feel the anger radiating off his body. I was almost always the one to stay calm when the boys would get hot-headed. I was always the level headed one, especially last summer when Kie wasn’t around. “We’re alone Y/N. How are we gonna do this?” He said. While he fronted the statement with rage and anger I heard the pain behind it. We didn’t have parents to run home to at night, or a rich family to bail him out, we had us and the small hope that John B and Sarah were alive. Alive in Nassau. 

“JJ, take a deep breath alright,” I said trying to calm him down. I didn’t want him to break. I felt it coming, with all the pressure that he was feeling right now, I could sense that a breaking point was close. “Please,” I whispered to him, putting my hand on his bicep trying to get him to look at me. 

“No, Y/N, I won’t calm down.” He said shaking my hand from his arm. “I’m fucking livid and you should be too.” He said before storming out of the house. 

“JJ please wait.” I yelled as I stepped out onto the porch, but it was too late. I heard the familiar sound of his bike as it revved and the cloud of sandy dust was kicked up behind him. 

I sighed, leaning my head against the door frame leading outside. I had been through this before, but it was different this time, this time it was JJ instead of John B. After the disappearance of our father John B and I would stay on the phone for hours recounting memories and talking about what he could have been doing. Neither of us was ready to think of the alternative, so we would say that he fled into Canada, or that he was on some island he bought with the gold. We made up crazy theories and laughed but the conversations almost always took a turn to JB recounting the last few moments he had spent with his father. I could hear the guilt that he felt for what he had said to him. Even after months, during our last phone call, he was angry, talking about how DCS wanted to move him because Uncle T was off somewhere and JB couldn’t get to him. 

When I offered to get to reach out he said he didn’t want her help. While mine and my mother's relationship was definitely not something I bragged about, her relationship with John B was worse, almost nonexistent, but with a heavy seasoning of hate. John B blamed her for the divorce, saying she could have stayed on the Island, saying that she ran away from her mistakes. Both John B and I were too young at the time to understand what had happened between our parents. All we had been able to piece together from the two of them was that our mother had an affair with someone from Figure 8, causing their divorce. 

I looked out over the yard, seeing the hot tub as the sun reflected off the still water, my thoughts made their way back to JJ. I understood why he was mad. He had 30k in restitution, while Rafe and Ward Cameron walked, untouched by the law, for killing the sheriff. I wanted Rafe to rot in a prison cell, but knew that mine and the pogues' statements held nothing against Ward's “eyewitness testimony.” 

I was shaken from my thoughts as a loud knock echoed through the house. I was startled, about to make a run for it when I heard it again followed by a loud male voice. “Kildare County Sheriff’s Department.” I froze walking into the house looking for anything incriminating that they might try to take from us. Another knock echoed and seemed to shake the house with it.

 I made my way to the door, taking a deep breath before turning the handle and pulling the door open, just enough for them to see me and my face. “How can I help you?” I stated, putting on the friendliest smile that I could muster up. 

I recognized the officer as Shoupe, but the other was a female, had a few old cuts, and bruises littering her face. Shoope looked at me and then back to the officer to his right. I could see him putting the pieces together. Why did I open the door? I knew this was gonna happen eventually. “I knew you looked familiar when I saw you at the point the other day,” Shoope said as he finally put it all together. His partner had a look of confusion covering her face as she looked between the two of you. “Y/N Routledge” He spoke, the officer’s eyes widening as she looked over me. I nodded sarcastically in her direction, letting her know that I was not satisfied with her facial expression. I looked over at Shoope the same expression towards him, letting him know I was not happy with him. “You here by yourself?” He questioned, trying to look past me in the doorway. 

“No, My mom went to get some stuff from the mainland. We’re cleaning out, going back and forth.” I said quickly. It was a vague enough lie that I hoped he believed. The last thing I need is DCS here, starting the cycle over like it was with John B. 

Shoupe nodded his head but scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion. “Is there something I can help you with or where you just coming to check up on me?” I said leaning against the door frame. 

“We’re looking for JJ, got a few questions for him. He here?” Shoup cut straight to the point. 

I shook my head. “JJ isn’t here,” I said plainly. Technically it wasn’t a lie. Shoupe gave me a questioning look. I shrugged my shoulders, last time I saw him was yesterday morning, he was making deliveries to someone over on Figure 8.” I lied again. This one seemed to please Shoupe as he nodded before stepping back from the door. 

“Thanks, Y/N.” He nodded before moving down the stairs, followed reluctantly by the other officer. He turned one last time and spoke, “We’ll be back to talk to you, your mom, and the rest of your friends.” He smiled, but it just caused my stomach to turn at his words. I watched as they looked back over to me while backing out of the driveway. I smiled before waving to them. I closed the door behind me, sliding my back down until my butt hit the ground. I let my head fall in my hands. JJ was gone, god knows where and the police were looking for him? I slipped my phone out of my pocket, sending a quick text to the other’s saying that the police were sniffing around the area, to lay low. 

I hit my head back against the door and let out a long deep breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding. I was starting to stress out as the day's events seemed to just keep piling up. It was barely 7:30 but I was exhausted, from my encounter with Rafe to the Wreck to Barry to JJ to the cops. I needed a break. 

I made my way over to the bed in the living room, slowly sinking down into it. I rolled over, close to JJ’s side. I wrapped myself in the blanket that somehow managed to smell like him. I laid there, happy for the calm and quiet. One thought kept circulating my mind though. JJ was right, What the fuck are we gonna do?

Full Masterlist

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[mollydollyjournals]

I did more cleaning again today so now my throat is really sore. Tomorrow will be a year since I got covid and it fucked up my throat and sinuses; I thought it was bad enough that the doctor said it could take a year to get better, but it's still just as bad. I hope it's just this one stronger cleaning spray that's irritating my throat because I won't have to use that all the time, just a lot now because everything needs a deep clean. If it's the regular weaker cleaning stuff that does it too then it'll just always hurt.

At least my liver isn't fucked up again though. I was really worried on Sunday night but it's the end of Tuesday now and I'm fine. So I don't think that'll be an issue. I had a lot of cravings today and really wanted to drink. It's a good thing I had the energy to clean tbh - it kept me busy. Hopefully the cravings will go away and I'll be able to do more round the house.

I didn't weigh myself yesterday because I didn't want to see how bad it is. I did today - 156.6. I felt like I was gonna be at least over 157, if not 158. I still do. Everything feels even pudgier than usual. My waist measurement is back over 30in. I'm painfully aware all the time of how huge and disgusting I am. All the fat is just hanging off me and it's disgusting.

I want to get a moisturiser or something to help with loose skin. I don't know if I actually have it or not, or if I will, but I guess it probably wouldn't hurt. If I even manage to lose any weight anyway. I wish I could just not care. I don't want to care about my weight this much. All the odds are against me and all evidence says I'll never be even a healthy weight again, let alone any kind of skinny. It makes no sense for me to keep caring and trying. I should just give up and get on with my life. I wish it was that simple.

My head still hurt today and I'm guessing it will tomorrow. It'll make doing some things difficult, including most exercise. I struggled today with some things. The cleaning sprays probably made it worse. Again, I hope it's a little better tomorrow. I need to at least stay slightly active and work my way up to proper exercise. But I'm also not sure I should put too much stress on it just yet because I need all my energy for the vaccine in a few days. I wish it didn't have so many side effects. Or could weight loss at least be one of them? Let me be tired for a week but also lose 5lbs. I could deal with that.

Idk. Im tired. I should try to sleep. I bet I won't fall asleep for ages though. This would probably be a lot easier if I wasn't so touch starved and on edge all the time.

[letspurpletogether]

Out of the Void || BTS

↳ Summary: The one where the boys stumble upon that one fic and they all end up reading. (This is a crack fic inspired by @btssavedmylifeblr’s Void, because my own words are not enough to describe how an amazing story Void it is, and what a outstanding writer Bee is).

⇢ Warnings: BEWARE OF SPOILERS!! This things should be full of them so I suggest you to read all of Void before reading this just in case. Also, for those entitled rude anons: stop demanding updates from the fan fiction writers like they owe you shit, cause they don’t! And stop coming at them to complain about their publishing schedule. This is done for fun and for free, if you can’t be patient and respect their creative process then fuck off!

A/N: Also, I had so much fun writing this. I wanted to keep adding and adding stuff. However, since english is not my mother language i had some trouble describing the scenes the way I pictured them in my head. Therefore, I decided to leave it like this for now. 

(TT-TT) Im sorry, Bee! I did try my best, I know it doesn’t do Void justice. But I still wanted to write it for you because Void is such an amazing story! 

That’s it! Please,enjoy!

→ 01

[...]

He shouldn’t be doing this.

Hoseok checked over his shoulder again before turning back to the phone in his hands. It wasn’t like if someone were to come into his studio right now and catch him watching porn.

Hell, this was so much worse.

Especially considering how he was supposed to be working on the rap arrangement for the new song, and not checking out a piece of fan-fiction... If Namjoon were to catch him he was going to give him hell for days.

He had strictly advised the six of them against it several times, but to be honest Hoseok was to eager to find out what happened next to actually acknowledge the suggestion. Besides, he was he eldest of the two and it wasn’t like he had to listen to his band member. Joon was only the leader when the cameras were out. Inside their dorms he couldn’t even remember to wash the dishes when he was supposed to or take the clothes out of the dryer so they wouldn’t end up a crumble mess the next morning.

Also, it was all Jimin’s fault.

His dongsaeng had sent him the link without any explanation last week. It was a silly thing they did to each other trying to make the other cringe with whatever weird-ass story they could find, mostly on Twitter. It was all for the laughs but they had stopped doing it when Hoseok had accidentally send Seokjin a rather explicit piece that involved Jimin and Yoongi in a threesome with some kind of catgirl trying to get her pregnant. It was meant for the young boy, of course and that slip of hand had resulted in a hysteric Seokjin exposing them right in front of the others.

Hoseok has been so embarrassed after that he couldn’t even look at Yoongi in the face for a whole ass week. Even though his hyung had said it was fine. It didn’t help that Taehyung and Jungkook wouldn’t let the topic die either. Those rascals, he made sure to make them wore their asses off in the following dance practices.

But anyways, he and Jimin had agreed to stop.

So it was a surprise to receive a new link from him after a couple months. He’d ignored it at first, being too busy with practice and rehearsals to bother with checking it up. But yesterday while waiting for his appointment with the cupping therapist, he’d absentmindedly opened it and was actually surprised with what he’d found. Written in English, it was a space story... and they were astronauts!

At that moment he been too oblivious to care and read the warnings or summary on top of the post. For a moment of innocent wonder he actually got caught up in the first scene. He was a scientist in space, it couldn’t get any cooler than that! But of course, he had soon realized what type of story it was.

The problem was that it didn’t start right off with the porn part like most stories he’s found while browsing the darkest depths of the ARMY’s fandom. He’d read some weird shit himself, demons, half-animal people, male pregnancyㅡHell! even tentacles once. The kind of things his fans could come up with was exhilarating, and it blew his mind that the weirdest and kinkiest were for some reason the best well-written of allㅡ.

But this story was different.

It had a storyline, an actual estructure, inciting incident, clear stakes, the whole pack. Years listening to his father reviewing novels and short-stories had resulted in him developing an appetite for well-written stories. And even though the main character was that Y/N type their fans where so keen about, she wasn’t plain at all. She struggled, and that was nice to read. Besides, all that astronaut stuff sounded so legit that he almost consider the possibility of the author being an astronaut herself. He’d always been a fan of fantasy and sci-fi since he was child and his father brought him the entire collection of Jules Verne’s novels for his eleventh birthday. Stories about voyages to far and unknown places were his guilty pleasure, so of course he got hooked up with this piece faster than he’d ever with any other he’d read so far.

But he couldn’t finished the chapter that time because the masseur was already calling his name. The scrolling bar told him he wasn’t even half way through it, so he’d copied the link for later and went to the therapist office. So now there he was resuming his reading with renewed eagerness.

The main character had just arrived at a green house inside the ship. And there was Yoongi.

Hoseok huffed and raised an eyebrow when he realized this scene focused all on his elder. Wasn’t he supposed to be the main character here? Not that he complained, though. Yoongi’s fingers where indeed nice after all and wouldn’t blame the girl for obsess over them. But in most stories he’d read there was always a lead, and he assumed by the first scene it was going to be himself. Maybe this was a threesome?

He quickly scrolled back up to the story information, searching for the pairing section where he knew his questions would be answered. /OT7 x reader/

He flinched.

“All of us? What...?”. Did that mean everyone was a love interest? Or that the main character was supposed to screw all of them at once? How was that supposed to work if there was just one woman in the whole crew?

Oh wait...

The realization hit him. Of course, that was the whole plot. Seven guys and one girl, and they had to fight for her love? It was something like that for sure, wasn’t it? She would pick one of them and then they’d have sex. He kept reading—

«Your deepest darkest fantasies- the ones you always turned to on your most stressed and anxious nights - were the ones involving the entire crew. The idea of them finding out what a slut you were for them and passing you between them filled you with an embarrassing level of arousal. You would imagine them taking turns filling you until all your thoughts of loneliness and emptiness had been fucked out of you. And you would sleep like a baby.»

—or not...

He scratched his chin, a little confused now. Was this actually going to be gangbang? Or more importantly, was he actually going to read this till the end? He did like threesomes, not that he’d been in one... Yet. Their schedules hardly ever allowed them to properly date someone, and hooking up with a random stranger was way too risky with the level of fame they’d reached at this point. But the idea of threesomes was very appealing, although he’d never actually consider having a gangbang with all his members. However... he wasn’t going to cross off reading about one just yet.

Just as he was about to resume his reading, the door flew open and Jimin‘s face appeared. “Hyung!”

Hoseok jumped in his seat, his phone fell on his lap.

“Shit...!”, he took a deep breath and glared at his band member. “You almost gave me a heart attack, Jimin!”

A sly grin appeared on the youngest face.

“Why? What were you doing?”

Hoseok cleared his throat. Had he been discovered?

“Nothing”, he lied so poorly he wanted to smack himself on the face.

“You were totally reading it, weren’t you?”, Jimin chuckled. “Did you get to the video part already?”

“No, what video part?”

Jimin raised both palms.

“Sorry, not going to give you any spoilers”

Hoseok rolled his eyes. “Anyway... Why did you send it?” He asked, retrieving his phone and unlocking the screen again. “I thought we agreed on not doing that anymore”

“Yeah, but Taehyung send it to me”

“What?” Hoseok frowned, and turned around in his chair to face the boy. That was a surprise. “Why would he...?” He shook his head, sometimes Taehyung needn’t a reason to do the most random things.

Jimin simply shrugged.

“He also sent it to Jungkook and Namjoon-hyung”, Jimin ran his hand through his hair and giggled. “I think everyone is reading it now”

“Wait- What?!” Hoseok chuckled and raised an eyebrow. “Are you for real?”

“Haven’t you checked the group chat?”

“No, I was...” Hoseok pressed his tongue against his cheek. “-reading”.

“Huh”Jimin wiggled his eyebrows. “Is cool isn’t it?”

“Well, it’s ... interesting”, he conceded. Jimin let himself in and plopped down on the spare chair he kept in his studio in case he needed to work with the senior producers.

“Who do you think she’ll choose?”

“For what?”

“Come on, hyung.” Jimin snickered, “You know what I mean”

“Are you sure she is supposed to choose one of us?”

“What-? Obviously...”, Jimin shifted on the sofa, his face stared confused at Hoseok for a moment. But then he gasped, suddenly realizing what he mean. “Do you mean-? All of us?!”

“Why not?” Hoseok shrugged. “It’s just a story, anyways. You know some of our fans like kinky stuff and there’s nothing wrong with that”

“I mean! I know that! Its not-”. Jimin’s face turned a bright shade of red. “W-we shouldn’t be reading about that. What if they get... ideas!” He brought a hand to his forehead and looked back at him with a worried expression. Hoseok spluttered in a laugh, but it soon dwindled when he realized Jimin was actually serious about his concern.

“Jimin...”

“Goddamnit...!” Hoseok observed as his younger member stood up and facepalmed himself “I’m an idiot! I bet that was Taehyung’s plan all along”

“Taehyung’s plan was to have us... read fan-fiction?”

“About a gangbang!”

Hoseok rolled his eyes.

