#in 2020 this would have gotten me death threats

[tallysgreatestfan]

As a bi autistic woman Entrapta being canonically bisexual means so much to me.

To be fair, the moments with Scorpia and Darla are rather subtle, but hey, crew did confirm that she is bi, so...

No matter who a bi person dates, they stay bi, and no matter who they date, they are always queer enough, by the way

[thepeachyfaerie]

STOPPING EARLY ACCESS

Hey everyone, I hope everyone is doing well!

I have made the decision to stop releasing CC for early access. Starting July, all CC will be immediately public upon release.

There are a lot of factors that led to this and it's been something I've been debating for a while.

When I started making CC back in 2020, I didn't know very many creators and all the people I did know were either on TSR or on Patreon doing early access. I was unemployed at the time and decided it would be fun to do early access for my CC and make a little bit of side money while I searched for a job. Nothing really came of my Patreon, I think I made like $30 a month at most, until the 21st Birthday collab with EA came out in February 2021. After that, things kinda took off in a way. I got a lot more attention than I think I expected or was prepared to have, and while it was amazing, it also put an odd pressure on me. I struggled extremely heavily with imposter syndrome (I still do), thinking I didn't deserve that opportunity and it should've gone to someone more established in the community.

CC-creating became my job. I was making about $200 a month while unable to work due to deteriorating mental and physical health. I was in an extremely bad place mentally and wanted desperately to have CC-making become my career because I thought it would be better than an in-person job. In some ways, it was. However, in other ways, it introduced new issues.

I think starting in 2022 I was struggling a lot with motivation. I felt pressured to constantly make content to the point where I started doing the opposite. I love making CC but it got to the point where I was dreading it because I knew I HAD to do it, if that makes sense. I monetized a passion of mine, put insane pressure on myself, and I crumbled. Whenever I would do anything other than make CC, I would guilt myself so hard for not being productive.

Then the "paywall/early access" debacle happened in mid-2022. If you weren't there, basically EA had updated their TOS to ban permanent paywalled CC, however it was phrased in a way that made it seem like early access CC wasn't allowed. Many people, myself included, stopped doing early access CC to respect this. However, not even a week later, they updated their TOS to allow early access CC with a reasonable time frame (which has generally been understood to be 2-3 weeks, which I've always kept it within that time frame). Some creators stayed without early access, while others implemented it again, one of those people being myself. 

This... caused a lot of backlash, lmao. A LOT of people online were very upset with anyone who did this. In my eyes, I was doing early access to support myself through college while disabled and unable to work a "normal" job. To these people, I was greedy and taking advantage of the community. I got so, so many hate messages and death threats in my Tumblr inbox that I turned off anon messages, and to this day I still have anxiety every time I see a new message because I'm positive it's going to be hate.

I even got called out by name on a few occasions, which was definitely something difficult to handle while already in mental health crisis. One specific person was very angry I was putting Re/Gshade presets behind early access. 

I want to make something very clear. I understand. I understand how frustrating it is to not be able to get something you want immediately. I understand that The Sims 4 is just a game. I understand where these people are coming from because I know I've gotten disheartened when I saw someone had a piece I NEEDED but it was in early access. It's frustrating! However to me, I saw it as monetizing my hard work and time. I still think that's justified, however I know a vast majority of this community does not. That does not mean that the hate and aggression directed towards me was justified. At the end of the day, I'm still a person who loves The Sims 4, loves creating, and wants to share it with the world.

There was also the issue of reuploading. I know it's inevitable, people will share early access CC no matter what. I tried to tell myself that the only people downloading it were people who wouldn't pay for my CC anyway, so there was no harm done. In actuality, I noticed my patron number dropping. But at the end of the day, the money doesn't matter to me. It was the principal of the act. I felt really disrespected and like my hard work and energy meant nothing to people. I KNOW that wasn't intended by anyone downloading from these places, but I'm a very sensitive person and it still hurt. 

At the end of the day, I know that early access CC is hurting me more than it's helping me. I know that sounds dramatic and maybe it is, but I need to prioritize my mental health. I'm going into my 3rd year of college next fall and I need to start planning for when I graduate.

Will this change in the future? Probably not. I love making CC and I want it to stay that way. I don't know if uploads will be consistent at this point, if they'll increase or decrease, etc. I'm going to try my best but I want to work with myself and allow myself time and breaks if I need it.

All tiers will be converted to donation-only, although I will still offer my one-click CC folder for the $3.50 tier. 

Apologies that this got kind of personal, I've been ruminating on this for months and needed to get it off my chest. Again, I'm a very sensitive person, always have been, and at the end of the day my mental health matters more than any money I could make.

[thebroccolination]

Krist's Thai Fans

My favorite thing about Krist's Thai fans is how kind they are. As long as you're respectful when you ask, they're more than willing to answer questions about him and clarify the past to people who are looking for context. That's what I've always done, and it really speaks to the kind of bond that exists between him and them that although interfans have happily tried to destroy his reputation overseas for years, his Thai fans are able to be this patient dealing with the same misinterpretations of his character over and over.

And a lot of them have been fans since SOTUS. I've spoken to some who attended the filming of SOTUS. Some have known this man since he was a teenager, and since he wears his heart on his sleeve, they know him better than most fans would know the average celebrity. At the BMF finale event, he started crying when he saw a fan he hadn't seen for months. He thought she'd lost interest, but it turned out she'd just gotten busy with work and had been donating to his food support for months instead.

Before I went to Thailand, my friend told me he'd been to a bunch of BL actor events and he said of all the fanbases he saw, Krist and his fans seemed the most like actual, genuine friends. And then I attended the BMF finale event and Krist's solo concert, and my friend was right. At the fan benefits portion of both, Krist not only recognized his fans, he had unique ways of interacting with each of them. One woman opened her arms and ran at him with a yell, and he grinned and yelled back. One guy walked up to him with a beaming smile and Krist lit up and hugged him. It wasn't a, "Hey…you!" thing, he knew these people well enough that he immediately recognized them and matched their energy.

Two friends, a guy and a girl, took a 3:1 photo with Krist, and it was clear from his nervousness that it was the guy's first time meeting Krist. He lingered after, said something to Krist, and Krist beamed and took his hands. The guy walked off the stage barely keeping it together, and his friend turned around and waved at Krist with a knowing smile.

Then, during a group photo, a woman and her friend told Krist that she'd been diagnosed with a terminal illness, and she would likely never meet him again. She was smiling, and he gave her a long hug. She passed away recently.

The reason I'm so enthusiastic about Krist as a person is because I saw firsthand the amount of energy and devotion he reserves for the people who care about him. Friends, family, coworkers, staff, fans. He could easily give half of what he does and it would still be admirable. The fan benefits for the second day of his solo concert went on until at least eleven at night, and the concert started at three. And he was there rehearsing from early morning after doing another concert with benefits the day before. And he was sick. He got through both days using steroids, and he was violently ill from them afterward.

And like, every time I think about this bond with his fans, I'm moved by how immensely kind his Thai fans specifically have always been to me. They've been through so incredibly much with the weird witch hunt against Krist spearheaded by international fans. He was tormented off social media in 2020, but his long-time Thai fans were still there. Watching as western people arrived in this fandom for the first time and started cheerfully spouting death threats at someone whose language they didn't even speak. These people saw one screenshot and an inflamatory TikTok or two and rather than ask anyone why Thai fans weren't also baying for his blood, they decided they knew best and that his fans must just be simps or idiots.

When I visited Thailand last year, it struck me how humble and kind most of these actors are. Be it because they have perspective from working other jobs (doctor, chef, etc.), and if they're like Krist and only work in the entertainment industry, they might just see their fans so often and at such close range that it's probably impossible to want to maintain an Aloof and Mysterious Distance from them. Maybe it's cultural, too. Here in Ireland, Irish people famously don't give a toss when they see Irish celebrities. I saw Hozier on the corner in my neighborhood a few weeks ago chatting with an unhoused man and no one at all reacted.

All this to say, since KristSingto will be active this year, and they'll likely have a series announced at the showcase, please encourage people to do more research than skim through a YouTube video called PROBLEMATIC BAD PEOPLE IT IS ACCEPTABLE TO BE MEAN TO. If not for Krist, then for his queer Thai fans who are, I can confirm, extremely tired of international fans coming into fandom with sanctimonious and cruel intentions that make the entire experience dramatically worse.

I promise you if Krist had ever been perceived as homophobic by his Thai fans, who know him far better than we do, then his queer Thai fans would still be saying something. He also wouldn't have primarily queer friends. Like, it's not one or two. Most of his friends are queer. The industry is queer.

Anyway, y'know. Another day, another casual effort to stamp out this nonsense so we can all enjoy KristSingto time in peace.

