#in the box of obsessive compulsive disorder

[weenhands]

the only time today i manage to let out a genuine smile is while watching return frank doing a silly little dance while onstage during vampire money <333 dilfs are the only things protecting this country

[disabled-sysboxes]

[TEXT ID: this system has severe OCD]

[IMG ID: a teal rectangular box with the ocd flag - a flag with 4 stripes, teal, white, light yellow, orange - with an icon of a head with a swirl in it to the left, with the text 'this system has severe OCD on the right.]

[TEXT ID: this system has severe OCD]

[IMG ID: a teal rectangular box with the ocd flag - a flag with 4 stripes, teal, white, light yellow, orange - with the text 'this system has severe OCD' on the right.]

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[greenqueenhightower]

Welcome to yet another episode of DISTURBING Things I Notice in HOTD:

Today’s installment is on bloodlust and dermatillomania (tw!) as expressed by our two key figures of the Dance, Rhaenyra and Alicent, and their similarities between Daemon and Criston respectively (pls bear with me on this).

First up, even though we have seen many scenes of bloodshed in the show, I want to mainly talk about the two scenes of bloodlust we have seen with Rhaenyra in episode 3 where she kills a boar, and with Alicent when she cuts Rhaenyra's arm at Driftmark.

Why, though, do I say bloodlust? Because it describes a desire for bloodshed and carnage, often aroused in the heat of battle or the moment, leading to uncontrolled slaughter and torture. The perfect example of this description is Criston's killing of Joffrey at Leanor's & Rhaenyra's wedding because it was moved by a desire for bloodshed further motivated by Criston's emotional turmoil, it was aroused in the heat of the moment because Joffrey provoked him, and, most importantly, he had lost control. This means that Criston is not generally like that; had he not lost control, he would not have performed the act.

The exact OPPOSITE is Daemon's cold-hearted killing of Vaemond: there was no underlying desire, the moment was not heated, nor was he personally attacked, and he did not display any loss of control. This means that he did not need any provocation to perform the act. In other words, bloodlust and bloodshed are in general part of Daemon's character.

I think that the analysis of these two extremes helps in understanding where Alicent and Rhaenyra lay in the spectrum of bloodlust.

Starting off with the scene at the hunt where she slays the boar, Rhaenyra ticks all the boxes for bloodlust: a desire for bloodshed because of the hunt, arousal in the heat of the moment because she was attacked by the beast, which then results in uncontrolled slaughter. Yet, that doesn’t seem to have any effect on Rhaenyra, as we see her walking back to the camp, completely drenched in blood. Her sight stuns and terrifies spectators, Alicent included, but Rhaenyra's detached attitude toward carnage resembles that of Daemon's. I am not saying that bloodshed and carnage are part of her character to the extent that they are a part of Daemon’s, but she and he both display a higher tolerance to the sight, thought and feel of the act.

Let's get now to the scene at Driftmark and the confrontation between Alicent and Rhaenyra. Alicent, too, ticks all three of the boxes for bloodlust at that moment: a desire for bloodshed because of the maiming of her son, arousal in the heat of the moment because her concerns are not taken seriously, and loss of control that results in obtaining the Valyrian steel dagger and cutting Rhaenyra's arm. However, Alicent shows how horrified she is that the situation has gotten out of control, and she drops the dagger. Later on, we see her remorse which mirrors Criston's, who wanted to commit suicide. They both understood the lengths of their actions and were devastated.

And what about Rhaenyra when she gets cut in that scene? She is once again oblivious to the pain, staring Alicent dead in the eyes which terrifies Alicent even more. I have a few reasons as to why.

First of all, Alicent suffered from dermatillomania growing up, which is a mental health condition where a person compulsively picks or scratches their skin, causing injuries or scarring. Also known as excoriation disorder or skin-picking disorder, this condition falls under the category of obsessive-compulsive disorders (OCDs) and can be triggered by anxiety. There are several scenes where we see that same anxiety permeate Alicent and her resort to dermatillomania, as early as episode 1 (this is where her brother Gwayne is fighting with Daemon):

What science says is that such behavior is anxiety-induced, a clinical condition, and even though she could stop it if she chose to, it is not that easy or simple. Alicent was addicted to the numbing pain as a relief from her anxiety but she loathed herself for its destructive nature. She was often made fun of it by her father who told her that she was "destroying herself." We see that as her confidence grew in the later episodes, and when she was released from the strenuous puppeteering of Otto, she was able to overcome the habit.

To my eyes, this is why it is shocking for Alicent to a) cause pain to Rhaenyra and b) to see Rhaenyra oblivious to such pain. The fact that Rhaenyra doesn’t even flinch, when Alicent hated herself for causing harm to her own body for years and when she already hates herself for losing her temper, confirms to her Rhaenyra’s absolute callousness. Yes, she, who lusts after what she wants and knows no limits, and whose ambition runs thicker than blood, does feel entitled to Aemond’s eye.

In fact, Alicent barely recognizes Rhaenyra at this moment. Alicent has just become afraid of herself, and of the newly discovered bloodlust she didn’t know she had, and seeing Rhaenyra show no reaction to the pain, Alicent becomes doubly afraid of Rhaenyra. The one who stares deeply into her eyes and shows her that she cannot hurt her. Who tells her that she can take in much more. Who is not like Alicent, to become consumed by pain. Rhaenyra is a warrior, and she is capable of showing her heartlessness when necessary. And that’s when Alicent understands that she doesn’t know Rhaenyra anymore. Alicent becomes even more afraid of her, and the person she has become. The person she could potentially turn into when provoked.

This is what absolutely terrifies yet humanizes Alicent, who already hated herself for causing injury to herself, and who hates herself now for causing injury to Rhaenyra. Yet Rhaenyra won't let her hurt or pain show like Alicent does, and she is used to causing injury without feeling anything; just like Daemon.

*added the coloring to keep track of the many lines of thought happening here

[scribbleseas]

Beyond the Walls, Chapter 2: Mother Nature

Description: It's the year 850.

You are a renowned scientist who narrowly saved the world from impending famine and malnourishment with a myriad of agricultural advancements after Wall Maria fell, surrendering acres of farmland to titans. However, your innovations are not quite enough to be a permanent solution, given that their yield rate is nowhere near ideal. Many are still starving, costs for bread and vegetables are still high, and refugee rations remain low

Convinced that the only sustainable answers can come from the natural world outside the walls, you implore Survey Corps Commander Erwin Smith to allow you to join his company’s ranks for their next expedition. His only condition? You must be trained in omni-directional mobility gear under Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, Captain Levi Ackerman, to qualify for the expedition as a soldier. Despite having no demonstrated prowess outside your trusty greenhouse, you willingly accept Erwin’s terms, desperate to prove your hypothesis. However, during your time with the Captain, you soon learn that there is more to the stoic and strong soldier that meets the eye, and instead, you have much more in common that you would have guessed. Not even you, a certified genius in the horticulture field, could predict the blossoming romance between you.

Is your commitment to saving humanity enough for you to endure extensive training under the scrutinizing Captain? Or will it be your unexpected feelings for him that ultimately distract you from your original experiment?

Content Warnings: Violence, gore, death, swearing, eventual kissing, eventual smut, human-eating titans, symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder

Author’s Note: Hi Everyone! This was sooooo overdue. That being said, though, please let me know how you feel about this one! Believe it or not, this is only my third time writing Captain Levi. I really hope he’s in character for you all. I’m probably going to try to post the next chapter of Straight Laced next, but since I started the Fall Semester at my university, I can’t give you a date estimate. Shit happens, unfortunately.

Another announcement, I know I said I was going to post a poll about my next Ciel story, but I actually the next one myself lol. But on the bright side, I know you’ll all like it.

Thank you so so much for reading and staying patient with my terrible date estimates. (I know I originally said September 3rd for this one…)

Well, as always, Happy Reading!

- Dan

“I can’t even begin to tell you how jazzed I was when Erwin said you’d be joining us,” Section Commander Hange Zoë’s grin was nothing but radiant, alight with hope. Their hand rested on your forearm amicably as you walked through the Survey Corps’ Headquarters. 

You and Hange were correspondents long before you started your first aeroponics prototype, about a decade ago. Hange was your colleague, watching your hypothesis about landless planting develop with rapt fascination. You studied together up until the moment they decided to join the Survey Corps and focus their scientific genius on understanding titans. Meanwhile, you decided to continue your studies, pursuing a certification as a medic and a focus on agronomy, the study and practice of soil and crop management. 

Even with the distance between your respective research, you kept well in touch. It was Hange’s frantic encouragement that inspired you to make your direct appeal to Erwin Smith. They referred to the Commander as a visionary before you ever had. 

Hange had met you at the main entrance and insisted that they were your tour guide for the day. At the same time, a team of cadets started to move your belongings, deaf to your protests. While most of your belongings were equipment for the greenhouse and your experiments, rather than personal items, there were still a great deal of heavy boxes that needed moving. You felt sorry for the cadets tasked with the activity— especially in this heat— but Hange seemed to think little of it, telling you to let the young kids get their energy out. 

They said it as if the two of you were approaching your fifties, rather than your thirties. 

The corner of your lips pulled upwards in an answering half-smile. “I know. I’ve missed you,” you admitted, taking in the expansive halls. The headquarters was an old regal castle in the countryside, the hallways lined with large windows that allowed the summer sun to stream in. Despite the antiquated architecture, the premises seemed to be extremely well taken care of, there was no hint of dust, nor one blade of unruly grass. In fact, it was so picturesque, that you suspected that no onlooker would think to assume it was a military headquarters and instead, assume it was a wealthy residence.