“It’s just fan fiction, Jimin. Not a proposition”, he said, but Jimin wasn’t paying attention to him anymore.

“The others can’t read that. I have to stop them”, and he was about to storm out the door, but Hoseok had to stop him.

“Hey, hey!”, he grabbed him by the elbow. “Now you’re just exaggerating”

“No, I’m not”, Hoseok couldn’t comprehend why Jimin was so scandalized. “We can’t have a gangbang, hyung!”

“No, no, no!”, he “First of all, no one is having a gangbang. Second of all, why does it bother you so much?”

“It doesn’t!”

“Really?”

“I just don’t want to be... I don’t want to share a partner with the six of you”

“Why, you’re worried she might like it too much and dump you?” Hoseok teased. However, upon seeing Jimin getting all self-conscious, the smile was erased from his face.

“Jimin, come on. You don’t really think that would happen”

“I don’t know, you are all good looking and mature, and more talented that-“

“Stop it. You are not less than us, stop beating yourself so much specially over a fictional situation. Do you forget who has the third largest fan base among us?”

“It because ARMY likes when I act all cute and pretty, and want to baby me like a child. I’m the cutie, the tiny one...”, his voiced turned into an almost whisper at the end. “I’m never the big... manly man...”

“Jimin...”

“What?”

“This isn’t about the story, is it?”

“No... yes- well, not this one...”, he paused, looking at his feet, bashfully. “It’s just the other stories...”

“What other stories?”, Hoseok asked, but Jimin just shrugged. “I don’t get it...”

“Ugh- hyung it’s nothing really”, he was quick to reply, standing up again. “You are right, I’m so over-reacting... it’s just a story”

“Okay...”, Hoseok leaned back in his chair and looked again at Jimin who was standing next to the door. Hands behind his back, like a child waiting to be scolded. “You sure that’s all?”

“Yep”, that extra ‘p’ sound at the end was enough evidence that he was lying. But he was also aware of Jimin’s uneasiness so it was probably better to let him off the hook for now.

“Well, then...”, Hoseok rubbed his neck. “I really should get back to work then”

Jimin gave him a short smile and left without saying another word. Hoseok turned around in his chair to face his computer and actually get some work before the day was over.

But maybe...ㅡHe glanced at his phone next to the mouseㅡ, just maybe... one more chapter wouldn’t hurt either.

[...]

It was past three am when he arrived back at the dorm. He usually wasn’t the one to stay overnight at the studio like Joonie and Yoongi-hyung. But time flew from his grasp like an oiled rope after he finished the first chapter and he had to stay late to finish his assignments. He didn’t want Pdogg-hyung to yell at him in their next briefing. However, the pull of the story was too strong for him to resist.

He had gone to sleep right away, and with the first light the next day he was already reaching for his cellphone and logging into the Tumblr account he had created just for this. He needed to know what happened next, story-Jimin had to be out of his mind to give the main character a video of him masturbating. It was a risky move, he wouldn’t think Jimin was capable of it in real life... Maybe Seokjin-hyung was shameless enough to pull that one out, and Taehyung...

“Yeah, probably Taehyung...”, he mused to himself as he propped himself down on his elbows.

“Probably Taehyung what?”, Jimin’s sleepy voice asked from his side of the room.

“Oh! Jiminie, did I wake you?”, Jimin shook his head and asked again what he meant by ‘probably Taehyung’. Hoseok sat on his bed and stretched his arms. “Nothing, it’s just this story...”

“Why do you keep reading it, hyung?”, Jimin groaned and covered his face with both palms in exhaustion. Hoseok simply chuckled, Jimin’s concerns where silly. Plus, he wasn’t going to deny himself the pleasure of a good story just because his roommate thought his best friend was trying to get them to have an orgy.

“We are not having a gangbang, just relax”

Jimin huffed but didn’t argue further.

A sudden nasal shriek shattered the morning’s quietness and reached their ears through the door. Hoseok almost jumped off his bed to Jimin’s, what on earth was that? It sounded like some kind of hysteric bird .

“First you send me that porn thing and then you wanna talk about gangbangs?! Gangbangs!!”

Okay, that hysteric bird sounded like Seokjin now. And by the volume of it, it was coming from the kitchen.

“It’s not like that, hyung! You don’t even listen!” And that was definitely Joon’s.

Hoseok exchanged confused glances with Jimin that soon turned into curious ones. As if on cue, both of them got up their beds and ran into the kitchen to check on their band members.

Namjoon was leaning on the kitchen counter, a cup of coffee in one hand, the other scratching his forehead. Meanwhile Seokjin was beating some eggs in a plastic bowl, ranting about how much porn was acceptable in a household.

“It’s not porn! It’s basically literature!” Namjoon sounded as much fed up as he looked embarrassed. Seokjin let out a sarcastic chuckle.

“It’s porn! And you are a pervert!”

Namjoon rolled his eyes.

“If you could just read it-!”

“I have enough with the viruses that keep popping on the computer because of you shady search historial!” It was hilarious just listening to them arguing back and forth like and old married couple. But Hoseok was more curious about whether they were talking about what he though they were.

“Is this about the space story?”, he chimed in, resting his elbows on the marble island across Seokjin’s cooking station. Jimin climbed on a stool next to him.

“You too, now?”, Seokjin huffed, giving him and Jimin disgusted look. “Not that I’m surprised, considering your fascination with breeding cats”

“It was a cat-girl! And that was a mistake!” Hoseok’s ears suddenly burned. “But whatever...”

“Wait- So did you read it, or not?”, this time Namjoon was the one to speak.

“I am reading it, I’m on chapter two”, he replied and Jimin nodded along.

“Did you get to the video part right?”, Joon asked and before Hoseok had a chance to speak, Seokjin’s loud huff cut him off.

“Can I cook in peace without having to hear about how much you want a gangbang, pleaaaaase?”

“Com’on, hyung! I never said I wanted a gangbang!” Namjoon shot him a glare before turning back to Hoseok. His hands came to fondle with the fruit bowl in front of him.  “What I was trying to explain to this hyung is that I do think it’s an interesting guessing exercise for figuring out the extends of human behaviour in such adverse conditions”

“But you said you wanted to do it!”

“No! I said to explore it as in talk about it! WITH WORDS!”, Namjoon glared at their hyung, as a faint blush covered his cheeks. It was clear that “If you could’ve just listened for a moment instead of acting like a scandalized prude!”

“Yeah, hyung. It’s just a story, you are over reacting”, said Jimin, taking Hoseok by surprise considering all he had to say about it last night.

“Well, forgive me for not wanting a gangbang!”

“No one’s having a gangbang, for God’s sake!”

“I wouldn’t mind”, a fifth voice joined the conversation out of the blue and all the heads turned in the direction of the hallway.

Yoongi-hyung was leaning against the wall, arms crossed and messy bed hair. A slight frown hardening his features. He’d most likely woken up because all of the noise.

Seokjin let out a sarcastic chuckle.

“You too, Yoongi?”

“How long have you been standing there?”, Jimin asked. Yoongi shrugged off a yawn and walked over to grab an apple from the bowl Namjoon was holding. 

“It’s hard to keep sleeping with this hyung nagging so loud this early in the morning”, he pointed to his eldest and bit on the fruit.

“You know what?!”, Seokjin scoffed, and put aside all his cooking implements. “Y’all can make your own breakfast! Seriously...”

And walked away.

“So noisy...”, Yoongi mumbled as he munched on his apple.

“You read it too, hyung?”, Namjoon asked. Yoongi turned to him, leaning on his elbows. Hoseok’s eyes betrayed him as they followed Yoongi’s movements and the way he arched his back, lifting his ass in the air so subtly.

“Since Tae shared it in the group chat I figured I should give it a try”, he shrugged seemingly desinterestedm, but Hoseok knew him better than that. Yoongi liked to pretende he didn’t care about stuff other that making music, but it was clear to him by the way he was behaving, that the older rapper had enjoyed the story a little bit too much. “It was good”.

“You’re only saying that because you are not the main character”, said Jimin.

“At least I’m not the character that gave the girl a video of me jerking off”

“First of all, she asked! and second, you messed up big time keeping that memory card, hyung!”

Yoongi sneered at the younger boy. 

“I got her off, you didn’t”

“Wait, what are you-?”

Jimin’s face turned a bright red, his nosetrils flared. Namjoon just chocked a laugh, almost knocking off the fruit bowl. For a moment, Hoseok only stared in confussion at them. He couldn’t recall something like that happening in the story yet and he realized they were probably far ahead of him. 

“Hey! Don’t give me any spoilers! I haven’t reached that part yet”.

But Yoongi and Jimin just ignored him, continuing their teasing banter.

“I don’t think she’ll forgive you. EVER!”

“She was thinking of me while fucking you”

“At least I got to- to... be with her!”

“You can’t even say fuck without blushing. Space-Jimin is lightyears ahead of you”, a smug grin appeared in Yoongi’s face, clearly pleased with his joke and Jimin’s fuming face.

“That’s a bit rich coming from you, hyung”, Namjoon said with a smirk. “I mean, last time I checked you couldn’t even look at Halsey in her training clothes without turning red as a beetroot”

“That’s-!”, Yoongi coughed, a bite of the apple going the wrong way. Suddenly matching Jimin with his red cheeks. “That’s different!”

“Neither one of you would ever dare to act like the way the author portraits you. Just admit it”, Namjoon snickered. “You don’t have what it takes”.

“Oh, and you do?”

“I’m just saying if the seven of us where trapped in a spaceship and there’s just one woman for miles and miles...”, He crossed his arms, chin raised proudly. “I’m guessing you’d be too shy to get her attention”.

“It’s not a competition, anyway. It’s a story and it has already been written”, argued Yoongi. “And I was her first choice”.

“Technically it was Hobi”, Jimin pointed out. “She was so ready to throw herself over him in that lab scene”.

“Well Hobi doesn’t count here because he did nothing”

“Excuse me?”, Hoseok scoffed. “Clearly I’m the best character, unlike others I’m actually being professional”.

“Yeah, right. Professional until Yoongi-hyung tells you he screwed the main character”, Taehyung popped up from behind him making Hoseok shriek in surprise, followed closely by a sleepy-faced Jungkook.

“You little-! You almost killed me!”, Taehyung only laughed, joining the his chuckling hyungs.

“And he didn’t screw anything- anyone!”, said Jimin.

“Well, his fingers did”.

“Stop talking!”, Hoseok shoved Taehyung aside and shook his head. “You’ve already spoiled the story for me enough as it is! At least let me finish the chapters before we talk about this”.

“Yeah, maybe we shouldn’t talk about it before breakfast”, Namjoon scratched his chin. “Gguk, go tell Jin-hyung he can come back now”.

“Why, was he here?” asked Jungkook. 

“He left because he didn’t what to have a gangbang”, Yoongi answered, almost offended, like he was telling Jungkook his hyung had turned down some fishing trip.

Jungkook’s eyes where suddendly wide open.

“What-?!”

“It’s the story, nevermind!”, Jimin waved a hand in the air in dismissal.

“Wait, so we can’t have a gangbang?”

“Are you serious right now, hyung?”, Jimin gave Yoongi the side eye. His hyung response was simply shrugging.

“I like to keep my options open”.

“Yeah, maybe one thing you shouldn’t keep open is your mouth”. 

The group erupted in laughter at Jimin’s witty comeback. Yoongi raised the hand that held half an apple and pretended to throw it at Jimin’s head, only to join the laughter when the dancer fell from his chair by his motion.

Hoseok chuckled and shook his head. 

What a way to start the day.

. . . .

[renthetigerfurry]

*you play the audio recorder's recording.

"I'm.. *huff, pant* not fine.

I'm *pant* unsure of what to do..

I.. suppose you don't know what's going on. In fact I'm not even sure if there ever will be a 'you' listening to this. But.. it's better if I get things down while... While they're still fresh in my mind.

Long story short, my life as I knew it is ruined. There's no going back to it, and now I'm stuck in a forest at night while someone is trying to catch me..

*Altered breathing can be heard, followed by what sounds like soft sobs.*

It's not.. it's never been.. fair.. I've never hurt anyone nor ever gotten into fights.. then why...

I... Think I should explain some things, in the case someone does find this, someday..

My name is Blake Rutha Bern. And I'm... What you'd call a werewolf. I'm not like the Hollywood depiction of a werewolf however, they make up a lot of stuff.

For starters, it's not just full moon when I transform, but also any time the moon is visible in the sky.

I know what you might be wondering... But no, I'm no killer, and in fact I'm in full control of my wolf form, so no killer instinct either.

As far as I'm concerned though, I'm the only one of my kind, not even my family knew how I managed to become one.

My family, that's right.. my family is dead.. they went out to eat at a restaurant one day, I was supposed to go too, since it was going to be a cloudy day, but the weather forecast turned out to be wrong and it was a clear sky that night, so I had to stay home, since they had already made the reservation.

But later that night a huge storm fell, and on their way back they slipped off the road and fell down the mountain side, after which kind of like insult to injury their car hit a tree, to say they had been mutilated beyond recognition from it would be an understatement.

Their caskets had to remain closed during the funeral for that very reason.. but then I was left alone. In our house. I was 18 when this happened, so I had just become overage a month before the accident. Because I was already overage no one in the rest of my family wanted to take me in, so I ended up living in my old house, alone.

I eventually had to quit university in order to get a job to pay for things like the water and electricity, it was all very stressful, but thankfully my coworkers where nice to me about it, they always went easy on me.. of course I only could take the dayshift for obvious reasons.

To think that all happened four years ago... It's all still a little mind boggling.

Yesterday however, things took a turn for the worse.

Apparently one of my neighbours had been murdered and the police had to investigate the houses nearby to look for clues, apparently they had gotten a permission to do it or something..

At night was when they came, and apparently I had forgotten to lock the door, so they made their way in. I had fallen asleep on the couch but the sound of the door opening woke me up, and I bolted out of there through the back door, I'm pretty sure they saw me so, I just kept running, and running.

Now? I think I've lost them.. but I don't have much on me at the moment. I got hungry so I went around and found a campsite. A tent for one. It looked like the owner of it had gone off to do something, so I took the opportunity to try and get something to eat, I felt horrible trying to steal from the guy, but turned out he didn't have any food on him, only this recording device. And now we've caught up with current events. I know I'll go back to normal once sun rises but.. I can't go back to my house. The police will probably detain me for questioning and once nightime rolls again.. well I don't want to imagine what they'd do to me..

I don't know what to do.. I'm feeling so lost so... Scared... What will I do now? I-

*Leaves rustling can be heard, a wolfish whining can also be heard, after which, whispering of the guy saying* P-please.. if you find this.. I-im not a monster.. please.... help me-

*The audio recorder ran out of memory at that point, so the recording ends abruptly.

[ahh-fxck]

Gay Bar AU: Warrior’s Blues part 4

Hello folks! Here is the next part of my gay bar AU, featuring Geralt and Jaskier.

Big thanks to @stressedspidergirlsfandomblog​ for being such an amazing beta!

Tag list: @astouract​ @smolpoe​ @yes-im-the-violin-girl @ladyknight-keladry

The link to the rest on Ao3 is here.

“Geralt?” A muffled voice calls from outside of the door. Geralt recognizes Jaskier’s voice instantly; Would recognize it anywhere, even though he’s only known him for a night. A flush creeps across his whole body as he dithers, damp towel clutched tightly. “Geralt? Is everything all right?” Jaskier calls again, sounding worried. “Just, it’s two o’ clock in the afternoon… I thought you might be hungry. May I come in?”

Geralt turns to look at the door, seeing the lanky shadow of the handsome man through the shade. He rasps, “I’m fine.” The words seem to unstick him. He strides across to the bed in a swift, efficient movement, drops the towel, and calls gruffly, “I’ll be right there.” He tucks the rest of the items back into his bag in a neat roll, followed by the discharge papers. His injured hand flashes with bright hot pain as he stuffs the papers into his bag, and he growls under his breath. Then he rises and quickly opens the attic door for the man waiting patiently outside.

He is greeted by a charming, crooked smile as Jaskier greets him over a little tray holding two coffees and a couple of open faced bagel sandwiches. There’s sugar, even cream, each in little bowls that bear a buttercup motif. Jaskier himself is dressed in a loose yellow tank top and denim shorts, though these are significantly longer than yesterday, hanging down to just above his knees. His face is lightly stubbled; he hasn’t bothered to shave yet today. Seeing this, Geralt isn’t sure whether to be irked or charmed by how informally the man comports himself.