[not-alien-girl-v]

I would die if you wrote something about James being embarrassed for having a cold in front of the reader. I imagine how much James would cringe when he sees other sick people, and I can certainly imagine him wanting to die again if he accidentally sneezes whilst trying to hold it in. AND IF THIS MAN SEES YOU TRYNA FUSS OVER HIM, OH HELL NAH HE’S GONNA FEEL GUILTY ASF😭😭

Warning: mentions of germs and sickness and general grossness

Note: i’m writing this in our current 2022, the post-covid world which felt a little icky so beware of that. i kind of made him babygirl in this so for that i apologize but james not being babygirl makes no sense to me

Flu season. It comes around every year, infesting the hotel lobby with germs. Germs germs germs, the dirty kind, the kind that make you sick, the icky, gross kind of sick where you can’t breathe and nose is all runny.

Despite being deceased for nearly a century (97 years, but who’s counting?), James still had a body in death, though he can’t die again, nothing can happen to his soul, he can still catch certain pesky illnesses. He had survived the Spanish Influenza in 1918, he had nearly gotten COVID-19 in 2020, and since then he has learned his lesson: beware of the sick, and wear a mask amongst the masses.

Since he knew of this simple solution to avoid sickness, he found there to be little to no excuse for catching a virus, especially in this day and age, with all of the vaccines and boosters and recommendations from the CDC, you’d have to be an idiot to still be sick.

He’d walk through the lobby of his hotel, past the bars, hearing the infected cough and wheeze, and he’d grimace in disgust at them. The least they could do was take their illness to their own homes.

That was until this morning, when he noticed a slight tickle in his throat that no amount of whiskey could satisfy. Strange, that liquor usually fixed all of his problems as quick as they came.

He was a man, he was certain, and a real one at that, which meant he was not to act childish over a small tickle in his throat. He had things to do, places to be and plenty of people to order around in a day that just couldn’t wait. But soon, that tickle turned to a cough that he couldn’t contain in him.

With each word he spoke, the threat of him coughing hung loosely in his throat, his lungs seemed to inflate at half mass, leaving a croaky wheeze in the absence of air in them. Along with his cough, he felt dizziness, headaches, and slight nausea.

He kept this all to himself, suffering in silence because he knew you knew how much he hated sick people, much more being sick, and he didn’t want your pity. But that all was interrupted once you caught him taking a COVID test in your shared bathroom.

You had just returned to the hotel from a trip to the thrift store, something James rarely approved of, not understanding the appeal of buying things second hand when he could afford any luxury clothing you desired, when you noticed him in the bathroom.

Odd, since it was the middle of the day, he usually would be out and about the hotel by now. The door was open so you pushed it open a little further, him not taking any notice to you, and you spotted him struggling to set a 15 minute timer on his iPhone with the test kid splayed out in front of him.

“James?” You called out to him, startling him while he jumped in surprise.

He steadied himself with one strong hand latched onto the bathroom counter, “yes darling?” You moved a bit closer to him and he awkwardly blocked the test from your view with his body.

“What are you doing?” You questioned and he looked around the room desperately for something else to talk about.

“My love, did you go to that dreaded second hand shop again? You know how I feel about that,” he dismissed your question but knew you wouldn’t leave it alone, why would you?

“Don’t change the subject. What is that?” You popped your head behind him.

“Oh this?” He acted as if he’s only just now understood what you meant. He grabbed the testing kit and began to pack it up. “It’s just- um- protocol nowadays for staff and residents of the hotel, we all have to test once weekly.”

It was rare to see him stumble over his words, rarer to see him so nervous while talking to you, he usually has a natural sense of charm when conversing with you but today, he seemed jittery and a bit loopy. Obviously, there was something wrong.

“Hmm,” you hummed at him, clearly seeing through his lie because you had never heard anything about it, which, if his lie was to be the truth, you would have, given that you were a full time resident as well.

He left you with a warm smile and walked out of the bathroom, returning to his desk where he filled out paperwork. You followed, but instead draped yourself along the couch a few feet from his desk.

He was mostly silent for a good 10 minutes until you heard a strange noise, something similar to a stifled cough emit from him. “What was that?” You asked, now completely catching onto him.

“Whatever do you mean?” He didn’t even look up from his work on his desk when responding to you.

“That noise you just made?”

He cringed internally, “what noise?” He figured he could perhaps gaslight you out of thinking he was sick.

You narrowed your eyes at him and he didn’t react at all. Then, like clockwork, he sneezed, and there was absolutely no covering it up from you. He just rested his head in both his hands while you sauntered over to his desk.

You gently removed his paperwork from the center and set it aside, then hoisted yourself onto the desk in front of him.

“James,” you spoke sternly.

“I’m fine, please, don’t fret, I’m a ghost, I’ll be fine,” he reasoned with you and held your two hands in both of his. You crossed one leg over the other.

“How many times have I told you that even in death, you still need to value and prioritize your health?” He was too embarrassed to answer your question, since he knew it was too many times to count.

Wrapping your hand around the back of his neck, you leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, “go lay down.”

For once, he did as he’s told and reluctantly strips off his day clothes and climbs into bed. You came and sat right by his resting body and layed a hand atop his thigh. His phone alarm blared from the bathroom and he made a move to get up but you restrained him with your hand firm on his leg. In the bathroom you checked, “it’s negative!” You hollered to him.

Emerging to the doorway now, “I’m going to run downstairs really quick, I’ll be back soon,” you told him.

“Take all the time you need, I assure you my dear, I’m fine.”

You squinted your eyes at him but ultimately left the room, hoping that he doesn’t go back to work the moment you leave his sight.

You bought some painkillers from the small shop downstairs along with a Gatorade and a sympathetic look from Liz assured you that James’s condition wasn’t unnoticed by the rest of the hotel staff.

Of course the second you re-entered his hotel suite, he was rushing to situate things at his desk. “James!” you scolded. His eyes met yours and he realized he had far beyond ran out of time.

He just held his hands up in the air in surrender and returned to his bed. The second he settled himself into the center of the mattress, you came and seated yourself in his lab, effectively pinning him down. He sat up and looked at you with a pointed look. “Here,” you handed him the gatorade and painkillers and he took them without a fight, and you were thankful due to his newfound sense of complacency.

He set both objects down on his nightstand once he finished and rested both his hands lightly on your waist. “You truly won’t allow me to continue working today?” You nodded with a smile, and you knew he’d allow you to do whatever you pleased, even if it was just ordering him around, which you found yourself enjoying more than you expected.

“Get some rest. In a few hours, we can talk.” You commanded him and he nodded and situated himself to be laying back down. Finally, you crawled off of him, and cuddled up beside him as you joined him in an afternoon nap.

[pudding-parade]

OK, I'm sorry for posting about politics. Truly. I'll post something sims-related later to make up for it. But for me this is local politics, and Ken Buck -- a man with whom I vehemently disagree, politically, but whom I respect for his commitment to democracy and his stance on the 2020 election not being stolen and for his continuing denouncement of the January 6th insurrection despite things like death threats made against himself and his family by MAGA loonies -- has made my day today. I have literally (and I mean that in the true sense of the word) been spending my afternoon/evening periodically chortling from sheer schadenfreude, so I just have to memorialize this and hope that I don't have to eat my words in November.

For context, or for non-USians, or for just the (slightly) shorter version if you don't want to look at the article....

Lauren Boebert, a super-"MAGA" fascist, is, depressingly, my current representative in the US House of Representatives. She only barely won reelection in 2022 despite the fact that, while I live in a very blue, hippie spot of it, the district has historically leaned heavily conservative because most of the district is made up of very Christian rural ranchers, who are conservative, yes, but in their case, generally speaking, traditionally so. They're mostly not the weird, Trump-flag-waving, MAGA-cult breed of it. So, Bobo only won reelection in 2022 by a few hundred votes and, since then, Adam Frisch, the centrist (which, by non-US standards, is right-wing) Democrat who opposed her and is running again, has only gotten more popular, as the House has proceeded to get absolutely nothing done, despite having a majority, precisely because of the shenanigans of MAGA idiots like Bobo.

So, Bobo decides that for the 2024 election, she'll instead run for the district east of mine, which was Mr. Buck's and which is even more conservative. She announced this decision right after Mr. Buck announced that he was retiring and would not be running for reelection. It was obvious that Bobo figured that that district would be a much easier win than the traditionally conservative district she very nearly lost.

But just today, Mr. Buck announced that instead of staying in Congress until this coming January, he's out as of this coming Friday. Which forces a special election in his district to fill his seat until January. Our (Democrat) state governor announced that that election will on the 25th of June, which is by law the longest delay possible, thus leaving Mr. Buck's seat empty until then, thus eroding the Republicans' majority until then. And if Bobo wanted to enter that special election, she'd have to resign from her current seat immediately because you can't be a sitting congressperson for one district and run for and be elected in another. Bobo has announced that she's not going to give up her current seat. And, for various reasons, all of this means that her chances of winning Buck's district in the regular election in November are now worse. And, she can't change her mind and run for reelection in the regular election for her current district, even if she wanted to, because the deadline for entering that election has recently passed.

