#imagine building yourself a guillotine

[nomohmoss]

in an empty hall drops of water sound like applause

[hoyoversenews]

subscribe to my telegram - t.me/AratakaBattleBeetlesItto o((>ω< ))o

[wrathbites]

Figured I'd try something different for your Major Arcana prompts, @theoriginalladya :)

The Wheel of Fortune - what are your [character's] proudest successes?

I hope you're not expecting a list of my achievements while on active duty with the Alliance? No? Ah good, good, I don't much care for those, a quick browse on the extranet will tell you all about them. Makes for boring reading, I wouldn't bother if I was you.

Hmm... there's pride to be had in completing a project, yes? A goal you set yourself, conquering that final hurdle and sitting back to view your finished piece? Perhaps the simplest answer I can give you is every sweater I've made for another to be warm in winter, every blanket I've shipped off to a friend with the end recipient being their newborn, or their grandfather, or their dog with three legs and a skin condition. When patience isn't your strongest suit and time frequently works against you, sometimes it's the little things that prove the most important.

Does that make for a boring answer? Something you wouldn't expect of the "great" Commander Shepard? Then consider this: for the first time in almost three hundred years, there are quarian feet once again on Rannoch, building homes... lives... futures. And alongside them, working towards a cautious coexistence, are geth. A few years ago that wouldn't have been possible, no-one would've dared believe it possible, yet here we are. Make no mistake, I only played a small part in securing the truce between their peoples, but... well. I would count peace as a success, wouldn't you?

Temperance - how does your character balance their life?

By cutting off all forms of contact with the outside world and spending some much needed downtime with friends and family. Either by my choice or their hand, if I take too much work home. How and where I spend that downtime is private, I'm afraid.

The Wheel of Fortune in Reverse - when has your character felt their life was no longer under their control?

Come now, if I answer that one I'll have a fair few angry officials knocking on my door demanding an apology! I'd rather avoid another diplomatic incident, thank you.

[Ever since taking command of the SSV Normandy, there's been something of a media circus around him, judgement and guillotine waiting in the wings for one wrong misstep. But if you look before that, all the way back to Akuze, Rhys' survival during the vampire attack that day was his freedom's death certificate for many years to come.]

Temperance in Reverse - when has your character felt overwhelmed

After my turning there was... an adjustment period, shall we say? There's no manual on how to cope with the entire world around you being too sharp and bright and colourful and loud and smelly and chaotic, all the time, every second of every minute of every day, with no way to turn the dial back down to 5. The only respite I found was in isolation and even then... the quiet was torture, the clothes restrictive, the fibers itchy and maddening.

And... the Reaper War, though I imagine I'm not the only one still reeling from it.

[notmorbid]

bitter, pt. 2.

dialogue prompts from bitter by akwaekae emezi.

i need to know i’m not losing my mind.

it can’t be that bad, whatever it is.

eat the rich, remember? guillotines?

we’ve always been lucky to have you.

i didn’t know you even knew my name.

it’s not about justice. it’s about survival.

do you want that blood on your hands?

were you even going to tell me you were here?

i just want to be helping people.

you don’t understand. you weren’t there.

nothing true i could say would make you feel better.

in order to fight, we must know when to rest.

just know i never meant to hurt you or leave you out. okay?

i can’t imagine what i’d do if something happened to you.

the city is burning. have you noticed?

i see the rumors are true.

i need to know what the angels told you.

and, in case you’re forgotten, [place] is slightly on fire.

fewer questions, more damage control.

i didn’t know it was going to be like this.

you don’t have to endorse the killing right in front of the kids.

i’ll be okay. i’m not alone this time.

you’ll stay with me, right?

you’re not used to this. it could fuck you up.

you don’t have to force yourself through trauma just to prove something to yourself.

that’s all we can do, try.

how do you know your way is the right way?

we have to burn this world down before we can build a new one.

don’t trust any movement that’s trying to make martyrs out of kids.

i don’t know where the lines start or stop.

does it feel like justice to you yet?

i didn’t know it would feel like this.

come back. we can figure this out at home.

it doesn’t matter if you’re hungry. you still have to eat.

what we call a thing does not change what it is.

i thought i had more time.

humans don’t care about humans in general.

i love you, but i can’t do this right now.

can i come cuddle with you?

sorry i gave you a hard time. i was scared you wouldn’t come back.

i’ll always come back for you. we’re in this together.

i want you to do what makes you happy.

i want to take care of you. i want to give you somewhere safe and soft to rest.

we have time to imagine whatever we want and make it real.

you are my whole heart. i wish i could tell our kids everything about you one day.

[choiceofgames]

New game! Revolution Diabolique by Chris Conley

New game! Révolution Diabolique by Chris Conley is now available on Steam, iOS and Android. It's 20% off until March 3. Please reshare this with friends!

https://www.choiceofgames.com/revolution-diabolique/

“Révolution Diabolique” is a 425,000-word interactive dark fantasy novel by Chris Conley. It's entirely text-based, without graphics or sound effects, and fueled by the vast, unstoppable power of your imagination.

As a demonologist in eighteenth-century France, you study the world’s most dangerous forbidden magic in the safety of your provincial estate. You can summon forth a breathtaking variety of demons: some creep subtly around your enemies to confuse and distract them; some appear as terrifying monsters; some guide you towards unlocking even deeper secrets of the universe.

Now that the flames of revolution are beginning to kindle, you cannot hold yourself apart from politics for long. Every faction—monarchists, republicans, peasants, intellectuals, anarchists—would love to benefit from your power. Where will you send your demons? Will you unleash their power on the battlefield to aid or hinder the Revolution’s armies—or march on Paris itself? Will you lead a political faction with the secret knowledge that you have gained? Will you inspire a new cult dedicated to demons?

But all power comes with a price, and as you rise up, you will need to sacrifice something: your reputation, your fortune, your safety…or possibly even your life.

When the dust clears, will it be you who rules France?

• Play as male, female, or nonbinary; gay, straight, bi, ace, or poly • Rise to lead a faction of monarchists, aristocrats, peasants, or humanists • Use your magical might to change the course of history - or to take down your personal enemies • Build a palace to rival Versailles • Bring the study of demonology out of the shadows and into France’s loftiest salons and universities • Crush rebellious provinces with your demonic and military might—or join their uprising against Paris • Pursue romance amid the Revolution with a Parisian professor, a decorated military veteran, or a mystical philosopher • Lose your head to the guillotine—or use your magic to transcend death itself • Enjoy twenty full-color character portraits

Vive la Révolution Diabolique!

[shipskicksandgiggles]

Dialogue Prompts 

send a number and a pairing/dynamic and I’ll write a short drabble

“You’ve got this.” “You have a shocking amount of blind faith in me considering how many of my panic based decisions you know about.” “What do you mean ‘I know about?’”

“I need your help.” “Is this a ‘I have a homework assignment I haven’t started and it’s due in 3 minutes’ kind of situation or a ‘I need to bury a body’ situation?” “Worse.” “How do you get worse than murder-”

“I think I managed to convince one of my professors that I’m a certifiable genius and I don’t know how to tell him that I am an absolute moron.” “...how?”

“How many times do you think he’s used that exact same line to pick up other people?” “I don’t know dude, but how many shitty guys have flirted with you this week?”

“I’m cataloging that under conversations I’m not sure actually happened.”

“Hey where are you?” “In my dorm room, why?” “Oh I just met your doppelganger and it scared me.”

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” *nodding* “Lesbians.”

“I’m gonna beat the fuck out of this pretentious bastard.” “Good morning to you too then.”

“Hey, how do you write a letter to the people down the hall to say ‘I’m not trying to start a competition with Halloween decorations, but I still appreciate your effort and would like to match it?’” “What the fuck is happening in your building?”

(follow up to that last one) “Good news! I am now friends with the people I got in the door decorating not-contest with.” “Jesus Christ.”

“When was the last time you slept?” “No comment.”

“Please imagine calling John Mulaney ‘Mr. Mulaney’ in a formal setting.” “...go to bed, idiot.”

“Ma’am.... how do you interview a squirrel?”

“That’s a dog.” “...uh-huh.” “Cool.”

“So let me get this straight. You want to suck Captain America’s dick, but you can’t be bothered to remember his full name?”

“So good news: I found the football stadium.” “And the bad news?” “It took me a month to find it and it’s literally 2 blocks away.”

“I hate being the leader of the group.” “Do you… want someone else to do it?” “Absolutely not.”

“So you know Deadpool?” “I’ve literally been more terrified of a conversation in my life, but yes I do know Deadpool.”

“I’m not sure if that was a squirrel, a cat, or a raccoon, but I want to pet it.” “No-”

“That’s a dick.” “Don’t be rude-” “Dude I mean there is a literal penis as someone’s background right now.”

“Do you think squirrels are capable of murder?” “Probably why do you ask?” “One tried to break my kneecaps. I’m interested in the probability of murder.”

“So like, you know the guillotine?” “Yes? Where is this going?”

“Oh my god please don’t stab me!” “Why the fuck would I- oh, my knitting needles. Sorry.”

“I swear to God, if he wasn’t The Worst™ I would climb him like a tree.”

“Is reading your horoscope a spiritual thing? Because I have to tell my therapist something and this seems like that something.” “Just say you believe in stars now and hope it works.”

“Hey, what are your pronouns?” “What’s a pronoun?” “Um, what’s your gender?” “Oh! I’m straight.”

“Wait what’s this presentation on?” “We’re presenting in 5 minutes how do you not know?”

“How do I tell my parents I’m dropping out of college?”

“It’s 8am on a Tuesday and I would rather be drinking tequila but that’s not legal so I have espresso and that’ll have to work.”

“Sorry I got stressed so I went to a different building to color.”

“I have cried 10 times in the past 48 hours.” “Are you okay?” “Yeah I have stickers now.”

“Someone just said they’re proud of me and I genuinely think my heart stopped.” “Seriously, are you doing okay?”

“Hey you don’t care when I need to rant about the class I teach. You will not believe-”

“I have a reputation-” “You outed yourself as a nerd?” “I outed myself as a nerd.”

“If you get me started I’m not gonna shut up for like at least an hour are you sure you want to go there?” “Honestly? Yes, I’ve been waiting to hear you go off about this since I found out and I know you have thoughts.”

*Loud swearing* “Are you okay?” “Yeah hold on.”

“‘Bust your ass open’ is the funniest thing anybody has ever said to me, and I don’t think that’s what she meant to say.”

“If I have feelings I will simply pass away.” “You are the angel boy.” “...angel boy.”

“You need to have backups of everything. This includes but is not limited to: batteries, cameras, SD cards, coffee-”

“I’m not going to normally encourage this, but if you have to run your coffee pot at midnight, do it.”

(for context, see previous) “Why do you look exhausted? Are you guys okay?”

“I thought that kid died last week! Now he’s fine and kicking my ass in Kahoot!” “...stop laughing at me, I’m serious! He doesn’t even like this class, I swear to god.”

“I am so sick of talking. How do people do this all the time?” “Aren’t you getting a degree in that though?” “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I’m sorry, Professor. Did you just say that we used to have deer on campus?” “Yeah! They used to come up to the windows.” “...What?”

“I can’t believe I’m still ‘a pleasure to have in class’ in college. It hurts so much worse when it comes directly to your email instead of your parents.’”

[cursedfortune]

(😪) The Android had been spending quite a bit of time at the home of his lover, after work he would often stop by for a visit or to stay the night. This night he was running a little late, Android 16 would usually stop by his home to change but he liked to keep himself on a schedule and was eager to see Mortem. When 16 made it into her home, he found Mortem sitting in front of the fire. This wasn’t unusual but when he sat beside her, he noticed the tired look in her eyes and vacant stare into the kindling.

“You look as though some rest is needed.”

-@potas-time-patrol

Vulnerable. @potas-time-patrol

It's happening again.

A long day is meeting its end. The witch is bathed in the heat of the flames before her, warming away the chill of the setting sun. It's soothing, her shoulders relax and her eyes shut - tired. So very tired.

But the star that burns in the sky overhead, heating the endless sands of a desert she stands within - strobing as years pass too fast for the moon to be witnessed. It's only the sun. It was always just the sun.

Because 'the moon has been on earth all along.' a distant voice called. With a turn of her head she caught but a glimpse of what was there - a soft sigh catching her attention once more, whipping her head around.

"It must be so disorienting for the moon to within the territory of the sun. Ensnared with each and every step among the shifting gold. She who burns like a star yet covers the land in night - what are you doing here, witch?"

Her gaze settled upon a familiar figure, of a boy cloaked in grey - able to make out the weak smile upon his face. This is not her boy. This is not the soul she cherished. His smile is there for a moment and then his hands are pushing back the hood; the disfigured face suddenly reddening beneath the sun. Burning. Like all creatures of the night do.

Heavy as her legs are she runs, screaming, "Pull it up! Pull up your hood!" You're too young to go, boy. You have so much left to do. Her hand reaches out only for sand to encase her, burn her, hold her back from reaching the young vampire. It might as well be molten gold upon her skin. But is gold not better than white, witch? Wouldn’t you rather deal with ichor and obsidian than face the madness of never-ending white again? Is it not more comforting to suffer the loss of something else than to lose yourself in another’s false purity?

Lose him instead. Flee the woman in white. Find me. SAY MY NAME and I will bathe you in shade and build a moat of liquid gold to preserve you.

The agony in his face is just as bad as she has always imagined it to be and yet the witch finds him laughing. Even as the sand builds around him, above him, forming into a guillotine - the shimmer of the blade's edge that of glass as the sun sets between the pillars that hold it up, behind the boy she had known for centuries.

And just like the time before, he slips through her fingers.

Mortem always thought red and gold married well together, but upon these sands it was an absolute nightmare. These sands that held the history of the world buried deep beneath in the form of bones and blood. And down he went, sinking into the very fate he always fought to avoid.

The sun sets and the sands dissipate from her limbs, but nonetheless she is heavy still. Where there should be silence there is only breathing and the witch realized a moment too late it is not her own.

"You!" The voice roared from beneath, sands shifting and rising rapidly as a helm of bone rose forth, jaws unhinging to swallow her into its depths. The only thing she could see were a pair of burning stars among the empty socket of the helm before darkness filled her vision and she fell. And fell. And continued falling until she heard the familiar sound of an ocean as dark as the abyss. A rare spark of dread filled throughout her body, knowing well how impossible it was to escape the depths of such a vile sea.

But then she hears him. Feels him. Her soul flaring, reaching out for a lifeline from the spiral that's threatening to consume her. How one would never guess behind the neutral face how far she has wandered, just where her sight has been pulled to.

Her gaze adjusted, uncertain when her eyes had reopened but it mattered not. The witch lifted her attention to him, glad to see he had arrived for more than one reason.

"You've only just arrived. I'd rather spend some time awake with you." Mortem chimed sweetly, albeit tiredly as well. Of course that was true, but part of her was not ready to try and sleep just yet. Not when the burning sun could be felt still against her skin. It’s clockwork how easily the witch’s lips curved upwards - her nature acting as the rest of her sought to catch up. Funny how this is hardly a deception when the it comes so easily to transition out of a false reality and into the real thing.

But there was always the chance he wished to lay down. The witch was in no real mood to make decisions at this time, only longed for a pleasantness that would hopefully come in the form of her cuddling against him in any fashion. "You choose what you wish to do, lovely. I'll get settled based on that." Would it be reading? Expect her in his lap. Laying in bed? Curled into his side. Sitting beside the fire? Leaning against him. It mattered not what he would pick for she was ready to mindlessly follow his lead for once.

If only because it was him. Mortem knew a soft comfort again when in the presence of the android. A thing she had lost and been without for the majority of her life - yet here it was, in the form of a giant that she had stumbled upon in the forest. As if it was a trinket the crows had stolen away that she had only just come to find again.

Gently the witch took his hand, already feeling calmer.

[ofcloudsandstars]

CELESTIAL FORECAST

Week March 30-April 5th

Highlights for this week!

Tuesday the 31st Mars enters Aquarius! Time to revolt!

Friday the 3rd Venus moves into Gemini

Welcome to April!! Only two more weeks until 4/20 which is the beginning of chill Taurus season where we can hope the current crises in all of our lives will start to simmer the fuck down (preferably with a blunt). However that oasis is far away and things will heat up even more this week with the first quarter moon in Cancer putting up the pressure in Aries season as all sorts of celestial shifts take place this week.

30th

Moon in Gemini ☾ Lunar Trines with Juno rx in Libra and Ceres in Aquarius ☾ Lunar Squares with Mercury and Neptune and Eros in Pisces ☾ VOC 4:10PM-12:43PM

Energy: The energy today will feel highly contemplative as the moon continues to transit through gemini. The moon will trine with Juno retrograding in Libra bringing a bit of clarity to what we feel driven to devote our energy towards. Though trines are positive and open-flowing they are harmonious to the point of us not taking note of them being there so these qualities could be easy to overlook. However today notice what makes you feel emotionally satisfied when you apply hard work towards it (the trine in Ceres can help illuminate this) and reflect on where or who would it be beneficial to invest your energy towards. The moon will also square with Mercury, Neptune and Eros in Pisces giving a sense of inner pent up energy along with a lot of confusion and disagreements. Your intuition could be clouded with the Moon squaring Neptune and with the moon squaring Mercury there can be a lot of miscommunication, moodiness and strong tendencies to be opinionated. There can be a battle of emotions vs logic which should be kept internalized so it's best to focus inwards and see where you can positively channel your energy towards. The lunar square with Eros in Pisces, the asteroid of our passions and sexuality will build up a lot of tension to pour our creative energy towards something. It's best to try to focus on the positive trine energies than the conflicting squares to make the most out of this day.