“There you are,” Jaskier sighs happily, tilting his head and fixing Geralt with a wide smile. “Breakfast?” As Geralt steps stiffly aside to let him in, he nudges past him and into the loft, humming, “Well, I suppose it’s more like lunch, but never mind that. How are you today?” Bending over, he places the tray on the little table, then straightens and glances over his shoulder at Geralt.

Above Jaskier’s house was a small attic studio. It was painted a mellow sky blue inside, with white moulding, furniture, and decorations. It consisted of one room divided into two parts. First, there was a sitting area on a white tiled floor, with wicker chairs and a wicker table with a clear glass top. On a shelf below a windowsill there was an electric kettle and a box of rather rumpled looking tea sachets in their paper envelopes. Mugs were visible on the lower tier, stored neatly upside-down. Behind a half-wall, there was a sleeping area with a twin-size bed and two small dressers emblazoned on the sides with painted cornflowers. By the dusty, empty smell, no one had been up here in some time. There was a bathroom in the corner, with a full sized bathtub and a little sink above which a white mirror hung with makeup lights sat. There was only one entry, a simple white door that led to a steep staircase wrapping around the outside of the blue house and terminating in the driveway. 

The light in the room turns to grey, dim fingers of it penetrating through the windows to caress the simple wicker decorations on the low half-wall separating the sleeping area from the main room. In the bed, Geralt breathes deeply, head lolling awkwardly where it rests halfway on his pillow, his injured hand resting on his chest. 

By the time he had arrived here last night, he had barely been able to hear Jaskier explain the little apartment over the roar of exhaustion in his ears. He had fallen into bed, fully dressed save for his boots, and had moved only once during the night to pull the creamy blue and white duvet over himself when the temperature had finally dropped. He had barely even managed to get his head on the pillow.

Now the temperature creeps back up again as the dawn light warms, turning a rich buttery color as the sun comes up over the horizon. Geralt’s eyes flicker open, habit and light conspiring to rouse him from slumber. He glances around, disoriented, then closes his eyes again quickly. The blue and white room is frighteningly unfamiliar, friendly colors and new smells crushing up against him as he begins to wake. It stirs half-remembered guilt and shame, burning feelings that he would much rather escape. Dimly realizing that he is no longer on a schedule and doesn’t have to wake, Geralt heaves a heavy sigh. Rolling over, he puts his arm over his head and curls softly under the covers. His arm blocks out the light and he retreats into the warm hollow that his body has made in the blankets. With a yawn, he drifts back to sleep.

This process repeats several times, until the room is bright and hot and Geralt’s bladder is achingly full. Each time the guilt and the shame press harder, a growing static that gnaws at him even in his sleep. Finally he is forced to open his eyes. As he lays there with his arm over his face, squinting out at the hot light of the attic, he hears a stereo turn on below him. It’s muffled, too quiet to pick out the words, but the beat is happy and strong. His heart speeds up and stutters as he tries to parse the addition of the music to his already overwhelmed senses, and his lips pull back to show his teeth as he growls in irritation. Sudden tension races along his arms, whipcord strong and hot as lightning. His hand lashes out, bandaged knuckles slamming into the wall before he can think. The world vanishes for a moment in a brief, hot flash of pain that whites his vision out.

The wall reverberates, and below, quiet footsteps pause. A moment later the stereo volume lowers, and the rhythmic sounds of daily living resume. Geralt shakes his head to try and clear the cottony feeling away, tries to shake off the stars exploding behind his eyes from the pain in his hand. Rolling, he staggers out of bed and cradles it to his chest as he limps towards the door he faintly remembers Jaskier indicating as the bathroom. 

The little room is clean and quiet, with very little to say for itself aside from an empty towel ring and a plastic basket full of half-used toiletries sitting on a back shelf. As he passes the mirror he spots his stubbly reflection out of the corner of his eye and remembers that he needs to shave. 

After relieving himself he retreats to his backpack. Squatting down, he eyes the khaki sack critically, bracing himself to confront the contents within. His mouth tastes like ashes as he reaches out and tugs open the zipper. The discharge papers tumble out, pages upon pages of his career on trial sifting to the carpet like dead leaves. Pages of reminders of what he has lost. He can feel his face go numb first, then his tongue, a wave travelling outwards until it robs even his feet of sensation. 

His eyes go blank as he paws automatically through the rest of the sack, retrieving his last pair of clean fatigues, his socks, underwear, straight razor, and soap. He sets these aside jerkily on one of the dressers, then turns and kneels, gathering the papers back into the folder. His movements are sloppy and disjointed as he fumbles the papers together, scanning them without reading them, placing them back in order on autopilot. Then he shoves the folder under the bed, right next to the sack, and straightens. Below him there is still the faint sound of music, and someone’s voice, presumably Jaskier’s, breaks out into a muffled song. In a fog, he grabs his things off of the dresser and heads for the shower.

After he is clean he gets out, dressing himself. The music has stopped by now, and the bathroom has descended into dripping silence. The soggy bandage is still on his hand, but he’s not ready to confront it yet. Instead, he takes his dirty shirt to the mirror, scrubbing some of the steam away. He eyes his reflection critically, then the makeup bulbs, giving them a puzzled grimace. Turning, he retrieves his shaving implements from the shelf next to the plastic basket, coming back to the mirror only reluctantly. The last of the fog from his shower is beginning to clear, and he eyes his reflection uneasily. 

His white hair is shaved short, too short to be mussed by sleep and showering. He has a handsome face. It is pale, with high cheekbones, a square jaw, and lips that have a surprisingly lovely cupid’s bow. Under his wide amber eyes there are shadows though, dark and hollow. The lines of care in his face are graven deeper than usual, darkened by stress and tight with pain. His heart aches as he tries to meet his own gaze, finds that his stomach churns when he tries. Worse, his face is littered with white stubble, making him look grizzled and unkempt. Untrustworthy looking, he decides; undesirable. Still, he realizes as he gingerly flexes his injured hand, there is no way he can safely shave with his straight razor. With a disgruntled sigh, he tosses the shirt back onto the toilet and begins to clean up after himself. 

By the time he is done, there is a tentative knocking on the outside door. Feeling his whole body contract with sudden tension, he stops dead in his tracks halfway out of the bathroom. The rest of the little loft is suffused with light and warmth, a peaceful heat that sinks deep into his bones. He stares about the little room, searching for answers as he tries to figure out how to react.

“Geralt?” A muffled voice calls from outside of the door. Geralt recognizes Jaskier’s voice instantly; Would recognize it anywhere, even though he’s only known him for a night. A flush creeps across his whole body as he dithers, damp towel clutched tightly. “Geralt? Is everything all right?” Jaskier calls again, sounding worried. “Just, it’s two o’ clock in the afternoon… I thought you might be hungry. May I come in?”

Geralt turns to look at the door, seeing the lanky shadow of the handsome man through the shade. He rasps, “I’m fine.” The words seem to unstick him. He strides across to the bed in a swift, efficient movement, drops the towel, and calls gruffly, “I’ll be right there.” He tucks the rest of the items back into his bag in a neat roll, followed by the discharge papers. His injured hand flashes with bright hot pain as he stuffs the papers into his bag, and he growls under his breath. Then he rises and quickly opens the attic door for the man waiting patiently outside.

He is greeted by a charming, crooked smile as Jaskier greets him over a little tray holding two coffees and a couple of open faced bagel sandwiches. There’s sugar, even cream, each in little bowls that bear a buttercup motif. Jaskier himself is dressed in a loose yellow tank top and denim shorts, though these are significantly longer than yesterday, hanging down to just above his knees. His face is lightly stubbled; he hasn’t bothered to shave yet today. Seeing this, Geralt isn’t sure whether to be irked or charmed by how informally the man comports himself. 

“There you are,” Jaskier sighs happily, tilting his head and fixing Geralt with a wide smile. “Breakfast?” As Geralt steps stiffly aside to let him in, he nudges past him and into the loft, humming, “Well, I suppose it’s more like lunch, but never mind that. How are you today?” Bending over, he places the tray on the little table, then straightens and glances over his shoulder at Geralt. 

Geralt is still standing in the doorway, studying the other man with quiet intensity. While he’s been around civilians before, he’s never seen one quite like Jaskier up close, never seen a man so perfectly comfortable in his softness. It makes him want to bark at the man to fuck off, it makes him want to run away… it makes him want to sit and eat and never stop looking at him, ever again. He clears his throat as he feels Jaskier’s gaze upon him, closing the door with a little soft ‘thump’ that he half-feels, half-hears.

Jaskier turns and sits himself down in one of the wicker chairs, gesturing an invitation at the other one. Giving the chair a long stare, Geralt weighs his options. He is right next to the door; all he has to do is turn and walk away. It’s not like he needs anything in his backpack, not really. Even the documentation proving his identity is practically worthless now, and what isn’t, he can eventually replace. 

As if sensing Geralt’s thought process, Jaskier carefully picks up his coffee cup and leans back in the chair, fixing him with a gentle but frank look. “Breakfast makes vanishing into the wild blue yonder a little easier, Geralt. At least have a bite before you go?” 

Geralt fixes the younger man with a look of guarded astonishment. His injured hand twitches on the doorknob, then slides down to rest at his side. It gives a dull throb, but he crams the pain down, ignoring it with practiced skill. Rumbling doubtfully, he rocks back and forth once on his sock feet before tentatively advancing towards the empty chair. His ears burn as he realizes that he is so disoriented that he was genuinely about to run out the door without his shoes, and subsides into the chair across from Jaskier with a sheepish grimace. 

“There, now,” Jaskier says, pleased, and pushes the coffee towards Geralt. Geralt takes it gratefully, humming with pleasure as he picks the warm cup up gingerly in his left hand. He leans his elbows on his thighs and blows on it, feeling the pleasure of the warm steam and rich scent playing across his lips. Unlike the coffee available on base, this smells lively and rich. He takes a tentative sip and raises his eyebrows, impressed. Jaskier beams and pushes the sandwich towards him, too. 

Geralt tentatively tugs the sandwich towards himself with his bandaged hand, cradling the coffee mug in the other. Jaskier’s eyes flicker as he grimaces in pain, his gaze dropping to the soggy bandage that Geralt is still wearing. 

A little furrow appears between his brows, but instead of addressing the pain Geralt is obviously in, he says, “Normally at this time of day today I’m off at work, but luckily for us, I have the day off.” He fixes Geralt with a sunny smile, picking up his bagel and taking a bite out of it. “Which means I’m at your disposal for the rest of the afternoon.”

“Day job?” Geralt inquires, his voice thick and a little hoarse. He grimaces again and takes a swig of coffee to clear his throat. 

Jaskier nods pleasantly, chewing. He watches Geralt’s sore hand out of the corner of his eye thoughtfully as he continues, “Mmhm! I’m an adjunct professor at the college a few blocks from here, get to ride my bike to work on nice days. It’s summer so it’s only office hours and faculty meetings once a week right now, but in fall it picks up.” 

Geralt tilts his head to the side, considering this information, trying to conceal his surprise. “What do you teach?” he asks, after a moment, then picks up his bagel and takes a bite. There’s ham on it, lettuce, tomato, cheese, even a fried egg. The mayonnaise has hints of garlic and rosemary, sharp and delicious. Probably not store made, then. Impressed despite himself, he eyes the sandwich, then Jaskier.  

“Medieval music theory!” Jaskier proclaims, eyes twinkling. “Terribly arcane, I’m afraid, but I simply fell in love with it as a young man, and now here I am.” He sips his coffee and licks a drop of it off of his lower lip reflectively. “At least it helps pay the bills. Worse things could be said for a passion.” Shrugging, he sets the cup back down and takes another bite of his sandwich. “Do you have any plans for the day?” Despite himself, he finds his eye straying back to Geralt’s bad hand, watching with concern as the other man painfully cradles his bagel. 

“No.” Geralt replies shortly, taking another bite of his sandwich. Now that he’s started eating, he can finally feel how hungry he is, and he makes short work of the food. 

Jaskier watches in fascination as the bagel vanishes in only three or four big bites. Geralt finishes by unceremoniously draining his coffee cup. Jaskier searches for something to say, settling on, “Well then. Let’s at least take another look at that hand of yours, darling. I have a first aid kit downstairs.” He puts his half-eaten sandwich back on the tray, along with his empty coffee mug, and stands. “I’ll meet you down there. Do you remember where the front door is?” 

“Yes,” Geralt says, who doesn’t remember anything of the sort. He was far too tired to remember what his name was last night, much less the exact location of the front door of the house. He figures it won’t be hard to find, though, and he is desperate for an excuse to be alone for just another moment while he tries to collect himself. Jaskier nods and heads for the door, beginning to fumble with the tray in an attempt to get the doorknob. Standing hurriedly, he steps around him and pulls the door open. It puts him face to face with the smaller man, and when Jaskier turns another thousand-watt smile on him, he feels like the floor has dropped out from under him, leaving him in free-fall. 

Jaskier studies Geralt’s face for a moment, kind blue eyes tracing the contours of his scarred cheeks and square jaw. He lingers briefly on his lips, chapped and cracked from dehydration and stress. A quick sad expression flits across his face, and he turns away. “All right then, I’ll see you in a moment Geralt.” As he turns and exits, the tension humming between them snaps and dissipates, leaving the air of the attic feeling oddly empty in its wake. 

Geralt closes the door behind him as he leaves, slow and soft, like he half doesn’t want to shut it. He steps back from the door bewildered, feeling his hand pulse and ache with the sudden pounding of his heart. Reluctantly, he glances down at it. The bandage is beginning to dry again, a stiff, disgusting brown from where the blood has soaked into the gauze. His hand itself is swollen and red, far worse than it was yesterday. Running his eyes across it, his lips pull back in a grimace as he notes the mangled skin peeking out from the place where the bandage has come loose. He would take care of it himself, Jaskier be damned, except that he doesn’t have any medical supplies. Deep down, he knows that an infection isn’t worth his pride. 

After a further moment of delay, he returns to the bedside and sits next to his wet towel, staring at his tan leather boots. They are worn but well-cared for, stained, a little thin around the heels on the inside. He ponders how to get them on, as his hand is becoming stiffer by the moment. The pain is growing from a distant misty throb to a full blown, gnawing ache, which makes it difficult to think properly. Gritting his teeth, he decides to just grab them in his good hand and shove them on. The laces he pulls carefully tight. He fumbles with them for a long moment, trying to tie them, but his injured hand is so stiff that he can’t manage proper knots. Grumbling with frustration, he shoves the laces into the top of his boots and stands.

He looks around for the keys to the attic, spotting them on top of one of the dressers where he tossed them the night before. Those go into his pocket before he heads for the door. But, as he reaches it, he stops. His heart constricts in his chest as he hovers there, feeling the weight of his vulnerability pressing down on him. The idea of going into yet another new setting, of sitting across from that unbelievably kind man and letting him touch his hurting hand, is too much to handle. He feels like the oxygen is going out of the room as he stands there with his fingers on the doorknob, unable to move forward, unable to retreat. The room fades into a blurry blue and white impression as he begins to pant, lips numbly tingling. He steps back from the door instinctively, staggering to one of the wicker chairs and sinking into it. 

Time swims as he hunches in the chair, awkwardly pulling his hand in close to his chest and huffing short breaths. Shame sweeps up his body, his posture collapsing as he tries to fight his way out of the panic. When he was young this never happened to him, but recently it had been coming on more and more frequently. He begins quietly, subtly rocking in the chair, pressing his face into his arm. The warmth of it is grounding, the smell of his skin bringing him slowly back into himself. In the end, he stills, leaning back into the chair with a heavy sigh as the tension in his body begins to run out. A fuzzy haze settles over him, and he closes his eyes as the numbness sweeps up and blankets him in darkness. 

He becomes dimly aware of footsteps on the stairs some time later. Stirring, he sits slowly up in the chair, gold eyes focusing on the door as the footsteps come closer. The tall shadow of Jaskier shows through the curtains again, and he hears a gentle knock. “Geralt? Is everything ok?” 

It is not ok, but Geralt doesn’t know how to say that, so instead he calls thickly, “M’fine. Got distracted.” Outside, Jaskier is silent for a moment. Then he says, “I brought my first aid kit upstairs. Would you mind terribly if I came in and looked at your hand?”