So basically it's (probably) bye-bye Bobo! (And probably hello, Mr. Frisch for me, and while I'd be happier with a progressive, I'll take a centrist over a MAGA idiot any day.) And also? Mr. Buck, who has publicly stated that his party no longer aligns with his values, has not only screwed Bobo with his well-timed decision to "spend more time with his family," but also Mike "Christian Nationalist Fascist" Johnson, the Speaker of the House -- who, as the icing on the cake, was not informed of Mr. Buck's decision in advance of the announcement of it -- as his parting gift to MAGA.

Why? Because the Republicans now have a majority of just four or five seats, and, from next Friday until July, when Mr. Buck's (most likely Republican but perhaps not MAGA) successor will be sworn in, they now have one less, with the next election only eight months away and at a time when the Repugs need all hands on deck, so to speak, if they have any hope of getting anything at all done and, therefore, of having anything "positive" (by the conservative definition of that word) that they can talk up and run on from now until November. I'm pretty sure this big "screw you" was Mr. Buck's intention before he announced even his original retirement plans, so...Well played, Mr. Buck. Well. Played.

The question is: Will other House Republicans with integrity (there are a few left) follow Mr. Buck's lead? Could we see the House change majority before the 2024 election? It's not likely, but it's possible! And either way, this one conservative man dealt a blow to the MAGAs today, and I, as an extreme leftie, am here for it.

[kowalskiology101]

Modern Family review of just the Tucker-Pritchetts' ending

...

Being a college football coach is not a once in a lifetime opportunity. Being the first openly gay one in Missouri, yeah, but take a seat for a second. Think. It’s in the midwest, but also a bit southern and Cam’s consistently fluctuating/questionable/homophobic/racist backstory makes me think it’s not a great place for a gay couple with Asian kids even in 2020/2021 (the ever changing years/ages is another rant). Being near Cam’s family is not a good excuse. Nope. Not buying it, but also where did Pam go? She kinda just disappeared and the upstairs unit was magically available. Even if she returned to Missouri, she has beef with Mitch. She’s manipulative and more toxic than Cam. Barb is awful. Horrible. Nothing against the actress, I’m sure she’s sweet or at least decent, but Barb is depraved and Cam only enables her. I do not want Mitch or the kids near Barb. WHO THE HELL WROTE THIS?! WRITERS, WHY DID YOU THINK IT WAS OKAY FOR BARB TO KEEP ACTING THIS WAY AND CAM TO TREAT IT LIKE IT WAS A MITCH BOUNDARY ISSUE?! WHY DID JESSE AND ERIC THINK THIS WAS OKAY?! I get you’re the actors and you can’t do much to sway the script, but seriously? Why was this considered okay? Why was it passed off as a recurring ‘joke’ that she touches him every time she sees him and then kisses him on his wedding, idc if 'because she got drunk', Mitch should’ve exposed her to her husband who was RIGHT THERE even if they divorced. Also, Jay saw that and Mitch could’ve had the opportunity to tell his father. Cam, if ‘private parts are private’ why aren’t boundaries respected?

Some of Reddit seems to think Cam stayed for Mitch like he wasn’t here since at least 1997. Based on his age if he was 18 when he graduated from hs in 1990 and if he went to a four year college for music, ending in 1994, he could’ve moved between ’94 and ’97 in which Mitchell would be in law school. Not sure when he made the Greensleevers or the year of the LA Times article, but he went on a date with Pepper in ’97 and he knew Pepper. Cam knew Pepper longer than Mitch and enough to know he’s from Lubbock, Texas and his grandparents grew up in a trailer park. I feel like Cam stayed because of the gay community that Pepper was building/expanding. Cam and Mitch didn’t even meet until 2004 at one of Pepper’s game nights. And Mitch probably still uncomfortable and reluctant to be public with his relationships and Teddy probably recommended the friend group for a while until Mitch and Pepper met. Why do I feel like part of the reason Nathan Lane wasn’t in the finale was that they couldn’t come up with a reason Pepper would be fine with the move? I feel like Pepper would remind Cam of how much he’s gotten used to the city and how much he loves it. 

Sal being the ‘final reason’ they moved is BS. Dump her. Seriously, she made two death threats against baby Lily and is antagonistic towards her the entire series which cannot be healthy for Lily. They should’ve dumped her years ago. Elizabeth Banks is awesome and funny and Sal had her funny moments, but a grown woman having beef with a baby for existing is pathetic. Luke jealousy when he was 10, I get it. It didn’t even last past Joe’s birth and he was fourteen. Still a kid, still reasonable. Also, Lily had friends and she was popular ‘there are nine girls who will freak if I don’t go to Jenna’s party’. I feel like there are a couple things she exaggerated so she could get her dads’ attention, but I doubt she would actually be okay. And what she said was concerning about dyeing her hair and getting an emotional support pig. She seemed to be saying sarcastically ‘no I wouldn’t be okay with it’. The writers mess around with her academic intelligence, like she’s smart, motivated, and popular enough to be cool with skip a grade, but later too lazy to do a proper project or start an assignment?

The same day they brought their baby home, they finalized the move into the new house. They had their house a month. A month and they decided fancy house that Mitchell feels good in doesn’t matter. Who has it out for him? Which writer screwed Mitch over? He was just starting to feel like the house is encouraging his talents and he painted a mural that’s just gong to get taken down by the next residents. It’s not like Cam was falling off, he got promoted to vice principal season 10, he can be relied on for school theatre productions, so he has things to do that encourage his talents. And wasn’t the whole chicken thing just enforcing Cam not liking even small farm work? They went to that store so they could have a taste of farm life while not going there entirely.

I get wanting to have the whole ‘separate ways’ thing, but why not leave that to the newer adult generation aka Dunphy kids and Manny. And it’s not like Jay and Gloria were moving to Colombia, just going to the summer (maybe so Colombia doesn’t come to Jay). Haley and Dylan just moved 10-ish minutes from the Dunphy house, they all lived in the same town. Despite Lily being 11/12 and probably in seventh grade, they could’ve had her mention an interest in a college in another state and tell her she still had high school to think about it which implies that she’ll go her own way eventually. I refuse to let Cam, who was called Jay’s son for the first time in six years, go off to Missouri and cause his family to be miserable. I hate that Jay and Claire didn’t even try to reason with or talk to them, just-next scene. The ending felt a bit rushed. I feel bad for hating on it because the actors loved the series and they did eleven years of it, but not all endings are great. Sarah Hyland didn’t feel ecstatic about her character’s ending and I can see that. 

It’s a sitcom, I get it, but they do tackle serious/darker issues sometimes and for all the rightful bashing Dede gets, they give Barb none. She admits what she did was wrong, then continued to do it. Dede blamed medication/Gloria’s existence, but at least didn’t kill her when she saw her pregnant and allowed Gloria to come to her wedding. Barb gets no excuse. Why does Cam recognize Dede’s toxic behavior and comment on it but allows his mother’s behavior to thrive? And why can’t anyone tell Merle? Do Barb and Merle just operate separately as if they’re parents but not a couple? Is Nana Tucker his mom because he was absent in both of her appearances, the second being her death, like where was he? He appeared once in s3, then in the wedding. Barry Corbin is still alive, so what happened? Was he busy for Nana Tucker’s funeral episode? We get zero actual time for his character and his last line, I can’t-he sounds like a muppet…seriously, “If he’s doin’ it, I’m doin’ it. You comin’ Barb” takes me out of the emotional scene for a moment. It still would’ve worked if Merle didn’t say anything and just went to walk his son down the aisle and Barb silently followed, it would’ve been just as sweet of a gesture to their son. Even though frick Barb. I’ve killed her off in three stories so far. I’m sure Celia Weston is at least a decent person even though the first close up wikipedia pic of her is a jumpscare, I don’t hate her, I hate Barb Tucker.

[zee-has-commitment-issues]

zee i’m BEGGING for your dark and mysterious backstory

*sigh*

Alright. I had to ask my girlfriend's advice, but alright.

Everyone settle in. Get some popcorn. This shit is long, and it is batshit. There are five people that know the entire story. Me, the other person it involves, my girlfriend, Dani, and my other best friend who we lovingly refer to on this blog as "the golden retriever." My therapist also knows, but we don't really count that. But that is it. That is everyone who has ever gotten to know.

There should probably be trigger warnings on this, but I don't even know what it could possibly be for. So like TW for mentions of suicide, inappropriate minor-adult relationships, death threats and probably a few other things.