Recommendations: Divination (Focusing on your strengths), pull a card to suggest what you should focus your energy on today, self isolation in your room interacting with your toxic house mates as little as possible, vision board, stream of consciousness writing

________________________

31st

Mars enters Aquarius Mars conjunct Saturn in Aquarius Venus conjunct with Sedna in Taurus

Moon enters Cancer (12:43PM) ☾ Lunar Oppositions with Pluto and Jupiter in Capricorn ☾ Lunar Sextile with Uranus in Taurus ☾ Lunar Square with Chiron in Aries

Energy: Get Ready for the Energy Shift!! These next two days will feel like you'll have a new sense of Fire with Mars entering Aquarius. The moon will even help shift the mood as it enters it's First Quarter Phase (officially tomorrow on the 1st of April though). Mars entering Aquarius (and conjuncting Saturn) will amplify the energy around Saturn's new saga in Aquarius. Mars being the planet of action, determination and inner drive will find it's new sense of motivation in Aquarius by focusing our attention towards teamwork, the well being of society (especially those who are marginalized and being treated unfairly), our community and how we use technology to connect. This will be a powerful time as our inner revolutionary is about to wake up for around 2 months long. Whatever bright ideas we may have to help the current situation will have the zeal to be placed into action. Being motivated only by self gain won't fair well under this martian transit. It's all about the benefit of the group. Venus will align with Sedna in Taurus helping to illuminate beauty in darkness. Sedna has a power to turn dark and bleak reality into opportunities for growth and creativity and Venus will help romanticize that energy as we gather to sharpen the guillotine. The moon in it's domicile sign of Cancer will heighten a lot of emotions. This can be expanded by it's opposition with Jupiter and Pluto in Capricorn which could inflame any addictions, cause inner turmoil and intensify feelings (as if they aren't intensified enough). On a positive note there is a sextile with Uranus that will promote positive change to our personal lives and emotional bodies if we work towards it. However we will really have to put some extra effort cause with all of the turmoil the emotional tsunami that this Cancer Moon will bring, it will also square Chiron in Aries bringing up triggering feelings of past traumas or deep soul wounds that we will feel the need to act upon. With the Mars's fire in Aquarius that energy could be positively channeled using our own pain in this world crisis but its easy to let things build up and get out of hand.

Recommendations: Meditation to center ourselves, protection magic towards others emotional outbursts, channeling our energy into new ideas to help the community, self care with kitchen witchcraft, bath witchcraft etc.

________________________

1st

First Quarter Moon in Cancer ☾ Lunar Trines with Mercury and Neptune in Pisces ☾ Lunar Squares with Sun in Aries and Juno rx in Libra

Energy: Welcome to April! We are knee-deep in sizzling Aries season now and if the past two days this week didn't make you feel like the heat was rising, the temperature will boil up like a pressure cooker from here until the climax of the full moon. This first quarter ushers us to put our ideas into action and sow seeds especially revolving around what makes us feel safe, protected and helps our family and homes. The moon will make a positive trine with Mercury and Neptune in Pisces which will give us a boost with channeling new ideas and inspiration. The moon will also square with the Sun in Aries and Juno retrograding in Libra which will add stress and tension in areas of the home, family, our safe spaces and where we devote our energy towards. Relationships are prone to disagreements at this time, negative emotions can rise up and get expressed through the ego and it's best to keep distance and not react too personally (though that may be hard when you are isolated with the worst flatmate ever ツ). If you are having issues with abusive family members or toxic flatmates, it's best to ward your space and protect yourself. Talking it out with them may bring some issues with the sun and moon square so it's best to keep distance and bide some time. However with confrontational fiery aries season it may be tough to do so, however in the UK we do get our daily government authorized walk in nature so go outside with your face mask and try to get some fresh air :)

Recommendations: Vision board, sowing seeds, manifesting, warding, protection, protecting your space

________________________

2nd

☾ Lunar Trine with Eros in Pisces, ☾ Lunar Sextile with Venus and Sedna in Taurus ☾ VOC 5:48PM-7:26PM ☾ Moon enters Leo ☾ Lunar Opposition with Ceres in Aquarius, ☾ Lunar Trine with Chiron in Aries, ☾ Lunar Square with Uranus in Taurus

Energy: Just writing this is making my chest hurt cause maybe we should all just take that government authorized 1 day walk and just stay the fuck outside and just have this walk last for a few days cause I can't imagine being stuck in my house with these fucking lunar transits during Aries season I am tired y'all.

Anyways, the moon will wrap up its tsunami of a transit in Cancer while it trines with Eros and sextiles with Venus and Sedna in Taurus. This will be great as the mess of emotions the moon in Cancer has kicked up like the sediment on the bottom of the Venice canals can potentially be channeled into good use potentially through art or an opportunity for inner growth. However the moon will be back on it's shit as it enters dramatic Leo, triggering most of us already having our Saturn return in Aquarius by crossing over our natal Chiron and stirring up some shit. There will be a square with Uranus in Taurus causing emotional dramatic outbursts and sudden change of face with people you are probably trapped indoors with showing a new sudden chaotic side. The opposition with Ceres could probably make us feel like we need to focus on our needs first cause no one else will support us which is not a great feeling to feed during times of isolation. However on a positive note, the moon will trine with Chiron in Aries giving us opportunities to heal and come to terms with our inner wounds only if we give it attention. If your home life is chaotic and only getting worse like a pressure cooker thanks to Aries season then try to make a safe space in your house or find a spot in your local park where you can make a barrier of 6 ft around you so that you can get some time alone outside. There is potential for healing in these chaotic times but realistically we know how it's like to be with people that are not caring about their growth or healing which can negatively impact your space so sometimes it's good to protect, ward, and back away when things get too fiery.  

Recommendations: Protection, warding and backing away bitch! Meditation and focusing on inner healing. Trance meditation.

________________________

3rd

Venus enters Gemini Mercury conjunct Neptune in Pisces ☾ Lunar Trine with Sun in Aries ☾ Lunar Sextile with Juno rx Libra

Energy: If we weren't all locked the hell down, this would be a great shift of energy as Venus gets all flirty and fun when it enters Gemini. Venus in Gemini loves new friendships, new hookups and turning new ideas into opportunities for pleasure and art. It captures the perfect spring fling mood and if we all get released while Venus is still in Gemini you can expect a lot of sudden hookups, new friendships and endless parties. However since we are all on time out Venus in Gemini confined could give birth to new forms of art styles and entertainment in the cyberspace along with way more group chats, cyber hang outs and thankfully hilarious memes to help us through this. Another powerful transit today will be Mercury and Neptune joining in Pisces. Our thinking and communication will be focused on spiritual topics and the arts. It will be a great day for focusing on divination, expanding our psychic mind and adding to our book of shadows. Additionally new insight could be acquired if you open your mind to the possibilities. The moon will make a positive trine with the Sun in Aries giving the day an optimistic and upbeat vibe. We will finally feel a bit of positive flow from the previous stagnating harsh transits. With the moon making a sextile with Juno rx Libra we could find some better clarity of where our efforts and attention has been devoted to and where we may be headed.

Recommendations: Connecting with loved ones on chat rooms, divination, psychic exercises, meditation, adding to our book of shadows

________________________

4th

Venus Gemini Trines Saturn in Aquarius Jupiter conjunct Pluto in Capricorn ☾ Lunar Opposition with Saturn and Mars in Aquarius ☾ Moon enters Virgo ☾ Lunar square with Venus in Gemini

Energy: Today's energy will feel like a sudden passionate drive will ignite you to commit to a creative project. With Venus in a trine with Saturn we will feel the need to devote ourselves to a creative project (or person, but lets be real we are locked down so unless you want to establish a long term romantic relationship with your houseplant then this most likely may manifest in a project for you), and with Jupiter and Pluto in conjunction we will feel focused and driven to succeed and what we are most passionate about. A mix of intense effort and good luck gives you the power and influence to make a big difference in your life. The moon will wrap up it's transit in Leo with an opposition with Saturn and Mars in Aquarius which could potentially put you in a temper and add a damper on your dreams but don't feel weighed down by this energy and instead transform it into what work you can do to accomplish what you need and how you can transform that moodiness into energy for work. The moon will then enter Virgo and make a square with Venus in Gemini which will result in another tension but slightly less intense. The combination of the moon in virgo squaring Venus in Gemini will give us the desire to seek out ways we can increase our pleasure through different sources that can stimulate our minds or entertain us. It will be a good day to wrap up our hard work with a movie or book or indulge in a film that could inspire us further with our project. There is a tendency for self indulgence but we are locked up so who cares. Smoke that bowl, watch that movie marathon, chill out.

Recommendations: Energy work, channeling your inner fire for work. Doing art, channeling magic into art, doing art meditation

________________________

5th

Moon in Virgo ☾ Lunar Opposition with Mercury, Neptune and Eros in Pisces ☾ Lunar Trine with Uranus in Taurus

Energy: Today will feel like a time for some reflection and changes as the moon will trine with Uranus giving us the perspective to shift our habits. There will be an opposition with mercury that can allow us to express our feelings (finally) instead of bottling them up or using it as fuel in fire yet also this opposition can cause some scrambled or polarized thinking especially with the moon eventually making an opposition with Neptune that will could drown what we feel in it's murky depths. The opposition can increase our emphatic sides and we may pick up moods from others we are around. It's good to once again set boundaries and try to enjoy some art alone. Take some time to journal and let out what you are feeling. Additionally with the moon opposite Eros it's a good time to review what inspires us and let out that energy in a stream of consciousness free write that can also help us untangle the mess of the moon opposing mercury.

Recommendations: Journaling, free writing, shadow work, cleansing space and warding

[tarithenurse]

Agent of Hope - 23

Your world falls into ruin together with the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcements Logistics Division when you find out that your boyfriend isn’t one of the good guys. Pairing: Brock Rumlow x fem!reader, Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader Contents: Errors (no, I did not spell check this time – shame on me), dealing with trauma, mental health care, feels, growth, smut, pain. A/N: So, this is one of those chapters that I call a “bridge”. Maybe that’s not the right term, but it’s needed for…reason. You know before tossing the last chapters at you. Lots of love for liking and reblogging!!

23 - Never give up. Never back down

…   Romanoff   …

The change comes creeping in like the first light of dawn that suddenly makes it possibly to make out the shape of furniture in the dark and later adding a depth to the surface even before the colours are visible. Some days are exhausting for both [Y/N] and Natasha in each their own way. One is drained from the weekly session with the psychologist or maybe the hard physical training under the stern but kind guidance of Maria. The other, a certain redhead, finds it had to stand by. Hands off even as her love struggles with nightmarish processes that set off nightmare after nightmare until her throat is raw from crying out in anguish. No preparation can make it easier. No knowledge of the importance can soothe the Avenger when she rocks the shaking woman in the dark of night.

But that’s not the real change.

The change is the flashes of peace. The straight back and head held high. It’s the healthy thoughts that are voiced, each time with a sense of acceptance that they are the truth.

Sitting in the kitchen of the Compound, [Y/N] is allowing herself to be completely absorbed in the book she’s reading only glancing up when the glass of lemonade is empty. Clint, who’s sitting next to her, is twirling a straw around in his own empty glass but otherwise only paying attention to the take-out menu. Supposedly. Natasha is fairly certain that she’s heard him drinking even after he’d drained the jug and as such running out of options for a refill plus it’s the kind of stunt the archer has pulled on pretty much anyone who isn’t paying attention to their snack, drinks, or food.

“Mister Barton,” [Y/N] begins hyper-politely, “do you have any knowledge of what might have happened to the last half of my lemonade?”

The man puts on the perfect display of surprise spiked with such a subtle outrage at the underlying accusation that Natasha knows 100% that he’s guilty. “What? Why should I know?”

“Not buying that,” you happily announce, “so I guess I’ll use you to test out something Maria told me about.”

You refuse to tell the suddenly nervous archer what it is, merely patting him on the shoulder as you get up to make a new batch of lemonade.

…   Reader   …

Every single muscle in your body is sore. It hurts to put on a sweater. There are muscles in your back you didn’t know you had screaming at you when you bend to put tie the shoes. Hell, you can barely face going to the loo because your thighs and butt are punishing you for all the work you’re putting into the training with Maria, but at least it’s finally paying off. The former SHIELD agent is an exceptional teacher: honest, but kind without talking to you like you’re a kid. Most importantly, though, there’s an unspoken understanding of why you feel like you have to learn to defend yourself and perhaps feel like you’re in control of your own body. So that’s where she’s started.

First, she has helped you get into shape with simple cardio and strength, teaching exercises you can use on your own in the impressive gym two floors down. The second step has been to show how to use defend against simple attacks by using the other person’s body (weight and size) against them – your own stature is irrelevant or can even be used as an active benefit.

“Aaaah.” Hot water sloshes against the sides of the tub as you lower yourself into the soothing bath.

Natasha’s voice drift through the gap by the door: “Should I be jealous?”

She’s perched on the bed with the blue light from the tablet creating shadows almost as ominous as the intel she’s studying for tomorrow’s missions. Well, it starts in the morning when the present Avengers (Tony, Nat, Cap, and Clint) all leave for wherever they’re heading, and if all goes well they should be back in three days.

“Mhmmmmm…I’m having an affair with the bathtub.” The heat seeps into stiff limbs, dissolving reluctant tensions. “Sometimes we even go as far as adding bubbles to our fun.”

There’s an audible snort and you can imagine the exasperated eyeroll that doesn’t diminish her smile. Perfect, that’s how it is. Sliding deeper into the water, jaw skimming the surface as steam rises past the face, you’re completely enveloped in subtle heat and it lulls you into a drowsy contentment that pulls the eyelids down.

A rustle of clothes seems to filter in from far away before the water and you are stirred by sleek limbs as Natasha settles between your willingly parting legs, back against chest, with a quiet moan. Perhaps it’s an addiction rather than natural behaviour, but your hands are drawn to her, first massaging the tension from shoulders that hold up your world too before flat palms start stroking her arms. Her chest. The swell of her breasts where fingertips tug and twist the rapidly hardening nipples only for the warm water to soothe the skin.

She’s your friend, ally, and lover. Someone you never planned on being such an integral part of your soul and though logic dictates you could be happy without her, you simply don’t want to try. Natasha.

You love these moments when the tough hero melts like snow in your hands, head resting against your chest and mouth slightly open to release the quaking sighs of satisfaction conjured by you and no one else. Tasha is surrounded by you, laid out bare and vulnerable and easy to read. Breaths hitch, toes curl, her fingers dig into the flesh of your thighs as your fingers move faster now they’ve found her clit. She’s granted a few fingers for the core to clench around, and holy fuck, the heat fluttering around the digits that curl against the soft walls is beyond divine. Better than any bath could be.

The name on her lips as she falls apart in your hold is like a prayer. Or the praise from a goddess who has decided to adorn the life of a mere mortal, you.

“[Y/N]!” There’s a hint of a whine to her gasp. “I love you.”

The red locks are matted against her skull from the steam but still soft on your lips as you find the way to her ear. “I lo–”

Out of nowhere, the pain bombards you, starting in your head but sending rigid tendrils into the rest of your body.

…

Gone is the gentle lapping of the water and the comfortable weight of Natasha’s body against you. Fighting against leaded eyelids, you catch a glimmer of white and steel illuminated by a (thankfully dimmed) panel of LED lights overhead, but it’s the smell of hand sanitizer that reveals where this is. Infirmary. This time, as you try to look around again, it’s evident that you’re alone. Aware of an itch on the back of your hand, it’s with some trepidation you begin to search for the button to call for the nurse or whoever’s on duty.

What happened? You recall the bath, the sighs on Tasha’s lips before…the vision. The scene had unfolded (or will unfold) somewhere tropical, a lush jungle as a backdrop for the little houses in a village or maybe the outskirts of a town. It’s the two-story building with the flaking reddish concrete that holds Brock, so that’s where you have to go because you’re the only one that can get access to the place. But…why? There’s no logic to it as far as you can tell. Why would he let me in? But he did, or will, waiting on the other side of the door with a crazed smile as if it had been an agreement to meet. It hurts just to think about it, and not just in your head.

A door slides open with the ssshhh of vacuum, allowing the petite Dr. Cho to enter with Maria Hill in tow.

“How you feelin’?” Maria asks, phone in hand and thumb dancing on the little screen, “Promised to let Natasha know as soon as you woke up.”

Your throat is dry when you try to answer, but Cho is already prepared and stands with a glass of water with a straw in it. It’s drained before you try again. “I’m ‘kay…I guess.” Admittedly, you wouldn’t quite mind volunteering to test a guillotine, but that just means you’re alive. “Where’s Tasha? Why am I here?”