“Well, Y/n, as did I. That’s why I made sure Erwin made me your tour guide,” Hange exclaimed. “There are a few places I want to show you, some people I want you to meet…come this way!”

You walked with Hange obediently, content with following them around the base. The tour started with your private quarters (the cadets left all of your boxes on the floor next to your bed), continued to the base’s training areas, Hange’s office, your new greenhouse, and ended with the mess hall. As you walked, you shared greeting nods with soldiers who passed you around the base. Few people stopped to exchange words with you, sensing that you and Hange were in the middle of touring. Erwin likely debriefed his forces prior to your arrival, anyway. 

The mess hall was abuzz with soldiers in decently high spirits, much to your surprise. There was a monotone chatter around the room as soldiers ate their breakfast.

The Survey Corps served their meals cafeteria-style, the lines at the far side of the room long as everyone waited for their lightly salted oatmeal and a singular slice of bread. As you suspected, there wasn’t a piece of fruit or a vegetable in sight because the military insisted its men sacrificed their diets alongside their lives. While you doubted you could produce enough vegetation to give everyone a nutritional boost in such little time, some change was better than no change. The tables of soldiers you passed continued to track your movements with evident curiosity, sizing you up— wondering whether or not you were as great as your reputation imagined you were.

“Levi Squad, Miche, Moblit, this is my dear friend Y/n Y/l/n,” Hange announced proudly, stopping at a long table towards the far side of the mess hall— the furthest away from the line of hungry scouts. Populating the table were a number of men and one woman, each regarding you with varying levels of interest.

 “Y/n, this is the Levi Squad,” Hange gestured to the group of six soldiers— the Levi Squad consisted of soldiers Petra Ral, Oluo Bozado, Eld Gin, and Gunther Shultz. Miche Zacharius and Moblit Berner were also distinguished Survey Corps members; Miche was one of Hange’s fellow section commanders and Moblit was their research assistant. You were never one to enter a situation unprepared, so you took the liberty of reading through the Survey Corps’ major players. “Levi Squad: meet Y/n!”

“I’m Petra. It’s great to meet you,” Petra spoke first, quickly rising from her seat to give your hand a professional shake. “We’ve been reading about some of your work…not that we understand the technicalities of it, but…” she laughed, “for curiosity's sake, we try. We could never do what you do.”

I’m not sure I know how I do what I do, either, you wanted to admit. Your pride forced you to swallow the words down like a dry cracker. 

“The pleasure’s mine,” you responded, reciprocating the shake and the same greeting with Gunther and Eld.

“You both can sit next to me,” Petra offered, shifting to the end of the bench. Hange took the seat directly next to Petra. You took a seat between the section commander and the tall soldier you knew to be Miche. 

“Honestly, I don’t know how I’ll do what you all--” you started, cutting yourself off with a start as Miche took a long inhale, sniffing near the side of your neck. You hummed curiously, but he made no attempt to explain himself. Instead, Miche nodded to himself and turned his attention back to his breakfast. The questioning look you sent to Hange went mostly ignored. They seemed more interested in the thin bread portion on Petra’s plate, suggesting Miche’s sniffing habit was an idiosyncrasy of his that was to be expected. 

Oluo shook his head, unimpressed with your comment. He took a long drink out of a teacup, making no effort to shake your hand and introduce himself properly. “I, for one, have no idea why the Commander thinks you can become a soldier in only two months or less. You’ll be titan chow mere minutes after we—“

“That won’t happen because she’ll be riding with us,” Petra interjected pointedly before turning her attention back to you, her smile apologetic. “Ignore him. He thinks he’s the Captain,” she rolled her amber eyes, cuing you into her joke. 

“Speaking of Levi… where is he?” Hange asked, taking the opportunity to change the subject from your potential demise to the whereabouts of the absent Captain. Their ponderous expression suggested that Levi was rarely late to anything. From what little information you were about to glean about him— his superhuman battle prowess, neatly groomed appearance, and stern expression to match — you imagined that the man was also quite punctual. 

“Running late from his tea pick up,” Gunther answered, causing the group to share identical looks of worry and frustration. (Save for Oluo, he merely tutted and shook his head dismissively.)

“You know what that means,” Eld said, his thin lips pulling into a grim expression. 

Sensing your confusion, Hange started to answer. “It means they don’t have his— oh no,” Hange fell silent at the sight of the Captain quickly making his way towards the table. Despite being a handful of inches shorter than most of the soldiers around him, all standing scouts parted out of his way, eyes diverting from his stoic gaze. The way they scurried out of the way reminded you of anxious prey.

“We should tread carefully, you guys,” Petra suggested, “he’s empty handed.” She sent a warning look towards Oluo, who merely shook his head in response, his hazel eyes rolling. They acted like a married couple— an intimacy that only came from fighting at one another’s sides for years. It was strangely heartwarming that they were able to stay with one another for so long.    

“Morning, Levi!” Hange cheered, standing to greet him properly. They clapped him on the back, only to remove their hand in response to his continued silence and pointed glare. “Guess who’s sitting with us today?” they asked rhetorically, “Doctor Y/l/n! She just came this morning.”

You rose from your seat, unsure of how to proceed. Levi didn’t seem particularly interested in introducing himself to you. Instead, he regarded you, likely hypothesizing whether or not you could handle two months of intensive training under him and come out of it with maneuvering reliable enough to save your life. He was calculating any semblance of a chance you had at staying alive and carrying out your research. 

“You can call me Y/n,” you decided, extending your hand to him with a tentative smile. Levi made no attempt to return the expression, much less take you. Instead, he regarded the remnants of dirt on your palm, left behind after you took a soil sample from the front of the base upon your arrival— and hesitated. None of the soldiers seemed to mind, given that it was such a minimal shadow left from the soil. 

In fact, you doubted they noticed at all. 

You made a quick attempt to run your palm over your light green skirts, the linen material light enough for you to remain cool in the hot summer. You chuckled apologetically, “I took a sample from your soil here. To see if it needs any additional nutrients before I use it for my vertical trestles,” you explained, doubting he would understand what you were referring to. Your vertical trestles were long stands with dozens of small engravings to house plants. The beauty of your aeroponics system was that it could grow plants without needing a constant supply of water. All they needed was nutrient-dense soil, sprays of (nutrient-dense, of course) water every few days, and consistent sunlight. 

“It’s fine,” the Captain replied, his grave tone insinuating that it was anything but. Still, his calloused hand wrapped around yours, his palm surprisingly cold. His grip was firm and sure. “Given your line of work, you’re bound to drag filth around with you, Mother Nature.”

The derisive nickname caused your back to stiffen as your hand fell back to your side. You frowned, unsure of whether or not he was teasing you with it. But there was no sign of mockery in his face— only mild frustration and inconvenience. 

“Training is at noon. Don’t keep me waiting,” Levi ordered, turning swiftly on the heel of his boot to make his leave. He ignored Petra’s dismayed calls, asking where he was going and why he was skipping the meal. 

Hange noticed your expression as you reclaimed your seat. “It’s nothing personal. He’s always that grumpy.”

“Especially after that tea store under-watered the flowers again. The ones they need to make his black tea,” Petra sighed. You cringed, thinking about the type of lunacy that would drive someone to over-water camellia sinensis twice. 

“And I need to train with him later?” You asked, now mildly concerned for your well-being along with that plant. Commander Erwin said Levi was their best soldier, Humanity’s Strongest. But he didn’t specify whether or not Levi was their best teacher. Was there truly no one else to take on that burden? Someone nicer?

“You might think we’d have someone a bit more…patient, but no,” Petra said as if she read your mind. “All of us,” she nodded to the rest of the group with her chin, her red hair bobbing at the gesture, “need to be focused on Eren while Hange works with him. The other section commanders have to prepare our new cadets. That leaves, well, the Captain, as the most qualified to show you the ropes,” the more Petra explained Erwin’s decision, the tighter the knot in your stomach felt. All of Levi’s elite squad had to make sure Eren’s titan didn’t go berserk and ravage the military branch while their leader helped you, a full-time scientist, master notoriously complex equipment. 

“But you can do it!” Hange cheered. “If anyone I know can become a member of the scouts in exactly six weeks, it’s you!”

It was true. If Levi was Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, and the Eren Yeager kid was Humanity’s Last Hope, you were one of Humanity’s only obstacles standing between it and famine, which was just as dire. There was no reason to defeat the titans if most of the population was going to be malnourished and on the brink of starvation-caused extinction. Not to mention, it was too ironic: the titans are defeated only for their former prey to go extinct due to lack of food. 

You couldn’t watch that happen when you were so sure it was preventable. 

. . .

You had a doctorate in agronomy, a degree in horticulture, and a certification in medical care. And even after those years of hard schooling, long essays, and seemingly endless research projects, you still managed to suffer the worst of equipment malfunctions at the worst possible timing. 

But to be fair, who invented this gear?

The idea of omni-directional mobility gear was to make humans as swiftly airborne as possible, giving them the ability to evade a titan’s jaws and provide lethal proximity to their vulnerable napes in milliseconds. However, human facilities were much more delicate than a titan’s— it didn’t take a doctor like you to understand that. To endure high-speed movement and mid-air contortion, the stress would need to be evenly distributed across the body at all times. That was why limp leather straps were dangling from various parts of your legs and torso while you desperately tried to buckle them in their rightful places. 

Hange demonstrated the process for you about three times before they left to work with the titan shifter, swearing that you would at least survive the first session with Levi. Now you were standing alone, using one of the many benches to the slide of the big green field where new scouts stretched with their section commanders, as leverage while you tried to buckle the gas exhaust around your lower back.