Geralt sits stiffly, hand cradled along his collarbone, feeling uneasy and a little trapped. Even his closest friends had rarely treated him with such persistent kindness; had rarely needed to. He was not a person who made himself vulnerable easily, and had gone to great lengths to keep his distance from anyone who might see him that way. On one level, he knew that accepting the man’s kindness was fine. Sensible, even. On the other, all he wanted to do was run until he found someplace dark and quiet to hide and never emerge from, ever again. 

Outside, Jaskier sighs. “Geralt, are you sure you’re okay?” His voice carries a little worried note in it this time that makes Geralt flinch. 

Geralt is tempted to lie again. It comes right to his lips, but stutters and stops before he can speak it as he watches the little movements of the man outside. Feeling oddly light, he stands to walk across the room and opens the door. He steps aside and looks down into Jaskier’s uncertain face, his own expression unreadable, then gestures shortly for him to enter. 

Jaskier does so without argument, ducking inside before the ex-soldier has a chance to close the door on him again. He places the first aid kit on the little glass table and sits, making himself smaller immediately, and Geralt feels himself relax. Seated, the man looks softer, less demanding. He notices that his face is cleaner, too, all the stubble shaved away. Geralt’s bright gaze rakes over him sitting in the wicker chair, taking in the gentleness of his posture, the frank kindness that he regards him with. Stomach still churning uneasily, Geralt notices that he is nevertheless warmed by the gaze fixed on him. He feels his own face soften from a glare into an expression of uncertainty, eyes flicking between Jaskier and the empty chair. 

Jaskier makes no movement whatsoever, his body language quiet and gentle as he continues to watch Geralt in the doorway. He can feel the man’s hot golden gaze searing across him, feels the weight of his attention as he considers what to do. He is hummingly aware of how dangerous the tall man looks, his toned body alert beneath his fatigues. Despite that, he finds that he is unafraid. He slowly leans back, sweeping his hand towards the first aid kit. 

“I won’t touch you if you don’t want help. I just thought you might need this.” He feels his heart constrict a little in his chest as the man obviously relaxes, uncertain expression easing. All he wants to do is stand and push the man into the chair, to lavish him with gentle affection, but he gets the sense that this could cause the man to shut down or worse, lash out. So he holds still, exquisitely still, allowing Geralt to come to his own conclusions. 

Geralt relaxes as Jaskier leans back, offering him the first aid kit. He feels by turns ashamed and relieved, his throat tight and his cheeks burning. Flexing his good hand slowly, he pushes at the numbness that is trapping him, urging it to abate. Feeling begins to return to the tip of his tongue, his lips, slowly spreading until he finds himself able to move freely again. Clearing his throat, he walks to the empty wicker chair and sits without further comment. Rummaging through the first aid supplies, he pulls out what he needs in silence. 

Jaskier watches as the man bends to the task of caring for his hand. When he peels the bandage off, he leans over to the side and grabs a small wastebasket from near the tea shelf. He extends the basket to Geralt, and Geralt flicks his gaze briefly to him, nodding an acknowledgement as he tosses the bandage into the bin. Then he begins to methodically clean his wounds, face tight and wooden as he wipes them clean with cotton balls soaked in soothing antiseptic. 

Jaskier inspects the wounded hand from a distance as he does so, finally able to get a clear look at it for the first time since yesterday afternoon. The skin is raw and ugly around the knuckles, pitted from the impacts with the tree. His fingers are curled thickly inward, held in place by the swelling that makes his whole hand look angry and bruised. There is a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as Jaskier realizes that these are no mere abrasions that he’s looking at. Not anymore, at least; unless he’s missed his guess, Geralt’s hand looks broken. 

Silence stretches as Geralt cleans, wraps, and tapes his hand. Then, he looks up and flicks his eyes to Jaskier’s for just a moment before cutting off to the side. “I need a hospital for this,” he rumbles, his deep voice cutting through the silence. 

Jaskier’s thinned lips pull into a grimace of dismay and he nods, unsurprised. “There’s a hospital not far away from here. I can drive you.”

[knicole0527]

How Did I Fall For Unwritten History?

So I’m in a whole relationship right? Like a whole fat ass relationship. Like me plus her equals nobody else . Its kinda dope and kinda like coccaine . If she was a drug I’d take it . She grounds me . She makes love to my mind , heart , and then my body . Her way of words sometimes makes me feel stupid because she uses words I cant imagine using . My vocabulary aint that big . But ask me about math or science ? I’m definitely ya girl . She was my missing piece . If that makes any sense at all . We definitely have our rollercoasters but I’ll killl anyone over her and I stand on that . Best part its with who I chose and not who my parents chose or approved of. I actually dont care whether they approve of me or not. Mom didnt want kids anyways. As she put it, she likes “ a return to sender kid “ I know she used to joke about it but I later found it to be true. So at this point either you like my happiness or you dont. But anyways, So we met the first time at work, Afni Call Center to be exact. She was a bet. By bet I mean with green money with coworkers. So I bet that I would get smashed by this girl and they would each owe me 50 bucks. I mean who can turn down money. Plus she was kinda cute and I know she was watching my little booty when I would walk away . I was 80 pounds lighter when we first met .

But here lately things have gone to shit . I can admit I fucked up . Well in the beginning . I cheated . She found out . But I was honestly gone tell her everything but she found out I broke her heart all that and then some . Since I put all my business out there . Only reason why I cheated was because I wanted a kid . I wanted her for sure but I wanted a kid . As time passed us by I realized she doesn’t want kids at all . So I had to make a decision , kids or stick around for my one true love in my adult life . So I looked her in the face , I probably had tears In my eyes and told her I chose her . She looked at me with confusion for a little and I dont think she anted me to flat out give up kids. But I was gone doe what I had to do to keep her by my side .

Now before we get to me cheating . I had an apartment on Old Morgantown Road . I loved that damn space man . Hard wood flooring . Storage unit . I had a w/d hook up . I had a good apartment and I could afford it and be able to live my best life . Rent was 475 a month . Utilities and water ran me about 80 . So I was well within my budget . But my dumb ass got involved with this man who I thought I could change . I was trying to hear from nobody about nothing . I wasnt trying to hear that he was cheating because I felt like I gave him no reason to cheat . I was giving him everything and then some . Hell I let his stupid ass cousin stay on my couch . So they were living rent free right , I know stupid Kendra always doing dumb shit . I should have opened my eyes but I didn’t .

Well he and I are definitely no longer together . He got my little cousin pregnant . I dont know whats worse . That she knew he was still living with me . That she knew we was kin . That he knew we was still together , fucking and living together and I never ask for a dollar . Or that my bosses had to call me in the office with another one of my cousins and sit me down to tell and show me that he was cheating and she was pregnant . It even shocked me that she tried to question me about my niggas car . Like girl he and I live together so yes maam I’m gone drive his car . and she was in shock to see me in the drivers seat . huh . Aint that funny how it all played out though ? But you know , karma got took his dick for a minute . He got the worst news of his life . His heart was just as shattered as mine . His trust was screwed if not worse than mine . He found out that while he was too busy cheating on me , she was getting knocked down by his cousin . LMFAO SERIOUSLY . He did all that cheating and got that girl pregnant and ended up getting played himself . So while I was his woman , he had a side bitch who had a side nigga , but THE SIDE NIGGA HAD A SIDE BITCH . I hadnt had sex with him in a while because things started getting to me and I was becoming very suspicious so I was still going to get checked anyways . But yea . What a fckd up love hexagon . Crazy how we all worked together . But when I reached my snapping point . I became a little on the ratchet side and called his mom and told her come get her sons belongings because he was homeless again . My cousin didnt have her own spot so somebody had to come take care of him because by that time I was done pretending .

Shit got bad for me mentally . I had me fckd up . I lost my job and went broke because I drank and popped it away . I know definitely wasn’t the right thing but I just wanted to feel numb to everything . I didnt really care how I got high just as long as I as high I was okay and at peace .

Alot of time went by and my past came back . She made me feel safe . And she saw me ; like the actual me . She knew something was up . Hell I gained 50 pounds since the last time we seen each other . But when she came back . I dont know if I was more so excited to see her or trying to fuck her right there on the floor at work . I walked in the door and the moment I seen her ... I didnt care who I was talking to , I think Wanda , I’m sorry boo but I seen my old boo and just had to do it . I could not help myself I had to hug her before I did anything else . I had a little more weight on me too because during our last encounter , hmm hmm , I was a bit smaller and hadnt grown boobs yet . So when she seen me running 90 mph to her ; baby girl was in for a shock .

Time went by and we started seeing each other a little more outside of work . Then she started to spend the night . But when she started doing that , I think I made things a little complicated for her at her moms . I had no intentions of doing so but it kinda got weird because she wasnt coming home very much any more . But yall , when I had her all to myself . Do you know how many times I undressed this girl with my eyes . I mean she standing there fully clothed and I seen EVERY INCH of her thru them clothes . It was bad yall . lol . She kinda eventually sorda moved in ; even though I thought she had already moved in . Time went by and things were okay ya know . We were just in the “ talking “ phase and just filling each other out . She started to grow on me a little more than I planned . and then I wanna say it was my birthday or after ? Baby girl was so drunk . She , our mutual friend , and I went to go grab food and drinks . Weeellllllll , I trapped her into drinking and drinking and drinking . We got home ? and she drank and and got funnier as the night went on . I remember that day like it was yesterday and the videos I have are absolutely the funniest videos I have ever recorded . “ butt clouds “ and the car honk that about gave her a damn heart attack .

Anywho times have went on . We decided to go to hilltop and live there . Who would have thought we would live together because I was stern on not wanting to live with her . It was weird living there . Always wondering if or when we were going to get a roommate . Then ? Thats the first time I ever broke a heart . See , she was always wanting to like distinguish a title. Meanwhile I am petrified of titles and labels and shit . Plus I have labeled myself for so long I didnt want to put a label on she and I . So I waited and waited and waited and decided to test waters . By testing waters meaning , I caught baby fever BAD . LIKE BAD BAD . I wanted a kid so bad I didnt think about talking to her first , I was just hoping one day I could be like , surprise baby we are having a baby ; butttttt I was gonna tell her how I got pregnant IF if actually happened . But she kinda beat me to it . She seen the messages on her tablet and as you know it went to shit from there . I broke her heart . I wasnt sure if or when she would or could ever forgive me . ( its JAn232021 ) and I know she still hasn’t forgiven me for anything . Not sure if she will ever get past it enough to love me love me .

We made it official , May 2019. By that time the only things that mattered to me were building a life with her. Come August 2020 . We got a place together and as time went on, I knew something was wrong but I would rather ignore it than have to go to the doctor because that just aint my cup of tea. I hate doctors.. they always wanna diagnose people with shit. I just didn’t wanna be one of those people so I held out as long as I could before it got to the point of being unbearable . I lost yet another good job . At first they thought it was covid and it wasnt . I tested negative for covid . Then I had like 5 appointments that following week . I was put on all types of stuff . I was throwing up everything . I was crying non stop . I was doing things not in my normal regimen . Thats when things fell harder on her . Harder as in bills , and stress and everything . I became that burden . I became the thing in the relationship that puts everything on the line . I became the complete failure in the relationship .

I wasn’t able to help like I planned . in fact my checks were so small that every pay day because I had all my bills and people I owed money to on auto pay and I kept making promises, put me in the negatives . I was in the negatives for 3 to 4 months . So imagine being the one in the relationship who didnt feel welcome . Who didnt feel like I deserved the love and things like that . All I wanted to do was help out and I couldn’t . Made me want to pack up and wait until I knew she was gone so I could leave . I didn’t know what to do . But I knew I was pretty much of no use . I knew that she resented me . I knew it pushed things back so far it may never come back to normal .

But now , Im better than I was still struggling though .  But I have this amazing job . I have a job where I can do my part and not hurt . I have a job where I can finally help out now . But its not enough . I’m not enough . The love is not enough anymore . I have became disposable . I have become the one who broke and shattered her heart and trust in her adult love life . How do I come back from it ? How do I rescue something that may have already died ? Am I worth it ? Am I better off without ? Do I deserve her ? She deserves the world and I want to give it to her I do .

But idk , maybe my mom was right . just maybe the only things I’m good at are singing and laying on my back . Havent accomplished shit yet . Got banned from a job because I tried to put my hands on someone . Got fired from 3 good fucking jobs because of my health .

Im crashing at this point . My future is on edge . I am on edge . this is not cool dude . But I will play the hand I’m dealt . Maybe I will win and marry the woMAN of my dreams . Or maybe I will just fck it up once again . We Will See .

[ohtheseboysilove]

Ghost from the past V [Roger Taylor x F!Reader]

Words : 4, 500 K + (don’t know what happened)

Warnings : language, angst, fluff, the usual 

Summary :  Reader and Roger are in love and happy. Until Ally, first love and ex-girlfriend of Roger come back after years of silence, bringing chaos in their perfect life.

Note : finally chapter 5...im posting it earlier than I thought but m not fan of this one but I can’t do better honestly, chaper 6 & 7 are much better. I’m almost done with this story, I will probably do 9 chapters, maybe 10 but not more. I really appreciate all the love you sent me guys, it’s so so cool to read all your messages, thanks again ! I love you all my cutie pies !!

 Masterlist & Requests

@/none of these  gifs are mine xx

“Why didn’t you tell me ?” You asked Roger, your eyes puffy from the poor sleep you had the night before. “You should have tell me you were fucking married Rog ! Your ex-girlfriend had to do it, I’m so embarrassed right now, my god” You sighed deeply and rubbed your face, exhausted by all the previous events.

You and the drummer were currently sitting in your bed, facing each other to talk about the situation. He just came back from Ally’s place and even if you were hurt, you were a grown ass woman and decided to stop dramatising the last events, you needed to confront Roger about this wedding. You loved him too much to throw away three years of your life together without giving him a chance to explain himself. You tried to focus on the fact that the marriage was only valid in the state of Nevada and nowhere else...well he wasn’t entire sure of that but you decided to ignore that fact, for the sake of your mental health...You had a hard time to believe that he hid this marriage from you, purposely. You needed to understand.

“(Y/N), I swear on Seth’s head, I never thought about this night again, never. I completely forget about it until yesterday. I...fuck, I will do anything to prove you this wedding never meant anything.. You’re the only one I want to marry, I don’t want you to doubt about it, not for a second” He grabbed your hands and squeezed them before pressing a kiss on your wedding ring. “I swear, I forget about it, I never declared our...engagement to the english authority or whatever. I’m not even sure it’s valid, the papers probably never left this shitty wedding chapel” He shook his head, his gaze never leaving yours. You nodded slowly, feeling a little bit lighter. You knew your Roger, he was good at a lot of things but lying wasn’t one of his talent and when he had tell you he forget about this, you believed him.

“Okay Roger” You murmured and squeezed back his hands. Of course you believed him, you wouldn’t have accepted the ring if you had any doubt about his sincerity. He deserved a second chance. You weren’t perfect and he wasn’t either, no one was and maybe you would regret it later but right now, the only thing you wanted was to forget the evening before and had your fiancé back in your arms. Nothing else. “It was humiliating to hear about your wedding by Ally”

“I know, I’m sorry. It’s just never matter to me, it’s was just a drunk joke, nothing more” The blond shrugged and caressed gently your knee, trying to convince you. “And are you even surprise that something like this happened to me ? Getting drunk and married at Vegas ? You know how stupid I can be when I’m partying a bit too hard” He gave you a tentative smile and a small one creeped on your lips, he wasn’t totally wrong.