…   Romanoff   …

48 hours. Learning to wait had been a part of Natasha’s training, but the last 48 hours after [Y/N] seized up in the bathtub have been the longest and hardest to get through for the former assassin. Steve had offered she stayed back, he could ask his buddy Sam to cover, but of course she can’t accept that either. The redhead needs to stay busy which isn’t an option if she stayed by the side of the bed. Useless, that’s what Tasha would have been.

“Everything’s okay?” Clint asks, placing the last slice of cheese on the impressive sandwich he’s made.

There’s a distinct absence of weight on Natasha’s chest, a pressure she hadn’t allowed herself to focus on until now when she finally can breathe freely again. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

[dogboy-willgraham]

Gen X and Boomers: Go outside, entertain yourself with your imagination like we used to do before the internet. 

Gen Z, who has been plotting and writing 50 fanfics and learning how to draw and build guillotines within the span of a month: *Sighs*

[shewolfofficial]

Prince!Levi x Thief!Reader

So I just watched the new Alladin, it gave me a lil idea so here it is

Warning: Cursing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The padder of footsteps against the thin wooden planks above the market sounded in your ears, scurrying across the podiums with either arms out at either side to maintain the balance you held a concentrated grimace on your face with your teeth bit into your lower lip. The angered shouts of guards from behind you urged you on. Hurrying off the bannisters you landed on a flattened rooftop. Taking off in another sprint you clutched the diamond-laced necklace in your hand as it shimmered in the broad daylight. A playful giggle took over as you hopped from roof to roof, swinging off of wooden bannisters and sliding down a brick tiled rooftop where you landed in the middle of the crowd. 

The shouts and barks of orders were tossed about as you blended in with the crowd in a hurried walk down a street of little market stalls either side, careful not to get possibly pickpocketed or either bump into someone you continued onwards until the furious calls of the city guards dimmed down to nothing.

Another successful day on the job.

A smirk of triumph graced your lips as you took a hold of a ladder hidden away in a back street, scurrying up the ladder onto another common rooftop you disappeared into your hideout which was on the rooftop- a small enough apartment kept away from the noisy crowds and hidden away from unwanted attention.

Flopping onto your sad excuse of a couch you fondled with the prize of today, that pricey diamond necklace from the jewellers which was worth more than you could ever imagine. Your plan to do with it? Sell it for a fortune to afford a good place to rent and maybe get one of those monkey companions that can help you steal from the black market out of the city. A sigh left your lips as you glanced around, bright sunlight lit up your small home, and the view out through your window gave you a perfect sight of the king’s palace, a balcony that faced outwards where the sun would usually rise- that’s where you could see that short excuse of a prince walk out onto and stay for some time to most likely clear his head.

Oh how much you’d get for stealing something from that prince..?

But was it worth it? The last time someone tried to break into the palace and steal, well, that ended up with them greeting the guillotine the next day. Not a good sight whatsoever. Whenever you saw the prince or any member from the royal family, of course, in your eyes was money signs with big red writing above them saying ‘ Steal from me! ‘.

Even for his short height, the prince was devilishly handsome, extremely, yet he refused to court any princess when the question came up. And the fact that he had quite a colourful mouth added to his character making him all the more interesting.

Maybe you should give that palace a go?

// Time Skip \\

The moon illuminated the dark night sky, even if it was night, the air was still warm, stars twinkled softly in the darkened blanket sky. Faint white clouds came here and there and passed after a few minutes, belt loosely strapped around your waist- your leggings hugged your legs along with the small boots you had on, white shirt along with a brown corset like vest to accompany your shirt. Sleeves rolled up to your elbows along with the scruffy collar standing up on one side whilst the other side stayed down in a messy manner, but did you care? 

You couldn’t give a single shit if you were being honest.

Skillfully skimming across the rooftops with the near enough silent patter of your boots hitting off the pavement of the buildings you arrived underneath the balcony of the prince’s room. Warm orange like light seeping out through the opened double doors into the night. Cracking your knuckles you gripped the grooves and uneven edges of the wall- manoeuvring yourself upwards and over the stone railings you peacefully landed on the balcony, looking into the luxurious room of the prince. Maybe he was sleeping or at a meeting and left his balcony open? Oh, how easy tonight would be if either of those were to be the situation.

Standing up you crept over to the double doors and peered inside, looking from left to right. His bedroom alone was huge! It had to be bigger than that sad excuse of a home you have! Sneaking inside like a careful panther stalking its prey you arrived at his dresser where a massive mirror sat facing his huge yet comfortable looking bed, well, of course, it had to be comfortable, he was the prince after all! Neatly folded cravats and ties lay on the dresser, charmless silver, gold and some diamond plated rings and chains hung on some sort of wooden hanger for his little accessories.

You were in a daze and train of thought of what to take and if you should take it all when the presumable bathroom door opened. Your eyes grew wide as you snapped your head in the direction of the on suite to see the one and only raven haired male walk out, black pants and unbuttoned shirt completely stop in his tracks when he cast his gaze upon you. The both of you had a silent stare off for a few moments before he clicked his tongue and adjusted the hem of his sleeve and continued into his bedroom looking like he didn’t give a single shit whatsoever. ‘’Hello once again L/N, I enjoy the shows you do put on near enough every day in the market. Just like the one today, stealing from the jewellers now I see? Very bold of you’’ he hummed with a blank tone as he sat at the edge of his bed, you kept silent, gently holding one of his chains in your hand until you giggled softly.

‘‘Ah well, Levi, I have to live from something somehow’‘ you carelessly shrugged and returned the chain back into its place, sauntering over you sat on your boyfriend’s lap and wrapped your arms around his neck lightly.

Yes, you heard it, boyfriend. Boyfriend of almost three years to be exact. Though you couldn’t help with your playful sarcasm earlier when talking about stealing from the royal family- you had surely stolen the young raven haired male’s heart after a few encounters. Levi wrapped his arms around your waist as you straddled his lap and playfully pouted at him. ‘’I need the money and thankfully I got it from that jewellers, your guards put up quite the chase I managed to escape like always’’ you pecked his lips as he dug his face into the crook of your neck. ‘’You resemble a stray cat, though you’re not as scruffy as one. You definitely resemble one from your actions.’’ Levi stated hearing you laugh a little ‘’a stray cat and you’re the royal dog, wonder what breed of dog though? Chihuahua maybe?’’ you teased as Levi growled and nibbled on your neck, his hold on you tightening a little in a squeeze ‘’watch your mouth you troublemaking brat.’’ he grumbled as you pulled away from him, cupping his face with a pout as his gunmetal orbs flicked up to meet your own.

‘‘I’m only messing with you, I’m sorry~’‘ you sighed- pout turning into a miniature smile as Levi brings you into another short kiss. ‘‘Maybe you should stay the night, your place must be fucking cold at this hour.’‘ the male continued as you hopped off his lap, standing up he led you to the balcony as you trailed behind. ‘‘Correct, once the heat begins to calm down in the night I do become a popsicle.’‘ sarcastically relying you join Levi’s side on the balcony and rest your elbow on it. Cocking your arm up to rest your cheek on the palm of your hand you gazed outwards towards the city with glowing lights. Levi scoffed for a second, clasping his hands together and leaning against the railing as he took a glimpse to you for a few seconds. ‘‘I have the money, tell me what you need and I’ll get it for you. Isn’t that hard now is it?’‘ he droned examining the way your E/C orbs shimmered in the reflection of the city lights. 

You frowned and turned to Levi ‘’as I said before, I don’t need your money, plus your father would have my head if he found out we’re seeing each other- not that he already wants my head that is..’’ you answered as Levi stared blankly at you. ‘’Don’t act as if we haven’t lost our virginity to each other F/N, you’re stuck with me okay shithead? Even if my fucking parents won’t shut the fuck up about marrying off to some petty spoiled princess and get an heir, they can go fuck themselves’’ he growled with a scowl growing on his handsome features as you giggled. Levi’s hardened features softened a little from the sound of your giggles as he faced you once again- you both fell into a comfortable silence. 

‘‘I might as well go home.. It’s getting late and I need my beauty sleep’‘ 

‘‘F/N you know you can stay here whenever you feel like it, you know that right?’‘ Levi sounded concerned, you sighed and showed him a gentle smile before you hopped onto the stone railing in a crouch. ‘‘I know and I think that’s sweet of you to say, I’ll survive Levi, have a good night, I love you’‘ you mumbled pecking his nose- watching his face scrunch up into an irritating blush you playfully rolled your eyes. ‘‘Yeah, yeah, got it, now skiddadle before someone catches you-you goddamn idiot’‘ Levi teasingly replied before tapping your butt as you turned away from him to hop off his balcony.

And like that, you were off with the night again, the street lights and warm torches from the inside of restaurants and homes lighting you up as you hurried across the rooftops away from the palace, H/C hair shining and arms going out either side to maintain balance over some structures as Levi watched you disappear into the busy unwavering streets of the city.

[hoyoversenews]

subscribe to my telegram - t.me/AratakaBattleBeetlesItto o((>ω< ))o

[gentlelarkspur]

Faces Through Time [a short Good Omens genfic]

In which a young aspiring art historian stumbles across a pair of figures that seem to haunt the artistic world through the ages.

Its been so long since I wrote any kind of fanfiction that I don’t even know how this works anymore lol. So long in fact that I don’t have access to the email I made my original AO3 account with and didn’t realize you still have to wait for invites to sign up again, so no AO3 link for this.

Tags: Genfic, OC, Aziraphale/Crowley implied. Word Count: 2,138

FACES THROUGH TIME

“It’s a coincidence, Carmen, that’s all.”

“I’m telling you Maxwell—”

“That, what? The same figures featured in art across the millennium, around the world? That’s simply—”

“More than a millennium, Max!” Carmen Fernandez sat down defiantly in the large over-worn chair behind her, dropping the folders in her arms with finality on her advisor’s desk. She flipped open the top one and pulled out a handful of papers and spread them in front of her. “Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised to see them in a couple of cave paintings, if they had that kind of detail. Just look! Here!”

Carmen started to pull out another group of papers, the whole mess seeming to multiply of its own accord across the desk like particularly industrious rabbits. Maxwell ran a hand through a shock of gray hair with a sigh, and sat back in his office chair, leveling a weary gaze at his student. She ignored it with the ease of practice and held up a large photocopy from a book.

“Right here, see? The same two figures, light and dark, sometimes separate, usually together. I’ll admit, some of them are too stylistic to be sure, especially the vases, yes, I agree, but see, look! Here, in this painting unearthed in Pompeii just last year—”

Carmen pushed the photocopy toward Maxwell. A beautiful wall painting depicting a lavish banquet with entertainment sprawled across the paper. Two figures had been circled in highlighter; a tall man in dark robes drank wine from beside a shorter man, robed in white, as he dined on bread and meats. Maxwell only had time to take it in for a moment before Carmen pushed another paper into his hands.

“And here, later, this bust, with those striking features and those strange eyes, it has an uncanny resemblance to this sketch—” another paper replaced that one “--by Michelangelo AGAIN with that second figure! And here—” another paper “-- even earlier, in this illustrated manuscript, and then later—“ yet another “--in this painting from France during the revolution in a crowd at the guillotine, and even in Seurat’s most famous painting!--” a book, this time, large and awkward  “--you can see a pair of figures in the far distance, one light and one dark, strolling side by side along the walk. And look—”

“Carmen,” Maxwell interrupted as quickly as he could, before yet another piece of evidence could be thrust his way.

“But--”

“Carmen, please, stop!” Maxwell rubbed his eyes and set the book down gingerly with the other hand. “I applaud your enthusiasm, but listen to yourself for a moment, for Christ’s sake. I mean, what are you even trying to suggest? That these men are somehow immortal and… what? Also happen to be favorite subjects for artists across the globe through time?”

It’s not that Carmen couldn’t hear the sarcasm or the exasperation. It’s just that she didn’t want to.

“Yes, exactly that, actually,” she said curtly. She flipped open another folder containing more notes and photocopied proof. “I have more—”

“No more, Carmen.” Maxwell spread his hands in a gesture that managed to be both denial and defeat all in one. He stood up quickly from his desk and pulled the sweater from the back of his chair behind him. “It’s Friday. I’m going home. I SUGGEST,” he said, holding up a finger as Carmen began to speak. “That you go home as well and think about something more productive you could spend your time on. As far as this thesis proposal goes, I’m sorry Carmen, but I can’t give you the green light on it. It’s a crackpot theory, and you’d be laughed out of your defense before you even started.”

He raised his finger again as Carmen started to open her mouth in indignation.

“Enough! Now go home!”

 -----

Outside, in the cool fall air, Carmen fumed her way down the stairs of the department building. She had been muttering to herself all the way down the elevator, and now that she was outside in the open the muttering raised a noticeable volume, until Carmen was half shouting over her shoulder at a very confused and rather insulted piece of wall.

“Crackpot theory! I’ll crackpot theory you, you stubborn old son of a—"

Carmen’s mobile began to ring, and she fished it out of her coat pocket with annoyance.

“Hello?!” she said aggressively. The voice on the other end seemed taken aback.

“Um, hello? Miss Fernandez? It’s, um, me.”

“Me?” Carmen blinked. “Me who?”

“Mr. Bux, miss. You called about the lithographs.”

“Oh!” Carmen’s brain snapped back from whatever curses she had been imagining upon Maxwell and found itself squarely in the present again. “Of course, Mr. Bux! My apologies. Were you able to find anything?”

“Oh, well, um, not the original stand-alones, unfortunately. But I did find a reference to them being reprinted in a book on travel, published in 1835. I don’t personally have a copy, but I have an acquaintance who just so happens to know someone who knows a man who told him of a fellow who runs a bookshop that he believes might have just what you need.”

“A bookshop? Where?”

“On that account, Miss Fernandez, you’re in luck…”

-----

The bell above the door gave a quiet chime as Carmen entered. Outside, the busy Soho street was a din of human noise, but the moment the door shut the sound seemed to fall away. Inside it was quiet and empty, aside from the rows of books that crowded together like curious onlookers, watching the intruder with a cautious eye. Dust floated through the occasional shaft of chilled afternoon sunlight, giving the air a gilded look. For a moment, Carmen couldn’t move, didn’t dare to breath. Breaking that stillness and that silence felt like a crime, like blasphemy against something old and sacred.

The feeling was broken when some of the gilded dust reached Carmen’s nose and she sneezed, so loud in the quiet that she made herself jump. The spell broken, Carmen shook her head and moved into the shop cautiously, calling ahead.

“Hello? Excuse me, is anyone here?”

The young woman walked past row upon row of old leatherbound books on dark wooden shelves. Nothing stirred. No other customers, no shop assistants. Not even the air seemed to move much around her, though despite the stillness it didn’t feel stuffy. In fact, it was surprisingly comfortable. Carmen found herself taking a deep breath and inhaling the scent of books and dust and… something else. Something earthy, or maybe woody. Familiar, but Carmen couldn’t quite place it. It reminded her of being home with her grandmother on the weekends, or the sweet scent of candles and incense on Sundays, or…

Carmen couldn’t place it. But it smelled good.

“Hello?” she tried again. She reached the center of the shop, and looked at the beautiful display around her, admiring the artistry of its design and the way the skylight above lit it like a gentle spotlight. As she was looking up, a polite cough sounded behind her. Carmen looked down immediately, startled. Her eyes were momentarily blinded from looking so quickly into the shadows of the shop after staring up into the light, and she squinted at the blurred figure before her, not able to see it quite clearly yet.

“Hi, yes, hello,” she said. “Sorry, um. Are you Mr. Fell?”

“Yes, that would be me,” said the figure in a light voice. “Can I help you?”

“Yes, um. I was sent here by Mr. Bux, the bookseller. He said you might have a copy of an old book of lithographs that I’m looking for.”

The figure in front of her moved a little closer, out of the shadows and into the light. Carmen blinked, her eyes finally readjusting. As they did so, she gasped, and nearly took a step back. Only her manners, and her shock, kept her standing still.

Before her stood a man, more or less. The face was not a young one, nor an old one really. The hair was a halo of light, feathery blond curls that went whatever way they seem to desire, though most of it was vaguely upwards. His clothes were old fashioned by any standard, all tan and cream in color, one perfectly manicured hand holding a lapel mindlessly, as if it was just an easy place to rest the thing until needed. There was something curious about him, something that felt in between rather than anywhere solid, and yet he was wholly real, and wholly here.

And wholly familiar.

Carmen stared in disbelief, her eyes wide. She didn’t need to pull out the mountain of photocopies just to make sure. The recognition was instant. She knew.

“Are you alright, my dear?” the man asked, a look of concern crossing his face. He took a step forward.

Carmen stepped back.

“I…uh…that is, you…”

Whatever Carmen was going to say was interrupted by the front bell chiming, and the sound of the door being slammed rang out like a shot through the silence. Carmen nearly jumped out of her skin, and both she and the man before her turned their heads to look toward the entrance as a voice called out.

“Aziraphale! Are you ready yet?”

“Oh, um, oh dear…” Mr. Fell –Aziraphale, Carmen corrected in her head as she turned back toward him again—looked flustered for a moment and glanced between Carmen and a figure that was making its way down the main isle. “I’m sorry, young lady, just...”

He had started to move to intercept the figure but was already too late. Somehow, despite moving at what Carmen could only describe as a casual saunter, it had managed to cross the distance at a surprising speed, and now stood like a lank shadow next to the nearest bookcase.