I used to be very involved in the Harry Potter fandom. And some of the fandom still brings me comfort, and I do love a lot of the fan-made content that JK Trolling has nothing to do with. I, however, cannot consume Harry Potter content in the same way I used to after this story, and I'm sure you'll see why.

Now, if y'all were involved in the Harry Potter community on TikTok in 2020, you probably heard about Golden Boy. It was a Fred Weasley fanfiction, for those of you who have no idea what I am talking about. It was... explicit, to say the least.

It was a Fred Weasley sex novel. I'm not even going to try to sugarcoat it. It was a very explicit sex novel.

I heard about it through TikTok, like most people did. The author was named Samine, and she had a pretty decent following on TikTok (150K when I found her I think) and she had a very large reading (about 2 million people when I found it). It was kind of a trend on Harry Potter TikTok to read GB and record your reactions, so I did that. She liked the video and commented on it and that was the first time I interacted with Samine.

I was 16. She was 21.

It was during quarantine, so I didn't have much to do, so I started working on an art piece. I drew one of the original characters from her story. I sent it to her and said "hey I made this. You probably won't see this but thank you for the inspiration" and the whole thing, you know?

Well, she did see it, and that began my very long relationship with the author of Golden Boy.

She asked if she could post it on her Instagram, and add it to the beginning of her new chapter, and of course I said yes. She had almost 200k followers on TikTok and 40k on Instagram and 3 and a half million readers and I was sitting there with my 2000 followers, so of course I said yes. I did not expect the reaction I got. I gained a shit ton of followers overnight and people wanted more art, so I started making more.

Now, here's where it gets a little shady. Samine was 21. She asked me to lie about my age because of the nature of her story. Being the naïve little 16-almost-17-year-old that I was, I, of course, said yes. I told people I was 17 almost 18 for over a year.

I started getting some hate. People kept saying it looked like I was making my headshots on ArtBreeder, but we cleared it up quickly by posting a video of my process and it mostly went to rest. I still got some mean messages, but it wasn't too bad and Samine told me not to worry about it because she "got way worse."

It should have been a red flag, but alas.

After like 5 headshots (unpaid, even though they took 15 hours each, of course) she asked if I would be her official artist. And, again, I said yes without a second thought. We started an Official Golden Boy Art Instagram account, and we started getting followers on there. Her following grew on all platforms, her readership getting to about 14 million reads at some point, and mine was steadily growing as well. I was really excited.

At this point, "Zee" was born. I was going by my actual name, and it just wasn't working anymore. People were finding me, and my friends, and my family. It was uncomfortable. It was scary. I started going by Zee so fewer people would find that shit out about me, but it still happened and if you look back far enough on any of my social medias, you'll find my real name. People found my school. My High School. Someone called my school and pretended to be my mom.

Samine started talking to me about some really personal things. Her mental health, her issues with her family, her sex life. (again, I was underage the entire time I worked under Samine) We had a friendship, as well as a work relationship. Which, I suppose, is why I did thousands of hours of work for her unpaid. Each headshot could take anywhere from 15 to 30 hours and I normally charged for them, but I didn't with her, and they took up way too much of my time, so I couldn't really do commissions anymore. I didn't care. I had a following, and I was getting brand deals and it was super cool.

Then things started to take a turn. There were people who had found details in GB that were... less than politically correct. There were some racist undertones, some mlm fetishization, and some blurred lines of consent. Some of it could be explained away with author ignorance and at that point I was convinced I knew Samine enough to let her explain it all away.

That did not stop death threats to both of us and she got doxxed, but oh well.

She took the story down at 20M and started rewriting it. The whole time she was telling me about her mental health, her family drama, her sex life and romantic relationships. I would like to put here that she had a gf and was telling me every detail about how they sexted and shit. It wasn't uncomfortable at the time, but looking back, I want to smack myself across the face.

She reposted the fic after a rewrite, and it was met with mixed reviews. Some people were happy to have it back. Some people were still upset with Samine (FOR OBVIOUS AND VALID REASONS) and some people were just finding out about everything for the first time. And, once again, people found problems in Samine's writing. This time it couldn't be boiled down to ignorance. Because she had been told at this point. It wasn't ignorance anymore.

She was doxxed again. Hacked. Someone was like dead set on making sure she didn't have a platform (and honestly she probably shouldn't have had one). There were like "fandom wars" and stuff. People were defending Samine and people were ripping her to shreds. People were in my DMs every day saying shit and at one point I had to post something saying that I wouldn't be answering or reading any more of them because I was getting too many threats.

I was called... awful things. Things I cannot repeat here. I didn't have anything to do with the fic except the art and the "marketing" for the rewrite but I was friends with Samine, and that was close enough for them. It was really bad. My mental health suffered. But I was more focused on Samine's mental health because she had told me before that she was suicidal.

When Samine went offline for a few days at a time without notice, I was looking up obituaries for her hometown. That's how scared she made me for her. Every time something went wrong, or we disagreed, or I told her she did something ignorant, she brought up the fact that she was suicidal.

Please keep in mind I WAS SIXTEEN AND SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD.

So, one day, when I was with Dani and Golden Retriever, I got a text that say "{her real name} died. She killed herself last night." And I believed it. Because I didn't have any reason not to.

It became a really big thing. I had like 5,000 unanswered DMs when I opened Instagram (it had been a few hours because me, Dani and Golden Retriever were on a day-road-trip), the GB account was blowing up, someone was posting on Samine's account. I got in contact with a few of our other GB "team members" and let them know what was going on. Because I was the Official Artist, they believed what I told them.

THEN Samine's ex-gf texted me and was like "hey, the bitch isn't dead."

When I tell you Dani, Golden Retriever and I were baffled.

But, sure enough, she was posting on twitter all merry and shit. So I texted her on her actual phone instead of Instagram and she answered. I'd spent like 12 hours crying into Dani's shoulder about this bitch being dead and she literally wasn't. She was alive. She was fine.

Samine pretended she didn't know what was going on. She said she got hacked (by a stalker she had conveniently never told me about before). She had me post her statements to the Official Account while she "worked on getting her account back."

Samine eventually "got her accounts back" but decided the drama surrounding GB wasn't worth it and she abandoned the fic. She abandoned her account. She abandoned me.

Turns out: BITCH NEVER HAD A HACKER OR A STALKER. SHE FAKED HER OWN DEATH. FAKED HER RESURRECTION TOO.

She left me alone to deal with the fallout of it all. I still get hundreds of DMs a week asking about if GB is coming back. I have abandoned the GB account, mostly abandoned my original account from before GB and cut ties with all things Harry Potter.

I literally cannot watch Harry Potter anymore. It sends me into a panic. It hurts me. I also don't make art anymore. It feels wrong. For a very long time, I also didn't write because Samine had convinced me that I would never write as good as she did.

I know I didn't do anything, really. I was a kid, and I was being manipulated, just like all of her followers were. I still feel extremely guilty for being part of something that hurt so many people.

I don't know how the fuck I managed to get through it. I was seventeen and receiving death threats for drawing pretty pictures. I was seventeen and reading explicit private messages from a 21/22 year old. I was seventeen and lying about my age so people wouldn't call her out about her inappropriate relationship with me.

I made a few good friends from it. I met my gf because of it. I am literally bonded for life with Dani and Golden Retriever because they are equally traumatized from the day that we all thought Samine had "died."

I find the good in it because it's all I have.

At the height of GB I had about 15k followers on Instagram (more on tik tok and other platforms). I'm down to about 2k now on the Instagram I use, and I am more than happy with that.

So, when someone said earlier that I was "famous" and I said no it is because I know what it's like to be an "influencer" in a fandom, and this is not it. When asked if I would start drama for fun, and I said no, it is because I've dealt with that shit before against my will and it is not fun.

That is my dark fandom past. I feel guilty for it, even though I shouldn't. I'm fucking traumatized from some of the dms I got over the year and a half I was working on that fic.

Overall, YR is better. My 1000 unhinged tumblr followers are better. I am very content to never do a brand deal again.

[kyanitedragon]

My Thoughts On Digimon Survive

[Spoilers for the entire game plot, as well as the Moral Route ending!]

[Spoiler-Free Version Here!]

I didn't get anyone's megas, which kinda sucked, but it gives me something to aim for in my next playthrough!

I’m so amused by the fact that I got everyone to Ultimate (aka Perfect) level, except for Kaito, who was stuck at Champion the entire game. And even then, he joined the gang already having Champion unlocked! That was not me who unlocked it! And during the final battle, Sangloupmon died and the other kids' ultimates survived, so Kaito was also the only one who didn't get a cutscene pep talk.

I had higher affinity with Ryo (who, y'know, died the earliest) than I did with Kaito the entire game! Ryo's was 26; Kaito's was 17!