“I give you that. But this is the last time, Roger. I want to know everything, no more secret” He nodded eagerly and relieved was flowing on his features. “And I want...I want you to treat me like I matter to you more than Ally. You know I love Seth and I’m glad he is in our life but I never accepted to be the second woman in your life. Ally is her mother, I understand that and I want you to have a correct relation with her, I don’t want tension between the two of you, for Seth’s sake but for my own I’m asking you to be honest with her. I want you to tell her that I’m the one you love, not her anymore. She need to hear it from you”

“You think she still love me ?” The drummer asked with surprised face. “I never thought–“

“Of course she’s still in love with you Roger !” You snapped, how could be that blind ? He pinched his lips and nodded silently. “I can’t...I can’t just sit there and feeling like she is more important to you. I don’t want to stress every time you saw her, wondering if you’re gonna leave me for her, I...I don’t won’t live like that” I won’t marry you if the situation don’t change Roger”

“You have my words, baby. You are my priority, you and Seth, I’m sorry I had been so heartless with you. I should have noticed that my behaviour hurt you, I love you so much I thought it was enough for you to not be worry but it’s was clearly stupid” The blond sighed guiltily, he was nervous and sweaty. The fact that you talked about maybe not marrying him did make him understand how bad was the situation, much worse than he thought. “If it was you who had a baby with your ex always around, I would have completely lose my mind. I will...I will make Ally understand, she need to respect you and if she can’t do that, we will see each other only to picking and dropping Seth, nothing more. I would do anything to not losing you my love, I swear to you”

You stared at each other for several minutes before a small smile painted on your features. You were okay but he couldn’t screw up anymore. The atmosphere immediately relaxed after the intense conversation, bringing both of you at the edge of tears but it was necessary. Now you could move on.

He tried to peck your lips but put your hands on his face, pushing him away childishly. He whined and rested his head on your lap, his eyes looking even bigger from above. “Forgive me ? Please ?” He pouted and used his puppy eyes to convince you.

“Don’t think you can escape this one so easily Taylor” You pinched his cheek and slid your fingers into his messy hairs, trying to get ride of the knots. He smirked as he knew you weren’t piss off at him anymore. “I want you to cancel this wedding”

“But babe ! I need to go to Las Vegas for that ! It’s so far away and–“ He stopped talking when he saw your death stare, your fingers tugging at his hairs a bit more harder than necessary. “But I can totally do it– ouch babe ! I can do it for my beautiful fiancée”

“Good. It settled then” You let go of his hairs and he sat up, checking if his hairs were still on his head, his eyes looking at you suspiciously. “I hope you’re planning to go rapidly because I really don’t like the role of mistress you gave to me” You scoffed and he rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, I will...really soon” He tilted pouty lips toward you and sighed happily when you reply to his kiss. “Maybe you can come with me ?”

“I’m not very fond of the idea to going somewhere where you are married to someone else” You crossed your arm with a jaded face.

“Oh come on my little sweetheart” He pushed you onto the bed and crawled on top of you, nuzzling his pretty mouth against your neck. “We can have so much fun, just you and me, tons drinks and no cloth on” He sunk playfully his teeth onto your skin, pressing his hips against yours. “We didn’t go on weekend just the both of us since Seth entered our life, we...well, especially you, deserved some good time” You hummed quietly and Roger took that as an encouragement, tangled your legs together. “I can book you some massages for the first day, meanwhile I’m going cancelling this stupid wedding. Then we can do whatever you want, babe. What do you say ?” He raised his head and pressed your forehead together, putting all his weight on you.

“You’re crushing me, blondie” you scoffed as you pretended to be annoyed but both of you knew it wasn’t true. The drummer looked at you with hope in his pretty eyes and you pretended to think about it, not wanting to give in to quickly. The man really succeeded to turn the shitty situation he was, into a little romantic weekend, damn he was good. “Alright, I’m coming with you but only because I want to see the Grand Canyon”

He grinned widely and captured your lips for a steamy kiss which quickly turned into a hot make-out session. You slid a hand between your bodies, lightly palming his bulge through his pants. He moaned lowly into your mouth, bucking his hips into your hands for more friction. When his fingers wandered under your top, brushing your tits, you quickly slapped his hand and pushed him away.

“I don’t know who you think I am but I certainly don’t sleep with married man, Roger” You scoffed before getting up.

“Babe, seriously ?” He cried like a kid who didn’t have his ice cream and he made grabby hands toward you. “Please, come back to bed”

You ignored him and picked up clean clothes from your wardrobe.

“I’m going to take a shower and you’re not invited” You walked into the bathroom in your room and took care to lock the door behind you. The drummer mumbling something from the bed and you chuckled, pretty satisfied of yourself. “You better booked us this trip quickly because you’re not touching him until this marriage is cancel” You yelled through the door.

He booked the four-days trips the very same afternoon.

******************************************************************************

The next days went pretty smooth, you were excited about this trip, totally pushing aside the thoughts about Ally and Freddie and how you were hurt. You couldn’t really do more about them anyway. One of your friend told you to fight back against Ally but it wasn’t a good idea and you knew it. First and most important she was the mother of Roger’s kid and you will be his wife in few months, you and her would see each other even you didn’t want to, starting a war with her wouldn’t be a good thing neither for Rog or Seth.

Secondly, to be honest with yourself, you definitively weren’t good with conflicts, some people had loud mouth and didn’t take shit from anyone, well you weren’t like that. People could see you as a coward as you were avoiding arguments but you simply didn’t like quarrelling, you preferred drop the subject and continued your life, minding your own business. Ally seemed to be your contrary, you saw her humiliated a poor waitress at Freddie’s party and when she chatted her back, she became even louder until the other one decided she wasn’t worth her time.

If you started to be as nasty as her, you were sure she would win, it was in her nature. So, for now, you planned to avoid her or if it wasn’t possible, to had the less interactions possible with her, focussing on Roger instead. He was important, not her.

As soon as you came home from work, around four in the afternoon, the phone rang loudly in the flat.

“(Y/N) Taylor on the phone” The cute laugh of Roger echoing through your ears, making you smiled stupidly. “Hi love”

“I do love the sound of that, can’t wait to make it official” You bit your lower lip, entangling your fingers around the phone cord as you divagated about your wedding with the love of your life. “Are you still here baby ?”

His raspy voice brought you back on earth and you giggled softly. “Yeah, Rog, I’m here. What’s up ? Is everything okay at the studio ?”

“Well, we’re officially done with the album ! The Game is all ready to be release in two weeks” His excited tone made you smiled even wider.

“That’s great guys ! I’m so proud of you”

“When are you coming at the studio ?” You frowned and closed your eyes for a second, you always came to listen before anyone else the new album, you did it for the past three years and it was a sort of tradition.

“I...I don’t want to see Freddie Rog” You whispered sadly. “I really don’t want to face him right now”

“(Y/N), you always come, please. Veronica and Chrissie will be there too, I need you by my side, it’s important for me” You sighed quietly, feeling bad to turn his offer down.

But the only thought of seeing Freddie made your stomach churned.

“Rog...I’m sorry but we can celebrate tonight, just you and me” You proposed with a timid voice. “I can make your fa–“

“I understand (Y/N), it’s alright. I will see you later” He hanged up with a weak voice, you knew he was sad about your rejection.

You sighed deeply, rubbing your forehead. Did you overacted about seeing Freddy ?

You tried to distract yourself during the next half and hour but the only thing you could think of was Roger. Alone. Brian with Chrissie and their kid. John with Veronica and their two children. Freddie with Paul. But Roger would be all by himself as all the boys’ family would listened and congratulated them for the new record.

You kicked your own ass and quickly put your shoes on, grabbed your black jeans jacket and your handbag before leaving your apartment. You climbed in the first taxi you saw and gave the studio’s address. You quickly made your way through the different corridors of the place until finding the loudest room of the building. Jacob, the oldest son of Deaky and Veronica, ran next to you as his little sister was right behind, both of them giggling like crazy and pushing the door open.

“Hi auntie (Y/N)” You waved back and followed them inside looking for Roger.

The room was filled with Freddie’s voice as the new vinyl of the band was playing in the background. Brian was cuddling his son, both of them listening attentively to the music, as Chrissie was chatting with Veronica, a timid belly, popping out slightly.

You were wrong thinking Roger would be all alone. You smiled softly as Seth was in on Roger’s lap, his father’ sunglasses perched on his head, bobbing his cute face in rhythm. The drummer was beaming with pride, singing quietly the lyrics to him.

“Do you like Daddy’s songs my little angel ?” Of course Ally was here too. She was never far away.

“I love them Mum ! When I will be older I want to be a rock star like Dada !” He clapped his little hands together and his parents chucked at his enthusiasm. “Can I have fish fingers at the restaurant tonight mummy ?”

“You going to the restaurant tonight ?” Roger asked to Ally as he passed his fingers in Seth’s blond locks.

You were standing awkwardly at the entrance of the door, not very visible to the others as you were wondering if you should have came here or not. Maybe Roger was mad at you and didn’t want you here anymore.

Ally’s face flushed a bit, a thing you never witnessed before, it was weird. She was always confident but right now she was looking at Roger like a deer caught in the headlights, her fingers toying the hem of her shirt.

“Well I was thinking, we can go, the three of us, to the restaurant ? To celebrate your album. Seth is very excited to go out with Daddy and Mommy” She smiled hopefully at him and, just by looking at her, you saw how much she still loved Roger. She was totally in love with him, her nervousness was betraying her.

You swallowed quietly and took a step back, waiting anxiously for the drummer’s answer.

“I...hum, I already have plan with (Y/N) tonight, sorry” Her smile fell immediately as relieve ran through your veins. He rubbed awkwardly his shoulder, coughing a bit to avoid the deception on Ally’s face.

“But she’s not here. She didn’t even come to support to you even if she obviously know how important it is for you” She replied with bitterness.

“Ally, stop” His cold tone surprised her. “You and me, we need to talk after, I want you to stop talking shit about (Y/N), she’s gonna be my wife, get use to it” She seemed deeply offended and you decided to make know about your presence, satisfied by Roger’s answer.

You cleared your throat and knocked on the open door, walking in everyone’ sight, almost timidly. You hoped the blond wasn’t going to tell you to fuck off after refusing to come here in the first place. You couldn’t give this satisfaction to Ally.

“Hi everyone, sorry I’m late” As soon as you stepped inside, the three kids ran toward you, happy to see their auntie. Even Seth climbing down from his father’s lap and come toward you, the sunglasses sliding on his nose. “How are doing my cutie pies ?” You gave a collective hug to all the kids and chatted for few minutes with them.

You stood up and gave a quick hug to Chrissie, Brian and John, opting for a kiss on Veronica’s cheek as her belly was on the way and you didn’t want to hurt her or whatever. Freddie seemed uncomfortable, hesitating about how he was supposed to act after his last party. You gave him a simple hi Fred and a hi Paul without even looked at them before made your way to Roger who had stand up, Ally next him.

“(Y/N), Rog said you were working” She said with a tense smile.

You glanced at the drummer who seemed still hurt, his eyes looking at his shoes. You knew you made him sad when you refused to come, he liked to pretend he was a tough guy but inside, he was a big softie in desperate need of his family’s approval.

“Yes but being here to support the boys was more important” You shrugged and tucked a strand of hairs behind your hairs. “If I’m not too late, of course” It sounded more like a question as you timidly peered to Roger, your way to ask for his pardon.

He bit his lips before cracking a small smile, grabbing your forearm and tugging you into his embrace.

“’f course it’s not too late” You wrapped your arms tightly around his neck as he did the same with your waist. “I’m glad your here” He whispered to your ear before pressing a sweet kiss to your temple.

You could feel Ally’s burning gaze on your back, still standing there but for once she was the one out of place, bitterly looking at the both of you.

“I’m so sorry Roger, I’m so stupid sometime” You murmured against his shoulder, sighing peacefully.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, (Y/N). I should have understood after what Freddie said to you” You smiled gently at him as you raised your head, giving a deep kiss.

He seemed a bit surprise at the beginning, you weren’t really fan of big kiss in public but he happily replied, his lips moving in perfect synchrony with yours. When you heard Ally’s heels clicking furiously onto the floor as she made her way to the rest of the group, you couldn’t repress a smile curling up on your face.  

*************************************************************************************

"What do you mean you going to Las Vegas next month ?" Brian asked exasperatedly at Roger who just broke the new about your little trip.

"Well, I want to spend a fun weekend with my future wife before we have to left for our tour" Roger smirked, an arm around your shoulder. "And I also have to cancel the wedding I had with Ally during our A Night at the opera tour, I mean I’m going to get married for real this time, want to do the things correctly" He gently squeezed your arm and you pressed back his thigh, where your hand was sagely resting. 

Everyone decided to all go together at the restaurant to celebrate the album, you were sat next to Roger and his son was on his other side, calmly sipping his apple juice. You pinched your lips as you saw Ally’ shocked face when the blond talked about the cancellation of their wedding, truly priceless. She glanced at you and you pretended you didn’t see her nasty look. She probably regretted to told you about it now.

"But Rog, do you know both you and Ally are supposed to sign the paper ?" John pipped as he was cutting Emily’s meat.

"What ? No...I...do I really ?" Roger frowned and you tended your jaw as Ally looked deeply relieved. And amused. 

"It make sense yes" Veronica shrugged. "She has to sign the paper to get married, it the same process to dissolve a marriage, I guess"

"Oh she’s not wrong Rog, you need me" Ally commented happily, her usual smirk back on her features. "I would love to come but I can’t bring Seth to Vegas, obviously"

Of course she would find a way to keep them married as long as she could. You cleared your throat and turned to Roger.

"Maybe your mom could watch Seth ? And Ally can go back to him as soon as the problem is solve" 

"You’re right baby. I will call my mom tomorrow and book a ticket for you Ally” He nodded, satisfied to the solution you proposed and took a sip of his champagne.

Great, now Ally was tagging along for your romantic trip, absolutely awesome.

****************************************************************************

You sighed annoyingly as you washed the dirty plates, mumbling against Ally. Who else anyway ? She was fucking rooted at your dinner’s table for the past hour, chatting with Roger. Seriously it was friday night, didn’t have something else to rather than squatting your living room ? She came to drop Seth for the weekend and Roger, always the sweetheart, offered a beer, it was a big mistake. She managed to drink so slowly that all the bubbles were popped, the thought that the beer was probably had become warm did put a smile on your face.

Then it was dinner time, earlier than usual as Seth was still young so obviously when the meal finished to cook, she was still here and the little boy asked her to eat with you and his father. Roger asked you if you were okay with that, like you could say something else than an of course. You didn’t want Seth to hate you because his mom was a bitch.

So you painfully watched Ally ate your delicious risotto and monopolizing the conversation, talking about her and as usual, the past.

“But then my mom, Seth and me went to Milan and oh I swear it’s probably my favourite city in Italy !” She was speaking too loudly and drinking your favourite bottle of red wine, giggling stupidly at every words which were coming out from Roger’s mouth. “Did you went to Italy (Y/N) ?

You contained yourself to not roll your eyes. The only time she spoke to you was to proving you how her life and love story with the drummer was better than you. It was subtle, making you even more annoyed.

“Sadly no, I never went to Italy” You gave a fake smile and took a large spoonful of your plate to stopping you from saying something nasty.

“ Oh ! That’s such a shame !” She was so over-dramatic, it was absolutely pathetic. “Roger brought me to Venice for one of my birthday, it was so romantic, right Rog ?”

She fluttered exaggeratedly her eyelashes to the drummer and this time you rolled your eyes, deeply. She was ashamed of nothing.

“I will bring you to Italy, love. We can go for our next Valentine’s day” He glanced tenderly at you and Ally’ smile disappeared into a thin line

But she kept going on, speaking about every things that could make you uncomfortable. The blond didn’t really answer, humming and nodding from time to time, focusing on make Seth eating his vegetables.

“Your risotto is really good (Y/N) !” Ally exclaimed as she pushed back her empty plate. You smiled and waited for the but coming. “The only thing, oh please don’t take it wrong...the meat had a strange taste” She made a whiny smile, shrugging.

“That’s because it’s not meat, it’s tofu Ally” You explained as you poured yourself another glass of wine, finishing the bottle but you didn’t want to grab another one, praying she would understand it was time to go.

“Tofu ? Why– can’t you to buy real meat ? Oh my...have you and Rog money’s problems ?” Roger shook his head with an amused smile.

“We don’t have any problems Ally, (Y/N) is vegetarian, that’s all”

“Oh...right. I heard it was kind of the new trend to follow” She watched her son eating the tofu without any problem and seemed almost annoyed by it. “More and more celebrities are doing it, but I didn’t think you would do it too (Y/N). Plus, I read somewhere that it wasn’t real safe for your health ya know ? Our body do need meat” She smiled gently but her ton was a tad too snobbish and pretentious for your taste.

Before the drummer could answer, you stood up to take away the empty plates, you couldn’t stand her presence for another minute.