Several starstruck scouts attempted to ask you if you needed a hand, but your pride refused. You were an academic. You were having issues with…leather straps. Not only that, you couldn’t, in good conscience, let teenagers help you buckle your uniform. 

“Do you honestly think your equipment is going to hold you up like that, Mother Nature?” The Captain’s harsh voice asked, causing you to sheepishly turn to look at him, your cheeks reddening. Thankfully, they were already rather flushed from the heat. 

“I don’t understand how you all put this on so quickly,” you explained, gesturing to the pieces of uniform that you managed to construct. “It’s like a puzzle…” you mumbled before your face lit up with relief. 

“Oh--- there it is.” The buckle slipped through one of the adjustment holes, letting you pull the equipment around your abdomen snuggly. While you weren’t quite sure if this was the proper adjustment, you couldn’t help but nurse your satisfaction while you could. The compressed gas from the exhaust powered the wiring mechanism that worked like a grappling hook: the anchors on the edges of the wires were supposed to dig into any possible service and maintain your weight.

“The section commander was supposed to show you,” Captain Levi said.

“They had to run. Time-sensitive experiment with Eren. Something about sleep deprivation’s impact on titan shifting… It’s really fine, I know how important it is to be meticulous with your experiments’ timing. Maintaining consistent variables and all…” you were rambling. You cringed at yourself— your lack of social competence. But in all fairness, you spent most of your formative years in a laboratory, or your nose buried so deep within the pages of a book, that you could distinguish your textbooks from scent alone. Nothing— out of your vast libraries of literary knowledge— covered how to speak to a soldier of unimaginable strength (and with impossibly azure eyes to match.) It was no wonder the hottest part of a flame was its innermost blue. 

“Sounds like Hange,” Levi said noncommittally, but he didn’t seem angry. That told you he was more than accustomed to the scientist’s effervescent (and extremely capricious) nature. It suggested he expected it, at this point. Anyone close to Hange knew to expect some turbulence, at some point. You were relieved Hange managed to find someone in the Survey Corps to grow close to. They deserved it, and it seemed Levi could use Hange’s enigmatic scheming in his life. 

“Can you please just…” you looked at the equipment meaningfully. You managed to complete all of the straps that were a bit too personal to ask of him, but there were a few that ran behind your back and attached to said buckles that you couldn’t figure out how to stabilize without a mirror.

“I’m required to double check your equipment -- whether or not you proved incompetent with putting it on. You’re still a newbie, Plant Lady,” Levi said, already fixing the strap that fastened your gas exhaust-- the one you just fixed!

You huffed, dismayed by both your apparent failure and the new nickname. “I was growing attached to Mother Nature,” you smarted. 

“Just give me your right gearbox, and we might just manage to start training on time,” Levi ignored your quip. 

. . .

You were a puppet suspended in mid-air, only you weren’t lifeless, and somewhat in control of your facilities.

Every muscle in your body pleaded for help as you remained motionless, yet suspended in the air. Apparently, this was the first physical test the military put its cadets through. If you couldn’t strike a near-natural balance with the omni-directional mobility gear, then you were cut— sent to the fields to help with the harvest. Apparently, it would work the same for you. If you couldn’t exhibit the necessary physical prowess on your first day, what was the sense in the Survey Corps investing its time and resources into you?

You could feel sweat rolling down your neck, tracing an uncomfortable line down your back as you trembled with effort. You weren’t even wearing the full equipment. While Levi initially showed you how to put the whole ensemble together, you didn’t need all of it for your first day of training. All you currently were wearing was the various leather straps around your legs and feet, and the main belt around your waist that would have connected your gas exhaust and both gearboxes. According to your reading, those gearboxes held extra blades and gas canisters. Attached to those gearboxes were wooden handles that connected to the blades and anchors soldiers plunged into structures in order to move.

Your arms wanted to reach out and grab something, anything, to hold onto, but there was nothing in proximity. There were only two long bars that supported you on either side as if you were a swing. 

You tried to keep your gaze ahead of you, knowing that looking at the distance between your boot soles and the grass was too far for your liking. In fact, the thought of your elevation caused you to shudder, causing your body to sway. You weren’t proud of it, but you couldn’t suppress your worried shriek as your gaze slipped unintentionally downwards.

“Easy there. The more you panic, the less control you have. Put the most power into your core so your back straightens,” Levi watched you, observing your quivering body— in part from the physical strain that came with holding your back straight and core strong, but equally, your fear.

“Like…this?” You managed through gritted teeth. You blinked rapidly to try to keep the drops of sweat that cascaded from your hairline and past your eyebrows away from your eyes. “What if I-I….can’t do this any longer?” you asked, trying to come up with an estimate of how long you were balancing. Seven minutes? Eight minutes? The Idle Suspension Exercise was a minimum of ten straight minutes of steady balancing, excluding any time you spent thrashing. 

“Oh, you can just stop and---” the female scout to your side started to answer, only for the Captain to silence her with a single glance. Levi tasked her with turning the lever that hoisted you up and back down. “Nevermind,” she chuckled awkwardly, looking down at her muddy uniform boots. 

“Why did you tell Erwin you’d master this gear in two months when you knew you had basic stamina issues?” He asked flatly. There was a dichotomy between the Captain's blunt way of speaking and the way he regarded you closely-- curious to see if you could hold yourself up for a short while longer, or if you’d collapse. The tersely restrained energy in his physique suggested he was ready to spring into action if he so much as suspected the latter was about to occur. “Seems irresponsible, for a doctor.”

“I don’t have-- basic-- stamina--- issues!” You managed through labored breaths. He was essentially superhuman. He had no right to insinuate you had basic stamina issues when he’s had somewhere near a decade and a half to develop his skills in the Survey Corps. Compared to your single day, or half hour, of training rather. “And I’m not irresponsible!”

“I’ve seen first-day cadets perform better,” Levi’s arms crossed in front of his chest, his body relaxing. “Are you sure you gave this decision all of the thought it required, Mother Nature?”

“What?” Your head tilted indignantly, your eyes widening to immediately question the Captain’s words. Was he making fun of you? Questioning your sense of rational thinking? 

If you weren’t previously motivated to finish the exercise before, now you were deadset.

“Not everyone has what it takes to be a soldier,” Levi explained, unwithering against your enraged scowl.

“Some people are just more suited tending to flowers in a greenhouse than a battlefield. But I would say your attempt is…commendable,” he said. “Start letting her down, Sam,” Levi instructed the redheaded scout.

Your blood boiled, and it was from more than just the sun beating down on you. 

“Don’t you dare, Sam!” You demanded with an intensity you normally reserved for those goading you like the Captain, but you couldn’t control your tone during such immense physical and emotional stress. “I will finish this!” Now you had to. 

Sam’s eyebrows drew together as she hummed uncertainty, trying to decide whether she should obey the Captain when you were so clearly invested in beating the challenge. Her hand sat on the lever’s handle, unmoving. So she was going to listen to you. 

She sent a resolute nod to you. 

You’d dealt with numerous characters like Levi Ackerman. Stingy and sexist government officials and nobles who doubted your projects could produce anything of real scientific value…soldiers who didn’t want their wounds stitched up by someone they assumed was incompetent, based on the way you looked. Infuriated nobles who would threaten your life for making produce and food items more accessible when they’d been making fortunes by price gouging them. 

“Let me finish this, Captain,” you snapped, “I can do it!” 

“You already did,” Levi responded, taking a quick look at his watch. “You just passed twelve minutes. Let her down, now.” 

Before you could process what was happening, Sam obeyed, turning the lever around to set you back down on the ground. The second the bottoms of your boots reached the ground, your legs buckled, threatening to fully give into your weight. If you didn’t reach for the stand to your side, you probably would’ve fallen to the ground.

“You…did that…on purpose…didn’t you…” you panted to catch your breath once again, surprised you could string a coherent sentence together. You used the back of your hand to wipe sweat from your hairline and the rest of your face. You cringed at the pool of sweat that transferred from your skin, still hesitant to believe that you truly managed to go over the minimum requirement.

Because of Levi’s strategically-placed hostility. 

“Maybe,” Levi replied, something akin to reluctant respect on his face. “You’re dismissed for the day. “Meet me back here, same time tomorrow.”

“You’ll tell Commander Erwin I passed?” you asked hopefully, looking for your due praise--- even though it was obvious Levi wasn’t the type to commend his soldiers for a job well done. 

“It’s my responsibility to update the Commander as I see fit, Mother Nature.”

. . . 

“Do you have black tea in stock?” You asked the young girl working the counter at the bakery closest to the Survey Corps’ Headquarters. Even if it was the closest, it was still quite a ways on horseback-- about a half hour back into town. 

The girl blushed. “Um, no. We don’t. Our…newest hire…under-watered the plant,” she explained tentatively, her smile sheepish enough to suggest that she was the mentioned culprit. 

“It happens. Do you still have the plant?” you asked. 

“Yes, we do…?” she replied, unsure as to why you were asking for it. Her smile seemed a bit terse, irritated that you were looking for a plant that they were likely about to compost. 

“Can I buy it?” While over-watering typically caused a plant to wilt and rot, effectively killing it. However, under-watering was fixable in most cases. Especially if it was the summer sun--- while camelia flowers tended to prefer sunnier spots, they also required ample water to keep them nourished. It wasn’t unheard of for an amateur to be scared of overwatering the flowers.

“I think it’s about to die, so you can’t really use it for tea or anything,” she warned, expecting you to change your mind.