The fandom's been bullying Shuuji and meanwhile I'm over here bullying Kaito 😂

The (moral route) ending of the game was so funny to me. The gang basically starts a cult. Pretty sure they said more or less they’re starting a new religion, like??? Definetly not what I was expecting.

The game canon is 2020. The religion of Kenonogami turned out to be Digital World. Only post-game are they finally calling it The Digital World and the creatures Digital Monsters. And that’s just “maybe it’ll catch on…”, not even definitive. Just imagining a digimon crossover featuring Survive would be so funny. Tai’s gang from 1999 especially would be so confused that it took 21+ years for the survive universe to coin the words "digital world" and "digital monsters".

Also just. Imagine THIS is someone’s first intro to the Digimon series. They would be SO CONFUSED going into anything else digimon. It’d be hilarious.

I had gotten spoiled on the circumstances of Shuuji's death so that wasn't a shock to me. But I thought the idea was really interesting! A digimon harming and killing their partner was a concept I had wondered about, and long-accepted that it would never get covered in the actual digimon series for being too dark. And now, here we have an example! It was terrible, in a really intruiging way!

Similarly, the next chapter dealing with the kid's understandable fear of their digimon was incredibly interesting! Saki's discussions with Floramon in particular were my favorite. She was so blunt and honest and insensitive about fearing Floramon, and it was entirely understandable.

My only issue is that I wish that there was some nuance in why Lopmon lost control. It didn't feel right that no one brought up that Shuuji had been verbally and physically abusing Lopmon.

I wish we got just a line or two to explain the kid's reasoning. Maybe just the kids wondering at what level of anger or outrage a digimon could lose control. Who's to say an arguement or disagreement couldn't trigger it? They knew nothing about how digimon or digivolution worked at that point.

I thought it was really interesting how, the entire game all digimon are constant and real threats to all the human characters. That's something that's rarely, if ever, brought up in prior digimon media. And it was so fascinating to me - because its so true! Digimon are on such a different power level than humans, and so it means so much more when the human characters sacrifice themselves to protect their digimon partners.

I was not expecting Akiharu, "Haru", and Miyuki to have such large roles, or to love their characters as much as I did, but I was very pleasantly surprised!

I was really excited to see that Takuma and Akiharu ended up basically being jogress partners. We've never seen such an age gap before, and I think its really cute! I'd love to see Akiharu's mentor / paternal / grandfatherly role to the gang and especially Takuma explored more.

I'm a fan of very unconventional relationships in fiction, and so Haru and Miyuki's relationship ended up being one of my favorite things. It's so cute how he still treats her like his older sister despite being 50 years older now, and its very cute how he needs to catch her up on what's changed in the human world.

Between Haru and Miyuki and the main survive kids, there's so much potential for cute age gap and generational gap interactions! I'm really hoping to see some of that in fanworks! Let them be a really strange found family!!!

[firelxdykatara]

You realize that when people call Zutara fans "toxic" they mean you 90% of the time right... and it ain't because you hate aang and mai, sis. You're just extremely rude and shitty to people and never mentally aged past 7th grade and take it out on all the actual teenagers that interact with you

A few things:

If I'm so rude and shitty to people as a general rule, one wonders how it is you even saw my (totally innocuous and not really deserving this level of vitriolic response unless you have a vested interest in reading everything I say and do in the worst faith imaginable, but I digress) post, since surely you would have had me blocked by now, to avoid potential interactions? Curious.

'never mentally aged past 7th grade' is a very funny allegation, considering I'm not the one camped in someone's inbox yelling at them completely unprovoked, which strikes me as far more middle school-esque behavior.

If I'm the worst form of 'toxicity' you have encountered in this fandom, then count yourself lucky, you absolute fucking walnut. I've gotten sent death and rape threats for mild Aang criticism, and I've been accused of horrible things for the crime of enjoying the most vanilla ships imaginable, nevermind what gets flung at me for my spicier entertainment--believe me, if the worst you've experienced is me being 'rude' to people, you have it easier than most!

And as a final point: I've only been active in the atla fandom proper since 2018 or thereabouts. The fanwars and fandom hostility were legendary long before I ever watched the show, nevermind became involved in the fandom. And in my experience, the toxicity with which the fandom is currently rife didn't really start picking up speed until 2020--when atla got put on Netflix, and the former VLD fans caught wind of it and brought that brand of vitriol with them, for which I definitely wasn't responsible.

Anyway, considering the fact that I reserve my snippiness for assholes, I'm not really taking your wank all that much to heart. I will happily engage in meta discussions and disagree with people who are fandoming in good faith, but yeah, I'll be an asshole to crosstaggers and people who attack me or my friends first--that's just how I'm built.

Luckily, this is tumblr, and if you never want to see or hear from me again? The block button is right there.

[takesuhigher]

Poor Mini Boy is afflicted with the tears and the sniffles and sneezing. He's wants God to bless him.

This is like some ET stuff going on. The movie, where ET and Eliot are connected.

Okay, obviously I don't actually know if that's true.

WHICH IS WHY IT WOULD BE HELPFUL TO KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH!!!

Apparently death isn't a line he won't cross to get a message across the line.

And that is OUTRAGEOUS.

Death LOVES peanut butter and I just happen to have a whole glob of it named Neowise. She arrived via comet back in 2020. And wouldn't you believe I'm actually starting to wonder if that is exactly what happened.

And where did The Weeknd come from? Where is his litter? Who is his mom? None of these things have made any sense. And it is like our house has been flooded. Gosh. I just wanted me and my family to be happy in a nice house as a family.

You should've just gotten a job.

Job?

The devil was here today.

My mom's been saying Ya. And we'd leave a fun little time where I would say Ya back. And then I asked her if she new what Jesus' name in Hebrew is and she said Yahweh and I pointed out to her that it's like she's been saying half of his name when she says Ya and that I'll say Way when she says Ya. So we had a cute fun time with that a couple times. And then yesterday (Tuesday) she said Ya so I said Way and she got mad. She accidentally said Ya again (bc she's made it a habit for some reason) and so I said Way and she got super mad. And right before this we were having a good time.

The enemy slips in so easily.

And I would imagine if someone thought someone was a threat, that someone could ruin their life and this good thing they got going on, that they would look upon that person in a very negative light. Or perhaps in no light at all. That person would be malevolent rather than benevolent, in their eyes.

At least my room is clean.

[deuce-duce]

BORN IN BABYLON

For I’m Not Done Yet a...lot has happened since the last time we spoke but I wanted to reassure you I’m still alive and well amidst the the death threats that I receive on a daily basis. HA! Some times I wonder if its all really worth it and then I think hmmm you know what, I think it is... look at how many millions of dollars just grossed from the Netflix series Dahmer. Where does that money go to....? DAHMER??!! I really hope not, I hope the money goes to the families of his victims. I don’t know about you but I couldn’t watch the series because of how true it rings in my own life, but if I knew the money was going to go to the victims families... I just might stomach it. All I’m saying is a man who conned the entire world into persecuting his brother, is a story I believe deserves to be told, and if not from the person who lived through it all then WHO?! 33 is Free for Amazon Unlimited go Check that Shit Out 3.33 to purchase (harmless promo there HA!) 

I wouldn’t really care about promoting my book, if I could find a job to pay my bills but it seems overly coincidental that nobody even responds... I think in the last year I have had three interviews all of which I never hear anything back from... even though they say I’m going to be called about a second interview... (nope) People will have me come in for interviews, just to make fun of me and waste my time... oh well maybe one day.

It seems like the more I do these days the more they talk and I think I should give you a couple updates. currently I’m working on book 2 of 3. I tried fitting everything into one book but it just wouldn’t be possible. Book 2 is in the final stages and has been changed multiple times by some else’s hands... (elaborate at another time. I’m hoping to get it published soon but I’m not from Russia, so I wont be Russian! This project has presented a lot of different problems/challenges which have only encouraged my growth. When I see my growth as a writer I’m impressed with how much has changed/improved since my first Tumblr scribble... HA! I don’t know how many of you have gotten a pirated copy of 33 but I would be fool to believe that there aren't any out there (I hope you enjoy). In my brief description I said I would have book II completed by 11/11/22 but it didn’t feel right rushing through to meet a deadline. On multiple avenues I was being told to slow down (Slow Down Nahko and Medicine for the People) played over and over. Then I was watching an Eminem interview on YouTube shorts and they asked him if he could have done anything differently what would it be?! He said he should have slowed... down... and at that point I knew it was time to turn out some quality and take my time like The Dirty Heads on Midnight Control (FIRE)!! After I slowed down and stopped rushing to meet my deadline Slow Down stopped playing. So It will be out when its ready “Ask Me Will I Stop?!” MIND BLOCK (Stick Figure Feat. Eric Rachmany) 

Now today of all days, but... it may have been tomorrow or maybe even yesterday that I made a commitment to the creator to abstain from my vices and change my ways. It’s been 2 years and I cant believe how much has changed since that cold dark day on quarantine in the basement of a homeless shelter. I remember the date because it was right after I watched the live performance by Tribal Seeds on YouTube (Live: The 2020 Sessions). I’m beyond grateful for the changes I have made and have never been happier! I will elaborate more on this in Book III but it really was a turning point in my life. Thank you to those who read for I Get the Feeling that there’s More Like Me... 🎶🎵🎼

LOVE & PEACE

PS. I did create a Instagram Check it out @officially_deuce_duce, some interesting shits on there... take care of yourselves... Until next time!