“Oh, what’s this?” the shadow said in a voice that dripped like honey, if honey was feeling particularly languid that day. “Customer? You actually get customers?”

Aziraphael moved closer to the newcomer, placing himself somewhat between Carmen and the man.

“Uh, yes, Crowley, I do. If you just give me a moment, I’ll get this sorted and…”

“Seriously, angel, I thought you did everything in your power to prevent this kind of thing,” the man said, with a gesture around the shop. “Selling the books, I mean.”

“Yes, well, needs must as they say.”

Carmen stared at the two men, her eyes darting between them like a tennis match.

Angel. The word caught on her mind like a hook. And then—

“Oh,” she said, the matter very suddenly and violently setting itself to rights in her mind. “OH.”

Carmen sat down with a hard thump in the chair nearest to her.

“Oh, my dear, are you alright?” Aziraphale turned from Crowley and came over to her, his hands moving rather uselessly in the air as she stared at the floor. “Are you ill? Is there something I can do?”

For a moment, Carmen was ill. A wave of nausea overtook her, and she put her head between her knees and waited for the floor to stop moving. And then, just as quickly as it had come, it was gone. And three months of curiosity and investigative spirit was gone with it.

Carmen looked up quickly at the man standing over her, and then across his shoulder to the one that slouched in the shadows. She didn’t smile. She just nodded, something between an acknowledgement and a final dismissal, and then quickly stood up.

“I’m fine, thank you,” she said. She politely pushed past Aziraphale and started to head for the door. She nodded again, curtly, at the lanky figure in sunglasses as she passed him, who followed her movement with a raised eyebrow. “If you’ll excuse me.”

“Oh!” Aziraphale looked after her, confused. “Weren’t you looking for something, miss?”

“I was,” Carmen said.

“But don’t you want to find it?” he called after her.

Carmen waved a hand back.

“I already did, thanks!”

-----

On Monday, Maxwell stepped into the hallway of his department offices and sighed. Carmen sat on the floor in front of his office, with a folder in hand. As he approached, keys in hand, she stood up and held out the folder.

“Good morning, Carmen,” Maxwell said, shying away from the folder like a wary horse. “Got some more proof for me today?”

“Nope,” Carmen said, her lips quirking into a strange half-smile.

Maxwell looked down at the manila folder suspiciously.

“Then what?”

“Some thesis ideas. I was hoping we could go over them.”

“No more crackpot theory then?” Maxwell asked, visibly relieved.

“No. No more theory,” she said.

Who needs a theory when you have the facts, anyway? she thought, and smiled.

[soobadnoonecanstopher]

Only the One you Love, Part 9 (A Kyungsoo Series)

Genre: Angst / Romance / Smut / Fluff

Characters: You X Kyungsoo

Warnings: Graphic Smut, unprotected sex, some tense strawberries meant for human consumption, a mighty thirst, your author breaking the 4th wall, and omg two Y/Ns collide. Those who have read all three series in this universe (All His, I Give Up, and 2am) will find parts of this chapter particularly significant.

Only the One you Love[M]:  part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9

There is power in panic.

Panic makes people stupid.

Mass panic has the ability to turn a single rational human being into an animal incapable of rational thought -- when panic is introduced into a group of people; formerly rational human beings are capable of trampling over each other to reach the exit of a burning building. Panic makes a once smart person, a damn imbecile.  

Panic has the ability to take what you thought would be a reasonably dealt with situation like oh, an accidental kiss on the lips -- something that could be just a slip but definitely nothing to lose your mind over. It could have been something to be absolved with an apology — oh, sorry I drank a little too much and got too excited; sorry I lost my mind for a moment; sorry it felt so normal and comfortable, I forgot who you were for a second, I don’t know what came over me — when panic takes ahold of that situation, sometimes things can get much, much worse.

You swear to god, you used to be normal.

But panic had turned you into a dumb, instinctual animal and they were all watching you with their shocked faces and Kyungsoo...Kyungsoo was absolutely frozen with it. The shock of it.

You had just kissed him on the lips after winning a stupid drinking game and you did it with witnesses. S.M. employed managers were here. Staff members loomed along the edges of the room with drinks in hand and thoroughly scandalized looks on their faces — mouths agape in unison like a television church choir silenced by the mute button. They were watching and they were forming their conclusions and oh christ you were done for. Their conclusions would be the end of you. There would be an investigation. There would be lawyers. There would roll your head along the wooden platform after the guillotine was pulled to the ground by the gravity of this mistake.

You felt the fear course through your chest and — oh god oh god — was that the taste bile on the back of your tongue?

Somewhere inside your panicked mind, in the same space that clawed and shoved bodies out of the way as flames licked and climbed the walls behind your back, sat your imagination pouring through the books searching for the solution to this mess — oh god, you would be fired. You would be sued. You’d never get to keep another dime of your own paycheck and you’d be blacklisted from any and every translating job you ever applied fo — somewhere inside the panic grew a plan. A terribly stupid and horrible plan.

Inappropriate personal relations with idol group members.

Personal...personal.

The panic was powerful. You were out of ideas. You’d remove the personal part.

If Kyungsoo’s eyes had been huge when you pulled your lips away from his, they nearly fell right out of his head when you clapped your hands in front of your face in faked, over the top, vomit inducing celebration of winning that stupid game, his eyes, they shook and trembled in confusion when you spun away from him and grabbed the nearest human body that happened to occupy the space of earth beside Kyungsoo. This new person, another member of your inept band of idiots hereby assembled and crowned as the winners — another member of the Singles, with his eyes unblinking and his face frozen in genuine surprise — you pulled that boy down, your hands yanked on warm cheeks until your lips made contact with his lips and you smacked loudly and dramatically before you shoved him away, a maniacal laugh bursting from deep within your lungs.

You sounded possessed. Perhaps you had been. Jongin gasped and fell down onto the couch behind him and covered his mouth with the flat of his palm.

Sehun stood beside Jongin and he watched your approach. You didn’t have time for reservations. You didn’t have time for the furrow of Sehun’s eyebrows or the hard-line set of his lips at watching you whirl around the room placing your lips on whoever the hell crossed your path.

This was a farce. You were halfway through with it and then you could die in peace and Sehun resisted so much less than Jongin did. Sehun, for the love of god, he actually leaned into you and you felt the slightest purse of his lips against yours when you did it; when you kissed him — you were a fool. You hadn’t meant it. You were an asshole. You knew it was wrong. You knew it was the worst sin against him with how you knew he felt about you and yet, you were desperate. You pushed against the warm firmness of his chest and you felt the grip of his hand over yours. You opened your eyes to see his own brown eyes searching yours for an explanation.

“This is how we celebrate a win...the uhh European way, ha ha ha—” you lied through your teeth with a bright and cheerful smile on your face. If you smiled widely enough, would he believe it? Would they all believe the bullshit you served?

You didn’t even want to turn and look at any of the others, least of all Kyungsoo, who was a witness to the spectacle you were causing. You didn’t want to move on to Chanyeol who had actually taken a step forward with his arms extended and a cheeky smile on his face — he waited for his kiss. He welcomed it and your body resisted — actually resisted that step into him. Your stomach felt queasy and your hands were beginning to tremble as voices began to speak up behind you.

“That surprised me! I was wondering what the hell was going on.”

“But I guess that’s how Europeans are.”

“It’s a different culture after all.”

“They even have nude beaches in France.”

Oh, the lies upon lies. Oh, you hoped they would just buy it and move on while simultaneously never ever, ever mentioning it to you or anyone else ever again. Ever.

Chanyeol’s smile was too wide and he invited too much for you to give in comfortably. Not on the lips, you just… hadn’t you done enough? He was a member of the Singles team. He was part of this joyous celebration in which you reveled like a maniac. You wondered if you could get away with a swift high five for him when he leaned in and puckered his lips with a giggle. You could smell the liquor coming off his breath with the laugh and you aimed low, hitting the tip of his chin with your loud ceremonial smack and you were pushing him down roughly in mock laughter. You didn’t care about the look of mild disappointment that flashed across his face as he sat down hard on the sofa beside Jongin who only stared off into space with a shell-shocked expression on his face.

Oh god, sorry Jongin  -- Your guilty mind screamed at you --  He was a casualty of your lies. The room was spinning and your head was overheated. The party crowd had erupted into a noisy brouhaha; half accepting of your weird celebratory ways, half peppered with murmured disagreements on how you should behave while living in Korea, regardless of the other places you had been and it seemed like maybe, just maybe this group was drunk enough to blindly accept your rouse.

You wanted to run. You wanted to hide away forever and so you grabbed your empty drink glass for an excuse as you bolted -- a mumble about getting a refill tossed toward anyone who might still be paying attention to you. Your glance around the space was met with two pairs of deep brown eyes who indeed seemed to be paying very close attention to you.

You wanted cold; You wanted all of the cold everything you could have. It felt like your entire head was on fire. You wanted ice.

You also wanted a shovel and a deep hole, maybe even a heavy rock to set on top so you never ever had to come out again in this lifetime.

Inside the kitchen, you found the fridge and opened the top freezer compartment and you leaned your entire head deep inside. The chilly air coming from the freezer felt like salvation and you could feel its spindly fingers touching lightly along your burning cheeks. The cold felt amazing enough to let out a low groan into the empty space of that hotel room freezer. Soon enough, your groaning turned sour as your short-term memory flashed your most recent public disaster like movie replay and you wanted to die all over again. Not even the cold of the freezer could help this. What a disaster you were! You had just kissed 4 members of Exo; well, 3 and kinda Chanyeol, in front of everybody and they were no doubt out there still talking about what a goddamn mess of a human being you were. You stomped your legs hard into the floor below you and wished for this night to be over.

“Well…” The deep timbre of a familiar voice spoke behind the open freezer door, “that was...different.”

“Shut up,” you moaned into the cold empty space, “I want to die. Oh my god.”

“Chanyeol was into it,” Kyungsoo teased behind the door and you pulled the freezer closed tightly around your head, aiming to block out the noise or possibly suffocate yourself to death with it.

“Oh my god...Chanyeol…”

“Jongin’s face though--”

“Oh my god...Jongin...”

“Anyway they’re starting another game. You wanna go back out there? I think there might be some members of Exo that you haven’t kissed yet.” His tone was playful but it was also dark. And you definitely sensed a bitter flavor just under the layers or his jokes.

“Kyungsoo, do me a favor,” you spoke from well inside the freezer, where you considered taking up permanent residence. You felt the contrast of the heat of his body as he leaned against your flank, having rounded the fridge to stand close to you for super secret whispers about the multitude of sins you had committed in this life.  

“Hmm-” he hummed a response against your ear. Was he crawling into the freezer with you now? Would he join you in hell’s fiery furnace?

Was he upset that you had kissed nearly all of Exo? Would he tease you about this for the rest of your lives? Would he bring this up at random moments like during an anniversary dinner in a quiet restaurant — would he laugh at you for permanently scarring Jongin? Would the best man’s speeches all mention the time you tried to hide your relationship by drunkenly smooching everyone in the room?

“Smash this freezer door against my head until I lose consciousness.”

He didn’t laugh at your attempt at assisted suicide but you felt the softness of his hands connecting to your body at the waist; slowly slipping a pathway up your sides and his fingertips brushed too far forward; brushing against both sides of the cups of your bra. What was he doing at a time like this? How could his touch be so liberal after everything that had just happened? You dropped your arms some but still refused to extract your head from the freezer.

“I would do anything for love,” he cooed into your ear; his words fighting through the hum of the freezer compressor that clicked on and worked overtime to cool the entire kitchen now for as long as you had the door opened. There was something strange brewing the slowness of his hands and in the deliberate path they took as he touched you in a way that was definitely inappropriate for this party filled with so many people.

“But I won’t do that,” just as soon as the second line was out of his lips, his hands attacked as round determined fingers hooked under your armpits and sunk in with curved and pointed digits, aiming to tickle you out of your frozen hiding spot.

It worked. You curled in, jumped, and squealed in surprise at the sudden attack and your elbows were flying as he quickly wrapped his strong arms around you, pinning your arms to your sides and embracing you into a tight back-hug in the process.

It was shocking. It was very, very close contact and while there were no other party-goers in this kitchenette right now, this wasn’t exactly a private space to be playing around quite so physically with him like this. You heard his rapid and labored breathing mixed with the staccato giggles that vibrated through your back and you stopped fighting for retaliation as soon as his arms encircled you.

The surprise of the embrace cooled any fiery response you had to his tickling attack and you stilled your bones long enough for his laughter to quiet and for his posture to change and shift into you as he leaned himself against your back and inhaled a breath from somewhere beside your ear.

“I can’t believe you did that,” he whispered into your ear and the warmth of his breath brought with it the lightest scent of alcohol as it passed by your nose. You turned your head toward his words, too transfixed by the closeness to push his hands down from where they held you, a band of muscles and bones and skin just below your breasts. “How many times will you have to kiss me to make up for kissing all of them?”

This felt unfair. The whispers. His hands were warm and he opened his palms over your ribs as the edge of his thumb ran lightly over the bottom band of your bra.

What was the alternative? You fess up and lose your job and every bit of respect you had earned in this industry. Behind you, where he leaned against, you felt the concentrated warmth that collected and pooled just behind the curve of your ass and he didn’t even try to hide it by angling his hips or shifting himself away from you.

Besides, you didn’t see him coming up with any grand schemes to clean up that mess back there. He was just as frozen and shocked that it happened as you had been.

Yes, yes. You know. It was your fault. You were the goddamn fool who kissed him in the first place, but was he really going to hold onto you in the kitchen like this? Was he really breathing that way into your ear and inhaling, too slowly and too deeply, the smell coming off your hair like that? When you felt the tip of his nose brush lightly along the nape of your neck, you were certain that a spark of electricity jumped along the molecules in between. The cells of your skin jumped and vibrated with the jolt and the residual tingle left you feeling chilled enough for goosebumps to form on your limbs. Nearly every bit of skin pulled and tightened and reacted to him and your body reacted too. Warmth spread and danger built. You had to stop this. This was unsafe. This was the kind of reckless behavior that would destroy lives.

You gave a little shove with your shoulders and his grip around you gave immediately. His arms slid down and away at a suspiciously languid pace and you took a single step away from his body heat. You did a half turn, not quite ready to commit to this and face him head-on.

You placed your palms flat on the countertop in front of you and caught his eyes that watched you without a word spoken on his parted lips. His breathing though, you could see the evidence of it, labored and heavy as his chest moved up and down and he was watching only your face. You felt on fire again, except this had nothing to do with embarrassment.

You honestly didn’t know what to do. Aside from pushing his arms away from you; from breaking the contact of his skin to yours so the electric current could no longer pass between your bodies, you were out of ideas on what your next move should be. What you were certain of, was that you were in some sort of definite and immediate danger of falling back into his arms again; if your footing wasn’t sure and careful, you might just trip and he would be the one to catch you.

You wanted to blame the alcohol, but your drinks had been well watered down all night. Kyungsoo had made sure of that. Perhaps he was drunker than he let on? Why else would he be acting this careless?

“Kyungsoo, we can’t be doing things like this here,” you exhaled through gritted teeth and laid a palm over your chest in an attempt to calm the racing heart you felt inside your chest.

“Things?” He angled his shoulders parallel to the counter as you were and lifted his hands to rest his palms flat over the countertop surface just as you did. “What things are we doing? I’m not doing anything. Is there something you are doing?” as he said it, his eyes finally left yours and he looked around the kitchen space. The sounds of the party goers around the other side of the wall grew noisier as someone laughed at something and someone else complained noisily.

It was a tactic. You knew this much from experience, yet you couldn’t just let him stand there and deny putting his hands all over you and sniffing your neck the way he was. Plus there was the other thing that you felt happening down south. The whole game he was playing made you roll your eyes and you turned to face him with your eyebrows raised and a challenge on your lips.

“Really? You weren’t doing anything?” You advanced and lifted your hands to lightly roll wandering fingertips over his chest and he took a step back with a light gasp for air. When you leaned in closer to him, close enough to feel the warmth of his face against your cheek you breathed in deeply, taking in the smell of his skin through your parted lips and you had to close your eyes as the light fragrance that he wore danced along your senses and made you lose just a little bit of the nerve you had gathered for this challenge. God, he smelled good.

Well.... this was a mistake. You felt more affected by this than vindicated and when you opened your eyes to look at his face his eyes were open and he was watching you with a darkness inside his irises that followed every little movement you made with your face. When you licked your dry lips his focus fell down to watch your mouth move and when your eyebrows trembled and shook, his eyes followed the dance they did; each time returning to look into your eyes, each time bringing even more heat to the surface of your skin than you had there before.

“You must be very drunk,” you said softly. Were you talking to him or to yourself? You didn’t feel that drunk but you were struggling with your self-control immensely. You wanted to be able to blame it on something outside of yourself. You could at least pretend.

“I’m not drunk at all,” he said softly, “but I’m having a very hard time keeping my hands off of you right now.”

Another loud sound erupted from the other side of the kitchen wall where the group was and you turned your head to look behind you. It was laughter again and you knew it was only a matter of time before someone had a reason to come into this kitchen for something. You knew it was only a matter of time. How long had you both been in here? Ten, fifteen minutes at most?

Long enough, that was for damn sure.  