“Just name your price,” you smiled patiently, but you were sure it didn’t reach your eyes because of your impatience. But in a matter of mere minutes, you were walking to the public stable where you left your horse, Juniper, and you were on your way back to Headquarters to start your first official project as an Honorary Scout.

. . .

Tags:

[shieldofiron]

The guy looks like his high school bully and it’s kind of wigging Eddie out.

He’s sat in the same place every show, up in the front row, always with a flagon of something that he barely sips. Eddie’s stage isn’t far from one of the many Renaissance Fair taverns, but this guy doesn’t seem drunk. He just watches Eddie’s show intently, his loose shirt falling open and exposing a chiseled chest.

“Maybe the guy just really likes magic,” Billy suggests when they’re both on break as he pours a bottle of cold water over his face, trying to comb the dirt from his curls. He’s Prince William the bloodthirsty after all.

“Billy, I do this show at ten fairs a season. I love magic. And even I wouldn’t watch three shows a day.”

Billy laughed, “You know, I used to have a guy out in this teeny tiny faire who used to watch the jousts like that. Really intense, front row.”

“Yeah, what happened.”

“You’ve met Steve.”

“Your husband??”

“Hell yeah,” Billy flicked his tongue against his upper lip, “Do you still call people up in the audience to be your lovely assistant for the finale?”

“Yeah.”

“So, ask him to be your lovely assistant,” Billy shrugged, “Maybe it will work out.”

Eddie had laughed it off but at the final show of the day, when he asked for lovely assistant volunteers, the guy did perk up in his seat.

“You, gentle sir,” Eddie swept into a theatrical bow.

The crowd giggled as the man sat dumbfounded in his seat, his pink cheeks making his eyes electric blue.

“Come now, the box awaits you!”

The man got to his feet, waving meekly at the hooting crowd.

“And your name, my lovely assistant?”

“Jason.”

That had Eddie nearly stumbling as he made his way towards the box to subtly show Jason the instructions painted inside for how he would hide and then reveal himself.

It couldn’t actually be Jason Carver. Not actually. Except he did look like him, with the short sloped nose and pale freckled skin. His hair was longer, slightly darker and sandier.

“And are you a native of Maryland, Jason?” Eddie’s fake English accent wavered.

“No, I’m from a small town in Indiana.”

Eddie only opened the door to the box so smoothly because he’d done it a hundred thousand times, sweeping his arm out to the crowd, “And you’re about to go somewhere even smaller!”

The crowd chuckled obligingly and Jason made his way into the box with a short bow. Eddie could barely breathe as he executed the rest of the trick flawlessly.

After Jason had revealed himself and blushed through another bow when Eddie called him his lovely assistant, Eddie thought that might be the end of it.

But Jason was hanging around after the show, still holding that one flagon, still sat in that same spot.

"So um, why-"

"You're in town another few weeks?"

"Yeah." Eddie frowned.

"I hoped you would be. I saw you last year but..." Jason shook his head, and the sunlight glinted off an earring hidden in his long blonde hair, "I couldn't get up my nerve."

"Nerve to do what?"

"Ask you out," Jason dug in his pocket, "Even just to apologize."

He hands over a business card. Jason Carver. Board Certified Psychologist. Specializing in LGBTQIA+ issues and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

"My cell is on the bottom there."

"You're asking me to become a patient?"

"No," Jason toys with his glass again, "Pretty sure that would be unethical. Because I um... you know..."

"I mean, we already started out unethically," Eddie stopped him, though he was kind of wondering how deep on Jason's chest that blush could possibly go.

"How do you mean?"

Eddie leaned in, slightly annoyed that his bell-covered costume jingled. His messy curls and braids bushed forward, and he could see Jason's eyes dialate.

"You're already my lovely assistant."

---

Can you tell I went to the ren faire today?

[lightandheatao3]

The Bunker - Criminal Minds

Chapter 6: The Rot

Summary: Spencer Reid wakes up in a locked bunker to find half the current BAU and two of its departed members unconscious on the floor. The old team is back together but the reunion is not what any of them would have wished for. An Unsub from their past has decided it's time they all stop keeping secrets, even if it means exposing them by force.

Hotch and Derek have been pulled back into a world they tried to escape. Emily, Rossi, and JJ are doing their best to keep it together. Spencer is falling apart.

AKA a found family is reunited and forced to go through the most nightmarish version of family therapy imaginable.

Set months after the end of Criminal Minds: Evolution. Evolution referenced, but not necessary to understand the story.

Chapter Summary: The team rebel in the only way they are able.

Read chapter 6 on AO3 or under the cut. All comments and reblogs are extremely appreciated <3 I would love to know what you like about the story :)

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5

JJ had been the first one to point it out. 25 or 26 hours in, while he had been shivering on the floor.

There was a door on the bathroom. "Oddly considerate," JJ had said. "Seems thematically inappropriate."

This Unsub was obsessed with exposure. With forcing them to be vulnerable. To be seen in the most confronting sense.

She wanted them to be stripped bare.

So why would she give them a door?

Why would she give them soap so they could wash themselves and their clothes? Why insist they don’t leave rubbish out?

Why structure all her rules around cleanliness?

Why lock them in a box, then afford them so many little dignities?

She wanted to break them down, piece by piece, and she had gone to extreme measures to make that happen. They were unanimous in their assessment that this Unsub was not a person who dealt in half-measures. So why was she holding back?

The answer was easy.

She wasn't doing it for them.

With that part of the profile settled, Emily's plan had become an obvious response.

They hadn’t risked pushing boundaries or breaking rules while Spencer had been too sick. He loathed it, the thought of all the time they're lost because of him. Now that he was better- still not healthy by any stretch, but not actively in acute withdrawal- it was time to test the waters and see what kind of response they could provoke.

The profile they had agreed on was this: She was meticulous, desperate for control, enacting detailed fantasies through them, yet actively hindering her own stated goals by providing them with comforts not essential to their survival.

She provided these comforts not for their sake, but because she was uncomfortable.

She was squeamish.

She wanted them to clean because she couldn’t handle the mess. She gave them a door because she didn't want to be reminded of their bodily functions.

She afforded them dignity because she was unable to stomach indignity.

She likely had a significant anxiety disorder, possibly with obsessive-compulsive features. They suspected she may have been raised in a highly conservative or religious environment, perhaps with an abusive parent who instilled a deep sense of shame for any behaviors or bodily functions perceived as unclean.

Much to Spencer's immense displeasure, the pathway to provoking a response was clear.

He was happy to have something to do. It felt good to have a goal. It felt even better to be united in that goal as a team. He and Derek had put their bickering to the side, and JJ was being warm with him again. It was good, he repeated to himself again and again. It was good.

But did it have to be so disgusting?

“You doing alright?” asked JJ sympathetically.

“I am fine,” he said through gritted teeth.

“It’s just that you’ve been staring at it for a long time. I don't think I've seen you blink for a while now.”

“Patulin is the most commonly found mycotoxin in fruits. It has the capacity to be carried on dust and airborne spores, which act as a delivery mechanism for the mycotoxin to reach the lungs, where it can cause acute respiratory symptoms, including hemorrhaging of the lung. Even if airborne mycotoxin exposure is statistically unlikely with this relatively low quantity of rotting fruit, mold exposure is still a very real concern, particularly in enclosed environments with limited ventilation,” he explained tensely. “It can cause respiratory distress, dysregulation of your immune system-”

“Spencer,” interrupted Emily. “I know it’s disgusting. Try not to think about it.”

He flicked his eyes away from the rotting pile of fruit scraps that sat in the middle of the room, over to Emily instead. “There are maggots, Emily,” he said, pained.

“Come on, Reid, I know you’ve got a thing about germs, but you have seen way worse than this,” said Derek. "You can handle this, man."

“Judging by the rate of deterioration and the visible emergence of the fruit fly larvae, it has been two to three days since we stopped returning our food scraps.” he said. "I had sincerely hoped that I would never end up locked up somewhere even more disgusting than prison. At least there they had waste disposal."

“She’ll break, Spence,” said JJ in a whisper. “You just need to not break first.”

He scrubbed his hands over his face, scratching a little at the patchy beard that was growing in. “I’m sorry," he said sincerely. "You’re all stuck in here too. It's just hard not to think about it.”

“Well then, how about we all forget about this for a minute,” said Rossi. “Everyone close your eyes.”

They all looked at him skeptically. He rolled his eyes and gestured at them all to just hurry up and do it.

Spencer watched as everyone else, sat scattered across the four walls of room in a vague square shape, reluctantly closed their eyes. The last ones left open were his and Hotch’s. Hotch met his gaze with an amused shrug, then closed his own.

Finally, Spencer did too.

“You’re not going to make us mediate?” asked Emily wearily.

“I wouldn’t even know how to begin with that. Now, please shut up until directed otherwise,” instructed Rossi cheerfully.

He could still smell the rotten fruit scraps, sickly and sweet with an earthy undercurrent of mold. Every inhale came with the mental picture of a thousand microscopic spores pouring into his lungs. He dug his nails into his forearms and focused on Rossi’s voice.

“Okay, now, I’m going to need everyone to take this extremely seriously,” said Rossi solemnly. “It is of the utmost importance, for our sanity and perhaps even our survival, that you answer honestly. Understood?” He was met with silence. “That was me giving you permission to speak. Are we understood?”

“For fuck sake Dave, just spit it out,” said Hotch of all people, earning a snort from Emily across the room.