[aftgficrec]

Also!! A serving of street/underground fighter/boxer Neil please! Either complete or recently updated? I've gotten hooked on way too many abandoned works haha. Thanks again. :)

Street fighter or boxer!Neil is quite a rarity, it seems. Most of what we found is incomplete, and nothing very recent, so we widened the search to gladiators and vigilantes (hope you don’t mind!). Also included are some works featuring street fighter Andrew. - S

Street fighter/boxer!Neil:

peeping through the curtains (im sure theyre out to get me) by auotn [Rated T, 3726 words, complete, 2020]

It wasn't an unusual thing for Neil, who claimed to go on runs at night, to return home at 2-3 in the morning looking like he just got thrown to hellhounds and had to crawl through a field of nails to get back.

(or an au where neil is mad and needs an outlet)

tw: violence, tw: blood

Plaster by corns [Rated M, 24562 words, complete 2018]

Neil hasn't been to the megacity NYC since he was a child, but since gaining word of his father's disappearance over the border, now is Neil's chance to disappear to England for good. To get there, though, he has a few more plays to do—rigging his next boxing match, and a little more than pickpocketing.

tw: blood, tw: violence, tw: injury

Matt Boyd and Neil Josten bromance feat. boxing by @tell-me-your-vision [tumblr, 2019]

When Matt is set to graduate and leave, Neil is understandably concerned

Gladiators:

Together, they jumped by elawless [Rated M, 18227 words, complete, AFTG Reverse Big Bang 2019]

Neil josten was raised Nathaniel wesninski, the son of the Exocutioners for the Moriyama empire until his mother stole him away before a deathmatch against Riko Moriyama.

No matter how far he runs or how many times he changes his name, he will never be able to outrun his past. With the help of a league of assasins and gladitors up north, Neil once again may have a fighing chance at life.

tw: violence, tw: minor character death

NB: Gladiator art prompt by @hi-raethia

Champion by soulswimmr [Rated T, 21819 words, complete, 2018]

" The crowd roars even as Neil struggles to stay conscious. He won the battle, but there's no pride in it, because as long as he wins, he is still Nathaniel Wesninski to the world, and he is still The Butcher’s gladiator."

tw: violence, tw: blood

Vigilantes:

stars may collide by broship_addict, llheji [Rated M, 20664 words, complete, AFTG Big Bang 2018]

Moonlighting as Abram, member of the city's crime-fighting Foxes, Neil is doing a very bad job at staying under the radar. He's busy enough between his friends, patrol, and bickering with Andrew at work, but with the Ravens gang finally within reach and the reappearance of the Monster, he might have bitten more than he can chew.

(Or, how both Neil and Andrew accidentally fall in love with the same person twice. Lame.)

tw: violence, tw: gun violence, tw: death, tw: torture, tw: blood/gore, tw: nonconsensual sexual touching, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: murder, tw: sexual harassment, tw: referenced car accident, tw: implied/referenced drug use

NB: Art for this fic by @llheji here

Boxer/cage fighter Andrew:

Vinculum by Stjosten [Rated T, 5217 words, complete, 2020]

It is an unbreakable bond. One that keeps them both tethered.

tw: implied/referenced abuse

united under kingdom, and unto each other by papencuts [Rated M, 2099 words, complete, 2019]

“Can you imagine what this would do the crown? Backwater boxing matches, associating with drunkards, and criminals… These bruises, Andrew, gods… People are going to think I beat you.”

“No one is going to think that. It’s almost assumed that you like me to beat you.”

Incomplete works:

This is What We Do (We Nightmare You) by Fallon_SF [Rated E, 15373 words, incomplete, last updated Aug 2020]

In a future where illegal beast fights are the most prominent form of urban entertainment and arena owners preside like slum lords, the Monsters are an unknown threat. But Andrew and his team are fighting for more than just money and fame.

Meanwhile, the son of one of the most ruthless arena owners is hoping to fight for his own place in the world. As he tries to drag himself out from under his father's thumb, he finds a home among an unlikely group of people.

aka, a sci-fi au based off of Sonnie's Edge from the Netflix series Love, Death + Robots.

tw: violence, tw: blood/gore, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon

Fight by thegirlwiththeprettybrowneyes [Rated M, 9581 words, incomplete, last updated Feb 2020]

There weren't a lot of lines that Neil refused to cross. He lied. He stole. He killed when necessary. There was one line that Neil had promised himself that he would never let himself be pushed over.

Neil refused to die in front of Riko Moriyama.

///////////////

Gladiator AU

tw: violence

heavy hearts by scorpionprince [Rated M, 6553 words, incomplete, last updated May 2019]

“When you allow a fox the privilege of a full stomach, he thinks he can face the wolf and live. We all know how that story ends. We’ll be leaving now, Nathaniel.”

AFTG Boxing AU.

Nathaniel was sold to the Moriyama's to be a fighter, not an Exy player. Kevin leaves their team to train with the Foxes after his hand is broken, and the task of playing up the Fox/Raven rivalry is left to Nathaniel.

Will he run with wolves, or lie with foxes?

tw: abuse, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: knives, tw: blood, tw: drug use

Fight For You by maximilii [Rated M, 16639 words, incomplete, last updated 2017]

Seventeen-year old Neil Josten is living in a warehouse. Again. Hiding from his father, Neil makes his sole mission survival. But sometimes survival isn't enough. Fortunately, some strangers give Neil another chance to do the one thing that makes him feel alive. Fighting.

OR

An AU where Neil can both start a fight and finish one.

tw: violence

Art

Matt teaches Neil to box by @jamieboya [tumblr, 2021]

[haileygarciasunshine]

Leather and Lace

Pairing: Brian O’Conner x Fem!Reader

Written: December 16th, 2020

Posted: December 17th, 2020

Word Count: 1,767

Warning: Mentions of violence, drugs, street racing, blood.

Requested: Yes!

Summary: Being Dom's best friend you were always there to get him out of trouble. Things become complicated after Letty's death, and the threat of Braga looming. (Based on FastFour)

Brian O’Conner Masterlist

"Hello?"

"It's Dom-"

"I'll be right there."

Once the phone call ended, you raced around your room grabbing any article of clothing that could fit in your duffle bag. Sighing, you knew something big had to be going on if you were getting a call about Dom. He always tried to keep you out of whatever job he was doing, often claiming his world wasn't for you.

Growing up, you befriended Letty. She was quick to become your best friend. Letty was the one to introduce you to your love of cars. It was something that you were both able to bond over while allowing you to spend a lot of time together. After a while, she introduced you to her guy friend Dominic. From that moment on, the three of you were inseparable.

Dom was quick to take on the father role in your life. He had insisted that you go to college since the rest of them didn't. He didn't want you to end up in their world and wanted you to make something of yourself. After months of discussion, you decided to go to college. It was only a few hour drive away from home. Dom had rarely called you when he was in trouble as he didn't want you to get distracted from your studies. Whenever you were home for the summer's Letty and Dom, taught you all about street racing.

Shaking your head you cleared your mind from the memories as you continued scurrying around your room. Grabbing your black leather jacket, you threw on a crop top before lacing up your boots.

Making your way to your apartment door, you gazed around as the thought of not knowing when you were coming back, crossed your mind. Living in your apartment had never been your home. You always considered wherever you were with the crew to be your home.

Shutting the door, you bounded down the stairwell, before you crossed the threshold to the parking garage. Opening your car door, you tossed your duffle bag inside, before climbing in. Your car was a black Dodge Charger that Dom had gotten you as a going-away present.

Pressing the gas with one foot, you kept your other on the brake. The sound of your engine bounced off the cement walls. Your heart began pumping faster, as a giddy feeling bubbled up. It had been a while since you were able to drive as you had with the crew.

---

In no time, you pulled into the crew's hangout. Making your way to the area where everyone was, you could hear the familiar voice of Roman echoed off the walls.

As you walked through the threshold, everyone's eyes moved to you. Grinning you looked at your friends.

"Hey, guys."

"Y/N!" Tej exclaimed, his voice filled with excitement. Rushing towards you, he wrapped his arms firmly around your waist, before lifting you off the ground as he twirled around.

The sound of your giggles filled the air.

"I've missed you, Y/N." He spoke placing you back on your feet. Pulling away he kept his hands on your waist.