The coast was clear. The noise was just laughter and something sounded like it fell in the other room but you couldn’t see any signs of anyone coming. This was bad ideas all around. You had to either leave this party or return to it, but whatever you did it had to be away from Kyungsoo because the temptation was too great for you to resist without causing yourself some sort of bodily harm. You’d made up your mind, steeled your resolve and turned around to face him again.

Only this time, you were even less prepared than he had been when you felt the warmth and the wetness of his mouth cover over your lips. You were a marble statue; frozen in time in vivid detail, even the waves of your skirt carved into stone by expert hands and you began to melt when his lips moved and he inhaled a breath of air from inside your parted lips.

More than alcohol, you tasted him; the softness of his lips molded into yours and the hard outline of his teeth sank into your bottom lip and pulled, coaxing you, begging you to come into him, making your once lucid mind go soft and blurry until an outside sound caught your ear and made you close up your mouth, step away from his lips and his demanding traveling hands and that sound -- shit, who? -- that sound made your eyes pop open and you spun like a top. A guilty caught red-handed top of shame and sin and humiliation.

“Haven’t you caused enough trouble tonight? Seriously...” The words were spoken through a harsh hushed whisper and there it was again, the burning in your skin that seemed to be your general trend tonight.

“Baek--” Kyungsoo exhaled and lifted a hand to wipe wetness from his lips.

“And Sehun?” Baekhyun’s face was pink and his eyes were hard with anger. He had his index finger lifted and he pointed it toward where you stood trying in vain to blend into the pattern of the hotel kitchen wallpaper. “Who’s going to tell Sehun about this snake?”

It took you only seconds of his hard glaring eyes to realize he was speaking only about you with his unrestrained anger.

“Just how many of my friends are you fucking around with?” His anger was surprising and you flinched when he slammed an empty glass down on the countertop nearly hard enough to crack the glass.

“Byun Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo’s harsh voice called out as a stern warning and your view of Baekhyun’s scowl was blocked by the black of Kyungsoo’s hair as he stepped in front of you.

“Speak to her that way again and I’ll knock your teeth down your throat,” he growled at the drunker, angrier man standing in front of him in this tiny kitchen. You had to crane your head to see around Kyungsoo’s head and when he caught your movement from the corner of his eye he shifted to block you further with an extended arm.

“You and I need to have a talk.” When Kyungsoo moved again it was Baekhyun’s turn to flinch and you caught the surprised whimper as Baekhyun was dragged by the arm rather roughly from the kitchen to the bathroom that sat just off the entryway to the living area and heads turned in curiosity to see the two men shove through the doorway together and close the door behind with a click.

You wrung your hands together, surprised to find them shaking. That look in Baekhyun’s eyes had held so much anger, so much disdain at the mere sight of you, what in the world had been on his mind to find you in this situation with Kyungsoo. How could he have jumped to so many conclusions about your character with so little information to go on. He obviously had very little to work with. He knew about Montserrat. He knew you and Kyungsoo had hooked up then, but nothing beyond that? Every single time you had visited Korea to see him, Kyungsoo had kept you at his home alone. You didn’t socialize with any of his friends. You didn’t meet anyone outside of Sunny, the dog walker. Hell, you hardly even saw the natural sunlight when you were there. The man had kept you sealed inside a tomb of secrets. Even meals were delivered; left outside the door with payment made through bank transfer as if a delivery man catching glimpse of your face would be the end of his entire world.

No wonder Baekhyun had been in the dark. Baekhyun must have thought horrible things about you; sleeping around with whichever high profile idol you could sink your teeth into; accepting favors from the youngest, most impressionable member of the group. The job promotion, the little treats and the gifts he gave you. You had been taking Sehun’s heart for a joy ride as you still, what? Used Kyungsoo for sex whenever you felt like it?

Baekhyun had no idea about the months of dating. Baekhyun didn’t know about the love. Baekhyun didn't know how he broke your heart. He didn't know how fragile you felt inside when you thought about the possibility of letting Kyungsoo back inside, where the vacuum created by his absence had pulled and pulled at the edges of your soul until the walls were so worn away, so thin that only a small gust of wind was all it would take to cave you in completely.

Baekhyun didn’t know shit.

You wished you could be inside that bathroom right now and hear the excuses from Kyungsoo’s lips.

You’d made it three steps toward the door, your curiosity building when the shaking in your hands had finally settled down and you wondered how much you would be able to overhear with your ear pressed up to the door when you heard your name from the opposite direction of the bathroom.

Sehun called you. Sehun’s face was pink and bright and he wore a nervous smile on his lips and he held a half-finished drink in his hands.

You’d long given up on your drink. You had no prop to hold in front of you for security. All you had was that nagging feeling in your mind and the dryness in your throat that you cleared away with a look down from his eyes that searched yours.

“Uhh--” Sehun scratched the back of his neck and set his drink down on the kitchen counter. You wish he’d keep holding it. Sehun reached for your hand and you felt your own pulse quicken when he did it. It was something he did often, yet the ghost of Kyungsoo’s hands still left their impressions on your skin and you wanted to pull your hand out of Sehun’s warm grip.

“Did you need something, Sehun?” You compromised with a single squeeze of your hand against his before releasing and you pulled your own hand out of his. A half-empty plastic water bottle that sat abandoned on the countertop was your excuse and you grabbed it, claiming it as your own and using that as your excuse.

“I was just, umm--” Sehun was fidgety. His hands wrung themselves together in front of his waist and he had a shift in his stance that couldn't seem to make up its mind as he rocked on his heels in front of you and didn’t actually continue speaking. Instead, he ran his hands through his hair and rubbed over the back of his neck again with a restless hand as he made a face that wrinkled his nose and furrowed his eyebrows over his eyes that closed up tight for a second.

A feeling was dawning. This was…

Sehun was nervous to speak with you and you could feel something coming. It felt like the moment of stillness in between; when the winds simply stopped and every speck of dust in the air drifted and settled to the ground right before they started back up in a new direction.

“I just wanted to know if you had a moment, I wanted to talk to you,” Sehun finally whispered and his fingertips had found the hem of your top. As he spoke, he kicked the toe of his foot lightly on the floor underneath himself and kept his eyes down on his fingers that rolled the fabric of your shirt between his thumb and index finger. “I have something I think I have to tell you.”

The dawning feeling grew into something greater and you received enough of it to identify and name it. This was dread. You watched the flood of pink in his cheeks as the dread flooded your mind and you physically shook your head in an attempt to dissipate it. It didn’t budge.

“Sehun, you don't...have to--” You must have just been terrible at this. There were no words coming that could help and Sehun took a step closer. You took one back and a wall was there.

“I think I’m in love with you.”

Oh no. Not now.

You felt blackness then. Just cool, cold blackness that shadowed over your thoughts and your mind and -- and, no. No, Sehun. No, you can’t. You mustn’t.

The blackness in your mind had taken your words, what little you had left, and tossed them into the ocean. He’d finally looked up from his fingers and stilled the kicking of his foot and he looked into your expression which must have looked frozen in disbelief.

“No.” You whispered though it was under your breath. He was close enough to you to hear it and there was another tug at the fabric of your shirt. “You don’t,” you added -- whether it was just your own denial, or if you were trying to convince him of this, you weren’t sure, but your response made him inhale a breath and lift his head for a look around the room with no actual focus.

Your eyes traveled as well and you caught the curious glance of a few of his group members in your direction. Chanyeol met your eyes for a second and quickly let go. Junmyeon looked twice and took a sip of his drink for something to do. Were they all watching this? Did they put him up to it? Had they fed him the drinks and the courage to do it?

“Not think,” he said again, a little bit louder than he had spoken before, “I don't think it. I’m sure I’m in love with you.”

His certainty made you scoff the smallest laugh. There was no humor in it, but it escaped from your body and puffed out through your nose and you still shook your head back and forth.

“No, Sehun.” There was a frown on your lips as you said it and the frown was a reflection of the sudden and overwhelming sadness you felt inside your chest. You couldn’t help that, you felt sad. “You can’t.”

You reached for his hand, at last, pulling it off of the hem of your shirt and he looked into your eyes with his own dark brown ones that looked to be so full of determination and questions.

“Can’t I?” The question peppered out of his lips in a swift burst and his mouth hung open after the words were out and there was no trace of humor or amusement on his face. “Why can’t I?”

The questions were rhetorical. His eyes were watching you closely when you dropped his hand and he let it hang to his side.

“Why can’t I? Y-You don’t like me?” This question was much smaller and you saw the blue tint of hurt reflected in the brown irises of his eyes. “I thought -- I mean, we already get along so well, and maybe you could give me a chance?”

You’d never had trouble talking to Sehun before. The conversation flowed freely and easily like you had known him your entire life and had been friends for as long as you could remember. But this, telling him this -- this monumental secret of yours that wasn’t just your secret to keep but also Kyungsoo’s secret. Yet the pain in his eyes as he doubted his self-worth as if he wasn’t the most amazing, sweetest, kindest human being that you’d ever known in your life. You couldn't stand it. You couldn't let him think that he was somehow not enough for you. You needed something. You had to speak.

“Sehun, I’m in love with someone else.

“And that’s not going to change. It’s not fair to you. You can’t love me because I can’t return your feelings.”

He took only a moment to absorb this. And like a sponge, he soaked in your words and even seemed to grow just a little more from what he had learned. He lifted and he straightened when he spoke.

“Well, who is it?” His posture had shifted with this new information and he narrowed his eyes in your direction. You still recognized that look of determination on his face and you wished he would turn that down just a little bit here, this wasn’t a new choreography he was trying to master or a fast rap he was learning, this was your life. You weren’t something that was so easily figured out no matter how many hours of practice he put in.

“Does that matter?”

“Of course it matters, what if he sucks? What if he works too much or drinks too much and doesn’t appreciate you. What if he’s not good enough for you? Why haven’t you ever mentioned him to me? You’ve told me so many things, how could you be in love with a whole entire person and not have mentioned him once? Does he really exist? Are you making someone up to let me down easy? Sorry, no room in your heart for Sehunnie, it’s already filled with whoeverthefuck.”

The embarrassment of the confession seemed to have passed because Sehun was going now. His words flew easily and comfortably from his lips like they usually did when you both got to talking and you watched his face as he asked his many questions that you had absolutely no intention of answering.  There was a moment though when the focus of his eyes caught on something behind you and turned your attention to meet what he saw.

The bathroom door was open and a suspiciously quiet Baekhyun walked away from the doorway. He looked uninjured at least.

“I can’t really tell you much, Sehun. It’s...it’s a difficult situation to explain.”

Kyungsoo’s focus was moving over the faces of the people at this party and he turned toward where you stood talking with Sehun before he lowered his chin and dropped his eyes. And he was walking now, moving to where you stood without watching you. You were familiar with this sort of body movement. He was coming to you without it being obvious that you were his destination.

“Wait a minute. You didn’t get rejected did you?” This question flew over your head with your focus on Kyungsoo as it was and your silence must have made Sehun assume your response.

“What kinda goddamned idiot — now I’m worried, honey, is he—” he raised a hand to wave over his own face, “is he...you know...okay? Like does he have something wrong inside his brain or maybe he’s blind?”

Sehun’s expression looked quite serious as he asked you this ridiculous question and it brought a small chuckle of surprise from your lips.

“He has his moments, Sehun.”

“Who does?” Kyungsoo had reached Sehun’s side and looked up at the taller man who sported a deep frowning pout on his face when he saw Kyungsoo approach him.

“Hyung,” Sehun whined, “I got rejected.”

Oh god. He wasn’t about to tell him, was he? You felt a very sudden and definite need to change the subject immediately but you were too slow. Kyungsoo lifted an eyebrow and his eyes pulled in your direction, landing squarely on your face for a good five seconds before he looked back up into Sehun’s face.

“Did you?”

Sehun was nodding his head in big dramatic sweeps and you kinda wished Sehun hadn’t had as much to drink as he did because he seemed to have forgotten that you were still standing right here.

“She says she loves somebody else. Someone with really bad eyesight.”

This had Kyungsoo fighting a smile and you bit down on your lip to keep from laughing outright and Sehun looked in your direction for a moment, his eyes on you but his gaze never quite reaching deeper than a superficial glance. After a moment his focus sharpened and he inhaled a short breath. It was a gasp, a small one.

“Stop me if I’m just...drunk, but that friend of yours, the one with the ex that wasn’t...that wasn’t you was it?”

All traces of the smile you battled left your face and Sehun’s eyes widened when he noticed the change.

“Wait a minute so that means…” he extended a finger at you and held the point before dropping it to scratch lightly at his temple. There was a little head shake before he turned to Kyungsoo with a sharp inhale of breath.

“Do you know who it is? Maybe you met him at the eye doctor. She won’t tell me anything — what if he’s terrible — I have a bad feeling—”

“You drank a lot, Sehunnie,” Kyungsoo raised a hand to place over Sehun’s shoulder and began to rub slow pacifying circles over his back.

“I guess you don't know anything,” Sehun mumbled and his eyes closed for a moment as the alcohol seemed to catch up with him, “you would tell me if you knew anything. I know I can trust you, Hyung.” Kyungsoo’s hand paused its rubbing and you noticed the clench of his jaw as he looked away from Sehun’s eyes. Sehun did not notice the pink tint Kyungsoo’s ears took on. Sehun did not notice shift and the fall of Kyungsoo’s focus as he closed out the light and he did not say a single thing to Sehun that resembled any kind of real honesty about this whole mess and Sehun’s blind faith in his friend remained untested, for now.  

“Them.” Sehun came back to life suddenly and his eyes were wide as he lifted a finger to point across the room to the sofa where the other members of Exo seemed to be lost in a heated debate that involved sharply pointed fingers and some intense whining and foot stomping by Kim Jongdae as members laughed and clapped their hands. “Those jerks told me to confess and now look what happened. I was rejected and things will get weird.” Sehun turned his head to look back to where you stood behind him and you lifted your hand to rub over his back beside where Kyungsoo’s hand was rubbing.

“Nothing will get weird, Sehun. You can still come to my office anytime you want.”

“Can I come to your office anytime I want?” Kyungsoo was mumbling sarcastically and under his breath and you kicked your toe forward to hit the back of his knee, making his balance give for just a second, he stumbled and recovered in a single step and didn’t turn his head to look back to see the glare you shot in his direction.

The three of you were moving and Kyungsoo steered Sehun toward the group of men howling in laughter on the couch. As you moved closer to the group you could hear bits of their discussion and Jongdae seemed to be defending his honor vehemently. Or was he defending his dishonor?

“I am not a prude!” He stomped again and his fists banged against his thighs. He was standing in the center of the room and Minseok had a drink raised in his direction. He waited for him to take it after all the stomping was done.

“What is this? I’m not drinking this. I have to stay awake to call my girlfriend tonight.”

“Oh for the nightly bible sessions?” Chanyeol joked and Jongdae’s face whipped around in his direction.

“Don't mock my faith,” he warned and Chanyeol snickered into his hands. “We don't have bible sessions. We have a very normal, healthy, adult relationship.”

“Ahhhh -- I don't want to hear this,” Minseok said noisily and he pushed Jongdae’s hand up toward his mouth. Jongdae listened and took a sip of the drink Minseok had given him. He swallowed and winced as it went down and then looked back at a laughing Minseok with wide scandalized eyes.

“How much did you put? Is this all booze?”

Minseok was laughing too hard to answer but nodded his head and held on to his belly as he fell back into the seat he occupied, too drunk and too amused to respond with words.  

Jongdae huffed and set the glass down on the coffee table in the center of the room, clearly in protest of something.

“I won’t drink it. I can’t be the biggest prude in the room. Kyungsoo is standing right there he hasn’t even gotten to talk.”

“Sehun either,” Minseok piped up and you were a bit lost about what exactly this new game’s rules were now that you had actually stepped into the room.

You noticed the party was now completely comprised of the members of Exo with the addition of yourself now that most of the staff and managers had called it a night.

“What’s happening right now?” You leaned your head down to Jongin who was sitting in an armchair closest to you and he flinched hard and leaned away from you on instinct. He must have not seen you there and you nodded your head with an innocent smile to let him know you came in peace this time and not for his lips.

“Ahh, we’re talking about who is the least experienced… sexually. It’s Jongdae because he’s waiting for marriage, but he doesn’t want to admit it. So now there’s a punishment just because he’s being stubborn. Ummm--” Jongin was looking around the room now as he squinted at each member’s face, recalling their stories from earlier.

“--Baekhyun says he’s done it in a game arcade, but the arcade was closed to the public so it doesn’t really count and it was just a blow job so that’s kinda...you know...easy.”

“Like an arcade for kids, Baekhyun?” Sehun sat forward and looked judgingly at Baekhyun with his question and Baekhyun lifted his hand to count out on his fingers.

“Okay, like I said. The arcade was closed...so no kids. And two, it was just a blowjob and she swallowed … so no mess.”

The group of men groaned out loud with this new addition of way too much information and even you found yourself reaching for a freshly poured drink from the coffee table to hide the grimace on your face.

“And Chanyeol has a list of hotels. Just a bunch of hotels. He knows the dates and the names of the hotels and probably even the room numbers, so we all know he’s legit. Still...not very exciting,” Jongin said; his finger lifted to point at the next in line of the group.