“You asked for it,” said Rossi, milking the moment for all it was worth. “Fuck, marry, kill. FBI addition”

The uproar was immediate. They all opened their eyes, cries of “What is wrong with you?” and “You’re a child!” being hurled in his direction amongst amused yelps and bubbling laughter. Even Spencer couldn’t hold back a laugh.

Rossi held his hands up defensively. “Woah! You wanted a distraction, you got it! I didn’t realize you were all so prudish,” he teased.

“Alright,” said Emily, nodding her head. “I’m game.”

JJ shot her a mockingly scandalized look.

“If the boss is in, who am I to say no?” said Derek with a cheeky wink at Emily.

“Great,” said Rossi. “Now, everyone close your eyes again.”

With a lot of eyerolls and exasperated head shakes, everyone did as he asked. Spencer smiled to himself at the absurdity of it all.

“Why do our eyes need to be closed for this, exactly?” asked JJ.

“If you really want to stare at the garbage pile while we do this, be my guest,” said Rossi.

“Fair point.”

“Since you’re so eager, Rossi, how about you go first?” suggested Derek. “Fuck, marry, kill… Jenny Carlile in security, Marina Ferra from the comms department, and… Josie, you know, the one who worked the reception desk until about six months before I left.”

They all laughed at the list, but a laughter that came with a lot of audible cringing.

“Coming out swinging, I see,” said Rossi. “Well, those are three very beautiful, intelligent, lovely women, but kill Josie-”

“What!” yelled Derek. “You’re crazy, man!”

“You didn’t have to think about it!” said JJ indignantly. “What did she ever do to you?”

“Hey, who’s talking here!” said Rossi with a laugh. “I have nothing against Josie, she’s just too young for me. I prefer a woman with some life experience,” he said defensively. The answer seemed to placate the naysayers. He continued, “Marry Jenny. She seems so easy going. And fuck Marina, because, well, do I have to explain?”

Morgan huffed a laugh and hummed in a way that suggested Rossi absolutely did not have to explain. “I can’t argue with that.”

“Thank you. Now in the interest of gender equality and equal opportunity objectification, it’s your turn JJ.”

JJ groaned. “Okay, hit me.”

“Gary Renkin, Ricardo Perez, and… Daniel what’s-his-face from the basement.”

“The basement?” JJ chuckled. “Do you mean Daniel from IT?”

“Yeah, whatever they do down there. The guy who clearly doesn’t get enough sun.”

She laughed again. “Right, give a second... I pick… Marry Ric, because he’s a sweetheart. Fuck Gary. No, I won’t explain. And kill Daniel because an IT guy is a little redundant when you’re friends with Penelope.”

“You make a good point,” said Emily.

“You have to be logical about these things,” said JJ. “Speaking of which, Emily, I hope you're ready for some hard choices.”

“I am so ready,” said Emily. “But give me a real challenge.”

He snorted. She sounded genuinely competitive, and while he hadn’t played this game before, he gathered that it wasn’t one you could ‘win.’ His skin had almost stopped crawling from thoughts of the germs that were infesting every surface of the room.

“If you say so,” said JJ. “Luke, Matt, and Tara.”

The room erupted. Derek wolf whistled; Emily let out a loud “Oh come on!” and Rossi applauded the audacity. He thought he might have even heard a small laugh from Hotch. He smiled to himself.

“What?” yelled JJ, stifling a laugh. “You said you wanted a challenge!”

“How am I supposed to kill one of them?” lamented Emily.

A beat.

“You’re killing Luke, right?” said JJ as a statement, not a question.

“Yeah, obviously,” said Emily without pause. “Fuck Matt, marry Tara. Is there even another way to answer that?”

“What?” laughed Rossi. “What did poor Luke do to earn this?”

“Luke is great,” said Emily emphatically. “He’s just…”

JJ jumped in; “It would be like sleeping with your little brother.”

“That’s exactly it,” said Emily, clicking her finger. “I mean really, the right answer is to kill both Luke and Matt and just pick Tara. Have you seen her?”

“No, I think your first answer was right. That’s what I’m going with,” said JJ with a giggle. “What about you, Spence? Same question.”

He was glad to have his eyes closed as he felt his cheeks warming just a little. “Does it have to be them?” he asked in halfhearted protest.

“Oh, absolutely,” said Emily. “If I had to pick, so do you.”

“Fine,” he sighed. “Okay, so, just to be clear on the rules-” Derek groaned but he couldn't tell if it was affectionate or annoyed, so he ignored it “- these are all mutually exclusive categories? I mean, if you married someone, it would be likely that you would have an ongoing intimate relationship, so what’s the distinction between the marry and, uh, fuck options?”

“Have you never played this game before?” asked JJ.

“No?”

Was this common? Is this something he was supposed to be familiar with? Was this another one of those things that everyone with a normal adolescence had done? He suddenly felt self-conscious.

“For the sake of clarity,” said Emily, “let’s assume they are all mutually exclusive. Think of it as who you want to be emotionally intimate with and share a life with for marry, and who just want to… well, fuck is a fairly self-explanatory category.”

He appreciated that she didn’t make fun of him while she explained. He didn’t mind the teasing from the others. Not really. He teased them right back most of the time. But he didn’t like it when people made fun of him without actually explaining why.

“Thank you.” A beat. “Do I really have to choose?”

“Yes!” came the unanimous, exasperated shouts from everyone except Hotch, who was laughing in earnest now.

“Oh my god, fine! Fuck Luke, kill Matt, marry Tara,” he spat out without thinking.

There was a moment of silence.

He opened his eyes, realizing he must have been the last one to do so, as they were all staring at him. Five pairs of tired, dark-rimmed eyes looked at him from across a pile of rot.

“Interesting,” said Derek wryly.

“Care to explain your rationale?” asked Emily with a smirk.

He turned it over in his mind a moment. “I would prefer not to.”

“Because I have a theory that Luke is about 2 beers away from-”

“I would prefer not to,” he repeated more firmly.

She threw her hands up in surrender. They all made a point of not staring too hard.

It wasn't a discussion he was necessarily completely averse to having with them. He'd considered it in the past. Things were changing in the world and even, very slowly and incrementally, in the FBI itself.

It certainly wasn't a conversation he wanted to have in front of the ever-present camera.

Rossi swung his head around to Hotch. “Aaron, your turn to-”

“Absolutely not,” said Hotch in a tone that beggared no argument.

“Oh-kay then… New game-”

He was cut off by a clunking sound.

They all looked around the room, trying to figure out if they had heard the same thing. Spencer wasn't sure if he'd imagined it.

Then, another THUNK.

They looked at each other as if each of them was hoping to find reassurance from the others.

Spencer’s heart pounded so hard in his chest he thought he might pass out.

THUNK.

They looked to the roof.

A steady hiss emanated from above.

Out of the vent in the roof, he saw a wisp of something.

“Smoke,” said Derek, voice tight.

“No,” said Hotch, pushing himself to his feet. “Gas.”

For a moment, time froze.

Then all at once they activated.

They pushed themselves to their feet, with Derek throwing down a hand to help pull Spencer up. They grabbed discarded, filthy and unwashed shirts from the ground and tied them over their noses and mouths.

Hotch and Derek sprinted to the door, pulling at it as hard as they could, desperately trying to leverage it open.

Spencer stared, transfixed at the swirling mist that was filling the room from the roof downward.

“Get on the floor,” he said urgently. Or at least he thought he said, but nobody responded. He tried again, louder this time. “Get on the floor!”

They all froze, whipping their heads around to look at him.

He continued talking as he ran to the bathroom. “There’s no way out. Wet your mask, then get on the floor face down and slow your breathing as much as possible. We don’t have much time.”

He ripped off the shirt tied over his face and soaked it under the water running from the bathroom tap. He passed it behind him to JJ, who was standing the closest to him.

“What?” she breathed out, looking very much as if she was going into the early stages of shock, eyes glassy and confused.

“Give me your mask and put this one on.” He looked back at the rest of them. “Now! We have a minute at most! All you can do is try to minimize the amount you breath in and ensure you don’t hurt yourself by falling when you lose consciousness.”

Hotch stepped forward, guiding JJ to follow his instructions.

“Do what he says,” said Emily urgently, approaching him to help distribute the wet cloth.

They moved as quickly as humanly possible. As quickly as he had ever seen any of them move.

Even as he was wetting the last piece of what he thought was Rossi’s discarded button up shirt and tying it around his own face, the edges of his vision were fading.

He managed to half crawl to the ground until he was lying face down on the disgusting, dirty floor.

The sound of weak coughs and splutters rang in his ears as his vision blurred and blackened.

All he could see, somewhere across the room through the tunnel of his vision, was someone's chest. He couldn't tell whose, but it rose up and down, still breathing.

He held onto that image as long as he could. Whoever it was, they were still breathing.

Then…

Nothing.

[books-to-add-to-your-tbr]

Title: Say What You Will

Author: Cammie McGovern

Series or standalone: standalone

Publication year: 2014

Genres: fiction, romance, contemporary, mental health

Blurb: Born with cerebral palsy, Amy can't walk without a walker, talk without a voice box, or even fully control her facial expressions. Plagued by obsessive-compulsive disorder, Matthew is consumed with repeated thoughts, neurotic rituals, and crippling fear. Both in desperate need of someone to help them reach out to the world, Amy and Matthew are more alike than either ever realised. When Amy decides to hire student aides to help her in her senior year at Coral Hills High School, these two teens are thrust into each other's lives. As they begin to spend time with each other, what started as a blossoming friendship eventually grows into something neither expected.