“I’m vegetarian since I’m fifteen Ally, so thank you but you can keep your advices for someone who is interested in it” You gave her a big smile as she tensed at your mocking voice. “And I’m not doing it to follow the trend, but by personal conviction, you should try sometime”

Her outrageous face was absolutely priceless and couldn’t contain the smirk on your face. After that you heard her complain to Roger who was hiding his cheeky smile behind his hand.

You were supposed to put Seth to bed, as you wanted to bound more with the little boy but Ally ended to do it with Rog who insisted he could handle it by himself. But she insisted more. So you had to witness Roger and Ally bathed Seth, then read him a story as she was glued to the drummer’ side but Seth was so happy to have his both parent putting him to bed, it caused an ache in your heart.

“Thank you Rog, I spent a delicious evening with you, like always” She hugged a little bit too long and couldn’t resist to press a kiss on his cheek.

“See you on monday Ally” You didn’t even look at her when she finally left and sighed deeply.

Roger came to you and wrapped his arms around you waist, kissing softly your hairs. You scrunched you nose in disgust and quickly wiped away the flashy red lipstick from his cheek, making him laughed.

“She is annoying” You mumbled as you put your head on his chest.

“I know, I hope you ready for sunday, she’s gonna be even worse”

Seth’s fifth birthday was in two days and you were anything but ready to deal with Ally and her family

**********************************************************************************

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[castaform]

I just wanna say thanks to the @LolaTempest thread,, you can read it here 

I can't agree enough, as both a Suicidal person, and someone who has lost people through suicide. This is going to be long I guess, I appreciate if you do end up reading it all.

I urge you to check out their thread, its highlights tons of good points about Suicide after culture? (Idk what to call it) As someone who deals with these thoughts, and some of my friends might be surprised to hear I still have them, I can't say how much I relate.  Whenever someone dies it feels like its just that thing of the month, everyone reblogs the hotline lists and that and then it just vanishes till the next person dies. I’m not saying its wrong but I hate the feeling of it being almost like a fad. And like Lola Tempest says, half the time it doesnt actually have much impact, its not bad, but as a suicidal person, I avoid telling people already about being suicidal, depressed etc because it makes me feel like 10 Million times worse, and on top of that I feel like I'm burdening everyone by telling them which ads even more stress. And while I know this is not true, I still can't help it. 

No matter how many times people say they love and care about you, it doesn't stay because the brain won't think straight. I'd much rather you make me forget that pain, tell jokes, tell me about your day, something so stupid that it makes me smile inside.

Anything but the talk on suicide because then I roominate and thats the worst thing for me, I really don’t then want someone telling me all the solutions when my brain at the time can’t comprehend the solutions. the worst nights of my life where when I was alone, in a cramped room, with no one to talk too and forced to thing about the ways I’d go.

When one of my closest friends left me due to a suicide attempt, I felt so empty, I hated myself every moment of the day, I got sent home from work for not being focused, I could not stop shaking, I went to the hospital because I  didn't know what to do and I respect their choice because your own health matters too, its your own life I can't control that, but please don't do it at their worst. Im not saying I hate this person, I still value them, they once stayed awake with me for 25 hours to make sure I was okay

Its something I still value. But when they left, they told me I was selfish for wanting to die, and while it might come off as selfish please, please never call a suicidal person selfish. I can tell you now, they think about every person, each of their actions,  what life is like without me and how I have 0 impact on them, or the positives of what happens of when I'm gone.  When I was in school, I'd sit and think about every classmate, how I was so irrelevant regardless of the level of friendship between us.

I used to take "Breaks" Online and offline, and just hold away in the hopes someone, even one person would chase after me and ask me I was okay, I remember when my friends from my maths class came to my house, they didn't know where I lived and idk how they found my address but it meant so much, I cried a lot that day, When my dad died, my mum thought originally he did it to spite her, but she later found notes left in places precious to each of us, in our favourite books, films, hideaways etc and told us about the hopes and dreams he had for each of us when he was gone, and how he knew we'd be something great in the future, he even prebrought flowers to be sent to my mum every month for 2 months on the 16th, the number of their wedding day, to keep her happy.

He thought so much about the people around him, and yet he still made that choice. His choice was wrong because he couldn't think straight, thats what this does to you, so please don't ever call someone selfish for it.

After my friend called me that though that was when I stopped letting people know, I held back more and more out of the fear of losing anyone else, it took me a long time to get over it, but I still don't tell people now, I nearly told my aunt the other day, that I was feel suicidal over my work and how they've been treating me, how the pressure of my family falling apart is making me feel, how my social circle, body image, money issues, gay struggles etc are all making me want to end it And I didn't because in the moment I sat down with her, I changed the subject so fast because I couldn't bring myself to tel her, hurt her, make her cry, and I couldn't bring myself to do that to another person.

please I beg of you if theres a takeaway from the people who have died, who think about it, famous or not, support them, be there for them, send them love and encouragement, in the good and the bad times

Never forget them, please don't let it be a week and treat it like yesterdays news, I may not have know Etika but I'm hoping he's happy up there, the same for my father or any one else who has committed suicide

If something seems off just asks, please don't wait for them to make the first move, approach them, heck even if they arent down, but you've seen them I'd urge you to try become their friend, they might never tell you directly how much you mean, but I bet you mean a lot.

I know I'm not as influential as I once was on tumblr, and thats partly my own choice, as like Etika I felt Social media had a influence on me good and bad, but if you read this go check on someone, make the first move, make sure they're okay, don’t wait for them to come to you! You don’t have to be some therapist or a doctor to see when someone is on the edge, be their friend, remind them of the good through good times, play a game, tell stories, tell a joke, sing them a song, to no matter who it is, Be it brother, mother, friend, classmate, random person on the internet, you never know, you might save their day.

[brohood-assassins-imagines]

So We Endure - Chapter 3: Times of Change

A/N: Yet another chapter of heartache. I’m going through a bit of a writer’s block for it, so next post I make will probably be a Connor smut I’ve been cooking up for a while! As always, this fic has a playlist (made by me) here

Word Count: 4k+

“What do you mean I’m out?!,” you screeched, eyes watering as a painfully cold grip took hold of your heart.

Mr. Jackson — Jack, as he liked to be addressed to — sighed wearily, cleaning one of the various pints of beer behind the counter. “It is what I said,” he shrugged, not looking you in the eyes. “Your out.”

“Jack, you can’t do that!,” you pleaded, pointedly ignoring the looks some of the early in customers shot you.

“Already did,” the man put the pint down, picking up another one. “Don’t need myself a singer who’s gonna whore herself out to my customers and have them never come back,” he stared you down, expression bitter and anger barely contained. “Shoulda said so before, that your a whore. Woulda treated you likewise.”

You felt the world stop around you, a shiver of fear running down your spine. The squeezing of your heart tightened and you leaned in towards the man. “Jack, I have a son. I need this job, I have to keep him fed and—“

“And on your way to a new one, I see,” he spit the venom casually, not minding the tears gathering at the corner of your eyes. “Shoulda thought ‘bout him before, eh?”

“Nothing happened, Jack! For fucks sake!”

“Yeah, right,” he cackled at his own inside joke. “Outta here with ya. Already hired a new girl, don’t need ya makin’ a scene now.” The man picked another glass up, polishing it without really watching he was doing, “and to think one day I hoped to get it on with ya…”

Humiliated and wrecked, both emotionally and physically, you hunched your shoulders and allowed yourself to cry quietly before being shunned out of the pub. As much as you hated the job, it was what had kept you and Charlie relatively warm at night; with a roof over your heads. You risked a look at one of the clocks on your way home — a quarter after 6 — and tried to think positively. The rent was paid. You had money for the next one, it was okay, if you tightened the belts. There was food at home, you’d get to spend some time with Charlie—

It all felt like a bad joke on you.

The door whined and creaked as Mrs. Dolloway opened it, letting a small gasp of surprise get past her thin lips. “Oh dear!,” she put a chubby hand against her cheek, “ya certainly dropped by early today! I wasn’t expecting ya around ‘til half past nine or so, girl.”

You forced a smile, fidgeting with the tattered cloth-bag in your hands. “Yes, I… got out early.”

Mrs. Dolloway frowned at you, closing the door a bit as she leaned closer to you so the kids wouldn’t eavesdrop. “What happened?”

Closing your eyes, you sighed and twisted your lips as if tasting bitter medicine. You never managed to lie or cover things from your neighbor — and possibly best friend —, as much as you wanted to. She didn’t need to worry more than she already did. “Dolls, really…”

“Dontcha ‘Dolls’ me, girl!,” she pouted, a slight rise of color coming to her complexion. “Come on, out with it. Ya can tell me things, ‘m not made of glass!”

You huffed out a laugh, shaking your head. “Jack fired me today.”

As expected, the woman gasped indignantly. “Whatever for?!”

“It doesn’t matter, really,” you cut in quickly, eager to change the subject. “I’m already looking for a new job.”

“This close to winter? Best thing ya gonna find will be laundry work, probably worse,” she stressed, brows knitting together in worry. “Want me to ask aroun’?”

It wasn’t entirely fair, you knew. You already felt like a parasite with all the help people offered so freely — the guilty pang of Mr. Fry—Jacob’skindness still all too recent in your mind. Drawing your lower lip into your mouth, you bit nervously on it. “If that isn’t a bother, Dolls—“

“Silly girl,” she stopped you before you could finish. “Silly, silly girl.” The plump woman closed the door behind her, pulling you into a tight motherly hug; her soft hands smoothing your shoulders lovingly. “Already taken care of, I tell ya. Stop worryin’, eh?,” she whispered as you awkwardly wrapped your arms around her.

“Thank you,” you offered meekly, allowing the tears to well in your eyes, “thank you so much, Dolls. I just—“

“Hush now,” she pulled away, patting your face gently. “Don’t ya dare go all soft on me now, we still have to talk, eh?,” she smiled. “I asked Tommy what happened that day n’ I think ya should talk to Charlie too.”

“I tried, at the park,” you confessed, leaning against the railing of the stairs, “but it didn’t feel right, at the moment. Didn’t want to make him get antsy on me while we’re out, you know?”

Mrs. Dolloway nodded sagely, but it didn’t seem to smooth her ruffled feathers. “When you can, then. Sooner than later, is my advice.”

You frowned. “What did Tommy tell him?”

“Charlie?,” you called softly, drying the boy’s hair with a towel. He answered by turning around and looking you in the eye. “Mummy loves you very much. You know that, right?,” and upon his nod, you took a breath in before continuing. “Remember last time I fetched you at Auntie Doll, you and Tommy had a fight?”

Your son’s face scrunched up and he cast his gaze down with a slight pout. “It wasn’t my fault,” he offered, although hesitantly.

“Mummy knows,” you said, sitting beside him at the bed, back resting against the wall as you appraised the boy. “I just want to make sure you’re not holding things back from me.”

Charlie’s lips twisted a bit, as he seemed to fight an internal monologue with himself. “I just…,” he fidgeted with the edges of the shirt you had finished fixing. “Tommy said our family is daft.”

“Daft?,” you prompted him on, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah,” the boy agreed, picking at his nails. “Because I don’t have a dad.”

You had been preparing yourself for this talk, but that didn’t stop the cold drop in the pit of your stomach. “And what do you think about that?”

Charlie frowned, looking at you as if he hadn’t fully grasped what you had asked. “Tommy asked me if I had a daddy…,” he started, although hesitantly, “I said no, because that’s what you told me,” Charlie cast his eyes down once more before talking again. “He said that’s dumb, that everyone has a daddy, but I said I didn’t n’ he told me our family is daft,” he started crying, shaking slightly, “’das why I hit ‘im. ‘M sorry, mummy.”

“Hey, now,” you called in, opening your arms for a hug, “our family is not daft. We love each other a lot, don’t we? Isn’t that what matters?”

The boy sniffled, moving closer as you allowed him to rest upon your chest. “But he’s right,” he mumbled quietly, “it’s true.”

You pressed your lips together, smoothing his hair and trying to hold back your own tears. “Don’t you like mummy, baby?”

“It’s not that,” he said, voice brittle with emotion, “I just…,” a quiet sob, “I wanted to have a daddy too.”

Silence grew heavy, broken only by the sniffling and sobbing from your son; and all you could do was hug him tighter.

Thursday morning came slowly, daylight barely making its way through the fraying edges of the ruined curtains. Days were growing colder with the approach of winter; you registered distantly and stretched, burying your face into the thin pillow as the tell-tale sounds of town started rumbling around you. Job hunting hadn’t been going the way you wanted — after walking around for 3 days straight, until your feet ached and chaffed in your boots, you came to the grim conclusion that Mrs. Dolloway had been right to some degree, because even the laundry houses and the few factories that offered jobs year-round were overstaffed.

At some point, you started doubting if there really had been such a sudden shortage of jobs around the slums or if people were simply avoiding you. Everyone loved to gossip around here, even if most tended to show you their kinder side; there were still the ones with venomous tongues and ill spirits, who’d pounce at the opportunity of pointing their fingers at you in a heartbeat.

You wondered if Mr. Jackson was to blame or if your poorly-thought-through display with Jacob earlier on Sunday to the bus stop had had anything to do with it.

Universe definitely wasn’t kind.

Charlie stirred against you, sleepy murmurs stopping as soon as you rubbed his shoulder. The boy was a blessing, truly, and you didn’t regret it; not him. He wasn’t to blame for anything. You closed your eyes again, opting for sleeping in for a bit more today. It wasn’t like you were to change anything and magically find a job today after leaving no rock unturned last few days. Sleep crept slowly, its pull gentle and sweet and—

A knock.

A knock?

Frowning, you sighed; halfway hoping it was your imagination or for another floor. You opened your eyes, resting a tired gaze upon the weathered wooden door. Someone — a male voice, you recognized — called your name through it, now knocking more insistently which made Charlie groan and turn to bury his face into the mattress.

“Heavens…,” you whispered, slipping out of bed, careful not to wake your slumbering son, to answer the door. It couldn’t be Mr. Ross, you had paid the rent on time yesterday and Mrs. Dolloway usually wasn’t up this early. “Who’s it?,” you inquired quietly, hugging yourself to retain the warmth from the bed.

“Jacob,” the voice answered, sounding far to anxious to belong to the same calm and confident man you who’s had tea with you in the kitchen last Sunday. It was early, you frowned, much too early than what proper education demanded to a breakfast visit, and it made you feel uneasy. What on earth did he want? Then he called your name again, “will you open up?”

Pressing your lips together and sighing resentfully, you unlocked the door and Jacob wasted no time at slipping in and closing it behind himself. “I— Jacob, I have never—“

“I know, etiquette be damned,” he spoke hastily, taking off roughened up cap that matched his outfit. No top hat today?, you thought to yourself. “But— I swear, as soon as I heard about it— Wha— How— Uh… you… you were fired?,” the words tumbled out of his mouth, tripping on each other as he cast a worried gaze at you; a wild look in his eyes that made you wonder distantly if he had slept at all.

“Jacob.”

“Are you okay?,” he continued, “do you want me to talk to Jack?,” the man asked now, pacing around the flat, trying to school his voice into something less anxious. “We can see to it, you’ll have your old job in the blink of an eye, I swear—“

“Jacob.”

He stopped, frowning and fixing you with a puzzled look. “What?”

“It’s fine,” you offered lightly, trying to force a smile into your lips. “I hated it there, either way. I’m a singer to some degree, it kept a roof over our heads for a while, and it’s okay.”

Jacob swallowed thickly, staring at you with a dumbfounded look. “You… Ah, you’re not mad?”

“Whyever for?,” your voice came out like a tired sigh. “It wasn’t your fault. If I am to blame anyone, I’d point fingers at myself for doing something so reckless and stupid—“

“You were desperate, there is a difference,” he quipped in, grimacing at the thought. “I’d have come sooner had you told me— why— why didn’t you tell me?”

You huffed out a laugh, crossing your arms in front of him. “Because I don’t know where you live, Jacob Frye. Much less how to contact you.”

Something seemed to click in his mind and Jacob scowled. “I’m sorry,” he offered, the high of his cheeks adopting an embarrassed shade of pink. “I feel like— I thought you’d have my head if I showed up here.”

Frowning as you moved closer to the kettle, you gave him a confused look. “Whatever for?”

“Because— well, because…,” he mumbled, shifting his weight from one foot to another. “I just...,” Jacob coughed, looking away with a somewhat relieved face and his shoulders stopped tensing up. Well, that went off terribly. “I thought you would be mad at me for making you lose your job that day—“

“You didn’t,” you said casually.