“Umm, Me. I’ve done it in the dorm. Most of us have, for obvious reasons. Junmyeon too -- dorm.”

“Yixing isn’t around much but he’s not exactly quiet when he is, so...dorm,” Minseok was speaking again from the sofa, “I mean, it’s you, Jongdae.”

“What about Minseok?” You asked, suddenly curious as to why he was not in the list of possible suspects.

He heard his name and he turned to look in your direction.

“The kitchen pantry at my parent’s house during a dinner party. Party guests, my entire family, and some members were present.”

Someone was coughing in the room. Minseok spoke his piece with such a calm expression on his face that you found yourself gasping and staring at the audacity of the quiet man sitting across the room stating such facts without a bother in the world about it. Someone had choked on their drink and was trying hard to get the liquid out with bits of words thrown in between the hard hacks.

“Wait--Wait,” Sehun held his hand to his chest and sat up straighter to try and recover from swallowing his drink the wrong way. “The dinner party I attended? The one where you punched that guy in the face?”

Minseok did not answer with words but lifted his drink into the air with a single lift of a perfectly sculpted eyebrow and a tiny smile on his lips. He then took a sip of his drink and turned his focus on the two newest additions to the conversation.

“So...Sehun and Kyungsoo. Wildest places you’ve had sex. Otherwise, Jongdae drinks it.”

“Mine’s dorm too,” Sehun said with a glazed look over his eyes, “but, I mean, I guess I haven’t gotten my story yet, right? I wonder when I’ll get my own.” He looked straight ahead, still in that daze and you didn’t quite understand what he meant by his little question to himself.

He sounded drunker than he did before but most of the room was in a similar state by now.

All eyes turned to Kyungsoo who sat on the arm of the sofa beside Sehun, sporting a relaxed posture with his arms over his chest and an unbothered expression on his face.

“Kyungsoo?” Minseok called his name and Kyungsoo’s eyes sharpened on the older man who sat across the living room, clearly waiting for his answer.

“Look, he’s gone quiet,” Jongdae said quickly and you could hear the hope in his voice.

“He’s got nothing...maybe less than nothing. I’ve at least done some things...but Kyungsoo --” Jongdae’s wishful rambling was interrupted when Kyungsoo opened his mouth to speak.

“Movie theatre,” Kyungsoo said. You couldn't stop the reaction your body had to the words he spoke and the memories of that night with him flooded through your mind the second he said it. You felt hot all over. You felt cold too. It was a strange and simultaneously unexplainable contrast of feelings. You lifted your hands to cover tightly over your own closed eyes and you wished you could close out the world for the night. The inhale of air he took told you that he wasn’t done talking and you kept your hands over your eyes to keep the world dark for a little while longer. “Uhh...open for business, during a regular showing of a movie. Empty house, but...uhh...a public place.”

“What the fuck,” Jongdae cursed out loud and the room grew light again when you uncovered your face. Mouths were open and eyes were glued to the man who had finally stopped talking, thank God. Kyungsoo was staring ahead of himself, not looking at anyone specifically and you, like the others, watched his face in shocked silence.

His face was passive and he was motionless until you saw his eyes move and he looked up and to the left, to where you sat, staring at him in disbelief. Kyungsoo looked into your eyes and he securely held the eye contact with you. You felt like someone had lit an enormous fire inside of this hotel room and that fire had swallowed up all of the oxygen. You could not seem to make yourself breathe with him looking at you like that and the longer it went on the dizzier you felt.

After a spell, someone slowly clapped their hands. It was Chanyeol. He gave a small round of applause and their faces were changing as they shook their heads and celebrated this ridiculous game that didn’t even have any damn rules to it.

Jongdae was reaching for the drink on the table and he downed half of it with a loud cough and gagging sounds before inhaling again to down the rest of it.

“It’s always the quiet ones,” he mumbled between drinks and the interest in the game vanished with the last swallows of the alcohol in Jongdae’s glass.

You watched the drunken men grouping off and many of them hovered around a whining Sehun who complained about you rejecting him. You thought it probably wasn’t very polite for you to be standing right beside him when he did it, so you got up and wandered out onto the balcony of the suite which was accessible through the bedroom.

Much to your astonishment, you were quickly joined by a single member who you hadn’t at all expected to be the one to follow you out.

“Hey, uh...could we talk for a moment?”

You spun in place to face him and you could see that he had closed the sliding glass door behind him when he came out. He didn’t make any moves to where you stood though and even lifted his hands in place with a small yet sheepish wince on his face.

“I think I owe you an apology,” Baekhyun began with a steady and level voice and you gripped the balcony railing with both of your hands as you looked out over the night lights of the city. There was quite a bit of sincerity you could hear on Baekhyun’s voice and you were finding it hard to keep up the eye contact as he spoke to you. “I misjudged you. I jumped to conclusions about you that were uneducated and unfair and I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.”

It was odd. The wind was blowing and it was cold on your skin and you had to wrap your arms over your stomach to keep from shivering and it was odd -- this man, apologizing to you with such a clear and level tone; such carefully selected words, they held so much power and you found yourself feeling the chill of that wind just a little less with each new word from his lips.

“I didn’t know...that he...that he broke your heart, like that. I didn't know any of it,” he said in a whisper and you bit down lightly on the inside of your cheek when you looked into his eyes. “I hope things work out,” he added with a small smile on his face and a puff of a tiny laugh. He lifted his fist into the air, giving a little shake as a salute of his positive wishes for you.

“Alone...or together with Kyungsoo… whatever you decide to do -- I hope things work out for you.”

“Thank you, Baekhyun.” The sincerity in your words was a reflection of the warmth you felt inside your chest and you saw his smile widen when yours did. It was amazing really, how quickly this person seemed to change in front of your eyes and suddenly you felt that much lighter. Baekhyun knew the truth. Baekhyun believed in you. He might even be on your side every now and again. Kyungsoo had told him everything and suddenly, and remarkably, the air inside your lungs felt lighter. The breeze that chilled you before, refreshed you now and you inhaled deeper as your smile widened.

“Or even, Sehun,” Baekhyun said suddenly and you could hear the laughter on his voice. “I mean, he’s just got the most ridiculous crush on you, you know I had to mute your name in the group chat because he just--” His eyes widened and he lifted a hand into the air, making a blabbering mouth with his fingers to mimic the way Sehun must have gone on and on about you to his members.

You laughed and shook your head. “I’ll have to talk to Sehun,” you said with a little bit of that sadness from before surging through your heart at the thought of coming clean to one of the greatest and most genuine friends you had ever had the pleasure of knowing. You hoped and wished that his faith in you wouldn’t be destroyed. You prayed that the hurt of concealing this from him would not run too deep into his beautiful heart.

Baekhyun’s phone was ringing somewhere inside his pocket and his smile vanished as he searched his pants for it. When he found the phone you watched the smile reappear and multiply and reach his eyes as he quickly swiped and put the phone up to his ear.

“Baby!” he shouted -- actually shouted into his phone and you jumped at the volume of his excitement. “Oh, sorry, sorry,” he immediately whispered when the response of the caller must have chastised his noisiness.

“Ohhh, is she asleep?” he asked, his voice much quieter now. “I didn’t wake her did I?-- Oh good. Can we switch to video? I want to see her.”

Baekhyun pulled the phone away from his ear and his eyes were glued to his screen with the most genuine look of pure elation you had ever seen on his face. After a second you saw him reach up to cover his parted lips with the palm of his hand and his eyes sparkled as they reflected the light of his phone screen.

“I can’t believe this. She’s so beautiful, I love you so much. I can’t believe we have a baby now. You know, I actually think she looks like me.”

A...baby? A what? The reflection of the phone made the wetness in his eyes shine and as if he suddenly seemed to notice you standing there beside him, he jumped when his eyes found yours, but his smile did not falter or shrink any. The happiness you saw on his face was meant to be shared.

“Look,” he breathed out through his parted lips and turned the phone around for you to see the screen. “Baby, this is my friend. She’s the Exo translator I told you about, actually...no I told you some bad things, but she’s cool now. I just didn’t know the whole story. It was Kyungsoo’s fault, don't hold it against her.”

On the phone screen, you saw the smiling face of a woman who held something small, cradled in her lap. Something small and something furry. It was a baby, but not the human kind. She was running her fingers lightly through the hair of a sleeping puppy who kicked and twitched as she dreamed and you waved a little hello to the woman who, if you really looked closely, bore a striking resemblance to yourself. Perhaps you were just imagining that.

It was a bit awkward meeting someone for the first time over a grainy cell phone video call so you gave your genuine support and congratulations on the couple adopting a brand new puppy to raise together and wished everyone the very best. Baekhyun gave a quick handwave to you as you left him to his phone call with his girls and you returned to find a way to get back to your hotel room for the night without attracting too much attention for yourself.

Your arrival back into the party did not go entirely unnoticed. A single pair of brown eyes caught ahold of yours the moment you stepped foot through the bedroom doorway and they did not let go of you even when you kept walking past where he sat on the arm of the sofa with his hands fisted together in his lap over his extended legs with ankles crossed. Someone behind him was playing music on a phone and a few munched on snacks set out on the tables.

You remembered the busy day and how you skipped lunch for work. Remembered how you made it back to your room only to be called away again as soon as your shoes were off and all at once the thought of leaving this place without having grabbed a bit of any of the food that had been ordered for the afterparty made you feeling just a bit empty.

Displayed out on the dining table was a spread of little sandwiches. Adorable triangles with colorful fillings and trays of assorted fruit too. Your hotel room could wait. You were hungry and the food was only half consumed by so late at night. You were sure it would only be thrown out if you didn’t have a bit.

You grabbed a plate and looked closely at the sandwich triangles, wondering what that bright pink stuff might be and whether or not you would be judged for disassembling it if you didn't like it. The fruit was safe. It was easy to load up onto your plate and you grabbed a single sandwich to at least smell closely.

While you busied yourself, you could feel it. The eyes of someone watching you. You knew if you looked up you would only become even more aware of it, yet the pull was so strong you could hardly even take spooning bits of melons and strawberries onto your plate without spilling any of them.

The feeling nagged and annoyed and you had to, you just had to give in. when you looked up, your suspicions were rewarded and justified in an instant when you found Kyungsoo watching you closely from his stubborn spot in the living room.

It appeared that he was waiting for you to look up because the moment you did you saw his hands move. He lifted a palm and rubbed it over his own belly and he frowned his lips dramatically for effect. Then he lifted both of his hands together and lifted his shoulders. It was a plea. Feed me too, please, I’m so hungry, boohoo…

It was so adorable, you wanted to spit in disbelief but you just rolled your eyes instead. And still, you turned back to the food and loaded up more sandwiches and fruit. Plenty to share.

You had failed to bring a second fork and your oversight was obvious the second you sat down and speared a strawberry. You felt the warmth of a human body that sat down beside you; resting his arm over your arm and he leaned in close to you with a casual parting of his own lips. And he waited.

“Are you serious right now?” you mumbled as you eyed the fruit on your fork. He did not move except for the twitch in his bottom lip that told you that yes, he was serious and he wanted that strawberry.

“This one is mine though. Look at how red it is. It’s the sweetest one I just know it.”

“You don't want to give me the sweetest one?” he asked softly with a definite pout on his lips and you looked from his face back toward the bright red berry that had tempted you so. The power in his pout was immeasurable. All you could do was shrug and sigh in disappointment and you leaned the fork toward his face. He could have it. There would be other strawberries.

Kyungsoo opened his mouth and the fork went inside and you watched as he used his teeth to bite into the big strawberry, carefully leaving a good solid half of it on the fork. He was chewing now and you felt his hand around your own as he pushed it back to you.

“You’re right, it’s very sweet,” he said and you looked around the room for witnesses to this. Minseok and Jongdae were singing a song. Baekhyun was gone; still outside on the phone probably. Sehun was asleep on Chanyeol’s shoulder and Chanyeol was texting on his phone. Jongin and Junmyeon were both gone as well and you could hear the sounds of a video game in the bedroom.

You popped the fruit end of the fork in your mouth and enjoyed the sweetness of the moment that you had shared with him. The rest of the meal was shared in silence.

But it was a silence that had a bit of heft to it. You found yourself drawn to him whenever he moved. When he bit down or when he chewed you watched his lips move, his jaw move on the side of his face or you would catch the moments when his tongue would dart out and lick his lips. He seemed to be eating slowly. As if he were somehow aware of your weird fixation on watching him eat and he was drawing it out for you. You had to be crazy. Maybe you were. The thought brought a tiny laugh to your lips and you covered it with a little cough.

He glanced at you when you did it and you quickly swallowed down the sandwich you had just taken a bite of with as innocent of a look on your face as you could manage.

The calm exterior was difficult to maintain when he lifted his thumb to brush over your lip, pulling away some bit of filling from the sandwich you had just bitten into and you held your breath when he stuck his thumb inside his own mouth to clean away the mess with his soft lips and his wet tongue and not a trace of a bashful blush or a nervous smile on that pretty face.

You couldn't even taste anything anymore. You ate just to fill your hungry belly and when you felt the first signs of fullness you pushed the plate away, giving him full access to finish every bit of food he wanted and you were standing up from that spot in your own little fire pit of hell in favor of the much safer kitchen for a fresh bottle of water to quench your thirst.

Kyungsoo followed you into the kitchen and you could see the abandoned plate of food left behind on the countertop as he passed you by. He hadn’t touched any more than you did after you left and you watched from the corner of your eye as he opened the fridge for a bottle of water; the same as you had done.

While you tried your best to avoid his eyes as you sipped, Kyungsoo was the opposite; and so very brazen about it. He uncapped the bottle and tossed it away to clatter along the granite surface. He lifted the bottle to his lips and pulled the liquid inside his mouth. His adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed and all the while he watched you. All the while you burned on the inside and the water you drank didn’t touch it one bit. You tried, you really did. But it was impossible to keep your eyes off of him.

“Are you ready to leave yet? I could walk you to your room.” He had come closer, just enough for the low whisper to reach your ears. You felt your cheeks burning and you wondered how much of a mess you looked. You certainly felt a bit of a mess when you paid close attention to the reaction your body was having to his closeness. Closing your eyes didn’t help it. The deep inhale of air you took into your lungs didn’t help it either.

“What’s that face for?” He was looking at you too closely and must have noticed something about your shakey self-control. “I’m going to my room, and you are going to your room. We’re just going to our separate rooms, right?”  

Sure. Right. That’s exactly what was happening right now. Just a couple of people heading to their hotel rooms for an uneventful night of sleep and deep relaxation and not a bit of sexual tension or longing looks or tempting inner doors with locks on them that could be opened with the easiest of flicks of the wrist. Hell, you were positive his lock wouldn't be locked at all. The door was probably still wide the fuck open and all you had to do was open your door and suddenly those separate hotel rooms weren't so separate and how on earth would you survive this?

Did you want to?

Ugh. Fuck.

Fuck it.

Just fuck it.

Fine, if he wanted to go to sleep then you would go to sleep too.

Let’s all go the hell to sleep.

“Yeah, sure. Let’s go.” you forced a casual tone to your lips and took several large steps from the kitchen, around the long counter and the wall that had given the illusion of privacy so many times tonight and you shouted out a quick goodbye to the three conscious people who were still around. They gave little waves and Minseok bowed his head at your departure. Kyungsoo grabbed the overcoat he had arrived with and slipped a face mask over his ears and hardly a goodbye to the group members who were really just like family to him by now.

“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol shouted as he made his way through the suite, “don't forget we’re doing the aquarium tomorrow. You said you wanted to come too,” he prodded and you heard a quiet agreement from behind you and you were gone. Your feet carried you swiftly down the hallway, away from that door, away from the group of people you had been working very closely and very stressfully beside for many days and you settled into a pace that had no effect on the mood that coursed through your body.

Kyungsoo fell behind; following the same hallways and pathways as you did and even stepping into the open elevator beside you when you waited with the button pressed to hold the doors and his eyes stuck to you like super-glue, watching you silently and refusing to drop even when you failed to keep up the intense level of eye-contact that he did.

In front of your room, you found your door key and placed it into the lock of your door. Kyungsoo had his inside his hand and did the same and you watched your lock turn green at the same time as his did.

“Goodnight Kyungsoo,” you said with your hand on the door handle. You’d already pushed the door open and stuck a foot into the space but something inside of you still lingered back. His lips pulled into the smallest grin with your farewell greeting and he did not say anything. He hadn’t even pushed his door open yet and you wondered if he would have to unlock it again.

“Will you be going right to sleep?” You weren’t quite sure what the point of this little talk was, but there was a war happening inside of you and your sense of propriety and decency was fighting the lust and desire that had been having its way with you since the kiss in the kitchen.

He didn’t answer with words but slowly, he shook his head back and forth and the smallest puff of air left his chest through his nose. It was the sound of mild amusement at the ruse you put up.

“No, baby, I’ll be up,” he finally said and you could hear the lock of his room engage again with a click.

“Oh.” Was all you could say. So many functions of your brain had stopped working.

“You let me know if you need me.” He added and he’d already pulled the key out again to unlock his door, pushed on the handle and was through the door without another word spoken to you out in the exposed openness of that hallway.

You pushed through your own room door and stood in the dark silence that awaited you on the other side of the click of your lock.