[compneuropapers]

Interesting Papers for Week 38, 2023

Neural population dynamics of computing with synaptic modulations. Aitken, K., & Mihalas, S. (2023). eLife, 12, e83035.

Bumblebees acquire alternative puzzle-box solutions via social learning. Bridges, A. D., MaBouDi, H., Procenko, O., Lockwood, C., Mohammed, Y., Kowalewska, A., … Chittka, L. (2023). PLOS Biology, 21(3), e3002019.

When familiarity not novelty motivates information-seeking behaviour. Brooks, G., Whitehead, H., & Kӧhler, S. (2023). Scientific Reports, 13, 5201.

Prefrontal PV interneurons facilitate attention and are linked to attentional dysfunction in a mouse model of absence epilepsy. Ferguson, B., Glick, C., & Huguenard, J. R. (2023). eLife, 12, e78349.

Mechanisms and functions of respiration-driven gamma oscillations in the primary olfactory cortex. Gonzalez, J., Torterolo, P., & Tort, A. B. (2023). eLife, 12, e83044.

Panoramic visual statistics shape retina-wide organization of receptive fields. Gupta, D., Młynarski, W., Sumser, A., Symonova, O., Svatoň, J., & Joesch, M. (2023). Nature Neuroscience, 26(4), 606–614.

Unsigned surprise but not reward magnitude modulates the integration of motor elements during actions. Jamous, R., Takacs, A., Frings, C., Münchau, A., Mückschel, M., & Beste, C. (2023). Scientific Reports, 13, 5379.

Dynamical latent state computation in the male macaque posterior parietal cortex. Lakshminarasimhan, K. J., Avila, E., Pitkow, X., & Angelaki, D. E. (2023). Nature Communications, 14, 1832.

Cortical maps as a fundamental neural substrate for visual representation. Lima, B., Florentino, M. M., Fiorani, M., Soares, J. G. M., Schmidt, K. E., Neuenschwander, S., … Gattass, R. (2023). Progress in Neurobiology, 224, 102424.

Causal role of a neural system for separating and selecting multidimensional social cognitive information. Mahmoodi, A., Nili, H., Harbison, C., Hamilton, S., Trudel, N., Bang, D., & Rushworth, M. F. S. (2023). Neuron, 111(7), 1152-1164.e6.

Voltage to Calcium Transformation Enhances Direction Selectivity in Drosophila T4 Neurons. Mishra, A., Serbe-Kamp, E., Borst, A., & Haag, J. (2023). Journal of Neuroscience, 43(14), 2497–2514.

Narrowband gamma oscillations propagate and synchronize throughout the mouse thalamocortical visual system. Shin, D., Peelman, K., Lien, A. D., Del Rosario, J., & Haider, B. (2023). Neuron, 111(7), 1076-1085.e8.

Agency affects pain inference through prior shift as opposed to likelihood precision modulation in a Bayesian pain model. Strube, A., Horing, B., Rose, M., & Büchel, C. (2023). Neuron, 111(7), 1136-1151.e7.

Individuals with problem gambling and obsessive-compulsive disorder learn through distinct reinforcement mechanisms. Suzuki, S., Zhang, X., Dezfouli, A., Braganza, L., Fulcher, B. D., Parkes, L., … Suo, C. (2023). PLOS Biology, 21(3), e3002031.

Neural Ensemble Fragmentation in the Anesthetized Drosophila Brain. Troup, M., Tainton-Heap, L. A. L., & van Swinderen, B. (2023). Journal of Neuroscience, 43(14), 2537–2551.

Developmental trajectory of transmission speed in the human brain. van Blooijs, D., van den Boom, M. A., van der Aar, J. F., Huiskamp, G. M., Castegnaro, G., Demuru, M., … Hermes, D. (2023). Nature Neuroscience, 26(4), 537–541.

Local and global reward learning in the lateral frontal cortex show differential development during human adolescence. Wittmann, M. K., Scheuplein, M., Gibbons, S. G., & Noonan, M. P. (2023). PLOS Biology, 21(3), e3002010.

Intrinsic timescales in the visual cortex change with selective attention and reflect spatial connectivity. Zeraati, R., Shi, Y.-L., Steinmetz, N. A., Gieselmann, M. A., Thiele, A., Moore, T., … Engel, T. A. (2023). Nature Communications, 14, 1858.

Feature-specific reactivations of past information shift current neural encoding thereby mediating serial bias behaviors. Zhang, H., & Luo, H. (2023). PLOS Biology, 21(3), e3002056.

Microstructural and neurochemical plasticity mechanisms interact to enhance human perceptual decision-making. Ziminski, J. J., Frangou, P., Karlaftis, V. M., Emir, U., & Kourtzi, Z. (2023). PLOS Biology, 21(3), e3002029.

[earth2audiee]

Okayyy so hi i wanted to interact but alas i am terrible with what to ask about SO this is an invitation for you to ramble about whatever you want if you want to so idk something you are interested in lately or an old obsession or yeah whatever you wish :)

omgomgomgogmomg hi!! btw i listened to the hozier songs u recommend, my fav is probably arsonists lullaby. it’s so yummy

anyways welcome to my essay on:

ROWAN “i’m not mentally ill i keep my room clean this is just the way stuff is” OMONDI

“I’m not the sort of person who expects an immediate text back, but when it’s been over twenty-four hours, I can safely assume that something is wrong.”

“Why do i always have to be the serious one? The worrier? Why can’t someone else do the worrying sometimes?”

“He chucks the empty pizza box onto the floor. I mentally add cleaning that up to my before-bed-to-do list.”

“I have to be the one in control; otherwise we’d all collapse from stress.”

rowan i felt that, and what i felt was obsessive compulsive disorder

[impunkster-syndrome]

Honestly I love hearing about other people's SCH headcanons, I'd be more than happy to see a post about yours

Under the cut because this is going to get long. I'm probably not going to get to everyone I sort of spin in my mind like a 3D model regularly, so if anyone has questions on specifics, ask away. This got very long and probably exposed some of my personal projection. It's obvious I have some favorites.

Doom has Klinefelters Syndrome as his intersex condition and takes testosterone for body euphoria and having some body dysmorphia due to it (Actually part of why he has a very long coat that covers his body). His ED is more aligned with anorexia due to having to restrict as a kid to give his food to Mood. They grew up in a neglectful home and Doom was parentified but still has a good relationship with Mood as adults. They live together in an apartment and have overlapping shifts. Still agender, but masc-presenting. He has ASPD and low empathy. Mood is his exception. Aroace but sex and romance favorable. He/they.

Mood has C-PTSD from the neglect, and developed pica to try to cover for nutrients she didn't have access to and to feel full. She doesn't care for labels besides queer. She tends to be neglectful of patient charts, partially due to not personally caring about most patients, and sometimes due to dissociation and job burnout. She/her.

Cuddles has celiac and originally became a doctor due to frustrations with how doctors refused to find out his autoimmune issue since he was a child. He got a diagnosis into his 30s finally, but realized the damage had been done to his body and his growth stunted. The longer he stays in practice as a doctor, the more jaded and bitter he becomes. When hired by Meat, he finally just snaps and abandons all his old principles so he can get paid to survive. He's transmasc genderqueer, and incredibly insecure about his height. He/him.

Puppy is a RAMCOA survivor of a local sexual trafficking ring, and has DID. She does not identify as a system, but she internally is polyfragmented with a color heirarchy for different parts who are named after the emotions she is meant to feel when programs are triggered. All she remembers is her father sexually abusing her, but doesn't know that he was involved in the ring in some way. She became a doctor due to a genuine want to help people. As she worked, Cuddles noticed her dissociative states and being hyperromantic, and thought she could be useful to him. He started lovebombing her and took advantage of her need to feel obedient. Also has BPD and does deal with delusions and hallucinations at times. Cuddles is her FP. She explains her gender as "If you take a stuffed animal and tear it apart, then stitch it together wrong." She's polyromantic, she thinks it is usually with a preference for older men, since she feels as if she cannot say no to them even if she wants to. It's part of why she feels she cannot say no to Cuddles. I imagine an arc where she learns to say no to people and starts recovery. She/lo/they.

Barry still has schizophrenia, but speaks with a blunted effect. He's low empathy, partially due to his autism. With delusions of grandeur making it hard for him to deal with not being correct in a situation, he tends to ignore counter evidence if not presented in a way that appeals to him. At the start of his stay at the hospital, he believed intersex people were just bodily disordered, and that nonbinary people were trenders. He is also antitheist, partially in response to having been raised to believe in Tears in ways that were harmful. He tends to see life as having rigid categories and boxes that people must fall into. As people start not being around him and expressing discomfort with how he treats them, he does self-reflection and works on himself. He does still have OCD, with contamination-themed obsessions and compulsions that were influencing how he would force others into boxes. As he works on himself, he starts being okay with not having to be correct, and treats other better. Still a binary trans man, and bi. He/they.

Uni is schizotypal with ADHD, autism, and major depression. She's a nondysphoric transfem, but closeted and a bit insecure due to Barry's pressure to do HRT and surgery, as well as the social pressure for her to look like a cis woman even if she doesn't want to. She has low vision due to a childhood accident causing eye injuries, but as she got older, she found the low vision harder to allow her to connect with people and due to the ableism and family history of depression on her dad's side, she attempted to commit suicide. She still has her eyes to me. Her "magic" is her delusions and hallucinations, and reality checking distresses her. She has a stomping stim, and masks by being happy all the time, so she tries to hide all the negative emotions and only express them privately. She's omniromantic and has hyperempathy, sometimes crying from the percieved emotions of someone else. Still any pronouns.