“—and I wanted to make sure you and Charlie were okay, so I just came flying here as soon as I could.” As you put the water to boil, he shoot a look at you that pleaded for something, even though you weren’t entirely sure what. “Are you sure you don’t want me to explain the situation to Jack?”

You splashed some water into the teapot. “I don’t want to have anything to do with Jack any longer, Jacob,” your voice came out colder than you intended and you tried to soften it a bit. “We had our divergences and he wouldn’t take me for my word,” you explained, opening the cabinet and pulling the tea box. You weren’t going to lie, seeing the kitchen cabinet filled with food like that eased the anxiety in your heart. “Besides, he’s a bloody penny-pincher and a pig.” At that, Jacob laughed and you turned around to catch his mischievous smirk at you. “Believe me, I’m better off out of there.”

“’Suppose I’ll have to find a new pub to drink at, then,” Jacob started, putting his cap back on, “because that new girl can’t sing for shit, I’m telling you.”

It didn’t surprise you, honestly.

“It’s not difficult to please the drunkards,” you shrugged, “a pretty face is all they need at some point,” after your jesting, noticing what you had said, you clapped a hand over your mouth and turned to give him a horrified look. “My apologies, I didn’t mean to—“

“It’s fine,” Jacob waved a hand dismissively, smirking as he walked closer to the stove and it occurred to you that he might be cold, without a thick coat on, “you can speak your mind around me,” he threw a few coals into the stove, proceeding to rub his hands together for warmth. “Besides, it was funny, and I believe I did tell you etiquette is not my best trait.”

You fidgeted with the kitchen rag in your hands, scoffing at his commentary. “Yes, I’ve been told.” As much as you hated to admit, you wanted to have someone’s company— needed it, really; someone who wouldn’t fuss and ask questions you didn’t want to answer, and last time had proven that Jacob wasn’t unpleasant at all to talk to. You shoot him a glance, trying to sound nonchalant. “Would you like to have breakfast with us? I was just about to start cooking.”

Jacob tensed, looking at you as if you had just told him to leave the flat, giving you a piercing gaze that deeply unsettled you; as if he could see through your lie. “That’d be lovely,” he blew into his hands, a smile already plastered upon his face, “thank you.”

Nodding, you turned around to cut up the cheese and bread — it was still so soft it made you wonder if Jacob bought it the same day it had been baked. Walking around, he got rid of his cap, putting it over the table, and asked “are you still looking for a new job?”

It was bound to happen, sooner or later. “Yes, although not with much luck, I’m afraid.”

“Oh?,” Jacob prompted, coming up next to you and pulling the same two mugs you had used to drink tea last time from the cabinet. It made you itch uncomfortably, for some reason.

“No one would hire me,” you explained, giving him an exasperated look that suggested you weren’t overly fond of the topic. “Not even the washhouses or the coal factory.”

Jacob hesitated for a second, looking mildly guilty. “I can help you, with anything you’d like.”

Just as he never ceased to surprise you, the annoyance seemed to come along in equal measures. You started to regret the invitation.

Turning around for a second, you offered him a disinterested “oh?”

The man shuffled awkwardly, giving you a pained look. “What I mean is… I can… help. More, is what I’m trying to say.”

Not knowing what to do with the silence, you allowed it to stretch a bit. “That’d be nice of you, but what I really am looking for is a job, Jacob.”

Jacob nodded, looking away with furrowed brows and as if he wanted to say something else; but ultimately stayed silent. You were somewhat thankful for it, but wouldn’t settle for having someone else paying your bills; you’ve been able to make things right up until now. The quiet that grew in the room evoked a heavy cloud of uneasiness and you wondered just when Charlie would wake up.

As if on careful coordination, a sleepy “mummy?,” called from the bedroom and you sighed in relief.

Offering Jacob a somewhat apologetic look, you hurried to the bedroom — which wasn’t really that far away, “hey, baby…,” you whispered, bending slightly in order to caress his head, “are you hungry? Mummy’s making breakfast now.”

Charlie yawned, turning to press his face into the mattress again and stretching out his arms for you to pick him up. “Are you going out today?,” he asked when you fixed him against your hip, resting his face against your collarbone.

“I don’t know yet,” you answered truthfully. “Let’s eat first, yes? We have a visit over today.”

“We do?”

You nodded, rubbing his back a bit. “Do you remember Jacob?”

The boy stayed silent for a moment, mind still hazy as he tried to recall where he had heard the name before. “Jake?,” he asked, looking at you with a confused look, “the magician?”

“Jake the magi—,“ you cut yourself, laughing softly, “yes, the magician.” Charlie’s eyes widened a bit, letting go of the heavy lidded look he was giving you. “Why don’t we go talk to him, mhm?”

He shifted a bit in your arms, as if embarrassed, until ultimately agreeing; although hesitantly. “’kay…”

Turning around to leave the bedroom, you caught sight of Jacob watching you with an expression you couldn’t exactly pinpoint; but it didn’t look bad on his face, you decided ultimately. The softness in his eyes made the hazel stand out against the olive skin and you wondered what he must’ve been thinking.

“Hey, sport!,” he called cheerfully, waving a hand at Charlie as the other took a hold of the backrest of a chair, “thought you’d sleep in forever.”

Charlie got flustered, resting his head against your chest in a gesture of comfort. “Hey,” he answered timidly, fiddling with the frilly neckline of your dress.

“Now,” Jacob started, approaching you both with a disarming smile, “I have a little something for you today,” the smile broadened when he saw that it had caught Charlie’s attention, “I wonder if you’re gonna like it.”

Your son looked at Jacob curiously, weighing his next words carefully. Charlie had never been very talkative strangers, but seemed to be growing out of it at times; with moments where he oscillated between both before ultimately making up his mind about the person. “What is it?,” he inquired, starting to develop a mild interest at the promise of a gift.

“Oh, I’m not really sure,” Jacob frowned, crossing his arms rather hilariously. “A little bird brought it to me and said it was your favorite.”

“Don’t be daft,” Charlie spoke in a half amused and surprised voice, “birds can’t talk.”

Jacob smiled at him, looking at you briefly. What Jacob lacked in etiquette and good sense, he made up with the way he got along with children — Charlie, in particular. You still weren’t entirely sure about him, but allowed yourself to be swayed over the attachment your son seemed to have developed over him.

“Well, you got me there,” he said, touching his chest lightly, “but you forget I’m a magician. I read it in the bird’s mind, actually.”

“No way!,” Charlie exclaimed, pushing away from your body and getting rid of whatever traces of sleepiness remained in his face, “really?!”

“Really!,” Jacob assured

He seemed to think on that for a few seconds as you shared a knowing look with Jacob. “Can you read my mind?”

“Oh, I can only read bird’s minds,” the man answered simply, “but I bet you’re still thinking about what the bird told me to give you.”

“Wrong,” Charlie giggled childishly, “I was thinking about what color your talking bird is.”

“See?,” Jacob gestured towards himself, as if resigned, “only bird-thoughts for me.”

“I want to know its color!,” Charlie protested and you giggled at the demand.

“Didn’t you tell me it was a blue one?,” you asked Jacob with a fake confused voice.

Jacob looked up at you, surprised at your input, but played along, “ah, yes,” he agreed, “a little blue bird asked me to give you this as a gift.” At that, the man pulled out the thin package from the insides of his coat.

“What is it?,” your son asked suddenly, twisting out of your arms as he leaned over and you were forced to put him down.

You looked at what Jacob had in hand — a bar of chocolate, of all things, and you were surprised the man even kept such a thing in mind. Smiling, you settled your gaze upon his face, at the pleased expression that spoke volumes of his character without the need for words.

“Chocolate,” Jacob explained, raising a finger before the boy could freak out, “but you gotta eat breakfast first, okay?”

Charlie pouted a bit, looking mildly disappointed even as Jacob offered him the candy. “Not even a piece?”

You supposed you owed him that much. Pretending not to pay attention at the exchange, you moved towards the stove and took the kettle out of the fire, pouring the fervent water into the teapot at the well-known ritual of making tea.

Looking over his shoulder — as you saw from the corner of your eye —, Jacob leaned down and whispered something to Charlie, who nodded eagerly, and gave him the candy back. You pretended you didn’t hear the clear sound of paper being unwrapped and the pleased giggle of your son as he rushed towards the bedroom with what you hoped wasn’t the entire bar right before breakfast.

“You shouldn’t have,” you whispered, voice softer than before, “you’re spoiling him.”

“It’s fine,” Jacob interjected, “he’s a kid.”

“Kids need to eat proper meals,” you huffed a laugh, looking at him as he leaned back against the counter beside you. “Thank you, though.”

He broke a piece of the chocolate and offered it to you. “You don’t have to thank me,” Jacob smiled when you took it, the candy melting a bit at where he had touched. “I’m glad you appreciate it, but you know that’s not what I’m looking for.”

You nibbled at it, reveling in its sweetness. It had been ages since you had had any chocolate and it was equal measures refreshing and heartwarming. “I hope you didn’t go out of your way for that,” you pointed out, fixing him with an amused look.

Jacob scoffed, breaking a small piece for himself, “no, I just happen to be a fan of chocolate myself,” he confessed, waving the still-considerable-bar in the air. “This is from my personal stash, actually.”

A stash. Again, the question about just who this man was nagged at the back of your mind. Chocolate was no cheap treat. “Don’t spoil him,” you looked at Jacob, stirring the infuser inside the teapot, “he’s too young and impressionable. Reality isn’t…,” you trailed off, lowering your head and staring at the chocolate in your hands.

“Reality isn’t what?,” Jacob called out, goading you on.

Sighing, you let go of the candy. “Reality isn’t this; random strange benefactors showing up at your flat,” you picked up the teapot, setting it over the table and moved towards the counter again, “with chocolate and food and offering to pay off your rent,” grabbing the piece of ham, you set it on the cutting board, “and wanting to give you money for whatever the reason!”

Jacob weighed your words, unmoving, and it both astounded and annoyed you in equal measures how he didn’t even flinch. “What is reality, then?”

You put the knife down, feeling the wet hot tears of anger welling up in your eyes. “It’s struggling,” you answered in a cold, matter-of-fact voice. “You work hard to gain your money, see that it’s not enough and you worry. You pay rent on your own, you buy food on your own, you teach your kids why’s that they can’t have a new toy or a pair of shoes on your own,” wiping the tears away, you fixed the man with a harsh stare, “that’s what reality is, and it’s not kind.”

He stayed silent for a short while, seeming to be mulling over what you had said and you were thankful for it in order to recollect yourself. “Maybe it doesn’t have to be that way,” Jacob whispered above the crackling of the fire and the distant chatter of the streets, “maybe fate has a kinder outlook on life than what you might be used to.”

Hesitating as you steadied yourself against the counter, you thought on what he had said. “It’s…,” stopping, you fixed a strand of hair behind your ear, “…a nice fantasy,” you decided ultimately, setting the plate of sliced ham on the table. The flat felt eerily quiet now, the tension in the air drowning out the sounds of the outer world. “But I won’t wait for it.”

It was a while since Jacob had been around.

Deep down, you feared you had been too harsh on your words; but in your defense, you were on the edge for days on end, looking for jobs that didn’t exist with people whispering behind your back in accusing tones; not to mention the whole situation with your son, now that he didn’t want go to Mrs. Dolloway’s. It wasn’t one of your best moments, you knew, but you couldn’t help but to lash out at anyone who pushed your buttons.

Sighing, you shook your head slightly, stitching a button into one of your worn out shirts. You wouldn’t be surprised if the man never showed up again; it had been almost a week, after all. You had paid rent with whatever was left of the money he had given you so freely before — under the doubtful gaze of Mr. Ross, who didn’t ask where you were getting those shiny new coppers — and feared what might come to happen if Tuesday came to be with you penniless.

Maybe you could sell one of your things, but what? You didn’t own anything but the necessary. It had been that way since father passed away, and—

No.

It wouldn’t do you any good to dive into painful memories and replay things over and over — you had to push forwards, no matter what.

With your mind set, you decided to get rid of the armchair if things didn’t improve soon. Nodding at your own decision, you looked over at the bedroom where Charlie slept soundly; lulled into sleep by the yellowish glow the fire from the stove cast into the walls of the flat. You couldn’t help but feel your heart squeeze tightly for him, as if someone had taken hold of it.

And that’s when frantic knock came down on the front door.

Startled, you hurriedly got up on your feet in order to stop the hellish noise before it woke your boy up. Muttering low curses, you went for the door and yanked it open with furrowed brows, only to be face to face with Jacob — a sweaty, red from exertion, with a manic smile Jacob.

“You won’t believe this!,” he started, letting himself in as he pushed the hood down from his face.

You were dumbstruck. He couldn’t be serious. “Jacob, you better have a good reason—“

“To come here in the middle of the night?,” he cut you, stepping closer and taking hold of your forearms with bare hands. “Believe me, I do!”

Curiosity spoke louder than the annoyance in your mind. “Out with it, then,” you spoke quietly, expertly shutting his mouth the moment he tried to speak again, “and try to be quieter, yes? Charlie’s asleep.”

Smiling wildly, Jacob leaned forwards — perhaps a bit too close than what you’d like — and whispered, “I got you a job.”

[all-hail-the-witcher]

questionable government spies: chapter 11

ANY AND ALL PREVIOUS PARTS UNDER #SPY BOYS OR ON THE MASTERLIST

_________

here we goooOOOOOO

okay so alot goes down in this please try not to get too mad

its all for a reason I promise

twitch knows said reason and her general reaction was “fuck”

also I tried very very hard to make it accurate I spent literally I think like 3 months googling stuff for this

extra thanks to twitch for the evil planning

also fizz helped, hi fizz, she like made everything worse so if you have a problem go complain to her

I mean you can complain to me too but like her also

anyway lets do this

also  im not really sure how to tag these warnings so if you've got any questions before you read please shoot me a message/ask whatever you want

_______

ship: eventual sprace, platonic ralbert, spromeo, fittons, jack tries to flirt with Kath and it fails

warnings: post insane traumatic injury (??) I dont wanna give it away so if you have a question please message me !!, mention of an explosion, pain, both emotional and physical, physical disability, mentions of a previous bad relationship 

editing: I think so theres been alot of different versions but im fairly certain it all lines up

words: significant amount

_______

Albert was about ready to yeet himself of a bridge, as Race would say. At least, he thought that that was what Race would say. Maybe he was using yeet in the wrong context…. Anyway, Albert was just done with listening to Jack trying to flirt with Katherine.

This was the first day that his and Jack’s schedule had overlapped with Katherine’s. Of course it had to be today, the day after the mission. As if Albert didn’t have enough of a headache from the night before.

Maybe it would be more tolerable if Race were working with them, Albert thought as he moved himself all the way down to the opposite side of the counter, away from Jack. But, Race wasn’t allowed to work with them because he might flood the kitchen again.

“If you were a fruit, you’d be a fineapple.”

Albert let out a loud groan and nearly smacked his head into the counter, beside him Romeo let out a laugh.

“What’s the matter, Al?” He asked teasingly. “Ya don’t like it when people flirt? Ya live with Race for crying out loud!”

Albert sighed, picking his head up off the counter. “No, I just don’t like it when Jack flirts. He’s not subtle, and he uses the most obnoxious pick up lines. At least Race is a little more chill with it.” He thought back to the terrible snow puns from the night before. “Well, most of the time.”

“Well, he did learn from the best,” Romeo bragged and Albert gave him a sideways look. “What? I am a master at flirting! See, I’ll prove it to you. I bet I can make the next person who walks through that door blush.”

Albert rolled his eyes. “Be my guest.”

The next person to walk through the door happened to be Buttons. Albert choked out a laugh. Romeo made a face but still delivered his pickup line.

“Hey Buttons!” He called. “Is your name google? Cause you’re everything I’ve been searching for.”

Buttons made a disinterested face and Albert dissolved into a fit of laughter.

“Ro, didn’t we say no more flirting with the customers?” Buttons asked as he moved around some of the chairs at a table close to the counter.

“But you’re not a customer, you’re an employee,” Romeo pointed out as he began to help a customer.

“All the more reason not to flirt with me,” Buttons stressed. “Besides, don't you have a boyfriend?”