You were aflame. Your skin burned and prickled and you couldn't shake it with any of the self-calming exercises you tried while standing in the dark in your hotel room with the biggest temptation hidden somewhere deep inside your room and hardly any reasons at all to even attempt to resist it.

Was he waiting for you to open your door?

Despite the damage to your own sanity, you kept up the facade and you turned on your lights and puttered around your room getting ready for bed. A quick shower and teeth brushing. Changing into your comfiest oversized sleep shirt and even taking the care to follow your simple skin care routine and you found yourself sitting on the edge of your bed with your eyes glued to the closed door.

That closed door.

It had a voice of its own and it had been calling to you for the entirety of your nighttime routine.

You recognized the seriousness of your next move tonight. You understood what opening that door would mean.

And you sat with your spine straight and every one of your fears and apprehensions laid bare in front of you on the floor below your feet. You deliberated and chewed over them and they laid there rather lifeless and flat and after a half hour of genuine consideration, you began to bargain and compromise with yourself.

He loved you.

You loved him.

The fear of reliving that pain had once been the strongest and deepest wound and now…

He loved you and you loved him.

The fear was cracking around the edges. It had been for a while now but you avoided looking at it head-on for fear of its sharp talons scraping against you again.

But now that you sat down and considered it, it seemed to have lost a lot of its bark. That pain that had been so all-consuming hadn’t killed you. On the contrary, it seemed to have made you stronger. You learned to stand up for yourself a bit. You didn’t just take it when people called you bad names or said things about you and you never once had to go it alone. You had friends who you loved and who were on your side.

Maybe being scared to love again was something worth overcoming. Maybe you deserved to feel loved and to give your love to the person who you wanted.

Your empty bed had a force of its own and it practically repelled you from it. The pull to that door was stronger than anything you had ever attempted to resist in your entire life and your legs pushed you up and forward without hardly any effort at all to move your body.

Your hands found the door handle and your fingers flipped the lock. The sound was noisy and felt like a warning called out to the heavens that you had lost this battle. You had given in to the pull of his heart against yours.

It took you another moment of deep breathing to steady yourself enough to turn the handle and when you pulled the door open you recognized the look of the black hollow that existed on the other side of your door when there was no other door closed; there was only the open invitation to his room. There was only the blind acceptance of whatever you chose to do and he hadn’t even knocked or texted you to coax or convince you to move in his direction. He merely left his door wide open and waited for you to come to him when you were ready.

You pulled your door open and your eyes took a second to focus on what you saw on the other side; in his room. It was not completely dark. The bathroom light was on and the door left ajar. There was just enough light for you to catch his movements. He was seated in a chair and it faced the door you had just pulled open.

And when you did it, when you pulled the door open you saw him pull his head up from where it had rested somewhere within his hands. He had been hunched over himself as he waited. Wishing, or praying, or merely testing every ounce of patience the man had inside of himself; you had no way of knowing, but he sat up and looked at you when you pulled that door open and then he was standing.

He hadn’t said a word, but his legs moved his frame and he closed the distance between your bodies. He took the steps and he reached for you with his hands. You felt the warmth of those strong arms when he wrapped them around your shoulders and he pulled you into his chest with a firmness and a desperation that mirrored the feeling that was surging through your entire body.

“Do you mean it?” He said against your ear and your hands cling tightly that to the fabric of his shirt. He pulled against you, lifting your face with his hands on either side of your cheeks and his eyes searched yours for your answer.

“I need...I need you to mean this. If you don’t mean it then turn back around and close your door.”

Your body felt out of your control and you watched his lips as he spoke. He held onto you so tightly and you felt like without the strength of his body you might just collapse on the ground.

“Baby, tell me you mean this. I’ll be okay if you don’t. It’s okay, I can wait for you — please say something. I need you to mean it.”

“Kyungsoo,” you found his name with your tongue and it tasted sweeter than any silly fruit you had ever tasted and his eyes dropped to your lips when you spoke. He was breathing hard through his lips and you could see the shaky resolve he held himself back with. It was cracked and broken and yet it still held.

“Soo,” your words were sticky and he was too close to you to make out his features clearly. His dark eyebrows, the flush of his cheeks and the darkness of his eyes, “Kyungsoo, I love you.”

The temptation he faced had been so great; you felt the softness of his lips, the lightest brush of them against your bottom lip when you said it and you gripped his shirt tight enough to rip the fabric if he dared to leave your arms right now.

“Tell me you mean this,” he breathed against the wetness he left behind with his lips on your mouth and you breathed in for the air to say it.

“I mean it.” And his mouth was on yours. The grip around your shoulders slipped and fell to your waist and tightened and he slipped a hand below your hips to pull your legs up and around him. His legs were moving and you were moving backward through the doorway that joined your two worlds and he carried you through the space until the softness of your mattress; the plush hotel bedding and pillows met your back and his mouth did not leave yours as he merely breathed the air he needed for his own life straight from your lungs.

Kyungsoo kissed you deeply and completely. Your reality had shifted from the upright you once knew and you fought between wanting to keep your eyes open to look at him and needing to close your eyes to feel him.

He moved over you and fingertips were pulling off layers of clothing until the heat from his skin sent electric currents directly into your own skin and he was everywhere at once. He touched you greedily; his soft fingertips not stopping in the same spot for longer than a few seconds he felt like a surveyor desperate to chart every square inch of your skin and his lips, the plush gentle kisses that peppered over your neck; pressing harder below the curve of your earlobe and the wet warmth of his tongue that sought out bits of goosebump covered skin to taste.

You felt too out of control; too affected by his every touch. Your whines and whimpers were the only sound in this entire room. In both rooms, the echo of the sounds that you couldn’t stop from escaping your lips bounced back to your own ears, an echo of yourself, reminding you again and again how good it felt to have him touching you like this.

His tasting journey over the expanse of your skin brought him southward and your hazy memory of Kyungsoo’s love habit was jolted awake when his teeth sunk hard into the soft flesh of your inner thigh. You gasped out loud and his teeth gave way to his mouth that sucked just as hard as he had bitten, leaving behind what you were certain would be a deep purple bruise that would stay on you for days.  

The sting of the bite lingered and you had hardly a second to catch your breath when you felt the push of his hands against your knees, coaxing you to open your legs for him. You’d been bitten once and had closed on instinct, yet the strength in those hands was convincing and you heard a soft hum of approval from his chest that reached your ears when you finally opened. The sound pulled your eyes open; you had to look at him.

And his eyes, they feasted just as his mouth and his tongue had. He was looking at you with lazy blinks of his eyelids as his fingertips brushed lightly over the surface of your skin, he was touching, he was watching the way you reacted to his touches and when you squirmed below his touches, the corners of his lips pulled into a satisfied grin. It was maddening. He was only touching, he was being slow and patient as he did it and each sweep of his hand up your thigh brought his fingertips closer to the spot between your legs where the warmth had pooled and begged for something -- anything, why was he only looking, why would he tease so much when you already felt like you were on fire?

Couldn’t he just fuck you already and play with you later? You whined and you reached down to him with your fingertips, you found his short hair and your eyes met his dark ones and he watched you squirm with that same smirk on his face.

“What do you want me to do?” He said in a low voice that made your skin pucker and you groaned at this part. You always did. He wanted you to tell him what you wanted. He wanted to pull the words from your reluctant lips and you wanted him to just get on with it, but with the way he was watching you, with the way his fingertips left off just millimeters away from your most sensitive parts, you knew he was waiting for your words.

You knew it had to be torture for him. You could see and you could feel against your leg when he moved, the stiffness of his erection and with the way the tip reflected the bit of light coming from your bathroom, you knew he had only a few moments to last once he got inside of you. The build-up had already been too much.

“Please, Kyungsoo.”

This wouldn't do. It wasn’t enough for him, yet his eyes dropped from yours and slid down the length of you, past your heaving chest, your stomach, the space below your belly button where the unbearable warmth began and lower -- he looked between your parted legs and you saw him move lower -- seconds before you felt the tip of his nose bump against the mound of flesh and he pulled in a deep breath as he slipped the tip of his tongue out once, just once, to bump against your clit.

You opened your legs wider and you angled your hips down and he exhaled a hot breath from within his lungs - it flooded over the wetness between your legs and warmed you. Like he fogged up a window with his breath, he exhaled, again and again, refusing to go any deeper with his tongue no matter how much you writhed below him.

“Say it,” he whispered between your legs and you closed your eyes and opened your lips, too desperate now to hold back.

“Taste me, Kyungsoo. Eat me -- make me cum with your mouth,” your bravery was rewarded quickly but not before you pulled your eyelids open to see the satisfied smile on his face.

“Good,” he breathed out, and the tip of his tongue was slipping between your folds, “girl,” he said between the licks. “You are such a good girl.” he praised you quickly before his mouth opened up and you felt him lick the length of you, lapping up wetness and making such a sinful sound echo into your ears you would have blushed if there were any other sensations left for you to experience. As it was now you were already on fire.  

“Look at how wet you are for me, my love. Do you want me to suck on your clit? You know I would do it for you if you asked me to. I’d do anything you asked me to do.”

“Fuck, Kyungsoo.” it was too much. It was already too much. His fingers had slipped into the wetness between your legs already and you were having a hard time keeping any coherent thoughts active inside your mind, let alone being able to form any actual sentences like he was doing.

“You’re so beautiful when you beg me. ”

His fingers were inside, massaging and tracing patterns and you inhaled a breath and nodded your head quickly, an answer to his question.

“Yes, please, suck on my clit, make me cum, please.” Your words were short and staccato bursts and you lifted your hands to cover your face and most importantly your mouth because the sounds you could not help making were too much for your ears. What if, what if the neighbors complained? What if someone knew how much of a wreck you were in his hands?

“Don't cover yourself,” he said sternly and you knew it wasn’t a request. You dropped your hands to your side and gripped the fabric of bedspread beneath you and he dropped quickly down between your legs, placed his open mouth right over your center and you felt the brush of his bottom lip before you felt his tongue against your clit. And he pulled.

The suction of his mouth sent a surge of electricity through you and paired with the flicking movement of his tongue had your legs shaking and your hands in his hair. You squeezed and pulled, desperate to keep him there and you felt the build m-up in your spine; in your thighs; in your abdomen. You felt the surge as your nerves reacted and he didn’t quit; he didn’t let up and his mouth pulled with a purpose and you lost yourself to him. You lost all thought and you lost the desire to keep quiet.

When your legs fell down onto the bed and you loosened the tight grip of your fingers in his hair the tight connection of his mouth to your clit ceased and there was a scatter of wet kisses along your thighs. Your breathing was ragged and the world was dizzy and Kyungsoo was moving around the bed as you closed your eyes and savored the afterglow.

You lifted a hand to run over your face and found stray strands of his hair stuck between your fingers. Your breathing hadn’t a chance to recover when you felt his warmth beside you. You felt his hands on your face and he gripped you with that look of pure fire in his eyes.

“You,” he said and you felt his hand move down your neck, he reached your breast and squeezed down hard, “taste,” his eyes roamed a wild path over your face, “so fucking good.”

He leaned into you then; placing his open mouth over yours and you pulled his bottom lip inside your mouth and you tasted -- you tasted everything he meant for you to taste and he pushed his tongue deep inside your mouth; it brushed against your tongue and you swallowed until you no longer tasted yourself. You swallowed until you tasted only Kyungsoo’s kiss and he rolled onto his back, bringing you along for the ride, you found yourself on top of him where he laid, pressed into the pillows of your bed.

The position brought you in line with him when you straddled his waist and he sat up and griped you tightly around the waist and lifted, just enough; just high enough to adjust himself. Your legs were still weak and shaky from the orgasm moments before, but his grip was strong and tight on you. The trembling you felt must have been from you.

“I’ve got you, baby, shhh,” he cooed into your ear.

You must have whined. You must have shaken enough for him to notice how dizzy and how weak you felt because he wrapped both arms around you and lifted higher, bringing you up and over and you felt the tip of him, upright and needy, he slipped into your entrance and you fell onto him, giving in to gravity and to the unparalleled force of him. He filled you completely and the sounds he made when he did it were magic.

You found a rhythm. You found some strength in your thighs and he wasn’t usually one to make too much noise when he fucked you, yet there was something desperate that had built here. You heard the soft sounds he made, the grunts and groans and his eyes were closed as he pushed his hips up, pulling you down hard over his lap, he fucked into you with his lips hung open and that beautiful face transformed; he experienced you completely; with his eyes closed and his mind switched off, he was feeling everything you did and his eyes would open occasionally to look into yours and they rolled shut again when the sensations were too much. Because they were, everything was too much. You had been so spent already and yet you felt another chasm growing inside of you.

You gave in and moved your hips again, urging the feeling to crest. His hands gripped your flesh hard and fingertips dug into your flesh and the way he was trembling below you was telling. He was close.

“Oh god, baby, you’re making me feel so good,” he whined against your ear, “I need to cum inside of you.” His hands were firm around the back of your neck and he squeezed down as he pushed into you from below. “Will my sweet girl let me cum inside. Hmm, baby, please let me see that pretty pussy filled with my cum?”  

You were too gone to answer and you got through half a head nod of agreement when you felt yourself losing control again. Your legs were shaking and you tightened around him so much that you heard a gasp and a growl escaped his lungs and you were pushed; you were rolled over onto your back and he was on you without leaving you, he was pushing into you harder with stronger hands pushing your knees far apart as he fucked you.

“...so fucking pretty,” he said between pushes and your skin burned. The stimulation was already too much and you screamed as he shook and trembled between your legs and you felt shaking and heard the yell from his lips as his pace staggered and faltered. There was a burst amidst the tremble and you felt the spasmodic bursts inside of you as a new warmth flooded inside.   

There was a pause in his breathing and you held your breath to match. His screwed together eyes and his blissful face and those lips that held so much power and after a second you saw the movement of his eyes below his closed eyelids and his eyes opened and bounced from your face down and he was pushing up and off. He had a purpose in his movement. Your entire world was spinning and he was pushing off of you with his focus down to where your bodies still connected.

You felt the movement of his hips and he watched as he slowly pulled himself out of you and in the seconds where his breathing stopped again he watched and bit down on his lip with his heavy breaths still raging through his body. You felt it, the liquid leave you. You watched the look on his face as he saw and he gripped the spent tip of his dick and pushed again, a gasp and a wince on his face and it was all too much. The sight of yourself, filled with him. Filled with the evidence of the sex. Dripping out and spilling onto the bed below. He reveled in it and had his fill of the sight and it had consumed him just as it had you.

Kyungsoo was as overwhelmed as you were and you watched him sink with it, falling into the bed beside you. You reached for him and he reached for you and there were no more words spoken out loud.

There were small kisses and sweet touches and then he rested his cheek over your chest to listen to your heart; using you as a pillow of warmth and comfort. It felt so perfect and you would have wept had you not been so exhausted. There was a heavy sleep whose thick blanket was coating the both of you as your limbs tangled, heartbeats and breathing joined each other in a perfectly steady pace, and you let yourself drift. You let yourself give in to the love and security you felt inside his arms and you closed your eyes when you heard his breathing change.

You didn’t have to compromise or bargain or fight about any of it. You just closed your eyes and let it happen. You let yourself sleep and you let yourself love him.

Only the One you Love[M]:  part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9

[marshmallowprotection]

Music Theory #3

Oh, boy, here come’s another Music Theory for you guys and this time I gotta share my feelings to you about Jon Bellion’s Guillotine. I couldn’t get it out of my head the first time that I head it so I gotta share this to you guys. I’m trying something new this time rather than using reader insert, I’m going to plop in my custom MC for this one because that way makes me feel better about sharing my theories. 

Get ready for some feels and canon divergence. 

“Sleep on me, feel the rhythm in my chest, just breathe I will stay so the lantern in your heart won't fade.” She is the light in his life. She is all that he’s ever wanted and everything that he thought he could never be worthy of. Lila is this guiding force of positivity that he doesn't know what he would do without. For all that it is worth, he can’t imagine what life would be like if she wasn’t at his side. If he was the discarded weed in the garden then she is the sunlight that bathes him in its light no matter who he is. 

Saeran isn't sure how it happened nor does he have any idea how he had ever become so lucky to have a person in his life as great as she is. It's when the sun is setting in the west and she is right at his side that he holds his breath in the hope that this fairytale would never come to an end. It never really truly ends and he feels fortunate that his prayers had been heard amongst the hundreds, no, millions of others that are out there. Her eyes are closed, her arms around his waist, and her head rests against his chest.

After all the things they’ve been through... somehow she’s the one that’s standing at his side. She was standing next to him. Him, the guy who dragged her away from her world of safety and into a world of chaos. Him, the guy who taunted her from afar. Him, the guy who threatened to destroy everything with the pull of his trigger. Him, the guy who stared at the world with callous and hatred. Of all the people in the world that she could have chosen, she never once looked at anyone but him. 

Even as the RFA was sent into a whirlwind when she arrived at their former leader’s apartment when she stared at her phone with an uncertain gaze in her eyes, and even as each and every one of the members was thrown into their own small tragedy because of Mint Eye... she never strayed her concern for him in the center of the crisis. 