"I've missed you too, T." You grinned.

"Let the poor girl go, Tej." Roman's voice rang through your ears.

Giggling you turned toward his voice.

"Don't worry, I missed you too." You giggled, throwing your arms around his shoulders before pulling him into a tight hug.

"Nice to see you, Pipsqueak."

You groaned before rolling your eyes.

"Oh, this is Brian," Tej spoke from behind you, gesturing to the dirty blond in front of you. His piercing blue eyes were the first thing you noticed.

"Brian this is Y/N." He introduced.

"So you're the Y/N, I've heard so much about." His husky voice whirled in your ears, as he extended his hand.

"And you're the FBI street racer, I've heard about." You sassed, ignoring his hand before you made your way towards Mia.

As you walked past Brian, you didn't miss the frustrated sigh that passed his lips.

Once you were caught up on what had happened, you were overwhelmed with sadness. Letty had taken on a motherly role for you, she was someone you trusted with your life, someone you could go to with anything.

"I'm sorry." You quickly excused yourself, as your vision became blurred by tears that were threatening to fall.

Rushing out, you had barely made it before a sob raked through your body. A pair of firm hands gripped your shoulder turning you around. You were face to face with the new crew member, Brian. At that moment you didn't care. Propelling yourself into him, you cried into his shoulder, as he wrapped his firm arms around your waist. One of his hands began moving up and down your back in an attempt to soothe you.

"It'll be okay." He muttered in your ear.

"How can you say that?" You asked not bothering to remove yourself from the crook of his neck.

"Because he has you." He spoke softly. "With you by his side, he can overcome anything."

As you let his words sink in, fireworks erupted in your stomach.

---

After that moment, you and Brian had grown closer than you expected. While you were becoming closer, you were developing feelings for the cop.

"It's someone named Braga," Dom spoke, his voice hollow.

Flinching you nodded. Dom had planned to win a street race for a chance to speak with Braga. A new drug lord was in town. With each passing day of Letty's death, Dom became someone you didn't know.

Sighing, you often confided in Brian about your feelings causing you to spend more and more time with him. He was quickly becoming someone you trusted.

"I have to go with him." You spoke standing up from the couch.

"Y/N, it's too dangerous," Brian spoke quickly standing, his voice filled with concern.

Whirling around, you turned to face him. Fury coursing through your body.

"Don't tell me it's too dangerous." You spat. "Would you tell the guys that?"

Brian sighed before frowning.

"Exactly." You shook your head.

"I just... I just don't want you to get hurt."

You raised an eyebrow at him. "Again, I ask, would you tell one of the guys that?"

He frowned in response.

"Exactly." You huffed crossing your arms over your chest. "Why are you so against me doing this? I'll be with Dom."

"I care about you!" He exclaimed as his voice was full of frustration. "Dom, isn't really, Dom at the moment." He ran a hand along his face.

---

"This is the hangout. Braga is around here somewhere." The man spoke as he lead the small group of people out of the elevator.

Darting your eyes around the room, you attempted to search for Dom or Brian. Both of them were here after the street race, neither expected you would show up.

A sigh of relief fell from your lips as you spotted them both at the bar.

"I'll take a beer." You muttered to the bartender.

Making your way to the opposite end of the bar, you took a seat beside Brian. Immediately both men's eyes fell upon you.

"Y/N." Dom hissed. "What do you think you're doing?" He moved promptly to the other side of you, so you were boxed in between them.

You shrugged before taking a swig of your beer. "The same thing you guys are."

"Do you have any idea-"

"You think I'd let my best friends do something stupid without me?" You questioned with a raised eyebrow.

You didn't miss the blush that made it's way to Brian's cheeks.

Dom scoffed. "Don't be stupid. Go home."

"No." You spoke in a firm voice.

It was Dom's turn to raise an eyebrow.

"It's not up for discussion," Dom spoke.

"Exactly." You challenged not breaking eye-contact.

Dom let out a frustrated huff. "Whatever."

---

Braga had decided to allow you and Brian to do the job along with Dom. As you sat in your cars inside the semi-truck, you couldn't help but feel uneasy. Glancing around the truck, you felt an intense pair of eyes on you. Dom was staring back at you. His expression was unreadable.

The small team that Braga had assembled, was driving through country roads in Mexico. Once the team had gotten the items, you were driving through the desert to the board that separated the United States and Mexico. Everyone was ordered to stay information while driving. It was pitch black out when they had decided to make the move.

Gisele's voice began becoming frantic as the team was spotted on the border patrol's camera's. It quickly became a race against time. Your heart began beating rapidly at the realization that you might get caught, knowing deep down that you were transporting drugs for Braga.

Once the team pulled into the small area in the mountains, everyone got out of their cars. In a matter of minutes, one of the minions for Braga had pulled a gun out threatening to shoot Dom.

Dom started his car on fire, causing the rest of the cars to start on fire.

The small explosion making everyone fly to the ground. You hit the ground with a muffled thud. As you were flung to the ground, you hit your head causing a small amount of blood to trickle down your face.

"Y/N!" Dom and Brian yelled in unison as they frantically searched for you.

Groaning, you pushed off the ground, before standing up. "I'm here."

Dom rushed towards you, pulling you in for a bone-crushing hug. One of his hands cradled your head, as he placed a gentle kissed on your head.

"I'm sorry, kid." He muttered into your hair.

Brian was quick to pull you in for an unexpected hug. His hug caught you off guard as fireworks erupted in your stomach. Nuzzling his shoulder you inhaled his sent, as comfort and security washed over you allowing you to close your eyes.

Pulling away from his slightly, you gazed upwards at him taking in his ocean eyes. Brian leaned in slightly as if testing the waters. Leaning up towards him, your lips collided. The kiss was short and sweet.

Gasping slightly, you jumped away from him as you realize Dom was around.

"Dom-" You turned to face him.

"So my two best friends, huh?"

A grin made it's way to your lips as you felt heat rise in your cheeks. Turning to face Brian, he was mirroring your expression. Dom threw his arms around your shoulders before he pulled you both away from the firey scene.

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[iammarriedtothemusic]

Skin by Sabrina Carpenter Deserved Better

No, but the internet literally watered down Skin into this catty and petty response / diss track when it is anything but.

It’s literally a song about Sabrina’s feelings and a universal message of how she did let some of the hate she got for the past few years into her skin (because that’s just normal human response) but that you can actually cope with it-  and the fact that people misinterpreted the message entirely and dubbed it as her dragging down a minor is so dumb.

I bet you if you listen to Skin outside the drama, it’s literally a good song. 

Because it is. 

I had a friend who had no idea of the drama whatsoever and when I let him listen to the song, he interpreted it as a song about dealing with hate. 

This is also evident in reaction videos where the reactors have no idea of the drama- they interpret it as a song about dealing with hate.

Because it’s a song dealing with hate.

You guys say it was a by-and-by response to Olivia’s driver’s license and/or Olivia herself and that’s just stupid because majority of Skin was written in 2020, before dl was even released.

Sabrina did add a few things to the song addressing the hate she got from dl, but nothing against dl or Olivia. 

Like you can point out the “blonde is the only rhyme” but even with that, it could be directed to people sending her hate because they assumed the blonde in dl was her.

Because blonde was literally just a rhyme in dl but some people took it way too seriously and immediately sent death threats to Sabrina for it.

That’s not fucking okay. 

The most controversial take is the chorus- like everyone keeps saying Sabrina was being immature by rubbing it in O’s face but no?

Before this entire drama, Sabrina was dating this guy:

No one likes this guy.

Everyone hates this guy. As they should.

But at the time Sabrina was dating him, she also got a traction of hate. 

It’s much more sane to assume that the chorus was about Griffin than Sab’s message to O about Joshua, especially considering that again, most of Skin was written in freaking 2020. 

Also, yes, maybe you could argue that some lines were written about Olivia- like the bridge- but the bridge is literally nice?

I just hope that one day/ we both can laugh about it/ when it’s not in our face/ don’t have to dance around it / don’t drive yourself insane / it won’t always be this way

Although I never really took it as a message for Olivia because if anything, it would make more sense to assume that it was Sabrina’s message for herself.

Because she did admit that the hate she got had gotten under her skin.

Girl was struggling with her mental health for the past year and so.

Skin is just a really nice song- as someone who was a victim of cyberbullying/bullying/hate crime it really resonated to me.

Everyone who keeps saying this was a new low for Sabrina or that they’re a carpenter but skin is her worst song is not a fan at all?

Skin is not a bad song.

The fact that everyone squeezed it into the drama narrative and tried to see it as a response to dl when it literally is so much more than that is so stupid.

Also, another reason why Skin is not a diss track or a shade to anyone- have you even listened to Sabrina Carpenter?