“Specs thinks it’s funny when I flirt with other people,” Romeo pouted.

“I find that hard to believe.” Buttons finished moving around the chairs and walked back towards the door.

“What’s he doing?” Albert asked Romeo as he prepared a drink for a customer.

Romeo glanced up. “Oh, he’s bringing Finch in. He must have been discharged yesterday after his surgery.”

“His what?” Albert was confused. Jacobs had mentioned that Finch was recovering from some sort of attack by the gang, but that had been 6 months ago. Surely he was doing better now…

“Oh, did no one tell you about Finch?” Romeo asked, pausing to call out an order.

“No…?” Albert said. “Well, Jacobs mentioned that he had gotten injured on the YMONY case and was recovering but that’s it.”

“Recovering isn’t the word I’d use,” Romeo said. “He’s had a rough time.”

“What do you mean?” Albert asked uncertainly.

“You’ll see,” Romeo waved him off as the door opened again, revealing Buttons pushing Finch in a wheelchair.

“Hey Finch!” Romeo greeted as Buttons parked his chair at a table next to the counter. “How’ve ya been?”

“Pretty good,” Finch responded.

Buttons rolled his eyes. “Don’t listen to him. He’s been in constant pain for the last week.” He leaned down to kiss Finch gently on the lips. “I’ll be in the kitchen. Have one of the guys come back and grab me if you need anything.”

Finch nodded and waved to Buttons as he walked toward the kitchen. Then he looked up at the counter and noticed Albert for the first time.

“Albert Dasilva! I haven’t seen you in years!” He exclaimed, taking in his friend. “I almost didn’t recognize you.”

“Yeah it’s been awhile,” Albert agreed, leaning across the counter and surveying Finch's appearance. He was wearing an old blue flannel shirt and sweatpants. The right sleeve of his shirt was rolled up to his bicep, revealing the fact that he was missing most of his right arm. Fastened securely on top of his shirt, around his lower abdomen, was a white brace that appeared to extend all the way down his left leg under his sweatpants. There was heavy bandaging and most likely a brace encasing his right lower leg. The chair was tilted back slightly and both foot rests were raised to support his presumably injured legs.

“Are you and Race still partners?” Finch asked as Albert rung someone up at the register.

“Yeah, yeah, we’re still partners,” Albert felt himself smile at the mention of Race. “We’ve started training a kid. Jack!” Albert called across the counter to Jack, who was still trying to miserably flirt with Katherine.

Jack wandered over, looking a little disappointed that he was being called away from his crush. “What is it?”

Albert gestured to Finch. “Jack, this is Finch Cortes. Race and I were friends with him in training. He’s partners with Buttons, and they were training Katherine.” Then he turned to Finch. “Finch, this is Jack Kelly. Race and I have been training him for about a year.”

“Hi,” Jack said, clearly anxious to get back to Katherine.

“You’re so lucky that Race and Albert are training you,” Finch told him. “They’re two of the best field agents I’ve ever seen. Well,” he paused, laughing slightly, “except for that time where they almost blew up the weapons lab.”

Jack stamped his foot in frustration. “How is it that everyone knows about that except me?”

“It’s just one of those things you had to experience for yourself to truly appreciate it,” Romeo sighed, staring off into the distance comically. “I will never forget the look on Jacobs’s face when he told us why it was off limits.”

Albert and Finch began to laugh and Jack stomped back down behind the counter toward Katherine.

“Al, when’s your break?” Finch asked after the laughter had subsided. “I wanna catch up.”

Albert glanced up at the clock. “I can take it now, actually, one second.” He ducked back into the kitchen to hang up his apron and returned moments later, pulling up a chair at the table Finch was sitting next to.

“So,” Finch began. “What brings you and Race back here? I thought Race didn’t want anything to do with this city.”

Albert laughed a little. “Well, Jacobs assigned us a case, and he thinks that we’re going to fail, so Race wants to prove him wrong.”

“What case?” Finch asked. “Or are you not allowed to say?”

“No, no, I can say,” Albert said. He took a deep breath. He was still hoping against hope that Finch hadn’t gotten injured on the YMONY case, even though he knew he had. “Race and I were tasked with bringing YMONY down,” he said.

Finch’s face darkened for a brief second before he responded. “I didn’t realize that someone else was getting assigned to that,” he said.

“Apparently no one was supposed to,” Albert said. “But they got some sort of coded message and Jacobs hates us, so he figured hey why not put them on, if they go missing or die then at least I’ll be rid of them.”

Finch smiled briefly. “Buttons and I were on that case. They’re a dangerous group, as you can see.” He gestured to himself with his left hand.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Albert began hesitantly, “what happened? Just so I know what we’re getting ourselves into.”

“No, I don’t mind at all,” Finch assured him. “Well, it all started with the Big Bang….which was of course me hitting the floor.”

From the counter, Romeo let out a loud groan and Albert suppressed a laugh. He was glad Finch’s current situation had not affected his personality.

“I was at a warehouse with Buttons and Katherine,” he continued. “We knew that it was a point of contact for the gang and I wanted to scout the area. Buttons and Katherine were around the corner in the car on comms with the cameras and schematics pulled up. I was up on one of the ledges when an explosion went off, shoving me off and down about 10 feet. Then another explosion went off. I don’t remember anything after that but apparently part of the warehouse started falling apart. They told me a steel beam fell on me.”

Albert was at a loss for words. “Oh my god,” he whispered. And I let Race go undercover in that gang. “Are you gonna be okay?”

“You want the laundry list of stuff?” Finch asked, although he didn’t seem annoyed. “Then you can decide for yourself.”

“Um, sure,” Albert said.

“Well, my arm got blown off in the explosion,” he began, gesturing to his stump, just above where his elbow should have been. “I have a prosthetic, but I don’t like wearing it because it’s not the permanent one and it’s uncomfortable.” He paused. “When I fell off the ledge I landed on my back, which caused a dislocated hip and a T9 spinal fracture.”

“You’re not- you’re not paralyzed are you?” Albert stammered.

“Hold your horses, Al,” Finch smiled. “I’m getting there.” He paused, remembering where he had left off. “The beam that landed on me broke my left femur into 5 pieces, broke my left knee cap, and shattered my right lower leg. The beam also caused severe damage to my left femoral nerve which they think might have resulted in a degree of permanent femoral nerve dysfunction. And the shattered bones in my lower right leg completely severed my peroneal nerve, causing probably permanent peroneal nerve palsy. Also, the damage to my spinal cord resulted in incomplete paraplegia.”

Albert stared at him. “English please?”

Finch laughed. “I’m paralyzed from about here,” he pointed to several inches above his belly button, “down. But, since the injury was incomplete, my brain can still send some signals. I have about 50% feeling still from my hips down. In terms of movement, my left leg and hip are more immobile than my right, at least that’s what the doctors speculated, they won’t know for sure until my legs heal. Plus, all of the damage to the nerves in my legs kinda complicates things a little. But, I do have pretty good control of my abdominal muscles, about 75% of what it was and relatively no loss of feeling there so that’s good.”

“So, you are paralyzed?” Albert asked.

“Yes,” Finch said. “Both incomplete T9 paraplegia, and bilateral peripheral neuropathy.”

“Are you going to be able to walk again?” Albert stared at his friend with concern and sympathy.

Finch shrugged. “No one's really sure yet. Depends on how well everything heals and what my range of motion ends up being. I had surgery about a week ago on my right leg,” he pointed to the bandages encasing his right lower leg. “It was meant to relieve some of the pressure and hopefully give me a little movement. I have a scan next week to see how my left knee, leg and hip are healing and if they’re good I’ve got a chance of walking again. But, they have already told me that it will be difficult. Even if everything does heal properly, because of the severe nerve damage and spinal paralysis, I’ll still need braces, probably an HKAFO and forearm crutches or a walker which could be difficult considering….” he trailed off, gesturing to his missing arm.

“What’s an HK whatever it was?” Albert asked.

Finch shifted slightly, his face contorting with pain. He pointed to the brace around his lower back. “This is an HKAFO. It’s a brace that goes around your torso and hip area and then down your thigh, knee, ankle and foot. The one I’m wearing right now only goes around my left leg. Once it’s decided whether or not walking is in the question, another leg brace will get attached around my right leg. It’s kind of like an exoskeleton.”

Albert looked at his friend, letting all of that information sink in. Finch was paralyzed. Finch might never walk again. Finch had been injured while on the same case he had Race were on. “Dude, I am so sorry,” he finally said.

Finch brushed off his apology. “Why? Wasn’t your fault and there’s nothing you can do to change it.”

“I can help bring down the people who did it,” Albert reminded him.

Finch laughed, which Albert found odd considering the situation. “I’m sure you guys will. But I’m not one for revenge. Besides,” he smirked at Albert, “this is just a side effect of being a field agent.”

“Yeah I’m pretty sure they don’t cover amputation and paralysis in the orientation,” Romeo called from the counter.

Finch rolled his eyes. “Well, yeah. But I willingly signed up for this, I knew getting severely injured or dying was a possibility.”

Yeah, Albert thought. A possibility we all would like to forget exists.

“Besides,” Finch added. “I’m not dead, so that’s a plus.”

Albert stared at him in disbelief. “You’re missing half of your right arm and you can’t walk. How is any of this good?”

“Well for starters, I still have my left arm.” He waved it around for emphasis. “And I can get around just fine in a wheelchair. Plus I have a fantastic boyfriend to take care of me. The worst thing about all of this is that I can’t use my slingshot anymore.”

“I don’t understand how you’re so positive about all of this,” Albert said.

“Facing death makes you appreciate life, Albert,” Finch said. It would have been poetic if he didn’t sound so sarcastic.

Albert shrugged. He knew Finch was right, but he couldn’t stop picturing Race in his place. He didn’t think he could go through that.

Finch opened his mouth to say something, but then closed his eyes and scrunched up his face in pain. His breathing was loud and quick.

“Finch?” Albert said immediately, jumping out of his chair. “Finch what's wrong?”

“Get Buttons,” he said through clenched teeth. “And ice.”

Albert didn’t have to be told twice. He ran into the kitchen, skidding to a stop next to Buttons who was working at the grill.

Albert clamped a hand onto Buttons’s shoulder. “Finch needs you,” he said and Buttons’s eyes widened as he began to turn. “Look like he’s in pain. He asked for ice.”

“Okay,” Buttons said, calling over to one of the other workers in the kitchen and abandoning his station. He ran to the freezer and filled a bag with crushed ice before darting through the doors, Albert following close behind.

Finch was exactly where Albert left him. If he hadn’t been, Albert would have been worried. Buttons pulled up a chair directly in front of of Finch’s chair and gently lifted his right leg into his lap. He rolled up Finch’s sweatpants to the knee, revealing a brace around his lower leg and foot and thick bandaging. Then he pressed the ice bag to his boyfriends mangled leg.

A pleased sigh escaped Finch’s lips and he opened his eyes to look at Buttons. “Thanks babe,” he said.

“Of course,” Buttons responded. “Everything else okay?”

Finch nodded.

Buttons turned to Albert. “What kind of lies has he been telling you?”

“I didn’t tell him any lies!” Finch protested. “I told him what happened.”

Buttons rolled his eyes. “Yeah, and I bet you left out the part where you died for three minutes, and the part where they almost had to amputate not one but both of your legs, and the fact that you were in the ICU for almost a month before you were stable enough to be moved, and the part where you can barely sleep through the night without screaming in pain.”

“I was unconscious for most of those things,” Finch protested. “And I’m here now, so what does all that really matter?”

Buttons looked at Albert. “Is Race ever this stubborn about injuries?”

Albert considered for a moment. “Race isn’t usually the one who gets injured. That’s my job.”

Buttons sighed. “Consider yourself lucky.”

Albert thought back to the previous night’s events and how his efforts had gone to waste. He thought about how his hands had been shaking last night when he went to purchase Race’s advil. He thought about Race leaning into him last night as he guided him gently down the hall to their apartment. “Yeah,” he whispered, mostly to himself, “real lucky.”

Finch lifted his head and looked at Albert quizzically as if he were about to say something when Medda burst out of the back room calling his name.

“Albert!” she sang. “Would you be a dear and play these lovely customers some of your music?”

Albert smiled. “Of course Miss Medda.” He stood and began walking back towards the break room to grab his guitar. When he came back, Medda was talking to Finch about his condition.

“You feeling any better, baby?”

“A little bit,” Finch said as Albert began to tune his guitar. “Still a lot of pain, but we’re getting there.”

“That’s good, honey.”

Buttons adjusted the ice bag as Al plucked the E string. Finch winced slightly and Buttons picked up his hand and began to rub gentle circles into it with his thumb.

Guitar finally tuned, Albert moved toward the wood stove in the far corner of the coffee shop to begin playing. Medda usually had him play around 10 songs at a time.

He played a variety of slow indie coffee shop-esque songs and came down to the last one. He plucked a daw strings absently as he tried to decide what to play. His mind wandered for a few seconds before he decided.

He began to strum the opening chords before he sang.

“He’s watching the taxi driver he pulls away. He’s been locked up inside his apartment a hundred days. He says ‘yeah he’s still coming, just a little bit late, got stuck at the five and dime saving the day.’ He just watching the clouds roll by and they spell his name, like Lois Lane. But still he smiles, oh the way he smiles.”

Across the shop, Finch caught his eye, looking as if he were deep in thought.

“He’s talking to angels, counting the stars, making a wish on passing cars. He’s dancing with strangers, falling apart, waiting for Superman to pick him up in his arms, in his arms.”

Crap, Albert thought. He knows.

•••

Albert arrived back at his and Race’s apartment around 2 pm since he had had the morning shift at the coffee shop.

“Race?” He called out softly, hanging up his jacket and leaning up his skateboard against the wall. Apparently Oscar gave anyone involved in a heist the next day off so they could rest, sleep, tend to their wounds, etc. Since Race wasn’t in the kitchen or the living room, Albert assumed he might be napping.

He walked quietly down the hall to Race’s room and peeked inside. Sure enough, there was Race, curled up in an oversized sweatshirt and athletic pants, dozing gently on the bed.

Albert smiled and walked into the room, sitting down next to Race and pulling the throw blanket he kept at the end of the bed on top of him.

A few minutes later, Race began to stir. “Hey Albie,” he yawned, stretching slightly. “How was work?”

“It was okay,” Albert said, remembering Finch.

Race made a face, shifting to rest his head on Albert’s leg. “Your tone of voice and facial expression says otherwise,” he mumbled sleepily.

Albert laughed. Race could read him far too well. “Buttons brought Finch in today.”

“Oh, how is he? He was hurt on our case right?” Race had closed his eyes again.

“It’s bad, Race,” Albert whispered. “He lost most of his right arm, and he’s paralyzed. All those terms he told me….” Albert trailed off, thinking about all the medical shit Finch had told him. “There’s a good chance he won’t be able to walk again, Racer. And I just kept thinking, what if something like that happened to you?”

Race cracked open his eyes, staring up at his worried best friend and gently taking his hand. “I’m fine, Albie, there’s no need to worry about me,” Race reassured. “Last night went fine, I’m just a little beat up is all. I’ll be fine in a few days.”

“Are you sure hun?” Albert let the pet name slip out accidentally and he winced. He only called Race that when he was worried about him. But after last night, he had reason to be.

Race’s expression softened and he placed his hand on Albert’s leg. “Hey, hey. I’m okay,” he whispered.

“I know, I just,” Albert sighed, “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

Race snorted. “Says the person who has more scars than freckles.”

Albert rolled his eyes.

“I’ve danced my whole life, Albie,” Race reminded him. “I have a crazy ability to overcome minor physical injury.”

Albert sighed again, lacing his fingers though Races. After a few minutes Race spoke up. “Lay down with me?” he whined.

“Of course.” Albert stretched out next to Race, looping his arm around his chest, relishing in the physical contact that proved that Race was, in fact, okay. At least for now.

_________

im sorry but it had to be done

if you have any questions about finch please ask hes gonna be around for awhile

there was a version where he died but were Done With That

also that song Albert was singing was waiting for superman by daughtry

again sorry

but also not

ALSO AMPUTATING FINCHS ARM WAS FIZZ’S IDEA NOT MINE I TAKE NO CREDIT SHE WANTED HIM TO “not be able to shoot his slingshot anymore”

huuuuuu

feedback is always appreciated hmu to be on the tag list

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