“The secrets you tell me I'll take to my grave. There are bones in my closet, but you hang stuff anyway. And if you have nightmares, we'll dance on the bed.” Lila kept reaching out to him without telling the rest of the RFA. He never answered her messages or texts but he could see them... each and every one of them as the days passed. She would ask about his well being if he was eating if he was sleeping, and when she didn’t get her answers, she would tell him about herself that she had never shared with the rest of the world. Lila should know better than trust somebody like him, but it almost makes him feel alive when she treats him different from the RFA. 

As Unknown, he does his damnedest to keep her at an arm's length so he can keep doing his job as the hacker. But she keeps cutting through his walls and his threats. This princess had it in her head that she was going to speak to him no matter what he did. But at the same time as he tries to pull away, he caves into her whispers of kindness. If she had faith in him, then it seemed as though it might be easier to get her to come with him in the end. 

He scoffs at the way that she speaks without thinking of herself. But not for a moment would he ever recant the attention that she was giving him. Even as she jokes with the RFA, speaks with them, and gets on like nothing is wrong, he can feel it in his chest and it fills him with that wicked sense of satisfaction. Unknown knows that even as she seems as though she’s only on their side, she still falters because she listens to him. Moments where he says too much to Lila on a text message, moments where he accidentally says something too emotional or pushes things about himself aside, and she speaks to him in a way that doesn’t speak down to him like others have. It hits too close to home. 

Gritting his teeth and pushing her away for daring to be kind to him when she should be afraid of him. Lila would cower at his warnings. She should know better than to trust him. She should know better to think for a moment that she is safe. Even as she laughs and continues to worry for him, she should always remember what he plans and what he wants to do. “I know that you love me, love me.”

“I’m worried about you.” she would text. 

“Don’t,” he replies. “Worry about yourself, princess.” 

Then she starts trying to feed him ideas that the RFA aren’t terrible people like he knows them to be. She even goes as far to suggest that he could join them and get out of Mint Eye. Leave his home because she thinks they treat him wrongly! What nonsense! It’s when she tells him that she thinks Luciel isn’t a bad person that he knows. Unknown knew at that moment that she couldn’t be trusted to stay with them any longer. He gets so angry one evening because of that and there’s too much of the elixir burning in his veins and he can’t stand it any longer. 

He wreaks havoc on the security system in her apartment, he destroys it in the middle of the night that so it will be open for him to see her face to face. It doesn’t take much for him to scale the building and shatter the window to pieces, and with his hypnotizing mint eyes make contact with hers it feels like his heart is racing faster than any drug he’s ever taken to satisfy his Savior’s needs and desires. He tells her not to make a move, and that she should be happy that he finally came to save her from the RFA. 

She tells him that he’s making a mistake... but the way that her eyes look in that moment tells him otherwise. 

“I know that you love me, love me. Even when I lose my head. Guillotine, guillotine.” Oh, oh, oh, but that traitor had to ruin everything once again. That man had to rush into the room before he could steal Lila for himself once and for all. Saeyoung always ruins everything for him. His words are lies as he tells Lila about them being brothers, acting like he cared about Saeran this entire time when it was clear to Unknown that he didn’t. Even as he has Lila on his side, and in his grasps, he loses control of himself in the madness of it all and he has to leave that place without her with him. 

The way her desperate voice calls after him will always haunt him. As will the counter on the timer for the bomb. 

“I know that you love me, love me. Even when I lose my head.”

The rest of the weeks are a blur to him. It seemed like the world was on its ends, and he was running through the motions robotically. First, he’s captured by Luciel’s partner and he’s caught up in a mess he didn’t ask for. All because the idiot went and ran off with Lila to find him and made this situation worse when it could have been stopped by him never getting involved in his life in the first place. Then, he’s trapped in a cabin with these idiots, and Saeyoung keeps trying to get close to him. He doesn’t let him get close, however, it’s only Lila that he barely trusts anymore. 

“Kiss my lips, feel the rhythm of your heart and hips. I will pray so the castle that we've built won't cave.” Saeran is allowed to step outside to breathe, but Lila is the one that follows after him to make sure he doesn’t run. He tries to keep her away at arm's length, but again, her voice tries to melt his walls. 

“Hey,” she says.

He looks back at Lila, not saying anything at first, just keeping his brow feathered and lips tight. Then, he opens his mouth, “Shouldn’t you be with your precious boyfriend instead of out here with me?”

Lila is a bit startled by that word, and it shows on her face as she stares back at his unreadable face. “We’re... we’re not together like that. I could never see him like that.” 

Even though his head hurts and he’s confused by everything that’s going on around him with his brother and his savior, he wants to believe what Lila is saying is the truth. And for a moment, underneath the stars, she is speaking to him as if they were actually friends, and going on about this and that as she had when she had been burning his phone up when she was still in that damned apartment. 

For a moment... for that moment... he almost believes what she says but it doesn’t late for long. 

The moment that he sees Saeyoung’s face once more, he forgets anything else and steals a phone to get a hold of Mint Eye. Then, they come for them. Then, they’re taken away. Then, V gets involved in this mess, and the Savior makes no excuses that make sense, and then, the Savior decides to get rid of all of the traitors with the elixir without even asking him what he wants. She never longer seems to trust him. 

The Savior has him in front of the entirety of Mint Eye and scolds him for not doing what he was meant to do. She even says that Saeyoung is better than him, says that he should take his place in Mint Eye and that he should rot in the dungeons for his failures. He shrieks and he shouts at them all that Saeyoung isn’t better than him -

but before he can do anything his brother throws himself in front of him. He has the gall to open his mouth and say that he would protect Saeran and if anyone tried to hurt him he would end them. For some reason, those words hit him like a bullet and he can’t breathe. 

The last thing that he remembers before everything went dark was the gun in his hand and the sound of V’s voice in the air... and then Lila’s shriek of pain. “You fill me up, you fill me up. You set my soul ablaze. You fill me up, you fill me up. Your love is so amazing.”

How was he supposed to know that Lila would take the bullet for V? 

It was something that he discovered once the dust had settled in the hospital and his body ached all over from the withdrawal. He was continually resistant to everyone that tried to talk to him, and despite the fact that Saeyoung kept trying to be the only one that got through to him - there was no way he was going to willing speak to Saeyoung without biting back. 

After he had a bad fit with those doctors, he was left alone for a half an hour before the door opened again and he turned his head away from the person before they even walked in. 

“Saeran...?” 

“Guillotine, guillotine. Even when I lose my head. Guillotine, guillotine. Even when I lose my head.” He whips his head back in the direction of the voice that has been haunting his mind for some time and stares at the woman. Lila was standing there in one piece, although it was obvious that she had been injured as well in the midst of the fight. Her face was a bit whiter than usual, and her arm was wrapped up carefully. 

“Lila,” his voice is unfamiliar to him. 

Her footsteps are light against the ground but she approaches him without a fear in her heart. “Saeran,” she repeated herself. “They said you were awake so I had to come and see you before somebody stopped me from doing it. I’m so happy to see you’re okay.” 

She wasn’t okay though. 

He looked down at his lap away from Lila, suddenly sick to his stomach and ashamed of himself. “You should probably go.” 

“And leave you alone yet again? Every time I’ve done that you’ve got hurt somehow, and there’s no way I’m gonna let that happen again.” If she could put both of her hands on her hips she would have at that moment. “I know you’ve been fighting the staff. I could hear you from across the hall. I’m sorry you’ve had to put up with a lot of this but nobody’s trying to hurt you, Saeran, they just want to help.” 

“Just like he wants to help,” he spits, without even flinching. “I don’t need anyone to do that.” 

“I know.” she rested her unhurt hand against his own. “You’re strong in your own way, and you don’t need anyone to baby you. If you need space from them then you need to honest when they come in. If you don’t want anyone to bother you then you say it, and if you want someone to stay, then say it. “ 

Lila made it sound so simple. 

This woman was incredible in ways that he still didn’t understand. 

“How did you get hurt?” 

“...I’m too self-sacrificing for my own good.” 

“I’m the reason you’re hurt... aren’t I?” 

“You didn’t mean to do it.”

“I still did it.” 

“I’ll forgive you.” 

His breath was heavy against his lungs. He knew that he might regret it and he knew that he might only cause more trouble but at that moment, all he wanted was one thing. “Would you stay?” 

“I thought you’d never ask.” 

And from that moment, the rest was history. 

“You fill me up, you fill me up. Your love is so amazing. You fill me up, you fill me up. You set my soul ablaze. You fill me up even when I lose my head.” 

[theearlymorningmist]

Don’t Judge a Book: Chpt. 5

TONY STARK X READER

Plot: Your mother always told you never to judge a book by its cover…But can you remember that when it comes to Mr. Stark, the one person you can’t stand? In order to see what kind of man the great Tony Stark really is, you decide to become his personal assistant…

Chapter One, Chapter two ,  Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight, Chapter Nine,  Chapter Ten

Warnings: Panic Attack

Word Count: 1800

(Y/N) = your name,  

 A/n- Sorry for the shitty quality of this chapter, i’ve been rlly out of it lately.

You spent most of Friday morning dealing with last minute party plans. Little things here and there. But the odd part was that it was actually getting you excited to attend the thing, and see all your hard work come together. And that excitement was cutting through any doubts you had about going on a boat…

You had just finished confirming what time set up would begin when a commotion outside your office caught your attention.

“Ma’am you can’t be on this floor.” You heard one of your co-workers explaining. You stood up and opened your door to see what was going on.

“You don’t understand, I’m the teacher of the elementary school tour going on today, I’m missing one of the kids.” The teacher explained, worriedly.

Just as you were about to offer to take them around the building looking, the elevator doors opened with a ding. Out walked Mr. Stark with one hand around a young kid and the other nonchalantly in his pocket.

“Lost and found, party of one.” The man smirked, walking over to the frantic teacher.

“I met Tony Stark!” The kid exclaimed, happily.

“Don’t be too mad at the kid for slipping off.” Tony chuckled, flashing you an acknowledging smile afterwards.

“Come on, everyone’s waiting.” The teacher said in a stern tone. “Don’t go running off again.” They added, as the two began walking away.

The kid glanced back at Tony sadly, and the man waved goodbye. “Stay curious, kid.” He called, as the elevator doors shut.

Everyone else went back to their desks, but you stayed just watching Tony smile after the kid. It was such a sweet moment… “Like something you see, darling?” The man asked, catching you staring, and ruining the innocence of the moment.

“No.” You replied sweetly, chuckling.

“So, are you excited for your first Stark Party tonight? Got your notepad and guillotine ready?” Tony teased.

“I’m attending as a simple observer.” You explained. “Like a nature photographer on a safari.”

Tony laughed, shaking his head. “You can’t observe a party. You have to live it, experience it.” He paused, grinning. “Drink it.”

“Don’t worry, Mr. Stark. I’m sure you’ll drink enough for the both of us.” You quipped, heading back into your office.

“Such insubordination.” Tony gasped. “I should have your badge for that.”

You let out a sigh. “Tony…we’re not doing this. The flirty quipping thing. Let’s just try and keep things professional.” You explained.

“Hey, you’re the one that called it flirting.” He winked.

That comment flustered and annoyed you. “I…” You cleared your throat. “I need to get back to work, sir.” You managed, staring at your black computer screen.

“Oops, the S-word. That’s my cue.” Tony shrugged. “I’ll see you tonight, darling.” He added, sing-song, before sauntering out of your office. That man…you thought…Is too witty for his own good.

…

The entire time you were getting ready to go to the party, your mind was going back and forth on the matter. On the one hand, you wanted to go and part of you was excited, but on the other hand you were worried that you were letting your guard down too much with Tony. You found yourself actually tolerating the man, and maybe even having fun talking to him sometimes. But you had to stay impartial. All you had come to do was see what kind of man he was, and then you’d go your separate ways…

Before you knew it, you were ready and about to call a cab, when there was a knock at the door. You answered it and was surprised to find that Tony had hired a car service to take you to the party. A big, flashy, black limo. Inside, there was a note from the man himself.

“(Y/N), can’t have my PA arriving in anything but the best. I’ll see you there—fashionably late of course.

-TS”

You rolled your eyes. ‘Fashionably late’ was asshole code for ‘I want attention.’. Never the less, you decided to shrug it off and enjoy the product of your hard work. The boat looked beautiful- stunning even. Everything had come together better than you could have imagined.

And yet…you found yourself hesitating at the end of the boarding platform. It’s just a boat. It can’t hurt you. You repeated to yourself as you took your first step aboard. As you made your way up the platform you couldn’t help but think- What is it with rich people and boats anyways?

…

About an hour into the party, you were in the middle of an interesting conversation with one of your co-workers when you felt a tap on the shoulder. You were surprised to turn and see Steve Rogers, Captain America himself, smiling at you.

“Mind if I interrupt?” He asked, politely.

“Uh, sure, yes.” You nodded, saying a quick goodbye to the other person. “Are you enjoying the party Mr. Rogers?” You asked.

“Please, you can call me Steve. And yes I am, you did a great job.” The tall man smiled. “Listen, I wanted to apologize if we made you uncomfortable the other night.” Steve began, sincerely.

“No, I’d like to apologize, I was completely out of line to say what I did. I should have kept my thoughts to myself.”

“That’s quite alright ma’am. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion.” He said, almost making you laugh. He was just so polite. The complete opposite to how Tony spoke.

“Hey Capsicle, you trying to steal my PA?” You heard, Tony’s voice from behind you. “Because you can’t have ‘em.” Tony added, patting a hand on your shoulder. “I have dibs.”

Steve shook his head, amused. “Just making conversation. It was nice talking to you (Y/N), maybe I’ll see you again.” The man nodded goodbye, and headed off to talk to someone else.

“You turning traitor on me, (Y/N)?” Tony teased.

You shook your head, rolling your eyes. “Note- ‘fashionably late’ means approximately an hour or so. Got it.” You spoke to yourself.

“So you’re sticking around long enough to need notes on my habits. Interesting.” The man smirked. Before you could comment he spoke again. “Care to dance?” Tony asked, holding out his hand.

“I don’t think dancing with my boss would reflect very well on me.” You replied, hesitantly.

The man took your hand anyways, leading you to the dance floor. “Who cares what other people think? Life’s no fun when you’re worrying about that.” He chuckled, pulling you close.

“Maybe life isn’t supposed to be all fun and games.” You countered.

“Then you’re living wrong.” Tony said, with seriousness, as the two of you began to sway to the soft music. After a moment, the man regained his playful air. “So, how am I doing?” He asked, interested.

“At dancing?” You questioned.

“No, in your little moral tally book. How am I doing?” He repeated.

The man’s tone was amused, but there seemed to be some sincerity to his curiosity. He genuinely wanted to know what you thought of him. You let out a short sigh and met the man’s gaze.

“You’re…complicated. You do objectively good things, like save the world or taking care of your employees…But all when you’re not expecting people to look. And then you scream look at me whenever you’re being a total asshole.” You glanced away quickly. “So I can’t tell if you’re a good guy who’s trying to cover up just how good he is. Or if you’re the asshole who just gets off on the savior thing.”

Tony seemed to process this for a moment before giving you a soft smile. “Maybe I’m both.” He shrugged, spinning you out and then pulling you back in, closer than before.

“If you’re both, then I don’t know what to think of you…” You breathed, heart pounding as you let yourself hold the man’s intense gaze.

The man leaned in close, whispering in your ear as you continued to dance. “Think of me as Tony. Just…Tony.”

You pulled away slightly, wanting to look at the man’s face. “Tony.” You repeated, trying to just see a man. A man that you had to admit…you didn’t entirely hate. In fact you might even like ‘just Tony’ a bit.

As the two of you held each other’s gaze, you felt both of you beginning to lean in. You didn’t think, you didn’t question it, you just allowed the slight movement, closing your eyes as your lips were about to touch…

And then the boat horn went off. And you nearly jumped out of your skin. The rude awakening made you realize all the people looking at you. Your co-workers, the Avengers, it seemed like even the waiters were catching a glance at the two of you.

A sudden wave of embarrassment washed over you and you let go of Tony, stepping away from the man quickly. “I…need to get some air.” You mumbled, walking away quickly.

You walked until you found a place where no one seemed to be. One floor down from the party, at the very back of the boat. You leaned against the railing, taking a few deep breaths.

You had almost kissed Tony Stark. Your boss, and the man you thought you hated more than anyone else. And everyone had seen it almost happen. How could you ever go back to work now?

You shook your head. What did you care about work? You were quitting eventually anyways… At least, that had been the plan.

You felt yourself getting more and more worked up, and you weren’t even sure why this was so upsetting. Every time you tried to think, the grinding of the boat’s engines interrupted you. You just wanted silence from that awful noise. It sounded so much like another engine that you couldn’t forget.

You cursed yourself for coming to this party. You knew you weren’t ready to be on a boat again. This was only too obvious by your erratic heartrate and shaking hands.

“(Y/N)?” You heard Tony call to you. “There you are, are you alright?” The man asked.

You turned to face him, clutching the man’s arm and looking at him with desperation.

“Tony…help me.”

@captainsherlockwinchester110283 @lilylovelyxo @not-reptilian @thevanishedillusion @kilamanjiro @xxcxrolinexx  @txnystarkimagines​ @josislife @hellaoppa @sneakingthroughyourgifs @embrel, @cudan2 @jellybean557@wefracturedmotivation @capandbuck