Because Sabrina literally makes the shadiest songs like ever-

If she intended Skin to be one, she would’ve definitely used a more upbeat track and melody and went with a genre other than a synth-pop ballad.

Sue Me was shady. Take You Back was shady. 

Hell, Looking at Me is a song about self-confidence but it’s a lot more shadier than Skin will ever be.

Because Skin is not a shade. It is not a diss track, a response, or whatever narrative you want to push through.

(Plus, when Sabrina shades in her songs, she goes all the way. For example, in Sue Me, the bridge was “I guess I’m hard to ignore/ Pick up your jaw off the floor”, that bridge in skin wouldn’t have existed if it was a diss track.)

If you listen to Skin with the drama in mind, then I can see why you would hate it. But try to listen to it without thinking it’s a bitchy response and I doubt you’ll think about it.

At least, you’ll see it as radio-friendly pop song, not your type (which is fine)- but you can def vibe with. 

Skin is an amazing song but the fact that most of the internet has pushed a song about a young girl coping with the hate she got as the trigger to slutshame her, send her death threats- literally invalidating the point of the song-

That’s just very fucked up. 

Stream Skin-

Stan Sabrina Carpenter for clear SKIN

[ladyloveandjustice]

Fall 2020 Anime Overview

I started out watching the a ton of anime for the Fall 2020 season, but then ended up not being caught up with most of them by the the time the end rolled around. I still pretty much intend to catch up with Yashahime Princess Half Demon someday (I do like the three leads, it just the plot’s been dull as dirt and the fights aren’t very inspired either) and though I dropped Wandering Witch after bad press started rolling in (I CANNOT deal with pointless tragedy in my current state of mind) I might check out a few more episodes someday just to from my own opinion. For now, let’s just quickly review the anime I DID manage to finish on time this season.

Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle

Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle is exactly what it says on the tin: Princess Syalis isn’t too bothered about being captured by demons and locked in their castle, but she does value a good night’s sleep, and she is absolutely ruthless when it comes to getting it- so ruthless, in fact, that the demons realized it might not be that she’s trapped in here with them, but that they’re trapped in here with her.

Sleepy Princess is top tier comedy comfort food. It rarely got a huge belly laugh, but it always but a smile on my face and was a great thing to watch before going to bed. Syalis’s single-minded search for some shut eye is a joke that could have gotten old very quickly, but the show consistently found creative ways to expand on the gags and build it’s world and a fun cast of characters along the way. 

Though Syalis is downright brutal to the demons when it comes to getting what she wants (and has a knack for getting herself killed at well), thanks to a demon cleric that offers easy resurrections, you never feel too bad for anyone involved. In fact, the demons and Syalis form a strangely heartwarming bond over the course of the show , and it’s clear by the end that Syalis definitely has the ability to come and go if she damn well pleases and just finds this castle a fun place where she can find respite from her princessly responsibilities. 

A nice bonus for those of us who like a little subversion is that the show has a lot of fun playing with standard adventure tropes- the demons often lament that Syalis is not at all what they expected from a captive princess, for one, but my favorite fun little twist is how Syalis feels about the hero currently on a (seemingly endless) quest to rescue her- she manages to both hold him in contempt AND consistently fail to remember his name. That level of disregard takes some impressive effort.

The show has the same director as the Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun anime and as such has a similarly nice comic and visual flourishes throughout. It definitely gets two sleepy thumbs up for me.

Jujutsu Kaisen

Jujutsu Kaisen follows a young man named Yuuji Itadori who, after tangling with a demon, ends up with one inside him. With a death sentence hanging over his head, he’s inducted into a school for “jujutsu sorcerers”, and begins training to use his newfound powers to defeat demons and curses.

Jujutsu Kaisen quickly tells you on no uncertain terms it is Action Shonen, introducing a huge cast of a characters and powers and super high stakes and hey there’s even gonna be a tournament arc soon. It is really, really pretty to look at, with a killer opening and ending, some seriously great animation and cool visuals for the fights especially. But is it particularly memorable otherwise? Noooooot really, so far. The sea of technobabble it tends to descend into when trying to explain how the various powers work often has me zoning out and wishing they’d just let me watch the pretty punches. The villains and the general plot isn’t particularly compelling. The characters are nice enough, but haven’t given me much to be attached to so far. Though I do appreciate this one dude who is the embodiment of millennial ennui:

I’ll keep watching though, because it is a visually stunning, action-y thing to my turn your brain off to and god knows I want to turn my brain off all the time lately. 

And the characters do have potential- the One Girl of the main group, Nobara, has a really fun personality in that she’s a total shitlord doofus brawler who can thus doof around with our equally dumbass protagonist, which is an pretty fun, unusual personality for the One Girl to have! Her interactions with Maki, the weapons expert senpai girl, are promising too. I’m just waiting for her to actually, you know, DO something that really shows off her skills- I’m told she DOES eventually get to (gasp) win fights on her own and do cool stuff, but so far show has kind at that of failed miserably and underused her like most action shonen underuse their girls. Plus, taking Yuuji out of the group for such a long stretch seems like a weird choice, we’ve been deprived really seeing him for relationships with his peers. The pacing seems off. But maybe the upcoming tournament arc will make up for that and actually be worthwhile!

Talentless Nana

In a world where kids with superpowers are sent to island schools to fight mysterious “enemies of humanity”, one class of such kids is thrown into chaos when they find themselves targeted by a deadly force.

It’s pretty much impossible to talk about Talentless Nana without discussing how it deviates dramatically from what its premise appears to be in episode one, so I’ll just say if you like stories with superpowers and intrigue, you should definitely sit through that first episode and see if the plot that’s eventually revealed is something that you’re here for. But if you want to avoid spoilers, DON’T GO BELOW THE CUT, because I’m about to get very spoilery.

Basically, Talentless Nana pulls a bait and switch, starting it’s first episode posing as generic superhero anime where the protagonist appears to be your standard meek-but-powerful anime boy (Nanao) who just needs some support and encouragement from a pink haired mind reading manic pixie dream girl (Nana) to unlock his self-confidence and ~true power~ (ugh)...only to take SHARP swerve when  Nana ruthlessly murders Nanao and reveals she’s been sent by the government to take out the superpowered kids one by one because THEY are the considered the true enemies of humanity. Oh, and she doesn’t have any superpowers, or “talents”- she was just able to sus out everything Nanao was thinking through basic deductive reasoning because he was so flippin’ obvious and basic.

As my love for a certain character in a certain game may have clued people into, I am ALWAYS delighted when what appears to be a generic, underwritten girlfriend character is then revealed to be an interesting, ruthless mastermind. And having an anime appear to be about a bland boy with a Dream Girlfriend but then actually turn into a show about a deeply cynical, morally dubious girl who’s clearly holding down a lot of messy feelings as she considers everyone her enemy...well, it may be a cheap trick to some, but it also feels a little bit like justice for all the underwritten female characters sacrificed to bland male leads. It’s still rare enough that I dig it when it happens. And the metatext of Nana zeroing in on this kid as the most standard of main character boys, assessing him as the biggest threat because of it and knowing the perfect way to take him out, is pretty inherently funny to me.

But if the show JUST banked on that twist and was about Nana brutally and cynically slaughtering these kids, it would get boring quickly and Nana would be a bland character herself. Fortunately, it doesn’t go that route. Nana struggles and grows a lot over the course of the show. She finds opposition in transfer student Kyoya, a stoic (and socially awkward) young man who pretty quickly becomes suspicious of her. A lot of the tension from the early episodes comes from her sweating as she tries to outmaneuver him and she makes plenty of mistakes along the way. She also slowly but surely starts to question her mission, and we get an idea of her backstory and how the government specifically has groomed her into believing people with powers to be evil. That belief is one that’s challenged by her friendship with another girl, and it’s pretty rewarding to watch Nana’s feelings and world expand little by little.

The show is definitely a little schlocky-some of the plots (as well as the general premise of the government thinking this is the optimal way to get rid of their superpowered kids problem) fall apart if you think too much about them, and some of the kids Nana goes up against are sleazy and unlikeable in over the top ways (which makes it easy for her to stick to her convictions all these kids deserve to die at first). In particular, I have to give a heads up for some sleazy guys doing and saying sleazy things, though the show never gets too overbearing or graphic with it (and the gore is generally PG-13 level as well). 

Basically. There are some truly ridiculous happenings in this show. But how ridiculous and pulpy and over the top it is can be part of the appeal, and it’s fun to just sit back and watch the spectacle of Nana and her peers head-scratching machinations. 

So, while certainly not an anime with airtight construction or flawless quality and depth, I found Nana an overall entertaining watch, especially as a fan of cat-and-mouse murder-y shenanigans, and thought it has a very compelling main character and managed to end on a heartwrenching (but earned) note. I definitely wouldn’t say no to a second season and would be interested to see where things go from here.