Carrie has BPD due to genetic factors and growing up with parents who divorced. She also has pica due to feeling as if she didn't want to take too many resources from her biological father's family on visits and would often eat paper and ice. Her stepmother (father remarried) was abusive and acted as if she owned Caroline, so that lead to the BPD traits worsening with age until she stopped visiting. She did develop hypersexuality, along with finding out she had ADHD as well in her 20s. She's a pan lesbian, with a romantic attraction to women, and butch. Considers herself cistrans because of her gender not being the feminine AFAB that she was raised as, but as something else and being GNC.

[f1inl3ey]

Here’s some headcanons for tbp characters that no one asked for

Finney

Obsessed with queen

Allergic to bees

HATES pineapple

Autistic

Special interest is space

Severe anxiety

Braids Gwen’s hair every morning

Has a box in his closet full of plushies that he put away after being made fun of bc of them

Once him and Gwen swapped rooms without their dad knowing (like literally swapped furniture and everything)

Works at a graveyard when he’s 20 as a half time job while he’s at uni

Becomes an astronomer

Hates having long nails. Cuts them all the time

Only Robin knew about his dad so after he died he could only rely on Gwen since he didn’t want to tell donna that kind of stuff

Bisexual

Robin

Convinced finney to grow out his hair a bit

Follows finney around after he gets out and the other ghost boys find it weird and creepy

Dyslexic

His bandana reeks bc he never takes it off unless he’s sleeping or doing anything that could get it wet

3/4 of his closet is t shirts that he’s cut the sleeves off of

ADHD

Nice when he’s not beating someone up and everyone thinks it’s weird

Tried to skateboard once and sprained his ankle

Extremely selfless (ex. Denies all help from everyone when sick or hurt)

Weirdest music taste, it’s all over the place

Literally no musical ability at all

Hands are always clammy (is that how u spell it?) it annoys everyone

Stole his uncles truck once

Gay

Bruce

Selfless

Surrounds his whole life with what he thinks his parents would find disappointing and tries to avoid doing those things but stops after his friends told him that it wasn’t healthy

OCD

Hides in Amy’s room when he’s sad and watches her go about her daily routine. It makes him feel better.

Loves dogs

Amy covers for him when he sneaks out and he does her chores for a week after to repay her

Room is messy but clean at the same time

Writes the most vile insults about people in Japanese in his favourite notebook

Hates metal and paper straws

Collects baseball cards

Obsessed with solitaire. Plays it daily

Puts ice in every drink he possibly can

Likes sherbet

Doesn’t like labels but says he likes both boys and girls

Vance

Him and Bruce used to be friends until he pushed Bruce away

Severe daddy issues

Mummy issues but also doesn’t have mummy issues at the same time

Chews gum constantly

Graffitis trains

Autistic

Special interest is pinball

Bpd

As gay as one can be

Major feminist bc of his mum

HATES sleeves

Actually really smart and has good grades. He only stayed back 2 years because of the amount of suspensions he was getting

Literally screaming for help (subtly) but no one is listening

Billy

Several near death experiences

Vitamin deficiency

Was best friends with griffin way before they got kidnapped. Was absolutely crushed when he found out he was missing

His dog is his comfort

Hates his neighbours

Delivers newspapers to robin

Mummy issues

Reads books that are at least an inch thick

Collects rocks

Knows there’s something mentally wrong with him but doesn’t care enough to actively seek out a diagnosis or an answer

Mood disorder

Always carrying a pack of mints around

Aroace

Likes sour candy

Griffin

Iron deficiency

His dad died when he was little and he currently lives with his mum

Once tried to eat a crayon

Social anxiety

Puts beads on his shoelaces

Excoriation disorder/dermatillomania ( a form of ocd where an individual compulsively picks at their skin)

Always had to be sent home because he was sick. Never had enough money to go to a doctor

Gwen talked to him during a boring assembly once but they never became friends or talked to each other again

Spent lunch in the boys toilets or in his favourite teachers classroom

Weirdly obsessed with English, loves correcting people on their grammar or spelling and learning new words

Billy was his safe person. He’d always go to Billy when he was upset.

Once got so bored that he stared at the clock in his house for 3 hours

Extremely rough hands

Thinks too much. Comes out with the weirdest shit like “how do dreams work”

Gwen

Grows up to realise that she’s on the acespec

When she first met Robin she didn’t like him but then they started talking about finney together and she warmed up to him very quickly

LOVES Donna. Warms up to her very quickly and every time she’s over, hanging out with finney she always drags her away from him to do her hair and play dolls with her

Collects bracelets

As a teenager she starts to put posters of her celebrity crushes on her wall

Loves the Beatles and David Bowie

As soon as the ‘talking with psychopaths’ book series came out her and finney became obsessed with it.

Allergic to nuts. Specifically peanuts (poor gwenny she can’t have Nutella)

Actually hates when people call her Gwendolyn. She just prefers Gwen

Likes thriller movies over horror

She’s a hoarder

Becomes obsessed with paranormal activity shows

When she graduates high school she goes on a road trip and calls it the ‘the drive of ‘87’ (I think that’s around the time she should graduate high school)

She’s the type of person that can sleep anywhere. And I mean anywhere

Donna

My girl is a raging bisexual and you cannot tell me otherwise

She thinks of Gwen as the little sister she never had

She loves partys but she wouldn’t sneak out just to go to one. She’d rather get her well deserved beauty rest

Blondie stan

Has a 15 step skin care routine and a 9 step hair care routine

The biggest bookworm. She goes to cinemas with the book of the movie she’s watching just to see how much the movie missed

Her and Gwen bond over their love for the Beatles and when she stays the night in Gwen’s room they scream the lyrics to the entire abbey road album and finney finds it so annoying

Converse high tops is her go to shoe. She loves her high tops and has all the colours she can get

Her and finney bond over queen, they argue over who the best band member is

My girl loves the smell of lavender. She owns anything lavender that she can get her hands on. Even her perfume is lavender

She prefers listening to finney and Gwen talk over everyone else

Collects charms and puts all the ones she’s collected on the same necklace that she wears daily. She even has a charm in the shape of a moon that finney and Gwen got her for her 14th birthday

Loves crystals. Thinks they’re the prettiest things ever

Listens to podcasts all the time

This was longer than I expected but it’s fine

[disabled-sysboxes]

[TEXT ID: this system has a compulsion to apologise even when nothing's wrong. please be patient]

[IMG ID: a teal rectangular box with the ocd flag - a flag with 4 stripes, teal, white, light yellow, orange - with an icon of a head with a swirl in it to the left, with the text 'this system has a compulsion to apologise even when nothing's wrong. please be patient' on the right.]

[TEXT ID: this system has a compulsion to apologise even when nothing's wrong. please be patient]

[IMG ID: a teal rectangular box with an icon of a head with a swirl in it to the left, with the text 'this system has a compulsion to apologise even when nothing's wrong. please be patient' on the right.]

–

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[dhr-ao3]

Pandora's Box

Pandora's Box https://ift.tt/cHSMNXl by Blueveins900 HERMIONE It seems the myth of "Pandora's Box" was true. Once you open it, it brings disasters. I thought what was between him and me was different. Ever since we were kids, he tormented me. Those jade-green eyes were the source of my nightmares. He never let me escape. It was all a game I had no chance of winning. Because Draco Malfoy was always one step ahead. DRACO I've despised her since forever. In a dark corner of my mind, the reason was that I couldn't have her. The forbidden fruit. My best friend's little sister. A spoiled brat. But the way her gaze pierced my soul was the trigger. It only took one game. One knife. I lured her into my den, deceiving her. We both knew I was going to hurt her, but we couldn't stop. Words: 3830, Chapters: 2/?, Language: English Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: F/M Characters: Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger, Tom Riddle, Tom Riddle | Voldemort, Original Characters Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, Draco Malfoy/Original Female Character(s) Additional Tags: Love, Bullying, Romance, Smut, Pining Draco Malfoy, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Hermione is Tom's little sister, And Draco is Tom's best friend, Obsession, Obsessive Behavior, Obsessive Draco Malfoy, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Sex, you can find me on insta "author_armariah" :), for more updates and details, Yandere, Enemies to Lovers, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hate Sex, Love/Hate, Snakes, Draco likes to sneak into Hermione's room, Teasing, Pandora's Box myth, Hurt/Comfort, Rape Fantasy, Series, Manipulation, Teenagers, best friend's sister, Vaginal Sex, Alternate Universe - Dark, Dark Character, Draco Malfoy Needs a Hug, Draco Malfoy is Bad at Feelings, Draco bullies Hermione, Older Man/Younger Woman, Falling In Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Time, Childhood Trauma, Childhood, Stalking, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sexual Tension, Explicit Sexual Content, Shameless Smut, Eventual Smut, Mental Health Issues, Romantic Fluff, So Much Stalking, Like he creates fake accounts to talk to her, Forbidden Love, Rough Sex, Community: Dramione FanFiction Forum, Draco has a green sports car, Draco takes Hermione to an abandoned aslyum via AO3 works tagged 'Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy' https://ift.tt/dyqWwRK March 10, 2024 at 02:52PM

[bittercandysweetrain]

Tokyo revenger’s x reader with mental illness. (Shinichiro PT1)

(so this isn't to romanticize mental illness it's just for others to feel included in such stories. this is how the TKR men would deal with it in a relationship how they help or add to problems and how they learn to grow with reader. it's for fun don't take it so serious so there will be warnings in each chapter if you don't want to read it don't it's totally fine. each character was carefully matched to certain illnesses. also don't forget some people may experience different things so it's not exactly a match for everyone. This chapter we’ll be starting with Shinichiro sano.)

Illness - Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder OCD for short along with having an Anxiety tic

Author's pov - Shinichiro, oh man was he really weak for women but there was one, in particular, he could not get out of his head. she was known as the weird girl in their part of the neighborhood. She did her best to keep to herself but with such older gossiping women she was the highlight of their days. Everyday she would stop by Shin’s Bike shop exactly at 3 pm. Shinchiro at first would watch her he never understood why she did what she did. she would walk in looking down at her feet and follow the same path counting steps. at first he was intrigued but since he couldn't find out what path she was following he just forgot about it. she became a regular and he was use to seeing her he even added some things such as candy and soda to since she never bought anything from the store. however that didn't matter because she didn't buy that either.  Today was like any other day Y/n walked in the bell ring announcing she was there. Shinichiro leaned on the counter watching her she had always zigzagged around the bikes. despite there being a straight line to the register she started to the right and around the first bike. He saw this everyday, however one day after getting a huge order. some of the areas she would walk was taken up and she tripped going over one of the boxes. So he decided to rearrange the bike shop for her. to make it easier for her to walk around, which is what he thought he was doing. (y/n) went to take one step into the shop pausing when she noticed the bikes were no longer lined up how they use to be. there was a bigger space now and because the bikes were now long ways cutting off the areas she would usually walk through. the tools were moved as well hanging on the wall. "Hey (f/n)" Shinichiro waved at her with his signature sano smile. (y/n) sank her teeth into her lip the tile was off there was more pieces now visible. She followed the same route she usually did four tiles in three to the right. however that was gone it was now six tiles in four to the right. "why did you move everything" she asked staying where she was "Well Just trying something new." Shinichiro said "you shouldn't have changed it, it was better the other way I can help you change it back," she said, "I think it's fine like this." he said (f/n) had a sudden chill up her spine she turned her head to the side causing her to let out a soft groan almost sounding like a moan she then clicked her tongue. "Believe me it was better the other way," she said turning she went to leave the shop but couldn't. she had to do this she had to finish what she started. turning back around she went back into the shop she could do this she could walk the same route. Shinichiro watched her struggle to do the path she usually did but nothing stopped her from completing it even if she had to redo it five times. 

(Y/n)'s pov - Before Shinichiro owned the bike shop it was a candy shop with tall shelves filled with every candy imaginable. As a little girl my father would bring me everyday after school at three o'clock. He would hold my hand and then we would go inside, I would follow the red diamonds on the floor in a specific pattern. in two diamonds stop then to the right follow the diamonds around the shelves. I never understood why my father brought me everyday but later it was because he seen how calm I was doing what I needed. years went by and when I was 13 the store closed. the first year was the hardest for me I kept finding myself going to the locked doors. I needed it, I needed to count my steps inside, But I couldn't do what I needed. My father told me I should change it so that I could do the same steps at the house the feet weren't the same it was much smaller the steps didn't add up. eventually something else took over it consumed my life! everyday I would wash my hands three times, lock and unlock the door six times, I would pace the room in a square around the bed eight times. My food couldn't touch I had a specific breakfast, lunch, and dinner everyday that could not change. even in school I would often be late for class for touching each door nob and counting the tiles. it calmed me to do so and if I couldn't it drove me insane I was aggravated and couldn't stop thinking about it. I think maybe that's why my mother left me and my dad. she wanted me to change she tried to force me to stop but I couldn’t. and he understood perfectly how breaking that schedule was too much for me. hell, he had his own thing going on I admit maybe I was too aggressive with my mother. but do you have any idea how hard it is when my sleep was consumed by the thought of how I might have messed up or miscounted? years would pass and nothing felt good anymore but one day I saw a flyer, the store was opening again. When I had heard about the shop opening I knew it was my chance to fix that mistake I might have made years ago, but when I walked into the shop the diamond tiles were gone. It pissed me off what the hell why would they remove them? they were perfect. luckily enough the placement of the bikes were exactly where the shelves stood. even if the red diamonds weren't there I could still picture them. Just like where the tools hung if I pictured it correctly it was a wall of candy. but when Shinichiro changed everything I was so aggrivated why, why did he have to go and do that to me!

Author's pov - Later that night after closing up Shinichiro left, heading home before it was late and he decided to stop by a nearby restaurant to get a meal. ordering his food he stood in line waiting when his phone suddenly rang. answering it he could hear an unknown man's voice "Shinichiro sano?" the man asked "yes?" he answered, "This is Police officer Jin we got a call your alarm system went off it seems someone had broken into your shop." he said Shinichiro's eyes widen "I'm down the street I will be there in a minute." he said rushing out of the shop he hurried down the street in his flip flops it took him about fifteen minutes to even get there taking a breath as he slowly walked up to the police. (Y/n) sat in the back of the police car her head laying against the window as she stared at the shop. Shinichiro slowly walked up to the car tapping on the window the cop opened the door pulling (y/n) out. "(y/n)? what are you doing going in the shop after hours?" he asked (y/n) looked down "can you put everything back" she asked "the way it was please, I was going to do it myself but the alarm it went off" she said, "why?" Shinichiro questioned "It's hard to explain but ever since I was little that shop has been a certain why. when you changed it, I couldn't sleep I needed it back the way it was I know it sounds weird but Imagine having a stain on your shirt, and no matter how many times you scrub it doesn't come off. every day you worry about how you look wearing that shirt so you buy a new one and it has the same stain except you buy this magic eraser and suddenly when you wipe it the stain comes off. but the stain only wears off for so long before you need to use the eraser again that is what it is like for me every day." she said "I'm sorry" she said, Shinichiro didn't understand but he knew if he talked to her more he could get a better idea of what it was like for her. He looked at the cop "I know her it's okay to let her go." he said, "are you sure?" Officer jin asked "yeah I am" he said Officer jin undid the cuffs "how about we go inside and talk.” y/n nodded in agreement as she followed him into the shop. 

[okcomputeroknotok19972017]

obsessive compulsive disorder got hands. i'm in tears and i sent my mom a long text confessing and telling her how sorry i am because i remembered a time when i was young and she got me a webkinz signature chimpanzee and i didnt appreciate it and play with it enough and i think i asked for it to be exchanged. that plush was so thoughtful because webkinz was my everything and the signature ones were a lot more expensive and ive ALWAYS loved chimpanzees so i dont know what was going on in my head to make me so disrespectful and ungrateful but i feel so horribly guilty i'm gonna cry. this is like a time when i was ~4 and we went to build a bear because my mom got their newsletter and i wanted the new chococat but we accidentally came a few days before chococat came out so my mom asked me if i wanted a stuffed animal now or if i wanted to wait for chococat and i was a little impatient 4 year old so i said now and i got a dog that i didnt really care for and a few days later i told her and we took it back to build a bear and they put it in their toy donation box and i DID end up getting chococat whom i still have and love and associate with nothing but happiness but i still feel awful that i didn't love that dog plush enough and i made my mom buy and then return it. i cried and apologized to her about it a few years ago and she told me she didnt even remember it and no matter what she wasnt mad at me but i still feel like in both of these instances i wasnt appreciating her and everything she did for me and i was also being very ungrateful, hurtful, and disrespectful to the stuffed animals themselves. if i was catholic this would be easier cus i could punish myself repent and move on but i have to live with the guilt. ahhhhhh

[craig-f-tucker]

while you’re playing“What’s up with TTG Robin” you should check out Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. (not to be mixed up with OCD) Robin checks a whole lot of boxes on that list

Good eye captain! Obsessive compulsive personality disorder comes with a lot of classic ttg robin traits: his obsession with control, his need for order and justice, his intense devotion to productivity! He also has a fear of spending money on himself (a not usually shown trait, but very distinctly addressed in the episode 'Mo' Money Mo' Problems), in fact, a major part of the differential diagnosis between NPD and OCPD is that those with OCPD have trouble spending money not just on others, but also themselves, just like Robin!

But I must say that while i think he very very much has obsessive compulsive tendencies, I do not think he would qualify for diagnosis of OCPD. to refer to the DSM-IV, the first criteria for OCPD diagnosis is

"A. Significant impairments in personality functioning manifest by:

1. Impairments in self functioning (a or b):

a. Identity: Sense of self derived predominantly from work or productivity; constricted experience and expression of strong emotions.

b. Self-direction: Difficulty completing tasks and realizing goals associated with rigid and unreasonably high and inflexible internal standards of behavior; overly conscientious and moralistic attitudes."

Robin can't actually meet either of these- while his sense of self is heavily dominated by his work, he doesn't have constricted expression of strong emotions; he feels no need to make his emotions orderly and perfect and frequently is shown expressing strong feelings of anger, love, and excitement. He also does not have unreasonably high internal standards that prevent his success, he is actaully quite successful in many of his adventures due to active awareness and acceptance of his flaws (episode 'kyptonite' is the perfect example.)

I would say that he applies to most other diagnostic criteria for Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (impairment of interpersonal function, specifically empathy/sympathy, difficulty changing viewpoints (he's usually the one who takes the whole episode to convince), continually pushing on causes when he has failed hard), but generally speaking I'd say for that aspect, it's not a personality disorder, just a personality!

Obsessive and perfectionist are both parts of Robin's 5 pieces when he is split, but when he is whole they work in tandem with the rest of him in a way that does not cause impairment that a mental illness would cause... but it is undeniable that if we're looking for what's wrong with Robin, obsessiveness and compulsiveness are part of it, even if obsessive compulsive personality disorder isn't!